Hey everybody, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. My name is Dr. Evil and I'm here with Jason
Feltum up in Dylan Rufium down. What's up?
Dylan roof. And let's cut to the chase, folks. What's on the plate? What do we got going
on?
It's on the plate. I got my Chinese sword and I'm feeling great.
And you also have your American sword. Yeah, my American sword. I got on.
Mm hmm. Yep. You have your new death row records. Sure. I do. I appreciate it. Yeah. So I was
thinking that's sugar night, right? Like I'm sure that I was thinking bug night. And then
I was like, maybe the movie Boogie Nights was named by Richard Nite.
Shaggy Nights. Yeah. You know, he was in that movie in the background in a scene. What are
those things that people wear? Where's though? It's like a backwards onesie thing.
A robbery, a snuggie snuggie. What about snuggie nights?
They should have a death row snuggie snuggie night or snugg night. Ever since I got that
ever since I got that joke gift, I've been having snuggie nights.
We should really just nail down like Jason would be sugar night. I would be sugar sugar
sugar night. Sugar night for sure. And then I'd be to to Mac.
Which because Dylan has all that weird depraved sex. He'd be a daddy.
No, that's bad boy. But that's bad boy because you made love with Will Smith or something.
No, wait, wait, why are we death row? Why aren't we bad boy?
Because bad boys. Yeah, but they got big. They got biggie, right?
Yeah, I like biggie more. Which one's to Poc two Pocs, Beth row.
Yeah, that was West Coast. I saw this clip. I'm East Coast.
I like East Coast rap. Yeah, I'm a East Side blood. I don't smoke
that. More lyrical. You know, it's fun. Like M&M is like funny
and like sketches or like when they try to have them do comedy.
And I saw this video from like being like I was just inside trying to listen to my Will
Smith record or something. All of a sudden and like, you know, he's funny.
He's got a sense of humor. I wonder I wonder if like I walked up to him and it was busted
in his balls. I bet he punched me in the face. I feel like he's probably I feel like
talking to him off whatever had set or whatever. He's nervous.
He's shy. He's shy. Yeah, I bet he's probably cool in a relaxed
environment, but I'm a random fan walking up.
Oh, yeah. There's some shit with him. You know, the only person who got him in a beef,
in my opinion, is Mariah Carey. Do you ever see the Mariah Carey video where she dresses
like I'm an Amin. No, no, there's this whole beef. He does mad shit about her, too.
Which is funny because she married Nick Cannon and Nick Cannon had the beef with Eminem and
Eminem like everyone he got destroyed before Eminem even responded like the Internet was
just like, no, yeah, well, dude, the best the best Eminem beef is it's to Detroit people.
It's the insane clown policy and Eminem. They had a beef and Eminem punch violent J one
of the clowns in the face. That's awesome. Badass. I love I had no idea they had a beef.
I would love to learn more about that. Look into it. I'm going to look up a picture for
you guys. I want to give it to the I heard like should night like rolled up on on like
Eminem and like some other people and was trying to like intimidate them and then Eminem
just went outside. I was like, what? To shoot night? Yeah. Like not afraid and shit. That's
like that joke. He would crazy white guy who hangs out with all black people. Yeah. Yeah.
Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle. I forget. I was Matt growing up. That was me growing up.
It was a joke as a famous stand up has a joke. And I tried to do a crazy one. Yeah. Yeah.
It's like you if it's all black guys and one white guy, the white guys. Yeah, don't fuck
with that. Yeah. How do you get in there? I think it's a Dave Chappelle joke. I like
that she pelsketch wears like talking about the white friend should be doing the talking
with the cops. Yeah, I did. I did win. We got pulled over. We were hot boxing a car.
I tried to talk to the cops. I was like, I have not been spoken any marijuana. It's
in the car. I was like, do you know my eye off my ass? These are my I'm tutoring these
fine young fellows. Yeah. I tried to write a joke like the Dave Chappelle joke that was
like, you got to look out for the one crazy lunch man who hangs out with all the lunch
ladies. Like when it's when you're in high school and you go to lunch room. Yeah. It's
all lunch ladies, but then there's one guy and that guy is fucked in the head. That
guy's probably serial killer. Yeah. And he's always yeah. So there's this new movie called
The Fairies. I don't know if you watched it. It's new. Well, it's got it's got 90 something
percent. This is Mariah Carey dresses. I'm an Emma one of her music videos. It's just
funny for like Mariah Carey to be. If you want to text it to me, I can put it on the
I can put it as an image on the thing. Yeah. Sorry, folks, if I've been behind on the video
episodes, but I think most of you listen audio, but I'm gonna I'm gonna get get back to it
all good. I've retaken my series six exam on Monday. I don't pass it. I'm gonna kill
myself. Have you taken this one before? Yeah, this is the one that I failed in every 30
days. Yeah. Series six series six. Yeah. Okay. And then I got a more level five, but that's
interesting. Yeah. This is the yes. The tougher one. It just got a 58% pass rate. 58% Yeah.
Very good. That sounds tricky. And then I got to take the 63, which is a shorter test.
And they can take that within a week. You got to tell the proctor that you'll kill yourself
if you don't. Yes. In Minecraft. Well, that's that's what I was telling like. I was supposed
to say that I heard somebody in a YouTube video not say that they said like they had
like a weird like make yourself a hero. They had like a slang they were using instead of
a YS. You say like you're supposed to hero yourself. The testing center is a martyr.
Martyr. Yeah. Well, the testing center is like a high rise. So I told Mike that if I didn't
pass, yeah, I'll be in the bakery with the pie rise. And I said, they put yeast in the
pies. Oh yeah. Or like a souffle souffle souffle. But I told him that if I if I don't pass,
I'm going to throw a chair at one of the windows of the of the pro metric test center and then
the lack of I'm going to I'm going to jump out and then you probably want to hear from
you after that. But you'll probably see it in the or maybe we will hear from you again.
You will. Maybe you'll end it. Yeah. I have a little and 11. No, but I was saying in the
news, it probably would say local hero jump jumps out of high rise building to his death
after failing exam. Local hero. Yeah, like starting everything with local hero. Nothing
to do with a hero. Hell yeah. Well, if you don't pass the test, we could maybe get you
a job with Dylan. Talking to myself being unemployed. My dream job. I love to talk to
myself on my couch. Hell yeah. And now you have Mike on the couch. Yeah. It's nice to
have company. No, Mike's a Mike's good help here. Like in half baked. He's your guy on
the couch. Yeah, he's been helping out walking Josie and stuff and he keeps he's nice and
clean. He's you like your butler. Yeah, okay. Now it's different vibe. No, I'm just an
indentured servant. No, he's like, I don't pay him. It's like, Okay, well, so he calls
him to help. I mean, he's just unpaid help. What is the word for that? No, he just voluntarily
just does his shares. So you're like more of a Kanye state of mind on it. Like slavery
was a choice. This would be some some puff daddy right now. I like how much stuff there
is about puff daddy like throwing gay parties. Yeah, just so many people talk about it.
Well, you know, they're all coming together for a while, right? My theory is that you
go by Puffy for a while. My theory is there's canceling puff daddy to try and cover up the
Epstein stuff or distract from it. Yeah, that's my theory. It's possible. It's not like it
too deep in there. It is not a good look. Can we talk about the news? This is actually
all in the news. Yeah, I've seen list coming out and the puff daddy stuff is all over the
news. I just started basically all these people are coming forward with allegations like Dylan
stroke. Yeah, you know, they call an allegation in China. An irrigation. So that's what you
do in state. You know, they call it in Florida. An alligator. You know, they called it Mexico
and I a Gation. Nice. Alligator. You know, they called it. Thank you so much. Go to Mexico.
David cars. They call alligators in Mexico. I a Gators. Yeah. Dude, I miss the Epstein.
I miss the fact. I miss the fat tamale guy. I saw him last night. Oh, really? Because
his name is Claudio. There's this poser that charges more. Oh, he was a he was at a power
hour last night. Yeah. So the fat guy is cool. And I like Claudio. Yeah, he's been eating
too many of his own tamales. But high on his own supply. Yeah. Folks, if you're not around
Chicago, we're death row records or the other one, we know don't get high. Folks, if you
don't know what the tamale guy is, it is a guy who walks around with a cooler full of
hot tamales. He sells them to people and they're pretty damn good when you're drunk. One time
a they have they have a poser. I have a prepared joke for this. No, but they have they have
the old fact tamale guy that is on North bar Claudio. And now there's this poser that's
charging a little bit more. But I didn't notice his tamales are bigger. Oh, yeah. So this
guy's got to swoop in and take his turf. Is he or are they in cahoots? I've seen him
with other actually I seen him. He was training somebody once. Oh, really? He had a guy coming
around with him behind him and he had like a smaller cooler. What if they got a little
cooler and he was training? They got a whole MLM thing going on. And then he goes, yeah,
it's kind of like an MLM because they come in the bar and he goes enchiladas and he's
like, no, no, tamale. He had to like, he's like, he's like, that's why we train. You
got to learn how to say it to Malay and not enchiladas. Yeah, you got to take the test.
The test is only 58% of people pass the test. The test is the one question is what do we
sell? What do we tell it's a tacos, enchiladas, tamales or burritos? We're wondering if Jason,
if you have a rotten tomatoes account or IMDB or I did start IMDB, but I'm big on letterboxed.
How do you how do you have a website I use? How do you get verified to be a critic? Oh,
I don't know how to do that. You should try to become one. Yeah, movie critic. Yeah. And
then make and then make the movies. I love movies and I've been writing reviews of movies
on letterbox to do like, check out nefarious. I'll check it out. So it's very low rated
by critics, but extremely high rated by audience. Wait, should that be on my? Those are always
my favorite movies. Yeah. So what I would do is go in there and become a critic or you
probably have to write so many reviews to be a real critic or be an actual recognized
critic. You might need some credentials. I don't know. You probably do to automatically
get in, but maybe over time, if you review enough, then they let you be it. But you need
to start making being into a cool critic, a critic of the people. I'm my own worst critic.
I think I'm awesome. I'm like, wait, I'm like going through a movie phase right now. I've
just been watching like everything. I watched, I got a movie recommendation. I've been recommending
a lot of people. It's called possessor possessor a couple years ago. And it's about a woman
who's an assassin. And what she does is they do a special surgery and she somehow goes
into your head and becomes you. And then she kills somebody as you. And then he kills
herself killing you. And then she goes back to her body. That's cool. And it's sick. And
then this one guy, she's kind of getting worse at it. Possessor goes into this guy's head
and he somehow fights and they have a whole fight inside their brain. What's it on? I've
watched it on this movie. This illegal movie site. It's on streaming. It's somewhere, I'm
sure possessor was cool, dude. There's it's by Cronenberg's son.
Drone and I definitely watch this. He knows, he knows Cronenberg. I love Cronenberg. It's
Brandon Cronenberg. Well, son. So it's like, it's not practical effects, but there's tons
of gore and he's usually he's the voice in the Cronenberg film. Yeah. And I could see
that. I could see his head exploding like in scanners too. Have we had an episode since
we ever see scanners with the head explodes? That's a Cronenberg. Have we had an episode
yet since we had a peace council with him talent in Nathan Lund? Not you have. I wasn't
here, but I don't think I talked about it. I don't hear really. I listened to a recent
speaking of like, I guess we're friends now, even on a recent episode of Chubby Behemoth.
They brought me up and they go front of me of the podcast and Sam goes, no, we're friends.
It's all good. They stopped calling me the front of me. Oh, wow. The podcast. That was
my moniker for a second. I wonder if front of me of the podcast. I wonder if Nathan Lund
thought it was funny when I pretend I was a super fan. The first thing they said to me
when I saw them was they loved the Nathan Lund shirts. And they told me the story behind
those Nathan Lund shirts was some guy they didn't know did all those shirts and claimed
that he was going to give them money and never did. And now they and they're like, we think
it's so funny because now we have proof he never paid. He never paid us because you guys
bought three and we didn't hear anything. Yeah. And that's like, so we just bought that from
some random fan of theirs. Funny. You need a Google alert for that. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah.
They got to get Google alerts like Hofstetter. Oh, shit. I said his name. Now is mom. Your
shirts are better though. For context on that. Listen back. Listen every episode folks. For
context on that. I'm going to kill Steve Hofstetter's mom for context on that. I mean, cancel her.
Yeah. And minecraft. Minecraft doesn't work on fortnight. Hey, new patrons. We got some
new patrons. And I want to give him a shout out on here. We got Jason Lowry. Oh, yeah.
Mark Allen. Oh, yeah. That is actually my shout out to Mark. The beginning of my real
name is Mark Allen nepper. Whoa. You're about to get out. You're just boxing yourself. You're
about to get a public episode. People are going to take everything from us. I don't give
it crap. Shout out to Mark Allen. He's a guy. He's newer, but I've been seeing him at beer
bow. I've been seeing him all over. I think this guy's hilarious. He's probably expand
on the Jason Lowry one. I also love Jason Lowry. I got a story about Jason Lowry, but
I don't want to interrupt you. He had the backpack. Yeah, he did. He does open mic and
he came to my open mic and he was newer and kind of nervous and he sat on a stool with
a backpack on his lap and talked very nervously for four minutes, kind of like holding the
backpack like with his arm around it. I just was waiting for the whole thing to just explode
and kill us all. It's such a like scary vibe. How nervous he was. Yeah, like he was robbing
a bank or something. Yeah, just like super nice doesn't shoot. Oh, he's very funny.
And I think he even appreciate the story because he's a little edgy. So as you can tell, new
patrons were really nice to our fans and patrons. We hate our guests, though. Yeah. Nick Parker.
Very conflicting. One of our guests is a patron. Yeah, cool guy. Nick Parker came to our live
show. Shout out to Nick. I've got a new Parker. I never know names. You would remember from
the live show he was sitting alone in the front on our left. Oh, really? Yeah, you remember
that guy? And I kept looking at him like he's so familiar. My whole family was right behind
him. So I would say some stuff. It looks like I was talking to him. Yeah, he told me he's
been watching the free episodes and then he didn't realize I was the same guy who hosted
beer belly where he was like newer comic. He's like, now that I came to this, I guess I
got to sign up. Yeah, I guess he's a Cinco fan. Yeah, a little bit. He's trying to suck
up to us probably. Hey, Nick Parker, don't worry if you're I mean, you're on the ground
floor. We're still below 100. So I mean, you might get big places once we hit a million
patrons. Parker. You think that guy's related to Parker Uber? I was gonna say that. No way.
So it's kind of you want to get invested now in the pod. What happened? I just saw him
referenced. So I think he is. I think he just doesn't come around us anymore. Yeah, I said
a real one time in North Bar. He went up and I said, Parker Uber, Parker Uber, Parker Uber,
more like Parker, take a lift home. Yeah, was as real name. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Change it,
dude. That's horrible. Maybe join the family business. He had to quit. It's like if your
name was Mike Myers is like, why would you go by that? We got two, we got two more. Yeah,
we got two more folks. Tom Ryan. Oh, hell yeah. Shout out to Tom Ryan. He did a cool
portrait of us at the live show. It's a place. I got to get back here. Yeah. Unfortunately,
it was an etch. Put it up. So fortunately, it was an etch sketch. So he erased immediately.
Yeah, Tom Ryan's one of my favorite people. One of these guys of all time and an excellent
artist and then we have he's on our Patreon if you want to hear the episode. Oh, and also
James Zajar joined and we blocked him. Go fuck yourself. Shout out to James Zajar on
the free episode. You admitted you're a joke thief so we don't fuck with you scumbag. Also,
James Zajar, you got no swag. I just want to say that right now. So he so he joined
and then he started like reposting our like Eclipse and stuff. No fucking friend. Don't
help us. And then he friended me on Instagram or something. And then he realized that he
was black. Yeah, fucking dumbass. You know, it happened. Get the fuck out of the club.
And now he's our friend. Yeah, like he's such a he's such a sick of fans. Now, did you
forget what you did? We have one last one, guys. Rep rep hot circ. There's someone that
went up last night. Somebody probably somebody from Instagram or what is it? R E H P O T
S I R C R E H Rep P O T rep hot. S I R K S I R C rep hot circ. So how do you like them
more than this is an assassin, right? Like this is somebody out like they're learning
about us. I don't think so. No, they joined December 10th. They could have joined because
of December 10th. Yeah, we posted that viral Lucian one on the second, I think. So it could
have been an Instagram person. I've been trying to go viral on my Twitch. So I got a picture
of Mr. Beast and I put Mr. Beast approved on it and I put that on screen and then I
put some video footage of somebody playing GTA five on screen and some subway surfer.
I have all this shit going on. It looks like a fucking Chinese website. Yeah, I want to
do one last quick shout out as a Googler. You think I lost the mail, so I'm just going
to send a new one. I'm making a new one and send it your award, your patron award from
months ago. Yeah, so I'm going to send you a digital copy if you want. Yeah, very quickly.
There was some other shit in there, but yeah, all I had all I had for you. Maybe I'll send
you a knife. I don't know how that works. The USP. Maybe we'll write you an original
poem. Is the exugler would be good for that. Yeah, it already rhymes kind of as exugler.
I know it just has a little duration. If you don't know me, Google. Also shout out to Rory
Songar and Rory Songar. The rest of the folks. P. D. Rodriguez. Yeah. And then Andy Mango,
also your patron award got lost in the mail, but I don't think you care. Yeah, but let
us know if you care. I think he does care. I feel bad because I know the exugler cares.
He said, did you send the package? I never got it. And I said, I said, I dissented. You
didn't get it. And he said no mango. Nice. Was it like, like, like, no mango. No dice
or is like no from mango? I think it means like no. Yeah, it was the word mango. I think
it means like no dice. Like, yeah, I like that a lot. Or maybe it means like no cap.
Andy Mango is a if you guys don't know, he is a comedian from Pittsburgh and he wears
a mango colored suit and he carries a mango on stage. Yeah. He's running for politics
and stuff. Yeah. He's running for politics under mango policies. One of the funniest
moments of my life is when we were sitting at that. Oh, I was with Donnie and we did
a don't tell in Erie. How is that Christmas? It's great. The one we did was great. I don't
know because I think don't tell moves around, but I really want to start. Don't tell Gary
Indiana. I don't like all these angle with don't tell angle. Yeah, exactly. I don't
like the reverse psychology. You know, just like don't tell like hush, like all this stuff.
It's like, no, we got to be fair here, though. One has called bad comedy. Yeah, but you can
do that to me. You can do one. No, I realized that. But they said like, Oh, don't it's like
a secret thing. And it's like, that's that's not. Yeah. Every time somebody says they're
on don't tell comedy, I always think, don't worry, I wasn't going to. Yeah. I wasn't even
considering telling anybody I do not give a fuck. Those shows are a dime a dozen. I
forget who was he's bought countercowley or just I kept saying is like, like, don't I
guess I don't tell jokes to him. Yeah, I remember that you'd harass. What's the deal with when
people post their show schedule and then they put a private event on there? Why do they
do that? Is that to show I have a show? I'm getting booked. I just think that that's the
lame one. I commented like, what's the deal with this one that it says I commented like
pretending to be naive. Like, what's this one? I can't go to how come? Yeah, I want to go
to that one. I know, I know, I know, I know naive. It's clearly to like, you know, I know
naive. Who's naive? My black friend. Oh, it does kind of. Oh, who came up with this?
So you know, my friend, Duracell, black guy, Duracell. Yeah, my friend, my friend, Duracell
went to prison for battery. Was that set on a podcast? Yeah, I don't remember. Yeah,
it was with the Bobby Byrds. Bobby Byrds. Yeah, we lost. We lost a half of it. No, it's
like 30 minutes. No, we got 28 minutes and we lost the other hour. Brutal. Sorry, Bobby.
It's all good. I posted a picture of him with Byrds. I'm bare man. That pretty much covers
it. I saw someone was a had a list with the open mic the other day and I just realized
James Najjar ruined lists for me. Well, someone I don't even know. I remember instantly hated
them because they have a list. Sometimes lifts lists make you successful. Yeah, like Dale
Dale. He does redeem. There was another example I had. I forgot Brandon told the story. The
brand keeper. I'd never heard this that Dale was the drinker at power hour one time and
Brandon went on stage and Dale had never met Brandon. He thought that Brandon was mocking
his list. And Dale was about to fight Brandon because he's like, what do you make of fun
to me? What do you make of fun? That's a classic narcissistic. If you want to go back on Instagram,
go back to on my Instagram quite far, maybe like a year and look at the videos where on
one power hour open mic, Dale was a drinker and he fell and like tumbled and like rolled
for a while. And then also Zach Albers. Yeah, like fainted. I remembered an old one. Paul
Miller fell at the old venue one time. Yeah, there was a I don't know if you've ever been
to gallery cabaret, but there's a little like, you know, there's like a little story. We
brought it back. We started it there. Right. You know, there's a little storage area like
off the stage in the back left corner. Yeah. Paul Miller was sitting there and his chair
fell back there like this whole chair and everything fell. And he fell at the awards
to the Gazelle awards. What's that shirt? This is my new Lizzo shirt. Oh, that's awesome.
How did they fit around the shirt? No, they had like a small version. I was amazed. Damn
Jason today. We both got you swagged. We have no more swag than you guys did get me. Yeah,
actually brought a cool sweater, but I'm too hot to wear it. Yeah, I try to turn off the
heat and make it as cool as possible in here, but it just heats up so fast. My apartment
is so cold right now. I'm so fucking jealous. And last night I was running the heater and
the power was going out. If you want to use fucking with electricity. If you want, you
could sleep on the couch and then Michael Sorab and then we'll sleep on. You use your
tummy as a but yeah, I'm inside of so Rob. Me and Michael will curl up inside of so Rob.
No, I'm saying that he could use your tummy as like a pillow. Oh yeah, yeah, he can go
inside my tummy and use me like the Star Wars beast. Cut me open and I'll give him
talent credit for when he was saying like, it's the same thing. I'm telling again. I
think is it? No, it's still ham. Yeah, it's still ham. I was going to ham it just because
he says what he says he doesn't hate me. Is that what he said? Yeah, yeah. He's like,
I love you guys. I hate your podcast. Yeah. Yeah. I'll never do that again. Yeah, he
will in the future. Thanks for the press, man. Yeah, thanks for the press. I felt bad
for Sam when I was hanging out with him. He just seemed like stressed. Well, dude, he
was doing it. He was doing like a billion shows. Well, he I think he had four 45 minute
sets. He had to do in a row. Yeah, he did. He when he was when he was in town for like
two or three days, he probably did like maybe like 12 hours of comedy or something like
that. Yeah, something insane. You could just tell he was stressed out of 12 hours of stand
up in front of a crowd in three days. And then so so Rob, Rob, he said that Sam wanted
to be left alone, but that wasn't true. Huh? Robbie Flanagan came upstairs. Yeah, he made
everyone leave. And then I was waiting around to say bye to him and he goes, I didn't tell
him to say that. And then later I saw him wink at Robbie Flanagan. I was like, I don't
know. Maybe he wanted less people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. And he was fucked
up as soon as all those people left, like new people would show up who just got there
later or just like Zaynese people. So it was like people who had didn't even know Sam
were hanging out. Maybe Robbie hates me. Maybe. Yeah.
At least him doesn't he's he had a vibe like I'm the manager. I got to be a hard ass. Yeah,
yeah. But I don't know. I don't really know. I mean, I was just hanging up there for three
hours on the show. So like, yeah, we can rotate, you know, I packed it, I packed it out, hanging
on the green room. I listened to their podcast about it and they talked they made fun of
Peyton Ruddy and said he ate all the food. The thing about that, they said he ate way
too much food. I don't even remember that. Did you see that? He's doing it secretly.
Oh, okay. He was being like, no, but that's what Peyton does, though. He doesn't like eating
in front of people. Like, that's why I heard right away. He didn't get food right away
and they pressured him into it. It's weird to be like, all right, you're a big guy, but
you're talking to Sam Talin who's all he's bigger than everybody. Yeah. So maybe he felt
comfortable. He finally felt comfortable. It would be like, okay, I'll eat. I heard
he like went out to they went to like Denny's or something and like he got toast. If you're
literally talking to a bunch of, a bunch of toast, talking to a normal meal. You're talking
to a man the size of a hot air balloon. Yeah, exactly. Sam Talin. Yeah, you could eat. Yeah,
that room was full of bad people. Yeah. First of all, I'm a little chubby and then but then
you got Alex Luchin, that guy. Sam Talin. Alex Luchin lost weight. He's down like
60 pounds or something. He used to be wider. That guy's the best comedian in the world.
But just to think about telling the guy from Humboldt jungle, I think it's like the laws
of nature, like the more mass you have, the more gravity you have, Nathan. Yeah, I was
talking to Nathan. I was like, I think the reason why Sam's always surrounded by a bunch
of other fat guys is the mass is like attracting, you know, like it's like, yeah, Newton's laws.
But you would think I actually, it might be the opposite with the laws, but I like, I
like your idea. More mass means more gravity. It's like, but it'd be tough to pull in the
big ones. It'd be easier to pull in the small ones. Unpools in the earth. Yeah, I know because
we're smaller than the sun. Yeah, but we have these people. We're smaller than Sam. We all
rotate around saying, oh yeah, I got you. I got you. You got caught in Sam's orbit.
Yeah. I'm for sure in the orbit. Yeah. Sam's definitely the biggest. I just think how embarrassing
for someone who hides their food and then all of a sudden, Hamtall is talking about how
much he was eating. And then we're talking about it again. He was listening to their
podcast and they said they, they weren't sure because they were going down and doing shows
coming back and forth. I was on mushrooms. So I did and I'm vegetarian. I didn't even
eat it. It was all meat. That's the best thing about mushrooms is a vegetarian. I got some
fried rice out of peer pressure and then they had only chopsticks. So hard to eat. Yeah.
So I tried to eat the rice with chopsticks. I ate about a quarter of it and then just
throw the rice with chopsticks. Jesus. You're supposed to kind of scoop it. Yeah. Yeah. I
did that. You still can't get it all. Yeah. And I was just getting it on myself when I
tried to. Me too. And I was on, I was, I was in a green room with people where it felt
like this is fame and stress and stuff. Like, ooh, people are, you know, it's like a tense,
like I shouldn't be here thing. And then I was also on mushrooms and I had split my pants
and I was just sitting there like, so everyone's going to figure it out. I felt like this girl
walked by and she had like what I thought was Jessica Misra's hair. And I go, uh, hey
Jessica. And she goes, I'm not Jessica. And I'm like, fuck, I'm sorry. I thought you were
Jessica's your hair. And she goes, we all look alike. And there was two black guys there
and they're like, she's not black. What is she saying? She's a white girl with like
really black hair. It wasn't a shot in the shot in the sky. I forget his name. He's
from Denver. And I had, as she's leaving and she's like, yeah, we all look alike. I go,
my girlfriend's black. You know, try to smooth it over. I'm not racist. I felt on the, on
the, on the contrary, I felt quite relaxed all the time. I think I was just in a good
mood that day or a nice, you know, I was doing, I was doing decent with torn pants. And then
I was on mushrooms or torn pants. Who's that skinny guy they were touring with? He was,
his name was Noah. He's from, he grew up around here, but he lives in Denver. He was doing
guest spots. Yeah. I was telling him, um, oh, he, he's, he's scheduling an Uber. I told
him I was gay. I was just scheduling Uber. He's like, what time should I schedule an
Uber for for the airport tomorrow? Nathan? I was like, you scheduled Uber? Is we gay?
I also told him, I also asked him if he knew Ben Brewer. Does he? What? Yeah. He's like,
who's Ben Brewer? I was like, Oh, he's from Denver. He's half man, half beaver. He's
a, he's a, yeah, no, Ben Brewer. It's always says, yeah, I know Ben Brewer. That's like,
you know, they're cool. That's like our secret code.
That was cool. I think he's like, uh, 19 or something. Oh, he's really not, not really.
Nobody's young though. He just came off as so young to me. Yeah. He just seemed like
a very young, he's a hyper, hyper kid. He was only, you know, when I was talking about the
rap I liked at the table with Nathan Sam and him, uh, only he knew the names. So that
was a young vibe. Yeah. Sam and Nathan were not, they don't listen to, uh, they don't
listen to a big moochie grape. Yeah. Well, long day, if you're listening right now, it
was great to meet you. Huge fan. What's eating big moochie grape? What's about big moochie
grape? What's eating big moochie grape? What's, what's eating big moochie? Adam Gilbert
grape. What's eating big moochie grape is he can't get enough money in hose. I think
for some reason I think that the hose again, for some reason I think that, uh, what's eating
Adam Gilbert grape is the funniest thing. Yeah. It's just low raisin. Yeah. Grape. What
a weird word. Grape. That's something. Paul, what's eating, what's eating at Adam Gilbert
grape? Any animal that weighs over a 30 pound. Yeah. Could eat him even like a bird. Yeah.
A bird. Anything that eats, could eat something the size of a seed. Dude, you definitely, I
think that's the way he's going to die is that he's a hawk is going to come down and
pick him up. Yeah. I'm going to plant him like a seed in the ground. He's going to grow.
He's already growing dude. You better hurry up before he grows too much. He got eaten
by a whale, but through the blowhole. Not even a little crow. Not even through the
baleen. Yeah. Bailey. I used to tell my friend who is my friend, Louis. I've talked about
him before, but he always weighed just tiny bit more than me. And we, he had bad teeth
and we wasn't going to his teeth. So we would say that his teeth were Bailey.
He's a fan also. The baleen. Just get curtain. That's how I relate with whales because I
don't eat that much and yet I'm fat. It's because of the micro chips. You keep eating
so many small chips and you do a lot of crow for you. You do a lot of Peyton Ruddy hiding.
How many donuts did you eat on the way over? None. I had two bagels on the way over and
cream cheese. Two bagels. I actually would have been on time because I was making up
the time. So I stopped at Dunkin Donuts and there was a huge line and then I was definitely
yeah. That's fine. Did you like traffic? No, there was another one I wanted to because
it would be, I thought it would be faster to go to and then there was a huge one. There
was a traffic in the line at Dunkin Donuts. The one near me normally isn't that busy if
you want to go to that one off Western. That's right. Normally go. Then I yeah. I used to
live over here. So that was like my Dunkin Donuts. I always go to because I only go to
the drive through ones. I would never walk into a Dunkin Donuts. Like how the fuck do
you do that? Why do some girls get their nails did like Lizzo on your shirt? Like why do
they get like long ass nails? I don't like that. I don't get it either. I don't scare
you like a witch. Also, and like if I'm getting like a handy from them, like it would just
be weird like a witch hand. Yeah. You know. Yeah, I don't know why they do it. I bet they
when I bet they say they do it for themselves. Yeah, definitely do. That's what women always
say when you're like, Hey, why do you wear makeup and like cute dresses and stuff? I
don't wear make me feel good. I understand. Long nails, but like but like the Freddie
Kruger nails like yeah, I don't I don't give when they're really maybe that's why they
like Freddie Kruger. Yeah, that's possible. It's just getting ready for Halloween. Yeah,
I like Freddie Kruger. I think it's to make her look smaller and ratio to her nails. Oh,
maybe there is something like that. Have you watched like big poofy? Maybe there's a psychological
thing like when you paint your lips red, like with lipstick, you look like it looks like
a pussy psychologically. Maybe the longer nails remind you of something evolutionarily
to make your fingers longer. Like, Oh, she must be good stock. She got them long fingers.
I only I only put my lipstick on after I cross somebody off my list of ops that I've that
I've canceled and I put lipstick on and I lay back on the couch. Yeah. Maybe it's to
reference from Billy Madison, folks. Maybe Lizzo wants you to think she could palm a basketball
because that's one reason you have long fingers is so you can palm a basketball. So she wants
people to think those are she wants to do like a got milk post you would think she could
afford in a high school. You know, like this, she thinks she's the color like straight black.
So she got those nails. She's like, I'll pick this black color. Yeah, so it just makes her
fingers look like milk. She thinks she's slender man. Yeah, maybe I'll go my nails did with
just long skin colored. Do you listen to Lizzo or do you think the shirts cool? I just got
it because we make fun of Lizzo. I got it for the comedy bar thing. It's hard to make
fun of Lizzo because so many people love her. They're doing a Macy's Day parade float over
the 11. Yeah, it's supposed to be life size. Oh, wow. That's big. That's probably the biggest
flow in it. That's a parade. It's supposed to be the size of Sam Talent. No, really?
What's so big? It's gonna be like, God, it's huge. Check out trouble. He missed podcast.
Did you hear he has a special come out and they had to film it with nine cameras because
they did three angles. Oh, really? Well, three cameras per angle. I remember at Zayniz when
he told him that when you when you called him out on the on the camera. Yeah, yeah. He
called Sam Talent out for when he was talking about podcasts because on his podcast, he
told the three cameras joke and no one laughed and he goes, see, that's how bad it was. And
I was like, no, you love that joke. He's like, I do love that you said you said the joke
prior. Yeah, you said the joke and then and then you laughed and then you said, welcome
on your part. I had to call him out. Don't you don't get to laugh at that joke anymore.
You liar. Guys, be honest. Do I look like a Chinese struggle Lord? Yeah, if I like a
different shirt on in the like face, yes. Yeah. And a sword. Yeah, the sword helps. Yeah,
because I mostly in the eyes. Well, I just need to get some kind of like and the skin
tone. I feel like the triads probably wear like suits. It's a try. And the those are
the that's the Chinese Yakuza. Yeah, whatever. You know, that's a Japanese. It's a type of
Chinese gang, the triads. It's like the Bob of each country. Yeah, I was in a game called
the tripods. All of our Dixie is long as one of our legs. Nice. The three legged race,
the tripods were Yakuza. Yeah, on the clip on the clip I posted today that got really
no love except for John Hickok posted that his legs are this horse dick size or something.
His legs are the size of a horse. Yeah, I heard about your aftics are four times as
long as horse. Yeah, that was kind of a half clip that I had to make late at night last
night to get one out. Yeah, dude. Yeah, you put on a ton of clips recently. Yeah, I've
been trying to do them daily again. Yeah, but I didn't do one yesterday. I just did by birds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jason, can I bum one of those? Yeah, go to town. The CBD cigarette.
I'll probably do an every other type of thing or like tomorrow. I'll probably actually know
on the days that an episode comes out. I'll just post the episode. I've been crazy busy.
I'm I think I'm buying an apartment. Yeah, or condo. Yeah, condo. Yeah, I don't know
how to say it. I don't even know how to use the language. I messaged the lawyer. I was
like, I think I need you for something. I don't know what it's called the contract or
something. He's like, Oh, you're all good. I got you. I said something. I just like,
I don't know the right words, but you know what I mean? You know, like when you're buying
a house. Yeah, I was emailing a house lawyer and I was like, you know, when you need a
lawyer for buying a house, are you every hour? It's cold. Is that you? Are you Jewish? I
think it's actually an Italian lawyer. Nice. Can you get me off my Rico charges? Do you
need a lawyer or do the do the mortgage companies generally have pride one? Chas was explaining
it. Shout out to Chas. Yeah, Chas. Chas, Rickert Chas, my real estate agent. Go to Chas. I'll
hook him up. Yeah, for real. We're just calling him a man for me. This guy, he knows Max parents,
I guess. He knows my mom and he is like become my friend. Yeah, you know what I mean? I didn't
know if we'd become friends because his name is Chas and he looks like a Chas. Yeah, I
was like, this is not my normal. Actually, it's like that. Not the guy kind of looking
guy I normally hang out with. When I first met him or after we looked at maybe our first
thing of houses, this is when I lived over in Logan Square and I had a front deck that
I was hanging out on like a cool like a yeah, I love that. Like a gangsta. We used to do
a lot of stoop hangs hang on the stoop. Yeah, we would have big stoop hangs with me and Chas.
We just got a six pack of beer set out there, talked about life. Hell yeah, dude. And then
at the end, once I bought the house, we got some beers at. Yeah, you can go ahead, put
your microphone down, don't you'll never be able to chime in on buying a house. We got
beers at almost my one years ago. We got beers. We got beers at Lottie's. Was it a treehouse?
Maybe we got beers at Lottie's at the outside of it during the day. Oh yeah, this is weird
because I've heard been a lot. He's been during the day. I'm like, so have those tents and
shit, whatever. I'm not sure. But before comedy, I would only go to Lottie's like late late
night. So they're like maybe 2am. And then I'll just be absolutely blacked out. So it's
funny. I feel like you're in an episode of Chicago PD. Yeah. So they shoot a lot of episodes
of Chicago PD there. Yeah, something like that. I'm trying to get a mortgage on a bouncy
house. Oh, we're gonna put it. I gotta get pretty approved first. Yeah, I can help you
that I have a bouncy house. I do need some more. He doesn't want to live in it. He's
just trying to get more kids to come over to his house. I wonder if if our friend Matt,
if he knows how to do the mortgages for bouncy houses, he might. Yeah. He might know a lender.
Ches does not reply. Ches stop reporting. I think I think Matt doesn't want to do the
paperwork really. So he just gave it to his brother. I think he was busy. His brother did
it. Yeah. I mean, his brother's also it's his older brother. They work together. Their
partners. His older brother originally brought him into the mortgage business. And then he
moved from strict mortgages to, I don't know, management plus a bunch of other things. I
assume it was something like that. I don't care. He's been helpful. I got no issue. Yeah.
Everyone's been super nice. Everyone likes it when you're about to spend a lot of money.
They treat you really good. Well, yeah, just because since, um, yeah, you but it's better
to have the full attention of someone versus someone who's focused on a bunch of other
things for real. For real. That's true. But yeah, Chas is cool. Chas. Yeah. Shout Chas.
He's got a degree in sociology. I have a degree in sociology. Also, it's a series. He says
you really good friends. No, he has a series seven, which is, oh, that's what you're working
on. Six. I work on six. You want to get to seven? Maybe it's level seven. I don't know
if I'm allowed. I don't know if I'm allowed to get it with the company, the seven. This
is to sell insurance. No, this is for retirement retirement accounts, rollovers, mutual fund
savings accounts. Boring. Yeah. No, I mean, it's you know, I think it's mutually fun
having sex. Yeah. That's my kind of mutual fund. It's basically it's nice. It's just
all stock stuff, but it's not not individual. It's always mutual with me, by the way. Yeah.
Because I ask permission. It's always it's just not individual stocks that I'm selling.
So it'd be someone who do a mutual fund, which is already diversified. Yeah. I always sell
socks and pairs. Pairs. Yeah. I sell socks. I buy and sell socks. I thought we were going
on a pair route. I thought you sell individual socks. I have two feet. You sell mostly to
diabetics. Yeah. I invest in stockings. I sell stockings. I sell socks. I've actually
it's used to be a bull market, but I think it's going to be a pair market. So stocking
is a big sock. By a pair. Interest rates are going down. So buy bonds, folks. By interest
is going down in the podcast. Also, this is not financial advice. Also by stocks, because
those normally rise. This is not financial advice, but you need to buy, buy, buy. When
interest rates drop, everything goes up. I'm not giving you financial advice right now.
When interest rates go down. I don't want you should put all your money into into certificates.
I want you to take all your money and put it in a cashier's check. Then I want you to
bury that in your yard. Yeah. Yeah. Leave all your money in your checking account. I
have a lot of money in CD cases. Yeah. Crossdressing. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Do you crossdress over?
Yeah. What's your girl name? Lizzo. Or call me skinny, skinny Joe and skinny Lizzo. Skinny
Josephine as opposed to fat Joe folks just tuning in. Yeah. Joe Fernandez. Who's your
who's your favorite female rapper? Mine is Sly Maroney. I don't know. I got a shout out
to Sly Maroney. Do you listen to these people? Yeah. Big Mucci Grape, Sly Maroney. These
are some of the rappers I've been getting into. I really want to get back into listening
to mainstream ones. I really want to get back into listening to Lil Wayne again. I played
Big Mucci Grape at Beer Belly the other night and people were coming over to see what it
was. So it must be good. People like Big Mucci Grape. I've been trying to get back in. I
don't know. People like Sly Maroney. She's a little more not as good. I'm trying to get
back into listening to much Lil Wayne from the past. I think he's coming out with a new
Carter soon. Oh yeah. Because he said there was the. He said the fix to the fifth was
the last thing he put out. That would be awesome if it's really good. Yeah. Because that would
probably be his last album before he would use it. I'm still high on Mexican OT man.
I've been listening to a ton of that. What was that? That Mexican OT. Oh yeah. Yeah.
The other day some black guy says he was like he like spelled his name and it was like it's
like T. T. Bell. He spelt his name. Yeah. And then like I like how I would you talk about
a black guy. You talk about a black guy. I can't remember like even. Yeah. But that was
just like I realized today it's like his name is T. Bell. I talk about. Oh that's kind of
cool. Yeah. Well it's not if you're you want your name to be Taco Bell. T. Bell. Yeah.
And I feel like that's probably why I like spelt it out. Who's that that guy Bishop T.
D. Bishop. What there's a guy who's just gotten trouble. I don't know. He was like doing gay
stuff. Sam. But he was a bishop. He was like a mega church leader and he got in trouble
for doing some gay stuff. Maybe he did gay stuff at a P. D. D. Party. Everyone's coming
down on P. D. D. That sounds like Sam Sam Bishop Sam Priest. I think you like Sam Bishop
Priest. I think that's who he is. He's a mega church black mega church leader. He tried to
move straight instead of diagonal. Yeah. So I'm still listening to this 20 hour hardcore
history about the Japanese and World War One was so good. Yeah I know but it made me legit
racist towards Japanese people. Like legitimately but it's like I used to feel bad about the
what did we have those camps for Japanese. Yeah they called internment camps. Yeah. Yeah.
And now you know why we need now we know why. Yeah. Holy shit. But I don't think it makes
you feel racist about the current Japan. No the current Japan. Invest Japan folks.
Financial advice. They fought in World War Two. They fought with modern weapons but they
fought like you know like Sam like medieval like brain like yeah but nothing never give
up until you're dead. The Congress. Cool. I don't know as much. So bad. And they were
just doing same shit just out of just to fear make make people fear them. There were people
this is a very ancient style with modern weaponry. Like an ancient mindset. Yeah. Like people
used to put people like pikes and stuff. Oh yeah they were torturing or like or like
like Xerxes would like stack like bodies. They were training on prisoners. Yeah. Like
if you were training to be in the Japanese military they'd have you kill a real person.
You just cut off a head. Yeah. You'd have to go like stab a POW with a bay and not to
like join the military. Yeah. It's like what do you call it. It's like an immortal. Yeah
it's like a moral. Never want to dance with the Japanese. I would say the devil. Bush
knocked down the tie. But first down to tie us till the truth. They did pretty good.
That's the song most deaf and immortal technique. No. Bush knocked down the towers. The Japs
did pretty good though. They were working with at the beginning. Yeah. They just had
all these sneak attacks. Yeah. Yeah. They were crushing it. That's pretty cool. They
almost harbor not. What was it going to say though. Oh the coolest thing I watched a
documentary about one of these guys. They're the Japanese legit did not believe that they
would ever surrender. They thought they would lose the war by every single Japanese person
being killed. I know. Yeah. So there were people who were still fighting in World War
Two for Japan as late as like 1975. And they got rescued or something. They would find
these guys who were just in the woods. Like the Philippines. Yeah. There was a guy shooting
a people. Yes. He was shooting it just like random people and like holding down the fort.
It was just him cleaning his rifle every day because they would be dishonorable if they
were deserters. Yeah. They told us to stay put and they just stayed there for 30 years.
They thought the newspaper would say the war was over and they thought it was propaganda
and stuff. So they literally had to go get his like lieutenant who is still alive and
like living a residential life. He was using a using a store like a boot maker. Yeah. They
had to have him come in and relieve him of duty and be like you're good. It's over.
Like go chill. That's what that's what the Japanese rule dude the honor. He used to fight wars.
And let me tell you something about that guy. He hated Gen Z. He's like I hate millennials.
He hated Gen Z. Back when I was back when I was young you stayed in the war for 30 years
extra. Yeah. He spent most of his life in a forest.
They were in the war. So that guy is fucking a came back a hero. There was another guy
who actually how many how many people did he killed in Philippines after the war?
Not that much. Shouldn't he be a murderer? Yeah. Well, it's hard to say because the
documentary I watch he only like shot. He would shoot at people when he was like stealing
supplies and stuff because he had no means to get. Yeah. But they talked about it a bit
in the in the in the Harpere Street one. But the reason he did kill somebody but they were
like they might have been shooting at him. It was like it was like little things would
pop off. But it was like not it was more like a gang fight like kind of small than a battle.
Yeah. Just like a few people popping off. The main reason I brought up that Harpere
Street thing in the first place is because I made that clip where I think I love when
people say it turned up to 11 or whatever. And then I throw my headphones and then within
five minutes the guy said is like the Japanese really turned it up to 11.
Oh my God. Do you listen at regular speed? Yeah, I do. Yeah. We could listen to it twice
as much if you just double that there. Yeah, but it the effect is not as good. I have to
ease it. He's a great like storyteller. I have also obsessive compulsion something where
I have to rewind it if I feel like I didn't hear it. Yeah. And I feel like I just if I
have to miss so much when I say lean I put it on point five. Hell yeah. Mine just comes
in point five already. Fuck. You're prescribed lean, right? Yeah. Yeah. Lean cuisine. They
want me on a diet. No, you said you're a psychiatrist. I prescribed you lean for some. For some
knows wrong. They said they'd said take a four to the head. And then they prescribed you
some Jolly Ranchers put in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They gave you the whole kit.
They gave you a double cup. I go as a sprite. Michelle Obama did not like it, but I'm getting
prescribed Jolly Ranchers. She hates it. She hates obesity. Hmm. I mean, he or she. We
don't know. No comment. We don't know. Big Mochi grape. So let's talk about the flavors
being Mochi grape. Yeah, what's the Pepsi list? The Pepsi. Well, I'll start vanilla Pepsi
number one. Cherry number today. Slow down. Let's do Sierra Miss flavors. Starry. Actually,
it's called starry. Oh, wait, that's Sierra Miss is different. The starry starry is sorry
sir. Missed Sprite. No, sorry, sir. Miss Starley star David. That's a coincidence. Sorry, sir.
Miss. I can promise you that. Oh my God, I'm gonna Google it because my brain is spinning.
Do you think that Sprite would give up that brand name? I that's why I thought it was
ridiculous. No, Sierra Miss did. Sierra Miss. Sorry. Sierra Miss. I remember when I remember
this is how old I am. I remember when Sierra Miss was invented. I know a girl named Sierra
Miss. She's a prostitute. Mm hmm. And a porn star. What? And she's fat. Doesn't sound like
a porn star named Sierra Miss. You know, like Russell Wilson. Well, it sounds like Mount
Dew. That's what always bothered me. Yeah. It's a mountain range and missed and Mountain
Dew do was like miss. So I was always like, what the fuck? This is not like Mountain Dew.
And they're under the same umbrella, I believe, too. Yeah, I'm due as a Pepsi one. Yeah, so
they missed the opportunity to have a cooler name like Mountain Dew or Sprite. Mountain
Dew was invented to drink with as a chaser for moonshine. Oh, really? Yeah, that's what
Mountain Dew because they would distill moonshine. And then it went from that to being Rachel's
here. And then away from went from that to being a thing that gamers drink like a hundred
of and get fat. What's up, Rachel? You're on the podcast. Okay, can I come in? I'm
No, what? Who do you hate? Who do you hate? Well, if you tell us the password is who you
hate right now. No, no, you can't say us. We're on the way. If you gotta say it. You
gotta say someone. What comic do you hate? Who do you hate in Chicago comedy? All three
of you. No, no, you can't say us. The buzzer will be hit as soon as you say. Okay. And
why is it James N'Jar? Yeah, hurry, hurry. It's cold. We'll let you do that.
Yeah, you probably hate all three of us right now. This will be a good clip. Say someone
fucking anyone like do you what do you stand for nothing? Say just give us a ton of it.
Just okay. Bye. So there you have it folks fucking really bold stance there. We got to
do four and a half more minutes. So brave comic there. So brave. Yes. Rachel, I think
I'll Mike we're gonna do four more minutes. Yeah. Well, unfortunately, she hates Michael
Robinson. Yeah, she says she hates Michael Robinson. Yeah. It's you know, it's understandable.
Our guest is here and I'll give you a clue on who it is. Don't get that's the only clue
you get. So or yeah, also, that's the only clue not the her actually just talking. We
say that we said the last name though, let's just say it's kind of like a swamp. Yeah,
yeah. Just say it's kind of like a marshland. Yeah, let's just say Jack Nicholson in the
department says I told you to put them in the blank. Shrek lives in in one I think now
working in a swamp. Let's do plugs. Dylan give me plugs. I want to plug we go back about
two minutes ago. We put Rachel on the line. She didn't name anyone. She said she was really
cold so I don't know if you missed that. Jason, you might miss some of it. I miss some of
it. You might want to rewind and yeah, we told her she had to suffer in the cold until
she told us you got punished. We'll get her. All right. Do you have any shows coming up?
Yeah, I have a bunch of shows coming up. So did the bookers finally get back to you? Finally,
I'll be a Zainiz on February 3rd, what's the after show 1115. Nice, dude. Yeah, I went
there. Do you email them or you go there in person? How did you get that? I've been emailing
you. How do you get on that? I've been emailing you. Shake down Calvin Evans. And then I was
at Zainiz and then he saw me and like Jason says, you got to talk to his dad Bob Evans.
You got to talk to his dad Bob Evans. Yeah, so you get it with Calvin Evans. Well, I talked
to Birdhouse. I forgot it. I can't wait for some like super creative song parodies. That's
gonna be for Bob Evans and Calvin Evans. Yeah. I like that. Do you have any plugs, Mason?
I have a I had no shows coming up. So book me and I made a mistake instead of emailing
show bookers. I was emailing show boogers. Oh, that's my mistake. I said they said, I
said, Hey, can I do your show? And they're like, Can you fit in a nose? Yeah, did the
emails go through a lot of noes emails and even balance the real thing? No, they no one
knows who books coming. They kept sneezing back at me. So I got for plugs for me. I got
re invited on Shark Tank. Nice for a when's that episode coming out? I want to watch.
I think it's on next Thursday or something. And Shark Tank, but it's kill tone. Well,
no, it's it's so remember I had that idea cars against humanity. Yeah. So Mr. Wonderful
and I'm getting the contract Mark Cuban really wanted it to. But like they're like anything
to hurt people. Well, so this is going to be kind of one off episode where it's a bidding
war between the two. And then we go more into depth on cars against humanity, which is
where we buy a city and then it's a good game and the person gets a car and then they try
to hit as many people as they can. I like that. Yeah. Monard a over. Also check it out.
I've been talking around with Mr. Bees's brother, Mr. Breast. Check me out at all the comedy
clubs around the city. If you just go on their pages, you'll see Mac Nepper probably
on the front page. You might be in like the green room with Zaini's. Yeah, I might be
hanging out with cool cats. I'm more I'm more I'm more a scene guy right now until
I finish all my tests and stuff. Yeah. So catch me being a scene guy around the scene
sometimes if he passes his tests. If I if I don't pass this test for a second time,
I am going to jump out of the skyscraper. Yeah. Yeah. I have to take the level six breast.
Really? Yeah. Oh, if I think the series is that means I'm on that means I'm level six
maybe. Yeah. Level six insurance. No, it's stonks. I'm low. These are all these are all
stonk tests. Level say Sir Tamali's. How are you doing on the sock exchange exchange?
Yeah, good new socks. They are matching. It's good. It's cold out. You want to double
those bad boys up? Yeah. I double this is not this is not financial insurance. I should
double up on your socks. This is not financial insurance. And that doesn't mean you wear
whatever financial advice. Shit. Ruin the joke. Hey folks, we'll we'll see you next
week for the good episodes go to patreon.com slash bad comedy. Also, we will have financial
advice cool steeper club. Cool steeper club.com promo code bad comedy for 20% off. They'll
save you a bunch of money and it's already pretty inexpensive and it's the best tea in
the world. Cool steeper club the tea of the world. Also check out brain spa at brain spot
or see an Instagram. You can for something fun. You can take that and you can, you know,
maybe do something with your life. Yeah, maybe maybe do somebody your life and get some tea
and some and some some some other thing. That's some bad. Yeah, grow up. All right, folks,
we'll catch you on this on the sunshine. Right. A joke. Yeah, right. Right. Right.
Right. This is our first episode of the show. How do you write a joke? I've heard of it.
Hey, before you listen to the next episode, I'll be right. It's an invented. We should
give you our patrons homework or our people homework. Yeah. Hey, maybe write a joke and
put it in the comments. Check out good burger advice for you get a life. Yeah. Get a life.
You're not even hanging out with us. You're just watching us hang out. Yeah. I hear what
a lot and I was a joke. Follow me on Letterbox. I'm Jason Melton on Letterbox. Yeah. Follow
me on Stephen Hofstetter box. Oh, shit. Follow me on a letter opener. I used to hijack a
plane. Alright. Letter opener. Bye, guys.