Wait, is this the
Hallelujah!
And welcome to a... probably, even though I've said a thousand times, no politics on
the show, the most politically heated fucking anti-religious episode, I guess, or pro-religion,
we'll find out.
We have varying sides on the topic.
Episode of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host, Andy Rice.
Let's get fried.
With me, as always, it is Michael.
I hired the Westboro Baptist Church to, whenever we finally do kill Mike, to show up at his
funeral with signs just saying, we hate stupid fucking nicknames.
God hates stupid nicknames, and you deserve to go to hell.
Larson?
Still Chilean, motherfucker.
God damn it.
I fucking hate it.
With me, as always, is Brennan.
Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
Shipley up top, Austin!
Hello, everybody.
With us, as always, is Austin and I actually drove three and a half hours to meet up with
this, I would say, a four out of ten lady.
We also brought Mike, and we all went to do this, to do all four, all three of us fucking
around at the same time she gave us beers.
Didn't go well.
Feral.
Check me out at Heaven's Gate.
Oh, Jesus.
Too soon.
Well, welcome, guys.
If you haven't guessed already, the movie we're watching this week is Red State, but
we'll get into that.
Let's start off with just, I guess, just, I mean, how have you guys been?
It's been a week.
Anything, you know, just anything?
Oh, God.
We did that show at Lighthouse Lounge in Lake Havasu City, and at the end of it, I was the
closer, and a couple friends that were there asked if I wanted a place to crash, because
they know I live out, you know, three hours away, and I was like, no, no, it's cool, I'm
just gonna drive home, and everyone goes home.
I'm leaving, I stop at the grocery store to grab, like, an energy drink, and I go back
out to my car, and my car doesn't start, so I'm just stuck there.
It's late, it's like midnight, and I call a tow truck, and they can't be there until
4 a.m., and at that point, I was just so angry that I just, all the rage in my body just
made it shut down, and I just went to sleep in my car until the tow truck got there, jump
started me.
That sucks, and when you told me this earlier, I remember you said that you had called all
of your friends, everyone you knew, sort of in the nearby area, and I don't remember getting
a phone call.
I mean, I literally was up Tuesday night, you know, I just got off work, I was there,
I have this little portable battery charger, I would have, and it would have been nice
to just have some friends on it, you know, you don't often get to see a friend at 2 o'clock
in the morning, 3 o'clock in the morning, everyone's asleep, so it would have been nice.
You live far away.
I live an hour away, but it's an hour for a friend.
You would have shown up and been like, I drove one hour to be here.
I would have, and it would have been a joke we could have shared forever, just an inside
joke, you and me, Austin, we could have shared that moment, had it with us for all time,
it would have strengthened our friendship.
I am so low impact on my friends.
I tried not to ask for favors, I tried not to ask to crash more than once a month.
I had used my favors for that month, so I just, I was like, I just gotta tough through
this and it'll be a funny little comedy story later.
How do you know that when you ask for those favors, you're not also letting that person
get something out of it as well?
So like if you spend the night at Sean's house, maybe he enjoys having you there, maybe the
friendship, the camaraderie that you guys share, the bonding is worth it to him.
My ego's big enough, that's why.
Oh, you're blessed to have me here sleeping on your couch, snoring and farting and using
your electricity to watch the TV, because I'm uncomfortable in silence.
When I have a friend sleepover, I just, I wait for them to fall asleep, I come out,
I think they look like beautiful little angels when they sleep.
I just sit, put up a little chair and I watch them.
Start brushing their hair.
Start brushing their hair, yeah.
So I would've, and I would've, your beard would've been so straight by the time you
woke up.
I would've, I have this, I have this beard balm.
Keep braided.
As someone who's fallen asleep here once, let me tell you, none of that is true.
Mike.
Oh yeah, when you, when you survived that poison he gave you.
I guess I wanted to apologize to everybody for the musical episode last week.
No, we're going to make Brennan do an apology video.
People still think Austin killed a lady.
Yeah.
And it still wasn't as bad as what you made us do.
If you go in the comments, there's a bunch of people that have lost carols that are putting
it up in the, you know, where was Austin on August 11th, 2014?
We don't know.
I thought it was 2001.
And also, which was before that movie came out, so I did her a favor.
She witnessed 9-11, but she did not witness repo genetic opera.
Such a shame.
Oh man.
So all right, well, let's get into what are we smoking?
I guess cue the music.
I didn't add music in last time.
Fuck, I forgot.
Oh wait, no, that's the wrong one.
That's the other one.
Wrong one.
We need a different.
What are you smoking?
That's what it is.
That's the one.
That's the one you got to cut out.
Fuck, okay.
I forgot a note.
All right.
Oh well, what are we smoking, Brad?
This is pretty good.
Calibuds brand, it's called Face Off OG.
Got it from THC.
It's 29.65% THC.
It's tasty.
Good hybrid.
Yeah, tastes good.
And then after that we're going to have some baby jeeters.
I've got Banana Peel.
I always wonder who they're going after with Face Off.
Also a great movie.
I don't know.
There's a really niche market of people that enjoy the movie because Face Off is one of
those movies that I think some people legitimately think of as a brilliant piece of filmmaking.
It's an enjoyable hour and a half.
It's a John Woo American action movie and it's very John Woo.
If you like John Woo, it's a good John Woo movie.
The acting's over the top or is it?
Because I feel like if they had both underplayed their characters, say they both went into
that movie with the dramatic, they're both going to be like, this is going to be the
most grounded performance you've ever seen in your life.
John Travolta, grounded agent, Nicolas Cage, smart, capable fucking.
Two of our better known understated actors.
But what I'm saying is if they went hard in the paint on realism and then switched faces,
it'd be a boring movie because they'd both be then serious fucking, they'd just both
be like, all right, now I'm going to play a grounded cop instead of a grounded criminal.
So having Nick Cage come out in that priest outfit in the beginning and just fucking laughing
his ass off, I'm like, yeah, can't wait to see what John Travolta does with this, I guess.
That was one of my favorite movies at the time when I watched it.
Because my grandparents had this whole rack of old VHS movies, all from that time period,
like Titanic, the original Star Wars, like all the everything, the old Avengers, which
I didn't even know there was.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, are we talking about the British one?
I guess.
I don't know.
It looks so I never even watched it.
Are you talking about Marvel's Avengers?
Yeah, it looked like it looked like a shitty Captain America.
I thought maybe it was a porno.
I don't know.
You might be thinking, well, if it was Captain America, there might have been crossovers
in the old Incredible Hulk live TV show.
Were there crossovers?
No.
None?
None.
Captain America never made an appearance in the Incredible Hulk, Lou Ferrigno's Incredible
Hulk.
No.
But there was also live action Spider-Man.
I think at that time, it might have been that Sony had Hulk too, though.
So it's like there was.
But I think that there's old made for TV live action Avengers.
I feel like that's got to be a made for TV.
There wasn't a theatrical Avengers movie.
It said the Avengers on it.
But I don't think it was theatrical.
There's no there's a British movie called Avengers.
There's also the British The Avengers, which Sean Connery made a reboot.
That's like just British spies.
It's like a Austin Powers meets James Bond right in the middle.
Sounds shitty or so bad.
It's so good.
Well, it's about as good as what's that?
What's the movie that made him quit acting for 12 years?
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which I liked.
It made Sean Connery stop acting for about 10 years or ever.
Well, he smacks women.
So, you know, but look where we are.
Obviously, you got to give him a schmack.
Yeah, got to give him a good schmack.
You know, she gets out of line.
Everyone smacks women.
We can't have anything.
You know, Kang, the Conqueror.
That's done.
Can't get a Lovecraft Country season two.
Speaking of good Avengers movies.
Well, it's not Avengers.
It's Marvel, but the new Deadpool.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm not spoiling anything.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
hang on.
I'm not spoiling anything.
Before we continue this conversation, the movie we're reviewing today is Red State.
Twenty, I'm just moving on.
It's 2011 Red State by Kevin Smith.
You're not going to fucking ruin that movie for me.
He's growing.
I just thought it would be funny if everyone wants Wolverine to fight Hulk in live action.
It'd be funny if they gave it to us and it was just Luke for Igno Hulk.
Oh, I swear to God, if Hulk is in this movie, if that's been released in trailers and shit,
I'm going to be so mad at you.
I haven't seen anything.
I don't know anything.
I'm ignoring everything, too.
I can't believe I got you to end your own tangent.
Yeah, I guess all you have to do is bring up the one thing I don't want to spoil.
Bring up spoiling a movie.
I think it's probably going to be like the last movie that's going to be the most like
I don't want to be have it spoiled movie kind of like almost ever.
Because I can't imagine anything else.
I think you say that every five years or so.
Would the setting be a spoiler?
Yeah, because they've already showed the first 10 minutes of the movie.
A hundred percent.
I don't want to know that.
I don't want to.
I don't want to know that anything about the first 10 minutes.
I want to see the first 10 minutes in a month when it comes out.
I wish I could do it at home.
But no, that's not going to happen.
The world we live in.
You don't speculate or have theories?
No, I don't think about it.
I do everything.
I actively I unfollow Facebook groups.
I go on YouTube and I click not interested on anything Marvel related.
Hell, I was going to put a sticker on my car the other day and I didn't because Andy, I've
got a Deadpool sticker at home, but I'm waiting just so Andy doesn't have to look at Deadpool
for the next.
He doesn't even want to know Wolverine's in it.
You wish it was just Deadpool 3.
Yeah, I wish they called it Deadpool 3.
I said that.
Oh yeah.
The moment they the moment I heard the moment I saw on online, someone said Wolverine Deadpool
or whatever it's called.
I was fucking pissed for a few days because I was like, why would they do that?
That ruined it for me because I didn't know Wolverine was in it at all.
I thought it was Deadpool 3 and then they changed the name of it.
The problem with your your anti-spoiler thing, if that was true for everyone.
No, it's not a problem for you, but for everyone else and for the for Marvel or the movie industry
in general is that they need to spoil a little bit in order to promote otherwise no one would
know the movie existed.
Here's an idea I just thought of it right now.
It's brilliant.
Trailers moving forward should be separate things should be a separate movie should be
a separate scene.
So it so for instance, Deadpool Wolverine.
Deadpool 1 was that that sure.
No, we get it.
Deadpool 1 Deadpool 2 are the things.
But what we should get then for the trailer is a scene or yeah, like a prologue to the
movie or a side thing or like a character that's not like whatever, just something that's
cool that gets you hyped for it.
That's a minute long that has that doesn't ruin a single scene from the movie is like
what we would need.
Like 30 second teasers like a teaser, but a teaser that doesn't require the net the
you to see what the movie looks like.
So like I know that Deadpool in the past once he did that like really cool.
There was a series of videos of him in a bar playing different characters talking about
the upcoming movie, right?
Yeah, I'm OK with that.
If he's talking about it, if he's talking about it in a way that doesn't ruin it because
Deadpool again, that's a little bit tricky because he could very much be like me and
Wolverine are going to fuck some shit up.
But if you take a different movie, like take for instance, take a Star Wars movie.
All right.
So we have a new Star Wars coming out.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Like whatever.
Let's just say we have a new one coming out.
You know what pumps people up if it's just like just a lightsaber battle between two
people that like are maybe slightly related shadow.
You don't even have to see who they are.
Oh, yeah.
Just have a cool lightsaber battle and say new Star Wars movie coming out next year.
They were doing that a little bit.
And then there's this new show out, the Acolyte.
Yeah.
I guess it takes place like further back in time, something like Knights of the Old Republic
style.
I think or High Republic.
I think High Republic is when they were going for it.
When is High Republic?
Is that Young Anakin?
No, but way before that.
Oh, so Knights of the Old Republic.
Yeah, totally separate.
Well, there's the Old Republic, the New High Republic and then different eras.
But the way they advertise it.
A long, long time ago.
Not a long, long, long time ago.
If Anakin and Luke, exactly.
They take place a long time ago.
Then yeah, long, long time ago.
Not super long ago.
But yeah, they advertise it.
I was like, oh, cool.
It's going to be like a Jedi focused story.
Not like Ahsoka, not like Mandalorian.
Now they're going to go into the Jedi a little bit.
A lot of complaints online about like, oh, it's all woke.
It ain't no female start.
I'm like, whatever.
Woke alarm.
But I was like, whatever, it's probably going to be good.
And now that it's out and everyone's shitting on it, it made me like kind of debate watching
it or not.
OK.
I'm like, oh, maybe there is some traction to this.
And then this interview just came out with one of the stars from it.
And she said something like, yeah, the goal of the show was to make white people cry or
something or make white men sad or something.
I was like, oh, so you just made a shitty show.
To make a shitty show.
I'm like, I don't mind any of the women's star or anything like that.
But it's like, if you're making it intentionally to piss people off.
But what's wrong with making a movie to intentionally piss people off?
Isn't there hundreds of movies that have been made?
I want good Star Wars.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
First off, Star Wars is just a property.
You can make an infinite amount of Star Wars things.
They can cover any range of whatever the fuck they want to, including making a political
statement.
Didn't we literally review a movie that was made to piss people off to this week?
So like, yeah, OK, fuck it.
I haven't seen the acolyte.
Am I going to watch the acolyte?
I don't know.
I haven't watched Mandalorian season two yet.
I mean, like, Star Wars is escapism.
It's fantasy.
We don't want to see.
I didn't like the Clone Wars where he goes into the Obi-Wan goes to the diner and has
the guy identify the fucking dark way because it's too human like it's Star Wars.
His history.
What are you talking about?
No, it's you.
It's don't make it.
You don't make it too close.
You make it a whole different fucking thing.
It's their whole thing, not earthly, not.
Yeah, I get what you're saying.
The Nazis, Stormtrooper, all that shit.
Yeah, whatever.
But not like Mandalorian season.
Was it three?
He goes into the butcher shop.
Hey, hey, hey.
Oh, my God, it came out of fucking two years ago.
About 30 seconds ago, I just said, well, I haven't seen Mandalorian season two yet.
So spoilers.
It's not even a spoiler.
It's just a place they go setting.
I'm not saying what happens or what's going on.
There is a butcher shop.
There's a butcher shop.
That's why.
Yeah.
Now I know one of the set pieces.
My fucking it's ruined.
There you go.
But OK, but I'm mad that but me.
It's unreasonable for me to be mad that they made a whole show and spent 20 million dollars
an episode to piss off a group of people, which I could give a fuck less.
I don't like the in cell community that are mad that there's female stars in Star Wars.
But if you make I want it to be have good writing and be a good show and tell a good
story.
Don't just make it shitty on purpose to piss people off.
I'm just saying that's out of context is all it is.
That is completely out of context from the interview she was doing with what she said
was to make white men cry.
In other words, we're going to kill off a character you're going to care about.
She's not talking about a woke.
We're making this woke to piss people off.
That's not what the interview was.
I believe that.
Hey, there's two sides.
Out of context.
There's two sides to every there's there's well, there's actually there's a lot of sides
to every every thing.
Right.
So I mean, yeah.
What did you watch the interview?
Did you just read read an article about it?
I read I read about it.
I've seen clips and everything does kind of add up in the end.
I mean, they made three shitty fucking movies.
OK, but the movies were not too good.
The only good things that have come out recently are John Favreau and.
Oh, wait, real quick.
The one who did the Clone Wars.
Yeah, yeah.
Real quick.
First off, the a lot of people said that the prequels sucked.
And then now 20 years later, we're all like, not bad.
They made us appreciate it.
These last three shitty movies.
No, no.
Well, you know, it's not so bad.
I mean, I love the I love the prequels all the way through.
I love the experience of going to the theater with my dad at the midnight releases, seeing
all other Star Wars with my dad, too.
All of that was fantastic.
Special editions.
Yeah.
Skip school to go see that as a family.
I saw a teacher there at midnight release and she's like, so you're going to be tired
tomorrow too, huh?
Yeah.
Yes.
If you talk to different people about Star Wars, it's whatever their age was when they
came out is their favorites.
I it's not my grandchildren.
I like the original.
Yeah, the original.
I'm saying my grandchildren prefer the prequels.
My kids prefer the prequels.
Right.
Because that's their age when they came out and they like the prequel.
We're quick to you're quick to paint a brush that the new movies suck like they're not
as little as George Lucas made a script.
The first six movies.
Fantastic.
He wrote the script for the next three movies.
They said, oh, cool, George.
Yeah, we'll just stick that in a drawer and never touch it again.
OK, real quick.
First off, the first three movies are not masterpieces.
First off, the first one is pretty boring and the lightsaber fights suck.
And there's a lot of fucking dialogue that does nothing.
Just the set pieces are kind of cool, but it's an old fucking kind of boring movie.
The next two are pretty fire.
I'll give you that.
Fine.
Those are great.
First one set up.
Yeah.
First one set up, but it's boring.
I always get the first one when I watch the prequels, though, they didn't have the technology
to make the first three.
OK, but you're saying that they're fucking that if we're comparing all nine, then let's
get into it.
The first one is boring of the original trilogy.
The second two are pretty good, but even the second two are flawed in a lot of ways.
I appreciate the special edition remasters that he's done because I think he fixed some
shitty movies.
The prequels when they came out, I loved them.
I love them now, but they're fucking flawed as fuck.
Jar Jar Binks, one of the worst characters ever made the even like the young Anakin is
is annoying.
Like like this is pod racing.
Like those moments in my mind when I was a kid sounded fucking awesome.
Looking at them now, these are just bad kid movies that they made it that they use the
Star Wars franchise.
So why be pissed off when later we get the coolest Star Wars stuff in a in like decent
like OK stories.
So OK, what's the coolest moment in Star Wars?
I'll tell you what it is.
It's well it's the end of Rogue One when we see the remaster of Darth Vader going through
the thing, which is new Star Wars, which everyone shits on.
But Rogue One was great.
I haven't seen Andor yet, but Rogue One's great.
I want to.
But then cut to the second fucking coolest moment in Star Wars was Blaster trying to
assassinate Kylo Ren, him stopping the fucking blaster mid blast doing a whole monologue
leaving and then the blaster fucking shooting off as he leaves because the force finally
lets go.
Fucking I got chills when I heard that fucking buzz.
The rest was bad.
The Force Awakens was great.
I enjoyed what Abrams said.
My favorite Star Wars movie is Force Awakens.
I wish you were still there.
Harvested your nostalgia, though.
No, it didn't harvest my nostalgia.
I think it did.
I think Ray.
No, what's wrong with it?
Oh, there's the money.
I love it.
Oh, and now there's R2-D2.
The Force Awakens was great.
At the very end, there's Luke.
They just spaced a bunch of.
Why is that a bad thing?
Why are you saying that's a bad thing?
What a time, guys.
It's all irrelevant because it's not even the main creator who created the entire universe.
I don't watch great movies like this.
And then the whole person backing the project comes out and says, we don't have books or
source material when there's a wall that could fill, there's a shelf that could fill this
fucking wall of books and stories that are beloved.
All right.
You can't shit on a franchise.
Yes, I can.
I just did.
I mean, when the old man who ran it 50 years ago decides to let someone else have the reins
and they decide to turn it into, not decide to turn it into, they just keep expanding
on it.
It's the biggest franchise in the fucking universe.
And yeah, you're going to get, are you pissed off that there's a four children Star Wars
Rebels cartoon show?
No, Rebels is fucking awesome.
I love Rebels.
What's the other one?
Clone Wars?
Love that too.
No, not Clone Wars.
Oh, the little kid one?
The little one.
The little baby kid, little.
Yeah.
The weird animation.
Yeah.
That's fine.
Do you watch that and shit on that for its bad plot points?
Fuck no.
I know it's for little kids.
That's fine.
Great.
Give it to them.
Right.
So I can't remember a single fucking plot point of the new movies, but I can think of about
a dozen, half a dozen fights that stand out of my head as being fucking awesome.
When I think about the prequel, I think about just the duel of fates Anakin, sorry, Qui-Gon
Jinn fight with Darth Maul.
Darth Maul was probably the most redeeming part about the prequel trilogy.
He's gone after the first movie.
Then we get just interchangeable Siths.
You get like-
Here, I can end this argument completely because if the world was made the way you want it
made where you don't go back and change things, we wouldn't have Grogu.
Wait.
Oh.
Grogu.
You mean the thing that Filoni and Favreau worked on together that was great, The Mandalorian?
That was great.
Mandalorian was great.
Ahsoka, also great.
But if you quit trying, you won't get that either.
I'll even say Andor was great.
I haven't watched Andor yet.
It is my least favorite of those three new shows, but it was still really great.
I liked Solo.
Solo was just kind of eh.
I liked it.
It grew on me.
They put Darth Maul at the very end, which was kind of cool.
It's like, oh, Darth Maul's still alive.
And well, we already knew that because in Clone Wars, blah, blah, blah, whatever.
But yeah, the new stuff just seems bleak.
I'm going to watch the Acolyte and maybe I'll reform my opinion.
But if everything lines up the way I thought it was, it's like, yeah, why don't we make
a tier list of all three trilogies?
Each of us make our own tier list and compare them.
I don't think it would be a trilogy.
I think if you're going to tier list, you just tier list all Star Wars properties and
just put them in.
That's a lot.
And all the movies.
That's a lot.
It's a lot.
And you have to watch all of them because apparently you don't watch fucking anything.
Yeah, it's going to be a lot for an episode of podcast.
I mean, I'm too busy.
Mike can get behind that.
We made him watch all six seasons of Entourage.
We fucking did.
We still haven't even announced what we're going to do the Entourage episode.
You willing to watch all six seasons of Entourage?
We can just do it a real fried rice podcast.
Is it worth it?
It's a good show.
Yes, it's very much worth it.
What's it on?
HBO?
Yeah, HBO.
If you start now, we can all, I might have to rewatch it too.
So all of it in the movies.
Let's all plan to do it in like a month.
We've got six seasons in a movie.
Have you seen the movie?
I have the movie on Blu-ray.
There we go.
I have a hard copy.
We've got the behind the scenes features.
So after that half an hour Star Wars discussion, the movie that we reviewed this week is Red
State by Kevin Smith, 2011.
A man who also stands behind my beliefs.
Okay, moving on though.
I'm just saying that like.
I'd say visually those movies are fantastic.
They're visually fantastic.
Story, story wise, they dropped the ball.
The first one was fantastic.
He set it up great.
Effects are great.
Effects are awesome.
JJ set it up great.
And then the second two, they kind of just, they were just like, all right, we're gonna
go this way instead.
It's like you had all of these options of all of these different storylines you could
have continued the galaxy on or at least went somewhere in that direction.
But they just, they decided to go to a casino halfway through one of the movies.
And then how do you feel about Fast and Furious?
Oh, they're so stupid, but keep giving us more, please.
Okay.
Giving us more.
They look at this the same in the words of Kyle Canane in the words of one of my favorite
comedians ever.
Kyle Canane is that Fast and Furious movies know that they're stupid.
We know they're stupid.
Keep giving us more of them.
The newest one is Fast X, which means 10.
There's 12 of them.
Good.
But go back and watch one.
Go back and watch Fast and Furious.
They didn't start that way.
That was my point.
My point is that they just expanded, expanded, expanded to ridiculousness.
Yeah.
And you love that.
So, yeah.
So give other people the same leeway.
I know that your Space Wizard movie, the first one with the really bad effects, the first
three Space Wizard movies were the one that came out when we still executed people via
guillotine.
Yes.
Yeah.
They stopped doing that the same year that movie came out.
Okay.
So cut them some fucking slack.
Yeah.
Well, I'm just saying.
Also Christopher Lee, Count Dooku, was there to witness it too, himself, in person.
Fine.
But I'm just saying your Space Wizard movies, the first three, which I think were not great
looking, had a better story, quote unquote, than the next three Space Wizard movies.
But those, that, people like those.
Those were made for kids.
These three Space Wizard movies are just made for a more general audience.
So like, and they're just Westerns.
They're not even, the plots to them aren't even that great.
It's all slapstick.
It's basically just slapstick.
I'll agree with Mike that the last three movies they made are slapstick.
Yeah.
But dude, oh, how about that one scene where C-3PO gets that forbidden Sith language and
they have to like momentarily think that they're going to erase all of his memory.
Kylo Ren stopping bullets for about five minutes and then C-3PO learning Sith language for
about one minute.
So that's six minutes out of hours and hours.
And the blaster thing.
That's, yeah.
A total of six minutes.
Oh.
And the force teleported fight with Luke and Kylo Ren.
Yeah.
That was, that, Luke dying, which sadly was my favorite part of the whole thing.
It was like the only thing that even kind of brought me close to that emotional man
tears like, yeah, it's over, look at the two sons again.
Oh, he fades away.
What about, what?
Standing on the hill, Luke standing on the hill, didn't do anything to you.
Sitting on the, sitting on the hill.
How about that recut of, with the don't stop me now at the end fight of the last movie.
That's fucking dope.
Or even the red room.
If you just put Queen, who the fuck was that guy anyways?
The guy that Kylo Ren just like rotates the saber and cuts through his midsection and
kills who the fuck was that guy?
He's just a clone for the emperor.
Like fuck, let's bring back the emperor.
The Knights of Ren.
Yeah.
What about, okay.
They could have done so much more backstory on the Knights of Ren.
They could, they could have expanded a lot to make it a good move, like good story.
Or just followed George Lucas's script.
I mean, yeah, but he had 4 billion reasons to sell.
There's a reason he had 4 billion reasons to sell Star Wars because he had a good fucking
idea.
And he says here, you can make, want to make 4 billion more dollars?
Here's three movies.
But I mean, they could have changed it.
They could have, they could have done their own thing too, but they just needed to expand
differently than the way that they did.
And they just kind of brushed off the important things and just kind of focused on like going
to the casino.
That was, that was, that, that's, yeah.
They could have followed.
They were trying to have fun.
They were trying to make it a fun Star Wars experience.
I don't remember.
I think it's the second one.
Maybe it's the third one.
I can't remember.
But the kid that pulls the broom up at the end, like that was cool.
I was like, all right, where are they going to go with this?
Like she's going to be finding more Force users and try to train up new Jedi's or something.
Like, you know, didn't go back to it.
But I think, but that's what they're doing with that though, is I think they're just
setting up, setting up the fact that now more of like a 10 20 year plan.
Like, yeah, post, we don't see the bigger picture.
We're P on yeah.
Yeah.
Post-Ray, it's going to be, anyone could be a Jedi.
Like almost like the, um, like with Bucky, the vampire slayer, anyone could potentially
be a slayer.
You know, there's, could only be one in that case.
So the slayer dies, any number of girls can become the slayer.
Like, and, and the people know who the potentials are.
I feel like, yeah, this would be kind of similar.
Like there's going to be a bunch of potential Jedi's out there.
And then I think there might be a new Jedi council made where they then go try to find
force sensitive Jedi Academy, a new, yeah, new Jedi Academy that then try to prevent
a new Sith order from rising.
That's a cool, that could be a cool new trilogy.
If they did that with an older Ray, an old, uh, did Kylo live?
Did you watch it?
Yeah, I watched it.
I forgot.
Yeah.
Kylo dies in the end.
Okay.
So well, he becomes Ben and so Ben does.
Yeah.
She doesn't kiss him back to life.
I thought she did.
Or he kisses her back to life.
Uh, he, uh, no, she does a force.
The Emperor sucks their life force out, like some weird obscure anime character villain
out for a second and then he gives his life force to her or something.
I don't know.
I wasn't super against it.
I don't mind them taking liberties like that, but like the creator left the skeletal outline
for you.
Should have just followed it, bro.
You keep saying that, but I loved when Lando Calrissian and all of them went to that desert
planet and hung out with those fucking, uh, crazy, like, uh, that one, like all those
people and then found that sandworm thing.
And then we found out that you could force heel.
Like there's some cool shit.
The, uh, on your left moment from Avengers end game, sorry, the, uh, when Lando Calrissian
shows up in his ship at the end of, uh, the last Star Wars movie.
I saw that and it visually appealing.
Did not have the same effect that Avengers did.
I don't know.
It may not, but it was fucking awesome.
Nonetheless, I watched that whole last, that last probably 40 minutes of, of the last Star
Wars movies.
Fucking awesome.
You see all the star destroyers, you see the dudes that are there completely outnumbered,
just go fucking ham and try to kill as many motherfuckers as they can.
You get that queen song.
Don't stop me now as they're fighting down below, which is just watch it with that cut
if you can.
Uh, and then if you can find what that Mexican, uh, one where he picks up the beer, have you
seen that?
Yeah.
So what's it called?
Surveys that crystal or have you seen the survey?
So crystal commercial.
No, it's from the original cuts.
So, so in the original trilogy, when they played it in Mexico or Brazil, they, uh, they
couldn't, they, they didn't want to do commercials, uh, like cut to commercials.
So what they did was they filmed in movie commercials.
So the emperor is talking to Luke and he's like, like, or Vader, he's like Vader, blah,
blah, blah.
And then it cuts to his hand, like, like the emperor does this, but then it cuts to a completely
different scene where it's his hand and he's force pulling a beer and it goes, uh, crystal
song, crystal survey song.
And then he, uh, and then it just cuts back to the movie.
It's holy shit.
And this is real.
I would have loved to have been there.
This is real things.
You can find them online.
I'll find it later.
I didn't know we were doing a star Wars episode.
Uh, so, so talk about Kevin Smith.
We're going to do a star Wars tier list.
Maybe.
Yeah, I guess so.
Let the audience decide who has the best tier list out of the four of us.
Yeah.
Do you, do you tear our tier lists?
I'll make, I'll, I'll make a graph for it.
I'll draw up a graph and you guys just put the movie wherever on the tier list you think
it goes.
And there'll be nine tiers shit tier.
And how about a W tier?
The F tier W tier to be here.
Yeah.
All right.
There, but you can only put one in each tier.
So it's going to be just a list of, you know, good to bad.
You can only put one movie in each tier.
Yes.
You have to go favor to the least favorite.
Yeah.
Just doing five movies or nine, nine movies of out of the nine movies.
So we just, just the whole side.
Just ranking them in order.
Yeah.
Trying to do something different.
Trying to make it ours.
Andy, why you gotta ruin it?
Say that off camera.
The best star Wars movie.
Revenge of the Sith.
Rogue one might be the best star Wars movie.
Is that, are we counting that?
I thought you, yeah.
He just said nine.
He just said the nine.
Oh, just the nine.
How about the nines?
Remember that one?
That movie.
Breaking it back.
I'm trying to forget.
I'm really trying to forget.
I tried to wash it out with repo for you.
I tried to wash out the nines with repo for you.
Give him a new movie.
And he wanted to have to get out of his shit stain.
Yeah.
That's the best way to describe that.
All right.
So the movie we're watching that we watched was Red State.
Let's get back to Earth.
Not from a sort of far galaxy.
It's kind of not that long ago.
No, actually for recommend.
I have something to talk about for recreational.
Are we doing recreational recommendation?
Yeah, we'll do that after.
People are talking.
It's a they're thinking maybe it'll maybe it'll Spotify.
Number one, that recreational recommendation song.
It's it's hit.
People love it.
Still say more beboops.
A lot of people are saying more beboops.
But I'm just waiting for someone to remix.
We just have to be.
What was that?
We command to something.
We did a deep dive look into the lyrics of that song.
Something space.
Was it the commander?
Yeah.
Round control to major.
As long as we beat that song, I'm happy.
OK, we'll beat Space Odyssey by David Bowie.
All right.
Two thousand and eleven.
This movie came out by Kevin Smith.
Kevin Smith.
He's not known for his drama stuff, his hard hitting fucking stuff until this and Tusk came
out both starring Michael Parks.
I would say let's just real quick.
Who here has seen Tusk?
No, Tusk.
And you haven't, Mike.
I saw about three quarters.
Oh, I couldn't finish it.
Yeah.
My wife says it's just drama.
He said it was like a combo of like the last movie.
So he was making it a horror, a drama and like I think action or something.
I don't know where they got horror out of this.
We'll get into that later.
But I mean, it's not a crime horror right there.
But I well, no, there's some horrific scenes when you go into like scary, like if you were
one of the people in the movie, it'd be scary.
You're in that dog kennel watching a guy get shot.
Exactly.
Like if you're if you're wrapped in saran wrap, that makes Fast and the Furious a horror
movie, which did not make sense because after one of the henchmen dies, they just lay his
bloody body.
They're like you were all worried about the blood stain on the altar when you wrap the
guy in plastic.
But oh, but when it's one of your own, just let him bleed out right where you executed
the first guy.
But Mike, no, there's a difference between like put that's a what's the what's different
between that guy being in a cage about to be murdered than Texas Chainsaw, someone being
hung from a hook about to be murdered.
It's both a standard setup for a horror movie.
God, that movie is teenagers being captured by literally this is almost Hills Have Eyes
teenagers captured by crazy family about to be murdered.
So like, yeah, it horror is I would think an apt title for it, at least the beginning
part until it gets to the ATF showing up.
That does cut the horror aspect into then now becomes more action and crime.
But that first part is horrific.
It's scary.
Like the way they set it up, like everything seems kind of sketchly.
It's definitely tropes, but it's not I wouldn't call it a horror movie.
I would.
My wife hates horror movies and she loves this.
You can't put it in one category.
Yeah, I think it's lighter horror.
It's more thriller.
I would say thriller.
That's what I would just going to step back into Star Wars for one second.
For an example, Mandalorian is a Western but also a sci fi.
So you can't put it into it's just a sci fi.
Technically, Mike said this earlier, but all of Star Wars is a Western in sci fi.
It's all when you look it up.
It doesn't say what he just he just he did like a Western but just in space.
But then he got space opera as well.
Like once he.
I mean, I don't know.
I like the original trilogy.
No, I'm just kidding.
We're not going to get.
Have you seen the fan made one where they were they do the good.
I like it so fucking good.
Stop the fan.
Sorry.
I've seen the Star Wars rap.
The map, the rap.
Oh, no.
The old like albino black sheep like Newgrounds flash animation Star Wars rap.
Oh, classic.
Yeah.
I mean, it's probably somewhere.
It's the got Death Star.
Yes, we got Death Star.
Like Palpatine Invader.
Was this right around the Luke.
So your first five hour episode are to do to make me another gin and tonic.
Yeah.
This is I'm going to have to come up with a title for this episode.
I'm your father.
You're fault.
That triggered some memories.
I got to I got to go back and watch that later.
I'm probably going to listen to that while I'm out.
It is.
Remember.
So this is the the whole history of the earth part.
The you remember that one.
Oh, animation.
Oh, the end of the world.
End of the world.
There we go.
So this is the year.
Yeah.
Watch power thirst.
Well, then go take a nap.
Then fire the missiles.
I don't know what power nap is.
Power thirst.
Australia is still like, what the fuck, mate?
It's like a.
It's just.
It's pretty.
Power what?
It's a quick.
We'll watch.
We'll have to do it after.
Yeah.
After.
I'll show you the survey.
So commercials, too, because it'll change your whole.
You're not going to want to watch Star Wars without the beer commercial.
Family guy made a reference to that in their mind.
One of the jaw was grabs one or something.
They do like the whole thing.
Yeah, I totally buy that.
Yeah.
I would imagine they're they're super fans of the stuff of Star Wars.
So Skyler from.
Oh, that was my first.
I hate her already.
Yeah.
And then we never see her again.
But real quick, Tusk.
We he did Tusk first, I believe.
That's just something I need to.
I think this was before.
Yeah, that's what I need to know, because if this is his first.
This is what led to Tusk.
Red state.
No, I think Tusk.
I thought he said this was his last movie.
No, I think it was his last movie.
Yeah.
I think it was his last movie.
Yeah.
I think it was his last movie.
Yeah.
I think it was his last movie.
Yeah.
I think it was his last movie.
Yeah.
I think it was his last movie.
No, he he's going to do more and more, which is great.
I don't want him.
He did Clark's three.
Have you seen Clark's?
OK, so Tusk came out after.
OK.
All right.
So this is how lead to this to him having the money to go back down for what wasn't
it cop out that he like?
Yeah.
Oh, cop out led to it.
Yeah.
It was like a passion project.
That was part of his whole talk.
What he was talking about.
Sorry about cop out, but it led to this.
I needed the money.
Yeah, I needed the money.
Like, fuck Bruce Willis.
I needed the money.
So yeah, which is great.
He hates Bruce Willis.
Well, they did not get along.
Bruce Willis did not like him.
That's great.
So Bruce Willis has no idea either.
So up until this point.
Yeah, he don't care.
He doesn't remember.
Yeah.
At least now, for sure.
Oh, yeah.
Brett.
That's what Oscar would say.
Yeah, I know, but I wanted to make you the nicest guy in the podcast.
Be a villain for just once.
Turn you into a heel.
That's why I picked that movie last week.
That was that was my villain move.
I'm a repo.
So up until this moment or up until here, he is he basically has done sharp written witty
comedies with like a cool viewpoint, low budget indie feeling.
But then, you know, but still polished.
They're great mall rats, you know, clerks chasing Amy.
All of them cheap.
He makes super cheap because he said he said that 15 million would have covered every movie
ever made up to that.
Yeah.
If you took all of those movies, private, maybe except for cop out.
Right.
And he was talking about he said cop out was what him with a budget.
And he's like, see, see what happens when I have a budget.
I actually wrote that in here.
I said about the ending of this, if he'd had a budget, it would have been a worse movie.
Exactly.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if they.
God, if it was like a real if it was an alternate ending, if they gave us the Kevin Smith cut
of Red State and gave him 15 million dollars to fucking just film that ending, we're way
ahead of ourselves.
All right.
We'll go back.
Sorry.
But sorry, Mike.
OK.
But so up until this point, it's funny movies.
He did Jersey Girl.
People didn't really care for that.
He did cop out.
That was a big budget, you know, action movie that just sucks.
No one really cared about.
This was a huge departure for Kevin Smith.
Like him, like when I heard I don't know if I don't think I saw this in theater.
You did not.
Neither did anyone.
Blockbuster from Blockbuster.
I remember being like, Kevin Smith.
What the fuck?
This can't be the same Kevin Smith.
I thought it was just a different director.
Same name.
And I watched it and it's it blew me away the first time I watched it.
When this first came out, I mean, holy fuck.
Like, oh, so good.
I've seen this cover art floating around various streaming services.
Had I known he directed, I would have watched this a lot sooner.
Yeah, I saw it on Netflix for a long time and like kind of just debated watching it.
And then I came across his his talk, his Burn in Hell talk on one of the movie channels.
And I watched the whole thing.
I was like, OK, I'm watching Red State.
I watched it.
It's fantastic.
Yeah, he does a he did a talk like a like a in front of an audience where called Kevin
Smith, Burns and Hell, where he talked about various things, including the making of this
movie, in which one of the things that he pointed out, which is going to make sense
to you, Austin, having watched this, is he when he was writing it, he wrote he's like,
art, so everyone is is hip to like how movies go.
You know how a movie is going to end a lot of the time when you're watching it.
Like when he did Zack and Mary Makes a Porno, everybody knew that they were going to end
up together to formulate with this one.
He did it.
He's like every about 10, 15 pages, which is about 10, 15 minutes of movie time.
He's like, where is this movie going?
And then he just jumped away from that and went a completely different direction.
So I honestly believe like the opening of this was like, you know, it felt like we didn't
know like it didn't feel like almost like a buddy, like a kid comedy, like like like
a project.
It's a little bit super bad where they all die and the teacher, Knuckin, but all that.
Yeah, like a great written teacher.
Like what a great classroom scene could have been a that's one of my notes.
This teacher rules.
Yeah.
Well, the opening dialogue was just great setup for the church, this church that they
deal with the kind of just who these people are hanging out outside of a soldier's funeral
with a sign that says anal penetration equals eternal damnation.
Yeah, I mean, it's it's clever, but it's it's it's terrible.
I want to know who came up with that.
Kevin Smith.
Yeah.
Jason Muse when he was telling Kevin when he was talking about it.
It was really high.
Yeah.
So other than the buddy comedy thing, totally agree with except for the guy with the long
hair.
I kept thinking, is this guy 14 or 40?
Like he's in high school.
Then their other friend who's just an absolute unit.
This fucking guy just the tall guy.
He looks like he's superimposed on the screen.
He's the most wholesome of them.
I love what he when he compliments.
I wrote it down later, but when he compliments the lady, when they show up later, it's so
awkward and so uncomfortable.
He's like such a like an awkward dude.
There's such well written teenagers that I could have followed a completely different
movie with them.
He's wholesome.
If the three of them decided to go start like they're going on a road trip, like if they
went on a road trip to go to go visit, like whatever, I don't like that.
Or you'll see a movie I would have watched that lady.
They met on jerk me in the quad.
If they had, if they had put on ski masks and started robbing people, I would have been
on board.
Like the fact that they got the fact that they weren't even the main characters almost
pisses me off because they were so well written.
And I was like, I wish we had more.
I wish that he made a prequel to red state and it was just a pleasant movie with those
three, those three teenagers.
Maybe not.
Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller with those three kids.
Maybe not even pleasant.
Maybe because this is such a fucked up.
That's one of the things that makes this all, uh, partly into a horror category is cause
you like these three guys and you see them slowly die one by one and you think the last
guy is going to make it and he's with the female chick and it just, and then they both
just die and it just gives you a sense of helplessness.
I didn't write a lot of notes, but I wrote down four or five separate times.
Oh shit.
He killed that guy.
Oh shit.
That guy just killed when he runs.
When he runs outside with the gun and gets shot and falls in the fountain, I just wrote
damn.
Yeah.
But like in a good way.
So I mean, yeah, this opening is that teacher scene.
It's just so well written that he built such powerful, just like not powerful, but just
it's such.
No, it's very, the first 30 minutes is Kevin Smith.
You feel it.
It's that's a Kevin Smith movie and then it kind of changes.
So then you go into the kids.
He's like, one of them is like, Hey, I've been chatting with this older woman.
She wants to fuck the three of us.
All at once.
I wrote, I think at one point, yeah.
My second note, I get it.
She wants to go airtight with us is the term.
Airtight.
That's great.
I love that.
That's better than I wrote.
I get it.
High school is tough.
If you have the opportunity for a devil's four way, like you go for it.
Like I don't blame them for one minute.
If they could, if the three of them could yet plug up all of her holes, airtight.
I love that so much.
So fucking much.
Oh, a question of the week.
Let us know if you've gone airtight.
Yeah.
Let us know.
Or as the character would say, is it that kind of thing?
We have actually have a response.
I could not Mike said a gay slur.
Andy, that was, no, I did not.
I said, the character says, isn't that kind of bag?
Okay.
It's a quoting a line.
That's okay.
We're going to let you slide on that, but I'm actually going to, I'm glad you made
them say it again.
Cause now I have the audience will kill you.
All right.
So here's our first ever voicemail that we ever got on the show.
Do you want to hear it?
Yeah.
All right.
Ready?
Give us a call again.
My number is 1-800-901-5731.
Thanks for your time.
Seven seconds.
That's our first ever phone call.
I'm getting a lot lately, so we're going to be answering them live on the show.
So please call our, please go to our website.
Our numbers on the bottom.
Should we start calling this?
Should we call that number on live and just fuck with them from the voice?
Whatever number she gave you, just call it.
And if it's a scam or just fuck with them.
I mean, we could, but not, we've already done star wars.
We can't have too much fun.
We have to save that for another segment.
We want to prolong.
You were talking about those kids and I thought when I was watching this movie, this is where
my brain went.
Cause the kids get in the car to go see this girl, right?
And my thought is, my thought when I'm watching this movie live time, I turned to my wife
and I go, this is where Andy's going to decide these kids are the bad guys.
Now I see where you're going with this, but actually Mike, I decided to side with the
church if we're going to go with my whole topsy turvy.
So no, I don't, I don't think the kids are the bad guys.
I think they're just signing with the church.
No, no, no, they're not bad people.
Cause from the perspective of the church, listen, they're just, they're sinners.
Everyone's a sinner, Mike, that poor sheriff was just trying to get his rocks off.
Those kids had to go and hit his car.
Oh, sheriff, sheriff, they're the bad guys.
They did a hit and run.
Those boys are the bad guys of this movie.
According to your theories, sheriff dodge ball and deputy Badger.
Yeah, I wrote down Badger too.
That's some place I was like, Oh no Badger.
Oh shit.
They shot Badger.
I think I wrote it on point.
But okay.
Yeah.
So you're absolutely right, Mike.
I was too caught up with the charisma of these three young boys trying to air tight some
woman, make her airtight.
I love it so fucking much.
I watch a lot of porn.
Oh God, I'm going to Google that.
I didn't even, I didn't even think of adding that to my porn hub search.
I was just thinking, what a funny, I was comically just make a cartoonish image of a woman being
airtight.
She's just blowing up like a balloon, like a, like, like Harry Potter's aunt in that
scene, but just with four dudes around her.
I don't know.
You look, you look for gang bangs as devil's four way.
Yeah.
No, when I look for gang bang, I look up Bukaki.
You know what?
It doesn't matter.
Yeah, that's cool.
But see, but I need a real Bukaki.
Uh, no, we're not doing this.
People might, this isn't, we're trying.
We already did Star Wars.
We don't need another hour long conversation about your porn searches.
So I will say this.
Okay.
Since we're on the subject.
I wish you were a stranger so I could look at your porn search history.
Wow.
That might be the quote of the year.
I'm going to just, what was that?
52 minutes.
Oh my God.
Are we 52 minutes?
We haven't even fucking talked.
That was pretty good.
If I didn't know you, that would be so like when we went, did that show in a Sligman and
I went into my room at the Airbnb and I turned on the TV and it has a YouTube app and I go
and it says porn hob.
And then right before that someone said Elsa frozen and then porn hob on YouTube.
At the hotel you're at.
Yeah.
Someone left it in the search.
I'm, when we go back there in a month or so, uh, I want to go and see if it's still there.
I want to see that guy.
I think those are different people.
That guy is a stranger.
I want to see what his porn search history is at home.
But I hope that's different people.
And I also hope that there isn't an Anna or a frozen porn.
Oh, oh buddy.
Oh, oh you, my sweet summer child.
Oh my God.
Are we really at that point?
That's the prick.
I will say this though.
I did write once a script for a porno because I thought what porn is missing is just good
directing, good acting, interior mail says, would you like, would you be interested in
a devil's four way?
Would you be interested in going airtight?
My dear, uh, me and my two accomplices would, that was a great star Wars movie, wasn't it?
All three of your holes that air can come out of it.
Just, uh, so what's that Mac and me doll in the corner?
Don't worry about, don't look at the Mac and me doll.
Uh, but, um, it would be an X-Men, uh, parody or I mean, yeah, it'd be X-Men.
And so I even wrote names.
The main thing would be the, it would be the main guy and he would be having a legitimately
well choreographed fist fight with mystique in her blue form.
Uh, Misty, sorry, Misty, you know, there's a, that's a poor name for it.
Uh, and so they would be fighting.
It would be really aggressive.
It'd be fucking awesome.
And then they get into a compromised position and Misty like starts kissing him like on
the neck and stuff.
And it's a real, real hot and it's real sensual.
And then while they're fucking, she turns into different porn stars and you do it in
one continuous shot.
And as you like, as she's like about to go down on him, you kind of cut up to maybe his
face, you switch out the porn star with like a new chick and like you do a full blown,
like it's a, so it's multiple chicks and he ends up fucking like 10 porn stars, but just
in one continuous shot as a shape shifting chick.
And it ends with a, like a facial on like the blue chick.
So then I thought, where can we go from here?
Uh, you get rogue from X-Men 97.
Well, sure.
That's your own kink.
You keep it.
That's inappropriate.
We're talking about something serious.
You've been thinking about this for a while.
I have been.
So then I want to do the first ever about the bust out a whole script.
Like, all right, everybody's got parts here.
So I'm not, I, so I want to do a, a dual, um, rapesie with, with, um, professor X and
Magneto and it's a split screen.
Like, but it's like one of those, like, you know, it's like, you know, the actress is
like a nice rapesie, you know, like a nice one, sort of.
So, uh, you have on one end, you have professor X in Cerebro and he's there.
And then you see Jubilee just kind of hazily under his control walking in.
And then they have this, like, just this, this scene going on where he's like this man
in a wheelchair.
I want to cover a lot of bases because I want this to be a really inclusive, uh, pornography.
I want everybody to be able to see something.
And on the other end, you have Magneto and he's pulling, I don't know who's made a metal
that he could pull.
Wolverine.
Or I was thinking even Juggernaut, but we call him Juggernaut.
You save yourself here.
We want to make a nice rape scene.
That's inclusive.
Yeah.
Fuck it.
We better just at least have the person being rapey a man.
So no one cares.
He's got the wheelchair.
Yeah.
He's got the hypnotism.
Yeah.
He's got, yeah, we're going to go with Juggernaut.
I like it.
Yeah.
Full metal Juggernaut.
He pulls him in and you have the first ever half gay, half straight double rape scene.
I'll win a fucking fleshy for that.
I'll win some sort of porn star award or some sort of poor.
They'll name porn theaters after me.
Like there's going to be dudes jerking off in theaters in downtown LA named after me.
Those still exist.
I don't know.
I'm just imagining an alternate universe where Professor X gets canceled for convincing women
in their mind to fuck him and it's a big controversy.
You think about it.
If they made X-Men the boys and had a character like Professor X, which don't tell me if there
is a Professor X style character because I haven't gotten there yet, but if he used his
mental powers to be a rapist because one of the most realistic superhero movies, well,
not superhero, sorry, the most realistic person gets superpowers and uses their powers not
correctly, but uses them in a way that I think almost like your standard person would if
they're not like someone of high morals.
Kind of what the boys is.
Was fucking Hollow Man.
One of the first things Kevin Bacon does when he goes invisible is rapes a chick.
Now, I'm not saying that that's good behavior or whatever, but I do think that if that was
a thing that people could do, there'd be a lot of invisible rape.
It's just one of the sad, because we have real rape now where people go out and just
do it wherever the fuck and get away with it.
If you could go invisible, just like I think there'd be a lot of flying perverts, there'd
be a lot of blackmailer.
Yeah, they'd be looking at windows.
Right, yeah.
There'd be a lot of blackmailing going on with people that have telepathy.
Time stop.
Yeah, oh yeah, there'd be time.
That is a poor genre, isn't it?
Time stop is a poor genre.
You would know, Mike.
Well, no, I know what he's talking about.
I've seen it on research.
And now I know.
And knowing is half of the masturbation.
There's one where a gentleman gets sort of a remote from click, but you can control your
chick.
I've seen one where the guy orders a robot chick, but it's just a real chick.
It's a real chick, and she's just pretending.
Like dispensing lubricant.
Imagine clock stoppers, but if they paused and just started raping people all over the
place.
All I'm saying is, with great power comes probably a lot of rape that you wouldn't expect.
I believe Aidan, to get back to the movie, that is what the story is.
Speaking of rape, they reversed to catch a predator of these kids.
Yeah, they do.
It's like, no, dude, we're the fucking teens.
She's the older chick.
Like if anything, she'd get in trouble.
Great logic.
I love those kids.
But you're right, Mike, they did side swipe that car.
Are we sure we're done talking about porn in Star Wars?
Okay, fuck it.
I'm trying, man.
We're holding it over here.
I am trying.
Is that our next react video, Star Wars porn?
Oh, I didn't even think about putting the two together.
That's another rape scene with Vader.
He's literally using force.
I am your stepfather.
This is why we have to stick to bad movies.
It keeps us on track of hatred.
It kind of derails the whole thing, because this is actually a good movie.
This is such a good movie.
This is a great movie.
It's hard to talk about.
I would be ashamed of Kevin Smith hearing this.
He'd probably be proud of you.
He turned it off like he's like, what?
There's fucking Time Stop Born?
Fuck it.
I gotta look that up.
Not yet.
But if you're listening, porn industries, I'm here to direct.
I'll take any directing job.
A sequel to any of these bullshit movies we're watching.
We're each in your key demographic right here.
Married guys with kids, old men, and guys in their 20s.
You're interested in watching the best cinematography you've ever seen in porn.
So they go to the trailer after...
Oh, so they side swipe a car, and in the car is the sheriff deputy, or the sheriff, and
he's sucking off, or getting sucked off.
We don't know which was which, but I think he's sucking off the other guy.
He's getting sucked off.
I knew Mike would know that.
I knew he paused and went back to just check.
So I was looking at you when I said it, because I was like, I needed verification.
There weren't going to be any titties in this movie, so I knew Mike to focus on something.
And so a dude getting sucked off is good enough.
A little postage stamp titties on the...
Oh, they're looking at the ad.
Oh my God, of course you're absolutely right.
You son of a bitch, you did it again.
You found the only titties in what I thought was a tiddieless movie.
You absolute perverted old man.
Where were the titties?
Exactly.
Tell them where the titties are.
This is your specialty.
But you know what?
Where's the music?
Where's the music for Titty Minute with Mike?
What would that sound like?
Just a couple titties.
No, you need to go back and find the Titty Hiding Bitch episode.
Oh, like the Chia Pet.
Titty titties.
When they're looking at the jerkmaid in the quad, those old nasty...
Even finds old nasty titties.
This does not discriminate, does Mike?
Listen, hold on.
All bodies are beautiful.
I don't think there's anything old and nasty about anything.
Any titties can be anything.
I've seen titties...
You can still go airtight.
I've seen titties from A to Z, right?
All titties are beautiful.
No such thing as a bad one.
No set of bad titties.
When I grew up...
Did you ever see There's Something About Mary?
Is that when it cuts to a man's chest?
No.
Or what am I thinking of?
It's the mom's tits.
How old is mom?
What's his face?
Drama's brother, the actor's brother.
He's spying on them and he's trying to spy on Mary.
He puts the camera down and he goes to look again and it's the mom's tits.
How old is she?
Too old.
70s, 80s?
Yeah.
Gray hair?
Blonde?
I'm just asking if she's super old and it's like...
Super old.
Like, okay, well, fine.
You don't like old titties.
I think it's like wine.
I don't like the taste, but titties.
Get your trunk.
I don't know what I meant by that.
This whole group in this church, they're like a whole group of people that are like those
kids from Mean Girls.
And on the third day, God made the Remington Action Rifle so Jesus could fight the dinosaurs
and the homosexuals.
So when he was making this movie, a friend of his went to the Westboro Baptist Church
and interviewed the guy, the main, the grand wizard, whatever they call themselves over
there.
In some cases, yeah.
But in this particular one, Westboro, yeah.
So he went and he let Kevin Smith watch the tape and his wife didn't want to watch it.
She's like, you're not watching that in here.
I don't want to watch this bullshit because she's not religious at all.
And he's like, well, this is fucking interesting.
I want to go watch it.
So he like hide in the living room with his robe and he's watching it.
He said in the living room.
He said he had another TV that no one watches.
And so he goes in there and he covers up his robe and he watches this hour long.
It's terrifying.
He's like, I don't know if it was just because I was right up in the fucking TV staring at
it or not, but it was fucking terrifying.
And I was like, and so he calls up the dude.
He's like, you need to make this into a feature where it's like, what if, you know, the Westboro
Baptist Church, you know, they want to protest all these funerals, but they run out of funerals.
So they start making bodies to have funerals to protest or whatever.
And it's like, he's like, and the dude's like, no, I don't want to make that new movies.
Well, then fuck you.
All right.
And so he does.
And he writes this and he goes, he's jumping around every fucking 10, 15 minutes.
He's changing everything up.
We all watched earlier.
There's an alternate ending to this, which we'll get to.
But yeah, so this church is it's Westboro Baptist Church, right?
It's I mean, almost down to a T. Michael Parks.
Let's just get this off the top.
Holy shit.
Did he kick this out of the park?
And if you liked his performance in this, I'm just going to say we don't have to get
into a whole other thing.
Tusk is him.
So it's him and Justin Long.
They're the two guys in Tusk.
And it is one of the it's like I almost as good better red state.
I mean, I put them on the same level of just amazed, like, like dark, hard hitting, hard
to watch.
Tusk is harder to watch.
I'll just be honest.
That's a hard to watch.
I wish Kevin Smith would do more films like this.
I wish he would have done the Moose Jaws movie that he talked about.
Still talking about it.
Yeah, he also write them and let other people make them something.
Yeah.
See, I'm OK with that, too, because I like to see him write a Star Wars, honestly.
Yeah.
Oh, God, I think everyone wants Michael Parks, though.
That's what I wrote.
All right.
That is one great actor, because I hate that motherfucker.
Yeah.
I wrote I wrote that guy is I hate that motherfucker.
That is one great actor.
Yeah.
It's easy to hate him in this one.
And it's it's almost you hate him in the other one, too.
But like in a different way.
I don't know.
It's weird.
He plays dark and creepy.
Can you give me like a David Koresh?
Yeah.
Waco, which I've I've been to where Waco happened.
It's just like a concrete slab now.
And there's just nice people that live there.
There's like trailers and shit around it.
Interesting.
So they've turned it into something.
It's not like I drove in in my in my van and there's just a sign that says like, don't
come in here just because of the Waco massacre.
I was like, I didn't see that.
And I just went straight in.
They probably hate that shit.
That's fine.
My one of my profile pictures is me and Dennis Rodman.
And he's wearing a shirt that says no pics, please.
And I just the first thing I fucking asked the guy.
So like, I get it.
I just didn't I just pretended I didn't see that.
50 minutes in is the first hint of Brent Brennan in this movie.
OK.
Who's Brennan's character in this?
Brennan's character is the agent working with John Goodman, Kevin Ollahan, who shows up
halfway into the movie.
Probably one of the best parts of it.
So you guys know me and flies.
Oh, I have a lifelong letter.
My nemesis, just that the insect flies a fly.
I fucking despise them.
Real quick.
If I were the actor that played Brennan, I don't think that I don't think that I could
remember.
I don't think that I could finish this fucking scene.
When this happens right here.
So ladies and gentlemen, sorry, but you're watching Kevin Alejandro scream at both.
So fucking fly lands right on his forehead, right?
For just a moment.
But he doesn't.
He's so in the zone.
He's about to deliver one of the best lines, like just he's fucking.
I forget what it is, but because I can only concentrate on the fly.
This fly, by the way, if we just watch the next minute is buzzing around their fucking
heads the whole fucking time, I would, if as an actor, I'd be like, sir, director, do
we need to do this in this barn?
Is this where this needs to happen?
Can we get this?
Not just be behind a wall that there isn't flies.
I'm sure they're in that stable and that was the best shot they could get without a fly
landing on somebody.
Yeah.
I think that's the scene where he says, I mean, Jesus saves it all, but fuck people
like this.
Yeah.
There's some good lines, but that right there, that fucking fly right in his forehead.
I hate it.
I want to go to the Wikipedia and put Brennan, Dada, Nana, Shipley off the Boston playing
this guy, playing the fly.
We tagged just to fly.
Yeah.
So, um.
That guy's much more handsome.
Well, okay.
Don't be hard on yourself.
Everyone's beautiful.
All titties are beautiful.
Was that your favorite line, Mike?
So they crash into the car.
Brennan stops getting their dick sucked and the sheriff then goes back to the station.
He cries looking at a picture of his wife.
He like wants to kill himself.
Drinks a few trulies.
Drinks a few trulies, puts a gun to his head.
But that comes later.
We cut back to the boys.
They go to a trailer.
They see this like not very attractive looking woman.
I mean, all bodies are beautiful, but like she's, you know, she's whatever.
She's standard, standard, regular woman.
She is very mean to them.
Get the, get the trailer, sit down, drink your beers, drink them.
I'm not putting any man inside me that does not for a beer.
This is one of my favorite lines of that movie.
Yeah.
Well, that's what she says.
Here's her line.
Is this a great Miller Lite commercial?
No man gets in me without at least two beers.
Yeah.
That would be the most, if they was her in just a skeezy bar and she goes, no man gets
inside me without two bellies, two beers, Miller Lite.
It would have been the most realistic commercial of all time.
Surveys are crystal.
Yeah.
Uh, let me create just the preacher.
He's like, I hate gay homosexuals are the demons of the, and it just cuts to survey
suckers though.
But, but.
And I wonder if they, if they paid for that or what, cause that was literally green bottle
Miller Lite label straight facing out every time they were like really clear on what that
beer was.
Yeah.
It was perfect.
Let's talk more about star wars.
Um, the tall boy, when he goes inside and he, uh, is complimenting everything is my
favorite.
I love it.
Cause he's just like, he's like, Oh, first he's like, she lives in a trailer.
You live in a fucking trailer.
Like it's like, Oh yeah.
Well, I'm just saying, uh, and they go inside.
He's like, you have a really lovely home.
I love your carpet.
And she's just like, just drink your beer.
I love it.
So they get knocked out and then they wake up in cages.
Well, one of them wakes up in a cage.
The other two wake up down below in a basement tied up to each other.
And then we get, uh, a really, really well done hateful preaching session from an unhinged
pastor preacher, meth fueled, meth sermon, uh, in front of his family congregation.
It's a small, there's 20 members.
God, and there's hecklers and they're, they're just allowed to keep, he said something about
God and then you hear the lady in the background and said, yeah, that's not God's love.
I just wanted to smack shut the fuck up when the guy on stage is talking.
Shut your fucking mouth.
That bitch, uh, it's like, listen, your grandfather, your dad, your pastor guy, he's talking.
Right.
But he did get, this was one of those, he does allow, see, I wouldn't, if I went to
a crazy person's cult church, I wouldn't want there to be, uh, it to be a back and forth
conversation.
I prefer you sit there, you get the information, you leave more of a, like a classroom setting.
This would be, I don't want to want to be those like, he, where it's like, oh yeah,
hate the gay people.
You know, you gotta, like you just to yell, just to virtue signal.
I mean, you're in church, this guy went to school for this, let him fucking, I don't
think he went to school for this.
You could say, yeah, no, not, not this particular, but any church setting.
Real churches are like that, but there are call and response churches like a lot of black
churches, uh, very similar.
I want to go to one.
I would, I would, I would sit in.
I don't think I have the energy for like a black, black Baptist church or something where
you'd have, where you get up and you dance.
You're more pray the gay away camp.
No, I would not be a pray the gay away camp.
Actually, I just saw this, uh, we don't have to get political, but I did see this was one
preacher who wears a piece.
I think it's a priest and he wears a, uh, like a rainbow thing around his, around his
neck and he preaches, uh, love everybody, love everybody includes.
He's like, Jesus wouldn't hate gay people.
Jesus never talked about gay people once.
Jesus loved everybody.
He's like, love your neighbor.
What was the one thing he said?
What was his one golden rule treat people like you want to be treated and love your
neighbors.
I'm not even a believer, but I feel like if you're going to follow, like if you're going
to follow good advice, follow good advice.
You know, I didn't like a lot of what Gangus concept, but when he said, you know, get that
money, I thought that's fucking good.
Uh, it's good advice getting it's gone.
And he did, he got all that money all across the land.
Um, we're all 2% gang is gone.
So the 16 million descendants.
I actually just looked that up this morning.
Did you really?
I don't know how I got on that.
I was like, I don't know why my brain just went there.
It's like, I wasn't thinking about gang is con 30 seconds ago.
Did you just inception me?
Probably.
Were you thinking about it right now?
Did it pop up in your head before I said it?
When you said gang is con, I was like, oh yeah, I did Google that this morning.
Interesting.
I was like, how many descendants 16 million people have his DNA men mainly adult diapers.
Wait, Mike, are you incepting me?
Something?
Did I just read your mind?
Sorry.
I just heard adult diapers very clearly in my head from speaking to gay though.
One of my favorite jokes is Louis CK saying it ended with him.
He was like, he's, he's a, God doesn't hate you cause you're gay.
You're gay because God hates you.
That's, that would be perfect.
They would love that.
This church, the five pointers, which is, you might put right in there.
I actually think that their symbol that they created for themselves was kind of cool.
The five point, uh, five point across.
You see that it was a cross with the five little arrows sticking out from around it.
I like when people take the cross and make it their own, like famously make it red and
you have the red cross.
I love that.
It's good.
I mean, it was simple art, like it's simple marketing.
Everyone knows red cross and you see a red cross and that's what a red cross is.
You know what a red cross is, right?
I love it.
Five points, you know, art, this is the cult avoid the one with all the fucking little
arrows or whatever, but like dogma, another Kevin Smith movie, he makes buddy Jesus.
Oh yeah.
Like iron cross.
That's another good one, right?
Ooh, not a good one, but is a one that, you know, it's another one.
It's another one.
I don't appreciate the, but like, imagine if, you know, someone peaceful made the iron
cross, like if it was like a, you know what, because we had the swastika was a peaceful
symbol before Hitler inverted it and made it like a sign of hate.
What other symbols are just like 666?
I know people don't like seeing that.
I'll think of like the devil or whatever, but like, they went from that to good because
monster energy drink.
It's the three.
Some Christian lady was like, it's three Hebrew symbols for six.
It's like, it's people like back masking music, like just looking for things, like playing
music backwards and like, Hey, did you hear him say, like talk?
I gave my soul to the devil.
It's like, well, you hear what you want to hear.
You see what you want to see if you're looking for it.
Yeah.
The only time I've ever heard music that's played forward and backwards is, uh, even
at me.
Do you guys remember that one?
I hope to God someone plays that backwards and it sounds like, which is from, uh, the
Simpsons.
That's the best I've ever seen.
And they do it perfectly.
Cause it's just, they put just some middle Eastern women and they're like, and it's
joined the Navy backwards.
It's so good.
The old Mac books let you, used to let you like reverse music and like play it backwards
and forwards.
Oh, that's cool.
There's a chick that lived across street from me, kind of like a goth punk chick, whatever
showed me a song that like reversed.
And it was like last kiss.
And she played it back and it said, Satan.
And I was like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.
Then we watched Ray William Johnson.
Uh, one 17.
I'm going to, I'm going to find out.
I just put Yvonne nudge.
I'll know what it means.
Three hours later.
What the fuck was that?
My favorite line in this movie was, uh, when John Goodman goes simple, just shit itself.
That's great.
That was the phone.
Yeah.
Uh, so I think the plastic kill method is perfect.
No notes.
I have one no wrapping a person up in plastic Dexter style Dexter style, but wrapping them
up, it's I think smarter than what Dexter does.
He does a whole room.
It was good.
And then they shoot them from the top.
You get that little flame pop out the top, which I love that was that's also where the
one of the good quotes in this movie, which I don't understand.
Watch out for that gay saliva.
It can turn you.
Oh yeah.
That was a good one.
That was definitely put that line in there.
Make that guess.
Yeah.
That's great, dude.
Uh, and then when they put the body down below, they, they use the bone.
Sticking out to cut through the tape.
Well, at least one of them does.
And then the tall boy runs off.
I'm like, damn, I wrote the tall.
What a Dick left his friend.
He left his friend.
So then I thought about it.
Is this one of those, put your, your, your mask on before helping anyone else?
Because technically what homeboy did, he did everything right.
He left, he found the gun, found an AK 47 and then, uh, although I wouldn't have stood
right in the doorway, I would have gotten to a corner, couched down or something.
I would have left.
I would have went back to my friend.
Well, he was, he could have said, hold on or something, some kind of word of reassurance.
Anything.
Hold on.
I'll be right back.
Don't leave me.
I'll be right back.
And then he gets killed.
Fine.
Okay.
At least he was going to be right back.
This one, he just, he's like, sorry, bro.
And he left.
But the smartest part after that classic scene where two people die at the same time shooting
each other and then he runs, but then they go in there and you see the two bodies.
I'm like, did I miss something?
Did he fucking run in there and get shot or something?
And then you see him get up and I'm like, oh, okay, that was good.
He pulls the, uh, the old behind enemy lines trick, the old Owen Wilson specialty or hiding
under somebody's kind of deal, uh, which I love.
So yeah, that was great.
Super smart.
He gets himself a gun.
He doesn't use once.
I don't think he runs.
Now that was a, in the hallway there, he like, yeah, I would have just turned.
Yeah.
Found a spot to get low or something and catch him by surprise.
They're all running in a line, just pull the trigger.
You'll hit him.
Yeah.
You know, if he had turned around and shot, if he had went to the door, got behind, yeah,
he could have, he could have killed a few of them.
But yeah, so that sucked.
Uh, I mean, it was cool, but, uh, it was exciting.
And when he runs around, like, um, that was, that was a cool chase scene.
Like the way that was shot, it was very frenetic because you don't know where anyone's going.
Um, so, uh, I'm willing to, so the, the deputy finding that, uh, station wagon, I think was
a little unbelievable when Badger drove by and he happened to notice inside the compound
on a, on a drive by that there's the station wagon after they called.
So that Aiden called the sheriff, so he called the sheriff.
That's when I went, yeah, Steven Rue, he called the sheriff.
No, he talked to him on the, over the radio.
He called him, Hey, I got my car hit, uh, go find, no, no, no, no.
He was in the office.
I'm saying, I'm saying when Aiden, the preacher called the sheriff, was that before or after
that?
Because when the preacher called him, that's when I went, holy shit, Steven root.
Cause the Aiden calls him and tells him, you know, who's Aiden, the pastor, the pastor.
Yeah.
He calls Steven root the sheriff that was over the deputy's radio after the radio.
Oh yeah.
That happened.
That's after he killed Badger though.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, that's what I was trying to timeline it.
Yeah.
So you have to tell them to go find the car and then he sits there and he drinks and he
about to kill himself because he feels bad about being gay because that's what the small
town America does to gay men.
It makes you feel like you can't be your true self.
So he then when Badger's out on the road, he very miraculously finds the, the station
wagon, they have cameras set up.
So pastor goes out to talk to them.
They had already killed one guy at this point.
It's the confrontation of like him, it's the tall boy escaping.
He gets the room with the AK and then Badger hears the gunshots and then, uh, homeboy,
the past, wait, who kills?
Does the other guy come out or does the pastor kill him?
The other guy comes out.
The other guy, the gung ho, the gun gun, the Dale Gribble, the one that the other one's
on the roof.
The guy, uh, the guy from, uh, tremors.
Yeah.
The thing that I thought about it was just that he's not from Steven roots acting in
that scene and that whole scene when he, and then he's talking to him on the radio and
he's basically Steven root never says the word.
He just crying.
He's like, you just see every emotion that he's going through for like that three minute
scene.
Someone is one of the best acting jobs without dialogue.
I've seen where you just could feel the conflict within Steven root that whole time.
Yeah, someone, someone had taken his stapler fucking pissed, lost a dodge ball game.
He lost his red stapler.
Um, so yeah, uh, then shit hits the wall.
You get Badger gets killed.
The sheriff talks to the him over the phone or over the radio.
He says, Hey, I know you're, you're gay.
I have pictures of it.
I'm going to send it to your wife.
I'll send it to the news.
If you tell it, you know, don't do anything about this.
We'll bury the body.
We'll kill the guy.
Whatever.
And then the sheriff, he's about to kill himself and let these guys get away with it.
And then he looks up at some paperwork that says that these dudes are on like an FBI watch
ATF watch list.
And then he calls John Good.
Well, he doesn't call John Goodman.
He calls ATF.
They call John Goodman.
Now John Goodman's in the movie and John Goodman's great.
John Goodman's walking around like a toddler.
I don't know what his walking gate is all about in this movie.
It's very bad ass walk.
No, no, it's not.
When he gets out of his bed, he looks like like when I say like a toddler, what I mean
is baby legs with just a top heavy body.
Like it looks like he's always about to fall.
He's always wobbling around.
He looks like he's going to fall.
Like he looks I'm sorry, but he just looks old.
At this point, he weighs about 300 pounds.
And it's like it's honestly that's just his was down a lot of weight at this point, though.
But it also becomes the main character of the movie who doesn't show up until halfway
through and they're making it look as unglorious.
You know, he's woken up at like four a.m. and all this.
Oh, yeah.
He doesn't come off as like a good guy.
Honestly, he doesn't because first thing he does is light a cigarette second he wakes
up.
Yeah, like he's well, he doesn't come off as a bad guy.
It's kind of a trope of an old worn out cop.
Yeah, but I don't think there's any virtuous characters in this movie because if you even
want to go with the with the fact that these three boys were going to airtight some chick,
like that's not necessarily a morally corrupt thing.
I'm not against that.
But it's more the hit and run.
It's yeah.
Well, yeah, you're right.
The hit and run.
Those are criminals.
So they deserve to die.
And then anyone in that church deserve to die.
And then any of the agents that were OK killing women and children deserve to die.
But also the women and children deserve to die for being in the church.
So I think every single person that was involved except for the they don't have control over
being in the church.
Well, it depends on how old how old the kids were.
There was like a 12 or 13 year old girl that looked like she knew what was up.
And I think I think she would be she'd be on the on the chopping block.
I think like maybe the three year old saveable, the eight year old, we got it.
You'd have to ask her some questions.
Well, the way this movie cuts to him talking to the agents at the end, I just assumed that
this movie played out the same way Kevin Smith laid it out in that video.
So then it makes me wonder if those angels killed those kids.
Well, if you watched, if it really was the ending, then it would be the end of all times.
But it would be cool if if we didn't see the four horsemen of the apocalypse go by, if
it was just an angel came down and killed everybody except for John Goodman.
And then he was standing there.
It's like, but then the reason that wouldn't work is because all the ATF agents didn't
die and they have the dude in custody.
So it's just it's not the actual actual.
That would be cool.
So.
This movie does not police radio correctly because he lets go of the radio after he and
then gets and then he gets shot.
And then the guy, Steve Root heard the gunshot on the other end.
That's not how radios work.
Come on, Kevin Smith.
Oh, shit, kid got shot.
Oh, shit, he got shot.
Oh, shit, this dude got shot.
Fly landing on forehead.
Oh, the guy who.
In one of more brutal kills, the one who refuses to kill the girl, he finds the girl when she
runs out.
He's like, stop.
Hey, I got a girl.
She looks like she's willing to come with us.
And then he gets the orders to kill like killer.
And then he fires off all the bullets, gives her a gun so that it's going to look like
she deserved to die.
Right.
At least on his end, which is smart.
That's smart.
If you got a killer, they at least make yourself look good.
I don't I don't.
I'm not against that.
But that actor played Riley in season four of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
He played her military boyfriend.
And when I say military, he just worked for it.
He worked for an organization that hunted monsters, which you could imagine that's Buffy's
trait, man.
That's like what she does, especially in Sunnydale, which is a hell mouth tracks monsters.
And so Riley is part of a government organization, hunts monsters.
So they clash, but then they start dating, if you can believe it.
And he's a main character for all season four.
I would say that the villain that they fight in season four, his name is Adam.
He's sort of a Frankenstein's monster of military tech and people.
Did they go airtight with Buffy?
See, that's where I was going.
I was hoping we could turn this into some sort of pornography parody where she gets
airtight.
A vampire Frankenstein's monster.
The Karens, the old ladies with the guns.
I was laughing at that part where they're just like up in the windows.
I'm like, I wrote Karens with guns is funny.
That's yeah.
Say daddy.
We skipped quite a bit right there.
One of them kind of looks like Anthony Keatis.
Stop taking notes.
It's just simple to shit itself and then Karens with guns is funny.
No, because this is that's where John Goodman turns into a badass halfway in there when
he starts screaming at the sheriff and he makes him run and fall down running into the
car and holy shit, that sheriff.
He really fell too.
Yeah, he really fell.
It was like he was a convincing bit.
And then also hold on.
Well, it was Anthony Keatis.
There was one of the old ladies that was shooting the guns and she was making like a face.
She kind of looked like Anthony.
Hot chili peppers.
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
OK.
Yeah, I see what you're talking about.
The first kill that really surprised me was when Aidan the preacher shot that sheriff
out there.
That's the worst.
I was the one right now.
He's standing there talking.
Oh, holy shit.
Is that OK?
Is that guy from City Slickers?
That's no, I don't watch movies.
Shit.
What are you doing?
Well, he was also in Hostage, the movie that's still sitting exactly where I left it when
I gave it to you to watch.
That's where I saw him most recently was Hostage.
Right in front of you.
Yeah.
He Bruce Lee.
Stares at me every time I watch anything.
I didn't even think about that, but there he is looking at me.
Who is this guy?
Where am I?
That's where the ATF or John Goodman took that call right after that.
And the ATF said, fuck it.
Now they're terrorists.
Kill them all.
I love that scene.
I wanted it right.
You send me a text, an email, something that's going to cover my ass if I'm going to do
this.
I'm not going to do it.
The ATF became the bad guy right then.
We knew they already were, but I'm just saying.
No, hold on.
Actually, I don't think that they're being bad.
They're doing American justice.
I think if you have a Westboro Baptist Church with an armory of guns and they're shooting
at cops, then yeah, wake up their asses.
Throw some tear gas.
We can't just arrest them because that's what Goodman wanted to do was arrest them.
And he's like, no, fucking kill them.
Well, okay.
I mean, if you could arrest them.
But the problem was that Steven Root's character shot the kid.
That fucked everything up.
So he's really the bad guy.
And then he got shot and probably one of the worst deaths I've ever seen.
You're hung over.
You're worried about getting caught for being gay.
He just killed an innocent guy.
But he did just get his rocks off a few hours before.
He did hook up with the...
Did they finish?
I don't know.
I think they got interrupted.
He could have left with blue balls.
He had blue balls, hung over, just killed an innocent person.
You're blackmailed for being gay.
One of the Easter eggs, Kelly, Kevin Smith says there's 10 fan Easter eggs in the movie.
And one of them is that he's introduced and exits with a shot to the head.
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
I think he says that in one of his talks.
That's funny.
Yeah, dude.
So I guess really he's one of the worst bad guys in the movie by first off considering
not reporting his deputy being killed.
I don't care that he did some gay shit, but the fact that he let that get in, instead
of him doing his job, getting in the way.
And also for shooting that kid, for having a panic breakdown.
So yeah, him getting killed, that was almost justified in a way, if you think about it,
because he did.
If that kid running out with a gun was one of the Westboro Church, one of the Five Point
Church people, and they just murdered him on his property, then I feel like that's a
declaration of war at that point.
So almost the Five Pointers are justified in firing back because it's like-
Who shot first to Waco?
ATF.
Okay.
But at the same time-
Or Ruby Ridge, that's part of this whole thing.
The movie feels like Smith took Waco, Ruby Ridge, 9-11, and Westboro Baptist Church
and tied them all together into one store.
So Waco's one of the more controversial things that's happened, right?
The Branch Davidians.
Waco's the city it happened in.
The Branch Davidians, and I know that one guy made a, he made the fertilizer bomb and
blew up a government building in response to-
That's a different one in Oklahoma.
It was in response to that.
That was the Oklahoma City bombing.
Who is from Kingman, by the way.
Oh my God.
Really?
One of my jokes is we're Mojave Comedy, the biggest thing blowing up out of Kingman since
Timothy McVeigh.
And then also now we got the armorer from Rust, who lives here.
That's Mojave.
Yeah, so like this little area-
We got you one better, Habesu.
We sold the drugs that killed Mac Miller.
Well, great.
And the storage wars guy.
Welcome to the tri-state area where it's a great vacation spot.
So where were we before we-
Tangerine.
Yeah, before we tangent.
Fuck, I forgot.
John Goodman got a really good headshot.
Yeah.
Yeah, when the terrorist, when the ATF goes in, they shoot the guy in the- basically the
battle has started.
Yeah.
Great battle.
Big gun battle.
Super tense feeling the whole time.
You don't know what's like.
The fact that people are just getting fucking murdered is awesome.
I love it.
There's lots of good little kind of cutesy surprises like the ladies yelling at them
and just popping their nipples.
A lot of little cutesy Kevin Smith touches to how they die.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, cutesy.
Not a word I wrote down once in my notes.
I guess we're all desensitized for repo.
Now we're watching Red State.
What a cutesy little moment when that chick's head fucking explodes from an ATF shot.
There's not a death in this movie that's not surprising.
He runs out of the house, gets shot, fall on the floor.
You do not see that coming.
When the guy runs into the room and then he shoots the other guy and the other guy shoots
him, that's like a moment where you're like, oh fuck.
It makes you feel what that character would be feeling.
Yeah, he takes the gun battle, he puts it in these little one minute, not one minute,
like 10 second snippets of this person gets his cool death and it goes away to gunfire
and then this person gets cool death.
And Brennan walks up and shoots the guy and the girl right there.
That was pissing me off.
Oh fuck.
That was such a good moment.
I like that actor.
I watch him in Fire Country and he's a, but he's, what the fuck, I love Kevin Alondra
from Fire Country, but he's just shooting chicks and innocent hostages in the face.
My note after that, what the fuck Brennan, now God's mad.
They were a job, man.
They were a terroristic cell, Mike.
They according to the government, everyone in that building was part of a terrorist group.
Terror cell that needed to die.
Including the hostages?
Yeah.
The government.
They classified it that way so that they couldn't be blamed if anything turned up your way.
Exactly.
I'm going off of-
Because these guys are good at manipulating media.
Listen, his take on this was definitely to make the government the bad people.
History is written by the victors.
Everyone was bad.
History is written by the victors.
We go by history, right?
So historically moving forward in this universe would be there was a terrorist cell that the
ATF took care of.
No one other than the people there are going to know any difference.
So us just being a podcast out in Arizona, from our perspective, ATF did a great job.
Let's give it up for the boys in blue.
Another-
There we go.
Good job, ATF for taking rid of those fucking scumbags.
Does this take place in the ViewSQ universe?
Ooh, it could very easily, right?
Because it wouldn't affect anything.
I'm sorry, ViewSQ?
It's the Kevin Smith universe.
So this could absolutely take place in a post-dogma universe, right?
Because the effects of dogma would be felt like-
Let it radicalize.
Nothing apocalyptic happened.
But seeing Buddy Jesus be debuted would probably piss off Michael Park's pastor character.
It would probably be easier to radicalize people if you had stuff like, look what the
Catholic Church is bastardizing Jesus by making Buddy Christ or whatever.
Speaking of just two seconds ago, Timothy McVeigh, because I did remember what I was
going to say.
So he blew up and he killed a bunch of people, including children, and it was a terrible
thing.
He did it-
I don't think he knew there was a daycare, but I don't think that matters.
But he blew up that in response to the way that the ATF or whoever dealt with Branch
Divinities.
I worked security guard once for a warehouse, and this dude that I worked with as another
security guard, after I guess us working together for maybe a year, maybe a few months or whatever,
he conspiratorially whispers to me, even though he didn't need to.
We're in a booth with no cameras or anything, but he was just normally talking.
But then he just stops.
He goes, he goes, listen.
You can never tell anyone this.
So here we are.
And here we are.
15 years later, but it's like, you can't tell anyone this.
I wrote letters to Timothy McVeigh in prison, and he wrote back, and we were pen pals for
a while.
And I was like, who's Timothy McVeigh?
And he's like, oh, then I heard it from his perspective first.
So he's a hero for at least a moment before, like at least a day or two before I Googled
Timothy McVeigh.
I thought you were a little sympathy.
He's an American.
And so I thought American hero Timothy McVeigh falsely arrested.
So how did you feel about that coworker after you Googled it?
Oh, God, when I found out that Timothy McVeigh blew up a building and children died and
he's just an insane person, I distanced myself conversationally with this dude.
How do you distance yourself with a guy in a small room?
Well, I found out.
Let me tell you this game.
I met some of our coworkers.
Fair enough.
Some of our coworkers.
And he's very good at distancing himself.
And he just pretends they're not real.
Andy just went, let me show you this game I play with the flies.
That was actually years later.
Different, different.
But I know.
But you guys are absolutely right.
If there's someone at work that I don't necessarily want to talk to, I won't.
I just don't.
And you know what the beauty of it is?
And here's a here's a life lesson you get for free for me right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, listening is you don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to talk
to.
You're completely free to just have someone think you're a dick because who cares, especially
if you don't want to talk to them?
If there's someone that you don't want in your life, just don't have them in your life.
That's it.
That's the easiest way to be kind because otherwise you're forcing yourself to talk
to these people you don't want to talk to.
And then you could probably come off mean at times, especially me.
I come off mean if there's someone I don't want to talk to.
And I would rather just not just pretend they're not there.
It's great.
Shaman and unbelievers.
Yeah.
Back to religion.
Yeah.
So American hero Timothy McVeigh.
I mean, oh God, terrorist Timothy McVeigh.
But that was you know what?
You know how many times I've been fooled?
We were talking about titties earlier and good titties, bad titties and all titties,
great titties.
But that should be your theme song.
But when I show them to me when I was a kid, the first rated R movie my parents ever showed
me was was Total Recall.
And in Total Recall, the only titties you see is an alien with three titties.
And I was six years old.
And I think it was a 10 when I realized that you can only have two, maybe one, but you
can only get two.
And so I up to 10 I mean, for like, yeah, for four years of my develop young developmental
age, I thought women could have any amount of titties.
It could be two, three.
I was looking for fours.
I was on the lookout.
I was like, man, is it the more kids you have, the more titties you have?
Because I only had my older sister in me.
So I was like, OK, that makes sense.
She one titty for my sister, one titty for me.
And then when my little sister is born, I was like, where's what's happening?
Where's your third titty mom?
And you imagine the octo mom and that exactly.
I would look like a cow.
Just be like an utter.
Were you disappointed when I was?
I was.
But I was chasing these single moms for no fucking reason.
Yeah, I made friends with four, three, four kids at a time.
I kept finding women with mastectomies thinking, all right, no children.
Is it a mastectomy?
Is that where they lose?
Must be.
Yeah, yeah, that's fucked up.
I'm sorry, guys.
That was my titty expert.
Yes, that is a mastectomy.
Yes, it is.
Yeah.
I can show you some pictures.
The doctor equivalent of that titty hiding bitch, the medical equivalent for Mike Larson
over here.
That was him saying that terrible titty removing bitch, that titty removing bitch.
But yeah, so anyway, the big shootout and that's basically where the movie ends, pretty
much.
Yeah, that whole conversation they had was like interesting.
It's like all this action and crazy shit now.
OK, they're all safe.
John Goodman is the only person who lived.
Well, I mean, yeah.
And then what happened?
It gets interesting at that point.
They're like, we're going to bury him.
But does Goodman get fired?
Does he get promoted?
No, does he quit?
Yeah, but then he takes his gun off in his badge and throws it on the table.
Because he was suspended for a week.
Yeah, they suspended him for a week.
You're suspended for a week and then you get promoted.
So yeah, it's like fired.
But even he acted confused about it.
What the hell are you people doing?
Yeah, it's like you're promoted.
So Austin, being your first time watching, when you heard the trumpets going off, was
there any part of you that thought that the church was right?
Like did he trick you?
Because I remember the first time I watched it being like, whoa, it's a Kevin Smith movie
you're watching for the first time.
And it's not like anything else he's ever made.
I had no idea what the fucking thing.
When the preachers, but when the cause even John, even John Goodman's character turns
it was like, what is going on?
You know, like he's asking him and the guy's like, these are the trumpets, three more blasts.
And we, you know, it's apocalypse.
And the way he's saying it, I believed him.
And then the horns really do sound fucking biblical in nature.
He believed it.
Yeah.
But you could tell the preacher believed it.
He was doing like the fire and brimstone, like revelations.
And now it's all going to end.
You know, this is all, you know, like, and they're just laughing.
I liked that they put their guns down.
They start rejoicing in their basement.
They just come out there like, this is it.
They so believed it was like, yeah.
I liked when they confirmed that it was like the kids on the farm.
And I just pictured like some Jay and Silent Bob was piss off those fucking cult member
fuckers up the road.
That would be great.
Jade, Silent Bob would have been a poor choice to add in this movie.
But that end scene is where a lot of the best quotes of this movie are though.
That's where I think Kenan says people do the strangest things when they believe they're
entitled, but they do even stranger things when they just plain believe.
He says that to the ATF guy.
The ATF guy basically when he's saying, why do we got to kill them all?
Basically, he said if the ATF boss guy looks in and he goes, what is this September 10th,
2001, we do what the fuck we want now.
He basically says, fuck them.
Whatever we want.
They're terrorists.
Now we do what we want.
When John Goodman is talking to the ATF agent, he's telling us allegory about a dog.
And he says, and here's the thing.
I'm willing to believe that even God came down at the end of the angels come by.
I'm willing to believe that these three boys were going to suffocate a poor woman by plugging
up any access she has to air and making her airtight.
Give her the devil's four way in that trailer.
I'm willing to believe that John Goodman is a newly cloned newborn baby walking around
like a toddler, but what I'm not willing to believe is what John Goodman says to the ATF
agent.
You know, my dog followed me around because I was never good at finishing my suppers.
I was looking at him going, nope.
Nope, Kevin Smith, you go too far, my friend.
You had to make this some sort of whimsical fantasy movie.
You're telling me John Goodman at any point in his life didn't finish a supper.
You think John Goodman has put down food without a goalie?
No.
John Goodman has eaten any food that's been near him forever.
So Battlefield Earth is a workplace comedy and Red State is a fantasy.
Red State's a fucking, just like Star Wars, might as well be Space Wizards at this point.
Fucking John Goodman not finishing his fucking supper.
Anyway, that's my last note.
I'm ready to rape this bitch, but yeah, we can keep going.
Well, about the ending of this movie though, about the ending of this movie, we were talking
earlier about how he had that alternate ending with the apocalypse actually happening.
I don't think that would have made a better movie because they had a $5,000 special effects
budget basically for this movie, which I thought they did amazing things with.
Just the gunplay, it was amazing that they got that with $5,000.
I don't know how they did that.
But if this movie would have ended like that, you wouldn't have got any of the juxtaposition
at the end about the ATF and the 911 stuff and all the story to this movie wouldn't have
existed.
It just would have become a, at that point I could have seen it as a horror.
Had the apocalypse happened, then it's a horror movie because it takes all the politics out
of it.
There's no politics involved.
If it actually really happens, if they were right all along, it's just a horror movie.
But all the thought provoking stuff in this movie is because they didn't have the budget.
Just the Kevin Smith movies, I think he does way better because he makes you think about
things which you wouldn't think about any of this crap if they had done that ending.
It just would have been, well, is it real or not?
There would have been nothing to do with it.
It would have been the most Kevin Smith-esque ending.
The way he ended it was more different outside the box for him than if he would have done
the actual apocalypse.
Yeah, if he did the apocalypse, it's just whatever.
It would have been silly, but it would have been cool.
There's a movie I watched recently.
It would have been cool, but it wouldn't have made you think about anything.
There's a movie I watched recently where there's a chick being chased around by this family
in this mansion.
They're trying to hunt her down.
She finds out the reason they're trying to hunt her down is because they have to sacrifice
her the new bride for this family or whatever.
Because if they don't, then the curse that's on their family kills them all or whatever.
She's like-
Cabin in the woods.
No, but then she realizes, oh my God, this is just a crazy family that just kills people
every year or every time someone gets married because they think that there's a fucking
curse.
It's realistic where she's like, oh my God, these people are just fucking crazy.
At the very end when she's-
Spoiler.
Well, spoiler, yeah.
Sorry.
Just skip a minute.
At the very end when she is with the family and she survives until dawn, nothing happens.
She's about to be like, see, you guys are fucking crazy.
Then all their heads start fucking exploding because the curse was real and they were absolutely
right to fucking kill every bride.
I was like, oh my God, that's fucking great.
That's the kind of... It reminds me very much of this or it's just like... It's the
opposite of... It's the apocalyptic ending.
Honestly, works both ways.
Because if they had ended that movie with her just leaving the house and the family
feeling like fucking fools, that would have been an okay ending too.
But the fact that they all fucking died because the curse was real, it would have been similar.
I still don't think it's a horror, but that's just me.
The horrors and the real life hatred and violence of people are capable of doing.
Oh, there's an interesting thing about the cast in this.
When you go to the credits, which it wouldn't let me do it, I had to go actually look at
them on something else because it wouldn't let me do it on Tubi.
But the cast in the credits is divided into three parts labeled sex, religion, and politics.
It represents the respective characters' roles in the movie.
What?
Yeah.
Like I said, I don't know how they did this movie.
It's a four million dollar budget.
I have no idea how they... I once think Kevin Smith can't do this great budget.
The thing that I thought was impressive was he filmed it in 25 days.
In 25 days, four million dollars.
I'm just thinking about Goodman getting paid.
It doesn't even seem like four million is close.
What does the teacher have to do with sex?
Yeah, wait.
Hold on.
Okay.
So here's... Okay.
Because they're talking about... Here's under sex.
We have the boys, the teacher, the boys' parents, the news reporter, the sheriff, the plastic
wrapped guy, and the deputy.
With religion, you have all of the religios.
All the cult members.
The believers.
Again, we're not shitting on believing... Just don't join a cult.
Don't join a fucking extremist cult with a bunch of AK-47s and you want to hurt gay people.
And then politics is all the ATF.
Oh yeah.
Agent Echols, Carol, Brooks, Asap Brooks, Janet Kenan.
Who's the Kenan?
Oh.
Kenan John-Gibson.
That main guy.
Oh, Kevin Pollock is the guy you were thinking of that got shot in the face.
Yep.
Kevin Pollock.
Who it is.
Cool.
I didn't notice that.
Good catch.
It was a $4 million budget.
This thing only went into five US theaters at its widest, really.
It made $1.87 million.
He self-distributed.
Yeah.
But there were five actual... That went to...
He also went around and did the road show.
I went to it at the road show.
Oh yeah.
So tell us about that.
So you actually went to an actual Kevin Smith conference.
Where he did a talk.
He did a talk.
He came out before the movie for like two minutes.
Just for like two minutes before the movie.
He just did a little set up talk.
It was nothing.
And just a couple little jokes and stuff.
And then he played the movie.
And then he came out on stage after the movie.
Did he do a full hour and a half?
No, it was only about an hour.
Little less than an hour, I think.
How many questions did he answer?
Five, I think.
Four or five.
It wasn't very many.
No.
It wasn't very many.
It's like if Andy did a Q&A.
If I did a Q&A.
It would just be like, I get two questions.
It would all lead to Buffy.
All roads lead to Buffy.
So Andy, this porno, you use the word airtight a lot.
It's like, let me tell you about Star Wars.
I want to tell you about my friend Austin and the journey it took to get to airtight
four.
So you don't want to know about what Kevin Smith said.
The plug in.
No, no, no.
I am.
Where did you come up with the... We're not done.
He brought up porno.
Andy, where did you come up with the casting ideas for this movie?
All right, so have you heard of the American hero, Timothy McVeigh?
Yeah.
Fuck.
Okay, so tell us about actually being there though.
Actually being there was interesting.
He did not spend as much time as I would have liked and he was really only about this movie.
He didn't really do a full Q&A.
He didn't do celebrity stuff?
No.
He just basically was talking about this movie.
And he basically talked about writing it and how he took it.
See that's where I got that... He said it's like loosely based on real life events but
not real.
In other words, he was talking about how he remembered all this stuff in the news and
the Branch Davidians and the Waco, Texas thing.
And what was the other?
Ruby Ridge?
He talked a long time about Ruby Ridge, which I don't really know the whole story of Ruby
Ridge, but I think it's similar.
I think the deal with Ruby Ridge is the ATF shot a person that they didn't mean to and
it set off the whole thing again.
It says fucking massacre.
Yeah, it was a family thing or whatever.
And it said, okay, oh here's what he said, Fred Phelps, Jim Jones, David Koresh and other
leaders, it's not based on any one of them.
It's all of them kind of stuck together.
And he said most of what it was, he was talking a lot about terrorism and the government's
response to it.
And that what he wanted to get across is that we go too far.
It was kind of what his whole point was in the talk was basically, we made it kind of
funny, but basically was saying they shouldn't be able to do just whatever they want.
And what's interesting is he's a Christian and he identifies as Christian.
He's not Catholic anymore, but he's Christian.
He says that in his talk.
So it's interesting he made this movie critiquing a culty aspect of Christianity.
As he put it, extremism on all sides.
That's what he said.
Every side has become extreme.
From this point to now, I think it's just worse.
It's kind of like our society just keeps getting more extreme on all sides.
He wasn't critiquing one side.
He was saying the ATF is going to extreme, the church people were going to extreme, the
sheriff's in extreme, all the people in town hating the gay people's in extreme.
He said everything in our society and even back then, not as much as now, but basically
a commentary on taking everything to its 10th level is not necessarily the way to go.
But people are doing it more and more.
You have the fucking CT Kia boys out there just fucking not giving a fuck about nothing.
The what?
Kia boys?
Kia boys.
You know the CT Kia boys?
No.
I think we're at-
Oh, that's the ones stealing the cars?
Yeah, dude.
I think that's the lowest point of civilization right now is this fucking CT Kia boys.
It's just these fucking-
They're just taking Kia's?
Bro, it's just these boys.
I mean, we're talking young.
What kind of car do you drive, Andy?
I drive a Kia.
That's why he cares.
He always cares.
Him and I are both in Kia's.
We're both in Kia's.
Fuck those Kia boys.
Yeah, fuck those Kia boys.
They also steal Hyundai's, but-
Kia boys, I drive a Nissan that breaks down a lot.
You don't want it.
Yeah, dude.
You know what the crazy part I found out this little documentary I watched about them is
that they steal cars, right?
Two or three a night sometimes.
They just go joy riding, just fucking around, just swerving in and out of traffic, going
super fast, getting into high speed chase with the cops on purpose just to fucking escape
on filming their antics, putting it on Instagram.
It's like motorcycle people, too.
They do the same shit.
But what's crazy is they sell these cars, and the amount of money they make is nothing.
A car in the hood, $50 to $100 is what you make for selling a car to someone.
The reason being is that the people buying these cars are only using them one time to
steal shit and then abandoning the car somewhere.
They're just using them for robberies.
It's just like these kids who are all in high school, sometimes younger, and they're in
these little gangs, and to do those interviewing them, he's like, so why?
It's just like, oh man, it's just fucking, this is what we do.
Hood shit, fucking CT keyboard, man, this is what we do.
It's like, what do you spend your money on?
It's just like, man, I got to get the new fucking clothes.
It's just clothes.
It's always just clothes.
You got to get the new jeezies.
He's just Calvin Klein sweater he's wearing at one point.
There's a lot of bad crime in the world, but the Kia boys, cars getting stolen, people
stealing shit, it's just more spread out.
Back then we had the Unabomber and shit like that.
Yeah, back then it was just-
Back then it was just-
It was really bad, instantly.
I saw a documentary on him, the whole thing, Ted Kaczynski.
American hero.
Me and my friend just decided to watch it and they're describing one of the bombs he
sent to somebody's house and he says, yeah, then his kid came down after hearing a loud
boom and saw only his dad's shoes with his feet still in it.
Me and my friend just started cracking up laughing so fucking hard.
He just came downstairs, just his feet left.
And then at the very end when they catch him, they catch him, they said it, the worst wordage
you could use for this is that the police had him arrested and then Ted Kaczynski got
fingered by his family.
Oh man, with enough distance you can make anything funny.
I bet you somebody could make a funny Pearl Harbor movie at this point.
No, maybe not at this point.
Maybe you can wait another 20 years.
1941 I think, or 42.
What is it?
John Belushi one.
Yeah, they did.
They did funny Pearl Harbor?
Yeah, they did.
They did funny Pearl Harbor?
Yeah, there's a funny John Belushi.
Too soon.
Talking too soon, you monsters.
How could you?
It was 20 years ago.
How could you?
John Belushi.
It was longer than that.
Yeah, John Belushi's been dead for like 40 years.
Yeah, John Belushi's been dead for way longer than 20 years.
40 years ago, whatever.
That's close.
We've got to make a funny John Belushi movie about him dying the way he did.
All just coke fueled range.
Yeah, too soon.
That'd be great.
So yeah, let's get into this.
Let's rate this thing.
What are you?
Oh, you had more?
Do you have any notes?
I'm done with notes.
Did we cover everything?
Just making sure.
Covered everything?
Yeah.
I mean, fuck, this is a B plus movie.
I mean, this is honestly one of the best movies Kevin Smith has made.
Fuck, but every movie, like not every movie, but he's, he's, he's, it's great.
I give it a B plus, honestly.
10 out of 10 for me.
I'm going to go B minus.
That's only because the angel scene's not in it.
And I know that's not his fault for budget.
I just think the movie would have been a B plus if it had that scene in it.
Wow, they did.
Okay.
B minus is also the same rating I give to Mallrats as well.
Interesting.
How about Chasing Amy?
Have not seen that.
How about Dogma?
Haven't seen that.
How about?
Seen Clerks 1 and I don't remember it that well.
How about Clerks 2?
Haven't seen that.
Clerks 3.
Zach and Mary Make a Porno is the only other one I've seen.
Zach, how about Jane and Silent Bob Strike Back?
No.
Jane and Silent Bob Strike Back reboot?
Just pull up the IMDB.
Jane and Silent Bob Groovy Time cartoon movie?
No, what's the one where the-
Jane and Silent Bob do Degrassi?
What's the-
They literally go to Degrassi during Drake's Degrassi generation and they go there and
they talk to the kids and J, and J Muse, he fucking tries to hook up with one of the girls
in the high school.
What's the animated one?
Jane and Silent Bob's Groovy Time movie or whatever?
Is that the superhero one?
Oh, you're thinking of Jane, Chronic and Bluntman.
Yeah.
Bluntman and Chronic.
I've seen that one.
Okay.
That might be the Groovy cartoon movie.
Mallrats is just one of the earliest ones I've seen that Sean, like I said, you have
to fucking watch this.
Yeah, Mallrats is great.
Gave it a B-.
They're making Mallrats Twilight or Twilight of the Mallrats is the one he's working on
as a new one.
Because we're all huge Kevin Smith fan here.
So, I mean, you're just a fair weather fan.
B Plus.
I'm B Plus.
We're both B Plus.
Oh, both B Pluses.
So, this is a B Plus cross-border, except for Chris and us, because they didn't have
that one thing he wanted.
B Plus.
Which would have made a worse movie.
Excellent.
Red State, B Plus.
All right.
Man, I had a couple choices for movies.
Oh, now you're picking this week's movie.
Damn.
Yeah.
Because you were last week.
So, what we're going to do, ladies and gentlemen, is we're going to watch, oh, God, this could
be the worst choice I've ever made.
Because if you guys don't like it.
All right.
Well, we're going to watch After the Dark.
Never heard of it.
No one has.
It's a movie about a classroom.
It's a classroom full of students and a teacher as he is going over different philosophical
quandaries.
And the students, when, but what makes it a visually interesting movie is when he talks
about these quandaries, you see them play out in the movie, but not, you'll see.
But it's like you see them play out.
So I think it's a fun thing to talk about.
We could see how we feel about the different philosophical things that they talk about
in that movie.
So anyway, I made the choice.
It's After the Dark.
I was going to pick it at some point.
Might as well pick it now.
Will it lead to an hour long discussion about Star Wars?
It's going to lead to more porn.
More porn than anything.
Because I've also got one about Indiana Jones.
We haven't.
It's all whip, baby.
All right, cool.
So that's it.
Now let's play the very good music recreational recommendation.
20316.
Great.
So this isn't really a recommendation.
This is just something that happened to me this week.
And Amnesty International has been calling me.
And I dodged the first two calls because I was like, why would they be calling me?
And I thought, I thought I was like, I haven't done anything wrong.
Have I?
Like they sue people, don't they?
What have I done?
What did I say?
Like, oh, shit, I've been freaking out.
So I answer.
The guy's like, hello, Andrew.
And I was like, hello.
He's like, hey, so we're Amnesty International.
We fight for these causes.
And how are you doing?
And I was like, oh, hey.
He's like, oh, so what?
So I was like, am I in trouble?
No.
And I was like, I was like, oh, I thought maybe I was like I did a war crime and I didn't
know about it.
And you guys were trying to find me.
And I and I already I already had mentioned that I had a podcast at that point.
It didn't take me long.
But I was like, my podcast isn't that bad.
So we heard what you said, what you would do to Mac.
Now that aliens, we need to get rid of the real fucking creepos when it comes to alien
stuff to make the aliens feel at home.
Yeah.
And Church of Scientology reaching out for battlefield earth.
Yeah, I wish you get our website Scientology and have John Travolta himself call me.
I'd love to talk to him.
Hey, you guys.
I'm not a priest.
Lightning.
John Travolta meets sloth.
Actually, John Travolta.
Yeah, my pocket.
He's like, tell me more.
Did you get very far?
Hey, Sandy.
Hey, Sandy, we fucked in summer.
Now I don't like you no more, Sandy.
That's John.
John.
I agree with you, everything, everything.
I want to make a sequel to battlefield earth.
Also, if you got a few extra bucks, I mean, I got one for Mac and me.
Bro, we'll get we'll get Rainn Wilson to be in your workplace comedy.
Battle Earth 2.
He'll be like a Dwight S character.
He loves it.
Don't even name it right.
Call it Battle Earth 2.
Battle fucking Earth.
We can avoid all the calls.
We just got to find that one that one company that made Terminators or make those knock
off movies.
Battle Earth 2.
A direct sequel.
It's serious.
All the way through, we get John Travolta and Forrest Whitaker, but just a shittier
costume and makeup and then at the end of the porno, at the end, it's a porno.
They go airtight.
Forrest Whitaker goes so airtight that his other eye bulges out.
There's a new translator thing and it's one of the Mac and me aliens doing a little praying
thing they do.
Actually, I just thought about something mechanically.
That's funny.
I just, in my mind, I was thinking it takes less people to airtight a man because you
could just plug the P-hole, I guess, with your thumb.
You're just plugging two holes, Mike, is what I'm saying.
You get what I'm saying?
There's three when you got to worry about a woman.
There's two holes when you're trying to airtight a man.
Am I wrong?
No comment.
You're definitely wrong, but none of you are with me on this.
I'm typically wrong.
I don't know.
You are definitely wrong.
None of you agree with me.
Anyway, his name, this dude's name, who called me, coolest... I was like, hey, what's your
name, dude?
Because he asked... I was like, hey, you guys want me to donate, right?
He's like, I can't.
I live alone.
I have rent.
It's Arizona.
The electricity is going up.
I can't afford to... The guy's like, okay.
He's like, but it was cool talking with you.
I was like, yeah, man, this is fun conversation.
I got to go to work, whatever.
What's your name?
He goes, oh yeah, Traxler.
I was like, what?
Did you just... I was like... I didn't say that, but I was like, did you just say Traxler?
T-R-A-X-L-E-R.
He's like, yeah.
He was like, defensively, he's like, yeah.
I said, well, that's one of the coolest names I've heard in a long time, dude.
Your parents are fucking creative as hell.
He thanked me, I guess.
I think I made it awkward, now that I think about it, calling them out.
Shout out to Traxler.
Shout out to Amnesty International for not trying to get me on war crimes.
That's my recommendation, I guess, of the week is...
Amnesty International.
I guess Amnesty...
Amnesty International.
Go donate.
Go donate, because I couldn't.
Oh, and then, oh, sorry.
I do have a legit one.
Just go to pokirog.net, or.org.
P-O-K-E, and then R-O-G-U-E.
Rogue, yeah?
And.org.net.
It's the best Pokemon game you haven't played.
It's a rogue-like Pokemon battle sim, and it is not gonna last long.
It's gonna get taken down soon, so just go there on your phone, or on your desktop, or
whatever.
It's worth it.
It's addictive.
I played a level 30-something with Dario last night, and I don't know anything about Pokemon,
so it helps knowing their weakness types, and knowing what you're doing.
All right, that's it.
That's my rec.
My rec is gonna be a book, and it's called The Plague by Albert Camus.
Oh, you read another Albert Camus book.
Yeah, I like the first one.
Is it pessimistic like the other one?
It's a completely different thing.
It's from the story of the narrator, and it's this town in Algeria called Oran, which is
a real place.
Yeah, Oran.
We all sit in the news all the time.
No, Oran, not I-ran.
Okay.
That makes more sense.
Yeah, this guy is a doctor, and a plague hits this city, and this city has walls around
it, like it still does to this day, and they have to seal off the city, and just everything
that this city goes through during this plague is just...
This was written in like 47, so it just reflects everything from 2020, like all at once, but
in older times.
Speaking of Albert Camus, there's an unofficial...
It's a sequel, sort of, but in 2013, a Middle Eastern guy wrote a book that follows the
unnamed Arab's brother from his perspective of the events of-
From the stranger?
The stranger.
Oh, that's cool.
Because in The Stranger, they never name the Arab guy that got shot.
They just call him the Arab guy who got shot.
The plague also is the story that mentions an event from the stranger in literally one
sentence, and that's it.
You see it?
You would have no idea if you didn't read The Stranger.
You'd be like, ah!
And that's it.
I love that.
I love little Easter eggs like that.
So there's a book that's like an unofficial sequel that was written.
That actually is pretty cool.
It is cool.
Actually I might want you to figure out what that book is.
Find a way to get it to me.
I'll try to do my own, but if I can't, I'm going to sort it out to you.
I just found it when I googled Albert.
When I did some deep diving on The Stranger.
It's just in the Wikipedia down at the bottom.
The guy won some prestigious awards for writing it.
It was a pretty prolific book.
Plus, I think he got a lot of hate for it in the Middle Eastern community.
So I think it's critical of maybe the religion a little bit.
So cool.
I like that.
A group of guys standing up for their friend who got beat by a woman beater and their buddy
got shot.
Yeah, dude.
The Arab dudes are absolutely innocent in The Stranger.
They're 100% did nothing wrong.
It's like, oh, you beat my sister half to death and now I want to beat you up for it.
And then your friend shot my brother.
Like fuck, dude.
And then yeah, it's fucked.
Anyway, this is not Wednesday Night Book Club.
Watch Wednesday Night Book Club.
It's actually really good.
Yeah, go listen to our episode on The Stranger by Albert.
My week's been pretty uneventful.
I was just wife spent out of town.
So put up a pool, did all that fun work around the house stuff.
And then with wife out of town, I've been watching the shows or stuff we usually watch
or anything good.
I'm like, well, I can't watch anything good.
So I just went on Netflix and start screwing around.
Right.
I found this show.
It might be the worst thing I ever sat through, but I watched like six hours of it.
And it's called Everybody's in LA and it's a lie.
It was John Mulaney's show.
John Mulaney's show.
Oh my God.
It's a train wreck.
It's the biggest train wreck.
It makes this podcast look like the most professionally done thing you've ever seen.
Every time you complain about some little noise on the microphone or whatever, I just
laugh because John Mulaney's getting millions of dollars and you should go just watch one
episode of this just to see how bad it is.
It's not poorly done.
It's literally like we just took a camera and put over there and just recorded.
It is so bad.
But it's funny.
It ends up being funny because it's so bad and because of how we wreck, they try and
take phone calls and fuck that up.
They just fuck up shit constantly.
It's all done completely live.
So it's John Mulaney.
So he's quick and he's fun.
Yeah.
He's quick on his feet when stuff happens, but kind of deadpan.
Yeah, which is great.
So I watched six hours of that.
Just watching train wreck after train wreck after train wreck.
Is our podcast better?
Oh, our podcast is way more professional.
It's a different way and funnier probably.
It was just interviewing a few stars and a few random, really random people.
It was just, it's worth like when nothing else is going on in the background, it's a
funny, weird thing.
It's worth watching.
And then for that reason.
It's called something in LA?
It's called everybody's in LA.
Everybody's in LA.
And it's just a train wreck.
It's fun, if that makes sense.
Actually, I saw an old version of that.
It was the whitest kids you know.
Trevor Moore had a show like that where he's like sitting behind a desk and there's all
this shit going on.
They have a guy hooked up to a lie detector test.
They have a thing.
It's like, all right, we have a problem we have to solve.
And it is, and he draws the card, racism.
But first let's watch Timmy eat hot dogs.
And then they just ask him stupid questions.
It's very much like that.
It's speaking of the whitest kids you know, they actually have on Tubi, just the civil
war on drugs.
Oh, it's like, I think it's like a 45 minute like thing.
Yeah.
Well, it's like 10 minutes at the end of every episode.
There's like eight episodes.
Yeah.
It's all cut together.
I haven't watched it yet.
That's awesome.
Like, yeah, but it's great.
Yeah.
When you were talking about that last week, it definitely made me think about it a couple
weeks ago.
You can either watch that.
Or the whole show.
Or just watch that whole season.
Because yeah, it wasn't their best season.
Like the earlier stuff, they were way more blue, way more fucked up.
I still love the the business, business man sniper sketch where he's like in the office
and like the guy is like, get down, get down, sniper, sniper across the other building.
Hey, gentlemen, this, I don't know what kind of tangent bullshit you guys are on right
now.
Where you think that you could just derail the conversation.
He made his wreck.
That's your wreck.
No, my wrecks actually tires on Netflix.
Oh, fuck yeah.
I watched that too.
I watched that all in one night.
The same.
It's very short.
There's what, six episodes?
30 minutes?
So funny.
Doesn't try to be more than what it is.
It's a silly.
And he's not even the main, main guy.
He's one of the main guys.
But it almost feels like the office has like an office vibe to it.
Except for there's not like a camp.
It's not obvious camera crew, but it just kind of got that kind of workplace comedy.
It's like the office for bros.
Workaholics.
Workaholics would be a better comparison.
Workaholics is a good comparison.
Okay, that's hilarious.
Yeah.
So we got some good recommendations out there for you guys.
We got an interesting movie that we're all going to have to watch next week.
We're also well past the two hour mark.
So I think we might want to wrap this up.
Cut out every time we said airtight.
That should shave off about 20 minutes.
I think it's the 45 minutes of Star Wars.
Yeah, as I said, we need to go on another Star Wars test.
Maybe clip out the Star Wars, put that on the Patreon.
Oh, God.
Episode's going to be 30 minutes long.
And then it's going to start.
We're just talking about porn.
And they're like, why are they just randomly-
Why do they keep referencing Star Wars and going airtight?
Going airtight.
Are they talking about like the airlock on the Star Wars ships?
No, because explicitly at one point of them, at one point he says, well, yeah, with a dude
it only takes two guys to fill them up.
And just when they just when they figure it out and they're like, oh, well now they just
called Tim McVeigh a hero.
He did not just say.
Yeah.
Well, this was this was fun.
I hope Kevin Smith listens to this.
I hope Jason Muse listens to this.
He's like, I listen to all of Kevin Smith's.
We probably sound exactly like Jason Muse anyway.
Yeah.
Sponsored by.
Face off.
We face off.
This has been with me as always.
We have.
Take another hit.
Yeah, what's it?
It's it's Michael.
Well, it'll be like a fun.
Oh, you know what, Michael?
Michael, the three of us are going to airtight him to death later.
Well, he's because Chalios.
Chalios motherfucker.
Yeah, you're telling me I want to breathe.
We have Brennan.
I don't know.
That might have been the best one with the coffin.
It's more accurate with you.
Yeah.
And then what is it always?
It's Austin.
He prayed three hours to be here today.
So it's a little bit of a load on the on the wings of an angel.
Farrell.
Peace.
And I've been your host, Andy Rice.
This has been fried rice podcast.
We've been fried.
We've been rice.
We've been podcast.
Have a good night, everybody.