Hey everybody, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. My name is Mac Napper. I'm the main guy and
I'm here with get possible. Man, you'll say Kyle Lane. Oh, a bar there. Come with me.
Yeah. Yeah. We have a day of Billy Corgan. Oh, nice. Like from the smashing pill head
corgan. Yeah, this is this man. We are the smash. Pilkins. I'm smashing pills and snorted.
I like that. So Dylan, you're pretty late today. Like what half hour, probably. Yes,
some would say actually, no, actually 1130 start time. You got here about 15 minutes ago. I don't
know how to read an analog watch, but you're pretty late. Yeah. And so the room wasn't fully set up
when I got here. So we need your phone to fully set it up. Well, you could have set up. I mean,
I use my phone when it's not set up. So once you get here, we set them up both. If he's late,
it sounds big of a deal. You're you're part of the set up. I'm the good cop. So we'll keep going.
But Dylan, you know, you just got to work with us. You know, we'd be your friends. Yeah, I like
this guy. This guy seems nice. I mean, you fucking suck. This is a fucking job, dude. You don't
suck that bad. Do you do you just kind of suck this guy? Do you go to a job and like late every
day? Yeah, if you have if you had one, I don't have one, but I was late every day pretty much.
So work. Okay. Listen, Dylan, we're all occasionally. Did you get fired? I'm going
problem with the podcast and we really care about you and appreciate you here. And yeah. And it's
one thing with jobs. The time doesn't matter that much with this. It literally matters because then
our episodes are shorter. We get a pushback guess. And so I've actually our fans have been demanding
longer episodes. Yeah, especially especially our Dutch fans, the wooden shoes guys. Hell yeah,
they hate when it's shorter than an hour. But think like Jason like sleeps through work all
the time. You don't have a real job. Hey, listen, I make I make actually sold three life policies
this weekend made about 2500 commissions seen your life. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know why you're
talking shit about my sleeping. I remember when this week on Instagram said like I make more than
your worth or something like that. Oh yeah, that's my bio. Yeah, I'll teach you how to make more than
your even worth. That's my bio on Instagram. Thank you. This week I made around 2500. Got a free
guitar. Got a free $300 Wi Fi accelerator. I got a free 12 pack of Voss water. And again,
the $2500. So yeah, not a real job. Well, you don't know how play guitar. You already have
a lot of money. Let's get down to brass tax here. You don't even know how to play guitar.
I don't. Yeah, what's important. That's how rich I am. I have a guitar. I don't even know how to
play it. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Lil Wayne did that. Respect. He has a lot. So Dylan, I prepared
a memo for you. A disciplinary memo delivered to you after the podcast. Lil Wayne is like the
cool. Lil Wayne is the coolest poser of all time. He owns a skateboarding company and he could barely
skateboard. Yeah, he's like a whole skate park and I forgot what song it was. But I love the back
of that song where he talks about like breaking someone's house and killing their whole family.
And then he plays a guitar at the fucking funeral. He's like, that's when you walk in your house
and air by the day. Yeah. Do we have any book of Wayne readings? We nothing new. I'm gonna write.
I'm gonna see if there's any scripture that between the episodes. So you can do a book of Michael
Kane book of Michael Cooper. Okay. All right. Reading from the book of reading from the book
of Michael Cooper. Do we got new you could read his the thing the interaction you had with them
or read the book of Michael Cooper. Why don't you actually read that thing? I can read that.
I could I could pull it up on my head. Yeah, if you can pull it up or read it. Anyway, so
so basically if Michael Cooper had a Facebook post where it was like this this guy is making me
drive to work because he's lonely. My boss because just because he's lonely and he needs to talk to me.
Middle management sucks and guess what they didn't even have any coffee. Are you crazy?
How much do you want to read of this is super long. It was almost just like yeah well so so
basically his long thing was he sent me a super long thing about well I commented first.
Yeah, I have ADHD and a medic kid I don't I don't really drink coffee though because I also have
Crohn's like more real disease. Please hide the coffee right there that you're drinking. I don't
normally drink coffee at sometimes. He messes with me some long thing about how he almost killed
himself from ADD because he didn't have coffee. Is it for me? Yeah, okay. This guy got 88.
I don't think it was because he didn't have coffee. ADD is not even disease anymore. It's
only ADHD. Yeah, he doesn't even know what the fuck he's talking about. He said ADHD. Oh, okay.
And I was like damn dude you're really he says a super long thing lying and then he talked about
that every time we're running into each other I'm disrespectful that makes sense.
True that. And he's like you're minimizing ADHD. I'm like shut up dude. It's the one thing if
you're talking about like cancer depression but you're just talking about like a attention death.
It's kind of vague and it kind of who knows what that really is. Yeah, and like 75% of people have it.
I think like anyone could get that's more what that's more of what I was saying is like it's not
a like something rare dude. I jokingly said it's a very rare disease that we will share.
And then I do understand him wanting to KYS though because I mean I would want to KYS. He said I
was trying to say it was no big deal. I said I'm diagnosed with ADHD. This is in DM now after his
like eight paragraph essay and I said I'm diagnosed with ADHD to Michael and Crohn's disease heads
up. You're wildly disrespectful to almost anyone I've heard you have an interaction with. And
when I when did I say it's no big deal. You're putting words in my mouth. Well he is kind of
just respectable. Just kind of like a real argument. What was he saying? Well he is kind of
disrespectful but then he'll apologize. I shouldn't say that. I say that in here. So I said I'll do it
in his voice. He said I don't think you know me well enough to make a general assessment but I'll
be happy to hear you out. And I said I can say the exact same thing about you. Tell him to buy the
patron if you want to see. I didn't pass judgment on your free episode. I didn't pass judgment with
your interactions with others only with me. But if you feel you've witnessed me actively causing
other people causing others to feel badly again I'm happy to hear you out. I said I don't know
if I want to sell you as Pearl if she puts a leash on her neck power or power hour once
she was visibly and verbally upset. Yeah you say bad shit to people all the time and instantly
apologize but that doesn't change what you said or make you a good person. Oh man I talk shit and
bust balls but I don't take myself as seriously as you do. So just remember to apologize. And he
said you're completely backwards about what you think you heard me say to Pearl. I told you guys
about that that week when he said that by the way. You ever notice how Southerners they're stupid
because but they're very grateful because they don't think they think. Yeah he said you get it.
He said it was another dude. I know you weren't listening. I've been I heard him. He said thank.
They don't think they think. Yeah they're not they're stupid because they don't think but they're
grateful. Thank you thank you the Lord. But Michael claims he was another dude that said that's a
pearl that no one knew and and they were shooed away as they should have been. I hope people want
to I hope people want a lot me to get away with that kind of behavior. I said I saw this
a power hour. I wasn't hallucinating outside in the back. He said I saw it too. I was sitting at
the table dude. Then I I don't know if you're just blocking it from your memory but I remember
you instantly said I apologize. I do apologize. Then Cooper said you may have overheard a different
conversation but no I did not ask Pearl details of her sexual preference. I simply wouldn't do that.
And then he meant say Pearl but he said pair is a dear friend as a matter of fact.
How dear is she. So clearly not that close with pair. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ms. Jackson.
I think he's a Paris fan. I mean yeah. That's my favorite team. I was sitting at this. I was
in Paris. I was sitting at that table and I made that dude leave. We all moved on. You're just
mistaken. I'm afraid. Maybe he has multiple personality disorder. I mean when he says I made
that dude leave he made the dude who said that to Pearl who I think two people made jokes about
her collar that night and it was earlier than the night when he did. I think I saw both actually
there's Michael. You're saying the pearl was wearing a necklace. The collar necklace. Is it like a
pearl. They get dark. Nice. Well technically nice. Nice. A fellas. Let's go. Let's cut to
let's cut to some. Where the fuck am I. Smokes. You're supposed to high five and Gilbert. That
said it's whatever dude. Just an example. I thought you're just hooking me up. I said whatever dude.
It's just an example. I mean you asked. He said like you're trying to hold me accountable for your
perception of a conversation you weren't in while avoiding accountability for the conversations you
have been in. I said you're also not. Why is this guy using so many therapy. I said you're not easily
confusable Michael. He said I don't claim to be. And then I said I skipped the middle. He got all
his vocab from like fucking feminism magazine. Where we're right. Where do they say he's not a
comedian. Hold on. There's Michael Cooper and then there's Cooper Michael. Cooper Michael is the bad
one. Wait no. It's like his alter ego. Yeah. Like split. I just watched a movie split. So his split
split. I guess. Yeah. That's a movie about air clapping. So here it is. So I said the book was
worse. Yeah. The book was flatter. Flat stand. That's flat Stanley clipped it really well.
It's not Stanley. Michael said or I said OK. Well you take yourself too seriously.
To dude. You might do stand up but aside from the time you're on stage you're not a comedian at all.
If anything more than a tragedy in comedy. You said that. Or he said. Oh geez. He said I'm
having trouble understanding the last message there. You're simply saying I'm not funny or saying
I don't fit in. All I said all I'm saying is relax. I'm not going to say it. Well I'm going to
have to do my voice in my voice. How come you always get an argument so people who don't use
normal words. I don't know. All I'm saying is relax. There's ball busting off stage that comes
to stand up and you can't handle that. And if you can't handle that or throw stones and live in
the glass house I don't believe you're really a comedian. So you don't find me fun off stage. Is
that what I'm getting the problem is not fun off stage. That's true. And that's it. On stage.
Also not fun. Oh by the way I got a message a while back from a guy who you were defending at
Lottie's when you went off on me yelling into the mic. Richard Holcomb I think he said he wasn't
upset at me at all. Didn't know why you were freaking out. He was probably having an ADHD attack
and then I said not only not only not fun the opposite you just complain and get upset if
anyone says anything that isn't just supporting you. And then said I freaked out at you because
you were talking through my set. That's why I yelled at you because what you were doing the
whole fucking night and chose to do during my set. No you talk through everyone says I know I've
actually taken Michael Cooper's point. Yeah. No it was during the other comic said that's why
you messaged me. And then you yelled during my set. I was annoyed during everyone else's hit.
I yelled during my set. You were annoyed during everyone else's set. So he yelled at me during
his set. I bet he could whistle through the holes in his teeth. And I said also a butch is I was
being a bit nice and you sister share right off the bat about how do you not have the beginning
of your set ready like a flute or something. Different notes. Michael Cooper told me it's
not that he's neglecting his teeth. He's trying to make a harmonica on his teeth.
He's putting little holes in them. And then he covers the holes his tongue and make different
notes. Yeah. When you had the epoxy situation you're approaching Michael Cooper territory.
Make your teeth into our Monica by putting little holes in them. Yeah.
It's trying to a star is born through epoxy. Anyways in the end I there's a lot but I called
him. I told me wasn't a comedian twice and I wanted to end up with him saying to keep it
professional which I'm doing by saying this on a public platform. Let's keep it professional
guys. And what does he mean by that like not do a fist fight because Michael Cooper I don't do
fist fights. I have a knife and a gun. I do it Dale style open hand. Yeah. I think I'm not a good
fighter. So I have a lot of weapons. It's funny. Dale so Dale says he always slaps people. It's
like a hard slap he can knock you out with. He's kind of like a cat. You know that's like a cat.
Dale's a kitty cat. He's a big cat. He's Garfield. Yeah. Okay folks I got a problem here.
No I'm aside from the Michael Cooper bullshit. Oh dude there's a lot of shit going down this
pissing me off. Okay. Yeah this is a kind of an anger. You're okay Mac kind of an anger episode.
No. How you doing. Yeah we're worried about you. No I mean just when it rains the pores okay.
Feaster famine. Feaster yeah beast of beast of burden or something.
I'll never be your beast of burden. The Adam Freeland show on top of stealing our jokes. What's
the Adam Freeland show I've never heard of this. It's it's it was a come town and Adam Freeland's
at Skinny Jewish guy. Okay. Well what's come town. Come town is a it's a New York park. I don't
know. It's a city made out of come population man. A little bird told me actually sorry some
background here. We've caught Adam Freeland stealing our jokes twice. Oh this is a joke.
Normally I mean it's been two different jokes that you I mean it's been the same week that they've
come out with it after or after two weeks. My God. It's so upsetting to hear they saw our
war what was good for this old Michael Clark Duncan jokes from us and now they have an ironic gun
on their podcast that we've been doing for two and a half years since the inception of this podcast
and I know it's mainly we had the idea for the gun before the podcast. Yeah.
Yeah we've we've been doing this for two years and now you guys since you're losing viewership
on your podcast portion trying to have your talk show now you're trying to get a gun
but get a gun to get more views and stealing from an up and coming podcast. I just want to add to
your point here like we've been doing the gun thing for two years but we've also before the
podcast we used to just hang out and talk and point the gun at each other and pull a trigger
with no camera. Yeah. So we've been actually doing that gun thing for maybe five six years maybe
even 10 maybe even 10 years we've been so pointing a gun at each other while we talk.
You should challenge him to a duel. Just so you know Adam we open every episode with a gun cock
okay. Hell yeah. And I know it's mainly Nick holding the gun in the episode but we just want
to kill you Adam. Yeah. Your name's on the show. We think you take responsibility. The other guy is
better than you. So I mean yeah he's funny. I mean your name's on the show. This is on you buddy.
So all I want to say is next time you're in Chicago we have next time you're in Chicago
I've told all of our patrons all the hosts are aware everyone's aware it's on site. It's on site.
If we see you and we're probably going to know where you are guaranteed to be in ICU. Yeah guaranteed
to be in ICU and I will know where you are because if you're on a show in Chicago yeah it'll probably
show your face on it or something. And then after we do that to you we're going to say check the
scoreboard and then we're going to show you Chicago crime statistics. Yeah and then it's going to be
the Nick Mullin show and the scoreboard is going to be like a lot of crime and what and then one
more tick you're going to wear a watch that a little tick go up in the murder yeah in the murder
column. Yeah and Adam I wasn't that upset when you kept stealing our jokes but now that you're
stealing this staple of our podcast like this is our this is our what with a copy. It's a copy
written. It's copy written but it's our trademark. It's a trademark. It's gone as our trademark.
It's our finishing move and then signature. They just bring it on like it's just something they can
do. Also Lemons party podcast with Tim Dillon's old bitch Ben Avery Stephen Avery or something
whatever his name is. Yeah Stephen Avery Stephen Avery. Stephen Avery. Lemons party with Stephen
Avery. They had to go on the podcast too. If you look at me I look exactly like Stephen Avery.
I'll talk to Ben Avery is my brother. How long you've been doing Lemons party Stephen Avery.
How long you've been doing it. Not as long as us you have an ironic gun.
Lemons party more like demon party. You guys are you guys are pulling us through hell.
I'm surprised Sam Talon didn't bring that up when he was on our episode or bring it up to them when
he was on their episode. I don't think he did. He did bring it up. We're going to kill you.
Well but he didn't say that they stole it. He didn't mention the gun but he mentioned that we
were like them. He said we were a less nuanced version of them or yeah yeah we're sort of every
man's version of a podcast that nobody listens to. No no we're going to step on by the lemon party
is the one that no one listens to. Oh yeah we're the little guy again stepped on by the big guy
who has plenty of success. We're going to kill you Adam Freeland and Stephen Avery from lemon
party. We get some big guests. You ever heard of Jerry Hamedy. He's Persian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Stephen Avery you know you know Ham talent that fat dude you guys had on the podcast. He does a
podcast with Nathan Lawn our best friend. I love Nathan Lawn. So Stephen Avery watch your back.
I went to Denver by the way. You don't get to have your own podcast. You get to be Tim Dylan's
bitch. Everything you say about Denver. You get to be Tim Dylan's bitch. That's all you get to be
and take the gun off your damn podcast. I think Tim Dylan fired him or something. Yeah. Take the
gun off your podcast or we'll fire you like Tim Dylan did but we'll fire you when I say fire
you. I mean maybe we could do like a fire at you. We'll do a duel at all another gun podcast.
So it would be like so. Yeah. I mean I was a joke. I'm proposing it for a reality though. Oh yeah
like what I'm in the middle of do I like when I'm in the middle of like a thing where I'm like
going off. I'm not listening to anything else or when I'm when I'm reading through the Michael
Cooper thing I wasn't listening to you. Yeah. Yeah. It's like when you're just like around me ever.
Well it's 20 minutes. Sometimes it hurts me. No my brain is it hurts me. No but if I'm like
stressed out or we're working on something I'm not good at like multi hearing. I'm not going to
hear any other stuff while I'm in the middle of something. I'm pretty bad at multi hearing as well.
I have selective hearing when I'm working on stuff. You should do a Michael Cooper but he
doesn't get a gun. I'm down. I'm like Kanye West. I love your titties because I could focus on
do things at once. Michael Cooper is the third on our on our kill list. None of us would be sorry on
our cancel list on our cancel list. Can't cancel list. What's the cancelist code for something
we've been talking about. Let me check that. So none of us would be here without come town.
No. Yeah. Kind of joke. You joke about we stole this from come town. Well we did steal their
essence. Yeah. No. No. No. No. They still are essence I think but they didn't have a gun. Yeah.
I remember the free gun is our whole thing. That's what makes us funny. First time I've
ever listened to come town I had a black girlfriend I lived with and a trans roommate
and I was like oh my god I need headphones or you can make your own. I was like these
these guys are going to ruin my life. And you know what he hears. And you also listen to
what's his name. Kevin. Kevin Brennan's and he he does like come town but he means it.
He's like actually all right. Yeah. Like he's actually like racist and stuff but he makes
like the exact same jokes as come town. I'm gonna do a little bit of camera. It's really awesome.
I want to make a podcast with Brian Johnson so bad just you and him. Yeah. I think I like
to look. I think it would work. I'm talking when I talk to Brian Johnson it's just like him
railroading me. Yeah. So I feel like if you're cool with just sitting there listening to him
to rant about how he regrets making a trans go joke 10 years ago. Yeah. Like he like he has all
this guilt about like woke issues. That's just like it's just like the anti-mac but the same.
The thing about Brian Johnson is like his life is so bad he should be like allowed to say the
N word and make whatever joke he wants. You know what I mean. Like no one would he nobody.
He's not punching down on anyone because he's already at the bottom. But he used to punch
down and he still feels guilty about his own so many. Brian Johnson cannot by definition
can not punch down. He can punch down. No he can't because there's no one below him. He is he is
pinnacle of comedy. Yeah Dylan you can't see these these you can do a podcast with him
and here but it's you got to pay 40 a prep so to do it. What privilege does Brian Johnson have
over anyone. Those are my standards. He's naturally funny. He can he is naturally funny. He could be
like a machine that just goes for an hour straight. They should do a remake of the machine
for Christ. You're with Brian Johnson. Your shirt. Yeah I'd love to see Brian Johnson.
By the way if anybody wants to record a podcast here it's 40 an hour. It's $10 cheaper than
Lincoln Lodge. You need money. No I'm just saying I mean I want to build the network.
It's a professional. Also check out cool steeper club dot com. Use our comedy. Use our promo code
bad comedy for subscription to 25 percent off. Check out comedy bar. They're cool. We're doing
a live show comedy bar January 10th my birthday. Come to comedy bar in Chicago and check out
future bad comedy podcast network. Yeah. Have some of you on there potentially. We could maybe
bring my fake comedy bar. I have like a fake gun. Yeah. You're good. Talk. I'm talking. Yeah. So
I so bad comedy podcast network is going to be in probably partnership with a comedy bar. But
maybe we'll see. But we are. I don't know. I might say no or not. I don't know. Maybe. No. Or
we go to work. I mean county bar is cool but I'm kind of holding out for a creek in the cave.
Yeah. I'm actually I was talking to Kumi. I'm trying to do with something with Second City
Main Stage. I was talking to King Louis in regards to this sweatshirt. He wants one. Yeah.
That rules dude. I'm happy. Actually got to you. Got back to you. Yeah. Yeah. We were talking.
You guys said them one. Yeah. I got to get it. I got to remember where I made it in your PO box
buddy. Yeah. Just go through your order. I'm getting sent here. So I'm going to I'm going to
get a two XL made and I'm going to send here and be like why don't you come to the podcast
when you're here. I have a kind of having King Louis on the podcast. It would be so funny. I
have a kind of funny. You kill us. I have a funny shirt story. Do you want to hear my funny shirt
story. I would love to. I was in Denver last weekend and hang out with Denver hang out with
my brothers and Denver was there. Nice. And my brother's you know who Denver is. My brother started
a fighting kind of my one brother was like trying to fight my other brother and I he like got him
in a choke so I pulled it apart and then my he pushed me and I tripped over the guy on the ground
and he came down on top of me and I smashed the back of my head on the ground and I and he was
on top of me. He's like this is kind of crazy. Right. I go my head really hurts. I think I really
heard something. So I got up and there was like a horror movie amount of blood on the ground.
Oh my God. Like can I see you do you have stitches. I have staples right here. That's a cutting
hair out. No. I see. Yeah. I could it'll be a second. But then you trust your bad ears.
Always doing that. Let's do a whole show. This is a new segment. We show each other our fucked up
shit. Oh dude. OK. Yes. I have to see under the hair. But yeah. I can see a little bit.
You're kind of like Chris Stapleton. That's what they've been calling me. I'm just a rough
flange and he's hanging out Ben Verben verse a guy named Ben and he's half man half beaver.
You guys want to visit the staple center. It's right here. Right here. It's like a centaur.
It's it's kind of a staple of this podcast. I like the gun. Leave it to Ben. It's kind of
interesting to treat my head like crushing a beer can. I get the ground like and then just
like some liquid comes out. You ever you ever cry for a beer can. I burp. I burp. Crystured it.
Beer can is so anyway. I go to the E.R. and that's right. Did you ambulance there. No. No I took
a Uber. That's the smartest decision. Yeah. Ambulance is the biggest bullshit of all time.
So expensive. It's just as expensive as the hospital. It was like three in the morning
to so I figured whatever. So I get to the hospital and Stephen Haas was there. They the whole thing
is like they like they put some needles in your head. They like to do to do a bunch of needles
in your head with like numbing shit. They clean it out and then they staple it. So I just do this
when I'm not hurt. So I'm in there and it's really funny because I'm in the hospital. My head's
bleeding everywhere and I'm like a napkin on it and I'm wearing a shirt. It says God's favorite.
So that's my funny shirt story where people like. Yeah. I was. No it was really stupid.
Anybody make a joke about it. I did. No the other people weren't really joke. They were like
serious medical. If I was a doctor I would have been like I don't know. Well then she goes to
clean out my wound and she's just basically pouring water on my head and it's leaking down
in my shirt and my shirt is just like soaking with blood and water and it was just like a wet.
It was my white shirt so you can see like my nipples and it's just like blood and water
completely soaked my shirt and then she brought me a paper shirt but she didn't have an XL or
she didn't have a 2 XL so paper shirt. Yeah it was like a paper hospital shirt. He like one and
I put it on and it was a cloth gown type of it was so tight. She's like I could cut the sides to
make it a little more loose and then she cut the sides and basically tore off. We should get paper
shirts and wooden shoes but yeah they have these like they go fun paper shirts. We should do paper
shirts. They're horrible. You won and lost a wet t-shirt contest at the same time. I feel like
if I was a doctor and I saw a patient that is God's favorite I'm like I'm gonna help that guy first.
I hope you get in with God. You should wear it every day. No there's funny doctors though like my
GI my Crohn's doctor. He's always like a make fun of Nancy Pelosi and like saying that he hates
lip cokes but those guys have it like ER doctors aren't I don't they're not funny with patients. Yeah
supposedly there's a there's a gallows humor among the nurses. Oh yeah I guess you see people die all
the time. Yeah but but you're always doing with assholes. Yeah but just when I'm just talking
with him when I'm when I'm chopping it up with my GI. He's like he's like seven feet tall. When he's
chopping up your bottle and he's chopping it up and he just hates Democrats. He just rambles about it
and I'm like dude totally because you know I watch the news I know all about it. I got a new
open mic joke whenever somebody is on the names on the list but they're not there. I say their name
and no one comes up I go what is this the people who voted for the Democrats.
What I kind of do is I just what I'm responding to this this really conservative doctor
is rambling about like Nancy Pelosi and stuff. I just say yeah I just say like regular like
it's sort of the talking points. I'm like I hate Texas. You should just stay. I don't know what's
going on in the news. I'm the specifics. I mean you know the broad strokes. Right. Yeah I'm just
like dude I mean free market. I mean yeah yeah the less regulation the better. Yeah Ronald Reagan.
No not trickle down. What's what should our platform of trickle down be. I should say I'm
like a free Palestine. No like pickled down. Pickle down economics. Not binary but the jude.
Pickle down economics. We do that. That's our platform. I think I have our platform saved somewhere
in there. I'll add them. Oh we're gonna have like a how about the end of CMO trickle down. Brickled up.
The new day. I should have like a platform for like actually I'll say the data CMO idea for the
Patreon. You have like a political. The one that we were doing earlier. Steph Max Rice is a he's a
politician but he's really a comedian. You only hear my impression. You should do the opposite.
Hey Ronald I'm a Maxie Rice. I had that you that you got beat up by Chance the Rapper
through five degrees of people. The first thing I did when I woke up today was I listened to the
South Park song. I'm so Ronery. You remember that. Team America. Singles. Amazing. Because
Nura's cat was crying. It was all sad. I was like your cat is like the song.
I listened to a Chinese song. I've been listening to a song every day. Usually when I wake up for
a thing I do I hit my gong. Now there's power hour last night. There's an Indian and Jason played
an Indian theme. Was it long ago. Yeah. But I believe it was. It was not long. Patron Patron
Longo. What was the Indian theme. I don't know. I thought you played like a little Indian riff
Matthew. I probably just played the same thing I always play which is the like
no see Matthew tried playing that when there's an Asian guy. Oh yeah. He couldn't even play it.
That's so disrespectful. At least get it right. Yeah. If you're trying to like. Yeah. Try to be
wrong. When it comes to Matthew Doyle Perez patron we love him. So when it comes to the guy's names
like John. If you can do a pie chart you love these right. Yeah. And then what percentage of the
pie chart do you think would be comedy skill and guitar skill which for Matthew Doyle Perez. Yeah.
Like what percentage of each. I mean I play guitar but I think he's like incredible guitar.
Okay. And I'm way better at comedy than him. So like 99. So it's like I feel like 90 ton or
something. Well I'm talking about his comedy versus his guitar. Yeah I know but I'm like super
biased because I really look up to his guitar and I really look down on a stand up. So we'll
say 98 we'll say 98 to 2. Okay. Sure. Sounds about right. I don't even want to talk shit about that
guy. I love him so much. Well Matt Perez I got I got a guitar and I'm not going to learn to play it.
There was that one story. I was outside of power hour. I was like I hated when people do this kind
of joke. I just heard someone do it the other day. I'm talking shit about it. Oh Matthew
Doyle Perez. Oh that was me. Sorry dude. Wow. And you just sent this guy to his face without
remembering it was him. Matt Perez knows we talk shit about him. That's funny that you disconnected
it from even being a person. You're just like this. I mean it's a type of joke I've heard for
years at Open Mike. So I was really just trying to hate. We love him. The hackiness of it. We love
him and we love PD Rodriguez. Shout out to do a PD shout out. Yeah. What do you after you get
the keyless shot. You go like oh but I had a weird I had an Asian moment with that guy. I think his
name is John something and he the drinker was Kaylee Horton and she was telling that God that
John guy. Yeah you didn't she didn't say anything. She just ate like catfish and then no one. It was
a mess. Last night was a mess. Honestly it was ladies night which is cool. I'm drinking on 12
one so you guys should come. Yeah. I think I'm gonna do mushrooms or something and
it's gonna be boys night because it was ladies night. That's gonna be men's night or boys night
male host. So I fell as night. That's what I've been calling it. Nice. Close. So anyway this Asian
guy is talking to Kaylee. His name is John something. You can't remember. And he goes
and Kaylee was actually he was like I have trouble getting women because I'm Asian or
something and he was like actually my friend the other day said who was that hot Asian guy
talking about you and I said are you sure she wasn't talking about Tom Chang.
And he's like what Tom Chang. I was like do you know Tom Chang. He's a hot dude and he's like
we don't all know each other. Tom Chang comes here all the time dude. He said we don't all know each
other. Yeah like because I like do you know this other guy and I was literally mean like Tom Chang
is a comic who comes to this very same open mic and he's like and he did the thing like not all
Asians know each other dude and it's like no we all know Tom Chang. No you should have said yeah you do.
He said he also said when Asians see each other on the street because there's not a lot in Chicago
they always give each other a nod and I was like yeah I always nod at Asian people too.
Going nod. What's up. Not a lot of you guys. I bow to them.
A lot of people minorities. This would be respectful. I gotta do a nice bow.
But the nod is kind of like there. I see you. Yeah I see you. Yeah. When you say I see you it sounds
more like I see you. I figured out where I remember I'm one episode I said I see you.
That's from Lord of the Rings. That was the voice from the big eye. No way.
Sauron has a voice. Sauron. It's a guy trapped in a yeah it's like the evil Lord.
It's Sauron. Sauron. I don't know he talks. Sauron. Sauron. Yeah it's Sauron Fogarish.
He's like I'm a big fat guy. I see you. He's really trying to break the
inner eye with his fatness. I see the biggest fattest guy in the room. He wants to be famous
for saying that he's a big fat guy. I get it now. We all want to be fatties. Hey listen buddy we all
want to be famous for that. Dude he's probably got beef with Ken Floreid because Ken Floreid
probably loves beef. I know man. He probably thinks that Ken Floreid is stealing from me.
They would probably love to get together and have a beef. Yeah go to the hotel.
Do you think dude I would like that. I want to see Ken Floreid and Sauron fight.
Yeah the problem is every time they have beef they just problem is every time they have beef
they just eat it. And they fall asleep. Ken Floreid's a dentist which is kind of cool.
Yeah that's cool. I kind of wish I was darker skinned so my teeth looked whiter.
Even if I was just like more tan than my teeth would look brighter. You should get veneers
dude. Yeah we gotta run our money. You can pick like the color. You can get like blue looking
ones. We gotta get our money right. It looks like you know like a fluorescent light. It looks
kind of blue. You can get your teeth like that. I mean if anything I would get gold.
Well you do like a 10 year ago fun me to get veneers and then like we better get these wooden
shoes soon. I think Gucci used to have gold veneers gold plated veneers at least. But then
once he got out of jail he got skinny he got white veneers. I would give veneers but you got me
those grills that once I put those in. Have you tried those. Yeah did you fuck with them.
I might do that today. Yeah I'm gonna boil some water because it's like a mouth guard.
Wait are those the same ones I got you or is that different. I think you have probably
yeah I got mine from Team Moo it's probably the same thing. No I actually I actually thought
like if I bought something from Team Moo it would be bad so I went like one level up price
was all right. Thank you because I wanted you to actually wear them tomorrow because I thought it
would be funny if you were even harder to understand on the podcast. All right so tomorrow Dylan let's
let's eat. Let's eat. It's both try out our grills like at home separately we'll boil them and then
we'll send videos to the group chat of how we sound and how we look. Okay and then we'll get Jason's
post that on the Patreon and then Jason post that on the Patreon. Yeah guys that's some Patreon only
stuff and we also have an episode with Nick Mullin actually that's only on Patreon but it's
titled it's it's tight what was it. This is but it's actually called Jerry Homidy. I don't we
accidentally people might actually do it. Yeah I don't know that would be hilarious. Fuck them if
they are stupid enough to fall for this. Can you tell the truth and say that it's true.
I mean yeah if I have grills in it's on it's on I hear your headphones bad right now maybe
I have grills and cut out at all. If I have grills in does that mean that my personality I have to
act more hard. No dude like look at I mean there's certain rappers who have grills and they don't
act hard all the time. Like Riff Raff. Oh yeah Riff Raff rules. Kodak Black seems like a 12 year
old to me. Okay. Because I think he got famous when he was 12 so he never grew up. My friend opened
for Riff Raff rapping. That rules. He got boot off stage because he was Riff Raff fans. He's like a lame
frat rapper. When I was with my brothers in Denver I made them listen to all four tiptoe songs in a
row by Riff Raff. Those are my favorites. Listen to Riff Raff Chris Cross. The tiptoes the tiptoes
verse on tip the sorry the riff Raff verse on tiptoes four is the worst best rap verse of all time.
It's 100% level five. We'll have to like listen to it at some point. I've never heard anything like
this. I'm down. It's so good. It's so good. A little bird told me some tea that I can say on here.
Let's get it. If you look up Lincoln Lodge the public business ownership owner John Ledley.
Nice. Sorry Mark Geary. Dude it'd be kind of funny if he went in and like ousted everybody
and then just put us in. Yeah. And I just looked it up. Dude. I mean dude everyone.
Let's talk to John about it. Rose battle into Zandies. Everyone's leaving the lodge. Oh really.
Yeah. We should move into the lodge then and we could we could use their spot. Yeah. And we could
turn it into the new north bar. Yeah. But Mark wouldn't allow that. Well we would be able to buy
his steak and then let John back in. We'll hire Jim. Do you guys to us to sit by the bar and
yeah we'll have Jim do operations. His job is to sit by the bar and smell bad. Yeah. Smell bad.
And then you get riders back up. We also got a rider could be as filling as we got to buy a big
loud speaker to be playing music behind him. So when he's talking to you quietly you can't hear
anything. Yeah. Yeah. So you have to wait in and smell his milk breath. Part of the part of his job
is milk breath. Every day he shows up we have a glass of milk on the counter for him. No.
But that's what I love about Jim is in north bar he's very hands on. He would always be like you
know running around in all the operations. He would never. Yeah. Yeah. He never just delegated
every single thing to people. He never asked me to move a bunch of chairs every time he did a comedy
show. He never made me do a bunch of stuff all the time. Khalil hands on to wanted to vote for him
for hardest working comedian but he's not working anymore. Shout out about Khalil the comedian.
Shout out. Shout out to Jim from North Bar. First of all for being my comedy dad for a year. But
second of all I kind of helped him like clean out the place a little bit. It was only like a half
hour he needed help with with some stuff. And he gave me he gave me three big bottles of liquor.
Oh nice. Yeah. Yeah. And and some like random stuff. I forgot what it was. But poker and
the liquor in the back was getting some upstairs gave you all that alcohol. Do you think they
are maybe grooming you or they were flying away. They're flying away to LA. Yeah. Okay.
When a gay guy grooms you it's because he's trying to make you his groom. I saw this thing of like
he did he was maybe grooming Justin Bieber. And I think he did. That's interesting because he's
just kind of he doesn't really do that much music himself. It doesn't seem like he would just kind
of ride off the success of other people or just like yeah. So I feel like Mac you could be like
a p ditty of what comedy with your yeah bad comedy podcast. Yeah. I mean my plan is to have an
absolute empire. So I would be kind of like a Dr. Dre or a p ditty or something like that. Yeah.
So you got to get like Dale because Dre I feel like in NWA wasn't I feel like easy. He was the
main guy. Dale would be like a big small. Yeah. I think ice cube was big too though. Ice cube as
well. Yeah. I feel like I'll be like I think I think about Dr. Dre is like I don't think he
actually wrote any of his lyrics ever and that's he's always been more of a producer. He is our
beat maker. Dude I went to a gym planning and show and that piece of shit dude that asshole.
I mean after the show I was like Jim how's it going. And he was like Mac you are not funny.
You'll never do anything well in comedy. And I was like I'm sorry man. Like what's what's good.
And he was like leave leave now. This is a nice rose money. I knew he was mean but that's crazy.
He was also just being mean to people in the audience for no reason like he was doing like
crowd work like I mean yeah. It wasn't like a Hofstetter thing where he catch like re catches
are you saying something bad. No it's like Dave Chappelle and Nutty Professor. Yeah. He was calling
people fad and yeah. Well it was kind of like when Sam Priest was at Dave that Dave Chappelle.
Dave Chappelle called him that basically Jim Flankey was just calling everyone the
F Slur in the front row. That's not appropriate anymore. And he wasn't even drunk. He had I think
he had one Heineken. Well yeah we know. I mean I guess no I guess it doesn't take much from the
show is true colors. He kind of wish he was drunk. Yeah. Yeah. Give him a good excuse because
obviously like you can do anything you want if you're drunk because it doesn't count. I remember
one time I was like hanging out at the Laf Factory and I heard over the speaker the comedian and
they're saying the N word over and over. I'm like is this Kramer on stage. I go in there just Jim
Flanigan doing his doing his written material. Oh my God. Like oh my God bro. Every time I hear
about Jim I'm like this because I used to think he was a nice guy. You know that's what he goes on
like he goes on like the daytime news remote shows. Yeah. Seems like a super nice chill guy. Yeah.
I mean he was not really nice. He went on to enjoy and he was nice then but he became just
a monster. You know what he's it's probably the success is going to his I think it's going to
his head. There's this one time I was like asking him about you know like where to find corporate
gigs with some he just gave me some advice and he was like super nice about it and he was like
like yeah if you have any questions ever just let me know like anything. I'm like OK yeah that's
how mean he is. No no it's the long call. And then he said not. So when he said not I was kind of
I mean that's kind of funny though. Yeah. For the clip you should redo what you just said and then
he said not. Do you want me to. Yeah. You ran the gym playing. Yeah. No there's this one time I
was asking him just some random comedy advice and he gave me good advice and he was like if you ever
need anything let me know anything. Yeah. Not. He said yeah. So I was like you got me but it was
not funny. Yeah. It was funny. You want to be successful. That really kind of helped you
some advice from a guy who is full time comedy. Yeah. I could probably change my whole career
trajectory. He does. He does by saying not. Yeah. Really took away everything he said. Yeah.
That's cool. It's cool. You even let you talk to him though because I one time I tried to walk up to
him and a couple other comedians were talking and they were in a circle and I tried to enter
the circle and he kept putting his arm out putting his shoulder in front of me. He wouldn't let me
into the circle. I was like come on. I know all you guys. Yeah. And he said no. This is for headliners
only. Yeah. Yeah. This is the headliner circle and he put out his arm. What time I was you should
told me what time I was in Zane ease and I saw it was Sean Flannery Jim Flanagan and Robbie
Flanigan who works in Zane ease. They're all they're on a circle. I accidentally I accidentally
called the blinding white skin in the front. The most Irish three guys I mean their names
their names are all very similar. So I walked up to Jim accidentally called him Robbie Flannery
and he was like what did you just call me. Oh my God. That is not my name. Get out of Zane
ease. I don't want to see you at this Zane ease. I don't want to see you Zane ease Roman. Oh my
God. Rosemont Schomburg and he said I don't want to see you ever again. Get out of my sight. Yeah.
And then I went to the bathroom and Stephen house and Adam and Matt is very sick.
What a traumatic night. Dude I went home and cried. Jesus. Yeah. So you're Adam and Eve not
Adam and Steve. I think that's what it was. Yeah. I tried to like speaking of getting his name
wrong. I tried to do a little riff on his name one night I go. Hey what's up there Jimmy flannel
shirt. Yeah. And you know it's funny. It's a cute little yeah. Just joking around with him. I thought
we're friends. He goes you'll never work in this town again. Yeah. What. He's like I'm going to be
sure of it. Dude he said one phone call and I'll end your entire career. It must be that that
Irish short fuse that he just kind of snaps on the snap of a nickel or whatever the thing is.
Also I wonder who is one phone call is. What do you mean which Jewish guy is that.
That could ruin my whole career. Yeah. Birdhouse. Dude one time I went I went to Zany's and ran to
birdhouse and I put some bird feet in it so that birds can get food. You fed the bird. That's nice.
Yeah. There's actually there's a physical bird house that runs Zany's and there's Steven Haas.
You know what dude that would definitely explain that guy's weirdness if he grew up in a birdhouse
like a giant bird house. That could be one of his sketches him and him and his dad crawling out that
little hole in the side like birds and kind of there's like an egg bed. He could be an egg lord.
It's just the house is just full of little sticks. Hey wait. We talked about we talked about
actually I think we already talked about this. It was well it was
Sorob was Dr. Chair instead of Dr. House. But then did I do Steven Haas was the show is called
Steven House. His name is House. He's an autistic doctor and he made he makes sketches and his
digs to the viket and plays jazz guitar. Was in a birdhouse. I mean what's his name does play the
piano you know. He's got a lot of talent. His is ticktocks and reels do well. So good for him.
Good for you Steven House. I like his pickleball. I hope I play pickleball.
I hope Adam and I'm not Brian area. Don't play pickleball. Yeah. Let us know if you could call
in. Let us know how Adam Addis is wiener is. I picture it being really long.
Do you need anything back from Excel. Oh shit. I picture is we are really long skinny.
Excel wanted us to call him to do a five band interview for his ticktock channel.
Excel. I got no message back. Who's Excel. Let me grab my iPad. He got back to me on snap.
Is that who's what's it called. What has happened news. Yeah. Yeah. He wants us to help him with
that. No that's sweet. He's gonna he's gonna do a bit mojies on us. It's dope. I was wanting to do a
news thing. I get to do a current events show soon. We used to do the news on here. You could do the
news sometimes new little segment. We only really cover monkey attacks. Remember that. Yeah.
I feel like yeah. I might have to fake one. I saw this lady was faking sideline reports in the
NFL and I thought maybe I'll just make shit up for now. I mean the news is pretty much all made
up anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Not just kidding. Yeah. I walk out for one second.
This is the news. I love the news and AP news is probably my favorite because it's
love really because college credits. I get to our college. That's a thing. They were AP classes.
We had style AP swag. What does AP stand for a penis. So that's pretty good. I mean I kind of
thought a pussy guys back me up here. I got I can't thank you up on him. You know when I'm doing a
task. Yeah. Why not. You can't multi listen. Yeah. Yeah. Mac can't multi listen. I can multi
task. I can do several tasks. You can do double task but you can't multi listen. Right. He's got one year. Yeah.
I only got one year. It doesn't go in one year out the other. It's just like doesn't go in one
year. It just have a force field. Yeah. I have had it doesn't go in one year. It doesn't go out the
other. Yeah. Strength or a weak one year out the out the other as well. Do you think it's a strength
or weakness. Is that we say yeah or both or both. It depends on the situation. Do you think on a
podcast which is a conversation style. Do you think it's a strength or a weakness. It depends on what
the conversation is and if it's like a riffing it once and a five minute monologue. Yeah. What do
you think about talking under people for like the whole episodes. Kind of don't have a choice. So
yeah you do. You really do. I really don't have a choice. They didn't teach you how to talk in the
trees. They definitely did not teach him how to talk in upper peninsula. They didn't teach him. No.
You just be polite. Get the most out of everybody. We're not getting the most out of everybody for
making it undecernable. But you told me the other night when you were in the UP you didn't
realize that people like inflected your voices until you came here or something like that. I didn't
say that. You said like nobody ever accused you of that till you came here. Now in college you
called it in heaven for us. You said. You don't remember this conversation we were having. No I
remember. You said on the podcast that you first really noticed it in college and your roommate
said you sounded like you were stoned. If you were listening I wasn't my roommate. It was your
boyfriend. Yeah your gay boyfriend. Sorry. You weren't listening. Your male sex partner. No we didn't
have sex. Jason. Yeah just hand him off stuff. I think he hears AP he thinks a penis. He thinks
that's literally what it stands for. I didn't name it. It stands for a pussy. Ever heard of it.
What is it about you. Your massage. What is it named after you in your life. He's a pussy.
That's good dude. I had another great moment at power hour when somebody on stage goes make
some noise if you guys have been bullied in your life and some people clapped and then I yelled
you're all pussies. Nice. That was a big moment for me. So then like everybody should be nice.
Like everyone at once. That's kind of like what Jim Flanagan does. He bullied everybody.
He said he wants to be called and word Jim from now on. Do you think it's a good rebranding. Yeah.
I mean first of all racist second of all kind of stealing from first of all Samuel Clemens and
Louis C.K. He's been mean to me so much every time he's mean to me. I go not flan again. Nice.
There's gold. I wonder when he's because he's he's seen he saw the thing where you're talking
about how mean he was because I know for sure because I commented Ed Jim Flanagan so me
and then he liked it. Oh yeah. I have some food for that clip had a lot of shares.
Yeah. More shares than like yeah which is actually a good son. That's what I like. Yeah. I like it.
I have a food for thought though. So I was thinking out Adam and Eve you mentioned and
and of course God made Eve out of his rib. Adam's rib. Yeah. He had a lot of ribs. How come he only
made him one woman. He was worried about the river. I'll vote. He should he should. Yeah. If you can
make a woman out of one of my ribs I'll give you all my ribs. Exactly. Yeah. They don't need ribs that
I like women. I'm a whore. You might want to keep some ribs because the woman will she'll
pack your heart. Yeah. Oh yeah. I still got to protect. That's why. Yeah. That's why he could
only afford to lose one rib. Because once he got the woman he needed more protection for his heart.
And then it's like how many women could overpower a man. They don't need to overpower us because
they can overpower our hearts. How many women does take a screw in a light bulb.
I don't know how many one. They probably know how to do it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why it's a
question. Jason. Well I didn't know. Yeah. I've literally never seen a woman do anything useful.
Whoa. I'm not I mean not cool man. I honestly haven't ever seen a woman screw in a light.
Like we say honest. You know why because if there's a light bulb out they make the guy fix it. And
that's sexist. Jason you say all the best of stuff on here but the thing about women not doing
anything I can't I can't stand. I said I'd never seen it from my personal experience. Women are
people you know. Yeah. The only kind of job I ever seen a woman do is a fucking suck on my dick.
Women are women are kind of like black people you know can't live with them can't live without them.
Black women are black people. How about this that lady that was like the Simon racist the
sideline reports. It's confusing because people always say people say that about like sisters
and women all the time Dylan we're not you're not talking under us we're talking over you.
Yeah. Well we're just talking that time and then you're you were talking under us.
Anyway what are you going to say about light bulbs.
Go ahead Dylan floors your little screw driver.
Saying that the lady who lied on the sideline reports and believe all women lie. Oh yeah.
Yeah. Believe all I say and not. Well it's actually scientific fact that women have never
lied. That's why you're supposed to believe all women and believe no men. Well men always lie.
Many men. I mean I lie constantly. Oh me and Bob Keen were on national TV. Remember that guys.
We talked about that in the group chat. It was pretty cool to be on TV with Bob Keen.
Yeah. I'm surprised you fit in the frame with his giant head. Yeah. Nice.
You just got roasted on national television. No Bob. Yeah. Bob. Yeah.
This is national television. Even use. I don't like when Bob's around dude. I honestly hate it.
Yeah. No I'm not actually friends with him though. Just so I can get likes I posted that.
I didn't realize I hated him so much. Just got realized if you hate someone they're probably
miserable. So just be nice to him anyway. Well yeah he is miserable but I wish you would also
disappear from the earth. Was he in that clip when you got I'm so Kyle. I went to snap chat.
It was on tiktok. I was talking to him on as pretty fucking retarded like reset my password for
snapchat. Everything. Wow. Trying to hit up some high schoolers. Such a waste of time.
Yeah. Did you get snapchat so you could pull pull go full Rick and Morty. Snaps snap snap
jackal and pop. He loves high school boys. You guys knew that right. My grandpa
stay the same age. My grandpa was was the head of the team that came up with snap crackle pop and
you just got roasted. You're you're you're a Kepler. Yeah. Nice. No but I think the keeper
was in there. Tony the Tiger to can Sam all those guys. Do you guys know the Haas family.
I think their house is in your tree. It's a bird house. You can play at that game. They're
your neighbors. You can you can't say you can't say I'm at that game. I'll tell you that much.
Well I guess maybe we'll have to call Excel during the motion episode. No we gotta hit up Excel.
Well he didn't get back to me. We'll hit up X X X Excel. It said he saw my message.
I feel like we'll figure it out. I feel like when it says seen I feel seen. You know what
happens when you take me bird watching is I go I seen you because I always say I seen it. Yeah
Mac make it mad at me for my grammar because he's a Nazi of sorts. I am not a Nazi. I was
hanging out with a Nazi at a bar. You say not a lot. You're very Nazi. I'm not. Yeah.
Nice. Yeah. I tried to apply. I'll tell you why. He's not a C. What is it. My airplane joke that
you don't like. The airplane. I have a fear of flying to horror movie for me. What about mine.
I just flew in from a boy. My arms tired. But I took a Flintstones car. Boy or boy or my
legs tired. I got a new joke. I was going to save it for the lotion episode. But well it actually
was Detroit. You want to hear my new jokes. I got two new jokes. Yes. All right. New joke number one.
I've been trying to update my language and not say anything offensive. Why is that. What are you
laughing for. That's not the. My bad. Like I don't say the word Indian burn anymore because that's
inappropriate. But now I don't know how to describe to my doctor how I injured my dick.
Like what do I say. I crisscross applesauce. Exactly. There should be a
I did this. Yeah. What was that thing called the Bop it. I bop it. That's how I learned to master
baby. It's from the Bop. I tell a doctor I did a twist it on the Bop it twisted it on the Bop
supposed to Bop it and I twisted it. It's very important. Oh.
Do you remember that. They're trying to turn games. That was a fun game. Bop it. Bop it.
Twist it. Push it. Oh you fucked up. They're trying to get you ready to just conform. No.
I think they're direction. No. I think that they are trying to like teach you failure. How do you
past it. You know how to day. Like kind of like operation game operation. It does that if you
fuck up. I mean you got you got to learn consequences for your fucked up actions because
otherwise you're just going to be some loser. All right. I got an idea for a movie for me is I
love electricity. Did you guys see the lighthouse. Yeah. No. The lighthouse. No. So there's these
two guys are operating a lighthouse. They're all lonely and it went there's a scene where
he's got a little mermaid figurine and it's got boobs and he jacks off while he's touching the little
figurine because he's so lonely. He jerks off to the mermaid like. Wow really. Because they're
so isolated. Jesus. It's just him and another guy like sharing a bedroom. But you think he jacks
off and he's touching the mermaid. That's so dumb. I feel like you use my mind way better and just
do the same. It's very long too. But I guess we have anyway. I guess we have very good brains.
My idea for a movie is we remake that movie and in that scene instead he jerks off to the game
operation. He doesn't have any. He's just like it's like buzzing. He's like. I want to do. I've
always wanted to live in a luxury lighthouse. You know who like a rehab a lighthouse and make
it like sick as fuck. That would be huge light and then beat off to two with a little bit of
it off to you know I have to beat off to the game. Guess who. All the people you think I
lose the operation operation. I beat off to monopoly. I'm touching the monopoly guy touching
the symbol pretending to boob. You would you would to like property stuff. You know that they
you know they actually modeled monopoly guy off of Michael Myers. Oh yeah. Like the media. Yeah.
Like the face though and stuff but not the rich part just like how he looks. Yeah they made it
like a rich Michael Myers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was actually I thought it was the Pringles guy when
he got older. It was the part. Well the Parker Parker brothers the guys brothers Parker brothers
started that whole thing. Nice to Pringles lonely podcast. Yeah sorry Paul Farrakhan that we had
to shut down your podcast but things happen. I was an outrage though. How there's so much outrage
at the black little mermaid and I saw the exorcist recently and she's black now nothing. What. No one
no outrage or anything. Maybe it's because black people are like the last people who still believe
in God. Sorry. What was it. It was just like the exorcist is black now. Blacks are there is no
outrage comparison to the little mermaid. I think it's that's racist when you have what they're
going to make a black person look insane and crazy. Like that. Why are they trying to picture
black people like that. No but there's still a white exorcist girl. So yeah. What about sexer
cis. Oh yeah. So but this is about a child. Yeah but it's just but it's just about an
of age girl who just becomes a total freak in the sheets. And then and then she's a Catholic
family so they have to have to sexer size her. And so it's like a step thing. I don't know what
they do. Actually no her family. Yeah yeah. It's the same thing as exorcist but she's just having
a bunch of sex step mom and dad. What are you doing Dylan is actually Dylan told me he's a part of
gay sexer cis. Oh really. Yeah. Well are we. Are you OK with that going out on the free episode
to everybody. Yeah I'm actually really worried about it Mac because I was inherently anti Catholic.
Were you. Was your family religious at all. Yeah I was baptized I believe I did my first
communion. But did you have to go to church all the time because my family raised this Catholic
but we went to Catholic kindergarten 3th grade but we like my parents weren't like religious they
just wanted us to call them a CME Catholic. I got I got I got you just go on Christmas
Mother's Day in Easter you're a CME Catholic. I'm a fully vested Catholic. I did some of
the bullshit. Just you get confirmed. Yeah. I'm confirmed to hell yeah. What's your guys
is Saint names. Saint Pacifico of San Severo. What Saint Pacifico that's a beer. So I'm Mac.
I'm Mac Pacifico never. That's a beer. Mark Pacifico. Import. So that's another that's
another thing that shows that my life is a bit. This is when I was in eighth grade.
St. James Island St. James Island little St. James Island. Did not age well. Well no I think
well I think that you knew that that was going to happen the whole St. James. I did have a prophecy.
Yeah. And that's why in the documentary the guy was like you know there's a nickname for that island
out here. We call it pedophile island. Isn't your St. Francis St. Francis. Nice. I like St.
Francis Xavier. The Assisi was a town named after Dylan Assisi. Yeah. Assis male. Assisi. Yeah.
Assis male. I've been thinking about doing a thing about rebranding our podcast. To what? Jerks.
Because we're jerks. We are jerks to me. Well no because we're jerks to everybody. It's one.
Well we're only mean to you because you wore that jerk necklace and we don't like that you're a
jerk so we're being mean to you. No I like that you copied my chain. No we love the jerks because
what is it. Oh yeah. We love the jerks. We're not going to steal the name but it is more fitting
for us. And you and you kind of both are pretty good. What about the bad I'm just going to say
when it comes to the jerks no comments. Maybe say something nice. I can't say anything. Let's say
whenever I'm listening to just can't say anything about it when I go on YouTube and I see jerks
I hit off jerk off jerks off. I love the podcast. Jerk off. Yes. I love the pie. I jerk off to
Mark Karski. Yeah. Are you telling us you don't jerk off Dylan. You don't jerk off ever. And
can you see if Mark Karski will do reaction videos for our podcast. He's too busy making
$300 tips on streaming. No I understand he makes money. What's he doing. Only fans. No he's too
$300 tip. What. Yeah he got $300 tip the other day from a guy that wanted to bang him. That's
pretty cool man. It was from a lady and she said it was like for his like because he has a dog
Instagram that's way more successful than mine. You should give us regular. What the fuck is that
about. You gotta keep giving us jerks updates. Yeah. Like that. Why is he called wine box. Or we
could maybe even just Mark Karski updates. Why is he called wine box puppy. I think he said it
came to him when he was in Home Depot one day and I don't know he was just kind of thinking of a name
and because I've drinking probably like based off Champagne Poppy. I've drinking a lot more along
as Drake been Champagne. I've drinking a lot more boxes of wine than he has because we used to get
boxes of Franzia boxed wine which is like the shittiest type. Yeah. You take it out of the thing
it's a big bag. Yeah. It's hot. It's a big utter and then it's hot. Then you slap the bag and
yeah we used to do that. We got a bunch of when I lived I got the record of trucking the most.
I was trying the whole box. That's super cool. No way. That's so much. There's no way. I know it
wasn't but I was like dude that's so much. I was trucking for a long time because we got a we got
a my buddy worked at a bar. We all lived in this house and you got a bunch of expired Franzia
from the bar and we drank it for months and we'd get so sick every time and we just had them all
in the bags. Like you said there was literally purple stains on the ceiling from people chugging
everywhere and then you'd cough and spit wine on the ceiling. In the frat everywhere there was
just a slap the baby or whatever. Red stains. Yeah. They call it slapping the baby or something.
Slap the bag. I remember. Slap in the bag man. Yeah. Never would slap the bag. I didn't get
that part because nothing would happen when you slapped it. No it's just something that's cool
thing you do when you're done and it kind of makes it makes like a slap. Yeah. I know it's a thing.
It's just like kind of like a ceremonial. We also used to shotgun beers and the rule is you had to
stand on something when you shotgun beers but we shotgun like over and over again to we're all
hammered so by the end we'd just be like falling off a table. Yeah. We had one called just like
pass the bottle and we just all chug the bottle until well yeah that's what we used to do in like
eighth grade. Yeah that's what that's what you do. That's like a prerequisite to doing cooler stuff.
My dad owned a bar and they had softball and there's like a my dad owned a bar. Okay.
I miss her fancy. My friend party so hard. Go ahead. We had purple stains on the ceiling.
You guys are both really cool. Well they're reminiscent of Barney. Yeah sorry. We are
dads and own bars. Go ahead. Go ahead. Tell your daddy. He tells us. He's not even like that.
Barney. Yeah. That's cool. He's barred his softball team and there's one guy who would drink the whole
bag. I thought men drank the whole bag. You'd kind of get off like go to the bleachers and just
chug some wine from the bag. So it wasn't as much of a team game in that respect but he finished
the bag. So it was you guys are really paying a lot of attention to me right now. I'm talking to
XL also. It's just wrong timing dude. No you're both talking to the guests at the same time.
Well I'm talking to the guy that's going to call in we're actually doing productive product. So
it's cool. No offense. No offense. Okay. Well I don't mind if you're a little offended by me.
Yeah. Well anyways what'd you guys do at the bar. So yeah maybe a quicker version.
No I'm not going to do a five minute monologue about something. Could you tell us more about
how your dad owned a bar though. What was that like. It's also the comedy office. The
likes comedy office or something. What was it. What was that comedy office that Sam was getting
upset about. Yeah. That's it. Fort Wayne Fort Wayne let's comedy. Let's comedy. He's also the
let's comedy office. I slept on the floor there twice. Did you stop. Need stitches there too.
Can you let him tell the story about the let's comedy office. Yeah go ahead.
Don't take it away. Let's comedy office. So let's comedy. He was going in there saying let's do
comedy. He saw that they had a menu and so he just started ordering. Yeah. And so much.
He that was his story. You should see Sam order at a restaurant. He goes I'll take page one and
page two. No that's your return. My return. Oh I used to do this thing where I did all the time
like every beer I drank. I would break it open on my head and then yeah. The glass. Oh nice.
So you just hit it a bunch of times in your head and breaks open and then you
they called you box head. I did. So last week and we're very hard to get my head on the floor.
Yeah. I smashed my head against the floor and I got blood everywhere. I do this cool cool thing
at Clio's where I stand on my head for an extended period of time. Everyone's everyone's clapping
and like break dancing. It's Arab guys. You spin. I don't spin. Oh you got a spin on your head.
Dude that's the shit. I've been trying to learn the spinning part. I want that. Also the beanie
helps because most people wear beanies for spinning on your head. Oh really. Wow. That's
a that might be that might be your art. Yeah. Now that we know that because you went to art school
too because you thought you were artistic. I just have to go back to the E.R. I'm like I ripped out
all the staples in my head. I was doing break dancing. Spot on my head was staples in it.
Do you think that actually I have a real question. The staples they put in your head are they
they're not metal right. They're like just some kind of like suture that goes away.
No I have to go get them removed. Oh you do. I think they're real staples.
They didn't go off in the airport metal detector. Do they just go to staples. Do you think to get
them. Yeah I'm pretty sure I just go to staples and then they pull them out and then they go that
was easy. Yeah and they have the button. That was easy. Yeah you have the button. I really had to
resist making that joke to the doctor somewhere stapled my head. I really wanted to make a that
was easy joke but it felt too hacky Dylan. Too easy. Too easy. I feel like we've been going a
little hard on you this episode. However I bought a new cylinder of smelling salts.
Okay let's break them. We got like an abusive relationship with Dylan where we're mean to
him and then we buy him gifts to win him back. I'll crack it open once this one's over. How long
have we done. Yeah we've done we got over. We did an hour 13. Okay we could end the time also Alex
is running late. Well let's end so we can do smelling salts and we can maybe talk about
we can talk about our live show coming up January 10th. Well how many podcasts live.
You wait hold on Dylan said during this break we're going to win but we'll have to win back
his friendship. Yeah. No you have to win back our friendship. Yeah I think it's the other way around
buddy. Why. Because that's what we say. Yeah because it's my house. Yeah Max house Max rules.
My rule. Yeah guys we're gonna have a live comedy show in January at the comedy bar. I gotta make
sure it's not this one weekend. Wait what. It's not it's his weekday. Okay good because I'll be
out of town in a weekend. I think it's a Wednesday. I'm going to Florida for a weekend in January.
That's cool. So when that guys go to that this is very important for us and it's going to be
awesome. We're gonna we're gonna be spending every waking moment from now until then to making the
most fun event that includes the best podcasting in the world stand up comedy. It's going to be
something something to behold. Your eyes will be behold behold it. You'll be beholden to it.
It'll be part of our community. Yeah it'll become a baddie. I don't even show is coming up.
Anything you want to plug. I'll be at Zany's on the 28th Avenue showcase on Tuesday 9 15 Zany
Chicago baby for you it's more like show gaze I feel like right. Okay. Oh how about how about Katie's
Annie's. She posted the other day and I thought she was maybe talking about you because she said
like he doesn't hate me or something but it was like right after Bailey and then I was I don't
maybe she thinks I do hate her. I know my god she I was going to talk about on the next podcast
because I'm worried she's mentally ill and going to hear this somehow and then like come and bother
me. Whoever knows about this. I'm cool. I think that we're cool with just Mr. Tano now.
All right. No but no I remember I mean yeah she's so hot and cold so yeah I bet we are
and then tomorrow she'll block us. I mean yeah she's nuts whatever. Yeah she I mean I love
Jess. I think Jess is funny. I love her as a person. I think she's cool. I feel bad that she has some
brain problem where she gets really mad at us for no reason all the time. Come on. It's true.
It's whatever. I don't know. Is it for no reason. No we love. I hope she hears this. I love you Jess.
I think you deserve love in your life and all that. She's also got a tour coming up with like
Nashville too. It's good for her. She's very funny. She deserves all her success. I told her at
at Beer Belly. It was two weeks three weeks ago maybe. I said you're looking great. I hope that
she gets successful enough. She is looking that she can go to therapy. She lost. She lost weight.
She's looking. She's looking good. Using corner. All right. Jason. I'm going to talk about next
time. Jason and the album's coming up. I do want to record a new album. Maybe I'll do it
November 11th, 2022. Yeah, you should. Yeah. And then I'll release it. I'll go to it.
10th, 2023. I'll go to that one. You should go to it. You should do a sketch with me at the
end where you guys are cops. Yeah. Okay. Do you guys still have those cop outfits? Yes. They were
kind of nice. Yeah, I kept it. We should do more. We should do more cop stuff. Yeah. With those. Yeah.
We should. We should go. False arrest people. False arrest people. I was going to say that.
We should drive around and like you're under arrest. Yeah. No one's going to believe your car is a
cop car like the like those two brothers who would strangle people in California. You could just
impersonate a police officer. We should be careful. We do a lot of those killers that do it. Yeah.
Do I mean, it'd be funny to like have like a sign on your car that says cop car and then
it's like it's like definition impersonating a cop. Yeah. It's a parody underneath. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It's just like a white piece of paper. This is cop car and permanent market car in
parentheses. We're shooting a movie. Yeah. All right. Folks, I have no shows coming up. I think
okay. I myself to Mac Nipper. I'll be a whatever. I finished my toughest test. I finished my toughest
stop. Hey, I passed my exam guys. Congrats, dude. Yeah, I can't wait for you to stop doing the exams
and start doing comedy. Yeah, I'll be back. Well, a lot of people are happy that I haven't been
doing comedy. Yeah, I mean, everyone hates you. But I like it when you're around because you make
everyone I hate mad. But it's yeah. But Bobby Buds. I was like, I had for Mitchell Potts's
birthday or something. There was like a thing and I was like, sorry, I couldn't make a birthday
Mitchell. And then Bobby Buds said, that's the best gift you could have given is not coming.
And I said, shut up, baby balls. Oh, baby balls classic. Then I hung out with him Thursday night
him and John Bradley. Yeah, I saw him last night. Yeah. All right, power over. But
we guys been talking shit about the most recently. That's how he talks. Well, you guys been talking
about a lot of like, I was like, honestly, you right now. We know, we know you're rich, Bobby,
and then rich little rich kid pretending to be like I got some working class. I got some tea on
John Bradley. We'll talk about on Patreon and Bradley. I would never pretend to be working class.
I'm either working or rich. I also pretend to be rich. You're not supposed to pretend to be poor.
That's ridiculous. Yeah, guys, our favorite look stupid. Our favorite guest is coming back on
this week's Patreon on Tuesday. There'll be I mean, we record each episode each different day,
you know, yeah, only on Patreon. Our favorite guest of all time. I mean, I'm gonna say who it is
is coming on on Tuesday. So stay tuned for that. Patreon.com slash bad comedy. Go to Cool
Steeper Club for the best tea ever made. Bad comedy is the promo code. Put it in there. Get
like 100% off or something. And guest is going to be the cool Sam talent. He's a yeah, a little
favorite gas of all time. Thank God it's not Sam talent. It's the cool version of Sam talent.
J.K. Yeah, I wish dude.
And anything else you guys need to say before we close out?
Thank you for having me on. Oh, yeah, thanks for coming on. Thanks for having me on. Thanks for
coming on. And then folks, we'll catch you in the toilet in the toilet or when the moon hits
this guy. That's probably the best. Yeah, folks, we'll catch you in the rockin in the free world. Hey,
folks, keep on rocking in the free world and free and have a nice day. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. That was a great song. Yeah. Was it intro V by intro V.