Delicious happens when the person D?
free
Congratulatory
Masterclass
F Bereich
I get the best of you, and you get the badest of me.
Wahahahaha!
And welcome to another exciting Seventeen Nights of Halloween with Fried RicePodcast.
I am your terrifying host, Andy Rice.
And with me as always are the ghouls that I can't get rid of.
It's Austin, He, uh...
got staked in the heart by a woman who thought he was a vampire, but it just didn't do enough damage, and now he's just a zombie kind of guy walking around,
because that's sort of what he looks like, he's just the walking dead is what I'm trying to say, Pharaoh.
Check me out on Zune.
With me as always, it is Michael, he did a bunch of bad things, and the school...
No, no, no, no, I was going to do the Freddy Krueger thing, but that's...
And then I realized that he was like a predator, so never mind.
I was going to say you look like a Freddy Krueger, but no, you don't have the same tragic backstory.
It's Michael, when he was at summer camp as a child, he was neglected by his counselors, and they threw him in the lake, and ever since then he's been this rotting corpse that we call Larson.
Better than what your counselors did to you.
Oh Jesus. With us as always, it is Brandon.
Dun-dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun-dun.
He's Shipley up to Boston, he brings the joints we're lost in. He's definitely not Austin, it's Brandon Shipley.
Dun-dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun-dun.
I didn't realize I opened Pandora's Box by starting a musical episode at one point.
Yeah you fucking did.
Should have saved that for the monsters episode.
Oh we're doing it every time. That's just his intro for these Halloween specials.
And today, tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we are doing the one that I put my thumb on the scale to make sure was one of our special themed days and that is the Stephen King Day.
Welcome. Oh I'm excited guys because the rules of these special days ladies and gentlemen are very simple.
We pick a theme. In this case it was Stephen King.
Next week it will be something, or tomorrow it will be something different and the following day it will be something different and every day you're going to get something new and fresh from us.
And what's great about these is that we pick a theme and then each one of us can pick any movie from any streaming platform across anywhere we can find it and pick whatever we want.
And so today it's Stephen King. And Stephen King, one of the most prolific writers, absolutely one of the most well known horror writers of all time.
He's written a whopping I think over 67 novels. He's written 12 short story collections. He's written screenplays. He's written short poems I think.
He's written songs. He's written books with his sons who are also popular writers.
Some other dude named Richard?
He was Richard Bachman. Richard Bachman was him. He had a pseudonym that came out with books that were awesome. The Running Man, thinner.
Fucking movies you've seen and heard of. That was his just side projects because Stephen King, the deal that he made with whatever devil he made it with did him fucking solid.
Speaking of cannot die, yeah.
Yeah, he's now speaking of, oh yeah, you could try to kill him, van from the mid 90s because he got hit by a van. It was reported everywhere that Stephen King was dead.
The nation mourned, but guess what? Stephen King cannot die because his own creation, Roland from the Dark Tower showed up and saved his life. You think I'm lying? I'm not. Go read Dark Tower. I think it's number four where that happens.
He makes all my grandma's favorite books.
Yes.
He has all the physical copies of his book and she moved in with my stepdad and he's like, she has so many goddamn Stephen King books. Do you want any of them since you like reading all of a sudden?
Fuck yeah.
Yeah, I'll take Cell. That's the only one I really want.
Okay, well he's written so many good books besides just Cell, which I also think is pretty good. He is, he's amazing. He lives in Maine, which you will know if you've read pretty much anything he's ever written. He's written horror. He's written comedy. He's written fantasy. He's written, he wrote the Shawshank fucking redemption.
Not the movie, but he wrote Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank redemption, which is a short story. He wrote the Green Mile, which came out episodically in chapters, which is a weird way to release a book. He wrote a book called On Writing, which if you're an aspiring writer, you should read. It's not only an autobiography, but it's also him on how he became who he is today. He's amazing. He narrates his own books sometimes on audiobooks. He is awesome. I love him so much. And the beauty of this is I have no idea what movie you guys picked.
You guys picked. So hold on. I forgot to hit record. On the phone. That's okay. It's only five minutes. Only the most epic intro to Stephen King, I think, of all time. I love him so much. There's a quote from an audiobook rental place that was next to the Blockbuster where I grew up. There was an audiobook rental place where you rented audiobooks. It was fucking revolutionary. It loved it. And on the walls, they had that like semi-transparent sort of
the best way I can describe it is like the frosted kind of images that you put on a window or whatever, like on a window. So it's like, you know, it's like a sure it's just a vinyl that they put on. But it was a huge Stephen King head and a quote from him. And it was if I'm if I'm not misquoting, it's very similar to I have the heart of an eight year old boy. It's sitting in a jar on my desk. And I'm like, this fucking guy is so dope. Love him. So
we're going to start with the one who gave away what his movie was already. Austin. Yeah. All right. What movie did you bring? Oh, what we're going to do is this is a rapid fire. We're bringing up what movie we what movie we watched. We're going to make some some notes about it. Fire through all the notes and read it. Yeah. And then we're going to give it a rating based on our rating system of B being our absolute highest tier that we possibly can give anything that to be allows us to watch. But we're extending it. I know outside the to be realm, but we're still going to rate it B through W B through
F. That's your standard grading system. And then we reserve a special place in hell right next to spawn grieving about his fucking wife is the W and the W is a waste of fucking time. It's an absolute awful badge to have from us. The most reliable critics on the planet.
Critics of such hits as Steel is S tier and battlefield earth is a masterpiece and die hard gets a B. So all right. So Austin, what'd you pick? And give us your take. Yeah, I always wanted to read the book. So fuck. Yeah, I just I remember my grandma had that giant collection of all those books and I was the only one that like stuck out to me because I had cell phone with blood on it. Oh, hell yeah. And so I'm like, I'm going to go with that.
I'm going to go get it and I go to Barnes and Noble and it's like the paperback, but they like updated it. So now it's like a touchscreen phone with blood on it. Oh, so so wait, the phone that you had on your grandma's one was like a what? It's all T9. It's like an old flip silver flip phone like crappy one, not even a razor or earlier than that. Oh, that's so funny. So he wrote this on the flip phone when he was thinking cell phones are still like a terrifying concept, which I mean, which is interesting because they made the movie sell quite a bit of
it later. Yeah, and there's they kind of fill in some holes with that. But I just like the the opening of the book. We'll get into this in book club, but I'm going to bring this up right now. We are going to cover this in book club. There's three quotes in the beginning of the book. And it's the id will not stand for a delay in gratification. It always feels the tension of the unfulfilled urge. And that's a quote by Sigmund Freud. Well, that's a good one. Then this one, human aggression is instinctual. Humans have not evolved any ritualized aggression inhibiting mechanisms of
humanism to ensure the survival of the species. For this reason, man is considered a very dangerous animal. That's like Conrad Lorenz. And then the third quote is Can you hear me now by Verizon?
Very good. Very good. I'm really happy with that one. And then I watched the movie. I'm sorry. I really shot the book after the book after the book. OK, of course, I read the book in three days. Cool. The entire thing. And it was really good. Really fucked good book. But yes, so well, my first note was I always look for Andes in movies, which I suggest we all do. How many Andes are in this movie? Sure.
I encourage that it's a drinking game. You can't just scroll through the end credits. It has to be either like the opening credits in the beginning, a character or an actor or an actor's name. Oh, wait. Oh, so you're not just referring to you see someone who's like OCD and kind of unpleasant. That's another that's an Andy. That counts as an Andy. He's not a background player back back months ago when we did What About Bob? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bob. But that's an end. That counts as an Andy. Got it, Bob. What about Bob? Man, it's been so long. Maybe the teenager.
And yeah, so the music supervisor in this movie is Andy Ross, which is very close to Andy Rice. Oh, yeah.
There's so it's basically did you like reread this book for the book club we're going to do or do you just remember it really well?
I remember some of it. So, yeah. So this is this the movie is like if they asked you to write the movie based on memory, they asked you to repeat the book because they just they miss so many things.
Like it starts with him in a book. It starts with him on the street in the movie. He's at an airport and throughout the whole book, he has his portfolio with him with all his comic book art.
No portfolio. He fucking ditches it right in the beginning. Like, fuck it. I don't need that. Makes sense. His wife's still a bitch and his wife still dies.
OK, except in the book, he fucking beats his zombie wife, which is awesome. They didn't put that in here for understandable reasons. There's a character, Tom McCourt, in the book who is a gay man in this.
He is black and he is also Samuel L. Jackson. So not gay at all. There's a part he's in the airport. He tries to go down to the trams and the trams won't go.
And he's like, I'm leaving. And then this fucking brod out dudes like, I'm coming. Deuces, bro. And he fucking gets murdered with an axe five minutes later.
Which is awesome. OK, cool. Then we get to a part where since the book is old and the movie is newer, they're like, what about text?
He's like, I got to text my wife, Samuel Jackson. Give me your phone. He texts his wife to see if she's OK. And the message he gets back. I laughed out loud. It's just a bunch of like ASTF.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Scrambled. Oh, it's scrambled. I thought she was a zombie. She texted him back.
There's a theme of the zombies walking around, like just eating random food and being sort of being aggressive, being aggressive towards each other and then other people and then not.
And then randomly eating food and doing normal things like fixing their glasses. They're showing that the zombies walking through the street, all these extras.
And there's just a chick walking around with a jar of mayonnaise.
Well, bombing it. But that's because the zombies sort of evolved, right? Well, slowly. But this is like right in the beginning. They did not do the book justice.
But it just reminded me there's a video of some guy just filming a chick on a bus just eating out of a jar of mayonnaise.
I was like, oh, it's a girl. They go to a house. This is the thing in the book that there's like a neighbor that has all these like essentially like NRA stickers on his truck.
And you could just tell that their house is like, well, we don't call 911. And they're like, oh, I'm bet you this guy's got some guns in there.
So if they're all dead, we can get their guns. So it's like he turns to Samuel Jackson, who has a crowbar.
And he's like, hey, just go up and knock and ask him, see if anyone's home. He's like, I'm a black man with a crowbar. Hell no. I ain't doing that.
I'm like, cool. Samuel Jackson is still Samuel Jackson in this movie.
There's a whole thing where the zombies use music to recharge. They sleep during the daytime.
Don't they sleep together? Yeah, they all sleep in these big groups and they play music.
And normally it's because they have all these boomboxes around them. They just gather and play easy listening music.
Yeah, this one they're just laying in the fields, opening their mouths. And that's where you hear the music coming out of is their mouth.
Oh, that's kind of cool. They just removed the boombox. That's kind of cool.
They're like transmitters of music. But the song that they used in the movie, like they named all the songs.
Oh, that's, you know, easy listening, you know, Frank Sinatra or whatever.
And this one, they chose the fucking troll song.
You have to hear that song for a full seven minutes while they're talking about it. Is it the, ooh, you touched my troll.
No, no, no, no, no, no. The one where the Russian guy, it's like a meme.
It's like some of, hey, look what Trump did. And you go and it's just this guy going, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Because they're just picking up, like, random radio signal from wherever.
It's like something they're all listening to and it's transmitted to them in the movie, which is dumb.
I mean, it's zombies.
But yeah, bad choice of song for that because it's a meme and you just hear it throughout the whole thing.
They decide to, which is the same thing in the book, is that they're going to get a gas truck and like park it right in the middle of this field with zombies laying down and then blow it up.
Which is fucked up. But the entire time he's driving over the zombies to get in the middle of the field spraying gas and we're all to,
Which I do think was a pretty cool plan until you realize that the zombies are sort of gaining sentience.
Like in the book, I know that the zombies are becoming almost sentient.
They kind of say words, they go from grunts to words. Yeah, like they start attacking people less.
They're like forming society. Are they zombies though? Yeah, well, I mean they are because they're, if you consider 28 Days Later, rage zombies to be zombies.
But do they die before they become zombies or they just become, is it like a rage sickness more than zombies?
Well, we're getting to that because after, so they kill, they're at this, where this is all happening, where they blow up all the zombies is that the school they find and there's just a kid and this old headmaster and another little boy old man thing for you to have a problem with, Andy.
Whoa. I always, wait, okay, first off, that makes it sound like I have a problem with every old man, young boy in a movie type situation.
But I think that if you look at movies like The Giver, I guess that seems to be more of like an appropriate friendship or relationship.
Another Harrison Ford, I guess Ender's Game. I'm just going to keep naming Harrison Ford movies where he's...
I'm just plowing through it because I'm going to talk more about the Temple of Doom.
But the head had a way better like character arc and a story and they just blow up. They just have them get impaled by the exploding truck, which I thought, we'll talk more.
Wait, who gets impaled? The headmaster. Of the zombies, okay.
Yeah, but he plays like a way bigger part of the book. Okay.
But then they, this is where it starts to get fucking, okay, now they're not following the book anymore.
This is just, oh, let's call it Cell because cell phone make zombie.
But they go to this weird bar where these people are just still living like it's the old days.
There's like three of them in a bar and he starts talking about, yeah, I'm a fucking bitch wife, you know.
I tried so hard to be a comic book artist and then when we broke up, I would just go to the bar, smoke weed and listen to Norwegian Death Metal.
And I was like, what the fuck is going on in this movie?
John Hughes access that? Yeah.
And then he's still looking for his son. He gets to his house. His son leaves a note like on a piece of paper in the book outside the door.
In this one, he goes to the refrigerator and this kid makes the note in refrigerator magnets.
I'm like, you do not have enough letters to make that whole takes up the whole freezer door.
Like you always run out of letters trying to make either a mega pack on Amazon that was like enough letters to write blood like fucking letters or like enough letters to write full sentences or or they bought multiple packs or some bullshit.
And why not write a letter? And there's like a lead zombie.
And he's like, yeah, he's he's the same thing in the book. Where's a Harvard jacket, blah, blah, blah.
But the way he spoke to John Cusack in his dream was John Cusack walking through the bathroom and he just sees a zombie getting head from some chick from like behind.
And she's like, oh, oh, he's like leaning over it.
Then he turns around his face on that. He's like, yeah.
And then he wakes up. That does not happen in the fucking book at all.
Like, why? Hey, sex in there. Yeah, that was for Mike.
Mike needed some sort of titties, titties, whatever. My last note is what the fuck?
Oh, there's a part. They didn't need to do this.
But they run into these people that are like survivors like them, which are sort of loosely based off the people in the book.
The end, the whole end part of the book was this guy they find. He has a school bus and he takes John Cusack away from everyone. It was like, when the time comes, call the number and here's the cell phone.
And then he shoots himself in the head. And it's like a whole mind. We'll get into that in book club. I don't want to.
OK, I'm almost done here. Yeah.
But fucking instead of shooting himself does all the same stuff. He blows himself up with a suicide vest.
And I'm like, you wasted all the budget you could have used for the explosion at the end of the movie.
Oh, that didn't happen. But they used it for this guy killing himself. Use a bullet. Why waste all that seaport just to blow yourself up?
Because they didn't give you the final explosion. They did not. It ends completely different.
So what do you rate it? I'll rate it one bar of reception. So an F minus.
F minus one bar of reception out of five bars of reception. I saw cells years ago. Was that was that?
Sam Jackson, John Cusack. Yeah, I saw it years ago. I can't remember, though, if they didn't do Alice, right?
They fucking did. Was he involved in it at all? Was Stephen King involved? I don't know.
It's based on the book. No, but I mean, a lot of the times on the movies, he just signed a piece of paper.
Sometimes he might have been a cameo. Yeah, but a lot of times he is involved in the screenplay writing as well.
I was just like the whole movie. I was like, the book is so much better. It sounds like what he was not involved with.
That's how you do a book movie wrong. Scanner Darkly is how you do a book movie correctly.
And I'll tell you what, ladies and gentlemen, that excites you. What he just said.
Well, you can listen to Wednesday Night Book Club. Months ago, these must have come out where we have covered both the Scanner Darkly
and Cell, which is another Stephen King book that I've done for the show. Because I've done quite a few Stephen Kings now.
Yeah, we did Scanner Darkly a few weeks ago. Well, yeah, but it's going to be cool to read the book now that I've given myself a couple of weeks to get the movie.
But I am going to read the book thinking of cartoons, rotoscoped people the whole time.
I usually watch the movie after. I read the book. If I like the movie, I'll read the book more often than I read the book than the movie.
It depends. If I like a movie and then find out that it's based on a book, I will watch. I'll do it in that order, I guess.
But if I know that there's a movie coming out that's based on a concept that sounds interesting and I know that there's a book, I know the book's going to be better.
So I read that immediately. So like Ender's Game, I saw that there was a picture of Ender's Game. I saw Harrison Ford and the kid who played Ender.
And they were in space suits. And it was like based on this young adult space book that you've never heard that I've never heard of.
So I was like, what's Ender's Game? And so I look it up. I read Ender's Game. I'm fucking blown away because it's what a cool book.
He's a bit of a fucking weird other guy that wrote it. But other than that, that's a fucking dope ass book.
Book before the movie is definitely the best way. You know how you watch you watch things or listen to audiobooks like Two Times Speed?
Yeah. This if they do it bad, if they do the movie bad, fucking you watch the movie and then you read the book. It feels like you're watching the movie at like point oh one speed.
I just want to be over the book. Yeah, if you read the book first, then you watch the movie.
You can see the directors trying to make a movie out of a book that you just read. You could see the choices they have to cut.
You can see the actors that they chose to portray. You could see what they took, what you saw and interpreted and what they saw could have been a differently interpreted.
That's what makes sometimes a movie experience more interesting. If you're not going to do as much suspense of disbelief and you want to actually see it as a comparison of the book.
But there are movies that's like if The Matrix was based on a book, which it is based on a lot of different source like source material.
But if it was based specifically on a book, if there's a book called The Matrix, I would still tell people to go watch The Matrix because The Matrix is one of the most visually pleasing movies you can watch.
And you can read all day long about how cool action is and you can put it in your head what a fight scene looks like and what all this kind of like graphics in your mind would look like.
And they are theoretically more mind blowing than what's capable of being done.
But you might not be creative enough to come up with a cool fight like I'm not creative enough to come up with John Wick style fucking deaths. Right.
Like if I my mind and reading a like reading a book and it's like then the dude kicked him off the thing. I'm not like why we all watch for your art.
They're the way they come up with the interesting deaths. We wouldn't come up with. Yeah, that's fun.
So that's why I do it the opposite way though. That's sort of what I was getting at. I do it the opposite way with the books because I'm always disappointed by the movie.
If I read the book first, whereas if I read the I feel like I'm always ramping up, I read the I watch the movie. I don't mind if they make more out of it with the I don't mind if they do a little change at the end like some big reveal at the end.
It's like, oh, instead of this, they did that. So it's oh, it's a nice little surprise like a little Jack in the box kind of.
I'm not mad at that. Well, you can listen to more comparisons between sell the book and the movie when we do what the Wednesday book club and also scanner darkly and also others.
I did a comparison for the chocolate war. I read both chocolate war beyond the chocolate war and watch the movie and talked about some of the differences there.
So if you're interested in that Robert Cormier book, you can look at that as well. Plug for Wednesday.
That book book spooky Wednesday that book book is this is Halloween. All right. Moving on with Stephen King Day calling it spook club was too problematic.
Oh, damn it. It's good. But it's like it's like but it's problematic. We mean spooky. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, that sucks that we can't use it. But yeah, and it was our idea. Up next is our oldest and most closest to death member Michael Larson.
What what did you pick for Stephen King Day? Well, this got to be an interesting week because I did two movies. You did two movies.
Well, one of his teams, Stephen King movies are there. Oh, geez. Oh, so 60 maybe. I don't know. There's a lot. There's a lot. Well, because there's multiple like they did it twice.
Right. So like sometimes, you know, there's like four or five versions of it. Yeah. Oh, I was looking through the screen when I was looking at this story gets to that.
How many versions of everything? There's not just that. The dead zone. Two movies and TV series. Yeah. So what did you pick on and on?
The first thing I did, which was on a whim, because I just wanted to be different. I've watched a Stephen King. What I thought was a Stephen King thing, maybe be tangentially involved called You Can't Kill Stephen King.
Okay. Okay. 2012. And it is the listen, this is going to be very short on that. Okay. Because that's why I chose to watch another one, because it turns out it's not Stephen King at all.
It's a story about a bunch of kids who go they want to go try and find Stephen King and medium and stuff. And I like it. And the town. It's a great setup.
It's but it's what they use as a theme for just a typical teen horror slasher. That reminds me of the whole thing months and months ago when we talked about the people hunting down Bill Murray. Yeah.
We did that one documentary. Yes. Yeah. Barely remember that. And it matches the name of our other episode, which is like, damn, it's been like almost a year now. You cannot kill Michael Larson. David Arquette. Or You Cannot Kill David Arquette.
Okay. So in this, it's just a group of fans visit a lake where Stephen King has and starts they start getting killed off one at a time. It's just. Who's the killer? Everyone is the killer. The whole town is the killer is what it turns out.
Are they protecting Stephen King? No, yes, they're protecting Stephen King. Stephen King doesn't like business. They get into all those things. I kind of like it. I might watch this. It's fun. It's a horrible movie, but it's fun. It's like if we got together and made a movie. Yeah, no, I kind of I kind of dig. Yeah, I kind of dig how the feel it has a group of people trying to meet Stephen King. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sort of this is my like cult leader and just has a whole town under his control. So what I wait some some wait some chick the other day used she was referencing a movie.
And she said that she it's like, oh, it was like a cottage like real cottage core. And I was like, ooh, cottage core is a good word for like the aesthetic of like the whole cottage, you know, thing. And I'm thinking like Stephen King trying to find Stephen King and getting murdered along the way core is kind of my vibe. Cottage core. Is that like just metal about peasants like metal about a nice fireplace and wood to chop? But I could really see you making this movie. It's one of those. Yeah, it sounds literally. Here's what I wrote. It's what you'd get if you fed a pig.
I got a bunch of film school dropouts, nothing but Bud Light and and Stephen King Cliff notes for months. Love it. It's like just it's that movie. I got hard right now. Yeah, exactly. It's fun. That's what this movie would be. This is what I wrote. This movie would be fantastic as a group watch with a bunch of Stephen King fan friends. But make fun of stuff. There's a lot of little references. There's a boat. This thing takes place on a lake. There's a boat. Of course, what's the boat's name? Christine. Oh, it's that. It's just that the whole movie.
Does someone have a dog named Cujo? Yes, there's a dog. Oh, fuck it. All right. Hold on. Is there is there a orgy? A weird orgy? Is there is there that in the next movie? Is there a clown? There is a clown. OK, do they do black clown and it's is there a mist? There's always a fog. Yes, of course. Is there sounds like an amusement park? More. It's what it is. Listen, it sounds like the last amusement park you ever go to. Sounds amazing, bro. It's it's
fun. I don't know. I would go to Stephen. I would go to Stephen. Amazing is not the right word. I'm glad we chose Stephen King Day and not like James Patterson Day or John Christian Day. It's kind of agonizing to watch by yourself, though.
As you're to watch it, it's it's it's not a good movie. It would be a fun movie to MSP. You know, it's got you. So do you have a rating for it? Yeah, I have a rating. What does it say on the rating on that first one?
I think it's B through W. Oh, I forgot you changed it back. It changes every week on this one. Oh, no, no, no. It's not how many Stephen King.
Yeah. How many? How many A.D. hard on's did you just list off? How many members of the orgy?
It's how many orgy? It's a one. It's a one. And it's a one and a half. No, I think one and a half is what. So we have one and a half.
One and a half. One and a half. One and a half. Kitten plane tickets to Maine plane tickets to Maine.
Yes. Then that was my pick. And then I got you know what? Thursday night, nothing to do. Granddaughter's there.
We always watch a movie of some sort. So I go, I'm going to let her pick. So then we go through and we start just going on my television as the front screen that does through all the surface.
Right. And this was not my pick. My pick would have been something completely different. My granddaughter picked this got really interesting.
It is basically we're basing it on the little part at the beginning. You know, it gives you the little synopsis in the thing and the synopsis of this one.
Horror film. Last two survivors of vampire shape shifting species that feed on the life force of human female birds.
Wait, hold on. Sleeping Beauty's. Yeah, no, not sleeping. Shape shifting. Hold on. What was the what was the what was the synopsis?
The synopsis. The last two survivors of vampiric shape shifting species feed on the life force of human female virgins.
First time King wrote a screenplay intended for the screen first. This was not a book. OK.
So that was the description and the post where I got the statement. But called Sleepwalkers. Sleepwalkers. I had never heard of it. It's 1992.
Well, I don't even know where to begin on because.
Having had my 11 year old granddaughter pick it out and my wife watching it with me and we're sitting on the couch and you know most Stephen King stuff scary, but not you know, it's not horrific for kids.
They're they can do. Tell Stephen even had a kid had kids series. But this movie opens opens with a full on incest scene between mother and son.
Oh, and I don't mean a little. I mean, that's what the movie is about. That is the plot of this movie.
So you are watching a movie with your 11 year old daughter. Granddaughter, granddaughter, daughter, about a mother and son fucking.
Yes, and for an hour and a half, she sat there the whole time, watched it with you. Yes, it's the theme of the movie.
What was the scary part? Oh, it gets scary. Well, scary. They're shape shifting vampire creatures.
We're going to go to jail. Here's the basis of the story. The mother is going to die because she hasn't eaten.
They feed on the souls of virgins. The son has to go get a virgin, eat the virgin soul to the mother so she can stay alive.
Oh, yeah. That's the theme of the movie. And do they feed by fucking? But they well, they begin by fucking before they're feeding.
No, that's that's just the beginning of the movie. Oh, and I don't mean it's just the beginning.
Come on, son. Exactly. It is exactly that. That is exactly the scene.
You know what? I don't want to go to Stephen King's little town. Yeah, this movie is insane.
The story is in this was just like, it's not going to be a book for him. It's like if you put Twilight cat people in a truckload of catnip into a blender.
Just that's what Stephen King wrote. It is. And as I as I got to thinking about it and watching it, I really made me question a lot of things about Stephen King.
This is kind of a recurring theme, isn't it? With Stephen King and bombs? No, this is Stephen King's animal.
So nine inch nails. They wanted to get dropped from their label, so they made the song animal and it became a giant hit.
No, it is straight up mom fucking. It's not there's no like it's not just alluded to.
There is straight up mom fucking. They've literally the opening scene is straight up.
Just mom into the bedroom. Let's that's what I'm saying. I'm thinking I'm thinking you I'm going to put this conspiracy out there maybe.
But I think he got pushed contractually. They're like you have to write a movie like a screenplay for a movie and he didn't want to.
So he wrote this is like, OK, so it starts with this guy fucking his mom. Yeah, we're going to zoom in.
We zoom in on a mother's asshole as it's flopping up and down on her son's erect dick.
We then as she's choking on his tongue.
And we're going to do like a two girls, one cup, but it's going to be with souls instead of poop. Yeah, I hate that.
I will say this about the movie. It's now completely downright uncomfortable.
It's a downright uncomfortable movie to watch. Yeah, it sounds uncomfortable. Yeah, a lot of cats.
OK, the cats are the thing that they're afraid of, even though they're cat people, they're vampire cat people.
OK, and but cats fuck them up. If a cat scratches them, it's like it fucks them up. It'll kill them.
That's their weaknesses of amputation.
There's some stupid deaths in it, of course, like the porn cop in the back, just dumb, creative.
It's not downright. It's not boring.
There's some, you know, stuff like amazing exploding bullets in it that they do.
The lady shoots a car just like through the windshield with just a regular gun, two cars with a regular gun.
OK, the mom, love it. It's it's that kind of stupid, but uncomfortably stupid.
Stephen King, don't watch with your kid, don't watch with you.
Actually, don't watch, you know, just don't watch.
OK, what do you give it as a grade out of out of out of five vampire pussies?
I gave it to mangy shape shifting cats to mangy ship shape shifting cats out of five.
It's just straight up incest.
I have lots of questions about Stephen King's relationship with his mother and father,
which there was none with his father.
I found out, too, you know, he left when he was two, went to get cigarettes when he was two, never came back.
And it was obviously very close with mom. Single mom raised him.
Well, hey, don't shit on Stephen.
He wrote this, not me.
It's a screenplay. Do you think the guy that wrote?
I just know those are the things that are in my head.
He wanted to get out of it.
He wanted to get out of making this movie.
I want it out of this movie.
Really? It was because of the way we found it going through her picking out of the 67 things on it.
I had paid three dollars for this piece.
Oh, my God. You bought it.
Mike, you could have went to Pornhub and just typed in stepson or stepmom or whatever.
I got it. Save yourself the time.
So one money. So great.
But you know, let's save some time.
You know, listen, it actually unlike a lot of stuff we've done, made money.
It was a 15 million dollar movie that made 30 million.
What the fuck? Yeah.
He was beside himself.
It's like, Jesus, but the cameos in it, the cameos in it.
That's the thing that I got out of it.
Two things. The two stars are allergic to cats and there's cats everywhere in this movie.
It's a letter. There are cats.
There are so many. Oh, the stars themselves are allergic.
Yes. And the two stars. Oh, that's how do you say her name?
Magic and Amic. I think is it and matchstick matchstick Maggie.
And you're saying Matt Mad Max Madchen Amic.
A magic magic magic.
The only movie in the world that has Stephen King and Clive Barker in the same scene.
Oh, Clive Barker.
He's another writer, director guy, writer.
So, yes, Stephen King plays. There's a lot of cameos.
Stephen King plays a graveyard caretaker.
Clive Barker is a forensic technician.
John Landis, Toby Hooper.
Oh, and Mark Hamill. Oh, very cool.
Is it for like literally 30 seconds? Is this pre or post slipstream?
1992, 92 post.
So this is after the success of slipstream.
Yeah, I'll fucking do the incest movie. I don't care.
I got to repair my career.
Listen, this this could have been on board.
It was that. Yeah.
Yeah, it was that graphic.
Good tits, Mike.
Good tits. Were there tits?
Listen, I didn't even know I could. It was hard to watch.
I don't know. I don't remember if there were.
I couldn't really look at the screen.
There was a lot of that side ass boob stuff.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
This must have been really uncomfortable.
It was very uncomfortable with my wife.
Don't watch with your wife and grandchildren.
I'm definitely not going to pull this up on my phone in the bathroom.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, grandma, I've got a movie we can watch.
Don't get any ideas.
I can't get my grandma to watch anything.
So Mike was a one and a half and a two out of fives for his two movies.
Yeah. Brennan.
What did you pick? Give it to Mike. Mike.
Well, Mike definitely made me feel better about my pick.
Oh, turn him up a bit. Yeah, Jesus.
Are you like magnetizing the microphones or something?
Keep breaking our shit, bro.
So, yeah, I was trying to figure out what I was going to pick,
and I just wanted to go with classic ones that I've seen.
But my wife kind of convinced me to watch one I haven't seen.
Oh, OK.
So she sent me a trailer to a movie that's on Netflix.
Watch the trailer. Look great.
Watch the movie. It's called Mr.
Harrigan's phone. Oh, shit.
Yeah, it just came out, I think, last year.
Yeah. So it's that's the is that the boy?
Well, OK, but based on a short story
in one of his collections, short stories called Mr. Harrigan's phone.
Yeah, I love that short story.
Yeah, I could imagine the short stories much better than the film
because the film kind of felt stretched.
Yeah, it felt it felt stretched very much stretched.
Oh, like, yeah, OK, because the book is the short story is not that complicated.
I can imagine it's like a like maybe a 30 minute read.
Boy gets cell phone that's
potentially communicating from the dead.
And then in the in the movie, basically, it starts out like he's a kid.
And then Mr. Harrigan's an old man.
He's a billionaire.
And this is like right before cell phones like or at least
smartphones. And
he's he's getting old.
So he hires the kid to come over and read to him twice a week.
And the kid starts doing it.
And then he continues to do it as he grows older, starts high school.
And like, you know, Mr. Harrigan's get older and he's like, you know,
why do you continue to do this?
He's like, well, I actually enjoy our time.
I enjoy our conversations like all of that.
Seeing their relationship and bond was kind of cool.
And then he introduces them to iPhones.
He gets him an iPhone and kind of shows him how to work the iPhone.
And kind of shows him the stock market and everything.
I remember that. And so he gets into the phone and then
kind of like predicts like where the phone is going to take human,
you know, where it's going to take us.
He's like, it's going to be the downfall of man.
Like it's going to lead to this, this and that.
Like it's all free now, but it's all going to cost later.
And then he ends up dying.
And the kid like, you know, takes his phone and buries it with like puts him
in his casket as at his grave or funeral because it's like a symbol of his
symbol of their friendship, the symbol of their friendship.
Hey, I got you this phone because I remember when he got the phone,
he's like, wait a minute.
I can just look at stocks as they're live trading on the like,
like I can see up to minute like I don't have to call my broker
it to go do a thing anymore.
Like it revolutionized his thought of like a business.
What what phones are capable of?
I know he thought it was evil, but at the same time, he saw their potential.
Yeah, the tool of it all.
He's like, it's all free.
It's like, well, how this is weird.
Like, you know, but he yeah, he learns to love it.
And like they have basically they end up setting up ringtone for each other
with the same song.
It's old classics on.
I forget. Stand by your man.
So like after he dies, like the kid has a rough day and he like calls his cell
phone and leaves a voicemail.
He's like, I had a really hard day.
Like this happened.
And like, you know, he gets a text immediately back and it's like three
his three letters and then another like two letters.
And he was like, what?
This is weird and like trying to figure it out.
Then he gets bullied and gets attacked by a bully.
And then he calls the phone again.
And he's like, I got bullied today.
I wish you were here to give me some advice or something.
And then that same night, the bully dies mysteriously.
And like it happens a couple other times, but it's a very long, kind of slow movie.
But it was interesting.
Now, I did notice the actors were was is it Christopher?
Boy, who's the main old guy?
Uh, Kiefer Sutherland's dad.
So Donald Sutherland, who just died.
Yeah. Yeah.
He was. Oh, shit.
You think that that actor who played the kid is getting text messages from Donald Sutherland?
Could you imagine?
He might like he looks at his cell phone and like, I don't know where he is.
Ah, yeah.
Oh, fuck. Yeah, I would at least once.
The weirdos that watch this show.
Yeah. Change.
All you have to do is change Donald Sutherland, like the name in his phone to your name is
Donald Sutherland or whatever, then start texting from it.
But well, he had his name as well.
It was months ago that he died.
So, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, it was a little. Yeah, I don't know.
He's an old man, though. Well, R.I.P. Yeah.
But it was it was a slow movie.
It was kind of a buildup with just kind of a lackluster ending.
As I got to the end, I definitely Mike, I heard Mike in my head like Stephen King
doesn't know how to write the ending of the movie.
But like I could imagine that as the short story, it was probably much better.
It was much more of an impactful ending.
But they stretched it out to like an hour and 45 minute movie.
It just felt long. Yeah.
That's kind of the point we were making earlier.
Just so what do you give it as a grade?
I'd give it a two, a two.
What bars?
Two stock exchanges, two stocks, two points of stock.
Speaking of endings on all our movies, I want to say I will say this for Sleepwalkers.
It actually did have an ending. It's one of the rarest Stephen Kings.
It ends. They all die like they're supposed to.
It's kind of it's written for the movie, you can tell, because he does like close it out.
It's written as a screenplay, has a beginning, middle and it's it actually has the form.
I think what happens with the books is when they try and make them into movies,
because book writing is different than movie writing
and they just don't know what to do at the end, I think, in movies a lot of times with Stephen King stuff.
It's kind of interesting. Like what was your movie? Cell. Ending?
Oh, the ending is good, but it is it is one of the ones that leaves it up to interpretation.
I'm going to say this. I think that the conspiracy that Stephen King has bad endings
was made by James Patterson and Dean Koontz a long time ago.
He doesn't have bad endings. They just put out a little bad press and that's it.
The other movies I wanted to pick definitely have great endings. Stand By Me, The Green Mile.
Those were like my other two picks. My mom pushed me to watch Pet Sematary.
Pet Sematary. It's not horror stuff. It does great endings.
Yeah. Well, we're at 45 minutes. I'm going to get into mine.
So I watched. I watched. It's a good one.
Yeah, no, no, no, for sure. So I watched Carrie and I watched Carrie.
And I watched Carrie the musical and I watched The Rage, Carrie 2.
And I watched the first episode of The Carrie Diaries.
And you're going to carry this. Here we go.
So we're going to start with Carrie the musical. It's on YouTube.
The songs, the songs were fucking awesome.
The acting from everyone from except for the mom and Carrie.
So the mom and Carrie in the YouTube that you could find for free for Carrie, the musical.
Fucking crushed it. Your heart breaks when they interact.
Your heart breaks when you see Carrie get bullied. They did so good.
The songs, some of them are great.
Some of them are like a little bit greasy, you know, like from Greece.
It's like it's like boys in the locker room going like, hey, yeah, we're in the locker room.
The girls go like, hey, yeah, but I get it.
Tell me more, tell me more. Exactly.
Yeah. Fuck his mom. Yeah.
Tell me more. Tell me more. Is she Christian bitch?
Yeah. So in this one, because we all know the story of Carrie.
Carrie is a girl who's religious.
She's being religiously put under under the thumb of her mom,
where she's not allowed to know anything about anything.
And she goes to school and she's a nobody.
Everybody just doesn't pay attention to her.
It's a volleyball thing.
She misses the ball. They say, you eat shit, Carrie.
That's like the big insult.
And then she goes to the locker room, has her first period, freaks the fuck out.
Everyone starts making fun of her.
They double down on that.
One of the mean girls isn't allowed to go to prom anymore.
And because of that, she and her fucking dickhead boyfriend kill a pig,
take all of its blood, put a bucket over the stage.
If they rig the thing. So Carrie wins prom.
When she wins prom, they dump the bucket over her head.
Well, guess what? Carrie said telekinetic powers this whole time.
You fucking moron. She burns the gym down.
Everyone dies. Most of the people dies.
There's a girl named Sue Snell, and Sue Snell is one of the girls
that initially made fun of her, but then throughout it is like,
oh, this is fucked up and I feel bad.
So she gets her boyfriend, the hot guy that Carrie White likes
to ask Carrie to the prom.
And that and he genuinely likes Carrie and he kisses her in some of the variations.
He likes her. He's having a good time.
He's not in on the plan.
And he ends up dying from her rage.
Sue Snell makes it.
The teacher lives as well than some of the variations.
That's the basic Carrie story. We have it covered, right?
So now we're going to go into the differences between these.
So the ending of Carrie, the musical, not enough blood.
They I think they missed the bucket.
I think it's like a like a live theater thing where just the bucket
didn't hit as full as it should have.
I didn't not enough blood.
She sort of I think she even sort of did some like wiping.
So it looked a little bit more bloody during it.
But the lights flashing strobe light effect where she's just kind of doing this
and you just see kids fucking dropping and you see all this cool shit on live stage.
Holy fucking shit.
What a cool ending. Absolutely loved it.
Next, we have Carrie 2013 starring Chloe Grace Moritz as Carrie.
So she when she uses her powers, it's fucking awesome
because the CGI that they had allows her to do it.
She uses a lot more of it throughout the movie and it looks fucking cool.
Julianne Moore is absolutely terrifying.
She might be my favorite of the mothers of the three mothers,
even though the other one had a lot of singing on her plate.
The actors all look good for their roles.
I hate them so fucking much.
The bullies, the bully bitch in this one is such a fucking bitch.
You hate every second she's on screen.
I think Chloe Grace might I put that she's the goat Carrie,
but I had not seen the 76 one yet.
So I might change my opinion on that.
Judy Greer plays the PE teacher slash one that tries to console Carrie
throughout the whole thing and tells her that she's beautiful,
that she should believe in herself.
She's great. She's great.
But I also am now starting to think that that character in general is the bully,
because if she didn't put if she didn't push the bully chick to lose her
prom privileges, then Carrie wouldn't have gotten none of this would have happened.
So it's like fucked up.
And I think but she didn't deserve whatever.
Anyway, the ending. Plenty of blood.
Definitely the bloodiest of them all.
They go full blood on her.
The killings are fucking awesome because it's CGI.
And we'll get into why hers is the best of the endings,
the bloody spree that she goes on, because not only does she like fuck up
everybody in there, she kills.
I think no, she doesn't kill Judy Greer.
I think she picks her up, puts her down on the stage,
and then just starts fucking killing everybody.
She then leaves this leaves the place and walks down the street,
starts blowing up shit around her, which I love the addition of.
And her destroying the car was fucking awesome.
She fucking like crumples it and then throws it into a gas station and it blows up.
Very cool.
I'm picturing Firestarter with blood. Kind of exactly.
So I love that her.
Oh, and then and then, oh, at the end of each carry,
the big thing is Carrie comes home after her destruction covered in blood.
She takes a bath. She gets clean.
Her mother's there and her mother tries to console her.
And she's like, it's OK, baby girl, we'll start praying because that's what they do.
And then as they're praying, her mom pulls out a butcher knife,
stabs Carrie in the back and tries to kill her.
But it does not work.
And Carrie backs up bloody and she gets stabbed maybe once or twice more,
depending on what you're watching.
And she uses her telekinesis to keep her mom away.
But her mom keeps coming at her.
And then eventually she picks her mom up with telekinesis,
picks up all the fucking knives and shit inside the room and impales her
like Jesus against the fucking wall with a bunch of tools inside of her.
And then she walks up and starts pulling them all out, holds her dying mom,
freaks the fuck out and crumples the house in on top of herself, killing herself.
And then it cuts to a gravestone or the house destruction itself.
And there's a sign saying Carrie White burns in hell
that someone wrote in fucking Sharpie pointing down at the ground.
It's fucking brutal because she just killed a shitload of teenagers.
So in this one, I love how cool the fucking house destruction was.
Like it's fucking awesome.
Now we get into Carrie 1976.
So 1976, sissy space is the is the best fucking Carrie.
She absolutely is this meek girl that doesn't mean anyone any harm.
But but they just pick on her for no reason.
The bullies are fucking terrible.
Mike would have lost his goddamn mind.
The opening of this is just two and a half minutes of naked teenage girls
in a locker room in his titties and pussy galore.
We're full frontal nudity. You would have loved it.
Guess who the bad guy is.
Guess who the bad girl's boyfriend is that helps her kill the pig
and put the blood in. And he's a real dickhead.
Hey, don't call me dumb shit.
He fucking smacks her in the face.
It's a very young John Travolta.
Yeah, it's very funny. And he's the bad guy. And he's great.
There's a moment for no reason, absolutely no reason that I could think of.
And I should have written down the timestamp to show you guys.
They're talking. It's at the tuck shop.
It's at these guys. They're just they're at the tuck shop getting ready for prom.
And as they're talking, it does a
as they're talking, like a like a fast forward for about 10 seconds.
And then they just continue their scene.
So so they're just it's like, oh, yeah, cool, man.
You look great. This tux.
But you know, all right, man, let's go.
And then I'm like, what the fuck was that?
What a weird choice.
Brian De Palma, who directed this, I think.
Oh, since I watched this in reverse order of 2013 and then the old one,
the decorations in the 2013 movie matched the decorations
from the 1976 version almost to a T.
They like copied the theme and the like low key,
like the low effort decorations that it had.
And the ending is not enough blood.
I would say even though it's the original,
I still think there could have been more blood.
She does look cool, like the initial pour of the blood
was not bloody enough, but she ends up looking way bloodier.
Then it gets into the ending.
And OK, listen, 1976, maybe you were starved for options
as to what a fucking bloody massacre is supposed to look like.
But I promise you that the director should have known that her taking
the fire hose with her telekinesis and it just sort of floating there
and spraying people with water is the least terrifying thing
you could possibly do with telekinesis.
She literally shuts all the doors with her mind.
Like literally in the 2013 one, the guys start running up the bleachers
and she fucking crushes the bleachers on them and they get snapped
in fucking half and shit.
And she's closing doors in on people.
And she's raining down fucking glass and blowing shit up.
And it's fucking destructive.
And people are dying.
By the way, a big note for Chloe Grace Moritz, if I'm saying her name right.
Her acting is all in the arms and movement.
She's doing a lot of like this and pulling shit down and a lot of that.
Right. Sissy Spacek.
Hers is a lot of.
Looking violently at someone and then you hear the noise
and then like something happens.
So like hers is more of a facial thing,
whereas Chloe is like she's doing more of like the channeling,
like more of a modern I have telekinesis vibe.
Just get you when you gave me that look, you just remind me of that like gopher thing.
Da da da!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's exactly the look I got.
So she.
So, yeah, the not enough blood, the hose is lame as fuck.
Oh, and then she.
I believe I don't know if it's this one.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I put Carrie all in the face.
Oh, that's that's my note.
OK, so I wonder what that meant.
The teacher dies in the original.
So the one that helped her, she like kills her.
She fucking kills her.
And then I actually put down that the car blowing up
was way cooler in the 76 one, because what happens in that one.
So in the in the in the 2013 one, there's a pretty cool thing where she
the bully and the and the bad chick see Carrie after all of this has gone down.
He's in his car.
And she's like, kill him, Billy, kill him.
And they fucking start driving after her.
And right when they are about to hit her, she turns around, stops the car.
Right. And when she stops the car, Billy smashes his fucking face
so hard in the steering wheel, he fucking dies.
And she on the seatbelt, like, it's kind of saved or whatever.
And she's like, what the fuck?
And so she like leans down and tries to like get Carrie.
Carrie just starts lifting the car up.
And then she crashes it.
So the girl's face goes into the windshield.
And then she throws it in the gas station. Right. It blows up.
Carrie, 1976, she's walking.
The car's coming up from behind her.
She just turns her head.
The car fucking smashes.
And then she throws like it tumbles like it crashes.
So she goes, crashes.
And then she looks at it again and just fucking instantly just blows up visceral.
She's just just fucking blows up. Fucking awesome.
Was it a difference in practical versus CGI?
Yeah, it definitely was. It was practical versus CGI.
So that was cool.
Then we get into the rage, Carrie, too.
So this is a direct sequel to the 1976 movie. OK.
This is now we follow a young girl named Rachel.
Rachel has a best friend in Mia Savari, who's an actress that
you would recognize if you saw her face.
There are these two goth chicks.
They have other friends like she's popular.
I was like, OK, cool.
This is what the sequel.
Oh, shit. I forgot to look at 2013.
Maybe no.
Damn it. Can you do it?
Like close? I'm just trying to see if it was like 78 or something.
No, no, no. Sorry. The Rage, Carrie, too, is definitely a modern movie.
2000 something, maybe 2000.
Brennan's about to find out.
So it opens with kind of a cool scene where it's just a red paintbrush
painting a room red, but sort of randomly.
And you find out that it's this mother with a young child
and the mother's insane and she ends up slapping the girl across the face
with the red paintbrush.
And then it cuts.
It cuts to that same girl now living in a foster home.
And she her mother's in the insane asylum.
The foster home parents are not quite abusive.
They're not. But they're mean to her.
It's like they're in it for the money and they know that they can't like be there.
1999, 1999. OK.
Yeah. So 99. Yeah.
Yeah. So so I was like, oh, not Carrie has friends.
So this is a little bit different.
Oh, they have the I put the fucking handshake. OK.
So these two girls, their best friends, they have a handshake.
Their handshake is the most stupid thing I've ever seen.
They each have a tattoo of like a heart surrounded in like maybe vines
with like a thing on it.
It's like the matching tattoos on their arm.
So they go. So when they do their little things, they bite their thumb,
pretend to bite it and they touch each other's tattoo.
They go best blood or whatever.
They say best blood. Yeah. Best blood.
They go best blood. And they touched each other's tattoos.
I'm like, that is fucking stupid. That is so fucking.
Like best blood. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
I'm so glad that was on film.
I hate it so much. Stupid handshake. So she.
It's so extra.
Brad from Home Improvement is in this, the older the older of the three brothers.
He's fucking me a safari.
All the dudes that in their in their little group have a game to see
how many girls they can fuck and they get points depending on who they fuck
and how they fuck them.
And if they fuck them in a public place or whatever the fuck, it's gross.
Normal stuff. Normal stuff.
And so he fucks me a safari's character.
And she very sweetly is telling her friend Rachel on the bus.
I found this this guy, you know, we hooked up and it was like really sweet.
And I kind of like him and like he's going to come to lunch and you're going to meet him.
And then when he's with his friends, Rachel and her friends walk by.
And he says the line, well, that's what you call a coyote date.
And he's like, I don't know what a coyote date is.
And it's like it's when you wake up next to a ugly chick
and you'd rather gnaw off your arm than try to wake her up.
And I was like, oh, that's fucked up.
And they said that right about Brad's chick. So he.
Breaks up with her, he tells her that she was just the fuck.
And so it cuts to her casually walking up to the roof.
And she just like there's a garden up there.
So no one kind of questions it because they have like a roof garden.
But then she just keeps walking, walking, walking without even skipping a beat.
Walks off and she kills herself and Rachel's there and she sees this
and she's starting to freak out and then something telekinetic happens
because Rachel has telekinetic powers.
So she's another type of Carrie.
So the Finch from American Pie is one of her friends.
They're so they cover a lot of same beats as Carrie.
So except like Carrie didn't lose a friend, but like the jocks are
setting her up for failure, right?
So she ends up falling in love with one of the jocks.
The jock and her end up fucking.
They these dudes end up filming it.
And then later on, when she goes to a party,
they show the footage on the screen on all these multiple screens.
Her getting fucked open up the notebook showing how many points
she was worth in their fucking game and then start laughing at her.
That's our prompt.
That's our everything goes to hell.
She kills everyone moment.
So they modernize the story to put modern times.
But then you find out, oh, I put, oh, fuck, that suicide was fucking tough.
And it was it was a hard one to watch.
Like it was like it felt visceral.
The whole game thing reminds me.
I'm forgetting where I heard this from, but it was like a story of this guy.
Him and his friends had a thing where it's like it's like called
Pig Day or some shit.
And they all have to fuck the nastiest, fattest chick they can.
I think the games in like Porky's or something is that the worst one.
Yes. Or something.
I'll say this, though. OK.
I have a hot take on that.
He calls in his life.
I fell in love with this girl, so I don't know how to tell her like
how do I just keep it a secret?
This is people, you know.
No, this is like a thing.
I don't know people like that.
I would say there should be more pig days out there because the listen
controversial don't call it that it's fucked up.
Don't call the women pigs.
But if you and your friends want to get together and go help a bunch of chicks
that don't normally get to fuck hot dudes and you're a bunch of hot dudes, go fuck them.
And then, yeah, like I guess if you're looking at it that way,
but I don't think that was sort of the thought process.
I don't think about those unattractive women who on the best
and like maybe their best days.
And I'm not saying anyone's unattractive.
You're all beautiful, everybody.
But if you feel like you're unattractive and if these men consider you to be that
you get some dick, fuck it, give them, you know, give them an STD on the way out.
If you got one. But anyway,
he puts after the chick falls into the car,
Brad Pitt's character, who's the one that just fuck this chick, walks up
and he goes, oh, no, it might not been his another dude.
But he walks up, he goes, he goes, oh, man, whose car is this?
Like because the car got fucked up.
And then you find out that the counselor of the school is Sue Snell,
the friend of Carrie, who felt bad and Carrie spared at the end of the first movie.
And she she talks about it all.
So she recognizes Rachel having telekinetic ability.
So she's doing everything she can to prevent a Carrie situation,
because she's like, oh, we've got a bully chick with telekinesis.
I know telekinesis is fucking real.
I was there when the fucking school got destroyed.
I put this movie's so fucking good.
It should have been an F.R.P. episode on its own.
Honestly, I really do think
that they have another stupid fucking secret handshake between two of the jocks
where they take their rings and then and they kiss it
and then they put it against each other like they're trying to become the Wonder Twins.
And I fucking hate it.
And then I watched Back to the Future three for a little bit while I was eating.
And they did what to their rings?
They kissed it.
Like, you should. I'm not going to do that.
Then I watched Back to the Future three for a little bit because I was eating.
And and and and here's my here's my thought on that real quick.
So if you're going to watch one and two since you watch three.
Yeah. OK. Well, no, it was it was number three.
I was watching Back to the Future three.
But now you got to watch the other two.
No, I've watched them all. You got to do it now.
I should.
Use them all. Right.
So Doc. So so Marty and Doc get a letter from 18.
Wait, whose doc?
We're not going to get into this.
Everyone have seen Back to the Future.
Doc and Marty get a letter from previous doc from the from Cowboy Times.
And Cowboy Doc is saying that, hey, I'm living my best life.
It's me and this woman named Clara. She's the love of my life.
I'm having a good time. Don't come and get me.
Everything's good. Time machine's busted anyway.
Enjoy your life. I love getting to know you.
Then Doc sends Marta.
Then they realize, oh, he died on September 7th,
like a week after writing that letter. Right. OK.
Now he or like three days after writing that letter.
So then Doc sends Marty back.
And when Marty goes back, when Marty goes back to Cowboy Times,
he's with Doc and Clara.
Clara, Clara Clayton.
No, hold on. Wait, no, I need to finish this thought, Mike.
Clara Clayton.
She's about to fall off a cliff because of her stagecoach. Right.
Doc saves her very heroically.
And when they're done and he says goodbye after dropping her off at the schoolhouse.
Marty makes these.
He goes, yeah, she almost fell off a Clayton Canyon,
which is named after a school teacher who fell off a cliff and died.
So if she was destined to die by falling off that cliff,
then how did Doc Brown meet her and become the love of her life?
He wouldn't have been where Marty and him were when she went off the cliff.
So really, what would have happened is he would have met either a different Clara.
That would have, I guess, rectified the letter situation.
But that's not what they're assuming.
All I'm saying is Doc Brown and Marty experienced a time anomaly
and an acherism that shouldn't have happened.
And I think it needs to be addressed. But we'll get back to it.
Berenstein, I just have to know the whole time you're doing that.
I just want to know, Austin, have you seen this movie?
What you were looking at it with rap like you had not seen the movie.
Did not know the plot while he was going through the plot.
You were looking at Andy like, is he really going through the plot of Back to the Future?
Yeah, on camera, I don't want to be like
he's just wrapped looking at you like, really, what happened next?
Yeah. OK. So then I got back to the movie.
I was I was thinking he even tangents when we're not here.
I do. I do.
That was in the middle of me writing notes and shit.
I went and watched another movie a little bit.
OK, so then, oh, he had a great burn for one of his
his lifelong buddy after his buddy was a dick to carry to Rachel.
He's like, he's like, hey, man, we're all friends.
He's like, no, we just grew up together.
I was like, oh, that's a fucking burn.
She goes and visits
Sue Snell visits Rachel's mom at the Insane Asylum,
and it is one of the creepiest, most uncomfortable,
insane asylum shots like weird.
There's this guy who just he walks up. He's like, oh, hey, yeah, you're my wife.
You're my wife. And she's like, no, and get the fuck away from me.
And then he just kind of following them the whole time.
Just like, you know, like looking away whenever they look and it's just fucking creepy.
Bob's over in the corner. Bob.
What about Bob's Bob?
OK, Mike, that episode came out months ago.
So, OK, so then we find out
who Rachel's dad is and because like
Sue Snell is talking to to Rachel's mom and she's going,
your daughter has supernatural powers.
She has telekinesis, just like a girl that I knew named Carrie White.
And the mom goes, well, that makes sense,
because if it's passed out through the father, she has the same father's Carrie White.
And I'm like, oh, shit. So that's Carrie's daughter.
Sorry, Carrie's sister, half sister.
So Carrie has a half sister with telekinesis
who has now been filmed having sex.
So what happens is when she goes fucking ham, she fucking kills everybody,
including at one point Sue Snell, the teacher.
She's looking through the eye hole because she can't get the fucking door open.
And Rachel throws a like a coat hanger or like a coat rack or something
across the room, goes through a dude's head into the door through Sue Snell's head,
kills her. So fucking straight up kills her. Then
fires fucking exploding. Everyone's running.
Everyone's bloody. It's all fucking great. She's killing everybody.
It cuts to Finch from American Pie who couldn't get into the party.
He's outside on his car. He's like, hey, we're missing a killer party.
I was like, that's fucking great. Why the end?
Then I put the ending. Not enough blood.
Still the 76 or the 2013 was the bloodiest, but it's fucking awesome.
And then I realized, oh, that's not the ending of this one.
It's not just going to end there. Then it gets to the the the the three kind of
home improvement dude and the other two bitches are there.
They each get spear guns or whatever, and they are about to spear
her, but she fucking makes one of their eyes explode.
The chick and she turns and shoots the dude's dick off with a spear gun.
It goes off of his body into the fucking pool that's next to them.
You see the dick just like just go by. I'm like fucking awesome, dude.
And then she there's a bunch of pool stuff.
The mom shows up. Rachel gets gets killed.
But I actually got really sad because the ending was
it's it still has the video of her fucking in the background.
That guy who she fucked, who actually was in love with her, he shows up.
He's walking around all the bloody shit and everything.
And he sees her and he goes, Rachel.
And she goes, I'm just a fucking number to you.
I was just like a score, you know, like like a points or whatever.
He's like, no, I love you. I'm fucking sorry.
Like, I don't I didn't know they did this.
Like, I wasn't doing this for the game or whatever.
And then she's about to fucking kill him.
But then she hears on the TV that after she had fallen asleep, he goes, I love you.
And he said that to her after she fell asleep.
So she hears that and she keeps rewinding it with her mind,
which I don't know what telekinesis does for fucking VCRs.
But she she was doing that.
And it's very sweet.
And then she fucking kills herself and she throws him away into the pool.
And then she fucking kills herself.
And it's so sad, actually felt really bad.
So then they do and then they do.
And I put B fucking plus on that one.
But they did a fucked up dream fake out at the end where he's at his mirror
and everything looks kind of fine.
And he sees Carrie, a Rachel walk through the window and he turns around
and they start making out.
And then she fucking explodes into a thousand pieces screaming at him.
And then it cuts back to the mirror.
And it's just him looking haggard and fucking just distraught and destroyed
because he lost his girlfriend.
Yeah, it's fucked up.
So absolutely banger of a movie.
Way better than I thought it was at any right to be.
Then I watched The Carrie Diaries, the first episode, and
this now this one was a bit different.
Wait, I just have to.
When did you do this this week?
I know what this week was.
All of it last night.
All of it. All the Carries.
And what about Bob was last night?
Did you sleep? No.
I went to bed at like five a.m.
What speed did you watch?
Yeah, don't worry about it.
So I watched well, the Carrie Diaries didn't have a speed up option.
So it's the only one I watched it full speed.
So the Carrie Diaries.
Opens with a little bit different, you would expect.
So she in this one, her mom is actually dead
and she's living with her dad and her sister.
So I'm like, OK, so they're changing the family dynamic.
She has a sister now and only that interesting.
OK, so it's the 80s.
All right. It's a little bit more of an upbeat filming, which I'm like, OK,
that probably make the horror later on more interesting television, though, right?
Yeah, it's a television show.
So it's a yeah. Carrie Diaries.
So she's blonde.
She's played by Anna Sophia Robb, I think is her name.
So she has friends like girl friends that that talk to her
who had just lost their virginities and she hasn't yet.
So I'm thinking maybe that's part of it.
She loses her virginity. She loses her shit.
And I was like, she does look the most like care, like what I imagine
Carrie from the book looking like one of her friends makes a funny thing
because she's a high school girl that just lost her virginity.
And they asked her about it.
And she's like, it's like putting a hot dog in a keyhole.
And I was like, oh, shit. Weird.
Dick and a cheerio. Yeah.
It's a different take on her character.
She's more upbeat. She's less silly.
This Carrie, like she seems to be more interested in popularity.
I haven't seen any telekinesis. I might have missed it.
So there's a lot about this purse that her mom gave her.
And I couldn't really identify any like any bully characters or anything
triggering to trigger a massacre.
So, like, I really didn't know was going Molly Ringwald makes an appearance.
She gets an internship at a fashion magazine, this this Carrie.
And I'm like, OK, there's a lot of fashion stuff.
So I'm like, this is weird.
And I don't know how her telekinesis is going to come into play.
And I'm like, OK, then a guy starts being a dick to her.
It's sort of going out with a different chick.
And I'm like, here we go. Here we fucking go.
And I see that she's getting upset and I see that she's ramping up her powers.
And then it gets to the end of the episode and there's no blood.
Not at all. No deaths. No destructions.
I mean, I hope she makes it in the fashion industry,
but I don't see how great of a Carrie adaptation it is.
Yeah. Well, I think one episode of a series, they have to do the setup.
I don't think you're doing like episode five or something.
You know, I should. Yeah, I should have kept going maybe to the end of the season.
But as far as I know, this Carrie, whose her name is Carrie Bradshaw in this one.
And I don't think that's her name in the other ones.
So I. But anyway, Carrie Bradshaw, not the name of another character for what?
I think is that a Sex and the City character?
I think it is.
So you're saying, I don't know.
I don't know. I'm just curious.
What is her before she had sex with her?
Before she had sex in the city?
No, that can't hold on.
Carrie. Diaries.
Well, it's looking up.
Yeah, the Carrie Diaries, Carrie Diaries or Carrie Bradshaw, Carrie Diaries.
Oh, the CW.
Yeah, I was thought it was weird that they would do the CW as well.
The Carrie Watchers, I didn't know you're in that group.
It's the only apparently is in the carry watchers.
Did you also read the book this week?
He's halfway through it.
Way through the book. He started five minutes ago.
He's listening at 30 X speed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rampage. OK.
Yeah, the Carrie Diaries is an American comedy, drama, television, comedy,
a prequel to the HBO series.
That's what it's like. What?
So you were watching something that was not about Carrie at all.
That's hilarious.
Well, that explains a few things.
Carrie Bradshaw is the sex of the city character.
Explains it.
It wasn't a single death.
Not a single fucking death.
Oh, my God.
This is what happens when you watch everything.
It's 45 minutes long.
It's not even a half hour.
He's just looking slack, John.
Oh, anything with Carrie?
Well, I ranked them.
Well, it's a good thing you didn't listen to that Carrie Underwood album.
Carrie Diaries is on number five.
Well, now you got to finish the show.
Yeah.
I cared so much about her fashion career.
I'm like, what are you going to use your powers?
I wonder you didn't notice any telekinesis stuff going on.
There was a moment she doesn't get her powers yet.
Her powers when she took a black purse that had white out on it
and turned it into a cool 80s purse.
Don't know there's no telekinesis in this.
Oh, my God. Well,
the ranking is one, the rage carry to to carry 2013 three carry musical
for Carrie 1976 only because of the aging.
I thought it was well done, but I don't like the mother parts very much.
And it just ruined the problems again.
Yeah. Well, no, three ruined problems, a ruined party and God,
a ruined fashion career with number five Carrie Diaries.
And then I started my notes, more notes about Back to the Future three.
So anyway. I give it that's mine.
I did mine as a ranking as opposed to grades, so fuck it.
So it's oh, you ranked all five.
Yeah, you can literally do it all for you.
Yeah, do it. Yeah, whatever.
Well, yeah, it's like we got to throw the last one.
The rage gets one carry out of Carrie.
Carrie gets one gets two carries out of oh, no, sorry.
The rage gets five carries out of carries.
These are all notes from the Carrie Diaries.
You did a whole page and so you didn't notice.
You didn't notice the heart for the eye and think like that's kind of weird.
It's kind of weird. Well, she.
Oh, she had a great line, though.
She's like, I did lose my virginity to a man tonight.
A man. She literally said, I did lose my virginity.
Tonight to a man.
Manhattan will save.
We'll save this for International Women's Day or something to chick flick day on
Fred Rice.
Yeah, I got her name right.
And it's a very broad.
I'm just trying to salvage it so you can feel like I watched the whole Carrie Diaries.
That's my chick flick for International Women's Day.
It would have been even better.
Had you just kept watching waiting for the dog.
I think you got to finish that three seasons.
It's it has been a single.
Why is there no blood?
Is it?
Oh, she's got her period.
She's just trying to have sex in some city.
You go on to watch Sex in the City after because you still wait.
I know I'm just waiting.
I'm watching I'm watching Sex in the City to the movie.
I'm like, all right, she's got to kill someone in this one.
So I've waited 30 goddamn years of her life.
So wait, I know you questioned it, but you were like, yeah, this is part of Carrie.
You finished the episode one.
You're like, this is Carrie.
They made a Chucky move a show where I don't think Chuckie made an appearance until like
episode three.
I thought, all right, slow build with a happy build up.
Give us a real upbeat Carrie at the top with friends and then take it all away from her
and then have her fucking lose it.
Look, they made it a little funny.
That's nice.
Yeah.
Well shit.
Anyway, ladies and germs, this has been another spooktacular night.
How many accidental chick flicks do you rate the first movie?
It's like how to lose a guy.
Wait, wait, wait.
How many episodes of the Carrie Diaries out of 10?
All the Carrie series, the real Carrie.
God damn.
I will say though, the fact that her and her sister at the end patched things up over the
purse was nice.
Didn't know how it led to fucking goddamn superpowers or any relation to Stephen King.
I should have noticed when it said not based on a book by Stephen King in the opening.
Fuck.
All right.
So anyway, that was my pick.
I thought it was being fun picking the Carrie's, but this is a shout out to Care Bear, our
coworker Carrie, who we all love.
I've said her name about a dozen times.
Maybe that's why I picked it is because one of my friends is named Carrie and we love
her.
So anyway, this has been probably the longest.
Well, maybe not.
These could be long.
Go fuck yourselves.
Who cares?
They're fun.
It's been another spooktacular Fried Rice podcast special.
I've been your host, Andy Rice with me as always has been.
Shit, I wrote this down.
Not really.
It's been Ryan Ryan.
You said Ryan earlier.
I've been thinking about him.
You killed him.
You did your trumpet.
I'm thinking you're right.
Months ago, we have one bar out of five bars.
Austin Farrell.
Yo, we have Mike watched two movies.
What were they again?
Oh, yeah.
Here we go.
One of them was.
Yeah.
Mike with a total of one and a half and two out of five plane
tickets to Maine and mangy cats.
Yeah, cats.
So you said something shitting people shitting cat people
pussies at a five.
Yeah, was some dude fucking his mom for some reason.
Yeah.
Thanks, Stephen King.
Okay.
With this is always is bread in.
Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't
don't he ship me up to Boston.
He brings the joints.
We get lost in.
He's definitely not Austin.
He's Brandon Shipley.
Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't
don't and he's going to finish that Carrie show and I've been
your host Andy Rice.
The guy that should have picked up on the signs at three
o'clock this morning after a Carrie fest rice.
This has been fried rice podcast.
We've been fried.
We've been podcast.
We've been rice.
I fuck that up.
You