It's a fried rice Christmas, ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.
Welcome everybody to another exciting Merry Christmas. Eight days, nights and Christmas.
We're all over the goddamn place today. And today we are talking about a very special movie.
It's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. This is night something of the eight crazy nights of Christmas.
Hope we're not offending any Jewish people out there by using the whole eight nights thing.
I've thought about that the other day and that's definitely like a Hanukkah specific thing.
We're using it just for Christmas. But really this is just well we didn't pick any other movies besides Christmas movies.
So it's not a holiday representation. But we are ending with the Hanukkah movie.
Doesn't matter with me as always is he lives three hours away, spent the night tonight.
And still it's Austin had to drive five minutes to be here. Farrell. Hi.
No, check me out on. Check me out on sadness.com. What's that about last night? Yeah.
Well, I guess we can. No, we're not going to. Other.
We can use this even though this releases several months from now. I'm still I'm still going to be feeling myself.
OK, well, when this comes out, just I want to know. OK, all right.
Moving on with us as always. It's Michael. He looks like if Santa Claus was on vacation and just kind of
Christmas in June, sort of is what your. Oh, let's have a luau.
Larsen and with this as always, it is Brennan.
All I want for Christmas is my two front Brennan's my two front Brennan's my two front Brennan's.
I think this is how that goes. Oh, no. Last night I saw Santa Claus kissing Brennan.
Shipley up to Boston. That's right. Santa loved it. Brennan got run over by rain here.
And I'm Andy Rice. This is Fried Rice podcast. Let's get fried.
All right, everybody. How the Grinch stole Christmas starring Jim Carrey.
We're doing the Jim Carrey version. And this is my kid's favorite version of the Grinch, I believe.
Is it really? They like this one and they really like the illumination got a Benedict Cumberbatch.
My granddaughter loves the illumination one and she hated it.
I love I love Tyler, the creator's rendition of the Grinch.
That's that's a great version of the song. Yeah, I didn't.
I don't like when the Grinch sings the song himself because it's a little too self-referential
for the Grinch himself to be like, you're a mean I'm a mean one, Mr.
Grinch. Like, what was that? I mean, well, I mean, he's a crazy person.
Played by a crazy person. I don't think he plays it so well.
I don't think Grinch is crazy.
Not if you consider the actions and what the Whovilles do.
If anything, the Whovilles know it's a reaction. That's my problem with this movie.
But the but the Whoville residents, I think of the crazy ones, they're the ones that literally
at every hour leading up to Christmas, an alarm goes off. They're not as bad.
They're not as bad as those people from that one episode you talk you showed us that
20 minutes of claymation in the middle of an episode where the people give each other.
They use ice as money and then it melts and then they just start over.
They just live in their own little world. They're not.
The Whovilles are a little bit better than that.
Actually, ice money makes ice money.
The fact that now you're crazy. Now you're crazy.
Jack Frost, 1979's Jack Frost.
The ice money economy is actually pretty robust for about three months out of the year.
Polar ice caps are melting, Andy. It's not.
There's gold in them there, Whovilles.
My first note is I looked at the you got to admit set design.
The world that he built is so Dr. Seuss. It's so the Grinch.
It's so everything. He nailed it.
Ron Howard, who directed this, they killed it.
It looks like a winter wonderland. The Grinch looks great.
The Whovilles. I'm going to call them the Whovilles, but that's not what they're called.
The Whovillians. The Who's. The Who's. That makes sense.
Yeah, I'll call them the Whovilles. I just let you do it.
I just let you.
The Whovillians is what I've been trying to say.
But like, yeah, so the Who's are also very cool looking.
So like my first note was even the clouds are sucified in this opening shot.
You look up and the clouds look all twisty and turvy, which is turning.
Oh, yeah, it's OK. You can keep it plugged in.
I did have for future reference, if you use the gray one, that one's not plugged in it into the computer.
But now I am cloning your phones.
Great podcasting.
Sorry. All right. So let's address the casual murder of of the way via sucking that guy up into the end of the tuba.
So we see a we see a band walking through like a parade.
And this guy has a tuba and a little who pops out of the tuba and starts playing his little thing.
The guy sees him and he gets pissed and he starts sucking on his tuba so hard that this guy gets fucking murdered and sucked into a tuba and murdered.
It's weird that they sort of have a Zootopia vibe in this place.
There's big who's and extremely tiny who's living simultaneously next to each other.
You see like the little cars. They have like weird traffic patterns that just work.
What's what are you what are you holding on to? I see your face.
Everything I'm holding on to everything.
No, no, as we go. What don't what what? It's not about specific part.
It's about the feeling of the movie. It's not about the specific part.
The reason I didn't like it has nothing to do with this little part here.
This little part. I mean, there's some specific things. Yeah.
If you want to talk to sexualizing children, that's one of them that I didn't much care for.
Explain explain that because I know that there's some adult situations that I wrote down as well.
But what child was sexualized? Not so much the children that the the mom.
Yeah, the flashback, the flashback.
That's that is what I put up. So that was a big note that I had, which was the movie's too much.
It looks just like your boss is what he says when we're getting the definition of how who's are born, I guess.
They're delivered via stock sort of, even though it's like a basket with a with an umbrella and they land on the on the thing.
So when I think that I feel like that was more of a like they got the wrong baby delivered versus a cheating joke.
I think it was a cheater delivered by Storks literally followed 30 seconds later by a bunch of who's tossing keys into a into a bowl at a key party.
Yeah. So and literally talking about his ass, I don't know, 72 times in this movie.
And there's a lot of I guess that's more fart ass humor than it is.
Some of it, except for the one I want to say, but I don't really know what to say.
How about the part where there's the mayor's wife? Yeah.
The mayor's wife shoving pudding into his mouth.
And then one guy's like, that wasn't pudding. And he eats it. He goes, well, I wasn't.
There's so much of it that's not a kid's movie.
There's so much I don't I don't remember any of this. I remember a hot mom. Yeah.
There's a lot of inappropriate. That's OK. So who looks like a nightmare hellscape was my third note.
Every fucking minute they freak out because it's getting closer to Christmas.
Like I think it was every minute, not every hour.
It was like literally the clock struck another minute, one more minute closer to Christmas.
And everyone just amps up their energy to buy more shit.
Exactly what I said about that.
To start with is even kids movies should have some semblance of logic and restraint.
This movie has no restraint. Now, you know how you know how I am.
I am a stickler for the rules that a movie sets up.
I'm OK if a movie sets up insanity.
If a movie tells me off off the bat, if it just goes like, hey, in this world, you know,
there's tiny little people that can drive around in cars and there's regular sized who's right.
Like, I get it. I don't question that for one bit.
I don't even question that the Grinch is a green furry thing as opposed to just a regular who I'm assuming.
He's some neighboring species that got mixed up in the like the because you've seen their male system.
It's fucked. And they and you see the who's bullying him a lot.
Well, I think I'm I'm curious about how recently have you guys watched Mike Myers Cat in the Hat?
Oh, God, I don't think I've ever watched that.
Five years ago. That one is much worse than this movie.
That movie is the reason that they never made another live action Dr.
Seuss movie. But let me say this. This was almost going to be my.
It had nothing to do with the racism, does it?
Not the racism is more of the sexual innuendos and like things like that.
I heard about that. I've seen clips. Super heavy on.
I also think it's one of the worst movies ever made just because of the.
Well, there was a lot of things that happened throughout it as well.
Plus, Mike Myers was kind of a dick and like he ad libbed a lot like Jim Carrey ad libbed a lot.
This one difference is Jim Carrey is a lot better at ad libbing than Mike Myers.
Well, Mike Myers is great, but he wasn't good at like dumbing it down for kids.
Yeah, we're talking for kids. Right.
His his ad libbing was more of like sexual innuendos for the adults to get, which is, you know, funny for the adults.
But at the same time, it's like you watch it, you're like, holy fuck, this has been in this movie my whole life.
Like, that's crazy. Austin Powers.
Did you like that there was a movie named Austin Powers being on Austin?
No, no. I every every day, Andy, every fucking day.
And with the last name, Farrell, I got both the ends of my name just got constantly.
Will Farrell call Farrell? Yeah, I did.
Austin Powers, Austin, Texas, Austin from Boston. No, no.
At least those are all cool things.
Yeah, it gets annoying. Yeah, I bet.
I'll sum it up in like I wrote one paragraph. I want to go just through a paragraph.
Yeah, actually read because it's it's hard to get my thoughts out about this movie because they're so like
almost angry that I showed it to my child.
The film's biggest sin is its complete disregard for Dr. Seuss.
This is not anything like the Dr. Seuss stories, books, other movies, whatever.
It's loud, overblown, throws everything in but the kitchen sink, slapstick humor, fart jokes, pop culture references,
and a bizarre subplot about the Gritch's childhood trauma.
It's like they took a perfectly good children's book, injected with a gallon of Red Bull,
took that story, force fed it steroids and crystal meth and set it loose in a tinsel factory.
It's like a fever fever dream.
Ass jokes constantly, a milk who wants to screw the Grinch, bullying, it all managed a BS spread throughout,
including shaming Cindy Lu, which by itself is the worst part of this movie.
They shamed her? They shamed the hell out of her when she first brought the film.
The whole town did. You fucking bitch.
None of that is in the story. None of that is in the other movies.
Why'd you bring this fucking white green trash?
Well, I will say this, the original How the Grinch Stole Christmas animated special, it's like 20 minutes long.
The original story, it's for children, it's very small.
Yeah, but they filled it with this crap. That's my problem.
It's no longer the story.
I guess though, what would you want them to do? Would you want saccharine sweet,
over the top Christmassy for children vibes that we would get with a Peanuts movie?
I want Jack Frost. I want the feeling I got when I watched Jack Frost.
I get it, but like there's but you have to start chasing that high, chasing that Jack Frost.
Chasing that Jack Frost. Wait till we get the jingle all the way. You'll be all right.
Yeah, that's pretty saccharine. This particular movie. Yeah, but it's Christmas.
It's not. I understand. If this was a Halloween movie, whatever.
If this was a July 4th movie, whatever. It's a Christmas movie.
And they made it into something completely that it's not.
A lot of adult themes now that you use. That the story is not.
So I would I would I would disagree that it OK.
I agree that I don't think Seuss is original intent when he wrote How the Grinch Stole Christmas was to fucking get angry at capitalism and stuff.
But I do. I kind of like that Ron Howard took the opportunity to take such a classic Christmas story.
And if you really pay attention to the first half hour, forty five minutes of this,
Christmas is a commercial, awful, spend all your fucking money, disaster of a holiday.
What do we fucking do with our time? It's it's it's just people rushing around to buy each other shit that we don't need.
It all ends up in the dump. Like it's fucking bullshit.
But then I like that he the second half is is him being like, well, you really Christmas if you if the spirit of it is just to be with family.
Right. Like that is what you don't need.
This is why it didn't get an F or a W from me because it picks it up in the last part.
It does. It says despite this overload of the hand fisted attempts, I didn't completely.
There's moments to like there's moments to like Kerry's performance is amazing.
There's no doubt. You can't say anything about Jim Carrey.
I think they gave him and I'm going to say the same.
This might be a hot take, but they gave him a little bit too much free rein, just like they gave Robin Williams too much free rein as the genie.
In the first Aladdin, because here's the thing.
Aladdin, unless the genie is a time to somebody do some silencing on their stuff.
I won't point out who, but maybe the one thing.
Yeah, Mike. And someone's going to do a super cut of me just nitpicking all of you being like, oh, it's bound to happen.
And then we'll go back to the one two weeks ago where his phone did. It's going to be like Turkey Tom or Patrick C.C.
They're just going to cut. Andy Rice is a narcissistic control freak.
We'll do the other the other cut of the dryer. Yeah.
Alarm. It's just going to be 20 minutes of. Oh, I wish it had gone off right there.
If you if you had timed it perfectly.
You may know all know Andy as the fun loving stoner that loves to talk about movies.
But there's a darker side and it does like a lightning flash and it's like makes a picture of your face go negative and normal, negative and normal.
If anyone out there is thinking I'm a fun loving stoner, they're not listening to this.
I'm the most tightly wound narcissistic God complex. I hate myself.
There's so much going. Don't like there's nothing fun loving over here.
I stayed the night. He said, stay in that room and don't come out.
I said, I was like, hey, Austin, you basically kidnapped me.
I'm going to need you to stay in that room and not come out until the podcast starts around 12.
And I got I listened, I got up in the morning.
I like wrapped everything up and then I just kind of stood in different parts of the room until 1130.
Hanging Randy in the closet. Great. I tell stuff like that.
And she goes, she goes, can you imagine Andy without? Yeah. Oh, my God.
Yeah, there's a reason I spoke so much of it. If I had to just sit alone with my thoughts that aren't dumbed down like,
like if I have to sit here and my thoughts have free on medicated rain over my brain, it gets too much.
I start to fuck. I get self-destructive.
If you took if you made all the weed in the world disappeared, all the seeds, all the plants, everything,
Andy would just start smoking things in his spice cabinet. Yeah. Yeah.
I would. Today's review, we're going to review smoking cumin.
The weed went away. Cummins kind of funny. Is it coming?
Just a tangent about common would be human coming.
I mean, children's Christmas show. I like I like Whitney Cummings.
There it is. So close.
So, OK, you were so you're I get it has a nice a nice ending to it.
So, yeah, it's a it's a straight up like fuck Christmas for the first 45 minutes.
It's like if you like Christmas, don't watch the how the Grinch stole Christmas
because it's really how Ron Howard stole Christmas from me a little bit right now.
As a kid, you don't see it as an adult.
Those shops when they're just shoving money into the cash register
without any change, without any regard for what they're buying.
The guy's like, no, you're it's like you're change, man.
People don't care. They're just like, this is what I'm supposed to do at Christmas.
Walk into department store where there's a something that something needs.
Someone needs slap. Just toss money down and give it to them.
And it's all going to get thrown away.
It'll be tape, the title of my review, how the how the Grinch stole Christmas and my will to live.
Wow. That's this is a weird fact. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Maybe it was one of those like fake bot posts on Facebook.
But I think the the girl from this when the Grinch was a kid, whoever that chick is,
she grows up to be the hot mom.
The actress that plays that girl is now like the singer of a metal band.
Yeah, it's like Cindy Lou Who isn't it?
Cindy Lou Who Taylor Mom and Mormont or whatever.
She was on Gossip Girl and then went to and then now she's in a band.
Pretty Reckless. Yeah, Pretty Reckless is the band.
Fairly popular. Any good? Yeah, they're good.
I haven't heard of her. She looks pretty.
She is. She's true that your phones listen to you because we've been talking about the Grinch
and now I'm getting all these weird posts about the Grinch.
Like, did you know she's on a metal band?
That just popped up organically this morning or last night or this morning.
I remember definitely Facebook.
I woke up and had to stay in the room I was in.
So I just watched the Buffy movie that we reviewed all those months ago.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know what you.
But we'll get to that. Don't worry. It's creeping up, Andy.
Oh, about Buffy? Yeah.
Well, we already reviewed it months ago.
You fucks. It's already out.
So I can't believe Mike gave it a W.
W minus. It's crazy.
It's weird how I negated it. Andy almost shot it.
One of the who's.
Right after you said you're a stickler for the rules.
Not on my own show, though.
So the Grinch comes down and he does his like sneaky shit in the beginning
and he burps in a guy's face with so much toxic like toxicity that the guy
falls to the ground and then immediately somebody on a bicycle runs over him.
Casually doesn't give a fuck that they just ran over another hoop.
That's how driven they are for Christmas.
A guy gets sucked into a tuba. They don't care.
They just need to buy stuff.
I think it's just more to show the stupidity.
Like, I think it's because they just blatantly, you know, shun the
the Grinch because he's different.
Is it that mentality like Simpsons, like all the adults are stupid, all the kids are smart?
Kind of. I think it's supposed to be like that.
Well, I think it's just like, yeah, they're all just blinded by their
their false sense of Christmas joy.
You know, what do you guys think the who's do throughout the year?
You're ready for Christmas. Yeah.
Well, actually, we there is a how the there's the Grinch Halloween,
which is another 20, 30 minute animated thing where it's Grinch and Halloween,
which I've watched once and I vaguely remember.
But there's shit going on at who like Whoville.
That's not Christmas.
Like every holiday is just a big spectacle.
Oh, yeah. Like every holiday.
So like Arbor Day, they lose their fucking minds and like tax day.
Boxing day, whatever the fuck that is. Labor Day.
They beat the shit out of people on Boxing Day.
They don't understand it. What is Boxing Day?
It's where you its presence, I think more presence where you return the presence
or you don't want this whole time.
I thought it was like it's around Christmas, right? Boxing Day.
It's the day after.
So I figured it was all the turn, all the presents and boxes.
I thought it's like a big recycling box.
I shit back up.
I think you throw away the boxes.
I mean, I've got three people that aren't the main host.
Someone could probably look it up.
But I don't like Cindy Lou who's song.
I think it's like Christmas, whatever she's singing.
I forgot what it was. Oh, stuck in your head.
What is it, though?
It's the Mariah.
There's a Mariah Carey version, isn't there?
Or whoever sings the real one at the end.
I don't remember.
Well, what's the song? How's it go?
What's the lyrics?
Well, it's like it's just a it's like a made up song.
It's like the Chris. Yeah, you had it going.
Oh, oh, Boxing Day used to be a day where you give presents to
the less fortunate.
And now it's just become a day for people to shop for deals.
It's just like, fuck them kids.
Let's go get some good deals on shit.
It is like black.
It's a new Black Friday.
I think that's why it was Boxing Day, though.
If I remember the lore from like when they taught us over
with children, you boxed up the things you had extra after
Christmas and gave away the shit you didn't want to the
last portion. Yeah, it was kind of like that.
Now it's just Cyber Monday.
It's a canned food drive.
Yeah, it's Goodwill.
Well, Goodwill charges, though.
Here's a bunch of fucking green beans in a can and all the shit
we don't want.
You know what?
When I go to canned food drives, I typically try to bring good
stuff.
Oh, yeah, obviously.
I try to.
I almost always go by.
Because I think John Oliver might have done on last week's
and I might have done a segment where he talked about food drives and how
I think if you bring the shit that no one likes, it just goes to
waste.
And it's like a work for those people that doesn't need to be
there.
Like it's worse for you to do that than to not give anything.
You're better off not giving anything than to go and give them shit
they don't need.
Yeah.
So I agree.
So when we see the Grinch enjoying being alone at his giant dump
palace, I vibe with him for a little bit.
I was like, I love this.
He's just him and his dog.
Cool.
Like he's got a well-trained dog.
Super smart.
Basically sentient enough to be a friend.
And I know how I feel about sentient animals.
Max is the only one I think that slips under that slips under.
I'm going to kill them for being too sentient.
You know what I mean?
What?
Because he doesn't talk.
He doesn't talk.
The only traits you've seen from him is the willingness to do evil,
but with the limit.
Yeah.
Which I like.
I'm OK with anyone having a limit.
If you're willing to do evil, fine, do evil.
But there has to be that you can't pass that limit.
You can't go into like murder, murder is what I'm saying.
Even if your boss tells you to, if you're the henchman.
And I know.
You're thinking Max is a henchman.
Yeah.
Max is not a henchman.
Max is a life partner.
Like I'm not saying gay or.
Say what are you doing with your dogs?
No, I'm saying like it's your best friend.
Like you're like your Jay and Son of Bob, like your life partner.
I think when you have a dog, you just consider it to be like your homie.
It's just part of you sort of, right?
And I think that's the same with Max.
So it's not like it's his henchman or his slave or his works for him.
I know he makes him work for him.
His companion.
He's a selfish guy.
Yeah.
Grinch is a bad guy.
But Max is so loving that he's willing to do the work for his best friend.
You know what I mean?
He's also a dog.
He doesn't know anybody.
So he's a fucking stupid dog, but he he's super cute.
I love it.
So he's the only one I won't kill for being sentient.
I hated that.
It looks like your boss.
I hate that line.
When the when the store comes down, I know you're saying, oh, it looks like they mixed up the babies.
No, I think she cheated on him and I don't like it.
She cheated on him.
Add a fucking key party, which is swingers.
Just pick up a key.
You go home with that person and then you fuck.
That's what the Hoos are doing.
That's what they're doing when it's not Christmas.
It's movie materials, right?
Yeah.
I just assumed it was because they were drinking and nobody's driving home like everybody's staying here.
They're doing their their business there.
That's not what a key.
You don't need to.
I don't.
That's not a key part.
I don't think a key party is you show up and everyone's planning to get so fucking shit face that you put your keys in the car.
That you put your keys in a bowl to make sure because think about that at the end of the night.
Have you been to a party, Andy?
You know a lot about it.
Well, I know someone who has been to one and that is what it is.
You throw you what they do is they take the keys out and that's who you go home.
That's what I'm saying.
That's great.
Pick up a key and that's who you're fucking tonight.
What can Hoville do?
Oh, yeah.
They just be I mean, that explains the creation of the grant.
He's just a little bastard child from who?
From what?
Nobody knows.
Some great does it explains all of who will kind of well, we haven't gotten a Grinch origin.
I mean, we have how he got here.
They all do kind of have downsy face.
Yeah, they're kind of all like kind of messed up.
Well, I mean, there's a guy that's like going on.
They look like they look like Seuss people.
All Seuss people kind of look like who's a little bit maybe maybe who?
Well, I feel is just like a Dr. Seuss is George Orwell, 1984.
This is Dr. Monroe's.
What's that?
The island of Dr. Monroe where they're making freak monsters is just this little secluded Christmas village in Antarctica.
Actually, if this existed in our world, hear me out.
Just think of like there's a small, secluded place in the arco where they've just been breeding selectively these people
and telling them that just Christmas is their number one function as a society.
And like all it is is just who will inbreeding where we get that nose or whatever.
They introduce a chaotic element, you know, the Grinch.
Right.
But the way the reason I only think the only reason I think this is even possible is like their mailman is wearing an oddly US Postal Service outfit.
Their cars look like very much cars that were built by human beings.
They have TVs.
They have like everything they have is just a different version of what we have.
You're forgetting one tiny detail.
Yeah, probably a lot.
It's on the head of a pen.
What is that?
Whoville.
Yeah, they're tiny.
They're really small.
They live in a snowflake.
Microscopic.
Who?
Who's?
All of Whoville is in a snowflake.
Maybe this adds to your simulation theory, Andy.
The entire thing is in a snow.
We're all just living in a snowflake.
I mean, I like that.
But wait, hold on.
That snowflake in the beginning wasn't just a no, don't they zoom in on it.
It tells the story.
It actually literally is the opening of the movie every time, every every iteration of how the Grinch stole Christmas.
You got to stop watching things.
I didn't watch it.
I was out loud.
That whole thing just went by like, OK, yeah.
I watched the Grinch and multiple versions of it a lot over the years.
Where do you think Whoville is?
Antarctica, near where the thing is.
Just the thing is a research station watching this tiny little.
Many of Dr. Seuss's like creations and his creatures are microscopic creatures.
Living.
So where's Cat in the Hat take place?
San Bernardino.
Where else?
Well, but that's the thing.
That one does feel like normal reality.
It's like it's a cat going into our world.
This would literally tells you at the very beginning.
Yeah, that's kind of like a like a whole world that's like Sean's house from SLC Punk.
Yeah, his mom with the crazy clothes.
There's the kids are on acid the whole time.
Well, this changes things.
Would you take it in a drop?
One tab, two, two, three, four.
Oh, no, look out.
There is a cop.
Maybe Andy was on acid when he watched this.
I don't know.
Shit.
Yes, the whole thing takes place in a microscopic world.
You'll stop smoking that shit.
All right.
Well, I didn't know.
I guess I that change your opinion of the movie at all.
I mean, a little bit, because once that snow flow, once that snowflake melts,
when it hits the ground is what your world gets destroyed.
I know if they are, does it?
Does microscopic this?
Because if we're going microscopic, do they exist on a molecule of of H2O that's frozen?
Yeah, they're whole entire.
It turns into Waterworld.
Yeah. So it's like if it melts.
So the Grinch becomes Kevin Costner because he's an evolved.
It's just the next movie just opens with him pissing into a fucking machine that turns it into a great world.
His his water world, it wouldn't turn it into drinkable water.
It would turn it into something worse.
Spray.
He pissed into a bucket of worse stuff and then drink it, you know, like.
Oh, that'd be fun.
Water won't Grinch.
So I can't wait till I gets to like make a movie for you.
So you're like, it's OK.
So like Waterworld, but it's the cringe.
Yeah, we're so close.
We're so we're getting so close to that.
I've seen a lot more now online of like like here's Final Fantasy eight or here's a that 70 show that takes place in 2000s.
And let's just all it is is the A.I. just giving you these fucking weird looking like things, but they're getting better and better and better every time.
And that and you did say so if the Hoos exist on a microscopic level on top of a snowflake,
like literally we could exist on a microscopic level on top of like whatever.
Right.
You know, so like basically do it's like men in black ones.
They at the end, the aliens are playing marbles with the galaxies.
I mean, there's there's heavenly bodies bigger than our entire galaxy.
Carl Sagan.
That's basically what Carl Sagan said when he when they did the zoom out from the Earth and you go from the Earth and up past the sun and past everything.
We are Michael Carl Sagan, fucking rules.
I went to the Kennedy Space Center a long time ago and they just had Carl Sagan quotes everywhere.
And I was like, fuck, yeah, it's all a piece of the challenger.
What are we doing? What are we doing here?
And then so he says at some point he's making a list.
He was three p.m. solve world hunger.
Don't tell anyone about that.
So I was like, OK, so that's super selfless of him to try to solve world hunger.
And the fact that one thing you know about the Grinch, the one thing you know about him is he is a Grinch of his word.
He will do what he sets out to do.
He says, I want to terrorize the Hoos.
He terrorizes him. He gets away with it.
He says, I want to steal Christmas.
He literally manufactures a fucking super sled or like a super sleigh.
He does everything. He steals Christmas.
But you still have to remember what he said.
Solve world hunger and don't tell anyone.
Of course not. He has a reputation to maintain.
He's the Grinch. You can't have like, you know, like.
But the world is also a snowflake.
Just the Hoos.
And it didn't look like anyone was.
That's where the world ends to them, I guess.
Also, they have no God.
Yeah. Yeah. Wait. So there's world hunger?
Who rape?
Yeah. There's like no.
But that's the thing, like the Grinch is trying to solve.
Humicide?
It is suicide.
Steve committed suicide last night in this apartment.
I don't think we could ever review a kids movie and keep it kids friendly.
No, I don't think so.
You look at our RSS every episode, it's explicit.
Just right now, I'm just. Yeah.
Jack Frost explicit.
We've so blown Andy's mind at this point.
He's we've totally taken his childhood away.
And what is the cutest little just family like G rated movie?
It was Jack Frost.
We fucked it up.
It was Jack Frost and we ruined it.
Man, I'm not.
Now I can't stop thinking about Steve like with a belt around his neck in the closet.
No, it's tinsel.
Committing suicide.
He's using tinsel.
He's got a candy cane up his ass.
He's just fucking choked to death.
They call it a suicide.
Can you make Grok do that?
His son walks in, sees it, and now we get that movie, the world's oh, no, that was.
You should make that the background for this episode.
Just a who?
Who Hagen.
Pulling a Carradine in the back.
Jeez Louise.
Who vid Carradine.
Oh, my God.
Let's talk about that casual murder of the yodeling guy.
Just a yodeling guy on the side of the mountain.
Andy, I got that whole last thing that when you were saying, what do we talk about on the podcast that I could use as a joke?
That was it.
Just the exist existential crisis, existential crisis of who?
Who's me losing my fucking mind that tonight at my show, I'm going to talk about the who those little I found out that they're microscopic.
Yeah, like this guy's crazy.
He's talking about who's in fucking October.
Oh, don't.
That last part about the who hanging himself with tinsel off of the candy cane in his ass.
Steve committed suicide last night in his apartment.
Thing one committed suicide.
I wonder if they have like a history books with like a hootler, Adolf Hootler.
Okay, I can't forget that.
You're welcome.
If I don't say Adolf Hootler tonight, I haven't done my job.
Most of the who's they have a little bit of their DNA that's attributed to who?
Going around murdering.
God.
Oh, all right.
We're good.
Steve Adolf Hootler.
He committed suicide last night.
That was great.
But he does kill yodeling guy and he takes his clothing.
We never see that guy again.
So the Grinch did commit murder, but it's okay if he solves world hunger.
I'm okay.
He committed and doesn't tell anyone.
Yes.
If which leads an interesting point.
If someone came out to the world and said like, hey, this is the solution to like this cures cancer.
I have it right here.
And it's like, no, it's not.
Exactly.
He's not near anyone.
So this is like a prerecorded thing that he that he sends out to news channels.
So he's not live.
You can't find him.
No one knows where he is or who he is.
He's wearing a mask and shit.
Right.
Where the info is, whatever server that's on, whatever it is, they're going to nuke it.
It doesn't matter.
They don't want to cure cancer.
Yeah.
I don't treat it.
OK.
You guys, I mean, yeah, I love that you're taking apart my hypothetical.
That's a very Andy move.
But let me fucking finish.
If someone came out and said, I have the cure to cancer or whatever vital information, would you be OK if they said my only thing that I want to do is go on one rampage?
I want one automatic rifle.
I'm going to go to one public place.
The guy who played the guy who played Krampus rampage.
So yes, sort of like that.
Yeah.
And I want to go and I want to shoot up a bunch of people until I run out of ammunition and I don't want to get in any trouble.
And I will give you the cure to cancer.
Would you as a society be OK with those terms?
So the movie Postal?
I mean, I guess.
But mine is mine as moral implications.
That's just a crazy guy.
We mass shootings happen.
Yeah, but I'm talking about a sanction.
Yeah, go ahead.
Words carefully, because now the government's listening.
I'm just I'm just talking about like a sanctioned bad thing for him to do, like maybe choose where they go.
What can you choose where they go?
No, I would say like he he's basically asking for let's not even say machine just he's like I want one atrocity and I will cure cancer.
It's like you give me and he can choose the atrocity at will.
Like he can do whatever it is that like and it's going to be bad.
Like it's going to be.
And I say mass shooting because it's about as bad as I can think I'd say a nuke dropped on New York to solve overpopulation.
Well, that's just kind of kind of now the government's listening to you actively coming like I can get a fucking nuke.
I hope they are because you just said like I can get a fucking nuke.
And that sounds like you can get one if if I could get one.
We're fucked.
It's probably easier than you think. It's honestly you probably just got to work your way up, make friends with the you find the worst people in your town that sell the hard drugs.
You make friends with them and then you find out who supplies their drugs and eventually you're connected to terrorists because the terrorists run the drug cartels from Mexico upwards and also from Middle Eastern countries.
You find those guys and then you if you're charismatic enough and you're not like a spy for the government or I'm sure you can then go find people with dirty nukes smuggling into the country actually knowing what you're doing and setting it off and stuff.
That's a whole separate thing. Well, Carlos and see I had a really good bit about that is like all the people coming over the border like as soon as terrorists come over the border and blow something up there put their little establishment military.
And then you know, nobody's getting across. So anyone crossing the borders and be like officer. They're not speaking Spanish.
Oh, like, wait, what do you mean? What's the last part? They're going to tell on them if they see terrorists crossing the border.
Tune in next week. I'm going to do Heidi and I'll switch together.
Heidi Heidi.
I don't get what you're going with. What a obscure fucking movie and I think that have to do with Nazis at some point.
That was the whole reason they tied together. Wait, wait, wait, who? You're tying this into the grave.
You tied two things that had to do with each other together. You should have picked like Mary Poppins or something like the Berenstein Bears and the Rwanda, Rwanda massacre or something genocide.
I'm going straight to who switch.
Anyway, that's how I would think you could find yourself a new if you needed to. It's a lot of work. I don't think it's worth it.
I mean, the answer is no to your question that started this. I feel like once I got to if I if I did all of that, this weird infiltrator Brian Cranston movie you're talking about.
I feel like as soon as I got to the new guy, be like, no, I don't need it. I got this far. That was a pretty cool story. Yeah.
You go back home, tell read a book about it. Yeah. It's like it's almost like a did it. Yeah.
Burt Kreischer, the machine, he basically kind of had a brush with terrorists.
I don't know if this was legitimate honor, but there's this guy that I used to be working at pizza when I was a teenager.
This guy used to walk in all the time and he had vibes of like mafia. I never questioned it, never thought of it, but he had the New York accent or whatever.
And then one day he's like, hey, you're a good kid. I want you to work for me.
And I was like, well, what do you do? Because I didn't I mean, I was just like, what business do you have?
The restaurant is it was it was construction waste management.
Yeah, he said construction and I think not so subtly. He basically told me it was mafia related or mob related.
And I was doing that. I would take care of things.
I said, I think about it and I went home and I talked to my dad and I was like, so dad, you think I should join the mob?
Is that how that sort of get? But the thing is, is that my dad and I, we had a frank conversation because I was like, listen, we're just our family's middle of the road here.
Why not get connected? Like, I don't know if I'd have to do any violent stuff.
Never be a made man. I'd be a made man. And I'm charismatic enough. I think I could make friends.
I think I work myself up. And we sat and we talked about it for a while.
And I think eventually we settled on like, no, because from everything we've seen on movies, it looks like, you know, with a bullet in the head.
Right. So we settled on no, we settled on just movies have told us it's not wise.
I see you showing up in like a sports coat and a fedora. All right, boss.
What the fuck you wearing? It's construction. You dickhead.
It's a real construction job. You're going to be fucking installing toilets.
Fucking racist, dude. And he committed suicide last night with tinsel.
He came up his ass because he felt embarrassed.
He's got himself with some sausage links from the deli. Yeah, this is not pudding from Albert Einstein.
That's funny when he shows what I'm assuming is come.
It's a grits. It's just the Grinch has a great speech after getting after.
Wait, after what? Bong. After handed the guy came.
Anyway, the car blowing up was very funny. The little car when it crashes and then has a huge, the biggest explosion blows up Whoville.
Yeah. And then like you like you just jumps away from it. That was fucking hilarious.
I was laughing my ass off. Jim Carrey is fantastic. I wrote that down.
If his heart was two sizes too small and grew three sizes that day, his heart is now one size too big.
Which is bad. That's heart disease. Very bad.
Well, I mean, look at him. Obviously, he's defective. He has a large heart.
And I'd be like, yeah, I believe it. He's got a large heart. He's going to need surgery.
We need you to go down. We need you to surgery.
I'm so sorry. We're going to need you to walk in there and shoot this cat in the head.
We need to go down one size. We need to get this guy to the hospital.
The emergency room. You think their favorite show I've been it's Doctor Who.
Doctor Who. Oh, God. Oh, we've got too far.
How bad do you suppose that outfit smelled? Oh, the Grinch like Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey.
Yeah, I'm 92 days. Every and he was wearing it all day, wasn't he?
Wasn't he wearing it all day during filming? All day, 92 days.
He took it off. No, because it's every day for morning to night, 92 days.
Go ahead. Night. He didn't wear it for 92 consecutive days.
No, but they didn't put new yak hair. They didn't use new yak hair every day either.
They put it back on. Yeah. It's yak hair. It's got to stink.
Everybody's last name is who, right? Cindy Lou Who.
Everybody's a who, though. No, no, but Lou Who.
Because they have certain names. Yeah, so like for instance, there's the...
Andy Rehue. Fucking Johnny Yoo Who. Andy Reishu.
Andy Reishu, yeah. Or would it be Shipley Who? No, I like your...
I like like Rehue or Ship Who. Ship Who?
It'd be Ship Who. Ship Who. Ship Who. It'd be Ship Who.
Shippu of the Boston. Shippu.
Lar poo. Lar... no, I'm just saying poo.
You are just saying poo. You are just saying poo.
Because I said ship poo. Rye poo. I'm like, it's lar poo. It's bear poo.
I smell a sequel to all the poos down in Poohville.
Poohville. Just a microscopic community on a piece of shit
floating down a sewer. This is going to be the terrifying Christmas animated movies.
Fucking Steve committed poo aside last night.
Has no one, honestly, has no one made a Poohville parody?
All the poos down in Poohville. That's so great.
Cindy Lou Pooh.
So, thanks for the help, Lou,
says the Grinch. And Lou
is Cindy Lou Who's father. So he's Lou Lou Who. Or he's Lou Who.
And if you're a woman in this society, you take on
your father's first and last name as your last name
until you get married. Okay. A little town on a speck of
fecal matter located on a clover where creatures such as poos are always pooping.
Discovered by the great elephant Wharton.
No, it's a real Zeus thing? I don't know. It's somebody wrong.
Oh, God. Because I was like, Wharton found this? I love the internet. He's selling a mug that says
Poohville. I saw a thing
you know like Google, when you Google something, there's like a Google AI that kind of like helps
you answer a vague question. And somebody asked if Slenderman
has a brother. And so the Google AI went searching if he has
a brother and it found a Reddit post and it answered with, it just
a Reddit post like a fan fiction of Slenderman and it found
yes, Slenderman has a gay brother and his name is I Like Menderman.
Well, my favorite part about that
is I don't think you could say Slenderman without sounding like a
Jewish grandfather. Because every time you say, he's a real Slenderman.
Slenderman, eh, but. He's a Slenderman, eh?
But what my point was is that when he,
well first off, my new point was, I think this is a Handmaid's Tale society.
You missed it because you were looking up. But his name is
Lou Who. Cindy Lou Who.
Which means that if you're a female who, you take your father's last
name and first name as your surname until you get married.
And then you become Mary Lou Who or whatever.
Which is her husband's name and his last name or the surname of who.
So, I'm just saying. That's why they do the key parties, figure out who's who's who.
Who's who?
But another point is the Grinch. I think we don't see
this much, but we do see him spying on the town, but he spies on them a lot
more than we know. Because at the end, at the very end, when
everyone's sort of turning against the Grinch and then Cindy's
father stands up for her and says like, stop or whatever.
The Grinch pulls up, he's like, thanks for the help, Lou. Says his name.
Doesn't say who or anything. They went to school together when they were
kids.
They didn't really touch on the dad being there, but they all knew each other because they were in school together.
There's three ages of who's. And I think it's on purpose. I think it's like
cicadas. I think, honestly, I think every
thirty-something years, you get a new batch
of who's. Because you have the old ladies, and they were
like, that's one gen. But then almost every other person went
to school with the Grinch. They're all that age.
And then, they're all the same parent age, because they all literally went to school
together age. And then you have children, and they're all the same shit.
Yeah, no babies at all. No babies. So, but then
the tiny people throw things off. I think that
maybe the tiny people. Are the babies. Oh, geez. They're driving
cars and stuff. No, I think the tiny people are the only ones that have a, you know,
what are we? Fuck it. This doesn't make any sense. I gave this movie a C-.
It was a. That's generous. When I was younger, I would have
given it a higher score, because I really liked Jim Carrey's performance. Does it go up or down
based on the knowing it's microscopic? Actually,
it stays the same. If I was going to lower it, the more shit we were talking
about it. But then, so if anything, it raised it. Because I think
the idea that they're microscopic is pretty fun. Horton
hears a who makes a lot more sense now. So his big ears
can pick up microscopic who's. Yeah. But the idea
that they live on a snowflake. Even the image from Horton hears
a who, they're showing them sitting on his ear. Yeah, and they live in like the
pollen of the little dandelion or whatever the little flower is.
In what? In the Horton hears a who. So the snowflake landed on the flower. We have a
canonical entire history of their world. Well, some of them we don't know. Some of them, yeah.
So some who's live on the, it's not the same who's. I think there's homeless who,
who, whomless. And they do like, they smoke whooshish and
whoop. Jib, jibsy who's. We don't know where the other who's are.
They drink alcohol. Because I have to keep this pod moving and I'm so glad there's
someone thinking of who puns over to my left ear.
Because that's all I want right now. Just thinking of terrible adult things, but then just making
it cute who's stuff.
We got a real who, oh god, it's hard to say heroin as a who.
Who are in? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It doesn't work. Yeah, there's just who, who must do who are in on
the streets. Yeah. Smoking just, just fentanyl. There's no pun
for fentanyl. They're just who's doing fentanyl. We don't joke about
fentanyl. Yeah, they have illegal migrants in who will.
From Mexico.
They somehow, hey, we shrink ourselves.
We got fentanyl. Yeah, they go to the Honey I Shrunk the Kids movie.
Actually, the Honey I Shrunk the Kids would still be
giants to these people. Like, we wouldn't be perceptive
to them. Like, they would. You can't. That's part of the
thing. Part of the lore. So here's something crazy. Animals, the smaller
you get and the smaller creatures get, the shorter their
lifespans and the more they live in those, in that time, right?
So it's like Whoville's being microscopic. I would imagine
their entire existence is from the Snowflake
Fallen. Yeah. I wonder if they do have gods like
the Prophet Who-Mamid.
You can't show pictures of Who-Mamid. The Prophet Who-Mamid.
The Prophet Who-Mamid. But I do like
that. I would say that, yeah, Snowflake is born with some who's on it.
They create, they learn tools.
There's time to sort it out. Who's.
Who's. You can't just say who for everything.
There's maybe some that don't believe in the, living in the
societal thing. They live in the woods and they're who-tists.
So is there, they didn't have
wheezes? Wheezes? Instead of Jesus.
Who's-ist. Oh yeah. Jesus. No, they don't believe in Jesus at all.
He wasn't a prophet. They believe in who's. We're all about Who-Mamid.
Who's. And
and um, Hera.
Who's. Who's and Hera.
Hera hears a who's. You think they're owls say what instead of
who? Oh, there we go. All you need to know about the
quality of this movie is how far off track we've gotten on this movie.
It tells you all you need to know about how good this movie actually is.
We just wanted to say terrible things with who. But actually, I enjoy this movie.
So what'd you give it? We watch it every year. My kids watch it every year. Like, my five-year-old
woke up when I was watching it and I brought him out on the couch and he's like, start it over. And I was
like ten minutes in, so I was like, alright, whatever. I started it over. I passed out.
You're like, no. So you passed out before or after the murder? Learn to stop when the movie's on time.
After. After the murder. Yeah, learn to start coming at the time.
Okay, little boy, you've seen enough murder now. You keep watching. I'm going to sleep.
When I woke up, when I woke up, he was watching it again this morning.
So, yeah, like now he's probably watching it all day today. So thanks, Andy.
Hey, it could be frozen.
I hope he doesn't live up to be like the Grinch because basically
he's committing a whom invasion.
Yeah, but he was also curing world hunger.
So I was about to say Hooger, but I did.
I stopped myself. I'm in the fucking zone, dude.
But I gotta say, set design, costumes, all that stuff
is fantastic. They filmed a lot of that in Universal, right?
Yeah, Universal, but then also Pomona, downtown Pomona.
They turned that downtown district. The largest set ever constructed for a film at the time.
Yeah, but I'm not saying they filmed most of it in Universal. I'm just saying there was one or two
segments of Whoville, like when they did that,
some of those parts that they built in, that they used downtown Pomona
for shots because it has a really nice downtown area.
Now, we were talking about, well, here,
you guys, give me your ratings.
D minus.
I'll give it a C minus. Three Whos.
Mine's all just based on Carrie. Carrie was great. Carrie carried it.
He carried it, for sure. But I give it a C plus.
C plus, C minus, C minus, D plus.
Actually, I want to see the newer one, the anime elimination one.
It's great. It's pretty funny.
It's because it's animated, they can show a lot more
murder, like a lot more murder.
But since we're on the subject of Dr. Seuss, we might not
cover this again on the podcast.
So that being said, my biggest recommendation is
absolutely go on Netflix if you are at all
a fan of Dr. Seuss and watch Green Eggs and Ham.
It is one of the greatest
Seuss interpretations ever. And I say that
meaning that it doesn't follow the book at all.
The book is, of course, you have
Sam I Am who's trying to get this guy
to eat Green Eggs and Ham. I will not eat them, Sam I Am. I will not eat
Green Eggs and Ham, right? I think going on adventures.
It's like I will not eat them on a boat. I will not eat them with the go. Not the book. I know the book.
I read it to my kid.
Since he's canceled and he's dead,
Dr. Seuss.
He is canceled and dead. What are you going to say?
I was going to say, why don't you make like Fried Wright Stoner versions of Dr. Seuss books. Would you smoke it in a bong?
I'm sure they've done that. But yeah, I'm sure we'd get Seuss.
Because the Seuss family is very litigious.
But the Green Eggs and Ham
it's so good.
You have the man who, I forget his name, but
Sam I Am is played by Andy Adam Devine.
From Rookaholics, that one? Yes. Nice. And so he loves Green Eggs
and Ham and he really wants this guy to try it. But that's not the focal point of the show.
They are trying to smuggle this exotic
like Seuss style animal places, whatever the government is kind of trying to get them.
It is. So it's a road trip buddy comedy.
Like it's a whole season. So it's like a season show. There's like 10 episodes.
They're all 20 something minutes. It's from the beginning to end.
And I think it's Michael Douglas plays the guy and it's
Adam Devine is the other guy. What is this rated? Yeah, I think it's like
PG. It's for kids. It's for kids. Well, no, it's for kids
enough. But it's not G. I think it might be PG. There might
be some. I'm such a huge Rookaholics fan and it's just like
them putting him in that. I think to the first time I watched Rookaholics, the first episode
and they trade kids for their piss
for clean piss for their drug test and they're like trying to give it to it.
They do a ziplock bag through the fence and they see a cop coming and the bag
rips open. Yeah. Like yeah, put him in Green Eggs. That was
like a kookamonga near where I lived, that house. You could drive by it.
Yeah, I know a lot of people do. Yeah, which I'm sure the family that lives there now loves.
I think they still own the house. Do they? Yeah,
but I think that obviously they don't live there. They fucking live in mansions now. But I think
they own that house and I don't know where I was going with that.
I'm just really bummed they're not getting the movie. Yeah, that sucks. Well,
that was our Rookaholics segment. This has been our Christmas
episode. Rookaholics. Rookaholics.
Hooaholics. See you right back on track, baby. Yeah. With me as
always is Austin. He walked
ten seconds from my murder room to the living room to be here today,
Farrell. Adolf Hootler. With us as always
is Michael, the one that looks the most like an actual who
of all of us, Larson. Thank you. Have a wonderful
Christmas. Who will Satan? It's
Brennan. I saw Brennan
kissing Santa Claus. What was the other one we had? Brennan got run over
by a who.
On the who night of the who Christmas Eve.
Ship left to Boston. And I sued that who and made lots of money.
You whoed that who. And I have been your
hoost. Hey, Rice. This has been Pride
Rice Hootcast. And we've been who.
We've been who. We are the best hootcast.
We've been who. We've been who. We've been who
hootcast.
Hootcast.