Hey everybody, welcome to a bad comedy podcast. My name is Mack and I'm here with Jason and
Dylan. What's good? What is good? Right? So what is good? I don't know, man. I got this
samurai. What is anything even good? This is anything even good anymore? Not not I turn
on Cartoon Network. Guess what's on Tim and Eric? That's not a cartoon. I cartoon. What
the hell does anyone have any morality? What about whatever? Whatever happened to call in
something a Cartoon Network and then it's only cartoons. Dexter's love. Thank you. I
was literally gonna say that. I'll say Dexter and DD. Thank you. Thank you. What's on the
Disney Channel these days? Probably Tucker Carlson on the Disney Channel. I want even
Stevens and beans. Give me give me goddamn Disney. We're still working on getting beans
on the podcast. I don't want Ren. Fuck Ren. She's a bitch. Just Stimpy. Ren is the non cartoon.
I'm not talking about that. Ren. I'm talking about the Ren that's even that's even Steven's
sister. I never seen that show. I'd say even Stevens Louis Stevens. Yes, it's not even
a genius. It's not even Steven. Yeah, I always thought his name was even. What are you guys
even talking about? You sound like the children I date. Exactly. No, I was talking to a kid
I was dating. If you want to learn about wiring, make sure to catch the video of this if you're
listening on. I know an electrician. Yeah, so sometimes what the wires get crossed. What
you got to do on cross them? You see that show the wire? Yeah, I love that show. You
never seen it. I'm not an electrician. You kind of remind me of it. Tell me what you
kind of remind me of Omar's boyfriend. I've never seen the show. I'm not an electrician.
Yeah, I would try to show about wires. That's true. What am I going to watch? I was on
mushrooms at power hour. Nice. Remember that you were there. I'm going to watch the top
chef and my chef top chef bottom chef. Someone tried to introduce me to the plug. Like a
drug dealer. Yeah, now but back then I was like, I'm not an electrician. I'm not a fix
like plugs and sockets and stuff. I finished the plug. I got extra drugs. I was like, I
don't want to meet. I don't want to meet a socket. Like a plug in thing. Yeah, sometimes
people say I just really need a plug and I agree. We're talking about two different things.
I love electricity. Plug my upcoming shows. The song plug walk is pretty good. By Rich
the kid. Yeah, it's like his only song. I want to learn how to plug. It's kind of like
King Louis living in Chicago. He hasn't stopped by yet for a switch shirt. He said we'll link
up tomorrow. Wow. Never linked up. What the hell? Damn, dude. Well, he's a liar. Well,
I keep them on close. Yeah. Maybe my girl went to the shed aquarium yesterday and we
pet otters. Oh, really? Otters have the bite strength of a black bear. Really? They told
us that eight times. Just because we kept on asking to pet them. They say how they have
the cuteness. They're kind of like dogs of the water. Dogs of the sea. The way we got
to pet them is they had them press their body up against a piece of plastic. They would
feed it like they trained it to feed it fish while it presses the body. And then we go
by and pet their little side of their body pressed against the glass. And then they
go, these things are so hairy. That's how they stay warm in the cold water. You're touching
millions of hairs in like a four inch. Oh, really? Yeah. I thought they were just like
what are they? Arab? I thought they had like a like hippo type of skin or something like
that. No, no, no. Like, you know what the skin I was talking about? The six skin. I
learned this at the aquarium yesterday, but animals stay warm with either fur, feathers
or blubber or boots with the fur. Some of the yeah, so they keep their feet warm. How
about how about boots with the blubber? I like that. I think the reason that guy kept
bringing up black bears was to relate to your girlfriend. What? I think you thought that
that would be like a thing. She would understand more. Yeah, she was like nodding. She was
like, Oh, mine. It's yours. She was like, Oh, blubber. I feel like that's how Michael
Cooper's girlfriend is. She's like all three. He dates freaks of nature. Yeah. It's perverse.
He dates God's rejects. And when I was in Savannah, we went to this fair. We had drunk
into this like fair with like rides and stuff. And they had a tent for like the world's smallest
woman. I didn't pay and see, but I think it was just a really small woman. That sounds
awesome. I want to, I wish you would have could tell us what that was. What a, what
a dick tease. Adam Gilbert sister. Smallest woman, baby, tiny thick. She lived in a die.
She lived in a diorama. Super tiny thick ones. I would suck to be one of God's rejects. You
have the God's favorite T shirt. Yeah. Yeah. But I like, I like the devil's rejects. I
tell you, I was wearing my God's favorite, my God's favorite, my white God's favorite
T shirt when I broke up a fight between my brothers and got my head smashed open and went
to the ER and they cleaned out the wound and the blood soaked through the whole shirt.
The water and blood just soaked through the whole shirt. Walking by looking in my room
and I was just sitting there bleeding from my head shirt is said God's favorite. You
don't get to the front of the line is bullshit. But did you feel like no matter what happened
to you, you were a hero that day. You saved the family in a way. Yeah. Yeah. So no matter
what repercussions, no, well, no, I saved. Well, I don't know. I don't want to talk about
my family. I don't have enough sunglasses to cover the tears. I respect Jesus. The Mexican
guy. I did not know that. Yeah, he was like, I'm going to turn on the make the bread and
the fish for everybody multiplying and now not turning the wine. Let me guess his name.
Jesus. Yeah. I was thinking either Jesus or second guess Jorge. Beethoven was Jesus.
You know Beethoven was black. Yeah. I like the podcast. Was it fat Beethoven? Yeah. That's
why when they say Beethoven was deaf, they were actually saying like deaf comedy. I think
that deaf. Yeah, that was he saying he was a deaf. He was the original deaf jam. Yeah,
it was most of his fifth. Did most did Mozart have all of his senses or is he something
he was he's retarded. No, he's probably genius. He was he wrote his first opera when he was
five five years. So he was he was a normal guy. He was a genius. He was a savannah. He's
a prodigy. He died when he was 30 from alcoholism. Really? He was poor and they put him in a
pauper's grave. That's awesome. I want that. I remember that movie. I'm a day. Yeah, do
you remember how it ends? No, they he's in like a bag and they throw him in the dirt.
Yeah, they include the part his bear is gonna write this down. They're gonna write this
down telling us an idea to do. No, I was just thinking he's to be in 30 boys. He had that
weird cackle. He laughs in the movie. We are both 30 me and you. Yeah. When I was in high
school, I was in orchestra and we would watch the movie on the day is every year. Really?
Yeah, for four years. Oh, yeah, you also played the string bass. Yeah, but upright bass. You
call it the upright bass. Santal was watching him a day is yeah, he does. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Citizens brigade. I was talking to somebody and they go what's that instrument called
I go it's called the bass. They're like but it's different than the other base. Mm hmm.
I was yeah, well, there's an electric bass and there's a bass guitar. It's the upright
called the double bass or the contra base. There's a standing bass, upright bass, right
right bass. No, it's cool. The string bass, but they all have strings. So I don't know
why you keep saying that. So we're class we're classically trained trying to have a conversation
here Mac about music. We're classically trained musicians. I was actually what I said was
correct to. So I was adding to the conversation. Unfortunately, can we can we talk about wood
winds? Yeah, let's go into woodwinds next. Oh, so now you want me to talk if you want
to. Yeah, you got to you like you want to blow my skin flute. Nice. Yeah, it's a skin
wind. Man, narrow class. I had so many riffs at when I was the mushroom guy at Power Hour,
I had a riff about this guy plays. You were on fire. What did I have? I had something
about somebody playing the pipe organ or something. But it was like to call them shitty. Yeah,
get piped. Horgan skin. Maybe you should get that organ removed. What about Billy Corgan?
You smoke. Morgan. I did. I told Stephen Curry. He was captain. He wanted to buy a pocket
pussy and I said, I just don't like how they want you to keep it in your pocket all the
time. Yeah. Can I keep this in a private place? I don't I feel uncomfortable having it on
me. Is that a pocket pussy in your pocket? You should be coming. You should play the
organ or play the keyboard with just the organ thing on and then you'll be called your musician
and it'll be Captain organ. I like the. Yeah, I like playing with my organ. Yeah, you know,
you know what you're going to talk about. I don't want to get demonetized. You know what
I'm talking about right now. Talking about your flute. Music. You're just more like a
little dog whistle. You know, Lizzo plays the flute. Is that right? Yeah. I don't have
a joke. I hate it. He plays with that flute. It pisses me off. John of the Davis plays
bagpipes. Actually, really? He does it on stage. So we're good. Yeah, I play get the bagpipes
with me and Migos. Hell yeah. Always get in the bagpipes. You fumble it. No, I get
the bag. I flip it. I get the bagpipes and I flip it. I know you get the bagpipes and
you know, I get the bagpipes and I flip it and tumble it. I get the bagpipes. I flip
it and tumble it. You know, Scott, which one of us fumbles it and which one? Who's the
bagpipes and and and tumbles it? I don't know. I mean, Jason's classically trained musician.
I'm going to have to go. Yeah, but I'm more of a I'm more of a rap expert, even though
he thinks he is. So the bag and then he got the pipe. I didn't. Who does the bagpipes?
It's Scotland. Darling. Scotland. Darling. Yeah, that's maybe the worst culture of all
times. Like Scottish that are knowing the worst musical instrument. The men wear. Yeah,
the food is gross. Yeah. The men wear these skirts that are like awful. Yeah, they're
not even like hot ass mini skirts. I do kill me. I'm not a skirt. Their accent is off
pudding, but I like it. Their accent. Yeah. Like their accent is terrible, but I like
it a lot. Fucking eat a baby. I think that's why I love Scottish culture because it's all
the worst stuff. It's fat bastard. Yeah, that's like they're claim. Yeah. Yeah. Has Scotland
done anything good at all? It's like maybe the worst country. They don't have anybody
like at least Ireland has like Connor McGregor. Well, yeah, one guy who's cool from Scotland
and my uncle Duncan. What's he cool? Why is he cool? He's a gymnast at one point. Okay.
Well, that's I don't like that idea of him doing cartwheels on a skirt. If you're child,
no wonder just fucking ruining you some children's lives. I remember back in the day and wrestling,
they'd try to get us to do cartwheels and stuff and they'd have all these weird things. I'm
just like, uh, this isn't for me. That's gay. I'm a heavyweight. I don't know if you've
ever seen that movie. Heavyweights. What weight class did you wrestle? Heavyweight. What is
that? What was that? That's 285 pounds. And then it was like it was 285. Yeah, but the
gap was 197. 197 was the next one down. Oh, it's just like they just said all these guys
are all in the same. Yeah. If you're 197.1, all right. Yeah. All right. I'm sorry. I
understand. I wrestled that too. Really? I weighed. I was never that big. When I was
in a freshman year, I wrestled heavyweight and it was 200 and up. Oh, exactly. And I
weighed two, I weighed two 10. Yeah. So I wrestled guys who weighed 80 pounds more than
me. Right now you'd probably have to wrestle obese weight. No, I'm not the top. I'm like,
well, that's more, that's more, but that's something I wanted to bring up. That's like
Dale. That's like Dale is morbid obese weight and then you're obese weight. I weigh 300
pounds, I think.
Dale's doctor says weight. We're gonna weigh you. I'm halfway to getting on TV to find
out how much Jason weighs. Patreon.com slash bad comedy. We're gonna weigh him in between
episodes. Yeah. Just consider me a bowl of marbles at the at the county fair. You guys
got to guess my weight. And then it'll be in the secrets here. We're gonna do some feet
or a bowl of jelly beans, I should say. Oh, he also he finished the 15 lawnmower effects
that are behind the secrets here right now. Is that true? Yeah. Fuck hell yeah. Yeah.
If you want to give the secrets here, come on. Actually, I think I hid the secrets here.
I think it's unpublished. Yeah, that's fine. It still exists. But the thing about being
unpublished is good idea. That was not a good long term plan. We ran out of secrets after
two weeks. And we're charging like five times what it costs. And the only person subscribed
to it doesn't know anyone we were talking about. And it was on a drunk in Paul. I was sober.
It was my idea was really pushing. No, but when we say when the patron that subscribe
to it. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, he didn't even stay a patron. Really? Yeah. It
was Hunter Hirsch. Oh, no, no, no. I was talking about the other guy from Denver, our
friend from Denver. So we used fear and gossip as a way to make money.
Hey, Tom, why don't you resubscribe if you want to get mentioned? I think I'm still
subscribed to it. Tommy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for the subscriber. Oh, no, we said
his name plenty of times. I know, but we didn't say that he's the guy who subscribed to the
secrets to it doesn't matter. I feel like people stop listening once we talk talking
about this shit, the patreon. I feel like people stop listening once you start talking
about shit. Yeah, as a light heavyweight. You know, a lot better shape in a lot of the
guys sometimes it's an advantage to be smaller and I was very mousy. What about being better
to be in a heavy weight? There was two we had two guys who could even go in the heavyweight
weight class in my school. And the other guy weighed like two like 60 and I would like
to ton and I would always beat him. Oh, yeah. He was terrible because he was just too big.
Well, Dylan, he would try and fall on me and I just scoot out the way it was easy. Dylan
was a heavyweight wrestler in college, but they had actually sent Jason to the heavyweights
fat camp in college. No, I don't know if they did. I thought you were too old. I always did
what I was weird though. You're supposed to be a counselor. Shout out to Ben Stiller
in that movie. He crushed it. So that that that back at Pat, I don't remember that. He
was like the lead counselor. He's a cool. Oh, yeah. He's a cool guy. Yeah. He was like
team fat guy, but that was like based on I didn't always want when I was a kid, I watched
that movie and I always wanted to go on that blob thing in the water. Oh, yeah. The blob
dude. Yes. The blob rules. I love just like you lift up on the corners of the beds. There's
a little trap like you open up. There's candy in there. Yeah. Yeah. In the middle of the
woods, burgers in there in the little tree. Oh, yeah. Think about this. You want to hear
the coolest scenario? Yes. So we got the blob. Okay. And then either either either
mirror you're on it on one side and then Sorob and Jason and Dale all jump at the same time.
You would land on another planet. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be awesome. Or Adam Gilbert. I'm
one side of the gravitational pull. Yeah. I really have you had up any comics for the
other live show? Not yet. We have to reveal anything. But I was going to say this after
we get our wooden shoes and stuff, maybe we could do another go from me to get the blob.
Yeah. What do you think? Yeah, I post that link. I know we now we got to get this one
taken care of so that we could do another one for the blob. So we have a joint beekeeper
outfit and what do you yeah, I'll put the link in the description guys, but we really
need beekeeper outfits and wooden shoes. We're going to have to put the Patreon towards it
instead of improving the podcast. We have been plateauing at $5 one donation. Yeah,
it was a billionaire from somewhere. A secret billionaire donor donated us five bucks.
I mean, it said anonymous. So it could have been the group anonymous. Yeah. The hacker
group. That's crazy that they had donated us. It's like pretty woke and we were perfectly
not woke. Well, we're trying to be we're trying to change our ways. So we should actually
donate the blow fund me. Oh, yeah. It's important site. I certainly donated to as a blow job
website. I've been watching a lot of that lately. I did on Monday to a similar one.
It was getting blown at gunpoint blow gunpoint getting getting blown at gunpoint.com. So you
donated to that. So you blew them at gunpoint. No, it was just a bunch of videos of people
getting great for a good cause. It's for raise money for this kidding. It's not a website,
folks. It most definitely is. We just don't know what it is. Well, it's not called that.
That's not the actual exist. Yeah, there's definitely something online. Yeah. The internet's
a dark place. Yeah, the dark. That's why we have Dylan internet here, folks. It certainly
can be. I'm Dylan number one influencer, right? Of course. I got somebody told me about black
Twitter where all the black people make jokes. And it's really funny, but I couldn't find
it. I think it's on the dark web. Nice. You found it. Oh, yeah, that's where he steals
all his jokes. I was working on some of my Instagram notes right now. It's his hack
lives matter. And I thought maybe we can make a t shirt of that. But then Kurt Dunsing had
another podcast improvement for us. And he said, tell Mac that he should make shirts
that say Mac lives matter. Okay, we could maybe add that to the shop. That comedy.org. I think
I was going to add that in my original in my zaka video, the pistol mop. I was gonna
say hack lives matter, but I like that. Nice. I should have kept it in there. The whole
thing is about keeping the award. Yeah, that's funny, though, you know, just sometimes there's
a hack in this scene that you have to punish. Very easy hit him with a hacksaw. I was reading
about these old, you get the song, you're hacking at the saw. That's what we say. Yeah.
Yeah. That's what we say. We've been saying forever. We should sell hacksaw. We should
really just start kind of doing Amazon. As you're talking about, I had this memory of
me and my friend Luke going to buy a hacksaw. We built a chicken coop. I think it was to
build a chicken coop or maybe it was for his bike. So you had to go find a hacksaw. We
drove we went cracking jokes. We were living in the by Brian Crow. He's living in little
village and like everything we did was like a big ordeal. Just because we all like did
everything together. It was like a fret. It's super weird. Well, it's kind of simple life.
Right. Yeah. I was like, I was texting Courtney. I was just like saying, okay, you just ask
any of your roommates that they'll be on the podcast. If you think it's so funny, I was
just a frat there. I said, I said, I can call it Lambda, Omega Lambda. It's a LL. Oh yeah.
When you go to power hour, they're all there. They're all just like, they're making inside
jokes with each other. Yeah. Just like how you woke up yesterday, right? But we are all
there was messy. It's like a warning. You guys need to shut the fuck up. People get too clicky.
I'll get too clicky. Oh, we're pretty clicky. Yeah. Yeah. Only we can be clicky. No, it's
really pisses me off when you think these people are not on my side. Last time I was
like, I was at that place. Are you saying you got fucking people will turn in on you?
Yeah, someone might have switched up on me as soon as who? Well, when I was at Brandon's
house last time, Tom Chang, I went to eat someone's fucking, I don't know what it was
a tortilla wrap or something. Just some kind of like any we're just going through their
fridge. What are you talking about? Just on the counter. I'm a guest and then all of a
sudden, Ryder comes up and he says, Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Blah, blah,
blah, blah. He smells awful. Yeah, you should have smelled because I think everyone is just
mean there when they're there. They're just mean. It's just kind of the thing. No, but
I told him you're funny parties. But then I saw a video of him eating Rovan's chicken
that he made last night. Right. I just fucking. Okay, Ryder smells disgusting. Ryder was
the drinker power hour yesterday and he he got so drunk he couldn't speak. But then he
got on the drums and he killed it. Well, yeah, muscle memory. Literally, he's a zombie. His
mouth sounded like dial up internet when he would talk and we get like really high and
then really low like randomly. Oh, so embarrassed when I was playing the drums there. I had
to go up and just bombed and then it was like, fuck, like now I'm back on the drums. It's
a whole elephant in the room. No one's really thinking about no one's thinking about except
for you. Nobody cares about a power hour. But it is just a nice thing. I was, you know,
I did the mushroom thing. I was the drinker and did mushrooms and then I had a set at
the end and I felt really bad about my set afterwards. You're on shrooms. But I was on
the shrooms is hard, but I remember really hard to be there. Like I just had to like
focus 100%. What happened? Me and Mack were like yelling jokes for you to do and it helps
the beginning, but then you did it. Then you yelled crancel at me and I'm like, what am
I supposed to say? You got offended that I wouldn't that you're like, Oh, I was helping
you and now you don't want my help. It's like, well, what am I supposed to do with crancel?
No, you can do you can just crancel jokes. I don't remember, but the first time you hear
crancel, though, it's just kind of for folks that don't know it's when you invent a crayon
pencil. You get crancel. That means you invented the crayon pencil. No, it's done yet. You
didn't need. Well, I did once, but then I got I got cranceled and they I had to reinvent
it. It's wrong. You're not supposed to teach kids that they make mistakes. I have the patent
for the crancel. You do anybody else invented. I'll cancel. I'll crancel them. Yeah. I almost
said cancel. Yeah. If you say cancel, we get so we monetize. That's why I use that code
word last night. I said self cancel, which is the code word for something you we know
what that means for a hide. I'm so rich. I'm trying to get demonetized. I got too much
money. Which is like that's a lot of money. I've been trying to cancel for years. Yeah,
I got too much money. I've been trying to get canceled. So I started comedy and it won't
work. I only want to be around people that like me if I have no money and nothing to
offer and have a lot of problems. Yeah, I cause them problems. And that's the people
that you want to be. Yeah, dude. My issue is I'll put up with that. My issue is the pendulum
keeps catching up to me. Every time I try to get ahead of it, it catches up to me and
I have to get more and more offensive and do worse stuff. I said this at the previous
podcast, but last night at power hour was even more worse. People are saying honestly,
everything is gay now. People are saying the F slur openly. Oh my God. Like I'm like five
years ago, you wouldn't be you would be not allowed to be doing any local comedy shows.
If you said the F slur to Mike, yeah, I heard it so many times writers saying like black
people steal. If you want to know that, guys, it's crazy. If you want to know what the F
slur is, Patreon.com slash bad comedy. And we did want to talk about tea. We have a special
video you can watch. It's called this is what the F slur is. Yeah. It's in 30 seconds
long. Yeah. Well, I'm going to say in it five times. Yeah. Turns out he aged well. So Jason
forgot his cut. He's his normal tea cup, but he is drinking cool steeper club green tea
out of a Dunkin Donuts cup. Shout out to cool steeper club.com. Yeah. Shout out to our friends
over at cool steeper club.com. The last minute gift for the holidays. Get your dad, your
mom, they like tea. Yeah. Drop you. Do you know any British people? Yeah. Do you know
any Brits? Get your friend a good tea. Everyone knows one Brit. Everyone knows a Brit. I don't
think so. So we probably had. Yeah. So we kind of lose a bunch of people when we talk about
the tea and then no. This is our sponsor. You sponsor it. Guy. You get free tea if you
mention it. No. We get money. Yeah. We get money for everyone we sign up. So is that
factored into the smelling soul? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing, Dylan? I
don't know. You know we don't edit and we have to leave this in. Yeah. I'm sorry guys.
Guys, cool steeper club. Remember it's the tea of the world like everyone says. The tea
is good though. And you've had it right Dylan. It is good. Yeah. And all it's cool. You're
not lying because rightly you actually like not no it has nothing to do with them giving
me a smelling soul allotment. Is that from them? That's for me. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's
where we realized we're getting paid in smelling and any proceeds from cool steeper club that
comes to us. We donate to lower the incarceration rate of African Americans. How much do they
give us? Because I feel like I don't know if I want to be politicized like this should
be a question for off. Yeah. This is kind of an off. This is not only you question by
the way. This is just an ad. You can be outvote. Okay. And then also brain spa if you want
to wash your brain clean. Go to brain spot. Oh, FC on Instagram. If you guys are curious
on you can go to my ex account. I was watching the video of a guy. He had three grenades.
He dropped in like a Ukrainian some kind of like like council meeting or something. And
that's kind of me. Yeah. It was like a couple days ago and he was just pissed off. They wouldn't
change the budget. They were giving themselves bonuses and so he just dropped a few grenades
in there. They said they're like level one grenades and there are five levels. I like
a little five. We'll ask our guests about that. Yes. Real quick. I'm gonna mute my
hand. I can ask you a question to text our guest. So I'm just gonna kind of cover this
is improv folks. I don't know if we have any suggestions. What are the people at home want
to hear about guns? Right. Jay Peter better not read Max Lips. Yeah. During my lips,
Jake Peter. I'm completely done with Jake Peter. He's faking it. It's obvious. I know
it's obvious to everybody. He was way too cool. He's when he scootered away on me when
I was so cool. All I did is make fun of him for being deaf. What's the wrong with it?
And yelling so mad. Um, as he's yeah, yeah, I was yelling at him. I hope that you don't
hear a heartbeat. But that looks so cool. Like I won't ever forget that. Honestly, lean back.
Oh, yeah. You wrote that. Aren't you skinny? Fat Joe? No, but I'm gaining weight. And so
I'm Leo fat Joe last night. I'm lean Mac. I'm lean Mac. Nice. Thanks, man. It was worth
it. Are you guys still down to be security at the gazelles? No, no, not your pension.
I thought you already had other people. We kind of said right away. We're not really
down. John wouldn't do it. No. Oh, no one wants to be your lack. I see more of I see
myself more as a main character. Yeah, I know that's only for the only for the entrance.
I'm kind of my own shredder. I have my own foot clan. Yeah, foot fed is one of them.
Yeah. I guess I guess any Adam and Eve, not Adam and feet, folks. Well, we don't know
if there's still a threat of my wife or not. Yeah, it is on. We don't know if they them
are a threat on your life. I feel like if he's still trying to find you, he's probably
pretty bad. Okay, sorry. Yeah, Zach. They're still trying to find you. So you know, Zach
Oh used to be a woman. No, and then transitioned and used to way too much testosterone. Way
too much. Well, I hate to say this, Mac, but I'm officially on Zach. Oh, so I didn't realize
he they them is a brave no, no, you hate. I love LGBT. I know, but you don't know. I
love LGBT. I know you do. But I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like
that. LGBT is my favorite. But you don't like F2M. I know that. I don't like that. That's
true. I only like Zach pulled it off. I think Zach started at a young age. I go. I go where
all the bitches they're transitioning. I guess they're at the laugh factory. What? Yeah,
there's no bitches anymore. They're all FTM. That's true. Now you can be like a hackle
like you can transition to become a man and still be a bitch. Yeah, that's true. Like
Ren. Oh, he is kind of like a rent. He's like rent mixed with red. It's even Stevens. He
should like catch up on the show. Yeah, I watched. We use the homework for I got OCD
so I can only watch odd Stevens. Nice. Oh, yeah, show. That's a dull internet show.
Yeah, even which one do you hate odd or even even? You know, I actually like even now.
You would think that it's actually more open minded. I'm trying to be it's really difficult.
Every text I send, I want to send odd number of words and I would think this doesn't mean
anything. I would think that even numbers seem more clean and like concise. Yeah, symmetrical
he said. But then it's like I'm just kind of an odd guy. Ball. Yeah. It's almost like
even is even is odd is more fitting for you. Yeah, even is even the symmetry. Like even
is like your classic Steven, like a guy named Steven, like a normal guy who likes a door.
Yeah, you should have a counterpart named odd Todd. Even Steven and odd Todd. Even Steven
Hofstetter. Yeah, maybe an odd dog. Oh, his grandma and mom's got to Google or talk more
about that. Shout out to Steven Hofstetter's mom. If you want to directly contact his mom,
he has Google analytics set up so that her mom gets a message about every Steve Hofstetter
thing. Everyone wants to say something to Steve Hofstetter's mom. All you gotta do is
tag him guys. Literally Stephen Hofstetter told me this over DM. I was like, how did
your he said his kids were terrified for his life? His family is worried about him. And
then I was like, why would I wonder if I wonder why he's like your family? I wonder if he's
a narcissist the way he talks about how everyone in his life is just so worried about him and
everything he does. I look adopting that mindset though, because sometimes I get in my head
and I think Jason would just tell me that no, no one's thinking about that at all. No one's
thinking about you at all. Yeah. And I think you know what that is actually comforting
for a narcissist to think that but someone like Haco or that guy talking about Oh, I'm
scared trying to use as a tactic. It's like, okay, that doesn't help your case to act
out scared like you think Zelensky, I'm scared. Yeah, no, no, he thought that's a weak leader.
That's a he did a dumb thing in the world. Yeah, I'm scared. I'm scary. Yeah, no shit.
I'm scary. You're scary in the way that the black people say, but I like odd numbers,
folks. It's like, I've been looking up a lot Lucifer saying stuff on Twitter or kind of
pops up for me lately. My ex account is bad. He is six letters, bad. He is six letters.
Jerk is four letters. This is number 10. I recently number. Oh, so I've recently started
worshiping the pagan god Bathomat. Oh, yeah. Bathmat. It's like I hate a wet kitchen or
bathroom. God damn it. Bathomat. Yeah. So when you got to shower, you don't get water
on the floor. I worship that guy. No, and it's just, you know, you don't want a bunch
of mold, you know, kind of possible in your bathroom. So just get a bath mat and worship
Lord Bathomat. Kind of run the air thing after you take a shower unless you want the
bath of mat to haunt you. That'd be kind of cool to be a diplomat speaking of mats. Yeah,
speaking of mats, a diplomat, diplomat. You know, the music artist Diplo, his real name
is Matt. That's why he goes by Diplo. Yeah. He's also a book in the Bible. There are
so many places I could really be pushing more merchandise based on their names that they
would. Well, just like the Hack Lives Matter t-shirt make no Diplo mat. They should make
mats. Yeah, I was talking about, I don't know, maybe, you know, sometimes people log information
Diplo. Diplo mat. Yeah. We're selling Diplo mats. Diplo. There's a huge market for it.
No, yeah, we'll sell bath mats to say Diplo on it. It has like Diplo's official logo.
No, and it's really just like if anyone, you know, you need a mat sometimes. And so you
get to buy ours are going to go to the store and buy one for way cheaper. Exactly. And
support the sweatshops that made them support our sweatshops. Yeah. Hey, maybe sweatshops,
but there are sweatshops and pork chops, a sweatshirt or pork chops. Yeah. My gym is
a sweatshop. Jiminy Christmas. Oh, nice. That would be cool to open a gym called the sweatshop.
Honestly, no, that's like a great idea. Exactly. Another pond. And then you go in there and
you work out by like building like small plastic like like bullshit. I like that. There's
got to be a place like iPads. There's going to be a place like North Bar that's open
mics every every night. And it's the comedy gym. The comedy gym is a good idea to but
not Jim from North Park. He can't go has. Yeah, no Jim's alarm. G Y M. Because we don't
want to smell like milk breath. Fielder. Whatever happened that guy is he dead. I think so.
Yeah, I'd like to sketch like it was just about moving the movement and they're like
they hire people to move people. But they would be like move their stuff for them. But it
was a workout. Oh, yeah, a sweatshop where you assemble Matt, you know, bath mats or
t shirts. Yeah. Yeah. And it's probably it's probably pretty sweaty in a sweat shop. Do
you think it ever gets slippery? Do you think they have to like dry the floors?
Mm hmm. I saw Peyton Manning in a sketch yesterday. They probably have to make some mats for the
floor. Maybe the maybe the rich people running the sweatshops just use that as the their
saw another steam room. Oh yeah. You walk out of the locker room. No, let me check your
bag. There better not be one of the bath mats in there. But the yeah, what they do is after
they lift they hop in the jacuzzi and then they walk in their sweatshop for a nice steam
steam and sweat. Yeah. I like that video. Take a cold shower. toxins. Kim Kardashian
and Kanye were chatting one time and she was like we don't have a jacuzzi and then he
didn't impression over. I thought he said we don't have a jacuzzi. I'm in a jacuzzi.
I saw a recent clip of Kim going, I hate it when my kids go over to Kanye. They think
that Kanye's so great because he cooks his own food and they get to cook with him. He's
a little apartment. Kids think that's so cool. Yeah, it's like the other soccer. He just
like it sounds like Connie just lives like a normal person. Yeah. And those are the things
that make them cool. And it makes it makes their kids like him more. No, I'm also he
has like something to offer. Even if it's even if he's going insane now, like he's still
like he made things that are something. Oh, he's my parents got divorced. I saw mom couldn't
like compete just because my dad lived like over a bar. And then it's like he'd have a
restaurant there. But then also there's the coziness of just like, you know, it's like
a slumber party or something. Yeah. Well, it turns out what kids really want from their
parents is love and affection, not a giant house. I'm all the bullshit hanging out with
your dad and cooking is probably way better than fucking whatever you're doing with Kim
Kardashian. I wanted things, but I love watching the Kardashians with my girl to see the kids
when they're like Kanye and not like Kim and it pisses Kim off. They're oldest North
she in one episode. I'm not lying when I say this North. North is their oldest kid. She's
eating an onion raw like an apple. I'm like, I'm like, that's the Kanye West jeans right
there. Yeah, that's some and rotation. Right? Yeah, dude. That's some and rotation. No,
I've seen clips of North like snapping back at Kim sometimes. I'm like, she just dropped
a North bar. She's in a movie makeup too. Yeah. She do like make herself like a look
like a zombie. It's like part of the what he said he liked about like Kim. I remember
someone asked like, what do you love about her? Like, and he was just like her genetics
or something basically just saying like, she's like the product of like, I could see everything
he loved about Kim was really about him and how he looked with her. Yeah, I watched those
interviews.
What are the kids look like?
Him.
Are they dark skinned?
They're dark skinned. They're makes looking some of them are like, they look different
from each other.
It is she's act like she's like, technically fully white, right? She's just she's our
minion or something. Like sir, their dad is like, their dad is like, maybe four or half
for me, right? And then Kris Jenner is completely white. Yeah. And so he thinks like, Oh, those
two people put together. And then they made her. Yeah, our minions are light skinned.
So it's like, they're just like a little, they're like a little Arab, whatever that
is. Yeah. Well, they're right by Turkey. Yeah. And Turkey likes to attack them. Genocide.
Yeah, there's a big genocide. And then the lead singer system of Downsir just doesn't
like that.
And then the way they escaped the genocide is by doing lip injections. Yeah. And they
get metal music. Yeah, they did Botox. So they wouldn't be able to tell them apart from
each other.
It's a camouflaging device. All their faces look exactly the same. You know, it's funny
to see just like complete people that are just they're only trying to look like him.
Yeah, on Instagram or something or Kylie. It's like everybody who gets cosmetic surgery
is like they get they're all looking the same as each other. Yeah, it's like sort of like
you're you're getting into one family. Like you have the resembling like you look like
each other.
No, it's like hard to blame. But it's like sometimes when people, you know, I don't like
to go with the social norms. I want to be myself. But then I think, you know, maybe I should
just, you know, do these things everyone else is doing kind of blend in, be more relatable.
But that's why I'm a failure.
Yeah, you suck. I always resist the social norms. Everyone's talking about it. Yeah,
we've been talking about how I've been talking to a lot of people and we've been saying,
we're not going to book you.
Yeah, it seems like kind of, you know, knowing really, we said, I don't know what to do about
it. How do I make myself?
There you go. It was that fucking real. That was the last straw straw. He's done. I'm gonna
make that one phone call that breaks the camera. I'm gonna root. Yeah, you're ruined in this
town, buddy.
Yeah, I figure if I make like 12 more than people will be like, okay, it's just a bit.
I think
Well, what I do is I do whatever you want and nobody will care. Yeah. And that's the beauty
of the pain. Beauty and the pain. I do stuff. That's a good name for an album. I do stuff
that people hate and then I continue to do it and they hate it. They keep hating it and
then eventually they like it. Yeah. That's my you wear them down. It's kind of yeah.
It's like a kidnapping them or something. Yeah, it's a Stockholm syndrome is what I
do. It's Stockholm syndrome. I don't have to make the audience. I literally put them
in captive and then torture them until they love me.
Wait a second. What's your great big fat woman? Actually, that happened to me the other day.
I was in a well. Yeah. And they the Zachary through me in there. Really? What? Yeah, he
found me. Then he showed you his FTM genital situation. Part of that part of it. But would
you fuck me?
But he lowered down, lowered down some lotion and he said it puts a lotion on the skin or
else it gets the hose again. I was like, I'll take the hose. I love hose. So and you were
lotioned up. But no, that I didn't put the lotion on them. So then I was ashier. I remember
I was first spinoff in 911. I remember Zach had me in a while and I go, Hey, man, I didn't
even make a video. Why are you doing this? I said, Well, well, and then the police came
to his door and they go, Is Jason here? And he goes, I don't even know who that is. Wait
a second. Is that a great big fat guy? I do want to do some like big, big fat guy comedy
I've been working on. I legit have a new fact. I have a couple of fat guy bits. It's not.
It is unique. Okay. I love Chris Higgins is top bit. I was going well, well, well. Well,
well, well, oh, it's about well. He says, No, he says, I want to be rich enough to the
point where I can say, so you turn around in a in a like an office chair and say, Well,
well, I remember it is kind of funny. I remember when he was I think it's funny. You do. So
because this is a public episode. I've never talked about Chris Higgins on here. No, I
feel like you'd be an advocate like it's like when you when you have such a horrible base
of the average comic here, anyone who's okay kind of really stands out. Yeah. Chris, it's
such a bad pool. Chris told me not not to go down the road of having beef with people
like Bob Keen. Who? Yeah. When did he tell you this a while back? Not really. Does echo.
No, no, no. He's like, because that's all Bob Keen is is a beef comic. And then I that's
not what he thinks. He thinks he's a real comic. And then he takes himself so fucking
seriously. And I was like, that's hilarious. I was like, people see him that way. And then
I was like, Yeah, I'll definitely yeah, I'll do that for sure. Not. No, I mean, I mean,
I've done I've got through comedy without listening to anybody that ever gave me advice.
Yeah, I don't really listen to any comedy or have like a justified opinion about it.
I don't listen to any standard. I don't watch any standoff specials on TV or anything. Yeah.
I don't I don't want to get like influenced by other people's comedy. So I don't watch
it and said I'll listen to like a podcast about the psychology of somebody who kills
their own kids. Exactly. And then unfortunately, that's been influencing my style and nobody
likes me.
Well, it's tough. I know it's like how Nick Mullin, this is a bad comedy podcast. Yeah,
yeah, too much. I thought about do I have to become like a happier guy for people to
love me? No, the clubs could love me someday. I have to do a lot of self work to really
change. I want to write that down for myself. Do I have to become a happier guy for people
to love me? Honestly, like if I'm not loveable for my therapist, that is such a weird question.
I just think it was Lee Tanner. We should bring out now. You can be lovable on stage
when you when you have random pops of emotion. Yeah, but that's the problem is random. Yeah,
I know. But you need to chill out. You need to chill out. You're doing fine. Yeah, you
were doing great. You're doing great. We have a show about comedy bar coming up. That's
really cool. Is very you should focus on like the cool shit we have going on when you feel
like crazy because it does it everybody doing comedy goes crazy all the time. I don't know.
I was bummed out last night like I barely like worked on my like we have a new song
coming out soon. No spoilers. But I have to focus on the projects that I can control.
That's the beauty of comedy. Yeah, no one can stop me except for Mac and Jason. But
that's a better gatekeeper than people that don't even look at my email. I'm not loveable.
And dude, it's just like you should just do cool shit and then get some people to like
you and then that's all that at the end of the day, all the people at these venues care
about is tickets and shit. Yeah. So they really you can fucking things. You remember that a
guy from 70 show who just went to jail for doing bad stuff to women right when he was
getting accused of all that he came to Chicago and headlined the last factory and sold it
out. Yeah. And there was a bunch of comedians like protesting online like don't open for
this guy. And I remember Chris and Jimmy was one of them. And when this guy went to jail,
Kristen shared her post from that time that was like you guys are foolish for involving
yourself with this guy because he's obviously a bad person. She might have been honest because
like, but then it's like anyone lower level would be like jumping on it. Like I love that
70 show. I don't really know what he did. Yeah. Well, no, I mean, everyone was talking
about it was one like the news first broke that he was getting accused of all this stuff.
See I need to be more what's Ashton Kutcher's character.
No, we need the one where he writes he does a video to apologize. I have some for you
to listen to listen. So it's a perfect quote. It's hated or love it underdogs on top. Yeah,
I'm a shine homey until my heart stops. So I don't want to be an underdog. That's a great
example. But you are underdog. We all we're all underdogs currently and 50 cent start
abuse with that. I love it. So whether we're a little or hateable under either way underdogs
aren't going to be on top. He was the guy who started the whole rumor that Floyd Mayweather
can't read. He was like the first person to really push that narrative funny. Yeah, he's
been posting funny pissing off. He said he's he's he's level five. He did a joke. He came
out of the hot. He said I just got out of the hospital this morning. I listened to Fat
Joe's album. 50 son fucking. Yes, 50 cent. His music is really level five. But his it's
okay. It is not this bad boy. At least there's not a machete sitting on it. Luckily, we got
the machete down from the fell right to do when this thing falls and explodes. It's
going to be awesome. Yeah, it's going to be like symbolic and the horses are going to
escape from the frame. It's going to be like the Indian undercover. That'd be awesome. No
but no. Native American. My bad. I love it's like the van from India in the cupboard. I
love beef. I love shit talk thing. I think it's one of the things that resonates with
people the most. What's beef? Yeah, what's for dinner to guess to go to sleep? Yeah,
that's all it is. But I just think like I watched too much UFC people talking shit to
each other and then yeah, I think you know what? I can't play a cookie cutter guy. I'm
never going to beat the real cookie cutters. No, you can be like Burkard if you want. I
have to do is drink and do cocaine for me. It's okay. Okay. If you could do more than
him, you win. No, I could never be that love again. That's a joke. I could never be something.
No, I was joking. You don't want to be him. No, but I just I feel like if it was me pretending
to be like something I'm not versus someone who's way better at pretending to be something
they're not, I'm never going to beat them. You should have more look like there are people
who don't pretend there's something they're not in our successful. You don't have to pretend
actually some of the most successful people are like that. Probably the most probably
the people who get remembered by history are it's always just been a thing like there's
not a lot of phonies who go down as like the best of all time. Yeah, like Louis CK isn't
like a except Carlisle and see a comic looking guy, but then you like learn how to think
he's the best anymore. He's like been erased. He's the best, but he rules. Yeah. Yeah. Louis
still figures out what he has to say before and I actually did watch Carlisle and see
his new special. He came out with a new special on to be free free network. Oh boy. It's not
bad. Does he look like he's depressed? No, he loves doing stand up dude. Like life has
weathered his Instagram videos. If you're on the verge of like like being really depressed,
do not watch his Instagram. It's so depressed. Who told me the story about him crying on stage?
Oh, I don't know. Dude, everything that they went to. They went over guests of this. He
got someone got a free ticket to him and see a show and he like broke down and try on stage
to see what's happening. That's like free to he gets my whole Instagram is just it's like
morbid facts and stuff. I'm like, why is it recommending only like it keeps showing me
stuff from 9 11 all the time. I wonder why this is the only journalist who got killed
recording 9 11. I'm like, why is this in my for you? I don't really know what's in my
feed because I only produce only make content. You're just a content creator. You're not
even a consumer. I'm kind of like James Azhar. Yeah, mine's all mentally challenged people
screeching. Yeah, which is a lot. I have to wear headphones when I open the app. The
only thing I consume is our own content from my other from my other profiles. Yeah. You
know what? I was I was watching a Kodak black interview and they go what music you've been
listening to lately and he said, I pretty much is listening to my own music. You're
like Kodak black. I saw him say it could never be a crack head because I'm a math head. I
don't know what that means, but I hope so. Have you ever seen his his his suburban? I'm
a suburban. He goes to a subway and he goes, I'm a suburban. He's like acting like a like
a like a like a like a white person from the suburbs. And then he calls the subway sandwiches
suburbers because it's what people from the suburban eat. I think Giovanni asked me what
podcasts I listened to. And I was like, I'll listen to bad comedy podcasts. I mean, it's
so funny. I just got that listening really sad. I'm gonna shout out to Lobo done. Yeah,
I have like 24 hours until I go into another year of not winning a Burby award. About 28
hours left and it's gonna be all one more year. It'd be funny if you on your deathbed,
you're like, and you're like a super successful comedian and all that. And you have your loved
ones around you. And, uh, and you say to your, you say to your daughter, my only regret is
that I never won a Burby. Yeah, it'd be funnier. No, what we way funnier is if, uh, is if you
who I did and then in your note, it was, you said it's because you didn't win the Burby.
No, that's kind of what I didn't win the Burby. I unsent some messages last night. I was thinking
like, I don't want to have to leave unsent some messages. Well, it's just some, you know,
so does that mean man? Well, it means like, you know, you say, highlight the message unsent.
I don't need to show this person. I think about that. What happened? It was just about
like people ignoring me and stuff. Oh, yeah. Like, I don't want to have to, you know, you
know, write a letter to these, leave them a letter. Yeah. I want to like leave a note
address to like these like four people that keep ignoring me. You don't have to tell how
much it means to me. They're holding my career back and what I could become someday. Are
you talking about us? No, no, don't worry. You guys, I saw you send us some manic messages
last night and I was way too tired to respond. It's okay. I was asleep. So I just said, you
can be like Burkhoedler. Dylan, I was saying to Mac before you got here that I felt bad
for you because you're just having the same thoughts every comedian I know has. Yeah.
But you're so mentally ill. It's going to ruin your life. I know. It kind of already has
an, I don't have those cells. Yeah. Mac doesn't have them, but then it's also like, I don't
know. But sometimes I know it's like even the people who get booked a lot are like,
they have somebody in their head who gets booked more than them or they're, you know,
like I used to know this guy who was, he told me that when he was little, his dad used to beat
him if he wouldn't win it like school sports. Yeah. So he had this rage he would get whenever he
wasn't like liked by everybody and he would headline a lot of local shows. But then if
we didn't have him headline our show and he sent me like a thousand messages about not having,
he's like, I need to headline your show. Jeff, Jeff, it was a show in a comic book shop that
didn't pay. But you needed the stage time. He needed the clout. Oh, he needed the like, you
have this guy headline. Why would you have this guy headline and not me like that kind of thing?
You know that Jeff Asmus, he had lined it. It was like a Catholic kth grade school. Oh,
what? Yeah. He had lined up. He lined him up and was it hard to see him from 500 feet away
in their gym? Yeah. I think he did. I think he took one of the kids home as payment.
What? He got paid in children. Yeah. So yeah, I get paid in smelling salts. Yeah. People get.
He said, I only take payment in my child to my choice. I thought when he did, I thought when
he did those shows for elementary students, they had to get a titantron because he'd had
to be 500 feet away from all the kids. Yeah. So they had to watch him on the, you know, like a
stadium. Yeah. What are those called? They'd have to leave the first hundred rows sold, you know.
Yeah. What are those things called? Titan. I think it's just called that. No, John will know.
The titantron. You want me to look at it? Jumbotron. Jumbotron. Come on.
Titan. Tron. Jumbotron. Is that really the two words for it? Jumbotron is the main word for it.
The big screen thing. Maybe the titantron is like the, I wonder if Titan Tron is a brand name.
Maybe, or maybe it's like the new evolutionized versions of it. The Heaven Stadium. Yeah.
The stadium. I'd be hating them. I'm just wondering if you guys think of how am I
shooting myself in the foot the most? Like am I too sketchy looking? You're not shooting
yourself in the foot. You're doing great. I have to be doing something wrong. No.
You're not. You're not. It's just, but then it fucks with my head so much because it's like.
It's like, you know, I want to talk about this. If it's boring, but yeah. It's just,
you're just not doing anything wrong. There's nothing you could do that's right or wrong.
It's just like a series of lucky guesses. Yeah. You know what I mean? That some people are lucky,
but as long as you keep going and do, this is the gay thing that everyone says, but it's like,
if you keep going and doing everything, you might be one of the lucky ones. Yeah. That's,
that's all you can do. That makes sense. There's nothing that you could do wrong.
But the short term, I mean, if you did something like, like you, if you like did some kind of
transgression, like a crime on a woman or something, those things will hinder your career.
So as long as you, so that's what you have to do to do something wrong. That's why I wonder
Shane Gillis got canceled off of SNL and now he's bigger than ever. Yeah. And I don't want to get
can't. I mean, I want to get canceled, but I don't want to. Tony Hinchcliffe, who I don't even think
is that funny got canceled in that, that Chinese thing. Remember he made Chinese jokes about a
comic that blew up kill Tony, which was already blowing up, which also blew up Hans Kim. And
then now Hans Kim gets to headline Zainis because Tony Hinchcliffe wanted an Asian to open for
a lot of things just happened. It's like complete bullshit. You just got to keep
position all in, keep getting better. You're good. The long run. It's the, it's a marathon,
they say. Yeah. Yeah. Not I just look at the people I know who were successful. I want to do
what they did. Like the people who I like, you know, I love, I love talking about comedy. Okay.
On a comedy podcast. This is not comedy. This is not a bad comedy. Yeah. It's not Aaron City Bank.
So you should be happy. We don't tell debit cards here. Yeah. I love comedy. I only watch the
I try and emulate the thing is you pick a comedian to look up to you emulate them. Me,
I got a jalapeno on a stick. Whenever I get a pizza, I think about the pepper thing you said about
I'm getting all my vitamins from the yeah pepper that comes with the Papa John's that
be a vegetable. I'm telling you, they say get it from real food. It's not a multi item and it's
I feel like that joke is weirdly it doesn't like hit. It's not like a crusher. Like it's a thinker.
I don't know why it's like a thing. It is a crusher. It's like a thinker. It's gonna have a
good time as long as it's set up as worded right. That's perfect. It's a fucking setup. No, but I
love that's like there's probably only like one or two actual vitamins in it and stuff too.
Honestly, my arms have been getting tingly. What does that mean? I feel just randomly.
It's that's your feet. You get tingly feet. No, but I'm I'm afraid of the legs are fall asleep.
Why did you take a shit because I was to me when I'm playing spider solitaire on my phone. Yeah,
I just slapped my legs and I try to I go ironically I'm playing spider solitaire. The
things got eight legs. I got no legs. Yeah. Yeah. Even if my arms were legs, I got spider.
Yeah, but it's only two. No, like it freaks is like a free. We should watch that movie with
John Hickok. Review it. Yeah, you should do movie reviews. I still haven't watched Wild Hogs. Oh,
man. He watched that. I legit have been getting into writing movie reviews. I'm on a website
and nobody knows I'm doing this, but I've been watching movies and writing. Oh, and I they get
zero likes. No, I've literally written like maybe a hundred reviews or something. Dylan, I have an
idea. So if you ever find yourself like manic or spiraling or something, just watch Wild Hogs.
Okay. And then that'll set you straight. It'll be like my mom. It won't trigger you. It's a movie
about men who feel like they're past their prime and have looked up to their dreams. No, but then
they do. No, in the end, they end up beating Ray Leota's gang. Yeah, they do. Yeah. Which is
the Xeco's gang. I just realized that. Yeah. It's chantix. He's also in Fast and Furious one. I just
watched. I like watching all these things about, you know, like good versus evil or just like
USC or pro wrestling. And then it'll be like, there's no really they don't. There aren't very
many heels in comedy. Oh, yeah, there are. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I only know about a couple of you got
three in this room. Like am I trying to do a lane that doesn't even exist? No, there's tons of them.
And it's also situational just like wrestling. Like sometimes you're the heel. Sometimes you're
the baby face. Well, my goal is to make Chicago the most violent scene. I want that to be our
thing. So like there's like there's the crowd work people in their shoes and LA. There's the
good writers and well, in Vegas, classically good stand up here. I want it to be violent. I want it
to be faction to need gangs in different ways to jokes and physical just hand to hand combat
and combat threats like death threats and more death threats. Death. Well, Brandon, Brandon
Chobb's coming to town. We could challenge him to a fight. Yeah. He already come through. He's
doing comedy bar. Mark challenged him to a motorcycle race. What? Yeah. And then he responded
and said, what do you ride? And Mark responded and then he didn't reply because he was scared.
Yeah, that's like what happened to when I was talking to Dean Cook. We should we should we
should try and us three versus Brandon Chobb in a fight. Yeah, because he has a you have he was
UFC. Yeah. So I think is that fair? Three of us for some. I think we'd probably lose. Yeah,
I think we would lose. We could try it. Well, we will challenge him. I'm in the worst shape of my
life and I had my head boasted open like two weeks ago. Yeah. Let me just want to punch it. It's
funny because your brain has been deteriorating and then you fell and broke your brain. Yeah.
I think some of it leaked out. Yeah. So the fear the fear of a brain is red. Some of it's pink.
That could be worse. So I saw this thing on X last night, formerly known as Twitter,
and it was about babies with all their spinal fluid goes to their head and
that's kind of does it make a Virginia sounds really everything on there that I see is
addicting and in bad. I don't I don't like spinal fluid and reminds me of when I got
spinal tab and they kept missing. Yeah, that's I like that movie spinal tap. Yeah, turn it to 11.
Yeah, I love people quote that. Let's close this one off. Folks, thanks for listening. And again,
for the amazing guest episodes, we had John Hickock, the gun expert coming up on next
for this next week. Patreon.com slash bad comedy. And we had a live show at comedy bar on January
10 on Jan 10. Jan 10. Jan 10. You're kind of in my way. Sorry. I'm Jan 10. Jan 10, which is
Jan 10. January 10. Not Juneteenth. It's my birthday. So you should come to the show and
give me a gift. Give me a gift. And it's I want some iTunes gift cards. I'll put the link on
YouTube and it'll be on. We'll put it on Spotify and on Patreon. And one of the spare gift cards
is go to our Instagram or get cards and even Instagram. And we get you gift cards. Come through,
man. Come see our show. It's going to be fucking tight. We really need to aggressively
tell people that they have to be there. I just want to take a lot of I had another idea. I'll
tell you about for the live show. Okay. All right. Dylan, do you have any plugs at comedy baddie?
And if you're not at comedy bar on January 10, the new Juneteenth, let's just, you know, let's
not go there. Let's go to comedy bar. What about you, Jason? Oh, yeah. Just just come to the
track. Just come to the comedy bar January 10. That's all I care about. Yeah. Yeah. That's about
a month away. Get your tickets. They're going to sell out. So get them soon. Follow me at Cool
Jason Macdon. And or at bad boy comedy. You have that? Jason Maclin. I have cool Macdon.
Macdon Melton. Me and my brother Jackson. We kind of would combine into a super person.
Jacqueline. Because we compliment each other skillsets. Sounds like a normal woman.
But it's a super person if you've ever seen a kicking and screaming. Well guys, thanks for
coming on. Hey, thanks for having us. Yeah, no problem. So this is a good time. I like this
podcast. Yeah. I like the low energy. Yeah, those are my favorite episodes, as I've always said.
And I like when people tell me after shows, yeah, I like how you have no energy and you're just kind
of like your thing is like, are you do you really talk that slow and we should call this episode.
Low self esteem episode. All right, folks. esteem. We'll esteem you next week. And we love you very
much. Hack lives matter.