Hey everybody, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. It's our own design and there's no going back.
I'm Mack and I'm here with Jason. What's good? What's good with it? Hey, what's cracking?
Homies. I watched bone tomahawk this week. It was good. I also was that a I don't know.
Hey, King Louis. Hey, King Louis. I have your sweater.
The movie bone tomahawk is where's the bone tomahawk? That's what they were using the
people. Well, I told you in high school that's what girls would call my wiener bone tomahawk.
Yeah, because I had it. I'm sorry. No, they called it bone Tony Hawk. It was like as cool
as Tony Hawk. Yeah, it was a boner. And you could have you could launch a ramp and then
have sex with her. Yeah. Yeah, I just want to watch. I don't want to do this podcast.
I just want to watch Rodney Mullen highlights. I just want to go to a bone tomahawk bar.
Yeah. Throw bone tomahawks into a remember how those bone tomahawk bars open all over
the city one summer? No, everyone would go bone tomahawk throwing.
Because if you've seen bone tomahawk, most gory movies you've ever seen in your life.
Yeah, it's pretty good. It's only gory. Oh, one part. Yeah. It's towards the end. Also
by the same director. Dry to cross concrete. Very good. Same director. I heard it's low
key like an alt right movie or something. I was reading some reviews that other people
were writing. They were like, at first I love this movie. And then I learned it's all like
a secret alt right like 4chan joke or something like that. And I'm like, I didn't look any
more into it because I like the movie. And I just did. I'm like, I'm going to like this
movie as not a right guy. I had a thought about Native Americans. Yeah, you don't address
this whole right thing. Well, no, what I wanted to say is, okay. So we were calling them we
were calling them like, like Indians, Native Americans, then indigenous people. And because
of Gen Z, we're calling them savages again, because savage is a cool word. It is cool.
Yeah. So it's like a savage. They're beast. They're beast mode. Yeah. Yeah. Like they're
they're, uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All the wokeness making us their hype. They're bringing us
back in time. Yeah. All these hype. I love your hype. Bees headdress. Yeah. So I was
thinking, I was thinking like it'd be funny to read back. I got it. I got a new Supreme
Wing cloth. It'd be so funny to read back on. Yeah, I was loud. Sorry, everyone. Read back
historical accounts of people talking about Native Americans. And they're like these like
reckless savage people. Reckless and savage, but you say it in a Gen Z voice. So you're
like, yeah, they were fucking wreck. Yeah. Savage. You should listen to the behind the
band beyond the bastards podcast. They're always like, they're like, generally, general
E Lee was a real jerk. Fam. Yeah. I'm not going to listen to that. I wanted the history
information. Well, that's going to ruin history podcast for me. They were too trying to placate
a people who are clearly younger than them. No, I just listened to the rest of history
and listen to British it's listen to British quips. Yeah. That ain't it chief. And then
also like the history they talk about how like the people with like smallpox blankets,
how they were sick. Yeah. If you read it and you'd be like that, they were sick. Yeah,
they were sick. Disease killed most of Native Americans, AKA they were sick. Yeah. So yeah,
these ideas keep popping into my head while I'm listening to history. My friend Casey
is a history comic. My friend Casey calls him. He's Ho Chunk. He's like active in the
tribes and stuff. He always called himself an American Indian. Yeah. Have you heard that
before? Yeah, yeah. I like I like American Indian because I like that like he's reminding
like reminding everyone, Hey, remember when you guys thought we were Indians? You stupid
ass dude. I think I think the Native Americans should go in on it like the way that black
people took the word back. They could be like, Yeah, we're Indians. Remember when you made
that word up white people? Yeah, I think it's 100. I'm sure like the OG like Indians, Native
Americans, whatever. I'm sure that they like hate all these like like BIPOC. Yeah. They
don't know. They don't like like the term BIPOC. Well, yeah, not after they all had small
pox. I'm sure they I'm sure some of them like I'm sure some of them like American Indian.
And that was the common term like in a in this is one song where Chris Christopherson
who is very left wing was like, I am an American Indian. My tribe is Cherokee. But that was
like what they were supposed to say. You know, well, I don't know. My friend Casey says it
today and he's active in the tribes like so he's like hanging out with a bunch of dudes
like that all the time. That's what he calls it. Some people prefer it. So I don't know
if that's that can't be wrong. Well, yeah, I mean, the all these words that these purple
hair fat women make up in Canada, they call them indigenous peoples. Yeah, like indigenous
peoples day. Yeah, yeah. So that's why I was saying that was one of their big thing because
they didn't have like slavery like us. They have the first people they call them. Oh yeah,
first nations, first nations. We both call them indigenous. They call them first nations.
Yeah, I call them indigent and gingivitis. And speaking of all this, I just want to
make an announcement that we're recording this podcast on stolen land. Yeah, we are.
So I just want to make that knowledge that under Ben Franklin's law. Yeah. Ben Franklin's
like a smart Dale. Yeah, he's a cool white guy. Oh, I did want to say that they'll have
a lot of orgies. Ben Franklin is like a sex guy. I don't know. Did you know that? Did
he think Uber Blacks? Yeah, yeah. No, I know. I know he got laid. Hello. He got a France
and get a bunch of Tang. Yeah. Yeah. He invented electricity in the bedroom. Nice. Yeah. He
definitely invented electricity. Yeah. It's not a fable. It's not a tail. Again, I have
no idea what he did. He didn't he put out a poll? I don't know. But how many names are
there for Native Americans? I don't know. We need one. We need one. Again, for everything,
we need to make them all one word. Call them feather and words. That is kind of how that
is kind of how when when Native Americans spoke English, they would talk like that.
Like, like one word for each thing pretty much kind of the way they would speak. Oh,
they would be like, is that just a thing where they don't know enough English sitting
bull? We go to land of buff of Buffalo. I mean, yeah, that would happen in movies. Is
that really how they would talk? Like old staccato like the majority of movies are like
that. True. No, but I'm all I'm saying is like, they do a lot of historical research.
I remember listening to this podcast about, you remember the Indian guy who cried in the
commercial? I remember the tight. He would cry because people were throwing trash on
the ground. No, you know, you do you know this old thing? Wait, he's like, Oh, stop
throwing trash on the ground. There's an old PSA anti littering. There's a weird thing
there is an Indian. Our parents generation was very anti littering because they had a
bunch of PSAs that were like anti littering like make sure all the garbage goes in the
garbage can litter. We learned we learned you got to recycle ours is recycling. There's
was littering and littering. I fucking love littering, by the way. That's I love going
to the dog track because it combines my two favorite things gambling and littering. Super
true. That's from littering and littering. I don't know that. The point is they had a
Native American guy and then there's like trash on the ground and he starts crying.
And that was the PSA like don't litter. The Simpsons made fun of it and shit. That's pretty
funny because they turned the whole Springfield into a garbage place. And then as they're
driving away, they drop something and the Native American guy starts crying. Yeah, he
turns around and he sees there's a giant mountain of garbage.
Pretty. Yeah. That's from super troopers. When he gets pulled over and he took a bunch
of mushrooms. They laid the mushrooms so the cops wouldn't see him. Yeah. And he threw
a bag of weed out the window and the cop pulled him over. He was like, you know why I pulled
you over? He's like, no, sir. And he was like, littering littering littering and littering
and I think he just kept saying it to fuck with it. They're fucking with the guys. Yeah,
that's classic. And he was like and smoking the reefer and he picked up the bag that the
guy thrown out the window. I had an idea for a show that was like a comedy show. It was
a long time ago. Idea for a comedy show where you just deliberately set it up to fuck with
people who are high. Yeah, you have like they don't know that's what it is. But then you
start having like images flash behind you and you start saying nonsense. That doesn't
make sense. Like halfway through our shows. Our show is a little bit like that or it has
been at points. No, no. I mean, like very deliberately very like. Yeah, yeah. But I
bring this idea. There there have been a lot of points like where people are like, what's
going on? What is this podcast? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, we're just trolls in general.
But this is like to troll people on drugs. You kind of look like a troll. I get a fuck
you like a real life one. I don't know what trolls look like. I'm not into Lord of Rings
like you. Yeah. So the movie Predator. Yeah, I thought of this joke. But then I realized
that Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't play Predator, right? No, he's the hot predator. Yeah, it's
the classic Frankenstein Frankenstein's monster to learn. His parents, he bears. You know
how people think it's Frankenstein, but it's the Frankenstein's monster. Yeah, it's like
people always think that Predator is Arnold Schwarzenegger, but it's actually Arnold
Schwarzenegger's predator. Well, my joke was like my joke was like, for all of you people
that think Joe Biden is a good person, do you not remember when on the Congress floor,
he called black people super predators? Do you guys remember that? I remember that. Yeah.
He really thinks that a black person can play Predator better than Arnold Schwarzenegger,
a white guy. If you see predator to Donald Glover or Danny Glover, that's my misdirect
where I seem like I'm woke. And then it turns out I'm racist and I think no black guy could
ever be as good as good as good of a predator. Carl Weathers is in that movie. Carl Weathers
press in peace, right? Yeah, press in peace to remember the scene where Arnold Schwarzenegger
meets up with him and they I've I've been seen it. Oh God, you got to watch Predator,
dude. Yeah, I was always wanted a predator shirt, but it says predator on it. Yeah. Like
a like a like you want to kidnap a child or I could be like, yeah, yeah, black people
are super predators. Ever heard of a Jeffrey Dahmer? Yeah. Yeah. Ever heard of a real
super predator ever heard of Jeff Asmus? Yeah. Yeah. Jeff. Yeah. Jeff Asma also is famous
from Instagram. You might have seen him on Instagram in a clip. Yeah. My brother actually
showed me a clip of Jeff Asmus. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Brother that lives in Colorado. Yeah.
I told him that guy actually is into kids and stop sharing that stuff around before the
news comes out. Yeah. Because if they see you sharing that guy, you shared a clip with
me of yeah, hear the news. The FBI knocks my brother's door. Do you know this? Not on
the door of everyone who shared the Jeff Asmus clip. Jeff Asma. Predator rocks. Yeah. So
I have a confession. Go ahead. Hold on. Get ahead with it. Okay, cool. Well, oh wait.
I just want to turn my as matter but I'm turning my three off and not plugged in either way.
And what a weird confession. No, that's not my confession. Well, I don't have time for
anymore. So I guess I say for the confession. I relapsed on epoxy. What the fuck? I was
wondering where your table was. I showed up. The table was gone. All right. So what's going
on? It's in the works. You want to talk about it? Yeah. I ordered more epoxy and I'm redoing
the surface of that table because it fucked up. You think it's fucked up? Well, because
it wasn't it wasn't done right. Because you got to with epoxy. I mean, tell me about it,
bro. I don't know the way. Well, I know is that you can chip your teeth. Yeah, guys.
If you don't know what epoxy is, it's that clear stuff that you put on things and it
hardens. And basically just is a hard shell surface. But you can also chip your tooth
on a tool if you use it to try to chip it off the tool. What is the epoxy tool? Well,
it was the the mixer. I use the spinner. Okay. Yeah, you sit and spinner. Yeah, the fidget
spinner, the fidget spinner. So use a fidget spinner. No, but I have this table. It's like
an older table. And it was like chipping off, but it looks cool. So I want to put epoxy over
it so it wouldn't get further damaged. But it's still look cool. But I keep messing it
up and it dries in like 20 minutes. So if you don't spread it evenly and correctly,
then you're just fucking to stand stand over it and pretty much start over. I heard some
of these words. One of them was spread. One of them was spin. I'm just saying, I'm saying
if you pour those, that's what I got. If you pour the epoxy on wrong, I would you see me.
I was doing something with the lighter. If you pour it. All I'm saying is no, you don't
have to. It's a tough skill. And instead of looking up how to do it like well, I just
did trial by error a hundred times. So what do we have to do to fix this? We have to take
you to rehab. Yeah, I mean, some people are like, I'm addicted to the oxy. You know the
worst part about epoxy rehab, you're stuck there. Yeah. This very triggering. Dude,
I mean, if I can get into this Lake Villa rehab, then free epoxy rehab, then I'll go
to the lake villa. Lake villa. Yeah. There's a nice rehab out there. But yeah, I don't
know why I don't know why I know that. I did a show out there at the Terminus Theater
as a guy who does. He used to do movie props. He's like a bunch of cool movie props. Shout
out to Drake DeVerno when I was he was helping me move into my place. There's this one little
weird spot in my place where it doesn't look like anything would fit. And he goes, you
know, good, good here is a movie prop. He recommended I get a movie prop to put in this
one weird space in my apartment that are my condo that doesn't like fit anything. You
know, like a giant statue of fucking Indiana Jones or something. Was it a dumb idea or
a good idea? It was a great idea that my girlfriend will never let me do. What about what about
like a wax statue from a wax something like Dr. Evil like Dr. Evil? That was that's exactly
what he's talking about. So we went online and we looked up movie props for like an hour
or fab Astrid. I want to get the thing from the thing, you know, the thing, the clown.
No, no, not from thing, not from it. From the thing. It is. Here's the. It's the thing.
I'm not trying to get it. I'm trying to get the thing. Here's the thing. Yeah. They could
have come up with way better. Like that's the most. Actually, I love those movies because
they made so basic. I mean, two of the greatest movies of all time. It and thing. Yeah, those
are great names for things because they're basic. You know what I like about the movie,
the thing? No women. Yeah, there are no women in the movie. I am going to they made a remake
with women. Yeah, big mistake. Yeah, I never saw the thing. I don't think what's what is
the thing? They're John Carpenter movie. They're it's his they're in Antarctica and they find
it really old. They find this thing. It's from the 80s. Okay. It's sick, dude. I don't like
that. That's too far back for me. It's sick. It's one of the best movies ever. I like to
watch like a Gone with the Wind. That's not too far back for you. No, no, no, no. I only
go like that far back only to the 50s. Yeah. Not the 80s. This is cool. I think it's called
like the missile missile toe shows. Mr. Mr shows minstrel shows. Oh, whoa. No, no. I
watch the Christmas movies. Oh, yeah. Geez. Is that you watch minstrel toe? That sounds
fun. Now that sounds fucked up. Yeah. I just thought of a fucked up idea. They find this
thing. Well, a dog shows up actually what happens is a dog shows up and then there's two Norwegian
guys trying to kill the dog in a helicopter and they're like what the fuck. And they just
put the dog in with the other dogs and all the dogs start freaking out. Turns out it's
like a shape shifting alien. And it starts turning into them and shit. It's sick, dude.
It's well it turns out at the end of it that he's a shape shifting entity. He is a big spider.
Yeah. But I have a good idea for a sketch. People are sitting around watching the movie
The Thing. Yep. And then Robon's watching it there and he says here's the thing. That'd
be pretty good. Here's the thing. Yeah. How about everyone's looking for the DVD? They
can't find it but it's the movie everyone wants to watch. Here's the thing. And Robon
finds it. Here's the thing. And they say thank you so much, Robon. Don't worry about it.
Yeah. Don't worry about it. All right. There you go. Robon. Also, Robon, you're not listening
right now. I can almost guarantee it. But if you are, you need to find that police video
of you roasting the cops. They'll have it. I told you. I'll text you after this, Robon.
You'll have to do it for him. Otherwise, it ain't going to happen.
Oh, I was going to call John Hickok about something, but I forgot what it was.
That's great. Another segment where John Hickok doesn't pick up while we're doing
the, oh, no, it was going to be if Sahar came on. Oh, okay. So how are we supposed to come
on with Saurabh Bader baby? She has canceled on us like five times. Say, Saurabh, I hope
you're listening. Saurabh Bader baby. Yeah. So Rob, check it out. I actually wore this shirt today.
You know, everyone's wearing George Floyd shirts. This is a Saurabh Memorial shirt.
He's going to sit on you. All these chairs that he killed, say their names. Saurabh,
if you come on the podcast, we'll stop making fun of you. We should ask him again. Well, yeah,
I think, I think he is not like he's not saying no on purpose because it doesn't look like a pussy,
but he's scared to come on. I mean, I think he has been legitimately pretty busy. Yeah, I know,
but I think he's the kind of guy who like, isn't that funny offstage, you know, he is.
He could riff. That's not what I've heard from several sources that I can't who use sources.
Paywall. He's no Aaron Putnam, our guest from the Patreon. Wait, wait. Are we not supposed
to spoil that? It's not him. It's Brad Sneasman. Oh, we have Brad Sneasman. Yeah. Well, that's a
good guest. He's going to teach us what to tell us where to buy likes. Is it from Saurabh? We already
know. We should have Saurabh on to tell us where to buy likes. That's true. Well, so
this is some bad comedy lore. Yeah. So just so you guys know, Brad Kaufman, who has a lot of likes.
So we'll ask Brad his strategy of how he kind of spreads his likes across his videos. And then
after that, we'll talk to the middleman between India and Brad Sneasman and last Saurabh, who he
talks to in India. So then we can go straight to the source in India, get the likes for ourselves.
And then we don't have to go through Saurabh. Yeah. I like us traveling to India. I love what we
traveled India to find the source of the likes. We want to go to the fountain of likes. We're
trying to discover the ancient fountain of likes somewhere in India. The Taj Mahal was just
filled with likes. Oh my God, they're everywhere. What about Taj Mahal? Taj? You know Taj Mahal?
No. He was a smart guy. Smart guy. I love the smart guy. And then his sister's.
You ever see the pedestal? His sister's with his sister's sister people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
But what about? Forget their name. Is that good? The Taj Mahal? Is it Taj Mahal?
That big, the big. Yeah, it's good. Now that I know who that is. Yeah. I love smart guy. He was
so smart. Yeah. I love the they get they need to bring back like the really simple. They should
bring back all those cool shows like all that and yeah, you know, and a man to show. And so all
those cool shows that do you know about what I'm referencing? Yeah. Yeah. The people that were
charged. All I know is a guy he makes a delicious pretzel and he's into children's feet. Nice. Yeah.
Yeah. No, I know about the other producer, but I dance night. I think they should. I think they
should pretzel fame. They should bring it back under someone else like Jared Fogle or something.
Yeah. She gets one like Jared Fogle. So I think someone like Michael Jackson could really take
all that to the next level. Yeah. But I feel like TV shows these days, like they're not like the
intros aren't direct enough. I was like, he's a smart guy. Oh, yeah. Sister sister. It just
you start off with the title of it or boy meets world or like the simps. Exactly. Yeah. Even
even the South Park is too confusing. It's actually the most confusing. Yeah. Imagine being like
on a budget. I don't know. Some shrooms like way too much shrooms. I mean, a bad trip. And
all of a sudden you're watching. Yeah, it's okay. I've noticed this. I don't know if I said this
on the podcast yet, but on 600 pound life, the doctor doctor now is that your life? He
no not yet. The doctor for 600. His name is Dr. Now or it's short for something. And they call him
Dr. Now. He talks just like Cartman. It's fucking Indian, right? He's something. He's ethnic. I
think he's like Greek or something. Oh, okay. He might be Indian. Greece. He's light-skinned.
Greece is a terrible country. They've really fallen from what's he wants to word. Yeah.
You know, great musical, though. Yeah. Terrible country, great musical. Also,
I got to say John Travolta. Excellent at being in musicals, not excellent at being in real movies.
No, excellent at letting his son die. Yeah, excellent at being or getting on some bigger
movies just because he's John Travolta. Yeah. And then not being good. He's excellent at scaring
his male masseuses. Except that movie where he's a super fan. I forgot what it's called. The Fanatic.
The Fanatic. Guys, watch that one. It's never seen it, but I heard Fred Durst is already directed it.
He did direct it. And then there's a scene where they're driving in a car and they're playing
listening to Limbisket. Oh, fuck. Yeah, dude. This is a movie that you would love. I think. I have
it open in the tab. Like I'm going to watch it tonight. Yeah. Oh, yeah. How's it? I watched
the new Road House. So the new place is coming along good, though. Yeah, I got a lot of work to
do my washing machine. Back to Road House. I saw I didn't watch it, but I saw the thing was kind
of regretting it. Yeah. He's like he's like one of the villains and the acting his acting not not great.
Yeah, I mean, they show his ass a lot. It's probably like five minutes of kind of regret
his ass. Is he not a single boob? Is he thick as hell? He's thick. What happened to him? I thought
he was like a skinny guy. No, but he got thick for the movie. He got a dog, dude. Yeah, dude. No,
he's thick as shit, dude. I'm not even joking. He like, I think he might be bulking. He could be.
He's all bulky when I didn't even I had to look up is that Connor McGregor because he's so thick.
Yeah. Yeah. He looks like a goddamn. He looks like he's on steroids, honestly. Yeah, I've been
working. I've been working out a lot because when he fought, he was kind of lanky. I've been working
out a lot and I went on. Am I crazy? He was kind of like a skinnier guy like lean because he definitely
lean strong. He's like look him up and fucking well first I have to go to my my health. You know,
it sucks is watching Roadhouse and Terry Funk's not in it. Terry Funk's in the original. I hate
when Terry Shiveau isn't in it. Listen here, yellow belly. Terry Funk. I can't do it. I'm
Terry Shiveau now. Oh, you want me to take my Terry Shiveau impression? Yeah, let's hear it.
Yeah. Here's what Terry Terry Shiveau impression.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm impressed with Terry Shiveau's live support machine. They had more intelligence
than her. My Terry Shiveau impression for eating. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Terry Shiveau ASMR.
So I told I was taking Bobby Buds and trying to hiccup and Paul Miller. What a fucking nightmare.
That's a squad, dude. Yeah, it sounds fun. Yeah, but I gave Bobby Buds an ultimatum. I said,
so you better go on the show. Ultimatum or I said either you keep the name Bobby Buds or
I'm taking the name Bobby Buds. And what'd he say? And he said, no, I'm going to use both.
He said, he said, Mac, I'm going to use both. And I said, it's not how it works, pal. You pick one.
Yeah. So, so let me know. One of those becomes your dead name and you get to cancel people for
using it. I said, I'll give you one week, pal. One week to decide. Yes, he has one week and then
if one week he picks Euler, then welcome to the newest Bobby Buds. That's me, folks. How about
Robert Yuletide? I like that a lot. Bobby Christmas. Bobby Christmas is pretty good. I like that.
There's a, well, I think I told you about this. I came a while back. There's a run by you. There's
a black lacrosse player named Johnny Christmas. And that's the coolest name ever. If you're black,
I named Johnny Christmas. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Is that not the coolest thing? That's a cooler than
Charles Babbage. Charles Babbage is such a cool name. I was looking more into Charles Babbage.
Yeah, I got to say, you know, he's a polymath. Yeah. So I, uh, I, so I always thought that
black people were cooler. Yeah. I did a deep dive into Charles Babbage. Yeah. And he's actually
the coolest dude. He's fucking sick. Yeah. He makes up for what about Leibniz?
Oh, dude, uh, Leibniz people were commenting on that, like saying that it was like racist
videos, that video or like, I got to look at the comments. Oh, so I responded like a lot of them,
but I pretended that I'm a black guy and I'm the producer. I responded from the account.
What was the racist part? Someone was like, someone said, like, this is what makes racism
continue. And it was, and, and, and, and, and we are single-handedly keeping racism alive, dude.
Yeah. Hell yeah. And then I said, explain. Yeah. He said something and I was like, I'm black. I
am a producer. And then, um, I was arguing with this other guy and, uh, yeah, but basically if
anybody ever gets offended on tiktok, I'm going to respond to them and I'm the producer and whatever.
I was this offensive to Asian women. I'm an Asian woman. I'm a producer.
Yeah. I'm an Asian non-producer. This one guy was, this one guy I was saying like,
because I was saying that, uh, black people are cool, right? Yeah. And then someone was like,
that is pretty racist of you. Someone said that, that I'm stereotyping. I was like,
okay, a positive stereotype compliment. Like that's, is that bad? No, it's not. Yeah. Black
guys hate it when you're racist and you say they have big dicks. Black guys hate that. And then,
and they said, they said, what, black people can't be anything but cool. It's like, I didn't say that.
I just said they were cool. Like what? Yeah. We're saying overall who's cooler. Yeah. Not average,
bitch. At the end of the argument, there's one guy I said, Hey, you're probably arguing with
like legit 12 year olds too. Like, well, one guy ways of time. One guy was saying that like,
he went into a whole thing about how, uh, like, uh, like, unprovoked. He's talking about how
Africans, uh, like, uh, like hate, uh, African Americans, blah, blah, blah. And I was like,
I don't know why you even said that. And I was like, that's true. I know, but like, I don't even know
why there's another do with our clip at all. Yeah. And then I was like, um, I was like, I was born
in Kenya, uh, and I live in America now. And my name is Barack Obama. And you're, and you're,
and you're white and you have no, you have, you can't talk about this. Yeah. You better shut
that love white boy. He's like, well, I have African friends that have told me this. I was like,
well, you still can't speak. Yeah. Well, why don't you put them on the line? You, you're a white boy.
I was like, you still can't speak on their behalf. Like you, you also say other words that they say
like that, that N1. Do you say that? And then, um, yeah. And then we just kept going. It sounds fun.
Yeah. I have to look it up. Yeah. So I'll go on there. I'm going to go on there and apologize
to everybody. I'm sorry. I said, Charles, Charles Babbage is cooler than yeah. Charlemagne the God
or whatever the fuck. I'm so sorry. I, uh, will you please accept my apology? I don't want to lose
my job. I love when people comment on like the most ironic because that was the most clearly
ironic thing ever. You're naming these people who are clearly lame. I'm laughing super hard at it.
And why are you watching comedy podcast? If you don't understand irony, why would you watch a
podcast clip if you didn't know who was in it? I would never. These people who comment on our
clips and I don't know them seriously are crazy people. Yeah. Like I don't know you. You don't
know me. Yeah. How'd you come across this and why are you watching it? Like you're insane. Yeah. I do
kind of enjoy. I like it. I enjoy arguing with them. I just can't understand the bides of somebody who
would watch any podcast clip if they didn't know who the people were in the clip. Like what's your
use? You know how many podcasts there are and how many bad podcasts there are. You're just
just taking random shots at a podcast. Yeah. I mean, psychotic ours is good. It is good. But
like if you were going to risk called bad if you're wasting your time like that. Yeah. You know
what I mean? Why would you watch? That's why I told him go hang out with your African friends that
don't exist. I don't know why you're either stop. Stop commenting on random podcasts and go hang out
with your African friends that don't exist. Yeah. Yeah. Start your own podcast about. He also claimed
he was Native American for no reason. Like that would give him like some help. Yeah. And he I
looked at his picture. He looks completely white. Well, he's clearly going to have a bias that black
people are cool because Native Americans. Hey, white people. Yeah. So I don't even want him
weighing in on this now. Like you've given away your bias. Only Asian people can comment on this.
That's true. Yeah. We're going to maybe our Asian producer will comment on there too. Yeah.
I'm a job. I'm like, I'm like, I'm the only fair judge of who's cool black or white people.
I'll make it. I'm Asian. I'll make another account and it'll be like instead of the
Barney, it's a good the yellow Barney. And then it'll comment on there. I'll say I'm actually
the Asian producer of the show. You just have a picture of the yellow Power Ranger.
It's so funny that she was actually an Asian woman. The black. What was black? Yeah. The blue one
was the pink one was like a white girl. The red one was Native American. No. Yeah. No. You think
of the green Ranger, I think. So there's this old. He looked at the white rain, the red Ranger,
the original Red Ranger was named Jason. Oh, a Savito. No, Melton. Oh, JK Rowling.
Yeah. No, but there's a there's a song from the movie Peter Pan. It's like what makes a red man
red? And it's okay because it was being sung by red cartoons. Yeah, read a Native American cartoons.
But they never answer it. They just they sing in the song what makes a red man red. But that
I want to know. Yeah. Can someone tell me, you know, Bob Dylan did the same fucking thing.
What he said, how many roads must a man walk down? And I was like, yeah, how many? Yeah.
He said the answer is blowing in the wind. What the fuck does that mean? Yeah, don't just
access questions in songs. Yeah, I want an answer. Thanks for bringing nothing to the table,
Bob Dylan. Yeah, we're at the table trying to come up with solutions and solve stuff and you're
just bringing more problems. Yeah, cool. Thanks for telling us that times are changing. No,
shit. Yeah, we know that Vietnam and everything is going on instead of having a problem oriented
mind. How about a solution oriented? Yeah, dipshit. She's 100. Yeah, he's complaining. Yeah.
I'm Bob Dylan. Yeah, I play electric guitar. Yeah, yeah, I made everyone mad because I played
electric guitar. Yeah, when we're when we're when we're a bitch. I'm little little Bob Dylan.
I love that clip where he's like they go fuck you, Bob Dylan,
because he's playing electric guitar and he goes, I don't believe you.
You're a liar. So that's what he says. He's getting heckled for playing electric guitar.
Yeah. So he bought a ticket and got front row at his giant concert outside and they're like,
fuck you. You're a bitch for your sell out for playing electric guitar. Yeah, I remember I
learned about this. I don't believe you. You're a liar. I didn't know he said he has a clip on
YouTube. Extremely funny. Yeah, it's pretty sick. It's like the ultimate like I'll rubber your glue,
bitch. Whatever you say, bounce off me and stick to you. Give it with his own folks. I had a question
about this. These kids have been harassing me saying up your butt around the corner. Who told
these kids where my fucking thing that makes me come is that kids are smart these days. Yeah,
especially the ones that comment on especially Taj Mahal. Yeah. He's like kids are smart these
days. I'm a smart guy. Folks. Don't show that to the people on our last clip where the
yeah, yeah, the cancel police of Tik Tok of 12 year olds, eight, 12 year olds. Guess what? We
have a black producer. Yeah, it's not me. What's his name? Probably be Davonte. Davonte.
Davonte. Like Dav Jones. How about like Davonte is Davonte Jones. Davonte is what's a
how about a Demetrius Martin? What if his name was Demetrius? What's the God of the sea? Poseidon.
Yeah, what if his name was Poseidon? Our black producer Poseidon? Yeah, it's POS and then
apostrophe item. How about or does P P P apostrophe side and but she did on my girlfriend with a
mermaid. She's my side chick. That's that's good. Thanks, man. Yeah. Yeah. What's up with mermaids?
Huh? Are they around? Are they just kind of hanging out? What's a Ziggy Marley song? Do they go
to school with this? They call it mermaid. So do mermaids? I don't remember that song.
I remember alligator lizards in the air. But when America says that, but I have a question
about mermaids. Do they go to school with the fish? Yeah. Okay. Well, or they have mermaids school.
I don't know. You think they should be the same mermaid and merman. Why do we have to separate
them? Like they should just be mer and their maids. So they're like always cleaning up shit.
They should be mer people. They're like cleaning up all the coral dusting. Yeah.
Yeah. They're dusting. It's just we call mer like like mer from practical jokers. Hell yeah.
That guy's cool. In practical jokers. I watched their movie. One of the worst fucking movies I've
ever seen in my life. But you had to expect that. I was like, wow, it's like hanging out with four
annoying guys for an hour. It was so bad. They were so annoying and like, they're so
I mean, have you watched a show? No, I can't stand those. I mean, it's really Jeff Dunham people
and people love even though you're a Jeff Dunham guy. I actually watched a Jeff Dunham special
and like that. Yeah. But you can not, you can understand the people that would have, I can't.
They're so annoying. You know what they are? They're people that go on cruises. They're people.
They're like dumb. They're like, they're people like, Oh, I'm so neurotic. Ooh, everything is
neurotic. No, it's just the really, really dumb people. He had sucks. Like the dumbest people
in the world. The only good episode is the one they did where they stripped a bomb to a piece of
guy and told to told to wrap a bank. What happened? You remember that episode of impractical jokers
they in Erie, Pennsylvania episode they strap a bomb to a pizza man's head and then they tell him
to go rob a bank and then and then Mer was like that when he exploded Mer was like, Oh my God.
Look at the God him. Like goodness gracious. This is crazy. And then Q ran out and he was like,
it was a prank and sale. I think one of them is named sale. I want to make a video like where
like I shoot like a friend of the arm or something. I say it's a prank. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Or what if you do like a like a major crime like I don't know. You just like do an arm robbery
or something. You say it's a prank. Yeah, just kidding. This guy is on video. There's a camera
right there. Camera right there. Yeah, because you can do anything if it's a prank. Like there's
guys that walk around the hood and say, yeah, say, Hey, neighbor to everybody just to try to get
yeah, yeah, like that guy who got shot in the mall because he was doing a prank on some guy and he
pulled out a gun shot him in the head. Yeah. Yeah. We should we should let's become pranksters.
Actually, no, no, not pranksters. The thing the trick is to do more espionage. The trick is with
those prank YouTube channels is you do fake pranks. We need because if you control everything,
you can make it look way more crazy. We need to do more espionage. I'm down. You have all the tools.
Yeah. But I need to put their packed. I just moved. Yeah. Make sure you get them out and set up
a espionage will like a thing. I'm doing some espionage on my cat. I wonder what he does all
day while my work. You should get like a you should get like a special, which he does a special
little like suitcase. It's like fake metal be opened it and then it's all the spy tools. Yeah.
They're kind of cool. How about a guitar case? It looks like a guitar, but then it opens his
all weapons. Oh, that's parado. Yeah. It's like it's a A.K. in there or El Mariachi.
Is that a thing? It's a movie. This rod is the second movie in the Mariachi series, my dude. I
was watching the thing about El Chapo yesterday. He's pretty cool. You know what that guy could use
is some El Chapo stick. Good dry ass lips. That guy's got some dry ass lips. Yeah. His lips are
El Chapo. His lips are all chapped up. What does El Chapo mean? It's not a hat. Is it the hat?
Yeah, it's a hat. Is Chapo a hat? Chapo is a hat. Is it? No, because in French, Chippot is hat.
Is it? Whoever has the hat is the El Chapo. And so he has the hat right now.
What? He's got the hat, the Chapo hat. So that makes him the El Chapo. No, El Chapo. El Chapo
is not a title. That was his nickname and there was others people. No, it's a lineage of people
who wear this hat. So he wears the hat. His nickname was El Chapo. Until he dies, then it
passes on to his son. And that his son becomes El Chapo. What does Chapo mean in Spanish? It means
your lips are dry. Oh, I've got this new AI. I got this new AI. There's a cool scene in the
watch show where he goes, why do they call you big evil? And he goes, because my evil is big.
I got this new AI that I wanted to show you. Have you seen the movie End of Watch? Yes, I have.
The whole movie is super sad until the end. It's awesome, though. It seems like it's a long episode
of cops. It's so sad until the end. It's like an HD version of cops where it all looks amazing.
Jake Gyllenhaal is very likable. Yeah, they fight that big black guy. He fights the big
black guy, I think. Oh, he does. He has a fist fight with a black guy in a house. Yeah, I think
the Mexican guy, the Mexican guy that's in every movie. He's the Mexican guy in every single movie.
I mean, just Jake Gyllenhaal in every movie. He's literally in the new Roadhouse we just talked
about. Yeah, but I'm just saying if you if you need a Hispanic person, oh yeah, that's a guy.
Michael. What's his name? Cabalo. The Balboa. The Balboa. The movie, though, is very sad until
the end. The cops keep on hurting all these cool drug dealers. Yeah. But then they finally get
theirs. Wait, I thought that I thought that cool people were white people. Yeah. Wrong. You're
right. They're cool. I'm not saying cool. The movie is sad until the end. Okay, then it's happy.
Okay, I'm not talking about coolness. Have you seen snow on the nobody in that movie?
Have you seen snow on the bluff? No. Really? No. Wait, no to really. I said really and you said
no. I've seen snow. I've seen the bluff. I've never seen the snow on the snow. Okay, got you.
Took me a second to realize what you're asking. Okay, got you. Now, the movie snow on the bluff
is very similar, except it's kind of from the gangster side. Yeah, that's how I watched it.
I said the whole movie was sad until the end. Oh, but I mean, in the beginning,
do you remember how the movie what ends? Which one end of watch? Oh, all the bodies and stuff.
And the now it's now it ends. We'll move on. We want to spoil anything. Yeah. But in the beginning,
spoil a 10 year old movie in the beginning, snow on the bluff. These white kids are driving around
the hood looking for drugs. And they're like this filming. And then this like dealer hops in the car.
He's like, the last like a get my leave in Coke. And he's like, yeah, I got happens in training
day. I got you any hops in the car. And then they start going for a while. Then all of a sudden
he pulls out a gun. He's like, he's like, give me all your shit. Give me the car. And then you got
the camera. And then basically, it's just from the hood to side. Yeah, the cop side like a like that
is I have a personal story one time. But what but put that on your list snow on the bluff. I'll
watch it. Yeah. It's a really good time. I was in East Chicago. And it was kind of like the hood.
We were skateboarding at the school. My friend Adam had a scooter that could go 60 miles per hour.
And we took we would take it on the highway from like Highland to Gary. And we took it to
East Chicago High. We're kind of like the hood. And we were just skateboarding in this black guy
came up out of nowhere, strange guy. And he's like, you guys want weed. And my friend Adam was like
a fucking crazy about weed. And some random black guy. He was like our age, though, like he wasn't
like I hate we were in high school. Hey weed heads. Yeah, he's like a crackhead about weed about
people. People have all the cool weed things. Yeah, I got the volcano vape. Well, no, he didn't have
all that shit. But he was just like, like, they're like, like, crackheads. They're all like, tweaking
about weed all the time. I knew a bunch of people who would like act about like how people act about
coke. But for weed when I was like in high school, yeah, they were like obsessed with it. And it
was like, it was more rare because it was like, yeah, a long time ago. Anyway, he gives this guy
not just he gives this guy some money and his scooter, the scooter we took to get there.
And the guy left with that. And I was like, dude, that was not smart, right? And he's like,
yeah, probably wasn't smart. Then he came back with weed and he gave us back the scooter. Really?
Yeah, it was just like he did a drug deal. Don't judge a book by its cover folks. When have you
ever heard that work out? It's never worked out. But guys, it makes me wonder if he knew the guy
or some shit. Yeah, guys, like low kids don't always judge a book by its cover. Yeah, definitely
sometimes judge a book by its cover. If it's a random guy, you don't know, I probably wouldn't
give him my moped if he's a drug dealer. And I don't know him. Yeah, just some random guy walked
up the street and we're in the hood. We're not in like any like fucking normal place. Yeah. So I
got this new AI and it's always 100% correct. I tested it out like I asked other AI's like regular
ones so that it wasn't biased because I asked this one if it's always 100% correct. Obviously,
it's yes. I asked other AI's if this AI is always 100% correct. And they said yes. Oh,
and you can just ask it stuff like like about like a brand of people and it'll give you like a
response kind of new robot girlfriend. No, but loser. No, no. Hey, always correct AI. What do
you always correct? That sounds like my real girlfriend. Or sorry, actually, I start over.
Hey, 100% correct all the time AI. What do you think about Jason Melton?
Jason Melton is a fat loser. He has no friends. Yeah, I guess that's right. Yeah, I mean,
I get toys 100% right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, well cool. How about you download an AI that
can tell me something fucking new? No, but I was trying to pull up my I was trying to pull up my
I weighed myself this morning and I was like shit. I gained like four pounds. I've worked
on it every day. I thought I'd lose some weight. Yeah, but probably muscle is four pounds of muscle
against 20 pounds of muscle mass. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Did you get the calipers out to measure
it? No, they pinch you or something. No, there's these scales that measure it's not I mean,
according to studies, I've looked up about some of these scales, it's kind of pretty accurate,
but they can measure it somehow through your feet. I'm in money mode right now. So I've been
weighing myself in kilos. I thought they weighed you in tons. No, they weigh me in kilos. I'm in
money mode. That's Dale. Oh, and speaking of Dale, folks, I saw Dale yesterday. I want to say that
shout out to Dale. We are he was nice to me. So I don't think he's mad at me. Yeah, he's not mad
at me either. So I'm glad a friend of the show Dale. He's he's fat. He works at Frank and Mary's.
And so we are brought to you in part, not officially sponsored by Frank and Mary's.
It's on Elston near Western in Chicago. Make sure to go there. You might get a good deal on a beer
in a shot. Chicago handshake. Yeah, yeah. No, but if you like dive bars, you'll love it. I took
Paul there after the podcast. Yeah. And I guess you went back to like two days later. He had never
been there prior to me bringing. Oh, yeah. So if you like dive bars, hit it up, but don't hit it
up like a hipster like ironically, because you're like everyone will hate you. I just watched
horse and Pete. There's a big theme in horse and Pete. Did you ever see that? No, I want to say
one more thing about this place. There's a lot of cool Mexican construction workers that go there
and barely speak English and drink a lot of tequila and do cocaine in the bathroom.
Very cool. And they call me machete. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Literally, because that's how it feels when you poop like someone's putting machete in your butt.
You got Crohn's. They call you machete ass. No one's ever called me that because the poop comes
out like a sword. Yes. Yes. I if that's what that's like. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead and ask AI.
We all know the truth. Right. Friends who are watching. I'm looking in the camera.
Right guys. This is how it feels for Mac to poop.
Life comes out. Oh, we do patron. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We'll check it out. Like
yeah, we'll do they I think later on. Do we do that on the patron episode or do they care on the
live episodes free episode? We can shout out in the free episode for all the folks. We do have a
Patreon and what's the what's the link? Patreon.com slash bad comedy. What do you get there?
You can get our guest episodes. Yeah, every. And I was actually I had an idea. I just remembered.
I was thinking about doing personal cameos for our patrons. So you know how cameo works.
So if you're I'm going to put a Google form on our Patreon page. I still have your password
if you didn't change it and Keller Paulson canceled his membership. Fuck that guy. No,
I'm just kidding. Check out the episode we had with him. Did he move away? Maybe. I don't know.
I haven't seen him in I haven't I literally have not seen him since we had him on the podcast.
I think I don't know. Addie Phillips. Probably a spy. I know Addie. No, he's cool. Oh, really?
Yeah, he comes to beer belly. Cool guy. Shout out to Addie Phillips. Shout out to Addie
Phillips. His birthday was just the other day. He brought a bunch of people to beer belly for
his birthday. Mike Dwyer joined as a free member, which means gives you nothing. What is that?
There's a new thing where you join as a free member and you don't get access to anything. Oh
shit. We could put our free episodes there. Yeah, but it's a pain. You can't. I think I just got
to flip a button to make those ones public on there. But yeah, I mean, if if you want, don't
worry about it. It's just the you're not going to get people. He was probably trying to get what
he could get. You're not going to get people stumbling upon a podcast on Patreon. Normally
you just go to Patreon if you know about a Patreon sucks. We couldn't get Mike Dwyer to
talk shit about anybody on his episode. Yeah, it was just us. And then we he was wrapped in with it.
Shout out to Addie Phillips. Cool guy. Yeah, I mean, as your full name, Adderall Phillips,
please let us know. Yeah, if it is, we might have to be able to make a deal. Yeah, maybe we can
let's make a deal. I would like to fill up on some Addy. So yeah, welcome to the welcome to the
podcast. It's a really good podcast. If you're if you're welcome to and just you know, if you're a
current patron, we love you. Oh, here's a here's a except for Keller Pulse. It sucked my I don't
want to demonetize you're on my shit list. Keller Pulse. Yeah, you're on my fight inside now. Keller
Pulse. Go back to annoyance. Sorry, I guess I tell her I here's a promo for the Patreon.
I'm going to be doing free cameos for all our patrons. I'm going to put a Google form on our
Patreon page. If you fill it out, I'll film you like a 30 to 60 second video could be a
birthday to somebody, whatever. I will on there you can sign up for me to and I'll do it. Yeah,
if you want, you could. Well, yeah, you want to do your own Google form or should we do one
Google form? You get one friend. You get to pick me or you or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we
will not do it together. No, it's actually outside the podcast. We hate each other. We never really
do. Yeah. This is all we this is all fake camaraderie. How we come out here and call each other gay.
That's just pretending to like each other. We but I mean, outside the podcast, we like say it in a
not joking way. Yeah. Once we turn off this thing, we say all the same stuff, but we mean it for you.
Yeah. But the 100% AI, that's kind of crazy that it knew that you were a fat loser. No friends.
Who doesn't know that? I don't know. Maybe Eddie Phillips. Trust me, I've been
Hey, but I want to thank the current patrons that have been with us forever. You guys are
you guys are amazing. We were able to buy this the fact this fountain of youth. Oh, yeah, because of
you amazing patrons. I got it from Timu. Yeah. This thing, I feel like I could take Adderall
and stare at this fountain for four hours straight. And then you can and I have. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That's one of that's one of my favorite hobbies. It might be able to fix my life because then I
could stop aspiring for things. Yeah, I stare at a fountain instead. I should probably be
pox. That's really Zen Buddhist. That's probably epoxy. Yeah, epoxy it. I think the water could be
a little smoother when it's going down it. Oh, what if it's a water? Yeah, it was epoxy that
yeah, that dripped down. You know what? When I play when we when I did the pinewood, I just had
an epoxy memory. Sorry. I'm gonna forget about this. Should I dye the water red like dark red?
It feels like somebody peed in it. No, like it's off the chlorine thing. No, like in a pool when
somebody pees and they have that stuff in the pool that turns red. No, but like it's like it's
blood. That's cool. Or I can do like dark. You should just do that for Halloween or I can do
dark yellow. So it's like this. Yeah, that's cool too. This phone. I just had an epoxy memory
when I did the pinewood derby as a kid. My dad, but he had the car to try and make it more air
less. My dad was like, will you get super into the pinewood derby? You wait them, right? I would
be inside the house playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater on PlayStation. My dad would be in the garage
with like different like weights and levels and shit trying to make my pinewood derby car better
than everyone else. Mr. Melton, you're a loser. Yeah. No, he loves physics or something. Yeah.
He's like a he's a regular Charles Babbage will say. Oh, never mind. Retract him. He's kind of a
polymath of he's the coolest guy. I remember he did a pint. He did a Alan Turing. Oh, we also the
rain gutter regatta where you'd make a little boat and then you'd have to blow the sail to get
it down. He epoxied the boat to make it more smooth in the water. You get like a little piece
of wood and you'd say epoxy trick. Yeah, we're by work well for the car. He was boxing everything.
Yeah. So he had the same addiction. I have the thing that really worked is my dad figured
out this trick where if you make it an upside down like like trapezoid as the screw is going down,
it gets a little head start because the screw gets like lower than where it's like at an angle.
So it starts rolling before the other cars. And then we won that year and then it turned out that
was cheating. Well, okay. So my dad figured out a cheat at the Pinewood Derby when I was a fucking
10 year old. Okay. Well, I was going to say that you're a nerd, Mr. Melton for the screw thing,
but since it's cheating, that's cool. So again, you're back to square one. My dad's a complicated
guy. He's just yeah, you're he's just normal. So he's kind of a nerd and kind of cool at the same
time. Yeah. So they cancel each other out. He's normal. Yeah. Right. It's kind of like when like
somebody's like doing like they're really smart at computers and they use it to like hack old people.
Yeah. It's like you're sort of started off sound like a loser, but now that you're making a bunch
of money ruining old people's lives. Yeah, cool. Yeah. Look out for the beekeeper. It's like how
like like Michael Cooper and Charles Babbage cancel each other out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God,
dude, that does make it complicated for white people being cool. Yeah. The existence of Michael
Cooper. Oh, I want to I wonder if he collects his teeth and they fall out because I love to have
Michael Cooper teeth. I mean, he's broke. He probably tries to give them to the tooth fairy.
Oh, that's true. It's just Pearl. He's always asking for tooth fairy handouts.
Michael Pearl. She's a tooth fairy. I'm trying to think of a gay guy with big teeth that go to
fairy. A gay guy with big teeth. That's that's honestly, if there was a gay guy with big teeth,
I would challenge him to a roast battle right now. Let's go to very guys. Go check out the
laugh factory page and find the video of Zach Orion on stage with Paul Faravar.
I think he's what are we doing? I think I think Zach Orion has been defeated. He looked like
so disheveled and defeated on stage. Oh, really? Yeah, I think I ruined his life. Nice, dude.
I'll show you the video after. What if you? Yeah, what if he did like a K Y S
K H S? I mean, how would you feel? I wouldn't. I don't think I would feel bad. Yeah. I mean,
I could have been a spark of it, but he by him posting that he really cranzled himself.
I don't know. Is he cranzled? I never even see that or he ruined his own reputation. I just
wish he would follow me again on Instagram. Come on, Zach. Oh, you're my friend. Yeah,
what I do. That's why I've been working out and bulking up is so that I can physically fight Zach
Oh, Zach. Oh, his friends with people I don't like. Yeah. And I still friends with Zach Oh,
just because he doesn't like you. Why is he not friends with me? An enemy of an enemy is a friend.
Well, yeah, but how about the the friend of your enemy is not necessarily your enemy. What's a
friend of me of a friend of me, though? A friend of me, I guess. That's a math we'll have to do
after that. That's the polymath. Charles Babbage. How to solve our guess. So you could write a
computer program. So I fucked up and I like put those in different places because like the hooks
for the pictures. Okay. Nothing's even on cameras. It doesn't even matter. But it's funny that,
you know, we just dedicate like every 10 minutes we return to some kind of like home,
like home improvement topic. We got to talk about it. It's sort of like the show tool time. You
know, they do a lot of comedy and family stuff. And then occasionally they would also like do
like a home improvement project. Well, it's part of the fake show. Yeah. This isn't a long segment.
All I'm saying is I rearrange the hooks for when I hang out my work stuff because this is my office
also. And how many how much weight can those hooks hold there? They're different. Some of them more
than others. I don't think so, Mac. So I'm out. But I fucked it up with my new setup with the other
thing. So now it only I can only hang up two of those and I picked you and Dale nice and left
key for it. Did you have to get more hooks for me and Dale's pictures? I did. I had to use the 500
pound one for Dale picture and it still fell down once. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of wild. You know,
I got into hockey because there was a penalty called I know. Nope. You never heard that? No.
No. Can we go back to making a cake made of only icing? Well, I did have an idea for an ice
cream cake. I actually said this on stage and people laughed and you're ready for this last
week. I said it last week and then I tried on stage and I think just John Hickock left.
Well, John Hickock. He's the only person I saw. He loves to have beer. Belly was like so
weirdly dead. Like everyone bombed. But it was like a lot of people still. So it was super weird.
And then even the bartender was like, that was weird. I told John Hickock we're going to call him
because neither of us have a phone because the heart was going to be on. Oh, yeah. So so we'll
we'll still have Aaron call him. And then what we'll do is I'll pretend to be so hard. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Sounds sounds like that will not be racist. I was going to do a whole Neurose episode. It's
Neurose right now. Happy Neurose to our Persian friends. I person. Hi in a rose to only our
Persian patrons. Persian. If you're not Persian, I'm not saying happy Neurose to you. Oh, yeah.
Comedy birds. I was going to get all these little bowls of shit. You get 11 little bowls. Oh, that's
cool. You have like garlic and candy and dead fish. Yeah. I think it's Passover. They have little
bowls of stuff too, I think. Yeah, it's cool. They lamb on Passover Passover like Passover. What is
that like a highway? Like a pass is over. Yeah. Passover is what I do when I see that Brian Row
submitted to my show. Oh, I forgot my head a joke in my head. I forgot about that because of that.
Hello, Brian, Ro check out a special. Yeah. Pass over. People spend their Saturdays with Passover.
I do my hangover. Yeah, hangover. Yeah, I'll pass on. Sometimes I stay in because I want to pass on
the hangover. I call pass over. Hangover sounds more like a Christian holiday because it's kind
of like what Jesus was doing on the cross. He was hanging over all of us. Yeah. I thought it was
the best joke ever. Yeah. And I forgot it. And this is just a tribute. Well, I remember it was
some kind of tank that shoots a giant arrow. Let me think about that. It's a shoot an arrow.
I don't know. I was listening to a bunch of stuff about the Indian Wars. Oh, you're in that
you're in you're on a Indian. Dude, I've listened to so much history recently like insane amount.
Well, it's March. So I've been listening to more herstory. Okay. And it kind of it's women's
month. It's March. I've been listening to more Jalewski. Mark John Marjalewski. I love that guy.
Yeah. Do you know John? Nope. Oh, my God. My comedy podcast on Instagram. Dude, he's the greatest.
Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to John Marjalewski. Hey, join the Patreon. I don't know if he's doing
stand up anymore. I know he's moved to St. Louis, but you see this joke where he says,
St. Jewish, you know, that old Polish joke where the, how do you get a one arm Polish guy out of
a tree? You wave to him and he falls. That is a joke. Well, that's a mean, that's an old joke.
Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, well, a lot of people talk about how dummy is, but people aren't talking
about how nice he is. He doesn't even, you know, he doesn't even know you. He's waving to you from
the tree because he's Polish like Marjalewski. Yeah. Love John. You know that it used to be
called St. Louis. The Nate Burroughs move there. Now it's called St. Jewish. That's great. Yeah.
He's not even really Jewish. Yeah. He's fake Jewish. Yeah. He's always dead. Yeah. Well,
guess what? Nate Burroughs, I'm 18%. I'm a mom side. Yeah. So I'm more Jewish than you are.
Yeah. Why don't you go? Why don't you go burrow yourself into the ground and you're more of a
black peanut guy than a Jewish guy anyway. Yeah. It's true. He's part of the Wig community, you know.
Yeah. Yeah. You know about that. You're more like, Nate, you're like Mr. Freeze who ran out of
catchphrases. You ever see the movie They Live? I've seen They Them. They Them Live. Hold on.
That could be a version of this. I had an idea for They Live. It's a Roddy Piper is the main guy.
It's an alien movie. He gets these sunglasses that lets them see who's really an alien.
So I thought of a movie. It's like They Live. But then you know when there's like a white guy
who pretends to be a black guy, you know, like a... A wigger? Yeah. I don't say that word. But
I say the Wig community. That's what they prefer. I'm talking about... Yeah. That's what I'm talking
about. No, like, you know, like when the Wig party, if someone is like they're acting, they're wiggery.
They say that on Tom Holland says that. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'm talking about white guys who pretend
to be black guys. I don't know if they did that back then because... Oh, the Uyghars.
You know, those are the Asian guys who pretend to be Muslim. That's the old Yelvel So Uyghar.
Yeah. So you get sunglasses and you put it on and you could see that the white guy is actually a
black guy. Like you see through their skin that they're a black guy underneath. Like that's my new
version of They Live that I came up with on this podcast with Alex last week. I like that. I don't
remember that. It was one of our jokes that we did. I last, honestly, that episode was like a
fucking whirlwind. Yeah. I don't remember happy episodes. Yeah. We were on mushrooms and just
like all like laughing our asses off. I was like, I think that was the best episode we ever did.
And I didn't listen to it. So it might have been insane. I'm sure it was funny. I was like, man,
that ruled. I mean, Alex Lujan is the funniest person on the face of the earth. His John Hickok
impression or John Hickok senior impression was so good. Oh, between episodes, we've done an hour
six, we should cut it off. I wanted to say something to you before that. Oh, you're fat. But then
there's They Them Live and you put on some sunglasses and you see what? What do you actually see?
Because they live the sunglasses would reveal their true identity. Yeah. So you see somebody who's
desperate for attention. I would be black. Well, no, it's They Them Live now. So the sunglasses
have to reveal something about non-binary people. Oh yeah. You see that they're trying to get
booked. Yeah, they're just they're faking it. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I like that.
I want to say one more thing. No, we'll close this one off. Jason plugs. Jason Melton Twitch,
Jason Meltoncom.com. Oh, this was it. I said earlier, I saw you pouring a pitcher of something
into that donuts cup. What? I saw you pouring a pitcher of something in a Dunkin Donuts cup.
What are you talking about? Pitcher? The pitcher, you know, baseball. It was a pitcher of some like
some like light tan liquid. I think it was from a carousel. No, it seemed like it's cold. And it
was like you like you got it from online or somewhere or something. Like a tea or something.
I think you were pouring tea in that cup. What? You're pouring tea in that cup.
Where'd you get that tea from? Oh, I do drink a lot of tea from Coolsteeperclub.com. Oh, I actually
have a tea in the delivery on the delivery right now, but I've been drinking some Kenyan black. It's
my favorite. I call it Barack Obama for short. Oh, nice. I've always wanted to try it because
they have the cranberry Kenyan black. I heard it tastes just like Obama or cranberry Obama. Yeah,
it's good stuff. I like that. You can actually get a subscription for cold brew tea and the
pitcher and everything to make it online at Coolsteeperclub.com and you get 25% off like a promo
code bad comedy. They have like a nice old sweet tea that I can stand sit on while I'm sitting on
my front porch. They don't sell that, but a sweet tea is just tea with sugar so you can make it
yourself just like the south like the southerners do. See guys, we have some worst solution based
here. We're not problem based like fucking who I'm fucking Dylan. Yeah, like Bob Dylan. So go to
Coolsteeperclub.com. The tea is excellent. I had it and I was like, this is excellent. That's like
goodness gracious. Great balls of fire. I said, what the heck? What's in this? Get really good tea.
Yeah. So Jason, do you have anything that you want to plug for the people listening
out on the YouTube community? Make sure you check out a Patreon for bad comedy,
patreon.com, slash bad comment. All the good, all the good episodes. It was four dollars.
All the guest episodes are there. So literally buy one less fidget spinner this week and join
our Patreon. Yeah. Or cancel maybe one quarter of your HBO subscription.
Cancel your prime subscription. Honestly, you don't need that shit. Yeah. I'll tell you a website
where you can get all the movies for free if you email me. Yeah. Well, you should cancel all your
subscriptions for movies and then use this website. I give you cancel all your streaming services and
then buy patriots for all your friends. I also, if you want it, I made a website where you put in a
YouTube URL and it'll play the YouTube without ads. I made a website. I have YouTube premium.
Yeah. You can have YouTube premium or you could use this website I built and you just put the
YouTube URL in and it plays it with the pod though for certain reasons. Yeah. Do you have anything
that you want? Do you want to plug? Do you have a Twitch or like a Jason Mountain Twitch? Do you
need discord or anything? I have a discord. I think it's called cool. Jason Mountain. You should
figure out what it's called. I'm pretty sure it's cool. Jason Mountain. You're really not good.
I'm cool. Jason. I know you really want to do stand up from home, but you're not very good at
promoting your Twitch. All my friends from real life don't like the Twitch because it's just me.
It's like, I see Jason. I like Jason. I just, I just Jason. I'm on Twitch is kind of for people
who I like, who are far away and not like comedians. There's like regular people who are far away.
Some of them are comedians. I hate regular people except for patrons. It's more old. Yeah,
more for old people. Yeah. Jason is an alt. Yeah. I just want to do I watched Atlanta. I'm gonna
and I fucking loved it when I listen to your and I feel like a dipshit for not working on a project
that's like good. I also watch horse and Pete, which was like incredible. I'm like, God damn it.
Why am I not working every day on a piece of art as opposed to just doing bullshit and playing
well combat on my phone when I when I watch fucking asshole when I watch you talk about altar and I
watch your alternative comedy. I say control alt delete. Yeah. Yeah. And then you and then you
open up for Chan to go control alt right. No, I got I got I got a I got a horse and get a
bunch of pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Horch and damn it. That just got me just the amount of that sounds
like a place where you have sex with an anime or Chan Jackie Horchin folks. Follow me a bad boy
comedy and everything. I do have a new page coming out soon that is going to be financial advice.
And I'm going to be really mean to people and tell them like, you're so dumb for not
doing this yet. You're so why aren't you investing? You're so stupid. Obviously,
it'd be mean to the audience. Yeah. It's gonna be half that and by the way, being friends with
Mac now comes with ads kind of. He texts me like, Hey, let me say you about the account. Oh, yeah.
Well, I'll show you the I'll show you the law or the cost of waiting when it comes to savings.
The cost of waiting. So that sounds so heavy. The cost of waiting. I mean, it is dude. I think
there's something like more deeply existential that I'm doing probably costing me. Yeah. I mean,
the cost of waiting is it can apply to a lot of things. Yeah, you're gonna talk about money,
but I'm gonna talk about no, no, no, something more important that like my judgment from God or
something. That's what I was gonna talk about. But I'm not gonna anymore. You're gonna read some
Kierkegaard on your new advice. I read some from the book of Wayne. Okay. Can I start reading from
the Bible on here? I'm sorry. I read from the book. I get demonetized if I read from the Bible,
because it's like horrific reading stuff that happens in the Bible. Can you please bite your head?
Yep. No, Jason, please. I'm buying it backwards. Are your eyes closed? Yeah. Okay. A reading from
the book of Wayne. The birds don't fly without my permission. I'm probably in the ocean.
Wait, I'm probably in the sky swimming with the fishes or maybe even the ocean swimming with the
pigeons. Hallelujah. Amen. Amen. Thank you, Wayne. Amen. As sold by the prophet Weevee. Weezief Baby
and his father that has a bird man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Boy comedy. You know, he also used to go
by another name. What was Birdman's other name? It was baby. Baby. Yeah. That was always kind of
his nickname, though. No, he's on songs featuring baby. So because I just looked up a weird little
baby. Little baby little bird man. Let's look into this. Maybe connection. We'll let you know next
week, folks. Definitely follow up on that. And I'll post links to stuff like I always say I'm
going to do and never do. But you should do it. We'll give you if you're a patron, you each
you want free cameo. I'm going to do that. I actually have it written down in multiple places.
And then you can try to request Alex Lucian.
No, we're not going to do that. I'm going to have a checkbox for you or you.
You know, I'll radio button. God, it's going to be definitely mostly you.
Maybe I'm a better content creator. I don't know.
If you really want, you get a request one from each of us if we don't get a lot.
Yeah. Well, Adam Rabanski is going to pick you. Zeke Zugler. If you pick Jason, then I would be
so devastated. But Adam Rabanski is mad at you right now. I don't know if I like Adam Rabanski
or not. I'm just going to say no. I don't think you guys should be enemies. Yeah. You're on my
fight inside. Adam Rabanski. Yeah. I've been listening to this where you're killing cockroaches.
Yeah. And we're bands. He told me I'm not allowed to tell you the stuff he texts me about you anymore.
What? Yep. I got to keep his secrets. Otherwise could could endanger our patrons. Oh, well,
you know, we can do we can we can talk about them behind the extra paywall that we didn't tell Adam
about. Oh, yeah. A third paywall. And that was headed. My dick's so big I'd be hitting the third
paywall. It's only me and Jason talking about Adam Rabanski. That's how you really make her come.
It's called a hitter third paywall. It's called Adam Rabanski. It's called the Adam Rabanski paywall.
I want to do a podcast called the Adam Rabanski hour. It's just me talking about shit the
Adam Rabanski likes. Yeah, I'm sure I might do that. Maybe one day. No, what he's just saying
you should be doing these awesome projects and not this is your idea for a project.
It does seem awesome, though. This is actually not a new idea. I've had this idea for years.
So three things. Remember close deeper club. Well, first of all, patreon.com slash bad comedy.
That's the most important coolest deeper club.com for 25% off promo code bad comedy, the T of the
world. And then also what's the third brain spa at brain spa. Oh, I see you. Yeah. We can't talk
about what it is on this one, but check it out if you're cool. Just go on Instagram and look up
that account. Yeah. And go to Frank and Mary's and help Dale. Yeah, be happy. Make a free
Dale. Go make Dale happy. Go stop by and make him happy. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I always forgot to
say this. Catch me at every comedy club in Chicago every weekend. I'm generally doing a weekend at
every big comedy bar in Chicago. And then catch me in the green room is a nice next time him
talents in town because we'll need private other console, another another war council to make sure
that the piece extends. Jason, do you have any final words? Oh, thanks for coming out to reserve
there. By the way, she's a good actor. Thanks for having me. Mac. Thanks for coming on to no
problem. When we'll see you in the moon hits the sun. Yeah, the moon. Well, now we'll see you when
a meteor is heading towards us. And then we put so Robin cam honeybedger and Samtown and a ball
on. And then we drop out on a teeter totter and Dale's on the other side. Dale flies at the meteor
and breaks it and saves the world. That's when we'll see you folks. See you then. Love you.