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All right, welcome to the AdaptX podcast where we have conversations with individuals who are

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building accessible businesses and products advocating for inclusion or excelling in adaptive

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sports. Our intention is never to speak on behalf of those with disabilities but give them a platform

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to amplify their voice and share insights to make a more accessible world. Today we are joined by

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Ken Walsh. Ken is a senior advanced analytics manager in the medical device industry and a

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keynote speaker who has transformed adversity into strength throughout his remarkable journey.

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Overcoming a history of substance abuse rooted in a challenging upbringing, he found solace in

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support in the fitness community. Through sharing his story with high school students, he aims to

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destigmatize addiction and mental health, offer hope and guidance on the path to recovery. Ken,

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thanks for joining me today. You're welcome. Excited to be here. So maybe, I know we talked

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prior to this so I know you're comfortable doing so but maybe just to give a little bit of background

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into the events that led to where you are today. Can you share a little bit of your upbringing that

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you mentioned in that bio? Sure, yeah. So it's a long story. There's a lot there so I'll try to

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condense it just a bit. I grew up in a household. We're on welfare. I was the youngest of six kids,

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a mixed family. My mother and my father both met. They both had kids and I was the only one between

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both of them. My youngest part of my childhood, besides being in an 1100 square foot house with

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eight people and one bathroom and three bedrooms. So I ended up with my sisters in a very pink

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bedroom for about 12 years. But yeah, I think my early years were what I would consider to be great

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years. I didn't know. You don't know it's really different outside of your household.

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Right? But my mother had a troubled past. She had been molested, raped by a family friend multiple

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times growing up. She struggled with alcoholism and with mental health issues. And so maybe about

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when I was nine or 10, I think maybe everything really changed. My brothers and sisters

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were getting in trouble, being brought home by the police. There was physical and verbal abuse

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in the household. And there was addiction, drug use that's prevalent. My brothers and sisters,

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they were kind of smoking weed around with me when I was maybe six or seven. I was tagging along,

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following them around everywhere. But about maybe the age of nine or 10, my mother was diagnosed

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with cancer, a form of lung cancer, but not due to smoking. Her and my father were very heavy smokers.

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But she went through radiation. And in the process of that, she was introduced to pain pills

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in the form of opiates. And this is kind of very, very early days, you know, late 80s.

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So there's no control. And she was kind of doctor shopping. She became hooked very quickly. Like I

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said, she was already an alcoholic. So that was kind of that was sober. So she got hooked on

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opiates. And she was bipolar type two. And so we went through many years where she barely got out

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of bed. And there was many suicide attempts and visiting her in the mental hospital and things

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like that. And kind of multiple teenage pregnancies at the same time with my brothers and sisters.

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And, you know, I started smoking weed and drinking when I was about 14. I think, you know,

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I think, you know, happened in my neighborhood and with my best friend. And I think we almost

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kind of couldn't wait to start really, it was almost the expectation, I think, the way I grew

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up. I mean, it's crazy to say that now, but it's just true. And so then I think as I got into my

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teenage years, my brothers and sisters, for the most part, left the house, but my sister had become

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a heroin addict. And she moved away to Fall River ended up going to, you know, becoming an addict,

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like I said, and prostitution, she had a baby, she gave it up for adoption, she ended up going

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to jail for about two or three years. She came back home sober in my late teenage years and kind

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of played that mother role really that I was looking for. She asked for my report card,

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she went to my, you know, soccer games, things like that. I was always an athlete, I always did

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very well in school, school was really easy for me. And she came home and, you know, she was doing,

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she was doing well. And, and, but always talked about kind of if she would have run into heroin

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and do it again, she would kill herself. And she ran into and use heroin. And the next morning,

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you know, 17, the next morning, she shot herself in the heart on the side of a main road in my town

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in North Kingston that I grew up in. And so I just kind of, from there, I really dove deeper into the

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drugs and alcohol and isolated myself more. I didn't deal with it at all. I wouldn't talk about

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my emotions. I wouldn't talk about really nobody asked any of the trauma that was going on in my

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household and the things that were going on. And, you know, I, like I said, by that time, I was,

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you know, I guess you call me a pothead, but I was still an all state soccer player.

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Went off to college at URI. And then, you know, I think things would progress from there. But I mean,

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that's a, I guess, brief synopsis of my childhood and what happened and what what kind of led me

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to that point that I left home to try to build a new life.

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What factors differentiate between those who make it out of an environment like that

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and those who don't?

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I wish we knew, you know, you're far more likely to repeat the cycle. And I did for the most part,

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for many years, we lose hundreds of thousands of people to, you know, addiction and mental health

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disorders every year, including alcohol and that. And we don't know why. We just don't seem to have

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answers. I mean, I think the one thing we do know is that, you know, childhood trauma is the number

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one predictor of addiction or mental illness in adulthood. Partially because, you know, I guess

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kids' brains are not built to deal with adult level stress like that, right? It really rewires

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your brain if you deal with that type of stress in a household or when you're a little kid or

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if traumatic events happen to you. And, you know, so we think when we talk about mental illness

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or addiction, you know, we talk about, well, you know, is it genetic? And I think to some degree,

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it is, especially bipolar. But at the same time, it just seems that people who end up in households

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that have a lot of that end up with mental illness and addiction. And then they now, as adults,

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build a household that has that, which then, you know, and it kind of passes that on. I think for

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me specifically, the only reason, I mean, I get, I don't know, you know, I don't, I have a lot of

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drive, I guess you could say I was never willing to settle. But also, like I said, school was really

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easy for me. And I think if it was something where school, I had to work really hard, I'm not sure

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at that age, I would have, I was ready to put the work in. So I got by with my drug and alcohol use

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and barely just mailing it in at school and still getting A's and B's.

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At what point did things kind of switch for you? Or maybe what was, was there a specific incident

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that you were like, oh, I need to turn this around?

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Well, I mean, you know, going to college, I went to University of Rhode Island. It's a great party

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school. I joined a fraternity, right? I mean, drinking every night, smoking every day all day.

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I mean, it's still, you know, putting, I don't even know, 50%, you know, into my studies.

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I would leave school for a little bit and go back and take it more seriously, you know,

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put the work in really hard, but I had to put myself through school. So it's full-time work,

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at the same time as full-time school, at the same time as almost full-time partying at night.

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You know, when you're young, you can bounce back like that. It was really just the cycle.

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And, you know, I met my wife on the first day that I went to URI. She was the first person I met at

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University of Rhode Island, which is pretty cool. We'll celebrate 20 years on April 24th.

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It's the only reason why I'm talking to you today, to be honest.

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But, you know, I mean, in college, you know how that is. It's just like you're a partier, right?

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Like, oh, everyone parties and stuff. But we were just like that next level, me and my friends,

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you know? And that went right into, you know, moved up to Massachusetts with my wife,

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got a job in corporate America. So did she. We were climbing the ladder. We were doing really well

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and new into a company where a lot of kids are young. We're going out multiple nights a week.

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I mean, that's part of the culture there as well. So you just kind of find those types of people who

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like that lifestyle that you do everywhere you go, and it perpetuates. But for me, I think I had

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I really in the later years of college been introduced to and fell in love with uppers like

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cocaine and Ritalin and that type of stuff. And that was a love affair that came very close to

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killing me and taking everything from me. But I think what people don't understand

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about addiction is they think you start smoking or using and then immediately you're dysfunctional.

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But it's really not even close to that. I mean, for most people, there's 10, 15, 20 years in between

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in which you're an active addiction and it's growing worse and worse. And then you finally get

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to the edge of the cliff and fall off. You know, you can be extremely productive as someone who's

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in the throes of addiction. You see it all the time. I mean, we all work with people. We all know

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people who are drinking way too much every night. They know it, they're inactive, and you would

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never know, really. So, you know, for me, we kind of continued to build that life. We both got an

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MBA, went back to school, got an MBA at UMass. And, you know, at some point, I just I never drank

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without cocaine or something else. It became just a one or two or three nights a week thing. And then

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I guess it just progressed and progressed. I was never an everyday drinker. I was more of a binger

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than anything. And I lost my mother. Finally, she was an active addiction for many, many years. I

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lost her when I was 27 and, you know, 46 now. And I mean, really the same thing. Like I don't

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remember crying. And I'm a very emotional person nowadays, you know, and I'm, I'm not sure if I

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look back in like the five to 10 years following that was really where I would gradually get worse

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and worse and worse. And I think what had happened as I look back now and counseling is that it just

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opened up a lot of wounds. You know, my mother, they found her, she was, she was unconscious,

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you know, wasn't breathing. And so they got, you know, they were able to resuscitate her, but she

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had had, you know, long enough with no oxygen to the brain. So, you know, we had to pull the plug

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and we don't know if it was overdose or if it was an intentional act of suicide. Like I said,

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she probably attempted suicide maybe 15 times in my life, ended up in the hospital. So we'll never

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really know that, but we do know what they found in her body. And, you know, there was of course,

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a lot of drugs that we knew. So after that, I just kind of slid for a long period of time,

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but didn't realize it when it was happening. You know, I still said, well, I've built this view

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of what success looks like in my mind. I grew up poor. We fought about money. There was no, you

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know, room in the house, you know, clothes and food. And these were the things in my life that

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I had decided that if I got to the point where I didn't have to worry about them, then I was

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successful. And I had had two boys now, two little kids, and I had a nice house and I was making good

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money. I had the nice car. I didn't have to worry about that stuff. And I was the most miserable I've

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ever been. I literally, I didn't want to be here anymore. And, you know, it was really close to

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that point that I lost my dad. And the story of how I lost my dad and what happened after that would

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really kind of be the turnaround. Were your kids born during the process and you were still addicted

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to drugs and alcohol? Yeah, absolutely. How do you intend on raising them to kind of break that cycle?

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Well, I think it's what I'm doing, you know. So my boys were, are too young to remember

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any of my drug or alcohol use. You know, by that time I was, like I said, I was never an everyday

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user or any of that, you know, and, and, but it would get to the point where I was binging for two,

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three days at a time, sometimes barely sleeping, that type of stuff, maybe not coming home.

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And my father passed in 2012. And so we got a call that he was in the hospital with pneumonia

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and came down there. And to be with them, you know, my father was a very heavy, unfiltered

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cigarette smoker since he was like 16. But he was, he coached in my town, he coached every

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one of my brothers and sisters. He had an impact on hundreds, if not thousands of lives. And,

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you know, he was somebody that everybody knew and revered and loved. And he just kind of

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didn't have any words or he didn't know what to do with me. When all of this happened with my sister

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and my mom and all of that, I mean, we didn't talk about addiction and mental illness back then.

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And, you know, but he was like, you know, he's my best friend. He's the guy that always had my back.

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And I go to the hospital and they say, well, you know, they actually diagnosed him with stage

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four lung cancer while I was there, while I was in the room. And they said, you know, you have three

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to six months to live if the pneumonia does not spread to the other lung, because if it does,

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you're too weak and it's going to kill you. And two weeks later, it wiped him out. But during that

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process, I saw him, it was very specific in my mind that I still think about was I came in,

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in the morning to see him because, you know, we're coming in every day and staying there all day.

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And the way I asked the nurse, you know, how he was doing. And she said, well, he had a really

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rough night last night. And I'm like, well, you know, what do you mean? She said, well, he's like,

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he's ringing the buzzer thing. And we come in and he's just basically like he's saying, I can't like

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live in my own body right now. Like knowing the impact he's going to have on me and his grandkids

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and my other siblings, you know, and that he was the cause of his own death. You know, he had, he

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had seen the impact of all of the other trauma had had on us for him to now be putting on top of that.

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He just, he's having a hard time. And he was almost like convulsing. They said like, that's how bad he

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was like in that spot. They had to put them, you know, give them sedatives and to make them sleep.

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And so I just remember taking it all in. I remember after he passed, people reached out,

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your father was like a second father to me. And, you know, you know, he had a huge impact on the

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town. And I was like, well, like I'm watching my own death, right? Like, I'm going to die, sorry,

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filled with regret, right? That I was the cause of my own death and that I passed it on, always

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promising myself that I wouldn't. And, you know, like, how can I leave a legacy like this guy,

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like a giant legacy was a giant of a man of what he left behind. And, you know, I think

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it was the only time or the only confluence of events that ever brought me to the point

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where I was asking questions about myself and answering them honestly. And I didn't like the

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answers, you know, and I think the hardest part at that point was knowing that my dad wouldn't be

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proud of me and the life that I was living. Because he didn't know a lot of my secrets. And,

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you know, that's that's kind of really hard given he was really the only one I ever cared about what

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they thought. And so it's just, it was for me that trigger that place that I promised myself I was

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going to fix it. And I was up for the journey because I had promised myself, I don't know a

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million times, right, that I was going to stop and that it was going to get better and all that

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stuff. And so that moment for me seemed to be a turning point. I would have a couple dips later

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on, but that was really, you know, what set me on my path.

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Yeah, you mentioned legacy, it was a, it was a question someone asked me when I was appearing

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on their podcast a few weeks ago, I mentioned I have two boys under two years old. And he said,

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what's the, what's the legacy that you want to leave for them? And I didn't really have a good

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answer for it at the time. I'm still not sure I do. Or at least like what would I want my kids to

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think of me and it doesn't really have anything to do with the businesses that I run and, and the

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work that I do. But I want to make sure that I'm there for all their games. That's the only

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thing that's sticking in my mind right now is being there for all the important milestones.

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You mentioned like, you knew at that time that you had to take the first steps to changing it.

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What were those steps?

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Yeah, well, it's for what you just said right there about the game. So the one thing that kind

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of hurt me the most out of all of it with my mom is that when I was, I don't even know 13, 14, she

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just stopped coming to my games. And, you know, I was a striker on the soccer team and I was like a

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star in the town team and stuff. I was having big moments on the field, you know, whether it be like

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regular or once you get into high school and, you know, just kind of looking, always looking to the

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sidelines to find my mom when big things would happen or to see her on the side, you know, just

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like you do as any kid does, right? Just like looking at the sideline to like, okay, mom and

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dad's here, right? That's a big thing. And you don't realize how much it will kill you inside

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when you look over and they're not. But at one point they were not, or she was not, and it was

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never to come again. And that to this day hurts. That's one of the worst things, you know, because,

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you know, so I think I was having this conversation with me and it took me several months after my dad

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passed to really go through this little exercise. I just remember one time, just like I was actually

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looking in the mirror and I was saying to myself, like, you know, nobody gives a shit what you've

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been through. Like the world doesn't give a shit. The people around you that are closest to you are

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going to give you excuses. They're going to say, oh, we had a hard life. Always going through a

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tough time. Always going through a, you know, because that's human nature, right? That's empathy.

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But, you know, nobody outside cares, right? I need to be a good person, a good human, a good dad,

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a good husband, right? I need to give back to the world, right? That's why you're here. And so

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it's just kind of a different viewpoint of the world at that point that I call my father's death

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the greatest gift he ever gave because he gave me clarity. And clarity is important and perspective

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is important. So, you know, at that point I was 50 pounds overweight. I mean, I was huge, right?

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And I wasn't athletic. I wasn't doing anything. And I was just like, okay, like I'd seen this thing

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called CrossFit. I had fallen in love with it from a bar. And I was like, I would love to do that

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someday, but I wasn't anywhere near where I could. So I said, okay, you know, I'm going to lose 50

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pounds. I made that number 50, you know, and I was like, I'm going to lose 50 pounds and the way

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I'm going to do is I'm going to run. I'm a son of a bitch. I'm going to lose 50 pounds. I'm going to

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lose 50 pounds. And the way I'm going to do is I'm going to run. I'm a soccer player. I love to run

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when I'm in shape anyway. And so I said, what I'm going to do is I'm going to get myself back

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into shape. I'm going to diet and I'm going to run and I'll lose 50 pounds. And for 18 months,

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I ate salads and ran and it was just hardcore. And I took off to 50 pounds and I was rail skinny,

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not even close to what I look like today because I had decided I was going to build back a healthy

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frame. You know, something that I worked for. And so I got to that point. And then I signed up for

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CrossFit and I went into the CrossFit gym for the first time. And, you know, I'm kind of a person

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who even with running or whatever, you're almost masochistic in a way, like I love to push myself

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to my absolute limit, where I'm like gasping for air, you know, like, and I think a lot of addicts

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and people with mental illness crave that. Right. That's, you know, it's why you find a lot of a

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lot of addicts run endurance races or find their way into a CrossFit place. Right. Because it's

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something that replaces that, you know, being pushed to your limit and giving you that challenge

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that you need. And so, yeah, so I went in and I was awful. I remember him doing like the first

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test to see like, okay, I want to gauge where you are. And he said, okay, let's see how many strict

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pull ups you can do. And remember, I had just lost 50 pounds. So I'm like, oh, I'm going to kill this.

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One. I got down and I tried to do two and I couldn't get back to the bar. And I was like,

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okay, like, that's good. That's where you're at. Right. Like, and I was mad, and I should have been.

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And, and I use those types of things to drive me. Right. I'm like, I'm angry at where I'm at,

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and I want to be better. I want to be in a better place. And so the journey was on and I fell in

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love with it. I did it for nine years until kind of injuries piled up and I've got a bad back and

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that and a bad knee. But yeah, man. So that was a, that was the moment that I had decided. And that

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was the route that I said I was going to go. Yeah. And I mean, I think, like I said, there were some

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bumps in the road from there. Because even after that, I was still using here and there, because I

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had promised myself, I was like, oh, well, I can go back to like just drinking, because I can be

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normal like everybody else. And then I would prove myself wrong over and over, I'd go get four or

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five drinks, I'd go find some cocaine. And then, you know, and so I go this like two or three months

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at a time, being perfectly clean, and then explode and use for two or three days, and then do that

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again and do that again. And what I noticed along the way was that when I would come down

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from a binge or whatever, I would be in like a depressive state where I couldn't get out of bed

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for like a couple weeks at a time. Like, you know, three weeks before I was running a race on a

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mountain for seven miles for seven hours, and like loving every minute of it. And then, you know,

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three weeks later, I can't get out of bed to shower. So like, you know, just like what is going on

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here, like I was scaring myself, I didn't think I was ever going to be normal again. And I didn't

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know what was happening. Finally got to a place where it scared me to death. Like it scared me

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to the point where I never thought I was going to be normal again. And that was the moment that I

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raised my hand, and I asked for help and said, I don't have the answers anymore. I basically raised

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myself since I was 14. I always had the answers and every answer that I had was the right answer.

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And here I am. I promised myself I was going to stop this so many times I did for a year and a half,

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and that was good, but I can't, I just can't. And it was finally time for me to say, maybe I need

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someone else to help out and to bring somebody else into that very private disaster was the

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hardest thing I've ever done in my life. You know, it was embarrassing. It shouldn't have been.

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It shouldn't have been right because we need to be better at saying I need help. You know, we all

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can say I'm human and I need help, but there's an ego thing at play. And I think that stops a lot of

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people from asking for help. But for me, it saved my life, it saved my marriage, it saved everything.

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And that was my journey to like finding out I was severely afflicted with a mental health problem,

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I was severely afflicted with a mental health disorder, you know, finding out about my addiction,

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counseling, and talking about all the awful stuff that had happened, right? Like that was that

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journey. But yeah, and then from there, man, I mean, that's the journey. That's how we get here.

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Yeah, you mentioned after your sister passed, you had no intention of sharing your feelings,

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obviously kept it bottled up for a long time before finally finding this counseling. And now,

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now you're public speaking and sharing your story. At what point did you decide, one, that you're

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comfortable sharing your story, two, maybe that you thought it was worthwhile to share and who did

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you hope that it would benefit? Yeah, those are great questions. I mean, just even before that,

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we talk about men and vulnerability, you know, showing and talking about your emotions, that type

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of stuff. I mean, we, we, everybody knows this, we just do a really bad job in society of building up

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what a definition of like masculine means, or being a man, you know, we, the world and some

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people teach their boys very early on that emotions are a bad thing to have. To cry when

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they're upset or happy is a bad thing. And so, you know, when a father tells his boy, you know,

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suck it up, you shouldn't be crying because of this. It doesn't change in the future, the fact

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that they want to cry. But when they do, it just makes them feel broken because daddy said it

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shouldn't happen. And we wonder why we have so many like young adult males that are broken and

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violent. It's because we just we don't know how to express our feelings and our emotions, you know,

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we don't know how to let people in. We don't know how to be vulnerable. And in what we find when you

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do is that you unlock a part of yourself that people are really drawn to. Weird in a way when

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you you know, so I'm like, I reframe it to say, okay, well, isn't a real man, someone who's

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willing to show their feelings? Even if someone's going to judge them? You know, like that's real

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masculinity, right? I'm going to be my authentic self. And if you don't like me because of that,

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are you going to put a label on me? Like, I don't need you in my life. Right? Like real men do not

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not show emotions because someone will say they're weak, right? It's kind of that opposite, we need

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to change it. So, you know, I went into counseling and I started talking and I started talking to

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people and I started talking about things, my goodness, that I never in a million years would

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would have talked about or what I thought I've talked about. And of course, I realized that,

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you know, I went through hell and back. And I had a reason to be broken. And that I was always

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going to be broken unless I put the time in, put the work in. And so, you know, and that also

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validating that some of my anger and resentment for my mom and my sister and people like that,

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like that was valid and I was okay, you know, doing that. So, as I started that journey of like,

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what that looked like, one of the things when I started running again, I said I wanted to do was

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run the Boston Marathon and I got the chance to do it. And I got the chance to do it for a charity

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that I sit on the board of in Rhode Island called the Samaritans of Rhode Island. And I'm like,

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especially at work, or really anywhere, like I would just not tell people about my mom or my

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sister or what happened in my past, all of that stuff for fear of being judged and those types

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of things. But I went to the executive director of Samaritans, who's a dear friend of mine now,

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and I said, like, okay, I would like to raise money for you. And she said, okay, but you're

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gonna have to tell your story. She goes, that's what we do. We don't hide that here. If you're

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gonna reduce the stigma and fight that, then you have to tell your story. I remember thinking like,

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oh, Jesus, I don't know about that. Like, I'll talk to a counselor about it, but I'm not gonna

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put that out in the world. But you know what, I was like, okay, let's go. Like, if it's for a good

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cause, I'm always willing to put myself out there and be vulnerable if I think it can help people.

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And so I, you know, put it out, I had to go fund me or whatever it was, right. And I shared it.

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I was at a small consulting company at the time. My boss and the president of the company both

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reached out and said they lost a daughter, I mean, a sister to suicide when they were younger.

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So, and other people reached out saying, you know, they had, they were affected in some way,

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but I was like, man, this is my boss and the president. Like, these are the people that are

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like closest to me or who I look up to the most. And they have these shared experiences. And it was

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a, you know, it was validating. It was healing because I think I lived in the work world,

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corporate America or whatever it is and said, if I, if I show who I am or what I've been through,

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people will judge me. And then maybe I had a chip on my shoulder too, like kind of guarded, like,

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you know, you, you don't know what I've been through. You couldn't have done what I've done,

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that type of stuff. But then what happened, I think is that the things that were isolating me the most

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then became the things that gave me the connection I was seeking so much.

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The relationship I built with my boss because of it, the relationship I built with my president,

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and the president actually said, I'd like to give a sizable donation if you'll put the name of the

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company on your shirt when you run the marathon. And I did. Right. So like, um, I was like, okay,

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I'm healing and other people are healing and wow, this is powerful. Um, and that was the start.

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And then from there, I, I wasn't sharing, like I was having trouble with addiction. At that point,

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I didn't know that I was bipolar type two. Um, so I would share here and there. And then, you know,

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as time would go on, I would get a formal, you know, a psychiatric evaluation. I'd get diagnosed

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as bipolar type two, and that's what my mom was. And it's genetic. Um, and then that was really

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important for me because people say, well, how did you feel when that happened? And I said,

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it was an answer. I had been searching for an answer for so long on why the things were

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happening in my life. They were happy that were happening. Now I had a reason. Now I had a way

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to know I'm very much a two plus two equals four guy. So if they said, this is what you need to do

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to thrive with this and it's exercise and it's eating and it's, you know, bedtimes, you know,

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you're getting a certain amount of sleep, all of these things that you have to live a certain way,

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even if it challenges the way you had been living before, if that gives me the best chance to thrive

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in this world, I'm all in. So, you know, I got that diagnosis. And then I think as the years went on

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and I was sober for a little bit of period underneath me, I started adding in the addiction

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piece and that I was in long-term recovery and still once again, that fitness being the thing

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that the theme that runs through it of that place that I went to heal. And I remember so many times

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running on the road in the early days and just crying as I ran, you know, I always felt that

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somehow being outside brought me closer to them. And it was kind of a place that I went to like,

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deal with those thoughts or reason with the past and come to grips with it. And I always just found

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myself finding comfort in fitness. And I think that's what we're here to discuss, right? Like,

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how do we use fitness to recover from disabilities, to make our disabilities better,

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to bring other people into our world and try to help them heal through those same ways, right?

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I mean, I think those are things that you and I are very passionate about and why we're here talking.

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Yeah, absolutely. Let me try to maybe hash something out. If I'm going to ask you to share,

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I'll try to do my best to share, but it's things I've never said out loud. So I haven't really

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fully thought out the sequence of events. So I had great childhood. I was first introduced to

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disability when I was 15. So I broke my wrist and I couldn't play basketball. So my mom made me

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volunteer at a Special Olympics program. And like, oh, I love that. And like moms, they're always

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right. So that was my first exposure to disability. And immediately, I was enamored with something

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associated with it. Maybe I couldn't pinpoint it at the time, still maybe can't pinpoint it exactly.

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But I think maybe in a world where you have a lot of pressure from external

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sources, it was really refreshing to just have people that really cared for your time. And they

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kind of accepted you as who you were. So around similar ages, maybe when a lot of my friends did

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start drinking mid high school, that made me pretty mad. I'm not sure exactly why. I was working with

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a lot of people with disabilities. And I was like, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do that.

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I was working with a lot of people with disabilities, and I felt like they were dealt an unfair card.

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And I was mad that my friends who weren't were maybe wasting their abilities to a degree. So that

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made me angry. So the transition to college wasn't great, because obviously at college, it's a huge

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part of it. So I'm not sure I really found anyone at university that was, maybe I didn't make enough

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like me, and that I just really wanted to study, and I really wanted to do well. And I really wanted

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to help those kids that I was working with in Special Olympics. But when I was 19, my next door

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neighbors that I grew up with both passed away about like six months apart from one another.

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So Will in a car accident, and then Leah from cancer six months later. And at that time,

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I transferred, so I commuted to school, kind of needed to be out of that environment. And I

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started working full time as a behavioral therapist for one of the kids. And yeah, I don't, I guess

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it was just like ingrained in me from there that my role was to help other people instead of myself.

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And so maybe like you have never spoken to anyone about it, have never dealt with maybe anything

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that kind of ingrained some of these thought processes in my mind. And maybe along some along

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the way somewhere, I became like addicted to my work. I don't know if that obviously not conflating

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it to drug alcohol addiction. But yeah, for the last eight years, maybe less so in the last year

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and a half after my son was born, and I've worked hard to try to prioritize time with him. But maybe

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for the first six years of owning my gym, pretty much everything revolved around work. And I think

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I was just using it to distract myself and using it as a way to not have to address anything that

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was bothering me. So running probably is similar in some ways. I like you, you said like when you're

364
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:10,240
outside, you feel connected to people, I always kind of have a mantra in my mind when I'm racing

365
00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:15,920
that it's like a privilege to suffer. There's a lot of people I work with, I can't run. Obviously,

366
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:21,600
my friends who passed away don't have the opportunity to do these things. Feel a lot of guilt about that.

367
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:29,520
And so I wonder if like work and running can be an unhealthy addiction. And if so, whether that

368
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:36,800
should be addressed or whether it should be leveraged? Yeah, you know, it's a good question.

369
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:42,720
It's a good topic to discuss, right? I think what the thing that I heard from you that resonated

370
00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:49,760
with me is what I was talking about before is clarity and perspective, right? So you had an

371
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:59,520
unfortunate accident which took you off of the basketball court. And then you worked with special

372
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:05,520
needs kids, right? And that gave you a perspective that gave you clarity on the world that other kids

373
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:11,120
your age didn't have. And it will change you. You know, if you're willing to let it change you,

374
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:16,560
it will. Like some things like that have such a dramatic effect and that it changes you forever.

375
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:22,000
And but that's in a good way. There's other stuff that's in a bad way. I think you said,

376
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:26,160
you know, I'm not conflating it with kind of what I've been through or whatever. And what I say is,

377
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:39,120
it's not a contest. You know, we all have things. And we just always try to do our best. We try to

378
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:45,200
get to a point where we understand everything in moderation. Specifically for me, I have a very

379
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:50,720
addictive personality so I can get caught up in things. And I have to always kind of remind myself

380
00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:55,360
of like, okay, is this healthy? Is this too much? Is this whatever, right? So just like maybe you're

381
00:37:55,360 --> 00:38:01,440
asking yourself those questions. But the only person I think that holds the answers to those

382
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:07,680
are your wife. You know, are you being the person you need to be for her and at home?

383
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:13,680
And if the answer is to some degree no, then it's a conversation that you have to be willing to be

384
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:20,080
open to and change for. I think that every person on earth should go to counseling.

385
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:25,840
I think it is therapeutic to talk about anything, you know, your relationship with your dog.

386
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:34,160
Like it's just because I think, you know, we oftentimes just don't really know if it's

387
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:38,240
quote, normal to have some of the thoughts we have, and then we question them maybe like,

388
00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:42,160
do other people think like this? Do other? And I hate that term normal. But the point is, I mean,

389
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:47,920
it couldn't hurt, you know, an hour a week with someone that you trust to talk through some of

390
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:53,680
these questions and issues and have them kind of ask you some very pointed questions. Be willing

391
00:38:53,680 --> 00:39:00,960
to be open to the process and the truth. Yeah. So, you know, I mean, you're, you're doing what

392
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:05,520
you needed to do to get by and survive. I think that's what we do as humans, you know,

393
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:10,800
luckily for you, these are pretty healthy activities, but there is such a thing as too much,

394
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:18,160
right? It is great though, that you, you have that experience and you're doing what you're doing.

395
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:25,680
And it's interesting that you say like, you use that as motivation, because you say, well,

396
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:31,760
other people can't do this. So I know that I'm lucky. And I really like that, you know,

397
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,280
I really like that having the ability to know that is a gift.

398
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:39,600
Yeah, I don't know if like, it's something that's popped in my head. And I don't know if it's

399
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:44,480
grounded at anything. But sometimes I think that, and there's people that are a lot more successful

400
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:50,560
than me and work a lot less than me. So it's not like I have some magic formula to success. I'm

401
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:57,920
far from that. But part of me, maybe says to myself that if I were better, then I wouldn't work as

402
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:04,560
hard. Or if I didn't have that like self induced pressure that I wouldn't work as hard. So I think

403
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:11,120
that I wouldn't work as hard and then things wouldn't be as they are now. So it's been a

404
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:18,240
hesitancy to maybe resolve some of those things, because I can identify how they've been beneficial

405
00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:23,200
in my professional career. But they're definitely not beneficial in my personal life.

406
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:28,800
Yeah. And I think, but you know what, that's the journey that we have the gift to live.

407
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:37,920
Everything is a gift. So I hear people say before, every time you say, I have to replace it with I

408
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:45,040
can. So like, you're like, I have to go to the grocery store. I can go to the grocery store. I

409
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:49,440
have money, I can buy food off the shelf, I can feed my kids, you know, I can drive myself there.

410
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:56,000
You know, I have to pick my kids up from practice, you know, I can pick my kids up from practice. I

411
00:40:56,000 --> 00:41:00,560
have kids, they're healthy, they're able to play sports, like, there are always ways you can take

412
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:07,280
those types of things in their everyday life. And for me, what I what I say to people is, you'll

413
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:14,640
hear people say like, you never know how to live until you die. And what that refers to is people

414
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:19,520
on their deathbed saying, I wish I spent more time with my kids, I wish I didn't work as much, I wish

415
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:26,880
I didn't work as much, I wish I didn't. In that moment, they now know how to live. They know what

416
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:32,240
is most important and how they should have lived. Well, people who suffer from addiction and mental

417
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:37,520
illness to the point where we've been suicidal passively or actively, or we have not wanted to

418
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:44,880
be here, or we've been so deep with no hope. When you get a chance to get back into this world and

419
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:51,360
thrive, man, everything is different. It's just different, you know, like, I know that I am

420
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:57,360
appreciative of this minute right here. I'm not guaranteed five minutes from now. I'm not guaranteed

421
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:05,200
tomorrow. Take the trip, you know, work less, do the thing, you know, because I know I've been there,

422
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:14,240
you know, I know how bad it can be. And because of that, things that I would have many years ago

423
00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:20,880
considered to be big deals are trivial. Yeah, it's a pressure of like, wanting to provide for your

424
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:28,240
family. And then I got in this environment where it was pressure to serve our clients and our members,

425
00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:34,800
or it was to coach our Special Olympics basketball program. And it's like, there's always someone

426
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:42,080
relying on you, which is a great thing to have. It's a really fortunate position to be in, but

427
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:50,240
I can't pretend that it's not somewhat challenging position to be in. Yeah. Well, you know, like I

428
00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:57,120
said, I mean, I think for you, you know, you're young, and you're successful, and you're on your

429
00:42:57,120 --> 00:43:02,720
journey, right? The important part of I think what I hear you saying is that I'm asking myself tough

430
00:43:02,720 --> 00:43:09,760
questions about the model in which I'm living my life, you know, and that's all we can do, right?

431
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:16,480
Not be hard on ourselves, right? But just say openly and honestly, like, you know, am I liking

432
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:23,040
this? Am I, you know, am I missing out on other things? Am I doing this? And, you know, and then

433
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:30,640
kind of change as, you know, you or your wife or whoever else is your system for truth and honesty.

434
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:38,320
And because, you know, I'm with the addictive personality, like I have, I'm the same way,

435
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:45,600
you know, but the one thing I have learned for me specifically is what I thought I had to be was

436
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:51,440
completely unselfish in life. And what I now know is that I have to be entirely selfish

437
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:56,880
in order to be unselfish for other people. Like if I don't get my sleep in, if I don't get my

438
00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:01,360
workouts in, if I'm not eating right, if I'm not, you know, my medication, like all of those things,

439
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:07,200
if they're not balanced, and I'm not in balance, you know, around my house, you know, my boys or

440
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:11,200
my wife, you know, I got to get a run in. And we've got a big day, we're going to be out and

441
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:14,800
about all that stuff like that. I got to get a run in, you know, this morning, got to get rid of

442
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:20,160
that angst and anxiety. They let, they know that I have to have that. And they know if they give me

443
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:25,680
those things, then I'm, I'm the person they need to be everywhere else. You know, now I'm out and

444
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:29,520
about with them and I don't have that angst I have inside if I haven't gotten my run in or whatever,

445
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:36,960
right? And I'm not short and snippy with them. You know, yeah. So like they, yeah. Right. So

446
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:41,920
I mean, but they, they, they know that and they support it because they see when they do that,

447
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:49,200
they get great results from me. And, you know, I think we, with, you know, what you're doing,

448
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:54,960
and a lot of what we see in the world, you know, I am bipolar type two, right? That's my diagnosis.

449
00:44:54,960 --> 00:45:01,440
I take three medications a day. And then I take a thyroid medication too, because my thyroid was

450
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:08,560
up. So four medications a day I got to take. I never believed in a million years, five years ago,

451
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:15,440
I could feel the way I do today. I just had a medication change. Just changed the milligram

452
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:20,960
I take per day, like five weeks ago. As I get older and my testosterone levels come down and

453
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:26,320
other stuff changes, I need to be in tune with my body. I'm sober, I'm clear, all of that stuff. I

454
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:30,720
can feel this. So I am, and I need to bring that feedback back to my psychiatrist and my wife and

455
00:45:30,720 --> 00:45:36,320
triangulate those. So I never in a million years thought that I could get where I'm at right now.

456
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:40,000
I didn't know it was possible for me to feel like this. I had no idea it existed. I didn't know how

457
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:46,960
bad I was suffering. But, you know, I'm covered under the ADA, Americans with Disabilities Act,

458
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:51,280
right? And multiple other, you know, severe anxiety disorders, those types of things, right? So

459
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:55,680
if I need accommodations for work, they have to be given to me.

460
00:45:55,680 --> 00:46:01,920
People with what we call hidden disabilities, which is me, right? My life isn't easy, man.

461
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:06,400
You know, living in my head is not easy and living the life I have to live is not easy.

462
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:10,960
It's better than I ever could imagine. And I have bad days and I have bad weeks and sometimes I have

463
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:17,680
bad months. But I know that I'm blessed to be here and to be sober and be surrounded by the

464
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:24,000
people that I am. But when we talk about going into a gym setting or working or things like that,

465
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:29,680
you know, when you've got anxiety or you go in bipolar depressive episode, you're walking into a

466
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:36,720
gym, the global gym, something like that, to work out all the bright lights, all the equipment,

467
00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:43,840
all the people looking, all sorts of stuff. No way. Absolutely not. So, you know, when we talk

468
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:50,240
about safe places for people with disabilities, we have to understand it's not just physical

469
00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:57,040
disabilities. We have to give people a place that is safe and understanding and empathetic for

470
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:03,120
mental health issues that they might be going through. Because they should not be

471
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:09,520
viewed as different. You know, like when you're going through a tough time in mental health

472
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:16,320
standpoint, your mind is attacking you 24 hours a day, even in your sleep. And you might not be

473
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:22,800
sleeping at all. You know, you're just constantly under attack. And to go out in public and function

474
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:31,200
and do stuff is hard. But the thing that you need the most in that moment is a damn good workout.

475
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:38,240
Right? Like that will quiet your mind. That will get you to a point when you're like, okay.

476
00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:42,560
And also, you know, as you know, it builds confidence. Okay, I got my workout in today.

477
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:47,440
I know I'm struggling. I know everything is hard, but I got to work out it. Right? And you get a

478
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:52,480
little bit of confidence. Okay, I can do this. You know, I can do this. So, you know, we need to be

479
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:58,720
more conscious, I think, of that. I think it's hard to do. But if I'm going into a gym in which I know

480
00:47:58,720 --> 00:48:04,400
I have friends or trainers or other people who get it, understand that I might not be at my best,

481
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:10,560
but I still just need a workout and some love and compassion and support. And, you know, that's a

482
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:15,120
good model. Right? We need more of that. Yeah, the CrossFit community has obviously been

483
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:20,960
a real strong pillar of the importance of bringing people together in a fitness space.

484
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:28,960
Yeah, you can critique training methodologies, etc. But you can't deny the fact that they brought

485
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:33,360
community to fitness and they were probably one of the first ones that did so. I think it's like

486
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:38,800
finding striking that balance between I think some people are intimidated by the persona that's

487
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:44,160
CrossFit has adopted once you get in there. I'm sure it's completely different. But I know like

488
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:50,400
for us, yeah, but I know like for us at our facility, we've had a lot of people that

489
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:54,720
come to us because they see that we work with disabilities. They assume that our staff are

490
00:48:54,720 --> 00:49:00,320
empathetic or willing to modify for them, make necessary adaptations. And they don't have a

491
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:04,720
disability themselves, but they say like, oh, these, I want to get into like my fitness journey. I

492
00:49:04,720 --> 00:49:10,240
don't like you mentioned, you want to go to one of those like Globo gyms. So that's where like the

493
00:49:10,240 --> 00:49:16,480
value of inclusion doesn't and accessibility, I guess, doesn't just benefit the people with

494
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:23,200
physical disabilities, but it kind of benefits all populations, a lot of populations at least.

495
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:27,840
So I think that's where like creating a welcoming and inclusive community has

496
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:33,360
allowed us to train people of all abilities. Yeah, you know, I really didn't think about that,

497
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:36,720
but that's a good point, right? I mean, if you're creating that environment, and they know it's a

498
00:49:36,720 --> 00:49:41,600
very accepting environment, people who are really out of shape or have maybe confidence issues or

499
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:45,760
things like that, like they will, they'd be more willing to go to that gym because they understand,

500
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:49,920
okay, the staff here gets it, right? They work with people, you know, and they're empathetic,

501
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:53,680
and there's love and compassion and stuff. You know, I mean, and you're right about CrossFit,

502
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:58,480
it's really, you know, the barrier is really in the, you know, the scaries of like, oh my

503
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:02,400
god, these people are crazy. I mean, if you go into a gym, like a CrossFit gym, most workouts,

504
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:08,480
you'll find almost everybody's over 40. Half of them are women, right? Every different look

505
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:13,520
and walk of life and not any of them are crazy, like fitness freaks. Like when I was doing it,

506
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:18,960
I was right. Because that's how I approach everything. But what I also knew at the time

507
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:23,040
for me is that if somebody walked through that door knew I was the first one to greet them,

508
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:27,280
I was going to talk to them throughout the workout because I know looking at me and watching me do a

509
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:32,640
workout was going to be crazy intimidating for them. So I wanted to say, hey, I'm Ken, blah, blah,

510
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:35,840
welcome. We're so glad to have you. And then at the end, be like, what'd you think? You know,

511
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:41,600
we'd love to see you again. I think, you know, in that model, we call it the family or the community.

512
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:46,160
It's very much expected for the senior members or the ones that could be intimidating to be the ones

513
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:50,560
that are the most welcoming, to set the standard for how things happen in here. But you got to get

514
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:54,880
somebody in the door first. That's the hardest part, right? When they have that thing in their

515
00:50:54,880 --> 00:51:00,240
head. But yeah, it's the family. It's the community. You know, I know some, you know,

516
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:04,000
it was struggling in and out like some of those first years when I was doing it.

517
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:09,760
When I wouldn't show up for a week, the trainer, a couple other people in the class,

518
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:15,120
they'd reach out to me. Hey, where you been? Blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? And I'm

519
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:22,240
getting over a bender and could barely get out of bed. You know, and it was it's just nice to go

520
00:51:22,240 --> 00:51:27,440
into a place where you feel loved. I think we all just want to be seen, right? And feel loved,

521
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:32,880
right? And I think, you know, what you're trying to build here, why I respect it so much is exactly

522
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:39,600
that, you know, fitness is the key to so many things. And you don't have to be crazy fit.

523
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:45,600
It just has to be part of your routine. It does help settle you down. It does help build the

524
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:51,040
confidence. No one's saying you've got to be a Greek god or goddess. No one's saying you've got

525
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:56,800
to be all of these things. We're just saying because for you and for me, it has been really

526
00:51:56,800 --> 00:52:02,880
healing and helpful over time. We just want other people to benefit from it like we did.

527
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:09,040
And that's why now like, you know, you talked about me speaking, like I speak to my local high

528
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:14,800
school to all of their health classes every year. The senior health classes, I speak in other places.

529
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:22,720
And now I tell the dirty grimy story of like, all of it. And it's really, really impactful,

530
00:52:22,720 --> 00:52:32,240
you know, the kids tend to love it, the feedback is great. And the message is really at the very

531
00:52:32,240 --> 00:52:39,920
basic level, we've all got shit going on. You know, even you looked at me in school, I was an

532
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:44,640
all state soccer player, I dated the pretty girl in school, got good grades, like I had it all going

533
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:49,040
on, right? Like, unless you knew me or my close friends, you had no idea what the hell was going

534
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:56,880
on in my house. You have to understand that like, everybody's got a story. And in high school,

535
00:52:56,880 --> 00:53:03,680
especially when like, it can be really hard because it's so everything's clicks, right? And

536
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:08,640
the kids that are struggling with anxiety want the popular ones is no chance they are looking at the

537
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:14,080
quarterback on the football team. And realizing that he, you know, is taking medication for

538
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:18,400
depression, or struggles with anxiety, you know, it's the farthest thing from their mind, there's

539
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:24,160
no chance that could happen. And I see it, I see them talk to me all the time. It is. So, you know,

540
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:28,800
we just, you know, I know you do this in your gym, it's just, we just have open arms for everybody

541
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:32,960
and a lot of empathy and, and no judging, right? Understanding everyone's got something going on.

542
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:37,360
And I want to meet you where you're at. And I just want to be an ally. I think that's been one of the

543
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:44,400
the worst side effects of social media, maybe is that it's always just the positives of people's

544
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:50,960
lives. And it just like conditions that feedback loop of everyone's doing great. And maybe I'm not.

545
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:58,320
Or every everyone has this these things going for them, and I'm struggling with this. So I think

546
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:04,480
it's tough for kids growing up right now in the thick of that. They don't know how to process that

547
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:12,400
stuff. And social media has only exacerbated it. Yeah. And you know, like, so two years ago, just

548
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:16,480
over two years ago, I lost my best friend, the kid that I said that we started doing drugs together

549
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:20,480
when I was 14, he lived in my neighborhood, best friend since like age five, he was never able to

550
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:26,240
get sober. He ended up an addict like me shocker. And we used to use together. And then he was never

551
00:54:26,240 --> 00:54:32,640
able to get sober and he OD right before Christmas two years ago. And the the thing that I get the

552
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:37,040
most from other people when I see them are at the wake or at the funeral, you know, I gave his eulogy,

553
00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:41,920
right? I mean, he's just we could not have been better friends is that they were like,

554
00:54:42,720 --> 00:54:48,800
like his Facebook posts, he was doing so well. This that you know what I mean? It's like, and I

555
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:53,040
would see his Facebook posts and think to myself, you know, come on, like, I know you're really

556
00:54:53,040 --> 00:54:57,280
struggling. And you're putting this out there. And you know, I wish because I am on Facebook,

557
00:54:57,280 --> 00:55:01,680
you know, people will tell you or whatever you can look at my page. I talk about when I struggle,

558
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:06,000
I talk about my disease, I talk about my addiction, I talk about all that stuff. And I say,

559
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:10,800
I just want you all to know when you look at me and my wife and the happy and the beautiful boys

560
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:15,680
and the happy family, that there's a story and that I still struggle here and there and that's

561
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:23,280
okay. And, and I wish we would be more accepting of people's stories. And I wish more people would

562
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:29,760
be willing to share their story. But you know, everybody's just afraid to be judged. And I get

563
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:36,960
that hard. Yeah, I think I sometimes hesitant to share things on social media, because I, I

564
00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:43,440
understand the repercussion that it might have for someone else who's like approaching it from that

565
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:48,800
lens of this person's doing great. And I'm not, again, not to say that I'm the shining example of

566
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:56,240
success. But like, I don't want to portray something that seems so pure. And there's nothing

567
00:55:56,240 --> 00:56:01,280
inherently wrong with it. But I, I just don't want people to feel like they're not doing well,

568
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:05,120
and other people are doing that. So I feel like sometimes I'm hesitant to share.

569
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:10,960
I hear that. I mean, I think that, you know, you're doing something really good here,

570
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:14,240
and as it pertains to your business, and what you're doing here, and all that, I think that's

571
00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:19,200
stuff you need to share. But I think we also can have a healthy doses like, listen, my life's not

572
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:24,160
perfect, I've got plenty of stuff going on, blah, blah, blah. But you know, what we're doing over

573
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:31,280
here is really special. And because getting more people into the doors of your gym can only help

574
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:32,080
the world, right?

575
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:36,400
How would you gauge the efficacy of your speaking?

576
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:43,440
Well, I mean, you want me to read a couple snippets of what people said?

577
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:45,040
Yeah, if you haven't read them.

578
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:51,440
These are the first, this was the first year that they actually got feedback through like a Google

579
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:59,360
form. And there was 60 pieces of feedback, and they were all very similar. I'll read you a couple.

580
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:57,920
a different period we're hanging out

581
00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:03,440
they were all very similar. I'll read you a couple. I thought the presentation was

582
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:06,160
I thought the presentation was incredible. I mean, this is a 45 minute presentation, right?

583
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:08,040
incredible. I mean this is a 45 minute presentation, right? I thought the

584
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:10,880
I thought the presentation was incredible. I am so, so grateful we had this opportunity.

585
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:12,600
presentation was incredible. I am so so grateful we had this opportunity. As

586
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:15,040
As someone whose childhood has also been affected by someone with mental health and substance abuse

587
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:15,640
someone whose childhood has also been affected by someone with mental health

588
00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:20,760
and substance abuse struggles, I really felt so seen. Me and one of my best

589
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:24,000
friends who was in a different period were hanging out over the weekend and

590
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:27,720
for probably 45 minutes we sat in my car and just talked about how incredible

591
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:31,640
the presentation was. The whole presentation was so impactful so thank

592
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:37,920
you so much. This is the senior, right? Who is basically at the point where

593
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:41,800
they've got senioritis. They've been accepted into school. Nothing matters

594
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:45,800
from here on out. They could have only done one sentence and almost every

595
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:50,400
single person, 60 of them, did a paragraph. One more. I thought the

596
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:54,200
presentation was very enlightening. I met Mr. Walsh over the summer and he briefly

597
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:57,720
shared his story with me. I knew from that moment that he was going to share

598
00:57:57,720 --> 00:58:01,840
an incredible story with our class. As someone who has struggled with clinical

599
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:05,960
depression and anxiety for my whole life, I truly resonated with some of the

600
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:09,840
struggles in his life. I have taken away from his speech that when my parents

601
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:13,640
ask about how I'm doing and if I'm feeling depressed, I need to be honest

602
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:17,880
with them and seek the help that I need but maybe don't want at that point in

603
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:22,280
time. I want to thank Mr. Walsh so much for his bravery and sharing his past. It

604
00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:25,560
has truly changed the way I think about my mental health and the mental health

605
00:58:25,560 --> 00:58:30,640
of those around me. Those are pretty powerful because you want like action. I

606
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:36,120
feel like sometimes with like the motivational speaking, it has substance

607
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:42,520
but it doesn't always elicit action. Yeah, well I mean and that's like I told you

608
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:45,600
before, you know, there's kind of a certain themes and what did I learn and

609
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:50,440
the biggest one is self-accountability. You know, like when you're struggling,

610
00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:53,160
you got to own that. You got to ask for help. You got to chase down the

611
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:56,240
resources. No one's gonna come to save you. It's great to have a group of people

612
00:58:56,240 --> 00:59:00,440
around you that support you but even in the absence of that, you got to stand up

613
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:05,760
and you got to fight, right? That's just the way it is and so like that, that girl

614
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:08,720
I talk about, you know, listening to the people around you. Like I talk about my

615
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:12,680
wife and the dialogue we have and how helpful she is to understand behavior

616
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:16,600
changes on my side because with mental health, it happens so gradually that I

617
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:21,400
can't pick up on small things until it's too late. She will see them well before I

618
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:25,400
can, you know, weeks before I can and she's that barometer, right? She's that

619
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:31,160
like hurricane or sorry tornado siren or something, you know, that goes

620
00:59:31,160 --> 00:59:36,720
off. So, you know, I talk about that. I talk about empathy and understanding for

621
00:59:36,720 --> 00:59:39,600
those around us and understanding people are going through struggles that we

622
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:44,480
don't know about. So yeah, we talk about, I talk about loss. I talk about how we

623
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:47,840
need to remember people lost from addiction and mental health, that these

624
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:51,480
are people that are dying from like deadly diseases and courageous fights

625
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:55,080
against a deadly disease and when we remember somebody that dies

626
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:59,720
by cancer, we always say, oh, you know, they fought a courageous battle against a

627
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:03,320
deadly disease and we remember them for how they lived, right? And then we have

628
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:11,680
somebody we lose to suicide or mental or drug or alcohol, we remember them by how

629
01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:17,480
they died. You know, we never say, oh, they've, you know, they were amazing,

630
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:21,280
like, blah, blah, blah. They, you know, every time I talk to people like, you

631
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:25,520
know, suicide survivors, we call ourselves. So, you know, someone who lose, I'll talk

632
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:28,640
with them as part of like, people will reach out and say, hey, can you come talk

633
01:00:28,640 --> 01:00:32,520
to them? And, and I'll say, you know, tell me about Bob, you know, and they'll say,

634
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:36,600
oh, he was, he's drinking too much and he was depressed. I'm like, no, no, hold on,

635
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:42,480
wait, like, tell me about Bob, like, how did Bob live? Right? Oh, he was the best

636
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:47,720
husband. Oh, he's a great father and he loved animals and you can see they smile,

637
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:54,840
right? You know, like, why is their go-to the way they struggled and died? We've

638
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:58,840
conditioned that in society as opposed to like how they lived and then say, well,

639
01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:02,320
yeah, I mean, we lost them after a courageous battle against a deadly

640
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:06,280
disease because that's what it is because the people we lose to mental

641
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:13,600
illness and alcohol and drug abuse, the stats on those people dwarf the amount

642
01:01:13,600 --> 01:01:19,120
of people we lose to cancer. I mean, it's not even close. It's like triple or more

643
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:24,880
in cases. So like, how do we remember the people we lost to these? Can we

644
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:28,840
remember them with dignity and kindness and respect? And then that way other

645
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:32,080
people who are struggling, be willing to raise their hand and say, I'm struggling

646
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:36,080
because now we view them differently than we did. And now I'm more willing to

647
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:38,720
raise my hand and say, I'm struggling because I don't think people will judge

648
01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:43,200
me. Like, how do we change the conversation about these things that are

649
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:48,240
so stigmatizing? And you know, even small things like a lot of people say, oh, you

650
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:54,200
know, they committed suicide or killed themselves, right? And we're like, well,

651
01:01:54,200 --> 01:01:58,760
let's try to go away from that. Like, we try to say died by suicide, lost to

652
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:03,360
suicide, blah, blah, that type of stuff, because those other ways to describe it

653
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:08,080
come with these negative connotations, these verbs that are so like, oh, heavy.

654
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:12,600
And so we try to like change that. So like, I weave all of that kind of into

655
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:19,040
the story about, you know, where I've come from, what I went through. Like I

656
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:23,360
said, it's a long time. I mean, there's a lot there. And but most importantly,

657
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:26,120
like what I've learned and the lessons that I've learned in the way that I'd

658
01:02:26,120 --> 01:02:33,040
like them to view people themselves, society, and these diseases. And I cry,

659
01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:38,040
you know, like I talk about how I lost my sister or my mom or my dad, when you

660
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:41,840
saw that before, like that happens every time. And I tell them like, when I tell

661
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:45,440
you this story, I'm going to cry. I'm going to fight back tears. Like I know

662
01:02:45,440 --> 01:02:49,520
right now that makes me a real man. I didn't know that years ago. I was afraid

663
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:53,880
to show that side. But this is raw. This is my life. This is the way it happened.

664
01:02:53,880 --> 01:03:01,080
And people that if you're talking about absorbing what it means to them, and how

665
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:05,400
they can turn it into action, it's got to be emotional. It's got to be raw. And

666
01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:07,000
it's got to be passionate. Right?

667
01:03:08,560 --> 01:03:13,520
Yeah, I think we already answered the, the theme of like how to make fitness

668
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:19,000
more accessible from this lens of making sure you're more welcoming, creating an

669
01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:24,880
accessible, inclusive, empathetic environment, understanding that invisible

670
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:27,400
disabilities, hidden disabilities, whatever you want to call it. I know

671
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:31,960
there's some, some debate in terms of what the most appropriate terminology is

672
01:03:31,960 --> 01:03:37,480
for that. Understanding, understanding that those exist. Understanding that

673
01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:43,160
inclusion is not just physical disabilities. But it's creating a place

674
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:48,000
where people feel a sense of belonging and they feel included and supported.

675
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:53,280
So I think that is the most applicable takeaway weaving this conversation. And

676
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:57,760
with the accessibility of fitness and when we talk about it, accessibility of

677
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:02,800
fitness and we look at Down syndrome and CP and physical disabilities, but

678
01:04:02,800 --> 01:04:07,280
there's a lot more to it. And I think this conversation addressed those things.

679
01:04:08,320 --> 01:04:12,080
Yeah. And I mean, all in the same place too, right? Like that's what you were

680
01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:16,320
talking about about your gym, right? It's not just for people with disabilities.

681
01:04:16,320 --> 01:04:20,000
Right? So like when you create these places that are only for certain groups

682
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:24,320
of people, you know, then that doesn't foster the inclusion and the belonging

683
01:04:24,320 --> 01:04:26,640
you're talking about. You're saying people are walking through your doors

684
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:31,120
because they just don't want to be judged. So now you've got quote normal

685
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:34,160
people. I hate that term, but my point is like, they don't have disabilities.

686
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:39,280
They're, you know, and they're in the same place. And now it's not just a place

687
01:04:39,280 --> 01:04:44,640
for people with disabilities, right? It's a place where there's empathy and love

688
01:04:44,640 --> 01:04:50,960
and understanding and no judgment. And I think that is most important because

689
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:54,720
people with disabilities don't just want to be known as people with disabilities.

690
01:04:54,720 --> 01:04:59,440
They just want to be normal people, but be, but have places they can go and fit

691
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:04,640
in. Yeah. It's tough. Cause like, if, if you were a member at my gym, everyone

692
01:05:05,120 --> 01:05:10,480
would categorize you in that, in that normal group, unless you, unless you

693
01:05:10,480 --> 01:05:14,240
readily shared your story with everyone at our facility or that it's not like

694
01:05:14,240 --> 01:05:18,720
you're that if you share it all with the people at your CrossFit box, but yeah,

695
01:05:18,720 --> 01:05:23,760
that just goes to show that there's a lot more underneath the surface for

696
01:05:23,760 --> 01:05:28,400
everyone. And I do share in the gym or whatever, because I want, I want people

697
01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:31,520
to know that. But most people when they look at me, they, yeah, they wouldn't,

698
01:05:31,520 --> 01:05:34,320
you know, they look at me, they wouldn't think it and I want them, I want them to

699
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:39,200
think it, you know, I want them to say, holy shit, he that, that stereotype,

700
01:05:39,600 --> 01:05:43,600
that's not the person that I thought. And when they have that moment, that's

701
01:05:43,600 --> 01:05:47,280
exactly what we're trying to do. Fight the stigma, fight the stereotype and say,

702
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:49,840
this could be anyone, anywhere. And it doesn't discriminate.

703
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:54,960
Thank you for listening to the AdaptX podcast. Our effort to amplify the ideas

704
01:05:54,960 --> 01:05:58,080
of our guests and create more inclusive and accessible industries is futile

705
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:01,600
unless these episodes reach a larger audience. If you enjoyed our discussion

706
01:06:01,600 --> 01:06:05,440
today, please leave us a rating or review on whichever platform you use.

707
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:08,320
And if you would like to learn more about AdaptX, the course that we teach to

708
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:11,200
health and fitness professionals in the projects that our organization is

709
01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:14,160
working on, you can subscribe to our newsletter through our website,

710
01:06:14,160 --> 01:06:42,160
www.adaptex.org. Until next Monday.