That was probably the most perfect pull that anyone's ever done and it was from a guest
ladies and gentlemen and ho ho ho wait and a bottle of rum that's what I meant not Santa
Claus but ho ho ho and a bottle of rum me mateys and welcome to another hurdy episode
of fried rice podcast I be your host Andy Rice and we be getting fried because pirates
I guess and you'll get it later with me as always he's it's Michael he's walked the
plank many times sharks can't eat him because of the taste they put them they put them on
a button island and they gave him too much poison like the Napoleon thing maybe this
too much it's trying to kill him but he's not gonna be alive Larson ahoy mateys thank
you we have Austin he drove he sailed the seven seas for nine months straight to get
here today Pharaoh check me out on Omegle and with us as always it's Kyle he works at
Nabisco they're making because of pirate stuff um what's up man I'm still alive he's still
alive awesome well that was a that was a fuck show of an intro but that's what you get
with fried rice podcast uh oh welcome guys um so this is uh um an episode that is going
to be covering the goonies later um oh no no this is supposed to be doing this I'll
do a header later you'll hear when I post whatever how do you guys all like in my uh
edits that I've been doing huh leave it in the comments below they've uh I haven't really
been doing much editing but I've been adding little commercials and shit you guys have seen
that that's pretty good right yeah yeah we got a uh our fried rice podcast dot com we
have a number that you can call which I don't have pulled up I should have it memorized
by now but um anyway how was you guys week what's up anything new awesome dude we went
and saw Anthony Jesselnik at the celebrity theater me Sean Perry Kyle here uh fucking
awesome show got it right in really small theater we were really close up to him I remember
when we went to see Theo Vaughn he was like half a mile away just looked like a little
ant they had to look at the tvs and see him fuck it's so many good jokes classic on brand
Anthony Jesselnik it might be his last special that he's doing he's thinking of stopping
he doesn't know but like the fact that you say that during the show uh he says it on
his podcast jrvp um but uh dude I had a fucking blast going to go see him we went out before
that it was the late show because he sold out the first show and then he added a late
one we almost didn't see him went out and played pop stroke which is like tiger woods
is uh little put golf course it's like what yeah yeah tiger woods has gone like where
was this uh phoenix okay and he has a tiger woods has a putt putt golf in phoenix yeah
it's like a bar restaurant and there's two courses the black course and the red course
and it's not like ridiculous mini golf with like windmills and pirate ships and glow in
the dark shit it's like it just looks like a miniature like golf course each one there's
like 36 holes that's sick yeah it was fun it was a good time how much is it to get in
uh 35 bucks a person for a round of nine 18 you get the whole day you can leave and come
back as long as you have your ticket oh you can play as long as you want okay that's sick
so like top mini golf yeah basically top golf yeah yeah that's dope um okay uh how would
you rank him you've been to a lot more stand-up comics than i have um how would you rank him
as far as like um stage presence you know like like because i i saw who did i see recently
not recently but uh like a year ago i saw who's the the pale irish chubby guy um uh
he's got uh why can't i remember his name he's he's very famous uh he looks like philip
seymour hoffman a little bit um gaffigan gaffigan yeah jim gaffigan yeah okay yeah i saw gaffigan
uh and he's funny but i thought his opener was funnier like his opener like that 10 minutes
that he did was funnier than uh you know the other dude's uh like full hour was he dirty
because jim and jim gaffigan's clean is that no the other guy was clean too uh he just
he was just his i'd like this delivery better i think it's because he had more to prove
right like when you're younger you know like but then again you look at dave chapelle and
he's just classic right like he could just go up on stage and just casually do 45 minutes
of just epic comedy right but i don't know but who how would you stack them oh who's
your favorite i've seen a lot of the greats uh i would have to say bill burr was probably
the best one uh i've seen joey dies bill burr anthony jeslinic theovon nick swartzen big
j okerson fucking a lot of greats and yeah bill burr was probably the best anthony jeslinic's
right up there with him i haven't seen a lot of comics i've seen carlos mencia wow back
in the day uh and uh who else i saw some i forget his name i wish i could blow it up
because he's kind of a newer or he's not as well known but he's this guy from a foreign
country and his whole thing is he talks about uh shit and what it means it's like this is
the shit this is shit you know like and all the like just from a foreigner's perspective
it's difficult to like know what shit actually means you know like it's like well shit like
what does that mean compared to yeah it's like yeah but he's obviously funnier about
it but cool uh anything about you mike uh let's see well you know i'm a big juice fan
watched the game last sunday going to the super bowl next week oh yeah was that playoffs
last week yeah that was the final game to the super bowl so the super bowl is next
sunday fuck yeah so saturday we're gonna go up to uh vegas yeah so you're gonna actually
go to vegas to hang around all the excitement surrounding super bowl i'm not going to the
game obviously it's ten thousand dollars a ticket but we're close enough we can run up
to vegas on saturday yeah fuck yeah who's going who's me my wife no i like the teams
oh the chiefs and uh the 49ers oh shit yeah yeah god and they 40 like 49ers fans i feel
like it's if you're a real 49ers fan you live in san francisco you could get to vegas it's
not that bad yeah it's a cheap flight for anybody wait the niners and the chiefs in vegas in
vegas but i thought the raiders went to vegas no that's for regular season this super bowl
so i guess they're using i thought it was one of the two teams that goes it's in their
stadium or something no the playoffs is that way through the whole thing the super bowl's
always on a neutral site oh i got you i didn't know that either and vegas is probably a cool
neutral site to do it on especially the new stadium there that looks like i mean it looks
like darth vader but whatever that should just be like the like where they do super
bowl and then i would think but then just if if raiders happen to make it then you i
guess take it somewhere else but uh yeah that'd be the only problem you're going to be in
the same building that happened to the chiefs a couple years ago uh they actually the super
bowl was in tampa and raiders you're in tampa they went to the super bowl so they had home
field advantage oh so they didn't they did not do that move the game no they well because
it was they're playing like i think right now it's eight years in advance or seven
years in advance they know where the super bowls are just like uh the world cup and yet
they still picked what was that place what was that place that it just it killed brazil
thousand no no no the last world cup of uh katar i thought you were talking about the
party the katar world cup or has that happened yet maybe it hasn't happened maybe someone
this year maybe or something uh look up look up the katar world cup uh because it's wait
here i'm looking it up right oh it was 2022 okay uh how many workers died what yeah building
that thing dude oh i'm sure you could do that for everything no because like that oh because
they were like no no you can't if i were to go to like a bunch of people fall off skyscrapers
when they build like in new york it's it's 37 deaths linked directly to the construction
uh but 65 000 migrant workers have died since the world cup 600 sorry sorry sorry we're
actual new stuff we probably can't be hyperbolic it's uh but that's uh but what immigrant oh
migrant workers so what i'm saying is they uh they it was highlighted how horrific the
conditions were building this stadium the stadium they built has no practicality uh
no practical use now ever again unless they decide to do another world cup in katar which
they never will because it's every country wants to host the world cup they built a stadium
that is just now going to sit there forever unless they convert it into something but
it's pointless well i've been there for like for the olympics when they built remember
that place that it never snows and they had the winter olympics and they brought in all
this snow and all these snow machines i didn't remember that but no and built all these snow
runs and brought in built a mountain oh see that's insane and i bet that that place has
been ruined from it yes yeah and now it's trash because they they don't do the snow
anymore but they built a giant matterhorn both the uh what's the no yeah big there were
mountains there already but they were adding the uh the runs on the slopes slopes and the
and then the uh the rails those big tubular rails for the slaloms and all that stuff goes
down they built all that yeah it's insane but it was not a winter place i will say this
uh i could probably point to almost any modern building right that's built in any first world
country and look at the report of deaths from construction and it is going to be not that
it's not going to be 37 no no no no not as high mike it is going to be zero at almost
every building across the across this country did anyone die making this house no did anyone
die making the buildings all the buildings in it like we would that would be big news
if a worker died you're right because it would be on a house building but no we're talking
about skyscrapers those guys get killed all the time i'm gonna look it up i gotta know
and guess what else does electrical line workers one right down the street here died a couple
of years ago how many skyscrapers not in the world who cares uh sky skyscrapers builders
builders builders die yeah how many skyscraper builders oh that was it i was but it was in
the auto select so it's obviously always been a problem okay two out of every five workers
fell to their death while building the skyscrapers in the 20s okay so it's yeah so we can't really
talk about other people but that's the 20s but that's two out of what was that two out
of five that's the 20s okay but i'm saying it was still america i'm saying they're just
equal to us now guitar saw that and they're like those are ricky numbers we gotta pump
those up yeah uh no i mean that's two out of five is an amazing stat the thing is though
um with deaths on the job site it's mostly like the highest rating is like from people
falling to their deaths actually i believe yeah i think that's what it is just world's
deadliest construction projects um oh wow this is okay a railway oh built by allied
prisoners of war so we killed a bunch of prisoners of war building shit for us wow oh wait unless
it means prisoners of war who were allied allied oh it could it's not a word word word
how it's worded yeah i can't tell honestly this is built by this is in the berm this is
in berma siam so i don't know that's a that's an interesting wait what the this is the fried
rice what the fuck are we doing this is we're going down like uh what is this no stop it
everybody just fucking we're funny now again this is what funny shit that happened at work
what happened anything so are you are you excited to be in the same building as taylor swift
because i sure would be oh of course he's not a clicker tally of every time she's mentioned
or showed on the jumbo trial i don't care how many times this year okay so i we actually
had this discussion my wife and i last night about that because what is people's problem
with her she's too successful to bring what is her their actual problem i've been reading
up on she has no choice if the camera shows her that has nothing to do with her so i i
i've been researching this actually um i've been watching a lot of uh a lot of commentators
on this so the last game i don't know about the playoffs but the one before that the one
that everyone got really upset about she was showed for a total of 25 seconds oh for the
entire game 25 seconds she was shown and now that's that's low because um because there
was a game like a few weeks ago where she was shown and i'm not kidding you 33 seconds
oh wow so i get it i get it and here's the thing not only is taylor swift bringing uh
football dads and their kids together in a way that uh almost nothing else ever has in
sports where like now 12 year old girls are going up to their dad going like i want to
watch the chiefs game this week because uh i want to see i want to see the whole drama
and everything that means that means football dad gets to watch a game with his kid who's
actually invested in the game yet you look at right wing whatever a lot they're painting
a picture that's pretty uh just not real though but she they're painting a picture that she's
a plant that it's some sort of uh government-placed psyop that like because she's encouraging her
uh followers to vote she hasn't told them who to vote for she did back up biden uh during
the election but it should probably back them again but she's i mean she's just because
she's encouraging young people to vote a lot of conservatives are losing their fucking
minds right now because they know that if she gets the swifties to the polling office
it's going to be high left numbers this this this this election and so because of that
alone i think there's a lot of people putting so much vitriol against this poor girl who
like and again i saw some comments though it's just completely twisted i saw some commentator
say like oh you don't like seeing a pretty young successful actress uh or singer on the
fucking screen like are you gay like that's what the guy on like that's what he was employing
he's just like he's like so let me get this right you're just like you get it your football
whatever but then it shows a beautiful young like singer like a hot chick that we can all
you know like admire you know whatever who's successful and like all the stuff 25 seconds
they lose their fucking minds i don't know i like i whenever i go to a bar and there's
a game on there's always the like a group of dudes that has like a bunch of money on
the game or something and they're just the loudest people in the fucking bar the whole
time i like the fact that she's shown more because it makes those guys angry because
she popped up the screen like get this fucking bitch off the screen i got money on this
bruh yeah screaming i bet you could but if kanyes there they do the same thing that's
my point if kanyes there they should kick him out because of all of his extremely anti-semitic
views and that he's fucking pro hitler you should have picked a different celebrity whoever
the anybody but kanyes say no pick a different one to use an example okay if jim carrey was
there okay i mean there were some allegations but whatever allegations against everyone
however look the dolly parton that's the one if you want to if you want to avoid all no
one's ever done anything wrong it's dolly parton she's a hero she's an angel she doesn't
dolly parton if dolly parton shows up to the game dolly parton shows up to the game she
would get more airtime than that and that's the sad part it's completely twisted we're
talking about and taylor swift specifically she knew andy reid before she knew travis
kelsey her dad is friends with andy reid from the philadelphia days when andy reid was in
philadelphia okay so this hate towards they would be it has nothing to do with anything
yeah no i agree uh uh if you look at lakers games in the late 90s early 2000s jack niggles
exactly i didn't even have to point out who's on the fucking court it's jack nicholson right
and showed i don't know seven minutes a game maybe yeah like i said i don't watch sports
because i'm not going to sit there for three hours to watch 20 minutes of football um and
a bunch of commercials but i will say uh if this brings more people to why do people watch
the super bowl the commercials in the halftime right it gets a big boost because people want
to see the halftime spectacle they want to watch those commercials and there happens
to be an exciting game that they can share with their football enthusiast friends and
family right the party right it's the party it's the camaraderie it's like i've never
given a shit about any any super bowl come out ever but i show up and i if everybody
there is a chiefs fan i'm a chiefs fan for the day and i'm and i'm with them and i want
them to win just as bad as everyone else or if it's you know if someone's there that i
don't like i'm definitely picking the other team right so you make the game out of that
that's what but so do a lot of people i'll bet i'll do bets online for how long the national
anthem is going to be sung for right or if there's going to be another power outage or
something like that basically you're saying you're every sports fan's wife they they go
because they have to and then they just have fun and they root for that team not comfortable
with that as a descriptor so i'm gonna say no okay but but i would say i'm yeah i don't
know what kyle you big sports guy um not really okay well let's get to know kyle because you
have chosen not to speak this whole time so i'm imagining you've been waiting for me to
turn directly to you and start asking not at all man not at all so let's what are you
into you a gamer um well like i make i make beats with like hardware synthesizers so i've
everything linked with midi which is like a way to communicate with um hardware gear
like if you have a keyboard and a drum machine and like uh synthesizers you can make your
own music basically it's pretty cool i just do it for a hobby it's fun yeah that's dope
you put it up on the web or you do sometimes i upload stuff to instagram but i just i don't
really have like a big like plan for it i just do it just as a hobby so like to relax and
to like see my progress learning a new instrument it's a lot of fun it's like imagine a computer
that's an instrument and you have to learn all the like menu and um functions like kind
of like if you're in a car and you don't know how the interface works with like the stereo
and stuff and you're always learning like how yeah sure that's cool i like that um we're
gonna definitely feature some of your music on here already we already talked awesome
was already like yeah we'll get we'll have this guy do some uh some cool things because
we always have our segments we're not really segments here but we do things here's the
thing you know what i would like here's a little behind the scenes for people listening
at home because i'm not gonna edit this shit out uh you know how i'm always on fucking
youtube trying to well yeah you know you've been here all the every time you know i'm
always on youtube trying to find copyright free uh music that suits the fucking mood
of the movie the licensing is it's a pain in the ass man that's all i would love that
i would need 30 seconds of like music that fits the goonies you know or music that fits
whatever the fuck we're gonna watch next if you i mean are five seconds of music at the
beginning of a what are you smoking or something like that yeah too if you want to be our if
you want to be our music guy we'll talk about it like i'm kind of into like synthesizers
glitchy video game sounds and that kind of oh great yeah i mean oh video see we do video
that's all my that'd be perfect for like a sci-fi movie yeah oh dude that's perfect for
talking video games though yeah or videos i uh speaking of video games uh we don't often
talk about video games but um man i need to get more high i feel uh let's you know what
let's let's let's circle back to video games just remind me video games because i do want
to talk about what i've been playing recently uh but yeah let's fucking i'm gonna smoke
this fucking space jewelry i'm not high enough let's this is where we need that bumper music
for what are you smoking and i had and i had a shot of um moonshine before we started this
has got to be a record for getting into what are we smoking only 20 minutes in and we're
finally did it i think we were an hour in one time that's about right if we were doing
it perfect that's our who brought this i brought that hell yeah uh space rockets oh god this
one's just a name this one's called pancakes it's uh infused infused pre-roll uh canan
banoids uh 42% thc 36% and uh it was made last year let's do it what was in that bowl
oh that first one was uh well okay so what i've been packing or will pack throughout the days uh
it's by the eighth brother eighth brother eighth brother uh indica um eighth brother
inc at instagram and eighth brother dot com stardust og 35.4 percent or 31.5 percent
oh stardust space star wait we got a theme going oh yeah we got a space space rocks and we got uh
and and stardust speaking of stardust um i believe that's the name of the book and movie that i yeah
yeah neil gaiman oh no uh or gaiman neil gaiman whatever one uh have you guys ever seen stardust
the do not know no okay so it's a it's an interesting very whimsical it's a space pirate
movie right since we're on the subject of it but like uh space pirates it all fits the whole thing
yeah sort of yeah robert de niro's a space pirate i guess um but anyway the they're not showing a
lot of cool pictures of this but uh it's interesting it's a good movie doesn't matter i'm not high enough
let's smoke this fucking space rock uh i want to watch stardust now or reread it that's it the
book's better than the movie but the movie's pretty good okay let's do this but what are we
smoking roll music uh space rocks okay video games i've been playing alan wake 2 and uh
holy shit one of the scariest fucking games i've ever played it is legit difficult to play at night
i have to turn on extra lights because of how atmospherically terrifying this game is
so it's it's are you familiar with alan wake this series i always get it mixed up with uh i think
it's heavy rain where you press x to sean sean sean sean sean that's one of the best glitches
of all time but what i do know is that uh it's i guess the first one came out a while back and
there wasn't a sequel for a long time and it's probably like connected like to some other games
i don't remember yes um the company that made alan wake is the company that did max pain
and max pain 2 then they did alan wake i think in that order and then um they did american
nightmare which is like a spinoff of alan wake then they did a game called control or they did
quantum break one of the two at that time um a quantum break is another really cool one anyway
all of these games and then now alan wake 2 all these games are connected in a in like meaningful
meaningful cool ways that are being fully fleshed out and explored in alan wake 2 so if you're a fan
of any of those games well first off play all of them in order if you got the time max pain is cheap
on steam right now and then uh yeah i mean just then alan wake 2 has payoffs in uh it's one of
the best games i've ever played i think it they seamlessly blend live action video with the
computer graphics so like you'll just be playing and then all of a sudden it cuts to a video like
a movie like of the actual actor who's looks like alan wake but you know he just continues walking
forward and now you're watching like a movie playing out and then it'll cut back to him
in his like graphics form and then you can go back and it's almost i mean obviously you can
tell but we're getting to the point where maybe one day we won't be able to tell and i'm looking
forward to that where it's just like it's going to look seamless it's just going to look lifelike
you know have you seen the unreal 5 lifelike yeah i've seen that shooter game that uh what's
it called body cam or something like body cam footage type of game well there's that one but
then there's also uh now that that body cam one unreal 5 uh lifelike
it's a dude walking oh i mean well okay forest yeah i mean the bamboo grove is
i mean that's like this just looks like fucking real life
i mean that just looks like real life and that's unreal 5 wow mike like that's where we're at
donate to the patreon if you want to see what we're watching yeah yeah it's so beautiful yeah
yeah we're not even beautiful but uh it is it's it's called virtual bamboo grove using uh ue5
ue5 uh 4k but it it's honestly pretty much perfect that is really legit um this is what unreal 5 is
capable of but then i gotta show you the um i gotta show you the the guy dude um man walking
oh here realistic person one i mean those are good but i want the one where the guys walk and
where's this is terrible podcasting i'm so sorry audience i'm so sorry it's just i won't be there
this this one i want this but i don't okay
motherfucker okay here we go this now this is pretty much
i mean that's perfect almost i still say there's a bit uncanny valley like it's it's it's like
crazy but isn't that almost perfect yeah really like a movie yeah that's what i'm saying it's it's
this person doesn't exist it's not a model it's so well no that is that is absolutely a person with
motion capture they'll show they're they're like they have a man doing this uh that would be the
uh that would be the point because that's where you get so much uncanny valley when they try and
actually do the movements and stuff it doesn't work really usually with the mocap combined with
i mean and you've seen i mean they try to do it in flash but how didn't really work out that well
yeah i think uh they need to start using unreal engine 5 for cutscenes now but if that's but just
like but if you're looking at this which is fucking uh computer graphics right like god damn look how
seamless that was this is just what they're capable of doing is insane so here's my theory
we're looking at this right here it's almost indistinguishable for me looking at you
how are we not in a simulation how are we if you take this out 50 years from now what were
they're gonna be oh i if you look at a hundred years from now even right i would say i would
say 100 years because that way we have implants in our brains right like i think 50 years we'll have
every video game looks this good at least right but i think 100 years you could plug the chip
into your brain and be able to see this shit augmented in real life i think you're underestimating
how fast it changes i need you to think back it's only 40 years ago we didn't even have phones
we didn't have any of this stuff 40 years ago there was no internet i mean there was but it
was dial up it was insane sure that if you look from there to today take that advance
no you're right do another 40 years double that again oh he's real quick for the people at home
uh i just gotta put this on austin is is showing kyle how to use the water thing and that's not
your fault kyle no i'm pretty hard right now and there's a shit load of stickers all over it doesn't matter how high you are
oh dude i would have offered i'm sorry i thought you had a bottle with you oh it's cool it's cool
it's just i always every single podcast this is the history of all time i've always offered
drinks i got i was like i got lemonade i got sparkling water regular water we were an hour later
so you're kind of off your like scheduling part of that the first hour is usually us doing that
yeah but isn't this insane like where we're at graphically right problem though is that now all
these game studios this just shows like what the hardware software everything is capable of but all
the studios now have to work extra hard in order to make like this into a game because it's now your
expectation they worked on just this video this scene of the guy walking around they worked probably
fucking tirelessly just to make it months but the studios have to now replicate that for a whole
entire day for those hour after hour after hour what i'm saying is we could uh like so the way
alan wake has done it which is cool like i said is they sort of show they already have amazing
graphics because it is like a next-gen game and it feels next-gen like the lighting system is amazing
and it has to be because the whole game is in the dark and you have a flashlight which is a weapon
slash your source of light which makes the game terrifying there's a the game opens up uh sort of
when you get to the morgue and you first meet like one of the first uh monsters that you have to fight
you he like a naked corpse and you see dingling and everything a naked corpse gets up off the
table fucking murder some people around you uh it's just a flickering morgue light in the dark
right he knocks you to the ground and then you see him walking around you get up you see your gun you
grab it and you have to limp over to the light stand directly in the light as this guy's just
circling you fucking muttering and like looking at you trying to find you because he can't see you
in the light and you just have to wait for the right moment to run away or then go get your gun
and shoot him that is such a tense like like your heart is racing and that is just the tip of the
iceberg in this game i'm if you're a horror fan if you're just a suspenseful like you like that
susc like that feeling of like unease this is the fucking game there's no shortcuts when you started
playing this time did you go back and replay one first i had never played one so i played one
okay well actually so what the way this all went down is i played control which i absolutely
fucking loved control is a super fun game where you fly around you have telekinesis it's a shooter
you take over a government agency that all they do is uh they're like x-files they look into like
mysterious shit including what's happening with alan wake uh so they have like a whole department
dedicated to like figuring out alan wake's situation uh because they made that game first
but then i played that game and i was like this is dope and there was an alan wake dlc that connects
to the game and i was like this is sick so then i went and bought alan wake and i was like this
game's awesome i love the story it's one of the best like narrative games i've ever played all it
is is just a cool story and you don't know what which way is up and you don't know what's happening
the spinoff is super fun because it takes place in their fictional little um uh twilight zone uh
spinoff that they have called night springs which is like a little town where weird shit happens
and during the first game you watch the tv like you can watch little mini episodes of night springs
it's all goofy like twin peaks style like stuff so the spinoff game of alan wake takes place in
night springs and it's super fun um so i know well this is just for a good for a good horror
game there's only one game that like really truly did scare me like you don't want to play it at
night time thing is outlast 2 oh fuck yes mike have you ever seen outlast 2 i do not i will okay
even today even though this game has been out for a while there this is one of the this game is
frightening dude although there is outlast trials that's the newest one yeah i've only played two
me and my friend okay mike you have to see just uh uh you are blake well you don't need to read
this i'm gonna skip into okay okay just see the kind of game this is first of all that's
that's all you have is a camera it's the water views because it's raining oh yeah you're in the
north god look at how like how for the time what was this what year around i mean 20 times yeah but
it feels like the the field of view is very i'm already high so i have a question what's that the
waviness of is that in the game or is that me because i'm high uh no it's the game okay here
i've probably picked one of the worst i was about to get here this is probably a little bit better
okay okay well i didn't want to read this stuff yeah so but basically i'm gonna go to the most
replay what's the section you're like a reporter you're traveling to arizona in a helicopter your
helicopter crashes it's nighttime you're in this weird like almost like a silent hill but hillbillies
silent hillbillies town all you have is this camera it has night vision but your battery can run out so
then you're just in the dark and you're basically just trying to run away and get away from all these
fucking crazy people and like some weird supernatural shit happens you kind of lose your mind it's uh
it's like a lot of illusions in it towards the end dude this is just a trippy scary fucking game
it actually makes you feel scared like what the fuck would i do and also an un for a farm little
old fucking farm town like village there's a lot of fucking batteries laying her out oh mike see
did you see the bad guy no i did not okay oh she just she just kind of ran away but uh here i'm
gonna go back just a second i think that's why it's the most replay watch uh jumps here well yeah
but i don't have the sound on so it's gonna cut away from the uh i went too far back but it's
gonna happen the um fuck anyway just let me play i'll watch all right uh yeah this game's terrifying
uh alanway 2 is terrifying similar feel when you're playing i haven't seen gameplay is it similar
like no okay that's no this is different yeah this is okay it looks like yeah ghostly yeah
anyway i'm not gonna i don't want to watch this all in the background all the time
um cool and that was another with a musical intro by kyle video game minute in the middle of what
you spoke with austin and andy and mike sorta has an idea of what video games are mike's really high
yeah mike's just like man we came such a long way from frogger dude yeah well that is kind of what
it's like for me that's what i was saying i don't think you realize like just from when i was a kid
to now yeah i had like who can stick my mother paid seven hundred and forty nine dollars for an
atari when i was a kid wow your mother loved you yeah and it but it was insane well she was
a calciero she was paying for a babysitter but it's it's not sure yeah that's true single mom
how much atari did you play quite a bit i'm i'm a pong i'll i'll fuck you up in some ball
what year was that we gotta adjust that $479 yeah yeah no 749 oh i know yeah that's that's
that's what an atari 2600 is yeah oh yeah i've watched anger video game nerd all the time yeah
yeah because i bet you i bet you owned et and loved it the movie no no we didn't have movies
d the atari game then i don't remember so famously bad that they burned all the they buried all the
copies of the land show you don't remember because everyone wishes they could forget yeah yeah um
but yeah but for me to what i see now and then you're saying what is it going to be in
i bet you told you i bet you so in my mind 50 years from now think about that ain't what that
difference is and just make that difference again oh yeah we're already we just saw yeah the unreal
engine 5 i'm like we're there we're almost lifelike uh we're i think we're gonna go past the uncanny
handyman i think in 50 years you're not gonna know what's life but what's not i think it's ready
player one we already have deep fakes that do that we already have deep but i'm telling you you don't
you're gonna get lost in ready player one people are going to turn into those zombie people
do you remember the movie ready player one wait their their whole life is just lived in oh you
say zombie and like that they're that they're shut-ins or whatever but if you're living it
if you're living a robust line of life virtually think those people were living a robust life
okay hold on this is no no this is a good point because here's the thing i i have okay we're now
we're arguing our online interactions as important as as real life and so you could say all day long
because you have a family and because you have a bunch of your friends and stuff and you have a
podcast that of course physical physical relationships with people that you know in real
life are way more important than online but what about people who all they have are online
connections people who go and the only friends they have are on their xbox that's the same as
vr if we're 50 years in the future and someone puts their vr on and they go to work and they
have friends and they have a robust online social life i don't think that that that's a zombie or
that's sad or whatever because i do think they'll put regulations in for vr they have to if it's
going to get to that point there's going to be like a vr set's going to be like timed out or
whatever i understand what in a perfect world that would be true but we don't live in a perfect world
in japan there's this is already happening they're they're having to pick kids up they're they're
dying they're like just living so online that they stop eating they stop drinking they're literally
dying okay but our bodies can't handle just being that but japan also has a has other they have some
issues when it comes to uh like societal stress like i think living in japan is a lot harder than
living in america so i think they might be on the forefront of that like trying to the escapism
sure of right online yeah but the reasoning for that but i don't think america results of it i
don't think america is in danger of that i think america honestly even 50 years from now 100 years
from now we might have a spike of of younger people who do that but i don't know but then again that
might just be the evolution because again my whole point all of this is we're already in a
fucking simulation maybe just the end cycle of the simulation is that we all just plug back in
right and then we plug back in and they start playing the next iteration of earth and then
whatever whatever whatever who knows which version we're on we're in the really crazy one
with you about those taylor swift deep fakes that are posting all over x formally twitter yeah well
yeah just a bunch of not safe for work fucking oh they were AI images i saw some other i know you
saw because they were hitting well no they were hitting obviously a chief's fan that's all my my
twitter feed or x feed that's what it is it's all chiefs and taylor swift and that's what's in my
feed so they got that algorithm put all those photos right into everyone's feed that's and
they put that all the chiefs fans saw it was so bad every news are like all the news was reporting
on it and all that's going to do is be like all right i gotta go see those pictures now well it
would have except for i and i'll give x credit for this and twitter credit for this they stopped it
immediately oh yeah within about an hour they had it removed and they had where you couldn't even
search her name at that point right now they've fixed it where they can't where the images have
to be pre-approved for her but so they fixed it within a couple of hours x did that x did with
very impressive actually especially when you consider what they've done with x and how how
many fewer employees they have and all the stuff that's happening there they're very impressive
how they handled that i mean i feel like that meme from the early 2000s that crying guy but
leave taylor alone yeah exactly you know what i mean like fuck dude she's she's uh the most
she's the megastar right now like of course if she shows up to a game they're gonna show her of
course like she's she just had the eras tour right now that grossed like a billion dollars is one of
the most successful fucking tours of all time she's the just the hottest fucking artist right now
and the thing is she bridges the gap of of millennials and zoomers so like the young kids
love her and also like people our age love taylor right well my age is we live viewers like one of
our kids it's weird because yeah i didn't even think about that because she does she reaches all
the ages and she does people don't realize like you were talking about her tour making all that
money but part of the end game of that and with her is she like her truck driver she gave a
hundred thousand dollar bonus to each one of them they have like 10 trucks that did the united
states tour that's dope six months so they make whatever they make and then she gave another
hundred thousand yeah taylor swift is dope she hands out her bills as tips but it's like she's
good to fling some shit if you're gonna be that mega famous like you just oh yeah you're gonna
expect some shit there's like i like the fake conspiracies like the ones that are like obviously
like stupid there's one that's like there's an old show it's like an old oprah or heraldo or
sure and steve wilcox or something like that where they carry lake they have the leader of a
like a satanist cult and the chick looks just like taylor swift and they like put pictures of them
side by side that she's like this leader of a satanist cult oh that's great you know what's uh
even if she was the leader of a satanist cult people get satanism all wrong uh you know like
you think satanism you think of people are worshiping satan but like satanism doesn't
believe in say are no but even if they are but uh they're just validating your beliefs but
satanism the actual like is not is not worshiping satan it doesn't believe in satan it's more of an
of an atheist or an agnostic point of view where you're uh like the like the um well that is the
set there's two groups of satanists you're right there's one that's kind of making fun of religion
and there's a the others that really are kind of crazy people there's ones that
are well highways you'll see a side this is adopted but this highway was adopted by the satanist cult
um that's but but uh yeah i was uh satanist satanistas i think those are exactly
what the fuck i don't know that's uh i believe there's there's a little google does check if
there's a typo it's satanists oh because i put a slash on it that's what it is looking for it on
your computer satanists there we go satanism uh okay so there's some that believe in yeah okay
yeah it's religious and or exactly and or but in modern day the modern day satanists the the specific
uh say oh the satanic temple is the exact one yes okay so yeah the satan if you see this satanic
temple anywhere they don't worship satan no they're making fun of it yes uh they put uh they empathy
reason and advocate advocacy that's the three things that they believe those are the core
beliefs of the satan they the satanic temple they actually are one of the most uh uh like outreach
like they have the they have like really good outreach programs humanists humanist stuff and
they don't take tax money or they or they pay their taxes because they argue against the
hypocrisy of churches not taking taxes what are we okay hold on again it's a little bit of a tangent
this is really what the fuck is going on when john is here you know humanitarian of the uh
humanitarian of the year john john connehy uh we're here uh next week two weeks well yeah because
it uh so it's it's the third of february today and on the 16th we're gonna have that big show
i'm excited for it right and this is this is gonna air episode that'll air that they can go
to live show because after this it'll be already happened no i think i think it's already gonna
have happened i think this is gonna air i think it's gonna air on the same all the day the night
before the day of yes listen right when it comes out run and you can get to boyd city yeah come go
come see the 16th we're gonna have a lot of fun right uh all right so austin did we do the desert
the desert island game with you no i know okay and since we have kyle here it's a perfect
opportunity right all right so this is just fun it doesn't it's when i say game you can relax
there's no there's no objectives all it is is you're going to tell me some favorite things okay so
okay we're gonna trap you uh oh so again kyle cue some uh some desert island desert island music
we'll do it later in post but you can give me some like tropical fucking vibe right oh yeah this is
what this is what like if you could if you're down if you're just fucking around and you want to make
a tropical vibe yeah and then like just yeah just have some background music okay melody you know
exactly so uh we're gonna put you you you both are trapped on your own islands okay um but just
because you guys came together you get a coconut with a really you get a coconut phone with a
really really really long string it's that's it just between the two of you you can communicate
if you want fair okay oh shit what are you doing oh okay uh all right uh okay so you're both trapped
on your own island all right you have a your the house you have a big uh a huge big screen tv it's
fucking dope uh you have a fridge that'll keep uh well we'll get there uh and you have a bookshelf
okay you can bring a dvd a blu-ray like a like a 4k you know super blu-ray what are you gonna bring
any dvd it has to be a movie or a show or it could well we're gonna get into shows so i would say
movie but if you i guess if you like you know but it's but is it is it the same rules we've
played with before so if it's a movie series nope no i just hold on to just whatever they answer okay
i guess the star wars i bring star wars which one
revengeance okay you got a very specific one in mind okay all right now i'm feeling
mike gave away the game a little bit but i'm feeling generous i think i'll give you attack
of the clones as well okay now you can keep that one actually fine i'm gonna give you one i would
be like okay cool i'm gonna give no i'm gonna give you the uh the last jedi i'll just kill myself
i'll just kill myself okay no fuck it i'll give you the i'll give you the prequel trilogy
all right uh because at least then you could have the the middle movie to bridge it if you really
want um kyle what are you gonna bring man the whole time i was just thinking about and i still
haven't made a decision oh you're honest like it uh if you need inspiration about comic book movies
or anything you can look around my apartment uh just just anywhere you look it's like oh yeah
christopher nolan did make the dark knight
okay we got some dead hair cow come on you gotta pick a movie i mean here's the thing i know this
is the last movie you saw well no well this is this is going to be cemented on podcast forever
and all your friends and family will know what you bring to a deserted island so it is important
but knowing that no pressure just give something
well i just can't think of one right now okay we'll come back to movies it might get easier
once you think of something else next one is you could bring a boxed set of a tv show this is easier
like what's the one thing you'd binge forever it's actually not that easy because for me it's like
already it's already a toss-up between like office simpsons fucking south park like especially when
you get yeah you want more episodes it's the whole thing i would bring entourage oh god that's good
it has its fair share of comedy a little bit of action drama and it can also double as porn
sometimes sometimes uh and because of that i'm going to give you the movie sweet i like the movie
the movie is good uh entourage again uh underrated classic what a great show if you haven't seen it
oh show ari gold is worth it alone kyle what about you tv show
you got a way too high kyle is very high it's okay we'll come back uh maybe you'll think of
something uh all right now the next thing is a book what book would you want to bring
and why is it the holy bible no i'm not the dolly llama dude oh yeah dolly llama dude
wrong guy my favorite christmas movie by heart you can uh listen to that rant on our youtube
you know i probably get bring i would i bring charles bukowski's ham on rye charles bukowski's
ham on rye i am not all right i'm gonna look that up later really really good writer uh
uh fucking oh he's a poet also okay is this just a poem or is this a it's a semi-autobiography
semi-autobiographical novel so it's a not but he's a wow yeah it's about him growing up uh he died
like a few days before i was born does he write poetically his when his novel when you read is
it uh it's mostly stories it's mostly just like stories like the ham on rise about him growing up
as a kid uh there's he does another one fact totem about when he worked in the factory there's one
post office when he was worked at post office these are poems he wrote no these are stories
there's poems in it okay there's poems in him he has like he has a bunch of really good works they
actually made the movie after him called barfly which is uh i mean if it ends up on juby i'm
definitely suggesting sure because i've never seen i've heard of charles bukowski i've just i've
never read any of his stuff really good writing really good storytelling it's funny like where it
has to be it's like crazy in other parts like it's it's really real uh he's a big drinker uh me and
kyle actually were super into his books uh when i went to visit him in california we actually went
to where his grave is oh we pull up to the cemetery and uh whatever it was like hey can you help us
we're trying to find a specific grave he's like charles bukowski's grave we're like yeah
drew us a little map he knew exactly where it was he's like they're either here to see michael
jackson or charles bukowski like uh or whatever like there's two celebrities and he looked at
you guys he's like these are the pachowski boys right here uh would you bring in a pachowski book
um yeah i like factotum because it's pretty funny it's like classic and you work your factory
yeah double meaning uh okay mine's out would probably be like a robert mccammon book because
no kyle still has not picked a movie or show so he just gets that book yeah no no because
he forego movies and tv i guess you're just gonna have a big screen tv what you didn't i just don't
keep up with everything like i can um oh no sure we got i feel like you're gonna have a big screen tv
in your in your desert island uh house that is going to be useless there's going to be a mirror
or something like a black mirror but i'll give you all of charles bukowski's books though but
you said it's a tv on an island yeah but i'm on the island so it's like it's powered by coconuts
i'm gonna be watching the tv because i'll be on the island you know i'm saying oh so you won't
even be inside watching tv i don't want to watch tv because i'm on the island chilling you know
like oh man you're gonna the whole time chill it fine we're doing a different game for you then
fun all right you get all the charles bukowski's books to read on the fucking beach you sir do not
get a big screen tv instead i'm really building up the backyard you're getting a like a cabana doc
fucking all the like chillest layout spots hammocks all the everything right you're gonna have a bar
with unlimited fucking uh what okay what cocktail are we gonna do that's unlimited
um just shots of vodka unlimited shots of vodka so you're just gonna go vodka then you want like
a soda chaser or what do you want no chasers unless it's like a just like a sprite or something
okay we'll give you free sprite i mean just in case i mean god don't just be a fucking guy just
just sit on the beach just vodka shots the whole time okay great perfect out movies and tv shows
for a game i know exactly what game it would be he gets one game he gets to play oh gta 4 oh yeah
that game's pretty awesome and you get online functionality it wouldn't be gta 5 well the thing
is like uh i'm not like a big movie person but with games like i look at the story as like a movie
when i'm playing the game and like that's how i can play a game that um just i just think i want
to play something that's like a movie when i'm playing it fuck yeah dude that's like the island
weight game i'm playing right now it is so in your like it is such a narrative that's all i play are
our narrative single player games that's all i play like i'm not a big online game other than
dead by daylight which is uh um one of my absolute favorite it's the only live service game i like
um it's have you heard of dead by daylight the one where you play as a you play as like a
let's just say like a camp counselor type of like survivor and there's a jason style killer
chasing you down right like and you're trying to escape by like powering up generators that he's
just going around trying to kill you all but take that and times it by like they have jason freddy
krueger the ghost face killer from screen they have uh the grudge girl the girl from grudge she
comes out of fucking tvs and shit and comes after you uh it's a super intense kind of it's not super
scary anymore because once you've played it enough and you understand the loop and you understand
like uh like what the game is it gets less scary but then at the same time you play michael meyers
and you're just working on your generator and you don't hear anything because he doesn't have that
heartbeat like all the other killers he's just a silent guy and he just stares at you and when
he stares at you he builds up a meter and when he builds up the meter enough he can just one hit
you and just kill you so if you're just working on a gender like i've been here for a minute
and you turn around you just see mike my just staring at you ghost face the same way except
he can lean from trees it's that's creepy uh if they could pull it off it's fun i like i like i
like the sound of that it's a fun game i would if you jumped on some dead by daylight i have it on
playstation uh uh but it's cross play because i have a ps5 too i think it's cross play oh well
then fuck it yeah i think it's a free game i don't know if it's free but you'd probably want to buy
the pack of like whatever survivor you'd want to play as they just came out with alan wake as a skin
which is kind of cool so i might want to actually get back into oh they just released alien from
like aliens as a killer uh oh no fuck they just released chuckie as a killer and i was like how
are they going to do chuckie and it's pretty cool uh it's the only killer where you you so uh the
what makes this game interesting is when you're a survivor it's four of you and you're working
together on a team to escape the killer you can't hurt him but he can kill you right uh they uh um
what was i going to say you're playing from a third person perspective right so you can like
look all around you as you're like working on the generator whatever the killer is a first person
shooter perspective uh so he has a completely different point of view as he's playing right
it's pretty cool anyway fuck video game minute over roll the music oh wait no no uh we're
finishing this up the last one would be uh i think the most important one if you had a star trek
replicator that you could punch the button and get a meal every single time you press it what's
the meal and before you answer it does not have to be a what you could order at a restaurant what
they would put together as a meal so like if you want spaghetti and meatballs as your main course
but instead of having garlic bread in a salad which they would give you it like uh you could put
mashed potatoes and like i don't know uh beef satay from a thai restaurant if that's what you
want so like be creative like it doesn't have to be a cohesive dish from anyone's point of view
but your own but don't get crazy you can't have like unlimited sides you know it has to be uh it
has to be like something that would fit in a replicator what would you pick um so it would
be a rib eye steak all right side of asparagus and mashed potatoes and gravy okay specifically
from where this is your dream thing is it from mesa grill bob flay's restaurant is it from
a home made your mom i'll just go my mom my mom makes it okay it has to be from a place like a
franchise no it could be your mom's my mine is my mom's spaghetti is absolutely my main dish
hell yeah and what about dessert
just a fucking new york cheesecake oh hell yeah cherry on top chocolate no cherry just the drizzle
just a drizzle of cherry yeah gotcha okay perfect i see it in my mind delicious kyle
man i'm gonna take it by and i'm just gonna go like triple cheeseburgers fuck yeah from where
i don't even know just as long as it's a triple cheeseburger and it's fucking good
yeah don't fuck up my like my condiments or whatever like well they won't because you get
it's your it's your dream it's your dream food what's your dream it's your dream triple cheeseburger
what condiments what happens when something in the dream and they do it wrong shit no you're not
dreaming it it's you're telling me right now i'm gonna make it perfect because i'm the god of this
little universe that we're creating yeah but okay you're gonna get a perfect non-fucked up condiment
triple cheeseburger you want the sesame bun oh yeah the buns are good do you want toasted well
actually i usually like to get like uh like sourdough would be good oh fuck yeah yeah make some crazy
like unique burger dude man i want a burger after this is done now that you've said it like that
really you ever go to like the i go to this place it's got a b and it's and it's it's but it's they
make the burgers exactly the way i like them i don't know how to describe it but it's that greasy
uh like pops diner vibe and they always put the thousand island on it you know what i'm talking
about you know what kind of burger they're always a little bit bigger than your average burger
i like that i don't know what it is i think it's cooking a burger on a grill that gets used for
short order cooking all day long you know it picks up those extra like like in and out does it almost
exactly the way that i like but i think jimmy's down here just does it like just greasy enough
i'll risk the food poisoning anyway i'm hungry yeah i just i realized how hungry i was and then
i just noticed you guys are both wearing the same shirt oh shit yeah there's a handful of these in
the world uh i don't think we're gonna have any by the time i haven't even ordered any so we're not
gonna have any by the time 16th happens i don't even pretend that that was an option i'll use
this opportunity to plug our heat show at the heat hotel in lake havasu city march 3rd
i think it's the second march 2nd it's saturday 8 p.m after the show we're all going to be hanging
out at the glitch so come see us glitch barkadian fuck yeah um or fuck yeah fuck yeah fuck yeah
and that's in lake havasu yes sir heat hotel so if you're looking for a reason to get out to lake
havasu weather's getting really nice right now this would be the time you know make your way out
there well hang out at the heat hotel you can even probably book a room at the heat hotel
it's an actual hotel right yeah they'll just call it that because i've only been to the bar
yeah i went there uh when chris angel did a trick on the london bridge oh shit what did he do he
like submerged himself in a cage under the water and then he like appeared on the roof of an adjacent
hotel how do you think he did it he does body double for sure okay body double i just watched
the king of the hill episode where and this might be one of my favorites uh it's they go to a magic
show and they watch uh some chick disappear or whatever and uh hanks like he's figuring out he's
trying to figure out how all the tricks are done and then peggie gets chosen he goes back and peggie
or i think peggie gets chosen and disappears and won't tell hank how the trick is done she's like
i made a promise i won't tell you and it's driving him fucking insane their marriage is on the brink
in this episode i've never seen them closer to like actual hating each other than in this in this
episode and so he eventually uh figures it out like i think she she tells him or whatever
and their marriage is fixed thank god but at the very end bobby uh during the credits he comes out
in that black mask thing because do you remember one of the most i think this was one of the most
viral before viral was a thing moments was do you remember that guy in the black mask that came out
on like fox or abc or one of those channels where he's like tonight black mask is going to reveal
how tricks are done from your from all the famous magicians do you remember that like it was a big
reveal and he came out he's like i'm going to make this elephant disappear and he does and then he
shows everybody he's like wait till the end of the episode i'm going to show you exactly how i did it
does that not ring a bell something uh let's see black brought to you by bell ringers
brought to you by bell ringer black mask guy uh you're supposed to be you're supposed to be my
laptop guy yeah i know you're supposed to be just typing the things on on my free of you know stream
of consciousness saying what the fuck dude yeah exactly who's jamie i thought i was gonna be able
to do that i can't can't maintain focus when i'm high enough to do i understand
masked magician secrets revealed here's a oh this is a funny or die
that's not what i don't put the actual i want the mast val vent val valentino i guess his name is
let's do that let's do val valentino uh the masked magician here i'll just show you the first part
no what is this okay we're not watching another podcast on this podcast
okay well here we go tonight the moment you've been waiting for is we reveal the biggest secret
of all the true identity of the masked magician oh shit i'm in school i think change the color
ever since we started giving away secrets magician oh we can't for probably copyright reasons i'll do
that and why did you do it we're gonna walk fox on our you're about to find out for the first time
you will actually see our magician's face and here's magic's biggest secrets
jeez this is okay the ropes are wrapped around his body and tied beneath his waist oh god this
is just let's get high and watch youtube episode of fucking fried rice podcast a lot of dead air
ladies and gentlemen i hope you're i hope all anyone listening was just on chill mode today
i think this is one of our last hectic episodes for whatever that's worth calm after the last one
we had yeah so ladies this is the first time we've been on straight indica today again and this we've
been doing uh not in the couch this one's got me kind of in the couch today yeah i just i just
let the space join again so anyway he just reveals how shit's done oh shit that was cool you see that
they dropped a uh a fucking uh huge flaming thing onto a car that's sick
is he in that oh no you can see him struggling well he's dead uh how much they're gonna be
beast do you watch that's all it's just a question you have to be on youtube no it's not really
because you were on youtube and i don't really want to start watching it recently is why i watch
i've seen enough mr beast to know what's up and i and i've bought his chocolate bars to and i've
played the game that you can play by scanning the barcode on the back of his chocolate bars
so whatever that i've not seen a single frame of that guy show i just know of him his squid
game is really cool uh well mr beast is great yeah was it i just got to do with the kids it's
coming up because we with the movie we watched i watched with the kids and so we were talking
about yeah let's get into the movie because that was what kind of where i was going with
don't tell me what to do mike i'm sorry i was trying not to tell you what to do by telling you
what to do ladies and gentlemen the movie roles of kyle martin exclusive this is the movie i'm
thinking grand like what you would hear right before the actual movie starts in a movie theater
you know like they're taking him on that roller coaster or nicole kidman just finished her speech
and now it's doing the like welcome to amc you know like all that shit yeah one of those
10 seconds or whatever i don't need 20 seconds who cares whatever you want whatever you're feeling
roll that now i hope we get all this before i edit this episode that'd be so much fun
if we could actually throw in the music when when it happens so roll that and then uh you want to
take it yeah i'll take some oh shit fuck yeah um high off his ass but he's taking more i love it
he's gonna send you the clip and email oh i finally remember what movie and tv shows i wanted
uh hey we're talking about the goonies today 1985 mike's the only one alive when this movie came out
oh is that true is that right i am the only one here i was alive when this movie came out and i
didn't see it this i always i just saw for the first time last night wait for the first time
first time no that's how is that possible i don't know how it's possible honestly now that i've
watched it because i felt like it watched the movie i'd seen it before but we'll get into that later
why that is but it's maybe you'd seen it no i've not seen it it's been around for 40 years yeah but
i was 21 when it came out that's it was physically that can't be possible because you're 90
okay you must have been when the goodies came out so i was i hit right in between
my kids weren't born until four years later and back then there wasn't hbo and all the stuff that
stuff comes on so we never saw it we didn't have kids the right age at the time it came out well i
would argue that it's not necessarily a kid's movie in the book but i was in the bars i was
watching star wars i wasn't yeah you were getting fucked up you didn't care about you know you can
just pass it to me and i could pass it back like what we like i'm what we've been doing literally
this whole time without a single hiccup mike and yet you want to the one thing that can fuck up
our recording is somebody getting up and moving and you want to cross over uh christopher columbus
breakfast yeah directed by richard donner who uh also did this is crazy i love richard donner
superman oh wait then i'm also thinking of chris i'm thinking of chris columbus that i like
because he did the harry potters he did um i think just the harry potters i like yeah he did the
light oh he executive produced the lighthouse god why stop starting me on producer just show me what
i'm here for fuck oh he did pixels a movie i did just see i liked pixels for whatever it is
yeah oh bicentennial man all day long bicentennial man robin williams as a as a robot trying to become
human two harry potters i missus doubt fire i gotta stop okay he directed home alone too which uh i i
saw uh this is not political but i i watched uh like a maga guy at a at a trump rally and he the
reporter is just like what's your favorite movie and the guy always says like home alone too it's
like why you know why it's just like uh it's like why'd you bring it i'm hoping trump signs it
both homologues yeah it's very good but okay and then spielberg well he wrote it yeah well he
didn't even write it spielberg was like the producer and behind the scenes really it wasn't
says right yeah a lot to do with but he's he's only but i'm saying he's with he's credited
it's credited but it was his idea so let's get let's get into this right but he did do a lot of
on the fly writing okay yeah he's probably there being like let's do this let's do this
let's give sean astin a really bad speech right for uh for the do he's never died moment i will
say that that speech was not great um okay every time yeah uh okay this movie i've i i probably
hadn't seen it in 20 years 15 20 years right it's not something i i watch on a regular basis
and i'm okay with that now that i've seen it again i'm like i could probably wait another
10 years 15 years before watching it not that it's bad by any means but it's just
i don't think it's as great as everyone claims it to be i think it's getting for me it's giving
that like et vibes where it's just like where it's just like for the time this is probably
the shit but the further we get away from it the more flaws you can see i all i wrote down were
were flaws and i um it's crazy we've reversed in this then because i'm the exact opposite i am so
so but i see i'm seeing it through a child's eyes i guess it's so different it's like you're saying
you don't you don't need it anymore as an adult but i saw it i became a 12 year old or 13 year old
because a part of it is also time frame because it goes back to a time that i was that age
and so it feels right to me okay well let me yeah okay so here's things i like for
i absolutely love period pieces this is a period piece of 1985 if you think about things like that
now yeah uh so i love movies that take place pre-cell phone i feel like it opens up i believe
things like i believe that a bunch of kids just got lost but what i'm saying is i believe that
like their parents couldn't find them no way to get a hold of them they weren't even looking for
them to first is the thing that's what i'm saying so it's a different time that's not true obviously
the parents were looking for them the the they showed up like they all showed up in a van at
the end looking for them and it was one day later yeah but eventually but not in an hour or two like
today's parents that's what we're saying oh okay but i'm saying that you'd go out in the afternoon
you didn't come back till dark it's just the way it was you just left sure it was a different time
but what i'm saying they still looked for him after probably 8 p.m when they all should have been
home absolutely absolutely but not in the beginning they were already gone by that i'm just saying it
was so normal to me okay what's what's your thing oh it goes on and on it's it's i watched it with
my grandchildren okay it was it was my first time seeing it my grandson had seen it once before
and my granddaughter had never seen it and it was so great watching it from their eyes and within
then me seeing it for the first time it's probably now my favorite family movie or kids movie
now not my favorite movie no but as far as something you can sit down with your family
and watch and have a blast and it's funny but there are and i see some of the things that you
see as problems i see them as nostalgia so it's like easter eggs oh wait i'm gonna get into mine
yeah but you're calling those problems some of what you were talking about are just funny
observations yeah no problems whatever this movie this movie's great it's a stuffed with that though
it's like to me this is steven spielberg was sitting there on the set he went okay what's
every idea i've already done and every idea i'm gonna have in the future and i'm gonna take like
two minutes of each of those ideas and put them all in this fucking movie yeah it's got indiana
jones vibes or is that george lucas no that's spielberg right both of them but you just remember
the ball rolling down the hall in this oh there's literally a shot for shot i'm gonna get into that
right yeah and then and then and then there's but there's like four or five of those different
movies et the basket ride the basket ride of et is recreated in this movie when they're all on
their bikes and they jumps on the little bike with a little basket in front and they show them
running yeah yeah it's exactly come out after that and then when they come in and i don't remember
the exact dates but it's what i said is someone was before someone was after but he reused the
ideas or whatever because that's shot for shot when they ride their bikes off into the into the
woods is exactly the shot from et so a lot of the shots are the same that's what i'm saying the way
they're set up and the steps because a lot of it's from his life chunks throw up thing was
something he did as a kid spielberg did what that prank oh he talking about it yeah like like
that he did that he felt guilty about it yes spielberg actually did that prank as a kid that's
where that came from what a dick yeah it was a dick thing to do but the whole movie's full of
that that's what i'm saying the whole movie's like stephen spielberg was on set just throwing
shit constantly and they were playing they were they went on the uh the water slide yeah in there
that was a real working water slide they go after the after the end of the day they were all in
there playing on the water slide every day yeah it was like oh okay the whole thing is is just
has that feel to it is what i'm saying it's a great that's my it's you watch this movie and you're
like oh god i feel good when i'm watching i haven't smiled this much in a movie in forever what the
fuck is that at the bottom of the screen right there what does that say guys i want to hold your
hand the below that slipstream what the fuck is that yeah that's not the same slipstream
you know that means we picked the worst one there's three now we still pick the
wrong one yeah spielberg would you i mean it's just short story about a group of people addicted to
drug fans of rock group slipstream wow that's not even a well put together sentence structure for
this the budget was five thousand dollars he needed money to finish the film he was unable
to raise the money and it went unfinished okay i watched a good one minute version of this movie
that showed what it could have been like it's pretty much just people bike racing nothing
special would have been a good tv movie oh wow all right okay so all right yeah all right let's
get back to go to bed after bed it's like there's a ton of like two minute bits throughout this or
five minute bits but there it's just each you just take each one of you look at you go wow that's
indiana jones wow the hell the hat is from indiana jones would you describe it it's just insane how
much is in this movie from my childhood would you describe it as like a movie version of that whole
contraption to open the door in the beginning like the whole movie just put together like little
pieces that make this whole movie happen so rub goldberg yeah it's kind of the rubble of
steven spielberg's ideas yeah it's it's like thrown out into a bunch of kids kissing each other
yeah it's well there's yeah no not just well there's a lot of it um i'm gonna point that a
lot of kissing it's not bro not only it's once again that's the taylor swift effect there's not
a lot let me let me just one minute of screen time let me get into my shit real quick so uh
real quick uh so right before i showed you guys the weird snapping thing that he does which you
are which mike seems to love but if you go to 16 minutes and 45 seconds into this movie josh
brolin for no reason oh because there's like a fly buzzing in front of his face he sort of snaps
at it trying to catch it i don't know if he does it doesn't look like he does because he sort of
follows it off they kept that they kept that in the fucking thing because do you reset your life
if something like that happens in your life oh do i i got to back up 10 minutes and redo it no but
if well i don't know maybe if i had maybe if i had a multi-million dollar movie i would redo it
okay so but you do a lot of my friends this movie is those little mistakes that are in real life
are in this movie so it's like it's more real feeling you can really lose yourself you can
love all the little the little mistakes i do too here's some more uh shawn astin and josh
brolin i think they're actually great brothers because they have a lot of physical touch that's
not always violent there's like three scenes where shawn astin is sitting on josh brolin's lap which
i think is uh is yeah um Thanos yeah Thanos and cable yeah i also put it like what's with everybody
miss saying stuff and then josh brolin correcting them they that never pays off it's just he they
him and shawn astin and his mom they both have this this thing of like where they miss say stuff
like shawn asked a lot more than his mom but his mom says it too uh and then josh brolin is there
every single time to correct them on how to say stuff that's it then they go downstairs and then
that's it it's the reverse of the octopus i don't know what the hell that means okay well at the end
of the movie they talk about an octopus the the big fight with the octopus they talk about in the
scene at the end of the movie with the families it never happened because it was cut out of the
movie earlier so it's just another one of those little mistakes when they mentioned it but it
never happened i don't remember an octopus yeah what when in the end when the family's there
what part oh hang on exactly who said it hang on i have it written down uh let me find it though
because i have a lot written down in this movie as far as saying as far as little mistakes there's
one that always bothered me every time it's when they uh the brothers like has that stretchy
fucking workout thing yeah how far can you stretch that and then they tie them up behind the chair
as they're tying it you hear chunk it's like it's like a dj skip he's like i got i got it i got it
like you hear that let's skip it always fucking bugged me because they went back and like left
that in there or they were just it's like they had a what's that where you press the button and
it makes the noise on the fucking sound equipment kyle just where you can just press it over again
like it sounds like a loop yeah like someone just looped it like three times i got it
oh that's like i got i got it yeah that's real charming really really puts you in the mood for
i'm just saying that i don't know okay they're fucking around the pipes once they go underneath
there and they start pulling around the pipes which is very silly and totally not how the world
works but uh they somehow when either when sloth goes in and pushes the thing up or when they're
fucking around with it the first time it cuts to a guy in a red tracksuit who then gets launched off
the toilet lands directly in front of the camera and screams daddy and that's never resolved or
mentioned before i thought is that the dude that runs him off the road with his like tries to
murder like the attempted homicide high school kid who attempted to murder josh brolin by grabbing
his arm and which josh brolin what are you working out for if you can't take a dude's hand off of
your hand like you were they were both just it was one hand on top of it wasn't double handing
it or whatever like he could have slid underneath i'm just saying he's the most useless lunk a lunk
is that what the term is like what they did to add warlock in the movie in the guardians movie
oh just a big dumb idiot yeah but i like strong he's like supposed to be super cool this guy's
josh brolin's character is another like he gets subdued by children and a guy who's driving a car
can put his hand out he can't put his hand out and the octopus's data tells his dad that we
had a big octopus fight that's what at the end of the movie when now all the families are getting
together at the reunion scene do they put that in chinese no it's an american or english
there's a whole scene you can go on the dvd there's a scene the scene is on the dvd in the deleted
scenes okay it exists okay yeah it's you can actually look up deleted occupancy yeah we'll
look at you probably well i'll look that up okay uh okay cool then i did the octopus so but that
so i said those mistakes are there but they don't really it's just convers like that's a little
conversational throwaway that somebody picked out and figured out and they ended with it put it
together on the deleted scenes but the point is it's in the movie so yeah things that are flaws are
kind of like they're cut flaws because they had to cut out this event so it probably was a payoff
does that it's just well it's not in there so it kind of sucks all these five minute things put
together that's what i'm saying it's not in there so it kind of sucks like that whole daddy thing
i was like oh that's stupid um i guess funny but stupid and i don't understand why i feel like the
original cut of this movie was probably like four hours long let's get the doner cut what's going on
let's get this a little tough to do now no give him 10 million dollars and ever recut some stuff
they can use ai to make the kids it's easy they can use ai to make donner yeah okay you know we
need ai richard donner to make remake yes ai can do anything but richard donner is no longer with
us so that's not i know yeah so we can't ai that's why there's no two there was gonna be a two there
was gonna be a two as i was just thinking yeah no he died and they couldn't do it why i will not
know because they're a fan they they there's interviews with them they will not do it they
still get together they still call themselves the goonies they're like it's weird cory feldman's on
some weird shit right now too yeah i mean i don't want a sequel now with the original crew i would
have wanted a sequel then with the original crew like 1980 in 1990 or 1987 or whatever i would have
liked a sequel except for your you said you don't you've got all these problems with the movie
none of these are problems it's all great except the goonies never say die speech sucks balls it's
poorly constructed here it's because it's so once again it's another cut out yeah there's a whole
there's actually a whole i have it i have the whole and i'll let you do it no i don't want to
read the whole speech because they have uh it's part of the oath problem when they cut the oath
down they had to take out in other places well so there's like a long oath it was like two paragraphs
long well it sucked and they cut it out yeah so they can cut out all they want i'm not going to
do extra research to make this movie more enjoyable for myself i watched it last night and that speech
sucked fine but explain this sloth open mouth kisses chunk on the mouth is that just a delightful
little mistake that they cut that blah blah blah no it's just a weird thing where chunk was probably
get supposed to get kissed on the cheek but then lean into it and then sloth just almost his whole
mouth goes over exactly like the slap everything that's part of the and that's richard donner i'm
sorry but you when you have superman director of superman doing a kids movie they kind of tend to
make things extreme like the slap when when he's really slapped the shit out of him who uh i don't
i've got it who slapped who can't you say the slap the mom character jesus my brain is i'm high dude
i can't just say whatever i want no not with not on a podcast with no context mother fucker we
gotta be specific go read the whole thing because awesome and kyle are saying shit
just kidding you're fine pal just chill just chill you got something to say you say it uh but
reminds me of dario anyway sloth kisses chunk right on the mouth no excuses for that uh so data
should die should have died right when that pit opened because there's no way that like a little
plastic shattering teeth and a bungee cord is going to save him but even just even ignoring the
bungee cord whatever the spike pit at the bottom okay that's where everyone had to go to get to the
next part so the only way to proceed to the ship through this is the one of the traps is to go into
someone has to basically if you're in a group one person falls into the pit and as they're dying
goes there's a room down here guys and he's dead then you're like all right let's get over some
ropes we'll go down there this is how you get to the pirate treasure like just engineering wise
doesn't make much sense okay now we're going to get into how do you watch home alone
looking for now but now we're going to get into what my biggest critique of this movie is so is
your name bend over i need uninterrupted mike because this is this is this is a rant okay
god so i was like huh right when they walked into that big skull you know the iconic skull cave
entrance i start thinking wait a minute wait wait just one fucking minute what are we doing
the goonies are trying to find a pirate ship from a one-eyed pirate and his crew
am i supposed to believe that this pirate crew somehow built all of these fucking traps like they
didn't find a already booby trapped fucking place to go to so everything that is in this movie that
is a booby trap that's a rubed golfer that is giant hundreds of pounds of slabs of stones
suspended on ropes that could be just triggered on a on a guillotine all the home alone all the
home alone shit yeah they these pirates built it so i have issues so i put okay
how did they carve that skull into the fucking thing fine they carved it whatever then think
about the key they had to take a little skull rock key put it into a rock formation with little rock
things sticking out all stone right and then somehow crank that counterclockwise to trigger
something to get a perfect bowling ball smooth bowling balls piece of stone i'm assuming to roll
down some fucking gutters uh to come and then trigger blah blah blah blah blah right so uh okay
but you didn't have a problem with indiana jones it was fine then no because in the indiana no it's
not it's absolutely not mike indiana jones uh went to an ancient like mayan temple that was built
hundreds of years ago maybe thousands of years ago by an indeterminate amount of people over
an indeterminate amount of time i could buy any of these um contraptions that exist if it was oh
we found this from a thousand years ago an ancient civilization built these traps i'd be like great
they used a lot of manpower ingenuity they had the resources they did everything they needed to do to
get it done do i think pirate crew that's already at each other's throats trying to like get at some
treasure they somehow like among them are like ultimate ru gulberg engineers and they're fucking
building these things they should have been like hey maybe let's just leave the treasure and go be
mad genius inventors and go build shit out for the fucking people we'd be respected we'd be loved we
can use these rich no instead they kill each other doesn't matter so i put um okay i put it i put yeah
he would have been way better off starting uh uh spending oh i also put they should have just
spent the fucking treasure so think about that they spent probably if we're talking what those
contraptions needed if us to the let's go the four of us if we had money and time and resources
could we find a cave somewhere and build even close to what these pirates came up with probably
not i think we maybe have a few booby traps uh whatever that's it right but we wouldn't be able
to do these are the most ingenious pirates of all time i'm just saying instead of doing all that
spending and spending a year or years of their lives building these things they should have just
split the treasure and spent it and they would have had much happier lives i'm saying the pirates
were stupid um oh and as you're going through the cave there appears to be giant rib cages
and i'm sure it's just for the aesthetic but if you look in the cave there are giant rib cages
that would serve i don't know like a uh i don't even know i honestly can't think of an animal
big enough to maybe a blue whale if that's what there's something to yeah a mammoth or a blue
whale but i'm just like that's a little silly maybe some bones i would have bought but like
there's too much of that anyway i'm sorry thank you for not interrupting me everybody i'm my
my rant's over but uh that's a bullshit is what i'm saying it's so crazy i thought i really thought
you were gonna love this movie no i love it it's great it sounds like it no why what's oh oh oh
oh hold on hold on hold on i put okay okay okay play the bones how the fuck did they did this
did they did this pirate bring an organ connected to a fucking skeleton all these fucking bones
connect that to floorboards that open up into an endless abyss what the fuck is going on is what
i'm saying there's no way these pirates did this there's no fucking way on earth that this could
ever exist like no the play the bones mike play the bones here's what you want me to you want to
be really freaked out by imagine being that actor because i this is surprising of all those skeletons
in this they're all real except for the one main background he was blasted but the all the
skeletons are real so that guy really is touching so that chick really did play his bones yes real
bones then they all get into some fucking water slide action that's fun goes on way too long but
uh it's because they had so much fun let's all go into one tube exit five tubes explain that shit
mike just a fucking no it's fucking bullshit is what it is i have and not once no i don't think
it's possible i don't think there's a single water park on earth that has a go into one tube
and they perfectly will separate five or six people into their own separate things no bullshit
i call bullshit goodies uh oh and then i put that's an awful lot of spider webs on that pirate ship
maybe too many how many fucking spiders are down there and if you're gonna put that many fucking
spider webs on a pirate ship there better be a scene with fucking spiders and there wasn't a spider
scene i call bullshit goodies there's a lot of this stuff that you don't pick out in other movies
that's interesting because i mean we're talking about richard donner and stephen spielberg i don't
give a shit about a lot of the movies they do is like that mike i didn't give a shit about slipstream
well you think i'm i'm sitting there going like oh man they're not slipping the stream enough i
don't even remember what the fuck that movie is about you think i give a shit no no so this is
this one's angering you why because it's a movie that i remember liking as a kid i watched it maybe
like a couple times as a kid and then once is like a young adult maybe and then gave it a break
because you know i'm not obsessed with it but now that i've watched it again the nostalgia you know
got me through uh i have more of those when you're done oh great i'm yeah uh oh and i put uh
uh man data with all of his uh with all of his contraptions his fucking boxing thing his fucking
oil slicked glove or oil slick shoes that sure is uh mike uh would you like to do the honors
it's 007 it's james bult say your catchphrase
i don't uh basically slapstick it's basically some fucking slapstick i literally wrote down
data and then i was gonna write it nope dot dot dot mike please do the honors do you understand
that whole thing once again going back to the spielberg aspect of this movie that whole thing
with him his whole his whole personality is based on the fact that spielberg is like the only thing
desperately wanted to do a bond movie and they turned him down twice so this was like this fuck
you to those producers well it wasn't a bond movie but i can see no that was absolutely the character
no but he's got 007 right on his belt yeah i can understand that he makes so many overt references
to 007 but what i'm saying is spielberg didn't make a bond movie in response what he did was
he added his he added his perspective of when he was a child wanting to make a bond movie as
the focal point of data which is which is what just you know what i'm saying as an adult you don't
think spielberg wanted to direct a bond movie he did he goes turn down oh i don't know when he was
a kid i don't know but none of this felt like he said i'm sorry just repeating what okay fine
whatever but again i don't care what he says i watched the movie yeah and what i'm and and i you
know it didn't feel bond like at all like he says i'm james bond a lot but he just feels like a bond
fanboy he didn't feel like james bond what about no no he isn't that's what i'm that's exactly what
i just said the kid but you said it was like a direct response to the if not being allowed to
do a bond movie i'm okay well whatever um okay so i said so chunk just decided oh this is towards
the end i was like oh so chunks like you're gonna live with me now sloth i'm like oh what does
fucking pairs have to say about that he just just unilaterally gets to decide sloth hey mom dad i
met this giant man um we fed each other chocolate just put it into each other's mouths romantic like
he kissed me full blown on the mouth we went on a pirate adventure he uh and and now he's gonna
live with us he's been in captivity for his whole life so what since everything here seems so
negative what's the what's your opinion of sloth as a character then he's great okay you like sloth i
was just curious that's my i think is i think is the practical effects on his face are a little
too much they could have toned it down a bit i feel like i feel like his head like toxic yeah
he looks like toxic avenger and i'm like they could have toned it down not that i get what
they're going for they wanted to make him grotesque so that you are repulsed at first so that you
can fall in love with him later but i don't know oh okay so uh the kids go missing they're gone
all night the parents all like soup they show up in a van with the police they run over to the
goonies they're hugging they're crying it's a peaceful family reunion they're talking about
octopuses that never got fought and the fucking douchebag landlord lawyer guy is like well i need
those contract signs so i'm gonna go down to the fucking heartfelt reunion of these kids that
went missing it's probably the news that night it's like local kids missing please we're doing
a canvas search someone probably is like oh i saw him coming up on the beach sent you know whatever
this guy shows up and he's like i need to sign this fucking thing and then i put this i'm willing
to forgive every single thing that i wrote above everything that i've had issues with the rube
goldberg the fact that the pirates were these mad geniuses they fucking built all this shit i'm willing
to forgive every single thing that i just said but i will not forgive the fact that when that dad
was signing the contract he took the most obscene pause in between his first name and his last name
that it gave not only chunk and sloth or whoever no whoever it gave the hispanic maids chick time
to pull like he literally he puts the contract on the back writes his first name okay then the
lady start to pull out the fucking sock he's then adjusting his glasses getting ready to write his
next uh his next uh his the next name she's over there she pulls out some rubies or you don't know
what she's looking at it going and then she goes no it's about the but you know she's saying some
spanish right the guy's oh he's adjusting his glasses again he's about to pick up his pen
and write his next his last name then fucking mouth starts translating no right no no spell no
right no sign no sign don't sign it and this guy still hasn't written his fucking last name
that's not how fucking time works it's not how signatures work it's not how fucking contracts
work that was the dumb explain that away mike there's no excuse that was bad filmmaking bad
filmmaking steven spillberg you've made great bangers you're gonna make great bangers you don't
need to hear this for me that was bad no wait no who who directed this richard donner i can't shit
on him uh so fuck it chris columbus steven spielberg be better the writing or the editor
who fucking edited this movie who fucking edited them who edited this shit i don't know does he
even give you that yeah we'll find him we'll find him who edited this shit find him who let that
fucking shit that that stupid signature bullshit happen oh it was edited by michael cain and steven
spielberg oh michael cain what have you done oh con con it's like ryan con
uh he did west side story jurassic park minority you're better than this man
now i'm gonna look at all of your shit for those little moments that you thought no i'm gonna watch
every edited movie by richard conn and i'm gonna watch every signature that anyone has ever made
and i'm gonna see how long it takes them to write their first and last name because it's interesting
though when you think about it like like one of his was ready player one which we just talked
about it's interesting how much they tie together well ready okay yes because he's a but ready player
one but ready player one is specifically fine tuned to hit all the nostalgia button that goonies
organically had being made at the time of the nostalgia to be made that scene thing we were
talking about earlier was five minutes here probably it's very that's what i'm saying yeah i yeah but
now that i'm i bet he sucked at editing some parts on that too i like how he's he doesn't know how
time works but he he edited prince of purges sands of time yeah you mother fucker man you mother
fucker yeah very similar what else did he do oh he did reindeer games fuck yeah dude look we love
you man you've done a lot of movies casper hell yeah 95s casper i bet you fall in that one in
that's probably why i put steven spillberg's name on there too so you wanted to know hey i wasn't
cutting this all up he did arachnophobia that had to be not a fun movie to edit you gotta think
hey steven shouldn't we put some spiders on this pirate ship fuck no no fuck yeah exactly is that
all your damn negative notes yet andy you got more yeah almost uh something to add i want to hear
him i want to hear all the negative shit because i can't oh yeah i'm having a hard time believing
hold on i'm almost done uh so when the dad is ripping up the contract and i'll show you if you
if you need to see it but when the dad is ripping up the contract not only does he miss a rip
uh he doesn't rip it into enough pieces that when he it does the very staged throwing them up in the
air shot the amount of pieces that fly away are way too many pieces than what he actually physically
ripped up bullshit michael conn you didn't you thought we you thought that your your stupid
fucking shot of all the money shot of the contract flying away symbolizing all of their worries
going away you thought that was your fucking gift to humanity fuck you are you alive hold on are you
alive yeah you're still alive 1935 holy shit you're all working god you're 90 years old almost what was
this last one is this year isn't it the fable men's yeah of course and upcoming the kidnapping of
evgardo mortara wow still working who's doing still editing he's 90 something years old wait a
minute is that right yeah they're 1935 we're 1920 or in 2024 so wow math he's 90 he's almost 90
he did he edited shit so he's spielberg guy i can barely work and i'm 57 i can barely get up to work
65 plus 24 wait no it's i mean it's just the math would be a hundred years ago is 1924
and so if you go 10 years in past that it's 90 okay well yeah so anyway michael conn your
national treasure i'm sure you've won a ton of oscars i mean i'm looking at your imdb you're
awesome good for you but but the fucking goonies you've phoned in you either didn't give a shit
maybe it wasn't your thing maybe you were more excited about the color purple or uh or or wisdom
or fatal attraction or empire of the sun because you knew they were right around the corner
but you were like or maybe the next indiana jones was on your mind but no anyway i'm not sure
well you're gonna get the spielberg guys after you man that's no no spielberg's great we love
them but michael conn can can can get can can go back i want michael conn to go back and
re-edit the goonies a little bit make it better give us give us a recut michael conn version
well wait what's the audience rating in this movie what is oh no no well we'll get there i have one
more you've got it like 12 apparently this movie ends on the ugliest bad blue screen effect that
this movie has and for some reason the credits start at the middle of the screen instead of the
bottom which just annoys me because it's just like it's a it's a stupid editing thing it's a
it really is michael conn bro it's like you end on the worst blue shot screen of a pirate ship
that's ever and then you start the credits middle of the screen scrolling upwards it's not even a
stop and go kind of credit system it's a scroll up and you start from the middle up and it just
doesn't make any sense and then also my last note i really am not a fan of the cindy lopper song
and they really kind of hammer that in and i'm not a fan so that was my take of the goonies i give
it a b plus so mike that was very interesting no i want to hear the other negative here i gotta
hear oh yeah oh yeah it was like playing a game of minesweeper dude like i was waiting i was like
okay and he's going down this route awesome it's gonna be funny it was yeah i'm just waiting i hope
he doesn't pick my things and he didn't so first thing fuck yeah let's go when they're fucking with
all the pipes that's when i was like oh shit he's getting close uh somebody built those pipes and
put them down there and did not discover the secret cave leading to fucking treasure and i'm like
thinking the guy who built those had to have died for that to make sense he's like oh there's a
fucking cave down here and then he fucking falls and dies they're like where'd fucking joe go
wasn't it uh well he finished he was some engineer who just like he's like i did it i
connected all the pipes in a series of complicated things all this one central location no one will
ever need to ever come down here and maintenance this ever again uh and then uh so yeah that's a big
fucked up thing uh then there's uh when uh he finally gets to the ship uh shawn astin
fucking gets to the ship and he has like this weird like romance with fucking one-eyed willy
yeah he's like he loves him he's like he's like wait a minute shawn astin frodo peanut
butters one or sam or something sam yeah more he's sam so he's just playing the same character
he's he loves fucking one-eyed willy so much and he's like oh leave some treasure for him
a guy who was a pirate who in reality alcoholic rapist that would have just fucking slaughtered
him with a sword pirates were awful people yeah he wouldn't have what are really space pirates
what i really did not give a fuck about any of these kids he would have killed all of them
taken the two girls and you know what's gonna happen there and he's just like oh this is
but and then another thing that ship that ship would not have fucking floated there for that long
at all no god yeah um how'd they get the fucking ship in there real quick just because you know
your notes can i just can i just pause yeah pause you for one second there's a philosophy thing that
i've always thought was interesting we just could just side tangent for just a second
it's i forget what it is but if you have like a boat right and you uh the boat gets damaged over
time you have to replace a piece of it right so you replace you replace one piece of wood
and you keep having to do this over and over again eventually you've replaced every piece of wood on
that boat is it the same boat or is it a new boat by that point because does the boat itself is that
the wood that it was originally so like that pirate ship for instance just because i want to see a
boat that's the first thing that's the first like kind of train for some reason my mind goes down
to do especially an old wooden style pirate ship because if you were to take that and just replace
all the parts and rebuild it piece by piece would it still be the same like you wouldn't put that in
a museum or you could but you wouldn't probably right um i don't know anyway well maybe the theme
part would be a cool thing to have a theme park oh yeah it would be cool i'm saying oh sure having
a rebuilt pirate ship is dope but what would be more historically significant like having one that
wasn't fucked with right or replaced right we put like the just the ruined version up because that's
what we would want the og version right but i don't know what do you think is it the same same boat
or different boat same boat i mean if you did it all at once then yeah it'd be a different boat
but if it's just over time then yeah you know it's still the same boat just all new parts so like how
does it like our bodies we go from like an infant right we somehow grow into like a adult human
being like are we collecting matter along the way and then we start losing it like how is that
happening our bodies are getting significantly bigger we're not put into that package already
it's like moving out from food to you it's you're moving the stuff every sure okay so if we're doing
that if we're consuming atoms and we're using that to build a human block and getting bigger and bigger
and bigger um then we have to consume less atoms to get less bigger i read something on this it's
like every three point something years uh every cell in your body has died and been replaced
that's where i was going with it so are we the same people i would argue yes because obviously
right but like yeah because your brain does not change but we're also not who we were more it's
external stuff your shedding is well no your brain absolutely changes but your consciousness
does that grow does it stay this does it just does it grow to meet the body that that it that
it's adapting to depends on if they've got enough room to add more hard drives well if it's okay
sure if we're going off of simulation theory yeah it's like it depends but it just kind of seems
like i don't know doesn't it kind of seem like well your brain cells your brain cells die that
i believe your brain cells don't come back after they die i've heard that they do they do i heard
you can regenerate brain cells i heard i feel like it's just like any other muscle in your
in your shit i think you can also uh we're not qualified to talk about this right now
so into the movie the big the big fucking uh jewel they find the jewels the housekeeping lady
decides to reveal to everyone that there's jewels here yeah um the glass yeah yeah that was a race
i'm not racist um but the fact that they just oh these are our jewels we found them from this
fucking pirate ship we can buy the whole fucking town or save it every save the house and everything
no the government would swoop in and be like daddy wants a taste of that and fucking take it from them
yeah anyone who finds treasure does not get to keep that treasure they get to maybe keep a coin
like people find if they were smart about it okay so here i agree with you if you were to go find a
big treasure and bring it all back you'd have to be very careful you'd have to spread out your
your say you'd be like hey my grandfather left me some doubloons too bad they did it in front of a
live fucking television broadcast in the half but actually that might actually lend lend to the
credibility of of of their claim because like these kids legitimately discovered a pirate ship
they could be like we discovered it we discovered it right and everyone would be like okay kids and
then the government steps in no shit this is not like this is on fucking news now where it's like
these kids discovered a fucking pirate ship oh shit there's the pirate ship right like that's dope
like that's on what happened to the pirate ship though uh i'm guessing a bunch of people got on
both that was my next thing a bunch of people got on boats and got the rest of the fucking treasure
that's what i'm saying yeah also uh considering the ownership of the treasure didn't the fratellis
own that fucking building and so technically it would be all their treasure all their money it's
on their property but half and then half of their but they're wanted criminals so the government
can seize on that that's our money and we're going to get a really good lawyer with it the best lawyer
there's a good point fucking uh b plus
kyle yeah any takeaways yeah any takeaways for the goodies well i haven't seen the goodies in
years i want to watch it again then that would have been cool to do before the podcast i should
austin should have been better yeah it's not on me man i was ignorant okay well y'all got two b plus
which i'm actually surprised by just give it a rating though real quick like based on what you
remember you told them the rating system right oh yeah we have a different writing system so we go
from b which we i guess would just be like the that's we whatever we just start at b and that's
our best um and then cd and then f right and f is bad but we have a grade lower than f and it's w
for waste of fucking time like don't even go near the smoothie we just don't have we just don't
grade a so b plus is as high as you can give it okay yeah i would say it's a b but i haven't seen
it in years so it's like i said you can use pluses and minuses too so if you think it's a b plus but
no pressure he said no pressure we'll do b b plus b b plus and then mike your last thought here's
my last thought it is so weird here at all your day is all i'm gonna say is it's timeless it's
like a time even my grandkids i interview i actually interviewed them on film you'll be able
to go on the youtube and see that if you want yeah and uh there's a i interviewed my grandkids after
we watched it uh there's some funny stuff in there with their answers but there's no comment on it
it's just it's hilarious when you hear their answers and like their favorite scene was the
statue scene with the the penis thing on the statue yeah and you know turn it upside down the whole
yeah that's a funny scene a funny scene anyway but it was interesting to see an 11 year old
granddaughter and 13 year old grandson react to that scene sure the grandson is laughing his ass
off my granddaughter is like yeah no of course yeah yeah that's how it probably was in the theaters
back but i'm see i'm watching this movie with my grandchildren it was so heartwarming well my
grandchildren are alive i understand but someday how so i'm saying but but like you were saying
about rewatching 20 years and and i can see that if i've been around once again but i'll want to
rewatch it again in the next couple years once and then i mean we bought it actually to watch it
because it wasn't actually on toby anymore yeah sorry about that guys uh we just took a random
um it happens sometimes it just goes off in the are you talking about this movie or no
duties is not on toby right right it was and then it came off on the first and we
everybody by now when they hear it it's not going to be on there everyone has a copy of that
fucking movie right you can get it if you don't have it go to any pawn shop we'll have four copies
and yeah um but so the nostalgia of it i mean it's if we had some higher than a b plus i'd give it
to it because it's literally now my favorite movie experience now that doesn't make it the
best movie ever see but the experience of watching this with my grandchildren for the first time
it was amazing it's like came around full circle when we did die hard and sean never saw it and
right and now it's you yeah to an old class you know so a b plus yeah there's no well there we go
ladies and gentlemen the goonies b plus of course it's a fucking b plus what did you think was going
to fucking happen you think we're going to watch the goonies and then not give it a fucking b plus
it's timeless it's one of the best family adventure movies of all time yeah i shit on it but i shit on
it from a place of love michael conn should have done a fucking better job at editing it but that's
nobody's fault but his own you old bitch all right uh so i watched the underdogs last night
well snoop dogs youth football movie which uh is a is a rip off of course the mighty ducks but what i
love is so he takes like he's a he's a football guy a football player who you know was like cocky
and you know started fucking up you know was a bad guy gets into a car accident and uh gets
and gets community service and he's picking up dog shit he sees a fucking football team and he goes
he you know he starts coaching them but for all the wrong reasons just for like instagram clout
like hey look i'm better now anyway there's a turnaround but he's sitting there with um i
think it's omar abs um i might be wrong no it's not omar abs uh who the fuck he's there with his
buddy and his buddy's like oh man it's just like it's just like amelio estavez and uh snoop dog's
like who the fuck is that he's like you know mighty ducks he like fucks up he goes he gets
the team and everyone loves him uh and snoop dog's like holy fucking shit hell yeah and the kids cuss
and snoop dog cusses everyone cusses to the kids snoop dog the whole time he's like get the fuck
up get the fuck up here little bitch get over here like he he's mean to the kids it's funny it's
heartwarming i teared up a few times watching that movie because there's like a few scenes where
you're just like oh shit that gets you in the feels it's got like a a little bit of that what's
that kiana reeves movie where i love it when you call me big pop uh um that little black kid and
he gets killed spoilers uh i don't know the movie i don't got is it something when september ends or
that's a green day song uh it's a kiana reeves movie he he coaches big papa black kid gets shot
he what the fuck he coaches he coaches a little baseball team
hardball there we go hardball he coaches the team and then the little kid uh he gets killed by gang
violence but he loved that's uh he loved coming out to i love it when you call me big papa that
song when he came out to play and so that you started using as their like kind of theme going
forward that's like fucking dope movie you never seen hardball hell yeah that's a good one uh
that's that's kiano reeves's uh mighty ducks if we're just on the mighty ducks role and i liked
snoop dogs mighty ducks i think i'm a fan of now the genre mighty ducks i'm okay with that like i
like when i find a new sub genre i really enjoyed when i found out that aliens uses something called
retro futurism which i never under i was like what is that and what it is is like if you watch
aliens there they made that movie in the 70s right or like uh i think like late 70s or early 80s
right they had no idea that touch screens were going to be a thing that we were going to have
fucking just cell phones and bluetooth and like little ear pieces and shit so all of their
futuristic technology quote unquote is like analog it's like putting discs disc drives into fucking
little machines and watching like green text pop up like ms dos right but still alien or aliens
takes place in the future from where we exist now so that's an example of retro futurism where it's
like a futuristic point of view from a retro or future from a retro point of view from like
still looking at it as what the 80s would see the future yes exactly jules verne right he did like
retro futurism like from our perspective go some mars go some mars is retro futurism exactly yes
fucking cctv yes and that's weird because that came out like 2000 and something right so uh
oh maybe that's retro it would be well because they're still doing mars is 2179 or what is when
that took place remember so uh they so yeah it's 100 years 100 whatever years in the future 70
years in the future uh so yeah i don't know but then there's like analog retro futurism there's
like um uh like cyberpunk but you can do cyberpunk retro futuristic cyberpunk where it's like what
people thought cyberpunk futuristic would be it's just there's a lot of cool things so now that just
makes me think of those kids from back to the future and they have the guys that are chasing
exactly that's the that's a perfect example of retro futurist of futurism that's like a classic
because and it's almost i still would love to see um because what they're what they're kind of working
on right now uh in real life is you know how uh have you ever gone to the uh have you seen that
thing on the airport now where it shows instead of you know how um it shows all the departures and
boardings right that that all those like all those like different things right so there's a airport
that has come up with technology now where when you come in it uh it like scans your ticket it
knows who you are and knows where you're standing and all you can see is your boarding information
on that screen it like focuses it all up so that's all you can see but everyone else who's looking at
the screen can only see what their shit is so it's like a completely direction based like this is
just for you so now you can look at the boarding screen on that and just see your information know
exactly where to go and what they're trying to do is like with that all of the terminals that show
that will just direct you where you're supposed to go so everywhere you look it's like hey you're
do that way terminal this there's arrows pointing this way so like everything is designed to just
get you where you're going but everyone else who looks at these things it works for them too right
and so what they're working on is like we could potentially have directed targeted ads like on
billboards and stuff kind of what back to the future did if you consider jaws 3d where the shark
comes out and does that as sort of a directed towards michael j fox's character uh marty mcfly
in that moment so like that's kind of a actually an example of like where we could be heading but
but i don't think we're gonna have um we are and we did get self-lacing we've got self
time shoes i think we are close ish to hoverboards maybe maybe like we'll get hover technology now
that we have drones and stuff like you could technically put enough drones underneath a
hoverboard i've seen people online do that where they've built flying boards that use drones
on hoverboards for a second when i was a kid my dad fucked with me so hard watching behind the
scenes footage of them using the hoverboard and i was like dad our hoverboard's real he's like
yeah but they're not releasing them to the public because they're too dangerous
so for a while i believed that they were actually a fucking thing uh speaking of parent deception
i'm just gonna get into this real quick one of the one of the most diabolical things my parents
have ever done to me was i think it was second grade or third grade i was in a class and we were
reading it was around christmas time and we were reading this book and this book was probably one
of the first books that i actually was into like it was a it was about a school putting on a
christmas play it was perfectly timed for the season i was like really getting into it i was
i think it's the first book that in my mind started painting pictures of what the words were saying
so it's like i had read books before but like you know children's books or whatever the pictures
that i would like associate with the words but this was like the first just like all it is is
words and i had to make the pictures myself in my head and i started to understand maybe the
beginnings the spark of a love of reading right this is important to the story so i finished this
book and my teacher says she says um she goes guess what everybody you're not going to believe it i
went to blockbuster and they have a movie adaptation of the book we're all watching that we're the book
we're all reading and i was like what and she's like i'm renting it tonight we're gonna watch it
tomorrow she like told us and i'm like yeah this is what i just finished the book i was so fucking
excited next morning my parents take my sister and i and they're like you're not going to school today
and i'm like what they're like you have to go to the doctor's office and we're like what and they
start driving and they're starting to drive us and we're going we're driving and they're like what are
we going for are we going to get shots they're like yeah you're gonna get shots but they're
gonna check for hemorrhoids and we're like i'm like second grade third grade i'm like what's a
hemorrhoid and she's like well they're gonna put a glove on they're gonna put a finger in your butt
and they're gonna search around for hemorrhoids and i'm against the glass just crying right
i just snot and tears just crawling i'm it's the most horrific feeling i just think of man's about
to put a finger in my butt and i it's the most i don't get to watch the movie i don't get to watch
so i'm just thinking of the movie and just think it's the most horrific thing ever and then my dad
he goes wow shit i'm lost i can't find the doctor's office well here's disneyland let's just go here
instead which was their plan all along but i'll tell you this if you want your kids to enjoy the
first half of the day at disneyland don't tell them before you get there that they're gonna get
hemorrhoid check because i think it took me hours to calm down like even at disneyland i'm still
will your dad adopt me will andy rice
like you know i was supposed to take the doctor's office let's just go take him
just like him diabetes while we're here yeah jeez that was uh that was rough parents um all right so
let's get into uh well we're supposed to remind you of something too what was that i don't remember
well that doesn't know i figured you would remember i think it was about an island lake too and i think
we talked about it perfect setting for goonies though yeah last last mention of goonies uh perfect
movie where when you sleep in it's fucking raining outside you have your comfort food with you and
you're just chilling in your living room no one's home and just watching exactly how we watched it
last night it was just kind of rainy day and then it was like the we got a palette made a palette
with the grandkids me and my wife and sat and watched it on our giant screen and delivered it
was so cool you know what i did was i played about four hours of alan wake 2 and i got really scared
and uncomfortable and then before going to bed i watched the goonies and was at a perfect peaceful
sleep cleanser yeah it's a great palette cleanser yeah so if you need a palette even yeah um oh
by the way exciting news um if you guys remember the very good um mini series uh spartacus blood
on the sand you remember that yeah it was great love that shit it was like 300 the show but it
was like spartacus um and then unfortunately the the the main actor died okay um but then they still
made seasons after new season coming out new season of spartacus blood and sand blood and sand
yeah do we know who the actress i think it's the guy from the last one the long haired dude all
right so mike what is your movie recommendation okay uh well we honestly i didn't have one before
i came because i was gonna say i'm not sure about what's happening next week which i'm still not
but what's regular episode next week well no but i just remember i'm gonna be out of town saturday
and you've got something saturday night so i don't know when we're gonna record as always get that
so uh maybe friday whatever that's neither another uh the
we got this theme with the space weed today and then pirates so i was thinking space pirates the
movie space no no that's not a toby that was my first thought but it's not a toby
but when i searched for it the ultimate space pirate movie came up something we've all probably
seen before hold on let me see if i can guess lost lost treasure planet no ultimate space pirate
movie well treasure planet's a great space pirate movie um hold on how about i don't think kind of
well space other planet this isn't worth this isn't worth the podcasting time what uh what is it
hmm no but that's closer is it but mad max hmm interesting take on the word space and pirate
yeah and another planet yeah wait mad max mad max does not take place on another planet takes
place on earth takes place in wasteland australia it came up in the search i don't know talk to ai
there's two things came up mad max and a movie called space truckers that's the two things that
came up when i did it onto me i'm just gonna for the for the listeners at home i don't want to give
out bad information right uh mad max takes place i mean it does take place in australia it's australia
no i'm good you're right i think of this futuristic space hyper futuristic a vengeful cop and a
sadistic motorcycle gang face off in chaos so anyway that's what came up but my other one was
space truckers and i didn't even read the description i didn't go click on space truckers
okay see the description of space truck real quick i'll choose between those two is road warrior on
here because if we're gonna do mad max can we i know but is road warrior on here because i would
rather watch the better i don't think it is damn it it's not okay well then space truckers is what's
on you do space pirates those space truckers yeah no this looks is this your is this your that's so
that's my actual recommendation this one space truckers okay steven dorf dennis hopper oh good
lord a space trucker and his fiance head back to earth oblivious to their cargo 5000 disintegrator
robots who are which they're hijacked by space pirates okay so that's why i put in space pirates
this is what came up i have no idea obviously i've never seen it looks like our kind of movie
that's all oh yeah there we go that's the shit right there mike oh okay that's my pick all right
austin all right so this one i actually watched some of it uh two nights ago yeah uh with kyle
here and kyle was smoking a joint that my mom rolled for him nice your mom's great this movie
i just got into it so much because it was just like fucking out there that i started smoking the
joint oh fuck being notorious for the guy who does never smoke some of this podcast yeah what is it
i'm excited fucking it's from 1956 oh shit oh sci-fi starring leslie nielsen forbidden planet oh
oh hey it's forbidden planet is not on it was it forbidden world is on here which we cannot watch
so yeah yeah for business planet yeah all right so one hour and a half of crew on a
on a mission to a distant forbidden planet discovers that there are two survivors of a
spaceship that crashed two decades prior oh but it starts you should have led with it stars walter
pigeon you know walter pigeon of cinderella and rodger hamperstein cinderella kv paris hit the deck
elizabeth taylor the last time i saw paris and the house across the bay and of course look at
the robot on that's the french version i guess danger will robinson yeah that looks so you both
picked some fucking cheese all right uh kyle did you have a movie oh yeah i got you right here
check it out oh fuck yeah it's a movie uh hard boiled is made in 1992 it's about this
cop and he's working like against the yakuza and stuff is it on tubi i'm not sure if it's on
tubi but i think it is thought of it it's but i like the pitch um so we have hard we have hard
boy which is not on tubi but in its place we could do since it comes up since any two comes up when
you type or my camera what's that too that looks fucking sick what is this oh 1930s prohibition
here in new york city oh it's a series but it was on dust it's a future sentient oh so it's like
prohibition era detective drama but with robots it does look cool it does look pretty fucking cool
i'm gonna watch that just on my own yeah but that's not my because it's a show right i'm actually
weirdly enough i went with the horror route a little bit um but the covenant it's not really
horror but i i just i saw it on here last night i fucking love it it's the craft but with dudes
and it's just if you've seen the craft that's basically it it's just like four dudes find out
that they're warlocks and they they have like a 2006 graphics over the top fucking there's a scene
that i just really like where they're on a uh like a high speed chase with the cops and they use magic
to get out of it in an interesting way that i like that's like they're the magic in this feels more
realistic like the craft did remember if you've watched if you watch the craft a lot of it was
like you could tell they were getting in over their heads as it was slowly kind of building up
to it like they didn't just like harry potter get a wand instant all you have to do is say the
right fucking words and you've got super magic this is like teenagers working together to try to fucking
work something that's beyond their grasp it's good yeah and sebastian stan and then but taylor
kich i think this might have been his first movie uh taylor kich is who again is he from um is he
john carter of mars yes yeah he is okay um he's also friday night lights and battleship actually
uh love with the friday night lights what's his first one that comes up if you click on it yeah
i'm curious what this was his first movie look how smooth he looks in that fucking imdb
geez man hire taylor kich he's a good looking dude all right why isn't he on sexiest people
magazines or whatever so what am i doing all right no kyle xy love that show it's one episode
you guys ever see kyle xy oh john tucker must die oh yeah that's a fun one snakes on a plane
and then the covenant so it was early earlier and then he was gambit um but uh kyle xy
there it's weird look at the picture uh he doesn't have a belly button that's why it's just a person
with a shirt lifted up this is kind of a hard thing to see show from a distance like oh i really
like this show and then people just see like what the fuck and it's just some dude showing his fucking
abs uh yeah but he doesn't have a belly button it's just some some dude wakes up with no memory
no belly button and he's like a super genius and he can has all these abilities and he gets
adopted by some like good-natured family and then there's a government agency trying to get their
project back which is him and it's chuck before chuck a little bit yeah it is chuck before chuck
and it was on i think abc um or whatever but at the time i really liked it when i was a kid it
was like one of those after school kind of shows and it just it hit right it is streaming on hulu
if you want to watch it it is streaming on hulu i would yeah if you're if that sounds interesting
to you um i also thought the main actor matt dallas i don't know what what he's done since
i don't know what he's done since i don't know nothing like i don't get it he had a whole show
i do remember that he was good oh here's a picture of him naked and something oh kyle xy that's where
you find him he's naked yeah um that's a weird way to end the show but uh let's do the vote uh so
but we're looking naked kyle xy when we do it so the choices are uh i forgot to write it down say
it again space truckers okay space truckers we also have forbidden planet hard boiled if we want
to go out and get it and the covenant so the rating the voting system on here is just kind
of vote for the one the one you want that makes sense but i'm gonna i get kind of multiple votes
and so just don't don't get you know he has veto power i have veto power so just keep that in mind
uh so if you want to vote for man let's let's start with you because i'm space truckers is
to me i think the most the contender uh but we'll see forbidden planet uh yeah i want i want
forbidden planet you gotta raise your hand speak mic um let me just raise your hand okay yeah well
i was telling you to show me and then now the next one hard boiled who wants to vote for hard
boiled so it's one to one right now sorry kyle it's just not on 2b all right how about the covenant
bunch of warlocks one to one to one can i un-raise a hand i really don't want to fucking watch that
space truckers it's space truckers okay you're the deciding vote well wait oh so then it's just
it's not voting for space truckers and wow this was like a bad voting yeah it's one one one that's
the problem uh hard boiled yeah you can't vote that one's off the table now it might be on youtube
i don't know because we're tied but no one else voted for it okay it's time for your randomizer
your one oh yeah you're i guess fuck it let's one one one you're on randomizer all right everyone
voted for their own everybody voted for their own movie nobody'd come off of it so all right
all right
you do randomize one through three i'll just just the order we did i'm in space truckers is one i was
thinking about being more creative for chet to be like uh and hard boiled is three here's oh give
those three movies a list of movies you can't pick one and make it dramatic okay let's see space
truckers forbidden planet oh yeah let's do it in order
this is fun podcasting forbidden planet and the covenant no and and hardball no no we're taking
that one we can't we can't it's not on you well then you gotta put and forbidden planet and the
covenant you really like your okay there's text i got you i'm sorry no comma no i like the oxford
comma i always do we're not gonna do an oxford comma i always oxford comma i i don't like that
people don't ask for cover you don't ask for comma no it sounds just putting it sounds like an excuse
to put a comma where should it be no i think it should be there that's why oxford backs it up
yeah what did i write the covenant okay jesus all right the covenant
choose randomly a random pick one i wanted to actually think about based on
how good is no no make okay how about this choose one make up a random
metric on which to watch judge these movies
these movies it's gonna take four hours to do this i don't have any ideas explain what that
metric is yeah and then
then choose a movie for my podcast to review it's good keep in mind
that my podcast is a marijuana based movie review
you and we are depending on you to make a wise choice
don't forget the oxford period when you're done
um and then please please reveal the answer in a dramatic fashion dramatic drawn out that's all
i just it just pauses it is what it does when you tell dramatic drawn out you're gonna read all this
so drawn out this make that's a fashion add a joke add a joke or two make it a rant make it peppy
love you thanks
that is the most interesting okay that's pretty fast yeah it's great i love chat gbt all right
all right here we go all right let's spice up your marijuana themed movie review podcast
what they need we have kyle read it you have to fucking send anything the whole show yeah
make it some noise oh god he's just gonna come out and give look now it's now it's homework
all right oh jesus it's really drawing it out holy shit fucking we're already at almost two
and a half hours this is just an extra long stupid episode we have the answer but we it
won't get to it for the listeners at home they don't need to know that we've already seen it so
we're gonna love you too and we're gonna what no we're gonna read it don't say the answer yet
don't say the answer no i just like but the very yeah okay but don't see yeah i'm not gonna say
no you did but okay damn it okay yeah i don't want to i don't want to ruin that that's funny
this is so it's so good it's right it's spot on you know let's not have them do all of it how
about this how about you read okay kyle because we're gonna have you read some stuff now all right
cool you ready is this is this text big enough do you want me to make it bigger all right we're
starting up here and making it you know you're the announcer now you're about to reveal the
winner and everything all right so let's spice up your marijuana themed movie review podcast with
a unique tailor-made metric the cosmic hyo meter the playful scale measures how well a movie
compliments the cannabis experience based on three key components visual feast factor the level of
visual spectacle and special effects that can be extra entertaining under the influence that's good
i like that yeah number two is mind bendiness how much the movie challenges or plays with the
viewer's perception and thoughts great and three is chill to thrill ratio the balance between relaxed
easygoing scenes and intense edge of your seat moments austin that's great you want to take over
now let's evaluate our movie candidates and let me just let me okay real quick because you're a
guest kyle i'm gonna let you just do you and i like it just you you're just doing you but austin
you're a performer i want you to sell this he has the experience i want you to fucking sell this this
is our movie candidates really sell them because mike's gonna send it home with the reveal
because mike's gonna send it home with the reveal now let's evaluate our movie candidates number one
space truckers this quirky space adventure is like ordering a pizza with every topping it's an
unexpected mix but somehow it works with this over the top effects and a plot that's more twisted
than a pretzel and yoga class oh that's funny it scores high on the visual feast factor and
mind-bending is number two is forbidden planet a classic that's like fine wine it gets better with
age it's vintage sci-fi charm and cerebral plot offer more mellow but intellectually stimulating
experience it's like the wise old sage of sci-fi movies offering deep thoughts with a side of
retro visuals okay now number three the covenant okay don't under austin no i want you to sell it
no come on we just it's already made a decision don't undersell my movie you bitch the covenant
okay the covenant think of this as a roller coaster that wasn't quite scary but still made
you scream it's a bit more of a thriller with a supernatural twist offering less of a cosmic and
more of the earthly chills it's like dipping your toes into a shallow end of a pool thrilling but
say wow that doesn't sound great at all yeah okay well wow you really didn't like it either fucking
uh uh okay uh now drum roll please
okay for your one-of-a-kind puff puff pass movie review podcast the winner is space truckers
why all right imagine this you're floating in the galaxy of your mind and here comes a convoy of
interstellar 18-wheeler loaded with laughs bizarre scenes and visual effects that are like a fireworks
display in a kaleidoscope it's the perfect companion for when you're as high as the
as the iss and looking for a movie that says logic where we're going we don't need logic oh
boy so grab your favorite strain sit back and let space trekkers take you on a ride that's more fun
than finding a hidden snack in the couch cushions enjoy the show and remember in space no one can
hear you snack and then you can do the well then it tells me love you too and happy reviewing
which i think is a nice touch from chat gpt if we're being honest it really cares uh so anyway
we're gonna do that from now on i think i think so too this was amazing what you can do is i like
well no i already got this i'm gonna save this as our metric right and we can go to this one
specifically every single time i just use it i could just add the next list so perfect all right
so great we're watching space truckers so what will be do you have a news pick our
304 movies five movies whatever it is yeah it's gonna be great uh let's do some all right anybody
want some plugs on the way out oh we got a question though oh yeah yeah yeah yeah uh
all right so we have a number you go to it uh we go to fried rice podcast.com that's our website
on the bottom there's a number it's 702-829-0117 uh it's a voicemail it's not live it's not gonna
it's a voicemail don't worry no one's gonna answer uh we ask questions there's one every week
yeah they're posted on our instagram they're posted uh on the website eventually uh you'll
find them uh answer any question you want we don't care what order you what it'll be fun for us it's
like opening up a little time capsule if i were to open up a voicemail and you're telling us about
your favorite childhood movie when we're asking about like you know what's the whatever so palette
cleanser we might have just done terrifier and we get to i hope we never do terrify again
there is terrifier too no mike stop we're not watching terrifier too uh well bob's gonna get
to pick a movie soon that's the i'm gonna edit that out because i don't want the reveal what reveal
oh i don't know shit here every week well okay damn it are you talking i'm just gonna cut this
out real quick anyway uh so that's the number our question this week is let's see we're doing space
truckers so the fuck does that uh okay so that's a combination i would say of two things that you
wouldn't see in a movie you wouldn't take sci-fi and convoy you would take you wouldn't take star
wars and convoy put them in a movie together well someone did so what is another mashup movie
mashup that's good yeah that sort of rings that same kind of bell that's sort of bell ringer
that's sort of you know whatever um i like that question anything better favorite mashup movie
favorite mashup movies maybe that's whatever i think that's a little genre mashups but then
that's just like homework for people how about like something just more personal how about like
how about what's your favorite mashup movies just have we done what's our favorite shit to watch
while we're high no let's do that what's your favorite shit to watch while you're high just
put on the background and chill are you talking about like like you know watch while you're high
i'll tell you one thing that i've always watched that uh this is just something you can watch
uh and if you like it you can agree on the hoistmail uh that it's the daft punk interstellar
five five five five it's like 40 something minutes long it's their album discovery beginning to end
and what they just did an anime on it like starts i mean i'm not going to give it away but it's just
like the entire thing is a story told exclusively through music it's an anime about aliens and earth
and it's very good the album is one of my favorites so if you like daft punk in general
you'll like it it's got um bangers on there that you'll recognize like one more time you know like
that one um but anyway interstellar five five you watch that while you're high it's just that's a
good time it's visually pleasing the music's great you can just sit back and just fucking vibe
i was what i'm how i always do like old 50s and 60s like horror sci-fi like really crazy stuff
like the forbidden you were mentioning forbidden planet or forbidden there's another forbidden
something that's got like herb villages in it and like it's just weird out there stuff crazy things
i like to watch when i'm piloted or like uh i'll get high and then watch uh the anti getting high
movies you know sure it's funny i guess yeah yeah just chill what do you like yeah i guess what do
you like watching when you're high i guess it's gonna be different for every person some people
probably like watch a bunch of different shit you know mine's a little wild it's uh metallica
through the never okay that movie it's like a live concert but there's also a game going on is that
dayton or uh what's his name the guy from invincible that invincible what's it called invincible um
dana from well it's uh valerian in the city of a thousand planets is the uh the movie kids we
were kids we used to watch dane de ha this guy yeah yeah yeah yeah so uh this guy's dope valerian
in the city of a thousand planets i will always stand by as a great movie uh i also think chronicle
chronicle is so good is that on tubi can we just do that one no we can't change but we can have it
in mind if it is it's not it's not no it's not well it's one that will eventually come on it could
be andy's solo reviews it could be yeah i'm starting to do solo reviews too oh yeah ladies and
gentlemen pay attention on uh whatever our website patreon i don't know what we're gonna do with it
we haven't discussed it yet but i'm doing like little solo mini reviews too where it's just me
um uh just doing movies that i wanted to watch that everyone else doesn't vote on because no one
knows what see i do the same thing kind of on on the bend over oh yeah we also have that was that
was i gave you an opportunity to plug you should say go to the bendover.com i know i didn't think
of it that i was saying i put in like when i do this because i have like a four page review
that goonies i put the whole thing up there every week yeah and then what i've started doing is now
i'm going back and when we do the things like this week i've got three three other movies to watch
i'm gonna watch this just goes in my watch list and i watch them as i get time i also review the
ones that we didn't pick yeah so if you want extra reviews that we don't cover that we also talk
about you can go to bendover.com bendover flicks no i would not suggest bendover don't go to bendover.com
go to bendover flicks dover flicks.com f l i x bendover flicks.com you can read michael's ai
old man reviews um it's kind of a combination yeah he's been he's been making an old man ai
like client and it's personality kind of put into an ai so if that's something that
does it for you if you're one of those niche kind of mic lovers out there uh our smallest
subsect of fans if you're one of the if you're one of the if you're one of the mic uh oh god we
got to come up with a fan base name for you and so that for that one person uh your wife to be
able to call herself when she listens to the episodes um anyway so uh we're doing oh slap
stickers yeah the slap sticks yeah the slap stick or mike things oh yeah mike things
uh this movie makes me miss man thing oh yeah wrong with some of the real things so
that's our show ladies and gentlemen this is a long one a lot of it was probably dead air
it's probably one of our slower paced ones i'm sorry not a whole lot of arguments i mean i don't
know if that's what you're here for or if this was a better one because of all that this might have
been one of our better episodes now that i think about it you're welcome ladies and gentlemen we
were straight here kyle didn't have this is kyle's first podcast he was ever on ever probably his
first ever performative thing ever i mean he's here every week because as always but um i this
is the first time we've gotten him to talk right and boy did he sort of do that um so
i'm just kidding uh sort of uh so we're gonna do space music because of um space truckers
oh you know what no no i'm gonna what i'm gonna do what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna put space music
but for truckers no let's see if it even gives me spell wow space trucker music it does have
an option yeah of course it does no that's the halo theme it's a thing it's a playlist yeah
no that's all real shit we can't do that uh hold on chat gpt is our friend we just ask him again
we just ask him again that's all we gotta do we just go hey what's this wait hold on truckers
hey buddy uh can you give me a recommendation
right rec i'm uh oh jesus can you give me a rec for music to listen to um while being a space
space trucker it needs to be you gotta tell that's gotta be copyright free copyright free and also
like if i were a space trucker with a lot of oxford commas if i were a space trucker
i would probably like western music but it's also the future so who knows right
the conversational chat gtp is interesting because i'm still using 3.5
how are you how's your mom
hey i'm nice to ai you never know hello there it's great to hear from you i'm here ready to assist
as always as for my mom i suppose you could say she's doing well in the vast world of data and
algorithms okay great you should check in more thanks for asking and love received and returned
thanks for your space trucker music adventure blending the vibe of western tunes with a futuristic
twist sounds like a fun new idea here's a few suggestions for copyright free synth wave with a
western twist that's exactly what i need that's what i fucking wanted thank you jet chat gbt it
does the algorithm so i don't have to all right i'm breaking the internet it's it's it's collecting
my data all right here we go synth wave with a western twit no copyright oh come on space wave
synth the second one down right there no that's space wave it doesn't say western oh i thought
it did space wave synth wave man didn't i just apologize to the people at home for having like
this dead air and shit oh electro country that has to give us something right electro country
country electric electro swing music country folk country music deep stone country rock electric
two minutes i'll beat electric background i feel like we could try one more variation
the chill step with western samples is that you think that's going to give us
instrumental bluegrass with electronic overtones would be wonderful look we're giving kyle over
here a hard on he's like i never even i never even thought of these as a fucking option before
bro i if you're willing to make music for us for no reason other than to just put your shit out
there this is the kind of shit i would love it's just like give us chill step with western samples
okay that's like a hot dog burger with pizza hell yeah it sounds delicious okay well we're
gonna go with this wait
no i can do better i could do better for the listeners at home i can do better because this
is what we're gonna do we're gonna also put space ambient music play both at the same time yeah
that's how you do it but alive do that space music oh yeah fuck yeah it's gonna allow me to do it
let's get the space music going first it takes up the most space feels like that is this
chill no this space this isn't space no just type in spaceship noises yeah that's what i want space
oh this is ambient space like it thinks i'm some fucking uh like i'm i'm like i'm like yoga yeah
like i need some ambient space no no no i want spaceship uh noise spaceship takeoff sound effect
boom let's go 15 seconds oh shit um that was pretty good though if you could loop it it would
work yeah i can't loop it no this isn't gonna fucking work uh i ruined it whatever this is
what we're doing now it's just country uh bleep bleep bleep bleep that's the space yeah fuck this
was welcome to the fried rice podcast where we need to end shit 30 40 minutes earlier uh this
has been fried rice podcast i've been your host danny ross with me as always is michael man i'd
love to put him in an airlock and just fucking shoot him out in the fucking space am i right
hey have a good week everybody super bowls this weekend for us i hope uh the chiefs won
if you're not a chiefs fan you know i'll fill it you want if you're not right yeah well shit way to
be a flip-flopper i hope the chiefs lose though because if you're wishy washy fan dedication you
bastard with me as always is austin he uh rode his horse out in the sun sunset you know what when
they say that right i think a stand-up comic or maybe a ted talks talked about this why would a
cowboy ride off into the sunset always into the sunrise because you want to get a whole day's
worth of riding you don't ride off you don't leave the town the safety the house that you're in to
and then you go oh looks like night's coming time to leave no that's not how fucking it used to work
back in the day anyway you get it he did it the right way austin left at when when the sun was
rising and he got here during the daytime feral goonies never say die with us as always is he's
silent but deadly and what i mean by that is that he's killed three people since he's been here and
he's put their bodies in the fucking murder room it's it's kyle hopefully the newest member of
fried rice podcast in the music department just fucking bleep blorp in a way yeah i was there
hell yeah and i'm your host andy rice this has been a long fucking drawn out weird but we didn't
interrupt each other as much so like i'm happy with that episode of fried rice podcast the music
just ended naturally this is how it goes fucking good night peace peace
hey man have you ever heard of fried rice podcast fried rice podcast yeah man there are podcasts
that reviews movies and a new one comes out every saturday on youtube they're sponsored by bell
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