All right, welcome to the AdaptX podcast where we have conversations with individuals who are
building accessible businesses and products advocating for inclusion or excelling in adaptive
sports. Our intention is never to speak on behalf of those with disabilities but give them a platform
to amplify their voice and share insights to make a more accessible world. Today we are joined by
Ken Walsh. Ken is a senior advanced analytics manager in the medical device industry and a
keynote speaker who has transformed adversity into strength throughout his remarkable journey.
Overcoming a history of substance abuse rooted in a challenging upbringing, he found solace in
support in the fitness community. Through sharing his story with high school students, he aims to
destigmatize addiction and mental health, offer hope and guidance on the path to recovery. Ken,
thanks for joining me today. You're welcome. Excited to be here. So maybe, I know we talked
prior to this so I know you're comfortable doing so but maybe just to give a little bit of background
into the events that led to where you are today. Can you share a little bit of your upbringing that
you mentioned in that bio? Sure, yeah. So it's a long story. There's a lot there so I'll try to
condense it just a bit. I grew up in a household. We're on welfare. I was the youngest of six kids,
a mixed family. My mother and my father both met. They both had kids and I was the only one between
both of them. My youngest part of my childhood, besides being in an 1100 square foot house with
eight people and one bathroom and three bedrooms. So I ended up with my sisters in a very pink
bedroom for about 12 years. But yeah, I think my early years were what I would consider to be great
years. I didn't know. You don't know it's really different outside of your household.
Right? But my mother had a troubled past. She had been molested, raped by a family friend multiple
times growing up. She struggled with alcoholism and with mental health issues. And so maybe about
when I was nine or 10, I think maybe everything really changed. My brothers and sisters
were getting in trouble, being brought home by the police. There was physical and verbal abuse
in the household. And there was addiction, drug use that's prevalent. My brothers and sisters,
they were kind of smoking weed around with me when I was maybe six or seven. I was tagging along,
following them around everywhere. But about maybe the age of nine or 10, my mother was diagnosed
with cancer, a form of lung cancer, but not due to smoking. Her and my father were very heavy smokers.
But she went through radiation. And in the process of that, she was introduced to pain pills
in the form of opiates. And this is kind of very, very early days, you know, late 80s.
So there's no control. And she was kind of doctor shopping. She became hooked very quickly. Like I
said, she was already an alcoholic. So that was kind of that was sober. So she got hooked on
opiates. And she was bipolar type two. And so we went through many years where she barely got out
of bed. And there was many suicide attempts and visiting her in the mental hospital and things
like that. And kind of multiple teenage pregnancies at the same time with my brothers and sisters.
And, you know, I started smoking weed and drinking when I was about 14. I think, you know,
I think, you know, happened in my neighborhood and with my best friend. And I think we almost
kind of couldn't wait to start really, it was almost the expectation, I think, the way I grew
up. I mean, it's crazy to say that now, but it's just true. And so then I think as I got into my
teenage years, my brothers and sisters, for the most part, left the house, but my sister had become
a heroin addict. And she moved away to Fall River ended up going to, you know, becoming an addict,
like I said, and prostitution, she had a baby, she gave it up for adoption, she ended up going
to jail for about two or three years. She came back home sober in my late teenage years and kind
of played that mother role really that I was looking for. She asked for my report card,
she went to my, you know, soccer games, things like that. I was always an athlete, I always did
very well in school, school was really easy for me. And she came home and, you know, she was doing,
she was doing well. And, and, but always talked about kind of if she would have run into heroin
and do it again, she would kill herself. And she ran into and use heroin. And the next morning,
you know, 17, the next morning, she shot herself in the heart on the side of a main road in my town
in North Kingston that I grew up in. And so I just kind of, from there, I really dove deeper into the
drugs and alcohol and isolated myself more. I didn't deal with it at all. I wouldn't talk about
my emotions. I wouldn't talk about really nobody asked any of the trauma that was going on in my
household and the things that were going on. And, you know, I, like I said, by that time, I was,
you know, I guess you call me a pothead, but I was still an all state soccer player.
Went off to college at URI. And then, you know, I think things would progress from there. But I mean,
that's a, I guess, brief synopsis of my childhood and what happened and what what kind of led me
to that point that I left home to try to build a new life.
What factors differentiate between those who make it out of an environment like that
and those who don't?
I wish we knew, you know, you're far more likely to repeat the cycle. And I did for the most part,
for many years, we lose hundreds of thousands of people to, you know, addiction and mental health
disorders every year, including alcohol and that. And we don't know why. We just don't seem to have
answers. I mean, I think the one thing we do know is that, you know, childhood trauma is the number
one predictor of addiction or mental illness in adulthood. Partially because, you know, I guess
kids' brains are not built to deal with adult level stress like that, right? It really rewires
your brain if you deal with that type of stress in a household or when you're a little kid or
if traumatic events happen to you. And, you know, so we think when we talk about mental illness
or addiction, you know, we talk about, well, you know, is it genetic? And I think to some degree,
it is, especially bipolar. But at the same time, it just seems that people who end up in households
that have a lot of that end up with mental illness and addiction. And then they now, as adults,
build a household that has that, which then, you know, and it kind of passes that on. I think for
me specifically, the only reason, I mean, I get, I don't know, you know, I don't, I have a lot of
drive, I guess you could say I was never willing to settle. But also, like I said, school was really
easy for me. And I think if it was something where school, I had to work really hard, I'm not sure
at that age, I would have, I was ready to put the work in. So I got by with my drug and alcohol use
and barely just mailing it in at school and still getting A's and B's.
At what point did things kind of switch for you? Or maybe what was, was there a specific incident
that you were like, oh, I need to turn this around?
Well, I mean, you know, going to college, I went to University of Rhode Island. It's a great party
school. I joined a fraternity, right? I mean, drinking every night, smoking every day all day.
I mean, it's still, you know, putting, I don't even know, 50%, you know, into my studies.
I would leave school for a little bit and go back and take it more seriously, you know,
put the work in really hard, but I had to put myself through school. So it's full-time work,
at the same time as full-time school, at the same time as almost full-time partying at night.
You know, when you're young, you can bounce back like that. It was really just the cycle.
And, you know, I met my wife on the first day that I went to URI. She was the first person I met at
University of Rhode Island, which is pretty cool. We'll celebrate 20 years on April 24th.
It's the only reason why I'm talking to you today, to be honest.
But, you know, I mean, in college, you know how that is. It's just like you're a partier, right?
Like, oh, everyone parties and stuff. But we were just like that next level, me and my friends,
you know? And that went right into, you know, moved up to Massachusetts with my wife,
got a job in corporate America. So did she. We were climbing the ladder. We were doing really well
and new into a company where a lot of kids are young. We're going out multiple nights a week.
I mean, that's part of the culture there as well. So you just kind of find those types of people who
like that lifestyle that you do everywhere you go, and it perpetuates. But for me, I think I had
I really in the later years of college been introduced to and fell in love with uppers like
cocaine and Ritalin and that type of stuff. And that was a love affair that came very close to
killing me and taking everything from me. But I think what people don't understand
about addiction is they think you start smoking or using and then immediately you're dysfunctional.
But it's really not even close to that. I mean, for most people, there's 10, 15, 20 years in between
in which you're an active addiction and it's growing worse and worse. And then you finally get
to the edge of the cliff and fall off. You know, you can be extremely productive as someone who's
in the throes of addiction. You see it all the time. I mean, we all work with people. We all know
people who are drinking way too much every night. They know it, they're inactive, and you would
never know, really. So, you know, for me, we kind of continued to build that life. We both got an
MBA, went back to school, got an MBA at UMass. And, you know, at some point, I just I never drank
without cocaine or something else. It became just a one or two or three nights a week thing. And then
I guess it just progressed and progressed. I was never an everyday drinker. I was more of a binger
than anything. And I lost my mother. Finally, she was an active addiction for many, many years. I
lost her when I was 27 and, you know, 46 now. And I mean, really the same thing. Like I don't
remember crying. And I'm a very emotional person nowadays, you know, and I'm, I'm not sure if I
look back in like the five to 10 years following that was really where I would gradually get worse
and worse and worse. And I think what had happened as I look back now and counseling is that it just
opened up a lot of wounds. You know, my mother, they found her, she was, she was unconscious,
you know, wasn't breathing. And so they got, you know, they were able to resuscitate her, but she
had had, you know, long enough with no oxygen to the brain. So, you know, we had to pull the plug
and we don't know if it was overdose or if it was an intentional act of suicide. Like I said,
she probably attempted suicide maybe 15 times in my life, ended up in the hospital. So we'll never
really know that, but we do know what they found in her body. And, you know, there was of course,
a lot of drugs that we knew. So after that, I just kind of slid for a long period of time,
but didn't realize it when it was happening. You know, I still said, well, I've built this view
of what success looks like in my mind. I grew up poor. We fought about money. There was no, you
know, room in the house, you know, clothes and food. And these were the things in my life that
I had decided that if I got to the point where I didn't have to worry about them, then I was
successful. And I had had two boys now, two little kids, and I had a nice house and I was making good
money. I had the nice car. I didn't have to worry about that stuff. And I was the most miserable I've
ever been. I literally, I didn't want to be here anymore. And, you know, it was really close to
that point that I lost my dad. And the story of how I lost my dad and what happened after that would
really kind of be the turnaround. Were your kids born during the process and you were still addicted
to drugs and alcohol? Yeah, absolutely. How do you intend on raising them to kind of break that cycle?
Well, I think it's what I'm doing, you know. So my boys were, are too young to remember
any of my drug or alcohol use. You know, by that time I was, like I said, I was never an everyday
user or any of that, you know, and, and, but it would get to the point where I was binging for two,
three days at a time, sometimes barely sleeping, that type of stuff, maybe not coming home.
And my father passed in 2012. And so we got a call that he was in the hospital with pneumonia
and came down there. And to be with them, you know, my father was a very heavy, unfiltered
cigarette smoker since he was like 16. But he was, he coached in my town, he coached every
one of my brothers and sisters. He had an impact on hundreds, if not thousands of lives. And,
you know, he was somebody that everybody knew and revered and loved. And he just kind of
didn't have any words or he didn't know what to do with me. When all of this happened with my sister
and my mom and all of that, I mean, we didn't talk about addiction and mental illness back then.
And, you know, but he was like, you know, he's my best friend. He's the guy that always had my back.
And I go to the hospital and they say, well, you know, they actually diagnosed him with stage
four lung cancer while I was there, while I was in the room. And they said, you know, you have three
to six months to live if the pneumonia does not spread to the other lung, because if it does,
you're too weak and it's going to kill you. And two weeks later, it wiped him out. But during that
process, I saw him, it was very specific in my mind that I still think about was I came in,
in the morning to see him because, you know, we're coming in every day and staying there all day.
And the way I asked the nurse, you know, how he was doing. And she said, well, he had a really
rough night last night. And I'm like, well, you know, what do you mean? She said, well, he's like,
he's ringing the buzzer thing. And we come in and he's just basically like he's saying, I can't like
live in my own body right now. Like knowing the impact he's going to have on me and his grandkids
and my other siblings, you know, and that he was the cause of his own death. You know, he had, he
had seen the impact of all of the other trauma had had on us for him to now be putting on top of that.
He just, he's having a hard time. And he was almost like convulsing. They said like, that's how bad he
was like in that spot. They had to put them, you know, give them sedatives and to make them sleep.
And so I just remember taking it all in. I remember after he passed, people reached out,
your father was like a second father to me. And, you know, you know, he had a huge impact on the
town. And I was like, well, like I'm watching my own death, right? Like, I'm going to die, sorry,
filled with regret, right? That I was the cause of my own death and that I passed it on, always
promising myself that I wouldn't. And, you know, like, how can I leave a legacy like this guy,
like a giant legacy was a giant of a man of what he left behind. And, you know, I think
it was the only time or the only confluence of events that ever brought me to the point
where I was asking questions about myself and answering them honestly. And I didn't like the
answers, you know, and I think the hardest part at that point was knowing that my dad wouldn't be
proud of me and the life that I was living. Because he didn't know a lot of my secrets. And,
you know, that's that's kind of really hard given he was really the only one I ever cared about what
they thought. And so it's just, it was for me that trigger that place that I promised myself I was
going to fix it. And I was up for the journey because I had promised myself, I don't know a
million times, right, that I was going to stop and that it was going to get better and all that
stuff. And so that moment for me seemed to be a turning point. I would have a couple dips later
on, but that was really, you know, what set me on my path.
Yeah, you mentioned legacy, it was a, it was a question someone asked me when I was appearing
on their podcast a few weeks ago, I mentioned I have two boys under two years old. And he said,
what's the, what's the legacy that you want to leave for them? And I didn't really have a good
answer for it at the time. I'm still not sure I do. Or at least like what would I want my kids to
think of me and it doesn't really have anything to do with the businesses that I run and, and the
work that I do. But I want to make sure that I'm there for all their games. That's the only
thing that's sticking in my mind right now is being there for all the important milestones.
You mentioned like, you knew at that time that you had to take the first steps to changing it.
What were those steps?
Yeah, well, it's for what you just said right there about the game. So the one thing that kind
of hurt me the most out of all of it with my mom is that when I was, I don't even know 13, 14, she
just stopped coming to my games. And, you know, I was a striker on the soccer team and I was like a
star in the town team and stuff. I was having big moments on the field, you know, whether it be like
regular or once you get into high school and, you know, just kind of looking, always looking to the
sidelines to find my mom when big things would happen or to see her on the side, you know, just
like you do as any kid does, right? Just like looking at the sideline to like, okay, mom and
dad's here, right? That's a big thing. And you don't realize how much it will kill you inside
when you look over and they're not. But at one point they were not, or she was not, and it was
never to come again. And that to this day hurts. That's one of the worst things, you know, because,
you know, so I think I was having this conversation with me and it took me several months after my dad
passed to really go through this little exercise. I just remember one time, just like I was actually
looking in the mirror and I was saying to myself, like, you know, nobody gives a shit what you've
been through. Like the world doesn't give a shit. The people around you that are closest to you are
going to give you excuses. They're going to say, oh, we had a hard life. Always going through a
tough time. Always going through a, you know, because that's human nature, right? That's empathy.
But, you know, nobody outside cares, right? I need to be a good person, a good human, a good dad,
a good husband, right? I need to give back to the world, right? That's why you're here. And so
it's just kind of a different viewpoint of the world at that point that I call my father's death
the greatest gift he ever gave because he gave me clarity. And clarity is important and perspective
is important. So, you know, at that point I was 50 pounds overweight. I mean, I was huge, right?
And I wasn't athletic. I wasn't doing anything. And I was just like, okay, like I'd seen this thing
called CrossFit. I had fallen in love with it from a bar. And I was like, I would love to do that
someday, but I wasn't anywhere near where I could. So I said, okay, you know, I'm going to lose 50
pounds. I made that number 50, you know, and I was like, I'm going to lose 50 pounds and the way
I'm going to do is I'm going to run. I'm a son of a bitch. I'm going to lose 50 pounds. I'm going to
lose 50 pounds. And the way I'm going to do is I'm going to run. I'm a soccer player. I love to run
when I'm in shape anyway. And so I said, what I'm going to do is I'm going to get myself back
into shape. I'm going to diet and I'm going to run and I'll lose 50 pounds. And for 18 months,
I ate salads and ran and it was just hardcore. And I took off to 50 pounds and I was rail skinny,
not even close to what I look like today because I had decided I was going to build back a healthy
frame. You know, something that I worked for. And so I got to that point. And then I signed up for
CrossFit and I went into the CrossFit gym for the first time. And, you know, I'm kind of a person
who even with running or whatever, you're almost masochistic in a way, like I love to push myself
to my absolute limit, where I'm like gasping for air, you know, like, and I think a lot of addicts
and people with mental illness crave that. Right. That's, you know, it's why you find a lot of a
lot of addicts run endurance races or find their way into a CrossFit place. Right. Because it's
something that replaces that, you know, being pushed to your limit and giving you that challenge
that you need. And so, yeah, so I went in and I was awful. I remember him doing like the first
test to see like, okay, I want to gauge where you are. And he said, okay, let's see how many strict
pull ups you can do. And remember, I had just lost 50 pounds. So I'm like, oh, I'm going to kill this.
One. I got down and I tried to do two and I couldn't get back to the bar. And I was like,
okay, like, that's good. That's where you're at. Right. Like, and I was mad, and I should have been.
And, and I use those types of things to drive me. Right. I'm like, I'm angry at where I'm at,
and I want to be better. I want to be in a better place. And so the journey was on and I fell in
love with it. I did it for nine years until kind of injuries piled up and I've got a bad back and
that and a bad knee. But yeah, man. So that was a, that was the moment that I had decided. And that
was the route that I said I was going to go. Yeah. And I mean, I think, like I said, there were some
bumps in the road from there. Because even after that, I was still using here and there, because I
had promised myself, I was like, oh, well, I can go back to like just drinking, because I can be
normal like everybody else. And then I would prove myself wrong over and over, I'd go get four or
five drinks, I'd go find some cocaine. And then, you know, and so I go this like two or three months
at a time, being perfectly clean, and then explode and use for two or three days, and then do that
again and do that again. And what I noticed along the way was that when I would come down
from a binge or whatever, I would be in like a depressive state where I couldn't get out of bed
for like a couple weeks at a time. Like, you know, three weeks before I was running a race on a
mountain for seven miles for seven hours, and like loving every minute of it. And then, you know,
three weeks later, I can't get out of bed to shower. So like, you know, just like what is going on
here, like I was scaring myself, I didn't think I was ever going to be normal again. And I didn't
know what was happening. Finally got to a place where it scared me to death. Like it scared me
to the point where I never thought I was going to be normal again. And that was the moment that I
raised my hand, and I asked for help and said, I don't have the answers anymore. I basically raised
myself since I was 14. I always had the answers and every answer that I had was the right answer.
And here I am. I promised myself I was going to stop this so many times I did for a year and a half,
and that was good, but I can't, I just can't. And it was finally time for me to say, maybe I need
someone else to help out and to bring somebody else into that very private disaster was the
hardest thing I've ever done in my life. You know, it was embarrassing. It shouldn't have been.
It shouldn't have been right because we need to be better at saying I need help. You know, we all
can say I'm human and I need help, but there's an ego thing at play. And I think that stops a lot of
people from asking for help. But for me, it saved my life, it saved my marriage, it saved everything.
And that was my journey to like finding out I was severely afflicted with a mental health problem,
I was severely afflicted with a mental health disorder, you know, finding out about my addiction,
counseling, and talking about all the awful stuff that had happened, right? Like that was that
journey. But yeah, and then from there, man, I mean, that's the journey. That's how we get here.
Yeah, you mentioned after your sister passed, you had no intention of sharing your feelings,
obviously kept it bottled up for a long time before finally finding this counseling. And now,
now you're public speaking and sharing your story. At what point did you decide, one, that you're
comfortable sharing your story, two, maybe that you thought it was worthwhile to share and who did
you hope that it would benefit? Yeah, those are great questions. I mean, just even before that,
we talk about men and vulnerability, you know, showing and talking about your emotions, that type
of stuff. I mean, we, we, everybody knows this, we just do a really bad job in society of building up
what a definition of like masculine means, or being a man, you know, we, the world and some
people teach their boys very early on that emotions are a bad thing to have. To cry when
they're upset or happy is a bad thing. And so, you know, when a father tells his boy, you know,
suck it up, you shouldn't be crying because of this. It doesn't change in the future, the fact
that they want to cry. But when they do, it just makes them feel broken because daddy said it
shouldn't happen. And we wonder why we have so many like young adult males that are broken and
violent. It's because we just we don't know how to express our feelings and our emotions, you know,
we don't know how to let people in. We don't know how to be vulnerable. And in what we find when you
do is that you unlock a part of yourself that people are really drawn to. Weird in a way when
you you know, so I'm like, I reframe it to say, okay, well, isn't a real man, someone who's
willing to show their feelings? Even if someone's going to judge them? You know, like that's real
masculinity, right? I'm going to be my authentic self. And if you don't like me because of that,
are you going to put a label on me? Like, I don't need you in my life. Right? Like real men do not
not show emotions because someone will say they're weak, right? It's kind of that opposite, we need
to change it. So, you know, I went into counseling and I started talking and I started talking to
people and I started talking about things, my goodness, that I never in a million years would
would have talked about or what I thought I've talked about. And of course, I realized that,
you know, I went through hell and back. And I had a reason to be broken. And that I was always
going to be broken unless I put the time in, put the work in. And so, you know, and that also
validating that some of my anger and resentment for my mom and my sister and people like that,
like that was valid and I was okay, you know, doing that. So, as I started that journey of like,
what that looked like, one of the things when I started running again, I said I wanted to do was
run the Boston Marathon and I got the chance to do it. And I got the chance to do it for a charity
that I sit on the board of in Rhode Island called the Samaritans of Rhode Island. And I'm like,
especially at work, or really anywhere, like I would just not tell people about my mom or my
sister or what happened in my past, all of that stuff for fear of being judged and those types
of things. But I went to the executive director of Samaritans, who's a dear friend of mine now,
and I said, like, okay, I would like to raise money for you. And she said, okay, but you're
gonna have to tell your story. She goes, that's what we do. We don't hide that here. If you're
gonna reduce the stigma and fight that, then you have to tell your story. I remember thinking like,
oh, Jesus, I don't know about that. Like, I'll talk to a counselor about it, but I'm not gonna
put that out in the world. But you know what, I was like, okay, let's go. Like, if it's for a good
cause, I'm always willing to put myself out there and be vulnerable if I think it can help people.
And so I, you know, put it out, I had to go fund me or whatever it was, right. And I shared it.
I was at a small consulting company at the time. My boss and the president of the company both
reached out and said they lost a daughter, I mean, a sister to suicide when they were younger.
So, and other people reached out saying, you know, they had, they were affected in some way,
but I was like, man, this is my boss and the president. Like, these are the people that are
like closest to me or who I look up to the most. And they have these shared experiences. And it was
a, you know, it was validating. It was healing because I think I lived in the work world,
corporate America or whatever it is and said, if I, if I show who I am or what I've been through,
people will judge me. And then maybe I had a chip on my shoulder too, like kind of guarded, like,
you know, you, you don't know what I've been through. You couldn't have done what I've done,
that type of stuff. But then what happened, I think is that the things that were isolating me the most
then became the things that gave me the connection I was seeking so much.
The relationship I built with my boss because of it, the relationship I built with my president,
and the president actually said, I'd like to give a sizable donation if you'll put the name of the
company on your shirt when you run the marathon. And I did. Right. So like, um, I was like, okay,
I'm healing and other people are healing and wow, this is powerful. Um, and that was the start.
And then from there, I, I wasn't sharing, like I was having trouble with addiction. At that point,
I didn't know that I was bipolar type two. Um, so I would share here and there. And then, you know,
as time would go on, I would get a formal, you know, a psychiatric evaluation. I'd get diagnosed
as bipolar type two, and that's what my mom was. And it's genetic. Um, and then that was really
important for me because people say, well, how did you feel when that happened? And I said,
it was an answer. I had been searching for an answer for so long on why the things were
happening in my life. They were happy that were happening. Now I had a reason. Now I had a way
to know I'm very much a two plus two equals four guy. So if they said, this is what you need to do
to thrive with this and it's exercise and it's eating and it's, you know, bedtimes, you know,
you're getting a certain amount of sleep, all of these things that you have to live a certain way,
even if it challenges the way you had been living before, if that gives me the best chance to thrive
in this world, I'm all in. So, you know, I got that diagnosis. And then I think as the years went on
and I was sober for a little bit of period underneath me, I started adding in the addiction
piece and that I was in long-term recovery and still once again, that fitness being the thing
that the theme that runs through it of that place that I went to heal. And I remember so many times
running on the road in the early days and just crying as I ran, you know, I always felt that
somehow being outside brought me closer to them. And it was kind of a place that I went to like,
deal with those thoughts or reason with the past and come to grips with it. And I always just found
myself finding comfort in fitness. And I think that's what we're here to discuss, right? Like,
how do we use fitness to recover from disabilities, to make our disabilities better,
to bring other people into our world and try to help them heal through those same ways, right?
I mean, I think those are things that you and I are very passionate about and why we're here talking.
Yeah, absolutely. Let me try to maybe hash something out. If I'm going to ask you to share,
I'll try to do my best to share, but it's things I've never said out loud. So I haven't really
fully thought out the sequence of events. So I had great childhood. I was first introduced to
disability when I was 15. So I broke my wrist and I couldn't play basketball. So my mom made me
volunteer at a Special Olympics program. And like, oh, I love that. And like moms, they're always
right. So that was my first exposure to disability. And immediately, I was enamored with something
associated with it. Maybe I couldn't pinpoint it at the time, still maybe can't pinpoint it exactly.
But I think maybe in a world where you have a lot of pressure from external
sources, it was really refreshing to just have people that really cared for your time. And they
kind of accepted you as who you were. So around similar ages, maybe when a lot of my friends did
start drinking mid high school, that made me pretty mad. I'm not sure exactly why. I was working with
a lot of people with disabilities. And I was like, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do that.
I was working with a lot of people with disabilities, and I felt like they were dealt an unfair card.
And I was mad that my friends who weren't were maybe wasting their abilities to a degree. So that
made me angry. So the transition to college wasn't great, because obviously at college, it's a huge
part of it. So I'm not sure I really found anyone at university that was, maybe I didn't make enough
like me, and that I just really wanted to study, and I really wanted to do well. And I really wanted
to help those kids that I was working with in Special Olympics. But when I was 19, my next door
neighbors that I grew up with both passed away about like six months apart from one another.
So Will in a car accident, and then Leah from cancer six months later. And at that time,
I transferred, so I commuted to school, kind of needed to be out of that environment. And I
started working full time as a behavioral therapist for one of the kids. And yeah, I don't, I guess
it was just like ingrained in me from there that my role was to help other people instead of myself.
And so maybe like you have never spoken to anyone about it, have never dealt with maybe anything
that kind of ingrained some of these thought processes in my mind. And maybe along some along
the way somewhere, I became like addicted to my work. I don't know if that obviously not conflating
it to drug alcohol addiction. But yeah, for the last eight years, maybe less so in the last year
and a half after my son was born, and I've worked hard to try to prioritize time with him. But maybe
for the first six years of owning my gym, pretty much everything revolved around work. And I think
I was just using it to distract myself and using it as a way to not have to address anything that
was bothering me. So running probably is similar in some ways. I like you, you said like when you're
outside, you feel connected to people, I always kind of have a mantra in my mind when I'm racing
that it's like a privilege to suffer. There's a lot of people I work with, I can't run. Obviously,
my friends who passed away don't have the opportunity to do these things. Feel a lot of guilt about that.
And so I wonder if like work and running can be an unhealthy addiction. And if so, whether that
should be addressed or whether it should be leveraged? Yeah, you know, it's a good question.
It's a good topic to discuss, right? I think what the thing that I heard from you that resonated
with me is what I was talking about before is clarity and perspective, right? So you had an
unfortunate accident which took you off of the basketball court. And then you worked with special
needs kids, right? And that gave you a perspective that gave you clarity on the world that other kids
your age didn't have. And it will change you. You know, if you're willing to let it change you,
it will. Like some things like that have such a dramatic effect and that it changes you forever.
And but that's in a good way. There's other stuff that's in a bad way. I think you said,
you know, I'm not conflating it with kind of what I've been through or whatever. And what I say is,
it's not a contest. You know, we all have things. And we just always try to do our best. We try to
get to a point where we understand everything in moderation. Specifically for me, I have a very
addictive personality so I can get caught up in things. And I have to always kind of remind myself
of like, okay, is this healthy? Is this too much? Is this whatever, right? So just like maybe you're
asking yourself those questions. But the only person I think that holds the answers to those
are your wife. You know, are you being the person you need to be for her and at home?
And if the answer is to some degree no, then it's a conversation that you have to be willing to be
open to and change for. I think that every person on earth should go to counseling.
I think it is therapeutic to talk about anything, you know, your relationship with your dog.
Like it's just because I think, you know, we oftentimes just don't really know if it's
quote, normal to have some of the thoughts we have, and then we question them maybe like,
do other people think like this? Do other? And I hate that term normal. But the point is, I mean,
it couldn't hurt, you know, an hour a week with someone that you trust to talk through some of
these questions and issues and have them kind of ask you some very pointed questions. Be willing
to be open to the process and the truth. Yeah. So, you know, I mean, you're, you're doing what
you needed to do to get by and survive. I think that's what we do as humans, you know,
luckily for you, these are pretty healthy activities, but there is such a thing as too much,
right? It is great though, that you, you have that experience and you're doing what you're doing.
And it's interesting that you say like, you use that as motivation, because you say, well,
other people can't do this. So I know that I'm lucky. And I really like that, you know,
I really like that having the ability to know that is a gift.
Yeah, I don't know if like, it's something that's popped in my head. And I don't know if it's
grounded at anything. But sometimes I think that, and there's people that are a lot more successful
than me and work a lot less than me. So it's not like I have some magic formula to success. I'm
far from that. But part of me, maybe says to myself that if I were better, then I wouldn't work as
hard. Or if I didn't have that like self induced pressure that I wouldn't work as hard. So I think
that I wouldn't work as hard and then things wouldn't be as they are now. So it's been a
hesitancy to maybe resolve some of those things, because I can identify how they've been beneficial
in my professional career. But they're definitely not beneficial in my personal life.
Yeah. And I think, but you know what, that's the journey that we have the gift to live.
Everything is a gift. So I hear people say before, every time you say, I have to replace it with I
can. So like, you're like, I have to go to the grocery store. I can go to the grocery store. I
have money, I can buy food off the shelf, I can feed my kids, you know, I can drive myself there.
You know, I have to pick my kids up from practice, you know, I can pick my kids up from practice. I
have kids, they're healthy, they're able to play sports, like, there are always ways you can take
those types of things in their everyday life. And for me, what I what I say to people is, you'll
hear people say like, you never know how to live until you die. And what that refers to is people
on their deathbed saying, I wish I spent more time with my kids, I wish I didn't work as much, I wish
I didn't work as much, I wish I didn't. In that moment, they now know how to live. They know what
is most important and how they should have lived. Well, people who suffer from addiction and mental
illness to the point where we've been suicidal passively or actively, or we have not wanted to
be here, or we've been so deep with no hope. When you get a chance to get back into this world and
thrive, man, everything is different. It's just different, you know, like, I know that I am
appreciative of this minute right here. I'm not guaranteed five minutes from now. I'm not guaranteed
tomorrow. Take the trip, you know, work less, do the thing, you know, because I know I've been there,
you know, I know how bad it can be. And because of that, things that I would have many years ago
considered to be big deals are trivial. Yeah, it's a pressure of like, wanting to provide for your
family. And then I got in this environment where it was pressure to serve our clients and our members,
or it was to coach our Special Olympics basketball program. And it's like, there's always someone
relying on you, which is a great thing to have. It's a really fortunate position to be in, but
I can't pretend that it's not somewhat challenging position to be in. Yeah. Well, you know, like I
said, I mean, I think for you, you know, you're young, and you're successful, and you're on your
journey, right? The important part of I think what I hear you saying is that I'm asking myself tough
questions about the model in which I'm living my life, you know, and that's all we can do, right?
Not be hard on ourselves, right? But just say openly and honestly, like, you know, am I liking
this? Am I, you know, am I missing out on other things? Am I doing this? And, you know, and then
kind of change as, you know, you or your wife or whoever else is your system for truth and honesty.
And because, you know, I'm with the addictive personality, like I have, I'm the same way,
you know, but the one thing I have learned for me specifically is what I thought I had to be was
completely unselfish in life. And what I now know is that I have to be entirely selfish
in order to be unselfish for other people. Like if I don't get my sleep in, if I don't get my
workouts in, if I'm not eating right, if I'm not, you know, my medication, like all of those things,
if they're not balanced, and I'm not in balance, you know, around my house, you know, my boys or
my wife, you know, I got to get a run in. And we've got a big day, we're going to be out and
about all that stuff like that. I got to get a run in, you know, this morning, got to get rid of
that angst and anxiety. They let, they know that I have to have that. And they know if they give me
those things, then I'm, I'm the person they need to be everywhere else. You know, now I'm out and
about with them and I don't have that angst I have inside if I haven't gotten my run in or whatever,
right? And I'm not short and snippy with them. You know, yeah. So like they, yeah. Right. So
I mean, but they, they, they know that and they support it because they see when they do that,
they get great results from me. And, you know, I think we, with, you know, what you're doing,
and a lot of what we see in the world, you know, I am bipolar type two, right? That's my diagnosis.
I take three medications a day. And then I take a thyroid medication too, because my thyroid was
up. So four medications a day I got to take. I never believed in a million years, five years ago,
I could feel the way I do today. I just had a medication change. Just changed the milligram
I take per day, like five weeks ago. As I get older and my testosterone levels come down and
other stuff changes, I need to be in tune with my body. I'm sober, I'm clear, all of that stuff. I
can feel this. So I am, and I need to bring that feedback back to my psychiatrist and my wife and
triangulate those. So I never in a million years thought that I could get where I'm at right now.
I didn't know it was possible for me to feel like this. I had no idea it existed. I didn't know how
bad I was suffering. But, you know, I'm covered under the ADA, Americans with Disabilities Act,
right? And multiple other, you know, severe anxiety disorders, those types of things, right? So
if I need accommodations for work, they have to be given to me.
People with what we call hidden disabilities, which is me, right? My life isn't easy, man.
You know, living in my head is not easy and living the life I have to live is not easy.
It's better than I ever could imagine. And I have bad days and I have bad weeks and sometimes I have
bad months. But I know that I'm blessed to be here and to be sober and be surrounded by the
people that I am. But when we talk about going into a gym setting or working or things like that,
you know, when you've got anxiety or you go in bipolar depressive episode, you're walking into a
gym, the global gym, something like that, to work out all the bright lights, all the equipment,
all the people looking, all sorts of stuff. No way. Absolutely not. So, you know, when we talk
about safe places for people with disabilities, we have to understand it's not just physical
disabilities. We have to give people a place that is safe and understanding and empathetic for
mental health issues that they might be going through. Because they should not be
viewed as different. You know, like when you're going through a tough time in mental health
standpoint, your mind is attacking you 24 hours a day, even in your sleep. And you might not be
sleeping at all. You know, you're just constantly under attack. And to go out in public and function
and do stuff is hard. But the thing that you need the most in that moment is a damn good workout.
Right? Like that will quiet your mind. That will get you to a point when you're like, okay.
And also, you know, as you know, it builds confidence. Okay, I got my workout in today.
I know I'm struggling. I know everything is hard, but I got to work out it. Right? And you get a
little bit of confidence. Okay, I can do this. You know, I can do this. So, you know, we need to be
more conscious, I think, of that. I think it's hard to do. But if I'm going into a gym in which I know
I have friends or trainers or other people who get it, understand that I might not be at my best,
but I still just need a workout and some love and compassion and support. And, you know, that's a
good model. Right? We need more of that. Yeah, the CrossFit community has obviously been
a real strong pillar of the importance of bringing people together in a fitness space.
Yeah, you can critique training methodologies, etc. But you can't deny the fact that they brought
community to fitness and they were probably one of the first ones that did so. I think it's like
finding striking that balance between I think some people are intimidated by the persona that's
CrossFit has adopted once you get in there. I'm sure it's completely different. But I know like
for us, yeah, but I know like for us at our facility, we've had a lot of people that
come to us because they see that we work with disabilities. They assume that our staff are
empathetic or willing to modify for them, make necessary adaptations. And they don't have a
disability themselves, but they say like, oh, these, I want to get into like my fitness journey. I
don't like you mentioned, you want to go to one of those like Globo gyms. So that's where like the
value of inclusion doesn't and accessibility, I guess, doesn't just benefit the people with
physical disabilities, but it kind of benefits all populations, a lot of populations at least.
So I think that's where like creating a welcoming and inclusive community has
allowed us to train people of all abilities. Yeah, you know, I really didn't think about that,
but that's a good point, right? I mean, if you're creating that environment, and they know it's a
very accepting environment, people who are really out of shape or have maybe confidence issues or
things like that, like they will, they'd be more willing to go to that gym because they understand,
okay, the staff here gets it, right? They work with people, you know, and they're empathetic,
and there's love and compassion and stuff. You know, I mean, and you're right about CrossFit,
it's really, you know, the barrier is really in the, you know, the scaries of like, oh my
god, these people are crazy. I mean, if you go into a gym, like a CrossFit gym, most workouts,
you'll find almost everybody's over 40. Half of them are women, right? Every different look
and walk of life and not any of them are crazy, like fitness freaks. Like when I was doing it,
I was right. Because that's how I approach everything. But what I also knew at the time
for me is that if somebody walked through that door knew I was the first one to greet them,
I was going to talk to them throughout the workout because I know looking at me and watching me do a
workout was going to be crazy intimidating for them. So I wanted to say, hey, I'm Ken, blah, blah,
welcome. We're so glad to have you. And then at the end, be like, what'd you think? You know,
we'd love to see you again. I think, you know, in that model, we call it the family or the community.
It's very much expected for the senior members or the ones that could be intimidating to be the ones
that are the most welcoming, to set the standard for how things happen in here. But you got to get
somebody in the door first. That's the hardest part, right? When they have that thing in their
head. But yeah, it's the family. It's the community. You know, I know some, you know,
it was struggling in and out like some of those first years when I was doing it.
When I wouldn't show up for a week, the trainer, a couple other people in the class,
they'd reach out to me. Hey, where you been? Blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? And I'm
getting over a bender and could barely get out of bed. You know, and it was it's just nice to go
into a place where you feel loved. I think we all just want to be seen, right? And feel loved,
right? And I think, you know, what you're trying to build here, why I respect it so much is exactly
that, you know, fitness is the key to so many things. And you don't have to be crazy fit.
It just has to be part of your routine. It does help settle you down. It does help build the
confidence. No one's saying you've got to be a Greek god or goddess. No one's saying you've got
to be all of these things. We're just saying because for you and for me, it has been really
healing and helpful over time. We just want other people to benefit from it like we did.
And that's why now like, you know, you talked about me speaking, like I speak to my local high
school to all of their health classes every year. The senior health classes, I speak in other places.
And now I tell the dirty grimy story of like, all of it. And it's really, really impactful,
you know, the kids tend to love it, the feedback is great. And the message is really at the very
basic level, we've all got shit going on. You know, even you looked at me in school, I was an
all state soccer player, I dated the pretty girl in school, got good grades, like I had it all going
on, right? Like, unless you knew me or my close friends, you had no idea what the hell was going
on in my house. You have to understand that like, everybody's got a story. And in high school,
especially when like, it can be really hard because it's so everything's clicks, right? And
the kids that are struggling with anxiety want the popular ones is no chance they are looking at the
quarterback on the football team. And realizing that he, you know, is taking medication for
depression, or struggles with anxiety, you know, it's the farthest thing from their mind, there's
no chance that could happen. And I see it, I see them talk to me all the time. It is. So, you know,
we just, you know, I know you do this in your gym, it's just, we just have open arms for everybody
and a lot of empathy and, and no judging, right? Understanding everyone's got something going on.
And I want to meet you where you're at. And I just want to be an ally. I think that's been one of the
the worst side effects of social media, maybe is that it's always just the positives of people's
lives. And it just like conditions that feedback loop of everyone's doing great. And maybe I'm not.
Or every everyone has this these things going for them, and I'm struggling with this. So I think
it's tough for kids growing up right now in the thick of that. They don't know how to process that
stuff. And social media has only exacerbated it. Yeah. And you know, like, so two years ago, just
over two years ago, I lost my best friend, the kid that I said that we started doing drugs together
when I was 14, he lived in my neighborhood, best friend since like age five, he was never able to
get sober. He ended up an addict like me shocker. And we used to use together. And then he was never
able to get sober and he OD right before Christmas two years ago. And the the thing that I get the
most from other people when I see them are at the wake or at the funeral, you know, I gave his eulogy,
right? I mean, he's just we could not have been better friends is that they were like,
like his Facebook posts, he was doing so well. This that you know what I mean? It's like, and I
would see his Facebook posts and think to myself, you know, come on, like, I know you're really
struggling. And you're putting this out there. And you know, I wish because I am on Facebook,
you know, people will tell you or whatever you can look at my page. I talk about when I struggle,
I talk about my disease, I talk about my addiction, I talk about all that stuff. And I say,
I just want you all to know when you look at me and my wife and the happy and the beautiful boys
and the happy family, that there's a story and that I still struggle here and there and that's
okay. And, and I wish we would be more accepting of people's stories. And I wish more people would
be willing to share their story. But you know, everybody's just afraid to be judged. And I get
that hard. Yeah, I think I sometimes hesitant to share things on social media, because I, I
understand the repercussion that it might have for someone else who's like approaching it from that
lens of this person's doing great. And I'm not, again, not to say that I'm the shining example of
success. But like, I don't want to portray something that seems so pure. And there's nothing
inherently wrong with it. But I, I just don't want people to feel like they're not doing well,
and other people are doing that. So I feel like sometimes I'm hesitant to share.
I hear that. I mean, I think that, you know, you're doing something really good here,
and as it pertains to your business, and what you're doing here, and all that, I think that's
stuff you need to share. But I think we also can have a healthy doses like, listen, my life's not
perfect, I've got plenty of stuff going on, blah, blah, blah. But you know, what we're doing over
here is really special. And because getting more people into the doors of your gym can only help
the world, right?
How would you gauge the efficacy of your speaking?
Well, I mean, you want me to read a couple snippets of what people said?
Yeah, if you haven't read them.
These are the first, this was the first year that they actually got feedback through like a Google
form. And there was 60 pieces of feedback, and they were all very similar. I'll read you a couple.
a different period we're hanging out
they were all very similar. I'll read you a couple. I thought the presentation was
I thought the presentation was incredible. I mean, this is a 45 minute presentation, right?
incredible. I mean this is a 45 minute presentation, right? I thought the
I thought the presentation was incredible. I am so, so grateful we had this opportunity.
presentation was incredible. I am so so grateful we had this opportunity. As
As someone whose childhood has also been affected by someone with mental health and substance abuse
someone whose childhood has also been affected by someone with mental health
and substance abuse struggles, I really felt so seen. Me and one of my best
friends who was in a different period were hanging out over the weekend and
for probably 45 minutes we sat in my car and just talked about how incredible
the presentation was. The whole presentation was so impactful so thank
you so much. This is the senior, right? Who is basically at the point where
they've got senioritis. They've been accepted into school. Nothing matters
from here on out. They could have only done one sentence and almost every
single person, 60 of them, did a paragraph. One more. I thought the
presentation was very enlightening. I met Mr. Walsh over the summer and he briefly
shared his story with me. I knew from that moment that he was going to share
an incredible story with our class. As someone who has struggled with clinical
depression and anxiety for my whole life, I truly resonated with some of the
struggles in his life. I have taken away from his speech that when my parents
ask about how I'm doing and if I'm feeling depressed, I need to be honest
with them and seek the help that I need but maybe don't want at that point in
time. I want to thank Mr. Walsh so much for his bravery and sharing his past. It
has truly changed the way I think about my mental health and the mental health
of those around me. Those are pretty powerful because you want like action. I
feel like sometimes with like the motivational speaking, it has substance
but it doesn't always elicit action. Yeah, well I mean and that's like I told you
before, you know, there's kind of a certain themes and what did I learn and
the biggest one is self-accountability. You know, like when you're struggling,
you got to own that. You got to ask for help. You got to chase down the
resources. No one's gonna come to save you. It's great to have a group of people
around you that support you but even in the absence of that, you got to stand up
and you got to fight, right? That's just the way it is and so like that, that girl
I talk about, you know, listening to the people around you. Like I talk about my
wife and the dialogue we have and how helpful she is to understand behavior
changes on my side because with mental health, it happens so gradually that I
can't pick up on small things until it's too late. She will see them well before I
can, you know, weeks before I can and she's that barometer, right? She's that
like hurricane or sorry tornado siren or something, you know, that goes
off. So, you know, I talk about that. I talk about empathy and understanding for
those around us and understanding people are going through struggles that we
don't know about. So yeah, we talk about, I talk about loss. I talk about how we
need to remember people lost from addiction and mental health, that these
are people that are dying from like deadly diseases and courageous fights
against a deadly disease and when we remember somebody that dies
by cancer, we always say, oh, you know, they fought a courageous battle against a
deadly disease and we remember them for how they lived, right? And then we have
somebody we lose to suicide or mental or drug or alcohol, we remember them by how
they died. You know, we never say, oh, they've, you know, they were amazing,
like, blah, blah, blah. They, you know, every time I talk to people like, you
know, suicide survivors, we call ourselves. So, you know, someone who lose, I'll talk
with them as part of like, people will reach out and say, hey, can you come talk
to them? And, and I'll say, you know, tell me about Bob, you know, and they'll say,
oh, he was, he's drinking too much and he was depressed. I'm like, no, no, hold on,
wait, like, tell me about Bob, like, how did Bob live? Right? Oh, he was the best
husband. Oh, he's a great father and he loved animals and you can see they smile,
right? You know, like, why is their go-to the way they struggled and died? We've
conditioned that in society as opposed to like how they lived and then say, well,
yeah, I mean, we lost them after a courageous battle against a deadly
disease because that's what it is because the people we lose to mental
illness and alcohol and drug abuse, the stats on those people dwarf the amount
of people we lose to cancer. I mean, it's not even close. It's like triple or more
in cases. So like, how do we remember the people we lost to these? Can we
remember them with dignity and kindness and respect? And then that way other
people who are struggling, be willing to raise their hand and say, I'm struggling
because now we view them differently than we did. And now I'm more willing to
raise my hand and say, I'm struggling because I don't think people will judge
me. Like, how do we change the conversation about these things that are
so stigmatizing? And you know, even small things like a lot of people say, oh, you
know, they committed suicide or killed themselves, right? And we're like, well,
let's try to go away from that. Like, we try to say died by suicide, lost to
suicide, blah, blah, that type of stuff, because those other ways to describe it
come with these negative connotations, these verbs that are so like, oh, heavy.
And so we try to like change that. So like, I weave all of that kind of into
the story about, you know, where I've come from, what I went through. Like I
said, it's a long time. I mean, there's a lot there. And but most importantly,
like what I've learned and the lessons that I've learned in the way that I'd
like them to view people themselves, society, and these diseases. And I cry,
you know, like I talk about how I lost my sister or my mom or my dad, when you
saw that before, like that happens every time. And I tell them like, when I tell
you this story, I'm going to cry. I'm going to fight back tears. Like I know
right now that makes me a real man. I didn't know that years ago. I was afraid
to show that side. But this is raw. This is my life. This is the way it happened.
And people that if you're talking about absorbing what it means to them, and how
they can turn it into action, it's got to be emotional. It's got to be raw. And
it's got to be passionate. Right?
Yeah, I think we already answered the, the theme of like how to make fitness
more accessible from this lens of making sure you're more welcoming, creating an
accessible, inclusive, empathetic environment, understanding that invisible
disabilities, hidden disabilities, whatever you want to call it. I know
there's some, some debate in terms of what the most appropriate terminology is
for that. Understanding, understanding that those exist. Understanding that
inclusion is not just physical disabilities. But it's creating a place
where people feel a sense of belonging and they feel included and supported.
So I think that is the most applicable takeaway weaving this conversation. And
with the accessibility of fitness and when we talk about it, accessibility of
fitness and we look at Down syndrome and CP and physical disabilities, but
there's a lot more to it. And I think this conversation addressed those things.
Yeah. And I mean, all in the same place too, right? Like that's what you were
talking about about your gym, right? It's not just for people with disabilities.
Right? So like when you create these places that are only for certain groups
of people, you know, then that doesn't foster the inclusion and the belonging
you're talking about. You're saying people are walking through your doors
because they just don't want to be judged. So now you've got quote normal
people. I hate that term, but my point is like, they don't have disabilities.
They're, you know, and they're in the same place. And now it's not just a place
for people with disabilities, right? It's a place where there's empathy and love
and understanding and no judgment. And I think that is most important because
people with disabilities don't just want to be known as people with disabilities.
They just want to be normal people, but be, but have places they can go and fit
in. Yeah. It's tough. Cause like, if, if you were a member at my gym, everyone
would categorize you in that, in that normal group, unless you, unless you
readily shared your story with everyone at our facility or that it's not like
you're that if you share it all with the people at your CrossFit box, but yeah,
that just goes to show that there's a lot more underneath the surface for
everyone. And I do share in the gym or whatever, because I want, I want people
to know that. But most people when they look at me, they, yeah, they wouldn't,
you know, they look at me, they wouldn't think it and I want them, I want them to
think it, you know, I want them to say, holy shit, he that, that stereotype,
that's not the person that I thought. And when they have that moment, that's
exactly what we're trying to do. Fight the stigma, fight the stereotype and say,
this could be anyone, anywhere. And it doesn't discriminate.
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