Welcome to Bad Comedy
Where we make fun of MC Lightsay
Who?
Why does he have a dangly earring?
What?
He's done with comedy
But we like it more than Bob King
Bob King
Still true
Welcome to Bad Comedy
Where the host and guest are gay
And to hear it you have to pay
Welcome to Bad Comedy
Hey everybody, welcome to the Bad Comedy Podcast
That was me, Jonathan, the guy who wrote Garfield
And I'm here with...
I'm Tony Hawkinalugi
I'm Tony Tomahawk
That's a joke from a ghost we used to have here
I'm Boney Tomahawk from the movie Bone Tomahawk
Nice
Yeah, I...
They used to call...
The girls in high school would call my wiener, Bone Tomahawk
Oh yeah?
Yeah
Interesting
Sometimes they would call them...
Because it would cut them?
No
Oh sorry, they were called Bone Tony Hawk
Because it was so cool and good escape work
Because it could...
No, whatever man
It could launch the Gap
It could launch the Gs across...
It could launch the vert
Because the vert was very...
Could it do the loop-de-loop?
They called it... Yeah, they called it...
They called it the Tony Hawk because the vert was so high on it
It was so big
Interestingly, girls used to call my dick the 900
Why?
Because it could spin in a 900 degrees
Like an owl's head?
Like a Tony Hawk, he did the 900
Yeah, but it was spinning like an owl's head
Yeah basically, but more than that because it's spinning 900 degrees
I think an owl only does 360
Have you ever hung out with an owl and asked him?
I mean the real answer to this question is yes, and yes
He goes, how many licks does it take to get to the center of Tootsie Pop?
A one, a two, a three crunch
Really?
And he goes, three licks
That owl from that...
I said, hey wait a second owl, you didn't lick it all the way
You bit it, it's three licks in a bite
Yeah, what's our Jewish friend from Pittsburgh's name?
Old guy?
I think his name was Woody Allen or something
I know his name, it's in my tongue
Is he still the bald guy?
What the fuck is his name?
I love him, I forgot his name
It's like Andy
Andy, yes
Andy?
Andy Kaufman
I believe it was Andy
You know I met a guy who looked like Andy Kaufman Estate?
Yes, no because we had Andy Mango and Andy DeWitt
Andy DeWitt, shout out to Andy DeWitt
I told Andy DeWitt, he looks like the owl from that commercial
Tootsie Pop commercial
Does he? I can't remember what the owl looks like
He kind of does
What were we talking about before?
Shout out to Andy Mango, our coolest patron
So you've seen owls spin their heads
Remember white owls?
Have you seen the most
For smoking balloons?
I do, but have you ever seen the most talented owl that can spin its head full 900?
Yeah, right
Tony Owl
They should be calling that guy Tony Owl the way he spun around up there
Yeah, I mean regardless
Owls at parties
Tony Owl
I spin my head right around
If I was a guy who had secret information on the government, you know like Deep Throat
I would go by Tony Owl
I kind of like that as like a secret spy name
Owl?
Tony Owl
It's not that good
No, it's good
It doesn't come off that good
Oh, you like Deep Throat better? Probably
I don't
Remember Deep Throat gave information on Nixon?
I didn't know that
Oh yeah, in the news they would refer to the anonymous source that was giving the Nixon lies as Deep Throat
Really?
Yeah, I don't know why
I mean there's a whole movie about it
Yeah
Like a comedy movie
Where they were like doing a parody of the Nixon shit, I don't know
What was it actually called then?
I think it's called Deep Throat
No, that's history and also why they made a comedy
Well that's probably before like there was a lot of porn out there and like Deep Throat
It was a reference to porn
I think
Yeah, it was like
I was thinking it was more like
Because it was the 60s, right? Nixon's the 60s
What I would think is that they probably were thinking about it more old time, either like
He's got a lot of information in his throat
Yeah, I think maybe they were trying to play on that, I don't know
Maybe
Nowadays it's pretty much we see exactly what it means
Now it's 100% sexual
Yeah, couldn't mean anything else
Yeah
What about Shallow Throat?
Shallow Throat
That's pretty good
But you said
Not if it's somebody you're looking for as an intimacy partner
So you don't want to be with somebody with a shallow throat?
Are you talking about the name of a spy mission or your spy name?
How about the spy who shagged me?
That's an excellent movie
Yeah, dude, it's one of the best movies ever
That's the best one of my
When I was growing up we didn't have the internet
You could watch Austin Powers, the spy who shagged me and that could be your whole personality all summer
I could probably
Remember in the movie when he goes, they're always trying to steal my lucky charms?
Yeah
That was so good and everyone would be like, we love you
You're the cool dude who hangs out
And he's like, well, you gotta go to the internet, you gotta know everything
Willie Nelson's in there for two seconds
What does he do?
They're like, Willie
Remember the power
It's when they're looking at the airplane, they'll see it there
He's like, that looks like a giant Willie
And he's like, oh, that looks like a big wood
And it's like Woody
Cause they'd do that bit like they're about to say something perverted but it'd always be something else
Yeah, so that was as a kid, that was the funniest part
So
Little brother's favorite part was the Lucky Charms part. Yeah, they're always after me like that movie
You can watch it at every age you go actually. Oh, yeah age 10 years old. It's hysterical
You watch it at when I watched it three months ago. Yeah, it's awesome
I know you watched it in high school
And you understand much more of it and then you get older and then nothing's funny anymore
You watch it and it's hilarious. Yeah
That's what sucks about being a comedian is nothing's really funny anymore. Uh-huh
They gotta watch comedies when I like go on well, let me correct you awesome powers is so funny
I know I mean I mean like new comedies. I don't like oh true. Yeah
I don't I've seen a really funny comedy lately what I feel like they don't really put out comedies
But I got well they do like that
Like Kevin Hart movie they do like romantic comedies and shit like where it's like there's a another something going on
Or they do like a it's like an action movie with comedy elements or the superhero all the Marvel movies
I have like just full of jokes
They even get like comedy directors that bad guy
For the little quips the guy who did what we do in the shadows like directs all the you know what I would venture to say
I would venture to say that
The Marvel humor is British humor
Why the jokes they say in those are the same jokes that Tom Holland and his buddy would say to each other really yeah, I
Don't know what you're talking about. I guess this the same the same way they say it the same
Yeah, I'm thinking about like what they're trying to even just remember one of the jokes
It's just a little quips in the first Guardians of the Galaxy
Somebody makes a joke about like a set like if you turn on a blacklight
It would look like a Jackson Pollock painting because like there was a bunch of sex happening in his spaceship
So it was like a joke a cum joke basically like you know Jackson Pollock does the splatter paints. Yeah, yeah
It'd be funny. I was like this is a kid's movie. What the hell's going on?
To be like
Tom be like and then and then they
Massacred all the gay people and then the other Dominic would be like
That's not very woke that Tom
You that is like a kind of joke I guess they do in a Marvel movie
Yeah, they're quips yeah, they're I will they're definitely do quips. Yeah, that's true. Yeah
What we need is they also do this thing where it's like
What Thor has a hammer and he's got two hammers and one's big and one's small and then they're like
Big and one's small and then for some reason Captain America has the hammer and he goes and Thor goes
I'll take the big one you get the small one because he's like got a lot of ego or do you think that's maybe Thor had
Black dad and an Asian mom that's why he had one really big hammer one really small one
Well, no, we know his dad and mom from the show his dad is Odin
And his mom is the Odin's again. They're on the show Odin's a god and he looks or is a god
Oh, I know but I see he looks white in the but he I think he transcends race. He's played by a very famous actor
What's the guy's name?
Plays Odin in the Marvel movie. It's Omar from the wire. No, it's a I think it's a someone like Frazier
It's called yes, Anthony Hopkins is that I see it I think it is Anthony Hopkins
I was a good guess. Yeah, I guess because well you're you're right to think it's like Frazier because Frazier is a guy who's pretending to be
British
Did Frazier is a show does not good. Okay. I've been watching it lately because me and Ricardo are writing Frazier to right now, okay
We've made a lot of progress. I like it. I'm happy you told me that
Because otherwise I might have started watching. Oh don't why I mean you might like it cuz you watched Degrassi
well, I watched two seasons because
Two seasons a lot
grassy saw
It shows so bad. It was funny though. Just have on
There's one thing in Degrassi
I like I told my girlfriend makes me watch the show
But I I hate it and I complain about it unless it's the scene where Drake is getting shot then I always cheer
I never got to that. Oh my god. It's so good. But so good
I just love when that to me is to this day Drake's peak in his career
I just love when there isn't done anything good since the day he got shot by a nerd
Yeah, that's under grassy. Nothing is competed with that. I think and I also don't like that show
This is really funny when it's these kids. It's just like you like I got really yeah, they're always
Canadian accents I gotta steal the Oxycontin to provide for my girl. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know that I think that's that's like
One of the reasons that trailer park boys is hilarious
Canadian accents. Yeah, but trailer park. Do you ever watch that? No, dude, that's actually somebody's I've been working on another project
It's an amazing it is an amazing comedy show. Yeah
I'm working on another project
It's a fake reality show a fake travel show which I guess is a fake reality show and people keep comparing it to trailer park boys
It's a doubt would be like it. I
Don't know. I've never seen the show. I can't say I have an idea for one of the characters
They'll be named Julie and they were a black t-shirt all the time. They're always carrying like a rum and coke and
And then you got another character named bubbles. He's kind of our worded and he wears like these big glasses
Okay, I'll pitch those that our next one eating and then one more guy named Ricky
Who's a huge fuck up and he always gets them into trouble and he just like all right. He was he rattles down
I'm not gonna be able to remember. Yeah
Those are just the main characters. I'm sure of our boys
Okay, no, I knew what you're doing, but
Yeah, I could still pitch that if you want. I guess you know they have
In the trailer part. There's some rappers there want to be rappers
I seen a clip of this because I was looking up something or other
Oh because that guy was an actor on another show. I liked
The guy who plays the rapper I think the way I mentioned. Yeah, I watched the lunatics with
I think his name is j rock in that also. Okay. Okay. There's actually a jet
Yeah, someone brought that up on the pod j rock. Oh, yeah, cuz there's a rapper named and I was like
Yeah, the rapper the black rapper j
But this jy rock is the is the black rapper j
Rock is the the white one for yeah. Yeah for sure
What j smooth jazz how about JB smooth jazz JB smooth
Professor pizza our guest we're about to have on he
Served pizza JB smooth. That's cool. I bet he liked it
That's cool. I bet he liked it
Yeah, it sounds like a fun time for everybody. Yeah, you probably like damn this pizza damn good
He kind of is a list
It seems like a lot of work to do a professor pizza does but then at the end of the day you're just eating pizza with
Celebrities and cool funny people. It's fine. You know, like that's not bad. Not bad at all a lot of work though
I'd like staying home. I
Don't think I could be well, I like to stay he's always out and about he's got kids
Maybe that's why if I had kids I'd want to get out. Yeah, just
Like the movie. Yeah, it's like the movie kids get out never get out
See the movie kids
Fucked up movie
I'll see you more if you don't want to do the movie get out so you would change your body to a black guy
So that it would look like you disappeared
But I would I was thinking the movie kids wherever we're a bunch of young kids get AIDS from having a protected sex with each other and
There's our worded stuff in it. The movie should be called kids
Yeah, it's pretty wild. They also kill a guy in the park with their scare board scape scare boards
Yeah, it's like advertising like
Like popsicle flavor vapes. Yeah, okay. Let's watch kids. Yeah, let's watch kids. This is the most horrible
It's like a movie. It's like made deliberately to try and offend you
It's like one of those movies. Did you watch that? I think you might have said you hated the movie
It's like early 90s and 90s or something. It was I think it was directed by
The the guy from super super bad Jonah Hill is directed by him, but he was an it is about like skateboarding kids
Skateboarding kids from like from like when we grew up the Lords of Dogtown
Like when we grew up not from like the seven I don't have any idea well, yeah
Yeah, it's about skateboarding in the 90s early 90s or 90s. That's the name of the movies something like that. I haven't seen it
pretty good
You ever watch brink you like that I've seen brink I don't remember what happens I saw it as a kid really good
roller bladers
Yeah, it's he makes blades, you know, I mean we know about that right well
Rollerblading but what we've talked about that before I
Don't want it
Is there something like yeah, yeah against it or something who is a who's a guest last week?
I
Can't remember legitimately
Anyway roller bladers, uh, it was a good guess. I didn't get the channel that got the gay sex games
So I never saw I never saw the rollerblading competition. We had Micah on the gay sex games
I'm the gay sex games. We had Micah. Yeah Mike Robinson. Yeah, is that when we talked about rollerblading? Yeah
When I was a kid my brother my older brother he was ten years old than me
He looked out for me in Indiana and the way you look out for your younger brother is you tell him everything that's gay
And and and to avoid it. Yeah and rollerblading
everybody knows
Not everyone knows a why your older brother knows that just like Tupac fruit booting
Maybe maybe you back in the 90s. We had a word for rollerblading. We called it fruit booting
Yeah, you and because you're a fruit with your boots you and your brother cuz you had no friends
Yeah, yeah in line skating more like in guys
Skating because they're having sex with other fellas. I don't think that's the case
What's your favorite rollerblading move the one where you grind on a pole and then you grind on his pole?
No
Probably just doing I wasn't that good
I feel like you're not good enough to have sex with a man
You're really pissing me off. Did you remember that scene in broke back mountain where they go rollerblade? Oh, I
Never seen either. Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure they have
How do you know about the role bleeding scene? I made it up. Oh, yeah
Uh-huh. I heard they did they wanted to have rollerblades. Yeah, yeah, Adam Urbanski, please
I just have been getting lots of can you please watch broke back mountain for us approve that as well waiting in there?
You don't have to prove you're straight by not watching it Adam. You have a wife and kids
So we know you know you're straight so you can get away with watching movies like that. I
Think I told you this but I was on a plane to France and I saw a guy watch it three times in a row
He's like if you see some front of me on the right side
His probably maybe is there's like two things like the less fun one is this like it's the only movie
He has a computer which is weird. No, it was on the little TV. Oh, no, so he got to pick
How many options are there?
Probably a lot. Oh, no. Yeah, I mean it was it was a flight to France. So they have like the good stuff
It was a long flight. So
That's probably all good stuff on France all the news movies. Yeah, I've never been to Europe or over over the ocean
I've never been outside of the North America. That's because you are a poor white loser
Well, I just don't want to go to places where they don't speak English because it seems gay
Like I want to do stand up and talk to people and if you have some cool thing to look at in France like the Eiffel
Tower, I'll just look at a picture on Google. I don't care. I will I will I will
Kind of concede on that. I've been to Spain and France. Yeah
You can just go to one. It's it's it's
The same western Europe is western Europe. Yeah, I don't I'm not gonna go to Germany
I'm not gonna fuck it. I might go to England just have some pints and then hit over
I heard you wanted to go to Germany so you could see Hitler's grave because you're gonna cry and miss him
Actually, you were mourning the death of our piano actually. Oh
Pissler with my with tears
Yeah
Yeah, well
Is real grave?
Definitely have his bones. Well, we should do something cool with his bones
So I know that would be a really scary. It's not just a skeleton for Halloween. It's Hitler's skeleton
But you know how so
There's a conspiracy that he's in Argentina, right? Right, right, but they actually
You know, they actually did get one guy Adolf Eichmann from yeah
Well, the bunch of supposedly a bunch of nazis went to south america, right? Right? That's right
That's how those like blue-eyed people in south in southern south
America. Yeah
I was on some podcast about like after the war that there was tons of retribution killings
Like tons of people who were nazis during World War two were getting murdered by like regular citizens for the horrible stuff they did
But like and there's like there might have been like a million like german nazis who were like killed
Just in retribution for the war crimes they did or something like that. There's like rough estimates
It's all there and they don't like talking about that because it like it makes their like
Oh, we were persecuted by the nazis seem like not as bad because it gives some credit like oh there was retribution
There was some retribution murders. Oh, I'm sure there was a lot of that. Yeah. Well, I know that the
I know that the uh
the what's the israeli intelligence
uh the id
No, no, it's got like a name that sounds like a middle eastern
um the masad
Oh the hamas
That's the opposite dude. I know the masad the masad hamas sounds like something you could order at a jewish deli
No, the masad went around and killed a bunch of uh, like nazis. Yeah, that's what i'm saying
Yeah, um, but also yeah, I think there was I think there was more indiscriminate killing just like yeah people in military
Like rwanda. I think that happened too like after the big massacre in rwanda
There was like revenge killings on the on the anniversary probably so but yeah
Probably the reason they try to hide that is because i'm sure there were some
Germans that were definitely just killed
Yeah, I think so within it that weren't they were forced to do it but weren't really I don't and also you don't want to
Give them any sympathy. Yeah, you just want to fully hate the nazis. So yeah, it kind of makes like the the good people look evil
Do you think so?
okay, so if you're from the ji province of
China, okay
Just follow me
Um, that's the there's a b c d f and g so there's people from no xi
the ji province g
Ji ji. Yeah, i'm og so but young blood
Do you live there i'm an og your young blood do you live in the
Do you live in here from the yb do you live in proverance young blood? Do you live in g i'm og
Uh, anyone that doesn't live there's a not not g
And not g anyone who doesn't live there. Yeah. Well, i'm an og you're young blood. You're from the yb province
Of the one the yg. Yeah
What up slime what's popping slime?
From the slime province slime slime is he a producer that's a young thugs gang
There was also uh, and he started the phrase like going what's up slime and like slime means homie and then also doing slime
I think there was a guy named slime though, too
Uh, all the guys in his gang have slime in their name somewhere because
A little the ysl where the s stands for slime that he's on trial for right now
And they have all these guys come on the stand and their name's always like
Dhs slime lord, they're all slime guys. That's like that's like xanarchy like will zan and zan frank. Yeah
Well his is but unfortunately they're on trial for like murder and a bunch of stuff
I don't know if wolf's and group is doing that. Yeah, I think he I think he got sober
So he's probably doing like a case where they're getting everyone to tell on young thug to make him the leader to take like
With the account like for all the crimes of everyone else
I try to get like rico. Yeah, they're doing like a rico thing right now. Puerto Rico. You haven't fallen this young thug shit
Uh, I don't follow anything
um
Rico louis j gomez is puerto rican. He's puerto rican and hey erin putnam. How about you uh put uh,
Some words in his ear that tell us to put us on gas digital
Or not you put putting a knife in blake burkhardt's back by talking shit about his yeah
Or guess what louis j gomez?
We're going to rogan because we met a producer as best friends of the rogue. Oh, yeah
We did and we're joining that network. So get us now if you want chicago
Otherwise, we're going to rogan. We're staying in chicago rogan network. I texted that guy once he didn't text me back and then uh,
Yeah, you gotta follow up. I uh, I guess i'll text him again
I don't know what i'm I don't have to say to mike. No, you don't remember
Remember, you know, he thought that you were he was so he was a hammer
He thought that you were the guy he had sex with shamefully. Oh, maybe he i'll be like hey just a heads up
We didn't have sex. You're all good. I'm not the yeah, I could say give him like a yeah relief
He thinks he's gay
But yeah, um, we know some pretty powerful people
People yeah, i'd say we're magnate. We know uh professor pizza. You know, we do know professor pizza
Uh, hey, he's got a lot of power
he's a
master marketer master baiter master
Chris baiter. Yeah, chris christer christopher baiter chris baiter ginsberg. Um, so
Kyle scantron chris baiters podcast christopher columbus baiter
I haven't seen many clips from that bobach podcast. I wonder how that one's doing. I saw a couple recently. Nope
I saw a couple in the uh
Entirety of my life. I saw one or two. I think it was a bobeck and scanlin. Yeah, I think I think
What'd you call him? Bo bo boba t the other one and scanlin
I don't know
scanlin
Scanlin yeah, who's that?
Scanlin is that
You don't know kyle scanlin
and i
scantron
Who's that? He's a room, but i don't think in large. Oh, yeah. Yeah the room by linkin lodge
He goes around he takes out all the garbage and he goes and sits on his charging station until the next time
It's the only time i've ever seen him
This when he's doing the garbage. Oh, hey, jason is always nice and then he walks into his show limelight
Yeah, like when that's a guy who should be worried about ai taking his job
Yeah, the guy who acts like a rumba. Yeah
Yeah
Not even ai just technology you can buy for 24 bucks on amazon true that
Is your rumba 24 bucks?
It was cheap
I bought a cheap one for nara for her birthday nice
That's always nice to buy cheap. She didn't get it going yet, though
It's very easy to do you just kind of get it going
You know, yeah, she likes clean stuff. So just tell her to get it going
We got a cat. I don't know what the it actually makes the floors. You have hardwood. Yeah, it actually makes the floors look
Look, it looks like it's like bopped after you do it because it just picks up everything. That's sweet. Yeah
By it
I've taken out my mop this weekend. Fuck you gotta hang out with your mop. Yeah
Moppers day. Oh shit. It is moppers day
Well, I guess when this comes out it has already been moppers day. Happy moppers day
Uh, do you guys have moms? Uh raise your hand if you have moms. Yeah, shout out to all the moms
Everyone raise your hand if you have a mom and if you don't have a mom get out. Yeah
Hey momless motherfuckers get out. Yeah, we only want we only want uh listeners with mom. Yeah, we don't believe that you're
Capable. Yeah, and if you don't have a mom you can keep hate listening bitch. Yeah
And if you're wondering what it's like to have a mom keep dreaming. It's the best feeling of all time. It's amazing
They'll never fucking get it. They're so caring and they're also never crazy
Not my case no
That's not what I heard from everyone in evanston what the
People at evanston love to talk about evanston, dude
Yeah
There was some guys who were just like 40 year old guys came to power hour
And they just like went on stage for their first time and then they all talked about evanston
I swear to fucking god and I went over and talked to them about evanston. Did you were you there for that?
Yeah, oh my god, dude. What is up with the evanston shit evanston is so much
I've never met like somebody from my area and we don't talk about it
If I do I was up and we don't talk about so like when we go to college
We don't see more now. We don't say we're from chicago. We say we're from evanston. We're not we're not like the schomburg pricks
I say i'm from indiana and not chicago right outside exactly
But i'll but also I do say i'm like from near gary or near hammon because people don't know my town
Yeah
When you're not from a big town people don't know why the why do they name it gary?
Is there a guy named gary that yeah, it was fucking gary that lived there. Yeah, he's like
I'll name it my first dude. It's probably the hardest motherfucker ever have you ever been
Gary it's like yeah, but i'm sure scary gary they call it. Gary was it probably wasn't always like that
No, it wasn't
Gary indiana, they used to write those gay songs like musical songs about it
Do you remember gary indiana gary indiana guys if you want to hear the best?
50s freestyle song ever uh listening to the patreon episode with mike I sang a song about
Being by the soda fountain with my gal. Yeah, and it was
It could have been a hit a real fucking hit back in the 50s. I'll tell you that much
Well, it's easy to do with hindsight
Right? We know what they're all about now, but imagine you're there at the time. You don't know the future
You got to make up a song. I totally made up that song and the rhythm too
Yeah, but you just copied like the
I just talked about things that were going around back then I know but you'd sing it in a way that like they
I'll do another one. And uh, well, it's i'm just saying it's easy to do in hindsight
You know all their styles now imagine not knowing the future
I didn't that was and you're coming up with like you're in your barbershop quartet
That was that wasn't trying to come up with something new that wasn't really their style to be honest
It ended up getting closer to country a little bit
It was more he got a little more in the original hank williams. Yeah, it's easy to do with hindsight
Yeah, I mean, sorry that I have really good hindsight. I have 20 20 hindsight. Yeah. Yeah hindsight is 20 20
Yeah, that's what I have
I have bad hindsight
No, no one ever says they have bad hindsight. I'm always like damn. I didn't do anything wrong
I was perfectly
Corrected everything I chose
I didn't fuck up by doing comedy
Not pursuing like healthier safer options. I'm on my hindsight is zero zero. I'm blindside blind
Yeah, I got yeah hindsight bias. Yeah
And I never I never look back
Yeah, those they say never look back. I got a high knee sight like i'm always looking at people's high knees
Men's especially probably no never. Yeah, I didn't know men had backsides they do because I always look a man his eyes
You told
Professor pizza you said he was walking out. I love your pizza, but I love that ass a little more
He smacked it on his way out. He's too small for me to even reach his ass. Come on, man
I don't know. Did I have to lay down to reach his ass? He's so small
Well now you might not really go to humble jungle
What I actually called nathan wild because when blake canceled I called nathan to see if you know the podcast
That'd be good. Yeah, what'd he say? He should he should come on. Um, he he might have texted me but I have a message
Um, are they humble or are they humboldt?
Um, he's humble. He's a very he was in the navy, but he's like the nicest like normal dude. Everyone was in the navy
um
Why do all these people do I literally know a bunch of people who are in the navy?
I guess I know one marine, you know anthony we had on he was like a marine
Yeah, he's like the softest guy ever. Yeah never talks about being in the marines, which makes me think
He's done something horrible
Or it's just more of a modesty thing he's got to make up for like what he did by being very nice now
He like has a lot of regret. Yeah, but I mean I bet he sleeps with a gun on the bedside table
He really wants to commit who is uh, no
No, like I think he's scared like somebody might come in and get him so he's got to have a gun ready in the middle
Of the night. Yeah, you ever watch hitman the movie mine was on my bedside table for a while
Hitman the movie he sleeps with two guns right next to him and he sleeps sitting up like fully dressed
Because guys are always bussing in ways asleep and he could just grab his gun and start fighting immediately
He must get terrible sleep. It seems like it but he also always seems better rested than me
So i'm always like pissed off a little bit. Yeah. Yeah
That'd be cool if movies are real. Yeah, I love movies
Do you think most movies are real?
Probably 90 95 percent. Yeah
It's probably a little bit of an exaggeration. That's right. Give the five to ten percent. I think like uh dune
Yeah, like that movie avatar. That's probably exaggerated a little
Yeah
So this avatar, okay
And there's after the last airbender
Okay, I don't really know what I haven't seen either of these things
Avatar the last what you've seen avatar. No, I haven't it's all blue people. Yeah, I know the commercial
It's all in blue people. I was reminded recently that when that movie came out
There are people who claim to have a disorder where they were nostalgic for the fake planet from the movie
and then people were saying they had like a mental disorder where they
Missed being on the blue planet
Okay, I need
I was sure behind it's like i'm setting. I was sure buying the paywall but I
I think you want to say the f slur. No
I just I just want to say that I think the fbi should track all these
awful people like that
The lamest motherfuckers in the world and put them somewhere. I think wonder anymore
put them somewhere great if these things are real like
Like I heard you remember when the joker movie was coming out we can put them on we'll put them on greenland where it's really green
Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah
In the joker movie was coming out people were like this movie is going to cause riots people are going to like become
Anarchists after they watch this. Do you remember that? It already happened there, right? Most of the riots
Well, what happened was yeah, it did actually work
Okay, look at january 6th and black lives matter during uh during the quarantine joker came out after after most of those riots
Though I think I think literally when some movie the joker came out a bunch of scientists went to a lab
And they're like I got an idea for a pandemic
It's they're like it's gonna be like the joker in the streets once we release this
Uh, but it turned out it was like the movie studios just made all those memes and stuff
It was all just promotion for the movie. So people would think that the movie's crazy
And then they'd want to see it more all it really was and I think that's true when people say like
All the white people are mad. We got a black little mermaid. I don't think anyone's really mad
I've never met someone in my life who was mad at
female ghostbusters
blacks black guy in star wars
Well, or were you mad if any of these things?
You were mad at female ghostbusters. Yes, because
Because the movies sucked or because they were female
Because I don't want to watch it
Well, yeah, you don't just don't watch it. That's why i'm mad. I mean movies come out that I don't want to see all the time
I'm don't get mad that they shouldn't have but people are like you're destroying the legacy of the ghostbusters
They shouldn't have wasted hollywood's budget americans. Who cares is hollywood's budget gdp on this
They was they actually did pay for that that's what people would say so by the it was paid by by the
We would tax money. Yeah, they're like we want a female ghostbusters to like a black little mermaid. Um,
I I do have one concern with that one. What's that?
Is it possible?
why because
Is it possible wasn't ursula black
She has a
In the original I guess she was purple. She's a purple lesbian
She's a lesbian. Huh? Yeah, he's mean lesbian. That sounds that checks out. She's like katie zane. Yeah
Insane in the members katie zane is not a lesbian. I don't think it is they
I'm sure they're sexual. They're non-binary and they used to date michael cooper
Yeah, so that sounds uh, he's tooth sexual beyond gender
He's gums. He's a gum sexual. Yeah
Yeah, I heard that's what happened is he went to jail and he wouldn't blow a guy so they knocked out his teeth so
You probably
Bite them he's you probably sensible saying an eye for an eye tooth for a tooth or something and then he just knocks his teeth out
Yeah, you know
It's his idea because it because it's his idea of justice because they because he looked them in the eyes and they knocked out his teeth
Yeah
Yeah, you know when you're a boob guy and you're uh on the internet you're looking for just tits. Yeah
But when you're uh, michael cooper and you go to jail you're looking for justice
Speaking of tits and ass I uh, I wanted to do an hour of my def jam
Oh, yeah, you want to get going? Yeah. Yeah, so I got a pee. Can I pee? No
I have to be here for the whole thing. So I have this new hour that i'm working on um for
And i'm gonna be doing it performing at a bartend or my eyes are getting worse
I was just trying to look at the clock so that I could time you. Oh, yeah, i'm trying to say six o'clock
I'm trying to perform this at like uh from the start at bartend or you're so lucky
My eyes are getting worse and then and then i'm gonna
From aging dude, and then from there. I will I have 12 hours
I'm performing at all. I'm just looking at an ass
I'm gonna start a bartend or this thing go to uh riddles and then i'm gonna do on netflix
So I'm gonna be like you should go to bar pandora. I said man this bitch this bitch tan
She she uh, I got a call from her. All right, and she says she butted out but I'm like, okay
She she uh, I got a call from her. All right, and she says she butted out my ass
And I was like bitch how the fuck you butt now somebody I got your ass your ass
Your ass ain't small enough to type in my fucking number
You don't have my shit save how do you go butt down me use your ass for something that hold on a second
She butt dialed your ass like her butt called your butt man
I'm talking about my me bro my ass your butt her but her she butt dialed your ass. Yeah
Her but but that about but her butt called your butt. No, that's what you're saying to me and I was like
How I was like how you go by the way, you could use this if you want for it
You're but her but called your bow. It's not gonna work
You'd be like what are two butts talk about they're talking about dude. You ever have a really good poop
And then well the two buds are calling each other I have an hour I have to do this
Do you ever but answer a call? I got booked for an hour. You ever but answer to call
I got booked for an hour to do I know I'm helping you. This is like eight bit open mic
But I see him for an hour. It's a 60 bit open mic
So, uh, hold on so so you ever but answer
Well, let me get to that, okay, okay
So because if she but dialed you but answered then really a but called and a but answered
So her but called your I saw that shit is a missed call
And I and I was like, okay, so you you you but down me you didn't you didn't call me
Yes. Yeah, you ain't call me then to try to hang up. Did she call you or your ass?
Me okay, you ain't just try to call me and hang up. Why was you calling me?
How why was you calling me?
I know your ass can't type in my phone number unless your ass the size of a finger
When you say your ass you being her she like she can't dial
Because you say I'll do that our you say her ass your ass called me
Like with your finger, but you can't dial because you have a problem guys. Just go to the
Black event and I'll perform it there. What's the next one?
Just look
At any bit you'll see my face on the main page for jokes and notes. Well, I think that
Unfortunately, the I think
What a jerk closed down the jerk chicken. No
Yeah, so now the only place I can get what's crazy is before they closed down
They called me and they said they were all out of you
The jerk star, yeah
That's good the jerk star, yeah, yeah, that's kind of like my joke where i'm like
Where i'm like I tried jerk chicken for the first time. He was so mean to me. That's pretty good
Um, but why do they call it jerk chicken?
Why do they call it jerking off?
I don't know. It used to be
it
I feel like jerk off is more common than jack off because jack off used to be more common
And I like whack off whacking off. Yeah, whacking. All right, I gotta I gotta beat it
Yeah, just beat it. All right, I gotta then i'm gonna repeat it
Or I gotta uh, push the toothpaste out. Yeah push it t
Push the t push t
metro booming wants less
I need to make this song. I need another song to come out. Yeah, I can't you're you're cooked
You gotta get it out there dude, yes, otherwise you're cooked. I guess that's gonna make my damn
You're gonna people are gonna think of you like the same way they think of j. Cole
What do they think? Well, he put out a diss track and then he retracted it
He he dis retract retract he dissed kendrick. He just
Did you not know about the j. Cole's part in this? Hold on. Hold on. You're saying he he
Distract retracted distract he re he retracted distract
he
retract
retract this
Yeah, like you retract like you retract your penis. Yeah. Yeah
Is that a thing that people do?
Had I ever do no you tracked it out and then you retract it
To your body not into my body, but I remember one time I went to the hot springs in uh,
Colorado not that long ago. Mm-hmm, and it's really cold outside was that in colorado springs?
No, no
Weird seems like that'd be the perfect place for it. It was it was in steamboat
Not one steamboat there ricky steamboat. There's not one steamboat in steamboat colorado was ricky steamboat there
I don't know how that is professional wrestler from the 80s thomas the steamboat was there
Famous wrestling macho man randy savage and some of the most epic matches. Okay, kevin kellum. We're not ricky steamboat versus
Okay macho man. Okay marty de rosa often times considered the best technical
Match any time can you stop kevin kellan corner george george the animal steel?
Are you kevin kelly coran the fucking in the corner?
Macho man with elizabeth in his corner. I know who
Macho man randy savage is you know elizabeth. Yeah
Elizabeth
I
Love you
I always show that clip to my girlfriend
I haven't seen that
No, what I was saying is he proposes to his wife in the middle macho man proposed to his wife on live wrestling tv
People call me macho man. Oh, yeah a lot. Yeah, and whatever I want when you're hanging out with the ymca
No
With the uh, no, no, no, no an arcanobar people play macho
That's the same group. Yeah. Yeah, what's it called?
Uh the gay ymca guys. Yeah, they're not you know, I looked up recently on the wikipedia. They weren't all gay
It was like only a few of them are gay and it was really it was to it was for gay guys
Wasn't but they were kind of more like strippers, you know, like so that it was to attract gay guys. It was like, uh
They were like they were whoring themselves out as gay guys
Yeah, well, I never saw like the I forget what they're I never saw the music videos because they also do in the navy
I was telling drake about like how he's gay because they
Have a song in the navy
That's the same that's drake's favorite song
drake daverna the the song, uh
Even the song i'm coming out. Do you think that had anything to do with being gay when it was first made?
I don't know. Is that a guy who does that or a girl?
I feel like it didn't it's probably about like, uh, like i'm popping off on the scene kind of i'm getting out there
Yeah, i'm getting up people are kind of finding out about my music
I'm a musician gay people stole this black woman song about just like uh, just putting your music out
They also stole its reigning men which was for ladies to enjoy men, but now gay guys are enjoying men with it
Yeah, and that song, uh
Uh gay sex. I love gay sex and they stole that from a guy who wasn't gay. Yeah. Yeah
Ricky martin they stole that guy from yeah, he became gay
Okay, do you know living david aloka was originally living davida gay
It's about living a gay life
Living davida gayo, I think that's how you say in spanish gayo gayo now be something else you'd be I think it is
Homo i'm pretty sure it's gayo or homo
Homo maybe
Um homo is latin homo
Homo
They probably say homo says you well homo erectus
Scientists are you gay?
You came up the word for us all of us anthropologists all of us are gay is
Getting an erection for homos. Yeah, I'm pretty we all are. Yeah, i'm pretty sure every anthropologist
Or whoever came up with the word homo erectus. Yeah
Sounds gay. I'm i'm not that i'm not I guess i'm like some kind of monkey or something
I'll tell you what scientist I graduated with a bachelor's in liberal arts
And not sciences because I don't I don't believe in the homo erectus
Instead of so you didn't get a bs. You got a ba. Yeah, I I got I believe in homo
I never knew do I have a hetero erectus. Do I have a bs or a ba? How do you know?
I think it's normally a ba but the bs is a bachelor of science and a bachelor of arts
Um, normally the standard one is bachelor of arts. I mean if yours is like philosophy and shit
It's arts. I did philosophy and sociology sociology is a science. I think normally if so it's a bet so I did a science
I think I think normally a bachelor of science is when like you are majored if you think a full major in like uh,
Uh geology or like a science. I did social science that doesn't count. I have a four-year degree. That's not real science though. It's a well
They used to see it the liberal the uh the program I was in was liberal arts and social sciences
Yeah class last classic l-a-s-s last classic liberal liberal arts and social science
Can they just call it like?
Why they gotta call liberal arts? Why can't they just call it uh in the middle of the ground arts independent arts? Yeah, you know
How about republican arts?
That sounds honestly bad like just put your guys painting American flags
Republican arts that rule they're like painting portraits of George Washington and flags and like soldiers saluting
Yeah, or yeah, it's a conservative arts yeah the conservative arts no, I mean you would just be i'm in a conservative arts program republican arts program
Yeah, i was listening more dan carlin about uh about uh,
Communists and fascist more did you all right?
What do you did you come up with anything because I listened to that and then we were talking about it
And I couldn't remember. Well, both are like
Totalitarian they're both totalitarian end up being totalitarian. Well communism isn't meant to be but it always ends up being it right right right
And then basically fascism is meant to be totalitarian
Yeah, and it's also uh more based in nationalism
Nash that's what it was national and less based on a specific
Uh economic program it's pro business tends to be pro business. Am I right? Right?
But but which is different than communism, which is anti-business. Also all these but the thing that the problem is all these words can be
Just kind of change well over time people use them to mean all sorts of stuff
Right like hitler changed like what socialism was like a hundred times
Yeah, he called it that as propaganda to get socialist to like I know they weren't social which is even though
They're called national socialist party or whatever genius. Yeah, and he would uh, he would get bolsheviks
To either join his side or come and to get attacked by
Yeah, by using red on their like meeting you heard it here first folks Mac thinks hillers a genius
No, he was a genius of doing evil thing evil he says he's a genius of racial theory
He's an evil genius, uh, he was
but that's why
Everyone's like can you believe you know Volkswagen was a Nazi company and it's like yeah, he was pro business
He helped all these businesses like IBM and shit and they're doing great because right he was so pro business
And of course they come over here. It's like right. They were big powerful businesses that he favored and the main argument
I was having with you originally about
Trying to compare communism and fascism
Yeah, you can definitely compare them because those have been the main but he says they're different right like they're
No, you definitely can't be the same. Okay. That's what I was trying to the thing is communism hasn't
Is more economic and theory based?
Whereas in a fascism is kind of what the leaders of just dictatorship or the leaders
Yeah, and it goes and it's and it's a lot of nationalism about the country or about the race
Was I right saying?
Communism is far left fascism is far, right? Yeah. Yeah for sure. Yeah, okay, but they can both be populist
Yeah, right. They could both be totalitarian. Yeah. Yeah, but the thing is
But you would think that communism and capitalism would be the two opposite spectrum, right?
but I think just since we haven't seen like a
Empire that is
100% capitalist that and and like has like killed a bunch of people that it hasn't been in contention with these other things
Uh, well, wait a minute though. I don't think anyone's ever been a hundred percent communist or capitalist
There's always like well, what do you mean?
100% capitalist 100% capitalist is that there's zero absolutely zero regulation or taxing. Oh
On any I've heard people call like caveman times as like pure capitalism or something
Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think they call that pure communism
Because there was like well, you just eat your fill and then the next person would eat
It's from it like it the giraffe you killed or whatever in small groups things can work
Which is why I like democratic socialism what they call it that works in like
Finland, but it doesn't work in the massive place like the US, you know
It's just like it's one of those things where it can work in an area
That has a lot of people that all look the same and have the same they make the same amount of money all the time
They make the same amount of money and all of them. Yeah, but it doesn't work in a place like America
Well, I mean an armistice you could also point to though like some things that capitalism has led to which are horrible like course slavery
Yeah, yeah, like like so you can say, you know
capitalism can lead to some really bad, so if you deregulate like workers, they'll try and get slaves, but
If you don't make it a rule, there's also like like in communism
They'd also have like a caste system and there was definitely slavery and a lot of the communist regimes, too
Yeah, I don't know yeah, but I mean capitalism like the whole idea is to minimize cost. Yeah. Yeah, so here's a good way
Don't pay your work. Oh, I'm never it seems like it's like always gonna lead to slavery
I never I never thought that anything should be a hundred percent capital, right? Well, yeah, I'm just saying
I'm just trying we there are examples of communism being bad, but there are examples of capitalism
I'm saying is it like slave like like slavery in America. I'm saying is that
communism is in is an
Economic term that's the thing. So is so they're both economic terms. Yeah. Yeah communism socialism
Capitalism capitalism are where fascism is not an economic term, right?
That's that's where I was then there's of course that's that's hot or whatever the Sharia law
Well, that's different. Nobody ever talks about Sharia law. We should try that out. Yeah
I don't know what their economic system would be but that's a that's a theological
It's a ton of monarchy. It's a theocracy
Theocracy. Yes. Yeah, but normally those are monarchies but
Based on the also. Yeah, I guess that one. So the leader is the whatever there the man is long pope of the Islamic pope
Yeah, so they call him a
Pope ackbar King King Islam
Another guy named Islam in the UFC or like five guys named Islam
there's one guy named I think the Pope of
Muslim is a
Name is is is lamb
Chris is lamb. Yeah
It's funny that like I love those all the Muslim people named their kids Muhammad
and then
Somebody's like I'm gonna one-up you I'm not gonna name them just like the leader of our religion
I'm gonna call my son Islam the whole religion
He like it used to be called Muhammad or whatever. You're like fuck that
I'm going bigger than just the one guy in the religion Islam. My son's name is Islam. I'm gonna name my kid God
Yeah, that's sweet, but
sure for God free
Somebody used to have a joke about how they're there their their cousin named their kids Zeus
That's awesome. It's got a sick. That's very sick. Yeah in college. I was trying to say that I mean once I
Voted against Obama. I voted for Romney. Did you know I was Republican at that point? Oh
Still socially Democrat, but I was just like I don't need a bomber again
Oh, you that's you both do you vote for Obama once and then Romney the second time?
Yeah, that's interesting because I thought people hated Romney compared to McCain. I thought people like McCain more I
was
Coming out of my family is very
Democratic Evanston is like very Democrat like in general like an area. Well, they're all
They're like they're like
What's it mid middle?
Well middle yeah, but they act very but they're like, okay, so it depends the the Evanston is like their center left
Yeah, Evanston is like a third really rich
centrist and then a third middle class and then
Actually, probably probably
But they're like a bigger a bigger about there's rich liberals though. Well, I know there's a lot of them in Evanston
but they're all just like kind of
They're all just kind of faking it like me and neuro went to go see John Oliver at the Chicago Theatre
And it was all old rich liberals like we were the only young people and she was the only black person in the whole theater
Well, all they're doing is all white old rich liberals watching John Oliver. All they're doing is virtue signaling and
every every like the tax stuff they don't agree with it all but they
Do like it'll help people but like they're just they just pretend to be
That because it seems like when chance was my real estate agent. He would always talk about the
Evanston politics. Yeah of like same thing sort of but I just think it's funny that people from Evanston talk about that
Like with people who are not from Evanston because I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. I never go there
I don't want to go there. Yeah
But it's interesting to hear about I guess I like I'm interested in just like anything that anybody says
Yeah, you know, I was like, well, it's weird that people from I wouldn't tell you like, you know in Highland, Indiana
It's actually pretty Democrat. It's like the only Democrat part of Chicago of Indiana because everyone commutes to Chicago
And they're all it's basically like a suburb of Chicago
So it's like where I'm from actually all votes Democratic, even though the whole state it goes Republican every year
It's like the only it is where that I don't ever say that to people
It is really because I don't think anybody cares
But people from Evanston do think that people care and they'll tell like me that I've heard this before from not just you
Yeah, and then from other people from Evanston. I know a black person like you're black. You're important. We got
crazy segregation in Northwest, Indiana
I mean Chicago. I mean Chicago too. Yeah, we got the same thing Northwest. Indiana is like just just like Chicago like suburb
Yes, we got like towns that are for black people areas for black people and then white areas
Yeah, we got st. John which I think is the the richest area in all of Indiana and we have Gary within like
I'm within like 10 miles some I mean a lot of it is like
Purposefully or or like it Polish people started here. So a lot of Polox movement that area
Yeah, that's comes a Polish area some isn't on purpose. Obviously some people don't want to live in shitty neighborhoods
Yeah, a little bit of that
I mean it used to be very on purpose like redlining with the banks
They just have a map where they draw literally areas where they wouldn't give black people loans. They called it redlining
Really? Yeah. Yeah, that's a really famous. Well, but yeah more talking about like
Because I like it because of white flight Italians the Southside Irish and there's like there's just like every different neighborhood
Yes, you can you can say a race or you can say a type of white person that lives there. Yeah
I mean like literally in Chicago. It's like the expressway like is the dividing line
Yeah, like above the expressways white and below is all the other
Races like Hispanic neighborhoods your black neighbors. You're a hundred percent correct
I mean in that pretty easy line to draw if you're the bank. Yeah
Yeah, but but the bank wants to make money as as stuff moves cuz yeah cities grow populations grow
Just just like Cheerios. They start putting multiracial couples in their commercial
So how dumb are people that live in like on?
Coasts like New York or like
LA like like they have hurricanes
On the East Coast they can have like hurricane they could have our incredible below zero winters, you know
Yeah, but New York it's both. I'm just saying we don't have these
We have horrible weather here. Everyone complains about Chicago weather. I know but they have like tragedies
But we have just like generally bad weather that doesn't kill you
We do have the remember the polar apocalypse or whatever the fuck
Yeah, but that happened like a hundred cars were frozen to Lakeshore Drive. I had to work that day. I got off of work
Me and me and Jim lived in the most rat hole apartment
I didn't have an hour and our heat went out during that and I slept like a homeless person like a space heater all my blankets
My winter jacket on and I couldn't wait to go to work
And get on the train because the train had heat I like I like lived like a homeless guy for like three days
Like we had no heat in our apartment during like the polar vortex
I did drive an hour and a half up to like walking area to work
Yeah, I was like, yeah
I drove to my mom's house where heat went out during one of the because what happens is everyone's heaters kick on and they break
Because it's like colder. They've never been pushed that hard
Like literally everyone's heaters break
So I've had a heater break during the polar vortex multiple years during the last one
I drove to my mom's house and also some idiots put it all the way like you don't want to do that
Yeah, yeah, well it hasn't what happened ours last time is it has a sensor so it senses how cold it is
It tries to overcompensate. Yeah. Yeah, so even if you just put it at a regular temperature
It's just like well, I'm gonna have to work this hard to get it to that temperature
I think if you and it breaks, I think if you hit it too much, I think it's still worse
I think it's like we had to work extra hard for you
You know what happened to ours is a bunch of ice melted and the sensor got wet and that's why I didn't turn on
I've had issues like that, but I drove to my mom's house
I remember thinking on the expressway like if my car breaks down and I'll probably freeze to death
It was so fucking cold out. It was really it was like painfully cold out
I remember my skin hurt after being outside for five minutes. What's up in high school?
We went to go party at my friend's house during a storm. This is when the song
Like a g6. Oh, yeah out and I remember that's I'm like getting slithered like yeah, let's get slithered in the blizzard
So what does it mean to be slithered? I don't remember that
Fucked up. Okay, so we just went to his house. I remember back in the day. We used to get retarded in here all the time
Every watch on the TV those eyes cars stuck on Lake Shore Drive and then
I got caught a snapshot there interviewing a guy his car window and
in traffic and it said man stuck on LSD
his eyes
Look at you. I mean his eyes look like you're stuck
Hell yeah, dude. You ever heard that song?
and they're
Driving north on Lake Shore Drive and tomorrow's another day. Have you ever heard the song Lake Shore Drive? It's about it's about acid
Shot town find it. No
They call I'm talking about acid thing. I'm related to what you were saying. I'm talking about cotton you asked. Yeah
He Jay-z goes heading down Lake Shore Drive
Have you ever heard you know talking about well, if you ever heard Rick Ross Reese's I
Was driving down Lake Shore Drive
And I was hanging out with my girl put a roof you gonna drink sheen, you know, yeah
Kermit did that to miss piggy
Yeah
Yeah, but just to get her to shut up right yeah, I'm as big a dude I showed Mike a picture of
Tracy Chapman
Tracy Chapman you know Tracy Chapman
That's great. You got a fast car. I want it to get into anywhere
But it's funny when Tracy Chapman came out with that song. She looked just like Michael Robinson
So so Michael he always says on stage like he was a young whoopie Goldberg
He's like he should say
Like people tell me okay young whoopie Goldberg
Tracy Chapman
He should add your tree Nura Nura had her hair and she was wearing like a big t-shirt the other day
And I said I said you look like whoopie Goldberg because she was wearing like a baggy t-shirt and had dreads and she got very
Mad at me. She almost started crying and I was like not your face just your hair in your shirt
I'm like Jesus Christ. You don't look like her. Also. I looked up some young pictures of whoopie Goldberg
She didn't look that bad back in the day. Okay, like she looked okay like
People say that but no she looked okay. She looked okay. We'll research this after
like a poll
People need to leave whoopie Goldberg alone, man. She's cool. She made Ted Danson where blackface that's cool. She's Jewish
Yeah, Jewish, I guess who's Ted Danson again some actor guy
I didn't show you the blackface picture Ted and a CMO
No ten dancing man
No ten dancing man and then the tiny Ted tiny dancer. I heard this joke Dan the CMO is doing it's he says
I don't really like doing the
I do I doing the standing 69. Uh-huh with my non-binary partner
But they're really small. Yeah, they hold me upside down if we can
It's hard to tell if to add the really small part cuz it's not that good of like
Me and my non-binary partner always
Me and my non-binary partner always argue who's holding who during the standing 69. This is an actual joke
This is an actual new joke whenever I do a standing 69 with my non-binary partner, and I'm non-binary
We always argue who should be the one holding
That's true
Because normally it's the guys job, but we don't have a or there's no guy or like manners like holding the door
We always argue hold the door for each other we can't go in we're both trying to hold the door
Yeah, what are some of the things men have to do non-binary couples who they're in trouble who pays all the bills?
Yeah, it's like we argue like who buys dinner. Yeah. Yeah who has to kill the spider. Yeah, you know
No, it's a so I didn't see most in this joke it was
Me and my non-binary partner Adam Gilbert
We like to do standing 69
It's always really funny seeing and Gilbert hold me up. We're doing yeah, that's good
Here's the one thing about though being in a very it reminds me of binary a little bit of a same talent joke though
The good thing about being a non-binary couple though is there's always a good date night if you go bowling because we got the they love the shoes
They love the bowling. Oh issues non-binary people because they're they're genderless
Are they always yeah when you ever rent shoes at a bowling alley?
Yeah, I don't know if they're yeah ever you go everyone gets the same weird-looking shoes
They're also they look like shoes that a non-binary person would pick out style it like their style
I actually go to so the bowling alleys I go to actually have you know bigger selection
women's men's
That's pretty good. Yeah, I'm gonna give this joke to Sam T
Which holds who during a non-binary standing 69?
I give it to him and then but say it say say I have the best joke ever
Uh-huh, there's a catch though. What you gotta come back on it
or
I
Don't think we can get him again. I think he's I don't I don't think we need to have him again
We need to have London. I want London for sure. Let's kill London
I think he would do it
But he would never be here without Sam and then he would just be hanging out with Sam the whole time and he would never
Come here
He would never there for an hour. They're like uh, uh, inseparable with the hip which makes them not fit in any room
They're too big. They're both too big to be not Sam Sam can hang out in my condo and watch watch
my
600 pound life, huh?
He's like I feel like I relate to this. Yeah
He looks like a fat Nebuchadnezzar. I got 80 foot tall so
I want to say this about Dan dosimo. I did a joke at beer belly that I was working on and I kind of gave up on
But now I'm mad because Dan has found a different version of the joke that works
So yeah, okay. My joke was about how Kevin Hart is in too many movies
Did you did you did you give this to him officially? I never gave this to him. We never even talked about it
I just tried it beer belly didn't really work
Oh folks
But the joke is about Kevin Hart how he's in too many movies and I said if I was Kevin Hart
I wouldn't fear dying. I would fear living forever because I don't know how you tell where you are
You're just in movies every day. You're acting as the same person commercials
Yeah, as that's Dan's joke Dan's joke is like Kevin Hart is in so many commercials
I don't even you could but you could only buy like Kevin Hart
Recommended products and live your whole life or whatever
He has some joke about Kevin Hart being in too many commercials
And he did after I was doing one about him being in too many commercials
And he did after I was doing one about him being in too many movies
I think that's kind of a bigoted joke by Dan by the way about it's bigoted
Yeah, because I mean do you not think that black people deserve all the opportunities they should?
Be able to have what Dan said the problem is he's like he's doing commercials for Israel and Palestine now
And you don't even know what to do. Well you donate to both. Okay. Yeah, just keep the war going
Yeah, well, no, I mean if you're doing to one you have done it to the other and you got to donate to at least one
Yeah, but then it looks like you're on this one side if you don't want to get done
I just give them whatever money I have left after I give a lot to Taliban. Yeah, as I donate to the tell
That's my favorite my favorite cause that's my favorite band. I donate to the having the Taliban kill dogs
So I I've been donating a lot of money tell kid and it's the Taliban so that they so they kill pit bulls
I'm not saying stop in a narrow way. I'm saying that to YouTube
I forgot where I thought the other one was for YouTube
Will do both
Wait, can I you're not allowed to talk about this on YouTube?
I don't know is it donating to that
Like I don't know you got to break a few dogs to make a dog sandwich
Is it is that a
Stalin original you had a break a few eggs and make an omelet. I don't know because I didn't know I even know Stalin was related to that
I think that's his I've heard the phrase a bunch obviously if you invented that that's real
There's a lot of egg phrases. There's like eggs in a basket. You put all your eggs in one basket. You have a nest egg you have
Break a few eggs make omelet egg lord egg lord. Yeah
This is there's multiple egg with it. Don't count your eggs before they hatch. Yeah, that's what there's a lot of a game chicken
The egg. Yeah, what came first chicken or the egg? We have a lot of egg
Well, what what what's a what's that? What's the egg about that? What's what that I'm getting a walking on egg shells
Yeah, don't egg me on egg me on. Yeah
Brian egg don't don't egg on me. That's what I always say to somebody who's masturbating don't let any of that egg get on me. Yeah
Yoking it in the car in the bus. Yeah
When I'm hanging out with Blake, I don't feel like I'm walking on sunshine if we're walking on eggshells
Yeah, and that makes me even more nervous because I don't think Blake would like his head stepped on
You know who's never walked on sunshine who Dale? No, right?
Mean for that what if he walks across squish it if he walked across a rainbow who just shatter
Broke the goddamn rainbow
Eric West at power hour yesterday said something nobody laughed. It was one of the funniest things I ever heard is
That he loves rainbows and he used to be in the Navy and he was at the helm of the boat
And they saw a rainbow out over the ocean and he said we're driving through the end of that rainbow and he's like I drove
That American warship through the end of a rainbow
He's like, you know what happens when you get to the end of a rainbow it's raining
That was that everyone was just mad at me is that what it is is that is it just two storms?
I have no idea
I've always wondered what it is. I don't know shit about rain. This is a gay shit. What do I look like? Yeah rollerblader
I'm pretty well
I'm gonna have to edit that out
Get demonetized a lot of rollerbladers algorithm. Yeah, that is true
Rollerbladers love watching YouTube, but okay. So if they ended up in rain
At the end of the rainbow is a true story. Yeah, supposedly
Okay, so it must be told it kind of out of nowhere because john hickok was the drinker
You should have came through john hickok was the drinker. Oh, really? Yeah, it was good one
He didn't tell me because I was bullying. I think he said he was avoiding you because you've been pressuring him to buy insurance
No, no, no
Not even insurance or something zero investments. I'm telling him to open up her retirement accounts. I've been idiot
I always pictured john as an old man with like a bunch of kids in a mansion and he's like
He's like he becomes old money for
shooting guns on YouTube
Like his family our family our family made all their money shooting guns on YouTube
That's how we got our start. We invented shooting guns on YouTube
And now we're old rich people. Yeah, he's so dumb the guy
Does no all I told him to do is invest in a Roth IRA, which is tax-free growth retirement account
He said I'll invest in the IRA
in the in ireland
Republican army. Yeah
But yeah funding a terrorist group
I mean, okay, just like me so this is what's gonna happen. Just like i've been donating to his dad's not gonna live
You know who to do you know what his dad's not gonna live forever. Okay
John's gonna be the face of that. No, his dad's way cooler
His channel honestly, they both are seem so awkward. I can't believe how famous they are
Have you ever watched their hickok 45 videos? No, but his dad they're both kind of awkward. It's like a cute
Old awkward kind of you know i'm saying but do you think that uh, I feel like guys watch his channel though
So he's gonna be cute. Well, like it's just like an old guy. It's funny. That's an old guy doing it. Yeah, he's like
But when he dies, i'm sure all his people who like him are probably getting close to dying too
Yeah, I feel like it's a bunch of old guys. Yeah, so john is john's got to start a new generation
Yeah, he's a new generation. Yeah, he's a new generation
Yeah, it's probably will take a massive nose dive. Yeah, but maybe not
I mean it will go downhill. It'll change for sure unless he but he might be able to make it into something new
Well, I think that's what he's trying to do
He's not trying to do it. He's not trying to do it. He's trying to do it
And what's his dad doing now? He's gonna be dying. That's what he's trying to do
change for sure unless he but he might be able to make it into something new
the wife and that's what he's he's trying to do stand up but he probably
makes 20 bucks I think he's doing fine he's great to stand up by the way his
great at stand up and I also think he doesn't but he's not think he needs a
lot well I don't think he needs a lot in life yeah no all I'm saying I think he
just blows money cuz he has it yeah I don't think he I think he's like
whatever I'm saying is kind of a weird guy yeah he is a very weird guy I'm just
saying it's dumb for him oh my god is he in love with Junior Sopka like you were
saying that joke for a while but Junior came to beer to power hour it's and my
god John was like oh the he was saying on stage as the drinker the best
comedian in the world is here and and everyone's kind of being like okay
you're kind of ruining these other people's sets who are supposed to be
going up because you keep on like it's Tom Chang's turn and you keep talking
about Junior stop good drink Tom I wonder I wonder if Junior likes him or
not I think they're fine I think they're but he's like so I don't think they I
don't think John could really talk to him like interpersonal because he's like
too much gravitas for us they see scared to talk to him in person I think he's
he he did I did see him talk to Junior like I'm gonna hit you up I got your
number I think I introduced him to Junior one time and Junior doesn't Junior
like doesn't like me that much they mean Junior are fine to hang out but like
yeah he's not a fan of me I don't really know I like Junior a lot I'm always a
little nervous to hang out with him but also he's always drinking and I'm not
yeah yeah he's just punch me in the arm at North Bar she's serving shoulder pads
yeah whatever would Junior I like to put on a lot of padding I'm Drake I'm like a
hockey goalie you asked the borough Scott oh you're drinking tonight Junior
hold on let me go out to my car I just gotta get some pads out of the trunk I
was talking to Scott darling the other day oh really yeah how's he doing
interesting I haven't seen him in a long time I think he's a what's he what's he
doing is he still doing stand-up or is he he gone be is he gone beyond the
Chicago scene I feel like he he got rejected in a similar way as his opener
Brian Rowe and then he sort of moved on to like a bigger or different like way
of doing stand-up I don't know what he's doing like he was opening for some guy
I'll hang out with him outside of comedy time and one thing I noticed is that he
was like I don't think he was willing to fail at stand-up you know what I mean
yeah I mean like he was he was new and he doesn't want to be bad he just wants
to just be good automatically and he came on here and claimed that he didn't
mind like paying his dues but I don't think but wants to pay his dues but
after so much time when you're a millionaire why would you want to pay
dues you don't need to he thought that he thought that by now probably he'd be
more yeah I see a lot of people do that's why people quit like after a year
to people that people that I was gonna quit like six months in I'll be honest
you haven't been going to a lot of mics and stuff what are you doing well I
didn't I didn't you're you teetering on the edge it feels like you got one foot
out when you do that just with I just haven't been writing much and I don't
know why haven't you been writing much I just haven't been writing out many full
jokes I just have like some premises okay but now I'm not out of comedy I
mean I just I mean I know you do the podcast so it's calm yeah I mean this is
but stand up itself well stand-up is kind of gay you have to stand up I mean
stand-up sucks stand-up is a bad thing to go into it's not good for anybody
yes well here's an annoying thing about stand-up too is I talked to these other
stand-ups and they act like I'm not doing anything because I don't do as much
as them but all they do is go to stand-up shows and local shows it's like
you're not doing anything either this isn't helping you get anywhere also yeah
why are you acting like I'm doing I'm writing a thing I'm doing a podcast I do
a bunch of stuff people think I'm not doing anything just because I don't do
the stuff they do this is the max sword Brian Rowe argument when I kind of was I
was doing Mike still too just not as many what is max so rich argument what
do you mean like usually you don't even do comedy at that point I was doing my
well they think stand-up is all the comedy yeah well they think I think you
do have to do stand-up too it's like though you need to find a way to get a
connection to new people well there's a like if you do a podcast you're never
gonna meet new people oh you're totally right now you need to like do something
well I well my my issue was I was I was a hermit because I was studying for my
shit yeah and then now I'm building my shit yeah and I was I mean just when you
you do something that forces you to stay in and not do stand-up it's hard to get
back in the habit like after quarantine I didn't want to start going out again I
was like I've been sitting at home quarantine something I never want to be
is quarantined yeah you can't get corn yeah dude if any any restaurant that I
go to or any place that's not playing corn yeah they don't something takes a
part of me yeah place like that yeah so they don't get my business yeah I
freak out like a freak on a leash in there for real and something takes a
part I kind of come undone and I just I just sprint out of there and my adidas
yeah all day I drew about sex and then I have to go back home and then order door
dash yeah corn dash corn dash yeah oh I was gonna ask if they had corn pizza
ooh I've had that before I'm gonna ask I had a low taste pizza I'm gonna you know
a low taste I'm gonna ask professor pizza and then except when he comes on
they have it it exists really yeah low taste pizza has corn on it you know a
low taste they have a low taste pizza what about goodbye taste cheese and corn
about goodbye taste hello hello taste elo taste goodbye days and it kills you
also elo is a I know the chess system of points I know hello yeah how I'm saying
do you know that I know that I think I did know that I don't know that hello
it's actually named after a guy named elo actually came from I thought it was
an acronym for no no it came from parts the Caribbean when they say I love
it in the little crack of this closet and I say it's Keira Knightley all I
remember is the guys got he's like got Ursula's his chid you know what the
people all the pirates on the on the black pearl yeah they all kind of
remind me of the people that live in Brandon Kiefer's house yeah that's right
yeah that makes sense to me they're all just like gross smell bad I think and
Brandon is the fucking the fucking captain I guess he's a captain yeah he's
so small though um good bar but I'm just trying to like I can't I've never seen
this movie I saw I saw Pirates of the Caribbean Caribbean 3 at a drive-in
theater where I was hanging out my friends and barely watching we were like
sitting in the back of a truck talking the whole time and you're making out your
dude friends no I was in high school and making out making no girls were like
talking to girls back then what was his name I go hey girls yes what's up
nothing much I say what to do say I say you guys want to call Mike Jones he's
been putting his phone number out that's the kind of shit we did in high school
you say this I talked to girls hey how's it how's the day it'd be like let's call
Brett Mark Cusick and see if he'll bring us a pizza when he gets off work
let's go drag Bartusi because he worked it he worked at house of pizza I wonder
if I can call somebody from here so Pirates of the Caribbean Johnny Depp he's
plays a pirate as we know pirates are kind of mean guys they steal about
Somali Empire they steal music they're mean too I'm pretty mean I steal a lot
of movies I'm a pirate myself and Adam at his pool I gotta go pee and well you
were talking about something oh I was like Amber heard is sue and Johnny Depp
for being a bad drunken partner she married a pirate what do you expect I
didn't think didn't think that one through did you amber heard yep you are
you you're like oh my god my my husband is so abusive my husband the pirate are
you listening to yourself right now can you amber heard what you're saying yeah
if you heard what you're saying out of your own mouth you said all these ever
heard during that time yeah did you say I was on stage or no maybe you should
have because they were very funny I was doing some local I would do some topical
humor at that time I had a whole bit about a you know how I think Jada
Pinkett Smith should just wear a wig and shut the hell up the miss heard one is
black woman wear wigs all the time why you don't have to be bald Jada Pinkett
Smith yeah the the miss heard one is like yeah the the lawyers like miss heard
she's like what you can't hear me miss heard I don't remember that you miss
heard what I said miss heard I for some reason while I was working from home
watched like a guy break down the whole trial so I was like obsessed with the
amber heard Johnny Depp trial is a waste of time you're a girl dude what are you
talking about why does that make me a girl that's what girls do what what
do that I like a drama you know Johnny Depp is like a cool remember Johnny
Depp you don't like Johnny Depp this is gear than what you claim
rollerblading it is not gay this is ten times gayer than liking rollerblading
this is Taylor made for I've never even seen the Pirates of the Caribbean 1
which you've seen that's for do you're that's a good so good shit what's for
girls in this the the the drama of amber heard but don't you want to know if
Johnny Depp hitter that's for do I'll see I'll look at the highlights punching
women is for guys now you're you're you're flipping this this is strawman
argument I like true crime I was hope you know this is amber heard supposedly
through a bottle at Johnny Depp that cut off at one of his fingers okay so that's
cool already then the highlights yeah but you're a girl because that's what girls
do it was when I was really into psychology and I want to know their
psychological breakdowns also because I think amber hurt his borderline
personality disorder and I'm gonna have to look into your past and see if you
were a rollerblader you know Johnny Depp had a tattoo it says why no but it
actually used to say what when Oh no no why didn't you just make a vino well he
changed Winona to why no I know but he could have changed it I guess he
couldn't change the w2 of V yes that's like why it's easier to just cover up
the NA though something Johnny Depp has never known being in NA he's got a huge
drug problem it's a good place to be he needs to go well Mike Robinson wants to
deal with him he said I'll go yeah let's do it I mean do I have to quit oh no
can I shoot up it yeah we have to do a lot of heroin and then go but if you
know who the heroine of that trial was amber heard yeah you watched too many
that's what they call you when you're a female hero yeah in a movie I want to
look at the percentages of male to female that were following that trial
there was a bunch of you know I bet you watch like when the internet was full of
dudes defending Johnny Depp as like bro you know there was like this is false
allegations of a woman bringing down a man there's like a lot of alt-right
people defending Johnny Depp well there was a lot of dudes who are into it and
there was a lot of liberals who are like no getting canceled is actually more of
a liberal versus alt-right sort of thing going on on the internet during this time
I love getting into that type of see maybe it's not so gay I'm joking that's
the worst thing in the world it's not gay though it's gay is he streams for
it's for people who are into January 6 and Black Lives Matters it's those people
not in either it's like Ben Shapiro prize an opinion of this I was there
January 5th nobody even caught me whoo that was a good time no lines at the
gift shop yeah I dressed up as an injured stuck in yeah your wiretie well
made out of quasi you the wiretie guy no I was the wiretie guy made out of
quasi went but he couldn't fit through the window yeah imagine Adam quasi
dressed up like a ninja that's kind of funny yeah like him with like a sword
and everything he'd be Beverly Hills ninja you would be I'd kind of like to
cut off his arms and legs and kind of like use him as like you know those
bowling ball like when you're a kid those balls like you jump up and down on
you so yeah yeah and then just kind of don't you call those jump around on one
of those you know yeah I like to do that in Kwaslow yeah I think you could take
Harry Brighton or and use him as a jump rope yeah so skinny mm-hmm and Edison
what do you do Edison Rex yeah he could be a bones we make oh we make cool
cane you could roll Adam and use Edison Rex as your stick and he could be like
your hoop and stick yeah cuz Edison Rex is just bones other brittle bones
probably yeah I'm guessing they're brittle yeah he's like a bird he's like
a brittle he looks like carrot tops skeleton yeah like like who's just care
tops hair and bones right he's like he's like if if Tommy not Tommy Pickles if
Chucky yeah from Rugrats didn't grow up to be cool and funny like carrot top and
just became a good heroin at junkie pretty bad comedian and gun to be so
the way yeah he fucked up getting into a beef with the spy I got my money on
Harry's five or spy all right folks well we're gonna close up on that spy versus
spy if you want to know why Harry Brighton is a spy you'll hear about it on
patreon yeah you can hear about it in a million past episodes around comm slash
bad comedy patreon.com slash bad comedy and we almost forgot cool steeper club
it's our tea subscription service club comm yep 25% off with promo code bad
comedy it's somewhere between 20% off and 80% off just type it in you'll
figure 25% off or more or less probably more I hope it's not less because I
think you can get 20% off for no reason well guess what this is an extra 5% so
if you use the 20% you're dumb please don't use that use the bad comedy once
we get credit for it we'll get money yeah we'll get like not much money
probably we'll get money also well what do you like about it I love the tea I
drink it all the time I know I like how easy it is because you just put the tea
in the pitcher overnight and then you got caffeine in the morning I'm a
caffeine in the morning guy well what I say is and it's cool it's nice cool
co-brew tea you don't got to do anything so like your coffee set up you got to
get the rig and the heat and the water and make sure it's all set up just put
in the fridge and forget it for you set it and forget it it's a but the tea in
this deeper club and steeper love but the tea in the steeper tea is cold outside
my like so my favorite steeper club I like the Kenyan black the Barack Obama
and the cranberry Kenyan black because it tastes just like a cranberry
Barack Obama I'm asking for him to get a cheeto orange tea so it's like the
Trump oh yeah oh you should use the Kenyan black reminds me of Obama how
about a cheeto white yes sure I did want to say one last they do have white
cheddar cheetos which are good yes true how come like dumb far right and far
left mostly far left I think like get really good vocabulary when when
there's like something going on they go to college to get more knowledge or like
like unprecedented they drink during a crove during the crove crisis everyone
use the word unprecedented oh yeah an unprecedented amount of times it was
during what did this happen during crove crove it croveed cro oh yeah during that
crow verse Wade crovers way yeah during crove eat now during during crovers
great great during the viral video in 2020 uh-huh they got the viral video
sick yes the VHS I know but then also like people called I call it the dirty
VHS people were calling a Donald Trump a demogorgon like strange things yeah
demogorgon yeah they're like he's a gorgon evil demogorgon a demogorgon
it's demagogue demogorgon demogorgon is a race of sounds like an alien yeah now
it's like these evil like monsters from the under from the upside down so the
demogorgons is that from um but it's stranger things I've never seen
strange I'm trying to come up with a job to connect demagogue and demogorgon you
know you know what the real stranger thing is with stranger things was
Drake messaging that young girl from stranger things that was a stranger
thing than the stranger things yeah and she Billy Bobby Brown's text message
thread with Drake and she had a buzz cut so I mean chances were she had cancer
and he was trying to hit on her so how old was she 11 yeah 11 teen that was her
name yeah wasn't it I never seen the show Billy Bob Billy Bob Billy but yeah
I'm saying Drake's hitting on Billy Bob Thornton when he was 11 yeah say Drake
how old are you yeah what the hell how did Drake hit on Billy Bob Thornton when
he was 11 I thought Billy Bob Thornton was older than Drake yeah Billy Bob
Thornton was 11 that how old was Drake negative yeah they say black don't crack
but Jewish do crack so we gotta figure out what's going on with you Drake yeah
they say Jewish squish black don't crack but the Jewish squish Jewish cracks for
sure Jewish squishes yeah Jewish people look old as hell when they're all yeah
that means 13% of he's gonna look so old Dan DeSimo is a great joke about Jewish
people oh yeah he said if they're really shape-shifters why are they all so ugly
I got John Hickok yesterday I forgot to tell you this I go me and John they're
friends even though we don't agree about every single point like John told me he
doesn't think little peoples have a soul because the soul wouldn't fit in the
little person but we're still friends and John we have different musical
preferences like I love like hip-hop we dig in an argument I'd be like I have
like I love like you know mostly mostly hip-hop and like a little bit of like
R&B he just loves the the Sons of Anarchy theme song dude we got an
argument if liking Metallica was gay and I was saying yeah Metallica's gay and
he's like you're gay I go I like rap and he goes raps gay and I go no black
people hate gay people and then Kaia goes no they don't I go I'm talking about
cool black people not like you Kai I'm talking about not like the black people
went to college yeah black people hate gay people and then we're talking
Jamaicans this was all during my set it was fucking insane
passing I think I sucked at dicks play Xbox oh no that's he said that is that
the cost I'm good on video games I guess funny ironic gave it but he could be
bisexual god damn I'd suck a dick to play Xbox right now yeah
hi almighty hi oh hi almighty is that like guys guys all in an almighty guys
all in me is it more like it people who come from Evanston love
Evanston so much they treat it like Evanston Almighty it is isn't that movie
Evan Almighty is that the sequel to Bruce Almighty I think is Bruce Bruce
Almighty I think Bruce Willis with ace Ventura guy Jim Carrey and he's God yeah
I actually love that movie and isn't Evan Almighty I think there was one with
Steve Carell maybe where he was in Noah oh I like that maybe yeah so like that I
tried to write a joke somebody told me it was Jamal Sanders joke about Noah
being like a school shooter like God was a school shooter and he told Noah don't
come to school tomorrow when he gave him the boat and then he shot everyone in the
world is like the same thing that's pretty good somebody told me Jamal does
that joke I was I was watching a Jamal joke and then I realized that it was
Hannibal Burris his whole essence oh my god you think Jamal still Hannibal's
essence someone I know does whoo who's that we'll talk about on patreon all
right patreon next week follow Jason at cool Jason Melton yeah that's me come to
my show on June 8th at the American Legion post the FDR post in Chicago we
got Donnie Townsend coming to town we got junior stock I'm gonna book some more
people and gonna have a band hopefully you should be really fun as a the opener
I'm trying to diversify it we got enough humans I'm trying to get some goldfish
and some I'm going for diversity of species I'll put my crap what is he
but I know I'm looking for diversity of species not race and I'm looking for a
golden retriever and goldfish Josie Josie we could have Josie I've seen her
act a little bit Harry right he's a fucking Harry Brightner is a translucent
fish or you could get Harry Brightner from the cave Harold Patrick's a lizard
Harold Patrick is a gecko so there you go
junior goes junior at power hour kept going I underneath that Harold is a man
he goes because he came up to me he goes hello sir you like Harold kind of talks
like an older person even though he's really young and I was just thinking the
whole time underneath that Harold is a gecko all right that's my plugs so his
show is actually an after-party from my birthday on June 3rd oh my birthday is
June 3rd huh yep birthday June 3rd probably gonna throw a rage or most of
you are not invited if you're a patron you're invited unless like you're a
weird like we're doing cream if I don't know you will try to bring hot chicks
you know yeah we'll be doing we're doing no rollerbladers allowed yeah we'll be
doing it's my son gay I'm trying to make it not sound demonetized we'll be doing
blizzy off glizzies yeah that sounds gay we maybe you you could do a big that
night you could do a big podcast we'll get microphones for everyone at the
party will be snow you get like a hundred people here and we'll mic them
all and record it all this what do you think we'll make a we'll make your
birthday party a big all-night podcast I figured it out I couldn't think of
anything more fun honestly that might be the worst idea if somebody edited they
would kill themselves I have a better way to phrase the the glizzy thing if
you want to snort coke off of a Glock we'll probably not be doing that because
that's illegal it's probably the gun part is legal the other part is the
list substance yeah but my coca-cola folks and follow me a bad boy comedy and
everything I'm gonna start posting some new content I'm gonna do a stand-up
prep maybe if you're gonna start coke off a gun don't you kind of want a rifle
so you could do a really long line yeah down the whole rifle yeah yeah but you
won't know what you want to do is get a bazooka and then make a big line on the
with the turret of a tank I just want to do it in the whole turret well you do is
you rip the turret you rip the yeah everything that's a turret that's the
barrel the barrel of a barrel yeah yeah I know you're talking about we rip that
off I have Tourette's and then make a giant line on the ground and use that as
a straw oh my god use it as a straw yeah you'd be able to get so much dude or or
rip a trunk trunk off an elephant I always felt jealous of Jewish guys who
do cocaine because they get to do the cocaine and they get to smell money
that's true you know yeah I can enjoy that I like to use it a one dollar bill
when I do blow some a humble guy yeah yeah bad boy comedy on all platforms
spider cancel Jason on twitch Jason Melton twitch I'll be a lovely canceling
Jason once I find the right stuff I screen record all of his twitches I have
them all too I could send them to you well I know I'm just finding the
cancellation parts oh yeah sure but I have the full raw episodes if you need
to like if you're missing stop trying to raw dog me that's weird no and what else
oh money that with that Mac I'll be posting more on there it's just advice on
your finances and if you want to be a client of mine I am I can do investments
and life insurance and save you on home and auto insurance and I have about two
million dollars assets under management already nice so no big deal people trust
me with their money you can trust me too this is not just you're not giving me
the money you're giving it to these big companies and the podcast will get a
piece and I'll do a free consultation 360 just DM me bad comedy with saying
that you want a free consultation it'll be free give me the L Jason nope that's
it for me thanks for coming on thank you for having me
Mac thanks for coming on you're welcome dude it's really been a pleasure I've
wanted to be on this one a little bit a long time and hey folks and really corn
reference what's like a line from corn song that's the one I thought of too I
was like okay all right so folks every podcast something in it takes a part of
me and I know that that we all were meant to be of you guys