Hey everybody, welcome to bad comedy podcast. This is the deadpan episode. The deadpan episode
with me, Mac and my good friend Dylan. Yeah, we're just going to use our real names today.
We don't got a front today. Yeah. I mean, Jason always likes making these wacky names.
I always said we should be straight up. Yeah, it feels dishonest. Yeah. I mean, you know
me. I like to like to be straight up when me and you talk. It's like I don't like to
like mess around and make make the do bits all the time. I like to talk about life relationships.
It's a deadpan episode. We don't leave this one octave. Yeah. So yeah, normally there's
if you're a listener normally, you'll see that there's also Jason Melton. He's a big
fat guy. And it looks way worse. Doesn't this is a way better guys this format. So we're
pretty equally sized right here. We don't need a camera. Yeah, the problem is we would
have to in the program, we'd have to widen everything out and then it ends up being proportion
weird. So I think we would need close to eight cameras to make it look good like this with
Jason on the podcast. So I might have to ask Jason to purchase six cameras. If he wants
this will be on the podcast. Now that we know this, now that we know that looks pretty good.
I don't know. Looks pretty good. Like now that we know we can have the perfect podcast.
Yeah, like this. We're gonna have to ask Jason to buy six cameras for himself. And I'll
buy one I'll buy one for the guest. And then Jason has to buy five for himself. Yeah,
everybody gets one. Yeah. But then we had so our bond will need some back cameras. No,
yeah, he's probably got like, like a baker's dozen cameras 13. Yeah. We've talked about
the history of bakers doesn't. So the history of bakers doesn't is the baker, he would make,
you know, bakers doesn't 13, he would make the dozen. And then he would make one for
himself. That's why I love the bakers are big fat guys. And I mean, do you think if
it tasted not that great, he would throw it away? Probably not. I think he was just big
fat guy. Yeah, is that another one? I wonder if that's written into their employment contract
at the bakery. Are they allowed to have the 13th donut or are they stealing? Is this are
they are they are the embezzling donuts from the company? I think they're taking 112 of
every other donut and using that for the material for the 13th donut. I don't know. I don't
not support I don't not support bakers being allowed to have the extra doughnut. I mean,
if I'll tell you what, if I ran a bakery, and there was a baker embezzling donuts on
my watch, then he's getting canned. Yeah, I'm not going to support that business. I
think a baker's doesn't that should mean that they paid for it. Yeah, exactly. And if I if
I ever caught him doing that on camera, I go back through the camera was whole employment,
see how many donuts he ate, and then make him pay me back for every single donut with
interest. Yeah, I like when people like Oh, someone 30% of their future earnings. Yeah,
we are sponsored today by the Adam Gilbert perfect push up machine on. Oh, that is. And
the great thing about it is that it also can be the cap of a Yeti water bottle. So it's
kind of like interchangeable parts. Well, we're talking about the Adam Gilbert perfect
push up. We should bring up our live show at comedy bar. We're doing a live show, folks.
It'll be me. It'll be Dylan. It'll be Jason, the fat guy. And then what we're going to
do, folks, it's going to be, it's going to be fantastic. It's gonna we've we've ran
through it. It's going to be a complete masterpiece. And our Magnum Opus. Yeah, so people are like
someone said like, compared to kill Tony, they said kill Mac. But the difference between
this and kill Tony is on kill Tony, there's a panel of a funny guest, a gay skinny, not
funny guy, Tony Hinchcliffe, and then red band who just on a computer is always say
anything. And then they have open mic or shitty open mic is going up and doing a minute. And
then they either shit on them or say it was good or said it was medium. What we're going
to do is have the best stand up comedians in Chicago do do their best material. They're
gonna talk to us. And then we're going to completely they're going to get punished to
say the least. We're going to tear them to fucking shreds and we're going to make them
want to quit comedy. It's going to be a virtual blog bath. You're going to want to be there.
So I mean, if you want to compare this to kill Tony, you can say it's a kill Tony on
steroids. Because the comics are funny. We're the funniest people in the world. Chicago.
And that's my world. I mean, I think Chicago last time I talked to Kyle, you guys remember
Kyle from comedy bar, tickets are going fast. So is January 10th, I would get tickets right
now. This is dropping. And teeth. This is dropping on today. Christmas Eve, Merry, Merry
Christmas Eve, folks. Christmas Eve. Happy holiday. And what we're on here don't fast
forward patreon.com slash bad comedy for the good episodes. Sorry for the better episodes.
These are the normal episodes. The really funny ones with the guests are behind the
paywall. It's 399 a month. That's nothing. That's nothing. Nothing. Nothing every month.
How many gumballs? Yeah, it's like 16 16 a little bit less than 16 a little bit less
than 16 gumballs. Think about that. That's how many days of Michael Cooper being able
to eat. No, it's like, yeah, 16 days of rent basically for yeah, for Michael Cooper. He
has AIDS. Yeah, Andy's trans. Yeah. And he's cool. He's cool. Also, so 399 for a full month
of I mean, you can literally go back and listen to every single guest episode in every regular
episode for $3.99. So you're paying less than a cent in episode and you can see how much
16 gumballs you can see how much should we talked about you. You can see you can cancel
us for sure. All sorts of stuff. Yeah, you can totally cancel it anytime easily. No,
not cancel on the podcast. No, you can't cancel off some saying you can you can definitely
patch enough stuff together to fully cancel this whole podcast and ended. And I know we
got a lot of haters out there, but they never say anything to me. Or it's really funny because
I literally almost never get feedback in person because on the podcast about the podcast because
they're scared. They're scared. They're scared that we're going to punish them on the podcast.
Get punished, you know. Yeah. Who do somebody upset me this week? I noticed when I say yeah,
now it's time to grain man. Yeah, yeah, I want to drop a new catchphrase of that's so comedy.
It's so comedy. They can mean whatever you want it to mean, whatever about comedy. That's
true. I love comedy. That's a cool catchphrase. And there reminds me of cool steeper club.com.
Yeah, promo code bad comedy. And one of your 25% off. We're just going to do all the ads
right now. And then the rest of the episode is no ads folks. 20. It's it's ships tea. They
ship you these big bags of tea that gives you like 100 pictures of tea. It's fantastically
tasting. Jason drinks it every day. It's sugar free. The reason he's fat is because of the
donuts. So don't think that this will make you fat like Jason. That would be a fallacy.
We did have a donut intervention with with Jason. And we told him that I mean,
if he doesn't stop eating donuts, he can't be on the podcast. And he agreed he read to stop.
I think he might have stopped. No, no, no, I pissed us in today. There's five sprinkles.
Glaze and mountain. Yeah, they're all different color. He must have gotten it probably.
I think you got extra sprinkles. Yeah, he gets sprinkles on his ice cream. He gets
sprinkles on. Is he gay? Yeah, I heard he needs more sprinkles just to feel the same effect.
He's got original sprinkles. He's got to be gay. Weird. Yeah, that's kind of weird.
Does that mean there's a man or oh, no, she probably now that he's rich,
he probably pays her to pretend to be his girlfriend. Yeah, or to pretend to be a pie.
Oh, think about this. He makes a lot of money on coding. Jason's changing his whole life.
So he's makes a lot of money through through non comedy through coding. So he pays for a
first girl to pretend to be his girlfriend, who's a model. And she's black, which helps him
because he can see he can really get more street credit and he can say more racist stuff on the
podcast. I was thinking good for him, dude. He's got it down. But we kind of if this gets out.
No, it's definitely helps, you know, yeah, it helps him to make money. If this gets out,
then that's probably not good. And good thing. No, we're on public. We are on the public. Yeah.
Whatever I said, I was joking. No, it's just that's what we do here. Yeah.
Yeah. That's so comedy. Yeah, it's a comedy podcast. Kind of like the gazelles is a comedy
award show. Yeah. And the burbies congrats by the way. Thank you. Most original comic. Thank you.
It's basically least tech you I do got to say I don't want to get confrontational here. But
those pictures of you jerk of the jerks guys on stage made me want to kill myself.
So yeah, jealousy. But no, one thing I realized is you guys kind of like just so maybe I took
the chain thing from you. But first of all, you stole the podcast thing you kind of stole the
whole bad boy thing from me. Motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah, you just took it to a different
level with a leather jacket. I've I've I've joked about getting a leather jacket never did. So
so it's you are a your identity is a combination between me and Mark Karski. You're not even the
original bad boy of comedy of Chicago. I'm literally the original bad boy of comedy. Then
how come there's a guy who called himself like bad boy of comedy comedy bad boy. Yeah.
Comedy bad boy. He's not but I'm the bad boy of comedy. Yeah, I'm the comedy baddie. Well,
why'd you make your name that because I'm on bad comedy podcast and I'm a baddie in a school
name. How many bit is it? But that's what I wanted to say. Because just because you've been accusing
us of stealing the chains, I just wanted to say that you stole all of it. You stole the podcast
from come town. No, we still are. No, no, no, no, no, we still podcast from David podcast. The
original first guy that made a podcast. That was his name and come town copy. Well, we both we
both copied David podcast kind of and then come town stole from us. Jason looked it all up. Yeah,
no, we definitely hadn't heard of you guys before that. But no, yeah, Adam, Adam free R Kelly.
I'll let you tell you that much. I was thinking like it would be funny to do like a parody of
every other Chicago comedy podcast like on here. Like it'd be funny if a Jeff Christmas. Yeah,
exactly. Do that again. Who else? Mary Jeff. Well, we've done we've already done that with Aaron
Chase podcast. We need to really like dress up more like them or even like do like a
but we I don't I don't want to be you do. We can definitely do Pringles only. I don't want to do
I don't want to do Lobo done because they're allies of ours. And but they don't sponsor us for
us. They didn't do the secrets to your one time. No, they Giovanni shared our live comedy live comedy
thing. No, we are huge fans of the Lobo done podcast. It's a good podcast. I've been on it.
Jason's been on it. I'll hit him up to have you on it. Because you don't know him. Do you know him?
No, you should go on it. Are you? Have you ever like been a guest on another podcast?
Yeah, a couple. Like what? Like jerks? No, there's one in the suburbs. I don't know if you've seen
a drill. He's a blind comic. And then his friend Sean and you've never been on Aaron Chase's podcast.
No, you need to get on these. I wouldn't get on. I want to do Aaron Chase's. Why? That one's just
to me and Jason about done it. I think I don't know like I don't have anything against him. Just
don't get real with them. Just don't get real with it. That's the funniest thing, dude. Him not
even being on camera is to me, it's like, I don't know. It's like just have two cameras. Just wear
sunglasses. No, that's just still he's gonna ask you emotional questions and then you just put up a
wall. No, but that's just that's that's like giving some of the third degree like with the spotlight
on them and then you're not even on camera. Yeah, what my goal going on was just to sabotage
show. Just to go on yet. Yeah, I went on a while back. I went out way before Jason, but I was on
videos only on audio. I don't know. I told a few stories and I wasn't really I mean, I didn't like
go into any emotional or talk about comedy really. I feel like I did. I did. I did talk about how
basically my life's a bit a little bit. Yeah, I definitely talked about that on low boat and
that's because it's a bit. Yeah, I mean, except for I keep my business my business life and my
personal comedy life 100% separate. I mean, I like to be funny in the in business. But like when it
comes to fucking getting down to brass tax. And like, I'm not gonna like talk shit or ever reveal
any clients like like confidential stuff where in the comedy scene I got I gossip a lot. I legally
cannot do this. And I wouldn't do it either way because that's bad business. No, but I think like
Oh, no, it would show people a different side of me. Probably they'd be like, Oh, he's just not
like how he is on stage. But then it's also like so you don't you don't want them to dig. You
want to be more of a mystery. I understand that. I feel like it probably like that like you being
a mystery. Yeah, you are. I don't I don't I don't know nothing. I know, we guess that was raised
by trees. Okay, so this is what I know about your life. You were raised by trees. And then
once you once you got old enough to leave the trees, you got adopted by some parents, your
parents got divorced. Your dad was the lumberyard. Your dad is a cooler one. The above bar.
You hit your head and the you hit your sister in the head of the baseball bat.
And your dad was having trouble with custody. And you asked him why and then he said,
yes, and why he's like, I don't know these people, you know, they just won't let me and you said,
you should kill them. Yeah, why don't you kill them? That's all I know about your life. Why don't
we kill them? Oh, wrestling. You did wrestling. Yeah, maybe it wouldn't help me. You know what,
let's kind of do this. Let's what else have you done in your life? How was high school?
Were you cool in high school or no? No, but I was high and cool. Did you have friends?
Like sports friends more? Yeah, wrestlers. Yeah. Played football. Sometimes a coach would
give me a hard time dealing shut up. It's Keith Jordan. True gentlemen. Dude, I love football
coaches because they're like, what are the all the P's is five P's piss poor proper
improper preparation prevents his performance. Nice. I like that one. You want to know why
I remember that more because I mean, I can say this. We did a zoom call with Kelly Robinson.
He was helping Michael just kind of get his feet wet with zoom calls with people. Kelly was so
fucking funny and we had the head of our office. Her name is Randy from Randa.
She's talking about them. I it was just really funny because Kelly Robinson,
he just keeps talking and talking and talking. She's got like ash on his shirt from smoking
a bar right beforehand. Okay. And then I don't know. He was going wild the whole time. Mike was
well. Yeah, they're not clients. So he was saying they're not clients. That's why I can say this.
Yeah. But maybe at some point, but we love Kelly Robinson, our favorite non patron fan.
And here's to you, Kelly Robinson. Nice. So that should be a song to we're working on some songs.
And that's gonna Kelly Robinson is Michael Robinson's dad in case I didn't make that clear.
But we're gonna have a pretty much you're gonna have like a whole album of just dance songs.
Why that you know, mostly dance songs. I haven't really I haven't really talked about this to the
public, but I probably get a B switching off every month, a normal song and then a dance song.
There's gonna be two separate albums. One is specifically, it's called the album will probably
be called Dan jokes deal mo. And it's all songs about how Dan does see a mo as a joke thief.
And then I'm gonna have another album product called chromity.
Or crap, crap comedy, crappy comedy. Yeah, or or oh, comedy. No, how about menace to the comedy,
like menace society? Have you seen that movie? I do too white, dude. No, but you've seen so many
movies and all these scenes from the movies. No, menace to society is this is hood movie.
It's a voice to men. Well, like, no, it's way different. The first scene they go into a
Asian guys like store like this. This is part of why Asian people and black people don't get along
or why Asian people are racist towards black peoples because a lot of times part of a lot
of times the Asian poor Asians will come over but have enough to open a store in a bad neighborhood.
And they just get robbed all the time. They just get robbed. Yeah. That's like what Jason said
when he went to see my deal. Yeah. You're gonna have to set up that that is a funny bit. It's like
it's like people people say that black people steal and I mean, one thing you got to understand
is it's not about it's not about the race. It's about your socioeconomic class. I mean,
like you wouldn't expect like Tyler Perry to steal, would you? I mean, except for when I saw
Medea goes to prison. I kind of got rough. It's a very good show. Does he play a bunch of different
characters in that movie? This is the first scene. This guy shoots the Asian guy in this movie I've
never heard of. You Well, this is a movie that everyone knows about. This is a famous movie.
Is this from the 90s? It's like it came out around the same time like probably like boys in the hood
came out. Who's it? It's not I don't know if they're they're probably famous actors now, but when
they're younger back then but this is from the 90s. Everybody's sort of this. So it's too society with
the number two. That's where it got. It's an enormous movie. He has Norman it is that way?
No, I'm not Jason. Don't try to don't try to rap. No, I'm not. Don't try to rap.
Norm. Norm. What I'm saying, I'm a enormous. I'm a big enormous guy. I see how fat I am.
I tried to get a movie as a. I'm getting fat. I'm getting fat
to for for to get to try to get a movie for a movie role and they're like what's the movie role?
They're like, well, it hasn't been a movie. Not a specific movie. Not a specific movie,
but they're always looking for a fat guy. Yeah. And then he's like turned out they're not. There's
plenty of them. They're more acting experience than me. Black people would be so upset with you
if you haven't seen this movie. What other movies are like that? This is from 93. I need to watch all
of them. You've seen Boys in the Hood. Yeah. Okay. Hey, listeners, if you can let us know
about cool black movies that like black people would get pissed if you don't. But only like the
we don't want like the we want the cool gangster ones. We don't want like the romantic ones.
Some that I haven't seen like loving basketball and shit like that because I want the I want the
gangsta shit. I don't want love and basketball. No, it's like that Adam Sandler has a basketball
movie now. I think. Yeah. I don't want that. I want to see a teacher turn a group of well-behaved
basketball players into thugs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to see street ball. You could call it.
Yeah, that'd be awesome. So there you can be there could be a movie where how about
a classroom Hispanic women teaches teaches a bunch of honor a bunch of honor roll black poets.
She teaches them. Yeah, she teaches them. They love it. And they're doing like they're on
track to go to college. She teaches them how to sell drugs how to how to get violent.
How do we store people how to what to wear to become a gangster. They're so good.
They hire her just because they want the best test. Yeah, they need it. That would be the year
and she tanks them. That would honestly be a very good comedy thing or like a portion of one of
the scary like the scary movie movies. Yeah, those types of movies. I was just thinking that.
There's like two movies like that at least. I love those parodies like what how American summer
like not another teen movie. Not another teen movie. Amazing. Well, yeah, that one's a mix of a
bunch. I know. That's like all those like what 70s or 80s movies combined. So stupid. I love I
love that movie. When I first saw it and I didn't even see any of those movies. Yeah,
I was like this is just fucking no. But those are the best movies. Those parodies if you can
make a really good parody. It's the best kind of movie. Like I love like Billy Bob has like
however many concussions left or whatever. Yes, they have it on the scoreboard.
I love the redhead nerd kid like trying to get the girl or whatever.
Or the guy I feel like I'm the guy with the it's like him filming or whatever. And that's
like that guy does remind me of you. Yeah, I'm the man. I'm the main cool guy.
You're the football player. Yeah. Well, actually I'm the I always like the blonde guy. That's like
the the antagonist. That's what I was thinking about being the one who's the starting quarterback.
Yeah, that's me. He's awesome. Because he's so cliche. He's like you're bad at football.
Something like that. Like other snider remarks. And then Gretchen Wieners from Mean Girls is in
that. Oh yeah, true. She's fine as fuck. Dude, I don't like Mean Girls, dude. The movie Mean
Girls. What do you like? Ren obviously or D.D. Yeah, that should have been in Mean Girls.
Dude, Ren and D.D. are so mean. Yeah. And people we didn't get enough love on that clip. We're
talking about Ren and D.D. Is it because we called them bitches or fake characters? I think it's
because we called them bitches. I think it is. And people saw it as like feminist. Like you can't
do that. We're talking about a cartoon who would ruin every other all of Dexter's things he did
all of his inventions. Think about where the world would be if he was able to finish his
inventions. No, I feel like a lot of people would would back us on that like Mean Girls. It's like
that is undeniable about those characters. And then Ren. Ren clearly just a meanie. She's a meanie
just because she has straight A's doesn't mean she's got to take it out on her on her brother who's
supposed to want to have fun. No, let's wind it back. Rugrats Angelica. Bitch. Hello. Okay. Hey,
I don't know. There's that bitch. Yeah. Oh, I can't see ours. What's her name? Long and
there. There. There is a common thread in these where the woman like bitch. She's not an antagonist
of the show. Like technically but she's a part of the show and she sucks. No, it's like they always
just have it's like she's like a heel. Yeah. There's a heel but I mean there's always like
obviously there's always like a male bully. But normally one of the main characters is a woman
who is just a fucking Hermione dude. I'm sorry. I love her. Yeah, it's Hermione's Hermione. No,
she's a she's a know it all nerd. You don't even know the spells. Yeah, I know what a pretentious
like bitch. That a mean girl. And guys just you know we're talking about characters from movies.
Okay, so if you think we're being like anti feminist, then shut up. Maybe check your bitches.
Yeah, check your check your check your bitches and I'm talking about what's what are they talking
about? And I'm talking about the cartoon characters and people from characters from movies who
else is a bitch? Every woman in Breaking Bad is a bitch. Bitch. Every single. Have you watched
Breaking Bad? No, my boss told me when I shaved my head, I look like it. Alright, I need to make
a list of things for you to watch and listen to to join society from your treatment from your
tree nation. Wild hogs. Breaking bad. You haven't watched Wild Hogs yet? No. So this is what you
got to do. Give me that book report. Let me plan out your day. One. Let me plan out your day. Okay.
Yeah. All right. So you wake up at 1030. Wild hogs. You can sleep in. No, you start off the bad.
Hang out. Actually, I watched Wild Hogs at the beginning of the day to get your day going. Yeah.
But I thought we're gonna use wild hogs for if you if you're a spiral bacon. Yeah, as like a so
like like, does it doesn't give you tripping balls? You always want to have something that's a constant
in the room? Maybe you know, it's like the or like inception when you have this top. So what
what for you? At the beginning of the day, you'll maybe watch like menace society or something.
Yeah, something new. Something you haven't seen. Is that not something new? Something you haven't
seen yet? Yeah, something to get your I mean, after you watch, people getting shot and stuff,
you really have an appreciation for life when you see, honestly, I'm on X sometimes the formerly
known as Twitter. My whole algorithm is just 9 11 content. It'll be like this is the angle of the
only journalists who got murdered. You talk about 9 11. Have you posted? No. But it, you know, it
knows. It's for some reason, I get no 9 11 content. And yeah, mine's all just it'll sit but I also
again, I don't really look through my feed. Yeah, I should use a content creator. One thing I do
need to do is I I should like people's posts on the podcast thing like every everybody's yeah,
maybe they'll help. Just do that. I remember every post when I first started was Derek strong,
had a podcast called Epic cheat day podcast. That's what it was called. And he would like always
like everybody's posts. Yeah, I wish I had some people do that. What do you say? Some people do
that. Yeah, well, the people that constantly like our posts are of course the hosts and shout out
to Ian Pet and Hank Cruz always likes our posts. We should make like an a goger goger Edwards.
Always likes our posts. I don't want to I don't know if I want to release who that is.
Goger Edwards. Yeah, it's a goger hands. He looks like he's the funny funny version of
yeah, we we now work. Yeah. Yeah. We like to keep so although we throw a lot of dirt and
shit out there, when it comes to our friends, we are the most loyal people in the fucking world.
And even if we talk shit about you, it's josh and you know, if you're a friend,
and you don't if you're a friend, we'll protect you, you got our protection.
That's what happened when you defended Jerry. Yeah, I defended Jerry. And you know why I
defended you. You want to know why? Because because Jerry is a patron.
And I respect the gazelles. I think it's a fun event that people should go to.
And it's a fake awards event. Even Jerry's own words. He posted like a thing like this is a
dumb like joke event like have you ever heard of like a one off like show this chill? Yeah,
and it's just and if it matters a little to you, then just don't go or don't post about it.
Yeah, just think going after like, you know, something that's, you know, don't even name it,
but you're just talking about it exactly. Yeah, some pussy shit. Well, what just say, you know,
well, what are the what's the percentage chance that Zako would have posted that had he been
nominated best comic? Yeah, exactly. Well, what zero zero. I know for a fact,
you would not oppose anything close to that. He probably would have promoted the comedy gazelle.
So I don't know a lot of narcissists out there. I'm not saying I'm not one. But
I'm more of a car carcassist. I like cars. You do like cars. I like carski. Actually,
I do like I do like Mark Karski. But I do like I do like making fun of Mark Karski.
That's just like making fun of everybody. I do. I mean, it's a fun activity. I like to
bust balls. I'm a dick, but I'm a dick, but I'm not an asshole. Yeah. So I do want to get a
t shirt that says that. I like to I like to bust balls. I'm not a dick. I'm not an asshole. I'm
just a dick. It is nice like thinking about if you're making fun of someone in the scene. It's
like that is original, like, no matter what you're doing, because no one else is talking about that
person. So just like making fun of that or no one else is making fun of it. What I'm doing it.
But I mean, I say the same shit on the podcast as I would say in person to 99% of these people.
Let me talk about whether it be Dale or Zach or or just no matter what we do on here, we're just,
you know, this is this is this is us. This is if we had anybody if let's say MC lights you sitting
here with a dangly earring, I'd probably hurt him. No, it's like we're talking about Dale's personal
hell. Yeah. And if they were sitting here, we'd be saying the same thing. Yeah, we're not we're not
we're not hiding behind a podcast. So here we it's bad to talk behind people's backs. We can all
agree about that. Here we talk in front of we talk in front of their backs. Okay, in front of their
backs, we talk in front of their backs. And I don't know. It's I don't think that's bad.
It doesn't have to be bad. In my opinion, it's not bad. I mean, if you want to listen and see if
you're talked about, then you should listen and be talked more shit about. I like the
like on the matriarch and the huge knife. Yeah, I'm gonna put the machete on there. And got the
gun holder. Yeah. Oh, can you slide and grab a samurai sword? Watch your headphones. Oh, that's
cool. And you're on you can grab your staff. True. Thank you. I love my snake. Yeah. Yeah,
you're here's the who they could make a sword that Gilbert's like, that can be your that can be
your libertarian sword. Snake. Yeah. Yeah, don't try it on me. Yeah, please. Dude. Yeah, we won't.
I had to pay all these taxes. I felt pretty treaded on. And I said, I sent an email to the US
government IRS and I said, he has just stopped treading on me. Yeah, like for real. Honestly,
I saw this thing about, do you think that you have to pay federal income tax and maybe we shouldn't
even get into this. Now we say we can talk about it quickly. But what what just do you actually
have to pay federal income taxes on this? No. I don't know. I think we do that trends on social
media. People say that there's no law that actually says you have to you do or you are
believe that's tax evasion. Yeah, like I'm not that guy. But yeah, I saw this guy who said like,
I haven't paid it in 30 years and they know who I am. I'm like, I don't want them. No, he's probably
a guy on the run. That's what you legally have to pay federal and state income tax. Yeah,
yeah, it's it's tax it's tax law. That's why they have the internal revenue service to enforce that.
Can we talk about Elon? I think Jason would like this if we talked about how much of a genius he is.
He's a genius. He's a business visionary. Yeah, yeah. Jason's argument was that since he doesn't
do all the groundwork that he's not a visionary or any kind of it's it's it's such a dumb argument.
You got to be a visionary. Jason would be a visionary. It's such a dumb argument. Yeah. I mean,
think about how many companies that have been around for a long time that just get a CEO because
the CEO is their charismatic or they have a new vision for the company to communicate. They're
not going to be the person in the coal mine of that coal company. No, or someone that knows better
hope. Yeah. But then they should do it like sometimes. So they understand I think well,
I mean, I mean, he does he knows how to do the computer stuff. I mean, or he but he's at a level
of management where he doesn't have to do that. Like at my level of management, I need to lead by
example. So if I'm going to tell people to do shit, I got to do that shit. At his level, he doesn't.
Yeah, but he'll like still go and like see the micro processes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'll
want to people say he's like a two Richard everybody paid the most income tax. So looking
me over here, I'm trying to fraud the government. And then we have Elon's paid the most income tax
of all time. He's 2023. He paid the most taxes out of any cool super villain. Yeah, he's a who
I love super villains. Now we're talking. I don't love mean girls. Yeah. Oh, I want to wrap
back to mean girls mean girls is a movie that men and women alike love. Yeah, for some reason. It's
not because it's it seems like a chick flick, but it's just a good movie. It is a damn good movie
mean characters in there. Mean Yeah, mean girls is excellent. You got fucking Gretchen Wieners.
Yeah. Yeah, Regina George, like Tina Fey's like a side character kind of yeah meadows. Yeah.
That's such a bars in that. Yeah. And they got a lot of hot girls in that movie. They got they
got Lindsay Lohan. I thought you said yeah, I was gonna say Lindsay Rohan like from Lord of
the Rings and like this for row on. Yeah, I mean, like I know that you know what they have in there
mean girls. That's all I know. Yeah. Well, that movie is about some pretty mean girls. Yeah.
I actually thought that there were two Lindsay Lohans when I was a kid, like for real thought
that because of the movie, the parent trap. I did to I thought that too. I was like, what happened
to the other one? Yeah, that's like, can you imagine if there was one and a half Jonas Brothers?
Yeah, I thought that would you choose? I always thought that the dad in parent
trap was a cool as dude. Kevin Costner, maybe. Oh, yeah, for sure. Maybe Kevin Costner or someone
has daughters is like a wingman, dude. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, I think I was a man.
That's how you run a house. So old mom was pretty. Oh, no, remember the fucking.
And remember the dad's new wife, the stepmother? She was a bitch. She was a mean girl. Meredith Blake
was her name. I don't know how the fuck I remember that. Her name was Meredith Blake.
That's how mean she was. That was the care that she hurt you. Yeah, well, I used to do.
We used to joke about how much of a bitch she was me and my siblings and my sister and shit.
And my brother's name. But yeah, fucking. You're being like Meredith Blake right now.
Yeah. And it's just like, I don't know. There's I just feel like that movie was problematic.
There's, you know, this whole step porn thing now. And I feel like how many people are going to parent
trap each other. Yeah, I don't like it. It could be problematic. Yeah. And the whole twins thing.
People have it twins fetish, you know. Yeah. And then you have just like, if we turn this into
an Aaron Chase style podcast, so Mac just kind of growing up. Did you have some mean girls in your
life? My sister. I mean, so she was the only girl and she was the oldest. I was the oldest boy.
And so we were and there's two boys after. So there was there was a power struggle over who was
that the head of the kids, because I was able to train these these boys to be one gay. And you
sound like you want to start a cult. No, but I mean, I would hang out with the brothers. I mean,
I was the oldest of the brothers. So I was kind of the oldest in their minds. Kind of the man.
And then my sister just was kind of jealous and kind of a bitch. She kind of trying to sabotage
your life. Yeah. Aside from that, not too many bad things with women. I mean, mom, mom would be a
bitch sometimes. Like kind of a lot, but mom's right. Women do. Yeah. No, but I had some fun friends.
I was popular in high school. You're popular in college or leader of your fraternity. And I
imagine that that has some wounds that still I've always been I've always been the same kind of guy.
Yeah, you know, I've just been this. So I'm so I'm a guy who I have a lot of friends.
But you got Celeste. They know to they know that they know what I am, you know, I'm not I'm not
somebody that like you keep a lot of kinds of metal clothes. Dude, I'm very straight up. You
know, I don't fuck around. I do not lie. I hate people that lie. Like people that like like
compulsive liars. That's one of my least favorite things. I think I think my my most important
tenets of a person is at least standard honesty. Just no no blatant lying. Yeah, just baseline
honesty. You know, honesty, loyalty. I mean, being cool and funny. I was the first thing in the
beginning. It doesn't matter if yeah, yeah. And then you don't want that kind of honesty, loyalty,
and then then cool steeper club tea and then and then Brain Spa will have a promo code soon for
that comedy. Oh, no, no. And then and then prompting it's being on time. Oh, yeah. Oh,
I don't know. Being a being a manager for because as a manager for seven years, a lot of late late
bloomers. Yeah, lots of late bloomers and a lot of angry me and I got PTSD because you're trying
to deliver cars places and pick them up. Yeah, like we would have shit that would need to be done
right off the bat. And he was rolling in like, Hey, what's up? And I'm like, what's up? Yeah,
let's stop it. What's up is I'm gonna the number of Carson and then this lot. Uh huh. I would get
pissed off for you. I kind of spidey sense. But let's not talk about my old work. Yeah,
due to the lame dude due to regal regal lesons. Yeah. No, just legality is it's not always black
and white, you know, just to the average. Yeah. With our black and white lawyers. I wonder what
percentage of lawyers are black. Very low percentage, I assume to kill a mockingbird.
Right. I'm gonna look up judges and yeah, and juries. Check out jury. Well, juries are all
selected like different. A screenshot something from my ex account the other day because I was
talking about. Oh, I look just like I got something. Go ahead. I was just talking about
jewelry and jewelry or whatever. I saw it on Twitter saying like something just all my joke.
No, it was just like referencing but not stealing your joke. Oh, wait, just like jewelry. I think
that they meant jewelry. Oh, I gotta play something that Dale sent me. Someone did a pan transparent
someone did a transparent stroke and a kill Tony. Oh, really? It's I don't think it's nearly as good
as mine. No, just, you know, kill Tony's only a minute. Well, I know. I mean, my joke is like 20
minutes. Yeah, and it's just like way better. Dude, I mean, her joke. All right, let's see if
I'm gonna try to have it come through here. Well, I was like, damn, I want to do years on there.
Oh, it's not connected. Turns out it was Adam Freeland did that joke too. Yeah. Adam Freeland
likes to take my jokes. When did the big dick energy joke on there? So the joke is so his
joke. This guy's joke. He performed it very bad and it was my dad is he's trans. I don't really
see him much. My trade my transparent is transparent. Yeah, it's like a shorter version of
yeah, but mine's funnier because it's both my parents, first of all, yeah, and then they became
each other. And then yeah, and there's a better there's a better build up and a punch line. Yeah,
I like yours more. Mine is this is like how I would do yours. Yeah, but yeah, I'm like a more
elaborate one because that one like the cross, like your dad became your mom and what like that.
So I love I love doing that joke of my parents are there. It's like, right? That's like a little
bow you're wrapping. Yeah, that one. That one's never done bad except for one time in Pittsburgh.
Someone went wow, wow, somebody went want want want because it didn't get a good
bunch of laughs. Really? We did two shows at this arcade comedy bar club. 100% because it was a
trans joke. It was it was because it was trans. And that crowd saw we did two shows that night
though. So at the same place, the second crowd like it crushed on. So just the crowd sounds like
it's only what I want. I went want want want to you. My parents are trans. What's wrong with you?
Perfect response. Yeah, they were hating on your parents being trans. Yeah, trying to make fun of
and the thing is, it was definitely a person. It was a few persons they felt bad probably.
They probably did kind of rethink their actions should have said talk to me after the show.
Yeah, my parents, they're my parents are actually here. So I would like a personal apology to them.
Good luck. Guess which ones I should have done that. Yeah. And then I would have said that Jason's
used to be my mom. Yeah, I mean that one clip that blew up with your mom and I thought that
that was your mom. He was your dad. Yeah, yeah. Originally, I mean, yeah, because I said dad.
I was I was I was ending a joke with it wasn't really a punchline, but it's I'm not even Jewish.
Yeah. And then my mom yells out, Yeah, you are. And then I was like, I was like, I didn't really
respond to walk into my notebook. And then I was like 13%. And I was like, Yeah. And then she's
like, How'd you find that out? And I was like, shut the fuck up, mom. Yeah. I'm trying to do my dream
here. This is my art. And then and then that was a good clip. Yeah, no, it is your dream and your
art. Yeah, that was all off the cuff to pretty pretty cool guy. Gordon asked me if I was Jewish
earlier. But I have a lot of you jokes. And I do have a new one that's been in friends. I'm Jewish.
Yeah, 13% Jewish. That's why I was able to say that word on the last on the other on the if you
want if you want to hear that word that you're not supposed to say about Jewish people.
Patreon.com. So it's bad comedy. It runs a spike TV. Yeah. And in Dick Van Spike. That's actually
where it came from. Yeah. Well, actually, you're gonna say Dick Van Dyke. Yeah. Just because he had
I don't know, you know, history of falling, you know, our last episode got demonetized
for for graphic speech. Yeah, that is I was in speech class of up a couple times today. But I
liked it in that clip the other day when I said, fuck, yeah, spell that fuck. Well, it's funny.
What I like doing is when it's like insane situation, like it's like 9 11 or what your
reaction would be if you're surrounded, you know, your whole castle is going to get up with
you killed. I'd be like, What's the heck? I need to be like, God damn it. Yeah.
I really like for a while, I was obsessed with that little bits where it go like,
yeah, that's good.
That's very very unprofessional. It's it's kind of like phone. It's absurd how much like stuff I
come up with how much material I could have if I just voice my mode. Yeah, you should do that.
Why don't you? I don't know. Stand up. I forget because then I forget to do that. If I forget
right after I think of it, I forget to voice my moment. No, dude, I do every time. And then you
always then you'd want to go do open mics. I thought about like I have to go drop this. I
thought about that fucking. It's a one block walk to Walgreens. And I thought I thought about the
to where the to Walgreens where I went to cash earlier. And like this. So Adam, if you're watching
like this, Adam Gilbert ATM joke again soon too. Oh, yeah, fuck yeah, throw in the holidays.
Yes. Maybe I mean, I can just like text a few people and go on their shows. Yeah, I'm not I
I can what? Yeah, you can you can get on a show instead. Yeah, you should do then you get longer.
Well, yeah, I mean, give it up. That's so comedy. That's not really working. I'm not doing any good
time. I'm kind of like sorrow. I mean, I don't I don't do my now I do I've been to like a heck of
I went to I've almost gone do a Micah week. But you know what you would do for like the set,
you know, so it's just like, yeah. Well, I know the organization I set normally. Yeah, I like
starting with a 9 11 joke. I you start off with my pansexual joke. But now I now I have that lead
in to like the transparent family was liberal all that they hate that I've gone. So I go from a 9
11 to gone all that all that sexuality shit maybe did maybe dated my brother. And you have more
momentum and credibility for when you get into your even heavier hitters. But yeah, 9 11 one
establishes that that that it's going to be weird. And that it's not going to be standard comedy.
The punchline the punchlines are all in the middle on that one. Yeah, it's like I think my
transparent joke is one of my only ones with like a legit format for a regular joke.
No, because it has a setup within the punchline. A lot of my jokes aren't like that. No, but I like
the different lengths. Yeah, just different. I still can't I still can't time out a 10 or 15
minutes set. I had material for I just I always time it wrong. When somebody like six minutes
of PD show bags. Yeah, I think I was with you. Yeah, you did eight minutes. Yeah, I always go
under there. So I'm just gonna start over writing for that one. I think it's just better that it
just like do your jokes and get off stage or something. Oh, that's what I do. Yeah, I mean,
the fans don't think about it. Yeah. Well, I'd be like, how much time I got left PD? Yeah.
And then you'd be like, uh, six, five minutes. He'd be like, eight minutes. And I'd be like,
I've done eight minutes. He'd be like, you have eight minutes left. But normally I don't say
how much time I got unless a joke bombs. I got eight minutes on that's a classic material.
That's a classic thing to say when I'm sorry, I stepped on that date again. It doesn't it's
not I stepped on that same exact bit on another episode. Yeah, it's okay. I think it has potential.
Well, I didn't understand the joke at first. And then I think people, yeah, just because not
everyone knows the eight minute of because the joke is explain the joke. You have to
in the other day. I'll tell you and this is history. He has 20 minutes on asplay.
Dan is 20 minutes on dogs. Mark can riff or whatever. Wash your porn for an hour.
I got 60 minutes on the show. 60 minutes. You got you do have 60 minutes of material on 60
minutes. I have a sick album 24 hours on the of the show 24. That was a good show.
And I but that that's a good day of material. That's a show that looks like it was good.
And I never watched it. But I think it's a good show. I'll tell you what key for Southern
linear. You don't got to watch it. It's good. You know, and you know men of society is a good
movie. I haven't seen it but it's good. Yeah, you can just give it its flowers. Yeah. Sorry for
touching your knee with my foot. No, it's okay. Ney. Yeah, so knee. What's the knee? Neon. No,
knee is how those trees talk in. Yeah, in that those gay British movies. What are those called?
And Monty Python. Lord of the Rings. Do you ever watch Monty Python shit? Yeah. So there's
those trees that would go knee. Oh, wow, really? I think they're tree. Are there giants, maybe? I
don't know. Giant racists. Yeah. But Monty Python. Those movies can all suck my dick. They're just
like the lame improv like SNL out there, I guess. I don't know what it is. But I don't like anything
that has to do with improv. Actually, wait, no, I love improv. Yeah, because it podcasting is
an improv. You know, even doing improv and just comedy in general 30 and a half years roughly.
Yeah, I'm at 30 years almost 30 and a half. Yeah. What's your birthday? August 93.
You don't want to get the full one. Mine's June 3 93. Mine's Juneteenth 93.
Yeah, I wish I wish I yeah, I was a we should two new people joined my team yesterday and their
birthdays were all like in the Juneteenths. It's funny. No, I was actually I mean, I mean,
I mean, the Juneteenth joke to Junes to the to the white one, I think. Black one. Yeah, it's just,
you know, it's just it's not intentional. It is funny that our show we call it Jantin.
That's funny. I mean, we on Jantin. We have a like we have black fans like we have a big black
fan base, especially down in Missouri, the Robinsons in in I forgot what county in Missouri.
They run shit down there. It's a growing area, which is good. It's good. But the Robinsons
run shit down there. They got fucking family at the ass. And it's becoming not it used to be all
country. Now it ain't that country. A lot of a different kind of a lot of like people say up here,
like you sound country is here. Is that good? It's a different kind of famine.
And when you're famine with your fam famine with the fam. Yeah, that's like every your family right
now, dude, we're family. We're not in your family. We're not having a famine. I'm not that hungry.
Nice. So hungry for success. And that's it. If you have a hunger strike with your whole family.
Yeah, that's that's what I call it actual famine. So that's like that's an absolute famine. Probably
it doesn't sound optional. Why would you? Yeah, no, it's optional. But it's your whole family is
doing a famine, a hunger strike. So I think that it's like that song. I'm going hungry. I'm going
hungry. Exactly. This one should be called hunger strike or famine. I'm stealing punchline.
It's been a while since I have written my own jokes nice and every bit that I
stole from I have performed on stage. This is a preview of something probably to come in a
few months, folks. I'm just gonna apologize in advance to Khalil. There's a non zero chance that
I might play dill leal in the video. But it's not real. It's just kind of what sometimes things
happen in comedy where wait, I have a better idea. All right. Wait, turn your mic off real quick.
Okay, sorry. I have an idea. So this isn't Dylan don't really see yours. But I have an idea.
Hey, there, Delilah. Hey, there, hey, there, cool. Hey, there, why'd you actually?
I mean, you don't have to do just one song. That's the beauty of it, folks. And I feel like
yeah, but I don't want to I don't want to repeat songs. I think dandosteamo should be the constant
of the review one. But other ones weekend, we can talk about people. But I don't think we should
do multiple songs about one person except for Dan. We can talk about Dan's the constant jar will be
one and we'll say you can have you try to in the new in the new one that we're working on include
James because you can a little bit. Yeah, I have something cooked up that I can turn your mic off
for. We'll talk about it after that. So yeah, and I also just have I've heard of a situation
within Chicago comedy that is a it's just kind of you know, if someone gives you a show concept,
you know, and and it's an original kind of show, you know, and your name's Sam Roka, I think is
outside. And you just get handed a show concept of a fake DJ character, they're already playing
plus live music. What is this show? It's a fuck what's it called? I'm glad I don't remember what
do they do on the show? What's the what's the idea playing an MPR character, but then it like has
actual like musical guests on it. It's a live show that you practice for or it's a bike. It's a real
show. It's like almost like a almost like a play. But just like it has like kill myself. Think about
that's a good idea. I was watching some and some someone might have you know, like written the whole
thing. Yeah, I've been given it to that person that's doing it. He's funny. And then they just
cut them out and don't pay comics. Yeah, this is something that is I don't know that's even crazier
than stealing just a joke. Yeah. I don't know. And then you pay the whole script and then got it
stolen. You pay the exposure. Exposure I barely know where me and Mike. So me and me and Michael
Robinson, we've been working during the day. And then at night either like he'll this is after our
we did that camp, this sober camp. Then either who got to show I've been trying to stay in and
just work on the house since I've been putting that off from studying. But we watch just like
true true crime shit from YouTube on the like the interview videos. Like this shows like these
three things show that this guy is a psychopath. Yeah. I'm like, I'm just sitting there like,
what are they not me? Not me. For sure. No, you are for this one guy like there were like things
that exactly mess up to me. And I was like, let's hear. I was like, okay, okay, we'll know. To be
honest. No, okay. Main thing for I forgot what the points were. You forgot what the point. No,
because it's weird because in normally sociopaths are I mean, so me and him were discussing that
most of these matched you the most. Like you like what like anti social personality. So you
remember some. No, no, no, no, psychopaths and sociopath they can cross paths. There could
be autism mixed with different things. We didn't officially diagnose you because we're not professionals
or we're not like Jason. I don't even think professionals could. I think it's all just
whatever you get tested for if the test is probably well that it is not that the thing is you can't
it's not like that. I mean, I mean, everybody has a different brain. So it can be you can't just
label someone just a straight up psychopath or should have sociopath they could be a mix of the
two less they're way you can have a little bit of autism in there, you know, a little mix of
fucking just being a fucking Joker. So I was thinking you should be the broker. I will say that
you can be you you can you can be the walkie you can be the walkie and Joker but I didn't
see that one yet. Oh really? I thought about watching last night. I thought it might be a
bad influence on me. It's good. It's it's you for sure. I am the dark night Joker. I don't give a
fuck. But that's my all I want to do is watch the world burn. No, you're the Jack Nicholson
Joker. That's why I'm sorry, dude. I'm I'm I'm the Joker. I just want to watch my doppelganger.
I understand. Even if you look like them, it fits. It's way more fitting to me based on what he
wanted to do. You don't even do my scene more. Exactly. This for me. I write so many jokes.
I'm the Joker who cares the dark night one. No, no, you're you're the because he actually
tries stand. He does stand up in that one. Dude, you should do reef ledger. And then it'll be the
dark night. But you do green face again. I'm a Keith ledger and he's his brother. And he writes
on ledgers. If you want, yeah, you should play that because you're a stock guy now. But be no,
your Heath ledger is like a but then you're also the broker. No. Well, I always I always I never
knew that Heath Ledger as an actor. I thought it was kind of like you work at a convenience store
and you have the ledger while the Heath bar is like it's old. Yeah, I was thinking of that.
I kind of thought I always thought his name was Keith. Yeah. Yeah. Or just like Bruno Mars bar.
Well, my rapid name is Bruno bars. You know this. Yeah. But then who would be Bruno Mars bar?
Bruno Mars bar. Remember who I said was like Bruno Mars? Oh, Jason avocado. Right. Jason
Acevedo. I have a few songs. So if you've heard the song Never Been by Wiz Khalifa. Jason Acevedo's
version is I got a double chin. But then but then when he puts the scarf over it, yeah,
you put the scarf over it. So but there's another one ever chin. Another one that's at the same
many men. Many chance. I put a scarf upon me. So we like and mercy on my chains. Like small people.
I gotta I gotta hide them some more. If you're medium sized, what are you just like a two person
podcast now? Yeah, just kind of crazy how that works. So Jason told Mike, I think I'd go on that
podcast and I was like, yeah, like you're definitely been invited. Yeah, for sure. One time maybe I
would have I'd have Jason avocado on. No, but you'd have to ask politely. Would you have Jason
mountain back on this after you see this? Isn't it you know, this reminds me of this is like her
Cameron with the banana. This reminds me of who's that James Cameron. This reminds you of James
Cameron exactly with style. James Cameron. Yes, James Cameron. But a bunch of Cameron's and and
cameras. Yes, this is gonna say so we need some weird if we're gonna keep this looking James Cameron,
we're gonna need some more cameras. You don't have an idea how about we lock in this kind of
set of camera like you just don't use this as your office anymore. This is just no I mean,
I'll we got to do is I mean, I can keep this the sizes locked like that. That's why it was
that's why I caution tape around here. Let's get some chalk to know where that doesn't matter as
long as they're good like this that we can reformat on that. So reformat why because of no,
I just got to move it back and stuff. Yeah, I mean, yeah, what we got to do something about him.
The problem is I can't I can't fire him because I would fire you first. That's the order of
operations contract. So what are operations? I should not have signed that bad deal. I was
thinking about recently was like I signed away all my intellectual property. Jason can pretty much
do whatever he wants because I can't fire him. Let's go fire you first and then I have to build
a whole new podcast. You can fire my co host. No, he fired me fired Jason rehire me.
That's the move. That's the play. You rehire after double cross. It doesn't say anything about
rehiring me after that's true. I wonder honest, I wonder let's say let's say I fired the both of
you. Yeah. Who do you think probably albours would want to be on it? Yeah. Someone else said they
wanted to be on it really bad. I want to put a line of the Khalil song I wanted to say best
comics Alex Luchin. Oh, no way. I would I would I would find a way he's like a like a higher like
Pokemon than it's like me and Jason combined. He's like a master ball. He's amazing. He's a very rare
card. He's like a mute to he's already got the he's the mute to have comedy. He's quit. That was
my favorite Pokemon. Honestly, you to oh man. Can you please mute Jason and I do mute to
yeah Luchin is the funniest guy. We should make a Pokemon card for him and I guess his
standup was really good in the past to yeah that guy I mean I understand why he would quit.
Dude, we should do that. We should make some but based on what he does. I wonder how many
hours he has to spend a week at his work. I don't want to talk about what he does on the
what he does is a great doctor Phil impression that's still doing numbers and yeah doesn't make
me or Jason look good. We keep getting. Yeah, I know about we don't do that one anymore. Yeah.
It's so we don't need it. Our guest just has the time gives us by far the best one. Yeah,
I don't know. I still don't know if it beat the the purple dick wrapped around the neck one. Yeah,
we'll have to go back and research. Cool. God tried to take me out right away. Yeah. And then
if you want to get taken out if you want to knock it taken out by God, Patreon.com,
such bad comedy. There's a way to sure fire protect you as well as your family and close
friends that you assure fire way to keep you out of the fires of hell. Yeah. So if you guys aren't
big fans of eternal damnation. Yeah. And I just want to say to anybody who doesn't come to our
live show, I will tell anybody who doesn't come to our live show, I will rain fire down on you
like the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah and burn your whole fucking life. This is gonna get demonetized.
Yes. I'm even making money anyway. Just go to our show. Go to our show. It's gonna be awesome.
How do we get demonetized before we get monetized? Right? Yeah, it's tough. Certainly that
juice. Fuck. Fuck. So it's going. Oh, it's four. Okay, yeah, we got to close off. So most important
things, folks, patreon.com slash bad comedy. If you become a baddie, you're very important. You're
under our protection. Okay. This isn't this is an extortion. All we're saying. Listen, listen,
listen here, folks, join patreon.com. All I want to say is if you pay $3.99 a month, that's insurance.
You got protection. I can't protect you against all these crazy comedians out there that might
be attacking you unless you get insurance. You should get pun insurance. Pun yeah, pun insurance.
Unless you get punished, punished. We need punishment insurance. So you don't get punished.
We will not punish you ever, except for maybe sometimes. Pun insurance today. Yeah. So I want
to say is if you don't want anything bad to happen, you don't want anything bad to happen. It's not
going to be us. Definitely not going to be us. You don't want anything bad to happen. That would be
very unfortunate. It would be very unfortunate if someone happened to use. Yeah, be very unfortunate
if somebody happened to break all the windows in the house and do something like that. I'm not
saying it's going to be me. All I'm saying is we can make sure they don't happen to you. There's
a lot of crazy people in the neighborhood. Yeah, and we hope that's all that gets broken. Yeah.
And well, yeah, you got to buy tickets at the live show. That's a part of the it's a down payment
for insurance. Doesn't sound like a bad choice to me, boss. Hey, $3.99 a month. That's $3.99 cents.
That makes a lot of sense to me. Makes a lot of sense. $3.90. Think about that, guys. I resort
to violence. That's a cent less than a dollar. According to marketing, that's that helps. So
help us out and help yourselves out to some amazing content at patreon.com slash bad comedy comedy bar
Jan 10th, which is January 10th. Comedy bar tickets in the description. Follow us on Instagram and
Facebook and everywhere else. You can also find the link there or go to comedy comedy bar calm.
I love comedy bar. You know who has my protection comedy bar. Yep. We love comedy bar on behalf
of comedy bar out of the three clubs in Chicago. Comedy bar is the best one. And I'll tell I'll
also I saw there. They have a cool podcast studio there. Hell yeah. Not saying that we'd move there
because this is our home. But we will be there. They have a cool spot and we will check it out.
And we will be there doing be on the main stage. It would mean the world for anyone to come out
and it mean the world not to have to go click click click. Yeah. And somebody who was to me is kind
of unfortunate. Yeah. Yeah. Don't don't and then they don't want me to samurai so you know shows over
I'm kind of switching over from being a gun guy to a samurai sword guy. Yeah. I kind of learned the
ways of the Yakuza. I'm trying to learn the ways of the Glock. I bought a jacuzzi is as a I think
is about a jacuzzi and I'm in the Yakuza. I hope you jacuzzi. I'm jacuzzi. He's very jacuzzi.
So jacuzzi. Oh by the way. I've been drinking blood folks. He has been drinking blood this entire
time. The blood of dragons. So it is. Is Barney Wade. Hold on. War. And this is Barney Dragon.
Barney is a dinosaur. I think he might be a dragon. Wingless Dragon. He's bald. He has cancer.
Yeah. He doesn't look happy. Yeah. Let's show the listeners. Yeah. Bonnie.
Yeah. That's Bonnie. So that's that's kind of a remake of the Barney the Barney on heroin on the
hammock. I'm not from capturing his essence. It's there's something. Oh folks if you do want to
know the real reason. Yeah they can see it. You can put it down now. Okay. Folks. Sorry.
If you want to know the real reason behind why our logo is Barney on a hammock
patreon.com slash bad comedy. We talk about it right there.
And we'll see we'll see you next time. Jason better buy his five cameras or I guess he's got to go.
Yeah. Hope the plane makes it. Yeah. To the towers. Yeah. Wait. No I'm going to cut that.
What I'm going to cut that out. Yeah. Jason's on airplane now. Yeah. Do you think I think it's
a land plane for now. Is there a is there a weight limit on airplanes. Yeah. We got away
for Jason to get off. Maybe they'll have to put him in the put him in the under the underbelly
of the plane. Well they call it a plane. It's a it's a bus. You just tell me a gig. I know.
Yeah. You went from Italian to gay to gay Puerto Rican. Yeah.
All right folks. The brown. We love you all.
Live show. Most important thing. Happy holidays. Sorry. Merry Christmas. What am I saying. Yeah.
Happy holidays. If it's Christmas. Yeah. Jeff Christmas. Merry Kwanzaa to Zach O Ryan and we'll
catch you folks next time with some beautiful video. Bye.