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Hey everybody, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. This is Matt and I'm here with Jason and what's

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good? So the other week, you want to give me a V for vendetta? I just want to say the other

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week, Jason was trying to say that I wasn't Chinese enough. Yeah, look at me now. I'm

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a try and dude. I got a fucking I don't hang out with people who aren't Chinese enough.

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Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm not. Yeah. Yeah, you should get one of these dudes. You're fat and you

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sweat all the time. Hold on a second. I'm writing a memoir of a geisha. Yeah. That's

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actually Japanese. Well, the fan is Japanese or Japanese don't ever dirty knees or look

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at these both the fan. The fan can be both. But this is this Chinese. This can only be

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Chinese. Yeah. Hell yeah. Because the Japanese use the katana. It's a little curve. It's

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not as curvy as the actually skinnier than the Arab swords in the simitars. Yeah. Like

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a Sorob sword would be like a would be curved. It'd be curved, but it'd be larger and not

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a skinny. Yeah, which is always weird to me because it doesn't make sense. So it's not

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a curve sword wouldn't have as far of a reach because it curves back. What's the point of

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it? What's the point of a curved sword? The katana is apparently great for while you're

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riding cavalry. Katana also a great Mortal Kombat character when you're it's very it's

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good for when you're riding cavalry because sisters to Molina when you slice down it hits

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people better. Shao Kahn's dogs. It's also very it's also very thin blade and it's a

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it's easier to use with agility instead of like a long sword. Yeah, I'm a agile fighter.

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Speaking of sisters, Megan the Stallion is a song captain hook. Who's making this? It's

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not like we're playing MPR in the background until I started talking Megan the Stallion

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who is speaking of Megan the Stallion today on fresh air pop rapper. We're talking to Tori

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great Tori Lane Tori Lane. I like female comics. I think that we're calling Tori Lane

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from prison. Hey, we're female comics. Yeah, we don't get booked enough. Hold on a second.

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Oh, wait, you get booked more. I'm just being Sarah whole Megan the Stallion was dating.

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How tall is she Megan the Stallion was dating that little guy who shot at her and he went

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to jail. That's you know this recent pop culture story. He's five three and she's like six

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foot. I think it was self defense. Just based on the heights alone. I'd assume so he shot

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her in the foot which for her is a hoof. That's cold. He actually shot her in the foot but

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he was pointing the gun straight out. He's just so short and only reached her foot. You

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think he said when he did it he said he said we're female comics. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's

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why you shot her. Yeah, shout out to Sarah Holcomb and Jamie Schreiner amazing video about

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female comedians. They said that women are way better producing shows but get no cloud.

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Yeah, which is very sexist. That might be true. And it just sounds like because women

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are good at sort of like, you know, I know but why I'm here the house. How do they not

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get cloud? They're just organized. I feel like if you say that we're out hunting in it for

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the right reasons if you're looking for cloud from it. So yeah, that's a good, you know,

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kind of showcase who you are. Why do they not get cloud and why are they and why are

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they being cloud chasers? Shouldn't you just be happy about your show being? Yeah, good

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apparently. Mm hmm. I guess I guess she's probably saying that her show she was supposed

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to get more cloud and that's why she did it. Isn't a Shreiner an old man who wears one

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of those little hats. Yeah. So Jamie's actually one of those. You should get her a go kart.

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They used to ride go karts in the parade. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's just old guy for it.

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Right. That's all it is. I think that's what it is. I want to join like a moose lodge.

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Well, I want to join some I'm going to the Mason's. I'm doing some real or the Illuminati

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and the Freemasons are the enemies that the Freemasons are a luminous or are they the same

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are they similar? I listen to a podcast about the Freemasons. I can't remember fucking shit.

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It was like I'm so boring. What about Free Jason? Yeah, seriously, Free Jason. We actually

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have over. Yeah, they're doing Free Jason or Free Willy. It's the same thing. Yeah.

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Because I'm a big fat whale. Nice. So. Free Willy is good. I was researching Asian stuff

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and I was looking at the Japanese flag. It's just like a red circle. You know, it's just

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like a red dot and I'm like, like that. Why isn't that India's flag or red dot? Yeah.

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What is India's flag? They're appropriate. India's culture is basically like that. It's

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like the Irish flag. Yeah, it's the Irish flag. I was about to say I made the same joke

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just as you were saying. It's just I said it's just a British flag because they were

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fucking whatever. They were dominated by Britain. No, I know. But it's really funny that they

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became independent and it took Ireland's flag. Yeah, they became completely independent

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of the British Empire and they're next to our neighbor's flag. What do you want to be

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creative? Actually, India kind of dominated England too because they love tea and fucking

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they have Indian food everywhere. It's like the best food you can get at England. Like

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they culturally dominated and then we're talking about to you. Why don't we just say something

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gets them in here? What are you drinking? Oh yeah, I'm drinking cool steeper club tea.

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Oh hell yeah. Kenyan black just like Barack Obama. Nice. And yeah, go ahead. Actually,

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this might be cranberry black. It's a little fruity or it's cranberry Kenyan black. I think

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it takes because it takes a cranberry. Yeah. Yeah. And I go the cranberries didn't have

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any black people. That's true. Yeah. They were Irish. I think going back to Ireland.

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Maybe they were black Irish. Jason, where is this was where can I get my hands on some

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of the cool steeper club dot com. Awesome. Any discounts? Yeah, there's a discount.

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Actually, if you sign up with bad comedy, you get 25% off and it's our podcast. We

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get money from that 25% off. Yeah. That's like stealing paying. That's basically free.

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Your first order subscription. Yeah. Isn't that is free? It's basically free with if

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you count inflation. Yeah. I've been I've been taking a lot of financial classes. It's

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free. Yeah. So put in bad comedy and it's free if you count inflation from like 10

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years ago. Yeah. And making money by buying. Yeah. It's an investment. We should start

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like a side business so we could like side hustle. Yeah, like bad comedy, something

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kind of exploiter. Like you do like a live show or something. Maybe we could do something

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with all the knives we have. Like we cut your. Bring in your sandwich. We'll cut it.

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We'll cut things. That would be good. And then you know that old commercial where they'd

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say that's not half. It was breaking apart some kind of biscuit or something. I don't

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know this commercial, but this is the ASOP's fable, right? Yeah, where there's two things

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fighting over a piece of cheese and then the monkey breaks in half because it's not even

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he takes a bite and then he ends up beating all the cheese. So actually, but now it's

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even territory battles that have been settled by you make one person decide which what's

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half the other person sets the half line. Where's this and then the other the first

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person gets to decide which half they want. I don't know. Oh, that's smart. Me and Mac

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were splitting like Jerry Mandarin pizza. Then Mac gets to decide. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I

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always like to pick. Yeah. Yeah. So that you have to do it. Beauty. Yeah. Genius. It's

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simple. Mm hmm. What I do is we actually did that with the baby is I cut a big one when

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I'm the cutter and then I say, I take the big one. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, while I have

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the knife instead of cutting it, I stab them and I do the whole thing. Dude, it's way smarter.

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Yeah. We actually had the dispute over a baby and Solomon said cut it in half and I said,

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fine, I get to cut in half and you get to pick the bigger half. Yeah. Well, my culture

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we call him sovereign in. Okay. So much pizza this year. I stopped eating the crust just

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at 30. I stopped eating the crust. I just stopped when I was a little kid. Right. So

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how many crust particles are going to forever be part of my right? Wait, why do you hate

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the crust? What's the issue? Well, just when you eat pizza in such a high amount, it's

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a you know, you're just like this is just contributing to my say it again, brother.

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Oh, you're trying to lose weight. So you're cutting the crust off. Well, I wouldn't say

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that. What's that thing? You are losing weight. What's that thing people say that either? So

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I'm gaining it. I don't want to just add on extra cross. It's not that good. Yeah. What's

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that thing people say again? I was talking about for the podcast. It's not say it again.

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It's like, or that's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking

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about. I was like, oh, also that's what I'm talking about. Is it the same thing? So if

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you respond to someone say that's what I'm talking about. I'm like, no, that's what

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I'm talking about. Look who's talking to you. I'm talking about to you. Yeah. And then what

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was the other one? Analyze this. Yeah, no, tell me about it. And sometimes I feel like

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I'll see people. Someone's on board already. And then they say, you know what I'm saying?

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You know what I'm saying? They'll throw in an extra, you know what I'm saying? And I

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say, I don't never do that. Yeah. Well, what I do is I say, yes, I'm actually I say no,

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because I'm not listening because I'm probably focused on something else. Yeah, you don't

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even respond all the time. Yeah, I was watching interrogation videos and they were saying

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I watched so many of those now. It's bad. You ever see the one where they're like, if

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you do that, it actually indicates you're probably lying when you keep on trying to

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affirm like, do you know what I mean? And like, you know, I'm saying, like you really

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try to convince them to believe what you're saying. The thing is, if you just believed

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it, you just be like, you wouldn't need to qualify. The thing with those videos is the

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analysts, they have very conflicting things a lot of the time. So like, it can mean that

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they're being truthful because they're so because they're so comfortable about saying

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it, but it could be alive because they're trying to be truthful. It's like, well, okay,

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I like there. I listened to you said there's no real way to know anything for sure. And

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there are like, not because you can't because everyone's different really. But I mean, I

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took like nonverbal and verbal communication classes in college. I think our autistic friend

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Dylan would have failed that class. It's more what they're dealing with. What they have

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to do is like, you have to notice a pattern of stuff with their verbal and nonverbals.

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Because some people like, I'm just talking to his hands all the time. And he's Egyptian.

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What a totally pointless class to take knowing that you go into the world of comedy where

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everyone's autistic and nonverbals mean nothing to anybody. You know, it's like college really

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doesn't prepare you for life. Yeah, the whole class on nonverbals only to find out that

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in 2024, half of the people I've known in my life are autistic and can't understand

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college. I'd say more like college crap crap crap. When you're a kid, you think I'm never

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going to need a couch. Yeah, I will. He has fraternal instincts. Did you go? What did

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you major in Tesla? Business, which is a huge mistake. You don't need a degree. Well, I

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it's very bad business. But on the college, it's good business business. Tell me a degree.

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There's no business like show business. I started off as a business major. But the business

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school at Iowa was real tough. And I was not good at math. And they did those accounting

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classes and shit. Now I was like, I don't need to learn this fake math. Like also also

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stats where they give like fake like fake numbers and fake things. I'm like like imaginary

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numbers. I'm never going to need this. A calculator is going to do this. So I'm just going to

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take I'm just going to be a communications major, which is way easier and drink for

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four years. News to graduate and then I'll just still do business with a calculator.

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Communication really is business. It's not about my son told me is a communications major.

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I wish you would have never communicated that. I'm happy. Yeah, I standard deviated my way

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out of that major. I found out that people with the bachelor's I read a study of people

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with a bachelor's degree in philosophy have more upward mobility and raises in a company

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than people with the MBA. Really? Yeah, for your degree. I thought you had a bachelor's.

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Um, yeah, I got a FAT. Oh, I didn't get a B. A. I got a FAT. Yeah, I got a I got a

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600 pounds on the FAT. What does it matter? What does the master's score? I scored a 600

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pounds. Masters qualifies you to get some jobs over others. Um, it qualifies you to have

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slaves qualifies you to look like a dumb ass in my opinion. And then what's let's do more

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of this. CFA's or accounts, right? Tax accounts. I don't know. Yeah. I think those are professional

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CPU that's computer processing and then CP is HTML. That's hypertext. CP is something

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that Jeff Asma swatches. I did a good joke. There was a guy at the open mic who had cerebral

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palsy. Yeah, but be careful on the free episode. I was gonna. Well, I said I'm so relieved that

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he had cerebral palsy because when I heard the next comedian had CP, I thought we were

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gonna have to call the police. I talked to that guy was cool. He drove. He was great.

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He drove down from like, uh, Milwaukee to see the like, yeah, well, he was said he was

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doing another show too. Yeah, he goes around. He was doing the improv in Milwaukee and he

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said he talked to him for a while. I thought he was saying that his name was Sarah and

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he was a fan of Halsey at the singer. I had no idea he was used. Uh, our word is I thought

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he was talking about cooking and he had a new kind of parsley called cerebral parsley.

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What about like cerebral? That sounds good. Like, is that good with pasta? Yeah, I never

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understood parsley. What? But like, I don't think I don't think restaurants do that much

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anymore, but I remember when I was younger, they would always put a piece of parsley.

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Oh, yeah. Even like on the side of like a grilled cheese when I go to dinner. Yeah, that's

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a decoration, but there are some cooking purposes for it. Yeah. It makes your food kind of tastes

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like fresh. But can we say that parsley is the most pointless bullshit of all time on

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the plate like that? Yes. As a plate ornament, what? And it would be a nice place either.

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It's like, no, it's only a shitty. Yeah, it'd be 24 hour Greek diners. Yeah. Greek diners.

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Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. But those places rule where I grew up. There was three

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24 hour Greek diners and we would drink coffee all night every night. Yeah. And I would not

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go to school. That's awesome. Yeah. I would fight my parents every morning because I'd

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be so tired from staying up all night. Why didn't you get drunk? This is when I would

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get drunk too. Whenever, but we were 16 17. So it was like booze wasn't easy to get when

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I was 13, baby. We had to get a run and party and ever since I started drinking when I was

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14. First drink. Well, that means I'm cool with it. And started smoking when I was 14.

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As well. I started smoking cigarettes at age 14. I started with black and mild. I never

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stopped. I used to smoke like a pack of black and mild today for four black and mild today.

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I should be dead. So it's a lot of black and milds. I drink the wine wood tip. Yeah. I honestly

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those started one. I was like, let me get a wham wood tip. The ones that were like flavored

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started making me sick. Yes, I just had to get the straight up. But but it's funny. It's

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funny the route I took with cigarettes because I thought I was a full cigarette smoker until

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I started vaping. And I started with Newport 100s because I was black for two years of

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high school. Yeah, I started with Newport 100s, which is the harshest cigarette you can

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really get. Those are pretty rough. And so I threw myself from the fire like the first

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time I hit one of those smoked one of those I thought I was like hammered. It was crazy.

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But then I would yeah, I was drunk the first time I smoked and I got that head rush where

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you feel like you're traveling through time. It's like when the Millennium Falcon and all

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the stars come forward like you're like smoking a sick and you're like, Oh, my God. But then

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when I was when I was the process of transitioning from black back to white, I switched to Marlboro

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Menthol lights. Sorry, Marlboro Menthol normals. I spoke a lot of when I was white. My favorite

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mental brand was cool with the K. Yeah. And then I and then when I was white, I started

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smoking Marlboro Reds, the cowboy six. And then I went down to camel blues. I smoked

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reds because there were there are lights. They were real. Huh? I said, I like Jason's

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more. It was real. What was mine? You smoke four packs a day. It's not a real no, no,

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four. I was smoking six at eight. I didn't say I didn't say I didn't say I didn't say

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I smoked four black amounts a day. A pack of black miles is four. You got to smoke the

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whole pack for a pack of black miles a day. I six I smoked a pack a day. Number 27. This

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is my brand, but I would get whatever the buy one get one free was in Indiana. They

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were three 25 when I started smoking. Yeah. So I would just take my lunch money and they

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are always expensive in like a like an anorexic girl. But there is an Eastern European kid

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that went to my school that would sell cigarettes that he would get shipped him from Albania.

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This is making you want to smoke. We're going to get so banned on YouTube. I don't even think

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they like you talking about this shit. It'd be five dollars flat per pack. Yeah. And when

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they would normally be like nine bucks at the store plus you had to try to get to the

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store. I told myself if six got above five bucks, I would quit and I did. Yeah. No, in

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Indiana, there's still like five 50. Oh, they're cheap down there. Yeah. So it's like, if I

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would have said if six bucks and I'll quit, I'd still be smoking. Have you guys seen what

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the Cook County Treasurer looks like? What's that mean? Have you seen what the Cook County

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Treasurer looks like? I'll grab one. I don't know what that is. The treasurer for the county,

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the one who charges the property taxes and everything. Can I have one? The one who has

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all of our tax money. I hear what you're saying, but I don't I don't know who that is. You're

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going to pull the pick. I'm going to actually I'm going to do a cool thing where I should

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get a cigarette sponsor. So what I'm going to do is we talk about smoking. Yeah. So one

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day for Jason for all of these and I'm also going to give you guys Christmas gifts and

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a few things. They got no nicotine. I'm not addicted. So I don't mind giving them out because

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it's not like a yeah, I know you're not like I'm fiending for him. Yeah. But then whenever

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I see people asking for six and bum and six of this thing, yikes, just because a little

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tax that you got just to be social. So it's wild. How comfortable people are asking to

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hit this like 100 times in a night. It's wild. It's like what what is your problem? Just buy

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one. And I'm talking to you dendo. Seymour. I'm talking to you, both my brothers. I'm

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talking to you, Nura. Why do you think that that's okay? You understand when you're hitting

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it that's less for me. And if there's not a store nearby, I have to buy these out of

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the county. So I have to drive. That's how you all get COVID put your mouth out that

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so don't ask me to hit my vape. Okay. Yeah, ever again. Do you know what I found out the

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vapes are actually made out of? What bats from a wet market? That's why everyone got

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COVID because they're smoking vapes too much. I was trying to quit bad. You can't talk about

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that word. Oh, wait a minute. I did. I said Stovid. Oh, Krovin Krovin. This is the bird

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flu Krovin. We're bullshitters. This episode is fucked for YouTube. I'm sorry. It's fine.

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I don't think you're supposed to talk about tobacco either because I might twist your

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hands and shit anymore. There's too many things for real. I honestly started thinking was it

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has it been the only thing you're allowed to talk about is how women don't get booked

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enough and come. We're working on we get more per capita than males. That should be the

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video so much more per capita. Let's get that per capita number. Let's do the real math

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there and then unless you're really unless you're really bad like we should look we should

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add up everyone. I'll do my followers. Add up all the male comics I have and female comic

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we'll do the no show. Somebody did that. They posted published in the reader. What are you

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talking to Joe about as long time ago. There's it was a woman who made the article and the

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stats were completely bullshit and they said it was like men were getting booked way more.

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Oh my but they but they base it on the idea that half the people in the comedy scene were

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women which is just not true. It's like no it didn't do per capita. I guess you guys

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are real quick. The people that people can see this published it because they're unscrupulous

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just math. You can't get mad at us for math. Guys look at this. Sorry it's on the screen

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so this is the Cook County treasurer. This is the woman who or who's doubled my tax bill

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by property tax bill since I moved in three years ago. None of our patrons have no but

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also all the other all the other tax losing people. This is all. We lost people. Nobody

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has losses. These are all the taxes but it gets us money. It's an ad. It does. It's never

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gotten us money. Shut up. Listen to me. Listen to me. This is not just property taxes. This

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lady is it's all taxes. Their county go to her cigarette tax is anything. Look at what

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she's wearing. She buys these designer jackets with it. Cool. I'm going to run. I'm going

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to vote for her. She didn't find that on the bus. Unless you start dressing like that.

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I'm not voting for you. This is the definition of Cook County. This right here and she's

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been the fucking. I'm sorry to tell you this Mac but I'm going to vote for her over you

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and let you start wearing that hat. Don't don't escape from OBS please. Okay. If you

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don't wear a fuzzy hat like that I don't even want to come on the podcast. If you're the

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church send me that picture I want to dress like that. I'll show it to you later. What's

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her name. How to add to Maria. Papis or who Papis is a cool name. It's a Greek. I used

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to know a girl in elementary school named Mindy Papis. Shout out to Mindy wherever you are

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Mindy. I hope you're doing good. I don't when I was in the first grade I had a crush on

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Stephanie Felker Robertson. You were playing a game. I don't have a crush on Stephanie

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Robertson. I prefer the doors to the Ramon. We're in anyway. I had a crush on Stephanie

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Felker and we were playing the game in indoor recess and then you asked to play and Stephanie

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said yes and in my head I wanted to say no but I knew that there was that was just you

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know recess kind of ruled. No it doesn't show recess. It did in my school. Tell me why.

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Because they had this cool like those. It's like a plastic thing. It's not a skateboard

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thing but would you go to the gym. There is like four little wheels on the bottom like

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like like a little wheels like that. Yeah. It's like a square and you just sit on it.

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Because you go to the gym. Yeah. You just square. For indoor recess you go to the gym.

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A lot of schools have too many kids to go to the gym so they have to stay in their classroom

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like we did and that sucked. I worked as a recess monitor for four years. I'm sort of

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an expert in this area. Okay. What are those called. Okay. Reses monitor. Those things that

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you those things wheels on them. I actually don't know. I know exactly what you're talking

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about. We had them too. Jeff Asimus definitely knows. Yeah. Me and Jeff work together and

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the Abramson worked at that job too actually. Oh weird. Another person that I might suspect

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of Jeff Asimus crime. Well some black. I don't know why if you if you wanted to be more approachable

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to children. Why does he have that mustache. No. He should look younger. No. It's because

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he doesn't have that mustache. It makes him look older. He's trying to look black. Children

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don't relate with him. No. You don't know why he doesn't fake mustache all the time.

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It's because when he's doing this of the kids. Yeah. He doesn't have mustache on and he

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puts on for disguise. I thought it was because he was trying to trick Chinese social credit

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face sensors. No. It's so when he's in a lineup they're like he didn't have a mustache. Yeah.

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It can't be him. Every lineup needs a mustache guy and a bearded lady. Who was that guy with

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cerebral palsy who came to the mic. He was cool. I forgot his name. We should have him

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play Tom Ryan in a game of operation. It'd be like on ice. Tom Ryan versus

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Stephen Hawking. Speaking of Tom Ryan go to patreon.com slash bad comedy for all guest

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episodes that have ever been made. Dylan hates ads. I just we're costing ourselves the future.

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People aren't turning off. And then Dylan every time you do that it causes this which

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is non content. I thought maybe it could be a charming recurring bit. I always ruin the

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ads. No it's not charming. It's it's it's harming. It's her it's harming. Yeah. It's

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her ads. But guys check out all the guest episodes in every episode that was made for

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for about two years before we put anything public on patreon.com slash bad comedy. And

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then also if you join you'll be a member of an exclusive club. An army of baddies. It's

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kind of when you would never be a part of any club that would have me as a member. Yeah.

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Exactly. So I want to get invited on Aaron Chase's podcast. Yeah that's a good part.

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Should we do Aaron Chase's podcast. We should as a team. Or let's tell you. I'll tell you

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the type of club I want to be a part of a club soda. Nice. I don't drink alcohol. So

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I like a nice club soda at the bar. If Aaron Chase would put himself on video during it

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then you ever go to the soda. You ever go to the soda farm play Jackson and stuff like

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that. Good. Yeah. I'll take my date there. I'll say give me a milkshake. Two straws.

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Nice. Yeah. Exactly. Milkshakes. I feel like a milkshake is the thing that makes people

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fat. Did you see Tyler Fowler. Is it melted ice cream that you're drinking. Yeah. It's

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like can I get dairy but thicker. That's what it's a dairy. Back from always Sony said

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he drank ice cream to get fat. Bodybuilders will drink ice cream to bulk up sometimes.

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Yeah. It's just a little bit probably with protein powder in there. Yeah. Did you see

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Tyler Fowler like ordered a milkshake when he was sitting with some guy and they came

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back and gave him one with two straws. No that's hilarious. Yeah. He was like they thought

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I was gay. That's a vibe. He's not. He's not one of his bits or is that real. If you

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post on like a story he's not gay. I was not having to make Pandia were gay. I thought

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he was I saw him having sex in the bathroom of CG's. Well they actually have a third

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now they have a they have a woman of color. Yeah. Team US. Yeah. So what's banded they're

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more diverse now. They're the business comics. They sure as not team us. You got to respect

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the is it. Oh I thought it was team US forever than someone clarified to me that is team

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us. I refuse to believe how about team you. Let's be team them. Yeah. Team you. Team they

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them. Team they them. The future is not binary folks. You really want us. Get out of your

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head. The gopuff things here. I'm going to go get it. Go puff. This is not an ad for

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go. Salting. Yeah. Well puff is kind of what my belly has been doing. Yeah. Eating donuts

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and you guys don't get go puff. Don't get go puff unless unless go pop. Unless unless

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you know let's go puff. Let's go puff wants to give us money unless it's a magic dragon.

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I'm not puffing it. Yeah. Unless it's paint. Dude. I I I have I have a pain thinner before

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and I was at a party. Everyone was super fucked up and then I was walking around with the

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pain thinner can just huffing in being like thinner thinner chicken dinner. Thank you.

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Not like anyone want to hit this. You know some people did. Pain thinner. What is Jason

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Huff right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry how he got that way. He orders milkshakes extra thick.

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Andy Warhol tried to make a Jason thing. He ran out of pain because he was only trying

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to make just one version of him. And it's sad. You know you want to try to make a statue

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for Warhol sounds like a chemical alcohol or a piece. I wonder what the what's the chemical

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that's in paint thinner. It's probably so like Andy. It's probably called Andy Warhol.

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It's kind of paint. Yeah. So we're saying that we're talking about huffing paint thinner

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Jason and then thinking what is Jason Huff paint thicker. Yeah. You've huff paint thicker

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because I have paint thinner or you know it's kind of funny. So you have a thicker.

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Hold on. Let me kiss my breath. Yeah. We need it when Dale walks up those stairs. It's

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about 20 minutes. So it's his breath. How was Dale doing. I think he's mad at me still

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from the live show. Oh he was so mad about that. We've texted because he he I was like

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super busy on the Monday when he had that mic and he posted like this is last night

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bartending in it. Oh really. I texted him but I guess he's not doing Mondays anymore.

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Oh it's the last night. He was probably just doing that as a lie to get people out. Joey

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Diaz made fun of Tom Segura for doing a Sunday show. He said put that in your contract. I'm

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not a fucking loser. I'm not doing Sunday shows. What you just add a list. I don't like

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Joey Diaz at all. I think he's a compulsive liar. You think so because like the master

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bullshitters they will trick you. Yeah. I think it's a real story. I think he's a compulsive

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liar. I hate I still my friend I guess. I'm not going to name him but he's a compulsive

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liar all of college and call him out all like. No. You guys don't know. He's only friend

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of yours that I know from like before the podcast. Yeah. Well you've got my roommate Jack Walsh

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probably before I know Joe Walsh. You guys ever. Yeah. Last being good to me. Yeah.

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Well. Well. That's a really good song. Actually like do you I feel like are you guys more one

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liner or storyteller comics. Neither. I'm somewhere in the middle. I can see myself

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like a kind of truth teller. Yeah. Yeah. Not a bullshitter like Joe Diaz. Yeah. What I

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say is yeah if I'm talking to Joey Diaz I say you can't bullshit a bullshitter. Yeah.

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I don't lie. I just buy this bullshit. I don't like can't. Appreciate that. Yeah. I don't

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like being labeled you know just kind of put me in a box as an artist. Yeah. Kind of going

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to break the box. I mean I don't do the one line. I mean my jokes are normally like two

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minutes long. There's not enough time for a story. It's tough because it is funny or

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when it's a longer story. Well it depends. It's got to be really good. Yeah. Or else

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00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:26,000
it's a waste of everyone's time. You guys see my clip I shared of Norm. I don't I'll

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see it at some point and I'll like all your posts. I don't because I'm too busy. I'm too

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busy making content. Who's Norm. Who's Norm. He's he's it's about co-parenting. It's on

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my Facebook so you can check that out. That's a guy that's a guy that. Oh yeah let's do

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some ads for Dylan's Facebook. That's the guy that sounds like Jason right. Love water

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and it's free. Why does it why does Norm. Let's do some ads for water now. Just need

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a simple hydrogen and oxygen. Responsible water everybody. Yeah. Make sure you. Check

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00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:06,040
out. We were sponsored by boss water. Talk to the. By getting free boss water. Drink

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00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:11,800
it while you can. I believe there is a massive flood about 12,000 years ago that washed away

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and kind of covered up the ancient civilization that was far more advanced than us. No that

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never happened. I believe it happened. It's not even show me the article show me the article

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from MSNBC or Fox News. Somebody had to do this joke is God like the ultimate like school

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shooter. Yeah. Like he told like no and not to go to school the next day. And then he

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flooded the earth. That's pretty good. He should do that. Has that been done. I think

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in high school one time I said it feels like it would have been done. No. That's awesome.

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And until you see it or someone points it out and you just do you think natural disasters

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now natural disasters are just like popular like population control kind of. God was a

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school flutter but he was trying to control the population. I think I said that in history

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class to a teacher is like I was like do you think that natural disasters are just kind

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of like God's like population control or something. I feel like I was like no. They

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would want to beat God's in a way. So it makes sense. I'm kind of a God. I'm kind of a God.

373
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:22,480
God is kind of a narcissist. I'm kind of I'm kind of a God but I don't have a complex.

374
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:30,360
I've got I've got simple. It's not that complex. I just am God. Yeah. So to be complex. There's

375
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:34,960
nothing complex about it. I don't have shooter tendencies. Well we're talking about God is

376
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:39,760
he's kind of the biggest school shooter of all time. He's a school flutter. Yeah. And

377
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:45,520
that's you know I never liked school so I don't give a shit. Yeah. That's true. But

378
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:50,560
amen. But maybe not school shooter. Maybe I mean because more of it kills a bunch of

379
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:57,760
people. What about Santa Claus. He's kind of got a hit list. He checks it twice. He's

380
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:01,680
always like you're naughty. I'm naughty. And then he puts a stick on it lays back.

381
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:06,880
I can't. I was always emotional going through that.

382
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:13,320
Reliving the nightmare of discovering that Christmas is not real really. And we just

383
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:18,320
got past holiday season. But it's obvious. It's more it's more real than the Kwanzaa.

384
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:23,000
Well yeah it's been named one person that celebrates Kwanzaa.

385
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:29,320
Zach O'Ryan. Yeah. Okay. You got me pretty easy actually. Okay. Name two people. I believe

386
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:33,400
Joe Biden celebrates it but he doesn't know what he's celebrating. Yeah. We honestly just

387
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:38,920
put a party hat on him and tell him it's his birthday. Yeah. I mean people are really quick

388
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:44,720
to have these examples. Things they do to wait. Can I make a holiday. Can we just make

389
00:34:44,720 --> 00:34:50,080
holidays and if enough people like follow along with it then it could be a thing. I'll do it.

390
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,400
I'll do it. We can get it started. I'll do it. Let's get it started in here. You should

391
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,400
have a Crohn's Awareness Day. That's the best thing you can get from Crohn's. And everyone

392
00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:00,320
that has Crohn's gets a day off to take a vacation. I like this idea. Crohn's holiday.

393
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:04,200
They only celebrate the awareness. What's going to be some of the traditions. Like who

394
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:12,760
started to teach people about the suffering and the dire consequences and it's completely

395
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:18,400
undeserved. Real. You get a bush. You get a bush. You decorate it with toilet paper.

396
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:26,000
And you just get it in your 20s for some reason normally and like you do it for no reason.

397
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:31,480
You sit on the toilet for four hours. The traditional food is broth and jello. Very

398
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:36,280
stuff that doesn't agitate your belly. You're literally not supposed to eat vegetables.

399
00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:44,280
Yeah. Yeah. You're supposed to eat like fibers. Fiberous and like hard vegetables I guess.

400
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,760
I just remember my brother would get sick and then he'd go to the hospital and they

401
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:51,600
would just give him broth and jello. That was all he would eat. Well I was thinking about

402
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:55,280
it. I mean you can eat a lot of food but they just don't want you to eat food that's tough

403
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:59,240
for your body to break down. So I just. This was like during a crazy flare up where he

404
00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:03,240
was hostile. He's like literally on an IV and stuff. Yeah. So I just eat a bunch of pizza.

405
00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:06,800
You think like drinking soda is good for you because it probably kills everything that

406
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:13,720
encounters. Yeah dude. Coca-Cola. If it's besides for your teeth. But it might just. It takes

407
00:36:13,720 --> 00:36:19,520
down all the posters that the germs put up on your belly's wall. Yeah. That's good.

408
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:24,000
Coca-Cola. What about that peel off the Jason. You kind of look like that. That guy from

409
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:30,200
the next commercial that big booger. Hey leave me alone. They should they should sue Shrek.

410
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:36,600
The next. Yeah I don't know which game first. I don't know. Yeah it's kind of chicken in

411
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,880
the egg thing. You know. There's somebody else who used to call them you said next

412
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:43,760
booger. I'm having trouble remembering what what. What about Dick. It's like Sam Dick in

413
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:48,920
the egg. You know who does the voice for the music next commercial is TJ Miller. I thought

414
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:53,320
it was TJ Max. So in the in the post people have accused Sam Taylor and sounded like TJ

415
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:57,880
Miller. Yeah. But he stole that from him. Yeah. So maybe he should be the music. Oh.

416
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:04,160
Wait. Shout out to Sam friend of the. Yeah I forgot. I'm so used to him being in me. That's

417
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:08,440
tough for me to. I'm looking out for Sam. He posted a picture on an Instagram of some

418
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:13,440
animal spine out in the desert and I sent a message. Be careful Sam. Sam I like you. I'm

419
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:17,280
looking out for Sam. Sam I like you except for that you sent Robbie Flanagan upstairs

420
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:23,520
to get people to leave. We don't know. We don't know. Do you know that. What. We think

421
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:27,720
he did right. Well you said he winked on the way to Rob. Well he. So everyone's leaving

422
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:31,280
and I wait around because I'm just going to say bye. And honestly I was ready to leave.

423
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:34,360
I'd been there for hours. Yeah we were there for a long time and then Sam goes I didn't

424
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:39,720
tell anybody to leave. The thing is I just everyone had already left. They kicked everyone

425
00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:45,240
out. The thing is I didn't know what I was going to do next. So I just left because I

426
00:37:45,240 --> 00:37:49,080
didn't want to be rude. Yeah they had to get rid of everything so they had to get rid of

427
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:53,680
everybody so Nishad Barrow could come up there and tell me my idea for Frazier two is bad.

428
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:58,760
Fuck you Nishad. It's a good idea. Yeah Frazier two is going to be sweet. He's pregnant Nishad

429
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:04,360
Barrow that idea. Yeah. I fail at making it. There's a Dan joke steel mo and Nishad Barrow

430
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:13,840
yo joke. Yeah. Yeah. How about how about Nishad Burrows and his brothers with Nate Burrows.

431
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:20,640
Anyway yeah so anyway Dan Dan the man of steel shortly after Sam told me you know I was

432
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:29,080
the Dan of steel the Dan of super Dan super Dan the Dan of steel the Dan of steel. He

433
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:30,840
had the Dan of steel. You can steal jokes faster than a train. Dude we should spend months

434
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:36,600
making a movie that's super Dan Dan is like a full like a full feature film. That would

435
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:41,560
be awesome. Yeah. Like it'd be like exactly like a man in a 60s and like having a fight

436
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:45,760
scene that destroys New York. Yeah. Yeah. He steals all these jokes. Some of us a good

437
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:50,040
guy and then Lex Luthor is trying to get jokes back to the people or it after he says Superman

438
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:55,840
would be like super non binary person. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Super well super super

439
00:38:55,840 --> 00:39:02,320
Dan super Dan Dan super they super they and they're super they they wrote how about he

440
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:07,560
the super Dan and he just he like kills people who misgender them. How about they how about

441
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:14,560
they for Dan help you. Yeah. Just he can see his X-ray vision can see through these V for

442
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:19,720
Dan Veta. That's good. What's up with all these for some of those peruvian comics on

443
00:39:19,720 --> 00:39:25,400
the scene being creepy like a coolio and if I had if I had he wants he wants to follow

444
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:31,040
him. He wants to put him on the line and he can tell his story. I think everyone should

445
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:35,680
have a way to save. He said he's going through. So shout out to Fahad. He asked us to come

446
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:40,640
on the podcast and tell his side of the story. He's been banned from many open mics. I don't

447
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,880
know what's happened. I'm not I haven't been a part of banning him. I guess he doesn't come

448
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:48,440
to my open mic because somebody at my open mic wanted to fight him over this. But but

449
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:52,000
he threw so you think you've been threatened to fight Joe though. So he's scared. He's

450
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:56,480
scared to fight this person. I think I think the messages that someone shared with us that

451
00:39:56,480 --> 00:40:01,240
was about him threatening them. Bond Trigger wanted to fight him. But he deleted all those

452
00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:06,520
messages. He did Adam Crescietti really bonded Adam Crescietti threatened Dan and then deleted

453
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:11,120
all his messages. That's why screenshots are key because. Oh and their screenshot. All

454
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:16,320
right. So I read them. So someone that sounds like Lotus. I screen shot everything. I think

455
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:21,480
Bond Trigger was like hey buddy get out of get off of my turf. I'm the creep around here.

456
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:26,080
Shout out to all the slow girls in the comedy. Yeah. I'm the only creep in these. Shout out

457
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,880
to the girls with downs. I want to get the extra attention. Yeah. The girls with downs

458
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:36,040
who are trying to get down. She was she was trying to nag you last night which is whoa

459
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:42,200
whoa whoa whoa. Careful. Yeah. I don't know if Michael Robinson gave you the past. Yeah

460
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:47,080
I am the past. I could I could say nagged us three combined can give someone the past.

461
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:52,800
Hey I want to finish this. What about the girl past. What is that. Is if you had the

462
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,320
first present second part. I just want to finish that thought about Sam T. before we

463
00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:01,120
move on after Sam the guy came up he kicked everyone out and then Sam said to me oh I

464
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:05,000
didn't kick anyone out you could stay and then I saw Sam look over at him and give

465
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:09,160
him kind of like a knowing nod. Yeah. Just being like don't fuck this up. I think it

466
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:14,080
was kind of like you did. We made this. We did this perfectly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

467
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:19,640
he he loved doing that to you right there too. What. Just being like I'm lying to your

468
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:27,520
face right now. I think he was cool with me staying but he was definitely lying. Yeah.

469
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:32,840
So I gave him a ride to the hotel at the other night and he's like you're always invited.

470
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:36,920
Oh no that's like he's at like a fucking Italian mob. No but that almost makes it sound like

471
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:41,680
some people aren't. Yeah. It makes it like you just wanted me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

472
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:45,520
I held I held a knife up to his throne. I said I go where I want anyway. Yeah. I thought

473
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:50,320
about the body. Hey Sam I don't need your invitation. Sam I want to know if the purpose

474
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:54,880
in the green room is any Sam I want to know if the you having Robbie Flanagan if I would

475
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:58,320
tell a military school with tell people to leave the green room if you're not on the

476
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:02,560
show was because you just want me to leave. It would have been cool if Alex London was

477
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:07,080
here. I think it was just too cost. It was just a night. Yeah. Too many extra people.

478
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:11,960
There was a lot of people out there. No. Mixing these guys up. Alex Luchin Nathan Lund though

479
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:18,440
that's the combo. I mean yeah but if you just add a better thing long to combo than pretzel

480
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:21,720
and cheese. I mean that might have been the that might have been the coolest green room

481
00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:27,400
I've been in like my heroes Luchin and yeah but if we just had those two on the pod Sam

482
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:32,600
Taylor it's way funnier for a name. Nathan Lund. Yeah. It's cool you got to meet Lund.

483
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:37,560
I know I was like oh my gosh. But you were star struck. So if we had those two right

484
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:42,880
here. If we had those two here that's a better hang. Yeah Sam Talent the more I hear about

485
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:48,280
them the less I like the guy. I keep asking Nathan to write a book. I won't lose him.

486
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:54,040
Sam Talent is a manipulator or he pretends to be your friend one moment he back stabs

487
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,960
you the next moment. He has Robbie playing kick out of the green room. He's a climber.

488
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:02,920
He's climbed his way out of the Joe Rogan podcast and then fell down and so that's why

489
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:07,560
he didn't fall down. We have a direct connection with the Joe Rogan podcast so we intended

490
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:12,160
to be my friend. Am I crazy or I think Joe Rogan has a small head. And I think he's

491
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:18,720
a small guy. Oh Brandon's walking up. I'm a tiny man. Nope. We need to do more time.

492
00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:26,800
What are we at. That's kind of a numbers conversation. Well because he has to leave on the history

493
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:36,080
of early like always. So we got to do 16 and a half more minutes. OK. Well it's he's a

494
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:43,080
grand as early as I'll let him up. We can go. Tell my HBO Max. OK. My issue should be

495
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:49,800
a Mac. So this is HBO. I said on stage Mac history month folks. Let me tell you a little

496
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:56,000
about my past. And then I did the 9 11 joke. So this is all just kind of off of riffing

497
00:43:56,000 --> 00:44:01,240
on stage. So I said I said right off the bat. I was like oh this is you guys haven't seen

498
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:08,880
me around. I've I've been going. I've been busy with work. I go door to door and knock

499
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:15,400
on different doors because I went to this Jay Z concert. I'm a hovis witness now. And

500
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:21,960
I said just kidding. I've been studying to renew my stock license because I want to be

501
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:27,720
a stock broker again. Have you ever. And then I was like let me. I was like reason I'm doing

502
00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:34,160
this is is well it's back history month. I'll tell you a little bit about my background.

503
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:39,440
And I did the 9 11 joke with the Del Vante tag. So you have a good credit score out.

504
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:43,760
That was the first set I've done in a long long time and a crush. So have you ever heard

505
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:51,320
of the you sit down with Jay Z at dinner or you take 500 K. So is the wisdom that he could

506
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:56,240
give you in that dinner. No I would take the money in this instant. And I heard people

507
00:44:56,240 --> 00:45:01,880
say if you did the lunch then he would just say you're so dumb for not taking the money

508
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:05,560
the whole time. Yeah. It's a try about Nathan lunch. I think

509
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:11,240
I think Brandon. I think I'm going to free. I think if I went to dinner with Jay Z then

510
00:45:11,240 --> 00:45:16,560
I would get more retarded. Yeah. I don't respect Jay Z ever since he

511
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:21,680
backed down to Beyonce when she wrote lemonade. He didn't. He kind of pussied out. I thought

512
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:26,840
he was like a cool like badass. No he's not gangster. Do people think he's a genius or

513
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:32,720
something. Why is that even a question. I'm not a business man. I'm a business man.

514
00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:36,440
Yeah. Because he's the question he proposed was a half million dollars in dinner with

515
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:39,160
Jay Z. Half million dollars in a second I would take.

516
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:42,800
And some people would say you want to get this. What would it would knowledge is he

517
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:46,240
had. I would spend a half million dollars. He would say to you.

518
00:45:46,240 --> 00:45:49,680
Do whatever is best for his family. He said don't be a businessman. Be a business.

519
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:54,760
I want to tell Jay Z to his face. I didn't like that OJ song. Why are you telling people

520
00:45:54,760 --> 00:46:01,320
to invest in paintings. Dumb as hell dude. I like where you're going to buy.

521
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:08,680
What good does that do anybody. So I discovered that Gucci main doesn't you

522
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:15,040
say Gucci man La Flair La Flair. He doesn't say that anymore. So it's still his Instagram

523
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:20,840
name I think. Oh really. But he doesn't say it in the songs. He's always say it. So I

524
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:25,680
like Gucci man La Flair is pre pre prison Gucci fat Gucci.

525
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:32,120
Oh I like fat Gucci main. I'm a huge fan of fat Gucci main but I still like Gucci.

526
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:35,760
But you don't like his clone. I like Gucci main La Flair. Yeah.

527
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:40,480
I like Gucci man La Flair a lot more. They clone Gucci main Tyrone.

528
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:45,360
Uh huh. Yeah. That's so funny that that's actually a real thing. A real like conspiracy.

529
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:48,200
Yeah. They got brought up. You know it's crazy though.

530
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:54,040
That's Kelly Robinson. They really do look way different though. Like pre and post jail

531
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:58,360
like Gucci main looks like a different person. Like yeah he does to me. Oh dude. Like fat

532
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:02,720
Gucci main versus like he came out of jail like jacked and like in shape and he looks

533
00:47:02,720 --> 00:47:07,400
great and he like doesn't rap about lean anymore and stuff. Can you imagine how terrifying

534
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:11,000
just like Tyson coming out of prison must have been.

535
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:22,000
Does that show is our ribbon. He should do comedy. Yeah. Um my Tyson should do comedy.

536
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:28,120
But no but it's kind of funny like a guy afraid to box him or fight him and it's like you

537
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:33,240
should see what he do if you're a woman. You're gonna hear something wild.

538
00:47:33,240 --> 00:47:36,440
I don't know what. Yeah I mean there's like a you can knock you out.

539
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:39,560
That case is weird because I think a lot of people don't believe it and they just like

540
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:45,360
Mike Tyson is not canceled. Like he's just around. Kelly Robinson is a DJ and he like

541
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:49,400
he like opened or DJed for David Allen Coe. Oh wow.

542
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:54,240
Did you see the thing Michael Myers posted. And David Allen Coe is like wildly sorry real

543
00:47:54,240 --> 00:47:59,320
quick that David Allen Coe is like known for being at least at least now like wild. No

544
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,520
one knows. I don't know. I think he's a country guy who Mack likes.

545
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:08,040
He is extremely famous and Brandon will know who he is. One time I served coffee to David

546
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:15,040
Schwimmer. I mean just look up who he is. You know David Schwimmer wrote the song.

547
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:22,680
No but but I guess Kelly said he walked in the thing and they warned him like David like

548
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:27,520
might be a little bit like he's a pocket or races. Hey man. He's a little David Allen

549
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:31,000
Coe. It turned out new people. Turn out he's a super cool guy.

550
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:34,440
How about David Allen Crow. David Brian Crow.

551
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:38,600
Go in and have someone say that about you and then have to explain who you are at the

552
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:44,440
same time. Hey man that guy was a little racist. I mean he's also a country because you don't

553
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:48,440
know like any musicians or anything. Doesn't mean that the rest of the world doesn't know

554
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:51,000
who these people are. Like you can look up who he is.

555
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,440
Dude you could tell by looking at Dylan he knows who Eminem is.

556
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:59,080
Yeah. I'm not even one of my beanie. You don't know any movies or any music. You don't know

557
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,880
anything so just because you don't know it doesn't mean that other people don't know

558
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,560
anything. Yeah but Jason doesn't know it and he knows a lot of music.

559
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:07,720
He just knows rap. I don't listen to country.

560
00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:11,400
You too is a public background. I like some of that old stuff.

561
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:16,040
It's not a rap podcast. I like some of that old country music like all my rowdy friends.

562
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:18,800
Yeah. That kind of shit. That's Hank Williams Jr.

563
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:22,480
Yeah. You do listen to country rap. I always forget which Hank Williams I like and which

564
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:25,280
ones I don't. It's only Hank. It's only Hank Williams Jr.

565
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:30,160
What about Hank the third. I remember I listened to a lot of outlaw country when I worked in

566
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:33,080
the kitchen. The you know you would always play outlaw country.

567
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:38,280
You probably never really listened to Hank Williams Sr. much because his was even though

568
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:42,640
he's like the godfather of it. Yeah. He kind of gave birth to it wasn't really outlaw

569
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:44,880
himself. I don't like pop country and shit.

570
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:46,880
Yeah. No. Hey that shit.

571
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:49,920
I like a Badonkadonk song though. Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.

572
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:51,920
That's a good one. Yeah.

573
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:56,320
Oh I like Red Solo Cup. I feel you up.

574
00:49:56,320 --> 00:50:01,160
Let's have a party. Yeah. I like the Red Solo Cup song.

575
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:03,160
I don't like the low place. The song.

576
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:07,120
I like the song. It didn't tell me Keith write a song like that was anti-terrorist after

577
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:09,120
9 11. That song is amazing.

578
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:10,120
That's cool.

579
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:12,120
The oceanally moved by this song.

580
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,120
No. There was so much trash.

581
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:17,120
In between episodes. It's so funny.

582
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:18,120
It's like.

583
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:20,320
That was a thing. He's like he money.

584
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,320
He's like I'll kick your fucking ass.

585
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:28,320
He's like I have something to say in Taliban like a shoot a rocket up a camel's ass something

586
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:29,320
like that.

587
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:35,440
If 9 11 happened now just imagine what all social media would look like even when I was

588
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:39,320
a kid it was like we'd have to write letters or make projects about it.

589
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:40,320
Yeah.

590
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:45,320
And it's like you don't have to make it about 9 11 but that's the easy a what would have

591
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:47,320
been 311 happened again.

592
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:50,320
I'd be like not I wasn't allowed to listen to this.

593
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:54,320
I wasn't allowed to write my pen pal Osama bin Laden after 9 11.

594
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:55,320
No.

595
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:56,320
I do.

596
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:58,320
I do like the restaurant Osama bin ladle.

597
00:50:58,320 --> 00:50:59,320
Yeah.

598
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:00,320
Osama bin ladle.

599
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:02,320
Sometimes I have a good soup.

600
00:51:02,320 --> 00:51:05,320
I have twitch emotes Osama bin ladle on my twitch stream.

601
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:06,320
Nice.

602
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:10,320
I made like a little icon at Osama bin Laden's head with a ladle coming down.

603
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:11,320
I want to hop on your streams.

604
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:13,320
I never know what's your schedule.

605
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:17,320
Basically have only been doing Fridays at six but I'm going to do it more.

606
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:20,320
Okay so I've been talking to somebody who knows about twitch and they're going to help

607
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:24,320
me if I want to hop on or tell Benjy to hop on because he likes twitch.

608
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:25,320
Yeah.

609
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,320
So Friday is the one that you always do.

610
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:28,320
Friday is the one I always do.

611
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,320
It's a root beer Friday stream.

612
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:31,320
Okay.

613
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:32,320
6 to 7 p.m. Central time.

614
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:33,320
Okay.

615
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:35,320
So you crack a ice cold root beer.

616
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:36,320
That's another thing too.

617
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:37,320
What about menstrual time?

618
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:38,320
Shield it.

619
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:39,320
I just talked to them.

620
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:40,320
Menstrual time.

621
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:41,320
Uh menstrual time.

622
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:43,320
6 to 7 menstrual time.

623
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:47,320
I'll probably be headline on Instagram live again soon on cocaine.

624
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:48,320
Same things I said.

625
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:50,320
Starting cocaine on camera.

626
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:51,320
Yeah.

627
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:52,320
Were you doing that?

628
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:53,320
I did.

629
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:54,320
No.

630
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,320
Have you ever done cocaine?

631
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:57,320
Yeah.

632
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,320
Couple times and I almost died on this podcast.

633
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:00,320
Oh wait a minute.

634
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:01,320
Now it's here right?

635
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:02,320
Yeah.

636
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,320
I've never tried cocaine.

637
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:05,320
I've never tried it.

638
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:06,320
And it was my fault.

639
00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:07,320
Really?

640
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:10,320
It was my fault for him not having a soiling.

641
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:15,320
I used to have a friend who would do it a lot and then he would corner me and talk about

642
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:18,320
how women shouldn't have jobs and that's the problem with society.

643
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:20,320
And I was like I'm never going to do this drug.

644
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:22,320
I haven't done it in a while.

645
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:26,320
The whole problem with society is that women used to stay home and raise the kids and now

646
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:27,320
they don't.

647
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:28,320
Yeah.

648
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:29,320
Well it's like they can work on their own.

649
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:30,320
It's like giving women jobs.

650
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:31,320
Yeah.

651
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:36,320
The cost benefit of cocaine is very low or very bad.

652
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:42,320
It's so expensive and it goes away every 30 minutes and you have to do more.

653
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,320
And it's not worth it.

654
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:45,320
DMT though.

655
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:46,320
This guy was talking about DMT.

656
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:48,320
You better just take a pill.

657
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:49,320
Yeah.

658
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:50,320
Yeah.

659
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:52,320
On DMT on TMZ all I see is stars.

660
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:53,320
They don't cover Hitler.

661
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:55,320
That's Paul Wolleyeric, very level five.

662
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:57,320
What I want is some Purvitan.

663
00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:59,320
I'm on DMT on TMZ.

664
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:00,320
All I see is stars.

665
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,320
This is a different dimension of comedy.

666
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:03,320
He has no Purvitan?

667
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:04,320
No.

668
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:05,320
Purvitan?

669
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:10,320
Purvitan is what the Nazis were required to take.

670
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:11,320
Purvitan?

671
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:12,320
No, I don't know.

672
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:13,320
It's a pill.

673
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:14,320
It's essentially...

674
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:17,320
Sounds like the city I destroyed Targinton.

675
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:22,320
It's essentially Adderall mixed with Xanax mixed with Vicodin.

676
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:24,320
So it's a pain killer.

677
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:25,320
Why Vicodin?

678
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:27,320
So for pain.

679
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:31,320
My friend who's in the military said they put salt peter in their food so they can never

680
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:32,320
get boners.

681
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:37,320
They put the wolf in the National Guard and you just eat the food that you get from the

682
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:39,320
military that makes you not horny.

683
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:40,320
I think there's this stuff called...

684
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:41,320
That's scary to me.

685
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:46,320
Purvitan was the reason they were able to take over France so fast because they would

686
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:49,320
be able to march for days on end without sleeping.

687
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:51,320
That combined with the fact that French are pussies.

688
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:53,320
And then also there's Xanax...

689
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:54,320
Fuck you, French!

690
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:58,520
There's a Xanax type of thing, an anti-exotic thing that would make you not feel bad about

691
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:00,320
killing people as much.

692
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:04,320
And a pain thing so you can take more bullets right down.

693
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:07,320
I think Razor Ramon was on all these drugs as well.

694
00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:09,320
I heard Hitler was...

695
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:15,320
He took the stuff Lucca dill or something like that and it was like cocaine mixed with

696
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:20,320
amphetamine and he took a bunch of it and he was on the way to meet Mussolini and then

697
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:22,320
he was feeling so good he said give me another one.

698
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:24,320
And then he took that to the veins.

699
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:26,320
He did a lot of drugs.

700
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:31,320
He just talked the whole time and Italy didn't leave helping them or something.

701
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:32,320
I was like wow.

702
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:33,320
I just watched...

703
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:36,320
Wait was that Mussolini or Stalin?

704
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:40,320
Because I remember they were kind of pals prior to something.

705
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:45,320
No it was Mussolini but I feel like that must have been an awkward friendship rivalry.

706
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:49,320
I just watched the first Wonder Woman because I love women and I never sexually assault them.

707
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:50,320
I also love women.

708
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:53,320
We obviously all know that in everyone that was that.

709
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:57,320
If anyone were to say that I would get into a big incident with that.

710
00:54:57,320 --> 00:54:58,320
Especially if it was like a slow go.

711
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:00,320
And completely prove them wrong.

712
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:06,320
And I'd call someone that they claimed that they told them about it and they didn't tell them about it.

713
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:10,320
But anyway, World War I, she's fighting some guy and he's...

714
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:12,320
It takes place during World War I.

715
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:17,320
He keeps cracking open this powder and sniffing it and makes them strong and good at fighting

716
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:18,320
so he could fight Wonder Woman.

717
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:19,320
Really?

718
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:20,320
Yeah, it's pretty fucking sweet.

719
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:22,320
Well I mean they actually had that in World War II.

720
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:24,320
This is World War I though.

721
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:25,320
Interesting.

722
00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:26,320
They're probably conflating this shit.

723
00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:27,320
I think they gave...

724
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:31,320
I think Hitler gave Purvitan to the Japanese as well.

725
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:32,320
Nice.

726
00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:35,320
Dude, I love that podcast about the Japanese.

727
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:36,320
Dude, yeah.

728
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:37,320
Parkour history.

729
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:38,320
I think I might...

730
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:39,320
I might get his Patreon or better.

731
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:40,320
I think I might too, yeah.

732
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:41,320
I've been meaning to.

733
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:42,320
He doesn't have Patreon.

734
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,320
You have to buy the episodes individually off his website.

735
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:47,320
I think there's a Patreon at the end of this...

736
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,320
I was listening to this Viking one.

737
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:51,320
At the end of it they said it was Patreon.

738
00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:52,320
I do one so...

739
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:53,320
Yeah, shout out to Harcourt History.

740
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:56,320
The free Viking one is really good.

741
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,320
Yeah, I listened to all the Viking ones.

742
00:55:58,320 --> 00:55:59,320
I didn't really get it.

743
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:00,320
Have you ever seen that?

744
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:01,320
There's so many different guys.

745
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:03,320
Yeah, it was hard to follow.

746
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,320
There was a couple interesting stories but I felt like it was too vague.

747
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:08,320
It wasn't like the World War II ones that are really detailed.

748
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:09,320
Yeah.

749
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:12,320
You could just watch something else that's on the same information.

750
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:15,320
Have you ever seen them try to sell an individual article?

751
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:16,320
No thanks.

752
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:17,320
I'm not paying to read.

753
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:18,320
No, but...

754
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:19,320
Yeah.

755
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:24,320
Imagine paying to read in a world where libraries have existed my entire life.

756
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:26,320
Where nobody has ever charged people to read.

757
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:28,320
Read your bullshit with ads.

758
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:30,320
Yeah, I would pay to listen.

759
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:32,320
The internet is getting so bad.

760
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:34,320
That's why if there's a new 9-11...

761
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:36,320
We should charge ten bucks per episode.

762
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:39,320
We should charge ten bucks per episode to get more viewers.

763
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:40,320
We're part of it.

764
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:42,320
Where do we add? Are we keeping this guy waiting?

765
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:44,320
We should charge ten bucks per episode as well.

766
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:46,320
So we always try to give the fans an hour.

767
00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:47,320
I'm doubting it.

768
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:50,320
I'm just saying if it's an hour, that's what a stand-up special would be.

769
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:53,320
A headliner should be able to do an hour.

770
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,320
So we do an hour every week for free.

771
00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:56,320
Jason is a breadliner.

772
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:58,320
Yeah, I'm kind of a breadliner.

773
00:56:58,320 --> 00:57:01,320
Well, maybe Michael Robinson is because he's homeless.

774
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,320
He's in the breadline.

775
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:06,320
I'm a get-headliner.

776
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:07,320
Ooh.

777
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:08,320
Yeah.

778
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:09,320
I'm bald headliner.

779
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:10,320
I get headliner from the headliners.

780
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:12,320
Bald headliner, yeah.

781
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:15,320
Receiving hairliner?

782
00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:16,320
Yeah.

783
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:19,320
I've never seen it all the way.

784
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:20,320
A one-liner.

785
00:57:20,320 --> 00:57:22,320
Is it just a stop-receding?

786
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:24,320
Well, Dylan's kind of a perfectionist.

787
00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:26,320
When his hairline started receding, he's like,

788
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:27,320
I need to perfect this.

789
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:28,320
Yeah.

790
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:33,320
I've had black people try and make it a great beard lined up kind of really well.

791
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:34,320
You do.

792
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:35,320
You do yourself?

793
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:37,320
Yeah, and that makes fun of me for doing my hair.

794
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:38,320
I do my hair every day.

795
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:44,320
I think you should be proud of your bald head too because you got a solid bald head.

796
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:45,320
Testosterone coursing through my veins.

797
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:49,320
Not even the testosterone thing, but some of these bald head guys, they look weird.

798
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:50,320
They have lumpy heads.

799
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:51,320
Yeah, lumpy or...

800
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:56,320
They have that thing where you could scrunch it up and it looks like a brain.

801
00:57:56,320 --> 00:57:57,320
Yeah.

802
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,320
What's your new glove thing you got going on?

803
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:00,320
So, I bought these gloves.

804
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:03,320
They work on a phone.

805
00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:04,320
Yeah.

806
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:08,320
And I just feel like it's good for me to add anything that looks intentional in my eyes.

807
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:09,320
So, are you a burglar?

808
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:10,320
Yeah.

809
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:11,320
Well, I...

810
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:16,320
Is it because when you touch things, it kind of overstimulates you?

811
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:20,320
I'm not sitting out there right now, but if I was, I'd probably be finding any smelling

812
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:21,320
salts you have.

813
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:23,320
I don't think I have any.

814
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:25,320
Do you get easily overstimulated by it?

815
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:32,320
With the gloves, it looks like you're trying to have some fingerprints when you do one

816
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,320
of those things you're talking about live.

817
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:38,320
I've been keeping this tally of does Dylan have OCD or autism?

818
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:40,320
We just got a tick on the autism.

819
00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:45,320
I just feel like the most artistic thing you can do is least socially aware.

820
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:50,320
Then you can do is talk about someone else's diseases they don't have.

821
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:51,320
I don't know that.

822
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:52,320
Oh, I'm socially aware.

823
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:53,320
I'm trying to hurt people.

824
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:54,320
I feel like it's pretty unaware.

825
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:55,320
That's very...

826
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:56,320
I'm aware.

827
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:57,320
It's different.

828
00:58:57,320 --> 00:59:01,320
I'm the most socially aware, socially unaware person.

829
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:02,320
How is it different for me?

830
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:04,320
I'm the most aware, socially aware person.

831
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:06,320
Because you like to hurt people.

832
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,320
Why is it different for me?

833
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:12,320
Well, you don't seem to want to just hurt people, but then you might just not.

834
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:14,320
It's like the selective hearing.

835
00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:16,320
You might not know your...

836
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:17,320
No.

837
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:21,320
There's a social cue that your brain just suppresses in a way.

838
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:27,320
I am very self aware of how unaware I am socially.

839
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:31,320
There are no knowns and there are unknown knowns.

840
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:32,320
So you admit that you're autistic.

841
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:33,320
That's what that sounds like.

842
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:35,320
Yeah, that's what that would mean.

843
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:36,320
Why?

844
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:37,320
There are no knowns and there are no knowns.

845
00:59:37,320 --> 00:59:39,320
You're saying that you accept...

846
00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:41,320
And there are unknown unknowns.

847
00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:42,320
You're not aware of this.

848
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:43,320
You know, because I...

849
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:44,320
If you accept you're unaware of social cues...

850
00:59:44,320 --> 00:59:47,320
I'm the most aware, unaware person of all time.

851
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:49,320
So you admit that you're autistic.

852
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:52,320
No, because I'm the most aware.

853
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:53,320
Well, you just said you...

854
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:54,320
So that breaks even.

855
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:55,320
You're aware that you're not the most aware.

856
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:57,320
Well, that breaks even.

857
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:00,320
I would say in Tutina the other night, I go...

858
01:00:00,320 --> 01:00:01,320
It's not 50-50.

859
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:03,320
I've been doing comedy like ten years.

860
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:04,320
Yeah, it is.

861
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:07,320
I've done a million projects, run shows, and I've been part of many different community

862
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:08,320
groups.

863
01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:11,320
You know, where it's like me and a couple other comics doing some bullshit.

864
01:00:11,320 --> 01:00:16,320
And you guys are definitely the craziest people I've ever done a project with.

865
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:17,320
That's why it all works.

866
01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:18,320
This was when you guys were...

867
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:22,320
I looked at my phone, a hundred text messages between you guys the other night.

868
01:00:22,320 --> 01:00:23,320
Yeah.

869
01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:24,320
About like literally nothing.

870
01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:26,320
Like, I can't even remember.

871
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:32,320
I mean, I'm sure it is something to you, but it was not really a thing that's going to have

872
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:33,320
major consequences in the future.

873
01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:37,320
Yeah, I said I was sparring and to me it's funny because I know whatever we're saying.

874
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:38,320
You weren't joking at all.

875
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:39,320
Yeah, I was.

876
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:43,320
A hundred messages at three in the morning is sparring.

877
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:49,320
And then he was trying to FaceTime me when I saw him know while I was taking this shoot.

878
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:51,320
And then he FaceTimed Mike Robinson.

879
01:00:51,320 --> 01:00:56,320
The people who FaceTime you when you're fighting, it's like a borderline personality disorder

880
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:57,320
move.

881
01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,320
I don't know if that's in the medical journals.

882
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:02,320
It was insane, all the stuff that you were saying.

883
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:03,320
No, it wasn't.

884
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:04,320
You see that is...

885
01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:08,320
You guys are both perfectly fitted to make this go on too long.

886
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:09,320
You don't know.

887
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:10,320
Because you can't let it go either.

888
01:01:10,320 --> 01:01:11,320
You don't know what I'm saying.

889
01:01:11,320 --> 01:01:12,320
Like, you can't let it go either.

890
01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:14,320
You have to correct him when you think he's wrong.

891
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:16,320
So it's like, you can't just like let him go.

892
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:17,320
No.

893
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:18,320
And all that Mac does.

894
01:01:18,320 --> 01:01:20,320
You guys are the perfect like, like...

895
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,320
No, I think instead of saying your combination.

896
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:26,320
I think instead of saying that you're joking, you should like apologize for always doing

897
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:28,320
these long ass fucking things.

898
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:30,320
I just don't feel bad if you have a hundred texts.

899
01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:31,320
Just don't read them then.

900
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:32,320
I mean, I'll...

901
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:33,320
Then you FaceTime me too.

902
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:34,320
I don't make a couple jokes.

903
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:35,320
And I just...

904
01:01:35,320 --> 01:01:36,320
If you try to guess...

905
01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:40,320
Instead of just trying to say it's a joke, it wasn't a joke.

906
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:41,320
You're selfless serious.

907
01:01:41,320 --> 01:01:42,320
You guys are face...

908
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:43,320
You guys are face...

909
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:44,320
I mean, I was...

910
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:45,320
I was faithful.

911
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:49,320
If I'm calling you out for something, then it's not like I'm angry.

912
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:51,320
It's just saying, this is the side you're taking.

913
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:53,320
Don't, you know, act like you're not.

914
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:54,320
We should...

915
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:57,320
If you guys want to hear more about this, check out our Patreon.

916
01:01:57,320 --> 01:01:58,320
Maybe we can...

917
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:00,320
I'll tell you the details about this.

918
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:02,320
Alright, thanks for coming on Dylan.

919
01:02:02,320 --> 01:02:03,320
So much drama for having people.

920
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:04,320
Thanks for coming on Jason.

921
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:05,320
There's a little bit of drama.

922
01:02:05,320 --> 01:02:06,320
Thanks for having me.

923
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:08,320
A lot of dramedy in the scene.

924
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:10,320
Patreon.com, Slashbite comedy.

925
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:31,320
Hell yeah.