I need some R&R with Chas, yeah.
Raw & Real , oh ahh ah .
I need some R&R with Chas, yeah.
Raw & Real , Raw & Real .
Hey, what's up?
Welcome to R&R, Raw & Real with Chas.
Here's where we speak on the journey of self-improvement
based off experiences, observations, opinions,
and some facts.
Some topics can be a little triggering,
but others may be funny, a little raw, or a little bit edgy.
So sit back, relax, grab a snack, grab your notebook,
grab something to drink, or even grab your just your headphones.
I mean, did you miss me, though?
Like really, really, did you really miss me?
Because I've missed you.
Welcome to R&R, Ron Rihl wishes.
I'm your host, Shazman, and I know I've been gone for a minute,
but I'm back with R&R.
I'm so sorry I left you guys.
Hi, I'm Tully.
I miss y'all.
I have so much to talk about.
Because seriously, life has been life and, you know,
I had to like take a step back and take like a hiatus
because things started to get serious within my personal life.
And I had to make some decisions for, you know, me and my kids and...
Not all the time, you know, talking about it out loud,
trying to explain what type of journey you're on to everybody else.
It just doesn't make sense all the time.
So sometimes you just have to be quiet and deal with what you're dealing with
at that time, in that time.
You get what I'm saying?
So I mean, I just had to like completely like lock in with God.
And, you know, like, I don't really know how to say this
because I don't want to say too much on the first episode back.
But sometimes you just have to quiet the noise around you
so that you can hear his voice when he's trying to talk to you,
you know what I'm saying?
When he's trying to guide you, when he's trying to let you know
what your next move should be.
And it's, you know what I'm saying?
We're so busy listening to everybody else.
And we don't think that people are intentionally trying to give us bad advice
or offer help in a bad, you know, in a bad space or has bad intention.
So we just like, we want to hear you.
But like sometimes we really just need you to shut the hell up.
They really just need you to shut the hell up and like, let me hear his voice.
And like sometimes we get so caught up in hearing other people say,
oh, well, God told me this and God told me that.
And it'd be like, you get so confused and it'd be like, but wait, though,
but God didn't tell me that.
But you can't tell people that because then some people get offended
and it's like, you know, I'm going to just be quiet.
I'm going to just be quiet.
And ultimately that's really what it had to be like I spent time after time
crying to God about my little heart desires and trying to make the best decisions
and the right decisions is very difficult because I have a lot on the line.
You know what I'm saying?
I have two kids that literally think the world of me,
they don't they know for a fact that their mom got it and she's going to make it happen.
Regardless, you know what I'm saying?
So I had to like, like really tell God, like, look, I'm I'm never rushing you
and I'm never, you know, doing that.
But like what do I got to do to get what I want?
Pretty much that's literally how I came to God was what do I have to do to get what I want?
Because this that space that I was in.
I'm like, this cannot be it for me.
This just cannot be it.
Like you got to be kidding me.
This is this is my future God.
So I asked him, like, what do I have to give up and he told me and I had to follow his plan.
And it may not have been what everybody else may have thought it should have been for myself and my kids.
But ultimately, it was a learning lesson for me.
I had to learn a lot about myself, about healing, reprogramming my mental.
Like I had to like, reparent myself in this process while also making like some big some big dog moves, you know what I'm saying?
And like I was on a timeframe and like time was like, you know how you send around waiting for something and you procrastinate and then it's like the deadline is tomorrow.
So now you're scrambling trying to figure out what to do.
That's what it started to feel like. And I was sitting there like, okay, God, I did what you asked.
I did what you asked. Come on now.
And I felt like at some point in time, me and God was like, even.
It was it was difficult. It was a difficult time and like, I knew.
I knew that something had to change. So I had to like and and when I liked it with him, it was like, I kept showing him that I was serious.
I kept showing him that I trust him. I kept showing him that I have faith in his plans and what he had for me because what I was doing was not working for myself.
It just was not working. Like taking charge being in control. It just was not working. And sometimes trying to explain that to people who aren't who didn't grew up the same way that you grew up or grew up with the same belief that you have.
It sometimes it doesn't make sense for them because they were like, what do you mean you you wait on God.
So you telling me you're not going to go get a second job to pay for this or like, you know what I'm saying you're not going to work overtime like, no, I asked God for a job where I don't have to work overtime.
That that was in my prayer. I'm sorry. I don't want to be an overtime hustler. Absolutely not. It's an addiction. I was that before. And I saw what it was going to do to me. Absolutely not.
Absolutely. Like I had to stay on my path and not listen to other people like, you know what I'm saying.
Tell me how I should do it and what I should do and I had to learn that the things that I was going through in this time was to strengthen me.
It was a lesson like I had a lot of lessons to be learned. I've met a lot of people that I thought were supposed to be something.
Well, not something that's I shouldn't say something. I've met some people that I thought were going to mean something in a longer term, if that means anything.
And instead, they turned it out to be a lesson to strengthen me for the next steps in the next stages that God is about to put me through.
And I didn't know it at that time and like, but I had to learn that and I had to learn to, you know, I had to listen to be obedient.
Because I had to trust him and trust in knowing that God was going to give me my heart's desires and that he heard my cries and that I will be rewarded.
I had to learn that and finally just accept it and like just hold true to it.
But I also had to do some work to they say faith without works is dead. And I fully believe that I'm pretty sure a lot of people are kind of sort of in this stage right now, especially since 2025 has started.
We're not even going to go there with whatever is going on right now.
But I have noticed a shift in, I guess, not in the atmosphere, but just in the shift in people and like the things that people are posting and along with myself, devoting to yourself and like focusing on the lessons that you've learned and those boundaries that you talked about that you were going to stand on.
You know what I'm saying? I'm not being it. Okay, we'll stand on that boundary. You know what I'm saying?
But a lot of people are choosing to vote to devote time to themselves and to really like be so freaking for real and stop playing with yourself.
How do you expect somebody else to treat you with the utmost respect with the utmost love? One, if you never even show them how to love you because you don't do it to your.
Oh, okay. Right.
So how can you expect somebody to take you serious when they can see that you don't take yourself serious? You lie and you don't you go back on your own words on yourself. You don't put yourself first and you have so much guilt for putting yourself first.
You haven't grown out of that. And I just see people like changing the whole like narrative of them of their story and like putting themselves first and stepping out and like being okay with standing on boundaries.
I know standing on business is a thing, but like no standing on boundaries. I'm standing on boundaries. I'm standing on these things that I said for myself.
If I know how to love myself good.
Then other people will see me loving on myself and they will learn how to treat me because of how I treat myself.
And also how I treat others. I'm not saying go be selfish and be a, you know, stuck up snotty snooty, you know, person like that.
No, be kind, be loving, be understanding, be firm, be strong.
Accept what is and accept what isn't and you know what I'm saying be a good person.
Just that I just see I just see people doing that and that is also something that I am in.
I'm doing it myself. I had started to do it. But I did it obviously during that time that I took away from, you know, my podcast, but I was dealing with some things and
on the fence, I was such in a gray space and like confused and was just searching for clarity and something just kept saying wait it out.
Wait it out.
Don't say nothing.
Don't overreact.
By Chow Tong.
I am not a completely retired crash out.
So just understand if I choose to crash out on you.
You just had me in a bad space, but to choose to be silent and to disappear and to live with whatever ending story that I created in my head.
You're cooking.
Whatever story I came up with my head, whatever that ending is, that's exactly what it is. I don't care what you say what you have done. None of that.
I got to stand on that.
But I loved I love seeing everybody focus on themselves and like really really really really taking care of themselves. I love that.
It's so needed right now. Like, it's okay to put yourself first and work on you and you are the focus. It's okay.
But like lock in for the right reasons. Like, change your narrative, change what's going on. You see what's going on.
Understand that perception is stupid. You don't you don't need that.
You got to remove that about your mental like change that you know other people's perceptions of you don't even matter because honestly, nobody is thinking about you the way that you think that they are like at all.
I had to learn that shit the hard way. And when I say the huge bruise that that has left on me ever since baby, people do not think about you or care about you as much as you think trust me.
Trust me. People are far more selfish than you think.
So it's okay to be selfish. Okay.
Go be yourself. Nobody cares.
Literally nobody cares.
You just need to find the people that fit for you.
And those are your people and that's it.
Just just like we break our next for these dudes and for these chicks for these jobs for our parents. We do all of this stuff. We'll be breaking our next wall of these people.
And they go to girl and they still don't take you serious. They still do something that's just just an inconsiderate, hurtful, mean, nasty, ridiculous. Like how could you do that?
Like how?
But we spend so much time on them. I would never do that to you. I wouldn't do that to you. I was so good to you. I was the whole time they was thinking about them.
They had nothing to do with you. It was them thinking about them. They made a choice for them.
It's time for you to start doing the same for you.
Very much so that simple. That same energy. Turn around and put that on yourself.
But let's be real. Y'all know how I am.
You gotta take accountability, like some type of accountability for the way that you let people treat you.
I mean, at some point you just have to. There's no way that you can walk around and honestly think that you didn't play some part of it.
I mean, you allowed it. I mean, accepted it.
If you allow it, it will continue and the limits will be pushed.
Take that. Exactly how I said it.
If you allow it, it will continue and the limits will be pushed.
Put that into whatever scenario you need. I'm sorry. It stands.
What's that? Okay. I said boundaries. I did it. I'm standing on it and I'm still hurt.
I'm still hurt. Shaz. I'm still hurt.
What now? I want to call them. I'm on no contact.
I want to just go back. I want to give in. This is stupid. This is hard. Don't you dare?
What's that? How do you stop hurting yourself? How do you stop allowing these things to happen?
How do you just stop? One, you have to take accountability for the things that you allow to happen, the things that you allow to be done to you.
The first time it didn't feel right, you should have stopped it.
When you look at yourself and you just kind of sort of lose respect for your actions and how much you just overlooked everything,
that's when you know you need to like just be so freaking for real with yourself.
Or you may have a moment where you just crash into a brick wall and get your feelings hurt by that one person.
And how do they do that? They just cross that line, that line where you had to make that, like you had to decide between you and them.
When the respect is lost, it has to go. It just has to.
You cannot keep allowing something to keep hurting you over and over and over.
It is not going to change. Trust me, I thought so too.
It is not. It is time for you to walk away. And you know what? Walk away when God tells you to walk away.
Or I'm sorry if you are not religious, but I mean that's it.
That's what I speak it on, okay? But if it don't feel right to you and you got to keep questioning yourself, it makes you question your word.
It makes you wonder like what the hell am I doing? It is just walk away. It's better to just wash your hands and go with that man's face.
It is above me. It absolutely is above you. You have to choose yourself and whatever capacity that is and no matter who it hurts, it will hurt you too.
I know it hurt for those of us who are in it still and like we're past that phase and the beginning.
We in it and we hurt still because we miss the other person or we miss that thing. We miss that job. We miss we miss something about that.
But you had to let it go and this time letting it go, it hurt, but it didn't even hurt as bad. Like you ever realized that?
Like you just be like, you be down bad, but you don't even be down bad that long no more. You ever realized that?
I did. I did. I was down bad. But like the bounce back was like not that long though.
Like yeah, I have my moments and I'm pretty sure everybody else do. Yeah, we have our moments but like it's okay.
Like I'm able to pull myself back together without like falling into a deep well of tears or you know, anger. Like I'm constantly anger.
No, like I just got back focused on me and when I did that, it made me feel good.
I'm in the gym all the time now. I'm in the gym. I'm taking yoga.
I didn't eat y'all listen. I've never been a fan of Bible study. I got a little Bible study book for the year.
I'm journaling. I even wrote a poem. I've been wrote poems since like the sixth grade.
I'm just really focusing on myself and what I got to do to get to the to the life that I wanted for myself.
I was stuck in such a limbo space like hesitant on making moves because I'm up here contemplating it.
Yeah. That's for another conversation. My love.
But I get it. I like what is yours going for all of us.
I can't wait to see what it turns out to be.
If you are in that space and you just like are looking for some encouragement or you're just like wondering what the other side of making the decision to choose you looks like.
It looks a little bit more peaceful, a little less chaotic, a little bit more mental clarity and quite funny.
Because somehow some way you tap into like your little inner kid like you start doing like things that you used to do as a kid.
But it's it's healing and it's rewarding.
Just knowing that you got yourself and that you grow now.
You don't have to. You don't have to keep doing those things that you were doing before those those characteristics.
You can let them go. You don't have to be a people pleaser anymore.
You don't and you can practice that. You don't have to be afraid to stop someone or cut them off in the early stages.
Once you see that you know what I'm saying.
Okay, this person is striking is giving me like straight avoidant like, oh, no, I'm not cool with that. No, walk away.
So I was like scrolling on.
I think it was like either TikTok or Instagram or it could be like X or Twitter, you know, millennial Twitter and I saw this.
It was like a quote and it says the potential you see in other people isn't actually there.
It's just what you would do in their shoes.
That was definitely like a mic drop moment.
Because this is how a lot of us get into a lot of situations because we see the potential in somebody.
And it's literally it's just because of what we would do if we were in their shoes, but that doesn't mean that that's what they see and like, or what they would do.
That's why people be doing something you'd be like, but I wouldn't even do that if I was in your shoes.
Yeah, but they would.
You're not them.
When this happening to you, you wouldn't probably respond to this, but they did.
Just got to let that go.
You got to let them go.
That's not falling for people for that potential and like really just seeing people for who they are. That's gonna be like the best thing for you in this stage.
It's just let people just sit back and just let people come to you and they'll show you who they are.
Because listen, once somebody show you who they are once, please believe they ask.
Please believe them.
Okay.
Happy Black History Month everybody.
This quote comes from my dad.
He always sends us text messages during Black History Month.
And usually there are either quotes or like black backs of like the first black person to do this or the first black person to do that.
And one of my dad's quotes that he shared, which I do like actually, I really like it.
It says, faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase.
And that was by Martin Luther King Jr.
And it just means that even when the path ahead seems uncertain or unclear, having faith allows you to take the initial step towards your goal.
It just encourages you to take action despite not knowing what lies ahead.
This was literally something that I had to do.
I didn't know what I had planned.
I just stayed on it.
And I just kept taking a step forward with him though.
You know what I'm saying? I wasn't stepping in front of him.
Every time I would feel myself take a step, try to take a step before him.
I'd be like, sit down.
Sit down.
But I've missed you guys.
Happy Black History Month.
I cannot wait to meet back with you guys here on this beautiful podcast space of R&R Rod Rear with Shad's.
Thank you so much.
And I will catch you in the next clip.
Okay, bye.
Bye.