Alright, how's it going everyone? Welcome to the Technically Short podcast where
Sean Short and me, Thomas Carney, talk about pretty much any topic under the sun
and with our very different personalities we come up we like to
we'll present our different perspectives different and different
perspective thoughts and experiences that we've had throughout our lives so
without further ado Sean what are we talking about today? Today we're
going to talk about relationships I feel like that's something that everybody
loves to listen on and get an idea of what we want and what is a goal and all
that type of good stuff we're about to dive in deep so grab your coffee grab
your doughnut grab whatever you about to eat or drink and get in a nice comfy
chair because it's about to go down popcorn ready. Alright Shawn, I wrote down a
couple questions there like five minutes ago and not even but uh I'm gonna ask a
question but uh then you can ask me the same question you ask me you can ask me
a different one we can go back and forth whatever um but let's just start off
let's start off with us like this was your question you already brought it up
a little bit um what was it called you brought it up a little bit before before
we started recording but um what do you want or what are you looking for in a
relationship? Okay so for me what I look for in a relationship is a beautiful
woman who's chasing after God who loves me that's like my goal of a relationship
right so if she meets those criteria that's like an instant win. Hey is that
it? Yeah. That's a beautiful one who's chasing after God that's your
only criteria. Yeah that's literally it for me. Yeah got a wide pool. Trying to make it easy.
Easy for who? For me. I feel like that makes it more complicated. No because I
feel like if you put like a whole bunch of restrictions on what your wife has
to do then it just limits everything that she had like is what if you find a
woman for instance like if you're like my wife has to be super person who knows
how to cook and clean and whatever else but what if your wife like God gives you
is like she doesn't do any of that but she loves you well and she works like an
extra job or something else where like you have you might have to pick up a
little bit of her slack but it's totally worth it you know I mean like I feel
like some things are give-and-take up until it gets to the point where
somebody's getting abused in the relationship. Right so for me what
you like for me like I'm just gonna like what you said is a baseline yeah
baseline and that's like it if nothing else that's it that's at least what I'm
looking for right like she believes in loves God and I find her actually
physically attractive right absolutely um where physical attraction I think I
heard this particularly from Ben Stewart is the least important of the most
important things I agree and it's because you want to my dad told me this
when I was young he told me this my whole life he's like you should be able
to look at your woman you eat what your wife and never and never doubt in your
mind that she's the most beautiful woman in the room right I agree I hope and
that like there's and some of that beauty comes from doesn't all come from
looks a lot of experts a lot of is also personality I agree who they are as a
person I've heard people say that the longer they date somebody the more
beautiful that other person becomes so I think like with me like I'm gonna say
I'm gonna try to ask you the question like with that being the baseline of her
being beautiful and loving God what would be the nice to have the nice to
have is a wife who can cook clean or she contributes like a lot to the finances
if she can't let she can't go can clean I'm not like like that's a must but
those are like I feel like those are really good things because like what if
you're having a bad day and I work like 60 hours that week or like 80 hours that
week I would like for my wife to be able to be like hey um even if she can't
cook her clean that she at least like makes an effort to try to do so where
right she's like okay I can't cook let me go grab them some takeout or I can't
cook or let my mom show me a recipe I could try to make this one thing I'm good
at this one thing and he might like that one thing you know right if it's a
spaghetti pasta or tacos or whatever so if she's able to just constantly you
know like do nice at ease that's what I call them nice at ease okay
um so sorry I was also writing some things down as you were talking like
whenever you said like if you said something whenever you were like you're
like you're uh easier you're the nice that these are your nice to have these
are like if she like it really what you're saying it sounded to me that it
wasn't necessarily that she cooks and cleans right like that's not an office
it's a night it would be like cool if that's something she endured to do right
but also like it's more to you is definitely to you and I think to me also
to a lot of people it's more it's less about a particular thing that they do
but a particular action but more about how they it's more about how they are to
you it's like how great how do they like do they have the foresight the foresight
and the care some people some people do not care about that stuff some people's
like hey I can some people want to be able don't want to feel like that's
putting a burden on somebody else and I feel like that to me that's not to me
I've heard people say that to me that sounds unhealthy but um that's me some
people find out like hey like flat out like that's just that's just them and
that I won't go too far into that I don't understand that mindset but the
but like I think just one just wanting there's nothing wrong with wanting the
other of wanting your significant other to I guess in your mind that you are
doing going down a very particular path of like I'm going down for the day I've
had a long day she knows that there it would be nice if she did something nice
something nice to show that she cares and that I'm doing these things because
I'm not at that point if you're coming home to a wife you're not just doing it
for you you're doing it for the you doing it for both of you or the family
yeah um so it's and it's a two-way something that's a two-way street like
it obviously it's like absolutely and I feel like if some people like I like to
do nice things for other people and I was like not people to do nice things
for me or they're just like I just like to do nice things for people but I don't
really care if people they do think like that nice things for me or not but like
there's um one way as long as they're not mean some people are like that too
but like and there's nothing there's anything necessarily wrong with that
it's just how just how you particularly perceive things being done it's good
kind of dives into the love languages a little bit but um now that we brought
that up I'm just gonna look up all the love language are just love languages
are just to make sure I remember them all don't skip any over okay well that's
not I try to find a list of love languages and I get a sofa couch the
fuck I was I was like to take the quiz for the five months as a book I don't
want a book okay um do you know what your love languages are Sean? I would
say um I think quality time is like my number one I love touching feeling
that's nice too and gifts for sure like those are like the top three of me
cuz like if you get me something it doesn't even have to be like something
expensive it could just be something it was like something I liked it's like 10
or 5 bucks or something but it's just a thought that matters it's like oh like
that's what I least love cuz my mom's I guess she kind of like brought me up
that way like she'd come back from like a grocery store or something for me my
brother and then like have like a toy or something that we didn't ask for or
anything like that she was just like hey you guys been good and I've just been
thinking about you here's this you know I mean it was like a reward system and it
also was about just like caring and showing that like hey I really do love
you I know that I don't have much but and I remembered that figure you like I
remember that shirt you like that I remember that shoes blah blah you know I
mean and and it was on my mind when I was at work or due to this and you you've
been good so here yeah what about you what are your like top three all love
languages I think my top one is quality time and I remember we talked about
this I don't know if you were there for that conversation there was a group of
us after I said that after after church on Sunday one day so and we were talking
we talked a lot about quality time and how different people perceive quality
time in different ways for me quality time is specific time that's more than
one to me this quality time that to me that's like the purest form of quality
time it's one-on-one and like you're doing something together there's not
like like you can be out maybe you're out on a date somewhere but the focus
isn't on anybody else but each other that is like that's like to me the
purest form of quality time that I honestly like I honestly like to have a
lot of that just and like there's of course there's quality I think there's
there's different levels of quality time whether it's like you can be out with
other people and friends but that kind of to me diminishes the quality of the
time that you're spending as far as the relationship goes it's still good
quality time with friends but not a quality time for the relationship and
some people would drastically disagree with that for themselves and that
obviously obviously but we're talking about us I keep going back and forth
but um yeah definitely quality time man words of affirmation to probably right
underneath that one and then acts of service I like receiving gifts but I
prefer to give them I love giving good gifts because I spend time I'll be the
person that right takes notes they okay they just said this thing okay I'm
writing that down on my phone my notes going in I'm ordering it pre-order we're
gonna get we're gonna get them it we're gonna get I'm gonna give them that
gift but um you know I'd say that but that's me quality quality quality
quality time acts of service and quality time words of affirmation that acts of
service I think those are good ones definitely good ones yeah I think like
you kind of already touched on it we're gonna do go into another question um you
kind of already touched on it um I just realized I didn't start the timer but
but uh always just gonna pop back up that's funny okay we got time um but
like you're kind of very slightly touched on it without actually saying it
but um in relationship what are your red flags my red flags is if a girl that I
like is less attention on me like for instance like if we go somewhere and
it's just like she is more focused on everybody except me then I would that
be a red flag um I think another red flag is like no quality time like we
were talking about yeah um no um gifts and no touching that would also be like
those are like the red flags those those would be the least but definitely like if
we go anywhere and she can't like either if she can't compensate or she hates my
friends or something because most of the people I bring around are like family to
me so like yeah if she would hate my friends that would be a red flag yeah
now I just thought of this as you were talking it kind of goes backwards in it
for a second but um you said there's no quality time um I talked about what I
consider quality time what do you consider quality time I think quality
time is spending time with a person it could be with friends it could be
without friends but it's intentional and it's about like okay like for instance
like if we all went to Kennywood you you your significant other me my
significant other and a whole bunch of other friends to me that would still be
quality time it would not be quality time is if like me and her work together
or and she's just on the phone and like ignore me or not giving attention right
if it if it's specifically attention for both of us yeah I would say it's quality
time okay no that makes a lot of sense but I would say like yeah there's
definitely value and all of that is but even for the relationship like I said
like it diminishes the quality of the quality time the way I think about it
whenever you're out with other people and it's not just singular attention but
like I'm talking about that's like the purest form right of what I consider to
be quality time but then you're out with other people it's there's still value to
that could be like you get to be out maybe with her friends that maybe you
don't hang out with too often and you get to get to know them a little bit
better and helps you get closer to her in respect in response to that I think
like and you can't have that I think that I think both there's places for
both and there should be time for both um I oh yeah so yeah I just wanted to
make sure I rehashed that because I might have just left it at like being
like yeah no that's not quality time at all with hanging out with other friends
that's not really what I was saying so I wanted to rehash on it but um I think
you did good I don't know so what you meant yeah um got any questions for me
yeah um so now about the game for you some hard questions oh man so this is
gonna be a real hard question I want you to give me the exact same question back
to okay this is gonna be kind of hard some people are gonna be like what okay
so describe the girl you like the type of girl you like I'm gonna fly out be
like what is your thing describe the type of girl that I love the type of
girl in general yeah um if you want I can go first so I'll show like we're not
we're not saying nothing crazy like you know I mean I'm not gonna say something
out of pocket but we're it's just be a good way of like showing like like okay
these are the type of girls are like yeah yeah you go ahead first I think on
that okay so for me the type of girls I usually like are like brunette blonde in
black hair like that's just like a thing I just generally like right in red hair
too sometimes so then um every hair color
second I kind of like natural kind of I like long hair for sure um definitely
like slim build for sure and that would be like that would be like it's type of
girl I like and then like her eyes perfect if their eyes are great lovely
okay what about personality trait personality trait the girls I like I
would say or usually happy caring kind and strong those are like the the four
types wrong in what way strong in the way of like if something was to go down
they would be able to protect either themselves or me like I love a girl who's
like strong to be like okay oh you're not gonna speak to that person that way
because that was rude you know me I love like like I love to see her growth
assertive in the kindness way like in a hero way not like in like a bully way
like you know I mean that type of way but like on a way of even if it's what
their own friends and then like somebody else is being rude to their friend and
they're able to step up and say hey you're not gonna talk to my friend like
that like you know even if it's something like that like I love to see
like a heroic type of woman like I'm going and strong and loving yeah no I
that's cool I like like the I like you know you're thinking about like um the
woman the woman the per the woman that stand that stands up for Santa for her
friends or stands up for the per even if her friends making someone to somebody
that would say hey that's gossip yeah that's not that like if it's cuz she's
being a cute being a Christian woman it's like we like don't got like
Christians like we try our best at least in the circle I know we do our best not
to gossip right um and so no I got a hundred percent get what you're saying
um for me the woman I'm not gonna like physical traits like I did I find out a
lot of different kind of a woman attractive so like um that's as long as
I find her attractive like I don't have a like a flat-out preference I used to
but like then I realized it was just like more more about like current
circumstance yeah then it was about like um what I act overall over the overall
picture but um but like personality wise like a strong will and one that's
strong a strong it has that strong will um have a strong will now fret not
worried about not afraid to call me out of my crap um somebody that um somebody
somebody that not just is growing alongside me in Christ but it's also
going to grow me by a calling me out of my crap and not being afraid of not
being worried about um worried about it whenever I call her out in hers okay I
think that's that should happen in every relationship I think you know love you
loving caring way because like I think this goes for anybody that you're close
to friends or thing that significant others family um if you're not calling
each other out on your crap then you're not being loving to that person right and
so like I think I want to walk so I would want a woman that is going to call
me out and I like me that being having to be able to be humble and humble and
respectful enough to accept what she's saying even if I think she's wrong
right and vice versa like it's I keep saying like things are too like both
these things are two-way street like specifically like a woman who like who
is a woman who like for me like a woman who is like a leader a woman who is like a
person other people other people look to that would be like the pinnacle ideal
because like for me because I don't know I feel like the way I'm striped the way
I'm striving for God yeah like I I personally work on my own personal growth
every day and I focus on my body my mind my spirit and I don't see me ending up
with somebody that doesn't care about taking care of their mind body and
their spirit all three in that Trinity yeah I feel like everybody should do
that to be honest like but not everybody does like there are some great women out
there that are phenomenal but they and like but there's an area maybe in their
spirit that they lack or and when I say my bot and I mentioned the body I mean
just fit simply eating well yeah doing the things that we do for our own not
just survival but like because it's it no I mean like the reason I love health
and like I love learning more about it and growing in that for my for my own
sake is because it's not just for my own sake it's so that I can serve the kingdom
of God at the highest possible capacity well that is good that'll preach and
like so like I think everybody like you hear people your guys be like yeah my
body's a temple and like it literally is yeah it literally is a temple for the
Lord right and like we should and I believe I want to be with a woman that
understands that that takes care of herself and the case takes care of
herself and and again that's an area where I would want to be called on if
I'm not and then like us be able to help each other in those areas so that we
can all grow up so we can both grow in that mind body a spear arena at the same
love at the same level or bring each other up in congruency to a higher level
of each one of those three um yeah that's me yeah that's that's good stuff
man honestly that like that hits hard I don't know about the for me I don't know
about the health as much long as she's not like super unhealthy like yeah I
don't want her to get like diabetes like first day in but like I I just want her
to be able to be happy but I also do want her to have some type of health I
think spiritual mental and physical health is really important like so like
those are things like I feel like as a couple as a unit we should be both like
as we're getting closer to God that just I feel like should be natural
naturally the course like you should start getting better at certain deaths all
this stuff that you're like suck at when you first walk with Christ you shouldn't
suck at at the end I guess I guess that's sorry good oh no that's good okay
I guess like I feel I feel convicted by saying what I said because like it's
they're all great traits I do believe like like everybody should take care of
themselves in those three areas but like the idea that when I ask somebody out
fully expecting them to be aligned with all those three areas and being as good
as they can be is unrealistic and I acknowledge that like it's like I'm sure
there's people and there's people out there that exist so like not saying like
but I'm also but then being like if I find someone attractive I want to ask
them out and I and on a date and I find out that they're lacking in body lacking
they don't care that they care the body as well as well but they're strongly
very strong in the other areas then it's like that would that would take some time
or contemplation for me it depends on like how bad how if they don't actually
take care of themselves at all or not but like the because I don't know I I
like I guess yeah I find it I find it attractive when a woman takes
care of herself essentially so like if yeah so kind of like I want her to be
healthy happy healthy and happy just like you said that maybe like I just
because we're different people at a higher degree of healthiness yeah but
like there's but like it's also not going into the relationship being like
oh man she's so unhealthy she's just unhealthy now but you know if she dates
me then she'll get healthier like that's not that's not healthy
it's like a codependency or she won't happen well no it's like on God where
she's able to do that on her own for striving right exactly she I shouldn't
expect her to to lean on me because she should be leaning on God right and I
should be leaning on God like she should be the first priority regardless and
like right now obviously my body's take you can't there's no video here but my
body's taking a hit recently because I can't work out as heavy as I used to
yeah but you still look great I appreciate it so like I sure I find out
other ways to work out and be healthy but like the balls expecting somebody
else to go that hard also as hard as I try to go for myself it's there's there
for me I guess there's a there's a line there I don't know where it's at yet
maybe one one day I'll figure it out but right but like as long as she cares
about the mind body spirit it to a degree I guess I think that's fair there
that that should be that's kind of like what I'm looking for and like it has
that understanding that it's important that it's at least important that is
that it's important I realize I said it really quiet but um I totally agree with
you I think that that should be like a key factor no matter what because I mean
you can't just have somebody not caring about any of those three especially if
you're like I said if you're on the walk with Christ you're just gonna start
caring about those three you're just gonna help it yeah I got you focusing on
Jesus it's just gonna happen naturally yeah so we're probably gonna go a little
over time which is fine I'm okay with that okay this is a good conversation
um we have one more question and I the way we're definitely gonna go over time
we only have one minute to 30 minutes but um and this is big another big question
what is the one biggest lesson you've learned from your past relationships I
learned my biggest lesson I was to say is honestly get a woman who's of God
because I've chosen plenty of women who are not of God who either say they're
like a Christian but they don't really like read the Bible they don't pray
they're not focused on God and like I would just date them because I thought
they were attractive and it would be the worst thing ever for me because they
either cheat or they would not be a woman to be a wife or they would just
have me in a state of chaos or drama or all this stuff that like if you don't
get a woman who's founded in God then I personally have seen the chaos for the
choice of not choosing a woman of God yeah so for me and my biggest my biggest
take away from all my past relationships would definitely be having a woman who
is Christ centered and also like don't settle so if you don't that would be my
second one because there's times where I dated girls who I who I didn't find
attractive but I wanted to just give them an opportunity and it almost cost
me to like feel like I was settling so like anytime I seen something I was like
looking so get a girl that God has given you the eyes that you think that she's
beautiful but make sure her heart in and mine and soul is Christ centered that's
good that's good yeah you good yeah okay um for me it's like I guess I was looking
at it from a different like like that's good and if this is why it's good to
have two perspective two different perspectives because I get a woman of
God and it's funny cuz like me I've only had like two longer-term
relationships in my life and like one was with a woman that that wasn't
nothing to do with God would get mad if you brought up the name his name same
and then another and then the next one where there was years in between was
with a woman that love that loves God that one didn't end up that one ended up
as well and like I between both of those after like seeking the camp seeking
good counsel and like talking with people like after the second one not
really after the first one I was still trying to figure out where who I was
after that first relationship but the biggest thing I learned wasn't
necessarily about the woman bows more about myself that before I was gonna
look for a woman to date is that I had to be chasing God with all that I had
before I went to chase went on to chase a woman because like the first
relationship I obviously wasn't chasing God that was chasing the other chasing
the woman for very stupid reasons and then and maybe one day we can go
vulnerable into that into what that was but the next relationship I thought I
was good I thought everything was I thought I was like this is it this is I
found a woman in Christ and I still I had my own issues and so did she but I
had my own issues that I had I had to deal with and and like I didn't know I
didn't know that I had these issues until after the relationship ended and
that was for after I went and talked with like someone like pastor Ed and my
Andrew regatta who you know and everybody but soliciting probably knows
mainly maybe um but uh and understanding like what it means to date as a
Christian what it means to be seeking somebody of God but also making sure
that you're in line with Christ having a firm understanding of who you're looking
for and why you're looking for them so for me like the one big I guess I kind
of went on multiple couple different tangents there but like the one big
thing I learned was that kind of just to wait for me and I was just like to wait
in the process and to allow time to heal and that God will that one day God will
provide yeah and like to have that just put that trust in him because I'm not
saying I'm never going to ask a woman now until like God hits me in the face
and says there she is yeah that happens but not very often right but uh but like
I think now I have a healthier mindset than I used to going into the whatever
next relationship next first date where my mindset isn't going to be about
whether it's going to be less about am I doing the right things and just making
sure that I'm actually just along with God right um that's good that's yeah
that's like the purest thing that I can really say that I just had to learn that
to be more aligned with Christ and just kind of dive into my relationship with
it's him more before I went and tried to do a relationship with someone else I
think that's really good but yeah I think we are we were definitely over
time yeah definitely only a little bit but um but you know we like to let's see
here we'd like to try to end off these episodes on a somewhat lighter lighter
note so thank you for listening so far and we're gonna end off on I just I just
picked some really random questions to see what Sean will say I love it so
Sean yes chicken steak or fish and why chicken steak or fish I'm gonna have to
go with chicken just because if we're we're gonna have to choose these as like
I don't know like for the rest of your life this is the meat you eat yeah you
get you have chicken sandwiches you have chicken tacos you have chicken pasta you
have chicken and rice you have chicken and like so much other good stuff so I'm
gonna choose chicken and ramen noodles like everything chicken chicken to be
fair you can have you can have chicken you have steak and rice yes yes I'm
saying but like if that's like of all the categories like that's all you can
eat that's the only meat and I'm gonna I don't know I'm gonna choose okay if it
was hamburger I would have been hamburger okay okay I now with that fun
I thought was going to be a good one oh yeah it's not as good as a mattress but
um what about you though what do you what would you what was yours
chicken for sure yeah we actually agree on something yeah
we agreed on Jesus right yeah oh man yeah no chicken is just it's just good
full nice protein um but then Sam is good too that but Sam is expensive chicken
is good but but uh but all right so that that's the end of the episode so stay
tuned people so yeah we're uh yeah we're gonna go be back next week guys all
right thanks thanks for listening if you like this episode go ahead and share it
out on your socials and let your friends know if you liked this episode and
think that this might help somebody out or just like want to start a
conversation off with somebody about relationships and think hey I'll just
send this to them to start the conversation I don't know I'm just
saying words right now but like it's really good but I think like yeah if
you got any anything out of this you could like the episode tag tag Sean and
I both in on Instagram Thomas dot Carney and he's teacher pastor Sean teacher
pastor Sean all right guys we'll talk to you later I think it's really good