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Hey everybody, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. My name is Dr. Evil and I'm here with Jason

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Feltum up in Dylan Rufium down. What's up?

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Dylan roof. And let's cut to the chase, folks. What's on the plate? What do we got going

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on?

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It's on the plate. I got my Chinese sword and I'm feeling great.

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And you also have your American sword. Yeah, my American sword. I got on.

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Mm hmm. Yep. You have your new death row records. Sure. I do. I appreciate it. Yeah. So I was

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thinking that's sugar night, right? Like I'm sure that I was thinking bug night. And then

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I was like, maybe the movie Boogie Nights was named by Richard Nite.

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Shaggy Nights. Yeah. You know, he was in that movie in the background in a scene. What are

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those things that people wear? Where's though? It's like a backwards onesie thing.

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A robbery, a snuggie snuggie. What about snuggie nights?

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They should have a death row snuggie snuggie night or snugg night. Ever since I got that

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ever since I got that joke gift, I've been having snuggie nights.

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We should really just nail down like Jason would be sugar night. I would be sugar sugar

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sugar night. Sugar night for sure. And then I'd be to to Mac.

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Which because Dylan has all that weird depraved sex. He'd be a daddy.

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No, that's bad boy. But that's bad boy because you made love with Will Smith or something.

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No, wait, wait, why are we death row? Why aren't we bad boy?

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Because bad boys. Yeah, but they got big. They got biggie, right?

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Yeah, I like biggie more. Which one's to Poc two Pocs, Beth row.

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Yeah, that was West Coast. I saw this clip. I'm East Coast.

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I like East Coast rap. Yeah, I'm a East Side blood. I don't smoke

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that. More lyrical. You know, it's fun. Like M&M is like funny

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and like sketches or like when they try to have them do comedy.

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And I saw this video from like being like I was just inside trying to listen to my Will

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Smith record or something. All of a sudden and like, you know, he's funny.

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He's got a sense of humor. I wonder I wonder if like I walked up to him and it was busted

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in his balls. I bet he punched me in the face. I feel like he's probably I feel like

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talking to him off whatever had set or whatever. He's nervous.

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He's shy. He's shy. Yeah, I bet he's probably cool in a relaxed

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environment, but I'm a random fan walking up.

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Oh, yeah. There's some shit with him. You know, the only person who got him in a beef,

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in my opinion, is Mariah Carey. Do you ever see the Mariah Carey video where she dresses

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like I'm an Amin. No, no, there's this whole beef. He does mad shit about her, too.

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Which is funny because she married Nick Cannon and Nick Cannon had the beef with Eminem and

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Eminem like everyone he got destroyed before Eminem even responded like the Internet was

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just like, no, yeah, well, dude, the best the best Eminem beef is it's to Detroit people.

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It's the insane clown policy and Eminem. They had a beef and Eminem punch violent J one

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of the clowns in the face. That's awesome. Badass. I love I had no idea they had a beef.

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I would love to learn more about that. Look into it. I'm going to look up a picture for

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you guys. I want to give it to the I heard like should night like rolled up on on like

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Eminem and like some other people and was trying to like intimidate them and then Eminem

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just went outside. I was like, what? To shoot night? Yeah. Like not afraid and shit. That's

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like that joke. He would crazy white guy who hangs out with all black people. Yeah. Yeah.

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Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle. I forget. I was Matt growing up. That was me growing up.

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It was a joke as a famous stand up has a joke. And I tried to do a crazy one. Yeah. Yeah.

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It's like you if it's all black guys and one white guy, the white guys. Yeah, don't fuck

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with that. Yeah. How do you get in there? I think it's a Dave Chappelle joke. I like

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that she pelsketch wears like talking about the white friend should be doing the talking

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with the cops. Yeah, I did. I did win. We got pulled over. We were hot boxing a car.

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I tried to talk to the cops. I was like, I have not been spoken any marijuana. It's

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in the car. I was like, do you know my eye off my ass? These are my I'm tutoring these

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fine young fellows. Yeah. I tried to write a joke like the Dave Chappelle joke that was

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like, you got to look out for the one crazy lunch man who hangs out with all the lunch

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ladies. Like when it's when you're in high school and you go to lunch room. Yeah. It's

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all lunch ladies, but then there's one guy and that guy is fucked in the head. That

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guy's probably serial killer. Yeah. And he's always yeah. So there's this new movie called

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The Fairies. I don't know if you watched it. It's new. Well, it's got it's got 90 something

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percent. This is Mariah Carey dresses. I'm an Emma one of her music videos. It's just

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funny for like Mariah Carey to be. If you want to text it to me, I can put it on the

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I can put it as an image on the thing. Yeah. Sorry, folks, if I've been behind on the video

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episodes, but I think most of you listen audio, but I'm gonna I'm gonna get get back to it

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all good. I've retaken my series six exam on Monday. I don't pass it. I'm gonna kill

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myself. Have you taken this one before? Yeah, this is the one that I failed in every 30

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days. Yeah. Series six series six. Yeah. Okay. And then I got a more level five, but that's

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interesting. Yeah. This is the yes. The tougher one. It just got a 58% pass rate. 58% Yeah.

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Very good. That sounds tricky. And then I got to take the 63, which is a shorter test.

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And they can take that within a week. You got to tell the proctor that you'll kill yourself

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if you don't. Yes. In Minecraft. Well, that's that's what I was telling like. I was supposed

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to say that I heard somebody in a YouTube video not say that they said like they had

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like a weird like make yourself a hero. They had like a slang they were using instead of

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a YS. You say like you're supposed to hero yourself. The testing center is a martyr.

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Martyr. Yeah. Well, the testing center is like a high rise. So I told Mike that if I didn't

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pass, yeah, I'll be in the bakery with the pie rise. And I said, they put yeast in the

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pies. Oh yeah. Or like a souffle souffle souffle. But I told him that if I if I don't pass,

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I'm going to throw a chair at one of the windows of the of the pro metric test center and then

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the lack of I'm going to I'm going to jump out and then you probably want to hear from

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you after that. But you'll probably see it in the or maybe we will hear from you again.

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You will. Maybe you'll end it. Yeah. I have a little and 11. No, but I was saying in the

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news, it probably would say local hero jump jumps out of high rise building to his death

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after failing exam. Local hero. Yeah, like starting everything with local hero. Nothing

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to do with a hero. Hell yeah. Well, if you don't pass the test, we could maybe get you

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a job with Dylan. Talking to myself being unemployed. My dream job. I love to talk to

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myself on my couch. Hell yeah. And now you have Mike on the couch. Yeah. It's nice to

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have company. No, Mike's a Mike's good help here. Like in half baked. He's your guy on

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the couch. Yeah, he's been helping out walking Josie and stuff and he keeps he's nice and

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clean. He's you like your butler. Yeah, okay. Now it's different vibe. No, I'm just an

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indentured servant. No, he's like, I don't pay him. It's like, Okay, well, so he calls

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him to help. I mean, he's just unpaid help. What is the word for that? No, he just voluntarily

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just does his shares. So you're like more of a Kanye state of mind on it. Like slavery

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was a choice. This would be some some puff daddy right now. I like how much stuff there

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is about puff daddy like throwing gay parties. Yeah, just so many people talk about it.

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Well, you know, they're all coming together for a while, right? My theory is that you

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go by Puffy for a while. My theory is there's canceling puff daddy to try and cover up the

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Epstein stuff or distract from it. Yeah, that's my theory. It's possible. It's not like it

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too deep in there. It is not a good look. Can we talk about the news? This is actually

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all in the news. Yeah, I've seen list coming out and the puff daddy stuff is all over the

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news. I just started basically all these people are coming forward with allegations like Dylan

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stroke. Yeah, you know, they call an allegation in China. An irrigation. So that's what you

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do in state. You know, they call it in Florida. An alligator. You know, they called it Mexico

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and I a Gation. Nice. Alligator. You know, they called it. Thank you so much. Go to Mexico.

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David cars. They call alligators in Mexico. I a Gators. Yeah. Dude, I miss the Epstein.

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I miss the fact. I miss the fat tamale guy. I saw him last night. Oh, really? Because

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his name is Claudio. There's this poser that charges more. Oh, he was a he was at a power

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hour last night. Yeah. So the fat guy is cool. And I like Claudio. Yeah, he's been eating

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too many of his own tamales. But high on his own supply. Yeah. Folks, if you're not around

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Chicago, we're death row records or the other one, we know don't get high. Folks, if you

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don't know what the tamale guy is, it is a guy who walks around with a cooler full of

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hot tamales. He sells them to people and they're pretty damn good when you're drunk. One time

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a they have they have a poser. I have a prepared joke for this. No, but they have they have

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the old fact tamale guy that is on North bar Claudio. And now there's this poser that's

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charging a little bit more. But I didn't notice his tamales are bigger. Oh, yeah. So this

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guy's got to swoop in and take his turf. Is he or are they in cahoots? I've seen him

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with other actually I seen him. He was training somebody once. Oh, really? He had a guy coming

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around with him behind him and he had like a smaller cooler. What if they got a little

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cooler and he was training? They got a whole MLM thing going on. And then he goes, yeah,

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it's kind of like an MLM because they come in the bar and he goes enchiladas and he's

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like, no, no, tamale. He had to like, he's like, he's like, that's why we train. You

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got to learn how to say it to Malay and not enchiladas. Yeah, you got to take the test.

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The test is only 58% of people pass the test. The test is the one question is what do we

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sell? What do we tell it's a tacos, enchiladas, tamales or burritos? We're wondering if Jason,

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if you have a rotten tomatoes account or IMDB or I did start IMDB, but I'm big on letterboxed.

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How do you how do you have a website I use? How do you get verified to be a critic? Oh,

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I don't know how to do that. You should try to become one. Yeah, movie critic. Yeah. And

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then make and then make the movies. I love movies and I've been writing reviews of movies

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on letterbox to do like, check out nefarious. I'll check it out. So it's very low rated

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by critics, but extremely high rated by audience. Wait, should that be on my? Those are always

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my favorite movies. Yeah. So what I would do is go in there and become a critic or you

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probably have to write so many reviews to be a real critic or be an actual recognized

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critic. You might need some credentials. I don't know. You probably do to automatically

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get in, but maybe over time, if you review enough, then they let you be it. But you need

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to start making being into a cool critic, a critic of the people. I'm my own worst critic.

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I think I'm awesome. I'm like, wait, I'm like going through a movie phase right now. I've

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just been watching like everything. I watched, I got a movie recommendation. I've been recommending

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a lot of people. It's called possessor possessor a couple years ago. And it's about a woman

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who's an assassin. And what she does is they do a special surgery and she somehow goes

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into your head and becomes you. And then she kills somebody as you. And then he kills

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herself killing you. And then she goes back to her body. That's cool. And it's sick. And

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then this one guy, she's kind of getting worse at it. Possessor goes into this guy's head

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and he somehow fights and they have a whole fight inside their brain. What's it on? I've

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watched it on this movie. This illegal movie site. It's on streaming. It's somewhere, I'm

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sure possessor was cool, dude. There's it's by Cronenberg's son.

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Drone and I definitely watch this. He knows, he knows Cronenberg. I love Cronenberg. It's

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Brandon Cronenberg. Well, son. So it's like, it's not practical effects, but there's tons

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of gore and he's usually he's the voice in the Cronenberg film. Yeah. And I could see

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that. I could see his head exploding like in scanners too. Have we had an episode since

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we ever see scanners with the head explodes? That's a Cronenberg. Have we had an episode

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yet since we had a peace council with him talent in Nathan Lund? Not you have. I wasn't

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here, but I don't think I talked about it. I don't hear really. I listened to a recent

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speaking of like, I guess we're friends now, even on a recent episode of Chubby Behemoth.

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They brought me up and they go front of me of the podcast and Sam goes, no, we're friends.

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It's all good. They stopped calling me the front of me. Oh, wow. The podcast. That was

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my moniker for a second. I wonder if front of me of the podcast. I wonder if Nathan Lund

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thought it was funny when I pretend I was a super fan. The first thing they said to me

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when I saw them was they loved the Nathan Lund shirts. And they told me the story behind

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those Nathan Lund shirts was some guy they didn't know did all those shirts and claimed

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that he was going to give them money and never did. And now they and they're like, we think

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it's so funny because now we have proof he never paid. He never paid us because you guys

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bought three and we didn't hear anything. Yeah. And that's like, so we just bought that from

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some random fan of theirs. Funny. You need a Google alert for that. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah.

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They got to get Google alerts like Hofstetter. Oh, shit. I said his name. Now is mom. Your

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shirts are better though. For context on that. Listen back. Listen every episode folks. For

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context on that. I'm going to kill Steve Hofstetter's mom for context on that. I mean, cancel her.

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Yeah. And minecraft. Minecraft doesn't work on fortnight. Hey, new patrons. We got some

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new patrons. And I want to give him a shout out on here. We got Jason Lowry. Oh, yeah.

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Mark Allen. Oh, yeah. That is actually my shout out to Mark. The beginning of my real

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name is Mark Allen nepper. Whoa. You're about to get out. You're just boxing yourself. You're

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about to get a public episode. People are going to take everything from us. I don't give

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it crap. Shout out to Mark Allen. He's a guy. He's newer, but I've been seeing him at beer

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bow. I've been seeing him all over. I think this guy's hilarious. He's probably expand

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on the Jason Lowry one. I also love Jason Lowry. I got a story about Jason Lowry, but

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I don't want to interrupt you. He had the backpack. Yeah, he did. He does open mic and

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he came to my open mic and he was newer and kind of nervous and he sat on a stool with

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a backpack on his lap and talked very nervously for four minutes, kind of like holding the

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backpack like with his arm around it. I just was waiting for the whole thing to just explode

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and kill us all. It's such a like scary vibe. How nervous he was. Yeah, like he was robbing

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a bank or something. Yeah, just like super nice doesn't shoot. Oh, he's very funny.

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And I think he even appreciate the story because he's a little edgy. So as you can tell, new

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patrons were really nice to our fans and patrons. We hate our guests, though. Yeah. Nick Parker.

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Very conflicting. One of our guests is a patron. Yeah, cool guy. Nick Parker came to our live

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show. Shout out to Nick. I've got a new Parker. I never know names. You would remember from

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the live show he was sitting alone in the front on our left. Oh, really? Yeah, you remember

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that guy? And I kept looking at him like he's so familiar. My whole family was right behind

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him. So I would say some stuff. It looks like I was talking to him. Yeah, he told me he's

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been watching the free episodes and then he didn't realize I was the same guy who hosted

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beer belly where he was like newer comic. He's like, now that I came to this, I guess I

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got to sign up. Yeah, I guess he's a Cinco fan. Yeah, a little bit. He's trying to suck

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up to us probably. Hey, Nick Parker, don't worry if you're I mean, you're on the ground

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floor. We're still below 100. So I mean, you might get big places once we hit a million

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patrons. Parker. You think that guy's related to Parker Uber? I was gonna say that. No way.

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So it's kind of you want to get invested now in the pod. What happened? I just saw him

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referenced. So I think he is. I think he just doesn't come around us anymore. Yeah, I said

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a real one time in North Bar. He went up and I said, Parker Uber, Parker Uber, Parker Uber,

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more like Parker, take a lift home. Yeah, was as real name. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Change it,

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dude. That's horrible. Maybe join the family business. He had to quit. It's like if your

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name was Mike Myers is like, why would you go by that? We got two, we got two more. Yeah,

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we got two more folks. Tom Ryan. Oh, hell yeah. Shout out to Tom Ryan. He did a cool

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portrait of us at the live show. It's a place. I got to get back here. Yeah. Unfortunately,

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it was an etch. Put it up. So fortunately, it was an etch sketch. So he erased immediately.

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Yeah, Tom Ryan's one of my favorite people. One of these guys of all time and an excellent

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artist and then we have he's on our Patreon if you want to hear the episode. Oh, and also

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James Zajar joined and we blocked him. Go fuck yourself. Shout out to James Zajar on

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the free episode. You admitted you're a joke thief so we don't fuck with you scumbag. Also,

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James Zajar, you got no swag. I just want to say that right now. So he so he joined

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and then he started like reposting our like Eclipse and stuff. No fucking friend. Don't

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help us. And then he friended me on Instagram or something. And then he realized that he

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was black. Yeah, fucking dumbass. You know, it happened. Get the fuck out of the club.

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And now he's our friend. Yeah, like he's such a he's such a sick of fans. Now, did you

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forget what you did? We have one last one, guys. Rep rep hot circ. There's someone that

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went up last night. Somebody probably somebody from Instagram or what is it? R E H P O T

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S I R C R E H Rep P O T rep hot. S I R K S I R C rep hot circ. So how do you like them

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more than this is an assassin, right? Like this is somebody out like they're learning

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about us. I don't think so. No, they joined December 10th. They could have joined because

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of December 10th. Yeah, we posted that viral Lucian one on the second, I think. So it could

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have been an Instagram person. I've been trying to go viral on my Twitch. So I got a picture

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of Mr. Beast and I put Mr. Beast approved on it and I put that on screen and then I

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put some video footage of somebody playing GTA five on screen and some subway surfer.

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I have all this shit going on. It looks like a fucking Chinese website. Yeah, I want to

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do one last quick shout out as a Googler. You think I lost the mail, so I'm just going

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to send a new one. I'm making a new one and send it your award, your patron award from

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months ago. Yeah, so I'm going to send you a digital copy if you want. Yeah, very quickly.

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There was some other shit in there, but yeah, all I had all I had for you. Maybe I'll send

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you a knife. I don't know how that works. The USP. Maybe we'll write you an original

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poem. Is the exugler would be good for that. Yeah, it already rhymes kind of as exugler.

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I know it just has a little duration. If you don't know me, Google. Also shout out to Rory

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Songar and Rory Songar. The rest of the folks. P. D. Rodriguez. Yeah. And then Andy Mango,

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also your patron award got lost in the mail, but I don't think you care. Yeah, but let

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us know if you care. I think he does care. I feel bad because I know the exugler cares.

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He said, did you send the package? I never got it. And I said, I said, I dissented. You

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didn't get it. And he said no mango. Nice. Was it like, like, like, no mango. No dice

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or is like no from mango? I think it means like no. Yeah, it was the word mango. I think

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it means like no dice. Like, yeah, I like that a lot. Or maybe it means like no cap.

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Andy Mango is a if you guys don't know, he is a comedian from Pittsburgh and he wears

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a mango colored suit and he carries a mango on stage. Yeah. He's running for politics

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and stuff. Yeah. He's running for politics under mango policies. One of the funniest

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moments of my life is when we were sitting at that. Oh, I was with Donnie and we did

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a don't tell in Erie. How is that Christmas? It's great. The one we did was great. I don't

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know because I think don't tell moves around, but I really want to start. Don't tell Gary

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Indiana. I don't like all these angle with don't tell angle. Yeah, exactly. I don't

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like the reverse psychology. You know, just like don't tell like hush, like all this stuff.

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It's like, no, we got to be fair here, though. One has called bad comedy. Yeah, but you can

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do that to me. You can do one. No, I realized that. But they said like, Oh, don't it's like

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a secret thing. And it's like, that's that's not. Yeah. Every time somebody says they're

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on don't tell comedy, I always think, don't worry, I wasn't going to. Yeah. I wasn't even

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considering telling anybody I do not give a fuck. Those shows are a dime a dozen. I

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forget who was he's bought countercowley or just I kept saying is like, like, don't I

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guess I don't tell jokes to him. Yeah, I remember that you'd harass. What's the deal with when

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people post their show schedule and then they put a private event on there? Why do they

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do that? Is that to show I have a show? I'm getting booked. I just think that that's the

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lame one. I commented like, what's the deal with this one that it says I commented like

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pretending to be naive. Like, what's this one? I can't go to how come? Yeah, I want to go

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to that one. I know, I know, I know, I know naive. It's clearly to like, you know, I know

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naive. Who's naive? My black friend. Oh, it does kind of. Oh, who came up with this?

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So you know, my friend, Duracell, black guy, Duracell. Yeah, my friend, my friend, Duracell

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went to prison for battery. Was that set on a podcast? Yeah, I don't remember. Yeah,

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it was with the Bobby Byrds. Bobby Byrds. Yeah, we lost. We lost a half of it. No, it's

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like 30 minutes. No, we got 28 minutes and we lost the other hour. Brutal. Sorry, Bobby.

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It's all good. I posted a picture of him with Byrds. I'm bare man. That pretty much covers

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it. I saw someone was a had a list with the open mic the other day and I just realized

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James Najjar ruined lists for me. Well, someone I don't even know. I remember instantly hated

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them because they have a list. Sometimes lifts lists make you successful. Yeah, like Dale

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Dale. He does redeem. There was another example I had. I forgot Brandon told the story. The

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brand keeper. I'd never heard this that Dale was the drinker at power hour one time and

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Brandon went on stage and Dale had never met Brandon. He thought that Brandon was mocking

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his list. And Dale was about to fight Brandon because he's like, what do you make of fun

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to me? What do you make of fun? That's a classic narcissistic. If you want to go back on Instagram,

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go back to on my Instagram quite far, maybe like a year and look at the videos where on

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one power hour open mic, Dale was a drinker and he fell and like tumbled and like rolled

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for a while. And then also Zach Albers. Yeah, like fainted. I remembered an old one. Paul

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Miller fell at the old venue one time. Yeah, there was a I don't know if you've ever been

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to gallery cabaret, but there's a little like, you know, there's like a little story. We

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brought it back. We started it there. Right. You know, there's a little storage area like

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off the stage in the back left corner. Yeah. Paul Miller was sitting there and his chair

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fell back there like this whole chair and everything fell. And he fell at the awards

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to the Gazelle awards. What's that shirt? This is my new Lizzo shirt. Oh, that's awesome.

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How did they fit around the shirt? No, they had like a small version. I was amazed. Damn

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Jason today. We both got you swagged. We have no more swag than you guys did get me. Yeah,

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actually brought a cool sweater, but I'm too hot to wear it. Yeah, I try to turn off the

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heat and make it as cool as possible in here, but it just heats up so fast. My apartment

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is so cold right now. I'm so fucking jealous. And last night I was running the heater and

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the power was going out. If you want to use fucking with electricity. If you want, you

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could sleep on the couch and then Michael Sorab and then we'll sleep on. You use your

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tummy as a but yeah, I'm inside of so Rob. Me and Michael will curl up inside of so Rob.

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No, I'm saying that he could use your tummy as like a pillow. Oh yeah, yeah, he can go

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inside my tummy and use me like the Star Wars beast. Cut me open and I'll give him

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talent credit for when he was saying like, it's the same thing. I'm telling again. I

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think is it? No, it's still ham. Yeah, it's still ham. I was going to ham it just because

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he says what he says he doesn't hate me. Is that what he said? Yeah, yeah. He's like,

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I love you guys. I hate your podcast. Yeah. Yeah. I'll never do that again. Yeah, he

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will in the future. Thanks for the press, man. Yeah, thanks for the press. I felt bad

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for Sam when I was hanging out with him. He just seemed like stressed. Well, dude, he

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was doing it. He was doing like a billion shows. Well, he I think he had four 45 minute

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sets. He had to do in a row. Yeah, he did. He when he was when he was in town for like

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two or three days, he probably did like maybe like 12 hours of comedy or something like

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that. Yeah, something insane. You could just tell he was stressed out of 12 hours of stand

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up in front of a crowd in three days. And then so so Rob, Rob, he said that Sam wanted

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to be left alone, but that wasn't true. Huh? Robbie Flanagan came upstairs. Yeah, he made

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everyone leave. And then I was waiting around to say bye to him and he goes, I didn't tell

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him to say that. And then later I saw him wink at Robbie Flanagan. I was like, I don't

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know. Maybe he wanted less people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. And he was fucked

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up as soon as all those people left, like new people would show up who just got there

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later or just like Zaynese people. So it was like people who had didn't even know Sam

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were hanging out. Maybe Robbie hates me. Maybe. Yeah.

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At least him doesn't he's he had a vibe like I'm the manager. I got to be a hard ass. Yeah,

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yeah. But I don't know. I don't really know. I mean, I was just hanging up there for three

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hours on the show. So like, yeah, we can rotate, you know, I packed it, I packed it out, hanging

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on the green room. I listened to their podcast about it and they talked they made fun of

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Peyton Ruddy and said he ate all the food. The thing about that, they said he ate way

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too much food. I don't even remember that. Did you see that? He's doing it secretly.

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Oh, okay. He was being like, no, but that's what Peyton does, though. He doesn't like eating

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in front of people. Like, that's why I heard right away. He didn't get food right away

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and they pressured him into it. It's weird to be like, all right, you're a big guy, but

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you're talking to Sam Talin who's all he's bigger than everybody. Yeah. So maybe he felt

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comfortable. He finally felt comfortable. It would be like, okay, I'll eat. I heard

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he like went out to they went to like Denny's or something and like he got toast. If you're

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literally talking to a bunch of, a bunch of toast, talking to a normal meal. You're talking

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to a man the size of a hot air balloon. Yeah, exactly. Sam Talin. Yeah, you could eat. Yeah,

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that room was full of bad people. Yeah. First of all, I'm a little chubby and then but then

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you got Alex Luchin, that guy. Sam Talin. Alex Luchin lost weight. He's down like

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60 pounds or something. He used to be wider. That guy's the best comedian in the world.

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But just to think about telling the guy from Humboldt jungle, I think it's like the laws

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of nature, like the more mass you have, the more gravity you have, Nathan. Yeah, I was

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talking to Nathan. I was like, I think the reason why Sam's always surrounded by a bunch

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of other fat guys is the mass is like attracting, you know, like it's like, yeah, Newton's laws.

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But you would think I actually, it might be the opposite with the laws, but I like, I

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like your idea. More mass means more gravity. It's like, but it'd be tough to pull in the

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big ones. It'd be easier to pull in the small ones. Unpools in the earth. Yeah, I know because

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we're smaller than the sun. Yeah, but we have these people. We're smaller than Sam. We all

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rotate around saying, oh yeah, I got you. I got you. You got caught in Sam's orbit.

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Yeah. I'm for sure in the orbit. Yeah. Sam's definitely the biggest. I just think how embarrassing

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for someone who hides their food and then all of a sudden, Hamtall is talking about how

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much he was eating. And then we're talking about it again. He was listening to their

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podcast and they said they, they weren't sure because they were going down and doing shows

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coming back and forth. I was on mushrooms. So I did and I'm vegetarian. I didn't even

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eat it. It was all meat. That's the best thing about mushrooms is a vegetarian. I got some

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fried rice out of peer pressure and then they had only chopsticks. So hard to eat. Yeah.

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So I tried to eat the rice with chopsticks. I ate about a quarter of it and then just

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throw the rice with chopsticks. Jesus. You're supposed to kind of scoop it. Yeah. Yeah. I

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did that. You still can't get it all. Yeah. And I was just getting it on myself when I

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tried to. Me too. And I was on, I was, I was in a green room with people where it felt

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like this is fame and stress and stuff. Like, ooh, people are, you know, it's like a tense,

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like I shouldn't be here thing. And then I was also on mushrooms and I had split my pants

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and I was just sitting there like, so everyone's going to figure it out. I felt like this girl

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walked by and she had like what I thought was Jessica Misra's hair. And I go, uh, hey

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Jessica. And she goes, I'm not Jessica. And I'm like, fuck, I'm sorry. I thought you were

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Jessica's your hair. And she goes, we all look alike. And there was two black guys there

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and they're like, she's not black. What is she saying? She's a white girl with like

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really black hair. It wasn't a shot in the shot in the sky. I forget his name. He's

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from Denver. And I had, as she's leaving and she's like, yeah, we all look alike. I go,

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my girlfriend's black. You know, try to smooth it over. I'm not racist. I felt on the, on

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the, on the contrary, I felt quite relaxed all the time. I think I was just in a good

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mood that day or a nice, you know, I was doing, I was doing decent with torn pants. And then

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I was on mushrooms or torn pants. Who's that skinny guy they were touring with? He was,

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his name was Noah. He's from, he grew up around here, but he lives in Denver. He was doing

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guest spots. Yeah. I was telling him, um, oh, he, he's, he's scheduling an Uber. I told

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him I was gay. I was just scheduling Uber. He's like, what time should I schedule an

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Uber for for the airport tomorrow? Nathan? I was like, you scheduled Uber? Is we gay?

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I also told him, I also asked him if he knew Ben Brewer. Does he? What? Yeah. He's like,

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who's Ben Brewer? I was like, Oh, he's from Denver. He's half man, half beaver. He's

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a, he's a, yeah, no, Ben Brewer. It's always says, yeah, I know Ben Brewer. That's like,

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you know, they're cool. That's like our secret code.

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That was cool. I think he's like, uh, 19 or something. Oh, he's really not, not really.

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Nobody's young though. He just came off as so young to me. Yeah. He just seemed like

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a very young, he's a hyper, hyper kid. He was only, you know, when I was talking about the

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rap I liked at the table with Nathan Sam and him, uh, only he knew the names. So that

367
00:31:56,640 --> 00:32:03,520
was a young vibe. Yeah. Sam and Nathan were not, they don't listen to, uh, they don't

368
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:07,120
listen to a big moochie grape. Yeah. Well, long day, if you're listening right now, it

369
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:12,400
was great to meet you. Huge fan. What's eating big moochie grape? What's about big moochie

370
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:17,920
grape? What's eating big moochie grape? What's, what's eating big moochie? Adam Gilbert

371
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:22,800
grape. What's eating big moochie grape is he can't get enough money in hose. I think

372
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:27,200
for some reason I think that the hose again, for some reason I think that, uh, what's eating

373
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:35,040
Adam Gilbert grape is the funniest thing. Yeah. It's just low raisin. Yeah. Grape. What

374
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:39,040
a weird word. Grape. That's something. Paul, what's eating, what's eating at Adam Gilbert

375
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:44,080
grape? Any animal that weighs over a 30 pound. Yeah. Could eat him even like a bird. Yeah.

376
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:50,560
A bird. Anything that eats, could eat something the size of a seed. Dude, you definitely, I

377
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,720
think that's the way he's going to die is that he's a hawk is going to come down and

378
00:32:54,720 --> 00:33:00,000
pick him up. Yeah. I'm going to plant him like a seed in the ground. He's going to grow.

379
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:04,400
He's already growing dude. You better hurry up before he grows too much. He got eaten

380
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:11,640
by a whale, but through the blowhole. Not even a little crow. Not even through the

381
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:18,080
baleen. Yeah. Bailey. I used to tell my friend who is my friend, Louis. I've talked about

382
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:22,600
him before, but he always weighed just tiny bit more than me. And we, he had bad teeth

383
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,720
and we wasn't going to his teeth. So we would say that his teeth were Bailey.

384
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:33,720
He's a fan also. The baleen. Just get curtain. That's how I relate with whales because I

385
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:37,680
don't eat that much and yet I'm fat. It's because of the micro chips. You keep eating

386
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:44,880
so many small chips and you do a lot of crow for you. You do a lot of Peyton Ruddy hiding.

387
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,680
How many donuts did you eat on the way over? None. I had two bagels on the way over and

388
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,600
cream cheese. Two bagels. I actually would have been on time because I was making up

389
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:57,040
the time. So I stopped at Dunkin Donuts and there was a huge line and then I was definitely

390
00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:01,680
yeah. That's fine. Did you like traffic? No, there was another one I wanted to because

391
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:05,000
it would be, I thought it would be faster to go to and then there was a huge one. There

392
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:09,240
was a traffic in the line at Dunkin Donuts. The one near me normally isn't that busy if

393
00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:13,880
you want to go to that one off Western. That's right. Normally go. Then I yeah. I used to

394
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:18,360
live over here. So that was like my Dunkin Donuts. I always go to because I only go to

395
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:23,240
the drive through ones. I would never walk into a Dunkin Donuts. Like how the fuck do

396
00:34:23,240 --> 00:34:28,960
you do that? Why do some girls get their nails did like Lizzo on your shirt? Like why do

397
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:32,120
they get like long ass nails? I don't like that. I don't get it either. I don't scare

398
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:37,040
you like a witch. Also, and like if I'm getting like a handy from them, like it would just

399
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:42,520
be weird like a witch hand. Yeah. You know. Yeah, I don't know why they do it. I bet they

400
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:47,040
when I bet they say they do it for themselves. Yeah, definitely do. That's what women always

401
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:51,360
say when you're like, Hey, why do you wear makeup and like cute dresses and stuff? I

402
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:56,680
don't wear make me feel good. I understand. Long nails, but like but like the Freddie

403
00:34:56,680 --> 00:35:00,640
Kruger nails like yeah, I don't I don't give when they're really maybe that's why they

404
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:04,440
like Freddie Kruger. Yeah, that's possible. It's just getting ready for Halloween. Yeah,

405
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:10,080
I like Freddie Kruger. I think it's to make her look smaller and ratio to her nails. Oh,

406
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:14,640
maybe there is something like that. Have you watched like big poofy? Maybe there's a psychological

407
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,520
thing like when you paint your lips red, like with lipstick, you look like it looks like

408
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:24,960
a pussy psychologically. Maybe the longer nails remind you of something evolutionarily

409
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:31,120
to make your fingers longer. Like, Oh, she must be good stock. She got them long fingers.

410
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:36,400
I only I only put my lipstick on after I cross somebody off my list of ops that I've that

411
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:43,240
I've canceled and I put lipstick on and I lay back on the couch. Yeah. Maybe it's to

412
00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:48,640
reference from Billy Madison, folks. Maybe Lizzo wants you to think she could palm a basketball

413
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:52,560
because that's one reason you have long fingers is so you can palm a basketball. So she wants

414
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:55,920
people to think those are she wants to do like a got milk post you would think she could

415
00:35:55,920 --> 00:36:03,400
afford in a high school. You know, like this, she thinks she's the color like straight black.

416
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:08,360
So she got those nails. She's like, I'll pick this black color. Yeah, so it just makes her

417
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:14,160
fingers look like milk. She thinks she's slender man. Yeah, maybe I'll go my nails did with

418
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:19,080
just long skin colored. Do you listen to Lizzo or do you think the shirts cool? I just got

419
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:23,680
it because we make fun of Lizzo. I got it for the comedy bar thing. It's hard to make

420
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:27,200
fun of Lizzo because so many people love her. They're doing a Macy's Day parade float over

421
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:32,680
the 11. Yeah, it's supposed to be life size. Oh, wow. That's big. That's probably the biggest

422
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:37,520
flow in it. That's a parade. It's supposed to be the size of Sam Talent. No, really?

423
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:44,600
What's so big? It's gonna be like, God, it's huge. Check out trouble. He missed podcast.

424
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:48,440
Did you hear he has a special come out and they had to film it with nine cameras because

425
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:56,360
they did three angles. Oh, really? Well, three cameras per angle. I remember at Zayniz when

426
00:36:56,360 --> 00:37:03,480
he told him that when you when you called him out on the on the camera. Yeah, yeah. He

427
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:08,200
called Sam Talent out for when he was talking about podcasts because on his podcast, he

428
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:12,600
told the three cameras joke and no one laughed and he goes, see, that's how bad it was. And

429
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:16,600
I was like, no, you love that joke. He's like, I do love that you said you said the joke

430
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:22,120
prior. Yeah, you said the joke and then and then you laughed and then you said, welcome

431
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:27,520
on your part. I had to call him out. Don't you don't get to laugh at that joke anymore.

432
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:33,560
You liar. Guys, be honest. Do I look like a Chinese struggle Lord? Yeah, if I like a

433
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:40,200
different shirt on in the like face, yes. Yeah. And a sword. Yeah, the sword helps. Yeah,

434
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:45,200
because I mostly in the eyes. Well, I just need to get some kind of like and the skin

435
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:50,840
tone. I feel like the triads probably wear like suits. It's a try. And the those are

436
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:56,880
the that's the Chinese Yakuza. Yeah, whatever. You know, that's a Japanese. It's a type of

437
00:37:56,880 --> 00:38:04,240
Chinese gang, the triads. It's like the Bob of each country. Yeah, I was in a game called

438
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:11,280
the tripods. All of our Dixie is long as one of our legs. Nice. The three legged race,

439
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:15,920
the tripods were Yakuza. Yeah, on the clip on the clip I posted today that got really

440
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:26,400
no love except for John Hickok posted that his legs are this horse dick size or something.

441
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:31,920
His legs are the size of a horse. Yeah, I heard about your aftics are four times as

442
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:35,600
long as horse. Yeah, that was kind of a half clip that I had to make late at night last

443
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:41,360
night to get one out. Yeah, dude. Yeah, you put on a ton of clips recently. Yeah, I've

444
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:48,160
been trying to do them daily again. Yeah, but I didn't do one yesterday. I just did by birds.

445
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:52,760
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jason, can I bum one of those? Yeah, go to town. The CBD cigarette.

446
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:58,520
I'll probably do an every other type of thing or like tomorrow. I'll probably actually know

447
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:02,440
on the days that an episode comes out. I'll just post the episode. I've been crazy busy.

448
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:07,600
I'm I think I'm buying an apartment. Yeah, or condo. Yeah, condo. Yeah, I don't know

449
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:11,280
how to say it. I don't even know how to use the language. I messaged the lawyer. I was

450
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:15,120
like, I think I need you for something. I don't know what it's called the contract or

451
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:19,760
something. He's like, Oh, you're all good. I got you. I said something. I just like,

452
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:23,240
I don't know the right words, but you know what I mean? You know, like when you're buying

453
00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:28,360
a house. Yeah, I was emailing a house lawyer and I was like, you know, when you need a

454
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:37,640
lawyer for buying a house, are you every hour? It's cold. Is that you? Are you Jewish? I

455
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:44,080
think it's actually an Italian lawyer. Nice. Can you get me off my Rico charges? Do you

456
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:52,320
need a lawyer or do the do the mortgage companies generally have pride one? Chas was explaining

457
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:58,320
it. Shout out to Chas. Yeah, Chas. Chas, Rickert Chas, my real estate agent. Go to Chas. I'll

458
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:03,200
hook him up. Yeah, for real. We're just calling him a man for me. This guy, he knows Max parents,

459
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:09,680
I guess. He knows my mom and he is like become my friend. Yeah, you know what I mean? I didn't

460
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:14,120
know if we'd become friends because his name is Chas and he looks like a Chas. Yeah, I

461
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:19,360
was like, this is not my normal. Actually, it's like that. Not the guy kind of looking

462
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:23,960
guy I normally hang out with. When I first met him or after we looked at maybe our first

463
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:29,040
thing of houses, this is when I lived over in Logan Square and I had a front deck that

464
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:34,080
I was hanging out on like a cool like a yeah, I love that. Like a gangsta. We used to do

465
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:39,160
a lot of stoop hangs hang on the stoop. Yeah, we would have big stoop hangs with me and Chas.

466
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:43,880
We just got a six pack of beer set out there, talked about life. Hell yeah, dude. And then

467
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:47,800
at the end, once I bought the house, we got some beers at. Yeah, you can go ahead, put

468
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:52,720
your microphone down, don't you'll never be able to chime in on buying a house. We got

469
00:40:52,720 --> 00:41:00,600
beers at almost my one years ago. We got beers. We got beers at Lottie's. Was it a treehouse?

470
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:07,040
Maybe we got beers at Lottie's at the outside of it during the day. Oh yeah, this is weird

471
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:10,480
because I've heard been a lot. He's been during the day. I'm like, so have those tents and

472
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:15,440
shit, whatever. I'm not sure. But before comedy, I would only go to Lottie's like late late

473
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:22,480
night. So they're like maybe 2am. And then I'll just be absolutely blacked out. So it's

474
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:27,720
funny. I feel like you're in an episode of Chicago PD. Yeah. So they shoot a lot of episodes

475
00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:32,200
of Chicago PD there. Yeah, something like that. I'm trying to get a mortgage on a bouncy

476
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:39,080
house. Oh, we're gonna put it. I gotta get pretty approved first. Yeah, I can help you

477
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,600
that I have a bouncy house. I do need some more. He doesn't want to live in it. He's

478
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:49,320
just trying to get more kids to come over to his house. I wonder if if our friend Matt,

479
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:56,800
if he knows how to do the mortgages for bouncy houses, he might. Yeah. He might know a lender.

480
00:41:56,800 --> 00:42:04,320
Ches does not reply. Ches stop reporting. I think I think Matt doesn't want to do the

481
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:08,680
paperwork really. So he just gave it to his brother. I think he was busy. His brother did

482
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:12,680
it. Yeah. I mean, his brother's also it's his older brother. They work together. Their

483
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:17,440
partners. His older brother originally brought him into the mortgage business. And then he

484
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:22,840
moved from strict mortgages to, I don't know, management plus a bunch of other things. I

485
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:26,640
assume it was something like that. I don't care. He's been helpful. I got no issue. Yeah.

486
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,880
Everyone's been super nice. Everyone likes it when you're about to spend a lot of money.

487
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:37,200
They treat you really good. Well, yeah, just because since, um, yeah, you but it's better

488
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:41,360
to have the full attention of someone versus someone who's focused on a bunch of other

489
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:48,400
things for real. For real. That's true. But yeah, Chas is cool. Chas. Yeah. Shout Chas.

490
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:54,760
He's got a degree in sociology. I have a degree in sociology. Also, it's a series. He says

491
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:59,200
you really good friends. No, he has a series seven, which is, oh, that's what you're working

492
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:04,320
on. Six. I work on six. You want to get to seven? Maybe it's level seven. I don't know

493
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:08,040
if I'm allowed. I don't know if I'm allowed to get it with the company, the seven. This

494
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:16,760
is to sell insurance. No, this is for retirement retirement accounts, rollovers, mutual fund

495
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:23,800
savings accounts. Boring. Yeah. No, I mean, it's you know, I think it's mutually fun

496
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:29,800
having sex. Yeah. That's my kind of mutual fund. It's basically it's nice. It's just

497
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:33,760
all stock stuff, but it's not not individual. It's always mutual with me, by the way. Yeah.

498
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:38,560
Because I ask permission. It's always it's just not individual stocks that I'm selling.

499
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:43,160
So it'd be someone who do a mutual fund, which is already diversified. Yeah. I always sell

500
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:50,480
socks and pairs. Pairs. Yeah. I sell socks. I buy and sell socks. I thought we were going

501
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:55,760
on a pair route. I thought you sell individual socks. I have two feet. You sell mostly to

502
00:43:55,760 --> 00:44:03,880
diabetics. Yeah. I invest in stockings. I sell stockings. I sell socks. I've actually

503
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:09,680
it's used to be a bull market, but I think it's going to be a pair market. So stocking

504
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:20,760
is a big sock. By a pair. Interest rates are going down. So buy bonds, folks. By interest

505
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:28,440
is going down in the podcast. Also, this is not financial advice. Also by stocks, because

506
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:36,440
those normally rise. This is not financial advice, but you need to buy, buy, buy. When

507
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:40,760
interest rates drop, everything goes up. I'm not giving you financial advice right now.

508
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:46,840
When interest rates go down. I don't want you should put all your money into into certificates.

509
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:52,160
I want you to take all your money and put it in a cashier's check. Then I want you to

510
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:56,200
bury that in your yard. Yeah. Yeah. Leave all your money in your checking account. I

511
00:44:56,200 --> 00:45:04,600
have a lot of money in CD cases. Yeah. Crossdressing. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Do you crossdress over?

512
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:14,920
Yeah. What's your girl name? Lizzo. Or call me skinny, skinny Joe and skinny Lizzo. Skinny

513
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:24,920
Josephine as opposed to fat Joe folks just tuning in. Yeah. Joe Fernandez. Who's your

514
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:29,400
who's your favorite female rapper? Mine is Sly Maroney. I don't know. I got a shout out

515
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:33,440
to Sly Maroney. Do you listen to these people? Yeah. Big Mucci Grape, Sly Maroney. These

516
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:37,080
are some of the rappers I've been getting into. I really want to get back into listening

517
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:41,840
to mainstream ones. I really want to get back into listening to Lil Wayne again. I played

518
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,680
Big Mucci Grape at Beer Belly the other night and people were coming over to see what it

519
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:49,960
was. So it must be good. People like Big Mucci Grape. I've been trying to get back in. I

520
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:55,080
don't know. People like Sly Maroney. She's a little more not as good. I'm trying to get

521
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:59,480
back into listening to much Lil Wayne from the past. I think he's coming out with a new

522
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,880
Carter soon. Oh yeah. Because he said there was the. He said the fix to the fifth was

523
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:08,040
the last thing he put out. That would be awesome if it's really good. Yeah. Because that would

524
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:11,160
probably be his last album before he would use it. I'm still high on Mexican OT man.

525
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:17,160
I've been listening to a ton of that. What was that? That Mexican OT. Oh yeah. Yeah.

526
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:22,960
The other day some black guy says he was like he like spelled his name and it was like it's

527
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:28,560
like T. T. Bell. He spelt his name. Yeah. And then like I like how I would you talk about

528
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:33,200
a black guy. You talk about a black guy. I can't remember like even. Yeah. But that was

529
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:38,000
just like I realized today it's like his name is T. Bell. I talk about. Oh that's kind of

530
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:44,000
cool. Yeah. Well it's not if you're you want your name to be Taco Bell. T. Bell. Yeah.

531
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:50,320
And I feel like that's probably why I like spelt it out. Who's that that guy Bishop T.

532
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:54,760
D. Bishop. What there's a guy who's just gotten trouble. I don't know. He was like doing gay

533
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:59,800
stuff. Sam. But he was a bishop. He was like a mega church leader and he got in trouble

534
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:03,160
for doing some gay stuff. Maybe he did gay stuff at a P. D. D. Party. Everyone's coming

535
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:07,680
down on P. D. D. That sounds like Sam Sam Bishop Sam Priest. I think you like Sam Bishop

536
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:12,480
Priest. I think that's who he is. He's a mega church black mega church leader. He tried to

537
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:23,000
move straight instead of diagonal. Yeah. So I'm still listening to this 20 hour hardcore

538
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:29,600
history about the Japanese and World War One was so good. Yeah I know but it made me legit

539
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:37,320
racist towards Japanese people. Like legitimately but it's like I used to feel bad about the

540
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:43,040
what did we have those camps for Japanese. Yeah they called internment camps. Yeah. Yeah.

541
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:48,440
And now you know why we need now we know why. Yeah. Holy shit. But I don't think it makes

542
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:55,720
you feel racist about the current Japan. No the current Japan. Invest Japan folks.

543
00:47:55,720 --> 00:48:01,120
Financial advice. They fought in World War Two. They fought with modern weapons but they

544
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:07,640
fought like you know like Sam like medieval like brain like yeah but nothing never give

545
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:13,120
up until you're dead. The Congress. Cool. I don't know as much. So bad. And they were

546
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:17,920
just doing same shit just out of just to fear make make people fear them. There were people

547
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:23,680
this is a very ancient style with modern weaponry. Like an ancient mindset. Yeah. Like people

548
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:27,520
used to put people like pikes and stuff. Oh yeah they were torturing or like or like

549
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:33,040
like Xerxes would like stack like bodies. They were training on prisoners. Yeah. Like

550
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:37,040
if you were training to be in the Japanese military they'd have you kill a real person.

551
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:41,680
You just cut off a head. Yeah. You'd have to go like stab a POW with a bay and not to

552
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:46,640
like join the military. Yeah. It's like what do you call it. It's like an immortal. Yeah

553
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:57,400
it's like a moral. Never want to dance with the Japanese. I would say the devil. Bush

554
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:02,520
knocked down the tie. But first down to tie us till the truth. They did pretty good.

555
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:07,800
That's the song most deaf and immortal technique. No. Bush knocked down the towers. The Japs

556
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:11,720
did pretty good though. They were working with at the beginning. Yeah. They just had

557
00:49:11,720 --> 00:49:14,920
all these sneak attacks. Yeah. Yeah. They were crushing it. That's pretty cool. They

558
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:20,040
almost harbor not. What was it going to say though. Oh the coolest thing I watched a

559
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:25,320
documentary about one of these guys. They're the Japanese legit did not believe that they

560
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:29,560
would ever surrender. They thought they would lose the war by every single Japanese person

561
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:33,280
being killed. I know. Yeah. So there were people who were still fighting in World War

562
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:37,800
Two for Japan as late as like 1975. And they got rescued or something. They would find

563
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:42,600
these guys who were just in the woods. Like the Philippines. Yeah. There was a guy shooting

564
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:46,840
a people. Yes. He was shooting it just like random people and like holding down the fort.

565
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:51,080
It was just him cleaning his rifle every day because they would be dishonorable if they

566
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:56,520
were deserters. Yeah. They told us to stay put and they just stayed there for 30 years.

567
00:49:56,520 --> 00:50:00,840
They thought the newspaper would say the war was over and they thought it was propaganda

568
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:05,960
and stuff. So they literally had to go get his like lieutenant who is still alive and

569
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:11,000
like living a residential life. He was using a using a store like a boot maker. Yeah. They

570
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:16,200
had to have him come in and relieve him of duty and be like you're good. It's over.

571
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:21,320
Like go chill. That's what that's what the Japanese rule dude the honor. He used to fight wars.

572
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:26,600
And let me tell you something about that guy. He hated Gen Z. He's like I hate millennials.

573
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:31,920
He hated Gen Z. Back when I was back when I was young you stayed in the war for 30 years

574
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:37,160
extra. Yeah. He spent most of his life in a forest.

575
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:42,320
They were in the war. So that guy is fucking a came back a hero. There was another guy

576
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:47,120
who actually how many how many people did he killed in Philippines after the war?

577
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:52,520
Not that much. Shouldn't he be a murderer? Yeah. Well, it's hard to say because the

578
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:56,560
documentary I watch he only like shot. He would shoot at people when he was like stealing

579
00:50:56,560 --> 00:51:00,840
supplies and stuff because he had no means to get. Yeah. But they talked about it a bit

580
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:06,040
in the in the in the Harpere Street one. But the reason he did kill somebody but they were

581
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:10,880
like they might have been shooting at him. It was like it was like little things would

582
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:16,600
pop off. But it was like not it was more like a gang fight like kind of small than a battle.

583
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:20,840
Yeah. Just like a few people popping off. The main reason I brought up that Harpere

584
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:25,680
Street thing in the first place is because I made that clip where I think I love when

585
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:31,320
people say it turned up to 11 or whatever. And then I throw my headphones and then within

586
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:36,640
five minutes the guy said is like the Japanese really turned it up to 11.

587
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:44,720
Oh my God. Do you listen at regular speed? Yeah, I do. Yeah. We could listen to it twice

588
00:51:44,720 --> 00:51:49,880
as much if you just double that there. Yeah, but it the effect is not as good. I have to

589
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:56,080
ease it. He's a great like storyteller. I have also obsessive compulsion something where

590
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:59,920
I have to rewind it if I feel like I didn't hear it. Yeah. And I feel like I just if I

591
00:51:59,920 --> 00:52:06,360
have to miss so much when I say lean I put it on point five. Hell yeah. Mine just comes

592
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:14,040
in point five already. Fuck. You're prescribed lean, right? Yeah. Yeah. Lean cuisine. They

593
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:20,320
want me on a diet. No, you said you're a psychiatrist. I prescribed you lean for some. For some

594
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:26,880
knows wrong. They said they'd said take a four to the head. And then they prescribed you

595
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:32,880
some Jolly Ranchers put in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They gave you the whole kit.

596
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:38,520
They gave you a double cup. I go as a sprite. Michelle Obama did not like it, but I'm getting

597
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:47,280
prescribed Jolly Ranchers. She hates it. She hates obesity. Hmm. I mean, he or she. We

598
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:51,280
don't know. No comment. We don't know. Big Mochi grape. So let's talk about the flavors

599
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:56,400
being Mochi grape. Yeah, what's the Pepsi list? The Pepsi. Well, I'll start vanilla Pepsi

600
00:52:56,400 --> 00:53:04,520
number one. Cherry number today. Slow down. Let's do Sierra Miss flavors. Starry. Actually,

601
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:08,480
it's called starry. Oh, wait, that's Sierra Miss is different. The starry starry is sorry

602
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:14,120
sir. Missed Sprite. No, sorry, sir. Miss Starley star David. That's a coincidence. Sorry, sir.

603
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:17,720
Miss. I can promise you that. Oh my God, I'm gonna Google it because my brain is spinning.

604
00:53:17,720 --> 00:53:21,840
Do you think that Sprite would give up that brand name? I that's why I thought it was

605
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:28,840
ridiculous. No, Sierra Miss did. Sierra Miss. Sorry. Sierra Miss. I remember when I remember

606
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:33,640
this is how old I am. I remember when Sierra Miss was invented. I know a girl named Sierra

607
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:43,120
Miss. She's a prostitute. Mm hmm. And a porn star. What? And she's fat. Doesn't sound like

608
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:46,960
a porn star named Sierra Miss. You know, like Russell Wilson. Well, it sounds like Mount

609
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:52,400
Dew. That's what always bothered me. Yeah. It's a mountain range and missed and Mountain

610
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:55,920
Dew do was like miss. So I was always like, what the fuck? This is not like Mountain Dew.

611
00:53:55,920 --> 00:54:00,200
And they're under the same umbrella, I believe, too. Yeah, I'm due as a Pepsi one. Yeah, so

612
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:05,080
they missed the opportunity to have a cooler name like Mountain Dew or Sprite. Mountain

613
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:14,120
Dew was invented to drink with as a chaser for moonshine. Oh, really? Yeah, that's what

614
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:18,040
Mountain Dew because they would distill moonshine. And then it went from that to being Rachel's

615
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:22,800
here. And then away from went from that to being a thing that gamers drink like a hundred

616
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:28,120
of and get fat. What's up, Rachel? You're on the podcast. Okay, can I come in? I'm

617
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:34,200
No, what? Who do you hate? Who do you hate? Well, if you tell us the password is who you

618
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:41,800
hate right now. No, no, you can't say us. We're on the way. If you gotta say it. You

619
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:47,600
gotta say someone. What comic do you hate? Who do you hate in Chicago comedy? All three

620
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:57,520
of you. No, no, you can't say us. The buzzer will be hit as soon as you say. Okay. And

621
00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:05,880
why is it James N'Jar? Yeah, hurry, hurry. It's cold. We'll let you do that.

622
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:17,320
Yeah, you probably hate all three of us right now. This will be a good clip. Say someone

623
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:24,160
fucking anyone like do you what do you stand for nothing? Say just give us a ton of it.

624
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:32,680
Just okay. Bye. So there you have it folks fucking really bold stance there. We got to

625
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:39,120
do four and a half more minutes. So brave comic there. So brave. Yes. Rachel, I think

626
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:46,000
I'll Mike we're gonna do four more minutes. Yeah. Well, unfortunately, she hates Michael

627
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:53,240
Robinson. Yeah, she says she hates Michael Robinson. Yeah. It's you know, it's understandable.

628
00:55:53,240 --> 00:55:57,920
Our guest is here and I'll give you a clue on who it is. Don't get that's the only clue

629
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:06,040
you get. So or yeah, also, that's the only clue not the her actually just talking. We

630
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:12,280
say that we said the last name though, let's just say it's kind of like a swamp. Yeah,

631
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:18,320
yeah. Just say it's kind of like a marshland. Yeah, let's just say Jack Nicholson in the

632
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:26,040
department says I told you to put them in the blank. Shrek lives in in one I think now

633
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:35,120
working in a swamp. Let's do plugs. Dylan give me plugs. I want to plug we go back about

634
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:40,960
two minutes ago. We put Rachel on the line. She didn't name anyone. She said she was really

635
00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:45,480
cold so I don't know if you missed that. Jason, you might miss some of it. I miss some of

636
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:50,680
it. You might want to rewind and yeah, we told her she had to suffer in the cold until

637
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:56,400
she told us you got punished. We'll get her. All right. Do you have any shows coming up?

638
00:56:56,400 --> 00:57:04,120
Yeah, I have a bunch of shows coming up. So did the bookers finally get back to you? Finally,

639
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:12,680
I'll be a Zainiz on February 3rd, what's the after show 1115. Nice, dude. Yeah, I went

640
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:17,480
there. Do you email them or you go there in person? How did you get that? I've been emailing

641
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:21,560
you. How do you get on that? I've been emailing you. Shake down Calvin Evans. And then I was

642
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:28,200
at Zainiz and then he saw me and like Jason says, you got to talk to his dad Bob Evans.

643
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:31,600
You got to talk to his dad Bob Evans. Yeah, so you get it with Calvin Evans. Well, I talked

644
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:42,440
to Birdhouse. I forgot it. I can't wait for some like super creative song parodies. That's

645
00:57:42,440 --> 00:57:49,360
gonna be for Bob Evans and Calvin Evans. Yeah. I like that. Do you have any plugs, Mason?

646
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:56,400
I have a I had no shows coming up. So book me and I made a mistake instead of emailing

647
00:57:56,400 --> 00:58:03,040
show bookers. I was emailing show boogers. Oh, that's my mistake. I said they said, I

648
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:07,800
said, Hey, can I do your show? And they're like, Can you fit in a nose? Yeah, did the

649
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:12,800
emails go through a lot of noes emails and even balance the real thing? No, they no one

650
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:19,400
knows who books coming. They kept sneezing back at me. So I got for plugs for me. I got

651
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:24,800
re invited on Shark Tank. Nice for a when's that episode coming out? I want to watch.

652
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:30,640
I think it's on next Thursday or something. And Shark Tank, but it's kill tone. Well,

653
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:37,040
no, it's it's so remember I had that idea cars against humanity. Yeah. So Mr. Wonderful

654
00:58:37,040 --> 00:58:42,160
and I'm getting the contract Mark Cuban really wanted it to. But like they're like anything

655
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:46,560
to hurt people. Well, so this is going to be kind of one off episode where it's a bidding

656
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:51,800
war between the two. And then we go more into depth on cars against humanity, which is

657
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:57,000
where we buy a city and then it's a good game and the person gets a car and then they try

658
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:02,040
to hit as many people as they can. I like that. Yeah. Monard a over. Also check it out.

659
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:10,480
I've been talking around with Mr. Bees's brother, Mr. Breast. Check me out at all the comedy

660
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:13,920
clubs around the city. If you just go on their pages, you'll see Mac Nepper probably

661
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:18,000
on the front page. You might be in like the green room with Zaini's. Yeah, I might be

662
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:24,600
hanging out with cool cats. I'm more I'm more I'm more a scene guy right now until

663
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:30,680
I finish all my tests and stuff. Yeah. So catch me being a scene guy around the scene

664
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:35,360
sometimes if he passes his tests. If I if I don't pass this test for a second time,

665
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:41,480
I am going to jump out of the skyscraper. Yeah. Yeah. I have to take the level six breast.

666
00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:46,440
Really? Yeah. Oh, if I think the series is that means I'm on that means I'm level six

667
00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:52,400
maybe. Yeah. Level six insurance. No, it's stonks. I'm low. These are all these are all

668
00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:59,040
stonk tests. Level say Sir Tamali's. How are you doing on the sock exchange exchange?

669
00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:04,520
Yeah, good new socks. They are matching. It's good. It's cold out. You want to double

670
01:00:04,520 --> 01:00:11,840
those bad boys up? Yeah. I double this is not this is not financial insurance. I should

671
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:16,160
double up on your socks. This is not financial insurance. And that doesn't mean you wear

672
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:22,440
whatever financial advice. Shit. Ruin the joke. Hey folks, we'll we'll see you next

673
01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:30,120
week for the good episodes go to patreon.com slash bad comedy. Also, we will have financial

674
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:38,000
advice cool steeper club. Cool steeper club.com promo code bad comedy for 20% off. They'll

675
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:41,160
save you a bunch of money and it's already pretty inexpensive and it's the best tea in

676
01:00:41,160 --> 01:00:46,280
the world. Cool steeper club the tea of the world. Also check out brain spa at brain spot

677
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:54,280
or see an Instagram. You can for something fun. You can take that and you can, you know,

678
01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:58,800
maybe do something with your life. Yeah, maybe maybe do somebody your life and get some tea

679
01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:08,440
and some and some some some other thing. That's some bad. Yeah, grow up. All right, folks,

680
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:14,120
we'll catch you on this on the sunshine. Right. A joke. Yeah, right. Right. Right.

681
01:01:14,120 --> 01:01:19,200
Right. This is our first episode of the show. How do you write a joke? I've heard of it.

682
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:21,920
Hey, before you listen to the next episode, I'll be right. It's an invented. We should

683
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:27,560
give you our patrons homework or our people homework. Yeah. Hey, maybe write a joke and

684
01:01:27,560 --> 01:01:32,920
put it in the comments. Check out good burger advice for you get a life. Yeah. Get a life.

685
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:37,700
You're not even hanging out with us. You're just watching us hang out. Yeah. I hear what

686
01:01:37,700 --> 01:01:46,220
a lot and I was a joke. Follow me on Letterbox. I'm Jason Melton on Letterbox. Yeah. Follow

687
01:01:46,220 --> 01:01:51,580
me on Stephen Hofstetter box. Oh, shit. Follow me on a letter opener. I used to hijack a

688
01:01:51,580 --> 01:02:04,780
plane. Alright. Letter opener. Bye, guys.