And welcome everybody to another exciting episode of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host, Andy Rice.
Let's get fried.
This is a special spooky season.
Let's get it started right with me as always.
It's Austin.
He traveled three hours.
I did it wrong.
Austin, scrotum of a panda.
Check me out on X hamster.
It's Michael, two buttholes baked to perfection on a post-apocalyptic highway.
Larson.
I'm the lost Sanderson brother.
Oh, shit.
So that's going to be real weird when you talk about how hot Sarah Jessica Parker is
later.
You just put yourself in a weird and sexual hole, Michael.
And this is always, it is Brennan.
A shippley up to Austin.
But I also, two hairs, two armpit hairs from an angry bearded woman at a carnival in Minnesota.
That was a long one.
It was.
I couldn't, because this isn't a Halloween special.
This is a regular Fried Rice episode podcast.
We're just happy to be doing a Halloween movie in time for the holidays.
So I can't give you a holiday themed intro.
If you want one of those things, you just pay attention to just a short week or two
to time.
Depending on when you listen to this.
It's already passed.
We're starting our 17 nights of Halloween.
So join us for that.
It's going to be exciting.
But until then, we're doing hocus pocus, bitches.
But first, what are we smoking?
What'd you pack, Brennan?
Well, first off, what did we destroy ourselves on before we even started this thing?
We're drinking a pumpkin spice coffee.
It's their Autumn themed, it's called Autumn Haze.
It's a sativa.
And the joint broke, so we unrolled it and packed it in the bowl.
And you're drinking pumpkin spice coffee as well.
So you're all in the holiday spirit.
Still September, you pumpkin slut.
I'm ready.
It's the end of September.
We're recording Halloween themed.
I was like, perfect time to do Halloween stuff.
Yeah, fuck it, man.
It's nice.
It's that time.
It's the time of the year, especially for eggnog to start popping up.
That's my favorite shit.
I don't put alcohol in it.
I know it's weird.
I don't either.
But it's just the tastiest holiday beverage.
I walk to the fridge like the maturing candidate in the middle of the night and just drink
it right out of the fridge.
All of us do.
There's not a person in this room that isn't going to buy some pumpkin spice eggnog.
All of the seasonings that are in both pumpkin spice and eggnog are what I love about fall.
Cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, all of that stuff.
It puts me in spooky mode.
It puts me in also the Christmas mode.
So it's like there's that nice fun balance that, you know, that nightmare before Christmas
middle ground of spooky and cozy that I love.
Even though I feel like November is kind of the nicest month because in a way it's the
less there's no pressure.
Part of it.
Part of it is it doesn't feel right.
It feels so weird.
Yeah, my AC is blasting right now.
It's just keeping it down to the 70s and you're drinking pumpkin spice coffee.
Yeah, and I get it, dude.
But no, that tastes really good.
My throat's on fire.
Oh, and then the other thing I just packed was the originals.
I've been getting it from THC originals jack.
It's a Tiva as well.
And it's been pretty good.
I've been enjoying it.
Yeah, I've been kind of enjoying the switch to sativa.
It's been a little while since I've picked up sativa for myself.
So changing it up every now and again is good.
Yeah, it's very tasty.
I know that cheater fucked me the fuck up.
It's not often, ladies and gentlemen, I smoke a lot.
It's not often that I get annihilated.
And I just have just house weed, whatever the fuck I have.
I haven't picked up anything in a minute because I'm trying to be just a little bit more responsible
about...
Well, that's not true.
I just buy a lot more vape pens.
I think that's usually how I go.
So if we're going off of...
So you're more responsible with your lungs.
Yeah, so if I'm just highlighting then...I've been going to Story Cannabis and they on Fridays
have an amazing deal.
It's buy one, get one on these little fucking beauties right here.
And they're called M-Fused Super Fog.
They taste amazing.
They're two grammars and they're tiny.
This is compact fucking pits.
Great.
I get fucked up off these things.
Is it rechargeable?
Yeah.
Because it's two grams.
That's what it's out.
And they look so cute.
It's a cutie.
It's a cutie patootie.
I will say that the one that I've been getting, which of the...
What's good to know going in, there's basically three different types.
There's let's call it the fruity flavors, which are hands down some of the best tasting
vapes I've ever had in my life weed-wise.
So if you like fruity tasting vapes, that's the way to go.
I think they're really good and they hit hard.
I had the lychee flavor.
I've had grape.
I've had a couple other ones.
They've got some interesting...
Yeah, the lychee was good.
Lychee's great.
The fact that they had a lychee flavor, which is great.
Hope it's not pronounced lychee.
Is it?
Leche.
Leche?
Is it Spanish?
Well, no.
You're thinking of...
It's Asian.
The little white round...
It's lychee.
L-Y-C-H-E.
All right.
Listen, we have Googled every other fucking thing.
We literally pulled up porn on our Christmas special, I think, earlier.
Let's see.
You guys missed me on the last episode.
How did Double Dragon go?
This is a lychee, by the way.
Okay.
Yeah.
I hope it's pronounced that way.
I think you're right.
If I go here, does it tell you?
Lychee.
Oh yeah, lychee.
Let's see.
I think it's lychee.
Oh, no.
I found another AI.
All right.
Oh, God.
I found another AI.
All right.
We'll come back.
That one's just taking over.
Yeah.
That one's just...
Okay.
Taking over the simulation.
Yeah.
So, Super Fog.
I think they're great.
The fruity flavors, super delicious.
They get you fucked up.
They're great.
But on the other hand, they have the...
I think they're great.
They're great.
They have the loud and fire options.
And they taste more like weed.
Like a lot more like weed.
They just taste like weed.
Here, try that.
And they get you, I think, significantly more.
So not...
Maybe I shouldn't say significantly, because the other ones are pretty great.
I didn't know what I was missing until the bottom.
I was just tossing them around.
Not catch them.
You know, I was just...
It's great branding.
Anyway, to buy one, get one.
At Story Cannabis on Fridays.
How much are they?
Well, they're not cheap.
They're two grammars, so it comes out to like 60 bucks.
But for two, that's not bad.
But for two, it's not bad at all.
And this is just what I'm feeling like spoiling myself with like a cool little...
Because I have other babes.
But yeah, so that's what we've been smoking.
And let's move on to the movie.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I brought up, I missed the Double Dragon episode.
I'm so sorry.
You interrupted when you were smoking, which is, I think, a little rude.
I came in the back door of a sentence you were saying.
That's what she said.
So came in the back door.
It's funny you said that.
Pornhub time.
I'm sorry, I could not let it go.
That sounds exactly like...
Give me a recap of Double Dragon episode.
How'd that go?
I think we enjoyed talking about it.
I think if you look at the world building that Double Dragon had, it's pretty crazy.
Yeah, the oxy booths.
The oxy booths, the post earthquake jacked up city, like literally on jacks.
Like everything's jack powered, was pretty crazy.
We liked Robert Patrick as...
Is that his name, Robert Patrick?
Yeah, we liked him as Shuko and he was hamming it up and we liked it a lot.
I like things about it but not a good movie.
Boa Bobo was great.
Oh yeah, Boa Bobo, the giant scrotal monster running around in the shower.
His bathroom scene.
I'm ugly.
Oh yeah, that's one of the most tragic things ever built.
It's a sentient penis coming to life, discovering itself in a mirror and then saying it's ugly.
If that's not the definition of body shaving, I don't know what it is.
How many times have I come out of the shower and seen my own penis look up into the mirror
and just say to itself, I'm ugly and walk away.
Any reference to Alyssa Milano looking like Slim Shady the entire movie?
Oh, that's pretty funny.
A lot of adult...
Just her bending over three different times and everyone's like...
I forgot about that pervy scene until you brought it up.
They immediately lost points in my mind as heroes.
Once you go perv, you gotta listen.
If you're gonna be the hero in any situation, including fictional or real life, take the
sex out of it.
If you're rescuing a pretty girl from harm, don't objectify her on the way out.
Don't ruin my Superman porn.
Your Superman porn?
No, porn is our paid actress in my opinion.
That's okay.
I believe you wanted to say...
More movie actors, more actors.
Wait, wait, wait.
Superman porn?
Super...
You can watch any...
Superman or Superman porn?
No, you can watch any superhero on Pornode.
I think he has a porn group.
I would think you meant Supergirl, because that's what I would watch is Supergirl porn.
But to go back to your other point, I think...
Like the old Wonder Woman joke?
I think there's a space between super and man when you're Googling on Pornhub.
I think he has a point.
I think you're looking up Superman porn.
And I think what...
Superman thing porn.
Of course.
He's just typing in the word super and man thing into Pornhub and he's just pulling up
whatever pops up.
Also ending up on a list.
I'm always on a list.
Also are you specifically trying to watch Superman fuck other bitches?
Or do you want to...
I'm not.
I'm just saying it exists.
Do you want to watch the cosplay?
Because I prefer...
See, I wish...
Cosplay, yeah.
We've done...
I'm sure we did the X-Men...
I'm sure I've gone down a deep dive into how I would want to see a superhero porn be directed.
Sure.
I think you did.
Hancock nailed it.
Did we just shoot loads through the ceiling of his trailer?
Well, that's pretty great.
Yeah, I mean, it would be great if Superman, yeah, just pulled out and shot a load into
space.
It would be one of the best comics of all time or one of the best...
I mean, we are doing a rewatch of Smallville.
I can't tell you what happens in season six, but there is that one cum shot to space.
If you want to know how Lois dies.
Just out through her skull.
Right through her skull.
Yeah.
Well, realistically, your dick would probably go out like the back of her spinal cord.
But yeah, I get what you're saying.
You know what would be great though is if Superman did bust, like he pulled out and
shot a load into space and then Lobo got like a weird facial a few light years away and
he was like, what the fuck was that?
And that's what brings him to earth to fight Superman?
Hey, bub, you just fucking came on my face, man.
What's going on?
I love Lobo.
If you're not familiar, he's space Wolverine.
He's one of the coolest DC heroes.
I think they made him specifically to be like, oh, we need a little Wolverine.
They made him look like Wolverine.
He's fucking bad ass.
He's Wolverine and Deadpool mixed together on a bike in space and he just goes around
and fuck shit up.
He's a bounty hunter and everybody hates him and people kind of love him.
Like I mean, I'm talking in the universe, everyone outside the universe.
He's a underrated hero, the fact that we don't have him live action yet is crazy.
It like we need a Lobo.
So hashtag DC really hasn't messed with space much yet.
So we got Green Lantern Corps in the Snyder Cut.
Marvel just has them on the ground.
Marvel just benchers in game.
Just fucking boom.
And they're like, we made a we released the Snyder Cut.
You know what the problem is, is that too many people are fucking assholes in the world.
Are any of the DC movies awful?
No, no, they're not.
Not any of them.
I saw that that new Flash one.
It's not that bad.
That one.
It's like a movie.
They brought the Nick Cage Superman.
I love it.
All that.
All that stuff.
That's great.
I don't care about the graph.
Oh, the graphics aren't up to par with other things.
All right.
Over it.
And now I look at about the story.
Now I'm like, cool.
I wanted to see Nick Cage Superman in the movie that he should have starred in that
we would have had, which would have been fucking sick.
And that would have existed in the Batman universe.
The one the George Clooney Batman universe that would have existed simultaneously.
We would have had the first instance of a we could have had a Batman Superman, George
Clooney versus Nick Cage would have been amazing.
And we would have gotten long haired Superman.
It would have been a more nuanced Superman because you know, Nick Cage wouldn't have
been like, I'm Superman.
We were just talking about this the other day because that that actually fits because
how the fuck does Superman cut his hair anyway?
Yeah.
Mike did ask that.
And he I said that he shaves by looking in the mirror and using his Heat Ray vision.
Is it like DC is just DC and Marvel is like Disney and Star Wars and all that stuff.
They just have more money.
They have a bigger studio.
And DC is just DC by itself or is there a big same budget and it's not DC Warner Brothers?
Yeah.
Warner Brothers Warner Brothers.
Yeah.
The power of Warner Brothers and the backing of HBO.
Yeah.
So if you watch Warner Brothers has shut down their fucking game division.
So we're not getting any Warner Brothers games anytime soon.
They have a bunch of like the nemesis system from the Lord of the Rings game.
They have that patented.
That's the reason why you don't see that anymore.
Same thing with playing little mini games in the loading screen that's patented.
It's like locked away and nobody's doing anything with it.
So it's really just shitty Warner Brothers.
It's not DC's fault.
Well, but Warner Brothers can also license that stuff if they want.
Yeah.
Like we've got Justice League or Suicide Squad killed the Justice League.
Yeah.
But the reason that now it sucks because that game failed so spectacularly that that I mean
there's no recovering from you can't it sucks.
It was the best premise of all time.
Play as the Suicide Squad killed the Justice League.
And then you felt just like the Marvel game.
What's that?
The Avengers game.
The Avengers did better.
Well, they that it's once they added the one that's coming out right now or not next year
is Marvel rivals, which is going to be like Overwatch, but with the entire Marvel cast.
I don't know.
Sounds like it's going to be awesome.
I'm not.
I'm a little bit.
You got to watch the gameplay.
Yeah, I will.
But I have never been I've never been an Overwatch fan.
I've never been the whole six.
I don't like online cooperative.
I don't like online PVP games.
I do like Dead by Daylight.
I'll stay by that.
But that is also more co-op working together to do something.
Well, this is a hero shooter.
It's not a yes.
I know.
It's like it's Overwatch.
It's a six V six, right?
Five V five.
And you probably have tanks and long range tanks, DPS and yours.
And so like it's the same shit.
It's a gameplay loop that you play right now on Overwatch, except it's with the Marvel
skin and Marvel sound effects, and that's fine.
And I like that.
But I'm getting a little bit more critical of like what's being fed to me.
I'm OK when like Hogwarts legacy came out and it's basically just a third.
It's basically just any other link.
You know, it's a story driven game.
Yeah, it's an open world action RPG.
I own a PS five.
I love cinematic story games.
But but as you were saying, they're all loops.
They're all works.
Yeah, but Hogwarts legacy sold me because it's like here's a broom that lets you fly
anywhere.
Here's the most beautiful setting.
Here's the music that you want to be listening to.
It's the combination of all those things together.
It's amazing.
Just go into a little village and landing down listening to just British people going
like, oh, hello there.
I'm a wizard.
I love wizarding.
I'm going to say it all the time.
It's so good.
I bought I bought Astro bots.
Brennan's Brennan gave me the seal of approval and I got it.
It's the next game.
I went there.
I bought a brand new it came with a poster of the PlayStation ship.
I'm like, oh, you didn't have to do that.
Thank you.
Like I missed that.
Oh, yeah.
That sounds like you bought the physical.
Yeah, I bought I only buy physical games now unless it's like a free like PlayStation
Plus gives me a free.
They gave me Little Nightmares.
I haven't played it yet.
Little Nightmares 2.
Yeah.
I think it's couch go up.
So I might play that.
That looks great.
I actually have to buy the casting of Frank's.
This isn't wreck wreck, by the way.
This is this is for later.
What's now?
So sorry, everybody.
Thanks, everyone.
We tangented on video games and not porn again.
Oh, wait.
No, we did do porn.
A little bit of both.
It's always porn.
So let's get into the movies that we review this week.
And we were supposed to have a special guest star.
She just shout out to Ashley.
She'll join us another time, I'm sure in the future.
But she got stuck with her kids.
I told her what the next week movies were.
I'll just I'll just tell her each time until she's like, OK, I'll do that one.
That sounds like harassment.
I feel like we let her choose.
It was a reply to.
It's just the way you phrase it's like, no, I'll just keep messaging her until she comes
to your house.
Keep telling her what movie it is.
And if she decides she wants to come for that movie, then again.
Yeah, we talked about this way too long, but Austin, you're taking it too personally.
I do want to say how nice.
I always look like this.
I always like it's very clean.
Yeah, it is clean.
It's always you think I just show up here with like flip flops and Jim Shorts.
Like Ryan Conn does to every fucking comedy show.
Yeah, you're still thinking about it, aren't you?
I am.
Brandon pointed out Brandon pointed out that my shit's dusty.
Well, everything in every house in this entire town.
I know my wife absolutely hates it because she's like, I'm constantly vacuuming the filters.
I'm constantly doing this constantly do that.
Dirty and dusty all the time.
And I'm like, where we live?
I keep the shit locked up as tight as I can.
The wind might.
If you look at Oh, by the way, if you look at my I moved some of my comics out, I don't
feel there's some of these, but I forgot a long time ago and I should have brought it
out the other day.
But second from the top is my Archie versus Predator comic.
And it's it's fucking awesome.
I flipped it because I don't know if I haven't read it in a while, but there's I just found
the page.
It's Betty and Veronica covered in more.
I just covered up what deals with you have a contrarian take on the Predator episode
you guys did last week.
Oh, no, we had a good time.
It was a Predator's hasn't came out yet.
It'll come out after this on it.
We never kept this a secret.
That's true.
Yeah, but we can't also they're going to go back and look at the video and say they're
wearing the same exact clothes in this video that they did months ago.
Did they just sync up?
No, no.
But what he's saying is that right now, the people listening to the Hocus Pocus episode
are going to tune in.
They already clicked away at Superman porn.
Well, join us in a week or two and you can listen for yourself to our Predator, the Predator
special.
Yeah, but it was great.
I'm not there.
I didn't have time to watch a Predator movie.
And so I was just going to review to catch a Predator.
Yeah, that was going to be my plan.
And I didn't get to execute it.
I just thought you maybe had some.
Hello, I've got Cheetos.
I thought maybe you would have some contrarian thing to say like Predators.
This poor guy stranded on this planet and big giga Chad Arnold Schwarzenegger's like
fucking with them, encroaching on his territory.
Actually that's a great take.
The Predator wasn't actually no one watched that movie.
Oh yeah, what do you watch?
Oh yeah, don't say what movies they were.
But yeah, I would say this that that's a great take if it wasn't for the Yatcha, the actual
species of alien that is the Predator.
They are a hunting species.
And so they came down, he came down to Earth as a hunting ritual, as a hunting right.
So it's not poor him.
It's like good for him every kill he gets.
Like I'm proud of him.
If I were one of the alien race, I'm proud of you kid.
Come back.
You're going to get to lead your own people.
Take the women you want to take.
I don't know how it works, but I got a job from a blow job from one of the fucking Predator
chicks.
No, thank you.
That's what I was saying.
Right?
No, thank you.
I'll stick to the cyclo women.
Thank you.
That's about as far alien as I'll go.
I'll stick to the cyclo women from battlefield Earth.
I'll get the Predator bitch.
I just like your contrarian takes like Freddy just, I'm just a good guy bitch.
Just trying to mow the lawn bitch.
Every blade of grass makes it so a kid is less likely to trip.
And if the one thing I care about bitch, it's child safety.
Are you doing Edward Scissorhands?
That was Freddy.
Again, join us in a couple of weeks when that episode comes out.
Here's a novel idea.
Here's the best of episodes coming up in a couple of weeks.
Here's the highlight reel of episodes.
Not yet show.
You can watch the episodes early if you subscribe to our Patreon.
Nope.
No, we can't lie to people anymore.
I think we can get legally in trouble if we keep telling people go to our Patreon, you'll
get shit.
If you go to our Patreon right now, there's an option to pay us.
You're more than welcome to.
It does help us out.
It would tremendously help us out.
It literally goes to my gas fund.
I need to start paying Austin money so he can come out here.
50 bucks a week at least.
That's at least a couple of Pesos.
But all you're going to get, and this is something, is the episodes 1 through 26 are not available
anywhere else.
So if you want to listen to the very first 1 through 26, the Bob saga as we call it.
Bob game.
Or what's the one?
We got the Infinity Bob.
The Bob Diaries.
The Infinity Bob.
The Bob Diaries.
That's for Andy's.
No, that's this.
We're not even here yet.
Again, another highlight for something that's coming out a week from now.
So did Todd Royce get back to you about coming on the pod?
What's going to happen?
I don't even know where that line is in our trajectory of timeline.
I don't know if I should be mad at you or be like, yes, we talked about that last week.
That's what happens when you learn how time works.
I'm so broken.
And the fact that we're looking at a space band floating in what can only be described
as time fluid, it just makes me, that's my background.
You know what it was, Andy?
That AI program you opened, it's destroying your matrix.
Leechy?
Yeah.
I opened up the leechy AI and it started just, it just started like pulsing.
You know, it started leeching.
It's destroying AI.
We're going to disappear in a second.
If you guys, if you guys infinity war out of here, if you, if, if right now Austin falls
into my arm, I don't know what's happening.
Something doesn't feel right.
You're not even going to be upset.
You're just going to be like, fuck, how am I going to move his car out of the way of
mine in the driveway?
Open the door.
There's no cars out there.
There's no doors.
I didn't realize there's no door.
That's our infinity war.
You disappear and so does your car.
That's the fried rice movie right there.
We have so, we have too many sequels to write.
Mack and me, battlefield earth, smiley face two.
What was, oh, there's so much to do with smiley face universe.
I think smiley face V Harold Kumar.
V Cheech and Chung.
V. Give me another iconic.
We do have to be.
Mack Miller and Snoop Dogg.
That's in Harold Kumar.
Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart.
Oh, Seth Rogen and James Franco.
I don't know if Franco smoked weed anymore, does he?
Oh, I thought you were doing movie universes anyway, weren't you?
Yeah.
We can just stick with the original nine, six people.
Have we even mentioned the movie that's titled after?
Yeah, so we're doing, all right, everybody welcome to another episode of blah, blah,
blah.
We're on the tangent.
We are watching the very classic, the very demure.
All right, I just ruined it.
Demure?
Yeah, it's a thing.
It's a thing, Mike.
People are saying.
You can't say that and not wear a Joy Division t-shirt.
What the fuck are you doing?
I love it.
I love Joy Division.
You know, have you ever seen the movie about the origin of Joy Division?
Dude, right when this movie starts, you just see the witches ruin something off in the forest
and I'm like, damn, those witches are blazing the good shit.
Yeah.
And then they're luring this little girl and they don't mention anything about the song.
The girl's just following them.
Like, they're just like, hey, we got free, we got robux for you.
And they come to the forest.
Yeah, but I don't think they mention that till the end when they get all the kids.
No, but we hear the song.
You hear it.
Yeah, but I don't think you connect those dots.
Oh, I do.
Immediately.
You just hear someone singing.
The song is calm little children.
It's the Pied Piper.
It's not hard to connect the dots.
It's the Pied Piper.
When I first heard it, I was like, oh, that shit sounds like a song that lures children
because the little girl, you just see like kind of zombie walking out.
I didn't put that together till like she watches her brother just get fucked up and just sits
there just watching it all go down.
Austin just thought she was stupid.
Well, they had robux.
I don't know.
I mean, I feel like that would work.
The actress that plays that child actress, she is in a band and goes to cons with the
guy that plays the Billy Butcherson dude and the another.
Oh, and the guy that plays ice.
So because I saw a comic con picture and it's and I was like, who's that?
Like, who the fuck did she play?
She was significantly younger and they click.
Oh, it's the little girl.
And literally, I her I'm to be just that.
And then appearance of of some thing that talks about Hocus Pocus.
Yeah, the 25th anniversary special.
And that's pretty much.
Yeah.
So she gets taken.
Let me first thing I write.
It's beautiful cinematography.
Whoever whoever cinematography, whoever did the cinematography for this.
And flying over the little cottages and stuff.
Yeah, the flyover, the cottages, the effects, the practical effects, the visual effects,
some other than other than what I actually wrote this in my review was about the effects
are great in this except for the fucking cat.
Yeah, I wrote this.
I wrote the cat CGI is not that bad for 1993.
I wrote it doesn't hold up.
It doesn't hold up, but it's old.
Yeah, it's old.
I know it's fine.
I still felt like one was better than two, though, as far as the CGI.
I feel like there was some parts of CGI.
We'll talk about.
We'll get to two.
Yeah, you could you could see the budget difference.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
I'm not going to butcher to, but you know.
It's cool seeing the kids back then are a lot more sturdy, more independent.
Like he just factory runs out and he like he's he's determined.
He's cool.
He gets there.
So then at six minutes and 30 seconds, because I thought we were going to pull it up, but
we're not.
Let's do it this way.
It's the sweatiest face of a boy you've ever seen in your life.
He's in the cabin.
He's like watching him and it just cuts to him.
And it's just like they literally just are you ready?
And he splashed water on his face.
He's like that Jordan Peele meme.
It's just dripping sweat.
So I was like, oh, all that time, that few minutes you're watching them do the spell
trying to kill your sister and you come up with the plan.
It's to go and jump off and do nothing.
His plan was to yell no, jump off his little platform, land to the ground and then get
zapped.
It was pretty bad.
And we get introduced to probably my childhood sexual awakening.
Exactly.
Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sjp is so, so fucking hot in this movie.
I don't know if it's the corset or if it's like the trashy look.
It's the stupid.
It's her stupid.
It's her character.
Because here's the thing.
You first see in your life, she's sexy.
Then she starts going, and then you're just like, oh, God, I want that crazy fucking she's
so hot.
She's a hot idiot.
And there's so much dumb blonde like Carrick.
I mean, just a caricature.
Also, she's like, hang him on a hook and let me play with him.
And I'm like, I just watched the Disney logo like five minutes ago.
What the fuck is going on?
You know, this is this is I was going to say this is not a kid.
No, it's well, it is.
It is.
You could totally watch this with kids and they will pick up on all these things.
Kids, 13 kids.
What do you what?
Hey, I'm talking.
I watched this.
This came out in the world.
I watched it in 93 out six years old.
I didn't I didn't watch it with my kids.
But did you get it?
Because there's so much sexual innuendo and comment.
I probably watched this almost every Halloween since at least 1995.
I'm saying because whenever it got the VHS.
I understand I'm saying that when you were six, you didn't get half the movie.
All the sexual innuendo and commentary.
If you did, then we need to look into your background more.
I understood.
No, no, no.
I understood when his little sister says, what do you call them?
Yabos.
I know that she was talking about boots.
But the thing is, the entire movie, if you look at it from it, you could see it from
a kid's point of view.
They innuendo a lot of stuff that you don't have to know.
So it's like as a kid, it doesn't matter.
You could say, yeah, it goes past.
So that's all I was saying.
And if you know what boobs are, you kind of get a laugh because it's like you're still
they're not talking about like look at the tits on that chick.
They're talking about having to find virgins.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
And the moms, the moms at the Halloween party, not a kid's move.
The moms tick.
There are nine deaths in this movie.
OK, first off, Madonna wore those wore those.
That's Madonna.
The worst example ever.
Six year olds.
That's the video that was played on TV.
So it's OK.
First off, are those pearls?
I see you clutching because, oh, my, you're getting you're so no, no, no, I'm just saying
this is pointing out that it's not really that much of a little kids movie that I think
is appropriate for like, I'd say, nine or 10.
I think 90s kids, kids handled it just depends on the kids.
Yeah.
She's eight years old, right?
I think Laura Burch's character.
And yeah, I'd say anything over her age is fine.
That's what I'm saying.
That's why I said her perspective.
I wouldn't show it to a toddler.
I saw it when I was six because that's when it came out.
It was a Halloween movie on Disney Channel.
This was a Disney Channel original movie, I think, initially.
No, it was not.
It was not.
OK.
Or was it theatrical?
But it's made by the summer so the kids would be out of school.
But it was made by Disney Channel movies made by Disney.
On the Wikipedia, it says it said that's where it's playing now is on the.
I think it was part of the this was around the time when they were starting the Disney
Channel original movies.
I think maybe that was part of the company.
I don't know.
But it is Disney.
Fine.
But I'm your kid, Andy.
You just you just made me watch Hocus Pocus.
Yeah.
All right.
Hey, Dada.
I told you not to wait.
Let me finish the credit.
Are you are you going to shut the fuck up?
I need to see if there's a post credit.
OK, there's none.
Can I help you?
I watch Hocus Pocus.
Yeah.
How do you like it?
What are you almost?
More importantly, what's a virgin?
You're my son.
We're going to play the game.
Name five things that you would change about that movie right now.
Go.
Oh, they tell me what you have those are.
I'm bored.
Can you put your pants on?
No.
Get out.
Go to your room.
Why does it smell weird?
I would be a terrible thought.
That's why I'm not.
I don't have children.
So, yes, they're just Parker's so hot.
Here's something you don't think about.
OK, now I will say that if you have a if you're sensitive, this is going to be if you have
a sensitive kid, don't show them.
It's I guess PG heavy on the.
We're not having on the G heavy on the guidance.
I don't know.
Nobody's outraged.
We're just we see something like really?
That's in a Disney movie.
Yeah, because I did write down that they straight up killed that girl.
And then when the villagers showed up, they just lightly cover the corpse with a blanket.
But if you put it in the words, cover the corpse of the child, it does come off a little
bit dark.
So when they get hung, they're standing on barrels and the barrels get dropped up beneath
them.
I don't think that that's enough force to break next.
I think they would have strangled to death.
So the fact that we just saw still feet was a little bit of a little bit weak.
Well, that was trying to tame it down for the kids.
Yeah, they're struggling and they made down just they want them struggling and pissing
themselves like you.
You can't have Sarah.
I would.
But you can't have Sarah Jessica Parker in the back or go whoops and cover up the child
corpse and then cut to a tame hanging.
You know what I mean?
Like go deeper or like go harder.
Don't let's have an R rated one.
Yeah.
Are we supposed to be rooting for the witch burners?
What the fuck is that all about?
Because the like the Salem witch trials was a moral panic.
And that is not like this is like the gay panic all over again or the Dungeons and Dragons
that Dungeons and Dragons panic.
It's just a moral panic where a bunch of people get this crazy idea in their head and they
get convinced by this conspiracy and it influences real action.
And in this case, in Salem and other parts of Massachusetts at the time, women were getting
burned at the stake and killed in other really horrific and painful ways, all in the name
of religion and misunderstandings and faithfulness of anything that anyone needed a reason.
They could maybe convince someone to get fucking murdered.
It's a terrible time period.
But yeah, great.
They killed the Sanderson sisters.
Who were they even harming?
They were singing a song and a little girl breaks into their home.
That's standard.
I was getting back to who they were harming.
Just say it.
Stand your ground laws, bro.
The interesting thing that I was watching this and then I go look stuff up on it.
I found out Sarah Jessica Parker, she plays the witch, obviously, the whole story.
When she did a show called Who Do You Think You Are in 2004 after this and found out that
she was her great grandmother, 10th grade grandmother, Esther Elwell, was arrested in
Salem in the matter.
Her great grandmother was the last witch trial in Salem.
That's weird.
The last one.
Yeah, she got away, actually.
She ran and the whole story that ended the Salem witch trial was her getting away and
then figuring out later she wasn't a witch and that it was all a lie.
It's Sarah Jessica Parker's 10th great grandmother going back.
That's insane.
It is insane.
She ran it because it was after the movie.
She didn't know it.
There's another.
Sarah Jessica Parker said that afterwards she found out that she was responsible for
over 50 million first time erections when this movie came out for children watching
it for the first time and realizing that yabos exist.
But anyway, I don't really want to.
They had a lot of fun.
Wow.
Shit on my point.
No, no.
I just thought it was fun to add on with another fact.
No, but that's actually crazy.
Was she in the?
She's married to Matthew Broderick.
Was she in the Carrie Diaries?
No, she is.
She's in the Carrie Diaries?
No, she's not.
She's not in the Carrie Diaries.
I've never heard of the Carrie Diaries.
Well, you kind of, does that ruin everything?
Yes.
Does that ruin absolutely everything you asking?
Timeline wise, are we back on timeline again?
Yeah, well, no.
Yeah, we're just having fun.
If anyone listens to our shit, Brennan ruined it all if they remember it.
But I will say this, we sometimes record things out of order.
So some things just, some things will happen and that'll pay off later if you're a real
rememberer kind of person.
So what are your favorite kind of movies?
What's that?
What are your favorite kind of movies?
Because we're living one.
Time travel.
Yeah, we're living.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So Brennan and Austin, well, you guys are here.
They're breaking, they're breaking the timeline currently in my head.
That's why I wasn't here last week.
I was time traveling.
You might have been here last week at this point.
We're breaking the fourth wall, right?
Can we point out just while we're still in the cabin and they're just, they have so,
they need a dead man's toe and they have so many dead man's toes.
They just have a bowl of them like Cheetos at a Super Bowl game and they're just, they're
having dead man's toe fights.
Where are they getting all these toes?
How come they live so close to this village but everyone's just walking around barefoot?
You know what?
This is Pilgrim Times.
People be done.
Like, I bet you, I bet you they just go to the fucking graveyard.
No, just Ed Gein it up?
They just Ed Gein it.
To their Ed Geins.
Oh, did you hear about they're making an Ed Gein monster, I think it is, on Netflix where
they did the guy from American Horror Story is Jeffrey Dahmer.
They're doing Ed Gein and it's going to be the Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy.
Oh, that's cool.
I want a H.H. Holmes.
I want a good H.H. Holmes.
Which one was he, the doctor guy?
I want Devil in the White City.
He's the hotel owner.
He's the one that made the traps in his house.
He built a death, he built a death hotel and he lured, they say maybe hundreds of women
into it during the 1893 Chicago World Fair giving them free bores.
He's like, oh, you're traveling alone, I've got a hotel, I'll fucking hook you up.
You put him in the room and you gas him and you burn him in an oven down in the, or like
a kiln or whatever, a furnace or whatever that he had at the bottom.
There's a book about it called Devil in the White City and that not only vividly paints
the story of like maybe the most notorious serial killer in American history, but it
also showcases the 1893 Chicago World Fair.
It's fucking fascinating, the alabaster city paints every building white.
So when you walked in, it was marvel to be seen.
It's like completely white for like a mind.
Sounds amazing.
Are you being sarcastic?
Because you think that's the only interesting fact is that they painted it white.
Did you do the Cracker Jack debut at the 1893 Chicago World Fair?
Cracker Jack.
The Ferris wheel too?
The Ferris wheel, I was going to get there, Brendan.
But you said that.
You took a step on the fucking big reveal.
You said that in a past episode.
You didn't get the bit, but I bet AI will.
You smiled a fourth one on this particular story.
It's a smiley face episode all over again.
But what did you mean, your race?
What did you say race?
No, moving on.
Dead Man's Toes, Ed Gein.
Toes everywhere.
Yeah, so they get a lot of toes.
The actual movie we watched.
Did we break Andy this episode?
Yep, it might be.
It's just I walk over to the shotgun in my closet and I'm just like, well, this just
seems inevitable.
And I'm probably already at the end time.
I am inevitable.
AI, count how many times Andy talks about killing himself over the course of Fried Rice
podcast?
He's mentioned killing himself approximately.
I don't like them referring to the cat as beast.
Oh, what do you mean?
We're calling a cat a beast because they turn him into a cat and he's like rubbing up against
his dad's feet.
Kind of weird.
But he's like, get away beast.
Yeah.
But then in the rest of the movie, he can talk.
You could have just said, I'm your fucking kid.
You believe me?
I'm talking to a cat.
I think they would have just killed that cat.
You watch your father, who's up until this point has been a good man.
It's like better than most.
You've heard of other fathers in this Pilgrim time beating on their wife and kids.
Your father hasn't raised his hand to you once.
He's a noble man.
He does his farming good.
He's a good man.
You've just watched him savagely just murder three women because they killed his daughter.
He thinks they killed you.
They're not telling him where your body is.
And then all of a sudden the cat goes, Hey dad.
Fucking accident.
Just blood, blood rage in his eyes.
Fuck that.
So we get to modern day, well, 1990, modern day, we get 1993 modern day Salem.
And let me tell you this.
This movie has shaped fundamentally my fall aesthetic in my head.
It's like when I think of fall, I very specifically think of 1993 Salem from Hocus Pocus, one
of the most beautifully shot fall movies of all time.
It seems like one of the most beautiful cities ever.
My parents go there about once a year on a road trip.
Is it on location?
Yeah.
I went to Salem.
I tried to like remember, like recognize I couldn't really.
You'd have to probably get a guy like, like ask me, like show me some, some shots, but
like there has to be, because for sure in the sequel, they've captured, I think a few
of the same places.
Yeah.
Like that bridge.
Yeah.
And there's maybe a couple of iconic, a couple of iconic places, but I went there and I went,
I wanted to see where they hung the witches at, like where the witch trials happened.
And I went and it's just a bunch of townhouses now.
And so I'm thinking like your little kids just sleeping in the same airspace where like
a dead witch was just swinging and joking and dying.
That's crazy.
Did you go during Halloween time?
No.
They do do a big thing.
I, there's nothing more than I, than I, than anything I've wanted to go to.
To go to one of the Halloween parties.
That'd be so much fun.
I, it's a dream of mine.
Um, haven't been able to make it yet, but maybe within the next year, maybe Oregon's
not that far.
You can, you can get there.
Oregon Salem, Oregon.
That's true.
Salem, Oregon's not that far.
What's the capital of Oregon?
Why do we, what's the, hold on.
Nope.
Is there a Eugene, Oregon?
Yeah.
Is it Ben?
Nope.
South Bend?
Nope.
That wouldn't make sense.
My wife's from Oregon.
I should know this.
South Bend, Indiana?
You're missing another major city.
Portland?
Nope.
Salem.
Is Salem the?
Salem is the capital.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Nobody knows that.
But is Salem the capital of Massachusetts?
No.
Which is where this movie actually takes place.
So.
I know.
I had to throw that in there.
Yeah.
But Salem, Oregon does look a lot like Salem, Massachusetts.
Does it?
Weird.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
I mean, that's.
Is that where you went looking for the witch trials?
No, I went.
No wonder he couldn't find any of the sets.
I was looking.
It's like you go to the actual.
I couldn't find the set.
I found prohibition tunnels.
Like.
I found some, some sets from Twilight.
From a place in Washington.
Yeah.
That's around the same.
So let's see.
OK.
So we.
In school.
In high school.
We get the.
One of those teachers that.
How did I describe her?
She's one of those dresses up and really loves what they teach kind of teachers.
One of those just sweet.
Sweet old women.
Good teacher.
She's like enthusiastically telling these high school kids.
I've heard this story a thousand times.
This is their look like they're.
What?
Sophomores.
Juniors.
And.
And they're you know, they're like.
They've heard they live in Salem.
They know the Sanderson sisters.
Over and over and over again.
I actually turned to my wife and asked her even.
Do you teach this in your class?
She's like, no.
Then we were talking and she said, but we do teach the Trail of Tears.
Oh.
Which is locally here.
So I'm assuming that whatever state history you have that something like this would be
taught in school.
Because that's why I asked her, would they teach this in school?
She's like, well, probably there they would because it's part of their local history.
You get a probably a couple of days on Salem, which trials.
In world air in U.S.
History, you have to because.
There I don't think.
I got out here.
Trail Trail.
I don't think I did get in school.
I.
Tears was here.
Well, there's two.
There's Arizona.
There's two different.
Like, is that what this highway is?
They just fucking paved over it.
Put a bunch of McDonald's up.
Goodwill.
Pretty much.
I'd say we did the Salem witch trials around the same time as like the scarlet letter and
like that kind of American history.
I'd say middle school.
Yeah, I I was elementary and she didn't.
That's why.
Well, I wouldn't say I don't think that they would do it because elementary you learn about
the Native American struggle.
I know that.
And then I think you get into Christopher Columbus stuff and early American history.
I think it's all around that.
I think you covered that block.
And then I think you go middle school is when they start because it's they wait till high
school, I think, to go slavery.
I think that's I think that's like maybe middle school.
But it's like I know that they wait until you're a little bit older to older to them be like,
we're going to have to dedicate some time to this.
And I know you like you.
You learn a lot more about slavery than you do.
Unless you live in the South.
Then it didn't happen.
I took a I took a college course called Ancient Slavery and it was taught by a black woman.
You advanced in slavery so far.
They put you in ancient slavery.
I passed all the other slavery courses.
Slavery Advanced Slavery 102.
I was just like, where's the AP course?
I know all this.
What do you think gets me off?
No, but I I took a course called Ancient Slavery and it was taught by a black woman.
The reason I bring this up is because my friend and I we took this and we're hoping that we even said going into is like,
I hope that it's a fair divide of like ancient cultures and their slave.
Like I would like to know more about Egyptian slave, about Mesopotamia, you know, like all that kind of stuff,
which we definitely got into the first week and then the rest of the semester was was just the black American slave.
And I was just like, this is an ancient history that it is in the in the scene.
They told that teachers like you can't just talk about black.
It's like, fine, we'll do it first week.
We'll do it first week about Egypt and shit.
What kind of what kind of black said was that, bro?
I had a teacher like that, like straight up like, homie, don't play like that.
Clapping your hands with mine was not a homie.
The clown black. She was a well-spoken she was a well-spoken professor who dominated her course with and I will say, though,
because like you're saying ancient because that's not ancient.
My mother was alive with not for slavery, but for for no, but for like several waterpounds and stuff.
Yeah, she was alive. You were alive.
Civil War era right around when we were born.
Seventies. You think that's what the Civil War was?
No, no, no, it was.
It was. No, when do you think it ended?
Never. Never.
That's what I'm saying.
If you think just because the 60s started off the civil, the civil rights era and that we got segregation eliminated, quote unquote.
I think it wasn't until the 80s until we saw like universally in America where a black person could travel safely from almost any state.
I don't think it's universal now.
Well, I think the thing about this, a black person wouldn't feel safe traveling through the South.
I feel like there's some parts.
So there's that's where a lot of black people live in the South.
So I feel like it's it would be so commonplace that I don't even know if there'd be the fear unless you're driving through one of those fucking small towns.
Those small towns. Yeah.
I was just joking about your teacher, but I think the reason why everyone focuses on the black slavery is just there's way more evidence of it.
Like Mesopotamia Egyptians, like there's not a lot of record.
There is all to the how do we really know to us?
Yeah. But even then, modern day, modern day African slavery could also be thrown into the into the discourse as well.
It's just like there are those children making your iPhone any less slaves than those people were.
Yeah, a little bit, because there's a card.
There's indentured servitude and then there's slavery.
And I think the difference is like indentured servitude pays you not enough for you to live on your own, just enough to get by.
But you still you get paid. You're still stuck in a cycle that you can't get out of very easily.
So all of us. Yeah. Yeah.
We're kind of all in that spot.
But the thing is, I feel like if you were an indentured servant and you have like a like a raw talent to like shred on a guitar
and you somehow found online band to perform with and then somehow they're just like, cool, let's let's go be a band.
You could get out of. But with slavery, it's you're owned by someone.
And under the under the under punishment, under like violence, a lot of the times you will be if you don't work, you don't do your job.
So well, they're saying that like nowadays there's more slavery than at any point in history.
Well, it's like it comes slavery. There's that.
There's the prostitution about this all the time.
The fucking mines. Oh, yeah.
The African blood. Not blood diamonds. It's the shit that's in your phone that goes in your battery.
Oh, so lithium lithium mines.
I think there's all sorts of mines that we don't even hear about.
Every precious metal has to come from a mine and all of our phones are made from precious metal.
So, yeah, lithium might be the one they're talking about now, but next week it could be zinc or aluminum or whatever.
It's like we don't know every fucking metal comes from a mine.
So aluminum. How did we get here from dead man's toe?
What the fuck? We haven't even gotten to my point was I love the aesthetic of 90s, 90s Salem.
And I think you're a son of a bitch.
CIA thinks we're like covert, like putting information to people.
These are all codes. Superman port.
The lithium mines are out of control. We need to stop.
We speak in code.
Too much fun. We need you here.
So I was like, I put why would he speak up in in class?
So it's one thing to not believe in the Sanderson sisters.
I don't think anyone really does in that class.
But they're all like in the in like the moment that seems like they're all genuinely genuinely enjoying it.
Like it's they're all kind of enthralled with their fun teacher.
Joy basically even tells him to shut up.
Yeah. Well, yeah. And it's like I get it.
It's like he literally if you're watching this movie, pay close attention when he when you see him, he goes.
And a word bubble pops up above his head briefly.
It says PFF. And that's him.
That's him going. I saw him.
I saw him as young Andy. Like the thing I will not believe.
Well, here's the thing about the Sanderson sisters.
How do we know that they're sisters?
In fact, when we see them, they don't even look like when we see them in the second movie, it looks like they're only a few years apart age.
But then when we see them as adults, it doesn't look like Sarah Jessica Parker's at least 20 years younger than Bette Midler.
What the fuck is going on with that timeline? Is it magic?
I don't understand it. Anyway, moving on.
Why are they older? You went from Ben Shapiro to angry Jack.
Why that little circle to the right?
Thank you.
Why are they older in the second? I don't know.
I didn't even I wasn't even going to get it.
But yeah, why are they older than the second movie?
We don't know. Well, no, fuck it.
It depends on the method of death. When a clean hanging, they stay the same age when they blow up, when they get Infinity Ward at the end of the end of their at the end of the new age after that.
Well, because here's the thing, Mike, if you really want to nitpick the movie, why does Bette Midler turn into stone and the other ones just blow up?
I bet that's the hollowed ground.
That's thank you, Brendan. That actually was a big chunk of my brain that was causing me stress.
There's a little tumor.
There's a tumor growing on the on the left side of my brain. I can feel it. And it's just full of throbbing thoughts that won't go away.
And one of them was, why did she turn to stone? And thank you. She did touch hollowed ground. Thank you.
I thought she just had to get high first. I had to repair some of the some of the damage that I caused from mentioning sex in the city earlier.
Yeah, that you did fuck it up.
So I was just like I was just like, yeah, that's a little bit fucked up interrupting your teachers being like, you know, like, especially since she's pretty cool or whatever.
And then that whole class went versus New Kid immediately.
They're like, oh, fuck you, bitch.
I started laughing at him. I thought that was great.
And then she says, actually, Halloween is based on Halloween.
And I said, she's wrong. Sort of.
The history, the history of Halloween origins date back to dates back to the ancient Celtic festival. So in which is spelled S.A.M.
H.A.I.N. It's pronounced sound, which is amazing because there's an M in there.
And it's about 2000 years ago, October 31st, marked the end of the summer in the harvest.
And it was sort of wintertime and start of wintertime.
And it's associated with death because wintertime was like for death. So that's why they like where they thought that that time was the closest between death and life.
So they would like bonfires. They would burn animals, sacrifices and corpses.
So the ninth century comes around.
Christianity comes in and starts intermingling with the Celts and the traditions.
You have the Catholic Church. They start all Saints Day or all Souls Day.
They moved from July to November 1st and they start seeing that people are celebrating all Saints Eve or all Holosmas, is what it's called.
And that turned into all Holos Eve. And then that's despite the church's best efforts, it became sort of a.
So it is a all Saints Day Eve or all Souls Day Eve or all Holos.
But she's a little she's she's just she's basically she could have been a little more accurate.
She's in school. You have a complete answer, not just the one word just to shut you up.
Talking point straw man kind of situation. If you're going to have an argument, have an argument.
Debate someone. He says that's not real. She's like, Julie.
And I was just like a little bit of a little bit of a dick move.
Did you know that one quarter of all the candy sold annually in the U.S. is for Halloween?
I did not know that's a fun little fact. Twenty five percent. Thank you.
This teacher is nice, but she has no control over her class.
Could kids just be giving each other numbers, trying to fuck? Yeah.
I put the fucking balls on this kid, the fucking balls.
He gets it humiliated the entire class is like, you fucking bitch.
And he walks up. Yeah. You want something to say about it?
Here's my fucking number, bitch. And she's like, she liked it.
She liked it. She really liked to think about it.
She not only like did he walk up to her after school?
Yeah, he found her. But whatever.
She talked to him and she gave him his number back, which I thought a pretty pretty good move on her part.
Pretty clever. And then he just starts going mountain biking, just fucking hitting sweet jumps.
Yeah. Oh, I was going to ask.
I was going to ask Ashley, our guest, if that would have worked on her, if the if he if he would have rizzed her up in high school girls like bad boy.
Maybe. So the moment they step outside, my 90 Salem hard on arrives.
I'm so into this orange relieves, no cell phones, fucking straight autumn core.
Like I am just into it, like every fucking curve, every every road.
You know what? I love it. I wish you would have mountain bike mountain bike for like another five minutes.
I like slipstream, but just keep going. Let me get that.
Let me get that that scenery. And so he OK.
Oh, and then he runs into he runs into her.
She's wearing like a really pretty coat. She like looks like she looks great.
You know, like I like the fashion choices. So this like 90s like like cool.
Like he still looks like he's from California, but everyone else looks like they live there and they look great.
And then she gives him back her his number, which is cool.
Uh, then he meets maybe the best characters of the movie.
Jay and ice. Oh, I oh, Ray. I called him maybe the best characters of the movie.
I called them Ray and quiet Rob.
It's quite the bullies. Yeah. Who's quiet Rob?
No, I mean, in real life, raise the one that looks like Jay or Jay.
Jay is named Jay to Jay and Silent Bob. Oh, Ray. Quiet Rob. Thank you.
Jesus Christ. So many things flying over your head.
I just I'm just making Brandon laugh over there.
What's in there? We're behind your shoulder like we're at dinner and I'm just like, you know, you're the one I want.
You took at the beginning of this and that that you broke up.
It's really got you today. I think it's all of the I think it's all the other stuff we threw at him.
Yeah. Bring it back up. You guys are playing with you guys are playing with autism powers.
You don't understand the boys were the worst characters in the movie.
Bring up a Sigourney Weaver's Bush again, please.
They were just caricatures of bullies. They were not.
I fucking love them. Jay and Ice are a two man improv team.
I refuse to call them Ice. With no audience.
Jay and Ice are the best two man improv team in town and they just don't know how to channel that creative energy into anything other than bullying.
But I swear to God, you put those two on a fucking stage next to each other.
Do you remember when they were in when they were robbing people of their candy?
It's like, whoa. And he's like, literally without even questioning, he's like pulling up the gate to like let the guy go through.
That's a yes. And on a commitment level, I've never like it's so good. Jay and Ice, the little back and forth.
That was I think they did that as a bit. He's like, I'm Jay. And this is this is Larry or whatever.
And this is Ice as he like turns around. Funny as fuck.
The funniest part of that was when the camera is like cutting through the back and forth and then it just cuts to the back of his head and has Ice shaved into the back of his head.
Are they supposed to be are they supposed to look threatening is what I wrote, but I don't I don't think they are.
Larry Ice is not his name. I think his name is whatever it is. But Ice, the guy that plays Ice plays a character named Larry in.
Can anyone guess what I'm about to fucking say? Larry the lobster. No, no, no.
Just take a take a guess as to what I'm about to say. You start there is Buffy the vampire.
He also Doug Jones, who plays Billy, the Billy guy, he plays one of the most iconic Buffy characters of all time in an episode called Hush, where he plays a silent killer like a silent monster that like all like body language and like floating around.
It's really creepy. Like that's he's also Abe Sapien in Hellboy.
Like he plays the water guy in the wrong Pearlman Hellboy since you brought him up earlier. He's also the amphibian creature in the shape of water that you're not in this timeline, Andy.
I'll have one again. We didn't bring up Hellboy in this timeline. Oh, fuck. Now you're a variant.
Now you're doing it. But anyway, his name is Doug Jones.
He recently was a guest on the Buffy the rewatcher podcast and I loved it. Oh, God damn. I'm so broken. Axel Rose and a 40 year old Michael Malley looking motherfucker.
What happens when you make us watch three movies in one week? Yeah, I had we're down to two now.
It's just we watch the movie and then we watch the movie. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. He has a really cool room laid out.
His sister is super creepy. She was watching him like this, like, oh, Allison, like that.
She was like watching for a little bit. I'm creepy. But at the same time, she was just so funny.
But he's so dramatic when he gets mad at her and he like walks up the stairs and just sits there and she kind of looks away.
I was like, that's the most poutiest thing I've ever seen. Jay. Yep. I put Jay and I are the best two man improv team I've ever seen.
I like the rich party, the rich. So we get they go. Max has to take his little sister, Danny, out trick or treating.
Did you just skip the creepy Allison fantasy? What Allison fantasy? When he gets home after the bullies.
And he's on his bed. It was just young Andy again where he's like, oh, sir, Jessica Parker. That's exactly what you were doing.
This is the 20 millionth hard on for you. Those little those little six year old bloop. I guess.
Is what I thought. So I do when he takes her trick or treating, they go to Allison's rich house.
And after getting robbed or did they get robbed later? Oh, yeah, they get robbed. They get robbed.
That's why I said they're great improv team improvisers. And they get to the rich house and it looks elegant.
It looks fun. Like if I was a rich person and I was friends with them, I think I'd be I'd have fun going to the old school rich aristocrat pilgrim party.
Like that sounds like a good time. You know, that's another thing that ruins the holidays for me nowadays.
It's not the commercialism part, but it's like people don't really participate anymore.
It's always like, let's go to that one house that has Christmas lights or Halloween lights.
Like you used to be like, let's go to the rich neighborhoods on Halloween. They give out like full candy bars. They don't even do that.
They don't even decorate their house. They're too big to decorate. They don't do lights or anything.
But you just go. Let's find the one poor guy who like sacrifices kids college fund to make make Christmas or Halloween this year.
Way to kill the holiday. You know, there's a theory that that Allison is the fourth Sanderson sister.
Who's out? The girl from the movie. The main girl. The one that he has a creepy fantasy about.
Oh, yeah. OK. Why would she be the fourth? There's just there's a theory online.
I didn't I didn't look too deep into it, but I saw it a few too many times.
I didn't care to look into it. I thought maybe I don't know behind the scenes. Mike over here doesn't make any sense.
Well, OK, now that we've seen in the second movie that I guess all witches are kind of connected in some way.
But does she do? I have to look at the theory. I'm not willing to explore that tumor right back for you.
And I don't want to just make any outlandish claims without any concrete evidence to back it up.
That's I'm not that kind of guy. I'm not just going to willy nilly say some bullshit.
Took very little convincing to get Allison to ditch her party and run off with a stranger and break into a museum and steal her mother's key and steal from that museum.
Oh, by the way, I put if Max doesn't put that lighter back, he stole it and he's no longer a hero in my eyes.
I don't like thieves as much as I don't like rapists or murderers.
That's the scene you should ask. Actually, if that would have risen up or he's like, come on, make a believer out of me.
Oh, that one was clever. That was way less cringy than the notes turned on by that one.
That's a smart one that affects when the house comes to life after he lights the candle.
Pretty fucking great. Just the rumbling and stuff. It looks like for you.
It's definitely like classic Disney. Yeah.
Which I miss is you don't really get that in the second one very much. The class. Well, a little bit.
Also, he agreed to wear tights and dresses Peter Pan while she dresses as Wendy.
He did. His little sister, he's like, I don't want to go to that creepy house.
And he's like, do whatever you want. She's like, all right, you're going to you're going to we're going to I'm going to be Wendy and you're going to be Peter Pan next year with the tights.
It's no deal. He's like, fuck. All right. Little bitch. What he has to do is show her incessantly for the next year.
Movies with really cool, like older brother, younger sister dynamics so that she picks one of those like a like a or like a Star Wars.
Like, hey, you see how Han Solo or like like, you know what I mean? Or where's my happy where you want to go with that?
Yeah. Yeah. Pietro and the Scarlet Witch. Right. That's better.
That'd be cool. But then she still might make you wear tights, depending on which Pietro.
Yeah, could be the weird version of the wand of it.
Okay. So so they get to the first five hour podcast. They get to the museum.
They steal the they they light it on fire. They find out that he's a virgin.
Surprise, surprise. Thor Birch is amazing in this. Her acting is great when she pretends to be the one that brings the Sanderson sisters back.
She's like, that's exactly what I wanted. But what I like is that she doesn't really pull it off like it immediately falls to pieces because she's a little girl and like she gets scared.
What I like is that they bring that back with a slightly older girl now, a high school girl in the sequel, and they pull it off.
The two girls, they do convince them, which I like. I feel like it's easy to trick the Sanderson.
The CVS scene in two. Oh, yeah. That's yeah. I kind of fell off interest in after that part.
Well, the Roomba stuff was silly, too. In the museum in the in the first one, when he's like going to light the fire thing, as he's like lighting it, they're like, he makes fire with his hands.
It doesn't make me crack up. Yeah. Oh, they're the once we get the Sanderson sisters in this is I mean, they are let's just let's just they're amazing.
All three of them. I'd say both movies is like both movies. Yeah. I wrote the second movie.
The fact that they are just as good as in the first while they tone down, they turn Sarah Jessica Parker into a titty hiding bitch.
And they made her less they made her less muddy. She was also much older. Right. Yeah. It's also Sarah.
It's a fucking her face got longer with age. Yeah. Well, you are you aware speaking of her face got longer with age.
The most amazing to me, I've my whole life I've heard this horse face thing. Yeah.
Jessica Parker and I never knew where it came from until yesterday when I watched this movie.
Very well, that is a meme from this movie. And I had no idea my whole life. I've heard that said I'm like, why? She's she's pretty.
She doesn't look like a whore. Why are they saying that? She got a she got a big mouth and pretty teeth.
So everyone jealous kind of hated the whole last minute of you guys objectifying.
I think she's beautiful. Yeah. And I think that's what I'm saying. I never knew where it came from.
I was like, why do they call her horse face? This is because Penny Marshall called her horse face. Yeah.
That's where that comes from. Yeah. Comes from this movie. No, I think it's just a mean thing.
People know it came from this movie. She can still get it now if she wants. Yeah.
You got to wear that corset, though. Matthew Broderick, if you're a cuck and you're a you want to Austin Bull.
Well, I know the bull. You know, the bull cuck relationship. You know what it means. You know what the bull is.
Are you back to porn? Yeah. Pull up. I just wasn't I was trying to figure out why you were coming up with that.
It was just it was just a surprise because it's out of character for a PG movie.
All right. Let's let's go to let's kill the bonus right now.
That cat inflating after it gets hit by the bus. Fucking gross.
The sound effects, the look of it, it's just inflating. Oh, God, I hate it when that happens.
Yeah, that was pretty gross. I did. Thackeray only comes to the Sanderson sisters house on Halloween.
Says I only I come every Halloween to make sure that no virgin lights the candle. Right.
He's had 300 years to plan. His big thing is jump on him once. And that's it.
He's still a cat. Sure. But I mean, have you ever seen it?
I've seen videos of a cat losing their fucking shit on somebody in a house and there's enough to get them to leave.
If that cat was ferocious enough, you know what factory should have done?
I know this would be weird for him because it's a teen ghost trapped in a cat body.
A female cat and he should have had a bunch of kittens.
Hopefully some transference of human intelligence will go into some of those kittens and train them.
They're immortal to help him in his.
Also, they also have to be immortal.
They go against everything you believe in is intelligent animals.
Is this a horror movie for you? It kind of is. Oh, God.
Here's the thing. It's a tricky. It's a tricky world we live in.
I don't want animals to evolve into intelligence.
But if you put the ghost of a trapped teen boy inside of an animal, that's a different place.
Your fear gets more and more specific every time.
I like how he says it's a tricky world. We live in it.
Only you live there, Andy. None of us live in that world.
Well, I know, as Brennan keeps pointing out, we're not here. No one's really here.
So, yeah, so I said, if he only comes on Halloween, what's he doing for the rest of the year?
He's not just fucking sitting around the woods.
I know he's immortal. Is he going around like eating mice?
Is that a thing he had to adjust to? He was like eating raw, dead animals?
This is where I come down to eat mice. This is what he said.
But what I would assume is just, hey, stupid cat person, go find a house, which it's just like,
go find a sorority house at a college and be their cat.
And I'll tell you what, buddy, it's going to be the best 364 days of the year.
And then you disappear and you freak them all out for one night.
You go protect the Sanderson house. You come back the next day.
They lose their fucking minds that you're back. And then every, I don't know, five, six years
before they figure out you're not getting any older, you disappear and you switch to another sorority.
That was another thing I thought, why doesn't he go join with the family and then just live with them?
That family dies. He goes with the kids. They grow old. They just never...
Why does this fucking cat die? Is it a different cat?
It's like the Williams and Bionic, what's that called? The Bicentennial Man.
That whole thing where he outlives the family.
But yeah, if you just switch and you pick sorority house, obviously, because you're a teen boy
and you're like, why wouldn't you want to just have hot chicks pet you all the time and put you in their room?
Like, yeah, go for it, bro. Instead, this is where I go to eat rats in the graveyard
and I have penance for having my sister get killed. Sorority theory is kind of falling apart though.
Why? Because unless you're a cuck cat.
You want... Cuck cat? Listen, I don't...
As much as you would think that I want to get into the mechanics of how this would work, I don't.
So I'm just going to be real basic about it. You watch the hot chicks with your human mind, you go out and you fucking...
I just don't know how else to describe it. That's how you survive a stack of these.
We do all these kids movies and they turn into fucking a cat.
We need a disclaimer at the beginning of these episodes.
Every episode on RSS is explicit, explicit.
Jack Frost, explicit, explicit.
Fried Rice Podcast reviews PG Hocus Pocus.
This is how Thackeray is going to get his nuts on. Not on the phone.
Being a cat would be cool.
Oh yeah, I like when SJP...
That's when I wrote Sarah Jessica Parker. When she goes, hello Billy.
When Billy comes up, when they resurrect him.
It's funny because the way they make you think in the first movie is that him and Winnie had a relationship.
And that he cheated on her with Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can't blame him.
Not at all. Well, hold on. I said that a little half-assically.
If you're in a relationship with someone, you've made a commitment. It's better to get out of it.
That's where he draws the line. Unless it's Sarah Jessica Parker.
No. In a corset.
No. I don't care what it is.
There's always the option to make a phone call and just say, hey...
I'm going to fuck Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I'm having an intense...
No, he's a cat person. He should be after his mom.
No, listen. If you're out there in the wild and a hottie comes up to you and they want to fuck...
Wait, say that again.
He said he's a cat person. He should be fucking his mom.
What's that?
It was your movie.
The Stephen King one?
I thought that was you.
What movie?
I thought you watched that one.
I watched it with all of you because we had to.
What the fuck are we talking about? Cat people movie.
I thought that was your pic. That was when we all picked it up.
Different timeline.
We've all done it. We've got all the infinity timelines.
There's going to be a time traveling Andy that's going to just be in the corner here
that's just taking moments away from this out of the editing room
just trying to save it like Captain America trying to make sure that no one gets it ruined.
He's going to be sitting over there.
This episode's going to be 20 minutes long with all this.
Wait, wait.
Okay, so...
Go back before you said...
Oh, no.
I pushed it.
Rate these movies, Brandon.
First one.
What's your rating?
First one, I give a B-, and two, probably a D.
Man, they seem pretty accurate.
And what would you rate Sarah Jessica Perker?
In one...
To ten.
In one, I'd say a seven.
In two, a five.
So this is you.
So it's a B-, and a D.
Well, Q had some funny parts in it that I enjoyed.
But some of the stuff...
There was the first scene when they're flying.
It was the bad CGI that had to have been the choice.
There's no way they were like, yeah, this looks great, and then sent it without it being...
No, they'll like it. It's funny.
It's supposed to feel...
It got Disney-fied, though.
It was a little more Disney.
I heard witches do-do-do-do-do.
And then she's like, oh, it's probably the patriarch.
I'm like, shut the fuck up!
Goddamn, why are you putting this in my Hocus Pocus movie?
Did you like the opening?
Did you like the random musical stuff?
It was silly.
The stage thing was pretty cool.
I liked their backstory from the very beginning.
I liked that.
That was great.
The kids' backstory was great.
I liked them meeting that other witch.
And then I liked her passing it along.
The other witch was hot.
Yeah, although Dermals in 1653, a little bit much.
What's that?
Dermals in her face, like piercings.
Who's that rapper?
He's got the Infinity Stone in his head?
Yeah.
She's got little mini-Uzi Verts.
Yeah.
Any other highlights to say now for you?
Drop your notes on us real quick.
We're glad to board with it.
I didn't take too many notes.
One, I've seen a lot.
I love one. It's classic.
One of the notes I took with Bitch Slap by a Cat.
After he lit the candle, the cat bitch slapped him.
Yeah, the witches are back.
The Walgreens scene was hilarious.
Just teaching them about all the magic in that.
Like, oh, the door's open.
Oh, the lights. What's the lighting?
The bad CGI for the flying scene had to have been a choice.
The still emotionless band in the lookalike contest.
When they were getting the crowd going to look for the mayor.
What was the band doing?
They were just kind of standing there.
Oh, just...
Playing emotionless.
And then poor mayor just wants a candy apple.
I know. That's what it's sad.
That's what it's sad to be stories of all time.
Because he doesn't get it.
His house gets destroyed from some party.
And he doesn't get a caramel apple.
What was she thinking?
He gets the poison apple instead.
And he's like, I'll get this, I guess.
I'm going to go enjoy.
That's like a dad moment for sure.
Did he get an actual poison apple?
No, remember the girls walking around saying,
poison apples.
That would have been a better twist.
When he was walking by, she actually poisoned a couple for her.
I'll help you out.
And then he got one of those.
And the poison did something post credit work afterwards.
I like when the Alexa, when they go into the house,
and the Alexa is like, I'm sorry, I couldn't understand you.
There's a woman trapped in that little box.
That's funny.
I didn't like the fourth wall break where they're flying by
and someone's watching the first movie.
I wrote that down too.
I hate when movies do that.
Don't do that.
Don't have a sequel that takes place in the same continuous universe
and have a version of what, like a movie.
Because then it changes everything.
Because now we exist.
This Pocus Pocus 2 is,
God damn, I don't even know how it exists in the real world.
It's not a continuation of the first movie.
The first movie is like Django Unchained,
a movie that is such an accurate Sanderson's Sister movie.
That it's in the movie.
That they watch it.
Don't they mention events of the first movie?
You know what? That explains everything.
The reason they're older is because this is the first time they've been resurrected.
They talk about it though.
Talk about what happened in 93.
The big plot point is the magic shop guy saw them the night they came to life.
And that's where he got the book.
So did a lot of people in theaters.
Well, he saw them in real life and that's how he got the book.
Or he's an impressionable child.
He watched the movie.
He's delusional.
He got that Matrix complex some people got
and thought the Sanderson Sisters were real.
Built an entire complex, an identity behind it,
started a magic shop.
So he's messing with magic.
And he brings the actual Sanderson Sisters
who look a lot like Bette Midler, Sarah Jackson Parker,
but not exactly, but a lot like.
Because maybe it's an AI creation and they're not really there at all.
It's the Matrix.
Well, I don't think the AI was involved in this.
I don't know.
That's a little bit of a...
I mean, actually, if we're going...
Nobody could put that bitch in the foreground with the blue hair
and the fucking...
I'm like, geez, aw, no!
I saw that and I'm like, no, why?
What for?
When they're setting up in that school, in that classroom,
and there's just a chick which is like...
She would be at a protest for me if it was to burn me to death.
I'm like, oh, no, no.
And then the patriarch are there.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Come on.
Everything else was all right.
Okay, anything other?
The Roombas, of course, the end.
The Roomba thing was a nice touch.
Taking away the salt.
And then obviously the witch thing you kind of see coming,
her having witch powers.
Yeah, I think that's all right.
I think two is just more kitty.
Yeah, two is definitely.
Well, I don't know if you recommended it last week
or are going to recommend it this week, but Funko Fusion.
Yeah, I was going to talk about it a little bit this week.
Okay.
Andy recommended it to me, so I got it.
Also, passwords to log into your own personal account
on your own console if you have children is a good idea.
I recommend that.
That's a tragic story of all time, dude.
I started Funko Fusion.
I got a good chunk of the beginning stuff done.
And then my kids decided to log in on my profile
and then start two new games.
No, they started new games.
Started over from the beginning, so I was like, both suck.
Fuck.
I was like, I'm going to get a new phone.
That was Astro Bot.
Astro Bot, he was helping me.
If you are a fan of Funko Fusion, they just released
an update or they're releasing an update
that allows you to now, on your first playthrough,
on your first playthrough, you can play as any character.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I was already able to do that.
I wasn't.
I might have been an update.
You looked really sad when you said that, Andy.
I was going to get on my second playthrough.
Oh, you hold what?
I don't have a Y. I have a triangle.
I tried it. It didn't work.
But, yeah.
Anyway, you drive safe. Have a great day at work.
Have a good one, guys.
Did you turn it off?
Okay, thank you.
All right, see you.
All right, back to number one.
Back to number one in our five-hour special episode.
Yeah.
Have we talked about how he fucks as a cat?
Yeah, I think so.
The Devil Scene, one of the best.
I don't know who that guy is, but it's just a really...
It's Gary Marshall.
Oh, okay. Just a funny...
Because it's Penny Marshall.
It's his brother and sister that play it, and it's Penny Marshall.
That's a brother-sister combo?
They're a brother-sister playing husband and wife.
That's funny, though. They did it like a fun...
Well, because it's Gary and Penny Marshall, too.
Didn't we also get that with Jake and Maggie?
You know who they are, right?
You know who Gary Marshall is and who Penny Marshall is?
I've seen them. What's the big deal about it?
That's his little brother-sister. They've both been in showbiz.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I've seen Penny Marshall probably more than...
Because wasn't she one of the big...
Or Marshall's big producer.
Wasn't she in a show?
That's Laverne.
Yeah, I was going to say Laverne and Shirley.
Okay, then that's what it is. All right.
Because I didn't know if it was Three's Company or Laverne and Shirley, but she wasn't...
He had complete control over Sarah Jessica Parker.
He could have done anything to that woman.
She walks out like...
He's the devil!
His wife there.
You know what I mean? I know he's a little tipsy and he's got these women coming...
First off, why wouldn't he like the bitch?
It supports my theory of what I said earlier about Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're not even going to say anything.
What theory?
You're like, oh, you've got to make a phone call.
Say, hey, I'm going to fuck Sarah Jessica Parker.
We're done.
And I said, that's bullshit.
And then also so did Gary Marshall.
I'm not saying...
I'm not saying that it's not going to happen.
I'm just saying that if you're the committee leader,
you're going to be in a bad relationship.
Don't be that fucking person.
That cheats just because you found a hottie in the wild.
You could go masturbate somewhere later on.
Who hurt you?
Everyone.
So impersonating a police officer guy
is a fucking dick and that's a crime
because he didn't tell them I'm not a police officer.
I think you have to if you're in a police officer uniform
and someone comes up to you like,
hey, put officer...
Whoa! No, I'm in costume. My name's Brad.
What's up, dog? How can I help you?
I'm like, children? Like, what's up?
I got your back. Instead of like...
Uh-huh. Yep.
And then his wife comes out, thought I was fucking stupid kids.
Thought I was a cop. And she'd be like, what do you mean?
Do they need help? She just laughs it off and dries off.
Those are... I hope they got a wreck.
The three girls
steal and fly away on brooms.
If anyone is secretly a witch,
it's those three children that steal the Sanderson sisters' brooms.
Because I don't think...
They took regular
everyday brooms later
and imbued them with their magic.
Cast a spell, yeah.
I don't know if they cast a spell to make their brooms magic
or if they just use a flying spell
and use the broom as some sort of way to guide.
So...
Most universes, once you make a broom magic,
it stays there.
I don't know the answer either.
They didn't explain it that far.
But I do think that those three girls
died, most likely, because either
they...
I got up my body count.
I got up the body count. I only had it at nine.
It's twelve now.
Well, here's the thing. How many have we lost so far?
So far up to this point in the movie?
We lost the girl.
Bacary's still alive.
So we lost the girl.
The girl and the three witches got hanged.
But then they come back, so I'm going to take them back.
Oh, you're taking them back. Well, then it's nine.
It's either six or nine
in real life.
Wait a minute. Yeah, is this the spider one
or is the other one the spider one?
Where does she eat the spider? In this one?
Spider in the pilgrims?
No, sir, just quark or it's a spider.
I just can't remember if it's a warner.
It sounds fucking hot. I'm going to watch this again.
But anyway, I don't have that in my body count.
It depends on how you count.
Well, those three girls that find those brooms,
they just fly off into fucking outer space
and freeze to death.
They either...
Add them to the body count.
The brooms too high, it went too quickly,
it went way too high and down.
I should just put it aside on my article.
Plus the three girls who are somewhere in space
somewhere in space flying in a
trajectory towards Mars
or some shit. But yeah.
Are those little girls witches?
Did they land safely? Where were their parents?
Because their parents either
just watched them fly off
and did nothing and we heard no
promotion to follow up. That's one of those
lazy movie things that I actually don't like.
This is in an earlier time, you know?
They didn't have Superman porn or anything.
So it's a little more innocent world.
A little more innocent world. But it's also...
You can let your kids go outside. It's also lazy.
It's lazy film stuff. I really don't like that.
You can't just have three little
girls jump on brooms and fly off
into fucking outer space and not have
some consequence.
Have a few parents
run across the screen in that direction.
Give us some sort of
cause and effect.
Like, it just means nothing
or it's like those three little girls are fucking
dead. They're flying off space. Or it flew
ten feet and they landed. Like, we don't
know. But like the...
I don't know. That's just lazy. I don't like
that. Just be better
movies. Don't just do shit. Just
do shit.
Uh...
So...
Why is the devil guy just inviting strange
women into his home?
Then we cut to the reason I
want to go to Salem for Halloween, which is
that Halloween party that all the...
Everyone is dressed to the fucking night. They're staying
in character. Everyone's dancing, having a great
time. You have that skeleton band. It's fucking
lit. When
the kids run up, they find their parents and they're like
oh my god, we brought the Sanderson scissors back. And they're
like, okay honey, blah blah blah.
There's a weird exchange between the mother and the daughter
where it doesn't feel like it's her mom.
Because she's like
just chewing gum, kind of looking at her like
she's a... Like she's just a random stranger.
Like, how can I help you hide her or whatever?
Even though it's her mom, like, who are you supposed
to be? Madonna. Like,
wouldn't she know? Wouldn't her mom tell
her who she would have been for Halloween?
Isn't Halloween discussed
a lot in Salem? Like, is this...
And is it while even in anybody's house, when
they're getting ready to go?
You're going to know where you're dressed.
Mom, what are those tick cones?
No, maybe she did hide it. Just
hide the tick cones.
Dude, they stayed there until 5am at the Halloween
party.
They did, just dancing. They didn't even question it.
Those blue shoes are kicking in.
Man, and I thought LA was a party town.
You know they've done Coke.
That couple.
So,
does it not seem like...
Oh yeah, it doesn't seem like it's her mom.
I want Winner Friends' version
of I Put a Spell on You, somewhere.
On a single, on streaming. I want to hear it again.
I like it. It's not like
the voice is great, but it's just the
vibe of it is like, I put a spell on you.
It's just she's great. It's a fun
interpretation of it. A fun song for her to do as a witch.
I thought you were going to answer.
The second movie, the music scene, which was
Can I Get You, that one?
Yeah. There's a really
weird part during
that scene where Sarah
Jessica Parker does like
a weird arm motion, and
her entire chest
completely wrinkles up.
Like, like...
Like, it's like...
Like where you see her age, you're saying you see it in that scene.
Oh, you're just, I kind of...
Because obviously I'm staring at her chest the entire scene.
Obviously. And I caught that one
millisecond where I'm like, ahhh!
Oh man. It's been real hard on
my girl SJP.
If you're listening, Sarah Jessica Parker, I know you're not.
You're not listening to this, but if you did,
for whatever reason, these guys are fucking
monsters, they're mean. You're a beautiful woman
and you deserve the best. We almost had a lady
here to stop us from checking. What's wrong with these guys?
I'm not saying one thing about them.
Mike says, actually, Mike's a pro. Mike's a fan.
So, us versus these
two fucking jerks. Brendan and Austin.
So, okay.
So,
Max runs on stage, and he interrupts
the Skull guy, and he goes
like, I have to make an announcement to the guys.
It's an emergency. And so the Skull guy's like,
alright. I know he's a little upset, but he also
understands the urgency for an emergency.
That's nice. Yeah, that was good.
What the fuck? That was good.
Urgency for emergency. That has to be on a fucking
t-shirt. Poster or something.
In schools, there's an urgency
for emergency. Maybe you don't want to rush people.
But, so he
goes
like, the Sanderson sisters
are back. We lit the candle. Everyone starts laughing. He goes,
there they are. And he points.
And what happens is, the spotlight
guy,
this party's gymnasium
spotlight guy, who's so
on the fucking money, that he's
already clocked the Sanderson
sisters walking in. And he knows
exactly where to shine the spotlight.
This is a scene I hate, though. The guy
getting up on the stage, taking the mic away
from the guy. As stand-up comedians,
you and I both know,
someone comes up, tries to take the mic from you,
you're getting fucking scissor kicked.
And you're fucking dicked. You get Dario
running up after you, and he
body slams you, because if I'm on stage, I got protection.
Only you. He didn't do
anything for Hank when that pirate lady on Halloween.
Oh, yeah. But that was a different
story. She just railed him on stage
in front of everyone. Yeah, we had a drunk pirate chick
really hit on Hank super hard.
On stage. On stage. She
yelled and talked, and then she got up
with her drink and butt-fucked. Wait a minute, was Hank's wife there?
No, Hank's not. Hank's not?
He has a girlfriend. He has a
lady, I believe. Yeah, because I met her.
That's what I said. Was she there?
She's usually there. I just found out about her
for the first time. Yeah, that's even if
she was, that's even worse, because nobody
was helping Hank, not even his lady.
She's just laughing at him
just getting his cheeks clapped by this pirate
lady on stage. Yeah, it was pretty aggressive.
And when you get off, it looks like
the elevated stage with the carpeting,
she spilled her drink all over it.
It looked like a Superman porn set.
It was bad, dude. It was
on the moon.
On the moon. Yeah. And
you just have a Martian manhunter
just wiping
another, no, just another,
no, what it is is there's an astronomer, he's like
God damn it, Mary. There's another crater
on the moon. We
now know why the moon has so many craters.
It's Superman cum shots.
I mean, the sea
of tranquility, my
ass. It's the sea.
And he created? It's a sea full of supercum.
And he created? That's what it is.
It created Moon Knight.
Moon Knight.
It's a real Moon Knight with Superman's
horny. But so then the
spotlight guy at this local gym
not only clocks the Sanderson sisters
and points them out, the
music, I feel like there's
even though the music, oh, they were kind of laughing,
everyone stops
like immediately laughing, turns
and then does a
step back gasp against
what? The most popular
three costumes in Salem.
As we find out
in the later on, there's
it's so popular that they don't even
have Salem costume. They don't
have the Sanderson sister costume contest.
It has to be drag because
they've already seen every variation
of three cis women
playing the Sanderson sisters.
Let's do drag. Let's do the queer
version of it. And
which is OK, like fine. But
the fact is that no
one would be shocked seeing three
three women dressed up
like the Sanderson sisters unless they
were like that costume
is phenomenal. But they did it. They were like
shocked for just a moment. I thought that
this is why I always laugh, though. This movie makes me
laugh about the everybody nowadays
how hard they are on Disney being woke
or whatever. Is this movie
pretty well?
Well, the drag queen stuff was in the second
second. They tone down
they tone down Sarah
Jessica Parker in the second one covered
up. They gave her like a scarf
or something. But is it that
the opposite of what all the
conservative we use the word conservative. I don't
know a better word. People are
saying now about Disney trying to
make kids have sex and whatever.
They're all making gay and have sex. Pushing the gay
agenda and all that stuff. It's like
no, they've always done it. It's just
now being for some
reason. You're saying they've always had a
gay agenda? Saying they've always been the same.
They've always just been woke. That's just
Disney. It's not. Disney's been woke forever.
I think gay people exist and they make
content and they make
they write books and they write screenplays.
They write movies and all sorts of stuff. They just never cared.
Disney was hardcore back
when Disney was still alive.
Like he killed the character's
mom in every episode.
That's like having a panic like
Linkin Park changing a singer or something. You're allowed to
carry on a legacy
without it being a big deal. Not going to be as good
but yeah, okay.
You support her
because she's a Scientologist. That's why
you still support her.
Like all good Scientologists, when fucking
John Travolta decides
to battlefield Earth us into space, I
want to be
the first person to get a giant pair of
those fucking still boots. And you'll be up there with Danny Masterson.
Danny Masterson's
going to hell.
Because of all those women who are sexually
assaulted. I thought it was Xenu.
I can't make it to Xenu.
I just have to be hopeful.
I could be one of John Travolta's indentured servants.
So
what did I put?
Who's going in the Jacuzzi?
Okay, you, Antoni.
Why would a...
So they're
walking through...
So they're in an alleyway and a cook
comes out and he like
I don't know if it's an alleyway or whatever but they're
inside the party or whatever and a cook
sees a thankful
lobsters and he goes, who's going in
the Jacuzzi tonight? And he goes, it's going to
be you, Antonio.
No professional cook would ever name the lobsters
that you're going to cook on a grand
everyday basis. You would be surprised.
I would. I've never named
a pepperoni. You don't understand the sense of
humor of cooks. But those are live lobsters.
They do. It's weird.
Okay. I just thought it was goofy that he
named them. I forgot to put scallions on
a dish. And my
fellow cook said, dude, what did
scallions ever do to you? Did they kill your father
and rape your mother? Like that's the kind of sense
of humor we have. Cooks have
strangeness. This is where I wanted to point out where we got
Billy. Where he's
amazing. The
physical work that Billy does
is so... He doesn't need to say
a word. He's stitched up and it's great.
And he's just like, he's moving around
it's just all fucking, just all over the place.
Jack Sparrow, years before Jack
Sparrow and he did a better version than Jack Sparrow
did with the whole goofy body movement.
I think Doug Jones fucking killed it.
And I put, yeah, he's Abe Sapien in Hellboy.
He's the Shape of Water guy. He's also in Pan's
Labyrinth. He's two characters.
He's the one with the eyes and
he's the good guy. The other crazy
looking creature. Now Max
has not done a lot
of stuff. He was in
I think Never Ending Story
3 or 2.
Probably 3. But
most importantly, what I love
him in. I'm a huge fan of him
from one particular thing. It's
one of my absolute all time
favorite shows from a kid. It's called
Eerie Indiana.
And Eerie Indiana is
X-Files for kids. It was
like a, well
I would say the Zack Files was
more X-Files for kids. Which that
was also like, but those were two kids investigating.
Like this kid, he watched
the intro to the show and he lives on
the street where Elvis
is mowing the lawn or whatever.
And he knows
that Bigfoot lives nearby or whatever.
So it's like all of the
crazy folklore, mythology kind
of stuff like kind of exists in
Eerie Indiana because everything's a little bit eerie.
And it's like, it's great. And he's
great in it. I think he only had one season.
Maybe two. They did a
reboot a few years
later. It's not bad either. If you like
it, the first one. I think you
can find them on YouTube.
If you like this guy, Max
Denison from Hocus Pocus, a little bit
more of that 90's good,
that 90's good good. You'll find
Eerie Indiana. He's great.
She says, I smell
Scrod. And I was like, what the fuck is Scrod?
A Scrod is a small white fish
usually caught or had it that has
been deboned for cooking.
The moment I put that,
I thought, holy
shit. She smelled
that the fish was
deboned. That means that she
can literally smell the absence
of bones inside
a fish. Her power,
which we see throughout these movies,
is the most insane
gift of all of them. Yeah, SJP
can lure them in and
Winnie can fucking zap them and do
all the power magic. But
fucking, what's her name?
Oh my God. What's the third sister's name?
Winifred? Oh, that's the second sister. Mary?
I never, I don't,
what's her, the actress's name, even
I can't call her. But like, you find out her name.
The one with the curled up
lip.
Mary. Mary.
Ne-Gee.
Ne-Gee-O-Kamage.
It's hard to pronounce
her name. But she's, if I'm not mistaken,
she's the main, she's the main
chick from My Big
Fat Greek Wedding. Did you ever watch
that? No. It's actually
kind of a great. Or it's like one of the greatest
comedies of all time. Or her highest
grossing or something. It's, well, it's actually
great. I mean, it's probably both.
Mary. Her name's Mary. Okay, Mary.
So, her name is Kathy Najimi?
Kathy Najimi. She also is Peggy
Hill. Yeah. She's the voice
of Peggy Hill. So she's the voice of Peggy Hill.
She's Mary from Hocus Pocus
and she's also from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Oh no, she's amazing. She also does stuff now.
But she, as far as like
power, like big performances go,
those are three huge ones. Think about that. King of the
Hill, Hocus Pocus, and
the third thing I said
that after that.
Moving on. She can smell both.
That's an amazing gift. I can't smell anything.
Maybe that's why I'm so
I literally put I think it's not that amazing
to any of us. You're like, oh, it's great.
She can smell everything. You wouldn't want
to increase your sense of smell to be able to
Because you also would smell all the bad stuff.
Well, there's, unless
you were able to break it apart into its
essential. So, like, if your smell was so
good that if you were to smell a piece
of shit, you'd be able to break it up into
its individual components pre-shit
and you'd just smell the combination
of what would be digested
cinnamon, digested thyme,
digested. Seems kind of overwhelming.
Yeah.
Um.
How do they, so they're luring the
Sanderson Sisters away. How
did they break into the high school? How did
they get into the principal's office? How did they
get the fucking intercom to work? How did they
get the furnace to work? How did they get down to
the furnace? How did they lure them into the furnace
room? Like, it does a lot of shit
about that high school scene that
they yada yada yada all. Yeah, there's just
a giant fucking flame oven.
Well, pottery.
If you had a pottery class, you'd have to
kill. That made sense. Nah, I went to a
poor school. Oh, we had, we had pottery class.
My pottery teacher is Jessica Alva's
uncle.
Still currently is her uncle.
Was my pottery teacher.
He was awesome.
He could get the word out to
SJP.
I mean, somehow.
And then they call
their little walk as a name.
It's called Hag Tracks.
It's like, let's make Hag Tracks and that's
when they link up and do their little fucking
thing. So it has a name. Like, we can
Hag Track. That's how
maybe we should open this up. It's three of us
Hag Tracking towards the camera.
No, that's stupid.
I know that there are
these are evil witches. Okay, so
after they
get burned alive,
the traumatic toll that that would take
on an eight year old girl and even just two high
school kids is a lot. They just
I know they're evil witches. I know that
they're up to no good. But from the
perspective. Seeing death at that age
regardless, right. But from the perspective
of the three kids,
all they've seen is a magic
cat, a zombie,
and three witches.
They haven't been hurt.
They haven't seen death.
From the perspective of these
three antagonist kids, or protagonist
kids, they haven't
gotten to the point where they should so
easily laugh
off the fact that they melted three
women alive. Like, they put them into a
kiln, hit fucking
fry bitch fry and then walked away.
Went outside. They hit
them. Pretty hardcore. I mean, I guess
that is
also something that Hitler did during
the Holocaust. Austin,
thank you for bringing that up.
But are we supposed
to like, it's like, are we supposed
these kids just seem a little sadistic.
The cat CGI isn't great.
I wrote, I made a point
there's a point. See, that's why I just differ on that.
I thought for the time it looks pretty
not, it's not bad. It was great till he talked.
You know what? Yeah. You know what
wasn't great? Binks sleeping in the same bed
as Danny getting pet while they both
fall asleep in each other's arms. Teen boy.
As a teen
boy. Yeah, and he also
in the bed of an eight year old girl.
Ever since you brought up the cat fucking theory, dude, it's
not, it's, I don't like it anymore.
His other girl, the girlfriend,
his, what's her name?
Jessica.
Annabel. Allison.
When they're
laying in bed together. Yeah.
And he talks about spending the
night, another case of this not
really being a kids movie.
They didn't fuck though.
Yeah, pussy. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean he should have been like, Danny
go to your room. But she
was probably like, I don't want to sleep alone because why would
she? It's like a terrifying Halloween
night. Binks, help me out, dude. You're like
300 years old. Fucking, you know what's up?
Yeah. Come on,
Bacary. You told us about all those years you spent as a sorority.
Maybe. No. You know what?
Actually, fuck it. Max is a great
brother. He didn't want to leave a teen
cat boy alone with his
eight year old sister. He had to like
probably take that cat aside. If they
were going to live together, he would take that cat
aside and shut the door. He's like, oh,
hey there, Max. How can I help you?
He's like, well, Bacary. I tried to pivot.
I tried to pivot to not talk about cat
sex. And you just brought her
right back. Here we go again. I've noticed.
I tried to move the needle and you're like, nope. I've noticed
Bacary that when my mom goes to take
a shit, you often
find a way to go into the bathroom
and you're in there.
What's that about? What the fuck
is that about though? Because every cat does that.
What is that about?
Why do cats want to watch you shit?
Dogs do that too.
Dogs follow you in there because they know you're
shitting and it's like a pack mentality.
So they stand watch while you're shitting. I think it's
from a cat's perspective. They're like, this is so strange.
They shit into water. We shit into sand.
And yet we live in the same
home. We're like alien species
doing completely different things.
I cover my shit like a decent cat
being and they just flush it
to who knows where. That's perfectly good shit.
And then they come in and they shovel my shit
out of the sand. My shit
feeds dogs. Yeah.
My shit is for the people.
So again,
going to murder everything.
So after Winnie leaves
the furnace post-burning,
so remember,
they lured them in with a tape
like a Spanish tape
being like, oh the biblioteca, blah, blah, blah.
Right? Then,
this is important, guys.
The boombox is inside.
It's playing Spanish
welcome biblioteca, right?
This is a crazy way to die.
Then they hit the kiln.
The entire furnace fucking melts.
Including that boombox. We can all agree.
It's going to melt
human corpses
into magic dust. It's enough to melt
a boombox.
A 90s boombox, okay?
Unless it was made by Nokia.
But,
so, my point is,
she leaves
the kiln immediately
after and she starts repeating
the, blah, blah, blah,
as biblioteca.
As if, as if,
the entire time she was burning,
flying up into space and
reassembling her corpse,
she was listening to that being repeated
over and over and over and over again,
to the point where it was driving her to have to repeat it on the way out.
When, it would have repeated
maybe
once or twice before getting
melted. So, I think that's a little bit of silly oversight.
Not as
realistic as I would like it to have been.
She should have
It's otherwise completely
realistic. Anytime you won't buy something,
you just gotta put a picture of Ben Shapiro on the
screen.
Not buying.
I'm not buying any of it.
I really want a 7up, but I don't know why.
I wrote, after seeing
the most product placement in 7up I've ever
seen in a cabinet open of all time.
Let's see if there's anything in here.
It's just one cabinet is all 7ups
and then there's them taking up
like 20% of the screen on the right.
Pretty great.
It's a beautiful night shot.
I like Sarah Jessica Parker's song.
I'm hard, I wrote.
It's 5am.
Don't get
Come Little Children.
No, bad Andy.
Well, no, it's just her singing, I guess.
It could have been other things. If she said Come Little Andy
I wish I was that broomstick.
Come Little Andy.
Here's the thing.
Here's a weird oversight too.
It's 5am.
Most of the town's residents
are still dancing
at a party.
Is it
Lord of the Flies
on the streets? Has every child
been running around? Besides the parents handing
out candy, you can't have
houses that are
participating in the trick or treat ritual
handing out candy to these children
in costume while simultaneously
having the town's population
being kept up in one building
during the dance, like being danced
bewitched to death, or to
5am.
And they get all of those children
home safely, because what? They all just know
exactly where they live, those small children.
And then when they got back home, they what?
Went to bed full costume?
Because at 5am
when they're doing the song
all the kids wake up from
their beds, get out of bed
full costume, and start walking down
the street, every single one of them full costume.
So, did they?
I'm trying to remember timeline wise
did they
were they showing the kids out trick or treating at
the same time as the people dancing, or did they
trick or treat, and then start the party?
They would, it could have been
you're right, it could have been trick or treating, ended.
Kids to bed, party starts.
But at that point, every parent was like, yeah you
could sleep in your costume tonight with all the
face paint on and shit, no parent
would do that. You wouldn't let your kid
fall asleep and clown make
up in her bed.
If you knew it was going to fuck shit up, right?
Like, you wouldn't let your kid
fall asleep with his spiky things in their costume
and yet, it cuts to
5am, all the kids waking up from
sleep, throwing covers off, and
they've got shoes on and shit. Like, that's
such a bad
oversight. Unless they bewitch the kids at the same
time. What's that? Unless they
bewitch the kids at the same time.
Kids
have to go home and go to bed while they go to bed.
Yeah, oh
no, because if they already
were already using their bewitching power to
affect the kids in one spell, why
would it be
hey, parents dance, kids
go home and sleep until we can lure you
to our house later? How about just
parents dance, kids go to their house
and wait for us to eat? So
I'm looking for an explanation for something
that doesn't happen. Yeah, but still.
I thought
yeah, okay, dude, Max
left, oh,
so when Max goes to the
Sanderson house to rescue
I think Jane and
Allison, he leaves
Jay
and Ice to die.
Like, he leaves them in those cages.
Yeah, fuck those bullets. I mean, but that's
they just stole a sneaker
bro, and some candy.
They're not, like, is that death, bro?
Is that, like, do we kill people for that?
Does that leave them to die?
Like, it doesn't make them that much of a hero
since he looks back at them and then says
eh, and then fucks off.
How much were you bullied? I don't know.
Because it could, just remember
from high school or junior high, whatever
you're thinking, but
my bully could have just fucking taken
one little piece of candy from me at a certain
point I'd been fed up enough
that it wouldn't fucking matter. I'd just assume that guy
fucking died right
one piece of candy. Yes.
On my bully, yes. I would
have thought that. Okay, well sure.
Max is so
fucking petty
that he'll let these bullies die
because they stole his sneakers.
But, okay, I mean, I'll give you that. I'll give you that.
That's realistic as fuck. And then I said
yep, plus he definitely did steal that lighter
because he still has it. So he's
I can't vote for him as a fucking
as a fucking hero.
Winifred keeps
referencing that she's been to hell
a few times. Yeah.
If we don't
by Hocus Pocus 3
see hell, then
they've really fucked up.
If the Hocus Pocus 3
doesn't open up with the Sanderson sisters
in hell doing Sanderson
sisters shit down there. Is it hell
the devil's house? No, no, that's
not hell. I get what you're saying, but
that's not him. I'm saying we don't know that.
He's just a guy, and we know that. That's just another CBS thing.
But I'm talking about like, if they
because they're dead at the end of this movie, at the end of 2,
right? They died the right way this time, I guess
you could even say, whatever. Right. But
why wouldn't it cut to like, what it
should be is the
three of them in hell
partying with the devil. Like they like
being down there. That's their happy ending.
And then what happens is they need to
go to earth to stop something
way worse than anything
they could have ever done from happening.
So like the devil's like, oh shit
he's like getting ready for a bunch of souls
or whatever. And the witches are like,
what do you mean? Like
what's about to happen? He's like, this is it.
We got a real dark
like a real bad son of a bitch is going to go
up there and kill everybody.
It's going to be awesome. And I'm ready for a bunch of souls.
And then they
realizing that they have some sort
of long lost relative
that they need to take care of, or even
the main chick from this one.
She wants to
the book calls out to them like
right when it happens, the book opens up
and it calls to Winnie and
them in hell. And then they
come back. And so they come back as good
guys. We get a Terminator 2 situation
with the sisters. So that way
they don't have to be, we're going to get to
you this whole time. Now they can work with the new
Coven and they get the book and
Winnie can get reunited briefly and maybe
attempts her to go back. So you're making a new
sequel. Yeah, no they are. It's
been confirmed. Oh is there one coming? Yeah, 100%.
They confirmed it. They said it's happening.
That Meddler was like 72
when she did this one. How old is she?
Maybe she
stays behind even. Maybe
she sends the other two to do her
more and then we just get funny scenes between her
and the devil the whole time. So it'll come
back to her and the devil. Yeah, as far as the act.
That'd be fun, right? Because that way
you put the load more on the
two sisters that didn't have much to do
in the first two movies. You give them more.
And that
would make it work.
Because you don't even need to
they're not the main focus. You could have the
two girls from this
second movie be the
two main, plus the
magic shop owner. We bring him back.
Well it depends on the time jump again. If they're going to time
jump another 20 years or 30 years.
Because this one came out two years ago. Why
not keep everybody? Keep the timeline today.
Seniors in high school, they think
everything's behind them. The magic shop's more popular
than ever.
They talk about the events that happened
two years ago. Everything's cool.
And then
something happens.
And it gets fucked up.
That'd be cool. The parents get bewitched
again. That has to be the recurring theme.
Somehow the parents get bewitched
and the children are in trouble.
That always has to be the case.
Anyway, that's my pitch for I guess
Hocus Pocus 3, which they're already making.
Oh, and then
why'd you turn into stone? Brendan answered that.
Thank God.
This thing has ghosts, zombies, and witches.
Covers a lot of
basics. We get the ghosts
of that factory. We get zombie Billy.
We get reincarnated
cat souls.
It's literally my writing. So we have a talking black cat,
spells, a zombie,
and three kid eating witches.
It's the perfect kids Halloween.
It is.
It has everything. It is really good.
It covers a lot of the
basics. It covers the basics.
Sprinkle in some adult humor.
No vampires,
but we haven't seen the third one
yet. That could be fun.
That's another route they can take.
Try to get everything into it.
Vampires move into Salem.
Now that the witches are gone and they
like the area, so they start turning people
into vampires. That's why the
Sanderson sisters have to come back.
You can't let any vampires
ruin Salem.
Max Denison comes back.
The Sanderson sisters become the pilgrims
that were killing
the Salem people
killing the witches. Now they're going after the
vampire. They're reversing
roles. They're turning and they turn the
town. But with vampires
though is that they're sneaky.
They can turn someone into a vampire
like we would 100% would get
Buster, the guy that plays Buster, the mayor
as a vampire. Could you imagine
is if we get it with
a req sequel to this one
they just turn
him into a vampire. And of course
in the most tragic way he has to turn into a vampire
because everything has to go wrong.
He's like thirsty.
He's maybe the only
one that gets turned into a vampire.
He's the only one that gets turned into a vampire.
He keeps trying to suck people's
blood but he keeps getting foiled.
At the very end he gets staked or something.
Or some find something.
The witch spell takes it off right when he's about
to finally get it. He goes
and he just bites someone.
Their neck turns to stone.
That'd be great.
I'd like to see
Max Dennison come back as a Van Helsing
character. Yeah that'd be fucking awesome.
He like nose.
After that he studied
extensively magic and
that kind of lore. Like what happened to
Allison after that? Did her
and Max ever work out? Because
no she started a band.
No that's the
little girl. The little one
that died.
I don't know what happened to that one.
I didn't look it up. She sells real estate.
No that's still again. Same girl?
Yeah. She has a band and
she sells real estate. She's allowed to do two things.
But I
do think at the very end
I teared up a little bit. There's like
a bit of a tear in the eye when I saw Thackeray
and Emily read them as souls.
Because it is sad that like
she waited this hundreds of years
and she's like where have you been?
It's been a while. I'm sorry. I was
trying to get to you. She's like well
cool. And then they leave together.
It's like sweet. You know they're going to go visit their pilgrim
parents. But then at the same time
I don't know how time works
in Ghost. It's soul world.
Or in the afterlife. So either
because here's
the weird thing.
If there's some sort of heaven
in afterlife. Let's just say
in the afterlife your soul. Oh they're saying there's a hell.
Okay. In this world there's a hell.
So there has to be a heaven. And in heaven they say
it's paradise. And for most people
that would be some sort of personal
paradise. Now personal
paradise to me
would be some sort of
hybrid of today
the 90's and future
tech. It'd be like I'd be living in the
90's with the comfort of all of today's
stuff with future video games.
That would be like an ideal
kind of situation for me. Right?
But then there's people that
like for instance
there would be people
like if you died as a
what are the
ones that Amish. So if you're Amish
you don't want to know about modern technology.
So your paradise would be just simple
like probably almost exactly
like what you were doing. Like just having a
beautiful wife and living like a perfect Amish life.
That's the damn guy that keeps coming
to try to fuck your wife.
Who? Kevin Costner.
In what movie?
I don't remember the name of the movie.
Kevin Costner the Amish people?
No it wasn't.
Oh well then I don't
fucking know. But here's my point
Austin.
I don't know how you don't know this
movie. No I don't. A famous movie.
No I think it's Harrison Ford. I think it's
called Witness. It is Witness.
So I do know.
And I was better.
No no what I'm saying is
if souls
can it look
it looked like Emily couldn't see what
was happening to her brother. Because she's like
where have you been? Otherwise she would have known.
Has Emily's soul been
trapped at that graveyard as well
for 300 years? Or when
he finally got exorcised
from the cat was he allowed to enter
the proper realm in which
she was waiting to receive him?
And then also following that
when he goes into the after world
and he talks to his pilgrim father
and pilgrim mother and all of his pilgrim friends
from back in that day. He
now has knowledge of the last 300
years locked and loaded unless
they have access to view the
going on as to what's going on on Earth.
You have the magic mirror. Can you watch
like what's happening on Earth in
modern time? Wow that's what religion tells you.
But then if you go to Heaven in the
afterlife, assuming the afterlife
doesn't run in real time because why
would it? You would be
another dimension. So you would
experience everything all
of time all at once. And so
but that wouldn't
be paradise to an Amish person.
So if an Amish person went to
Heaven and was able to view
the progress of mankind get more
digitally like extensive
robots and shit, that would not be paradise
to them. So
they might not have a view
of what's going on. Of what like
the world is. So if he goes back
and he's got all this knowledge, is he going to be bored?
Or maybe you get to choose what yours is.
Your paradise is your paradise. But that's the
thing. He's going back with Emily.
So is
his paradise already
him and his little sister reuniting and
going to visit their family. So is that not
even really her soul?
Is that just some, is that
just to make his paradise
a reality? Is that just to give him
the ending that he needs? Well, I
would say probably realistically
that this movie's not that fucking
deep, Andy.
Yeah, we're two hours in on
this fucking, and
there's still a whole other movie. I gotta leave soon.
Oh yeah. I don't think we can do
Six Feet Under today. Yeah, we'll do it next time.
Alright, B. I give it a B. Solid B.
I actually, it's one of my classic
all time favorites as much as I like to
nitpick. I give it a B
cup as well. A B cup, nice.
I'm a little lower than you guys just because
I'm not a classic to me because I never saw it till now.
Not bad.
If you have to watch a movie with your kids
who are over, I'd say eight or nine.
Not under that, because it's a little
too, I mean there's like even
even my
eleven year old when we were watching it
was a little taken aback by some.
So
like the zombies,
a little scary to a kid a little bit.
There's some that's a little overly scary
and some of it that's a little overly sexual
for the kid.
But
so C, just a solid C.
It's a good one. Would you be a B
on the other rating scale that makes sense?
And Brennan, oh our rating
scale by the way, we go from B to F
and then W is a waste of time.
So B is the highest we can actually go
with it.
So Brennan went
B, I went B, Austin went
B, you went C,
you negate your C, it's a B.
Well it does.
Right? Three B's and a C
wouldn't be a B minus, it would be a B. Well that's not how
math works, but okay.
No, seventy-five percent of it
is B.
It's not a
B minus, cause it would be
let's say eighty, so
eighty percent, eighty percent, eighty percent,
seventy percent.
You do those numbers if I'm not mistaken.
And then it would tell you.
We don't know how math or time works
here. Is that even the right math
there? That is the right math.
Divided by four. So it's, alright, so
it's three ten divided
by four.
Right now
it's eighty plus, eighty plus, eighty plus
six.
Seven.
I gave you the number, it's
three ten.
What's the number you're doing?
Eighty-five.
Yeah, it's three ten.
Three ten. Divided by four.
That'll give you the actual
seventy-seven point five.
No, no, it's eighty-five.
It's eighty-five. Here's what you're not considering.
It's eighty-five and it's seventy-five.
It's eighty-five and seventy-five.
Okay, so.
Seventy-five.
Welcome to the Stoners doing math.
You gotta do the pluses again the way you did.
God.
Eighty-five plus eighty-five.
Oh my God, I keep hitting equals. That's why.
Okay.
Three thirty.
Yeah, divided by. Eighty-two point
five, it's a B. Good Lord. That's a B minus.
That's a B. That is a B
minus. That's not how math works either.
I do B minus eighty or seventy-nine
C plus.
What do you mean? Eighty or seventy-nine?
So there's one point difference in your?
Minuses don't. Minuses are subjective.
Let me explain. I grade papers for my wife.
That is a B minus.
I don't care how you do it.
Actually. Oh, he just Googled it.
It's a C plus. What?
Well, there's an eight-point
grading system that's different. No, I don't.
Old-fashioned ten-point grading.
It's absolutely a B minus.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, it's a B. It's all a B.
Eighty percent would be a B minus.
That's what I'm saying. That's how my
When I was in high school
I always felt like. I'm looking at all the grades.
Okay, whatever. Whatever you want to do.
I'm doing grade papers every day. No, but what I'm saying is
Times change. They do core math now.
Things are way different. Times change.
Oh, you're going to do core math? Oh, we're doing core math.
No, I'm not doing core math. I'm just saying
that we exist in a world where times have changed.
Maybe now an 82
is a B minus for you.
But when I went to high school, it was not.
It was anything above
80 was a B. And if you hit
89, it was a B plus.
If you hit 79, it was a C plus. They just gave you
the pluses. Pluses.
But pluses meant nothing.
A plus doesn't add anything to anything.
It's all about the GPA.
That's what I'm saying. I don't care.
Make it whatever you want to make it.
It's the best movie ever. It's a B.
It's the best movie ever. This got so
contentious. Well, because you
rate movies randomly. It gets annoying.
Mike, if you keep challenging
he's going to turn you into a cat and fuck you.
I mean, have you not? I'm just saying
his Google search confirmed what I
was already thinking. It said a lot of different things, Andy.
It didn't confirm shit. I just wanted this to be
over because I have to leave soon.
Exactly.
Everyone but me.
I might not even have
time to upload the video to the laptop.
I just got to do that.
Alright, let's get into the second one.
It has an awesome Disney logo that changes into
the spooky game. That was cool.
I like that. That was cool.
I hate to be that guy, but why
is there a black chick
mouthing off to Winifred
in old timey, slavy times?
There's like a black villager
chick who kind of like, hey, get out of the way.
As in Salem, not Dallas.
This is still though
1600s or whatever.
Well, it's a woman, but it has nothing to do
with being black. It would be a woman.
There's no slavery.
Was there a range
marriage? There's no slavery in Massachusetts
or did they just get rid of it?
I thought slavery... No, there was no slavery
in the North. I thought slavery was
nationwide in the beginning.
We didn't have slaves then.
In the beginning.
1600s? We had slaves
since the beginning, man. It was in the 200 years.
Before the formation.
They say 400 years.
If we're talking like that.
I've heard 400. I know 200
because that's how old the country is, but
before that, even.
I know we weren't... I'm talking about
Smokers 2 where we talk about slavery again.
I need the teacher from the first movie to explain it.
Or my teacher
from ancient history, ancient
slavery class.
She said, man...
All I'm saying is that
I just thought that it's a little bit
historically. That is one of those, like, if you're
going to be woke just for the woke, you can't just insert
historically inaccurate things.
It's like, if you're
watching... So it should have just been
a Django movie in the beginning?
The one you wanted?
Just Django?
This is one of those few instances where I would
argue, yeah, Salem, Massachusetts
might not have had a lot of black people in it.
Because I would argue that.
I agree with you that if they didn't have slavery,
then there absolutely weren't any black people.
That's what I think is really the truth.
In the 1600s, there weren't
just black people freely walking around
the United States like, oh, I'm a free man
doing stuff.
The fact that she was black would not exist, but there wouldn't be
slavery either.
So aren't the sisters like 20 years apart?
Hey, it looks crazy.
Buster, it's great seeing him as the
Pilgrim guy. I say Buster, have you seen
Arrested Development? No.
The mayor plays a character called Buster on that show.
You've got to watch Arrested Development.
I have a huge backlog and the show's fucking it up.
I know.
I like that they have a historical district in Salem
that's kind of fun and it looks just like the Pilgrim stuff.
These actresses
have not missed a fucking
beat. They're inhabiting these roles
so perfectly, dude.
They're everything about it. I love it.
They're fun, they're quirky.
I like when they meet the witch and there's this
little, I wrote met
in quotation marks, meet, I've never
met or meet something
and she's like met.
Just a little quirky little word
the Pilgrim seeing the
spider and he's like I'm not alright!
I'm thinking like you were just talking
about these sturdy old Pilgrims
and this guy sees a spider and
he's not alright. Yeah, that did change
in the second movie. If I saw that
current mayor in the current time, I'd be like
dude, even your Pilgrim fucking great great
grandfather was a bitch.
You're crying about a candy apple.
They tell Serge and Jessica Parker that they
don't need her to
children anymore because of the
beauty products or whatever because this is
when they come back, I mean we're skipping over a lot
but there's a huge musical number.
We get the main character chicks, they bring them back
because they get tricked by
Ronald or Roland or whoever
the magic shop owner because he saw the Sanderson
sisters when he was a kid and
tricks them into bringing them back.
They come in to do it, they come back
big musical number and then the girls trick her into thinking
well we have youth serums, we're 40.
We're 40 years old. Oh my god, you look amazing.
Yeah, like it's all because of the shit
that's CBS, let's go. And then we
we get
a scene where I'm not
oh, by the way, when she says
oh my god, she goes, so no more
luring kids to their demise?
That's my one job. That's all I have to do.
That was sad. Now why
are the sisters shocked by seeing electric
lights? So stupid.
Oh my god, it's lit from within.
First off
that also supports my theory they were not here
30 years ago. They were not
here in 1993 because it's the first time they've
ever seen electricity. But don't they mention
the events of the first movie? That's what I'm talking about.
But they saw it in a movie. Actually, the more
I think about it, the more I think about it
they don't mention it from their
perspective. I even think at one point
they're like what do you mean 30 years
ago? Like one of the sisters
says something like that. I think
they weren't there.
I think that... And everybody else saw this
popular movie about them.
Yeah, so 1993
the Sanderson sisters had a huge revival
of interest in the town of Salem
due to the smash hit by Disney
Hocus Pocus. Well then why didn't they go
the Freddy
what is the new nightmare route
and just get the actors
like actually, that shit's not real. That was a fucking
movie I did 30 years ago. I smoke
crack now and I live out of my car.
What the fuck? And this chick's like I'm too
busy in a band selling real estate
to fucking help you. They do that.
A little bit. Like I think
actually
oh god, I think this is a
I don't even think this is a... I don't think
the Sanderson sisters have ever come back.
I think that this...
You think even the second one's another movie? It's a sequel
to the first movie so three is going to be the real one?
Simulation theory. Yeah. And the reason I
think that is because of the
post credit sequence where they're recording
a music video and at the
very end Bette Miller goes lunch
and it's because she's absolutely
an actress. How would she know to call lunch
like that? Why would they be in a recording booth?
How did they get the time to do that? We saw their entire
journey from beginning to end. So yeah
it's 100% a sequel to the movie and that's the
promotional material for it. But again
these movies
don't exist in our universe. We're
watching the movies
sort of. So third could be
like we're the universe. The third movie technically could
exist in our universe but the moment they make a
movie then it doesn't. But
wow.
Do you get what I'm saying? I do understand
100% what you're saying and it's scaring the
fuck out of me more than the movie ever could.
So this is yeah
because they shouldn't have been... and then No More Rattails
poor Sarah Jessica Parker
and then I like
she says oh no not
your teeth they're your calling card
to Winifred. Mary said that.
That was really funny. We tried to open
a book with her teeth. No not your teeth.
Your calling card.
The buck teeth.
Now I'm
okay so then we get the girls falling
into the trap
down below. The magic shop
with the trap there. I'm willing
to believe that
the Sanderson sisters
are actresses
playing in a sequel to a movie
and I'm even willing to believe that magic
might even exist right?
But what I'm not willing to believe, what I refuse
to fucking believe is that the moment
they fall... No you're not doing it in the right voice.
What? Kid Andy.
Skeptical Kid Andy. What I refuse to believe
is when
the sisters fall into that hole
they don't check their cell phones immediately.
It takes them a good
entire eavesdrop on a
conversation
before they check their cell phone. And if I
know anything about kids because I am one
I know that cell phones are your
best friend. And the moment
any teenager is falling into
any hole the first thing they do is pull in their cell phone.
That's the first rule.
So...
And then another thing is when they go to
that party... I can talk now. When they go to
the party. When they call their friend
and it goes through.
Although it doesn't kind of all the way go through.
The magic allows the call to happen
but them going to hear it one way.
But here's the thing. Look at the background
of the party. Not only is
nobody on their phone, again
the red flag. This is not a real
this isn't a real universe. This is a movie.
This is how you know. It's not
realistic. It's like no teen was on
their phone and that nerdy kid
the one who kind of
gets made fun of in the beginning and the nerds like
that's classic fucking nerd or whatever.
He's dancing and the
joc is just like enjoying it. They're like having
a great time in the background.
Yeah no bullying. No more bullying you say.
Well he learns what bullying is.
You guys made fun of me. We were
making fun of you. You never called us to hang out.
You never told me that.
That's about as close to
real childhood as they can get without
adding bullying and
you know cuddling a pillow with
the chicks name.
It is kind of interesting how bullying really doesn't
exist in the real world.
Now it's just like bro down
all alive. It's not like when we were kids.
I'm saying in the real world it doesn't exist
like it used to. I'm going to burn
you and you're going to burn me. It's just keep
Rochambeau burning.
So
the
okay
so they do their second song
which is I'm going to get you get you get you get you.
It's a banger. They know what they're doing.
Bette Miller's great.
But I really like that they
the whole everyone's doing
the I guess the what's it called?
The monster man. Nope.
The entire
the entire trow does does
does hagg tracks down the street and I like
that they're following on their broom and the room
bow whatever and they're going too slow.
Why are they going so slow? I don't know. Let's split up
and just go fucking do this shit. I love it.
And the town just I like that they find the mayor.
They do their job but because the witches aren't there
to tell them what to do next they just dissipate
and the mayor's like I love flash mobs.
This is great. It doesn't get as
apple though. So sad.
I hate when oh then it's the movie.
We've already discussed that.
When they said we need to spread out
and Sarah Jessica Parker just starts
spreading out. That was hilarious.
I loved that.
How can Billy's
I know what you're going to say. Yeah, I know.
You're going to say she can spread for me anytime, weren't you?
That was the line that was going to come
out of your mouth. You pervert.
Got to get something to the Austin fans out there.
Like why didn't he say that? Oh, he went
oh, he was going to.
We knew exactly what you were thinking.
Here's a big red flag.
Billy loses his
head and then yells out to his body
listen for my voice.
Where are the ears, Billy?
Where are your body's ears? Did you
take your ears off and put one on the asshole?
And how did you force air through your mouth
if you had no luck? That's true.
I like it when he knocks his head off. He's like
look, hear me out for a second.
Bop! And just pops his head off.
The black
dude who plays
Roderick
Roderick Rodney
I don't know. He's so great. It's also racist.
He's so great in this. He's also
in
what else is he in? He's not the one
from Get Out.
That's
another dude.
They
played similar roles in a movie. I can't remember.
But he's great.
And then
the
Roombas
do not, Roombas I repeat
do not chase dirt.
They wouldn't go in a circle.
They go on pre-directed patterns
across rooms. They bump into things
then they redirect. It's a random pattern actually.
Yeah. So
it wouldn't identify
the salt from a mile
away. It doesn't identify anything.
Go find it and then start going in a
circular pattern around. That was some
Disney bullshit right there.
Right before
the final incantation, the
sisters stop to say, oh yeah
we have to do this incantation seven
times. Mythic and magic.
Right? They have to do it seven
times. After
their sixth incarnation
they stop to go
like, alright
it's the final incantation.
We've got the sisters, right? Wouldn't that
get fucked up? Wouldn't stopping
and saying anything else reset
the amount of incantation? In the Marvel
universe like the Spider-Man
No Way Home. Yeah.
Doctor Strange, he got
fucked up because of that. But it's once again
it's back to the realism stuff in a movie.
And it's like the Roomba you were talking about.
Have you ever had a Roomba?
They're the biggest piece. How did
anything that's that big a piece of shit
become as popular as
that? My mom's on her fourth
fucking Roomba. They don't fucking
work. They cost $1200 now.
They cost like $1000 and do nothing.
They work for two weeks and then
they quit. When they're working
do they vacuum? No.
Well they vacuum the little tiny
piece about this, about what? Three
inches wide of an area they
go through. So if you could get one
to work for about six months it might
vacuum your full. And if you have pets
if you have dogs that shit, fucking forget
about it. It's done like the first day.
My dad had the combo. They're the biggest piece of shit
ever. He had the iRobot and he also
had the magic. He had the scuba.
Them selling them fuckers.
See that again? I said the magic
is them selling them fuckers because they don't work.
Wow, yeah. That sounds like a
Rupa. I've never had a Rupa. No.
I don't know how they sell thousands and thousands
of millions of Roombas. That's
insane.
Super sad sweet little
ending with the
sisters took away what mattered to her
the most. I was like that's actually pretty
sweet. I like that.
And then I like
a movie where everyone is having fun
and you can tell that this is that movie.
They've all said in interviews it was their favorite movie.
Five minutes in my
friend calls me and he's like what are you doing? Are we going to play Ark?
And I'm like I don't know I gotta watch this movie
for the podcast. And he's like what is it?
Hocus Pocus 2? And I'm like
yeah, they're trying
to humanize the villains and
this witch in 1653
has dermal so I don't know how it's going to go
buddy. And then I hung
up and then I saw the girl with blue hair.
And then I saw them talk about
the patriarchy and I was like oh well.
Yeah.
I wish I watched Violent Night last.
I'll tell you this though.
It's not
I guess that far off the mark
to mention the patriarchy when you're talking
about witches from the
witch burning era of Salem.
That was entirely a patriarchy. I think
the pastor made perfect like
oh I always thought you know da da da da da.
Something about witches
I forget what the question was
but it sound it I remember
it sounding like that's why I scoffed
and they're like oh they're just the fucking patriarchy
da da da da.
But I mean
everything after that was fine. It was because of
patriarchal bullshit that the
Salem witch trials happened. Happened at all.
You think if the women had any say back then
they wouldn't be allowing women to be targeted
and fucking burn at the stake and shit.
They wouldn't be listening to their fucking
I think you're missing the point that Andy
wishes we lived. You both kind of
wished we lived in that time.
Not you.
Fuck no do I want to live in that time.
I don't want to live in that time.
Is SJP there?
Okay would you be willing to live in a time
where you have to shit outside?
Fuck yeah like one of God's boys? Hell yeah.
You want to be a God boy. Be a God boy.
You get Sarah Jessica Parker
from 93 Hocus Pocus. A shit outside
and fuck
Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah. Cool.
I don't have to do this fucking podcasting.
Post credit music video.
Hated it.
Why?
Of them singing? Yeah why do you hate them?
Oh because of the
I didn't make the connection that this was a sequel
in universe sequel to the original movie.
I thought this was trying to be an actual
sequel to the original Hocus Pocus.
I didn't know this was a meta.
I was upset not to see the original Three Kids.
I didn't have anything wrong with the new
I get it it's a new movie it's a new set of kids
30 years later whatever cool cool cool.
It could have had something with them.
I mean is it the same guy who played Billy?
It could have been their kids.
It could have been their kids it would have been perfect.
Someone could have died if they didn't want to do the movie.
None of that matters
because
we already know that the actor
Max and Hocus Pocus did not
go on to do anything.
So that would be not canon
to what they're trying to establish
as real life.
Here's the thing Hocus Pocus exists as a movie
in the movie we just watched Hocus Pocus 2.
But you're making all that up Andy.
We don't know that that was their intention.
I only have the facts in front of me.
And the facts in front of me point out
that the movie we watched
Hocus Pocus 2
shouldn't be called Hocus Pocus 2.
It shouldn't be called
Hocus Pocus Reimagining
or Reboot or
something.
But it's a fourth wall breaking meta
experiment from Disney to see
can you take something
nostalgic and then just make a movie
that doesn't even matter.
I'm losing my fucking thread.
Post credit scene there's a candle
that says BF number 2.
What does the BF stand for?
I don't understand that.
It's like it had a very specific
literally the cat. Boyfriend?
Boyfriend?
Is the cat, what does it say?
Well no no no the cobweb the cat
he comes in and he
goes straight up to another candle
which I don't know. Oh Black Flame candle.
Black Flame yeah.
Wait 300 years to extinguish Black Flame.
That's right. Black Flame number 2
is what it says. So it is a hint
to a third one. We'll see what Hocus
Pocus 3 is.
I gave this movie
a C.
Like a solid C because
it's not often
you see a sequel
and then I'll just throw
just for funs I'll stop
looking at it at face value for what
it actually meta experimented is.
And I'll look at it for what a lot of people
perceive it is as a sequel
to the movie Hocus Pocus. Those idiots.
From that perspective
I give it a C because
it's a fun ass fucking movie
if you like the first one you'll like this one.
And then lastly just before I continue
so sorry. Lastly before
I continue.
This is just a small thing.
When this movie came out in 2022
I threw a Hocus Pocus
like a little get together at my house.
And I made me
invite like 5 or 6 people over.
But I had like little snacks and stuff and I got ready
and as I was getting this
I was like trying to get this like punch
like you know Sorbet punch you know
thought that would be fun. And as I'm at
Walmart
and I'm looking for Sorbet
specific kind there's a lady standing
next to me. We're both looking at the
same section for probably
a good couple minutes to the point where we had to
acknowledge that we were next to each other.
And I was like oh
I'm looking for pineapple
Sorbet. It's like so am I. I was like oh
I'm making a punch for a party. So am I.
I'm like
I'm looking for Hocus Pocus too. And she's like
so am I. And so I met
some random lady with the same
recipe. So I
also am a middle aged woman
who enjoys Hocus Pocus.
I felt real lame after that. It kind of
took some of the caramel
from my caramel. Some of the Art I Cool
out of it. Yeah. Yeah but it was still
fun and then at the same
time I realized that I invited over a bunch of people
to drink and watch Hocus Pocus and there's better
Halloween movies that we could have watched as a bunch of
different people. So I'm not going to
get into the details. I'm going to
just say that I'm going to give you
a couple of points of feedback on the
results. Still I give this
resounding C. They did a great job.
I hope there's a third. We will definitely
review it when it comes out.
I gave it a C minus
C for sequel or
you know
three flat chests
as JP. Yeah.
I gave it a
C. Basically it's just not
as good as the third.
So we're looking at a
C minus.
Are we going to do a whole fucking math?
No. A C, a C minus and a D.
It's either a D plus or a C minus.
I don't want to give Hocus Pocus
a C. I feel like a C minus.
Yeah that's pretty accurate.
So. Alright.
Now we do our final segment. I'm so
sorry. It's the longest episode I think so far.
But it's time
for recreational
recommendation.
I'll go first. Funko Fusion.
Funko Fusion. Brendan brought it up earlier.
Super fun game. If you like the Lego
games. This is I think a better version
of those. I thought those were a little pretty
repetitive. Although get yourself
the Skywalker Saga for Lego.
If you really like Star Wars. It's one of the best
Star Wars games out there as far as
fun goes. But
Funko Fusion covers so many
unexpected properties
that you won't. It's like Scott Pilgrim
versus the world. The thing.
We've reviewed that movie and
I know. And I
did a deep dive. It was fun looking at all the
Easter eggs that they put into it.
You have hot
buds is a property that you can run around
in. You can run around in He-Man. Masters of
the Universe. Things that you haven't seen video games
for either ever or in a very
long time.
There's fucking
Nope by Jordan Peele.
Is going to be
one of the is one of the cameo
characters. I haven't unlocked it. Super exciting.
So that is my recommendation.
Austin. I'm just going to recommend
our next Mohawk comedy
show. Okay. It's
going to be in Lake Havasu City
at Romano's also known as the Havasu
Concert Lounge. It's our Laughs Against
Lymphoma show.
One of the owners, a child in their family
has lymphoma. So it's like a fund raising
benefit to help them with all
their costs and stuff. So you
can hear us tell some really
messed up jokes. But it's actually for a good cause.
So actually anyone who has problems
with us being dirty, you can
get fucked because we're actually
using it for good and we're helping a little
sick kid. We're curing cancer
motherfuckers. Give us the date and time. What the fuck are you doing
with complaining about oh it's
so dirty. What are you doing? You're not helping
cure lymphoma. Yeah. Date and time.
Date and time.
You just told them where it's at. Yeah. October
18th at 10pm. What
day of the week?
That is a Friday. At 10pm?
Yeah. October 18th. I will be
one of the comedians. It's a free show.
Donations are accepted. You just donate whatever
the fuck you want. We're curing cancer bitches.
Mike? I'm
going to recommend a book
I'm reading now. You'll be hearing more
about soon because we'll do it at the Wednesday Night
Book Club I'm sure. Stinger
by Robert McCammond.
McCammond. Robert R. McCammond.
Yes. And
so far great book. I'm about
30% in. Can you give us
like what do you read if you see it on the back
of the book? I would say
I'll let Andy do that because Andy's read it before.
He's rereading. I just finished
a couple days ago.
I would say
it is
aliens
in a small Texas
town that's on the
edge of, well it's a
Texas town. It's going away. It's a Texas
town where the mine is, the mine is
dried up, the high school's closing
for good, everyone's moving out.
And right at this kind of like last
last gasp of town
life before it all kind of moves out,
moves on. It becomes sort of a ghost town.
This is modernish day, like 80s.
They get an unexpected
visitor in the form of an alien.
And it gets
it's my, so as much
as I love Stephen King,
Robert R. McCammond is my favorite author.
Because
only because every book I've read
by him has become
one of my favorite books.
So Stinger,
which we're going to get a show out of called
Teacup soon. Teacup, which is the horse's name in the book.
No, Sweet Pea is the horse's name.
And that's why I thought the new show coming
out called Sweet Pea was
the show based on the thing, but it's
Teacup. That threw me the fuck off.
But it's called Teacup. It's coming
out soon. It's phenomenal.
I highly recommend it. And you
guys, and viewers,
listeners can stay tuned.
Well, not stay tuned right now, but
join us on Wednesday.
Watch another episode.
Be excited for all the episodes
we announced that haven't been released yet.
About six of them. We got a bunch of Halloween episodes
coming up. 17 nights of Halloween.
The rest of the month is going to be Halloween
themed kind of movies.
And you can check out
Wednesday Night Book Club. Should be coming out in a couple
weeks. About Stinger. Mike and I are going to be
talking about that one. Also,
very soon. I know we've been talking
about the rehash for a while.
It hasn't manifested, but I promise you
it's not that we haven't been recording, haven't
edited them yet. They will be coming
out. We're so far ahead of schedule
that once it starts we will get a non-ending
stream. They will not end. So,
we're covering Smallville.
Six Feet Under. We're covering
Game of Thrones. And the newest
edition is going to be Wilfred. So,
I'm excited for that one. I am too.
I've watched a few episodes. Wilfred's great.
It seems like a fun... And that's one that I have
not seen. And that Zach has
seen. So, it's going to be Zach.
Each of the
core hosts and
myself, each one of us, why one of us
has seen something and the other one hasn't.
And so, it's a lot of fun.
Especially if you've seen the show, I
highly recommend it. If you've seen
all of Game of Thrones,
listen to us talk about it. It's kind of like
rewatching it in your head with some
additional commentary.
If you haven't seen the show, pick something
like Smallville. Something that maybe you wouldn't
watch because
you can't watch ten seasons of
something. Maybe you just want to listen to someone talk about it
while driving around. It's a lot of fun.
And then Six Feet Under if you're just feeling
depressed.
Because Austin picked the saddest fucking
show on earth. Dude, it's a great show.
I love that show. So, anyway, thanks for
joining us for the, I think,
the longest episode, maybe the longest
episode of Friday Rush Podcast. And it was
of course, I like how our discussion this
week was about shortening these up.
I know it really was. That was our, yeah, but
we have a lot of episodes
to record till the end of this year.
It's all been predetermined. We used to have picks and
now it's just all picked out. So, at the start
of next year,
we'll return to our regular schedule program. Actually,
I'm thinking. No, there's like two weeks. No, no, stop.
Don't think. Don't think anymore. No.
Can we just do one, go back to one movie
a week? Maybe we could all
do a rehash together. Maybe.
If we have one movie and one show we all
watch, that would be so great. I
have to, I haven't read, I've
started a book two weeks ago and I
haven't been able to get any further in it. Actually,
that's a good idea, rehash together.
Yeah, I like that a lot. But
I was just going to say,
that's so funny you're coming up, you're very smart.
That's good survival
instincts in this podcast. Survival instincts is what
we need in this podcast. Instead of calling it rehash,
what's it when you mix all the weed together? Is there a word
for that? Like jungle juice but for weed?
The thing you make, what is that called?
What thing? Put a cometh over
weed and you mix it together, you make a bowl.
I don't call it anything, I just smoke it.
We call it fried rice jungle juice, I don't know
if you ever. But
what I was going to say is, what I think
since you were talking about the start of next year,
which is going to be our season four premiere, which will be in our
new studio, I'm
thinking, and I think this is going to be an official
ruling as of right now, I'm
lifting, because they haven't picked us up
as a sponsorship, but I will
allow them to be a sponsor in the future, but I'm
liking these specials we've been doing
so much, I'm going to lift the Toobie
band. Season four,
we can watch anything. I'm going to see how it goes
for season four and then we might go back
if people don't like it, but
the thing is, there's so many times
where I come across a movie where I was like
I would love for this to be on there and it's not Toobie.
So,
if you guys have been hanging on for the last
three seasons, the last 70, 80 episodes
we've been doing this or whatever,
I mean, this could be exciting, we're going to
cover some pretty cool shit,
so we'll come up with rules
so that way we're not alienating too many
people, we're not going to make it so that's like
peacock bone or whatever, like, you know,
but. And I know we have the phone number for
question of the week, but we haven't done that for the past 30
episodes. Oh yeah.
Maybe we should just have the line
open and make a list of fan submitted
movies that they want us to watch. Yeah.
And then eventually when we have a special
movie, we'll pick one out of it.
Actually, fuck it. I'll tell you what guys,
no one has left us a voice mail.
No one has texted that number.
Be the first one, guaranteed.
Be the first one, I don't care what
movie you pick, guaranteed we'll review it.
How about that?
That'll be incentive. And we won't tell any of our friends
we just had this. What do you mean?
Because if one of our friends knows that we're going to
record, it's the first one,
the first one's going to be Cuties.
It's going to be the first one.
Jesus Christ.
But no, this is the thing.
This is for organic listeners.
This is for someone finding this out in the wild.
You go to our website, PrideRisePodcast.com
You go to scroll down to the bottom,
there's a number you can call.
You call that number, it's just a voice mail
line, it doesn't even ring. I'm not going to call you back.
I don't want to talk to any random fucking people.
But if you leave a voice mail, tell us what
movie. Please don't make it Cuties.
Just for the love of God, don't make it
some fucking weird pedophilia. It's definitely going to be
a cutie movie.
Give us your favorite movie.
That's what it is. That's what I'm going to say.
Give us your favorite movie.
And we'll review it.
Alright everybody, with that,
our second episode in a row,
talking about Cuties, what the fuck is going on with you guys?
It's Austin each time bringing it up.
It's Austin Cuties Farrell.
It's Michael.
You can't kill him as much as you'd like to,
but he's going to always be around.
A virgin with the black
flame candle.
You can't die now.
Have a good night everybody.
And Brennan actually is not here this time.
I'm not here Andy.
You have shit.
I thought he was this whole time.
Oh God, it's becoming more real every
single time. I'm Andy Rice.
This has been Fried Rice Podcast.
We've been fried. We've been
Rice. We've been Podcast.
Have a good night.