Mais roads MRI
Yeah.
Yeehaw everybody and welcome to a rootin to busting episode of fried rice podcast.
I'm your rootin tootin host Andy Rice.
Let's get fried like some refried beans.
With me as always is Austin.
He drove three hours to be here and still can't figure out how to turn the fucking knob
on my door.
Did he grow up in a barn?
I sure think he did.
Feral check me out on ogreish with us as always is Michael.
Uh, lucky to be alive.
He's, he's, he's the oldest cow in the pasture.
Uh, he also doesn't know how to close my fucking door right?
Because he also grew up on a fucking barn.
Larsen.
Well, I really did grow up in a fucking bar with us as always.
It's Brennan.
Old Mac Brandon had a farm.
EO EO.
Is that what it is?
How does it go?
How does it do?
Okay, sorry.
Old Mac Brandon had a farm.
Do da, do da.
Old Mac Brandon had a farm.
Oh, the do da day.
Shipley up to Boston.
Something, something.
I don't give a shit.
Shipley.
Hi.
And I'm, I already said it.
I'm your host, Andy Rice.
That accent might be as bad as Thomas James.
Yeah.
I think I nailed it.
That's, that's just about as Western as.
So did he.
I want to, I had two, you didn't see it, but I had two guns in my mind just going pow,
pow, pow everywhere I was walking.
Just fucking boots.
These boots were made for walking.
Now you're, you were doing it with your fingers.
We saw.
Okay, good.
And my dick, you couldn't see.
Is that your cosplay voice you do when you go to tombstone?
It was my Alec Baldwin impression.
You dress like a cowboy.
You go to the bars on the main street in tombstone.
You're just two in character and the bar is like, Jesus fucking Christ, dude.
Hey there, cowboys.
I just walk in.
I'm just trying to start fights.
I want a sarsaparilla.
Sarsaparilla.
Best we could do is eight Oh five.
Whoa, this eight Oh five.
It's like from the future.
Hey, yo five.
I ain't into that liberal shit.
I don't even know why it would be liberal.
I don't go to target.
The only target I care about is out on the gun range.
America.
So this is a well, yeah, fuck it.
Welcome to the show, everybody.
This is Fried Rice podcast where we smoke weed and we eventually talk about movies.
We've been trying to make it shorter and shorter.
The weight, the anticipation, it's there.
It's palpable.
We know.
Well, let's just let's do let's get to know everybody a little bit better in case it's
your first time watching or listening.
Austin, tell us about your week.
You went to California.
What happened there?
I went out of California, stayed at my buddy's house.
My mom happened to also be out in California.
She got a place on the beach in Laguna.
And so we went out there, hung out for a minute, got a good bunch of good shots on my camera,
some surfers and what else did we do?
I can add a buddy that works at Disneyland, got us in for free.
Nice.
Just kind of showed up, got us inside and then left.
It's been a while since I've been the last thing they installed when I went to Disneyland
was cars, cars land.
So it's been a minute since I've been there.
I do remember going on the cars ride, the one where it's two cars chasing each other.
And it's pretty fun.
But what rides did you end up going on?
We only went on Pirates and Space Mountain.
They were like 30 minutes waits.
We got there at like 10 a.m. so pretty kind of early.
Yeah.
And I feel like the best thing you could do is to get there right when it opens.
If you want to ride as many rides as possible.
The wait times just get higher as time goes on.
So we got there mildly early.
I would say the best thing you can actually do and this is what I did when I went to Universal
Studios is you go online and you find some fucking person that made a guide.
Someone out there has definitely made guides to Disneyland.
Someone made a guide to Universal Studios.
There's a million YouTubers out there that are, we're Disney adults and those people
get a lot of flack for going to Disneyland all the time.
As adults and they give you guides and everything.
Listen.
People give me shit for going to Disneyland in my 30s.
I didn't go to Disneyland in my 30s.
I went to free Disneyland in my 30s.
I just got to say that right now.
I want to go now.
There's nothing wrong.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to go to amusement park.
It doesn't matter if it's Disney or not.
Disney defined our childhood.
Oh, it apparently matters.
It apparently matters.
Disney owns Marvel so everyone can suck my dick if they don't think I'm allowed to go
to the Marvel amusement park.
If you don't think I want to pilot the damn ship, you're crazy.
Like to my Guardians or Star Wars?
No, Star Wars.
Yes, you see.
Oh, it's I'm so lame because I want to go to Star Wars Marvel theme park.
Go fuck yourselves.
Whoever says that, they can suck a fat dick, dude.
Like, oh, you like Marvel and Star Wars, you faggot?
No, like what the fuck?
No, fuck them, dude.
Like that's who they are.
They have no, like they are pieces of shit if they can't let themselves.
Isn't Disney also Indiana Jones?
Yes, Indiana Jones.
Yeah.
So speaking of pirates, because my so speaking of pirates, the Caribbean, that ride, a one
of my he's passed away now, but a guy that taught me storytelling, it was one of the
one of the storytelling teachers at Camp Bravo was his name is Mark Lewis.
And he is an Emmy winning.
Yet he did like a storytelling thing for children that won a bunch of Emmys.
He's been on Jay Leno a few times to tell like the Halloween stories, whatever.
But anyway, he is one of the voices of one of the pirates in the on the ride.
That's like for like when they first started the ride, it might have been revamped since
then.
They changed a lot from what I remember.
They added Jack Sparrow to a lot of parts, but his part subtracted also the auction of
the women.
And now I think there was a weird chases them in instead of the men.
There's also a one where that was actually broken.
They were just standing in one spot.
Well, I think he might still be one of the pirates because he was one of the just like
in not a it's not like a thing that they would change.
But like I think just like kind of a transition area area.
But maybe who knows?
I've been there a while.
School that talks before you know, before you enter.
That would be a big time.
And I want my old Disney back where the men were allowed to rape the women.
Well, OK, hold on.
Let's address this for.
Oh, you're talking about pirates.
OK.
Yeah.
It took me a second to just be like, wait a minute.
Did just Mike say something incredibly out of pocket right now for no reason?
Mike's just his old age is showing and he's just like, I want women to be raped in Disney
movies.
Where's Song of the South?
I like Zippity Doo-Dah.
Well, you know, I edit the sound bites for this podcast, right?
You like the one I did where it was you saying all that shit about you.
You also made it sound like I pissed my pants every day in fifth grade from playing tag
when that's absolutely someone I know that I was telling a story about.
And then you were berating yourself for it.
Yeah.
That you're like, how does nobody not tell you?
Yeah, I know.
God, it sounds like I was going through something.
Mike, did you have an interesting week?
Yeah, just interesting and work.
Just work, work, work.
It's been a long week.
So yeah, nothing interesting.
Brandon, anything interesting?
Any stories from your kids you want to share?
You want a bottle of water?
Yeah, maybe.
But I'm good right now.
The last bong rip got me.
But yeah, no, my my youngest lately has been definitely he's he's been watching too much
bluey.
I can tell because he'll like stop and he'll put his hand up.
He's like, I have an idea.
So isn't any bluey too much bluey?
Is that what they do with the show?
Yeah, I have an idea.
You let your kid watch bluey.
I love bluey.
I got to show you a video that we watched on the completely compromised podcast.
Is that the serial killer one?
You know, I'll just tell you right now.
We'll show you after.
OK.
And you'll immediately make your kid not watch that.
There's someone was on the Internet looking at videos and they recognize bluey and it
was a Harlem Shake video.
And it's a guy standing on a toilet.
Oh my God, we're not the completely compromised.
My Pokemon just leveled up.
Sorry.
But yeah, when it when it breaks down the Harlem Shake, there's a guy laying like on
his neck with his back against the wall next to the toilet that Bluey is standing on and
Bluey shits on the guy's dick.
So that's the guy who makes all your kids.
That's the guy who makes the movie or makes bluey.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
I think that's the creator of Bluey, is he?
I thought he was Bluey.
I don't watch children's content.
I just know not good.
Bluey, not Bluey bad.
Bluey, do that thing.
I think that's not Bluey.
I think that's the other guy, the Paul Reiser.
No, you're thinking of being here with Mr. Bing or something.
Mr. Blippier.
Blippi.
There we go.
Blippi.
Oh, my God.
He almost just had the worst take on Bluey anyone's ever had.
They like it's like, oh, remember Bluey that cartoon everyone?
That was the guy with Paul Reiser in the bathroom, right?
The guy from Bluey.
Who's Paul Reiser?
Peewee.
Peewee Herman.
Oh, OK.
Wait.
Peewee Herman did nothing wrong.
That's what I said.
Bluey was in the bathroom.
Bluey masturbated in a public area.
It was a porn theater where people masturbate at.
Right.
It would be weird to not masturbate there.
I don't think.
Tell us more about this.
I don't think it was a porn theater.
I think it was a theater where they showed porn, but that's different.
It literally was a porn theater.
Yeah.
I see your takes on this.
It's like seeing Brad Pitt.
I think that's one of those weird ones where they show like faces of death.
They got Snow White on one screen and fucking a different.
Snow White and then Snow covered in white goo.
They're not playing the Avengers movies there.
Yeah.
You said we weren't completely compromised.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Brad Pitt was at a glory hole where people get their dicks sucked.
You know what he was doing there?
He was getting his dicks sucked.
What a piece of shit.
Fair enough.
I think it's because he was a children's entertainer.
It's like if you found out that Big Bird was jerking off in a theater.
You know?
Well, obviously that's.
Wasn't there something up with like one of the.
Well, Elmo.
Sesame Street.
Yeah.
The guy that puppeted Elmo was puppeting kids, I think, or trying to.
Don't let your kids watch any kids content anymore.
Hang out with the people that create it.
Listen, adult perverted adults are making your children's entertainment.
So just keep that in mind.
You think all those thoughts that you have secretly going on in your head are just yours
alone?
No.
Every fucked up perverted adult in this world has weird, stupid thoughts going on in their
head and they're the ones making your kids content.
So watch out.
That's why I watch Futurama with my five year old.
Yeah.
Futurama was made for adults.
My wife hates it.
She's.
She hates it.
That's why we watch Carrie with my grandchild.
Is that the Ricky Gervais one?
The Carrie Diaries?
No.
Yeah, the Carrie Diaries.
Carrie.
Yeah.
OK.
Which one?
The first one.
The Diaries.
The Carrie Diaries.
Yeah.
She loved it.
Sure.
Man, that's a great idea, actually, Carrie.
I might think about doing that for our Halloween specials coming up.
In months from now.
Months from now.
Way to talk about it first.
Mike.
So anyway, this week.
We haven't done what we're doing.
Oh, I just I hung out with my buddy Sean last night.
It was fun.
Oh, so I work at a pizza place and I make pizzas all the time.
But last night I went over to Sean's house.
He brought out his pizza maker, his little pizza oven.
He's got like this wood pizza stone fire oven thing.
Yeah, I love those.
Flash cooks pizzas.
Yeah.
It's like 600 and something degrees.
Yeah, they get hot.
650 degrees, yeah.
Hot.
And so anyway, he made a perfect little pizza, cooked it.
And then I stepped in and I was like flipping the dough in the air and everything was fucking
great.
And I made it nice and thin.
And then we couldn't quite get it on the spatula thing.
And I got impatient and I just pulled and I fucked everything up and I got shit everywhere.
And then we put it in the oven.
Anyway, I have a picture.
I'll show you guys and you as professional pizza cooks yourself.
You tell me if I'm fired for one breaded because this is a travesty.
I was definitely impressed when my dad got one of those and he made his first like pizza
on that.
Like he was he went for like straight Neapolitan style pizza.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, luckily, we don't do pizza that way where we work.
So this is you don't have to worry about sliding it in and sliding it out.
I don't think anyone does pizza that way anywhere.
They work.
Yeah, they do.
Well, did you that way?
Yes.
Fair enough.
Sex pizza.
Yeah, it looks like a dissected frog.
Yeah, it looks gross.
It's one of the worst things I've ever done.
Talking all that shit about Peewee Herman.
I know.
And pizzas over here.
Yeah, I I'm worse than Peewee Herman for sure.
Don't quit your day job.
I can't.
Please don't fire me.
Listen to more of these episodes so Andy can quit his job.
Yeah.
So let's get into.
Oh, yeah.
What are we smoking?
I'll write down the time code.
I won't do anything with that information, but let me write it down.
14 minutes in.
What are we smoking?
A record, I think.
Yeah.
Of what?
Oh, quickness.
Getting into what are we smoking?
Usually it says like 52 minutes and 30 seconds.
I just can't wait to talk about one ranger.
I'm fucking full to the goddamn brim about this one.
OK, so what are we smoking?
What do we what did you pack?
Brendan?
This is DJ 91 from Cali Bud Farms.
I got it from THC.
It's got 27 percent THC.
I'm not sure if it's a hybrid or Indica or any of that.
It doesn't really say, but it's OK.
But I also brought for a little bit later one of my favorite sativas, Blue Dream and
a one gram Jeter.
Fuck yeah.
I went to the store, I got Jeters.
It's our it's our choice, but I got sativas because that's the way to go now.
I got Maui Waui's.
I got that Sour Tsunami's.
That's an Indica.
And Tropicali, of course, and. Strawberry sour.
So that's what we went to sativa.
We got down to about an hour and a half hour and 40 on our episodes instead of 230.
You're welcome, ladies and gentlemen, if you want to know if you're just if you get one
thing out of this podcast, just know that when we're on Indica, she lasts a lot longer.
There's a lot more tangents.
Which this this feels kind of Indica.
So it's going to start out that way.
Yeah.
As the dead airs are smoking.
They're going to learn.
They're going to learn that the dead airs when Andy DeSas hit the bowl.
The dead air, ladies and gentlemen, is just my co-host, not co-hosting.
It's almost like a running bit now.
Yeah, we all just kind of started in easy.
I'll make a compilation for that.
Yeah.
Compilation of silence.
It's a silent episode.
Bogg it.
Silence.
Flipping out.
Silence.
Fucking pissed.
It's like my door knob and all this shit.
You should make the compilation where he flips out and then immediately just tangents about
Buffy for like an hour.
Speaking of which, thank you.
I am actually listening to a podcast where they're rewatching Buffy and I'm obsessed.
I love it.
It's making it so that I don't have to rewatch it because now I can just get it done and
you know, just blood while driving and I don't have to look at my phone.
It's so good.
This has nothing to do with anything, but thanks for bringing up Buffy.
I just I've been on a Buffy kick.
Well, no, I do have a question about that.
Don't even give them the plug or anything.
Oh, yeah.
It's called the rewatcher.
It's on Wondry or wherever you find podcasts.
It's very good.
It's by the two women who host a podcast called the Morbid podcast, which is way more popular.
Like I think they're like I went to their Instagrams.
They have like three hundred and fifty thousand a piece.
So they're like huge.
But yeah, but this one I like I might listen to more of it down the line.
Did they respond to you?
No, no, no.
I think but they know about the movie.
I find out now.
So when I got to episode 20, by that point, they it sounded like they didn't know that
there was a Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie that took place beforehand because they're
literally asking questions about like, oh, did she have a watcher previously to Giles?
Did she like know like why did she just come in and like kind of know the vampires existed?
And I'm like, well, that's all explained in the movie.
And so I messaged them.
I was like, hey, you know, there's a movie and I love the show.
Yeah, I don't think they have a bunch of fans.
I don't think they'll ever get back to me.
But now I'm on episode like 40 and they finally one of the chicks is like, oh, well, there's
a movie.
I don't really talk about it much, but we can just move on.
I was like, what?
But you're leaving things out, right?
You can't just you can't just pretend it doesn't exist.
But maybe they're saving it for after.
Let's say you should put on a comment every time.
Like, what about the movie?
Just every release the movie cut.
Speaking of release the movie cut, I guess.
I don't know.
Let's just bring it bring it home.
We thanks to Mike Michael Larson, we watched the movie One Ranger 2023.
It's on Tubi starring Thomas Jane, Dominique Tipper, Rachel Wild, Jess Landon.
And then, of course, John Malkovich, who is probably my favorite part of the movie.
But so OK, Mike last week was like, you know what we haven't done is a Western.
Well, guess what?
We still haven't.
No, not.
I don't know why this is the very first thing it says.
You pull it up on Tubi says Western.
Just because fucker has a hat, doesn't make it so.
Exactly.
But yeah, I love how Mike's like, well, we haven't done a Western.
I don't know anything about this movie.
I saw Thomas Jane in a hat.
Let's go for it.
It's called One Ranger, kind of like the dumbest way to get a title, by the way, where it's
just like back in 1887, one guy.
I would like the story is cool, but then it just sort of focused on he was just one ranger
and that's the true story of the Texas Rangers.
That was that part is true.
That was the story.
I didn't know that was like the Texas Ranger.
Yeah, the whole thing.
Yeah.
He's a Texas Ranger and that was just back story.
I know he's a Texas Ranger.
I didn't know that was the backstory of all the Rangers.
OK.
All right.
That's OK.
That was the only cool.
That was like the coolest part.
Best part of the whole movie.
The opening, the opening fucking writing.
Well, I do actually like the whole opening where he's tracking down that drunk Native
American guy.
It starts out kind of like a Western, a modern Western.
It starts out feeling like.
It just devolves.
Well, it shows that he's a tracker.
Yeah.
Well, it starts out feeling kind of like old country or no country for old men.
And then it quickly changes.
Yeah, the pacing of it.
Yeah, it quickly changes.
It's not the Punisher.
Yeah.
I thought it was going to be Western Punisher vibes.
Well, OK.
There's a few standout scenes.
We'll get into it.
But because I will say there's one scene that might just as far as action, these type of
movies go might be my favorite thing I've seen.
And that, of course, is when he's at home.
He hears someone at his door.
He then kicks the fucking door open and immediately just punches the fucking dude in the face
like he doesn't fuck around.
And I like that.
He kicks the door open, walks, walks up, punches the guy.
And then she's like, hey, we're police.
He's like, all right.
And then he just doesn't apologize.
Nothing.
Just come on in.
Yeah.
You know.
But anyway, opens up with him looking great with a mustache.
He just looks good.
He looks like a cool Texas Ranger.
He does look the part.
He looks the part.
I wrote movies trying to do something racist about having the Native American guy also
have a bottle of whiskey that he stole.
Why couldn't he have just stolen the gun and fucked off?
Why do you also have to drink an entire bottle of whiskey while he was out there?
I didn't like that.
Oh, and then.
OK.
So they're they're hanging out.
Then we get the call that some bank robbers just fucking robbed a bank killed four cops.
This is important.
They killed four cops.
They're on the run in this cool, like, off road vehicle.
They're being chased down by two other cops in a pursuit vehicle.
My first note was there's no way that expedition is keeping up with the offer.
No, but it somehow does.
Oh, no, they get they have a tire issue or something.
Yeah, they pull over.
The cops show up.
They kill those cops.
Real fucking quick.
Yeah.
Six cops dead.
OK, one.
Keep this in mind.
Six cops dead.
Now.
They get back on the road.
We have Thomas Jane.
He pulls out the ancient Native American rifle, which is right that they stole from the tribal
people or that the other guy did.
And then he quickly down unders a shot into the engine of the off road vehicle.
You guys know what quickly down under is.
We know what it is.
I haven't seen it quickly.
No, I think it's Tom Selleck.
Is it Tom Selleck or is it Tom Selleck?
Tom Selleck is a guy who goes to Australia.
He's an American cowboy kind of dude.
He goes to Australia or maybe Canadian cowboy, but he goes to Australia and there's a scene
where they give him a rifle and he gets a bullet and the guys like, we'll see how good
of a shot you are.
And the dude takes a bucket and starts riding a horse out and he stops like where it would
normally stop for like a long shot.
Quick is like, man, just keep going.
And the guy just keeps going and keeps going and keeps going until like everyone's just
like, nah.
And then he puts the bucket down and quickly fucking nails it.
And that's every time I see anybody take the impossible long shot.
Now it's a quickly down under shot and that's what this is.
So he does that.
It's the engine knocks him out, kills a couple.
Okay.
Now he's killed a few of their men.
They've already killed six cops.
This is important because he then one of the dudes gets the native American guy at gunpoint.
Thomas Jane puts down his weapons.
The American guy doesn't have any weapons.
That dude throws them away and runs leaving Thomas Jane with his guns.
Now he's killed six cops, maybe not him personally.
Maybe he's only killed one or two of these cops.
But that dude, that guy, the Mexican guy who was part of this robber gang has killed police
officers.
Why did he hesitate on Thomas Jane right then and there?
Thomas Jane is like, well, you got me.
Put his guns down and then he should have just turned the AK, lit them up, ran away.
Part of this is unspoken, but there's like a rule in Texas that you don't fuck with Texas
Rangers.
It's a, it's.
But how would he know he was a Texas Ranger?
I don't think he did.
The hat.
I think he was wearing a badge at the time.
The hat.
The hat gave it away, man.
Come on.
It was the voice, the voice that he was overdoing.
Yeah, the hat.
The hat, the voice, the mustache.
That's Texas Ranger.
It's the mustache.
Oh, did you notice all the Spanish speaking parts?
The subtitles just said, uh, driver speaking Spanish.
Yeah.
I, I think I had subtitles on my version, which I watched in a different way.
I watched it on a different streaming service and it had, I think it had some of the, some
of the Spanish.
But then when it goes to a music scene, it tells you exactly the name of the song and
the band.
And the lyrics.
Yeah.
No, it was doing some of the subtitles at other times when it was not important to the
plot.
It just did.
So the guy in charge of the subtitles was.
You mean Mexicans.
The guy running the subtitles was just a metalhead that did not speak Spanish.
He's like, Oh, I know that song.
Like, let's go some fucking Atlantis.
Yeah.
And then they thought, then they thought, uh, Oh yeah.
Well the Mexico, Mexico, Spanish, fuck it.
Budget cuts.
Then we get way more naked Thomas Jane than I wanted.
Just that, that's that side profile just of like his naked body laying with that chick.
I was like, I don't, all right, whatever.
That's a choice director.
You really wanted to start the day off with like a naked Thomas Jane getting out of bed.
Whatever.
It's okay.
I just, what?
He does look good though for his age.
So he has a, uh, Mike first sight of titties at 12 minutes and 26 seconds that you're nodding.
Why are you nodding?
You know what they are?
No, I don't even remember it.
You're like, you're agreeing.
Like, yep.
I remember clearly it's a poster in the background, this French poster where there's a, a son,
a fire goddess, uh, who's, who's half naked and she's encroaching on this like man who's
crying.
And it says, uh, for me, the fairy phosphor for or whatever, sense.
And I looked it up and it's a $3,000 like poster painting thing that you get at auction
houses.
If you type in those words, the exact image from the movie pops up, but the only websites
that sell it are auction houses for like two to three grand.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
And you can go to images on Google and you can like find one so you can make it like
your wallpaper on your, on your background or your desktop, whatever.
But just thought that was interesting.
I don't know what the connection is.
I don't know what the director.
I think it's the only titties in the movie because that's one of my notes was, how do
they go to a, how do they go to a titty bar and there's no titty?
20 minutes in on the bumper sticker of one of the trucks says boobies.
So that's the second pair of titties I already thought.
So these are murderous like cartel guys that help terrorist organizations for titties,
but they support breast cancer.
Then it was the best door open of all fucking time.
Thomas Jane just kicks that door open, punches a fucking guy right in the face.
And that was straight Punisher.
That's, that's what I wrote that.
It's fine.
Punisher fight choreography is not too bad.
That's actually the most part of the movie is one of my notes is the gunplay is horrendous,
but the fight choreography is wrong.
Yeah.
The gunplay is a little unrealistic.
And what I mean by that is there is a moment where she shoots a guy in the head.
He just kind of shrugs it off and then a bunch of dudes pull out full blown machine guns.
And with her having no cover whatsoever, open up fire on her, but I'm sorry, I forgot all
about the cover of sitting down.
Yeah.
Immediately stopped all of the bullets.
She's like, Nope, not today motherfuckers.
And she sat down and started firing back in every bullet.
Yeah, she crouched.
She crouched.
She odd jobbed it.
You mean when he's about to leave and she's like laying like spread eagle kind of like
all that ass hanging out there, not one bullet like in the bank.
I'm talking about in the bank when they tried to publicly assassinate the agent or Alex,
the main guy, once he goes over to like literally the guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun
is walking up to just shoot.
Yeah.
She's on her back in the exactly.
She's just on her back.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
So stupid.
Yeah.
They, they shoot, you know, 700 bullets and hit nothing.
And then, but when they need to, for plot purposes, nail it every time.
Was that Joel Edgerton as a, the Russian guy, that weird Russian guy that sold him through,
I thought was going to be a way bigger part of the movie, but it was just that one scene.
It's the guy that sold him the, the missile launcher.
Yeah.
I don't know who was.
There was a missile launcher.
Yeah.
I, I did nothing with it.
I tried, look, I fell asleep a few times watching this cause I tried to watch it last night.
Uh, and I was a little too drunk, but I kept, it's like he, what was the terrorist?
Like what was his, what was his whole deal?
What was his problem?
What was his deal?
Yeah.
He was so off the, off the rec, like off the chain that other terrorists were saying, stop
bro.
Literally the guy selling him the nuclear warhead machine to launch it.
The missile launcher goes, you're planning on doing some fucked up shit.
I don't want anything to do with you after this.
He gets a zoom call from the president of terrorism and the president of terrorism was
like, Hey, listen, buddy, we don't want you to do this.
And he's like, I'm going to do it.
I'm ordering them not to fucking do it.
And then he pulls some axle Foley shit.
If we think of this as him as the protagonist, which I'm not, okay.
But at that point in the movie, basically like one of my notes I wrote was his goes
from Declan's friends telling him we're done with you back to the Armstrong hotel, back
to Declan's friends telling them we're done with you back to the Armstrong hotel.
And I was like, okay, are these two going to hook up or what?
Wait, who's the Armstrong hotel?
That's where the, the deputy or the ranger and the girl were staying.
Oh, hotel there, the hotel room they were at where they were doing their, you know,
planning and
why didn't she get her wound taken care of at a hospital?
Like she's a police officer that's totally allowed.
She's allowed to go to a hospital after and get professional treatment.
Not him, not, not some American Texas ranger guy just doing some haphazard fucking stitching
up.
Are you talking about red state James Bond?
That's what I named him.
Oh, it was because they had to, they had to keep like a low profile because of the, uh,
John Malkovich was like, like, stop fucking getting into gunfights, please.
That's not what you're here.
You're just control.
You're an observer.
Yeah.
He was, then it is control, right?
That's what it is.
Yeah.
And then, you know, red state James Bond, he actually, now that I'm thinking about it,
Thomas Jane in this movie could be part of the, um, name him like a whiskey or rum and
put him on that Kingsman, uh, Kingsman three or Kings, whatever the other, the American
version of Kingsman, he would fit perfectly.
He would be like, uh, he'd be like, I don't know, brandy or something.
Don't call me brandy.
And he would always be like, not like, not the singer.
You know, it would be like his thing and then like real funny.
Uh, so I think that was Joel Edgerton and then I put just John Malkovich.
Holy shit.
Then I started taking notes for my zombie movie because I got a little, a little just
distracted.
So now I'm back to one ranger.
John, uh, weird thing that stuck with me throughout this whole movie.
Everyone's accents are terrible except for the antagonist, the Irish guy.
He was pretty clear and concise, but then they go to Soviet Russia or whatever.
And it's like they fucking time traveled.
It's like, wait, did they just time travel back in time?
And that's just Russia.
My next note after that was the tattooed guy, like stop stroking the cannon.
Just stop stroking the cannon.
Oh, this is who I thought was Joel Edgerton.
Nick Moran.
So, so you thought John Malkovich's accent was terrible?
Oh, he was fine.
He's like, he was, he was entertaining character.
He was, he was mumbling a lot.
I had to rewatch a lot of his scenes and like every scene he was in, like kind of at the
end of it made me feel like I missed something.
Everyone's accents were so bad.
So when someone has just like a normal good accent, you don't even take no, Oh yeah, his
was good.
I guess.
Yeah.
They look alike, don't they?
I think like one of my notes about John Malkovich was like, did he have a stroke while filming
this?
Why?
Like towards the end, like he just kind of, he was talking.
Yeah, it was weird.
He was dead inside almost like, I don't want to do this movie.
Why am I here?
Like I'm John Malkovich.
You really pissed me off.
I'm above this.
Why am I here?
I'm not your daddy.
Are we going to have another Dennis Hopper space truckers conversation again?
What about, what was that one about?
Him phoning it in.
I don't think John Malkovich phoned this in.
I think he was playing it pretty, pretty good.
In my opinion.
I don't know.
Maybe.
He was probably the best acting in the movie.
I actually just wrote Malkovich is awesome.
That was one of my notes.
Oh, seven and three eights.
My hat size is one of the best like end to one of the, like what a throw.
You thought just the throw away.
I'll order you one.
And then he gives it to, they gives them the hat size.
I liked that line a lot.
I liked that exchange.
Yeah.
You were going to say something?
No.
Oh.
They go to that bunker and there's the guy tied to the chair with the bomb and they just
let him blow up and he just splatters on the fucking window.
And they're all just like casually talking after that.
Like after a guy just fucking died.
The blood and guts just goes all over this window.
Not a sliver.
Just looks at it like a.
A concern.
No concern.
That's what happens when you blow yourself up.
I mean, yeah, it's, it's, it is one of those things if you worked in the Interpol or whatever
and you dealt with terrorists all the time, would it bother you if another one just took
care of himself?
I feel like I would act differently.
Like a little bit.
At least for a few minutes maybe.
Who's hungry?
I might have jumped a little or something.
I feel like a roast beef sandwich right now is what I would say.
I would go, I would go eat.
I'd go watch a movie after.
Wouldn't give a fuck.
Let that person blow himself up.
It's his fault.
He wants to be a terrorist.
Everyone's too casual about everything.
The terrorist president of terrorism guy that.
Yeah.
Like, no, stop that now.
They were like when they were designing that scene, they're like, let's put an AK in the
background so we know he's a bad guy.
But Andy, you should have been happy.
The henchmen in this movie did do their jobs.
That should have made you happy.
They were very good about that.
The henchmen in this movie were awesome.
They didn't fuck around other than missing a lot of easy shots.
They should have killed that woman in the main agent chick immediately.
They were bad shots, but they tried.
They definitely went full steam ahead.
I liked it.
I don't like all the double crossing each other.
Like the killing the scientist that he's like, I desperately needed this money, guys.
Thanks so much.
And then they kill him.
Fuck.
That was mean.
Or then they also kill the they also killed a couple other people, didn't they?
Like on their own team at some point and a lot of innocence.
They just that's what they do.
They get shootouts and you'd see all the people behind fall down.
You're like they missed everybody in front and the people behind in those shopping over
there just be falling down.
That's fucked up.
I put Malkovich is tough but fair.
Like, he's like, hey, you guys keep fucking up.
Wait, let that guy slip through your fingers, wait to like start shooting out in the fucking
public area.
Which, you know, like what you did.
This isn't Texas, buddy.
This is like Britain is the UK.
Calm down.
They're not used to guns as much over there.
That was surprising in this movie, though.
They didn't play off the no guns in Britain because like even the police had some everyone
had guns.
I don't think that's a thing anymore.
I think just London has guns now.
Get used to it.
Conor McGregor, who's the main villain.
You call him?
Yeah, I call him Chris McPratt.
Yeah, I like it.
Because of McGregor.
Oh, he just looks a little bit like he's Pratt.
We're talking about you were maybe mixing Conor McGregor and Chris Pratt.
Well, he's talking about the main bad guy.
You're talking about the main henchman.
Oh, I'm talking about the main henchman.
Yeah, he looks like Conor McGregor did in the new Roadhouse movie, which I don't know
which came out first.
No, well, this one did, I guess.
So Conor McGregor looks like this dude from one range.
I put he sounded like a mix of Andre the Giant with Yogi Bear.
His action was I couldn't understand a word.
I just anything he said.
I literally just don't know what he said.
They should have subtitled him.
They should have.
They tried.
I think at some point it's just said indistinct a few times.
And it's like this is like scripted things in the dialogue.
It shouldn't say indistinct.
But yeah, I couldn't understand a word he said.
I was just like, oh, he's angry.
I know.
I will say this, though.
The best the best line of the entire fucking movie, the best line is they're fighting.
And he goes, you know, every so the Thomas Jane goes to the two goes every time we do
this, you end up getting the the worst end of it.
And the guy goes, that's beginner's luck.
And Thomas is like three times.
And I was like, damn, Thomas.
Yeah, you're right.
You took his eye on the last one.
This guy's still like he just reminds me of every fucking alpha dickhead out there.
It's like, oh, still beat your ass.
You won't.
Why is he patching her up?
No hospital.
Oh, absolutely could not stand that fucking scene where the the other guy who's washing
his hands clean of the terrorist, the religious terror, father terrorism with his with his
singing mute child.
Oh, wait, a kid way to bring down a fucking movie.
Wait, I like to write it to a whole.
That church looked way bigger from outside.
And then they're just in this tiny room and they go when they go to reverse TARDIS.
It's the retardis.
It's smaller on the inside.
But wait, you said you liked the song.
I like the kids song.
Just the the I was really high.
I don't know.
Yeah, I fucking hated it.
I was like 40 milligrams and I was throwing something at my joints and it was a bit of
my phone to go outside multiple times throughout this movie and smoke more.
Oh, yeah.
It's a little better.
I'm sure much better.
I enjoyed the kids song at one point.
Not Conor McGregor just knocks the fucking agent agent Jennifer Smith cold out just pop
out.
She just fucking hits the wall.
And I'm one punch.
Just what it was realistic.
That was so real.
No.
But then here's OK.
That was the part scene.
The farce.
Yeah.
So there's a well, OK, I mean, they can watch that if you look go to that.
If you go to that scene, you can watch her fart or like unconscious body.
It's very funny.
The pain mechanics of this.
What?
I think it's very funny.
Bullets are the least effective way to hurt someone in one ranger.
The most effective way to hurt someone is any type of physical force.
Right.
Because this is what happens.
We have Kevin Bacon.
Oh, oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm thinking of that is not this movie.
You watch too many movies in one night.
Never mind.
I did.
They're all mixed together.
That's Beverly Hills Cop Axel Foley.
We'll do next week because fucking Austin, bitch ass.
My great idea overloaded my brain and have to have the watch.
So when they're going from a lot of.
But there's wow.
There's a lot of shitty buildings getting raided by these two.
There's a lot of scenes of them.
I think they say deja vu because it's just them going from like shitty building to shitty
building and doing like the remake of Dread.
Yeah.
That's all it was.
It was the remake of Dread for the last half hour.
Verbal Exchange is awesome.
I put oh, oh, and then after when he's after he kills all these fucking people, he takes
the machine gun like kills them all.
He goes and she goes, oh my God, you're right.
He's like, I'm just an observer or whatever.
That was my favorite line.
I'm just an observer.
And she's like, he's like, I just need a second to catch my breath.
She's like, OK, well, we need to hurry.
He's like, I'm good to go.
Immediately after a second.
Yeah.
He's dope.
He's I love that.
He's like a second to breathe.
And she's like, well, we need time.
And he's like, I'm good.
Let's go.
Puts his hat on.
Just fucks off in the sunset.
And I love that.
Oh, and then you think the movie's over.
Oh, no.
Terrorist guy got away.
But the last thing fucking Thomas James said to him was like, I will hunt you to the ends
of the fucking earth.
And then they literally go like, well, we bad guy lost.
Blah, blah, blah.
We win.
And then it cuts to X amount of time later.
He's hunting down this dude in the fucking desert, just like in the beginning of the
movie finds him, kills all of his compadres and then chases him down.
He said that was a mistake.
That was oh, no.
You know, right when the guy starts yelling to his is the Mexican friends that he has
like this kill this guy, he's like, well, that was a mistake.
Kills all of those dudes, shoots him in the leg again, quickly down under style and.
Makes him walk, presumably to America from Mexico, from Mexico.
Yeah, where he meets.
Well, the way I see it, he's neat.
He's like, Raleigh 20 miles inside Mexico.
He's going to make him walk 20 miles up to the US border and then arrest him there.
It's a wonderful ending.
Really cool shot in that when he kills the last guy, he you see it from the guy's point
of view, from like third person, the enemy shoots at him and he's like by a rock way
over there.
He like dodges and then you don't see him for a second and then he goes around the rock.
He comes.
I did not see that coming.
He comes right around and just fucks him up.
That's really simple.
But like also I was like, oh shit, that was cool.
Wasn't expecting that.
It feels like this was directed a little bit by the guy that did weigh the gun.
We got a bitch punch in the face.
We get.
Well, not a bit.
Stunt man.
I think the director of this and writer, I believe, was a stunt man.
No, the bitch is in the way of the gun.
Not this movie.
The guy who directed this.
Oh, man, he looks like he should have been Thomas Jane in this movie, doesn't he?
Yeah.
Jesse Johnson.
You don't know who Jesse Johnson is.
Name one movie he's done.
I don't know.
He's a stunt man.
I told you he's a stunt man.
That's what I know.
Doesn't say anything on here about it.
Yeah, it was.
It was a stunt man.
That might be the first thing.
I remember where I read it.
What else has he directed?
Oh, he's going to do the Pendragon cycle.
Oh, Lion's Den.
No, that's not what I think it is.
No movie ever.
Wow, nothing.
Lots of movies, but nothing ever.
Shack all, dude.
Nothing.
Alien Agent, The Fifth Commandment.
What is The Fifth Commandment?
Dasha Not Kill?
That's pretty cool if it's about a movie about a hitman.
An assassin who turns on a child that hits too close to...
Yep, all right.
Oh, and it's this dude.
What's his name?
Who's this guy?
What's his name?
Rick Hune?
Keith David.
That's Keith David.
Hell yeah.
That's what we'll look at for the rest of this.
All right.
I mean, unless you guys got more to say about this.
When he cuts to getting revenge on the guy at the very end and all those guys are just
kind of sitting around, they're in Texas.
It looks pretty hot.
Nobody's just sitting in the fucking sun like that.
No, we all live in the desert.
We know that you're sitting in the fucking shade with some water.
It's like last night when my wife said, are you going to grill those burgers?
And I said, do you think I'm fucking going out there?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
120 degrees.
I'm cooking inside.
That fight scene between Conor McGregor and what did you call him?
Red State James Bond?
Red State James Bond.
That whole scene kind of made me reminisce about the Tom and Jane fighting the Russian
and the Punisher.
The Punisher.
Which kind of made me happy.
There were a few moments in this in the fight scenes that were reminiscent of the Punisher.
Like kicking the door in.
There was some, I'd say about this movie, it's not bad and it's not good.
It's like, it's just a movie.
Right in the middle.
It's not even in the middle.
It's below the middle for a movie.
Did I miss something?
But what it seemed to me like is honestly, this would have made a really good TV series.
This would be a good hour long, six or eight part.
Take a little more time.
Don't go from country to country in 30 seconds somehow.
Every like 10 minutes I would kind of be like, did I miss something?
No.
It's just they had to cut that quick to make them travel the world and all that in this
one day time frame where they went, traveled the entire world and killed 72 people.
I missed something with the building they go into like in the climax where he does the
fight with the guy.
They're like, we got to go in there and talk to him.
Because the missiles were in there.
But then they were going to blow up the building anyways?
Well, they gave them time.
They were like, hey, you have, go, go, go.
You don't have a lot of time.
You have very, very limited time.
Get up there if you can.
We're going to get them before they get us.
But we're going to blow this thing up.
We're going to send a missile in.
They're going to launch the missiles out of that building?
No.
Yeah.
Wow.
The missiles are in the building?
I don't think the missiles are in the building.
I think the headquarters where they're going to launch, where the command center, where
he's going to be like, let's do this shit.
Or maybe they were on the roof or whatever.
We don't know.
It just sounds like.
I missed that too.
We got to blow up.
Explain it.
We got to blow up that building before they blow up that building.
No, no, we have to blow up that building before they nuke the city.
Right.
They built a dirty nuke.
That sounds pretty important.
Yeah.
They were, that's literally every other father terrorism, president terrorism, and all of
the other, you know, lower tier, his ex girlfriend.
The Holy Ghost.
One of them, I think father terrorism, not father terrorism, it was president terrorism,
basically even said all we needed to do is make sure they knew we would.
Yeah.
Us actually doing it is going to hurt our cause and not help our cause.
Yes.
And then lady terrorism, she was like, oh, you want my help?
Well, guess what?
You shouldn't have been a fucking asshole to me all those, however times.
And I just wanted to fuck you.
So here we go.
And she walks away.
I like that.
But then she also didn't give him up or did she?
I didn't notice her eye was like that in that scene.
I didn't notice until the interrogation scene that her eye was fucked up.
When they were in the bar?
In the room.
Yeah, in the bar.
Yeah.
Oh, when they were fucking, I didn't notice.
Yeah, I didn't.
Yeah.
I like the shit talking when they walk into the bar.
She's just talking shit to the other lady.
She's just going back and forth.
Oh, the agent.
Yeah.
Like, oh, what are you fucking with me, you fucking whore?
My final thought on this movie, you said this earlier almost.
That's what I write.
It's like someone watched No Country for Old Men and thought, hey, let's do that, but make
it dumber.
Dumber?
I don't know if dumber.
With worse gun physics, for sure.
The storyline is like, all right.
It's just standard.
Super terrorists doing some, it reminded me of Face of the Dead.
It reminded me of some shit that like Nicolas Cage's character would do at the opening of
Face of.
It's like stealing new, trying to go launch it.
You know what?
No, I'm just mixing up fucking that and the rock.
Yeah.
My brain is just broken today.
I'll start talking about Beverly Hills Cop.
You watched too many movies.
Too many movies.
It's all mush.
I watched The Rock last night.
No, I didn't.
But yeah, I mean, this was a, this was a, this was a, this was a, this was a, this was a
movie, but yeah, I mean, this, this was a slog.
The, if you were to, I'll tell you this though, if someone were to take the fight scenes out
of context and put them on YouTube shorts or TikTok shorts, you know, like you see like
one of those out of context fight scenes, people would be lining up to go like, what's
the name of this movie?
And then they would watch it.
They'd be like, oh, yeah, there are some cool fight scenes, but I would just want to watch
a 15 minute compilation of all the cool action scenes and call it a day with this one.
The story didn't mean much to me.
I didn't care.
No, that's why I said, I think they rushed the story.
This could have been, this could have been good over an eight hour arc, TV series type
arc, like one of the specials on.
I think a two part special, maybe.
I, look, I, I don't think it needed to be expanded.
You never saw Walker, Texas Ranger then?
No, I didn't.
Definitely the same, but this movie is like an episode that's ever really long of Walker.
I thought the theme song for Walker, Texas Ranger would have been a country song and
I was not interested in listening to that and having that be part of my, my mental.
It was definitely a country song.
Yeah.
Last night, my friend put on country station.
I was like, what are you doing?
You didn't know me.
Are we even friends?
Why would you do this to me?
And he changed it to slightly less country, but it still had some country come on.
I was like, what the fuck's happening?
Anyway, we were drinking, so I didn't drink too much.
But trying to give you culture.
Yeah, that's not culture.
So anyway, I'm, I'm ready to rate this thing we watched.
Out of how many bad accents?
Out of how many missed bullets?
Two missed bullets.
Yeah.
So out of a dusty splatoons is what I put.
We're going to do a, yeah, out of 5,000 missed bullets.
I give this a, um, Oh God, I probably, yeah, I'm going to give it this a two, two, 2000
missed bullets out of 5,000.
This bullets.
Uh, I'll give it a three, three out of five.
This bullets just, just over, just over half, just cause there were some things that like
tickled my fancy.
Sure.
I gave it a straight two and a half, just two and a half right in the middle.
It's just, it was fine.
I watched with my wife and granddaughter.
They enjoyed just, it wasn't, it's not that kind of a movie.
It's just a, it's fine.
It's an hour and a half to kill on the couch.
You know?
Yeah.
I gave it a two.
Yeah.
My wife made it 14 minutes and she was done.
I didn't necessarily feel.
You got to stop watching stuff at 3 AM.
This one, this one, I watched Thursday at like 10 o'clock.
I didn't necessarily feel a compulsion to turn this movie off.
So.
Yeah.
I watched it still, but it's, yeah.
Well, it probably would have been more enjoyable with Sam Elliott as a, the main guy.
You just want to see Sam Elliott's naked body.
I like Sam Elliott.
Oh yeah.
Forgot.
Who wouldn't?
Yeah.
Who wouldn't?
After Tombstone?
All right.
You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen, the four of us rate one ranger.
We're the only ones to do a whole podcast about this movie.
Guaranteed.
So if you're a bit, if you're a bit actor on the movie and you, and you, you're going
like you're looking for anybody covering the movie and here we are.
And you just listened to this whole fucking shtick about us kind of shitting on it a little
bit, but not like really shitting on it.
We think it's solid.
It's just not captivating in the way that you might've wanted, but you personally, your
bit roll was the best part.
So thanks for being in it.
It made $27,000.
Come on.
It's thousand.
27,000.
On a budget of?
I don't know the budget.
Well, they didn't release it.
I looked and couldn't find it.
They didn't release the budget either.
They didn't ever tell me.
Yeah.
So you heard it here first, two and a half thousand missed bullets out of 5,000 missed
bullets.
On a scale that would be a solid D, I guess.
So on our other, uh, longer scale of B through F and W for waste of time, that would put
it at a D. No, well, at a D plus.
D plus C minus, which I had it at a C minus.
So C minus 2.5.
Great.
So there we go.
Um, that was one ranger.
God.
Now I get to choose next week's movie.
Some people thought otherwise, um, but, uh, the movie I am picking is called, I hope it's
not called, it's called Pandora.
All right.
It's called Pandora.
Wait, it's called Pandora.
It's stars.
Oh yeah.
That's a horror.
Dennis Quaid.
We haven't done a lot of those, you know, cause like Halloween's coming up.
Maybe we should do a thing where we just release an episode every day.
All right.
It's more sci-fi than I would say horror.
It's more suspense, more thriller than I would say horror.
It looks horror.
If it just, the picture is really cool looking is what you guys mean to say.
Uh, Pandora, it's Dennis Quaid and Ben and Ben Foster and Norman Reedus and it's a panic
and terror come fast as two astronauts wake up in an empty spacecraft with no memory of
what happened except that an evil entity is waiting.
It is gripping.
I haven't seen it in years.
Came out in 2009.
I was talking to my friend Tomas about it and ever since then I can't get out of my
head and I knew that this would be my pick.
So I've been waiting to do this.
I hope it's cool.
We'll all get into it.
Sci-fi horror, which we haven't done a lot of sci-fi horror.
And with Norman Reedus in it, that's going to be interesting to compare his performance
in this to that Hideo Kojima game that's going to come out.
It's supposed to be like the sequel to Death Stranding.
I don't think it's that.
I think it's its own thing.
It just, Norman Reedus is also in that as well.
It was going to be PT or whatever, but then it didn't.
Like the new Silent Hill.
I think it's called PT.
Yeah, it's some crazy psychological thriller thing, game, I think that he's working on.
That's cool.
He's really selling it.
Like this is going to be the fucking future.
That dude has been so busy.
Do you watch his travel show?
I know I saw a clip of him in Guiana Reeves.
I've seen a clip of him.
It's pretty good.
Really funny thing about that.
The only part of that show I've ever seen is like when you go, when you play Death Stranding
and you go to your pod and you go take a shit, the door like closes over him taking a shit
and it shows like an ad for that show.
Oh, that's funny.
That's cool.
It's pretty cool.
He just travels around with a group of buddies on a motorcycle.
It's pretty cool.
I think there was an episode where he did it with, it was some rapper.
I can't remember who it was he went riding with.
It was silly.
I watched.
Yeah, he goes riding with different people.
Yeah.
It's just like, yeah.
It goes to interesting places.
Yeah.
And he's like dead with one.
Okay.
Paydorm 2009 recommendations.
Sure.
Because I cannot recommend this enough.
Although I did watch the boys and we'll not go there.
Beverly Hills cop.
Axel Foley.
Okay.
Interesting.
Way better than has any right.
Shockingly entertaining.
It like brings back all the fun from one that two and three were missing.
Like I didn't like.
The one that's like the best one.
Well, no Beverly Hills cop one is the best one.
Anyway, they brought everybody back.
It's like literally they're all there.
They're all old as fuck, but they're all there except Eddie Murphy who still looked the same
exact age somehow.
Black.
I do not know how it's 30 years later.
No, black don't crack.
That's it.
It's the exact same.
You could side by side.
I'm telling you black people age wonderfully.
Yes.
I mean, every old black person I know that my best friend growing up, his parents still
look the same today as they did 30 years ago when I moved into that house.
It's insane.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
Have you guys all seen it except for you, right?
I haven't seen it yet.
You watched it?
Yeah, I watched it.
I wasn't going to until you sent us your feet picket at two o'clock in the morning.
I'm watching the movie.
I just took a picture of the screen.
I gotta watch it.
I'm watching what I was doing at the time he was at Disneyland or whatever.
Your feet were in the picture?
Yeah, they are.
I guess so.
I look back after he said that.
I look at my feet.
Like, with un-soft, like bare feet?
He didn't see what's his name.
Was it Zach or was it Ryan that made the comment about his feet finder?
Oh, yeah, it is.
I can't remember which one it was.
I'm just going to say.
Ew.
Yeah.
I didn't look closely at it.
I just saw that.
I was like, holy shit.
Does he chew the scenery?
He's crazy.
God, you're fucking with me.
Are we still talking about One Ranger slash Beverly Hills?
No.
It's Kevin Bacon now.
Now you can talk about Kevin Bacon.
Now it's really Kevin Bacon.
Yeah, that was Kevin Bacon.
Now we're talking about the holiday special for Guardians of the Galaxy.
I'll say this, that the physics in Beverly Hills cop, Axel Foley, is any slight amount
of physical force exerted by anybody is enough to knock someone out.
So Kevin Bacon is standing on something.
He gets his feet wiped out from under him, lands on the table, knocked out immediately.
But then a chick picks up a vase and hits a guy and it crushes on his back, knocks out
Cole.
And I'm like, all right.
It's a little bit silly physics wise, Axel Foley.
But OK, great.
We got Beverly Hills cop recommendation from Mike.
Do you have anything?
Not really this week.
I guess I could recommend House of Dragon.
It's decent.
It took them a while to release season two, but they're like three, four, three episodes
in right now.
And it's enjoyable.
As good as Thrones?
It's a little different.
It's starting out kind of like slow, like kind of like season one of Thrones was, but
like it doesn't have the big impacts like it.
It's kind of I guess kind of at this point, you're kind of desensitized to it if you watch.
Yeah.
So it's like, all right, I kind of see that coming.
It'd be more shocking if everyone made it to the end.
Yeah.
We're not going to kill anybody.
How about that?
But it's enjoyable so far.
But that's like episode one of Thrones where the you know, this guy's going to be the star.
Yeah.
Dead.
Dead by episode.
Yeah.
But the end of season one.
Yeah.
20 year old.
It's not 20.
Ten.
Me.
Oh, maybe 12.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't have any recs.
I've been too busy just fucking trying to just trying to keep up with everything.
I got to play the new Harry Potter Hogwarts legacy.
It was a PlayStation exclusive mission that now is available for all platforms.
And so PC included, which is what I have.
And it was the haunted haunted Hogsmeade mission, which is you help a house elf.
You go and you go to this like secret dungeon.
You fight a poltergeist with a bunch of creepy mannequins.
Pretty cool.
So if you have the game and you're looking for a reason to maybe reboot it up, just know
that that's available.
And it was pretty fun.
And you get your own shop at the end of it all.
Anyway, that's who cares Hogwarts like you give a shit.
Austin, you got anything?
Yeah, I'm going to recommend Sam Talents Wide World on YouTube.
Yeah, like a travel show.
Yeah, we watched the Japanese one.
I watched the rest of it that same night at Anthony's house with him.
It's a funny show.
He traveled this.
There's like three episodes where he goes to Tokyo and they go like look around all
the weird shit.
They go to a little sex shop and there's like these egg things.
They're like pocket pussies, but in Japan and they're just like walls of them, just
walls of them everywhere in the sex shop.
And then he finds like this thing where it's like a combo bucket.
Party pack.
Yeah.
And he's like, you know, just get one of these and get the boys together and just have a
good old time.
Yeah.
Just a bunch of funny quips and you learn some stuff too.
Sam Talents so funny.
And if you like Sam Talents, you can listen to Austin and I review his book Running the
Light on Wednesday Night Book Pub.
It just came out where we discuss what it's like being a touring comic and also reading
books.
So cool.
Well, guys, this has been our definitely most time, our most economically timed episode
of all time.
And I wonder why.
Is it because maybe the movie picked was fucking one Ranger 2023 mega hit twenty seven thousand
dollars were the only people on the fucking Internet talking about it?
We don't even know if it has a rotten tomato store.
Probably just it was twenty five percent.
He was low.
It was low.
But I think it's we smoked less this episode, so it kind of kept us on track.
It's a diva.
Yeah.
I will say this, Thomas Jane, don't let this get you down, buddy.
We all loved you in Punisher.
Thank you for smoking.
And as to face your the your the goat.
But watching this does make you realize he can't play Punisher.
There's no way to hold this.
He's too old.
I think if Marvel gives him enough money, he'll come back for some multiverse deal.
I could see him as a multiverse or to face.
I could see more.
He can age his two face.
That's well, he died.
But I could you know what I mean?
But they could bring him back.
His two faces allowed to age.
Right.
And so is allowed to age as well.
If you do, they can bring you back multiverse style like an old.
They did a Logan.
An old.
Yeah, like a Logan.
Thomas Jane, if he had made an appearance in Logan, that would have made more sense
than what's happening now.
Right.
Cool, actually.
Well, because they're talking about they're theorizing that the next Avengers movies,
whenever they fucking release those in 30 years, they're doing some stuff from Secret
Wars, which might include Battle World, so they can have all these different generations
of universes.
If they do Battle World, because Battle World is the Beyonder gets a bunch of villains and
a bunch of heroes from all the different properties and puts them from Marvel and puts them on
a battle world in which they just fight each other.
And so it gets cool.
It's like the Avengers, Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, all sorts of shit versus Doctor Doom, World
War II, working hand in hand with Magneto, I think.
I don't know if the X-Men made it to Battle World.
They must have.
I'm sure they will bring them in if they're going to do it here.
They can now.
They've got to implement them.
Well, they already kind of implemented X-Men are part of the universe in Ms. Marvel.
No, in Black Widow.
And Ms. Marvel.
I was going to say in a lot of them now.
You find out she's in...
Oh, wait, never mind.
It's spoilers, right?
Yeah.
That's a show that came out a year and a half ago.
They're coming up.
I'm guessing that there'll be something in Deadpool.
I have no idea, but I'll bet they do.
Oh, well, they just confirmed that Blade.
They confirmed it.
This is out there.
But...
Look, it...
I want to talk about these things.
You've got to cut this out.
Let's just stop.
I heard the word Blade.
God damn it.
If you're about to say Blade's going to be in Deadpool 3.
No, not Deadpool.
Okay.
All right.
So this has been Fried Risk.
Okay.
We now know how to stop Andy.
With this is always.
Yeah.
It has been a rude and toot and Austin doesn't know when to shut the fuck up, Farrell.
Hey, fuck y'all.
It's Michael.
He's old.
He's got mold.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Larsen.
I couldn't think of a third rhyme for mold.
The rhyme for mold is cellios motherfucker.
God damn it.
I was hoping we could get a whole episode without you saying it.
That would have been awesome, except here we are.
And with us as always is Brennan.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Shipley up to Boston.
Have a good night, everybody.
I'm Andy Rice.
This has been Fried Rice Podcast.
We've been fried.
We've been Rice.
We've been podcast.
Thank you for joining us.
Good morning.