Music
You can hear it pretty good in the headphones.
And welcome to an exciting back from the dead episode of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host Andy Rice.
Let's get fried.
With me, as always is, we successfully killed him.
We did it.
We killed him.
I gave him like 10 cheeseburgers one day.
The heart attack part two killed him.
Yet, he made a deal with the devil and for some reason he's back and he decided that with his,
with all of his vengeance he would come here back on the podcast and make everyone's life miserable.
It's Michael Larson.
It's still Cellios, motherfucker.
It's not Cellios because we killed motherfuckers.
I hate you so much.
With us, as always, is Brennan.
Music
Shipley up to Boston with us.
Oh, yeah, say.
We're used to you not having a mic.
Yeah.
I'm used to knowing me able to hear you so I just moved on.
I'm not really here.
Yeah.
Say hi.
Tell everyone hello.
Hi.
Okay.
There's the signature Brennen cough.
And with us, as always, is Austin rode his giant CGI red cape three hours to be here today,
Farrell.
Check me out on Ask Jeeves.
Ask Jeeves, who is Austin Farrell?
And avoid all the porn sites.
So, hey, it's a beautiful Saturday and we got to talk about Spawn.
1997 Spawn.
We're doing things a little bit differently this podcast, ladies and gentlemen.
We're going to be doing our movie review at the top of the episode.
So that way, if there's people out there that specifically click this to listen to a movie review,
they'll get that and not have to listen to us bullshit until after.
So I feel like we've said this before.
We've said it so many times.
We've changed the format of the show so many fucking times.
We're weekly.
We're recording this right now.
And if you go back to episodes, I'm talking about how this is on video and blah, blah, blah.
They're not even released.
You have to go to Patreon to see these fucking videos because we're that pathetic right now as an organization.
But we will get better.
So first, we'll actually do what we're going to do at the very top is what are we smoking?
Cue music.
I'm going to put music there.
Supposedly.
Brennan, what are we smoking?
This is what you brought last week.
But tell the audience again what it is.
Interesting looking bag.
Yeah, I like it.
It's called Snowballs.
It's basically weed rolled in THCA.
So it's more potent and does the job.
It doesn't really say how much THC.
Thirty six percent.
You said THCA?
Yeah.
Is it like Jose and Hoseby?
Is there THCB?
It's like a...
What is CBD?
It's like a white powdery form of THC.
CBDA?
Gives it a weird taste a little bit.
Almost like...
God, like food.
Oh, it's got a little...
A cartoon scientist guy made this.
Oh, okay.
Like the...
How Jurassic Park was made?
Looks like it.
And there's a little grasshopper.
Like that little...
This is how Adam...
This is how we found the mosquito and the nambor and we put the genes together.
That guy?
Yeah, speaking of bugs though, there's a little Asian culture appropriating grasshopper with
the little triangle hat thing.
It's made from grasshoppers.
Yeah, you're right.
It's...
Literally the cartoon scientist's name is The Scientist.
And then the grasshopper is just grasshoppers.
Because, you know, weed makes you more...
Creative.
Well, sure, but it doesn't make me culturally appropriate, necessarily.
I don't smoke a bowl and then go, you know what, I'm going to put on my Chinese straw hat
and then name a whole weed company after it.
That means they commissioned an artist to draw that.
I need a grasshopper and an Asian straw hat.
Yeah, it's...
What else?
Generic scientist.
It's a cool design though.
I mean, I like it and I hope an Asian dude owns that company at least.
Or a grasshopper.
Or a scientist.
You don't know if grasshopper... actually, is it cultural appropriation if an animal wears the cultural appropriating outfit?
That brings up a big debate if animals can be racist.
Well, if Pixar has anything to do with it.
Well, I would say that if you...
Okay.
If you took like a...
What's a distinctly American animal?
Something that is only found in America.
Like, pretty much only found in America.
I'm sure that animals get all over the place.
But like, okay, the American bald eagle.
Right?
That's the most standard American...
Okay, so if you took an American bald eagle and put him in a sombrero and poncho and had him, I don't know, doing something...
I think Hanna-Barbera did that.
Okay, sure. Hanna-Barbera. Yeah, I mean, back in the day Looney Tunes, they were pretty racist.
Well, oh yeah.
But I mean, like, is it...
Well, American culture is pretty much a mix of every other culture of people that came to America.
That's true. So is cultural appropriation even...
A thing for America?
Even real.
Because I've seen a YouTube video where this guy, he dresses up in cultural dress.
Like, full-blown Japanese kimono, full-blown...
And people love it.
And he goes and he asks people in like, little Chinatown or little Mexico or whatever, like, and he goes, hey, yeah, what do you think?
And they look at him and they go, yeah, this is great. You look awesome.
Thanks for celebrating our culture.
Yeah, this is exactly what we like.
I think it crosses the line though, like, when you put on blackface, you know, like, I think that's Mike.
He's not even going to respond.
No, I'm not.
But...
I'm trying to get you killed in other ways.
Now I'm trying to get it entirely...
But that's all we do. I mean, you're culturally appropriating cowboys right now. You're wearing jeans.
I mean, that's...
Cowboys not a race.
Cowboys not a race and...
It's a culture.
But, well, it is a culture, but it's more an occupation.
Like, I'm appropriating... that's like dressing up as a doctor for Halloween.
I think you're allowed to, for sure, dress up as a doctor.
So there's no Western culture.
Well, wait, I'm not saying that, but...
Culture and race aren't the same, is what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is that culture, like cowboys, or Indians, is a culture.
Well, Native Americans.
Well, no, Native Americans are a person. Indians is a culture.
Wait, no, hold on.
I think I'm going to have to put a red flag on the plate for that one.
I don't think we use the term Indians anymore.
My friend Bobby would disagree.
Who's your friend Bobby?
Bobby. B-A-V-H-I, I think it's Bobby.
Okay, he's Native American?
He goes by Bobby. No, he's not Native American. I said Indian.
From India?
Yes, from India.
Why didn't you specify that? You said cowboys and Indians.
Because that is the specification for Indians.
But nobody ever says cowboy and Indians, meaning India Indians.
No, man.
He did not say cowboys and Indians.
He said cowboys is a culture. India is a culture.
He would have said Indian.
Yeah, that's true.
I'm going to later on replay this tape, and I'm going to clip when you said
cowboys are a culture, Indians are a culture, and when you say cowboys and Indians, Michael,
there's no one on the planet Earth, even people living in India,
would hear you say cowboys is a culture, Indians is a culture,
and they'd be like, yeah, he's definitely referring to Native Americans right now,
not us Indians, because nobody says cowboy before Indians unless they mean Native Americans.
I'm not wrong. Am I wrong?
No.
No, I'm not wrong. Back me up.
I can't let this stand, Mike.
Tell me where the period is in those two sentences, and then I'll let it stand.
No, it would be like, I'm trying to think of an equivalent, would be like...
Using proper English.
No, for sure.
Can we go back to the cartoons, the super racist cartoons?
Do you ever see those on YouTube now, and they put a warning, a disclaimer,
it was like, it wasn't okay then, and it's not okay now, and it's a different time, blah, blah, blah.
And those are like super old cartoons, so that makes sense that they would put that there.
They just put it on something from my childhood, and I saw it on YouTube.
It was a stream of one of my favorite shows.
You probably heard of the sketch comedy group, White-as-Kids-you-know.
There was a stream, there's like a live stream on YouTube, and I was like, oh, fuck yeah, I remember that show.
And I go and click, before every episode, it puts a disclaimer on that.
But they were pushing boundaries even in that show at the time.
So I can imagine with today's culture of everything's a little bit...
I thought they had a disclaimer on before when they had the show.
Oh, not really.
Almost like how South Park's disclaimer or Jazz-as-a-type...
Now they put it on there, but then they were just really blue.
That's what their whole thing was, the bluest sketch comedy.
Sure. I know that Key and Peele, they've definitely crossed some lines.
I feel like Dave Chappelle definitely crossed some lines when it comes to sketch comedy.
Okay, we keep talking about the lines, and I'm telling you guys that this is so much from you guys being on whichever one, it doesn't matter,
TikTok or any of those programs have you guys all programmed.
Because one of the best shows on television, and we'll all think, agree right now,
and it's like a number one show in its time slot all the time, is what?
I don't know. There's so many things on TV right now.
It's always sunny in Philadelphia.
The most culturally appropriate, gross-out humor, bullshit show that exists.
And has existed for too long.
I'm saying it's great.
But I'm saying everybody that thinks everything is all politically correct is full of shit.
They're watching too much crap on the internet.
Real life is closer to it's sunny in Philadelphia.
Yeah, he has a point there, yeah.
But whatever network is deciding to play White as Kids You Know now, I can't fault them for putting a disclaimer at the bottom if that's what they want to do.
Is IFC still a thing anymore?
I don't know.
Check me out on IFC.
But if...
The show's on Tubi, White as Kids You Know.
Oh, hell yeah.
I don't know, man.
Mike, you finish Entourage yet?
Because we got another thing for you to watch.
Look, I'm obviously not against cancel culture.
Or not for cancel culture, sorry.
I'm not against canceling anybody.
I feel like even the guy that played Kramer on Seinfeld after a long enough time,
it's just if Mel Gibson was allowed to make the Beaver after going on his drunk tirade, then we as a culture accept these things.
It's like we accept celebrities being scumbags because we enjoy the entertainment they provide.
So if we give Mel Gibson a pass, then there is absolutely no one other than Harvey Weinstein or Bill Cosby, actual rapists who should be canceled.
Like Roseanne texting a few racist things in the middle of the night.
Whatever.
If Mel Gibson is allowed to make movies after fucking the shit that he said on that fucking drunk pullover, then Roseanne should get a pass, right?
I agree.
Why are we not doing that, though?
That's my point.
No, no, but we are.
Because she's on Kill Tony.
She's on other things.
It's just the problem is that there's such a divide that now there's the conservative side that hosts canceled comedians and then the left who rejects them.
But the problem is that the comedians that stay too far on the left, they won't push the boundaries to have good content.
And the people on the right feel like their audience just wants the fucking anti whatever stuff.
They want to be fed their conservative kind of rhetoric.
So they are too fucking too vulgar, too obscene, too past the line where it's not funny.
Where it's like when Roseanne says, my pronouns are I identify as get a job.
That's not a funny joke.
It's not good at all.
If I was at the show, I'd be like, oh, God, a pronoun joke.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Twenty twenty three.
Get it like who did Jerry Seinfeld write you that joke in the fucking 90s?
Like, get up like who cares?
You have that one guy.
What's his face?
Oh, Jesus, he does the bird shit.
Oh, God, I can't remember his name.
He's not he's not important anymore.
But anyway, he yeah, but then on the left you have it just it's too soft, sir.
And on the right, too, just too too hardcore.
Yeah, I get it to target.
But the bottom line is for both sides is they can say that thing you don't like and they have a right to say it.
And you have a right to not like it.
Yeah.
I'm wrong for both sides.
Yeah.
Not just Dave Chappelle, whoever the opposite of him would be every second of every day.
Someone is saying something that you don't like someone.
No, there's millions of people saying something that you don't like.
Probably a you know, like it doesn't like there's hundreds of millions of people doing stuff that you don't like.
And if you go to like the whole Middle East and the way that they treat women, I hate that.
And but am I going to sit there and, you know, be pissed off every fucking day about it?
I don't know. Maybe that should.
That's what activism is.
And that's how the shit gets done.
But I don't know.
I'd rather do a podcast about movies, about Spahn, where I say don't talk about politics than do the first fucking 15 minutes all about fucking politics in the beginning of a Spahn episode.
What the fuck is going on? Stop it.
He started it.
Stop. Somebody stop me.
Let's talk about the mask.
Jim Carrey.
All right, everybody. It doesn't matter.
I'm not. Look, I'm so in the middle when it comes to politics.
There's so many things on each side that I can I can take or hate in an instant because no one has it figured out.
We don't have a third party that just is the perfect one.
And so middle party. Yeah.
The middle party. We don't have it.
So everyone is just it's this culture war and you're just it's an identity politic.
I just I fucking hate it.
You know, this is why we don't talk about politics on the show.
But maybe we might start doing fried rice news.
And then the problem is that I, you know, if I say anything that's anti conservative and people follow me home and kill me or if I say anything that's anti fucking anti woke and then my friends that fucking California hate your response to that could just be we're high as fuck.
We don't even know what we're saying.
Exactly. But that's why I want to do that really is why I want to do that news podcast is because we can come from the middle where nobody comes from.
Yeah.
Well, people try but it always ends up blowing up in their face like, you know what?
We're doing it again. You got to start your sources on that too.
Yeah.
So we're smoking snowballs.
That's a fun segue.
And then I also got I've been packing the what do we got here?
Hawaiian nights and I put some moon rocks on top from eight brother 72 percent fucking moon rocks I put on top of there.
It's going to be gnarly.
We don't talk enough about weed on the show.
Now, who of us gets baked the entire time they watch the movie of the week because I'm high the entire time I'm always just packing balls or hitting my pen or fucking doing dabs for like the whole hour and a half just to
do what I do is I take an edible about 20 minutes before like when I started getting my popcorn and all this stuff ready to sit down and watch the movie. I take an edible then and it hits about 30 minutes into the movie most of the time.
Okay.
You have kids. Well, I always end up watching the movie after I get home from work.
So like I end up going outside, I eat 30 milligrams of an edible. Go outside, smoke a couple bowls kind of give it some time to kick in and then by the time it's kicking in I'm inside started.
My first act. I'm after the sober sober as a gopher.
It is also why you fall asleep in the last 30 minutes of every movie.
Yeah, yeah, I do. I fall asleep.
Typically I watch it the night before, like I watch it last night, and I fall asleep for the last 20 minutes, and I finished that up today, like the day up, and then it's all fresh in my head, which is great because some of the times I stopped taking notes towards the end because I'm either enthralled with what's going on in the
actual movie, or too had a right.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if I'm ever too high to do anything.
I thought about that the other day I was like when's the last time I was too high to do something.
And I don't think it's, it's been years I think it's been it's that time I mistook a black, a paroba black bar which is 1000 milligrams with 100 milligram brownie, and I ate the whole thing, or at least half of it.
And that fucked me. I mean I was gone. And then I turned to my friend I was like, I'm too high to believe right now. That's my problem with the chocolate and a rova black bar. Yeah, Kurova black like a reference to eat the clockwork orange.
Oh no, that's not a rova milk bar. Oh shit, I wonder if that's why they called it Kurova. I think, I think that the.
And you're currently reading fuck we're going to turn it on. I have it I'm still reading Sam talents running the light. Got it. So I'll get to the stranger if I can.
Oh, spoilers for me this episode comes out I think a couple days after that one.
Sure, yeah, we're going to be doing the book club, the stranger by Albert Hamas, I think his name is recommended by Sean it's gonna be multiple people at the book club for the first time, or, yeah, for the first time.
That's exciting. Well, everybody, like I said, you just have to wait 20 minutes for us to talk about the movie.
Movie at the top movie at the top. Hey, top ish 20 minutes isn't too bad as far as we go, we usually get like 45 minutes or an hour and yeah oh yeah we're supposed to review a movie guys.
All right, spawn 1997. It sort of the movie that sort of killed the spawn franchise for a little bit. It was the both the height and low point of spawn. So I think afterwards the comics took a dip in sales, but they.
And I don't know if it's ever recovered to the point where it was ever at like you know spawn one, I think sold 1.7 million copies, which is like, was it at the time a record for an independent comic, and if it was it wasn't independent, because he did.
He started image comics with spawn, like he is the president of image comics is Todd McFarland. And. All right, so starring. What's his name, Michael.
I wasn't prepared for this guy. Yeah, he was at Marvel before he started and then he let him and a bunch of others left Marvel to start image to get a little more hardcore with her artwork.
There we go. All right, so, Michael, Jay white.
I'm not saying his name right but he's in a bunch of things and I just I've never known how to say that second part I know Michael white call that, but it's that he puts the giant there for Jay, specifically, john ligasamo as violator.
Definitely a perfect casting choice in my mind. Martin Sheen randomly. Well randomly and, and I'm not sure he read the script before he did it.
I don't know well he he's playing younger than he was maybe at the time, but he's supposed to be playing, you know, looks like 40s but he looks like he's in his 50s playing, you know, talking about like it like dyed hair and.
I don't know.
And then others.
Doesn't really matter. Those are the those are the three important ones.
All right, so, I mean, it starts off with with the worst. See so much fire, so much fire so much fire so pro bad guy. My first notice these might be the worst fire effects I've ever seen.
Yeah, I think they were made using my old 286 Dell computer and MS paint fire and 90s techno, just for like five minutes straight, it's what blade blade saw that and said here, hold my fucking thing that you throw around the room and kills everybody
in one throw. Well, I, while I do a better. They did like this was a shitty fucking opening so that like the the opening of blades techno opening could could soar you know what I mean like the good run.
Like this was bad. This was a really bad shitty fucking opening everything explodes. It's just fire and names so many names that only three of them really mattered this whole movie.
Yeah, it's a lot that's a long opening credit sequence I'm going to, I did and then a few exposition he sort of lips, a little bit here and there I don't know I'm not a.
Okay.
Then it opens with, we meet Al Simmons and Al Simmons is an assassin, and he blows up a shitload of innocent people now before we find out as an audience member that there were innocent people I wrote down blows up terrorist, and probably an instant pilot
stewardess the ground crew Jesus he killed him. And then, and then when he leaves he blows up a flight control tower.
Did you notice when he was in there, that is just corpses that he was doing all this just surrounded by the corpses of these innocent flight attendant group, he deserves to go to help.
There's no
spawn deserves everything that's coming his way. I'm not like I think this is an appropriate movie spawns a dick. Al Simmons should go to hell I gotta point out that when that those four missiles are flying at that plane one of that that Saudi
security guards like grabs him and like pulls out his gun like he's going to do something, bro, that if he had survived. Okay, imagine he shot four of them out of like three out of the four.
And he's like I got this. So yeah, and then it's obviously going to take taxpayer dollars to fix a fucking flight control tower, like that's insane that he the amount of damage he did to that country.
I don't know.
The opening narration of what's his name.
Anyone catch that guy's name.
I did not catch his name and it does not matter. No, it does. His name is a coglou coglou astro, who is a character in the comics coglou astro.
He, his opening narration is like him. I killed for good.
Who, who, what good was done by him killing all of those flight control tower people. Al Simmons deserves to go to hell 26 innocent civilians is the end up count that he finds out later.
And then it cuts to Martin Martin Sheen, who has a literal nuclear bomb going off poster like a motivational poster that says, like dreams happen, and it's just a new going I don't know if it says dreams happen but it looks like a Barney Stinson sort of motivational poster but it's a new.
And then we meet his, we meet priest, the chick. And this is where I have an issue, because she is being way too flirty.
Her dress is not appropriate for government workplace.
She is like dangerous she keeps a gun up her skirt. That's not regulation. Like, how did she get into the building, they like a six, whatever this fucking government organization is, is so unregulated that I have an issue with it as a whole.
And I don't know why the taxpayers are funding it and so this is some sort of parallel universe where we needed an a six sort of organization to deal with what do we ever find out like what they do, other than blow up innocent people and kill dictators from
around the world and shit. Well that is what they do there it's supposed to be an arm of the CIA, sure but they have their own building. He has an office like if you're doing you don't you don't need a parallel universe to say the government does that.
That's just our world Andy, and a parallel universe that slut works there but I mean yeah.
Not an I just did she not have a thing with Martin Sheen's character or did she just have like a diva moment but I'm not kissing Martin Sheen.
All right, you guys are just friends then.
She's one of, she, you know what, and I would hate to characterize any woman like this, but I think she's dressing that way on purpose, because she wants Martin Sheen to hit on her so that she can get out of this dangerous fucking job and collect a sexual harassment
case instead from a six now.
What I would argue though is that this isn't the kind of company you'd want to fuck with so like the moment she starts saying sexual harassment, I think that they would send an even sluttier chick with even more strategically placed weapons to go kill this bitch.
And so, I don't know so.
But the whole movie did that I think that's a Todd Mcparland thing because even her costume was set up the same way.
The sexual like that. They had the band where her breasts were that was oh no yeah yeah yeah yeah the whole her costume was set up the same way. Trust me and in that moment where you see her in that ridiculous sparkle costume of her dazzled armor her be
the assassin gear. She looks at spawn and says you look, you look ridiculous in that costume. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me. Are you fucking kidding me. Inappropriate. He kills 26 people and then he goes home to his, his wife.
And his best friend, who are both leaving for work. And he get he comes out meets his partner says goodbye to his dog, and then just leaves his dog outside, and then drives off everyone, no one's home the dogs just outside out front.
And that's the first of so many. What the fuck is happening with that dog moments in this movie that we're going to get to. But my point of that whole opening is when she comes out leaves her work has a really flirty interaction with his best friend, like she has more chemistry
with him right off the bat than she does without Simmons, the way that they just like. She says get my husband home by five. They're literally going to North Korea to assassinate people, North Korea, unless they are living in the American suburb of South Korea.
I don't think he's getting home by five, unless she meant, get him home by five, three days from now, because he's going to North Korea. I don't think he's getting home by five for dinner. You're an idiot Wanda just a little exposition there though.
What was exposition just there. They're setting up for later.
The flirtiness. Yeah, well, sure. I get that but they're, they did have some fucking chemistry.
Marilyn Manson started playing at one point. Yep. This movie was made in 1997 and wanted to be cool.
So then spawn gets spawned right he gets burnt to death. Yeah, the lady priest is on an attachment on her gun that shoots fuel onto him like yeah, that's a little excessive attachment for your, your rifle that breaks war crimes, that's like a war crime that's like
the Geneva Convention for sure says you can't put a super stoker attachment at the end of your machine gun that sprays napalm on people.
That's, that's illegal as fuck.
And, and the Geneva Convention convention probably has a law about attire that you're allowed to work on the battlefield.
I want to know, I want to know in the nuclear plant in North Korea, while the signs were in English, because this is still part of that American suburb of North Korea that he lived in.
Or why I now I, I'm going to actually move on from that point in my head was that I don't have to have two things wasn't that their plan is just in North Korea.
Oh, well, yeah, that doesn't make any fucking sense. Yeah, and then why did they kill him again. Oh, it's because he slightly questioned orders.
Lately, no no is violator was in his office saying like they need their best guy to die so they can use him to lead hell's army.
It was a setup from that's what's supposed to be a later yeah got it. Okay. I mean, Al Simmons still deserves to go to hell he killed 26 innocent people right at the start of this movie but okay.
So he gets burnt.
He goes to hell. He loses his penis.
Did you all notice that when it cut to a full body of his burnt entire that skin suit that he was wearing. No dick. I just kept thinking of those Deadpool jokes is like like an avocado fucked an older nastier avocado like all those things.
Yeah, no but if you look at it, they can dull them. Like it's just like you can tell he's wearing some sort of suit of burnt flesh because his was Dix gone.
That's what I wrote looks like Deadpool. Black Deadpool crossover with toxic Avenger. Nice black pool.
You guys are picking up on the fact that they took away his dick. Are we not are we not.
That's when I wrote that I don't like dick damage. We don't like seeing that.
When he comes back. He's homeless spawn for a little bit. Why is he limping. He didn't break any bones he was burnt to death for one, and he was standing perfectly fine in hell.
And when he came up, the only sure he's exhausted. Sure, he just got back from hell. Sure, all this stuff.
But he's not injured in a way that he would be limping around for as long as because he's like,
He can barely move. Wasn't he growing his armor. Like, isn't that what the violator told him.
Yeah, he was a growing boy. Sure, he's going through. Nerve damage would be the other reason. The literal real reason would be nerve damage.
That CGI of that that devil or Satan whoever. I think that's Satan. The dog. Holy shit.
What like they just were like, fuck, we forgot to animate the devil and we spent all the budget on everything else looks kind of OK.
Except the words the mouth didn't match. Yeah, it is. His mouth is just a cape and he's supposed to be talking.
And then also he said, if you fail me, you will die. I'm like, he's dead. He's in hell. He died already. Yeah.
What's this? There's some hell. That was really bad graphics. Decent hair effects on him.
I tell that he had a scraggly red beard and some like it was weird that they put so much detail on the hair on Malboja than anything else.
Forgot how to talk or having a mouth move. Yeah, that was bad.
So anyway, he was limping around, which I don't I don't understand.
But then they do two holy cross transitions to a row. It's just a fucking cross that goes out and then it does another up to a roof crossing.
I'm like, I hope there's more. I didn't see any. But they did do a few cape transitions that I'm a fan of.
Oh, yeah, it makes sense that she ended up with the guy that she was flirting with in the beginning.
That made sense. Oh, when he's in hell, where did his dick go?
I did write that down. Also, I do like the spawn costumes, the spawn costume.
I like the when it when he grows it for the first time. It's gross.
It was visceral. Looked awesome. The final product looks cool.
Wish the cape was, you know, done a few years later because it does look like a bit too shiny.
They could have done a darker color with it. It could have blended in with it.
If you're doing all night shots anyway, you want the CGI to blend more maroon than red.
Yeah, you go a little bit darker. Then it's like, you know, I don't know.
But I did like it. I like the costume.
Todd talked about that, Todd McFarland, and the reason it's so red is it's supposed to evoke blood.
Well, sure. But if you're doing a movie, tone it down a few shades to blend in with the night sky so that it just looks better.
Do you think he was trying to make the movie make sense or sell toys?
I think he would hope that the movie made sense because he was already selling toys.
Anyway, did John. Oh, you think John Lucas almost really ate maggots?
Yes, he did. Well, he ate mealworms.
I was wondering that, too, if those were real, like, because he turns away trivia.
He turned away immediately after taking the bite.
It just I love the. You hate anchovies.
Yeah, that's great. But he saves this whole movie.
It's the best part of this movie. He's annoying.
But like in the way that is appropriate for this movie, he's great.
Some of the jokes still kind of hold up to you.
Just kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he's the only thing. Yeah, he's the only thing in this movie that was good.
OK, so then she pops up.
We think I just put he's we go to a six to we find out that's what it's called. And then she pops up in a full dominatrix outfit with dazzled dominatrix outfit.
Martin Sheen has a little a little tiny micro DVD.
He had time to get a label maker and type in special ops and put it on that disk instead of just writing on it with a Sharpie.
I think it even had the lines where you could just write shit on it.
He may took time with a label maker, his a six label maker probably has an attachment to spray napalm on people as well.
That's what priest. It's like this. Yeah, that's great.
But that's what priest does most of the time.
Ninety five percent of the time, priest is just labeling CDs.
She's just doing menial fucking work. She's getting him coffee and stuff.
She dresses like a like she dresses as provocative as fuck so that she gets his attention.
And then every now and then he's like, hey, we need to go kill some dude.
She's like, I got just the gun.
I put, oh, awesome cape. I can't wait to see what he fights with it.
Oh, there's some dudes. And then he just jumps down. It cuts to him dragging dudes inside.
I'm like, great. Is this the kind of move he literally it's like just escape.
We see two goons. He starts to jump down and then it cuts to him dragging.
I'm like, great. That's what we all wanted in the spawn movie was cutaways to him doing cool shit that's off off screen.
That whole ballroom scene, I'm pretty convinced I only noticed this because I was just there.
But when I was in California, I went to the L.A. Museum of Natural History and there's a big room just like that.
Same statue, same pillars, same ceiling like I had to go back and look at my pictures.
I was just there where they filmed that in which ballroom scene, the one where he crashes through the ceiling and kills priests.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Martin Sheen, that whole I was just in that room, that whole that the whole thing.
Yeah. And I couldn't find any like definitive evidence of it.
But it says it was shot a little bit in New York, but mostly in L.A.
So I'm like, all right, well, then sounds like evidence to me. Where was that at?
The ballroom scene, Museum of Natural History in L.A.
It's like this main room that like connects all the different corridors together.
That's pretty cool. I take back what I said about it makes sense that she got with his best friend because now he's a little fucking bitch.
I don't know why he put that. I don't know why I wrote he's a little bitch.
I think he did some little bitchy move and I was in the ballroom scene.
Yeah, the ballroom. And I was like, there's no way Wanda went from fucking Al Simmons to this scrawny little fucking dude who doesn't have a backbone.
I put to that dweeb. Red Cape transition.
We did not know how to do comic book movies back in the day.
Did you see did you see spawn front flip off of that balcony just shooting his SMG's just just just in the air wherever it didn't matter.
All just damaging the building like not giving a fuck. Yeah.
Oh, then he gets then he goes face to face with Jason. Right.
Martin Sheen's character. You sent me to hell, Jason. I'm here to return the favor and then proceeds to throw him across the room.
So, so this is this is a point I wanted to make.
In the movie, when he throws him across the room, it doesn't do any damage. Martin Sheen gets up. He does. I guess he's thrown another time even after that.
Two things. One, if I'm somebody who wants to kill somebody and that actually want to kill them, I'm not throwing them away from me lightly so that they can get up and we do this whole song and dance again.
No, you're giving him a piece of cake or yeah or cheeseburgers in Mike's case.
No, what I do, what I would do is just take my awesome spawn strength and snap his neck immediately.
And then just there we go. Release the virus. I didn't know that it existed. It's not my fault. I'm going to hell anyway. Who cares?
But more importantly, I would say that if spawn were to physically throw me seven or eight feet across the room and I landed into some chairs and a table, I would be fucked.
I would be broken bones. I would be bruised. Just the other day at work, I slipped and sort of fell into the wall and I still kind of have a sore arm from that.
And like it's unpleasant. If spawn threw me ten feet into some fucking chairs and a table, I would be fucked for the rest of the day.
I'd be like, just fucking kill me, spawn. You already broke my arm probably. My leg doesn't feel too good. I might have a concussion. You fucking asshole. Just kill me.
It's every action movie though. But that's what I'm saying. If there's, I wrote down, if there's a, if there's, if it requires wire work to show the extent of someone being thrown across a room,
that would most likely kill my ass. I think in almost any situation. At one point he throws, he throws somebody into some cardboard box.
He throws that, I'll get to it, but he throws that homeless kid's dad across an alleyway, 20 feet into a bunch of cardboard boxes of God knows what.
Like that would fucking kill that dude. But anyway, I just, that would, it's not nice. She says nice costume while wearing that.
Oh, the dick protector's awesome. The little skull coming out and stopping her from kicking him in the dick. That was great. You don't have, okay.
You don't have the guts is what she says to him. He then kills her. And then his next line is, you're right, I don't.
What the fuck does that mean? He did have the guts to kill her. He just did it. Or is he talking about inside his dead husk of a spawn, there's no guts.
That's I think what they were going for, but it wasn't clear. He was going with the why didn't the skeleton cross the road.
He didn't have the guts approach to his fucking death punch line. Yes, it was supposed to be a joke. God, I bet you she's dying and she's like,
that doesn't make sense. You did it. You killed me. What? Oh no, that's lame. Oh, like that's just so stupid.
He gets shot in the back and like thrown into that kitchen. Then he realizes that he heals. And then he's like something like, hell yeah.
Like, you know, it's so cringy to think that people saw that in theaters if they made it that far.
They were just like they saw that and like, oh, fuck yeah, dude. Yeah, there was another line. That's like the Spider-Man. This is something else like.
Okay, so it's like the kid goes, hey, mister, you don't look so good. Yeah, it's those kind of lines in this whole movie.
All right. So technically, although Priest has questionable morals and we don't know what she's done,
we haven't seen her do anything in this movie other than dress provocatively and try to kill a fucking hell spawn monster.
Now, from the A6 point of view, from everybody in that ballroom's point of view, from the world at holes point of view,
spawn is a fucking hell spawn monster who broke into a fucking ballroom and tried to kill a government agent.
Okay, we don't know what's going on. Like, if I'm there as an innocent person, I'm like, please, for the love of God, kill this monster with the fucking spikes coming out of his body and shit.
He's trying to hurt people. It's a demon. It's a demon. Right. So she doing her job, priest, she I don't think she deserved to die.
I don't think she's a bad guy in this. I think she's a good government agent. I think spawn killed another quote unquote innocent person.
I think he killed and then he kills a shitload of A6 agents who are just doing their job.
Government employees, US agents of the fucking government. This is Al Simmons is a fucking monster.
Everything he's done in this movie so far, nothing is nothing he's done has been good when he assaults that.
Okay. I was like, she didn't I don't think she deserved to die. Oh, and then, yeah.
How many how many innocent humans are you going to kill you monsters when I wrote in my notes?
Oh, yeah. And then spawn climbing that building to get away better than the mission of possible four or five or six when he's doing the Dubai climb. Am I right?
It's pretty good. And then he goes invisible for about 30 seconds and then uninvisibles himself so we can get more chasing.
That was stupid as fuck. Oh, and then the dead body of priest is rolled out.
That was the best. She's got a gunshot head to the gunshot or a gunshot to the head or gunshot wound to the head, sir.
He just walks up, barely puts his finger on it. She's dead. She's got a hole in her forehead.
Yeah, she's dead. That was fun. Her name is priest. She is from the comics or is she from the comics? I wrote. I don't know.
All right. Now, is she alive? Well, I don't know. The back of her head feels like strawberry jam.
So then we cut to Al Simmons in his homeless attire watching from a balcony his wife do a presentation on the six thousand people that got infected by the heat 16 virus that Jason sent as a test to North Korea.
And OK, OK, OK. I'm willing to believe that a mass super weapon a thousand times worse than Ebola is being contained in North Korea after infecting more than six thousand people.
I'm willing to start believing in the biblical God itself and help and that I'm willing to believe that a man was sent back from hell, missing a penis and somehow doesn't seem to care about that.
I'm even willing to believe that Al died or that Al died with that after Al died, wanted to cut with some little dick bait a male loser.
But I'm putting my fucking foot down that not only is one to some sort of expert on heat 16 virus.
Fine, whatever. But to bring your kid to a lecture and just let her stand in the back. OK, sure. But to bring your fucking dog not on a leash to this fucking gymnasium slash important business people meeting area and just have your daughter and dog walking around doing.
God knows what, while you're having the most important fucking presentation of your life. That's where I put my fucking foot. And you don't have the staff to watch a kid.
Yeah, you don't have anybody watching. She's fine. She's no, she's not fine. She talked to some weird mangled guy in the gymnasium that we have in this building for some fucking reason.
She went and talked to the worst person in this movie. She went and talked to the one that so far has killed the most innocent people. Honestly, statistically, he's more likely to kill her than any other thing we've seen him do in this movie.
Spawn has it just it's a kill rate. That's all he does is kill. I don't know. Are you fucking kidding. Where was this meeting, by the way, a bunch of important business people, political people. There's a gymnasium next door. There's fucking flower tile murals leading to the outside.
It's like obviously in a school, but a church school school. He knows. OK, OK. He knows the way better. He knows the way home better than we do is white dudes justification of leaving their dog behind.
Where's spaz? The girl says he starts. He goes, I don't know. He knows the way home better than we do. And then Wanda just sits there and just goes.
OK, and then they leave. Where did her where did her like autonomy go? Where did her independence go? Was she not just leading a seminar about helping thousands of innocent people in another country? You think she's going to let her dog walk home alone?
I think she saw the fear in her beta husband's eyes and was like, OK, let's go home. No, I, I know she sees that all the time.
I think it's I think it's sociopathic. Oh, you're right, though, because they did just leave their dog outside in the beginning. That dog, that poor fucking dog, dude. It's like they just she never wanted the dog.
Oh, so she's using this as an excuse to finally cut the last tie with now. That was my ex-husband's dog.
Well, she just doesn't care. She cares about these other people so much. She doesn't care about her own dog or family. I told you not to talk strangers like very just matter of fact, by the way, about it like.
Yeah, she looks confused and still don't talk to the homeless guys, kids, especially the one burn victim ones. Those are the worst kind cuts to the alley and you have homeless dad talking to homeless boy and he gives them some some food, you know, providing for his son.
And his son spits out some of the rotten food and he smacks his kid and I and then spawn way over reacts because that's the kind of violent fucking sociopath he is.
And he throws this guy 30 feet across a fucking alleyway into some boxes, probably full of glass, really fucking that dude's day up.
I put the homeless dad made a great point about literally not being choosy when you're a literal beggar.
I mean, no, he shouldn't have been violent, but Sean should their spawn should have stayed out of it not throw and then not throw them into the fucking boxes.
That kid is not for at least until he's old enough to get himself a job or find out a way to better his life.
That kid needs to learn that he's going to be eating some fucking rotten food along. I mean, like, it's going to happen. I'm sorry. Your dad fucked up. Your mom's gone.
Your mom left because your dad's a deadbeat. She didn't take you with him. Didn't take you with her.
She found a better guy. He didn't want any attachments. Right. Like, just fucking move on with your life.
Did just eat the rotten food. It's just food. It's gasoline for your body. You know, listen, your dad is a good guy.
So that lady who did that seminar is too concerned with Korea right now to help us. Yeah. In her own backyard.
God, I wish Wanda would just come down to Hell's Alley down here and just fucking, you know, it was a burger.
Give us one of them went to her kid's birthday party and they're just like, shoe homeless guy dying in my backyard.
Oh, that's true. Yeah. Like, yeah. Oh, what a fucking dick. Take my fucking dog with you.
So not every movie needs to have a precocious kid. I that's what you said earlier. I listen.
You know, why they try and make this story into Lassie? Why was yeah. Why was this?
Why was this trying to be just a 90s trope of kid, you know, meets it tries to reform hero?
No, it should have been a fucking homeless meth addict who just got done stealing someone's fucking bike and like runs into spawn and spawns like, what are you doing?
He's like, well, I need some meth, man. And like spawns like, OK, it's all about himself, though.
Yeah, he did. Oh, yeah. I wrote that down later. I wrote Sponges stole an innocent bikers bike. What the fuck?
He's not on like a time sensitive mission. He literally is like, Wanda, I need to see Wanda.
And then he could have just walked there. But instead, he robs a dude, steals his bike.
He could have flown there with his fucking cape. Instead, he does that. Now that dude in full biker gear.
We're talking head to toe costume. That guy was he ran out.
He's going to have to ride on the back of one of his buddies bike home. How embarrassing is that?
Just think about it. You've got a crotch rocket. Your friend's like, hey, do my bike just got stolen.
I need a ride on your back in that you're in full costume. I'm in full costume.
People are going to think that we're and it's like, well, what's wrong with that?
It's 1997. Like, who cares? And it's going to be like, well, I don't it's still weird.
I don't have a lot of room on my bike. It's just a one man bike.
It's like, OK, fine, I'll get a cab. I'll don't get a cab. I don't know.
But in my mind, I thought that one of the most important things that happened in this movie was Spawn stealing that dude's bike
and that guy running out. I just feel so bad for him.
When Spawn fights the violator for the first time, when you first see Clown transform into it, I'm like I was like, oh, man,
maybe I was looking at this movie through rose colored glasses when I chose it, because like the effects so far were really bad.
But then you see him transform like, OK, this is better.
Like, where was this for Satan? Like, yeah, they used it all on Violator.
It's funny when he is in the alleyway and he's fighting Violator, right?
After Violator kicks the fucking dog. The dog has such a shitty life in this movie.
The only the only good time that dog has is not on screen.
That dog is a limp later and that limp I buy more than Spawn's limp when he came back from hell.
But when he's shooting violators, they're just having this big fight.
The moment Violator picks up that kid's dad, Spawn stops shooting and he just stares at Violator until Violator does something to the dad.
And then then he starts fighting, fighting. He fucking hates that homeless kid's dad so fucking much for no reason.
Just kind of like, all right, do what you're going to do.
I saw him hit a kid earlier. So what? Al Simmons, you've killed so many innocent people.
You fucking monster. You you just plus.
Let's address the elephant in the room.
He has this body as a hell spawn because he made a deal with Malbrosia.
He is going back on that deal. That's fucked up. You make a deal, you honor it.
You honor your fucking deals like you would be in hell.
You would just be in hell suffering for eternity. You would not be even able to see your wife.
Your wife or your ex-wife. So like, yeah, go kill whoever needs to fucking get killed.
Spawn, you're cool with killing innocent people.
The moment they want you to kill the guy that you want to kill, you're fucking like, I know.
Maybe he's not going to.
He's not going to see his wife anymore, but he also doesn't have to see that dog anymore.
He's like, oh, fair trade.
I'm just saying, man, it's like don't pussy foot around fucking Malbrosia's deal because
that doesn't feel right when you're totally fine killing dozens of innocent people.
So Malbrosia is the bad CGI devil?
Yes, that's the one. Malbrosia is the...
It's a character that spawns...
Spoilers for the comic books that are 30 years old, but ends up killing or dethroning at least.
He ends up taking over hell at some point. Spawn. It's pretty cool.
So let's see. How does Van Helsing know how to get all the chains to come out of Spawn's body so easily?
Wait, you mean hobo one Kenobi?
Yeah. Cogliasto or whatever.
He just like... well, I guess it's because he used to be a spawn himself.
According to the comics, I looked him up.
He was a hell spawn and then he has one power left.
Like I showed you guys the thing earlier, but Spawn has a limited amount of power.
They say that in the movie, but they don't really show it.
But in the comics, it's represented by numbers like 9999 is how it starts and it gets down to 1.
After that, presumably he dies.
But Cogliasto, he has one power left and he's just using that power to stay alive.
And he's been alive for now hundreds of years.
So that would be what would happen to Spawn at the end also then?
If he decided to go down to one power and just hang out there and not do anything else.
But in this movie, it looks like he's got some powers though,
because he pulls that sword out a lot and does a lot of sorting with it.
Like a lot of green sorting.
That was the thing that confused me. I don't know all of Spawn's powers.
I only read one comic book and it was just a bunch of action scenes of him slaying demons.
They're unlimited. His powers are unlimited.
But like it is unlimited. He mind controls. He makes whatever with the suit, right?
Theoretically, I think he could expend all of his power and blow up the earth if he needed to.
So I think he's like, I feel like he's unlimited power, almost Green Lantern style with that cape.
Green Lanterns make sense.
It's like suit and cape except with a limited, like he has a, there's a fuel of like how much he can use.
Or he'll die. Yeah.
So like in the first comics, he turns himself into human and it makes him into a white blonde man,
which he hates because he's a black guy and he doesn't want to be a white blonde guy.
And that takes away like five.
So turning himself into a human takes five. He has a little less than 10,000.
So a little less than 10,000. And five was that.
So I don't know. I think healing from a neck wound that we see later on would probably be like 10 or 15, maybe 20.
Like, I don't know. So like.
But I think at one point in the comics, when he takes over hell, that goes away.
He just gets unlimited power. And then that's what he is now.
But so then he learns how to do that. He steals that innocent poor guy's bike.
They have a shootout on the bike. They have a completely unnecessary Terminator 2.
Terminator 2. Yeah.
Like, I mean, it was OK. It held up. It was fine. No, it's a cool scene.
The way that stunt driver drifted that big ass truck. I mean, it's a cool scene. Unnecessary as fuck.
It's literally just like he's he's like, all right, I'll just steal this bike and just go for a little bike ride.
And then Violator's just like, all right, here we go.
And he just chases him down like twisted metal, just a clown in a truck.
People we too. And and.
Just unnecessary, but fun. They needed to fill five minutes of action.
We got it like when the truck blows up and he just kind of flies away from it.
Oh, my God, that's the stupidest fucking scene.
I'll see that one does. Yeah. God.
A lot of nailing talk in this movie.
There's all there like Martin Sheen says, like, I need you to fucking nail him.
And then the chicks later like, I'm going to nail you.
And he's like, I'm going to fucking net so much nailing in this fucking movie.
How about the best light of the entire movie when violent when Violator,
his head is on the ground of the room and he looks at one to hey, how about a little head?
Yeah, that's the whole.
That's the whole movie. It's what I wrote, flailing to incorporate juvenile sexualized anti humor
that plays like an adolescent pandering at its most cynical,
like the scene where like John Legasama graphically mimes the motion of crude spa.
What crude masturbation while growling about bony?
Well, that's the whole thing. The whole movie.
Everything that fucking Violator does is. Huh.
Kind of violates your senses a little bit. What do I call them?
Here, finish smoking this. That's all the notes that I had.
I'm ready to write this thing. I mean, we got that help.
I'm not done. We're not done.
I'm just saying I'm ready. But if you got more that hell battle made my eyes tired.
And I like how this whole thing with like murdering innocent people and hell and Satan and all this shit.
This movie still ended like a typical 90s movie where like everyone,
the old master was like, ah, beginner's luck. And he's like, oh, you.
And then the kid shows up and he's like, thanks for taking care of my dog.
And it's just all comes all like step by step day by day.
Mac and me ending kind of shit. Yeah.
Yeah, there was a happy ending for a fucking spa.
So the way, by the way, that dog wasn't even a bad dog.
He attacked the violator when it was fucking up his master, pissed on his foot.
He gets kicked. He gets left outside multiple times, is left to die.
The only good time he has that isn't on screen is when he's with that little kid.
And we don't even see that he didn't listen to new dad when new dad was yelling,
get into the car. And that was an important moment.
He should have gotten in the car. That was a bad dog moment.
I'm look, I hate to make the dog, the slip up one time.
He also fought a fucking giant demon named the violator.
Shoot its fucking ankle. He was a good boy then, but he was a bad boy
when he was at this when he was at that school gymnasium, political meeting place.
He didn't listen to the new dad because the original alpha was back.
Yeah, but I mean. Spawn.
This is another reason he should go to hell. He should have said spaz go.
He did. Oh, OK. I didn't see that part.
Don't defend spawn bread. And he's a monster.
He's literally not even an anti hero. There's shouldn't be hero in the word.
He didn't do anything heroic in this movie. He killed a shitload of innocent people,
didn't kill the main bad guy and broke a deal with the devil.
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. I feel like the only good guy in this is that beta
cock fucking dude who showed up after Al Simmons died is like, all right,
I'll marry your beautiful wife and I'll give her a kid that you can't in the comics.
In the comics that his daughter in the comic. No, that's no, no, no, no, no.
It's definitely not. So in the comics, he's been gone for five years when he shows up.
She's and he's been gone for five years in this, too.
So when he shows up, though, she's 15 months old.
The daughter, it's definitely definitely the other guys.
And he says, but the doctor said that we couldn't have babies.
There's something wrong. And he goes, it was me. It was me this whole fucking time.
It was my fault. So I couldn't even give her the kid that she always wanted.
So he realizes then that like he this is better for Wanda to be with this other guy.
Right. But then in the movie, they they leave it ambiguous.
You don't really ever know who's good. It is. I was actually thought it was Spongebob.
She's the age. She's like six. Oh, I thought she was younger than that.
She was like six. Yeah, I thought I thought it was his kid.
I thought like she was pregnant or something when he went.
Yeah, that's how they left it feeling in the movie.
They didn't well also in the movie, she was just his fiance.
They weren't married like they and in the comics, they were married for five years.
So they did change some details. But so, yeah.
And then I don't even think Wanda ever found out that that was out the whole time.
Like the other dude did in the ballroom. He had the realization Jason knew it was him.
The dog knew it was him. But I don't think that there was ever a moment where she was like, Al, like you don't.
You don't think he went home and told his wife.
No, I think after he realized that how much better she off she was with his friend, he decided to not complicate things.
And I'm saying the friend didn't go home and tell his wife. No, they went.
They spent a week just going, oh, well, I'm never talking about it.
Hey, tell me about that ballroom attack that happened.
Well, hell spawned some sort of demon came down and threatened us. He killed priest.
You know that that woman. Oh, yeah, I don't like that woman. Why?
Well, you've seen the way she dresses at work, right?
Well, OK, yeah, but it's part of like her costume.
No, there's no government agency on Earth, Michael, that would that would have her dress like that.
She wants your attention.
Does she talk to you? Do you have to ship your number?
No, look, well, yes, but it's work related. I promise.
She's not important. She just makes the labels for the discs there.
She labels the mini disc. What the fuck does that mean?
She labels the mini disc.
Yeah. Oh, and then that house spawning end up being your ex husband, how Simmons.
Would you like to now have a normal relationship moving forward?
No, if he's smart, he keeps his mouth shut. He goes, how was work, honey? It was fine.
It was good. Yeah, it's the fucking dog.
Five years that dog first opportunity he had to say, fuck you to that dog and leave.
He literally he just he's like, let's go, let's go, let's go.
Everyone in the car. What about the dog? This is perfect.
No, he knows his way home better than we do. Let's go.
OK, this is all I've got on this movie.
It's as if the entire cast received direction cues to play every moment
with all the subtlety and nuance of professional wrestling promos.
Oh, as I was watching in the notes, I took her a little different.
I'm really starting to miss Bob's movie picks.
Oh, here's where my brain was at the time.
I'm about halfway through this movie and my note I took is go, Andy, go ahead.
Turn this shit into a masterpiece.
So you're right. I couldn't.
This I will say this. There's there's little I could do to help this.
I'm hoping that the new spawn movie that they're currently making
with Jamie Foxx as Al Simmons is going to be the movie that we all deserve.
So that's coming out.
We're also getting a TV show on Max about two detectives that are in spawn
that it's like agents.
Here it's these guys right here.
Hang on. They were just they were just in a panel.
Right. God, I thought they were closer.
There's these two detective dudes that oh, here, this guy, these two right here.
Boom. I forgot their names, Twitch and damn, Twitch and Twitch and somebody.
Got Silvio from Sopranos and a young doc from Back to the Future, basically.
That's what they look like.
But those but those two dudes are getting their own HBO show.
And one of them is it's somebody famous like the like the guy who's playing the main dude is somewhat big.
Like not Tom Hardy, but someone like that level.
And so I don't know if that's going to play into the new movie.
I hope it does.
Like I hope that it's a direct spinoff of it, because if it's a Max show that I'm assuming HBO is going to do,
they're going to have the movie.
Do we know who's directing the movie?
I think it's Todd McFarlane.
And with the help of other directors, I think it's like not just him, but he's on the he's on the crew this time.
Of doing like more than he did last time.
I think the original would have been much better had they stuck with the original director.
I'm happy it's Jamie Foxx, but I'm happy it's Jamie Foxx that spawned.
But if they don't get John Leguizmo back as violator, I mean, I don't think they will.
But I didn't know that Tim Burton was the original choice to direct Tim Burton.
That's interesting. Yeah, but he couldn't do it.
So they got this idiot already fucking up Batman.
The one thing I enjoyed about this movie is what a fun time John Leguizmo had.
He could. Yeah, I wish they would bring him back like you were saying for the other movie.
I think we should play this movie like they do music to Noreaga to torture people.
Oh, I started thinking this movie 1997 and I went and looked actually to see what else came out in 97.
Because weirdly, this had such bad special effects that I was like, well, wait a minute.
Was it the time? I was thinking maybe it's because of the time, you know, of what?
The 1997 that special effects weren't as good.
And then I went and looked what else came out.
The Fifth Element, The Lost World, Jurassic Park.
Hell, 1997, The Pest also had John Leguizmo and was a better movie.
It's like, no, no, no. Hold on. I was going to let you fit in.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The Pest was not a better movie than Spawn.
You made him stop mid-bong hit for that. First off, first off, first off.
Who directed this? You said this bozo. Who's the director?
I don't remember. It doesn't matter. And that was just a joke, Andy. I'm not serious.
And if we're going to go good graphics, you can't bring The Fifth Element into it.
The Fifth Element has a lot of great practical effects, great set pieces, great costume choices, great actors, great story.
Great everything. But the fucking graphics on The Fifth Element do not hold up, Mike.
They are bad, bad, bad. They're as bad as fucking Spawn. They're as bad as.
And look, The Lost World, you can get away with a lot when it comes to shooting nighttime stuff.
And, you know, like I would say that the Jurassic Park movies are they stand apart from everything else.
But that's because Spielberg made it feel like the devil.
And he, unlike Spawn, fucking held up to his end of the bargain. So like, I don't know.
Steven Spielberg is going to lead Satan's army. Fuck yeah.
I think, honest to my feeling for this whole movie, I feel like they ruined it when they went for the PG-13 rating.
I agree. It's watered down. It should be dark and funny. Not whatever this Lassie come home story is.
Skip it and go watch the very good HBO animated version, which I went and watched the episode. It was great.
The comic book you're reading, Andy, is that the old one or is that a current one, modern one?
Too many things right now. One, I'm reading the just from the start that I'm on issue four of Spawn.
Like just the start. Because he was just saying PG-13. I didn't know that.
Oh, this movie should have been rated R. I agree with you 100% on that. This movie suffered for being PG-13.
The new ones are, it's got Jeremy Renner. Oh, that's who it is. Jeremy Renner is going to play Twitch.
And then also in the new show. So he's in the movie as well. So they are tied together.
So they are tied together. It's Jamie Foxx, Jeremy Renner. That's who they have. Todd McFarlane.
Oh, and then it's Plum House is going to do it. So it'll be good. So it's going to be good.
It's going to be high quality. It's going to be well done. It's going to be everything about it. Super excited.
Rated R. Pumped. What? I was going to tell him to go on.
No, no, wait. I was on the, that was actually the end of what I had. I said go watch the HBO animated version.
That's what I wanted to mention. The acting is way less cartoonish than the damn cartoon.
So the HBO animation is a rated R spawn. I mean, it's TVMA. It's one of the first TVMAs, I think, around one of the,
it's like when the time that TVMA became a thing, I remember Spawn being one of those.
Well, it was also HBO anyway. It was HBO anyway. But it was still like, yeah, they do those, that series is.
HBO goes hard.
And they did a perfect animated, the art style on it is amazing. The, let me see, I think I.
I think they tried to, since it was the 90s, they probably tried to hold Todd McFarland back.
It was like, you can't have that many guts and, you know, all that shit. You can't say fucking kill. You got to say nail.
You got to nail him. So he was probably hella restrained. He wanted his movie to get made.
Yeah.
Well, you could, you could tell a lot of the line changes, like, because I watch movies with subtitles on just in case I miss something.
And there was definitely a few things that were changed.
Like some of the lines, like the subtitle would say something different than what they would actually say.
So I don't know if that changed a lot.
Interesting. Or maybe, well, it could also be the subtitle pack that they used for whatever streaming site to be might have that.
Different.
A lot of that's AI done now. So it's like it does it automatically. It misses words.
So this is on HBO Max is what you're telling me.
Yes, this on HBO Max.
Yeah.
And it's great.
Don't play too much of this, Andy, because the camera can kind of see it.
That's going to be an issue.
Oh, that amount with no sound, you'll be all right.
All right. If you put it at the bottom left, it would be fine.
It's fine. I'm just going to we're going to do this.
Yeah, excellent show.
But nice palette, because I watch it after I watch it.
Yeah, yeah. I'm like, yeah, there is much better.
Good spawn does exist. Is that your recreational recommendation?
Oh, yeah. So Austin had an idea that we should actually well, let's rate the movie first.
And then we'll do our and then I'll do our rec recs.
Because that's kind of what it is. Recreational recommendations.
Yeah, because we're recreational smokers. Austin's a smart guy.
It's better than recommendation station at the end of Anthony Jesselnik's podcast.
I didn't want to copy that too much. I'm like, let's make it a stoner thing.
Yeah, recreational recommendations. So are you guys ready to rate this thing?
Yeah. OK. All right.
So our scale until until we find a better one, which I'm still working on, we're going to find a really cool variable scale.
We might even just do a tier list, which might be just the way to go.
We might just have a tier list and then start slapping these things on on the tiers might be the better way to do it.
It's more visual representation.
But right now, the way that we do things is we have eliminated the A in your standard A through F system.
And instead, we've gone the other way. We added a W outside the F on the other side that stands for waste of fucking time.
Typically, we don't pick movies that are standard Hollywood gold.
So B, a B plus has been our highest ratings unless you're a titan, unless you're a masterpiece or S tier like some of our previous movies.
I won't say which steel at Battlefield Earth.
About a B plus is as high as you can go, but don't worry about it. I have a feeling we're not getting anywhere close to that.
So we'll start with our boy, Austin.
I love this movie as a kid. I had the toys going back and watching it.
I was like, oh, no, the CGI is bad. I forgot about that.
Oh, no, the acting is and then but Violator, the clown fucking saved it.
It made it watchable and enjoyable. I actually got to go back and like pay more attention.
So I'm giving it a B. Oh, shit. Bold.
That is a bold take. That's bold. All right. All right.
No shame in that. Mike.
Wow. Talk about your man.
Maybe I might be underrating this because of watching Todd McFarlane spawn on HBO after it.
So that's fair. I think it's super fair to compare it to what's out there because, oh, man, comparison.
That was my chaser. That makes this movie a W. Oh, my. Do not watch this. Watch that.
God polar opposite reading time from Mike. Holy shit.
Well, think about how many episodes I could have watched.
Oh, it's literally by definition a waste of time.
We just set up the brackets on the outside. So it doesn't even matter anymore.
It's just between Andy and Brendan.
Wow. Yeah, like how far in the middle are we going to go?
Yeah. So there definitely is aspects of the movie that I do enjoy and there's aspects that kind of you can laugh at, you know, but I could put that to it being old and then spending a lot of budget on other things.
So I do I rated it C minus.
Okay, see, I think that if somebody took this movie and ran it through an A.I. that could improve its graphics, I think if somebody gave it a better score to underlying some of the more comedic moments and make it just a little bit more slapstick, turn it into a comedy like Battlefield.
I think if you gave it a little bit or go the other way and really do an edit that shows how much of a monster Al Simmons is, I would like that take two.
If you just went with a dark R rated cut where it's just Al Simmons as a serial killer.
If you shot this like a Halloween movie and made Al Simmons the monster that's just murdered, you follow an innocent a six agent as he's going through his day and he hears about some of his friends being wiped out in a ballroom.
He shows up to work. He just gets murdered by a hell spawn.
Terrifying with the right music.
Because of that alone, I'm going to give this movie. I was actually I was teetering between a C plus and a B minus and of the movie you want to make more so rate this movie Andy not what you want to make.
I am I am because if we go back to 1997, my favorite year of all time as a child, I think, I think it's just like peak me think that I discovered myself as a person I was 10 years old.
I started a new school I was making new friends I was discovering what I liked what I didn't like I started getting into reading I read the hatchet, which is a which which really kind of changed my whole understanding that reading could be fun spawn came out and you're
excited to go see it. Yeah, no, no, that's the thing spawn came out, and I was really excited to go see it. And my mom, let me go see it. PG 13 be damned I was 10 years old and she's like yeah well it's spawn, you know it's a comic book thing we'll go take you.
I went and saw it. And as a 10 year old boy in 1997 watching spawn there's, I loved every fucking second of this movie. I remember violator more than anything like it just john lewis Amo as violator is the way I will always see that character.
Did you understand any of the jokes at 10 I'm curious.
Was sexualized, you were in it, I'm sure I, I don't think I, I don't know if I got. Do you want a little head. That's a very funny line now.
Don't know if I got that.
But I'm sure I got a lot of it. But more than anything I'm just looking at that Cape going holy shit these graphics, I don't think you could do better.
I think 1997 we've hit the pinnacle of we've hit the pinnacle of what things are. So you didn't see the last world. No I did but that the Cape stood out to me as being cool at the fucking time.
Anyway yeah so be minus.
And I.
Okay, I don't know how to do the math on this.
No because that double is where it's it's C. We started with a C and C and two B's is what it ends up being so it ends up being a C plus now he's right C plus.
No, if it's, if we give these in numerical value of five, four, three, two, and then zero. No, not zero.
Yeah, zero for W.
And this would be what?
Four and a half, nine and a half, eight and a half, zero.
Okay, I don't know what the fuck.
That was fun to watch. Me and Mike were on opposite sides like we were polar.
I don't know what the fuck I was doing with this.
I meant nothing. I had a number by the end of it. I had no goal with it. I was like all right I've got the number 12 or 13.
Divide the number by four. You said C minus and you said what C plus? I said B minus. Divide your number by four.
So it's either C plus or just C the middle. Yeah. Me and him were on the opposite sides of the spectrum so ours really doesn't come into play.
Okay, then you're right. I think we're, I think we're to solid C.
Come on gets us C. Okay.
If you're familiar with the show in the first few seasons, we used to sort of just do a vote for movies, but that got chaotic.
It's a little one sided. I used to cheat a lot.
And people didn't enjoy that. And then at one point people voted for a movie called If You Don't Stop, dot, dot, dot, you'll go blind.
He would cheat and veto. In other words, cheeto.
I would cheeto the fuck out of these things. And for better or worse.
And we've decided to change that. And now we're on a rotating system. I think it's a lot more fair.
And this is the first for our Quietest Member, Brennan. So Brennan, what do you got for us this week?
Well Mike, if you didn't like Spawn, I don't think you're going to like my choice.
All right. I can't wait. So we haven't done a musical yet. So I went with Repo, the Genetic Opera.
Yeah, boy. Yes, it's a rock opera. OK, I need to know.
I don't know. What is heavy metal not on Tubi anymore?
I need to know real quick. Have either of you seen Repo, Genetic Opera? No.
Watch fucking musicals, dude. OK. Now, if Brennan's anything like me, I've seen this movie probably five or six times, maybe.
I've seen it more. OK. It's if I if it's one of my go to musicals, I'll pick this over Rocky Horror.
I'll pick like Rocky Horror. So if it's along that vein, it's great. But if we're but just to this would be a way better time.
I haven't watched it in years. Never seen Rocky Horror. You've never seen Rocky Horror.
I think I tried to watch it. I couldn't get past the intro. Oh, you're going to love Repo, Genetic Opera.
OK, so I should say sorry, Austin. Wait, actually, can I? There's a weird guy. OK, that's all I know.
All right. All right. Now, this is the Rocky Midnight Showing's probably 10 times.
Oh, we're going to get it. OK, we got a lot to cover then next week.
But I almost want to add an extra homework assignment by Club Style where.
It's almost like Cheetoing where I want to add a component to Repo, Genetic Opera.
I don't think that's enough. I kind of want to cover a little more musical.
So I was thinking about doing this today. Anyway, we're going to do a double feature and the double feature.
Don't worry, it's not long. We're doing Repo, Genetic Opera and Dr. Horrible's Sing Along blog.
And Austin's funeral. You know what? I was Dr. fucking what? So I can write that down. Jesus Christ.
Dr. Horrible's Sing Along blog starring Neil Patrick Harris. That's on Tubi? No, it's on YouTube probably.
We'll figure it out. It was released for free on YouTube. It was it's directed by Joss Whedon.
It's Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillian and. Oh, I can't remember. Remember Felicia Day.
Sounds great. It's my I'll tell you this, just not it's not about the story at all.
When they released this for free on YouTube, it was a big hit, but they also said, hey, if you like it, you can buy the DVD.
And the DVD is going to come with commentary, the musical where the whole commentary is a separate musical on its own while you're watching Dr. Horrible.
So I bought the DVD. I think I'll find it. Maybe we can watch that together after. But.
It's great. You said not long. How long am I? Forty five minutes. Oh, OK, that's it's three acts.
Forty five minutes. That's why I thought I could tack it on here without any. Yeah, that's no problem.
And it's it's delightful. This isn't a versus. This is just a double feature.
We're going to talk about both. And if you can cram any other musicals into your watching this.
I'm going to suggest that we do it. You're going to see in the chat.
I'm going to put that just recommended viewing and I'll tell the audience right now.
If you're listening to this, some of them are going to going to include the musical episode from Psych once more with feeling from Buffy.
It's going to be the first episode of.
What's that one with Keegan? Schrigga Schmigga, Schmigga, Dune.
And I'm going to try to think of a few others. These are just one episode thing, so they are doable.
And it's so consider this week, Austin, to be musical week, to be musical week.
We're going to save it for high scores. But OK, no, trust me, this is.
Brendan just just did something that no one expected.
A triple feature. I'm going to put a sound of music.
Everybody thought I was going to pick Goon because that's the only hockey will be on there.
I did think he was going to be said. I wish we would take it to.
Nope, we're doing a double feature. Dr. Horrible, Sing Along Blog and of course, Repo, the genetic opera.
I feel like our episodes with like controversy movies like the people either love or hate are good episodes usually.
Yeah, but. I'm serious, we're going to have I'm going to worry.
There's going to be a lot of recommending viewing this week, so just be prepared, you guys.
There's some great musicals out there that we're all missing.
I'm always down for a musical. Apparently, yeah. Did anyone watch Knuckles?
Yes, there's a goals is great. I don't want to.
Well, there's one episode in particular that I wonder what it's about.
You had to use your deductive reasoning. I don't want to spoil anything, but boy, is it good.
No, you can watch Knuckles with your kids.
They were watching it one day when I was getting ready to go to work and it looked good.
Yeah, and I too as a grown man have a reason to watch Knuckles.
So shut up, everybody. I'm allowed to watch it. I like Sonic the Hedgehog.
Yeah, it's good. Yeah, Knuckles is great. That's it's worth the watch.
So yeah, now we got recommend. So moving forward, everybody who came to listen to us talk about Spawn
and find out what we're going to do next week. I guess you can fuck off if you don't want to listen to the rest of this.
But yeah, so now we're going to get into the music.
Let me make it you on here so I know when to put the music.
Cue the music now.
I don't think we have to pause.
No, keep going. I can put this in.
That's the music. I picture like the little thing that the little bell thing that goes off when you walk into a store like dinning like you're walking into a recreational.
Yeah, that's what we're going to do. It's going to be some sort of bell music. I'll make it on AI.
Everybody at home who just listens to whatever it was. That's the boo. That was good.
All right. I might use that. Just loop that. All right, everybody.
We're going to see what Andy's capable of with editing and AI.
We'll see what we get. But I'm going to try to make that the most epic music ever.
It's going to be a minute long. It's just going to be crazy.
That's going to be the I'm going to try to do like a trance with it's going to be fucking dope.
Speaking of homemade trance, you got a Brennan coughing in the background of the two.
You have so many sound bites of that. Yeah.
Does anyone remember Homestar Runner dot com? Yes. Strong bad email, baby. Strong bad email.
Does anyone remember the homemade techno from strong bad strong bad?
No, the only music I remember is Chalk Door.
OK, well, if all three of you had remembered, we could have done the most epic of all time right now.
And I'm going to show you what we could have done. But now we can't.
Because it needs four people. Art recreational recommendations.
This is where we're talking about other things that we're doing that aren't related to spawn, aren't related to just whatever it could be.
Anything video games, books, movies, music, an art piece that you saw, comic book you read, some toy that you picked up, some cool collectible, you know, just anything that you want to talk about.
This is our show and tell part of the kindergarten class. And what do you guys got? We all just finished fallout. Yeah, we all just finished fallout.
That's one thing for sure. And I don't I don't want to go with this. Let's no spoilers.
This is just like if you were talking to someone at the water cooler, you don't want to spoil what you want them to watch it.
I mean, fallout is a 10 out of 10. That's a good fucking show.
Some of the best acting and and costume design, everything about it is it's literally perfect.
Graphics are awesome. Did you watch the after credits of fallout?
Was there one each episode? No, the end credits scene at the end of the series.
Oh boy. Oh, boy.
I feel like only me and Brennan know this. Yeah, Mike doesn't get Mike doesn't get it because he didn't play the games.
Oh, wait, shit. No, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. That's out there everywhere.
But we can't talk about it. But yes, I did see that. And I'm currently playing.
Yes, I did. Well, it's spoiled anyway.
Andy always does this. He's don't give any spoilers. Then he immediately gives a spoiler.
He's like, just going to turn Mike down. Well, yeah, he was peeking.
Not not for any other not for any political reasons.
Fallout's great. I just beat Kingdom Hearts, the first one.
I don't know how to tell Zach. It's so boring. It's such a boring game.
It's like tough to play because games are so much better right now that going to something that was made in early 2000s and it's a Disney property.
The only reason I'm playing it is because it has Final Fantasy characters. They blended Final Fantasy and Disney made it into a game that's that you can go fight people.
And I'm like, yeah, absolutely. And a bunch of cool little twists on it are fun.
Like the magic you use as your character in this game is the same magic system that's in the Final Fantasy game.
So in the Final Fantasy game, you start off with fire is your first fire fire turns it the E.
It becomes an A. That is your second strongest.
And then fire Agra is or fire fire Aga becomes your most powerful one.
And then there might be like Flair after that. But in this game, your magic evolves the same way.
So by the end, you're using like blizzara and, you know, like all this kind of cool magic, which I like.
You meet Final Fantasy characters. You have summons. You meet Leon from Final Fantasy 8, which is my favorite game.
So that's fun. But the reason it sucks is that these cut scenes are they feel like you're watching them at half speed.
Like if you're listening to an audiobook and somebody just clicked it down a few notches and it's just like it takes, I don't know, 10 seconds before anyone responds to each other.
I hate it. Like, hey, goofy. Hey, Sora. Let's go get the Harless.
It's just fucking forever. I hate it so much. That was a bad goofy. I'll never do that.
That's a good. Well, that sounded like goofy. Yeah.
I'll tell you what I've been doing. This is one night. It was just one night.
Thursday night when I got off work. Hold on somebody.
I just flick my mic on and off. OK. When I got off work Thursday night, I went down because my wife was leaving town.
So I needed to stay up to wait. I had to keep fucking rhyming.
If you're going to tell the story, you don't start with I went down because my wife was leaving town.
You better fuck. You better find a way to keep writing.
It's not because all this is too high. Start a musical.
We have to do it because my wife was going out of town.
I had to eat some food. I was left work and went down to watch a movie
because I had to stay up until three a.m. to make sure I wake my wife up early in the morning
for her to go out of town, which has nothing to do with the movie.
I went and saw Furiosa Thursday night. Oh, holy crap.
Great movie. Great movie. Go see Furiosa. Everybody go to the theaters and see it.
It's getting hate online for some stupid things like Andy Taylor.
Joy has 40 lines of dialogue. Who cares? It doesn't matter.
It's Mad Max. It makes no difference.
It's Furiosa. As a matter of fact, I watched this movie.
Keeping that in mind, at the end of this movie, they could have done this movie like prey.
Do you remember the movie Prey? It's on Hulu original where they had no dialogue.
No. Oh, the Predator thing? The Predator. Yeah. Oh, yes.
Yeah. No dialogue. They could have done this movie with no dialogue and it would have been fantastic.
Are people saying that 40 lines is too much dialogue? Too little is what people are saying.
Is it a Mad Max movie? Yeah, it's a Mad Max movie.
Didn't Mad Max himself have less than that in his movie?
That's sort of the point is that it doesn't matter. That's my point is that it's a fantastic movie.
I'm forgetting. This is a female-led movie, correct? Exactly.
Of course, it's going to get hate online. Right. And it's amazing.
It's exactly what you want from it. Yeah.
I mean, it might be worth going to the theaters to check out. It is.
I might go do that. I'll have to go standard, earliest showing on a Monday where there's no other people there.
Right. Late nights are good here because there's so many older people. So late nights are really good, too.
It's been a while since I've had this red. But when is it time? When can we stop having movies come out and movie theaters first?
When can we just change that as a society? Nobody wants it. Nobody wants movie theater culture.
We all want shit to come out day one streaming because everyone wants to watch it at home.
We have that. We had that during COVID, though. And everyone loved it.
The problem is, is that they don't make as much money that way.
So they just need to change their expectations or change the way that they make money via streaming.
Exactly. What they need to do is do day and date stream at the same day like they did during COVID.
But it ought to be like seventy nine dollars on week one and go down to sixty nine on week two, fifty nine on week three.
However long you want to wait, that's going to be up to you.
So if you want to wait the full eight or ten weeks like it is now, then it'll be nineteen ninety nine.
But if you're willing to pay eighty dollars, but if you've got a family of four, you're paying that to go to the movies anyway.
Yes, that's true. Yeah, that is true.
And you have the option to share with friends in the way that they could come over, watch it, you can watch it again.
You know, you own it at that point or you're renting it or you talk about rent.
No, I think they should sell them like just it starts at seventy nine or eighty nine dollars and goes down every week until like you own it.
When you when you when you buy it at home, you own it.
No, what they should do is have it this while the same time it's in the theater, have only the option to rent it once for a higher fee than normal.
Like forty nine. The only way to make that work financially is make it be like that's what I'm talking about.
Fifty bucks. But you rent the movie that would have be the same kind of premiere that would be at a theater.
Right. So you get one viewing of it, maybe even they limit the option to pause or record or whatever.
Maybe it's just you have to just play it. It's a theater experience at home.
It has the built in previews. There's no fast forward. There's no rewind. You're just renting as if it's just you're there.
I had to take it to the movies. That's exactly what it is.
So you do that and you pay fifty bucks for that. That way or even more, maybe eighty bucks, because that way you get friends over.
Everyone splits the cost. You're more comfortable. It's at home. Everyone has their snacks. Everyone has their food.
You don't you're not losing, you know, like whatever.
So I think that's the way that we could go as a culture because I fucking hate the movie theaters. They suck.
I hate being in general public in general. I hate just being around the general.
I hate having to sit next to strangers to enjoy a movie. I hate being in the dark with people I don't know.
I hate being in places that are cleaned by people that I don't know.
I hate being in a seat that's been who knows what by who knows when, how many times.
I don't like it. I could see that out here. But when I lived in Havasu, they built this brand new movie theater that nobody ever goes to.
And it's always clean. They have the nicest shit. You could buy booze there.
I like I go see like a major Marvel movie there. That's I don't go there like every week and go see whatever's new.
It has to be something like big. The only.
Yeah, we're going to like I'm going to go to an IMAX to see a Deadpool when it comes out.
Yeah, there's definitely movies that are better to see in theaters.
And I wouldn't want to give up that like the Star Wars movies, the prequels when they came out.
Like that's a memory I'll hold on to for my whole life going and seeing those with my dad at midnight.
You know, my dad pulled me out of school.
Lied so he could pull us out of school so we could go see Attack of the Clones.
I think my dad pulled me out of school to get a seat to go see Attack of the Clones.
At Cinema City in Yorba Lynn, Anaheim Hills, Cinema City, which is now a fucking Tesla dealership.
And it broke my goddamn heart. So I don't know that you hate the theater experience.
You hate today's theater experience. I hate the fucking theaters.
Hear me out. I would I would rather watch Deadpool at home by myself a thousand percent over going to the IMAX and seeing it there.
Because the moment that a character is introduced on screen and the people start cheering and I miss that first fucking line.
My my mood is literally ruined for the rest of the movie.
And that's on me. Sure. For being sensitive in that way.
But that's why I prefer watching at home when I'm watching at home and I want to react genuinely to a moment.
I could pause the movie and just be like, whoa. OK. That's that's there's something to that movie experience, though.
Like you're there maybe with a bunch of people, maybe it's just a few people go at a certain time.
But like the fact that you're there, you can't pause the movie or anything.
You have to sit there and pay attention to it. You don't even want to get up and go to the bathroom.
Austin knows the difference. It's special. There are distractions. Other people are assholes.
But I'm not a toddler when I intend to watch a movie with my full intent, with my full attention.
It gets it. I'm not sitting here on my phone. I'm not a teenage girl.
When I sit and watch a movie, do you not see the copious amount of notes I take?
I pause a movie and collect my notes on these things. I my thoughts.
I it takes me four hours to watch. That wasn't a stab at you. I was saying just in general.
But what I'm let you get it out for a second. But I meant like if you're if getting together and watching a movie with some friends at your house is great.
That there's nothing wrong with that. But when you go to a theater, it's different. It's far different.
You can't pause it. There's no no one's allowed to talk or ask questions or anything.
Everyone's just sitting there watching the movie. It's just a different. It's just a different path to seeing the movie.
Austin, I watched a movie about a year ago in the theaters and there was these teenage girls behind me that not only were tapping the back of my chair with their foot, they wouldn't stop talking.
They had a full, full volume. Oh, my God. This guy won't stop taking pictures of that.
They had a full, like, on like just just unabashed conversation about like Clearman's cheese.
And I've never in my life been so close to just thinking, all right, when they leave, I'll stick my foot out and hopefully they just fall down a bunch of stairs and I kill one of the two of Jesus.
So going to the theaters is just a bad fucking like I hate it so much. I hate that the general public.
No, the problem is, is that so what they should do, go back to my system. If you read the movie, whatever, keep theaters around, make it.
They'll have to raise the prices. Right. But that's OK, because then that eliminates like teenagers from going because like you don't want to go to a theater and have people who aren't respecting the movie the same way you are to be in the same theater, because then they
they're they're bored. Their wife is asking like, what's going on? Who's that guy? What is happening here? I hear that bullshit going on. Kids aren't following what's going on, even though it's an Iron Man movie.
They don't want to see Iron Man having a panic attack. They don't know what's happening. They have other things on their minds at that point.
It's so frustrating that you have to sit there in the fucking general public. You just have to be around strangers.
And if you're in Aurora, Colorado, you'll get fucking killed for going to see Batman. You know, like it's like here I'm safe.
I have my fucking TV. It's a big screen from where I'm sitting on my fucking couch.
It's as big as from the perspective of a regular movie theater. When you're in the theater, sort of. It's like this and I VR if I really needed to go full pretend theater.
But actually, it's kind of dope. It hurts your eyes in the long run. But I think these are Andy issues, though, not movie.
No, I can't be alone. But you're not alone. I can't be alone. But there's got to be people out there that hate the fact.
But there's just as many people. Did you see any of the Jackass movies in theaters? Any of them? Yeah.
I've seen like most of them in theaters. I probably saw them. Isn't that such an experience?
Like all like minded people like you just laughing their asses off, like having a good time. Like the community kind of experience.
The community feel like it. For certain movies, maybe not a cinematic movie, but like something like Jackass. Yeah, and great.
If I really wanted to experience watching Jackass with someone, I could either have someone here watching it with me or I could if I wanted to see the audience react to it, I can go on YouTube and watch it.
But does that take does that get rid of the all the other problems is just that that sense of camaraderie with the general public when you're watching a movie, get rid of all of the extra stuff? I don't know.
Look, you're right. I'm not saying one. I stand alone here amongst friends, but I'm sure there's people out there that can relate with me.
There's got to be people that hate going to the theater as much as I do. There are. And I agree with you. I like the two tiers.
I like the two tier system of being able to watch it over and in the movies, but I don't think movies need to go away.
I think they need to become a more special experience. And and what you really want already exists.
You don't think Brad Pitt's going to the theater to watch a movie, do you? They'll sell you a box.
It's about seventy thousand dollars and each movie is about five hundred dollars. But you can absolutely do that today.
See, to me, if I was rich enough, that would be absolutely an investment I would make. Yeah, rich people do it.
So you're basically just buying the reels to like as a. It's all digital, but yes, but you're basically pretending that you're a movie theater.
Basically, yes. Is it seventy thousand dollars? Is there not a cheeper option for the equipment?
We not make fried rice movie theater as a as like a no, we cannot call this building a fucking movie theater and just get some reels.
Well, yeah, you can. It's seventy thousand dollars and five hundred dollars a movie. Let's start a go fund me.
Everybody driving theaters. It's a driveway theater.
All right, everybody, if you join Patreon, if we ever get to the whopping number of seventy thousand dollars, you're going to really help me not have to.
Well, we'll be able to do movies that are up to date. Yeah, it's all the movies that come out in theater.
So keep that in mind, general public, which I love so much.
I don't want theaters to go away either. It's like there's sometimes there's just a movie.
It's like I'm going to go to the theater for this one. Well, like when I go to when I go to Deadpool, I'm going to take my grandkid.
I have to see the whole I'm going to go see Deadpool in the theaters, too.
Why? Because if I don't, I get it ruined. That's the problem.
And that's the and that's why that's where this whole thing kicks off is that like if I had a day one release here, I would save money, spend eighty dollars, be completely.
I would spend I would end up spending more money on the movie than I would if I went to the theater. Right.
You would. Yeah. Deadpool would make more money. Marvel would make more money.
Disney would make more money if I bought that eighty dollar movie here, which I would do.
Marvel, you don't think that getting Deadpool not spoiled for me is not worth eighty fucking dollars.
Hundred percent worth it. I pay for it for a year that you would do it.
Eighty dollars. Hundred percent. If you did. If you did for I do four big releases for eighty dollars and I would wait to stream the rest.
That's me personally. I know people that would spend more.
I know people that if especially if you had a Marvel like yearly pass for like a pay per view fight a fight night or something.
Exactly. I would have. Yeah, I'd have I bring. No, see, that's I would even say you don't want too many people because it's like two people.
Like these are the rules. Be quiet. Me personally, me personally.
They would make eighty dollars off of me. Yeah, I'm not having any.
I know that like make one hundred and sixty off the second watch through with other people.
I know that they would be like your family. They would make eighty dollars off of your family watching.
Right. Your family would make eighty dollars.
But if you guys went to the theater and spent that same eighty dollars, how much of that is the movie theater just making concessions or whatever?
How much does Marvel make off your seven dollar ticket?
The one at the fucking at the casino cost what? Eight bucks. Eight fifty. Eight fifty.
How is Marvel making money off of that? They're not.
But I'll tell you, I'd give you eighty bucks and that would go all to you for a digital stream that costs you nothing to send me a unique stream account.
That's it. And then, OK, yeah, your shit's going to get pirated immediately.
That's already that's the problem. But your shit's already getting pirated.
You just people, yes, would have immediate, perfect quality every single time.
You'd have to crack down either on pirating or you just have to accept that most people don't pirate.
And most people who are honest would just buy the eighty dollar stream.
Oh, I would definitely buy the eighty dollars. I think we just accomplished something.
We solved it. We solved movie theater. This is the recommendation segment.
Yeah, I'm recommending that we change society as a whole.
Just recreational. All right. Well, that was a good recreational recommendation from one person that lasted 20 minutes.
Mine is it's a it's a short series within a sketch comedy show.
It was the widest kids, you know, you know, I think it was their last season and they had like the regular show in the first half.
And then the second half was like a 10 part series that I got the end of each episode was called the Civil War on Drugs.
So it's a it's so you saw that? Yeah, that was good.
So it's a play with a play almost basically.
And I mean, they put they put more production than their actual show into this.
And it's just the it's a Trevor Moore and Sam Brown.
And they're playing like in the Civil War times, Trevor Moore is like this rich kid.
Sam Brown is like this homeless dumbass guy. They find they discover weed.
They're getting high all the time. And during the whole Civil War thing, they're trying to outlaw slavery or outlaw the north.
And they're wearing like American flag shirts and smoking weed.
And they come out and they're like, hey, we just made that illegal.
And they think they're talking about the weed and they get chased out of town.
It's like a whole thing of them trying to get weed legalized or keep it legal, even though it was already legal and not realizing that they're fighting against slavery the whole time.
So it's a drunk history, basically, almost. I mean, oh, it's it's more of like if is there a compilation on YouTube of all of the Civil War on drugs?
Oh, you can get every episode on YouTube. I mean, I'm sure someone compiled it all together.
Yeah, without having to watch all the full episodes to get there.
It's funny that so many like so many of the core group like shows up and dies and then comes back again as somebody else.
I don't remember if it was back to the future, the TV show, the cartoon series or if it was Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, the cartoon show, which both existed.
But at one of them at the end or at the end of it, Bill Nye, the science guy came out and did science experiments before he was Bill Nye before he had a show.
I don't know why I brought that up.
Not related at all.
It's because waiting for the end of a show to get to a segment.
And I thought like a post credits, you know, most. Yeah.
Bill Nye post credit. It's pretty cool.
Freddie, you got anything that you recommend?
No, I've just been playing same old, same old stuff.
I mean, right now I'm picked back up Jedi Survivor almost towards the end of it and kind of just doing more side missions and just kind of trying to play through it.
I got the platinum for that. And it's worth it. Yeah.
You get a bunch of stuff in the end.
I don't know how platinum it I'm not that I'm not that completionist guy.
I just want to I don't think I platinum did either.
I just but I got to the I mean, I beat it for me now.
It's enough to just beat a game. Move on.
I'll platinum a game if it's like I'm obsessed with it.
I'll look at all the trophies and be like, this is platinum mobile and then I'll do it.
Yeah, it's an easy platinum.
I got kids.
Resident Evil five platinum.
If I was I don't have to replay the game.
Yeah.
I hate that. Like I want to play it once on hard and get all the get all the plat get everything I need to get one playthrough.
That's what I want.
You play it on harder on cheat code.
Hard.
When I'm going for Platinum's Mike survival on PlayStation, I don't cheat codes on PlayStation survival.
You don't need to you don't need to replay it.
Actually, you can do everything in that one sink that one first game because there's not like completed on every difficulty or anything like you can play.
Platinum it on easy if you really wanted to.
Sure.
And Mike's making reference to the fact that when I play games on PC, I tend to cheat.
And yeah, but the cheating that I do on PC makes my game just a lot more, in my opinion, just easier to manage because I want to play as many games as possible.
So when I'm playing Fallout New Vegas, I want my character moving at twice the speed that he'd normally would because fuck the slow ass walk that he does.
So like I want to just be able to zip across the map and do things that I need to go do.
Right.
So there's nothing wrong with that.
It's a big map.
It's a huge map.
I want to be able to zip across it.
I know it has a fast travel, but I want a faster travel.
You know what I mean?
Like and so that's cheating.
I've seen you drive.
Okay.
Let's not with police officers to listen to this and I just made a saucy Facebook comments on one of their search and rescue photos.
It's so great.
What?
Well, there's a search and rescue photo that they got this hiker that was stuck on a mountain.
It was lifting the dude up.
His face is the rescue guys holding him basically just his face on the dude's dick and he's just pulled him up.
I'll show you the photo later.
But I wrote in quotes, trust me, this is all part of the rescue.
I've gotten six laughing faces.
So it's worth it.
It's worth the raid that's coming to my apartment later or if I ever get stuck, it's worth not being safe.
It's this fucking guy that the rescuers get a fucking put your head on the stage and say exactly that.
Don't worry.
It's part of the rescue.
And he's not going hiking anytime soon.
Oh, yeah, that's that's the reason.
It's going to stop Andy from taking a hike.
Let me stop going all the hikes I've been going on.
Oh, wait, now I'm at nine.
But this is the picture.
That's gold.
It's so good.
Are you going to tell that on stage?
I feel like it's worth telling.
I don't know.
I'd have to pass my phone around.
So if I printed the photo, you just you described it just fine.
You tried it.
Yeah, that's fine.
It's a cheap joke.
But yeah, well, cool.
That was a fun way to that's a more fun way to end the show than than to do our movie picks, I think.
Well, cool. Hey, well, thanks so much for for coming, you guys.
And joining me for another exciting episode of Fried Rice podcast.
Ladies and gentlemen at home, if you want to see the video edits of these, go to our Patreon.
I'm so sorry.
But here you are.
You didn't point. What's up with that?
Well, there was you were it was blocked.
But yeah, that was pointing with not with my hands.
I don't know.
Oh, yeah. One more thing.
The glitch, Parkadian, where we shot that one episode, they're doing a new laser disc showing night.
Each each week, it's a new it's a new flashback movie.
They're collaborating with flashback toys and collectibles down the street.
So starting June 3rd at seven, they're playing they're playing a movie.
And see the first movie was Beetlejuice.
And then the next week is Starship Troopers and the next one's Beverly Hills Cop.
And then the fourth week of every month will be voted on by participants of the last three weeks.
So they kind of they kind of took a page out of our book that we don't use anymore.
We ripped it out and use it to roll a joint.
Well, no, but they're but they're actually watching the movies.
Are they? And this is a live event that you go to and you watch them.
Yeah, you go you go to the glitch, Parkadian and watch the movie.
And Austin had an idea that we can sort of as like a keeping them as our as a sister organization,
like a friend of ours, that we can talk and we can do a by memory only mini review of the movies that they cover.
Right. You were thinking. So I think.
I think we're going to miss Beetlejuice. Yeah.
So we're still have to do Starship Troopers. Yeah.
So I guess I guess you can rewatch it by then or we would have to for this episode to come out like that same week.
We would just have to do it from memory right now. Oh, Starship Troopers. Yeah.
OK. And then next week we can do Beverly Hills Cop. All right.
Well, Starship Troopers, we'll just do it and we'll do many fast review like two minutes.
You guys ready? OK. Starship Troopers. I read the book by Robert Heinlein, who also did Stranger in Strangeland.
And it's going to be two minutes start. I read the book.
Good luck with your two minutes and the director did a timer and a buzzer for this.
No, for this segment, we should do it like a 90 second timer. You get 90 seconds and that's it. Like a buzzer.
What? What? What? Yeah.
Well, anyway, no, I read the book. I've seen the movie a dozen times.
I like I think there's there's definite, definite differences between the two.
But I'm a huge fan of the movie. I think it's great satire.
When I was a kid, it wasn't satire. When I was a kid, it just felt like a genuine action movie.
Tiddies then gore. That was my first reaction. Loved it. Love the graphics on the bug.
That's how you do cool bugs. They looked awesome.
Neil Patrick Harris, unsung hero in that movie. Super great.
I also liked the companion TV show Roughneck Troopers.
That was one of the earlier CGI shows that used to come on and it had a couple of seasons.
And it followed a different group of roughnecks as they went on.
But bugs and it came on so late that we had to tape instead of my friend and I just taping the whole episode and watching it
like when we got home, we would end up watching half and then taping the other half
and watching the other half when we got back and it was stupid.
We should have just done the whole thing. And I think we did that at least twice.
Anyway, that's my thoughts. I give it a B plus.
I like the bizarre world of it where veterans rule the world.
That was that's it.
Brendan. Yeah, I definitely like the beginning of the news stories.
Would you like to know more? More click here. That's great.
It's yeah. B plus. Definitely. Yeah.
Hey, Titties and Bug Juice. It doesn't get any better than that.
This is that movie that you put on any time you're cleaning house, doing whatever it can play in the background.
You go, you know, every scene I've seen this movie probably a hundred times. Yeah.
Best seen in the entire movie is put your hand on the wall and then he throws the knife into it.
So B plus. Yeah.
Second best part of the movie is when he takes his helmet off in the middle of that live fire drill and kills it.
And then the third best part of the movie is when he gets court martial prominent and then whipped.
And then the fourth best part is when they go to the alien planet and they start fighting all the aliens.
And I'd say the fifth best part is that shower scene.
That coed shower scene is probably the best part.
And then this is, well, no, I think I just maybe I shouldn't put them in order.
I'd say another of my favorite scenes about their football in the beginning when he does the flip over the guy.
Oh, that's super, that's super cool. Future football with no grass.
Just thinking about this movie makes me want to play Hell Divers 2 right now.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Or one of the new Starship Trooper video games that have come out recently that ones like an RTS, which isn't too bad.
It's a little more squad based than I typically like. I'm a more of an age of empires guy.
But but this is a case of a perfect movie. They should have never made any sequels.
Oh, yeah. No, the second one's OK.
That's the one where the bugs are. It's an STD where the people fuck the bugs into each other, which I like more titties.
The third one, I don't think I watched.
Then the fourth one, Casper Van Dyne comes back as what's his name?
Oh, my God. Rico Rico. It's not that they're bad.
It's just that the first one's perfect. And there's and just doesn't mean it.
There's a computer animated direct to DVD one that also has Casper Van Dyne as Rico.
And I think also the chick that died titties, the one from the first one, the Rizzo.
I think it's like an early maybe maybe like what they did during the war previous to her dying.
Maybe there's some on some missions we didn't see.
No disrespect to Storm Starship Troopers, but it did kind of do a thing that I liked that Ghost of Mars also did.
Where like it got you invested in all these characters and then just brutally murders all of them. Yeah.
I love that so much. I love when a movie kills someone that you are invested in.
Philadelphia. Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to stop naming AIDS movies. Sorry. Got a theme going.
Law abiding citizens, law abiding citizen. Although he was a he was a bad guy, which is the one where that you know what?
We can't do this. And that was and that was our shout out to Barcadiam Glitch Barcadiam and Lake Havasu City.
Check out their flashback movie nights. Follow their Instagram, follow their Facebook, follow our check them out.
Go just go there and have fun. You'll yeah. You'll have fun as soon as you walk in.
You'll run into Austin. Look for the homeless guy. The homeless. Hey, I got a haircut.
I cleaned up. Someone gave me 50 bucks, dude.
And with us as always is Michael Chelyos slapstick trying to kill him.
Hellspawn old bitch Larson. Have a good week.
With us as always is Brennan.
Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da shipley up to Boston. Have a good night, everybody.
With us as always is Austin. What will be? Oh, Austin sang for three and a half hours to all of the musicals that he listened to next week.
And he absolutely fell in love with it. He's got no show tunes on the brain.
He's got no show tunes on the brain. So we're going to have to get him to a funeral.
I think I'm just going to read the stranger book. And with us as always is me, your host, Andy Rice.
I don't normally typically do that. This has been a fried rice podcast.
We've been fried. We've been podcast.
We've been podcast.