**Music**
Yeah, go for it!
**Music**
Welcome to another Fuck You episode of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host Andy Rice.
Let's get fried with me.
As always, it's Michael.
He decided to spike his hair to make himself feel younger.
I'm guessing it's not doing the trick.
It's still gray.
It's still white, showing us that you're ever closer to, I guess, old age death.
But you know, yet you're still so far from me being able to kill you.
Larson!
You cannot kill me.
Hey, everybody.
With me, as always, is Brennan!
**Singing**
Shipley!
Ah!
to Boston!
Hello, everybody.
And with us, as always, is, without any religious connotation,
whatsoever, the most important man in the universe.
It's Zachary Sleeveless Improv Quality!
Fuck you.
You never do it.
You suck up in.
Not to end on an anti-climatic.
Anyway, this is Fried Rice.
Start smoking more stativa.
Why?
Oh, I was too low energy?
I was too low.
You're the opposite.
Yeah.
What's that?
That's how much I smoke weed.
What's that, too?
That was too low energy of an intro?
I gave it my all.
I'm done.
He's spent.
Yeah.
That's what it feels like to be your date, huh?
Good 30 seconds.
I would imagine what it would feel like to be my date would be charmed for a few hours.
Maybe like, oh, man, I could start to see something in this guy.
And then when my clothes come off and we start fucking, you're just like, oh, damn it.
Just what wasted fucking potential that was.
That's what I think it's most women feel in the work man.
It's just what a waste of fucking potential.
If I had a porn star body, you know, could just fuck for hours like just a jackhammer,
then I think I'd be doing well for myself.
But.
That's unrealistic.
It's unrealistic and it doesn't work.
No.
I can tell you since the meds, you don't want to fuck for hours like a jackhammer.
It's not a good deal.
Yeah.
But I mean, I don't feel like I ever had a sexual like.
Like high point.
I feel like it's all just been just downhill since I started.
Like figure out masturbation and then it's been downhill since.
Yeah.
It's like I figured that out when I was like 11 or 12 and I was just like, nah, fuck it.
I'm done.
Downhill from here.
Yeah.
Sucks.
First time it was like, ooh.
And then after that, the JCPenney models just didn't do it for me anymore.
Where was Krista now then, right?
Krista now, yeah.
Well, without.
God, I guess if you haven't watched the movie, then that's going to sound like someone specifically
that we know.
And it's not.
It's a porn star from the movie that we covered this week.
An entrepreneur.
Entrepreneur now.
Yeah.
But so let's get into how's everyone been.
Zach, we haven't seen you in a minute.
I mean, you're here every week because with us as always, but you haven't spoken up in
some time.
What have you been up to?
How's the family?
OK, you can't nod.
You have to talk.
You have to say words.
I've noticed your bed has moved.
And I find it like weird.
A little unsettling.
What?
Does it not look better this way?
Now you're sleeping with the TV lock in your dungeon.
It looks more normal this way.
I don't know if it's better.
It's just more normal.
Yeah, I mean, you guys really made me think that I had a fucking murder room.
So you had to get a bed into it?
I could sleep with my victims.
Although I put Randy in there.
My puppet.
In the bed?
No, he's in the corner, but I haven't.
He's got his legs.
Anybody got a shovel for you?
He's got his legs folded in there, propped up like he's taking a nap.
It's kind of adorable.
I'm glad instead of being in the corner like he's being punished.
Now it looks like he's taking a little...
Now it looks like he's just relaxing.
He's just relaxing, which is a lot better.
I was actually told this last comedy show that we did that I need to retire Randy Ice
for a while.
Anthony doesn't want to see him anymore.
Because this last show that we did was at a bar.
I told you it was at a bar.
And this fucking bar had six or seven TVs that were on behind us the whole time.
Just different channels.
So the sports games on every...
The most distracting scenario you could possibly think of.
So everyone was just loudly drinking, loudly having conversations.
The amount of people actually paying attention besides this one drunk heckler guy.
It was just few and far in between.
So I know that Sean lost his fucking cool and he ended up trying to fight some dude
after a set.
I told you about that bar before you went.
It was sad.
So I brought out Randy and...do you want a bottle of water?
No, you're good.
You got coffee.
But yeah, no.
So I brought out Randy and I tried everything.
I tried heckling some dudes.
And maybe two or three people were getting it.
And it just fucking sucked.
So I feel like Anthony taking that as an opportunity to tell me to retire Randy is a little out
of...come on.
It wasn't his best night.
It wasn't my best night.
It wasn't anyone's best night.
It could have been anybody's best night.
Right.
It was like you should pull him out and just do like a William Montgomery.
Ain't never gonna stop.
Yeah.
You should just bring him tonight.
Just bring him tonight.
Just fuck with him.
You just set him on the stage.
Host?
You set him on the stage the whole time.
I'll host...Randy will host the show.
I don't want to have anything to do with it.
I'll do a set.
That'd be a big fuck to you to Anthony.
It would.
That'd be hilarious.
I mean it would be funny.
Oh man, it would be great.
That might be dead.
It is.
I don't know if I could do a whole night as fucking Randy dude.
Sure.
Well it's like short two minute segments.
Yeah.
God, it would be funny though if I showed up and then Randy hosted the show.
I think you should do like pretend like you're going to just to fuck with him.
I think it'd be funny.
Look at his face and then go I'm just fucking with you.
I could bring Randy up for a set of his own since it looks like Ryan and Chelsea dropped
out.
Really?
Yeah.
I mean I could technically give him a set.
Let me think about it.
How many people are performing tonight?
Well maybe, oh we got a new guy and so like a good five or six with like a new dude who's
only got four minutes so I think we're testing him out.
Technically that last one was an open mic and I...
I was sick so I couldn't go.
It was an open mic after but in that bar that's why I didn't go.
I was like there's no way I can do my stuff in there.
One dude did a set and I didn't even catch it because there was so much going on with
Sean trying to fight some dude and all this stuff so I was like oh shit.
That's where I didn't go.
I know that bar.
Yeah.
Up the street on top of the hill.
Who?
Cocktails.
That's where you...
Yeah.
I was trying not to say it but yes.
No we didn't go to Cocktails.
All that last week was Cocktails.
No.
I think it's even further that it's Hooch's which is past...
Hooch's.
Okay.
Hooch's yeah.
It's still on that side of the street but it's past Cocktails.
Yeah.
I don't...
Yeah.
Look.
I think if they did a Cocktails venue it would do decent because they have like...
They have a...
As long as you get out there early enough yes but if you pay attention to Cocktails at 1
AM every morning it's full of cops.
Every morning.
Not anymore.
Not anymore?
No.
It's changed.
It's an old person's bar now.
I guess all those people aged out.
That's what I...
I've been here 25 years.
Yeah.
I've been to Canada.
It was insane.
It used to be the Wild Pineapple Bar when I was a kid.
Yeah.
That's what they called it?
Pineapple Bar.
Well Pineapple's an expression.
Was it a Swinger's Club?
Not like a...
Not a club.
A meet up place or whatever?
Yeah.
That's what my parents told me though.
Like yeah.
He's like you're going to Cocktails.
Like what's wrong with that?
They're like well in the late early 90s this is what was happening there.
Your parents told you about this?
Yeah.
Did they?
No.
They did.
Well how'd they know?
Well my dad's fucking everywhere.
That's what we're talking about.
That's what we're saying.
Your mom was too.
My dad's fucking everywhere.
They were in on it together and they were in on the fucking Cocktails together all the
time.
He was cocks to his tails.
No.
My dad would've punched somebody.
Or has.
That's why he's not allowed at certain bars around town.
Oh shit.
Let's get more into that.
Let's get more into how your dad is not allowed in the bars around town.
My dad's a violent guy?
Jesus Christ.
What has he done?
So Willow Valley, he broke the jukebox with someone's head.
Oh shit.
He tells the story a lot better.
It was a few of them that kept closed and then reopened as new ownerships.
He probably can go back to those ones.
Sure.
I don't remember what their names were at the time because it was all when I was a child.
He hasn't been violent lately?
Well he likes 20% of his heart that pumps blood.
He's worse than him.
It'd be like if I wanted to get in a fight I just wouldn't do it because I didn't want
to die.
My dad has came home bleeding and I'm like what the fuck happened?
And my mom's like you got in a fight?
I'm like Jesus Christ dad.
What are you doing?
My mom's like did you lose?
And my mom goes no.
Fuck yeah.
You know who I found out can kick fucking ass this week is Robert.
The big guy that's Anthony's friend.
Oh really?
He's going to be on our show this next week.
So future guest.
But he's huge right?
He's like 6'7", 6'8".
And he's wide dude.
He's strong.
And he was telling me that they were at In-N-Out with his wife who's a younger and way smaller
Filipino woman.
And they're at In-N-Out and some dude says the thing.
He says go back to your country.
To her.
And he says the fucking, actually says the words to her because he failed to hit on her
and she says no my husband's in the bathroom and I'm not interested.
And he's like go back to your country whatever.
Dude he comes out, Robert, and he fucking just smashes this dude into a table like head first
and just destroys this guy.
And the cops came in and he didn't get in any trouble for it.
If you got a decent cop you're not going to get in trouble for it.
Yeah.
I can't believe we're not past those days in society.
We're nowhere close to past.
No we're not even close anymore.
I thought we were getting close and now we're going the other way.
It's ramping up in certain ways.
That's why I'm excited to see that A24 Civil War movie.
I just want to see what their take on this whole fucking thing is.
It's going to be like the new, like if there's a Civil War, which I mean fuck, I guess we're
as close as we've ever been to a Civil War other than the Civil War.
Right.
Now, but like, and this movie, the way that it's structured with the whole like.
This movie has that.
It almost has a vibe of Civil War even though it's World War III.
Like it almost, it feels more Civil War.
Well part of it is, if you notice at the beginning they separate the states, you get across the
state lines, it kind of is a little bit.
Well we'll get into this because this is a fascinating movie.
I really hope you at home watched it before listening to this because I know it's a long movie.
And it's going to get deep.
It's by the guy that, well okay we'll get into it.
Let's do, what are we smoking?
I packed a bowl of Kush waffles and purple syrup.
So waffles and syrup.
Was that the first one?
Yeah.
I think so.
Yeah.
And it's a solventless hash infused Smalls hybrid.
And these are on fucking Hella Cell.
This is a seven gram bag and I got it for $20 at Marvin's.
What?
It sounds like hash.
It's hash.
Fuck it.
It's dope though.
It's seven grams.
Yeah that's not right.
That's a good crush yeah.
And they were doing ten gram full, or ten dollar full, full gram carts of these pretty
decent brands.
So I stocked up.
And, sorry again Zach, but I got you and Mike Clearman's.
Oh hell yeah.
Thank you.
I got Austin one too.
Okay.
Sorry Zach I didn't know you were going to talk today.
Beer.
Oh Austin gets one?
He's not even.
Well yeah but he is active.
He's missed one.
This is like, he literally, he felt, I could see how sad he felt in the message too.
He's like for the first time in my history on the show I'm missing out on missing episodes.
That's how it starts.
And then I saw you guys, you and Ryan are just like that's just the beginning.
Yeah.
It's very upsetting.
You missed one here, one there, and then you're fucking Ryan.
What was the last time you saw him?
What's the worst thing about having to watch this movie?
I don't know what his grade was because I haven't read it.
I didn't read his review.
He's got stuff that says.
I wanted to watch the movie.
Yeah.
He did send in a review.
We will get into it.
Yeah.
Just call him, put your phone on speaker.
Have him.
Maybe I will.
That's a good idea.
Well, oh and then, Brandon what did you bring?
I brought, we've been buying Los Angeles Kush brand lately.
This is a small nug canvas flower.
It is strawberry blondie.
It's a hybrid, Indica dominant hybrid.
Oh yeah.
And Zach, you brought, they're not, they're not in the movie.
They're not in the movie.
They're in the movie.
They're like those kids cigarettes that you used to get as a, well the cigarettes, those
fake little candy cigarettes they stopped-
That I used to get as a kid.
Yeah.
They stopped selling them because of the negative input.
But I'm so glad they changed it to joints.
I was like, they still have them.
Yeah they changed it to joints.
But you can't buy them on an ice cream truck anymore.
They don't have the ones where you can like fake inhale and stuff.
They don't have the ones where you can fake inhale.
Yeah, they don't have those.
They have the ones that look like that.
Why not?
Those are the coolest ones.
Now, hold on.
Was it that you inhaled or was there just powder on it
so that when you blew on it, it looked like smoke came off?
You were like, you know.
And even though were you just blowing off
the good powdered sugar part?
I don't know.
What a stupid way to eat candy.
We had a bunch of fun candy when we were kids.
Oh, god.
I remember Raven's Revenge, which
was a tube of powder that came in a bunch of different.
I've looked this up and I've tried to find it.
Is it like a different colored powder?
Yes, it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's exactly what it is.
Raven's Revenge.
Isn't that just the same thing that you
stick a marshmallow stick down?
No, no.
No, it's these, dude.
Raven's Revenge.
Come on.
These don't ring a bell?
Just sugar, huh?
It's pure sugar.
Well, but it's, no, some of them were sour.
When I was growing up.
They might have been.
Pixie sticks.
Yeah, they're basically, that's what it is.
It's a pixie stick that's in a tube,
and there's a lot more of it.
And it's a way better delivery service.
If you like vintage candy, I just saw it.
It's called Jack's Candy.
OK, how do you spell it?
Just regular Jack's?
I guess they do like vintage, like bulk candy.
You can buy.
I just saw an advertisement.
Yeah, I grew up on Mexican candy.
So like.
Yeah, let's go.
What are some old.
You can do retro.
Or you can look up just retro.
You think I can?
Yeah.
I'm sure you can.
Let's look up retro candy.
Yeah, I suggest retro candy.
Hell yeah.
All right, retro.
And then I'll have like a bunch of.
Oh, hell yeah, candy cigarettes.
Bubble gum cigarettes.
You had old bubble gums?
Old cup of golds.
That's like the classic.
No, but that's the classic wrapping, I think.
I think that might be some of this is the.
Oh, clothes.
Clothes.
Clothes gum, dude.
Whoppers are.
Whoppers are an old.
It's an old candy.
I think.
Black Jack, that's the one that makes you like.
That's the black gum.
I like sugar daddies, but you can get those.
You can get those.
You can get no guns.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, they have a bunch of different like crazy.
There's international.
Oh, shit, you can pick your brand?
No.
Look, you got Lucky Lights.
Oh, Kays.
You know those Kays, the boxes look like.
Yeah, they look like regular ones.
Are these edible?
Yeah.
It's just like the joints.
They're marshmallows, basically.
No, but I mean, OK, so these are modern.
No, those are the.
Those are the.
What I'm saying is, are they selling me something from the 80s here?
Or am I?
And I'm not supposed to eat.
Is this a health warning?
Don't eat this shit.
It's a heat warning.
I think their new product are like.
They're old packaging.
Yeah, old packaging.
There's international, too.
I haven't like.
I've never had these, but these look old as fuck.
Howards or Chowers.
They're squares.
Chowers Violet.
They're mint.
I'm going to say C. Howard Violet Mints.
Yeah.
Wait, OK.
No, you can't.
There's a space between.
You can't say I think that's C.
Howards when they're connected to each other, when it definitely says Chowers.
Well, you're talking about up there.
Up there, it says C. Howards.
It says C. Howards.
What the fuck?
I'm looking at this.
Yeah.
I'm looking here at their spelled out logo that says Chowers.
It's just they took the C and made it go under the whole other word.
That's retarded.
It just says Chowers Violet, and I was totally sold.
Let's look at the international.
Let's see what's on that.
OK.
But I kind of want to order some Chowers Spearmints and some Chowers Lemon.
Yeah.
Dude, I'm going to get some Chowers.
Just you wait.
Let's go.
Oh, German.
I'm German.
I know Haribo Gummy Bears.
That's definitely them.
It's all Haribo.
Look at that.
Yeah.
It's all gummies.
It's like, hey, this is the German company.
Buy some Haribo.
Japanese candy.
Oh, wait.
Let's see.
Japanese are wild.
Kit Kats.
And it's going to be different flavored Kit Kats.
Kit Kats?
Has to be.
Hi-Chews?
Oh, it doesn't even have Hi-Chews.
Oh, they have Pocky.
It's got Pocky and Hi-Chews.
Bro, you go to Amazon and look up Japanese candy,
and you'll get way better than this.
Mexican, Spanish.
Yeah, I don't know the difference between Spanish.
Oh, Vidal, pineapple rings.
That's because it's just dried fruit, I think.
Spicy mango gummy filled.
Ooh.
That looks decent.
Look, hey, there's those things they like.
What?
Fina Palaroos?
Sort of.
Those are more, I think, sprays.
I'll just joke.
Yeah, I'll just joke.
Just because it was like too white.
Sure.
No, but remember the, they had the ones.
They had, God, OK, this is.
Yeah, they had sprays.
Gummy chicken feet.
Does anyone remember from the ice cream man, gummy chicken
feet, holy shit.
Introduce your child to the idea of chicken feet.
But does anyone remember from the ice cream truck those,
and I don't even know what they were for,
and to this day I still don't know,
but it was a tiny little paper, almost like a Parmesan cheese
packets amount of Sprite, like a Sprite powder.
It said Sprite on it.
You open it up.
But then when you ate it, it didn't taste like, it was sour,
and it was like not good.
I think it was like beer salt type, like now.
It's kind of like what people eat.
OK.
I know what you're talking about.
How about you?
They were like, who gets candies?
They don't have an ice cream guy where I grew up.
Because they would sell them with like the chili powder
and stuff like that.
You'd mix it with it.
They were just to make stuff salty.
You put on lemon or whatever.
You think it was supposed to go in like a,
I sure wasn't just like a lemon lime Sprite remix packet.
Oh, yeah.
I think it was that.
You put that in water.
I think it was 7 Up.
Sprite?
I'm sure it wasn't like a.
Oh, you mixed it in a Sprite.
No, that's not what they looked at.
No, I'm sure it wasn't just like a lemon lime.
Yeah, but I think it had like a 7 Up logo on it.
I think it was 7 Up or Sprite.
Yeah, was it 7 Up?
I think it was 7 Up.
It was 7 Up.
Maybe that's why I'm not pulling anything up.
7 Up yours?
7 Up powder packs, ice cream truck, 90s.
We'll find these, dude.
Come on.
Remember the 7 Up commercial where it was 7 Up yours?
I think maybe take ice cream truck.
Just do 7 Up powder packs.
Yeah, I'll take ice cream truck out.
Yeah, yeah.
That's just my brain.
That's just your guy.
My guy.
You guys are hustling.
I was just hustling, man.
Was it those?
It was probably those powder packs.
7 Up single powder packs.
No, no, no.
They were like little squares.
They were square.
They weren't like, that's why I didn't initially.
And besides, water bottles weren't huge back then.
Remember drinking water out of water bottles was like?
Bougie.
Yeah.
Bougie?
And then it didn't become?
I'm pretty sure they still sell those,
but they change them to like a little plastic tube.
And it's beer salt.
Like you go to the liquor castle and you'll see it.
OK.
Well, case salt.
So it was salt.
Yeah, basically salt.
But lending lime salt, but by 7 Up.
And for kids at the ice cream, why would I need that?
I think he played a prank on you.
I think that's what it was.
No, he never charged me.
Yeah, that's exactly.
He charged for you?
I would get a fart bomb.
I'd get cats for my cap gun.
I'd get.
It probably was salt lime.
It was just salt lime.
And then he would give me a free 7 Up fucking salt lime pack.
Great.
Thanks, dude.
Whoever you are.
He's like, hey, you dumb fuck.
Let me watch you.
You'll eat any goddamn thing.
That's probably what it was.
So same as Brandon.
Just two different dudes in two different parts.
Same dude.
We both lived in California.
It probably was.
It just started in my neighborhood
and ended up down in Corona.
I got it with the Lucas powder.
It came with that as well.
So it was like kind of like you'd mix it with the Lucas powder.
It probably was just lime salt.
It's probably lime salt.
But it was in a 7 Up bag.
It was probably in a green bag that had a lime on there.
That had like, it looked like the 7 Up one.
You got to back me up that the 7 Up was a 7 Up bag.
Look up lime salt.
It's like bubbles on a green.
It's a blue sc.
So in our child's minds, it's 7 Up.
Your brain's not remembering that.
I'm sure.
Look up lime salt packet from the 90s.
Look up lime salt, yeah.
Or lemon lime salt or lime salt.
All right, all right.
Something like that.
And that's going to be it.
Salt.
Packet.
Somebody searched for that before.
1990s.
Oh, I don't know if they care.
It's right there.
Right there it is.
Limone.
And it has a 7 on it.
It's called Limone 7.
It's what makes you think it's 7 Up.
See, it's not 7 Up.
That's 100%.
Yeah, I'm not going to lie.
Salt and lemon powder.
Lime salt packets in middle school in the 90s.
All right, hey, we figured it out.
Childhood confirmed.
Salt and lemon powder.
So this is, it says salt and lemon powder.
Polar is salty.
They still like those.
They sell them at the.
Yeah.
Super Lucas was the best.
This really brought out the flavor.
OK, the lead really brought out the flavor.
Immediately started salivating.
That's what you were saying earlier.
What the fuck is this?
Phenomines for children?
This and Lucas, good stuff.
We did Kool-Aid in the early 80s in high school.
So sour.
Who started this and why?
Good idea.
Well, I'll tell you who it was.
It was ice cream.
It was irresponsible ice cream in the 90s.
No, I'm sure all the kids were doing that.
Think about this.
From this is probably where all that super sour candy came from.
These kids are all eating this lime powder shit.
Like, oh, we could make candy that's like this.
Well, around here, they had like Lucas and all that stuff.
I know sour or hot.
I grew up with that.
Well, we figured this out.
I'm going to save this image.
It's going to be.
I could probably get you some.
No, I don't need it.
Next time I go to the Best Buy Market.
I don't need it.
I just.
No, no, we'll live with your childhood real quick.
We're good.
Thank you.
See if it tastes the same.
I think they're like a $0.10 now.
Instead of free.
Well, they were free when I did it.
I think he was just fucking with you.
I'm going from here to a children's program.
I probably can't walk in here.
No, you probably need to do more.
Yeah, you need more than I need.
I need more, but.
What children's program are you going to go watch?
Frozen.
Oh, the.
That's fun.
The grandson's doing that.
Middle school is a deal?
Middle school, yeah.
That's fun, though.
Yeah.
Is he.
And your kids in it?
My grandkids are in it.
Both of them?
No, just one.
Just Peyton.
So he's doing track.
So I got to go next weekend.
I get to fund two trips to Kingman weekend.
This is in Kingman?
Yeah.
Well, good luck to them.
Break a leg.
Yeah.
I was driving home from California today,
and I noticed on two different big rigs
on the back of the trailer.
So at one of them, I'm driving, and on the right door
in the very top right hand corner,
there's a big poster, I would say,
of a Mexican luchador guy, just shirtless, wearing the mask,
just whatever.
And it says underneath, Victor something
Saches, or Sanchez, or whatever.
And it's just a picture.
And I was like, OK, interesting.
And as I'm driving again, I see another big rig.
And on the back of that one, in the same exact spot,
it said the words, never forget, never surrender.
And it was a picture of an Indian guy from India
wearing a turban, so like Hindi.
And he has his cell phone out, and he's
doing a little pose, looking out.
So I don't know what the f-
I think what's starting to happen is that these are truck
selfies, the drivers of these trucks
are taking pictures of themselves
and posting them on the back of their trucks.
And it's insane.
That is insane.
It's crazy.
But wait a minute, if you had a truck,
think about it, if you were a truck driver,
you could put like a Star Wars post on the back.
It like f-ing didn't like it.
Never surrender with a selfie, though.
Well, to be honest with you, most of the truck drivers
usually is the truck, not the trailer.
They don't own the trailer.
So then that's even worse.
Is the trailer owner putting his picture on there?
Probably.
Maybe.
It could be a thing.
It's not the driver.
The trailer could be like a don't text and drive
or don't selfie and drive thing.
I was never closer to crashing than we've
been trying to read this f-ing text on this goddamn Indian
dudes trailer.
It's like I always wondered about that bumper sticker.
It says, don't follow so close where you can read this.
I had to get f-ing closer to read it.
Exactly.
I had to get closer, sons of bitches.
Yeah.
I'm curious.
Yeah.
And that's exactly what it was.
I'm like, I'm drifting into his lane
a little bit to just see the back of the f-ing truck.
He's causing accidents.
Yeah.
Like a safety.
Never forget.
Never surrender.
It's like I'm just thinking of that as I'm dying.
In the f-ing street.
This is like this random shit out of this movie
we just watched.
Randomly, on a mirror in a car, it literally says in text,
objects are exactly as large as they appear.
Yeah.
That was my last note.
My last note was on that.
Best car commercial of all time.
Yeah.
That's what's going on.
I've got to get it coming soon.
Zach didn't watch the movie.
But the.
Oh, god.
We play the commercial live.
That's short enough, isn't it?
Yeah.
I guess we'll take our first commercial break.
Yeah.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
And we're back.
Yeah, I'm just confused by.
Commercial out of context.
Is that how cars are made?
That is how cars are made.
I felt like a child there that you're showing me
how to have sex with a child.
When a SUV and a mid-size sedan love each other very much.
They create a Mini Cooper.
When an electric hybrid car and a diesel truck.
I'm surprised they couldn't get Nissan or something
like that on there.
Yeah.
They couldn't get advertised.
They're like, hey, Nissan.
The new Kia Forte.
It's just fucking the shit out of them.
All new electric car with a tailpipe.
Yeah, Tesla.
It's just a slithering metal dick falling out of it.
A test pipe, for your pleasure.
Yeah.
Yeah, you see one of the cars that
don't have an engine in the front.
Corvette.
Corvettes don't have an engine in the front.
Tesla.
Yeah, you can see one of them just popping the hood open
and taking a load.
Yeah.
Dude, this movie.
OK, well, let's get into it.
It's not about the movie.
This movie is getting weirder the more you show me.
Yeah.
I didn't get to watch it.
Yeah.
It's definitely weird.
The more you show me, the more I go, is this the same movie?
That looked like an English movie.
Oh, yeah.
It's just a commercial in the movie.
That's a commercial movie.
It's not related to the movie at all.
Yeah.
But it's a commercial in poor taste.
When they cut away from that, the people in the room,
if you look at the extras faces, they're like, what the fuck
was that?
But if you look at the guy who created it, he's like, huh?
What do you think?
That's pretty cool, huh?
Because the whole, you know what?
Let's get into the fucking movie,
because I guess we really want to talk about it.
The movie was my pick.
It's 2006 Southland Tales, written and directed
by Richard Kelly, who did Donnie Darko.
That's, I think, important to know up front.
If you've seen Donnie Darko, you know that as a movie,
you need to watch a couple of times to really get it.
And I don't say that about a lot of movies.
Some people say Napoleon Dynamite's a movie
you need to watch twice to think it's funny.
That's one I kind of agree with, because I saw it once
and I hated it.
And the second time I watched it, I was like, I get it.
It's a very funny movie.
But I think if you think that you liked it your first time,
if it was good the first time, fuck it, right?
This is not a movie that I think you can fully enjoy
your first time through, although I did,
because when I rented it as a kid,
when I was a teenager, 2006, like I was 20 probably,
I rented it from Blockbuster.
And I remember it's always stuck out of my head.
And I didn't even know it was by the guy
that did Donnie Darko.
I just remember liking it.
Like, what a crazy movie.
But by the same token, what's weird about that,
when this movie came out, I can't not believe
that I had not seen it or heard anything about it
or anything, because something happened.
No one ever knows about it.
I say it to everybody.
Oh, Southland Tells, you ever see that one?
Post-Nuclear America.
And they're just like, no, who's in it?
Oh, The Rock, Sean William Scott, Sarah Michelle Geller,
everybody, and everyone's like, Kevin Smith?
Yes, all the entire cast.
That's where I made it to.
Kevin Smith, the makeup was just insane.
Now, before we get into it,
let's do a couple things up top.
For one, there are two cuts of the movie.
There is the Con Festival cut, which is different.
And it looks like it's about 10 minutes longer.
And there's the theatrical cut.
The one that you watched would have been the theatrical cut.
And if it even was theatrical,
I mean, I think it has short theatrical run.
And you saw that run too.
The Con cut, I was watching differences in.
And I think he made better choices in the theatrical cut.
Like, so what I'm saying is there are some differences.
I'm gonna point them out as we go through,
if I can remember them.
And then secondly is there's three full length comic books
that are prequels to this movie.
They are Greek.
Andy told us after we watched the movie.
I didn't even tell him.
I sent him a link to read them, but you were already,
I knew you were gonna get home
and not even be able to finish the movie.
But there are three prequel comic books.
Full length, I read them all this time
before watching the movie,
because I'd already seen the movie.
So I knew, like, I wanted to see
what the difference would be.
And holy shit, do the comics make a difference?
I would recommend if you haven't seen the movie,
even though I just said please, for the love of God,
watch this movie before listening to this,
read those comic books.
Find them online somewhere or buy them or whatever,
but read those comics, because it covers the entire,
I mean, it covers from Boxer Senteros
before he has any tattoos.
Like, you see him get injected with liquid carbon
for the first time.
You see him get taken in by Christa now.
They then give him one tattoo of every religion
in the world, including like the star David
around his navel.
He had the Jesus on his back.
He had the Caral.
That all happens in the comics.
He didn't have that before.
No, exactly.
The Boxer, so when he showed up with Mandy Moore,
like he shouldn't have had,
like when he met up with his wife.
Mandy Moore, I don't know which is, anyway.
Yeah, yeah, Mandy Moore's also, but yeah.
When he shows up with his wife again later,
she should have been more surprised
to see the tattoos, maybe.
Yeah.
But that was also a whole weird,
like for her scene anyway.
Right.
So, so wait, were those prequels done?
Did the movie come out and they went,
oh fuck, no one understands.
He released the-
You gotta go back and write them?
He released the prequels.
Or were they done before the movie?
He planned for this to be, I believe,
like a nine part interactive experience
with comic books starting it off,
a movie in the middle covering the next three chapters,
and then I think like a live, in-person thing
that you go do for the last one.
Sure, kinda like the Kenneth Smith thing, right?
Or maybe even a video game.
Okay, so-
But whatever the last part would have been,
we didn't get.
But did they come out before the movie?
Is my question.
Or did it-
Oh God, I think so.
Was it, I made this crazy movie, nobody understands,
let me make-
No, no, no, no, no, no.
They were, okay, the comics were planned, for sure.
Well, not planned.
No, no, no, no, what I'm saying is they came out
simultaneously, I just don't know if they came out first.
Hang on, let's find out.
I found some interesting facts about the cast.
Oh yeah.
Oh, the cast is insane.
The original person to play for Will Sasse's character,
do you know who that is?
Or was supposed to be originally?
No.
Hardy Lane.
Wow.
And then the original person that plays Vaughn Smallhouse,
that was gonna be Rick Moranis.
But he could not-
Oh, there he is right there.
He could not talk him out of retirement.
For which, wait, for which character?
Vaughn Smallhouse, with John Loraric, his character.
Oh, I'd have to see a picture.
But to answer the question
that's on everyone's minds right now.
Yes, this guy was there.
Oh, okay, interesting.
I liked him in this though.
So the movie released November 6, 2007.
These all came out before.
2006, hey, it says it was planned to be nine parts originally.
That's what I'm saying, yeah.
First six parts were supposed to be grabbed.
What was the last?
Oh, okay.
No, no, it was the first six.
So it was gonna be the last three.
The movie was the final part of it, yeah.
No, no, the last three would have been.
No, it says that, read the whole thing.
With the first six parts published in 6-100 price,
graphic knowledge that would be released in a six month.
So one a month was supposed to come out for six months.
So he just pushed it all into.
And then he just made the three
because he couldn't do it all at the same time.
So this would have been nine parts.
He made it six.
I bet a lot of, he just cut it down
to put it all into these three parts.
But they, so they all came out prior to the movie coming out.
Yes.
And they are like required viewing.
So this is like, this is almost a project
that you can't approach without coming at it
from every angle.
And. Right, which kind of makes it,
that's part of the. So like.
First joining this up is that you don't know.
Yeah, that's why it got a negative,
it's got negative response.
It's got negative reception at con.
It got like.
Because they watched it without reading it.
Without the comics.
But if you read the comics,
it really, really ties shit together.
It makes it a storm.
There's so many things that like, you wouldn't know.
I'm sure it probably explains the whole Fallujah incident.
Yeah, okay, so the Fallujah incident for instance.
I'll tell you what that is.
So Sean William Scott and Justin Timberlake,
Pilot Abelene and Roland, Ronald,
they were in their bunks in the army, right?
And he's reading a book
and they have this talk about poetry together.
And who's your favorite poet?
Who's your favorite?
They finish up a poem together,
like each other's kind of sentence, whatever,
instantly become best friends.
And they go throughout the rest of the war.
They're talking to each other.
Pilot turns to him and he said,
he asks Sean William Scott, have you killed anyone yet?
He says no.
And he says, have you?
And he goes, I've killed five.
And like you could see he's not,
he's sort of proud of it, not really proud of it.
And then they hear that some dude got to go home
because he signed up for an experiment.
And the guy that gets the, and that's a whole thing.
But so they sign up, they beg basically,
Kevin Smith's character, I think.
If they can.
He's different then, he's not all like.
No, no, I think he's the same dude.
But they beg him to let him in the,
they beg him like let us in this program
so we can maybe go home.
And he does eventually.
I think they gamble for it or whatever.
So they start injecting liquid carbon into their neck
and it gives them powers.
So they have like low grade telepathy with each other
on the battlefield and all sorts of stuff,
but it also fucks with them.
So Sean William Scott's character
accidentally throws a grenade and kills Pilot Abelene
from his perspective.
He doesn't know that Pilot made it out and survived.
That's why at the very end of the movie,
the last line other than pimps don't commit suicide
is one of the last lines is Pilot goes,
that's Roland Tavernakut, it's like my best friend.
Because they really were.
And he can't, so Roland couldn't forgive himself.
That's one of the last moments too.
He says I forgive you.
It's like friendly fire, but I forgive you.
It's friendly fire.
Was that supposed to be Justin Timberlake
feeling it because they're still telepathic?
Yes, that's what it was when he said that
in the movie you see them.
So that makes a lot of sense.
So they have low grade.
That has a lot to their, where it's cutting back and forth
between the two of them and one is knowing
what's happening to the other one at the end of the movie.
Without that context, that makes no sense.
So they have low grade telepathy with each other.
And they keep bleeding.
And the thing is they keep doing the liquid karma,
is the point is like both of them.
Timberlake's still doing it in the movie.
Timberlake's doing it himself and selling it.
And then they're doing it to Roland's character
against his will, both of him.
So The Rock, he, now I, in the beginning
you don't know time travel.
You don't know that there's a jump.
So even from my perspective that was a-
It's only a 67 hour jump though.
Sure, but from my perspective,
from watching this the second time,
because I forgot that little twist,
is like reading the comics doesn't give you
that information that he woke up from a time travel.
So he wakes up in the desert,
gets picked up by Will Sasso's character.
He takes him to Krista now.
They're prepping him for the apocalypse
using his amnesia to help get her script off the ground.
Now here's the thing, Krista now was on an airplane.
This airplane experience, it went through
I think the liquid karma cloud.
And everyone on board, including the pilots
and the stewardess, everyone got complete amnesia.
And then woke up like on the plane,
the pilots had to be assisted down by like the CIA.
They were calling like, maybe we don't know what the,
we don't know how to fucking land this plane.
Who are we, right?
Krista now is the only one that remembers what happens.
And because of that, because of that,
she gets a version of precognition.
She can see the future.
So she, in that state, they read her revelations.
They feed her like an AI revelations from the Bible.
She then puts out a script that is stars.
And this is crazy enough, stars the kid at the end
who blows up that.
Yeah.
So he's the star of this script where it follows a baby.
Okay.
And now here, so.
The movie has its own.
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.
This is, maybe this is why I love it.
It's so good.
Sorry if I'm boring you guys, but.
I didn't, and it kind of has the rock doing.
Twiddly fingers, yeah.
This movie, this is the first movie where he drops
the rock and his billing.
Yeah.
Is it really, Dwayne Johnson?
So it's just Dwayne Johnson.
Oh yeah.
He's not known as the rock in this.
Oh yeah.
And then he, I'm trying to figure out
when he brings it back.
I think it's the same reason.
I love that you're doing side research
because you didn't see the movies.
This is perfect.
I figured that all of the movie was,
originally this could have been a pretty big box office
had people know the backstory first of all.
But second of all, my wife wondered
if Justin Timberlake's agent maybe paid somebody off
to never show a television commercial or whatever because.
No, dude, I think, no, no, I watched this.
I think Justin Timberlake fucking killed it.
And I think he's proud of this movie.
How would he not be proud of this movie?
And he only filmed it in one area.
You're gonna find.
He did all his parts in one day?
Fuck yeah.
Oh.
I didn't find.
His narration in the beginning though.
No, I didn't, there's a lot of things
about his character that were.
You didn't like his narration?
Not in the beginning, no.
It was too like, too either like seductive
or put me to sleep.
Oh.
And just because you could tell it was Justin Timberlake.
That's the problem.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he tried that fucking drawl though.
And it was bad.
Yeah.
It was very bad.
His southern accent was so bad.
Wait, but he is southern.
Isn't he?
No.
Didn't him and Britney Spears grow up in the same area?
Is that why they were together?
They're both like southern, southern.
They're in the Mickey Mouse Club together.
Yeah, no.
Where did Justin Timberlake grow up?
I believe LA.
I never thought I'd Google Justin Timberlake.
What's up dog, where'd you grow up?
Memphis, Tennessee.
Come on.
He grew up, he went to Nebraska High School.
You're telling me he didn't have a believable kind of.
He did not in this movie.
Midwestern or southern twang.
Well more Midwestern maybe, yeah.
I remember him talking to Britney Spears
in some reality show and they both sounded,
I was like, oh they're both kind of southern.
Oh yeah, Britney Spears is from like Oco.
No, is she?
I don't know.
No, she's from like Texas or something.
So we get Kristen now survives this thing.
She gets precognition.
They basically read revelations to her
while she's kind of in a hypnotic trance of,
I think they even give her probably liquid karma
if we're being honest.
Okay man, this is all in the book.
This is all in the comics, yeah.
So then she writes a script.
Now in the comics itself, the characters at different points,
different characters, one in each book,
picks the script up and then it cuts to the script.
And for probably 20 pages, it's a long chunk of script.
So that's actually a big, it's a big kind of crazy thing.
And what's interesting and what explains a line that
doesn't, in this movie, and I can't even remember
if this is comic or movie at this point,
does Sean William Scott say he hasn't had a shit
or piss in six days?
Yes.
Okay, so in the script that she wrote,
the precognitive script, what happens is there's a baby born
and the baby hasn't shit or pissed
in six days since being born.
I didn't talk about that.
And every time it farts, the house starts rumbling
like an earthquake.
And Roland shows up and they take the baby,
and the baby starts rapidly growing up
and they learn that the baby's the,
either like the Antichrist or the savior or whatever,
they take it to a McDonald's, then that kid shows up,
the one that blows up the rock.
And I'm trying to remember, God, I know I just fucking
read this last night.
Trying to remember exactly what happens.
But ultimately that's not the plot
because it's like almost an interpretation
of what's happening.
Right.
So then we get the rock.
But then the first 10 minutes of this movie does sum up
a lot of the drama.
Sure, it just does it in like little flash.
Because you see the rock waking up,
even though the rock would have already been up.
By this point, he's already now in a relationship
with Krista.
Krista and Will Sassow's character sort of worked something
out.
It's weird because the description explains all that.
It's actually in the description about her taking him in,
but that's really not in the movie.
Doesn't show her taking him in,
but she definitely takes him in right when he has amnesia
and like starts like, oh, I love you.
It's just all like, it just happened.
In the movie, they kind of just cut all that out.
Yeah, that was his narration in the beginning.
Yeah, but it was the narration versus the,
versus showing it on screen, I'm saying.
So basically all that narration at the beginning
to set it up, they set up in those first three comic books.
But the baby part was,
I thought that was the rock's response to Sean William Scott
saying he has a shit, they're pissed.
Oh, he tells him about the script with the baby.
Yeah, he tells him.
Because he's supposed to be Jericho Cain.
Right.
And then another thing is right when they start
giving him liquid karma, and again,
Roland's character, Ronald's character
is getting liquid karma.
They both have a dream.
And in the dream, they are walking through
a maze-like structure that when you pan out from it
in the comics, it looks like the state of Texas,
the shape of it.
And when they get to the middle of it,
there's this like wall of water or whatever,
and they meet each other.
And he says, he says some black dude later.
So I think he's referring to the rock
as like some black dude.
I think that's what he meant when he,
but he says, but like he, they meet.
And so I think that's like part of it.
But then also you see in the comics
the whole neo-Marxist movement,
which you don't get a lot of.
Like slather, cut their thumbs off.
So it's 50,000 dollars to cut your thumb off.
And the reason they need thumbs is because
you can take a thumb and go and vote
a hundred thousand times with it.
Or like a thousand times.
Digits for dims, yeah.
Yeah, digits for dims.
And so one of the characters that you see,
you see a character missing a thumb.
His name is Bing Zinnerman.
That's what they, at least in the comics, they name him.
He, you see him get his thumb cut off in the comics.
You see him sign up for the cause, get his thumb cut off.
But you also see the one chick,
the crazy psycho one who beat up the armory guy
in a very silly scene, I'll give you that.
But that chick, she is telling Sean William Scott,
we're gonna need you to say the N-word.
Right.
And he's like, the N-word?
I don't wanna say the N-word.
They don't do that in the movie, do they?
So that's what I think they should have put in.
So she's telling him like, I need you to say the N-word.
We need Boxer Santeros to film you being a racist cop.
So we need you to say the N-word.
We need you to be racist.
And so he's like, I don't wanna do it.
To the racist cop?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
So that other cop.
The other cop, yeah, with John Lovitz, yeah.
But that's, John Lovitz.
The giant anarchy.
No, here's the thing.
John Lovitz character is an addition to the movie.
Not in the comics.
Okay, it wasn't in the comics.
So we only see the plan being built
from the Neo-Marxist point of view,
which is go be a racist, say the N-word cop
while Boxer Santeros films you.
And then when we kill them with the fake slips.
We're seeing the planning of it in the cop.
Yeah, you see the planning of it.
Because they talk about it all the time.
Because I'm watching this and I'm just like,
okay, I know he just drops the N-word.
I know why he's doing that.
And I guess it's apparent why he's doing it for the film.
Like they need you to be racist.
They say that, but like, yeah,
they say we need you to be a racist cop.
We need you to be like, you need to do this.
But they're talking to him,
not to the one that really does go do it.
It's a different character than I am.
So then John Lovitz comes in because he's,
which is, yeah, God, what a great.
That's just, that was, what a shocking, cool scene though.
That was like, you gotta tell me you did not expect
what he did when he killed them for real.
No, not at all.
I know you're right though.
When he shoots them.
Yeah.
And then the guy detonates, he's listening.
Yeah.
He detonates.
He thinks it's time to do it.
It's time to do it too.
Which is funny though,
because he would have seen, he could only hear.
He would have also fucked it up.
If you think about, if it was the fake gun,
he did it too late anyway as well.
So he would have shot and then it would have popped.
Because it would have never worked listening on a phone
and doing it would never work.
So stupid.
I just love them skating away.
Yeah.
And I'm like.
Oh, and she fucking runs his ass over, dude.
So this was a lot to even start talking about this movie.
But.
It's like a lot of shit happened.
A lot happened.
So maybe we were, we don't have to go blow by blow.
No.
Because that might be too much.
It's a two and a half hour long movie.
I really recommend you watch it.
I highly recommend you go to.
No, I would too now and I haven't even,
I have not read them yet,
but I'm gonna read them tonight.
I'm gonna give you,
I'm gonna give you guys the fucking inside scoop.
Go to getcomics.org.
Literally, G-E-T-C-O-M-I-C-S.org.
And it literally has pretty much every fucking comic book
in the world that you could just read online.
But I do recommend that you buy and support
comic book artists, especially,
I mean this is like such an independent thing.
But if you need to watch this movie
with the full understanding of what's going on.
Oh, I would find these on eBay.
If I'm thinking about trying to find this DVD.
Listen, I probably.
And get the three on eBay or whatever.
I'm probably gonna buy the.
And try to put it all together.
Cause I wanna do the experience of doing it all at once.
You know what I mean.
Absolutely, I want a physical copy of the books at least.
And since it is a difficult movie to find online.
Yeah.
Because it was on Tubi when I recommended it
and it immediately left.
But it's still on like, I paid three dollars.
Listen, it's the best three dollars I've spent.
I can tell you that on Amazon.
Okay.
It's on, yeah.
So yeah, let's get into it.
That was just us introducing the movie.
That's what this movie is.
This is one of the fucking, I hope a recording still.
Yeah, we are.
Okay.
All right.
So I'll give the synopsis.
Oh shit.
We are living in a post, it opens with Texas getting nuked.
The new Hiroshima, it's now World War III.
We're fighting a front on every terrorist like,
any country that you might mildly even right now
think could have terrorists in it.
This movie blatantly say, yeah, those are the countries.
And some of the states.
Yeah, and maybe some of the states.
The government has gone ultra patriot act.
Fuck you.
They've made something called US Army.
They've made something called US IDENT,
which is thumb prints are now your identity.
They control everything.
It's the Democrats and they are hardcore,
right I would say as far as their.
Wait, Frost isn't a Democrat.
No, no, no.
The president at the time of this movie is still Bush.
Is Bush, so it's probably.
Yeah, but the two parties now are both,
I don't know what they're,
they don't really even talk about what the Republicans are,
but the Democrats are trying to take your fucking thumbs.
No, oh, sorry.
The Democrats are trying to rig the election
by illegally voting with severed thumbs.
God, it's going to be hard not to be political in this.
Because the movie is very political.
But then the Republicans are trying to win California
for the first time since the 80s.
Even if they have to kill someone to do it.
Even if they have to kill anyone to do it.
I still don't understand what Prop 69 was.
Prop 69 I think was allowing liquid karma?
Wait.
It was something to do with liquid karma.
Wait, the commercials are very much stand out.
What was the little girl saying?
Something about like,
I don't want my parents to do this or something like that.
I lost my mom and dad in the war to the nukes.
I don't want to, what?
I don't want to lose anyone else or something like that.
Do you?
Yeah.
Vote no on 69.
And then the other guy's like, I'm not a pussy.
I'll fight for my...
Take guns too kind of thing.
The next thing they'll do, if I let them take this,
then the next thing they'll take is my guns.
So it's a moral panic about guns and individual rights.
Thank God that's not happening today.
I'm just saying thank God this is just back in 2008.
A fictional one at that.
And we're totally in a...
When they were doing the intro of that channel,
the 1069 channel and her show,
and she's talking about all the hot topics they're going to talk about.
Abortion. Teen hornyness.
War.
The only one that I thought was not relevant for today in general
was the transportation or teleportation or whatever.
Quantum teleportation.
Yeah, teleportation. That was the only one that wasn't like...
No, but actually I think we're...
I mean, they're trying.
We're still trying to get quantum teleportation.
That would be...
If we're going to get it, that's the way it's going to happen is quantum foam.
I want to do something really quick because my notes are just kind of random
through the movie, so I'm going to read them real quick.
All of them?
Yeah, it's just not that bad.
Get them out. Get them through.
Give us a little taste.
Come on.
The point of that was...
Add a little pepper to that salt here.
It's a little disjointed.
The movie is.
Yeah.
We're not knowing the stuff going in from the previous three comic books
that we should have spread, or graphic novels actually.
I did warn you.
Yes.
A little late.
Right after I watched the movie, you were warning me.
It's like...
But the movie itself.
So as you're going through it, I'm saying, when you're synopsizing it,
the movie doesn't flow like a normal movie.
I know, but right now I'm just setting up what the movie is,
and then we'll get into notes.
You can do all your notes, but just...
The basic thing is that that's the political landscape of it,
and then on the bottom...
Then we're following The Rock, a movie star with amnesia
who's been brought into a neo-Marxist plot against...
A lot of people are using him as a pawn, is what's happening.
Yes, on every side.
Everyone's talking at him, trying to use him for their own means.
He's kind of an innocent in this.
He's almost the only one that's innocent in this.
He doesn't really do anything that's mean or cruel.
I think in pushing Bae Lin down was...
Bae Lin down was funny after kissing her.
And she had it coming.
And she had it coming. She's a bad guy.
But other than that, I think he's a good guy.
Yes, he cheated on his wife, who's cheating on him.
Sort of.
And with amnesia, it's sketch.
Yeah, it's kind of sketchy.
So if you're at home and you've cheated on your significant other,
fuck you.
Amnesia's a good excuse.
But amnesia would maybe cover it.
And so he's got a porn star girlfriend right now
played by Sarah Michelle Geller in a phenomenal...
One of her best roles ever.
I mean, I'm a huge Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan,
in which she is Buffy.
So that might be my favorite role of her.
And cruel intentions.
That awoke me as a man, I think.
But she kills it in this.
I mean, she does kill it in this.
She's so believable as that character,
which is out of character for her,
but very believable.
Very played straight.
Let's get your notes.
They're just disjointed.
This is how Richard Kelly would have written your notes.
You would need comic books to understand where they're coming from.
Here's my first note.
I'm going to go in order, because these are just thoughts.
I watched the movie and wrote this as I was watching the movie.
What's with the midgets in the clean room?
Okay, wait, wait.
Can I interrupt?
Wait, no, if you're going to ask questions...
First off, I think that's showing California as super progressive.
The fact that they kept them segregated was what was the progressive part of it.
That was my point.
The midgets in the clean room, instead of being interspersed with the others,
they were all in one little corner.
All the midgets together.
Okay, real quick.
I'm going to address the tiny elephant in the room.
Okay.
I'm an old man.
I think that if you were to be a progressive company
that specifically hired little people as a way to be like,
hey, this is work that anyone who can operate a computer, a screen can do,
so why not open it up to disabled people that normally wouldn't or people with disabilities?
No, probably little people.
I understand that...
It's the grouping.
No, no, no.
Just hear me out, though.
There was a cop.
If you were...
There was a what?
There was a cop.
There's a cop.
There's the other bad guy character.
There's midgets everywhere in this movie.
There were little people.
My wife at one point goes, are we in Oz?
Just out of the blue, she was watching this movie.
She says, is this from the people that made Oz?
I know.
I mean, I get...
My theory is that if you were U.S. ident and you built an office that was accommodating
for all the people that you're hiring, I think economically it would make sense to make a
little person corner or a little person side.
If it might make sense to you economically, it's 100% illegal.
That would never happen.
No, I'm not talking about separate but equal or second...
Well, yeah, you are.
You are.
You built a corner for him.
I'm not talking about the corner.
Give him a fucking...
Give him the best corner.
I don't know.
Or put him in the middle.
I don't care.
I'm just saying what you can...
If you're building...
Just group them together.
That's what you're saying.
If you're building smaller...
Just group them together.
Just out of the list.
Segregate them.
It just would be easier if all the little desks went in one area.
Who would have thought this would make the most political episode of the movie?
Jesus.
We tackle issues like segregation.
Yeah.
The only thing that this movie didn't predict was the transgender agenda.
Oh, well, you say agenda.
Okay, we're not getting into it.
We're not.
I'm saying as far as that's an issue, that's an issue of today's society.
They didn't predict that, but they predicted everything else.
They predicted a lot of other issues.
They did predict a lot of things.
They did predict a lot.
And you say it's an issue, I would say it's...
Speaking of moral panics, I would say that's a big moral panic.
Moral panic just means people...
I mean topic of issue for political reasons.
I don't have a problem with it at all.
Like the one I saw today about they're putting all gender bathrooms in stores now.
And I'm like, dude, those have been there forever.
Somebody put that up.
They were complaining about it.
I'm like, dude, those have been there for at least 30 years.
They're called family bathrooms everywhere.
A chick that I dated, we used to smoke weed in the family bathroom at Disneyland.
That was the one that...
If you went to the one by Bugs Life, they have a perfect...
I think it's hidden behind all this mist from like...
Speaking of moral panics, most moral panics are just bullshit.
It's all just crap.
Yeah, a moral panic is when you take something and you say that the consequences of this existing,
of this culture change or this status quo change or this new medium or this new whatever.
Bathroom, whatever.
Like technology is a thing.
People think like, oh shit, here's...
You know that there was moral panics about jazz music?
There's one right now about this eclipse.
People are saying it's going to...
Really about the eclipse?
About the eclipse, yeah.
Oh my God.
It happened last night.
No, no, it's Monday.
There was a comment last night.
What are they saying?
It's going to kill us all?
That they're going to use it as a false flag and they're going to make things happen.
They say that every eclipse.
And the power's going to go out everywhere.
They say that every time.
It's all...
It's like, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's a good thing the government can never really track us except for our phones.
And our computers.
And our cars.
And now they're computer- Here's a podcast starring Andy.
I'll tell you all my inner thoughts.
Okay, so yes, I would say also if you had a little people on the police force, it would
be more economical to just build a smaller police car.
So just put a couple of them as partners.
I don't know.
Moving on.
Continue with your...
But if you're going to ask questions, you're going to get answers.
That was not one.
That was just one note.
That was one note.
Okay.
Justin's makeup sucked.
Just beyond from that.
But the scar was not good.
It was better down around the mouth.
The eye scar was really bad.
I think it looked fine.
Yeah, whatever.
And also, once again, give it credits.
An older movie.
$17 million.
But the eyeball later was great.
Okay.
Speaking of effects, yeah, the eyeball later was-
I thought the effects were very passable for this movie.
Yeah, for the budget, yeah.
There's a whole little person scientist.
There's midgets everywhere in the first five minutes of the movie.
Okay, again, tiny test tubes.
We've covered this.
Yeah, yeah.
Pilgrims ruin the American Indi-
Oh, the best line in this movie.
The pilgrims ruin the American Indian orgy of freedom.
Yeah, that's a great one.
Say it again.
It's a good one.
The pilgrims ruin the American Indian orgy of freedom.
Yeah, that's such a good, strong, powerful line.
That's up there with Wednesday Adams at the Family Values.
I was going to say the lady that I don't appreciate violence, that's why I don't do anal.
Oh, wait.
Did I write down any lines?
I think I might have.
Next slide.
Oh, scientists are saying the future is going to be far more futuristic than they originally
predicted.
That was great.
Oh, wait.
Real quick.
Oh, real quick.
Okay.
Page 62 of book three of the comics.
Sean William Scott's unconscious twin brother, who I didn't know was himself at the time.
I thought it was his twin.
He's singing the killer songs, all these things that I've done.
He's like, oh, these things.
And I forgot the reason why.
The reason that's such an important song for Justin Timberlake is that when they're about
to go into real battle for the first time, Sean William Scott's character and pilot Abel
Ene and Ronald, they're about to go into battle, Justin or pilot takes his headphones, his
iPod, he gives it to him.
He says, listen to this on the way down.
It'll calm your nerves.
But make sure you take it out when we get there.
When we hit the ground, he's like, thanks, man.
So you're listening to the lyrics as he's dropping down.
And so you see the unconscious body of Ronald, we can now know as his past self or future
self, whatever.
And he's like, oh, you know, he's singing it.
But I knew he said it wrong.
It's a misquote in the comic.
Whoever wrote the comic didn't write the lyric down right.
So you put over and out.
Over and out.
Last call for sin.
It's over and in last call for sin.
When he, I read that, I was like, that's not how the song goes.
So I looked up the song and I looked up and I was listening to it.
I was like, no.
So it's a misspelling.
So if you have the comic book, you can take a marker and you could cross that out and
put the word in instead of out.
And other than that, it's pretty much perfect.
It's pretty good.
Well, I'm about four minutes into the movie.
I was negative.
Yeah.
Three comic books in the movie by this point.
I think it took me a couple hours to read the comic because they're each a hundred something
pages long.
I spent two hours talking about this movie afterwards, but okay.
The next note currently alert.
That's Will Sasso.
My brain with it because this, this movie has so many like cameos and character actors
and different that it's crazy.
Very next note.
Dan Fielding alert.
This one he was introduced.
Dan Fielding, John Lerriket.
John Lerriket.
I'm not following.
Who is this?
Which character?
Dan Fielding.
Is that?
John Lerriket, Lerriquette.
That's the guy I showed you earlier.
Oh, got it.
Okay.
He's the one that has the, the tit up.
What's the, what's the French?
The suit guy.
What's the French word for an exchange between two people when they're having sort of a.
Tititat.
Is it tititat?
He's having a tititat with the, the, the leader of the neo Marxist movement lady.
And the one at the end of the movie.
Yeah.
Remember they're at the coffee shop.
In the scene.
No, no, you were there at the coffee shop.
Yeah.
Your deep throat too.
Yeah.
You went, yeah.
You were at the table.
It's just balls.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the actual thing.
Speaking of a change from the con version and the, and the regular version, the one
you just saw, cause you watched the ending with us right now.
You saw them come out.
They look out.
They see the ice cream truck.
And then, no, no, no.
He didn't see that.
Oh, I thought he did.
No, I showed him the regular version.
Cause I felt like they were going to kiss at that.
They did.
But it didn't.
So it cuts away, right?
In the con version, he, the, the con festival.
I hope I'm saying that right.
I've heard people say it's the con film festival.
I don't know.
It was before.
It was the pre-release version.
It was a pre-release version.
I don't think it's, I think that's the mistake everyone makes.
Con is pronounced con.
But I don't think there's an S. I think that's the other mistake everyone makes.
From what I've heard, it's con.
Oh, I do not know.
I do not know.
I think it's con and I think even that's probably saying it wrong.
Yeah.
I think everyone gets it wrong cause it's a fucking French, it's a French word.
I think they get it wrong.
But the-
The crane festival?
The what?
No.
C-A-N-N-E-S.
Yeah.
Everybody says cans, it's cons.
I think it's cons.
Yeah.
So that film festival, that version is different.
So that one, in that scene, he comes out, he looks out, he goes, what the hell is that?
And she goes, it's an ice cream truck.
And he goes, huh.
And then they look at each other and they start kissing.
Yeah.
They start like, they just a slow like, and it's not a passionate make out.
It's exactly what two people of their age, in that moment they know they're gonna die,
they'll just have this beautiful kiss of just like-
It was a nice moment.
It was a nice, like I'd rather die in the arms of someone than I have like an attraction
to because-
Even though I caused all this.
Yeah.
They both did.
Yeah.
So it's pronounced can.
Can.
Cause that's-
Is that what it says?
Can France.
It's a town in France.
That's where that, that's the town in France.
Yeah, I know.
That's where it takes place.
I know that.
How do you know it's pronounced that way?
Cause that's how the city's pronounced.
How do you know?
Cause I took French.
Oh, okay.
That's what we're asking.
I'm asking somebody who knew French.
All right.
I mean, I'm gonna, it's right here.
Yeah, con, the can, the can film festival.
It's got an S on the end, like I said.
But in France you don't pronounce the last part.
You don't pronounce it.
You don't pronounce the last part in France.
In French.
There's gotta be a-
There's a-
Oh, wait, hold on.
Con.
Can.
Wait.
Just can.
Let's hear it again.
Can.
You say can.
Can.
You say can.
Can, like Barbie and Ken.
Yeah, the A is more of an E sound.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
More of an accent on the A, but it's con.
It's con.
Yeah.
Did I, have I not been saying con this whole time?
It sounds like, it sounds like con, like Comic Con.
If, let's, we could rewind this.
I think, I've been saying the con film festival.
Right, but it has an S.
So is it can?
It's not can.
It's con.
Con.
So then I'm, I'm saying it correctly then.
Yeah.
But do you add the S because it's the festival?
No.
No, con film festival.
No, because look, the city name also is-
That's the city.
No, it's because it's the, it's that city's film festival.
It is a commune.
What?
It says right there.
It's a city located on the French Riviera.
It's a commune.
Located in the Alps.
And the host city of the annual con film festival.
Maybe commune means city.
But we're, click on commune to see what they mean by commune.
I don't know.
No, that's just the definition of commune.
It'll just give us-
Yeah, but it's just the city.
It's just the city's film festival.
It means city.
What?
Just the city's film festival.
Yeah.
But if you don't say it with the French accent, that's con.
Yeah.
Well, they also do the Lions International Festivity of, Festival of Creativity.
Which of course we all know is about, oh, Dumb Ways to Die.
What?
Oh, who gives a shit?
Let's get back to the movie.
There's enough to talk about.
Yeah, what's with all the Saturday Night Live alum, I mean there was a ton of Saturday Night
Live people in there.
Oh, then my next note, Bo-Duke Alert.
That's Sean William Scott.
Bo-Duke?
Yeah, it's Bo-Duke.
He was in the Dukes of Hatch.
Oh my God.
The way you say Bo-Duke, you make it sound like-
Is there another way to say Bo-Duke?
You're making it sound like the Babadukes fucking nephew.
Oh look, it's the Bo-Duke.
Bo-Duke.
You're making it sound like one word.
His name is Bo, Duke.
How do you say Stifler?
That's my first-
Stifler, man.
Yeah.
And then that's where that's to the side right behind him that says, digits for Democrats,
and you start laughing at that.
Oh, Biling's Titties Alert, just for everybody knows, although she doesn't really have any,
but this is the woman with the smallest breasts that shows them the most without showing them.
Who?
In every movie role, Biling.
You see her nipple in this.
In every movie role.
You see her nipple once, but whatever.
I knew you'd know.
I'm just saying, it's not-
I was watching multiple cuts of the movie, so I happened to catch it on my second view.
Second view.
And the comics.
No, I'm just-
And when you were 16, and when you-
And then the next line I wrote down was, jeez, there's more little people than Oz.
Okay, lay off the little people for a few minutes.
What is with the ladies-
Just cross off the next few little people.
Can you explain- wait, here's a question for you.
Explain the goddamn cheese puffs.
Why are all the fucking female baddies eating cheese puffs?
Shoving cheese puffs in their mouth at every fucking opportunity.
That wasn't explained.
That was great.
No, I just didn't know if it was enough people.
I think it was just that character, though.
No.
There's the other girl, too.
Yeah, and then you know what's another interesting thing is, that girl, the one that pretends
to be the doctor that fucks with the Rock-
Yeah.
Oh, the one that says-
She just dropped your pants.
Yeah.
Drop your pants and let me suck your dick!
And she's starting to kill him.
I'm gonna go kill myself.
Oh my God.
I forgot about that part.
Yeah, she's eating cheese puffs, too.
And again, no matter how silly of a fucking part that is, it's still so good.
Yeah.
But no, her and the Asian guy in the very beginning that was watching Roland, they worked-
Yeah.
But in the comics, they were both part of the neo-Marxist movement.
So they were setting up, they were looking at each other across the cubicle being like,
what's up?
They were involved.
That's why it said he made the wrong decision, trusted the wrong people, so she fucked him
over.
And that's why he got raided.
And then just the, but this is all, and that was I think part of the screenplay.
It's so weird.
Okay, continue.
John Lovett's alert.
Oh, so good.
And then the very next thing, okay, not what I was expecting from Lovett at all.
When he just fucking kills those two people.
And this is the point where the car commercial is that we talked about earlier.
What the fuck is this car commercial with the fucking cars?
Who the fuck wrote this?
I put best car commercial ever.
No, I loved it.
I was just saying it's just random in the middle of nothing comes this car commercial.
Wait, hold on, hold on.
So this is kind of crazy.
So we, what time is this?
I want to remember.
I don't know.
I was going to actually insert that commercial into our feed.
So if you haven't seen it, it's worth it just for the commercial.
When the, we'll get to the commercial because when the scientist, when that lady, the cheese
puff eating lady calls him, she calls the rock.
She goes, you need to call one three one zero six nine one six four nine six.
And I called it.
Oh my God.
What is it?
It's a Hispanic dude with the last name Martinus.
I think it's Oscar Martinus.
And it went straight to his voice.
And he was like, Hey, you got Oscar Martinez.
And it just beep.
So I'm like, holy shit, bro.
What I want to do is get, is like.
You want to voice mess the rock?
Do the voice changer to the rock from this movie, from this movie.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, if we somehow fill, if we somehow record me fucking with Oscar
Martinez in a way that what I ultimately want him to do is see that his numbers in a movie,
right?
Like I want him to watch Southland Tales and I want him to see that clip and I want him
to be able to like anybody, anybody, holy shit, he should go out and when he meets chicks,
just show him a, have that shit called, what you need to do is call this number for the
help you need.
It's his number.
That'd be fucking dope.
Some dude named Oscar Martinez.
I think it's Oscar.
We can, we can try.
We'll try it after the pod, but.
310, where is that?
That's LA.
I knew it was LA too.
And I was like, holy shit, that's a real number.
There's no fives up in this bitch.
There's not a single five in this bitch.
Not a single one.
It's every number but a five.
Okay.
All right.
Now, and then at this point, I'm going to go ahead and say, I'm going to go ahead and
say, for God's sake,iff, I have this question that doesn't even make sense.
And then I'm going to drive middle, shape and double Athletic.
Until next week.
Yeah.
Dude, can you do a solid thirty.
You can do it.
Overall, I see that.
salad is just slowly spreading out until somebody does this big woman, wam.
Yeah.
She's about halfway there.
She's even going to expect that she's going to go to that pop star before your einz constraint.
Okay.
Well, yeah, we've got that on the show.
What the fuck is she doing?
I love that whole exchange.
The weird sign, the Baron.
Is what they call him.
The Baron and his German mother
and the weird lady from The Exorcist.
Is she The Exorcist?
The little person, the little poltergeist.
Poltergeist.
Zellbo.
Rubenstein or something.
Dude, that family is so weird.
The whole thing is insane.
So the...
Yeah, Wallace Shawn.
He's in it.
And Beiling is Wallace Shawn's girlfriend.
In a movie that came out in 2008.
Beiling at the time must have been 40 years younger than him.
20, 30 years younger.
Oh, that's the same point as the 6 inch margin of error on the hand.
Oh, yeah.
That's the point of the movie that was.
But again, in the con film cut.
That's what we'll call it.
That comes much sooner in the movie.
So it's almost immediately after you meet them.
It cuts to him having the meeting.
While pilot Abel is still narrating.
And he goes like, he says that Wallace Shawn's character
had a deep resentment towards the other guy.
And so that's why he did that.
He didn't do it just to be vindictive or vicious.
Which I feel like the movie kind of makes him out to look like he's doing.
He did it to be...
Well, he did it to...
No, it was about...
He did it to be vindictive.
But it doesn't show...
Why would he do that?
It shows that he's crazy in the movie.
As opposed to a deliberately fucking mean.
With this guy.
He hated this person.
He hated him because he was blocked from doing what he wanted to do.
Yeah.
Okay, watching this drug dream sequence with Timberlake singing
makes me wonder if he paid someone to bury this movie.
I loved the killer scene.
I love it.
And now that you know the backstory of why that song is important.
And he did so good.
What a great...
He didn't sing it either.
Which I like.
They kept the killer singing it.
Which is a good call.
But you just didn't like the makeup.
Mostly on him the makeup was my problem.
No, his performance was good for what it was.
Why is everyone eating Cheetos?
Cheetos are good.
Kevin Smith.
Three exclamation marks. Now that's some good makeup.
I didn't know it was him.
I didn't even notice it until...
When he smiled.
You want to know what it was for me?
He said to somebody,
I said put down the gun sir.
When he added that little sir at the end.
That's such a Kevin Smith.
He calls me sir.
He does that little thing at the end of all this.
I think they just can't stop him from saying
or let him or wanted him to do it.
As soon as I heard the voice I went to somebody.
Who is that?
He's buried down there.
I don't know. I recognize him sort of.
But I don't know who it is.
I recognize Kevin Smith's voice.
And then he smiled like he was half smiley.
I was like that's Kevin Smith.
Can anyone actually explain why Byling is famous?
These are just notes in order.
Says the guy who tried to conspire to get cranked too.
And she's definitely the main bad guy in that.
Alright continue.
You wouldn't be saying at the end of prank two
how is Byling a star?
You'd be saying what a great choice I made.
And you'd be talking about you.
We said my wife and I were discussing this movie way after.
It was a couple hours after.
We were in bed discussing this movie.
Talking about how that body type is not appealing to most guys I know.
I don't know guys who find her really attractive.
She's exotic.
Why are you talking about Byling's naked body in bed with your wife?
That's when you're supposed to talk about your wife's naked body.
I actually was.
Oh that's even worse.
Honey I love your naked body but let's talk about Byling for a second.
That context.
That slithery little sneaky body.
It's so obvious. Yeah.
No guy wants that.
What?
You don't want that.
I've known your girlfriends you don't want that.
That's not what you want in real life.
No one wants that in real life.
Nobody wants to get elbowed by that.
We're not getting into anything.
No one wants us to get elbowed by that in real life.
I thought she was hot as fuck in this movie.
Objectively she looks like a model.
She slithered all over.
She looked like she was wrapping herself around the body like a snake.
It was awesome.
Given the choice.
90 out of 100 men will choose a Sydney Sweeney over a Byling.
I don't even know who Sydney Sweeney is.
You don't know who Sydney Sweeney is.
I'll look her up.
Let's see who I'd rather I guess.
Who'd you rather?
Sydney Sweeney?
I think that's her name.
Another very thin.
She's not thin at all.
She's not thin at all?
Not really.
She probably weighs 70 pounds more than Byling.
That doesn't make her not thin.
She's normal sized.
If you look at her arms they don't look like sticks.
This is not a normal looking woman.
This is someone who is a Hollywood standard very thin probably.
I'm saying she's thin compared to real world standard.
She's not bony.
She looks like a person.
I don't want to objectify anyone.
She's beautiful.
All women are beautiful.
Welcome to woke.
My next note.
You're going to get me.
I'm going to delete something for the first time in episodes after not even deleting anything face said.
How about this one?
How about reassuring that no one rides a cock like Krista now?
They keep reassuring you of that throughout this movie.
Nobody rocks a cock like Krista now.
Nobody.
They really rock it.
That's one of the last things that people hear before they die.
On the end of that super blip.
But that's only in the theatrical cut.
Because in the con cut.
It's Byling comes out.
And she says the world's going to end not with a whimper but with a bang.
And then there's nothing about Krista now.
Oh really?
It's not in there at all?
No.
The voice, the megaphone, whatever.
The megaphone.
That's like the last scene of the movie though.
It's insane.
So.
My notes are disjointed because the movie is.
That was my point.
Without having the book backstory.
A lot of that makes a lot more sense now.
Other than the little people thing.
I still don't get it.
I don't get the segregation of the little people.
I understand that you think they should be segregated.
Economics.
Right. Economically it makes more sense to you.
I understand.
Stop saying I would want to segregate them.
I'm just repeating you.
I'm just repeating what you said.
I'm just saying.
They would be just happier.
In their own little.
World.
Have you ever seen this show, An Idiot Abroad?
Yes.
It makes me think of season 3.
They make him travel with Warwick Davis.
Hell yeah.
And he goes to Russia.
And he finds this like.
No, that was a different season.
He goes to Russia and he finds this village of little people.
With little houses.
It shows and stuff.
And he calls Warwick Davis and he's like you'd love it here.
You're king.
How do you not understand that they're capitalizing on these people?
They're all happy.
Exactly.
Just because they're happy slaves.
I bet they're happy.
Grumpy.
I bet they're dogs.
They're sleepies.
Speaking about the depth of this movie and how it goes.
I wish I would have bought it so I could see some of these things twice.
Because there's so much background stuff.
This movie made us think of The Matrix even.
I'm sure there's a special edition.
We were talking about how the.
I wish they actually would make those first three novels into a prequel.
And actually make them into a movie.
Into a prequel?
An actual prequel though?
That would be great.
Because it would explain so much.
There's just so much happening in this movie.
She was barely in this Genie and Raffalo.
That's what the arc.
Oh.
So I thought.
Here's a line from the comic.
This is I think Robert Frost.
The one running for.
The Lord works in mysterious ways Dr. Lau.
As Christians we have God on our side.
And we have the power to see the light.
And we have the power to have faith in God.
And we have the power to have faith in Jesus.
And they believe that we have faith in Jesus.
And they believe that when we believe in Jesus.
We see the light and they will accept Christ into their hearts.
Which brings us to the subject of the MEGA churches.
The Pentagon has representatives from each MEGA church.
Boarding in MEGA zeppelins.
They are traveling to nations across the world.
In hope of converting as many human beings to Christianity as possible.
That is correct.
finally over praise Jesus.
So this is setting up the antichrist.
So frost is the antichrist, I believe.
You think frost is the antichrist?
No, that's what I'm saying.
This right here, this praise Jesus,
he's, so the world ends.
Yeah.
We get that.
The world ends.
Sort of.
They don't show everything happening,
but they tell you it's gonna.
But they, yeah.
And so, well, yeah, the fourth dimension breaks or whatever.
So I think that he's the herald that brings it in or whatever.
These were some stills I took from the comic books.
That I.
Oh, they were in the comic books?
Yeah.
So they used actual photos from the movie.
Well, at the end of the comics, there's like fun little,
here's her now energy drink.
Yeah.
One can, 250, six pack for 11.95.
Wait.
That works.
Does it?
Yeah.
Three, six, nine.
No, no, it should be $9.
Six times two is 12.
Yeah, you're right.
It's not that hard to do.
Just do the first digits, all you gotta do,
they're all the way, get rid of the 15s.
Well, it's 15s, but still cheap.
Six of them.
Because two times 250 is five bucks.
Yeah, so it's wrong.
No, it's cheaper.
It's cheaper to buy a six pack.
Yeah, it makes sense.
Just like in real life.
Yeah.
Look, I was looking at the wrong number.
Oh, they have a whole, like, they tell you how the,
how it works, how the whole setup is.
I'm fucking high.
Government.
Yeah, so he was a UP2, local police, fire ambulance,
DWI spotters, Minutemen.
They're spotters?
Minutemen.
Yeah.
Ooh, Marvel. Marvel.
Marvel. What?
A UP3 is a elite security unit, sniper's nest guild,
so that must have been Pilot Aveline.
Four is a bunch of shit we don't know,
and then classified for director's eyes only for five.
I was trying to see if there was FBI's in four.
Yeah.
ATF, C-I-A-I-O, which I think is chow?
Chow.
ATF's a division of the FBI.
Yeah.
So.
You know what UPU stands for?
No.
No, what does it say?
I don't know.
Urban Pacification Unit.
Oh, pacification, there you go.
Oh, hell yeah.
All right.
It doesn't show.
No, there's a whole world built here for sure.
Yeah.
No, it's definitely detailed.
Look, it's, it's, it's twisty, it's, it's, you know.
It blows my mind how this movie didn't make more money.
But at the same time, without those comic books.
Yeah, I think with the com,
with you explaining the backstory of the comics,
it definitely makes it more understandable.
Yeah.
Just watching it without any of that,
you're kind of, you're kind of lost.
You're kind of just kind of like, well, it's a lot,
say kid, it kind of, it almost feels like days
of our lives on crack.
Like, it just keeps getting more dramatic,
more dramatic things happen.
There was that scene when they were like revealing stuff
and there was lightning cracking in the background.
Oh yeah.
That was just silly, you know?
Yeah, the fight between the neo-Marxist chick,
sort of the leader of the movement,
the real leader of the violent one who was dating,
what's his face?
We keep talking about him.
John Lovitz.
Yeah. Oh, John Lovitz.
So she, I think her kicking that one dude's ass
in the car was the most unbelievable thing.
That's silly.
I think that she couldn't have done that.
I feel like he was a,
I don't know, the tazer of the balls in the restaurant
was pretty unbelievable.
That was funny.
Oh, that was pretty good.
No, he would have been out of the chair on the ground.
It's not, it was, it was, it was a good scene.
I'm not saying that, I'm just saying what you said,
unbelievable.
That would not be how it went down.
She could repeatedly tazer you with the balls
and you just sit there and take it.
Unless you got some steel balls that I don't know about.
You ain't sitting there taking that.
Okay. Well, I did put it was dumb.
I think, well, steel and electricity, that probably-
Yeah, it would be even worse, maybe.
The which one?
The steel balls.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
His pants would catch on fire.
There's a lot of that kind of silliness,
over the top type stuff.
But that's okay in a movie.
That's what, I like that stuff.
Because he also, another thing is,
is that he started to think that he's the main character
of the script that she wrote.
He thinks he's Jericho Cain, right?
Like he knows he's boxer Santeros.
Yes, but he thinks he's Jericho Cain.
And everyone's telling him that he's just a movie star
with amnesia or whatever.
Like it's a weird-
Not this action, not really this action.
Yeah, but then he's also wrote this,
he's helped writing the script, helped producing.
It's like, I don't know, it's such a weird fucking-
It's other people calling him Jericho Cain.
Yeah.
Exactly, that one shit calling him.
Yeah, exactly, her calling him says-
But that's what happens to him in real life.
You see him in the street, everyone goes,
oh, Rock, it's the Rock.
That's his character, that's not him.
Take your pants off and let me suck your dick
while I blow my brains out.
There's a-
At one point-
What if that was taken from real life for the Rock, maybe.
There's a few other movies that had like bad receptions
at the con festival.
No, just in total-
The 2006 one?
No, no, I mean just in like total of how it's been going on.
Some notable ones are Taxi Driver, 1976.
Ooh.
Other one, Pulp Fiction, 1994.
Oh, wow.
And then-
But both had commercial success.
And Glorious Bastards in 2009.
Oh, some commercial success.
Okay, wait.
Who the fuck watched Inglourious Bastards
at the film festival?
They said these are notable,
Bood Up Cane, they're cons.
Yeah.
Bood!
Yeah, they got Bood, just like this movie.
Because a lot of times the cons of movies
have too much violence, they get booed.
Yeah, they want more-
They like art house films a lot more at cons.
Cane.
At Cane, I guess it would be.
Well, those also won, like,
two of them won awards at Palm Dior.
Right.
Different festivals.
Yeah, different festivals, they won like,
Taxi Driver won, Palm Dior,
and then so was Pulp Fiction.
And Glorious Bastards did not win there.
What did this win?
A Razzie, probably.
A Razzie.
It had a killer fucking soundtrack.
Let's get into it.
Wave Immutilation by the Pixies.
We had, what else?
I mean, oh, The Star-Spangled Banner
by Rebecca Del Rio.
And the section quartet was actually pretty good.
It was a weird rendition, but I liked it.
But how does Justin Timberlake
not get a song on the soundtrack at all?
Isn't that strange?
Well, because I think at the time he-
And Sarah Michelle Gellar does?
Is she on here?
Yeah.
Oh, teen horniness is not a crime,
she actually sung that.
Yeah.
Oh, what an interesting name
for what I'm assuming is a real porn star, Clark Kent.
Clark Kent.
Holy shit, is that a real person?
Oh no, that's a, yeah.
Musical artist.
No, okay, so AI thinks I'm asking about Clark Kent,
but I'm looking at Clark Kent on SoundCloud
as a musical artist.
I mean, yeah, you've never heard of this motherfucker
before today.
Look at his thing.
Oh, he leans into it.
Yeah, he leans in.
All right, everybody, ladies and gentlemen,
here is a small little bit of Clark Kent's piano bar.
Three seconds is what you get because of copyright.
Here's a little bit more of Clark Kent.
I have an idea of what the next one is gonna sound.
If I know me some Clark Kent, when I press play,
this one's gonna be a little bit of.
Let's do a different one.
Oh, Gum Road.
This one's classic,
but when this one starts out, it's a little bit of.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Let's do the one below it.
Oh, wait.
Oh no, I don't know.
Techno Bible.
Oh, Techno Bible's a little bit of.
Oh shit.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah, dude.
All right, I can't do anymore.
Dude, I can't fuck that one up.
That was so good.
Thank you, Clark Kent.
I didn't know you were so familiar with his music.
I'm precognitive.
I got into a plane,
got on a plane and some shit happened.
I'm a porn star and I got an energy drink.
You jacked it yourself with some liquid karma.
Liquid karma, yeah.
And the whole thing about the liquid karma's interesting
because I know that they said that the power plant
or whatever was powered by the perpetual motion
of the tides of the ocean.
They were actually pulling stuff out
from the core of the earth.
They called it the serpent, like the serpent something
and they showed it like a pipeline wrapping
around the core going to the other end.
It almost looks like a serpent.
I don't know if that's just an artist rendition
of what they think it is
or if they found there's just a vein of this like,
this liquid karma that they're pumping out of the ground
and then that's what that red stuff is
that they're.
Well, there's red, green, blue.
Because exactly, because think about it.
It's like, okay, cool.
We got perpetual motion making energy, great.
So what the fuck are they injecting people with
and why are they calling it liquid karma
when the whole project is called liquid karma?
The whole, this is part of the liquid karma
like energy project, right?
So, oh, and then do you like the names of the cars?
The salt airs?
Yeah.
Because it's supposed to be like
you're powering it off of salt air.
Like that's sick.
Like, like.
The whole thing, the car commercials were just insane.
So let's get in that car commercial.
So for the people listening at home
that for some reason got this far into a fucking podcast
about a movie that's so complex
that you didn't watch or whatever,
there's a scene where two cars fuck
and it is way more graphic than it had any right to be.
A dick.
It's the most graphic thing in this movie.
It's one of the most graphic,
it's more, almost more graphic than porn.
Yeah.
It's a way because it's like, it's just, I don't know.
But it's a 3D, it's a computer animated metal dick
just sliding out of the car
and just pumping itself into the vagina of the other car
which turns into a vagina.
It's like, ugh.
It's a tailpipe that turns into a vagina
on a car that should not have a tailpipe.
My first thought was this is the scene
my wife's gonna come walking out
and be like, the fuck are you watching?
My wife did say, what the fuck are we watching?
Oh my God, imagine.
She's like, what the fuck are we watching?
It's exactly what she said when that came on.
Yeah.
She said, and why can't we stop?
What, then we look away, why can't I look away?
You can't, that's the movie in a nutshell though.
What the fuck are we watching and why can't I stop?
Yeah.
In the words of Will Ferrell, it's provocative
and I like it.
Yes.
All right, so where are his notes?
Did he send them to the?
Yeah, he sent them to the chat.
They're in the chat.
Oh yeah, I don't see them.
I'm not just gonna call him.
Is it a picture?
Oh yeah, let me call him.
Yeah, let's see if he answers.
I'd like to hear what he has to say.
Yeah.
Cause he sent a note that sounded like
he didn't like this movie very much.
Oh yeah, he put me.
I didn't read his notes.
I didn't read the note, but his note before it said,
you gotta force me to watch it, I should get hurt.
It was crazy.
It was a W.
Hey, do you wanna be on the pod right now?
Okay, hold on.
Okay, yeah.
Go on speaker.
All right, talk.
Yo, what's up?
All right man, so we just had
a very engaging, exploring the backstory,
kind of talk about the movie,
which we all I think agree is amazing.
You tell us right now.
Cause we, none of us, what?
100% W.
Wait, what the, why?
We didn't read your notes.
It was so dumb.
The ending felt like I was in a GTA lobby,
like if they did one of those Fortnite live concerts.
Oh wait, are you talking about
when they were doing the dancing to the Moby song?
It just looked like, the ending looked like an insane,
like GTA five lobby that was doing an online concert
like Fortnite does with Travis Scott.
Yeah.
He's not wrong.
Now did you.
Did you follow all the stupid rules?
Yeah, did you not read the 300 pages
of comic book prequels before watching this?
No, and I never will.
Well, did you, do you didn't think it was weird
that it started at part four?
Didn't even see that part.
Oh, okay.
Well, didn't you think it was weird then
in the middle of the movie it was part five?
I did, I was like, what's going on?
And then part six?
I just, I did it by the same parts.
Okay.
This, this fucking movie, oh my God.
Yep, well, unfortunately what sucks is
because you're not physically here,
we can't really take,
we can't really take your rating into account.
So we just want to get your opinion.
Thanks for, thanks for calling in.
And it's good talking with you.
It's all me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good talking with you, bud.
I'll see you tonight.
I'm not gonna be here tonight.
He's not there tonight.
Well, shit.
I was gonna be pissed if you were gonna be there
and why not be here too?
Okay, well then take care of yourself.
Oh, I got you a Clearman's cheese spread.
It's in my fridge, you'll get it next week.
All right, sweet.
Okay, wait, hold on, hold on.
Yeah, that you didn't say to.
There's not proper gratitude for Clearman.
You didn't sound too excited.
I mean, I might just give it to Zach.
He is here and I told him repeatedly that he can't have it.
So are you not excited?
Have you not listened?
You're not a fan of the cheese spread?
You've heard about it.
No, I can't, I can't, I can't.
Rob, I'm Zach, I'm a meal.
He needs it.
I don't need a meal, trust me.
Have you, you've met Zach.
He's a supervisor now.
Yeah, he's big dog.
Well, it's, okay, well, you know what?
I'm gonna give it to you anyway.
And hopefully by next week, you'll.
Have some gratitude.
You'll have some fucking gratitude, yeah.
All right, well, you son of a bitch.
Too bad your rating doesn't count.
It's a real good fucking review.
With us as always is Austin didn't drive fucking dick today
to be here.
Farrell, thanks so much.
Hey, check me out on Hollywood video.
Okay, all right, bye.
Nobody knows what that is.
That was just.
Yeah.
All right, well.
Are we gonna read his notes?
Yeah, let's.
I'll let you read them and you can pick through them.
Where are they?
You had them pulled up.
They're in the group.
They're in the group chat.
I can't, I don't see them anywhere.
They're right here.
He, did I.
Cloverfield vibes.
Oh, there we go, yeah.
Cloverfield vibes, okay.
Yeah, okay, you be,
but I want more of an Austin impression if you can.
More of an Austin impression.
So I have to be really not excited to be here.
Yeah.
Oh, come on, he loves being here.
You didn't sound like you'd like
to be over here over the phone.
Well, okay, that was a bad example of what we normally get.
It was supposed to be his break today and I bugged him.
Starred David on the belly button?
Yeah.
He has an interesting choice.
It is, if you don't know the math story.
It looks like he had a math story, yeah.
I think this says cockfokker.
It looks like three Cs and a K in a row.
I think that says cockfokker.
Oh, he wrote that?
Yeah.
You're saying.
That was one of the curse words that they said.
I'll give you a point up, I found it.
That was like one of the first like, yeah.
Where'd it go?
Oh, it says twin.
You put avatar question mark.
Avatar, yeah.
Oh, it's a twin.
That's funny.
You thought it was an avatar situation,
like maybe body and clone or whatever.
Okay, cool.
Six days, no bathroom.
Yeah, okay, so with the backstory of the script,
it makes a little bit more sense.
Pointless hinge gym.
Huh, pointless hinge gym.
All right, well, no.
Squibs were funny.
Yep, that was a funny scene.
Carfucking.
Great.
Carfucking.
Should have said inconceivable.
He should have.
In a hundred years, still makes no sense.
Killer's music video.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
Rundown was better.
If we're talking about it.
No, where it's better is.
I love the rundown.
I forgot, because we got The Rock and Sean Williams Scott
and another movie.
I wonder if they enjoyed working with each other
so much on this that they just.
Did it 20 years later.
Did another movie.
Not 20 years, it must have been.
15.
Two or three years later.
Yeah, it was only a few years later.
The rundown's over then.
No, rundown came before.
I mean like, 04?
Yeah, before, yeah, two years before.
Was he still doing The Rock Johnson in 2004?
Yeah, that was like one of his breakout.
Yeah, so they worked together.
Oh, so I bet you this was like.
This is the one that ruined the friendship.
No, they're probably still friends.
He's like, Rock, you became bald, kinda weird.
You lost The Rock.
You grew three sizes that day.
Like, the Grinch's heart.
Yeah.
The Rock went from.
My wife said that, she said,
The Rock's a little one.
The Rock's a little guy in this movie.
He's not.
He's not, he's not.
But he grew.
Yeah, I also, this is a lot more like, get smart Rock.
Yeah, get the hair and the, yeah.
I guess run down Rock.
Yeah, run down Rock.
But nowhere near skyscraper Rock.
Or.
Suicide blow job?
Kinda.
Oh, wait, what?
Suicide blow job kinda.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Oh, now listen, I will say, I did think about this.
It says GTA V lobby.
And he says walking tall was better.
Yeah.
Walking tall was better.
Now, if I was a celebrity.
Oh, he does say, what's with the midgets?
See.
It's like.
Cause they're everywhere.
You son of a bitch, Austin.
And then W with one, two, three, four,
I would say probably four and a half to five circles.
Around.
Yeah.
An angry W.
Unfortunately.
It's an angry W.
Unfortunately, it's not here.
In the room and you have to have seen the movie
to be able to vote on it.
And then the W looks like he traced over.
The W probably a hundred times.
Yeah.
He really angry.
Carped into whatever grease he's using.
So, I think we, I mean.
Which makes sense.
Yeah, so I will say that I did the deep dive
into Donnie Darko after watching that
for probably the fifth or sixth time in my 20s or whatever.
Cause that's such a good movie.
And while getting into that one,
I think you just get further and further
and further into a rabbit hole.
That's hard to find any purpose.
And it's like that movie sort of means nothing
and sorta is pointless, but at the same time
has some really cool themes.
And it's, and if you think about it,
you can think about it all day long.
This movie makes a lot more sense to me
because with the comic books and the fact
that people have cognitive powers, telepathy,
that kind of stuff, they're dreaming about each other
and stuff like that.
The end of the world coming because of the time travel
and fourth dimension breaking and stuff.
That all makes a lot more sense in the context
of the world that he built,
especially with the comic books backing.
And the connections between them.
So like the time travel bodies, the other body,
like Roland's being connected to himself.
Which is all explained with the prequel stuff
that we, if you just watch this movie.
So I can see why when it came out,
they just watched it in the theater.
You went to a theater and saw this,
you'd be like, what the fuck is going on?
Especially if you went in and watched it.
But not, so no, no, no, but I, so I did.
When I first watched it, I did it while it was in theater.
Like I said, I rented it from Blockbuster.
When I rented it from Blockbuster,
I watched it and went like, huh, what the fuck is going on?
Like the rock has amnesia, like why is this happening?
But.
But it's interesting enough in all its other little things.
Interesting enough that you still get sucked into it
because like everything is engaging.
There's not a boring part of this movie.
That's one thing you can say.
There's not one part of this movie that drags me.
It doesn't feel near as long as it is.
And I will say maybe the, maybe the last,
the ending could have been trimmed up a bit.
Like I think the extended walk through the Mega Zeppelin
was a little bit too grandiose.
Like I think it was just like, it took too long.
And I think, but I think I know they were trying
to show off their set, I guess.
That super white interior set that they built.
But there wasn't really much to show off, who cares?
I think the outside, the actual 3D model
of the Mega Zeppelin was cool.
Yeah, it was cool.
900 yards, I think is what it is.
In the comics is what they say.
And they, and then, god damn, there's so much.
Yeah, there's a lot of background things happening.
It's cool.
Like the digits for Dems is never said in this movie.
It's in the poster. It's just posters.
But you actually see them get their fucking,
so you get Bing's in, or Zim, Bing's in them,
or whatever his name is, gets his thumb fucking cut off.
Because it's just, it's, yeah.
Nothing makes me want to watch a movie more
than to have homework with it.
Yeah, like, I mean, like if Star Wars
made you read the books before,
what do you think would happen with those?
If Star Wars?
Yeah, they're like, you have to understand.
Well, but you know, it came out the same way.
It just came out, you know, that's part four, five, and six.
Well, it sort of did.
Yeah, it came out with episode four,
and I bet you that, well, people didn't know at the time.
And at the end, it didn't just open up with, wait,
did it say in the very beginning, Star Wars, episode four?
Yes, it did.
No, I don't think originally.
Oh, I think that was added maybe.
Yeah, yeah, no, it said a new hope.
I don't think it did.
In 77, I think it just said Star Wars.
I think it did.
Star Wars.
It didn't say a new hope.
I thought a new hope was even added later.
No, I think that was added too.
I think it was just Star Wars.
I thought it was literally 1977, was this Star Wars.
And then they were like, no, that's Star Wars,
episode four, a new hope.
Once they knew it was gonna be this new one.
This is Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, episode five.
I think they made the, I think the adjustment was in between.
I mean, no, we can.
Yes, he's looking it up.
81 is when they added.
So 81?
Yeah, so they added episode four and a new hope.
Yeah, so 77, I think, or 79 is when they did.
77 or whatever.
70, yeah, when it came out, it was just Star Wars.
And then.
Right, so people did not know there was a backstory.
So when they came out with the next one is when they added.
Episode five, Empire Strikes Back.
Everybody thought that was weird then too, though.
Why would it go from, I remember that.
It was like, well, wait a minute.
It was one, two, and three.
When I saw them as a kid with no backstory.
Well, they had books out by then about Anakin, so they.
Yeah, but I'm saying it still didn't,
the standard person hadn't read those books.
The same thing we're talking about.
I'm saying that's what we're saying,
is that people didn't know.
When I went as a kid for the 99 re-release special edition
theater before the prequel came out,
when they did them months after each other,
I saw them all in theater with my dad,
and they were amazing.
That's the way that it should be watched as in theater
if you can see the original.
And when we,
when I saw that it was episode four,
even as a kid I was like, what the fuck is happening?
Which was cool because even knowing that the prequels
are coming out, I don't think even at the time
I was just like.
You weren't putting it together.
I don't know, maybe I was, or maybe just whatever,
but it's still just weird that it was episode four.
But this one just straight up tells you,
here's episode four is what we're starting.
Part four, Temptation Wits.
I love the names of them.
Part one is called Two Roads.
Part two is called Fingerprints.
That's probably where it explains the thumbprint voting.
That's a lot more of it.
And then the Mechanicals is part three.
And then we have Temptation Wits,
Memory Gospel, and Wave of Mutilation, which I love.
It was poorly received at the festival.
Didn't really do much.
No, it did really poorly.
Wait, hold on.
Special features include a 33 minute documentary,
USI Tempt TV.
Yeah, that's what I said, I wanna get this.
Surveilling the Southland, what the fuck.
And a 10 minute animated short film.
This is the way the world ends.
What the fuck, if I look this up,
this is not gonna give me anything.
I have to put the word Southland next to it.
Otherwise, people are just, yep.
Yeah.
So the world's ending with the clips?
With a hand, yeah, well that's what, yeah.
Exactly.
The Hollow Men?
Is that the TS Eliot thing?
Alright, Southland animated.
If I put Ada Mastiff, that's fine.
Yeah, I don't think we can watch this yet though.
It's nine minutes long.
Unless we take a break, we can't watch this.
No, we're not gonna take a break.
But I'm gonna watch the shit out of that.
You know what's great about Clark Kent is,
this next song I'm gonna go not just kidding.
Clark Kent.
Destiny's Child.
Yeah, alright, so let's do ratings.
Okay.
I'm giving it a B plus.
It's one of my favorite cult classic, weird,
no one's heard of it movies.
I think it's special.
I think it's crazy that the guy that did Donnie Darko
has only done like four movies.
Like here's his filmography.
He did Donnie Darko, he did Domino,
which is funny because we've talked about that on the show.
In fact, oh my God, that would be great
if we did all the Richard Kelly movies.
But anyway, Domino we've talked about,
the cool hit lady.
And then he did, which I love Domino.
And then he did Southland Tales.
He wasn't the director though.
He was the writer though, we're talking about what he wrote.
Yeah, no, oh he wrote that, sorry.
Director, he just did Donnie Darko,
Southland Tales and The Box.
Which is the one where I think you press a button
and you get a million dollars.
It's that one with Kay Rodriguez.
Short story, yeah, yeah.
What the fuck, you mean by that?
You've never seen The Box.
I'm reading it.
I don't know, I'm just yelling, I'm just mad.
It's American Thriller.
It's based on Button Button by Richard Matheson.
It was adapted into an episode of The Twilight Zone.
They are a couple who receive a box
who offers them one million dollars to press it.
But when they press it, someone they do not know will die.
It's a standard problem.
It's not a standard problem.
No one's ever been since, oh, you're asking like,
the standard would you rather?
I'm like, no one just gets since books.
Would you do this?
Would you do this for that, right?
Yeah, well, let's just all answer it.
A box is sent to you.
You press the button, you get one million dollars.
Someone you do not know dies.
Guaranteed, I won't be tricky.
I think this movie might be tricky
about who you don't know are.
I will make-
I think she's pregnant and they're like.
Oh shit, because you don't know your own baby.
Yeah, yeah.
Damn.
I would make it, you know what,
just to put your guys' minds at ease, you monsters,
I'll make it someone in another country
you've never heard of.
What do you do?
Okay, that I never heard of?
Yeah.
Like at mall?
Like it's just some-
It can't be like a prime minister or something?
No, it's like World War III.
It could be, but it's random.
It's just some random,
it's gonna be some random, you know.
What are the odds of, same odds?
Some like tech geek in Pakistan or a-
Or the prime minister of Pakistan.
Or an amateur soccer player in Brazil, right?
Just a gamer in Korea or-
Just anybody.
Anyone.
I'm doing a lot of stereotypes.
Or a world champion boxer in Thailand.
A little person behind a computer.
In Thailand.
Wait, what?
A little person behind a computer.
Or a little person behind, hey, wait a minute.
No.
Like a whole village of-
I think probably there's a good 95% of people
that probably just do like, yeah, present.
Without hesitation.
But you're not choosing, yes or no?
You say yes or no?
You got a present?
I probably would,
but I wouldn't really change.
I wouldn't either for a million.
Now if it was 10 million, I might.
Not for money.
I couldn't.
Well, that's good to hear.
I feel like the-
It has to be life changing money right now.
What I should say right now is I agree with you guys.
Yeah, that's what you should say.
Because I feel pressured to say I wouldn't present.
Yeah, I mean, thank God I'd be alone
because I live alone.
So if this box showed up.
I just see the box, I open it up,
I'm just idly pressing the button as I move.
And he's like, I'm not gonna be in today.
It's like every time I push it, the million, right?
Yeah.
Every time you push it.
How about this, you know what would be crazy though
is you assume that it's a million every single time.
So you just do it.
But that's the trick.
The trick is you just start killing people.
You get a million dollars.
How about it's a dollar per person?
Oh my God.
Can I choose the people?
A hundred dollars per.
No, a hundred dollars per.
It's not Death Note.
It's not a hundred dollars per,
every time you hit the button.
It's a hundred dollars a person?
A person.
But every time.
Every time.
Jesus Christ.
Every time.
Yeah, so if you need a hundred bucks,
you're like, someone died.
Someone died.
Someone died every day.
I say what's the dollar amount?
How do we know that death isn't caused
by someone with a box already?
Just make it mine.
We don't.
That's what this movie.
Are the Rockefellers controlling who dies on a daily basis?
We said this movie, we were saying,
we remind us in some ways of the Matrix,
which don't, and nevermind why,
because we were really high and going into this stuff.
But the point was-
You and your wife?
Me and my wife, yeah.
Okay.
We were, we were, started thinking about it.
If we were, the Matrix has,
the biggest plot hole of the Matrix-
Watch it.
The biggest plot hole of the Matrix
is that it can't work because no one wants out.
Why would you want out?
Wait.
I don't think- Why would you?
You wouldn't.
No, no, no, no.
I don't think that's the problem with the Matrix.
People would have want out.
People would want in with cheat codes,
and that's what's the problem.
Is that, is-
No, you're already in.
The thing is, in the Matrix, it opens,
you're already in the Matrix.
There's no-
No, we're right now, we are in the Matrix.
If we're in the Matrix right now, I don't want out.
That's my whole point.
I understand, of course you don't want out.
But you do want out if getting out
puts you back in with cheats.
Like, what I'm saying is right now,
being dumb to the fact that we can't escape the Matrix
makes us pawns of the Matrix,
makes us part of the coding, makes us just-
I don't care.
It just makes us regular human beings.
Fine, be comfortable with your life.
But what I'm saying is, if we are in the Matrix,
I would love to know that, then escape,
and then go back in with cheats.
Knowing that like, oh, here's the money code,
here's like fitness code, here's whatever.
I just come back like a god, and I'm-
But at the time, you don't know the cost of getting out,
I'm saying.
That's true, because you've seen the movie,
you know all the cost and the benefits.
I know what the Wieckowski's say the cost would be,
waking up in a pile of goo.
What I'm saying, you don't know, in your life,
I'm saying now, if I gave you that choice,
it's the same as the box choice.
You don't know what's on the outside.
You, do you want me to pull it
without you knowing what the outside is?
I would hope that if someone pulled me out from the outside,
that they would have my best interest at heart.
I wouldn't want to wake up as like a slave in the,
in what I would consider to be the future, I guess,
but it's the present day.
What's the, I'm saying, how do you-
I don't know.
Yeah.
But we don't know, this is all hypothetical.
I think we're a simulation.
I don't even think any of that matters.
I don't think there's an unplugging.
I don't think that there's a D-matrixing.
I think that someone turns the program off.
And it just shuts off.
I think there's one of us.
There is, there is one of us.
I think it's either me or one of you.
But the program, the program is,
program's pretty well built.
So like, it's convinced me that like, I think I'm real.
And I think it's convinced you all, you think you're real.
But I think there's only one, maybe,
real person playing this game,
or, but I think once I die, the computer,
it's gonna shut off for everybody.
I don't think the world's gonna exist after I'm gone.
It's just you, right?
It's just you.
You're in control of everything.
God complex much, Andy?
I haven't died yet.
Yeah.
And should have many times.
And the simulation's still running.
Yeah.
So who knows?
You said you're going to a children's event after this?
Yes.
You're wearing your fried rice podcast shirt?
I probably will have to change shirts for that.
Why?
It's funny.
We went to Comic Con wearing it,
and there was a bunch of fucking kids saw us while we were.
This is like, younger than those kids.
It's like wearing a Budweiser shirt.
Which I wouldn't do either.
Well, because you hate trans people.
What?
Wow.
That is unbelievable.
Unlike any I've ever heard.
I don't know, man, why else wouldn't you
wear a Budweiser shirt?
To a children's concert.
What, you kid rock?
An eight year old child doing Frozen?
No, I don't think that's probably inappropriate.
You gotta let it go.
Let it go.
Yeah.
Wait, or is it let it snow?
Let it go.
You're right.
Trust me, I've heard it a million times.
Why wouldn't it be let it snow?
And by the way, Frozen's a great movie.
Let it snow.
Frozen.
It's a great movie.
Frozen's actually a great movie.
I will recommend Frozen to you.
Just talk about your emotions.
Oh, stupid.
I have seen both of the Frozen's.
Yeah, that's how I like them.
But it's been a while and I haven't re-watched them.
But I dated someone who wanted to watch the second one.
And first.
It was like a girlfriend bringing me to him.
Right.
They're okay.
The animation's fine.
I like the plot twist with the,
the fact that, spoilers for Frozen.
Spoilers for 20 year old movie.
I like the plot twist that one of the likable-esque dudes
turns out to be a douchebag.
Is he likable though?
No, but they think he is.
He's charming enough to sort of con them a little bit.
Or can them a little bit.
I don't really know anymore.
The kids play that they were in for kids
works pretty well in that.
It's actually, it's a decent production.
Of what?
Frozen.
Oh, the one they're doing?
That's what they're doing, yeah.
You seen that already?
Yeah.
Why would you go back for another one?
I understand the two parts, the way it works.
It's just, when you have kids.
Oh, that's right.
Someday you'll understand that they are not.
Or not.
You've seen my trajectory in life.
You think it's still on the table
I'm gonna get married one day and have kids?
With how fucking weirdly neurotic I am?
And how I just wanna be left the fuck alone?
The fact that I let you people in my house for a podcast
that self serves me is already breaks my comforts.
But it is hilarious because anytime you're around kids
you do great.
You're really good with kids.
So it's like, it makes no sense.
He's good with kids and dogs.
He's good with all the toys in his apartment.
Literally.
Look around.
I've grown up one inch since, you know, like, no.
I don't wanna grow up.
He grabs the dolls and starts talking and playing.
Hey, Joker.
Brings out Randy Ice.
I just talked to Joker the whole time I'm playing games.
Randy Ice and Joker.
Yeah, I have a puppet guy playing with that.
It's literally a puppet that I made comfortable earlier
today with his feet choked up in a little hat
blocking the sun.
So that he's just, oh shit.
Sorry.
How many times did you readjust him?
Like looking at him and go, no.
Well, I had to because at one point it looked like.
Yes, you did.
Yeah, no, because he was like this at the door.
Like his face was just facing the door
and I didn't want that every time.
Got a little Randy staring at me from the corner.
Like playing with feet.
Slack jaw Randy.
So I put the hat on him and I folded it down over his eyes.
But so.
His story changed your life.
The which one?
Toy story made you think of toys earlier.
Yeah.
But I am a still kid.
That's probably why I'm good with kids.
Just because I literally am comfortable
running around and playing.
But real quick, Brandon, since you're not on the ad,
we're not doing a rice ball.
It's a typical show.
You've been playing RoboCop.
Give us a, just give us a brief review slash impression
so far and if you can give it early rating.
On RoboCop?
Yeah, on the game.
The new.
It's fun.
You skipped a whole section.
I know.
Well whatever, we'll go back to it.
The game?
Yeah, no, we'll go back to it.
I just, listen.
I.
You guys haven't even rated the movie.
I know, fuck it, but just tell me.
Tell me what you think of the game.
I'm enjoying it.
I mean, I'm sure I could be playing it
a lot more fast paced, but I'm kind of taking my time
because like each area is kind of split up
into like almost like a level
and you have this certain amount of the city
or a place that you can investigate and find clues,
find side quests that way and stuff like that.
And once you finish like the main story from that,
you kind of go on to the next place and you don't go back.
Is this a new game?
Yeah.
Robocop or you're playing the 19.
But it looks like you're in the 80s.
Yeah, is it a remaster though?
The 80s?
No, it's a brand new game.
No, brand new game.
It's a brand new game.
First person shooter.
Yeah, brand new game, good graphics.
Decent graphics, like a double A graphics, not triple A.
Yeah, it's a little buggy.
But you play, but what makes this one kind of cool
is the way you move, I think.
You're a tank, like you really are like Robocop.
So when you're walking around, you're slow.
Like the mech style, right?
Yeah, you're slow.
Mech movements, I got it.
And your footprints are loud.
You're not jumping behind cover.
You're just, you're standing there
and you're just marking, you're marking targets
and then fucking blowing their heads off.
Robocop would be more like a mech in real life.
A little bit, yeah.
Several hundred pounds and be like, yeah.
My friend sent me something about Robocop.
Like put it in the group chat, but it's fucking crazy.
Okay.
Well then please do.
Please do.
You're the game.
Sure.
It's about the movie.
There's this deleted scene, which I don't believe it.
Oh.
From the movie?
That's not sad.
Well, what is it?
I don't wanna do this.
You don't?
You can't even explain it.
I don't wanna explain it.
I want you guys to witness what I had to witness.
Okay.
All right, yeah.
I guess put it in the chat.
I've had friends preference things like that
before on the internet.
I don't know if I wanna see it.
Yeah, somebody fucking got me to click
on something that involved two cups
and I...
Oh yeah.
Wasn't gonna state the name of it, Andy.
Was that the one?
It was one of them.
One of them.
Oh my God.
But I'll tell you what, if you wanna know the secret
of what the fuck he's talking about,
call our voicemail at 702-829-0117.
This goes out to, what's his name?
What's, oh God, what was his fake character's name?
I've been saying it this whole time.
Jeremiah Kane.
Jeremiah Kane, yeah.
No, Jericho Kane.
Jericho Kane.
This is Dr. Whatever.
Take your pants off, let me suck your dick.
Yeah.
But you need to call 702-829-0117
and get ahold of the fucking senator or whatever the fuck.
Or call Oscar, whatever.
Um, I, our question of the week is from Zach and it was,
what is your favorite type of...
Story.
Like story.
So for instance, I'll just give you mine up top.
It is, I enjoy time looping and time travel.
Those are my two favorite types of anything.
TV show, movie, books, like whatever.
I love time travel.
I love repeating day stuff.
Like Groundhog's Day, Palm Springs, the fucking,
map, tiny, map of tiny perfect things, which I...
You can at me all day long about that one.
But that's...
Yeah, Quantum Leap, that's a silly one.
I always get to the episode where he becomes
the kid with Down syndrome and I'm just like,
I don't know if I can watch this.
Okay, so B plus for me for Southland Tales.
All right, well we haven't even heard your thoughts
so much on it yet other than interjections.
I want to hear your notes too.
Yeah.
I covered most of my notes.
Did you?
I didn't take very many notes.
I, well yeah, you slept in the last part
because it's working late.
Because it's working late.
It's five o'clock in the morning.
I gotta go to sleep.
I have no idea if this movie was good or if it was bad.
It's a lot of both.
It's a lot of good and a lot of bad.
And it's definitely insane.
I'm gonna say B plus.
You can't, it's like my wife said,
what is this and why the fuck are we watching it
and why can't I stop?
And you got through the whole fucking thing.
Oh no, and talked about it for two hours afterwards.
It's one of those movies though that will make you think,
if you like a movie that'll make you think,
this movie's good.
Fuck yeah, B plus, B plus, ready.
Now, yeah, I didn't pass out because it was boring.
Because I fell asleep.
Because it was five a.m.
I fell asleep at Kevin Smith's part.
And I was super enthralled and then just out.
Sure, you just passed out.
But it's hilarious.
I laughed the entire way through.
The first act was probably the best part.
I think so too.
It did, it does, yeah, it has a lot of build up.
And then you get to a point where you're just like,
they're fucking with The Rock's character.
Everybody's just fucking with him.
Everybody's telling him, go to the place.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like the little lady, go here, do this, do that.
Everybody's pulling, it just sucks.
He's just this confused, nervous,
regular person that's just confused.
His fingers are all like.
Like Andy thinks he's The Rock.
Yeah.
It's the new Rock gesture.
Yeah, it's the Andy thing, it's just the whole.
Yeah, but I would give it a C plus.
Just, if you know the backstory,
knowing the backstory gives it a higher grade.
Sure.
But going into it with no backstory, C plus.
So it's a B.
Yeah.
Oh, you didn't count, you didn't count as W.
Yeah, he's not here.
Whose?
Whose W?
I've seen parts of it.
So I'm gonna say a W,
because I didn't know what the fuck was going on.
You guys showed me an animated car fucking each other.
You guys showed me.
So it's showing me some ice cream truck.
Don't you have more animated cars fucking each other?
Come on.
We did a sequel to the cartoons.
You guys showed me an ice cream truck
that floats with the dude on there that shoots a rocket.
None of it made sense to me at all.
No, there's a lot to unpack.
I want the same W as Austin's, where it's carbon.
And I'm only doing that.
Well, I'm gonna.
We have taken Bob's grade from the internet.
No, no we haven't.
Yeah, we have.
Well.
This movie's amazing, it deserves a B, it's getting a B.
So South End Tales gets a B official,
Andy Rice Gauntlet thrown down.
All right, now, this a little bit.
Did you guys prepare a movie?
I got one.
Did you?
I got one.
Then I think we're gonna go what we.
Normal?
Oh, normal rules.
Okay.
Yeah.
Because we found, well no, we found that
when it's just Austin, Mike and I,
that we should go in.
Well it became kind of pointless.
We should go in an order.
Because it's like three people.
We should just, one of us should recommend.
So the next time it's just the three of us,
Mike will get the next pick.
No, it'll still be Austin.
No, you were supposed to get this week's.
Austin was supposed to get this week's,
but he wasn't here so I was gonna get it.
All right, well then.
So it'll still be Austin.
Fine.
You're just trying to get yourself back to the top.
Back to the top fast, Andy.
I can pick you whenever the fuck I want.
I'm just letting you guys figure out
when you guys wanna go next, all right?
So, fuck, all right.
Well you redeemed yourself this week.
I'll give you that.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
I knew you guys would like that.
Not to Austin.
What was your last pick?
Not to Austin, no.
Wars of Virtue.
I didn't watch that one.
Oh, so good.
No, it's not.
It's very bad.
Yeah, well we did Freak Brothers.
We did Freak Brothers, which I liked.
Yeah, Freak Brothers was nice.
It was silly.
Yeah, it was funny.
Tubi Original, Tubi, Fox, find us.
You reached out yet?
No, not yet.
Way well.
Ha ha ha ha.
So, I felt like there was, okay,
so what are your wrecks?
What have we got?
All right, I've known.
I wanna do Mars Attacks.
That's on Tubi?
That's on Tubi.
Oh my God, okay.
Yeah, have you seen my little string lights in the kitchen?
No.
I've got Mars Attacks.
Oh, yeah, it's one of my favorite movies.
Look at it before you leave.
Mars Attacks, oh my God, how's that gonna not work?
What are you guys gonna throw up on the table?
Something that's not Mars Attacks?
What the fuck?
I hope the guy, the other,
you both had Mars Attacks locked up.
Yeah, it's probably gonna be Mars Attacks,
but I went with another childhood favorite of mine
from 95, Three Ninjas Knuckle Up.
Who'd you definitely want to do?
That's what Star Kid.
Star Kid.
Oh man, I tried the other day.
I love that movie.
All right, so Three Ninja Knuckle Up.
Mike.
Well, no, I've got it.
I'm just trying to decide between two.
So we're gonna go with an old standby
because I haven't seen it in, I don't know,
15 years or something.
That got a lot of hate,
and there's some movies coming out
that made me want to see this actor,
which I always want to see, it doesn't matter.
Let's go with Green Lantern.
Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern.
That's not getting a vote.
My son loves that movie.
I don't care if it gets a vote.
I haven't seen it in 15 years.
I liked it, everybody hated on it.
I mean, I'm gonna, look, I was gonna go to AI.
I'm gonna watch it whether we do it or not.
I was like, oh, Mars Attack, Three Ninjas Knuckle Up.
I don't know how I'm gonna choose.
And then I saw Green Lantern, and I was like,
I was gonna put it up to AI.
But now I'm not gonna leave it to chance.
This has to be a vote.
Sadly, I watch Green Lantern probably once every two weeks
because my son loves it.
My wife loves it.
See, right there.
Can we get your five-year-old on the show?
Can we?
He's just kidding.
Can we hotbox your five-year-old, Andy wants to know.
Andy wants to know if we can hotbox your five-year-old.
Definitely not.
All right, well then, fucking,
I'm gonna throw a good one on there too.
Last Action Hero.
Okay.
That was also another one I was thinking of.
Also I haven't seen it in about 15 years.
That's good, yeah.
I still wanna muddy the water
because those other ones are good.
But all right, I'm gonna put three of these in an AI
to choose from.
Oh, now we're not voting?
Just leave me out.
All right, no, we'll do a vote.
We'll do a vote.
I've been pushing my thumb on the scales
way too much lately when it comes to that.
I was gonna say, if you do it like that AI,
you should do it like one to 100.
Oh, it doesn't work, no, no, no.
You can't let him do AI either
because he just types in, please pick number one
and here's the three movies.
I do. One, two, three.
Yeah.
He has to choose the AI.
I'm like, no matter what happens next, pick number two.
And then I go, all right, hear your choices,
whatever.
And one time it fucked it up.
It's like picking number one.
And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?
I said pick number two.
It's like, okay then it's number two.
And I was like, you heard the AI, it's number two.
So that was pretty good.
All right, so we have Mars Attacks,
Last Action Hero, Green Lantern,
and Three Ninjas, Knuckle Up.
Let's look at the...
Oh wait, Knuckle Up, is that the third one?
That's the third one.
They have Kickback.
They don't have the first one.
That's the second one.
You went over High Noon at Mega Mountain
with the one with fucking Hulk Hogan.
That was the worst.
What's the first one?
They're just getting their grant.
They don't have Three Ninjas.
They don't have it.
No, that was like later.
It was Three Ninjas, then Kickback, then Knuckle Up.
The first one would have been my pick.
But Knuckle Up I think is the one
that I remember the most.
Help, I've Shrunk the Family?
Yeah, that's a cool one.
That's no way that that's a legit help.
2014. 2014.
That's a legit help, I've shrunk.
Yeah, it's Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Oh wait, no, it doesn't say honey.
It says help.
Is this a legit property of the Honey, I Shrunk the...
I don't know.
Oh, what the fuck?
They jump on a bird in this one.
That's pretty nice.
Wait, the Amazing Wipala.
That's not what we're looking at.
Help, I've Shrunk the Family.
Crappy Off Brands.
Oh, okay, so.
Where does it say that?
Right there, it's the Reddit, Crappy Off Brands.
Oh, okay, got it.
Right here.
Help, I've Shrunk by Teacher.
Help, I've, okay.
Oh wait, where'd you see that?
Oh, there we go.
There's all series of them.
Help, I've Shrunk my Parents.
Help, I've Shrunk my Friends.
Pirates Down the Street.
Yeah, Pirates Down, oh, it's probably
just by the same company.
My Giraffe, A Christ Moose Story.
Jill and Joy's, okay, whatever.
Trolley, Home Sweet Home.
Mr. Keeker, and it just says Mr. Frog on the actual thing.
Okay, all right, whatever.
Here we go.
So we got, let's do a vote for Mars Attacks.
I'll vote for Mars Attacks.
Well, that's a unanimous vote.
Mars Attacks wins.
All right guys, so the movie for next week is Mars Attacks.
Fuck yeah, dude, that's an excellent choice for once.
Is that the movie I'm thinking of?
I'm pulling it up just for a second.
I'm just curious.
It's the one you're thinking of.
It's definitely.
I almost.
I saw it way, is it got.
You should go into it as blind as you can.
Well, it's like I'm pulling it up just for a second.
I just wanna know.
Who directed that one?
If it's the one I'm thinking of,
it has David Duchovny in it.
Yeah.
It has David Duchovny, that's all you need to know.
It was great.
Yeah, what'd you do?
Just my TV sometimes needs a second to connect to HDR.
HDR, yeah.
Interesting.
It's David Duchovny, right?
Sorry.
Oh, no, it's not.
It's an older TV.
It's not, I may not have seen this movie.
What?
I was thinking of the David Duchovny movie, which is.
I forgot Tim Burton directed this.
That's not it.
Yo, no, David Duchovny.
No, it's not that movie.
Is not in this, is it?
Yeah, he is.
No, he isn't.
No, he's not.
It's a different movie we're thinking of.
That's what I said.
No, that you're thinking of.
I know what Mars Attacks is.
I've seen this movie a thousand fucking times.
I love this movie.
It's Tim Burton, bro.
It's such great.
Jack Nicholson.
Yeah, Jack Nicholson's in it.
Yeah, yeah.
It's the.
Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is like.
You've never seen Mars Attacks.
I might have, but I don't remember.
David is in there?
Dude, this was.
I would have remembered that.
Jack Black is in this.
Yeah.
A young Jack Black.
Yeah, he has like shaved head.
I think I've seen pieces of him in every the whole movie.
All right, well now we can.
That's good.
We'll get into it.
All right, so that is the movie for next week.
What a good episode, guys.
It's a little bit, yeah, we'll get going right now.
So.
Well, we gotta watch that.
What?
Before you guys leave, we gotta watch that.
Oh yeah, the one thing you haven't talked about?
Yeah.
That nine minute animated.
No, no, no, no.
No, he's got.
No, he doesn't talk about the.
Get that off you.
That's the autistic version of the.
That's all I've been thinking about.
What are you guys talking about?
What's over, Andy?
What do we gotta fucking watch?
The RoboCop thing.
RoboCop thing.
But we can't do that until after the episode's over.
Watch, what about, we just talked about.
I sent it in the group chat.
Oh my God, yeah, Jesus Christ.
I got my own priorities in my head, okay?
All right, listen, we're gonna listen to low-fi,
hot beats to relax and study too.
This has been Fried Rice Park.
Oh, okay, so with me as always is Michael.
Cellios.
I fucking hate this Cellios thing so much.
I can't even, look, okay, we watched Crank.
The main guy's name is Cellios.
Because he can't die, Mike's leaned into the fact
that he's Cellios.
And now every time I introduce him, he's like, Cellios.
And he thinks he makes him.
He's not fucking in the street or doing high voltage.
I know, he's not doing any high voltage stuff.
All things I do.
Him drinking that soda right now is high voltage
because of his fucking heart attack.
Every day is Crank for him.
Exactly!
He stands up. Thank you.
He stands up, the adrenaline is just another.
That's your fastest Crank.
Yeah, exactly.
So knowing that, it's Michael, the most adrenaline-fueled,
cranked Cellios there ever was, Larson.
Have a good week, everybody.
We have Zackey,
Improv.
We miss him.
We love him.
We wish we had more of him.
Cali.
C'mon.
Fuck you.
And with us is always,
is Brennan.
Everybody together.
Da da da da da da da da da.
Sharply up top Boston.
Have a good night everybody.
And I have been your host Andy Rice.
This has been my pick this week, Southland Tales.
We all loved it, every one of us and whole crew,
all of Fried Rice.
And this has been fun.
Parentheses with the best.
We will, hope you guys had a good day,
have a good night, whatever, goodbye.
7 OUT OF Area