Where we make fun of MC lightsay
Why does he have a dangly earring
But we like it more than Bob King Bob King Bob King
Welcome to bad comedy
Where the hosts and guests are gay
And to hear it you have to pay
Welcome to bad comedy
Welcome to bad comedy podcast folks. My name is Jonathan Hickock Davis and I got a lot of guns
I'm here with what's up. This is
Zach O'Brien Welch from corn nice
We got Jonathan Taylor Thomas the train
Thank you nice. Yeah, so this is he was supposed to be the bassist
Monkey from corn, but we figured that that might these days of the name
Yeah, that's why guy wearing dreadlocks might give off the wrong connotation
So we decided to bleep that out. But corn was a little edgy with that. We're corn. Yeah, so we dress like corn as a
Thanksgiving
Thanks Thanksgiving. Hope you guys are having a cornucopia of time
Yeah, hope you guys are listening to corn
And yeah, I mean these are these are real wigs. So he has Brian Welch's wig
He is a monkey MUNK wise wig and I have
Jonathan Davis's wig you guys feel this way when it's Thanksgiving like you you go around your families and you know that you're like kind of
You're a crazy person who likes to go nuts
Yeah, but when you're around your family, you can't really go nuts because your family's there
So it makes me feel like a freak on a leash. Yeah, I hate
They try to limit your wine intake, you know, you know, you know, I was younger I worked in a in a mortuary
What yeah, dude, I'm Zach. Oh well, I've known you for years and I didn't know that when I was younger before corn
I used to dress up dead bodies. What actually dude legitimate. That's kind of disrespectful to the family
Look at that. But that's but that's why I think it's cool is being disrespectful
Also, my dad was one of the pianists of a steely Dan
I think his name that's your dandosimo
It's actually named after a dildo from the book. These are all real Jonathan and Davis facts that I'm saying
Actually, so he would dress the dead bodies, but would he undress them first that I feel like is probably most likely
Yeah, that sounds a little problematic. Yeah, you know that should we cancel Jonathan Davis? Yeah for for
I'm at fucking with that bodies
Shout out to Jonathan Davis. He also invented Garfield. Mm-hmm. Yeah
Yeah, that's this Jonathan Davis is the best cartoon. I think
Here's what I've been thinking about Garfield is they got John talks. He's got a talk bubble
Garfield he just has thoughts. They're a thought bubble. Mm-hmm, but OD he doesn't even think
Oh, the audio audio audio. Oh, he is like Terry Shiva. He's just like it's like a flat line and it said
Wouldn't that be funny if you find out that he was inspired by Terry shy
Yeah, I'm gonna fight Terry Shiva or Terry Cruz. Who's Terry Cruz? Yeah, CREWS
Yeah, I think it'd be a close one
That's the funniest character cheeseburger Eddie I got the fries that across your eyes if I was Terry Shiva
I'd be like you can't kill me. I'm already dead. Yeah, but you could rain dead
I can say it. He's nice. Yeah, I was like how you're saying the corn guy is balding and he's still
No, Stevie Wonder
Okay, Stevie Wonder is bald in the front and then huge dreads in the back. He looks really nuts. Yeah
I'll tell you what I'll tell you what as corn if any of you guys fuck with any other like
Like plants or any crops
Will I was gonna say something cool fuck. I was gonna say something about grain
I was gonna ride grain with something. Well, I actually have cauliflower ears. So I feel like I'm kind of oh
Appropriating corn culture. Well, we have the wig to cover this up is Brian Zekko Welch. I
My favorite sweetener is corn syrup
Cardi B's Brian Roe Welch
Brian Roe Welch like the Cardi B's babies named culture with the K
It's kind of like oh, I like that way child of the corn. Yeah, baby. That's corn inspired
Yeah, that's what my dad is trying to impress us. He'll put his he'll text us with a cool spelled with a K
That's cool. Does he do this?
I'm like anybody says that hey, it's your father does he do the our backwards?
Yeah, but sorry backwards and father is unintentional. Yeah, that was the intro portion you guys do the
Podcast with the podcast portion we're gonna talk about our days
This thing's giving me and my family played Scrabble
You did and my mom put down the word corn actually
But I told her she had to take it back because it didn't have a backwards are no no
No, I wanted to use the backwards are time. No, no, I wasn't talking about doing bits
I wanted to kind of just talk about what we're doing. I wasn't listening. I was thinking about a bit. Yeah, yeah
No, what'd you say? No, I just want to ask how you guys think it was your day and how's your life?
Okay, hold on. How's your Thanksgiving?
I'll tell you what I did first. Yes, I went to my my aunt's house and she lives in
She's in like Albany Park. Oh nice
It might my aunt's house, you know, yeah, not like the bug
I love Albany Park. It's got a rich diversity there. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a good neighborhood
And then we had a bunch of family that was there. It's always good to see my grandma Gigi
and then
My Jewish uncle Len was there. We had this in-depth conversation about
Religion is an inherently good or bad or bad for society?
Yeah, and I didn't pretty deep and then we we we
Our solution was that there's no one knows we'll ever know
Yeah, it's hard to say right because because one on the one side, let me say it's cool
That your grandma Gigi was there because you guys spend time with your you know, your grandparents
You're not gonna be around forever. They're not gonna be around forever. They really won't yeah
I saw my grandma to I have one I mean
I left and I saw her and it meant a lot to me
You never know how many years you have left. No, I feel that's why I mean you guys put something people like Michael Myers, too
Yeah, yeah, you can't take those these precious moments for granted. How's yours? What would you get up to?
I just kind of hung out relaxed sometimes. I like to take some time to just kind of hang out relax
Yeah, that's good, you know, just unwind
Did he need turkey? He gets in turkey. I think I I didn't eat turkey this year. Oh wow
I guess I didn't really do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got you got me. I mean, I'll be honest
I believe in the traditional Thanksgiving, you know, I like going all out turkey stuffing mashed potatoes the works covered on gravy
Yeah, dude, I hope you guys don't get upset of me, but I'm actually vegetarian. So I had a tow furky
It was it's not as bad as you think a tow for it's not as bad as you think that's kind of cool
Yeah, I mean I respect that well, thanks for being respectful, you know, just like your religion talk
It's like we there's different points of view on things like some people have different
Diets that they eat right and people have different religions different diets and you just kind of got a I mean except everybody
Yeah, what they are for who they are doesn't have to be about comedy. You know, you know, did you guys watch any football?
I actually didn't I come I watched some of the Cowboys game
Okay, so I was kind of confused because normally the Bears play the Lions on Thanksgiving, right? They didn't this year
Yeah, I always remember watching the Lions. I remember what I was watching some I got to my Thanksgiving a little late
So I watched them. What do they call that highlights and stuff?
I go pairs. Yeah, I was like watching those highlights, you know, instead of the whole game you can just kind of see a bunch of the plays and
Some people say our attention span is a shorter light
Or sorry, our generation has a shorter attention. Dude. I mean think about it think about it think about cable TV
How far that's gone down and how big tic-tac and Instagram have become it's because of that. Yeah, there's so many users
Yeah
This is like user to 25
There's a bad boy comedy just some specific users. Yeah, right
When I was a kid we so we didn't even have a TV I'd have to I was reading this book
I mean hey reading the book now. That's that's something this next generation won't even understand
Hey Dylan is what is a book? I just I want to say that we don't judge you for not having that much money growing up
I think that and any
Economic class is okay in my yeah, I know I think I don't judge people based on their class or their skin color of the
Their creed. Yeah. Yeah, sorry go ahead continue some of some times those things are kind of related. Yeah true very true
You were reading books. Yeah, I was very that's very inter
Galactic
Introspective
Inter-dimensional intermittent intertwined. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. What do they call it? There's feminism and then there's inter-something
feminism intersex
Intersexual fit. Yeah, I think that's very intersexual intersex. Uh-huh. You're trying to remember a word
Yeah, oh my god. I swear it's related to the again the attention span one thing one thing that
Like we didn't have a Thanksgiving was a cornucopia and I told you I love the traditional things
Yeah, so I'm so happy that we got to have a because you can't have Thanksgiving without a cornucopia
It's a staple. It's kind of crazy. It looks like a bugle, right? It kind of looks like a bugle. Yeah, I love bugles
It reminds me of my fingers pretend I'm Freddy Krueger
I used to do that when I was a kid, I know dude that road trip with my family pretend
You're a woman with nails. Oh my god. Also
That's funny. Also while you're on the road trip
Combos, you know, I love combos. No one's ever I don't think anyone's ever had combos on a car. Yeah
Yeah, you know, there's people out there with Thanksgiving. They don't have they can't afford this big
Gracious meals we have and all they have for Thanksgiving is combos. Yeah, and my heart goes out to them
Yeah, what I've always said is there's people starving in China, you know, because there are and then combos
Send a good snack. You should snacks and I mean, I am I'm with sending them combos
Yeah, you know instead of donating 25 cents a day to a company that might be embezzling it
Send combos to the starving children in Africa folks. It's gonna take ownership of it. Yeah, I feel like they should make a corn combo
They'll be good. I like that. I
Maybe like a lotase. Yeah, what about like a pumpkin pie one?
And so it's got like the cross on the outside and the pumpkin in the inside. Well, I'm not even considered
Combos, yeah, I think it's a really bad idea. I need to talk to I'm hearing different opinions on this
And I like that we could have we don't always have to agree on so so
Yeah, I mean, I mean we don't need to agree on everything we can all agree on that
I mean, how about we'll both email combos all off of the idea you send the counter idea and then we'll see what they kind of
Think I remember I drove up to
Burger King one day and they said would you like to try a combo meal and I was like, how about just a bag of combo?
The story that never happened. Why do you think that didn't happen?
Talk about Thanksgiving like the times we had we're talking about combos a little bit every year just stop as well
Please stop
What is the way and I remembered a story about I went to get no you didn't know we get a fast food place and the word combo on the
Combo meal reminded me of the food combos, which I also enjoy and they gave you three small
It's a funny story a little bit, but I wasn't intent. I wasn't making up a bit
It was a I know it didn't happen. We believe that you were in
Okay, you know my whole life. Can you please just cut off the comedy for a second? I'm not doing any comedy. What are you thankful for this year?
I
Jason's jokes
Coming down on me right now crazy
I'm going through a lot of my personal thankful for a civil conversation that we could be having
Can we have a civil conversation? I was trying to until I got accused of being a liar, which I do not know
I'm accusing you of saying a joke Jason's gonna say that story was a lie. Yeah is not a lie
Yeah, it is. So how do you feel about that? You're just gonna just not gonna accept me Jason and when I say that
So how can we have any conversation? I think you lie you don't believe I think that's a threat
I say that's a threat. There's no threat happening. Okay. I would never threaten you. I I care about you deeply
And that's why I want you to believe I care about you too. I love been doing research
It's a family time you guys
Yeah, I love you guys. I'm sorry. I'm getting so hung up on this. That is the real point. Yeah
I'm grateful for you guys. I
Love you back. Yeah, I said I love you. I said I love Mac, but I love you too Dylan
Yeah, like yeah, like a little bit less we all love
I don't know how
Yeah, and YOLO you only live your life once so make sure to spend it with the ones you love
Especially before they pass away. I think love isn't it's not just a quantitative thing
It's also a qualitative thing like I feel like I have a different type of love for you guys, right? Yeah
Yeah, I mean, I don't love you guys the way I love my mom or my girlfriend
Yeah, I like it's special kind of like you don't like you don't love us. We live your girlfriend. No, why not? No offense, but uh
You know me and my girlfriend are a little closer. Oh
Exactly, so I mean well also sex which I believe love should always be probably
We don't want to get demonetized we probably shouldn't say so. Well. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah
I don't want to get too sexual here. I mean our sex is not something offensive. I think it's a beautiful
Exhibition of our love for each other and it's a very loving act. Yeah, but if it's being used without
Procreation we probably shouldn't talk about it
Yeah, I guess yeah, that could be debatable online. So yeah, I don't want to stir any controversy. Yeah outcome to I hate when people stir controversy
I do too. It's it's insane
I I don't get it. Just why you make why are you creating a hub up? Just mind your own business mind your own business
Yeah, people all these people
Online aren't there enough problems in the world? I know that you're gonna stir some controversy. Yeah, you could be creating
Producing you could be righting solving. Yeah producing show putting your energy into something creative. Yeah, good point
So I've all these bullies people are yeah
They're on Facebook arguing in the comments and it's
Oh my gosh, I just take a step back like okay time to log off. Yeah grandma. Is that you arguing on a Facebook?
My grandma Google alerts about
Get a guy get like threat someone getting threatened or something. Yeah, my grandma. Wow my grandma uses Google Analytics a lot
Wow, that's very high tech. So does Steven Hofstadter's actually Steven Hofstadter. Um, is Grammy's a sand comedian? Yeah
I've heard of him. Yeah, he's I think I've seen some of his funny clips. Well
Oh, yeah, I actually am a big fan of Steven Hofstadter and I think that I mean
They shouldn't do a class action lawsuit. Everyone has got destroyed by him against him
Yeah, I think they shouldn't do that. Is that like it? No, that was something
No, that was something I thought would be a bad idea if they did. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah for sure for sure
Um, I'm gonna find it Hofstadter man. We can make a song that was good. That was a good segue to the
To the bad comedy podcast. Oh, yeah, what about the bad comedy podcast?
We can talk about DJ Darcy and oh like the what we can talk about like
Bob Keen DJ Darcy. These are all people that everybody well because that was that was a podcast portion the normal podcast portion
Oh, we're done with the podcast and we're now we're going to the bad comedy. So it you just kind of laugh these cues
I have no idea what's going on
Be the worst guy improv probably probably almost ever. Yeah
Yeah, because we're trying to have a serious conversation
For dinner Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, and you'd keep cracking jokes when I try to go back into the joke
You the combo joke that was not a joke. It was a funny story that was from reality about combos a topic
We were talking about it was right on topic and you want to talk about I know that you had enough is a
no, no, no, you did not as broke the you broke the fourth wall to accuse me of being a liar
You did not confuse
Combo's the snack you eat on the road with
I'm I confused the a combo meal. I
I absolutely you did not confuse a burger King combo meal with combos the snacks you get on the road
I did not yeah, I confused it. I said I they asked me if I wanted to try a combo meal and I thought you confused it
I actually thought wow there was no
Confusion sides now that's you said you're sorry now. No, no, it's even further shows that it was a lie
I was simply told a story. Please go back and re listen to this. I wrote it all down
I
I actually recorded it I ever recorded your computer
No, I ever so we can go back and look at it ever quarter of my pocket. Let's play
I secretly record you
Listening this can all because I said it simply reminded me about how much I love combos and maybe one combos instead of Burger King
No, you didn't say that. Yes, certainly did
Jason was trying to do improv. I'd say no way. Yeah. Yeah nice
Let's go to the I wasn't doing any improv because I was just trying to talk to you guys like human beings guys
I want to segue from
That good podcast to the bad comedy podcast. Okay. Thank God that shit so that was that was I like those good podcast
Yeah, we're now we're gonna do I honestly think I could do that for the rest of my life
What if we did that and it just got way better
We did it with Sam Priest for like 30 minutes. Yeah, we like dress nice. I think you were there. No, I'm sad
I was watching back
The old
Cliffs did well because they were so long
So boring
So we apologize for
That whole thing but no
Especially with Sam Priest who's
Yeah, dude, I love those old clips of us to talking about how much we love comedy and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, like I do
People working
We got big plans
You commented on Facebook on I think it was that
Like a bunch of laughs like yeah, that made me feel like you see a Jason was like defending zack
Well, he didn't he probably not
Let's save all the zacko talk for the paywall. So if you want to zacko talk of patreon.com so I made comedy. Yeah, you gotta pay for that shit
I don't know if you heard the opening song, but
It's you know pay for it. It says in the that corn song. Yeah
So we made it before we decide to throw all these bro keys of bone. Yeah, we're not giving you broke use of
Maybe buck up and hit subscribe. Oh shout out to new patrons Billy Dottaro and Cam honey badger
Maybe buck up and be and be
Hey, crazy bitch
Maybe buck cherry and be a crazy bitch to new patrons shout out to cam honey. Yeah, and other guy Billy Dottaro Billy Dottaro
And we're back sorry we had to take a quick break
Zach O'Riang kicked down the door of the podcast studio. I thought it was secure and he tried to beat us up, but we
Uh, what I did is I broke a window
Scared him away. I broke my own window. Dude ran away. He fled. Wow. Don't tell him anymore
Some other crazy stuff happened, but if you want to hear about it, you gotta join patreon.com slash band comedy
That's true. There's more to the story. It's only there's a bunch of other stuff that happened
You know, you know, and you would never know about it. I know
I just learned 99 so I like our new patrons cam and yeah Billy did Billy shout out to them guys Billy tomato
Remember that these people we have to give summaries for complete strangers
Well cam your past guests we love them, you know to cam cam
You should you should go by cam honey ham. Yeah, this full name is camera honey ham. Yep, and Billy Dottaro Southside comic
We appreciate you
Don't more I got to Billy I believe I sound like a bit your criminal. I respect that
We do love criminal patrons shout out to criminals or some of our favorites. I love crime and I hate the cops
We like patrons that are criminals or have cool names
For the most part but Billy
if you want to
Help me the zacko situation if you fund a police it's more crimes
Come up north and join my secure security detail
I kind of want to defend the police here actually Jason. Oh
Okay, it's a great band. Oh, yeah
Barbarian I hate
sending out a Nessos
They do that song. That's the police. Damn. Yeah
Sorry, oh shit. Yeah
Said yeah, when they say defund the police. I'm like sting is a good singer
Mm-hmm. Why are they trying to take down this band? I love sting the wrestler also
Yeah, but the message when sting punches you you go. Oh that stings
Yeah, no it's stung
This character Zach O'Ryan was attacking the comedy gazelle, which is a great publication
We got it's an amazing magazine. It is my favorite thing is an African gazelle sub-saharan African gazelle
Yeah, you never chase by a man. I just watch videos
Mm-hmm on YouTube. I type in elephant Jason wants to be lying so bad
I was talking to an African Uber driver. Oh, yeah, that is a
Somalian but he was most recently living in Kenya
I know an African Tesla driver his name is Elon Musk and then I told him I actually know more about Africa than you
Po I know more about Africa than you on my didn't this guy's been married three times. Oh, yeah. Yeah
He built a heaven his brother built a house in Somalia for his mom to live in what a nice thing to do
Mm-hmm. That's cool. He's currently trying to get married to this girl
It's an effort trying to get her back here somebody said how many how many Africans you want to come to your comedy show tonight
I said some all of yeah, yeah, they said he's Somali and I said
Oh, yeah, you're Somali are guys said because he's all pirate. I'm the captain. I said our go home. He makes
Yeah, I'm the captain now. All right, you're the captain now. It's kind of weird how the pirates there
Not really that much like the pirates to late the Caribbean back in the day
They're a little bit different like they have like small speedboats and and like a fully auto machine guns
Yeah, but I like the old how do they pull the trigger if they have a hook for a hand. I don't know. Yeah seems difficult
Yeah, I wonder they saw the parrots on their shoulders
The parrot not a parent
It was a parrot Tom Hanks was really the captain before is that right?
Okay, well, he was captain really captain that was captain so Lee Sullenberger. That was actually now he was
I'm pretty sure he was the captain of that ship before he moved to Philadelphia
I got and died from AIDS, you know, you know, it was really
Sully my day is crashing into the Hudson. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know Sully my day
Getting haunted by Sully the monster monsters. Oh
Like Mike was asking
Mike was asking is kind of like the Adam Gilbert of Monsters Inc
If you told me you met somebody named Mike was out ski at the open mic yesterday, I would know you I would be like, okay
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I never seen he's a little green guy. Okay. Okay, what big one big guy?
Um, but he's also his last name was out ski. So he doesn't he doesn't know make ice Mike was out ski is not funny
Honestly neither Sully don't mean to talk shit at name names. Yeah
weak like a
lame character just an old boring eyeball, you know what I love him, but he shouldn't be doing comedy
It's depressed. Also, you know, who's not funny. Sorry Dylan. This might offend your family, but Groot Groot
Okay, well overrated baby Yoda. Shut up. Yeah, he's a one. He's a one word
Who are all these? Yeah, people adore these little characters. Hey, guess what? They're not real
Okay, I feel like you've been tricked, you know, you just like they're like we took this old guy and made him young and everyone's like
Woohoo, but when I pitched hot job of the hut, nobody gave a fuck. Could you where'd you fish that?
Fucking weird. Yeah, what is this at least numbered 15 you've been there, dude? I swear
They're bringing me on to make fun of me. Why do they keep having you back?
And why do you keep going and I swear it's gonna end up like the movie the Joker. Yeah, yeah
Keep having me on your show for a laugh save that for the
Keep having you on
Huh save save that because you don't mark Cuban here. He leaves a list. Yeah, I wanted yeah
He's only a public listener mark Cuban too cheap to pay for our patreon go figure. This are wonderful. Actually is a patron
Oh nice shout out to mr. Warp our patron mr. We're like him. He's our favorite shirt
But we kind of an ironic name because he's a nasty guy. We hate mark Cuban
Isn't it funny his name's mark Cuban, but he's like the opposite of a communist. Yeah
Should change his last name to scowl. Yeah, he's mean he's like you're so bad at singing you have your talent
You're gay. That's what it was. You know, it says you go gay
I used to go to get a haircut still and I had barely any hair and I kind of looking back
I felt like if I was auditioning for one of those shows and they just be like you have no voice
You have nothing to do
fluctuation
You have no hair. I think is is that's a no for me dog. His tagline was like that was absolutely dreadful
Uh-huh, but I don't have dreads
I don't know if that was something that he would say a lot of this episode. I remember scary movie 3 when he was judging the rap battle
of the fake M&M
Really big for my eight mile. Hmm. It's it cuts the yeah fake Simon Cowley's like that was
Absolutely dreadful and then they just like shoot him to death
Show that part the real fake M&M is the the not hot green M&M the hot green
M&M will be the real one for you. Yeah, Zeco kind of reminds me all the real M&M's please stand up by the way he talks
Yeah, but it's good. It's kind of a summary. He's kind of like a
We'll save it for the patreon. I can only crystal leo, but more of he's kind of like Chris Adalia, but more of a predator
Yeah, no, I was gonna say he's kind of like M&M, but like just the voice not no talent really
Yeah, you know, it's kind of like kind of talks like Paul wall. Yeah
Yeah, but he's not the people's champ. Paul wall is really cool. Yeah, I love Paul wall
Paul wall is the the coolest wire rapper. Mm-hmm. So Paul wall or Paul McCartney. Who are you taking or Paul Miller?
How about a little white? Yeah, yeah, three choices Paul Miller Paul McCartney and Paul wall. I'm a Jeff Miller
So you watch but for what what's the what for what?
Like that fuck me your friend fuck Mary kill Paul wall Paul McCartney Paul Miller
Okay, I'll marry I'll marry Paul Miller
I always thought the fuck what the fuck one is you fuck them one I guess I got to kill Paul wall because Paul McCartney's more rich
So yeah, you gotta marry whoever's the rich and he's gonna die sooner. So you know the money
That's the move true and then and then maybe I'll use the money to revive Paul wall
So plus Paul McCartney would be the hottest one to have sex with all the stories and everything. Oh, sorry
Yes, I have to marry him and then fuck Paul Miller. I gotta actually I'll kill Paul Miller. I got a hypo for you
Yeah, I have to sacrifice Paul for the people's champ. Did we lose that joke I did about a Curtis flag?
I'll do it on the patreon Curtis flag. That's a teaser
Also, how about this hypothetical? What do you think is a more stressful job being the president of America or being Adam?
Quaslo shirt? Oh, it's actually
Yeah, he has been dressing like Lizzo recently. Mm-hmm
It looks like this corn looks like it has like like BB's in a shotgun
You see that macy's day my baby
You see that Mac the macy's day float. That's a BB King. Yeah, you're talking about Lizzo. Yeah
Yeah, they did a Lizzo macy's day really. That's awesome. It was life-size. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah
That's got to that's heavy the biggest float, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean well it lasted so
They're talking about floats and I said that reminds me of a root beer float
So is it sorry is it a replica of her?
Like pump her up with a good bike pump or something. He's a lot of healing. They pump her up with a bunch of
Helium
Probably she put herself up with a marshmallow. Yeah, but the thing is when you're fat
You don't float food really
You know she's the opposite of floating is you get held down really hard to the ground because the earth
The earth loves yeah, yeah, and it also what the earth loves pain
Can I say something about Lizzo when she says around the house? She says around the house dude
Yeah, that's good. She's around
I
Know Lizzo's armpits are so stinky the teacher gave her a plus for not raising her hand. Okay. Yeah
I heard that you got a gay plus in school. Nope
Mac where that come from?
Let's talk about it. Yeah, you like doing that every time I make it gay joke instead of just saying another funny gay joke
You know, so you want me to say funny gay joke? Yeah. Yeah, you don't have any you're not funny. Yeah
I mean being gay is not funny. It's a serious
It's a word of God and get them out of the military. Yeah, and I have a political view
Let's say according to the bad people they say that
Maybe the algorithm will hear that and then I'd be like, oh, they're okay
Sodom lists. They were they were saying as if there's someone else. Mm-hmm
What about this? Sodomy and I've re
Know how about this Jerry?
Homity sorry
Sodomy and Jerry homidy Jerry Sodomy. Yeah, Jerry Sodomy and he gets a he gets fucked by Kyle Lane old
Yeah
Yeah, oh did we the
We the land by the way doing a live podcast at comedy bar January 10th. Don't miss it January 10th
I'll be putting on literature for it some flyers
Once I make them and then promo videos, you know, I like to promote folks
This is our most important thing
In the world so if you could come it would mean the world. This is more important than the gazelles
Yeah, combined with the gazelles from last year
But we're gonna be back to back champs folks and that's why we're gonna become the biggest podcast in the world. Yeah
New world we're gonna
We talked about Aladdin and got deleted yeah, Jerry, so what a shame
No, I want to bring it back. So we got Jerry. Yeah, who'd you cast Jerry homidy's Aladdin? Uh-huh, and then Sahar's
Jasmine
Let's do but they don't have they don't have a relationship just because they're both Persian James and Jars the bird. He's the annoying
Yeah
Then Jafar is Bobok, okay
What's Bobok's real name? Well, he's he would actually do a good Jafar. Is that what you said?
Because he's kind of yeah on this. I think he's kind of like oh Paul Farah Varsha be something. Yeah
Yeah, he's like a dumb character from them
Who else is characters ready at the salt there's like a poo the monkey is that his name a poo?
Yeah, he could be a poo
So far for so hard to book he's like so booked out every time I talked to him
Maybe we could have him on like on a weekday if you do a week. He's so he wanted to I'm just kind of worried
About how mean he's gonna be when he comes. Yeah, I know he's gonna I know he's gonna make sure you're mentally prepared
Yeah, because this guy I'm gonna be up all night writing roast jokes like in comebacks and stuff
Well, I mean with his like our bear his aren't like those hacky roast jokes his are piercing his are personal
Yeah, really get to you the way you flustered them make you forget any jokes you even have prepared. Yeah, he's brutal
Yeah, brutal on the roast
Fuck dude, and that's why I ran a gym flanigan the podcast. It's a flanigan Sue mean he's not even funny
He's just mean he's even worse than Paul fair con. Yeah
Paul Paul Flanigan will say sorry Paul Flanigan Jim Flanigan will say stuff to me that legitimately
Puts fear in my heart. Yeah, well, I told you that story about when it was Robbie Flanigan and
Jim Flanigan and Sean Flannery. They're all talking in Zane's and I walked up to them. Yeah, and I accidentally called Jim Flanigan
Robbie Flannery. Oh, no, and then he said that's the type of shit to make him go off
And he said what did you just say to me? Oh fuck? Oh, I was oh, I'm sorry. No Jim Flanigan
It was just a confusion similar names. He said what do you hate Irish people?
I was like, no, it was literally just a word
Miscommunication he said get out of Zane ease. You're never getting booked here. You're never getting booked anywhere in Chicago
You're finished. Yeah. Yeah, so you know, I got his name
He go to the Mexican restaurant every day and order flan. Isn't that great? I said
Flan flan. I think it's Mexican. So it's all at the usual. They go you haven't flanigan. Yeah
You should look up on your phone
I'm they might have it both places. I'm pretty sure that's a funny joke for a cliff
Flan I went to I forgot to mention this but afterwards the casino with Hickok that one night we went to
That Mexican place or it's an origin in France. Really?
So we went to the Mexican place it's it's southern Europe and Latin America
So I have seen it at Mexican restaurants, which is why I thought that
hmm
Remember when you said that story about how you used to get drunk and hammer like black down go that Mexican place and watch the
Mexican TV and try to understand it. I don't remember that at all
Lincoln Lodge off Western it's Jason
It's big
Lazo's or our Turros
Yeah, you said you go to our Turros by yourself and eat a bunch of food you drunk food and then what and then watch the
TV and try to understand it. I mean, I've definitely done that. I don't remember talking about it
Maybe I used to live like a block from there. So I would go eat there because it's 24 hours
That's that I used to call that Taco Vegas. Yeah, maybe it was because they had all the lights and they're open 24
They serve alcohol to yeah, yeah, Lazo's and our Turros and oh and he kept
Roring like tequila shots. I was like bro stop. I told him I actually had an early morning the next day
You're just trying to fuck me
Um, that rolls. Yeah, that place is good dude. Our Turros. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably the best drunk food. We went there and we tried to understand the TV and we couldn't
Because it's a Mexican. No, our Turros rules and it's the trash they put on TV
Yeah, I mean, although I've definitely ordered food there and it came to the table ice-cold though
Yeah, like they like just like it was probably the freezer and they probably want needs are working. She's not she's not very good
Yeah, I like a win
I
Saw the Mexican lady works there. She's better Rosa Rosa. Yeah Rosa Rosa Parks
Rosa Parks, yeah, she's actually the first Mexican to sit in the front of the bus. It's a from Mexican people. Yeah
Sometimes I see like a white girl like she'll she'll stand and says sitting by the black guy on the bus or nice
I think let black people know you're still afraid of them. Well, no, I think
Well, did it's what's he wearing all black Air Force ones? No, are you sure?
Because that would be a reason I wouldn't sit next to them
Oh, that's an indication if it's all black even the swoop then that means that you do a lot of petty crimes like robberies
Like small robberies. Yeah, I guess I just didn't notice what he's wearing
I actually got PTSD probably the shoes not the skin color. Yeah, I actually got PTSD from a black guy wearing a band-aid on his face
And let me tell you I think about it over and over again. Yeah, I
Had a dude I used to living Cabrini green. That's right. That's where I grew up. Oh, yeah
Yeah, and there was this guy that he would open his mouth and what a bees would come. Oh my god
That's so scary. They call him plus call the exterminator Adam or Bansky. Yeah, so we call the exterminator and he left
So we call the Adam or her not my bees
And then also this other black guy had bees come out of his mouth that I knew uh-huh named Michael and
Clark Clark sucking he's gay to him, but yeah, he got executed
Because he sucked Tom Hanks his dick when Tom Hanks was an adult that turned to a kid not cool. I
Was thinking that would this be no text name
Jason
Beasy be
It's all about bees. There's a I want to start an all B podcast
There's yellow be easy, you know that yellow be easy
Well, it really pisses me off. No, he got in trouble for I think doing something really bad to a woman. Okay
Yellow be easy. There's also honeycomb brazy
Who has the I did acid and watch his music video and I couldn't stop laughing at his head
Oh, yeah in the video because he has this huge head and then there's a part of the video where they're giving my haircut
And I kept thinking like they're preparing his head for the video
Where I will watch his giant head mover
That was on as a just having fun. So I was I was hard on the strong or Donald like during this whole zacko thing and I was like
Bro, like we're organized crime organization. Now. We're the Costa Nostra of comedy was
Oh, I like the sound of that Spanish. No, it's Italian. That was the that's cool
but that was that was the family of like the Gambino's and all those yeah, and
He told me that he's gonna
He's gonna get the monopoly on turtle races in Chicago
He's gonna get steel or by all the turtles from
Turtles
He's gonna have the monopoly at 10 Lizzie's and have the only turtle racing place in the city
If I said go in there and go talk to the guy who owns all the turtle races and you walked in the room
Not knowing who it was and Donovan was there. You'd probably think it was him
Well, I want all the turtle races like something about his vibe
Yeah, I told Don like I'll be like trust me. You'll know who owns all the turtle races when you see you
I told Donovan
Yeah, that could be one of our rackets you can be a capo you're in he's like I like how you just like took the took it from me
I was like, I mean I wasn't really asking and then I was like don't make me come
I'll get I'll use time to think about this, but don't make me come back in a different way
Yeah, I used to play the guitar in the mob. I was big with a capo. Yeah, nice
I like the movie
Kapo Kapo fear with Robert De Niro Kapo fear Cape Capo fear change that's the Spanish subtitle version
Hmm. Capo fear. There's this one guy. I think it's
No, just go
No, I met this guy this is actually this is actually something good
I met this guy Cleo's who's sitting right next to Dale. He had the honey homemade honey
What was he a bee?
Yeah, he's family. You're telling me his family has a bee farm. You met a bee. I know I met he made the honey though
I asked him about he didn't steal it from bees. I asked him if he had a beekeeper of it and I asked him like
Like how often do the beekeepers like get the honey off the harvest my little brother did bees
He says a few times a year the honey. Yeah, that's just tight
My little brother's like a chef and he did bees and oh, I should I should have asked me if he wanted to be a
Sponsor for a podcast. Yeah. Yeah, this be a good intro for an all-bee podcast. Don't interrupt me
I'm a bee. I'm a bee. I'm a mama bee. It's good keeper
Okay, I said not to interrupt don't interrupt me
So that was uh, so what about this? I'm fascinated by bees instead of stay scheme and it's bee keeping
People trying to get my honey. It's not as popular. I read for my bees
Yeah, it was actually nominated for a bee to you award. So maybe you're out of touch
So maybe pick the winning song. Hey guys. Hey patrons, if you know that song that uh, put the name of that song in the comments
And I'll give you a free month. Nice
You can get a free month
um
patreon.com slash bad comedy I heard is this new website
And guess what I just heard about this website patreon.com slash bad comedy. I've never heard of this. What is this?
Yeah, so you go in there. Please you can join this uh this podcast. It's really awesome
And all you gotta do is pay a monthly fee of $3.99
Which is like nothing. That's like a soda pop now
That's like how much it cost a park for one hour. Yeah, I mean and you would think that it's been 3.90 down for a while
You would think they would raise it because of inflation. Yeah, and so how popular it is. Yeah, basically
It's like the price of like a small sprite at mcdonald's wow. Yeah, because they've inflated and they had the spicy spray
Yeah, and we just kept their price. I mean they this website kept their price the same
It's basically a sent an episode if you subscribe nice
So that sounds cool. Yeah, there's like there's like 300 episodes. I think so you can
Be entertained for that's almost as many guys as there are isn't that movie the 300. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Almost 300 is almost as many guys as we're in the greek army against
The battle of thermopoly. Yeah, all those guys who fought blake berghart. I love the battle of the monopoly
We also are we have a go play berghart with a nose ring
Go fund me right now to raise money. We're trying to get uh wooden shoes and beekeeper outfits
So if you could help us out, we were at five dollars last time I checked and yeah, that was not nearly that was an anonymous guy
That wasn't me. Um
How do you know as a guy?
Oh, I'd also never posted the link anywhere, which I should probably do. Yeah. Oh, we should actually promote this
Yeah, oh, I know paper paper shirts also dude when you were having that big issue was echo ryan
We should have been posting about the shoes. We were getting a lot of eyes. We could have probably gotten enough money
We really squandered an opportunity here
I mean the main thing we want is the beekeeper outfits
So if you get us to that guys at least maybe we can pay afford the wooden shoes, but
I would just buy us beekeeper office by already spending all my money on dreadlock wigs
Yeah, bear me in my wooden shoes. Just know how much marijuana leaf bucket hats
You know every scent of the patreon goes to buying
props and stuff to
to entertain you guys
And we we wouldn't be able to have these corn outfits this goddamn cornucopia costs like a hundred dollars
We wouldn't be able to have these corn outfits without our amazing patrons
And if you're listening to this like a broke freeloader, yeah, then maybe uh
Join the patreon because there's another episode every week. That's always way better
Yeah, if you're a patron, I consider you a personal freak on a leash. Yeah, these first episodes are just kind of ironic
We're trying to be a bad cop podcast on purpose. The second ones are super funny when you tune in
We're just like talking about like our families and Thanksgiving and stuff. Yeah
Long lessons in life. I can't wait to look at the retention of that part
Yeah, it's gonna be brutal
You probably should have done it later in the episode
You could maybe say the irony thing first or
Um, so we're gonna experiment. I said when I say my gun is ironic. I mean that it's made of iron
But it's it's real it every thread is you're never joking about it. Yeah
I just know what ironic meant especially to all the people who are upset this week
Mm-hmm. Yeah, all the people that were worried for Zacharine's life
Yeah, I am worried for him. So yeah, I'm I'm a little bit worried for his life, too
I just don't want him to get hurt or in trouble before he refollows me on instagram
I just don't want him to make a mistake that might uh, you know jeopardize everything he has
Yeah, especially his ability to follow me on instagram. It sounds like his friends and family
Really thought that he would lose like whatever he has left. Yeah, that's kind of funny
Yeah, they thought that he's gonna lose every I mean he has so much to lose. He's got a bandana. He got one bandana one shirt
And his friends and family are like oh if he loses that bandana, he's gonna be
Yeah
Have you ever exactly do the joker he says this shit is bandanas?
B A N D A N A S
Imagine your own friends or family
This quick spelling this joe is bananas. Oh shout out Joe bananas. He's on the wall of fame
Uh, we love Joe bananas. We will be performing with Joe bananas tonight at end of the line
And you'll you'll catch this episode if you're a patron on sunday and if you're a free letter you get a tuesday
Just so you guys know if you're listening on youtube you get it two days earlier if you're on patreon
So that's early access plus an additional episode. Yeah, shout out all those guys in india and I can tell you on the patreon this week
Is this it probably? Yeah. Yeah, there's gonna be some fucked up shit folks
So um, so
Judge dread did he have dreadlocks? Yeah
Well, he would judge other people's dreadlocks. That's what that's what if anybody tries to cancel us for having dreads
If they judge us they are judge dread. Yeah, I do think our judge dread
Yeah riddle judge dreading riddle me that I just watched the 2012 judge dread it was called dread and it was great
Um, it's fucking cool. Hey. Hey listeners. Who do you know fresher than hove, huh riddle me that?
Uh big pippet
That was something I came up with I got my hove like jojoba. Is it recording?
So we've been uh, so this is has been a
One take podcast we haven't really been uh, they've all been recorded in one
time
H to the iso
Big shrimp in is a fish isle mine isle used to riddle down of you big shrimp dick little
Balls big shrimp dick. That's that's an axiomoron big shrimp dick like jumbo shrimp. Yeah big shrimp dick
I caught in the sea
Big shrimp dick tiny balls
Oh
Big shrimp
Four four big shrimp boat that's big shrimp boat with bubba gum
Uh catching shrimp should we uh talk about types of shrimp? I like how they make bubba retarded kind of shrimp
Uh, they all kind of were in that movie. Yeah
Yeah, shrimp taco shrimp flan, but then jenny she's not retarded, but she gets aids
Jenny is a two types of people in this world. Jenny is a massive whore
People who are borderline
Down syndrome if anybody's a fan of jenny in that movie. She might be the worst supervillain of all time. Yeah
She just fucked over this retard guy from so long
Our word is sorry. Let's just remember we are on youtube. I forgot
YouTube.com
Yeah, check out youtube if you're uh, if you're watching this on youtube, you're watching listening on spotify
This is an episode. It's probably better for youtube
Based on our outfits and youtube. I believe that you can get like youtube
television or pre you could subscribe on youtube to our channel if you're listening to shit on youtube play it loud on the train
Yeah, yeah, yeah
We prefer when our listeners listen to our podcasts off their phone on the bus
Yeah, I'll out it because then don't be a because we feel gangsta because normally people play gangsta rap off their phone
Don't be scary. I always like it's kind of like when I go to do my laundry
And I have the pod playing and then it's like kind of my rushing roulette is like, uh, what are they going to say?
Yeah, when I'm in the hallway, you know what jack Nicholson says he says, uh, no tiki no laundry
So he says not a parted
But he's talking to the chinese guys. Yeah, bro. Jack. Listen. He goes. I have the shining
Everybody says uh, the knights of columbus real headbreak is true guineas. Yeah, they says the n word at some point
I forget where he has this as uh, um, this ring the nights the nights of columbus
I mean that motorcycle movie with denis hopper used to be in the knights of columbus
Hopper were you at the nights of columbus in boston when you lived there?
Uh, no, the nights of the round table with karen arthur. They're real, uh, headbreakers true guineas
It's kind of like the white
Disciples
Yeah, I mean gangs
I think the white disciples or jesus's friends pretty sure
Oh, I was talking to dylan about this, you know, the black disciples. Well, there's the white disciples jesus's friends
Yeah, yeah, like the disciples. Um, but did you hear?
I don't know if it was all of us talking to just me and dylan or me and you but um, you might be in the bathroom, but jesus
He didn't yeah, we can burn these things. Yeah
Yeah, that's pretty good. Was it wasn't a nice to me to force it my spot to tie. I'm still gonna come but yeah
The side of the cross is really kind of like a gang sign. I was gonna just do that joke after not even trying it out anywhere
I was gonna do it tonight. Yeah, that would have been good. You're gonna sabotage your show
No
That that would crush. Yeah, so it's like you can't sabotage
I'm sorry. Jesus did not rise from the dead
It was his
Disciples his gang of goons they moved the rock and then they put him in a wheelchair and sunglasses on him
I was gonna do I'm gonna try this joke. It was like weekend at
Jerusalem
Weekend at Bethlehem. Yeah, no Nazareth weekend at uncle Muhammad's weekend in the lineup
Uh
Week weekend of the lineup
Week end of the line
Week
You should I think you should actually call us start of the line just change it. Yeah
He's gonna I didn't name it. I don't care. I wish I want to get rid of it. It's like herpes
Yeah
It's like a so in my lap just like herpes. It's just a little parasite on your shoulder
Selling my lap. It's like a tapeworm, but it's not making you skinny. Yeah
Yeah
How many tapeworms I gotta eat?
Because you've been eating the normal worms or scotch tape on them, right? Well, yeah, you gotta try the gorilla tape
I thought I was in a ringworm, but it was actually a ring camera
Dr. Tom will stop eating ring cameras. So um still in his favorite thing because he's a wrestler
He's the ring camera the wrestling ring people think that tapeworms are effective for weight loss squared circle
It's uh, it's glue worms that really are
Yeah, you just you just soak uh, you soak uh
Rock paper, rock paper scissors worm
Yeah, Jason's doctor told him he's gotta lay off the cake. You know who's doctor is he didn't say anything about icing
He's a doctor's doctor
He said he told him that you ever
You ever have a dick in your mouth in the south
That says a doctor's older because he's a doctor shoes. Yeah
We weren't listening we were cracking on about my joke
I was bringing back an old joke from the podcast
Hey, hey, hey
Where doctor said I had to cut down on the sugar. He didn't say anything about aspartame
It's nice. Yeah, I was referring to the clip where you uh, you talked about how
You're born purple because you got your dick red the first time. Yeah
And then the second time you said it, I think you get any for you fucking it up
I was gonna give you level five
And then I was like, you like no, no give me give me level five. Yeah
And then I said
Then you started doing it again, and then I was like, who's your doctor?
He said doctor's soos. He's he ever put a dick in your mouth in the south
I miss level five. I should probably look at this uh soundboard
I got choked by my mom's umbilical cord. It's kind of like that was like her dick
You know what I mean? What's the difference between that's the mom's dick umbilical cord
I'm what about umbral?
Because it's useless. Yeah
And uh, what I bring that on shark like umbral cord. Yeah, and it's like an um, uh, it's like an umbrella
But it's like an umbilical, you know holds it back into it back when I was in my mommy's tummy
I never had to worry about the weather
Mm-hmm. I was I was always inside. I was it. You're really sheltered. I uh, I was actually uh watermelon seed
What and then I grew I grew your part watermelon
I'm I'm mostly watermelon
So I deserve all the
Uh like native american stuff
God said be fruitful multiply. I said give me a give me a watermelon. Yeah, I'll be full. Yeah
That's right right now and then I said three times three is nine
Aren't you uh, I said be fruitful multiply. I said four times two is eight
All right, you're pregnant. You're pregnant with a watermelon, right? Yeah, I ate a pineapple and I said four times four is 16
Uh-huh. I was being fruitful multiplying. What's up? I got I got a pineapple went to went to pineapple express
You guys ever seen pineapple express the movie?
Yeah, so I said
It's just a rating on the pineapple
The movie or the fruit jeans. No the the uh, it didn't go the joke didn't go too well
Wait, wait, are you talking about pineapple express the movie or the fruit jeans the back broke express pineapple express
The restaurant. Are you talking about the fruit road?
It's Hawaii. Yes the pineapple express way
I asked if they'd seen any of them under what and they said no
I was like, well, this isn't a good bid
And my pants fell down because I wasn't wearing my bible belt
So embarrassing you should have worn your slim straight jeans. Yeah, or your leather pants or the boots of the fur
Need a belt, you know, your gay fat jeans really clash with your bible belt because the bible says
Uh-huh. That's wrong to be gay. I like having such tension right right
You could add you could add those to tell you your slim straight jeans
Um, it looks like fat and gay. So I got a bible belt. So I'm not sinning. Yeah, you should do you should have this
Your shirt can't pull it out. You should add uh, a what? Jesus. A chick a chick a slim straight jeans
My name is a wear it. What?
I'm slim slim straight jeans. What?
What turns out is fat gay jeans. Uh, will the real will the real slim straight jeans please stand up?
Because I could use a pair
These are fat and gay as hell
It'd be cool to have a belt buckle. That's like a crucifix
That would be pretty sick, dude. I wish I saw that my confederate belt
Right on my dick
I could I like picture a country rock singer. I mean, sorry a Christian rock singer
We're like one of those belt buckles. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be cool
I go ladies, you're not gonna take this belt off of me until we're married. The uh, you know, I met Scott staff
I met Scott darling
Well women believe in name drop because we're mess guys are all like no
I met him. You guys have never met him
That was his that was his uh the guy he has around
Just got darling. We'll not I hope he perishes
Our beautiful patron's got darling. Yeah, well, we're on the free episode anyway
So I would like to freely say Scott darling
I've never met him. Yeah, he hasn't ever met him. That's his uh, he uses a double. Yeah, that's not dorky
I'll tell you what I don't want to meet him
All I hear of him is say violent stuff. I would like that. He wants to fight Mack for flashing a gun at him
No, that's a different guy. No Scott's got our back. He's on he's on the good side
Wait, you talking about the Scott of the toilet paper dynasty. Yeah, Scott called me. He's on
Scott's Scott uh, Macko and Zach toilet paper. Yeah, but he doesn't like to talk about the
toilet paper stuff great Scott
What about toilet is strange some like the toilet paper?
Scott family
It's fucked up that I never met Scott drawing because I actually went to Scotland looking for him. Oh really?
Yeah, you think you would find them. I searched far and wide. I was scottish. They're kind of like
Yeah, they're kind of like Scott darling. Yeah
I met some people. Yeah, we're scottish, but I didn't meet the real genuine artifact. Oh the real Scott my my uh
My friend's dad his name's Scott
You know, really? That's pretty good. Jared. Where is he from Scotland?
Nice
Uh, whatever our first picture Jared who doesn't listen
Tell Jason said that. Yeah, I'll tell him. Yeah. Oh, I'll tell Scott that. I guess just text him. Yeah
Dumb ass. I just like saying. Hey Scott, where are you from? Scotland?
Man, we should have Scott back on the podcast. Just say that to him. Grillin' about the scott
What are you in the Scotland yard? Yeah
Where's your favorite place to hang out?
Bothwell middle school. What do you wear?
The yard or the country you're from? Scotland. What's your favorite kind of tape?
Scotch tape. What's your favorite kind of drink? Scott?
You got a Scotch tape worm
Idiot dude. If we do if we run into a scott, we don't like they're gonna get punished.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Good thing we like Scott darling. Yeah, take him off his high horse. You know, he's always so confident not like up there shaking nervous
Like a baby. No, that's his double. It's sort of his gimmick
Looking scared on stage. What are you in here?
He's new. Yeah, I read directly off my phone for like he's scary. He's scary.
Not so big up there without your bagpipe. Are you? Yeah
I like that. Not so big up there without your
20 pounds of padding
That's what he was. He wish he had a big heavy mask. Yeah. Oh
He should I hope he has his goalie equipment so that he can wear it to walk in the gazelles
in front of me
The kill and what the
some
shoulder pads maybe
Yeah
Like a hockey helmet or something. Yeah, let's go back to this tone from back in the day
The only interesting thing about hockey anyways is the icing punty
Yeah, my doctor said I need to cut down on the cake but he didn't say anything about icing. Nice
Yeah, if you and my doctor gives you recommendations, you can just go off like on things that are close to it
Like they don't need yeah, don't need uh, like deep dish pizza. Have you told me you eat dish pizza?
So you just get but what's the thin cross pizza? But you didn't say anything about pie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
You just gotta you got to read between the lines of your doctor's advice and then still have the same harmful effect on your body with something
That's similar to what they said. You're still following doctor's orders technically
And doctors you don't follow doctor's orders. You can go to jail. Yeah according to zacko. Yeah. Yeah
That's what zackos lawyer told me. I was assumed my doctor's
Winking with with two eyes. Yeah. Well, my doctor is 20 feet tall
He looks hates Nancy Pelosi. Whoa
Yeah
I don't know why he hates Nancy Pelosi so much man 20 feet tall. How's he even getting into office?
Yeah, I was getting into Nancy's office. Is he like a super tall? That's a good shot at office
January 6th is about that. Should we do is about a bunch of funny people with the office
We should do an office. We can make this show kind of like the office. Yeah
Yeah, we could do that. Luna says like the office should do and then it's like Dylan says something weird and then me and
Mac look at the camera like oh my god, that guy's weird. Yeah, I just kind of like
I was like Dylan's being so weird right now. Also, Jim Halper face. He could get zacko
Well, I will help her. I want Dylan to be the
Actually, the favorite harder guy Kevin has to be Jason for uh,
Who would oh you're uh, Toby
Yeah, that makes sense. He gets walked on a lot and then I'm Jim. I guess you're uh, no you're Steve Carell's character
That's fine. Oh, yeah, you're retarded and you're always bossing us around. Yeah
Yeah, I like that. What about Steve Kyron?
Oh
Yeah, I like that and he's uh, he's just like basically Steve Carell, but he's uh, light skin black and his dreads
Steve Carell. I'm sure I'm like Steve Kybert. It was like Steve Colbert. What about Steve Kylane? Oh
How about Steve? How about how about Kaya Haran?
It's Kaya Osborn and like that Kyron. What about uh,
what about uh,
uh, Kyron Osborn. Osborn uh, Osborn sister-owns
Talent Osborn sister-owns. Yeah, you have nothing
Um, I love watching people get told that they have no talent and that they'll never make it. Yeah, that's what I'm a huge fan of semen
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Just tell them they have semen call in my opinion demon. Oh, yeah, he's mean. He's mean
How about Simon says be a little nicer to everybody? Simon says a lot of mean shit
I'm a highman says I'm a virgin Simon says a lot of mean shit like that Simon says you have no talent
How do I play my joke? I just it was so clever. What'd you say?
Hyman says I'm still a virgin
Uh, there was a I worked at a school
With like uh, these four if you have a hymen
I was a recess monitor for a lunch monitor for these fourth graders
And there was this kid his name was hymy or something
And I accidentally called him hymen because I didn't know his name. I thought everyone was calling him hymen
I was like, that's a weird name
But I'm not gonna question it because I'm just trying to do my job
And I go I go hymen
Get in line and I was like his name's not hymen
Because you know kids always like to correct you. Yeah, they were too young to realize that a hymen is a pussy. Yeah. Thank god
That could have gone way worse for that kid
If they knew that it was a pussy thing they would
But it is a virgin. Is this the same school that uh, I think Jeffrey azmus was working at?
He worked at very shortly. What happened? Well, I don't know. They did background checks. I remember
I know you guys worked together. I don't know if the whole story. I remember
Normal they said we had to redo our background check and then he just didn't show up the next day
Really? Yeah, like I think and then he like left town
What? Yeah, he started doing comedy all over the country, but you said you had he left behind like a
A flash drive or something. There was a flash drive. I was scared of putting my computer. Yeah
I don't want to get it. It's a whatever whatever files. Well, it's a cp. It probably stands for computer
I think it was like he's a child person
Yeah
He's good with kids. I think the flash drive
I mean it's got a simple for a computer because you put the flash over the computer or cp. Yeah, it's probably a computer person
He's a computer person. So it's probably just like a computer or maybe it was cheese pizza because we did eat a lot of pizza
Oh, yeah, uh-oh. I heard pizza game might be real
Pizza dude pizza is good. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. What's your favorite kind? I cheese
I like uh, I like luma Nadia's a lot. That's my favorite deep dish like a fresh
Luma luma Nadia sounds like a guy you'd go bowling with yeah. Hey me and luma Nadia are going bowling. You want to come?
Yeah, yeah, or a guy who uh, we're gonna be a guy who extorts you for money or something. Yeah
Yeah
Uh
My name is luma Nadia. Why do you think uh, al Capone like to like to put a like he had to put a capo on
That's a guy's name al capone. Oh, I haven't shown you my al capo on on the third fret fret
What about al Paco al al Paco cone? Oh, I like that
And he's it's al like he's the mob boss of Chicago, but he's a al Paco
You know, yeah, we went and me and my girl went and saw al Paco's you could pet their necks
There was al al Paco Pone there. Did you see them pictures of me with al Paco's? I saw those pictures of you
I did a root beer friday
I'm gonna stop correcting you because I got corrected like 20 different times the thanksgiving
Corrected on what? Oh my grammar
I'd be like me and him to be him and I
Yeah, so nobody says
Whoever corrected you like
No, I'm gonna say me and him
I'm gonna I'm gonna talk like this and I have the freedom to talk like this
And you can correct me as much as you want, but I'm gonna talk bad. Yeah, it's a free country
I could talk like I'm poor if I want to that's what I yeah, yeah
You guys what do you have?
Who's uh, he's telling me this is my hammer. No the hammer nice
Yeah, this was an award I got
You got an award
Yeah years ago when I was useful
You just been taking around with you. No, I was gonna use in my intimidation video. Oh nice
Just have it sit in here, but kind of wouldn't balance very well, but that's awesome. Yeah, it's because I'm tougher than nails
I love that or if you hammer people down
Well, I have in my bag my brother's nickname in sports is hammer your gay brother. No
because it's
My other brother's not interesting
It was the worst of pulling out
women
I like that. That's really good. I like that. That's actually good. Not like really good. It's for yeah
Well, what do we say when a joke's actually good? I don't know
It's never happened. It's never happened before they say like get off the stage or something
No, I think it's actually you're kicked off the podcast. Yeah bad comedy. You can't say
The things that are actually funny
But so why did you get the Pikachu corn? I just got the corn dude. I just searched fake corn. That's what I got
Look, it was hard to get this stuff together
You could have just gotten the cornucopia and then just like uh getting some really cheap just like actual corn. Yeah
That was out there
Said I spent yeah
I you know how much real corn I could have bought to get the money I spent on that fake corn like uh,
probably loads
80 cops
I could have filled a hobo soup. How much is a cob? Maybe we should get a cob commodities a cob is one of those the
Cobotities. Yeah, cob is one of those the commodity sounds like somebody with a stuffy nose or jewish guy saying commodities commodities
Yeah
Why are you always sick man? Yeah
Yeah, I was a big commodity the hunchback of noture cob
Oh the
Hunch bob of noture keen
Ah need a haircut in a real cob
Yeah, I think after today I'm probably gonna do fun. I'll probably I'll probably get a haircut all cobs or bastards
Well, this is a great show cobs. Yeah cobs. It was yeah. Why did they take it down? They were like bad bad
Cobs, yeah
You're a good food. Yeah
My george
You're a good food. You're a good food when you're on my plate. Yeah
Who can I call for some corn? Nobody don't want no
Split peas. Nobody don't want no beans
They're burying in my beekeeper outfit burying in my wooden shoes and throw some cobs in there. Yeah
What about the corn and steen corns? Oh
Yeah, it's kind of weird because no one remembers that. Yeah, they remember it as well
They remember it as corn to the C. It was really corn to the K. What is that called?
The mandela effect the cornedela effect
I think that's a good way to close this one off
The corn effect
Guys, patreon.com slash bad comedy. That's where the funny episodes are
That's where the guest episodes are the funny ones. We also released these two days earlier on there
It's 3.99 that's basically a cent per episode
It's it's child's corn. We didn't raise prices with inflation
Like most people did January 10th at comedy bar live show January 10th comedy bar
Yep at a corn comedy bar. Yeah, go to corn comedy.com corn comedy bar.com
Pick the Chicago brand. No, don't go to that. I'll get your cargo stulk
I'll get you a corn. I'll get you all a link at some point makes the sick flyers
Make some fucking we'll get some merch. Yeah, dude. Yeah
Have a coot go. Yeah
Catch me to end the line
In the audience because I'll probably get my spot just one else
Um, and then
What do you got?
Just follow me at comedy baddie and come see me at zany's on the 28th of
November 2023
Only do that matters 915
January 10th live show. It's jason birthday. It's my birthday. It's my birthday as a birthday present you guys
Can you just an anniversary of your album? Yeah, look at the camera and say this guy jason
Yeah, let's say what excuse me while I look at the sky. Yeah, can you look at the camera and say
Please for my birthday. It's my birthday. Please my birthday
Pretty, please come to my comedy show. No, not like that pretty please. No do acting. I'm just a little baby. Yo
Yo, so you know
Babysito now do do uh do like a desperate desperate adult that really wants to come do show on his birthday. Damn it. You can't be a
speak english
A different cage. Yo, so you know, um, I know
My birthday is juneteenth
Yeah, uh, man, too. It was any day in june. It's a little baby. I'm i'm juneteething
I'm getting my teeth. I'm uh, you're being taught racism as a minor
I always thought when I was a baby, I always thought I was a Wayne Brady turned out as a baby the whole time
Yeah, a little Wayne Brady a little Wayne Brady
All right folks, uh anything else guys
Amen. Well, thanks for coming on boys
What have you found out that bad man was actually a little Wayne Brady?
Oh, did you guys learn anything new today?
Yeah, I learned there's just one race the human race and there's just one audience the human audience
Yeah, which you'll hear in a few days
Uh
Corn wait, wait, we never what are you guys thankful for?
I'm thankful for uh corn
I'm grateful for gratitude. I'm grateful for my good feeling my soul to keep I think that
grateful for yeah
My soul to keep and uh, i'm jonathan hickark davis. This has been uh,
I'm the real slib straight jeans
Zecro welch and
I'm the
Train man. We love you
But bye. We'll see you at comedy bar
in after a couple of episodes corn and then so
Every week listen to these plugs and then we'll remind you just gonna forget jane already done corn rows today
Do your hand by