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Hey everybody, welcome to a bad comedy podcast. My name is Mack and I'm here with Jason and

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Dylan. What's good? What is good? Right? So what is good? I don't know, man. I got this

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samurai. What is anything even good? This is anything even good anymore? Not not I turn

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on Cartoon Network. Guess what's on Tim and Eric? That's not a cartoon. I cartoon. What

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the hell does anyone have any morality? What about whatever? Whatever happened to call in

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something a Cartoon Network and then it's only cartoons. Dexter's love. Thank you. I

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was literally gonna say that. I'll say Dexter and DD. Thank you. Thank you. What's on the

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Disney Channel these days? Probably Tucker Carlson on the Disney Channel. I want even

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Stevens and beans. Give me give me goddamn Disney. We're still working on getting beans

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on the podcast. I don't want Ren. Fuck Ren. She's a bitch. Just Stimpy. Ren is the non cartoon.

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I'm not talking about that. Ren. I'm talking about the Ren that's even that's even Steven's

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sister. I never seen that show. I'd say even Stevens Louis Stevens. Yes, it's not even

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a genius. It's not even Steven. Yeah, I always thought his name was even. What are you guys

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even talking about? You sound like the children I date. Exactly. No, I was talking to a kid

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I was dating. If you want to learn about wiring, make sure to catch the video of this if you're

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listening on. I know an electrician. Yeah, so sometimes what the wires get crossed. What

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you got to do on cross them? You see that show the wire? Yeah, I love that show. You

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never seen it. I'm not an electrician. You kind of remind me of it. Tell me what you

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kind of remind me of Omar's boyfriend. I've never seen the show. I'm not an electrician.

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Yeah, I would try to show about wires. That's true. What am I going to watch? I was on

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mushrooms at power hour. Nice. Remember that you were there. I'm going to watch the top

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chef and my chef top chef bottom chef. Someone tried to introduce me to the plug. Like a

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drug dealer. Yeah, now but back then I was like, I'm not an electrician. I'm not a fix

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like plugs and sockets and stuff. I finished the plug. I got extra drugs. I was like, I

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don't want to meet. I don't want to meet a socket. Like a plug in thing. Yeah, sometimes

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people say I just really need a plug and I agree. We're talking about two different things.

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I love electricity. Plug my upcoming shows. The song plug walk is pretty good. By Rich

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the kid. Yeah, it's like his only song. I want to learn how to plug. It's kind of like

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King Louis living in Chicago. He hasn't stopped by yet for a switch shirt. He said we'll link

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up tomorrow. Wow. Never linked up. What the hell? Damn, dude. Well, he's a liar. Well,

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I keep them on close. Yeah. Maybe my girl went to the shed aquarium yesterday and we

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pet otters. Oh, really? Otters have the bite strength of a black bear. Really? They told

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us that eight times. Just because we kept on asking to pet them. They say how they have

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the cuteness. They're kind of like dogs of the water. Dogs of the sea. The way we got

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to pet them is they had them press their body up against a piece of plastic. They would

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feed it like they trained it to feed it fish while it presses the body. And then we go

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by and pet their little side of their body pressed against the glass. And then they

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go, these things are so hairy. That's how they stay warm in the cold water. You're touching

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millions of hairs in like a four inch. Oh, really? Yeah. I thought they were just like

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what are they? Arab? I thought they had like a like hippo type of skin or something like

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that. No, no, no. Like, you know what the skin I was talking about? The six skin. I

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learned this at the aquarium yesterday, but animals stay warm with either fur, feathers

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or blubber or boots with the fur. Some of the yeah, so they keep their feet warm. How

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about how about boots with the blubber? I like that. I think the reason that guy kept

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bringing up black bears was to relate to your girlfriend. What? I think you thought that

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that would be like a thing. She would understand more. Yeah, she was like nodding. She was

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like, Oh, mine. It's yours. She was like, Oh, blubber. I feel like that's how Michael

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Cooper's girlfriend is. She's like all three. He dates freaks of nature. Yeah. It's perverse.

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He dates God's rejects. And when I was in Savannah, we went to this fair. We had drunk

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into this like fair with like rides and stuff. And they had a tent for like the world's smallest

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woman. I didn't pay and see, but I think it was just a really small woman. That sounds

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awesome. I want to, I wish you would have could tell us what that was. What a, what

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a dick tease. Adam Gilbert sister. Smallest woman, baby, tiny thick. She lived in a die.

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She lived in a diorama. Super tiny thick ones. I would suck to be one of God's rejects. You

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have the God's favorite T shirt. Yeah. Yeah. But I like, I like the devil's rejects. I

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tell you, I was wearing my God's favorite, my God's favorite, my white God's favorite

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T shirt when I broke up a fight between my brothers and got my head smashed open and went

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to the ER and they cleaned out the wound and the blood soaked through the whole shirt.

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The water and blood just soaked through the whole shirt. Walking by looking in my room

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and I was just sitting there bleeding from my head shirt is said God's favorite. You

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don't get to the front of the line is bullshit. But did you feel like no matter what happened

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to you, you were a hero that day. You saved the family in a way. Yeah. Yeah. So no matter

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what repercussions, no, well, no, I saved. Well, I don't know. I don't want to talk about

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my family. I don't have enough sunglasses to cover the tears. I respect Jesus. The Mexican

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guy. I did not know that. Yeah, he was like, I'm going to turn on the make the bread and

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the fish for everybody multiplying and now not turning the wine. Let me guess his name.

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Jesus. Yeah. I was thinking either Jesus or second guess Jorge. Beethoven was Jesus.

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You know Beethoven was black. Yeah. I like the podcast. Was it fat Beethoven? Yeah. That's

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why when they say Beethoven was deaf, they were actually saying like deaf comedy. I think

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that deaf. Yeah, that was he saying he was a deaf. He was the original deaf jam. Yeah,

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it was most of his fifth. Did most did Mozart have all of his senses or is he something

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he was he's retarded. No, he's probably genius. He was he wrote his first opera when he was

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five five years. So he was he was a normal guy. He was a genius. He was a savannah. He's

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a prodigy. He died when he was 30 from alcoholism. Really? He was poor and they put him in a

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pauper's grave. That's awesome. I want that. I remember that movie. I'm a day. Yeah, do

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you remember how it ends? No, they he's in like a bag and they throw him in the dirt.

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Yeah, they include the part his bear is gonna write this down. They're gonna write this

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down telling us an idea to do. No, I was just thinking he's to be in 30 boys. He had that

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weird cackle. He laughs in the movie. We are both 30 me and you. Yeah. When I was in high

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school, I was in orchestra and we would watch the movie on the day is every year. Really?

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Yeah, for four years. Oh, yeah, you also played the string bass. Yeah, but upright bass. You

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call it the upright bass. Santal was watching him a day is yeah, he does. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

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Citizens brigade. I was talking to somebody and they go what's that instrument called

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I go it's called the bass. They're like but it's different than the other base. Mm hmm.

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I was yeah, well, there's an electric bass and there's a bass guitar. It's the upright

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called the double bass or the contra base. There's a standing bass, upright bass, right

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right bass. No, it's cool. The string bass, but they all have strings. So I don't know

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why you keep saying that. So we're class we're classically trained trying to have a conversation

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here Mac about music. We're classically trained musicians. I was actually what I said was

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correct to. So I was adding to the conversation. Unfortunately, can we can we talk about wood

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winds? Yeah, let's go into woodwinds next. Oh, so now you want me to talk if you want

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to. Yeah, you got to you like you want to blow my skin flute. Nice. Yeah, it's a skin

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wind. Man, narrow class. I had so many riffs at when I was the mushroom guy at Power Hour,

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I had a riff about this guy plays. You were on fire. What did I have? I had something

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about somebody playing the pipe organ or something. But it was like to call them shitty. Yeah,

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get piped. Horgan skin. Maybe you should get that organ removed. What about Billy Corgan?

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You smoke. Morgan. I did. I told Stephen Curry. He was captain. He wanted to buy a pocket

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pussy and I said, I just don't like how they want you to keep it in your pocket all the

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time. Yeah. Can I keep this in a private place? I don't I feel uncomfortable having it on

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me. Is that a pocket pussy in your pocket? You should be coming. You should play the

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organ or play the keyboard with just the organ thing on and then you'll be called your musician

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and it'll be Captain organ. I like the. Yeah, I like playing with my organ. Yeah, you know,

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you know what you're going to talk about. I don't want to get demonetized. You know what

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I'm talking about right now. Talking about your flute. Music. You're just more like a

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little dog whistle. You know, Lizzo plays the flute. Is that right? Yeah. I don't have

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a joke. I hate it. He plays with that flute. It pisses me off. John of the Davis plays

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bagpipes. Actually, really? He does it on stage. So we're good. Yeah, I play get the bagpipes

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with me and Migos. Hell yeah. Always get in the bagpipes. You fumble it. No, I get

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the bag. I flip it. I get the bagpipes and I flip it. I know you get the bagpipes and

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you know, I get the bagpipes and I flip it and tumble it. I get the bagpipes. I flip

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it and tumble it. You know, Scott, which one of us fumbles it and which one? Who's the

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bagpipes and and and tumbles it? I don't know. I mean, Jason's classically trained musician.

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I'm going to have to go. Yeah, but I'm more of a I'm more of a rap expert, even though

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he thinks he is. So the bag and then he got the pipe. I didn't. Who does the bagpipes?

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It's Scotland. Darling. Scotland. Darling. Yeah, that's maybe the worst culture of all

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times. Like Scottish that are knowing the worst musical instrument. The men wear. Yeah,

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the food is gross. Yeah. The men wear these skirts that are like awful. Yeah, they're

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not even like hot ass mini skirts. I do kill me. I'm not a skirt. Their accent is off

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pudding, but I like it. Their accent. Yeah. Like their accent is terrible, but I like

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it a lot. Fucking eat a baby. I think that's why I love Scottish culture because it's all

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the worst stuff. It's fat bastard. Yeah, that's like they're claim. Yeah. Yeah. Has Scotland

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done anything good at all? It's like maybe the worst country. They don't have anybody

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like at least Ireland has like Connor McGregor. Well, yeah, one guy who's cool from Scotland

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and my uncle Duncan. What's he cool? Why is he cool? He's a gymnast at one point. Okay.

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Well, that's I don't like that idea of him doing cartwheels on a skirt. If you're child,

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no wonder just fucking ruining you some children's lives. I remember back in the day and wrestling,

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they'd try to get us to do cartwheels and stuff and they'd have all these weird things. I'm

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just like, uh, this isn't for me. That's gay. I'm a heavyweight. I don't know if you've

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ever seen that movie. Heavyweights. What weight class did you wrestle? Heavyweight. What is

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that? What was that? That's 285 pounds. And then it was like it was 285. Yeah, but the

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gap was 197. 197 was the next one down. Oh, it's just like they just said all these guys

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are all in the same. Yeah. If you're 197.1, all right. Yeah. All right. I'm sorry. I

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understand. I wrestled that too. Really? I weighed. I was never that big. When I was

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in a freshman year, I wrestled heavyweight and it was 200 and up. Oh, exactly. And I

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weighed two, I weighed two 10. Yeah. So I wrestled guys who weighed 80 pounds more than

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me. Right now you'd probably have to wrestle obese weight. No, I'm not the top. I'm like,

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well, that's more, that's more, but that's something I wanted to bring up. That's like

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Dale. That's like Dale is morbid obese weight and then you're obese weight. I weigh 300

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pounds, I think.

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Dale's doctor says weight. We're gonna weigh you. I'm halfway to getting on TV to find

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out how much Jason weighs. Patreon.com slash bad comedy. We're gonna weigh him in between

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episodes. Yeah. Just consider me a bowl of marbles at the at the county fair. You guys

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got to guess my weight. And then it'll be in the secrets here. We're gonna do some feet

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or a bowl of jelly beans, I should say. Oh, he also he finished the 15 lawnmower effects

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that are behind the secrets here right now. Is that true? Yeah. Fuck hell yeah. Yeah.

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If you want to give the secrets here, come on. Actually, I think I hid the secrets here.

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I think it's unpublished. Yeah, that's fine. It still exists. But the thing about being

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unpublished is good idea. That was not a good long term plan. We ran out of secrets after

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two weeks. And we're charging like five times what it costs. And the only person subscribed

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to it doesn't know anyone we were talking about. And it was on a drunk in Paul. I was sober.

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It was my idea was really pushing. No, but when we say when the patron that subscribe

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to it. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, he didn't even stay a patron. Really? Yeah. It

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was Hunter Hirsch. Oh, no, no, no. I was talking about the other guy from Denver, our

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friend from Denver. So we used fear and gossip as a way to make money.

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Hey, Tom, why don't you resubscribe if you want to get mentioned? I think I'm still

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subscribed to it. Tommy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for the subscriber. Oh, no, we said

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his name plenty of times. I know, but we didn't say that he's the guy who subscribed to the

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secrets to it doesn't matter. I feel like people stop listening once we talk talking

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about this shit, the patreon. I feel like people stop listening once you start talking

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about shit. Yeah, as a light heavyweight. You know, a lot better shape in a lot of the

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guys sometimes it's an advantage to be smaller and I was very mousy. What about being better

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to be in a heavy weight? There was two we had two guys who could even go in the heavyweight

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weight class in my school. And the other guy weighed like two like 60 and I would like

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to ton and I would always beat him. Oh, yeah. He was terrible because he was just too big.

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Well, Dylan, he would try and fall on me and I just scoot out the way it was easy. Dylan

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was a heavyweight wrestler in college, but they had actually sent Jason to the heavyweights

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fat camp in college. No, I don't know if they did. I thought you were too old. I always did

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what I was weird though. You're supposed to be a counselor. Shout out to Ben Stiller

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in that movie. He crushed it. So that that that back at Pat, I don't remember that. He

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was like the lead counselor. He's a cool. Oh, yeah. He's a cool guy. Yeah. He was like

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team fat guy, but that was like based on I didn't always want when I was a kid, I watched

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that movie and I always wanted to go on that blob thing in the water. Oh, yeah. The blob

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dude. Yes. The blob rules. I love just like you lift up on the corners of the beds. There's

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a little trap like you open up. There's candy in there. Yeah. Yeah. In the middle of the

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woods, burgers in there in the little tree. Oh, yeah. Think about this. You want to hear

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the coolest scenario? Yes. So we got the blob. Okay. And then either either either

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mirror you're on it on one side and then Sorob and Jason and Dale all jump at the same time.

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You would land on another planet. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be awesome. Or Adam Gilbert. I'm

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one side of the gravitational pull. Yeah. I really have you had up any comics for the

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other live show? Not yet. We have to reveal anything. But I was going to say this after

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we get our wooden shoes and stuff, maybe we could do another go from me to get the blob.

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Yeah. What do you think? Yeah, I post that link. I know we now we got to get this one

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taken care of so that we could do another one for the blob. So we have a joint beekeeper

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outfit and what do you yeah, I'll put the link in the description guys, but we really

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need beekeeper outfits and wooden shoes. We're going to have to put the Patreon towards it

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instead of improving the podcast. We have been plateauing at $5 one donation. Yeah,

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it was a billionaire from somewhere. A secret billionaire donor donated us five bucks.

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I mean, it said anonymous. So it could have been the group anonymous. Yeah. The hacker

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group. That's crazy that they had donated us. It's like pretty woke and we were perfectly

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not woke. Well, we're trying to be we're trying to change our ways. So we should actually

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donate the blow fund me. Oh, yeah. It's important site. I certainly donated to as a blow job

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website. I've been watching a lot of that lately. I did on Monday to a similar one.

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It was getting blown at gunpoint blow gunpoint getting getting blown at gunpoint.com. So you

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donated to that. So you blew them at gunpoint. No, it was just a bunch of videos of people

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getting great for a good cause. It's for raise money for this kidding. It's not a website,

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folks. It most definitely is. We just don't know what it is. Well, it's not called that.

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That's not the actual exist. Yeah, there's definitely something online. Yeah. The internet's

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a dark place. Yeah, the dark. That's why we have Dylan internet here, folks. It certainly

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can be. I'm Dylan number one influencer, right? Of course. I got somebody told me about black

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Twitter where all the black people make jokes. And it's really funny, but I couldn't find

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it. I think it's on the dark web. Nice. You found it. Oh, yeah, that's where he steals

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all his jokes. I was working on some of my Instagram notes right now. It's his hack

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lives matter. And I thought maybe we can make a t shirt of that. But then Kurt Dunsing had

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another podcast improvement for us. And he said, tell Mac that he should make shirts

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that say Mac lives matter. Okay, we could maybe add that to the shop. That comedy.org. I think

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I was going to add that in my original in my zaka video, the pistol mop. I was gonna

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say hack lives matter, but I like that. Nice. I should have kept it in there. The whole

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thing is about keeping the award. Yeah, that's funny, though, you know, just sometimes there's

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a hack in this scene that you have to punish. Very easy hit him with a hacksaw. I was reading

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about these old, you get the song, you're hacking at the saw. That's what we say. Yeah.

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Yeah. That's what we say. We've been saying forever. We should sell hacksaw. We should

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really just start kind of doing Amazon. As you're talking about, I had this memory of

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me and my friend Luke going to buy a hacksaw. We built a chicken coop. I think it was to

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build a chicken coop or maybe it was for his bike. So you had to go find a hacksaw. We

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drove we went cracking jokes. We were living in the by Brian Crow. He's living in little

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village and like everything we did was like a big ordeal. Just because we all like did

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everything together. It was like a fret. It's super weird. Well, it's kind of simple life.

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Right. Yeah. I was like, I was texting Courtney. I was just like saying, okay, you just ask

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any of your roommates that they'll be on the podcast. If you think it's so funny, I was

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just a frat there. I said, I said, I can call it Lambda, Omega Lambda. It's a LL. Oh yeah.

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When you go to power hour, they're all there. They're all just like, they're making inside

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jokes with each other. Yeah. Just like how you woke up yesterday, right? But we are all

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there was messy. It's like a warning. You guys need to shut the fuck up. People get too clicky.

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I'll get too clicky. Oh, we're pretty clicky. Yeah. Yeah. Only we can be clicky. No, it's

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really pisses me off when you think these people are not on my side. Last time I was

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like, I was at that place. Are you saying you got fucking people will turn in on you?

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Yeah, someone might have switched up on me as soon as who? Well, when I was at Brandon's

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house last time, Tom Chang, I went to eat someone's fucking, I don't know what it was

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a tortilla wrap or something. Just some kind of like any we're just going through their

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fridge. What are you talking about? Just on the counter. I'm a guest and then all of a

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sudden, Ryder comes up and he says, Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Blah, blah,

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blah, blah. He smells awful. Yeah, you should have smelled because I think everyone is just

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mean there when they're there. They're just mean. It's just kind of the thing. No, but

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I told him you're funny parties. But then I saw a video of him eating Rovan's chicken

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that he made last night. Right. I just fucking. Okay, Ryder smells disgusting. Ryder was

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the drinker power hour yesterday and he he got so drunk he couldn't speak. But then he

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got on the drums and he killed it. Well, yeah, muscle memory. Literally, he's a zombie. His

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mouth sounded like dial up internet when he would talk and we get like really high and

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then really low like randomly. Oh, so embarrassed when I was playing the drums there. I had

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to go up and just bombed and then it was like, fuck, like now I'm back on the drums. It's

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a whole elephant in the room. No one's really thinking about no one's thinking about except

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for you. Nobody cares about a power hour. But it is just a nice thing. I was, you know,

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I did the mushroom thing. I was the drinker and did mushrooms and then I had a set at

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the end and I felt really bad about my set afterwards. You're on shrooms. But I was on

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the shrooms is hard, but I remember really hard to be there. Like I just had to like

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focus 100%. What happened? Me and Mack were like yelling jokes for you to do and it helps

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the beginning, but then you did it. Then you yelled crancel at me and I'm like, what am

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I supposed to say? You got offended that I wouldn't that you're like, Oh, I was helping

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you and now you don't want my help. It's like, well, what am I supposed to do with crancel?

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No, you can do you can just crancel jokes. I don't remember, but the first time you hear

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crancel, though, it's just kind of for folks that don't know it's when you invent a crayon

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pencil. You get crancel. That means you invented the crayon pencil. No, it's done yet. You

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didn't need. Well, I did once, but then I got I got cranceled and they I had to reinvent

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it. It's wrong. You're not supposed to teach kids that they make mistakes. I have the patent

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for the crancel. You do anybody else invented. I'll cancel. I'll crancel them. Yeah. I almost

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said cancel. Yeah. If you say cancel, we get so we monetize. That's why I use that code

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word last night. I said self cancel, which is the code word for something you we know

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what that means for a hide. I'm so rich. I'm trying to get demonetized. I got too much

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money. Which is like that's a lot of money. I've been trying to cancel for years. Yeah,

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I got too much money. I've been trying to get canceled. So I started comedy and it won't

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work. I only want to be around people that like me if I have no money and nothing to

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offer and have a lot of problems. Yeah, I cause them problems. And that's the people

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that you want to be. Yeah, dude. My issue is I'll put up with that. My issue is the pendulum

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keeps catching up to me. Every time I try to get ahead of it, it catches up to me and

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I have to get more and more offensive and do worse stuff. I said this at the previous

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podcast, but last night at power hour was even more worse. People are saying honestly,

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everything is gay now. People are saying the F slur openly. Oh my God. Like I'm like five

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years ago, you wouldn't be you would be not allowed to be doing any local comedy shows.

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If you said the F slur to Mike, yeah, I heard it so many times writers saying like black

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people steal. If you want to know that, guys, it's crazy. If you want to know what the F

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slur is, Patreon.com slash bad comedy. And we did want to talk about tea. We have a special

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video you can watch. It's called this is what the F slur is. Yeah. It's in 30 seconds

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long. Yeah. Well, I'm going to say in it five times. Yeah. Turns out he aged well. So Jason

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forgot his cut. He's his normal tea cup, but he is drinking cool steeper club green tea

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out of a Dunkin Donuts cup. Shout out to cool steeper club.com. Yeah. Shout out to our friends

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over at cool steeper club.com. The last minute gift for the holidays. Get your dad, your

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mom, they like tea. Yeah. Drop you. Do you know any British people? Yeah. Do you know

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any Brits? Get your friend a good tea. Everyone knows one Brit. Everyone knows a Brit. I don't

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think so. So we probably had. Yeah. So we kind of lose a bunch of people when we talk about

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the tea and then no. This is our sponsor. You sponsor it. Guy. You get free tea if you

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mention it. No. We get money. Yeah. We get money for everyone we sign up. So is that

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factored into the smelling soul? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing, Dylan? I

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don't know. You know we don't edit and we have to leave this in. Yeah. I'm sorry guys.

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Guys, cool steeper club. Remember it's the tea of the world like everyone says. The tea

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is good though. And you've had it right Dylan. It is good. Yeah. And all it's cool. You're

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not lying because rightly you actually like not no it has nothing to do with them giving

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me a smelling soul allotment. Is that from them? That's for me. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's

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where we realized we're getting paid in smelling and any proceeds from cool steeper club that

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comes to us. We donate to lower the incarceration rate of African Americans. How much do they

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give us? Because I feel like I don't know if I want to be politicized like this should

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be a question for off. Yeah. This is kind of an off. This is not only you question by

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the way. This is just an ad. You can be outvote. Okay. And then also brain spa if you want

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to wash your brain clean. Go to brain spot. Oh, FC on Instagram. If you guys are curious

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on you can go to my ex account. I was watching the video of a guy. He had three grenades.

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He dropped in like a Ukrainian some kind of like like council meeting or something. And

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that's kind of me. Yeah. It was like a couple days ago and he was just pissed off. They wouldn't

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change the budget. They were giving themselves bonuses and so he just dropped a few grenades

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in there. They said they're like level one grenades and there are five levels. I like

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a little five. We'll ask our guests about that. Yes. Real quick. I'm gonna mute my

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hand. I can ask you a question to text our guest. So I'm just gonna kind of cover this

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is improv folks. I don't know if we have any suggestions. What are the people at home want

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to hear about guns? Right. Jay Peter better not read Max Lips. Yeah. During my lips,

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Jake Peter. I'm completely done with Jake Peter. He's faking it. It's obvious. I know

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it's obvious to everybody. He was way too cool. He's when he scootered away on me when

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I was so cool. All I did is make fun of him for being deaf. What's the wrong with it?

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And yelling so mad. Um, as he's yeah, yeah, I was yelling at him. I hope that you don't

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hear a heartbeat. But that looks so cool. Like I won't ever forget that. Honestly, lean back.

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Oh, yeah. You wrote that. Aren't you skinny? Fat Joe? No, but I'm gaining weight. And so

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I'm Leo fat Joe last night. I'm lean Mac. I'm lean Mac. Nice. Thanks, man. It was worth

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it. Are you guys still down to be security at the gazelles? No, no, not your pension.

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I thought you already had other people. We kind of said right away. We're not really

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down. John wouldn't do it. No. Oh, no one wants to be your lack. I see more of I see

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myself more as a main character. Yeah, I know that's only for the only for the entrance.

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I'm kind of my own shredder. I have my own foot clan. Yeah, foot fed is one of them.

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Yeah. I guess I guess any Adam and Eve, not Adam and feet, folks. Well, we don't know

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if there's still a threat of my wife or not. Yeah, it is on. We don't know if they them

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are a threat on your life. I feel like if he's still trying to find you, he's probably

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pretty bad. Okay, sorry. Yeah, Zach. They're still trying to find you. So you know, Zach

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Oh used to be a woman. No, and then transitioned and used to way too much testosterone. Way

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too much. Well, I hate to say this, Mac, but I'm officially on Zach. Oh, so I didn't realize

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he they them is a brave no, no, you hate. I love LGBT. I know, but you don't know. I

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love LGBT. I know you do. But I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like

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that. LGBT is my favorite. But you don't like F2M. I know that. I don't like that. That's

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true. I only like Zach pulled it off. I think Zach started at a young age. I go. I go where

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all the bitches they're transitioning. I guess they're at the laugh factory. What? Yeah,

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there's no bitches anymore. They're all FTM. That's true. Now you can be like a hackle

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like you can transition to become a man and still be a bitch. Yeah, that's true. Like

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Ren. Oh, he is kind of like a rent. He's like rent mixed with red. It's even Stevens. He

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should like catch up on the show. Yeah, I watched. We use the homework for I got OCD

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so I can only watch odd Stevens. Nice. Oh, yeah, show. That's a dull internet show.

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Yeah, even which one do you hate odd or even even? You know, I actually like even now.

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You would think that it's actually more open minded. I'm trying to be it's really difficult.

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Every text I send, I want to send odd number of words and I would think this doesn't mean

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anything. I would think that even numbers seem more clean and like concise. Yeah, symmetrical

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he said. But then it's like I'm just kind of an odd guy. Ball. Yeah. It's almost like

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even is even is odd is more fitting for you. Yeah, even is even the symmetry. Like even

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is like your classic Steven, like a guy named Steven, like a normal guy who likes a door.

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Yeah, you should have a counterpart named odd Todd. Even Steven and odd Todd. Even Steven

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Hofstetter. Yeah, maybe an odd dog. Oh, his grandma and mom's got to Google or talk more

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about that. Shout out to Steven Hofstetter's mom. If you want to directly contact his mom,

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he has Google analytics set up so that her mom gets a message about every Steve Hofstetter

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thing. Everyone wants to say something to Steve Hofstetter's mom. All you gotta do is

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tag him guys. Literally Stephen Hofstetter told me this over DM. I was like, how did

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your he said his kids were terrified for his life? His family is worried about him. And

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then I was like, why would I wonder if I wonder why he's like your family? I wonder if he's

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a narcissist the way he talks about how everyone in his life is just so worried about him and

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everything he does. I look adopting that mindset though, because sometimes I get in my head

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and I think Jason would just tell me that no, no one's thinking about that at all. No one's

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thinking about you at all. Yeah. And I think you know what that is actually comforting

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for a narcissist to think that but someone like Haco or that guy talking about Oh, I'm

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scared trying to use as a tactic. It's like, okay, that doesn't help your case to act

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out scared like you think Zelensky, I'm scared. Yeah, no, no, he thought that's a weak leader.

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That's a he did a dumb thing in the world. Yeah, I'm scared. I'm scary. Yeah, no shit.

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I'm scary. You're scary in the way that the black people say, but I like odd numbers,

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folks. It's like, I've been looking up a lot Lucifer saying stuff on Twitter or kind of

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pops up for me lately. My ex account is bad. He is six letters, bad. He is six letters.

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Jerk is four letters. This is number 10. I recently number. Oh, so I've recently started

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worshiping the pagan god Bathomat. Oh, yeah. Bathmat. It's like I hate a wet kitchen or

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bathroom. God damn it. Bathomat. Yeah. So when you got to shower, you don't get water

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on the floor. I worship that guy. No, and it's just, you know, you don't want a bunch

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of mold, you know, kind of possible in your bathroom. So just get a bath mat and worship

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Lord Bathomat. Kind of run the air thing after you take a shower unless you want the

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bath of mat to haunt you. That'd be kind of cool to be a diplomat speaking of mats. Yeah,

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speaking of mats, a diplomat, diplomat. You know, the music artist Diplo, his real name

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is Matt. That's why he goes by Diplo. Yeah. He's also a book in the Bible. There are

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so many places I could really be pushing more merchandise based on their names that they

367
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:28,960
would. Well, just like the Hack Lives Matter t-shirt make no Diplo mat. They should make

368
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:35,160
mats. Yeah, I was talking about, I don't know, maybe, you know, sometimes people log information

369
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:44,360
Diplo. Diplo mat. Yeah. We're selling Diplo mats. Diplo. There's a huge market for it.

370
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:51,720
No, yeah, we'll sell bath mats to say Diplo on it. It has like Diplo's official logo.

371
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:56,880
No, and it's really just like if anyone, you know, you need a mat sometimes. And so you

372
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:03,240
get to buy ours are going to go to the store and buy one for way cheaper. Exactly. And

373
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:10,800
support the sweatshops that made them support our sweatshops. Yeah. Hey, maybe sweatshops,

374
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:17,600
but there are sweatshops and pork chops, a sweatshirt or pork chops. Yeah. My gym is

375
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:23,440
a sweatshop. Jiminy Christmas. Oh, nice. That would be cool to open a gym called the sweatshop.

376
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:27,520
Honestly, no, that's like a great idea. Exactly. Another pond. And then you go in there and

377
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:33,360
you work out by like building like small plastic like like bullshit. I like that. There's

378
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:37,680
got to be a place like iPads. There's going to be a place like North Bar that's open

379
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:42,720
mics every every night. And it's the comedy gym. The comedy gym is a good idea to but

380
00:34:42,720 --> 00:34:48,160
not Jim from North Park. He can't go has. Yeah, no Jim's alarm. G Y M. Because we don't

381
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:53,600
want to smell like milk breath. Fielder. Whatever happened that guy is he dead. I think so.

382
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:58,880
Yeah, I'd like to sketch like it was just about moving the movement and they're like

383
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:03,800
they hire people to move people. But they would be like move their stuff for them. But it

384
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:09,560
was a workout. Oh, yeah, a sweatshop where you assemble Matt, you know, bath mats or

385
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:18,640
t shirts. Yeah. Yeah. And it's probably it's probably pretty sweaty in a sweat shop. Do

386
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,440
you think it ever gets slippery? Do you think they have to like dry the floors?

387
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:26,920
Mm hmm. I saw Peyton Manning in a sketch yesterday. They probably have to make some mats for the

388
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:31,800
floor. Maybe the maybe the rich people running the sweatshops just use that as the their

389
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,760
saw another steam room. Oh yeah. You walk out of the locker room. No, let me check your

390
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,720
bag. There better not be one of the bath mats in there. But the yeah, what they do is after

391
00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:45,960
they lift they hop in the jacuzzi and then they walk in their sweatshop for a nice steam

392
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:51,160
steam and sweat. Yeah. I like that video. Take a cold shower. toxins. Kim Kardashian

393
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:56,280
and Kanye were chatting one time and she was like we don't have a jacuzzi and then he

394
00:35:56,280 --> 00:36:01,920
didn't impression over. I thought he said we don't have a jacuzzi. I'm in a jacuzzi.

395
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:07,400
I saw a recent clip of Kim going, I hate it when my kids go over to Kanye. They think

396
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:12,120
that Kanye's so great because he cooks his own food and they get to cook with him. He's

397
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:18,720
a little apartment. Kids think that's so cool. Yeah, it's like the other soccer. He just

398
00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:23,600
like it sounds like Connie just lives like a normal person. Yeah. And those are the things

399
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:27,920
that make them cool. And it makes it makes their kids like him more. No, I'm also he

400
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:32,400
has like something to offer. Even if it's even if he's going insane now, like he's still

401
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:38,760
like he made things that are something. Oh, he's my parents got divorced. I saw mom couldn't

402
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:44,680
like compete just because my dad lived like over a bar. And then it's like he'd have a

403
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:49,440
restaurant there. But then also there's the coziness of just like, you know, it's like

404
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:54,320
a slumber party or something. Yeah. Well, it turns out what kids really want from their

405
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:58,960
parents is love and affection, not a giant house. I'm all the bullshit hanging out with

406
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:02,200
your dad and cooking is probably way better than fucking whatever you're doing with Kim

407
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:08,280
Kardashian. I wanted things, but I love watching the Kardashians with my girl to see the kids

408
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:13,440
when they're like Kanye and not like Kim and it pisses Kim off. They're oldest North

409
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:18,880
she in one episode. I'm not lying when I say this North. North is their oldest kid. She's

410
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:24,920
eating an onion raw like an apple. I'm like, I'm like, that's the Kanye West jeans right

411
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:29,680
there. Yeah, that's some and rotation. Right? Yeah, dude. That's some and rotation. No,

412
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:34,960
I've seen clips of North like snapping back at Kim sometimes. I'm like, she just dropped

413
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:41,960
a North bar. She's in a movie makeup too. Yeah. She do like make herself like a look

414
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:47,880
like a zombie. It's like part of the what he said he liked about like Kim. I remember

415
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:51,880
someone asked like, what do you love about her? Like, and he was just like her genetics

416
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:56,560
or something basically just saying like, she's like the product of like, I could see everything

417
00:37:56,560 --> 00:38:01,000
he loved about Kim was really about him and how he looked with her. Yeah, I watched those

418
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,000
interviews.

419
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:05,320
What are the kids look like?

420
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:06,320
Him.

421
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:07,840
Are they dark skinned?

422
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:12,440
They're dark skinned. They're makes looking some of them are like, they look different

423
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:13,440
from each other.

424
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:18,400
It is she's act like she's like, technically fully white, right? She's just she's our

425
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:24,840
minion or something. Like sir, their dad is like, their dad is like, maybe four or half

426
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:31,080
for me, right? And then Kris Jenner is completely white. Yeah. And so he thinks like, Oh, those

427
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:36,240
two people put together. And then they made her. Yeah, our minions are light skinned.

428
00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:40,160
So it's like, they're just like a little, they're like a little Arab, whatever that

429
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:44,680
is. Yeah. Well, they're right by Turkey. Yeah. And Turkey likes to attack them. Genocide.

430
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:49,040
Yeah, there's a big genocide. And then the lead singer system of Downsir just doesn't

431
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,040
like that.

432
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:56,520
And then the way they escaped the genocide is by doing lip injections. Yeah. And they

433
00:38:56,520 --> 00:39:01,040
get metal music. Yeah, they did Botox. So they wouldn't be able to tell them apart from

434
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:02,040
each other.

435
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:06,720
It's a camouflaging device. All their faces look exactly the same. You know, it's funny

436
00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:11,160
to see just like complete people that are just they're only trying to look like him.

437
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:15,960
Yeah, on Instagram or something or Kylie. It's like everybody who gets cosmetic surgery

438
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:20,160
is like they get they're all looking the same as each other. Yeah, it's like sort of like

439
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:24,520
you're you're getting into one family. Like you have the resembling like you look like

440
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:25,520
each other.

441
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,960
No, it's like hard to blame. But it's like sometimes when people, you know, I don't like

442
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:35,360
to go with the social norms. I want to be myself. But then I think, you know, maybe I should

443
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:42,120
just, you know, do these things everyone else is doing kind of blend in, be more relatable.

444
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,440
But that's why I'm a failure.

445
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:50,320
Yeah, you suck. I always resist the social norms. Everyone's talking about it. Yeah,

446
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:54,200
we've been talking about how I've been talking to a lot of people and we've been saying,

447
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:55,200
we're not going to book you.

448
00:39:55,200 --> 00:40:01,080
Yeah, it seems like kind of, you know, knowing really, we said, I don't know what to do about

449
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:02,080
it. How do I make myself?

450
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:08,320
There you go. It was that fucking real. That was the last straw straw. He's done. I'm gonna

451
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:12,040
make that one phone call that breaks the camera. I'm gonna root. Yeah, you're ruined in this

452
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:13,040
town, buddy.

453
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:18,800
Yeah, I figure if I make like 12 more than people will be like, okay, it's just a bit.

454
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:19,800
I think

455
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:24,640
Well, what I do is I do whatever you want and nobody will care. Yeah. And that's the beauty

456
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:29,440
of the pain. Beauty and the pain. I do stuff. That's a good name for an album. I do stuff

457
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:33,000
that people hate and then I continue to do it and they hate it. They keep hating it and

458
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:38,080
then eventually they like it. Yeah. That's my you wear them down. It's kind of yeah.

459
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:45,120
It's like a kidnapping them or something. Yeah, it's a Stockholm syndrome is what I

460
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:51,200
do. It's Stockholm syndrome. I don't have to make the audience. I literally put them

461
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:55,480
in captive and then torture them until they love me.

462
00:40:55,480 --> 00:41:03,760
Wait a second. What's your great big fat woman? Actually, that happened to me the other day.

463
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:11,040
I was in a well. Yeah. And they the Zachary through me in there. Really? What? Yeah, he

464
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:16,680
found me. Then he showed you his FTM genital situation. Part of that part of it. But would

465
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:17,680
you fuck me?

466
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:23,720
But he lowered down, lowered down some lotion and he said it puts a lotion on the skin or

467
00:41:23,720 --> 00:41:29,440
else it gets the hose again. I was like, I'll take the hose. I love hose. So and you were

468
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:35,040
lotioned up. But no, that I didn't put the lotion on them. So then I was ashier. I remember

469
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:40,640
I was first spinoff in 911. I remember Zach had me in a while and I go, Hey, man, I didn't

470
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:44,760
even make a video. Why are you doing this? I said, Well, well, and then the police came

471
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:50,080
to his door and they go, Is Jason here? And he goes, I don't even know who that is. Wait

472
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:56,720
a second. Is that a great big fat guy? I do want to do some like big, big fat guy comedy

473
00:41:56,720 --> 00:42:05,200
I've been working on. I legit have a new fact. I have a couple of fat guy bits. It's not.

474
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:11,640
It is unique. Okay. I love Chris Higgins is top bit. I was going well, well, well. Well,

475
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:16,200
well, well, oh, it's about well. He says, No, he says, I want to be rich enough to the

476
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:21,680
point where I can say, so you turn around in a in a like an office chair and say, Well,

477
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:33,560
well, I remember it is kind of funny. I remember when he was I think it's funny. You do. So

478
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:38,520
because this is a public episode. I've never talked about Chris Higgins on here. No, I

479
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:42,800
feel like you'd be an advocate like it's like when you when you have such a horrible base

480
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:51,480
of the average comic here, anyone who's okay kind of really stands out. Yeah. Chris, it's

481
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:57,160
such a bad pool. Chris told me not not to go down the road of having beef with people

482
00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:04,680
like Bob Keen. Who? Yeah. When did he tell you this a while back? Not really. Does echo.

483
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:11,440
No, no, no. He's like, because that's all Bob Keen is is a beef comic. And then I that's

484
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:16,480
not what he thinks. He thinks he's a real comic. And then he takes himself so fucking

485
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:19,960
seriously. And I was like, that's hilarious. I was like, people see him that way. And then

486
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:27,880
I was like, Yeah, I'll definitely yeah, I'll do that for sure. Not. No, I mean, I mean,

487
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:32,360
I've done I've got through comedy without listening to anybody that ever gave me advice.

488
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:36,560
Yeah, I don't really listen to any comedy or have like a justified opinion about it.

489
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:40,920
I don't listen to any standard. I don't watch any standoff specials on TV or anything. Yeah.

490
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:45,840
I don't I don't want to get like influenced by other people's comedy. So I don't watch

491
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:49,480
it and said I'll listen to like a podcast about the psychology of somebody who kills

492
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:53,480
their own kids. Exactly. And then unfortunately, that's been influencing my style and nobody

493
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:54,480
likes me.

494
00:43:54,480 --> 00:44:00,000
Well, it's tough. I know it's like how Nick Mullin, this is a bad comedy podcast. Yeah,

495
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:05,040
yeah, too much. I thought about do I have to become like a happier guy for people to

496
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:11,160
love me? No, the clubs could love me someday. I have to do a lot of self work to really

497
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:16,960
change. I want to write that down for myself. Do I have to become a happier guy for people

498
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:23,840
to love me? Honestly, like if I'm not loveable for my therapist, that is such a weird question.

499
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:28,600
I just think it was Lee Tanner. We should bring out now. You can be lovable on stage

500
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:34,400
when you when you have random pops of emotion. Yeah, but that's the problem is random. Yeah,

501
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:38,120
I know. But you need to chill out. You need to chill out. You're doing fine. Yeah, you

502
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:41,400
were doing great. You're doing great. We have a show about comedy bar coming up. That's

503
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:45,440
really cool. Is very you should focus on like the cool shit we have going on when you feel

504
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:50,680
like crazy because it does it everybody doing comedy goes crazy all the time. I don't know.

505
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:56,160
I was bummed out last night like I barely like worked on my like we have a new song

506
00:44:56,160 --> 00:45:02,080
coming out soon. No spoilers. But I have to focus on the projects that I can control.

507
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:08,240
That's the beauty of comedy. Yeah, no one can stop me except for Mac and Jason. But

508
00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:16,200
that's a better gatekeeper than people that don't even look at my email. I'm not loveable.

509
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:20,520
And dude, it's just like you should just do cool shit and then get some people to like

510
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:24,840
you and then that's all that at the end of the day, all the people at these venues care

511
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:30,920
about is tickets and shit. Yeah. So they really you can fucking things. You remember that a

512
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:37,080
guy from 70 show who just went to jail for doing bad stuff to women right when he was

513
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:42,600
getting accused of all that he came to Chicago and headlined the last factory and sold it

514
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:48,320
out. Yeah. And there was a bunch of comedians like protesting online like don't open for

515
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:53,160
this guy. And I remember Chris and Jimmy was one of them. And when this guy went to jail,

516
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:57,760
Kristen shared her post from that time that was like you guys are foolish for involving

517
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:01,800
yourself with this guy because he's obviously a bad person. She might have been honest because

518
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:08,160
like, but then it's like anyone lower level would be like jumping on it. Like I love that

519
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:13,080
70 show. I don't really know what he did. Yeah. Well, no, I mean, everyone was talking

520
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:16,680
about it was one like the news first broke that he was getting accused of all this stuff.

521
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:20,040
See I need to be more what's Ashton Kutcher's character.

522
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:25,920
No, we need the one where he writes he does a video to apologize. I have some for you

523
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:33,160
to listen to listen. So it's a perfect quote. It's hated or love it underdogs on top. Yeah,

524
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:37,240
I'm a shine homey until my heart stops. So I don't want to be an underdog. That's a great

525
00:46:37,240 --> 00:46:41,800
example. But you are underdog. We all we're all underdogs currently and 50 cent start

526
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:47,040
abuse with that. I love it. So whether we're a little or hateable under either way underdogs

527
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:51,560
aren't going to be on top. He was the guy who started the whole rumor that Floyd Mayweather

528
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:56,400
can't read. He was like the first person to really push that narrative funny. Yeah, he's

529
00:46:56,400 --> 00:47:02,680
been posting funny pissing off. He said he's he's he's level five. He did a joke. He came

530
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:06,720
out of the hot. He said I just got out of the hospital this morning. I listened to Fat

531
00:47:06,720 --> 00:47:16,400
Joe's album. 50 son fucking. Yes, 50 cent. His music is really level five. But his it's

532
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:20,960
okay. It is not this bad boy. At least there's not a machete sitting on it. Luckily, we got

533
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:25,600
the machete down from the fell right to do when this thing falls and explodes. It's

534
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:29,000
going to be awesome. Yeah, it's going to be like symbolic and the horses are going to

535
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:32,880
escape from the frame. It's going to be like the Indian undercover. That'd be awesome. No

536
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:38,680
but no. Native American. My bad. I love it's like the van from India in the cupboard. I

537
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:42,800
love beef. I love shit talk thing. I think it's one of the things that resonates with

538
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:48,400
people the most. What's beef? Yeah, what's for dinner to guess to go to sleep? Yeah,

539
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:53,720
that's all it is. But I just think like I watched too much UFC people talking shit to

540
00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:59,160
each other and then yeah, I think you know what? I can't play a cookie cutter guy. I'm

541
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:03,840
never going to beat the real cookie cutters. No, you can be like Burkard if you want. I

542
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:08,760
have to do is drink and do cocaine for me. It's okay. Okay. If you could do more than

543
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:17,040
him, you win. No, I could never be that love again. That's a joke. I could never be something.

544
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:23,040
No, I was joking. You don't want to be him. No, but I just I feel like if it was me pretending

545
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:27,680
to be like something I'm not versus someone who's way better at pretending to be something

546
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:30,720
they're not, I'm never going to beat them. You should have more look like there are people

547
00:48:30,720 --> 00:48:34,600
who don't pretend there's something they're not in our successful. You don't have to pretend

548
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:39,160
actually some of the most successful people are like that. Probably the most probably

549
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:43,160
the people who get remembered by history are it's always just been a thing like there's

550
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:48,520
not a lot of phonies who go down as like the best of all time. Yeah, like Louis CK isn't

551
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:53,520
like a except Carlisle and see a comic looking guy, but then you like learn how to think

552
00:48:53,520 --> 00:49:00,480
he's the best anymore. He's like been erased. He's the best, but he rules. Yeah. Yeah. Louis

553
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:04,000
still figures out what he has to say before and I actually did watch Carlisle and see

554
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:12,560
his new special. He came out with a new special on to be free free network. Oh boy. It's not

555
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:17,400
bad. Does he look like he's depressed? No, he loves doing stand up dude. Like life has

556
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:22,760
weathered his Instagram videos. If you're on the verge of like like being really depressed,

557
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:27,040
do not watch his Instagram. It's so depressed. Who told me the story about him crying on stage?

558
00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:31,480
Oh, I don't know. Dude, everything that they went to. They went over guests of this. He

559
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:35,840
got someone got a free ticket to him and see a show and he like broke down and try on stage

560
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:42,480
to see what's happening. That's like free to he gets my whole Instagram is just it's like

561
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:48,080
morbid facts and stuff. I'm like, why is it recommending only like it keeps showing me

562
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:54,280
stuff from 9 11 all the time. I wonder why this is the only journalist who got killed

563
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:59,320
recording 9 11. I'm like, why is this in my for you? I don't really know what's in my

564
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:03,800
feed because I only produce only make content. You're just a content creator. You're not

565
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:08,640
even a consumer. I'm kind of like James Azhar. Yeah, mine's all mentally challenged people

566
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:14,840
screeching. Yeah, which is a lot. I have to wear headphones when I open the app. The

567
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:22,240
only thing I consume is our own content from my other from my other profiles. Yeah. You

568
00:50:22,240 --> 00:50:25,800
know what? I was I was watching a Kodak black interview and they go what music you've been

569
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:34,640
listening to lately and he said, I pretty much is listening to my own music. You're

570
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:39,800
like Kodak black. I saw him say it could never be a crack head because I'm a math head. I

571
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:45,040
don't know what that means, but I hope so. Have you ever seen his his his suburban? I'm

572
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:51,600
a suburban. He goes to a subway and he goes, I'm a suburban. He's like acting like a like

573
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:57,280
a like a like a like a white person from the suburbs. And then he calls the subway sandwiches

574
00:50:57,280 --> 00:51:03,200
suburbers because it's what people from the suburban eat. I think Giovanni asked me what

575
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:07,840
podcasts I listened to. And I was like, I'll listen to bad comedy podcasts. I mean, it's

576
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:11,920
so funny. I just got that listening really sad. I'm gonna shout out to Lobo done. Yeah,

577
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:20,440
I have like 24 hours until I go into another year of not winning a Burby award. About 28

578
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:26,600
hours left and it's gonna be all one more year. It'd be funny if you on your deathbed,

579
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:30,840
you're like, and you're like a super successful comedian and all that. And you have your loved

580
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:37,280
ones around you. And, uh, and you say to your, you say to your daughter, my only regret is

581
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:44,200
that I never won a Burby. Yeah, it'd be funnier. No, what we way funnier is if, uh, is if you

582
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:48,200
who I did and then in your note, it was, you said it's because you didn't win the Burby.

583
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:53,800
No, that's kind of what I didn't win the Burby. I unsent some messages last night. I was thinking

584
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:57,480
like, I don't want to have to leave unsent some messages. Well, it's just some, you know,

585
00:51:57,480 --> 00:52:02,680
so does that mean man? Well, it means like, you know, you say, highlight the message unsent.

586
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:09,880
I don't need to show this person. I think about that. What happened? It was just about

587
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:14,200
like people ignoring me and stuff. Oh, yeah. Like, I don't want to have to, you know, you

588
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:18,520
know, write a letter to these, leave them a letter. Yeah. I want to like leave a note

589
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:23,880
address to like these like four people that keep ignoring me. You don't have to tell how

590
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:28,760
much it means to me. They're holding my career back and what I could become someday. Are

591
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:35,560
you talking about us? No, no, don't worry. You guys, I saw you send us some manic messages

592
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:39,960
last night and I was way too tired to respond. It's okay. I was asleep. So I just said, you

593
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:46,920
can be like Burkhoedler. Dylan, I was saying to Mac before you got here that I felt bad

594
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:51,320
for you because you're just having the same thoughts every comedian I know has. Yeah.

595
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:55,240
But you're so mentally ill. It's going to ruin your life. I know. It kind of already has

596
00:52:55,240 --> 00:53:01,000
an, I don't have those cells. Yeah. Mac doesn't have them, but then it's also like, I don't

597
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:05,640
know. But sometimes I know it's like even the people who get booked a lot are like,

598
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:09,400
they have somebody in their head who gets booked more than them or they're, you know,

599
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:13,800
like I used to know this guy who was, he told me that when he was little, his dad used to beat

600
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:21,320
him if he wouldn't win it like school sports. Yeah. So he had this rage he would get whenever he

601
00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:26,600
wasn't like liked by everybody and he would headline a lot of local shows. But then if

602
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:31,880
we didn't have him headline our show and he sent me like a thousand messages about not having,

603
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:37,240
he's like, I need to headline your show. Jeff, Jeff, it was a show in a comic book shop that

604
00:53:37,240 --> 00:53:43,320
didn't pay. But you needed the stage time. He needed the clout. Oh, he needed the like, you

605
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:47,080
have this guy headline. Why would you have this guy headline and not me like that kind of thing?

606
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:53,480
You know that Jeff Asmus, he had lined it. It was like a Catholic kth grade school. Oh,

607
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:59,960
what? Yeah. He had lined up. He lined him up and was it hard to see him from 500 feet away

608
00:53:59,960 --> 00:54:06,440
in their gym? Yeah. I think he did. I think he took one of the kids home as payment.

609
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:10,920
What? He got paid in children. Yeah. So yeah, I get paid in smelling salts. Yeah. People get.

610
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:16,600
He said, I only take payment in my child to my choice. I thought when he did, I thought when

611
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:21,080
he did those shows for elementary students, they had to get a titantron because he'd had

612
00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:27,560
to be 500 feet away from all the kids. Yeah. So they had to watch him on the, you know, like a

613
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:35,400
stadium. Yeah. What are those called? They'd have to leave the first hundred rows sold, you know.

614
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:43,640
Yeah. What are those things called? Titan. I think it's just called that. No, John will know.

615
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:48,840
The titantron. You want me to look at it? Jumbotron. Jumbotron. Come on.

616
00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:54,360
Titan. Tron. Jumbotron. Is that really the two words for it? Jumbotron is the main word for it.

617
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:58,920
The big screen thing. Maybe the titantron is like the, I wonder if Titan Tron is a brand name.

618
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:05,560
Maybe, or maybe it's like the new evolutionized versions of it. The Heaven Stadium. Yeah.

619
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:12,280
The stadium. I'd be hating them. I'm just wondering if you guys think of how am I

620
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:18,280
shooting myself in the foot the most? Like am I too sketchy looking? You're not shooting

621
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:21,720
yourself in the foot. You're doing great. I have to be doing something wrong. No.

622
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:26,760
You're not. You're not. It's just, but then it fucks with my head so much because it's like.

623
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:32,200
It's like, you know, I want to talk about this. If it's boring, but yeah. It's just,

624
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:35,560
you're just not doing anything wrong. There's nothing you could do that's right or wrong.

625
00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:40,760
It's just like a series of lucky guesses. Yeah. You know what I mean? That some people are lucky,

626
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:45,160
but as long as you keep going and do, this is the gay thing that everyone says, but it's like,

627
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:48,840
if you keep going and doing everything, you might be one of the lucky ones. Yeah. That's,

628
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:52,040
that's all you can do. That makes sense. There's nothing that you could do wrong.

629
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:58,200
But the short term, I mean, if you did something like, like you, if you like did some kind of

630
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:03,080
transgression, like a crime on a woman or something, those things will hinder your career.

631
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:08,440
So as long as you, so that's what you have to do to do something wrong. That's why I wonder

632
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:14,760
Shane Gillis got canceled off of SNL and now he's bigger than ever. Yeah. And I don't want to get

633
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:17,960
can't. I mean, I want to get canceled, but I don't want to. Tony Hinchcliffe, who I don't even think

634
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:23,480
is that funny got canceled in that, that Chinese thing. Remember he made Chinese jokes about a

635
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:29,080
comic that blew up kill Tony, which was already blowing up, which also blew up Hans Kim. And

636
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:34,280
then now Hans Kim gets to headline Zainis because Tony Hinchcliffe wanted an Asian to open for

637
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:37,800
a lot of things just happened. It's like complete bullshit. You just got to keep

638
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:43,400
position all in, keep getting better. You're good. The long run. It's the, it's a marathon,

639
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:49,080
they say. Yeah. Yeah. Not I just look at the people I know who were successful. I want to do

640
00:56:49,080 --> 00:56:54,280
what they did. Like the people who I like, you know, I love, I love talking about comedy. Okay.

641
00:56:55,720 --> 00:57:03,000
On a comedy podcast. This is not comedy. This is not a bad comedy. Yeah. It's not Aaron City Bank.

642
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:09,480
So you should be happy. We don't tell debit cards here. Yeah. I love comedy. I only watch the

643
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:14,360
I try and emulate the thing is you pick a comedian to look up to you emulate them. Me,

644
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:23,560
I got a jalapeno on a stick. Whenever I get a pizza, I think about the pepper thing you said about

645
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:31,240
I'm getting all my vitamins from the yeah pepper that comes with the Papa John's that

646
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:36,280
be a vegetable. I'm telling you, they say get it from real food. It's not a multi item and it's

647
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:41,320
I feel like that joke is weirdly it doesn't like hit. It's not like a crusher. Like it's a thinker.

648
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:45,640
I don't know why it's like a thing. It is a crusher. It's like a thinker. It's gonna have a

649
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:52,440
good time as long as it's set up as worded right. That's perfect. It's a fucking setup. No, but I

650
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:56,920
love that's like there's probably only like one or two actual vitamins in it and stuff too.

651
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:03,480
Honestly, my arms have been getting tingly. What does that mean? I feel just randomly.

652
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:10,200
It's that's your feet. You get tingly feet. No, but I'm I'm afraid of the legs are fall asleep.

653
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:15,560
Why did you take a shit because I was to me when I'm playing spider solitaire on my phone. Yeah,

654
00:58:15,560 --> 00:58:23,320
I just slapped my legs and I try to I go ironically I'm playing spider solitaire. The

655
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:30,440
things got eight legs. I got no legs. Yeah. Yeah. Even if my arms were legs, I got spider.

656
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:38,120
Yeah, but it's only two. No, like it freaks is like a free. We should watch that movie with

657
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:44,840
John Hickok. Review it. Yeah, you should do movie reviews. I still haven't watched Wild Hogs. Oh,

658
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:50,600
man. He watched that. I legit have been getting into writing movie reviews. I'm on a website

659
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:55,320
and nobody knows I'm doing this, but I've been watching movies and writing. Oh, and I they get

660
00:58:55,320 --> 00:59:02,760
zero likes. No, I've literally written like maybe a hundred reviews or something. Dylan, I have an

661
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:08,040
idea. So if you ever find yourself like manic or spiraling or something, just watch Wild Hogs.

662
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:14,040
Okay. And then that'll set you straight. It'll be like my mom. It won't trigger you. It's a movie

663
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:18,200
about men who feel like they're past their prime and have looked up to their dreams. No, but then

664
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:23,320
they do. No, in the end, they end up beating Ray Leota's gang. Yeah, they do. Yeah. Which is

665
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:30,040
the Xeco's gang. I just realized that. Yeah. It's chantix. He's also in Fast and Furious one. I just

666
00:59:30,040 --> 00:59:35,320
watched. I like watching all these things about, you know, like good versus evil or just like

667
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:41,320
USC or pro wrestling. And then it'll be like, there's no really they don't. There aren't very

668
00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:46,840
many heels in comedy. Oh, yeah, there are. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I only know about a couple of you got

669
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:51,400
three in this room. Like am I trying to do a lane that doesn't even exist? No, there's tons of them.

670
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:56,040
And it's also situational just like wrestling. Like sometimes you're the heel. Sometimes you're

671
00:59:56,040 --> 01:00:01,320
the baby face. Well, my goal is to make Chicago the most violent scene. I want that to be our

672
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:06,120
thing. So like there's like there's the crowd work people in their shoes and LA. There's the

673
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:11,160
good writers and well, in Vegas, classically good stand up here. I want it to be violent. I want it

674
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:17,720
to be faction to need gangs in different ways to jokes and physical just hand to hand combat

675
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:23,240
and combat threats like death threats and more death threats. Death. Well, Brandon, Brandon

676
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:27,400
Chobb's coming to town. We could challenge him to a fight. Yeah. He already come through. He's

677
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:32,440
doing comedy bar. Mark challenged him to a motorcycle race. What? Yeah. And then he responded

678
01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:37,960
and said, what do you ride? And Mark responded and then he didn't reply because he was scared.

679
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:42,280
Yeah, that's like what happened to when I was talking to Dean Cook. We should we should we

680
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:47,320
should try and us three versus Brandon Chobb in a fight. Yeah, because he has a you have he was

681
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:52,680
UFC. Yeah. So I think is that fair? Three of us for some. I think we'd probably lose. Yeah,

682
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:58,360
I think we would lose. We could try it. Well, we will challenge him. I'm in the worst shape of my

683
01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:03,160
life and I had my head boasted open like two weeks ago. Yeah. Let me just want to punch it. It's

684
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:07,400
funny because your brain has been deteriorating and then you fell and broke your brain. Yeah.

685
01:01:07,400 --> 01:01:13,320
I think some of it leaked out. Yeah. So the fear the fear of a brain is red. Some of it's pink.

686
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:19,400
That could be worse. So I saw this thing on X last night, formerly known as Twitter,

687
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:23,240
and it was about babies with all their spinal fluid goes to their head and

688
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:28,520
that's kind of does it make a Virginia sounds really everything on there that I see is

689
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:33,640
addicting and in bad. I don't I don't like spinal fluid and reminds me of when I got

690
01:01:33,640 --> 01:01:39,720
spinal tab and they kept missing. Yeah, that's I like that movie spinal tap. Yeah, turn it to 11.

691
01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:49,400
Yeah, I love people quote that. Let's close this one off. Folks, thanks for listening. And again,

692
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:57,320
for the amazing guest episodes, we had John Hickock, the gun expert coming up on next

693
01:01:57,320 --> 01:02:04,840
for this next week. Patreon.com slash bad comedy. And we had a live show at comedy bar on January

694
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:14,760
10 on Jan 10. Jan 10. Jan 10. You're kind of in my way. Sorry. I'm Jan 10. Jan 10, which is

695
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:20,360
Jan 10. January 10. Not Juneteenth. It's my birthday. So you should come to the show and

696
01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:25,720
give me a gift. Give me a gift. And it's I want some iTunes gift cards. I'll put the link on

697
01:02:25,720 --> 01:02:32,360
YouTube and it'll be on. We'll put it on Spotify and on Patreon. And one of the spare gift cards

698
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:38,920
is go to our Instagram or get cards and even Instagram. And we get you gift cards. Come through,

699
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:43,160
man. Come see our show. It's going to be fucking tight. We really need to aggressively

700
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:50,120
tell people that they have to be there. I just want to take a lot of I had another idea. I'll

701
01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:56,280
tell you about for the live show. Okay. All right. Dylan, do you have any plugs at comedy baddie?

702
01:02:56,280 --> 01:03:04,600
And if you're not at comedy bar on January 10, the new Juneteenth, let's just, you know, let's

703
01:03:04,600 --> 01:03:12,520
not go there. Let's go to comedy bar. What about you, Jason? Oh, yeah. Just just come to the

704
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:20,120
track. Just come to the comedy bar January 10. That's all I care about. Yeah. Yeah. That's about

705
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,960
a month away. Get your tickets. They're going to sell out. So get them soon. Follow me at Cool

706
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:34,040
Jason Macdon. And or at bad boy comedy. You have that? Jason Maclin. I have cool Macdon.

707
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:42,040
Macdon Melton. Me and my brother Jackson. We kind of would combine into a super person.

708
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:48,360
Jacqueline. Because we compliment each other skillsets. Sounds like a normal woman.

709
01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:55,160
But it's a super person if you've ever seen a kicking and screaming. Well guys, thanks for

710
01:03:55,160 --> 01:04:00,120
coming on. Hey, thanks for having us. Yeah, no problem. So this is a good time. I like this

711
01:04:00,120 --> 01:04:07,000
podcast. Yeah. I like the low energy. Yeah, those are my favorite episodes, as I've always said.

712
01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:11,960
And I like when people tell me after shows, yeah, I like how you have no energy and you're just kind

713
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:19,720
of like your thing is like, are you do you really talk that slow and we should call this episode.

714
01:04:21,720 --> 01:04:29,640
Low self esteem episode. All right, folks. esteem. We'll esteem you next week. And we love you very

715
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:43,320
much. Hack lives matter.