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Where we make fun of MC lightsay

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Why does he have a dangly earring

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But we like it more than Bob King Bob King Bob King

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Welcome to bad comedy

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Where the hosts and guests are gay

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And to hear it you have to pay

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Welcome to bad comedy

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Welcome to bad comedy podcast folks. My name is Jonathan Hickock Davis and I got a lot of guns

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I'm here with what's up. This is

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Zach O'Brien Welch from corn nice

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We got Jonathan Taylor Thomas the train

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Thank you nice. Yeah, so this is he was supposed to be the bassist

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Monkey from corn, but we figured that that might these days of the name

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Yeah, that's why guy wearing dreadlocks might give off the wrong connotation

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So we decided to bleep that out. But corn was a little edgy with that. We're corn. Yeah, so we dress like corn as a

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Thanksgiving

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Thanks Thanksgiving. Hope you guys are having a cornucopia of time

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Yeah, hope you guys are listening to corn

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And yeah, I mean these are these are real wigs. So he has Brian Welch's wig

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He is a monkey MUNK wise wig and I have

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Jonathan Davis's wig you guys feel this way when it's Thanksgiving like you you go around your families and you know that you're like kind of

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You're a crazy person who likes to go nuts

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Yeah, but when you're around your family, you can't really go nuts because your family's there

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So it makes me feel like a freak on a leash. Yeah, I hate

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They try to limit your wine intake, you know, you know, you know, I was younger I worked in a in a mortuary

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What yeah, dude, I'm Zach. Oh well, I've known you for years and I didn't know that when I was younger before corn

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I used to dress up dead bodies. What actually dude legitimate. That's kind of disrespectful to the family

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Look at that. But that's but that's why I think it's cool is being disrespectful

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Also, my dad was one of the pianists of a steely Dan

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I think his name that's your dandosimo

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It's actually named after a dildo from the book. These are all real Jonathan and Davis facts that I'm saying

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Actually, so he would dress the dead bodies, but would he undress them first that I feel like is probably most likely

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Yeah, that sounds a little problematic. Yeah, you know that should we cancel Jonathan Davis? Yeah for for

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I'm at fucking with that bodies

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Shout out to Jonathan Davis. He also invented Garfield. Mm-hmm. Yeah

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Yeah, that's this Jonathan Davis is the best cartoon. I think

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Here's what I've been thinking about Garfield is they got John talks. He's got a talk bubble

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Garfield he just has thoughts. They're a thought bubble. Mm-hmm, but OD he doesn't even think

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Oh, the audio audio audio. Oh, he is like Terry Shiva. He's just like it's like a flat line and it said

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Wouldn't that be funny if you find out that he was inspired by Terry shy

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Yeah, I'm gonna fight Terry Shiva or Terry Cruz. Who's Terry Cruz? Yeah, CREWS

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Yeah, I think it'd be a close one

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That's the funniest character cheeseburger Eddie I got the fries that across your eyes if I was Terry Shiva

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I'd be like you can't kill me. I'm already dead. Yeah, but you could rain dead

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I can say it. He's nice. Yeah, I was like how you're saying the corn guy is balding and he's still

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No, Stevie Wonder

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Okay, Stevie Wonder is bald in the front and then huge dreads in the back. He looks really nuts. Yeah

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I'll tell you what I'll tell you what as corn if any of you guys fuck with any other like

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Like plants or any crops

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Will I was gonna say something cool fuck. I was gonna say something about grain

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I was gonna ride grain with something. Well, I actually have cauliflower ears. So I feel like I'm kind of oh

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Appropriating corn culture. Well, we have the wig to cover this up is Brian Zekko Welch. I

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My favorite sweetener is corn syrup

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Cardi B's Brian Roe Welch

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Brian Roe Welch like the Cardi B's babies named culture with the K

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It's kind of like oh, I like that way child of the corn. Yeah, baby. That's corn inspired

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Yeah, that's what my dad is trying to impress us. He'll put his he'll text us with a cool spelled with a K

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That's cool. Does he do this?

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I'm like anybody says that hey, it's your father does he do the our backwards?

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Yeah, but sorry backwards and father is unintentional. Yeah, that was the intro portion you guys do the

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Podcast with the podcast portion we're gonna talk about our days

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This thing's giving me and my family played Scrabble

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You did and my mom put down the word corn actually

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But I told her she had to take it back because it didn't have a backwards are no no

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No, I wanted to use the backwards are time. No, no, I wasn't talking about doing bits

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I wanted to kind of just talk about what we're doing. I wasn't listening. I was thinking about a bit. Yeah, yeah

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No, what'd you say? No, I just want to ask how you guys think it was your day and how's your life?

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Okay, hold on. How's your Thanksgiving?

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I'll tell you what I did first. Yes, I went to my my aunt's house and she lives in

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She's in like Albany Park. Oh nice

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It might my aunt's house, you know, yeah, not like the bug

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I love Albany Park. It's got a rich diversity there. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a good neighborhood

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And then we had a bunch of family that was there. It's always good to see my grandma Gigi

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and then

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My Jewish uncle Len was there. We had this in-depth conversation about

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Religion is an inherently good or bad or bad for society?

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Yeah, and I didn't pretty deep and then we we we

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Our solution was that there's no one knows we'll ever know

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Yeah, it's hard to say right because because one on the one side, let me say it's cool

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That your grandma Gigi was there because you guys spend time with your you know, your grandparents

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You're not gonna be around forever. They're not gonna be around forever. They really won't yeah

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I saw my grandma to I have one I mean

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I left and I saw her and it meant a lot to me

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You never know how many years you have left. No, I feel that's why I mean you guys put something people like Michael Myers, too

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Yeah, yeah, you can't take those these precious moments for granted. How's yours? What would you get up to?

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I just kind of hung out relaxed sometimes. I like to take some time to just kind of hang out relax

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Yeah, that's good, you know, just unwind

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Did he need turkey? He gets in turkey. I think I I didn't eat turkey this year. Oh wow

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I guess I didn't really do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got you got me. I mean, I'll be honest

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I believe in the traditional Thanksgiving, you know, I like going all out turkey stuffing mashed potatoes the works covered on gravy

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Yeah, dude, I hope you guys don't get upset of me, but I'm actually vegetarian. So I had a tow furky

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It was it's not as bad as you think a tow for it's not as bad as you think that's kind of cool

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Yeah, I mean I respect that well, thanks for being respectful, you know, just like your religion talk

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It's like we there's different points of view on things like some people have different

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Diets that they eat right and people have different religions different diets and you just kind of got a I mean except everybody

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Yeah, what they are for who they are doesn't have to be about comedy. You know, you know, did you guys watch any football?

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I actually didn't I come I watched some of the Cowboys game

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Okay, so I was kind of confused because normally the Bears play the Lions on Thanksgiving, right? They didn't this year

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Yeah, I always remember watching the Lions. I remember what I was watching some I got to my Thanksgiving a little late

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So I watched them. What do they call that highlights and stuff?

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I go pairs. Yeah, I was like watching those highlights, you know, instead of the whole game you can just kind of see a bunch of the plays and

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Some people say our attention span is a shorter light

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Or sorry, our generation has a shorter attention. Dude. I mean think about it think about it think about cable TV

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How far that's gone down and how big tic-tac and Instagram have become it's because of that. Yeah, there's so many users

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Yeah

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This is like user to 25

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There's a bad boy comedy just some specific users. Yeah, right

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When I was a kid we so we didn't even have a TV I'd have to I was reading this book

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I mean hey reading the book now. That's that's something this next generation won't even understand

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Hey Dylan is what is a book? I just I want to say that we don't judge you for not having that much money growing up

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I think that and any

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Economic class is okay in my yeah, I know I think I don't judge people based on their class or their skin color of the

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Their creed. Yeah. Yeah, sorry go ahead continue some of some times those things are kind of related. Yeah true very true

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You were reading books. Yeah, I was very that's very inter

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Galactic

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Introspective

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Inter-dimensional intermittent intertwined. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. What do they call it? There's feminism and then there's inter-something

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feminism intersex

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Intersexual fit. Yeah, I think that's very intersexual intersex. Uh-huh. You're trying to remember a word

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Yeah, oh my god. I swear it's related to the again the attention span one thing one thing that

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Like we didn't have a Thanksgiving was a cornucopia and I told you I love the traditional things

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Yeah, so I'm so happy that we got to have a because you can't have Thanksgiving without a cornucopia

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It's a staple. It's kind of crazy. It looks like a bugle, right? It kind of looks like a bugle. Yeah, I love bugles

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It reminds me of my fingers pretend I'm Freddy Krueger

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I used to do that when I was a kid, I know dude that road trip with my family pretend

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You're a woman with nails. Oh my god. Also

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That's funny. Also while you're on the road trip

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Combos, you know, I love combos. No one's ever I don't think anyone's ever had combos on a car. Yeah

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Yeah, you know, there's people out there with Thanksgiving. They don't have they can't afford this big

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Gracious meals we have and all they have for Thanksgiving is combos. Yeah, and my heart goes out to them

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Yeah, what I've always said is there's people starving in China, you know, because there are and then combos

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Send a good snack. You should snacks and I mean, I am I'm with sending them combos

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Yeah, you know instead of donating 25 cents a day to a company that might be embezzling it

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Send combos to the starving children in Africa folks. It's gonna take ownership of it. Yeah, I feel like they should make a corn combo

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They'll be good. I like that. I

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Maybe like a lotase. Yeah, what about like a pumpkin pie one?

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And so it's got like the cross on the outside and the pumpkin in the inside. Well, I'm not even considered

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Combos, yeah, I think it's a really bad idea. I need to talk to I'm hearing different opinions on this

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And I like that we could have we don't always have to agree on so so

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Yeah, I mean, I mean we don't need to agree on everything we can all agree on that

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I mean, how about we'll both email combos all off of the idea you send the counter idea and then we'll see what they kind of

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Think I remember I drove up to

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Burger King one day and they said would you like to try a combo meal and I was like, how about just a bag of combo?

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The story that never happened. Why do you think that didn't happen?

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Talk about Thanksgiving like the times we had we're talking about combos a little bit every year just stop as well

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Please stop

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What is the way and I remembered a story about I went to get no you didn't know we get a fast food place and the word combo on the

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Combo meal reminded me of the food combos, which I also enjoy and they gave you three small

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It's a funny story a little bit, but I wasn't intent. I wasn't making up a bit

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It was a I know it didn't happen. We believe that you were in

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Okay, you know my whole life. Can you please just cut off the comedy for a second? I'm not doing any comedy. What are you thankful for this year?

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I

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Jason's jokes

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Coming down on me right now crazy

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I'm going through a lot of my personal thankful for a civil conversation that we could be having

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Can we have a civil conversation? I was trying to until I got accused of being a liar, which I do not know

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I'm accusing you of saying a joke Jason's gonna say that story was a lie. Yeah is not a lie

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Yeah, it is. So how do you feel about that? You're just gonna just not gonna accept me Jason and when I say that

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So how can we have any conversation? I think you lie you don't believe I think that's a threat

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I say that's a threat. There's no threat happening. Okay. I would never threaten you. I I care about you deeply

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And that's why I want you to believe I care about you too. I love been doing research

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It's a family time you guys

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Yeah, I love you guys. I'm sorry. I'm getting so hung up on this. That is the real point. Yeah

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I'm grateful for you guys. I

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Love you back. Yeah, I said I love you. I said I love Mac, but I love you too Dylan

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Yeah, like yeah, like a little bit less we all love

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I don't know how

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Yeah, and YOLO you only live your life once so make sure to spend it with the ones you love

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Especially before they pass away. I think love isn't it's not just a quantitative thing

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It's also a qualitative thing like I feel like I have a different type of love for you guys, right? Yeah

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Yeah, I mean, I don't love you guys the way I love my mom or my girlfriend

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Yeah, I like it's special kind of like you don't like you don't love us. We live your girlfriend. No, why not? No offense, but uh

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You know me and my girlfriend are a little closer. Oh

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Exactly, so I mean well also sex which I believe love should always be probably

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We don't want to get demonetized we probably shouldn't say so. Well. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah

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I don't want to get too sexual here. I mean our sex is not something offensive. I think it's a beautiful

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Exhibition of our love for each other and it's a very loving act. Yeah, but if it's being used without

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Procreation we probably shouldn't talk about it

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Yeah, I guess yeah, that could be debatable online. So yeah, I don't want to stir any controversy. Yeah outcome to I hate when people stir controversy

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I do too. It's it's insane

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I I don't get it. Just why you make why are you creating a hub up? Just mind your own business mind your own business

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Yeah, people all these people

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Online aren't there enough problems in the world? I know that you're gonna stir some controversy. Yeah, you could be creating

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Producing you could be righting solving. Yeah producing show putting your energy into something creative. Yeah, good point

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So I've all these bullies people are yeah

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They're on Facebook arguing in the comments and it's

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Oh my gosh, I just take a step back like okay time to log off. Yeah grandma. Is that you arguing on a Facebook?

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My grandma Google alerts about

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Get a guy get like threat someone getting threatened or something. Yeah, my grandma. Wow my grandma uses Google Analytics a lot

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Wow, that's very high tech. So does Steven Hofstadter's actually Steven Hofstadter. Um, is Grammy's a sand comedian? Yeah

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I've heard of him. Yeah, he's I think I've seen some of his funny clips. Well

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Oh, yeah, I actually am a big fan of Steven Hofstadter and I think that I mean

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They shouldn't do a class action lawsuit. Everyone has got destroyed by him against him

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Yeah, I think they shouldn't do that. Is that like it? No, that was something

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No, that was something I thought would be a bad idea if they did. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah for sure for sure

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Um, I'm gonna find it Hofstadter man. We can make a song that was good. That was a good segue to the

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To the bad comedy podcast. Oh, yeah, what about the bad comedy podcast?

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We can talk about DJ Darcy and oh like the what we can talk about like

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Bob Keen DJ Darcy. These are all people that everybody well because that was that was a podcast portion the normal podcast portion

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Oh, we're done with the podcast and we're now we're going to the bad comedy. So it you just kind of laugh these cues

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I have no idea what's going on

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Be the worst guy improv probably probably almost ever. Yeah

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Yeah, because we're trying to have a serious conversation

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For dinner Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, and you'd keep cracking jokes when I try to go back into the joke

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You the combo joke that was not a joke. It was a funny story that was from reality about combos a topic

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We were talking about it was right on topic and you want to talk about I know that you had enough is a

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no, no, no, you did not as broke the you broke the fourth wall to accuse me of being a liar

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You did not confuse

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Combo's the snack you eat on the road with

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I'm I confused the a combo meal. I

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I absolutely you did not confuse a burger King combo meal with combos the snacks you get on the road

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I did not yeah, I confused it. I said I they asked me if I wanted to try a combo meal and I thought you confused it

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I actually thought wow there was no

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Confusion sides now that's you said you're sorry now. No, no, it's even further shows that it was a lie

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I was simply told a story. Please go back and re listen to this. I wrote it all down

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I

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I actually recorded it I ever recorded your computer

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No, I ever so we can go back and look at it ever quarter of my pocket. Let's play

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I secretly record you

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Listening this can all because I said it simply reminded me about how much I love combos and maybe one combos instead of Burger King

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No, you didn't say that. Yes, certainly did

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Jason was trying to do improv. I'd say no way. Yeah. Yeah nice

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Let's go to the I wasn't doing any improv because I was just trying to talk to you guys like human beings guys

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I want to segue from

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That good podcast to the bad comedy podcast. Okay. Thank God that shit so that was that was I like those good podcast

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Yeah, we're now we're gonna do I honestly think I could do that for the rest of my life

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What if we did that and it just got way better

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We did it with Sam Priest for like 30 minutes. Yeah, we like dress nice. I think you were there. No, I'm sad

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I was watching back

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The old

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Cliffs did well because they were so long

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So boring

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So we apologize for

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That whole thing but no

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Especially with Sam Priest who's

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Yeah, dude, I love those old clips of us to talking about how much we love comedy and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, like I do

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People working

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We got big plans

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You commented on Facebook on I think it was that

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Like a bunch of laughs like yeah, that made me feel like you see a Jason was like defending zack

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Well, he didn't he probably not

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Let's save all the zacko talk for the paywall. So if you want to zacko talk of patreon.com so I made comedy. Yeah, you gotta pay for that shit

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I don't know if you heard the opening song, but

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It's you know pay for it. It says in the that corn song. Yeah

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So we made it before we decide to throw all these bro keys of bone. Yeah, we're not giving you broke use of

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Maybe buck up and hit subscribe. Oh shout out to new patrons Billy Dottaro and Cam honey badger

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Maybe buck up and be and be

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Hey, crazy bitch

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Maybe buck cherry and be a crazy bitch to new patrons shout out to cam honey. Yeah, and other guy Billy Dottaro Billy Dottaro

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And we're back sorry we had to take a quick break

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Zach O'Riang kicked down the door of the podcast studio. I thought it was secure and he tried to beat us up, but we

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Uh, what I did is I broke a window

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Scared him away. I broke my own window. Dude ran away. He fled. Wow. Don't tell him anymore

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Some other crazy stuff happened, but if you want to hear about it, you gotta join patreon.com slash band comedy

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00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:35,200
That's true. There's more to the story. It's only there's a bunch of other stuff that happened

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You know, you know, and you would never know about it. I know

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I just learned 99 so I like our new patrons cam and yeah Billy did Billy shout out to them guys Billy tomato

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Remember that these people we have to give summaries for complete strangers

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Well cam your past guests we love them, you know to cam cam

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You should you should go by cam honey ham. Yeah, this full name is camera honey ham. Yep, and Billy Dottaro Southside comic

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We appreciate you

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Don't more I got to Billy I believe I sound like a bit your criminal. I respect that

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We do love criminal patrons shout out to criminals or some of our favorites. I love crime and I hate the cops

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We like patrons that are criminals or have cool names

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For the most part but Billy

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if you want to

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Help me the zacko situation if you fund a police it's more crimes

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Come up north and join my secure security detail

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I kind of want to defend the police here actually Jason. Oh

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Okay, it's a great band. Oh, yeah

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Barbarian I hate

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sending out a Nessos

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They do that song. That's the police. Damn. Yeah

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Sorry, oh shit. Yeah

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Said yeah, when they say defund the police. I'm like sting is a good singer

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Mm-hmm. Why are they trying to take down this band? I love sting the wrestler also

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Yeah, but the message when sting punches you you go. Oh that stings

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Yeah, no it's stung

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This character Zach O'Ryan was attacking the comedy gazelle, which is a great publication

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We got it's an amazing magazine. It is my favorite thing is an African gazelle sub-saharan African gazelle

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Yeah, you never chase by a man. I just watch videos

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Mm-hmm on YouTube. I type in elephant Jason wants to be lying so bad

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I was talking to an African Uber driver. Oh, yeah, that is a

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Somalian but he was most recently living in Kenya

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I know an African Tesla driver his name is Elon Musk and then I told him I actually know more about Africa than you

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Po I know more about Africa than you on my didn't this guy's been married three times. Oh, yeah. Yeah

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He built a heaven his brother built a house in Somalia for his mom to live in what a nice thing to do

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Mm-hmm. That's cool. He's currently trying to get married to this girl

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It's an effort trying to get her back here somebody said how many how many Africans you want to come to your comedy show tonight

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I said some all of yeah, yeah, they said he's Somali and I said

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Oh, yeah, you're Somali are guys said because he's all pirate. I'm the captain. I said our go home. He makes

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Yeah, I'm the captain now. All right, you're the captain now. It's kind of weird how the pirates there

293
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Not really that much like the pirates to late the Caribbean back in the day

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They're a little bit different like they have like small speedboats and and like a fully auto machine guns

295
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Yeah, but I like the old how do they pull the trigger if they have a hook for a hand. I don't know. Yeah seems difficult

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Yeah, I wonder they saw the parrots on their shoulders

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The parrot not a parent

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It was a parrot Tom Hanks was really the captain before is that right?

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Okay, well, he was captain really captain that was captain so Lee Sullenberger. That was actually now he was

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I'm pretty sure he was the captain of that ship before he moved to Philadelphia

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I got and died from AIDS, you know, you know, it was really

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Sully my day is crashing into the Hudson. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know Sully my day

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Getting haunted by Sully the monster monsters. Oh

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Like Mike was asking

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Mike was asking is kind of like the Adam Gilbert of Monsters Inc

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If you told me you met somebody named Mike was out ski at the open mic yesterday, I would know you I would be like, okay

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Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I never seen he's a little green guy. Okay. Okay, what big one big guy?

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Um, but he's also his last name was out ski. So he doesn't he doesn't know make ice Mike was out ski is not funny

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Honestly neither Sully don't mean to talk shit at name names. Yeah

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weak like a

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lame character just an old boring eyeball, you know what I love him, but he shouldn't be doing comedy

312
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It's depressed. Also, you know, who's not funny. Sorry Dylan. This might offend your family, but Groot Groot

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Okay, well overrated baby Yoda. Shut up. Yeah, he's a one. He's a one word

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Who are all these? Yeah, people adore these little characters. Hey, guess what? They're not real

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Okay, I feel like you've been tricked, you know, you just like they're like we took this old guy and made him young and everyone's like

316
00:26:27,180 --> 00:26:32,580
Woohoo, but when I pitched hot job of the hut, nobody gave a fuck. Could you where'd you fish that?

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00:26:32,580 --> 00:26:38,300
Fucking weird. Yeah, what is this at least numbered 15 you've been there, dude? I swear

318
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They're bringing me on to make fun of me. Why do they keep having you back?

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And why do you keep going and I swear it's gonna end up like the movie the Joker. Yeah, yeah

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Keep having me on your show for a laugh save that for the

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Keep having you on

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Huh save save that because you don't mark Cuban here. He leaves a list. Yeah, I wanted yeah

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He's only a public listener mark Cuban too cheap to pay for our patreon go figure. This are wonderful. Actually is a patron

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Oh nice shout out to mr. Warp our patron mr. We're like him. He's our favorite shirt

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But we kind of an ironic name because he's a nasty guy. We hate mark Cuban

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Isn't it funny his name's mark Cuban, but he's like the opposite of a communist. Yeah

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Should change his last name to scowl. Yeah, he's mean he's like you're so bad at singing you have your talent

328
00:27:24,140 --> 00:27:27,460
You're gay. That's what it was. You know, it says you go gay

329
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I used to go to get a haircut still and I had barely any hair and I kind of looking back

330
00:27:32,980 --> 00:27:38,100
I felt like if I was auditioning for one of those shows and they just be like you have no voice

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You have nothing to do

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fluctuation

333
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You have no hair. I think is is that's a no for me dog. His tagline was like that was absolutely dreadful

334
00:27:48,580 --> 00:27:50,580
Uh-huh, but I don't have dreads

335
00:27:50,580 --> 00:27:58,500
I don't know if that was something that he would say a lot of this episode. I remember scary movie 3 when he was judging the rap battle

336
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of the fake M&M

337
00:28:01,540 --> 00:28:07,140
Really big for my eight mile. Hmm. It's it cuts the yeah fake Simon Cowley's like that was

338
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Absolutely dreadful and then they just like shoot him to death

339
00:28:11,220 --> 00:28:16,980
Show that part the real fake M&M is the the not hot green M&M the hot green

340
00:28:16,980 --> 00:28:23,140
M&M will be the real one for you. Yeah, Zeco kind of reminds me all the real M&M's please stand up by the way he talks

341
00:28:23,460 --> 00:28:27,260
Yeah, but it's good. It's kind of a summary. He's kind of like a

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00:28:28,860 --> 00:28:35,060
We'll save it for the patreon. I can only crystal leo, but more of he's kind of like Chris Adalia, but more of a predator

343
00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:39,780
Yeah, no, I was gonna say he's kind of like M&M, but like just the voice not no talent really

344
00:28:39,780 --> 00:28:43,300
Yeah, you know, it's kind of like kind of talks like Paul wall. Yeah

345
00:28:43,300 --> 00:28:49,100
Yeah, but he's not the people's champ. Paul wall is really cool. Yeah, I love Paul wall

346
00:28:49,860 --> 00:28:56,940
Paul wall is the the coolest wire rapper. Mm-hmm. So Paul wall or Paul McCartney. Who are you taking or Paul Miller?

347
00:28:56,940 --> 00:29:02,380
How about a little white? Yeah, yeah, three choices Paul Miller Paul McCartney and Paul wall. I'm a Jeff Miller

348
00:29:02,380 --> 00:29:05,280
So you watch but for what what's the what for what?

349
00:29:06,060 --> 00:29:11,620
Like that fuck me your friend fuck Mary kill Paul wall Paul McCartney Paul Miller

350
00:29:11,620 --> 00:29:15,180
Okay, I'll marry I'll marry Paul Miller

351
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:22,560
I always thought the fuck what the fuck one is you fuck them one I guess I got to kill Paul wall because Paul McCartney's more rich

352
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:26,180
So yeah, you gotta marry whoever's the rich and he's gonna die sooner. So you know the money

353
00:29:26,180 --> 00:29:30,660
That's the move true and then and then maybe I'll use the money to revive Paul wall

354
00:29:30,660 --> 00:29:36,240
So plus Paul McCartney would be the hottest one to have sex with all the stories and everything. Oh, sorry

355
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:42,460
Yes, I have to marry him and then fuck Paul Miller. I gotta actually I'll kill Paul Miller. I got a hypo for you

356
00:29:42,460 --> 00:29:49,020
Yeah, I have to sacrifice Paul for the people's champ. Did we lose that joke I did about a Curtis flag?

357
00:29:50,260 --> 00:29:54,220
I'll do it on the patreon Curtis flag. That's a teaser

358
00:29:55,220 --> 00:30:00,880
Also, how about this hypothetical? What do you think is a more stressful job being the president of America or being Adam?

359
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:06,420
Quaslo shirt? Oh, it's actually

360
00:30:06,900 --> 00:30:09,820
Yeah, he has been dressing like Lizzo recently. Mm-hmm

361
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:14,680
It looks like this corn looks like it has like like BB's in a shotgun

362
00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:19,320
You see that macy's day my baby

363
00:30:19,740 --> 00:30:25,800
You see that Mac the macy's day float. That's a BB King. Yeah, you're talking about Lizzo. Yeah

364
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:31,760
Yeah, they did a Lizzo macy's day really. That's awesome. It was life-size. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah

365
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:37,520
That's got to that's heavy the biggest float, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean well it lasted so

366
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,640
They're talking about floats and I said that reminds me of a root beer float

367
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,640
So is it sorry is it a replica of her?

368
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:52,800
Like pump her up with a good bike pump or something. He's a lot of healing. They pump her up with a bunch of

369
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,800
Helium

370
00:30:55,600 --> 00:31:02,440
Probably she put herself up with a marshmallow. Yeah, but the thing is when you're fat

371
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,680
You don't float food really

372
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:09,360
You know she's the opposite of floating is you get held down really hard to the ground because the earth

373
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:13,640
The earth loves yeah, yeah, and it also what the earth loves pain

374
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:17,840
Can I say something about Lizzo when she says around the house? She says around the house dude

375
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,960
Yeah, that's good. She's around

376
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:22,960
I

377
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:28,200
Know Lizzo's armpits are so stinky the teacher gave her a plus for not raising her hand. Okay. Yeah

378
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,520
I heard that you got a gay plus in school. Nope

379
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,640
Mac where that come from?

380
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:41,200
Let's talk about it. Yeah, you like doing that every time I make it gay joke instead of just saying another funny gay joke

381
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:47,840
You know, so you want me to say funny gay joke? Yeah. Yeah, you don't have any you're not funny. Yeah

382
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:51,160
I mean being gay is not funny. It's a serious

383
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:03,560
It's a word of God and get them out of the military. Yeah, and I have a political view

384
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:07,760
Let's say according to the bad people they say that

385
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:13,680
Maybe the algorithm will hear that and then I'd be like, oh, they're okay

386
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:17,240
Sodom lists. They were they were saying as if there's someone else. Mm-hmm

387
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:22,640
What about this? Sodomy and I've re

388
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,480
Know how about this Jerry?

389
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,080
Homity sorry

390
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:38,600
Sodomy and Jerry homidy Jerry Sodomy. Yeah, Jerry Sodomy and he gets a he gets fucked by Kyle Lane old

391
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,600
Yeah

392
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,440
Yeah, oh did we the

393
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:51,120
We the land by the way doing a live podcast at comedy bar January 10th. Don't miss it January 10th

394
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,320
I'll be putting on literature for it some flyers

395
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:58,680
Once I make them and then promo videos, you know, I like to promote folks

396
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:00,760
This is our most important thing

397
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:07,040
In the world so if you could come it would mean the world. This is more important than the gazelles

398
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:10,680
Yeah, combined with the gazelles from last year

399
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:18,560
But we're gonna be back to back champs folks and that's why we're gonna become the biggest podcast in the world. Yeah

400
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,360
New world we're gonna

401
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:28,200
We talked about Aladdin and got deleted yeah, Jerry, so what a shame

402
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:36,500
No, I want to bring it back. So we got Jerry. Yeah, who'd you cast Jerry homidy's Aladdin? Uh-huh, and then Sahar's

403
00:33:36,500 --> 00:33:37,640
Jasmine

404
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:43,800
Let's do but they don't have they don't have a relationship just because they're both Persian James and Jars the bird. He's the annoying

405
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:46,880
Yeah

406
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:54,280
Then Jafar is Bobok, okay

407
00:33:54,920 --> 00:34:00,080
What's Bobok's real name? Well, he's he would actually do a good Jafar. Is that what you said?

408
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:05,760
Because he's kind of yeah on this. I think he's kind of like oh Paul Farah Varsha be something. Yeah

409
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,000
Yeah, he's like a dumb character from them

410
00:34:10,240 --> 00:34:15,840
Who else is characters ready at the salt there's like a poo the monkey is that his name a poo?

411
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,520
Yeah, he could be a poo

412
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,120
So far for so hard to book he's like so booked out every time I talked to him

413
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:38,120
Maybe we could have him on like on a weekday if you do a week. He's so he wanted to I'm just kind of worried

414
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:43,520
About how mean he's gonna be when he comes. Yeah, I know he's gonna I know he's gonna make sure you're mentally prepared

415
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:48,440
Yeah, because this guy I'm gonna be up all night writing roast jokes like in comebacks and stuff

416
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:55,080
Well, I mean with his like our bear his aren't like those hacky roast jokes his are piercing his are personal

417
00:34:55,280 --> 00:35:00,120
Yeah, really get to you the way you flustered them make you forget any jokes you even have prepared. Yeah, he's brutal

418
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,120
Yeah, brutal on the roast

419
00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:10,480
Fuck dude, and that's why I ran a gym flanigan the podcast. It's a flanigan Sue mean he's not even funny

420
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,840
He's just mean he's even worse than Paul fair con. Yeah

421
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:20,680
Paul Paul Flanigan will say sorry Paul Flanigan Jim Flanigan will say stuff to me that legitimately

422
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:26,360
Puts fear in my heart. Yeah, well, I told you that story about when it was Robbie Flanigan and

423
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:33,960
Jim Flanigan and Sean Flannery. They're all talking in Zane's and I walked up to them. Yeah, and I accidentally called Jim Flanigan

424
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:40,120
Robbie Flannery. Oh, no, and then he said that's the type of shit to make him go off

425
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:44,920
And he said what did you just say to me? Oh fuck? Oh, I was oh, I'm sorry. No Jim Flanigan

426
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:49,600
It was just a confusion similar names. He said what do you hate Irish people?

427
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,040
I was like, no, it was literally just a word

428
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:58,160
Miscommunication he said get out of Zane ease. You're never getting booked here. You're never getting booked anywhere in Chicago

429
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:02,840
You're finished. Yeah. Yeah, so you know, I got his name

430
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:06,880
He go to the Mexican restaurant every day and order flan. Isn't that great? I said

431
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:12,880
Flan flan. I think it's Mexican. So it's all at the usual. They go you haven't flanigan. Yeah

432
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:16,960
You should look up on your phone

433
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:21,360
I'm they might have it both places. I'm pretty sure that's a funny joke for a cliff

434
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:30,800
Flan I went to I forgot to mention this but afterwards the casino with Hickok that one night we went to

435
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:35,800
That Mexican place or it's an origin in France. Really?

436
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:43,080
So we went to the Mexican place it's it's southern Europe and Latin America

437
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,720
So I have seen it at Mexican restaurants, which is why I thought that

438
00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:47,720
hmm

439
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:53,960
Remember when you said that story about how you used to get drunk and hammer like black down go that Mexican place and watch the

440
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:57,680
Mexican TV and try to understand it. I don't remember that at all

441
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,560
Lincoln Lodge off Western it's Jason

442
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,120
It's big

443
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,560
Lazo's or our Turros

444
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:13,400
Yeah, you said you go to our Turros by yourself and eat a bunch of food you drunk food and then what and then watch the

445
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:17,440
TV and try to understand it. I mean, I've definitely done that. I don't remember talking about it

446
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:21,960
Maybe I used to live like a block from there. So I would go eat there because it's 24 hours

447
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:26,840
That's that I used to call that Taco Vegas. Yeah, maybe it was because they had all the lights and they're open 24

448
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:31,440
They serve alcohol to yeah, yeah, Lazo's and our Turros and oh and he kept

449
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:36,920
Roring like tequila shots. I was like bro stop. I told him I actually had an early morning the next day

450
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,080
You're just trying to fuck me

451
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:48,240
Um, that rolls. Yeah, that place is good dude. Our Turros. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably the best drunk food. We went there and we tried to understand the TV and we couldn't

452
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:53,900
Because it's a Mexican. No, our Turros rules and it's the trash they put on TV

453
00:37:53,900 --> 00:37:58,880
Yeah, I mean, although I've definitely ordered food there and it came to the table ice-cold though

454
00:37:59,720 --> 00:38:05,360
Yeah, like they like just like it was probably the freezer and they probably want needs are working. She's not she's not very good

455
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,360
Yeah, I like a win

456
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,360
I

457
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:14,320
Saw the Mexican lady works there. She's better Rosa Rosa. Yeah Rosa Rosa Parks

458
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:24,900
Rosa Parks, yeah, she's actually the first Mexican to sit in the front of the bus. It's a from Mexican people. Yeah

459
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:34,200
Sometimes I see like a white girl like she'll she'll stand and says sitting by the black guy on the bus or nice

460
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:38,720
I think let black people know you're still afraid of them. Well, no, I think

461
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:44,600
Well, did it's what's he wearing all black Air Force ones? No, are you sure?

462
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,480
Because that would be a reason I wouldn't sit next to them

463
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:55,320
Oh, that's an indication if it's all black even the swoop then that means that you do a lot of petty crimes like robberies

464
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,720
Like small robberies. Yeah, I guess I just didn't notice what he's wearing

465
00:38:58,720 --> 00:39:05,320
I actually got PTSD probably the shoes not the skin color. Yeah, I actually got PTSD from a black guy wearing a band-aid on his face

466
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,480
And let me tell you I think about it over and over again. Yeah, I

467
00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:14,520
Had a dude I used to living Cabrini green. That's right. That's where I grew up. Oh, yeah

468
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:19,800
Yeah, and there was this guy that he would open his mouth and what a bees would come. Oh my god

469
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:25,780
That's so scary. They call him plus call the exterminator Adam or Bansky. Yeah, so we call the exterminator and he left

470
00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:29,700
So we call the Adam or her not my bees

471
00:39:30,820 --> 00:39:36,900
And then also this other black guy had bees come out of his mouth that I knew uh-huh named Michael and

472
00:39:37,980 --> 00:39:43,780
Clark Clark sucking he's gay to him, but yeah, he got executed

473
00:39:45,620 --> 00:39:51,700
Because he sucked Tom Hanks his dick when Tom Hanks was an adult that turned to a kid not cool. I

474
00:39:52,380 --> 00:39:54,820
Was thinking that would this be no text name

475
00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:56,820
Jason

476
00:39:57,220 --> 00:39:59,220
Beasy be

477
00:39:59,260 --> 00:40:03,500
It's all about bees. There's a I want to start an all B podcast

478
00:40:04,460 --> 00:40:06,980
There's yellow be easy, you know that yellow be easy

479
00:40:07,700 --> 00:40:13,740
Well, it really pisses me off. No, he got in trouble for I think doing something really bad to a woman. Okay

480
00:40:14,180 --> 00:40:16,740
Yellow be easy. There's also honeycomb brazy

481
00:40:17,700 --> 00:40:23,020
Who has the I did acid and watch his music video and I couldn't stop laughing at his head

482
00:40:23,020 --> 00:40:28,260
Oh, yeah in the video because he has this huge head and then there's a part of the video where they're giving my haircut

483
00:40:28,260 --> 00:40:31,860
And I kept thinking like they're preparing his head for the video

484
00:40:34,060 --> 00:40:36,700
Where I will watch his giant head mover

485
00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:44,820
That was on as a just having fun. So I was I was hard on the strong or Donald like during this whole zacko thing and I was like

486
00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:50,460
Bro, like we're organized crime organization. Now. We're the Costa Nostra of comedy was

487
00:40:50,460 --> 00:40:55,740
Oh, I like the sound of that Spanish. No, it's Italian. That was the that's cool

488
00:40:55,740 --> 00:41:00,380
but that was that was the family of like the Gambino's and all those yeah, and

489
00:41:01,740 --> 00:41:03,740
He told me that he's gonna

490
00:41:04,980 --> 00:41:08,180
He's gonna get the monopoly on turtle races in Chicago

491
00:41:08,180 --> 00:41:11,180
He's gonna get steel or by all the turtles from

492
00:41:11,940 --> 00:41:13,940
Turtles

493
00:41:14,340 --> 00:41:18,580
He's gonna have the monopoly at 10 Lizzie's and have the only turtle racing place in the city

494
00:41:18,580 --> 00:41:23,900
If I said go in there and go talk to the guy who owns all the turtle races and you walked in the room

495
00:41:23,900 --> 00:41:27,340
Not knowing who it was and Donovan was there. You'd probably think it was him

496
00:41:27,340 --> 00:41:30,340
Well, I want all the turtle races like something about his vibe

497
00:41:30,340 --> 00:41:35,020
Yeah, I told Don like I'll be like trust me. You'll know who owns all the turtle races when you see you

498
00:41:35,020 --> 00:41:37,020
I told Donovan

499
00:41:36,940 --> 00:41:43,460
Yeah, that could be one of our rackets you can be a capo you're in he's like I like how you just like took the took it from me

500
00:41:43,460 --> 00:41:50,260
I was like, I mean I wasn't really asking and then I was like don't make me come

501
00:41:50,260 --> 00:41:53,700
I'll get I'll use time to think about this, but don't make me come back in a different way

502
00:41:54,420 --> 00:41:59,660
Yeah, I used to play the guitar in the mob. I was big with a capo. Yeah, nice

503
00:42:00,660 --> 00:42:02,260
I like the movie

504
00:42:02,260 --> 00:42:09,260
Kapo Kapo fear with Robert De Niro Kapo fear Cape Capo fear change that's the Spanish subtitle version

505
00:42:09,260 --> 00:42:12,940
Hmm. Capo fear. There's this one guy. I think it's

506
00:42:13,260 --> 00:42:15,260
No, just go

507
00:42:16,540 --> 00:42:20,380
No, I met this guy this is actually this is actually something good

508
00:42:20,380 --> 00:42:25,580
I met this guy Cleo's who's sitting right next to Dale. He had the honey homemade honey

509
00:42:26,540 --> 00:42:28,540
What was he a bee?

510
00:42:28,780 --> 00:42:36,380
Yeah, he's family. You're telling me his family has a bee farm. You met a bee. I know I met he made the honey though

511
00:42:36,380 --> 00:42:41,340
I asked him about he didn't steal it from bees. I asked him if he had a beekeeper of it and I asked him like

512
00:42:41,820 --> 00:42:47,660
Like how often do the beekeepers like get the honey off the harvest my little brother did bees

513
00:42:47,900 --> 00:42:51,020
He says a few times a year the honey. Yeah, that's just tight

514
00:42:51,980 --> 00:42:56,460
My little brother's like a chef and he did bees and oh, I should I should have asked me if he wanted to be a

515
00:42:57,180 --> 00:43:03,900
Sponsor for a podcast. Yeah. Yeah, this be a good intro for an all-bee podcast. Don't interrupt me

516
00:43:03,900 --> 00:43:09,340
I'm a bee. I'm a bee. I'm a mama bee. It's good keeper

517
00:43:10,220 --> 00:43:12,940
Okay, I said not to interrupt don't interrupt me

518
00:43:13,740 --> 00:43:20,380
So that was uh, so what about this? I'm fascinated by bees instead of stay scheme and it's bee keeping

519
00:43:21,740 --> 00:43:26,860
People trying to get my honey. It's not as popular. I read for my bees

520
00:43:27,420 --> 00:43:32,700
Yeah, it was actually nominated for a bee to you award. So maybe you're out of touch

521
00:43:32,700 --> 00:43:39,740
So maybe pick the winning song. Hey guys. Hey patrons, if you know that song that uh, put the name of that song in the comments

522
00:43:39,740 --> 00:43:41,740
And I'll give you a free month. Nice

523
00:43:42,860 --> 00:43:44,860
You can get a free month

524
00:43:44,940 --> 00:43:45,900
um

525
00:43:45,900 --> 00:43:48,940
patreon.com slash bad comedy I heard is this new website

526
00:43:49,740 --> 00:43:55,020
And guess what I just heard about this website patreon.com slash bad comedy. I've never heard of this. What is this?

527
00:43:55,020 --> 00:43:59,980
Yeah, so you go in there. Please you can join this uh this podcast. It's really awesome

528
00:43:59,980 --> 00:44:04,700
And all you gotta do is pay a monthly fee of $3.99

529
00:44:05,260 --> 00:44:07,260
Which is like nothing. That's like a soda pop now

530
00:44:08,620 --> 00:44:13,500
That's like how much it cost a park for one hour. Yeah, I mean and you would think that it's been 3.90 down for a while

531
00:44:13,580 --> 00:44:17,980
You would think they would raise it because of inflation. Yeah, and so how popular it is. Yeah, basically

532
00:44:18,060 --> 00:44:24,380
It's like the price of like a small sprite at mcdonald's wow. Yeah, because they've inflated and they had the spicy spray

533
00:44:24,380 --> 00:44:28,620
Yeah, and we just kept their price. I mean they this website kept their price the same

534
00:44:28,620 --> 00:44:32,620
It's basically a sent an episode if you subscribe nice

535
00:44:33,340 --> 00:44:39,740
So that sounds cool. Yeah, there's like there's like 300 episodes. I think so you can

536
00:44:40,460 --> 00:44:45,740
Be entertained for that's almost as many guys as there are isn't that movie the 300. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

537
00:44:46,220 --> 00:44:50,460
Almost 300 is almost as many guys as we're in the greek army against

538
00:44:51,260 --> 00:44:55,340
The battle of thermopoly. Yeah, all those guys who fought blake berghart. I love the battle of the monopoly

539
00:44:55,340 --> 00:44:58,220
We also are we have a go play berghart with a nose ring

540
00:45:00,620 --> 00:45:05,980
Go fund me right now to raise money. We're trying to get uh wooden shoes and beekeeper outfits

541
00:45:06,060 --> 00:45:12,220
So if you could help us out, we were at five dollars last time I checked and yeah, that was not nearly that was an anonymous guy

542
00:45:12,220 --> 00:45:14,220
That wasn't me. Um

543
00:45:15,020 --> 00:45:17,020
How do you know as a guy?

544
00:45:17,900 --> 00:45:22,380
Oh, I'd also never posted the link anywhere, which I should probably do. Yeah. Oh, we should actually promote this

545
00:45:22,380 --> 00:45:27,900
Yeah, oh, I know paper paper shirts also dude when you were having that big issue was echo ryan

546
00:45:27,900 --> 00:45:32,860
We should have been posting about the shoes. We were getting a lot of eyes. We could have probably gotten enough money

547
00:45:33,500 --> 00:45:35,500
We really squandered an opportunity here

548
00:45:36,460 --> 00:45:39,660
I mean the main thing we want is the beekeeper outfits

549
00:45:39,660 --> 00:45:44,620
So if you get us to that guys at least maybe we can pay afford the wooden shoes, but

550
00:45:45,820 --> 00:45:49,900
I would just buy us beekeeper office by already spending all my money on dreadlock wigs

551
00:45:49,900 --> 00:45:54,540
Yeah, bear me in my wooden shoes. Just know how much marijuana leaf bucket hats

552
00:45:54,940 --> 00:45:58,060
You know every scent of the patreon goes to buying

553
00:45:58,700 --> 00:46:00,140
props and stuff to

554
00:46:00,140 --> 00:46:02,140
to entertain you guys

555
00:46:02,140 --> 00:46:07,180
And we we wouldn't be able to have these corn outfits this goddamn cornucopia costs like a hundred dollars

556
00:46:07,180 --> 00:46:09,900
We wouldn't be able to have these corn outfits without our amazing patrons

557
00:46:09,980 --> 00:46:14,700
And if you're listening to this like a broke freeloader, yeah, then maybe uh

558
00:46:15,340 --> 00:46:19,260
Join the patreon because there's another episode every week. That's always way better

559
00:46:19,260 --> 00:46:26,060
Yeah, if you're a patron, I consider you a personal freak on a leash. Yeah, these first episodes are just kind of ironic

560
00:46:26,060 --> 00:46:30,620
We're trying to be a bad cop podcast on purpose. The second ones are super funny when you tune in

561
00:46:30,700 --> 00:46:34,860
We're just like talking about like our families and Thanksgiving and stuff. Yeah

562
00:46:37,100 --> 00:46:40,620
Long lessons in life. I can't wait to look at the retention of that part

563
00:46:40,620 --> 00:46:43,580
Yeah, it's gonna be brutal

564
00:46:47,020 --> 00:46:49,020
You probably should have done it later in the episode

565
00:46:49,340 --> 00:46:51,740
You could maybe say the irony thing first or

566
00:46:52,620 --> 00:46:57,820
Um, so we're gonna experiment. I said when I say my gun is ironic. I mean that it's made of iron

567
00:46:58,700 --> 00:47:02,780
But it's it's real it every thread is you're never joking about it. Yeah

568
00:47:04,140 --> 00:47:07,420
I just know what ironic meant especially to all the people who are upset this week

569
00:47:07,420 --> 00:47:10,780
Mm-hmm. Yeah, all the people that were worried for Zacharine's life

570
00:47:11,260 --> 00:47:16,460
Yeah, I am worried for him. So yeah, I'm I'm a little bit worried for his life, too

571
00:47:16,540 --> 00:47:21,020
I just don't want him to get hurt or in trouble before he refollows me on instagram

572
00:47:21,100 --> 00:47:25,340
I just don't want him to make a mistake that might uh, you know jeopardize everything he has

573
00:47:25,900 --> 00:47:30,540
Yeah, especially his ability to follow me on instagram. It sounds like his friends and family

574
00:47:30,940 --> 00:47:35,900
Really thought that he would lose like whatever he has left. Yeah, that's kind of funny

575
00:47:35,900 --> 00:47:41,740
Yeah, they thought that he's gonna lose every I mean he has so much to lose. He's got a bandana. He got one bandana one shirt

576
00:47:42,380 --> 00:47:45,580
And his friends and family are like oh if he loses that bandana, he's gonna be

577
00:47:45,740 --> 00:47:47,740
Yeah

578
00:47:48,700 --> 00:47:52,940
Have you ever exactly do the joker he says this shit is bandanas?

579
00:47:53,580 --> 00:47:55,580
B A N D A N A S

580
00:47:55,740 --> 00:47:57,660
Imagine your own friends or family

581
00:47:57,660 --> 00:48:02,860
This quick spelling this joe is bananas. Oh shout out Joe bananas. He's on the wall of fame

582
00:48:02,860 --> 00:48:08,060
Uh, we love Joe bananas. We will be performing with Joe bananas tonight at end of the line

583
00:48:08,540 --> 00:48:14,060
And you'll you'll catch this episode if you're a patron on sunday and if you're a free letter you get a tuesday

584
00:48:14,620 --> 00:48:19,260
Just so you guys know if you're listening on youtube you get it two days earlier if you're on patreon

585
00:48:19,260 --> 00:48:25,820
So that's early access plus an additional episode. Yeah, shout out all those guys in india and I can tell you on the patreon this week

586
00:48:25,900 --> 00:48:29,660
Is this it probably? Yeah. Yeah, there's gonna be some fucked up shit folks

587
00:48:29,660 --> 00:48:31,660
So um, so

588
00:48:32,540 --> 00:48:35,260
Judge dread did he have dreadlocks? Yeah

589
00:48:35,980 --> 00:48:40,700
Well, he would judge other people's dreadlocks. That's what that's what if anybody tries to cancel us for having dreads

590
00:48:41,260 --> 00:48:44,220
If they judge us they are judge dread. Yeah, I do think our judge dread

591
00:48:45,820 --> 00:48:51,660
Yeah riddle judge dreading riddle me that I just watched the 2012 judge dread it was called dread and it was great

592
00:48:52,380 --> 00:48:57,580
Um, it's fucking cool. Hey. Hey listeners. Who do you know fresher than hove, huh riddle me that?

593
00:48:57,580 --> 00:48:59,580
Uh big pippet

594
00:49:00,940 --> 00:49:05,500
That was something I came up with I got my hove like jojoba. Is it recording?

595
00:49:08,140 --> 00:49:11,340
So we've been uh, so this is has been a

596
00:49:12,300 --> 00:49:17,900
One take podcast we haven't really been uh, they've all been recorded in one

597
00:49:19,020 --> 00:49:19,820
time

598
00:49:19,820 --> 00:49:21,820
H to the iso

599
00:49:21,820 --> 00:49:29,340
Big shrimp in is a fish isle mine isle used to riddle down of you big shrimp dick little

600
00:49:29,820 --> 00:49:37,020
Balls big shrimp dick. That's that's an axiomoron big shrimp dick like jumbo shrimp. Yeah big shrimp dick

601
00:49:37,740 --> 00:49:39,740
I caught in the sea

602
00:49:40,060 --> 00:49:42,540
Big shrimp dick tiny balls

603
00:49:42,540 --> 00:49:44,540
Oh

604
00:49:47,260 --> 00:49:49,260
Big shrimp

605
00:49:50,620 --> 00:49:55,660
Four four big shrimp boat that's big shrimp boat with bubba gum

606
00:49:57,420 --> 00:50:03,500
Uh catching shrimp should we uh talk about types of shrimp? I like how they make bubba retarded kind of shrimp

607
00:50:03,900 --> 00:50:06,140
Uh, they all kind of were in that movie. Yeah

608
00:50:06,140 --> 00:50:12,540
Yeah, shrimp taco shrimp flan, but then jenny she's not retarded, but she gets aids

609
00:50:12,860 --> 00:50:15,580
Jenny is a two types of people in this world. Jenny is a massive whore

610
00:50:16,220 --> 00:50:18,220
People who are borderline

611
00:50:18,220 --> 00:50:22,780
Down syndrome if anybody's a fan of jenny in that movie. She might be the worst supervillain of all time. Yeah

612
00:50:23,500 --> 00:50:25,740
She just fucked over this retard guy from so long

613
00:50:26,380 --> 00:50:31,100
Our word is sorry. Let's just remember we are on youtube. I forgot

614
00:50:31,660 --> 00:50:33,020
YouTube.com

615
00:50:33,020 --> 00:50:37,900
Yeah, check out youtube if you're uh, if you're watching this on youtube, you're watching listening on spotify

616
00:50:38,540 --> 00:50:40,700
This is an episode. It's probably better for youtube

617
00:50:41,420 --> 00:50:45,580
Based on our outfits and youtube. I believe that you can get like youtube

618
00:50:46,380 --> 00:50:52,780
television or pre you could subscribe on youtube to our channel if you're listening to shit on youtube play it loud on the train

619
00:50:52,940 --> 00:50:54,940
Yeah, yeah, yeah

620
00:50:55,260 --> 00:50:59,500
We prefer when our listeners listen to our podcasts off their phone on the bus

621
00:50:59,500 --> 00:51:06,940
Yeah, I'll out it because then don't be a because we feel gangsta because normally people play gangsta rap off their phone

622
00:51:07,100 --> 00:51:11,340
Don't be scary. I always like it's kind of like when I go to do my laundry

623
00:51:11,900 --> 00:51:18,300
And I have the pod playing and then it's like kind of my rushing roulette is like, uh, what are they going to say?

624
00:51:18,860 --> 00:51:24,620
Yeah, when I'm in the hallway, you know what jack Nicholson says he says, uh, no tiki no laundry

625
00:51:25,580 --> 00:51:27,580
So he says not a parted

626
00:51:27,580 --> 00:51:31,740
But he's talking to the chinese guys. Yeah, bro. Jack. Listen. He goes. I have the shining

627
00:51:33,180 --> 00:51:39,500
Everybody says uh, the knights of columbus real headbreak is true guineas. Yeah, they says the n word at some point

628
00:51:39,500 --> 00:51:44,300
I forget where he has this as uh, um, this ring the nights the nights of columbus

629
00:51:44,700 --> 00:51:48,620
I mean that motorcycle movie with denis hopper used to be in the knights of columbus

630
00:51:49,420 --> 00:51:52,540
Hopper were you at the nights of columbus in boston when you lived there?

631
00:51:52,540 --> 00:51:59,260
Uh, no, the nights of the round table with karen arthur. They're real, uh, headbreakers true guineas

632
00:51:59,420 --> 00:52:01,420
It's kind of like the white

633
00:52:01,420 --> 00:52:03,420
Disciples

634
00:52:04,140 --> 00:52:06,140
Yeah, I mean gangs

635
00:52:06,460 --> 00:52:09,500
I think the white disciples or jesus's friends pretty sure

636
00:52:10,540 --> 00:52:15,660
Oh, I was talking to dylan about this, you know, the black disciples. Well, there's the white disciples jesus's friends

637
00:52:15,660 --> 00:52:18,860
Yeah, yeah, like the disciples. Um, but did you hear?

638
00:52:18,860 --> 00:52:25,340
I don't know if it was all of us talking to just me and dylan or me and you but um, you might be in the bathroom, but jesus

639
00:52:26,060 --> 00:52:28,700
He didn't yeah, we can burn these things. Yeah

640
00:52:29,260 --> 00:52:34,620
Yeah, that's pretty good. Was it wasn't a nice to me to force it my spot to tie. I'm still gonna come but yeah

641
00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:40,940
The side of the cross is really kind of like a gang sign. I was gonna just do that joke after not even trying it out anywhere

642
00:52:41,100 --> 00:52:44,540
I was gonna do it tonight. Yeah, that would have been good. You're gonna sabotage your show

643
00:52:45,100 --> 00:52:46,380
No

644
00:52:46,380 --> 00:52:50,220
That that would crush. Yeah, so it's like you can't sabotage

645
00:52:50,700 --> 00:52:53,180
I'm sorry. Jesus did not rise from the dead

646
00:52:55,020 --> 00:52:56,380
It was his

647
00:52:56,380 --> 00:52:57,740
It was his

648
00:52:57,740 --> 00:53:03,180
Disciples his gang of goons they moved the rock and then they put him in a wheelchair and sunglasses on him

649
00:53:03,420 --> 00:53:05,980
I was gonna do I'm gonna try this joke. It was like weekend at

650
00:53:06,860 --> 00:53:08,140
Jerusalem

651
00:53:08,140 --> 00:53:14,220
Weekend at Bethlehem. Yeah, no Nazareth weekend at uncle Muhammad's weekend in the lineup

652
00:53:14,220 --> 00:53:16,220
Uh

653
00:53:16,220 --> 00:53:18,220
Week weekend of the lineup

654
00:53:18,780 --> 00:53:20,780
Week end of the line

655
00:53:21,340 --> 00:53:22,380
Week

656
00:53:22,380 --> 00:53:25,820
You should I think you should actually call us start of the line just change it. Yeah

657
00:53:26,780 --> 00:53:31,900
He's gonna I didn't name it. I don't care. I wish I want to get rid of it. It's like herpes

658
00:53:32,380 --> 00:53:34,380
Yeah

659
00:53:34,620 --> 00:53:38,460
It's like a so in my lap just like herpes. It's just a little parasite on your shoulder

660
00:53:38,700 --> 00:53:42,220
Selling my lap. It's like a tapeworm, but it's not making you skinny. Yeah

661
00:53:42,220 --> 00:53:43,660
Yeah

662
00:53:43,660 --> 00:53:45,660
How many tapeworms I gotta eat?

663
00:53:46,140 --> 00:53:51,580
Because you've been eating the normal worms or scotch tape on them, right? Well, yeah, you gotta try the gorilla tape

664
00:53:51,820 --> 00:53:55,100
I thought I was in a ringworm, but it was actually a ring camera

665
00:53:55,900 --> 00:54:01,500
Dr. Tom will stop eating ring cameras. So um still in his favorite thing because he's a wrestler

666
00:54:01,580 --> 00:54:06,700
He's the ring camera the wrestling ring people think that tapeworms are effective for weight loss squared circle

667
00:54:06,860 --> 00:54:08,940
It's uh, it's glue worms that really are

668
00:54:08,940 --> 00:54:12,140
Yeah, you just you just soak uh, you soak uh

669
00:54:12,700 --> 00:54:15,180
Rock paper, rock paper scissors worm

670
00:54:16,140 --> 00:54:22,540
Yeah, Jason's doctor told him he's gotta lay off the cake. You know who's doctor is he didn't say anything about icing

671
00:54:22,860 --> 00:54:24,860
He's a doctor's doctor

672
00:54:24,940 --> 00:54:26,940
He said he told him that you ever

673
00:54:27,580 --> 00:54:30,140
You ever have a dick in your mouth in the south

674
00:54:30,940 --> 00:54:33,900
That says a doctor's older because he's a doctor shoes. Yeah

675
00:54:34,700 --> 00:54:37,100
We weren't listening we were cracking on about my joke

676
00:54:37,100 --> 00:54:40,460
I was bringing back an old joke from the podcast

677
00:54:40,620 --> 00:54:42,620
Hey, hey, hey

678
00:54:42,860 --> 00:54:47,580
Where doctor said I had to cut down on the sugar. He didn't say anything about aspartame

679
00:54:47,820 --> 00:54:53,660
It's nice. Yeah, I was referring to the clip where you uh, you talked about how

680
00:54:54,140 --> 00:54:57,340
You're born purple because you got your dick red the first time. Yeah

681
00:54:57,660 --> 00:55:01,100
And then the second time you said it, I think you get any for you fucking it up

682
00:55:01,500 --> 00:55:03,500
I was gonna give you level five

683
00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:07,420
And then I was like, you like no, no give me give me level five. Yeah

684
00:55:07,820 --> 00:55:09,820
And then I said

685
00:55:09,980 --> 00:55:12,940
Then you started doing it again, and then I was like, who's your doctor?

686
00:55:13,340 --> 00:55:17,100
He said doctor's soos. He's he ever put a dick in your mouth in the south

687
00:55:19,740 --> 00:55:22,700
I miss level five. I should probably look at this uh soundboard

688
00:55:23,100 --> 00:55:27,100
I got choked by my mom's umbilical cord. It's kind of like that was like her dick

689
00:55:28,300 --> 00:55:31,980
You know what I mean? What's the difference between that's the mom's dick umbilical cord

690
00:55:31,980 --> 00:55:33,980
I'm what about umbral?

691
00:55:33,980 --> 00:55:35,980
Because it's useless. Yeah

692
00:55:36,140 --> 00:55:41,980
And uh, what I bring that on shark like umbral cord. Yeah, and it's like an um, uh, it's like an umbrella

693
00:55:42,460 --> 00:55:46,620
But it's like an umbilical, you know holds it back into it back when I was in my mommy's tummy

694
00:55:46,620 --> 00:55:48,620
I never had to worry about the weather

695
00:55:48,620 --> 00:55:55,580
Mm-hmm. I was I was always inside. I was it. You're really sheltered. I uh, I was actually uh watermelon seed

696
00:55:56,380 --> 00:55:59,820
What and then I grew I grew your part watermelon

697
00:55:59,820 --> 00:56:01,820
I'm I'm mostly watermelon

698
00:56:02,620 --> 00:56:04,620
So I deserve all the

699
00:56:04,620 --> 00:56:06,620
Uh like native american stuff

700
00:56:07,100 --> 00:56:12,140
God said be fruitful multiply. I said give me a give me a watermelon. Yeah, I'll be full. Yeah

701
00:56:13,020 --> 00:56:15,820
That's right right now and then I said three times three is nine

702
00:56:16,860 --> 00:56:20,540
Aren't you uh, I said be fruitful multiply. I said four times two is eight

703
00:56:20,700 --> 00:56:26,700
All right, you're pregnant. You're pregnant with a watermelon, right? Yeah, I ate a pineapple and I said four times four is 16

704
00:56:26,700 --> 00:56:33,020
Uh-huh. I was being fruitful multiplying. What's up? I got I got a pineapple went to went to pineapple express

705
00:56:33,340 --> 00:56:35,660
You guys ever seen pineapple express the movie?

706
00:56:36,220 --> 00:56:37,420
Yeah, so I said

707
00:56:37,420 --> 00:56:39,420
It's just a rating on the pineapple

708
00:56:39,900 --> 00:56:45,660
The movie or the fruit jeans. No the the uh, it didn't go the joke didn't go too well

709
00:56:45,980 --> 00:56:51,660
Wait, wait, are you talking about pineapple express the movie or the fruit jeans the back broke express pineapple express

710
00:56:52,460 --> 00:56:55,660
The restaurant. Are you talking about the fruit road?

711
00:56:55,660 --> 00:56:59,580
It's Hawaii. Yes the pineapple express way

712
00:57:00,140 --> 00:57:03,980
I asked if they'd seen any of them under what and they said no

713
00:57:04,380 --> 00:57:06,380
I was like, well, this isn't a good bid

714
00:57:06,940 --> 00:57:09,420
And my pants fell down because I wasn't wearing my bible belt

715
00:57:09,900 --> 00:57:15,020
So embarrassing you should have worn your slim straight jeans. Yeah, or your leather pants or the boots of the fur

716
00:57:15,580 --> 00:57:21,340
Need a belt, you know, your gay fat jeans really clash with your bible belt because the bible says

717
00:57:21,340 --> 00:57:26,140
Uh-huh. That's wrong to be gay. I like having such tension right right

718
00:57:26,540 --> 00:57:29,020
You could add you could add those to tell you your slim straight jeans

719
00:57:29,420 --> 00:57:34,860
Um, it looks like fat and gay. So I got a bible belt. So I'm not sinning. Yeah, you should do you should have this

720
00:57:34,860 --> 00:57:41,500
Your shirt can't pull it out. You should add uh, a what? Jesus. A chick a chick a slim straight jeans

721
00:57:44,940 --> 00:57:47,500
My name is a wear it. What?

722
00:57:47,500 --> 00:57:50,780
I'm slim slim straight jeans. What?

723
00:57:51,740 --> 00:57:57,740
What turns out is fat gay jeans. Uh, will the real will the real slim straight jeans please stand up?

724
00:57:58,140 --> 00:58:00,140
Because I could use a pair

725
00:58:00,380 --> 00:58:02,380
These are fat and gay as hell

726
00:58:05,980 --> 00:58:08,780
It'd be cool to have a belt buckle. That's like a crucifix

727
00:58:09,980 --> 00:58:12,940
That would be pretty sick, dude. I wish I saw that my confederate belt

728
00:58:12,940 --> 00:58:14,940
Right on my dick

729
00:58:14,940 --> 00:58:20,540
I could I like picture a country rock singer. I mean, sorry a Christian rock singer

730
00:58:21,180 --> 00:58:23,980
We're like one of those belt buckles. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be cool

731
00:58:24,140 --> 00:58:29,740
I go ladies, you're not gonna take this belt off of me until we're married. The uh, you know, I met Scott staff

732
00:58:30,140 --> 00:58:32,140
I met Scott darling

733
00:58:32,780 --> 00:58:35,820
Well women believe in name drop because we're mess guys are all like no

734
00:58:37,500 --> 00:58:39,500
I met him. You guys have never met him

735
00:58:40,140 --> 00:58:43,180
That was his that was his uh the guy he has around

736
00:58:43,180 --> 00:58:46,460
Just got darling. We'll not I hope he perishes

737
00:58:47,740 --> 00:58:51,260
Our beautiful patron's got darling. Yeah, well, we're on the free episode anyway

738
00:58:58,460 --> 00:59:01,100
So I would like to freely say Scott darling

739
00:59:01,980 --> 00:59:07,820
I've never met him. Yeah, he hasn't ever met him. That's his uh, he uses a double. Yeah, that's not dorky

740
00:59:07,900 --> 00:59:09,900
I'll tell you what I don't want to meet him

741
00:59:09,900 --> 00:59:16,300
All I hear of him is say violent stuff. I would like that. He wants to fight Mack for flashing a gun at him

742
00:59:16,380 --> 00:59:21,020
No, that's a different guy. No Scott's got our back. He's on he's on the good side

743
00:59:21,900 --> 00:59:26,540
Wait, you talking about the Scott of the toilet paper dynasty. Yeah, Scott called me. He's on

744
00:59:26,780 --> 00:59:31,660
Scott's Scott uh, Macko and Zach toilet paper. Yeah, but he doesn't like to talk about the

745
00:59:33,100 --> 00:59:35,500
toilet paper stuff great Scott

746
00:59:35,500 --> 00:59:40,460
What about toilet is strange some like the toilet paper?

747
00:59:41,420 --> 00:59:42,460
Scott family

748
00:59:42,460 --> 00:59:46,940
It's fucked up that I never met Scott drawing because I actually went to Scotland looking for him. Oh really?

749
00:59:47,100 --> 00:59:51,660
Yeah, you think you would find them. I searched far and wide. I was scottish. They're kind of like

750
00:59:51,660 --> 00:59:53,660
Yeah, they're kind of like Scott darling. Yeah

751
00:59:54,380 --> 01:00:00,460
I met some people. Yeah, we're scottish, but I didn't meet the real genuine artifact. Oh the real Scott my my uh

752
01:00:00,620 --> 01:00:02,620
My friend's dad his name's Scott

753
01:00:02,620 --> 01:00:05,980
You know, really? That's pretty good. Jared. Where is he from Scotland?

754
01:00:06,220 --> 01:00:07,340
Nice

755
01:00:07,340 --> 01:00:10,300
Uh, whatever our first picture Jared who doesn't listen

756
01:00:10,460 --> 01:00:15,820
Tell Jason said that. Yeah, I'll tell him. Yeah. Oh, I'll tell Scott that. I guess just text him. Yeah

757
01:00:17,100 --> 01:00:21,020
Dumb ass. I just like saying. Hey Scott, where are you from? Scotland?

758
01:00:21,740 --> 01:00:25,740
Man, we should have Scott back on the podcast. Just say that to him. Grillin' about the scott

759
01:00:25,820 --> 01:00:27,980
What are you in the Scotland yard? Yeah

760
01:00:28,780 --> 01:00:30,780
Where's your favorite place to hang out?

761
01:00:30,780 --> 01:00:32,780
Bothwell middle school. What do you wear?

762
01:00:33,100 --> 01:00:36,940
The yard or the country you're from? Scotland. What's your favorite kind of tape?

763
01:00:37,900 --> 01:00:39,900
Scotch tape. What's your favorite kind of drink? Scott?

764
01:00:41,020 --> 01:00:43,020
You got a Scotch tape worm

765
01:00:46,300 --> 01:00:51,420
Idiot dude. If we do if we run into a scott, we don't like they're gonna get punished.

766
01:00:52,060 --> 01:00:53,980
Fuck yeah, dude.

767
01:00:53,980 --> 01:01:00,620
Good thing we like Scott darling. Yeah, take him off his high horse. You know, he's always so confident not like up there shaking nervous

768
01:01:00,620 --> 01:01:04,540
Like a baby. No, that's his double. It's sort of his gimmick

769
01:01:05,660 --> 01:01:08,220
Looking scared on stage. What are you in here?

770
01:01:09,020 --> 01:01:13,740
He's new. Yeah, I read directly off my phone for like he's scary. He's scary.

771
01:01:14,380 --> 01:01:17,340
Not so big up there without your bagpipe. Are you? Yeah

772
01:01:18,060 --> 01:01:20,700
I like that. Not so big up there without your

773
01:01:21,500 --> 01:01:23,500
20 pounds of padding

774
01:01:24,540 --> 01:01:28,220
That's what he was. He wish he had a big heavy mask. Yeah. Oh

775
01:01:28,220 --> 01:01:34,060
He should I hope he has his goalie equipment so that he can wear it to walk in the gazelles

776
01:01:35,100 --> 01:01:37,100
in front of me

777
01:01:37,420 --> 01:01:39,420
The kill and what the

778
01:01:39,420 --> 01:01:40,860
some

779
01:01:40,860 --> 01:01:42,860
shoulder pads maybe

780
01:01:42,860 --> 01:01:44,860
Yeah

781
01:01:44,860 --> 01:01:48,860
Like a hockey helmet or something. Yeah, let's go back to this tone from back in the day

782
01:01:50,860 --> 01:01:53,980
The only interesting thing about hockey anyways is the icing punty

783
01:01:53,980 --> 01:01:58,460
Yeah, my doctor said I need to cut down on the cake but he didn't say anything about icing. Nice

784
01:01:59,180 --> 01:02:04,620
Yeah, if you and my doctor gives you recommendations, you can just go off like on things that are close to it

785
01:02:04,700 --> 01:02:09,740
Like they don't need yeah, don't need uh, like deep dish pizza. Have you told me you eat dish pizza?

786
01:02:09,820 --> 01:02:15,020
So you just get but what's the thin cross pizza? But you didn't say anything about pie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

787
01:02:15,340 --> 01:02:21,820
You just gotta you got to read between the lines of your doctor's advice and then still have the same harmful effect on your body with something

788
01:02:21,820 --> 01:02:25,500
That's similar to what they said. You're still following doctor's orders technically

789
01:02:26,540 --> 01:02:32,540
And doctors you don't follow doctor's orders. You can go to jail. Yeah according to zacko. Yeah. Yeah

790
01:02:33,020 --> 01:02:35,820
That's what zackos lawyer told me. I was assumed my doctor's

791
01:02:36,700 --> 01:02:41,260
Winking with with two eyes. Yeah. Well, my doctor is 20 feet tall

792
01:02:42,620 --> 01:02:44,620
He looks hates Nancy Pelosi. Whoa

793
01:02:45,340 --> 01:02:47,260
Yeah

794
01:02:47,260 --> 01:02:52,460
I don't know why he hates Nancy Pelosi so much man 20 feet tall. How's he even getting into office?

795
01:02:52,620 --> 01:02:57,180
Yeah, I was getting into Nancy's office. Is he like a super tall? That's a good shot at office

796
01:02:57,980 --> 01:03:02,220
January 6th is about that. Should we do is about a bunch of funny people with the office

797
01:03:03,260 --> 01:03:06,060
We should do an office. We can make this show kind of like the office. Yeah

798
01:03:06,700 --> 01:03:11,660
Yeah, we could do that. Luna says like the office should do and then it's like Dylan says something weird and then me and

799
01:03:11,900 --> 01:03:15,740
Mac look at the camera like oh my god, that guy's weird. Yeah, I just kind of like

800
01:03:15,740 --> 01:03:20,540
I was like Dylan's being so weird right now. Also, Jim Halper face. He could get zacko

801
01:03:21,260 --> 01:03:23,740
Well, I will help her. I want Dylan to be the

802
01:03:25,020 --> 01:03:29,020
Actually, the favorite harder guy Kevin has to be Jason for uh,

803
01:03:30,300 --> 01:03:32,300
Who would oh you're uh, Toby

804
01:03:34,940 --> 01:03:41,180
Yeah, that makes sense. He gets walked on a lot and then I'm Jim. I guess you're uh, no you're Steve Carell's character

805
01:03:41,180 --> 01:03:46,940
That's fine. Oh, yeah, you're retarded and you're always bossing us around. Yeah

806
01:03:48,780 --> 01:03:52,060
Yeah, I like that. What about Steve Kyron?

807
01:03:53,020 --> 01:03:54,300
Oh

808
01:03:54,300 --> 01:04:01,340
Yeah, I like that and he's uh, he's just like basically Steve Carell, but he's uh, light skin black and his dreads

809
01:04:01,340 --> 01:04:10,620
Steve Carell. I'm sure I'm like Steve Kybert. It was like Steve Colbert. What about Steve Kylane? Oh

810
01:04:11,100 --> 01:04:14,940
How about Steve? How about how about Kaya Haran?

811
01:04:15,900 --> 01:04:19,100
It's Kaya Osborn and like that Kyron. What about uh,

812
01:04:19,660 --> 01:04:20,940
what about uh,

813
01:04:20,940 --> 01:04:26,700
uh, Kyron Osborn. Osborn uh, Osborn sister-owns

814
01:04:26,700 --> 01:04:30,940
Talent Osborn sister-owns. Yeah, you have nothing

815
01:04:32,220 --> 01:04:38,300
Um, I love watching people get told that they have no talent and that they'll never make it. Yeah, that's what I'm a huge fan of semen

816
01:04:39,100 --> 01:04:41,100
Yeah, yeah, yeah

817
01:04:41,100 --> 01:04:46,700
Just tell them they have semen call in my opinion demon. Oh, yeah, he's mean. He's mean

818
01:04:47,180 --> 01:04:51,500
How about Simon says be a little nicer to everybody? Simon says a lot of mean shit

819
01:04:51,500 --> 01:04:57,580
I'm a highman says I'm a virgin Simon says a lot of mean shit like that Simon says you have no talent

820
01:04:57,580 --> 01:05:00,380
How do I play my joke? I just it was so clever. What'd you say?

821
01:05:00,860 --> 01:05:02,860
Hyman says I'm still a virgin

822
01:05:03,420 --> 01:05:05,900
Uh, there was a I worked at a school

823
01:05:07,260 --> 01:05:09,660
With like uh, these four if you have a hymen

824
01:05:09,660 --> 01:05:13,020
I was a recess monitor for a lunch monitor for these fourth graders

825
01:05:13,580 --> 01:05:15,980
And there was this kid his name was hymy or something

826
01:05:16,460 --> 01:05:20,380
And I accidentally called him hymen because I didn't know his name. I thought everyone was calling him hymen

827
01:05:20,380 --> 01:05:22,380
I was like, that's a weird name

828
01:05:23,020 --> 01:05:26,380
But I'm not gonna question it because I'm just trying to do my job

829
01:05:27,100 --> 01:05:29,100
And I go I go hymen

830
01:05:29,820 --> 01:05:32,620
Get in line and I was like his name's not hymen

831
01:05:33,340 --> 01:05:38,940
Because you know kids always like to correct you. Yeah, they were too young to realize that a hymen is a pussy. Yeah. Thank god

832
01:05:39,340 --> 01:05:41,340
That could have gone way worse for that kid

833
01:05:41,980 --> 01:05:43,980
If they knew that it was a pussy thing they would

834
01:05:43,980 --> 01:05:49,900
But it is a virgin. Is this the same school that uh, I think Jeffrey azmus was working at?

835
01:05:49,900 --> 01:05:54,780
He worked at very shortly. What happened? Well, I don't know. They did background checks. I remember

836
01:05:54,780 --> 01:05:56,780
I know you guys worked together. I don't know if the whole story. I remember

837
01:05:57,580 --> 01:06:01,820
Normal they said we had to redo our background check and then he just didn't show up the next day

838
01:06:02,220 --> 01:06:04,620
Really? Yeah, like I think and then he like left town

839
01:06:05,100 --> 01:06:09,980
What? Yeah, he started doing comedy all over the country, but you said you had he left behind like a

840
01:06:09,980 --> 01:06:13,980
A flash drive or something. There was a flash drive. I was scared of putting my computer. Yeah

841
01:06:14,780 --> 01:06:19,660
I don't want to get it. It's a whatever whatever files. Well, it's a cp. It probably stands for computer

842
01:06:20,300 --> 01:06:22,300
I think it was like he's a child person

843
01:06:22,940 --> 01:06:23,820
Yeah

844
01:06:23,820 --> 01:06:25,020
Yeah

845
01:06:25,020 --> 01:06:26,780
He's good with kids. I think the flash drive

846
01:06:26,860 --> 01:06:31,260
I mean it's got a simple for a computer because you put the flash over the computer or cp. Yeah, it's probably a computer person

847
01:06:31,420 --> 01:06:37,580
He's a computer person. So it's probably just like a computer or maybe it was cheese pizza because we did eat a lot of pizza

848
01:06:37,580 --> 01:06:41,340
Oh, yeah, uh-oh. I heard pizza game might be real

849
01:06:42,140 --> 01:06:47,340
Pizza dude pizza is good. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. What's your favorite kind? I cheese

850
01:06:48,300 --> 01:06:52,460
I like uh, I like luma Nadia's a lot. That's my favorite deep dish like a fresh

851
01:06:53,500 --> 01:06:59,660
Luma luma Nadia sounds like a guy you'd go bowling with yeah. Hey me and luma Nadia are going bowling. You want to come?

852
01:06:59,740 --> 01:07:04,860
Yeah, yeah, or a guy who uh, we're gonna be a guy who extorts you for money or something. Yeah

853
01:07:04,860 --> 01:07:06,860
Yeah

854
01:07:06,940 --> 01:07:08,140
Uh

855
01:07:08,140 --> 01:07:15,340
My name is luma Nadia. Why do you think uh, al Capone like to like to put a like he had to put a capo on

856
01:07:15,420 --> 01:07:21,260
That's a guy's name al capone. Oh, I haven't shown you my al capo on on the third fret fret

857
01:07:21,340 --> 01:07:25,100
What about al Paco al al Paco cone? Oh, I like that

858
01:07:25,420 --> 01:07:30,540
And he's it's al like he's the mob boss of Chicago, but he's a al Paco

859
01:07:30,540 --> 01:07:34,780
You know, yeah, we went and me and my girl went and saw al Paco's you could pet their necks

860
01:07:35,260 --> 01:07:40,460
There was al al Paco Pone there. Did you see them pictures of me with al Paco's? I saw those pictures of you

861
01:07:40,460 --> 01:07:42,460
I did a root beer friday

862
01:07:43,180 --> 01:07:46,940
I'm gonna stop correcting you because I got corrected like 20 different times the thanksgiving

863
01:07:47,500 --> 01:07:49,500
Corrected on what? Oh my grammar

864
01:07:49,820 --> 01:07:51,820
I'd be like me and him to be him and I

865
01:07:52,540 --> 01:07:54,540
Yeah, so nobody says

866
01:07:55,100 --> 01:07:57,100
Whoever corrected you like

867
01:07:57,420 --> 01:07:59,420
No, I'm gonna say me and him

868
01:07:59,420 --> 01:08:05,180
I'm gonna I'm gonna talk like this and I have the freedom to talk like this

869
01:08:05,980 --> 01:08:10,140
And you can correct me as much as you want, but I'm gonna talk bad. Yeah, it's a free country

870
01:08:10,140 --> 01:08:13,340
I could talk like I'm poor if I want to that's what I yeah, yeah

871
01:08:14,060 --> 01:08:16,060
You guys what do you have?

872
01:08:16,860 --> 01:08:20,460
Who's uh, he's telling me this is my hammer. No the hammer nice

873
01:08:21,660 --> 01:08:23,660
Yeah, this was an award I got

874
01:08:24,060 --> 01:08:25,740
You got an award

875
01:08:25,740 --> 01:08:27,740
Yeah years ago when I was useful

876
01:08:27,740 --> 01:08:33,820
You just been taking around with you. No, I was gonna use in my intimidation video. Oh nice

877
01:08:34,060 --> 01:08:40,540
Just have it sit in here, but kind of wouldn't balance very well, but that's awesome. Yeah, it's because I'm tougher than nails

878
01:08:41,500 --> 01:08:43,500
I love that or if you hammer people down

879
01:08:44,060 --> 01:08:49,580
Well, I have in my bag my brother's nickname in sports is hammer your gay brother. No

880
01:08:50,300 --> 01:08:52,300
because it's

881
01:08:52,860 --> 01:08:54,860
My other brother's not interesting

882
01:08:54,860 --> 01:08:57,020
It was the worst of pulling out

883
01:08:58,620 --> 01:09:00,620
women

884
01:09:02,380 --> 01:09:07,740
I like that. That's really good. I like that. That's actually good. Not like really good. It's for yeah

885
01:09:09,340 --> 01:09:11,820
Well, what do we say when a joke's actually good? I don't know

886
01:09:13,100 --> 01:09:17,420
It's never happened. It's never happened before they say like get off the stage or something

887
01:09:17,420 --> 01:09:22,220
No, I think it's actually you're kicked off the podcast. Yeah bad comedy. You can't say

888
01:09:22,220 --> 01:09:24,220
The things that are actually funny

889
01:09:24,620 --> 01:09:31,580
But so why did you get the Pikachu corn? I just got the corn dude. I just searched fake corn. That's what I got

890
01:09:35,260 --> 01:09:37,260
Look, it was hard to get this stuff together

891
01:09:37,420 --> 01:09:42,700
You could have just gotten the cornucopia and then just like uh getting some really cheap just like actual corn. Yeah

892
01:09:43,420 --> 01:09:45,420
That was out there

893
01:09:45,420 --> 01:09:47,260
Said I spent yeah

894
01:09:47,260 --> 01:09:53,260
I you know how much real corn I could have bought to get the money I spent on that fake corn like uh,

895
01:09:53,740 --> 01:09:55,740
probably loads

896
01:09:55,900 --> 01:09:57,180
80 cops

897
01:09:57,180 --> 01:10:02,860
I could have filled a hobo soup. How much is a cob? Maybe we should get a cob commodities a cob is one of those the

898
01:10:03,020 --> 01:10:10,220
Cobotities. Yeah, cob is one of those the commodity sounds like somebody with a stuffy nose or jewish guy saying commodities commodities

899
01:10:10,380 --> 01:10:11,580
Yeah

900
01:10:11,580 --> 01:10:13,580
Why are you always sick man? Yeah

901
01:10:13,580 --> 01:10:17,580
Yeah, I was a big commodity the hunchback of noture cob

902
01:10:18,540 --> 01:10:20,380
Oh the

903
01:10:20,380 --> 01:10:22,380
Hunch bob of noture keen

904
01:10:23,260 --> 01:10:25,660
Ah need a haircut in a real cob

905
01:10:26,380 --> 01:10:33,020
Yeah, I think after today I'm probably gonna do fun. I'll probably I'll probably get a haircut all cobs or bastards

906
01:10:33,820 --> 01:10:40,540
Well, this is a great show cobs. Yeah cobs. It was yeah. Why did they take it down? They were like bad bad

907
01:10:40,540 --> 01:10:42,540
Cobs, yeah

908
01:10:45,020 --> 01:10:47,020
You're a good food. Yeah

909
01:10:48,060 --> 01:10:50,060
My george

910
01:10:50,940 --> 01:10:55,340
You're a good food. You're a good food when you're on my plate. Yeah

911
01:10:57,020 --> 01:11:00,060
Who can I call for some corn? Nobody don't want no

912
01:11:00,940 --> 01:11:03,980
Split peas. Nobody don't want no beans

913
01:11:03,980 --> 01:11:11,020
They're burying in my beekeeper outfit burying in my wooden shoes and throw some cobs in there. Yeah

914
01:11:11,820 --> 01:11:13,820
What about the corn and steen corns? Oh

915
01:11:14,220 --> 01:11:19,180
Yeah, it's kind of weird because no one remembers that. Yeah, they remember it as well

916
01:11:19,180 --> 01:11:23,180
They remember it as corn to the C. It was really corn to the K. What is that called?

917
01:11:23,820 --> 01:11:26,540
The mandela effect the cornedela effect

918
01:11:28,220 --> 01:11:30,220
I think that's a good way to close this one off

919
01:11:30,220 --> 01:11:32,220
The corn effect

920
01:11:32,620 --> 01:11:37,500
Guys, patreon.com slash bad comedy. That's where the funny episodes are

921
01:11:40,860 --> 01:11:45,260
That's where the guest episodes are the funny ones. We also released these two days earlier on there

922
01:11:45,580 --> 01:11:48,540
It's 3.99 that's basically a cent per episode

923
01:11:49,820 --> 01:11:53,260
It's it's child's corn. We didn't raise prices with inflation

924
01:11:53,660 --> 01:11:58,940
Like most people did January 10th at comedy bar live show January 10th comedy bar

925
01:11:58,940 --> 01:12:04,460
Yep at a corn comedy bar. Yeah, go to corn comedy.com corn comedy bar.com

926
01:12:05,180 --> 01:12:08,700
Pick the Chicago brand. No, don't go to that. I'll get your cargo stulk

927
01:12:09,180 --> 01:12:12,940
I'll get you a corn. I'll get you all a link at some point makes the sick flyers

928
01:12:13,500 --> 01:12:17,820
Make some fucking we'll get some merch. Yeah, dude. Yeah

929
01:12:18,700 --> 01:12:20,540
Have a coot go. Yeah

930
01:12:20,540 --> 01:12:22,540
Catch me to end the line

931
01:12:22,940 --> 01:12:26,140
In the audience because I'll probably get my spot just one else

932
01:12:26,140 --> 01:12:28,140
Um, and then

933
01:12:28,940 --> 01:12:30,940
What do you got?

934
01:12:30,940 --> 01:12:36,060
Just follow me at comedy baddie and come see me at zany's on the 28th of

935
01:12:36,940 --> 01:12:38,940
November 2023

936
01:12:39,740 --> 01:12:41,740
Only do that matters 915

937
01:12:42,140 --> 01:12:47,580
January 10th live show. It's jason birthday. It's my birthday. It's my birthday as a birthday present you guys

938
01:12:47,740 --> 01:12:52,140
Can you just an anniversary of your album? Yeah, look at the camera and say this guy jason

939
01:12:52,140 --> 01:12:58,540
Yeah, let's say what excuse me while I look at the sky. Yeah, can you look at the camera and say

940
01:12:59,180 --> 01:13:02,300
Please for my birthday. It's my birthday. Please my birthday

941
01:13:03,180 --> 01:13:10,540
Pretty, please come to my comedy show. No, not like that pretty please. No do acting. I'm just a little baby. Yo

942
01:13:11,260 --> 01:13:12,780
Yo, so you know

943
01:13:12,780 --> 01:13:21,740
Babysito now do do uh do like a desperate desperate adult that really wants to come do show on his birthday. Damn it. You can't be a

944
01:13:22,620 --> 01:13:24,620
speak english

945
01:13:24,620 --> 01:13:27,420
A different cage. Yo, so you know, um, I know

946
01:13:29,100 --> 01:13:31,100
My birthday is juneteenth

947
01:13:31,260 --> 01:13:37,340
Yeah, uh, man, too. It was any day in june. It's a little baby. I'm i'm juneteething

948
01:13:37,980 --> 01:13:41,580
I'm getting my teeth. I'm uh, you're being taught racism as a minor

949
01:13:41,580 --> 01:13:46,300
I always thought when I was a baby, I always thought I was a Wayne Brady turned out as a baby the whole time

950
01:13:46,940 --> 01:13:49,500
Yeah, a little Wayne Brady a little Wayne Brady

951
01:13:50,700 --> 01:13:52,700
All right folks, uh anything else guys

952
01:13:53,100 --> 01:13:55,100
Amen. Well, thanks for coming on boys

953
01:13:55,820 --> 01:13:58,540
What have you found out that bad man was actually a little Wayne Brady?

954
01:13:59,260 --> 01:14:01,340
Oh, did you guys learn anything new today?

955
01:14:02,300 --> 01:14:06,700
Yeah, I learned there's just one race the human race and there's just one audience the human audience

956
01:14:06,700 --> 01:14:08,700
Yeah, which you'll hear in a few days

957
01:14:08,700 --> 01:14:10,700
Uh

958
01:14:10,940 --> 01:14:13,980
Corn wait, wait, we never what are you guys thankful for?

959
01:14:14,940 --> 01:14:16,940
I'm thankful for uh corn

960
01:14:17,340 --> 01:14:22,540
I'm grateful for gratitude. I'm grateful for my good feeling my soul to keep I think that

961
01:14:23,020 --> 01:14:25,020
grateful for yeah

962
01:14:25,100 --> 01:14:29,900
My soul to keep and uh, i'm jonathan hickark davis. This has been uh,

963
01:14:31,420 --> 01:14:33,420
I'm the real slib straight jeans

964
01:14:34,140 --> 01:14:36,140
Zecro welch and

965
01:14:36,140 --> 01:14:38,140
I'm the

966
01:14:38,780 --> 01:14:40,780
Train man. We love you

967
01:14:41,020 --> 01:14:43,660
But bye. We'll see you at comedy bar

968
01:14:44,140 --> 01:14:47,660
in after a couple of episodes corn and then so

969
01:14:49,020 --> 01:14:55,100
Every week listen to these plugs and then we'll remind you just gonna forget jane already done corn rows today

970
01:14:55,100 --> 01:15:07,100
Do your hand by