the
and welcome to another edition of the fried rice
podcast
the andy rice can't speak edition because he's taken the first hit
and i'm your host
andy rice who couldn't speak because i was taking the first hit
let's get fried and with me as always it is michael
if i were a bad santa he would absolutely be my bad elf
larson
that is so close to reality if you look at it side by side anymore
welcome everybody uh...
where uh... talking bad santa today but before that uh... it's just me and mike
today i know that normally uh...
person mike and i sorry all english professors out there in the world
that i just before you trouble don't don't tell anybody i don't give me a
bad grade
uh...
mike and i it's uh... this is the first
time it's just been the two of us
and
what's it's kind of exciting kiss at the end of the month
uh... boxing day we have a little bit of a surprise works just gonna be me and
one other
uh...
co-hosts where it's just another solo or kind of a duo episode that we've done
so cool to in one month if i had a uh...
yet is only one of the co-host that i would that would do that with but
uh... they don't know what it is
yet anyway so that's just some
uh... the podcast of uh... let's jump into it uh... what we smoking what my
smoking i guess still can't really smoke because because mike is needed
and that's the word
yeah uh... he's mister edible
i'm just looking the same stuff that i have been smoking which is uh... the
white cherry gelato
by accompany called zana
z a n a and it's been great
enjoy it uh...
i know that i we had donut shop i've been smoking these uh...
hash tag
uh... pre rolls which have been fucking awesome
passion diamond infused pre rolls uh...
of course uh...
s you know you've got stizzy
pre rolls were uh...
biscotti like i had that the other day those really fancy really good
uh...
baby jitters
you guys gotta fucking
pick up your uh... like it like
pick up the slack a little bit whatever's happening at your factory
because uh...
i would say twenty to
thirty five percent of all pre rolls i get from jeter now
are clogged
unsmokable
nightmares you and and what's sad about that is you have been a
serious jeter buyer prolonged that
we just look at your collection of jars yet if you guys could see my jeter
collection i love that company i love jeter i
wish that i could
still love jeter but now i haven't bought jeter's
the last what three four times i've been to this
clint because why would i
why would i buy it where i know that the five pack of baby jeter's i'm gonna get
three or two or three of them are good
hit them and have to open them up and smoke them in a bowl like i could buy
flour for that right
and a lot cheaper and a lot cheaper so
sorry jeter until i i you know
uh... maybe i'll try it again
a little bit maybe a few more weeks maybe next year i'll try it again bad run
and they'll have
have it cleaned up but i swear to god if i buy one more baby jeter pack
i'll let them get to whatever inventory they have these places if i buy one more
baby jeter pack that's not
i'll go for the newest one so that way i'll give a little bit of the doubt
but if it is the same shit if i get two or three of the clogged
not going for me
so that was the what we smoking slash what we not smoking
section
of friday rice podcast
and i say we just jump
straight into it because
really okay
i kinda want to get talking about the movies
yeah so uh... movie
yet well okay welcome
well i mean i don't know
uh... so
let's get into a bad santa
uh... we're watching were reviewing both of them today will reviewing we're
talking about
both of them today uh... will start with the first one
as
they did
that will go to the second one
and much later the second one
yet we need to take a thirteen-year break
when between the two movies work
i mean we had that look
i think the thirteen-year break was awesome although he
he kinda looked
better in the second movie a little bit well and because the thirteen-year
break was it really a
in the movie since it was a thirteen-year break
was it i mean
it seems like it kinda picked up where the other one left off i did not exactly
but
it didn't seem like as long a time in past
eight years old to twenty one
thirteen years
i guess it is yeah
so in two thousand three two thousand six so yeah they're definitely doing the
it's been thirteen years yeah
so uh...
opening credits right off the bat
john ridder and bernie mack
back-to-back
on the credits i'm like ooh shit that doesn't age well
john ridder's last film
it is dedicated to him
was his last thing he filmed last movie
last movie i don't know about it
because he was filming the tv show
so r i p to both of them
and then it hit me that like at some point
in my lifetime
potentially
i'll be able to say that about most of the people in the movie
maybe all
like well except for
well thurman merman we don't know thurman merman looks like he could be
having a heart attack at like twenty eight
yes it's true
that's true so we don't know
but yeah uh...
it just hit me it's like yeah we're getting older
and that it also hit me like at work
when i'm talking to the we we work with a couple young girls uh...
you know and they're like
or late teens early twenties and they
oftentimes have no idea what the fuck we're talking about when we're mentioning
blockbuster
mega hits
but then i think about it i'm like okay yeah those the nineties those thirty
something years ago
early two thousands was like twenty something years ago and then i start
thinking like when i was a kid and my parents were talking about
movies like the godfather or apocalypse now
all these things
had more reverence for them
and the reason being i think
is because
there were less movies
right now we have access
to ten billion things via all the streaming in the world right i was gonna
it's kind of the same reason
but i think it's the access that that is the problem
because what would happen when we were kids we were still watching movies
we watched
like when i was a kid for example okay
there was the batman sixty six okay i was born in sixty six
right so i didn't see batman sixty six when it came out
i saw when i was twelve in reruns on television
well technically you might have seen it in your baby newborn baby vision
possibly yes but yeah the point the point being
i have reverence for that
because reruns
because the reruns and that's the thing and these kids don't have reruns because they
have phones they have all this other stuff
it's weird because the access to information the information age is also
dialing back
the
common
things that have brought
at least since the advent of the television movies
societies like
groups of friends together
in high school junior high middle school you know like elementary school for me
it was easy
to kinda pick a friend group based on whatever nerd culture whatever vibe they
were into whatever
whatever movies they watched like that whatever tv shows we were all you know
like we would be able to talk about the same things but now
it's like splintered
well now it's like yes i want to mention oh shit have you seen this and i'm like
well no because
every person comes up to me and they're like have you seen this and it's a
different this every single time because there's ten
thousand of them
on streaming also should i watch tollsie king should i watch stranger things
that i watch fucking
uh...
madman i never watched should i watch
goliath which billy bob thorn which i you know like i heard is good and yes you
should
i should watch all of these things
i haven't seen them
and i probably never will because that list keeps getting bigger
i need to watch two seasons of
only murders in the building and you watch a couple seasons of upload
i need to watch
the boys i need to finish that i need to finish
invincible these are all shows that i fucking love yeah there's absolutely
nobody
but there's only so many hours in a day
and it even goes to music though we were kids there were like
i mean not you so much but when i was a kid
you had country music you had rock music you had some hard rock
and you had you know the old classical stuff and whatever that your parents
were
there's no
music splintered into thirty seven john
it's that way with music to the the group were smaller but it's better for
the individual
yet because i go on my youtube music and i hit
uh... super mix
and what the dues of a lot of uh...
and what i like recently is they've changed it to you can set the perimeter
how much new
verses
comfort
that you want like how much of the how much of like you want to relistens up
how much you want us to pepper you with new stuff based on that stuff
favor relisting to things i feel like uh... there's probably a
a thousand songs that i listen to on repeat
you know like
mixed up or whatever
i do sometimes do like that discover mix or the
the new make like like when they like the stuff they want me to hear
and i have found some some new bands like that i and you stuff that i like
i like that when it comes to music
tv shows feel overwhelming for me
i would music i could just turn on super mix and it feels like a radio and i'm
gonna hear what i'm in here and it's just music so it's like
i might find some new stuff i like i might not enjoy something i can skip it
whatever right
tv shows movies you have to
invest sometime and effort mentally into the property or into whatever you're
watching
for it to even
have an effect
if you're not paying attention you can't just have a show on in the background
you know not
pay attention to it and anticipate like
you know like like it or whatever right it's the you can't do the same thing is
with music
it is too overwhelming because like right now i even have
netflix hulu disney max
you know fucking youtube premium
how much of that even watch
honestly
it's it's a cup of ticket
two or three movies a week
and a couple of tv shows
that are on i think
to of the streaming platforms so
but when you go to kids i've done this and i go to cancel and i look at my
all but i'm gonna watch that i want to watch that
so that i don't and that's right
i'm still paying like sixty bucks a month in streamers
i think the best
i think the best to streaming right now or max in disney
i think uh... it's so much with them
the like if i had to if i had to if i had to boil down to one i don't know how
i'd be able to choose between those two
but i would probably lean more disney
well yeah it's marvel you don't have much marvel star wars
and classic disney
so it's like if i ever had a uh... itch for
like uh... cartoon for my past there's that being whatever right
plus they have the old uh... animated uh... marvel stuff
so i can watch like
nineties
spider-man
cartoon or whatever you say that but i'm gonna go home today and because
yesterday on max
beetlejuice beetlejuice
why i saw that the theater yet but i'm saying i didn't see the whole year so
so i i look at a lot of these like max
i figure that's free to me because i want to work in the movies and see that
i didn't have max but i knew it was coming i'm like it's gonna come within
three months
and i'll see you know what
my whole
uh... you know how against movie theaters i am yet i don't like them
i wish that they would go away i wish
theaters would morph into
a
premium
destination
where they only play movies that claim
to be theater worthy
so we cut out all the all the stuff that isn't
theater worthy
maybe we keep just the comedies in the
is that something is a no people want to
we just need to
denormalize movie theaters we need to get rid of them
everything comes to streaming everyone has a big t b at their house they all
have
by this point in your life
you have a setup that you're comfortable with the home you have to be like
what's different but
average person
movies are important to you you've invested in a big t b and a sound bar
everybody's got a fifty inch t b
exactly
i don't know why go to the theater spending all that money on
albeit very good popcorn
is that the experience to me is not worth
hearing other people
trickling their fucking shit
all worrying slightly in the back of my mind that there could be a shooting
that could happen right the joker
that one thing colorado aurora that changed my movie viewing experience
forever
i doubt every time when it especially cuz they say here's your emergency exits
if anything happens
make sure you go to a man they're saying that because they remember
ten years ago when a guy fifteen years ago when a guy murdered a bunch of
people
in a movie theater where you're supposed to feel safe
that was like that's supposed to be that
we used to wear suits
and ties and
like fancy dresses to go to the movie theater supposed to be like that
iconic
all american slice of you know marikana right
well used to be an event for one thing and it's not anymore i think maybe that's
what he needs to go back
though i think that's how you say movie theaters at this point
movie theater should be a bit center so you should have like like it's a what's
now a twelve flexor
whatever ten flex
they should change those two words like two bigs
big theaters
okay that have
for your event movies for marvel
stuff like that and the other was to be smaller they should see fifty
and you should they should not play except for be rented out
so in other words i want to take twenty people
that i know to a movie
you know three hundred dollars
to rent the theater
that's the way to do it so it's like
we want to see
i want to go see the new spider-man movie or like the new
the new captain america
i don't want to see it
in a group and i don't want to see it with the general public
i want us i want to rent out
with ten of my friends for three hundred dollars or whatever what you're right
is how much are they get it
how much would it cost to fill up
a theater
is what
that's all you got to figure out is like can you make more by renting out
they're gonna lose money because
how often are people general in the big in the two big theaters and you and you
separate and if they did actual events where they like
what all out and do stage plays in there
there's no they all have stages there's no reason you could not
rent i mean i know that high schools were in it to put their plays on
there's uh... it would be
and listen i happen to know of a school here in town
that had trouble getting a place
and they would obviously to do their three days where the stage plays
and then they just charge admission to recoup your their money
because they still charge admission they only charge like five bucks but whatever
if they were in for three hundred and they
whatever it takes to get that admission
the parents are gonna pay it to see their kids do their play
well anyway movie theater companies if you're listening
baby jeeters if you're listening
this is gonna fix everything we're gonna fix everything we have concepts of a
plan
so
r i p bernie mack and john ritter i guess
eleven opening credits that explains the movie that santa puking
uh...
which is the movie
uh... tony cox in a snowman suit is adorable
uh... i like that
it's just classical music
throughout it
for the most part most uh... which i really like
is it makes it classy
uh...
when he gets up and he's throws his alarm clocks
fucking shit god damn it i was like that's how i wake up it's a good day
his last name is silk i don't know his first name
those willy silk
yeah okay
willy silk
willy t stokes
it's not stokes
i paused
stokes
interesting alright
before we get okay then uh...
fuck me santa i have but
so i mean if you're if you've seen the movie everybody at home i'm sure it's
bad sense that's billy bob thorton probably should start this away before
we go much further we should probably say
like last week was a very
safer work episode
episode is not
yet well
the movie itself is not first off last episode is not safe for work we just
did
we just i i did blur out
said the word cock a few times at the end
in case you're wondering what the last episode i said was uh...
but uh...
yet this was i mean i don't know i i
i didn't write down a lot of all when i did i wrote down some i wrote down some
quotes that yeah and this and this movie itself was originally rated nc-seventeen
and it cut it to get it on
you know it's crazy to me
is that
i must be desensitized because
maybe it's because i've seen it so many times
it's just like
it doesn't hit the same way as far as the uh...
like just case in point
when he beats up the bully
does not hit the same way that it did
twenty years ago beating up a child
was beating up a teenager
uh... like a thirteen or fourteen year old teenager yeah
yeah but child sure but they deserve it
but like that
the punching
i guess it was it was light hearted
it like it looked fake
it's like there wasn't any damage on the kid after you know like
what i would really want
what i really like what i want is like uh... another history of violence as a
scene where the
loses his fucking mind and beats up another kid that was cool
i like what peter parker beats up the flash thompson you know in those movies
i'd just like a nerd
beating up a bully story
just wish that it was a little bit more
because this is bad santa is a hard r
nc seventeen
almost right like why not
fucked the kid up a little bit like
you know what i mean like
like have a bleeding your black eye afterwards like make
make it so like i know he does a lot of bad shit
make him do the worst shit that's like make him irredeemable
like that's what i don't think they did they gave them like they didn't make him irredeemable
uh... you still root for about the end and i don't
well i think maybe that was a choice because i think actually one of my notes
about this movie one of my biggest notes of this movie
and really both of them
at the caret it's a character note about will
and
the thing with santa is rather the root against him because he's so bad
almost felt sorry for him
wait will you get the you're supposed to feel sorry for that's what i'm saying is
the character development choice in here
but i think that you're saying make him worse i'm saying i don't know
that him being worse would have let you feel sorry for him still
okay i think the movie
it towards
the only thing is is it sort of humanize assembly gets the kit right and he starts
somewhat taking care of a little bit
if that didn't happen
this guy's scumbag right like if i met willy in real life
one of the worst human beings you'd ever meet
you would want anywhere near anyone you would never talk to him again you'd hope
that god he'd be out of your life as quick as possible
he would literally smell like shit
and piss
and alcohol
he's damn near just a homeless guy walking around with near your children
and stuff
this is one of the most unrealistic movies of all time and keeping the job as
santa would have never would have never
not even after that conversation that they had with uh... tony cockley was
like all
we need you people which i thought that was that was great
uh...
is it always night at the north pole
it's either always that are always day
depending on that
it's always better always day here for looking at what time it is
no no no i'm saying all day long it's night or all day long it's day
certain times of the year
like alaska how you do you have like
sure two hours a day light i'd just like someone mentioned it i was like
interesting
uh...
grandma are you spry
yeah like that line uh...
so they uh... it's it's
he's a safecracker tony cox is is uh... the guy that runs the operation he's got
a wife
uh... loris
lois
or loris
whose wife are you saying?
lois lois
he kept saying it with these yeah
it's confusing
there's a lot of names
because then sue is
yeah talk to the mic
sue is the uh...
the other girl so i think it's lois yeah sue is the other the fuck me santa
chick the fuck me santa chick
that's what we'll call her
laura line from gilmore girls yes
which is
crazy because it's crazy the stars just in this yeah and she like the fact that
she's
from gilmore girls and she's the fuck me santa chick which is great
let's talk about thurman
what a great
find that they found he's the most pathetic looking kid of all time they
really make him disgusting looking with all that snot on his face in the very
beginning listen
maybe the most grossed out i've ever been in a movie is the chocolate
sneeze?
it might be the most grossed out i've ever been in a movie
do you think the kid really had to have done it
yeah i don't see any way to fake that
i don't think they cut away
i think the kid just sneezed on him and he just yeah
so gross yeah this movie is fucking disgusting
uh...
so
yeah thurman
thurman merman
we'll find out later
uh... he's just referred to as the kid the kid all through the first movie
yeah uh... but we don't we find out his name at the end yeah but uh...
he's great
he acts like such a idiot
but he like in such a convincing way
that's good acting because he's on the top of the spectrum
uh...
which is great
so i put john ritter and bernie mack when they're together in the room are
absolutely phenomenal together absolutely love it bernie mackie
it's like yeah just
what a weird choice weird choice
bernie mack the half
that scene with uh... tony was great uh...
checkers the checker scene so when uh...
billy bob starts uh... staying at
thurman's house
and they're hanging out and they're playing checkers and thurman just sits
there for like a couple minutes not making a move and then he does the
triple hop
i get with me just flips the board over it's like
wanna play again
uh... it's a testado
was pretty great
which is bread with some baloney uh... fry baloney does not taste like hot dog
i fry baloney all the time it does not taste like hot dog to me tastes like
spam
not to me
unless actually i've never really had spam so
fried spam and fried yeah if spam if fried spam tastes like fried baloney you might try
it might be some spam in the future
uh... sherman's dad looks sorry thurman's dad
looks like thurman
yeah they've got a good no we meet him in prison
do you remember when bernie mack
i'm missing a part of this tome bernie mack goes to jail
talks to him in his glasses
and he says
do you have any guests staying at your house
yes yeah that's thurman's dad and that's why thurman's
that's why my dad's on an adventure for another year and
yeah whatever month he's just not telling me i'm gonna be honest with you
i never picked up on that
until this run through i don't think right
but that is thurman's dad
so bernie mack goes into the jail and he goes uh...
you live here
remember he just like this is where you live this is what you did blah blah blah the guy's like
yeah yeah
you have any uh... guests staying at the house? no just my mom or whatever it's okay thank you
what was this about?
and bernie mack just leaves because he was just gathering information
uh... it was in that little cut scene where he was trying to figure out what he got
and so then he holds them up for uh...
yeah what he wants to say half
i love that that's probably one of my favorite bernie mack moments
i think i'm looking at all of them
sit there the way he was eating the oranges and shit
sucking the juice out
he really did a good job
the pedicure or when he's getting uh... oh yeah just get down in there
and then the moment she uh...
touches his foot god damn it what would it be like he can't take it
very good uh... alright
there's a line
oh yeah he's like
uh... why did your dad uh...
you know why my dad was mad at me
my dad kicked my ass
oh you know why because you went to bathroom on mommy's dishes
is what thermos says i was like
what all
that's my favorite line
it's such a little like a quick one uh...
these lips were on your pussy or your wife's pussy last night is a great line
uh... trying to kill himself
is very funny uh...
in the car yeah in the car
and thermon saves you by having a black eye basically yeah i like that and uh...
what up what up
what a forced
a forced
uh... movie plot point those like
him if i would i'd i give the cop this letter like whatever they cover my body
and then at the end
and then that's what saves of slash brings the cops their slash everything
like what it
that's like one of those
they didn't think i was paying attention to how lazy that was script writing but
that was pretty
bucket lazy bad sense of writers
well though they had to take and this was a short story
that david said there is a road
and that they had to flesh it out
it was actually based on
okay that makes sense
i can see this is like a short little
just a robber santa
breaking into malls
i wonder if ball security
has stepped up
their sir like their understandings of mall santa's since
this movie came out
like i don't even know the mall sales even exist anymore the malls even
exist sure let's let's not use the word mall broadly
where you would find a santa in the wild
they're not
maybe way fewer than they used to be that's what i was thinking i'm thinking
how many
how many santa jobs have been lost due to the
decline of malls in america how many santa
jobs have been found since the advent of the internet
i have a friend
uh... you can look them up at a i think it's only a fan santa
no it's santa i think you look them up on facebook santa phil
and it's my buddy phil and he uh...
just said he does know he does um...
mem he does
like uh... video messages for kids
okay that's cool like they do a video this is what i want for christmas type
deal he's all or more of the north pole i can do it over online
or let you go immediately to only fans
why was that your first thought
it's a little bit of a lot more santa
really sweet conversations
i think you also might he might do adult stuff with adults though like you might
be like sexy santa stuff i'm not sure
i don't want to speak for him
i've used his services you mean santa's wife's sister is that he does yeah which is
really great santa's wife's other sister
uh...
in the next movie
that's what he uh... hey santa's sister santa's sister's other sister whatever
uh...
and i put yet the beating up the teens he is funny but i remember being better
there's a little bit lackluster
but then what was it lackluster and what i think stills holds up
is except for why tony cox agreed to box the kid
the ball punching kicking ball punch all the fun is so funny
the but
even this even says like
i don't even know why i agreed to do this
because idea with kids all the time i was like
because idea with kids all the time whatever
the way that tony cox represents himself in this movie he'd be like
but you you work for me
i'm the guy running the show
i don't care that you have the easiest job you're playing mall santa to rob
this place
go fuck yourself
i'm not gonna go
dress i'm not gonna go fight some kid in a bottle except for without willy they
have no robbery other than the shit is
growth
i guess but he's not gonna drop off the job because tony cox doesn't agreed to
box
maybe yeah you're probably right now the first movie now
i just thought that was a little bit silly they just want to
because that the same size or he's a little bit shorter that they wanted to
go
but it's still very funny scene
but uh...
and then okay
here's what i've never understood
the entire
time i've watched this movie
why
does thurman make
him a wooden pickle
was that ever reference in the beginning of the movie
it does he ever mention pickles
is he ever mention wood pickles
does it is it some sort of dildo joke
i thought it was gonna be at first
when he handed it to him was when they were in the middle of
mrs
santa's sister
he was in mrs santa's sister actually when he gave him the pickle
very weird
so i thought that's where they were gonna go with the joke but they didn't
they just left it be
and i'm assuming it's just because
it's just a stick i mean you just pick up a stick and
whittle a couple of the ends off and you're done yeah but easy
i don't know what thurman's
why a wooden pickle
because i don't think thurman could make a reindeer out of wood but i don't think
why make anything out of wood
because he was a kid with you know night look i get it i think look
i just think that there's more behind the wood and pickle thing
it's weird to me i've always thought that every single time i watch this
movie i thought this this would be the time that i pick up on it
i didn't
uh... but it is a super sweet scene
uh... this movie talks at the heartstrings uh... a bit
there are some scenes that are
sure yet towards the end of you know nothing crazy no i thought
no i'll tell you the only part of me was when they did the christmas for the kid
the little sad tree and all that they decorated all with the with the
popcorn is trying to get his like uh... shakes you can't get the popcorn out
that was pretty cool i thought it was pretty cool how they made this kid a
christmas who'd never had a christmas
yeah
that is sad what
probably would have gone with the life
well but yet others in a while he was basically thing i have
i haven't had a president six years
sandwiches from grandma
so i think both of the getting to the alarm in time scenes from tony cox are
phenomenal
uh... there the part probably one of the best like
designed the scenes of the movie which i really like
yeah those are so good uh...
and then mrs santa's sister
is awesome and she has become a mother figure for thurman
uh... which is great and that she actually does take care of him at the
end of the movie
just cool
what i put he's dead
he's dead huh
i don't even know he was sick
is a great line when uh... talking about birdie mac
the three b's
which was what was it
boozing
blow uh...
bitches and blow jobs or
i forgot the other b i should have written it down
and how many times was he fucking shot at the end there with the car show up
eight i wrote that down the next line was eight
and then what a great ending he survives he gets out of prison
once again like you said kinda set up through the letter and that
obviously would never really happen is that this movie is such a movie
world that
this guy would be in jail there's no way
you wouldn't get out of this
you know like like what i wrote right at the time i wrote what the fuck they shot
shot unarmed santa in the back
and then man they went hard on the phoenix police department
they went yeah the police went real hard
for just a robbery i guess doesn't make sense unarmed never armed
tony was armed and shot at the cops tony they would have been totally
fine to shoot him
but santa didn't do nothing as far as the cops could tell
you're fine with them shooting a black guy
well only black midgets
you have to say midget no in this case you have to say midget
because that's why
because that's what they say in the movie oh he pisses
he gets mad
yeah when anytime someone says yes exactly so to be
clear he is a dwarf oh no yeah you know he's a he's a no he's a little person
no he's specifically a dwarf
no they say specifically no fat fingers remember
he said wait non fat finger kind
what they say
i don't remember that yeah that's a line in this movie
no but i know for sure he's a dwarf though
he says it
i'm a dwarf
yeah he says it
in the movie
what he's talking about being able to carry him out or whatever yeah i'm a fucking dwarf
i'm three foot five motherfucker you carry him out yeah that's a great line
you draw me a diagram as to how i'm supposed to get him to the car
like fuck you yeah
uh... that was a great line uh...
i'm gonna go with
we're gonna grade this
so our grading system
uh... for at least one more week after this
uh... our last i think our season finale is next week
is it? it might be the week after whatever it's coming up
our grading system until then
is that we uh... because typically we only watch B movies this is definitely not the
case today or has been lately
but we decided B would be our top
and uh... F would be uh... normally the bottom but we also have a designated
place in hell
it's called W for waste of time
uh... which we very very rarely use
because it is a
responsible movie
yeah so
i give this movie a B minus
because it's a classic
it's very funny
it holds up
the acting is great
it's
sweet at times it's very very very very very funny
it's one of my
yeah it's up there like as a top
alternate to your traditional christmas stuff
so like if you don't want
uh... like a home alone or a
christmas story
you don't want that saccharine sweet kind of deal
and you want to make a hard left
you go bad santa
yeah and is this the first of the
hard left movies christmas movies
no i believe there's black
christmas which is like a horror movie back in the day and uh...
as far as like the
the comedy or violent
christmas vacation
think about christmas vacation
it
that was a departure from your typical christmas
story
it being
uh... still way more sweet not this
not what i think of is like
actually there wasn't
very many sweet moments in christmas vacation think about it
we just we just reviewed that they're really not that many sweet there's not
really like you never tear up in christmas vacation
honestly that was a and it sort of
they did a job to not make it
a pg thirteen or was it was a lot of people but uh... he did thirteen yeah
but it was an are like this is this might be the first
one of the first like
really
hard are
comedies
themed around christmas but now that i'm
thinking about that
there could be more
i don't know
but i give it a b minus
which is basically a minus if you're
paying attention
yeah i would say i'm gonna be around the same on this one
i did numbers on it
four and a half out of five so it's basically
same thing
you know like i said the the
honestly though it wasn't five for me the only the only the only problem i
really have with this movie was that i can't kind of felt pity for willy
and i know that was a choice
and and i didn't know what the problem was i didn't know what
that was so much on
in this first movie on billy bob's act
is amazing i mean it's just no you get there's not a better person for this
part there's not a better
the born to play this part it's it's like
it's him
billy bob's great yes and
i think you know i felt pity for but i think it's how he played the part that
made me feel it now
what's i saw the second movie i i know why i felt pretty horrible
but uh...
so yeah i'm the same as you be minus
that's it's a number one gets at the minus
i feel like we might have some differing opinions on the second one or i'm sure
we don't know maybe
days of our lives
uh...
where's the goal with that
of the show that asked you
are you listening
in the answer
i guess that we've you heard that
you are
that's how that works uh... thurman merman actor he stars in slap shot three
the junior league
no she
do you have to tell you didn't watch that no i don't want it
i will watch it
uh... actually i couldn't find it uh...
but slap shot three the junior league
sounds interesting because it's the three brothers
from slap shot
the middle some brothers whatever they are
not the middle so uh... but anyway they
hansen brothers and they come in and they uh...
it's like mighty duck sing a uh... young lee
their possibility for shenanigans sounds pretty good with them as the guys i
like that
you have a what's tony play
a one
you're a kid
no tony
no thurman merman
all not tony cox i was thinking
uh... well i don't know the actor that plays thurman merman which i did write down
it's like barry allen or something but it's not
because that's the flash but
something like that
but yet he starts a slap shot slap shot three
literally as the junior league as a
brett kelly which is a weird yet sounds like a made-up name doesn't it
billy cox
burt ward
billy zade
i got a refer to get a good
uh... and then i also put up
all do that's it too
is tony cox last movie
tony cox is all you know he's not that he's never did anything again there's
nothing else after that's it too
which is crazy to me
uh... and then also
when i put all
the
for better to the ride hansen
plays
he plays the husband
who with the shoe
uh... we get the thing that she's on his wife who's the paycheck
he is a principal actor
in uh...
veronica mars
so he plays uh...
a
what does it veronica mars it's orange county
and there's the
rich kids and then there's like the poor poor kids and they all uh... lots of
yeah they all go to the same school
and uh...
he's one of the richer kids right
and she and veronica mars played by uh...
what's her name
the star veronica mars
i don't know i never saw it
you know who uh... christin bell
she
yet she
i don't know she's the one married to dash elsa that's all of the yeah okay
all right yes so
she plays veronica mars is detective
and she's trying to figure stuff out
now he's just a party boy he doesn't really like gets involved or whatever
but i don't know
they don't date or anything
i love it
as a character that show
he's like a just a party duties like kind of sympathetic but he's also a dick
a lot of the times
uh... that he got a spinoff show veronica mars
that's only online and it was so hard to find where he
plays
uh... he's what's he is such that
it's the surfer dude
who's now trying to start
his old
tb show
uh... in that universe with the veronica mars universe he wants to play a
detective
on tb doing stuff so he asks for a couple of hours to like help him
get the role for she's like
don't like
people are here but that was kind of fun is that it sort of
like uh... you keep tabs on what was happening with the bronco mars group
which was at the time important until of course as we all know twenty eighteen
i think twenty sixteen they did the reboot
uh... slash soft reboot of veronica mars obviously you were there
they did a one shot on hulu one season as we all know as we all know it picked
up where uh...
it picked up many years later and it was surprising who she ended up with
because you're thinking
it was going to be uh... logan
and it was dax
uh...
it wasn't was well you know the back of the long run yet
but uh...
yeah i actually did not tell the cost of the second movie i completely forgot
that he was in this
completely forgot i thought it was just kathy bates and uh...
billy bob for the blue like in my mind when i think of this movie of like okay
thurman although there is a spill book he's only used in this piece used as a
boil in this movie
sort of a bad guy as he's like the back i guess
uh... so
first off the electric oven scene
super great
i wish they
had done the bad santa credit
on the
him puking in the alley again
because they had that shot why not
put the credit there like they did in the last one
because it was a
it was like perfect that would have been great instead they used it uh... i think in the
hotel room
and i was like wow
thurman grew up
that's such a weird it was such a surreal thing
because he was the same and also bigger yeah just a bigger older thing
the fact that he works for
he makes sandwiches
for a living
perfect so perfect uh...
and uh... he's super proud of it like uh... i love that he makes hot sandwiches too
i just can't stop burning my hand every time i take it out of the oven
uh... and then like
and my uh...
my co-worker says that we should just put some uh...
uh... sauce on it but you can't eat hand butters on food yeah but you put
butters on food
hand isn't food
uh... i was like tony cox is back that's great uh... thurman
running away
well not really
i don't think i wrote that down right
well he's not really running away
from what no see i i wrote i don't know what i wrote that down doesn't matter
there's a shot
whether showing chicago
it's weird it's nothing to do with the movie
but there's a show where they're just showing establishing shots of chicago
at wintertime
and there is a uh...
pathway
that looked
probably
ten people wide
if they were shoulder to shoulder
and it was
ice
and it was
it looked like you could start on one and and ice skate
down a pathway
as opposed to like a roller skating rink but this looked like designed
this way so like it looked cool
i'm just saying i've never been to chicago
i would look at that would be specifically on my list of the look for that
yes
i thought it was very cool
guy from baronic of mars ryan whatever his name is it's great
best-seeing the entire with the police they made me dot was billy bob for the
you know he gets convinced by tony cox to go for one last job ripoff charity
uh... he doesn't know it's a charity at the time
but he agrees
uh... to go
and then uh...
he mentions tony cox mentions
uh... yet well that there is uh... previous associate of ours that you know
those you work wants to work with us
billy bob sees kathy bates in the missus santa outfit
it punches are the face
by dot i was like he's just you don't
fuck dotty like what's the right the face of like
so good you time did you think it was going to be an extra something at the
time when he did it for a while but what the fuck yes i don't know is your like
an associate associate a guy or something but yet no kathy bates
but what
watch the trailers leading up to that's in a two when i first watched the guy
i just was like
this is only
eight years ago that this is not as yet we might as did you see this in the
theaters i probably get
kathy bates has
rate
lines in this movie
kathy bates might be the only good
well billy bob's great billy bob's always great except for
in this movie once again i just felt more sad
but and obviously
for him
i think maybe watch them back to back maybe having the thirteen years before
between these two movies
would have made it feel a lot better
but watch them back to back it's like
but you did learn anything from the first movie i just felt more sad for
and then we'll be kathy bates you figure out why you feel sad for
well you know the movie and it ends with him saying like
you know he's really pissing on the photo of him in the chick yeah closest
thing ever had to a girlfriend or whatever you like
yeah like it's just like
well that's but you know what
here's the thing
that's what those people are like
that's what
willies of the world
they lose
and they're fucking losers and they hurt the people around them
and they destroy everything they touch and they don't deserve a sympathy or
i don't even think
like once you've had your third fourth fifth chance you're done
like yeah but you really think it's his fault yeah that's the thing or do you
think it's kathy bates fault
is it her fault
she was thirteen when she got knocked up
well it's situational i understand
can you blame a thirteen-year-old girl for not being a good mom
maybe she should give up her doctor i don't know maybe
yeah maybe you can
i mean i don't know i don't know
i don't know either it was the one side of the one side yeah i don't know her
dad didn't finish in her ass
you know i do remember that i was with her
it in this movie
i'll tell you what
it out just before we go
i think too
ruined one
if that makes sense
now i don't want to think it to what i think about it
what about too
don't you like because it's
as funny as the first one
if you go by
because the lines but if you like the first one because it's billy bob thorton
screaming at kids and being a fucking disgusting guy and saying
dirty shit people
well guess what you get that
a lot in number two from not only him but also tony
and the mom
and i think the lines are better written i think they're like you get some funny
shit i think there's such a thing as too much icing
i guess that's the way to put it
if you uh... listen i'm not saying it's not an homage to the first one it is
that's what i was just saying about singing back to back might have been
the problem for me
but i'd because
six hours of it four hours of it is just too much
that's what i'm getting at is it too feels forced i don't think they're
designed to be
back-to-back right that's what i'm saying i'm giving that credit to it
myself to my watching of it
and my viewpoint about the movie may be partially based in the fact that i
watched them back-to-back
but i was i had not seen two before this i will say this though okay
and into that but i will say this
i don't think it's a rehash of the first
in a lot of ways because
first off
billy bob
is not trying to form a relationship with the kid
he
he does
at the end
uh...
watch the the choir i guess but that's not like
he doesn't really do anything for merman
that almost any pointless
point rise to the takes him to have a place to stay
he does that's not that's not really
don't wait is is what i'm off at a homeless shelter
and then when he sees an obviously scared there but he just tells him the
book like to stay out of that corner with us to do to the fucking
or whatever and you'll be fine
that's not really
the extent that he gave in the first movie like in the first movie when he
had his girlfriend
who was helping him that's what he actually was trying
so i'll say this
it's what i'm saying this movie doesn't
he'll is
that's what i was trying to let me tell you what i wrote every joke is cranked
up to eleven but volume is a comedy it's just noise
i don't agree i don't think it's turned up to eleven i don't think
watch the first movie
and what
makes it stand out what makes bad santa one
a funny movie it's because billy bob is saying are rated shit to a kid
and that's that's funny and that's supposed to be funny that's it
and he's got tony cox and heat back and forth with that
so it's like also the sweet through line throughout it is what i'm saying
i agree and i'm saying that the second movies not
a rehash of this from of the first movie
i've never thought i think it is i think it's
but if you wanted
billy bob ford say dirty shit
to kids he does is cranked up to eleven that's yeah i agree but i don't think
it's great
the thing is
i don't think it's i think they did the tow it's more profane it's more crew
the towed is good that does not automatically equal
a better movie
that's all i'm saying but you can't
what i'm saying is this though
the first movies crew
that's what makes it good yet
part of what the second movie is crew
i don't know how that
is how that differs in your mind i don't know because the thing is because that
if you call him level going up is not better
those yelling
volume level is used as a as a i know you but but
extra vulgarity
i don't know what that's just as i said that's what i said
two thousand three hundred a piece of cake with icing on it it's good i can
have a piece of cake with a whole
can of icing on it and it's not good
i get the metaphor
i get how cake
but what i'm saying is this
the first movie
was boulder by two thousand three standards
the second movies boulder by twenty sixteen states
if there was a bad san a three ten years it would be hopefully even more vulgar
as possible
because i'm just saying
hopefully it would be more vulgar because by then our shocks
what what shocks us is in there anymore
literally right now nine eleven jokes don't bother people anybody anymore like
some people obviously but like you could do a nine eleven a joke a nine eleven
joke and people are just like okay if it's good it's funny
you go to two thousand three and do a nine eleven joke it won't fly
it's like a lot of plans on nine eleven but uh...
but what i'm saying is it
you okay gilbert
well yeah that's exactly sure
two thousand three
they did the vulgar as they could get away with
and see seventeen and edited down
if they brought the twenty sixteen movie two thousand three would state in its
seventy seventeen right they would like but if you brought the two thousand three
version it's not even our most vulgar movie that would come out this that
hangover was more vulgar
to do well maybe not
hangover but we've
since the first because bad santa
set the bar
of what
raunchy
fucking comedies are especially when it's like you know you take something
perfect christmas and flip it on its ass right
it had to go above its own bar that other people had raised since then
so like
that's the thing so i get you're saying it's more vulgar
you have to reason my point is for no reason it's not
it's not that
it's not that it's more vulgar that doesn't bother me at all
it's that it's more vulgar
you're saying they just had to crank it up to meet the times that's what you're
i want reasoning i watch the first movie
there are some funny moments uh... so we're getting touched in the dick is
always funny
and there's some funny lines which you know i wrote down
the but that if you you go to the sequel
the lines the dialogs way better i think a lot of the cut the jokes are funny or
some of the most of the same that's not and it's a comedy
so if you go into this one of the christmas movie
i'm sorry it's it's really not a christmas it's where's the first one is
first one feels more christmasy
i would even really say it's a christmas movie
i don't consider that throughput through it i'm saying it is that sweet line that
runs through
this is i think this was just not have that lot
these are
you put a bit of this one is has a dumpster
listen if you never thought you would get to see
i will say that
one thing
that never thought that i would get to see
christina hendricks getting fucked against a dumpster
they should have just set the dumpster on fire
i is that
oh yeah you did take a still
you know it's funny is he has a picture of the scene where but that's in the
sparking proceed to head to
uh... one of the girls at work she's like does might really
take pictures that might really bring in pictures of all the sex parts
really yeah
he does and they're like oh
that that was a little
because a little weird these are just you know
there in their late teens early twenties girls so
you take that with a great
salts but uh...
i like it i like the dedication you bring to your
to your craft is what we'll call it uh...
the uh...
here uh... let's
we're gonna call brendan after we get uh... after we after we rate these real quick but uh...
i'll just burn through my notes
real quick on the rest of them for two real here uh...
i thought yeah kathy bates is great so i i actually liked the dialogue a lot more
this one
i always wanted to uh...
i was one of the focus into is
so would set that
who though that's the first
someone says that this i think i will always wanted to focus on it's the big
girl
uh...
the one that
the security guard
i hope he does two different girls
yeah
is against the keys
mom at thirteen holy shit that's what i wrote down that so that was a dark line
uh... is this bad as the word from
fight club
where she says i've been fuck like this it's great school
uh...
that was a that that that that makes it work so i think that it's the first time
yet well i was a bomb at thirteen the one time he doesn't he doesn't finish in
my ass or whatever
that was a who
one of my main notes about this is that she almost saved this
i think she does great
she does great she's great oh well i also thought billy bob did great
in this movie
not bad
but not great like the first movie
the first movie
he did all that with him this movie they didn't tell you everything
the first movie
you could just billy bob was a broken human being in the first one
this one too
he literally opens with the try to kill himself two times pissing on the photo
that it well also with them
it opens with him
looking a lot better like you do you even said it yourself or he looks a lot
better in this but it's just because of actor just doesn't look
but his behind his eyes his eyes are bloodshot this movie
the first one their bloodshot
it's a totally different
i don't know how to describe it it's his
billy bob does not feel like he is
it feels like he did it for the money that's all i'll say
i disagree
i disagree i think he did it passionately i think he did a great job i think the
lines i think he does
he does the majorism
i thought he was playing the same character and i thought just
years later
after being through even more hardship
i like it i like that it opens with him trying to kill himself that was realistic
pissing all over the stuff photo of the like that i'm too old for the shit line
uh... what is it on that
and you can't act
you can call that out if you want but there's a thousand movies i'll point out
that have that one
and it's all because of lethal weapon if everyone says it because of lethal
weapon
so it's just a thing now people say it's a it's almost like a
almost like a say at this point
i don't know what it is it is i'm not saying anything about that part of it
i'm just saying
it felt like
internal monologue more than it was
i think it was like billy bob goes cool and i'm too old for this shit i think they might have
caught that on the side not even as part of the movie originally
well like he said it yeah like just billy bob just said that
i like the security guard chick
her confidence is really great i like that she plays tony into uh...
giving her food
uh... like that lobster
whole just tony getting to the end
winded dine her and then her being like at the apartment like
you see i like uh... i like it
older
beat up
it's my height ain't it
it's my height yeah
it's my height no no i don't even see height
yeah
yeah it's great
which is really one of those
thing that's
prevalent online right now which is
the idea that
a lot of women are using men
dates
eat for free
no intention of
any sort of romantic
well that's what i want
you've been married for
your whole life
well it's like a lot more money than me what are you talking about of course
so you
oh so you just yeah you go on dates and you don't
and you don't give it up
well you'll get it out
you'll get it
so
i do and i don't know i don't agree with that i do think that there of course
there are people out there that will take advantage of situations i think
that there's
probably
women who think that just because they're attractive on the outside
gives them the right to
abuse manipulate gaslight and
uh... take advantage of
these dudes that
will
well they're not taught from a young age that that's the way
that's kinda what society has become
you know women can
do what they want to know this this is gonna sound like
uh... but i think it's always been that way
like kind of exist to serve women that's kind of uh... no that's actually
not the case because it it wasn't until
very recently yeah there was like very recently
that we've been a pad
where we would have
bb ones at the top of the
now i get it
always since the beginning of time there have been made
who have found women
who are way too hot for them attractive and have failed to get that girl right
that's different then
uh...
women now
literally
take a few naked pictures you could put up on only fans and you can make a
living off of that
slash
uh...
you go to a woman's dating profile
and you look at her inbox versus any dudes right
because i've i've seen it's like really there's only like one percent of the
dudes that are getting most of the replies on
on uh...
those dating apps because women are very
picky because they can be right
because they
a woman on the other hand
you just be an average looking woman
and she'll get
in a day with just messages because
guys
well and the thing is is it just guys just wanna fuck or they want to know
because this movie turns out on its head obviously is in this movie
billy bob is getting laid all he wants
it that's what i'm saying he's the one percenter
and it
plays out he's got that uh...
bad boy thing yeah i think it's what pete davidson's kinda has right now or
he's looking over the bunch of hot chicks because he's he's like the bad
boy slash
you know what he's got that big dick energy kinda deal and i think billy bob
has that to work justly really doesn't give a fuck
you know look at billy bob and look at angela and jolie and explain that
look at fucking uh...
kim kardashian
pete davidson or ariana grande and pete davidson right like any
woman in the world and pete davidson yeah
yeah exactly
that's what i'm saying so
just weird uh...
the oh
and then we get billy bob's interpretation of uh... the birth of
jesus
which was very cool to kick him out of the hotel or something
uh... yeah that was
that was that before
and then when he eats all the candy
out of the
oh wait no i don't think i was the first movie yeah yeah yeah no but i think
that's where he got the story
that's what i was saying he was like from the random count
oh no he was well i mean maybe a little bit but yeah he wouldn't have known otherwise
a lot of what he was saying though was just
bullshit which is great uh...
who burps on him
so burps oh the mom
kathy bates when she's down she just turns and belches in his face and i don't know if
that was
that must have been improvised because he looked disgusted by that uh...
and then him
fucking the chick and having her call him like call me santa
call me santa which is like a cake that he has like oh that's
so he kinda he must miss her
miss his first girlfriend
santa's
sister number one yeah
the kids asking for gifts
scene is very funny at that party
uh... that was one of the best parts of the movie it's just all the kids like
i want an assassin's creed
this i want a gta 5 it's like i don't know what that means i don't know what that just
uh... i want a hand grenade
uh... i want to uh... my best one is a penguin
doesn't have to be alive
and he just looks like that's the one he like looked at like he like looked at
like what the fuck uh...
that was great uh...
the
when uh... the security guards talking to tony
and tony's like yeah uh...
that's why you your wife's pussy lips last night
he's like jokes on you my wife's been dead for six months
oh yeah rigor mortis said it would make them pussy lips real tight i'm like oh shit
that was great
and then when
thurman tells tony that you got smaller
because he's obviously got taller all that's one of the best uh... small you
got smaller
uh... i didn't poop for two weeks
for four weeks
i love that line i wrote that one down that's so good
oh i guess yeah you're right that's three in this movie not two
i forgot about her
that's three chicks that
willy bone in this movie not two
who's the other one
you got christina hendrix
you got the security guard to get the keys
and the blackjack i didn't poop for two weeks left
oh yeah that's three chicks he got in this movie
does he fuck her in this movie
well he had to have well i don't know when but he
last time you did that i didn't poop for two weeks oh i guess yeah it's implying that they
have fucked yes okay recently probably even
uh... dropping them off at the homeless shelter uh... homeless santa shelter thing
is kinda that's like a fucked up it's fucked up
was that do you think that one santa was a pervert like was a pedophile
is all he did
was turned to billy bob say
stop it you just hear the children away
that sounds like a normal
response rightly right like
hey you are you're scaring everybody away yet
chill do you have scaring all the children away i'm trying to be sent to
hear collect money
or was that supposed to be a confirmation that he was a pervert like
hey scared of fucking kids away
one of those types of the tone of this movie made it feel that way i don't know
i don't know yeah
yeah see that
so i don't know that was a weird that was a weird uh... little moment and then uh...
thurman's in his uniform the whole movie which is great
just doesn't change anything else just in his uniform
uh... the fight scene is very funny with uh...
uh... wait what fight scene
in the second yeah there's a fight scene
uh... between
all between a between tony and uh...
and billy bob would
that's what i thought that they have a
fucked in the security guard chickie jumps on his back and they start having like a
uh... really funny fight it was a little short yeah a little fight but it was very funny
uh... and then
so she kills
so she kills tony cox shoots him
and then really kills of the issue runs his ass over with the van after
and i was like that's it
brutal
unnecessary level of detail that i love
that like of he was in the way of the van
like you know i a lot of random over exactly
uh... that i put although thurman because he got shot
but he was fine
and that uh...
is he got shot the ass was just my butt but tony doesn't die we find out
because he's at the very end getting t-bagged yes i thought he put like i was like
oh shit
he survived
but yet the fact that he's been take the fact that so he was
had a whole instagram dedicated his balls on
that's very funny
but they're getting a back was great as yet and all the little uh... names for it
uh... let the go t the whatever
it was funny
so i gave this movie just a solid c
it's because again our grading system goes from b to to f to w
the reason i give this a b tier for going off of like so i would give this a
three out of five
and the reason being is because i think the writing is definitely a sharp as it
was the first one
the heart is gone
but it's replaced by
some pretty
shit is replaced by kathy bates hearts gods replaced by a fucking
dirty-mouthed
kathy bates which i i like
what's great is that both movies exist
so if i want a little bit more heart and i want billy bob
i can watch the first one
if i want billy bob and kathy bates
be a mean to everybody i can watch the second one and i honestly
you can even forget the second one existed live on that happy ending from
the first one
but i kinda like
this character with the bad santa
you're not gonna
you don't get that like you're
you know what i mean like it's it's
it's just it's
you're not like he doesn't get the good ending
he's a bad dude
why would that why would that bartender chick stay with him
she's way hotter than like like she's any like she's a super hot chick she's
super sweet
she's super kind
yeah you throw up in her lap too many times being drunk
it's enough for anybody
i get it he's a piece of why would he
he never claimed to stop drinking
never claimed to stop being that guy
literally just
i think i turned a corner
yeah but what
how many corners does he have to turn before he gets to back to where he's going
so one of these got a lot of corners he's turned over a new leaf but he's
it's a pile of leaves that's six feet tall you know what i mean well i will say i think
there's a few problems with this movie number one and just the setup of the movie
and we're not that far apart
i think it's very funny
but it does not leave you feeling good the way the first movie does
uh... first of all robbing a charity makes me hate it in the first place why not pick
something everybody hates
what you know that would have made a much
a lot different feeling to the movie
because that first of all tells you that billy bob's just a piece of shit even more
right
the first one you feel like billy bob is there he's like one of those people that
the world has
turned him into this
in this one i get the feeling billy bob is just this i think that's the
difference let me ask you this though
when billy bob in the first movie is sitting and eating a salad
presumably covered in his own piss drunk off his own ass and mom walks up
he's a piece of shit and he goes i'm on my fucking lunch break
you're telling me that
that is that wasn't the society made him that way
he's a jerk
he's an asshole he's just a bad human being
will you become that eventually obviously society makes you a certain
way
you are that way i'm not saying that
do you believe me obviously his mother
growing up in a situation that he grew up in a very bad situation
we can't
there's a ton of people that make it out of bad situations without becoming a
jerk
you can't you know
but even the people
even the people that grew up in the worst situations
like we're talking even i'm talking gang bangers and shit right now
but who need to be gang bangers to survive
still aren't screaming at killed children and shitting themselves in public
and pissing themselves because they're drunk off their ass and can't do anything
at least gang bangers no no i mean this
i'm talking straight thugs out on the street who are robbing people blind
and all this shit maybe even doing the knockout game or whatever
that's bad shit and they're doing evil shit whatever
they like
you would put
like billy bob
that's is that their fault that though or is it to your state societal right
the same thing
you grow up in the group of all i do think you always have a choice i'm not
thinking don't
everyone has a choice everyone has a choice you can go for the best unless
you have a mental illness obviously and you're open the best situations
it's still be a jerk
so i'm not gonna let
i'm not gonna let
this dude's upbringing
make it so that i feel sympathy for him
because
he's had so many times even if
even be like i know that this really should just what was that's what route
that's what the room this movie for me i agree with you
i don't either in the first when you saw him turn the court saw him make the
christmas for the kid you saw him
talking about he's gonna become a counselor when he gets out of jail
the first one had this ending
in this group
line through it that was sweet and made it
i disagree it made he made a change in the first
i disagree with the second one opens with well fuck i didn't mean any of that
well he didn't say that we did it just as you could keep up with it but
that's what i'm saying first off i think the whole him becoming a counselor after
was just a that's just a court-ordered thing
that's not him
though but what i'm saying is that doesn't feel like it's like all the
really like he's talking to a kid to go there you know let me be a counselor for
specialist this doesn't happen again whenever
probably just
the court ordered
counseling you know like i think he is a counselor he's getting counselor whatever
at no point the first movie
even what he's
like yet you're dating a cute chick
and she wants to be all christmasy and she wants to maybe pretend that the kid
that you are
living in that kids house read free
doing anything and make it you know like
what yet maybe
it's easy to lead into a christmas feeling like that but that does not
change what's character
he was a scumbag through through from beginning to end of that movie
i don't think at any point does it change i think that he maybe realizes
a little bit at the end
this that like oh shit
i've been a bad dude
you know a lot of my whole life
okay
well i guess people actually is the one that
tells the cops
in the first minutes
uh... thurman tells the cops
by giving the letter to give him the letter but i'm saying the letter he put
the letters he hated the third only tried to kill himself
uh... actually him trying to kill himself could be
the closest to
the redeemable but for him right because he realizes that he's it
irredeemable piece of shit he should be living right and then what he does is a
little redemption at that point that's when he
beats up the bullies
that is the point that's the turning point i know that i said that i wish
that it would be a little more violent but what
is the turning point
so you're saying you're rooting for this guy now because he went and beat the shit out of
some thirteen-year-old kid well actually that's what you said i know i'm reversing it
but what i'm saying is because like i'm looking at this like
he's a piece of shit
i'm just okay with that i'm okay with it because it's a funny mess it's like
funny mess walking around
you don't like the redemption art is what you're saying i don't think he redeems himself
i don't think there is a redemption art i think that they
play with the idea of a redemption art
but i think he's too much of a scumbag that's why i think with number two starts
it's a perfect beginning
because it's literally him just going guess what
i am a fucking scumbag
and nothing i've done is like it's not going to get any better from here on out
yeah
the first promise you get from bad santa one is a santa
puking his guts out
in the fucking alleyway
after uh... just beat you know and that's what you get
both bad santas
he never stops drinking
he never cleans up his act
he's always a disgust
you're basically saying i need to be more cynical
what do you mean? that's a cynical viewpoint that people don't change
that's a cynical viewpoint i think people can absolutely change
and at the end of one they were trying to show you that he was trying to change
they did try to show that that's just absolutely a fact about one
there's there's no doubt that in one
now does that mean changing into
pillar of society top of the no it doesn't he's still a piece of shit
but he's not
as much of a piece of shit
you know what i'm saying it's not it's not saying that that oh he goes from
here to being like
saving all the children it's not that you know what i'll tell you
coming from a piece of shit
because i'm one of those scummy kind of guys and
i will tell you right now that you like to pretend to be anyway
i'm not really a nice guy if you hear most of the words coming out of my mouth
they're mostly negative and they're mostly mean and they're intended to hurt people
for comedic value
oftentimes but
i'll easily fall into a trap of
you know like oh pretty girl
you know like like even if it's like oh pretty girl likes hiking
i don't like hiking
pretty girl likes christmas now i like christmas is the vibe i got
he's a piece of shit
he finds a hot piece of ass
that is sweet on him and wants to spend more time with him that he's typically
used to because he's typically just fucking prostitutes and stuff
which again think about this every time he had unprotected sex with her
he's spreading diseases
he never
like every sweet moment in that movie there's a backdrop of
he's a piece of shit
you gotta realize she was a little bit too
so you're you're acting like she was some sweet innocent thing i don't think she's a sweet innocent thing
she was not either
no no she wants to fuck santa like yeah i get it yeah yeah she was into it
but all i'm saying for
i'm talking about from his perspective is like he's got a hot piece of ass who wants to
do the whole mom christmas thing because
she wasn't anticipating it but she loves kids and now she meets a guy that she's
into who has this kind of like adopted son for a little bit
she's into it she really so she because she's into it you think he's taking
advantage of all that i think he's falling for the spell
of a beautiful woman
okay i think that
i don't think that's very humanizing it is i don't think that he
i don't think his nature changes
i think at the end
i think having a near-death experience
coming face to face with the police
being caught
having that be
sent to prison for the rest of his life
and not dying from being shot eight times
and be sober for the first time in a long time for being in the hospital in
prison
i would say
all of those things right
could be very much what you see when an addict leaves the
leaves a drug rehab for the first time which is the
the near of change where it's like that but you know what all it is it's not a
change eighty percent of them go back it's not a change
it's just
you're waiting until the until you can get back into your habits it's like
you'll fall in and i do agree with you that that's eighty percent true
but you've got
he could have been the twenty percent
no and i'll say this though
because the twenty percent that do make it out
are not
pissing themselves in public
like the fact that he's literally sitting in a sand chair
pissing himself
half near fucking uh...
near like it like passed out this
such a level
of disgusting nature all i will say that is read that shepard's book
well okay i could see
is that shepard was that's it he was that level
bro i could see
getting so drunk that they're shitting themselves and pissing themselves in
public state right
i would imagine
that even those people whether doing it are p
assholes to people
now re-deck shepard's book was he use with all yet he was he was
listen if you took
bad santa and back shepard at that point in his life
they'd be so close to the same person it's amazing
okay so that he made it up but i would say that twenty percent of the time
i think well we twenty percent make it i would say eighty percent
i think we added the factor of
are they scumbags
because look you could be i i i was on words that's what he was a scumbag
then i think that that the percentage of the percentage of scumbags
who are probably only five that is exactly what i said
i've seen that shepard is he still an asshole
not at all that's but that doesn't make sense because it's not the alcohol drugs
and alcohol drugs to it was drugs to but the alcohol drugs is it what's making
billy bob thorton in bad santa a bad person
he is an alcoholic he will be don't know if he does drugs he doesn't really do
much sure it but it's really good
but the alcohol is not what makes of a bad person
more of an asshole what he sober
or what he sober or so think about that's like
when he's drunk yet he's just sort of doing is no any alcoholics
most of our assholes when they're sober
because they're in like pain or what it's like it's like a reaction it's it's
literally true
most of them are assholes when they're sober
and then they get that half drunk and they're nice and then they get overly
drunk at their assholes
but my point was proven
by the second movie
that yes thirty years later i agree
were that i run it for me that's where i want your you're making my point i
agree with you
i just think that you had
i think that
it ruined
the first movies feeling
that's not a bad thing i would i just don't think there were fed up with it
and i think had i seen it thirteen years later
it might not have
yeah i just think there's feelings of the first book
i don't think there was any like there was like that's what i meant by cynical
yeah there might have been a bit of a touching moment here there
like the the the the the the wooded pickle part the first movie it's just
like that's just sweet because
it's a kid who cut himself trying to make it
did you think in the second movie when he brought the pink elephant out and told the story
and he still had the pink elephant with the blood on it that was kind of sweet
yeah but except
no i don't really think it was that sweet
his now
again with so in the first movie
you really aren't thinking about how fucked up there is
so dot like he's not a bad person
but he's
really so what back about the yeah but like he's
but he needs
help like he needs for like
he needs professional professional but he needs something
that he's not getting right
so really the second movie
that's what i started he wasn't getting it's in the first movie obviously that
was the whole
i feel
i feel sad for thurman in this movie
the second movie yeah
which is i think a good character development for him
because i don't want happy endings in bad santa
i don't need there to be one i want it to be
where now the relationship between
uh...
billy bob and his mom is worse than it's ever been
uh... that thurman
he
had a miserable time the whole time but then like at the end found his silver
lighting that's what they're doing what would your three plot be
just read it they had you go
if you want to continue getting worse
oh no they're actually murder people the third one no no the third one would be
obviously billy bob just even more
uh... fucking drunk
uh... in a national right but like
thurman would have to
be like in itself or something online
like you have to you would have to fall for
the online rhetoric of of itself culture and all that stuff so he's like
you probably just spew hate speech without realizing that hate speech
because that's just what he sees online
i could see him falling for that
and i think and then billy bob is the easter bunny
well you have to keep santa
well no i just think it's funny because it'll end it he actually says what are you
doing what are you doing off the street
well six months from now i'm unemployed for six months you could open with an easter bunny
with an easter bunny outfit
yeah uh... where he's just fucking covered in shit
they actually need to show him shit himself in the third one
they they show him pee himself they imply that he shit himself
they need to show shit stains on the suit
like him shitting himself violently
like you know
you know what i'm talking about
you just want to keep stacking bad
yeah well i need him to die
in one of them
finally in the end if they're going to do a third one in the twenties or thirties or
whatever i need them to kill them
how about
thurman kills him
thurman could kill him
because uh... like in a
in one of those like mice and men situations or he uh...
no the big guy dies
oh well okay sorry
if i'm implying that billy bob's the rabbits i guess
uh... because
well doesn't the no it doesn't the big guy kill a girl by hugging her kill
someone
yet so
billy bob would be
the girl or the rabbits that that
whatever the
letty kills and then
and then
yet that's the what i was a vibing not
or be the other way around billy bob has to shoot her because he's
he kills some girls they just work
so i don't know if they shoot them
you know they just never do another movie will buy great is a d is it's not
obviously it's not it's worth watching
but i really wish i'd spent some time between the two of them and not watch
them back but i wish you had to
but called right now
we're gonna get his opinion
so everybody
all tight
but have you
yeah
ladies and gentlemen with us as always is predenton and and and and and and and
and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and
ship the up to boston
all right so give us your thoughts on that
They're fun, great movies.
Definitely silly.
First one is much better.
Thurman is kind of an interesting character in two.
Definitely a lot of similarities with Andy.
With me?
Do you say with me?
Explain yourself.
He was Tetsu.
He's top of the spectrum.
Oh my God.
You fucking dick.
I did think that a little bit too while I was watching it.
Yeah.
What are you grading?
Yeah, they're both great.
Both great movies, both silly.
Billy Bob Thornton is always a great scumbag character.
Plays it really well.
Do you give it a grade?
First one I would give,
first one is with solid B.
I would say the second one is probably like a C plus.
Oh, okay.
So you had the highest grade of both
because we both went B minus for the first one
and I went with a C,
Mike went with a D for the second one.
So you went B and a C plus.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, those were my grades on it.
What was the,
what was, what did we argue?
So I guess the thing that Mike and I have been arguing about
is he says that the first movie had heart
and that the second movie removed that heart
and replaced it with just meanness and Kathy Bates
and just.
Kathy Bates, yeah.
And I am saying that at no point does the movie lie to you
and say that Billy Bob is, the movies,
and say that he's anything other than an irredeemable
piece of shit.
And I think that that,
okay, go ahead.
I thought the second one,
I think is kind of where he's starting to kind of have
a little bit of remorse towards the end.
When, like the part that kind of always gets me
just a little bit is when Thurman spots him at the play,
you know, when he's singing in the choir
and he spots him up the top
and he lights up like a Christmas tree and it's like,
yeah, that's how it is with your kids.
When you go to their stuff, they're looking for you
the entire time.
As soon as they see you, they light up.
And that part, I mean, that part was kind of emotional
for me, I guess.
Okay.
But. Yeah.
Does that, just standing in an auditorium
for a couple of minutes.
No, it doesn't really make you redeemable, that's true.
He's still a piece of trash.
Yeah, like, I just, I'm looking at like the scales
of Liberty, you know, like in my mind,
thinking of one of those scales that has the,
on each side and its ways.
And I look at all of the shit that he does bad
versus the, what?
He got him a pink elephant and.
Yeah, and he stuck the stocking at the end with trash.
He did stock, yeah.
He did stock the stuffing with trash with the,
did he stuff the.
Broken candy cane.
Let's say it's the stuffing.
Band-aid, a used band-aid.
Yeah, the band-aid.
He just baited on throwing it in and then throws it in.
Yeah.
The grandma's stocking was,
you pulling them off grandma's feet.
Yeah, that was great.
Oh, that was great.
Yeah, the first one, yeah, that was great.
Grandma was definitely one of my favorite characters
in the first one.
Yeah, she's wonderful.
Yeah.
I'll make you some sandwiches.
Yeah.
No, if you have any older relatives,
you definitely have moments like that on holidays
when they're just passed out and you're like,
ah, are they okay?
Hell, that was me a few days ago.
A few days ago.
Oh no.
Yeah.
Well, cool, thank you, Brandon, appreciate it.
We're about to wrap this thing up.
Wish I could be there with you guys,
but I didn't want to get you guys sick too.
Yeah, I appreciate it.
Because I have a show tonight,
so I would have been real pissed.
Yeah.
But now everyone.
Yeah, I would have sucked, exactly.
There's been so much sickness around me.
Like literally, all of you have been sick,
the girls have been sick.
My buddy texted me, he's just like, hey,
just rate him, he's like, hey, you feeling okay?
And I was like, oh.
And I got confused, I was like, what?
Yeah, about what?
Did something happen?
He's like, well no, everyone's getting sick.
Are you sick?
I was like, oh no, no, I'm all right.
So hopefully, so hopefully I don't get sick.
I don't get sick.
It avoids you.
Yeah, it avoids you.
I hope so.
But cool.
It's not fun.
Appreciate it, man.
Yeah, no worries.
Well, enjoy your day off of not having to go to work
because you're sick, but then also at the same time,
you're sick, so I don't know how you're gonna enjoy it.
What the hell is it with me,
I was getting sick on my days off?
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I started getting sick on my days off,
and then I pushed it as long as I could,
and today I was just like, no, I can't.
Yeah.
Well, we appreciate you taking the time
to say it to the phone and give us your rating, as always.
No worries, you guys have a good day.
All right, give it up everybody for Brendan,
Dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt-shipley up to Boston.
Yay.
All right, good night everybody.
All right, good night.
All right, cool.
So it ends up B and C, which is about right,
I'd say, for those two movies.
Yeah, B and C.
So B for the first one, C for the second one.
I think Brendan and I both like the second one
a little bit better than Mike.
And I think it's because you were maybe anticipating
something a little bit closer to the vibe of the first one,
which I get.
Yeah.
But I feel like.
It's still not bad.
Yeah, I like, but I like.
A D's a C on our scale, so it's not like it's bad.
It's just not.
I like when a movie does the logical.
You like a sequel to have more and more and more.
I like a sequel to be a realistic follow-up.
Yeah.
That's what I like.
Yeah.
I kind of like Independence Day 2
because of the fact that it's like,
yeah, the aliens would come back
after their failed first attempt
and they would be better suited.
So would we, because we would have taken the technology
that we found and we would have some cool shit by them.
Also, we don't need, what is the son of Will Smith?
But not Will Smith's son, but Will Smith's character.
Okay, we'll go ahead and answer that.
Ashton, sorry if you're listening to this, Ashton,
why I didn't answer your phone
in the middle of the podcast, but she's,
oh my God, is she gonna ask me to come into work?
Would be my guess.
That's not happening, sorry, I got a show tonight.
But yeah, I like a sequel that takes the time
to take the established,
like what made the first,
this feels like a sequel to the first one.
And it's like, and that's what some movies
don't pull off well.
Like some movies, they are just cash grabs.
This didn't feel like a cash grab to me.
This didn't feel like, oh, we can make some-
Well, it's a good thing,
because it was not a cash grab.
The first one made 84 million and this made 26 million.
Now then maybe there will be a third.
But yeah, I just honestly,
it felt like the people involved especially,
like you know what it felt like?
Kathy Bates was like, I could be a dirty grandma
for this one, please let me.
And she went all out, put the tattoos on me,
give me one of those short haircuts, you know, like-
She went nuts, yeah.
Love it.
She did great.
Billy Bob, again, he was delivering his lines masterfully,
but I'll tell you, this,
and maybe that's why I didn't give it a beat,
because maybe underneath it all,
it's like Billy Bob has perfected the,
being a jerk character like Brendan just said,
so much that now it feels put on.
So it's like before, it almost felt like just,
they got a guy.
This was early Billy Bob, yeah.
They just got a guy and he was like, yeah, I'm good.
But it was a showcase of what he could do.
But because of that, everyone used him
for those types of roles,
where it's just like, we're gonna have you be that guy.
Because prior to this movie,
he would play some interesting roles,
like he had that,
what was it, the two guys that find some money
and then they have to keep it,
keep it, they're trying to find ways to keep it.
He looks interesting in that one.
He's got like the long hair, the glasses,
but anyway, it's just interesting,
the career that he's had,
and the change that this movie made in it.
Because prior to this movie,
he was not the guy that you would associate with,
like the founder of the movie.
Like the foul-mouthed comedic guy,
like in a comedic role.
But now you can't, now it's like,
oh shit, we know exactly where you can put Billy Bob Thornton.
And I've looked on his IMDB,
he's often just Billy Bob Thornton in things.
People hire him just to be himself.
Just to be himself.
On a lot of things, like cartoons,
like the Harley Quinn animated series
has Billy Bob Thornton in it, as himself.
So anyway, that's our ratings for
Bad Santa 1 and 2, it's a B and a C respectively.
And we will move on to next week's movie.
And that is gonna be actually our season three finale.
And it's Christmas time, it's the end of the year,
and it's the one thing that you know we're gonna do now,
traditionally and annually, as long as we can.
And that of course is gonna be another Die Hard movie.
We did Die Hard 1 last year, we're gonna do Die Hard,
Die Harder this year, which is the sequel.
And then you could leave it up to your imagination,
we're gonna go from there.
But I promise you that if we make it,
if this show persists and we get new subscribers
every now and then, that I will eventually cover,
well, if we run out of Die Hard movies,
I'll do the Die Hard video game as a,
and we'll do a review of that.
I'll make them watch a long play of me playing.
We'll play, yeah.
Yeah, we'll all play it.
The really cool arcade-y, shoot-em-up kind of Die Hard game.
So with that, we're gonna move on to a much quieter,
more subdued, because the first one you did
that I deleted was aggressive.
So it's now time for recreational recommendations.
Peep-oo.
Oh, really?
I asked for it, didn't I?
You did.
Okay, so I really didn't have much this week.
This week, the first 20 minutes or so of Indiana Jones
and the Great Circle, which is a new game
that comes out on Monday, but I have the early edition,
I was able to play a little bit, is very cool.
It's the, I don't wanna ruin it for anybody
who hasn't played it, but if you want a high-quality,
immersive Indiana Jones video game, it's the way to go.
Really fun, super fun.
And also, I watched the first half of Dear Santa,
and I like it so far.
So, the Jack Black movie, so I'm gonna recommend that
based on what I've seen so far.
And that's all I have this week.
How about you, Mike?
Well, as you know, I have nothing this week,
because I was sick all week.
But I got, I have not watched any television.
I will say, I've watched a lot of television,
but I have no idea what it was,
because it was all on NyQuil.
Okay. I have no idea.
Did you make any Roseanne-level racist tweets
while on your sleeping pills?
I have no idea what I've done.
I couldn't tell you what I've said, what I've done.
I know this, that I went to Walmart,
I got some apple cider, the hot kind,
the kind you mix with hot water.
Okay.
And then I put a bunch of rum in that,
and then I drank a bunch of NyQuil.
Oh, is that a hot toddy,
or are you just an alcoholic at this point?
I think that's kind of a hot toddy.
Is that what a hot toddy is?
I think it's like a poor man's hot toddy.
That just sounds like alcohol on NyQuil.
That sounds like a suicide attempt.
Yeah, what not?
It sounds a bit like a suicide attempt.
I was not bad-santoning it.
I was just like...
Damn.
Trying to survive that cold.
It's one of the worst colds I've ever had.
Shit, I hope you don't start to take this.
Three days.
But no, I'm not now.
I'm all stuffed up, fuck.
No, I'm over it now, basically,
but it was pretty rough, still a little bit in the chest,
coughing, you know, but no fever, no nothing anymore.
But it's a pretty bad cold.
Yeah.
Is COVID back?
We're just not talking about it?
We're just not talking about it.
You just don't test anymore.
No one tests anymore.
It's just, is COVID back in a big way?
It could be, yeah.
Are we all dying?
No.
Shit.
No, it's not gonna kill you, but it's...
Because COVID skipped me.
Yeah, me too, I never got COVID.
Yeah, so that was, yeah.
But that's because I got, you know, the shot.
Yeah, but it was also because I wore my mask,
I wore my face mask everywhere.
Well, I don't know if that did anything.
Who knows?
Who knows, who knows anything?
Yeah.
But I know that I didn't get it, so.
All right, well, fuck it.
Mike doesn't have a rec rec other than Don't Get Sick.
Yeah, Don't Get Sick.
Mine is to play the super mega popular game
that just released on Game Pass.
By the time you listen to this,
it'll have already released.
I'm sure it's gotten great reviews.
Paying two.
Skype is, oh, the Indiana Jones one.
Indiana Jones and the Great Circle.
Yeah.
Cool, so with that, I think we're gonna wrap this up
and wish everybody a Merry Christmas.
This is gonna be our last Christmas-centric episode,
regular episode, until you start listening to,
well, wait, hold on, one, two, actually, by this point,
we're right in the middle of.
No, you're in it, yeah, we're in the middle of, yeah.
We're in the middle of our eight crazy nights
of holiday fun and Christmas,
and not really Hanukkah or Kwanzaa,
although they mentioned Kwanzaa in this movie.
But Boxing Day.
But we also have a Boxing Day sort of thing in there, too.
But anyway, there's a bunch of little reviews
that we've done, all Christmas movies,
so pay attention to that.
It's gonna start, it's already started
by the time this came out,
so it'll continue until Christmas Day.
And the day after, a little present, a little lost media
where me and one other co-host, I won't mention who,
but da da da da da da da.
And we review a movie that might or might not
have something to do with eight crazy nights of something.
Fuck it, it's the, we reviewed,
Brennan and I did Adam Sandler's eight crazy nights.
What, where's our actual episode of eight crazy nights?
Were you not there for that one?
I was there.
Oh shit, I forgot.
It's been so long since I've heard the episode,
I thought it was just to Brennan.
Do you actually have it now?
I just got it.
Okay.
Yeah.
I got it sent to me.
It doesn't matter, this is podcast stuff.
Everybody have a, oh, with me as always
for the Fried Rice podcast is Michael.
I think since I've known him, he's gotten,
he's dialed it up to 11 of his vulgarity,
if we're being perfectly honest.
Larsen.
It's Cellios, motherfucker.
It's not, it never will be.
And I'm Andy Rice.
At least one more week.
I'm Andy Rice.
This is Fried Rice podcast.
Thank you so much for joining us.
You know, we've been podcast, we've been rice,
chromosomes controller is in alla!
we've been fried.
You have been the audience.