Oh yeah, still lower than our everybody. Welcome to the bad comedy podcast. My name
is Megan Mackle. I'm in here and I'm here with a fat so hey,
Slop. We got Jason and Dylan. Fat so
I'll call myself fat smaller. I actually weighed myself today and I don't
weigh more. I've been weighing the same about for like a while, but none of my clothes fit.
So I think I'm like like my muscles turning into fat because you know muscles
have I think I'm getting wider but not gaining weight. Okay. So it's like I'm
feeling with air or something. So that's bad. I probably oh it's the worst. Yeah.
Yeah. I did mess around with some helium the other day. Oh yeah. I was doing a little helium voice.
I can't imagine that because you have kind of a deep voice. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good time.
It's funny when you do whip it and you talk it's a low it's opposite it's a low voice. Do you know
helium is a non renewable resource? What is helium? We just placed it on. Yeah. And one day we're not
going to be able to do that. We should definitely buy a bunch of helium and I have no idea.
I was listening to a thing about the scientists that fossil fuels aren't
just fossil just made from animal stuff. What else are they made from? Some other shit.
They want you as the devil. Fascinating. No but there was a we can get there's like
ways to get more of that stuff. More fossil fuels. Yeah. Can we make it like lab grown diamonds?
Maybe. We can grow it in a lab. I forgot. We can we grow fossils in a lab. I want the blood diamonds.
I've also heard that hot weather causes more carbon but carbon doesn't cause more hot weather.
Carbon I feel like carbon is why I'm keep gaining weight. Yeah. About carbs. I'm Kurt
carbon. I'm a scientist. I killed Nick. Oh I K. K wide. Hey. Oh I want to appease the algorithm
real quick. I saw this product at the store and it's a flame retardant and I was like
not in 2023 homophobic and ableist. Oh is it Matt Brown shirt? Yeah.
Nobody said it said the R word in it to you know that our words coming back. Yeah. Do you think
that Arabs is going to come back to you. We got to see. Yeah. I was going to start saying the word
Arabs again. You got to say a rab. Yeah. It sounds like a cool nickname for Saurab.
He's Persian by the way. He's not even Arab. You know that. He's so rab.
Yes. True. Yeah. Also we've been being racist for a while now. And they all do this though.
All these brown comics. They do jokes about every kind of brown. Yeah. Well,
Kamala Harris isn't even Indian. She's Asian. She's the worst example. What did Trump say?
Yeah. She's a free episode. Yeah. But I almost just said it and I'd probably get in trouble.
I don't know. It'd probably be fine. I saw it. He was like I didn't even know she was black until
like three months ago. I always thought she was Indian. I thought he said she wasn't black until
three months ago. Like she just came out as black. Oh. I thought he put it on her. Not like I
didn't know. I thought he was saying like no she was never even saying this before. I think
she was saying that she wasn't even saying it. Well, you know Joe Biden said you're not black if
you don't vote for me. Yeah. Maybe she didn't vote for herself. Yeah. She wasn't out there campaigning
as much as Joe was. But so we didn't get to see her pandering side. But she definitely she definitely
coats witches to the like I do. They're probably just trying to get her to do anything. Stay on
script. She definitely leans into the into that voice. If she became really good at it, I think
that would help her. That's why I think she should lean into Asian all types of Asian and be like
I'm camera Harris. You guys all love cameras. Am I right? A vote for cameras of both China.
And you don't want her to get bullied by the president of China. Oh no. She's got to pick
up some accent. I was watching some YouTube guy and talking about being demon time for saying
bad stuff. They were bleeping the word sex. Really just say the word sex. I don't know. Like I
don't think we'll ever be able to make money on YouTube. I don't even know if we should try.
No, but I did not get demon time. I think it's a fun exercise to try not to.
It's like being a clean comic for a minute. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun exercise to do that and then
unleash on the other. They say they like on a live each other and they they don't like say the word
like kill. I don't think they could say the word kill. We say who a hide. We say cancel.
Yeah, I know. But it's fun to come up with alternative words. I don't mind doing that.
But I'm just saying like yeah, no, you're totally right. I was realizing when I was watching this
other YouTube video that they don't say anything. No, anything bad. No, it's like one. It's like
maybe one in six of our videos isn't like flagged for shocking content.
That's probably just because we didn't say anything in the first like 10 minutes or something.
It probably doesn't check the whole video. I don't know. I doubt that we can go an hour without
saying something. I really doubt that. Well, I already pander to the algorithms. I think we're
good. Okay. Because you said let's get re monitor because I canceled. COVID is real. Yeah, yeah.
Sure is. Sure is. We're pandering to the algorithm. Ben Carson. What about that guy?
Yeah. So he learned how to separate and join twins. He practiced using we had which means you
should be a politician. Why? I'm just kidding. We had practiced on dummies that you had velcro.
That's like dumb people. Do you think a guy with his background in surgery or Donald Trump has a
better like background for politics? Honestly, to make them a good like, I don't know what
honestly Trump because he's a performer. So he's able to perform for an audience. Yeah,
that's the only reason I say Trump. If that's the case, then we should have Hulk Hogan for president
because he's the greatest performer there has ever lived. I think I agree. President has to
separate can join twins and you put Trump in there and he's not cool under that pressure anymore.
His hands are shaking who Hulk Hogan. No, Trump. Oh, he has small hands. He's trying to he does
have small hands. If his hands are shaking, it kind of look like a like a like a stand mixer.
Or I would sleep like or it would be kind of like a cookie dough in front of him.
You kind of like the song. Lose yourself by Eminem. It'd be like palms sweaty.
These weak arms are heavy. Yeah, you know, I would Donald Trump came out and said,
I know something you don't know about that Kamala's real last name is Harris and Harris
have real nice parents. What if he was debating? Yeah, I but I probably further
scary movie three rap battle version better. It's the same thing. Yeah, I wanted to go out there
and say I'm a white boy, but my neck is red. I put miracle whip on my one to breath. Oh,
geez. My face is pale and I've never been in jail. That's cool. Zach was in that movie.
Yeah, he also had a rap battle fat Joe in that movie. Nice. That's a good movie.
Team USA. Yeah, that is a cool looking for a local. Can I can I waterfall a taste? Yeah.
Waterboarding. We're not sponsored by the folks. No free ads. This is actually three loco.
Look at the gold medal and waterboarding. It's funny that yeah for local doesn't need to do any
advertising. All they had to do was kill a bunch of teenagers when they first came out
and now nobody will ever forget their name. Yeah, that's the ultimate advertising. They
just had to take out the caffeine, right? Yeah, something like that. I had a bad experience
and it's like the kids aren't gonna drink a for local and drink a red bull to you know
like you know people mix caffeine and alcohol all the time. So like for a logo is the first
time that happened. That's every time I drink. Why is it for a crate for because for crazy guys
made it like there's four guys are like with a cave. Not let's see. Oh, Lobo is spelled with
the sea. Maybe it's like maybe it's like Lobo Den which we are sponsored by. Shout out Lobo
Den. Joe Boni. Check it out. I think the loco is just kind of like cool like corn. Look cool. Yeah,
it does look cool though. Yeah, I think it's like a white guy with dreadlocks at a power
hour last night and I kept thinking about corn. I have no idea who he was. He didn't go up. He
just hung out around the back of the room and then when Emily Ogil went up, he smiled really big.
Was it Jonathan Davis? It might have been Jonathan Davis. That's been awesome. Jonathan Davis
would be a huge fan of Emily Ogil. Yeah, Jonathan Davis would love. You might have been one of
Emily's friends. I don't know. He probably tried to recruit you in your stop. Could it
corn because he looks like he could be in corn. Oh, he has to do as good as hair greasy and braided.
Yeah, the context. But someone's talking about they're like corn with the K. Does that mean
anything to you? I'm like, yeah, I think it means a little something. Yeah. And backwards are. Yeah.
If someone says me backwards are, I'm like, that's that's code word for you. We're corn fans. Yeah,
you know, that's suck when you're playing scrabble and you got the backwards are, but you don't
got a K or M. No, it's the worst. But you can use the blank piece. Yeah, use the blank. I use the
blank as backwards are every time I put scrabble. Yeah, so people bring up bees. Yeah, something
to me. Yeah, electricity. What about you know the sword in the stone? What about the sword?
The sword in the corn in the stone? How about that? I like it. Yeah, Scalibur. Yeah, it was that
that's not a real sword or was that a real I mean the sword in the stone thing is not real.
Merlin is a real Excalibur right Merlin was real I think Excalibur Merlin was the elites are in
corn. Yeah, well Merlin was the early he was the resputing of that of the King Arthur's court.
And then there was Sir Lance a lot. Why do you call that? Because I lance a lot. So many people
are fucking sick. That's right. Like Sir Arthur. King Arthur. Sir makes a lot. Sir makes a lot.
King Arthur the art. He's actually an art sir Elton John. Sir Paul McCartney. Yeah, they have
knighted way too many people. Yeah, they can you only get them in the battle and see what
happens. Can you only get knighted if you're British? Is that a spacey British? No, he's
knighted. Yeah, really? Dude, I wonder. That's amazing. Yeah, I still like Kevin Spacey. I don't
care about all the stuff. Yeah, I think he was just hiding being gay. He's too good of an actor.
He's just I separate the artist. I like the movie seven. I like when he makes Brad Pitt say
what's in the box? Do I call that guy who's evil is great at playing villains and movies?
He's basically like he's like I think of him. I don't I like to think of coming to Spacey more
as the serial killer from seven than the pedophile from real life. Yeah, his acting. Honestly,
he's a great actor. But if you think about it, his his job in acting and pretty much everything
is just to be deadpan and kind of evil. Yeah, pretty easy. You could probably play Kevin.
How about this though? You ever see your Nicholas Cage? Would you be impossible to you ever see
the one where he's Kaiser Sosa? What's that movie? Usual Sussex and he's so good at acting. He
pretends like he has a limp. He's very mad at you because he he's pretending to have a limp
as a guy who doesn't have a limp. That was so he's like acting in acting. Yeah, wasn't it?
Wasn't that the sequel to my left foot? Is that a joke we've done before? Yeah, okay, yeah.
It was the sequel. That movie was parodyed in Scary Movie One. I want to rat-bite the scary
movies, of course. Scary movies. Oh, you're right. It was. Did it come out around the same time? I
feel like it's way older. It is older. Yeah, but screen movie one was able to kind of use like
Exorcist or a screen movie to use Exorcist, I think. I don't know. I don't know. The screen
movie one was able to use any one prior to that, but then the other ones kind of had to use ones
made in the middle. I like whoever. I love the Exorcist. I think that's like what is one of my
favorite movies. I like I like anything. I like whoever watched the Exorcist and thought, man,
I'd like to fuck that girl. I bet she'd be crazy in bed. That demon. That's my goal. And then they
wrote it into a scary movie. Isn't that what happens? She like gets possessed and then they
have crazy sex. I think so. I'm trying to remember this from like 10 years ago. I think that's the
case. But I like the Texas massacre. Yeah, I like that movie. Wow. The original. No, the one that
you ever see the one with maybe not maybe the original. You ever see the one with Matthew
McConaughey and he's got a robot leg? No, you have to see that. It's called a Texas Texas
chainsaw massacre next generation. Matthew McConaughey plays like the the chainsaw guy's
brother. Is that actually true? Yes. Have you seen Jason X? Yes. It's been a while, but yeah,
he's in space. Yeah, yeah. It's it's Friday, the 13th movies, but it's that it's I don't even think
it's the 10th one. It's just it is the 10th one. The 10th one was supposed to be Jason versus
Freddie at the end of the ninth one. You see Freddie's claw up and pull Jason's mask underground.
Wait at the end of Freddie versus Jason at the end of Friday, 13th, nine. What do you see? It's
called Jason goes to hell or something. You see Freddie's claw come up and pull they like
they foreshadow Jason versus Freddie at the end of the Jason, but then they but then they ran out
of money and they did. They did Jason in space to make money to do Freddie versus Jason. It came
out right after I feel like Freddie versus Jason did well. It came out after the space one, but
the why they should have had a follow up to Freddie versus Jason because that ends with Jason
carrying Freddie's head out of the water, but and then Freddie Winks. Yeah, they set up for a
sequel or something. We need it. Where is that? I need the next one. Whenever they do that. It's
like the last movie they ever did of either of them, if you like. So I think they came out with
like some re-dos of of both. Oh, okay. I didn't know that with like a different actor. You get
you. I want to go back to the same. You got to the same Freddie Kruger actor. Kevin Bacon is in
the first brother 13 Kevin. Kevin Bacon Ranch. Yeah. Yeah. He did like that and then he did like
Apollo 13. When they wink like that, it's like that's not the end of the movie cliff anger.
Apollo 13 has a star stud cast and I noticed that half that cast is also in the show Prison
Break. Apollo 13. Yeah. Really? That goes also in prison. Tom Hanks isn't that? So wouldn't be
great to get that guy in prison. Do unspeakable things to the actors. They're totally innocent
or totally guilty. Tom Hanks. Yeah. Yeah. It's a show shake situation. Yeah. It's funny. But two
of the actors you wouldn't know by name are in also in prison break. Yeah. I bet they're also in that.
I think we talked about this before. And like half the actors in American History X are in Boy
Meets World. Yeah. That's the best. That's the best. Yeah. They really they all play races in
American History X. Well they had to pretend to be nice in Boy Meets World and then they
wanted to really let out their true. They met world like other countries. Oh yeah. Ethan
Chumley got all these tattoos or not Ethan. Is that his name? No. Ethan Hock. Supley.
That's how I got skinny is eating a bunch of soup. Ethan. It's even eaten soup. Yeah. He got a
bunch of racist tattoos and then did American History X. Wow. And then he sang the song in
that movie where they say the the the B board. You know. Like my eyes have seen the story.
Yeah. I can't even sing it because I don't even know what some of that parts of the song means.
I thought that movie American History X sucked actually. I thought it was scary. People say
it's like one of the best movies. Just because I'm sorry. But it's the last time you saw it.
I haven't seen in a long time but I just reflect on that. I'm like dude this guy needed like to
meet a black guy to know they're not bad. Is that the fucking moral of the story. Kind of.
Yeah. He goes to jail and he meets a black guy who's kind of cool and he's like oh my god I've
been racist this whole time. I killed a black guy over this. Yeah. And then well then he tries to get
his little brother out of it and then his brother is like starting to do well and not be it. And
then he gets killed by a black guy. That's what happens. Wait. It's like the boy in the
straight. But it's the moral of the story that that you shouldn't try to reform.
So you get killed by a black guy. Yeah. There's two morals. One meet a black guy so you don't
become racist. Two. If you're already racist stay racist. I mean you've done the damage.
Yeah. He gets shot in the end by a black guy. So he should have. Yeah. There's come a point
in life you have to stop growing and changing. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder what you don't want to be
like a 50 year old man who's trying to rap or something. It's like well actually I have an
idea about this. You can't teach an old dog new tricks in dog years. So for us that'd be
you're like 70. That's old when you're 10 years old. So you should stop changing at age 10.
Okay. You know I think maybe earlier. Yeah. Age five. 35. That seems like a good time to stop.
Yeah. I don't really know how dog years work. It's like seven. So like for every year of us
is seven years for them. That's just kind of the calculation. The rough calculation of their
lifespan. So so. Roof. Dogs can have dogs can have sex when they're three. Yeah. Okay.
You can drink when they're three. I have sex. Yeah. Join the military.
Oh speaking of dogs. Fair enough. That not dogs in the military but dogs in the police.
There's a movie called Muzzle. That's very good. I heard of that movie.
You heard about it. There's a movie Jim Belushi called canine. The main character in this one
is like a buddy cop movie where one of the buddies is a dog. The main character is Harvey Dent.
Wait. What was it called? Canine. The main character is like the letter K. The number
nine. It's Harvey Dent is the main character in this one that I'm talking about. Man's best friend.
I think man's best friend is a woman. Nice. Interesting. Women are dogs. Whoa.
Or my dog. Only Rosie O'Donnell. Only Rosie O'Donnell. Okay. Yeah. I want to make the whole
audience bark or howl at the moon like Ozzy Osbourne. Um.
We want to. Wait. Right or Ali left. I was I was I was just about to I was just about to say all
the board. All the board. Good song. It would be cool if you made that on Ozzy Osbourne.
Shout out to Ozzy Osbourne. Oh guys. Make sure to check out Willie Nelson.
Saturday, September 7th. And then our live show on the eighth really wanted to stop doing ads
for our live show. No for Willie Nelson. No for Willie Nelson. Dylan's really good
play about the Willie Nelson ads are getting out of control. November 4th. Maybe check out
Willie Nelson then too. Well he'll be alive till the spring of 25 I believe. I mean I hope because
I bought about a million dollars. I've got a million dollars worth of t-shirts that say
Willie Nelson the fall or the fall of 1934 until the spring of 25. Remember how we did a blood oath
last week. Yeah. Right there. Why is that on the wall of ops? Yeah. Why is it on the wall of ops?
Oh I don't know. I just put it up really quick today. I was thinking I'll put it up. I'm gonna
frame it. Well it sucked to play bass with it. Definitely cut the wrong figure.
I did not think this through. I was like what if I got Crohn's from this. Yeah. I was stupid.
It's probably about getting all you guys. I was like what if I got fed or R worded from it.
We probably gave you a couple IQ points. Honestly. I mean I just realized is I've been having brain
problems because my sleep so like after I get my sleep fixed I might get my IQ way up. You have
sleep fat. Yeah. Honestly. I think you sleep fat. I mean I have sleep apnea from being fat. Sure.
Yes. No. You're trying to say. Yeah. So for sure. But once I get that shit fixed. I'm
in accent. A new link for a new test. He's still more than us. No I'm not. Well no. I like how
it's different. The problem is the test. Yeah. No this this test you should take it. Yeah we're
going to take it. We're going to get some good sleep. I don't want to take it. It's also timed.
We're going to be hydrated healthy breakfast and then we're going to. I want to take it while I'm
taking you got it. I want to take it like the last one like while I'm taking a shit and sleep to
practice. Your time limit is still your legs fall asleep. Yeah. But make sure your healthy
breakfast is shredded wheat because we always eat shredded wheat here at bad comedy podcast.
We don't follow the compass. Is this another ad. No that's never that's never for that's never
each. And the ads are out of control back. Don't use that's not an ad as compasses. No you shredded
wheat. Oh no. So I get worms. No shredded wheat's not even a company that's weedies.
Oh what am I thinking of weedies that but they make shredded wheat is shredded. We
is shredded wheat like a thing that exists outside of we. That's like a right crunch
berries is not a brand. The Kellogg crunches the brand. Everyone makes crunch berries. I mean
never never. So you said a generic term for it is crunch berries. Yeah. The other week you said
very good crunch. You just said never eat soggy waffles which is also smart because have you
heard of the game soggy waffle. Oh I heard about that. I heard about that later. It's where a
bunch of them the guys a bunch of guys in a circle. They do they do something on to a waffle
and the last one this message is first the last one to post has to you need to come get lowest
lane or I'm going to get this waffle waffle and do something to it. That's what you said. Everyone
does something to a waffle. Yeah. That was that was good but it was kind of something to it.
After they eat the waffle they do something to it. After they eat the waffle they go
so you I bet they would have so jealous of you with that sound board right now. Yeah. Let me
get that thing. No. I mean I did a better job than you guys gave me credit for on that. I mean
it was fun. You over you over did the job. Anything money related. I mean you did you did
anything anything related. I think yeah. Nice element of my favorite element is neon. What's
yours. Oh interesting. What's yours Jason. I like uranium. Oh yeah. I like plutonium.
My favorite element is look up. I'm looking for a specific one.
It's my favorite element is elephant. You're out of your right now. I can't find it.
No. It's my favorite element is elephant. See that kind of sums up the IQ stuff. No.
No. I mean you should take the test. No. You should take the real test and see the
also my emotional. You know what the real test is me on a fishing boat this weekend.
That's the that's the real test. I want to see Jason's emotional IQ zero out there catching
bass catching bass my emotional intelligence. Yeah. You can take your EQ test. You don't
even listen to anybody. What do you mean my emotional. What do you mean. You're not emotionally
intelligent. How am I not. You're you're callous and mean. You call everyone fat. You have no
control. You walk around to complain all the time. You walk around the bar being mean to everybody.
I have a very high. I have like almost expert emotional intelligence according to the test.
So interesting. Yeah. You should take this sociopath. I'll take it.
No. I don't think you're sociopath. I'll take it.
Sociopath that we know.
Matt VanWerck. I think he just got narcissistic personality disorder. Yes. Him is a echo.
Yeah. I think Zach was got that. Dan K. I have Mark. I have Mark. Mark.
Disorder. Mark. What does he have? So see a path. Mark. Disorder. Oh he's Mark.
He's Mark. He has Mark. Disorder. He's. Yeah. Oh shout out to our super shout out to our super
fan. Shout out to our Instagram super fan perpetual pup. Oh that person added me and
messaged me and I didn't know what did they do. I don't know this message.
The podcast and they followed me and sent me messages but I didn't respond because I was I
haven't I haven't responded to any messages but shout out to that they clearly listen and
reference jokes in the podcast from the real but Instagram or from the actual pod from the free
episodes I think. Interesting. Yeah. Oh they said they message that we should beat the shit out of
you Dylan for why. So they know it's me behind the thing and then they said just kidding or I
forget why. Oh is this one of your stalkers Dylan. Yeah. Really. Well no it's all three of us.
Why do they why should we beat up Dylan though according to. Yeah let us know perpetual pup.
So honestly she makes jewelry. I look at her profile she makes jewelry that seems like some
real Michigan shit. No this girl is a sociopath. Hey don't put her down. She's a super fan. She's
a sociopath. Yeah she is. I don't know. She's something for sure. Yeah she's just having fun.
You know she enjoys the podcast and likes to tell us about it. We're probably not going to
respond to anything ever but you know that is. Yeah she's on her path I guess. What's that.
Adam Gilbert. Get out of here. She sent me two messages that were funny and I wanted to respond
but I was honestly scared so I didn't respond. I've been picked on by too many mentally ill people.
Honestly I'm a target for like people who are yeah. Yeah it gets it used to be fun maybe.
You realize what's entertaining but then I just once four or five four or five your exes have
been in a psych ward while you were dating them. You know like yeah I'm dating the wrong.
I mean perpetual pup. I'm not going to respond but everything's been pretty nice and pretty
good references you said so whatever keep it up. Yeah. I'm about Ryan Seacrest. Sorry I probably
not going to respond. Anything. No Max definitely moving in on this like a hawk right now. I mean
I mean you Ryan Seacrest you can't always have the you can't always have the fans that you want.
You know she belongs to the Sewers. Ryan Seacrest should start doing a brand of toothpaste for
whales or yeah Ryan Seacrest. I like that. Yeah. They are nice and oh the commercial should be
Hammond Brad breath. They're fighting each other. Brad Croftman yeah. A coffin and a
red breath. Roller. Yeah. This is Adam Quaslow. You heard about this motherfucker Adam Quaslow.
This motherfucker doesn't look like Santa Claus. He looked like the bag. Yeah he looked like the bag.
He looked like Santa Claus is bad. And I would tip wine because I'm black and mild. I love that
movie. I just watched it for the first time like a couple years ago. Nice. What a. Yeah. I like
that the movie like falls apart as it's happening. David tells it. Yeah. I've watched it. I was so
confused. I've seen it once and I was so confused that I forgot everything that was in it. It's
like a black Austin Powers. It should have been. You know it should have been. It was like too
too old. You know who wrote that movie. It was Chappelle. It was Louis CK. I knew I knew it was
a big comic. I wish I had his like writing ability. I like everything. I like tourism Pete.
Who knows what he knows. I know something. He'll just like write some really weird shit. Yeah.
On time Louis CK. He went to a hotel using a hotel room and then he went out and did a show.
Me and Ricardo finished our play that we're writing. We finished the first draft. Nice.
Frasier two. We got some feedback. Oh it's a play or a. Yeah. It's going to be a play.
They go live. They got performance play. Yeah. We're going to film it.
I like that. Yeah. Thanks. Frasier to Frasier to. I'm going to be. I'll be cranking out some
content soon here folks as we're approaching the live show. What kind of content you're going to do
a clip and mostly reaction stuff drama. Well yeah. No. I'm reacting to Internet drama. Yeah.
It's going to be mostly like Mark Harvick style videos. I'm going like what's going on. No way.
Yeah. Love after a lock up. What. I'm just going to change my name. Motorcycle. I'll be.
Oh was he actually. So I bet his reactions are a little bit limited. You know I was literally
going to I was I was really going to say I was going to go by Mark Carcass. He should.
He should do his reactions like Kanye West through the wire. Now it's you like is he actually
how injured injured to see. Do you know why he's walking around. He's good. Okay. So Mark
Carcass is fine. This is my is his jaw wire shot. No. But does he get a cool cane like Max
V. Gubb and he had a motorcycle accident. No he's not. Did he do a lamp. Did he do a YouTube video
like big update. Everybody got in a car accident. Life life up. That's what YouTube people always do.
Isn't he a YouTube guy. Oh yeah. He's like hey. Hey. Like big life update. Hey car skins.
It. I mean life update. I don't think that there's a possibility that there's a video of his accident
like not of his accident but him like telling everyone about it. Yeah. But he should do like a
reaction to his accident. Oh yeah. That's a good idea. Cracking. Yeah. He doesn't need a video
of it. But you can just take a slide show of like like his motorcycle and then he's like and then
I was on the street and then I was like oh and then I was like ouch. Yeah. Like oh my gosh. I was
thinking when I was flying through the air. Yeah. I love watching other people's reactions
instead of having my own. You know. Do you see Mark very often Dylan. Yeah. At least like once a week.
You still do jerks. Yeah. We moved it to the bit. The bit. That's the name of it. Or that's a place.
It's a place in Aurora. Like it's where the old comedy shrine was and then they moved. They still
got the toys. No the bit theater like bought the comedy shrine sign though. Because the comedy
shrine was like lame to comics and then I prefer this new place like bought the they made me fill
out a 401k and they paid me 15 dollars. Really. Yeah. The comedy. I did 20 minutes. The comedy
shrine is a kind of like Scientology. So it seems like it's a place where you go to hear
Scientology comedy. The worship Dave Sinker. Yeah. Like the owner. He had like pictures of himself
like on the walls and shit. That's awesome. Like it was like the wallpaper. So he had a shrine
actually in there. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Still better name than riddles for the comedy club.
I don't know how they it's like you don't know what a riddle is. Why you call it comedy club riddles.
I'm tired of these like of me. What does that mean of my heart. Sorry. I'm tired of my heart
sinking every few minutes whenever these jets fly by thinking that a nuke is about to drop.
And I would always think that too. Because I didn't know the first one I heard like two days ago I
think I was outside waiting for an Uber to go to my to go to my infusion appointment.
So to get jacked to the superpowers. And I heard one fly over and I was like well this is it.
Yeah. Because I was too much Dan Carlin's hardcore history. And then I heard it jet. And I'm like
oh my god. Yeah. I was like well I'm supposed to evaporate. So yeah. They kept going over and
over. Just crash already. Yeah. They're trying to practice to not crash. Yeah. I want to do in
the show the air show probably right. Yeah. Practicing for the air show. Aaron Aaron Chase
water show. Yeah. It's an old guy move I learned one time. I'm saying something. I don't care.
I always thought my whole life I don't care to learn what's the correct. I always thought
it was a guy named Aaron Waters and he was like does the show down by the beach or something.
It turned out it was like airplanes and water stuff going on. We'd always go to Gary for
the air and water show and watch from the beach there. I like less crowded. I like to go there
and chase show. He's just sits on a stool you know kind of like talks. This crowd word. I haven't
seen him in a while. Arian. Arian Chase. Arian Chase. That's a white Aaron Chase. He's in corn.
Aaron Chase. Yeah. Does he salute podcast. I'm sure I think we're somewhere relevant
in his podcast. I just like that all of our podcast probably close which is really sad.
We're doing bad. Yeah. You're so bad comedy. We're like almost at Aaron Chase level. We're
not doing bad at all. So we're doing we're even if we could even be considered in the same
sentences as his YouTube show. It's about the art that like Brian Rose been on multiple times.
I just like that all the podcasts Chicago are really important and us as comics was
really important. Yeah we're important guys. Because to me I don't know anything else except for
we should be talking about Jerry how many is about show or something. We should know what's
going on. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I Jerry. Jerry how many why because he said he was going to put us
in his comedy zone and he didn't. He said he's going to get if we you get for listening to
people like that. So he told us if we want two years back to back then we get an issue in there
and then he ended up like bargaining down to us having us like a side note thing and then I was
like OK fine. Let's do that. And then he I wonder if it would be good for us to even get that.
I think we should. I can't imagine reading his yeah his I can't imagine reading his bullshit.
I can't imagine even opening that he does. Gazelle. It's like worse than Aaron.
Yeah. One time I'm open a gazelle is if I'm feeding a lion in Africa. Yeah. OK.
Who do you think I am. The crocodile hunter. He's like he's like Sam Tellin. I noticed you
like crowd work. Is there anything like what about the joke the joke formation. I didn't read
some of that one because I didn't read some of that one because he mentioned me in it Sam did.
So I just hit control F to find my name. Wow. That's the play. Wait how does that
way control. Is it's fine. You don't use control. I've never done that. What the hell.
I prefer to party. You're not really a reader. I'm more of a part here.
But I think it's like based on the interview. You know that's why you open it maybe.
But then well somebody said you're mentioned as I go where command F. Yeah.
And they find my name Jason then I read it. Just like a couple of cents around it. Yeah.
And he was like it's great to come to Chicago where you they got the funniest people here like
Jason Melton and Aaron Naylor. I've heard that. I've heard that.
What Chicago scene is a little bit out of touch with the Chicago scene. He mentioned me and Aaron
Naylor and not even pinnacles of the Chicago scene. Crazy. He's vouching for you. But good job.
Sam. He did. He did tell Chris Grieven not to get back to upper near him. He didn't talk shit
about me. He says to me all the time. Yeah. I said I can't control him. Yeah. Ham.
You're on. Rogan. Ham talents on notice. Should be on the wall of ops. Yeah. I still got to finish
that picture of I am Sam Talon. Until he messes or mentions you on Rogan.
And then your comedy career will be everything you ever dreamed of. Yeah. Well I showed I'd
rather be mentioned on Tucker Carlson now that he's bigger than Rogan. So I was I tried to watch
Sam on Rogan but I was on acid and it was really scary because you're picturing Sam.
I was like somebody I know is on the TV. You're probably picturing gross Sam. Yeah. Oh yeah.
They're both like freaky looking disgusting beast. It is like a pimple talking to the body. It's on.
That would have given my ass a brand like Sam's got to Sam's got the body. Yeah. Yeah. Rogan's
the pimple but you can't pop him. Yeah. What would you do if you ran there. What do you do if
you ran the same town. Joe Rogan. It ain't ready. The pimple ain't ready. Dylan what do you do if
you if you ran into Sam Talon in a dark alleyway. I guess I'd have to turn around because you take
up the whole last time I read Sam Allen. Last time I ran Sam Allen in a narrow space I was Indiana
Jones running from the Boulder. That's kind of good. Some tribal people release Sam to roll over
me and you can kind of relate that because he's from Colorado Boulder. True. I was up in the
mountains looking for gold. Yeah. You're prospecting. Yeah. I did that thing. I had the sand. I took
some out to make sure it weighed the same. I was lining it up and I switched it like I got it and
then the whole thing went and then the boulder came and I started running and then here comes Sam
and easily. They're not they're not short shorts. I'm just really tall. He's rolling. I'm wearing it.
I'm wearing a Nathan Lawn shirt because I am a big fan of Nathan Lawn. I wore mine the other day
too. I was thinking where if black people see this they're like who's that guy who's Nathan Lawn.
I don't know why they had to be black. Oh, it might say something about me. Oh, we got to do
ads. Sorry Dylan. I'm actually excited for the ads. I'm pro ad now. I don't have my wallet with me
but I'm actually you have to use the specific link tracker link to do it. So it comes back to us
but I'll post the link but it's it's an Amazon link. You click on it so it tracks it for us. So
it helps us and it helps you and you get like 50% off with promo code bad comedy and it's a smart
tracker wallet connects to find my iPhone as RFID blocking. It's the best wallet I've ever had.
I got Mike Robinson one for his birthday and he loves it. He doesn't even have an iPhone.
But he likes to he puts his bus pass in there as his link card. He should put his buck. He should
wear his bus to pass around his neck like Michael Ashton. That really big guy. That big autistic
guy. Yeah. So that's a combo right there. They should do a team. Sorry. Go ahead. Yeah. The whale
in the middle. Lastly, these wallets are super legit. So it's on Amazon, Oz King smart wallet
shark and what is it? After all the discounts, it's like 30 bucks. So just get it and then join
bad comedy patreon.com slash bad comedy and you'll save money on everything. Time is money.
We all time is money. That's right. You'll save time money. This is off King wallet. That's what
it's called by the way. Us Kang. No broke. Get the off King and you become the Puss King. Yeah. I
realized that it wasn't the Australian King. It was an Australian King. Ruth invented us.
Kang. Oh, it's King. Yeah. K and shit. Yeah. It's kind of cool. I like that. Yeah. But I was like,
what other kind of kangaroo is there? Right. King sounds like a barbecue sauce. Kang is barbecue.
Kangy Kang. The Kang gang. Oh, wait, wait. Oh, yeah. I always forget to say off Kang gang.
Join us Kang gang now by hitting the link in this in the episode that I'll put in there.
If you're a broke bitch, you don't get a wallet. Yeah. Well, actually, you can afford this one
for all of your credit cards that you're heavily indebted to. So a girl can dream. I guess. Yeah.
This way you won't lose your debt. A lot of people say you eat. There's good debt. You want good debt
like a mortgage. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not paying that now. I'm investing it instead for a higher return.
Dude, the bank is the sucker. Yeah. Good. I don't like how they're like they're calling
a mortgage good debt mortgage sucks. Yeah. It sucks. It's nothing good about it. Well,
all I mean is it just sucks. Good debt is just they mean that I have a mortgage. Yeah. Jason
trapped himself here for 30 years. I know what the hell only the only debt they say is like good
debt is like it'll grow your credit and your credit like your age of credit and stuff like that.
And it's fixed. I just have great credit for the nuclear Holocaust. Yeah. It's like, well, I don't
need credit anymore. Yeah, it's going to be great. We should use it's going to be I'm have great credit
when the when the only thing really matters is if you could find a stick big enough to beat the
other exactly. Well, you know, they're little I can't put this thing. It's a World War four.
I don't know what's going to happen. Or three or four is going to be fall with sticks and stones.
That's a good line. And then I said they also put that in your tender bio also said
that would be a funny tender. I don't know what they're going to use the quote. Yeah. Yeah. What's
the full quote the full quote that I had invented was I don't know to have it. It's going to have
a war three or World War four is going to be fall with sticks and stones, which will may break my
bones. Bo Bo words will never hurt me. That's pretty good. Yeah. They might hurt you chances.
Pussy. Let's go. Yeah. Also, your chances of getting alone. Also, if you get your bones broken
and the only weapons are sticks and stones is probably no hospitals. Yeah. With that said,
you'd probably be in big trouble with a broken bone. Like you wouldn't be able to use that
limb anymore. Here the future deeply. Mac is always talking about financial stuff, you know.
Yeah, I go back. I have no interest. Yeah.
You do actually pay high interest. Yeah. But I actually have no interest.
I will I refuse to pay attention. Yeah. Yeah. Not paying. Yeah. You should listen to
the stock investments guy. The stock broker because or else you're getting broker like you.
I don't have any investment in this conversation. Yeah. I would have made the sound just now.
I have a high interest. No, no, no, no. The only kind of interest I have is pie interest.
And I get a loan for Jason has a lot of pie interest loans. I got a loan. That's
a he owes a lot of bakers. I gladly pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today. He owes
bakeries all around town. A thousand dollars. It's cooling down on the
my blueberry. Do you think windowsills are named after John Silman?
I think that's what he is. Window. So it does for a living. It's like a big windowsills. Yeah.
Who's John Silman? John Silva. Is that the same guy? We're using his dead name.
His dead name is John Silman. And now he's transitioned. He's a
Jose Diaz or something. Johnny the Mexican Diaz transition into being of race.
Yeah. I think he's a fan of ours. He's a secret fan.
We're big fans. I got a secret for you, John. Suck my dick. Nice.
Nice. In Spanish. Chupa me pain. Chupa. Chupa. You know, that is how you say
chupalo and chalupa are way too similar sounding. Yeah. Suck it down. What if you also chupacabra?
You know what that means? The goat sucker. You know, it's like the people's champion. It's
like to be in Tijuana and like where everyone there is in the cartel and then you go to like
you I want to take you. You go to like a Tijuana. You go to like a food truck that
serves like Mexican food and then they have you look at the menu and say, could I have a chupalo?
You accidentally say that. Oh, no. And then they kill you. They suck your peanuts. Yeah.
No. No, they kill you. If you order a chupalo from the. No, they see that as an insult and they
shoot you. Oh, I thought they suck your dick. No, that's it. And suck when you're ordering food
from the the food truck in Mexico, the food truck in Mexico and blood keeps dripping in your food
from the bodies hanging from under the bridge or when the ground beef is human. Yeah. Yeah.
You're like, I'm trying to eat my human sandwich and blood keeps dripping from the head that's
hanging above the. I never order the telephone. Gord. I never ordered ground beef because I
prefer meat that hasn't been on the ground. You know, I want beef that hasn't yet has been sitting
on the ground on the ground all day. I don't want beef with the car to army hammer type army
hammer. Arm hammer. Arm hammer of comedy. Army hammered. Army hammered is this alcoholic version
of him getting army hammered. Yeah. Probably a lot of veterans. Sarah Holcomb was the drinker
at power hour last night. Oh, good. I'm good. I'm getting good people. She was. Let me tell you
she was a draw wink. Yeah. Wink. Yeah. I don't want to be a drinker ever again. I decided
well she didn't even drink. She had one white claw. Oh, cool. She didn't interrupt anybody.
She sat there with like a bad like a like a unhappy look on her face. I'm glad they're ruining
the one unique part of that open mic. I think she might have been the worst drinker of all time.
I'm like not even lying. It's hard for me to think of another person who did a worse job.
I'm just happy the ruining in the spot of the drinker, you know, by doing something. I mean,
I mess it's not that sacred of a thing, Mac. I don't think it's a sacred thing. I'm just
ruin it. It's like who cares? They're just some people getting drunk that could be. She's not
the thing that she didn't drink. No, I'm just saying that's the that I think has been ruined
since they started having people who don't drink be the drinker. Also people who are gonna like
they've had all of us from the band be the drinker and it's like we were going to be there anyway
doing the exact same thing and none of us drink. Well, that's what we're still in a row. I did
mushrooms at least because I wanted to like participate. That's what I meant, Jason is having
people that don't drink to drinker. I want to be the drinker and have the gun there. But also
it's like I don't know who I mean they probably don't think of you because you don't go. Yeah,
they probably would have you or maybe they just don't want to have you because you annoy them
about it. Sometimes when you annoy people about stuff, it makes them deliberately not book you
because I'm like, no, fuck him. He's too annoying. Yeah, well, because every time you see them,
you ask them to be the drinker. And they probably hate that. Yeah, overly. You have. Yeah,
you feel like it's like a thing you do every year because I think they struggle to find the
drinker until last minute and that's why they end up with somebody like who doesn't drink as the
drinker like why they have like Dan, they seem to be the drinker for the fifth time, even though
he doesn't even though they don't drink and but they but they live in the same house as all the
producer. Sarah Holcomb go to the open mic. Sometimes I think she's at least out and about doing
comedy. That's true. Yeah, I haven't been so she sees like the other producers. Yeah, I also think
they pick people based on when their birthday is. It always seems like it's the drinker's birthday.
So maybe it was Sarah's birthday. But like Dan being the drinker so much is not like Dan's an
exceptional drinker. Dan doesn't drink but writing down Joe, but Dan lives there. Well, I'm well
I should move in with them. Then you could be the drinker. No, no, I'm I'm revonding them.
I wrote on they wrote on do the C. When they ask you next time. Yeah, you should say no. I'm gonna
say no. Yeah. All right, I'll look forward to that happening in the next five years. Yeah.
Now I'm so going to the open mic all the time. You should and then they're gonna be like you have
better sets at power hour than probably anywhere else. I mean, you talk about open mic wise. Yeah,
yeah, endeavor. That's not true. My best sets on my paid shows life. Yeah, I honestly think you
have better sets of power hour than on quote unquote paid shows. Well, like, which are you
referring to all of them? You know, all my paid shows. Yeah, who would do that? I got all my
paid shows when we did that. P. D. Show us for you were you were for knows. Oh, yeah. No, me, you,
I was saying me and Tina were talking about that. Oh yeah. And oh that one with the barrel. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, I did like the best on that one. I thought I did great. I think I did probably
the best. I think I think Tina did the best. Tina thinks that she was the headliner.
Did the worst. Yeah. Tina thought she did really bad. I remember she was sad. She said that I did
amazing. So she said that you did better than normal. She said you did better than normal or
you did amazing. She said she said I agree. So did she say amazing or did she say great? I don't
remember. Hmm. This is a long time. Also. Yeah, it's like I wish you got more shows. Huh? I
were having to talk about a show that happened like two years. I only do paid shows. I'm like
so I got I had my I had people show up to see me at that show and they said I did great shout
out to Rahul. We just had a baby that he was at that show. Who? My fan. I met him at a I did that
show two brothers roundhouse and he saw me. He was accidentally there because he knew Gina Palm
from high school and then he came to see me at that whiskey barrel show because he liked my joke
about blowing up in a Sherwin Williams van. I mean, you had the best. I like that. You had
Adderall or something. You brought an actual fan. I actually had people. I have a draw.
I don't know what city we were in. Elmer, still in Illinois. We're in like Elmer Grove.
I have a draw at the small world. Yeah, I do. Who specifically goes there for you? The bikers.
The bikers who go there all the time. Not not all the time. PD says they don't go all the time.
They've been there every time I've been on it. I keep losing my draw because the guys who become
like fans of me have babies. Shout out to Adam or Bansky. Well, speaking of bikers, Hell's Angel
Chicago followed me on Instagram. My my my my my crowd is too viral. My target crowd is bikers
is motorcycle clubs. The target crowd is impotent. My target crowd is viral. You guys
want to you guys want to hear some tropical humor? Tropical. Yes. Yeah. Then go see Gina Palm tree.
Pretty good. Sharon Palm trees on my show tonight under the line. That's gonna be tropical. It should
be. I was doing another line and I was I was doing all these new jokes I had about God and the
wind started whipping and like umbrellas were getting knocked down and people were like maybe
you should stop talking about God. I was like no, I don't want to. I just kept talking about God.
It started down pouring rain and everyone had to come in in the middle of my son. Yeah, you're
getting excited. Dude. I really was. I really did fucking with God a lot. Yeah, you need to do
some kind of you need to really need some kind of demon ritual to get more in with Satan. You need
to get because God is coming for me. So I need to go to his enemy. You're gonna have to either do
some. Yeah, talk after the you're either gonna have your enemies of God. You're either gonna have
to get cleansed by a church or you're gonna have to talk to. Yeah, do some more demon rituals.
Maybe I'll talk to Sarah Holcomb. It seems like she knows how to do some kind of incantations.
You got to spend some real demon time on this. I feel like she's got a pointy hat. She wears
when she's alone at home. For sure. And I'm talking about the KKK. Oh, nice. Yeah, Sarah Holcomb
is in the KKK. White Witch should put her on the wall of ops. She's one of the first female KKK.
Well, she wanted to empower female women in every organization, including the KKK.
Shout out to all the women in the KKK. Yeah, the reasons. Yes, Queen. Yes, Queen. Yeah, we should put
a God on the wall of ops. Yeah, we can do that. We should put Satan on the wall of the wall of fame.
Yeah. Oh, and I'll draw a picture of Muhammad and put them on the wall of ops.
I really got no problem with the guy who invited me to his wedding.
His child bride. I got him a gift. I got him a coloring book and crayons for
it. I said happy wife, happy life. Oh, nice. I got him an iPad. I said, just give this to her.
She'll be busy all day. You should have got to raise her. You should have got her.
I'm going to tell you about a little movie called Cars. She's going to love it. How can you not?
How could I know about cars? How can you not love cars? I've never seen it. Only the movie.
That's good. That's good timing at sound effects, folks. No, that was great. Thanks. Did a really
good job. Come on. Was that Joe Biden? I thought it was going to be come on. Who has that?
I don't know. Come on. That's you. Maybe it was nice when we come on, man. That's what Joe Biden's
come on. I wonder if I can upload stuff into this app like when we had your voice before.
But I don't know. I haven't looked enough into it. That was never mine.
This programmable versions of this. What did you say? This programmable apps. Yeah,
I could upload whatever you wanted. I think you can on this too. Yeah, there's a lot of buttons
you probably can. I don't know. You're making me soundboard right now. Soundboard. I feel
bored. Yeah. You got anything good to say? Or are you just waiting for me to entertain you?
Well, I wanted to say that the monkey sound just now it sounded like I watched this girl win the
first Olympic medal for the Philippines, I think. I might be getting what are you about to say
something racist? No, but I was. I thought I was, but I'm like no way. She looked like like Asian
or something in the Philippines. They are Asian. A lot of people Philippines is in Asia. A lot of
people call. I'm just saying you know what I'm saying. At first I had to hold back for a second.
I'm like because she really sounded like that after she won her gold medal. Jesus Christ. Their
first gold medal. Well, then I realized it was okay to say it, but then they speak they speak to
Gowan in in the Philippines, which is like a mix of like Spanish and whatever native language
Tokugawa. That's not Japanese. It's like got some it's got some Spanish in it. That's why they're
like they're like weird. You know that they call Dylan Philippines because I feel like mixed
people because he's always filled with penis. I have a friend. I have a friend from the Philippines.
He's a comic in Iowa and his joke is I'm from the Philippines where man's best friend is delicious.
From the Philippines, he legit told me a story that when he was a kid, his stepdad killed and
cooked their dad and he was just like crying. Oh my God. And I was like were you guys like
poor and going hungry? He's like, nah, I just really wanted to eat the dog. It looked good to him.
He's like it was traumatizing. Oh, they're dog. They're dog. He did it to their dad. No, the dad
ate the stepdad. The dog. The dog. Yeah. I guess it's kind of like pigs on a farm. Shout out to
Mike and Dr. Ellis and I. They'd be a baby pig that you know my dad and his siblings would like
they would love it and then they you know they kill it. Oh, yeah. It's a hog farm. Oh yeah. The hogs.
How did that make you feel? Well, if you're used to it, you get something you probably become
known to growing up in the environment. I don't know. I think they had an affection for the dog,
though, like the hogs are probably out in the fucking style. This was like their pet. Yeah.
They have like seven dogs on my dad's farm and none of them had names. They just called them all dog.
Yeah, that's kind of cool. It's my dad's nickname. Dog. Yeah. Is he a bounty on her? Yeah. No,
he was a rugby player and they all had nicknames. Does that fade gay football?
It's actually tougher than real football. Sounds like fake gay football. Sounds like something
to do in Europe or something. Okay. That's how that's the gay. Open minded.
Oh, dude, rugby is like one of the only other sports you can get cauliflower. You're
rugby. It says something rugby. What else get your ears aren't they? I mean, don't they just wear
a helmet and wrestling or whatever and like a ear protector? Does that not work? No, I really
want to wear the helmet. He just wrote the helmet. No, you're protecting my gear. Yeah. So the guys
who get the cauliflower, it's because they're wrestling like without that on. Yeah, but like
it's wrong. Usually aren't wearing it. Well, because what they do at practice to clean the mats,
they use cauliflower. And then if you don't wear your things, you ever get red warm, then you catch
cauliflower from the vegetable. I always thought it was called ringworm because it was like you're
in a wrestling ring, but it's actually just a circle. Yeah. You ever get that shit? Yeah,
I got it once and I was worried that they didn't see it. So you still wrestled with ringworm.
Yeah, but some of these kids would bleach it off, burn it off. Just sit out. I haven't at all.
That's what you wrestled with. It was a summer tournament. We traveled for it. I have an idea
and it's it's just it's kind of just how do you give it? Why you have to be self like just sit
out. Okay. All right. Yo, I speaking of worms, a tapeworm, we should I should sneak one of
Dale's food, but I got to catch him eating because he was hides it. So I'll catch the daily
just find his hidden food. It's always around. Yeah, I see an immortal food and stash it. Yeah,
yeah. He has a little hiding places. It's kind of like the movie heavyweights. He has
his bad post opens up. I watched a bunch of games. I watched dodgeball for the first time
like a couple weeks ago. It's pretty great movie kind of sucks. I mean, there's some good moments
like a few good characters, but Vince Vaughn sucks. I mean, if you it's like his acting is terrible.
It's probably when you watch it at the age that when it came out, it was great. And when you
watch it again, you get nostalgia and it's still good. What's his name killed it though? Ben
Stiller. That's why I thought of it because he's the villain in heavyweights too. It's like a similar
character. But his character is incredible. He kills it. But that's why Vince Vaughn looks bad.
Ben Stiller is so like what's his name like white goodman or something. Yeah.
Yeah. But he's a good good man is a hilarious. He really is the good guy in that movie. He's
trying to get people in shape, you know, and then somebody told me there's a DVD cut of it where
the movie ends where they get Vince Vaughn out and then the movie just ends with the global
gym celebrating. It's like an alternate ending. They just lose, but there's some events that
would have been so much better. Vince Vaughn is just really like it. Like he bet he did a
bunch of gambling or something on them. Well, he took the money. He sold his gym and then put
all the money on his gym to win. Then they won and he bought Globo. I like the Lance Armstrong
cameo. You hate it from a betting perspective. I mean, he got great odds. It was a bad bet.
It was good odds. No, that's why it was good odds or it was good pay. It was very bad odds.
He bet a great bet. Should you be allowed to bet on your own team? That's some kind of shit.
Some kind of insider. Maybe maybe he had Lance Armstrong team to win. Right. Maybe maybe he had
Lance Armstrong with the bed in for him. Oh, there you go. So he does like Lance Armstrong
because he does. He yeah and he encourages him with Lance Armstrong walks up. I did not know
who he was. I'm pretty sure that I'm pretty sure that movie came out and then they talked about
Lance and like a few years later came out the Lance Armstrong. He was using steroids. I know
he wasn't using steroids. He was blood doping, which is where yeah they take out some of your
blood. They just exchange your blood. No, they give you extra blood. They take out some of your
blood and then they put it on ice and then when you rebuild all that blood back up, you're competing.
They give you all the extra blood. Your blood is your own blood and it's untraceable. So that's
what he was doing. Yeah, they actually faked that somebody had like a bike accident. Then they all
get on the bus and then they had a secret doctor in there giving them all extra blood. That's really
funny. So that's like a that's like a NASCAR pit stop or you get like a it's kind of like an oil
change. Dude, this that shit is nuts. No, that's awesome. Yes, honestly. That is very genius. And
then you have like because it's like long distance. So it's all that extra blood for
oxygenating your like. Yeah. Also, he also he only had one ball so that he can go faster. Yeah.
Yeah. Like it's probably that goddamn seat. Those little those little seats. Yeah. Come
dope. Dude, there's no way that the bicycle seat is good for your balls. Oh no. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Because the tiny seats. Yeah. Shout out to that guy. Shout out to tiny Lance Armstrong.
Yeah. In the movie dodgeball, it is really funny because he walks up and he's like
I'm the ethical, you know, greatest guy ever. I'm sure that they came out before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Because he was actually because he wouldn't do something like Lance wouldn't
do something like that after that. It's funny that did overshadow the can. They want. Yeah,
they wanted to they have he's like, yeah, I overcame like cancer, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah. After like Vince Walker, complain about once a small thing. And he's like,
and then I went on to win all these things. He's like, I competed with cancer. Yeah.
And one that toured to France or whatever. That was a funny part. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
But he's like, he says something to like, I hope you can live with that for the rest of your life.
It's really good. I liked when that I liked when the big sign fell on Patrick Zohouland.
Yeah. And it was the luck of the Irish game or whatever. I think it was Joe Kogel and his dad
ripped or a great move. Yeah. Yeah. I like ripped torn. I was pretty sad when I watched rookie of
the year, which I thought was a good movie. And I was a kid. I watched it back later. It's sad.
Yeah. Really? Yeah. That sucks when movies suck later. Or it's almost like if that dodge ball
you watch it so many times or the bars are all ruined for you already becomes hacky.
Yeah. Maybe it's that too. Like, yeah, maybe it's just like the jokes have been in the
society for so long. Pineapple Express is irrelevant now. It's still cool. It's still
I was recently though. The fight scene is so good. Yeah. But it's so much of the weed comedy is
or is like had had been overdone. And also like a lot of it was weed being illegal
about it and it's not. So it's just doesn't stand. But I feel that broke that ground or whatever
that's still hacked. Yeah. It was it was great back then, but it just doesn't stand the test of
you know the test of time. Me and my friend Ben Flores wrote a movie about like weed being legalized
and I think it's going to be irrelevant. It was like the idea was like a small time drug dealers
were being put out of business by like corporate corporation drug drug companies. I think we
medical marijuana kind of company. I think weed might be legalized one day, at least for medical
use. Yeah, I'm hoping well I'm worried if this is being recorded in 1999. I'm worried if that
happens and pineapple Express will become irrelevant. All right, well let's close this up on that,
folks. But do you have any plugs? Fill in pineapple Express underage railroad. What the hell is that?
Do you are you the engineer of that lead to express. Oh, I did. Oh, okay. Oh,
I speak about engineers. St. James Island, Magnus. How come goes to St. James Jackson? I'll come
sound engineers get are a lot of you called engineers. You shouldn't be able to call that
unless you're working unless you're working on a train or because the years are always working.
I'm an engineer. Do you know that? Yeah, I think you're not a software engineer. It doesn't get
done. Engineer, you're a software guy. I'm an engineer. I can hear trains and I think unless
you're physically working with you're an engine or something or aren't you the engineer of a train
if you're like driving the train. How is that an engineer? Because you're driving. You should
be called a train driver because you're using that you're running the engine. Oh, so if you're
running an engine now, but not if you're driving a car. I thought engineer or somebody like builds
an engine or like designs electrical engineers, not engineer electrical engineers, not unless it's
electricals for an engine unless he's driving an electricity engine. Yeah, unless it's a
they're making a Tesla. He's driving a battery. They're making a Tesla engine, but they're silent.
Yeah, so an engineer. I can hear trains in the distance most of my ear to the ground to the
earth. Yeah, if you feel the rumble, I'm reading a short story about some of the narcolepsy put
their ear to the tracks to listen and then a train. They fell asleep. I'm a dumb as it was fiction.
This isn't real. Just some shit that somebody else made up. No flowers for algebra. Flowers
for algebra. I like that. You've been plugged flowers for man. Oh, the the comedy bar live
show we're doing a we have a live show. Yeah, it's on September. The Ocho September 8th. Oh,
cool September 8th. That's a Sunday. Yeah, hell yeah. So nine eight and tickets are online on
comedy bar.com. Yep. September 8th. You'll see the link in the bio. I'm gonna put out some sick
promo stuff folks in Chicago. Yeah. And yeah, look out. We do a special show. It's like this and
then we'll do some other shit. Yeah, some guests and some stand up. It'll be I can tell you it's
going to be sick. It's going to be bad. It's going to be I'm going to bring our own sound equipment.
Yeah, it's gonna be the bad the baddest thing you've ever seen. Yes. And I'm thinking. Yeah, I have
ideas. 98 September 8th bad comedy. Yeah, just just think about and we promise Dylan will not kill
the bookers. Think about all right. No broke bitches better guys. Think about it this way.
Think about the dates or monopoly board. I don't know what that means, but it scares me script.
Think about the dates as a monopoly board. Okay, and you're playing and you land on 9 11, which
is chance. Okay, it says go back to your spaces. You go back three spaces. That's the day we're
doing the show 98. Go back three spaces from 9 11. Okay. How about a rest in peace wall?
Wall of well, we got wall of fame and then like rest in peace like Ike and then Crypt Daddy.
We can do that over here. But not for dad. I can just move stuff around. Yeah, we get it.
Dad people. Rest in peace. Yeah, we can put a hamtallon on there. Yeah, just like for like two
years from now. Yeah. Like a triple heart attack. Yeah, well, he's afraid of death now. That's what
his new hours about good because his mom done. Yeah. Oh, baby. Your mom alive. Yeah, me too.
Yeah, mine too. Dude, I fuck you same. Such a loser. Are you guys? Yeah, easier to live.
Yeah, I'm too fucking. All right, folks, follow me. Bad boy comedy and
so mean of us for no reason. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good way to close it off.
We have a live show September 8th, folks, a comedy bar. You'll see the link. But really get a ticket
now. This will sell out. This will sell out. I repeat. So make sure that your tickets now.
But it was packed last time and this time it's gonna be packed to the gills. It's gonna be more
packed and stacked than I'd even venture to say Adam Cosslow. It's probably gonna be over fire
capacity and probably comfortable for everyone and probably get raided by the fire department
because we're gonna set the stage on fire. And it's gonna be so hot. Yeah, it's gonna be so hot.
So we're gonna wear skin tight. Yeah, skin tight. I'm pretty sure skin. Yeah, that was skin tight.
How do you dance in those pants? Babe? How do you get down in those pants, baby?
You can start by buying me a drink. That's a line from Austin Powers by showing me. He says
Heather Graham was so hot in that movie. Oh, yeah, those are your hottest movie.
She says that's making a bold statement. All right, folks, make sure you watch
Austin Powers by who shagged me before the next episode. What do I gotta do to get shagged around
you? Yeah, to catch a, hey, we'll catch the folks.