WEBVTT 00:00:05.070 --> 00:00:07.250 Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Trinity 00:00:07.250 --> 00:00:10.529 Sermons. This week we are wrapping up our teaching 00:00:10.529 --> 00:00:13.189 series called Spring Cleaning, where we're talking 00:00:13.189 --> 00:00:15.150 about some of the habits and things that happen 00:00:15.150 --> 00:00:17.609 in our lives that aren't really helpful to us 00:00:17.609 --> 00:00:20.309 and that maybe we need to clean up. Today we 00:00:20.309 --> 00:00:23.429 are talking about cleaning up conflict, something 00:00:23.429 --> 00:00:26.109 that we're probably all familiar with. Whether 00:00:26.109 --> 00:00:28.370 it's fighting with your spouse or your kids or 00:00:28.370 --> 00:00:31.210 your co -workers, we all have conflict in our 00:00:31.210 --> 00:00:34.399 life. But how do we deal with that? How do we 00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:38.259 avoid that? How do we work through it together? 00:00:38.579 --> 00:00:40.719 That's what Rob is going to talk to us about 00:00:40.719 --> 00:00:47.840 today. Today's reading is from the book of James, 00:00:48.020 --> 00:00:54.460 chapter 1, verses 19 through 21. My dear brothers 00:00:54.460 --> 00:00:58.640 and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should 00:00:58.640 --> 00:01:02.549 be quick to listen. slow to speak and slow to 00:01:02.549 --> 00:01:06.150 become angry because human anger does not produce 00:01:06.150 --> 00:01:09.370 the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, 00:01:09.530 --> 00:01:12.989 get rid of all moral filth and the evil that 00:01:12.989 --> 00:01:16.950 is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted 00:01:16.950 --> 00:01:21.109 in you, which can save you. The word of the Lord. 00:01:21.719 --> 00:01:24.219 Oh, I think that everybody somewhere in their 00:01:24.219 --> 00:01:27.400 home has a place like that. Maybe it's a junk 00:01:27.400 --> 00:01:29.540 drawer. Maybe it's a closet. Maybe it's your 00:01:29.540 --> 00:01:31.879 garage. It's that place where you stuff all this 00:01:31.879 --> 00:01:35.939 junk and hope that maybe you'll never see it 00:01:35.939 --> 00:01:38.420 again. But actually what we've been learning 00:01:38.420 --> 00:01:41.099 over the last few weeks is that perhaps the messiest 00:01:41.099 --> 00:01:44.760 place isn't a place in our house at all. It's 00:01:44.760 --> 00:01:49.060 our hearts, our cluttered up, junked up hearts 00:01:49.060 --> 00:01:52.489 that we stuff all sorts of. wounds and hurts 00:01:52.489 --> 00:01:55.530 and maybe, you know, frustrations in there, hoping 00:01:55.530 --> 00:01:58.870 that maybe we'll never have to deal with it again. 00:01:59.069 --> 00:02:02.030 But much like Monica's closet, at some point, 00:02:02.049 --> 00:02:05.129 all that stuff gets exposed. All that stuff comes 00:02:05.129 --> 00:02:08.069 out. And when it does, it often takes a real 00:02:08.069 --> 00:02:13.349 toll on our relationships. As Tim Keller said, 00:02:13.530 --> 00:02:16.250 he said, people are messy. It's not just Monica. 00:02:16.409 --> 00:02:18.870 It's not just you. It's not just me. All people 00:02:18.870 --> 00:02:22.060 are messy. Therefore, Our relationships will 00:02:22.060 --> 00:02:28.120 be messy. Expect messiness. And so whenever there's 00:02:28.120 --> 00:02:30.719 too many hurts or too many arguments or too many 00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:34.240 misunderstandings that pile up in us, eventually 00:02:34.240 --> 00:02:39.340 it's going to spill over. And often, you know, 00:02:39.360 --> 00:02:41.319 those relationships that we had around us that 00:02:41.319 --> 00:02:44.580 were so, you know, clean and tidy and squeaky 00:02:44.580 --> 00:02:47.759 clean become really cluttered, really conflicted 00:02:47.759 --> 00:02:51.360 and complicated. We've been doing this series 00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:53.819 just for a few weeks. We've been calling it Spring 00:02:53.819 --> 00:02:57.620 Cleaning. And what we're focusing on is trying 00:02:57.620 --> 00:03:00.560 to declutter some of that stuff that is in our 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:02.379 hearts. And if you've been following along with 00:03:02.379 --> 00:03:05.219 us, you know that two weeks ago we began. And 00:03:05.219 --> 00:03:08.520 we talked about a clear -out comparison, because 00:03:08.520 --> 00:03:11.020 when we are constantly comparing ourselves to 00:03:11.020 --> 00:03:14.020 others, it just doesn't do anything good for 00:03:14.020 --> 00:03:17.139 our heart, for our soul, for our lives. And then 00:03:17.139 --> 00:03:19.639 last week, we talked about how we need to conquer 00:03:19.639 --> 00:03:23.539 complaining. And we said that when we're constantly 00:03:23.539 --> 00:03:26.020 complaining, man, oh man, it's not just bad for 00:03:26.020 --> 00:03:28.180 our own health and draining for us, it's draining 00:03:28.180 --> 00:03:31.080 for the people around us, and it messes with 00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:36.050 our spiritual life as well. But today we are 00:03:36.050 --> 00:03:38.629 going to move on to this last topic where we're 00:03:38.629 --> 00:03:41.490 going to talk about how we clean up conflict 00:03:41.490 --> 00:03:44.750 in our lives. But as we've said each week, this 00:03:44.750 --> 00:03:47.409 is not easy to do. This is actually really, really 00:03:47.409 --> 00:03:50.289 hard to do. I dare say impossible for us to do. 00:03:50.409 --> 00:03:53.530 So we need help in cleaning up this kind of stuff 00:03:53.530 --> 00:03:55.710 in our lives. And that's why every week we've 00:03:55.710 --> 00:03:58.389 been praying this prayer, which is just a few 00:03:58.389 --> 00:04:04.250 verses from Psalm 139. God searched. me and know 00:04:04.250 --> 00:04:08.139 my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. 00:04:08.379 --> 00:04:11.039 Dig around in that closet in there, God, and 00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:13.979 see if there's any offensive way in me and then 00:04:13.979 --> 00:04:17.779 lead me in the way everlasting. And this prayer 00:04:17.779 --> 00:04:21.720 is so, so helpful because it's inviting God into 00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:23.899 this process. God, I want you to go deep, not 00:04:23.899 --> 00:04:26.379 just the surface. God wants you to go deep and 00:04:26.379 --> 00:04:29.360 see what's going on in there. But secondly, it 00:04:29.360 --> 00:04:33.100 also invites God to lead us. Lead me in a new 00:04:33.100 --> 00:04:36.519 way, a better way. Lead me. in a cleanup plan 00:04:36.519 --> 00:04:39.360 for this mess that I have in my heart. So if 00:04:39.360 --> 00:04:42.360 you would, before we go any further today, let's 00:04:42.360 --> 00:04:46.220 once again together pray these words out loud. 00:04:47.139 --> 00:04:52.240 Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:56.759 know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any 00:04:56.759 --> 00:05:02.379 offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. 00:05:03.660 --> 00:05:08.259 Amen. All right, now God is, we've invited him 00:05:08.259 --> 00:05:10.079 into this process. Let's talk a little bit about 00:05:10.079 --> 00:05:13.279 how we can clean up conflict in our lives. I 00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:16.079 should tell you, I nearly called this cleaning 00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:19.300 up criticism, but I went with conflict. But the 00:05:19.300 --> 00:05:22.339 truth be told, criticism and conflict are really 00:05:22.339 --> 00:05:25.759 closely related because the words we say, critical, 00:05:25.819 --> 00:05:29.800 hard words, are so deeply tied to the conflict 00:05:29.800 --> 00:05:31.459 we experience in our lives. And nowhere does 00:05:31.459 --> 00:05:33.139 that seem to come up more clearly than in that 00:05:33.139 --> 00:05:36.230 reading that we just read. read from james my 00:05:36.230 --> 00:05:39.050 dear brothers and sisters take note of this everyone 00:05:39.050 --> 00:05:42.509 should be quick to listen slow to speak and slow 00:05:42.509 --> 00:05:45.949 to become angry see the connection between anger 00:05:45.949 --> 00:05:49.550 and speaking right because human anger does not 00:05:49.550 --> 00:05:53.980 produce the righteousness that god desires Now, 00:05:54.000 --> 00:05:56.000 it's worth asking, who is this James guy, and 00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:58.100 where does he think he's coming from to come 00:05:58.100 --> 00:06:00.920 and lecture us about conflict? Well, I want to 00:06:00.920 --> 00:06:04.079 actually tell you that James has a couple claims 00:06:04.079 --> 00:06:07.759 to fame. One is something that I cannot relate 00:06:07.759 --> 00:06:09.899 to at all, and the other is something that I 00:06:09.899 --> 00:06:12.720 actually can relate to. You see, the first thing, 00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:14.639 and this is the one that I can't relate to, is 00:06:14.639 --> 00:06:19.019 that James was the brother of Jesus. I just want 00:06:19.019 --> 00:06:20.980 you to imagine that. Imagine growing up, and 00:06:20.980 --> 00:06:24.959 Jesus is your brother. If my brother had said 00:06:24.959 --> 00:06:29.139 to me, hey, Rob, I'm the son of God, I would 00:06:29.139 --> 00:06:32.019 have given him like such a wedgie, right? It 00:06:32.019 --> 00:06:35.279 would have been the end of him, right? And actually, 00:06:35.319 --> 00:06:38.259 James didn't really believe that Jesus was the 00:06:38.259 --> 00:06:42.819 son of God either until something happened that 00:06:42.819 --> 00:06:45.319 totally changed his mind. And, oh, what was it? 00:06:45.319 --> 00:06:48.420 What was that thing? What did Jesus do that? 00:06:49.100 --> 00:06:52.939 Oh yeah, he rose from the dead. And when he rose 00:06:52.939 --> 00:06:56.000 from the dead, all of a sudden, James, his brother, 00:06:56.079 --> 00:06:59.300 went from giving him noogies to giving him praise 00:06:59.300 --> 00:07:02.040 and giving him worship. He went from being a 00:07:02.040 --> 00:07:06.620 skeptic about Jesus to being a leader in the 00:07:06.620 --> 00:07:09.600 church. And that's the thing that I actually 00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:13.500 do have in common with James. James was a pastor 00:07:13.500 --> 00:07:15.879 of a church, and I'm the pastor of a church. 00:07:15.980 --> 00:07:18.160 James' church was in Jerusalem. It was a very 00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:20.990 real church. church with very real people uh 00:07:20.990 --> 00:07:23.649 you know and they had very real situations in 00:07:23.649 --> 00:07:26.420 a very real city and actually There's actually 00:07:26.420 --> 00:07:28.879 very real problems going on in that church. You 00:07:28.879 --> 00:07:30.680 would have to think that's the case because why 00:07:30.680 --> 00:07:34.399 would a pastor write this to their church if 00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:36.439 there weren't something in there that he was 00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:38.319 addressing? If I sent an email like this out 00:07:38.319 --> 00:07:39.980 to you guys after church today, everybody would 00:07:39.980 --> 00:07:41.860 be like, what's going on? I wonder who's done 00:07:41.860 --> 00:07:45.259 what or whatever, right? So I can relate to James, 00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:47.740 but you also should be able to relate because 00:07:47.740 --> 00:07:50.079 look, it seems like 2000 years ago, people were 00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:52.759 struggling with conflict. And today, many of 00:07:52.759 --> 00:07:55.139 you here are also struggling with conflict in 00:07:55.139 --> 00:07:57.189 your life. lives conflict in your family conflict 00:07:57.189 --> 00:07:59.490 in your marriage maybe it's conflict at work 00:07:59.490 --> 00:08:02.050 maybe it's conflict at school conflict with your 00:08:02.050 --> 00:08:05.209 friends and and maybe you've been stuffing that 00:08:05.209 --> 00:08:08.389 conflict and those hurt feelings and those misunderstandings 00:08:08.389 --> 00:08:11.509 into some closet deep down in your heart and 00:08:11.509 --> 00:08:14.449 it's gonna burst one day so tell you what let's 00:08:14.449 --> 00:08:18.149 clean it out instead before that happens what 00:08:18.149 --> 00:08:20.550 james gives us in this very short little reading 00:08:20.550 --> 00:08:23.529 that daniel read for us is simple it's a simple 00:08:23.529 --> 00:08:26.540 basic blue for cleaning up conflict. But though 00:08:26.540 --> 00:08:28.899 it's simple, it doesn't mean it's easy. Certainly 00:08:28.899 --> 00:08:31.879 not easy. But I've given you a few sermon notes 00:08:31.879 --> 00:08:34.840 so you can follow along. And maybe when you leave 00:08:34.840 --> 00:08:37.679 here today, you've got a few blueprints on how 00:08:37.679 --> 00:08:39.919 to work through the conflict in your own life. 00:08:40.120 --> 00:08:43.720 So let's start with the first point on James's 00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:46.759 cleanup list for conflict. And he says simply 00:08:46.759 --> 00:08:51.100 this, hey, everyone should be quick to listen. 00:08:52.139 --> 00:08:53.779 Now, right away, that sounds like a bit of a 00:08:53.779 --> 00:08:57.980 strange statement. How does one listen quickly? 00:08:58.620 --> 00:09:00.980 It's kind of strange. You can speak quickly. 00:09:01.299 --> 00:09:04.299 You can blow up quickly, but listen quickly. 00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:07.120 I mean, how does that happen? And I think what 00:09:07.120 --> 00:09:09.960 James is actually getting at here is he's saying 00:09:09.960 --> 00:09:14.480 what we should do is make listening our first 00:09:14.480 --> 00:09:20.440 response rather than our last resort. Okay? And 00:09:20.440 --> 00:09:23.240 isn't it true that in just about every single 00:09:23.240 --> 00:09:26.500 conflict you've been part of, both arguing parties 00:09:26.500 --> 00:09:29.960 want the same thing. They want to be heard. They 00:09:29.960 --> 00:09:33.139 want to be listened to. They want to be understood. 00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:36.429 I think that's why we're... We're constantly 00:09:36.429 --> 00:09:40.029 interrupting each other because, you know, and 00:09:40.029 --> 00:09:41.789 we're constantly defending each other is because 00:09:41.789 --> 00:09:43.370 deep down inside we're saying, if you would just 00:09:43.370 --> 00:09:46.690 listen to me, then you would not understand my 00:09:46.690 --> 00:09:48.909 problem and you would know why I'm right. And 00:09:48.909 --> 00:09:50.169 then the person on the other side is saying, 00:09:50.230 --> 00:09:52.850 well, if you would just listen to me, then you 00:09:52.850 --> 00:09:57.190 would know why I am right. And here's the thing 00:09:57.190 --> 00:10:00.309 that makes conflict so, so tricky is that it's 00:10:00.309 --> 00:10:03.509 really, really hard to hear what someone else 00:10:03.509 --> 00:10:07.389 is saying to you feel like you yourself have 00:10:07.389 --> 00:10:10.730 not been heard by them. I can't really hear what 00:10:10.730 --> 00:10:13.750 you're saying until you have heard me. And you 00:10:13.750 --> 00:10:18.009 can't really hear what I'm saying until you feel 00:10:18.009 --> 00:10:21.149 like you have been heard. And so what happens? 00:10:21.210 --> 00:10:22.809 I'll tell you what happens. We just talk over 00:10:22.809 --> 00:10:24.929 each other. We're going back and forth, interrupting, 00:10:25.250 --> 00:10:29.330 defending. And nobody is really actually listening. 00:10:29.450 --> 00:10:31.570 We're like Monica, just throwing things into 00:10:31.570 --> 00:10:34.710 the closet, throwing comments, throwing our opinions, 00:10:34.970 --> 00:10:38.330 throwing more and more stuff, reactions, words. 00:10:38.450 --> 00:10:41.389 It all gets thrown. And no one's actually stopping 00:10:41.389 --> 00:10:47.169 to say, what is it that the other person is actually 00:10:47.169 --> 00:10:50.529 saying? So what James is saying to us is, therefore, 00:10:50.629 --> 00:10:53.250 the first step to resolving conflict has got 00:10:53.250 --> 00:10:57.470 to be for us simply to be. quick, make it our 00:10:57.470 --> 00:11:02.610 first priority, to listen and resist that urge 00:11:02.610 --> 00:11:08.250 to interrupt. Now, I will admit personally for 00:11:08.250 --> 00:11:10.809 me, and by admitting this, I hope it's also true 00:11:10.809 --> 00:11:15.259 of you, that One of my problems is when I'm trying 00:11:15.259 --> 00:11:18.600 to or pretending to listen to someone, I'm actually 00:11:18.600 --> 00:11:21.600 not really listening. What I'm doing is formulating 00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:25.000 my response in my head. So they're going, da, 00:11:25.100 --> 00:11:27.419 da, da, da, da, da. Meanwhile, I'm going, hmm, 00:11:27.580 --> 00:11:30.480 buffering, loading, loading response, loading 00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:33.559 response, preparing response. And then when they 00:11:33.559 --> 00:11:36.659 finally stop for a moment, I go, bing. All right, 00:11:36.679 --> 00:11:39.740 I've got my three zingers that I've just thought 00:11:39.740 --> 00:11:42.279 up, and I'm ready to fire them at you. of these, 00:11:42.340 --> 00:11:45.840 I guarantee, is going to win me the argument, 00:11:46.080 --> 00:11:49.840 okay? That's at least how my mind works sometimes. 00:11:49.980 --> 00:11:52.720 I hope I'm not the only one here, but I think 00:11:52.720 --> 00:11:54.700 what I need to learn, what we all need to learn, 00:11:54.759 --> 00:11:59.659 is that listening is not the same thing as just 00:11:59.659 --> 00:12:04.919 waiting for your turn to talk, right? So instead, 00:12:05.320 --> 00:12:09.559 what we need to do is, instead of preparing our 00:12:09.559 --> 00:12:13.019 response, We actually need to listen. What if 00:12:13.019 --> 00:12:15.120 we weren't like, how am I going to respond here? 00:12:15.179 --> 00:12:17.840 What if we were instead saying like, what is 00:12:17.840 --> 00:12:23.200 it that I'm missing here? Right? And so far, 00:12:23.220 --> 00:12:26.240 this all sounds like just communication advice 00:12:26.240 --> 00:12:28.980 you could get from YouTube or whatever. But this 00:12:28.980 --> 00:12:33.440 actually has a spiritual, a deep spiritual dimension 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:37.220 to it. And that's because this requires a charism 00:12:37.220 --> 00:12:42.289 called humility. And humility is this thing that 00:12:42.289 --> 00:12:46.649 Jesus says, strive to be humble. Strive to put 00:12:46.649 --> 00:12:49.649 others ahead of yourself. And that's what we're 00:12:49.649 --> 00:12:51.330 doing here. We're saying, I'm going to let you 00:12:51.330 --> 00:12:55.049 speak. And I'm going to like button my lip and 00:12:55.049 --> 00:12:58.570 I'm going to listen. So letting them talk, you 00:12:58.570 --> 00:13:01.750 listen. And humility also means that it's admitting 00:13:01.750 --> 00:13:03.789 that, you know, maybe I'm not seeing the whole 00:13:03.789 --> 00:13:06.809 picture here. Or maybe I don't fully understand 00:13:06.809 --> 00:13:08.929 this person. That is a real hard thing to admit. 00:13:09.169 --> 00:13:12.450 It's a real hard place to get to sometimes. But 00:13:12.450 --> 00:13:17.210 the only way. that we can understand what a problem 00:13:17.210 --> 00:13:19.990 is really about is if we understand the person. 00:13:20.029 --> 00:13:22.549 And the only way we're going to understand the 00:13:22.549 --> 00:13:28.049 person is if we're quick to listen, okay? So 00:13:28.049 --> 00:13:30.789 that's step one, James says. You just got to 00:13:30.789 --> 00:13:32.649 be quick to listen. That's the first part of 00:13:32.649 --> 00:13:34.230 the cleanup plan. The second part, though, James 00:13:34.230 --> 00:13:37.789 continues, is you also need to be slow to speak. 00:13:37.870 --> 00:13:41.129 Now, we do the exact opposites, right? Normally, 00:13:41.250 --> 00:13:44.279 we are very quick to speak. And we are slow to 00:13:44.279 --> 00:13:45.679 listen. But James is saying, no, you need to 00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:50.360 be quick to listen and slow to speak. And man, 00:13:50.419 --> 00:13:52.019 oh man, what good advice is this? Because how 00:13:52.019 --> 00:13:54.240 many times do we get ourselves into trouble because 00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:58.779 we are too quick to speak? Oh, I've got something 00:13:58.779 --> 00:14:00.659 really important I got to say. I just got to 00:14:00.659 --> 00:14:03.980 blurt it out. And then we say it and dang it. 00:14:04.039 --> 00:14:06.980 I should not have said that. I should have just. 00:14:07.539 --> 00:14:11.019 man, if I could take that back, isn't it true? 00:14:11.159 --> 00:14:14.240 Isn't it true that so many of the worst moments 00:14:14.240 --> 00:14:17.980 in our lives and your life too, I think, are 00:14:17.980 --> 00:14:21.960 because we were just too, too quick to speak 00:14:21.960 --> 00:14:25.259 and we were too slow to listen. All the things 00:14:25.259 --> 00:14:27.419 we regret, all the conversations we wish we could 00:14:27.419 --> 00:14:30.240 just rewind and do over again, right? It's almost 00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:35.149 always because we were too quick to speak. I 00:14:35.149 --> 00:14:37.750 think being quick to speak can also mean, though, 00:14:37.769 --> 00:14:41.529 talking too much, like dominating a conversation 00:14:41.529 --> 00:14:44.590 and not letting anyone else get a word in edgewise. 00:14:44.750 --> 00:14:48.029 And I think that definitely this happens in spouses, 00:14:48.409 --> 00:14:50.809 between spouses. It happens in families. I think 00:14:50.809 --> 00:14:52.950 it can happen when the boss is always talking 00:14:52.950 --> 00:14:54.669 and everybody has to listen to the boss. He just 00:14:54.669 --> 00:14:56.809 goes on and on. It can even happen for pastors. 00:14:56.929 --> 00:14:58.490 I mean, look at me. I get to stand up here on 00:14:58.490 --> 00:15:00.769 the stage and just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, 00:15:00.769 --> 00:15:03.049 talk. And you guys are forced to just sit there 00:15:03.049 --> 00:15:05.200 and listen. It's absolutely wonderful, right? 00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:08.600 People love, people love to be listened to. But 00:15:08.600 --> 00:15:12.440 perhaps it's actually with children and our kids 00:15:12.440 --> 00:15:16.440 where this can really, it strikes me. And imagine 00:15:16.440 --> 00:15:19.080 this, imagine this, you know, junior comes to 00:15:19.080 --> 00:15:21.919 you and they're like, dad, you know, I've really 00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:23.759 got something I want to talk to you about, you 00:15:23.759 --> 00:15:27.899 know, and they just start getting into it. And 00:15:27.899 --> 00:15:30.039 you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen there. 00:15:30.059 --> 00:15:32.039 Listen there, kiddo. Let me stop you right there. 00:15:32.240 --> 00:15:35.120 Let your old pa give you a little bit of advice 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:36.980 here. Because, you know, I'm a little bit older 00:15:36.980 --> 00:15:39.279 than you and wiser. And I've been around the 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:41.600 block a few times. And I got a lot of wisdom 00:15:41.600 --> 00:15:44.299 up here in my noggin that you don't have in your 00:15:44.299 --> 00:15:47.419 juvenile. You know, your brain is still forming. 00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:51.419 So you just sit there and let me download into 00:15:51.419 --> 00:15:56.379 your brain, your mind, all my wisdom and all 00:15:56.379 --> 00:15:59.779 my knowledge. knowledge and just be quiet and 00:15:59.779 --> 00:16:02.299 listen to me. And just when you're getting ready 00:16:02.299 --> 00:16:07.019 to lean into that amazing dad lecture, you look 00:16:07.019 --> 00:16:09.659 up and you're like, hey, where did they go? They're 00:16:09.659 --> 00:16:12.659 gone. Hey, why don't we spend more time together? 00:16:13.080 --> 00:16:18.059 We never talk, you know. And why is that? It's 00:16:18.059 --> 00:16:24.659 because we're too quick to speak. And often what 00:16:24.659 --> 00:16:29.399 that means is we are shutting down the very person 00:16:29.399 --> 00:16:32.700 that we're trying to reach. You can actually 00:16:32.700 --> 00:16:37.460 talk your way right out of a relationship. So 00:16:37.460 --> 00:16:39.279 what's a better strategy? What's a better strategy? 00:16:39.320 --> 00:16:43.080 Well, a better strategy would be to be curious 00:16:43.080 --> 00:16:46.960 and to ask more questions. So instead of jumping 00:16:46.960 --> 00:16:50.059 in with the answers, right, start with questions. 00:16:50.779 --> 00:16:53.620 Instead of correcting someone, saying, let me 00:16:53.620 --> 00:16:56.919 tell you how it is, start instead trying to understand. 00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:00.240 Imagine you're in the middle of a really tense 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:02.480 conversation. Instead of you saying, ah, that's 00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:06.059 not true. Oh, you're so wrong. You always say 00:17:06.059 --> 00:17:09.180 that, you know, you always do this. Imagine if 00:17:09.180 --> 00:17:13.200 instead you could kind of train yourself to say, 00:17:13.299 --> 00:17:18.700 you know, why is this important to you? Can you 00:17:18.700 --> 00:17:23.380 say that to me in a different way? Help me understand 00:17:23.380 --> 00:17:27.980 why you feel that way. I mean, if you could start, 00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:31.059 if I could start speaking that way to the people 00:17:31.059 --> 00:17:33.519 around me, especially in conflicting situations, 00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:35.900 we would discover something really, really important. 00:17:36.079 --> 00:17:40.140 And that is that questions actually open people 00:17:40.140 --> 00:17:43.710 up. Whereas the statements we make, the lectures 00:17:43.710 --> 00:17:45.869 we give, the preaching and teaching we love to 00:17:45.869 --> 00:17:48.450 do into people's lives, it actually ends up shutting 00:17:48.450 --> 00:17:51.730 them down. And you know where it's a good place 00:17:51.730 --> 00:17:55.150 to see this? It's actually on our Alpha course. 00:17:55.650 --> 00:17:58.549 We're running right now Alpha here at Trinity. 00:17:58.809 --> 00:18:01.190 It's been two weeks so far. It's been amazing. 00:18:01.289 --> 00:18:03.549 And what Alpha is, and we always say, it's a 00:18:03.549 --> 00:18:05.890 place for you to come and ask your questions. 00:18:06.049 --> 00:18:09.470 It's a safe place to explore the Christian faith. 00:18:09.950 --> 00:18:14.089 And what the training is for alpha leaders is 00:18:14.089 --> 00:18:17.869 this. You are not allowed to pretend to be the 00:18:17.869 --> 00:18:20.589 teacher. You are not allowed to answer all their 00:18:20.589 --> 00:18:22.849 questions. You are not allowed to preach at them. 00:18:22.930 --> 00:18:24.809 You are not allowed to make all these statements. 00:18:25.130 --> 00:18:27.849 Why are the leaders of the alpha groups not allowed 00:18:27.849 --> 00:18:32.089 to do that? It's because questions open people 00:18:32.089 --> 00:18:37.710 up. Statements often shut them down. It's like 00:18:37.710 --> 00:18:40.450 Chandler trying to break into Monica's closet, 00:18:40.710 --> 00:18:42.970 right? You know, statements are like trying to 00:18:42.970 --> 00:18:46.329 force your way into somebody's life, but questions 00:18:46.329 --> 00:18:51.309 and curiosity open them up in a completely different 00:18:51.309 --> 00:18:55.490 way. Now, I know that you might say, well, Rob, 00:18:55.529 --> 00:18:57.710 if I ask all these questions and if I'm constantly 00:18:57.710 --> 00:18:59.789 being curious, then they're just going to dominate 00:18:59.789 --> 00:19:01.829 the conversation and they're just going to talk, 00:19:01.930 --> 00:19:03.990 talk, talk, and I'm never going to get a chance 00:19:03.990 --> 00:19:05.990 to say anything. And I guess the short answer, 00:19:06.589 --> 00:19:09.690 is yes, that might be what happens and maybe 00:19:09.690 --> 00:19:14.089 that's what needs to happen. But hopefully, by 00:19:14.089 --> 00:19:18.230 God's grace, they also are striving to be quick 00:19:18.230 --> 00:19:23.190 to listen and slow to speak as well. But just 00:19:23.190 --> 00:19:27.710 remember this, the goal of a conversation is 00:19:27.710 --> 00:19:33.369 not to win the conversation. The goal is to understand. 00:19:34.190 --> 00:19:38.490 And the longer they talk, then the more you're 00:19:38.490 --> 00:19:40.950 going to learn. And therefore, the more you're 00:19:40.950 --> 00:19:43.910 going to understand, right? I think that's where 00:19:43.910 --> 00:19:46.750 James is coming from in this. So James says, 00:19:46.849 --> 00:19:49.569 hey, be quick to listen. Step one, be slow to 00:19:49.569 --> 00:19:53.970 speak. And then step three, he says, be slow 00:19:53.970 --> 00:20:00.069 to become angry. Now, this is definitely related 00:20:00.069 --> 00:20:02.930 to the first two, because you could say, you 00:20:02.930 --> 00:20:05.680 know what? If you do number one and number two, 00:20:05.720 --> 00:20:07.599 then number three is going to kind of come naturally. 00:20:07.619 --> 00:20:11.200 If you are slow or quick to listen to someone, 00:20:11.299 --> 00:20:14.819 and then you are also slow to speak, then quite 00:20:14.819 --> 00:20:18.940 naturally, you're going to less likely get angry. 00:20:19.460 --> 00:20:21.779 So, you know, this one could be both a decision 00:20:21.779 --> 00:20:24.279 on your part, but it's also a result of steps 00:20:24.279 --> 00:20:28.660 one and two. Put another way, I think the longer 00:20:28.660 --> 00:20:32.240 you listen, the more you learn, and therefore 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:36.910 the less angry you'll be you won't be able to 00:20:36.910 --> 00:20:40.069 be as angry because you have learned and understood 00:20:40.069 --> 00:20:43.569 more now when you think of anger you might think 00:20:43.569 --> 00:20:46.450 of someone who's like blowing a gasket you know 00:20:46.450 --> 00:20:49.730 closet purse open all the junk comes out yes 00:20:49.730 --> 00:20:52.529 some people get angry in a very loud way other 00:20:52.529 --> 00:20:55.990 people get angry in a very quiet way it's just 00:20:55.990 --> 00:21:00.279 the the cold shoulder the silent treatment The 00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:03.519 eye roll, the internal shutdown, the simmering 00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:07.460 resentment underneath the surface. There's lots 00:21:07.460 --> 00:21:12.799 of ways to be angry. But actually, I think James 00:21:12.799 --> 00:21:16.140 particularly is talking about anger in a way 00:21:16.140 --> 00:21:18.519 that this is maybe kind of the best way to understand 00:21:18.519 --> 00:21:21.900 it. He's talking about when we draw very hasty. 00:21:22.639 --> 00:21:25.500 and misinformed conclusions about people that 00:21:25.500 --> 00:21:28.660 that damage the relationship so it's like this 00:21:28.660 --> 00:21:30.660 self -centered posture it says yeah yeah yeah 00:21:30.660 --> 00:21:32.839 yeah yeah i know i know what you're saying i 00:21:32.839 --> 00:21:34.339 know where you're coming from you don't need 00:21:34.339 --> 00:21:36.220 to tell me anymore i've already got it figured 00:21:36.220 --> 00:21:40.539 out now it's my turn to talk right i know i'm 00:21:40.539 --> 00:21:43.440 right i know what and i know that you're wrong 00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:48.789 okay but um Here is something I learned this 00:21:48.789 --> 00:21:50.230 week, and it's one of those things that you're 00:21:50.230 --> 00:21:51.750 like, when you hear it, you're like, duh, of 00:21:51.750 --> 00:21:53.890 course, of course that's true. And I read it 00:21:53.890 --> 00:21:56.049 from, there's another pastor down in Atlanta. 00:21:56.190 --> 00:21:57.910 We have some people from Atlanta here today. 00:21:58.130 --> 00:22:01.910 His name is Andy Stanley, and he makes this point, 00:22:01.970 --> 00:22:05.970 and it's really, really smart. He says, he says 00:22:05.970 --> 00:22:11.269 that everything that people do actually makes 00:22:11.269 --> 00:22:13.839 perfect sense to them. It might not make sense 00:22:13.839 --> 00:22:15.880 to you, but it makes sense to them. And everything 00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:22.019 that people say also makes complete sense from 00:22:22.019 --> 00:22:25.259 their perspective, right? Now, it doesn't mean 00:22:25.259 --> 00:22:26.700 that they're right, and it doesn't mean that 00:22:26.700 --> 00:22:29.220 you agree with them. It doesn't mean that it 00:22:29.220 --> 00:22:32.220 was okay what they said or did, but it does simply 00:22:32.220 --> 00:22:35.259 mean this. Whatever it was they said or did, 00:22:35.460 --> 00:22:40.960 they obviously had a reason, right? And you... 00:22:41.799 --> 00:22:44.319 could sit there thinking, that makes no sense. 00:22:44.380 --> 00:22:47.099 Why on earth would they do that? Why on earth 00:22:47.099 --> 00:22:50.980 would they say that? Good question. Why? Why 00:22:50.980 --> 00:22:53.039 would they say that? Why would they do that? 00:22:53.099 --> 00:22:57.079 That is something we need to figure out. Because 00:22:57.079 --> 00:22:59.119 there's obviously something going on here that 00:22:59.119 --> 00:23:01.799 you don't understand. They have an understanding 00:23:01.799 --> 00:23:05.059 that you don't. And if you understood their story, 00:23:05.220 --> 00:23:07.539 if you listened a little bit more, then maybe 00:23:07.539 --> 00:23:09.180 you would understand that. Maybe you would understand 00:23:09.180 --> 00:23:12.619 where they're coming from. Maybe if you were 00:23:12.619 --> 00:23:14.779 in their shoes, you would even make the same 00:23:14.779 --> 00:23:19.680 decision. It's also true that everything that 00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:23.680 a person believes makes total sense to them, 00:23:23.700 --> 00:23:26.140 even if it's not at all what you believe. This 00:23:26.140 --> 00:23:27.700 is really important for us to remember here at 00:23:27.700 --> 00:23:30.759 Trinity, because people may come into this church, 00:23:30.859 --> 00:23:33.400 they do every week, and they don't believe what 00:23:33.400 --> 00:23:35.799 you believe. They may not even call themselves 00:23:35.799 --> 00:23:37.579 a Christian. They're in a very different place 00:23:37.579 --> 00:23:41.240 when it comes to what they believe. And we need 00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:44.059 to absolutely make sure that no one ever feels 00:23:44.059 --> 00:23:50.160 judged for what they believe. Because, again, 00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:53.339 we all have reasons for what we believe. And 00:23:53.339 --> 00:23:56.809 they have a reason for what they believe. You 00:23:56.809 --> 00:23:59.529 know, Monica's closet is full of all sorts of 00:23:59.529 --> 00:24:01.690 odds and ends that she decided to keep for some 00:24:01.690 --> 00:24:03.490 reason. We don't know why those were important 00:24:03.490 --> 00:24:06.130 to her, why she held on to them, but she did, 00:24:06.329 --> 00:24:08.730 okay? We don't know the reason. The same is true 00:24:08.730 --> 00:24:10.970 for people. We don't know the reason why someone 00:24:10.970 --> 00:24:14.029 would say something or do something or even believe 00:24:14.029 --> 00:24:17.470 something, but we have to understand they have 00:24:17.470 --> 00:24:22.440 their reasons. When we get angry, what we're 00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:25.859 saying is, I know enough, I've heard enough, 00:24:26.119 --> 00:24:30.259 I've seen enough to know and to judge you. I 00:24:30.259 --> 00:24:32.000 know exactly what you're thinking and where you're 00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:33.859 coming from. But humility says, actually, maybe, 00:24:33.940 --> 00:24:37.660 maybe, maybe I actually don't know what's going 00:24:37.660 --> 00:24:40.420 on here. And maybe they have their reasons that 00:24:40.420 --> 00:24:45.119 I don't understand. James's whole cleanup plan 00:24:45.119 --> 00:24:49.740 boils down basically to one kind of big conclusion 00:24:49.740 --> 00:24:54.900 at the end. And that is this, that it is way, 00:24:54.940 --> 00:24:59.539 way better to try to get right with someone than 00:24:59.539 --> 00:25:06.119 it is to try to be right at someone, right? And 00:25:06.119 --> 00:25:08.019 this is really what it's all about. This is really 00:25:08.019 --> 00:25:11.099 actually what the whole gospel is about. James, 00:25:11.220 --> 00:25:14.299 he puts it this way. He says, human anger does 00:25:14.299 --> 00:25:17.779 not produce the righteousness. And I think you 00:25:17.779 --> 00:25:20.500 could, Actually, just say human anger doesn't 00:25:20.500 --> 00:25:26.400 produce the rightness that God desires. So you 00:25:26.400 --> 00:25:29.359 see, my anger is trying to produce a rightness 00:25:29.359 --> 00:25:33.160 that I desire. And your anger is trying to produce 00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:35.980 a rightness that you desire. But in the midst 00:25:35.980 --> 00:25:37.700 of all that, actually, God has a rightness that 00:25:37.700 --> 00:25:40.480 he desires. I've got my opinion and I've got 00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:43.640 my agenda. You've got your opinion and your agenda. 00:25:43.700 --> 00:25:45.359 But in the midst of all that, you know what? 00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:48.970 God also has an agenda. God also wants something 00:25:48.970 --> 00:25:53.690 to happen here. But God's agenda isn't about 00:25:53.690 --> 00:25:56.430 one person being right over the other person. 00:25:57.069 --> 00:26:01.190 God's agenda is about both people getting right 00:26:01.190 --> 00:26:07.089 with each other. And here's the truth. You can 00:26:07.089 --> 00:26:12.410 win an argument, but then go ahead and lose the 00:26:12.410 --> 00:26:15.619 relationship. You can prove your point. Congratulations, 00:26:15.940 --> 00:26:17.779 you made your point. But then you push the other 00:26:17.779 --> 00:26:23.079 person away. You can be right and still be wrong. 00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:27.640 Because again, God's goal isn't that you win 00:26:27.640 --> 00:26:32.380 an argument. God's goal is that you restore a 00:26:32.380 --> 00:26:35.660 relationship. If you don't believe me, we just 00:26:35.660 --> 00:26:40.559 got to look at the life of Jesus. Jesus didn't 00:26:40.559 --> 00:26:45.559 come. to prove he was right. Of course Jesus 00:26:45.559 --> 00:26:49.200 was right. He's the truth incarnate. He is the 00:26:49.200 --> 00:26:52.480 word. He is the logos, right? He is the attorney. 00:26:52.859 --> 00:26:54.940 There's never been anyone who's been more right, 00:26:55.000 --> 00:27:00.259 more righteous than Jesus. But Jesus's biggest 00:27:00.259 --> 00:27:05.720 goal wasn't to come to earth to be right at us. 00:27:06.039 --> 00:27:11.609 He came to make things right with us. To reconcile 00:27:11.609 --> 00:27:16.589 us to God and to reconcile us to each other. 00:27:17.529 --> 00:27:20.390 Think about it. When God sent his son into the 00:27:20.390 --> 00:27:23.069 world, he did not drop him into history as a 00:27:23.069 --> 00:27:26.009 preacher with a big old megaphone, right? He 00:27:26.009 --> 00:27:29.069 didn't show up as Wes Huff, you know, winning 00:27:29.069 --> 00:27:32.690 every debate and argument. No, he came as a baby 00:27:32.690 --> 00:27:38.250 who couldn't even talk. Right? And so for years, 00:27:38.529 --> 00:27:42.289 for 30 years, he mostly watched and he listened 00:27:42.289 --> 00:27:43.849 and he experienced. You could say that before 00:27:43.849 --> 00:27:47.589 Jesus preached to us, he listened to us. Before 00:27:47.589 --> 00:27:52.130 he spoke to us, he lived with us. He was very, 00:27:52.190 --> 00:27:55.670 very quick to listen. And he was very, very slow 00:27:55.670 --> 00:27:58.410 to speak. He didn't preach his first sermon until 00:27:58.410 --> 00:28:02.710 he was 30. And he was very slow to become angry. 00:28:02.750 --> 00:28:05.369 Jesus did become angry sometimes, but... but 00:28:05.369 --> 00:28:08.829 he was very slow to become angry. Jesus knew 00:28:08.829 --> 00:28:12.309 that the kingdom of God wasn't going to come 00:28:12.309 --> 00:28:16.210 with arguments. It was going to come on a cross. 00:28:17.069 --> 00:28:20.109 And on that cross, Jesus took all of our sinful 00:28:20.109 --> 00:28:23.509 words, all of our selfish anger, all of our, 00:28:23.609 --> 00:28:26.230 you know, I must be right, prideful attitudes. 00:28:26.670 --> 00:28:29.829 He took it all on himself on the cross, and he 00:28:29.829 --> 00:28:33.309 did there what no amount of arguing could ever 00:28:33.309 --> 00:28:37.769 do. He ended the conflict between God and us. 00:28:38.150 --> 00:28:42.200 But not just that. He also... created a way for 00:28:42.200 --> 00:28:44.500 us to be right with each other. Look at what 00:28:44.500 --> 00:28:47.720 Paul says. Christ Jesus, he himself is our peace 00:28:47.720 --> 00:28:52.430 who has made... The two groups, so this was a 00:28:52.430 --> 00:28:54.210 particular church where two groups were fighting 00:28:54.210 --> 00:28:56.890 with each other. One, he's made these two groups 00:28:56.890 --> 00:28:59.589 one, and it's destroyed the barrier, the dividing 00:28:59.589 --> 00:29:03.990 wall of hostility between us. The cross has two 00:29:03.990 --> 00:29:07.730 beams to it. There is a vertical beam, God reconciling 00:29:07.730 --> 00:29:10.789 us to himself in Jesus, and there's a horizontal 00:29:10.789 --> 00:29:14.109 beam where we are now called to reconcile with 00:29:14.109 --> 00:29:18.980 those around us. It's like Monica's... Jesus 00:29:18.980 --> 00:29:22.059 is the only one who is able to open the doors 00:29:22.059 --> 00:29:25.380 of our hearts and truly clean out the mess and 00:29:25.380 --> 00:29:28.180 the sins that are on inside there, decluttering 00:29:28.180 --> 00:29:30.779 them, making us brand new. And all that happened 00:29:30.779 --> 00:29:35.859 on the cross where he gave his life not to be 00:29:35.859 --> 00:29:44.160 right, but to make things right between us. So 00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:46.339 what does that mean for us? What does all that 00:29:46.339 --> 00:29:50.220 mean? It means the next time you are in the middle 00:29:50.220 --> 00:29:52.180 of a conflict, and it won't be that long. It'll 00:29:52.180 --> 00:29:54.900 be this week. It'll be maybe with your spouse, 00:29:55.039 --> 00:29:57.420 maybe with your kids, your coworker, your boyfriend, 00:29:57.539 --> 00:29:59.240 your girlfriend, someone here, maybe someone 00:29:59.240 --> 00:30:03.380 here in this church. Hmm. You have a choice. 00:30:04.700 --> 00:30:10.170 Do I want to be right? Or do I want to get right? 00:30:10.250 --> 00:30:13.829 They are not the same thing. And following Jesus 00:30:13.829 --> 00:30:19.430 means choosing reconciliation over being right 00:30:19.430 --> 00:30:22.950 and winning the argument. Okay? So this week 00:30:22.950 --> 00:30:25.710 when conflict comes, and it will, be quick to 00:30:25.710 --> 00:30:31.009 listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry, 00:30:31.190 --> 00:30:38.599 and choose getting right over being right. Thanks 00:30:38.599 --> 00:30:43.019 be to God. Amen. Thanks for tuning in to this 00:30:43.019 --> 00:30:45.819 week's episode of Trinity Sermons. This sermon 00:30:45.819 --> 00:30:48.480 was recorded at Trinity Church Streetsville in 00:30:48.480 --> 00:30:53.559 Mississauga, Ontario on April 26, 2026.