the
your jason can you grab the gun
love guns
love the gun
hey everybody welcome to bad comedy podcast the number one alt right podcast
in chicago because we're the alternative to the right we're left wing folks
my name is uh...
macchissor alias number one stoic in the nation
and i'm here of course with uh... talk about it big lizard
uh... big lizard chuck babbage the provider i've been to the three d
computer and then of course we have dylan internet number one influencer
number one influencer a young consumer pills
all people at home excited
consumer max or
well
oh yes a lot of hands
well
you know uh... speaking of hands uh... a lot of hands if anybody uh... wants to
talk shit
about me
throw them hands
yeah okay
that's what's up to some memory very well that's a little worse mister hands
yeah if anybody gets mad about us talking ship
uh... behind the paywall uh... but we're not talking shit behind your back
we're talking shit in front of your back you can
see if you get talk shit behind your back you'll never know what they said
probably
if we do that for us
we talk shit in front of your back you pay four dollars you can hear everything
we say all you gotta do is pay money i've been working on it
about
uh... i mean to hands
hand-fed
i have a boba-fed
i'm addicted to boba-fed
yeah it makes me my wiener
oh my gosh
you know how they did like a baby Yoda
yeah
it's like a young version of that really old green guy
you should do like a hot boba-fed
and job of the hut
they should do a skinny job of the hut
well the problem with
yeah that's good but the problem with the boba-fed one is he wears like just
the armor
alright what about a armorless
what about a hot hug you just do the opposite
wait have we done hot Yoda?
hot Yoda
how about Luke? job of the hut
job of the hut
how about Luke ground runner
oh yes i like that
so is job of the hut a big worm or what kind of animal is it?
job of the hut?
it's kind of uh...
what is a hut?
when i said job of the hut how excited about pizza?
how hungry did you get for pizza?
i was just picturing Peyton Ruddy and
i started smelling the pizza
Stephanie Roberts
picturing Peyton Ruddy in the green room
and Stephanie Roberts and dating
oh pizza there's love
has remembered
the boy awful being joke we talked about
yo
pizza the hut is from spaceballs you ever see spaceballs?
love spaceballs
that's why i brought up the pizza hut thing
i love pizza is my favorite pizza as we established last episode
with Professor Pizza
apparently Professor Pizza he can make pizza hut
he said
that's why he's the king
it's all connected folks you underestimate us
that's why he's Professor Pizza Hut
and we have Professor Pizza
and we have Macnepper comedian and Blake Michigan the egg lord
he's Professor Pizza i'm Professor Eating Pizza
i studied eating pizza hot yeah
i have an eating pizza i mean i studied all kinds but i've majored in i
specialize in pizza i had a run in zany's with uh steven haas
oh yeah i saw i was like oh hey i steven by the way just wanted to apologize
about those clips that i tagged you in where you had you and adam ad is having
sex in the zany's bathroom he's like it's fine dude it's it's a dom it's whatever
yeah i mean you know he's not going to say like yeah i mean what a fucking
cuck yeah he just like accept are we done the free episode
yeah shit it's okay i mean he was very super nice
no i mean i shit that i think i'm saying bad words no i would say this anyway
but like he just accepted he wasn't even mad i just don't understand his negativity
he'd have to be a loser and steven haas he just lets us walk all over him
it's like uh stand up for yourself steven it's like don't you know that we
matter steven fight fight back against us dude
or respect us or cancel us or hit the god's sake or he's ban us
steven steven haas maybe uh hit the like button every once in a while
i tag i tag you i'm trying to make you famous by saying you have sex with adam
ad is kind of don't need our help you're gonna get a lot on your own so maybe
help us out yeah we're trying to talk about you
the gay community probably loves you because they love adam and steve and
you and adam adis are the main adam and steve is the foundation of our bit
about them yeah even i was kind of has a vibe like
american psychos little brother or something you ever see american psycho
i've seen american taiko that's how you spell rc
okay that was a pretty commercial commercial girl yeah yeah
do you remember those uh did you remember one of those big metal tanka trucks as a
kid yeah dude i had all i had some you could like and your little brother's
life with one of those yeah man for so heavy i almost ended my little brother's
life with the rubber band gun one time i was just i was doing like a hostage
situation with him and i accidentally fired it and like he was
choking on the rubber band and you fired him you forgave me i don't
think you remember your good shot i have a worse one nose bullseye i was inside
his mouth already yeah i was i was the oldest while i was holding him i was the
oldest brother so did you just watch the bud Dwyer clip i watched
something i just soaked it up and
poor jackson was yeah you watched the bud Dwyer clip on basis of death and then
you put a rubber band gun in your little brother's mouth and then you hate your
sister in the head of the baseball but yeah which is much more dangerous
um jason how many uh brothers do you have at five are you the youngest non the
middle okay did the oldest one did he kind of run the show
my older brothers are all like 10 years old than me they were kind of like uncles
okay who so who's the oldest of your i was the oldest of the second generation
like so alpha like so it was like generations so who
who was the person who uh let the other kids play the PlayStation or not
um it was kind of between us that was because that was me
you were like the uh arbitra yeah i was like kind of like uh the uh the judge
jury and executioner right because technically i got the PlayStation for
christmas what is supposed to be kind of for all of us but it was in my pile
in your name and in my name legally so basically
i was like uh yeah you can play uh but after i'm done playing for a couple
years i probably i did that shit to them
probably a lot but we would do this awful thing to each other where we
had a split a playstation or whatever and then i'd be like well
technically a third of its mind so i'm going to take the power cable and then
no one could play wow you know it was like a power cable a tv cable and then
the like device so you're like that's my third of it is the yeah it's the one
cable yeah and then the same issue with the
bps as a shit to each other there's one game and then one of us would end up
headbutting the other one yeah the one game boy thing was a real issue
yeah we had to get our own because we tried to have multiple save files but
then we'd actually overwrite someone's pile after they were like already
i like to leave for and then they don't deserve it anyway well that's yeah if
my little brother overwrote my shit this is capitalism
that the benefit of having brothers though is you could get one of them to
get the other pokemon yeah so you could have like red and they would get like
well they would both try to one they would both try to work then you can
trade communism they would both try to get my favor because i was the you know
i was like the leader of the dictator or whatever and um
you still kind of feed off that today you're like you were like a you were like
a god and they would bring you offerings exactly saying today multiple
times that he's a god
i've been saying that on the bottle okay i mean it's not a god complex i'm just
god it's not that complex pretty simple really
yeah and then god simple yeah and herpes simple well i mean whenever i go to
heaven you know what they say at the gate
access granted nice so we're working on our sound board today
yep the ipad is real thank you uh what is it steve apple now
steve apple yeah yeah team apple was ahead of us
when i go to hell i go access grant and then i become the leader of a
yeah become the leader of a demon army to wage war
and it's god i just want to say anyone that's ever made fun of me or
whatever just i can't wait for you to have to answer the lucifer
yeah yeah good luck he's the uh the boss the boss one start but
is is is lucifer the main one or is he his son
uh little nicky is the brother no but i think i'm sam lords i think lucifer is
the son of satan it's i've actually are they are they
want to say this is the son of god i think it's the same because there's a
weird yeah because they have a weird trinity with that no is there an evil
is there an evil trinity i'll tell you what man i think i think it's
saying i think it's not clear it's not clear i think lucifer is like a lucifer
is a fallen angel yes lucifer but lucifer might be the
devil or maybe maybe satan was already chilling down there
unholy spirit me uh oh what okay what i say satan's oldest brother he was
already just hanging out down there yeah maybe they're brother and then and then
lucifer fell down he was like stop my dude i'm a little nicky is like my
brother hit me into hell with the shovel yeah yeah it's like me with that's
like yeah the huck it's like me dumping it like
killing someone with the talk of trouble yeah so if i was able i'd be so mad
folks uh so i was we're working on stoicism i was kind of born pretty
stoic but i got i got to keep uh you know keep the
trivia stoic because i can in these modern times uh being macchisraelius
only goes so far because i'm more the old timey stoic and i got to catch up with
them modern times and dylan here he's uh working on so stoic working on the
pillars of stoicism love the pillars he can't get past the pillars for some
reason i'm just kind of a pillar myself i think you might just stick in the
pillars yeah i'm kind of the he's addicted to pillars pillar i'm into the pillars
we watched this video his handshake when he does have enough pillars
yeah jason we watched this video before you came
and uh yeah we have to kind of talk about this was a bologna or man no we had to
have a conversation yeah i don't know if we uh i don't know if we can be around
you anymore because it says seven types of people to avoid
it uh if you're if you're if you want to be stoic and
i'll kind of run through i'm a i'm a i'm a epikiri and he didn't know of course
so uh the complaint the complainer okay yep um uh that's uh the naysayer i'm
neither a nay nor a nay or i feel completely neutral about you guys that's
naysaying now is it yeah it's not about i'm neither nor you're just a naysayer
about every i'm not a naysayer and i'm not not a naysayer so that's you're not
very stoic of you yeah i you could just admit it and they'd be stoic of you
no it's we kind of know stoicism i don't feel
nay or yet well maybe you're naysayer about a lot of things but
you should feel i'm a naysayer about um uh you seem to capitulate into whatever
you guys are talking about yeah that's that's being a naysay yeah it's saying
saying the word capitulating is not stoic it it's manipulation which is
another the manipulator yeah he's a manipulator
you guys are ho wick um hold on uh the victim the victim you guys are the
victim you have sex for small amounts of money you're always the victim you're
ho wicks well and it's not you know maybe to you it's small
yeah the victim you're like i should be so famous
but it's just because i'm i'm fed i'm not fair look i never said that i should
be famous i don't think i'm better than everyone else i just think everyone
else is worse just think and you think the famous i think everyone's bad i
don't think i'm good um i think that that's very that's the
that's a complainer i think i'm not complaining about it it is what it is
and uh oh well the last one is uh toxic positivist and you're not that we were
very we don't think that you have a risk for that i'm an epicurean hedonist
what is that you know i just i i chase whatever feels good yeah whatever's
gonna be ever heard of hedonism yeah hedonism hedonism too
epicure came up with hedonism my dude now i'm talking about the resort where you
know sex and but it sounds like kind of place i would thrive oh yeah how about
this yes uh getting that greened ism oh yeah i'm paper
chased the veteran of course i take a great t-shirt paper chase
better question boys a lot of these people couldn't draw money with a
green crayon nice i got i got a question boys i got a question it doesn't take that
much um uh ranger gas i'm in money mode
yeah and i would just like to know jason you money money hell yeah dude
you money and money mode money mode engaged staying in money mode baby
checking oh wait does that mean we know i'll tell you what i'm not stoic about
money no that's the totally different ball game
yeah this is money ball now money is dude money money is the motive fuck with
the money you get ugly as coyote ugly yeah that's what grandpa always told me
yeah yeah these people are not like and dude i'm too icy
and my mama my mama always told me i was crazy my host say i'm amazing but i'll
listen to a lady i'm crazy too but the bitch say i'm hot and i said no
bitch i'm blazing the fuck do you expect i'm a mother
fucking cajun hell yeah dude it's gonna get crazy it's a lot let's get
it started let's get our word again let's get it let's get it started
wicked yeah let's get it started uh-huh so we kind of
practice stoicism more yeah today at least so if you guys want to live a
life you guys have a good life you guys have his stoerectomies
oh well i don't know why you're trying to manipulate us and gas light us right
now yeah yeah you're okay would you rather have his
stoerectomies a uterus or stoicism naysayer stoic you can have one of the
other manipulator and they say right right now he's being
um he's not being toxic positivity that's no yeah he's never been there
no it's still one takes off his head it reminds me of my big toe okay so i do
lose 15 years or so i'm a big toic that was yeah nice i'm a toe now he's got a
toe head i mean that's my car got towed that's just me i can't even get fingered
when you got like hair like me bald guys are always telling you enjoy it while it
lasts uh-huh i don't know i don't know how to do that
what do i do this i touch my hair oh i'm enjoying no you don't wear a hat which
actually makes your hair fall out fast people say that to me and i had to keep
all my long hair out of my eyes oh no it's pretty easy for you yeah people say
have that people say to me it's very hot enjoy your hair while you have it and i
said okay winter camp okay forever you know i'm like okay cool forever i'll
enjoy my hair forever thank you i was walking around a lot today in my six
layers i was trying to get some white clothes yeah what are you trying to do
you taking you uh it's trying to uh it's trying to sweat it out sweat out the
ball yeah what is this sweat some new pores in there and maybe hope
what is the plant some seeds in the garden this is the layer which project
get a little layer you know layer which project if i don't be me and i could
say layer bitch project i want to refrain because i'm stoic i'm not gonna
don't be toxic yeah well that's what i think about mac is a layer
bitch project if you were just used it on you if you wear a lot of pants is you
could be a layer britches he's still he's still learning he's
learning stoicism i'll let it slide i mean it doesn't matter
yeah um nice mac oh i'm an arborist now i walked in the
trees i cut down trees i thought you like you you're a tree you're an arp like a
racist an arborist he hates trees my culture i was
raised by trees he was cutting down trees made me watch today he said
look how cool i am and he was reaching his long
reachy thing with the blade i mean it was pretty cool to cut down little
twigs not even branch okay well you should see and what makes
it i got some big ones at won't he's trying to get rid of the cod remember the
cod was insulting you remember all that yeah yeah so it makes our black
friends uncomfortable to come over yeah and it's still like it but fall from
the trees did you just cut that down i want them to instead of the the section
eight people next door do they know that they're being racist
what we should use that yeah i think he's being tree is
i'm i'm gonna say that's the chicago government because that tree
it starts on their property and i'm gonna say you guys you guys are being
racist to your own public housing residents by
making it poor cotton yeah branch of government do i need to
but the problem is the tenants are like horticans so i can't you can't use that
card they can say the n word they can do anything yeah but yeah port of
rica i can use a cotton card port of rica's are the more versatile hispanic
yeah i need to speak up a lot more you probably understand you look like one
dill that i understand according to hand he was like skinny joe
thank you skinny fat skinny skinny i keep trying to get
dail to not die and help me take him from the rocks and help me patrol
humble park to make sure the port of rica's aren't up to no good and he
never comes no what is he scared of port of rica's or never
comes who is he my wife nice he's either
he's either scared of port of rica's are not scared of dying whoa
is that i think probably both oh wait no neither no i mean how scared can you
be if you're not scared of death yeah you're not that scared
you just you be not afraid of death but afraid of life
pain yeah oh day afraid of life so that's a that's kind of a fine a lot of
people aren't afraid of death they're afraid of life yeah yeah
this is slam poetry now yeah that's kind of a sanding sometimes you run away by
standing still
i uh i'll stand up if i didn't think i was sitting down i saw that i heard that i
watched yesterday i heard that i saw on black twitter i heard last
night there was some brian croachery going on over it uh the legions dive
into brian go over over at the legions kink
i'd never knew brian i was so delusional and i said brian
no i'm not going how delusional is he it's kind of a
really delusional it sounds like i did this joke i said uh
what's brian's what's a brian row is that the opposite of a murderers row
you stink nice he's a god murder i added the you stink part because i didn't
think the punch line would i would it
oh i have a special offer to listeners uh this is only to patrons um if you
i'm having a birthday party on june third that most of you guys aren't invited
to if you're listening to this uh but advertising it now it's up to the public
talking about june three to the public this is the real three third well every
every june therene third party three well every day in june is june
teenth but june three if you um listen up this is for our out of town fans
um i'll fly you in for my party um you just
you just got to send me the money for the flight and i'll pay for it yeah so if
you just go in venmo and there's gonna be a fee yeah it's probably easier just to
buy yourself that's some ball or shit that you're doing
well well they just got to send me the money to pay for the flight yeah that's
some ball or shit i had a time yeah you're like p diddy yeah it is going to be
a lot of money you are the p diddy of chicago comedy
yeah well bad boy bad boy entertainment yeah so you're gonna have an indoor and
you're in an outdoor and uh only people will be allowed
indoors if you really like them right you see this recent p diddy tape i like
to oil myself up that lady yeah wait what time for a new it seems like it's
time for another name change dude when it rains it pours a lot dude he's
been getting rekt he's in trouble he had a good run really
good run down the hallway under the towel
catch his wife before you get escaped he had a verse and
mo money mo problems yeah and i'll be missing you that's all he did
is those two things so that was a good way to just capitalize on his friend's
death i like that he just made bank off that song
yeah the sting yeah yeah yeah and they sample
sting yeah it's brutal well no it's a good song he's only
just talked over other totally completed songs already
and that song doesn't change them that song made me sad well exactly well you
were already sad just reminded you of the reason you were sad it didn't do
yeah but what year did he get shot i don't know i probably wasn't even like
uh my brain probably wasn't making memories oh yeah true you were making
90 but i listened to a decent amount of
95 97 or something yeah before i heard that song i listened to a lot more
biggie so i'd kind of p diddy says who gives a
shit if you ask him what year yeah cares for a like whatever i picture p diddy
where his mouth isn't hanging up
it's amazing it doesn't give a call lose your mouth uh huh
you slack jawed guy jay jay z kind of has like a beak
isn't it yeah he's got a weird he's like a beak
he kind of looks like a yeah he looks like a yeah sesame street care
like big bird sounds like you would big jay z you'd have sex with guys
for power what would you say he would have women come over and get plowed by
yeah like male sex workers just to be the one that coordinated it well he would
also well he that's pretty sick mac would have sex with a man for a power
well that's p diddy and it's not me while we were saying you were the p diddy
i'm a i'm too late night show appearance is away from doing that myself
no i seriously hit me on cone hey guys all jokes aside
bad boy of comedy is not affiliated with bad boy records and i know a lot of you
guys have been trying to look up my comedy and it keeps getting
spammed all this p diddy stuff you know but um it's at bad boy comedy okay i'm
not it's different it's not funny what he's doing i prefer the west coast i
wear death row records things i think shook knight is a good man
free shug yeah free shug free larry hoover no but no but bad boy yeah he's
been a little a bad little boy yeah but folks up those women i'm not a big
fan of p diddy and p diddy yeah why don't you come at me i'm like the loaded
baby oh nice so that's kind of the same joke of a threat that
kind of got you know i feel like hacko what's he thinking about this p diddy
stuff he would love to be one hacko uh yeah what happened to that guy
hacko i said why didn't you go to zany's yesterday you probably knew i was going
to be there uh-oh nice whoa so that is just symbolic
yeah what happened i guess i thought uh do you remember those two guys maybe he
didn't go because he knows the truth of the roast battle sucks
you remember those two guys that dylan uh he's hanging out with that
daily comedy for a bit uh tony mac and jason tony garsey
tony baby oh tony tony tony garse my guess was mac and tony garsey yeah
that works tony garsey that works at zany's yeah shout out to tony garsey
i saw him and he was like he's always cool he was like he was like i just called
zacko that's because i was like i don't give a
fuck and then i pointed to a picture of vik pandia that was on the wall zany's
and i was like i was like uh yo he's a cool fact put my picture there instead
he was like dude yeah i was like i just got to get it go put a suit on i was
looking for you just signed his photo even no i like the idea when you said
you were going to take zacko's picture down at laugh factor and put yours in
a jett over it or something i was like that would be hilarious yeah yeah
and they can't really do anything about it it'd be up there for like an hour i
wish i had a car so i could drive around and do these antics
but that's the only thing stopping you transportation god damn
yeah i don't want to buy all these ubers and i also don't want to take the
poverty bus i don't you take the poverty bus yeah fuck that so you're
even a level below the poverty bus you're not even
willing to take it well i just want i just won't go
if the poverty bus is involved which is like the ultimate poverty
yeah yeah it's like a museum of poor people that everyone can see from the
street yeah it's like a traveling museum i was like that at the stop light
just like appearing into the bus from my car and being like oh
these these the comics gross it's kind of like
it's kind of like these guys are suffering this to go stand up and do
four minutes of bad comedy they've already tried and didn't bad
we're looking to the poverty yeah looking to the poverty bus is like looking
into a garbage can yeah a mobile garbage can look at the
stuff people are throwing away yeah it's like the ghosts of christmas brian
roe's future in comedy oh man but i do hope brian roe gets
famous i could see him as being like a ryan c crust kind of guy
like reading cue cards on a tv show no introducing god people with talent he's
too awkward he's such a tool he's a perfect at the same at the same time what
is ryan c chris known for like his talent
right he just he just cares mad at him good looking that's why he
yeah well but all but he has catchphrases but i feel like brian roe
could do that for a youtube channel who's that one guy that's kind of a nerd
and he does kind of what ryan c chris does chris hard chris hardwick that guy
has a standard back too oh does he use the stand comedian well i was gonna i was
gonna say that's the thing you don't know that he's kind of he's he's a little
more awkward yeah he's he invented all that
nerd culture yeah so he's the nerdest that was his transition from he came out
that nerdest thing that was like all the comedy shit for a while i hate him i don't
the beginning of old comedy i don't like him
it's hard i like uh i like all comedy used to be just when you talk about how
you know who different comic book characters are yeah like hey you guys
know bad man i do the alternative to comedy i do
tragedy that's pretty good yeah i'm a tragedy and
hey man if we if we they say you know laughing beats crying
this is a thing we're crying a tragedy we could be we could be crying but we're
laughing tragedy plus time was comedy let's skip the time let's do this now
it's tragedy there's yeah there's a song called tragedy plus time by rise
against pretty good song what about tragedy plus space time equals sci-fi
oh dude speaking of that a creator speaking of me
i'm surprised you think about dude my dude my spotify my spotify had pissed me
up today i was listening to some good history podcast
some british on spotify some british quips that sounds and uh some good
british quips by tom holland dominick the other guy
okay dominick sandburn and uh sandbrook and um okay they put on
actually okay once they put on they shuffled to rogan and the hardcore
history guy hold the gun oh dan and and i was in the heart i was like okay good
job yeah everybody i'm dan carlin and i was
i mean that one i was like okay i'll listen to this one good good idea
algorithm and today i was doing some yard work and then
it flipped from some tom holland to joe rogan
this guy talking about how uh life is a
simulation and talking about some schroder's cat and some like
yeah science bullshit like choting jurors yes and i was like choting jurors
penis i was like is it wide or long
yeah and i said this is i said this is your lives on that it's not why it's not
it's not a wide flat penis until you open the box yeah dude joe did your schrode
and i'm i'm i'm my su spotify for making me listen to five minutes of this guy
talking about quantum physics who joe rogan no the other guy
and this guy talks like five minutes and like stuff that nobody can understand
and joe rogan was like what oh what that's what i like about joe rogan he'll
say i'm such a moron you guys yeah easily i'm
fucking rich i'm a dumb ass compared to these guys i could
never understand it that's also it's also dan carlin always says i'm not a
historian so he it's kind of qualifier oh yeah so he doesn't
so you can say well i said i'm not a historian so yeah but he he really is
at every class i took in high school history class now
because it's a long time ago yeah that's true long time because you don't have to
have like a masters in history technically to be a historian yeah
but but you are more of one if you um
i took my historian stoke in high school you know i was trying to learn about
women herstory yeah um there's a it's a much quicker class i was in
jenny school documented we learned uh non-binary
nursery yeah i can't i would love to take a
gen z computer class today yeah it's non-binary nice
it's very easy you don't there's nothing to do nice
respect the binary code dylan the uh we had some
some great uh we had one really good stoic comparison one of these
like you people in their times it's the last one oh it's okay
like people i got a whole carton thank god you have that other carton
like people's brains like they think too much and it's like there's too much
going on it's like uh it's like yeah i'm on the limit list drug so i know
exactly what you mean yeah so there's way too much i'm
overwhelmed way too much going on the stress it's it's like the newest ios on
an apple but what you need to do is you need to train your brain to go back to
windows 95 that's right with that cool background
so peaceful the green and the song like that blue sky take it yeah just you need
to go back to windows seven dude uh is that before the
item back in to that no windows seven is like in mid two thousands i'm more of a
man i'm gonna be i this mac nipper that's my good
no thanks dude you got it back for president hell yeah
i'm sorry i'm going to turn to jason i'm sorry for uh saying the all those
things things about the stoicism yeah about that how you're we can't hang out
with you because those is one compliment and i already got you
sucking on my balls fuck manipulate later dammit right dude i'm also a radical
optimist he gives me one for it
dude he's even that he's the optimist think he's the he's uh toxically
positive everything's gonna work out for everybody
fuck i'm having a meltdown i'm having a jason so stoic i'm a human no no he's
the opposite of stoic he's everything we can't be around
we have to temper you guys are blow it time with you
can you blow it you're blowing in my dick okay well when we think of a comeback we're
going to tell you wait wait yeah oh i mean i mean i'm not sure why you'd
say that but okay tees is home you guys are best you're just
you're you're just the ick oh my god i fuck you guys are putting the ick and
stoic yeah no just when he says something
oh i'll be stoic you guys are uh chode dicks and no you're so wait hold on
you guys are you guys aren't stoic i got it chode dicks hey don't i got okay you
sound like don't watch don't watch i sound i sound like him because i was i'm
a pig jason don't watch all these chode you know this is the uh response so so
jason um chode dick jason jason what so why
why do you think that we'd be a chode dick is do you guys practice chode dick
ism no stoicism oh this is another pronunciation depending on
what culture you're from well from where
he's not so i can hold yeah so he's just lying
i call it chode dick ism it's okay if you want to live your life as a lie
um there's a related physics thought experiment called
chode dick ingers box yeah why don't you show us a example a your you put a
chode in a somebody's box i'm willing to bet the other chode
yeah we're gonna make you show how do asian people say
say sounds good in slaying they say to bet
said bet bet yeah to bet
thank you is that that's stoic purpose yeah it looked like you were turning off
the screensaver but then you hit a gong and it was just perfectly timely
i did on purpose that was sick yeah i know
stoic so i mean jason you don't got to be such an asair
i remember bro you look you're to be so anything about stoicism it looks like
was a stoic it looks like you you were in the play season
let's like give a bit yeah we're still in your tummy was marcus or alias yeah
still yeah he was he was like the main guy
he wasn't the main guy but he kind of like put it together
i think that was the main guy democrat is or something i think it was the
original guy cock cock a peanut yeah cock a peanut jason got my phone now
there there were a lot of them sure was not jason there were several there was
an original guy wasn't and then marcus of raleas and his memoirs kind of put
them all together a little bit
um memoirs you know you ever watched that interview of tarant
uh that actor from like empire tarant's uh howard
oh you're talking about uh not from empire tarant's howard
yeah yeah you just watched stuff like you're talking about fake fake ed towns
he does this interview where he's like i'm thinking about getting out of acting
i've been studying like the pathagran um pathagre as
he says this like really deranged uh like illuminati shit in a like red carpet
interview you've never seen that all right no well he talks about how he's like
been studying pathagre pathagre like ideas about like
like mystic it was like very crazy shit yeah actually i do i do have something
kind of on that um well speaking of tarant howard my parents lived on howard
for a little bit on howard street zeno i love but zeno of cydeam cypress
cydeam well with cypress now modern days i have been
cypress hell working on getting in the illuminati they don't call me back
i'm drinking a lot of baby blood uh for no reason apparently i'm drinking it
like it's blood i want my baby blood baby blood baby i started drinking
this baby blood rear baby plasma it's not really doing anything heavy monetize
baby plasma is far more expensive adrino chrome
i used to do i need to i used to be a big girl the baby plasma have you guys
ever done it i don't know any plasma in college for money hold on
chillies baby blood ribs nice it's with adrino chrome
yeah i was trying to say it with the dino chrome it's gotta be the side of barbie
you love fat bastard would love that
baby blood i want baby plasma it's not that much to ask
chillies baby you actually look like you you look like fat
hey enough i'm trying to compliment you it's one
it's one thing to call me a fat bastard but don't call me scottish
yeah it's one thing to say i hate to fucking say i look just like that
but don't don't imply that i'm from that country i'm sorry man
you don't wear a dress you know about or yeah i don't have bad music and bad
culture and bad red hair yeah bad food what is with them
yeah they eat the heat sheeps it is that like a sheeps ass see it haggis yeah
sheeps agus they're like uh they raise sheep just to eat their ass
nothing that they have is was hot scottish cheese that describes their
thighs of those dresses yeah what about scottish cheese what why is size why the
hell is swiss cheese have holes in it that's a god damn good question yeah
they should have called they should have called the movie whole swiss swiss
cheese yeah do you think it's um blessed by god it's holy
yeah maybe i don't maybe you got shot up maybe it's from the hood it's a white
boy from the hood yeah yeah so a guy uber driver his car got shot
up because of some woman got in and said drive away he's about to shoot
up there oh my bang bang and then he's all like what was that
he just shot him that's why i don't drive yeah did he did he get a there are
a lot of sexual assaults and ubers a lot of uh class sexual assault
yeah i've been thinking about you know sexing salts on a praying for khalil
i guess i guess uh poppers is gay sexing salts so you guess yeah you guess
why sexting sexing oh sexing yeah yeah well because i almost turned me gay
poppers because they i thought the guys were going to the bathroom to do poppers
i said jalapeno poppers yeah let's get was it jalapeno poppers now like no
we're having gay sex in here say a similar thing happened to me
oh yeah no yes some guys tell me about it well well well some guys are like hey
we're going to the bathroom to do uh this poppers and i went in there
and it was a bunch of jalapeno poppers there's really a big uh you were trying to
have gay sex yeah trying to have gay sex i thought we were gonna be a sex turned
up no it's just pop dude and i was like i'm not fat like she i wish we could
switch places i know i had an idea
who's adam and steven like dang
what else do we have on the menu i know adam and steve we're getting an apps for
the table oh i forgot to add uh yeah well definitely go with a bunch of poppers
and then you kind of wink at the waiter and hope that he gets it he doesn't
always get it jalapeno uh you ask the coppers all right this is what
taryn's Howard said oh wait hold on remember clock stoppers that movie
great movie amazing movie literally stopped time remember that was that was
more man that's a cool no oh my god i'm
waiting for your facts every day i know we're gonna say keep him one more no we
already released them we already we put on the secrets here but we hid the secrets
here so it still exists it's just here's here's what taryn's Howard said he said
i've made some just you guys like stoicism pathagoras was a contemporary
i've made some discoveries in my own personal way what's contemporary
like he was at the time of the stoics okay but so so
okay so he's a he's a star he was a strict convict at the time
at the time god oh wait was he this was he the one that was a slave
pathagoras no he's the guy who liked math one of them was this
oh yeah okay one of them was he came up with the pathagorean theorem you know
the triangles yeah he didn't geometry he was a geometry yeah he was like he's
like this is a triangle this guy is so sick dude
yeah but he said a bunch of crazy shit that no one ever talks about where he'd
say stuff like fire is made out of two triangles and three circles
i don't see that there's like quotes of pathagoras like that actually mean
something i mean this is what taryn's howard the actor is getting at i mean
but i mean the pathagoras discredit the pathagorean theorem is like
probably the basis for like like building things and for like making
catapults came up with points like geometry points
something like that yeah and how many elements do you need for a fire
we had to add okay two three taryn's howard said i've made some discoveries
of my own personal life with the science that you know pathagoras was
searching for me too i was able to open up the flower of
life properly and find that the real wave conjugations
we've been looking for for ten thousand years wait wait tell me the way that's
taryn's howard on the red carpet tell me what he's saying is to a random
intervial discredit this hold on the way this is my life's mission hold on
hold on hold on access tonight the ratio the wave wave conjugations what does
that mean he says all energy in the universe is expressed in motion all
motion is expressed in waves which are waves or curves
so where does the straight lines come from that make the platonic solids there
are no straight lines so when i look the flower of life and open it properly i
found the whole new wave conjugations that expose the in-between spaces
it's the thing that holds us all together as he's he's he's over wording it but
all he's saying is that there's something you can't control some that you
can't and then the waves are the ones that you can't and might go over down
so the he went on to say that he said fire is made out of four circles and
that you try and this is actually true
actually i think there's one square actually but hold on this is how i think
is that guy hey guys taryn's howard i mean we're in but three that's maybe
he does he's trying to say the only way people hard out here for a pimp
guys the guys the same guy guys the corporate actor
guys now we're gonna ask more about corporate's gonna come corporate's gonna
come here hold on corporate's important no corporate's gonna come down on us we
don't do this hey it's ads folks we got ads
we'll figure it out later what do we call this ad something no
adcast oh this is ad ad comedy podcast folks
welcome to ad comedy podcast you get ads on here because you don't pay for the
patreon yeah these are the bad episodes as we always say
the good episodes are behind the paywall patreon.com slash bad comedy
yeah well doing ads is fun yeah we don't do ads in there
sometimes we do sometimes we just do ads one whenever
like ads or i mean it's the life it's up to us the life blood of capitalism
yeah how can we not we should start doing seven minute ads
we don't we do ads for seven minutes we've done like a 20 minute cool steeper
club ad okay that rolls so jason speaking of cool steeper club
what do you have right there this is the cool steeper club what
wow this is a rose flavored tea wow wow that's a pretty cool kind of
wine would know it tastes like wine with no alcohol wow
you can tell how much you've used that filter Jesus
that's almost as cool as twisted stained a much cooler tea where there is alcohol
they're not giving us shit all they're giving us is uh yeah we get money if
people sign up twist it twisted bees well not you we've been we've been
keeping all the money yeah i know you kept it the whole time
we've gotten thousands yeah that's probably we actually got hundreds of
thousands we probably got hundreds of hundreds of thousands we're gonna scam
dylan we got hundreds of sorry well yeah hundreds of millions dylan it's only
three nine at the most you know the deal we
closed you're paying top price for dylan i don't buy them in bulk like to
support you see how they have the sun he's like you sell these by the can give
me 12 individually please dylan the deal's always been
five five dollars a month you know it's it the podcast makes 15 dollars you get
five i learned to value myself i'm worth more than five dollars and two smelling
salts a month all right you get at least ten dollars and two smelling salt we
can do three now and i'll be in the middle at one additional smelling salt
and five dollars fifty cents total i give you two cpd
here i just need to okay i just need to write out a bad deal
it's twisted no i didn't i shouldn't assign that
i signed a bad deal you guys yeah cool steeper clubs are really cool there's no
alcohol in there so that's kind not that cool but it's going to be great down by
the pool steeper club this summer yeah so guys honestly it's so
fucking hot today i was really grateful to have this cool steeper club yeah so if
you're going in my fridge if you look at this see how simple this is huge container
they give you takes up they give you a big bag of tea it looks like no if it's on
the door where the where the where the two liter goes
well it looks like a huge problem to me i replace my two liter of fago with the
tea not well i just drink it right away so i'm really not everyone
you know i could save space in your dillon not ever all you're not everyone
lives in her for all your raw meat for my bodies yeah
dillon raw meat dillon not everybody has a just a mini fridge in there in their
cave well do you have a fridge i picture you as a guy without a fridge no i have
a fridge no you have a fridge but it's not it's not plugged in and the door is
open civilized you know i think it's full of bodies
yeah i i was gonna say i think he has one of those big freezers it's on the
ground
it's a lot of freezer a deep freeze i did uh i i told dillon that he can
borrow my this reciprocal saw probably perfect for bones yeah i don't know why
he offered it but uh yes i'm gonna borrow hey thank you he probably just offered
it because he wanted you to reciprocate and offer him something no but he
probably wanted to get my finger no no i just want to make sure that you can fit
more uh of the body parts in the small bag you don't very care on the big bag
that's very considerate of you very stoic of you yeah yeah i'm trying to be
stoic thank you it's pretty chill but of the world uh stoic drink tea a very
stoic thing to do cool super clip no it is if you it's not really cool i mean
well actually it's again it's like british and gay but
it's not a gun actually no no it's actually i'm not america what does america
want hold on indian isn't it i would like to
people took it from india well that's where it grows mainly this is like
this is like out of form drinking yeah but we're not paying taxes on this
um you don't have to pay a tax as a listener
tom i would like to dump it out the town hold on no tom i want to retract my
thing about drinking tea being gay drinking hot tea is gay drinking
cool tea is not gay oh that's more like southern
plantation yeah it's like i mean that reminds me of when i used to
sell a rabbit that was like when i used to live down on the
plantation i'd sit out and i'd be like i'm drinking my
my cool steeper club and i'm watching uh watching the cotton fields getting
getting plowed by tract because it's a new because it's a new century
and we don't we don't uh rely on the labels that's your boyfriend's name
tractor you're getting plowed by tractor ryan
tractor ryan but uh you develop a spiritual voice
but guys the cool thing spiritual little steeper club they have a canion black
yeah that's the type of tea i got like four bags of that bro because a lot of
canion black broc obama right that's the broc obam and then i
got cranberry canion black and it's just like cranberry obama
yo and the jit i heard joe bodyn was just in town and is there a flavor like
it's a high oh yeah there's always four teas in every
pack is there a joke there's like really old age and old age like i drank it but i
can't remember okay oh that's i can't remember that's it
the joe body one's good one to have in case you have like a terrifying memory
you get uh irped by somebody's phew well i don't think
irp is this is subing you without your consent somebody does it yeah so
but so then you drink the body it's a little bit and you're not about yeah
and you're and you're sad about it but but if you drink the body afterwards you
forget about it usually and then you you can be stoic because you can't just
like well on that i did i did i did he doing that should some people drink
your some people drink forget exactly that's all i got is a mislead let's
forget about it and forgive it forget about it for some reason you don't think
that i wonder if the italians are stoics well let's
say forget about it it's too close to a slur well i think you figure it out
well marcus aurelius
yeah marco marco is the real it um no
but i was thinking i was thinking i wish i was uh if if my name was and i was
born isn't this in arbor and yes it in if i was more
in michigan and i was an arborist then i would open and arbor's
and arbor's hot dogs stand up hot dogs and frank's and arbor's arbor
arbor i'm rasty in it in an arbor okay i like it so that's what you do in that
life yeah i mean it's something like you got to think
about different lives you know like you can't you can't always just think
about one about a how about a bane frank
exactly and frank but in france like i was hiding in the dark
i was born in the attic oh yeah just the people to kill it's it's pretty
oh wait hold on we got a camera i think you can you know so we definitely need
to make sure that we're all at the error is because it's too high the camis
are we stopping recording see the error message in the bottom the flashed in
way this is tech it's brutal i used to get that because uh my
computer wasn't handling the memory usage made sure to exit out of other things
up here the computer joe why is too much stuff do you have plugged into this now
well i just have that after oh and we're back to ad comedy podcast folks we
didn't finish the cool steeper ad so i could i do a quick breakdown of how
this works here break it down so you get like a nice they get said you a nice
bag and when it's going through customs they might think it's drugs so
don't be if it's gonna be fine if the atf or fbi comes to your door the dea
probably most likely um unless this is not a good
yeah no hold on you don't want to tell them about the problems they might have
they might show up to your door if you order it but now you look you look so
you look so they beat me up with the billy clubs one time
yeah you look so cool to your neighbors yeah i was in all the jaysons the
first day was so cool they stopped fucking with me they stopped leaving poop
on my door well i told you about when i got the package finally it said it's
so many when i got a package of the cool steeper club it was labeled to or from
uh ted kazen's tea i thought i thought it was a bomb
that's cool though well no that i opened it up and it was the uh the cool
steeper stuff but it was covered in like wires and bomb stuff and you kind of
just opened it up right and yeah it turned out as prank good news it was
just uh i'm ed's clock yeah god so it was just a it was just a muslim
students clock and we're going to give them an engineering yeah
scholarship i just love how you got straight a's buddy i just love how the
tea of the world has a sense of humor yeah you know yeah i love the steeper
club being the tea of the world you can get that tea at cool steeper club
dot com and use the promo code bad comedy for 25 percent off
and then we get money from that yeah and then that that will help fund making
making us not we being me and mad but really what happened i want to know the
real story of what if you took money and just kept it
oh no no oh i'll tell you after i love after
oh and we're back to ad comedy podcast folks we didn't finish the cool steeper
ad so i can i do a quick breakdown of how this works here
break it down so you get like a nice they get set you a nice bag and when it's
going through customs they might think it's drugs so don't be if it's gonna be
fine if the atf or fbi comes to your door the dea
probably most likely um unless this is not a good
yeah no hold on hold on i don't want to tell them about problems they might have
they they might show up to your door if you order it but that you'll look you
look so you look so they beat me up with the billy clubs one time
yeah you look so cool to your neighbors yeah i was in all the way back i was
saying it was so cool they stopped fucking with me they stopped leaving poop on
my door well i told you about when i got the package
finally it's a it's a so many when i got a package of the cool steeper club it
was labeled to or from uh ted kazins tea
so i thought i thought it was a bomb that's cool though well no that i opened
it up and it was the cool steeper stuff it was covered in like wires and bomb
stuff and you kind of just open it up right yeah it turned out as prank good
news it was just a med's clock yeah thank god so it was just a it was just a
muslim students clock and we're gonna give them an engineering yeah
scholarship i just love how you got straight a's buddy i just love how the
tea of the world has a sense of humor yeah you know yeah i love cool steeper
club being the tea of the world you can get that tea at cool steeper club
dot com and use the promo code bad comedy for 25 percent off
and then we get money from that yeah and then that that will help fund making
making us not we being me and man but really what happened i want to know the
real story of what if you took money and just kept it oh no no
oh i'll tell you after