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Well, Costello, I'm going to New York with you.
You know, Bucky Harris, the Yanks manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
Look, Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.
I certainly do.
Well, you know, I never met the guys, so you'll have to tell me their names and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know, Strangely, they give these ballplayers nowadays very peculiar names.
Any funny names?
Strangely, pet names like Dizzy Dean and...
His brother Daffy?
Daffy Dean.
And their French cousin.
French?
Gouffey.
Gouffey Dean, oh, I see.
Well, let's see, we have on the bags, we have who's on first, what's on second, I don't know who's on third.
That's what I want to find out.
I say who's on first, what's on second, I don't know who's on third.
Are you the manager?
Yes.
You're going to be the coach too?
Yes.
And you know the fellow's name?
Oh, I should.
Well, then who's on first?
Yes.
The guy on first.
Who?
The guy playing first.
Who is on first?
I'm asking you who's on first.
That's the man's name.
That's whose name?
Yes.
Well, go ahead and tell me.
That's it.
That's who?
Yes.
Look, you got a first baseman.
Certainly.
Who's playing first?
That's right.
When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Every dollar of it.
All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
Who?
The guy that gets the money.
Look, what I want to know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his
name to contract?
Who?
The guy.
Who?
How does he sign his name?
That's how he signs it.
Who?
Yes.
All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base?
No, what is on second base?
I'm not asking you who's on second.
Who's on first?
One baseman at a time.
Well, that'll change the players a little bit.
I'm not changing nobody.
Take it easy, buddy.
I'm only asking you who's the guy on first base?
That's right.
Okay.
All right.
I mean, what's the guy's name on first base?
No, what is on second?
Who's on first?
I don't know.
Oh, he's on third.
We're not talking about him.
No, let's be honest.
Now, how could I get on third base?
Why, you mentioned his name.
If I mentioned a third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
No, who's playing first?
What's on second?
I don't know.
He's on third.
There I go.
Back on third again.
Look, when you say on third base, it doesn't go off it.
All right.
Now, who's playing third base?
Why do you insist on putting who on third base?
What am I putting on third?
What is on second?
You know who on second?
Who is on first?
I don't know.
Third base!
I just thought I'd ask.
Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Now, tell me who's playing left field.
Who is playing first?
I'm not.
Stay out of the infield!
I want to know what's the guy's name in left field.
No, what is on second?
I'm not asking you who's on second.
Who's on first?
I don't know.
Third base!
And the left field was named?
Why?
Because.
Oh, he's center field.
He is center field!
Look, look, look.
You got a pitcher on the team.
Sure.
The pitcher's name.
Tamara.
You don't want to tell me today?
I'm telling you man.
Go ahead.
Tamara.
What time?
Listen, who is not pitching?
I'll break your arm you say.
Who's on first?
I want to know what's the pitcher's name.
What's on second?
I don't know.
Third base.
You got a catcher?
Certainly.
The catcher's name.
Today.
The Tamara's pitcher.
Now you've got it.
All we got is a couple of days on the left field.
No, I'm a catcher too.
Don't they tell you.
I can be behind the plate and do some fancy catching.
Tamara's pitching on my team and the heavy hitter gets up.
Yes.
Now, the heavy hitter bunched the ball.
When he bunched the ball, me being a good catcher, I'm going to throw the guy out of
first base so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Now that's the first thing you've said right.
I don't even know what I'm talking about.
That's all you have to do.
Just throw the ball to first base.
Yes.
Now who's got it?
Naturally.
Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's got to get it.
Now who hasn't?
Naturally.
Who?
Naturally.
Naturally?
Naturally.
So I pick up the ball and I throw it to natural.
No you don't.
You throw the ball to who?
Naturally.
That's what I said.
Listen, you ask me.
I throw the ball to who?
Naturally.
Now you ask me.
You throw the ball to who?
Naturally.
Same as you.
Don't change the way.
Same as you.
I throw the ball to who?
Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs the second.
Yes.
Who picks up the ball and throws it to what?
What throws it to I don't know.
I don't know, throws it back to Tamara.
Triple play.
Yes.
Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to because.
Why?
I don't know.
He's on third and I don't give a shit.
I don't give a shit.
Oh, that's our shortstop.