🎂
Oh my god, where am I?
What's happening?
Oh god, how'd I get here?
Oh god!
Oh, let me open up the space pod next to me.
Oh god, it's Lieutenant Austin.
He was in hypersleep for three hours, Farrell.
Check me in on Cha Cha.
Oh god, here's another one.
Here's another hyperspot.
He's Michael- Oh, Christ, he's dead, Larson.
Oh god, he's one of those fucking monsters.
Let's kill him!
And welcome to a very space-themed episode of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host, Andy Rice.
Let's get fried.
I did that backwards, I think.
And I don't know if that was William Shatner or if I was pretending to float away in space,
but it was whatever you guys wanted.
I am very high.
Yeah, high.
This is our second episode in a row of filming.
Welcome everybody to another episode of Fried Rice Podcast.
We're going to be talking about a movie later on called Pandora 2009.
2009.
I was going to say 2009, that's not how we use words.
The year we make contact.
Yeah, and that's 21- No, we don't make contact in this movie.
Because they're mutants.
But I guess we do make- That's weird.
Oh, there's contact made.
Okay, we'll get into it.
But first, how was everyone's week?
Fucking, I just relaxed most of the week, really.
Read some books, watched some movies, exercised.
And you'll tell us which ones you recommend later on in our rec rec rec rec rec rec.
Yeah, I added it this last episode.
It's in there.
Mike, anything interesting happen with you?
You were painting a house earlier.
I was painting a classroom, actually.
A classroom.
Yeah, they go back to school next week, so we had to go in and paint the classroom.
My wife's classroom has been like this dull brown color that school painted it years ago.
So she wanted it, so it's now purple.
Purple.
Light purple and violet and then dark purple on the bottom.
So I spent the last three days.
And how old are the kids that she teaches?
Third grade.
Yeah, purple.
Eleven, twelve.
I went to a wedding yesterday.
Shout out to Mike and Suzy.
Woo woo!
Hey hey!
Congratulations, you guys.
You guys have met Papa Mike and Suzy.
Papa Mike's been on.
Yeah, Papa Mike's been on the episode.
Yeah, he got married to Suzy.
They've been together for so long.
It was so nice seeing them.
I got to hang out with Ryan.
I got to hang out with some of my friends.
Ryan's been on the show as well.
Ryan Khan.
You might know him from his failed podcast, Bros and Khan.
He's also going to be potentially doing a new little segment for the show with me.
Well, for at least six or seven weeks.
I hope it's not that god-awful mobster reviews a fucking movie in his voice.
You mean where it's just Burt?
No, he's going to be Burt.
Welcome to Johnny Fucko's fucking restaurant spaghetti and meatballs.
Hey, Pastrami, this fucking guy in the movie.
He goes to the fuck.
He does that all the time?
No, that was on an episode and I was like, what's happening right now?
Who did that?
Ryan.
Ryan Khan.
Oh my god, that was him doing it.
Bros and Khans.
Yeah, yeah, that's funny.
I like that.
Did I do it back with him?
Because I feel like I've got a new orc guy inside of me.
That'll be my last episode here.
Hey, what are you talking about?
Yeah, so the wedding was great.
It was outside.
And for those of you who don't know, here in Bullhead City, Arizona, it was probably
what, 117, 118?
It was hot.
A baby died on the lake in Havasu.
So that's neat.
Fucking way to bring it down.
It's literally half of my Facebook feed right now is people arguing over whether the parents
should be blamed or not.
They left the baby on a boat.
They took the baby on the boat.
I see that post.
And I didn't even notice until everyone started talking about it because as soon as I read
couple on their boat, I was like, fuck you rich people and didn't know what happened.
Yeah, let's not open with baby death.
Jesus Christ.
So yeah, congrats to Mike and Suzy, I guess, for their wedding.
It was great.
I bought them a vacuum cleaner because it was on their list of registry items and I hate
their dog.
And so in the note I wrote, I hope it scares the shit out of your fucking double dog.
I fucking hate their dog so much.
I love almost every dog.
But this dog from, I'm talking puppy hood, when they got it, little puppy didn't like
me, never trust me.
And then one of the guests at the wedding last night, I was talking to her and she said
that like, yeah, their dog hates me and every dog loves me.
I was like, me too.
It's like that dog, there's something wrong with it.
Like it's a fucked up dog.
So your dog sucks, but I love you guys.
And it was a wonderful wedding.
Thanks for inviting me.
I had a great time.
All right.
So what are we smoking?
And by we, I mainly mean me because Mike is kind of not smoking and I and Austin, as you
all know, just gets contacted.
Yeah.
I'm smoking Fatso is the brand.
It's a sumo wrestler with a baseball bat.
And he's that looks awesome.
He's hitting garlic cloves with his garlic weed.
I don't understand the reference here.
He's hitting a clove of garlic with a baseball bat and on his on his nut covering is like
penis covering the sumo penis covering.
It looks like it's some oranges.
So you tell me what that means, please.
For the love of God, what strain of my smoking?
Obviously you've never watched Japanese baseball.
Anti vampire, I guess, which is great for our next episode.
But I don't know what you're talking about, Andy.
Oh, yeah.
For months from now when it comes out.
By the way, everybody, if you're once ago when we recorded it, well, this is this is
going to come out first.
So ladies and gentlemen, look forward to October.
We have a very special treat for the last 17 nights of Halloween.
It's going to be great.
So just keep an eye out.
That's a couple of months from now.
We're recording them now.
You heard it here first.
Heard it here first on the Pandorum episode.
So that's the what are we smoking?
Let's get into the movie, you guys.
The movie is Pandorum 2009.
This was Andy Rice pick.
That's me.
It stars Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster, Cam Gigandet.
Who I actually like.
And I'll tell you why.
He's the guy from Never Back Down, which is an MMA movie where he's like a high school
kid trying to MMA.
It's got Norman Reedus for about 10 seconds.
How much did they pay him?
I want to know how much they paid him.
That's insane.
Yeah.
And then it's got Anjie Trow, which I don't know who that is.
And then that's that's the cast.
She's a foreign actress.
And I was like, is that Maggie from Walking Dead?
Did they have two Walking Dead characters in this movie?
And no, it was not.
She's like a foreign actress.
So let's get into it.
First off, I just want to highlight some.
I just want to highlight how atmospheric this movie is.
If say what you will about whatever you want to say, what you're going to say, because I do know that there's some silly ish aspects of when the mutant fighting goes down later.
But I mean, everything about this movie is dark, creepy, abandoned spaceship horror atmosphere.
I got like chills.
I got creeps when I was watching it.
I don't know if you guys agree with that.
I wrote just what I thought a space war couldn't get any more claustrophobic.
Yeah, claustrophobic as fuck.
Really dark. Can't see a lot.
So it's got Ben Foster.
OK, who?
What? OK, what?
Ben Foster?
No, what were you saying?
It's dark. You can't see a lot.
I do more to add to that.
Yeah, I do.
They're on a ship big enough to house the population of Earth, yet it feels more cramped than my first apartment.
Well, I get what you're saying.
Not the population of Earth.
It's got 50,000 people on it.
But efficiency.
I actually think that things would be that tight.
Think about how we make submarines.
You fit as many Navy people you can on a submarine, right?
Which makes no damn sense if you think about it.
Let's put all these people in this box underwater that we only need one person to push a button in.
We don't really need...
I've never been on a submarine.
I don't know how many people actually needs to run a submarine.
You would imagine you'd want at least a few people.
I'm saying a few, but I'm saying it doesn't need to...
In World War II, they had it right.
They held like five or six people.
Now we've got the submarine with missiles that they just launched.
But yet it takes 900 people instead of the six we had in World War II with all the rudimentary stuff in World War II you would think would take more people to run, not less.
As technology goes, it's supposed to take less people into the equation, not more.
No, because you have to take into consideration that just because something has become easier to use doesn't make it less complicated.
Because the machinery, the computery behind it all is much more advanced.
But that goes away from every other technology you can think of.
All this other technology, we talk about it every day.
What's ChatGTV going to do? Take away all these jobs because we're not going to need all these people.
So you shouldn't need as many people to run one thing.
But the way that works is when a machine comes to replace a job, then the new jobs get put in that vacuum.
We're never jobless.
But not in that space. What happens is, for example, an automotive line.
The robots come on, less people are on that automotive line.
Yes, they might be working in somewhere else now, but they're not on that automotive line.
In a submarine, we're putting more and more people on the submarine. It makes no sense.
Well, I don't know the amount of people you put on a submarine.
It's 900 now.
You looked it up. It's 900 people.
I've just known that my whole life. I was in the military. It's just, well, a big sub has like 900 people on it.
But that's I mean, but I feel like it just sounds right to me.
How big is this fucking submarine?
Submarines are pretty big now. Yeah, they're there.
I'm thinking 90 is pushing it. No, no.
I was thinking 90 would be nice.
Then you got to have all the food. That's a lot of food.
A lot. If you if you've never seen a nuclear submarine there, well, the poop you can shoot out there.
The size of a submarine, the size of a cruise ship.
I've never I did not know they were so big.
Well, the smaller, not the giant, there's giant ships, giant submarines.
We're talking like last ship.
Yeah. Sort of. Yes, exactly.
Big ship. I was thinking like Red October.
Let's get back to this pooping thing. Do you think that the toilets just the way that I would do it?
Well, he said that's a lot of poop for a submarine.
I'm thinking I agree. But back to this movie, poop.
But real quick, if you were to the way that I would design would be like an airplane toilet.
So you would shit into it and then it would do that suction thing that sucks it out and then it would just shoot it right into the ocean.
I think that's what it does. Oh, that's so great.
Yeah. You just see a submarine fly by and just a little every now and then just rockets of shit fly out the side of it or whatever.
And you know, some animals, some fish is like either getting a shit facial.
It doesn't expect it or they're going to eat that shit.
And you would then that's your dinner.
You would think they would have an automatic bidet on there since they're in the water.
I like the way you think salt water by day.
Yeah. Oh, salt water adds some friction.
That would really clean you out. Sandblast your asshole.
It would really clean you out.
And it's that it's fresh, although there'd have to be a filter, a filtration system.
I wouldn't want to accidentally shoot an eel up my ass or something, you know, like a little snake or something.
It's like a microscopic fish. It just gets launched.
It's direct access to my bottle. It doesn't make me feel good.
So Ben Foster is is the is the main actor.
Swaying Ben Foster. Swaying Ben Foster. I love him so much.
He is in three ten to Yuma. He plays a bad guy that is very good.
He's in a movie called Bang Bang.
You're dead, which is an adaptation of a stage play called Bang Bang.
You're dead, which I don't know if you're familiar with that. But Bang Bang.
You're dead is the it's a play about a school shooter who is in jail being revisited by all of the kids that he killed that day in class or like at school.
Right. And it's just like really emotional, impactful thing.
Ben Foster's Bang Bang. You're dead. He plays a high school student who previously the year before got in a lot of trouble for making for getting in like with a crew and making threats to do some violence at school.
And nothing happened. But now he's back at school.
Everybody thinks he's a weirdo. And he gets asked to be put like the drama teachers like, you know, it'll help.
Why don't you play the lead character in this play called Bang Bang. You're dead about a school shooter.
And then he ends up getting mixed in with a new crowd of kids who are actually going to shoot up the school.
And he ends up stopping it all from happening. It's pretty great. There's a click in the school school shooters like we're the school.
Yeah, the jocks over there. There's the cop kids. There's the nerds.
There's the school shooters. One of them is going to do it. Everybody knows there's just two dudes in a trench coats.
He has been in so many good things that are underrated. Alpha dog. He's in that and he's amazing in it.
He's in a one called medieval that I wanted to watch. But he looks pretty badass.
It looks like a one of those revenge, old timey revenge kind of things.
But I just yeah, I'm a big Ben Foster fan. And then we've got hard for me to see him as anything.
But the guy with all the piercings in the punisher.
Yeah, he is the guy with all the piercings in the punisher. That is him. You're absolutely right.
The Dennis Quaid, of course, he's frequency. He's day after tomorrow. He's that baseball movie.
He's been in. He's been in so many things, dude. He's Dennis Quaid. You know, we love him.
But the one the secret, the secret sauce here is this cam cam giga net giga net from Never Back Down.
But he's also in Twilight. He's also Twilight. That's not the reason I like him.
I mean, he's great. Twilight. There was a movie that he was in that's just one of those like
I know easy a is pretty good. Never Back Down. Priest.
Priest is just one of those weird like Batman priest with with Paul Bettany.
You guys ever see this? Yeah. I mean, it's literally it's it's Batman.
But if he was a priest, well, I mean, it's not literally it's not a DC guy.
But yeah, it's it's Batman priest. But anyway, he's in that city.
The city's full of lots of kids to molest. I'm the priest. Fuck them kids.
I intend to. But the Joker is like an atheist.
Yeah. The Joker's like so he's so trying to protect the children.
Yeah. Yeah. You're scum.
He's like it's like the Joker's just throwing his his trying to save these kids.
The priest goes out. You. It's like my priest rings that priest hangs at you.
Yeah. He's got to have a British accent Joker. Oh, man.
Well, anyway, so Ben Foster wakes up from hyper sleep.
Do you want to use the term waking up? Holy.
Those are the most terrifying parts of this movie.
When I watch this movie, the waking up is terrifying.
Yeah, because you're you have an oxygen mask on, no memory of what's going on.
This weird second skin that you have to like slime off of you.
His his pod didn't open, so he was like waking up and freaking out, like screaming shit.
I was terrified. Yeah.
This movie actually has one of the most terrifying death scenes I've ever seen,
which involves that. And I think I figured out everyone.
You know how everyone has everyone has their weird thing of like, oh, I don't like, you know,
needles going into the eye and like that's like your biggest, you know, or like.
Sure. Simple things. Teeth like for me.
Teeth pulled out like anything, anything going anything going into the top of your head, killing you.
Just like when we saw when we did Red State and they shoot the guy on the top of his head.
And then this guy, this other guy wakes up out of his pod and he has no idea what's going on.
All these fucking creatures that look like Lord of the Ring orcs mixed with Voldo from Soul Calibur attacking him.
And then he just gets fucking straight pike down the top of his fucking skull.
I was like the most freakiest. What you just said, this one I said.
Meanwhile, they're being hunted by what looks like the result of a three way between Gollum,
a xenomorph and a pro wrestler.
I was thinking orc from Lord of the Rings, but mixed with Voldo from Soul Calibur.
No, mixed with Baraka from Mortal Kombat. Baraka. Yeah.
Mixed with Baraka. I mean, it could be all three of those.
But yeah, we all ugly creatures. They're ugly creatures.
They're not necessarily the most intimidating, but they are.
They can be like when they're running down the some creepy moments.
But what it's funny that you brought up that death as not sitting right with you because of the the top down from the top of the head death.
What doesn't sit right with me with that? I agree with you that that's the most horrifying death, but for a completely different reason.
It's this guy wakes up with no memory.
And the first thing that happens to him within the first 10 seconds of his life is he gets overrun by monsters and eaten to death.
That is the equivalent of like a newborn baby being like like killed as it comes out the womb.
No idea what's going on. A newborn baby with enough consciousness and thoughts to know what's happening.
Like, oh, it's terrifying that like that got me. That was gut wrenching.
Let's see. Oh, then they get into the when they talk about what?
So so Ben Foster gets out. He opens up Dennis Quaid's pod. They both get kind of cleaned up. They both get in uniform.
You find out that Dennis Quaid is commanding officer in charge of their group.
And then you find out Ben Foss and so Ben Foster is like underneath him. Right.
And their flight through five, they were supposed to get woken up eight years into the mission to do their bit.
And then I'm sure they go back asleep and probably woken up another eight years or something.
What do you think it is like rotations like because it says like they're out for eight years.
They probably do like a year rotation, maybe go back. I think it's like alien like like Prometheus.
They wake up before they're about to land somewhere. Well, no, this one specifically is a hundred.
This was supposed to be a hundred year mission or whatever to get to the planet. Right. Right.
So they were going like a hundred and fifty year mission or something.
So what like I would imagine and he said he was only supposed to be asleep for eight years.
So what I'm thinking is flight group five, eight years into the missions, they must be on a different time.
So maybe they're like their shifts are longer, like an eight year breaks down into five shifts or whatever. Four shifts.
Oh, so to two year shifts. So that's what it is. They do a two year shift.
So you're woken up, you do two years, you get put into hyperspace.
And then depending on how many flight crews there are, if there's 20 flight crews, you get 40 years of work before you have to reset.
So then that's or if you do 50 and it's 150 years, then you do three cycles of work.
Everyone does three two year shifts, total six years and get to live on a new planet.
But I don't think that that's much of a prize because this new planet, you also have to colonize and colonization is tough.
It's a hard, hard process, especially with a foreign planet.
I read a book series where the last one is about a guy trying to colonize this like planet that has kind of werewolves on it.
But anyway, it doesn't matter. So I put when they're talking about their so they're discussing things and they bring up Pandora and what it is.
And that's like space sickness. That lore filling is cool.
The the like would see the lore filling. Oh, yeah. Like that. What happened? That big cautionary tale. The guy launched all the pods.
Another horrifying judge. Yeah, I put space. I was like, holy shit.
Launching five thousand pods is a crazy sad way to die.
Like if you're like me, all this movie, everything about it is like so claustrophobic.
And it's that's and that's my thing. Yours is the top of the head. Mine is the claustrophobia.
I cannot like I don't do elevators. I'll I'll wait for it to get on one by myself.
Oh, yeah. When he's climbing down the shaft upside down. Yeah, I can't.
This this movie, though, I was uncomfortable for this entire movie.
How about from the pods to the things that it's all claustrophobic.
How about when we meet young Dennis Quaid? I mean, I know that that's a twist.
But I mean, what about when we meets his other person?
When you see that hand coming out of the wires and he's like debating whether or not to pull him through.
But he pulls it through. Oh, you think actually now that I think about it,
he was debating whether or not to pull him through.
Do you think that was his last semblance of sanity?
Do you I mean, I know that he was crazy and he did some crazy shit because we'll find out later that that's the twist.
But like at that moment, when he's like season, he's having a moment of doubt where he's like, should I reach and grab this guy's hand?
Do you think it's because he was thinking like the hands not really there.
Don't grab it or this is a scary hand. I shouldn't grab it.
I don't know. Everything in the movie tells you not that he shouldn't have grabbed that hand.
Yeah, he should have. Throughout the whole thing, he never tells Ben Foster like, oh, I got this other guy up here with me.
Exactly. And I'm like, what's going on here?
And I still didn't realize it until it's like until it until the movie reveals it. It's a good twist. Yeah.
It's a great twist, which I mean, I guess if you're just listening home, the twist is that Dennis Quaid,
he's rescuing this guy and the guy ends up being him, just of his like a manifestation of him in his brain.
And so you find out that Dennis Quaid wasn't in hypersleep, not really.
Or he put himself in, but not in his pod. Like what he did was he's he was part of the first flight crew.
He got Pandora. He killed the flight crew and then put himself in hypers.
Or then what did he then he just stayed awake the whole time, right? The 20 years, 30 years or whatever, 40 years.
And now anybody else? The ship, Elysium. Yeah, there's a movie called Elysium.
OK, and they're kind of the same, but not the same movie. But I mean, the same ship almost like.
Wait, looks wise. Well, just size wise. I mean, the whole. I thought Elysium was a planet in the movie.
Elysium is the name of the ship. No, I know that in this movie I'm talking about the movie Elysium.
I'm not sure they're going on a ship to the planet Elysium. Yeah, that's the difference. I haven't seen it.
Yeah, Elysium. I didn't know if it was related. That's what I'm asking.
No, they're not related at all. There's a Matt Damon space movie, I think, is Elysium.
And that's they're trying to get to the planet. I think Elysium, if we're just going to be it,
it's probably some space term and that's why everybody uses it. No, it's actually not.
I did look that up because I was curious. It's it's like Greek or something like that.
It's it's it it refers to it says it's a state of perfect happiness.
Well, this one says the abode of the blessed after death in classic mythology.
The Elysium fields or Elysium plains is the conception of the afterlife that developed over time
and was maintained by some Greek religions and philosophical sex and cults with Greek Valhalla.
It's a Greek underworld realm of Hades realm of Hades.
So it says realm of Hades. That's hell, not heaven.
Well, it says underworld Hades never.
Hell, Disney made Hades look like like it was a hell.
And I think but I I don't think that they believed in hell and heaven.
They believed in the underworld. You just your body goes to the river sticks.
And I think you go to the underworld. And I don't think it's a torture.
I think it's just you. It's like a nothingness.
And I think that's bad. Like no one wants to exist and nothingness.
But I never I never took it as a and Hades is just the ruler of the underworld.
He I think it's he's not a bad person.
He just doesn't want to rule the underworld.
He wants a better domain, depending on what mythology you read.
But yeah, Elysium, that's cool.
And it also makes sense now that everybody calls their ship Elysium.
It's the same reason why we get so many other things, the Valkyries, you know, that kind of shit.
Like it's just one of those things that people can't come up with a new Greek words to use for shit.
See, you learn more here than tick tock. No, not really.
I'll do for when like 30 minutes. It's that long to get.
That's what Elysium be. Yeah.
So then Ben Foster gets out into the main part of the ship, doesn't open the door for Dennis Quaid,
which he was supposed to do, but he doesn't because there was like a bit of a distrust moment in that.
And then he moves on. You find out that there are a couple of things.
First, Normus Redis is on the ship and he's there for two seconds.
Enormous Redis, Enormous Redis. What did I call him?
You called him Normus Redis. What's his name? Norman. Norman Redis.
There you go. Normus. Enormous Redis.
You know, from that Amazon delivery simulator. Yeah.
That's really good.
Norman Redis is in it for literally two seconds. Oh, but he's Shepard.
Isn't that the name? Isn't that the pod that Dennis Quaid goes by the whole time?
Or does it go by Peyton?
I don't remember. I don't remember either.
I'm trying to think and I'm thinking all I keep thinking, this movie just has images in my head, which.
Yeah, there's things that stick out like he finds Ben Foster finds that security cabinet
and he has to give the door lock a hand job to open it.
Sure. Little technology, things like that.
It's great. I like that they had the actually I speak of just those little technology things.
The fact that they have an auxiliary hand cranked power supply is ingenious for space design.
It's like one of those radios with a crank on it in an emergency work no matter what.
And I like that they have that like a limited because honestly,
if you're in that room in that spaceship room, right, you're not trying to power the whole ship.
You don't you're not you don't need to control the engines. You don't need to control anything.
You need some light sources and you need a computer to work. Right.
That's like two or three plugs worth of electricity. That's not a lot.
And if you have a crank design that's in there that could have like a stored amount of power that you can physically crank.
That makes sense. You could literally do that.
I think space travel should have that in the future.
Like I do think they should have manual like stuff so that in case you get a situation like this,
you can get out of there or at least power up the room that you're in so you can operate.
You know what I mean? I like that. So that was cool.
So he gets out there. He meets Norman Reedus who gets killed immediately by zombies.
I call them zombies, but they weren't. They're mutants. Yeah.
So we find out later that they are we were they were given in the injection pods or in your hypersleep pods.
They were given drugs or something to help the inhabitants survive over time in this new environment to give them like adaptability like stuff.
But unfortunately, they were all released early and the adaptability drugs made them adapt to the ship instead.
So now they're like space dwelling, like claustrophobic sheep, like ship orcs with the baraka orcs.
And they're creepy. They're terrifying. They're strong. They have glow sticks in their hands.
What was that? Orcaca. Orcaca.
They are? Orcaca? Orcaca. Oh, orcaca. That's good.
So the orcacas are running around. They have glow sticks in their hands. They're terrifying.
I did put I I learned I found out earlier I was like this looks like a lot more than eight years has passed.
Right. Since they launched. And I think it did. Right.
Because we don't really know, I guess. Well, no, because he's Ben Foster said he's supposed to wake up eight years after launch.
Dennis Quaid was part of the first launch team and he was much younger.
He aged 20 something years. So he's been just showing just doing shit on the ship.
Fucking the orcacas fucking orcacas make him more of a baby orcaca.
We saw early times kind of a thing. You don't really want to pay attention to this because like Ben Foster was I've been here for like, I don't know, an hour.
It's like it's been 10 minutes. It's like what was he doing?
Just hanging out in a dark hallway. Just like, what the fuck, dude? Like maybe.
But it's like, oh, it's been eight hours now. Like, it's been eight fucking hours now.
It was an hour, like 20 minutes ago. Yeah, time is.
But speaking of time, Mike, 44 minutes and 28 seconds.
Titties. No, I had a really good fart that scratched my asshole.
I just had to write that down. It wasn't a titty.
No, no, there's any. I don't think there is any titties.
Oh, I wish there were that orcacas titties.
No, no, those don't count.
I don't think this movie has more whispering in it than The Quiet Place, which is insane.
This movie has so much whispering in it, I turned the subtitles on.
I couldn't watch it without it. I was like and I had to lower the speed a little bit of what I was watching.
Because in space no one can hear you whisper.
Yeah, in space. No one can hear you.
Why are they so dirty? Literally covered in dirt. Vietnamese guy and the girl.
How many years have they been there?
No. Where did the dirt come from is my question, Mike.
I'm not complaining about the girl being dirty. That was kind of hot.
Oh, well, that's fine. And the foreign accent too.
No, they do explain the dirt. They explain the dirt.
The ship has a... it actually shows them in it.
They're in a freaking... you see their white eyes when they get down in that shit.
Are you talking about that shitty shit? Yeah, the shitty shit hole thing.
The fan shit hole? Yeah.
Oh, the big fucking... The Star Wars rip-off is what we called it.
The shit compactor. Yeah, the shit compactor.
Orkaka compactor. The Orkaka compactor.
Dude, that was a big monster orgy. Oh, that was an awesome fucking scene.
Right after that I'm like ugh. And they just swam through that human bile with all the bodies piled up behind them.
Right in between both of those scenes, it went to commercial.
It was a Venus commercial, some shit shaving her pussy.
I'm your Venus. I'm your goddess. Your desire.
I don't need to look at a woman's pelvis after just seeing all that right now.
I'll tell you a little trick because I know you've got most of the streamers.
This was on Paramount as well, just so you know.
Oh, yeah. I'm defaulting on a bunch of those right now.
We all watched it on Tubi. Did you?
Everyone did, Mike, including you, our sponsor Tubi. Our future sponsor Tubi.
I was going to say our future sponsor.
Wait, no, my check or Clearman's Paramount.
Wait a minute. Who wants to send us a check?
Clearman's cheese bread. I would eat Clearman's cheese bread.
That human bile over a mass of mutated orgy bodies of Orkaka's.
I just see you sitting there like you guys want some? No? You cool? OK, you're fucking all right. Cool.
No, that's great.
I oh, then we meet the Vietnamese guy. He's cool. He's killing people.
He's badass. He helps Ben Foster throughout with the chick, the foreign chick.
They're all trying to figure shit out. She doesn't really have much of a memory either.
She knows more than him. I think the ship design in this is pretty cool.
Oh, I like that when the three of them team up to take down the one alien
and then afterwards, they're all just fucking stabbing.
Oh, yeah, I kept all together. I was like, that was great.
I kept saying gang shit, gang shit, gang shit. So good.
Oh, and then we get the crazy guy eating people.
And I think I put it in it. I wrote down. I don't know why he cannibal Bill Cosby.
Then he canna Bill Cosby. Cannibal Cosby. Oh, that's so good.
You should put that on a T-shirt specifically with that guy's face.
You should put like Domburg glasses on. I'm Bill Cosby. That was really good.
So they get kidnapped by the guy. He's crazy. He's going to eat him.
I get it. You know, you got to eat to survive. I'm not eating bugs.
I'll eat a person over bugs. By the way, that was a real bug.
That was a real bug. Ben Foster refused to eat the prop bug.
Wow. And he did it cold, too, dude. He did it like no reaction.
He didn't fucking give a shit. He was just.
Yeah. In the moment, that character was like, yeah, I need to eat.
I just ate it. But Ben Foster, man, he's like, I got this.
You could see now that you said that there's a move.
There's a no, no, but there's a there's a moment where he kind of there's a second.
There's a little leg on the grass or whatever.
But something moves inside of him and he deals with it.
And that moment was swallowing.
When you're thinking about how all this happens before they tell you,
they're like, oh, you know, we had a big, big sperm bank and something got crossed.
And, you know, now we have all these mutants. Yeah.
I was thinking like, you know, they got all these people on the ship to fly out in the middle of nowhere.
They probably brought some stuff with them. And one person brought our podcast on the board.
We got it got stuck on a loop in one of the paws and it just mutated.
And welcome to screaming.
That's what they're all. And they're all just when they're doing the orgy, they're all just like saying, slipstream.
That's terrifying. Fuck you.
Jellios. Jellios.
They're just podcast fans.
They're all the ship gets taken over by Rice presidents.
There's a statue of me, a really unflattering statue of me in the middle of the ship.
Holding a thing of Clearman's cheese.
It's just made of Clearman's cheese, Fred.
What's that?
I don't think you did intros on this podcast.
I did. Remember, I opened up your pod.
Oh, yeah, you did. That's right.
Mike's high. There's like a queen mutant that has like these big, disgusting udders and it just spews Clearman's cheese that feeds all of them.
Oh, you're now now you're giving me some some kinks I didn't know existed.
I'm like, would I suck a Clearman's cheese spread out of an alien utter?
That's that's like you. I would like that's Andy's version of Homelander.
It's just it's a titty.
Clearman's. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.
I just dip. I dip my finger into it and I lick it like a titty.
And I just I'm. Yeah.
Oh, no, no, no, no. When you're saying that he's I forget you're behind on on the boys. You're behind.
Let's not let's but you have to see that scene.
So no, no, no, I know. I have it. I don't want let's not talk about it.
David, where was it?
Oh, no, I would I would I would like varsity blues.
Put Clearman's cheese spread over just the nipples and just the vagina part of a of a girl.
If she would remember that scene with the whipped cream still on the work.
You have the time on Clearman's. I'm sorry.
I got do you have the movie pulled up because I wrote down a timecode one twenty five forty.
And I just remember why I was looking that up.
The lore villains are really good in this.
The one read the cautionary tale about Pando tale about Pandora when Ben Foster is talking about him as a kid.
And he's standing right in front of that fucking TV, which pissed me off.
What's the one twenty one one twenty five forty.
And seconds after this.
But and then it shows him like before he gets on the ship and he looks like he job master chief.
Oh, yeah. OK, so this part something something.
I'm going to maybe react. No.
And that's three seconds. No, it's probably the same thing as me.
This is that damn claustrophobia.
It makes me uncomfortable watching just that little scene when let me out.
I don't know. Well, yeah, just let it go.
Go to one twenty five and just let it play. Maybe I'll remember and we'll get talking earlier.
No, no, just a little earlier. Maybe it was some of this stuff.
Oh, yeah. Something.
All right. Well, we got to crank in that thing.
Thank you. OK. Well, whatever.
I don't know why I wrote that. I don't know.
But I watch this back. I'm not watching this again.
The set is the set design on this thing is good.
You're you're right about that. It's all like grimy characters.
Why is it so grimy, though? You're right. It is very grimy for space.
You know why? Maybe now that I'm thinking about it.
If you're going to have a cycling crew flight.
So he was flight crew five.
There's going to be maintenance crew five maintenance crew one.
Right. So if you had maintenance crew, you have probably a bunch of other different types of crews to like keep the ship running and make sure that it's like you even have to have service crew to service the maintenance crew and service the flight crew.
Something that says there's got to be seventy five or a hundred people at all times.
Yeah, at least if there's fifty thousand people on that ship, I'd imagine one thousand at a time at the very least. Right.
Just keep all the everything running. So, yeah, maybe the maintenance crew.
Didn't like they said that they lost 30 percent of the samples. Maybe they they also remember when they walked into the corridor or where all the crowd tanks were of the wives, the wives and husbands or whatever, the non-essentials.
They were all gone dead. So it's possible that the maintenance crew didn't make it.
And you would need maintenance crew to constantly do upkeep on a ship.
Is there dirt at all in space? That's what I have. No, but we have the we have the it's a back a cock.
There's dust or cock a cock. There's a spider. There was a spider in the vent. Yeah.
Which didn't make sense to me. Oh, I mean, unless they're keeping your on. Yeah.
I mean, I guess if you're sitting a whole world, basically, you're going to have animals.
You're going to have. Why would they send all those like would you really?
Would you need a cow? Well, yeah, you would. But two cows. So you can see that the cows would fuck up the world that you're sending them to.
Well, destroy the ecosystem. Also, it's got an interesting thought.
Do you think that if you were to bring cows, spiders, all the stuff, all the stuff, right?
Do you think that they would instinctively know to like stick with humans like aren't you're building an art?
No, no, no. But what I'm saying is when you get to the planet, you get to the planet and you drop everything off.
You now have animals that exist on this planet.
Do you think that they having come from another world would stick with like the other animals that came and humans like stick to the things that they are aware of?
Or do you think that they would fly off?
Like, do you think some birds would come in and go like, oh, well, this feels like winter to me.
I'm going to fly what I think is south time to go and hopefully there's some land there.
Or is that just migration patterns that birds have learned on Earth this whole time?
Also, do you think that like cows would come out or like dogs even you think like a dog would be like, I need to stick with these humans because I don't know what's out there or like would it be comfortable?
It'd be interesting because like a bird birds use the magnetic field to fly.
So it would have a different magnetic field. So would birds just be crashing into ship?
It'd be weird.
Fly whatever the polls told them to if there are polls on that planet.
I don't really know how that would work as far as because but I guess we'd have to ask Elon.
He says he's doing it on Mars.
People in this movie didn't really think that clearly.
They're just like, oh, there's another planet. Looks like it supports life.
Send the last bastion of humans before the Earth gets literally.
And then as soon as he wakes up and he realized the ship's all fucked up, he's like, you know what?
Let's get our wives.
Let's wake them up and bring them into this mess with us, not fix it first and then get them.
He's like, no, I'm horny. Let's.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Are you talking about after the Ben Foster realizes our wives are on the ship?
Oh, you know, wait, the wife isn't on there.
And he finds out that is his first that is his first thought.
Like, let me go get my wife. But that's a thought you would have is like, let me go save my wife.
Yeah. But I will say that they didn't think this through because the we find out the biggest twist is they're not in space.
That the whole time they've been on the planet, they've been there for hundreds of years.
It looks like that. And which is awesome.
I thought that was a great twist. And then he releases all the pods, which is very cool.
I love that ending. How like the 50,000 people or whoever's remaining.
Wait a minute. In the beginning, it shows the ship flying through space. Yeah.
Yeah. But then that also could have been a flashback to the Pandora era.
Oh, yeah. No, because it's it's they're underwater.
They've been there for a minute. They've been there for a while.
Like, I think that's or or they crashed and that woke up Ben Foster.
So this whole time they've been it's just been sinking and whatever.
And that's why everything's malfunctioning.
That's why you got flying before he wakes up. So, yeah.
So, yeah. OK, so maybe just landed or whatever.
But I like that the first thing humans do when they land in this new world is litter.
Not only do they litter a spaceship in the water, but all those pods,
their doors pop off and just land in the ocean and drip to go to the floor.
Well, that's fucked up that the first thing you do to their oceans drop tons of metal into their fucking ocean.
And this was supposed to be a trilogy, which would have been interesting if they were going to then go to
if the next movie would have been them on that planet.
I would have loved to have watched a colonization movie with Ben Foster leading this new group or maybe even not leading it.
Maybe he doesn't want to have anything to do with it.
He just hooks up with that French chicken, you know, whatever.
Got to repopulate, baby. Got to repopulate, baby.
Interesting. I didn't know that it was going to be a trilogy.
Yeah, but it didn't make it up my own self.
I didn't expect this movie to remind me of After the Dark.
In what way?
When he talks about the cautionary tale about Pandorum.
It just cuts to that scene where the guy just loses his fucking mind and just launches everyone in his face.
I'm like, oh, yeah, that movie that I didn't like.
We get it. You didn't like fucking After the Dark.
The Philosopher, which I still like.
I liked the one part of it where he just makes he makes this dude gay and then fucks his girlfriend in his mind.
I mean, that is pretty alpha move.
Made me a gay guy that works with flowers and fucking my girlfriend.
Fucked her for 12 months.
12 months and I'm so stressed out that I can't get her fucking pregnant, dude.
How do you feel about that?
Crazy.
Yeah. So let's rate this thing, dude.
What?
Boy, it's a tough one for me to rate.
I just have three notes left.
They're just really short.
Twenty four billion people.
Holy fuck.
Title screen looks like a TV show title screen.
Laser shaving.
And at the end, the Senator looks like semen.
That laser shaving was cool.
I like his razor.
And it did look like you got a facial or something.
I was just talking about the semen.
No, the injection that each that Dennis Quaid tries to give himself to make the Pandora go away.
It just shows the little like liquid there.
I'm like, oh, yeah.
Didn't he shoot?
But then he gives that dude right in the eye with it, which is a fucking cool way to kill it.
Right. Doesn't he shoot the fucking cannibal dude?
The bill can or how do you say it?
Cannibal Cosby.
Yeah.
Cool.
So I'm giving it a solid C plus because I do think atmosphere.
It's fucking pretty good.
It's a pretty good space horror movie.
I think it's maybe it's not as good as Sunshine, which I think is probably the best space for.
Well, I say the best, but then you got to think of all the aliens movies, the Predator movies and all that stuff.
But maybe I think Sunshine is up there being tough if you guys are familiar with that.
But that's like just a ship that goes out to restart the sun because it and but somebody on the ship starts going like insane and starts killing people.
It's good. But it's a common theme in these space movies is the going insane in space.
How I mean, I know it's totally made up.
They're saying Pandora is made up.
But do you suppose I mean, we've not really had astronauts to go up there.
They don't seem to go insane, but when they're there for a couple of years.
But I wonder if there's any truth to it.
They're not going insane.
No. Yeah. To the insane part of it.
No, I'm saying to the space travel making you insane.
I think anybody can go insane for any reason.
I feel like if you put someone in a lighthouse for too long, they can go insane.
If you put someone in solitary confinement for too long, it's the solitariness of it.
If you have a cruise ship like the Wally cruise ship that all the fat humans are on at the end of it.
If you have that, I don't think people would go insane because you're on a party ship.
You're on a it has all the things that you have on home.
I don't think it's the fact that you're not.
I mean, maybe there would be there's definitely going to be earth separation.
Like if you're up there, you're going to be like, oh, God, it sucks.
It sucks that I'll never be able to feel the sun on my skin, be able to smell air that's not been manufactured, you know, touch grass that's been, you know, like just random grass.
Like, you know what I mean? Like you'll get rid of the nature aspect.
But for someone like me who does everything they can to not be in nature as much as possible, I would be fine in space.
If you put me in space and just gave me like if it's one of those arch ships and you gave me a park in the middle that had trees and grass and artificial sun,
and I'd be so happy because think about it, the ship would be designed with temperature control and comfort in mind.
Right. So I'm sure that my pod, my room that I sleep in or whatever, I could turn the temperature down to like sixty five degrees and it would stay there constantly.
And I'd be able to like and it wouldn't be a drain on the systems or anything.
Every book ever written, every movie, every book, everything available.
Because you would put the arc, you put all of entertainment on there and they would be accessible to everybody.
So, yeah, you would be you just play video games, watch movies and be like going on a cruise almost like.
Yeah. So, yeah, I don't think it would drive me insane. I wouldn't get Pandora.
But C plus for me, I'm going to go C minus. I mean, it wasn't bad.
By the way, everybody, our rating system here at Friday Rice Podcast, we do things a little bit differently.
We start with B and we work our way down to F. We don't have any A's here. Forget about A's.
It doesn't happen. But we have a special place in hell called the W, which is a waste of time.
So that's that being said, my C plus, if you were going to really look at it, is a little higher than you might think.
But C plus, that being said, what was yours again? I'm so sorry.
I'm going to give it a C minus.
C minus with Pandora. What's going to be that out of five?
Oh, yeah, we'll figure it out.
OK, or caucus. Yeah, or caucus, caucus, it's about three or three or caucus. Yeah.
Yeah. So right now I'm at like three point five or caucus, caucus, it's all right.
And I'm a solid D. If you like your sci fi with a dose of what the hell's going on and don't mind feeling like you just shower after you watch it.
This is the movie for you. So that didn't do it for you.
You didn't like the grime. It's the it's no, I think the set design is great. The graphics are good.
It's just the it's the claustrophobic of it all.
The darkness, if you can see what's going on half the time, you you're trying to see what's going on.
I spent a lot of this movie going, what is in that corner over there?
It's so dark, you know, like and there's some terrifying stuff to that darkness that brings some terrifying stuff.
Like when they're in the cock up pit and just the white of their eyes.
And yeah, anyway, I'm going to be a solid D two and a half sweaty space nightmare.
I think I think we're cock a cock up. So we're looking at a solid C.
Which actually we're looking at C minus. So we're looking at a at a like a two point five three.
I'd say three with the average or cock a cock a pits five or cock a cock a pits.
All right. Pandora. Perfect.
Now, Austin, who thought he had to pick last week and was disappointed because he didn't get to pick it.
He's I wasn't disappointed. I like to be proper.
It goes to Austin. I can't keep up with the rotation.
You're next. So it's started with Brennan.
It's Mike and Andy than me now.
No, I mean, I don't know. I can just do it.
I have all the pages written down. Look, it's just what about Bob, which was Brennan, one ranger, which was Mike Pandora, which was you.
So, yeah, Brennan, Mike, Andy, me.
I go here. It wouldn't have been Brennan this week anyway.
Yeah. Final cut. So it's always it's always Mike, Andy, Austin, Brennan, Mike, Andy, Austin, Brennan.
So I just went. It's your turn. Mike, Andy, Austin, Brennan.
So Brennan will be after Mike, Andy. Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, that's what he said.
So it's you and then Brennan. Yeah. Then you. Yeah.
You just went by. No, I just have one ranger. Yeah, I know.
Last week. I remember. OK. All right.
So the movie is going to be to be please to be drum roll.
The movie is. Oh, let Andy get his.
I was going to write down. I like how my my notebook is just a really big version of yours.
Anyone. What am I typing in? King of the Avenue.
Oh, yeah. Warcraft was right there to be taken right on the front page.
What was the Avenue? I was so excited. Warcraft was on the front page.
That's the old movie I watched a long time ago, kind of a crime drama movie.
OK, so I'm already being rain.
I'm feeling this another two thousand and nine movie being Rames and Simon Rex.
Simon Rex is like this drug dealer that's living a double life.
He has like a normal house with like a wife and kid.
And then he has his drug dealing house. He's a drug lord.
But he wants to be the biggest drug lord in Miami.
And so he makes a deal with the devil to bring back his late stepdad, who is being Rames, to get him up in the drug.
All right. Well, it sounds really in our wheelhouse of B movies that we typically watch.
I feel like these guys are either going to hate it or they're going to like like, you know, I like it.
They're going to be made to hate. I like being amazing.
I feel like no one's going to be really amazed by it.
But I like being Rames. I like as far as the Faustian trope of making deals with the devil.
You know, I'll take me a devil went down to Georgia. I'll take, you know, the the man that what's that?
The Brothers Grimm. They have that the jacket story, which I think is a good devil deal.
I like the Mephisto deal that Peter Parker makes to have the world forget that he's Peter Parker.
So and I also like be dazzled, the one with Brendan Frazier and Elizabeth Hurley.
So when it comes to deals with the devil, it's one of my favorite subgenres of mythology.
Just like I like time travel as a sub sub genre of science fiction.
I like dealing with the devil as a as a mythology. So I'm actually into this. I think this is going to be pretty cool.
So next week, King of the Avenue, twenty oh nine. Like I was going to say earlier,
that's going to be great. You mentioned Warcraft was on the front page of to be Ben Foster in Warcraft.
Yeah, interestingly enough, time for record recommendations.
Let's go for recreational recommendations. That's going to be fifty five minutes.
OK, so anybody got anything?
This one's a little different. Not a movie, not a book is just a YouTube channel.
Well, kind of three of them sort of is these predator catching channels where they they pose as like kids online to meet older guys.
No, not Tali. No, he got in trouble. He did it like one time.
I think he was just happened to be there.
Also, there's a lot of rumors going around that he pays a bunch of people to be in those videos and they're fake.
So he makes some crazy shit happen so we can get views.
But I'm not talking about him talking about guys who professionally have YouTube channels to go around and catch predators.
And two of them are like my favorites right now, which is Predator Catchers and Skeeter Jean and Skeeter Jean goes about it.
He's this like big black dude, but he acts and dresses like Chris Hansen.
And he finds like little fun like he he basically just uses everything.
But then he's like he's like saw or he's like he'll have a guy come in, meet with the decoy who's like an actual of age woman.
But he thinks as a kid and they hang out in the house and he just comes out of a room is like, hey, what are you doing?
What do you have to say for yourself? And he's like, tell you what, you guys were playing Mortal Kombat.
I'll tell you, you play Mortal Kombat with me. If you win, we won't call the cops.
Oh, and Skeeter Jean's really good at Mortal Kombat.
But he's like they're they're they're showing the video of him hanging out with the decoy and then Skeeter Jean's like it cuts to him like being interviewed.
He's like, as I could see, this predator is a typical subzero main.
And I think I've got this in the bag with him like and they.
So that's one thing kicks his ass. Yeah, he kicks his fucking ass.
And then there's a whole bunch of different ones like there's one where they they have the predator go take a shower and then he comes in.
It's Christmas time and he's or no, he comes in there dressed as a wizard and he's like, I'm a very powerful wizard.
It's just Chris Hansen. But if Chris Hansen had a sense of humor about the whole thing.
Oh, sure. Those are great. So those are also real because cops actually really show up and arrest the guys.
And yeah. And then that's that's one of them.
There's a whole bunch of predator catchers. And the other one is this one.
I was just talking about Skeeter Jean, Skeeter Jean with G E N E or J E A N.
Skeeter G J E A N. So like the fabric. Yeah.
OK. And then there's predator catchers, which is like this big burly dude with like a beard.
And he just has like a manila folder and he just goes up to wherever these fucking guys are that they've been messaging their decoys.
Like usually at their house, sometimes at their work.
And these videos are way longer. They're like an hour long.
It gets kind of boring, but it's fun to have in the background. Sure.
He'll just walk up. He's like, hey, are you are you John?
Are you Ryan Khan? And he's like, look, I'm Ryan.
He's like, look, we did. And then he's like, as soon as he confirms who they are, he opens the Manila folders.
I look, we got to talk about your messages with Emily really quick. I'm not trying to get you in trouble.
I don't think you're a bad guy. I just think we need to talk about this.
And he just talks to him for like a whole hour, gets him to admit all this shit under the guise of like, look, you're just a guy like going on,
talking to these girls or looking at images you shouldn't be looking at on these groups.
I want to find the people who are making this stuff.
So you're just you're just, you know, the crony on the street. I don't care about you. I want the big dog.
I want to make the guys like, OK, yeah, I'll help you.
So he's like, tell me what did you see? What did you download? Blah, blah, blah.
And the guy tells him all this shit. He's like, I got this on my phone.
I got that on my phone on this phone in your pocket right here. Yeah.
And while he's doing that, the guys that are filming him in a car far away are calling the cops.
And then the cops just read. So that guy thinks the copter is randomly showing up for him.
The predator catcher guy, I think his name is Alex.
He's like, don't worry, I got your back. Don't worry.
And as soon as the cop shows up and asks him what's going on, he's like, so he just admitted he has all the shit on his phone.
He has this. He has that. He just completely destroys all trust that this predator had at him.
So I was watching. It's funny you brought up all the predators or not.
Well, the predator catcher guys, because I think it was August the Duck, the YouTuber that I just watched.
I just watched somebody talk about these to catch a predator shows, but not Skeeter Jean.
Predator catchers, I think they mentioned they also mentioned Battalion stuff.
But what's great, do they show how long the guy gets after?
Like, do they do any follow up? Because a lot of the time, sometimes these guys, it's hard to do these channels on YouTube because YouTube sensors a lot or takes videos down.
So they go on rumble. And then that's where you get all the updates, which I don't pay for that.
So I don't I don't really know. But they he mentions like, yeah, we've caught like 30 guys in like 20 different states.
Here's the thing, though, they from what this guy from what the guy that I was watching the video essay about these dudes was saying, is that a lot of the times these guys actions make it harder to prosecute these dudes.
Yeah. Sometimes these guys get off scot free.
But so did the entire first season of To Catch a Predator, which is professionally done.
Dateline, NBC, all those first guys from the first season of To Catch a Predator completely walked off scot free, did not get in trouble at all.
None of that stuff's court admissible. Embarrassed, embarrassed. Yes.
But yeah, yeah. Then there's these other guys that it doesn't matter if these guys get caught or not, because these guys do the same exact thing.
They lure these guys to like a Wal-Mart and then they just smack the fuck out of them and chase them and yell at them.
Just the most brute force. Is one of them Russian? I don't know. I don't know.
There was a Russian guy on Skeeter Gene that like chases this guy for like an hour. I saw one. I can run really fast. You cannot get to it.
Was it an Asian guy? I've never seen an Asian guy. It's a Skeeter Gene and no, no, no. Getting chased.
No, not that I remember. Because, OK, there must be the same guy.
I was like, I could run all day. I do this all day. I'd run all day. I think that's Skeeter Gene.
I think it was a Russian guy, Skeeter Gene chasing this one dude.
But that other one where there's I don't know what that one is.
It's just they lure the guy and they just put a camera in his fucking face. It's slap him in the fucking head.
And he's all running away. He doesn't do anything back to them. And they're just chasing him.
They fucking like kick their legs. So they trip and fall. They fucking just push him down to the ground.
He'll be like running right behind him and just BAP, just smack him on the fucking side of his head.
And the guy doesn't do anything. It's great. It's great.
And you don't feel bad for them because they're fucking child molesters.
Yeah, nobody cares. You slap them, do whatever you want.
Go do whatever you want. Go go find your local pedophile today. Go beat the shit out of them.
It's like we should have a we should have a purge for pedophiles.
What it should be is like with definite proof because then anyone who just doesn't like someone can just be like.
Oh, sure. With definite proof. I'm talking like to the level of they are in prison or being a pedophile.
What we should do is all of those people, instead of putting them on a sex registry list later,
you put them on a on a like a license to kill list.
So anybody can if they're just feeling like murder, go find one of these fuckers and kill them.
Put the Continental in charge. Yeah. We John Wickham. John Wickham off.
But yeah, I mean, I would love that. I would love to kill.
I got a little bit. But I also do that for violent rapists and murderers.
I mean, actually, I just feel like you should take the most scummiest of people.
I've always said the family should be the one to get to pull the lever. Yeah, it should be the family.
Family should get to decide. Yeah. If you if someone kills so like your child or your wife,
yeah, you should get to decide the punishment and it should be able to be cruel and unusual.
Yeah. And again, we're not that's not America. We've gotten dark.
You got to be reviewing. You got to read nothing. Well, Pandora, that's what's happening to us.
Yeah, it's got dark Pandora. It's a dark room.
Sleep for a long time, Andy. I know I've always got everything.
There's a orca orca is everywhere.
My recommendation this week is a couple of things.
Actually, three things, one of which is just if you get the chance, they're all streaming now or both streaming.
Both the new Godzilla movies back to back.
I've got minus one minus one was great. And then at Godzilla X Kong, you talk about two completely different movies.
They are so different when you watch them back to back. Godzilla minus one is actually a good movie.
It's it's not all just balls to the wall. Fucking right.
Octane action all the time. There's like the human part.
And Andy doesn't like it. I like I like Godzilla minus one better.
I wish that they would get rid of all the human stuff and all the Godzilla.
You like Godzilla. You like the new Godzilla. But I've even watched the 1950s Godzilla like that one.
Well, not bad. Actually, not really that bad. I like the cheesy.
It's like a good beer and pizza thing. And yes, there's there's a human element to the first one as well,
which is what they're paying homage to in minus one. So I get it.
I think even with his choice on this movie this week, you have to realize I don't think Andy likes humans.
Is the problem? Yeah, maybe. But listen, or dog talking dogs talking dog.
But in this situation, I'm OK with the with the you know what it really is.
I'm I'm I think if you really break it down, I am I like an evolutionist guy or whatever, because it's like I'm OK with aliens.
Like if aliens showed up, I'm OK with us surrendering immediately because I'm just like they show anyway.
Right. They showed up in spaceships. What are we going to fucking do? Like, let's just make it easier for them to take over.
Maybe they'll go easy on us when it comes to a Godzilla or a King Kong. Get out of their way.
They win. They're bigger than us. Although at the same time, I think we could beat a Godzilla.
I know that it shows we can't, but I think that's just movie bullshit.
I think that if there was a giant lizard, even if he could eat nukes, I think that you could fuck him up.
I think you could poison him. You could do something like there's a way to kill Godzilla that we haven't found.
I think we should find him. King Kong easily killed. He's a monkey.
I don't know why we didn't fuck. Here's the interesting thing that this week you were talking earlier about about us evolving.
Yeah. Apes have entered the Stone Age. Yeah, I know they've been they fish.
They spear fish. They are creating tools and shit. I still remember that planet Earth commercial where it just shows the monkey using a rock to break a nut.
And like as soon as it like hits the nut, it like flat. Yeah, it's it's actually kind of.
So should we kill all the apes with the question? No, we don't kill them because we are evolving to.
Some of us are listening to books at two point one speed. Anyway, the other and the other thing I watched,
which this is probably maybe you guys have never even heard of it, but years ago,
Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht used to have a show called Digg Nation. Digg Nation. Digg.
It's from the Digg website. Kevin Rose started that many years ago.
OK, Digg Nation. Digg Nation. And they did a reunion this week that I watched.
It was kind of interesting to watch them 25 years later. So if you were a fan of the Digg, there's a Digg Nation documentary or like a reunion.
It's a reunion show. OK, cool. I've never heard of it, so it's not really for me.
But I'm sure there's people out there that are familiar with the website. G4 stuff. It's before. OK, got it.
And you said you had three things. That's two. The two Godzilla's in that.
And I kind of that was one thing. I do have one more.
I didn't know we could do multiple, but I just want to say one thing about Godzilla is just that
I thought Minus One had some great Godzilla scenes. They were very cool. They were very visceral.
I like them. They were cool. And that's it. I thought the story was so fucking boring.
I was like I fell asleep a couple of times trying to watch that. My dad and I went to go see the theaters and we both.
I saw him catching the fusees, too. It's just like there's a lot about X Kong. What do you think about that?
Oh, OK. So versus Kong, I was like, cool. I hope they spend.
I hope the movie is 100 percent just Kong and Godzilla not talking, but just working together.
It's about 92 percent. No.
The moment they bring that little girl in with the sign language that could talk to Kong and there's now there's a whole village of people that live in the middle of the earth.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Monarch and blah blah blah blah blah. I just fucking hate it. I hate every human everything that's ever been in a Godzilla movie.
Oh, look, Brian Cranston. Blah blah blah. Who gives a shit? Godzilla, that one. The only time it's ever worked.
The only time it's ever worked is 1998's Godzilla with Matthew Broderick and Jean Reno.
That's a silly fucking bad movie that everybody love and hates at the same time.
And it just works. Most Godzilla purists don't count that as a Godzilla movie.
And maybe that's why I like it the best when it comes to the human aspect.
What about Monarch? Did you watch Monarch? No, I haven't watched Monarch.
But you're not going to like it. It's mostly human. Yeah.
Brian Cranston did a great job in that movie. He acted his fucking ass.
Who? Brian Cranston in that Godzilla movie. In that first one, the 2016 Godzilla whatever.
Yeah. And also the actor that was. Did he? What was his job? His name? What did he do? Did he have children?
He worked at Monarch. Who was he trying to protect? His fucking wife dies. It gets locked in the fucking chamber.
It was great. It was great seeing him. Oh, yeah. OK.
I do vaguely remember the Dr. Manhattan ripoff scene from Godzilla.
This might be another example. Humans at one and a half speed versus Godzilla at one and a half speed.
He's only one. He actually puts it point five speed when it's just Godzilla and destruction porn.
Yeah. But see, I don't feel the same way about the Transformers movies.
Like, I like the Transformers, but I also want to see what their interactions are with the humans.
I think that's important to what's going on in the Godzilla verse that they've created.
It's Godzilla's protecting Earth from monsters. Do we need anything else? We don't.
If they want to occasionally show. I'll tell you this. If you want humans, this is how you do humans in a Godzilla movie.
This is the only way you do humans in a Godzilla movie.
You open up with humans in a park fucking love story.
They're just having a great day. It's a picnic. It's a family, whatever.
And then exactly like they hear they're the little girls cup of juice starts Jurassic Parking from each stump.
And then it just a foot comes down and kills a family of five.
There's no they don't even get screams out. And then you just hear streaming.
And then you just follow Godzilla. I was going to say I could see that the rest of the movie.
That's the last humans in the movie. That's it. You just once that foot goes down, the camera pans up to Godzilla.
And it's an unbroken shot of him just fucking shit up for an hour and twenty five minutes.
And that's it. That's all we need. And if you want to at the end, throw some Kong in there. Fine.
I don't care. But what I liked about this one, you see Kong set in traps, fighting, fighting shit where those little dinosaurs he fought.
Is that what it was? What do you fight? I like little dinosaurs. Yeah.
And then I like it. He finds another little Kong. He meets other. I that little Kong was cute as hell.
I don't care what you guys are. Yeah, I'm so sorry, guys.
Shit. I forgot that we're not reviewing Kong X Godzilla, whatever the fuck.
Anyway, that's his wreck. You've got another one. I had one more.
And it was this book I just finished called Tender is the Tender is the Flesh.
Don't give away too much because you told me to read that book.
Yeah, I'm just I'm going to go for the blurb on the back of the book.
OK, just it's a dystopian novel. It's very short.
But it's about a world where there's this disease that makes all animals if you eat them, it's fatal to humans.
So they kill all the animals and cannibalism ensues.
But then the government legitimizes cannibalism.
And it follows this guy, Marcos, who works at the meat processing plant for the humans.
And his dad is having dementia. His wife leaves him.
Well, I mean, this sounds like enough. It's all in the fucking blurb of the book that it's when you look at the book and decide if you want to read it or not.
I'm excited at this point. I think you got me hooked.
It's a it's a really fucked up book and it's great.
Yeah, I'm going to I'll spend the credit on it.
It's not an audible plus, which I would prefer.
I'm now realizing I could do all my book reviews on just audible plus catalog books and their way.
I just don't have to spend any more money on it.
I can save up my credits for the new Stephen King stuff that comes out.
But yeah, that sounds awesome.
And I'll do book club on that one with you once you're done.
Excellent. Those are always the best.
I'm going to try to get Sean for that one because he's the one who recommended it to me.
OK, he's become my new GRVP recommendation station.
JRVP. Yeah.
Jessalynic Rosenthal Vanity Project with Anthony Jessalynic and that's right.
Rosenthal did show me that. Yeah.
Yeah, they have the recommendation station website that fan made.
So every time at the end of the at the end of the episode, they do recommendation station where they recommend a book or a movie and all the books they ever
read. Every episode has just been bangers, except now they've taken a hiatus on the show.
So they're probably not going to be back for like another year.
They just episode 250. They're done.
So where do you get the inspiration for recreational recommendation from?
Because you just kind of pop up with this idea.
It's recreational weed. It's totally our own thing.
It is. OK.
And we also do movies. So we only get to do one movie a week.
So that's true. And we don't really talk TV shows very often.
So it is something and I like the dig reunion is sort of a unique sort of vibe.
I haven't really watched or done anything or recommend it.
I'm so busy. The newest Final Fantasy for the eighth time in a row.
No, I can't recommend that.
If we are going video games, Ghost of Tsushima came out on PC.
So if you have a PC that can run it, that's one of the best open world games I've played.
But it's not really. I mean, go fuck it. If you're into video games, go play it.
I don't care. I don't have any recommendations this week.
I didn't really have any. I was too focused on watching all these fucking movies we had to watch.
So very different movies, very different movies.
All God, all three of them, which from you, the audience perspective, that doesn't mean anything.
So we'll just end it here. This has been Friday's podcast.
What did you have more? Oh, OK.
With me as always, it's Austin. He.
Did three hours of stand up to omit the one joke that I set him up for perfectly earlier to do about whatever the fuck it was.
That was another episode from months ago. What are you talking about?
You're absolutely right. I was three hours ago. Farrell.
Or Kaka Kaka.
Check me out on orkakakaka.com.
With me as always, it is Michael.
Fuck you.
Hey, you did it. I didn't have to.
And I'm your host, Andy Rice. This has been Fried Rice podcast.
We've been fried. We've been rice. We've been podcast.
Have a great night.