RockHeylotSkinner
And welcome to the most product placement episode ever of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host Andy Rice.
Let's get fried.
With me as always is, I gotta actually play this to then pause it, Brandon.
Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
shiply up to Boston.
Hello everybody.
And then I play it and then I pause it.
Okay.
With us as always, it's Austin, drove a shitload of McMiles to be here today.
Feral.
Check me out at Blimpies.
Oh ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us.
This is a very fun special episode because the movie that we picked, which is really
all I can think about right now, like I don't even have bullshit to talk about prior to
this.
I almost wanted to just jump straight into it.
But let's do the what are we smoking?
I guess we can jump straight into that.
What are we smoking?
You brought it.
I brought it.
So this one is Los Angeles Kush Paradise Haze.
It's a sativa.
It's got no, well, yeah no information on it.
But it's tasty.
It's good.
Well that was my first official bong hit after waiting the exact recommended 72 hours
to smoke after getting my wisdom teeth removed, which it was earlier this week.
And so I've been hopped up on ibuprofen and Norcos for four days now.
Now when I say hopped up, people talk about Norco like it's some sort of heavy hitting
drug.
Maybe it's because I smoke weed every day.
Like I don't get high off of these things.
You know?
The name just makes me think of that show, Narcos.
Narcos?
Yeah.
I never watched that.
That had to do with Pablo Escobar, right?
I think so.
Yeah.
The first season at least, right?
And then I think the second season they went after some of the Mexican gangs, right?
I think that was the spinoff series.
There were a few different like Narcos spinoff series.
Got it.
Because Pablo Escobar, he's in what?
Not Cuba.
God, where was he?
It wasn't Mexico.
Colombia?
Colombia.
There we go.
Yeah.
Interesting.
But yeah, no, I've been on Norco and ibuprofen.
The pain, there's no pain.
But I have been a little, maybe just a little numb to what's been going on around me, I
think.
Yeah.
But I've been playing a shitload of Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth.
Yeah.
I'm not going to go into spoilers.
No, I haven't beaten it.
I'm maybe halfway through.
It's very long, but excellent.
So if you were on the fence, for whatever reason, if you're somehow a Final Fantasy
fan, you played 7 and 7 Remake and you're on the fence whether or not you want to play
the next one, well, you're an idiot.
Go play it because it's so good.
Don't wait till it drops on PC or whatever.
Go buy a PlayStation 5 and play it.
It's very good.
They made a lot of cool changes.
I like it a lot.
What's been up with you this week?
Oh, by the way, tell us what you brought in today because this is amazing.
Oh, yeah.
So I mean, the movie was Mackamey, obviously.
Yeah.
So I'm on my way here, my mini McMiles that I drove here.
I used to work at McDonald's, so I thought I'd stop at McDonald's to get a few Big Macs
and some sodas because it's going to be talked about in the movie.
I also have my old shirt that I stole from McDonald's and my name tag that I stole from
McDonald's, which the statute of limitations has passed, so we're good.
It has you at...
That's my old name tag.
Why does it say Justin?
It says Austin.
Oh.
It's just greasy because I busted my ass there and my name tag is all crusty.
I thought you were doing the thing that the chick from Superstore does where every day
she puts on a different person's name tag.
So that way, yeah, I think she justifies it in the first episode where she goes like,
I don't want strangers knowing my fucking name.
So she just puts on like a random name tag and it's pretty funny.
Yeah.
So he looks like we got a McDonald's employee, an official McDonald's employee, one of the
new Japanese anime ones.
Next.
Well, they will let me back.
They always do.
I've quit there so many different ways and never good ways and they just always hire
me back.
I don't know fucking why.
Both McDonald's and Havasu, I've worked at both of them several different times and then
I always get a better job where something happens and I just like, here's my uniform
bye.
That's it.
So if you're in Havasu looking for a job, McDonald's is desperate.
They will take your ass.
For real.
But yeah, we'll get into McEmeat in just a bit.
I also have some weed here.
It's the ounce that I completely forgot or half ounce that I completely forgot I bought
the few weeks ago until I found it randomly.
501 OG is what it's called.
From Mojave Reserve.
Right?
Is that Mojave Reserve?
No.
Yeah.
Mojave is cannabis company.
Is that the same?
I think so.
I'm pretty sure it's the same company.
Yeah, did they change their name?
It used to be Mojave Reserve, right?
Yeah.
I guess now it's Mojave Cannabis Company.
There can't be two Mojave weed companies.
Which one sponsored our Topec show when we did Topec?
That was Mojave Reserve.
Yeah.
Because, well I don't want to name names but we know quite a few people that work for them.
So we're quite a few people.
I'd say five or six people that all work over there.
But anyway.
We might be, we were talking about going back to the Topec 66.
Yeah.
In talks it's only a concept right now because somebody who we know, bigger name than all
of us, wants to do shows with us more.
Pretty much every show.
Which is cool.
And he suggested Topec.
And since we've done it before, some audio issues.
Yeah.
You know, it's over a giant swimming pool.
Yeah, I bombed.
Everyone's on the left and right.
I bombed so hard.
People just couldn't hear us.
But I feel like if we, you know, we, trial and error, you know.
If we tried it again, maybe put some speakers out there, get the long cords, put it out
there so people can actually hear us and pay attention to us.
Because like, my friend was eating, he brought his date and was eating in the little building
all the way at the end of the pool.
He said he could hear us just fine.
Because I was getting, people on the sides of the pool couldn't hear us very well.
Like, I know that I bombed.
We did what, three shows there?
Two?
Did we do two?
We were supposed to do three maybe?
I think we were supposed to do three and then we were like, nah.
Yeah, so we did two.
And I know that on the second one, I think I, and this was, to be fair, I didn't really
know who Burt Kreischer was at the time.
I didn't know his whole bit was taking off his shirt.
Somebody yelled.
Somebody yelled out, take your shirt off, for some reason and I did it.
Because I was like, fuck it, I'm bombing so hard up here, I might as well do it with the
audience once.
And I just sat there, just fat belly out, you know, just fucking.
I thought you were going to jump in the pool.
I thought I was going to jump in the pool too and I didn't.
Because they told us we couldn't jump off the stage into the pool, which would have
been totally rock star meat to do.
But I could have, I guess, gone down on the side of the pool and jumped in.
But that would have looked kind of lame.
So hold on.
My brother came to that show all the way from California and he would not talk to me after
a joke I told about him for like the whole rest of the night.
I told a story about when me and my brother were kids and my friend Kyle, who was also
there, we had a community swimming pool in our neighborhood.
We went swimming in it.
My brother took a shit in the pool and there was like, it wasn't like one turd floating
around.
There was like a whole bunch of little nuggets just floating around this pool.
And then me and my friend like jumped out.
Everyone jumped out and nobody would own up to who was the poopitraider.
It turns out it was my brother and like this guy.
Older or younger?
Younger brother.
And he was really embarrassed about it.
And I guess this one guy who was like on the neighborhood, like counselor, whatever, HOA,
you know, those pieces of shit.
And he came to our house and talked to my dad.
My dad almost fought the guy because the guy was trying to tell my dad, oh, you got to
pay to like clean the drain, the pool and all this shit.
The fuck he does.
How old was your brother at the time?
He was like seven.
Oh, fuck.
He has to pay for that.
And we did so much worse shit to that.
We used to take our scooters in the pool and like, like do tricks and like, oh, can
we climb on the roof of the little pool house bathroom?
He was just waiting for something.
He was like, you know what?
I got him on the shit thing.
That's a provable thing.
I can't get him for the scooter bullshit, but we're like, fuck you, Mr. Lady.
I gotta say every, every like community pool has a shit day where something happens.
They have to drain the pool and clean it.
Like every community I've ever been to.
And I told that story and he was so mad at me for bringing it up.
He's like, I've tried to forget about this for like 20 years.
Well, then this is a perfect segue into my story about my little sister, uh, that she
got mad at me for sharing.
Uh, so my little sister, I come home one day at one night.
It's probably two or three in the morning and I'm pulling into our driveway and I see
something just in the driveway.
So I stopped kind of at the edge.
We have one of those half circle driveways and I was coming in from one end cause my
parents parked on the other side and uh, I get out of the car and I see just a, just
a pile of human shit on the driveway.
And I'm like, I didn't even think of the word poopitrainer, but if I did, I was like, who's
the poopitrainer?
But then I look four or five feet to the right and my little sister's just passed out, like
drunk on the ground sleeping.
This is adult sister.
She seems so nice when she was here for the die hard episode.
Yeah.
So she, yeah, no, no.
It's just her drunk asleep, her pants are halfway down and there's just some human shit
like four or five feet away.
That means she pulled her pants back up and then passed out.
I got a boop and then put these back on.
I think she left them down.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, like she, she pulled her pants down, took a shit and then just kind of probably
fell and rolled over a few times.
Joking for taste.
That's the worst part of the story.
Right?
But, uh, yeah, she hates when I tell that story.
Yeah.
Oh, every time, every time, every time I've told that story, every Christmas, that was
a couple of Thanksgiving's ago.
She was very young at the time.
I think she's, she's close.
She's 30 now.
She's 30 something now.
So that was maybe when she was literally just teen, like 18, 19, maybe 16, 17, 18, 19.
Like right when she was drinking heavy, when she shouldn't have been and getting into shenanigans
with her friend, Naima.
Shitnanigans.
Welcome to shitnanigans.
How many pieces of flair do you have?
God, I wish, I wish office space was on fucking Tubi.
Have you ever seen that one?
Oh dude, I love that movie so much.
I love Mike Judd, Judge?
Mike Judge.
Yeah.
Because Beavis and Butthead, underrated, there's some absolute bangers in that, in that series.
Not every episode's great.
Daria, every single episode is great.
That's one of the best written cartoon, adult cartoons.
They're like, it's start, like that's one of my absolute favorites.
There's a musical episode, it's a banger.
Then you have King of the fucking Hill and King of the fucking Hill is amazing.
Amazing, almost, I think every episode of that's pretty much perfect.
There might be one or two misses.
Favorite episode, did we already do that on the show?
Favorite King of the Hill episode?
No, but I'm rewatching it right now.
Why is that series, that whole whodunit, the lady that, it turned out she shot herself
climbing into the dumpster and the whole, it was outside of Goober snooches?
I don't remember that one.
What, how late in the show is that?
Ah, like maybe mid, late mid.
I might be catching up on that right now then.
That one and then the one where like Peggy falls out of the sky and everyone's just shy?
But they, the Peggy falling out of the sky thing is one of the few times that there's
continuity in the series because she, in the next episode is fucked up, right?
Wasn't it a season finale?
It was a season finale and then the next, the first episode of the next season she was
fucked up but then she heals but she, I think takes, she, while all of this is going on
she, they, I mean they reference the, they reference the falling out of the plane thing
I think a couple times but then also she takes over a business like a restaurant because
she needs to get back out there because after like falling she's like needs purpose in her
life or whatever.
Like I think and she goes and takes over one of Bud Strickland's, his barbecue restaurant
and she changes everything about it and she's like really leaning into what is just a on
paper formality so that they don't take it from him in the divorce.
Like he's like Hank I'm giving you the restaurant so they don't take this from me in the divorce
and then Peggy's like we own a restaurant now and she goes fucking nuts on it and I
think she even changes it to like Peggy's Joe's barbecue or something like that.
It's like a funny, she like fucks it up but they reference that like a few episodes later
Hank goes like I know that you really enjoyed running your own business but we don't have
the restaurant anymore and then moved on.
I was like what is Kingly Hill doing?
It doesn't address previous things that have happened.
The characters stay ageless.
It's like you're just watching a slice of one year of mid 90's where technology is constantly
changing because they don't even think they, I don't think they use cell phones but do
the TVs upgrade?
Like the Simpsons have upgraded their TV.
It's a noticeable thing.
They don't have the box anymore.
They have a flat screen TV now.
But they have cell phones too now don't they and the Simpsons?
Yeah they must.
Of course they have cell phones.
It's modern day.
Simpsons always takes place in the modern day.
Almost future because they predict so much shit.
They have.
But I think if you make 800 episodes of anything you're bound to maybe predict something right?
Some of those are just fucking like Donald Trump becoming president right?
That was probably something he mentioned in the 80's or something and they just ran with
a joke on it.
Conan O'Brien you know he likes that shit.
But anyway.
You forgot an important Mike Judge movie though.
Idiocracy.
Oh yeah Idiocracy.
So good.
Man Mike Judge is great and he does the voices of a lot of characters.
I think he does Hank.
He does Hank.
He does Beavis and Butt Head.
Mr. Anderson.
Your neighbor.
Yeah.
Quack and all from my tool shed.
Was he in office space?
Probably a cameo?
Maybe a cameo?
I don't remember.
I could not tell you.
I know that one of the interesting things about office space is that the Red Line did
not make a or Swing is it Swing Line?
I think Swing Line did not make a Red Stapler.
New Line?
Is it New Line?
Are you talking about the studio?
No no the Stapler Company.
Oh Red Line.
Swing Line.
I think Swing Line did not make a Red Stapler.
They made it special for the movie.
Because he obsessed over it the amount of public outrage that there wasn't a Red Stapler
available now it's their number one selling Stapler.
They made a Red Stapler.
It's all anyone buys.
If you're going to buy Swing Line Stapler you're going to buy the Red one.
Because why wouldn't you buy the Red Stapler?
It's my Red Stapler.
You know and you would do it every time.
I'm going to read Stapler.
Every time I would pick it up.
Yeah Milton.
It was based off of a comic.
Really?
Yeah that character is based off of a comic.
I don't know if it's a Mike Judge comic or some other comic but yeah Milton.
That me and my skateboard.
Oh.
They stick the building on fire.
It's like all built around that guy.
I'm going to like the whole place on fire.
I love that.
So good.
Well.
I've been.
What?
Oh yeah.
I've been playing a lot of this game.
This new game that my friend got me into called Ark Survival Ascended.
We talked about this the other day.
So now you're really into it.
I like it because I have someone.
If I was playing it alone I probably wouldn't be that into it.
But I have someone to play it with online.
Are you familiar with Ark Survival?
I've never played it but I'm familiar with it.
It's new to me.
I haven't played any of the other ones or first one or whatever.
This is the second one.
It's new and it's just like it's Minecraft combined with Rust but there's dinosaurs.
Yeah I hate all of that.
I mean I liked Minecraft.
So okay this is a little hypocritical.
I liked Minecraft but only because I was playing with a friend like you said.
And we were so stupid.
We decided to make a I think like an eight by eight.
Just eight by eight and we would just go in one direction forever.
And we would just lay down tracks as we went.
So we'd make the longest possible like rail car that we could make.
Just make sure no matter what happened if there was ocean in front of us we would build
up just to get to that level to do our eight by eight.
You know like whatever.
And we did that for a couple weeks.
We just wasted real actual life.
Like real life to do this.
And I realized I can't get into these games anymore.
I can't do a survival game because the idea of having to survive in these games is kind
of cool.
I like that.
Like feed your hunger bar.
Feed your.
Does that have this.
Does this have hunger and thirst and all that?
Hunger, thirst, torpidity.
So if you're really thirsty or really hungry you pass out.
A lot of different survival elements.
You can tame animals and each animal has its own properties.
Like when animals are good at getting rocks.
You build bases and there's like small tribes.
So there's other groups of people that are playing and they're in their own tribe.
And like it's constantly online.
So when you log out of the game you're asleep on the floor.
And people can come break into your base and like pick up your body and put you in a cage
and take all your shit.
Can they kill you when you're asleep?
They can kill you.
They can definitely kill you.
They'll take.
A lot of people.
That's what we're doing with.
We have this base with like upgraded walls and people just are so good at the game they'll
create C4 and blow through your walls and open all your storage chests and take all
your iron and shit.
And there's another new thing where you can write.
You can get a paintbrush and you can paint on whatever you want.
You can paint on people.
We found a guy that raided us.
We broke into his house, took his body, put him in a cage and my friend wrote a gay slur
on his back.
Oh god.
Jesus.
And lost him in a cage.
And when you're locked in a cage your only choice is to kill yourself.
That's what I've seen.
I've seen a lot of videos of people that make like trap houses and stuff like that where
they just build.
Just traps everywhere.
I have one.
It looks like a hidden entrance and you climb up a ladder and when you get to the top you
fall in a hole.
You're stuck there.
Okay.
This sounds pretty cool.
I think there's one guy on YouTube that he makes the traps and he waits for people to
go in them.
Basically sets it up like they're coming in to loot them.
And once they fall in the trap it's like alright we're going to play a little game.
And it does like a jigsaw.
The song?
Yeah.
Jigsaw themed stuff.
That's funny.
That's cool.
Maybe I was wrong.
I think the thing is I had a friend that, I told you this, I had a friend that played
so much Ark that I would, I didn't want anything to do.
We lived together at the time and he would just, all it would be is just Ark, Ark, Ark,
Ark, Ark, Ark.
All he would talk about, all he would do, all he would play and I got sick of it.
What do you think he's doing now?
How about playing Ark?
Yeah.
Right now.
He's probably writing Geyslers on your back.
Did you know what his username was?
Just so I can, because it's cross platform so I'm hoping I don't run into him on the
same server.
No I don't.
If you're a boss or a trench kid I'm going to fucking kill you.
In real life.
For big, no, kill you in Ark.
That's a popular thing, I'm going to fucking kill you in Minecraft.
It's the only way you can get away with it.
Speaking of getting away with murder or not, I'm pretty happy that that one dude got sentenced
to life.
I mean we don't really get into news or politics but I just saw this today.
The guy that shot and killed some 20 year old chick because she pulled into his driveway
on accident because she got lost and thought it was the wrong address.
So she pulls in and this guy just takes a shotgun out and fucking fires a couple rounds
into the car, hits her in the neck and she died, right?
They showed the judge today, I saw the video and he was just like, this is like, you were
in court talking about how you have plans to do some off road racing in the future.
You took someone's life and you feel like you're justified in doing it.
They were just some teenagers who pulled into the driveway and were leaving as you shot
them.
I think you do it again.
No, they weren't just shot just because there was someone there.
Yeah because someone pulled into his driveway, he thought, I'm legally allowed to defend
myself and fired.
Not to that level but I can see where his head was at.
I don't understand.
Someone pulls up, someone walks out by that window, I'm getting up and I'm like, who the
fuck is that?
Exactly.
If someone I don't know knocks on my door, I grab my gun and just put it next to the
door before I answer it.
I'm not holding the gun, I'm not planning on doing anything.
If I don't know someone, especially depending on the time of day, if it's middle of the
day, fuck it, I don't care, that's just some salesman, but Dario and I once were in here
and at like two in the morning we had some hard banging on the door.
Is Dario your gun?
You put Dario by the door?
Well yeah, you don't need a fucking gun.
It's like, hey guys, I'm not loaded but I have a Dario.
But no, we grabbed our guns and we answered the door.
It was just two fucking drug addicts looking for a different apartment.
They were like, hey man, we're looking for Phoenix, man.
And I'm like, you're at the wrong place.
They're like, no man, this is the place they took.
No, you're at the wrong place.
It's like, no man, you need to leave.
They ended up leaving and I think they found the right place, probably the drug sellers
that were two houses down.
They're all going to jail.
Well she now lives where the drug pushers were.
Dude, because they, I delivered pizza to them once and they opened the door and that house,
a pigsty would be preferable.
And I'm talking living in the actual pig shit in the pigsty would be more comfortable
living than this fucking dumpster fire of a house.
Like you open the door, it's like opening an oven but instead of heat it's just terrible
smell.
I don't even have a, I don't have a good, it wasn't the smell, it was just the amount
of like, their couch was literally like broken in half, upside down in the middle of their
living room.
And there was like a trash pile next to the window, like a specific trash pile, like that's
where they were putting their trash, was in like one corner, like just building a little
fucking mountain of garbage.
Like it, just, I don't know, it was just insane.
And um.
God, I can't imagine the conversation when you eventually move out of this apartment
and the guy's going to be like, I can't give you your deposit back, you got all these posters
up and it's left a bunch of little tackles.
It's like, alright, wait till you get next door.
Oh they're gone now, those dudes.
They'll be replaced with, you're all going to jail.
Yeah there's a, there's a, god I hope she doesn't listen to this fucking.
Can we have her on the podcast?
No, god no.
So a couple doors down at one of the apartments is this lady who just um, god she just, there's
no polite way to put this, she just puts music on in the middle of the afternoon, goes out
in her driveway and just starts dancing and singing for anybody who, I mean like just
loudly.
She just dances and sings.
And then when she's feeling especially crazy, she starts chanting you're all going to jail.
And I don't know if she's talking to us because she smells the weed or like, I don't know.
I thought she was saying they're all going to jail.
The first time I encountered her, it was right when like the Epstein List came out.
So I tried to connect dots that just weren't, maybe she's just crazy.
I tried to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I'm like, oh maybe she's just excited about the Jeffrey Epstein thing.
She's so happy about it.
She goes outside and celebrates.
That's great.
You see it, she had all those little rocks under her driveway and stuff.
Like it's weird.
Yeah, anyway, this is a strange little neighborhood.
Fuck it.
Let's, we got a lot to cover because I have never in my life written more notes and paid
more attention, done more like looking in myself while watching a movie than I did with
the movie we're watching this week, which is Mac and Me 1988.
Which is conflicting because it said 87 on another thing, but it says 88.
I never looked at the year.
I thought it was 90s this whole time.
No, 88.
Five, six years or five years after E.T.
Which it's definitely a parody of, or not a parody, but a copy of.
When you scroll over it on Tubi and it plays like a little clip from the movie, it just
plays that part where he's like in the wheelchair going down the hill.
He's like, oh no, something bad's going to happen.
It shows the ride over.
I looked inward and I was like, why do I think this is awesome?
Now were you familiar with the Paul Rudd Conan O'Brien thing?
No.
Oh shit.
Like Paul Rudd on Conan O'Brien?
Yeah.
Have you not seen this?
I feel like we're maybe going to take our first break real quick.
So we'll be right back because- Here's a bell ringer ad.
Yeah, here's a bell ringer ad because Austin's not familiar with what we're about to talk
about.
So if you yourself are unfamiliar with Paul Rudd, just put Paul Rudd Conan O'Brien and
if that's not popping it up, you can put Mac and me.
All right, we'll be right back.
Hey man, have you ever heard of Fried Rice Podcast?
Fried Rice Podcast?
Yeah man, they're a podcast that reviews movies and a new one comes out every Saturday on
YouTube.
They're sponsored by Bell Ringers.
Bell Ringers?
Yeah, Bell Ringers.
It's a adapter for your bong or hookah and it holds three joints, three blunts, three
bowls, or three dabs.
Three dabs?
Yeah man, three dabs.
So check us out every Saturday on YouTube at Fried Rice Podcast, sponsored by Bell Ringers.
And welcome back.
So you know that Paul Rudd thing that he does on Conan?
If we ever have him on this show in the future one day, we have to try to bait him into looking
at a clip and then do it to him.
Or pick an entirely different scene from Mac and me and troll him with it.
You know what I mean?
The McDonald's scene?
Pick an even better scene.
Which there are, yeah, the McDonald's, oh god, we'll get into it.
But if you're unfamiliar, if you didn't look it up, just Paul Rudd every time he goes on
Conan O'Brien, instead of playing a clip from his movie, he'll play one of the funniest
scenes in this movie, which is Eric rolling down that hill and falling into a fucking,
falling like a hundred feet into a pool or a pool of water and he, that would have, that
would have killed him.
Alright so, the movie, 1988, it's Mac and Me.
Let's get into it.
It starts on an alien planet.
We see these naked, freaky looking fucking aliens, just a little family of them.
Nightmare fuel aliens.
Nightmare fuel, I put-
They walk like walking dead zombies.
They do.
I was going to say, they were walking like they were just fucked up, like just drunk.
They were just fucked up.
Night out in Vegas.
Exactly.
Just on their way back to the hotel, ugh.
They looked fucked up the whole time.
I put no genitalia, that's a problem for me.
Like I didn't know, I didn't even know that there were females or males.
Like I, you couldn't tell, you know, like you just, just whatever.
But okay, a human spaceship rover thing, which we looked up online.
It's impossible, like it could technically land on this planet maybe, but the reason
that the Mars, or the reason that the rovers that we sent to the moon are able to take
off is because of the low gravity, but because it shows that Mac and Me's gravity on their
home planet is comparable to our own.
That's why there's no, I guess, issues later on when they get to our planet.
Like I guess we have matching atmospheres too, because they didn't even address the
breathing, like the aliens, you know, like how they breathe, you know.
I guess they just instantly acclimated to our environment, but they, I guess the ship
which cannot physically take off from this planet is what I'm saying.
It does.
So that's probably the most unbelievable part of the whole movie is that this, the space
rover actually can take off on this planet.
But it comes down and it snatches up the aliens and how does it do that?
It sucks them up with a fucking vacuum hose, which you're thinking, man, that's a trick
you can only pull off once in a movie like this.
You're fucking wrong.
So they get sucked up literally like ghosts, like ghosts in Ghostbusters.
When they put the trap out and it opens up and you see like their ghostly forms get sucked
into the fucking, the little prison that they have.
That's what this hose on a fucking, which, why was it even sucking the air at that point?
They were supposed to be taking like rocks, like rock samples.
It did.
Oh, and then just kind of flung around.
But then it just, yeah, it was, it was, it was taking rock samples, just doing its little
thing and then it just whips its hose out and just starts randomly sucking the air.
Maybe it was trying to get a sample of the environment.
Actually, that makes sense.
Get some air in there.
So you know what?
Nevermind movie.
That was good science on your part.
I was like, these graphics are awful.
Star Wars came out at least 10 years earlier and looked a thousand times better than this.
The fucking bad space, like a bad space travel.
And that was the whole opening credits.
Bad choice.
Like that, like, oh, better than the steel opening.
Last episode, this show's steel getting made for like five minutes.
Yeah.
You know what though?
This is pretty on the nose.
You're right.
If you're going to get an alien movie, you might as well have a spaceship traveling through
space.
Yeah.
So, um, aliens come out, they get captured.
They escape a government facility.
They get separated.
I'm not even quite sure how Mac gets separated from his family.
I thought he was the only one that escaped from the beginning is what it looked like.
That's what it looked like.
It looked like the family stayed behind and got captured, but that's not the case because
then we see later that the family's out in the desert.
Um, just trying to do.
Swattering like Christian Bale's character from Thor, Love and Thunder.
Yes.
That big car accident when we're introduced to the family and like the truck just jumps
and the kid and his dad are like, Oh no.
And then it fucking lands and hits, hits the fucking driver's side of the car in front
of them.
I know.
Oh cool.
It killed that guy.
I know exactly.
It like literally killed whoever was in that other car.
Uh, and they're, they're putting it looked like that was like a real, Oh shit.
I thought we were going to see how the kid ended up in the wheelchair at that moment.
I was just like, what kind of movie is this?
Three years later, like it like cuts it like, uh,
And then he finds the alien.
Oh my God.
Just drinks the soda out of it.
Oh, by the way.
Okay.
That's something we need to address on their planets.
The way that these aliens eat or drink or whatever the fuck is they take straws made
of stone maybe, and they just pound it into the earth.
And when it spurts water or I guess Coca-Cola, they drink.
So I guess Coca-Cola is the mantle of this planet.
I would say like, like underneath this planet's core or crust is Coca-Cola.
I'm imagining the core is a Big Mac.
If we're just based on the science of this movie, it's a Big Mac surrounded by Coca-Cola
and there's a front.
French fries trees.
So they literally put stone rocks into the ground or stone straws and they suck out Coca-Cola,
which is their lifeblood.
There's a lot of sucking in this movie.
There's way too much sucking.
You know what?
And you know what's kind of fucked up that you make me watch one of the notes when you
get your wisdom teeth removed is you can't use straws for a week.
And this movie has more straws in it than any other movie I've ever seen in my life.
And before knowing this, I went and bought a pack of straws because I'm like, I'm going
to be on a liquid diet for a few days.
I might as well get some straws.
And then they say no straws.
And so now I've got unused straws watching a movie about straws being used.
It's just torturous.
Now during that car, the crash scene, my middle child who actually ended up watching this
movie.
And how old is your middle?
Five.
He, which I have a feeling I'm going to watch this movie again in the future because he
loved it.
Okay.
But he pointed out to me very well.
This is going to be a fucking favorite classic childhood movie it is.
It's terrible.
But I mean it's good.
It's good.
It's so bad it's good.
But he pointed out to me during that crash scene when the girl comes out of nowhere and
she's spraying the fire extinguisher on the guy.
Like just a frame or two he is covered in fire extinguisher stuff and he's still on
fire on his arm.
But he's just white.
And my son's just like, look at the guy.
Like he just.
I didn't even notice that.
Oh it was like a quick, quick just flash.
Oh cause I, trust me, I rewound and rewatched so many parts of this movie to see what the
fuck they were doing.
What was that?
Yeah.
I wrote down, please don't let that redheaded kid be the main, the main character.
Cause I didn't, I didn't look at the, all I had seen was that, that picture of the Mac
and Me poster and that's just a white kid's face.
I couldn't tell him apart from, from the redhead in the beginning.
But I just, when he, when he almost dies in that accident, it moves on.
I was like, thank God it's not the redhead.
Right after that car accident, I'm like, why does, why is he in a wheelchair?
Where's their dad?
How can they afford this house on the edge of a fucking cliff?
Like a super villain.
Yeah.
Well, maybe it's because the dad died and she did get a new job at JC Penny or Sears.
So Sears pays that in the eighties Sears pays that big own your own house money.
Yeah.
You could be a single mother with two children in the eighties working at Sears and buy a
house like that.
Three bedroom at the end of the cliff.
In California.
Yeah, in California.
Like right when we get introduced to the very hormonal teenager, I wrote, wait, no, that
brother's worse.
Please go back to the redhead.
So, um, what did I put?
Oh yeah.
There's so many unexplained, like, oh God, I'm going to really get into this, but let's
just start from the beginning.
And Mac is in the back of the car.
He takes a soda can with a straw in it.
Did it, did it have a straw?
Yeah.
That's not a normal thing.
People do, by the way, you don't put straws in or do you?
No, it's not really not a kid, but not that old of a kid.
Like maybe when I was younger, yeah, I don't spill it or something like that.
But like, cause he was, he was, how old are we guessing?
10, 11, 12.
Yeah.
I would say 11, 12.
Was he supposed to, was the little, the little girl supposed to be his same age?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think, I think maybe younger.
I think they were, they were obviously going with the ET vibe of, you know, the older brother,
middle brother, younger.
They did it twice.
They did it also with the girls.
So I mean, that's how they differentiate themselves.
Also, people did look kind of rough back then too.
That's the thing we always had to account for on the show.
Yeah.
They were like 17.
Yeah.
Or no, they were like five.
That's how like older actors were like, that's what people in their twenties were like, uh,
in Say By The Bell or whatever, you know, like, uh, but how did he know what a soda
can was?
How would he know to drink from it and know that it was something that he needed?
He just drinks it in the back and dies.
And it's like, there's a fucking dead alien.
Yeah.
It's not one of your toys.
How lucky that he came from fucking McDonald planet, planet McDonald's and found a Coke.
Uh, so they pull up to their, their neighborhood.
And if you listen to them, they're, oh, just, they're losing their fucking minds at almost
everything they drive by.
He opens his eyes.
He's like, wow, look at all the cars.
They get up into the neighborhood.
Wow.
We're on top of the hill.
It's like, wow, there's a two car, two car garage.
And then 16 minutes in within the span of 15 seconds, we had white lady gets out of
her car and yells at a black worker before even saying hello.
She automatically assumes he's doing something wrong.
Then you get a kid in a wheelchair, which at the time I didn't, I forgot that he was
a main character that he was in a wheelchair.
And so I was like, oh shit.
And then you get go across the street, little white girl, cultural appropriation for native
Americans.
Oh yeah.
One of the most offensive 15 seconds of fucking random and unnecessary too.
It was just, it was just, yeah, I'm just communing with the nature of spirits.
Like she's dressed up like Pocahontas with a little teepee just on the sidewalk, like
straight up pretending to be native American.
Uh, yeah.
Um, this is going to be problematic, isn't it?
Is what I wrote underneath.
Um, oh yeah.
Okay.
So then I'd like literally 10 seconds later, uh, the older brother, he starts putting stuff
on.
So Mike, it's Michael and Eric.
Michael's the older one.
Eric's the younger one, which I know this because my two best friends growing up were Michael
and Eric.
Uh, so it's just like, it's kind of cool that an eighties movie with their, their names,
but uh, Michael, so Michael just keep putting shit on top of Eric's lap and Eric's like,
wait, hey man, I don't want to carry these things.
And I wrote down, okay, is it carrying?
Is it carrying if you're in a fucking wheelchair?
Isn't it the same as just sitting somewhere and someone putting something on your lap
because your brother literally pushes you around.
So like, yeah, the older brother was right using you as a mode of fucking transportation
for these items.
Like what the fuck?
Um, it's just, yeah.
Uh, you guys can jump in if you guys, if you have moments about these things, cause weird
shit starts happening and uh, he's like trying to explain to everyone like it was a fucking
creature.
I saw it.
His mom's like, you're fucking crazy.
Yeah.
And then he's sleeping with a bat and his mom like, he's like, you don't need this fucking
bat.
And then like, she like comforts him and she leaves and then the alien is just like, it
cuts to the alien just outside of his window, just watching him sleep.
It's a little creeper alien for sure.
Like is this wish ET?
Yeah.
Oh, for sure it's wish ET.
So I love the brother with the sunglasses part when he's putting the sunglasses on and
he sees the alien, he takes them off, the alien's gone.
Yeah.
That is one of the most crucial fucking plot points I think because he saw the fucking
alien.
Yeah.
Boom.
Saw him.
So later when did they live come out?
What?
Oh, um, that was before, wasn't it?
I think it was actually 90.
I think it was 90.
I wonder if they live the movie exists in this universe and that kid saw it.
88 same year.
Same fucking year.
Ooh, close one.
This was 88 was the year of sunglasses are more powerful than you might imagine.
That cell phone bit with the Bill Murray cell phone thing.
What is that?
Um, we're going on our rabbit hole with Bill Murray.
Accidental spy.
The man who knew too little 1997 homies got a straight up cell phone.
Like not a fat eighties, nineties one, like a slim little motor all raiser or some bullshit.
Uh, not a razor, but you know what I mean?
It's bullshit.
This is a good movie by the way.
Love it.
Um, okay.
Yeah.
So this, uh, he puts a sunglass on, he sees the alien, takes it off, blah, blah, blah.
There's that whole bit at that.
Okay.
There's a very weird mom, son kiss.
If you are, if it's the one where, so, okay.
I get that if she's constantly over him, pushing him around on the wheelchair, that there would
be a lot of like kisses on top of the head.
And he did reach back a few times and maybe because he does have spinal debiphia and,
uh, and he really is in a wheelchair, this actor that, that is a form of like, like that's
what you would do to the person pushing you behind you.
If it's someone you love, you would reach back, but then he leans his head back, she
leans over him and they both kiss each other's chin or what do they kiss?
How would the, wait, how does that work?
I didn't want to rewind it.
Let's, let's reenact it.
No, thanks.
You get in front of me like you're in a wheelchair.
It'd be forehead.
No, it would be, yeah.
Oh yeah.
It would be forehead.
Yeah.
So they kiss each other's forehead in a weird, Spider-Man did it better.
If you're going to do an upside down kiss.
I was way less creeped out when, when totally back of the head was too much.
If they just did not have him reach for the back of his mom's head.
He pulled her into it.
Oh, that was weird.
Um, I put ET had Reese's pieces, Mac and me has Skittles.
It could have been the slickest move ever.
Cause I mean, for the actor, for the kid in the wheelchair, he's been like, I'm going
to kiss this bitch.
Like that.
He misses a few times.
Like how many times do they have to get that, that shot?
He would shoot that again?
And then they're like, no, we got it.
He's like, well, he just scoots his wheelchair.
Oh, okay.
We'll do one more.
Rolls down the hill, falls in the ravine.
No, no, we're not there.
I'm not there yet.
No, I don't think so.
Because he, I did take breaks writing notes.
That was the next one I got.
I wrote him in order of what I was watching.
Oh, no, no, we're not there yet.
Oh, okay.
Cause then they're, so they're getting the house ready.
And that's when the brother just uses a power saw with no, no protection.
So it's one of the, I hate that scene.
It's just like, he literally just standing there.
There's some wood.
He's a teenage actor.
He just picks up a circular power saw and without any eye protection, without anything
just cuts a piece of wood casually.
I'm like, they didn't need to throw that in.
He could have been pretending to hammer nails.
There's other ways to show construction of house.
But then they have the RC car.
That was a fat ass RC car.
Was it?
I liked it.
I thought it looked a little just dual-y, like fun little for kids.
I thought that was the, oh, I can't, man, I forgot this was made for kids.
I, this, that was one of the dumbest, they use that RC car.
It's probably five full minutes.
It feels like of the movie is this kid being like terrorized by an RC car, sort of.
Well, why did he take the batteries out?
Cause it seemed like they were working fine.
It didn't seem like they were dying.
Yeah, that's true.
I didn't think about that.
He uses the RC car, works perfectly.
He's like, hmm, takes the battery out and it still works.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's, I mean, why'd you question it?
Yeah.
So, oh, that guy brings his TV in the room.
He's like, want me to set it up for you?
And he's like, no, I got it.
But like earlier he was just complaining about having to move shit.
Exactly.
And then it cuts to TV and literally tablets are bigger.
Like your iPad is a bigger screen than this kid's TV.
It was the smallest fucking thing I've ever seen.
It was super long too.
It's like weird how like a bad technology was back in the day.
What show was playing on that by the way?
It was like, Oh God.
Snorks?
Is it snorks?
Snorks.
I think it was snorks.
It was like a cool almost fish, jellyfish people, creatures, seahorses, things.
I never really, I never watched it.
It was before my time.
But okay.
So he doesn't fall off the hill first.
Remember she, he gets chased around.
There's a, the fucking drill.
Like they have a lot of power.
They have a lot of like weird like power tools because they have a straight up, that drill
just goes through the wall.
Remember he's getting chased around by this thing.
It's terrorizing him.
And then she comes home and walks inside to her home.
It is covered with fucking like trees and grass and there's boulders and there's moss
and there's like an ecosystem in their home.
And she turns around to her handicapped kid, her handicapped 10 year old kid and says,
how the, why'd you do this?
What are you doing?
Why did you do this?
And she, and he, he tells her, he tells her, no, I didn't, like I didn't do it.
Obviously he didn't do it.
I put, I put, yeah, so it's fucked up.
There's a literal boulder.
How the fuck is a kid in a wheelchair?
And then I put, I'm surprised she didn't just immediately blame the black workers that were
there earlier when she saw that the house was fucked up.
And then we get 32 minutes in the Paul Rudd, Conan O'Brien falling into a fucking a little
reveal.
What's the first thing they say to him when he's in the water?
Swim Eric, swim.
Was he attached to his chair?
Yeah, I think so.
This whole movie, was he strapped in?
Well, no, no, he wasn't because at one point he crashes and flies out.
So no, he wasn't strapped in, which is important because when Mac finally goes in to rescue
him, he pulls out both the wheelchair and fucking Eric.
And I'm like, he pulled out the fucking wheelchair.
So now we get into full blown.
They think their kid is trying to kill himself.
He's seeing, like he's talking about an imaginary creature.
He somehow summoned super strength to completely terraform their house into a, into a swamp
land full of boulders and moss and trees and shit and a live ecosystem.
And this doctor comes in and he performs all the relevant tests, follow my pen.
Once that's done, he sees the kid's okay.
So he then goes, will you please leave me alone with your child?
The mother and brother are like, fine.
And he's like, I'm going to give you a sedative now alone with this handicapped kid who can't
run away.
You get blamed for this fucking ecosystem in your house.
You blame it on it.
You say it's the fucking alien that you know is real and they don't fucking believe you.
Yeah.
She's mad at you.
You're a fucking liar.
Yeah.
You try to kill yourself.
This guy gives you fucking set up.
By the way, a lot of Chicago bears, like we get it.
Yeah.
Everything you fucking wear Chicago bears, we get it.
They're something different for one scene, at least.
As far as character development though, when he finally decides that he gets the girl to
come over and they're grabbing up like extension cords and like a vacuum, like we're going
to catch this fucker and hang him.
Oh, that's later.
Hold on.
Because this whole time, so this is where I have a big issue with this movie.
You have Eric who is almost actively, like it seems like he's actively trying to make
himself seem insane.
He's not using the right language.
Maybe he's a kid.
I don't know.
But that, but like he never goes, listen, mom, I've never lied to you in my life.
There is some sort of, it looks like an alien creature.
It's been running around.
It brought those boulders into our home.
I'm a handicapped child.
I couldn't have done that.
It's been fucking around.
You think I'm going crazy.
I'm not.
But he doesn't.
He just goes, the creature, the little creature.
And everyone's like, all right, this kid's fucking losing his mind.
So why didn't the brother at that point, you brought up the sunglasses bit.
Why didn't the brother, who's not on drugs, he's a teenager.
He has full faculties.
He remembers what happened earlier that day, an hour ago, maybe two hours ago, you know,
whatever.
He goes, oh yeah, I did see a fucking alien creature every time I put these sunglasses
on and then it disappeared.
Why didn't he say anything?
Dick move.
And then I thought that this kid, Eric, he is actively to blame for no one believing
him.
He is just a, he just should have been, I guess, better in the situation.
Many people think he's not insane.
Then we have, we meet cultural appropriation, Pocahontas.
Pocahontas comes in with her older sister and she says, the older sister's like, why
don't you invite Eric to your friend's birthday party tomorrow?
And I'm like, who the fuck invites somebody to another birthday, someone else's birthday?
Like as a kid, that's a dick move on those sisters part.
I'm just saying.
But I'm glad they did because it leads to the best scene in the movie, which we'll
get to.
There's a lot of cheesy lines, like all the jokes that the brother makes in the beginning
in the car before the accident scene is just like, uh, and then, and then she's like, why
don't you invite him to the birthday party?
And then the brother's like obviously into the older sister.
And then the little sister's like, yeah, why don't you come and get a big match?
I'm like, what the fuck?
Dude, they, I wrote that down.
They were like, oh yeah, I literally, my next note is damn, those teens fell for each other
fast.
Like it was instant hormonal, hormonal, like just, just they wanted, they instantly, and
they, I think they coupled up because later on he says, thank you, my dear or whatever.
Right.
They're holding hands later.
Yeah.
I think that's the first introduction to a McDonald's uniform too in the movie.
Oh yeah.
Which I was familiar with because they changed it a few times while I was there and they
just lost all just soulless corporate black uniforms now.
I like that.
I was like, look, we made a few t-shirts for you guys.
This one.
I like the black, the corporate black.
So Mike almost crashes the car as they're driving.
And I rewatched that scene three or four times.
It is on an open road, no stop sign, no stop light, no lines in the road running perpendicular
to the lane that he's in.
He's driving on just a normal road in the left lane and out of nowhere, this chick,
and I guess some dude stopped to allow a chick to make a left hand turn out of wherever she
was, which you would never do ever.
Right.
Because there was no traffic ahead of them.
So it wasn't like heavy traffic and somebody was waiting, giving it that little extra space
so that someone could get out, you know, or like whatever.
This was just, if you were driving down 95 and you saw someone wanting to make a left
hand turn out of a business coming out of the right, then you would just stop in the
middle of the road and then just allow them to make their turn.
And so this kid, he was just, he didn't do anything wrong is what I'm saying.
That was just, he did stop paying attention for a second.
He stopped paying attention for a second, but he took his eyes off the road on what
would have been an open stretch of highway in front of him going the speed limit.
So he didn't, he didn't.
But there was a couple other times he was just kind of veering off.
He wasn't a good driver.
Fine.
But that in particular was not his fault.
It was that, it was that chicken with a convertible.
So if we're going to point fingers at women, which I know Austin likes to do in these kind
of movies.
Oh, just cause Mike's not here, it's only me.
I never said titty hiding business.
That's true.
Mike's not here.
We can talk shit about him.
Yeah.
If Mike were here, he would have an issue with her.
He would also have a Big Mac.
Oh yeah.
And a soda.
I'm not on, I'm not on burgers yet.
The brothers have a great relationship.
It's loving.
It's rivalry.
Well, it's not rivalry, but it's, it's, it's realistic.
Yeah.
It's like, that's one of the most realistic parts of this movie.
Actually he's like these two brothers, you could tell that they love each other.
They like each other.
They know each other.
And that's what I think brothers are.
I don't have a brother myself, but I have sisters and it's sort of the same thing.
So then we see what is, what is probably the first example of animal abuse, maybe, which
is a raccoon coming out of a trash can.
So they took an actual fucking raccoon, threw it into a metal trash can and just filmed,
waiting for this motherfucker to get out.
And I don't think you're allowed to do that when you're making movies.
You're not just allowed to throw raccoons in the trash cans just to get a shot of a
raccoon leaving a trash can.
Are you?
No, when the trash can fell over, my son was like, look, it's alien.
And then it came out.
He's like, oh no, it's a raccoon.
That was the whole point, I guess.
Yeah, I guess, just catch the kids off guard.
That's what I started.
I'm probably off guard.
I'm thinking like, what kind of Wild West filmmaking is this?
They're really just kind of doing whatever the fuck they want, whoever made Mac and Me,
which I'm now looking, the production company that made this is called Mac and Me Joint
Ventures.
So this was a one time deal and you could tell.
I'm going to see how much the rights to that are worth.
I'm going to make Mac and Me 3.
Where's 2?
There is no 2.
At the very end, they do say we'll be back.
I wonder if it ever happened though.
No, they canceled the planned sequel.
Exactly.
So there is no sequel.
But I would take a third.
I would just Mac and Me 3.
So everyone's like, where the fuck is 2?
No, there's 3.
We need the Snyder cut of 2 and then we'll just do our own version of 3.
Alright, so Orion Pictures, if you're listening, we will direct Mac and Me 3 or 2 if you insist
on having it be chronological if you don't like our meta humor.
But we'll do a Mac and Me 2 and we'll do full blown McDonald's product placement.
Let's make a Taco Bell this time.
No, I mean it's Mac and Me.
Literally the moon in that picture is a cheeseburger.
Do you see it?
Moons don't look like that.
Our moon has never been the color of a sesame seed bun.
You could just change it to tortilla.
You could I guess.
I want that actor.
I want the...
He's all grown up.
No, fuck it.
Let's have a...
We'll have another...
We'll have another Mac come back.
Mac comes back.
Oh my god.
The Mac is back!
The Mac is back.
It writes it fucking self at this point.
We start from there.
The Mac is back.
A lot of McRib.
Instead of sucking, instead of so much sucking, we just keep referencing the McRib.
Oh yeah.
This one's going to be more McRib centric than...
In fact, in fact, another alien comes with him and we call him McRib.
You know how many characters we could get for this movie?
Because you know they were making the Saweetie meal?
Yeah.
The Travis Scott burger.
Oh dude.
He gets some big names on that project.
Holy shit.
They have contracts with McDonald's.
This could be the next Space Jam 2.
Where it's going to be...we could shove in all the product placement, all the...anybody
loosely associated with McDonald's.
Which the Yum brands own Taco Bell and McDonald's and a few other big chains.
So like fuck it.
You could do...we could do everything.
This is great.
So if you're listening to Ryan Pictures, hit us up.
We will gladly direct, star, write.
I mean we don't have money so you're going to have to produce.
We'll do it for a lot less than 13 million.
This is like the skeleton of...the guy who made Super Size Me made another documentary
about product placement and just...it's called the greatest movie ever sold.
Oh, I've heard of it.
I don't think I watched it though.
And then the comedian Doug Benson, he copied his movie Super Size Me and made Super Hymen.
I saw that.
And he made another one off of the Morgan Spurlock movie, greatest movie ever sold.
He called it greatest movie ever rolled.
Oh that's clever.
Yeah.
Doug Benson.
He's...Doug Benson?
Yeah.
He's fun.
Okay, so the kid lays a Coca Cola trap for the alien.
It's stupid.
Just straws.
But then they're in the...in the closet.
You have Pocahontas in there and they're hiding from the alien.
The alien's in there and they're discussing what to do.
And Pocahontas says, let's grab the vacuum cleaner and suck them up.
Now...
How?
How do they know?
Okay.
So what I...so...where was it?
Okay, so my question is...at the time of writing I put, are Max, is what I'm just calling them,
which I guess they are, are Max just...are they built to be sucked up into things?
Like, is their bodies types like just, I guess, air underneath all that solid fucking matter
or whatever?
They're all about sucking.
Or...or...which might be more likely in this parallel universe to our own, in this world
where break dancing is so prevalent, which we'll get to, but maybe vacuum technology
has gotten to the point where it can physically suck...or it could suck up physical matter
and organic beings.
So you don't see anyone else vacuuming anything in this movie.
Maybe vacuums are a line of self-defense.
Maybe they went into that...maybe they went into the closet, found the vacuum, maybe they're
not even supposed to touch the vacuum because you know that if you play around with the
vacuum, you could get sucked up into it because that's what vacuums do.
And so she suggests to him it's desperate times, call for desperate measures, grab the
vacuum to suck him up.
It's either that or maybe they didn't think it through.
Well, their mom obviously took all the power tools away after the circular saw incident.
So they're like, how do we...they were going to kill him with the circular saw.
He's like, this motherfucker made my mom pissed at me, fucked up my house, fucking made me
try to kill myself.
He's all darked out.
He's on North Coast.
He's fucking...he's like, he's gathering his stentric.
We're like, oh shit, they're going to fuck us up.
They're going to hang him with the stentric cords.
Then they suck him up.
Now it was...I don't know, why'd she put on the football helmet?
Just because it was there?
She told her to put it on.
I remember that.
Okay.
So she puts on a football helmet.
Cool.
That's going to be helpful later.
Then they suck back up into a fucking vacuum and shit goes bananas for the next few minutes.
So, I mean, I don't know if you guys have anything on the vacuum stuff.
I don't know.
Visible track the entire time when she's going up.
Or when the dummy is on the vacuum, on the ceiling, on the wall.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
So she...
You can see the visible track the entire time.
She gets hooked onto the vacuum.
The vacuum starts because he's inside...because Mac is inside the vacuum, empowering it.
It has the ability to just defy fucking physics.
And everything about gravity.
Everything we know about science.
That's what I'm saying.
Maybe vacuum cleaners in this world are more powerful than anything that's ever existed.
Because he takes this vacuum and he does like a full roller coaster loop-de-loop around
their fucking living room.
Very obviously like they got...they had to have had a practical effects guy from Space
Truckers in on this.
This is definitely Space Truckers level.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Then...
Oh, well then they release the alien.
The brother finds out, which is good.
Because then he backs up his brother throughout the rest of this.
But when they...so Mac got fucked up by them putting him in the vacuum and then pushing
him out again.
And then they grab a Coke again.
They put a straw in it because they know at least that's one thing this fucking little
guy does, right?
And they start giving him a drink.
And then the brother says, my least favorite line of the movie, which is...he says, this
must be what they drink on their planet.
Okay?
And I'm just like, how the fuck do you know, one, it's an alien.
That it's not just some fucking lab experiment or some kid with a disease.
Or a guy from Needles.
Exactly.
Like...and then what I also hate is that when movies do that, when they go like...when they
talk about...when a kid character says like, oh, this is what they drink on their planet.
Now that's canon lore to Mac and Me universe.
So it's like, we have to accept what this kid just said as fact.
Because the movie's too lazy to show its work.
So it's literally just like, here's this kid where he's just like, this is...he's looking...it
basically...look at the camera.
And he goes, this is what they drink on their planet.
Remember earlier when they put the straws in the planet?
This is that.
It's Coca-Cola.
And then it's like, okay.
Organic Coca-Cola.
Yeah, exactly.
And you shouldn't fucking know that.
Is what...like, you shouldn't have any knowledge other than, holy shit, a vacuum cleaner just
sucked up an organic being.
What's going on?
And I put out, I hate when movies do that.
And then we get into the dog chase.
As far as I can tell.
I don't know if shit happened after that, but they got a bunch of dogs to chase these
FBI...oh, the FBI gets involved and they show up and they start...wait, is that just...is
this the...did they chase this kid right off the bat?
Yeah.
In the wheelchair?
Yeah, they start chasing...
No.
Chasing Mac and me in the little car.
Exactly.
Because mom and Eric...
I'm not sure why I called him Mac and me.
No, it's Mac and me.
Mom and Eric are on a wheelchair run around the neighborhood and Mac is in a little...
Yeah, in a wheelchair run montage.
Little power wheel.
We didn't...
I almost fell asleep during that.
And see, this is a problem.
So there's a scene where Mac gets in a power wheel, is that what it is?
Like a power wheel, but like a revved up power wheel that can outrun dogs.
So, okay.
Yeah.
The 80s were wild, man.
Yeah, someone...he found like he...or he cussed...oh well, no.
He revved it up.
I forgot.
He's super powered.
He made it faster somehow.
Okay.
So, he's running from these dogs and these dogs are drifting.
So there's a scene where Mac and me comes around the corner drifting his car and like...it's
pretty cool.
But then you see like two or three dogs as they're running slip like...
Drifting.
And then drift a little bit and then get back on their feet and run.
And I rewatched that a few times.
There's like a white powdery substance on the street.
They got a bunch of dogs, ran them into a corner hoping that they would fall.
Like hoping they would run into each other, which isn't the first fucking time that they...
Those are just the two shots that didn't look that bad.
Also, nobody in this fucking neighborhood like keeps their dogs locked up at all.
Locked up at all.
They're just all...they see a kid...that could have been a regular kid on a power wheel.
That kid's gonna fucking die, dude.
Could have been.
With a regular power wheel.
Nobody stopped him.
There's a lot of...
Dobermans and shit.
But there was foreshadowing.
Remember earlier on the wheelchair walk run, she does go, hey, stay there dog.
She's running by.
So it's establishing that in this world, this parallel universe, that dogs are unleashed.
I get bringing the kid on the wheelchair with you on your run, but like it's not...the last
thing that he needs to work on is upper body strength.
He's always gonna have that his whole life.
I thought about that.
That was a note that I was making in my head before writing it down, but I thought about
it like, you know, he...it's spending time with his mom, well needed time, especially
after a suicide attempt yesterday.
Sorry I put you on orcas.
But yeah, no, I think that's just something.
But then, okay, we get all of that, right, with just regular music.
Then it cuts into a montage.
Because okay, because Mac and me comes down the hill, launches himself up into a tree,
and then they literally shove a bunch of dogs off a cliff into a pit where they start running
into each other.
And I think I wrote at that point, 100% of the animals were harmed in the making of this
movie.
But Mac is up in a tree, and the mom...so we'd already seen the dog chase, we've already
seen them do their jogging walk and stuff.
They've already had conversations.
Just keep that in mind.
We've had probably four or five minutes of that.
Now it cuts to Mac and me in a tree, and the mom and son still on their walk, it cuts into
a montage of music.
Do you see what I'm saying?
I think so.
I think I spaced out for a minute.
The way they set it up is the whole time that we got the chase and whatever, we could have
had that song that they wanted to shove down our fucking throats.
That R&B, poppy, whatever fucking song, right?
But instead they waited until it was just nothing going on with Mac.
He was up in a tree for just a few minutes.
Do you remember it just kept cutting back to him in a tree, kind of freaking out?
And then it just showed shots of the mom and son wheeling around.
That's it.
It showed him going, like moving a little bit instead of just kind of cruising.
But that was just really weird.
It didn't sit right with me.
They should have just shoved that song in.
What did I write?
What the fuck was that jogging dog montage with the full song all about?
They started it too late and it was pointless.
Oh, okay.
Then he has to hide Mac from the FBI.
So he fucking skins a teddy bear perfectly like a serial killer in the making.
He puts it around Mac.
And then I love the moms.
So he's on his way to that birthday party he got invited to.
And the mom of the Pocahontas, she is looking at him and she goes in the car and she's like,
what is that?
He's a little hole for a teddy bear, isn't he?
And she's like, yeah, but you know, it's like whatever.
So at least Pocahontas has got his back because she knows it's the alien.
He convinces the mom that it's a robotic one that has new microchips so it moves around
a lot.
Okay.
And then...
He has wheelchair deniability.
He's in a wheelchair and you're just like, okay.
So then we get to, I would imagine the only reason to watch this movie, which is the next
like 20 minutes of break dancing mayhem because ladies and gentlemen, if you're not going
to watch this movie, whatever, cut to about an hour in on Tubi.
First off, first off, in the middle of a parking lot, you just have this biracial, by ages,
just break dancing session where they're just...
You're like, wait a minute, what's happening now?
What is going on here?
And then I go, okay.
Do you have the clip pulled up?
No, I mean we can't really...
I don't have it pulled up.
I mean, didn't we watch it?
I can't really play it.
I can't play it on here.
I mean, I watch this anytime in the week.
This fucking break dancing bullshit.
All right.
Oh my God.
Okay.
Volume.
Oh, volume.
There we go.
Copyright.
There we go.
Okay.
So, yep.
So, the FBI followed them, right?
Okay.
Just a bunch of kids.
These kids don't know why they're there.
They're just clapping.
No, they don't.
We got some playing patty cakes.
Some are just like...
Literally toddlers are just clapping.
This kid doesn't know what the fuck's going on.
In the middle, you have these performers who are just grooving, right?
A couple black...
Like, three black dudes and some white chick.
And they're just...
Okay.
And I thought to myself, 80s, right?
It's the 80s.
I mean, you would imagine that there would be random break dancing segments out in public,
maybe?
Maybe that was a...
Not at McDonald's.
Like, back in the day, maybe it's like, I'm going to go dance.
We're going to go to McDonald's and dance and play music.
Now you see people dancing outside of McDonald's.
They're on meth.
They're on meth for sure.
But so...
Jesus Christ.
The FBI pulls up.
This is outside of McDonald's and this is where the party's at.
And...
Yeah.
They get inside, we got Ronald McDonald...
Oh my God, an ad?
Really?
Yeah.
I can't believe this movie was 88, because I totally thought this was a 90s movie.
I did not look at the year at all.
And the note for when this started, I was like, boom, 90s, deal with it, bitch.
Nope, boom, almost 90s.
Late 80s, deal with it.
The 80s.
There's so much going on in this fucking dance scene.
It's the most hyped McDonald's ever.
Three random dudes in football uniforms.
Yeah.
Just fucking sashaying around in the background.
You have Ronald McDonald just casually doing magic, right?
You have a kid in a wheelchair who brings a robotic teddy bear from everybody's thing,
from their point of view.
But there's something going on with these dancers.
You could tell in the background who the...
Did they get the real Ronald, do you think?
Do you think that's the actual guy?
I do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
With this much product play...
Okay.
Real quick.
If you could watch this a thousand times, and it's so good, watch this black dude back
here, this guy in the green.
He's just casually dancing.
Watch him get to his seat.
Everything he does, style.
Fucking style.
He's in it.
Dude, okay, so he snatches some kid's coke, which, okay, everyone's kind of politely freaking
out.
I want to get to the dancers.
So older sister works at McDonald's.
She's passing out sodas and shit.
Anyway, hold on.
I think it's about to get to...
What's...
Come on, get to it.
Here we go.
No, no.
So, can we go wheelchair kid?
Yeah, just football players just walking around.
Oh, here we go, here we go.
All these people just fucking...
There we go, yeah.
...prick getting down at McDonald's, dude.
Dude, you guys...
Oh, damn it, damn it.
That's not what I wanted to show.
Yeah, there's the dancer on the table.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That guy's my favorite, but...
Damn it, where are the fucking pink lady...
Okay, so we have the main dancers, I'm going to call them.
These chicks are grooving.
You have the football guys, right, who are just kind of backing everybody up in the corner.
All the kids are dancing.
I consider the bear a main dancer.
The bear?
Yeah.
So then look at these ladies right here.
This is never addressed or brought up in the movie.
I don't even think they get up and dance, but there's three women who are in ballerina
outfits and they're sitting at a table and they're fainting to be bored watching these
other performers dance, which I get is like a, don't you...
I get what they're going to do in their minds is like, oh, this is boring.
Just wait till we get up and fucking rock this, right?
But they never get up and rock it.
So there's probably a cut scene.
There's random people that had all this perfectly choreographed and just got up and started
dancing in perfect synchrony.
Exactly.
So is this a flash mob?
Is this like, literally is this girl what we really need to get into?
And I didn't even write this down.
Who the fuck is, who the fuck's birthday is this?
How well connected is this little girl?
Dude, is her dad, does he own McDonald's or is he a...
Little Caitlin throws ragers, dude.
Ragers at McDonald's.
Is her dad fucking connected like mafia style?
Because maybe your dad, no, because he was, I didn't feel a connection with them.
And I think Ronald's asexual in the cannon.
Well, you know, my birthday is on Wednesday, so I guess we're having it at McDonald's.
We're going to have a dance party at McDonald's.
Well, happy birthday.
Thank you.
Happy birthday, yeah.
That's sick.
I mean...
Turn in 30.
Hell yeah.
Dirty 30.
Dirty 30 at McDonald's, baby.
But yeah, this little girl has, I don't, this isn't random people jumping in.
These are perfectly choreographed.
This is a dance battle.
They have an outside welcoming dance for children to get accustomed to what break dancing is.
And then the further you go into McDonald's, the atmosphere of you got served meets...
I don't even know.
You got served, dude.
You got served meets jazzercise.
Like this is...
So look at these, look at them.
Oh, they're talking shit.
You have everybody...
Oh, good for you, Ronald.
But they never get up.
I think they're just showcasing the best ones.
And then in just a second, this little girl gets downed.
I wish we had this...
We got to do this for Fried Rice Live.
Do an actual choreograph.
Live reaction to this in front of the audience.
Man, okay, now we're just...
See, look, they're not allowed to perform.
I didn't even notice that.
Did you see that?
Okay, look, watch, watch, watch.
She's about to go out, it looks like.
Or...
Actually, it just looks like she just yelled at a little black kid.
That's a theme in this.
Also, I just realized the irony.
It's like, okay, kid playing Eric, we're going to do this scene and you're going to be in
a wheelchair and everyone's going to be dancing around you showing off how able-bodied they
all are.
Holy shit, I didn't even think about that.
And there he is just in the back, just fucking uncomfortable.
Super uncomfortable.
And then, well, there it is right there.
So the bear...
Oh, God.
Okay.
So many health...
Right here, so many health code violence.
She's the best.
Okay, so there's a lot to unpack.
First off, Mac and me in his bear outfit literally just obviously on wires, the most obvious
wire tricks since space truckers, flipped over, over, over, defying gravity and physics
and everything and landed on the front counter of a McDonald's.
Now, we have classic green McDonald's outfits.
No prices on the menu.
In the background, you have buns.
Is that how it was set up?
We've got to ask, if Mike was only here, he was there when the burgers cost 15 cents.
You know, it's a whole lot of it.
But then we have possibly the best dance sequence in any movie.
It's Mac and me on a McDonald's counter just fucking going at it, bro.
You could put this to any music and it would be awesome.
Oh, no, the pink lady's got happy.
Oh, but the one who yelled at the black kid had to leave.
Oh, my God.
There's so much going on in this McDonald's.
But anyway, we...
If we do Mac and me three or two, whatever it is, we have to have a whole scene revolving
around a broken ice cream machine.
Oh, I would love that.
But I also, if we're doing a Mac and me two, I think it's going to be a lot darker.
And I think what we're going to do now is that girl whose birthday this was, we're going
to find out later.
She's some sort of corrupt politician and that she's trying to abolish fast food.
If it was darker, there got to be deaths.
Like in the beginning of this one, way back when they take the lander back to the lab
and it explodes and they come out of it, I just wanted to see one of those lab technicians
splatter on that fucking window or something like that.
Yeah, it looked like one of those scenes from like in a movie where it would just be like
Independence Day.
This was fun.
I worked for this company for a bit, Golden State Foods, which is the...
They're the people that bring the McDonald's.
Oh, so you're the devil.
I have no idea about you guys.
No, wait, hold on.
Fucking truck day at McDonald's, Jesus Christ.
We're always showing up at the worst fucking time.
Cisco, fucking who's the other one?
US Foods, fuck, oh, you're the devil, Andy.
Real quick, before you treat me like that black worker who was innocently throwing down
furniture mats, you entitled Karen, I worked as a security guard at the warehouse for Golden
State Foods.
I never got any...
You protected those people.
That's even worse.
No, but you know what was the...
One of the best and worst things about this job working for Golden State was it's the
McDonald's warehouse, right?
And it's fucking massive.
So there's a few cool things.
We had a golf cart that was pretty fast and it was a big enough area that I could just
spend hours just driving around having fun.
And it's part of my job as a security guard.
But the break room in the back, well, I mean, this isn't going to do anything for you.
You worked at a McDonald's.
I had free McDonald's all the time.
But I had to steal it all the time.
Oh, well, this was...
When you work at, not at the main ones, you couldn't really steal as much because they
kept the record.
But when you work at the one attached to a Terribles gas station like I did, it was just
no holds barred.
You could just do whatever the fuck you want.
Very cool.
You could vape in the storage area.
Nobody cares.
You could just...
I made so many fucking burgers, dude, just eating fucking patties.
Nobody gave a fuck.
That's awesome.
Managers were fucking the employees.
It was crazy.
That sounds like a McDonald's next to a Terribles.
But ours was just...
There was a soda fountain that was fully available in the break room.
So you just take a cup and get soda that was always freely pouring.
And then in the freezer, there was always stuff falling off of a pallet, quote unquote.
It's like, I think if the box breaks or whatever, they have to be like, all right, well, time
to put a couple hundred pancakes in the freezer and a bunch of...
And if we're going to do that, might as well put butter and syrup and all that stuff.
So literally, you just go back there and it's just you open it up and there's meat patties,
pancakes, not buns, never got buns.
But then I started thinking, if I brought my own buns, I could just make fucking burgers.
And I absolutely did that.
I bring my own buns and my own cheese.
And that's a lot cheaper than actually going to McDonald's.
Loved it.
Yeah.
Anyway.
I got to ask...
We're both sort of connected.
We've worked for the same evil conglomerate, I guess.
If you had to eat McDonald's every day for the rest of your life, that's the only food
you could eat.
Yeah.
Would you rather do that or fuck one of the Mac and Me aliens?
You know, my answer on this, I would first off eat McDonald's every day because I enjoy
it.
But then on top of that, I would fuck the shit out of one of these little aliens because
their mouths look like assholes, so not only would it be anal, it would be a blowjob at
the same time.
I would use...
And I would specifically fuck Mac.
I'd treat him like a little alien flesh light and I would just rock his fucking world.
He put up his hands in his defensive gesture that he does, his little praying symbol, and
I would just annihilate him.
How are you going to prosecute me?
It's an alien.
Not until the end of the movie are they US citizens.
Oh, fuck.
But yeah.
And then afterwards, I'd eat a McRib.
Is that what their rib cages are made out of?
They're made of McRibs?
I just lost us our Mac and Me 2 contract, by the way.
What the fuck?
I'm sorry.
No, come on.
We'll make it good.
I'm sorry, Mac.
Promise.
Shit.
We could have...
Oh, I stopped writing notes, too.
What's that?
You use Mac as a flashlight and you eat them when you're done.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God.
This guy's dark.
What's the movie rated?
It's PG.
Oh.
I was going to say, I thought the most realistic, most realistic movie I've ever seen was The
FBI guys being sus about the kids and everything, being like, yeah, there's something up with
that bear.
Oh, yeah.
These FBI guys are fucking dope.
They should be promoted.
I know they didn't really do their...
They didn't catch the kid.
Well, at the same time, if you were to tell your boss when you got back to the field house,
like, did you catch the kid?
Well, he got away, sir.
Oh, the older brother, he ran away and got into a car.
No, it was the younger brother.
Wait, isn't the younger brother in a wheelchair?
Yeah, they were going downhill, sir.
It's like, well, sir, he specifically chose downhill and we were in an area where it was
all downhill.
The whole time I was like praying, like, please, he's got Mac and me in his lap.
They're going downhill like, please, please just do the right thing and make him fly.
Yeah, which I don't think he does.
So the FBI agents, which in the casting call, the only prerequisite these guys had to have
was can you run in a suit and can you do it the entire movie?
They don't have a suit.
Dude, they miss it hard.
Mac and me, they go through a fence.
It's OK.
His legs don't feel anything.
No, but no, no, but no, they go through that the velocity that this kid in a wheelchair
was coming down this hill not only bust through a fucking fence, a solid fence, he then hits
clothes line and then ends up just taking the clothes with them in a real fucking how
do you do kind of funny mood.
Oh, God.
Now we get them in little outfits.
So now we got some dangerous fucking stunt work.
I would say you can see all the skid marks when they did it before, dude, dude, look,
this is a real kid.
You know, well, I mean, maybe not every shots, but that that is him going full speed down
a fucking street.
Right.
Hold on.
There's some there's some like near misses.
There's a really close call by like inches.
I mean, God, these FBI agents are dogged, bro.
It like good for them.
God, he looks intense.
Yeah, I would.
I would.
Oh shit.
OK.
What's the point that alien that's that's that's that one was pretty that one was pretty
close and that's pretty close.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
He clipped him a little bit.
His arm like static against that car.
I don't know if there's an actual kid when they at some point they just put a dump.
Oh, no, that's a yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Instead of flying, they copped out with a skid.
Yeah, they skid on the back of a produce truck.
But these dudes, I'm not even kidding you, have been running full sprint for about a
mile, maybe two.
And he aggressively throws all those clothes off.
He does.
Yeah.
Then he goes into a supermarket.
Sears.
Oh, where's mom is?
Yeah.
This is her second day of work.
And already it's on fire.
People are busting out because she's now screaming she's going to be fired for this or promoted.
Her mom is mom's going to be like it was a creature.
I saw it.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Just like your son, huh?
Yeah.
And then we get into arguably the boring part, which is the road trip to the wind.
They almost hit the horses a couple of times.
Oh, yeah.
I saw that.
So there's a scene where so they when they're finding where Mac and me's family is, they
drive a van into a wild pack of horses that I think they just found.
They're like, we got to fucking film this shit.
And the horses are obviously afraid of the helicopter that's filming this right now.
And they're freaking out of the truck that's behind them filming this part right now.
Actually, they have the little handling head pieces on them.
Oh, do they?
But then this is just too fucking close.
They tapped him.
Dude, what the fuck?
These horses are inches from a moving van going at least 40 miles an hour.
Multiple instances of animal harm and child endangerment in this movie.
God, I'll tell you this.
The only endangerment from us making a Mac and me too is that you come back with a cum
filled puppet.
We're not going to endanger any kids or animals.
That's going to be your cameo.
You're going to be this guy that wants to fuck Mac.
You're going to have an unusable Mac after this.
No kids will be harmed or animals.
It'll be real scary.
So they go.
He does a little praying gesture at the wind turbines, which they find his dying family
in a cave, which is dark.
I thought they were dead too.
But then how does it bring him back?
Motherfucking Coca Cola bitches.
We kept sucking the ground like back home.
We got nothing, just more dirt.
Exactly.
Literally it was cutting to them periodically.
They give them Coca Cola anyways.
I know.
They were in the desert, which is kind of like where the planet is, and they were just
shoving straws.
Were they shoving straws?
They were just digging because they didn't have a stove.
They just stuck a straw in the ground.
Oh my God.
So stupid.
So yeah, Coca Cola is handed out to everybody.
That's their lifeblood.
That's all they need.
They're getting it hand in hand with McDonald's because McDonald's Coca Cola truly is better
than any other places because they have their own machine that makes the Coca Cola on site.
So they get special syrup from your fucking GSB company.
GSF.
Yeah.
Well actually it's.
Get straight fucked.
Hey, you're in the middle of a rush of trucks here.
Get straight fucked.
I've got a whole truckload of it for you.
So they rescue the aliens.
Everyone's reunited.
We get one more.
Oh yeah.
This part.
Okay.
They're at the gas station.
These pedestrian ladies pull up and she says, get me some cokes.
Not get us some cokes.
Get me more than one coke.
And then the girl gets out and she drinks the Sprite.
Are we talking about these two?
This chick, he has a soda problem.
Get me two cokes while I finish my Sprite.
While it's product placement.
Well I mean that's the most, probably the most blatant example.
But Brandon pointed out.
Give me some.
Yeah okay.
I didn't even hear that when she said that though.
Not even that.
You get it.
You go get me some cokes.
Yeah.
Bitch.
Well you know she's got one of those like, she runs that friendship.
She's doing the other girl a favor by being her friend.
It's one of those.
And then she paid her back.
She drives off, leaves her friend at the gas station I think.
Holy shit she does.
A fucking alien stole my Sprite.
She looks over and she sees Mac and me sticking his face through the window.
And she's like okay, whatever.
It's masks probably.
I don't know.
It's weird.
And then she finishes her Sprite.
And then he fucking smashes through the window, takes the Sprite from her.
She freaks out and leaves her friend at a gas station full of monsters.
As far as she's concerned.
And then we get the grocery store standoff where.
This is, oh so many things here.
All these sheriff's guys running in pointing guns at children with this finger on the trigger.
Absolutely his finger was on the fucking trigger.
Pointing a gun at a teenage kid.
This guy's, OJ Simpson here is pointing a loaded revolver with his finger on the fucking
trigger.
And then a homeboy with a shotgun pointed at him.
All because the aliens are there holding a gun.
Wow.
That's a good old day.
I saw that film developing sign.
I did.
Film developed at a grocery store.
That's where you had to do it.
I mean you could go to one of those little photo huts back when those were a business
that you could legitimately start.
Check me out at a photo hut.
I think you could start a photo hut at the same time you could start a, like a jazzercise
program or a, what else would be popular back in the day to have like a little, but you
couldn't have one today because no one would buy what you're selling.
Karate studio.
Oh they still have karate.
Ice hasn't really changed in price has it?
Ice?
$1.29 for bank ice.
Oh wow.
Alright well I guess what's the justification on water being frozen?
Like when we live in Arizona we're like, I don't know we have different water rules here.
You have to give somebody water.
Those guys that came up looking for Phoenix, they could have asked you for water and you
would have been obliged to give it to them.
You would have had to.
According to who?
The law?
The law, yeah.
If someone, well if someone asks you for water outside your house and you say no and then
they die it's your fault.
I don't know if that's changed but that's why we're frozen.
Wouldn't it be weird if like a guy comes up to your house because he's running away from
like a drive by shooting or something trying to escape people trying to kill him and he
uses the I need a glass of water hoping to God that that loophole will get the door open
for him so he gets inside and you say no and then he gets shot outside your own home and
dies as a result of you not giving him water.
That water wasn't going to help him.
Well according to what my understanding of this law I just heard of is that would be
the case.
So standoff in the grocery store.
Oh my God.
He, okay.
I'm going to kill this fucking kid.
He holds the kid hostage.
He's ailing.
He's ailing just drinking cokes.
He pushed this kid out.
Pocahontas is also going out.
I just watched this and I still don't even know how this shit explodes.
How does it explode?
He still has the gun in his hand.
Like a gas pump.
He rests that kid for resisting.
Okay that's realistic.
Coupons up to and not to exceed the value of the item.
That makes sense.
Right?
Wait if you had a coupon.
Vendor coupon.
Coke machine in the background.
God damn there's coke everywhere.
Literally holding cokes.
Coke machine.
His little walkie talkie looked like a sprite can.
I'm just seeing coke.
Speaking of which Brendan, what did your son, you said something adorable about him
earlier before the pod started with the product placement and the McDonald's.
Oh yeah.
Yeah when he woke up this morning he was like are we happy meals this morning?
His son got full blown McDonald's product placement on this.
Back when he gave my son diabetes.
This is insane right here where the kids, this wheeling up there.
Oh it's because there's gas tanks.
Look he waves the gun at them.
Oh shit.
And they just light it up and the kids going at them.
What are you doing?
This is our mac and me clip right here.
We'll just show that over if we ever got on Conan.
Just an explosion in front of a kid.
And then you have, look at that.
Oh my God I didn't even notice how bad that was put in there.
You can tell that they just filmed an explosion and then put a little, they cut out, all they
did was just cut out the outline of a motionless child on a wheelchair in front of it.
Also they never evacuated that grocery store.
There's probably some guys in the butcher section, the bakery or something.
Oh my God you're right.
Like he's just got his head, he's got his Walkman on and he's in the back sweeping.
He's doing proud.
But then again at the same time the whole grocery store didn't blow up.
It was just that gas station pump right?
Who knows?
I don't know.
They can't hurt the seers can they?
Oh and then this chick is so upset at him possibly being dead.
Like she's more upset than his brother.
She's like, oh my God, her, her.
Like you just met this guy yesterday.
She's I mean, but it's her boyfriend's little brother.
Remember.
But yeah she's just kind of teary.
She's dead.
He's trying, maybe because his girlfriend.
Maybe because his girlfriend's right there.
Oh no, he's upset.
But like he's also trying to maybe like keep it together.
She's hysterical.
You don't want to have snot running down your nose in front of your girlfriend.
I don't care if your handicapped brother just died.
So man.
Alright so then Mac and me brings him back to life.
More weird kissing.
Oh yeah by the way, the family, they were just dying in a cave from hunger but yet they
survived bullets and an explosion.
Yeah wait, why are they done attacking these alien monsters?
From the perspective of the sheriffs right now.
They lived through that.
They just blew up the, like they shot at them.
They blew them up with gas tanks.
And now these monsters are walking casually towards them.
And you're just going to stand there and be like alright well I guess.
I guess they're friendly now.
Let's just stand around and let them do what they're going to do.
And so they bring back the kid.
The dad does it because I don't think Mac's strong enough.
They do that little praying thing.
That little whatever their version of a two in the pink, one in the stink is I'm assuming.
And when they have sex.
I'm sorry to be so crude this episode.
Isn't that Zoltan?
Oh yeah.
The dude who wears white heart.
Yeah or whatever it is.
Yeah.
From yeah.
It's Zoltan and back to life.
So they Zoltan and back to life.
And then it cuts to.
It cuts to them.
The family all in their best Sunday attire.
They look like JFK and his wife.
The mom Mac.
Jesus Christ.
The mom Mac is terrifying.
She's wearing a little Jackie O hat and Jackie O outfit.
And then you find out I guess the third one was a, or the fourth one was a sister.
An older one.
And there's Mac and well there's me.
Mac and me.
The FBI agents there.
He's super happy this is happening.
He spent the, this is going to be the most talked about case of his career.
The fact that he chased down aliens from a handicapped kid and his family.
It went to a McDonald's where there was a break dancing contest and all the physics
was defied and there was a vacuum cleaner involved and it ended with those aliens getting
their American citizenship.
This is going to be the most talked about case of his life.
Do you think he's proud of this?
Because he showed up right now and he looks like he's proud.
I think again cut content.
There would have been a scene where it like cuts to him shaking hands with the alien or
whatever I mean like.
By the way there's a cop at that grocery store that blew up like security at a grocery store.
Well it's the 80s.
I've never heard of that.
No you're right.
Cops show up literally 30 seconds later too.
Yeah that was the quickest response time of all.
A lot of weird kissing.
I didn't like that.
A lot of weird kissing.
Pocahontas who looks like she's 8 if we're being honest just kisses a full grown alien
man an American citizen mind you on the mouth.
Weird.
I mean I.
And then no then she gives Mac a little kiss.
And then oh god and then the brother gives.
That's weird too.
That's almost weirder if we're being honest.
Because the older brother's like a teenager and we're presuming that the alien chick is
probably like 8 or 9 or maybe 10.
Right.
Because how old is Mac.
We're guessing if an alien if we had to is he like 5 or 6.
And then older sisters maybe 11 or 12.
Maybe 10.
And he just gave her a kiss and he's like hugging her to him.
And look at her face right now.
Her eyes are closing.
She likes it.
And she's kind of rubbing up.
It's the same as the vacuum thing.
It's just in this universe.
Yeah.
That's acceptable.
OK.
But that's now OK.
This is the first emotion we've seen from them.
She's crying.
Do you see how sad her face looked.
They're baked the whole time.
They have no idea what the fuck's going on.
This is just a family from Needles.
And then they get into a pink fucking Cadillac.
And they let them drive pretty quickly.
You couldn't even understand put down the gun.
But here's a motor vehicle.
Here's a car that I mean.
Yeah.
Here they are.
Oh and then yeah.
Exactly.
Right now it's this alien family and they have Pocahontas and fucking Mac and me in
the back.
Just going on a fucking vacay I guess.
And then of course Mac blows a bubble.
Kid pops it.
But then we get the infamous, the notorious, the reason we're here today.
The Marvel style little speech bubble that says we'll be back in giant pink bubble gum.
Because I guess that's the, I bet you when they said how can we, it's like we need you
to do a like a cartoon strip style word bubble.
And I'd like it to say we'll be back.
And so the editor gives him this.
And the guy's like what the fuck is that?
I know it's a pink car but we didn't need it to be a pink word bubble.
And then so they had to film a scene where Mac blows a bubble and the kid pops it.
Which plays five seconds before this so that we know that's why they made a bubble gum.
We'll be back.
It's a weird choice.
But that is Mac and me.
What are some thoughts?
I mean I gave pretty much all my thoughts but this is one of those so bad it's good
movies that actually I feel I had a great time watching this.
Yeah.
What about you guys?
The first hour I was just like whatever this is the movie kind of bad.
Kid fall in a wheelchair alright that's cool goes down a hill.
McDonald's it completely turned around when they get to McDonald's dude.
I think that's what they were going for.
Make the movie just kind of mid until they get to McDonald's and then it's a fucking
party.
Dude, right when that hour mark hits, right when we're at McDonald's, break dancing,
that is where it picks up.
I'm telling you listen to our review, start from McDonald's, enjoy yourself a movie.
Here's my pick for the next week's.
We didn't rate it?
No we are.
We are.
But let's do it.
Oh well any final thoughts?
I mean yeah I enjoyed it.
I mean it was definitely fun watching with one of my kids.
Did you have him give it a rating?
No I didn't really, I kind of felt, we both kind of fell asleep towards the end.
Like basically we both kind of passed out or at least I passed out like when they were
reviving when they were saving the kid.
Sure.
And then I woke up to like my wife coming out and like turning the TV off and telling
my son to go to sleep because he was still awake watching something else I guess.
But yeah I mean it was definitely fun to watch with the kids.
He enjoyed it?
He seemed to enjoy it.
He laughed a couple times.
I mean we watched Inspector Gadget earlier this week.
He enjoyed that much more.
But he still enjoyed this one.
He kind of had some funny commentary that he would say occasionally throughout it.
Like oh they did that or they look funny.
He was kind of commenting on a couple things.
Why are they kissing dads so much?
What's going on?
It's funny though that that's going to be one of his defining childhood movies.
Yeah well when I chuckled a couple times he was like why are you laughing?
I'm just like it's just silly.
Like some of the stuff was like when Mac was running, whenever he was running he looked
like a chicken.
Like an inflatable chicken.
Yeah.
I think the reason Mike isn't here is because he saw this movie and he killed himself.
He did what none of us could do.
It killed himself.
It wasn't the fall that killed Michael Arsene.
It was Beauty Killed the Beast or whatever that line from King Kong is after he dies
from falling out of the building.
It was Beauty Killed the Beast.
I enjoyed it.
I did fall asleep a little bit during the cave scene and there is some slow road tripping
in the middle.
But there's no overt political message.
There's no lesson to learn.
There's no character arcs.
It's ET minus bikes plus wheelchair.
And it's ET without the soul and heart of ET.
We have ET at home.
We have McDonald's at home.
This is the ET.
We have ET at home.
ET makes you feel something.
There are genuine moments of kind of depending on your age, terror, sadness, maybe even anger
at what's happening to them and stuff.
There's a lot that Steven Spielberg did wonderfully when he made that movie.
That's why it's a classic.
But this was just we got these terrifying creatures we've designed in some workshop.
Let's make a movie and make it all about McDonald's.
So if McDonald's was going to be the sponsor of this, why didn't they just use more or
some or only the like Grimace, you know, like the Grimace could have been an alien.
Did they introduce Grimace in the 80s?
I'm not sure.
Probably.
But let's let's put a rating on this if you guys want.
B minus.
Really?
Yeah, because everything if it just started at like just like 10 minutes before they got
to McDonald's, it was just such a drag the whole way through until you get to then they're
at McDonald's.
And then they just like, oh, fuck.
And then the whole second half of the movie made up for the first half of the movie.
The beginning was a little shorter.
Okay, so we got B minus.
I'm going with a like a solid with the way that our movie system works.
I'd go with the I mean, I'm close.
I'm going with a C plus because I think it's it has it's a little it's it's good.
But it's not anything super special.
It's funny.
I guess if you're high and you want to watch a bad movie, I think this is a good one.
I think this is more enjoyable to watch than like The Room.
I don't like because I know that The Room is a movie people shit on all the time.
Right.
You've seen that one, right?
I've seen the disaster.
I've never.
Okay.
I mean, the disaster artist was worth having the room be made.
I watched a highlight video of Djibouti does watching the room.
Okay.
They made fun of it all the time.
I've seen The Room.
I've read the disaster artist and I've watched the disaster artist because it's based on
his book, right?
The actor who stars in the movie, not not the creepy dude, but his friend.
Yeah.
Who plays James James Franco plays David Franco.
David Franco plays Dave Franco's character.
It's based on his book and what she's allowed to go into more detail in the book.
And it's so fucking nuts, man, the kind of shit that this guy went through.
And anyway, I think that this was more enjoyable to watch.
And you can watch this with your family and you can watch this high and it's great.
So C plus for me.
Brennan.
Yeah.
I mean, I, it's definitely a knockoff ET.
It's definitely not a great movie, but I did enjoy watching it.
So I would probably give it a C plus as well.
All right.
And the gays have it or C plus for Mac and me.
That sounds right to me.
There might be one more.
Oh, it might be dead.
Okay.
So actually I'm going to change my mind.
I just saw Star Kid pop up and I was like, I love this movie.
I loved it as a kid.
But I don't know if I want to recommend that because the other movie I put down, shit,
right now I'm deciding between Bulletproof Monk and Star Kid.
I've seen Bulletproof Monk.
I think I've only seen that movie one time.
Damn.
Okay.
Well, I have two then.
Bulletproof Monk and Star Kid.
I'm the boss.
I can do what I want.
Sorry.
Austin.
I'm going to be cranked.
So I've seen cranked to a million times and never seen the first one.
Oh, this is more just for you.
You wanted a reason to watch crank.
Did you watch fucking hostage yet?
No, not yet.
I will.
Bulletproof.
Okay.
Brendan.
Pull the trigger.
This side.
What's brought to you by McDonald's?
Yeah.
So I'll go with secondhand lines.
What?
Okay.
I got to look that one up.
It's with.
I've heard of it.
I think.
Like a Tiger King.
Haley Joel Osmond.
Like a Tiger King prequel.
Yeah.
It's like grumpy old men meets big fish type movie.
I've only seen one of those.
2020.
Set in the 1960s, the story of a 14 year old's amazing summer with his unusual uncles as
they tell him tales of their younger days.
Yeah, that sounds exact.
And then recommended, Ernest Goes to the Army.
Yeah.
Does that add up?
Nah.
No, not quite.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's good.
All right.
Well, what we're going to do then, because there's three of us, I realized that it's,
we really can't, we really can't vote.
Right?
Like, so we should put them into the chat GPT and have it do it.
Randomly.
The one time I tried to redeem myself after slipstream, steal, the only two movies I've
ever gotten picked, the worst ones, finally pick a good movie.
And you're like, let's let it be.
Make it even less likely.
Randomly pick one of these movies.
You know what?
Not randomly.
Hold on.
Do I have a mic?
Fuck it.
Choose a movie from this list for my podcast, Fried Rice Podcast.
Hook us up first to get a feel of the show.
Here are the movies.
It's not typing.
Oh fuck.
It stopped recording.
Just kidding.
Shit.
This whole thing falls apart.
Smoke, wine, tape.
All right.
Let's see what chat GPT says.
What would you have voted for?
Wait, before we look, what would you have voted for?
And let's see if it agrees with us.
Actually what we'll do then is that's the fourth deciding vote if there's a tie.
So I'm going to vote for, all right, let's just do it at the top.
Who wants Crank?
Crank, I do actually kind of want to watch Crank.
But I won't be at the.
Okay, we got two for Crank.
I think I'd even get to talk about what the movie, do you know the Crank movies?
I know Cranks.
I've watched them.
It's fine.
And it's just I just watched The Beekeeper.
And I don't know if I was going to revisit it earlier, Jason Statham property, I'd probably
want to watch The Transporters.
But if you're going to, if it's going to be Crank, it's going to be Crank on our weed
show.
We'll do an all about meth.
You know what I'm surprised there's not a movie of like that where it's a guy that has
to smoke weed like every, he has to smoke weed or he'll die.
Oh, that would be great.
He has to do it.
He just rips joints out of people's hands.
I'm voting for Bulletproof Monk.
But I mean, we're not doing multiple votes.
You guys put your vote into Crank.
I did.
Yeah.
That's a legit vote.
So I put it so unless this thing says Bulletproof Monk, we'd have a revote.
I recommend Crank for an episode.
Crank is a highly energetic film that starts.
Yeah, we get it.
And Jason Statham is a hit man.
Redemption.
Must keep his adrenaline levels elevated to stay alive.
I didn't know he was a hit man.
That doesn't.
Is he a hit man?
Or did they just see Jason Statham and AIs thinking, oh, he's always a fucking hit man.
It'd be perfect for Fried Rice podcast tone, providing ample material for engaging funny
commentary and analysis.
Hopefully.
Plus, the film's unique premise and Statham's performance could spark interesting discussions
among your crew.
Your podcast episodes often dive into movies with distinctive themes or noticeable elements
such as Slipstream, Assaults on Pre-Seat 13, and Guns of Kimbo suggesting Crank would
fit right into our type.
It listens to season two only.
It's like season one, I don't know.
Yeah, Slipstream.
Okay, well great.
The movie is Crank.
Hell yeah, Redemption.
I'm curious if every time ChatGPT listens to a podcast, if it counts as a listen.
Actually it doesn't listen.
That's not yet.
I think maybe ChatGPT5, if they put that functionality in.
But it can't watch, I don't think it can watch videos.
It's like the transcript of it.
I think it can do transcripts.
It can do, I think that's, yeah.
It can read transcripts.
It can read obviously comments if there were comments.
It can read descriptions of the shows.
And it probably does it all in a matter of seconds.
And then, because this is the first time I've asked this instance of ChatGPT to look up
Fried Rice Podcasts, but there are other ones that I've used in the past where it's like
I'm going into it with them, where I'm just like alright, read this transcript.
Tell me what you think.
What can we polish up on and stuff.
And obviously, if you guys are fans of the show, you realize that we're getting better?
Question?
Yeah.
And we're doing cooler shit too.
We're doing cooler shit.
Next week, I know there's been a lot of live shows.
We had the birthday show.
We had live at Glitch Cart Arcade.
And now, next week, we're going to have, god, we're going to have to do crank for Comic-Con.
That's fine.
Really test the limits for a live show.
We should have picked a family friendly one.
You should have been Mac and Me.
Fuck.
Dude, no, there's Mac and Me.
Shit, wait, hold on.
You could have told all those kids how you wanted to use Mac like a flash light.
Wait, actually, you know what we should do?
We should make, oh fuck.
All right, well, there's, I don't know if we can talk about crank.
It's supposed to be family friendly.
We might, can we table crank?
Can we for the first time ever in Friday's podcast table crank?
Or we do two movies.
We do, or we do a PG rating, or we do a PG review of crank.
I mean, it's only going to be a segment this time, right?
Yeah, it's just going to be a small little segment.
How about the segment is, let's try to keep crank PG friendly.
Yeah, we just won't mention anything crazy dirty.
I mean, crank two was pretty gnarly, so I can imagine this one not being as gnarly.
Wait.
It deals with subjects of death and killers.
There's a service online, and I think it might even be worth paying for once.
And maybe we could just get together and watch this.
It won't be long, but there's like a conservative Christian kind of service that when you, you
could click turn off profanity, violence, suggestive content of any kind.
And we could watch the cut down version of that.
We could watch the PG version of crank that they would curtail for us.
It would just be just whatever dialogue, whatever dialogue isn't profanity.
We could do that.
Yeah.
We have a week to figure it out.
We have a week.
Fuck it.
That's a lot of work.
It's a good idea.
I got to give a huge shout out to the guys at Completely Compromised Podcast, like for
picking this movie.
Yeah.
That made for a good fucking episode.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
This was, yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks guys.
You guys were great guests.
I mean, so were the owners.
That was such a fun show.
Kevin and Cory, yeah.
They gave us hats and stickers.
Family unfriendly death while not present in the US version in the Japanese version.
What?
Yeah, it's probably...
Normally deaths kept from children's sensitive eyes.
Okay.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh no, that's just a Wikipedia on family unfriendly death.
Rated PG for pretty Cory.
Jesus, just shows.
What does it mean, family unfriendly death?
While not present in the US version, therefore left ambiguous.
There's a Japanese cut?
Yeah.
Apparently the pink girls are relevant in the dance scene.
Oh my God.
Okay.
Well, listen, I'm so sorry.
I forgot that we're still recording.
With me as always is...
It's been fun, everybody.
I'm going to learn how to play that shit on guitar.
That'd be funny.
And then I'll fucking rip.
I'll just start shredding.
It'll get better every fucking episode.
And with us as always is our own personal McDonald's employee.
He drove a thousand McMiles to be here.
Over one billion served.
He's great.
He's our producer.
It's Austin Farrell.
Kiss and suck.
Jesus Christ.
And I've been your host, Andy Rice.
We've been fried.
The movie for next week is Crank.
The question of the week before we leave.
And of course...
It's gotta be something McDonald's related, right?
Of course.
Yeah, come up with one real quick.
I'm going to look up our number.
That should have memorized.
And so should you at home.
Why don't you go back to the one that was the intro?
Which one?
The McDonald's rockers.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Let's do it.
The same one.
Yeah, I love it.
It was a pretty solid one.
It's pretty solid.
That was funny.
What's it called?
Rock and Roll McDonald's?
Yeah.
Wesley Willis.
All right.
Our number is 702-829-0117.
The question of the week is...
Fuck it, man.
Just call us.
Favorite best stoner fast food.
Best stoner fast food.
I love it.
What's your go-to and why?
Their go-to McDonald's order.
Go-to McDonald's order.
Yeah.
Yeah, tell us all about McDonald's.
Fuck it.
Just tell us anything.
We want to hear from you.
Don't say McGangbang.
All right, guys.
Good night.
See you next time.
Bye.