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This is Retro Sports Radio.

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Visit RetroSeasons.com for more sports history.

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Let us fly backward in fancy.

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The place, the lobby of the Edgewater Beach Hotel.

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The time, shortly after the first game of the season.

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You remember Warren, I was huddled over a radiator,

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reading your account of the ball game

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when you stepped up to me and said,

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Frank, can I see you a minute?

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Well, Warren Brown,

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what are you huddling over the steam for?

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Boy, I'm cold.

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It was freezing at that ballpark.

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Wanna pull up a radiator and join me?

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No, not me, I'm hot.

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That show off Greenberg would have to hit a double

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with two men on base.

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Oh, he really took a hold of that one, didn't he?

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The wind hadn't been blowing so hard,

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that ball still be going.

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Well, he sure caused me a lot of extra work.

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What do you mean?

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Well, I had my story written the night before

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that the Cubs had won.

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Warren, you're so imprudent, you should check with me.

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Every time that Greenberg comes to Wrigley Field,

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he upsets everything.

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He did it in the World Series in 1945, he always does.

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He haunts the Cubs.

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Well, I hope it's nothing temporary.

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It really looks though like Wrigley Field

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is lucky for Greenberg, doesn't it?

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Well, Bing, if you get rained out 153 more games,

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your Pittsburgh team will probably win the pennant.

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I just want you to know, Warren,

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that I bear you no antipathy for your biased attitude.

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And you know what I did for you?

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I went out and bought a copy of your book,

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The Chicago Cubs.

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I bought it out at the ball game yesterday.

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Did you read it?

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Well, when I got to page three,

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then I made a bond file of it to keep from freezing to death.

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I noticed that smoke.

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I thought it was Bob Hope sending up signals

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to the Cleveland Indians.

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Ha.

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Ha.

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Ha.

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Ha.

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Ha.

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Ha.

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By the way, Bing, do you know that all the time

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Cleveland was training out in California,

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Hope didn't go out to see the Indians play one game?

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Well, Warren, Bob didn't know that he'd bought a ball team.

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He thought he purchased the blanket concession at Albuquerque.

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Besides, he's afraid to go out to a ball park.

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He was hit with a baseball when he was a child.

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His Indian name is Chief Lump on the head.

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Oh, that explains everything.

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You are so right, Warren.

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So right.

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I'm glad you see it our way.

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Yeah.

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Well, let's get back to you.

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How did you ever happen to sell Greenberg

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the idea of going to work for the Pirates?

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Why, it had nothing to do with that.

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No?

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Well, let me ask you this.

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Is it true that after every ball game,

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you have to run up to his room and give him a rub down?

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Oh, that's so much fiddle faddle, Warren.

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I know.

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I know.

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I never did fiddle faddle, Warren.

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I never did.

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This is merely a vicious rumor

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started by old Chief Lump on the head.

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Oh.

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Is that so?

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Well, it's a fact, isn't it,

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that you personally knit all of Greenberg's sweatshirts?

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Oh, this is the grossest libel I've ever run into.

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You may lay that report too to old Bulge on the Bean.

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I'm not so sure.

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Isn't that Greenberg coming across the lobby now?

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Well, it's either Greenberg or the Palmolive building.

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Hey, Hank.

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Hank.

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Oh, hello, Warren.

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Hello, Vice-President.

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How are you doing?

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Well, Hank you sure played a great game today.

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Oh, I did nothing, Bing.

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Yeah, we got to nothing.

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What does he churches are always doing

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how much would you state take to stay away from Chicago.

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Stay away from Chicago?

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I love Chicago.

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So do I.

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That's why I want you to stay away from him,

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You know, Hank, Warren is really a ardent cub-rooter.

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Well the cubs are a great team.

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You know, Warren, every time I step up to the bat here, I say to myself, wouldn't it

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be wonderful if I can do it again?

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You sure did it today, Hank.

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Well, it was nice to see you, Warren.

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Come on, Vice-President, let's get upstairs.

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I'm really stiff from the cold weather.

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I need a good rubdown tonight.

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Rubdown?

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Just a minute, Crosby.

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I just had a few bottles of liniment left over after I sold the horses, you know what

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I mean?

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Say, you better not mention horses in front of a ball player.

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Happy Chandler might be listening.

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Horses?

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What are they?

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The ball players, Hank.

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Horses are four-legged animals that pull milk wagons.

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Especially yours.

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Well, Hank, shall we get going upstairs?

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I've got to keep you in shape.

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By the way, Bing, I meant to tell you, I have plenty of sweatshirts.

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I wonder if you'll start knitting socks now.

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Anything you say, Hank.

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What's your foot size?

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Eighty-five and a half.

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What Greenberg won't do to keep a good ball player?

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Why don't the Cubs have a Vice-President who can sing, knit, and massage?

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Would you fellas mind getting away from that radiator?

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I'm expecting guests for dinner and I've got to steam a sack of clams.

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Well, well, well, you're Groucho Marx or I'm greatly mistaken.

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Glad to know you greatly.

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How's Mrs. Mistaken and all the little mistakes?

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Groucho, this is Warren Brown and Hank Greenberg.

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Which is Greenberg and which is Brown?

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I'm colorblind.

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You know Warren Brown, he's a newspaper man.

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Well, tell him to leave one of my house every morning.

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No, no, he's not that kind of a newspaper man.

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Warren sees the Cubs play every day.

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Well, I guess a man will do anything to make money.

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Go ahead.

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Greenberg, I want to see you about signing up with my ball team.

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Now wait, just a minute Groucho, just a minute here now.

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Wait a minute.

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Don't worry, Crosby, he's never been able to out-knit you.

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Have you got a ball team, Groucho?

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I had a ball team when you were just a babe in Ruth's arms.

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I was a big man in baseball when Happy Chandler was known as Sad Sack.

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Groucho, your team has got to be nothing.

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Listen, Crosby, the Pittsburgh Pirates couldn't even get in the same shower with my team.

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Oh, I don't know about that.

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Well, I do.

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I've got a girl's team.

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Well, not only that, but I'm one of the scrub players.

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Well, that changes the whole picture.

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I'm owner, manager, and trainer of Marx's Bloomer Girls, better known as the Nylon Socks.

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Why Nylon Socks?

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Well, you get more runs that way.

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What a team I've got, a cave on every bag.

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You sign a new picture?

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I just signed a picture.

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I just signed a picture who's a sensation.

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Is she fast?

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I think so.

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She gets in around three o'clock every morning.

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Well, I want to tell you something, Groucho.

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You can't have Greenberg.

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He signed with the Pirates this year.

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Well, he can play for both of us.

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My girls only play night games.

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I'll bet your girls look good in night games.

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Actually, they don't wear night games.

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They wear pajamas.

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Well, Groucho, thanks for your offer, but I don't think I could play with your team.

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Why don't you try to get Hildegard?

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She's on second.

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You better run along, Groucho.

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Hank plays every afternoon baseball for Pittsburgh.

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Your girls play at night.

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Look, an afternoon game at Pittsburgh is like a night game anyplace else.

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All right, Hank, come on, sign this contract and so you'll feel at home is a ballpen.

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Well, that's very flattering, Groucho.

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But wouldn't I look silly playing with a team of bloomer girls?

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My team plays in Snuggies.

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One season with my team and you'll be known as the Eddie Canner of baseball.

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Of course, playing on a girls team, you can't call yourself Hank Greenberg.

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We'll have to change that.

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What did you call me?

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Bob Feller.

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No, that's no good.

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You couldn't have a fellow on a girls team.

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Hank, I'm going out to the ballpark tomorrow and watch you some more.

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Have you got a box seat?

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No, that's just the way my pants hang.

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Say, Groucho, I suppose a lot of your girls got married last year.

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So many of them got married, we ought to have spring training at Niagara Falls.

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Next season, I'm going to let them train in Reno.

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That's a separation center.

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Well, it's a Broughton Barney one.

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It's none of my business, Bing, but I think a girls team would be too slow for Hank.

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Yeah, he's got to have action.

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Action, why in one game, I heavy hitter slapped the ball in the center field.

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He ran it first, slid it in the second, slid back the first, made it the second again,

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then slid back the first and back the second.

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What was the idea?

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Her guidle was caught on first.

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Well, Groucho, I'm afraid I hate to tell you this, but your mission here tonight is

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futile.

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We've got Hank tied up for a year.

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Tied up for a year?

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He won't be able to brush his teeth.

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Anyhow, I have in my pocket a copy of a song I want you to sing.

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Something clever?

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Yeah, it could be.

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I didn't write it.

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It was written by Bill Coram and Harold Smith, and if this song goes over, I'll make a fortune.

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Well, your name isn't on the tune.

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How are you going to make a fortune?

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I've got to take it on the Irish sweepstakes.

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Oh, I'm sorry.

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Anyhow, Bing, this is a song about Greenberg, and if you don't mind, I'll teach it to you

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and vice versa.

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Okay, let's break into song.

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Why not get the key from John Scott Trotter, and we won't have to break it in.

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You're so smart.

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We've heard about those old time dangerous pirates of Captain Kidd and Silver John the

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Long.

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But we prefer those modern dangerous pirates.

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As our victims walk the plank, we sing this song.

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Oh, goodbye, Mr. Ball, goodbye.

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You are going to see an awful lot of sky.

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Don't hang around for Richard to open up that door.

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When Hankus Pankus hits you where you've never been hit before.

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Oh, goodbye, Mr. Ball, goodbye.

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You had better kiss your relatives goodbye.

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When Hank comes to the plate, ball, you're going to be out late.

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So goodbye, Mr. Ball, goodbye.

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Goodbye, Mr. Ball, goodbye.

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Say hello there to the sun up in the sky.

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A plate is mighty handy to eat the lean and fat.

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But not when Hank the Greenberg serves it up with his big bat.

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Oh, goodbye, Mr. Ball, goodbye.

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Go fly till the blue has met the dawn up there so high.

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When Hank gets home run itch, ball, you're going to drop a stitch.

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So goodbye, Mr. Ball, goodbye.

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And that could be finer than a partner like Ralkon are in the outfield.

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And I am confirming that I'll work for Billy Herman in the infield.

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Oh, goodbye, Mr. Ball, goodbye.

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You had better kiss your relatives goodbye.

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Wait a minute.

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When the count is two and oh and I let that third one go, what happens then?

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You're out.

258
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Oh, goodbye, Mr. Hank, goodbye.

259
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:19,600
And furthermore, when I think I've got a hit and it winds up in Slaughter's Mitt, how about

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00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,600
that?

261
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:21,600
Too bad.

262
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Oh, goodbye, Mr. Hank, goodbye.

263
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,600
Oh, Mr. Greenberg, goodbye.

264
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,600
Mr. Hank, goodbye.

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00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,600
There we go.

266
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:42,600
That's it.

267
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:43,600
Anybody hurt?

268
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,280
Bing, I think you ought to play ball for Pittsburgh and let Greenberg do the singing.

269
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,720
I think we'll arrange that first thing in the morning.

270
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,800
I think Bill Corham did pretty good with that.

271
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,920
He picks songs like he picks horses.

272
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,960
I don't know if that's a compliment or not, Warren.

273
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:58,720
But I think goodbye, Mr. Ball, is destined to be a big hit, at least in Pittsburgh.

274
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:03,680
Okay, Bing, but no matter how far Hank socks Mr. Ball, you can always catch the play with

275
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a Philco radio.

276
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,360
Oh, you would bring me.

277
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,320
Remember any Philco you buy this year has got to be tops.

278
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,420
It's brand new from the circuit clear through to the cabinet.

279
00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:18,440
Not just a face lifting job, but scores of vital improvements in power and performance.

280
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:24,080
Yes, even the smallest 1947 Philco table model is designed and built with all the resources

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00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,840
of the world's largest radio manufacturers.

282
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,440
And you can hear the difference, the miniature dialing.

283
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:34,280
Always thinking ahead, Philco gives you tomorrow in your radio set today.

284
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:38,580
So when you buy your new radio or radio phonograph now, look at the leader.

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00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:40,200
Look at a Philco.

286
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,200
Famous for quality, the world over.

287
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:50,080
Well, it appears to be about time to batten down the hatches for this session.

288
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:54,240
But before shoving off, I want to say that we enjoyed our visit out here at Great Lakes.

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Meet all you wonderful fellows.

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You've been a wonderful audience.

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I want to thank George Barnes, Warren Brown, Hank Greenberg and Groucho Marx for coming

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00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:02,860
to bat for us tonight.

293
00:13:02,860 --> 00:13:03,860
Good luck, fellows.

294
00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:24,920
And good night, folks.

