1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,000 Hey everybody welcome to the bad comedy podcast Jason what are you doing? What are you doing over there? What do you think I'm doing? 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,840 I don't know. I'm Jason Melton welcome to the bad comedy podcast. I'm trying to start this podcast for 30 minutes 3 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,220 We've had to keep on starting and restarting it because Jason keeps standing up 4 00:00:16,220 --> 00:00:21,000 What are you talking about? If I have to get something I'll get up and get it. Stop getting things. Who cares? 5 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:25,360 What if I have to do something? Because it's not it's not good. I kind of like standing 6 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:31,480 I stand during the podcast. You want to stand during my twitch stream? 7 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:39,680 You're a stand-up guy. I love stand-up. Folks this is the bad comedy podcast. Not the comedy just doing just standing 8 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:44,840 I hate stand-up comedy. If it's your first time tuning in it's a podcast that is bad 9 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,800 We don't really know what it's about. We've been doing it for several years 10 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:54,920 We're comedians. It's funny several years of this podcast we've not prepared for one episode. No 11 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,840 Yeah 12 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,560 Our guests come on. We have no questions ready. Yeah 13 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:07,440 Well, we're like excited to do the stuff we talked about in a previous episode in front of them. Yeah, it's the best 14 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:16,000 And what was I gonna say? Oh, no, we do prepare that one question for guests. Like you're telling me all about your life 15 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,000 Yeah, there's that question 16 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,000 Who they hate yeah, those are the two standards. Who do you hate? 17 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:27,680 Tell me who do you hate? Some people are so scared to say they hate. Pussy. Yeah. Our shit. Yeah 18 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:34,680 We have a full wall of awsies. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're not getting demon timed this time. Hell no 19 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,680 You can't demon time me. Because we love you YouTube. Yeah 20 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,840 So you had you were talking about John Hickok? 21 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:50,040 I had a really good joke about him at the power our open mic yesterday. Is that right? Yeah, I was actually this is true 22 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:54,600 I was in the bathroom at the same time as him. Uh-huh, and he was peeing in the toilet 23 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,200 Oh sure explain a John Hickok is John Hickok is a tall guy who's 24 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:03,480 Makes YouTube videos with his seven feet tall bald guy with makes YouTube videos with his dad 25 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:14,200 Yeah, he looks like you could be a WWE guy probably. Yeah, if they had an anti-semitic faction 26 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:19,520 He looked like he looks like a guy they'd find in the u-haul on the way to the Capitol building 27 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,200 Yeah, like he's riding in the back of the u-haul with an AR dude 28 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,800 imagine like 29 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,960 imagined if like 30 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:33,920 Like a group of skinheads saw this guy like this is what this is the dream have you seen the movie Becky with? 31 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:38,720 No with Paul Blart as a white supremacist. No, we've talked about this 32 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,840 There's a really tall guy in it and they should have got John Hickok 33 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,280 No, I only guy that got his huge though. I think he's a pro wrestler 34 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,960 I only watch the one with the Harry Potter guy. Mm-hmm 35 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,640 And they have pretty huge guy in that one, too 36 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:56,360 That is actually reminds me a lot of Kev Kowlum, but like 37 00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,280 But like a way bigger version. I wonder who it is. I like the big guys 38 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,000 Remember we were watching the accountant and we were talking about the accountant 39 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:09,080 We're like, do you recognize that henchman from other movies? So we're like looking up the IMTBs of 40 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:15,280 Long beard. Yeah. Yeah, he's in like every he's like a henchman and everybody you guys probably know we're talking about it 41 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:21,320 It's a guy with the black long beard and he's bald and he takes him on the farm 42 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,680 He's always a henchman if you've seen like any movies 43 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,840 You've seen them. Mm-hmm. Any movie with a gun in it? Yeah 44 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:34,240 Yeah, any movie where there's a henchman? We should have him on the part. We should I mean 45 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:38,560 What does he do when he's not being a henchman? I'll write it down. Get that henchman from the accountant 46 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:40,560 Yeah 47 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:44,560 Even over zoom 48 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:51,640 The only exception we'll ever make to our non zoom policy is if it's that guy 49 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:56,360 Yeah, we'll zoom him in. Yeah, if it's like even if it's like Chappelle or Louis CK 50 00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:02,920 No, they got to come to the podcast studio if the henchman wants to come on in Chappelle you could smoke in here. Yeah 51 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,920 You know, he'll go anywhere you could smoke 52 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:12,120 We'll smoke anywhere. You can't smoke. We should have cat Williams on the podcast and I'll cancel him if you know what I mean 53 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,120 We'll have dog Williams 54 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:22,080 Dog Williams. No, my name is dog. Will you should be like dog dog Jefferson or something? Yeah 55 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:25,760 Yeah, dog dog. William is like Willie dog Willie. Mm-hmm 56 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:31,840 So another alternative to Williams Jefferson Davis two last names. What's up with that tall dude? 57 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:37,280 Yeah, famous for gun videos on YouTube and it got 40. It got 45. Yeah 58 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:42,720 And I heard him peeing and you know, he's like 8 feet 3 inches 59 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:48,720 You know, he's like 8 feet 10 feet tall. Yeah, so it like it sounded like, you know, like it was just really loud 60 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,700 Because the P was falling from really far. Oh 61 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:59,080 Yeah, it's like oh it's like I said it's like when you drop a penny off a building 62 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:07,260 You know and I said John Hickok he can he can't make love to a girl and finish on her face because it would put 63 00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:12,960 a hole in her brain Yeah 64 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:18,280 He also is really big and he wasn't in the room. So he still doesn't know this joke. He also told to him personally 65 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:22,160 He also has a fire hose the size wiener hole 66 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,440 Yeah, I 67 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:34,320 He just whipped his dick out one time. I said don't do that. But yeah his dick hole 68 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:36,760 like 69 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,760 Probably the size of a quarter 70 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:43,520 Day circumference he's got like a roll quarters in there pretty much and he's peeing out pennies 71 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,520 Yeah holes in girls brains 72 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:53,160 It doesn't even need a gun he just needs to get you to be attracted to him right and then you're dead 73 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,160 He can just drink pennies. Yeah 74 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:04,760 I want to go back to my idea you had like six months ago. Okay a gun that shoots knives. Oh, yeah, that's a cool idea 75 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:09,600 I think that idea a lot. There's a knife gun or a sword gun in Final Fantasy 76 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:13,520 Is there I think I've seen anime guys with this? Okay 77 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:19,360 Like a gun with a sword eyes, I guess you could shoot and then sword maybe we'll get no maybe we'll consult 78 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:23,200 What's the point? We'll consult Christian Royce on this. I want a gun that shoots swords 79 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:28,520 I'm legit for about a month had a crossbow in my Amazon cart 80 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:33,000 That I was just waiting to pull the trigger on and then I just is it expensive 81 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,080 It was like 80 bucks. Yeah 82 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,000 Imagine the crossbows have a huge range in price 83 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,600 Yeah, they go from like 50 bucks to like 800 because you can get 84 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:49,880 Problem is I don't understand crossbows. Well, you can get hunting ones and you can get like 85 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,960 Antique ones that are like old like old medieval looking ones 86 00:06:54,160 --> 00:07:00,480 Yeah, but you know what stopped me from buying it. Hmm is it said it would take two people to put the string on 87 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:06,960 And I really don't want to fucking enlist a friend to get my crossbow up and going and then I can't even shoot it 88 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,960 I'm just in my condo 89 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,880 That's like that's like oh I ruin my own wall 90 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:19,160 Back in the medieval times the British had the biggest had the best bows the British longbow 91 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,920 Take like several people to pull it back and they just shoot giant arrows 92 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,880 Wait a minute though. They would get special 93 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:30,040 Would there be two people pulling it back or like one person would hold the bow and the other person I think you'd be like 94 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,040 Yeah, yeah, yeah 95 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:36,040 Yeah, I just picture a bunch of guys pulling the rope back 96 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,040 Yeah, well they do have those 97 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,040 Maybe they put the bow in the ground too 98 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,040 Yeah, yeah, I remember watching this 99 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,080 They kind of mount it. Yeah, and then and then later on came like 100 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:54,040 Bow artillery, which is more crossbow style, but can we do this gun that shoots knives? Do you want to like make one? 101 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,040 Yeah 102 00:07:56,040 --> 00:08:02,040 But like or hire someone to make one. I don't know how to make one. We'll talk to the wet wizard customs guy 103 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,040 The guy who engraves our switchblade 104 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:10,040 Yeah, he's gonna make a gun that shoots. What we'll do is we'll talk to you 105 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:13,040 We'll see you John Hickok goes to for custom guns 106 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:18,040 I know John Hickok has done a couple jokes shitting on knives. Really? Yeah, he's like I'm a gun guy 107 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:23,040 Quit all this knife business. You probably don't like that. I'm a little bit like hey man. What's wrong with knives? 108 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:27,040 You're a knife specialist. Sometimes you bring a knife to a gunfight, you know, yeah 109 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:36,040 Never bring no weapons to a knife fight is what I say, you know 110 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:39,040 Yeah, never bring nothing to a 111 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:43,040 A pen is mire in the sword. Tell that to a guy with a sword in his ass 112 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,040 That sounds like a little classic street joke 113 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,040 I don't know. Yeah 114 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:54,040 I wrote a street joke for this. Oh, I should do it on the patreon though. It's dirty save it. Yeah 115 00:08:54,040 --> 00:09:02,040 Yeah, guys patreon.com slash bad comedy is where we get real insane and we already talked about our actual crazy ideas 116 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,040 our final fantasies 117 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:13,040 Yeah, Final Fantasy is way too close to ultimate solution. Yeah, it was a fantasy 118 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:17,040 But I don't get it there's like the Final Fantasy one should have been the last one 119 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:24,040 Because that was the final one. Yeah, there should be like man fantasy one fantasy to a game 120 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:28,040 That's supposed to be final shouldn't have 20 iterations. Yeah, that makes no sense. Yeah. Yeah 121 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:34,040 It's like the last of the Mohicans to it doesn't make sense. Yeah. Yeah, cuz it'll be probably gone. So 122 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,040 Well, I guess it could still be the same guy. I don't even know what a Mohican is 123 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:43,040 It sounds like a sounds like a tropical drink. It sounds like me 124 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,040 In Mexico, let me get a Mohican 125 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:51,040 I'm trying to fit in Mexico. Oh, I love mohico 126 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,040 I'm Mohican. Yeah 127 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,040 Mohican hats to go with my Mohican curly mustache 128 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,040 All those 129 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:10,040 All those drug lords down there that they call Jeff L Jeff 130 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:22,940 Jeffy for some reason for some reason they're all named Jeff every year. I like I would every cartel leader in the I went to 131 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,080 my girls 132 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,640 Graduation it was a Mexican Catholic Church ceremony and they called God El Señor 133 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:34,640 Oh, yeah, a Mexican church. This means like the man or is like the desert 134 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:42,860 It means the mister. I think it means the man likes like senior senior Mac senior Jason means like mister 135 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,480 like the mister I 136 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:49,880 Was saying it meant the him. Yeah, cuz it'd be how do you say God? 137 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,200 You know, cuz you could also be like senior. Could you please? 138 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:59,880 Let it be like I love a guy. It's like a respectful way to refer to a man. Yeah, I love a guy I 139 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,000 love I love 140 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:08,440 Adios meal or maybe they think that deals me or a man content 141 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:14,680 Maybe the deals maybe they think I'm in love with God. Maybe they think that he's a senior in high school. Oh 142 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,320 Maybe oh, maybe they think he's like senior frogs 143 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,160 You know, you know, you're a stop girl 144 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:28,520 Yeah, junior junior stop. Go loves when I call him senior go go here in your he never gets mad here in your past 145 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:33,520 Me the ranch and it's when he's working with a bunch of uh, cuz he's like a Polish 146 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:39,680 He's like a Polish guy so he's working with a bunch of like Mexican guys. Yeah 147 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:44,320 I bet they're building they're putting like in a in a they're finishing a basement or something 148 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:49,040 Yeah, cuz it's a drywall cuz junior. Well, junior was in here. He loves you near 149 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:56,640 He works with them on old cars and they try to put like like hydraulics in it and he's like no no not in my car 150 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:02,040 No hydraulics in this shit. You know, can you go pick up more screws? 151 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,240 You and your he's like fetching 152 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:12,680 Somebody made a fake account for my dad for your dad. Yeah, and it says mark and Epper 153 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,160 The second and I'm like and it has his picture 154 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,280 I'm mark never the second 155 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,480 But they're trying to be him and 156 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,280 They're messaging people 157 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,840 I'm gonna tell them what should I tell them? 158 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:31,800 I'm gonna tell them that like I have I have I have their IP 159 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:39,120 Address and I should offer them a bunch of Bitcoin. No, what's no what are some threats? I can say say 160 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,120 Hey, do you want all my Bitcoin? No 161 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,120 I want to threaten them 162 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:49,720 Like I say like that I'm gonna get there get to all their shit 163 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,720 What can I say that I have of theirs? 164 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,520 Their IP address yeah be like IP 165 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:02,840 Obtained I was on a Leslie Tanner stream the other day and 166 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:08,560 I was said I could fight everyone in the chat once I was being a villain 167 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:14,600 I was being a villain and they get mad at me and they were saying they stole my IP they had my IP 168 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,460 They're trying to say like trying to scare me. Yeah 169 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:25,780 Yeah, I wasn't able to watch when you went on because I was working on podcast stuff, but was it good 170 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,840 Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, shut out the Leslie Tanner check out 171 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:34,320 Let's eat the Tanner twitch guys the program works everybody get in the program. Yeah 172 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,080 It's called meditations 173 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,080 You tell me 174 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,040 But he does meditations. He also does meditations 175 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,320 So you kind of call it explore your inner life, right? 176 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:51,140 Like you call in you give him your problems and then yeah, it's a little bit like Frazier Crane. Yeah 177 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:57,400 It's a little bit like except he's got better hair. Yeah, it's kind of like scared straight 178 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:03,060 He gives you the truth, you know, yeah gives you the real and similar to scared straight 179 00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:09,160 Like you end up being a criminal after you hear that all the kids on that show ended up having like really it didn't 180 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,760 none of them had a very low success rate just like 181 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,800 John Tapper's show 182 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,560 rescue 183 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:21,520 Yeah, it was like one of those shows were like we're fixing people like this and then they like ten years down the line 184 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,040 They're like all these bars closed immediately. Yeah, but with bar rescue 185 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:31,320 I went to Nick's living room in Milwaukee. They had some episodes for bar rescue where they had to go rescue it 186 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:36,140 Oh, really? I went to Nick's living room Milwaukee. It had been bar rescued 187 00:14:36,140 --> 00:14:42,440 They made the whole bar look like each part of the bar was like a different person's living room like old-timey kind of 188 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,000 That was actually really cool. It's like Lincoln Lodge 189 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:50,040 No, it was it was more like it felt like an actual living room. Not like a bar 190 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,360 Mm-hmm, and it was really cool and there was no one there 191 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,840 It was like they made this place really cool and obviously they made it too 192 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:03,320 Cool for the yeah to know for the area fix it. Yeah. Yeah, it's cool, but it's not fixed 193 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:08,880 It's not what it's meant to be and like I remember there's like maybe a bar here will never work, right? 194 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:14,180 And they would fix up like sports bars like shitty sports bars. That's what they're supposed to be and yeah 195 00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:17,180 They're making like fancier. They don't gonna go there. Yeah. Yeah 196 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,840 but 197 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:25,440 I've always wanted to open this bar called purgatory and the first floor is already Coles bar 198 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,000 the 199 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:32,420 First floor is just a regular bar like a standard bar not a dive bar not a fancy bar 200 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,760 But then upstairs is like 201 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,400 Fancy it's a fancy club 202 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:44,720 Like all white and stuff and the basement is just like a reckless dive bar with metal and stuff. It's like heaven and hell. Oh 203 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,840 Sweet, it's kind of sweet, right? Yeah, there's that bar 204 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,000 That has upstairs. It's like a cocktail bar. Mm-hmm 205 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,760 over in Logan Square does it have downstairs it's a 206 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,840 All red, okay, they got ski ball in the front, okay 207 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:06,720 Okay, well, there'd be no ski ball here and then you go upstairs and it's like a tropical bar. Yeah 208 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:12,640 Okay, this would be a little bit like heaven and hell now. It's like a take on it and no purgatory though 209 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,040 Yeah, no, that's your innovation 210 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,040 Yeah, purgatory is just like 211 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:23,840 What's like a regular bar heaven is a beach. Wait, what's that phrase life is a 212 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,720 Beach, I was playing in the sand. Yeah, that's what little Wayne says 213 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,720 I don't know. Well life is a beach is like a Margaritaville type t-shirt 214 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:38,160 So shout out to little Wayne for ripping off a t-shirt you'd buy in Florida. Well, yeah, it also comes from life is a 215 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:40,320 B-word 216 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,320 Yeah, yeah 217 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:47,480 I get that part. Yeah. Yeah, but then you got to get some like genius like 218 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:52,920 Margaritaville guy to come in Jimmy Buffett be like life is a beach like I like the beach 219 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:56,140 Yeah, and Jimmy Buffett died, right? Yeah 220 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:02,820 He was eating at a buffet. I think yeah, I always take my head off on what if he got killed by a parrot 221 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,800 He died choking on parrot bones 222 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,260 I've got to tell you this my sister's wedding when they were like reading off their vows 223 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,480 there was like a neighbor like 224 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,480 Nearby because this was like 225 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,920 near the rocks 226 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,160 outside 227 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,160 in Evanston 228 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,160 near the rocks on the lake 229 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,160 She had a wedding by the rocks in Evanston 230 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,160 by a rock in Evanston 231 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,160 By the lake 232 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:39,440 Are you giving a caveman instructions? Yeah directions to get there. You just follow the rocks 233 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,560 Yeah, from Evanston you know what I'm talking about 234 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,560 Hey yo, shout out to Evanston 235 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,560 People from Evanston love Evanston 236 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:49,560 I know 237 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,560 I even have a story about Evanston now, my ex 238 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,560 Well anyway 239 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,560 There was this guy 240 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,560 So we kept hearing a 241 00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:58,560 whistling 242 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,560 Coming from next door 243 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,560 It was Jimmy Buffett? No 244 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,560 I got up from my seat while they were in the middle of the ceremony 245 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,560 because I was like I'm going to beat the shit out of whoever is doing this 246 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,560 laughing 247 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,560 And then I couldn't see anything 248 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:11,560 And then 249 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,560 It's got to be a bird 250 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,560 Well 251 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,560 Hold on, let me give me three more guesses 252 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,560 That's close 253 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,560 Probably as part of it 254 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,560 Was it a 255 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,560 Then I went back and sat down and then 256 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,560 And then it kept going 257 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,560 And then I guess my brother got up and he got a better look 258 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,560 through the fence 259 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,560 And it was a guy with a bird 260 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,560 holding a bird on his shoulder 261 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,560 Probably surrounded by hot women 262 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,560 You know when you got a bird it always attracts a bunch of hot women 263 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,560 No 264 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,560 He was just the whole time 265 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,560 That's why those guys do that 266 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,560 He's having his parrot cat call the wedding 267 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,560 the whole time 268 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,560 He was making the bird do that? 269 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,560 I'm sure he taught the parrot how to do the 270 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,560 Well I was in a 271 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,560 I was house sitting for somebody one time 272 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,560 And there, my brother and his wife 273 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,560 has a bunch of animals because she works at Animal Hospital 274 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,560 I'm not kidding 275 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,560 They have three dogs 276 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,560 Two or three cats 277 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,560 in the basement 278 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,560 Two birds, they had crows, squirrels 279 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,560 Two birds 280 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,560 They're all rescued 281 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,560 So the birds there 282 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,560 So I brought all my music equipment 283 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,560 Because back in the day I used to do a lot of home recording 284 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,560 And I'm like this is going to be sweet 285 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,560 I got this house, I'm going to do recordings all night 286 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,560 And then all night 287 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,560 The fucking bird was just chirping 288 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,560 I couldn't record anything because it was 289 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,560 Just getting bird noise in the back of every fucking 290 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,560 Every take 291 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,560 That could have been cool 292 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,560 But it was like, no it sucked 293 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,560 I think you could record 294 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,560 And then also I got drunk and then the dog peed everywhere 295 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,560 And then my brother Eric was like, that's cool what happens to me all the time 296 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,560 Because he used drinks too 297 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,560 Yeah, nice 298 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,560 Oh I wanted to let you know 299 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,560 So you know that we have at our three office chairs? 300 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,560 Yes 301 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,560 So I think we 302 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,560 I wonder how this story related to 303 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,560 The previous story 304 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,560 Well I 305 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,560 Because I was 306 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,560 I was playing off your bird thing 307 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,560 And oh my point was just that birds don't shut up 308 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,560 I don't know if he trained it 309 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,560 It just never shut up 310 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,560 I didn't know you had a point at the end 311 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,560 Not coming with your office chair 312 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,560 So I was thinking we 313 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,560 Interview someone for the third chair 314 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,560 On the podcast 315 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,560 Can we get that guy with the bird maybe? 316 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,560 Well I have like 20 people 317 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,560 Planned to come by and interview today 318 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,560 So we might have an interviewee coming through at some point 319 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,560 So just want to kind of 320 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,560 Give you a heads up on that 321 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,560 Okay so we're getting another podcast 322 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,560 Host? 323 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,560 Well we're going to see 324 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,560 We're going to interview and see if anyone's good enough 325 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,560 Why do I not been pulling my weight around here? 326 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,560 Yeah 327 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,560 Well in fairness I weigh a lot 328 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,560 Yeah 329 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,560 If I was a poet my name would be Ezra 330 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,560 Putting on the pounds 331 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,560 Yeah 332 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,560 Or 333 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,560 Your song 334 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,560 I'd be eating my taco 335 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,560 It'd be putting on the pounds 336 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,560 Eating all the 337 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:09,560 Ritz 338 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,560 Yeah that's good 339 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,560 Different types 340 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,560 Of Pizza Hut 341 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,560 I want to 342 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,560 See Sam Talent because I want to call him Ezra 343 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,560 Weighs a lot of pounds or something 344 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,560 Because he's a writer 345 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,560 He got mad at me 346 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,560 Because I go, he goes 347 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,560 I went upstairs and had a pie 348 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,560 And Mo didn't know 349 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,560 What he meant by pie 350 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,560 He's like there's pie upstairs 351 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,560 He's like pie like pizza 352 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,560 I go Mo he's an author 353 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,560 He uses a lot of fancy words 354 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,560 And then Sam got 355 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,560 He looked at me really angry 356 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,560 He goes don't be like Mac right now or something 357 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,560 You're going to hang out with that guy too much 358 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,560 I was being fine with Sam 359 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,560 Because I warned you 360 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,560 I noticed you were on your best behavior 361 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,560 You didn't really warn me 362 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,560 I go Sam doesn't want you here 363 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,560 And then you go 364 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,560 Hey Sam can I buy all your merch 365 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,560 That was the first thing you said to butter him up 366 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,560 He's already got butter on him 367 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,560 I wanted a poster 368 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,560 I feel like if I didn't warn you 369 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,560 You would have gone 370 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,560 Hey fat guy fuck you bitch 371 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,560 You would have come on like that 372 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,560 But then instead you're like 373 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,560 Hey good to see you 374 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,560 I want to get some of your merch before I go 375 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,560 You're all polite and also I'm going to buy stuff off you 376 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,560 You're giving him incentive to be your friend 377 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,560 Oh well he's gave me one 378 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,560 AKA clout chasing 379 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,560 Apple polishing 380 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,560 Butt sniffing 381 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,560 I would never butt sniff him 382 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,560 His butt looks like two butts fighting over a smaller butt 383 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,560 I was wearing a Nathan Lund shirt 384 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,560 Because I'm a Lundite 385 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,560 And I don't like Sam Talentson I care if he doesn't like me 386 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,560 Hell yeah dude 387 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,560 I love that attitude 388 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,560 I saw he made a thing on Instagram 389 00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,560 And a song 390 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,560 And it just seemed like he was stealing some HSD 391 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,560 Oh my god 392 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,560 He kind of looks like Jack Black 393 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,560 He kind of looks like 394 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,560 More like Kyle Gass 395 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,560 Sam should be in movies 396 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,560 And he should play like the nosy neighbor 397 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,560 Yeah 398 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,560 He's got them glasses 399 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,560 And his head is always kind of looking out 400 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,560 He's kind of looking around 401 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,560 He would be good at that 402 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaking of nosy neighbors 403 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,560 If you ever got one you can just flash 404 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,560 From your badge with the 405 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,560 Ostking wallet folks 406 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,560 Go like hey 407 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,560 I call it the puss king wallet 408 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,560 Because you're a big pussy 409 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,560 If you flash really fast you can just say hey FBI 410 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,560 Stop what you're doing now 411 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,560 If you flash it that fast everyone's 412 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,560 Going to know you're lying 413 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,560 That was way too fast 414 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,560 If a cop did that to me I'd be like 415 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,560 Fuck you dude 416 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,560 You're the Boston Strangler for sure 417 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,560 You got to let them look at it 418 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,560 But don't let them read it 419 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,560 I would flash it 420 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,560 But keep talking to them 421 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,560 Really intensely so they're like 422 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,560 They're distracted 423 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,560 That's probably like a magician trick 424 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,560 It's got to be in my Navy base pass 425 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,560 To switch it around 426 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,560 By the way I think you just doxed yourself 8 times 427 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,560 Flashing your ID 428 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,560 That doesn't matter 429 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,560 I just can come over 430 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,560 I 431 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,560 Docs myself 432 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,560 Today 433 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,560 But if you want to 434 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,560 Join the Ostking gang and get one of the 435 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,560 Best wallets of all time go to 436 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,560 Amazon type in 437 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,560 Ostking 438 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,560 A-U-S-K-A-N-G wallet 439 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,560 It's a smart wallet that you can 440 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,560 Connect to find my iPhone you can find it 441 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,560 And 442 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,560 It's honestly the most legit wallet 443 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,560 I've had 444 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:49,560 It's got 445 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,560 Basically the most features of any 446 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,560 Wallet you can ever get 447 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,560 And it's very small so you can use it as a front pocket 448 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,560 Wallet and you can never lose it 449 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,560 Ever 450 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,560 It's even got a little speaker on it that's loud 451 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,560 So if it's around the house like most of my stuff 452 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,560 I spend 453 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,560 You know like three quarters of my life looking for 454 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,560 Items 455 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,560 You're a big loser 456 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,560 Okay yeah thank you 457 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,560 Not nice but 458 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,560 Yeah if you're one of those types of people 459 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,560 There's a lot out there that suffer 460 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,560 From the disease of losing stuff all the time 461 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,560 This will save you half your life 462 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,560 So go to Amazon 463 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,560 Find the Ostking smart 464 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,560 Wallet and then you can use promo code bad 465 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,560 Comedy at checkout and you get a 466 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,560 Total of 45% off 467 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,560 It's only 60 bucks that brings it down to like 468 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,560 A dollar you know 469 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,560 Pretty much 470 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:41,560 Pretty good yeah and then 471 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,560 With the savings 472 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,560 You join Patreon.com slash bad comedy 473 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,560 Speaking of 474 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,560 Patreon.com slash comedy 475 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,560 I did want to call out 476 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,560 A few people whose cards are declining 477 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,560 On the Patreon so they can hear this publicly 478 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:57,560 Okay I'm going to write down my 479 00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,560 Idea for a thing to say 480 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,560 Let's call them out 481 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,560 I would call it Andy Mango 482 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,560 His card 483 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,560 Andy Mango 484 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,560 I texted him I was like what the heck 485 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,560 Dude 486 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,560 His card declined on June 26 487 00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,560 Anthony Hernandez his card 488 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,560 Declined on the 4th of July of all days 489 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,560 Mr. Eddy 490 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,560 His card declined on June 1st 491 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,560 Matt Perez what the hell we're in a band together Mr. Eddy 492 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,560 Matt Perez since March 493 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,560 Matt Perez is the other guy in our band 494 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,560 My whole band is 495 00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,560 Dude your whole band is 496 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,560 Next you're going to tell me my car is declining 497 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,560 No 498 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,560 DJ Sliderbite 499 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,560 His car has been declining since December 500 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,560 And Andrea Sham doesn't surprise me 501 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,560 Well and neither does Sliderbite 502 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,560 Sliderbite is good friends with our manager 503 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,560 As you know 504 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,560 A notoriously very broke person 505 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:51,560 And then 506 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,560 Our manager he's always 507 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,560 He's always hooking us up with 508 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,560 Gigs whenever his phone is turned on 509 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,560 He's great 510 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,560 And then met his weird friend Hector 511 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,560 Hector he had me up and he said 512 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,560 Put me on the Yeah Buddy Awesome 513 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,560 Time show 514 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,560 I'll bring a bunch of people he pulled a mac 515 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,560 And I go 516 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,560 If you show up I'll use you for this bit 517 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:15,560 Because I did Tony the Tiger again 518 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,560 Which Junior was drunk 519 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,560 And shitting on off stage 520 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,560 He's like this is not funny 521 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,560 He's hating on it 522 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,560 Then I asked somebody what they thought of the show 523 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,560 Who used to come to Yeah Buddy Awesome 524 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,560 And they were like I liked everything except Junior 525 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,560 Who said that? 526 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,560 So that show was a 527 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,560 You know I brought back an old show I used to do 528 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,560 And a bunch of people came who used to go to the old show 529 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,560 And she was like 530 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,560 I liked everything except Junior 531 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,560 Was like he was too drunk 532 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,560 He was like scaring everybody 533 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,560 Sorry Junior 534 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,560 Everybody didn't know him 535 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,560 Everybody who knew him was like hey he's cool 536 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,560 Maybe stop getting too drunk and punching 537 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,560 Egg Lords 538 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,560 Well he didn't punch nobody 539 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,560 Him and my dad were both hammered 540 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,560 I think they might have become friends 541 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,560 Everyone's like your dad's so cool 542 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,560 I'm like 543 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,560 My dad's drunk I'm scared 544 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,560 He was setting off my 545 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:13,560 Alerts like run 546 00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:15,560 Everyone's like oh this guy's 547 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,560 Fun and I'm like run 548 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,560 He's also not cool his favorite movie is Wizard of Oz 549 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,560 He loves the 550 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,560 Safety dance It used to be 551 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,560 I don't know what it is anymore 552 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:27,560 Your dad's gay right? 553 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,560 No 554 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:31,560 I would never be son of a gay man 555 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,560 If he was 556 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,560 If my dad was gay I would have disowned him 557 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,560 A long time ago 558 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,560 Chris Gayman 559 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,560 Yeah oh I had a joke 560 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:43,560 About Chris 561 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:45,560 Damon 562 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,560 My roast joke at him 563 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,560 So Chris Damon is the bald guy that had a stroke 564 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,560 Is there a stroke involved? 565 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,560 No it was about how he worked at the grocery store for 20 years 566 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:55,560 I go this guy worked at a jewel for 20 years 567 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:57,560 I just wish he would listen to women when they tell 568 00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,560 Mary on no 569 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:01,560 Also Derek Strong is back on the scene 570 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,560 Also Derek Strong is back on the scene 571 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,560 Also Derek Strong is back on the scene 572 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,560 So jewel is making a big appearance 573 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,560 Employees of jewel are making a big 574 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:11,560 I was wondering what that smell was 575 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,560 He's been in 576 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,560 His oculus 577 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,560 For about a year 578 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,560 He just came out of the oculus 579 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,560 And he works at jewel in the oculus too 580 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,560 But now he's working at jewel IRL 581 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:25,560 Yeah 582 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,560 Yeah 583 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,560 But 584 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,560 It's 585 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,560 Funny when people's cars decline 586 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,560 They say I'm poor and it's $2 587 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,560 Yeah 588 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,560 Sign up for Patreon 589 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,560 Everybody's cheap 590 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,560 It's $3.99 591 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,560 You got the $2 one if you were a guest 592 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,560 Or if you joined a long time ago 593 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,560 We're probably going to raise it 594 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,560 Because of inflation 595 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,560 Because we haven't raised it so you better join now 596 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,560 Or else 597 00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,560 It's going to be way more expensive 598 00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:59,560 And then when we have 599 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:01,560 We plan on having Stephen Hofstadter on soon 600 00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:03,560 And then we're going to have on 601 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,560 Tim Dillon as well 602 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:07,560 So 603 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,560 Get in now or else it's going to be 604 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,560 $100 a month 605 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,560 Yeah 606 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,560 But you get grandfathered into whatever you join at 607 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,560 Uh huh 608 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,560 So 609 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:21,560 What's 610 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,560 Been in the news 611 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,560 I think like 612 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,560 I think there's 613 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,560 That's the first time it's ever been quiet in the pocket 614 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,560 I think there's 615 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,560 Stuff 616 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,560 Probably not 617 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:43,560 The news is like look for things to talk about 618 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,560 That would suck 619 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,560 If prepare 620 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:49,560 Uh 621 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:51,560 NASCAR 622 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,560 Was that going on? 623 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,560 The reason why I know NASCAR is going on is because 624 00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,560 In front of the show Adam Urbanski told me 625 00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,560 I'm not looking forward to going downtown tomorrow 626 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,560 They got that NASCAR shit going on 627 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,560 That's where I get my news from people complaining about their 628 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,560 Commutes 629 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:07,560 Yeah well I did want to give a shout out 630 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,560 To some cool patrons like Adam Urbanski 631 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:11,560 And C. Tugler 632 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,560 Also Adam Urbanski did my ants 633 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,560 Got rid of my ants 634 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:17,560 Like your mom's sister 635 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,560 I used to put poison everywhere 636 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,560 Around my condo 637 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,560 Oh okay 638 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,560 Not even on your ants 639 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,560 My aunts 640 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:29,560 My aunt Linda, Laura, Nana 641 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,560 Uh Rosie 642 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,560 Oh I know Rosie 643 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,560 Shout out to Rosie 644 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:37,560 She'll take the whole page one and two 645 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,560 Yeah you know Rosie page one 646 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:41,560 Page two you know Uno, Rosie 647 00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,560 Whenever I play people are like ooh I love Uno 648 00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:45,560 I always think oh yeah so does my aunts 649 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,560 My aunt Rosie 650 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,560 Hey folks and if you don't know 651 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,560 Who aunt Rosie is maybe listen back 652 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,560 On the other episodes 653 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,560 And the Patreon 654 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,560 Sign up for the Patreon if you want to know who aunt Rosie is 655 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,560 My real aunt 656 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,560 We should have aunt Rosie on the podcast 657 00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,560 Yeah 658 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,560 That'd be good 659 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,560 Oh happy 660 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:15,560 Sin dependence day everyone 661 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,560 Like 662 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:19,560 Anybody who's actually a patriot 663 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:21,560 Or celebrating 664 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,560 Like the good trend 665 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,560 To say that America's good and stuff 666 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,560 It's sin dependence day 667 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:29,560 America has never done anything good 668 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:31,560 All they've done is transphobia 669 00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:33,560 And xenophobia 670 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:35,560 You know like 671 00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:37,560 This country's 672 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,560 Never done anything good is all they've done 673 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,560 Yeah 674 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,560 Except for like 675 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:45,560 Vending the cars and electricity 676 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,560 And like tv 677 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,560 Nazis? Everything 678 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,560 No I guess we invented everything 679 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,560 White people? No America pretty much 680 00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,560 America? Yeah 681 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,560 Shout out to America 682 00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:59,560 Yeah I was joking happy independence day guys 683 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,560 Shout out to the philosopher 684 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,560 William James the great American 685 00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:05,560 Philosopher Who's that? 686 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:07,560 He 687 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,560 He's a philosopher 688 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:11,560 What was his theory? 689 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,560 Is it like a 690 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,560 White spermacid one? 691 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,560 No he was just an American 692 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,560 Philosopher William James 693 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,560 Cause you know all the philosophers are from like 694 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,560 Ancient Greece and like 695 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:25,560 Germany and England 696 00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:27,560 Are there any from 697 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:29,560 Oh no 698 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,560 Oh you mean like a philosopher 699 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,560 There's some from England too like 700 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,560 The utilitarianism guy 701 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,560 Jeremy Bentham 702 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:39,560 And John Stuart Mill 703 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:41,560 And of course 704 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,560 The guy life liberty and property 705 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:45,560 John Locke 706 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,560 Okay what about Jordan Peterson? 707 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:49,560 Shout out to 708 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,560 He's Canadian 709 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,560 And is he a philosopher? 710 00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:55,560 I think he's technically a psychologist 711 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,560 Yeah but also kind of a philosopher 712 00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:59,560 I mean yeah I guess he's more famous for his 713 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:01,560 Harris? 714 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,560 Sam Harris I think he's American 715 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:05,560 Well I was going to say Chris Higgins 716 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,560 But I think he's British 717 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,560 Those are like the modern ones 718 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,560 Not Chris Higgins 719 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:13,560 What's his name? 720 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,560 Do you know what I'm talking about? 721 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,560 Hitchens 722 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,560 Wait 723 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,560 No Chris Higgins is right 724 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,560 No Chris Higgins is a comedian 725 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,560 Hitchens 726 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:27,560 Do you know who I'm talking about? 727 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,560 There was 728 00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:31,560 Sam Harris 729 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:33,560 They're all British except Sam Harris 730 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,560 I think 731 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:37,560 Hitchens 732 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:39,560 And they wrote all these books about atheism 733 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:41,560 There was like a 734 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:43,560 This guy 735 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:45,560 But Jordan Peterson is the religious side of it 736 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,560 There's a documentary where the guy Ben Stein 737 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,560 He debates this other guy 738 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:51,560 Oh Ben Stein 739 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,560 He's an actor 740 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:55,560 He's an actor 741 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:57,560 He had a game show and he's a famous conservative 742 00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,560 He's been in a bunch of movies 743 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,560 He's like a small 744 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,560 I feel like he always plays himself 745 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,560 He plays like a teacher 746 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,560 Ben Stein 747 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:09,560 And he had a show called Win Ben Stein's Money 748 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,560 That he used to watch on Comedy Central 749 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,560 Do you ever watch that show? 750 00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,560 No 751 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,560 He's like okay I'm a boring Ben Stein 752 00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,560 He was always like that 753 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,560 Win Ben Stein's Money 754 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,560 Who else? 755 00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,560 Justin Golak is a modern sophist 756 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,560 I'm trying to remember the guy 757 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:29,560 Who's a fucking 758 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:31,560 This is a good sophist 759 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,560 Justin Golak is a sophist 760 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,560 I've talked to him about that 761 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,560 Fuck 762 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,560 I can't remember these guys names 763 00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:41,560 But there's a bunch of guys who were like 764 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,560 Do you remember when everyone used to talk about atheism on YouTube? 765 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,560 No 766 00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:47,560 And then there was all these debates between 767 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,560 Christian debates, atheist 768 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,560 I hate hardcore atheists 769 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,560 And I hate hardcore Christians 770 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,560 There's a reason why everyone hates them 771 00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,560 Is because there was a time on the internet 772 00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,560 Where that was like a very popular thing 773 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,560 It's now 774 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,560 It's a parody of itself now 775 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,560 Everyone kind of like 776 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:07,560 Became self aware that this is 777 00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:09,560 Really gay 778 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,560 Neither of you know 779 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,560 The Christians have been the same 780 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:15,560 They're still the same 781 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,560 They're like the same the whole time 782 00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:19,560 Kirk Cameron was involved in this 783 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,560 Do you know the actor Kirk Cameron? 784 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,560 Probably by face 785 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,560 From all of the movies 786 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,560 No, but I think he's from the 787 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,560 Left Behind series 788 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,560 My left foot 789 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,560 I know my left foot 790 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,560 God takes you to heaven except for your left foot 791 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,560 It gets left behind 792 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,560 What it is? 793 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,560 The Left Behind series is like 794 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,560 God's going to come and take everyone 795 00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,560 To heaven except the people who are not 796 00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:49,560 Cool 797 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,560 And then so you might all of a sudden 798 00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:53,560 Like you're sitting here talking to me 799 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,560 Mac and then all of a sudden it's just my clothes 800 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,560 On the chair 801 00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,560 And I'm in heaven 802 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,560 Similar, this is called Left Behind 803 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,560 It's like a book series and then they made a 804 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:05,560 Movie or show about it, it's a Christian 805 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,560 It's Christian content, bro 806 00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,560 But that's the same thing as the Left Overs 807 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,560 I think so 808 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,560 I never watched the Left Overs 809 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,560 But Left Behind is the original 810 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,560 What about Left Forward? 811 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,560 My favorite was 812 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,560 Kevin Sorbo had one called 813 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:23,560 God is not dead 814 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,560 A famous play 815 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:27,560 Off Nietzsche 816 00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:29,560 God is not dead 817 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,560 Or Kevin Sorbo Hercules 818 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,560 Is there a buzz? 819 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,560 No 820 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,560 That heard a buzz 821 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:39,560 I don't know 822 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,560 I think some of our people are showing up to audition 823 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,560 Yeah maybe 824 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:45,560 Lining up downstairs 825 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:47,560 Whatever, fuck them 826 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,560 I'm going to be real Simon Cowell today 827 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,560 Do you have the accent for it? 828 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,560 Are you gay? 829 00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,560 That was absolutely 830 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,560 Dreadful 831 00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:03,560 Spot of tea? 832 00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,560 Is he Australian or British? 833 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,560 He's British 834 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,560 That's going to be a no for me dog 835 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,560 I like the black guy 836 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,560 Randy 837 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,560 Jennifer Lopez 838 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,560 Used to judge American Idol 839 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,560 Me and my girl have been delving into JLo 840 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,560 Recently 841 00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:25,560 Do you know that she came out with a 842 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,560 Music video movie and a documentary 843 00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:29,560 Recently that she paid for herself 844 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,560 And everyone's been hating her 845 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,560 Everyone's not interested in JLo 846 00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,560 Right now and she tried to get everyone 847 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,560 Interested in her and everyone's been rejecting her 848 00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:41,560 She's like look at me and everyone's like 849 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,560 Fuck you bitch 850 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:45,560 So there's lots of stuff like media 851 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,560 Trashing her 852 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,560 I watched her music video 853 00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,560 It's called This Is Me Now 854 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:53,560 Or something like that 855 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:55,560 Does she shake her booty? 856 00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,560 I don't remember, probably 857 00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,560 She's married to Ben Affleck, he's in it 858 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:01,560 They're separated right now 859 00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,560 He's the accountant, his password is 860 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,560 Charles Babbage 861 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,560 Charles Babbage 862 00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:11,560 He goes 863 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,560 It's between Bull and Babbage 864 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,560 Remember? 865 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,560 He chooses Babbage, he's like obviously Babbage 866 00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,560 Obviously the coolest 867 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,560 I couldn't tell if it was because Babbage is the cooler 868 00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:23,560 One or because it's alphabetical 869 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,560 Like Babbage is before Bull 870 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,560 He's such a stickler for stuff 871 00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,560 He has to go alphabetically 872 00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:31,560 That's my favorite part of that movie is when they say Charles Babbage 873 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:37,560 How about when they reveal the lady he's been talking to the whole time is the droll and retard from the home 874 00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:43,560 Spoiler alert 875 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:45,560 That's a huge spoiler alert 876 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,560 They're like why does she have such a nice computer? 877 00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,560 We're the Babbage Patch Kids 878 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,560 We love Charles Babbage 879 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,560 Shout out to Babbage 880 00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:59,560 He invented the computer, look him up 881 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:01,560 He's had a great career 882 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,560 So yeah 883 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:05,560 It's a really cool computer 884 00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:07,560 I've had a lot of fun 885 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,560 It's a really cool computer 886 00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:11,560 It's a really cool computer 887 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:13,560 I have an interesting 888 00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:15,560 What's that? 889 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,560 Is that tea that you brought? 890 00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:19,560 Yeah I got some tea right here 891 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,560 Interesting 892 00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,560 Is it good? 893 00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,560 That was fun to slam shit 894 00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:27,560 I want to slam shit more 895 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:31,220 in there. Oh nice. I've done this before it's pretty easy to fix you just take the 896 00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:38,140 filter out and you pour the tea through the filter. Oh nice. So but this filter 897 00:40:38,140 --> 00:40:42,200 has lasted you forever and it's super easy to fix. I've had it like a year or some shit yeah. And that 898 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:45,160 only happens when you slam it down on stuff otherwise. Oh yeah I'm slamming it. 899 00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:50,880 Otherwise it's very stable. No it's completely unstable. I'm not gonna defend it. 900 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:55,160 You saw what I did everybody I'm an idiot. I was like this is fun and then I 901 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:59,560 broke it. But this is a cool steeper club. You put the tea in the little filter and 902 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:04,960 you put it in the fridge overnight you get a pint a quart two quarters. Probably like five gallons. 903 00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:09,120 Probably like five gallons of tea right here. And it's just made for you and you know what I've been 904 00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:14,960 doing is I had to get another pitcher and I put a cup of sugar in it and I make a sweet tea for my 905 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:20,360 girl. My girl likes sweet tea. She's got a sweet tooth. Yeah sweet tea is good. Yeah so I've been doing 906 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:28,320 cool steeper sweet tea is my idea. That's what I drink when I drink sweet tea when I'm sitting on my rocking chair. 907 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:35,920 Outside a cracker barrel yeah. Playing big checkers. Looking at the tractors on my plantation. 908 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:44,800 Yeah looking at all the tractors at my cracker barrel. I'll take another cornbread. I kind of want to buy a tractor. 909 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:51,600 I kind of want to buy cornbread. I could go for a cornbread too. Legit I had a cornbread. I make a fire ass cornbread. 910 00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:55,680 I had some at that party but like no one ate it. I ate a bunch of your mac and cheese. They had those 911 00:41:55,680 --> 00:42:03,280 Nurah's recipe. I made it sort of she mixed it. We made it together but it's her recipe. I like mac and 912 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:10,080 bees. It's when I'm walking around with a bunch of bees. Yeah I guess when you're a you know when you're a 913 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:17,040 Crip you don't say be what you don't say bees when you're a Crip. I don't know what that yeah like instead 914 00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:22,200 of having a bitch you have a sitch that's like a Crip thing. They don't want the way they talk. They don't say 915 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:28,520 the letter B because of blood. They hate blood. Yeah they say you're a Custer instead of a buster. What if your 916 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:38,080 name you never heard about this. No. What if your name's Stan. That's fine. There's no be. What is Bobby. 917 00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:45,120 Yeah they call you Cobb. I don't know what they do for the second B but if you got if they call bitches 918 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:52,880 sitches. So they call Bob Keene. You know there's a Vince Staples. They call him Cobb Keene. I didn't give I never give a 919 00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:59,680 fuck about a sitch. If I ever gave a fuck about a sitch I'd always be broke. Wait. That's Vince Staples. 920 00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:06,320 You should say Sroak. Yeah he should say croak. I'd always be croak. Croak yeah. Yeah so you put the C 921 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:15,920 instead of the B. So they're called Bob Keene Cobb Keene. Yeah Cobb Keene. That's actually where I got that. Cobb Keene. 922 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:25,200 But yeah Custer. You're a Custer. I like General Custer. He's cool. He's all he's all like fancy. I got to show you this 923 00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:30,640 Crip Mac video then you'd understand everything. Yeah I don't get it too much into the western gang life. 924 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:38,160 I'm all about the Chicago gang life. Yeah the Jacksonville shit is crazy. They just killed the 925 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:47,200 Fulio the Fulio guy. I think his name is like Fulio Julio or something. Well if he's his name is fool. 926 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:52,160 That's the one that honestly from all the YouTube being I've watched that's the gang culture that 927 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:56,880 scares me the most. Which one? The Jacksonville guys. Why? Like they kill each other do rap songs 928 00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:01,200 about the same day. Oh yeah you show me that. They just kill each other constantly. What about MS-13? 929 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:05,760 Those yeah actually never mind those are the scary ones. Those are the scariest ones to me. I was 930 00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:10,080 saying that to Nura. She's like there's black gangs in LA too because we've been talking about it because 931 00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:16,960 all the Kendrick Lamar shit. I go yeah the black gangs are scary for sure but the MS-13 are like 932 00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:24,240 torturing people. Yeah on the west coast I'm more scared of Hispanic gangs. Just because the cartel 933 00:44:24,240 --> 00:44:30,880 shit. Yeah yeah well all of it there's pipelines of that stuff and then that bankrolls the gangs and 934 00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:36,320 then I mean that's just the closest place. I mean I don't know shit I'm sure all these guys would kill 935 00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:44,640 me. I'm scared no matter what yeah of a guy with a gun. Yeah I mean any like border. But the one in 936 00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:51,440 front of the gun was forever. Yeah that's true yeah. Kendrick Lamar lyric. Uh-huh he's really good. Who but he's a poet. 937 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:59,520 Yeah real Ezra Pound. Ezra doesn't weigh a lot of pounds. Yeah he's very skinny. He's short. Uh-huh he's a little man. That's my distor 938 00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:04,400 Kendrick. Come at me Kendrick. Yeah what are you gonna do Kendrick? If he eviscerated me for that. 939 00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:10,320 If he did this one against you. Jason is a fucking pedophile. He's a pedophile certified pedophile. 940 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,800 He's a fat pedophile. Yeah pedophile. 941 00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:21,040 Wow. How come he doesn't get demon timed? Yeah what the yeah what the hell. 942 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:28,800 I thought Kendrick was coming after me. Yeah cut off our electricity. I think Kendrick's demon 943 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:33,680 timing us. I think he's reporting us. Did you see the krump dancing in the new music video? Well I know 944 00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:37,840 krump dancing. For the fourth of July. I'm trying to get. Kendrick Lamar came out with a music video 945 00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:42,720 for his diss on Drake. Oh really? Yes the song of the summer. Do you know this song is elevated 946 00:45:42,720 --> 00:45:47,920 past the beef? I know. It's the song of the summer. I know song. It's like that song happy by Pharrell. 947 00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:55,920 Oh the song song song of the south sweet potato pie and I shut my mouth. It's like it's like that 948 00:45:55,920 --> 00:46:02,080 song man down by uh Rihanna. This is the best part of it gone gone with the wind. You don't know 949 00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:07,600 anything about songs of the summer. Ain't nobody coming back again. I don't mean to ruin I don't mean to come down on you this 950 00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:12,400 hard but I feel like you don't know shit about the song of the summer. I know song itself. Yeah. That's 951 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:20,640 what I was singing. So you would. I know I do remember there's this one song of the summer that I remember. 952 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:28,080 It was uh I forgot what it was. Blurred lines. Was that one? I think one might have been uh I 953 00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:35,760 took a pill in Ibiza. Show of each year I was cool. When I finally got sober felt 10 years old. 954 00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:44,560 I don't know that one. Uh Mike Mike Poser. Poser. Um Pilsner. Mike Pilsner. That was my favorite kind of beer 955 00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:50,240 when I used to drink. Mike Pilsner. I'll take a Pilsner. I'll take a Mike Pilsner. Yeah. Let me have a Pilsner. 956 00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:58,800 Can I get the Pils? Yeah. You know uh. Oh yeah cool steeper club.com and you get uh 25% off with the promo bad 957 00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:06,640 comedy. Yeah. Or if you want some tea for the summer. You get 50% off or 20% off. It's I I've been doing it for 958 00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:11,520 like a year. I like it. I got all types of tea. You guys think about you get 20% off every time. 959 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:15,760 Think about the compound interest. Yeah just go check out the website cool steeper club.com and you 960 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:23,760 decide for yourself. It's basically free. Yeah. Um and also sponsored by Lobo Den Podcast. 961 00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:34,960 Yes. How much time? Of course he's of course he's like uh. We gotta be his like two hours right? No we're 47 minutes. 962 00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:42,480 What the fuck is going on? I don't know. I'm so tired today. I don't know why. You don't know why? No. You've been 963 00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:48,000 partying too you've been working too hard. We also been playing hard. I have been I have been working 964 00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:54,240 hard and I got I got pretty drunk last night but nothing insane. What'd you do last night? 965 00:47:54,240 --> 00:48:00,000 Got uh had some people over. Oh yeah you did invite me. Yeah I did. That's why I told Paul. Oh wait that 966 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:04,720 is. I haven't seen. Wait that's two nights ago. Yeah. What the heck? You invite yeah I was gonna say that 967 00:48:04,720 --> 00:48:08,400 two nights ago you invited me. I appreciate the invite. Yesterday was a. Me and Nura stayed in. I actually 968 00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:13,200 put out a picture of us sitting there looking like shit. I don't know if you saw that. My fourth of July 969 00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:19,600 pictures. It's like me and Nura and she's in Urbana and I'm like my hair is all scraggly. Yesterday was 970 00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:26,640 just a blur. I don't even know what I did. Probably hung over from the fourth maybe. I don't yeah I 971 00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:33,440 I think I did. I worked on the deck. You do any fireworks? They did a bunch of fireworks like next door. 972 00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:39,440 I went on the road one time with Sam Talent and we went to uh Wisconsin. We bought a bunch of fireworks 973 00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:44,480 when we were in Indiana and then we're in Wisconsin. We tried to light one off and it was a big rocket. 974 00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:51,440 We didn't have a tube so they just put it in the ground like in the dirt was soft and then they 975 00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:58,480 lit it and then the fire shot but it was stuck in the ground and then just exploded at like head level. 976 00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:05,120 My brother. We all hit behind the car and it shot sparks all over us. My brother my brother was 977 00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:13,360 telling me that his friend his friend got injured in a terrible fire. Oh yeah my my uh my my brother's 978 00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:21,280 wife's brother. I don't know what you call that. My sister-in-law's brother uh got hit with a 979 00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:25,360 mortar and lost hearing and shit. He got hit in the back with it like blew up by his head. I think 980 00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:30,160 that's your cousin-in-law once removed or something. Yeah that's close. When they come to the once 981 00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:35,680 removed stuff I'm just like oh no this is this guy has no blood relation to me. I think he's my he's 982 00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:43,920 removed. He's my half brother's wife's half brother. So you're probably just as related to him as you 983 00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:52,080 are to like Charlemagne. Yeah Charlemagne to God. Yeah. Shout out to Leland he's a cool guy. I have 984 00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:58,320 Charlemagne and uh. I don't even smoke where's my ash. I was looking at my 23 and B's. Yeah. And uh 985 00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:03,280 that the ash is an ashtray in the kitchen. I sure I'll grab it because oh wait look look down there. 986 00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:10,400 Oh no. Hold on um I want to grab. If I gave a fuck about a seach I'd always be broke. 987 00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:18,320 Um I want to grab a. I want to stand for a little bit. Hold on. I'm kind of into this. Like a new 988 00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:30,400 thing trying out for the pod. Here you go. Here you go. All right. No no no no. All right. I like 989 00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:34,720 to be an off camera. I think it makes it more interesting like people are like what's going on. 990 00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:38,640 You know. Yeah. People have not been watching for a little bit. They zoned out all of a sudden. 991 00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:43,760 They're like where's what's Jason doing. Yeah he's standing up. He's why is he standing and spilling 992 00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:48,400 drink all over the ground. Uh huh. Well I'll grab the ashtray because I want to grab it on crustal 993 00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:55,520 wool. Okay. Get a napkin maybe. Yeah and let's get a single napkin. Get that much of coffee. 994 00:50:55,520 --> 00:51:01,360 I used to work at a goddamn place uh school and the school it had to brown paper towel to clean 995 00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:06,720 up. You ever fuck around with the elementary school brown paper towel. Those don't do anything. 996 00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:13,680 I'm trying to think about what you could actually use them for. Like if you needed to smear 997 00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:20,800 paint around maybe like to paint something like because it doesn't absorb it's not absorb it. 998 00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:29,120 You might as well be taking like a like a roofing tile and trying to like wipe up a spill. 999 00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:34,080 And here's the other thing about it. I was working with kindergarten through third so they spilled 1000 00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:39,360 their milk cartons on the ground every single day. So I would have to do that. I would have to work 1001 00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:45,280 with that brown paper towel every day and what you end up doing is you just take half the roll 1002 00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:54,000 out every time. You just know it's like no no. But you learn when you're cleaning up a spill 1003 00:51:54,000 --> 00:52:01,040 basically uh you just use five times as much as you would of any other paper towel. The reasons 1004 00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:05,520 the reason is so cheap is because they're acting like they're giving you a lot but every time you 1005 00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:17,760 use it you have to use five times as much. Yeah I need that ashtray and also for my own home I 1006 00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:22,080 need a cash tray because I have so much cash. I'm gonna keep it on a tray. 1007 00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:30,320 All right what else I got something else written down here. Well this is for the Patreon so you 1008 00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:39,200 guys won't get to learn that unless you sign up. And uh do we mention that John Hickok comes on 1009 00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:43,200 a girl's face it's like dropping a penny off a building under her. Yeah yeah it's like shoot 1010 00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:48,560 yeah shooting it yeah so it is dangerous. Yeah very dangerous. So we can't do it. Shout out to all the 1011 00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:57,840 women who have died. Are my sunglasses on my head? No. I feel like I'm in a different world right now. 1012 00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:02,880 That's a cool show with black people. You ever watch that? The what? A different world. No. 1013 00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:09,280 It's like a sitcom black people black women in college. Okay and maybe they're living in the 1014 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:14,160 house. I always mix up a different world and the college one. There's like one where they're in a 1015 00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:21,200 house and one where they're in college and some of the same actors. Full house uh college. No it's all 1016 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:28,320 black women. Oh um. One of the shows has Sinbad on it. Sister Sister. Young Sinbad that's my man. 1017 00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:31,840 See why is he called Sinbad? Because I'm pretty sure Sinbad was like a pirate. Because you're 1018 00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:39,440 pretty sure sinning is good? No Sinbad was like a cool pirate. Yeah true. Like a like a Mediterranean 1019 00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:45,840 pirate. Sinbad's just a name like Michael. That's not. I know more Sinbad's than Michael's. 1020 00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:55,120 That's not true. Michael King Jr. probably one of the most famous. The original Michaels. Yeah one 1021 00:53:55,120 --> 00:54:00,560 of the most famous civil rights people. Is it Michael the Archangel or some shit like that? 1022 00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:09,360 Saint Michael. He's the Archangel. He's the patron saint of something. Who's a patron saint of good 1023 00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:19,280 and pussy? Um Dionysus. Dionysus? Yeah. Isn't that that uh. Whoa. Do you think he's a philosopher guy? No 1024 00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:25,760 Dionysus was the god of partying and. Oh the god. Pleasure and sex. I'm thinking of who's the guy who 1025 00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:34,640 like is like some people bury their dead and some people eat their dead. So there's no morality. 1026 00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:42,080 Therefore there's no morality. I hear they are. You don't know that guy? Um no like what era is he from? 1027 00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:48,880 Diogenes. Have you ever heard of Diogenes? Diabetes? He was the original troll. You'd love this guy. 1028 00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:54,400 He basically he like um. I think you told me about him once but tell me again. He was like a sophist 1029 00:54:54,400 --> 00:55:00,240 kind of he was the original troll and he would piss people off like and I think even the way he 1030 00:55:00,240 --> 00:55:05,600 like died he did some shit where he's like they put he made them put up like a statue of him in a 1031 00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:11,120 place where it was like really disrespectful to the religion there or something like he just like 1032 00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:16,320 hated like the rules. That's pretty cool. And he was like a contrarian and a dickhead to everybody. 1033 00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:26,080 Nice. Yeah. Um we should look yeah. Diogenes is yeah is basically the the god like the inspiration 1034 00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:36,240 for this more or less. Yeah for being a dickhead to people. For good comedy. Um folks um if any any 1035 00:55:36,240 --> 00:55:41,920 aspiring podcasters out there uh current podcasters if you ever want to eat and podcast at the same 1036 00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:47,840 time if you eat uncrustables it's almost unnoticeable. It's uncrustable. Because it's 1037 00:55:47,840 --> 00:55:52,480 there's no crunch so it's like if someone's listening to the podcast somebody know you're 1038 00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:57,040 eating an uncrustable. I've actually been working on putting on a crust on an uncrustable for years. 1039 00:55:57,040 --> 00:56:00,400 Oh really? And I'm about to give up I think it might be uncrustable. 1040 00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:13,520 You think I could do that on stage? 1041 00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:17,760 It's really good. 1042 00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:27,040 That's a 10 second five second clip. 1043 00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:34,160 All right I'm just going in the act. Sometimes it's just too good. 1044 00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:43,680 How'd you do it? Uh I couldn't. What were you trying to do? I was about to give up. I've been 1045 00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:47,040 trying to put a crust on it for years. So you're just putting crust you're just cutting crust off 1046 00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:57,440 from normal bread? Yeah. Maybe you could prank someone who loves uncrustables just put crusts on. 1047 00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:03,040 Oh I put crust on all your uncrustables. I'm an asshole. I'm like I'm torturing them. 1048 00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:08,800 It's like now getting somebody's backpack when you turn inside out and put all the books back in. 1049 00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:11,040 I thought they were uncrustable. 1050 00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:21,600 Um I'm getting more serious about my stand up a little bit. I'm trying to you know I've been 1051 00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:28,800 complaining to my girlfriend a lot about how I'm a failure lately and she's like you're not a failure 1052 00:57:28,800 --> 00:57:37,600 baby. I go bitch you don't know. I am. I get real serious. I go what do you know? You're not on my 1053 00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:41,760 Facebook seeing all my friends getting more successful than me. Wait so this is a new thing 1054 00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:46,160 you complaining about? No same old thing. I'm just no longer letting her reassure me 1055 00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:52,560 like she's been trying to do in the past. Okay gotcha. So you're coming to terms of being a 1056 00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:57,040 failure trying to do something about it? Not coming to terms. Or you're gonna you're gonna 1057 00:57:57,040 --> 00:58:02,880 make sure you're not a failure. I'm gonna try a little harder. Nice. Not really but I always try 1058 00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:10,320 hard but I think I'm gonna I was inspired by Sam's act. I'm gonna try and get my stand up act better 1059 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:20,000 or at least finished. Can we cut that out? I forget what I was gonna say. 1060 00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:27,360 I want Sam Talent to publicly acknowledge that he likes me. He did he put a picture of you on his 1061 00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:33,760 Instagram. Did he put it in his story? Yeah he put it in his story. Oh he did? Well I think he put like 1062 00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:38,080 it's time for all Lundites to die and it was a picture of you wearing the Lund shirt. That's 1063 00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:44,640 fine. But it was like you know it was a loving hate. What do you call it? Love hate. He didn't repost. 1064 00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:49,360 You guys are frenemies. He really doesn't want Ham Talent to get out I don't think. Yeah he doesn't 1065 00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:55,760 want to know. Look I did his story. He said he's a good boomerang of him but it said it said Ham 1066 00:58:55,760 --> 00:59:02,640 Talent in it and it uh and they shared that on Hubble Juggle I saw. Yeah he and Sherrick said 1067 00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:08,240 and I had like three little piggy things on it. I don't think he wants to feel going Ham Talent. 1068 00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:14,400 He told me uh uh I said I like your new stuff. He goes yeah I've been working on a more serious 1069 00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:18,880 act. I don't want to be known as the Toad Guy because you know his last special it's called 1070 00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:23,440 like the Toad's Morale and the in the special the Toad is his penis. It's like he's talking about 1071 00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:30,880 his penis for half the special. Calling it a Toad. And then I said would that be great. I can't wait 1072 00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:37,360 for the reviews of your next special. The Toad Guy gets serious. Like they still call him the Toad Guy. 1073 00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:41,360 He's kind of telling me a similar thing when we were outside between shows um 1074 00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:50,000 and and before his because he did way better second one um and I was like you do the same 1075 00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:56,880 oh the same jokes and stuff and he was like yeah cool. Nice dude. There's a lot more of the 1076 00:59:56,880 --> 01:00:01,680 conversation. Like some of that stuff a little bit. Well I just wanted to say that joke I had. 1077 01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:07,040 I think the Toad gets serious. I think he was he said that was the point of my story. He's saying 1078 01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:12,320 your story didn't have a point. No he was kind of talking about he's trying to have a more 1079 01:00:12,320 --> 01:00:19,680 structured act and less just less depending on crowd work. Yeah he should work on a more structured 1080 01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:27,680 diet. Yeah he's too much crust that's the problem. Yeah put down the crust buddy. 1081 01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:32,560 You've had enough. You've had enough dinner. You could probably. 1082 01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:41,920 Shout out to Dale. He's had enough dinner for several lifetimes. How come all our successful 1083 01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:46,480 friends are fat as fuck. Actually Sam looked like he lost a little weight. Am I wrong? 1084 01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:51,680 Oh yeah you're wrong. Kind of made me worry. Okay good. Made me worried. I don't want him to like 1085 01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:57,360 come down. He needs to stay bigger than me. Well no. It's the only thing I have on him. No no no. 1086 01:00:57,360 --> 01:01:01,680 I think you're getting I think you're bigger than him. I'm bigger than Sam? And he stayed the same 1087 01:01:01,680 --> 01:01:07,200 yeah. Well he's taller than me isn't he? Yeah. I don't know. You think I'm fatter than Sam? 1088 01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:14,080 You think I weigh more? I think you're fatter. Just fatter? Yeah. I don't know that. I don't 1089 01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:19,200 believe you. Yeah so he stayed the exact same. Let's do a poll. But you went from less. Okay we'll 1090 01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:24,800 do a poll. He stayed the same but I went up. Okay well. Is that what you're saying? Yeah so just like 1091 01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:29,040 how I never actually make the polls that Sam's gonna make. Yeah. You should make this poll and 1092 01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:36,560 make the same. Yeah I'll make it just like you do. I'll make it. I'll get right on it. Guys 1093 01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:43,200 comment if you want more polls. Yeah if you watch this episode go ahead on to Patreon or go ahead on 1094 01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:47,440 the YouTube and comment. Yeah. What you think? Oh actually I want to start saying on the free episodes 1095 01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:54,880 to like hit the like button and subscribe to the channel. Do you think it helps us? Do you think I'm 1096 01:01:54,880 --> 01:02:00,720 fatter in my... No. I don't talk to somebody more objective than you. I guess I can't trust you at 1097 01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:06,320 all. Why? Because you would lie to hurt me. Well right right. I mean that's like you. Right right. 1098 01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:12,480 Right now you're wearing black to hide it. I'm wearing black to hide your fatness. I'm 1099 01:02:12,480 --> 01:02:19,920 wearing a dinner roll shirt. I'm not hiding my fatness right now. I don't know. I'm celebrating 1100 01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:24,800 dinner rolls. I don't know. The next episode we'll do we'll do no shirts and we'll kind of 1101 01:02:26,240 --> 01:02:30,560 look how to do it. I'll do a no shirt episode. I don't give a fuck. I've done it before. Yeah 1102 01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:38,560 that used to be a segment we would do on uh we did hit do an episode of uh RoboCop 2 with a girl 1103 01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:43,920 when we did shirts off time and she took off her shirt too because she was a psycho. Shout out to 1104 01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:51,520 it was uh I'll tell you later. I don't need to bring up old shit. Where are the interviewees? 1105 01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:59,840 Then she went live on Facebook. We were all basically naked doing a podcast. 1106 01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:07,840 Like she went just bra or she went full? Full. Full frontal? Yeah. Geez. It was crazy. That's 1107 01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:16,240 awesome. Yeah. That show was fun. Every episode our guests would ask us to cut a bunch of stuff. 1108 01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:25,280 Really? Yeah. I think most of our guests know that we don't cut anything out. The worst thing 1109 01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:30,880 we ever did I tell you the story is we gave a girl a interview and we gave her a borderline 1110 01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:38,000 personality test that we found online and it was like 10 questions or 15 questions and she answered 1111 01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:44,880 yes to every single question and then she goes what does that mean and we go anyway our next segment 1112 01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:52,800 oh I do want to do it basically diagnosed her like she had no idea it was brutal. It was so 1113 01:03:52,800 --> 01:04:00,480 painful but it was like real art. Are there online IQ tests? I think so. That like I took a RU black 1114 01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:07,840 test and it turns out I'm 58 percent. Really? Oddly. I've I got 100 doing that one. Yeah right. 1115 01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:12,960 There's a bunch of black people in the comments like oh hell no I got a 50 percent. 1116 01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:20,560 Yeah those are like those like like BuzzFeed ones right? Yeah it was that kind of shit. 1117 01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:24,720 The kind of shit where you got to close four pop-ups in order to like actually take the test. 1118 01:04:24,720 --> 01:04:33,280 Let's uh let's go see if the interviews are waiting outside because yeah I don't know 1119 01:04:34,720 --> 01:04:40,320 there could be a line forming for sure and you guys remember joining the AusKang gang back 1120 01:04:40,320 --> 01:04:47,920 at the AusKang wallet AUSKANG type in an Amazon and promo code in Amazon we have an Amazon promo 1121 01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:55,600 code guys. We have money for this? What? Sorry. Yeah. Do I get some of the money? Yeah we get some money. 1122 01:04:55,600 --> 01:05:02,000 Okay. So so they so you get 45 percent off the promo code bad comedy in Amazon we know Jeff 1123 01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:08,240 Benzos okay. We're good friends with Jeff Benzos. So type in Jeff Benzos that's my dealer. It's 1124 01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:11,920 called the smart wallet plus the best wallet. That's my dealer's name in my phone. 1125 01:05:11,920 --> 01:05:19,920 It's literally the best wallet I've ever gotten. Cool steeper club.com promo code bad comedy as well. 1126 01:05:19,920 --> 01:05:26,080 It's promo code bad comedy everywhere. Go to patreon.com promo code bad comedy. Should we put 1127 01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:34,800 a promo code on our patreon? Go to promo code.com. Go to promo code.com slash bad comedy. Guys 1128 01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:41,680 patreon.com slash bad comedy it's 399 a month. That's I guess sent a week pretty much. Nothing. 1129 01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:48,640 It's literally nothing and thank you so much for listening. This is a very exciting episode and then 1130 01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:53,920 we're gonna have some interviews coming up. Those will be on patreon probably because we can't let 1131 01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:59,840 you guys see that because that's got some behind the scenes stuff and then maybe we will add some 1132 01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:07,600 of the podcast. Maybe we won't. We'll do a poll. Eddie do you have any final thoughts? 1133 01:06:09,920 --> 01:06:13,760 Actually we're just kind of pausing. We'll see you guys. No no we're gonna end this episode. It's 1134 01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:18,480 an hour. Let's just end this. The next episode is on patreon. Jason Melton comedy.com. Jason Melton 1135 01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:27,120 twitch. Cool Jason Melton on social media. Follow me at badboyofcomedy on all platforms and then 1136 01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:35,520 go see Willie Nelson on September 7th and then catch our live show on September 8th. Yeah and 1137 01:06:35,520 --> 01:06:41,120 then go see oh September 8th we have a date. I believe so. We should be advertising that. Well 1138 01:06:41,120 --> 01:06:47,040 it's early. It's still. Yeah. It can't hurt. Well it was in the email that you were changing. I 1139 01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:52,480 didn't read it yet. From like a week ago. I remember the email. You have pretty quick response time to 1140 01:06:52,480 --> 01:07:01,760 stuff. We go to that. I was busy. We're gonna start promoting more and we love you guys.