Yo, what's up motherfuckers and welcome to a absolutely gang banging addition of fried
rice podcast. I'm the motherfucking king of this motherfucking podcast Andy Rice. Let's
get fried with me are the three bosses of the city. I got Austin. He's three hours away,
but his fucking district's huge and he'd be selling all the drugs. Farrell check me out
on mega upload. We got Mike. He takes care of the grandpas. He takes care of the old
guys. He takes care of all the, all the, uh, you get it. He's fucking old Larson. That's
cellios motherfucker. Get you fucking wet. We got a, we got our, we got our fourth boy
over here. Third boy. Uh, he runs the, he runs, uh, Boston and you want to know why?
Because he's Brennan.
Simply up to motherfucking Boston. Hello everybody. And I'm your motherfucking host. They already
said it. I'm the king of this goddamn Avenue. Let's do this. You sound like a DC villain
that's a shark. I sound like a what sound like a DC villain. That's like, I don't know.
Half shark, half man. I'm half shark, half man. Oh fuck you up Batman. Hey Brennan, can
you do a Boston accent? No, it's fucking wicked hot outside right now. Yeah. Boston gangster.
I'm from Massachusetts. I am the president. Don't shoot me in the head. I just want some
clam chowder. Too soon. Too soon. What'd you say? Or the ear. Wait, what? What'd you say?
I can't even remember what happened. Oh, or the ear. All those, all those months ago.
I couldn't understand. No, no, no. This weeks ago. We're in real life. Well here at fried
rice, we don't know how time works. We don't know how time works. Um, well everybody, welcome
to another episode of fried rice podcast. Uh, this week has been a busy one. I think
for me at least. I've had a lot of on my plate. Um, how about you guys? Anything, anything
interesting? Any updates before we get into this movie? Oh, I, uh, I spent $300 at Costco
that I really didn't need to spend. All right. Tell us what you bought. I bought a Sony sound
bar with a like separate subwoofer to go with my Sony Bravia that I just got. And I was
like, cool. I bought, got my purchase. And then I w I walk a little further. I was there
to get paper towels and toilet paper. And I, and then I saw that sound bar and I was
like, fuck, I need one of those. And then I go further and I'm like, you know what?
My office chair sucks. This lazy boy one actually looks pretty comfy because they have the little
one. You can go sit down in it. So I bought that too. You bought a lazy boy and a sound
bar for $300? That's not bad. Well, the whole total with the, the toilet paper and everything.
Yeah. So I, I, it was like 120 for the sound bar and then another 120 for the chair, but
I was comfy with based in on my new Sony Bravia. Just watching whatever your normal sized human
being. So you could probably afford just a regular chair. I have to get the, uh, mine
sucks. I sit on it. I sit on my old chair editing this fucking podcast and my ass hurts when
I'm done. So I needed that. If I smoked weed, I would have the ultimate setup to just watch
like 4k videos of the ocean or something. I mean, you could still watch 4k videos of
the ocean. What's stopping you? Uh, my inability to sit still for that long. Okay. Fair enough.
I just didn't know if there was some, I need to be doing something. Yeah. This was a shopping
week for everybody. It should have been for Brennan too. I don't know. But is it this
week you had to, I had to spend, I spent $600 this week on school clothes, supplies and
all that crap. So we're doing it next week. Yeah. School starts, school starts week after
night. Yeah. Yeah. Well, another reason not to have any children. Yes. You don't need
a school or you go to jail. Yeah. You don't need to give me more reasons not to have children.
Austin say $300 at Costco. I was like, what'd you just get groceries for two weeks? Weekly
grocery. You and some kids. Yeah. I bought like stuff to make, I make really weird food
just to like survive. It's like I need some good carbs, some veggie and some protein.
So I buy canned chicken, uh, whole wheat bread and hummus and I just make sandwiches out
of that shit, dude. Wait, where's the veg? In the hummus. It's vegetarian. Okay. I get
that hummus is healthy and I get that it's made of beans. No, no, no. I know what hummus
is, but when a motherfucker says I'm trying to get a protein, a fucking whatever, and
some veg and they say that their veg is hummus. No veg is fucking broccoli, Brussels sprouts,
lettuce, fucking, uh, spinach. Like, no, no, no, no, no. If I were, went to a fucking nutritionist,
but no, if I went to the gym and he's like, what do you eat? Well, I eat a lot of veg,
uh, veg and good carbs. What do you mean by that? Pita bread and hummus. You'd be like,
well, you fat fuck. That's not a veg. That's smushed beans. That's smushed beans. Austin.
No, it's got, it's got the red bell peppers in it. Oh yeah. You're right. I forgot. Oh,
by that, you know, I get my veg. I get my daily veg. It comes in a pouch that I put
on my ramen. Wait, can we make the clearman's veg? Clearman's clearman's clearman's sponsor
us. Let's get some clearman's hummus. So Andy will stop fucking the bottles. Roasted veg
cooked in clearman's, but actually pretty. Yeah. Yeah. You gave me an idea. We have some
broccoli at home. That might be really good. I brought, so for those highlight reels, I
brought some more props for it. Those nugs that my mom makes. He made like a boy one
and a girl one. They're adorable. I brought, I brought it out. I brought a tub of clearman's
and it's empty and Andy was like so happy. Yeah. I got so happy because I saw the, I
told him it was empty. But then my heart dropped because it was out. It was like, wasn't in
a cold container. You got to put a picture of this on that Insta. Yeah. Well, eventually
we'll get a store going. If we get enough interest on the, Hey, listen guys, go to our
Insta, check out these pictures, these adorable little nugs, this nug husband and nug wife.
And if you want one, let us know, reach out and we'll work something out. You can make
a whole family, get some nugs. I have one. I have one and I love it. Yeah. This actually
is cute. So we have this between us now. Got your children between you. Yeah. Those are
the only kids you need. I just need these little nugs, these little nug children. Although
I already said they're man and wife. So whatever. It's a, it's a weird family. What are you
going to do? Exactly. And that's a tight family. That's a tight family. I just saw this thing
on YouTube where this guy was at an anime convention and he yells out to this dude and
I don't know what they were going, but he's like English or Spanish. And then all three
of the guys on the panel freeze. And then I was like, okay. But then one of them says
like if first one to move has to watch the entire season of, I think it's called like
my little sister can't be cute or can't be this cute. And so I was like, okay. And I
look it up and it is a, this situation, this brother sister thing as a whole anime that's
just out there. There's two seasons of it on prime with crunchy roll or whatever, but
it's a brother and a sister just going at it, dating. So weird. Stephen King, right?
That does Stephen King do a lot of, we just had a discussion about the mom thing with
Stephen King. Wait, what, which mom thing? The movie we just watched a few weeks ago.
You mean in the future, all those months in the future, all those months in the future.
I guess we have to stop smoking weed and doing a podcast. I've been telling you guys for
years now that we should just do this sober and we should write notes and stuff. What
are you guys doing? It's clairvoyant. We can see the future sometime in October. I feel
like we're going to talk about Stephen King movies. Also, uh, I think some news for the
podcast is now we're going to start being more available on YouTube. Yeah, we have,
we are pushing for YouTube guys. So if you are listening to this, please go to our YouTube
subscribe, just give us a subscribe, go to our videos, just throw likes on them. You
don't have to listen to the episode again, but if you have a way to put it on your laptop,
put a playlist going and mute that shit and just let it run. Listen, I don't care if it's
artificial. Just help us out. Right? I mean like generate numbers, generate anything you
want because I mean, tell us we suck. I mean, there's a guy, there's a guy who commented
and said, stop making videos. You're embarrassing yourself. And then he gets on there's like,
thank you for the feedback. We're trying our hardest. I go real endearing with it. But
if that is you motherfucker and you're still listening, thanks. I hope you subscribe. Uh,
keep commenting. It helps our ratio. Um, also that one guy in Saudi Arabia that listens
to us. Oh yeah. That one middle Eastern dude. If it's not, if it's not a VPN, fucking with
us, then there's one just Arab dude just listening to this. He's in a mosque. No, it said he
was in a river. It was, it was right next to a river in the river itself. So if you're
that one guy in the river, maybe you're giving away middle Eastern man thing. This movie
makes me miss middle Eastern man thing. It's basically man thing. Uh, all right. Well,
speaking of movies, um, oh wait, actually, what are we smoking? Yeah. What are we smoking?
Actually,
the wrong one. Jars. It's still never been put in one. Yeah, I, it was like one or two
episodes. Maybe I pick up my mom's weed. So, uh, she usually gets like a lot. So I always
get that free eighth. So this is a grandee guava and I don't know what it is, but it's
a 24%. Fuck yeah. Let's smoke that shit. Thank you. I love it. You've shown, you've been
showing up with so much weed. Like my, I had now, I have the weed on your table is just
weed I gave you. Yeah. But I, I, I love the variety. Like, you know what it's like having
like five or six or seven different eights to choose from at any given time. Like it's
a luxury. I normally don't have, but I guess it's one of those flexes. Like, yeah, you,
you have a weed based podcast and you get the four brothers together. You know, they
should be bringing off. I mean, it's free for me. So I don't care. Like my mom gets
her weeds. Usually, usually my mom doesn't want the eighth. So I just take, I give it
here, but I get all the fucking points and I have like 2000 points saved up. I'm going
to go in there and just cash out like 10 points or whatever I can get. I know there's a limit,
probably a half ounce. Where do you go? Uh, the jars in a surprise. I like that they have
like the old nug jugs, like kind of like how it felt when it used to go to dispensary and
they've weighed out in front of you. Fuck yeah. Like with the giant. Their actual pops
open. Just listen to this, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. I mean, that's that. Just one more time.
ASMR. And then you get that nice smell. I could see the little pops on the, on the, on the,
on the. Should we, should we get, should we just do it with like three of them on our
own? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, everybody. You got one? You got one? All right. Ready?
One. That's our new ASMR minute. I got a can of Pringles. That's a better sound bite for
what are we smoking? That's great. Although my techno song is fucking godlike. So right
at the end of the techno song, we go techno song DJ Ted Cruz. And then did you bring something
Brennan? I brought a Jeter. It's a sativa. It's a Tropicalli. One gram. I've been buying,
I've been buying sativas like for our joints now. And I got for us today, grape stomper
baby Jeter cannon. Where do you get those? Jars. The one in Bullhead. I go on Fridays.
If you go on Fridays, they have buy one, get one Jeters. So I mean, it's basically two,
either two three pack cannons, baby cannons for 49 or three or sorry, or two five pack
baby Jeters for like 50 something or six, maybe like closer to 60. That one only comes
with three. This is a three. But I mean, they are what they are. They're super strong. I
gave one to my homie last night and he he just was holding everyone. You pick one of
these up and you look at that glass bucket tip with mouth thing and you're just like
immediately this is luxury. But he had a point. He had a point because regular Jeters, they
coat their shit in Keith. But cannons don't. Yeah. And I don't know why. It's because
it's resin. Still, the Keith makes it adds a little to the bits of resin. You at least
in the bigger. No, I can't. I can see it. But what I'm saying is like this should be
dipped in heat just to give that extra little maybe they should have cannon plus cannon
ultras. Cannon deluxe. Any other names for can now? OK, I was really guys just too lost
to my ASMR. Shiny cannon. Shiny cans. OK, wonderful. That was what are we smoking? Because this
again, this, you know, we don't talk about this enough, but we are a weed based podcast.
We smoke weed, most of us, you know, and we watch these movies high spot and you know
how hard it is to take notes when you're high. Yes, we are. This we should be. Yeah, we should
be getting Emmys for this. You guys aren't even like hardcore smokers or anything. I
mean, this room isn't like clouded with smoke all the time. No one's trying to be like we're
the biggest pocket stoners we know. I don't I have yet to know what a turpine is. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. We don't know the rules. All the. Yeah, that's right. Let's let's let's that's
a good point. We're casual smokers. We're not not everything has to be like when I go
to the clinic. Yeah, we're all smokers. We're from the age where it doesn't matter. We don't
need the science behind it. Just give us weed that gets us high is all science. When I started
smoking, you got to think about it. When I started smoking, it was coming straight out
of Mexico. Naturally, there was no law in that time. Yeah, there was no dispensaries.
No, Mike, there was no law. Humans hadn't created the concept yet when you started smoking.
Science wasn't a thing people would think about for hundreds, if not thousands of years.
You just finished crucifying someone and you stood in a field that caught on fire and you
were like, I like this. I feel good. Good. Yeah. So but yeah, I mean, fuck, when I used
to smoke, it was it was literally I go to my I go to Grant Grant. If you're listening,
always big shout out. You're the homie. And he would just it would just be pineapple express,
man. I go in, we'd hang out for like an hour, maybe 30 minutes, depending on what I had
to do. But I was fucking smoking weed. What did I have to do? And it was great. And he
always gave me the good shit. If you knew a guy that had the good shit. Now, I'm sure
there's people out there that got the bad shit from their dealers and don't understand
the dealers. The people that dealer was giving the bad shit to their price. Yeah. But we
are not friendly. I never got bad weed. Yeah. I bought it at high school. But it was I went
to Corona High School. But the guy bought the weed from his nickname was Norco. And
I remember he would be out like by the clock tower, throwing a football around with his
friend and be like, hey, man, I got your shit. And he just hold the football. I'd be like,
hey, football. And then I would feel the weed bag in his hand. And I felt like, oh, I'm
so fucking cool. It's like a secret handoff. Okay. That's a legit. Good. If you're in high
school selling drugs and you're listening to this podcast, I would encourage you to
just listen to what Austin told you. The football pass off. It's so good. Who's going to question
to just boys hanging out on the yard, passing a football bag, just, you know, telling beforehand
to grab the football. Just tell him like, meet me at the football field. Grab the football.
And then so it looks less obvious. Right. Because like you were there and you had to
like whisper it to you because people were probably watching. That was the one thing
that made me happy at that school was cool handoffs. I hated every moment of that school
from the moment I started there. I thought about this recently because my high school
reunion is coming up this year. You going? Yeah, I am. I'm not. I don't even know why
I was on the fence. I was for a minute, but then a few people want me to go. And so we'll
all go. But I was thinking about like, did I really hate high school as much as I thought
I did? Or is it just that the fact that you are so fucking weirdly and awkwardly going
through puberty and you have no control over who you are as a person and you're growing
into this thing that you don't understand that you don't, you're not allowed to enjoy
it? You don't have any control over anything. Unless you just. You don't have control. It's
like high school I remember it well now, but for years I hated it. And now looking back,
I realize because now being a parent I realize what my parents were trying to do. I was trying
to fuck everything up. It's just there's this. Buying garbage bags full of weed. There's
just certain moments there like when I first started that I had one elective that I could
choose and I chose computers because I mean my stepdad had just built a computer together.
So I was really interested in that. The class they put me in. First of all, the teacher
was like fucking volleyball coach. And not going to not trying to sound sexist, but also
a woman. I knew more about computers than this lady. I'm glad you started with volleyball
coach. Because Austin, I'm not even kidding you when you started your sentence, my my
teacher was a woman was the next word out of your mouth in all of our heads. Everyone
listening head if they've heard way of the gun, they know that the next words out of
your mouth for woman. Well, you know what else? Our expectations by saying volleyball
coach first volleyball coach, but you definitely fucking said it volleyball coach, a woman
and a bitch and also didn't know shit about computers. And instead of learning about computers,
I thought we were going to build them or how they work or something like that. No, just
it was just word processing. Just A S D F J K L semi just making you type that typing
class. Yeah, but it was disguised as computers. Immediately after that class went to the office
and was like, you need to change the selective. This is not a computer class. I sound like
you change the elective is not a computer class is word processing. And they wanted
to go to fucking lunch and they're like, sorry, it's too late to change. And I'm like, I should
have just, oh, I wish I could go back and what would you have picked instead? I would
any fucking anything else, Andy, any fucking thing. Anything Sue wasn't teaching anything
a volleyball Sue coaches not teaching. I'd rather take volleyball than fucking go to that
class and have her be my teacher. Hey, look in a class where you actually know what the
fuck you're talking about pitch like, oh, so mad, I could have just thrown a bigger
hissy fit and probably could have gotten my way. But I just, I let them be like, oh, it's
too late. And I was just like, oh, well, okay, I guess I'll just spend a year typing and
I'm not any better at typing.
So you had a similar experience with the exact same class computers, but it wasn't typing
for us. It ended up being make the yearbook. It was like we learned Photoshop and then
make the yearbook using a program that was basically pretty much just kind of move pictures
in the spots that they had it, you know, different, different, like different pages, you kind
of just set up and it was so lame. I was so mad that I got this was oh, what grade? That
was my junior year.
Was that a Sue Sylvester from Glee reference? That was good. But I think in order for that,
for just for next time, a note, say Sylvester after because Sue, you made me run through
every fucking Sue I've ever in my life thought about. Is it Sue Hecht from the middle? No,
she didn't have anything to do with what we just said. Is it a Mary Sue? Like just a was
it was the teacher some sort of like invincible protagonist? No. It was it. And then I was
like, wait, volleyball coach Sue Sylvester, too much work. And I'm not a stupid guy. I
mean, I'm a fucking moron, but I'm not when it comes to Brian Brennan. That's the and
I didn't even watch the show. Fair enough. Fair enough. But to the high school fucked
me over. So that's why I was smoking a bunch of weed. That was first period, too. So I
still have the rest of my fucking shitty day ahead of me. So I was smoking a lot. There
was also I had this T-shirt that I got somewhere and it was like two girls kissing and they
had big headphones on. I was like, that's dope. I want that. They made me take that
shirt off and put on some stupid shirt. And I realized I could have gone back and what
do you have against two girls kissing? And they just get on the fucking news over it.
Could you do that? I don't think that it's the two girls kissing. I bet if you had to
anybody kissing. Sure. I saw a kid with a My Chemical Romance T-shirt. Bunch of those
kids. What were they doing? They're kissing and they're covered in blood. That's fine.
It's the blood. But they see that and they're like fine. Oh, the two girls? Nah. That's
the American way. That's when I smoked. You want the blood you want but no sex. Months
from now I'm going to make a valid point to what you just said on a Halloween special
that we're going to do for classic horror. So if you're listening to these completely
out of order and the next one you listen to is that episode, I'm going to have a point
to make about what that was right there. But anyway, we're going to move on. Fuck high
school, dude. Oh, it's weird that we had a lot of electives to choose from in my high
school. We had a cool high school. I found a hack. If you did theater, you did two years
of theater, which I already wanted to do anyway, you didn't have to take a language. So I didn't
have to take any foreign language. How did you do both theater and English? Go fuck yourself,
dude. That's what your school thought of you. I failed my school. They didn't fail me. I'll
say that for fucking sure. I had a cool school and they really cared and they did a lot for
me but I fucking failed them so badly. I gave the least, I gave negative effort. Deadpool
gives maximum effort. I gave whatever the opposite of is. I spent more time in ISS,
which is in school suspension, than I did in my actual regular school, I think for my
sophomore year of high school. I was such a fucking just dickhead. My ISS teacher was
a pretty Mason. My ISS. Everyone made theories about him. Like he's killed people. Like it
was just, there was just this ongoing thing. And one day I just drew a picture of this
guy because he would just say no to people all the time. Like anyone would try to, he
would just say no. So I drew a picture. He's kind of like a big guy with white hair, weird
glasses, kind of chubby. So I just drew a picture of him in ISS with a speech bubble
that said no and he hung it up on his fucking head. That's cool. We had a rotating group
of ISS teachers. They each covered a section of ISS. I think they just rotate. If you had
a period off, you're the ISS person for that. Whatever. And the hack for ISS, if you're
listening kids, is if you like reading, here's the hack. Just read a book. And if they say
anything, you just say I'm working on a book report. And then you'll get even further behind
in your homework, which gives you even more ISS. So that's the hack of spending all your
high school and fucking ISS.
No books about like any kind of particular skill or anything. That's what I feel. I'm
reading a bunch. I'm basically just watching movies that I have to read and I'm not reading
anything that teaches me anything. Like I should just read a book on woodworking or
anything.
No, you should watch a YouTube video on woodworking. You should read a book on like the study of
something. I feel like to learn a practical skill, you should watch someone doing a practical
skill or find someone that could teach you a practical skill. Like you really want to
know woodworking, ask someone who knows woodworking that you don't.
I was too busy practicing cool weed handoffs in school to think about that for ISS.
Oh, I guess we're still talking about this.
I would like to apologize.
This isn't Butterfly.
I apologize to you guys for ISS.
Okay, thank you. I take, wait, before you finish.
I take full blame for ISS.
Just go back, just go back one sentence and just say, I want to apologize to you guys.
I did. I apologize to you guys for ISS.
Stop. No, no, no, no, no. I don't want the rest of it. Just say I apologize to you guys.
To say it, please.
I apologize to you guys.
Thank you so much, Mike. It means a lot. This has been a year of just, I don't know why
you've been so antagonistic. I don't know why you've made this so difficult for us,
but thank you. That does mean a lot. It's taken weight off my shoulders. Thank you so
much, Mike.
Now, to finish my point, I apologize for ISS because I feel like we created ISS. My generation
created ISS because we used to not have ISS. We didn't have ISS before.
Yeah, you had to stay in ISS for seven Roman numerals.
No, we just, they sent us, we just had S. They just suspended us. So we used to do it
on purpose. We'd get kicked out because you got the week off. So they figured that out
after a few years of that. I spent more time just not in school, just smoking down at the
river. We'd just get in trouble on purpose because you didn't get anything but sent home.
What would you do? What was the smallest infraction you would try to do intentionally to get it?
We used to smoke behind the building. We knew when they were going on break, we'd just go
back there and smoke weed right in the fucking back of the building.
Yeah, they were like stage a fight.
And they'd come walking around the corner going, we knew you were going to be out here.
And we're like, we know.
What are you going to do about it?
Suspend me? Well, yes, we are.
We're going to go fishing down by the river. I have a friend that I take this fish and
turn it into a bunch of fish. You can feed a whole bunch of people. Because again, ancient
times is when you went to school, you old fuck. I just want to keep hammering it. You
are the oldest person in this room by far. You will die before any of us.
Absolutely.
We will outlive you, Mike. But we're going to make an AI Mike too.
We are. I'm going to take all this footage. It's basically AI.
This movie makes me miss me.
I did not like this movie.
That's coming.
I want to apologize. I give you too much of an accent, but I do hear it when you talk
sometimes. I get the twang.
It's still there. You can't get rid of it.
Yeah.
I feel like your mic impression is like someone else.
They're a little close. Yeah. I don't want to name that person just in case they listen.
The movie we watched this week is King of the Avenue. 2010 starring Ving Rhames and
I didn't even write down his real name. It's Dirt Nasty from the Mickey Avalon song, My
Dick.
Did you guys all figure that out when you looked it up?
No, we did not until just now.
I associate him with Scary Movie.
But do you remember the song My Dick?
I do remember the song.
He's one of the three of them.
I did not know that.
Just now.
He's the one that says My Dicks. He goes, your dicks got the HIV. My Dick or whatever
it is. But he's very funny in that video. I watched the whole thing. The whole music
video. Very good.
This is a strange role for him.
Maybe I think he did good. But. OK. All right. Well, all right. You guys are going to from
the impressions I got when we started this, I think we're going to have a bit of a different
opinion. This might be my favorite movie we've done for the podcast. I what? Like Battlefield
Earth because it was so funny.
I'm giving away that I'm going to give this away just because just so we can get into
this. But my last note on here is I made a deal with the devil so that we can change
our rating system to include an A one time so I can give this an A plus. And that's what
I gave it as a rating. And I will tell you every fucking reason why as we go on. But
the reason you guys think this is shit, I don't understand why. If you think it's the
audio. Sure. This thing sounded like they recorded it in a bathtub underwater. Other
than that, and the editing is shit and the acting is OK. Editing. Look, it's so. Yeah.
OK. So just cliche after cliche. And it's it's wooden and. No. So headless, creepy statues
is how we start, which is how I want every movie to start. That's a great tone. It's
a it's a the music. So the music is actually banging in the sun like not. It's like a peaceful
like orchestra. But it sets a wonderful. So it's really good music for a graveyard scene.
It's all like local bands. What the soundtrack sounds like. I'd never heard this song ever
in my life. I love this soundtrack. Nineteen seventy nine. Literally, my second note is,
damn, this soundtrack is dope. Speaking of dope as they're packaging up drugs, which
I love a movie's opening titles. We know this when it explains what the fucking movie is
going to be. Mack and me gives us a spaceship flying through space. Steel is steel being
made. The fucking King of the Avenue is just drugs being packed in the 70s. Fucking love
it. See that guy's fake wig in it. I could not stop focusing on that guy's wig. Which
guy are we talking about? The Puerto Rican guy that gets killed? No, no, no. His thing
reigns his friend that's still like and then it goes to the future and he just doesn't
have the wig anymore. Scooter Scooterpie. Yeah. See, you know, I like it when I know their
names. But so I put OK, so the Puerto Rican guy talking about Puerto Rico has the same
hairstyle as my Red Dead to character. It's fucking mustachio. I literally picked that
style earlier this week as I was playing and he looks just like him. And then that was
a creepy dream where the mommy needs to take her medicine. Like that got me. Like that
was like, holy fuck. OK, creepy. So this I guess we're just going into it like you're
like you're the uses this gun for the pep talk. That was very, very 70s, I guess. I
don't know. But sure, you got a pep talk with a gun a couple of times. Yeah, the bedtime
story was great. So if you're just if you if you haven't watched this at home, it's
a flashback. Well, I guess it's not a flashback, but it just starts in the 70s. You see Ving
Rames. He's a drug dealer. He's the king of the avenue. He's the guy that runs all
the dope in the area. He's got some generals that are like working with him, right? You
know, not like army generals, but his generals. And he he has a young son who's very white
and they don't address that his dad did his dad is his dad a different person? Yeah. Well,
they say well, they don't really. Yeah, he mentions it. He was somebody. I think somebody
being killed in it. Yeah. Ving Rames was paying and his mom and then she overdosed and died.
And then he adopted. Got it. OK, that was a little unclear. They talked about it. Well,
I know he mentions a few times that Ving Rames stepped up as his dad. I know that. Well,
he has a he has a line very specifically where he says like after my mother died, like it
was hard for you know that he had to fight because they didn't want a black man to adopt.
That's right. I forgot about that line. I didn't write down a note about that, but you're
absolutely right. So Ving Rames adopted this kid, like legally adopted this kid being a
drug dealer. He then the boy, young, young dirt nasty. He is in the he's in his bed and
he asks his dad, Dad, you kill people? And he goes, oh, no, because he got into an argument
with a kid at school and one of the other kids is like, your dad's going to kill your
his dad's going to kill your dad, bro. And he's like, Susan, do you kill people? He's
like, I'm not going to kill someone over you and a kid getting into an argument at school.
But if somebody hurt you real bad or someone that I know. Yeah, I'll kill him. And he shows
him the gun. I'm like, that put chills in my fucking veins. And I've seen. Here's the
thing. The opening was good. OK, up to that point. No, I think it keeps pretty good. I
think it keeps. But that's three minutes in. I think the concept and everything was great.
All of it was great. I just like the execution of the court. I think this was a pretty sure
film rise doesn't exist anymore. Check me out on film rise. But the guy who directed
it was I think is like one of his first movies. And he's he's like straight out of confidence.
I looked it up. Who made this? I tried to find facts about the movie. Can't find anything.
I could find the entire movie on YouTube. Yeah. I think he did the movie straight out
of Compton. Oh, no, it was a different straight out of Compton. It's not the good one. It
was like to that it was not straight out of Compton. No, it was. Yeah. Well, this movie
didn't get a Ryan Combs. He made straight out straight out of Compton is what he did.
He also did a dark comedy called I Accidentally Domed Your Son. He did a movie called The
Hit. The Animal. Animal Two looks all right. Caged Animal, which is also a Ving Reign movie,
is not a sequel to Animal Two. It's weird. I looked that up. Animal. Animal Two. Ving
Reign plays a guy named Animal. Caged Animal. Ving Reign plays a guy named like Bishop or
something. And then he's going to do a movie called Strained on Death Row. That's coming
up maybe. So. We get out of the baby about like this game. We're going to decide the
fate of that. So Ving Reigns is the dad. I thought that was cool because I didn't know
anything about this going in. Oh, yeah. I put hell yeah. Badass dad Mufasa speech because
he does say one day all this will be yours. Oh, and then we get all fucking intense. You're
the rat scene because the guy goes adjust the TV over there. It gets static as he goes
forward. Take a step back. No, what are you talking about? No, take a step back. The guy
steps away from the TV. It clears up. He steps forward. They fucking know there's a wire.
He closes it up around him. You know, like like tells him like say everything's all right.
So fucking like on the edge of your seat, like adrenaline started out great. This is
the movie I wanted to see. Yeah. While he's still a little kid, I wanted to see him grow
up through that life. And instead we get a time. And then I put fuck. Yeah. Kill that
rat bitch. I love this movie. I fucking love that. I killed that. That's where we all
were. And then I said my note for that scene when they when they killed him was like, could
this leave the kid at home for the execution? Oh, he had to bring it with him. He'll trip.
Yeah, he had to. That's what I'm saying. That would have been a good movie. And he'd gone
through and taught him all this stuff and made him the king. Yeah. Time goes by. That
would have been great. I mean, yeah, that would have been a different movie, but it
wouldn't be. It would have been a good movie. Why don't we five out of five? Let's A plus.
Let's make that take it from after he kills that guy and we'll just act it will act like
the childhood's life. We have access to a few children. We can you can be Ving Rhames.
Oh, I don't feel comfortable. I don't have the muscle. I don't have the muscles to play
Ving Rhames. I'll put it there. Too many hard, hard R N words. There are. That was one of
my complaints. I did write that down at one point. So it cuts to present day. And he says
my dad was 38 when he died. I was like, in what world is Ving's raves in any of these
flashbacks? 38 years old, one year older than I am right now. And being Rames looks like
he could be my dad in the movie. Are you fucking kidding? Like right now, being Rames in that
movie could be my dad. And I wouldn't question it once. He is 60. But OK, 38. He dies. And
then it cuts to I think his name is what's his name? Ryan? No, whatever his name is dirt
nasty. It cuts to him all grown up. He's living the fucking light. He's got the suburb. He
plays it smart. He's got the suburban hot wife. He's got a son, whatever. Good at basketball.
He's got a hot mistress. He's got a dope house, like literally a dope house. Dope house, dope
chick is what I said. And I said, what the fuck, Greta? What was his neighbor's deal?
I thought she was maybe like a cop. That's what I thought, too. But I think now by the
end, just no, just someone who's into him. Like she wanted him. That's what I thought
attracted to him. Maybe I love the line. Take the racist money first. Like I thought that
was great when he's explaining how he does. He's like, yeah, I work with white supremacists,
whatever. My dad found out he just say, yeah, take their money first. Back to his mistress,
though. Yeah. Everyone except for his hot suburban wife. All the chicks just look, they
just have a drugged out face. Yeah. Looking like that's intentional. That's realistic.
Yeah. And then also when he goes to visit his dad's grave, he does this weird like and
like rubs like kisses his finger and rubs the tombstone. I can understand like a kiss
and then tap it, but he just like get it in there. Like, oh, you know, that's an extra
step of commitment. He loves his daddy. Oh, another thing about his mistress was I kind
of felt for Mike over here because he he goes to see his mistress and she starts taking
her clothes off and it's like panning down and then it just completely skips the ass
and then goes to it around her ankles and she walks away like you ass hiding bitch.
You ass hiding bitch. That's a new one. Yeah, no, I didn't even think about that until right
now. But yet the devil's women's all look fucking drugged out. His chick looks drugged
out because she would be if she's the one that knows he's the drug dealer. She has access
to drugs. Then she's going to be doing drugs at the house with him. Yeah, I know he says
no drugs. He never does deals at the house, whatever. But like that doesn't mean she's
not shooting up in the fucking when he's not around. Like she's just her job is to occupy
that home and fuck him. So like what else is there to do but drugs? Fuck me. So, uh,
okay. They've said the word king of the avenue too many fucking times by this point. I will
give you that. They really hammer in how important it is to be king of the avenue and I hate
that it's called king of the avenue, which was like something else. Just like king, just
like your king or whatever. But even that. Big Rames is my dad. Big Rames is my daddy
and I love him. So the extreme close up on Dukie or whatever his name is, Doopey, the
act, the king of the avenue until he isn't, but the current king, the one, the son of
the Puerto Rican guy that got murdered. What an extreme close up they put up on that guy's
face. I like the directing choice. It felt weird and up in your face. The audio mixing
is awful. Now I'm willing to believe it will get into the fact that he makes a deal with
the devil. I'm willing to believe he makes a deal with the devil. I'm willing to believe
that you can resurrect your dead father and put a demon inside of it and have that dead
father then go make you a drug empire kingpin. I'm willing to believe all of that actually
happening. All the boot. But what I am not willing to believe is that this motherfucker
sits down after having a long day, picks up a wired PlayStation 2 controller, doesn't
hit a single start button and just starts playing the game. There is not a fucking world
in which there was just a PS2 running while this bitch was just doing whatever she was
doing. The only explanation I could think of is this bitch was in the middle of Spyro,
the dragon or tomb Raider or some shit. Pause the game. Didn't get a chance to pause the
game because he walked in, she's playing on mute because we don't hear a fucking thing
from the TV. He says, I need some fucking space. She goes, all right. And then he just
picks up and starts playing mid level Tomb Raider. And if that's the case, that's the
worst directing decision this entire fucking movie. Say what you will, it's the only thing
that made me possibly grade it lower than I actually did, but I forgave it because of
the fact that Charlie's Angels got away with two player Final Fantasy 8 and nobody blinked
the fucking eye. And I think that was more of atrocious, but we don't need to get into
that right now. That was a long note I wrote. Yeah, I kind of thought the same about that
scene though with him picking up, like I had a really hard day. I just want to relax. Just
got a flushed shit on my mind. Exactly. If you watch it, he just picks the controller
up and plays. Oh God, that's a bad... Also, every time he falls asleep, he just lays his
head down and he plops on his bed every time. Yeah, I like that though, the exhaustion.
I think that's the devil working on it. The devil? Well, before the devil he was sleeping
like that. No, I think the devil was working this whole time. The devil had plans from
the get go. We didn't see him working, but everything is the devil's machinations. I
feel like we watched a different movie all the time because I did not feel like at the
end of this movie, now through the movie I kind of did, but at the end I felt like the
devil was working. There was no devil. Why? There was no dad. It was all him. It was all
him. So you think he's just an insane person? He's just insane. No, I disagree. The drugs
have made him insane and the power. I don't think he's a big drug user. He wasn't doing
a lot of drugs throughout it. He was smoking. No, I think he made a deal with the devil.
I think we take this at face value, except for that PlayStation thing. So then we get
introduced to one of the devil's bitches and I was like, who's this bitch? Because she's
just in his house. I was like, whoa, what is this? And then he turns the corner and
he meets the devil. The gay porno devil. That's what I wrote to him. Is he in gay porn? It
just looks like a gay porno set. Oh, okay. With the terrible flame sounds in the background.
Legit Austin right now and I wasn't going to question you for this, but I thought you
knew him from gay porn. Oh, I thought you instantly recognized this actor. I thought
you saw him. You're like, oh, well, that's Enrico Enrico suave. Grande suave. Yeah, that's
a big bubble, dude. You don't know. So we meet the devil and he's surrounded by a harem
of drugged up women who are constantly touching him. And I think that's a really cool. Listen,
wait, not just that, but just random dudes, just random dudes behind him just walking
around. Yeah. Like zombies. Yeah. Okay. Listen, real quick. If we, if this movie had a bigger
budget and like a better, let's say visual department when it came to this kind of stuff,
what he was going for is pretty fucking cool. I like that it's a devil in a suit being very
calm, casual, like no fucking theatrics. And he's just surrounded by drugged up souls and
like fucked up zombies in the back. I think it's cool in the middle of his living room.
I liked it. I was fully, I'll tell you this, I watched this movie at one X speed, the whole
fucking thing and loved it. I watched this at one. I slowed it down. It was at 1.5. I
put it to the editing and the audio. I turned on subtitles. Just, I was like, right. Yeah.
And like, even those were bad. Yeah. The way, way off the sub title. Which is fine. Well,
that's not fine, but that's, I'm sorry for the, well, the, the power with the devil that
I liked was I liked when he was like, what do you want my soul? And he's like, I got
plenty. Yeah. I wrote that down too. I've got plenty. We get thousands a day and plus
the billions that are already down here. But what I love is like, he's like, well, I don't
want to do this anymore. It's like, oh, you think you crossed the line? How do you know
when you've crossed the line? How do you know when it's too late for us? Well, call me conservative.
But when I appear in your living room as a rule, you could probably assume you've crossed
that line. I'm like, fuck yeah. Devil dude. That's a bad ass. That's honestly top tier,
top five portrayals of the devil in movies that I've seen so far. So understated, so
fucking cool. I would sell my soul to this dude. He doesn't want it. He just wants to
give me what I want. I believe him. And I, I'm dude, I'm this guy. I'm dirt nasty. I'm
like to save my family. Yeah. I trust you. The devil let's do this. And he wasn't a predicament.
He didn't willingly accept a deal with the devil. That's what kind of makes this like
even better because it's one thing of a drug dealer willingly calls up the conjures, the
devil to make a deal with them. That would have been fucking retarded. This is a, the
devil approaches him when he's at his absolute most desperate situation. His family's on
the fucking line. His girlfriend's on the fucking line. It's entire empire's on the
fucking line. And the devil offers them, Hey, I'll fix everything. And I don't want anything
in return other than for you to just keep doing you like that's too good of a fucking
offer to refuse. Like that is powerful. What a powerful performance. Love the devil. What
that is a straight Southern black church. Honest to God. That's that when I watched this, that's
the feeling I got. What do you mean by that? Like it's the lesson you get about what the
devil is in Southern black church when the devil approaches you. That's, that's the way
they type Southern Baptist black church is like where I went to church when I was a kid.
That's what they taught you. He doesn't come for you and offer you, he comes at your moments
of weakness, not your moments of strength. Yeah. And I think they're looking for a way
in. They played it pretty well. They played it like that. Yeah. It was a desperate situation.
So I put, Oh, then he, uh, so he has an offer on the table. He goes, the devil says, Oh,
it's up to you. You meet me at the graveyard where your dad died midnight tomorrow and
we've got a deal. And then that day a jogger menacing jogger walks by checking out the
dope house, makes eye contact with dirt nasty. And then he, uh, he gets the, it gets suspicious.
Right? So he, uh, Taz, his name is Taz. I keep forgetting Taz. He sees Taz and Taz,
uh, later his wife opens the door. This guy's got a fucking shotgun pointed at her head.
And then immediately the back of his, like the front of his fucking forehead blows out
because, uh, Cal is homey, his best homey who's a homey, ride or die throughout this
whole thing. Cal did nothing wrong. Cal's father was a homey the whole time. Scooter
pie. Um, like they were, they were loyal. Uh, so, uh, he shoots his dude in the back
of the head. They clean up the body. The neighbor runs over, sees all the blood. I didn't see
nothing. I didn't see nothing. And he's going to come into play later in such a cool way,
which I love. Uh, but I love that. So why is Ving's casket above ground? He didn't have
to dig. He literally brought a crowbar, didn't bring a shovel. He brought a crowbar and popped
it open. Is this New Orleans? They bury above ground, don't they? Yeah, they do. Uh, I
don't know. They talk about voodoo. Maybe it is. They're in Florida. More to your mouth.
Yeah. Nice guys. More to your mouth. Might be the same reason. Florida might be the same
reason. Everybody, maybe they do their thing. Okay. Oh. I don't know. Above ground. The
same swapping. I'm sure. I'm sure. Oh yeah. They did say swamp a couple of times too.
Uh, it doesn't even have information. So, oh wait, uh, trivia or nothing. Yeah. It doesn't
really, there's not a lot on this. Yeah. It's okay. I'd say it wasn't even available on
a, well, it just like it was on peacock. Yeah. I watched it on prime. So they killed that.
So, so Ving Rhames comes, he is a demon and he's fucking awesome. This was a role Ving
Rhames was born to play, was resurrected fucking Taz's dad. He's so fucking cool with this
dumbest name for a demon I've ever heard. Call me Deja. No. Deja who? Fuck you bitch.
Like no, I did a lot like that name. Uh, fucking awesome demon. Uh, we have the most stereotypical
gang meeting of all time. All the heads of the family meet. You have the black, the Italian,
the I guess white, the Puerto Rican deal with the Mexicans. Yeah. They're all about to,
and they're like, you can't put a hit out on one of the bosses unless you get approval
from all the bosses. Right. And this scene, okay, this is one of the best scenes of the
movie. It's they all, so they all, uh, the, the king of the avenues, like I want this
guy fucking dead. He tried to go somewhere else, you know, to get, get his drugs. He
has to buy it from me. That's the rules. Uh, the other, there's like three dudes that are
like, you know, going like, Hey, I don't think we should kill them. You know, like we should
talk about this. And then the king of the avenue goes, let's take a vote. And everybody
raises it's like, who wants them alive? The three guys do the black guy, the Italian guy
and the white guy raised their hands. Cause I guess they're homies. And then, uh, they
put their hands down. Who wants them? Uh, then who wants to put the hit out? Everyone else does.
And then fucking bullets start flying. Re Ving rings has a goddamn AK 47 and he kills
everyone that raised their hands for the death hit for the fucking assassination hit. And
he goes, who said your vote doesn't count? And I'm like, fuck yeah. Fuck. Yeah. That is what
I'm talking about, dude. That's how you fucking clear a room full of goons and then have a
fucking bad-ass one-liner. I fucking love this movie. I fucking love this movie. I put it right
after that. I was like, fuck yes. Best movie. God damn ever. Holy shit voting scene. I fucking
love it. I like when he makes them say, I'm a bitch ass, I'm a bitch ass. And I say, I'm a
bitch ass inward. And he said it with an a and the guy's like, I'm a bitch ass inward. And he said
it with a hard R and I was like, he didn't ask for that. Uh, but he, uh, and then overnight Ving
Reims kills 28 fucking people. I'm like, yes. So the next one of them is the fucking, it looks
like a Batista from Dexter. You see the one guy laying on the floor in the bathroom. Oh, dokes?
No, which one's Batista? Batista is the guy with the, the fedora. Oh yeah. There's one guy like,
is that Batista? The actor? It'd have been, uh, this was 2010. We need you to play a dead guy
for three seconds. And then, uh, he put, uh, oh, so then the next day the cops show up at Taz's
house, Taz's dope house, cause he tells his wife, he needs to go out of town. He has a perfect alibi
with her. He tells her that he's an East coast rep for a West coast sales company. So there's nowhere
for him to go. And so, uh, he tells her, I have to go back. I have to go to the West coast when he
just goes to his dope house. He's so fucking smart. Like he's got this double light, fucking perfect.
And I respect the game and the player. Uh, and so the cops are like, where were you last night?
There's a fucking shit load of dead bodies. We know you're a drug dealer. Like what's up. And
the neighbor comes over, I'll tell you where he was that he wouldn't turn his music down. I had to
come over like three times and tell him to turn it off. And the cops are like, well, fuck. And then
they leave. And the guy turns and looks at him and says, please don't, uh, please don't kill me.
Please don't kill my family or whatever. Like I did what you asked. This is where I should have
known that he was the same guy. And I'll tell you why, because being Reims was right by the door.
And there's no way that the cops wouldn't have seen him holding that gun. Right. And when the
guy, the neighbor doesn't look at being Reims, looks directly at him at Taz and says, I did
what you asked. That's a fucking hint that if you want a mystery and a way to solve it, a good
mystery, you should be able to solve before the end due to the clues. If you're like smart enough
to do it. I didn't catch it this time around that. And all these people were, a lot of these people
were alive when his dad was the king of the avenue. They would have recognized him. Yeah.
Taz kind of a bad friend. Didn't tell his best friend who's like super loyal. Like, so I made
a deal with the devil. My dad's back, but he's a demon and he killed everybody. Yeah. Um, that's
true though. I didn't even think about it. I did think like, well, no, because I don't think the
younger drug lord guys, the new bosses knew his dad because scooter pie would be the only one
because, uh, being Reims died when, when, uh, homie was, when Taz was a kid. Yeah. But those
are lower that that would be the lower through. They all know each day. Yeah. I understand that,
but they wouldn't know what he looks like. They would have an idea. They would know what I'm
saying is for the, for the three bosses that remain from the, your vote, who says your vote
doesn't get, holy shit. Now that I'm thinking about that scene from the actual, what really
happened. Well, they show it in the flashback. I mean, they show like a, him standing there or
whatever, but like, they don't, but like, from their perspective, I never even thought about
what everything they were going through. There's a moment where at the end, where the, the black
gang leader guy, he, the drug dealer guy, he comes over and he's scared because the other guys have
died. He's like, just put a bullet in my head, man. It's easier than what you've done. Like
then what you've done to these dudes. He's like, what are you talking about? Cause he, he doesn't
know yet, but okay. But we'll get there. Reims tells him when he kills all the boss, he says,
now here Taz is the new king of the avenue. He doesn't say I'm the new king of the avenue.
So like, yeah, it's always him. Yeah.
Yeah. There's some, some plotholes in this guy's first movie. There's a few plotholes.
I like it when he goes to the meeting with the main guy, Hefe or whatever. And he's just like,
being Reims touches his shoulder and makes him say other shit and
fucking chicken taco eating motherfuckers. Would you say fucking bologna sandwich eating
motherfucker? I guess we all going to be some chicken taco eating. That line was funny.
You'll be having chicken tacos. Did you step over the cord to hand that to him? Okay.
Yeah. Where were we? His friend with the kid and play here. Oh, cow.
He didn't play here. He was fucking two chicks. That was pretty cool.
Oh yeah. That's where I wrote 44 minutes, 20 seconds. That's where I, yeah, Michael.
What's with this kid's accent? This kid's got a fucking accent. All of the accents in this movie
were bad. They were all bad. No, but the kids got like a foreign from another country accent.
And I beat, I won the basketball game and you were like, where did you come from? Hello, papa.
Maybe, maybe, maybe that's the twist is that his wife cheated on him and found out his son
wasn't his. What the dude fucked, fucked her so hard. The kid came out with an accent.
I don't think that's how it worked. Literally nature versus nurture one, like nature fucking.
You're always on the west coast for your east coast company. Yeah. The kid was just thrown in
front of like Peppa Pig, like a weird version of Peppa Pig. Why do you think he's so good at
basketball when he doesn't have his dad around? That was not a racist joke. Anyone could teach
a kid to play basketball. I'm just going to let that hang there. Oh, so he gets in his car. He's
like, I want to listen to some white boy music. Hip hop's dead. I'm like, hot take, hot take dude.
Dude. But okay. You're literally dirt nasty saying hip hop's dead. Yeah. He's got a huge,
I don't know if he had to hit up by then. He probably did. But then I was the whole time,
I'm thinking Cal better not betray Taz. He's not giving me any indication that he would.
Like they seem pretty rock solid, but I was kind of getting the vibe that the movie was sort of
pushing sort of the narrative that he might betray him. But we find out that he didn't. Okay.
Then we meet the most intimidating motherfucker I've ever seen on camera. That black dude that
bumps into Cal and stops him and gives him immediate up in your face shit covered in fucking
tats, head to toe, shirtless. And he goes, they call me homicide. And I'm like, dude, I would never
fuck with this guy. This guy, this guy, everything about this guy scares me, dude. He's like, he's
intimidating, dude. He gives off that fucking dangerous attitude. Actors been in nothing else.
He's been like two other things. I'm like, why? Why not use him to scare everybody all the time?
He's so good. He's also got bars on his teeth. He's like, I ain't bragging. I'm a fucking dragon.
You don't want to fuck with me. Got my nine in this bitch. And they're about to feel it.
And we're fury. Is that a real song or did he make that up? I think that's just him. Like, bro,
if he made that up, why is that not? This is classified. You just did a great job with that,
by the way. This is classified as a trap movie. And it's funny that they have this guy who's got
bars. I think he probably improvised that or maybe he was a rapper himself. Maybe that's why he's not
in so much stuff. No, I looked him up Google, but that party that they're at, he does the big
speech and then they party. And then it just like cuts to like B roll footage from someone's rap
video. It's just, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I said, I hate this dancing fourth wall break that they do
in the middle of the fucking movie. Okay. Yeah. There's a point where there's a party going on.
We meet homicide, shit gets tense. And then, um, to, as a segue to, I guess, signify time passing,
they decided to do a music video for a 2000s rap music, rap artists, where they straight up look
into the camera's soul as they're dancing. And when I say they, it's not a bunch of chicks dancing.
It's like a chick dancing with two dudes on each side of her, just kind of like, just sort of rap,
rap movement as they're staring at the cameras. So uncomfortable. The audio wasn't great. So I
couldn't tell if they were actually rapping. That's why I said it's like B roll footage
from someone's rap video. Yeah. Not great. Uh, then that's the homicide walking back to his car.
After he breaks a bottle over. Oh yeah. Cal does break a bottle over. That was fucking awesome,
dude. He smacked, smashes the bottle. And then the guy, the, the, the black drug dealer guy who
homicide was with that's his boy. He comes up and starts kicking the shit out of him. Like who,
who the fuck, you know, like why the fuck you messing with this shit? Like, and I love that,
dude. I love that he immediately had the Kings back. That's a good general, man. He gets,
you'll stop on his own homey to protect the King. Right? Like that's, that's what it's about.
I want you guys to remember that when I'm the fucking King, maybe this movie is so important
because I I'm trying to demonstrate to you guys what fucking loyalty is and what I need from you
guys moving forward. Listen, this movie's fucking changed me. All right. This is no longer fried
rice podcast. We smoke weed and blah, blah, blah. No, no, we push drugs now. Yeah. You want drugs.
You find us. We've got the hard shit. I know heroin production. I got a bunch of chicks in
bikinis. So, you know, they're not stealing and so warehouse somewhere. Well, we, we record these on
Friday. So I don't want to be here when you get rated for saying that also like how they kill that
guy. Put a bag over his head and then stab him in the fucking face. No, I put plastic bag over the
head. Oh, nice. They're poking holes for air. Just satire and comedy, satire and comedy. No,
but honestly, I don't think it's okay. I don't get satire from this. I think this was an honest
effort. This podcast is satire. Oh yeah. Oh, I got you. You don't go to jail. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Damn it, Cal. Why'd you do that? He was a bitch. This is so not convincing. He was a bitch. He was
a bitch. And then it's like, we'll take care of the body. Go put in the smoke. Man. It's like,
just like a thing they got to do. I fucking love it. So then it cuts into the two generals, the
two white guys, if you, well, white and Italian. Now that's a debate for another time. I don't
think it is. I think that it's all Caucasian, but I know that Italians for a long time weren't
considered white. I know when they came to this country, Irish and Italian were treated like
second-class citizens, which is so crazy to me because the world we live in now where it just
seems like, oh, you're Italian, Irish, you're German. Like who gives a shit? It's like, you're
just a Caucasian white person. If you are, like you care about skin color at all. I just listened
to George Carlin. Yeah. He was just talking about like, yeah, we need less labels, right? Like less,
like it's good to have an identity, but the more labels we put on things. George Wallace said that
was because they were going to get outnumbered otherwise. That whites, eventually, if they kept
every group as a minority, they would become outnumbered. They had to bring in other semi-white
groups to them. Otherwise, if you really break it down, there's not that many white people.
You start taking out the Italians, start taking out the Irish, start taking out, it becomes way
bigger than the white people back then. Wallace, Wallace Shawn once said, inconceivable. I believe
Mike, he was there. Wallace and Gromit once said, I don't know what they say, but it's clay. So I'm
assuming. You don't know who George Wallace is. William Wallace said, freedom. Yeah, I was about
to do a William Wallace. Thanks, Brendan. Thank you. I don't, I know who Marcel is.
I knew George Wallace was. Oh God, I was trying to think of a Marcel Wallace quote too. That was
the fourth one. I love you guys. For those who don't know, George Wallace was a black comedian in
the sixties and seventies. No, I think I do know who he is. I was just giving you a hard time.
Once I heard Wallace, I thought of, I've thought of like three or four Wallace's immediately trying
to think of quotes. That was fun. Thanks guys. So then it cuts to time passes. He's just kind of
chilling. I don't know if that's when he goes on his like 30 day like vacation with his family or
whatever, but, oh, that was before, but anyway, he's spending more time with his family. He's
letting Cal take more control of the business. And then he's sitting in his car. He's just kind of
getting ready to go to drug work and, and the black drug, the black drug dealers, Brendan,
the one who was at the party, you kick the shit out of homicide and all that stuff. He's been a
general loyal friend voted for him to stay alive. He comes up drunk as a skunk with the most water
I've ever seen on a person's face. He was the most sweaty human being that there's ever been. You
could have taken that man and you know, that Japanese game where they have to jump through
those specific holes, pick a hole, throw him through it. He slides through. He's so slick with
sweat. This man, if he just, he was bald and slick with sweat, there's no way you can't just
shove this man into where you need him to go. I'm not, don't quote me on that. That's not what I,
that shouldn't be a quote. He was wetter than the guy that fucking X-Men he washes up on the shore.
Oh, he was wetter than that Senator from the first X-Men movie after becoming a mutant.
His whole power is to kind of become ish water. Cause when he turned into water and that's how he
dies. He turns into water the whole time. Sort of. But I would like to think you say he dies.
I thought he died. I mean, no, I think he turned into water. I think he's, he exists in billions
of particles across the, I think right now. He turned into like a blue goop and just disintegrate.
Yeah. Well you say disintegrate, evaporate. Evaporate. My thought is the Senator lives inside all of us.
That character from X-Men canonically. He peed on a little Senator every day. They're just the,
yeah, exactly. His particles. There's a cloud with a little bit of that Senator floating over Wisconsin
right now. I think we're safe. We're safe from him out here. Yeah, we're safe. So then it, okay.
So then he comes up, he's got a gun in his hand and he's like, oh, fucking kill me, man. And the guy,
and Taz gets out, grabs him. He's like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? Takes the gun from
coming to my house with a gun, talking about killing people. What's up, man? And the guy goes,
you might as well fucking put a bullet in my head. You know, you're going to kill everybody else.
He's like, what are you talking about? And then he explains, fuck, if you sliced one dude. So now
that I remember that he's Italian, he slices the Italian dude's face off on an Italian sandwich
meat cutter, meat slicer. Holy shit was that gross. Well, first off, just the quick image they show.
I was like, but then later they show it. They show the slices coming off. I'm like, oh yeah,
we're going to have the guts to be fucking bold, fucking King of the Avenue. I fucking love this
movie. And then the other guy gets the, oh shit, oh poison, which I thought was a little lackluster.
But then Ving Rhames shows up and quote unquote, takes a drill, power drill and drills the fucking
dude, the black dude in the neck and mouth. Oh, stick your tongue out, stick your tongue out.
It's like such a weird scene. I'm like, why? Yeah. Why is he grabbing his tongue? Why? Why is
what's so important about the tongue? Do we miss, is there a deleted scene? Stick your tongue out.
Stick your tongue out. Stick your tongue out. Stick your tongue out. He had a weird face.
I put stick your tongue out times three for some reason. My mom walked out
in the living room during that part. What the fuck are you watching? Well, you missed the ending.
Uh, so then, uh, then we get the twist, the big hits home twist that I didn't see coming.
Honestly, I was so invested in this fucking movie, did not see it coming. He is being
raised being raised. No. Okay. I know you guys are, I think the devil actually existed. I do think
that, uh, he went and exhumed the body of his father. And I think that a demon came out and
possessed him and made him think that his father was the possession. He, he definitely exhumed the
body because his wife called him and was like, someone dug up your dad's grave and instantly
without missing a beat was like, why aren't you saying anything? You haven't given me a chance to
respond. I like the perspective of you notice when the wife's being a bitch for no particular
reason. I'm just saying, I'm just saying that was a funny, I'm not married, so I wouldn't pick up on
those like married things. But it's like, your dad got kidnapped. Why didn't you say anything?
Instantly. Why didn't you respond? Hey, why haven't you said hi back? I like that shot,
where it's like Cal, Scooterpie and Taz. They're at that like kind of meetup spot and Cal's walking
towards that guy. And then he does that like spin move, grabs his arm and shoots them. Cool. Fuck
yeah. Really cool kill. Fuck yeah. So yeah, the it's the Mexican drug dealer guy who feels like
he's raised the price on them. And Cal meets up with him and he meets the Mexican dudes general.
And it's really one of the coolest like walk by turnaround shoot duels like modern date. It's like
a modern day quick duel. And it was fucking dope. I agree. That was a really well done shot. Like
the director who did this, it's like there's potential. He shouldn't be directing. He should
be either cinematographer or action coordinator or like story guy or something like that. Like
put him in the room where he could give you ideas and then have someone a little with a little bit
more control like over what they want. Like a like more of a perfectionist, I would say, because this
guy I think is a little sloppy with some of the things he did. But that could have been intentional.
Maybe in budget too. It could also be budget. I'm wondering, I'm wondering if he only wrote that part
and then someone else wrote the whole slice fucking Cal stomach open. And then his dad finds him and
shoots himself. And I'm like, the cops are going to get here to the scene and be like, what the
fuck? There's just like a dude dead in the street and then a father and son like sitting like they're
like they were taking a family photo together. Now I will say the slicing open the stomach
was heart wrenching because he realizes he just killed his best friend. But when the dad comes
over and sees the body and puts the gun in his head, they linger. It's the timing of that is so
fucking strong. It's like he picks the gun up, he puts it under his chin, and then he just like
sits there for like a beat for like maybe if maybe five full seconds of just like maybe thinking
about it. He doesn't think he takes a breath and then just fucking pop and you see it. It doesn't
pull away. If you see the fucking shot, you see his body fucking crumple. Holy shit. That alone
that alone is a fucking powerful scene with the timing on it. It's a little off. I just what do
you mean on the the actual. Oh, sure. Again, that's just a budget thing. Yeah. Suspensive disbelief
for me. Budget and acting. OK, maybe a little acting. If this was redone, I would want a
reboot of this movie more than almost any movie I've ever. This will be done with a budget and
with actors, better actors. Sure. And well, Ving Rhames has to come back. Ving Rhames is.
Except he's a grandpa. Grandpa. Is he alive? No, he's 38. No. Is Ving Rhames alive? Yes.
OK, I know he's older, but OK, so then we have that intense suicide. So he comes back.
So then he's fucked up, covered in blood, goes home, crashes his car, a body's hanging out of
the trunk. His neighbor runs over. Oh, hey, Taz. Then runs away. Love that. So she was into him
because the way she says she's like, oh, hey, Taz. And then she fucks off. He runs inside.
He tells his wife, fuck it. Everything, everything, everything. Hey, I'm a drug dealer.
I killed a shitload of people. I'm cheating on you. I've got a dope house. Like just a dump.
Oh, and I'm probably going to kill you right now. You should fuck off. Please leave. I'm insane.
I'm going to kill you. And then and then right when he says this, Ving Rhames himself is going,
you shouldn't have told her that because now she knows everything. And in order to keep you as the
king, I got to kill you. I should do the Ving Rhames voice the whole time. Yeah, you shouldn't
you should have told her that. Now I got to kill you. It's not bad. It's OK. But he's way better
at it than me, obviously. Way better. Yeah. And then so I said, yeah, damn, he really laid it all
out there. And then the worst mom of the fucking decade award goes to the bitch that doesn't just
take her son's son, her son's hand immediately and fuck off as far away from that house as she
can. Instead, she goes, what are you talking about? Please tell me what's going on. And then
you're breaking my heart. You're going down a path I can't follow. And then it cuts to him in the
kitchen going swing low swing, hold the butcher knife. And she's in the kitchen with them going,
please, please. And he's like, I'm going to fucking kill you. It's like it's the end of the shining
and she has no urgency whatsoever. So she finally goes five feet outside the door of her front door.
Great. Good for you, bitch. But there's a bunch of police officers pointing guns, right, at him.
He stands out there. And then they he thinks I think I think he thinks about it for a second,
everything that he's done, everything that's going on. He raises the butcher knife. They load them
full of bullets, which is weird because like, what was he going to do with the butcher throw it?
He's going to make throw it. That's how it works. No, but throw exactly looking for excuse anyway.
No, I well, OK. I mean, that's a tough position. I don't know if every cop's looking for a reason,
but I do think that if there's a guy covered in blood, dead body in the trunk, terrified family
running outside, butcher knife in hand comes out to the front door and then he raises the blade.
Yeah, I think probable cause. And I'm sure I don't blame any of those brave police officers,
the blood trail of bodies. I mean, they did. They're about to see how many other people he killed.
Yeah. Yeah. So by the time they get there, like, oh, this is the fucking guy. He's covered in blood.
Yeah, he's got at least 30 something people on his on his on his count. One of the most successful,
if we're talking slasher movies, if this were a slasher movie, one of the most successful,
he killed a lot more than Freddie, a lot more than Jason. I mean, if we're talking per movie,
like if there was a secret, there were sequels to this, re continued his trend of being being
Reims and killing people, then like he would have a good body count. But what did you just say before?
Body count. Oh, I admire this movie's restraint not to have the police officer that shows up
be the same detective that showed up at his house. That would be unrealistic because the detective
showing up to ask questions is one thing straight cops just coming over to investigate an active
crime scene is something completely different. But you know, there be movies out there that have
absolutely broken that fucking Cardinal sin by because because they're like, yeah, I gotta have
fucking the cop that has been in this that's been this whole hero this whole time show up at this
particular moment, right? Or whatever. So I think this movie is more realistic. This movie about a
guy who can just pick up a fucking PlayStation 2 controller at the fucking drop of a hat and just
play the middle of a fucking game. You think a movie this unrealistic can fucking at least follow
that fucking rule you pieces of shit Hollywood fucking bitches. This is 2010 the PS3 was out.
Yeah, but he doesn't he couldn't afford a PS3. No, he could afford anything he wants. Mike,
he could get a prototype PS4 by that point. But the point of it is he didn't buy that PlayStation
2 for himself. He bought it for his chick. His chick obviously is not a gamer. Someone didn't
finish the game. She just left it blank. Well, actually, a real gamer would just leave it because
some games need to be left if you can't save there's no save point or whatever. But I would
say that just chicks that hot genuinely aren't generally art games. I did that for San Andreas.
I didn't have a memory card yet. I was playing it and I had to I went to school. I just left
CJ standing there didn't pause it or anything. And I got home. CJ's all skinny and dying.
Maybe it was an idle RPG game. Oh, I know. Idle RPG games are perfect to leave running. Yeah.
What are we arguing about right now? We're saying that's why he could just pick it up and play it.
No, not 2010. Not on a PlayStation controller. Not wired to something on his TV. He didn't just
look up and start playing it. You don't play an idle RPG game. You click an idle RPG game.
And I know you know that the last shot is the devil. That's a chef's kiss on a fucking perfect
five out of five movie. Okay, no, no, no. I've laid out my case as to why I absolutely fucking
love this movie. If you guys want to argue that it's not it's low budget. It's not well done in
the sense of like acting or special effects or sound or whatever the fuck every piece of a movie
other than the story. The story itself is what you love. And I agree with you. I think it could
have been a great movie. I enjoy not a great movie. I know because all those things other than the
sound mixing. I think the sound mixing got to me a little bit but honestly all those other little
mistakes make it just such a enjoyable experience. I had such a good time watching this movie.
It's not often they use cough cough one ranger cough cough. Some of you bring something that I
like. A lot of the time it's it's it's other things. That's what I'm saying. One ranger.
Someone just brings me a not a western. And I'm forced to watch a not a western for two hours.
This was a clean one hour and 22 minutes. It got everything I needed it to get done.
Ving Rhames killed 30 something people making him the most notorious murderer in any horror movie
that I've ever seen. If you change the fucking music on this and showed it in a different order.
You could do this as a horror for sure. If you did this a little memento status and changed the
editing up a little bit you have a masterpiece on your foot. Well I still think you do. A plus five
out of five. They did this with 2.5 million dollars. That's all they have. And it's apparent.
Well I see every dollar spent in love. The more you talk I was like fuck everyone's going to hate
this movie when I rewatched it because I picked this movie because I saw it when I was like like
when it came out me and my friend loved this movie and I haven't watched it since. And then I watched
it again. I'm like oh like everyone's going to shit on me. I mean I already know Mike's going to
shit on me. But I thought everyone did it. Then you just are fucking look. I feel it. I was like
cool. And he's on my side. But then the more the more that you love it. I'm just like oh I think he
fucking hates me. He's just fucking sarcastic. He's just going to be a dick to me. Some kind of a back twist coming.
Like Battlefield Earth. Like everyone hated it. And you're like oh I thought it was so fucking great
Austin. Thank you for picking the greatest worst place comedy of all time Austin. Here's the thing.
You guys think these are these these huge sarcastic character bits that I'm having.
Nope. My two favorite movies we watched on this fucking podcast have been Battlefield Earth
and King of the Avenue. I'm still not gonna. You've fucking nailed it Austin.
You've crushed it so far. With the choices. I mean no. I honestly genuinely love this.
I know everything I say sounds sarcastic right now. If anyone has seen this movie
everything you're saying would make no sense. Fucking light up a joint. Watch this movie and enjoy it.
Okay maybe I just wasn't smoking strong enough because I was smoking what I got from our buddies.
What the wife say? The wife left after. She left you?
I can't do this anymore. She watched about probably the first 30 minutes and then she was done.
It's a strong 30 minutes though. Yeah it was the first 20 was good and then it got bad and she left.
Where did it get bad? I think we need to add that as a segment. It feels like it felt like a cosmic
punishment for sneaking into a double feature at some point in my life. I felt like I was being
punished when I watched this movie. Why? Because it's so poorly made. The story is good but they
took a good story and just destroyed it. There's there is that acting is bad. The special effects
are bad. The oh my the planes the devil were bad. It was just bad. Everything was bad about this movie
other than the base storyline. You're right the base storyline is good. The movie around the story
sucked in every possible way of movie making. I disagree to say the least.
I think that when somebody pours their heart and fucking soul into a project and they're only given
2.5 million dollars and it shows every fucking dollar being spent with love Michael I think
maybe you can cut them some fucking slack on a couple of special effects things okay. The acting
was not bad. What do you think drug addicts act like Mike? They act like what we just saw.
I think they act like us. Satire comedy. I think he acted like a trap king dude. I've worked in a
trap house once like a weed one for a dispensary in California and that's that vibe dude. It's that
drug dealing life even though it was a legal dispensary the one I worked at but still you
get that trap house mentality. That's still the trap inside of me. You can leave the trap but the
trap never leaves you. I think that's the first time I've heard somebody that worked in the medical
marijuana industry as a trap house. Well I worked at the one place that was a fucking trap house dude.
The way this setup worked was that the guy would just rent out apartments. No he would like rent
apartments in cushy rich luxury areas and then that's where we would operate out of. So when I
say legal I do mean it was a company I worked for and got a paycheck from so I'm assuming that's on
the books but otherwise it was just we had refrigerators full of edibles and wax and we
had cabinets full of flour and we would just pack and go. I kind of want to write a book after all
the books I've been reading and after watching this movie I think I want to find like a way to
get the rights to like the story from this movie and just write just write King of the Avenue.
Make it better. Now listen we we talk a lot about making sequels to things. This doesn't need one
unless we're continuing the. No no I just want to tell the same exact movie but in a book. I agree.
That way Michael can't say shit about it. Right because then I can imagine it's all the writing.
The paper it was written to Austin what the fuck. I mean but I think we could I think this is the
first movie that I think I'll argue for a reboot other than a remake or a
or sorry remake or reboot other than a sequel. I agree with that. Unless the goal of the sequel
is Ving Rhames serial killer but it doesn't work anymore. It could be Ving Rhames though you could
the only way to do it would be to have Ving Rhames the devil come it could be the same devil
and Ving Rhames being his person that he just puts in the different now it's his son.
Oh and then grandpa comes in and Taz. Taz. Oh both. Yeah they both want to serve earth people.
I mean that could be cool. No but a remake would be what I want. A remake yes this movie does scream
for a well like if if we had to dream cast this. If we had to do a dream cast I would think
um keeping Ving Rhames as the dad or grandpa in this case. You have to change that up a little bit
to make it so that he's if he's if he's generation it wouldn't change the story if he was 13. If he
can still do it though if he can't then you gotta find another. Playing that part it was a pretty
intense. You gotta find another. The only way they could do a sequel is if the kid it's like my dad
was a drug dealer his dad was a drug dealer I'm gonna be different than something the devil
whatever drags him into being a drug dealer puts him at dire straits it takes advantage of him.
I'm actually a east coast representative. I'm a west coast representative. East coast yeah. To an LA instead
which would be more fitting because that's that's sort of what a lot of the gang stuff
it's another place they kind of screwed up in this movie a lot of the gang stuff was pulled out of LA.
Yeah I noticed that too. It was not really pulled out of Florida. Well is it Florida though? We
we nailed that down. Yeah because the cops come and he's like drug dealing is illegal in the state of Florida.
Yeah okay. So it's it's I feel like that's another just one of those things because the
right arm's just from LA and it's what happens. Listen I'm gonna give it my rating. It's not as bad as you
would think because like you said the story's good. Oh this is how our ratings go though. We're doing
B through W. Okay well then our normal here in Friday Rice podcast the way that we rate movies
except in this case it's a little different but it and normally we go from except for the one that
gets mad if we change it. We go from a long time ago our the the godfather of our show
Zach E improv quality he came up with the system and we hate him for it because it sucks but B through
F because we don't watch A movies around here and then W for waste of time which we don't even have
to talk about today but and then I already said mine which is I made a deal with the devil.
I gave a lot to do this so you're gonna have to just accept it but it's an A plus. Okay. Your
dad being Reigns killed 30 people so you can give it this rating. I've already said everything I got to say about this movie.
When I wrote my written review I gave it one and a half moldy crack rocks because that's just how I do mine.
Moldy crack rocks? Yeah one and a half moldy crack rocks because it's Florida. I put yeah five out of five Faustian deals.
Yeah okay but and I could have been convinced maybe to go higher. Okay. But your arguments really kind of suck.
What? So I could have been convinced to go lower too so I had two ratings written down before I ever got here.
Okay. And I'm sticking with my first one which was a D minus. C plus. Because it's got a decent story but a horribly done movie.
Okay. Writing your grade and then next to it in parentheses the grade you should have given it. Which is F minus. A C plus.
You gotta be convinced. You did convince me enough to stick with the D minus because I was really torn between a D minus and an F.
And you convinced me on the storyline enough to say well there's some redeeming qualities to it.
C plus. D minus. I wrote it down. Austin? So I'm gonna give it a I'm just gonna give it a one out of five chicken tacos.
Oh that's lower than mine. Yeah. Going back going yeah you tend to do that. I tend to hate movies I pick.
So it's my face. But yeah it just it didn't hold up for me really. But the story magnificent. And there's a few good shots in there.
You know I'll get that's an F plus Andy. Giving it an F plus. Okay. All right. F plus. The grade you should have given it.
It's a good movie. I thought maybe Andy would convince you more than me. God Brendan this is gonna really define our friendship moving forward I feel.
But what did you grade this movie? Any final thoughts?
I mean yeah so yeah like everybody said the storyline was great. Like there was there was a lot of potential with this movie.
They could have done a lot. They could have done a really good job. I think what kind of killed it a little bit for me was I every time I would see the main character I kept thinking swing away George.
That's you know his line. That's what they would say to him in scary movie three I think it was. Signs. And I had I had to look to see which one came out first because which one did they see him in or like he would be perfect for this role.
And they got it with scary movie first so they saw him in scary movie and were like hey I think you could play this role. And he didn't do too bad of a job.
But a lot of the other acting was was pretty rough. So I give it a 2.5 out of 5.
You didn't come up with a thing? That's a C. Sliced faces.
So what's your? I feel like a D plus or a C minus. C minus D plus. C minus.
He's about to show us how why he's the king by the way. I can feel it coming. He's about to show us why he's the king.
So yeah I mean you got a you got a real good point there Mike because the grades I wrote down were A plus from me. C plus from Mike. C plus from Austin.
And a B from Brandon because I really wrote down the grades you should have given it. So we're going to settle at a solid A.
King of the Avenue officially gets an A if any of you have anything to say about it you can kiss the fucking ring.
I like the you're wondering if our rating system means anything at all. No it means nothing at all.
Sometimes it does. Most of the time it does unless we're all wrong.
I like this little collection we got here where we got Steel got an S tier.
Battlefield Earth got an M from Masterpiece. And now King of the Avenue gets an A.
Fuck yeah it does. Those are my three full of Steel socks but Steel's from Masterpiece. Sorry it's Superior.
That wasn't me that was your friend you brought to the podcast. Shout out to Completely Compromised.
Oh I just listened to the last episode they said we bombed our last episode. We bombed?
They're like yeah we had these he's like we're not doing too good on the analytics and then Jave Javin or as I call Jave Rose Haukayas.
Because he looks like him. He's like yeah we had two fat oafs that just bombed us.
So we did badly for their analytics. I guess so. Oh shit oh shit that's uh that's disheartening.
But anyway how about recreational recommendations. Let me write down the time stamp 131 31 31 31 30.
AFMF AFMF. That's not a thing. What was Rec Rec? Oh recreational recommendations.
We have a theme song that's about to play right now.
And uh, no we have one.
It's pre-recorded.
That's going to come out after.
It's going to sound ridiculous, Mike.
And I want to point it out right now.
It sounded like part of John Cena's theme.
I thought it was the beginning of Rocky.
You guys have seen that video where that guy keeps calling that chick?
With the John Cena?
The radio.
Great call.
John Cena.
Oh my god, so good.
Let's do a quick little recreation.
Anyone got anything?
I was on Prime and I saw Sausage Party, but it wasn't the movie.
There's a Sausage Party show now and it has all the original voice actors and everything.
It's called Sausage Party Foodopia.
And it starts, the story is, they killed, all the food came alive and killed everyone
on Earth.
And there's only a few people left but they have no idea how to, they don't know what
the fucking rain is and they're just scared as shit and the main characters split off
and they find a few living people and oh yeah, they're celebrating killing all the people
by having an orgy in the streets.
That's how they ended the first movie.
Pour gum.
Oh yeah, gum.
Alright, let's pour one out for gum.
I'll probably check it out.
I was on my list, weirdly enough, because I can tell you right now after watching Foodopia
in theaters, I left going, I don't know if I'll ever watch that again.
I think I enjoyed it maybe.
Part of it was fun.
Did they say the juice?
That was weird.
There was some anti-Semitic shit.
You know what, maybe one more time and then I watched it maybe 10 years later and then
I was like, I think I'm done.
And then thank God they made a reboot with the show.
The show is actually better than the movie.
Alan watched the first episode.
The first episode is better than the movie.
They don't miss a beat.
We hit a Foodopia but not a remake of King of the Avenue.
What a fucking weird world we're living in.
Michael, do you have any recs?
Speaking of food, we've been watching MasterChef.
That's pretty much it.
I've been watching this new MasterChef.
The generation is kind of cool.
They're doing Gen X, Baby Boomer, Millennial, Zoomers.
And they, it's kind of cool.
They're doing the team thing that they were doing last year with the different regions.
I think Gen Z is going down.
There's a couple strong chefs.
I think there's going to be like one Gen Z or maybe one getting through the end.
I think we're going to get a few Millennials and I think a couple of Boomers.
I think X is out the window and I think the rest of Z is out the window.
But there's a blonde chick on Z that did a poor captaining job but she's otherwise a
good cook.
I think she's just the cutest one so I just wanted to win.
I think there is differences in their food.
It's kind of interesting.
Old fashioned versus bullshit.
Like new.
Like some weird smoke on a plate bullshit.
Like classical shit.
I've had some fancy shit where they do the fancy smoke on the stuff.
I've had an old fashioned where they brought it in like a cage that had like smoke.
That drinks you could, I feel like the drinks the smoke won't fuse like that pretty quickly
but as far as food just giving it a kiss and smoke isn't going to really do shit except
for the smell.
So it's like it will do other senses that will help.
It's kind of like you eat with your eyes.
You eat with your mouth.
Yeah.
So any taste that you should, your mind will tell you your taste.
I don't know the best meal I ever had though was at a restaurant that was old, old, old
fashioned.
I don't know if any exists on the west coast at all but back in Missouri there's a place
the fried chicken place go in and they put you at a table and they start bringing shit
out like literally baskets of food.
They put it, they seat you at a table with people you don't know.
It's like a big long picnic type table indoors.
I hate places like that.
And they bring you food that you would not believe the amount of food they bring.
It's like 12 bucks and they bring you food forever.
May I interject for a moment?
On one hand when you started describing fried chicken coming at me from every corner, it's
the closest I've ever been looking down at my stomach and just said I'm Homer Simpson
because I was literally about to go like, mmm chicken.
And it wasn't even like a bit.
That wasn't a quote from Homer.
I stopped myself.
I went mmm.
And I was about to say chicken.
But then I was like no, don't be Cookie Monster or Homer Simpson.
But then second you described a living fucking nightmare.
What?
It is.
It's not like sitting in a fucking on a bit.
We were talking Hogwarts style of eating family style and they bring bowls of food that everybody
eats out of the same bowl.
Like not eggs out of it, but takes a spoon out of you know what I'm saying?
Because you're not barbarians.
Now listen, I've been, but it's as close to barbarian table as you can get in modern
America, but like, yeah, not like buffet.
They bring it to the table and throw it down.
Giant bowl like I've been to a book of De Beppo.
I don't know what that is.
A book of De Beppo is a family style Italian restaurant, but they do not make you sit with
strangers.
You go and you with your party and you sit there with your.
I mean, I guess if there's two of you, they might put you at a table, but no, no, because
no, no, I wouldn't go to a place and have to determine what other people are going to
eat only if it's a family thing.
It's what I'm saying.
It's a Southern hospitality.
There's no choice.
Like the bowl of mashed potatoes comes out, a bowl of corn, a bowl of whatever the hell
they have.
You just pay like everybody just digs in with their own.
It's like eating Sunday dinner at your grandma's, but it's $12 and it's endless food.
I feel like a bunch of sad people.
It's yeah, it's like Southern hospitality.
What were you going through, Michael?
I was, I was.
I'm getting sick right now.
I'm just saying.
Like, so I know that exists.
I'm saying to old people on master shifts, what brought that up?
May I interject for a moment?
It feels like that versus the smokehouse.
May I interject for a moment?
I took an oath a few days ago.
Brendan was there.
It was a Solomon.
And I said, you know what?
I'm going to try to be a little bit less autistic.
I'm going to try to just be a little bit less OCD, a little bit less extra.
Can I make a scenario where you are?
Well, well, real quick.
Brendan, you just described the worst thing on earth because not only am I sitting surrounded
by just filthy people digging into the food that I'm supposed to consume, I have to then
listen and watch all these smacking lips and people just some people's mouths are open.
I right now, when I took a baby step forward, when I said I want to be less autistic, I
just took a giant step back.
I want to climb into my autistic turtle shell and never see any of you guys ever again.
You know what?
I've never been to one.
I want to go to I've never been to a Japanese.
What's it called?
Tepinaki.
Oh, like a show.
I've never been.
If you don't have a big enough group, you will.
And you want to sit at the grill, they will sit you at strain.
Yeah.
If you have the Tepinaki, the actual show as bad, though, because you get your own serving.
It's not you're not all reaching into the same serving serving.
Yeah, it's the same cook is staying there cooking on the same grill.
It's way different, bro.
It's way different.
No, no, no, no.
He's plating it.
He's plating it for you.
Yeah.
Oh, I don't know if they play.
I've seen his own TV.
They throw in shrimp at your face.
They do that.
They do a show.
It's dinner and a show.
But everything that goes on your plate was only been handled by the chef.
Yeah.
Like he's there.
He has a big grill for you.
The show part of it is he's doing all the tricks.
But like what I've seen on TV, the only thing that I guess could potentially contaminate
a scene would be like if someone at your table is coughing a lot or visibly sick and spreading
some fucking mucus that way.
Mucus spray.
That's all cops and fucking sneezes are people.
It's weird.
We're surrounded by germs.
They're fun.
The guy who has a bunch of funny to say, which guy?
Oh, yeah.
The guy, he'll like drop a shrimp or he's like, Oh, nobody perfect.
Oh, you want to you want to egg roll?
And then he makes an egg roll.
Actually, you want an egg roll and then he makes an egg roll.
It's funny.
Yeah.
I had this thing where it's like it was like the stuff that makes the fire, whatever it
is that ignites when he makes like a little volcano or whatever.
Yeah.
He pulls out this bottle and it's like a little boy and then he he pushes it down and then
the boy's pants come down and he pees.
Yeah.
It makes fire.
Yeah.
That's a twist.
I didn't go to the X-rated teppanyaki.
I went to just family wholesome show as a child.
Although I do wonder all the time when I see it makes me think of those fountain.
You always see sounds with little boys peeing.
I'm like, what the hell is that?
I want one in my backyard.
I'll tell you what it was.
I think all nude statues just in general.
What else was there to fucking statue?
Like if you're an artist back in anywhere prior to seventeen hundred, let's just say
that what are you going to fucking make?
You're going to make people, animals or architecture that you've seen.
Right.
Like we have so much more now.
We literally like it's it's obscene that we think that the paint, you know, statue naked
people.
I guess it's like it was an art form back then.
I never got to do that scenario.
Please do.
You going to that Southern hospitality restaurant, I see it happening like that scene from office
space where Walton Wilton and they're all cutting up the cake and he's all like and
I just but instead of people cutting cake and taking it, it's people reaching their
dirty fucking sweaty, greasy hands into bowls of chicken.
And you find like the one bowl that hasn't been touched it.
You just pull it towards you.
He's like, hey, do you eat the cake at a wedding?
I feel much better now.
Hey, have you guys seen King of the Avenue?
Yeah.
I'll ask that again in just a second.
I need I need to address this while it's in my head.
What I would prefer is since we're talking King of the Avenue, I would prefer I paid
an obscene amount of money to walk in there alone and I'm the only one at the table and
they still bring a shitload of family style bowls out and I sit there like a god and I
just eat like a Viking at a table or something.
That's what I would prefer.
What did you say?
I said, do you eat cake at a wedding?
Because the bridegroom thing where they dig into their hands or whatever.
You didn't eat the cake.
Now, typically, there should be a part of the cake designed, I think, for them to grab,
right?
No, motherfuckers better slice off a slice and then grab the slice and hit each other
in the face with that.
That's proper wedding protocol.
If I'm at a wedding where they're just grabbing the cake and smashing into their faces, the
wedding I just went to this last week, they were wonderfully accommodating cupcakes.
So there was the cake, but then they also had matching themed cupcakes behind it.
And so I just made a cupcake sandwich, of course, the hack for cupcakes.
You all know it.
You know the cupcake hack?
Yeah, the proper way to eat a cupcake.
The proper way to eat a cupcake is when you take your cupcake, you rip the bottom part
off and you just put it on top and you have a little cupcake sandwich.
That way the icing's not on top and you can hold it.
I mean, I'm just saying, I just blew your mind.
You're welcome.
I like those, the one where it's like, you know, the pads of butter that are like wrapped
in the thing.
This guy stabs it with a fork and then just squeezes it and it just perfectly spaghettifies
butter over his bread.
Who does this?
I saw it on YouTube.
Oh, that's cool.
That's cool.
What did you ask?
Did I answer your question?
Cake at a wedding.
Oh, yeah.
Cupcakes are better is what you said.
So when I went to my cousin's wedding, that was so elegant and such a like, like everything
was clean and I feel like they had maybe people who were servers.
So I definitely had some of that cake.
I think weddings are different.
I feel like most weddings, though every wedding I've been to, I feel like there's so much
proper care and consideration put into things that I trust the process.
But like even this last wedding went to the food was great.
The cupcakes were great.
I mean, it was awesome.
But Mike, you know more than anybody.
You invited me to Thanksgiving.
I went to Thanksgiving at Michael's house this last year and at one point a woman, I
don't think it was your daughter.
I think it was it was your daughter.
She's sitting with a baby on the lap.
Baby urinates all over her.
She's covered in urine, covered in someone's urine.
We're all eating.
I'm like, that's fine.
I don't I'm not I'm not shaming the baby.
I'm not shaming her.
She leaves and she comes back in an amount of time that I would I would I would like to
say is way too short to wipe off all of the amount of urine a baby could pee onto a human
being.
And she comes back proper amount of time would have been 35 or 40 minutes for me.
Yeah.
Scrub every bit of you desanitize the baby, put it under a blow dryer.
I don't know what you do with a baby that's peed all over itself.
But take care of yourself first like the air masks on an airplane.
That's in a life.
You know, I know how you're supposed to do it.
Take care of yourself first.
But anyway, she goes back in covered in urine.
I'm assuming still there's urine on her.
There's no way there's not urine on her.
This baby mark its territory.
She walks in and I happen to make the biggest mistake of my life thus far by saying, I think
I should get some ham.
And I'm not kidding you when I say Mike's daughter, I'm so sorry.
You're so great, Casey.
You're so wonderful.
But she reaches into this pot of ham with her bear.
I'm assuming urine drenched fingers grabs a slab of ham and throws it onto my plate.
The amount of me.
What are you writing down?
I think to sit there time stamp.
But I had to sit there and make sure that like there was literally you could see a little
wall of all the food touching that piece of ham around my plate.
I ate everything south of it like Game of Thrones, the north the north was up here where
the ham was.
I was I ate everything down here.
And it still made me sick having it on my plate.
But anyway, then they offer dessert.
I don't even know if I I don't even remember if I had dessert because I think she would
she said later like in my sick brain, I cut to her holding some pie and I'm like, I'm
full.
I'm good.
Thanks.
But if she if she came in this room right now, you still think that she's covered in
this.
Yeah, there's life.
It's been long enough.
But until I see her wash her hands and the clock, there's no hugs.
She's going to listen to this.
You know, next time next Thanksgiving, she's going to make you hold the baby as much as
she can.
OK, weird scenario.
I'm now covered in baby pee.
Her and I are sort of the same at that point.
So like, I feel like I'd be less grossed out of someone if I too was covered in urine.
Someone grabbed like in a post apocalyptic world, we're all covered in human shit feces.
I don't know why, but we're covered in shit.
We're super dirty and we're fighting over a rat carcass to see who eats it first.
I were the animals.
I would kill.
I don't think I could have done it.
Even if I was born in that situation and knew nothing else at some point, my once my feeble
arms were big enough to pick up my post apocalyptic gun that I put together using scrap parts
that my dad taught me how before he died from, you know, poisoning radiation, I would.
Yeah, I'd be like, no, this is gross.
I don't want any part of this.
I think the most ideal situation to live in, honestly, is being like a is it Jude Law or
Ewan McGregor in the island?
Ewan McGregor.
To be an Ewan to live in the island as a clone, to be sacrificed and harvested later.
Talk about clean.
Talk about polished.
Talk about just like regimented.
I love that.
I love I thought they had a great life before they like literally.
Ignorance is bliss.
That is the definition of it is all the other people that live there.
They're just going to go.
They're going to get to go to paradise or wherever they promised at the end.
We're not going to talk about the island.
So you recommend how the fuck?
Where in the we started with food and then family style completely derailed.
It started with me.
It really started with me.
Brendan, you got a wreck?
Yeah, that was a wreck for you for another food episode.
Yeah, I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
Yeah, I'm hungry.
Yeah, right.
So two things.
I watched both June one and two for the new ones this week.
Those were really good.
I was bummed to find out at the end of two that it's going to be a trilogy because it
leaves you on a cliffhanger, but they're both good.
And then I also saw I didn't I didn't I'm not talking about any details.
Not going to because I'm waiting for three.
I didn't I'm playing Andy on this one.
I didn't know that I heard about three and I'm like, son of a bitch.
I've been waiting to watch.
Yeah, that's been two came out when two came out.
I heard about three and I'm like, son of a bitch.
I didn't hear about three.
Yeah.
OK, I didn't hear about any of them.
Yeah, I'm tempted to read it now because I kind of want to know how it ends.
Yeah, I want to know how it ends, especially with the cliffhanger that I'm on.
Well, let's just get to the end of this.
But also, I went and saw Despicable Me four.
That was good.
I liked it.
If you enjoy the Despicable Me movies and that what did your kids think when you got
home and told them you went and saw Despicable Me four?
Why didn't you take me?
Yeah, I know.
It's fucked up.
You do that all the time.
You do it by yourself.
You guys notice that there's like that deep, seething hatred for minions on the Internet,
but people just fucking they suck.
It's like the minions and monkeys.
There's like monkey hate where people just share how much they fucking hate monkeys.
Oh, see, I have a baby monkey on my timeline that I love.
Literally, they'll show a monkey like getting hit or getting killed or something.
And there are people in the comments like, fuck yeah, fuck that stupid monkey.
Everybody forgot about Harambe.
Yeah.
Like fuck monkeys, fuck apes.
You know, actually, I want to bring that.
Austin.
I want to ask them about that.
What about Harambe?
My TikTok, the number one thing on my TikTok that I go through is a baby monkey.
Yeah, Austin.
Stop searching for monkeys getting beat.
Because nobody else's For You page has monkey mutilation.
No, it's it's like YouTube essays where these guys talk about weird Internet culture stuff.
Yeah, I mean, we don't care how you got there.
But but but the thing is, is that our monkeys are cool.
We're not commiserating with you saying, oh, man, it's a shame that I keep getting shown
monkey torture.
It doesn't pop up once.
But fuck, because we're talking about it so much and because the way Google works, it's
going to pop up on all of our feeds now.
Hands on our feet.
I think it's called our slash monkey hate.
Well, I fucking love monkeys.
They're kind of humans.
But the moment they start talking, we start killing.
Yeah, because we do not want smart animals.
Scooby Doo, Barnyard, like those horror movies.
Because here's the thing.
I think in a post apocalyptic world, if we allow animals to continue at being more and
more intelligent, we end up in the dystopian nightmare that was Barney.
I never thought about this.
How do you feel about Disney?
What about them?
Yeah, over the talking, not all of them lying over the hedge.
OK, now, Cinderella, Alvin and the Chipmunks, like there's a lot of talking animals.
Cinderella's magic.
Lion King is magic, though.
Yeah, that was the mics were there before.
No, the fairy godmother was working the whole time behind the scenes.
She was helping her throughout the entire thing.
She was taking care of her by sending her magic mice.
I missed the missed out.
I think they covered in the sequel or even the third one, which goes back in time.
I would feel that magic talking animals would be even scarier.
Yeah, no magic.
If magic.
OK, first off, the moment you tell me there's something magic and you prove that it's magic,
you change my entire worldview to know that magic is real.
I spend the rest of my life studying magic and I try to use it to my own gain.
OK, so please, if there's anything magic, please show me because that's my whole like
I would like.
Oh, you're telling me that magic's real.
Boom.
I dedicate my life to it like a religion.
Same applies if the devil pops up and offers me a deal.
I go, oh, no, thanks.
I'm dedicating my life to Jesus.
Thank you.
I didn't know that was the option to go with.
But absolutely.
Thanks for proving you're real.
I'm picking up a Bible and I'm going to church every Sunday and probably Tuesdays for some
sort of Bible study or whatever.
Right.
But I don't know where we go with this.
What did you recommend inside out for?
No, Despicable before.
How are we where we're at right now?
Talking animals.
Oh, yeah.
OK.
That's what it is.
Sativa land.
This is what you get.
But I will say this for talking animals.
So for Disney, I don't mind if we're seeing a movie from the point of view from animals
and over the hedge, a Lion King, that sort of deal, because, yeah, it's their point of
view.
I'm OK with it.
Once you add humans to the situation, I lose faith.
So a jungle book, you'll fuck itself.
So guardians.
A Tarzan could go fuck itself.
Guardians of the galaxy.
A rocket.
Rocket's not a raccoon.
Were you about to say he's a fucking raccoon?
He's an experimental alien from some planet that can talk.
I don't.
I'm 100 percent by his existence.
If he was an actual even if he's a raccoon that was taken from Earth and experimented
on to became a sentient.
Oh, experimentation all day long.
That's what incredible journey.
I don't know if I saw that one.
But is it that one of our homeward bound?
Is it that what the apes are like planet of the apes?
Yeah, it's a little bit of a weird thing.
It's a little bit of a weird thing.
The story's great.
The last episode's a little clunky with all the exposition little over
the top.
There's a monologue from some characters that I thought were,
well, okay.
Shut up, please?
And just.
Start doing stuff, but anyway,
that's it anyway.
Austin.
What are we watching?
No Brennan.
What are we watching this next week?
Fuck, I forgot we just did your,
I'll give you unlimited movies.
I've taken them away from Bob.
I've threatened to take them away from Mike.
I might give you a plus one to use at any time
just because of this banger.
Oh, if someone picks a really good movie,
then they get a double feature the next pick, I don't know.
Ooh, the competition is on.
Brandon, what did you pick?
I'm so excited.
Well, I picked a movie that I enjoyed as a child,
and hopefully you guys enjoyed it too.
Jackie Chan's First Strike.
Ooh, okay.
Okay.
1996.
On Tubi?
On Tubi.
Jackie Chan's First Strike.
Is this before or after Rumble in the Bronx?
Uh, before, I believe.
Before or after Condor, whatever that fucking dub.
After Condor?
Is it American made or is it pre?
Yes, I wanna say it's one of the ones that's dubbed.
Okay, so is it him dubbing?
Yes.
But later, like later, because he couldn't get it done.
I think they did it during it.
Like, I'm pretty sure, like, if I remember correctly,
I think that like it's his voice dubbing.
And then, you know, everybody else is being dubbed.
But there are American and other, like,
because this one I think they filmed in Australia,
if I remember correctly.
Well, fuck yeah.
We haven't done a Jackie Chan movie.
We haven't done any martial arts kung fu Jackie Chan nonsense.
I was contemplating between so many different
kung fu movies.
I almost picked the Bruce Lee movie,
and I was like, ah, I watched one scene.
I'm like, ah, no, that's too.
They don't really hold up that well.
Yeah, they don't hold up.
But hopefully Jackie Chan.
Any way we can get Dario in on that one
and analyze the fighting?
I'll ask.
That'd be cool.
We'll find out.
I would want to find, you said you had a cop friend too.
I do.
If there was a cop movie with a bunch of fighting,
then we should get Dario and your cop friend.
Jackie Chan cop story movie or police story.
We could do a movie,
I have a friend that was in the movie End of Watch.
So if that ever ends up on Tubi,
we could have him as a police officer come
and talk about what it was like working on the movie
and working with Michael Pena
and working with the director and stuff.
That would be tight.
If it ever pops up on Tubi when you guys picks it,
it's not.
But if it does, it's not Tubi worthy.
Well, no, Tubi, you're amazing.
Get what you can get.
We love you.
Great.
You know what I respect about you, Brendan?
He set out to do a kung fu movie
and you actually picked a fucking kung fu movie.
Didn't, didn't decide.
You know what we haven't done in a while is a fucking,
you know what I didn't do last week was,
you know what we haven't done in a while
is a space horror movie.
Let's watch E.T.
No, no, no, that's even worse
because that actually has to do with aliens.
Let's watch,
let's watch Bottle Rocket.
That first movie by the-
Blame Tubi's algorithm.
It calls it a Western, not me.
That's fine.
That sort of was a Western.
If you look at the AI for that, ladies and gentlemen,
that is indeed a hat and gun from a Western
on a table with our logo in front of the Big Ben
because the whole movie takes place in Britain.
That is the movie.
That's the only Western part of the movie,
the hat and the gun.
That's it.
But you guys loved it.
You can go listen to that episode later.
Jackie Chan's First Strike.
This is going to be great.
Maybe we even, oh, I've got some ideas already.
Great.
Oh, perfect.
This has been Fried Rice Podcast.
With me as always is Austin.
He, oh wait, we're still doing,
no, fuck it, we're done with the gang thing.
He muled several pounds of cocaine for me,
three hours from Phoenix-ish to be here.
Beryl.
No, I didn't.
Michael, he almost died due to the amount of drugs
he's done in his life, especially over here,
all the drugs he's muled all over the place for me.
He thinks he's a delivery driver,
but really it's all just drugs.
Larson.
Chelyos, motherfucker.
It's Brennan.
I'm not going to incriminate him.
Da da da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.
Da da da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da.
Simply up to Boston.
Like being Reims, I'm a figment of your imagination, Andy.
Oh shit, that's so cool.
I've got great imagination.
I've been your host, Andy Rice,
kingpin of all of Tri-State area.
This is Fried Rice Podcast.
We've been fried, we've been podcast, we've been rice.
I did that wrong.
Have a good night.
I'll see you next time.