Hey everybody welcome to the bad comedy podcast my name is Cricut Cricut Crockett and I am
here with as always you have a microphone god damn it Michael Robinson because my dick
be throbbing son dude you gotta say that on stage and then of course we're here with
Michael cooler I'm like a cooler version of Michael Cooper you eat gumballs I eat a lot
of gumballs when I can afford them I do have a go fund me for some gumballs what makes
you cooler though than Michael Cooper the fact that people call me forest gumball which
is a great movie all right folks actually first of all I did want to talk about Jason's
done here and people are wondering why the reason was he went to he went to to Buffalo
New York for a wing eating competition to see you could eat most wings it was like vegetarian
wings and on the flight back on the flight back they didn't have any jumbo jets so it
was we got stuck there for a few days because they had to basically like they knew what is
it called when you use fire to put two planes together use like a metal welding yeah they
had to weld two regular planes together so that Jason could fit on the plane that's a
good few days he had to stay in the hotel at Southwest man amazing he'll be on the next
episode yeah they did that for him though that's customer service I want to hear yeah it is
sad he had to miss the first episode after the amazing live podcast it was a great time
Michael not Michael Cooper Michael Robinson was on it I'm the better Michael I'm the better
Michael yeah Michael's he doesn't know the Michael out there I'll kill you yeah there's
that's like the most common name so you're gonna have a big list I had three good friend
like three of my best friends in college are named Michael I went to Taco Bell one time
and I was first one in line and that's what my name was and I said Michael it's absolute
chaos so I gotta fight everybody pretty much yeah Michael Johnson Michael Jordan Michael
George yeah I could be Michael Jordan's ass now okay we'll cut that and yeah so Mike
headline the show did all right and now you fucking crushed and my whole family was surrounding
you like you matter yeah I was I only crushed that hard because I thought I was gonna get
adopted yeah he had the team on his back well I guess I wanted to get adopted guess what if
you get adopted by my dad I'm gonna doctor by Kelly Robinson oh man we're gonna switch
dad yeah well I still get the inheritance from my dad something that oh anyways back
to the live show everything went fantastic except for some sound some sound and video
stuff but that was all on purpose tech issues tech issues yeah but they'll be fixed for next
time it's all stuff we know how to fix for next time and I don't blame comedy bar they're
cool there was just an issue with one of the plugins we just we demand a lot you know we
need microphones we got yeah I mean they don't normally have a show like that and when they
have they don't know that they need to put this stuff louder because we packed the room
out and you know the room was packed man yeah I wish the intro was louder because I spent
a lot of time on that I think we might just use that same intro for next time yeah the
sound guy I'm not gonna throw one of the bus yeah sound guy was maybe okay we should probably
start this over without I mean that's that's fine it was it was just no I think just the
Johnny Johnny rock yeah I told Johnny rock the whole time it's all good you're ruining
it right now anyways folks come to the next show hopefully we can make this monthly let
us know Saharan Kyle if you're listening I got some new weapons folks so let's start
off with well you know the classics right so I got the Damascus knife I don't know where
Damascus yes or is it I would say Morocco Obama okay Morocco Obama from Morocco Obama
all right then we got the Katana Japan I'm a little country in the world hey and then
we got the new Chinese sword this one is sharp as fuck and with this one you go Harrow you
know and then we got an African sword it's not African I'm not well I thought I was
made in Brazil well yeah I mean but also this was made in China and Japanese sometimes I
mean sometimes all the same they don't have giant machete manufacturers in Africa import
them not American yeah hey I mean they were just used a lot because the Africans were
hard workers they would use these for the edges and yeah and jungles and shit yeah and
also we have an American sword which is a gun thank god so we're working our way there
I just need to get a scimitar I was thinking about getting the sickle and the hammer like
from the communist sign yeah yeah get a spear but you can only buy things to get a big spear
right now we're missing the banner but I can put a spear below the banner yeah the David
banner David David banner here's to capitalism you can buy whatever weapon you want yeah no
cap on capitalism which one do you want I'm assuming I haven't used it yet I just got
it today you can use the American sword or the Damascus sword the gun is the American
sword this don't bring up yeah don't don't tread on me that's what I would say the government
I say what the heck why are you treading on me I just say Austria on it this burn up you
know that this first mate that's where the it's guest on block is that reason for his
from now you just can't trust guns that are like made in China and stuff but I can be
defaultive defund yeah yeah like there's a lot of good guns made in Europe like think
about the European war powers you know I say the best gun is one you don't even have to
use click click click I was missed yeah but the the I mean like during World War two
was when a lot of the original models of these guns came out and and they're still used to
this day but that was when they had to make the best of the best yeah very competitive
that's well about capitalism can you believe they needed another world war is crazy to get
it right yeah yeah that's like that's like doing 912 like 911 yeah I just came up with
that I mean that's pretty good though 912 912 what's that what are we blowing up imagine
if you plan to do one 912 and then they did one and I'm pissed off but that'd be so with
the thing about the world war is like with movies a lot of time to see cool isn't as
good as the first one yeah and this one the second one was way better yeah and there's
a lot of good movies but think about it the third is never the best one except for Lord
of the Rings yeah they do need like a trilogy world war yeah I mean this next world war
won't be as fun it won't be as fun because it's just gonna be like a bunch of bombs
that's it yeah it's just gonna be a button I think I'm pretty sure it'll be the last
one yeah yeah everybody dies I mean I think we could all get along well I mean with every
trilogy there's just there's only three yeah so the third one has to be the last one damn
it and it makes sense it'll be cyber cyber warfare well I'm thinking I mean if it's if
it gets nuclear then it's mutually assured destruction that's why nobody fires nukes because
they know if I were a nuke it's done right back yeah and that's why nobody folks a bad
comedy podcast because that means only assured destruction for you if you get punished yeah
if hell breaks loose I just look around here I see 20 knives some of them are hanging their
battle axes with guns yeah that's a tactical is a tactical that's got a knife inside of
Tomahawk yeah oh that I actually used to throw a tomahawk when I was playing disc golf so
it's a little bit different you play this call but you're going to time I got my brother
could we have a native American and Indian sword mm-hmm I do want to work on a new character
I've been working on so it's based on the tomahawk it's Tony Tomahawk yeah nice that
sounds like a this sounds like a real cool dude he is pretty cool he's a native American
he kind of doesn't believe that I grew up playing Tony Hawk pro skater so it's just a
there's back up okay I can see him in the car this behind the scenes folks so the difficult
yeah no they a lot of times the people comment and ask for more behind the scenes stuff yeah
that's kind of what we try to do cool okay in front of you yeah do it I'm not gonna do
that's especially welcomed on the public episodes no but let's introduce you to Tony Tomahawk
white man can't jump me this shit big white man can jump white man can't jump with feet
can't with skateboard and then he says something like a name one trick in Tony Hawk pro skater
and I can't actually you can't say can't this one is always this one's good sorry but I
was really not interrupting no no I do love Tony Tomahawk and I want you to get back to
it Tony Tomahawk is over now so no and I was literally hurrying to plug my headphones back
in because I like Tony Tomahawk I'm not fucking with you yeah I know but it's all I am Tony
I am Tony Tomahawk I my son is jay buckie lasik that's amazing that's character development
sitting sitting Rodney Mullins I like yeah that was your favorite skateboarder yeah Rodney
Mullins I don't know he's still probably is I don't watch a new skateboarding Rodney
Mullins he was very he was very artistic or artistic with it sorry but he he was really
good at like ground and street skating he didn't do much of the vertical stuff okay but he
was really good at doing like super long manuals you know like Robin you know do you know manuals
are it's you know at them doing a manual on your board is when you just go up on one is
it when you read a manual while you just skateboard well that's part of it before you do your first
manual you should we need like a manual we need electric skateboards no but a manual is
when you are balancing just on one wheel and then and then riding for a while but he would
do that and then he would do like a kickflip and land back on like that and then he would
just do like insane shit and then just like flip and then just like be doing a headstand
on the board to kids really skateboard at your school grown up no some didn't I mean
they did a couple David nobody's good yeah I mean we just called them pussy yeah about
the culture yeah they go out there Robin and then when you and then when you mean pussy
you mean you help mess slurs but we don't say them the free episodes oh yeah yeah even
mind these are the free episodes oh we came for this one free episode yeah well we can
go hard we just don't want to say the slurs the slurpees you know yeah man can jump 360
360 what's your favorite level in Tony I'm only one do 900 the white man cannot do 900
Tony Tom Hawk is the fuck is Tony Tom only the white man can do 900 no but Tony Tom
Hawks I'm I like about him he was made in America and he was one the only people that
ever was that's true so when it comes to my when it comes to my Chinese sword at least
I like when that's made in China it is kind of which is not Taiwan I've been listening
to its one Taiwan it's wild yeah I've been listening to it 20 hour thing about basically
just Japan and mostly Japan in World War two you're crazy which is wild yeah they're crazy
people yeah they went fucking wild but a lot of that was like ordered like like it was
ordered for them to kill themselves grape to grape people grape like you know you know
what I don't want to say the word it sounds like it sounds like a word that's really bad
that you can do to a woman oh yeah I'm not gonna say it it's a free episode yeah yeah
grape yeah so they're like ordered to do the most like vile stuff to scare other people
like they were they're like an empire of fear wow and they would like cut a bunch of people's
heads off and all that and then yeah they were wild I mean it would kill themselves oh yeah
no suicide suicide for honors always has always been a self-canceling that's crazy that's always
been a big thing in Japanese culture since the samurai times yeah I've did this I did
it in business if you're in business you get a bad deal and your family's disappointed
you have to cut your belly open keep maintaining the purity of the family yeah that's I mean
that's why I always say Japan invest Japan this is not financial advice this is just
something that I've been thinking since I've been in investments in Japan what they do is
all the people that are dishonorable and suck they just they just cancel themselves so so
that the rest of the people that are left are all honorable hard workers for the Chicago
comedy scene to start doing I wish the comedy scene got a lot more honorable it does restore
man the amount of people I've seen dishonor themselves or commit who a hide or just quick
comedy yeah you could just do that yeah you could do that and we don't care anymore yeah
if you're gonna be in here we do get out get out I don't always do well on stage unless
I'm trying to do well yeah I do everyone I don't want to well I do try on paid shows
and I do well on paid shows yeah I don't think I've gone to pay Joe I'm on Mike's a lot yeah
but I bought Mike's like fully on purpose it's part of the process yeah thank you find
your limit fuck unless I have like a brand new joke which because I don't write for those
for you like I think about it my head and like this is fucking hilarious yeah you know
right remember like we've been hanging out these past few weeks I'll just like say some
return funny shit funny but you never put it down so yeah and then and then I just don't
write it down yeah I mean that's not gonna be good oh so you should be on the sketch
because this was this is like a half a half idea actually is mainly your idea but you
know the the street ball thing yes and then and then I kind of elaborate it on it and
it's like a and then like the it's like a it's just like those movies like they come
in it's a good honor roll students like it's like a bunch of like black poets on the honor
roll and then they teach them how to like sell crack yeah we would make that do a sketch
yeah where I'm the teacher and then you can be so are you gonna be you can be a wig like
a like a white person trying to be black I don't know if the algorithm oh that word
or not you can say in bigger yeah yeah yeah so you can be one of those in the class and
then we'll just get a few people that would do maybe a sketch yeah I've never been pretty
funny that'll be cool yeah yeah all right so here's a Venn diagram so you have the gangster
disciples and the black disciples you're gonna want to know these in Chicago folks looks like
the lesson and say we're doing science here's how to cook this is science and actually no
we do science class it's how to cook crack and then culinary class
math math is how to count we look at like how few kids make it to the league and it's
time to kind of figure something else out yeah it's like if we go here and look at the statistics
of the NFL it's a maybe point point there's a point oh oh one percent chance that you're
gonna make it to the league and I know that you say a lot I'm finna go to the league but
you might not be it's not gonna happen so what are we just gonna show the straight and
narrow start start selling crack yeah and today we're gonna learn the difference between
catching or getting caught slipping and getting caught lacking like yeah right getting called
black and black shouldn't be a problem for you guys except for you white guy I'll point
to you yeah getting called black and is putting on my beef face catcher in the white catcher
in the white good book great book I should I wish I did this one show that I'm gonna
do called whites only where it's all black people it's all black comics wearing white
face yeah and then I'll do it yeah hell yeah it's like tropic thunder but then I hosted
an hour white an hour black face yeah yeah but but there's somebody how do we get you
out of the venue get mad well I'm sorry bring all the knives well I'll bring my my B's and
GD's you could just be you're playing a guy who does blackface it's like Robert down there
yeah yeah I'm playing which not the way underrated yeah for sure man fucking yeah great role that
was a great role I mean that was just that was just funny yeah it was making fun of method
actors who's making fun of blackface yeah I love it it wasn't promoting blackface if
anybody if anybody thinks that anybody's a fellow if anybody's offended stab you if anybody's
offended by that they should maybe think about canceling themselves like we're just thinking
about Halloween yeah yeah okay last year for Christmas Mac played Alex dragon Grinch needed
green face with a little branch is a good one yeah that is Alex Dragovich with dragon
Vincere dragon green the Grinch wow that is pretty tight and so he had green face pain
for the most part yeah some black whiskers I did I did I said well I already automatically
have some beef face on me because I have this mole right here and Obama and Andre 3000
had the same mole in the same place that means you're fucking important that means I'm important
that means I'm a good singer that means I'm a leader and also but it sucks because I have
white skin so it contrasts yeah it stands out more with them they already have brown
skin so you can barely even notice yeah no yours is more gray face this is kind of like
when black people get tattoos you can't see them that well yeah you can't cut over so
you can kind of get whatever you want if I look to some of these football players on
the NFL team they could really just have swastika's tattooed everywhere and I wouldn't know yeah
wow but right yeah I mean you know if we're watching from kind of far away yeah I'll be
like oh shit this is a Nazi we didn't even know it yeah like Kanye's album my beautiful
dark twisted fantasy the cover is like the pixels on it and you just wonder technically
how many swastika's could you find in that pixelated square if I was on my show I probably
find all of them yeah I just had a brain blast so Jason's next album my my beautiful twisted
black a beautiful black queen yeah because he loves talking about his beautiful black
queen he loves his beautiful black queen he better because I will come for him if he doesn't
know yeah or defend your people or will steal her we love Nora yeah my name's a new that's
Italian name is it not yeah I think it's I think her name is a little her real name
is a little longer but I'm not gonna dox try it okay yeah I'm also manly said I want to
try it yeah it's it's something African I believe sounds very difficult yeah Michael Robinson
is a pretty African name it's not what's your middle name it's Edward right let's try it
in a jugona yeah yeah pretty good Dylan you got anything here I'm pretty good on that
so folks if you don't know Mike's middle name it's and G and J you and no it's a UGG U
and J G you just think about that's a risk yeah you're gonna do something I told him
he should get brought up is Mike Michael and word Robinson that'd be funny and probably
it'd be a probably a white house but then they'll probably say Michael the full thing yeah
Michael and word I think you can say you can say like the soft a Michael
nigga yeah yeah oh yeah the problem the problem is even if you do the soft a it's followed
by our so you're gonna fuck either way what if it was like Michael and word Robinson
and then the actual and word at the very end that would that would be a core names yeah
I'm Michael and word Robinson yeah yeah or was I doing the other day was I doing the
other day that instead of saying the n-word I was I was I was rapping a song I was like
I was like fuck these I was wondering if I started saying ninja online and using the
ninja emoji like what I get in trouble for that no I think they created that I use I
use a neighbor yeah these neighbor cuz it's close never I use an ajar James and a jar
yeah all these new it's honestly a racist name can you can't show your for his last
name I can't he has a joke where he's saying like I'm so glad I didn't kill myself you
guys and just crickets no one's yes and it's like cool man a suicide joke that's not funny
just trying to get sympathy that's pretty suicide jokes suicide jokes can be funny but
if you're just doing it for sympathy not funny I got a suicide joke what was it I've tried
to kill myself million times I tried to kill myself I tried to hang myself I'm watching
12 years a slave and then I didn't do it because I saw when they were hanging out the black
people and I was like oh I don't want to do it I was like not me you don't want to get
whiz revazi back when I was a different person in college with the whiz I keep bringing that
movie up all the time why do you like the way it is just because to me it's just like
funny to have like a just a black version of a white movie we didn't do more of that
yeah I mean that is one good part of our culture that you guys took yeah but recently
you guys have been going downhill with the with the black stuff yeah no you guys have
been yeah you guys have been taking fucking skinny jeans and fucking yeah we gotta give
that back to you give that give it back to us because it's terrible I was wondering if
the laugh factory was taking a shot at me the other day they posted a clip that was saying
like you can't be a thug if you wear skinny jeans how are you gonna run away from the
cops and stuff and he doesn't act out I'm just thinking like I've been hanging out there
a little bit and you know how I did they weren't Dylan I can promise you they weren't and you
know more than you talk about jeans though hmm you're not the only person who talks
about jeans yeah but you know if they were talking shit I mean we can confront them
Dylan you should do you should do you should do stuff you should do stuff during the day
instead of just laying there and let's let things circulate through your head what do
you do and kind of look at a lot of reels and all the club I try my best not to yeah
I don't I don't consume social media I just make it hmm you know what I do want your
lot dog videos dog videos like black people who own dogs you should check out our new
reel I post all the all dogs go to hell or something oh yeah I saw that yeah you didn't
like it I liked it I did I did sorry I want you to get to get to notifications to share
them yeah sorry no I apologize for thinking you didn't like it yeah I didn't like it but
what I hate is when people like it in real life and don't like it on Instagram it makes
me want to use this Chinese sword and do something bad yeah well this I can do a lot of things
with with this I could just I mean I think this is just slice somebody open you know
but the problem with this versus like the you could stab somebody like that lady got
stabbed in reptile yeah you can get stabbed with this I didn't I didn't get that far I've
tried to watch it six times at night you have I yeah I know I know I got no I get 20 minutes
in I fall asleep it's kind of cute like a warm milk and twinkle twinkle little star
and it's like a quarter Xanax and I'm zonked yeah but I think this is a very good like
a head shopper offer or something yeah it looks kind of like a cleaver don't don't put
it over looks kind of like a cleaver it looks kind of like a if I was gonna cut off his
head I would do it with his home born weapon I would I would honor him with his own I would
appreciate it I mean yeah if I were to cut your head off the one of the other which would
you prefer me to the machete yeah it'd be clean I'd rather have my head clean cut I'm
American so I'd other have my head cut off with a gun yeah I'm so this video for hippo
and people were saying they could just bite right through you it's yeah powerful bite
yeah that I think they're I think they were named the most dangerous animal in Africa yeah
because they don't look like animals I mean they do look like they don't look dangerous
but they're pretty fast yeah they look like you do it yeah I like fucking when I was on
Safari and Rwanda I may have told you this but we were on a hot air balloon like Safari
thing like at 5 a.m. and we saw this hippo just like sprinting around fields by itself
and then just like ran through some crops like fast like destroying all the crops and
like a small village are all the food they had you guys should probably play I played
Assassin's Creed I'll play video games wow I'm too busy making reels yeah well that's
good because I keep it real yeah you keep you keep it real you keep reels both I say
I actually don't save them after I post them so I delete them so I just keep it real nice
so yeah but hippos are crazy man hippos be wild and it was me fans to be to be as fast
as they are dude what would you be like what would you what do you think you would say
if a hippo started chasing you I can't do this I was thinking you would say I can't
do this I think I'd say fuck hey I don't think I don't think you chase my buddy Rendell
that you met when we were younger because me and have been friends for a long long time
we were on a catamaran do you know what that is white people can afford to go on or it's
not that expensive thing it's a sailboat with the two pontoons it's actually one pontoon
it's actually it's actually it's actually less expensive than a standard sailboat because
the sailboat has a little cabin and everything this is just like a trampoline thing in the
middle with two pontoons so it's like the blob no they're not really pontoons they're
just like they're hard like it's just like boat material and so they go really fast
they weigh faster than a standard sailboat and then my family took him out on one during
it was a super windy day and he's already like kind of scared of water he's black because
he just doesn't like water the first one yeah what do you think I thought that was implied
I think they're just amazing and drown out we're so muscular dense yeah well you saw
Rindell that guy would sink to the bottom in two seconds yeah he threw up at the bar
well to be fair to him like he was fed a million shots are dangerous it was his birthday though
I heard he couldn't say it was his birthday and it was going away party when I was proven
to be a BD but in my I'm just gonna see the area I'm not a BD no he said I was I'm just
a consigliary yeah that was part of the video about your dad that we liked or about you
but that we were trying to get your dad to watch now Jason said like what are we not
black disciples because we're white the problem is Kelly's not a white disciple well not yet
he's the other one he's a GD so he's on the other side he's on the other side but there
are not on the complete other side there are there are like some you can you can dance yeah
yeah you can be friends yeah I mean in general like you're not gonna you're not gonna get
like killed by the head of BD for being friends with some GD's because a lot of them live
in the same neighborhoods they just cuz there's so many different renegade gangs of each of
those true like like the Evanston people the BD's and the GD's would hang out a decent
amount so some didn't like fuck around but yeah but like you you said I mean there's
only two BD's there because the rest are dead yeah I mean it's tails they say yeah
tails tails never fails unless it's a breathalyzer and I told you yeah I told you about my buddy
Keem his day I got shot he oh yeah he guys yeah he told me that my buddy Keem hopefully
he's not listening actually I mean this was just in the news anyway it was in the news
a while back anyway but he's Jamaican his dad because we were watching a bunch of you
were watching Jamaican movies we were watching Jamaican movies and cocktail we're like wagua
me better and stuff like that body boys body boys we were we were being body boys yeah
no you were being you're a body boy it's kind of time for me to take over the podcast
yeah I know listen can you pour me down oh yeah so not too much no but you like you'll
find the story kind of wild nice sauce so it's just kind of feels disrespectful not to
be at least half full yeah you're really you're really good you're really taking over the
podcast so let me tell you the story that you let the dogs in today we have Josie we
are Josie Josie wants to come in Josie is not like Cooper Cooper's like I've been Josie
come Josie come in come in here come on Josie is not a free house care for all Josie in
your frame Josie is not a commie come here can you can we see her if Josie goes over
there go over there Josie Josie come here yeah try to bring Josie's face up if you
can Josie turns around but anyways I still love Cooper so the story my buddy Keem his
dad you don't know how he died Dylan how so there are cops in his house there to arrest
him like three cops and and then he ran at them with a machete and then they shot him
dead oh like yeah god damn I mean that's morbid but it sounds like my Twitter now is 911
and just there's a thing morbid morbid videos that pops hey Josie you said morbid a lot
yeah it's just like it's because it's on my Twitter now known as X it's just Josie over
here morbid facts or stories or something and it's like why is that my algorithm yeah
it's all it's like yeah this is it or there's another one that pops up now and it says moments
before disaster or something it's like someone like they're fighting in a train and then like
I like those I do like I do like a good fight like a train fight video over a lighter give
me my lighter back and as we had Josie back in the frame before watching on video for
watching on audio I'm sorry but this is live you should be watching video now it's not live
okay you just gonna edit it actually shit no I don't edit shit some of our super fans
might know Josie from Mac had a little bit of dog content yeah and ask Josie questions
like she's an eight ball or something yeah well I was asking Josie what she thought about
healthcare I was like do you think that people should get free healthcare and then Josie
roll her eyes and I was like people Josie people need that you know she doesn't care
well wait Josie now I have to move up you gotta get out of the way I'm sorry Josie go
hang out with Dylan so Josie is kind of when we don't know the answer Josie to split the
difference Josie wants to go back out there and hang out with him Josie you want to do
you want to leave yeah that looks like you want to leave Josie Josie Josie hates his
podcast more than hand talent oh Josie likes this apartment though and we're trying to
get in here and it was a Mac hacked his way into his own home yeah so basically the I
think because I wouldn't give away too much what no I guess the lock up in the inside
so it doesn't matter you don't want to hack a Brian no if it's fully it's fully dead bolted
and you can't do that yeah so it's so cold that you know how I can like it automatically
does it when I type in the button normally obviously the deadbolt slides it was so cold
it wouldn't slide all the way so it only slides so like partially so what I did is I got a
credit card out I was like I got this and then I jimmy the door and I was able to get
the deadbolt right to the right amount just that extra little cushion and it was impressive
yeah I know I know how to do everything yeah it's it I know how to do everything except
for talk to women yeah well if you tell them yeah they're not really impressed by getting
into your own house yeah I just gotta show more women my home improvement skills yeah
yeah you gotta bring them over like I'm how you paint yeah I'll show my back home improvement
self-improvement and I said exercise I'll bring tiny over she was like you handy huh yeah
yeah hands she told me I was handy when I accidentally sent her my location at Home Depot
hmm oh wow oh you handy huh yeah and I said and I said what up he oops yeah it was because
he sent her from the Harley Davidson location fuck I did it again no me and me and Drake
we're talking about we're talking about tiny and I think maybe Siri picked up tiny and then
Drake Drake the rapper Drake the rapper yeah I mean rapper was about tiny thick yeah yeah
probably Drake the comedian Drake Drake the Verna I used to work with Drake all we have
to do is get Drake if that counts is worth working for big old Leah once you guys get
swole tiny's gonna say boy you dick as hell yeah then we'll be on late late nasty show
every week dude while the weather is this cold we actually need to start work I've been
working out I don't know if you know this I don't believe you guys doing is 10s that's
why I sleep so much pictures or yeah okay pictures or it didn't happen that's what I
say for all of history pictures or it didn't happen so Mac takes a lot pictures at the
gym just to make sure I think avocado avocado yeah he takes a picture of him being one curl
with like a five pound weight and a video which is very yeah and then and then eating
a bag he should do what he should do is like that neck and that did neck exercises that
did happen he should put on a their neck exercises that he could do have not the tensions yeah
it's cold putting on a scarf yeah yeah no but whereas you can wear like a hat like a
weighted helmet and do stuff like this yeah yeah I think that you chew on to strengthen
that which kind of oh yeah no I've seen people get bigger jaws because they're doing this
weird chewy it makes it more defined but you can't like be that fail make a difference
I feel like you need to you need to get rid of that fat like you can't have like good
use that knife you can't have a giant like big chin like that like I know you have a
tiny double chin which is nothing yeah but it's definitely showed when we did the hack
O video and Mac decided to put the camera down here would look a little better if it
was up now no no no but he's the reason I put it down there is because he's talking
down to him but that literally that's what you want to do so I work down you're talking
to the cinematographer here we all gonna work out well you already work out we're gonna
do the the chewing thing where you get bigger right here yeah I need a I need a thicker
neck yeah there there are workouts for a thick nice Jason look I love to give you some of
his thick neck workouts we can cut it off with that with this machete or that Chinese knife
yeah I'm trying to remember who well I think Jason has a whole he's trying to get another
pound there are a hundred pounds of fat I think you said on New Year's huh that was
his New Year's resolution is to gain a hundred pounds see I can't even do that I guess I
could let's go that's cuz you like you're good that's my chest yeah push ups man can
you play like this and really like this aliphone under ribs because there's being strong for
your weight is I don't know if you guys can hear that what I was clicking on that's your
language cooked on ebonics we were at the we were at the mic and someone had some joke
about how like like a whole family died like a bunch of coconuts that was that that Mike
had this motherfucker looks at me yeah they're talking your life I was like you gotta incorporate
that in your in your bit I can't steal jokes no I was saying that he should do it I know
that you wouldn't I'm tagging the tarot though I have if I had all my tags up it would be
probably 50 million tags yeah you have a lot of tags and you're not shy about offering
them and now either or my I feel like I isolate myself I'll tell the town's he's pissed he's
like no I see my prince jokes okay cool dude is that what he says cool Freddie Prince Ed
Towns Freddie Prince Junior Ed Towns all right I think a tag and I'm I feel like people don't
like if I don't know him and I'm just like kind of no matter how I cushion it I just
think no one is gonna like getting a I told the town I like if someone tells me that I
just think we're all comics here yeah and I don't open my especially but if it's someone
prepared material and then actually I would still take a tag just like if someone that
means that means that means that they were listening intently at your joke first of all
yeah second of all you don't got to use it you just say cool thanks can I give her a
random or if it's a friend of yours you can say no that sucks I want to shout out a very
beautiful black woman her name is Jackie but she goes by blackie I look like I love you
what's your Instagram yeah and blackie loves you what's blackie I hope she does because
I'm gonna stalk her on Instagram straight flexing you can look at the mighty I'm so I key with
no a is that I don't even follow her is Trinidad James even from Trinidad that's my question
and my friends are Trinidad James I just ask that let's see what pet bulldogs guy going
on yeah yeah super six yeah nice gonna be doing 30 he's gonna be like I drink on the
train yeah I love that I drink on the train I drink on a train I lived on the train yes
no drinking on the train you ever lived on a train that's his whole set he says I drink
on the train you know I usually you can drink on the train they say on the they say on the
metro you can drink on the train but I drink on the hell cuz you can drink on the train
yeah I love that you know they say you can't no they say you can't we got a ham talent
clip let's let's let's uh patch that and they do they do cocaine and they do crack on the
train now see I think if someone's smoking weed I just think good what are you doing
okay that's our that's our old enemy and friend again ham talent everyone I don't
know if we address it our friends anymore we're friends with him tell them yeah like
Mac you got himself all he said was I'm not gonna be annoying so I got to go with Jason
to hang out with Sam talent and Alex Luchin and Nathan Law and Nathan Law and our favorite
guy yes and so it's kind of too cool Sam talents and then Sam talent himself yeah because we
call it we call Alex Luchin the funny and cool version of Sam and then so I yeah Dylan
is saying that Luchin came there to one up Sam talent you know you have more followers
than me and this is pissing me off on both does he have 600 more posts on both or is
on this on that one yeah how many followers do you have I don't know I don't look at it
I stopped caring about followers on this you did I care more about the podcast followers
because I'm posting much on mine now okay now I'm still beating you yeah well don't
you are yeah well do you 100 wow just about yeah I mean yours is all I bought yeah I'm
not saying you bought them I was just people that just what I would I do is I delete followers
it'll click boss help me engage that's not how it's supposed to work mm-hmm it was fake
people I delete them oh that's cool instead of taking the extra follow yeah because if
they're not going to engage on it then your percentage of engagement yeah no they don't
they don't at all it like when you get those random ones those are just accounts that follow
hashtags I do love when they when I wouldn't most of my random ones are like hot chicks
that I don't know yeah I said yeah you get a lot do you get those two and it's one's
like just I need a boyfriend yeah and it's like they're just showing ass yeah you ever
start to penis Michael seven times oh yeah is that true so you figure it out look at this
I don't know it's insane it still keeps going the luchin 173,000 views on Instagram which
is almost 95 hundred likes and shares 1300 saves so sometimes there's a combination that
works we lay out right away this is the impression we want and it was it that was one cut right
like you didn't even chop out anything from that 30 seconds I feel like I was just once
I did I cut out some small thing I said okay when it got from him to him yeah it was just
funny but with him with him with his with his impression it was I think it was one cut
yeah because he didn't more than one I think why did he quit stand up I think he just thought
it was apparently he was a really good stand up to learn into Jason he was talking about
like he used to make like enough money to pay rent and they just from comedy which is
if you're listening you're not a comic that means you're really good at comedy because
it's good you don't make a lot of money doing stand up at all if you can make whatever whatever
it is if you make a thousand dollars a month doing comedy you're doing well yeah I make
twenty five dollars a week yeah no you make about forty but then you two shows it's hard
as Chicago because they cancer I was supposed to do a show yesterday to cancel I bet I bet
with the negative there's canceling every sloppy Sunday and Lincoln they would have paid you
five no they used to drink to get to that yeah probably if you're grinding and you get a
show even every night a lot of them are these little ones where it's like what it's way
more about you really big ones and no I put time in well you should I think you should
do every show that you get booked on yeah but but if I just like a minute but if they
end up yeah that's bad that's bad I suffocate on last year but I was also going to yeah
it seems it seems like you're reliable I wasn't just a sustainable I'm reliable you're in
jail when you're gonna call the way I'm gonna jail I eat a way I eat commissary every day
dude I was in push-ups in jail dude he doesn't even do push-ups yeah I was I was wrapping
in jail I don't even wrap so he's had a whole experience I want to go to I want to go to
jail because all I eat anyways is uncrustables and it hosts his cupcakes I eat commissary
food which they they do give you crustables uncrustables who they give you one he can't
hear a knife you can eat like five I got a knife out of an uncrustable wait what in
jail he made a knife bar so and I thought I threatened the guard well what I it was
a material well it was no no they thought I they thought I cut it they thought I cut
the the guards neck yeah but it was just a strawberry uncrustable so it was it looks
like blood yeah get out of here kind of yeah you almost again like you again I can do anything
I can make anything you do a knife I can make Matt Reiffin do a knife yeah I can make this
sword into a knife do it's already a knife okay this is a small this is a big no no
this is a big knife no this is a battle sword this is what you put in here okay yeah but
it's not it's not the main one you run out with you want to cut that but in I'm guessing
in ancient Chinese warfare they would have this in here in there you think it's on the
other belt they would have another belt it is smaller it's not but you're thinking about
like the medieval white people swords that's what I'm thinking about yeah that's a sword
so dagger this is a well not a dagger Katana's the Katana's that the samurai would use would
be bigger than this yeah this this is like a pocket knife no I got your pocket knife
came from T move by the way oh did I have a pocket fucking I gotta protect myself in
East streets oh you know what why you're still on here can you can you walk out on the table
it's a little like wood oh yeah he got you it's out there it's on the table you'll see
it yeah yeah this is this is the greatest thing I would know yeah I'll be back because I don't
want Mike to go to jail so I want him to have a knife that first of all first of all you
can that he can legally carry and second of all that he can hold in his hand with that
yeah that's what I told you we want to make sure that you could lift it up yeah I want
to make sure that you're a what come in come in show it to the people no but this is kind
of a yes he is open it up you just pull it open she was well it's better than she's a
butter knife is better than the other thing about her butter knife alright in my hands
guys check this check the unveiling of the show the show to this camera right behind
you well it's that is kind of a custom bodies dick off so if the handle is longer than the
blade yeah rovon rovon carries a smaller one than that and that one is sharp so and it's
legal that because that's this is like two inches yeah I mean this is like this is like
seven inches long let's see this has my penis you'll cancel a lot of people it is a replica
that's why it's it's custom no but no but you could do it think about think about the
neck well I'm gonna I'm gonna just shank somebody max shanker somebody you're gonna not
go one of their teeth and make them not and make them not get a job could slice eat be
the throat go that's what you say about Jesus that's what I used to say about Max thank you
for the knife yeah no problem I really appreciate it like Max shanker at one point he didn't
he didn't have a tooth and he had a job and then and then he had a tooth and didn't have
a job I'm like pick it are you gonna be a job comic or a tooth comic you get a knife you
can shake whoever you want as yeah that's what that's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna protect
the gang you guys are the gang well the Max shanker I'm the Max shanker now yeah yeah
who's a real Max shanker well I'm the Max shanker Max shanker would sound a lot better
just to be fair you're Max shanker but Max means the most so yeah Max I would say you
could be maximum shanker that's fine I mean I'm the bad boy comedy yeah so yeah there's
during our show Mack had me come out to being called the idiot savant he had Jason come
out to being called the big fat guy yeah and then he had himself come out to being called
the bad boy of comedy which is yeah it's not cool I run the media so sorry I run the media
so he's calling himself bad at comedy and little boy yeah yeah I mean that's why I did
it I wanted to self deprecate myself not to look cool exactly self deprecate a defecate
no that could happen to me with friends too I was not a self deprecating we hope it doesn't
get to that point but you know it's possible and that's kind of if it happens it happens
sometimes I do shit yourself sometimes I do self neprocating jokes oh nice nepra yeah
it's because we don't have to sign turned on but we have the humble hustle sign we do
which is important about comedy you have to stay a little humble and you have to hustle
yeah you do you can also goddamn right you do but you gotta try both man you gotta hustle
guys but honestly you can see you can take out the humble part you don't have this bump
like I'm not well you well you didn't come out for it no I'm saying you and Michael didn't
fist bump oh I'll give you I mean you didn't mean him didn't okay well one of you one of
you guys didn't come out for the fist I'll do it oh wait no let's all do it together
we should do a knife bump now we should go Harambe Harambe we should each do it in our
in our in our tongues of what we say you would say like a chief type of thing and I would
say a Chinese thing and you would say Harambe Harambe so white man Harambe that was amazing
I'm so scared that this is gonna get canceled so I can kind of hear trains coming stuff
sort of Native American this is the free episode to be worried about we really have to cut
out that part when you just yeah come back we'll circle back I'll talk about other stuff
that now big a time that justifies that let's talk about gender let's talk about let's talk
about gender my mom my mr. gender what is it well let's just drop it out yeah well you
guys know this it doesn't matter yeah you guys know this that my mom became my dad my dad
became my mom oh my god and whenever someone calls whenever someone calls my mom or whatever
someone calls my dad my mom I'm like or whatever someone calls my mom my dad I say I say really
dad that's my father's name whatever way that works the end of it is that's my father's
name yeah yeah it's very funny comedy is dead comedy is how many is not dead it's alive
still pretty sure comedy is dead for the next week it's the hour for the week yeah yeah
we do call to do comedy it sounded like you're making like some kind of like big statement
no no I'm just being dumb he's bitter he's cold because they cancel the show last night
yeah I'm sick of it's a cold world well it's negative degrees all the shows are gonna be
cancelled that's a jaco world yeah at least it didn't sound at least like there wasn't way
too much of a snowstorm like a but maybe man I know there was big snowstorm I know there's
a lot of snow but like the worst is when there's a bunch of shit let us know still on the ground
and it freezes over it seemed like it had a little bit of time to melt before it froze
over you know son yeah I mean I saw I saw they were walking their dogs dogs in case you're
listening from across the world this is Chicago yeah who let the dogs out yeah I mean the neighbor
yeah I was the dog yeah you know what that could also be a Viking of a bike maybe a Viking
a Viking war axe yeah fan of that's actually closer to a Viking war axe I think school you
know what berserkers would wear you know that's a definitely goddamn do you know max been listening
to a little too much hardcore history no flick this on us his knowledge about no but well
to be I have to be fair I only just started listening to hardcore history and the only
ones I've listened to are ones about I listened to one about Kings they're all like 20 hours
long because it's like five episodes four hours King's the weirdest fuck yeah but it's
the one time about different Kings and then the second one is just talking about Japan
in World War two and it's like 20 hours long but it's really good what's the weirdest thing
you heard about well the Kings I don't know there's a lot of Queens really because they
probably yeah they're bitches hey careful guys okay now I was talking about our friends
over the algorithm so chess um fuck what was I oh I was gonna say oh the Vikings berserkers
so in the front lines of the Viking armies they would have these guys that they were
known as berserkers they would normally get their most wild guys like oh and just run
in they're like yeah well they would take shrooms but they're nice they would take they would
take shrooms but what they would do is they would like channel it into a crazy frenzy
on purpose I took sure so they would use it the opposite way of that that people normally
want to use it you get them ramped up and and then build themselves into it was known
as a berserker frenzy so the word berserk that's where that comes from that's where
they should just let us and then they wouldn't wear any armor they were just running them
motherfucker and just start like slicing away at people people would slice them and like
get more out of a guy yeah her body so it's wild I mean they would be there would be marching
with them but then the berserkers we was first to sprint in you know because they didn't
care if they died I mean most of them care if they died but these guys were the bad to
me being berserkers yeah running in with this night like berserkers exactly though you would
do more damage than you think right now like it takes oh yeah like just like yeah it's like
the speed attack like you're gonna get somebody with that and fuck them up I would be a berserker
I can I'll be tripping balls dude like oh my god and then when you see the blood no
no no the thing is the thing is they drunk as a drunk alcoholic autistic or autistic
I have a reason to love trains now I love you can drink on them and you can sleep on them
but what I wanted to say about when you go hand in hand when you see I like how you said
I like how you said I like how you said with the berserkers what about when you see the
blood what do you mean what about when you're killing all these guys isn't that worse so
it's kind of Shakespeare said there's no right and wrong no but they would they would use
the shrooms they would convince themselves to be fucking to be crazy instead of like
mild chill thinking about yeah I mean I would be in because you can use drugs for different
ways you know I was like that like I don't forget my real life he was my ketamine therapy
babysitter oh yeah I had to I barely watched you because I smoked weed and I was well I
think that weed was laced I didn't I didn't need to be watched and also you seemed really
high dude I was you seem to hire you seem to hire the guy who came out of my ketamine
yeah I think I think it was laced and this is legal ketamine we're talking about folks
I got it from I got it from both the ketamine is legal toothly toodle a friend of ours was
telling a story about a friend of his friends that they took shrooms they're out in the
forest and then they found this leprechaun was fucking with them so they put in their
trailer he was a friend of one of John Hickok's well yeah so I was masking his identity but
nobody knew what he was it was not him no and then but I guess like it turns out they
found the leprechaun later and it was just a disabled child that had been missing for
days and they thought they made it up and they're like and then they actually saved
a child because they took drugs so I don't know if that's an argument for drugs I mean
or it's a disabled yeah I think it's an argument for drugs that are yeah I'm with it because
I mean I did mushrooms couple days ago and it was well I had nurse drunk people we're
only talking about like legal stuff on here so you ate some shiitake mushrooms or portobello
portobello mushrooms and yeah it was you know when you see people who are drunk you realize
that oh they're probably on mushrooms too but they're not they're just drunk yeah you know
drunk people suck when you're not drunk man it isn't how much they suck yeah I can't imagine
someone just watching me being black that was just watching a whole open Mike sober oh can't
do that I know that is a thing for 30 comics yeah and he's every 30 years too I can't do
this he's just looking at the yeah that's what I would say if I was gonna say I can't
do this I can't do that Dylan do your best I can't do this I can't do this that's pretty
good you have one more I think it's gotta be a little bit louder a little bit but you have
to do something stupid well I'll do mine and then we'll grab back to you for one more I
can't do this I can't do this yeah I'm a big fan of Frozone from the Incredibles I fucking
love for a big fan of my super suit yeah super suit yeah super suit let's end this cuz I
know that Bobby buzz is not gonna follow my directions to go is Bobby but coming over
to do a podcast yeah my god I love Bobby yeah you should just be on that one too he's my
best he's my best guy yeah folks Michael Robinson do you have any plugs this will drop tomorrow
oh I am doing a show on the fifth on the 19th Loki lit with Laro the comedian 19th at Second
City January of January are you gonna do improv no I'm just gonna be a black oh yeah that's
that that's a picture they take where they all after the show like wrap look for their arms
around each other and all black I see picture yeah it's mostly a black show yeah well so
well no not really Aaron Aaron City Bank is a part of it right there's no he's not Aaron
Chase no he's just doing his own thing like he dropped out of it I don't think I don't know
what he's doing they probably fired him I like Bobby fired him I like that clip of Chris
Tranny talking about how he has funny on it I just that clip I saw at least like he was
doing he's funny every time someone does his pod he like I'll see I'll see photograph I've
seen I'm not gonna tell that story here well we can do it on the other one yeah Chris Tranny
is a guy if you want a funny guy if you want a wild story about Chicago comedian Chris Tranny
just yeah just a heads up that's his ass you got shot in the face you did by paintball oh it was
on a news yeah well the fucking news there's way more to the story that we'll say on the
patreon okay that's a real teaser yeah but there's also another real cliffhanger there's
also a story we're gonna have several we're gonna start off with several Chris Tranny jokes
I just want to make sure the algorithm doesn't think we're that's how you can pronounce it
either way but that's his last name okay that is his real name so the 19th second city right
19th that's it so that is in three days that's in three days that's on Friday or Saturday
that is on a god damn it I don't know man is on Friday or Saturday look at Michael's fucking
Instagram yeah I put it all up there another person yeah follow at Mike DeComic and if I
bomb I'm gonna be Mike the insurance guy yeah yeah yeah they become Mike the insurance guy
if you just say I'm sorry I start fucking insurance yeah I was actually known as the
insurance whisperer because I told people to come a lot that's Friday folks and I team Friday
Friday 19 come out have a good time and don't confuse a Friday the 13th don't yeah yeah you
could find me at comedy baddie yeah very funny guy but especially Instagram yeah a big things
coming out so I'll be in the my buddies finals again for take a shot yeah I'll be there yeah
you should look at the camera tell tell tell your friends tell your friends on the can find me
on Instagram at comedy baddie you can find me at all the clubs and everything throughout the
Midwest and yeah you can check out our patreon wait can you take back juicy stuff you take back
the whole clubs that were all around the West thing that's the thing I say okay well you take
that back I won't be the clubs so I'm what the Chris Tranny calls an open miker no you're not
a miker you're your comedian I have been a professional comedian technically for a year
and a half which means I haven't been to outside of that so it's kind of living the dream I mean
once you're paid to do comedy you're a professional comedian like 41 by death yeah that makes a
week a month a month no but by definition if you get paid to do something regularly your
professional so we're all professional comedians here we're not rich comedians no yeah yeah but
we do for the love of the game and we grind hell yeah because we humble hustlers yeah I'm just a
hustler and I'm rich yeah yeah he's rich I guess I don't know how rich but we could really still
use the extra I just have yeah I could take the extra money I just have a $360 condo all right
$360 I think I'm gonna start selling drugs $360,000 condo you guys want to start selling drugs with me
I got that I mean I already pay wall do you have anything else so you'd be a fifth city and then
20 the 25th I'll be at Lincoln Lodge for my best friend is black okay well no cares about that
yeah the black one the one that's all black no I say cuz it's a Lincoln Lodge dude Jesus
the M-Racist what the heck Lincoln a blinking a blinking man yeah if you go back in the
history a blinking was if he was a racist but he's like okay fine they say he was half black
well I said he was a dumb also the dumb in the bedroom who's he had no he didn't want to control
people they say he's got home they say he's half black and then he did the black is real and
they say the reverse yeah the break yeah they also say that George Washington the regular George
Washington was black yeah they say George Washington Carver was white which kind of blows my mind
this is crazy they say George W Bush was black they said George Washington Carver was the was
a white man who invented the peanut he was yeah if you think about it and they said it was white
slaves the whole time why do you think black people don't like peanuts exactly yeah but there are
no black characters like people don't like penis which is ironic like men don't like penis unless
they're body boys like Mike big body boys of it big Baha boys alright folks hey I'll do my plugs
real quick follow me a bad boy comedy on every platform in the nation whatever it is grinder
you know do it follow him you know don't follow him closely I'll kill you with my little thank you
dude yeah he keeps his metal clothes yeah that's how we ride in Chicago catch me at cities all
across the Midwest and clubs across the nation in every city catch the Midwest all across the
nation you know Sam yes that's the country all across the city of Chicago and Dylan thanks
for coming on the show today thanks for having me yeah and Mike thank you for coming on the show
today I like that American sword you have so am I use I forgot to check if it was loaded
oh god my fucking face all right well loaded so hey folks it's not we love you we'll be back
with you with the white fat version of Michael Robinson Bob Bobby Euler no he meant Jason
yeah I don't next normal episode Jason is not black he thinks you know it's all about black
culture he knows way less than I do it's called urban culture I mean I'm black I told you I put
on whiteface every day so that I'd be treated okay and you know but I can I'm really athletic
you know you know it's like the invisible man and I'm fine funny I'm able to heat people real
good yeah like yo what you're what you're a bitch ass white sock black socks try to hide your feet
and even dark out with your slim straight jeans more like Apple bottom jeans in there black socks
oh yeah black socks what you doing black foot well Jesus Christ you know Danny Zuko looking
as yes yeah you're real jerk scary is all right all right folks hey well we love you it'll catch
you when the what you know what kind of you know eventually when when Dale's with Dale's tummy
eclipses me on stage of my whole family can't see me the moon hits the pie the moon hits the pie
the moon hits the pie folks all right we love it's a good one