1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,520 Hello everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Trinity Talks. My name is Kyla 2 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:12,600 and I'm the online engagement director here. And throughout the rest of February, as we're 3 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:17,520 talking in our sermon series about stories of faith in scripture, in Trinity Talks, we're 4 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:21,440 going to be talking about stories of faith here in our church. And so I'm really happy 5 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:27,040 to be sitting down with Jen Agard to hear a little bit about her story. So welcome to 6 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:28,040 the podcast, Jen. 7 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:29,720 Thank you. I'm happy to be here. 8 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:34,400 So for those who are watching or listening, they might have seen you around our church 9 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,980 before. You're often on the stage leading us at worship and you're one of our church 10 00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:42,920 wardens here. So I'm excited to hear more about your story of faith. 11 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,920 I'm happy and excited to tell you. 12 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:45,920 Yeah. 13 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:50,720 I hope it's not boring, but I'm sure it'll be great. So maybe we can just start. How 14 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,360 did you first learn about Jesus? 15 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:57,760 So I grew up in a Christian home. I think I've known about Jesus since I could talk. 16 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:03,600 My dad taught us the Lord's Prayer. We would repeat it after him. And we went to church. 17 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,920 I don't even remember never going to church. We've always gone to church. Billy Graham 18 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,960 was a staple in our house on a Sunday. You couldn't even whisper in the room when he 19 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:16,600 was on. And then we went to, when we moved to Mississauga, my mom informed us that we 20 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:21,080 would be going to Christian Bible Camp in the summer. And we did that for years. St. 21 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:25,800 Brides was our home church. When I was 14, I joined a youth group. They didn't have a 22 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:30,000 junior youth group. So I had to join the senior youth group because my mom insisted that I 23 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:35,200 be in youth group. And actually fun fact about that, we still meet together sometimes, our 24 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:40,600 youth group, just to check in with each other. And also Harold Percy was my youth pastor 25 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:48,240 for about a year. And then when I was 15, I got confirmed. And when I was 17, I went 26 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:53,440 to a Billy Graham crusade, Go Figure. And that's where I gave my life to Christ. And 27 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:58,760 then I guess there were some things that happened and I sort of stepped away from the church 28 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:04,800 for a little bit. And then I was brought back to it and eventually got here to Trinity, 29 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,680 took Harold's following first steps. And that was the first time I realized that I could 30 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:14,040 have my own personal relationship with Christ. And then from there, got involved in church 31 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:19,880 ministry, mostly pastoral care. And yeah, so, and my journey continues. 32 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:27,480 Yeah. Okay. That's a really good sort of overview. So when you decided that you wanted to follow 33 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:33,560 Jesus for yourself, at that Billy Graham crusade and through Harold's ministry later, what 34 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:38,440 was it that sort of made you decide that you wanted to take those decisions? 35 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,920 I think it was the following first steps. And he had another course too right after 36 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:45,840 that and I cannot remember the name of it, but both of those sort of helped me realize 37 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:52,000 that I could have my own personal relationship and what that meant. Like when I was 17 and 38 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,040 I gave my life to Christ, I think I knew on the surface what that meant. But I think when 39 00:02:56,040 --> 00:03:00,520 I took Harold's course, it really sort of sank in that this was a relationship that 40 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:05,600 I was going to have, that I could talk to Christ when I wanted to, that reading scripture, 41 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:10,240 getting deep into the word was helping me to recognize and get to know who he was more 42 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:16,160 and more. So yeah, I think that's, you know, that's, and then being involved in ministry 43 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:21,920 as well and having that opportunity to serve God through serving his people and just, you 44 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:26,640 know, that sense of being a part of something, a part of a family, you know, because I think 45 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:32,440 God chooses us to be in his family. He comes after us. He's like, he's relentless, but 46 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:37,000 when we're in it, we're in it. Yeah. Right. We're in it. So, yeah. 47 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:41,600 And that's one of the really cool things about faith and about a relationship with Christ, 48 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,640 right? It's like we get to choose it, but like you said, when we're in it, we're in 49 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:51,000 it. We are. And no matter what we do, we can walk away, we can do our own thing, but actually 50 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:56,920 that grip that God has on us does not change, right? It's pretty strong. Yeah. Pretty strong. 51 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:01,360 Yeah. That's cool. So when you think about, you know, you said there was a time where 52 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,480 you had walked away from faith and then sort of came back to it. So if you think about 53 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:10,160 the difference between those times, what has been the impact of faith in your life? Faith 54 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:16,040 has been a foundation for me. Faith, I think, and that's, I think where my parents started 55 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:21,200 it, where they recognize what, you know, following Christ was, and they want to make sure that 56 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:25,320 we had that foundation. But, you know, your parents still can't decide for you. You have 57 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:30,160 to make that decision. Right. So I think faith gives you foundation. It helps you to sort 58 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:40,800 of to create your own values around that. It gives you confidence. You have comfort. 59 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:45,000 You have some place to go. You have someone to turn to. You have like God, you have God 60 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:50,560 to turn to. It just helps you to recognize that you have a part in this world, like God 61 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:55,200 has decided what you're going to do and you're going to be a part of that. And being a part 62 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,560 of that helps you build on your faith because you go through trials and God brings you through 63 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:03,240 those trials. You're not on your own. I think that's the biggest part of it is that you're 64 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:07,200 not on your own. And I think that's when it becomes real for people when they go through 65 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:12,120 the most difficult times and they recognize that this just isn't a thing that you're doing. 66 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:17,640 This is a real, you know, spiritual connection that you have with God and that he does exist. 67 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:22,480 And when we're going through the difficult times that we don't like, that's when we recognize 68 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:27,120 too, you know, when we want to give him advice like I always want to. Yeah. Give God advice. 69 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:32,680 No, this is what I need, but here's some ideas that I have. Okay. Well, you can run around 70 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:38,200 the mountain until you get tired and let me know when you're ready. But yeah. So I think, 71 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:45,320 yeah, that's what faith is. It's just having that, that grounding and just knowing that 72 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:50,840 you always have someplace. You always have someone to go to. You have scripture that's 73 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:55,720 powerful. Those words are not just words, they're powerful words. You have devotion and there's 74 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:59,720 opportunities for you to spend time with Christ alone, which I think is really important. 75 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:04,200 I mean, this is important being at church and having fellowship, but you also have to 76 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:10,960 have that time alone with Christ. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. So you mentioned, you know, this 77 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:17,760 idea that faith carries us through some of those difficult times in your life. I'm wondering 78 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:23,600 what, what has that looked like for you? So for me, it was, I think the loss of my mom. 79 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:28,400 My mom passed away when she was 40. She had been sick when I was 15 and she would have 80 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:34,620 been 30 something then. And I had prayed and prayed my little heart out that God heal her. 81 00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:40,120 And she did, she got better. But then when I was about 18, she got really sick. And unfortunately, 82 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:44,320 I was the only one at home when she was not feeling well. And my dad was at work. So I 83 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,160 had to call the doctor, take her to the doctor's office, then take her to emerge. I've never 84 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:53,580 seen my mom in so much pain and seeing her cry was the hardest thing ever. And then from 85 00:06:53,580 --> 00:07:00,000 there she got transferred down to Toronto general hospital. And I started nursing at 86 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,880 George Brown in August. She was still there. So I would go after school and visit her. 87 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:09,160 And in October, she passed away that year. So it was really tough because then I was 88 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:14,000 really angry because I, I, in my little, you know, useful mind, I thought God had healed 89 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:18,340 her. So if you healed her, then why, why did you take her? So it was really difficult because 90 00:07:18,340 --> 00:07:23,120 my mom meant a lot to me. Like most people's mom mean a lot to them, but I was really, 91 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:28,440 really close to my mom. So I felt like, you know, I, I just felt lost without her. My 92 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:32,200 dad was there, but we weren't as close. So I was very close to my mom. So it was really 93 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:36,680 hard, you know, and I didn't understand that what was happening was that I was going through 94 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:41,280 grieving. I didn't understand that. I just knew that I just had a lot of anger. And then 95 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:45,680 I went through different stages. And so I did, I stepped away because I thought, well, 96 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,880 if you're the kind of God that's going to take my mom away from me, someone that I truly 97 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:54,600 love, then you can't possibly love me. And so I stepped away, kind of did my own thing, 98 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:59,640 struggled a lot, you know, same, that's that, that same running around the mountain until 99 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:04,440 I was ready, but God never left. He was always there. That poem footsteps in the stand and 100 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:09,320 the sand. That is exactly what happened. He carried me and carried me until I was ready 101 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:14,040 to come back. He didn't force me to come back. He didn't throw me out of his, you know, out 102 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:19,240 of his family. He just waited for me. You know, he's a God who will wait on you when 103 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,600 you're having difficulty, when you decide that you want to come back. And I think that's 104 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:27,040 the most amazing thing that for people that are just new to following Christ is that it's 105 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:31,520 never a situation where God is forcing you to do anything or threatening you that if 106 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:36,160 you don't do this, then you're going to suffer this. You know, he's a God that waits because 107 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:40,040 he loves us and he knows in the pain we're going through, he's going through it too. 108 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:46,120 Yes, he's feeling for it too. But when you're young and you're just angry and you can't 109 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:52,080 see anything but your own pain, you don't see that. You don't see it. 110 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:56,280 Yeah. And that, what you were saying there reminded me of, you know, things we've talked 111 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,880 about at different points at Trinity, but particularly during the Habakkuk series that 112 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:06,240 we did last fall, you know, that God can handle that anger, right? That it's okay to be angry 113 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:11,960 at God, to be upset, to be going through grief. That yeah, God doesn't abandon us in that, 114 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,440 right? He doesn't, no. And when you're ready to come back, he welcomes you like the prodigal 115 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:19,660 son with open arms, you know? And he's ready to just, let's just continue from where we 116 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:27,580 left off. There's no, you know, recoiling or talking about what happened and why did 117 00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:31,880 you do what you do. It's just like, he just accepts you and you just keep going. And that's 118 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:37,840 the amazing thing about being a follower is that there are no conditions. It's you love 119 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:42,960 Christ, you love God, they love you and, or he loves you and then you continue on with 120 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:43,960 your life. 121 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:49,920 Yeah. Yeah. For sure. So you said there was this moment where you sort of walked away 122 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,660 from faith, but eventually you came back. So I'm wondering, what was it that drew you 123 00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:57,720 back to church or back to Christ in some way? 124 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:03,880 This is kind of funny. Maybe not, but I started dating this guy. Okay. And I was in my early 125 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:09,640 twenties and he took me home to meet his family and his mom and I, his mom, I was just in 126 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:13,760 awe of her. She was very strong woman and she and I got very close to this day. We're 127 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:18,040 still close. She's in her nineties now. We're still close. She's like my, she's like, she 128 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:23,680 took over from my mom when my mom left. It's like God gave her to me and she, you know, 129 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:27,440 she, we got very close and she said to me one day, so she said, do you go to church? 130 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:31,480 I said, well, I used to. She goes, okay, I'll see you on Sunday. This is where my church 131 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:37,480 is and you don't say no to Selena. So she was the one that's, I, you know, reluctantly 132 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:42,960 went back, but then something happened. It's like, I remembered who I belonged to and just 133 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:49,200 this sense of feeling like your home, feeling a sense of comfort came back to me. So then 134 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:53,540 she was the reason that I went back. And I have to say that when my mom was in the hospital, 135 00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:58,360 she did a lot of praying in those rooms because my siblings and I have been extremely successful 136 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:03,240 in our careers. We've, we've done very well in our lives. So I would say she prayed for 137 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:07,480 this. She prayed for Selena. She prayed to God to take care of her kids. And Selena was 138 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:12,240 one of the people that took care of her kid. You know, she became like my mom and she watched 139 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,000 over me. So yeah, she brought me back to my faith. 140 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:21,920 Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. Have there been any other sort of people like in our sermon 141 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,200 series, we're calling them heroes of faith, you know, the people who have really stood 142 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:29,840 out to us as examples of faith who've helped to carry you through your life? 143 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:36,960 Well, in the Bible, I would say Moses because Moses never asked to be a leader. He never 144 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:43,760 asked to be a leader. He was in, you know, he was in Pharaoh's palace. And when he left 145 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:47,480 to go to the desert, I'm sure he was thinking, you know what? Good. I got away from what 146 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:52,420 I did. I feel bad, but I'm just going to, you know, take care of my sheep and I'm good. 147 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:56,800 And then God comes along and starts talking to him. And he's like, what are you talking 148 00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,960 about? Like, who do you think I am? You know, I've killed someone. What are you talking 149 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:06,160 about me going to get your people from Egypt? Like, I know that's not me. He's just so real 150 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:10,640 about it. He wasn't meant to be a leader, but God drew that out of him. God knew like 151 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:16,720 in Psalm 139, it talks about God knowing us, you know, knitting us in our mother's wombs, 152 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:20,320 knowing who we were. He knew who he was before he came and he knew what he was going to do 153 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:25,040 with them. And that's kind of, kind of parallels my life when God asked me to do something 154 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:30,680 and I'm like, I have that Moses, you know, I don't know, Lord, you sure it's me. A perfect 155 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:35,840 example of that is Stephen ministry. Judy Paulson used to be an associate minister. She's 156 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:40,440 a good friend of mine. And at the time she was bringing Stephen ministry back to Trinity. 157 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:45,520 So I had just finished with youth. Harold had encouraged me to be with youth. And so 158 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,880 she came to me and she said, you know, I had a, I'm bringing back Stephen ministry. And 159 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:52,000 I said, that's great. She goes, I had a dream and God told me that you should be one of 160 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:57,520 the leaders. Like, Judy, I don't even know what Stephen ministry is. What are you talking 161 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:02,600 about? Isn't it great when God tells other people what you're supposed to be doing? 162 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,680 What are you talking about? I don't even know what it is. She goes, don't worry about it. 163 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:09,400 We'll send you away for training. And she goes, why don't you, why don't you peripherally 164 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:13,520 think about it? And I'm like, okay. And the whole time that I was thinking, okay, Lord, 165 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:18,960 this is not me. And he's going to accept that. No, he didn't accept that. So I ended up being 166 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:23,440 involved in Stephen ministers, a Stephen leader for about 10 years doing that. But it's just 167 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:27,240 that thing where I never thought that I would never thought I was a leader. I never thought 168 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:32,120 I had leadership qualities, but God thought differently. Right? So Moses was always, it's 169 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:36,340 always been a parallel for me because God used him as his vessel when Moses allowed 170 00:13:36,340 --> 00:13:40,760 him to and had faith in him and trusted him. And so when I grew to learn how to do that, 171 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:44,640 a little more of that, then God showed me more. And God always gives us the tools that 172 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:50,720 we need, but we just assume that we're doing it alone because fear comes in place, right? 173 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:55,320 Instead of faith. And then God shows you, you know, cause Moses asked for, he's, he 174 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,200 wanted him to speak. I'm not a speaker. So he gave him Aaron. Like he just did not let 175 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:03,080 him get away with it. He never once said, okay, step down and I'll put someone else 176 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:08,160 in place. He said, no, you can do it. I'll just get this person to help you. Right? So, 177 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:14,040 and then there are some scriptures like Psalm 46 10, be still and know that I am God. That 178 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:20,320 is one of my staples because when everything's in turmoil, when we're having a hard time, 179 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:24,680 we try to, we think we have to solve those issues on our own, but God is asking us to 180 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:29,000 just, you know, you just stay still, just recognize who I am and I got you. I'm going 181 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,400 to take care of this for you. You know, and there've been many times in my life when that's 182 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:37,560 happened, when there's been a difficult time. This isn't a difficult time, but I am a registered 183 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:43,400 yoga instructor and I decided to do, to take the course because people would say, oh, you 184 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:47,960 know, it's a sin to practice yoga. And I thought, okay, I need to find out for myself what this 185 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:53,920 is about. So I'm taking my yoga course. We had a professor of philosophy teaches about 186 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:59,120 the philosophy of yoga. So one, in one of our sessions, he talked about the scripture, 187 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:03,640 Psalm 46 10, be still and know that I am God, but he was talking in terms of, you know, 188 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:09,800 drawing in nature and recognize your recognizing yourself. Right. Right. So after class, I 189 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:13,640 waited till after class. I didn't mention it during class and he knew that I was a Christian 190 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,960 and so did the rest of the class because we introduced ourselves. So I went to him and 191 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:22,960 I said, not to, you know, criticize, but can I just give you, you know, what the meaning 192 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:29,120 of Psalm 46 10 is for me? So I told them just what I explained to you and he said, oh, I 193 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:33,440 never thought of it that way. And the following week he came back and he said to the class, 194 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:37,480 he bought the fact that I bought this up about Psalm 46 10. And then he talked about his 195 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,560 own experience, how he was having a rough week. And then he just took the time to be 196 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:48,000 still and recognize that, you know, God was in charge and everything just, you know, changed 197 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:52,440 for him. And I thought, wow, that's pretty amazing, you know, because again, those words 198 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:56,960 are powerful. You know, and I talked about someone 39, you know, we tend to forget who 199 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:01,640 we are and whose we are. And we listen to other voices that question our integrity and 200 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:07,200 question our abilities and question, you know, who we are. And just going back to someone 201 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:12,160 39, it speaks clearly to who we are and who we belong to. So that is one of the scriptures 202 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:18,440 that I truly, truly love. Yeah. And as far as heroes in my life, my mom will always be 203 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:24,480 my mentor, will always be my hero because she, when I was 11, she worked in the kitchen 204 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:29,320 at York French hospital and decided that wasn't enough. And my parents had bought a bungalow 205 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:34,240 in like in Mississauga and like we were the only black family in the neighborhood. Let's 206 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:38,200 put it that way. So my dad's concern was like, how are we going to keep this up if you do 207 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:42,780 this? And my mom was relentless. She said, don't worry about it. We'll get it done. Cause 208 00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:47,280 her faith was that strong. And she would talk to us as kids all the time and she would tell 209 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:52,320 us, you know, you can do anything that you want. You know, I believe in you, I love you. 210 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,820 And you know, they're going to be barriers. You're going to have a hard time. And because 211 00:16:55,820 --> 00:16:58,960 of being a person of color, she said, you know, you're going to have to work twice as 212 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:04,200 hard, but you can do it. You'll get through it. So she showed us cause she went to school 213 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:08,480 and she graduated with honors and she became a lab technician and worked for this geology 214 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:14,700 company and our lives changed. But to be able to see that as a child is pretty amazing. 215 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:19,500 And I have her diploma. So when I think that I can't do something and I somehow come across 216 00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:23,580 them as I'm, you know, panning the room and thought, I see them, it's like, okay, I don't 217 00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:27,960 have an excuse. You know, I have to be able to do this. She was just a very strong person. 218 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,840 She was strong in her faith. That's why I say when she was in the hospital, I'm sure 219 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:35,580 she prayed for us. It had to be her because our lives could have been very different. 220 00:17:35,580 --> 00:17:39,560 When she passed away, we had a hard time grieving cause we didn't know how to, my dad didn't 221 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:44,120 know how to connect with us that way. So yeah, I think that she had us in mind. She was praying 222 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:48,560 for us all the time. She does. And then of course, Selena and then my nurse manager at 223 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:52,560 the hospital, when I worked on her unit, I didn't want to work on her unit at first. 224 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:57,400 I wanted to be, I wanted to be with the babies and she was more geriatric and I love elderly 225 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:03,040 people but you know, being a new graduate, I wanted to go where the babies were. So I 226 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,400 ended up working for her and we're still friends and she reminds me all the time, remember 227 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:11,680 when you didn't want to work for me? It's a joke between us, but she pushed me because 228 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,760 we did my performance review and she goes, okay, so this will be the last year that I 229 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:19,400 see you here for this performance review. I go, what do you mean? She goes, you need 230 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:24,760 to go. You're young and you need to experience other things. And it just so happens that 231 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:30,080 they made a major change in the staffing. And so some of us were going to have to leave, 232 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,400 but I had seniority so I was quite happy to stay where I was. And she goes, you will be 233 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:38,600 one of them. So I went from a geriatric unit to an active medical surgical unit, which 234 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:45,040 is huge. And I was like terrified, but she said, you're going. I said, what if I don't 235 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:49,920 want to go? She goes, you don't have a choice. So it was almost like God put these women 236 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:55,280 in my life to take over where my mom left off. There was an incident at school at George 237 00:18:55,280 --> 00:19:00,080 Brown where I had just finished my clinical, it was my last clinical and my teacher, I 238 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:04,280 had a B plus and I was so happy because nursing was not easy. It really wasn't. So I was so 239 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,200 happy with my B plus. And then she took me by my hand and you have to understand the 240 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:14,120 instructors we had lived in the hospitals. Previously when they were going through their 241 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:20,200 programs, they lived in residence. So they were all older white women, our instructors. 242 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:24,040 So I'm practicing that for a reason. So she took my hand. She said, Jen, you know what? 243 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:28,560 She says, you might have to look for another profession. I'm like, did she give me a B 244 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:34,000 plus or a D plus? Cause I'm confused right now. She said, no, it's just, I'm concerned 245 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,440 that you know, the way that this profession is that you may not get in. And what she was 246 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:43,440 saying to me was because of the color of my skin. So that was very upsetting for me. So 247 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:47,560 I used to go visit my mom after school and she would, she lived vicariously through me 248 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:51,320 cause later on I found out that she wanted to be a nurse and she never, you know, pursued 249 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:55,000 it. So she would be excited to hear what I did for the day. So this particular day I 250 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:59,200 went to visit her and she said, how was school? I said, it was okay. And so she said it was 251 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,360 okay. And I said, yeah, it was just, you know, a day at school. She goes, well, what did 252 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:06,760 you do? And I said, you know, not much. So she goes, what happened? Cause you know, your 253 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,680 mother knows you more than anything. I said nothing. She goes, no, I want to know what 254 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:15,400 happened. So I told her, she got mad at me and she goes, and what are you going to do? 255 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:19,000 What do you mean? What are you going to do? I said, if you're asking me if I'm going to 256 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,200 quit nursing, no, mom, I'm not going to quit nursing. I'm going to continue. She goes, 257 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,320 that's what I need to hear. She goes, cause I told you it wasn't going to be easy. And 258 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:31,080 it's like, when you think about being a Christian, God tells us when you become a Christian, 259 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,120 it's not going to be easy. You're going to have barriers. You're going to have people 260 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:38,920 tell you, you know, that you're wrong and that what you believe in is ridiculous. And 261 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,760 you're going to, you know, people are going to make you feel fearful, but I have you. 262 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:47,760 I believe in you. You're mine. So it's almost like she paralleled that, you know, and I, 263 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,480 well, I always remember everything that she says to me. There's times when I'm just sitting, 264 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:56,040 you know, or I have to make a decision and I'm praying and I hear her as well, you know, 265 00:20:56,040 --> 00:21:00,760 because she believed so much. And my dad did too. My dad was phenomenal in his belief. 266 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,460 I mean, if you go anywhere with my dad and you're sharing a hotel room, like we went 267 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:09,840 to visit my uncle to pay our respects to him. And so we shared a hotel room, my brother 268 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:14,000 and my dad and I, and my dad, whenever he prays, he gets down on his knees. He still 269 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,880 does that. And he taught us how to do that when we were little. So we had a really good 270 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:22,400 Christian base growing up. But again, you can have a Christian base, but at the end 271 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,960 of the day, you still have to make your own decisions about it. Right. But they gave us 272 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:31,880 a good base, a good foundation. And I think it's continued on. My brother and I are huge 273 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:38,400 followers still, but my sisters are kind of on the fence, but we push because we're supposed 274 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:46,200 to. But yeah. So my faith is a continuing journey. I'm still trying to learn more and 275 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:54,000 more. I'm doing a part-time master's of divinity at Wycliffe. Really, really part-time, more 276 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,840 casual than part-time. Because sometimes I just find it overwhelming because there's 277 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:03,280 so much. Sure. There's a lot to learn. Yeah, there is, but it's so valuable. And of course 278 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:08,200 I'm in a life group, a great life group. So it continues. And these are kind of the components 279 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:12,960 that you need. I think devotion is important. Getting into the Word is important. Prayer 280 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:20,080 is important. I have been practicing contemplative prayer, centering prayer. There was a rector 281 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:24,280 that came here years ago and talked about contemplative practice. And I've always been 282 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:29,080 interested in it. So I found someone who actually used to go to this church, Sue Willard. She 283 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:34,360 used to go to this church years ago and she facilitates it. So I went to her and she taught 284 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:38,800 me and I've been practicing it ever since. And it's just Christian meditation is an opportunity 285 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:44,200 to just spend quiet time with God. And it's pretty phenomenal. It's pretty effective. 286 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:48,320 So there are so many different things that you can do to just grow that relationship 287 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,600 with Christ. Because I think when you do that, that's what builds your faith. Yeah, for sure. 288 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:57,360 And allowing God to use you as a vessel, that's the most important thing. Sometimes God calls 289 00:22:57,360 --> 00:23:02,840 us to speak and we say, you want me to say what to who? I do. It happens to me all the 290 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:07,520 time. And I'm like, I don't think you want me to do it. I think there's Moses against. 291 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:12,360 I'm not your person. Yeah, there's Moses against. But then it's like having faith and trust 292 00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:16,880 in Him and knowing that He's asking you to do that and to obey. That's the most important 293 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:22,080 thing. Yeah, for sure. Well, thank you so much for sharing a little bit of your story 294 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:29,760 with us. It's so neat to sort of see how God weaves all of the pieces together. And through 295 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:38,800 all of the ups and the downs and the uncertainty, yeah, God is faithful. Yes, He is. And we 296 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:43,460 just continue to fumble along in the ways that we can, right? Yes, we do. But He picks 297 00:23:43,460 --> 00:23:48,760 us up every time. He's always there. Just like the one year old that's learning how 298 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,680 to walk and they fall down, or a three year old that falls, and mom's right there. And 299 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:56,720 they know that. So they have enough courage and faith to step out and try it again. So 300 00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:03,000 yeah. That's great. Well, thank you for tuning in for this week's episode of Trinity Talks. 301 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:08,640 I hope that you have also found some encouragement and maybe some moments of identifying a little 302 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:15,000 bit with Jen's story. And tune in next week to continue hearing more stories of faith 303 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:19,000 from our folks here at Trinity. We'll see you then.