р
yeah
damned I'd
that's the opening to the Buffy sound track motherfuckers if you guys are so
confused from the show, but you wouldn't know that because you watched the movie.
Welcome everybody to another exciting episode of Fried Rice Podcast. I'm your host, Andy Rice.
Let's get fried with me. As always is Austin came. He drove from Sunnydale, California,
which is about three and a half hours from here to be here. Barrel. Check me out on Google+.
It's Michael. I put a stake in his heart about a week ago and he's still not dead. He's still
E. Oh, E. Ah, Cellios motherfucker. Larsen. Don't scream into the mic. And with us is always,
it's another nitpick. Someone can clip on me being neurotic. And with us is always, it is Brennan.
And I'm gonna go to Boston.
Hello everybody. I like how we all tack on later. Yeah. It's like, you don't know what's coming
until I'm doing it. Sometimes it's a totally different song. Well, not in a regular episode.
Anyway, everybody welcome. First off at the top, let's talk about what's coming up. Please go
check out our YouTube channel. We're putting up some new content up there every week, sometimes
every day, depending on their holiday season. And we're doing some new video stuff. So if you
want to see what we look like, instead of just what we sound like, go check out our YouTube channel,
Fried Rice Podcast, check out our website, www. That stands for world web dot. That's a period.
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call. Please call that number. It'll go directly to a voicemail. I'm not going to ring. I put this in
every single description of every episode. At the very bottom, it'll say, Andy's not sitting at home
like it's the 90s with one of those phones with a long cord and he's just sitting there and he's
waiting for you to call. No, I don't. I'm going to. I sometimes check the voicemail. You know what
I mean? Like, so don't you just leave one and we'll get to it and we'll play it and it'll be great.
You can tell us what to review, what to read for book review, whatever you want. Tell us you fucking
hate us. Tell you, you love us. Name a favorite. I love seeing my minions fight amongst themselves.
So if you want to see who should be my second in command out of these three, like, yeah, please
show some favoritism. Also, Austin Farrell and myself, Andy Rice are part of the comedy troupe,
Mojave Comedy. We make laughs locally. You could check us out at mojavecomedy.com. That's a real
website by a real dude that our guy paid real money for and it looks great. It has all of our
shows on there. Check us out on Facebook, Mojave Comedy, which is also a great way to find our
events. A few of them coming up soon. Tomorrow, you can check us out at Red Dog Saloon. That's
November 2nd. If you're listening to this, the day that this came out and that is in Needles,
California. On the fifth, which is a Tuesday, I won't be there, but you can check out Austin
and Axel or sorry, Alex, Alex Ansel, I said Axel, but Alex Ansel at the lighthouse,
laughs at the lighthouse at the lighthouse lounge in Havasu. You can check us all out at the
Bullhead Bell, which is like a restaurant on the November 15th at 7 PM. And then the big one,
I would say probably one of our biggest ones is laughs on the lake at the Heat Hotel in Havasu.
So if you're looking for a reason to get out to Havasu, November 16th, it's a Saturday, starts at
8 PM. It's a huge cool crowd. It's fucking awesome. It's a great hotel. You can probably book yourself
a room. They have a fun bar. We'll all be there. We'll be having a great time. And yeah, so that's
all our events. Check us out. Let's get into it. What are we smoking? And that was it right at 420
when I said that those could have timed that more perfectly. I am packing Alien Labs OZ Kush. It's
what I've been packing. I like the way it tastes. I like the way it smokes. But then later I brought
you haven't had this one yet. It was on discount at Story. So it's called Pax. And it's got a fun
little jar. But what makes this interesting is the flavor is black cherry gelato. Notice he didn't
say good. He said interesting. Just remember that. But it's black cherry gelato with the camel crush
technology of a ball that you pop that adds a strawberry vanilla. That's cool. So start it and
then pop it. Yeah, that's what I did last time. And so we'll see. What I used to do with camel
crush is I'd smoke half of it regular and then pop it. That's exactly what I said. That's it. So if
you listen to anyone who smokes camel crush, that's what you do. That's what it looks like.
That's cool. What did you bring? I also decided to go try Story cannabis for the first time.
Sorry, distracted you with that cool bottle. And I decided to get toasted XXXL 5 gram
8 premium indoor flour. Blue widow. It's been pretty tasty. It's pretty good. It's in the
barn right now. And then I also got a free pre roll couple free pre rolls and a free eight for buying a
bunch of shit. Yeah, me too. This one is a watermelon gushers. Ooh, that sounds good.
Well, we got to get off this bong. So that is the what are we smoking and always it's basically
just Brandon and I Mike has his own way of getting high. He does edibles before coming here. He's got
a heart condition so he can't smoke as much. Are those edibles kicking in Mike? They kicked in
about halfway through the who episode. You didn't notice that. Was that really the Buffy sound? I
thought you were doing Godzilla at the beginning. He goes down down down down. That's Godzilla.
There's a then there's a I mean, I listen to it all the time. I have it on several plays
playlists because it gets me pumped when you hear the Buffy sound. It's a it's a banging like really good.
It's what you put on after you drink your capital of GHB and start to go to town.
Yeah, we can't keep making references to episodes that are coming out several months from now.
So the movie that we watched this week was Buffy the Vampire Slayer 1992 and I believe it was
written by Joss Whedon but not directed by him and that was I think the difference. It makes a
big old difference because I forgot who I didn't write down who was directed by but the oh no,
I think it's the same guy that directed Mannequin 2 on the move if I'm not mistaken. I know that she
stars in it. Rusty Swanson stars in that also. Mannequin 2 starring Bob Polarski. Yeah, starring our
friend Robert Polarski. Yeah. So if you're familiar with Buffy the Vampire Slayer the TV show and you
did not know that there was a movie there's a movie that came out five years before the TV show
aired. This movie stars a different actress, Rusty Swanson instead of Sarah Michelle Geller.
It's a different school. The school that they are at in this one is
my good fucking lord is that. Those are my notes. How many pages in those? Three, four. Four pages.
Four pages. We're gonna keep this short though. Yeah, we're gonna try to make it quicker. Yeah,
no, we'll be quick. She's at a she's at Hemory High School this one. She's also a senior in high
school. In the show she's a sophomore. Now that we've all seen the movie I can say that the first
thing that her principal the opening of the show basically it not the actual opening where we meet
one of the vampire chicks that becomes prevalent later but we when we meet Buffy she goes into
school her principal's there and he's looking over her transcript he's like looks like you burn down
your gymnasium at your last school there was a bunch of stuff and she's like well I didn't
you know it wasn't really all me and like and she's trying to like whatever you can do to
her she's trying to like whatever he's like so how about we just don't have how about we don't have
any of these issues here moving forward that'd be great because he's a nice principal Flutie was a
nice principal when he died something happens to him sorry I'm not trying to ruin the show if you
haven't seen it uh when we get principal Snyder he wait when did the show come out he's trying
to spoil 20 year old stuff 19 something 1997 and when did it end 2000 and well seven years
after that so okay so go ahead and ruin it okay fine anyone who's gonna see Buffy has seen Buffy
I got you so when the when we get the new principal we're gonna ruin it for maybe two people that are
like oh Buffy that show sounds awesome I'm gonna watch it for the first time well I hope I can
and that's gonna be not me so I don't care well don't start him with this movie well okay well
yeah this is actually I would say for the most part if you're gonna watch Buffy it actually works
better as watch the show watch this as an artifact of what could have been because the show more more
serious than the movie because I felt the movie was it was kind of hard to tell if it's supposed
to be comedy or not well the show is the movie is 100 a comedy okay it is a very very funny comedy
yeah like this isn't me battlefield earthing it this is legitimate that's too many varies that's
way too many varies it's it's got funny moments yeah it's not yeah it's like Paul Rubin's death
okay wait wait wait no we're not we're not getting into it just yet I'm not done with the backstory
of Buffy let me just finish my point this is a sexploitation film yeah that's a very like polite
like kind of more wrapped up sexploitation not so blatant yeah I mean if you're if you're saying
that it gives off vibes of like from dust till dawn or bordello of blood those kind of like
cheesy sort of vampires that's an 100 intentional uh but that's but here's the thing Joss Whedon
who this is his creation he wrote this script it didn't work out the way he wanted it to be
because he didn't direct it when he had free reign over the show five years later
the tone of the show is much more serious it is a drama with funny moments sprinkled in and
light-hearted stuff throughout uh there's a musical episode there's a there's like a but they have a
character who all he does is wisecrack right but shit hits the fan a lot in that show where they
have to buckle down to be serious there's deaths there's drama it's like it's but it's also teen
drama so it doesn't go too far into the into the dark you know there's some there's some episodes
that are fairly dark but it's like okay my wife who loves buffy my wife who loves buffy like you do
hates this movie that she doesn't love buffy like i do no because you you're loving it for
you're loving this movie based on how you feel about the show i like no actually parts of her
because okay even joss weeden says this show this movie sucks because he didn't get to do it they
changed it the studio changed into a comedy it was never supposed to be a he didn't pull a quentin
turrentino and write final draft on every page of the copy so and i've read that josh weeden doesn't
even like this but i've i've read that and that's fine yeah because it's not a joss weeden i get
that i can understand joss weeden being like i don't like this movie because it didn't work the
way i wanted it to it's not the boy i tried to make as a joss weeden collaboration with a director
and a producer's involvement it's still to me a phenomenal comedy that sets up what buffy could
have been if they went down a comedic route and i don't think that's the way they should have gone
but the way i view this movie and it has to be viewed this way because of the inconsistencies of
her age and and her parents being different people and different actresses is that this is a
multiverse situation we have to address it as the movie was a multiverse buffy because there's a few
glaring things like for instance um the watchers so in this movie we have merrick the watcher and
it shows clearly that he's been her watcher for centuries and every time she uh there's a new
slayer it's always christy swanson it looks like uh to varying degrees uh and it's always him the
chosen one and he raises her but she has different sensibilities of the time so she's not necessarily
the same person but it looks like she's christy swanson at least for that one flashback in the
show which is the way that we didn't really want it to be is that there's a watcher council there
are hundreds of watchers there are thousands of girls in the world that could potentially be a
slayer once the slayer dies so if so presumably and i don't know why we never really get this in the
show which is which is crazy i don't is there only one slayer there's only one slayer at a time
so the slayer dies a new slayer is born uh not born but like a new slayer so a girl a teen girl
who's out there one of potentially thousands will get the power of the slayer and hopefully
she has a watcher so like um like there's there's a uh in buffy again spoilers so sorry guys but in
the show the first season she gets drowned for about a minute dies and then gets resurrected so
during that death a uh african chick named um uh oh god what's her name i just forgot it uh but
anyway she uh she becomes the slayer so two slayers so it's buffy and her kendra her and kendra so
buffy and kendra become dual slayers spoilers again when kendra dies we get faith and faith is
played by elijah dusku and she's the main other slayer so because buffy came back then too yes
she survived exactly and so faith is a slay is a chick who the council never found so faith grew
up in a foster system like got lost in the shuffle of all that had a bad upbringing can't trust people
now she gets a bunch of superpowers and they're trying so they had to bring in another watcher
for her so like uh buffy has a watcher giles but then they brought in wesley who's a different
watcher to be faith's watcher so like there's enough watchers there's a watcher council they
test buffy like at one point they show up and they like pull tests on her like they get they give her
a potion that gets sort of the black panther treatment they take away her power and then
have her fight some vampire and if she dies it's like she's not supposed to be the slayer but if
she lives you know like and she beats a vampire straight up on her own then like it's worth it
so the lore of the of buffy and the lore of the watcher all of that is so compelling we don't get
the angel story in this and angels whole thing is fucking super fascinating he's a vampire
the worst vampire where his name was angelus he was just a normal guy became a vampire and then
for several hundred years he came up with the worst possible tortures he could think of for
just people like when when he becomes angelus again in the real timeline in like real like in
buffy's timeline after being good which i'll explain in a second he takes giles girlfriend
he kills her and she was a main character at this point like people really loved her
he puts her dead body up in the bed and then he lays rose petals down so and candles so when
the jiles gets home he like opens it up he's like oh this is sweet and he like walks up and then
gets in bed with his like dead fucking girlfriend and that's just the kind of fun that angel or
angelus played so he and jealous makes the mistake of killing a gypsy girl who everyone loved and that
gypsy girl's uh uh family put a curse on him and the curse was to give him his soul back so now
he can remember every vicious thing he's ever done and he has the consciousness and the soul
to to feel the like regret and like shame that that would bring and guilt so he is just a fucking
wreck after that point he lives in the sewers he doesn't kill any more people he eats rats he's
like fucking he just hates himself and then he sees buffy and it kind of brings him out of his
funk a little bit and they start uh romance together and so it's buffy the vampire slayer
with a vampire with a soul is her boyfriend so makes this kind of beautiful relationship
yeah so then eventually he gets uh he they break up and he goes to los angeles and he starts it's
angel has his own show and uh that is my favorite of the two that were i know i talk about buffy a
lot and the reason i don't talk about angel more is because you need to know a lot about buffy to
get into it i'm trying to prep you guys for you know i never knew you're this passionate about
buffy oh yeah yeah uh so okay and anyway uh that's uh josh weeden also did dr horrible single on
blog josh weeden's great that's what surprised me so much about me not liking this movie and i
but which is weird because the dialogue in this is so good a lot of it is and a lot of it's really
it's very campy and it's not good it's campy well let's get into it campy aren't really the same
thing well wait hold on rocky horror picture show people would argue that the camp of it makes it
good right there are movies that because of the camp it makes it good i would argue that buffy's
on the same level as a rocky horror as a what's that movie about the plant audrey that gets big
and eats people little shop of horrors do you think this compares to little shop of horrors honestly
yeah yeah 100 it's a it it's a homage to vampire movies in a very deliberately uh
uh exploitation style like vibe like i think it's like modern valley girl like kind of like campy
it does have the valley campy it's very yeah but all of that is so over the top on purpose
yeah it's like it's just like clueless alicia's like the are you sure it's on purpose because
yeah that's not what josh weeden thinks it's like you think the exact opposite of what josh
weeden does which is so weird to me because you know be as big a buffy fan as you are yeah that's
why it's strange because you're such a big what about 90 percent of if you go talk to buffy fans
most of them hate this movie okay it's just the way it is that sounds that sounds like they're
they're letting the show influence that i think so because they probably mostly saw it before they
saw the movie and it's the same i watched the show before i watched the movie yeah but uh actually i
might have watched the movie i watched the movie first when i was a kid i forgot all about it yeah
absolutely i watched this as a kid i liked it yeah and then i watched the show i think they compared
to the show and it it doesn't hold up compared to the show but again that explains a lot christy
swanson and all those tights showing her tits everywhere you saw this as a kid now you're
buffy life you don't care who plays her yeah that's fun um i could play buffy you'd watch every
episode you just said that right now uh no but here's the thing again sure i maybe joss weeden
didn't like the end result didn't like what they did with his with his with his script or whatever
but i don't care i don't care what joss weeden thinks about this movie joss weeden can hate his
i don't care if people hate their own work if it's if i enjoy it like it's well he just doesn't
consider part of it he doesn't even consider it his work that's the problem they take it so much
okay that it's not his work and that's fine but i'm not gonna let i'm not gonna let that affect
how i feel the director though the director of the movie made a deliberate homage to exploitation
style movies with a great script he got a joss weeden script and he ran with it in a way that i
really liked so if joss weeden had his way we would have had a much more serious tone movie and it
would have been closer to the show and maybe the world would have been ready for it in 1992 and
maybe that's all we would have gotten but instead we get this really fun campy movie that's awesome
in a way that i absolutely love i love every little detail of it and it led to joss weeden
being so upset by it that he got his own show down the line so this is without this we wouldn't have
had the show and if we had had his original one we might not have had the show because he would
have put her as a senior right off the bat so then that gets rid of the entire high school angle of
the show like he would have had and then like so just it doesn't so like who cares what joss
weeden thinks so um yeah uh it's just funny how mad you get well it's it's just like no one disagree
with me no i don't know you could disagree with me all you want i even joss weeden he can disagree
it's his movie right like or he's part like he wrote the script for it and he can absolutely
hate it but like also if you there's a lot of artists like shia la buff hates every movie he's
been in like he doesn't he doesn't like watching it right like i think it is that's like a meme
where it's just like he kind of hates everything he's been in so i should hate those movies now
because it didn't work out the way shia la buff wanted well i think that's more like his childhood
stuff because it reminds him of the traumatic childhood he had okay but even that some weird
guy came into his high school and told him that he has to kill vampires yeah that was that was
pretty creepy it's a little creepy uh shows up in the girl's locker room just like hey yeah that was
like okay this is kind of weird no guy dressed like that can just walk into a high school these
days and then and then he's in the fucking locker room like all right well i guess i guess they knew
what i was thinking now i would uh i i part of me thinks that the reason she doesn't freak out more
is that there's a obviously a history throughout the centuries between slayer and him so i now i
have to operate completely off of movie rules so like a subconscious connection yeah exactly so so
i'm going off of movie rules not buffy vampire uh tv rules because you have to go off of the rules
that are established in the premise that you're watching so this in this world there's one vampire
that wants to like kill her like the lead guy there's a one watcher that gets that's lived for
hundreds of years and then she gets resurrected every time she dies becomes a new slayer and i'm
assuming he has to like wait then 15 16 years to approach her uh like when he finds when he makes
sure because it's like like the dragon balls almost it's like once she dies he has to go find
where the new one is born and then wait for that one to get to age so that he can approach her and
be like you're a vampire slayer so it took him a while to find her i think he said further than
he longer than he would have liked um but he had to make sure that it was her so you're using mike's
logic of it's a movie andy this movie when it suits him just this movie only wait no it's
i go into this world what it's yeah that's i gotta use the movie rules challenging everything he
believes mike yeah i'm not that wasn't me no no no no you're not you're not you're not you're not
following what i'm saying what i'm giving up what i'm saying is when i watch a movie i accept at
face value what the movie's universe is trying to tell me if a movie just opens and a person out of
nowhere just starts levitating and starts flying around the room i don't question it for one second
because the movie is telling me that's what it is but if for some okay it's like with with space
truckers right we had established that they're in space and that gravity sometimes works correctly
but then when it doesn't they break their own in-game universe right so so like in movie
universe so with buffy the vampire slayer 1992 the movie this is the premise we get this is the
lifelong struggle between vampire slayer merrick and the bad vampire okay which i'm okay with that's
not the show it's a completely different premise it's a different uh universe it's a multiverse
sort of thing in my mind so uh i'm okay with that my first note was a nitpick of like wait why is
the watcher the same watcher when it's a watcher council which doesn't yeah now i know uh so
so keifer oh keifer southerland is a vampire in the lost boys and his dad is a watcher in buffy
yeah that's funny i thought that was kind of fun i had that thought i was like cool
uh do you remember oh do you remember dance squads in the gym for like pep rallies and stuff i don't
probably not we had a dance team yeah we had a dance team was like the wolf pack or the wolf
wolf gang or something and it was like a big deal people really liked when the wolf pack or
wolf gang came out there was just a bunch of chicks they were just fucking like dancing shit i hated
pep rallies but uh i thought that was fun it definitely looks like a like a high school
of a 90s high school love the aesthetic now you said that the the uniform that was your wife
said the universe the uniforms she's seen plenty on her years of seeing cheerleaders teacher she's
his mom never seen cheerleaders in whatever those not skirts and not shorts that they had on
whatever those were yeah but i think and we're gonna see a lot in this movie of bold 90s fashion
choices that i think is deliberate yeah talking about the intro because my note for okay not
because it goes in the past i'm like it's just like really quick i'm like oh cool not too long
of an intro next note never mind and then and then they're all talking together these chicks
are annoying and then i go oh wait everyone's annoying yeah it's the 90s and then i got relieved
because i saw oh that's milton from office space yeah yeah for principle uh that was great another
90s term uh yabos must have been very popular in the 90s yeah yabos i put that down from uh uh
i thought that was hocus pocus yeah he says yabos and this oh yeah this bum at the high school has
the riz is what i wrote which bum the one that keeps talking to her and she keeps talking to him
today what the fuck are you doing here get the fuck out of here oh perry uh hillary swank
awesome little valley girl loved it uh buffy's hot in this fucking movie uh the light ages why
did i write that down the light ages l i t e that's so is that probably something related to dark
ages yeah but they but they the reason i wouldn't have spelled it wrong on purpose oh we get
introduced to one of the greatest actors of all time one of the nicest humans of all time
david arquette yes but i refer to him in this movie because he looks all drugged out david
barbituate yeah david arquette's great uh they're like the these girls looked like the plastics
before the plastics were a thing and mean girls like they were i like that they were
girls like they were i like that they walked up to their lunch place and the girls that were there
immediately scrambled like they didn't have to say a word they just walked over they're like shit
and they fucking left uh they totally acted like real teenagers like that is what dumb popular
teenagers would be like yeah it's like they're just like we need an environmentally conscious
like what about litter i like that whole thing where they're trying to figure out the theme for
the dance oh yeah every noise buffy make throughout this entire movie is a sceptic mode oh everything
every especially when she's fighting um anything retraining montage making cereals
making what i said the training montage oh yeah yeah uh i put you the oh ew they show trailers for
foreign movies there let's go to the amc you know they show trailers for foreign movies i thought
they said trailers for porn movies no no they said foreign movies and i watched in my defense i
watched this on a phone hung over in a room i was locked in it wasn't locked with an actual lock it
was locked by my word i was not allowed to leave it might as well have been locked
there uh i had to hoop really bad yeah well you should have asked anthony i'm afraid what i was
gonna walk you're like you were very sincere about me staying in there and i was like what am i going
to see if i walk out of here i was just scared facing the door jerking off until 11 45 yeah he's
like i was like he's like don't come out of that room and i'm like all right well what if i have to
go to the bathroom do i have to back out of the room am i going to see something terrible like
i'm gonna go see reverse goatsie back out of the room should start talking to him under the door
andy i gotta poo yeah i almost at one point about 11 30 was gonna knock on the door and be like
you're free to move around the cabin but then i then i thought no a little bit more privacy
i come out and he's naked he's like just like in the movie this is a naked place
place um andy is an animal someone says that's pretty funny because i'm andy and the character
that's a real perv trying to hit on buffy the whole time is andy uh gargoyle face is pretty funny
he's my he's he's funny the you know uh he's the jock that looks like he's he's a gargoyle
he's like the first jock that died yes turned into a vampire yeah he's got a very prominent
forehead yeah yeah it looks like a pro magnum man was he the one that was like basketball playing
event like yeah he comes out at the end with ben ben uh ben athelic and he plays against him for a
second yeah uh scares him here just take it man i thought that was ben athelic it was he wasn't in
the imdb super young ben accredited yeah uh paul rubin is absolutely delightful in this role he
saves the movie he saves he's so funny he's just so campy over the top i love anytime his interaction
with the master like the master just sticking his hand out so he could get a little kiss and come
back down it's so good ruder paul is is it peewee peewee yeah i couldn't i couldn't see it you couldn't
see it i was like oh paul is peewee in this and i could not find him even the death you couldn't
see it he's the guy that lost his arm right yeah oh wow real dramatically i got i got a dramatically
for i think 30 minutes of the movie i got a steve buchemi vibe from him yeah i got a bill
murray vibe from the head vampire and i got a pete davidson vibe from the one vampire that like
kills the dj yeah oh wait the one that becomes the dj yeah that was the random vampire love that guy
he's just really getting into it um another thing that's a little bit different about this
versus the show is um the uh obviously the budget but the way vampires die is another reason why this
has to take place in a different universe because there's corpses of vampires layered on the flittered
on the floor getting detention getting detention that was great that was great in the show in the
show and this is a very fun detail that you might not pick up on if you watch the show for the first
time season one so when you stab a vampire in the show they dust they turn to dust they poof into
dust i have a theory that it depends on like who they are depends on how long the dusting process
takes because like some vampires you get them and they instantly dust but then like in the show
there's maybe two or three vampires that when stabbed go oh damn and then die they end game is
what my wife said yeah they end game they turn the dust but yeah why aren't they end gaming here's
the the buffy the buffy snap she said why aren't they why aren't they end game yeah
here's the here's the difference uh here's the fun little thing if you watch season one
the graphics that they had weren't good enough to differentiate the steak from the dust so when
buffy dusts a vampire the steak and the vampires will dust every time you get to season two they
figured it out where she dusts and then like i think they even make a point of like she dusts
and let go and the very obviously in the first episode the the steak falls and clings to the
ground it's like it's like we did it we did it okay they were really proud of it it's sound
effect and everything it's slow motion like slow motion fall um okay so uh chip okay Doritos light
what the fuck that's crazy um kiss noise that was fun someone just saying kiss noise a cute little
a cool little part is uh yeah she's talking to her mom mom her mom mom i assume step mom she's in
milton's office talking to him and she spits the tack at the fly i was like that's kind of that was
awesome that's one of my favorites i thought it was gonna look cooler too i was like i see what
she's gonna do she's gonna take the tack spit it at the fly and the way they the way that they
framed that the fly with the tack in it was like didn't look as cool as i thought it was gonna look
it still looks cool uh here's the thing about about buffy's mom it is her mom he see this he was
like it still looks cool the tack fly you could can you give me a little tack fly
no that was this great moment of cinematic history austin what are you talking about
a little tack fly are you making a pun with the words tack and fly right now that i'm not picking
up on is that don't give me any ideas what don't give me any ideas no no i'm just not picking up
did you want more recognition that that you said the words tack fly or that you addressed this was
a cool scene i thought maybe it was just because of you know killing the fly would make this
probably why it's your favorite movie so you're saying the fly thank you that's what i needed i
needed some context i wasn't picking up what you were saying yes holy shit if i could spit a tack
at a fly in this apartment i would be a god i would never leave i'd let them in and i would hunt them
sure is that what we're talking about yeah andy the fly hunter what are we doing i don't know but
yeah thank you yeah see now i got every time someone says tack fly i'm gonna make sure i
acknowledge them um but here's the thing about buffy's mom what the the credits of this movie
the credits of this movie they start going the first credit candy clark as buffy's mom
the and then it just goes there's an entire blank screen and then cast and we get the rest of it
i mean isn't that strange think about that the first credit it is by itself with no other cast
near it it's just candy clark as buffy's mom well that gets a whole ass just by itself scroll
and then cast christy swanson as buffy uh ruder rucker howard the first time and had to tack it
in there it kind of feels that way it's like almost like what what they had to tack fly it
they had to tack fly it and thank you brent for another tack fly reference uh i just thought that
was weird uh i wonder why i don't know the post credit scene was funny too yes more paul rubin
died did you watch the post credit i did not watch that no it cuts back to paul he gets up he goes
oh ah he ah oh and then dies yeah yeah what was up with that what was up with that death i forgot
i didn't write that down well that in this peewees big death he like kicks the wall like shucks and
then apparently in this universe that's you know good acting yeah no no well it was hilarious i
thought it was funny yeah but that's the thing it is like in this universe in this movie yeah
if this was fun i wanted that i loved every time the main the rucker howard vampire was like over
the top super like um like wasn't that some cool imagery when she went down to sleep and he was
right behind her like i know it's like creepy because it's like you know like she's a high
school kid but like think about just the imagery of that like she's fallen asleep and he's it's so
ingrained in her brain kind of i had a little trouble with rucker howard because he was very
he's not who i would have yeah not who i would have chosen if i had any miscast it would be him
as the main guy yeah but that being said i don't think he did bad job i just i wish we had someone
a little bit more to the scenery like if we william defoe yes if we had had william defoe
i made this an entirely different movie to me because if he had because if we had someone that
would just really and some gravitas he just he didn't have the gravitas i like this duality
between you guys and it's mostly been mike but now you got you guys throw this back at each other
now andy gets it's a fucking movie yeah finally there you go it took his favorite movie of all
time you have to know that thursday said you can't do that to me anymore ever again
i did i gave i gave mike a note never do that again in future discourse instantly starts doing
it to me he locked mike in the room for a couple hours i guess i'm wait i still don't feel like i
am saying it's just a movie you started by saying it was you guys are i never say that we said you
gotta stay in the movies world yeah but i would use that for any movie we were talking about if
we were talking about if we were talking about the matrix or whatever i would like i then would just
say i accept everything that this movie's telling me is truth as i'm watching the movie so that's a
bad example because you're all about simulation theory lately well in this simulation theory i
wish i could fucking edit you guys a little bit um whenever we talk about nothing crazy your lives
wouldn't change too much but you would come here with better attitudes the the whole simulation
theory thing is getting to me too now because whenever i think of simulation theory i think of
death stranding and just how like accurate everything is and you're saying like everything's
like a giant game engine that we're in yeah with no glitches and everything and i'm like what do you
mean no glitches glitches all the time deja vu but they're like not being able to remember things
like i feel like that's just we're not good enough npcs that we're full of uh that we have
full memory capabilities i think that's like a ram issue it would explain mandela effects too
yeah mandela effects absolutely um whoville whoville but like i bet you there's a ton of
glitches like uh that we just don't you know that we whatever right like were there two shooters for
jfk which uh if if jesus andy how did we get there uh the worst late 80s early 90s cafe bar ever
those fucking outfits i actually love it i love the the place they go to which which is weird
because i thought it okay so in the regulars in buffy the show the first few the first few seasons
they couldn't decide that buff so it's like all right buffy you're gonna be a sophomore with all
of your friends but then we also really want you to be able to go to a bar so here's the bronze is
what we're gonna call this place and it's a i guess an all ages nightclub uh that they go to
constantly when i was a kid they had those that's what glitch used to be uh it was a place called
it was called plur and then it was called neon and it was like 18 to 18 to 21 no she's like
14 15 years old so we're talking like as a 15 year old girl in the show in the show she goes to
the bronze and the bronze is where they do sexy dancing there's nightclub they have live bands
they you know they're not drinking and i think that we maybe they wear wristbands so they can't
that's what we had we had you had to get a wristband if you could yeah and one side of the bar
it was like a big building and half in one side of it was you could get alcohol on the other side
which is sodas and stuff yeah they would put a permanent marker x on your hand for no oh y'all
had one too yeah for 18 to 21 they were cool yeah well and again in high school in buffy's world
you could be a high school kid um luke perry and david are kept uh who you cannot who you
can't kill david barbituate who david barbituate um dump change on the waitresses uh like thing
and says uh what can we get and she says either two coffees or a hot dog with nothing on it and my
point is who charges for condiments like she makes a point of saying you can have a hot dog with
nothing on it for the amount of money that you gave me but would ketchup cost more who was the
president in this universe i guess it does this is true bush or oh 92 was that clinton clinton
clinton was clinton in 92 i think yeah i like the line where he says kill him a lot
yeah kill him a lot one of my favorite lines was uh after david david barbituate turns into a
vampire and it's like floating outside the window and he's like dude go home you're floating yeah
you had just a little too much yeah great or with the the big showdown and the watchers like she's
She's a pain in the ass.
Yeah.
David Arquette gets the wiener and Perry got the bun.
I don't know what that means, but they split the hot dog.
And I love how natural it was.
So they got the hot dog, picks it up immediately.
One gets the bun, one took the hot,
and then they just start eating.
It was great.
It's like they didn't have to talk over it or anything.
It was kind of like they'd been friends for a long time,
and I got that feeling.
Yabos, Hocus Pocus, we got that.
Hocus Pocus was a year later than this.
So they might have actually gotten Yabos from Buffy.
The plastics, I think, are hilarious together.
Anytime they're talking, I think the dialogue is super funny.
All that Valley Girl stupid bullshit.
Creepy way to introduce himself, Watcher, at the locker room.
Yeah.
And I was like, whoa, Buffy has dreamt in vivid detail
of being an actual slave.
Because he says like, he's like, oh, which one?
Were you a slave in Virginia?
And I was like, whoa, because when she dreams,
she dreams in full vivid detail.
So this chick, as vapid as she is in high school,
has vivid dreams of what the actual life of a slave
was back in the day.
And she doesn't have the, speaking of gravitas,
she doesn't have like the weight of that knowledge
doesn't help her.
God, Anthony.
Austin keeps looking at my fucking notes.
Dude, there's arrows, there's dashes, there's underlines.
I'll go quick.
Do you have any gum?
That was funny.
The action is campy and over the top.
Michael, it's basically slapstick.
The show is better action.
I was actually, when I went to a summer camp as a child,
well, teenager, I was taught combat training
by someone who did combat training,
or did the combat on the show.
On the show.
So we did a Buffy fight, which was pretty cool,
like a sword fight.
That was a lot of fun.
I got to learn that, like the entire fight,
all the way through.
And then it's like the steak actually gets through.
It's bloody.
They die.
The show, it's dust, with or without the steak.
That was my whole point.
You on something?
Look around.
Nope.
Which is great, because he's not on anything.
Like, he's answering yes.
He's like, I'm not on drugs, but I'm also not on anything.
Fight me in.
Which is very funny.
Like, it's so clever.
Yeah, let me in.
David Arquette is creepy as a fucking vampire.
He's the creepiest one.
He's the one that, like, if I saw him in an alleyway,
I'd be like, ugh.
But also gargoyle face.
And maybe Paul Rubin.
Yeah.
He was fun.
He was fun, but still I'd be like, oh, fuck.
So then, oh yeah, it was creepy when she slept on the vampire.
It's weird seeing Buffy's mom as a different actress,
different character, completely.
Like, she doesn't even act the same, like, at all.
She's like, always off partying in this one.
She's like, definitely a mom in the show.
Like, so.
Yeah, I assume step mom with how she treats her.
Yeah, no, that's her real mom, I guess, in this one.
The mustache twirl was pretty cool that he does.
He does like a little mustache twirl, one of the,
I think the main guy.
Just need a railroad track.
For what?
Oh, for the, yeah.
Right after her first punch, she's into it.
Oh yeah, like right after Buffy gets her first punch off,
she's like, oh shit, I like this.
This is cool.
And she gets into it, yeah.
Which I thought was great.
Thomas Jane is in this movie.
I did not notice that.
So Thomas Jane is Luke Perry's mechanic boss
with the long hair.
And he tells, he goes, hey, what should I do if I see Benny?
And then Luke Perry turns back, run.
That's the guy.
So that's Thomas Jane.
He went by Tom Jane back then.
So I thought that was cool.
The thumbtack fly scene I put.
I love it.
I wish I could do that.
Tack fly.
And his speech to her is actually funny.
Like the, yeah, I thought I was a toaster.
What does that mean?
Watchers lived 100 lives.
That's pretty.
You read these notes.
It's exactly how I felt watching the movie.
What does that mean?
Oh, I don't know.
Doesn't matter.
There's a lot of sexual innuendos from Buffy
to her watcher.
Like, don't play with your part.
Do you want to lie down the first time hurts?
Like, what?
So weird.
Yeah, it was kind of fun.
Kind of fun.
So in any other movie, Andy, you would be all over that.
I refuse to accept.
The van scene with Ruben's following him in the van.
That was fun.
That was great.
That was a great surfing scene.
Van surfing loses arms, crashes into the tree.
Fucking I love that whole thing.
Kill him a lot.
That was great.
Luke Perry is great in this movie.
Like, I like Luke Perry.
He does his job perfectly.
Buffy flipping that creep.
Like, hey, let me get some.
Flip some.
OK.
I don't actually need it.
That was pretty great.
Like, hey, let me get some.
And then she like flips.
He's like, OK.
I don't actually need any.
That was like a funny line.
And I was like, that was an attempted sexual assault.
Because remember, it was Andy.
So like, Andy was walking up.
And he goes like, hey, let me get some.
He's about to smack her ass.
And she grabs him, flips him.
He goes, all right.
Never mind.
I don't need any.
That was great.
OK.
So the coach's plan, if you looked at his board,
is pyramid with an eyeball.
It was so bad.
Plus male and female symbols over infinity equals win.
And I'm like, I get it.
That was the worst coach.
Coaching them 45-year-old basketball players.
Yeah.
Are we the X's or the O's?
We're the O's.
Dargoil face vampire at the game is great.
The coach, by the way, the guy that does the coach,
is the voice of Jimmy Neutron's father.
Thank god we know that.
But it's a very distinct voice.
What do you always call him?
Hey.
Jimmy my boy.
Jimbo.
Yeah, but he has a super iconic voice.
And since you watch this, I don't know how much
he's been in outside of that.
That's not voice work, so it's kind of interesting.
Yeah, it'd make that connection.
Yeah.
And you can kind of hear it if he talks.
Oh yeah.
Carl loves llamas.
And he wants to fuck Jimmy's mom.
Oh yeah.
Jimmy's mom.
And llamas.
I jerk off to Jimmy's mom.
And llamas.
Jimmy, can you make me a robot llama mom?
I mean, I gotta go.
I gotta draw a picture of your mom's head on a llama's body.
Here's something fun.
The guy from Dargoil face, he starred in Grind 2003.
That's the skateboarding movie.
But then in 2010, which is his next movie, is The Grind.
Which is a different movie.
I'm just like, this guy did two grinds.
The grind was tougher during those years.
It was the grind.
Ben Affleck, super great.
These bikers, dude.
These bikers are just sitting outside.
And they're going like, oh, I guess it must be halftime.
So they're just hanging outside this high school.
Just doing nothing.
And then hit on her.
Yeah.
But I love that the Gargoyle guy,
he's running from Buffy.
It's so great.
He's running and he just goes, ah!
He just scares some people and runs off.
He's having a good time.
And I love it.
That's what a vampire would do.
He's like, fuck it, I'm evil.
Like, ah!
He scares motherfuckers.
I love it so much.
And then he yells out, so steals his bike.
And then he yells out, you're a dyke.
And I'm telling the world.
What a lame threat.
Why are these guys waiting outside of high school?
Oh, it must be halftime.
And then she didn't stop the bike.
Yeah, she just let it go.
She let it go and it ran into the thing.
And then Luke Perry is riding on the bike later.
Yeah, the bike just gets off the bike.
Yeah.
It's like the actress, the stunt actress,
didn't know how to sign the brake.
She's like, fuck this bike.
Fuck this bike.
Yeah.
They go to Pasadena, which is nice.
That's near where I grew up-ish.
The Strait?
The Rose Parade, where they store the floats for the Rose
Parade.
Which is kind of cool.
Yeah.
I've been to the Rose Parade once in person.
I've never been in person.
We had tickets to sit in a VIP section.
Yeah.
Got some doctor that my mom knew at the hospital.
And it was the year, I think the year, what's his face?
Neighborhood.
Mr. Rogers.
He was the one, the year he died,
I think he was on the float.
So I got to see him on the float go by.
And being in the beginning of the float, the parade,
is way better than being in the beginning.
And were you just sitting there like,
this is where Buffy was and all that throughout it?
No, I think I was a kid.
I watched, so the sad truth of my Buffy history is-
You didn't watch it till your 30s?
When I was a child, I watched the movie.
I liked it, but I forgot.
I didn't think anything of it.
The show came out, and my older sister liked it.
And so by default, I was like, I don't really want to watch this.
I watch my own shit.
And then junior year of high school,
I get invited to go on a camping trip with my buddy Michael.
And we bring a little DVD player to watch movies on the way
there and stuff.
And he had bought season one and two of Buffy on DVD.
And so we watched, we binged the whole camping trip.
We binged those two seasons.
We just couldn't get enough.
He really liked the show and already.
And it was my first time watching.
And I devoured it.
And so 16, I started watching it at the right age.
In 97, I would have been 10.
So it wasn't the right time for me, a show about high school
vampire.
I still was maybe a couple years, either Power Rangers
had just ended, or maybe I was on Zack Files or Eerie Indiana
around that time.
But when I watched it at 16, I got obsessed.
And then we watched it the proper way, I feel,
which is when you get to season three,
you have to then alternate Buffy, Angel, Buffy, Angel,
Buffy, Angel.
Every other episode?
Yeah.
How did it work?
There was a lot across it.
Not a lot, a lot.
Probably like four or five.
And they weren't, I guess, super necessary.
But at the same time, it worked.
Because they knew what they were doing when they were releasing
these back to back.
So like, and you get to kind of feel like you were there
like that week.
So yeah.
So when she, oh, the strength of the vampires is weird in this.
It's basically like human.
Like they're not very strong.
Luke Perry can hold his own against several vampires.
So again, super multiverse-y like doesn't
work with the show at all.
Because in the show, it's very much vampire, probably four
or five times, maybe three or four times stronger
than a human.
So it's like a Buffy, two or three times stronger
than a vampire.
I think it's hard to do the comedy with it
if they're strong like that.
So that's why they, I think that was a choice, though,
to make them like that.
So you could do the comedy after that.
Yeah.
So it could be a little bit more like, yeah.
When she falls on Luke Perry, she stays a long fucking time.
You know, like she's like haunted for a while.
Well, yeah, but for him, she says stay still.
He's like, I am still.
Which is great.
So Pike stole, sorry, re-stole that Harley.
He's just driving around.
He's driving around.
He's like, I didn't steal it, officer.
I found it, and I've been driving around.
If that, yeah.
I'm not disappointed.
I'm just angry.
That's a great line.
Isn't it?
Yeah.
It's like the opposite of what you normally get.
Pike is awesome.
He's always ready to fuck shit up.
It's the most 90s dance I've ever seen.
There's no way that Buffy isn't getting hit on and asked
to dance.
Like, there's no way Buffy's just silently sitting over
by herself going, oh, poor me.
I'm the hottest girl at the dance,
and everyone's going to slow dance.
No, she'd get hit on by every angle from all over the place.
People with long-term girlfriends
would see Buffy sitting over there by herself like, hey,
babe, why don't you get me a drink?
And they go over and shoot their shot.
I think they'd be intimidated by her.
I think she's getting out of that kind of pr-
Oh, well, there's some guys out there, big dick energy,
that just fucking get it done.
I'm not one of those guys, but it happens.
So is Pike an adult?
So he works in a garage, lives on his own above a garage,
definitely an adult man in his 20s.
Just like, he went, you know what I mean?
And he's at a prom.
No one stopped him.
He walked in, and now he's not in prom attire,
and he's hooking up with a high school chick.
All right.
I think he's Ponzi.
Yeah, pretty much.
Pet-a-Ponzi.
My note was, how does he just walk into a school dance,
and I put, ah, pre-column line, because this was 92.
Oh, and then this was a little bit of a thing,
which I didn't quite catch until I rewatched that part,
was as they're leaving, as Buffy's running
with the vampires and stuff, and they're going outside,
remember that Buffy's boyfriend went to the dance
with a different chick?
They're fucking in the car outside.
And she gets up, and she goes, well, that was quick.
So he came too fast.
And so Buffy.
They were in the post-credit scene, too.
What happened?
Was it the post-credit scene, or was it the end scene,
when they're all like, all fucked up,
and they're like, it was scary, and this and that,
like pretending like they weren't outside.
Oh, yeah.
Was it news?
Were they doing news reports?
It was a news report.
That was fucking awesome.
I forgot about that.
Yeah, that was quick coming reference.
The violin, why the melodrama?
Or why the, oh, why the, okay, the violin was funny,
when she just sees him playing the violin,
when she's at this high school.
But why do you pull out a little metronome
and get that thing going?
I thought that was interesting.
Ruben's death is very funny.
The DJ vampire's very funny.
Bro, the students, like, I don't know, look at,
oh, the students, like, Buffy killed two vamps.
When you walk into that gym,
there's like 10 corpses on the floor.
Those students held their own.
I don't even think there was any casualties,
other than the-
No, I remember seeing there was a dead person on the ground.
I think it was like a chicken or a dress.
It might, it might still have been a vampire, though.
Because I think the whole vibe was like,
we didn't want to kill the students in this movie.
Like, I don't think it was like horror.
It was like, the kids are gonna hold their own,
don't worry about it.
No kids are getting murdered in this.
Well, that final fight, too,
where they're just in front of everybody
and no one bothers to intervene.
There's just grown men there, and they're just like,
yeah, he's beating up this child.
Let him do it, I guess.
Who I'm responsible for.
Detention, detention, detention.
Talking about detentions like no other,
but I'm not fighting nobody.
Then we get, I think, probably the most problematic part
of the entire movie, and that is the principal
walking up to Hilary Swank's character,
it's fucking slamming her against the locker, causing-
Like, SLC Punk style.
Yeah, causing brain trauma, like a concussion.
Like, literally, she's retarded from that one.
Like, she can't speak right after this.
Which speaks to that thing I just said.
He's like, I'll beat up the girls.
I'm not gonna fight a man fighting a girl.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, she definitely passes out.
Bro pulls out a fucking Katana, the main guy.
A flag versus Katana fight is as slow
as a New Hopes Vader versus Obi-Wan fight.
I did not like that fight.
Now the government can study the vampire corpses.
A lot of that, and then I can't believe
that they would have to get that silent, oh, I can't,
they wouldn't be able to do a little silent dance
in the gymnasium that same night
when there's literally- Well, sirens are going on.
Sirens, corpses, all that shit.
That's the most unbelievable part.
And then we get the second most unbelievable part,
which is Candy Clark's single credit
as Buffy's mom before the credits.
Then we get the post credit, which is,
yeah, he really fucked Hilary Swank up.
She's broken.
I thought they were young Republicans, it's funny.
Dude, Buffy's ex is the Comes Too Fast guy.
Also, did he rape her?
Because she says, I can't believe I let you do that to me.
She says that, I can't believe I let you do that to me.
And she's like crying, did he rape her?
Well, let you would be not rape, I guess.
Well, hold on.
She was on top in the scene.
The age of consent that we're in now, Michael.
The year is now 2024.
So year 2024, even if a woman allowed,
like a woman could let you go all the way up to you
or fucking her and everything's going great,
the moment she feels uncomfortable and wants it to end.
But if she doesn't tell you that, you don't know.
That's all I can say.
This guy had a really good joke about that.
She was on top of him, what was he supposed to do?
He's laying out all these parameters that are rape.
It is like, if you promise her something
to have sex with you and you don't give her that thing,
that's rape.
Like all these different things.
So yeah, by today's standards, I am a huge rapist.
Sure.
I get that.
And there's, you can look at it one way.
I guess he could have thrown her off.
All I'm saying is that if she's crying
at the point that we see her at the interview, okay?
Okay.
She's crying.
It's not the same as rape.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, let me finish.
If you're fucking a chick and you see that she's starting
to, in the middle of you fucking starting to cry,
even if she doesn't stop you or say anything.
That's not what we saw in this movie.
You just made up a whole different movie in your head.
I know, there's some different,
there's some weird kinks out there, man.
All we saw, Mike, was her saying that was fast.
That doesn't mean that, but then the next thing we see is,
I can't believe I let you do that to me while she's crying,
which means that she had a traumatic experience with him.
He was trying to come before she cries.
Apparently she cries during sex.
You gotta fit a nut before that.
And again, regardless of what happened
to this fucking movie, that doesn't negate the point
that if you're having sex with someone
and you can tell that they're uncomfortable
and they're just letting you do it, then.
That's a whole different story.
That didn't happen in this movie.
I think it's more of.
She was on top of him in this movie.
Yes, that's why I'm gonna, I'll continue to say,
besides what this fucking movie has,
anything to do with anything,
I'm just saying in general, as you're listening.
It's not about the movie anymore.
It's just real fucking people listening.
A passionate point about rape.
If someone's uncomfortable, you have to stop.
I know it has nothing to do with the movie.
No shit, Andy.
It's not a no shit situation, Mike.
People do it all the time.
This is something.
I'm telling you.
You know different people than me, I guess.
I don't know.
Okay, so you're saying we live in a world
where date rape doesn't happen, that rape doesn't happen.
People, this doesn't happen.
Doesn't happen in my world.
What happened in yours?
I don't know.
Okay, great, you don't rape your wife.
Congratulations.
I've never raped anyone.
Have you raped anyone, Austin?
Brendan, do you rape people?
I don't think so.
Yeah, the people in this room.
No one's raped us.
Well, it's time for Austin.
Austin, pause.
Why did you not say anything immediately?
I'm gonna tell you guys a story.
Okay.
I can't wait.
You have our attention fully.
In 2016.
My friend had, I think it was his uncle.
He was like 60 something, and he knew he was dying soon.
And he met these two 18, 19 year old chicks
and told them that he had all this money
and that he was gonna leave it to them when he died.
So he spent the last years of his life
just banging these two chicks,
and then he died and they realized he was broke.
Is that rape?
No, that is a Lex Luthor level style fucking
criminal endeavor of epic proportions to get raped.
I changed my opinion based on this answer though.
Same uncle?
Fuck no.
Okay.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, that uncle from my joke,
he just inherited $150,000 and a house
that's worth half a million.
So that guy's just paying for sex every day of his life.
Or he's gonna overdose on like cocaine
or a hooker's gonna rob him.
Or some chick is just gonna grit her teeth
and bang him for a few years
and then divorce him and take everything.
Regardless, it does not end well for him
and I'm very happy about it.
I just wish I could be a fly on his cabinet.
I mean, all it sounds like from my perspective
is he just got $150,000, a brand new home
and he's gonna get to fuck hookers for the rest of his life.
But it's sad.
It's sad.
He's such a...
Sad.
No, he's like, he always said,
we always joke about it like,
oh, I wanna find a good woman.
All women are sluts and I just can't find a fucking good one.
And da da da, all right, go to church.
They don't wanna fuck.
And I'm like, all right, go to the bar.
They're all sluts.
Like he's just, he's so fucking...
He's just anti-woman.
Really, yeah.
He's had restraining orders from chicks.
He told a chick that she's gonna be sleeping
in Davy Jones' locker and she got a restraining order on him.
Dude.
Does that mean he's just gonna kill her
and put her at the bottom of the fucking sea?
I don't know.
I guess it was just vague enough.
Just vague enough.
Wow.
But not vague enough,
because she got two of them, actually.
The two different restraining orders, two different chicks.
One, this one chick he had living with him for a year.
He was in the military.
They sent him to Alaska
and he met a chick that worked at GameStop.
She banged all of his buddies,
still brought her back home with him.
She had a kid and he got her a new set of tits
and a new Jeep and she took her new tits and her new Jeep
and she fucking left, dude.
So that same thing's going to happen
on a much grander scale now.
I forgot.
Did you share your uncle's story with me?
Yeah, during Singularity.
So then we can always, then we can say, then we can say,
then we can say fuck this guy
because he tried to jerk off his 13-year-old nephew.
Back to the context of the movie,
I think she was crying more because she was upset
she gave him her virginity.
Why are we still focusing on this?
Okay, you know, listen, to Mike's point,
to everyone's point, I just wanted to make that clear.
I wasn't just talking about the movie
when I'm telling my audience to not rape people.
I agree that maybe in this situation,
because we don't have enough context,
that she was upset that it happened.
Maybe, you know what it is, and here's the sad part.
Actually, that's also rape too.
You're like, I shouldn't have fucked that guy.
That's rape.
No, let's not make light of rape.
I understand that it's a bit.
But real rape can be as simple as you're fucking a chick
and she says she doesn't want to anymore,
but you're so close to finishing,
and you just kind of finish.
That can be considered rape.
If you're 10 seconds away from finishing
and she says please stop, and you don't, that's a rape.
Thank God it's never happened to me
because that would be, I mean, I can see the dilemma there.
That's what I'm talking about.
That is, in my mind, one of the closest to
is it rape, is it not rape?
But the moment a chick says please stop or stop.
When they say no, it's no.
You have to stop mid sex, mid anything.
You fucking get out of there.
There's a comic that I, a comic,
some fucking open mic'er dude,
he came out and he shared a story,
and you could tell it was one of the real ones,
where he was just like, yeah man,
this chick passed out while she was fucking me,
and I just finished.
And I was like, well.
That's hot.
I'm pissed.
It's fucked up.
And yeah, so anyway, get enthusiastic consent
from anyone you sleep with.
This last 15 minutes man, Jesus Christ.
I'm glad you took this comedy there, Andy.
It's been a very special episode.
So, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you guys.
Yeah.
My God.
This has been a spooky episode.
17 days of Halloween.
Yeah, that's great, that's so good.
All right, well, I hate to do the ratings,
and you didn't really hear any of Mike's actual thoughts.
Can you give us a link?
Yeah.
But here, I'll give them to you pretty quick, honestly.
There's not a lot.
I'll give you my final thought on it.
Just my final thought on this.
Despite all its flaws, it has a certain charm.
It's so bad, it's almost good.
Key word there is almost.
It's like a mullet.
It's like business in the front, party in the back,
and completely ridiculous.
One-liners will make you groan, special effects done
with Elmer's glue and toilet paper,
and a plot thinner than Vampire Blur.
But it's entertaining in its own weird campy way.
The best thing it has going for it is not boring.
Plenty of laughs to be had,
even if a lot of them are unintentional.
And who knows, maybe this movie paved the way
for the much better TV series that came later.
So if you're in the mood for cheesy campy
and completely ridiculous vampire flick,
it might just be your cup of tea,
or you could just watch paint dry.
It seemed cool at the time,
but when you look back at it
and wonder what the hell you're thinking,
it's a relic of its time,
a perfect encapsulation of early 90s keys
that's best enjoyed with a large dose of irony
and possibly a stiff ring.
One out of five stars.
So not a W.
So what grade are you giving it?
According to our scale,
if you're a listener to the show,
I have to explain it to people.
If you're a new time listener to the show,
we do things a little differently around here.
B is the top of our list.
We don't fuck with A's for some reason.
And we go to F and we've added a new letter W
for waste of time.
It's the worst thing.
It's worse than an F.
So don't think of it like B through F is A through F.
Think of it like B through F is its own thing.
And there's a special designation way below that,
which is its own separate rating of W,
which is just don't fucking watch it.
Bowels of hell.
Yeah, it's just not worth it.
It's got funny parts, but it's very campy.
Very, it's very of its time.
It's very early 90s cheese.
I want to hear one argument against that.
Well, OK, first off, you said that the laughs weren't,
that most of them were unintentional laughs.
I didn't laugh once at any of them.
He said some of them.
He said some of them, but there wasn't editing choices
or low budget or low budget effects or anything.
Acting choices can be, yes.
I don't think there's any bad acting choices.
I didn't say bad, I said acting choices.
There was some dialogue in there
that could have been meant serious.
There was some serious cheese in this.
But it was, yeah, it was corny and kind of silly.
What are you talking about, like what?
Just some of the slang and lingo that they used
was kind of silly.
Like that was just so like five minutes ago.
And like just some of the stuff they used was just,
it's silly, it goes to, I understand what you mean.
It goes to the sense of it being like encapsulating
the early 90s, like their lingo,
the way teens talk to their 90s.
So you don't like Clueless?
I love Clueless.
Clueless didn't do it to this level.
You didn't like Valley Girl?
I didn't say I didn't like this movie.
I didn't say I didn't like it, but a D on our scale
is the equivalent of a C, which is an average.
Well, no, I said don't think of it like that.
You can't make up your own rules all you want.
You can't think of it like A through F.
You have to think of it like B through F is its own thing
and then W is its own special thing.
Yeah, which puts it at D, right in the middle.
It's a low middle.
That's a high middle.
Because we only have four.
The W is its own thing, so it's a low middle.
So I would say that, okay, give it a D plus.
I already did.
I already gave you a higher.
I'm gonna quit coming to these.
There's just no point.
I don't know why I come.
I really don't know why I bother.
I really don't.
I'm starting to wonder seriously why I come here.
Because I need someone to argue with.
These yes men on each side of you.
I know.
That's why we sit across from each other.
That's what it is.
We haven't gotten to me yet.
We're diametrically opposed.
Oh yeah, I'm not expecting good things from Austin right now.
Sad he watched.
I'm pissed he stayed the night.
He hung my puppet in the closet with a belt
and now he's shitting on my phone.
If your plan was to make him never want to stay
the night again, I think you succeeded.
All right, Austin, tell us what you thought.
So when I was locked in that bedroom.
Maybe the first thing you want a good radio somebody's
not to tell them get in there and don't come out.
I was hung over and sad that a romantic prospect
did not work out from the night before.
I started watching this movie and I started crying
and asking it to stop.
And it did not stop.
But then I saw Kristy Swanson and her big sweaty Yabos
and David Barbituette and of course, Tacfly.
A few good lines, Milton from Office Space.
So I'm gonna give this three sweaty Buffy boobs.
All right.
With a C minus.
C minus, all right, that's better than white.
And it's literally only because of Kristy Swanson.
Sweaty.
He's grading it on Yabo scale.
Buffy boobs.
The Yabo scale.
Yabos.
And then it finally stopped.
Okay.
And now my good friend, close.
This is actually nicer than yours.
Confidants.
I just wanted to make him tremble.
Brandon's like, I've never seen a worse piece of shit
in my life.
It's a W minus.
I had to chase this with singularity.
Yeah.
All right, Brandon, what'd you think?
Did it make you miss anything?
No pressure.
Yeah.
Did it miss you miss anything?
This movie made me miss Re-Animator.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's a movie.
It's, no, it was fun.
It was a fun watch.
First, it was my first time watching it.
I haven't watched the show either, things like that.
And I was just kind of watching it.
I'm like, okay, am I supposed to be taking this seriously
or is it a comedy?
And then when certain things happen, I'm like,
okay, it's a comedy.
It's gotta be a comedy.
There's no way.
And then the things that saved it for me,
A, she was attractive, she was pretty.
Super nice.
So that was good.
We're all the Christie Swanson.
She's, okay, so this movie in the Buffyverse,
this movie is the one night stand
and the show is the long time girlfriend.
There you go.
Absolutely.
But also, I mean, Paul Rubin was fantastic in it.
David Arquette, great.
Like those three people.
I'm gonna do it.
Yeah, those three people saved the movie for me
by adding those levels of humor and different dialogue,
things like that.
So I agree with Austin on his rating
and I give it a C minus.
Would it change your guys's-
Give it a B for Buffy.
Yeah, you're gonna have to give it your rating.
Would it change your guys's opinion,
which I just had this thought,
and I agree with a lot of what you said,
except for Greg.
If Christie Swanson comes in here and gives me a blow job,
then you-
If Christie Swanson calls me for an emergency titty fuck,
I might consider giving it a C plus.
As long as it's in the middle of that titty fuck,
if she says to stop, you stop.
I'm okay with it.
Here's-
I don't know if I have the strength to do that.
What if we look at this movie as a movie?
What if we look at this movie as a in-universe
Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie shot in the early 2000s
after the show ends,
about a bunch of people in the residence of Sunnydale
talking about this mythical chick
that's been running around killing vampires
in their town for the last seven years,
which people definitely know about her.
In the show, there's one of the sweetest
will make you cry every time you watch it moments
is during her high school prom,
and in during her high school prom,
everyone's like winning Homecoming Queen, whatever, right?
And then one of the guy gets up and goes,
is Buffy Summers here?
And the light finds her at the table.
She's kinda like eating something.
She goes, huh?
And he goes like, hey, Buffy, listen,
you've saved us a lot.
We know that, we don't know what's going on or whatever,
but we know that you saved us a lot.
And then you hear people in the audience like,
vampires, werewolves, giant lizard creatures.
Rapists!
Like whatever, right?
And people are like cheering, you know, cheering.
And so it's like, so we made you this.
And they give her like this jewel encrusted umbrella thing
that they made.
It's like, you're our school protector.
We just wanna say thank you.
That gets me every time, because it's like,
so the town knows about Buffy.
Like that's a thing.
All of those students in that prom,
especially graduation, where they all have to team up
against a monster like the whole school does,
it's very cool.
But if you take that, and then the end of Buffy,
which I won't ruin the very, very end of Buffy,
something happens that would absolutely,
the entire world would know about it.
There would be news stories about it.
There's no way that this would be covered up
in any situation.
It's like a huge thing.
Like this doesn't happen, but like the equivalent of
that dome falls over Springfield, right?
Like people would know about it kind of deal.
So something happens.
I think enough residents of the town could be interviewed.
Some director guy gets it in his head
to write a Buffy the Vampire Slayer like movie.
And this is what we get, which is a not quite right version
of the movie, of the show, which I like.
I like this.
So that's what we're going with.
Well, that's a completely different thing.
Yeah, I know.
It was made for us too.
I like the-
And us having not seen the show
makes absolutely no sense to us.
I like the parallel universe theory better.
Fine.
I gave it a B plus.
But it is funny hearing what like triggers you emotionally.
What else triggers you emotionally?
I don't know.
What makes you cry?
I want to know what Buffy porn parodies you watch.
I have, I have.
Yeah, a hundred percent.
No hesitation.
It's Muffy the Vampire Slayer.
I bet he has a 30.
It's called Muffy.
It exists.
Muffy the Vampire Slayer.
Who's it directed by, Andy?
I don't know the director.
Who's it starring?
Dick Henry.
I'm starting to think he has like a fan,
like erotic fan fiction for Buffy.
It's a website and it's more popular than this podcast.
There is probably thousands
of erotic fan fictions of Buffy.
I feel like your plan finally came to fruition,
but it backfired on you.
You started a podcast, got people to join it,
forced them to watch a Buffy movie,
trying to make us all diehard fans.
Everybody declined to do rehash on Buffy.
Because there is no chance I want to watch the series
after the movie.
Oh, that's not fair.
I'll watch the pilot.
Yeah.
See if it's any good.
I'll see an episode.
I'll watch the pilot and episode two.
See if it's enough different.
I would almost recommend people start season two.
So listen, season one.
Now keep in mind, this is seven,
there's six really good seasons on a seven season show.
Season one, thankfully it's a short season.
The rest are like 20 something episodes.
Season one is 13 episodes.
It's short.
If you can get through it,
it's a little bit lower budget than you'd want.
If you can get through,
that's why it was like the stakes disappeared
with the vampires kind of deal.
Was Buffy what they started Fox with?
No, it was WB.
WB?
Okay, what was what they started WB with?
I don't know if it started.
Doesn't say right at the beginning of it,
before they had big budgets or whatever.
I don't remember the age.
I don't remember the time.
Buffy was before like Roswell and all that stuff.
Wasn't it?
Maybe around the same time as Roswell.
I liked Roswell.
My mom liked Roswell.
Oh yeah, you're all fine with Roswell,
but Buffy's too far.
I never watched it, but I watched a couple of-
No, okay, so I would say honestly,
if you get through the first 13 episodes of Buffy,
I would even maybe look up a list
to find out the critical episodes of season one to watch.
Maybe watch four or five episodes.
Watch like the first get introduced,
maybe like the first like two.
How long are the episodes?
13 of the first season.
How long are the episodes?
They're 45 minutes.
One and a half speed.
We don't all watch things at one and a half speed.
But I will say this, when you get to season two,
it really gets good.
Season three is phenomenal,
but we're talking like I think five, six, and seven,
some of the best TV you'll ever see.
But then Angel is good from I think beginning to end.
So like if you get to where Angel starts,
like even if you just watch Buffy and then you start Angel,
you're like, oh, I like this better.
And you just go with that.
You're still gonna get one of the best series
of all time with Angel.
And it sucks that you have to do so much fucking homework
to get to Angel for it to really pay off.
And I don't know if Angel stands alone
where you don't have the backstory of Buffy and all that
and like the appreciation of the universe or whatever.
Even episodes of Angel kind of stand alone
because I've watched, now I've watched them with my wife
and she's has had to explain things to me
when she'd seen all the Buffys.
But I've watched Angel before and Angel is very good.
Speaking of which, the scene where Max decides to deviate
from the road trip that Goofy planned
that leads to their fight is another one
that gets me emotional.
Just to answer your question from earlier.
That one does, yeah, that one makes more sense.
Yeah, that whole movie, sorry, that's just autism.
I was waiting for the answer.
It just took me a minute to figure out.
We're just 40 minutes, you're fine.
Is there any other Buffy related movies
you're gonna try to sneak in on us?
No, I don't think so.
Shows, like, you know, like,
I don't think so. Shows.
He already did, it was that teacher one.
Which one?
The philosopher, whatever.
Oh God, After the Dark.
After the Dark. The philosophers.
No thanks.
I will say, one of the better moments of my life,
one of the funnier, like, just because
of the way your brain works,
but Smallville was out at the time.
And so I watched a Smallville and Angel premiere,
because they premiered the same day, different times,
back to back, because I had caught up by that point
watching with my friends, so that I was watching Angel
the last couple seasons as it aired, right?
So that was kind of fun.
Like, I was an actual to the end guy.
And Smallville, it's Superman, right?
So he gets shot with like a machine gun
and fucking walks it off, right?
And he keeps getting shot at it,
and it doesn't matter, like, he's Superman.
So then in the show, my buddy and I,
we were watching together, and Angel,
some guy pulls out a gun and starts shooting at Angel,
and he like fucking runs, gets out of the way,
and both of us are like...
And then we both realized at the same time,
oh, that's not Angel, or that's not fucking Superman.
He's a vampire, getting shot hurts.
But he's...
Wait, is it the same actor?
Oh, no, it's not.
No, no, it's not.
Because you're connecting it.
We literally ended Smallville, went straight into Angel,
and then because they're both super powered beings,
that super straight, whatever,
the fact that Angel ran away from the gun
was very funny in hindsight to us,
realizing what had happened.
But David Boreanas, as Angel, is so good.
If you're a fan of Bones,
go check out where it all started,
like him being hunky, like, vampire boy in Buffy,
and then like really, really cool,
like, superhero almost in Angel.
Like, not like...
It's cool, it's Angel.
It doesn't fly around, but like, he just, he fights crime.
It's like he goes to LA where he's just like, fuck it.
Buffy, you take care of Sunnydale, that's your territory.
I'm gonna go to LA and I'm gonna see what's up.
And then the main bad guy in Angel is a law firm.
And you're thinking, what?
And the reason it's crazy, it's a law firm
that helps fucking demons and shit
get away with their crimes.
So...
Run by Lex Luthor.
Not Lex Luthor.
I'm kidding.
You're so wrong.
Oh, that would be, yeah, Smallville,
that would, yeah, that tracks.
Trasso.
Yeah, but yeah, that's like, that's kinda cool.
But anyway, B plus, which is what the movie's gonna get.
Because none of your ratings matter.
B plus for Buffy, that's all.
That's the only, it just makes sense because B for Buffy.
Reality of C.
B for Buffy.
I mean, realistically, what would it be?
I'd give it a B plus, it'd be like a C plus.
Two C minuses and a D plus would be cool.
And a B plus.
This is straight C, Andy, at most.
At most, she's campy.
All right, fuck it, you know what?
C for campy's pretty good.
I won't dive on this hill.
We're gonna go C, just a straight C.
I already know you're gonna tear apart my movie next week.
Why is it bad?
Here's a problematic.
Well, it's problematic.
It's silly.
There's some...
It's slapstick.
Have you seen it?
Yeah.
You already watched it.
I haven't seen it.
Yeah, I've been on a...
You've watched everything that we're supposed to watch.
I've been living my life at 1X speed right now.
I'm trying to get everything done
for all this fucking Halloween stuff
and Christmas stuff and all this stuff.
I'm trying to get ready.
Oh, by the way, if you're listening to this at Christmas time,
make sure to check out our website.
We should have information.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I have no intention of following through on this.
This video is getting demonetized.
It's like, yeah, you spent 15 minutes talking about Ray.
But check out our website for details
about the Andy Rice birthday extravaganza 2025.
We'll have Deets up on the website and other places.
So great.
With that in mind, we will end...
Oh no, wait, fuck.
This is Buffy.
This isn't Christmas.
Regular episode.
We're doing Grinch still.
It's the eight crazy days of rape.
Fuck, nevermind.
Welcome to our timeline where nothing matters
and there is no such thing as time.
Exactly.
With me as always, it's Austin.
With his score, I would stake him in the heart right now
with a fucking actual wooden stake pharaoh.
Tech fly.
It's Michael.
With his score, I would put a stake in him
and then let him suffer as long as Paul Rubin's character did
where it's just like the prolonged and miserable death,
you son of a bitch, Larson.
Have a good weekend, Ruben.
And Brennan controls my paycheck.
So Brennan, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
simply up to Boston and we love him.
Have a good night, everybody.
And I've been your host, Andy,
and I could go for a steak right now, Rice.
Steak and Rice?
We've been raped, we've been fried.
We've been tech fly.