Hey there ladies and gentlemen, and we have some exciting news coming up on February 16th
here in Bullhead City, Arizona at the Miracle Mile Event Center. There's going to be a
Mojave Comedy show in which I will be performing along with Austin and Ryan and Jesse and some
other favorites that might or might not have appeared on the show. If you want to come
on out, it's mojavecomedy.com. You can check out the details there. You can also go to
facebook.com and check out Mojave Comedy through there. Unrelated, February 16th, 2024 at an
undisclosed location there will be a Fried Rice Podcast live recording in front of a
live studio audience. If you want to be a part of that, please go to mojavecomedy.com
or check out Facebook Mojave Comedy and look for details there for maybe something related
or unrelated. Also, please, we have a brand new phone number, a voicemail, the Fried Rice
Podcast voicemail. It is 1-702-829-0117. Again, that is 702-829-0117. This is a voicemail
that is open for any of you knuckleheads to call and leave us your thoughts. We will play
them on air. Thank you and sorry again about whatever caused there to be space for an advertisement.
And welcome to another just chill, just fucking chilled out episode of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host Andy Rice, Let's Get Fried. With me as always, we have Austin. He drove
one hour to be here today. What the fuck is up? We have Michael, a salt and pepper guy.
He's a salt and pepper guy. He's a salt and pepper guy. He's a salt and pepper guy. He's
a salt and pepper person. He's a salt and pepper person. He's a salt and pepper stick
Michael assault on pre-seed 13 was was his movie suggestion keep that in mind
for the rest of this interview for the rest of this podcast he's lucky to be
alive we try to kill him every week this week was poisoned pizza except he ate
the wrong slices that was good pizza lucky to be alive slapstick Larson hey
everybody and I already said it I'm Andy Rice let's get fried God I wish assault
on pre-seed 13 had a more upbeat intro because holy fucking shit
well that other synthwave one was really good it was but this is the actual
music from the movie the opening we were talking about it sounds like a 70s sitcom my wife and I were talking about when we were watching it
it sounds like a 70s sitcom music the other version of the theme where it's like more intense like it made me want a breakdown that it never gave me
I agree I don't blame them because John Carpenter actually composed the music for this movie
Oh did he? Did he really? He did it in three days of course John Carpenter he does everything he sat at a Casio hit the hit the one button that gave him 90% of what we just listened to and then he just kind of added a
He's just dicking around and the movie was shot in 21 days. Oh I couldn't tell at all. Well we're gonna get into this because I already think I know that Austin enjoyed it the movie spoilers and I very much enjoyed it too and you recommended it. I recommended it and I hate it. Can't kick the table you just be mindful. This will make sense later but my wife is in this movie. What? Okay. Okay.
So anyways we'll get to the movie later. By the way the name of that song we were listening to is called Julie and I don't remember there being a single character named Julie in the movie. Oh yeah she was the worst character in the movie that's why she's so forgetful.
Is she the one that spoilers dies of the chicks? Yes. She's one of the two. Okay got it got it got it. I thought you were gonna say it's the little girl's name. I thought you were gonna tell me it's the little girl's name. She's the worst character in the movie? Because the little girl acted her hard out she wasn't too bad.
Interesting fact incoming about the little girl which I will break down later so stay tuned. Oh yeah that's a teaser. No no no. Interesting fact incoming. Your brain the way it put those words in order absolutely from our perspective did not sound like it was gonna stop right there. Here's a fact about the little girl that I will absolutely tell you. Later. Later.
So let's get uh let's move past the movie and then we'll get back to it. So this this is a very special week because as you know here in the podcast we are always begging for sponsors and low and behold our freshest face on the team went out and procured us a sponsor. So Austin since this was your get why don't you give us the rundown of who is sponsoring us.
Okie dokie. So my buddy Jason out in Havasu has his own business where he sells this smoking device and I was like perfect stoner podcast let me get these they're called bell ringers and it goes into your bong or you could just smoke it straight out however you want. It has three inserts for three different joints or other bell ringers so you can have it's like infinity stoner legos.
You can do a combo you can do a dab and two joints or three dabs but if you add another one then you get five joints and then if you add another one you can do seven. Yeah. So adding. I wish this is one of those things that I wish we we had this that we were on video we will be soon I'm so sorry I know we've talked about this for fucking ever we don't have any video I'm so sorry but we're working on it.
Just like the way I'm going to describe this physically just so that you can have an idea of what it looks like it's picture like a standard bowl piece for a bong but instead of it being like a hollowed out bowl it's three separate smaller bowls and sort of a honeycomb triangle formation right.
But what he's saying is with the connected with the connectivity you can add another bell ringer smaller bell ringer into each of the it's a Russian nesting doll of a dab rig situation so not dab rig because you wouldn't want to hit this with a torch but like the way I've used it in the past because I've actually used a bell ringer in the past because I met I met Jason and he he's dope and so
the way he did it was we put three fucking joints into each of the holes.
One joint each one in each hole. And then we fucking lit all three. And we were just ripping like ripping triple joints that you saw pineapple Express. You know the the cross joint that you can make that a way more conceivable reality without having to fucking duct tape some joint together you can get this
every single time without a degree in origami I would say practicality wise this is not an everyday use unless you're the biggest donor on earth but holy shit.
That's what Mike was saying this is great for leftover joints like butts like if you have any of that last little bit you just pack all three in get yourself a mega hit.
But also, I can imagine pulling this thing on a party. Oh, and having everybody put their own joy into their fucking thing we all just get ripped off. Yeah. And it has all different kinds of sizes so you know you could stack bell ringers on top of each other.
There's a bunch of different ones that he's making that have different properties, like the one I'll bring up on what are we smoking. That one is like made out of like a chalkboard he material so you can like, take the other bell ringers and like write stuff on it you can like
put your name on or do whatever you want with it. This one's just like a max jumbo size one for like blunts and like other other parts you want to put in it. This one here fucking glows in the dark. Yeah, that's cool.
I wish can't lose most bold pieces glow to the dark in general because when you're at night, you know, you drop it like out in the wild. Right.
I like it. So, bell ringers, how do we how do we get ahold of them had to have people on and listening. So he is bell ringers on Facebook and Instagram, because he got a site to where you can buy stuff I think he's still working on the site.
Instagram is and how do you spell bell ringers just be in the LL RINGR and then is it a Z bell underscore ringers with a Z. There you go. Oh, and he actually does. It's my bell ringer calm by bell ringer.com so that's bell ringers bell underscore ringers with a Z on Instagram.
It is also my bell ringer.com our first sponsor. Thank you so much to Jason let's give it up for you.
Thank you so much our first sponsor another shout out to destiny our first patreon let's give it up to her. Yeah, these are the people that have supported us shout out to my parents because ultimately they've super supportive.
Shout out to you guys for just coming in and just be part of the core.
Shout out to you guys.
Oh shout out to the pizza. Oh yeah, I'm working on maybe possibly a second sponsor, which might be Rosati's pizza.
How do you try to work out a deal where we get a free pizza for each episode and we just say the pizza was good.
Yeah, oh so we don't say we don't have to be literally was fine.
The one that we just had. Yeah, which is called the use of the godfather anymore. It used to be called the godfather but then there was some legal issues obviously what the movie maybe another pizza place maybe the godfather's Oh godfather's pizza.
So they changed it to Rosati's is a Chicago style restaurant so they changed change it to the Windy City. We're supposed to be getting a Rosati's here.
Yeah, that's the guy that I got this one from. Yeah, him. He's opening one out here. Yeah, it's going to go right next to where across the street from our store. Yeah, yeah.
And I used to work there so that'll be cool because then I won't have to bring a piece of an hour away in a right across the street from where we are.
So, oh yeah, sorry, John.
So sorry, John.
So, just a heads up to the listeners at home.
I'm going to be doing a lot of the heavy lifting smoking wise this episode.
I have somewhere to be right after the show so I can't. Mike's going a little bit lighter than typical and Austin, he already got his fill today. Yeah, to pick up the bell ringers I went to the guy's office and I was like cool I mean he didn't know I didn't really smoke he just knew I was on a stoner pocket so he assumed that I smoke,
and he's like oh dude that's cool I'll totally give you the bell ringers. I'm going to, I'm going to do my own little ad and I thought he was going to smoke it, and then he hands it to me and he already has the Facebook live going I'm like, well, I haven't smoked in like a month.
But I guess I can't look like a bitch on this Facebook live so he put a dab and two joints in it. Yeah, like really good.
I took one hit, and then I just sat down and I'm like, yeah, I did it. I did it. Can't wait for the podcast. Check out the bell ringers podcast.
So Austin's moving a little slower today. Yeah, so I'm, I'm, yeah so this is going to be a lot of Andy just getting fucking ripped so if you're familiar with the famous, I'm going to say the now infamous episode where Brennan and I, it was just us.
Oh, we did the commercials for. We did the commercials. Jesus Christ. Those commercials man, like were you there when we recorded the commercials last week? Yeah, I'm in one. You're in one. Yeah, there we go.
Bro, I can't, the process if you're listening at home, now that it's all done and behind us, that episode just aired a couple days ago. But we recorded it a month ago, and then we just finished up the commercials like last week and threw them in.
I just listened to that episode on the way here so it's fresh in my mind. Oh, that's the one they just hit. It's such a fucking unhinged. It was so funny. It's not a Jesse. Several weeks ago now, if you're listening now. Yeah, it's not a Jesse edited episode so there's, it's me edited episode which I got the commercials in.
That's all I needed to do. You didn't edit much, right? You didn't edit anything else. I don't even think I put the fucking ending song in. No? Did I put the ending song in? No, I just cut right off.
Holy shit, how many have I not put the ending song in? I don't know. Oh God, listeners at home, I'm so fucking sorry. Dude, Jesse has been saving my ass. He might actually not be coming to the episodes anymore. He might just be our behind the scenes man.
Because he said earlier, he's like, well, here's the thing. I get hotboxed. I get really fucking stoned on my ass which I'm not trying to get and then I can't, you know, the rest of the day is fucked. And I was like, yeah, that makes sense. You can't really come to the Fried Rice podcast and not get at least proximity high.
You get a little high no matter what. Which is, I think, a perfect opportunity for Jesse to roll the music for What Are We Fucking Smoking?
Oh, yeah. Oh, wait, yeah. Holy shit. Okay, so Santa Claus, Austin here, Feral Santa Claus brought Andy a little gift. It's a Christmas present and it's also, this is by far, I've been on quite a few podcasts. I've been on Philosopher and the Comedian. I've been on Now You Listen. I've been on Ryan's.
This one is by far, that's Bros and Collins by the way. Bros and Collins, right. I've been, this is the most fun podcast I've ever been on. Hi Ryan. Anyways, and this is just my way of saying thank you. Even though I don't smoke, that's a whole long story of why I can't really smoke that much. But thanks for letting me come on to your stoner podcast, not smoke and talk shit on it. Merry Christmas, Andy.
Wow. Hey, thank you. I need a clap right here. Just clap in the background. It always makes the world a better. Andy's Christmas present. Thank you. It's in a grocery bag. It's in about eight grocery bags. That was the whole, that's the part that's going to entertain me. That's my Christmas present.
And these are tight knots too. They're not untieable knots. They're. Speaking of presents, we want to remember to mention Andy Palooza. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a, that's, I was actually going to. That'll tie every time while you're opening. So ladies and gentlemen, to the sound of me unwrapping this gift, it's a good time to remind you all.
February. Well, okay. Well, let me, because I am going to get distracted. Two things to keep in mind, two completely unrelated things. And that is important to keep in mind. Right. First, February 16th at 8, 8, 8 PM at the Miracle Mile Event Center here in Bullhead.
I will be performing in a very fun standup comedy show with Mojave Comedy. It's going to be a blast. Austin's going to be there. Anthony Mitchell will be. Yeah. Ryan Collin will be there. Jesse will be there. So voices and people that you've heard before on the podcast, they will be there.
It's totally unrelated. Well, yeah, yeah. Don't give away the game. But hey, what was that? You want to hear the second announcement of that? That was completely unrelated. The first one. Yeah. So at a on February 16th at an undisclosed location, that's important. We don't know where this is going to take place yet.
Fried Rice podcast is going to be doing a live on stage performance episode with a not live at Comic Con. This is going to be this. There's going to be adults. Yeah, we're going to be we're going to be smoking. We're going to be hanging out. We're going to be having fun. It is going to be a fucking blast.
So if you can make it out February 16th to the Bullhead City area, which is right across from Loughlin, Nevada. So if you're familiar with the area, get a hotel room in Loughlin or here in town and come stay with Andy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't even I don't even whoever you are listening to this how close we are.
Even my family. No, no, no, just get a hotel room somewhere. We'll find time to hang out. But no, there's not there's no room at the end. Anyway, great. Add over time to continue opening my presents. God, you really wrapped the fuck out of this. This is the fun part for me. Yeah.
You open several grocery bags. This would piss off so many Californians because each of this is just 10 cents. I'm throwing away. Yeah, California. I went I went just bags are better. You ever go over there and they give you a really nice bag. Yeah, trust me, dude. I buy some of those and I come back here because those are my traveling bags. Yeah, they're just that.
The bags they give you at the store. Yeah. This is something Star Trek. Wait, what is this? Star Trek. The next generation inner space series personal communic. Oh, hell yeah. Dude, I'm not. I want to open it so bad. Yeah, totally. It's numbered. It's too. Oh, my numbered. Oh, it's a collector's fuck. Dude, this is sick.
Holy shit. Okay. So for the people listening at home, this is I mean, I'm a Trekkie. I'm like, to be clear, I'm a mom, a newer Trekkie, but I'm working my way through the trekkers. So I've got voyage or I've got Voyager under my belt. I've got TNG under my belt. I'm now about halfway through maybe not halfway, but almost halfway through deep space night.
I don't know if I'm going to because I know so I got so and that's gonna piss off. I love the Shatner verse. I've seen Trouble with Tribbles. I've seen like watching with the right attitude has to be watched as like you were live then you have to think out. It's the 60s. It's not. I haven't watched it with weed as it's my life.
It helps with weed. I live with my grandparents, all I could do was smoke weed and watch TV were back when you could just turn on a TV and had the antennas that got and that's all we got. We had like maybe eight channels that were good. Star Trek was always watching Batman 66. You're like 16 again.
You're like 16 again. You're like 14. You're like 16. We're like negative 40 years. So this is a this is fucking sick. So it's it's it looks like a Mighty Max. One of those little Mighty Max collectibles like the tiny clam shell.
And it has like a playset in it. So it's got data and Riker as little figurines that are fully articulated. You can move their arms up and down. That's sick. And they have it's the transporter room.
Real working transporter. What beams. Okay. So it means you put a battery. So if you get two of them you can transport joints to each other. Oh my god. How big is dude that's sick. I like that real working transporter. That's a legit. There's great present. Yeah.
Yeah. Like you have all the nerd collectible stuff and you always mention your Star Trek pants. I'm like this is perfect. Oh my what what. This is the second one. Yeah. Holy shit. This might be one of the most thoughtful and best gifts I've ever received from from a from a human being in my life.
Wow. Thank you so much for letting me on. Holy God. So so this is even cooler. It's the medical tri quarter mini playset from Star Trek Next Generation Interspace Series. So this comes with a medical tri quarter seen on the next generation.
It opens up to review. Oh it is a tri quarter and then you open it up into another mini playset and it becomes medical bay and bio lab and it has. Oh fuck yeah dude it's got Dr. Crusher commander LaForge and then look look look cutest car.
So when he's full board. Yeah. So look at that. It's got you could put you could put the board him. Oh he's in there. Look I normally I typically have heard it. We have magnifying glass though.
Because he's just for the sake that I could see this shit because he's tiny but he's cool. Yeah. You can see this you brag there.
Yeah. These are fucking sick. I don't know if I'm going to know. No I don't know how you open. Oh God. It's like from what I've got from what I've got the medical bay one is the more expensive one.
This is cool. Thank you so much Austin. These are amazing.
I have a perfect show for this. Oh wait. Use it for ads. If what records. Does that tri quarter right. No it's just I don't know Star Trek. The quarter in tri quarter is to record. It records medical information.
It's the most it's the most Star Trek. I think one little Star Trek devices in Star Trek is the tri quarter because it's just a they'll they'll walk into a they'll walk into a cavern and they'll like they'll have their tricorps out take it out and they'll just do one of these.
It's like they're Sonic screwdriver and they're just like all right it's not picking up any life forms. We're good. But then they can also tell you the same time basis of the air or at the same time.
Oh man I've got a cut on my arm. And it just repairs. Don't worry this is going to repair your arm. Yeah. Great. And then at the same time it's it's it does everything it does. I think it does. It does everything.
It's literally got a little screen on it. It's got a view screen on it with you because they could talk to the ship or it doesn't sometimes. This is the thing that could heal everybody. I'm showing them the most because it's the most basic piece of it's a piece of plastic.
With some miscellaneous button screens on it but it's not readouts. It's like the best readout you could get from this is one to six dots of information. So if somehow you can press the right button to go from I need this cut this cut healed.
That's like oh I'm getting one and a half dots. It means you're you're it means you're you're not going to make it. Sorry. But then by one by one dot can be just it's so I love Star Trek. And this is also my gift to the listeners because I just gifted you an Andy Rice tangent.
You did it also. You're supposed to stop. So maybe a bit for stage. Those are kind of fun because I like it when Andy goes on a tangent. His tangent becomes like a mammoth and all the guests on the podcast are cavemen trying to spear that man. Stop it. Oh my God.
Those are also also a good bit. I those are really true about Star Trek is really true. Those are great dude. That's fantastic. Wow. Okay. Well on the rails now that we're now that we're smoking.
That's what are we smoking. Well that was amazing. Oh speaking of which if you're going to come to the to the fried rice so fried rice the February 16th fried rice podcast live is doubling as the Andy Palooza Andy birthday extravaganza the our Lord and Savior.
No we're not going to do that. I'm just kidding. I'm done with the blasphemy stuff. I'm so sorry everybody. But the price of admission is one wrapped gift for me and I'm going to for my birthday because it's my it's my birthday.
So I'm going to open the gifts on stage live in front of the studio audience. Keep in mind this is a weed show. Keep in mind that I'm a nerd and okay and a joke gift is probably fine if if you want you know you might want to be careful there may be a whole stack of
flashlights. A lot of flesh. I did talk about flesh. Well we're looking for a sponsor. Yeah. What I mean. Oh so I get I get no no one's going to spend flashlight money on a show you know just to get on the other knockoff flash flashlights.
Oh yeah. I see weird. There's one that's like Avatar. No that's probably more expensive. Yeah. No we're talking about if it's a blue it's blue and shit. Always spend seven dollars on their handy. You could ask Jesse he has really good bits about a flesh.
I don't see I don't know if I want to get into. Yeah about flashlight because I've got a story but this isn't the place. What are we smoking. Yeah. What did you bring because before I like this guy. So my mom rolled these for us.
For us. Okay. So the comparison right now it's the one who doesn't smoke. My mom rolled my mom's a huge stoner. And her one day if she wants I think. Yeah she's she actually mentioned it because there you were talking to Dario and Ryan about weed and you some some specific subject you didn't know about.
And my mom was just shitting on you. This guy doesn't know fucking shit about weed. You got to have me on there. Yeah. To be fair Austin's mom I don't know shit about weed. I smoke it all the time. I would you know but that's like I would think most alcoholics don't know how to brew beer.
They get the idea of how a beer is brewed. They've made me watch to how it's made but like I don't know what the fuck terpenes are and what they do to weed or what the percentage of that. Now there's two percentages of things. Have you noticed that.
There's two percentages. Sometimes three. Yeah. I've got right here and pulled something up total percentage to yes THC CBD and cannabinoids. Yeah. Who gives a fuck.
Who cares. Give me high. Does it give me high. So I like the fact that she rolled this for. This is a bunch of friends. Oh my god. Holy shit.
He just pulled out a bell ringer. The bell ringer loaded. Yes. So she rolled three joints and I got a extra bell ringer and I put them in the bell ringer.
Oh I have a question. The tube come with the bell ringer. Did you know. Did you know the joints. The joints in the tube for me. And I just love the fact that my mom rolled these for us. It's like this is like when you were kids. Oh yeah.
You go to your friend's house on a Saturday and your mom makes sandwiches for everyone. Yeah. It's like you're all your bicycles are pizza rolls.
All your bicycles are in the front yard. Now we're adults. All our cars are in the front yards. Instead of playing video games we're doing a podcast and my mom rolled joints for everyone. The evolution is complete.
Yeah. But yeah. The end of 2023. These joints are the blue bees from jars. They are 32 percent THC and I'm not going to say the other percentages. And she also infused it with space dust. Oh 33 percent of space.
And I am not smoking it but it looks like it fits in your body and you with a bell ringer. I don't know what's brought to you by Belaring and Mike's fucking smoking. But either once which is three times actually I guess. OK.
I mean I'm going to be I'm going to be dust. It fits perfectly this long.
Oh my God. OK. So yeah. Take it. Yeah absolutely. We need to take a picture of this sponsored by bell ringers and Austin's mom.
Tag your mom eating the joints. I'm going to record you hitting it. Yeah. Oh for fuck's sake. I'm going to put it in the podcast a little exclusive.
Oh my God. OK. Fried rice. How's my hair. Fried rice. You're fine. OK. No probably not. But I'm not going to be able to finish these three space dust infused mega joints.
I'm going to. God damn you. If I go if I get comatose in a few minutes the movie's assaults on pre-season 13. I'll jump in with like just take on race relations. OK.
Jesus brought to you by boring. Oh my God.
Fried rice. Brought to you by bell ringers. Oh my God.
Oh be careful. Whoa. How are you not coughing.
So now that you've used it is it a good product. It's a hell of a product. You want another one. No. God no. Not yet.
Oh my God. I'm gonna go one more.
My dad always said if you're going to do something do it right. Oh my God.
Jesus. Oh my God.
Wow. Is there supposed to be oxygen left.
Oh look at that.
Andy. I'll be on any plans today.
Wow. That is.
And how do you control.
Like right here. Yeah.
When you remember when you went to church they'll think it goes over the flame and puts it out. What is that called. Don't bring up.
We need a snuffer for that.
I got you. That's a that's a cute little idea like a yeah like we hire a kid to come in and put the little cap on the joy. Yeah. Thank you. I don't know to use to match. No no it's fine.
It's like our it's like the ambience. What was like those sticks you buy the incense incense. Yeah. It's like our little weed incense for the room. Those things are a little smoking gun.
Yeah they are. Oh my God. Guys that. Listen how much is a bell ringer.
I'm not sure. He gave me all these for free but that's because we're sponsoring.
I can't listen guys. All I'm saying is if you have three friends and each of them come in with a joy or your friends with Austin's mom.
Three joints. Holy God. That is the way to get incredibly fucking high. Very very very quickly.
You can see because you were on top of it. The amount of smoke pulling into the bowl was amazing. They're rather inexpensive. I'm sure they're rather inexpensive. Oh yeah. I'm going to say cheap. You would think it would be a novelty but it actually works.
But I can't get my wife. No guys I gotta say this is this is one of the coolest things. It's very very fun. It's not fun is the way I would describe this and that's what it is.
It's a very fun weed product. It's not often you buy something just for fun. Usually it's for usability. You're buying a new bowl piece because you have to have a new bowl piece. You're buying a new vape because you know whatever battery or whatever.
This you're buying because you got probably 20 bucks. I don't know how much. I'm sure one of the smaller ones maybe or even less. Like holy shit. Just to do what I just did right now.
We said the website earlier but yeah if you're a stoner I'm telling you there's nothing like hitting three different diamond dust infused blueberries from jars hand rolled by Austin's mom from a free bell ringer in Andy's mom.
He had to be there in a jar on fucking Wagnall's porch. Oh man we're going to end the show with this too.
I'm going to smoke more of that. Well fuck that's okay so Austin wins maybe the what are we smoking award of the year.
Actually you know what fuck it every time on Fried Rice podcast we always do an end of the year list where I give the best of awards.
This is our best of. And by far Austin weirdly enough being the one that doesn't smoke and Austin's mom tag team she gets credit wins the what are we smoking award of the year. That's right Ryan you got one year dude.
Yeah beat that Ryan. Ryan we'd love to have you back on the show. We miss you. Sorry I ruined your anti Ryan but I just want to I like having him here. I love the banter between us.
Ryan's the best. Okay so I brought of course I have a Jeter which we don't need now.
We don't need now. Yeah so I mean that's the feeling it feels like I'm going to put it back in his jar it feels it's a baby Jeter and it feels impotent next to these other because it's half the size.
Oh my god. Austin's mom is invited anytime. Anytime she wants to be on the show. She is more than welcome. Oh my god. Wait a minute does your grandma smoke too? She does edibles. Edibles? Yeah.
She'll have these little 10 milligram ones. Yeah. Take a whole bunch of them and I won't even take one I can't do it. She'll be like I already had four of those you fucking pussy.
So what would uh. Yeah my mom's the same way. What movie would your mom ask her right text her and see if she'll get back to you. What movie is she throwing into the Tubi ring for us voting. You want me to call her? You want to talk to her?
Wait. Text her and tell her we're going to call her when we're doing movie recs. Yeah. And so tell her to look on Tubi and see if she can get us. Cause I'm going to go on Tubi and find a movie you want us to review and we're going to call you at the end of the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. That's perfect.
Uh cause she gets a she gets a vote for getting me this fucking ripped. Uh okay. Holy shit. Oh so it was Christmas break. Yes. God I mean I could have transitioned with those excellent gifts. Man Austin you killed it today. Yeah. God man you just. Pizza, gifts. I think you just out like in my personal life you squeaked by Mike as far as friends go. Oh fuck I'm sorry Mike.
It's all right. Look Mike and I are great friends. I'm using that standing. Very close but hey he's never gotten me some cool ass fucking Star Trek shit. I live in Bullitt City I wouldn't even know where to get those. Man those are cool.
I will say I love this. All that stuff from jars. No no the. Oh those. I found them in a thrift shop. There's a bunch of thrift shops out there and I was listening to the podcast. He went on a tangent about Star Trek. No in uh uh Surprise Arizona. Surprise. Okay. And I go through those a lot cause I mean it's a lot of old people in Surprise. So all the young people stuff is just sitting there waiting to be bought. And again just to describe how cool those are. It's Polly Pocket or Mighty Max if you're a kid from the 90s. Only for cool people. You open it up. It looks like a medical tricorder.
Or the other one which I did mention looks like one of the com badges. You open it up and then it becomes a playset with a little mini figurine. It's one of the coolest things I've seen as far as. Yeah there was a Star Wars one similar to that. Oh yeah I'm sure there's. But I think it was like Micro Machines branded as Star Wars. Yeah it's something like that. I had a.
I had one from the show Reboot.
Do you remember Reboot?
Were you alive then?
Reboot is playing.
It would have skipped, no.
It would have skipped your.
Reboot was a show last year.
That's why it's freaking me out a little bit.
But it's a different show.
But I'm not talking about the one from last year.
If they're, they might have rebooted Reboot.
Or there's another show called Reboot.
Right, there's another show.
But the one I'm talking about was the first,
it might be the first,
but I believe it's the first 3D animated TV show.
It's very apparent that it's the first.
For its time, I remember being blown away.
And it was like loosely related to video games, I think.
I think it was like Sword of Tron meets.
It's like a G5 show or something like that.
No, this was on an actual network.
On a regular network?
You mean G4?
G4, yeah, G4.
No, this was.
Rest in peace G4.
Yeah, it's been a while.
Came to Esquire.
Canadian animated series Reboot.
I didn't mean for us to go down this much of a tangent,
but 94, yeah.
This is.
On what, YTV?
This is the, I just want you, this is what they look like.
I definitely never saw this.
Yeah, yeah.
Well this.
Oh, it's original CGI stuff.
Yeah.
Man, I brought this up for a reason.
What was it?
What were we just talking about, Austin?
I need you to.
Reboot.
Before that.
The Tricorder and Star Trek.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's all.
All of this just say nothing,
but I had a reboot one.
Yeah, you had a reboot Michael.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This type.
Reboot.
Mighty Max type toy.
See if it pops up.
One of these fucking things.
Hexadecimal Lair, it's that thing right on the top.
Yeah, that's it.
No.
Oh, that might have been it.
I think that is it, yeah.
The years of nostalgic plastic.
I know.
I love this shit.
They still make this stuff, those poly pockets.
Yeah, man, if you hit the nail on the head
of nostalgia.
I'm glad you liked that
because it was a choice between those
and a vintage Barbie and Ken doll,
but they're dressed in a Star Trek attire.
Oh, that's pretty cool too.
But were they real?
You know what I'm saying, Mattel put those out.
Officially licensed Barbie.
See, that's cool.
That's pretty cool too.
But I'd much rather display those.
Oh, that's more like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the weird thing would be is if I hid it,
if I didn't hide it, but if I put it in a knot,
is the less viewed publicly placed
that I place a Barbie doll,
I think the weirder I become.
The weirder.
It's right.
Inversely, the more public place I put a Barbie doll,
the weirder I am.
So there is a middle spot.
There's a middle spot somewhere.
I don't know where it is where I could put a Barbie
and people would be like, I get it.
Well, Randy Ice kind of skews the line between that,
doesn't he?
Yeah, absolutely.
Which brings me to, I always wanted to ask you,
does Randy Ice the puppet talk to you
like Green Goblin's mask?
Sort of.
Wake up, Andy.
We have a world to conquer.
Well, no.
Like, no, stop.
You're weak.
I made you stronger, Andy.
Oh my God.
Have you seen the show Obliterated yet?
No.
The Green Goblin's mask is gonna come back to you
when you watch that show.
It's on Netflix.
It's called Obliterated.
It's the most insane shit you've ever seen in your life.
Okay.
I mean, insane as in you have never seen anything like it.
Trust me.
What are we talking, like Black Mirror, anthology series?
Oh no.
No, no.
We're talking straight action, crazy show.
Straight action when you look at it.
I looked it up, yeah.
Obliterated.
It's insane.
It looks pretty cool.
It's so insane, dude.
If you could just, you'd have to go on.
Yeah, no, I mean, I should see the dick scene in it,
but there are, it shows a lot of dicks.
Let's get to that.
I like how it's a bunch of people.
It's just says they're threatening to blow up Vegas.
And I'm like, why are you trying to stop that?
Oh no, it's insane.
The show's insane.
Why is all the dicks a selling point?
I don't know.
It's obviously the people that made this.
No, it's for Game of Thrones.
No, no, Mike, I'm asking you.
Mike, Mike, I'm asking you.
What do you mean?
I'm asking you.
You're trying to sell us on the show.
No, because it's the most, I'm telling you why.
You're asking why, I'm telling you.
It's the most insane use of number of dicks
you've ever seen in your life on a show.
They-
But why is that?
You're selling a point.
You know how South Park will like take something
and try and just beat it to death?
Yeah.
That's what they do in the show with dicks.
They're in every episode everywhere.
Oh, okay.
Is this gonna be the beginning of you pivoting
from saying tits in every episode to dicks in every episode?
No, it's just this particular show.
He wants to be the mayor of Dickville.
Not the mayor of Dickville.
Are we gonna watch this?
Are we gonna like talk about Salt on Precinct 13
and you're gonna be like that damn dick hiding bitch?
Salt city hiding bitch?
Possibly.
Well-
No, would you hear my takes on Salt on Precinct 13?
But anyway, Obliterated, it's insane.
It's worth watching just for the insanity.
I'm not telling you it's good, I'm telling you it's insane.
Okay.
It's worth watching for the insanity of it.
Okay.
Well, people at home, if you wanna watch
an insane dick fueled show, go watch Obliterated.
Brought to you by like the titty hiding bitch.
We got our female viewers back.
Yeah, female viewers are back in, locked and loaded.
It takes like anti-misogyny is what they'll call it
from now on, your actions moving forward.
If you're tired of seeing, yeah, gratuitous sex
and violence, watch this show and you will get way more
of it than you've ever thought.
It's enough to make you never wanna see it again.
It's insane.
See another dick again?
No, just see the gratuitousness of the entire show.
Because here's the thing, you've only implanted one thing.
There's only one thing I've ever-
And your brain, but notice it's your brain
that's getting stuck on dicks, Andy.
It always is.
It's your brain.
It always is.
Thanks.
So pivoting backwards before we talked about Obliterated,
I think there was a point I wanted to finish on your thing,
which was?
Obliterated, on Obliterated?
No, that's pretty lost.
I've lost it too.
Oh no, we were just reminiscing about toys.
That's not important.
Oh, the Barbie thing.
Ah yeah.
I think probably the funniest way to display that
would be out of box.
Elephant on a shelf style?
Elephant on a shelf, sitting somewhere
is what I was gonna say.
Next to the, but then like,
they would be next to the wharf statue that I have.
I would have to start a Star Trek area,
which I might now, so.
Well you could get, yeah.
But you know what?
I don't need a Barbie.
If we're, listen, oh God, wait.
No, wait, hold the fucking phone.
Does Randy need a Barbie?
I might have to edit this
because earlier in the episode I said,
hey everybody bring me presents.
And now I'm saying I don't want Barbies.
I get lots of Barbies.
Oh my God, hold on, let me write this down.
Let me write this down so I can never edit it, yes.
I'm just gonna put Barbie edit,
and hope I know what I mean when I'm less stoned later.
But thank God, if I had smoked one more rip off of that,
I would have let that go unnoticed, and oh.
Maybe don't talk about it anymore,
just moving on.
Moving on.
Okay, well.
Let's talk about the movie.
I guess we, yeah, we might as well.
At some point get to the movie.
Yeah, fuck it, let's go.
It's Assault on Precinct 13.
Assault on Precinct 13.
Start with the name of the movie.
I'm still.
He is so high now.
Love those joints, they're so good.
It's okay.
I really enjoyed the movie.
Oh yeah, okay, well yeah.
We're just gonna.
Starting off, starting off,
we're just gonna start off, yeah.
Okay, general feeling.
If he's saying he loved it, I'll.
Yours?
I'm a fan.
I thought it was great.
But we'll get into reasons why.
We'll get into reasons why.
And Mike?
My overall opinion is it's maybe the dumbest fucking movie
I've ever seen in my life.
It's worse.
It's. Well.
Worse than Terrifier.
This is a horrible fucking movie objectively.
Okay. There's not, it has no,
I won't say no redeeming qualities,
because it is what it is.
It's a John, it's very John Carpenter.
Yeah.
Very B movie.
Yeah.
But it's, as far as being good, it's not good.
It's objectively bad.
People make stupid decisions in the entire movie.
From the very beginning,
it starts out as just cops murdering people.
It's just the whole.
Okay.
The whole movie.
Which you didn't even realize when I started talking about.
No, well I remembered, I remember the scene.
You're like, oh, what cops murdering people?
I'm like, who's the good guy?
There's no good guys in this movie.
Okay, well let's, yeah, let's bring it down.
Cause I, I agree with a lot of what you're saying.
Yeah.
Doesn't make me hate the movie one bit.
Exactly.
I think like just for,
if we're going to talk about the dumbest things
in this movie.
Yeah.
Let's start with the dumbest thing in the entire movie.
And it's the,
the orchestrated and unreliable amount of gang members.
The amount of.
The fucking.
Yeah.
The overwhelming.
The over-were guys.
Over-were, well here's the thing.
There's about 10 scenes that go on way too long
of those gang members out in the lawn area.
Just walking over.
Where there's hundreds of them.
At one point, there's about 150 of them running across
in different directions going on every which way.
Some just going back and forth.
And then, but then they just go back.
It's our whole thing.
Then they just all, then they all,
but every time you look at them,
they're crouched in that like G.I. Joe position.
G.I. Joe.
Where they're all like.
They're not gang members.
They're yeah, at this point.
It's like military systems.
They're militaristic gang members.
Which is gonna lead me to why this movie isn't so bad.
I know, that's a pivot, but hear me out.
The reason that those gang members are the way we are
is because we're dealing with a alternate style universe.
Where.
So there's zombies or aliens is what I.
They're not zombies or aliens.
Then it would make a lot more sense.
That is a, if they were zombies,
this might have made more sense.
Yeah, exactly.
In a way.
It could have been a more solid movie.
They did come off like zombies,
because like you said, they were all like military trained
outside of the place, surrounding it.
But then when it came into like them,
just fucking mindlessly crawling through the windows
and everyone has guns, they're blowing away.
Give me hella Call of Duty zombies vibes.
Which guns?
Were those the silence guns,
making no noise even when they shoot out windows?
No, no, they didn't even have guns.
They were just trying to crawl into the windows.
I know, but I'm still.
You remember that.
That five minute on like,
you said five minute scene where it's,
he's playing whack-a-mole with a shotgun.
And it's like, yeah.
Stock gun shot.
You know what, with this,
with this 37 shot shotgun or the, or the.
I counted the 14 shots out of the revolver.
He ran into the other room.
They did show them loading every now and then, but.
Why did the army guys,
I know that they put the word Cholo down
and I know that that means a lot to these people.
Was that what the word was? Cholo?
Yeah.
Is that, am I wrong?
I think so.
Was it, was that flag they threw down?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which never unraveled.
You never got to see it.
No, because it made no sense.
Like everything else.
Also the very, very beginning.
There's just a bunch of cops on rooftops
and they just straight up.
Just randomly murdering people.
Super duper Rodney King, these six guys.
And they're. Just murdered him.
And then you hear that,
you see the cop walk out of his house
that is way too nice for a fucking cop to be living in.
Well, he just got promoted.
Listen, listens to the radio
and they're referring to all the guys
that they killed as juveniles.
And like, none of those guys were under 30.
No.
Well, this is, but this is,
this came out in the seventies.
76.
According to 70s movies and TV shows,
those were as close as you got to actual teenagers.
The gang members, was he trying.
Like Happy Days wasn't it a bunch of 30 somethings
playing teenagers.
But the four gang members,
was he just trying not to be racist
by making them like these not really gang member dudes?
Yeah.
Like maybe one of each race.
I thought.
Yeah.
That's how gangs work.
You know, they all get together from the different races.
That's why this is a different universe.
Racism doesn't exist in this universe.
That's no, hear me out.
If racism doesn't exist,
we're still gonna have gangs.
It's just, we're gonna have gangs of multicultural people.
We just said Cholo a minute ago on the flag.
Okay.
Racism exists.
I don't think he understood what Cholo meant.
Because I've heard the word Cholo in the past
and I know that they didn't mean,
we're gonna kill you.
Nothing will stop us.
Our lives mean nothing.
You will die.
We weren't sure,
or were they maybe American Indians
doing their blood brother thing at the beginning.
That emo blood ritual.
That also maybe, the emo blood ritual.
Maybe they're American Indians
and they're fighting against the man.
So maybe that's what he was trying to get at.
I don't fucking know.
This movie's stupid.
But they're not Native American.
I know.
That's the point.
There's a lot of things you could point out in this movie
that just like don't make sense.
Exactly.
Like the whole movie itself,
there's no lesson to be learned.
It is all a story of some crazy shit that happens.
Yeah.
It's insane.
I agree.
You guys are right.
It's, nothing makes sense.
Why did they just,
hey, freeze.
And then without another word,
just kill all of those people in that exact.
Exactly.
Why is the ice cream truck,
wait, I've been to a thousand ice cream trucks
in my life, right?
Oh, wow.
I can tell.
Right.
And my children and all that through all life.
I've taken kids to ice cream trucks.
I can't tell you how many times.
And I can't remember one time
I got a cone with a rolled scoop out of an ice cream truck.
And then it was the wrong one.
Well, you're talking about the seventies.
It never, that never happened?
No, it didn't exist, Andy.
Wait.
It didn't exist.
Okay.
I mean, I believe you because I believe that I've never had.
Nobody had an ice cream truck
before they rolled up the ice cream
and put it on a cone.
That has to exist somewhere.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
And then it was the wrong one,
not the orange swirl one.
Well, yeah.
She did ask for a vanilla swirl.
She asked for a vanilla swirl.
He was preoccupied.
That's right.
He was watching this gang fucking drive up
and down the street very slowly.
I would have been sketched out too.
If I was the ice cream guy, right?
Here I am.
Hey, we're close kids, sorry.
But then she insists on like a force up.
Which is an example,
I'm gonna give her an ice cream scoop because money.
But the point about it,
I think it makes sense is the point.
Okay.
Then he shoots the ice cream guy,
the little girl in the ice cream.
Oh, before he does that,
he puts the gun in his mouth and it's really gay looking.
Yeah.
Why?
He's just straight out fucking his mouth.
This is the most diverse gang I've ever seen.
Yes.
And then when he shoots the guy,
he's obviously dead.
He's dead for two or three minutes down there on the ground.
But till he gets up and tells the guy
that the shit's under the dash is a gun.
It's just the whole movie.
That's some badass last words though.
Every decision made in this movie
is made to obviously move the plot forward.
Yeah.
What can be the true plot?
Well, there was no reason to kill that ice cream man.
And there's no reason at all.
There's no reason at all.
You're just drawing attention to your gang now
for no reason.
That's the whole thing.
I love that.
No, I like that it shows they don't give a fuck.
I laughed really hard at that point.
Yeah.
Because not the fact that the little girl
and the ice cream man die,
but the fact that the guy comes out of the phone booth
and then it just cuts to them laying dead on the ground.
I just saw that.
I was like, ha ha.
I'm like.
But the phone booth, the phone booth,
which by the way, also is in the middle of a dirt field.
That makes sense though.
There were phone booths everywhere back in the 70s.
No, not when there was superman gonna change.
Not when there wasn't electricity.
There was not phone booths where there wasn't electricity
or phone lines.
This was in the middle of a fucking dirt field.
This is downtown?
Well, I.
No, look at that dirt field.
Oh yeah, the second.
Not the one by the ice cream truck.
He went to another one.
The other one he goes to later.
Yeah, I don't know where they were.
It's in the middle of nowhere.
There's a field there.
There's a phone booth in the middle of it.
He did just kind of run through a field
to a phone booth and then run more through a.
I was like, no, no.
Actually, I think it was a park.
I think it was just a phone booth and a park.
But that's not how they are.
They're not sitting by themselves
out in the middle of the park.
We don't know what's happened.
What I'm saying is alternate universe rules.
Yes, as long as you make everything
an alternate universe, this movie works.
That's what I'm saying.
In this universe, silencers work better.
Windows don't make noise when they break.
Racism doesn't exist.
Carpenter-verse.
Yeah, you can kill children on TV, on the movies.
You don't see that a lot.
No, we don't see that a lot.
Speaking of which, fun facts about the little girl
getting shot that I brought up earlier.
Thanks for sticking around with me.
Nice.
That's for you.
The one that's paying attention.
That little girl actually grows up
to become one of the ladies in The Real Housewives.
And she is also the woman yelling at the cat meme.
She's the one woman yelling at the cat.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I don't know what yelling at cat meme is.
I don't know the yelling at the cat meme either.
It's like the lady's holding one lady back
and she's like yelling and there's a cat sitting at a table.
It's a pretty popular meme.
Someone will get it.
But then also, that scene is what,
so this is one of John Carpenter's first movies.
Very low budget, all shot on one location.
This one right here?
Low budget?
Let's not go to low budget.
Okay, there's one scene in this movie.
This is where I basically just quit watching the movie.
I did.
I was more than halfway through.
Well, you quit watching the movie?
Well, I didn't quit, but I started paying attention
to my phone and shit at some point.
Because there's a point in this movie, wait.
There's a point in this movie, first of all,
where they go, first of all, it's not even Precinct 13,
it's Precinct 9.
So let's start with that.
Speaking of nonsensical,
the whole place isn't even Precinct 13.
They're at it, it's Precinct 9.
Oh yeah, yeah.
It's not even Precinct 13.
The building even says it on the outside.
There's no assault on Precinct 13, it doesn't even happen.
Okay, but that's not my problem.
They went through name changes of the movie.
But going to the name changes and all that shit,
my problem with this entire movie boils down to this.
When Mr. Black Cop comes out,
Mr. Just Promoted to Lieutenant.
His name is Bishop.
I know, when Bishop comes out,
in front of the yard of the precinct,
and with his hammer,
to nail in the handmade sign about the precinct moving,
that he's obviously just written himself,
because the LAPD cannot afford the budget
to make a sign about a precinct closing.
They just close it and have the dude write a sign.
It's like, okay, I'm sorry,
this movie is objectively the stupidest thing
I've ever seen.
This shit would never happen.
I agree.
Ever, in any universe.
Nope, alternate universe.
Alternate universe where the cops handwrite signs
to hammer with their own hammer and nails.
They don't even have a custodian.
They have the-
This is a poorer police department because-
The LAPD-
If you don't have this,
no, I'm not gonna say the controversial thing
I was gonna say.
But it was,
maybe without racism,
you wouldn't need as many police officers.
That's all I'm saying.
So if we work in a world where-
So basically you've not defended any of the stupid things
at all other than saying alternate universe.
I'm saying no.
I'm saying John Carpenter made a world
where racism doesn't exist and we should thank him for it.
And in this world of-
So there's objectively no bad movies then
because they just are different universes.
Nope, I didn't care for Terrifier one bit.
That's just a different universe.
I think we talked about that.
In that universe, you can divide people in half.
That's just how it works.
Another stupid thing to point out was that
these are cops and career criminals
and neither of them knew what to properly call ammunition.
For all you gun nuts out there, maybe.
No, they don't know shit.
Yeah, they referred to the shotgun shells as rounds
and they referred to the bullets and the guns as shots.
Okay, interesting.
I didn't realize that.
Yeah, okay.
So the movie is objectively bad,
but I loved it.
I think the score is awesome.
It's tense, it's cool.
I love that there's for some reason,
pretty much just, I think three or four minutes
of just windows being shot out.
What, you can't hear it.
What?
What, you can't hear it.
What, you can't hear the bullets.
Or the windows.
Now, to be fair, to be fair, this is the 70s, right?
The common myth on silencers is that they worked
like they do in the movies from the 70s
in which this was made.
So I'm not gonna fault this that it has the
peep, pew noise, right?
So fuck it.
If this, in this, whatever.
In this universe.
Even in this movie, if he goes with like,
hey, it'd be cool if they all used silencers.
That way the neighbors wouldn't even hear
because it's a downtown.
But does anybody really think if you use
a hundred silenced guns, it doesn't make noise?
It makes breaking windows noises.
Which, but no, but the thing is the cops,
the whole time are like,
I know we're getting reports of fireworks,
we're getting reports of gunfire.
They can't hear anything.
But no, but then specifically as they're driving by,
they're like, we can't find this gunfire.
We're tripping out.
Like they were worried.
They were on it.
Right, because window glass break.
At no point did those two cops think that it was nothing.
Like maybe in the beginning they thought
this could be nothing, but that intensified.
They were good cops because they kept searching.
Oh, they kept on it.
They kept going.
And they had never at one point where they're like,
hey, we should just give up because fuck this shit.
No, they were like, we can't find these cops.
Like we can't find this shit.
And then another part that made me laugh super hard,
it just cuts to a dead telephone line guy just hanging.
Yeah.
That was funny.
That was a funny, I don't know what he was going for
with that, that they just killed him?
They just killed him so they could cut the telephone lines.
Saves us a trip with the scissors, I guess.
Another stupid thing was that the guy who was sick,
that was the whole reason the prisoners had to get
like wheeled into the prison.
He's the black fella that's like sitting next to him
the entire time, three different parts.
And I'm like, why are you sitting right next to the guy
who's obviously super sick?
You're not chained to him or anything.
In the beginning he's chained to him,
but like he's like right there next to him.
And then they put him in the three separate cages.
And I'm like, thank God.
Although it did take 30 minutes to get there,
what was the 30 minutes of this movement?
Not only that, they send the guy out,
one of the prisoners out to make a break for it.
He gets inside the car, he's driving away.
Obvious, the most obvious stunt double.
This is a black bald man.
And then the guy driving the car is a white guy
with jerry curls that you can clearly see.
I don't even remember that. A full head of hair.
Oh God, that sounds really good.
I had to rewind. I was like, did I just say?
The movie got better after the first half hour,
but the first, at 33 minutes, I actually wrote this.
At this 33 minute commercial,
this is by far the worst movie we have watched.
Yes, worst and terrifying.
Does it make you miss me?
Of any movie we have watched.
We watched?
It's so much better.
At 30 minutes, I'm just saying,
the first 33 minutes of this movie are...
That's where you were at.
That's where I was at.
It got better.
Jesus.
And then when it came back from the commercials,
when he did that sign, and that's when I was like, fuck.
He fucking hammered the sign in the out front
and talked to the people by itself.
There's also two things where it tries to do,
I know it came out before.
I was about to hammer the sign in,
I'm just like, dude, come on.
But that's, really, it's the silliest thing.
They say we're trying to be serious
and they made it look silly in the process.
It was so silly.
Well, I think he was doing, okay,
so every time the actress,
the one who played the secretary,
the one that lives throughout it, right?
There's one scene where the blinds are on her eyes
and she's like flirting with the guy, sort of,
and she's like looking at him like,
just real overacting, like Hitchcock, like, I don't care.
Oh, you mean Lee?
The chick?
The chick, Lee?
Not Julie, Julie's the annoying one that dies
and I'm very happy about it.
Lee is my actual wife and I've never simped for any woman,
but I fell in love with Lee.
I thought she was so hot the entire time.
That is my wife and don't say anything bad about her.
I wasn't, I think she was the sex pot.
The whole movie.
Yeah, she's her job.
She can get it now at 75 years old.
Who is she?
I don't care.
Well, yeah.
Laurie Zimmer.
Okay, you looked it up, nice.
Yeah, she was hot.
Oh, and then speaking of hot, I mean, not-
And a bad bitch too.
She blows a guy's head off.
And a bad bitch.
She gets shot and she's just cool and mellow
the whole time.
I like how she was like, she had her little gun
and she was just shooting perfect.
It was like amazing.
But she took her time.
Yeah, she did take her time, but she was really good shot.
She was a good shot.
One-handed revolver style.
And no kickback really or nothing.
It was great, yeah.
It cut away with the kickback.
And she only fired 13 or 14 times before reloading,
which I thought was great.
But it is a police station.
It could have been more bullets.
You gotta put them in the gun.
It was a revolver.
Yeah.
Yeah, well you gotta stop.
There was a lot of times we were looking
at a shotgun guy.
She could have been reloading.
Okay, yeah.
For God's sake.
In this universe, everything's possible.
I love the use, oh man, just high now.
Just high now.
Uh.
Look at the use.
I'm trying to, so what is the good,
now I told you the bad parts.
That's really the bad of the movie.
Other than that, the action stuff at the end.
Oh, if we're talking about good stuff,
let's get into the good stuff.
Yeah, a lot of 45 movies.
I think Bishop's a badass main character.
I love him because he's unsure.
He's not perfect.
He makes mistakes.
I thought he got much better.
His penmanship sucked though on that sign.
It was just not that good a penmanship on that sign.
How'd you know he wrote it?
He just hammered it in, Mike.
How do you know?
He's making a assumption.
He found it somewhere.
It feels like you're trying to paint this guy
into a corner.
He just found it somewhere, I guess, that's true.
Or what are the sec, or Julie wrote it.
We all think Julie, let's pin it on her.
Yeah, blame it on Julie.
Julie wrote it.
She sucked, she should have better penmanship.
Better penmanship.
There was two parts that this reminded me of,
like I know it came out before Pulp Fiction,
but you know in Pulp Fiction,
everyone wants to know what's in the case,
what's in the suitcase.
It's like they tried to do two things,
like one is where Bishop's talking to Lee, my wife,
and he's talking about, oh my dad sent me in here
when I was a kid and I carved something into the desk.
She's like, what'd you carve into the desk?
And he's standing over the desk and he shows it.
They never tell you what he wrote.
Then there's Napoleon Wilson,
who is played by John Carpenter's neighbor at the time.
Okay, so I'm so glad you brought that up.
Real quick, first off, my favorite character,
Napoleon Dynamite.
What's his name?
Napoleon Wilson.
I love this dude.
Can I get a smoke?
So read his, okay, I'm gonna read his IMDB description.
Got a smoke?
Darwin Jostin secured himself a permanent place
in cult movie history with a particularly
laconically witty line, laid back, death row bound
convict, Napoleon Wilson.
It's his best role and played with exceptional skill,
mellow, low key with a, hold on, with a blah blah blah.
Disarmingly.
But okay, but then it says with a sadonic wisecrack,
Jostin's terrific portrayal of this acidic
and fatalistic Wilson should have led to bigger
and better things.
Alas, it did not.
That was it.
That's just the end of the paragraph.
That's the end of the paragraph for IMDB.
You go back to his IMDB and he was in shit.
Not right here.
But yeah, he did not make it big.
Jostin Blue was nice, he didn't make it anything.
He's really a nothing guy.
And they hint that, why do they call you Napoleon Wilson?
And you never find out why.
He's like, oh, I'll tell you later.
And then doesn't he say, oh, I had to tell that guy
something later, right?
He never told him, he never find out.
I wish this dude was in more things.
I keep thinking about movies I wish that he was in maybe.
He would have been a good, The Hitcher or The Hitchhiker,
a movie like that.
Where if he were to play like another,
I mean, now I'm tight casting him as like a weirdo.
But in this one, he's charming.
I think if you gave him demented,
he would have been able to play it off well.
Yeah, and I think they maybe should have.
And that's sort of the-
I like that he went charming.
I like that he was charming and good
throughout the whole thing.
He's always good.
He's the death row of men who did horrible things,
supposedly, I guess.
But yeah, through this movie, he's the only guy you like.
Yeah.
He still played Patty Cake with the other prisoner.
Remember when they were trying to,
they did some Patty Cake, Patty Cake, one, two, three, four,
fuck you, fuck you, one, two, three, four.
And then he's like, I win, fuck!
I don't know.
We're doing it again!
I was gonna look up how that was played,
but I don't know how to look it up.
I saw that.
Patty Cake, Knuckles, prison rules.
I was like, this is rated R, I thought.
This is pretty big.
Well, for the time, yeah, I was rated R.
Oh, yeah, no.
So we should know the little girl got an R rating.
It's rated R for sure because I looked it up.
As I was looking this up while the movie was playing,
one of the trivia was, I'll read it.
Hang on, where's trivia?
There's no nudity or anything.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's rated R.
It's not even guts.
There's no blood and guts.
I don't think they swear.
I don't think they say fuck.
And even the blood is like nothing really.
They do say fuck.
Do they say fuck?
Yeah, they say it all the time.
Oh yeah, I guess they do say it.
They say it all the time.
Where's the trivia?
I thought there was one that said
that they used the word fuck like.
It's such natural language
that you don't really recognize it.
I think they used it like 100 and something times.
And as I was reading that fact.
It's a lot of prison language, right?
They were saying the word fuck.
Oh, he was one of the guys,
John Carpenter played one of the gang members
that got shot through the window.
So now I wanna hear,
I do wanna know why you guys think it's objectively good.
What's good about it?
Oh, by the way, it's not just us, Mike.
If we go to Rotten Tomatoes, by the way.
I said, this is not a popular opinion.
I wrote that right on my shit.
Yeah, it's not just us.
By the way, people at home, it's like,
oh, Austin and I are on the outside because we agree that.
It's got a 96% on Rotten Tomato.
And then an 80% on audience.
I understand it.
It's a good movie.
So bad.
It's such a bad movie.
A lot of flaws, but I think it gave it a lot of charm.
It made me enjoy it all the way through.
So much so that I actually went and bought the remake
from 2005 with Ethan Hawke.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was a better movie.
Martin Lawrence, sorry, not Martin Lawrence,
fucking idiot, Lawrence Fishburne.
Have you watched it yet?
Martin Lawrence Fishburne.
Do you think it was a better movie?
I did watch it.
Okay, so hold on real quick,
because here's the thing.
I'm about 32 minutes in.
And so far, here's, okay.
So what I liked about the first movie
is that it's one of those minimalistic sort of things.
It's like, you don't need to know why it is.
It's just the plot is moving forward.
Who cares?
It's a salt on precinct 13.
It's really precinct nine.
Let's fucking go.
It's Bishop.
He's a cool highway patrol officer.
He's not built for, like,
he wasn't trained to be the guy
to hold off a fucking assault.
And yet, with the help of someone
who would maybe violent enough to do that kind of shit,
help him does it.
I love that it gets worse and worse,
like more and more desperate.
I like that eventually they're in a basement.
They have that sign on the wheel.
That was ridiculous.
I forgot.
They have the explosion up in the corner.
I love that they blow it.
I love all of it.
I love that he pops up out of the sewer.
But you don't think it's not ridiculous.
I think it's very ridiculous.
I think so much of it's ridiculous.
They would have just pulled that sign down
and just fucked him up.
I feel like in my mind,
when I remember those gang members,
the hundreds of them coming up
and then running away and then coming back,
whatever, those scenes,
I picture them on the ground,
rolling around for no reason,
doing like little, like, it's such a silly.
It's like what your GI Joes do.
Yeah.
It really was John Carpenter just like,
all right, and then they're gonna run over here
and they're gonna run over here.
We need to make it look like
there's hundreds of these guys.
It's like, are you sure?
They never really explained why there were hundreds
versus the four guys from the original.
Now I don't remember how many guys eventually assault.
How did they get all these guys in this car?
That's what my wife said
because they went in a car to there.
Well, they had five or six cars.
Okay.
They put 172 people in five cars.
The rest parked down the street to be in spick and span.
My wife literally said,
how did they get this many people in the cars?
And then you see all the charred bodies of,
they were called the Cholos, right?
Yeah, Cholos.
The charred Cholos on the floor
and they're just walking by all of them.
They're all just like.
Yeah.
That gives you a good count right there.
Not to mention all the dead bodies outside.
Where did those?
Stacks of bodies.
I like, oh, the first time
there's a shitload of dead bodies around.
Oh, and they pull them all away.
And then they start,
they hit them all somehow.
It's like, where's the bodies?
Look, it's so over the top.
So silly.
But I would argue any John Carpenter movie,
we just watched The Thing.
I think The Thing was over the top.
I think, I think They Live was over the top.
I loved both of those.
Well, I think Halloween.
Aliens, monsters, I get it.
Halloween is over the top and that's realistic.
Although is it?
Because it's a guy that can get shot six times
and then fucking live in the next movie.
Aliens and monsters and zombies.
I agree. No, but he's not a monster.
Mike Myers is a human.
This is humans.
Okay, Mike Myers is a zombie basically.
It's not, he's a human.
It's proven to be a human.
Well, it's been changed to like over and over again.
Probably he's part of some cult or something.
Yeah, it's not a normal human like you.
So then why can't you,
why this isn't a normal gang of people?
That's what, I said this is a better movie
if there's zombies or aliens or something.
So they have reasons to do that.
Well, yeah, you might be right.
But I like this movie for what it is.
So let's, I guess we've got our opinions there.
Let's talk about the remake for just a second.
Okay, so they took the same basic concept,
but they just injected all of this early 2000s
cop drama into it.
So like Bishop, also they made Wilson in the new one.
They made his name Bishop.
So Martin Lawrence Fishburne is Bishop.
They swapped the bad guy's name for the wolf.
Not the races.
Because Ethan Hawke is white and he's the
highway patrolman versus the...
It starts off with,
what's his name, Ethan Hawke being an undercover cop,
like in the past.
And he like, if shit goes down,
he loses two of his partners.
That's where okay.
And then they replaced Lee with
Christopher's girlfriend from Sopranos,
which doesn't add up, can't beat Lee.
Lee is bae forever.
Okay, your wife.
But yeah, they just inject all this betrayal
and there's all this exposition and stuff going around.
There's an actual plot to it, basically.
Yeah.
So it's the same movie with plot?
Yeah, I feel like if you watched it at the time,
you would have enjoyed it more.
But going back and was like,
oh yeah, it's another one of these kind of cop movies.
It's the same old, same old, I got you.
And like, I mean, Phone Booth came out
around the same time with Colin Farrell,
one of my favorite movies ever.
And it's kind of almost the same,
it's like they went back and tried to be more original.
I mean, I know they're not two related movies,
but A Song on Precinct 13, all shot on one location,
serious thing, no one can help you.
And then same thing with Phone Booth,
all shot on one location, except all the cops are there.
Everyone's looking at this guy.
And I don't know where I was going with that.
Yeah, but it was your first.
Mother of the Siege movies.
They're all Siege movies.
But we're not even talking about Man on the Ledge.
Yeah, Farrell Tangent, sorry.
First Farrell Tangent, brought to you by Bell Ringers.
Yeah, just being near Bell Ringers.
But I mean, I was able to finish the movie,
but I didn't think it was as good as the original.
Sure.
But it's still another movie.
I got about 32 minutes in and I saw,
so I saw the flashback, I'm like,
oh, well I kind of prefer just meeting this guy,
walking out of his nice middle-class house,
going to work, just whistling,
literally whistling on his way to work,
heading to work, and then you see
when he gets out of the car,
oh, and I like that he doesn't want to be there.
He's just like, he's like.
Speaking of the car though, did you notice
how bad that car was for a cop car?
Who would give a cop car?
That car was like.
But the movie's in 76, but no it was not.
A promoted cop, a promoted cop.
It was a promoted cop.
Wait, are you talking about the yellow cop?
The yellow car?
The black guy, when he got in his car,
at the very right, he's whistling and gets in the car.
When Benjamin gets in his car.
It's like a 1964 Corvette.
It's not, it's like, it doesn't match a police car
of the time, but it was a police car.
Leaving a house that is probably worth
like 1.3 million dollars.
Yeah, it was like, it was really bad.
It was like, you could just see the budget.
I was just saying, you could see the budget.
In the car he got in was a little fake police radio
down here and all that.
And he said, I'm in an undercover car.
Brought to you by Motorola.
Brought to you by Motorola, I'm in an undercover car.
Yeah, I'm talking about product placement.
Motor.
Undercover car.
If you needed a CB radio back in the fucking 70s, man,
Motorola had you covered.
Yeah, but that remake, I was just like,
when I was watching, I just preferred him
getting on his little CB and going like.
You actually kind of preferred the ridiculousness
of the movie.
Andy, Andy, you know what?
I'm proud of you.
I'm sorry, I got on a little late,
but I'm really proud of you
that you did not bring up the Bill Murray phone thing again.
What, Bill, wait, wait,
did they have a cell phone of this?
No, you brought up the CB radio.
I was like, oh no, he's gonna tangent
into the Bill Murray secret cell phone thing.
Lucid, seriously, until I see a secret cell phone,
I don't talk about secret cell phones.
Although. Although.
I was watching Night's Tale, no.
Had they added a cell phone to this, I don't remember.
Oh yeah, that was another thing they added on to the remake.
It was like, oh, they're fucking with the cell phones too.
Yeah, so I haven't gotten to that part yet.
I was thinking like, how are they gonna solve cell phones?
Yeah, because the cell phone's a scammer.
It's a scrambler or some sort of.
Jammer, jammer. Yeah, of course, jammers.
I'm sure those, some bullshit.
It just doesn't look that, so anyway, let's grade this.
Let's put, let's put a, I hate that it's two,
I hate that there's just three of us,
because this is gonna really skew
what a lot of people absolutely love.
I agree, I know. And consider a classic.
And I don't know how to rate it.
Look, when I wrote my rating originally, look.
Look at this.
It's an F with a line next to it,
because it's almost like an A, but we don't even do As.
Because like, I understand what he was going for
and all that, so I was like, F, A, B, C, D.
I have a lot of trouble rating this movie,
because the last 30 minutes of it's pretty good.
The first 30 minutes, worst shit I ever saw.
Second 30 minutes is whatever.
So this movie has lots of good to it and lots of bad to it.
And it's like, the bad is so bad.
You and George Romero differ very differently,
because he commented on the movie.
George Romero is one of John Carpenter's heroes.
And he said, when that little girl got blown away,
I was blown away.
Like so much praise.
Well, see, there's things in this movie, killing kids,
that's what I'm saying.
We're into that here.
But it was unnecessary.
My point was that it was unnecessary.
My point to it was it didn't even move the plot.
It was so unnecessary, it didn't fit, it didn't do anything.
That guy and that.
These guys are fucked up.
They could have just been mad at the cops for any reason
and gone after the cops.
Had nothing to do with the rest of the movie.
Killing the kid and the dad and the ice cream.
All that shit was so interstitial to the movie.
It made me look like my dad.
But you gotta appreciate the simplicity of it.
Because now with bad guys in movies, like Thanos,
it's like, we kinda understand him,
and then you see that he's bad, but he has a good reason.
These guys, they just straight up puts you,
these guys are fucking bad guys.
But they were already going to the cop place
when they killed the kid.
My point was, there was no reason, yes they were.
They were going, that was the whole,
listen, if you read it up into this movie,
to what Carpenter said about it,
they were already after the cops.
That was the whole thing.
For what reason?
They had all those guns.
Don't you remember, they showed all the guns in there
and all that, and they told it on the radio.
Oh yeah, because it's probably because the cops are killing
the little fuckers. They were already going,
yeah, exactly.
Well the cops started a war.
So the kid and all that shit was totally unrelated.
The cops started a war.
It was just a reminder, hey, just so you know.
These are bad guys.
You saw their friends get killed,
but don't feel bad for them.
Don't feel bad for them, they're bad guys too.
That's all that was.
You know that the only reason we got Donald Pleasance
in Halloween is because his daughters
were fans of this movie.
Okay.
Yeah, so think about what you're saying, Mike.
What I'm saying, okay, so my rating of this movie,
realistically, realistically, my rating of this movie,
on our scale, which is B through W, is a D.
Salt on Precinct 13, 1976.
Six.
Six, 1976.
Is a D.
A D from the guy that recommended this fucking movie
in the first place.
Yep.
All right, awesome.
And I do understand why you could say it's a B or a C.
I'm giving it.
But I also could say an F or a W.
I'm giving it a solid B,
because I enjoyed it all the way through,
despite all of its flaws.
Lee might have had something to do with that.
And Julie is why it's not a B plus.
I love it.
I'm also giving it a solid B.
I thought, despite all of its glaring,
over the top, ridiculous flaws.
Which I think that makes it a C, which is reasonable.
I think the dude that played Napoleon Dynamite was great.
I think that, I wish he was in more shit.
So if this is really the only movie
we get to see him shine at, can I get a smoke?
I think that's cool.
I think this is, I think he's dope.
I would have liked to have more movies from him.
He was dope.
But if you're best,
if the best thing is the guy that played Bishop.
Also the guy that played Bishop.
Yeah, I'm actually surprised.
He's not in a lot more stuff.
Not in a lot more stuff for you than me.
And that sucks because he was great in this.
He was good.
And then Lee, also super baddie back in the day,
70s baddie, hottie, he squinted his eyes.
She was only in that in one other movie,
and then she just became schoolteacher or something.
Married an actor, had a couple kids.
I didn't look too deep into it, I promise.
So we got San Francisco now.
Two B's and a D.
So, C plus.
Also gotta add, you gotta give credit
that this being one of John Carpenter's first movies,
if not his first movie.
No, it's his second.
Well, it's his second movie,
but the first one looks really bad.
And then just absolute.
First one looks like a student film or something.
Absolute bangers there on out though.
Well, until Sir Floyd.
Well, I don't know.
Actually we were going through,
let's go back to that list of movies.
Well, yeah, cause there was.
Some of them were objectively pretty bad.
Some of them were pretty good.
Well, I don't know,
because now I'm giving it a different.
Day Live is one of my favorites.
Well, you're, yeah, you're.
Oh, Day Live, we've done it.
We love Day Live, I did.
Yeah, cause we've already reviewed Day Live.
We've done a lot of his movies because of this.
The Thing, and now,
Assault of a Received Actor.
So, anyway, it was Dark Star, we haven't watched it.
Then he did Halloween, which is great.
The Fog, which is, I wanna watch.
Escape from New York, I love.
Halloween 2, and 3.
You know, all these.
Prince of Darkness, I have not seen.
Day Live is great.
What, look, people have IMDB.
We get it.
There's a Jason versus Leatherface?
Yeah.
Oh, no, these are.
So some of it is.
I need it.
You're on the wrong one.
If you go to his writer IMDB,
then you see all the fan made bullshit.
This is the actual, his real stuff.
So, anyway, fucking, he did Christine,
which I wanna watch it.
And I like Starman.
Doesn't matter.
People know who John Carpenter is.
We've rated this thing.
It's done.
Let's move on to.
It's a C+.
C+, we gave it?
Sweet.
Yeah, cause I run this fucking shit.
And I don't feel comfortable giving it just a straight C.
So C+, Assault on Pre-C13.
Yay, all right.
Christmas.
You guys do anything fun?
Yeah, we have a good time.
Any fun stories?
Not really anything fun.
Just hanging out with the family.
It's so family, yeah.
Made Prime Rib.
Nice.
We play Uno Triple Play,
which by the way, surprisingly fun.
It sounds fun.
Why surprisingly?
I like Uno.
I don't know, cause Uno's,
Uno can get a little much with too many people.
Uno Triple Play's a little faster moving.
It's fun.
Okay.
Fun, yeah.
Sure.
I like a good card game.
I've always liked Skip Bo or Sequence.
It's always been good for a group.
But I always buy the,
someone gave me a Gondjaland,
which is a,
it's like Candyland.
Is that a weed based candyland game?
It's Candyland, but it's a huge, beautiful,
illustrated board where you pick up cards
and it's like you have a timer to find a leprechaun on this.
It's like a Where's Waldo type thing.
Where you find-
Is it weed based stuff?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're supposed to smoke weed throughout it.
I'd encourage that.
It's like take a hit,
that's what I'm saying, one of the light,
you light on the floor, you can't.
It doesn't smoke into expressly smoke.
But I think it strongly suggests
that you fucking ripped throughout it.
We could play live on a stream
if we ever get fucking video working, Andy.
Anyway.
I had a good Christmas,
I went home and I saw my family, that was fun.
Well, actually, I mean, that was before Christmas.
I worked Christmas, which-
No, but then I had a good day after Christmas
because you brought me back that clearman.
I did brought you my clearmans.
This is good, man.
You saw the plate, I sent you a picture of the plate
I made, it was like just-
Listen, if you're in California-
Clearmans and patties plate, basically.
Go get yourself some fucking clearmans cheese spread
at any state of brother's.
It's really good.
I'm amazed with that.
And the next day we took and I made one
and put some cheese on top.
On top of the cheese spread, I put regular cheese.
Okay.
Oh my goodness, it was good.
I don't know if I'd want to fuck with the taste.
Just a little parmesan on top.
Maybe.
It was good.
But because clearmans,
then we started reading the label,
trying to figure out it's like,
there's a lot of ingredients in it.
It's very good.
No, I made it once.
Yeah.
Oh, you tried to make your own?
I did.
Well, no, you couldn't have, it's impossible.
There's no, it doesn't tell you what's in it.
What do you mean?
Well, the last item is just spices.
No, if you,
You know, you can't really duplicate it.
Sure, if you look at the ingredients list of something
and go, how do I make this?
I can understand that being difficult.
But if you Google how to make clearmans cheese spread
and you go to the howitsfuckingmaderecipes.com
or whatever, then it shows you,
this is how to make clearmans cheese spread,
exactly what's in it.
It tells you exactly what's in all those spices.
That's for everything.
I mean, like everything.
Well, I've done several of those
and they never turned out exactly as I said.
Didn't you make that on an episode for everybody?
Well, yeah, he made the bread.
I actually had the real cheese spread though.
He didn't make it.
Make it.
I think it has worked.
I've done it for the queso dip for chilies.
And I think the only difference that is
what chili you use as the base.
So I think I've made a better version
because I use like a spicier chili.
So I just had like one that I preferred.
This is just chili and cheese and it mixed together.
It's Velveeta, but then it's chili,
but then it's also spices, quote unquote,
as you would put it.
But it's very specific.
It's three teaspoons of this.
It's two teaspoons of this.
But it's, and then you put it in a crock pot
and let it do its thing, right?
That I think has come out pretty good.
I love that dip anyway.
Yeah, that's good stuff.
That's a killer.
You tell it, I always get stoned
and start talking about foods.
I should do that for more parties.
What are we doing?
This isn't podcast.
Let's not get into that caviar potato for a third time.
Caviar potato.
Oh, yes.
Twice, oh, it doesn't fucking matter.
Right, right.
Thank you, Austin.
You're gonna be the chronologic,
the chronicler of the show.
Oh, except for he's listening in reverse as he goes back.
So many episodes where like you guys were talking
about Corn Fest and you're like,
do we even have corn here?
Like, what would it actually be?
It's almost like meth fest.
Meth fest.
And I was listening, I was like,
talk about shooting up a crowd.
Or you guys were talking about like
a group of Gary Busey's, you know, a gaggle of Busey's.
I was hoping we'd do some sort of end of the year highlights.
I can't remember shit.
We can't remember it because we were here stoned.
Biggest disagreements are good ones.
God, the fucking Christmas one,
the season finale where we talk about
diehard being a Christmas man,
has to be maybe the angriest I've been on the show.
Yeah.
You didn't get the fuck out of your house.
No, I didn't.
The very end, one of the last things you said.
No, I didn't.
Fucking music playing and shit.
Get the fuck out of my house.
Oh, I hope I said it in a funny way.
It was.
It wasn't rude, it was funny.
Well, out of context of the moment,
I sound like a jerk a lot of the times I've noticed.
Like if you read the-
Oh, if you're out of context?
No, if you just read the transcript of these episodes,
I'm a monster.
You're a monster.
God, I'm a fucking degenerate, horrible person.
Anyway, if you're listening at home, I'm sorry.
But listening to the episodes backwards,
like in a backwards order for me,
it really does show how much better this podcast gets,
each one.
Right.
Each time, it's just better and better,
it's funnier and on brand.
We're getting better at doing it.
Thank God, because we're getting more downloads.
So I had my cool bumper magnet.
Did you see it on the way in?
I did see that, that's awesome.
Yeah, so I'm representing the-
Try the Rize podcast.
I was gonna offer the other one I have to either one of you.
Yeah.
Yeah, actually, how big is it?
Because you're traveling further.
It's fairly, it's regular bumper sticker style.
Okay.
I'm gonna order more like the one that I have,
but I'm gonna get a little bit smaller.
Yeah.
Because I think it's just a little bit too big.
It'll fit better right here.
It'll fit better on mine.
It doesn't matter, this is so, hey.
Inside baseball.
If you're listening at home, fuck, I'm so sorry.
Anyway.
One of the things about getting high.
It's fucking great.
That's one of the things about getting high on the podcast.
All right, well.
Sometimes we lose track.
Yeah, so Christmas is great, that was fun.
Season finale, this is episode two, season two, we're here.
Let's do our movie suggestions and get the fuck out of here.
Okay.
What do you say?
Our movie suggestions for next year.
Unless you got more.
Wait, I'ma text you back so she can throw in her.
Maybe we'll do it the next episode or something, but-
She hasn't texted you back?
She hasn't texted you back still?
She hasn't chosen.
That was a long time ago.
She got, she's looking.
Oh, she hasn't chosen, okay.
You know what?
Just put the pressure on her a little bit.
Yeah.
Just be like, hey listen, just choose something, it's fun.
It's not, yeah, we're not, it doesn't have to be good,
obviously, we just watched this.
But a very good movie and we all, it's loved.
Okay, so she chose the movie.
Wait, no, we have to call her and get her to say it.
Yeah, she's gonna, she's gonna.
Oh, I'm gonna light these joints again
because we're about to get out of here anyway, so.
Okay, my movie.
I wanna stick with John Carpenter.
Okay.
Ghost of Mars.
Fuck.
That's so good.
It's not too bad.
Hey mom, you're on the podcast, hold on.
I don't even know, honestly.
Oh, Austin's mom, what's up?
So, my movie that I'm suggesting,
a while back, I just listened to the episode,
I sent you, Andy, a message recommending a movie
for you to recommend, but to be fair,
you gave me credit for selecting the movie
and everyone else on the podcast just absolutely shit on me.
They fucking did, it was a movie, it was a Mark Hamill.
Mike was like, he's just a fan
and I was like, fuck you, Mike.
Wow.
Zach was like, I'm a stickler for the rules
and he's not a member of the podcast.
Wow.
Fuck you, Zach, that's right, fuck your god.
Go hang out with Matt, that little bitch.
See, you're a little pussy, Matt.
God, yeah.
So my recommendation.
Matt, you little bitch.
Matt, bitch.
So my recommendation is God damn motherfucking Slipstream
starring Mark Hamill.
It's Mark Hamill with a gun killing people.
What more could you, it's Luke Skywalker
with a gun killing people.
Wow, yeah, fuck, yes.
Okay, so.
So, mom, mom, you're live on the Fried Rice podcast,
say hi to everybody.
Hi, everybody.
Hi, Austin's mom.
Thanks.
You're live, you're speaking to, potentially,
yeah, I'm putting an asterisk next to that, millions of people.
Depending on how popular this gets in the next,
you know, 20 years, who knows.
And we're hitting your joists right now.
Oh my god, so listen, we have this bell ringer thing
and we put these in here, the space dust infused bloopies,
is what they call bloopies.
Holy, my god, I am, they destroyed me.
I'm about to light them up again
because we're about to end this thing,
but fuck, am I just, that destroyed me.
Pardon my French, I don't know,
you know what you're signed up for.
So, what is, what's your, how was your Christmas?
Uneventful, to be honest.
It's a stressful time right now for our whole family.
So, it was kind of a.
I already hashed that out on the previous episode,
so go back and listen to that, fans, for a sad story.
For a sad story.
Sorry.
Okay, well we can move on to something more cheery.
What did you find on Tubi that you wanna recommend to,
again, potentially asterisk, millions of people?
Well, I didn't have one to choose,
so I suggested A Fish Called Wanda.
A Fish Called Wanda, is that on Tubi?
Yes, yes it is.
Wow, see, so weird because I.
That's such a good movie compared to.
I.
This drivel.
Yeah, so I, just the other day, in my own mind,
so this has nothing to do with anybody
because I didn't share it with anybody,
you're speaking out loud, but in my own mind,
I was like, yeah, you remember that movie
when Harry met Sally?
Because that's how my fucking brain works.
It's just, it's just a nostalgia trip.
And then I thought, I was like,
isn't there a movie called A Fish Called Wanda?
So, it's just interesting that you brought that up.
Who's in that, is that Robert Downey Jr., no.
Gosh, what's her, I always forget.
Jamie Lee Curtis.
Jamie Lee Curtis, yeah.
John Cloyce.
A ton of other people you'll recognize
that I can't think of, I'm really bad.
And Kevin Klum, yeah, yeah, no, this looks great.
After pulling off a diamond heist,
the motley crew of culprits dupe one another
repeatedly in hopes of pocketing the loot
in this black comedy.
Yeah, that's definitely up our alley, perfect.
Okay, thank you so much Austin's mom.
And again, these fucking joints are incredible
especially since it's three.
Aren't you like totally on vibrate?
I just finished one myself.
On vibrate, that's an interesting way to talk.
Yeah, your body's just like vibrating.
Yeah.
And you're a little bit hyper, but you're not.
Yeah, I mean, the way I'm describing it
in my own head is just fucked up.
Because again, it's three of them all at once through a bong.
So for me, it's just, I don't know,
I feel like I've shifted into an alternate reality.
Alternate reality.
Right?
Yeah. Go with it, use it.
I'm going to, I don't know how.
I'm gonna, when these fucking guys leave,
I'm gonna play video games.
I don't know how to use it any other way
than the Final Fantasy VII remake,
which I have to replay to, doesn't even matter.
You know, who cares?
What are you, do you see any good movies lately?
In your own life, you go to the movies,
we already talked about movies.
You play video games?
What's your favorite?
No.
My son's trying to get me to do that.
I haven't really done it yet.
What are you trying to get him to play?
I bought a PlayStation VR.
Oh hell yeah.
So I'm trying to get him to use that so it's more fun.
You know, there's so many games now have,
in the difficulty setting, they have like adventure mode,
or story mode is what it's called, where they cut.
Should we just call it grandma mode?
Well, it's not, but it's not grandma mode.
It's more just like, if you want to enjoy
what the game has to offer without worrying about
stupid combat, difficulty spikes,
and getting frustrated.
Ah, okay, that's up my alley.
Yeah, there's really good ones.
Did you watch The Last of Us, that TV show?
Yes, love it.
The game is probably even better because you get more time
with the characters to, you know.
But it's fast, which, did you tell me once
it's fast, which it is?
It's not if you play it on the lowest difficulty.
I think it's just chill mode.
There's still zombies and shit, you could die,
but I mean, it's fun.
I've been trying to get her to either play it
or watch me play it.
Yeah, watch Austin play it.
I mean, fuck, that'd be great.
You should do a Let's Play on Twitch, the two of you.
She sounds great.
My mom and my grandma?
Yeah.
Oh yeah, you gotta put grandma, oh my gosh.
Like a generational.
Oh, that'd be kinda fun, actually, yeah.
Here, can we three-way call your,
can we get your grandma to listen?
Is grandma chill?
Do not ask his mom to three-way call your grandma.
Hey, listen.
Jesus.
Listen, love.
She won't be able to hear anything,
so you gotta like totally plan it.
Okay.
But she's really funny.
Okay, next time.
Well, anyway, I'll let you go.
Thank you so much for jumping on the podcast.
It's always great.
Thank you for having me, guys,
and I'm glad you enjoyed that,
and I'll make you something even better next time.
Oh God.
There's absolutely no obligation to,
this was amazing, but yeah, I mean, if you, yeah, I always.
Well, I have the best recipes for munchies, you guys,
so I told Austin that I would, you know,
make the munchies.
The weed munchie episode?
Yeah.
You're also invited to come up with Austin.
Yeah.
You can come up with Austin
and Mike's just adding his own rules as he feeds easy.
Oh, you guys would be so hammered.
You guys would be so hammered.
I, yeah, it's, well, we.
I would be rolling blunt, and you guys,
oh, I'd have dabs ready, and I'm like,
okay, come on, guys, let's go.
Yeah, this sounds great.
I think we just, I think we just, on air,
just planned a perfect Saturday with Austin and his mom.
If I could bring your grandma, let's all just,
this sounds great.
All right, well, anyway.
All right.
So, for people, listeners at home,
I guess you're just gonna, we'll call it the,
we'll call it Saturday Picnic with Austin's family.
It's gonna be a special coming up.
It'll be a lot of fun.
Maybe we'll do it outdoors.
We'll somehow find a way.
All right, mom, love you.
I'll be home soon.
Okay, Austin's mom, we love you.
Okay, love you guys.
You guys be good, and don't drive or anything.
No, I'm good.
I'm video games, like I said.
All right, have fun.
Enjoy the movie.
I'm sure you guys will.
Okay.
Have a good day.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Well.
Oh, mother.
That was fun.
Your mom's great.
Just best impromptu guest you could.
Yeah, no, she just hung up the phone and went,
and scene.
And, yes, she's turning to the mirror
that she was hyping herself up and for sleep.
You fucking killed it, Austin's mom.
It's kinda funny nowadays with the moms, isn't it?
When you used to, moms are way cooler than they used to be.
Oh yeah.
She used to bust me for speech meetings.
My mom's always been cool.
Oh.
Yeah, I was really young, not really a kid,
but I smoked weed in the bathroom.
I thought that tiny bathroom window
was enough to ventilate the weed.
And then I'm like all stoned in my bed, ready to go to sleep.
I had a baseball card box that I kept on my weed shit
under my bed, and then I hear my mom, I smell it!
And her and my dad come into my room, storm into my room,
they flip my mattress, they didn't find the weed
that was so obviously in that box right there.
And then just a few years later, they're like,
Austin, can you get us some weed?
And now she's like, let me roll joints
for your fucking podcast every week.
The minute it became legal though,
all the moms were just like, fuck it,
I guess it's legal now, we don't care anymore.
The amount of times that I would just be,
like my friend and I would just find a spot,
just a spot that we thought was like,
no one's gonna smell, no one's gonna be far.
And we would just smoke, like a park, or somewhere.
Now, when I'm driving around,
and I don't have a great sense of smell already really,
but sometimes it goes through, I'll be driving.
And I saw these kids just in there,
like some teenagers in this car smoking,
with the window just cracked,
and I could smell it fucking half a block away.
So I'm just thinking, and I'm like, Jesus Christ.
We used to be those kids.
I'm such an idiot.
Anytime that you've ever smoked,
like in your car driving around, which I have not,
but like I've heard of people doing that.
I'm sure that that's how you get caught, guys.
That's why you get your DUIs and shit.
But anyway, those are, so we have Slipstream.
We have...
Go to Mars, which I don't even know if it's on or not.
Fish called, which it's not, so you're disqualified.
Yeah, I'm disqualified.
Fish called Wanda, Slipstream, or...
It's not yours.
God, I had what I thought was a pretty good one,
but now I'm gonna vote for Slipstream,
so I don't even think it matters.
I'm using both my votes for goddamn Slipstream.
Why, you get two votes again?
I thought you get to vote for yours,
and someone else's, was that the rule?
Oh, well, it just depends.
It's updated, I missed it.
It's whatever I feel the most comfortable with it
landing on.
That's it, yeah.
Sometimes I...
It's usually A.D. trying to cheat.
Sometimes people get in their head
that we're gonna watch some bullshit,
and I'm like, no, we get two votes this time.
But if it's this...
It's not really a democracy system.
Zach, you lost your throne of God.
It goes to Andy now.
Yes.
No, I'm sure Zach's a nice guy.
Yeah, Zach's a nice guy.
He's just not God anymore.
Zachy improv, Zachy improv quality.
So as much as...
Thank you, Austin Mose, for the recommendation,
but Slipstream has some sort of...
It needs to be watched by us,
which should, it could have been...
It's come back, yeah.
What was the movie that beat it?
I was so hard...
I don't remember.
It was kinda like mid-season.
What got past it?
Yeah, I don't even understand it.
I don't even know.
It seems like someone would normally...
And it's gonna be hard to really pinpoint it.
But I...
What's the...
I've never even seen this movie.
It's full of Slipstream up there, Zach.
Let's see if I can remember it.
It makes me so...
The fact that I'm so hard-lined on it, I don't even know.
I would like to think of it
as an alternate Star Wars universe,
where it takes place after Return of the Jedi.
The Emperor's dead, Darth Vader's dead,
the Emperor's saved, but then Thrawn comes back,
kills Luke...
The only one where he's running around
on top of buildings and shit is it...
It...
I'm not even sure.
Oh, in a post-apocalyptic future,
a bounty hunter kidnaps a murderer from the police
to obtain the bounty, but two officers go on the hunt
to bring them in, starring Bob Peck, Mark Hamill,
Kitty Aldrich, Bill Paxton, Susan Leung,
Elkis Criticus, and some others.
Click on Mark Hamill's name real quick.
I just wanna see his...
We know who he is.
He's Luke Skywalker.
Go back to his first movies, though.
I know.
I wanna know before that.
Well, he's admitted so much shit.
What do you wanna know?
He's done so much voice work.
Okay, this is not an order, so we...
Oh, you're not on IMDb.
That's what I'm thinking.
I am.
This is Mark Hamill's.
Yeah, but it's not IMDb.
It's just 2B.
Well, we deal with 2B.
It's just what's on 2B.
We just deal with 2B around here.
I know.
I'm trying to see what...
He was Commander Toad in space.
What is...
Oh, it's adding my list right the fuck now.
It's 24 minutes.
1993, 24 minutes, family and friend.
Oh my God, this looks great.
Brave Commander Toad and his Star Wars crew
go where no one's gone before to a watery planet with a monster
who thinks they look like lunch.
What in the world?
This looks one...
Golden Book Video!
That brings back so many memories.
Wait a minute, Golden Book, like as in what?
Golden Book Video.
That production company, they were great.
Or did it make the Golden Books?
The little Golden Books, like we're kids?
He's as brave as Brick Kent.
Whoa!
Bang the stars.
He's not in charge of the whole galaxy.
Ha ha ha ha!
How much you wanna bet that the people that did the...
The props for this or the costumes and everything
also did that dinosaur family show.
Ooh, well let's find out.
That's immediately what came into my head
is what the characters look like.
Let's find out.
Dinosaurs is great though.
That show's great.
I'm the baby, got them!
Oh, based on the book Commander Toad in space.
Also, one of the darkest endings to a family show.
Oh God, yes.
Extinction.
Spoilers.
Literally, we're all gonna die, kids.
And then the show's just over.
Oh, it's Mark Hamill's just voice, yeah.
There's the Adbomb.
Okay, well again, we do this so much on the show.
I'm so fucking sorry.
We get lost in our IMDB.
What, look at an IMD?
There should be some music where we're just fucking
looking at IMDB because we're fucking idiots.
All right, so we're gonna watch Slipstream,
ladies and gentlemen.
Now time to light this fucking shit up,
play some copyright free music, and end this shit.
Cyberpunk, Dark Synth, Plasma, Royalty Free, who cares?
There we go, baby.
You're gonna light that up again, huh?
Yeah.
Lighten up.
One, two, three.
Out of a fucking bell ringer, our new sponsor.
Run to my bell ringer.
You can't do his voice, I don't think,
but wait, he'll get to hear it next week.
He wants to come on, so.
Yeah, well plus you get to have an ad.
Oh, fuck.
The ad.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we'll get the ad.
Bell ringers and Austin's mom just kicked my ass.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
Yeah, one more, one more rip.
Oh my God.
Fuck yeah.
Did I not tell you this was gonna be a chill,
fucking dope ass episode?
This has been Fried Rice Podcast.
With me as always has been motherfucking Austin
is the most thoughtful gift giver
I've ever met in my fucking life.
Holy shit.
Star Trek minifigures, the fucking bell ringer's sponsorship.
We got the fucking Austin's mom shout out,
who's fucking great and brought the triple joints
with space dust and I'm on my fucking ass.
Feral!
Free Palestine.
Okay.
With me as always, I tried to kill him today
with just fucking triple joint power
and he somehow survived.
I did again.
It's Michael.
He hated the movie that he recommended.
Hated a movie that has a 96% on Rotten Tomato.
He's lucky we haven't killed him.
He's lucky to be alive.
It's slapstick Larson.
Have a good week everybody.
And don't watch this movie.
And I am your host and I'm holding you.
Too much.
I can't believe you hit that again.
I'm your host Andy Rice.
I've been so fucking fried.
Thank you Austin's mom.
My bellringers.
And bellringers.
Bellringers.
By bellringers.com.
By bellringers.
By bellringers.com.
Sponsored us.
Let's get fried at Andy Rice, Fried Rice Podcast.
You get it.
Fuckin' love you all.
Good night.
Hey man, have you ever heard of Fried Rice Podcast?
Fried Rice Podcast?
Yeah man, there are podcasts that reviews movies
and a new one comes out every Saturday on YouTube.
They're sponsored by Bellringers.
Bellringers?
Yeah, Bellringers.
It's a adapter for your bong or hookah.
And it holds three joints, three blunts, three bowls
or three dabs.
Three dabs?
Yeah man, three dabs.
So check us out every Saturday on YouTube
Fried Rice Podcast, sponsored by Bellringers.