We find a party down in the Saigi Pirae, which are these wonderful heated hot springs deep
in the bowels of Eblash, the water pouring in from some unknown underground stream or
river and heated by a myriad of bright blue spirit lamps hung all around the lake.
During those three days, you guys have had a chance to clean your gear of the care...
That's not what we describe it, is it?
You've had a chance to clean your gear from all of the toils and the soils and the dust
and the glass and the blood and the oils and the roads and the wine.
Basically everything that's happened within the last couple of weeks, you guys have managed
to get your gear cleaned up, prepared.
You're feeling very refreshed and relaxed hanging here inside of the soul springs.
Now, during that time, you each individually went ahead and crafted your own Galeno blade.
This is actually the first time that you guys have all sort of been together in the same
place in the past three days.
Man, I feel refreshed and relaxed hanging out here in the hot springs.
Damn am I having a good time and I do not wish to leave.
Fuck you, Weiss!
Weiss!
In and out of game.
That hasn't happened in a long time.
That only happens when I get flustered.
I confuse the two of them.
They sit next to one another.
They look nothing alike.
Not even close.
Not even a little bit.
One's a computer stream.
The other one's a guy stream.
The other one's a girl stream.
The other one's a guy stream.
The other one's a girl stream.
The other one's a guy stream.
The other one's a girl stream.
The other one's a guy stream.
The other one's a guy with a hat.
No, we will not discern which one is which.
How are you?
I'm thinking about if it's okay for a society to hang around all these death lamps all the
time.
Like that's not okay.
It is weird that it's heating the water.
Like imagine just like chilling with your ancestors spirits all the time.
All the time.
DM, just to extra clarify, these death lamps are something new to me, correct?
They're something new to everybody.
Okay, just making sure.
Because I don't know if living here I would know that or if these are different, like
specific.
This is something new.
Previously you were told by Nebes that the souls of their dead get put inside these spirit
lamps to keep them safe because their souls currently cannot pass along into the afterlife
because we saw that their sort of like temple of the dead, that temple of what was locked
with that big cubular key is closed to them.
Meaning that if your soul isn't put in one of those things, you're-
It's lost forever.
You're going to be wandering.
That's the whole point of this all.
So the reason that the Glass Sea is so disturbed and full of sandstorms and those jinn and
those evil spirits is because people have been lost and their souls have degraded over
many years.
And so you've just basically got all these lost ghosts floating around inside of this
place that have got nowhere to go.
So probably what you would consider like the biggest fear of a Hashim right now is dying
when there's nobody else around to put their soul and spirit lamp.
Guys, you know what would be really funny?
We could have a DM's list of where to his party and just like, I don't know, man.
It would be sick just to be surrounded by actual spirits on Dia de Los Muertos.
You guys know what I mean.
It's like something that we're back where I'm from.
We do celebrate our dead, but we just kind of-
Celebrate?
Get drunk party.
Oh, I'm sure that they love that.
And like remembrance in air quotes.
I never knew anything about my ancestors really.
So you just used it as an excuse to get drunk.
Yeah.
Okay.
But I think these people are a little bit more honorable, but we should change that.
They definitely are.
Change that?
And they put them in lamps.
I can always go for some food.
I think she missed the whole conversation.
I was talking about the cultural aspects.
You had me at booze.
I kind of tuned out after you said you got drunk.
I mean, I tuned out the Dia de Los Muertos, but like, just let the white noise-
There's the cultural significance of it was still kind of important to some people, the
old ones who are about to die.
Yeah, because they want to be remembered.
Yeah.
I mean, okay.
Here's the great idea.
Let's table it because I'm pretty sure Nevis should not be drinking alcohol after just
trapping her dead brother.
Just to put it in perspective.
Oh yeah, that did happen at the end of last-
Yeah, remember that?
Remember three days ago that happened?
Sorry, my brain's a little bit funky right now.
Yeah.
I'm still a little reeling from that.
He could be heating my jacuzzi right now.
He's probably-
He might try and fry us.
He might be angry.
I mean, yo, broski, can you turn up the heat?
Can you turn it up?
Let me inside.
Oh, God.
Why do I say anything?
Why do I-
The next wave you see just has a middle finger in it.
The next set of bubbles form an ominously shaped middle finger.
Why'd you flip me off, Hal?
12.
I was giving an example.
You do notice that the water becomes noticeably warmer.
To the audience.
Everybody knows.
I gave an example.
All right, hold on.
What happened?
After a few seconds, the brightness in the room decreases and the water gets colder.
Stop a little bit more.
Brightness increases and the water gets warmer.
Perfect.
Stop there.
Excellent.
What is this, the three bears?
Did you just-
It's voice controlled, apparently.
Talk to the spirit?
Can you do some bubbles?
Hey, Nebus.
Nebus isn't dead.
Nebus isn't the dead one.
Sorry.
Hey.
I'm top-
I can't say that with a straight face.
Hey, Siri.
That's what I was going for.
Forget it.
Hey, bitch.
Hey, check out my Amazon delivery.
I think you just killed my mother.
There is no response to your Pamazon request.
I didn't order on Amazon Prime.
Now, they only use fantasy calls for-
Pamazon Paipei.
Paipei.
Pim-pim-pim-pim-pim-pim-pim-pim.
Sorry, you almost killed me with that.
I was mid-drink when you said that.
I think that was really funny.
What's everyone been up to?
I've been drunk.
I've been in driving rooms and going in and out of sleep.
Like a healthy amount of sleep or a bad amount of sleep?
No.
Did you need this for a long time?
I'm not sure.
A healthy amount of sleep or a bad amount of sleep?
No.
Did you need the sleep?
I kind of just sleep as I need to.
Cool.
Are you enjoying that now that the is gone?
Yes, very much so.
It is much easier.
I feel less tired all the time.
That's good.
As you guys are sitting there in the Soul Springs here, Nevis comes walking down the
spiral stone staircase to the edge of the lake.
She looks around as if she's searching for something and she catches sight of you guys
and her face lights up and she starts walking over to you.
I have my theories as to why we'll take that.
We'll take that.
Are we naked?
I will leave that up to you.
I'm always naked in the water.
Oh, I can't shoot.
I was going to ignore that.
My dad walks up.
I'm always naked in the water.
Oh, he's probably heard me say more out of pocket shit.
Are you kidding me?
That was funny as hell.
That was so funny.
That was funny as hell.
Anyway, so yeah, some of you might be naked in the water.
I don't know.
I'm treating this like back in the...
Yeah.
Definitely naked.
Back in Greywater.
Yeah, back in Greywater.
I have pants on because I'm still probably disgustingly skinny.
I have my pants off.
I'm kidding.
I'm sorry.
That was so bad.
I'm probably disgustingly skinny, so can I have my pants on?
Are you naked?
Yeah.
I don't even know why I bothered asking.
I don't know why.
I know the answer.
As Nebus comes down the beach towards you guys, she does end up slipping out of her
robe and leaves that on the edge of the lake.
She got comfy with us.
This is confirming my theory.
She got comfy with us.
And comes striding out towards you guys, wading through the water.
I'm gonna message everyone, like, X-Nay on mentioning brother A.
So, how are you all doing?
Relaxing.
Yeah, dude.
At a time we can finally take a breath.
Yeah.
I can imagine.
How are you guys feeling after that fight?
Yeah, that serpent was really tough.
Worn out.
I'm so glad we killed that serpent.
I feel like a part of the tribe now, you know?
Like, they say that's an adulting thing here.
Worn out and sore.
She looks between you, Mondor, and she looks over at you guys.
And she sort of gives a shrug and she goes, I was actually referring to my fucking traitor
of a brother, but I'm glad that you're feeling better.
Oh yeah, that fight was tough too, yeah.
I'm sore from it too.
Yeah, your brother put up a hell of a fight.
Yeah, I wish we could say I was any closer to figuring out where he got that supplies
from.
Well, is there anything like that in the area?
Like, do you even know what they are?
So maybe we can help you figure it out.
Is what we do.
Yeah, we are pretty good at that kind of stuff.
It's called Lantern Light.
We get it from Valu and from a guy named Dr. Wisteria.
Wisteria's a- Do you?
I don't know.
Maybe to me as a person, it like- Yeah, I was gonna say it, like, to me-
It definitely got Mondor- To me as a person, it definitely sounds familiar.
I guess it's more of a Robin Hood thing.
Never heard of it.
I've checked with all of our runners and everyone else involved in the trade and they can account
for every bit and piece.
So I have no idea where he got the stuff.
Are you sure he got it?
I don't know.
That's why it's your brother.
Are you sure- Do you think he could fashion that himself?
The stuff can't be made locally.
Are you sure that that's the only place he can get it from?
The only place the ingredients come from, well, as far as I'm aware, is from Valuin,
where they refine the spirit rush that rises up out of that giant- she gives a little shudder
and her feathers poof up, gaping the mall of a whole of the cities built around.
Well, we weren't planning on going to Valuin anyway.
Yeah, we can always check it out for you.
Maybe some other dealer.
Yeah, maybe there's a down low dealer that people don't know about.
You think you could?
On the way!
Well, I would greatly appreciate that, but it's actually not why I came to speak with
you.
Oh.
Well, I'm kind of shocked nobody's come to you with this yet.
You're probably a little nervous about how you introduced yourself, and she kind of stares
at you, Rolik.
But Victory in Atal'atul M'Kai gives you honorary membership to the clan.
Oh.
Is that why the H'Chim keep trying to get me for a robe sizing?
Is that a thing?
Yes, actually.
That's probably why they've been making hints, but it also is why all of your crew were with
you as well.
You're their honorary members now.
You've joined them to our clan.
Oh.
Oh no.
Oh.
It's only honorary.
There's no commitment yet, but should you or should you choose maybe to become one,
there's certain benefits to it.
So wait, now if we get spam mail?
Spam mail?
Just a bird if you get hers.
Thanks for letting me know.
I appreciate that.
Please, it's an open offer.
Keep it in mind.
If you wish to join, you can participate in the Sa'idrox'ri.
Those were words.
What do you call it in the regular speech?
The gathering.
That's what we're doing right now.
Well, no, it's where, you know, clan members get to talk with their ilomenes prerumos,
their ancestors.
Oh, okay.
Do you see those mortals?
Maybe that happens.
You can go to the H'Chim.
You can talk with your honored dead, you know, you wouldn't.
Do you party when you do that?
Of course.
It's a great celebration.
Oh, you're right on the money.
Yeah, you really were.
Well, can we change the branding of the name of the holiday?
That's probably got a cultural significance.
It has great cultural significance.
I'm not sure we can just change the name out of the blue, but you are willing to call it
whatever you want, Vice.
Thank you.
I definitely will.
I think we can change the name of the holiday.
What do you think?
I don't know.
I don't want to assume, but I know that's what he does.
I'm just messing with you, Ulrich.
I have no idea what he's talking about.
He's very strange.
Oh, okay.
But sure.
Yeah, so if it makes him happy, he can do that.
Plus, do any of you interested in perhaps joining the Elfmechanic man with me?
Ulrich?
I think we have a lot of stuff on our to-do list.
I think if it's okay, I'd like to speak with my team about it.
Of course.
I will, I guess, give you some space.
Sure.
What?
What are you going to say, zone?
She can stay in the hot tub.
We can just gather on one side.
It's a lake.
It's a lake?
It's a lake.
Oh yeah, we can just swim to another side.
Sure.
All right.
You won't make it leave.
Take your time.
We'll walk all the way over.
Do you robed and everything?
We'll just...
Awkwardly.
Swim over here, I guess.
You're in a pool and you've got to stand up and waltz somewhere else.
They need a whole fucking lake.
There's a lot of lamps.
That is an issue.
Remember, it's been 400 years of everybody who dies, they have to put their soul in a
lamp before they lose it.
How do they have so many lamps?
They probably have to make them.
They make them.
What do you mean, Mondor?
You can make those.
Those are easy to make.
Souls are much harder.
They ordered them from here.
Not really.
They're like bulk supplier.
Fix that, Sal.
On Pime Day.
Pime pay.
Pompay.
Yeah, pompay.
All right, so we're like, what are we thinking?
How are we thinking?
How are we feeling?
I'm just going to sink below the water for a minute.
I see some bubbles pop up.
That sounds about right.
As long as it comes back up, we'll be fine.
Yeah, no, this is how Rulik bites it, actually.
This is how he's leaving the party.
This is how he dies.
Drowns.
Voluntarily.
He goes under the water, creates tiny bubbles.
His body's never seen again?
No, in eight hours.
Oh, yeah, just look at that.
In the form of a eight hour time.
Ass naked.
Butt up in the air.
Dude, I don't fucking know.
Do we think that doing this would be beneficial in any way?
I feel like, especially with Vice, if what I saw was your ancestors, I feel like trying
to reach out to them would not be a bad idea.
Hey, you can learn about your mom and dad.
I got this feeling about that.
I'm just going to harp on that because I don't want to talk about the fact that I could then
just see my mom and dad.
I don't want to think about it.
I also do that.
I also don't want to talk about how I could see my mom and dad.
I'm from a different plane, so.
However, that's not who I want to contact with.
I don't care about is my wife is alive or not because if she died on this plane, I would
see her probably.
Yeah.
Yeah, see, I have no one I care about on this plane, so I wouldn't see anybody.
You don't like Kieran?
No.
She's not dead.
Kieran's alive.
He's right here.
Is he in the water with us?
Of course Kieran's in the water.
He's been floating next to you this whole time.
I feel like there's a little trunk that's just up in the air.
Right there.
Under the snorkel.
Yeah.
He's under the water and you see his little trunk.
He's floating with his legs straight up.
Kieran's also kind of a companion.
I've met more people.
Yeah.
But I feel like this would be a very beneficial thing for us to learn about what happens.
Is it today?
We've got a lot of stuff to do.
Is it today?
I wasn't going to do that.
You call out across the lake there, Vice, and you, as you turn over to call out, you
actually see Nevis on the other side of the lake punching into a stalagmite.
What?
With her fist.
You just bam, bam, bam, she turns, kind of looks over, she goes, it's an open offer.
Offer, offer.
But then they ask the question.
Can you message?
Oh, yeah.
It's not greater than 120 feet, right?
No.
Okay, cool.
I guess I'll message, be like, hey, is that like spirit communication thing today or?
Do you see her go, fucking ghost.
Fuck you, bitch.
I'd rather forward of you to come into my head like this, but it's in three days.
Come into your head.
God damn it, Ruel.
I'm not actually saying that.
The game doesn't usually break.
He broke a cum in my head.
He said it.
It was just repeated back.
He did.
Yeah, so she didn't form two, that's in three days time.
Cool.
Bop, bop, bop, bop, to the surface.
I'm not opposed to doing this thing.
Is this not the family you search for?
This is a deeper question that I'm comfortable asking, but is this not the family you're
looking for?
These are Eric Cochran.
This is what you've been kind of looking for.
I have.
Besides revenge.
I have.
Aw.
Here, give me a hug.
Yeah.
Let's not touch tips, though.
Oh, did he mean Rolick?
Go ahead and have some inspiration, buddy.
That was beautiful.
Oh.
So you're not concerned about finding more Eric Cochran or establishing a family in that
way?
I lost all of my Eric Cochran family long ago.
I know.
We've been over all of our tribes several times.
Just today, honestly.
We've talked about it too long.
Okay.
Vice, let me put a perspective for you.
If you just met some random ass tieflings, would you meet any of the big family?
No, but I'm also not the last of my tiefling kind to my knowledge.
You to your knowledge, Eric.
I didn't know how desperate you would be.
Listen.
It's more of a desperation than an actual relationship.
It's cool to know that there's more people like me out there and you just like me usually
because I'm fucking a special snowflake.
You need, yes.
Yes.
Gray water is home.
Gray water is what I'm...
I don't think you would have said that at the beginning of this journey.
I don't think so either.
I think you were really just looking for a quick dump and go.
Pump and go.
I prefer pump and go.
I dump and go.
Yeah, you dump and go for sure.
Pump and dump and go.
Jesus Christ.
Together, we are the pump dumpers.
I pump, he dumps, and I go.
I want to go.
Together, we are the Tally Ho Ho's.
You've noticed that, right?
We just pump and dump.
Oh, we can do that in balloon though.
We dump and pump?
Depends on who's leading.
Same thing, yeah.
Well, it depends on who's leading.
It is a little different.
I will add that joining this clan would add in another part to your name because you would
be part of the Eismacon clan.
That's weird.
So you would have another last name.
Dude, I like just being Cher though.
It's just Rulik.
Well, you would have a last name then.
It would be Rulik Eismacon.
Is it a bad thing?
Or of the Eismacon clan.
I don't know.
I like that.
I think that's a personal choice that you need to make.
Yeah.
Whether or not you feel like this is something you really want or whether or not it's just
good to be an honorary member, someone who's well respected by them.
I'm cool with that.
I like being respected.
That's cool.
It's helpful.
It's nice.
If we go to this Ancestry.com thing and we talk to our ancestors or Tix lets us talk
to our ancestors, what do you think your parents would say?
Yeah, I know, right?
I don't usually do this.
I don't know.
Let's cross that and probably burn that bridge.
Where I was pumping to this.
Yeah.
You're pumping?
Yeah.
So I was engaging points to pump.
Yeah.
Okay.
And now I'm going to dump on you.
Okay.
So you're going to be asked to please for your decision.
And when you talk to like, if you want to talk to your family about this decision, you
can do so at the Dia de Los Muertos or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
A pair of copper words.
I don't give you enough credit for how wise you are.
He is a druid.
I don't mean she is.
He's also vice.
Uh huh.
Okay, that's fair.
You make a good point.
You're very wise and a good friend.
I'm okay with that.
We would be.
Sorry, sorry.
Good with the plan, not just good with you being a good friend.
I mean, I'm good with you being a good friend.
But that sounds bad.
Is this gay panic?
Are we experiencing gay panic?
Is that sex already?
I'm gay!
You can still panic.
All right.
Just have sex already, man.
Just fuck already.
No, there's a thing.
Just open up!
I can't.
He fucks red.
She's scary.
Fair.
There's also a really nice cherry tree over that way.
I was hoping to introduce myself later.
I forgot he fucks trees.
I forgot too.
There's so many layers to this character.
We're going to take a quick pause real quick.
Ah, yes.
Hello, it is me, Beto.
You may be wondering what I have been up to since the Italian ho-hos left me.
Well, you see, I have been wandering around outside of that ghostly forest over by the
town of Giert.
And things are not looking good.
There are weird animals that have been crossed over into the ethereal plane.
And all my years are so through.
I have not seen this before.
I think something is very, very, very wrong over there at the Reacher's Castle.
So I think I might send them a message in a little bit here and ask them to maybe come
back and help me, because things are not looking good.
People are dying in this.
My animal friends, there was this robin they had.
I won't get into that now.
Never mind.
Things are bad here.
We could definitely use some ho-help.
Some ho-help, yes.
Penis!
Okay.
All right.
So we were talking about what the benefits of joining this clan would be.
Do we all gain that extra title, or would it just be the air copter?
We all get the blades.
You could definitely assume that you would all get it.
If you become a member, you are part of the Ethnicon clan.
If I back pocket putting away, where else?
Uh-huh.
He just has a stab wound under his tail feathers.
Yeah, the stab wound.
That's behind his tail feathers.
I'm sorry, Dristix, is there something else?
Where else would he be putting it?
Listen, I'm not saying words.
Actually, you didn't know this rule is a sword swallower, so just...
Add some more skills that this man has.
He got that at level five.
Oh, cool.
Oh, wow.
I didn't hear.
I said you can swallow a lot of things.
I was looking insane to my face.
Yeah.
I mean, you know.
Okay, so are we going to say yes?
Yeah.
Are we going to say yes, or are we going to say no?
It's an open offer.
I don't think this is an answer right now.
Yeah, it's an open offer.
I think we go.
We can go.
We can go see what it's like.
I personally, I would decline the offer because I'm along the lines of Rulik.
Greywater is my home, and I'd rather change my name to Greywater than...
Yeah, but...
Do you want to get married and change your name to Greywater?
I don't want to get married.
I could just legally do it.
No, there's no documentation.
However, counter offer, seeing your parents isn't going to make you change your views
on that.
Probably not.
It would probably just...
No, no, no.
Like you specifically going back and seeing your parents.
I feel like would not only help you maybe get a little bit of closure to whatever happened.
I don't want to pry.
But again, if they're what I saw and who I saw, it will help these people as well.
They're not saying we're skipping the gathering.
They're just saying we're not joining.
I'm not becoming a honoring member.
Oh, joining.
I'm not becoming a honoring member.
Yeah, we're going to the thing.
I would reject that.
We're accepting their invitation to the gathering.
That's pretty much all we're saying.
Yeah.
I don't see a reason.
I don't know how long I'll be staying on this plane.
As you guys are talking, Nebus is starting to wade her way out towards you guys.
Bold.
Yeah.
Get ready to pump.
That's what being a good friend is about.
So have you guys considered the offer?
Me and my people, we will join you for the gathering.
Wonderful.
Does that mean you're joining the clan?
All of us don't like to say no.
We would like to go to the gathering and make a decision then.
I think then we'll have some critical information that we'll need to determine our status on
that.
That's how your charisma comes from.
Fair enough.
Thank you.
She kicks you with a...
She kind of preens her feathers and churns a little happy head shake.
And then you see sort of the brightness in her eyes fade.
She sort of stares down.
Yes, she's dead.
She collapses at your feet.
Now she looks down at the surface of the water and you can see that her hand is sort of clenched
up into a fist.
And she kind of glances back over her shoulder at the staircase that she came down.
She turns back to look at you guys and she goes, so, any of you guys...
I know you saw you were good fighters in the Picati Tussetis, but you good at sparring?
I might kill you by accident if we spar.
Is that a challenge?
Uh oh.
You want to spar with me?
I'll take the challenge.
Are you gonna fuck the bird?
God no, I have a wife I need to get to.
I will spar though.
I haven't had a chance to, ever since I got out of prison and she's been fighting, I haven't
been able to spar.
Thank you.
Let's do this.
I have pants on so it's okay.
Please tell me that you sent what I think you sent.
I have pants on so it's okay.
Get out!
You know what I'm saying?
That's what I was thinking.
All right, yes, I have pants on so my dick isn't hanging out while I'm sparring her,
so it's cool.
Well actually, in ancient cultures, some would fight naked because...
A distraction?
Battle can be arousing and it can be intimidating to other foes to see that sight.
I'll come out and say, erect penises can throw people off.
You're not wrong.
Are we sure that back then it wasn't just a kink?
It probably is.
All right, how am I going about this?
Am I just rolling, I guess, non-lethal damage?
Just say what we're all thinking, guys.
What do you want to spar with?
She's looking very excited now.
What are you sparring with?
Oh yes.
I'm wearing it!
Well, we could do hands or we could practice with...
I saw you got a new Galeno blade, we could use that.
I do, but won't that hurt if we cut each other by accident?
We could do first blood.
All right, we'll do first blood.
Guys, I've never done this before.
You're doing great!
You know that giant thing that you do?
Yo, you're doing great.
You're doing great!
You know that giant thing that you do?
Yo, use that.
I'm afraid I don't want to do that because then I won't have it at all for another long
rest.
Yeah, it seems a little unfair, too.
She looks back at you as she starts to... over her shoulder as she starts to walk 30
paces.
Are you guys fighting in the lake?
Uh, she's still in the lake.
That seems sacrilegious.
Aw, fuck me!
Oh, wait.
DM, before we do anything, she looked behind her at the stairs she walked down before asking
that question, correct?
Yes.
How far would you say we are from said stairs?
About 200 feet.
Oh, never mind.
All right, so I'm supposed to... is that telling how I'm supposed to stay here?
I want to be very confused.
I'm gonna be holding my blade, very confused, standing where I'm standing to see if I'm
supposed to move back or not.
I'm like a child waiting for instructions.
She moves to the rest of her 30 paces and turns on her heel and gets down into a sort
of a half crouch with her knife up.
And you can see that hers is unlike the blades that you guys have made.
It is actually a set of three short blades that fit carefully into her palm, forming
essentially a pair of Wolverine claws.
Oh, I should have done that.
That's so cool.
Wait!
I love that!
Okay.
So, we said first blood, yes?
Yes.
No tricks, no magic?
I have no magic.
Then we're agreed.
I guess I won't do bardic itch for you.
I have no magic.
I can't help either.
That's okay.
This is friendly, so it would be different if I was against an enemy.
Yes, this is a friendly match.
I have no magic, so...
I want to see how good you are.
I can't guarantee.
I've been in prison for two months.
All right.
She holds her blade up to you in salute.
Mr. Vice, if you could give us a count.
I have an idea.
When this rock that I conveniently took from the sea bed falls into the water, you shall
start.
I'm just gonna go... sploosh.
Hopefully it didn't hit someone.
Roll initiative.
Oh.
All right.
Nebus will go first.
You're naked.
We're naked, yeah.
I have pants on, but that's not your role.
This is not Kalanis' art.
What kind of pants are they?
Yeah, actually that's a good question.
How do we just cloth pants?
Oh, okay.
That was a good one.
Almost kind of like, I would say, whatever.
I was thinking like, whatever their undergarments are would be, like just cloth pants.
You probably could very prominently see it.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure what their undergarments are, but I think they're just like, whatever.
I just imagine that it's weighing down.
That's weighing you down.
Not by a lot.
It's not, it's not.
Cloth.
It is cloth.
Nebus kicks up a spray with her feet as her wings snap out and she flaps twice, rising
five, ten feet above the lake surface and goes bolting at you like a thunderbolt.
Oh my god.
Her blade is out to the side, her arm straight and she's bringing it around in a mighty slash
here.
She looks like she's getting out some of her...
Anger?
Internal anger.
You're not, you're probably sure what it's about.
Oh, I'm sure.
Exactly what it's about.
Yeah, she doesn't seem to be angry.
What if she takes her anger out on me?
It's cool.
I can handle it.
She doesn't seem necessarily angry at you, but she just seems...
With the world.
Yeah, angry at the world.
I'm just hit.
I've been in prison for two years.
I don't actually, it's been changing every time.
I don't remember how long I've been in prison for.
That's going to be a 13.
Armor.
Ten plus your dex.
That's a hit.
Because my dex, my armor class would be an 11.
And we're going to call 10 damage there, first blood.
Okay.
Oh, all right.
This is going to be a very easy battle if she hits me on the first go.
She's going to do six slashing to you as she goes racing past and sort of ticks your cheek
with her claw.
And as she does so, she pirouettes in the air and lands splash in front of you.
And she's going to bring her arm down again for a extra attack.
That's my hero.
That's an eight.
Yeah, I'm done.
She brings it down.
Well...
That almost seems so unfair because I didn't even get a hit.
Well, Rulix was actually a fight back and forth, back and forth.
Yeah, this was a friendly first blood.
Yeah, this was a little bit beyond...
Wasn't it first blood or was it...
It was first blood.
It was.
But he cheated.
They missed and then they missed and then they hit.
They also had armor on.
They had armor.
They also had the sun.
Do we not have the sun?
No, you're underground.
This cave is no sunlight.
And she brings the blade down and hovers right above your head.
She's holding it like arm, nodding, goes...
I'm going to look totally unfazed.
You feel better?
A little.
I was kind of surprised I was able to touch you.
Do I take this damage?
No.
Okay.
She holds off from hitting it.
Twist is di...
Oh wait, it's over?
Alright, never mind.
I care then.
You missed out on an opportunity, but it's okay.
Oh, for her?
Yeah.
What opportunity did I miss out on?
I don't know.
Her.
I feel like though she wants...
Swissed her nips.
I think he...
I'm going to lean over to her rowing because I'm standing next to her.
I'm going to go, I think she wants to do that to someone else.
Have my theories on who.
I mean, that's pretty obvious.
I know.
Yeah, I'm so happy I'm not the only...
If you're picking up on it, it's pretty obvious.
Then it's probably obvious.
What?
Nothing!
Okay, well since I didn't actually get to use my blade at all, care to give me tips
and tricks on it?
Sure.
Well, I guess the best thing I can say to you is to keep the sun at your back.
Okay.
Rolik's hilling around.
Where's the sun?
Laugh while you want, Rolik, but it's very important, you know, something that you should
have considered in your fight.
I won that fight though.
You did.
Twice.
Hey!
Twice.
That was after...
You went for that.
I won the fight!
But you also gave my brother, I must say, quite stupid opening.
That was my plan!
And then he looked stupid.
He was the one with egg on his face.
She looks at you unconvinced.
But other than that, I would say don't hold your blade so far out.
That's a little better, yes, good job.
And... in case everyone's curious, I moved my hand closer to my body.
And just keep light on your toes.
Speed is often your best friend.
Yeah, I was one who is a strength heavy character.
I will, I will, I try to gracefully stand on my toes.
Imagine you standing in the water and just...
Yeah, like, like, like...
I'm gonna use mage hand.
And like, your center of gravity is already off, so the little tip of the mage hand just
makes you fall over.
Just topple over in the water.
Ah, yes, see, that's why I don't do that.
Good job, Mondor.
You're doing so well!
How did you... how do you have... how are you, Mary?
Yeah, that's actually a good question.
How are you, Mary?
Thanks for asking it for me.
This is some lucky moment, I guess.
Twice.
No Riz.
A figure has appeared at the bottom of the water.
A Riz.
A figure has appeared at the bottom of the steps down to the soul springs here.
Yeah, the steps that I wanted to look at.
They're clearly a Hishim.
They're dressed in their more lighter garb.
It's not like they're heavy leather outside wear that looks like a big tent.
They're dressed just, you know, just sort of in their cloth wrappings.
But they seem to be waving quite frantically at you guys.
I, uh, doggy paddle over because I don't know how to swim.
What do you want?
Mr. Mr. Rice or Suck...
Suck your rice.
Rice.
Sure, I'll take a message.
Y'all got rice?
Y'all getting rice?
Shaman Uris begs you to come visit him.
Immediately, apparently it's important.
Okay.
Just me?
I think this is the shaman from the tour.
Oh, I thought I was special.
Okay.
Uh, guys, pool time's over.
Lifeguard's calling us in.
Let's go.
No, the dragon's in the picture.
Fine.
They have to test the chlorine.
Okay.
Bye.
Adult swim already.
Adult swim.
Now this kind of looks confused back and forth that you guys are going to be doing.
This is something up?
I don't know.
Vice just told us to leave.
I don't know.
I can't see.
So I don't know what's happening.
Oh, well, um...
I'll, like, grab Drustix and carry them out of the vice.
Ah!
You want to tune us in on what's going on?
No.
Piggyback ride.
Alright, okay, Nevis, we're all gonna glue this on this one.
Um, okay.
I guess I'll come with.
Alright.
She will grab her clothes and follow along.
Oh, yeah.
I will get dressed and then give Drustix a...
I would like it if I assumed...
I assumed you had, like, some, like, skin-tight clothing on underneath, but I will pull on
my overcoat.
No, I would thought I should...
I assumed every single person was...
I think we're fixating on this just a little too much.
Guys, the Shaman needs our attention.
It's more important to talk about being naked, but...
It works.
He finally told us what's up.
Is that a what's up, really?
The Shaman needs us.
I don't know anything more than that.
Well, now we're all in this together.
It's better than I didn't even know someone was standing there because, you know, I wave
my fingers in front of my face.
I'm gonna go...
I'm gonna go see the Shaman.
Let's go.
Yeah.
The Hashim messenger takes you guys through the bowels of Eblash, through these winding,
twisting streets, and back out into that wide-open underground space that you saw before where
light was filtering in through the crystal ceiling of what had been previously quite
a big, out-sept burrow.
He then leads you through several different passages and into a long and very tall spiral
staircase that seems to wrap around many different crystals, which are all focusing in bright
beams of light into a large central spire, which pulses and vibrates with a sort of blue-green
energy.
And as you walk up, flight after flight, round and around, this sort of dull, pervasive hum,
this...
permeates the air, sort of sets your teeth on edge as you walk up.
And the light coming off of this is extremely eye-wateringly, blisteringly bright.
Vyce, I'm sure you took a glance at it.
You tried to maybe outstare it.
I don't know, but there are purple spots out of your eyes.
I'm putting my sunglasses on.
Probably a good call, because this is just burning your eyes to look at.
But, Texas, this is what it's like.
Holy shit, your life sucks.
Oh my god.
I can't see.
Drestix, this is bright to you as well.
This is the brightest thing you've ever seen.
Cool.
Uh, it's not quite.
I can...
I cannot see.
However, this is...
I cannot see.
However, this is...
Not quite.
This is quite bright.
This is still blind, but you know.
Oh, and just so everyone is aware, it is gray today.
Gray.
Just so everyone's aware.
So, what are we looking at, and why are we looking at it?
Apparently, the fucking sun.
Why are we looking at it?
Nebus, who is walking with you guys, sort of looks over shoulder at you from where she'd
been at the front talking to the guide, and she goes, oh, that's the lightning of Eblash.
We focus the light into this great light wells to help keep the city safe.
Oh, yeah, the thing that took out our airship.
Oh.
Yeah.
She sort of runs her can down the back of her feathers.
Sorry about that.
This is where the light goes when it gets channeled up into the focusing array.
Shaman Uris lives near the top.
Nebus, quick question.
Yes?
Say that we do unlock this door for you, and all the souls that you've collected so far
ascend to where they need to.
What's going to happen to your city?
It's going to power down.
It seems like you're relying a lot on these souls, and you don't have a backup right now.
You guys should... you guys have a backup generator?
We've thought about it considerably, and if that happy day does arrive, we plan to use
more of our light wells to store energy.
Good that you have a backup plan.
Well, thank you.
We thought quite a much about it, but, you know, it's been 400 years of thinking, right?
Oh, oh, Rulik!
Rulik!
And she sort of grabs your hand and drags you over to a door on the edge.
Throwing elbows at Strasstix, and is like, uh-huh!
And she pushes it open to reveal an aviary.
And as you sort of peer over her shoulder, you can see a whole line of stalls leading...
That's where you're going to live.
Leading to a cliff face, which you can see the open desert dropping off into the sheer
blue sky.
And in these stalls are Depar, those birds that you saw from before, those large black
two-legged birds with the very thick feathers that seem to be native to the glass sea.
She looks at you and she goes, look, this, um, I, well, obviously we don't have time
right now, but this is an absolutely amazing place.
There are thermals here.
Are constant.
They never stop.
You should go flying here sometime.
Go!
Who is that?
This...
Thermal?
Thermals?
You know, the big plumes of the hot air that lift up your feathers and make it easy to
fly.
Up to Updrafts.
Oh!
Right!
Those thermals.
Very familiar, yes.
As an aricoccer who grew up enslaved with your wings clipped, that might not be first
nature to you.
Well, you couldn't really fly around, yeah.
Restrained.
Whereas someone like Nebus, who, you know, does not have that life experience, clearly
does not take that into any thought at all.
Man, not living your life as a slave.
Couldn't imagine.
Couldn't it be?
Um, but, yeah, sorry, we're getting off track.
Come on!
And she rushes out of the room and catches up with Theron, buddy.
She's still holding my hand?
No, she is like...
Oh, okay.
Thank goodness.
I'm gonna keep walking.
I'm gonna catch up to her and kind of just like whisper in her ear, he's single.
And then back up.
Feathers up the neck.
Mondo's just chilling.
Mondo doesn't know what the fuck's going on.
What is she imagining is gonna happen, like, later on?
Just like...
That's when you kiss.
Wasn't it so hot when I killed your brother?
Why are you in bed?
You should be spunked!
Wait a minute, wait a minute, slow down!
Her emotions are all over the place these days, my man.
At the top of the steps...
That's an understatement.
The messenger comes to a stop and gives you guys a great bow.
You see that the large ornate door here, which is made of wood, surprisingly, which is a
very rare thing for that out here, is guarded by that golem we saw before, the large number
14, painted on his chest.
And he sort of looks at you guys with his fiery, unblinking eyes and turns his playhead
left and right.
And then his hand reaches down to his slate and it blurs so fast you can barely even see
it.
And then you hear the words appear on the slate of just, I have been ordered to let
you in, Tally Ho Ho's.
The shaman is waiting for you.
Please enter now.
Alright, I'm gonna walk in.
Thank you.
He steps aside and you enter the inner sanctum of Uris Nazbeli.
It's gotta talk by a bird.
You open the doors and looking around, there is Uris standing on the edge of an open balcony,
peering out into the desert with his back to you.
As he hears you come in, he sort of turns and looks over his shoulder and he's still
dressed in his exterior outside regalia with all of his pari amulets and other ceremonial
paraphernalia adorning his chest.
Ah, the Tally Ho Ho's, come, I come.
I can't do that on command.
Nope, I'm not gonna make that.
Here?
Now?
I'm not gonna make that.
Where's the lord?
Can we change the lighting?
It's not his moment.
No warplay?
It's the healing surge, isn't it man?
It's getting me.
Oh my god.
Apple almost just came out of my hand.
It's an aphrodisiac.
I have, oh goodness, that's my new set.
I've gotten.
I've gotten more death.
Is that true?
You're going more death there.
I was getting the shovel 14.
That hit this like a chum look.
No, we're working our way up to the top.
I have a question for you.
What do you mean for him, yes?
Yes.
For all of you.
Uh huh.
It's more of a request.
Uh huh.
A side quest?
The raiders, wild men have been spotted coming our way and with all of the seahawks out still
hunting for our supplier of that vicious traitor, I am finding myself a little low on manpower.
Maybe change your wording on that one.
You mean bird power?
Yes.
I have friend allies, allies, soldiers.
Believe me, I made that mistake one time and it's something I don't live down.
Nebus, I know.
The chips are.
Chips have been opened.
Chips are afloat.
I know I'm fat, but come on.
Nebus, having been voluntarily retired from her position.
Wait, what?
I'm not sure.
This has been a very difficult situation.
Wait, what?
So she can search for her brother's supplier.
Full time.
Oh, it's nice.
Oh, so we miss your retirement party, Nebus.
It's a party.
It's important to me.
No, I would have gotten you a gift with all my attention.
Very specific.
Yes, Shaman, may I continue?
I would like you as well, Nebus, to assist.
Oh, are you sure about that one?
She must have knocked me the fuck out of the pond.
She's a little angry right now.
Well, this would give her something to take her anger out on.
Not wrong.
Nevis?
Um, I'm ready to crack some skulls.
I know!
Trust me, I'm aware!
Wait, okay.
While we have everyone in this room, and we are going to defend against raiders, I have
a question for everyone.
I need to reiterate your answers, and I need answers from everyone else.
Okay.
Speak your mind, Dre.
If you were to go down in a fight, am I allowed to revive you?
Yes.
Nevis, if you go down in a fight, would you let me revive you?
I would prefer if you were to put my soul into my lamp.
Okay.
I can do that.
If that is what you request, then I would do that for you.
Do you have that lamp on hand?
Because we don't, like, carry it?
Yeah, we might need it on hand.
I could bring it.
She sort of reaches into her robes and pulls out a very small looking ornate lamp.
It's currently dark.
Be calm.
Okay.
No, thank you.
If you do go down, we'll make sure your soul gets in to go down.
So just an insight real quick, Mondor, because that was a good question.
The larger ones, you can sort of infer hold multiple souls, whereas the small ones are
kept personally on each individual.
Okay.
I guess the big ones are for, like, mass groups of people who, like, I guess don't have the
money for their own lantern.
Yeah, and it's for general storage.
So if you think about it, like you asked before, how do they have so many lanterns?
They don't.
They don't have one for everybody.
They reuse them.
They've got these big ones to store lots of people.
Cool.
Okay.
All right.
Just needed to get that question out there.
If we're gonna be protecting against raiders, I feel like that's what we should do.
I will do what I can to assist you from here.
And he reaches up to his chest and he takes off several of the little amulets that he's
got around his neck and he holds them out to you.
These are party amulets.
They will protect you from the Djinn of the desert.
Oh.
Please, take, take.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah, sure.
All right.
I'll just add that on to my other amulet that I wear.
Clankity clankity.
Yeah, I got the clankies going on now.
So from a game perspective, this will keep those sort of ghosts that keep popping up
to attack you guys.
Oh, thank the Lord.
This will help keep them away.
Oh, boy.
Well, I can't do damage to those things.
I'm really glad for that.
Yes, you can.
You have a magic weapon now.
You've got your Galena blade.
But I'm very thankful because I don't have to waste my seeing eyes.
You should just be able to see them from the balcony here.
I have been watching them make their way across the desert.
Why are they attacking?
Are they really just raiders?
Yes, they attack from time to time to steal supplies and kill our folk.
Where are these raiders from?
They live in the wilds of the desert.
Would you like to make an insight check?
You're going to give me this weird look here.
I'll make an insight check.
Sure.
I just want to make sure it's on the up and up and we're not getting rid of like brand
new ones.
Nat 20.
Woo!
Oris Nazbeli appears to be being completely open and honest with you guys.
He holds you all in very high regard after the service you provided to the clan.
And he holds Rolik in even higher regard for being what he considers to be a blessed ancestor,
basically a reincarnation of a good spirit, the Pahri, and somebody who previously lived
in the tribe.
So yeah, he seems to be very open and honest with you.
I give a look towards Rolik and he's just very understanding.
All right.
All right, thank you.
Do you see them out there?
And he's going to try to gesture out into the distance.
Dress.
No!
Stop!
No!
Please!
Put your eyeballs away!
More than 30 feet!
You don't have to ask!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no you don't!
Yeah, Rowan perception!
Can I also do that?
Yeah everybody.
Just for shits and giggles.
Oh, I like shits and giggles.
17.
Okay, that's actually kind of funny.
8.
Eight!
Ah, eight, also eight!
Okay.
So we're kind of like, maybe?
I would have gotten the 22.
I would have seen them if I wasn't blind!
I see something!
Vyse and Rowan are the ones who see things the clearest, although Rolik still has his
that he has failed to use for some strange reason.
I didn't know I still had that.
Yes you do. You wanna pull it out?
Yeah.
Alright, go ahead.
Alright, we'll talk to you in a second.
The two of you guys-
This fucker needs help.
He can't just see these naturally.
I'll watch these.
Two figures with their arms held high above themselves.
They're dressed in long flowy tan robes.
One of them appears to sort of gleam,
like almost like a coppery color.
And the other one appears to be sort of dark and hooded.
And around them, numerous dust devils appear to be swirling.
Oh boy.
And a collection of very hairy, dirty-looking men
are trudging carrying long scimitars at their sides.
Oh.
Really?
With your telescope, which you have finally found,
you know, rummaging through your pockets and pulled out,
you are able to peer out further than your friends.
And can identify that there appears to be a brass dragonborn.
And a very- you're just going to call him ugly.
He's got the biggest nose you have ever seen.
That looks like small songbirds have recently nested in his nostrils.
Ehh.
And they both appear to be sort of swaving their arms about.
And you see what looks like small floating figures who are-
Looks like a dark ride.
Who are hovering amongst those dust storms.
They've got long noses themselves with almost bat-like wings.
And they appear to be sort of bobbing along,
ringing and trailing the dust in the glass with them.
Yo, we got a lot of fucking-
Nerds.
Ugly-ass noses out there.
Oh, good.
How many?
His nose is so big.
How many people are there?
How many are there so there?
That's a great question.
There's two- I guess the two, like me.
There's the two, what you were gonna call spellcasters.
Okay.
Lovely.
Because they seem to be in a wave, waving their arms around.
They each are surrounded by a pair of four of those dust devils.
So for eight total.
And there also appears to be a group of 12 men carrying those swords who are walking with them.
Oh shit.
12 men, 8 dust devils, 2 spellcasters.
So 20.
Do you think you can do it?
Probably.
How far out are they at the moment?
They are like four miles out.
Okay.
They're quite far.
You guys just deal with these raiders all the time.
It normally happens every two to three months they make a raid.
Do you not kill them?
Probably keep them back stronger.
These guys seem pretty strong.
We tend to drive them away.
Oh, we'll fix that for you, don't worry.
We kill some, they kill some of us.
It's a vicious cycle.
So if you manage to clean up some of these for us, we would be greatly appreciated.
I will do what I can to help you from here.
And he reaches into his pocket and he draws forth a small circular stone with a hole in the middle.
He holds it up and goes, this is a sending stone.
You may speak into it.
I take it.
I eat it.
You may speak into it and I will hear your words from wherever you are.
You may use it to help direct me with the light of Eblash.
I will bring it to your assistance.
The light of Eblash.
Yeah, it took me a hot minute, but I got it.
Okay, I'll take the stone.
You take the stone.
All right, he gives you the stone.
You now have access to the light of Eblash.
You can call the tactical nuke, what the fuck?
Tactical nuke!
What's the range on this?
Yes.
That's actually the correct answer.
All right, well, Nebus, if you could take them up to the top,
I believe we should send them via the Fus Yar Fegra, if you agree.
They never traveled that way before.
I'm sure they will get the hang of it.
Go.
Take them and be about your business.
Do you have any further questions for me?
What is a...
And I say the words that you just said to Nebus.
The Fus Yar Fegra?
Yeah, what's that?
And he sort of smiles and he goes, that is the light of Eblash.
Huh?
He puts his hand on your shoulder and you looking,
you know, into your own reflection through his visor and he just goes,
you will see it.
And he gives you a pat pat pat.
Spooky, ominous, but okay.
Go.
You will do this well.
I have great faith in you.
The Tali Ho Ho's are quite impressive.
The Tali Ho Ho's.
Okay.
The Tali Ho Ho's and their two friends and the Ho's that we picked up along the way.
The Ho's that we picked up along the way.
That was with, what do we say, the Hokidats?
The Hokidats.
We have it.
I'm going to be written somewhere.
Kieran, you stay here.
Yeah.
Do you want to come with?
Do you think he would be of use?
He's a pygmy elephant.
It'd be one thing if he came.
I mean, we could bring him with if you want, but he's gonna, he's gonna get her and
Nebus is just staring at your small pygmy elephant.
Like it's the cutest thing she's ever seen.
Kieran's staying here.
Kieran is staying here.
Can't Kieran turn to a panda?
I will look after Kieran for you.
Who was this thing?
I give Kieran a pat on the head.
Don't worry, we'll be back bud, okay?
And he reaches back into his back pocket and he pulls forth a small handful of peanuts.
I have some experiences you already know.
Yes.
He's the one who brought Kieran back to you guys.
I was like, hey?
Okay.
And Kieran runs right over and just.
Kieran's like, I want to go with you.
Well, he's got fucking peanuts.
He's got food.
Holy shit, you have peanuts.
Food motivated right there.
Oh yeah.
Nebus walking to the door just sort of smiles and sends the messenger on his way and turns
and goes, okay, so we should have some help in maybe half an hour.
It's going to take people long to get there on foot, but let's, let's, let's get on up
to the top and we'll, we'll see what we can do in the meantime before help arrives.
Sure, do.
All right.
And she takes you guys up further through a small stone door that she puts her hand
against and which had looked like part of the wall sort of opens up to reveal a secret
passage and you guys travel up this narrow flight of steps, which probably would not
have accommodated Kieran quite well.
It's pretty narrow here and tight and you guys find yourself smiling up and up and up
and so you come out into a flat room at the top of the light of Eblash and you can see
that the beam of light seems to stretch up into this room through a hole in the floor
and is reflected all around you by these myriad of crystals that seem to just send it in a
big loop, this big circle and light flows up and around and around and around and around
and around looking around you see these glyphs and brasswork and something that looks very
complicated machinery essentially to focus the light out to a far distant point.
Wherever they want.
You know how to work this thing, right, Nevis?
Oh, it's not my job.
It's his.
And she sort of gestures over and there's a very elderly looking Hashiin judging by the
clothes he is wearing and the beard kind of dribbling out from underneath his rags.
He looks up and goes, ah, more folks for the light, eh?
Where exactly are we going?
Where are we going?
We're gonna go out and we're going to kill some bandits.
Yeah, ah, bandits.
Oh, wonderful.
I assume you'll be taking the boots then.
Yes, that's right.
We'll be taking the boots.
Ah, okay.
Boots.
Have you ever worn the boots before?
Yes.
I have worn boots.
No, no, you haven't.
Please, please, hold up.
Vyce is like, let me skip this tutorial.
I'm just gonna say, yes, I have.
Nevis looks a little concerned and she goes, no, no, no, no, no, please, please, please help
them put this on.
And he goes, oh, well, you're okay.
And he walks over to this rack on the wall where these large black leather boots have
been set up.
I've worn those before.
He takes off a couple of pairs and he walks over by the straps, dragging them along, and
he holds them up to you guys, this frail little man.
He's holding up four pairs of boots and goes, here, go ahead and see if these fit.
Are these four pairs?
Yeah, four pairs.
He's gonna go back and get some more.
They're a little hard to get into.
You can see these boots have what looks like a line of black crystal, kind of running down
the center line, only from like toe to heel of the boot, almost like skates.
I think I'm gonna lean away and just compare.
They are identical.
Yeah, okay.
I see what's happening.
I think I do too.
So, you can just go ahead and put these on.
And you're going to essentially balance on the light as we point you out into the ether.
You're just gonna jump off when you think you got far enough.
Okay, right now I'm gonna roll like shit and dive before it even starts.
Yeah, I guarantee it.
All right, I'm gonna put these boots on.
So, you guys get your boots strapped up and Nebus is working furiously here.
She gets her boots on like that.
Bam.
She's done.
She's up.
I'm still mid-first.
It's like on my foot and I'm looking at it.
I'm like, oh, wait, I'm gonna high-laced this.
I'm like...
Nebus kneels down in front of you.
She's sort of helping the group here.
Rowan, she kind of gives you a couple of glances as...
Rolik, you mean?
You said Rowan.
Rowan, yeah, she's looking at you.
But she's looking from you to Rolik, from you to Rolik.
And she's like, she's kind of giving you like a questioning sort of look.
But Rolik, you apparently doing fine with your boots.
You're having no problems because yours are built different from everybody else's.
They're not built different.
You know, they're built for birds.
So yours are more so like just almost like a glove that slide on amongst your claws.
Oh, so they're significantly more uncomfortable for us.
Yes, they're more uncomfortable for you.
Cool.
All for our discomfort.
All right, if you could just come on up to steps here.
And...
How weirdly are we walking now because these shoes don't fit us?
Have you ever walked in ice skates?
Yes.
Like that.
Oh, I love ice skates.
So you're just like...
Just like your ankles.
I try to grab onto somebody and moving someone in the process.
It's like, oh, sorry.
You better grab a coat nearby.
You better grab a coat.
A chair, maybe?
You walk up this small flight of metal steps to the top here where it just there's a platform
and it just nothing else just stop a big drop off.
And a little wizened man just goes, all right, well, best of luck out there,
nebbies, if you'll take it from here.
I can't see.
Well, he reaches up and he grabs this big lever and he pop, pop, pop, pop,
aah, pulls the button all the way down.
And he died.
You just hear his vertebrae snap in here.
This little wizened man, he pulls the lever and the light, which are going like...
Pull the lever, Crunk.
Circle, circle, circle, circle, circle, circle, suddenly goes...
Past you guys in this massive beam right at foot level for you at this platform here.
Suddenly there's this basically road of like a light bridge, if you will, extending out
into the desert and Nebus takes one look at you guys and she goes, all right, well,
just position your boots perpendicular to the light and balance and you'll be fine.
Ready?
Go!
That's our thing!
Goes rocketing along.
Well, I guess Nebus isn't going to get this.
That's fine.
Hey y'all, listen, we face worse things than this.
Just follow me, we'll be fine.
Don't put Dre at the end, put Dre in the middle.
I got Dre!
That's why I was going to ask how high up would you say that this is?
That tower is like five, six hundred feet in the air.
I won't be able to tell where to drop.
Rowan, maybe take the end, we'll get down there, we'll kick ass, tally ho ho's,
and I'm going to give you guys...
On three.
Oh yeah, on three.
I'm into your truth.
No!
Get the fuck out of here!
No, no, not you.
No, no, no, no, no, not you.
Not you, not you, James.
Aw, boo.
Aw, man.
All right, ho's on three.
One, two, three, ho's!
And you guys get plus five temporary hitters.
Let's go!
Oh, that was inspirational speech?
Yeah.
Oh, you bastard.
And I will jump on.
All right, you jump on.
Go ahead and give me an acrobatics.
No, fuck you.
Oh, man.
All right, everyone gets a plus three.
Wait, no, it's a check, not a saving throw.
Never mind.
What are you rolling?
Dexterity, it's acrobatics.
Oh, oh, bet.
Fuck.
Oh, man, I need...
Never mind.
I need new dice!
Hell yeah!
I'm going to use my inspiration.
I need new dice, man.
Much better, 23.
We're going to fall straight at our actions.
I told you this was not going to go well.
I have a plus zero, but I only got 20, so this is great.
Hey!
OK.
We're going to go around.
Vice, what did you get?
13.
Vice jumps on, and he goes, vroom, rocking off.
He has legs, wibbly wobbling.
He has arms flaring, but he is doing great.
He just flung right after.
Yeah, Vice!
Rulik, what did you get?
23.
23?
I'm not sure.
Rulik, you are basically a natural at this.
Your wings are splayed out almost like real wings.
You're flying for balance.
Whoa!
And you're just like, hey, you're fucking chilling.
You are just doing great.
You're just wings out, hands on hips.
You're doing great.
Just flying along.
Yeah.
Nat 20.
Oh my god.
Rowan, you are styling.
You are going backwards.
You are sliding left and right.
Hey, this is fun.
The length of the thickness of this beam is such that you are actually able to jump from
foot to foot, sliding back and forth.
And do like a triple lutz or something.
You actually managed to pass both Rowan.
Rulik and Vice.
I know this fits.
I think Rowan's in the caboose, right?
No, I am in the caboose.
So then we have a catcher.
Just let her cook.
Wait, just wait.
Let her cook.
Molly, help.
Let her cook.
Come on, Dora.
Let me clarify something really quick.
We are holding onto each other.
Because I went up.
You can see.
So he grabbed onto me.
You are holding onto each other.
No, no, no.
Trust me.
I rolled an eight.
And I rolled a nine.
You rolled an eight?
Well, that's lovely.
Eight and nine is 17.
So okay.
We have the fire.
Oh my god.
Straddling both of you.
You're just wobbling.
When one of you is about to fall off that way, you're the front kick.
You, oh no, no, no.
Pull it back.
Oh shit.
You're at the front, the other way.
Oh, of course.
That's really funny.
So glad.
That your friend Rowan just went right through your hands here.
I'm so happy that you grabbed onto me before we rolled.
I'm so glad I clarified that.
Because we.
Yeah, he did grab onto me before we started moving.
And together.
I thought we were going to eat shit.
The Tally Ho Ho's go rocking out.
And their side hoes.
Into the glass sea.
We're going to take a quick break.
And we'll see you guys.
In just a couple minutes.
It's me.
The old man.
They were.
They were kind of dicks to me back there, weren't they?
Be a real shame someone were to, you know, pull this lever again.
Whoops.
I don't know how it happens.
Hotsie-Hero too.
My fingers slipped.
I am old after all.
Or maybe there was a cloud.
And they just ran out of sunlight.
It would be a real shame.
I should be so easy for me to promise.
No, no, I'm not going to do that.
Because I'm deep down a nice person.
But.
But I really could.
I really could.
You guys go racing down the light bridge here.
Out into the glass sea.
And as Nebus reaches the end of your location.
She takes one kind of casual step off.
Kicks her legs up and flips over backwards.
Splaying her legs out and floats down gently onto the glass.
I just think she's just being flirty.
Oh.
That's right.
It's funny, you're thinking that and I'm thinking, oh shit, I think I'll be on a dismount.
No, I think that's what my plan was.
I just think I'm going to pull a huge dismount.
All right.
The beam of light is pointing directly into the ground at about, I'm going to call it
a 45 degree angle from the tower.
And you are racing fast towards it.
You're going zzz right towards this thing.
Explain to me guys how you dismount so that way you don't injure yourselves vice.
I click my heels three times.
Click, click, click.
And I just fall backwards.
You fall backwards?
Just onto the ground?
No, I do like a, I fall backwards.
I do like a backflip and land on my feet.
Okay, give me an acrobatics check.
I got something to describe.
You should have named that one, yeah.
How about I roll again?
How about no.
For free.
Convince me.
Well as he falls he hears running around at the speed of sound.
That'll do it.
The rollercoaster's up there playing like mad and sees his friend like slipping off of the
beam of light here.
Go ahead, give us that re-roll.
Got nowhere to go, land on your feet now.
16.
That'll do it.
A quadruple what I had.
Oh my god.
Bam, you just gotta stumble and you land anywhere guys behind where the compass is,
that's kind of the northernmost tip of the compass.
Go ahead and position yourself up there on the board.
Thought I would stick the landing.
You pushed me off.
Rolik, how do you, as you're playing your music for vice,
how do you land so that way you don't injure yourself?
Probably do almost like a Spider-Man kind of jump.
It's like leap and then.
The backflip.
Backflip.
Leap of faith kind of moment and then flip back around and wings out.
Wings out just gently.
And then here landing.
Gonna finish off.
So much flair.
Gotta have the flair, yeah you're flirting right back.
Am I?
Maybe.
No he's just being cool.
Fuck that was so cool dude.
Fuck that's so hot.
I know.
That's why I do it.
Rowan, how do you land so as not to hurt yourself?
I kind of just like glide off and then kind of just land like a dancer would after landing a jump anyway.
So you go like sliding the ground and sort of go like kind of like to land casually.
Yeah.
Okay, so go ahead and give me an acrobatics check.
Aim for the bushes.
12.
12? 12 is enough.
You come to sort of a petering stop and you manage to actually run right out of your boots.
Uh oh, okay.
Mondor, what do you do?
Uh well I still have a whole lot of ticks here because ticks can't see.
Would a 30 foot distance give me enough time to get off without hurting myself?
Well you guys are currently holding each other together.
I'm sure Mondor has let you know the end of the line is coming up.
What do you guys do together to prevent yourself from getting hurt?
I'm going to hop off and try not to eat shit because I'm not graceful at all.
Ah that is very descriptive.
I appreciate your honesty.
Alright and just jump and I'll be like okay.
As they go I will be playing.
There goes my hero.
Watch the man he loves.
So are we both rolling then?
I guess so.
You're just falling off.
We're rolling decks.
Not the sacribatics.
It's not falling, it's gliding with style.
Can I give either of them to Bardic?
Please.
Please do.
No please.
No you, I don't think Bardic will help you.
Bardic might help me.
So for context, you rolled one and I rolled a three.
Yeah I'm giving it to you.
Jesus Christ guys.
I even got new dice.
Who's going to get new dice again?
Get newer dice.
I am.
Stop getting new dice.
This is horrible.
All your dice feel betrayed.
So a six total.
Okay that is not enough.
I did not think it was.
Dress sticks, the wall of the desert comes at you like a freight train as suddenly you know
that 30 feet of render distance is just not enough.
You're, ah bam, just tumble tumble tumble right out of your boots and you land at your friend
Rowan's feet.
My hero, my hero, oh my hero.
My hero ate shit.
That's gonna be three bludgeoning as you go smashing into it.
Oh no you're 10.
Oh no.
Yeah that took out most of my temp.
It's okay I might lose a whole of my temp because I rolled a one.
Or is that both of us?
No that's that that was just them.
Yeah.
That was just Drake.
That's what I thought.
Mondor, you in an attempt to help your friends here have put yourself off balance and you end
up slipping.
Your legs go flying up and you fall backwards onto the beam and you get blasted into the
sands before the beam winks out.
You are going to take six radiant and two bludgeoning as you smash into this thing and
you are just left there in a pool of molten glass perfectly you know wrapped around your
body steaming.
We now have a Mondor shaped impression permanently burned into the surface of the glass city.
Yeah.
Well I definitely make an impression.
Get through that and I'm looking up at Rowan like.
Mondor with the catchphrases.
Okay.
Pretty good joke.
How you doing up there?
Ow.
I'm looking at Rowan as I landed at her feet.
And then I'm going to help him up.
Stand up.
That tracks for who we are.
Yeah.
That sounds about right.
Although that doesn't meet our criteria.
That doesn't mean.
Are you absolutely sure about that?
Back in the day when we were young hoes.
They also are probably missing the fact that a hoe also just.
I know.
Like an actual tally ho ho just fucked up too.
Of course.
I didn't want to be a hoe anyway.
That's fine.
It's cool I guess.
You already are a hoe.
I'm not a hoe.
You're not a tally hoe.
You're a ho cadet.
Yeah sure.
We're just going to keep in mind for your mid-year performance review.
Vice with the tree.
Your raise might be affected.
All right.
So.
Well now that I'm standing I stood up.
Okay.
And I'm steaming a little bit.
Yes you were just you know steaming.
Yeah.
We had three days to do shit.
So that means you didn't put the tree.
Do we see the bandits?
You do.
You guys have landed.
Trying to change the topic as quickly as possible.
You guys have landed in this sort of canyon here in the glassy very flat path that looks
like it leads all the way back over towards Eblash.
There are several large spires that you can see here.
Look at the nice little key I have drawn you folks.
The bandits have arranged themselves with their two spell casters towards the back.
We have our bronze dragon which is going to be our little puppy dog Dai.
Who is sort of over here on top of this cliff.
And he is surrounded by a couple of those like dust devil swarms that you saw when you
on your way up at the tower.
And you also see nose hair guy who is up here on top of this little spire and staring with
their mouths you know probably understandably just wide open at the people who just materialized
in front of them like freaking Thor and Loki just out of the ether you know just you know
casually having their day.
They're thinking ha ha ha we're gonna go fuck up Eblash.
We're gonna go get some bitches and get some gold and that fucked it gold and steal the
bitch one of the two and then boom just bam in front of them these people up here in a
brilliant flash of light.
They're scared shitless or they would be if one of them wasn't in a pool of molten glass.
Yeah am I am I just like covered in like hot glass now?
You're okay.
You're you're you're you're in your armor you're you're you're a little a little steamy
a little a little cooked but it's okay.
Is Mondor trapped or no?
Mondor was not trapped they were able to get up before it set.
And you can see that these groups there are two groups of them two groups of six.
They are positioned one right here and another one right here.
Two groups of six there are 12 yes.
12 of those are the 12 bandits.
Bandits yeah do we know the species?
They look human.
I mean I wouldn't know this but.
They look humanoid.
Okay yeah they look human.
You don't see any tails or anything like that.
They don't look like uh scraggs or anything strange.
They don't you know see any horns.
I will throw this out there Mr. Druid Mr. Vice you do note you've been talking with some
of the folks here learning a bit more about this sort of terrain.
You pick out the distinctive shapes of outsept burrows these large conal depressions in the
grounds with a pair of what looks like little itty pitty like whiskers or something coming
out of it that you know are actually the very tips of a inset of an outsept larvae's fangs
which are there at the bottom ready to bite anybody who falls into them.
You see one right over here and you get the feeling that it's probably going to be more around.
So if you keep your eyes open tonight you want to tell your friends this that's up to you.
You also make out several patches of very fine powdery glass which has been called to you as
glitter glass and you know it's very similar to quicksand back in your normal home towards
the swamps down by gray water that if you step into it that stuff will not hold your weight.
You will disappear into whatever crag or crevice that that stuff is filled up to hold.
Guys there are dangers afoot.
Thank you.
You want to elaborate or?
Danger.
Okay.
Cool.
That's a very native.
No.
All right.
So there are possibly man-eating bugs around.
I actually see one right in the distance so possibly is definitely.
Okay cool I can't see it.
That wasn't to you.
I can't read.
I can't.
I just had to make sure it was over 30 feet.
I'm doing my part.
I'm doing my tart.
I ain't doing fucking shit.
Watch where you step.
There are patches of glass that aren't as sturdy as they appear to be.
And that's the stuff in the red right?
So like that whole patch and then over there.
That's correct.
Yeah.
Okay cool.
Again.
Don't step in it.
I can't see that but as a player I can.
That's correct.
Yeah at a game that's where that stuff is.
All right good luck.
A magically enhanced voice out on the wind calls out.
Ah look who we have here.
Ew.
Yo drink some water.
We were coming to see.
What's up with your throat dog?
And as he calls out over the wind here.
Mondor the mask at your side begins to heat.
And it actually begins to grow quite hot against your leg.
Oh oh I kind of grab it.
I'm not gonna like is there like a band I can hold it.
There is that's like a scrap.
I'm gonna hold it by a strap away from me.
Is it like red hot?
It is starting to glow a faint yellowish orange.
Yes.
Our masks make a mask.
The hell is happening?
No but they are they are magical.
Go ahead and roll the insight.
I'm about to say what does it specifically do?
Um 15.
15?
Go ahead and read the description of your mask.
Because if you recall your mask helps to protect you from magical sight.
From people trying to describe and to follow you.
Yeah actually so it does.
Oh.
So you get the you could definitely be able to assume from this that somebody is trying
to watch you right now.
Oh guys someone is somebody magical with magical sight is trying to watch those me or us.
I guess I can't decide for that.
Well I'm gonna go with watching us.
Right now.
Yeah protection from magical sight.
Target of fear must make a wisdom saving throw.
Yeah in character I would know nothing.
Out of character it's probably one of those two back there.
The wizards yeah.
In character I can't see them so I don't know what they're doing.
So careful caution they have magic.
Might be our spell casters at least but.
That's what I'm thinking.
There are spells.
So that's a good thing I'm not wearing it on my face.
Well they can clearly see you as well.
My mask is not.
There's probably more.
My mask isn't helping me out right now is it?
I just have to wear it huh?
Your no your mask is helping you right now.
Okay.
The reason you get the sense of the reason that it's so hot is because it's currently
actively protecting against it.
So the spell that that our lovely druid put on that mask is currently fighting somebody else's magic.
It's this specific thing here that you would have to be wearing it.
This I think just is unless it says specify like mine is while wearing the mask.
If yours doesn't specify that then you have to wear it.
The magic battle put on it is currently keeping you safe from somebody else's magical sight.
These two guys can see you clearly.
Uh oh.
So there's someone else.
So there's someone else or somebody.
Do I know that or is that just.
You know that you like you get you can.
As Mondor knows that.
Yeah you can infer that.
Okay so I can infer that it's not those two guys it's somebody else.
Yes.
There's somebody else around or it's.
Somebody else around or who's using magical sight that's not the two wizards.
Either that or there's somebody trying to keep tabs on you from afar that's not related to these guys.
Facts.
Quick question are you hunted by a vampire wood right now?
I don't think so I'm hunted by a regular wizard though.
Okay my hypothetical is over.
You've been gone for too long.
We will give you a proposition.
Who the fuck are you?
He bites his teeth a few times here.
I am a hoe of the desert tribe.
Sounds about right.
You're a hoe?
He's a hoe.
This is runs through fire.
That sounds.
Give us the outsiders and we will show you mercy.
Why is he called runs through fire?
Are we are we the outsiders?
Are we the outsiders?
Are we the problem?
That sounds really stupid.
Am I the problem?
You can take the outsiders over my dead body bitch.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
That's Gambier Reign.
Who are the outsiders?
And he just raises his finger and he points at you two.
We are the problem.
Awesome.
You can answer my riddles three.
Oh how about you give us them and I let you die peacefully.
There's never a death that's peaceful so try again.
They should call you funny guy because that was hilarious.
I see you will not listen to me.
I didn't think he expected to get the city.
Man kill all of them but the outsiders and bring me them as they are.
Roll the initiative.
Fabulous.
Everybody gets a plus three.
As a quick aside while you guys are rolling there are several patches of that Fiyoga Maru.
Those berries that you saw the seahawks using scattered around anywhere that the glitter glass
is growing.
I'll put this here in case you need to be remembered of what that does.
So this is my fourth die that I'm going to be using.
I'm not switching out just yet but I did not roll very well.
Bisonmise quarrel with who's going to roll lower in initiative.
I might have rolled lower.
I am also a plus zero.
As in rolling lower?
I'm going to win.
Initiative?
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh I have plus one.
I have a plus one.
But a plus four technically.
I think we're just about ready here for fights.
What did you get?
Five.
Oh okay no you win.
Rulik.
19.
19 congratulations man.
Mondor.
Where's mine?
Six.
Rowan and Nebus.
Rowan got a 23.
Nebus got a 24.
Whoa.
I rolled a nat 20 for Rowan.
She was still lower than Nebus.
Diggity-dab that's insane.
Win the plus three now has a plus eight.
Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh ray.
Nine.
I'm glad I didn't roll a low lowest.
Are we going to stop eye contact soon or have you made your point?
I made my point.
Top of the round Nebus.
Okay she's going to pull out a long bow and take a shot at I guess one of the six just to get them
17 to hit.
That's definitely going to be a hit.
All right then that is 13 piercing damage.
13 piercing?
Right so Nebus rolls back her bow.
The only group that she can currently see from where she is because you guys are all in that
corner right there is this group right here on the right hand side.
They're kind of half hidden behind that large spire and suddenly before they can even charge
forward a feathered arrow just blossoms in one of their chests and he gives a gurgle
half of a scream and he goes collapsing down into the dust.
He's dead.
She takes her extra attack to hit.
24 that's a hit.
What number is that?
That's a six.
All right so then 11 damage for the second.
One.
11 damage for the second.
A second arrow blossoms in their chest and another bandit goes collapsing into the dirt.
The other ones are of course this is the first couple of seconds of combat.
Looks of horror are beginning to appear on their faces as two of their men are already down.
Let's go Nebus!
And that's her turn.
She's good to stay back.
Rowan we are on to you next.
All right I'm gonna move my feet like uh and then I'm going to drop a moon beam on the other group.
On the group over there?
Yeah I need a constitution saving throw from all of them.
Point to me I'm sorry which group are you dropping on?
The left group.
This group right here?
Yeah.
You cannot see them from where you currently are.
I moved over.
You moved oh you move where's the island no that's that's flat okay yeah you can see them.
Yeah how are you dropping?
Yeah how which which direction is the light flowing?
She grabs a mic from out of her back pocket boom.
I was gonna say she kind of potentially use that with her skates.
If it's this far away I don't think it just drops from the sky it's like an upward cylinder.
Dre had talked about that earlier about trying to use them as walking bettles.
Never mind yeah.
We said they could if they specified which way the light went.
She's dropping it there we won't be able to move.
Yeah that's a that's a fail to save for them.
Okay so then they take 18 radiant damage.
18 radiant damage all right this blast of magical light comes piercing through the clouds
in this massive cone and strikes the ground fusing it underneath these guys' feet
as they explode into flames.
That group has disappeared.
Wonderful.
Is just completely wiped off the map dusted worse than Hawkeye's family.
Damn!
Nice yikes.
What a dark resident yeah.
Harsh.
Yeah a little bit I mean isn't that bandits you're gonna get over here on the bandit side?
No I meant Hawkeye's family.
They came back unlike those bandits will.
And that's my turn.
Yep.
Ha diggity damn.
I know yeah I'm good I guess you're good I'm doing that a lot sorry I'm giving advice.
I'm just you don't have to fight.
It's the alcohol isn't it?
Yes I don't know.
Apparently you haven't had this problem before.
Are you kidding me I've doxed him before.
He wants to be doxed.
Yeah.
All right all right I'm gonna take this opportunity I'm gonna give myself my armor
so I'm moving to like doby doby summon.
Dobby Dobby Dobby.
My armor I get this so that blue almost looking like fire but cold is almost coming off of it.
Kind of ethereal armor comes on me and I'm going to fly over here.
Okay.
Oh you know what before I I'll start playing the Gerudo theme from Legend of Zelda.
And I'll give.
How does Gerudo Sandstorm go again?
Gerudo Sandstorm.
Oh for real these two all bark.
Oh what do you say to.
I'm just playing a sick beat man.
Yeah it's pretty inspiring.
Na na na na like.
Yeah.
It's hype as hell.
Thank you Roolac.
That was on purpose.
Wacking bitches.
With the bitches.
No it's not what he said.
Oh it's not what he said okay all right I'll keep going.
I know what he said.
I'm sure I am sure.
Actually I've seen it already but I'm invested.
I can edit it out if you want.
It'll be funny.
Don't edit this part out just edit what he said out.
Ah okay.
I did a zinger.
No fuck you.
Our nosy looking wizard here at the top of the spire raises up what looks to be a crystal orb
in his hand and you hear his rather nasally voice kind of whisper out onto the whim as he goes.
And as he does this sort of almost like wall of light begins to appear
right here in front of you Roolac and it begins to split open and you start to stare through
what appears to be a tunnel that goes down and down and there's something at the bottom
of this fiery smoking tunnel that is crawling as pulling itself up out and as his voice cries out
and as his voice cries out shock oozub bok't on little shish this thing with four arms
and mighty fangs rips itself up out of the ground and lands in front of you and roars.
No.
It stands at 10 feet tall it's heavily muscular and I should have a image of it for you in a
couple of seconds if you just give me it looks almost like a giant gorilla.
Oh that's worse than what I imagined.
Is it worse than what you imagined?
It's more normal.
I guess it is more normal but.
Let's imagine like a demon lizard for some reason.
That's kind of what it is.
But when you see something that's.
You said it's just a gorilla not a demon lizard.
It's a scaly hairy gorilla monster thing with giant arms.
Oh yeah.
Half and half baby.
Not to say half and half to the scaly fucking gorilla.
It's called a cartilaginous.
I can't even see it.
I can't I don't even know that thing.
You're just like what?
I just felt the ground shake and then a roar and what the fuck.
And it is going to as I said it roars looks at you Rolic and it is just going to attack
with flailing fists here right at you.
That's going to be a definite hit.
A definite hit.
And a definite hit.
Uh oh. So it's fists.
Lash out one two.
It grabs you and pulls you in for a bite.
What?
Were they all above 20?
Yes they were.
It does take damage from your magic armor doesn't it though?
Yeah it does.
Okay so you go ahead and calculate that while I calculate this.
Three and four is seven.
But we have a visual on the map is it like at Rolic right now?
Yeah I'm going to go ahead and put this down for him so it's right here.
It literally appeared right in front of him.
It ripped itself up out of the ground.
It looks like it's been summoned by that guy.
That is going to be 24 bludgeoning.
That wasn't as bad as I was thinking it was going to be.
So that's horrible.
Well it takes five cold damage.
Oh it takes five cold damage?
How much damage does it take?
Take that bitch.
24.
Jesus.
The frost kind of covers part of its cheek here but only one half of its cheek.
Yeah so it only affected the reptile part because reptiles are susceptible to cold.
Oh my you guys are going to kill me this game.
My god.
I mean that one.
That was funny.
I need subtitles.
Yeah can we play this with subtitles on?
Name post.
Do the subtitles.
This is rich in boast.
It's been 14 days.
I haven't seen my family.
I haven't slept.
I haven't eaten.
But by god I'll write these subtitles for you if it's the last thing I do.
Oh yeah sure that won't take a lot more time.
No what?
No.
It won't take off your whole time ahead.
You can just do whatever you want.
Like it doesn't have to be correct.
Yeah they can be correct.
It's just going to be a lot quicker.
You can chat dbt to listen to it.
Oh my god.
It would be so broken though.
It would look so bad.
It would be really funny.
I'm gonna go with really bad.
Alright.
Yes.
So that was the caster so now the beast goes after the caster?
He goes right after yeah.
Okay.
Our casters here they're swarms those four like sort of dust devils that are sort of
wrapped around themselves start forward and they are going to move flying through the air.
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty feet straight ahead.
I already thought this fight was difficult before the gorilla came and now the gorilla's here.
They're like a bandit.
Yeah but they're bandits.
Yeah they're humans.
They're easy.
It helped that I had an aoe effect that all of them failed.
Dre!
You are now up.
However.
You're waiting for that shit to render.
Yep.
However.
Just waiting for that shit to render.
That was so funny.
If I go 30 feet out I can see him and I can see the friends behind me.
I am going to hold out my shield which has my new holy symbol on it.
I scrapped the old one.
A big sphere will like start like in the middle of my chest and then burst outwards
in a 30 foot radius and it's nice dim light and anybody who is inside of this sphere
I can grant temporary.
So it looks like just...
It should be everybody because it's a 30 foot sphere.
Oh.
30 foot radius.
That's what I said 60 across.
Yep.
So then that's why I boom boom.
Yeah that's everybody.
That is huge.
Okay.
Yay.
I can see you.
I'm gonna look at you.
Bye.
Who looks at me.
I'm in.
And I'm going to say here hopefully this helps and then I'm going to cast healing
word on you.
Yay.
You might devour.
You take nine health pack.
Yay.
DM.
Yes.
Is the hole open where the gorilla popped out?
No the ground has sealed back up it appears but this was a magical hole that was ripped.
Cross dimensions.
Across dimensions.
I'm in my sphere so I get...
The glitter glass?
It's like falling off a cliff.
My moonbeam didn't disappear so did those dirt or dust devils or whatever fly into it?
You know what?
Real rich out of game did not think of that.
In game I don't think they would really even care.
They were given straight simple orders.
They're gonna fly right into that because I'm a dumb ass.
So I need a con save.
I need a con save for them.
I'll give them a con save.
Oh shit.
Let's go.
That's gonna be a fail.
Alrighty.
Good catch.
That should be a 21 radiant damage.
That beam comes down upon them and sort of bounces amongst them and they seem to
wither and their storms grow less but they're still sort of puttering along.
Okay.
So whenever it's someone else's turn it's not mine because my temporary hit points
were actually garbage.
They don't add they replace correct?
So I had two temporary hit points before I rolled my temporary hit points and I rolled 12.
It doesn't add to 14 it replaces the two to 12 correct?
That's a very technical question that I actually don't know the answer to.
Personally I like the idea of just add more temporary hit points on.
Okay so I can add my two to the 12 and make it 14.
100% yeah that sounds much better to me.
If you guys are okay with that it's just a game rule going forward.
That's how I thought it.
I always I think it was my other group that I that replaced them so I wanted to
question that before I did anything.
Regardless I personally think that's silly because if you're getting temporary HP from
two different sources why would it affect you any different than Teeling?
Okay.
Hi it's me again.
Yeah this is broken as hell.
We've talked this over and we're not going to do that going forward.
It is completely broken as you will soon experience later on in the podcast here.
But essentially the way we've sort of labored things at least for this particular spell
is that anyone who's inside of it gets to contribute to a shared pool of temporary HP.
All of their shadows and things that are inside of this twilight sphere.
Drestix is casting them out to sort of block the damage that's coming in but that's pulling
from that shared pool so meaning if Rulik over here gets like punched by a gorilla
there's a gorilla and takes like 34 damage and the pool was at like 50.
Well oh boy that pool for everybody else is now down to 16.
Next person who comes up only has that 16 to temp HP while they're inside of that pool.
We think there's a bit more balance and they're only adding to it when we said that
Drestix is coming up so things are hopefully a bit more balanced because this whole temp HP thing was
a bit over my head but we fixed this now we know what's the due going forward.
So yeah that's the show.
I did the thing.
All it takes was an action bonus action move.
And my turn.
And those dust devil things just moved so they've had their turn and we had your turn
Dre so it's our lovely wizard.
Runs through fire the dragonborn wizard at the top of the steps here is going to growl and share
I'll do it myself.
And he's gonna spit smoke and he starts down the steps here so he's gonna go five,
ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty five, thirty.
What are you gonna do this time?
Run through cold?
Oh I wish you had vicious mockery right now because that was before.
That would have been good.
You should have given it to me.
How about later?
God I wish vicious mockery was a bonus action.
That would be great.
Or like a reaction even.
Yeah.
It should be.
Especially because it's only what like a d4?
Yeah.
You can't upcast.
You can't upcast vicious mockery?
No it's a cantrip.
Oh I did not know that.
So you can use as much as you want.
You can.
So he's gonna reach out his hand and go you're not going anywhere and he is going to throw his
hand through the air so he's clawing through it and a wave of what looks like rippling air
rolls out from his hand.
I need wisdom saves from the three of you.
Cool I'm gonna get attacked by something I can't even see.
You know you get a plus three to it.
Because 10 feet you do not because you're not within 20.
A wisdom saving throw?
It's a wisdom saving throw.
You don't need to do it.
Bitch plus three you said?
Yeah.
Good thing.
16.
Okay that just peaks.
Mondor?
Mondor didn't have to Mondor's back here.
Oh I haven't moved yet.
It's not even my turn.
Who's that up there?
It's Rose Rowan and me.
Okay what do you get?
22.
22?
25.
It's not even been my turn yet.
25.
I'm so nervous.
What's this paradise?
This is the first good roll that I've had.
You guys feel the ripple of air roll over you as if it was made of treacle.
It was like molasses so very sticky.
But you sort of shake it off and you feel the ripple pass by you as if nothing had happened.
I don't know what the hell that was.
Runs through fire looks visibly angry about that.
And you seem to spit more smoke.
You're sticky left me unsatisfied.
I'll shut you up.
Many have tried.
All have failed.
Good luck with that.
Okay that's gonna be Mondor is up next.
Mondor.
Everyone likes Mondor when they hit stuff and they kill them sweet.
Kill them sweet.
Come on.
I couldn't think of another rhyme.
Announce your advice how do you think things are going right now?
Well Bill I'm glad you asked.
So I think that we're facing down our odds pretty well.
Everyone's still really far away so my biggest challenge right now I'm focusing on those two
spell casters in the back.
Closing that distance is key because they're going to keep pelting us with whatever the
fuck they want to do.
Until we can get to that point I think we're not out of the danger zone yet.
But we have cleared a lot of the noobs.
I think we're heading in the right direction.
All right I appreciate half time advice.
The bandits and those dust devil things are the only things that are arranged without
Well I can imagine that I'm not going to do much damage to the dust devils with my physical
attacks.
We are probably more magical attacks.
But I will shoot an arrow at them bandits.
At them bandits?
But they're banding together.
Look at them.
They only lost half their group.
They're doing okay.
Only half.
I see that's a 13 year old.
Go ahead and roll me damage.
Well that would be a dirty 20.
13 was enough for the bandits unfortunately.
They're a little squishy.
Good.
We like to hear those words.
10.
10?
Yep.
All right you raise your crossbow and you go twink and one of those guys gets hit right
square in his helmet with your arrow and he sort of freezes and his friends look at him
in shock.
Their face is just white and he very carefully goes lifts it up and looks down.
You can see there's like a little patch of red right on his forehead but you didn't just
about go through.
He's close that close to dying but he's had a near death experience.
14.
You're evil.
He may have had a near death.
How about an actual death?
I'm gonna see my wife and kids finally.
Boom gets domed by a freaking.
I've realized the arrow.
My ways.
I can use my uh I now know what greater fighting is.
I'm gonna reroll that one.
Oh Mondor.
This man just had a change of heart.
Yeah he lifts up his helmet he's like guys guys I lived I'm done with this I'm gonna
flattens over he's dead on the ground.
I'm gonna follow my dreams I'm gonna go to Broadway.
That's on the three now yeah he's like I'm gonna be a chef.
No not anymore college school he got kicked out.
All right that's all I'm not moving.
Do I move how far?
They're still in range.
They're here with me.
Yeah yeah they're right next to you.
Yeah take 11 temporary points.
How would you describe a scene though what do we see when you get that?
So if you remain inside of the.
I imagine like there's like lightning bugs almost like kind of sparkling around.
Yeah it's kind of oh geez it's kind of like kind of sparks yeah like not harmful sparks
but kind of just like sparks throughout the air and then as someone ends their turn in
this sphere the sparks will happen and like touch whoever it is with the sparks and they'll get
yeah kind of like the fucking monder recovery and you know they'll just gain hit points based off of
how big of a spark hits them.
I love that that's funny that makes me chuckle.
There's the bum bum bum bum bum.
I think monder for that one that was all them.
All right vice you are now up I know you're last to the group it's been a while but finally you
finally you kind of pick yourself up you dust yourself off you see your friends are fighting.
Your one friend vice he has been attacked by this giant beast.
You like Rulik?
I was talking to vice.
Rulik is being pounded and bitten by this great gorilla half and half got fur he's got scales he
looks rather sinister and otherworldly you've also got these weird dust devils floating towards
your friends and you've got the two magic casters up on the hill lobbing spells.
What do you want to do?
Join my group 30 feet up let's just say like a metaphorical arrow I'm gonna take like magical
energy from my back pretend to pull an arrow back and fire a magical bolt of polymorph at the gorilla
creature.
Oh at the gorilla creature?
A wisdom save please.
A wisdom saving throw.
I doubt that thing has any.
Uh you might be mistaken but I don't know.
Has to be a 14.
Has to be a 14 all right he's gonna make his wisdom saving throw.
Necessary ghost order he loses.
Turn his acid to a turtle.
That was good.
Oh we're gonna hurt a turtle.
Don't hurt it because if you hurt it it has its hit points and transforms back.
Oh so it's like uh uh druids uh when you turn it.
It's like a polymorph.
It is polymorph.
Yeah there's punch punch bite Rulik is just getting pounded here and it leans back with
like the finishing move to send you to the stratosphere and so they just
again and suddenly plop in front of you you just get smacked in the forehead by a small
box turtle.
A box turtle.
I'm going to yell.
It's on its shell.
Rulik glass to your left enemies to your right throw it in the glass.
Vice with the smarts.
The glitter glass.
I can't bet it yeah I can't bet it.
Okay I want Rich I want you know I know you told us the strategies.
I started that.
Let's go.
You you texted that and I was asleep so I didn't even answer till the next day.
We were heading to be oh yeah they were they.
I started.
9 30.
I'm forward thinking I would like to be your president vote for me.
Vice that.
Rulik.
I would vote for vice.
Vice-thizer 2023.
Yep all right let's just hope that that turtle doesn't get untransformed.
You're not moving.
I did.
He did move yeah so he's inside of your he ran into your sparkles.
You're not yeah he ran into your sparkles.
Get 12 temporary hit points.
Oh my god what is this product wow 17 armor class we're just at Noma turtle.
That's actually why it's because it's got two hit points.
Oh my god oh so don't hit it there else.
No it's not that was purely flavorful.
Good.
Our group of remaining bandits now down Jeff.
Jeff future chef have run around to the left of this great pillar of glass here on the left hand side
and they have pulled out from under their cloaks what looked to be light crossbows
and as the giant monster poofs away into a small box turtle a volley of three because
there's only three left arrows from these crossbows goes right towards you Rulik and
one of them does manage to catch you in the shoulder you are going to take two plus one
piercing damage you're gonna take three they um have a little squishing aren't they they
know they're not really all too good.
I'm taking them out first.
They're doing their best they're trying to help out here.
I like to imagine that one of them has spiky hair and thinks he's the main character.
You know one of them is actually named Bartow.
There you go.
I hit him guys I was the one that hit him.
Look man I color my arrows that's definitely red in the shoulder.
Nevis we're over to you.
You know what this pan one is gonna be her she'll move up behind us
and then she's gonna shoot at the bandits again.
Okay.
Because it worked really well the first time.
Yeah it kind of did.
I was hoping it was gonna work out as well for me.
22 to hit.
That's a hit.
Romy did the damage.
Seven damage.
Seven damage right so Nevis draws back her bow and lets fly and one of her long spiky arrows
spears right in his leg and it drops into one knee.
And then she shoots again 29.
That's a hit.
She has a plus 10 to hit.
Oh.
And then 13 damage.
So boom arrow into this guy's leg he drops down.
He's still got his crossbow in his hand and the arrow from Nevis slides right back up the bow
right into his sighted eyeball and he goes toppling backwards onto the ground.
He is now dead there are only two bandits left.
Yeah I don't think they're gonna be coming back from this one there champ.
Looks like we are on to Rowan.
She gets.
Oh that's right.
She's in the sparkles.
13.
13?
I can see why maybe the creators of the game are like oh we shouldn't stack 10 HP because
this is a really good spell.
It's 1d6 plus my cleric level.
Yeah and I'm a level eight.
This is a really good spell.
Yeah.
I'm just really like you said 13.
But we also like infinite potential so I like is it concentration?
That's what I was gonna ask if I got hit because it doesn't say it but it says it's the moves with
me and it lasts for a minute so I was gonna ask why it's concentration.
Believe that's concentration.
It doesn't say it is concentration so I wanted to ask.
Yeah I don't know.
Is this a feature or a spell?
It is a it is a feature of cleric.
Then it is not a concentration.
Wow.
Holy shit.
All right.
Wonderful.
You are making us beef cakes.
The dust devils will take damage on their turn if I move in so I'm gonna keep it there.
All right you know what I'm going to run up to Rulik and I'm gonna do lay on hands.
You get 20 hit points back.
Oh wow.
Nice.
Hell yeah.
Let's go Drain.
I'm actually being useful.
No potato drain today.
No potato today.
Rowan is that the end of everything?
Yes that is the end of everything.
Rulik what are you gonna do?
You've got a box curls down your forehead just dropped into the palms of your hands.
You got a group of people shooting arrows at you.
You're half hidden kind of behind this big pillar here from the one spell caster.
Other guy can see you playing as day.
What do I do?
I'm gonna reach in my backpack.
I want to tear off a piece of an LSD mushroom.
Okay.
Just wait.
I'm gonna feed it to the turtle.
Okay.
Cool yeah I'm gonna feed it to the turtle and as I'm feeding it I'm gonna walk.
Drop him in there.
You're gonna drop him into the into the glitter.
Or like set him down nicely.
Okay.
On top of the glitter glass?
Yeah.
Okay as soon as you let go he goes and disappears underneath.
Perfect.
In case if he turns back.
Yeah I want him fucked up.
Yeah okay.
I knew I knew where you're going with your eye.
I'm gonna too.
I think he just wasted a good mushroom ice piece.
I'm gonna fly over here and I don't want to go too far right now.
We're getting Eldritch Blast at these.
At those two guys.
That's the last two bandits.
Yup.
You know they're kind of huddling together the last survivors of this.
Bill and Ted.
12 second massacre that has just taken place.
Group A group A down.
Group A down.
Fuck this group B.
Where's our air support?
Group B's going down.
Group A going down.
I'm changing sides.
Change sides.
I'm switching sides.
I've seen I saw the one that you said.
I actually I actually have seen it and liked it and thought about sending it but I didn't.
Ghosts I flew up.
I flew up.
Dirty 20.
That's a hit.
All me damage.
I mean DM I think we're doing so well we should actually probably level up right now.
Oh okay.
Yeah you know we'll take a break.
I think leveling up's nice.
Mid fight.
Yeah.
18.
18?
All right so do you like Henry Cavill style like shotgun reload?
Yeah shotgun reload and then on a third swing is when I swing out at them and fire off.
You just hear echoing throughout the camp you just.
Dobby Dobby Dobby.
As his fist larger.
I like to imagine sometimes when the blast goes Dobby Dobby's essence is just in the blast.
He just goes Dobby Dobby Dobby Dobby Dobby Dobby Dobby.
That's a wonderful.
The missile knows where it is.
This fist the size of a small cart goes rolling across the plains with the inevitability of a
freight train and smacks squarely into one of these guys who's not more so like punched
as he is picked up and slowly lifted by this fist up and up and um he's getting a little
smaller um and his eyes.
I would like to imagine.
Nope I actually was missing it a long time ago.
Team rocket like as he disappears upward somewhere into the sky he is uh dead.
I like to imagine the doppler effect where it's just Dobby Dobby Dobby Dobby Dobby Dobby Dobby.
Yeah just up into the air that is what we hear.
And then I'd like to use this opportunity to potentially either intimidate or persuade.
Um.
Seduce.
That's an option.
I want to seduce the bandit.
Honestly don't seduce a lot of opponents.
Good on you.
Yeah.
Shake them tail feathers.
You'll put nexus out of commission.
Seduced one enemy technically didn't know there's an enemy at the time.
Reach your.
Oh true.
Oh yeah.
Yeah we don't do it during combat props to you for not fucking the dragon.
Well there's a dragonborn hasn't happened yet.
Oh the anti-dragon wasn't attractive so.
True.
Anyway I'm gonna call it like I just beat one of your men into the stratosphere my friend turned
your big gorilla into a turtle.
We're we obliterated my one friend obliterated a bunch of your goons with one moonbeam.
We're all kicking ass.
Give up.
Oh.
And we will show you mercy.
Go ahead and roll me persuasion.
This guy is just snot running down his face tears pouring.
It just killed.
Cheb.
This fucking guy was there.
It was right there.
I watched him the fear in his eyes disappeared into the sky.
Cheb.
22.
This guy just collapses onto the ground sobbing.
He's just fetal position on the ground.
I don't think he's gonna fight no more.
All right so I want to aim for him.
So I'm gonna leave him here but he does not seem like he's in a fit condition to fight.
I have plans for him.
I won't hit him then.
More like Geneva suggestion.
That kind of a bonus action or free action?
What does that kind of mean?
It's your free action that's what you're talking.
Uh as a bonus action I'm gonna flip back into happy mode.
Do do do do do do.
Okay yeah I was thinking Jray anyway because Jray's been doing a lot for the team.
Thank you.
By doing a lot for the team I literally just dropped something that didn't take.
You threw out the best.
That didn't do anything.
Help spelled all time.
You are out of it by the way.
That's fine I'm not full at the moment.
But if you give me a sec I can move and you will be back in it.
Oh but I had my 10.
Yeah they're 10.
10 PHP.
Yeah that's why I was happy that Rowan healed you because now you're at full end.
It's okay I'll move and you'll be back in it.
I technically still have movement.
I backpedaled back into the...
You moved over to here.
I used a 20 and then I flew back over.
Okay.
I still have walking.
Okay well if it makes you feel any better that's where you have to be.
Okay right there.
How much time do I have?
14.
Hey let's go.
And you're rolling well.
I'm really helpful.
I haven't rolled lower than a four yet.
Don't use it.
Let's go.
It's okay if I roll it on me it won't...
Even on a one seven is helpful.
It would actually be nine because it's eight plus one.
So I'd be nine anyway.
Better than nothing.
We hear from good old Holey, Mr. Nose Man at the top of the cliff here.
Oh Ray.
He's here inside.
If you want a job done you've got to do it yourself.
Look the other guy said.
And he just sort of slurps a little.
You've done this bit already.
You're so gross dude.
Get your nose checked out.
He raises his hand and he curls that orb and a glowing sphere of fire appears in it.
And he goes with his nose.
And he sneezes a fireball directly towards you guys.
That's gonna strike right here.
That's a 20 foot.
So everyone in that range is going to take that's a point radius.
So that's you might.
So five ten fifteen twenty five ten fifteen twice everybody.
So do we roll for that or is that just an extra saving throw?
Dex.
I'm just gonna take the damage.
That's a plus three.
But that's the only other person.
So I start out with eight plus ten.
That's powerful.
I got really good Dex.
That's better.
Thank you for your inspiration.
It helped.
Oh hell Nevis got a nat 20.
Fuck yeah Nevis good job.
All right Nevis.
I'm gonna go around the circle here.
Vice.
15.
You fail.
Rolik.
19.
You succeed.
15 fails.
17.
You just barely succeed.
Oh thank god.
18.
You succeed.
15.
You fail.
So those of you who have failed you take half damage.
Does Nevis take quarter because of the nat 20?
Nevis is going to take quarter because of the 20.
So who succeeds takes half.
Everyone else takes full.
Yeah.
I resist fire ten on my shield.
So you take ten off of whatever you got.
Whatever you hit.
Wow that actually makes it nice and easy.
That's going to be 40 fire damage total for the people who are in the high seats.
So half is 20.
Half is 20.
Quarter is 10.
So technically I only take one because I had 19 and 10.
Hang on.
Now I have to do this.
Okay cool.
And then Nevis takes ten.
40 total yeah.
So half is 20.
Well I take the full but.
Nevis still has ten standing.
This fire pole erupts.
It vitrifies the glass around you turning it into this clear solid mass.
Can somebody explain to me why that's just ten?
Including the ten?
From the glitter glass there is a crack, snapple, pop and a roar as that box turtle finally hits bottom.
Crawling up and bursting.
How can it crawl through?
It crawled up out of the glass here.
But it's high right?
With its eyes bloodshot and red.
Just screaming snot from its nose and mouth.
It shakes around.
We're going to do a fun game called Rulik.
Roll me a d4.
One, two, three, four.
That's a two.
It crawls up and in its blood rage its eyes focus on you Rulik.
And it just goes.
And it goes on track.
And knuckles over and with disadvantage because it was high.
It is just going to start flailing its arms at you.
This is with disadvantage.
It does not seem to be in control of itself.
It's coming for you.
I just got rid of you.
Why the fuck are you back?
At least you knew to make it high.
You agreed to stay away.
I lied.
That's a ten so that's a miss.
That was greatly exaggerated.
That's a twelve so that's a miss.
That's three misses.
Love.
It just slides into the sand there.
You are too.
And this thing is crawling and smashing all around you.
This thing is a tank.
Just go into town on the ground around you.
It's kicking the ass out of it.
Yes, it is.
It is going ham.
That was whole as turn.
Me?
I look like the Grinch right now.
You were standing.
He's like a Mr. Grinch.
Oh my God.
I'll take the Grinch.
That's okay with me.
Jim Carrey's Grinch?
Yeah.
Looks like we've got...
I was scared of that as a kid.
As you should be.
It was horrifying.
Yes.
It looks like it's our floaty boys.
The one in the moonbeam.
I need another con save.
They need to make their con saves.
Yes.
There are four of them in there.
They need to make their constitution saves.
Yeah, okay.
That's a fail.
Twenty-one radiant damage.
Twenty-one radiant damage?
They go...
Actually, I need your concentration save.
When you're moving, you took damage.
Shit, that's right.
Fourteen.
That beats it.
So they do center rate.
Let's go!
Let's come out the corner.
Let's freaking go.
We love to see it.
Our other group of fun floaty boys
are going to make their way up the vertical surface here
as they float over.
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five.
And at the top here,
they are spinning with all this dust raging around them.
And together as one, they just go...
Ah!
And a cone of this blinding glassy dust
comes bursting forth from them.
I need you, Rillik the Monster, and Rowan
to give me a dexterity saving throw
as this glass comes down
and just kind of wraps around them.
And it wraps around you.
Oh wait, I have your inspo.
Yeah, that's what I...
I had a 26 for you.
I mean, the inspo didn't help me anyway.
I still...
Nineteen.
Everybody passes.
So as this thing, you guys catch it perfectly in time.
You squeeze your eyes tightly shut
and the glass dust and all of that particles
that could get in your eyes and really irritate them
blows past you and then disperses into the air.
You are not been affected by this.
Sweet.
Trey, you're up.
Kind of duck my head, close my eyes a little bit,
whisper something that not even...
That not even they could hear before I look up
and my eyes glow.
Mondor, Bice, and Rowan, you are blessed.
Whenever a target makes an attack roll
or a saving throw before the spell ends,
this is concentration.
The target can roll a d4
and add the number roll to the attack for the saving throw.
Sweet.
And I'm going to whisper more words.
Kind of like a self-hype session.
Like, I'm sorry you got this.
You're doing good.
You're doing okay.
And I'm going to healing word myself.
Thank you, Trey.
Wonderful job.
Cool, Trey.
Trey, as you are psyching yourself up here,
runs through fire.
He was gritting his teeth and kind of grumbling to himself
over everything that's going on.
Bloody stupid bandits.
What in the world do we even hire these?
You're in the business.
What's wrong?
Too hot for you?
I really must say you don't have vicious mockery.
No.
You keep just bugging this man up.
And he reaches up, bites his thumb,
I may have been a little bit like a chicken.
and throws out a spattering of blood towards you.
Ruck, he's actually going to move forward a little bit here.
And he throws the spattering of blood out towards you.
And where the blood hits on the ground,
tentacles begin to spring up and grow out of the ground
faster than you can see all around you.
I need from you a dexterity saving throw as-
You do get a plus three because you are still-
As this stuff just pours up all around you.
25.
25?
Yeah, that's a success.
I also just realized the mic isn't an obstacle.
He is clear view.
Oh no, he is in clear view.
I know, I forget about that too.
I thought that was like a filler.
The mic is just in the center of the table
because it's easiest for all of us.
These tentacles are all around the ground here
in a 20 foot square.
So I'm just going to go ahead and grab the blue here
to show that.
And just for your personal knowledge,
our raging monster did succeed on their save as well.
So they're also in the tentacle zone.
I'm not sure why I said it like that.
It doesn't sound good, does it?
We had a whole talk about it.
Welcome to the tentacle zone.
Oh, okay.
You will also need to do that on the start of your turn
if you start your turn since you're already in there.
If anybody also goes into that space,
you will also make that same save.
Woo, tentacles, you're a goat.
Tentacles anonymous?
Oh, keep doing that.
I'm Rulik.
We've now made a joke.
It's been zero days without tentacles.
My door, you are now up.
Are you sitting on a tentacle right now?
I am up.
Don't ask questions you don't want answered soon.
They do.
Well, I have clear view of walks through fire.
Runs through fire.
Skiing through fire.
Miss Nenehan?
Wrong verb.
He's a jog through fire kind of guy.
Wrong verb.
You're right, you're right.
Think he's a prance through fire.
I can hear you, Yudoh.
Man, we should all have vicious markers.
We're all like, yeah.
Destroy it, Alex.
Frawlik?
Frawlik.
I only need two of you alive.
Yeah, well, two of us are making fun of you.
This is funny.
Yeah, so suck it, bitch.
I'm gonna aim a crossbow bolt at him and shoot.
But how?
Shoot?
See what happens.
And I miss.
Hopefully not, but.
Because I'm not going to attempt to.
You do have bluffs, so you can add a d4 to your attack roll.
I thought I needed it.
Well, that's until concentration.
As you go to fire, he is going to raise both of his hands up
and a shimmer appears in the air in front of him.
He falls right off.
No, no, you still have to make the attack.
29.
Oh my lord.
Yeah, he makes his little shimmer in the air
and just right through, just spikes right into his him.
That's another thing to remember.
These guys are wizards.
They're not going to be overly tanky.
But that's a surprise, because I thought that was shield.
I thought that was shield, brock, all of that.
No, it adds a plug in extra five.
Oh, that's why I kind of thought that was shield.
No, shield adds five.
Nine damage.
And I'm going to shoot him again before he can regain his composure.
It stays up.
The shield stays up.
It doesn't go away.
Well, I can't guarantee I'll hit him again, but we'll find out.
You can add the plus four.
Don't forget that.
Sorry, guys.
I only got a 27 this time to hit.
I only got 24 this time, so I don't know if that.
Only got 24.
Don't forget he's a wizard, so even the plus five is probably under 40.
Yeah, he's probably squishier than me, probably.
And I'm the squishiest on the team.
That was fucking sick.
That was pretty great.
And it got better than last time, too.
So that's 10.
Two crossbow bolts have spiked into this guy, and Runs With Fire has the wind just sort of
kind of knocked out of him here as he blinks and just goes, ah!
And it just left.
Ah!
Get me alive, you bitch!
Left!
Ah!
Right!
Ah!
He's best.
Good.
He's clearly best.
I see 50.
All right.
All right, then this turns into...
I should probably keep tracker.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Well, you're on turn three.
It's vice.
You were off.
I was saying it should not be me.
Vices up.
What do you want to do?
You got some bad guys in front of you.
The Guilino Blade is an action.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a weapon.
The bonus action is the...
Bonus action is the sunlight.
Oh, that's a bonus.
The reflection is the...
Bonus action is the sunlight.
That's what I was gonna...
Okay, cool.
I'm gonna go walk past...
I'm gonna go walk behind Dre,
and as I pass, I'm just gonna slap him on the back.
Good job out there.
Level two cure wounds for your butt.
You are missing a perfect time for an ass slap.
I'm just gonna point that out.
I don't know if he wants to slap my ass.
I was surprised he didn't slap their ass.
I'm sorry.
I know like we're good friends.
Like, are you okay with...
I would prefer to slap your ass.
Go for it, man.
Oh, my finger!
Whoopam!
My girl!
Asshole!
Hadouken!
That was just like a ripple.
It's like, oof.
16.
Shockwave.
16?
Damn!
Hot diggity!
You might have just healed me back up to full.
And then I'm gonna powerful ass slap.
Yeah, it really was.
Now I'm just gonna walk a little bit this way,
and I'm going to Kailino Blaine the gorilla.
Exactly full.
That is exactly what I needed.
Ian, the gorilla.
The gorilla.
More like the snorilla, am I right?
The gorilla.
Material girl.
The material girl.
Gorilla girl.
Oh, my god.
I literally can't go anywhere without a pickaxe in my crap.
So...
I gotta farm everything.
No, if you're making the thing, he has to make a save.
Material girl.
Because you're bending the light into his eyes.
The light.
12?
Yeah, so you shine the light bright towards his eyes,
and his eyes are, you know, a bloodshot.
Itty bitty little pupils.
And he kind of holds up his fist and eclipses the entirety of your...
His tiny...
I'm gonna go dig in the dirt and go bat about myself.
Probably a good idea.
You should.
With my...
Hit a full attempt.
I'm gonna go make a face.
Are you done your turn?
Take 13 temp hit points.
Our last bannet at the bottom of the round uses his time to cry in his fetal position,
and he is going to attempt to kind of crawl this way out of the battle.
Exit stage right.
And as long as he's not fighting, I don't care.
Okay, so we're gonna take a quick break so we can get ourselves some food.
And we'll catch you guys back for part two of this fight.
See you in a bit.
New questions from the Patreon.
We never did the Patreon questions.
You were right.
We have to do that.
I'll stop right now.
Rich, go back in time and add this to the thing.
He's like, God damn, why did you say that?
Yeah, I know.
Vice, I know we haven't had any new Patreon questions, but there's been a bunch of YouTube
and Instagram comics and one on my OnlyFans, so I was hoping you could read those to us
and let us know what we've been seeing, what's been going on, how are people feeling?
Well, I just want to let everyone know we do have a Patreon,
so please put your questions in there.
But for now, we will entertain the masses with these other comments
and questions that we got going on.
Patreon is sluts for money.
445.
But it's sluts with a Z.
We have a lot of artists in the group.
If you donate enough money, we will notice and we will give you commission.
All right, I mean fucking NSFW commissions.
I assume that's what you whores want.
So I got you.
Here's a question.
What have we been closest to death altogether?
I think the anti-dragon, we...
A lot of characters were really close to death.
I mean, we lost Nathaniel, almost lost Rulik, a lot of hidden death saves.
Rulik almost killed all of us.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Rulik could almost kill all of us.
Yeah, the real enemy wasn't even the anti-dragon, just Rulik.
Just Rulik trying to roll Dex skin.
Too good.
Little too good there, buddy.
Not good enough, apparently.
Little too good, too bad.
But then I fixed it, it's fine.
By the power of friendship and a lot of luck, we just drilled a giant hole in the anti-dragon instead.
That was incredible.
That's where Ladi came from.
Yeah!
That is where Ladi came from.
That's where the...
Ladi was inside.
No one knows this.
Robin currently has a sewn together demidog version of Ladi sitting out there potions-stained.
RIP Ladi, but he's back, so it's okay.
Anyways...
Thank you for that question.
Um, from Weights for Gains.
Thank you.
Next question, let's see here.
Queen of England, 23.
I guess I scrolled past that one.
You did, it looks like it.
How many dice sets do you all have collectively?
Um, so that number expands exponentially every session.
We've got metal dice, we've got clear dice, we've got boring dice, we've got cool dice,
we've got gemstone dice, we've got dice with eyes in them, we've got bi-dice, pan-dice,
sex dice, uh, game dice, straight dice.
That's from the 1980s.
Sex dice.
We've got asbestos dice too, thank you.
Is that why it's orange?
No, it literally, our group, our Discord chat will be like,
guys, I got a new dice set today.
Maybe every week.
It's actually me this time.
Dice, dice, dice, dice!
What?
You didn't bring them?
Dice, dice, dice, dice!
Ooh, yeah!
My god.
So yeah, we got a lot of fucking dice.
We're not giving them away.
We have a lot.
We're like dragons hoarding.
Yeah, we hoard them.
Thank you Queen of England 23.
Oh, uh, here's another question.
Oh, I think this is a returning one.
See me do me.
What do you guys drink to do this session?
Well, we all drink the collective spirits of the hardest shit we can find in our GM's house.
Yep.
The Dungeon Meister booklet that we've got upstairs,
you don't know if you've bought it, absolutely amazing.
Would try it out.
We just had a healing surge.
I'm feeling pretty good right now.
I don't know about you guys.
Pretty good.
I'm feeling regenerated.
I mean, I'm also drinking birth control, so I'm feeling pretty righteous.
Ooh, bah ha blast!
Bah ha blast!
Not sponsored by Taco Bell.
No, it's not sponsored.
I wish.
But we could be.
I wish.
Hit me up Taco Bell.
We'll do a grab.
I'm sure our group gives you enough money to warrant being sponsored.
Oh yeah.
But other than that, we just drink a lot of seltzers and ciders.
It's a good time over here.
Oh, fuck me.
And beer.
The crack packs is like this.
I think we just drink.
Yeah, we might be alcoholics.
Maybe?
Makes sense why our characters are.
Us? Nah, couldn't be us.
Never us.
No, yeah, no, we're not the problem.
But you are not the problem.
If you ever come across us in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, no, you did not.
Nope.
I don't know who you are.
You didn't see me.
Hi, my name is Rolik.
Hi, Rolik.
I've been zero days without a drink.
This is currently drinking right now.
We don't talk about that.
All right.
All right, thank you, SeeMeDoMe, always proud to see you.
Looks like we got one last one.
I'm GayFishInABarrel32.
Damn, these names are...
GayFishInABarrel?
These names are pretty interesting.
I want to know the story behind your username more than anything.
But right now, your question is...
What do you guys do outside of this?
No, this is it.
We just kind of show up once a week.
I don't think you understand.
We don't have lives outside of this.
No, yeah, we literally just...
No, yeah, we literally just hibernate for a week and then we show up.
Yeah, we don't actually have lives outside of this.
I must thank ChatGPT for our rendition of Rolik.
It's worked out great so far.
Nobody seems to have picked up on the fact that he's become self-aware.
All right, I think we're going to have to end this one a little shorter than before.
It seems to have noticed it's a construct.
That's fun.
All right, cool.
I'm okay with my limited existence.
I don't like that.
Okay.
The story becomes human.
This horse is becoming human.
All righty, top of the round.
It looks like it's Nevis back up with her bow.
What are you going to do, Nevis?
Nevis is going to shoot at Gorilla half and half.
Oh, half and half?
The gorilla is not flirting with him.
22 to hit.
That is a hit.
He said miss.
I was like, yeah.
Missed nine piercing damage and then she fires again.
That's a 12.
That is a miss.
My second arrow goes whizzing past Rolex head like a partridge.
My bad.
Sorry, Rolex.
Okay.
She was infatuated with you that she couldn't take your eyes off you.
She was like, wow, Rolex in the boat like starts to drift over.
Maybe if you're looking at your ass.
Her eyes are going on.
She's not paying any attention.
It was so hot when you murdered my brother.
I'm going to keep harboring on that because I do think it's a little weird.
She's going to stay there.
Over to you, Rowan.
I am going to move my moon beam as my action and drop it on the group of the dust devils.
So they need to make Constitution saving throw.
They're going to make their constitution saving throw.
Constitution?
Well, best of luck to you little dudes for.
Oh no.
God, it was like 18 and then it dipped over.
I'm just like, oh.
Sad.
I roll low so Rowan can roll high.
17 radiant damage.
Oh yeah.
12.
She gets 12.
Damn, you're not rolling low anymore.
I'm not rolling under fours.
I'm back. So as each one gets moved into that certain blast of the moon beam,
they also start to shrivel and their forms grow smaller and the dust storms lessen around them.
All right, and that's my turn.
You get.
Oh, sorry.
You will get nine.
That's fine.
Only nine temporary HP.
Wow, what a shame.
It's not like that was a one.
It was a one.
Sorry.
That was a one.
Oh my God.
Roll like, boy, you are up next.
What are you going to do?
Oh yeah.
So I got to make a roll.
You have to make a roll because you are still surrounded by those tentaculars.
I just look at that plus three.
Yeah, for a save, yeah.
23.
As a save.
Sweet.
So you are not affected.
The area is still difficult to run.
All right, I'm going to direct this gorilla.
Hey, ho, beat up that ho.
I don't point at walks, walks through fire.
I'm going to attempt to use suggestion on the gorillas.
The gorilla needs to make a wisdom saving throw.
You're going to try and do suggestion on the gorilla.
Yes.
The gorilla?
Yes.
The gorilla.
No, it's gorilla.
There's a gorilla?
There's a gorilla.
Does it make you laugh so hard I cried?
The whole campaign is hilarious.
I watched that once upon a little light and it's hilarious.
20.
You ever wish you could experience a D&D series again?
Yes.
Well, whatever.
The only other thing you can do is try to get out of here.
So I'm going to fly.
He is going to reach out and try to pull you back.
Yeah, I figured you would.
No, I knew opportunity.
So as your wings snap out, you're like, fuck this time out.
He is going to go, hello there, and reach out for you.
That's going to be a 20.
So your wings snap out, you just giant fist around your legs
and he's going to slam you back down into the ground for...
That's going to be 11 bludgeoning damage.
All right.
Prensively rolling to heal.
All right, here we go.
You get 13 hit points.
Oh, so it's just a positive two.
It's that experience.
10 hit points.
Yeah, 10.
Yeah, I take out of 10 hit points before I take out of my current.
Yeah, that's what you should do.
Well, I take out of my main and then I add the 10 to what I'm missing.
I just think I find it easier.
Yeah, you got to do what you got to do.
I would like to bardic, but I don't think Rulik's in a position to bardic right now.
He's kind of laying on the floor surrounded by tentacles.
He's just been slammed into the ground.
An arrow whizzed by his face.
Oh, what's been happening?
But I think he's got his own, let's go rolling.
And you're going to give yourself interation.
That's hilarious.
I love that a lot.
Let's go me.
Hi, it's me.
I'm the problem.
It's me.
I'm in trouble.
It's me.
Hi.
How's your HP looking there, Rulik?
It's going to die.
I'm fine.
I'm good.
You doing great.
I'm actually doing pretty okay.
Okay.
Anybody falls below half, please let me know.
Considering I've been getting knocked around a lot.
Well, I'm really fortunate that I was above half.
The team has been doing good at supporting me.
Okay, we'll let you know.
What is happening?
All righty.
This is after I took damage, so I'm doing pretty all right.
I actually forgot about something.
So this upcoming turn, I'm actually going to help you out, Rulik.
Yay.
So Mr. Holhe at the top of his little crag here far away from you guys
is glowering down past that rhubarb of a nose of his.
And he peels open his layers of cloak and he reaches aside and pulls out.
It's like he's like.
Yeah, you see the guy's with the ease of a thing.
You see like his leg and it's like a knife.
You're like, oh, thank god.
Oh, okay.
He's got leggings.
He pulls out a severed hand.
Nice.
See, he takes his hand here and he looks down at you guys.
He looks down at the hand and he looks back and just goes,
you're useless.
Seriously, drink some fucking water.
And he splatters, looks at the hand in a circle around himself.
And those words, he begins to chant again.
And you hear him go.
And as he does here, there's a shiver in the ground and a shaking.
And the world begins to split open again in a burst of red light.
And you hear a thump.
And another one of these guys comes charging up out of this hole.
Well, really, it rips itself into the world.
I'm going to be pasta night in front of her.
As this happens, there is a soft noise, almost as if a chain just broke somewhere.
And the creature that had grabbed you, Rolik,
and had been smashing you into the ground as you tried to fly away,
shakes its head and looks around with what can only be described as a new found awareness
of its surroundings.
Oh, yeah.
And it looks around and down at you.
And it's going to let out a roar and disappear.
It's gone?
It's gone.
Rolik, the weight on your legs disappears.
It, you see the tentacles get brushed aside by something.
And then you hear a thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump,
thump, thump, thump, thump.
And it seems to be getting louder towards you, Drestix.
But I can see it.
Hold on a second.
Uh-oh.
And you, Nevis, Drei, you can see this thing as it runs into your sight.
It's sort of shimmering.
Oh, no.
And it is, as you know, invisible.
And it has moved itself over to here invisibly.
And it looks like it's getting ready to chop down on your friend.
Okay, I have changed what I'm going to do next.
The other one.
The one that just appeared.
Yeah, the one that just appeared.
Has some an insignia?
There's like two of them.
Has some an insignia?
Oh, wait, this is a...
Unfortunately, this is not Magic the Gathering.
Fuck it, has Haze.
Okay, no, I actually know exactly what it is.
Has Haze.
And it's not like Yu-Gi-Oh! or if it's the first turn it can't attack either.
I'm not gonna lie, I've been playing a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Duel.
I, uh...
I love Yu-Gi-Oh!
I'm hating myself more often.
I love Yu-Gi-Oh! so much.
It makes sense.
I love Red Eyes.
Blue Eyes, which I probably...
Red Eyes does not love the meta.
No, no, he does not.
No, he does not.
So he's one of the first cards to be made, because it's one of the first ever in the game.
Yeah.
I went against a Blue Eyes deck 22 turns.
That does not happen.
Me too.
Oh, no.
Yes, I went out.
No, you're fine, I did.
Dark...
Uh, Ho-Leng up here just goes out,
KILL THEM!
SAVE THE OUTSIDERS!
And the creature that had just springed from the hole turns the look back at him
and turns its red eyes on you.
On Rowan?
Yes, on Rowan.
And with a growl, it is going to bring both of its fists up and try and ground about you.
Like Donkey Kong.
Yeah, like Donkey Kong!
Happened to try to save the Outsiders.
All right, that's a 10, so that's a miss.
That's a 16, so that's a miss.
No.
Oh, that's a hit?
Yeah.
Okay.
And it's going to jump forward and it's going to try to bite you.
That's also a hit.
I'm not Nerea!
Yeah, but you probably got a lot of temporary hit points, Lyle.
I do, I do.
All right, so that's going to be 14 bludgeoning from the fist and 10 from the bite, so 24 total.
All right, so this thing smashes its fist into you.
You said 10 from the bite?
Yeah, so 24 total.
And then it comes in for a bite and chomps down on your shoulder.
This massive...
I guess this is also half and half, although what would we call it?
It's skin milk, maybe?
Skin milk?
Is it going to get half and half of skin milk?
I'll call it Arnold.
What about Arnold?
Palmer.
Arnold Palmer?
Oh, okay, I'll take it.
Sure, we'll go with that.
Arnold Palmer here is hitting into you.
Yeah.
It makes it easy for me to kind of differentiate, give them names.
Do you still have temp up?
My temp is gone, but...
I'm wondering, if you didn't take true damage to your health, do you have to do concentration?
Shit, I do have concentration.
You do?
But if it didn't touch your actual HP...
It did, though.
Ah, but what if it didn't?
What if you still had temp up?
That would be a DM question.
Yeah.
I believe it still took damage.
I think you, yeah.
You still took damage.
It's not like you don't take that damage.
I got a B to 12 on this.
You got a B to 12?
Which I did not do when my room was gone.
All right, so that feels...
No!
And winks out.
As it winks out, the four little floaty dudes here descend from that pillar where all of the
bandits had been hiding behind.
As they do so, there's just a...
smack of a single bandit into the sands next to them as he just splatters across the field.
Oh, tasty.
No, that's that guy from the WWE.
WWE, WWE, doy.
We just see the fist actually on his back.
WWE, WWE, slamming him into the ground.
He's dead.
These four move forward towards you, Rolik, and they are going to reach out with their hands,
and they are going to try and claw at you, Pyrrha.
Howling me alone!
So that's a hit.
That's a miss.
That's a hit.
That's a miss.
That's two hits, so that...
So nine damage total as these things start clawing at you.
They're gibbering.
They're gibbering as you're being slapped back and forth with bits of glass and wind
as these sort of dust devils poke and prod at you, essentially.
Dre, it is now your turn.
Okay, I'm going to look over at Mondor and go,
Mondor, there is an invisible monkey right by you. Can I touch you and give you true sight?
Sure.
And I'm going to touch him, and the sparkles from my eyes are going to go,
and they're going to go into your eyes, and you are going to gain true sight.
Flows up into your eyes, pupils, a little bit, and just suddenly...
The vision is just like the world suddenly expands to you.
You can see perfectly everything.
The world has been revealed to you, bright, beautiful colors you've never seen before,
and standing, literally not even five feet away from you, barreling down on you,
is half and half coming right for you.
Almost.
Just like Donkey Kong.
Hello, donkeys.
I'm going to...
I didn't know he was coming for me.
I thought he was going for Devils.
Oh, I didn't press. Never mind. That's not prepped.
So I'm going to end my turn, and I'm going to get ten temp back, and that's it.
Oh, yeah. What do we see when you get your temp back?
It's the aura.
So there's more sparkles.
It's the sparks, and I get hit with a small one.
All right, come on, do it with me.
Do, do, do, do, do!
Wonderful.
And that is it.
Next up is Runs Through Fire, and he is going to make his way up over towards you, Rulik.
Rulik, you're gonna get beat the shit out of me.
Rulik and you are...
We are essentially front-lined right now.
Remember earlier when we joked about, like, I'm gonna take out my rage on you later in the game.
I'll teach you making jokes about me here.
The jokes make themselves.
Oh!
And he's going to bring his fist around and reach for your throat.
Oh, he's in person now. Even better.
He's a kinky one, I'm sure.
Why else is he going for the throat, right?
You just wanted a piece of him, why didn't you just say so?
You gotta get in line, apparently.
You gotta fight for it, though.
There's apparently people in line, so you gotta get into line.
I need a wisdom saving throw from you.
You do get a plus three.
I really am regretting not putting that on you.
It's good that you get a plus three because of her.
14.
That is a failure.
So he brings his claw around and he grips your throat.
And as he does, there's a core of energy that flows through you.
And suddenly you feel drained.
All of that vitality and excitement from your charisma that flows through that happy pepiness.
It seems to have faded and on the distance.
And he just goes,
Well, not feeling yourself, are you?
As he...
He kinda glowers at you.
For game purposes, he has chosen charisma.
You have disadvantage on all ability checks and saving throws with that ability.
You are cursed.
You have disadvantage on all attack rolls against you.
You must make a wisdom saving throw at the start of each of your turns.
If you fail, you waste your action and do nothing.
I'm sure it's not going.
And while you are cursed, your attacks and spells deal an extra 1d8 of damage to you if they hit you.
Okay.
A remove curse spell ends this effect.
If you are in my barrier, I can remove a curse.
Oh, sick.
I'm just throwing that out there.
Cool.
Let me double check that though.
Okay.
So he has basically grabbed your throat and cursed you.
Uh, no.
You're not charmed and or frightened, so I don't believe that works.
I think you're frightened, but not that way.
So I do not think it actually works.
I think that you...
Mondor, you're up.
I'm going to use my bonus action to become giant.
Okay, I'll link it to your character.
Can I imagine the Mario mega mushroom sound?
Yeah, that sounds about right.
And I'm going to turn around, because I guess the guy's behind me, and I'm going to throw a punch at it.
Alright, you're going to throw a punch at it.
Just so you're aware, you are now the same size as me.
That's what I had hoped for.
I'm going to teach you a character back.
That's what I was hoping for.
So this is Arnold Palmer, right?
Yeah.
No, no, no, this one's half and half.
Oh, this is half and half.
So you basically just went full Ant-Man here.
It just has advantage on straight checks.
Well, 14.
14?
With a D.
No, you swing your sword at him, and he just sort of ducks under it.
Cool.
Do it again.
Alright, bring it on with the backhand.
19.
I get you have a lot of shit to your stock.
What did you roll as well?
Well, I got an 8, and then plus the D, 4, which was a 4.
So that was a 12.
And then I get a plus 7 for my proficiency going to send in my strength.
So, 15.
15 damage.
Yeah, and I was like, that was kind of my plan when he was attacking Rulik, and now there's another one.
And I was like, well, okay.
I'm taking care of most of the support here.
Oh.
So, Montour.
Please roll me insight here.
So you're looking at this guy with two sight.
9?
That's all you have?
You don't have anything to insight?
I have a plus 1.
Okay, that's fair enough.
So, Montour, as you...
Actually, wait.
Okay.
Hold on.
That's okay.
Oh.
A D is something stupid, but I'm not gonna waste my turn if it's gonna be a waste.
I have advantage from one of my runes.
Yeah.
I have advantage from one of my runes.
Your rune burns right in powerful in your hand here as you stare at this creature.
And suddenly you get a flash of insight as you can see partially through this creature now with your true sight.
It's wavering just a little bit, but it's like someone turned down the transparency to like 66%.
Then on this guy, he looks less solid than he did a little while ago as if he's starting to fade.
Hmm.
Interesting.
Alright.
So you'd like to let your party know that.
You go ahead.
Yeah, I'll just kind of relay what you said to me to them.
He's...
I don't know what this means, but he's fading even when I have true sight.
So I wonder if he's got a timer on him.
It's his spell.
You could infer that.
That's a great inference.
Just so you know your true sight lasts an hour.
Oh, nice.
Fuck yeah.
V-V-V-Vice.
He's gonna sit on a hill and see everything fall.
And you get ten tempest.
You said you wanted to talk to me in here.
I did.
Okay.
He's pulling me aside.
Happy.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have been kidnapped.
I am feeling so useful and that has not happened in a fight finance for a very long time.
Oh, I just heard it's stupid and it's dumb.
Do it.
So I'm a little worried.
I'm excited.
So what I was gonna do was I was going to shout for the stone because I'm worried about him.
What else is in there?
And he's staying back there and he's not doing anything.
Sandwiches?
Because we can get anything that's in there would go to pop out.
I can't control it.
With the thing right behind me, I wasn't about to give it a chance to do damage.
And the alchemicals.
Anybody really.
So that's why I gave you the stone.
And the healing potions.
I'll count it as a set.
Since it's invisible and going back to the new everything.
No, I'm saying I'll just pop out of that out of it.
You might want to see it.
Yeah.
But this whole thing was about percent.
I didn't actually read that.
I wanted to make sure that you wanted to.
I'm going to take this time to go back and delete some audio.
Oh, I don't know what they said when I was gone, but I hear it sometimes.
I, you know what, I'll take that risk.
You'll take that risk.
Okay.
We're back.
You'll take that deal.
Yep.
I'll take that deal.
So I'm going to run over to he who prances through fire.
He who prances through fire.
Arnold Palmer is going to try and grab you here as you run past him.
It's just that 16.
He does.
He's going to grab you and attack you.
He's going to get a smack off.
Is that a passive swagger or is he grabbing me?
It's a smack.
You're not getting grabbed.
That's going to be, because this is going to be really worth it.
It's going to be ten bludgeoning.
So as you run past, he's going to bang you over the back of the head.
Bunk!
Take that, Chocomot.
I'm going to go to he who skips through fire, hold up our bag of holding to his ear, and
let loose a Rulik scream that you put in there.
I forgot you did that.
So what would that just, would that just be a general attack?
I am.
This counts as a thunder wave.
He must make everything within a 15 foot cube originating from you must make a constitution saving throw.
I'm sorry, you will have to.
Okay, we're coming up with, we're coming up with.
Constitution save, whatever his call save is.
Well, this is not Charisma.
Do I still get plus three?
Yeah.
Yay.
14.
Well.
Yeah, he succeeds.
Fuck.
You roll nat, not 19.
Yeah, but he takes half though, right?
I fail.
Thunder wave, I believe, is half.
Yeah, it is half.
Half on a failed save, yeah.
But he just doesn't get pushed.
Yeah, you would get.
And all of the unsecured objects get tossed.
Tossed out into the field.
Yeah.
18.
18 half is nine.
He takes nine.
He takes nine, pure sound damage.
He's great to the ear.
He is still concentrating though on his curse.
He made the, all I can say is he made the save.
He pushed five feet, correct?
Uh, does that gorilla count?
Gorilla?
15 foot cube?
Yeah, he's inside.
Gorilla.
The gorillas right there, those are the little.
Yeah, what about the whirly?
They have to make their save as well.
So does the gorilla?
The gorilla, I think he said 14.
Nat, 20 for the methods.
They are fine for the.
I forgot it was.
That's a fail.
Oh.
18.
18, he's gonna take 18.
And he gets pushed five feet.
Oh wait, oh, I know.
And you are.
Wait, I never added my d4 from blessed, do I?
No, that's not, that's attack with saving throws.
That's not added to damage.
Okay.
Gorilla is pushed five, 10, 15 over there.
These little dudes are just sort of floating and they seem to be fine.
Everything that was inside of the bag of holding just goes tumbling out with this roller scream.
What was in the bag of holding?
Alchemic jug, some serpent scales, some sandwiches.
That all goes tossing out.
You might want to pick up those healing potions.
On the sand.
They didn't break, right?
Everything just kind of fell out.
Yeah, it fell on the sand.
Okay, just make sure that all of our healing potions didn't.
Yeah, I'm in a rush, you can pick some up.
Yeah.
Okay.
I would like to.
Pick one thing.
Yeah, so you get one object.
I would like to get one of the Rai's spiritual potions.
Okay.
We have two of them.
You have two of them.
Alright, go ahead and pick one of those up.
I have one in hand, so.
So you grab that, you're gonna put it in the thing?
You're gonna put it in the bag?
In the bag, yeah.
Throw that back in there.
I'm gonna take out the roller scream from the bag of holding.
I can't believe that was in there.
Are you done? Your turn?
You get...
See what that ranger used?
Yeah, he didn't move.
I did.
He ran all the way over here.
I'm not.
Yeah, he's right outside of the bag.
Man, I night rolled a six too.
That means we are at the top of the round.
Alright.
You remember, you cannot see half and half.
Then she's gonna shoot into the dust devils or whatever.
Okay, yeah, she can still try and attack half and half.
I know, but I'm gonna do the dust devil.
Okay.
I just wanna make sure you knew it was Blair.
Go ahead and make me an attack roll.
28 to hit.
That is surprisingly...
I know this is strange.
A hit.
Oh wow.
I don't know if that's a shocker to you.
It was to me.
And then 12 damage.
Okay, one of those just poofs like a party balloon.
19 to hit.
That's also a hit.
Seven damage.
That one is also popped like a party balloon.
So down to two now.
We're done, thank you.
Two.
And that is her turn.
And she...
Yeah, and nobody is close enough to get affected.
They, when they explode, they release a puff of sand and glass
that sort of goes out in all directions,
but it doesn't go that far.
It just goes, and then drifts gently down.
She gains 13, 10 people.
She's up to 28, 10...
Jesus Christ.
I'm at 22, so...
Pretty decent.
Alright, and that's her turn.
So, like, my turn, right?
Yeah, Rowan, you are up next.
What are you gonna do?
I'm going after this fucking Arnold Palmer fucker.
You've got blind sight.
Blind fighting.
Well, no, but Arnold Palmer is not the one for this one.
Oh, Arnold Palmer, okay, sorry.
He actually got blown past you.
Is he prone?
No, he...
Good question.
I did not check.
I don't think Thunder Wave makes them prone unless...
It does not, yeah, it does not push them prone.
It just pushes them.
Except for the one down.
Alright, so then I am going to hit with my sword.
Bring it on.
You get a B4 added to that if you need to.
16 to hit.
16 to hit!
Hey, let's go.
Who are you hitting?
The gorilla.
Make your second swing if you can do it.
So you can roll damage together.
I can't believe you guys can actually tell the difference
between App-Nap and Arnold Palmer, because I cannot.
That's a hit!
I am currently attacking Hatch and App-Nap.
It's Hillary's one.
Blind smite at the second level.
Oh, okay.
27 damage.
So you bring your weapon around, slash, and then another one, slash,
and this thing is now dripping a black ichor
onto the glassy sand in front of you.
It's panting heavily.
No question.
Because I saw this one disappear, the other one disappeared,
because it's been also what Dre told me.
Can I assume that they originate from another plane?
You pulled that out beautifully.
You explained it well.
I'm going to say yes.
That would make sense.
You have experience with extraplanar stuff.
I need a Charisma Saving throw then.
You need a Charisma Saving throw from an extraplanar monster
who you might try and banish to a different dimension?
Charisma Save is going to be a 15.
That is my DC.
That is your DC.
So it just barely holds on.
So what we see as you slash at this thing is it shivers and wavers.
You slash and it blinks out for a half a second,
and then it's back in and it is mad.
But you are now completely certain,
and if you want to let the rest of the group know you are more than welcome to.
Congratulations on using your ability.
It's been a while.
So yeah, the thing's extraplanar.
It's from another plane.
It's blinking out.
If anyone else can do anything banishment-wise.
Are you the horse?
This horse is not.
I think the horse used the elevator.
I didn't know you knew how to do that.
That's the end of your turn?
That's the end of my turn.
Okey dokey.
Rolik, it is the start of your turn.
You need to make me that save.
A Charisma Save I can give you.
You got Disadvantage throws.
I can't do anything before.
No, you can't.
You have to make it at the start of your turn.
You're not in my race.
Sorry, it's Wisdom Saving throws.
Oh, that's a little bit better.
Start of this turn.
So I don't have Disadvantage.
You do not have Disadvantage.
He chose a...
He chose Charisma for you.
So you need to make a Wisdom Save on the throw.
You do not have Disadvantage.
That's funny.
Hey!
We usually swing on one.
So, that means that you can do your normal style.
Cool.
Time to...
What do we do when we get set?
Party?
No, not party.
There's two of those little imp things there that are looking like they're about to ready to swing in on you.
And you've got your friend between you and runs through fire.
And behind you, you also have your other friend,
Rowan, who is battling a great monstrosity that is now bleeding all over the place.
You know those cinematic moments where like someone's walking through a battlefield?
That's you right now.
You look to your left,
fucked.
Look to your right,
it's fucked.
Look behind you,
fucked.
Looked in front of you,
fucked.
Yeah.
Not great.
Yeah.
Not...
Yeah.
Jungle is arrived, here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
That's the way you hear voice.
Stuck in the middle with you.
Yeah, you know what, I'm gonna need myself bardic.
And then I'm going to Ignite Barricade.
Mmm.
Okay.
And I'm gonna roll for two charges.
So I need to...
Can I just say I'm really happy with what I'm doing here again.
Meese!
I was really missing it.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I cleared two charges easily.
Okay.
Alright, so blade extends to 10 feet.
And I'm gonna swing at these two fuckheads.
You're swinging them at the two little guys?
Yeah.
Alrighty.
Bring it on.
I'm sorry.
I wanted to throw this out there because I completely forgot.
I haven't been doing the black tentacles because the black tentacles have disappeared.
Yes.
Cool.
So...
You said that they were pushed aside by something.
By that...
Yeah, so it's okay, you could say it.
Alright, sorry about that.
Swing my sword at them for 24 damage.
For 24 damage?
You bring the flaming sword varicant around in a slash,
and both of those dust devils look at you with their silty, salty eyes
as death looms before them and you strike them down
and they evaporate into little balls of sand that drifts away on the breeze.
They are gone.
Dust devils are going to do the thing.
They kind of just go...
It's kind of just got...
It's inconvenienced.
They didn't have a chance.
They took up our time.
They did.
And our spell slots.
They did.
Mostly your...
Vyce, Vyce, he's our man.
I really hoped that you were going to use that one.
I don't know why I thought so too.
Vyce.
Woo!
Vyce, Vyce, use that scream.
That's a good scream.
From up on top of his podium of power here.
Go ahead and give yourself that 10 page.
You're out of the range?
Oh, okay.
Am I?
I'm here.
I can move.
From on top of his podium of power here.
Our other wizard, Hule, is staring down at the battle going on.
And he snuffles with his nose and spits out.
And she goes, this is taking too long.
Get rid of him.
And he raises his hand and he lays down his fingers in a double fingered point.
And he makes a little scissors snip at Hule.
Why?
I need from you a charisma saving throw.
You have disadvantage on this because you just got cursed by the other guy.
And you are not-
I thought I broke the curse.
No, you didn't break the curse.
All you did was overcome the curse's effects on you for not being able to move.
All right, well, I got to take the 11 over the 19.
That'll be 18.
I forget you have-
No, that's by one side.
High as shit.
Charisma.
Not high enough though.
18's not high enough?
What the fuck?
No, that's what I'm saying.
He raises his hand and he makes his scissors snip.
And as he does-
Where'd he got it?
My balls fall off.
There is a soft pop.
I don't like that.
I don't either.
And Rolik disappears.
He did the same fucking thing you were going to do to the creature.
And so does the other creature.
Oh shit.
That you'd been fighting.
Uh oh.
Motherfucker.
Can I- I can't ask that yet.
With your blindsight just staring this, your guys' jaws open, you see your friend, thatish.
You do not see him with blindsight.
Yep.
He's-
He's in a different dimension.
He's not-
Gone.
He's not in the ethereal plane.
Because you're from this plane, you will return in a minute.
And Rolik-
It's so long.
You open your eyes and you're actually feeling a bit better because your curse has dissipated from you.
Oh, sweet.
And you find yourself laying on a grassy hill with a azure, brilliant blue sky above you.
And as you lay there, their weight that you didn't know that you had been feeling your entire life,
that's been pressing down upon you, seems to have been lifted from your chest for the first time ever.
And you're just laying there on your back and you feel rather light and rather filled with energy as you lay here.
No, of course.
Happy?
No!
Lifting your head up to look around, you see these sort of rolling fields all around you,
stretching out to the end of the eye.
You can see there's forests off in the distance.
You don't see your friends anywhere, but as you sort of stand up, you kind of raise the top of your feet a little bit.
Because you were, you know, you pushed off with the amount of force you normally would.
But suddenly you're bouncing slightly up into the air and you land back down on your feet.
And you feel younger than you ever have before.
You feel like a crushing weight that had been slowly reducing your lifespan over your entire life.
No!
I know what this is!
You know what this is!
I know exactly what this is!
This is what you meant when you said you were going to blow my mind!
Fuck you!
Lifting your head, Rulik, you look up at a different sky.
Because there you see one of the moons, you see the other, and as your eyes focus,
you see the bright blotch of the glass sea spread out upon a third world in the sky.
You're on the moon!
Now I'm a little confused there.
I will read to you the last part of banishment here,
is that if the target is native to a different plane of existence than the one that you're on,
the target is banished with a faint popping noise to its home plane.
Yeah, okay, that's what I kind of thought it was.
What?
Rulik?
Rulik's got some explaining to do when he gets back then!
Oh, we don't know that though.
He might not even know that.
Wait, but if he's not from this plane, he's not gonna point back.
It's a concentration spell of one minute.
There is now a timer.
Cool!
No, I know, but if you banish something from its own-
And he cast that shit?
And it goes back to its own plane.
If you don't break concentration after one minute, it states.
Yes, it does.
So we have a time limit to get him back.
Don't worry guys, I got this.
Good, cause I don't.
I got this.
I can do- I am powerless in this situation.
I don't know if I've ever disclosed to anybody that I believe that this is a-
I don't think you have!
We all thought you were from this plane!
We said we were from a different plane!
Well, you know, to be fair, he doesn't think about it all that much.
Actually, does Rulik even know?
No, he's got no clue.
This is the- He had no idea.
You were completely shocked that you were here, and you were trying to figure out-
It's so swirling through your head, like why you feel so happy and light,
and as if your life expectancy has just been doubled while you're here.
You need shit, DM.
No.
Oh, but you're not gonna wanna leave now.
Our little flappy boys-
He's gonna wake up in our arms?
No, no!
Say it again!
You idiots! No!
It is now by Divine Rite, Dresden.
Yeah, it's my turn now.
Um...
Okay, whoever is currently left on this plane of existence, how's your health looking?
That's what I'm doing, I.
No, you're not on this plane!
I was gonna help you until you-
Poof!
I'm I.
I'm doing fine.
I'm doing alright.
Okay, so we don't gotta worry about that.
Uh, this thing is not-
You didn't beat up too much, did you?
Um, I mean, I did, I think, a decent amount of damage to it,
but I only managed to land one hit.
Hey, is Arnold Palmer's invisible or is-
Arnold Palmer has disappeared.
Arnold Palmer's gone, and as is Rolik.
Half and half is still here and invisible, but looking like-
Ah!
I understand what happened.
I understand what's happening.
It's fine.
He's taking these beings from different dimensions and bringing them back,
and that's why this thing isn't going to be out of existence soon,
because the minute's almost up.
Oh, so I was kind of right with the whole timer situation,
his bell's on a timer.
Yeah, okay.
At least that's what I think.
Yeah, and he can only maintain concentration on keeping one thing here or there,
just as an out-of-game aside,
and so he dropped his big monster to get rid of an actual threat.
I got you.
And it just so happens that you guys did not hear that sort of like chain-breaking sound
with the other big guy, with Arnold Palmer,
but you did hear it with half and half.
Mm-hmm.
Take that as you will.
What would you like to do, Dre?
I think I kind of just want to take my mace out
and just try to beat the shit out of half and half.
Hehehehehehe.
With an 18.
Hot diggity-dam!
That's a hit there!
And when I deal damage to a creature with a weapon,
I deal an extra 1d8 radiant damage.
So mace gets 13.
So 13 damage total.
You bring your weapon down upon him and he just...
Aaaaaaah!
He's very upset with you.
And I'm gonna end my turn by getting nine every hit.
Runs through fire, turns to look at you, Vice.
I would do it all over again just so we're clear.
Hehehehehehe.
Would you now?
Why did he become, like, different than what he was?
Craig, he's Craig!
He became Craig.
He's pretty much the same.
No, he became Craig.
Aaaaaah!
Yeah, no, he's a lozenge.
Fuck you!
Aaaaah!
He's gonna bring around...
My lozenge.
...another swipe.
He is gonna snatch my lozenge out of your hand.
What the fuck?
Hehehehehehehehe.
Stupid.
He is going to drop another fireball between you guys.
Oh, well, fuck!
Fuck!
What an idiot.
He's gonna drop it right on you.
Being big doesn't do anything against decks.
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty.
Motherfucker!
Everybody but Neddys, it looks like, including the big monster.
Oh, you, you, and you get plus a d4 to your saving throw.
Okay.
Well, I'm really thankful I rolled high.
What do you got?
21.
21?
That's a save.
Mondor?
14.
Rowan?
18.
Okay, 14's not, 18 is.
18.
18 is.
I'm on the side of saving!
That's fucking wild!
So you take a quarter then.
Uh...
I'm so thankful this is gonna...
Oh, mom, no!
17 and 10, 27.
I'm gonna have to roll a concentration.
27 then?
Fourteen.
Yeah, round up.
It's 14 to me, 14's half.
14's half.
So the fireball erupts there and runs through fire.
Looks around as the smoke clears to admire his handiwork.
Vice, when I come out of the smoke, I'm just flipping him off.
You're just flipping off right through fire.
Did not hurt.
That was great.
Hang on.
This guy snorts a bit of smoke.
I have to make a...
I have to make a lot of things.
Here, I have an inhaler too.
Yes.
Do you have to be to seven?
I pass. I'm good.
On her, on his concentration.
I had to roll concentration because I took damage.
Okay, did you succeed?
Yeah, I'm good.
Everybody still up?
Yep.
Awesome.
I didn't have any concentration going at the time, so...
And it all turned out of my temporary hit points.
It is now down to Mondor.
I'm gonna pull out the stone.
What's it called?
Sending Stone.
Okay, before I do this, where is he located?
Do I know that answer?
Yes, he is to the direct west of you on the compass.
Over here?
Yeah, so this is north.
Okay.
Yeah, so he's direct west.
So like, literally where you are to everybody.
Okay.
Is that a hill? What is he standing on?
He is standing on one hill, two hills. So he's 50 feet up.
He is clearly visible to the surrounding countryside.
Okay, because I'm trying to figure out how to word this so he...
hits where I want him to hit.
He's trying to look through like a telescope, you can infer.
Mm-hmm.
So I'm gonna turn my back to you, and I'm gonna listen in as if I'm a whoresnazvidee.
I'm trying to...
Alright, now remember, you are directionally challenged.
I am.
That's right!
That's what I'm trying to do with the compass, but I'm gonna be real with you.
The compass doesn't actually give me letters and shit, so I can't see.
If this is west, this is north, if this is east, this is south.
So, northeast is where he would be.
Northeast of where he is.
Of where you are, yeah.
Alright, so I'm gonna go...
Uh...
Over.
Heh.
Switching sides.
Oh, that's how I go.
If you see me, I'm giant.
Go northwest all the way out to the hillside.
Attack 50 feet up.
It says northwest.
Yeah, northeast.
Sorry, I meant northeast.
I can't fluster.
Northeast!
50 feet up.
It's got a large nose, you can't miss it.
Send it there.
I see the nose.
Wonderful.
The light of Eblash will find him.
And there is just a little sparkle out in the distance.
As this beam of light, which you have saved, I must say.
This entire fight comes blasting out.
He needs to give me a dexterity saving throw.
He throws up a shield in front of himself here in an attempt to hold...
That's a fucking four.
Yes!
There is just a blast of pure white light.
Go ahead and grab me your d6s.
How many can I eat?
All of them.
How many is all of them?
The ones on the table, not the ones in your bag.
Okay, well you got two d6s.
You mean, yeah.
That is true, yes, all of the ones that you currently have.
Yeah!
So everybody has d6s.
I got S.
Oh, you want me to just roll one?
Yeah, you roll a four.
This is a d6.
I have four.
Yes.
And then five, six.
Here's that, and here's mine.
I have some d6s.
You got a four.
So go ahead and roll them.
This is what your ship was taking.
Oh shit.
Okay, understandable.
So, well, all I know is hopefully he won't be able to pass the concentration.
This is 19 right here.
That's 19 right there?
All right.
So 19 plus his four is 23, plus the 30 right here is 53.
Holy shit.
So 53 radiant damage and a sudden blast that breaks through his shield.
And I need to check his health actually, because...
I would just like you to be like, you'll never get...
fucked by him.
And if he is still living, he has to make a concentration check on the freaking...
Yes, he does.
So there is your ship, and the blight disappears, and you hear Uris Nasbully's voice coming over.
There is something in the sky coming towards us.
And that's the message.
Yeah, that's all he said.
And as you look up at Hole, he is standing there.
And where the, you know, his mighty pillar of power, he's just standing on, lording it over you this entire session.
There is just now a voluminous divot through the ground here, through his nice little pillar.
And laying in the bottom of it is our lovely nose boy.
And as he is laying there, he raises his hands and he is shaking just completely now blackened with soot.
His robes burned away, his orb the only thing left in his hand.
And he is trying his hardest to concentrate on that...
That's what was that? Half of...
Okay.
25?
25.
Well, let's go and see if he can...
Technically it would be 26, and he took 53.
That's true.
So he has to beat a 26 Constitution save.
Yeah, let's see.
19 plus 2 is 21.
Ah, no, he has his buck.
He fails with a sudden jarring pop.
You are ripped away from the blue sky.
You were, you were actually smiling during the spread across your beach.
You know, this light that had come into your body, this sort of lightness about your limbs.
Can I roll any kind of check just to see if I understand any of what this is?
On your turn, yes.
I'll let you roll.
Because as you are pulled back, you see as the world around you fades into this sort of tunnel,
and you are sucked back to the material plane, what looks to be Aarakocra walking out of a forest.
And suddenly you are bam, back there, stumbling, the weight of the world crushing down upon you,
and you feel tired and old once more.
I was Superman for five minutes.
Actually, less than that.
I was Superman for like 30 seconds.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it, it's cool.
It's not your plane.
It's cool.
Thank you.
So then does that, does half and half disappear, or is half and half still here?
Half and half is still here.
Okay, cool.
How full is half and half?
How fucked up?
Half and half's opacity level is looking like a 33% right now.
Cool beans, I like to see it.
All right, well, can I infer, like, based off how ghost-like he is, is how long he's going
to be here?
Yeah, you going for that.
He seems like he's getting ready to disappear.
Vyce, the laser, you are up.
Your friend has just reappeared in front of you.
Let's go, Vyce.
This other guy's been spitting fire at you, and you've just been slapping it away with
your jokes, your jives.
His feelings are hurt on the inside.
He's trying not to show it.
I know, that makes me very upset, actually.
I'm just like, I don't know.
He's a lizard.
I know.
He's a lizard.
He's a pet.
He's a lizard pet.
But I wouldn't want to keep this one as a pet.
Yeah.
He's not even a lizard.
He's not even a sea-draggling note.
No, no, no, this guy.
Yeah, but we're talking about the one that's not dead yet.
Oh, no, he's like a...
We're talking about the shaman.
He's burnt toast.
Is he dead?
No, he's still alive.
That's what I'm saying.
We're surprised he's still alive.
Yeah, we're surprised he's still alive.
And now he's divvied it down so we can't even see him.
I know.
I'm pissed off that he's still alive.
And I think the thing takes six turns to...
It takes six turns to recharge, yes.
To recharge, so it's pretty much useless right now.
Well, first, before anything, I'm going to pick up another one of...
I'll actually pick up the alchemical jug.
Put that back in the van.
I won't need that.
Okay.
And then just...
You know what?
I'm feeling like I want to hurt this man.
Please do.
You woke up and you chose violence?
Yeah.
Vice, violence.
I did not wake up today.
I stayed up.
You got to go to bed really early to get before him.
I'm just going to tack with our knuckles.
Okay.
You get a plus four to the...
I pass.
I pass valiantly, of course.
Of course, of course, of course.
I never doubted you for a second.
When did he say she woke up to be here?
Describe to us, Vice, what was...
You didn't pass, did you?
No, I passed one turn.
Oh, you passed your turn.
You are also out of range, so you don't get the healing thing either.
So, Vice, explain to us what we saw.
As I tried... because I've been using my spells this whole time.
As I tried to take my scythe out, I fumbled.
It fell out of my hands.
I tried to pick it up.
I...
Oh, fuck.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
More stuff fell out of my pockets.
I'm just trying to grab everything.
I just...
We rolled a one.
Vice, you poor thing.
No, I didn't roll a one.
I rolled a two.
Okay, okay.
So close.
I pretty much just fumbled with my scythe the whole time.
I couldn't get the straps right.
The weight fell off.
I kept repositioning my hands.
It just didn't work.
And then my tree sack just rubbed off.
I was like, ah, God damn it.
Oh, boy.
Damn it.
Okay.
Yes.
From up in the sky, where the little birdies fly.
And actually above that, in the clouds...
Oh, I didn't actually tell anybody.
There's something up in the sky.
No, you didn't tell people about this.
Plus, they still can't see it.
I wouldn't be able to see it anyway.
Hey, because you can't see.
Come on, Kit.
I'm blind.
I am looking up, by the way.
There is a brilliant streak of crimson and flame.
And at its head, Nerea, you sit upon the back of your young red dragon.
As you come rocketing down out of the sky, you have been searching for the past three days.
Up and down the entire southeastern fringes of the Glass Sea.
And you have not had much luck.
But now, having seen off in the distance a brilliant burst of light.
And then, much closer, a second brilliant burst of light.
You know in your head, that's gotta be them.
That's gotta be them.
At this point, that fucking explosion, that's them.
And you will come rocketing down and crash with a mighty spray of dust and glass into the rock side up here on his back.
It is your turn.
What would you like to do as you look around and survey?
You see your friends out here, some people you don't recognize, but seem to be kind of hanging out with the previous adventuring party that you shared so much time with.
No, I think Nevis is new.
Okay, well, she has met Mondor and she has met Rowan.
Briefly.
She knows they exist.
Metsood and a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.
Yes.
Alright. She knows they exist.
Bringing back good old Faithful, I see this Dragonborn dude being an asshole, I'm assuming.
To Vice, yes.
To Vice.
I'm gonna knock a fucking bow back, man.
It's the bow!
It's bigger! It's better! It's too much for runs with fire!
I gotta make my strength check because I'm pulling back two levels and I did pass because I don't up it too much.
I was gonna say, because you don't miss.
Alright, and then to hit, it's gonna hit, it's a 27.
Yeah, that's a definite hit. He's in the state of being hit.
From behind runs with fire, this Dragonhorned Goliath with bright blue tattoos stands up off the next saddle of this red dragon and releases a shot from the bow.
22 damage.
Holy crap, that's 22 damage.
Welcome back, Mariana.
Oh, just in time, too.
Good old Faithful.
And that bolt goes, and there is a popping sound as his shield breaks and the arrow goes through his back and he stumbles and drops to one knee and starts going, whoa!
And his eyes widen at the sight of a dragon and dragon rider.
And then I fire again.
One more time!
I gotta make my strength check.
One more for the people in the back!
I made the strength check so I do it more like a hit.
Uh, but a but a but a but a dirty 20.
That's a hit!
Okay. 21.
What do we see as you release your second bolt? He's staring back at you with hatred in his eyes.
Vice is, if he's standing right behind him, you just see this arrow like pop through his head and like the point ends right in front of your face.
Damn.
Inches from your own.
Nerea! I had him! Fuck you!
Fuck you too!
Really sad, like I had a cold as fuck line, but that was that was cool.
That was cool.
You're welcome!
Icarus, from the back of the dragon who Nerea has just blown a hole through somebody from, you see a wizened large-nosed man who's currently smoking in a hole to your left.
What game-bo named their character Icarus?
That's an angel! That's a little boy twig angel.
Truth, truth, kid Icarus. AKA Pit.
Hey-ya-ya!
Yeah.
Hey-ya-ya!
He's my favorite though.
Come on, come on! I mean, come on! Where is he?
You've landed here with the dragon. Where would you like to go?
I see the fucking nose guy over there.
Yeah, you see nose guy. He's smoking in there.
I guess I will walk my 30 feet towards him because he should be roughly. Oh, he's plenty in range right now.
Alright, well if you're done with him, I'm gonna take this one if you don't mind.
Batter up!
Wound up Eldritch Blast and shoot it at him.
This is not a Doby Doby Doby punch. What do we see instead?
Oh yeah, how does this look? It's very different.
Can I roll? Let me roll the damage first so the box is weighted.
Rolling to hit first.
Rolling to hit, right. Yay.
That would have sucked.
That would have been really bad.
So that's 19.
That's a hit!
And it's more of like hold hand out and it's sort of like a purple energy charges up.
And then almost like a Raven's head envelops the hand and fires out.
Like almost like a just a Raven fires at the blast of this guy.
Yeah, and smack!
He is going to lift his head here up to look.
He goes, no one gets the better of Hole A!
He's going to damage the list because he needs to be interrupted.
I want to know if he gets interrupted.
18.
Gets in the way of Hole A!
And just back his head, snaps and he collapses backwards onto his ground.
Yeah, shut your fucking mouth.
Nice.
Alright, this one's down. Anyone else?
Is there anyone else?
There is still the invisible beast.
Yeah, which nobody but us two can currently see.
You can talk as a free action.
Kelsier, go ahead and slide off the dragons back here.
Nobody knows this bitch!
Yeah, no!
Oh no, I guess no one does!
I mean, I'm sure we've been talking for three days.
So this slime enveloped in a skeleton.
The skeleton has been enveloped in this orange slime.
It kind of slips off and goes, oh, they're all looking!
I don't see anyone.
Rhonda's going to be like, what in the world is that?
He's going to go down and go, oh!
He's going to wave.
This is the best your guild could give us, so...
That's not my guild.
I have a question for you.
I don't know if this says anything.
If I were to, say, jump off of this, would I take fall damage because I am slime?
Well, yes, you would still take your fall damage, but I imagine it would be you jump,
the skeleton falls onto the ground, and then you land on top of it and just loop it back up.
Yeah, but I don't know if I can not take that fall damage if I can help it.
Can you slide down the wall?
Sure, right now.
You're going to watch me walk to the edge.
He's going to start slumping over.
And I'm going to be the most disgusting slash, like, weird face ever.
I'm going to go, let's go get real gross, I promise it's going to be over before you know it.
And I'm going to... and all of my bones are going to fall off.
Oh my god.
Oh my god, so the rest of you are just staring, dead-eyed.
I literally have gorilla hands in my hands, like, rocking this thing.
As an entire skeleton falls out of this yellowy-orange slime,
it just lands on the ground, and the slime casually...
And then I'm going to go... and just kind of slide, start sliding down.
Okay.
Never invite both of them, this group.
And I guess that'll do it for me.
Robin.
I did bring an old friend, though.
Hey!
Part of the original crew.
I don't really know.
You can see your friends over here from your first adventuring party
are engaged in what looks to be an invisible creature of some sort.
They seem to be holding on to something that's not there.
My giant friend. I'm initiating conversation with myself.
Cool.
My giant friend! What are you holding on to?
I'm not your friend.
First off...
Let me get this very clear.
I'm not your friend.
Look at what the fuck you brought with you!
I'm not your friend.
Second off, a giant ape that's invisible, I guess.
Huh.
Okay.
Well, I don't think I can do anything with that.
Hey, for once, I'm not the tallest here anymore.
Wow.
I don't think I can really do...
What's up with you guys and finding tall people?
I can't just wait and go to sleep.
I didn't want to be sat on so bad.
So I can't do any damage, but I pull out some health potions.
I have health potions, courtesy of Rai.
But you're all the way up there.
Yeah, but I have them still.
If anybody needs them, I'm going to hop off the dragon.
If anybody needs them, I have health potions to go around.
Yes, please.
And that's really all I can do, because Robin is a very close-ranged character.
He is really far away.
And last but not least, falling off of the netting on the side of this young red dragon,
is Penelope Barnaby, the five-minute last-chance saloon OC PDF character.
She fell into my DMs at 11 o'clock last night...
This morning.
Right before we started.
That's wonderful.
What would you like to do?
Guys, we finally arrived.
Can we leave now?
I told you, I didn't want to be here this whole time.
Penelope, let's... come on.
Well, Penelope, now we have an invisible ape we have to deal with, okay?
Come on, I'm already down on the ground!
I didn't want any of this.
I had a date tonight.
Robin!
Well, you know what?
How cool are you going to feel?
You're getting paid for this.
When you tell that date later on that you just slayed an invisible dragon.
Slayed an invisible ape.
I'd rather get slayed than pussy.
There's a gorilla?
I'd rather get slayed than pussy.
There's a gorilla?
Also, I heard there's going to be a gorilla.
Gorilla?
What kind of gorilla?
What is this?
Charcoal gorilla?
And propane gorilla?
You guys want to get...
Who do you believe in charge of guild recruitment?
What the fuck?
At least it wasn't me.
What is this?
Is this what it's come to when we left?
Apparently your better ones were off on some museum mission.
Aww man.
I guess I was left behind.
So Penelope is going to take up root on top of the cliff that we're on
and pull out his longbow like a...
Yeah, it's a guy's longbow.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Takes out his longbow like a sniper and she's going to hold it.
Oh, you're a ranger?
Nice.
I almost walked on my feet.
You came first with the dismatch.
I'm holding it so I'm going to point at...
That looks like a gorilla.
I want to get out of here.
I'm taking the shot.
Are you shooting at Mondor?
No.
I'm going to try and hit the gorilla.
Arrowman.
15?
15 is a fifth hit.
Hell yeah.
Let's go Penelope.
Woo!
We were going to go to Logwood Gardens.
Points on the board.
They're having a flower festival soon.
Really?
Yeah.
Sick.
Wish I could go.
Ten.
Ten?
Penelope, ten's the best you can give me?
Alright.
An arrow blossoms in this thing's flag and it lets out a roar of pain.
Is a longbow strength or dex?
Dex.
I think longbows are...
No, I think longbows are strength.
Oh, nevermind.
I thought bows were dex.
Nevermind.
Plus five.
15.
Okay.
I'm going to summon a winch as it screams in my face.
They're all really low.
Yeah, I can tell.
And then humans get a plus one to everything.
Is Penelope a human?
Nothing else?
Nothing else Penelope?
Lockwood's a human too.
Alright, thank you Penelope.
We're going to...
Oh my god, that was Xan's death.
We're going to Nevis!
Time for the round!
Oh, Nevis.
Oh, Nevis is right there.
Yeah, she's right there.
So she's too far for her longbow.
So she's going to take out her short sword.
Yeah, short sword.
I'm going to swing right at it.
I'm guessing 16.
That's a hit.
She pulls her sword out and she goes charging it with a scream of rage.
And then that is...
Nine damage.
Nine damage?
She brings it around and slashes into it and this thing's arm goes flying cleaved from
its body.
And then she swings again.
She's going to swing again, okay.
Disadvantage again.
No, she can clearly see it.
Oh, she can clearly see it.
She can clearly see it.
Okay, so...
There is now blood pouring out of its arm.
21 to hit.
There's an arrow on its side.
It's physical.
21?
That's a hit, yeah.
That's a hit.
And then a lot of damage.
I don't do it.
So, Nevis runs up and she goes slash.
That's four fucking hap-es.
You son of a bitch.
Die, die, die.
Just slash, slash, slash.
She's pounding into this.
This thing collapses over just as it...she caves its skull.
She's terrified.
Bam, bam, slashing, slashing.
Her sword shatters in her hand and she is left there.
Good luck.
Hitting heavily as she stares down at this monster.
Good luck, Rolik.
Which begins to dissolve into a black agar and disappears.
Is that everything?
That's everything.
Welcome to the end of an issue of Congratulations.
We did actually really good for this being a hard encounter.
Rolik, how are you on health?
I'm gonna need to slap on the ass.
It's okay.
Robin's got like ten health potions.
Let me flirt.
I'm going to run over.
That means I have health potions.
I'm going to run over and chase it and not...
I think that's where we're going to end things off for this session.
So we'll have to wait that for next time.
So we get character interactions next time.
Woohoo!
Oh god, it's okay.
Yeah.
Anyways, well I think it's time guys.
Time for cake.
Birthday time.
Thank you all so much for watching.
We hope you had a wonderful time during our adventure here.
Of course, make sure to stick around for the player notes officiated by probably VICE or...
Mondor.
Mondor did the notes this time.
You guys get a special treat.
As if I haven't been writing them the whole time.
I got confused from last time.
That's why.
Anyways, we'll catch you on the flip side.
Take care everybody.
Bye.
Bye bye.
Thank you all so much for listening.
Tabletop Audio does our background sounds.
Our wonderful theme is done by Deceptive Reality Peyton Overlord.
Our world is created and written by me and my fellow Tally Ho Ho's.
Thank you all so much for listening.
Now, VICE, how are we looking on our questionnaire sheet?
Has any questions come in since last episode?
Do you have any for us today?
Yeah, so it looks like SoftMeCore has recently...
They're first time posters, so thank you for joining our Patreon.
Sluts for money.
That was the OG.
That's the OG.
Sluts for money.
That's our Patreon.
We don't have a Patreon associated with the actual name of the podcast.
We just have Sluts for Money.
I forgot it was Sluts for Money.
Because in this economy...
Yeah, you know what?
It was a different...
For a different event, now we're using it for this.
Anyways, VICE, what do you got for us?
SoftMeCore has asked, what kind of hobbies would everyone have outside of adventuring?
I was thinking, you know, Ro would maybe have candle making under her belt.
That's what I was thinking.
Mondor.
Probably dog walking.
Not gonna lie.
Rulik.
Eee, eee.
Probably prostitute.
Yeah, fair.
Drastic.
Let's go with, you know, psychic, all that bullshit.
Probably that.
It's not bullshit in this case, but crystal balls and all that.
I do that anyway, so that's not really a hobby.
I like how this could have been an everyone answers kind of question, and you just...
No, no, no, I like this better.
I like this better.
It's what he thinks.
Continue, continue.
VICE would just be a nature guide.
Oh, yeah.
What are you doing at a natural park though?
No.
At least one person is guaranteed to get attacked.
By something.
Or plants.
Or by VICE himself.
Yes.
You never know.
They better not step on my territory.
It's up to the imagination.
Anyway, thank you, Sophomore.
Thank you so much, VICE, for reading our comments and stuff.
Let's see, what are our session notes for?
Session 40, what do we got?
I'm not reading this.
Why is he there?
I wrote it.
Oh, shh.
Goodness gracious, my goodness.
Did we not just go over this?
Penis, cut that out.
Also, you gotta call him old now.
He said, goodness gracious, my goodness.
Only old people.
He said, goodness gracious, my goodness.
Only old people say...
That's worse than anything I've ever said.
We're gonna pass this out.
I swear, we're not new to this.
Alright, session 40.
You wanna see my Aarakocra?
VICE.
I pump, he dumps, we all go.
Rulix.
Oh, okay.
I pump, he dumps, we all go.
Rulix.
I said that?
Apparently.
I thought for sure that it was gonna be VICE.
Mondor has no rigs.
Oh wait, no, hold on.
Mondor has no rigs.
I don't know why I have no rigs, but I have no rigs.
Cause you're married.
Oh true.
Wasn't it so hot when I killed your brother, Rulix Tenebis?
Didn't actually say that.
I just have in where, there.
I don't know why.
Cool.
The Tally Ho Ho's and the Ho's they brought along the way.
So, the Tally Ho Ho's and then us.
No potato dre today.
Okay, because I didn't go down in combat.
So I wasn't potato.
Oh my god.
So I actually, this plot, fighting raiders, dot dot dot, probably stronger than that.
He's a kinky one for sure.
Said about walks through fire, of course you are.
Oh, walks through fire.
Oh, okay.
And was one of the wizards.
Arnold Palmer and Half and Half join the party.
I'm afraid of the one wizard that is staring in the back.
That was actually somewhat a plot because there was that one guy in the back.
Rulix gets sniped, snipped into a different dimension.
Oh yeah.
Rulix is not from this dimension?
Nope.
And then I got, bitch got fucked.
Someone got fucked.
Probably one of the wizards.
Probably.
Nuraya has joined the party.
Yay.
Forgot that was all last session.
Penelope's a guy?
Question mark?
Yeah.
Penelope's a guy.
Uh, Reacher is planning something big.
Actually, some plot.
Uh, Rulix found a room in a bag.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
It's the weird bag of holding that looks like that's a room.
Yeah.
Uh, Rulix talked to his mom.
Mondor didn't find his wife.
Tix tried to bring someone from the past back, but they weren't put to rest.
Yeah.
And I think that's all I got.
Oh yeah, that got skewed.
Alrighty.
Well, thank you so much Mondor.
If you guys want to hear, uh, I guess whoever's going to do this next, uh, popcorn.
Who's, who's going to, who's going to do session 41?
Um, well, so we got.
I think we've all done it at this point now, so you could choose.
It's open to whoever you want.
I'm going to popcorn, uh, Drustix on this one.
Popcorn Drustix.
All right.
Well, if you want to hear Drustix do the session notes for next time.
Make sure to stick around for the player notes after the credits.
Thank you all again folks.
We'll see you next time.
Bye.