LIKE No saturation noise
And welcome everybody to the Fried Rice podcast.
You know how it is.
I'm Andy Rice.
Just fucking like just just dealing with drugs and shit.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
Just follow me.
I'm going to introduce you to some of my friends.
Now over here, now this is Brendan.
Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Shipley up to Boston, right?
And now this guy's fucking crazy.
You want joints?
This is the guy you go to.
Okay.
He's fucking awesome.
He just like he just hit that bong up.
He fucking did a good job.
He just got his joints off each week.
Yeah.
Now over here, we got Michael.
Now he shouldn't be smoking a bong.
He's fucking old, right?
Had a heart attack.
Michael Larson about a year ago.
We don't know when he's going to die, but it's going to be probably pretty soon.
You know what I mean?
We just we're just we're just grateful for every day we have with them, I guess.
Over here.
Now this guy, he's a he's a fucking animal, right?
We got we got Zach.
Zachy improv quality.
Now, now he doesn't say much, especially when I introduce him and shit.
But but when he gets talking, holy shit, is he we used to refer to him as God, but we
had to stop.
You know what I mean?
But look at him.
Look at him.
Leave that fucking light behind.
Now, now this last I'll say this.
No, no.
One person you don't know, no, is is Austin here and he's a.
So it's awesome, fairly dry, about three hours to be here every fucking week.
If you can imagine it.
Fuck you, Mike.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Anyway, thanks for joining us.
Fried Rice podcast.
I'm Andy Rice.
Let's get fucking fried, everybody.
All right, now we can start.
We probably should have done more background noise while you were doing that.
Yeah.
Why was that so quiet the whole time?
I don't know.
You kind of sprung that on us the last second.
It was a good idea already.
That's the most energy I've ever put into an intro.
Even better than it happened in the movie.
OK, Mike, don't start with your controversial opinions this early on.
Oh, I can't.
I'll add some party noises after.
OK, that's good.
That's a good idea.
So.
Oh, and your mic wasn't even on.
Nobody heard what you said.
Yeah.
So.
All right, everybody.
Welcome to SLC Punk episode of or sorry, SLC.
He's a punk.
Wait, what?
Say it to my face.
Talking shit, Mike.
Andy's a punk episode.
Andy's a punk.
I'm not a punk.
If any.
OK, I'm sorry.
Andy's a poser episode.
I might be a poser.
We're all posers.
I feel like if you if you the unless you wear no brand clothing, you you listen to just
like I guess like royalty free music.
And yeah, or static.
And all you watch is PBS or something.
Then you can't then your pose because you're subscribed to some style like we got.
Obviously you look around my apartment.
It's a bunch of dirty shit that I'm a post.
Right.
I'm not even that nerdy.
Like, look, I'm not really like I love.
Trust me, I love nerd shit.
But my 11 year old granddaughter would disagree 100 percent.
But anytime I say your name, my granddaughter is like, that's the nerd guy.
Right.
What the fuck?
That that that sense that you just said should be a part of your stand up.
You tell your granddaughter in she's 11 in seven years.
I'm going to fight I'm going to fight her with fists.
So I'm not going to go to prison.
You tell her I will fight her with this.
I will be in my 40s by then.
She'll have a shot.
But I she better eat those words.
That's still male on women.
I look in eight years.
And she calls me a nerd, too.
Don't worry about it.
I think in eight years women on man on women violence.
Curious what's going through Austin.
Are you a rap poser because you're wearing a biggie small shirt?
See, this is my aunt's game shirt.
And she had no idea whether or not I liked Biggie Smalls.
And I don't.
Not a biggie smalls fan.
Not a not a fan.
I like that.
You're the West Coast.
You're a fan of the West Coast rapper.
What's what song does he do?
I'm sorry, mama.
That's Eminem.
OK.
You're thinking Big Papa.
Yeah, I love it when they call me Big Papa with the boy like.
Yeah, you're a poser.
And I only know that you want to know how you want to know how much of a poser I am.
You want to know how I know that song.
They made three songs and three songs from Biggie.
No, I'll name you one.
It's Big Papa.
And the only reason I know it is from when September when November ends with Keanu Reeves
and where he's coaching a little league, an underprivileged little league.
That's called a hardball.
You've what am I thinking of?
What November?
I have no idea.
But you're not making you're not a nerd case very well hypnotized, juicy and 10 crack
commandments.
There's a movie he's in something November.
So I'm not wrong on that.
But hardball.
Yeah.
Hardball is where I know I love it when they call me Big Papa by Biggie Smalls, which I
am wearing a shirt.
I had to look at my shirt.
Make sure it wasn't Tupac.
I'm now Tupac.
Now Tupac.
I know California.
And then he names a bunch of cities.
And then also, I'm sorry, mama.
No, that's Eminem again.
He does he does a song about his mom.
I'm sorry, mom, for all the skeleton.
I don't know.
Oh, suicide.
Suicide hotline.
I think it's a song called Mother.
There's a one where he.
Yeah.
Anyway, you also are not a talking into the mic aficionado.
You're you got to be better about sharing over here, buddy.
I don't.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's get close to getting contact.
Yeah.
So, you know, he has like a collective of songs, but I don't think there's a song about
his mom.
I mean, I'm no Tupac aficionado.
Yeah.
OK.
Well, I did.
You know me.
I hate to Google.
No letter letter to mom.
Was it there was a hell no.
Yeah.
Letter to his mom.
I think it's Stacey's mom.
Right.
You fuck mom song.
Yeah.
Dear mama, bro.
It's called fucking dear mama.
And that's the one I kept getting mixed up with.
I love it when they call me big pop.
And you guys no longer have to guess our ethnicities.
We had to figure out with Google the name of a Tupac song.
And in this song, Shakur details his childhood poverty and his mother's addiction to crack
cocaine, but argues that his love and deep respect for his mother supersede the bad memories.
Hey, I wrote that.
Didn't his mom date Richard Pryor?
I don't know.
Let's find out.
Did she date?
She was a black panther.
She dated somebody famous.
She was a black panther.
She died in Sausalito, California in 2016.
So she way outlived her son.
She was born Alice Faye Williams, but now she's a Fina Shakur.
I don't know how that happened.
Oh, well, she got married to Shakur, but why'd she change her name to Fina?
I wouldn't do that.
Everyone has Google.
They can do this themselves.
Learn all about it.
You did it yourself.
I'm here.
I'm doing this right now.
I'm going to close this.
Boom.
We're going to move on.
The algorithm is going to put this under like rap video, like rap history.
Now what we're going to move on to is we have a special little treat.
Show the camera.
Bring them up there if you can, Zach.
But Zach brought us a snack.
Oh, yeah, we'll do that.
Stop it, Zach.
What are you doing?
We're not ready for that, obviously.
We're doing what are we smoking?
Because I don't know what I'm doing.
I actually have something new this week.
It's called CBX Jetlag OG.
What do you think of it so far?
Of the one that we smoked earlier?
It's good.
It's fire.
And it was a two for 70 kind of deal at Needles.
Because last night we had a show at Red Dog at Needles, Austin and I.
It was a fun show.
I had a great set.
A lot of people showed up.
We had like at least 40 people.
Yeah, for this, for a Red Dog, it's a pretty good turnout.
It was great.
I had a phenomenal set personally because I kept it tight.
Everything was like just good.
I wasn't meandering.
I had like a tight eight minute window.
So like it was one of my better, stronger sets.
It was one of Austin's stronger sets.
And we normally do good.
So it's like this was like one of our topper.
Like it was some good top quality stuff.
We have the sign language interpreter again.
Yeah, she's always there.
Destiny.
She's great.
She's been an addition to our group.
She's been there probably the last like five, six, seven shows.
I tried to convince all the guys that like if she does, if she wants to go on and do
a set, she should write a set.
And if she needs help, she has eight, nine comedians to like help.
And you're going to do the sign language while she's doing it?
No, she can.
She would be up there by herself.
She needs help.
Actually, I do think Mike's onto something.
I was just thinking what we could do is like have two of us just do what we think.
Try to try to sign.
So we're not signing.
Instead, we're just acting out what she's talking about.
Yeah.
Then that could be fun because then we're not making fun of sign language.
Instead, we're just kind of charading what we what she's talking about, which is a different
thing.
She she has a great like sense of humor and everything.
And she is really funny.
She like freestyles up there.
Like there's one where she's like grabbing like she has a dick in her pants.
Yeah.
She's very fun.
If you give her sexual contact, which there's a lot of at these fucking shows, then yeah,
you get that.
Our buddy, Zach, the improv here did a set last night.
Super proud of him.
It's his third time doing stand up.
And how do you feel about it?
I felt good.
I wish I was more prepared.
I learned about it like the night before.
Yeah.
It was open mic.
So my I didn't have very much prepared.
But I think the stuff I did have prepared it pretty well.
Yeah.
I enjoyed it.
I always enjoyed being up there.
It was fun.
All the open micers.
It was like a good time.
Everyone was it was like the audience was respectful and they were really friendly.
Yeah.
I think it was a good time.
Everyone was it was like the audience was respectful and they were listening because
even some of the open micers that like didn't do as well.
They at least the jokes that they wrote when the punchline was said, the audience was aware
enough to respond with like something, because sometimes you know the audience isn't listening
when you say a banger of a punchline and nothing happens.
You're just like, oh, they're not even paying attention.
They're just talking amongst themselves or whatever.
But that was there wasn't a lot of that last night until the end.
Yeah.
So the last two comics, which unfortunately were two
of our best, Anthony and Hank.
And they both kind of had to deal with a rowdier crowd.
So it was a long show, two hours.
Two hours, because it was open micers plus the regular crew.
So Austin and I and our buddy Anthony decided to,
on a whim last night, Anthony brought up, well,
I don't even know whose idea it was.
It was probably Anthony's.
Let's just call it that.
It wasn't my idea.
That's for sure.
I was just let down to do whatever.
Let's go to Dreamgirls.
And so we went to Dreamgirls last night.
We had no idea what we were walking into.
So it's a strip club in town.
And it has been notorious for just being shut down
constantly for all sorts of shenanigans.
It's just a bad, like it has a bad group or bad reputation.
But it's under new management now.
We showed up last night.
We had no idea any of this when we went.
We just showed up because it's the only strip club
we knew about.
And it was just something to do, something to talk about.
And we get there.
I like how a strip club is like, look, we know it has,
but we're reinvigorating this place
to make it a helpful part of our community.
Well, OK, so we.
They're like, hey, the old owner died.
We're under new management.
We're not doing anything shady anymore.
We're a legitimate business now.
On our way out, on our way out, he
was like the manager met us.
And we were like, hey, we should do a comedy show here.
What do you think?
And he's like, yeah, that'd be awesome.
So that could be something fun in the future, strip club
comedy show.
I would love to be up on that stage.
Yeah, I would wipe down the bar before starting.
And then I would just do my set.
So would we have the strip end lights here, Joe?
If you don't get a laugh, you take an article of clothing on.
I'm down for that.
Yeah, that'd be so much fun.
And I'm going to wear seven layers of.
I'm going to wear so many accessories.
I'm going to take an earring off.
Five socks on each foot.
I'm going to be set.
You could come in there looking like all,
like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka.
The final piece will just be like a cock sock or something,
just to make sure.
Then if I get there, I just walk off.
I'm like, well, I'm out of jokes.
He's like, cock sock takes it off.
He's like, eh.
And then there's another one.
Just how many cock socks does this guy have?
So we're in there.
And this is my first time ever in a strip club ever.
I took him to Dreamgirls.
And.
Yep.
No, but I'll tell you this.
OK, someone needs to take you to Vegas.
Yeah, well, obviously.
I've had the opportunity so many times.
You know, when you walk down Vegas on the strip,
there's always a guy, hey, you guys want titties in your face?
Pussy ball in your face?
And they give you a card.
Who gets you a limo?
They'll go there just trying to get you to spend $1,000.
Yeah, I went to Deja Vu in Vegas.
Go ahead.
Oh, and it's like, he lives in Phoenix.
There's strip clubs there all the time.
There's better strip clubs over there than there is in Vegas.
No, but here's the thing, though.
As we talked to the manager last night,
I'm going to give them a five star and yell.
Because if I do, the next time I go,
he hooks me up with a free drink.
Even though it's not alcoholic, he's
going to give me like a free Red Bull or something.
And titties in my face.
So actually, now this is one thing that was kind of fun.
So the three of us sat down.
We're right there at the front.
We're all three sitting right next to each other.
And every stripper that came out, every single one of them,
despite the fact that we were putting the same amount
of money on the stage, every single one of them
just gave me all the attention.
Austin, Austin, Austin's two seats away.
Look at home, Luis.
They just ignore that he's there.
The first chick, I'm sitting there for two minutes.
The first chick, I'm in there, she walks up to me.
She's naked.
She takes my face.
She just pulls it forward, just motorboats me
with her titties, just smacking me in the face.
And I'm just like, oh, this is a nice way to start the day.
She just spreads open her shit in front of me,
like putting it right in my face and stuff,
because it's fully nude, which we didn't know about.
And so then Austin, I'm like, good,
Austin will get to see some pussy or whatever.
Nope.
Then she just kind of moves around.
And the guy crossed the way.
And then down to the other way.
The next chick comes out, she's not even as attracted.
But she comes out, and she shows me all of her shit,
ignores Austin, the third girl.
She comes up to me.
I'm getting nice little smiles.
I'm getting eye contact.
And afterwards, a couple of the strippers
come up and talk to me.
They like laugh.
We share a little inside joke about Nine Inch Nails
with one of them.
Austin's just silently sitting there with, why can't I see?
You look like an easier mark than Austin.
I was about to say, it's probably more contractual.
They're like, this guy's going to spend more
money than the other guy.
I mean, thanks.
You're in there with a homeless guy going, what?
Look, look.
Also, they probably see you.
And they're like, dude, is that that fucking congressman Ted
Cruz?
What is Ted Cruz doing here?
He's got money.
The blonde chick afterwards, the first chick,
she said, I had to pull your face in to see your face.
I pulled you in because without my glasses, I couldn't see.
And I wanted to see your face more.
And I think it might be because of this Ted Cruz type thing.
But yeah, so that was our night last night.
Then we left.
You could fucking be a PR nightmare for that guy.
You know that, right?
What do you suppose that that is going
to do to your algorithm when you do the five stars on Yelp?
Oh, well, I already see all the time my email.
It's like, you're very popular on Yelp.
200-something people have looked at your review or whatever.
I would love to see that for the world.
I'm going to give them a stellar review.
I'm going to use ChatGPT to help me write a stellar review.
I'm going to make sure they have a in-depth, multi-paragraphed,
five-star times of change.
You're not going to find any underage girls there anymore.
You're not going to like the, like, not anymore.
Not anymore.
They've been busted for that in the past, but not anymore.
Just don't mention that, partner.
Well, look, new management.
That'll probably help them more than, oh, you
won't find underage girls there anymore.
So the guy's like, we're under new management.
Unfortunately, Doug died.
Like, we knew who Doug was.
He like, it's like, we tell him, oh, it's our first time here.
He's like, oh, yeah.
So we're under new management.
I know it's been different.
There's been some shit in the past.
We're leaving, by the way.
We were on our way out.
So it's not like we were debating
on whether or not to go in.
We had just enjoyed our experience,
and we're currently leaving.
We paid our money, and we're leaving.
Right after I had used an ATM, I got charged $10 to use an ATM.
Yeah.
That's what their lap dance is, man.
Expensive.
Yeah, everyone's trying to convince me to get a lap dance.
And I was like, I don't know if I should pull the money out.
I'm pretty sure that fee's going to be pretty horrendous.
And then I finally am like, fuck it.
I'll go pull $40 out, and they're going to help me out.
And then as soon as I pull it out, they're like,
are we leaving?
And then where do we go after that?
McDonald's drive through, and we pull in.
I leave with Anthony in his car, because I'm staying in his place.
Andy leaves in his own car.
We both, without even saying anything, both went to McDonald's.
And we're right behind him in line.
And then what sucks is I was getting food for Dario and I.
So there's two drive throughs.
I go to the one on the right.
But the screen wasn't working.
The screen wasn't working.
So if you confirmed my order, it launched it onto their screen.
So they saw a triple cheeseburger, two fries, nuggets.
And I'm like, oh, fuck.
I didn't even know they were there.
Also, while we were in there, I was drunk.
But I just assumed that there was a long line.
And then we got put in the parking waiting.
And there's all these people parking.
I'm like, wow, a lot of people go to McDonald's after the strip club.
I just assumed they all went with us.
It was hard to remember not to eat fries on the way home with stripper hands.
Because I like, well, you're in a strip club.
Did you just coin that just now?
Stripper hands?
I would imagine that stripper hands.
I thought you said that place has changed.
We used to not be allowed to touch the dancers.
What the hell?
Oh, no, sorry.
I didn't touch any of the dancers.
They touched me.
I got just titties immediately right in my face.
It was great.
First chick that I was not expecting.
I was not.
For just being in a strip club.
I was not expecting models because of our location here.
But no, they were actually all pretty hot.
Yeah, especially the first one.
That was my favorite.
And blonde chick is very cute.
Even the thicker chick was good.
There's a tinier girl at the end.
But now we're just being creepy.
Weird concept.
Weird concept for a strip club.
But hear me out.
I think it would be more intimate if it
was like a chick wearing sweatpants
and an old oversized t-shirt.
Give it a more intimate feel.
Like it's a girlfriend, you know?
Yeah.
A girlfriend experience.
But then would you want to see her dancing
in front of other guys?
No, the lap dance.
That would be a lap dance experience for sure.
Got you.
So actually, you talk about the prostitute.
You just want a girlfriend experience prostitute.
They have those.
They made a movie starring Sasha Grant.
Yeah, just take her to dinner and a movie.
Call it the girlfriend experience.
And then drop her off at home and ask if I can come in.
And she says no.
And then I drive home and jerk off.
Like, that what you mean?
Cost you $600.
Yeah, I spent $200 at Olive Garden.
Yeah.
That was a long way to tell us where you got your weed from.
Yeah, fuck.
Needles.
Thanks.
What'd you bring, Brendan?
I was talking about a fucking tangent.
I also went to Needles, but I did not
make a trip to the strip club.
Good cover.
Brendan, Brendan was definitely not with us.
He was definitely not with us.
Brendan was not.
Mike for sure wasn't with us.
After what Mike said about the movie,
we were like, we're going to go see Titties without Mike
specifically.
Those titties would have gave Mike a heart attack again.
And allegedly, Brendan was not with them.
Brendan definitely was not with us.
Stop saying that.
It's going to sound like you were.
Stop saying what?
He definitely wasn't with us.
He absolutely was not with us.
Right.
He actually had to work late, OK?
Brendan was working late last night.
No, the McDonald's drive-thru took too long.
Seriously.
It's thin ice that we get them at all.
It's for these reasons alone that that's
why I use the Life360 app.
I don't do anything bad.
But I brought moon syrup.
It's that smokey.
It's OK.
What percentage is it?
It's OK.
20, 29 point, no, 25.6.
And then also a Jeter Cannon I brought.
It's called Goober.
You brought another cannon?
I did.
We still have half of that other cannon.
Well, not half.
But when Brendan and I were hanging out earlier this week,
we smoked a little bit over half of it.
So we're, I don't remember.
This one's called Goober.
And it was back to Dreamgirls.
Where I was not.
I was listening to the Bill Burr podcast.
And he was sick, so he played an old one.
And someone wrote him an email saying,
my girlfriend and me want to go to a strip club.
What are the do's and don'ts?
And that just brought me after me and Andy and Anthony,
and definitely not Brendan Winters.
I was wondering, how do YouTube, you three being married,
how do you think that conversation would go
if you asked the lady if she wanted to go with you
to a strip club?
Would it just be a hard no?
Would it be an argument?
My wife wouldn't want to go with me.
But she just told me to go.
She wouldn't care if I went.
Well, Anthony last night said he went with his wife.
Yeah, I've been with my wife before.
We're previous here.
Like a month before.
I was like, I've been with my wife.
I've been with my wife.
But she thinks it's a waste of money, so she won't go.
Yeah, my wife thinks it's fun.
But she gets all of it.
And if a woman goes into a strip club,
she gets all the attention.
Because we went with my buddy, because he went to our breakups.
I was like, oh, let's go.
And I was drinking, and she was the driver.
And she was like, I don't care.
And then, yeah, she got all the attention.
He was like, what the fuck?
And I was like, well, she's the only woman they've probably
seen in months.
So that's what would give away my clone,
because I've never wanted to go to a strip club.
And my wife knows that.
And Brendan's using her.
So if you asked her if you could go,
or if she wanted to go, she'd be like, why?
Is everything OK?
Who are you?
You know, I listened to the podcast.
I know you went last week.
Yeah.
Yeah, so another thing that happened to me this week was.
You know who didn't go was Hank.
Hank's a bitch.
We didn't invite him.
So there's a post that somebody made on our local Bullhead
chat or whatever.
And all it is is just construction of the apartment
complex is making good progress.
And it's some pictures, OK?
You get into the comments section, OK?
And you have people like, how do I get on the list?
Wait for these four landing, OK?
And then some lady put, I think a lot of you people
need to learn to speak and write English with proper spelling.
Some of these comments are stupid, OK?
But I noticed she spelled a lot wrong.
So I just put a little asterisk, a lot.
Let's spell it the correct way.
And I've gotten 10 motherfuckers that liked it over her six.
And it's so good.
I'm so happy about it.
Did she respond?
Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
Where's your response, bitch?
Where is it?
There's no period at the end of her comment either.
I know.
I know I should.
I wanted to do more.
What was that one, the rescue one that you commented on?
It was a picture of some lady getting rescued
from a horrific situation in the mountain.
But the rescuer was holding him up,
and her face was right in front of their dick.
And I just put in quotes.
I was just like, trust me, it's all part of the rescue process.
And that got a bunch of people.
It was so good.
You should post a second comment.
By the way, check out Fred Rice podcast.
I've done that before.
It comes off tacky.
It's just better to let people organically find you.
Any publicity is good, I guess.
Any publicity is good publicity.
Honestly, it's true.
We have so many.
This podcast about movies gave us a stellar strip club review.
By the way, you can check us out on Rotten Tomatoes now.
We are a Rotten Tomatoes presence.
So we're starting, because we're a movie review podcast.
We might as well put our reviews on a website.
Also, you guys say Andy isn't a nerd.
I can't think of anything more nerdy
than us doing a podcast at a strip club
with a stripper about the movie Showgirls.
Instead of, we get a private room just
to do a podcast with one of those strippers.
If we did it present to guests and talk
about what it's really like, yeah, that'd be great.
Especially if we're in the VIP room.
If we're in the VIP room and it smells like sex,
I won't be able to.
I was about to say, that would have to be a quick episode,
because I'm assuming you pay by the song.
And that's a lot of songs.
A lot of Nine Inch Nails songs.
Oh, yeah, that did it for me.
One chick came out to a Nine Inch Nails,
like three songs in a row, and that mix was so good.
Yeah, because afterwards, she had a real thick Russian accent.
I was like, Nine Inch Nails, it's good.
She's like, oh, yes, yes.
And then she's getting her stuff, and she looks at me.
She smiles.
She goes, every day is exactly the same.
And I was like, because that's the name of one of his songs.
And I was like, you're damn right it is.
And we shared a little moment.
I could have fucked her.
For someone that's never been to a strip club,
sure knows a lot of rules about the strip club.
Actually, that's exactly what Austin and Anthony said
last night.
Hey, Andy, it's good seeing you just not be like,
it's good seeing you like a normal human being for once.
And I was like, what the fuck does that mean?
He's like, I don't know.
It's just, you look like a normal person right now,
just enjoying a strip club.
I was like, OK.
And then also, why are all these girls showing you their pussies
and completely ignoring us?
You come here more often.
Yeah, Austin thought I lived there.
Because I walk in there all, literally, without clots.
If I had told Austin afterwards, like, oh, I come here all the time,
he would have believed me.
Because right when I sat down, motorboat,
and then it just full show the whole fucking time.
We saw many different aspects of Andy that night.
Because one person thought that he looked normal.
I thought that he comes there all the time.
And the strippers thought he was Ted Cruz.
Yeah.
And I thought I was just uncomfortable having an erection
so close to Anthony.
So.
Hey, you guys want to hang out and get boners together?
Just weird.
That is just weird in general about guys
when they want to go to strip club together.
Yeah, well.
It always is just a weird thing when you think about it.
Andy suggested we come here more together, like, once a month.
And I'm like, dude, we got to start golfing together
for an alibi or something.
Golf would be a more normal interaction.
Come on, dude, our new hangout.
I really wish we hadn't sat there with our hands
on each other's knees for comfort the whole time.
I think that's where we crossed the line for me a little bit.
But that was just you and Anthony.
Wait, Anthony wasn't doing it to you?
It was supposed to be all three of us.
Oh, shit.
Anyway, and then we have a fun little talking about snacks,
right, for strippers, right?
Because that's a thing people call hot chicks.
Talking about snacks.
Zachy, who doesn't get to make very many appearances due
to work and stuff, even though he's always here,
he's just always working.
He brought us, and why don't you explain it?
I bought three different main brands of gummy bears.
There's Albany's, there's Black Forest, and then Haribo.
What people like more than gummies when they're high,
I don't know.
But we're going to see which one we like the most, what's
our preferred brand, and what's our preferred,
like what's one we don't really like the least.
And it might tell you a little bit about yourself.
What do you like, if you like cheaper stuff, more expensive,
or even organic?
What do stoners like more than gummy bears?
Apparently strip clubs.
Now, instead of us all just spending the next 10 minutes
chewing into the microphone, what I think we're going to do
is, as we continue, eat yourself some gummy bears.
And then I would say we'll check in in about 10 minutes or so
and see where we're all at.
Does that sound good?
Because we've learned with these eating challenges in the past.
It's just good silence.
No one likes the silent chewing.
It's just stupid.
So all these cups are numbered, so you know exactly
ones are this, twos are that.
All right, yeah, fine.
Yes, yes, exactly.
So we got three different cups.
One's Haribo, one's Black Forest, and one's Albanese.
So yeah, I got them numbered.
I got them in the bag.
They're all the same calories, so there's
no different from that.
But they do come in different, for the similar price points,
they do come in different amounts.
One's 10 ounce, one's nine, one's eight.
So that's the only one I could actually specifically pick out
is the Haribo.
That's the only one that is well known.
The other two are good, not sure which.
Yeah, so I thought that was interesting,
that one of them was 10 ounces, one was eight, one was nine.
But they're all the same calorie count.
So they're all nine bears for 100 calories,
if that's what you care about.
I did not look at sugar content or anything like that,
but we can.
Well, I'm actually ready to decide.
I tried the red from each one.
That's all I needed to do, because I wanted
to try the same one consistently.
I tried to make the similar colors,
because Albanese has some weird colors.
I'm going to eat the fuck out of these later.
But I'm ready.
If you want, here.
I was like, you can already rank them.
You can rank them like three, two, one,
which one you like the most.
Yeah, I'm going to write these down so we know what's up.
So gummies, my order is one, two, three.
OK.
One, two, three, OK.
Austin.
I'm eating my last cup right now.
Did not like two already from the start.
Did not like two.
Two's the last.
You're going reverse order.
I flipped back the three upside down,
because I like that one the most so far, too.
I just left because I didn't like those ones.
And now I'm on one.
Mike is three, two, one.
Mine is also one, two, three.
Brendan is one, two, three.
Austin, what's better, three or one?
Three is the best.
So three, one, two.
Yeah, three, one, two.
And Zach.
Oh, shit.
OK.
That was it.
That was what broke it over.
The three is the best.
In this episode of Fried Rice Podcast,
the boys go to a strip club and eat gummy bears.
Two is super chewy.
Let's talk about the stripper that spread her pussy in front
of me last night to show me the inside of her soul
and then immediately cut to the sweetest little candy
review you ever done seen with the Fried Rice Podcast group.
I was just about to say, if it was like one solid story
together, that might have been like a really good story.
We went to the strip club and ate gummy bears.
If we do the podcast at the strip club,
can we do the same food rating?
Have the stripper do it.
You know how happy the strippers are going
to be for just some food?
But would the cuffs be them?
What?
Shit.
Like we're going to eat number three now.
Oh, god.
We're going to have to take this to Patreon, too.
Yeah, this is X-rated.
So I would say the, no, based on this,
we'll just, based on the ranking here,
if we're going aggregate, one and three are tied for first.
Two is definitely second place.
Two was horrible.
Yeah, so it's basically we have one and three tied
for first and last, both.
And we have two as a solid middle.
Right, that's because two is the most average across the board.
You can tell when you take it.
But one and three are the most polarized.
But one and three have either good flavor or good chew.
Right.
You guys like three.
OK.
So what do we got?
What is number one?
Actually, yeah, what's number one?
Number one would be Haribo.
I was wrong on that.
I was wrong on that, too.
I thought the Haribo was number two, yeah.
Honestly, I don't think Haribo got a fair shake,
because those ones were kind of rough.
They were kind of hard.
You're sure?
The Haribo's number two.
You're positive.
You asked me for what number one was.
This isn't the same as Haribo.
That's not it.
This is my number one.
That's my number one, too.
Haribo was number two.
Oh, Zach.
Haribo was number one.
This is my number one.
Look at the cup.
Now look at the gummies inside of it.
That would be Black Forest.
That's what I had in mind when I mixed those two up.
So number one is Black Forest.
That's why I was thinking.
We have no idea what it is.
Wait a minute, Black Forest?
Two is definitely Haribo.
There's no way.
Black Forest, so ham makes gummy bears, too?
Oh.
OK, so.
That means we're going to get wisteria.
Ketchup makes.
There's Heinz chicken soup.
I was like, wait, ketchup makes soup?
Black Forest was recalled, the Black Forest meat.
Black Forest is one.
So those are.
I flipped them over.
This is disorder.
For all the cups to sit.
Yeah, yeah.
So I put all the cups, like, filled them up at once.
And then I did the numbers on the bottom afterwards.
So all the number ones on the cups would say,
I just messed up on that part.
Got it.
OK.
Gaslighting us.
So now what's number two?
Number two would be Haribo.
Yeah, that makes sense.
And then number three.
Yeah.
Now, I like all three.
Don't get me wrong.
But just the, I think the texture on Black Forest
was great.
I just love the gumminess of it.
Haribo is such a classic.
It was a two for me.
It was just like, that's what gummy bears taste like.
Three had the best taste.
Two was the best on both average.
But the Albanese.
And the one was the best flavor, but the worst.
Now, here's the thing.
There's a fourth option that I saw online, Amazon,
that I bought once.
And it is a crazy assortment of gummy bears.
It's not just regular gummy bears.
It's like, you'll reach in.
There'll be regular gummy bears.
There's going to be like sour gummy bears,
sugar coated gummy bears.
Then there's going to be giant gummy bears.
There's going to be like a couple chocolate covered.
They just throw a shit load of different gummy bears
into one big one.
I think that would probably get like super gross after a while.
You're wrong.
I'm wrong?
It's good.
They're all just going to taste like the same shit over and over
again.
You're like, why is this chocolate cinnamon sour fucking
gummy bear?
That sounds right.
Here's a good endorsement.
Can I have some more of number three?
Can I get some more number one?
I used to be a Harabros kid.
I was a Harabro is what I was.
Because every time my parents stopped at a gas station,
I'd say, get me gummy bears.
To the point where I'm pretty sure my parents were like,
god, fuck you and your fucking gummy bears kid.
And it was always Harabros.
But no, Albanese for the win.
I'm going to address the mic.
You were a Harabro.
Albanese, it's spelled like you're saying Albanian wrong.
God, I just want to eat these.
But we have a podcast, unfortunately.
But not because of the movie.
The movie, actually.
I just swallowed one by accident.
You all right?
Well, everybody, this is what you came here for.
This is the real reason we have a podcast, I guess.
It is the movie, which is SLC Punk 1998.
And we also did, what's the second one called?
SLC Punk 2?
But SLC.
OK.
So this is an indie movie.
Sorry, Matthew Lillard.
You want some more number three?
No?
OK.
Let's just fucking get into this thing.
Right off the bat, it opens with classical music.
And I was like, way to play with my expectation movie,
because I figured this would open with a punk song.
And it did.
And I was like, very cool.
And then a bunch of rednecks get beat up.
Now, this is a very much narrated movie.
Is narrated the right word?
Exactly right.
Is that the word for telling you exactly what you're seeing
at all moments of all time?
When you see it yourself and you're, by the way,
your audience is an idiot?
Is that the?
Wait, who says the audience is an idiot?
Obviously, the director of the movie.
Because he tells you exactly what's happening behind him.
That's my problem with it.
We talked about earlier, we got into it a little bit
on the thing.
It's not lots of movies have narration.
That's fine.
That's for backstory and stuff like that.
But narration is not normally, hey,
this is what you're looking at right now.
I'm going to tell you exactly what you're looking at right
now.
By the way, I'm just going to interrupt this scene and just
tell you exactly what you're looking at.
You don't like that.
I think it's because it must be, I don't know.
But I liked the interruption.
I liked that.
I liked that it was.
I like it, but as a point.
Nope.
Here's the thing.
This one just did it more.
Maybe too much for you.
But for me, it was a good amount.
Because here's the thing.
I honestly enjoyed the interruption.
I liked that he stopped.
He's like, no, there's one thing we
don't like more than anything.
And it's rednecks.
And so here's some rednecks right here.
We're going to get them.
And then he gets them.
And he talks about it.
Personally, that's one of my favorite things.
I enjoyed it in one.
But I think I enjoyed it two more.
Yeah.
Are you talking about when it cut to Harren Ball?
Right.
My written review, that's exactly what it says.
At least this guy's dead and not interrupting
the scene who's in the scene.
It makes no sense.
You must hate Saved by the Bell.
So yeah, you're mad because it's Saved by the Belly Rule.
It's using the Saved by the Bell rule and not the.
Didn't like that show either.
OK.
Also, a lot of the narration ends in a really funny way.
Like when he's talking about chaos and order,
he's like, what was the end point?
Final summation?
None.
And then it's just a bunch of people fighting.
It was great.
Especially when he's introducing everyone.
Like, watch, this is my favorite part.
He's like, right here, this guy.
Your synod just then was, this narration
ends with no fucking reason.
That's what you just said.
That's the whole point of punk, anarchy, chaos, rebellion.
He goes on that whole rant about.
And then tells you how pointless it is.
Yeah.
Have you been on this podcast?
Aren't we friends?
You all just went to a strip club last night.
Now you want to argue.
Some reason, in a movie, when you're watching Andy Rice being
Andy Rice, it's annoying.
But in real life, you can handle it.
I believe you phrased that exactly right.
When you're watching Andy Rice being Andy Rice, it's annoying.
But in real life, you can handle it.
I'm half tempted to just right now just talk to the camera
and ignore you guys.
Point at it.
So listen, I know you might be asking yourself,
why the fuck do I let Mike talk off to me like that?
He's some important thing.
He's so old and frail.
And I'm like, well, being the god of a punk, but I don't want to.
So let's move on.
We get, and then I was like, oh, cool, punk music.
And then reggae music.
Just a lot of not punk music throughout this first movie.
It's a nice apartment for punks, by the way.
A nice little loft.
I mean, they fucked it up.
But do you think?
I thought they were squatting.
I thought they were squatting at first, too,
or it was like an abandoned building.
Yeah.
Because if you look outside the window, it's pretty bad.
Yeah.
I thought they were just squatters.
I thought they just found an abandoned building
and there's nothing in it.
There's like, no, it doesn't even have running water.
They don't really show the rest of it.
They just show that one room.
Yeah.
They fucked up with all the rest of it.
What did you guys think of Sean's mom's weird shirt?
Yeah, I would have freaked out, too, from that.
Especially with 100 hits of acid.
So many good quotes in this movie, too,
where they have to talk with their son.
She's like, he's the son of a bitch.
And he's like, fuck you, dear.
Or, oh, the sun never sets on the British Empire.
Well, the sun also never sets on my asshole.
Yeah, this is such a well-written move.
Really, really, really good.
Dude, they named a disease after me.
And then, what's her face is like, you are a disease.
My favorite character in both movies is Heroin Bob.
I just like that he's a straight edge guy,
although he doesn't really, although he drinks.
He drinks and smokes.
But he's not straight edge at all.
Then what is?
Straight edge is like you've never drank or never smoked,
never done anything like that.
Straight edge in comparison to all he's done.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It's like, I consider people who just smoke cigarettes
and drink to be straight edge.
No, no, straight edge is nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, absolutely nothing.
But I like that.
Cigarettes, not anything.
There's no one that exists as one of the nothing.
Children?
Are you talking about children who are straight edge?
No, that's.
Six-year-olds?
Yeah.
Seven-year-olds?
Yeah.
But once you hit eight or nine, you do drink or drugs.
Yeah, but there's a culture that's no drugs, no alcohol,
no smoking, no nothing bad.
Like, you have to have never done it, never tried it,
nothing.
Like, you can never be straight edge is what I'm saying.
Because you have smoked weed, you have drink.
Don't ever tell me what I can and can't be.
You can never be straight edge.
The sky's the fucking limit.
And I am my own pilot flying that plane.
You can never be a virgin.
And I'm going to wherever the fuck I want to go.
What are you talking about?
I can never be a virgin.
Wait.
No one's ever entered me?
Wait.
Let's move on.
One of my notes is Mark is teamu Andy.
Showing all of his stuff.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
I was in my water bed.
OK, so Mark is the Hugo Stiglitz.
When he was doing his whole autistic rant
about all the shit that he owns, yeah, I definitely
thought that was me.
I actually thought, my first note
was I relate to heroin Bob.
Because I just felt something about him.
And then I forgot what happened.
But then I put, you know what?
I don't relate to heroin Bob anymore.
And I think it's because he's just a bit of a douchebag.
But I still love him.
Why did I write?
You guys are going to have to remind.
Oh, heroin Bob gets that hurt on his hand.
And he doesn't get it looked at.
And then it shows it at the hospital.
And my note was, oh, God, his hand.
Oh, good, sweet, beautiful baby Jesus, his hand.
I'm going to throw up.
And then I put, oh, Austin picked a movie
with the pedophile, Jason Segal.
Now everyone can shut up about the fucking philosophers
for once.
You literally picked one where Jason Segal
is just perving the fuck out.
Yeah, that was one of my notes.
He's just being nice to a child.
He was way too focused on the child.
Yeah, that was weird.
Leaned across.
Hello, little girl.
I think they were trying to sell that he's
like this super nice guy.
But he's also the most hardcore dude in the scene.
When she sat across the fucking hallway,
it just showed him just smiling and staring at her.
No, he's a pedophile.
Yeah, he stared at her as they're
walking out of the room.
Yeah, you're worse than I am when
it comes to picking movies about pedophiles.
So just know that now.
The philosophers, which wasn't even.
Yours was, it was a plot point yours.
That was just kind of a small little thing.
Yeah.
Yours, what does that mean?
Are you reciting with Austin?
Yes.
Well, shut up.
That could have just been bad acting
from a young Jason Segal.
Yeah, it could have been.
Or maybe, no, never mind.
So maybe that little girl actress was asking for it.
That was a bad joke.
I like when one guy says fuck you and he says,
and Steve-O goes, no, fuck yourself.
You'll get more pussy.
Yeah, that's a good line.
I put, are they in college?
Are they?
Yeah.
Then they said that they all finished college.
That was a surprise.
Like, yeah, I finished college.
I got great grades.
Well, he cheated.
He cheated all.
No, that was high school.
No, he said he cheated in college, too.
But then his dad was proud of him for that.
He's like, well, yeah, that's what you do to get ahead, kid.
So Devin, OK, what the fuck is up with the oven things?
So Devin saw with Sean's character, he has a.
They're orange mitten.
Cold.
Salt Lake City.
It's got salt in it.
They're like ovens, dude.
Yeah, but they're mittens.
We don't live anywhere cold, so we don't have mittens.
They're mittens for street living punks.
That's what they found in the trash and used as mittens.
Oven mitts?
But they are oven mitts.
No one makes mittens that look like oven mitts
to sell to people to wear in everyday life
to walk around on the streets with, correct?
Like fingerless gloves.
Nope, nope, nope.
You're confirming something that he is denying right now.
You're saying that they exist.
Mike is saying that they don't.
Mittens exist, those were oven gloves being used as mittens.
Do I have to Google everything around here?
Mittens.
He sold LSD.
I'm sure he wore some weird shit.
Did anyone expect this much bullshit
to pop up when I typed in mittens?
Yeah.
Look at all this.
It's like it wants me to.
I've never.
What kind do you want?
You're shopping for them.
Holy shit, I guess I am.
I'm on Tmoo.
Just show me an image.
You're absolutely right.
Gloves for children.
This is what happens when you've never left California or Arizona.
How do you finger anybody?
Strip clubs, gummy bears, and now mittens.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Wow.
It's a whole new world.
It's such a miraculous place.
What's this?
There's mittens everywhere.
What's this?
I got a finger in the air.
What's this?
Go to those cute shark ones at the top.
Oh, let's get some cute sharky boys.
Did you just think that the South Park creators
couldn't figure out how to do hands?
And that's why they're just rounded?
Those are adorable.
You can do baby shark with those too.
Baby shark.
These are really cute.
Now, I'm down for these.
I might buy those.
Yeah, shark mittens.
It doesn't get cold enough here for those.
Doesn't get cold here ever.
I just realized we're on Tmoo looking at this.
Anyone interested in buying this weird shit?
What is this?
It's a wig and mustache or just the mustache?
Oh, yep.
No, brown mustache plus brown explosive wig.
Is that what you wear when you go to Dreamgirls?
This is what you wear when you're
on the run from the police and you only have a Tmoo budget.
It's when you robbed.
763, damn.
You robbed someone else with Tmoo money.
And holy shit, here we go.
Was that a gunpea part that I saw?
You can buy Tmoo gun parts.
Where?
On the bottom right.
Red dot laser.
Yeah.
But I think this shark sock is fucking awesome.
Oh, and you can do little monsters.
Anyway, this is the portion where
we look at Tmoo for 20 minutes.
I'm going to close this and this and this.
Sean's mittens.
And yeah, so Sean is wearing oven mittens.
And I hate it.
Lessons were learned in that tangent.
Yeah, I got to write off about 10 notes where I'm like,
what's up with these fucking mittens?
Andy learns what mittens are.
What's that?
I said in this part of the episode,
Andy learns what mittens are.
What are these fucking things on his hands?
I'll go on a rant all day long if you
want to know about how the first Civil War in the comics
went with Captain America and Iron Man.
But ask me what mittens are, and I will fucking
show my autism like a badge.
So the mods we get introduced to,
the mods are pussies, I wrote, or maybe they say that.
Maybe with the hats, but I think the main dude who
looks like Constantine, the one that we get in the sequel,
I think he looks cool.
I like that style.
I was a fan of the oversized coats and stuff
when it wasn't trench coat mafia related.
When I went to high school, there was one dude
I met when I had to go to the lunch line to get lunch.
One of the few times I couldn't score one of the Pizza Hut
or Patty's Burritos or whatever that they had on the side,
I had to stand in regular lunch line,
and there was a dude in front of me.
He was like 6'4", and he was wearing a full black trench
coat.
And I tapped him on the shoulder,
and I was like, hey, man, I just want to introduce myself.
My name is Andy, in case you ever
decide to shoot the school up.
I want to be one of your friends, and so please avoid me.
And he thought that was funny, and we became friends.
And he pulled the trench coat off,
but he also looked like a school shooter.
Now, these dudes pull it off, and they look fucking awesome.
The little scooters, though, not a fan.
Little Vespas that they ride around on, not.
But maybe in high school.
I used to have one of those.
They're actually pretty cool to zip around on small town with.
I bet, actually, if I lived in a smaller town.
A 1985 Honda Spree.
Definitely couldn't ride it out here.
No.
No, I have one of those.
My question is, has anybody here been to Salt Lake City?
No.
I just wondered, because it looks like I always thought of it
as a nice, clean town, and this movie makes it such a shithole.
I was just curious.
I've been to every state in the country,
except for Maine, Alaska, and Hawaii, and Washington.
And that's it.
I went through Utah, but I don't think
I did sit in Salt Lake City when I had my filter change up.
I think that every major state probably
has a shit heart, you know?
Yeah, oh, I think most of the world is shit.
I think there's only a few polished areas.
And I feel like those polished areas belong to the billionaires
and they're subsidiaries.
And so we're just, you know, like, we technique.
Like, this neighborhood that I live in right here is nice
enough, but it's still just all shit.
Yeah, you still have going to jail lady.
Yeah, you go to just a couple of horse, couple, yeah.
There's a woman that lives on my, like, two doors down
that she just, she has a bunch of rocks in her driveway
that she makes into these different,
I don't know, glyphs or tribal twinker circles.
Or she's trying to summon something.
They're all going to jail.
And she's always out in her front yard.
She's dancing back and forth.
And when she, and she just screams out,
you're all going to jail.
She's, do you check her pockets for acid?
I've never gotten near her.
She runs the golf course sprinklers.
I like how there's just, like, a lady like that living
in an apartment, like, next door to this big, beautiful custom
house.
Custom house.
Yeah.
So we, oh, and I like that when Sean is selling the acid
to the Mots, I think they're still in high school.
I feel like they're younger.
So they're still in high school.
Because he said, because when he's leaving, he turns up
and goes, hey, your mom's still picking us up for soccer
practice at four?
And it's like, yeah, I'll see you then.
Like, and they leave.
So they're going to soccer practice at four.
So that sounds like they're still in high school.
At least Sean and the Mots were, even though they all
party together.
I thought that was interesting.
I like, I just put Bob is cool.
Bob is cool.
Oh, when Bob runs into, so when Sean runs away
and gets all the acid, and he's freaking out
on the street corner, and Bob runs into them, all the people,
Bob treats him pretty good.
He doesn't fuck with them.
He doesn't mess with them.
He doesn't, like, try to hurt them or anything.
He's just like, come on, dude, I'm not Jesus.
And he's like, you are Jesus.
OK, fine, I'm Jesus.
Like, what's up, dude?
What's on your mind?
Like, he's just a cool guy.
And I liked Bob for that, liked his moment.
And he looks like De Niro from Taxi.
I don't know if that was a choice.
I think that was a choice.
OK, yeah.
I like the speech that the parents gave Stevo
at the house.
That was a great speech.
I loved the back and forth between the mom.
Every time the dad's like, hey, so son, ex hippies trying
to get through to punks.
Yeah, oh, this thing you're going through,
the hair and everything.
Like, you know, maybe since you got such good grades
in school, you could go do that.
And the mom's like, but do what you love, honey.
And just the way he looks at her,
it's just like, shut the fuck up and let me tell this guy
to get his shit together, which I love.
I like that whole thing.
And then at the very end, when it's like, go fuck yourself,
like, it's where they're mean to each other, so good.
Such a well-written movie.
This is one of those few times where
I'm glad someone forced me to watch a movie I
didn't want to watch.
And this is one of those situations.
So thank you, Austin.
Appreciate it.
1985, they had laser discs.
That's cool.
I thought those were good.
There's a movie on there.
Yeah.
I liked all of his toys.
So you're very right that that's me back then.
I did put I love Jason Segel in this,
but only when he starts beating people's asses and shit,
we see how tough he is and stuff.
I love that.
The whole party sequence where he's introducing all
of his friends is awesome.
I even like that whole speech where he ends up being like,
what was the point of all this?
Nothing.
And then they just get back into it, more fighting.
I like when he talks about Mike.
It's like, I remember a time when
Mike got the idea that all the cars on his block
would look better without windows.
And he just started smashing in all the windows.
Yeah.
I hate Steve-O and I hate his speech.
I put on one of them.
But I think it's also I love that speech.
So I don't know why I wrote that.
So I put he's very Randall from Clerks, Steve-O, the way
he talks and everything.
It definitely feels like Clerks was a heavy influence on him.
Yeah, I see that.
Just a more punk version of Clerks.
And then I don't know how long I was close to the end
of the movie.
Oh, so that's what SLC stands for.
It's taking you to the end?
Damn near.
Andy, do you know what snow is?
Computing.
Did you say otherwise we have to Google SLC for you right now?
Snow, snow, South Park, snow day, recent game, failure,
flop, play.
I feel like because I'm the one that's
going to get all the hate here.
I'm going to go ahead and let me interrupt
and go in a little bit and talk about this movie.
Just a little bit.
OK, because I wrote a review on this movie.
I'm just going to give you a little bit of what I thought.
Steve-O spends more time explaining
to the punk to the camera than actually being punk.
He struts around like a peacock with a bad attitude,
spouting off about anarchy and nonconformity
while looking about as threatening as a kitten
in a studded collar.
With mittens.
With mittens, yeah, exactly.
I think he's kind of over the top,
mugs for the camera a little bit.
His monologues just don't have any subtlety to them.
They're like a sledgehammer to a guitar, which is punk.
I kind of get that part of it.
It tries to tackle deep themes like identity, conformity,
and the futility of rebellion, but does so
with the grace of a bullet at China shop.
Which is also punk.
Which is kind of, yeah.
It's like watching a college freshman who just discovered
nature trying to explain the meaning of the word punk.
Just discovered nature trying to explain the meaning of life
after the third bong hit, which is probably
why you like it so much, Andy.
Several bong hits.
Yeah.
Is it a raw, honest look at punk culture in the 80s?
Maybe.
Is it also a pretentious, navel-gazing exercise
in Gen X angst?
Say that last line.
A pretentious, navel-gazing exercise.
Navel-gazing exercise.
Yeah, like staring at your navel, yeah.
Oh.
The navel of the body.
Yeah, of the body.
But you know what?
It's also fun.
It's fun.
It's a fun movie.
Brendan asked me if I was thinking you said Navy.
And I was.
Naval, OK.
Like, naval warfare, Navy.
So I was like, what is what?
But it's also kind of fun.
And I'm not that age anymore sort of way.
You know what I mean?
I'm so glad I'm not these guys.
I miss it.
It's funny.
OK, it is a funny movie.
I would like to thank Austin for making me watch it,
because I agree.
It's something everybody should see.
It's kind of like a time capsule of an era
when having your hair that way and acting that way was cool.
It was supposed to be cool.
But it's got problems.
The movie has problems.
It's not a perfect movie.
It's a well-written movie with a lot of great lines.
I love a lot of lines.
So I ranked it after all the bitching I did.
That's why I said I'm going to thank you for making me
watch it.
In our chat, Mike went off.
To be fair, it was 30 minutes into it,
and nothing had happened except for him
talking to the goddamn camera.
It was the only thing that had happened.
He watched 30 minutes of movie, then
bitched at us for three hours.
Well, at one point, it just got funny.
So I just kept going on purpose at one point
after I was further into it.
So my overall rating was four out of five.
Four out of five?
Yeah.
What's our?
But we do a ranking system here on Fridays podcast
in which a lot of people aren't familiar with.
We start at the top with B, standing for the very best.
And we go all the way down to F for fuck this.
It sucks.
But then we have a designation even before us.
And you know what?
Fuck you, Zach.
Because I hate this rating system.
And we were boxed into it so long ago.
And now we've done it so many times.
It's so jacked up.
We were trying to figure out the other day
how to get the reviews on to Rotten Tomatoes.
And it's like impossible.
Yeah.
It's you can't convert our bullshit B through W system
into half stars and stars and make it work.
Sure you can.
No, you can't.
Anything W is a half star or less.
Yeah, well, so yeah.
We ended up figuring it out.
But it took hours.
And a W stands for a waste of time.
And so a four out of five.
So you must, what is that?
I'd say C minus.
C minus, OK.
C minus.
I would say that there's a couple things.
Would a car really float on Salt Lake?
Is it really a lake full of that much salt
that things would float on top of it?
I don't know about the car.
How's it like?
Salt creates density to make things float.
But a car?
I like how this is like Narnia to you.
This is everything that exists in this world.
You know, Andy, you could actually go there.
I would need someone to do the effort of me.
I have to walk into a wardrobe.
Someone chloroforms me.
I wake up eight hours later in Salt Lake City.
And I walk out of something.
I'm there.
There's a street lamp.
That's the start of the fried rice movie.
Oh, wow.
You just blew my mind with the thought of a fried rice movie,
Brennan.
It's not like I haven't thought of it before.
But how would we do it?
What would we do?
Calm down.
I'm telling my autism to stop.
It's difficult, but I could do it every night.
Actually, but listen.
What would we do?
I think we're on like a, what, tangent every five minute pace
right now.
I think it'd be like Jay and Silent Bob's right back.
Or we're going to a movie premiere.
Oh, fuck yeah.
In Salt Lake City, apparently.
Or how about we're trying to shoot a sequel to Mackinney?
And it's like, and we film the movie.
We are movies like, it's like a documentary
of the behind the scenes making of the,
or we do like a Tropic Thunder style.
We go somewhere dangerous to do the Mackinney sequel.
We end up getting sucked into it.
Like it's cheaper to film there.
It's fun.
Yeah.
Cool.
And then poor Bob.
Looney dies.
That was really sad.
And Steve-O-Cry was super sad.
It was fantastic.
Yeah.
And then we had all the snot and drool.
It was like watching them get stabbed in the stream again.
Oh, you skipped over one of the best scenes in this movie.
The store scene in Wyoming.
Oh, where they robbed the store?
They didn't want to rob them, but then those freaks,
or the people there were like pointing guns at them and shit.
That was great.
That was a fun scene.
There's a, so Bob, poor Bob, dude,
he gets a bunch of vitamins because he got too drunk
and ends up being epinephrine.
Perfect.
And then he ends up ODing.
If he was someone that never did pills or anything like that,
why would he just take a handful of pills in the stream?
He was fucked up.
Wasted, and no one stopped him.
Actually, that chick murdered him.
Because she, like, the little smile on her face,
she's like, I'm going to fucking kill this guy.
Or he's going to get fucked up from this or whatever.
But like, but yeah.
And then at that same party, we get Matthew Lillard's character,
Steve-O, meeting the new girl that he likes.
By the way, fuck, that sucked so bad
when he walked in on that chick fucking that dude.
And then he beat the dude up.
And then we see that again in the sequel.
What a fuck you movie.
Why would you ever remind us that shit happens?
That women cheat.
Everyone cheats.
I lost faith in love after watching this,
after watching these movies.
I really have.
There's no sense of love is a thing that to even.
Is that why we went last night?
That's exactly why we fucking went last night.
We went.
You went back.
We went to strip clubs.
I almost left.
They were leaving.
And I was like, you guys can go.
I'll stay.
Wait, was it Andy's idea to go?
No, it was Austin's.
No?
Anthony's.
It was Anthony's.
Way to deflect, Brennan.
Oh, wait, you weren't there.
I wasn't there.
Definitely weren't there.
Definitely wasn't there.
But when Steve-O's new chick tells him, like, yeah.
Technically, Zach was there because he's everywhere at once.
He's all seeing omnipotent.
But when Steve-O is talking to his new chick,
she points out, like, yeah, but is it no offense,
but like, is it punk like a uniform?
You're basically just a poser anyway.
You're a poser.
And then he's like, ah.
And it like hits him.
And then the next scene we see, he's like, who are we kidding?
He knows I was going to go to fucking law school.
Like, this is life.
I'll see you there.
Whatever.
And then he doesn't show up for the fucking sequel.
Not even one cameo where it cuts to, like, I don't know,
maybe Sean's office that he was talking about the whole time.
And like, it has Matthew Lizard as the guy
that Sean's maybe working for.
Yeah.
This is what I wonder a lot of times
about people who love this movie.
Punks who love this movie, not people.
Because I mean, I love the move for different reasons.
Well, they're people too.
No.
I'm saying not in general.
Because like, at the end of it, like you said,
he goes off to Harvard.
There's no future in anarchy.
You can do more in the system than outside it.
I was just a poser all along is what
he says at the end of the movie.
And I feel like a lot of people that love this movie love it
because they think it's glorifying punk culture.
And it's really not.
It's kind of saying, no matter what you're into,
it's not live this way, but look at how you live.
You're a poser.
Yeah.
Everyone's a poser.
It's more of a cov.
I look at now, having seen it now, I'm like you.
I would have never watched this movie if it wasn't for you.
But it's really a coming of age story is what this movie is.
It just uses punk as a background to it.
It's more of a coming of age and learning
about being an adult and the things.
It wouldn't matter if it was punk.
It wouldn't matter if it was somebody
who was so into Marvel stuff that they didn't do anything
else with their life.
It wouldn't matter what it is.
I'm just saying it wouldn't matter.
You're just saying a lot of things right now.
It's what I could see.
You had to point out the Marvel, huh?
It's what I could see.
So it was the thing that came to mind.
But the most punk thing to do is to not give a fuck what
people think and do what you want.
Well, then I'm a fucking punk.
I'm not a punk by choice.
I'm autistically forced into being a punk
because I can't care what other people do.
So being autistic just means you're punk as shit.
Kind of.
Because honestly, I don't care what anyone does.
The moment I've said this a bunch of times,
and I think it's true.
I'm almost like a dog in a way.
Except a dog thinks about you constantly when you leave,
and all it wants is you in its life.
For me, it's like the moment someone leaves,
I don't think about them again until they text or call
or I see them again.
No response, huh?
So this is just me a monster.
If you guys don't say anything after, like, oh, no,
that makes sense.
That's something people do.
It makes me look like a fucking serial killer, guys.
Makes me really look bad.
Anyone?
You're something, dude.
You telepathically told those women
to show you their souls four times in a row.
Dude, that was just swagger.
You just put your Professor X mind controlled,
like, you're going to come over here and show me everything
and interact with only me.
Show me.
Oh, it's like what that one girl says.
His punk is rebellion.
It's fashion, not rebellion.
That's what the one girl tells him, yeah.
Punk is fashion, not rebellion.
Rebellion's in your mind.
The first punk was the first true.
It's not your clothes or your hair or nothing like that.
It's what's in your head is rebellion.
The first guy to have crazy colored hair
is like the first and only punk, really, because everyone
copied him after that.
Yeah, exactly.
Unless you're wearing a piece of clothing
that you made yourself that wasn't mass produced
and that at least 10,000 other people are wearing currently,
you're not punk.
That's why they do those jackets with the pins and everything.
But even having a jean vest with pins on it
is the same as all the other ones, jean pink,
same bullshit.
So those shoes with holes in them that they put pins in,
what are those called?
Crocs.
So crocs is the most punk thing you can do then.
Brendan's a fucking OG.
If you're over 50.
Speaking of crocs.
I was like, crocs are everywhere, man.
That's the best jeans of the world now.
So on Brendan's crocs, we got a baby Groku.
We have a little Deadpool and a Bob-omb.
And then your other one is a Deadpool, Millennium Falcon,
and Bullet Bill.
Nice.
Yeah, that was the most punk sentence anyone's ever said.
I remember punk has splintered into some.
There's skate punks, ska punks, crust punks are my favorite.
That's what I like about the second one,
was when they broke down all of those different genres of punk.
Did any of you look at those genres?
I didn't look at any of them up, but I was considering
looking some of them up.
Yeah, a couple of them sounded interesting.
But you could do punk with anything.
Right now, I want to take his little croc.
I'm going to take his croc pin and turn it into a punk song.
So I just need like, it'd be like,
da-da-da-da-da-da-da, baby Groku, Deadpool, Deadpool, Deadpool,
ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bop, ba-bump, Bullet Bill.
You're like, that's punk.
It was like when Newgrounds was popular and that garage band
game that was on there.
I think it was called Punk Band.
And you could make a song.
I remember that.
I don't know if it was Newgrounds,
but I remember that thing where you can make your own South Park
character.
And I would print them off and bring them to school
and make ones of my friends and shit.
I did that too.
There was an Aliens versus Brothers.
Jesus Christ, I don't know why I didn't bring this up when we
talked about Aliens versus Brothers.
Next week, we'll be talking about the actual thing.
So please remind me.
But I might even be able to find it.
But I had an AVP card game when I broke my leg when I snapped
my shin bone in half.
And I was bedridden for like a couple of weeks.
My buddy came over.
We would play Aliens versus Predator.
But we would print special cards like Superman, Solid Snake,
and like for that.
So same thing.
Still working on your not a nerd grid there?
Well, Mike, some would say nerd.
Some would say creative, entrepreneur.
I'm ready to rate this.
I give it a C+.
I quite enjoyed it.
I thought it was well written.
Directing was great.
Acting was great.
I don't know who heroin Bob is, the actor.
I don't recognize him from anything else.
But I liked seeing him again.
And I thought when he came back in the second movie,
he did just as good of a job.
So I should be handing the flame first into my hand.
Yeah, it's OK.
That's OK.
I know we got there.
So C+.
I thought other than the other part,
Scooby's acting was great.
Shaggy.
I know that you were referencing Scooby, but he has a name.
And Scooby.
OK, Austin.
I enjoyed this movie just as much as the first time I saw it.
So I'm going to give it a B+.
Or for this episode, five out of five stripper gummy bears
wearing mittens.
I'm hard.
Are we rating both of them or just the first one?
First one, I agree with Austin.
I would say a B. It's a great movie.
The overall whole arc of the movie
is him realizing he is a poser.
Once he created that last entry, he's like, you know,
we all are posers.
You know?
It's like, oh, OK, cool.
I'm nailing the coffin kind of thing ends the story.
Even if they didn't make a second one.
Which second one is really good acting, fun to watch.
Overall, great.
I would say, yeah, B.
OK.
And then Brandon.
Yeah, this is definitely an enjoyable movie to watch.
I remember watching it younger and watching it now.
It still hits just as hard.
Matthew Lillard's performance after Finding Herald with Rock.
Fantastic.
And that's what kept me at a solid B for this movie as well.
C plus B. B plus.
C minus.
It's a B. First, SLC Punk gets a B. Fuck yeah.
You want to put this thing out?
We can save it for the rest for motherfucking baby cannons
blow your dick off.
You guys are high too, just being in the room.
There's no way you're not.
Everyone stays in the room.
I never let anyone drive so high.
That'd be irresponsible.
Now we're talking about punk's dead.
Punk's not dead?
Punk's dead.
And then does it say SLC Punk afterwards?
OK.
SLC Punk 2?
OK, so it says punk's dead, SLC Punk 2.
OK.
So punk's dead, SLC Punk 2.
And does it just open with Bob?
I was so happy.
Because we get the black and white, he's dead, he's in a room,
he's just fucking hanging out.
He's super cool.
He's an awesome narrator.
I loved it.
What's interesting is last week, when you recommended this,
I remember you specifically saying, number one's great.
And then you contributed to the Kickstarter for number two,
or the Indiegogo whatever.
And you said it wasn't as good.
I didn't like it as much as the first one,
but it's like Boondock Saints syndrome.
It's hard to top that original.
I don't know.
A little bit of a spoiler, I think I like this one more.
Certain movies, sometimes the sequels are better.
I think in this case, this is a better.
Like in the Clerks universe, there's
some movies that are better than the first Clerks, right?
Or is the original Clerks the best one, in your opinion?
I'm not trying to stir up any shit.
Alien and Alien.
Well, no, I think the best example is Back to the Future.
Because I think three's the best.
Personally, three's my absolute favorite.
And that's the third in a franchise.
And I actually think if you go, I think it goes 3, 2, 1.
Because as much as I like the original 50s,
I really like the future Shenanigans.
Because that's what I'm into.
The second one, I think, is my favorite.
Because then he goes into scenes of the old movie.
Yeah, you get both in the second movie.
That's what's cool.
You get 50s and you get more time travel Shenanigans.
The first one, it's pretty straightforward.
It's a one shot.
This one, it's like there's a few tricky scenarios.
In one, they had so much less time to make it
than what happened in the first one.
Yeah, with the clock tower chip.
Wow, with the also with to actually make the movie.
Because they were done filming it almost.
And then they had to restart from the beginning.
Because they had Eric Stoltz as the.
So the one they had to just go boom and make a.
Was it Eric Stoltz?
Is that the right guy?
Do you guys remember or heard about that?
How they shot like.
Like.
80%.
80% of it's.
Then there's footage.
Release the Stoltz cut.
Maybe because here's the sad part, actually.
They just need to do another Back to the Future.
They need to have Eric Stoltz be the main guy.
And just have him be a different high school student
than Marty.
But not high school.
Just have him be a different resident of.
Just a different resident of the place that.
Hill Valley.
That Doc Brown could run into theoretically.
And have him get caught up in Shenanigans.
And here's how you do it.
Here's how you easily do that.
He goes, I've already, Doc, it's me.
It's Marty or whatever.
And Doc will be like, you're not Marty.
He's like, I am.
I've already gone back in time.
I fucked some shit up.
And now I'm in a different alternative universe, right?
So now you have older Eric Stoltz playing Marty McFly.
And you use all the old footage that you already
have of him doing the scenes with him in flashback status.
And then a couple more you CGI.
Am I just fixing?
You're just doing Rick and Morty the movie.
It is Rick and Morty the movie, basically, at that point.
But you play it serious.
You play it serious.
And you give it the soundtrack, the fact the future has.
And you have a winner.
Especially if you filmed it like.
You know it'd be, I don't know.
Let's just leave it alone.
Why?
The three are good.
We don't need to keep on adding to stuff.
I disagree.
As much as I shit on a lot of movies existing.
Like Borderlands I recently watched.
And I think it's getting a way harder score than it deserves.
It's like people hate it, hate it, hate it.
And I'm like, it's not the worst movie ever made.
Like have you seen Singularity with John Cusack?
People don't talk about that shit.
You know what I'm talking about?
But like Borderlands at least looks visually nice.
I guess if you're a fucking person who tears apart movies
for a living VFX wise, you could maybe be like,
oh the graphics in this aren't very good.
But like I didn't notice until I saw the honest trailer
for Borderlands that there's like one scene where someone's
kind of falling off something that it looks janky.
Because if you're just watching the fucking movie,
you don't notice.
You can do that in any movie.
Exactly.
And so I think people are being a little harsh on it.
But I'm glad it exists.
I think it's not a great movie.
And I think they should have made a PG-13.
They should have went a hard R. The casting was a little weird.
We don't have to put Jack Black in everything.
Bobby Lee can stay though.
I like he was actually pretty great in that.
My question is, is that a movie that somebody
who hasn't played Borderlands who doesn't even know
the franchise would enjoy the movie?
I don't know.
I think what I think.
Like would my granddaughter and my grandson like it?
Yeah, because here's the thing.
If they've never played Borderlands
and you took them with the reassurance as a PG-13 movie
that you're not going to get anything that's
going to rock the boat, I think you could all
enjoy a sci-fi action movie that exists.
Right.
And you get a robot played by Jack Black.
And he does say funny things.
Right.
So I'm saying is it more that they get a Kevin Hart,
you get a Jack Black.
And they are them.
Look, it's Jumanji with guns in space on a trash planet.
You're pretty much that's what it is.
You're going to enjoy it.
Right.
If you're not looking for the things from the game.
I can't say you're going to enjoy it, Mike.
I'm not.
But I'm going to say.
I'm just saying.
It's a very punk tangent you just went on.
We need a tangent counter for this episode.
Let us know in the comments.
But there's a point to all this.
We've lost count.
Not anymore.
Oh, there is.
OK, my point of opinion is as much as the Borderlands movie
Take or Leave, I do like that exists.
I think that we should have unlimited.
That's where we're heading.
Let's just not kid ourselves.
Let's not kid ourselves one bit.
The bigger and bigger the internet gets,
and the more and more that people create,
and the more that AI starts creating things for us,
and the fact that we live in a now a creator forward world,
where that's all it is.
People just consume media.
That's our one objective now as human beings is consume media
and whatever.
That's just how it is.
Every person you meet, what is 90% of your conversation about?
What have you seen lately?
Whatever.
It's like you're talking about what you're going to watch.
What have you seen?
What are you currently watching?
A lot of it is that.
I know that's me talking about it.
Maybe I am.
Listen to or read.
I mean, reading too, but that's still content.
I love collecting physical media.
My whole left side of my desk is just shelved,
and there's photos, and then finals and CDs, games, books,
movies.
Music, game, movies, books.
Content.
All I want is content.
Because what else is there?
We're not cavemen.
We're not just going to sit on a rock,
look at the majesty of the sky, because we
can't see the stars because of light pollution anyway.
We can't do that without hearing the noise of the cars passing
by, and we can't connect to nature like they could,
and whatever.
But that's fine.
I don't want to go kill a Sabre II Tiger and have to eat it.
And I don't want to have to like, you know what I mean?
So I'm cool living where we're at, and I love content.
So let's not kid ourselves.
We are moving in the direction of unlimited potential.
Because I think every time something becomes caught like a,
loses its copyright, we're going to get some things that are
going to blow our fucking minds.
Like Winnie the Pooh, the horror movie was not it.
But somebody out there is going to lovingly
make a Winnie the Pooh something that they've
been working on in their head for their whole lives
because it's their favorite character.
Now that they can use it, they're
going to create like a stop motion Winnie the Pooh,
or a claymation, or something that they've
been working on their computer.
People are already planning on rights to run out on things.
Like as soon as they announce that the old style Mickey is
like all copyright free, someone already
had a movie that was just in production.
They just finally revealed it to the world
that they're doing it.
Yeah, that's fucking sick.
Like Steamboat will.
There's a website that keeps track of all these things too.
And people just go.
Each year, each year, there's like I think a day,
or like a month, that's January, where they just release.
It's like, all right, here's all the releases of all the stuff
that's coming out.
Like Robin Hood, we could totally do a Robin Hood
if we wanted to.
Or Shakespeare, I think, is on the market.
So any of those.
What?
Beowulf.
That's absolutely copyright free because they don't even
know who wrote it, right?
Yeah.
One of those just things they found.
But what's the Dead Sea Scrolls?
We could do that.
We could do the Bible.
Well, no, that's Bible deleted scenes.
So.
Christianity and Catholicism is like a corporation now.
They'll sue the fuck out of us.
No, they couldn't sue us.
Westboro Baptist Church.
For doing deleted scenes of the Bible.
If we did the seven.
Deleted scenes?
The Bible deleted scenes?
That's what I'm saying.
If we did the seven Dead Sea Scrolls or whatever,
however many there are, just did those stories,
I bet you those would fucking suck.
You know what?
Actually, we cut this out.
We just make this.
Can we take all the video of this?
And any video of you, we just have you dressed as Jesus.
The whole time when we call it Bible deleted scenes
and it's just Jesus talking about movies.
As funny as that would be, I don't want to be sacrilegious.
What I would do is I would earnestly
make these movies because these would sell.
And we wouldn't do it under the Fried Rice podcast blanket.
I'll have to cut all this out.
We'll do it under a different thing.
But that would be great because people want that.
They want to hear the deleted scenes and stuff,
no matter how controversial.
You would definitely be John Travolta in our Battlefield
Earth sequel.
I will be in one of those.
And we'll tie one of your arms because you lost his arm.
We'll tie your arm down.
I want to just be tortured like Braveheart.
I know his name is Walter Wallace.
Oh, and he bonks his head a lot and yells at people.
I missed that.
That's the main reason he loses again in the sequel
is because he bonked his head on something.
It's a good cushion.
Well, he ends up in jail again, right?
Yeah, but they just lock him in there and leave him there.
We're talking about Battlefield Earth right now, everybody.
Greatest movie of all time.
I was lost for a second.
Which movie are we on?
Yeah, what are we doing?
Too many movies.
Which movie?
John Travolta really threw you off on that sci-fi
Scientology movie.
You can talk about stuff, mouse, too.
But all I was saying is-
It all started when he said that he said,
I did not like the sequel.
Yeah, it was all started when-
It went on Borderlands and then existence and life.
Can we just go back to Dreamgirls?
That's really what I wanted to do.
Dreamgirls and gummy bears.
Yeah, well, I-
That was the whole point of that tangent was he just
wants to go back to Dreamgirls.
I want to go to Dreamgirls.
What did you see in that girl's pussy, dude?
He saw God talking to him.
Apparently, it was a black hole.
If you came out of a pussy, I'd be like, oh my god.
He's gone down a black hole of pussy, apparently.
It's the number 42.
That was seven.
Dude, the music was getting so fucking hard.
The nines, that's what it was, nines.
The music was hitting so hard.
I hit my fucking weed pen a few times before going in.
And it was the nine inch nipples track
that was bleeding into some more nines.
Bro, I'm just leaning forward and this woman comes up to me.
Here's the meaning of life.
And it just spreads her pussy open.
Just the track-
It just broke my face.
I'm like, what?
Just Trent Reznor playing on his piano.
He's like, hey, Andy, how are you?
You enjoying life so far?
No, I will say this.
If you guys know anything about me,
I don't have a sense of smell.
And I think that saved me in this situation.
No, they're under new management,
so it's a lot better now.
The smells are great.
It's like, what's that restaurant that says Pre-Smells?
Pre-Smells?
I don't want to say Harpies.
Oh.
That's Jimmy John's.
But this is bad.
But dude, that was a-
Why don't we get distributed?
I just don't know.
I guess my point of all this was I just want unlimited media.
I don't care if we have 10,000 shitty movies.
If they're willing to make them, I'm so happy they're being made.
Because I don't need to watch them.
You don't need to watch them.
Who the fuck is Singularity 4?
Somebody.
Pedophiles?
Somebody.
Even if it's just the- here's the thing.
Even if it's just the cast and crew
had made a fun little movie amongst themselves,
and they enjoy it, I'm glad it exists for them.
We're here to shit on it.
But maybe one day we make a shitty movie,
and we put it out somewhere because we're proud of it,
and we just think it's fun for our fans.
If those movies didn't exist, we wouldn't exist.
That's going to be our trip to St. Louis.
Or not St. Louis.
Salt Lake City.
Punk, SLC, if you're hip to the trend of what that stands for.
Andy, you love this movie?
Wait, no, hold on.
SLC Punk 2, though, you loved it?
Yeah.
I did not like it.
I did not like it either.
It's not memorable.
I'm not even remembering what my short little notes were about.
Oh.
I don't have any notes.
Oh, I like to text it.
I texteth you.
Yeah.
Oh, so when he said he's a goth dandy.
Emo Shelley was funny.
Oh, yeah, Emo Shelley was my favorite character.
I think we all knew an Emo Shelley.
Yeah, at some point.
OK, so I like Bob's kid, Ross.
I like him immediately when they're in the car.
I just like his vibe.
I like that he's just a smart.
He remind me a lot of Bob because Bob.
So what were you going to say, Zach?
I just like his attitude when they're like,
yeah, you're kind of pompous.
He's like, oh, I'll change that.
Yeah.
I love everything.
I mean, one of the top, I mean, maybe top 10 movie scenes
I've ever seen is in this movie.
I'm not even kidding you.
It is one of the funniest things.
I had to pause the movie.
I was laughing so hard.
And it was just, he's like, we need to get some beer.
And they go to that gas station.
And he walks in, and he grabs the beer, and he pays for it.
There you go.
And he leaves.
The guy goes, you got an ID?
He goes, of course.
He leaves.
And the face of the dude is just like, huh, all right.
But then it gets even funnier when he gets in the car,
and he sits down there like, they're just silent.
And they're looking at him.
OK, you have a fake ID.
He's like, oh, of course not.
Did you show up your ID?
No.
You have to be 21 to buy beer.
I did not know that.
And they left.
I died, dude.
That was so good.
So fucking good.
Sorry, that's not like a sarcastic anything.
That's a funny fucking scene.
I loved it.
Just remember from the first one,
it's half percent of normal beers.
Yeah.
What is?
Salt Lake City.
Got it.
Salt Lake City beer.
So if it's like 3%, it's 1.5%.
Yeah, it's 3%.
Yeah.
When we were kids, we were standing at a,
we were doing a midnight release of a Final Fantasy
game or something, probably.
That's something not nerdy Madden.
Fuck you.
And it was NHL.
There we go.
And my buddy went into a restaurant, like a little shop.
And he ordered some beer.
And we were like teenagers.
And they gave it to him.
And then we found out it was O'Douls.
And he felt like a real badass.
And we drank him.
And then we realized there was 0% alcohol.
Whatever.
I felt like I was just watching a road trip Hot Topics
clearance sale.
There are.
On this movie?
Yeah.
That's not a bad description.
There are little bits and pieces that are good.
Like that scene where he gets the alcohol, that's good.
Very good.
MGK didn't piss me off that he was in this movie.
I used to not be a big fan.
And then I was like, why the fuck is he in this movie?
And I'm like, oh yeah, he used to be like a big punk rock guy.
Who?
MGK.
Oh, wasn't he a punk rocker?
That was like his main thing.
And then he started rapping.
No, I think it's rapping punk rock.
I think he went back and forth.
First combo kind of thing.
Yeah, rap.
Well, because then we've got, you all forgot about Lil Wayne.
Remember when he went rock and roll?
His character, his character in this, his character Crash.
Cool name.
You've got to have a punk in the movie.
Oh, Crash.
You've got to have a punk.
I like MGK.
Actually, I wrote down, I forgot his name,
but I wrote down in real life his actual name.
But I watched this whole thing, and I was like,
that wasn't Machine Gun Kelly, was it?
And then I looked on IMDB, or I looked online,
and it said starring Colby whatever's name,
whatever's actual name, Colton whatever.
And I was like, oh cool, not Machine Gun Kelly.
And then I looked up, and it was like,
it's Machine Gun Kelly, because I'm an idiot.
But it's just his name.
So I was just like, oh, they look alike.
For just a moment, I existed in a world
where there's a Colton guy and a Machine Gun Kelly.
Did you think his actual name was Machine Gun Kelly?
Of course not.
But wait for a moment.
It was the, what was funny about it,
somebody I haven't seen, or Machine Gun Kelly,
in years really.
And then in one week, I saw two different movies
of Machine Gun Kelly.
That's right, because Jackpot, the one
that you recommended last week as your rec.
Machine Gun Kelly, yeah.
He was like, I can't.
His real name was Pistol Pete, all right.
Wait, when he was doing punk?
No, Jesus Christ.
Oh, sorry.
The most unrealistic part of the movie,
I thought, was when he grabs a handful of mushrooms.
And I've never done mushrooms.
I don't know this effect.
But it seemed like two or three hours later,
he just sleaped it off after a handful of mushrooms.
I would say, yeah, it depends on how strong they are.
But he was still drunk, but he wasn't high anymore.
You're talking about the most unrealistic part.
It's just that he took a handful of the grossest tasting
mushrooms that you've ever had in your life with no water
and ate the driest mushrooms ever.
Have you ever had mushroom psychedelics?
You don't have to admit it, but it very hard.
You didn't listen to a thing I said.
I said I'd never done mushrooms.
I did, and it was the first time I ever did them.
It was pretty fun.
Second time I did it, worst experience of my life.
I was literally hoping I wasn't going to die.
My ancestors were talking to me, and they were all
pissed off and disappointed.
I was like, bro, I'll never do anything like this again.
You get both of that with his trip.
Shelly, her crush on him, I think is adorable.
I think there's a moment where later on in the movie,
they're all getting ready to go.
To go in the limo to go get Ross.
They found out that he's at the concert or whatever.
And she's on the phone, and she finds out that he got hurt
or whatever, that some chick cheated on him or whatever.
It was around that time.
Shelly in the background, she grabs the axe, I think the axe,
and leaves.
But they don't use that going forward.
There's also another thing they don't use, which is Bob,
at one point, turns over and he says, yeah,
I sometimes like to use flashbacks to mess with them
and stuff, to Sean.
And you see him in the background using magic.
Why didn't they use that that they set up?
There could have been a perfect moment where Sean having
an acid flashback because it lives in his spine.
And that absolutely is a thing that they
mentioned in the first one.
He would just crack his back or something,
and then every time he cracks his back, he gets a flashback.
He gets a flash from Bob talking to him about shit.
And that's why he's so wise, why he knows where his son is,
why everything.
If that's not a dropped plot point of this movie,
I don't know what the point of it is.
So I'm just going to assume that was happening off screen,
and that doesn't affect my score.
Did you hear any of that?
I was like, well, Sean talks to the other two punks
and knows them.
So they probably knew about the show.
They're probably going to go in there.
But I also think he was getting flashed.
He was talking to Bob at one point.
I'm just saying that Sean, off screen,
was getting acid flashbacks when he cracks his back.
And Bob, remember early in one of his scenes,
he goes, I talk to him sometimes.
I think that he was getting visions from Bob.
And I think that's how he knew so much about what
was going on with the kids.
That's my theory.
That's an interesting theory.
Yeah, I don't think it's a, oh yeah.
My theory is he talked to the other two punk kids,
and they told him about the show.
And Sean's like, he's hanging out with those two.
Plus, why was Sean wearing a dick-shaped hat
the whole fucking time?
It looked like his head was the ball sack,
and then it had that dumb tooth.
I didn't want to say a word, because you guys would have
told me, like, everybody in fucking Michigan
wears, everybody in Salt Lake City
wears penis hats because it's fucking cold, Andy.
You've never seen the fucking snow before?
You never put a dick hat on?
It's cold.
You've got to protect your ears and the top of your head
like a fucking penis.
You've got to do fucking dickheads all over the place.
I think mittens are more common than dick hats.
I don't know anything about the snow.
The dick-shaped hat was, every time I saw it,
I was like, why is he wearing that?
Did someone, did he knit that?
I wasn't questioning shit.
I think this whole movie is like a Nickelback cover
of a Sex Pistol.
Hold on.
Two things about that.
One, I don't know a lot of Sex Pistols songs.
That was really bold.
Two, Nickelback is a good bait.
What does that have to do with what I said?
Sounds like you're a mock at Nickelback.
But everyone turned their mouth.
I like Nickelback.
As a colloquial, everyone hates them.
But they don't do Sex Pistols.
That's my point.
Audience, say that again.
Will you like what again?
I like Nickelback.
I don't care.
That's fine.
I like Nickelback.
I got no problem with that.
You can put that out there everywhere.
Nickelback gets a bad rep for no reason.
Nickelback has some dirty fucking songs.
They have a song called Animal, or Animal.
And it's all about a dude just picking up a chick
and fucking her.
And then her dad catching him.
And then them just having to get the fuck out of there.
It's really funny.
It's great.
And it's a hard rock song.
They were trying to make everyone forget they were
Canadian with that song.
I was like, before they got famous,
the first two albums, pre-teen, I was like,
oh, Nickelback's kind of cool.
But it's just drug-filled.
One of their main songs is about a fucking trip,
or an acid trip.
Fuck yeah, I haven't even heard that.
I'm going to listen to that today.
I will say this, though.
They are Canadian.
So after every dirty song at the last chord,
they're like, no, we're sorry for cursing.
It took me way longer than I care
to admit that there's two singers,
to know that there's two singers in Nickelback.
Oh, shit.
They sound exactly the same.
So their first songs were about mushrooms, you said?
So you call them Nickelcap?
I thought you, honestly, right now,
in my mind, in that split second
before you finished your sentence, when you said,
it took me a long time to figure out,
I thought you were about to say that SLC stood
for Salt Lake City.
And that would have made me feel so happy.
But then you just gave me more information I didn't know,
made me feel like an idiot.
So I looked up what SLC stood for.
And thanks, Zach.
So Lilith, I get it, man.
He's a goth.
I love the goth thing that he goes to, the goth club.
He falls in love with the goth chick.
I get it.
And why not?
And they have that beautiful little romance.
And then he drops the ball because she says,
I worship you.
He says, we're all just passing ships in the night, baby.
We can't get attached.
OK, great.
So he goes to the goth club.
And she is fucking some dude.
She sees him.
And she just fucking starts fucking the dude harder.
So that dude, from his perspective,
he didn't know what happened.
He's just fucking her.
And everything's great.
And then something happened.
And she's just like, yeah, I'm going to fuck you harder.
And I was like, cool.
That must be the move.
And so now he's going to do that specific thing.
That one time, he's like, I wonder if I do a half thrust.
And now she's only going to get half thrust
for the rest of the sexual experience.
It's not going to last long.
But I don't think about those things when I watch these movies.
So I put, oh, yeah, I put, bro, don't drop the ball.
And then, oh, no, don't tell me.
And I might know dot, dot, dot.
I put, dude, these fucking movies.
Everyone cheats.
And is it cheating if he was playing off like, cool?
Like, oh, we're just not cheating.
No, absolutely not.
It's not cheating.
No one is cheating in either one of these movies.
But the feeling of having the love of your life betraying you
fucking someone else is tough.
He stood there and watched for a minute, though.
But maybe you shouldn't tell them
that that's what you're going to do in advance.
That's the whole point of that.
Oh, yeah, don't tell anyone you're going to fuck their.
No, they're going to cheat on them.
The guys both in both of these movies
said we have an open relate.
This is not, you know, it's open.
So if you tell someone that and then they go fuck somebody,
why are you surprised?
Yeah, that's a good point, Mike.
He's been, remember, he was Mike Lemon Party for a good month.
Mike Lemon Party Larson?
Hell, yeah.
Bring it back.
Somebody, you know, all these years,
somebody's been paying to keep that website online.
Lemon Party.
Lemonparty.org, I think it is.
Pull up Lemon Party and bring it side by side with Sigourney
Weaver Bush as a chaser.
What'd you say, Brandon?
We're almost to 99 Tangents.
Let's go.
No, fuck it.
We'll finish this thing off.
We're almost at two hours.
I got 99 Tangents, but Andy is going to make another one.
99 Tangents on the wall.
The entirety of this movie, I'm like, where is this going?
The mushroom scene is like the only thing that makes sense to me.
At least we're doing something different.
And then we get to the show and there's
a guitarist in a gimp suit and I'm like, that's it.
That's what this is all worth it for.
The punk show is pretty cool.
I liked when they were with the mom.
When the mom's like, oh, Shelly, go up and grab my whatever
from the top from my room.
She's like, got it.
I'll check Ross's room just to make sure.
And the mom's like, no, don't check Ross's room.
She's like, I'll check it, which is great.
She's such a funny little stalker.
She was probably the best part of this.
And then Sean was funny.
I liked him.
I also really liked the mod becoming a Norwegian death
metal guy.
That was great.
And having a shop and answering, kicking that one guy out,
bad ass for no reason, just to keep up the mystique
and then answering the phone like, what do you want?
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, I got you.
And it's like, yeah, it's just good.
It's funny.
They didn't bring back.
Those were the only.
Yeah, they didn't bring back Steve-O. It was just Trish.
No, Trish is a different actress.
Really?
Yeah, that was a different chick.
Sarah.
No.
No, Matthew Liller.
Sean was the one that asked the trick.
All right, he's pulling up lemonparty.org.
Here we go.
That's just as glorious as I remember.
SLC Punk, Trish is played by Annabeth Gish.
OK?
You got to type too.
I'm not going to type.
Buckaroo.
I know how to navigate with this.
There it is.
You just click through this.
And then Trish is played by Sarah Clark.
Oh, weird.
Sarah Clark.
Weird.
And this one, yeah, I knew it.
You couldn't tell?
They did the same.
I guess that's how we got.
I don't want to rank anyone by their appearance,
but I do definitely think that Trish in the second movie.
Devin Sawlip plays Sean.
Yeah, every no.
And Colson Baker, he plays Crash, though.
I was assuming that when Colson MGK Baker.
There you go, Andy.
Colson Baker.
And then I was like, oh, cool, Colson Baker.
And then I clicked him.
And it's machine.
Sold out, please.
Now I'm connecting some dots and some tangents.
Can we get some trivia?
One and two.
Different girl, different girlfriend in one and two.
Oh, yeah.
Multi-verse theory.
No trivia?
Multi-verse theory.
What'd you say?
No trivia?
I want to look at the trivia.
A little bit.
OK, let's look at some trivia.
For the second one.
Yeah, fuck it.
Everyone I asked about, I said, after Mike went off
in the chat, I asked everyone who I knew had seen us,
what did you think of the SLT punk movies?
Everyone said first one was great, second one was bad.
I disagree.
I like the Ross Chandler-Joey-Punjabi death
match as a conversation starter, which is great.
I've already played a version of that at work.
I like this.
Wait, how does that?
What's that?
Punjabi death match?
Yeah, it's like who would win in a fight?
Who would win in a Punjabi death match?
Ross, Chandler, or Joey?
So that dates back to Batista.
This is WWE stuff.
Batista and this guy, the great Khali, who is from India,
they had a Punjabi death match.
That was a real thing on WWE.
Yeah, it happened on WWE.
At the time it was in the 80s?
No, no, no, this was 2007 or 2008.
Oh, god, this is the more modern movie.
OK, so WWE, I got it.
Yeah, yeah, so that's where that came from.
But a real Punjabi death match.
No, no, that was non-existent.
Oh, that wasn't a real thing.
What's a Punjabi?
I think this movie was set right around that time
when that happened.
But I do think it's a funny way.
And now I've been like, who would win in a fight
is a more fun fuck, marry, kill, or an alternate to that.
Everyone thinks Joey, right?
Oh, fuck?
No, no.
What?
Oh.
The Punjabi death match.
Oh, uh.
How do you do your Punjabi death match?
Wait.
Sorry.
Now I guess we all know who Andy likes.
Oh, fuck, marry, kill.
Trish, Imo, Shelly, and Penny.
New Trish.
New Trish with the option of a three-way with old Trish.
Yeah.
Penny.
No, but if you kill.
No, no, no, but if you decide you have to kill,
that's the rule.
Both Trish's.
Both Trish's adds a to it.
If you kill Trish, then you're killing both Trish's.
What?
And if you're fucking Trish, you're fucking both Trish's.
So you get old Trish to start.
And then at any point, you want, what are we doing?
I'm trying to do a simple fuck, marry, kill.
Nobody can do it.
We're too many white men talking about how to distribute
women amongst ourselves.
Let's not play fuck, marry, kill.
We've made it to 101 tangents in under two hours.
Under two hours.
Broke the record.
We're setting a record.
I do look, but I do think having a, that's fun.
I just see a chick spreading her pussy in front of Andy.
And he's like, hey, what are your thoughts on the movie
Butterfly Effect?
She's just slapping, she's batting her shit around.
Well, I thought it was good.
I don't like the sequel that much.
She's like a butterfly, right?
She's using the pussy lips to respond.
And she's saying, I like the device
where they use the photos.
Are you saying like she's doing Morse code
with her pussy lips?
Is that what you're saying?
I'm talking about an alternative version
of Ace Ventura's butthole trick.
Wow.
That'd be impressive.
All right.
Back to the movie before we get more trouble.
Our episode gets an X-ray.
What are we doing?
SLC Punk and Andy get off to go to a strip club.
And Andy sees the inside of the universe.
Andy meets God.
Well, if we ever choose showgirls,
we're going to have to go back and do more research.
And we'll definitely bring Brendan this time.
Because you didn't get to go last time.
You didn't get to go last night.
So Brendan, you know what movie to choose now?
Because Andy's dying to go back.
Oh, man.
Tell his wife I have to go.
It's research.
Wait, wait, wait.
We're not there yet.
And we will not force Brendan to go to strip club.
Right.
Wink, wink.
No, we were totally kidding.
There's a line where the Norwegian death metal
guy, Shelly, she's like, thank God you're here.
There's no God, Shelly.
I was like, his anti-God thing was so fucking funny
throughout this.
Every time he had an opportunity,
anytime someone even slightly religious,
he was just on them immediately.
I feel like that would be me if I lived in Salt Lake, where
you're around that religious town.
Yeah.
It's like annoying.
I don't agree with where they just let Ross climb on the stage
and just take the mic away from the guy
and just start talking.
He would have got hit long before all that.
Yeah, he would have started getting pushed away.
For sure.
I don't even let people come near me when I'm on stage.
Like, get the fuck back.
I'm going to kick you.
I'm going to kick you if you get another foot closer.
I think Machine Gun Kelly spit on himself.
At one point after him and the girl have a fight,
she calls him Stretch outside their car
or whatever before homeboy comes in and fixes it
with a couple of taps, which I thought
was a fun little thing.
You can shit on that as you want.
It's not realistic.
But I thought it was a funny little like, he just came
and he just went, let's go.
But when Machine Gun Kelly, when Crash steps up,
he spits and the spit just wind and everything.
He just cuts.
He spit on his belly, right?
Like, we didn't see it because of the camera.
But I'm just saying, it's a goop.
And then the smoke break with heroin bomb was fucking awesome.
Oh, that's why I wrote that note.
I was like, why did I write smoke break?
Did I go take a smoke break?
You should have a fucking smoke break, don't you think?
And just so I can take the hit, just good.
Oh, yeah.
I totally thought I'd missed up there.
I was like, is he just smoking on stream?
He's just staring at me.
I'm staring at him.
I was like, I'm not even high for this.
You're having a pleasant little moment
where you're like, wait a minute.
And he's like, let's continue.
And I'm like, what did I miss?
He's like, hey, Zach, you back?
All right, cool.
Let's continue.
And then there was, oh, god, then we
have one of the hardest hitting scenes of the whole movie,
which was the girl at her dad's gas station
and punches her in the fucking face.
And she's like, fuck you.
And she breaks his car.
And then when she's leaving, you can
jerk yourself off from now on, which implies that he
was making her do it to him.
Right?
Is that what we're getting?
Yeah, very dark scene.
It weren't too specific.
Like, did he make her do it yesterday?
Like, I don't know.
I don't know where it was going, but I
was assuming he was molesting her.
Yeah, that's what it sounded like.
Which in my record book, that would
mean that Austin picked two movies with pedophiles in them,
back to back.
So like, Andy picks one where it's implied mentally
that maybe there's something going on.
But then Austin picks one where a bunch of pedophiles exist.
I can't believe you still haven't brought up Six Feet
Under rehashed.
Or show, go watch it.
You'll love it.
A lot of pedophiles.
This is Austin's rewatch.
He wants to rewatch, rehash.
And so just keep that in mind.
Zach, did you have a point to make on that?
Also, recreational recommendation
out of every Predator Catcher show ever.
Yeah, your recommendation is going to be Cuties on Netflix.
I didn't think it was so realistic.
Like, if that was truly happening and people
could discover it, she wouldn't be smiling
like that 30 minutes down the road.
Who?
The girl?
Yeah, she was truly like.
Well, I think she was pretty devastated.
And I think it took her friend some, you know,
like giving her a handful of shrooms.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's like, I think I'm falling for you.
And she's like, fuck you.
Yeah, fuck you.
I think I love you.
Fuck you.
But then I do like that moment at the club
when they're having a moment and they're vibing.
She's like, you're not a one night stand, dude.
Like, you're like falling in love with material.
And I'm not ready for that right now.
That's a mature ass response to have somebody.
And then they make out.
Well, then they make out because you're young.
And hormones rule everything.
So yeah, the Joy Division scene is cool.
And I like the breakdown of all the different punks, punk
genres, like you mentioned, where you just get like,
there's this punk, this punk, creep punk, unicorn punk,
whatever.
And I'm just like, I'm like, cool.
There's so many fucking punks.
I love it.
I would want another SLC punk in the future covering even more
with the influence of hip hop being so prevalent inside
the rock scene now.
Like, why not get that next step where we get an SLC punk
following the black punk community
and we get more hip hop culture influence?
Because like, you could totally do that.
They're out there.
They exist.
We see this when they're getting represented in that collage.
I think we could get a different spin or Latino.
We don't know.
But like they even said, there's Latino punk.
There's black punk, right?
Give us that.
Give us like a multicultural spin on what we've been shown
because all it's been is just like white goth dandies
or white punks being going to law school and shit.
I know it's suburban.
I know it's middle class.
So you said SLC punk.
You want Hawaiian Gardens punk.
No, I want SLC punk.
Well, but I want the Hawaiian Gardens.
Where's Hawaiian Gardens?
It's an LA area.
Is it mentioned in Tupac's California?
Then I would not at all think that it's popular.
Hawaiian Gardens is a riverside area.
How about Compton?
It's a mixed area in riverside.
Compton's a good better.
Yeah, Compton punk.
Compton punk.
But I like that idea.
And also, it doesn't have to follow the Bob story
or the Ross story anymore.
You could have a whole new thing with all new characters.
You don't have to follow this thing anymore.
It could just be totally different.
Give us a mix of Friday and where we get some.
Because that's what this felt like.
The first movie felt a lot like a white Friday
in the punk world.
Because it was just two dudes hanging out, talking shit,
just having fun.
Now Friday, obviously, is a more straight comedy.
And there's no fourth wall breaking, really.
And there's a lot more of that.
But there's definitely vibes that go throughout it.
And the Friday movies, as they get,
they sort of cover more ground in the culture.
And I think that's what this did.
I want a third one.
I want a third, like a multicultural, SLC punk.
So punk is dead is the second one.
How about, I don't know, punk's not black and white.
Or I don't know, punk is changing.
Or color punk, I don't know.
Punk revived.
Punk revived, yeah.
Yeah.
You know what?
There's probably a cool punk saying
that we just don't know because none of us are really punks.
That would be like a cool, like long live the SLC punk fuck
you.
Long live the SLC.
Yeah, SLC punk fuck you would be great.
Because it would be for all the haters saying,
why is there a black cast instead of white ones?
It would literally just be because fuck you.
And then that would be the answer to it.
That's a fucking awesome name.
Jesus, do we?
Fried Rice podcast, if you're listening,
we have a lot of sequels to write.
We are so good at this.
I should start sending scripts out.
I originally gave this a C plus, the same score
that I gave the original.
But after thinking about it more and more,
I'm upgrading it to a B. So I don't know the pen.
Where's my pen?
There it is.
Oh, my pen's not good enough for you?
No, it doesn't work.
Try writing right now.
Click it and write anything.
Yeah, so your pen's not good enough.
I wasn't trying to say anything.
There it goes.
You just feel a little bit.
I didn't want to fucking destroy my notebook scratching
a thousand things trying to get it to work.
He says in my pen not good enough.
It wasn't.
I was taking note.
When I was being polite, I wasn't
going to fucking call him out.
A man's pen is his livelihood.
And if it doesn't work.
Put a little circle on it and a little smiley face.
Fuck you, Andy.
Looks like it's running out of ink.
I've got a nice Pilot G207, bitch.
This is as good as pens get for the modern man.
Sharpie gel pen.
Look.
Those are a little bit out of my price range, gentlemen.
This is four pack for like four bucks.
It's too much.
Last for like almost a year.
Three bucks.
I just give.
All they last me six months.
All my pens.
I just gather pens from whatever venues we perform at.
I just like, can I have a pen?
Is there a pen I could have?
Everywhere we go, I have a heat pen, heat hotel.
I have glitch pens.
I have lighthouse lounge pens.
Look, I actually.
Look, there's girl math and then there's Andy math.
Two for three is a better deal than four for four, by the way.
So I still, I always buy more Pilot pens for no reason.
Because two for three is a good deal.
Shit load of pens that I don't need.
For those blue ones, I'd have 24, 5 bucks.
I feel like you need to give them the reveal you gave me
on Monday.
What's that?
Oh, no.
Is that it?
What's this one?
What is this?
I can't.
Are these Planet Fitness pens?
Those are Planet Fitness pens.
Yeah.
I was stealing them.
Is that a Planet Fitness pen?
It was.
You signed up just for the pen?
It's just $800 pen.
Right in you son of a bitch.
I don't want to.
Just for that cup from Fender's resort.
You know what's funny is that I got Ryan's gift bag
because he left it there.
And I just took all the weed out.
And then I took everything except for the mug.
And I brought him the mug and gave it to him
like it was a gift on his own podcast.
Oh, that's funny.
I understand, Mark.
Two for three now because you can use them for a seat.
I just sat on my pen after talking so much shit
about how good it is or talking so much goodness.
I give it a B. Solid.
I liked it better than the first one.
I just thought it was more of a movie.
And I enjoyed the acting.
And I liked that kid.
He's like somebody now.
He does things on other movies.
He has a show.
God, I wish I had this information, Mark.
One of the problems I had with this is probably watching it
back to back.
By the end of the second one, I was like, Jesus Christ.
I watched it.
Yeah.
So I rated it two expired hair dyes, which would be like a F.
It's not a good movie.
It's just a try hard movie.
All right.
Brandon?
Yeah, I definitely felt like this was more of a fan service
movie.
And it feels that way, especially
the reprising of roles and things like that,
kind of showing what happened with those characters, which
were my favorite scenes, the scenes with the original cast.
I'd probably give it a solid C minus.
C minus, OK, respectable.
F was hard.
Austin, this is your pick.
Yeah, no.
The first one was-
You kick started this.
Yeah.
You're a producer of this movie.
I want my money back.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, no, no.
It wasn't that bad.
It's just watching it back to back to the first one
was the main problem.
You know, it didn't hit as hard as the first one.
But I'm not giving it a bad grade.
I'm just going to go D or three dad hand jobs, I guess.
That's a rough grading system you had there.
But no, no, no, listen.
I know that's why you picked the movie, Austin.
Oh, yeah.
We know why you picked them.
So next week, we're doing cuties, you guys.
Yeah.
We should do it.
We had to watch this fucking-
Oh, god.
Nope.
No.
It was a movie that got-
like, everyone wanted them to take it off of Netflix.
I think they did.
It was a movie from France, and they did.
Because it featured a bunch of little girls
dancing very provocatively.
I think it was like, have you ever seen Dance Moms?
It was like a Dance Moms without the Angry Moms.
It was just a lot of dance.
And people, I think they thought it was out of the narrative.
It was a reality show.
No.
No, I just saw it.
So many fucking YouTube people talked about it.
When that thing came out-
Which I thought that would be so funny.
If anyone gives it anything higher than a W,
you're a pedophile.
If you like it, if there's anything redeeming about it,
you're a fucking pedophile.
Yeah, it's the worst movie.
That's one of the worst.
Yeah, so Zach, what'd you get this one?
Overall, it was an enjoyable movie.
I don't think it was terrible or anything.
It had an actual clear storyline.
You could follow through even if you didn't see the first one.
I liked it.
I enjoyed it.
I would give it a C.
All right, now what do you think of SLC Punk?
That was for cuties.
Wow.
So I'm just kidding.
That was a good one.
Thanks.
We know cuties is on the mind after talking about strip clubs
all day for Andy over here.
OK.
OK, listen, I wasn't even-
He loves women dancing, apparently.
Well, I liked women dancing, yes.
That was great.
I liked women dancing.
Austin's the one with the- what are we doing?
Why are we always pointing fingers?
Who's a pedophile?
Who's not?
Like, what a hurtful name for-
Please stop.
I don't want this podcast to get big,
and then everyone in the comments section
is calling me a pedophile.
I'm not.
None of us are.
But sometimes there are movie choices, and that's what sucks.
Now, this is what's the most important thing.
I went to a strip club yesterday with grown adult women.
I liked it.
I know.
They liked Andy Moore, but I liked being there.
I saw the inside of the universe.
So 42 is also the age of all the strippers, by the way.
Yeah, I like girls now.
I like girls now.
So I thought you meant like you were gay before,
and now you're into women, but you may be a girl now.
Now I'm a gay pedophile.
Now everyone in the comments is going
to call me a gay pedophile, too.
All right, now this is what's important.
For the rest of the year after this week,
we have a scheduled out amount of movies
that we are going to be reviewing.
But the final movie that's an organic choice
from one of our members is right now, and he chooses
the last movie of the year.
Anytime we do a regular movie in the future
is going to be like a predetermined rice ball,
or if anything.
Yeah, all the time.
Because hey, hey, we sick of all the Halloween.
Here's a normal movie.
Until January 2025, which is crazy to say.
But yeah, it's going to be Halloween.
It's going to be Christmas.
It's going to be a lot of specials coming up.
Always catch us on rehash if you want just some regular old us.
But yeah, so just keep an eye out on that when those come out.
And yeah, so Brendan.
So the movie I chose from 1994.
No escape.
We already did it, but I'll do it again.
It's a movie I enjoyed in my childhood.
Double Dragon.
Oh, fuck, yeah.
I'm so happy about that.
That's a shitty fucking movie, but it's so good.
Double fucking Dragon, 1994.
Starring.
I saw something on TV.
I was really hoping you would say.
What's that?
James Sienepoel's reboot.
Thought about that.
I was like, I saw it yesterday.
And today, I was like, oh, hopefully
Brendan does that one.
That's a, I mean, I will say it's one of the reboots.
Have not seen it.
The reboot's great, enjoy.
And we'll just say who's in it.
It's Robert.
So it's Double Dragon.
Who here has seen it?
I have not.
I saw it 25 years ago or something.
I was not even one years old yet.
Two brothers have half of a powerful ancient Chinese
talisman.
An evil gang leader has the other half
and determines to get the brother's half
and have a complete medallion so he
can gain absolute power.
Starring Robert Patrick T2000.
Alissa Milano.
And of course, Mark Dacascos, who played, as we all know,
John Wick chapter 3-0.
Yes, also he is a cook guy.
You got to talk louder.
He eats the onion?
The guy that eats the onion?
Oh, in the cooking show?
Not MasterChef.
What is it?
What's it called?
I know what you're talking about.
It's called Iron Chef.
Iron Chef, the American version of Iron Chef.
Dude, if I don't pull up Iron Chef on this IMDB right now,
oh, there we go.
It's there.
Thank god, bro.
That was going to be the most cancelable moment
of your lifetime, but you are right.
Look, when you said it, I was like, yeah, absolutely.
Then I was like, if I just.
But I only saw the video game, by the way, right there.
I'm being honest.
Watch.
Ethan Tales from the Crip?
An episode where?
Go up more.
Right there.
On that note, I got to head out.
Right after Double Drag?
No, take my wife.
I opened, but I'm taking my wife.
OK.
We're about done, but.
I could wait.
I mean, I think I'm just going to end it right now,
because we're over two hours.
Let's just put a can on this.
Can you do Rec Rec or no?
No Rec Rec?
I mean, yeah.
And then.
Just tell us what it is.
I shit.
I don't think I have anything.
Two things, good mythical morning.
This YouTube channel just found out
it's like the perfect wake up in the morning,
have some coffee, maybe eat something,
and just watch whatever it is.
Just the way it's set up, you watch it in a dark, dark room.
The way that they do the set, the lighting, everything,
and what they're talking about, how they're talking about it,
it's just a nice thing to wake up to.
That and just a band I discovered
called Highly Suspect.
It's like a cool.
Dude.
Hello, my name is human.
Yeah, hello, my name is human, Serotonia.
Dude, fuck.
Mom, vanity.
I was listening to it on the way here.
I just found out about them.
I'm a little late to the party.
I know people are like, oh, you're so fucking out of touch.
Yeah, I am.
And I discovered Highly Suspect, and I like it.
The music videos are cool shit, too.
Yeah, they're pretty cool.
Awesome.
Did you have a recommendation, Zach?
Andy's favorite movie, Ques.
We all heard your review.
You gave it a C.
I just saw Avatar live, not Avatar the Band.
No, the band.
They're a Swedish metal band.
OK.
We should check them out.
Are they blue?
You saw Avatar on ice or something?
Yeah, like, yeah.
Are they blue?
Yeah.
I would watch Avatar on ice.
No, Avatar the Band, the main guy dressed up like a guest.
It was actually pretty cool.
He came out in like a small box.
It was very entertaining.
Very cool.
But that guy has like a big vocal range
I've known about for years.
Do you know what else came out of a small box last night?
The secrets of the universe.
When that stripper spread her shit open.
When you're finishing watching Ques.
OK.
You can calm down.
Awesome band.
You should listen to them.
They don't get enough press.
Yeah, because every time anyone Googles Avatar,
they get a lot of shit before they get the-
You have to type in Avatar the Band for Sweden.
Yeah, sure.
I got a signed CD for them.
Oh, that's sick.
Just an example of that Good Mythical Morning
recommendation I had.
The one they just did that I watched that I was like,
this is my recommendation, was they
did a timed taste tier list of burgers.
So they went with the first burger ever made,
which just looked like a pile of meatballs.
Then they did one.
They had the year to it.
I forgot what the year was.
But it was just like a piece of bread with a sausage on it.
And then the next one was like an actual regular hamburger.
And you get a little history, so you learn a little bit too.
And then they did a smash burger from the 50s.
And then they did a Wagyu smash burger from 2024.
But then they said not 1957, I think it was.
It was like the best one, top tier.
After you've got to leave them to get some sausage bread,
they all just smash a sausage on the bread.
I like them 1903.
He's like, do I eat the sausage on top of bread
with a knife and fork?
Or can I just pick it up and squeeze it?
And he's like, no, it's knife and fork.
They weren't disgusting savages like you.
It's not a hot dog.
Mike, what's yours?
Mine is there's a movie on Netflix
came out this week called Rebel Ridge.
And it's amazing.
It's like watching, first of all, the actor that's in it.
New actor, young.
Good looking guy.
Next, Idris Elba probably, I'd say.
But the movie is a lot like Honesty reminds me
of when I watched Rambo the first time.
Is this the one about that black guy
that goes into that old town and he faces off with the sheriff?
Kind of, yeah.
And the sheriff is John Johnson who plays a bad ass bucket.
That looked pretty cool.
It's a very good movie.
It's Rambo quality.
Yeah, highly recommended.
Cool.
I don't have anything.
I just recommend that you do your due diligence
in the voting coming up.
I'm not going to tell you who to vote for or who not to vote
for, but just look at the candidates.
Do your research.
But it is important to get out there and vote.
But you also got to remember they're eating our cats.
They're eating our dogs.
They're eating our pets.
They're eating all of our pets.
They're just going to watch out for that.
They're coming for the kids next.
Stay out of Springfield.
Hide your wife.
Hide your kids.
Damn Shelbyville.
Join us next week when we cover the best cuties.
When we cover the best video game adaptation
movie of all time, Double Dragon.
I'm Andy Rice.
This has been Fried Rice Podcast with me as always.
It is Austin.
He will travel three hours to meet any cutie anywhere.
Farrell.
Check me out on G4.
It is Zach gives cutie a C for cuties.
Improv quality.
You got to say something.
All right.
He's still here, everybody.
He's holding the mic.
There's camera.
It's Mike.
He's a cutie.
Larson.
Still cellos, motherfuckers.
Lemon party, Larson.
Brennan.
Da da da.
Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
cutie up to bomb shit.
Have a good one, everybody.
Chipley.
And I'm Andy Rice.
And I don't condone that bullshit whatsoever.
Everyone have a great night.
This has been Fried Rice Podcast.
We've been podcast.
We've been fried.
We've been rice.
I'm a gummy, gummy bear.