the old time Morgan, Jimmy.
And welcome everybody to another exciting old timey episode
of Fried Rad Podcast.
This is Halloween, 17 nights of Halloween.
Tonight, old timey horror.
Ha ha, like, I don't know what that was.
This was a bad idea.
All right, with me as always is Austin, Feral.
And check me out on Groove Shark.
With me as always is Michael, wish he was dead, Larsen.
Hey everybody.
With me as always is Brendan.
A scoop, a doop, a doop, a scoop, a doop, a doop,
a scoop, a doop, a doop, a doop,
Shipley up to Boston.
Hello everybody.
That was like an old timey.
And I'm your host, Andy Rice.
Welcome to Fried Rad Podcast.
No, I already did that.
You can stop now.
Let's get fried.
I'll never do that again, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome though to another episode of our spooky,
tacky, 17 nights of Halloween tonight.
Was a little bit of homework for us
because we stepped out of our comfort zones
in big ways I feel.
Because tonight's assignment was classic horror.
Our only rule was pre 1970.
But I will say, I think the spirit of the watch,
the spirit of the assignment was to watch something
like pretty fucking old, right?
Like you, like, you won't like, I don't know.
Well, we'll see how you guys interpreted this.
I'm curious.
Out of my comfort zone, for sure.
Yeah, so let's get straight into it.
We're smoking some Cali Tropic,
Tropicali, Sativa, Jeter joint.
No, we haven't, we just started.
This is the first time.
God, I really hope nobody listens to all of these
and realizes, wait a minute, did they record these?
At the same time as this?
Yeah, at the same time as this other thing?
Yeah, I hope so.
I feel like that should be like an Easter egg
so they can figure out.
Can you figure out when we shot this?
The last one literally, Trump got shot during,
but that could come out after this, we don't know.
Yeah, we don't know.
It's gonna come out.
Wait a minute, really?
That's gonna be a dead giveaway.
Trump got shot, that was months ago.
Yeah, I know.
I know exactly when, the date and time
that they recorded this on a Saturday at 3 p.m.
Yeah, in an undisclosed location.
So, yeah, let's get into it, man.
We'll start with, we started with,
I typically always go in a circle.
Let's start with you this time, Mike,
and we'll go all crisscross applesauce.
Okay, well, I got out of my comfort zone
quite a bit for this movie.
I was looking for something different,
something we haven't done.
So I did Roman Polanski, which,
I've never even watched a Roman Polanski movie
that I know of.
Maybe I have, but I'm not, in my mind,
it's not a Roman Polanski movie.
But, what, is my volume off?
No, you gotta just talk louder.
Okay.
Talk into the mic.
Okay, I'm actually touching the mic,
so I don't know if I can get much closer.
I watched Repulsion.
It was 1965, so I don't know,
that's what I said, it's not that far back in horror,
but it's a, so, it's black and white.
It's, it's repulsive.
I guess would be the word, but in a good way.
I mean, Repulsion refers in that movie, in this movie,
to the psychological horror that this woman goes through.
It's actually a medical condition
where she's like scared of all men.
I was gonna maybe watch this.
I saw a picture of her, so, what is it,
her, like, her family goes out of town and leaves her alone.
She lives with her sister, and her sister leaves her alone,
and she's, but she's already had this problem
with, and she's been watching her sister's relationship
with this guy, and, and, as the, who's a married guy,
and so as it goes on, she doesn't trust men,
and then she slowly goes insane being left alone
through the whole movie.
She's slowly going more and more insane,
so it's a psychological horror.
It's not as horror as I thought it was gonna be,
although it's, there's some, it's horrific,
but it's not like a slasher movie,
although there is slashing.
She actually slashes somebody up with a knife
with a straight razor.
There's some slasher stuff in it,
but it's, it's way more of a thriller.
Very creepy.
Roman Polanski is the guy that's currently
in another country because of all the weird sex stuff
he did with underage kids.
I think so, I don't really, I don't know that,
well, I think, was he the one that was with me at,
no, that's not him.
I think he, he hooked up with like a 12-year-old or something.
Not hooked up, sorry, that's not the right language.
I think he like, SA sexually assaulted a 12-year-old.
I don't know the back story.
I know that they said when I was reading about this
that there's an apartment series
that he had a rough childhood or whatever,
and that a lot of this is drawn from his childhood.
But this is, if you watch this, it's,
it'll tell you that movies, cinema,
it's so different from anything you've ever seen.
Anything I've ever seen, honestly.
I'll give you some examples.
The walls crack, so it has horror elements in it.
The walls crack, hands come out of walls and grab people.
Was it well done, the hands coming out of the walls?
Yes, it's actually, for 1965, it's incredible.
Can I ask, because I've seen a few hands
come out of a few walls in my day with movies,
is this, the hands are coming and it looks like a,
there's a plastic that they're pushing against,
or is this, there's an arm sticking out of the wall,
you see a human hand.
The arm that comes out, you see a human hand
wrap around her.
Gotcha, I just needed that,
because you know the difference.
Sometimes the wall is gooey,
and the arms kind of plastic their way through,
like they're in a, like a,
Well, here's how I described it when I was bright.
It's like Alice in Wonderland,
if Lewis Carroll had been into Benzadrine
and German Expressionism.
It's that kind of a movie.
It's, it's,
Wait, what, Alice in Wonderland, if who was into what?
Lewis Carroll, who wrote Alice in Wonderland.
Yeah.
If he'd been into Benzadrine and German Expressionism.
It has that feel of a,
Benzadrine and German Expressionism.
Yeah.
What are you doing when we're not hanging out, Mike,
where you're listening to German Expressionism.
I actually study film and take it kind of seriously.
The black and white cinematography's amazing.
Herdicent into Mattis, it's like,
it's shot all wide angle,
so the apartment looks gigantic,
but then also claustrophobic at the same time.
It, it's, they use wide angle lenses.
It looks like a high fashion photo shoot.
She's, I mean, it's, it's,
there's a rotting rabbit that comes back up
in through this movie.
So it's one of those throws, like, it's cocky and all,
but better done, honestly.
More psychologically affecting.
When you watch this movie,
it's actually, you get terrified, kind of for her,
but then she is really the one
that's the bad guy in the movie,
but you relate with her.
The acting in it is so good.
Her, I mean, it's, Katherine,
I don't know how to say her name.
The dude, I believe is how you say her name.
It's not an easy watch.
It's a hard watch.
It moves slow.
It's because it's set up.
It's, it's, well, 1965, things move slower anyway,
I'm assuming, but,
for me, it moved a little slow at the beginning,
but it still draws you in.
It's so, it's literally terrifying
watching her transform in this movie.
It's, it's not what I write.
It's a repulsion, not an easy, is it an easy watch?
No, it's, it's as comfortable as a colonoscopy
performed by Edward Siserian,
but it's a masterpiece of psychological form.
Masterpiece.
Yeah, it's, it's, it's probably-
So you like it?
It might be the best thriller I've ever seen.
Okay.
It was made for $85,000.
You remember you, you have seen
King of the Avenue months ago.
Yeah, I saw King of the Avenue.
We talked about thrillers.
Good ones.
It's unsettling.
You can't tell the difference in their,
her perception or reality.
Watching this movie, that's part of what makes it so unsettling.
I like that in the movie.
I love that.
That's what's unsettling.
You don't know when you're watching
if some of it is really happening.
Is she really being raped by this guy?
Is it not?
Is it not, there's rape in this movie?
It's, it's, it's unsettling to watch.
One of those other allegations,
those Roman Polanski allegations I made moments ago,
now that you're telling me that he put rape in his movie,
I'm thinking, okay.
He did.
Tell us how you really feel.
It's- Mr. Polanski.
Yeah, it's, it's, I mean, I can see that stuff,
now that you say it.
I didn't even know it, that's why, I mean, I didn't know.
He made a whole movie about it.
He watched it, like, oh shit, he's a predator?
It's honestly the most unsettled
I've ever been after watching it.
And it's the most I've thought about a movie
after I watched it for days after.
It's one of those that gets in your head and you're like,
because you still don't know.
The end of the movie does not leave you knowing
what was real and what wasn't.
It doesn't leave, I mean, you know the horror-
A real inception kind of view.
Yeah, kind of. In a way.
In a way, but not.
It's, it's, it's, it's so unsettling.
I don't, I don't know any other way to put it.
As far as the horror,
it scared me more than anything I've watched.
I could watch a Saw movie, I could watch a movie,
I could watch a Saw movie, I could watch any of that.
This is way scarier than that stuff because it's so creepy.
So what do you give it as a grade?
Five out of five.
Did you give it a funny- Five cracked mirrors.
Five cracked mirrors out of five cracked mirrors?
All right, I mean, that sounds, it sounds creepy.
It sounds, the hands out of the walls kind of sold me.
I'm not going to lie.
Once you explained that there were arms coming out of the
wall and not the gooey wall,
which is a big difference for me.
It's changed my wall arm vibe.
Oh, and it's like the scene where he cuts up the dude.
It's just, it's, it's so real looking.
And I think maybe it's because of the black and white.
I don't watch anything in black and white.
I haven't seen a black and white movie in years.
Well, Polanski- Young Crickets.
Yeah, probably.
Well, Polanski's a monster.
Maybe she killed him in real life and he filmed it.
Oh.
The director is a fucking monster predator.
Maybe he's, it's like, he wins Oscars that way.
All right. Five out of five.
Fuck yeah.
Repulsion.
All right. What year was it?
1965.
Okay. Perfect.
And it's on several servers.
All right. Austin.
So this movie, I like how you chose Polanski
cause I chose Alfred Hitchcock and I did The Birds 1963.
And I almost did that movie.
I found it.
I like classy women.
Like when we did a song on PC 13, I loved Laurie.
And this one has a lady,
you should pull up the IMDB on this by the way.
Yeah, I should pull up all of these.
Sorry, Mike. I did four years ago.
Her name's Tippy.
Absolutely fucking gorgeous.
This movie starts out really slow.
It's just her in a bird shop.
This guy comes in.
She pretends like she works at the bird shop
cause he wants to buy birds for his little sister.
Is this Tippy?
Oh, Tippy Hedren.
Let's see a young Tippy.
Oh, that's an old Tippy.
Oh, I didn't need to see that.
What the fuck was that?
You take that back.
She was a beautiful older woman.
She was.
But then this guy, turns out this guy's a lawyer
and apparently she did a bunch of pranks or something.
They're just weird.
Like apparently she's just a crazy bitch
and she gets obsessed with this guy.
She decides to drive three hours to be in his town
to deliver some birds without him knowing.
And she goes to town.
She rents a boat.
She goes across the bay to his house.
She waits for him to walk outside of his house.
She goes, sneaks in, leaves the bird there,
then gets on a boat and he notices that she left birds there
and he gets in his car, chases her back.
He drives all the way around the bay,
gets there before she gets across the bay in her boat.
But while she's going on the boat,
a bird comes down and just plucks her on the head.
And then we get the weirdest walking green screen.
Like you know when people are driving
or they'll have a screen, they're walking
and it's a green screen behind them.
And he's like, oh, hey, thanks for breaking into my house
and leaving those birds there.
Let me help you fix you up from that seagull attacking you.
Okay.
I didn't even know there was green screen in 1963.
Yeah, whatever you would call it, I don't know.
It probably was just a rotating wall thing
that they built or whatever that they stood in front of.
It looks like they're standing in front
of a projector screen, honestly.
It might have been.
I don't know why they couldn't just walk and record.
But yeah, he gets back to her house or his house.
The mom, he lives with his mom.
It's his mom's house and his little sister.
And he's like a full-grown man.
His little sister's like 10 or something.
And apparently like the whole dynamic
is that his mom is super controlling
after her husband died.
So she doesn't like any woman he brings home.
This is all, it's like an hour of the movie before anything.
This is just-
Before birds start birding.
It's just kind of going.
Birds start birding.
And then they bought chicken feed
and like the chickens won't eat the chicken feed.
He sold us bad chicken feed.
And she calls him and she's like,
you sold me bad chicken feed.
And he's like, no, they're not fuzzy chickens.
And I just like that word.
Fussy chickens.
And it's like-
They're having an argument.
You sold me bad seed.
No, they're fuzzy chickens.
No, they're not fuzzy chickens.
She's like, oh, oh.
And then she hangs up.
She's like, no, he sold someone else a different bag of feed
and the same thing happened with their chickens.
And she's gonna,
in order to find out where this guy lives,
she had to go ask around
and she finds this lady who's a school teacher
who teaches his younger sister.
She tells him, tells her where they live
and that's how they meet and everything.
She's like, still this family's like welcoming to her
after she broke into their house, a complete stranger.
And they're like, so are you gonna stay for dinner?
That's like-
Southern hospitality if we're talking earlier.
This is in San Francisco.
Months ago.
And she's like, oh no,
I'm gonna go stay at Annie Hathaway's house.
And Annie Hathaway used to date this guy.
She was in Les Mis.
She did a pretty good job.
I think she won an Oscar for that.
And so she goes and stays at her house
and they have this whole back and forth dialogue.
Essentially it's like, I want that guy's dick.
And then Annie Hathaway is like, I had that dick.
It's good dick.
But his mom's a fucking-
1963, huh?
Essentially, I'm translating it for 2024.
Yeah, it's her.
She's like, I want that dick.
Annie Hathaway says, it's some good dick.
I've had it before.
His mom's a fucking cunt though.
But she doesn't want the dick anymore.
And then there's a knock at the door,
but they open it and it's just a fucking dead seagull.
Oh, what the fuck?
Yeah.
So it hit the door?
It just, yeah, it hit the door.
Was it a one knock?
Yeah, it was just like plunk.
Okay.
And-
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
And there's just a seagull on the floor.
And then she goes, the next day,
she, Tippi, Melanie Daniels,
my past wife from another life,
goes to this dude's house.
They're having like a birthday party for-
Back up and explain yourself.
What?
Did we-
Melanie Daniels, my past wife from another life.
Is she even in another movie we've watched?
No, no, just I love,
I like these classy hot chicks is what I'm saying.
Assault on Pre-Scene 15, member Laurie.
No, that's who I thought maybe was the same actress.
I was like, is she back?
Because those were 10 years apart.
She's just got some competition now.
But, yeah.
Tippi Hedren watching stuff.
They're having like a little party in the backyard.
There's some kids there.
And then all of a sudden,
just out of nowhere, birds start attacking them.
And they're using like a weird reverse pitch change
for like weird bird noises for these birds attacking
to make it sound scary.
They're attacking the kids and then they go,
then they just, then all the birds just fuck off.
They call the cops and the cops are like,
well, there's nothing we could do about birds.
I mean, are you sure you didn't provoke the birds?
Like, no, they just fucking attacked us.
And then the cop leaves and now there's another bird attack
except it's all these little birds
coming through the fucking chimney.
And we get the most ridiculous,
like I wish I could AI edit the scene
to where there's just no birds in there.
Because they're just-
Birds minus the birds.
Melanie's just like rolling around on the wall like, oh.
Are the birds like little fucking handmade birds
on strings that they-
I feel, no, are they real or are they-
They like superimpose footage of birds flying around into,
onto them just freaking out in a room.
You told me that's a real bird up there on the left.
That fucking thing.
It's like half and half.
I think there's like guys behind the camera
just fucking gunning birds at them
as they're like freaking out.
And there's just all these little birds
and it's just quiet.
Nobody's screaming or anything.
It's just, and you just hear,
ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.
And they're just like, oh, fucking birds.
Is the bird noise intimidating?
Is the music good?
It's, there's no, there's no fucking music in this movie.
There's no score at all.
There's no nothing.
It's just all quiet, which makes it like kind of creepier.
But yeah, after the birds fuck off, again.
Is it this one right here?
I want to hear what the birds sound.
That's the end.
Don't play that.
We'll get there.
This one children chase the,
pros chase the children.
That's another scene, but that's not it either.
But I want to hear the birds.
I just want to hear them.
I want to hear what they sound like.
Do that one and just skip it a little bit.
This?
Yeah, it's a long fucking scene.
Where should I skip it?
Keep going, keep going.
She gets them out of the school
and then when they're getting chased.
Here?
Keep, no, even further.
Oh God, this fucking song.
Jesus Christ.
But okay, so.
I don't even think they.
They're just crows hanging out.
Crows stalking them.
Anyways.
Yeah, I didn't know the whole movie was just a clip.
So the mom goes to her neighbor's house
and she's looking, she can't find him
and she opens this door.
Yeah.
It's pretty bad.
So it sounds like.
It's pretty bad.
The birds sound like rabbit cats.
But anyways, we're not there yet.
But after the chimney bird attack.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
After the chimney bird attack.
The chimney bird attack.
The mom goes to one of their neighbor's houses
and she's looking for him.
She can't find him.
She opens the door, sees him laying on the ground
with his eyeballs pecked out.
And it just kind of like cut zooms.
Like it just boom, boom, boom.
No noise or anything.
You just see it for a few seconds.
Like boom, boom, boom.
And she's like, ah, and she runs away.
And again, the cops are like,
well, there's no way it could have been birds.
It must have been a murder.
And then the birds came in through the window that he broke.
And so it's being investigated as a murder.
And then, but Melanie Daniels is implying this.
And she knows that the girl's at school.
So she goes to the school.
Kids are singing the weirdest fucking song.
We just heard a bit of it.
Yeah, it goes on for a really long time.
Like actually the horror element of the movie.
Yeah, Hitchcock's just like,
you know, this is a great movie.
People are gonna talk about it for generations.
It's something, it's like.
I'm giving them five full minutes of children
singing a shit song.
And it's a song about a girl who like doesn't bathe
or doesn't clean her, it's just some dirty bitch.
It's a song.
Oh, it's a hygiene song.
And.
This is how we wash our hands, wash our hands.
And then so she's like hearing that
and she's smoking a cigarette.
And every time it cuts to this playground,
it starts with like the few crows.
And then it cuts to that, cuts to the kids singing,
cuts to her smoking a cigarette.
So more crows.
And every time it cuts, just more.
Almost to a point where it looks like they're super imposed.
Like how is there that many fucking crows?
For what?
Yeah, go.
I'm so sorry.
It's fucking.
Yeah.
That's insane.
I think there's even more than that at one point.
There's no way you get that many crows on that.
And then.
Is there a bigger shot of crows?
It just keeps crowing, dude.
It just keeps.
Like that's gotta be.
Oh, those are real crows.
Those gotta be real.
But there's gotta be some fake ones thrown in there too.
So she goes into the school and basically convinces Annie
that birds are fucking attacking.
We need to get all these kids out of here.
And they start slowly sneaking.
They get to where the kids are being chased.
Because that's, as soon as she gets them outside,
that's when the birds start attacking.
Because it's like it comes in waves.
Like birds are cool, then they fucking go kill people,
and then they're cool again.
And it's just.
An iconic image.
I remember seeing that.
I've seen that, yeah.
Specific scene.
My parents were watching when I was a kid.
This sticks out in my head too.
Oh, that is so green screen.
That is the most.
Yeah.
The most green screen effect I've ever seen.
They weren't allowed to.
Look at them running, dude.
You can see them building.
This kid's getting fucked up by birds.
They're standing in place running.
That's a real bird on that kid.
Or at least that's a fake bird in that shot
with those kids though.
It looks like little puppet birds
that are just like, ah.
But if they had the balls to throw real birds at kids,
that would be awesome.
I agree with your earlier.
And the kids are getting fucked up and bleeding
and just all by fucking birds.
It's pretty bad effects though, you're right.
I know, but it doesn't take away any of the charm.
It doesn't.
It's just fucked up.
But.
How many years before Star Wars?
10 years. 10 years before Star Wars.
76, 13 years.
63, 13 years.
Yeah, okay.
And okay, so now, after she gets all the kids to safety,
she goes to this bar where everyone's hanging out
and she's telling everyone what just happened.
And they're like, no, you're crazy.
What do you mean birds?
Nobody's buying this bird bullshit.
And there's a lady just so happens to be a bird expert.
Of course.
And is talking about how this is fucking impossible.
And then they're just having a whole town meeting
in this bar about it.
And then there's just one fucking drunk dude in the corner
and he's just, I fucking hate birds.
Like, he just fucking hates birds.
And then while they're all doing this,
there's a guy across the street at a gas station
filling up his car and a seagull just comes down
and just kerplunk knocks him the fuck out.
And everyone's going to help him.
Completely ignoring the gas pump,
still just shooting gas onto the ground.
And then it goes further and further down the street
and there's a guy lighting a cigarette.
And they're like, don't light that fucking cigarette.
He's like, fuck you, you dumb broad.
And then he fucking lights it.
The gas station fucking explodes.
There's just all hell breaks loose.
And now everyone's just running around in the town
just getting attacked by birds.
She decides, I'm going to leave the safety of this building
and go outside because somehow it's safer there.
She finds a phone booth.
She's trying to call people.
A dude, a fucking, a guy's like getting attacked by a bird
and like runs up to the phone booth.
He's like, ah, like he's being pushed up
against the fucking phone booth by a bird.
The guy shows up, the guy that she stalked
and somehow just infected into his life somehow.
This one she broke into the house of?
Yeah, the one, her love interest.
The dick guy, she wants his dick.
He's like, we don't know where my little sister is.
And I think I sent her off with Annie.
They go to Annie's house.
Is her name actually in the movie Annie Hathaway?
The movie Annie Hathaway.
Okay, how come no one liked my Annie Hathaway joke earlier?
I said Princess Diaries and I said Les Mis.
Y'all go fuck yourselves.
That was good.
They go to Annie's house.
You'll find out in the comments how funny that was.
People will talk about it for ages.
So sorry, continue.
They go to Annie's house.
Annie's just fucking face down in front of her house.
And I know immediately in the story that guy's thinking,
you're not friends with my ex anymore.
His little sister's in the house.
They get hurt.
They go back home.
There's another house bird fight.
And they gotta board up the house.
There's a door that he boarded up.
And there's like little beaks poking through it.
Like they're trying to cut down the fucking door.
Like he was Johnny, but it's.
Wack.
Wack, wack, wack, wack.
They slowly figure out that, okay, they attack.
They attack and then they're cool.
Then they attack and then they're cool again.
And so they all go to bed.
And then Melanie Daniels decides to get up,
take a flashlight and go up into the attic.
And then she just gets fucked up by birds.
The poor sweet little angel.
And she's all bloody.
And he's all trying to get into the attic to save her.
And she's laying in front of the door.
But eventually he gets her like out, helps her out.
It's like, oh, you're fucking bleeding
and have lacerations all over your body.
Here's some alcohol.
Have yourself a fucking drink to make you bleed more,
to thin your blood.
And he eventually, he just, he goes out to the garage,
gets the car out of the garage, where the birds are all cool.
It's really quiet, that whole scene.
Because there's just fucking hundreds of birds
all around him throughout this whole scene.
They're not doing anything.
And like every time he gets close to one,
they're kind of like, ah!
And it like scares you a little bit.
And they all just get into the car and they fucking.
Bird jump scares.
He turns on the radio in the car to like try to get the news.
Turns in at the perfect time.
Bird, bird, bird.
Bird is the word.
Yeah, bird, bird, bird.
That would have been the best.
That would have been the best closing like credit music.
It's like, yeah, there seems to be weird bird attacks
happening all over the small town.
And the government's thinking of sending in
the National Guard.
Imagine spending all that money just to kill fucking birds.
That'd be so easy to take, get a few guys with some guns,
start aiming up.
And then they all just load up into the car.
They put the cover on because it was like a convertible.
And then they drive away.
And then that's the end of the movie.
Oh, bird problem not solved.
Yeah, no, there's like.
Oh, literally ends with, hey, there's bird problem going on
and then just end movie.
I love it.
I think it's just that town.
I think if I remember correctly, it's just that town.
Not all the birds in the world.
Okay, but even that town.
However, I would accept a remake of this movie
where it's birds all over the fucking world.
Just World War Z, but birds.
World War B.
We still have some character in there like,
they're not real, man.
Birds aren't real.
And you know, I would have liked it more if the birds
that she brings them in the beginning, it's to love birds.
Which is the type of bird.
And they're like packing up the car to leave.
And the little girl's like,
can we bring these birds with it?
He's like, yeah, sure, go ahead.
I would have been like, no.
Did you realize we fucking hate birds?
Like, this is a anti-bird family now.
Yeah, if you get in this car, bitch,
there's no birds.
No birds.
I mean, we're not gonna have trees in our front yard.
Whatever, our bird feeders are gonna have poison inside.
We don't even eat turkey on Thanksgiving.
No, we eat too much turkey all the time.
All the time.
That's all we eat is birds.
All we eat is chicken and turkey and chicken and turkey.
We're gonna learn to eat crows.
Yeah, micro quails, eggs.
The ones that have the babies in them, eggs.
Eat them in front of the mother, yeah.
Thousand year old eggs.
We'll take hold nests.
I don't know, I love it.
I'll spray pesticides on their nests.
I wasn't a big hunter, but now I only kill birds.
Yeah.
They could have used the birds like,
oh, they had to free the birds
in order to make all these birds stop or something.
There's no mystical thing.
It's just birds kill people.
Leave, just leave.
That's what they say about Hitchcock.
Genius.
So yeah, I'll give this movie
four out of five dead seagulls.
I thought you were gonna do like,
did any of them, so real quick,
when they saw this flock of seagulls, did they run?
Did they run so far away?
No, no, no, they got in the car and they just drove off.
Oh, Andrew.
God, I'm so good.
I can't, first of all, the fact that you didn't get that.
I'm so good at my job and none of y'all give a shit.
I went over my head.
I'm the only one that got that, yeah.
Too many cheaters.
Well, I do have a question.
You can listen to it later and laugh your ass off.
I have a question related to your movie, actually.
When you were doing it, you were doing that old timey talking
kinda like your intro, right?
Oh, yeah.
Did the movie, was it old timey talking?
No, it was fast talking, but not really like meh.
Not like that at all.
I'm just curious because there's an argument.
Once we see everybody's movies,
but my movie was not that at all.
It was maybe because it was British.
It was not, there was none of that.
When I think of old movies,
I think of that old timey weird talking they did.
And the movie I watched was absolutely modern in every way.
It was, it was not, there was none of that.
I'm one, there was one bar fight scene in it.
It was a little bit of that.
We're puffing up chest guys talking to each other.
There was a little bit that.
So we had modern talk.
We had kinda old-ish timey, but still modern-ish.
I'm just curious as we go through if it's all.
I wanna see where yours ends up.
Shane Gillis had a really good joke about
the last time white people were cool
was when we were all like, meh.
Yeah.
And he talks about Jackie Robinson.
He's like, meh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then he hits the ball.
That's funny.
And it's going.
Oh, fuck, home run.
All right.
So this is basically, if that were real,
this is basically just after that.
And there's this one part where she wants to leave
and she gets in her car and he's following her,
like talk to her.
There's so many back and forths that happen
in just a few seconds.
And it's like, there's no way anyone thinks
of that kind of shit on the spot.
Like quick, quippy comebacks to what he said.
You can see the writing in it.
Yeah.
And.
You want some water, hun?
What?
Avion?
Right?
Avion?
Yeah, but like eight fucking times.
Like back.
Oh yeah, there was this whole thing.
I'm not Alfred Hitchcock.
I didn't have time to prepare a birds.
I think I've been doing pretty well so far.
I gave you a flock of seagulls reference
a little bit earlier than none of y'all caught.
I.
Too many jeeters.
I thought.
I was about to make a Paul McCartney reference,
but I don't think you'd understand
that I was talking about wings, motherfucker.
There's a.
Oh no, I forgot.
I'm so sorry.
There's.
We could do counting crow reference,
but that's just ridiculous.
Oh God.
Yeah, a lot of this episode's for the birds.
Yeah.
Shit.
I feel like Mike put his hand in,
his head in the dirt the whole time
that you were talking.
Like.
The first hour of this movie.
Ostrich.
The first hour of this movie.
She's at a bird shop,
guy goes to the bird shop.
She decides to go to his house.
She goes, she drives, long driving scene.
The three, it's the driving scene I took to get here,
basically.
Yeah.
It's her driving along.
Real time.
In 4K it looks amazing.
And I love like,
I wonder what exactly that spot looks like today.
I love like filming locations then and now.
But it's bird shop, driving scene.
She goes to town,
talks to this guy, gets information.
Goes to this lady's house.
Then she gets a poke,
goes to his house,
leaves the bird there, drives back.
They go have dinner.
It's just like a whole hour.
I'm like, did I pick the wrong fucking movie?
Like, is this just gonna go on like this?
But when the birds start birding.
Yeah.
And then that's when it's like.
It's kind of like the movie I watched where I said
it took a while.
It's slow starting.
I think that was the time thing,
at the time of these older movies.
They just move slowly.
They like build up.
It's interesting you say that.
When we get to mine,
I'm gonna maybe have some thoughts about that.
And surprisingly,
the Rotten Tomatoes audience score is 94%.
Which I didn't think like old, old movies,
like way pre-internet movies
would like be received well today.
It's Hitchcock.
He edits those things perfectly.
Like, like cinematically,
it has to be like what a tightly perfect movie, right?
Like there's no wasted time, wasted footage.
I mean, it depends on what you consider
to be content wise wasted,
but like editing wise,
he's lines everything up.
He's a perfectionist.
He's like a Kubrick or a,
who's the other guy?
There's a few directors that are so like militant
about like they're getting it perfect.
He's one of them.
He used to take so many shots,
like, like film like things over and over again.
He was one of the first directors to do that.
So I think that's why it's so highly rated.
You learn about this,
you learn about Hitchcock in like film class studies, right?
Like, like he's the, he's big time.
So classes dedicated to Hitchcock.
Yeah.
Yeah, this one was 96%.
Oh yeah.
So did he have,
oh nice, you're Roman Blantzko.
Did he have a,
cameo?
Did you catch it if he did?
No.
Honestly, we should be doing the IMDB on these.
We'll be doing them.
Hey, I'm so sorry.
We'll do a little, little trivia.
I thought I pulled yours up though.
But did he have a cameo?
I don't know.
I forget.
I don't know what he looks like.
Oh, what?
I don't know too much about Hitchcock.
It's him.
Is that him?
Did he introduce it?
No, I don't know if he does.
I was laughing at that cause it's a color at the most.
It's like a white, right?
No, it's color.
It's color.
Oh wow.
It's great in 4K, but like,
He's not it.
The special effects that they put in
just don't age well at all.
Like you see it more with the 4K.
That first trivia is hilarious.
When audience left the UK premiere
in the Odeon,
Lechester Square, London,
they were greeted by the sound of screeching
and flapping birds from loudspeakers
hitting the trees to scare them further.
That is awesome.
That is very cool.
After, okay, very cool.
We're gonna do two more.
Alfred Hitchcock revealed on the Dick Cavett show
that 3,200 birds were trained for the movie.
They were real?
The Ravens were the cleverest
and the Seagulls were the most vicious.
Now I, before you read any trivia,
I'm gonna capture your attention.
I recently watched a video where
there's a few people out there
that 100% you could train crows to be your friend.
All you have to do is you go outside,
you like, if you have crows that are near your house,
whatever, you purposely give them treats.
Like you give them like little food.
They're highly intelligent birds.
And they will remember you
and they'll start bringing you gifts.
Like you'll start waking up
and they'll be like little metallic things on your doorstep.
I've seen that.
I've seen the guy do that.
It brings them money and shit.
You see the guy with the money?
That's what I said.
There's a guy on YouTube or something
that has a crow that brings him money.
Which is awesome.
I'm going to become Birdman.
Here you go.
You like this one.
Alfred Hitchcock saw Tippi Hedren in a 61 commercial
that aired during today and put her under contract.
So, oh wait, in the commercial for a diet drink,
she's seen walking down the street
and a man whistles at her slim, attractive figure.
She turns her head with an acknowledging smile.
In the opening scene of this movie,
the same thing happens
as she walks towards the bird shop.
This is an inside joke by Hank Dove.
Oh, they do a little wolf whistle in the beginning.
Does she get acknowledged with a smile
after getting a whistle?
It was just as the movie was starting,
so I wasn't paying attention too much.
The seagulls were fed a mixture of wheat and whiskey.
The only way to get them to stand around so much.
So they got them drunk.
They got Bird fucking blitzed.
Oh, the two dogs in the beginning were Alfred Hitchcock.
So his dog's made a cameo.
That's the director cameo.
It even says it, okay.
So his two dogs ran it.
All right, cool.
And you gave your rating already?
He's the one walking the dog.
The one walking the dog, yeah.
Oh yeah.
Cool, there you go.
Brendan.
Oh, good.
You gave your rating.
Brendan, what movie did you pick?
So I picked Hitchcock.
So I did, 1560 Psycho.
I fucking knew it.
Psycho, 1960.
And I'd seen this movie before when I was younger.
Re-watching it again.
It's great.
So it starts out Marianne, in the beginning,
she's sleeping with a married man
and trying to convince him,
let's leave together, be together.
And then he's like, well, it's gonna take time.
I got all these debts and all this stuff.
Which character was Marianne?
Marianne was the main, yeah.
She was the main character in the beginning.
Good.
And then she goes to work,
gets hit on by some guy who's buying a house
with 40,000 cash.
Basically the boss is like,
I don't want my cash in here over the weekend.
Take it to the bank and we'll get a cashier's check on Monday.
She's like, okay, can I go home after I go to the bank?
Because I have a headache.
Okay, yeah, sure.
Instead of going to the bank, she steals the money.
She goes home, she changes, grabs.
Which I thought was kind of cool.
Like I read in some of the trivia that Hitchcock actually,
in the beginning, she's in white,
the show that she's like here.
And then after the money scene,
she's in black.
Oh, that's cool.
In the black brassiere.
And she's getting dressed up in darker clothes
in the show that she made the wrong choice.
Turning back.
Then she decides to leave town with the $40,000.
Heads out of town, starts driving,
going across, going from Phoenix to LA.
It's where she's going.
Kind of skips forward and she's tired at night.
Sides pull over, falls asleep.
Wakes up in the morning by a cop knocking on the door.
Like, hey, why are you sleeping here?
I just drove three hours to be here.
Yeah, exactly.
That didn't mean a house of mansion, by the way.
It's what?
Was this house a mansion?
No, it was on the side of the road.
$40,000 in 1960 is a hell of a house.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
I see a lot of people take pictures outside this house.
I think it's torn down now.
Yeah, they never showed the house that they were gonna buy.
It was just the guy being a big spender.
Like, I have the cash.
I don't carry any more cash than I can afford to lose.
Gotcha.
Something like that.
And she took his money, okay.
The cop kind of feels a little suspicious of her
with how she's acting.
She's just trying to get out of there.
Which, she does something that's even more suspicious
and goes and immediately trades her vehicle in
and buys a used car in like minutes without thinking.
Gives the guy $700 and her car, grabs a new car.
Goes about her way.
She ends up driving, ends up in a storm,
finds her way to the Bates Motel.
At first, when you first meet Norman Bates,
he seems like a normal person.
You know, he seems friendly, outgoing, offers her dinner.
A real normal Bates, if you would.
And then, so he offers to cook her dinner.
Cook her dinner and she can come up and enjoy it in the house.
While she's changing, she hears him and his mother
arguing from their house up on the hill behind the motel.
And basically, like he ends up coming down
and like, sorry about my mom, we'll have dinner down here.
And they have dinner in the office of the hotel
and that's kind of when he starts to show
a little bit of his creepy side.
He's kind of like talks about taxidermy as his hobby.
It's basically his life.
Talks about kind of just like people
and kind of things like that.
His mother, he's like, oh, I take care of my mother.
She's sick, she's invalid.
And she's like, well, why don't you put her in a home?
You know, that's kind of when things take a turn.
Conversation ends and he's like, well, okay.
She's like, I'm gonna go to bed.
So she goes to her room.
He becomes master.
He becomes master baits.
That's what Hitchcock called them throughout the movie,
throughout the filming called the master bait.
Oh, that's funny.
Yeah.
Did they teach you that in those Alfred Hitchcock classes?
Yeah.
So she goes into her room.
Is this where she showers?
This is where she starts changing
and that's when you see in the office,
he pulls off one of the pictures with a hole in the wall
and he's peeping through the wall
while she's changing into like a nightgown or whatever.
And then after that, she decides to shower.
And then that's when we get the infamous shower scene
of her showering and then the curtains open
and just the score and everything is,
the score is what makes this movie.
There's no actual nudity in it.
No, I like it's like it's framed.
You see maybe like-
It's the way this movie was too.
That's why I was, for the time-
Shoulders, back, neck, arms.
Lots of side, like this is kind of,
I showed him the picture.
There's kind of a see through negligence he has on it.
A little bit of side boob.
That's why this is, you can see her butt
through the neck a little bit.
No, Mike, you grill us for telling you
where the tits are in movies.
All the time.
But you just inquired, is there nudity in this movie?
Yeah.
One week he says-
Like it's a famous shower scene.
One, I mean, we're just saying though, he's got a point.
Last week you were saying,
hey guys, I don't appreciate that you just think
all I care about is titties.
And then the flip flop, flippity flop, right?
Here you are going, where are them titties, dog?
You're like a cat with petting.
It's like, pet me.
No, pet me with your eyes.
Yeah.
So after that, after the scene, after she, you know,
the, the violins and everything, Norman,
you hear Norman, mother, what did you do?
There's blood.
And he runs down and basically goes and he sees her
and kind of like sits there and collects his thoughts
for a second and like, okay.
And then cleans up the mess for his mother.
And basically, you know, puts her,
wraps her up in the shower curtain,
puts her in the trunk of her car,
as well as she had hit the news,
it hit the money in a newspaper, the 40,000 cash,
the newspaper, he grabbed everything,
almost forgot that, but ended up going back
and grabbing that, not knowing what was in it,
puts it in her luggage, everything in her car,
goes and dumps her in a lake right behind the motel.
And watching her sink and like, she kind of stops for it.
The car stops for a second at the top of the car
and he's just like, uh, and then it just digs out.
That's cool.
And flash forward, next scene, it's now her sister
who's met up with her lover, her mister, the whatever,
the married guy that she was sleeping with.
Is it Lila Crane?
Yes, it is.
So just the tidbit, the little personal trivia about that
is, Bara Miles is the grandmother of the one of the girls
that we worked with named Sev.
You can see resemblance for sure.
Yeah, for sure, there's definitely resemblance.
But anyway, so we know her granddaughter
that Dick, you're about to talk about.
Yeah.
And so she's now meeting with her sister's boyfriend
and they're like, have you seen my sister?
She stole $40,000 and now no one knows where she is.
And a private investigator also ends up there
and he's like, why did you just come up here
because she's a hunch?
And she's like, no, more of like hope.
I don't know where my sister is, I'm looking for her.
Hopefully she's okay.
And so the private investigator ends up kinda like,
maybe she wound up somewhere over here.
Ends up at the Bates Motel, goes and kinda like
looks around and Norman Bates is just kind of
being eccentric and strange and definitely lets him know
that something is up.
And-
Now real quick, you say eccentric and strange.
Does someone argue that maybe Norman Bates wasn't that,
other than him killing people, if it's him.
It was pretty nervous.
It sounds like his mom's doing it right now.
But I'm just saying, maybe give neurotic guys in your life
a little bit of a pass.
He was basically, he could tell he was lying
is kinda what it was.
He had that gut feeling that he was lying
and not telling him something.
Okay.
And it was kinda like he played it well, played it,
kinda like it was obvious that he was lying about something.
Like a kid, like a kid lying, you know.
Cause like Norman Bates definitely has that like
child mentality for like a 30 something year old man.
Again, harsh.
Well, just because of the trauma
that he went through and everything.
Especially if you watched Bates Motel, like then you see-
Andy's feeling attacked.
I feel a little attacked here.
I mean, I don't, I think as joke that I have a bunch
of bodies in that room, I don't.
Norman Bates is based on-
You do have one body in that room, Andy.
One body, but it was dead when I got it.
He's based on Ed Gaines, who is like the story behind
like Texas Shades on Maskers.
Those kind of characters.
That's what Norman Bates is based off.
Yeah, that Ed Gaines guy, he's inspired a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
How many people did he kill?
Like confirmed, I think it was like four or five,
but he also like dug up bodies from cemeteries
and like brought them back and made skin suits and things.
He did a lot of creepy stuff.
I'll be creative, but yeah.
You say creative, I say creepy, whatever.
So the private investigator kind of goes up the hill
to the restaurant and calls the sister and like,
well, you know what, she did come by here
and then she left, or so he says,
but like I kind of feel like I need to go back.
And so the private investigator goes back to the house,
goes back to the hotel, ends up going up to the house
to kind of like investigate.
And as he goes upstairs, you see the backside
of a skinny woman come out of nowhere
and killed the private investigator.
We assume Norman Bates' mother.
As far as I'm concerned, she's the only suspect.
She's the only suspect.
And then it goes back to the sister and the boyfriend,
like he called when he had nothing,
like he hasn't called, like something happened.
And so they ended up going there.
And that's kind of when you get the climax of the movie.
And then like the boyfriend distracts Norman
while her sister goes into the house.
And it's kind of like looking for the mother,
talking to the mother, so like she spoke to her.
Like the mother saw her.
He ends up figuring out that, you know,
basically like looking around the house
and then she goes down to the basement finally.
And that's where she sees the backside of the mother.
And she like goes up to talk to her.
And as she spins around, you find out mother is dead.
What?
Yes, the whole time.
The mother was dead the whole time?
The whole time.
And it was Norman Bates doing mother's voice.
Wait, so you're saying the skinny woman with the dress
that was Norman Bates the whole time?
Yeah, and like cross-dressing.
Crazy.
And like, so like at the end,
like the psychologist is kind of breaking it down.
And he's like, he had, you know, his mother died.
Like he killed his mother and her boyfriend,
like poisoned them, but like made it look like
it was a murder-suicide.
And then afterwards he dug up his mom's body,
basically did some taxidermy to preserve her body,
to keep her around.
And then dressed her and then gave her half his mind
for her consciousness.
So like half the time he was her, half the time it was him.
So like when it was her, like for him, he was asleep.
He didn't know what was going on.
So like when he comes back, he actually is shocked.
So maybe the first split personality and sleepies maybe.
Yeah, the first like, yeah, schizophrenic, you know, type.
Which Ed Gaines was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
So does he get arrested?
Yeah, he gets arrested.
Oh, so he, oh, because there is a psycho two and three.
There's two, three, four.
Yeah, I did not know that this was based on.
But one of the reasons I really wanted to watch this one
was because I love the 1998 version with Vince Vaughn.
And it's a shot for shot remake.
Gus Van Zandt did it.
Oh yeah, he would do shot for shot.
Wait, Christian Bale?
Vince Vaughn.
That's.
Christian Bale's American Psycho.
Who's the female in that?
Is that the same, is that based off of his own thing?
No, American Psycho's way its own thing.
You know they're making a new one?
Yeah, I saw that.
With the chick?
Yeah.
No, they made a female American Psycho already.
But they're making a new one right now.
Who does the shower scene in that 1978 one?
Is that the one they did?
Okay, we're back to shower scenes again, Mr.
I don't care about titties.
The right movie in my head.
It's Vince Vaughn and I forget the other girl's name.
Oh, you're just thinking of who's the actress.
I know she just passed away not so long ago.
I'm trying to remember if it's.
Now, if I was looking at her titty,
I could tell you immediately who it was.
So I'm assuming it's not shot for shot.
It did have a titty then for what he did.
I don't think it did.
I think it was shot exactly.
I'm just not keeping you shit, Mike.
Yeah, I don't know.
I was saying if you could see their titty,
you'd be able to tell.
You just can't picture their face right now.
For some reason, I was thinking that it was.
There's American, yeah, 1998.
Mike, you have Mr. Skin's book
right in your phone, don't you?
And Hesh.
She's the smallest picture of all time.
Yeah, she just.
These Louise, they do that.
But Vince Vaughn.
That's a lot of special editions.
He does a great job as Norman Bates.
There we go, and Hesh.
She's hot.
What?
She was.
Okay.
That was Melanie Daniel.
What does that mean, dude?
She's dead.
Oh, okay.
Well then, yeah, she was.
Oh, and not now.
Yeah, she passed out.
She also was burned up before that, I believe.
Yeah, yeah, it was a car accident.
Oh my God, guys.
Well, you're the one bringing it up.
Oh, I'm sorry, you mentioned the movie she's in.
I'm looking at it.
Woo, it's Halloween.
We're being spooky.
Oh yeah, I guess.
Not anymore.
Insensitivity's the spookiest thing of all.
When you can scare someone's emotions,
you scare them at their soul.
Brendan's a monster.
The quietest, yet the most evil member of the podcast.
Yes.
So what do you rate this bad boy?
I give it a five out of five stuffed mothers.
Stuffed mothers.
You go stuff your mother, motherfucker.
All right, excellent.
So.
That might really be happening, by the way.
That might really be him stuffing your mother,
so watch out.
Well, your mother-in-law, that's fine.
And Mike knows about mother stuffing.
Remember that Stephen King book?
The movie he wrote.
So I took the assignment to heart.
Wait, what did you just say?
I'm so sorry.
No, don't repeat it.
Do not repeat it.
Don't make me pause this and rewind it and listen.
Mike said something about stuffing mothers,
and I was like, yeah, Mike knows about mom stuffing,
because that Stephen King movie he did
with the mom stuffing scene in it.
Got it.
So I took this assignment to heart,
and the movie I picked is.
There's eight movies.
No, I didn't do eight movies this time.
I did two things, but sort of one and a half things.
The movie I picked is 1922, NOS4ATU, a silent movie.
When you guys talk about how's the dialogue sound,
how about picture cards with it on there?
I also did every vampire movie ever.
I almost, trust me, I had them all lined up.
But.
So NOS4ATU, FW Mornau's 1922, NOS4ATU.
To start this off, I will tell you
that this is a unauthorized adaptation of Bram Stoker's
Dracula.
They changed the name of.
Yeah, his widow wouldn't give them the rights to something.
Yeah, they changed the name of Count Dracula to Count Orlok.
They changed London to Whisberg.
Whisberg, so I watched the.
I guess the most original version of this that you can.
There are several versions of this.
I watched the full length hour 20 something minute version.
There's an hour and like 15 or 12 minute version.
That's like a rock opera version.
Someone made rock version.
They did a whole rock soundtrack.
Because it's silent, you can do whatever soundtrack you want.
I did it orchestrated.
So I watched it.
OK, so it's a silent film.
And here we go.
It's 1838 in Whisberg.
You have Butter and Ellen.
Now, the text on this movie, I swear to God,
it's Butter and Ellen.
The guy's name is Butter.
So just literally my last note will tell you what his name is.
But Butter and Ellen, Butter and his wife Ellen are just.
I just have South Park in my head.
I can't get it out.
Yeah, butters.
Yeah, sort of.
Did you watch this at normal speed?
I'll get to it.
You know what?
No, I'll tell you now.
I had to download an app because YouTube only lets you go to 2x.
I had to download an app and watch this at about seven.
It's the slowest fucking movie.
I mean, it's definitely not good to watch.
You're not going to enjoy it.
It's made in 1922.
It's a German movie.
Like it's it.
It was ordered to be destroyed.
It's they just held on to it.
But now it's considered the godfather of horror.
It's like the first kind of horror movie that was ever really made.
So when we say classic horror, I fucking listened.
It's kind of fun that we went in order, by the way.
It was like reverse order of years because the last one was 60.
And you were 65 and you were what?
63.
Well, then we fucked.
No, but we went the right way.
Five, three, zero, and now 22.
So there's a beautiful shot that opens up
of a town like a picturesque little town.
And I'm convinced that that had to be a real town because there's
no way with the low budget that they could have built a set.
And I was like, did they even build city sets back then
for any kind of movie?
1922?
Maybe.
You didn't need a permit to film there back then.
Yeah, that's true.
And I did have this game for PC.
Still to this day, it's one of the best.
It's called The Movies.
And it was by the guys that did The Sims.
And it's basically you start from silent film era.
You build a studio.
And you build little sets.
And you hire actors and writers and directors and stuff.
And they do movies.
But what makes it awesome, what makes it the most fun,
is that you can have them just make movies on their own.
They'll automatically just do sim stuff or whatever.
But you can absolutely go in and use their in-house movie maker
with the Sims characters that you have,
with lines that you've prepared and all sorts of stuff,
and make them do your movies and film them perfectly,
and then have nothing to show for it
because this was the late 90s.
But people did eventually put them up on YouTube.
I've seen some videos.
It doesn't matter.
So I think I didn't write that down.
So Ellen plays with a cat.
It's super cute.
It's funny seeing a cat in 1922 play with a string ball.
It's the same shit that you'd see today.
It's funny how there's those parallels between 100 years
ago, 102 years ago this movie came out.
Right?
Am I doing the math right?
Holy shit, 102 years ago this movie came out.
I didn't even think about that when I was listening to it.
Yeah.
So this movie was 102 years old, and the cat
was still just playing with string like a regular-ass cat.
It was super cute and adorable.
Butter picks some flowers for her,
and she responds with, why did you kill such beautiful flowers?
And I was like, oh, OK.
So she's got a goth in the most 1922 German way
you could even be goth.
I think her hair was brunette.
So I think that's about, so you know she's on the dark side.
And I was like, yeah, what a dick.
So Butter's just walking down the street,
and he gets a guy stops him, just a guy, unexplained.
He goes, not so fast, my young friend.
No one can outrun their fate.
And I'm like, thanks, random fucking dude.
Thanks for nothing.
So, Hunter works for a real estate agent called Knock.
Now Knock, this is what Nosferatu looks like.
Imagine if you replaced the, if you got rid of the teeth
and added hair on his, like added the most furious eyebrows
and the fur, like the fuzziest ears, right?
Like hair coming out of his ears.
That's what Knock looks like.
I read, and I hate that I read this after.
I maybe would have picked a different movie.
But I read that that is supposed to be,
maybe they're not completely sure,
but could be an anti-Semitic betrayal of like a Jewish person.
Like that was their attempt to make a cartoonishly,
because he was the one that was a miser with his money.
Like that's, they literally were just like,
the only thing we knew about the real estate agent Knock
is that he had a lot of money.
And like you go to him and he's got like all these features
that like, if you're into the anti-Semitic shit
would be what they would use to describe him.
Nosferatu?
Oh, now we got to cancel the whole shit.
No.
So, okay.
So anyway, we meet Knock.
He has, I said ugliest man ever,
but I just meant that they just,
they make him look like not like a real person.
So it's stupid.
But anyway, he's reading this paper
with like ancient symbols on it.
And he goes, there's this count Orlok.
He lives in Transylvania.
He wants to buy a house here in Windsburg.
I need you to go out there and settle the paperwork.
And so, Hunter's like, okay, isn't that super far away?
Like, isn't that gonna take me weeks to get there?
He's like, yeah, but I need you to do it.
He's like, okay.
So,
oh, he goes, he walks up to his wife
and this is the exact, I can,
I literally wrote down what the fucking title card said
because again, no dialogue.
This is verbatim because it's a piece of text right now.
He just says to his wife, I must travel far, far away
to the land of thieves and phantoms.
And then he fucks off.
Just gets on a horse and leaves.
Someone says there's a werewolf.
So when he gets to Transylvania,
he's at the little town outside
and the village people are like,
he's like, I'm gonna go see Count Orlok, see ya.
They're like, no, no, no, you can't, bro.
There's a werewolf out tonight.
He's like, okay.
And then it's 1922.
No one knows what a hyena's looked like yet, I'm assuming.
So they just filmed a hyena
and showed a hyena running around a little bit.
That's a werewolf.
They're like, there's a werewolf out tonight.
He's like, oh shit.
And then just about four or five minutes of a hyena.
Just an abused fucking animal, probably.
It almost seemed wild.
I think they were just kind of,
like they're really like,
just like filming a hyena. Just chasing it.
Yeah, exactly.
So I said it's a hyena,
enough of a trick to tweak 1922 dumbasses.
Nosferatu lives in caves,
tombs with an E, T-O-M-B-E-S,
and coffins which are filled with the cursed dirt
from the fields of the Black Death.
I thought that was pretty cool.
I also thought 1922 is not that far removed
from the Black Death.
I feel like there might even be survivors of the plague.
In 1922, it's funny how history overlaps like that.
Like how, like there's crazy that we like,
up until like a few years ago,
had like civil war survivors, I think, right?
Maybe a few years ago,
you know, like 10 years ago.
The one that always gets me is that the Egyptians
are as old to the Romans as the Romans are to us.
Yeah, that's insane.
Or how about dinosaurs?
We're closer to T-Rex than like the Stegosaurus
was to T-Rex.
Like, if you go to dinosaurs,
you'd be, because dinosaurs are here for billions of years.
Like, I don't know if that's the combination exactly.
You mean at the same time as Jesus, right?
Mike, let's not make this about religion.
Mike doesn't care about dinosaurs.
There weren't any titties back then.
The earth was what?
It's a hundred thousand years old.
Anyway.
That's like three, 3000.
So Butter,
Butter gets to Transylvania, meets a very bundled up, okay.
So he then gets to the castle
and he meets a very bundled up,
we're talking like head wrap
to make sure that he can't see anything.
He's got a big old coat on, nasipoo.
And Nosferatu, he's this like,
he's just walks like this the whole time,
super straight up with like a little hunch.
And he just like,
he walks exactly like Groot from Despicable Me.
Like he walks like just a slender Groot.
If you just stretched Groot out and gave him an ugly face.
And then end of act one, I was like, oh shit, Axe.
Interesting.
So act two is,
Nosferatu has just the cutest skeleton clock
you've ever seen.
I don't even, I don't even get it,
but it's just this cute little cardboard,
like skeleton that hits the bell when like the clock rings.
It's fucking adorable.
I love it.
Butter picks up a bread and knife to cut a piece for himself,
which I felt like was a weird way to do it.
Why not buy pre-sliced bread?
And I'll tell you why,
because pre-sliced bread wasn't invented until 1928.
It didn't exist at the time of this movie,
pre-sliced bread.
He had to bake his own bread.
He grabs a piece of bread
and just starts slicing off a piece.
Like it's a normal thing that you would do.
Like, let me take the chunk of bread
that we're all going to share later
and slice me off a piece.
That's what they did,
especially in 1838 when this takes place.
But even in 1922,
they couldn't even have an anachorism of,
here's some sliced bread,
because they didn't know what it was at the time.
I just thought that was funny.
I still slice my own bread, too.
If you make it, yeah.
Yeah.
No, I buy it at the store.
No, it's not sliced.
Walmart doesn't, all their bread's not sliced.
Yeah, the greatest invention since sliced bread,
I didn't know that was 1928.
I didn't know it had a date.
I didn't know people,
oh man, this is the best invention since sliced bread.
Are you sure? 1928.
Did you see how people had to cut their bread
like fucking animals?
So he cuts himself,
because that's what you do
when you don't have pre-sliced bread.
And NOSFACE loses his cool.
And he just kind of like, he's like,
he kind of like gets on his leg,
he like sort of gets up on him.
And so Butter runs into his room.
He wakes, so he wakes up.
So he's there, he has like a book.
He's reading like, oh, this is creepy.
This is all about vampires and shit.
He's getting all spooked out.
He's at his bed.
And then he like just goes to sleep.
He wakes up the next day, he looks at the book,
he goes, ah, fuck it, throws it away.
He goes, ah, and he just has a beautiful day.
And then night comes.
And he tries to go over some paperwork
with the house, with NOSFACE,
and NOSFACE sees a picture of Butter's wife.
And he goes, your wife, literally the card,
your wife has a lovely match, lol.
And then we get at 31, 35, fuck,
I don't, I should have had this pulled up.
Doesn't matter.
We get actual creepy stuff.
Like, well, sort of.
It's nighttime.
He opens up his door,
and you just see Nosferatu at the end of the hallway,
perfectly standing straight,
staring right at the fucking doorway.
And he's like, oh, fuck.
And he like shuts the door, and he's freaking out.
He goes to his bed, he puts the covers over his head,
like a fucking dweeb.
But it was actually creepy, that part.
Anyway, sorry, I'll go quick.
He hides under his covers, yeah.
So many vampire tropes.
Haven't they done this already?
Just kidding, because it's 1922.
It was the first one.
But like, really, really?
Sunlight?
So Nosferatu, I spelled it like the license plate this time
on my notes, because I am doing it different each time.
I'm trying to, if you're noticing, playing along at home.
He finds himself in a coffin,
and two dudes just wrap it down the river, no questions asked.
Even says the dudes in the raft didn't know what it was,
but they knew their job was to take it downstream,
and just two guys, coffin, he's in the coffin.
But he's walked, I feel like he walks around
in sunlight a lot,
but I also feel like they couldn't film at night.
So just everything, you just gotta assume,
oh, he's probably, if he's outside, it's at night,
even though it's daytime.
Even though it looks way bright.
Because there's one point where he,
I mean, like a fucking archie, like, what's that?
Da da da da da da da da da da da.
Whatever that is, Benny Hill.
There's a Benny Hill moment where it's him with his coffin,
and he's just running around town
looking for the house that he bought.
And it's just, I mean, we're talking,
at seven times speed, took about two minutes to get through
for him to find his house.
It was ridiculous.
So we get a, the real estate agent becomes a thresh
of the vampire, sort of.
Like he becomes his willing slave, starts eating bugs,
which I guess is the first sort of depiction of this,
which is kind of cool.
Butter is now heading home from Transylvania to stop Nos,
I put like the rapper this time.
And then act four.
Oh, that was act three, that whole eating bugs,
and now he's on his way home.
Act four, Furatu, just thought that was fun,
if he was a dead furry, is coming.
He just runs around with a coffin.
Yeah, I did write that, I'll show you guys after.
He has rats with him, and everyone's freaked out
because there could be plague,
because this is shortly after the plague.
And then he reads a book, and at some point it says
the first crowing of the cock is when Nos Furatu will die.
So once the cock starts crowing, he'll die,
which means mourning, but I wrote it down
because it said cock.
And then Nos creeps, creeps on, oh.
He's like going, Dan, watch it, says cock.
So he's across the street because he bought the house
across from Hunter, and he watches Hunter's wife
from the window, super creepy,
that's another like gets you moment.
And I thought it was, oh, and then he gets into her house,
and you get the very infamous, this is what it's like
most known for probably, is this shadow thing.
So they perfectly get a creepy, cool shadow against the wall
and his arm moving and stuff, like it looks awesome,
especially considering the time.
It was next level fucking dope.
I put that was awesome, that gave it a whole extra point up
because this was probably gonna be pretty low otherwise.
But the cock crows, and the sun kills him,
he just poofs into some flames.
And then, oh, his name is Hunter,
because there was a slightly different text at the end
that had his name in it,
not that cursive bullshit they were using.
I mean, every note is butter, and I put,
oh, his name is Hunter.
So I gave it two out of five crowing cocks.
It's unauthorized, it lost in court, ordered to be destroyed,
might be anti-Semitic, which if it is,
one out of five cocks.
Oh, and then I watched, the second thing I watched
was Bad Bunny's music video, Battisano,
in which he does an homage to Nosferatu
and dresses up like the vampire,
although he takes some very big swings.
It's not a direct adaptation.
First off, he's awoken by a scientist Frankenstein style.
He does look awesome as Nosferatu.
When you said Bad Bunny, I thought you were like,
that bitch that was on Dr. Phil,
like, catch me outside, how about that?
No, talking about the Hispanic rapper,
who also was in the Bullet Train movie.
So, cool shadows, they did a cool shadow trick
as an homage to this.
The song actually kind of bumps,
and then you see zombies, you see puppets,
and then you see Jesus, I'm like, wait, what?
And then you see, oh, what it's showing,
it had a message in the end of this,
but it shows a young Bad Bunny
sitting on the couch with his father,
and his father, you got a picture of Jesus on the wall,
but he's showing him slasher movies like Psycho
and like Elf and Hitchcock stuff,
and they're enjoying it, they're laughing and all the fuck,
you know, like, this is cool, whatever.
And then it accidentally clips to two girls kissing
or two boys kissing, and the father covers his eyes
and like violently changes the channel.
So he was making a message, it was like,
oh, so you're gonna only watch people
get fucking murdered all day long,
but two people kissing is like, whatever.
And then at the very end, there's, oh,
and then at one point, at one point,
there's like a, like, faces are going by,
and I was like, oh, is that Steve Buscemi?
Like, there's a weird white guy's face
that just sort of like a translucent image behind him
for about two seconds.
And I was like, but then there was also a chick
and like some other ones, so I was like,
that looked like Steve Buscemi, but that's so weird.
And then it goes to an English guy at the end,
like a scientist and a priest guy,
and he like talks to him in English.
And then it ends, and it says, directed by who?
Starring Steve Buscemi.
In the credits, starring two seconds
of a half-faded image of his face.
And I was like, was that Steve Buscemi?
So quick, and it's like starring Steve Buscemi.
Loved it.
So I give, I give his, he gets five out of five cocks.
So five out of five cocks, no,
five out of five boys kissing with their cocks.
Did I miss something?
Cock? Why is cock the rating?
Throwing cocks, you weren't paying attention.
It's fine, it's a long episode.
Ladies and gentlemen, this has been classic, classic horror.
We've covered it from the earliest to the early,
the closest you can get to the 70s, you can.
Black and whites across the board?
Across the board, I think.
Black and white, black and white.
Black and white. Birds was color.
Birds was color.
Oh, birds was color, so fuck you, Austin.
This has been 70 Nights of Halloween
with Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm always gonna do the vampire voice now
because I love it.
You're not gonna do the old-timey one, eh?
Oh, yeah, fine, old-timey vampire.
I'm an old-timey vampire, hey.
You gotta combine them now, yeah.
With me as always is Austin, I want the blood, his blood.
Pharaoh.
Oh yeah, me, sorry.
It's Michael, he's got a meh nickname, meh, Larsen.
Not on these.
And we got Brennan.
Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh,
meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh,
meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh.
I'm also still not here, Andy.
Pigment of my imagination from months ago.
And I've been your host, Mandy Brite.
Oh God, I can't do fucking.
Mandy Rice?
No, I know.
Throw zombie in there too?
I did, I went zombie, old-timey,
it was almost as good as Groot earlier.
You said Groot earlier for Gru.
Yes, you did.
I was thinking, I was thinking.
I'm like, no, I'm just gonna let it stand.
I thought you said Groot too.
I was like, Jewish Groot?
You said Groot.
And I was like, walking like Groot, and I'm like, what?
Wait a minute, what, when?
When you're describing how it knows Grot too.
Groot, like Groot.
Groot.
Who's from Despicable Me?
Groot.
Oh, then I don't know.
Groot is a tree.
Oh, yeah, all right.
My bad, I thought there were two Groots.
Okay, my bad.
I don't watch Despicable Me.
I think the minions are annoying.
I'm in the camp of not a minion fan.
You gave me such a fucked up image in my head too,
Jewish Groot.
Walking like Groot, I'm like, what does that mean?
I was trying to figure it out at first.
And then you said at the end, from Despicable Me,
I'm like, what?
What's good is I can edit out all this bullshit
where you guys are calling me out
because I had already said my name.
So, yeah, this is Fried Rice Podcast.
We've been fried, we've been right.
Right, right.
We've been Rice, we've been podcast.
Good night.
We've been incorrect.
I don't know, we've been incorrect.
Fuck this.
It's been Andy in his living room by himself.
Yeah, there it is.
How to Humanize Using Beavis
you