Hey everybody, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. I'm this I'm Mack and we got Jason and then
we got Dylan right there. Come on. Don't Internet Dylan Internet number one influencer
folks world. I don't know what Jason's looking at. He's being none. Yeah. You think you're
Charles Babbage or something? I wish I had an idea for an I wish I wish I had a podcast
Charles Babbage. Have you guys ever invented anything? Any cool inventions? The cranzel?
The cranzel was a good invention. I invented that. Yeah. I invented the holocaust. Oh
nice. Yeah. Yeah, I went on Shark Tank and pitched it. They shut me down pretty hard.
Same as the dog. Grape whistle. The dog grape whistle. Yeah. Dylan, you might want to scooch
a little bit. I'm trying to think there was one more. I forget all my shark tank inventions.
I've had a few. Yeah, you got a lot and they laugh you out every time. But for some reason,
do you do you like give them different names when you submit? Honestly, I feel like the
Joker, you know, like I keep getting invited back to the TV show because I think the ratings
go up when they mock me. Oh, you remember the Joker? Yeah, they like to think about doing
that to mark you mark you mark you've been like like to Nero. Yeah, I'm thinking about
doing a Joker to Nero certain situation to mark Cuban. Yeah, that would be so cool. You
know, the Joker is a true story. Really? Yeah. True story of me and Mark Cuban. So is the
I mean the one with Heath Ledger's true story. It's crazy. The Joker dying that one. Does
he know he gets he gets locked up in a site or arcane asylum, doesn't he Arkham Arkham.
Doesn't Batman catch everybody? Yeah, he doesn't kill people, which is lame. Yeah, I like
the he just like breaks their backs. There's two seasons of The Punisher. It's a pretty
good show. I loved it. Yeah, I like that guy jump or Thalmy plays the punish. Did they
stop at two seasons because people probably thought it was too much gun violence and to
know they stopped. Well, I know about it because I the Marvel shit they stopped doing Marvel
shit on Netflix. Well, that's why they stopped it. I'm watching it on Disney Plus. I know
that Disney Plus bought all the stuff is originally released on Netflix. It was a Netflix original
and they did Daredevil and they did any good. Daredevil is the best one. It is so good.
Yeah. Yeah. That movie is just about Jake Peter, right? Yeah. Yeah. He learned to hear
even though he was a superhero. You can see the sound waves. They did four superheroes
and then they did a show or maybe it was five and then they just show where they were like
a team of all four of them come together and they cross over on each other shows. It was
pretty fun. Yeah. Oh, so I do want to explain that Daredevil showed up in one of the Spider
Man movies after like because you know that I don't want to talk about this. Let's go
on. But Kamala Harris, even Sony and Kamala Harris and all these new things. They say
the first black Asian female candidate. She's Indian. I understand that's I want to talk
about Marvel again. No. No. Listen. She's Indian. I understand that's part of Asia.
Let's get a black Asian superhero. I understand that's part of Asia but she's just like claiming
half the world. Kamak, Kamak, Kamak, Kamak, Kamala Harris.
Kamal Camelion. If I was watching football with my friends and someone said. Kamak, Kamak,
Kamal Camelion. If I was saying I was with my friends and watching. Kamala Camelion.
Listen to this Jason. If I was watching football with my friends and I and my friends was like
yeah, I ordered some Asian food like hell yeah. And then they can't walk with Indian
food. I'd be like what the hell Indian food is technically Asian food. I'd say what the
heck it's South Asian. But what do you think if someone said they're ordering Asian food
that they're I don't know. I don't know. I'd be walking with Indian food. Is it Chinese?
Is it Thai? I would say Asian food is a little generic. If that actually tells me you're
from a small town, it's because they go to the Asian restaurant and it's just like a
restaurant that has like egg rolls and pizza. When I think Asian, I think hero. I'll take
one of those Chinese pizza. If somebody said we were getting Asian food, I would say give
me the Kung Pao chicken. Yeah, I ordered the Manchurian chicken one time and I accidentally
said the co word and then it killed General Sound. I was I was hoping. I was hoping. I
was sassinated. Check please. Yeah, then I said the code word to what's that guy's name
or do I don't remember the guy who got on the roof with Trump. I'll say code word.
You want one time I ordered the Manchurian chicken, but I accidentally said candidate
and then it was a. What the heck? I didn't order. He sent him.
It was nothing kills Kamala. This is not what I ordered. No, but we've been talking about
the code switching with Camille and Harris and just she claims every race. Yeah. I mean,
what's wrong with code switching? I do all the time. It's phony. But it's like it's
like, you know, the way that people talk about code switching with black people, it's like,
oh, this is a technique they developed so they don't get harassed in society to survive.
Well, it's been it's been it's been when Hillary's like, I've been carrying around
hot sauce in my purse. My question though is how would ever help you to survive to code
switch to be Indian? How would that ever benefit you? Maybe there's a lot of Indian people.
Yeah, there are. They're more of them than us, which means they're normal. And that's
a thought that scares them. They're also not Asian people. What? They're not Asian people.
Yeah, no, they're South Asian. It's the yellow people are which continent is India. And that's
it. You know, it's kind of its own. It's kind of its own sub which continent is Russian.
That's right. Russians are there. They're not they're not white. They're they're like
they're they're off white. Russians are Asian. Well, Russians are actually European and Asian
or depending on where you live. How does that make you feel about Putin? Now he's Asian.
Yeah. Her. Oh, right. Right. I'm your proof. Right. Have you ever seen him on a horse like
Genghis Khan wearing a full Samurai gear Vladimir Root and huge family protect of Vladimir Putin
in the rear. We should do a treat episode on shirts on. Yeah, cut if you want. My shirts
always kind of riding up anyway. It's weird. It's like I thought I was getting too fat
for my clothes. I tell you this. I think I said this last episode. I was thinking about
my but then I weighed myself and I weigh the same. But my clothes are fitting. So I think
my body is expanding without me gaining weight. It's just becoming it's just like you're
just getting fat. I'm like a or your muscles just turning into fat. Yeah, I think my muscles
are turning into fat. I like the better called Paul. Yeah, better called bosses. Yeah, I
actually I told him he should sell better called soul shirts Paul Farrakhan and he didn't
laugh and then Jason told him that and he laughed a lot when I bought the shirt. But
I was also buying the shirt so he might have just left because he was making a sale and
he's trying to butter me up. Absolutely. Star 69 is funny. Then well, cerebral palsy. Is
that what that's for? Yeah, it's for Parkinson's maybe. Okay, soluble palsy. It's better called
as I like to call it Pulkinson's syndrome. What about cerebral palsy Farrakhan? I got
Pulkinson's disorder. Yeah, Sarah Hulk. Sarah Paul's the Sarah Sarah Holt Paul. It's
Farrakhan's the Ponzi scheme. Ponzi. Yeah, sure. Ponzi scheme. Yeah, Ponzi tree. Ponzi
tree. Ponzi tree. A bonsai tree. That was what I was going for. So how do you so what
that's a little tree and you're like, I think it's like a tree. You have to like really
maintain it's like some kind of sense. Yes, we got a discipline for it. If you could raise
a bonsai tree, it helps your mind state. Yeah, some shit. Yeah, it was raised by trees.
Actually, really? We're kind. Weeping willow. Crying mom's weeping willow. But your grandma
was probably a big weeping willow. The one from Pocahontas. Well, yeah, I was most famous.
My dad was a gun. I'm a son. Oh, wait, you have any raccoon friends? Yeah, so I forgot
and I don't mean that in any kind of way. I didn't think you didn't. I meant a literal
raccoon. Like that guy on YouTube who feeds them. There's a girl in me googling most famous
raccoons yet because she had some I don't know, is a whole thing of riddle and I was
trying to solve the riddle and most famous raccoon. So we have Rocky Rock. We have the
Pocahontas. Oh yeah, Rocky and Bullwinkle. And then we have the Guardians of Galaxy.
I thought it was a squirrel. Who's Rocky raccoon from the Beatles song? Gotcha. I was watching
there from the future. So that doesn't count. Who is the Beatles? I believe we're from the
future. From now on, the future. Too many genres. They were code switching a lot. The
Beatles. Yeah, from the future. They were they had a star. They have so many beautiful
songs and it's okay. We get it. I don't like their songs that much. Oh, it's because you're
living in the past. The only song I like is simply having no one of my favorite songs.
That's the only good song. That's not a Beatles song. It's Paul McCartney. Yeah. Yeah, it's
Dan Dan McCartney. Dan McCartney. And then John Lennon's Christmas song is it's and
so this is Christmas. It's and why have you done that with this good one too. That's
a John Lennon. So this is Christmas and a happy new year. Another year older and an
over and a new one has begun. Flash forward to my next favorite Christmas song Ariana
Grande. Santa tell me are you really there? I didn't like any songs in between those least
favorite song is the Mariah Carey Christmas song that I was way overplayed. Never one
here to get in my life. Yeah. If it's ever on the radio, I shoot the radio. I've got
to get my favorite song. New radios. Is that one about like, you know, she's the girl's
trying to leave and the guy won't let her. Oh yeah. It's a little cold outside. Yeah.
Yeah. Maybe it's cold outside. Lock the doors. Yeah. Well, that was back when that was like
cool. And now it's not. It's not cool anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because like, let's be honest,
this is a little cool. It's cool. It's not chilly. My fellas don't you agree? Yeah. He's
like, come on, sick around. Come on. It's just it's Christmas. All he's being it. Like
that's how it works back then. And things have changed a lot. Yeah. Ever since you two
things haven't changed that much. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. No, times
are changing. Times are changing. Mancala Harris legitimately. I legitimately don't like
like any Christmas songs. What about Mancala Harris? I'm surprised. Remember the game?
I like two fewer bells. Is that one? Remember the game? Like rocks out. Yeah. Well, somebody
should play that shit on a distorted electric guitar. I want to listen to the metal band
of the trance. Something symphoners. Trans-Siberian orchestra. Oh, trance. That's the only that's
the main trans I support. Yeah. The trance. The trance. You know, the trance. Metallica.
Trans rights to have them play that song. What do they want? You know, the trans Siberian
orchestra is only 1% of the population, but they have 100% the best song of all Christmas
songs. That's like a deep cut reference. Somebody could put that together. That amazed me.
Yeah. Well, I mean, since we're talking numbers, as you guys know, 100% of African-American
men are currently incarcerated and voting for Trump, which is terrible and voting for
Trump from prison. Where did they oppose mail and ballots so much on the right because they
have so many mail and ballots coming from prison? No, they don't mail them in. They bring
the fraud voting machines there. That would be like if Trump wins the black vote against
a black chick, like or a half black chick or whatever she is. She's Asian. She's from
Antarctica. I was worried about a few book Jolly Bean like that. You would make that.
Definitely do a bunch of gong sounds and so many gongs. I feel like I played the song
behind her. Of course. Power Hour before. It's just surprised me. I didn't go to Power
Hour on Friday, so I have no new stories about the comedy scene. So you took a Friday night
off. Yeah, so I was like, I've just been depressed. So I just I literally laid in bed all day
yesterday or Friday and then Saturday. I was like, today's the day I'm gonna do everything.
And then I didn't do anything. I did watch like four movies. Hell yeah. What would you
watch? What did I watch? Oh, Jason, what's that movie called where that person kills
all those rich people or something? He kills all those. Yeah, as a girl, I think that does
it or something. Oh, I kind of like that. What's the call? I'm trying to find I want
to watch it. It's like where they're the rich people are hunting people. Something like
that. But then some girl is killing them or something. Yeah, she starts like she gets
she catches on to it and she starts fighting back. What's that called? I thought about
it in my head. I don't know, man. It was an excellent Netflix movie and a lot of people
were hating on it. I was like, Mac would love like most dangerous game. Like, oh yeah, I
mean, that's my goal is to get a poor people on an island or hire half the poor to kill
the other half. Yeah, just keep doing that. I'm as chubby. They kind of do. Yeah, it
really do. It's not good. Some people say sports are kind of a new form of slavery.
This is a three novel argument. It's a great argument. People getting paid millions of
dollars. But then you look back and you have Jackie Robinson. He broke the white barrier
and it was called the hunt. That's the name of the movie or trying to more like the so
we're gonna think of a word or two that rhymes with this one. Hunt stunt baseball movie. A
bunt is a lesbian to the only only cowards bunt. Bunting is the most cowardly thing you
can do in all of sports. I thought about how great is a great move for a cake. You know,
that'd be cool. What if you bunt at a home run? That would be sick. You got to feel
stupid as the pitcher. You're like, why did I throw it that fucking hard? Yeah, there's
a grant Randy Johnson eight feet tall guy that can throw the ball like 180 miles per
hour. It's it off of the top. All right, here's the movie video where he kills that bird in
midair. Have you seen that? Really? Yeah, he throws a pitch and I guess the bird was
flying across and it's just a puff of feathers. I just you see the light. That's all you see
is the puff of feathers. You see a giant puff of feathers. It just basically the bird blew
up. Yeah, do it again. Because the birds look the size of the ball. Oh, I actually watched
like all good movies. I watched I watched the kid detective. It's about a guy who's
a kid detective and then he he like he could he just does that he's like awesome when he's
a little kid. He's like the Hardy Boys. But then he gets like so famous so young he never
stops doing it. And then he's old. And he's like, you know, in his 20s or 30s now, and
he's still trying to be a kid detective and everyone hates his God. Is that really the
part of them? Yeah. And then there's like a kidnapping. There's like a kidnapping that
he could never solve. And then he tries to solve a murder to you know my favorite movie
is the side of the screen movie three. That's my boy with a sand. I never said Andy Sandberg
is that good? It's really bad. But it's really funny. Is that one of his later films? I think
it came out when I was in college. But he plays like this. He got famous as a kid because
he he banged his teacher supposed to be a celebrity and then he he never really grew
up and that's kind of what happens in this movie. But it's like a dark true crime kind
of vibe because he's like trying to solve a murder. Yeah, no, you should watch that.
You should watch that as my I'll watch that. Yeah, it sounds like a good companion piece
to the kid detective. It's like it's like so bad. But it's so bad. It's really funny.
Honestly, they gave you just turn your brain down. Bad comedy level. The guy in the kid
detective is Adam Brody. Put your brain in your brain down a little bit before you watch
the movie. It was almost so like it's gonna piss a lot of people off. I think is when
Adam Sandler was on Joe Rogan. They were both saying stories about Joe Rogan's like I had
two auditions for TV like I got both of them. I was like what and then like Adam Sandler
was like yeah I was like 20 21 I think on SNL or something or it was just like his movie
first movie is just he was just talking to one guy right when he gets to Hollywood and
I know these people do you know I feel like I'll be auditioning left and right and yeah
up and down. I mean it's the Tinseltown you know Tinseltown. It's all though you know
the we should make our own bells and whistles. We should make a bad comedy movie. We should
make a bad comedy movie. What should our movie be about. We'll just I did want to turn this
into like a web series. Remember that idea. It could be about comedy back when I used
to like like doing this podcast. It's got to be about comedy and what's good. I was
like let's make a web series. We need to make it. I wanted to do a show that was like kind
of like crashing. So like an exaggerated version of all the beefs we got into episodic.
I almost didn't buy an energy drink today because it says keen on it. Yeah fuck Bob
G. But in the movie I don't buy it. I don't buy the energy drink. Yeah. That's how severe
this beef is you know be. Maybe I'll start writing something and then I'll see if you
guys are interested in it. Yeah and then we'll see if we actually help. Well I'm the I'm
the engine so I can. It's really just getting back to. Oh now you're multiracial you're an
engine. Yeah. Yeah. I have man have engine. Engine American. I want to get spider legs.
You're like I'm not a cowboy. I want to get spider legs. Cowboys and Indians. Yeah. Cowboys
and cowboys and Indians. Yeah. The Dallas Indians football. I watched the Texas Chainsaw
Massacre from 1974. The original. I like the other one. I haven't seen the other one. I
like watching the exorcist on repeat. Dude. Sex came out like this. Like almost the same
year. They both came out like both movies are fucking great. What's your favorite. What's
your favorite movie. Oh I think it's funny games. You ever see that. Yeah. Have you.
The two rich guys. Yeah they're like torturing the rich family. I've always seen there's two
versions of it. I only saw the one with all the American actors. Mine's probably father
the bride. My daughter is marrying a guy she barely knows. My favorite horror movie is guess
who's coming to dinner. Mine's between two. The sand lives. One is just the idea of a
black guy coming to dinner is so scary to me. I have two that are tied. The first one is
Grants Reno. So racist. So scary. You know I'm terrified of racism. And then and then
scary movie three. You're only afraid of other races because you're afraid of racism.
So true. I'm scared of I'm scared of two things racism and door dash drivers. I watched Deadpool
and Wolverine. I watched the new Deadpool and Wolverine movie. I watched a live. It
was fine. I don't know. There's a lot of cool action scenes. Is there any gambit. He was
in that. He was so was blade. Wesley Snipes I popped. Wesley Snipes is in it playing blade.
He should play this. I was like yeah. If I was Wesley Snipes I would do a lot of roles
as a sniper. Have you seen the other three blade movies like me with Wesley Snipes.
You know he's too dark. I can't see him. He's gonna help us as a vampire because he's always
out at night. Marvel's gonna try to outdo itself. I heard they're gonna try to make
the biggest like superhero movie ever. The biggest fattest is a sort of it's gonna have
so raw. It's gonna be the plane the blob. They're gonna have. Oh well. I'm gonna be
back and Channing Tatum has been gunning. Wesley Snipes is back forever and they almost
made a movie of gambit. Was that Channing Tatum? Yeah. And it's like last time I saw Channing
Tatum. I try to look like you know. Yeah Channing Tatum is gambit. He was in that. He's not
a good actor. He wants to be he wants the full movie of him being gambit. He's pretty
bad. He's pretty bad today. He does like a he does like a Norwin's accent. You know
the gambit's from Norwin's. He talks so he talks like Brandon Brad Kaufman. He's like
you want to go get some gumbo down there y'all. People don't appreciate it. He got obsessed
with that character. He lived as that character for a year. Yeah. To get into the role. Hey
fuck. Now that's a good gumbo. Let me get a Pope boy sandwich. Yeah. A Pope boy and some
more. Adam or Banshee. I have a task for you. If you will please help us. Can you go to
Brad Kaufman's page and see what the standard deviation is of likes on each of his posts.
Standard deviation. It's a big word. It's a big IQ word. I'm thinking like it's maybe
the furthest it goes away from the middle is one or two. He buys the I think he buys
300 and then maybe five people like it. It's weird when you notice all these videos all
get the same kind of amount. Well my favorite. I mean the smoking gun was when I saw that
one had more likes and views. Yeah. A little fishy. Final movie I watched was Millers crossing
which is a movie I think Mac would like a lot. Miller's are the Millers in it. It's a
like we're the Miller's crime crime guys is Irish got mob and the cops are all on the
take in Jennifer Hanna stay. This one guy. I love white crime movies. This one guy. Yeah
it's all white crime. It's got a bunch of people in the Godfather and it's directed
by I don't like black crime because it's directed by Joel Cohen because it doesn't it doesn't
make sense black crime black crime is I don't even think it exists. No so I'll be realistic
stuff like white crime. You know what's that one called Miller's crossing. Yeah. Yeah.
This is a total Mac movie. Max been watching on ivory porn as well. Yeah I've been getting
to that porn site every you ever see that porn site whited. You said the other one was
called the hunt. The hunt is that movie where the white chick she's getting hunted by liberals
and she starts fighting. She's hunted by by Evanston people probably. Yeah it is like
Evanston people. It's like rich liberals and they're doing like you know they're doing
like that. Now I don't know what to call it. It's like that conspiracy theory that they're
like yeah most dangerous game type of thing. Yeah that is. I mean there's probably more
dangerous games like the ones that the movie saw. I mean when he says you want to play a
little game. I think a bear with a machine gun is way more dangerous than a human. Yeah
cocaine bear. Yeah cocaine bear. Oh I hung out Dale for a little bit yesterday. Speaking
of cocaine bears. Yeah that's what I thought. I was thinking about I don't know I saw some
about when it says notifications are turned off notify anyway and then I remember Mac
was like this is what I always do to Dale. It's notifying you. That's the most Mac thing
ever. Oh yeah I love hitting notify anyway especially to someone that I know that hates
being disturbed. That's awesome. No I bet Dale loves disturbed. Yeah. What was it like hanging
out Dale with any story there. Nope. Yeah so that's what it was like hanging out Dale.
Sounds fun. Yeah. Glad you brought it up. You just sat there you know. Frank's making
myaries. Frank Marys baby. I had something Mac and Mac and Dale. Oh yeah. You guys could
have a bar Mac and Dale. Yeah I like that. But yeah the Stephen Hofstetter clip went viral
so everyone is. Oh yeah we had a clip go viral on two guys. I'm not going to reveal the confidential
sources. Okay. And I'm also I've been getting some more tea from from random informants notes.
Yeah. Allegedly. Yeah. Kind of pissed me off that a clip of viral because I've been giving
you shit about all that. About what. Like clips and stuff. So I'm like God damn I know
I'm not going to talk about this for a year. Yeah it's successful. I'm not though. Yeah
we'll see. I bet I bet Screva's talking about it a lot more and gets buried than I am. Yeah.
Well I'm just happy because I hadn't posted one in a while than the one that did post
it really well. I wonder if Tic Tac threw us a bone because we've been not putting anything
on there. And they're like all right we'll give you one. And then they showed it to a
bunch of people who would react to it. Yeah I have a time to clip them. I like this stuff
I'm going to do today. It's about how Sorb and Dale might be the same person. I like that.
I never see him in the same room. Yeah. I love that the people who seem to be the most
sensitive on the Internet are people from Romania and Steve Hofstadter fans or no there's a
lot more Steve Hofstadter haters in those comments. Oh really. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.
Makes sense. I mentioned how he might be ruining comedy in Pittsburgh but then I think maybe
just ruin comedy overall. Yeah. Algorithms and well yeah you to nice speed to be a stain
on he's kind of the original YouTube guy which is like what standup became for a little bit.
Yeah. Yeah. And folks if you think Stephen Hofstadter isn't paying attention he's been
DMing me don't worry. And he calls me he calls me Mark. He thinks he exposed my name. Mark
my name. My name is Mark Jr. I've not this number been a secret. I've been called Mac
my whole life. Yeah. So yeah. You know you really cancel me Steve. He comes on like he's
the more superior guy but then you go my name is Mac and he keeps calling you Mark he's
dead naming you. Yeah. Like that. What a transphobe. No it's honestly transphobic.
Because I transitioned my name. I'm going to call you whatever I want to call you because
I'm mean guy Steve Hofstadter. Yeah. He's a straight up bully. He's a he's a he can't
be the hero in the bully. He's a mega. He's a mega. He loves probably the orange demagogue.
I mean it seems more in line with his style of bullying. I don't even know what demagogue
he probably likes to call demagogue is his political affiliation. Steve Hofstadter claims
to be a demagogue. Yeah. He's a bully like Trump. He's a orange hat wearing orange pill.
Yeah. I'm I never vote demagogue. I've never registered demagogue. I did. I did vote demagogan.
Demogorgon. Yeah. This is master. Oh. From that thing. De Morgan's. I don't know. De Morgan's
theorem which is like not A or B is the same as not A and not B. Is it like it's like a
work of Charles Babbage thing. It's a bully. It's a it's a bull. High levels. It's a demorgan
thing. Demorgan sounds kind of Charles Babbage is you know Babbage. They'd all be buddies
to Morgan bull Babbage Babbage. They're all ancient mathematicians. Yeah. Basically if
I'm asking you if it's if it's kind of like Charles Babbage the question is is it's like
a smart thing. Well legitimately it's even more similar than that. It's not just smart
guys but they're all like mathematicians. They call me Charles Cabbage. I wish I had
a chance to discover some kind of well what if a squared and B squared and then everyone
will be you do still have a chance. I don't have a chance. It's been done. You think we've
discovered everything there's to discover. I just I miss my way. If I was born a hundred
years ago maybe we can invent theorems but they can get the Python the Python green theorem
like a snake. Oh yeah. Python is also coding. Try it on me. Yeah. It's a coding language.
That's exactly. Do you ever code switch when you're coding. Yeah sometimes I switch between
Python and JavaScript. Like oh look at me code switching again. Yeah. I'm sure you ever
go on a Python like a pie marathon of eating pies. I thought.
Pied. Do you work for it. Is that where you work for a pie marathon. Yeah. I'm Eric or
I'm Eric or of the U.S. I'm Marist mid scheme. I'm married. It's all you know what I'm scared
of is we have Steve Hofstadter on the podcast and then I really like him. Let's have a
modern defense system. What if it turns out he's really cool. Oh enemies. Let's do a promo
for the live show kind of. Maybe I'll I'll ask one of you guys like I kind of want to
do another live show. You know you think how many bar would have his back. And then when
you guys would be like no we have one they set us up for September 8th at you know as
7 p.m. Oh we get like that. Well act we're going to act. Okay. Jason. I was I was zoning
out. What are we doing. Oh we're going to do a thing that I'm going to clip as part of
as part of a promo just like an introductory promo then later because it takes way too
long to find random clips to throw together later I'll do an official one when it gets
closer. Yeah if we just wrote down when something funny happened in the moment that you just
take those times we need our loyal fan prove your loyalty by sending us timestamps of yeah
I just want to do his time stamps and a tough gig. Edward Bansky sometimes texts me when
he's when he thinks I said something funny or sometimes I'll be like you guys haven't
said anything funny in months. Yeah that's what he said. No I would kill him. Gansler
he knows not to say it. He also told me I got to stop bringing him up because then you
get mad at him and give him a hard time. You want to prove that I'm sorry if I hurt
your feelings or no he just said doesn't want the negative attention. You want to prove
that you love us and that you deserve our loyalty send us timestamps and sell some tickets
for us. Send us money stamps. Yeah why don't you just buy like a hundred tickets folks
these. This show is going to sell out. Okay. Let's fast real fast. It's been we it's been
too long since we've done a live show and I think we should probably do a live show.
It's not a bad idea actually. What do you think Jason. Oh say that again. I kind of
want to do a live show. We have been in a live show in a while. I would be interested in
doing a live show for bad comedy podcast. Bad comedy. Yeah we could have on some cool
guests and stuff. Yeah. Do you think like comedy bar would have us back. I don't know.
I guess we'll have to ask them. I think they'd probably like us. Last our last live show
was kickass. Wait. Did your phone just buzz. It's buzzing right now. What is it. Oh my god
it's the Harren Kyle. Comedy bar. It's the comedy bar. Pete friends. Really. What is
it. They both said they want to kiss me on each of my cheeks. No. What the heck. That's
an old text. This says they want to have us back for another live show at the comedy
bar. Wait when. September 9th. September 8th. I mean September 8th. It says September
8th. It's coming up really quick. Holy cow. Yeah. What the heck. Why they booked this
so last minute. Oh my goodness. Do we have a ticket link or anything. Oh yeah there's
a ticket. Okay. It's on the comedy bar.com. You can go there and check out September.
Really. Yeah. Oh I mean you could check a link in our bio. I guess I can just put this
in the bio. Yeah. Put it in the bio. I'll put it in my bio too. Okay well then I think
I have some good plans of things we might be able to do. Well obviously it's going to
be the funniest show ever. Yeah. Who you know. It's going to be last time was bad. This
is going to be worse. It's going to be bad. The baddest and the funniest show you've ever
seen. We're going to have a stand up comedy. We're going to have a podcast live podcast.
We're going to riff. We're going to do crowd work. We're going to do prepared crowd work.
We're going to do stuff that you don't even know we're going to do. I might on the stage
of comedy bar they have like these like hanging glass lights. I'm going to break them all
the baseball bat maybe. Sounds good. I'll probably bring my gun. They got all those
TVs behind us. Maybe we could break those. I haven't run some of these by by the owners
of comedy bar yet. But yeah. I think I'm going to break Ron Hexagon's drum machine.
Yeah. Yeah. We're going to break all of his musical stuff. Yeah. You're singing a cappella
now. We're going to we're going to set the stage on fire folks and I'm saying literally
we're going to pour gasoline on the stage inside on fire. So we're planning to do this.
These are just we haven't run most of these things by the owners just so you know. So
they might not let us do some of this stuff but they'll at least let us do comedy. So
they'll tell us not to and we'll still do. So I guess get tickets now if they're on
sale get them now. It's time to get it. It's time to get them because they will sell out
and if it doesn't sell out then I'm going to buy the rest of the tickets before you can
and then I'm going to give them to all my people to homeless people which is most of
the Chicago stand of comedy scene. They might already be gone the tickets you probably missed
your chance. Yeah. And and well well we're at it at some point we don't have a date yet.
We're going to go to Pittsburgh and do a live podcast out there and Stephen Hofstadter will
probably be our guest. You better check in with us if you want to be in Pittsburgh. Stephen
Hofstadter likes us. You know a lot of people there. Stephen Hofstadter likes us. He will
definitely be a guest. We had he said we have to do a live podcast so he can get heckled.
Yeah. Well he wants to he wants to refuse to perform unless he can be heckled. He wants
to destroy us. He's addicted to being heckled. He wants to destroy us. He's got he's got
he needs intervention. God imagine imagine him trying to destroy us. I'm a comedy podcast.
We would we would punish the shit out of him. It would be brutal dude for us. It would be
like hey Steve where's where's Adam. I just think I would be I just think I would meet
Steve Hofstadter and after all this time building up resentment I'd be like this guy's kind
of cool. Yeah what if you love him. Yeah like I kind of like him. I can't believe it. Yeah
we started doing well. You know all that stuff. All the stuff that he says online that's not
really him. He's actually really nice. Then we put out T shirts. We didn't hit him with
the bat or whatever. I refuse to hit Steve Hofstadter with the lead pipe. I refuse to
yeah I would never do that. I don't want to anymore. I do not want to kill him anymore
on comedy shirts. Just the true real truth. Yeah. He really thought that you're going
to kill him with a lead pipe. Yeah. Just because we were a guy. I had his I had his mom crying.
Yeah. Yeah. Because she has Google analytics. His 80 year old mom. Maybe stay up for fear
for her son. Yeah. Yeah. He's he's really cool. Doesn't that name me Mark when he dm's
me. Yeah. Me and Steve Hofstadter have talked way too much. I don't want to say another word
to that man. He really is a bully. He is a bully. He bullies a show. I mean called me
Mark. Yeah. All I did was say that he married a child ride in a desert surf to compound
allegedly. There really is a point. And he does say on TV that he or on on clips that
this title own. He owns somebody. He says he owns people. He's always bragging about
owning people. One. He says he owns people to he has a good look to compound where he
makes people make content for him and edit and edit videos and exchange for a living
pause this for a sound by allegedly pause for a sound bite owning people in 2024. That ain't
it. Chief. That ain't it. I looked at the camera. So that should be solid. Keep that
I'll cut in the YouTube thing of him. Yeah. Yeah. It's a thin line. You're just a bully.
Nobody owns me. The corporations don't owe me. Don't me except for Osking folks. That's
why we're sponsored by the only kind of own I fuck with is Oprah network. Oh cool. What's
her network. I can't find my wallet. Let me go and find my iPhone real Oprah Winfrey
not work. That's the only kind of owning I'm fucking with. I lost my wallet. No way.
Yeah. I'm going to find my iPhone. Your boss King wallet. Oh wait. It's oh it's buzzing.
It's my pocket. Oh dummy. This is this is even think about where you last saw it. Yeah.
No I didn't even look but you didn't have to. I mean I use find my I use it whenever
I was fine. My before I look I mean why would I look for it when app finds it for me because
I have I have the smart wallet plus that connects the fight with I find my iPhone capability
RFID blocking is got a cool thing where you can go like FBI and then it's got a magnet
so you flip it back up and then it's got money clip and then it's got a bunch of places
for cards. So if you're rich or business cards. Yeah. And also it's got this cool like thing
that fits five cards in this thing. It's like a switchblade to go. Yeah. And Oscar. Yeah.
Oscar is a cool company and it's from Hong Kong which is the beacon of capitalism in
China. And sometimes you might think like it's probably Tmoo quality or something. You know
it's not. I've tested this thing I waterboarded it. I shot it. It's very quality. It still
works. You really want China. Nice. Really want China to have your location your wallet.
Yeah. They're doing great. I do. I do. I mean we're probably going to change. We're probably
going to change their currency. Yeah. I mean may as well get ahead of the game. So nobody
owns us except for the Chinese corporations and they really do own our country. And it's
fine. I mean they own our podcast. I signed away our podcast in exchange for two wallets.
We pay more interest than for our own military. Yeah. That's kind of a good deal. But guys
50 percent off code at 40 45 percent off I think now my phone promo code is bad comedy
and it's actually a legit sick wallet. I got one for my Robinson for his birthday using
the promo code to make sure it works. And then I got I got to put out this clip so that
that I promised a long time ago and never put it out but I'll put it out. They're going
to take away our desk after putting out a funny one. Yeah. Yeah. In local news I got
my Zany's clip back and let's just say comedy fatty. Stephen Haas if you think I'm going
to thank you for this. God damn man. Hey it's not his fault. You've been drinking
too much. Yeah. It's not his fault directly. Yeah. How many grams of sugar you got in
that twisted TV. Let's trick this down. You should start drinking like just straight to
tequila. That's what all the keto guys do. I don't know. But it doesn't taste this way.
I don't give him that idea. Just tequila and water. This is a genius marketing tactic.
They don't tell you it's it's got to have no they have to tell you don't they just as
contains alcohol. That's all. But if you bought in a box it's probably on the box.
The store buys the box and they so they get the information flavor. Is that original.
There's no contents or whatever. It's original but I just this is a bone I had to pick with
Stephen Haas. You don't even have the ingredients. You're going to send me this clip with editing.
You're not using AI to make me look thinner. You're not even doing your job. Basically
I can't feel it. I don't know that. Oh no this is just T normal T making your own twist.
This is reversal. I said I didn't twist it to you. It's giving me normal T. I don't want
normal T. I do have a sugar free monster energy drink. So I think that'll help balance it
out. Okay. So it's got it's got 23 23 grams per small can. So that's probably got 50 grams.
So much. Is that how many not even some just calories. So much sugar. That's 24. It says
14 or 24. Am I misreading it. Yeah you're right 24. So that's got just like guaranteed
diabetes. About 50 grams of sugar in it. My life is I think it's crumbling now. We'll
give it five years. Like if that maybe you're becoming Jason because of blood oath. No I'm
going for a mix blood. You need to get more. You need to get more my Crohn's. You lose
weight. I was thinking if I started losing blood I might lose some sugar out of the blood.
I give you some true. I give you some more. I tried bloodletting as a dietary. I like
to put leeches on my body all over my body. It takes out the bad blood. That's good. The
blood was at the surface. Yeah. Yeah. The bad blood and the good blood. Yeah. Yeah.
We got a bad that doesn't leeches always sing after the bad blood out of me. They say
now you got bad blood. And we got to know leeches could say I didn't know as a leeches
ex boyfriend. Yeah. Gosh your ex-boyfriends are going to hell demon time on it. How about
that? That's funny. Evil in the world and you're like wow I'm writing the line of being pure
evil right now. And you realize me and me and Nuri used to watch this show called bad boys
club on Zeus network. The special network that only black people know about for reality
shows. It's cool. Yeah. It's like ghetto reality shows. Yeah. It seems like it's like what if
we could make reality shows in a world where there's no laws. So there's a show called
bad boys club and it's I think I've described to you it's like 20 gay guys and three homophobes
and they all live in a house together and fight every episode. And there was a guy on
the show called William the baddest and he was kind of fat and they call him William
the fat. Exactly. It was like the greatest owner. They could have called him William
the Baptist. That's why I just need ozempic. So I really saw myself up for it. Get ozempic.
Ozempic does make your face kind of look old. That's what they say. Like oldens your
face you're going to look like Max mom. Max mom is so old. Well that's why they call it
old old ozempic. Ask me how old she is old. They call it when she was a kid they said
young McDonald's farm young McDonald's song called young McDonald's farm. Yeah. Also the
Neil Young song is called young man. Take a look at my life when it came out when your
mom was a kid. Neil Young's name made sense because he was also young. So fucking old.
How old she is when back when your mom was a kid history. History wasn't a class yet
because there wasn't any. When she was in the first grade they invented now that Neil
Young's old man. She was in the first grade they invented dirt. Pay attention to what
happens from now moving forward because that might be itself. Yeah. But Neil Young should
do an updated song that is not that he's an old man. And he's like I took a look at
look at your life. And it turned out my name is Neil. We're the exact same person. It's
so sweet by Neil old. Just come to me again. I found out I'm crazy horse. I'm exactly not
afraid to become their mom. I became my grandma I found out because my grandma wears a lot
of perfume. Wait. Wait. I thought she's a weeping willow also. No. My grandma is not
a weeping willow. You looking at the news. This is an interesting to you Mac. I'm listening.
I turned into my grandma. You put him perfume. Cologne. She wears a lot of jewelry a lot
of ice. Some more rings some more racial opinions. Yeah. Well we don't talk about it. So yes
you're Puerto Ricans. You can say anything you want. Yeah. And you're kind of like Louis
Chagomas. You're kind of like Kamala Harris. Yeah. You're like a man of the week every
race. You're Asian. I need a lot of help you guys. It's all Texas girl dies after after
parents attempted to treat life threatening injuries with smoothies and vitamins. Wow.
They could work. It could have worked. Yeah. You don't hear the stories where it works.
Yeah. That's right. You just hear the kid dies. I'm very curious. That's what the injuries
were. She's like self inflicted or were they maternal paternal. I know this. I mean smoothies
can help probably. Those respiratory issues. OK. How do you have a respiratory issue? Smoothies
usually works for that. Well yeah. I mean she's crazy. She's got some vitamins every
time that I have respiratory issues. I just drink a smoothie and take some vitamins. I'm
fine. Take some mosaic. I'm going to have to call the ACLU and get these people out.
I'm taking men's once a daily vitamin twice a day. I call the ACLU all the time. You take
once a day once a day two times a day. I would take it twice daily. Maybe that's why I take
that. Maybe that's why I get a little take that. I think that's why I get a little better.
No I need a little testosterone in my system. You've been taking a lot of tea. Yeah. I've
been also I've been spilling a lot of tea. Not going to lie. You know you're taking a
bunch of weird stuff like pills and stuff. I wish I wish I had more access to I just
drugs and alcohol. I heard reason that nicotine raises the nicotine raises testosterone levels.
I think it's actually true. I mean yeah you ever talk to a woman who smokes a lot. Yo
what's up. I'm Ray. I'm Ray. I'm Ray. I'm Ray. I'm Ray. I'm not used to smoke. I didn't
want to just text you guys just you take Chantix. I want to just say the chantix. You take
Chantix. I've been taking Chantix. I don't even smell. I take Ozenpik Chantix. Hey I'm
Ray and I take Ozenpik. Ozenpik is what is basically what the nutty professor is about.
This is a potion that makes you thin. Wow. Well Ray Liotta was still alive. They should
have done that commercial but just subbed in different drugs. I used to be so happy.
And I used to be fat. And then I started taking Ozenpik. I stopped using my autism.
And then I died. I used to use my autism for good and I would measure everything and all
the vitamins and nutrients. The real amounts and I use it for evil. I would bounce out whatever
I had deficiencies in with supplements and how do you know you have a deficiency because
I will just be taking less than the at least the recommended amount. But then I'm like
oh you measured your whole diet. The whole thing. You got to be careful because sometimes
you're getting a lot. You could overdose on vitamins. Yeah. Very hard. Well depending
on the vitamin but it's very hard. It's not that hard actually. Which vitamins are you
like like a lot of vitamins have an overdose. Normally you just piss it out. Yes true but
you can overdose. I had a dietitian as a nutrition class and a nutrition. I took a nutrition
class and coach. You should probably know what you. Yeah I know. I know everything. I
just don't eat good. Like oh yeah yeah I know the rules. I just don't follow them because
I like to have treats. What was they say about a cake in it. They said cake is fine once
in a while and I said cake is great all the time. I'm not saying I'm right. I'm just saying
like I know the rules and I don't follow them. Jason you need to get back to being good
boys again. We need to follow the rules again you guys. Jason follows the food pyramid but
just takes out he takes out meat and fruit and vegetables. Food pyramids. So it's just
sugar and bread. The food pyramid. I'm good on that. Food pyramid. That's true. Yeah the
aliens need to pay for the food pyramid. There's no alcohol. A lot of your fat cells are developed
when you're going through adolescence. So it's like some fat people really struggle lose
weight because they have more fat cells than non fat people. If you're fat as a kid it's
like a lot of your fatness is your parents fault. Yeah. My parents like didn't raise
me you know like I was raised basically in the woods. Yeah but if you if you're just
they would fill the fridge full of Dr. Pepper and then I would I never drink water for the
first 20 years of my life. Hell yeah. I just drink Dr. Pepper. Yeah I'm gonna go for pepper
kind of scar 23 flavors my man. Yeah I mean where you where you live seems like a Dr.
Pepper place. Yeah it was a diet. You look like you live in a Dr. Bob type of place.
Because it's not a mountain mountain lightning type of area Dr. Bob was in Dyer'sville. I
want to drink a lot of diet Dr. Pepper. Yeah I think you drink a little bit of college who
is my life. Dr. Bob you know what I was thinking about the other day with Dr. Bob. What if there
was a apex child predator or apex prey is a predator it's a apex child predator has nobody
who's a predator of him. To catch your predator. No Chris Hanson can't touch them. What about
a Xanax predator but they're always too like barred out. They never make it to the. Chantix
predator. They're too tired. So it looks like the researchers it looks like the scientists
that are really smart because one article says that it decreases testosterone and one
says that it increases it and so it looks like these scientists are really good. I'm
pretty accurate and consistent. Yeah. I love science. I just I gave up on it a long time
ago. Yeah and I was believing God. I started believing in emotions more and demons and just
kind of substances. I abandoned Tarot astrology and shit. Chiropractic. Right. I mean we believe
in astrology in a way. Let me recommend Stoicism. You dread flag. You've been staying stoic
still. Well I'm trying to say Stoic almost texted you. Stoic and he doesn't even know
it. Yeah. He's a stoic and he doesn't even know it. I think I think you've gotten more
stoic. You've been watching Stoic videos. So Max and me bunch of stoicism videos. You
watch them all. But he's saying if I'm late I'm going to get fired. I almost want to
say stoicism. You know I feel about getting fired neutral. Yeah. Things happen in life.
If you're not if you're not early you're late. True. You're not first you're last. Exactly.
I am curious. What vitamins. What vitamins would you like. You can I OD on all of them.
If you look it up there's like. All right. Here's an example that from my class I always
thought this was cool. You're typing. Do you really live leave on the keyboard sounds.
What do you leave on the keyboard sounds. I don't know. I don't know. That's kind of
fucked up if you do that. It's more kind of changes my opinion about you. I don't use
this normally. A little bit. Anyway she said like sometimes when you're an alcoholic they
they put you on a bunch of B six because it helps you not die when you're going through
withdrawal in the hospital and they'll give you so much B six that one of the symptoms
of overdosing on B six is you get like sort of like panic attacks but it's like more specifically
you think you're going to die like specifically you're like I'm going to die because you're
overdosing on B six. That's so good alcohol. That only happened one time to me and that
was when I didn't know the Blue Angels were going on and then I heard Jeff. That's my
story. You have the same story. The same story. I just told them the car the other day and
then I was like I was like well this is it. I'm just going to be get vaporized. Yeah.
I mean I just kind of like accepted it. I was listening to nothing but then Carlin wore
over the Pacific podcast and just think about the atom bomb and stuff. I said that I hear
it. Get fly over. I accepted my death and then yeah I was kind of thinking it's like
damn sometimes the air conditioner turns on. I think that too and then that's people's
real lives. Yeah. They really might just get bombed and so I bet that's happening to people
and missiles like really happened. I guess for us it's kind of a little game. I think
can you always something can you and this is what popped up. Sorry. Can you get pregnant
on your period and you have sex with a UTI. Can you get mono twice. Can you live without
a pancreas. Can you get pregnant with precom. Can you what I think you can. I don't know.
I think I had an abortion. Well yeah I think you can. That's that is against God. Yeah.
Call it. That's what that's what the best thing to eat after you pick up your girl a
plant parenthood little Caesars. She just had an abortion. It's the best food to eat
after an abortion Caesar like they got back. Does it make you like a pregnant again. Oh
nice. Little Caesars. Yeah there you go. Some people have little Caesars. Do you know anyone
who has Caesars. My Aunt Rosie has Caesars. That's what she got brain damage. That's why
she's like that. Yeah. Retarded. I don't know what she is. We could probably make a list
of who we can guess. You know nobody says what she's got but we definitely get a closer
spot in the parking lot. She's got follow me. She's got page one and page two of the
menu. Yeah. She's a big fan lady. That plays into it. You're going to long so well. We
get along so well because she's got a good sense of humor. You're both. Honestly, it's
because she has a good sense of humor. She loves to laugh. It's really you just need to
find someone who's been through enough pain and then they'll just laugh at stuff instead
of take it for what it actually is. Yeah. We're watching an old movie and a guy punched
a woman in the movie and Rosie started laughing really hard. I noticed that a lot. And I was
like why is that funny to you? And she goes because he hit her. I have noticed I have
these like these hangover pill kind of things that are like heavy and be vitamins and I
have noticed if I take too much of it then like I kind of my face like it's hot. I mean
who knows what's in those things. Vitamin B. Is it just vitamin B only like this guy
such an idiot he'll take a pill for a hangover. I mean I've been trying to find I've been
trying to figure out the hangover here for so many years and it turns out is drinking.
Yeah hair of the dog bloody Mary of the dog. Yeah. Do you think the first person that came
up with that like eight some hair off a dog probably him. Well have you ever eaten hair
from a dog you get fucked up the next day you have to eat some hair of the dog to get
the hangover. Yeah. I was speaking of dogs. I was watching this documentary. I was
speaking of dogs. I was watching this documentary today. This one. Oh this one is zero sugar.
Is that what it says. Yes. This is healthy. My dad would drink this one. He is jacked.
This is just this is not how is it. No. Yeah. This is not one of the monster. You are making
your own for Locos here. Like he's going back and forth from a monster and a twist.
Well that one's zero. I don't know that. It cancels out the other one. Yeah. It's like
you only had 25 grams of sugar. You are literally making your own for Locos. He got rid of the
sugar and he's doing this one for caffeine. Most serious. So you guys know any reason
most likely to step in. So yeah ingredient in multiple in a multiple vitamins and a
multi vitamin. Monster toxic and larger amounts. But the most serious risk comes from iron
or calcium. Okay. I just ate like a piece of metal. Yeah. I go trust me doc. I think
about it at the end every day when I'm saying. Yeah. I said trust me doc. I'm always putting
the iron to my skull. If you know what I mean. I keep my metal real close inside my mouth.
Yeah. I say trust me doc. Every morning I wake up take my iron out of my mouth. Legitimately
if you put your like an iron thing in your mouth some of that would become vitamins because
it would go into your system. So I guess so like you put more copper in your blood. I'll
start licking my gun. Yeah. You can lick your gun. But I don't know what you know it might
not actually be iron. What is your gun made out of. It's got to be iron. Okay. We never
know there's these metal alloys nowadays that have you know they're like combination. Hyper
vitamin. It's called hyper vitamin. You have too many vitamins. Too many vitamins. Not
enough. Vitamin A can be bad. I need to that's only if you take 10 times the deal. I got
to like a suggestion for single guys. I found this to be true that women like you when you're
really healthy. So I always wear a shirt that says vitamins when I'm single. That picks
up girls. You should get a shirt that says vitamins. It's like a peacock feather. Yeah.
You should get a shirt that says like I'm healthy or like a shirt that says diet. Even
better. I get one that you know this is certified. It looks like a fake six pack. Yeah. Nabs
says I'm held like a body. Yeah. That also and then I also have the one that's like a
bikini girl with a goop. I think you want this as a licensed dietitian. I should get
one of those bikini girl shirts for the podcast. Like a female body. Yeah. How much. I should
get some of those big Johnson shirts. Remember big Johnson. This guy was tearing it up.
You just get all over the floor to T shirts. This is a good question. What happens if you
eat three vitamin gummies instead of two. Now you feel great. Actually. They don't ask
you like my friends. Are you on Yahoo answers. There's so many different types of vitamin
gummies. My friends. The recommend it. He's like I had the munchies. I'd have trouble
with. Actually. I see. Tom's is a candy. I have a story. So good. My girl. She's sleepy.
It's a lot like she gets up in the middle of the night and eats a bunch of food and
she had just gotten some vitamin multivitamins that were gummies and in the middle of the
night she ate like 30 of them or something and she was sick the whole next day. She had
probably vitamin Moses whatever you said. She got sick eating vitamins. I guess B12
is very unlikely because it's water soluble. Yes. Yeah. All the only the B is the B ones
are the ones that make your piss like neon green neon green. Yeah. So it's about you
know I think only the fat soluble ones are way more dangerous. It's K and those are very
soluble for you. It's the K one. Yeah. Vitamin K. Yeah. No. I just think we need to all
get healthy and jacked as a bit. I think you know how we can do that. We'll get a dune
of ketamine right. Oh my god. We start. Yeah. We'll start meeting at the gym at a certain
time. You'll be late every time me and Mack was super. I'll stay late. I'll be late. We'll
be. We'll be yoked. Yeah. Dude. Yeah. That's a bit. Because I don't want to go. I guess
me and Mac are really strong and you're fat and ugly. I don't want to go. You miss out
on 20 minutes. You miss out on all the cardio at the beginning. 20 minutes. Where I would
like to get not waiting for Jason. How about it. We run we run three miles and you miss
out on that. How about no cardio though. We become like strong men. You know like we
just focus on the we say fat. In fact you got to start bulking up because we want to
be we want to be fat but we could like lift a car up. I can't do squats because I don't
want to go. I will cut. Fuck. Yeah. I've macted squats as whole like asshole would fall out.
Yeah. I would get probably three assholes. No. He literally make goats eat you. Yeah.
I'll tell you folks. Two assholes is enough. I used to have two assholes. It's not better
than your new if you're a new listener. I used to have two assholes. You want to know my
least favorite. I'm not going to explain it at all. Vitamin go see. The worst vitamin
vitamin goat see. What. Yeah. I Google it. The graceful time. Goat see. I don't know what
goat see is. I'm too. I guess if you don't know what it is. It's OK. All you have to
do is Google it. Goat see. So we need to quit all these trash substances. We're going to
be in the gym. Trending hard focusing on ourselves and getting 1% better every day.
Yeah. I bet you that's all it takes. But that's a lot to ask about. It's a lot more than you
think. I bet you create. You probably won't do that. I bet. So we'll see what happens.
I don't I'm scarred from life. I want to get I want to I want to become one of the V. I'm
going to become one of the vegan bodybuilders. You know about those guys. I'm a I'm a I'm
a I'm a I'm a like a thousand pounds of cabbage a day. Well they just stink. They're just farting
cars. Charles. No one wants to go back to their. Oh dude. My roommate. Well he used to eat
you see Kim Chi all the time. It smells. Oh yeah. Kim Chi. It's fermented. Yeah. Stop.
All right guys. Trending searches that we might like. I might like. Where's our guest at.
Mpox virus outbreak. Mpox virus lockdown. That sounds good. Oh yeah. The Mpox is coming
to town. They're not going to let another lockdown happen. People. Oh wait. Our guest
isn't here. 5 30 or something. Yeah. We should close this one off. We're all going to get
a jack though. Yeah. I'm calling our shot now. Guys next time you see us we're going
to be fucking so fucking intense. Yeah. Let's get jacked for the live show. I do want to
lose like 10 pounds just so I could wear all my cool shirts again. Let's set a goal like
that. We're all lose 10 pounds. Can you wear that sweater next week and then put on the
big years. Yeah. I'll do that. I love that. The cap. The cap. The color. It's wetter.
Dude. The winter comes. I have a lot of cool sweaters lined up. I was going to wear this
coming and then so I just want you to wear this sweater with a big year. It's a funny
as ever seen here. I think I wore that sweater for the live show. Didn't I. Would you wear
that brown sweater. Maybe I wore the pill sweater. We can do one dress for being Tony
the tiger. We can do it. We can do one in China down to called a rive show. There you
go. Yeah. Oh it's a new Matt Rife special guys. I want to plug that. Cool. I'm not
going to write. I'm not going to do in plugs. Yeah. Well because I just wanted to say because
you're fat and I just wanted to you know use your brother. No it's a strong man. He's
my brother Matt Rife. You're barely lift a car. Oh yeah. You have five brothers. I can
what's a car. You lift your five brothers out of poverty. No. No. They're in poverty.
Exactly. One's like a supermodel that gets like NFL size checks. Yeah. What's up with
that. I called him the other day and he was like he's like I'm a grease on a boat. I'll
say OK. You know Ty Lopez that guy used to be like these are all my cars. It was like
a YouTube commercial. Yeah. I saw a thing I was like do you want Ty Lopez on your podcast.
Yeah. I was like no he wants to be on our podcast. That's why he's advertising. Yeah.
Yeah. That guy is desperate. Oh we need to get Kevin Spacey on the podcast. He's on his
side of the story. So I'll hit up Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacebar. Yeah. I mean we'll we'll
give everyone a chance of redemption except for that one guy. The one open maker. The
one that won the redeem himself on our podcast. But we'll he sent me a message. We'll let
it. We'll talk about it on the Patriot. We'll let on. He sent me a message. Well we'll let
on. Just like Maxwell. We'll let on Kevin Spacey. I'm going to tell you I'm going to
I'm going to read his thing on the podcast again. No he sent me more. Oh really. Yeah I
forgot about it. It's like no people forgot. Yeah. Just like one or two more messages.
I'm not blocked by him. Oh yeah. Dude he sends huge text blocks. Yeah hell yeah. What do
you say. Give him a spot. Just that I don't like him. You know be able to make his pitch
but then it's like people already forgot about this. You know. Yeah. It's not going to help
to try to reintroduce yourself to the scene by saying I'm the guy you remember like a
year ago over a year ago. I got an idea for people like him. We should start a men's only
open life. I think that probably age well. Also I'm going to start a mic called grab
ass. No. Well that should be his mic. Dude can you imagine that. Can you imagine the
psychotic energy we could create at a men's only open mic. Well I literally like I want
to serve my storm. You know. I don't have to say like any race welcome any race. Of course
I want to make it not race. I don't think anything goes Mike and then I'm going to say
anyone here think that like you can't say offensive stuff or you don't even hear you
get offended. And if someone raised their hand I say get out of here. Yeah. Yeah. Can anyone
hear anything offended by jokes. You shoot them in front of them. I'm going to ask you
to leave. Kindly leave. Bouncer. Finally leave. Yep. Doing higher two big bouncers. Yeah.
They all got a guy. Yeah. Big guys. Big guys who are also little drunks. They don't fall
the rules. I got to do my I got to do my album recording. Ten minute. Yeah you were talking
about this ten minute. You should do a men's only album recording. No women. No women.
Men. The man Mike. Yeah. The man which I was thinking of starting just like men's day.
I like that. Well it's man man. We got to celebrate. Well people get a day. Yeah people
always say that every other every other day. It's always our month white. So we celebrate
we should celebrate. Yeah. Let's have parades. Let's celebrate all the days that were it's
not just about today. We're celebrating the whole year. Except parades every day. Men's
year. Women and bikini. Every year that we'll get the cool instruments that they have in
the parades in New Orleans guitars. We'll get the guy from Mad Max. We'll get that guitarist.
The best guitarist of all time. We've got the hooks in his back. Yeah. All right. Let's
close this off. I'm Dylan plugs. We're gonna have machine guns on man's day. I don't have
any plugs except for September 8th. They're gonna be probably what's going on. What's going
on then. We're gonna have a live show comedy bar comedy bar. Yeah. The way the comedy
club comedy bar Chicago. That's the best club in the city. It is now September 8th. It
definitely will be. I mean it always has been always is. So I'm really happy they booked
us. I had no idea until just now today. And then you want to be followed at comedy baddie.
All right. Cool. Yeah. No. No. Make sure you check me out September 8th at the comedy
bar for our live show. I just have a lot. Really. Yeah we're doing a live show at the
comedy bar. It's going to be one of the last few last one of the few last times to see
me before I have some ridiculous health problems that prevent me from just making a
prediction. We have some huge health problems on the horizon. So make sure you get at me
while I still have working legs. Well you have two fake legs. Those two diabetes trips.
Get him while you still can. I'd be a great pirate right now. You guys can't see his legs.
Twice the pirates you'd ever be. You got two peg legs and they really scratch my floor.
All these liberal men love it. And we're worried about the people that like it.
But it can really fast. He's like Pistorius. Yeah. He's a big blade runner. Yeah. I guess
we got a live show at comedy bar September 8th and tickets on sale. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.
I don't even know. I had no idea. Yeah. So get tickets now because it will sell out.
And as I said if it's not selling out like a day or two before I'm buying all the tickets
and I'm giving away to homeless people which means comedians. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Which means
not you. Yeah. Specifically not comedians. Yeah. Not. It will not be comedians. I give
it for the free tickets. It's going to be all your peers. If you're listening and buy
a ticket because the sound just went out. Oh your mic just went out. I still hear me
because you will not be getting a free ticket from me. You got to buy it. It's cheap. And
we'll probably. No. It's cheap. Just buy it and then you can you can eat pizza there
too. Pizza. So go to that. Follow me at bad boy comedy on everything. Spidey canceled
Jason on Twitch and then cool Jason Macdon on Instagram also and hey folks we love you.
We'll we got a big surprise next week. We got a big surprise coming Thursday. A guest
episode. So we'll see then if you're a patron. If you're not patreon.com slash bad comedy
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your life for the worse. Bye.