Music
That was actually...
A little slurpy there.
No, no, no, it was a little slurpy, but it was also...
And...
Welcome to a very special 2025 future edition of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host Andy Rice, Let's Get Fried.
With me, as always, is Brandon.
Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
Ship me out to Boston.
Hello, everybody.
With me as always he just took a ball rip that is gonna fuck him up. It's Mike
He's gonna fall asleep on the goddamn chair again for six hours after this podcast Martin. Hey everybody
Oh, did you get one of those I spice pumpkin spice things?
No, I don't do the pumpkin spice
He came in with a Dunkin Baskin Robbins cup and I've seen those commercials and although I think I spices hot as fuck
Oh, I know those commercials are weird
So yeah, I'm just gonna put on a visualizer for us
It's better than just looking at a picture Wow, that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah, it's just for the people at home
It's a it's called night drive 4k. It's just this this car
Driving with some other cars on a freeway into the universe. It looks like it's pretty cool
There's pretty cool. Yeah, it's it's
Out there. I feel like
There was a Penn and Teller game. They made a game
They made a game and you were just a truck driver and it was it was 14 hours until anything happened
It was done as a oh joke. Wait, I think I know what you're talking about. I don't think anything does happen
No, nothing does I don't even think I don't even think after 14 hours anything happens. I think it just goes on
No, I think it's all bullshit. It's a 14 hour drive and I think when you get there you just drive back
It's a troll of a game
Looking at this visualizer already got a trip in the fuck out. You gotta be going to Penn and Teller in
1996 and tellers bullshit though still to this day one of the best like, you know, fuck you expose
It holds up though. Yeah, it really does. I've been watching it now. So
Bullshit bullshit. Yeah, every episode holds up
I think I heard an interview with him and he said that there's one episode it turns out after all these years
That they're wrong
Well, there's two things
One for Penn and Teller. I need to write this down. So don't forget the second thing is that I'm already kind of
We gotta stop pregame and so no, so yeah, I'll never will
So there was a Penn and Teller
There was a Penn and Teller bullshit episode in case you're listening at home and because like I have friends now
I think they weren't even alive when Penn and Teller
Bullshit came out like I think I don't know. Yeah, Haley's
Right. So if you're listening at home, you don't know
And you don't know what it is. I mean first off it's great
But there's one episode where they so it's Penn and Teller the magicians the one that talks the one that doesn't talk
Unless you look for him clips of him talking because he does talk
Yeah, just a normal dude
Way more normal than pin actually
But they uh, they had the show where they just exposed bullshit
one of them being
One of my favorites that stands out
Is they go to a fine dining restaurant
And we we
They not we fuck
They they go to a fine dining restaurant
they
They get a connoisseur like a water a water connoisseur to come out and he goes up to the tables and he says we have
Some very fancy waters from all around the world
Would you like to sample them tonight and people are like sure and they start bringing out these bottles and the people are like
Oh, this one's got like you could taste the crispness of the air that it was bread and whatever whatever blah blah blah
And at the end they show that every single one of them
Not even tap water hose water from the back and just when you're told, you know
If you think that shit so like is that the same episode where they brought the food out right the frozen TV dinner
And they put it on a plate and fancied it up. Oh, look it out. It's like absolutely
No, it's like a hundred dollars playing the food. They charge people was a TV dinner
Yeah, but if you get away with it, I mean his TV dinners to a degree tastes pretty good
I mean, I have seen a guy on YouTube I ain't chef dad take to TV frozen dinner. Yeah
And if you see his clips, it looks delicious. Is that the guy where it's like his son comes up?
He's like, hey dad, they're saying that you can't turn
I'm not there like a mac and cheese into something, you know, then you just well that was easy to turn into something good
You just gotta add me. Yeah, I was adding ground beef to cheese and it was
It's like a chemically
It's called iron chef dad, yeah, I'll check them out later
Well, cuz he really was an iron you want to start your oh, yeah
Remember this more moat though. Is it more? No, it's not more moat though. I
Can't remember his name. Yeah, but he was a real iron chef
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we're forgetting that this is a podcast
Oh, what are we just I think we're just we're just enjoying each other's company right now in front of a mic
At this podcast the fried rice podcast we have a segment called what are we smoking and in this case the problem it's some good shit
I'll tell you what the bull we just smoked that I am that I brought
Is the Don mega from Mojave Reserve?
It's called Don mega. It's I mean, even though we don't really care about
percentages around here if you seem to care about these things 20 saw
27.55 total THC but then total cannabis or cannabinoids or whatever the fuck just says total can is
3181 so
Whatever the fuck that means
Obviously get you high. Yes, it works already. It's been great. Brighton. What did you bring? You brought a couple things?
It's got to be louder
It's a podcast
This is a Jack Herrera sativa
Got it from THC. Okay, it's from good company good flower. Yeah, and then percentages 32.145
So if it's if that means anything it means anything and this one is a Jeter baby cannon
Infused with live resin. It's called Chernobyl. Yeah
Always a good sound
Yes, can't see the they covered the THC
With another stick
It doesn't even at this point don't turn don't put it. That's good enough. Yeah
So sure Chernobyl was a no, you can look it up. Yeah, you want to start that we can't I mean we should
Because I'm already I'm already pretty toasty
But I just I look at it. It's just
We have a lot. Well, you know, we can wait on it. Let's just smoke this we could smoke this ball
Because I'm interested to try this Steve. We'll get to that because that thing you're right that thing's gonna fuck us up
I want I want Mike to get to a point where he could try it. Yeah, you might be a little too high
So
That's what we're smoking the baby G those fucking baby Jeters, I don't know at home if you
The one like you're too high. It's only because I'm the only one that does a bunch of animals before this
These guys start out sober
Cuz I'm usually
I've been I've been since 11 a I've been two hours on animals now just going
And then you hit me with a bowl because I'm typically
I'm usually the highest one here most of the time late tip. Oh, no, I have a hole before I take a shower
Yeah, usually you have a I did today for yeah, so I was already a little whatever before
You know you guys you guys came in but uh
But that one got me good that felt great
So this like this will have you this was this was a good that's a good I got from jars
That was pretty good. Yeah, I've liked jars so far better. But again, this is super hyper local
I believe people we have people and I looked at our RSS and it's and it's
We have people in different countries
Germany which I don't understand. I mean, I know I have I have friends out there like technically I know people in those countries
Kid in the military somebody's you know, look at this shit just look
We have Singapore
Any call or par Lampur we have Kuala Lumpur we got somebody I think that's a VPN
Mountains of washing
And then who's this up here Helsinki that could be a person I know people are living
Well, I mean you've visited that's probably us talking about, you know, do you haven't you visited there?
I've been on a I went backpacking across talk about when you went there when I was a
Probably that it's probably the dude the story you told when you went into in the room to get the
The we the bongo bongo the bongo bongo story. So but that was that where that was that was Prague Prague
That was in the Czech Republic where that happened, but we were right. Oh shit
I probably shouldn't put him on blast, but they should now live in Helsinki
Wait, I don't know. That's it'd be a large big criminal
Guy with some weed underneath a seat that I would
occasionally
Too much go get we I should have just for anyone listening the conclusion of that is I really just should have
Gotten like three or four grams
First time I went back and fucked off
Yeah, every day you get one gram just a oh god another just growing pains moment for me
So
Anyway, we we've changed the format on this
I shouldn't even I don't even have to preface this anymore if you've been listening
This is now how it works. We talked about the movie up at the top so that we can get into bullshit later, which oh
By the way, have you got a list of bullshit?
No, no, I wrote down so I have to go right away, I'm so glad I wrote this down
I read it right now. It was like okay, so we were talking about Penn and Teller bullshit
You said that one of their episodes was wrong and I was like
The show Adam ruins everything which I like quite a bit
Okay, that's interesting bill, oh my god
Hey, how's it going?
This is it
Probably most comfortable way for you to get in here. Well, holy shit. You forgot that
I cannot believe you forgot. No, no, wait, wait. Yeah, and always
Always with me and always it's Ryan just nearly gave me a heart attack is that sort of sounded like the cops?
I'm like I wasn't expecting it sounded like the cops and
Sure, this is all legal now
Come on
Here I got some some weed, okay. Well, we're still kind of in the what are you smoking section?
Cool, yeah, I know this is just a bonus loose bag of weed. This is a mystery bag. This has
Nugs of all different types strains in it
Yeah, I put this together between all the leftover weed for my birthday party or not birthday Halloween party that we're at and I found several
count of like 12 sacks of
Really good nugs and so I mixed them together and made the mystery bag by the way, can we talk about that?
What are we? Hold on. Let me mark this down. We'll get to it. Yeah. Oh
Nobody
Jesse couldn't make it. He's always here. He's in the corner. He's just not doing anything
Yeah, he's not recording anything and of course since Brendan's been here the whole time you guys already know each other
I like the handshake that you guys
Just to finish my tangent Adam ruins everything
Yeah, they did a whole season at the end of their season. They're like, here's an entire episode of all the things that we got wrong
Where they're just like yeah, we once said that the Empire State Building is this tall. It's not it's this tall
We made a mistake. Oh, they're like, hey, we said that this company owned this thing
They don't it's whatever like because they're like they fuck up and and since they're ruining things they route
So it's called Adam ruins. Adam ruins everything. Okay, it's very it's very very metal
Yeah, it's very and he just goes through all the shit all the mistakes they made and I think they did that twice for like two
Of their seasons and then I think after that they stopped making mistakes because they didn't do another one
Where were they going through the mistakes of just of their show?
Everything Adam ruins everything he does like he talks about diamonds for instance, right?
Just the diamonds corporation does a whole episode on it where he talks about operation. Yeah
Yeah, the beers owns like I don't know
I'm paraphrasing like 90% of all the diamonds in the world
so what he does is he buys a
Necklace or shows someone buying a necklace like a diamond necklace or something from one store for like five grand and then going down
The street and getting offered eight hundred dollars for it
Same I mean like literally just down the street to another
Reparable, you know diamond company and they just offer him 800 bucks because diamonds that they're just made up numbers
All it is is just what diamond what jewelers think they can get from you for buying a diamond is their whole thing
And so after watching that Adam ruins everything
I'm like if I were to ever get married if I I show that to her first date
Halfway through the relationship and close to when we're gonna get married right?
No, no that I get her happy with the idea of a different stone
There's a supreme arrogance of this Adam Feller, okay, okay
He's making claims like he's probably right like I heard that diamonds are so plentiful that these diamond companies mine them and then
Hashem out is like rare because they control the entire
So it's like an infinite amount of these fucking rocks from these mines
You know what I mean? Like and isn't that the same of any resource? Yeah. Yeah, it's like
People are pissed off that they fell into the trap of like the same
Propaganda to been fed since the 20s about marriage and diamond rings and now and now the game is actually you can show this broad
This fictional broad you're gonna marry that thing, but she's gonna be like, okay
So let's say you get me an amethyst
Yeah, right or something or a rare stone that actually is like my friends are gonna fucking make fun of me for not having a diamond
Right. Wait, so you better get me a diamond and you are not playing
You get her friends to come over big old hangout put it on the background
Sure, you know the friends to watch it. No what I'm saying you know is he now he goes over all that though
Yeah, you don't think it's not just the diamonds. He goes. Hey, you want to know why you buy engagement rings in the first place?
Here's the newspaper at the first one that just started the campaign that diamonds belong for engagement
You gotta say forever Andy. There was only a band before that. I'm gonna use anything before no you had a marriage band
No, you didn't have an engagement ring. No. Yeah. No. Yeah exactly
I'm you got married you would you would have a ring but before that I think you just
Ask someone to marry you. Yeah, but this was like the 50s is what we started or like the 40s when we started do this
It was very recent so it's kind of weird that it's like we still that everyone perpetuates it
So so blatantly but anyway, I think he fixes something from that episode when he ruins his own shit kind of to me
It's a capitalist lesson that if you can find the source of something
Sure, even if it's plentiful and then as market is rare
It then you too can have fuck you money. No matter what no matter what it is
Somebody made pet rocks back in the same era. Let's not forget. So yeah
I also committed a regular shitty rocks could be your friend. They made a lot of money off that too
Googly eyes on the rocks. Yeah
Yeah, some some the original the original you never heard the original vampire the first vampire ever right?
Well the original Karen the first Karen ever thought of this genius idea to put googly eyes on fucking rocks and sell them to her
friends for exorbitant prices
Yeah
Zilla Karen the fucking the anti-delivian Karen. Let's see what a pet rock. Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking at images of it
Is this is this
That's for $20 we're making fun of the diamond guy was Adam they didn't even put googly eyes on it
They literally put a rock and some straw in a box. Is this really what it looked like? Yeah, okay
So so okay for everyone at home
I've always been under under the I guess
Misconception that that a pet rock was a rock that someone glued googly eyes on to but no, it's actually
Just a rock
On a hay little nest in a box that says pet rock. Yeah
Yeah, okay, but now that I know that was it back there. I think it was 10 back then
But this box what is millions of dollars this box contains one. I don't know genuine. Is this yours? Oh, yeah, absolutely get into it
I've had them for weeks now and I had them on the show
I can't get great but what he's eating ladies and gentlemen, because again, this is a verbal audio
our spicy rainbow crunch
freeze-dried skittles, so they're
Last week spicy skittles here. They're great. Take your hit. Oh
No Dario, so it's it's up to you to
Take reads. I have a I don't mind if you guys mind but recently I had this idea for the podcast if you're okay with
It okay. I had this really clever idea
I feel like there's a vacuum and what the pack what the group needs is somebody that reads off poems
For the movies that we review. Oh, and I thought it'd be really interesting if we just had Burt
read
poems every episode and
One of them we have one locked and loaded for future. He does he has enough for future support
He has one to introduce himself. Hey whenever you want to get get around to it. Okay
Well, I didn't I didn't see him until now, right? God, this is gonna be weird. There might even be copyright issues in the future
Because
We've already determined well, you can make that decision now because we've already determined that's the future you so it doesn't
Really matter you make all decide in the future. It's just one right and then we'll pass it
It looks like you were about to oh, I was gonna score to that boy. I brought flour
This is gonna get demolished by me
So I have a problem snack I get over here I get like I get high all day
But for some reason your fucking shit gives me the munchies like a mother
I've been smoking for years. I don't get the munchies. Normally. Well, I always I try to have little snacks out
I will fuck it up so bad
Yes, we're in our time orbits it's not it's not three months later right now it's
I know people at home don't want to hear this shit. It's only a few days later. I was sitting there and I realized that Bob has gone
To the fucking grave beyond and now I'm here to take his place
And I thought man I
Podcast needs poems. Yeah, and I'm also gonna volunteer not the main ones ever done this before but I'm also gonna sing some songs in regards
to the to the movies we're watching do you want to write us a
Breakfast club style apology because that's where we were that was one of the most letdown fucking things of all time
Is I wanted that so badly Bob didn't but I feel and I can't speak for Bert
This is an audio podcast. Bert's another person that's not always here
But he would love
Bert's gonna write a breakfast club apology for that shitty movie that his brother
Recommended. Yeah, wait, we're going to need another apology
For what?
For what? No
This week's movie because you became the future Bob so much
Was that who is that this made you Bob and that's basically slapstick. Yeah
I've missed that
Because no one does no one does Mike better than you and I'm including Mike including me, right?
Well, and by the way, I'm gonna have no joke
I'm gonna have some this is basically slapstick t-shirts made
I want them so bad
You can order I'm gonna have it set up where you can pick your travesty that's happened to the planet
you can pick like
Apartheid and 9-eleven you can pick floods and then there's gonna be a by a chibi a chibi Mike going
It's basically slapstick
at the top of the shirt so
send them me
Phototypes are building right now
When it comes in send that sent right the fried rice
Yeah, I love it
Please send us a message and we'll make sure we get you a custom shirt made
I fucking love it first few will probably be on me. Oh
My god, perfect. Okay. Well great. Oh, let me introduce. Let me introduce Bert. What's his last name?
Is it just is it just Polarski? Yeah, it's Bob's
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes for city if a studio time 20 we do that before after the movie you're out
You're going out. Oh you're backing up the order again. Well, I can summon Bert whenever you want
Well, yeah, we're doing right. Yeah, let's get into this. Let's get into this move
Okay, what's this movie? I'm trying to keep him in
The blind a bit we can work with it for those for those listening at home
I'm the high lady. Yeah, you're gonna have to actually pack one. You know
They're both I can't do both man, I can't I can't host and pack a bowl
I just I like the fuck Andy you guys have to pack them and I'll smoke them
so
What was the movie? What was the movie guys?
In the movie we are what was it called? It's called this right here. It's on it's right up here
It's called future sport. Can I do I know? I want to know don't even look at that put it down
But don't I'm gonna know stuff. Okay, what cuz I'm gonna explain control. I'm gonna explain
I'm gonna tell you about this. I just want you to hear the premise first that we've got that got us into this
Okay. No, okay
No
You want to make it three I'm giving you that I'm giving you that I'm gonna give you the tagline right here
You know in a world where gang violence was solved by two guys creating a sport mixing
basketball
Baseball hockey played on hoverboards and rollerblades called future sport called future sport. That's important
Oh, yeah, let's go see the future sport match is what people would say to each other go in there
And so because of its popularity
They've decided to use it to maybe try to solve war instead of just gang violence. It worked for gangs
Let's see if we can solve international conflict
So like the UN's already be starring Dean Kane
Stopping a Hawaiian terrorist organization
From as there are so many
Heal. Oh, you know starring the most white
Hawaiian of all time the wrong wearing Hawaiian face. I'm gonna call it anyway, what we'll get to that. He
Dean Kane is a star. What's the you?
Mean, he's Lois and Clark
Yeah, what do you want? He and also not future sport and now he's a crazy dude now, but it's yeah
he
anyway with the help of with with the
Wesley Snipes as as a guy named fix and Vanessa Williams as the ex-girlfriend
Jamaican guy named okay Jamaican guy named
Fix this is a sport. No, this is not yours Ryan. This is really made for TV yet
titties and rated R
For they added that in it was to be has a rule
There's just a scenery say God they did
Digitally added titties. I bet you the water in that hot tub. That was my favorite moment was the kiddies. Yeah
Yeah, that was my favorite moment was the kiddies
So they can't stop me anymore. I'm permanent. That's the premise. Here's the event horizon poster
Sporter you should see the rollerball posters the same poster to rollerball
Put a trailer on a future sport. Yeah, I
Never even watched a trailer almost causes seizures
For those listening at home, here's this here's the trailer your future sport. Oh hold on. I'm gonna have this muted
From Columbia try star
Idiot, yes. I
For one moment the world
Oh
My god, this is just a seizure inducing music video montage of the opening of Batman Beyond theme song
This wanted to be bad man, I was so high
This
Isis isix these isix from the book. I can't believe they added that fucking character
This is and this is after or we can't make time. I help my timeline brain work. Is this after
blade
No, and I in here's that's as good
Because here's talking about going back. Okay, we're skipping we're skipping ahead just a moment, but at one point
Wesley Snipes does some kung fu
You don't expect this from his character because his character up until this point was just a guy
He's like a he's just trying to stop gang warfare. He invented the sport future sport
He didn't want to be a player. He's staying back from it
Then eventually, you know this then then eventually he joins the terrorists
He realizes that was a mistake. He then joins the good guys on the future sport field
And then does some kung fu, but when he does the kung fu he has a few very very like beta
blade like like alpha blade lines like it's like
Just before blade came out. He tested out some things where I think he kicked a guy in the face
Okay, perfect
Tell the people when he's delivered with a Jamaican accent with a Jamaican made the whole movie
That was someone else that wasn't Wesley so okay Wesley Snipes
Dead man can't earn data
It's just a weird
Full said yeah, he went as full said is like it was almost wait. Here's it was Wesley stack playing it
It was still almost racist
I was like it was just Robert Downey Jr. Doing blackface. Yes, exactly. I felt less racist
I felt less racist than this but we can't I don't know what Wesley Snipes is heritage is
Maybe he's of Jamaican heritage and so he could get away with it late
Stereotype of the whole Jamaican culture one of my notes was not sure if this movie is supposed to be funny
But Wesley Snipes is hilarious. I think he was trying
Okay, so let me I mean we made a point though. He said right when he was introduced. He's like that guy's shady
Yeah, okay, so but then I realized he later Dario minutes because he was he's wearing sunglasses the whole time
Yeah, so he was shady. That's what was so fun
How about for a for a way to do this today since I didn't watch it
How about I ask you guys a shitload of questions? Okay. All right. Okay, so
Let's go. Did they solve war with future sports? Yeah
Kind of yeah
Sort of they did the future sport at the end. They the the so who are the factions in this?
So you have you just for North America? Okay, all of it. Okay
Versus is that Canada and South America are now fused into one North America. Finally, I think so
This is 2025
Next year 2024
Here
Chelsea Clinton is the president of course
Get the president
President Clinton's on the line tell Chelsea. I'll call her back later
That's a bold choice we're writing the script right you're like we need it we need a fun sassy president someone that's gonna like
blow the people away
Chelsea Clinton
Assuming there was a writer and this no there was a writer
That's the reason I picked this movie because the writer is the guy that wrote and directed Miracle Mile the movie was last week
Which is great. That's and we went to his Wikipedia fun. I would have made
Wesley Snipes the president and then the other character is also played by him
Just so that way you know that this guy over here is not Wesley Snipes
Without the dreads without the dreads
Yeah, just he's like I'm a bad motherfucker
And then he plays Jamaican guy Figgs and they interact with each other a lot
But that way he's not him
Got it. Okay. Great. Well, okay. So yeah eventually eventually
So basically Dean Cain hotshot player, right?
He's the best he's the LeBron James of the future you get it and in this very
I was gonna say it's the most popular his popularity index
The highest ever
His douchebag index is the highest ever
It's basically that Black Mirror episode where everyone is rates each other in the ranks of a book
He's 10. He's even after all of the fiasco of him losing the big game is still 10 ahead of the actual president
Well it's Chelsea Clinton
I mean I probably like Dean Cain too
You know what I mean?
I don't like LeBron James
I've liked him more than any president ever
Oh shit
So yeah
By the way, we're gonna call Dean Cain the Pharaoh
The Pharaoh
Because that's just I everybody needed a little bit of cultural preparation
Why was he? He had random Spanish
It's because his name was Trey Mayne Ramsey
Yeah
Three man team
Is that Trey Man Ramsey?
They call him Trey the Pharaoh
So in this he's
He was originally written for Eric Estrada
Was he really?
No I have no idea
He changed actors but not the stereo
Don't you always without Dario getting greens shouldn't you get greens?
No that's not how this works
Well I'll do them
Because you did it Star Wars
I'm next in line
So the Pharaoh
His girlfriend gives him a necklace that is just straight up like an Egyptian artifact necklace
And she puts it around his neck
And she's like exactly that's it
Oh my god
I swear I didn't see this
I didn't waste my time with this shit
So then we got him
Cultural appropriation for Egypt
Vanessa Williams
Is
I don't know she's pretty cool whatever
I liked her character
She was good so she's the reporter that found
Future Sport when it was just gangs
Settling their beefs
Through Future Sport
As they normally do
I guarantee you an art major wrote this movie
Oh it's crazy though this movie
This movie is so crazy because at the time
These were three pretty
Superstar people
Not even three, Wesley Snipes was
Wesley Snipes was fucking US Marshals
I said three
All three of them were
Very famous at the time
Oh yeah I was gonna say
Oh yeah you're not wrong about that
And this was a TV movie
I don't know how they, in what TV channel
You spent as much money as it would have been for those three
This was blackmail for sure
Because there's something
Because Wesley Snipes by this time
Had already starred in New Jack City
White men can't jump
Rising sun
Was Sean Conner
Demolition man
Holy shit
And US Marshals
Came out the same year
But he was cast
Whatever that was
Was a firecracker
When my wife went to look at something
It's not even on here
She looked up on her deep cane
This movie didn't show up there like it's not on there
Dude you know what I remember this movie
Because it was a TV movie they didn't know
I remember this being advertised for Syfy
Back when I was in high school
It was probably a rerun on Syfy, I'm sure it was NBC
Or somebody big back then
Hey motherfucker, Wesley Snipes was also
A producer on this movie
So
I don't know, anyway
So the, there's the Pan Pacific
Commonwealth and the North American Alliance
Those are the two people and they're trying to go
Who's going to take over the Hawaiian Islands
You have a terrorist organization
Known as Hilo
You have a terrorist organization
Known as Hilo played by
Oh my god, I need to click his IMDB
Because he's so white
No that's how we got here Andy
Don't click on anyone's IMDB
No no no, what was his name? Oh Eric Seif
Okay, this guy
Oh his name's Born, great
Looks like Benedict Cumberpatch
This guy wearing full
Full Hawaiian
Tribal makeup
You know the shit on the rock's
Shoulder? It's on his face
The entire movie
And he's calling people Howley
Yeah, that's the thing
He calls people Howley's
Oh god, it's bad
Wait wait wait, I have a thing
My friend, his name's Kennedy
Jamin Kennedy, he lives in the Hawaiian Islands
Right, like he's lived there his entire life
He speaks pidgin and shit like that
Like he's fucking adept at it
Would you guys like me to ask him
Any Hawaiian-centric questions
And we can play Is It Racist?
I'll have him watch that
You should have him watch that
And then just get his general vibes
Of what he thought about
The storyline
I'll tell you, whatever I get here for the follow-up ladies
I'll message him and I'll have him
Send me a voice memo
And I'll play it on the pass-by
I want to hear it, yes
Do you hear this Kennedy? You're answering these fucking
Hard-fought questions about how racist it is
That JR Bourne
Had a tribal tattoo
On his face
On his face of all places
He leans hard into that
He's like
Butters character in that South Park episode of Hawaii
He's a native Hawaiian
It's overplayed like cartoon overplay
It's basically slapstick
It's basically slapstick, Andy
When you had this guy on there
Appearing to be racially what he's not
And I said he's doing it
Okay, he's playing the role autistic
He's basically a slapstick
Hawaiian
You're good at it, Ed Mike
You're better at me than me
So anyway, okay, so
It was streetball back in the day
I don't think they had hoverboards, it was skateboards and rollerblades
It looked cooler when it was on
It looked cool
It was skateboards and rollerblades
There were some people with rollerblades with sticks
That are I guess legally allowed to beat the shit out of you
While other people were just rolling around
Only on street rules, that's only when you go to street rules
And if you got a ball, the ball
Well I don't know how they replicated this
But after five seconds you had to probably let go of it
But in the
New version, ten years later
Can you imagine the Bloods versus the
Can you imagine the Bloods versus the Crips
The amount of cheating
In that game
What if, what if they won
What if they didn't
That's heart attack
Oh my god, what if Wesley Sipes
You're giving me too much mic voice
And you're still a little too mic right now
Oh my god
I'm still stuck here
And that's basically slapstick
Maybe I need to beat Bert to clear it
You gotta clear it, right
Yeah, this is
Fuck
I was gonna admonish you for
Your face is the color of your shirt
Right up, red
Are you okay?
I am now
So it's the big game
Championship game, world championship
And what's the stakes?
Nothing, just a trophy, it's the world championship
How are they solving the war but just having big games for trophies
They're not, they're not
Because the game warfare, so think about this
They invent street going
So this
This movie takes place 10 years after
This sport already exists
But the Vanessa Williams
Is a reporter that 10 years ago found
This sport and was like hey
This is stopping
Game warfare
How
How is that possible
Because gangs were settling
Hey, we wanna sell drugs on this corner
And they're like no
We settle this in a game of
Future sport
Instead of shooting each other
As high as we are
So what happened to the game that lost
They have to simulate
So they have a
They have a version of street ball
That's basically just rollerblading and skateboarding around
With a ball
They're throwing into a tube
Your description is so much better than the movie
They don't say anything
They just think that you got along with them
Oh sure
This is after a whole movie of trying to
Deduce what the sport is
I just nailed it
It's a few people on rollerblades
With sticks that are allowed to hit you
Otherwise
Otherwise you're on a skateboard
With a little ball you got 5 seconds to throw it
Into a tube
Or it's gonna shock you basically
This is the street ball
It doesn't shock you
It's a sport
Exactly
It's port town is what they call it
Future sport it's gotta be in port town
It's not in Jamaica
This is all in North America
Because Westley Sipes invented it
In East Jamaican
He could have invented it in California
He didn't have to be in Jamaica to invent the game
He invented it with the Pharaoh
Dean Cain
Dean Cain invented it
Dean Cain was a professional
Basketball player
Because this replaced basketball
There we go scandal
And so he
Exactly
Dean Cain killed basketball
He left
Nobody wanted to watch basketball anymore
His Q rating was too high
His yelp review
Can you imagine the stress of
He's dicking a chick down
And does it wrong and she drops his view
The stress of being the Pharaoh
That kinda happens
Maybe that's why they call him the Pharaohs
Because he killed something
And came back to life
He killed basketball
That's him and the reporter
That's a little deeper than this movie
Yes
A little deeper
I like it
You're channeling it
So that's 10 years ago
Vanessa Williams finds it
She does a report on it
It gets national attention
But not for the right reasons
According to Wesley Snipes
Which is like hey we're stopping gang warfare
Instead it's like look at this cool sport
Now that's realistic
So they make it into the NFL
Basically whatever
They make it into a huge thing
10 years later
The Pharaoh since he invented the sport
He's fucking great at it
I'm gonna let you describe
Let me give you two facts about him
He's very very very selfish
And he thinks he can do it all on his own
I don't need to explain anything
Why don't you tell me how the match goes
The other team has a hot new up and comer
That's pretty talented
And wants to win
And he's on his last year
And the Pharaoh is on his last year maybe
He tries to hot shot it
And then the new hot talent beats him up
Beginning them
Well in a way
He doesn't beat him up because he's not
He's not a guy with a stick
He's a guy that throws it into the tube
He's still the hero even though he's a douchebag
But yeah he fucks up
He doesn't pass
He refuses to pass the ball
And because of his selfish play
The other team is able to capitalize on him
Oh in this game
Mike's been trying to make this point
In this version in the future
Now that you're playing big leagues
Oh you're on hover boards motherfucker
It's not skateboards anymore
Hover boards with, they look sick
The hover board technology is probably the best thing about this movie
Compared to back to the future
It looks like back to the future
There's a rip off of their hover board
I'm sure they did exactly what they did
Now they're picking on me
But they did it a lot more
You don't get a lot of hover board in back to the future
You get more of it in this one
But the ball
He's been playing for more than 5 seconds
What happens?
But what does the host say?
He's trying to ride the lightning
And he couldn't do it
Because it starts fucking
Electrocuting you as you're heading
Towards the tube
And you're just fucking looking
He literally has an open person
And he's getting
Instead of passing
He falls to the ground
The other guy picks it up and wins
And he's embarrassed
That's just the first game
Are we to assume that if you ride the lightning
Long enough you can score?
Yes, it's their assumption
Skip to the end
Did the announcer go
He's ride the lightning
Did he do anything like
Ride the lightning
What did he say in neat?
He pops up in the screen
He tried to ride the lightning
Damn
It's a weird commentator
It's kind of weird how
Whoever wrote it, one of that guy
To be low energy
Make sure he's got a zanny bar
Going through his system
Whoever's the guy covering the play by play
Pretty much
Give Tony Schiavone a tranquilizer
He tried to ride the lightning
He held on to the high voltage
Current for several seconds
He wasn't very exciting about it
When he announced he rode the lightning
It was just a little bit more energy
It was during it
I will say this, their depiction of the future
You bring up the point of the announcers
Being superimposed
Onto the
Image of the game
Which they make a comment
Back in the old flat screen
Movie days
When people watched it on
Sort of that semi holographic
Whatever bullshit
That doesn't look practical
I will say there
The idea of superimposing
A person that's popular
On top of things
I feel like is going to happen
In the future
A few of these things in this movie
Are going to happen in the future
In the background, all the tvs
Everywhere you go, all it is
Is just one or two second clips of images
That's not what youtube shorts algorithm is
Right now
Well the
Hot air balloon billboard thing
That says yours
But it sounds like it's just repeating whores
Like it kept, when I first heard it
I'm like is it just saying whores
There's so much insane background stuff in this movie
Because my wife, there's a gym scene
In this movie somewhere, I don't even remember where now
But there's a gym scene
And it cuts to, and the shows are
He were walking through there
And he's, in the background
They're like, some guy pushes another guy
And then takes his hands and just shoves him
In a barrel of coals
Oh my god
Workout scene
The workout scene
What the fuck was that
Basically the guy
Appropriating Hawaiian culture
We'll call him the rock
I'm not saying the rock does that
But I'm saying
The rock comes from an actual family
But this guy, want to be rock
We'll call him the pebble, we'll call him pet rock
Pet rock
So, okay
So pet rock with the
Makeup, tribal face on
He's got a foot soldier
From Ninja Turtles
It is that goofy
They are literally just at times just standing there
And just aimlessly firing at
Dummies that can holographically change
Into images of all Dean Cain
So that when he comes up
Just in case they're unfamiliar
Who they're looking for
All six dummies are down D.Cade
Yeah, all D.Cade
Well no, they were different people
He sent the goons away, he pulls out a different gun
Turns it all into Dean Cain and then blows them away
At one point
In the gym
There's just goons just doing stupid training
And he's right
There's a barrel of hot coals
And a guy just wipes
Dario said he just wiped the sweat off one of the guys
And just put his hands in the coals
For no reason
It's a training method
It's just in the background
It doesn't mean shit to the story
It's just walking by
And it's just moving on
Weird shit
I gotta say
For a made for TV movie
When you get Dean Cain with S.O.A.
Whoever this director was
With whatever budget he had
Did miracles
I'm not saying it's a good movie
It's not
It's not a good movie
But I enjoyed a lot of it
There were so many parts
If you watch this movie by yourself
I'm really sorry, but if you had somebody else
To make fun of it with
It's great for that
I was writing notes, I was laughing about it
It's funny
It's just straight
Not on purpose funny
Let's go around the table
What was your favorite moment
Of the entire movie
That was mine
The Jim part
That was my favorite moment
Of this whole movie
That one scene
Of walking by a dude
Shove his hands in coals for no reason
Did he look at the camera and scream
No
He's just holding his hands
I gotta say
The most fun part
Is Dean Cain's speech to the world
Oh god
Is that a favorite part or is that creepy
I'm gonna point it out
I don't follow rules
This is the Fried Rice Podcast
You said there are rules
I'm just holding it to you
I make the rules
I'm the captain
Always
Dean Cain at some point
Calls up Vanessa Williams
She's the best mother I am
She's like I can do that
Even though I'm not gonna tell you
What it's about or anybody
She's like sure
He pops up on a suit
Weird
It's on every TV in Times Square
They superimpose that on so
Much TVs
So many of them
He just makes a speech
He's like hey guys
It's me your boy the Pharaoh
I'm not joking
This is real
Us North America
We challenge you
The Asian people
For territory over Hawaii
Through a game of future sports
Your best versus our best
The world
What do you say better than war
And everyone's like
Better than war let's do it
They get together a team
Including one of his ex teammates
And then he gets together a team
With people that kind of hate him
His coach gets murdered by a spider robot
It's relevant to the plot
And also cultural appropriation
The coach I don't know what religion
He was trying to pretend he was
But he's very much a middle-aged white guy
Who had a lot of beads
And did this a lot
You know what's really strange
That you just put it in those terms
Andy Reid today
The coach of the Kansas City Chiefs
He was playing an international game this weekend
He literally said
Almost line for line
The same thing in his press conference yesterday
That he got killed by a spider
No that if the world
All would just play football
We wouldn't have like the stuff going on in Israel
He literally said that
I think I'd have a
Let's say it was all decided
On a game of football
And we challenged Asia
Exactly
To what though? What's the stakes?
Okay the game of football
Because that's all that's left
I'm playing it by Future World
Over Hawaii
Who gets dominion over Hawaii?
No sure
Let's just play that
And then we get our team together
And it's like the Las Vegas Raiders
And then they get their team together
And you can see there's like a skill gap
And if I was living in Hawaii
I'd be like
I'm not following any of that shit
You know what I mean?
Imagine if the US
All of the United States
And some of Brazil
Against fucking Russia
The country gets dominion
Over each other
And you're in America and you're like
You better have the best fucking team of killers
And you see a bunch of pencil neck geeks
Get up there and fucking losers
Against their Russian murderers
And you lose
And all of a sudden it's just cold in your country
And there's like smog everywhere
So you're thinking of it on the flip side
I'm going to have a problem
If the president
Whether it's the one we have now
Or Chelsea Clinton wagering
Me being under Russian rule
Over a game of any fucking
Sport
Right? And I'm not playing
I just get to sit at home and watch
And be like oh I don't know any Russian
Grocery shopping is sure going to be
Rough kids
Oh man that's a fumble in the first
Play in the game
And then by the third or fourth
Quarter you're like loading there like
You come in my corner
I'm smoking all you all Russkies
I ain't going down to your shit
I can't help it our tight end dropped his knee
In the second quarter
Let's go
You know what I mean?
Who's going to follow the fucking rules?
The time is Wolverine
Yes
Because that's why real war works
Because a lot of us have died
And got blown up I think we should just learn Russian
Versus watching it on a fucking
Screen
So you're saying from the Hawaiian's point of view
They're fucking real upset
They're just looking at each other going hey may the best man win
They're like aloha
Our situation is pretty dire
Right now isn't it?
Things are not looking good
We had wildfires two years ago
Because it's 2025
So everyone looks wildfires two years ago
And now our independence is being
Decided over a game of
Future sports
And honestly one of our representatives is a white guy with a
Tribal tattoo on his face
He's not a representative he's a terrorist
Of a very
Very campy
Organization
They run out like just
The way they run out
It's Batman 66 style
It's putty
It's basically slapstick
It is basically slapstick
That's basically right
It is basically some slapstick shit
Yeah that was right on that one Mike
Down with sticks and balls while they're
Oh my god it really do
Oh my god that's a good moment
The fucking
You're using the word good moment
But the terrorists come in
Start shooting up
They're real campy
Oh really campy
You got a chick with a
With a eyepatch
On
And she's just like they're ruthless
Like chick or whatever
So then you see
The Pharaoh and his teammates are all there
And they get down low because
Immediately once he sees them he just gets
Vanessa Williams on the ground and she's like alright cool
And then all of a sudden they like wink at each other
Like a lot of pointing in this movie
In fact an entire
Montage dedicated to pointing
Which we'll get to Spider-Man style
But a lot of pointing so they're like
Yeah I got you I got you
They're opening up their hoverboard cases
They're sliding each other their hoverboards
They're like you ready
We can do this way
They're not even talking they're just like
All silent communication
They get up and they just take out these
These fucking terrorists
Throw a future ball at one of their heads
They use a future board
The computer girl
Programs a future board to fly
Around and hit people in the head
Successfully twice before getting
Captured I guess for a second
And then she's fine because they get the terrorists
Because the terrorists eventually like uh oh and they just
Dip dip dip dip
The real cops come in
And they're like oh no
So stupid
I'm so captivated by you
His story
Is so much better
I'm fucking enjoying this movie right now
So fucking much
If somebody would let me direct a cartoon
Version of Future Sport
I would fucking crush this shit
Do you have any more candy while I keep watching this
I'm fucking I'm enthralled by you right now
I just yeah you told such a
Good story right there
His story is so much better than the movie
Oh my god did you see it
So okay so here we so
And then who cares about the love story
It's Vanessa Lowe
I almost fell asleep
That's your specialty
Well there was just no
Once again no reason for them
Hey here's some titties
They were added in though they really were added in
Because this was a TV movie and what we
Watch of it is the version they put out
On DVD not DVD back then
Tape video
So on the video they added those cut scenes in
It was the video voicemail from
His rival after losing the game
Yeah
The best character in the whole movie
Is electronic butler
Yeah that doesn't do shit
Terrible alarm
But really really
Cool companion
Like if you had an AI like that in your house
You'd want to hang out with it
Because he's cool he's like hey you want to hear your messages
Sorry about the loss
What does he say he says like some really poetic thing
When he says hey I lost the match
And he's like did anyone write that down
It was so good
It was not good
It was like that was a good life
Now are you still watching it this hard at this point
I'm going to ad lib it I think he said
Even nights have to kneel every now and then
Like you know something uplifting
And cool like that it wasn't that
But it was old school it was good to hear
I have no idea how you were still paying that much attention by that point
At this point my wife has already gone to meet my
Wife and unfortunately my mother
This is the week she chose to be there too
So my wife and my mother
Both look at me and go
Wait we know Bob we know Andy
And I know last week Bob got
Four weeks or whatever
And she's like
When is Andy actually turning into Bob
Why y'all need to
Give Andy four weeks off
What the fuck
They were so upset by this movie
Other than the jokes we were just making
It's such a bad movie
Again I have to preface this
By saying yes
If we're just going off of
Factual things
Then this is not a good movie
And it has no
Redeeming quality
And everything's bad about it
The third act with the sport game wasn't that bad
Hell yeah when it finally
Future sported
Oh when they future sported it was fun
Did someone write a sport movie about future sport
They did
They got no special benefit from it
Nope
I think you got extra points
That wasn't even the winning game one was it
No it tied the game
Did he pass it for the win
So he had double redemption
He got to ride the lightning
And get that shot off
He's like cool redeemed
And he's like now pass we win
And set the record for assists
What an asshole to be like
I'm going to ride the lightning
The penalty for not passing
Just to know I don't have to pass
And now that I've succeeded
I'll be a nice guy and give you a point
He's the biggest douchebag in the world in this movie
And he wins as a narcissist
Does he win as a narcissist
He doesn't have a character
Wait no hold on
He becomes player coach
Because his coach dies
A mechanical spider that is the
Best CGI you'll ever see in a fucking movie
They went up to some dude
With a computer like hey man
You can make a spider
It's going to look real
It's going to look like a real mechanical spider
He's like listen bro
Sure
And then they hired him for this movie
And it's bad
It's a bad CGI spider
Anyway it just kills the coach
After spying on everybody
It's got the rocky arc built into it that way
Yeah and so then
The Pharaoh
Becomes coach slash player
So he
That's the redemption arc
And his rival becomes his best friend
Oh yeah they become
During a stair running
And then there's Patch Girls in his team now
Yeah Ryan do you don't understand how
Everything's redeemed at the end
Yes everything
I didn't like how closely the team
What are you looking up
I'm looking
CGI spider maybe
I'm thinking because that's what he started
You lost right but I need to tell you
But Ryan you're forgetting the best part
It's the montage
It's a
It's a coaching montage
Not a playing montage
Because he steps up as a coach
So the coach does
He's now coach player and you know how
You know he's serious because they go oh
This is just going to help your popularity
You shut the fuck up I fired my
My popularity firm this morning
And the guy's like oh
Fuck and they all look at each other like he's
For real for real now
And so they all like
We gotta like we love him they start
Calling him coach after that they're like
Alright coach what do you mean he's like
I'll show you it cuts to some music
And every shot is just
Hands it's just
It's just a lot of this
It's just you know Dean K
Looking up talking it's all him
It's just coaching
I'm going to see any of the plays
It's just coaching
At least 11 different
Points and like
Four different shots and just doing this
And then it's just Dean K
Being a giant douchebag
Later obviously Ryan
Later when the team goes and stops
A bunch of terrorists
Because they do that because
Dean K's girlfriend gets kidnapped
On the night of the game
Five hours before the game
The main terrorist J.R.
Born
He says
Hey it's real simple lose the game
Or we kill your girlfriend and he goes
Alright I gotta go guys and one
Guy's yeah alright good good luck
The rest of the team's like we're not going to let you go
By yourself
Why you always gotta be a hot dog
Who says that
The rival best friend
Best friend rival not the goon
We're coming with you
This is one of those movies that if you like bad movies
It's a great bad movie
Yeah
It's so
Unintentionally funny
It's not supposed to be funny
And it is hilarious
I might have I feel like this is
The quickest form of
What is it
When you when you reminisce about
Something
The quickest form of nostalgia I've ever had
I watched this movie last night and already I'm
Fondly thinking about about how
Oh yeah on the movie
Right yeah I'm like thinking like it wasn't that bad
It wasn't that bad
It was it was bad because okay so then you get to that
So after they stop the terrorist
You know they oh one of the players
Gets shot have you ever watched Entourage
Yeah okay
You know the on and off again girlfriend
Of Jesus no
No no no she's like
She's one of the main characters
Who's the character with one name his best
Friend his best best friend his like
Manager agent best friend
Not Ari but
Eric
You have your way too high to channel something
The girl from Entourage
One of the main characters
From Entourage her name is
The actress's name is
Emmanuel
Oh god I'm not
Maybe anyway she gets shot
In the head no in the arm
And he's like
What was the one did anyone catch that
I didn't write it down I was too fucking stoned
But he says something she's oh no she's like
It's alright coach
She looks at him and she's like it's okay
We'll get through
I'm fine coach and I was like
At some point Dario he was like
He was like they're already calling him
Coach like they're already like it's been
One it's been like one montage
They haven't even played a game it's been a couple
Hours but anyway
They go into the final game
And the other team is playing
Way too rough they're like
Abusing the players and instead of our team
Doing it back
They need Wesley Snipes to put on
Full gear come out
And just start beating the shit out of people
You know what would happen to me if you were in Hawaii
Yeah exactly
You know how fucking livid you'd be
You'd be like yes yes yes
Take him to the yes we're gonna be free guys
We still have freedom we're not under their control yet
This is fantastic
Why is the creator playing the game
What's happening in the second
What the fuck is happening
What the fuck is that's playing way harder
Than we were playing now
Because Wesley Snipes just comes out
And straight up just
In the face full
Blood splatter the only real
Door of the whole movie is that
One shot was he says hey
Box three rolls by the end he just
Fucking
Read him as an American on the line and you're watching
A Mortal Kombat tournament and the guys get
His ass open you're like yes
Good play good play a scorpion what is
Ed Boon doing there and Ed Boon walks out
The guy that's grand is like whoopee
And just starts fucking you up
And you're like why is he allowed to play
What happened
It was this guy and this guy
And you can't sub out the creator of the game
When you're losing
You fuck you know
Tasty
He's probably like got god mode and shit you can't
Do anything he knows he invented the game
That was his line after
He cut the guy's face I invented street
Yeah exactly what it is
Hawaii's gotta be
Losing
All of Asia
It's just like glued to their fucking little
TVs if Hawaii wanted North
America alliance to win
Then they were happy when they saw
Wesley Snipes come out maybe
But if you're all of Asia
Then you're like well now we're fucked
Because at that point too the
Pan Pacific Commonwealth
I'm sorry I've been high can I just ask you something
The prize is Hawaii
Oh yeah
So really like
They're just fighting over a vacation
Destination
That's what they are
Imagine you're China you're like
I get to go to Hawaii
Hawaii's gonna be sick this year kids
If we win this game we're going
To Hawaii
Hold on wait first off I think you're
Minimalizing an entire culture of
People that
They don't want to be a vacation
I'm not saying Hawaii has it
Hawaii's not at fault in my thesis
It's a nation of people
I get that I'm just saying if you're China
That's how you feel
They're mitigating I'm not mitigating
Hawaii my hypothetical Chinese Asia
Folk are mitigating Hawaii
And also the hypothetical
North American alliance people
The average person is just like oh shit
If you and I are sitting from inside of our
If you're not in Hawaii
We don't have any fucking buy in this game
We're like we are too poor to go to Hawaii
But we're like ah shit now we can't go to Hawaii
The packs are turned sand-free
And China's like Hawaii
They're all stoked because they can go there
And there's going to be no
Cultural barrier that's going from
Really nice Hawaii to really crazy
I'm trying to remember in the beginning of this movie did they set up Hawaii as something different now though?
No, nothing
I've been to Hawaii it's fucking gorgeous
You know what I mean?
It's worth fighting over
If we were fighting over it
I'd be like I mean like
I love you Kennedy I love Hawaii
But if I lost Hawaii it's expensive to go there anyways
You know what I mean?
As long as they're not gambling
For like the lower west coast of North America
I'm okay with these games
So it's a question of where your board is lying
You know what I mean?
You can play with Maine even
Maybe even like Rhode Island
Or one of the small ones we don't give a shit about
We don't care about that northeast block
You know dependingly
You can even like you wouldn't want to pawn off
Like Florida or Texas because they'll fight back
Really hard
Those would be a high stakes game
Nothing there
Preferably we wouldn't lose anything
We wouldn't lose
Well you can't play the game teams don't go undefeated
You're going to lose something
You think we'd start counting
Puerto Rico as a state if we lost
Hawaii just to keep the flag
At 50 stars
Oh for sure yeah we'd start investing
Large
Omnibus packages
In that country to make it like Hawaii
You know like resorts and concierges
Yeah
This might be the best day for Puerto Rico
Puerto Rico right yeah great
It could be good for Hawaii because maybe the first thing
That the com does
Or that the Pan Pacific
Chokebites on TV
We lost Hawaii no joke
We got a new country
Chelsea Clinton
So we lost Hawaii
Not our best moment
He choked in the fourth
But the com takes over Hawaii
And their first act is they're like hey
We're done colonizing you
You guys now
Have full control
Over your own islands and we're going to take care of you
And we're going to make you back to your own thing
So imagine it's the best thing for Hawaii
And then we adapt Puerto Rico this could be good
It's a win win for everyone
The people that roll future sport might be onto something
Okay but they're gambling people
It's even more arrogant than capitalists
Because you're gambling people's lives
Their whole
Like all of the
Hey you're in Arizona? I'm going to suck
Next month's game looks brutal
You're getting traded
To Korea
They're going to come occupy
You have problems coming
You know what I mean?
And we're just like
You and I are presumably
Let's move to California
California's like ah motherfucker
You got Korea's not to take on
You got enough problems right now
And so I don't think that would last
Because they'd be like hey fuck heads
Win the state's pack and stop gambling them
What do we do?
Find a proxy state
That no one gives a shit about
Maybe Hawaii?
Let's start gambling Hawaii back and forth
That's a real state
That's a state we can pawn off
Because we always have Puerto Rico
Not my best idea
Because you think about it
You would start gambling the minor states
Of all the countries
Oh yeah like let me add China back
You get Jishan Wu
Those are toxic islands
Full of snakes
I am not playing for that country
You know
Russia's a steak island
You're just like Chernobyl
You're just fighting with Chernobyl
You want to imagine
I got TV these assholes
Want to bet Russia against Canada
Really? All the maple syrup in the world
Versus what?
Angry people with no peanut butter
You know what I mean?
You're just like Russia
You want to hate me with no peanut butter
Why is there no peanut butter?
You're just trivializing all of these
I'm going to tell you a true story
My mother when I was growing up
She'd be like yeah Russia is so poor
From the communist
From the ball coming out of the 60s
So poor, they didn't have peanut butter
You can barter peanut butter to these people
It's a true story
And I was young and I'm like
Believing everything right?
You're loving your old man
You start watching documentaries on TV
You see Russia and you're like
You don't think in a year they're showing you
They've never seen a wild peanut
I'm watching Mr. Bean
And then I see the news
And I'm like England looks lovely
Russia always looks like it smells
Like old soup and bullets
You know what I mean?
So I get to high school
I'm in a boarding school
And I'm in a dormitory
What the fuck?
We never discussed you going to a Harry Potter boarding school?
Yeah
So where was this?
It's a place called Mitchell, Oregon
Oh Oregon boarding school
Was it all boys?
No it was chicks too
Hell yeah
How old were you?
I was 14 when I got there
How long were you there?
All through high school 4 years
How many chicks did you bring back to your dorm illegally?
That's a good question
I had no game in high school
I was a kid
I had no game in high school
You're a charismatic guy
I didn't buy into me at that point
I'm not the same guy
I grew up
I started smoking
Got a few fist fights
Got some pussy
It changes a man's character
But when you're buying in
Peanut butter is a form of currency in Russia
And you're wearing sweatpants
And a WWE t-shirt
You're probably not pulling in the pussy as much as you'd like to
I just pictured you right now
In sweats and a WWE t-shirt
Talking about peanut butter in Russia
At high school
Trying to buy a chicken by picking up a chicken meat
And just be near a chicken
Right
It was funny but there's no amount of humor
That'll get you into the picture
I grew into something a little better
You know what I mean?
Let's get back to this boarding school
Did you learn magic?
Are we all models?
I had a few spells
In my back repertoire
Were you the D&D player?
Yes I was
I'm joking
Did you have a group of friends though?
Yeah
That's why he got all the pussy
I think it's time
What is that?
It's a fucking baby Jeter
It's a baby cannon
It's a live resin fuse
Oh nice
So the peanut butter thing
Let me finish this
When did the Hogwarts on me right there
How much pussy I got
Not as much as I wanted
There we go
And Holler
Okay
Continue peanut butter
Russia believe that shit
I'm high
So I was like
That's Russian roommate was fucking scary
His name was Anatoly Moroshov
This took like this
I don't like your fist
Sounds like a Batman movie
I don't fucking like how you stare at me
I'm going to pop you in the fucking
That's like real every day
I watched him my first night get into a fist fight with a girl
She called him Russia
And in Russia you don't call people Russia
It's disrespectful
He fucking chased her out the front door of the dormitory
Over and over because he said I'd kick your ass
He meant that literally
He meant everything literally
Wait your first night with this guy
You sold a beat a chick up
Great
Is he a good friend of yours
Yeah I love the guy, great guy, great dude
But he was like
Hey man I need your help
I need your help with some homework
He goes
What do you give me
And I pulled out some jif
And I started smearing peanut butter
And I go you like that
You like that
This is like
I go this is like money in your country
Ladies and gentlemen right now Ryan is
Pain in my name just spreading
Peanut butter on one of them imagining he's a slice of bread
And he's making eye contact
And he's just slowly spreading
It across the room
Oh is there a triple decker
Element to this? You betcha
And I put another piece on there and I started
Spearing that peanut butter on it
And he goes what the fuck
Are you doing?
And I go
And I go you like
You want some more bread or
I go I know how hard this shit is to get
In Russia it's peanut butter
And he goes oh yeah
For sure
Wake up in the morning and I see
Peanut butter on TV and I'm like
Holy fuck
What is that miracle
There's no
Barely no TV in Russia
No fucking vacuum cleaners
There's no fucking produce
I see tomato and I'm like
Dear god have I died
Today
And I was like I detect sarcasm
And he goes I have
I could eat all your fucking peanut butter
My country's not that
Poor fuckhead
And then he knocked the peanut butter
In sandwich into my face
Sorry Russia
So if you want to gamble your life with those
Psychopaths in future sports
I
The only Russian
Guy I've ever known
Shout out to Toya you're a fucking
Awesome dude if you're looking at Russia
You were the shit back then you're the shit now
How old were you when that happened? 14
I deserve it too it's funny enough
That is hilarious
The only Russian guy I knew was a child
Was a child gangster
He got adopted but he
But he was a from like
Basically is once he could start running
Around robbing people he was robbing people
And then he was beating people up and
Robbing people until he got adopted
And brought out here and he just taught
At a you know not do that shit
He came with a guy
Motherfucker give me money back you know
Like a fucking tablet of god
But yeah he was in one of those child gangs
A roaming child gang
That you would like
We got to review that you got to get right to movie
We're tangening excuse me
Excuse me we're tangening
Excuse me
He lives in needles I was just at the boarding school
We went from my boarding school to like Russian peanut butter
I ran
I ran the gambit of tanging
It's just like how does that happen
What happened to you
You're going from
I don't even
Tell the whole origin story in the first episode
This is like your villain origin
This is great
Well yeah I'm extra high now because of this fucking
Baby cheetah we're passing
This is the fanciest
Fucking joint I can't even
It's got like a
Glass tip or
Like a fancy feminine cigarette
It's either glass or it's fancy plastic
I want to light one of these up in church my friend
Like remember
That's not a church joke
That's a joke about the Victoria's slims
Yeah yeah they used to smoke in church
They had the fancy
Fucking
Was that a commercial that they did
Yes
Like so good you could smoke in church
There was a chick with a Victoria's sling because it was so elegant
There was like
Bold choice my friend
Did not go nobody bought it
Did not roll over
I don't even
I can't
It's basically slapstick
Not taking a joint
Not everything is basically slapstick
Okay so
We really should review this movie
Sorry Mike I'm sorry
Did you have other lines you wrote down
You wrote notes down
Did you bring your notes
How do you make a note for this movie I don't know how he's got anything written down
I have 80 to 40 milligrams of
Oh okay
I'm going to give you the floor if you have any insights you want to point out
Are there any special ones you want to
I thought the acting was terrible
I love the reveal
Of that one girls robot hand
When she took her stuff off
And it was like painted
And she's like going and adding sound effects
Same with that one dudes face
This is like the electric car at the very beginning
The big truck
It's a giant truck and you hear this
And you hear they just add in a sound effect
The choices
Can we acknowledge
Can we acknowledge what camera men
Looks like
I know a man for a news organization
They had surgically
Grafted cameras in their
Heads which again I could see happening
Two years from now
Oh no
So
We are so high
I can't I'm fucking a smoker dude
I can't do no more
Again
We here at Fried Rice Podcast
We don't watch
Super super super
I'm driving for a while
For now
That should all be clean
Well yeah but don't
You're going to save it right
So anyway
Here at Fried Rice Podcast we get really high
And then we lose track
So anyway
Let's rate this our rating system goes from
B to W it goes B being
Better than most B movies
We're talking like you should watch this
We're not rating it against
We're not rating this against Titanic or
Avatar or
Alien or Terminator
Or anything good
Anything James Cameron has ever directed
Or even Miracle Mile
We're grading this against
Other B movies we're grading this against
Like how does this stack up against
Terrifier? How does this stack up against
How does this stack up against Miracle Mile?
How does this stack up against Long Kiss Goodnight?
Right? So I mean like
In our own world we're creating
Only the movies that exist within the Fried Rice
Universe. What my mother asked is why
There's so many good B movies why
Do y'all only watch the bad ones?
That's what my mom said
Why do y'all only watch the bad ones?
I'm going to be perfectly honest
Because Andy's turning into Bob
My rating is
A C minus
The reason being
On our scale or just because
You had
Our scale goes B, C, D
It's like a B in a regular movie
And then we have W for
Wasted time. You don't see a lot of W's
Can I give a movie two ratings?
I have two distinct feelings
On this movie. It's one
It's two movies. This is one movie if you're watching it by yourself
Like I just sat down and watched TV
And this movie came out and I gotta watch it. That would fucking suck
That would make this a W
But I sat and watched it with my
Wife and mother and we made fun of it so we had
Fun watching it
Even though it's a horrible fucking movie
So you're saying a solo watch and a group watch
It's totally different. This movie has
Two totally different vibes. As a solo watch this movie
Would be, I would shoot myself if I had to watch this
But
As a group watch it's a fucking B
It's a great
It's the perfect
Mystery, it's the
It's the perfect film. It's that kind of movie
So you should split the difference then
That's what I'm asking. How do I rate it?
Okay so if you have two ratings you have like a B here
And a D here. I'll be in a W
I have like a W. So then it would be like
You really see this as a W on a solo
Watch? Dude the acting in this is so
Everything about it is so bad. What did you think
On a solo watch? So I watched it solo but
Not if you were watching it because you
Had to. No I watched it with the intent
I watched it with the intent to talk about it
I knew I wasn't the only one that didn't enjoy this movie
But there were aspects of it I did enjoy
I enjoyed the sport a little bit
Oh I could see making another movie would be great
They thought Dean Cain was going to make a sequel
He was going to make a sequel
Oh no shit! He was getting a lie about that?
Fuck me man
He was thinking about making a sequel
The original act. Two whites!
We got to, we got wagered out for the first film
Because ripping off roller ball wasn't enough
They needed to rip off roller ball too
Where's the trivia on this bitch?
I doubt there is a D
I give it a D
Between the two that's what I land on is a D
Honestly I had a lot of fun watching it
But I was watching it with the intent of it being a joke
Because it was a joke. The whole movie is a fucking joke
Wait wait wait I'm going to read the IMDB trivia
The lead actor started a company designed to bring the game of future sport to the 1999 Christmas market
Oh like a video game I'm assuming
The actual game of future sport
Oh my god I hope it's the actual game
Dean Cain talked about making a sequel with the original cast
Dean Cain suffered from severe chronophobia during the film
What the fuck is that? I don't even know what that is
I'm afraid of time
Is it afraid of time? You're absolutely right
Fear of time that's amazing
Oh my god
That was amazing but it also just triggered something in me
I probably have chronophobia
Andy you have a lot of chronophobia
I have a lot of phobias man
But chronophobia is definitely one of them
Dean Cain who portrayed Superman in Lois and Clark the New Adventures of Superman 1993-97
Says the line for truth, justice and the North American way
That is a play on the famous Superman line for truth, justice and the American way
In case you didn't catch that
Often confused with actress Vanessa Williams
Wesley Snipes had made films with both
I thought that
I thought that was a weird one
That's not the Vanessa Williams
What the fuck? I don't know
This film takes place in 2025
Michaela Jay's debut
Someone else's debut
And then
Somebody with somebody stunt double in another movie
That's a low and trivia
Is that trivia?
This was John F. Cubs first movie
The John F. Cubs
Wow
He went on to star in such things as The Canceled Future Sport 2
Exactly
The Canceled Future Sport reboot TV show
He's the star
But I think they could bring Future Sport back
Do you know who needs to direct Future Sport?
Quentin Tarantino needs to direct Future Sport
That's a different movie
That's a movie that would be the best fucking movie ever
To get these cats right
They could wager your entire country
So why isn't Bruce Willis doing that?
You know what I mean? They're fucking cool
Isn't that almost a plot of Kill Bill?
Michael Madsen has to be the coach
I don't know
I mean Quentin Tarantino could
I think he could take this to run with it
I almost want the director to get full $100 million budget
Same actors come back
And I want a real company to back it
And be like, hey, we're going to make Future Sport dope
Okay, okay, okay
Do you want a director that's the opposite of that genre?
Or do you want the guy that did the fucking Blade Runner?
U-Bow
No, not U-E-Bow
It's not a video game movie, Mike
I'm never going to watch a U-E-Bow movie on this podcast
That's a bane right there
You've watched Worst
You've watched much worse
Oh, God, we just did
I won't watch one of his movies
I went to the theaters once and watched one of his movies unknowingly
I watched Blood Rain
Blood Rain
That's a great movie
I saw my buddy Tomas
Shout out Tomas
You don't even listen to these
I think I might recommend Blood Rain now
Jeez, that's a great movie
It is
Mike
I was giving you a hard time today
And you know I was going to vote with you whenever you decided to be nice
But I don't know if I could follow my code of honor
These don't make me choose
Mike, it almost sounds like you don't vote from the heart
It sounds like you strategically vote
I do
No, we just already know what kind of crap you're going to bring up
I'm not voting this round because I knew the future sport was going to piss some people off
So I was like, hey, we went down a rabbit hole last week
I sort of strong-armed you guys into watching it
So I decided to just step off this one and let you guys recommend something
I hope all three of you have something
Anyway, I give it a C-
You give it a D
I guess I'd be a D if I averaged D
So we'll go with D-
What about the one that hasn't seen it? What do you give it?
Well, okay, based on what I know
Based on what you know
Based on what I know, the trivia and the trailer
That fucking trailer, man
There was another clip underneath the trailer
It was like a summed up Leslie Snipes snippet
That was pretty funny
Okay
Can I see that?
I just want you to see a picture of it
Of a D.K. in a hoverboard
It's pretty good
They did not have a lot of production stills
That's about it
Oh my God
This is so fucking bad
Yeah, it's very bad
Future sport video? This one? No
That's the whole movie just sitting there
It was...
Riveting stuff, people
I take back the holler earlier to anybody I-
I don't see it
If you're abroad, please don't ever
I hated you
This is...
Well
Anyway
Fucking broads
This is...
I have spikes
He's about to ride the lightning
There's Xanax, guys
Yep, that was it
That's the whole movie
Alright, after I saw that
You saw that
It's called the...
Leslie Snipes Future Sport
In a 10 year...
Awful movie review
Alright
Are we gonna do that too?
Simulink
Okay
Well, I mean it
Boy, for having a non-video element
This is riveting
Yeah, wait, hold on
I'm gonna watch that later
Okay
But yeah, after seeing that YouTube short
Of what Future Sport looks like
What we're gonna give you a valid criticism
What do you think?
Based on my love of it
And then their critical reticence
Yeah, well, yeah, it wasn't...
I'm gonna give it just a C-flat
Because then I'm gonna tell you why
If I may
You guys all spoke about it very fondly
Despite the criticisms
Yeah
Right?
And based on the very limited clips I've seen of this
It reminds me of some of my favorite
Much better made movies
Of the same ilk
Like, to me, a much, much, much better version
Of this movie is Starship Troopers
Yes
And the way it's shot
And then how it is, you know what I mean?
That's fucking cool
I mean, not the same plot or nothing at all
That's quite even
The same style
It's a nightmare
No, Starship Troopers is a good thing
Yeah, no, but it's like
See what I'm saying?
So I do
And I know it's in that ilk of that vein
I also grew up in the sci-fi
The sci-fi channel generation
Where they were bringing their own originals to it
Would you like to know more?
Yeah
Or like the Dune series
With a very young...
Can't think of the guy's name from Split
Wanted
I'm so sorry
He's Xavier
Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's his name?
Macarone
James Macarone
James...
Macarone
That's the tennis player
James McAvery?
It's something along those lines
McAvoy
No, McAvoy
I think it's James Mc...
Macarone
McAvery
Oh my God, dude
How do we not know this?
What's so weird this movie, though?
It's like...
How do we not know this shit?
How do I...
What would I type in?
X-Men?
Yeah
X-Men
This is all for a Dune thing
This is such a tangent, guys
Hold on, hold on
Damn it, don't make me get a little triple H
X-Men for James McAvoy
Yeah
It's McAvoy
I was right
McAvoy
Oh, wow, I thought someone else went tennis
McAvoy, I read it wrong
Yeah, so
The way he spaces it
He was in a shitty Dune sci-fi series
It was actually kind of cool
Yeah
Son of Dune
Where he gets...
I never watched it
I read the first Dune book recently
Yeah, no, but it's like...
Basically, there was a sci-fi series
And then I'm like
I think...
I can't remember when that came out
There were a lot of bands
But like early 2000s
But it was like
Off of the...
You know the Dune Wolf Part 2 that's coming out now?
It's the sequel to that
In the storyline from the books
And they made a fucking sci-fi show of it
Sure
With him as the star
I think I've seen him in the costume
It's a pretty insane looking costume, is it not?
Yeah, it's fucking...
I mean, that's a better version of what Future Sport was
Right
Right?
So when I see it
And I see people speak fondly of it
I know what you're seeing that's good
I also see what's fucking really awful
Really awful, right?
Right?
Like you almost...
It's such a cool concept
Where if it was just given a little bit more budget
It'd be a B movie instead of a C movie
Yes
Which is what I literally will give it as the result
Okay
It's a fucking...
It's a C, right?
It's not...
I see it as a group
As you say, as a movie
You can watch as a group
I also see it as the pile of steamy shit that it is
So, you know, middle of the road
Definitely not the most offensive thing
That has been forced upon people by this podcast
Oh, no
Not even close
But not offensive, but just as bad
That's what I'm saying about it
It's such a great movie in that way
It's so fun to make fun of
Yes
Like when he's getting the fake electrocution
He's acting on it
It's so fucking bad
And so anti-climatic
He's trying to ride the lightning
It's so hilarious
And now I can't...
He's spilling it
Yeah
Yeah, his fall was creepy
He's not even skating quickly
He's like skating slowly
And he's kind of went backwards
His fall
And you could tell it's just somebody on screen
Pushing him into that frame
It's like so bad
His skateboarding skill was not there
No
So anyway, we're going to average it out to a...
Now that you've made it a C
I guess we're going to be a C-
C- probably, yeah
And I think that's a very fair review
So Future Sport gets a C-
Perfect
We'll put...
We're going to put a stamp on that then I guess
I've never said that as an ending thing to a movie section
To a movie section
But you know what?
That was me simulating stamping something
It's been stamped
We move on
It's now part four
Let me get some backup music
Time for some bullshit
The next segment that we do
We just talk about I guess anything
But let's talk about your...
It's not time for some bullshit yet
Because we didn't do the movie
For next week
We're going to save that to the end?
You're going to do that at the end?
Nah, fuck it, let's do it now
Pull up your movies
Do you have one yet, Ryan?
Well, I know I'm not going to be here for next week
So I'm reluctant to post one
Knowing I won't be able to talk about it
And I have some really good ones
And I'm always torn because I listen to the pod
Especially when I'm not on it
And you guys are reviewing one of my movies
Makes me happy
But I can't be there
Yeah, yeah
So I think I'm just going to vote this week
I can pitch one
I'll tell you what
I'll find one of my lesser ones
Maybe I should bring something to the table
Just in case
Because you know where I'm going
There's no doubt where I'm going
For anyone at home
Mike has been on a fucking...
It's the winter of cage
Nick Cage movies for every single recommendation
I do like Nick Cage movies
And nothing but Nick Cage movies
I'm going to literally...
For the winter
Okay
Because there's so many to choose from
Because it's all Tubi
Is Pluto and Sling a...
Nope, only Tubi
We've had this discussion
Only Tubi
Nothing else
Only Tubi
We've tried because I tried so hard last week
Until the other two not work or something
I'm just asking
No, it's just because we want to...
I don't know
I talked to... Andy's in charge
I don't know
It's just Tubi
Okay, that's it
Because...
But hey, hey, but listen
Andy's addicted
Then I have nothing to recommend
Really?
I will recommend something
But it won't be something I want to see
Because I don't think there's anything on there
I would actually want to see
Oh, I don't know
There's a lot of good movies
Look right now
At this Leaving Soonness
We've got Little Nicky, Death Proof,
Cabin in the Woods, Evil Dead 2
Be very careful with Leaving Soon
No, because sometimes they mean tomorrow
Oh, yeah
Yeah
I'm not going to go to the Leaving Soon section
I'm not
But here's mine
It's Inconceivable
Nick Cage, Gina Gershwin, Faye Dunaway
Let me pull it up
2017
It's just a movie
It's a Nick Cage movie
I haven't seen it
You can't just say it's just a movie
After a family offers shelter to a young runaway mother
She becomes obsessed with becoming part of their family dynamic
It's Nick Cage
It looks broken
Bryce
And some crazy chick apparently
That one made me feel more comfortable than my kindergarten teacher
I just didn't want to do another sci-fi back to back
So I was looking for something that wasn't sci-fi
Okay
So that sounds like just a straight up drama
Just a straight up drama
It's just a straight up drama starring Nick Cage
I think a thriller drama
It's you know, put a rabbit on the pot drama bullshit movie it looks like
I don't know, I haven't seen it
I don't know what those words mean together
You don't?
Put a rabbit on the pot
Oh, you don't?
That's a famous scene from a famous movie, Andy
I don't know
Andy, how do you not know?
What movie is it from, Ryan?
What movie?
I don't know
Exactly
A rabbit on the stove?
No, I don't know
No?
What movie?
Just tell us the movie
I don't remember now
Oh, come on
You can't give me shit
I could describe the movie to you but I can't give you the name of the movie
Describe it to a little bit
Okay, there's this chick and she moves in with a family
And she's like being adopted or whatever it turns out
She's not and then she falls in love with the dad
And then she starts torturing the mom
Making her think she's crazy
And at one point they take their pet rabbit
She takes their pet rabbit
It does sound familiar
And falls it on the stove
It's like a Stephen King movie, I think, actually
It's such a...
It sounds familiar
I think it's like one of those...
That's why it's so forgettable
It's like one of those Stephen King movies
But it was iconic for a while in the 80s
I got you
You didn't want to watch Mandy
I'm just curious
No, seriously
I was trying to stay away from horror
I was trying to stay away from things we've been doing
Because if you're going to do The Winter of Cage
It's on my list
Because Mandy looks fucking dope
It does look dope
I've tried this but I'm trying to keep it separate
So every week isn't horror, every week isn't sci-fi
So you got to throw other things, thrillers
Okay, I'm going to recommend Donnie Darko
It's not necessarily a underrated or B movie
Yeah, you're not right
It's not really anything everybody hasn't already seen
You know what, then fuck it
I'm going to keep looking
Brendan, what's yours?
Mine is A Scanner Darkly
Okay
That's also a good movie
Yeah
Is that the one where they...
Let's get right back into Blood Boots
Is that the animated one?
The animated one, 2006
The drug psychosis kind of drama
Yeah
Cop drama, I guess
With Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr.
Yeah, it's intense
That's a good one
It's intense, yeah
That's an intense movie
It's a lot to talk about
Yeah
Okay, alright
And then Ryan
If you're going drama route
If you're going drama route, which I guess we are
You know, that's more thriller drama I think
Thriller drama
Oh, I know exactly what I'm going to watch
I've never seen it
And Dario's recommended a thousand fucking times
What's that?
Train to Busan
It's a zombie...
That's on there?
It's a zombie, yeah
It's right there
It's a zombie horror movie
And apparently it's one of the best horror movies
Back to horror, right, yeah
It's like, I'm not even usually typically the one that does
But I know that...
No, I've heard that movie's a bit of a tough one
The next couple of weeks
I'm guessing we should ramp up and do some holiday movies
Because these are going to be releasing closer to Christmas
And Thanksgiving and stuff like that
So this might be the last time before
That's my suggestion
So I got Train to Busan
We have Inconceivable
We have Scanner Darkly
And then Ryan, throw yours into the mix
There's some good ones
Actually, I kind of undershot this
There's some good ones on there
Yeah, there's a lot of good shit on there too, bro
Yeah, Tootie's got some good stuff
Pop-up, I mean, I'm looking at right now
The thing from...
Memento
Oh shit, that's a good one
That's a good movie, too
Battle Royale
You know, okay, so
Has anybody seen, have any of you guys seen
The Kurt Russell thing?
I tried watching it
We're talking about the original The Thing
Not the, no, not the 1950s
Kurt Russell
The one that's the first
Yeah, it starts with the dog running through the snow
Yeah, that's in color, right?
Yeah
Yeah, Kurt Russell's The Thing
Yeah, yeah, yeah
So I tried, I started watching it
That'll be my pitch
Oh, okay, that's a good one
Because if you haven't seen it
It's...
Oh man, it's one of Kurt Russell's best films
And I know, I do agree
That we need to get out of the horror aspect
Because it is either horror
Yeah, why?
We are falling into a, it's like
But the thing is, I will say
A super highly rated horror movie
That everyone talks about constantly
As being one of the best movies of all time
The Thing?
Yeah, Kurt Russell's The Thing
Is pretty fantastic of a movie
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And even if it goes to Tooby
The sequel they made
Is it on Tooby?
Yeah
Okay, you found it right there?
Yeah
Okay
Because you know what they added?
They added malignant
So, but I'm not going to recommend that today though
No
I'm not recommending that today
Because I won't be here
To talk about it
Is it ever going to get fucking recommended?
Oh, it will
And it's going to
And I'm going to bring food that day
I'm going to make a party out of it
Because I've been recommending that since episode one
Yeah
And I've been somewhere really shit on
By a little old man that's not here anymore
Bob, I fucking win
Malignant's mine
So what we should do is
Next week we should do malignant
When he's not here
No, I'm not suggesting it
I'm going to recommend
I'll suggest it next week
If you say you're going to come the following week
It might be worth doing that
Yeah
What do you mean?
For you to be
For it to be the movie that we talk about
The one the following week
We might do it
If we know you're going to be here the following week
Like you said you won't be here next week
But if we knew you were going to be here the following week
We'll figure all this out
This isn't interesting podcasting
Let's take a vote
I'm voting for
Kurt Russell's The Thing
There we go
Well then you win
That's because there's two
No
Because if Brennan likes yours better
Or if you like Brennan's better
I'm going to do
Well I like Michael's just because
To stay with the horror
I'm going to stay with Inconsistent
Well then you should go with his
I haven't seen either one of those
We should leave it up to Brennan then
So if you're going with Brandon
I'm going with Brian
Yeah
Well let the guest decide
Well it's not a guest
It's either your movie or
Or your movie
It's one of you two
And you just say
No it'd be Brennan's or
Wait
That's Brennan's or
What are you going to say?
Well that's Brennan's
That's Brennan's
That's Brennan's or
The thing
Okay yeah
Well you said
You changed yours to the thing
So whatever
It doesn't matter
Right now it's two to
Yeah one
There's always something I haven't seen
That'll do the thing
Okay
Give it a shot
Alright there we go
So
It'll probably be our last horror for a while
Because we need to kind of go to
Lighter for Christmas
Unless we want to really
You know
No I agree
This is a decoration right now
This is going to be the final horror movie for
A minute
Per se
I don't know how long
But fuck it
We're going to do one or two more
So from now on
Pick holiday themed movies
Or well
It doesn't have to all be holiday
I want it to
Take place during Christmas
For seven or eight weeks
You know
Wait not seven or eight weeks
Wait maybe
Yeah if your Thanksgiving through Christmas
Is six or seven weeks
Yeah and I fucking hate holiday movies
It's a long time
To do all holiday
You can do action
You can do thriller
You can do whatever
But you don't have to do all holiday
I have like one
That I recommend
I want to have a couple episodes
Of holiday movies though
Yeah
I want to have a couple episodes
Of holiday movies though
Are we trying to find holiday B movies?
That's
Yeah
That's the best
Yeah but you're also not allowed to do
That's probably like a good movie
That's all holiday movies are B movies
They run holiday movies
It's not a B movie
Even the best holiday movie of all time is Die Hard
I give a fuck what anyone says
Okay
And that's arguably not really a B movie
No but it still fits our criteria
Do you understand?
So like
Thank you
I disagree wholeheartedly
Thank you
Die Hard still fits our criteria
It doesn't matter
I wholeheartedly disagree with you
We're going to do a wholeheartedly
Wholeheartedly
I disagree with you
I think there are some solid fucking Christmas movies out there
And holiday movies
You don't think Die Hard is one of them?
In fact
Are the best?
No I'm not
I don't give a shit about how he feels about Die Hard
I'm talking about
Wow
He's saying
He's saying that
That nobody
That there's no other
That there's no other good Christmas movies
Absolutely not
Right here the night before
This is a great one
Seth Rogen
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
And Anthony Mackie
Oh I wonder if there's
I wonder what kind of high jinks are in that movie
You're saying that's a good movie?
Absolutely
Have you never seen it?
No I've never seen it
Well yeah why you shitting on it already
Home Alone is a great movie
Home Alone is a good Christmas movie
Home Alone
Dude the night before is a great movie
No
Super good
I would give it Ws
I just buy the cover
It looks like a Home Alone ripoff
Is it not?
It's not
Oh my god you guys are really going hard at this movie
You guys have nothing about
It is about
I'm basing it on the cover
No
It's just
Joseph Gordon
I'm just doing it to be a cut
Yeah
Joseph Gordon
I'm not even going to explain the plot
But basically it's a bunch of fucking
Friends trying to move on with their lives and also celebrate tradition
Nicholas Cage man
That looks solid
I've never seen that one
That looks fucking good
Yeah he doesn't recommend Nicholas Cage
You know what the problem I have with Mike is that I fucking dig Nicholas Cage
I watched Face Off and I haven't seen that in like 18 years
So good
It was so good I almost wrote a fucking comedy bit about it
Right?
That is the funniest fucking movie I have seen from a directorial point of view
I know we're not going to be able to see it
A directorial point of view I know we're not I'm sorry that's going to be like jump off
Face Off
It's pretty funny though
Because the whole movie the whole it's guy shoots his kid and then they're like you want
to wear the face of the guy that murdered your son
Right?
I'll do it
And he's like son of a bitch there's only one way to get this guy and that's wear his
face and go to prison and convince his brother to tell me where the bomb is
I'm going to take his face off
Face off
And then like
Face off
And then like Nicholas Cage like every time his eyes got like haaa I got all fucking like
huge and crazy was fucking nuts
Let's go to prison with gravity boots
Yeah
Maggot boots
But my favorite part my favorite part is like Nicholas Cage is like he gets the revealing
of the bomb right or you know well yeah it's Cage but it's really Travolta's character
right
Yeah
And he's like he doesn't go if I had given the bomb I'd be like thanks Pollux let's go
get some grub
Right?
I wouldn't look at him and go you fucking waste of space fucking idiot
I got exactly what I fucking needed from you
Yeah just gave up the fucking gave it ghost up
Thanks bro hey thanks brother I love you
Yeah
Of course you didn't share this with anybody
Yeah you've been your sociopath schizophrenic and you've been suspicious you know how crazy
Every now and then you just slap your brother and be like ha ha just to show him your crazy
You know how insane you'd have to be to see your brother and go that's someone else's
face on his face right because they're like he'll be suspicious you have his god damn
face welded onto your fucking body
I think
There's no way he's so schizophrenic he thinks you're John Travolta wearing his face
He's like hold on how does that scene end with the brother does he go like
No
Oh yeah no no no no no no no
Does he just accept it?
Some shit happens I think yeah he gets fucking uh Nicholas Cage gets fucked up right by
somebody for something and uh Pollock's the next scene where he's leaving is Pollock's
just gets out of prison because now fucking Cage is at Travolta's body and he's like
Bye bro
Because he already seen on the joke and Nicholas Cage is like wait where you going hey hey
it's like the saddest thing right because like his whole grand plan is just coming apart
not halfway into the film not near the end right at the god damn beginning their whole
government plan of infiltration beginning has just went to complete shit if you've never
watched hold on if you've never watched that movie you know he invades he's Nicholas Cage
with Pollock's for a while they disarm the bomb he right you know what I mean like this
movie's more about that now they wouldn't be like Nicholas Cage will wake up out of
the turbine-caused coma and then steal John Travolta's face and then take your life over
and then after he does right see this for the view of Nicholas Cage you know Travolta's
character the guy just walked in he's like bye shithead and he's like wait where you
going oh this isn't coming to Rebels is it and then they're like you gotta visit her
fuck-knuckle and he walks out there and it's your body walks in and he's like I'm gonna
fuck your wife but I'm gonna go home and fuck your lonely sad sonless little housewife
you know why she's sad cuz I kept your kid when I shot you in the back at barely heart
level for some fucking reason and it hit him and I'll give a shit you know why cuz I'm
gonna see you live put that's not what it says but wait and then he escapes right he
gets out gets out goes to us and then fucking shows up at Nicholas Cage's you know pad does
not does not fuck her doesn't even try to fuck her right and if that had been me and
that had been me that said that to me last time I saw me to go home to fuck my wife or
his bra whatever it is at that point I am doing anal on your old lady I'm going ass
to mouth I am getting it back for me yeah right when I told my wife that I go I'd be
getting vengeance like a motherfucker and she goes he's a bad guy castor Troy doesn't care
if you fuck his girlfriend I go no for me I'm trying to get it back for me not getting
it back you're the one that just fucked Nicholas Cage right you couldn't tell you couldn't
dick size difference that's the thing she's so then so then Nick Cave or John Travolta
is like finally goes through all the trials and tribulations and and has the goal to sneak
into the house as the man that shot her kid and tell her there's a blood difference there's
a blood difference get it and then she does right and then he meets her at the hospital
and he's like wounded as fuck and this isn't and he's like he's like I knew you'd come
back here I knew you'd show up and she's all like how is this possible I did a mission
right took his face to become him he got my face and he's been your husband is the whole
thing it's been a bit and then she goes she doesn't she does not say she does not say
what the fuck were you thinking I fucked that no way she didn't say what the fuck were you
thinking I don't even understand this you said it was over and you promised me you'd
be home and then your next thing is just take his face and you come in that seemed like
a logical jump between what you told me and what you did she didn't say that at the slightest
bit she didn't even say it's you just switched faces I knew there was something weird when
you came home and you were circumcised and your cock had four inches on it and it was
girthy and you face fucked me for 23 minutes which you've never normally done and you kept
saying there's for me bitch that's me I try to get you bitch I'm the bad guy I'm the
bad guy relax your throat relax your throat put your balls in right no she didn't even
say that she goes you know we've been together as husband and wife for nearly a week now
and she says it all like you don't understand what he's done to me right like I didn't see
this coming at all despite the probable beforehand facts she and Nicholas Cage best acted scene
of his life because his reaction is what every normal guy's reaction would be that is the
best Nick Cage is the actor of our time I say that all the time I thought of you you
motherfucker I thought of you and I go this is the shit this is why I vote for Mike's
dumb fucking because I am full in on Nicholas Cage because he makes that movie right and
I could keep going it gets somehow only more absurd from there it doesn't matter but it
doesn't matter but we're not doing it because right now I just wrote down what I just wrote
down is this episode is going to be called review of future sport and face off kind of
what's the WWF what you said you have these intrusive thoughts are like bricks yeah the
wall in your mind I'll let you have I've sat on that whole thing for a week now and I was
like I got to get to the podcast I have a tangent for once about Nick Cage it's been
I was saying that people at work just like that like I'd stumbled across some fucking
some some huge nugget of like did you realize in that movie like worst part of that whole
thing is that they just take Nicholas Cage's kid at the end oh yeah he's like you might
have fucked my wife but I got your son now motherfucker I'm gonna raise your kid I took
you took one of my you took him pawn one got taken off the table you took your pawn you
put this whole cuck situation in my head now in such a way that like is no one else picturing
the the the porno parody of this like version of it you know we do it where we're exactly
what it is it's John Travolta's character sucks at sex he leaves and then with Nick
Cage's character it's a big black dude but he's wearing John Travolta's face and he comes
in and just rails her we've been together in a marital way for a while can I get a where's
the lighter who took it motherfuckers lighter it's in my pocket I guarantee I'm so high
and I have a yeah I have a do it please don't take it it's a bad habit it's a bad habit
I'm sorry it's one of so it's cigarettes yeah when you smoke yeah yeah because everybody
would take you get this weird thing where you're like if you don't call for a back it's
mine because everybody would take mine to you you handed somebody and they light it
and your first instinct is a smoker from smoking by yourself all the time just put your pocket
your lighter back I'm not gonna point fingers but somebody is leaning way too far back when
they're hitting this it needs to stay straight up the more you lean it back the more this
fills up with water so this water in your mouth everyone's about to have on this next
pool that's somebody's fault I'm not gonna I'm just saying it could be any of you wow
I didn't I wasn't aware I just came in the fucking Nazi apartment named Andy dude just
absolutely you just now realize that he's a bomb Nazi bro I don't think the bomb Nazis
are right that's the term I'm inventing I don't want to be referred to that you're the
bomb Nazi now please don't call me a Bonzi the bomb or a not Zong well the Bonzi sounds
like I would I'd walk into a into a into a diner kind of put money into a jukebox press
the song I want to specifically listen to sit down get high order order some poutine
fries and then go hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey
don't be like us don't be like us we just made up Bonzi and all of his fucking rules
because we're high yeah yeah he has no affiliations to be in a Nazi by the way that was just a
fun play on words that we turned into something else but Andy is a bomb I'm a little bit
strict but it's just like no one wants water in the mouth but it's not only about the bomb
yeah don't put your fucking forearm in his middle console so let's get let me I want
to point oh I have a bird poem oh yeah let's hear your bird poem ladies and gentlemen Burt's
here with us as always is is is Burt's the original is dead for all we know I mean he's
gone I mean I hope he's not dead Bob Bob had to leave and now there's just Burt Bob left
Burt is in his place Polarski thank you very much Andy and I appreciate you very much until
I do something you do I don't like and then I will tell you what you do that I do not
like okay I understand okay thank you very much you got a poem for us and it's about
all right yeah hello everyone it's me Burt I am doing a poem because I am hurt although
I am a good person and a humanitarian I know that we all miss our favorite octogenarian
so this is it and this is how it has to be I'm doing a poem for the old man Bob Polarski
he came into the group shy and crude he left us the same way just a little bit more rude
I remember how fondly Bob was always handy or how he'd fat shame Ryan for eating all
the candy on the best of days he supplied weed and covered his bases on the worst of
days let me start over Bob on the best of days he supplied weed and covered his bases
on the worst of days he tried to fist fight Ryan and would accidentally be racist I hope
he does well in his retirement with his riches I'll miss how he stared at Andy thinking his
young self was always a bitches it was an honor to have Bob with us and have known him
now I will steal his fucking bit and Ryan will Ryan will write the poems so smoke some
green try not to be mean we miss that you are gone it feels so so wrong I wish you the
best I finally won bitch it's only Burke that's left it was a it was a Chinese limerick it
was allowed to skip pick stanzas Andy that was great that you know that that's what that
was okay that was so good thank you I wish we still had an impromptu because you would
have killed at one of those like rapping games are you supposed to rhyme thank you so much
oh yeah you got to see me freestyle shit face that was so let's talk about the Halloween
party yeah how long have we gone on this episode it doesn't matter doesn't matter okay tell
me about the Halloween party well you were there well I came late so I I Ryan hit me
up it was already super late and I felt bad that it was already super late but then I
when I got there he was all boo boo he was a boo boo Andy he was like what I'm sorry
the bear I'm sorry I'm not in a good his space Ryan all the Beatles all the Beatles are so
sad oh and I said hey yeah he's not far off I mean I didn't know that I in my head it
was a Beatles accent until now you don't understand like I'm just so sad all the time I did I
did it honestly could have been that night yeah I did go down a Beatles rabbit hole I
watched I bet I watched somebody talk about all of their movies that they're so sad and
you were so Marous Maros thank you sorry and then you were in the bear costume Marous
and the beetle and I didn't wear the bear costume no he showed up he showed up a little
late and I this year so my company that I used to work for Pat used to have ballin parties
like you know Christmas parties and shit and they haven't had some lately so what I decided
to do is take it into my own hands and I threw a yearly party Halloween fest 2023 there'll
be another one next year we're already planning it right now we're already setting aside money
for it I spent like close to a thousand dollars on decorations and shit like that I'm really
not proud to say but I've been bothered by my wife and son for years to decorate this
fucking place and I don't want to because it's so much work and I hate working so when
you when you put it on like that like factually it makes me almost sound a little disrespectful
for not showing up earlier no no it's okay I just was happy to have you there to be honest
that's okay because I knew you were I knew you were sad it Sandy that's sad Andy no that's
not sad me okay so Sandy right sad me sad me so sad me shows up what he shows up a little
late and but he was 30 but he was like he looked like a you know he looked he was like
a star writer you know like her a pizza delivery guy one of the two okay he had he was date
night Andy he had the hat backwards which was really interesting you had your you had
a hat on backwards was there a different Andy there because he looks so confused no I bought
a 98 cent mask at Walmart it was a oh no that was you that was what you had on top of your
head you didn't have your hat back with your mask was sorry I was there was so much pot
at that part yeah and then we told the mask it was cool I figured out a way to get the
mask underneath the hat so that it looked like I was wearing the mask with the hat on
doesn't matter oh yeah you did have a fucking hat yeah you motherfucker he did he was there
was date night Andy so there he is with the I don't know what that's for the record I
don't know what date night Andy is he's a hockey mask yeah yeah it's like Michael Scott
and he puts the bra on oh god it was like date night Andy he was like I'm just fine
because he wore his podcast shirt yeah you know he showed up in that area I bought that
a giant fucking werewolf animatronic that I didn't need in a fog machine and I brought
all the alcohol I could find I have a big bottle of vodka in my freezer oh yeah that
I am never gonna drink yeah thank you for yeah no I'm thank you for taking you out
of my house you're handing out alcohol so that's how the party goes so I the party that
party was ending I got to the word the dregs of everybody at the end and I and I the dregs
those were great people by of course they are that shit went to almost one in the morning
it was great yeah but it was still the dregs of the party you know what I mean like the
last the last the end yeah the last one like the the last people the survivors dregs sounds
bad you're like sounds like poor English people like please sir can I have a coin yeah well
I mean maybe it's last maybe that is what it means yeah maybe I meant it then yeah fuck
it you're all dregs of society yeah we did a so I handed out gift cards as prizes for
best costume you didn't win you did not win but hey next year bigger prizes bigger games
which we got to play stump I bought I had the shout out to Jenna hood who provided me
with the stump to get a stump for hammer schlagen it's hard yeah hundred and fifty bucks hundred
eighty bucks for the kit they'll give you a kit and I was like I gotta get I was like
you know to be like I gotta get the kit I have to have the hammer schlagen kit for us
to play hammer schlagen and I have to have it you know I mean when you get all like ten
when you're like look at it's a fish it's honey it's the official stamp it's the official
one it's a big game right it's kind of like a line of pet rock isn't it perfectly cut
long oh yeah it's like beautiful and then I thought different colors and then hit me
this is hammering nails into a fucking wooden stump yeah I used to wait I used to live
in the forest I could find a thousand of these fucking things why are they so expensive so
my friend I started asking around my friend Jenna's like my dad has like a quart of wood
should I go get you a stump and I'm like yeah yeah that'll save me a hundred and eighty
dollars it's weird to have a chunk of wood delivered your ass is going spiderwebs and
shit you're like what a lifesaver you know so we set that up and then we got to play
this really fun game I got killed literally and figuratively with the whole the alcohol
poisoning I felt the following day well how much you drank yeah oh the raucous shits were
legit we played a really fun game called what was it Mike Myers yeah thank you Dario shout
out to Dario for bringing he found it on the Dario found on tik tok or something and he
brought it to the party it was really fun it's where and I got to play it and I I won
both times you know the first time it was eerie so yeah can I break down the rules and
how it went sure so someone dresses up as Michael Myers and starts at the gate of my
house that was Ryan and then they walk towards in a in a menacing speed towards the person
at the door and the person at the door has a huge key ring full of keys and you have
to try until you find the right key so unbeknownst to Andy I had left a small marker on the
key so I knew which one it was in case I had to play I could cheat and get in wouldn't
have to drink and my mother-in-law set the keys up she saw the sticker on there and she
goes well that'd be crazy to leave on there what if someone knows what that is and she
ripped it off so my cheating device got fucking robbed yeah and then so it goes to him and
we play the Michael Myers music I'm good yeah no it's not the fuck up we play the Michael
Myers music and this motherfucker goes clink and gets in the house well so the first time
the door was unlocked so the first round we played I walked up the door and it was unlocked
so I walked in like what behind me and I locked it and I was like cool I win I went I went
I went I thought about the one we played after that the one afterward the one afterwards
I picked up the keys I found the right key and then I unlocked the door and I got through
and I locked to be on me am I the only one that won you're one of two people the one
because I think I'm on later I got stabbed by my son as I got the lock in the key and
I was collapsing through the door he got me so it didn't count I drink seven shots of
vodka oh and I did it in about 45 minutes fun talk about cheating yeah Dario told me
what key it was before I played what yeah you cheat Dario he said it has three little
three little holes on the top that looks like our door god you got it faster than anybody
yeah you fucking had a sticker oh I'm not bad yeah yeah no that's just well played I'm
gonna get you next year yeah that was fun yeah but next year we're gonna do it again
and I hope to do like a live podcast at it or something like that cool the Friday special
that we aired isn't gonna air I don't think right no it's gonna be a heavily edited maybe
special it's just a song yeah that was Bob's last song dude well that's been a fun episode
of fried rice podcast what no I got one last night well last day we'll call it so I
recently and this is no shame to anybody involved in the story oh that sounds like one of us
is going down but I had this exchange with oh god you know what I haven't framed this
in a way that's gonna be well someone well first off someone texted me today I got blown
up this morning and they were like they were like hey you need to take down that picture
of you threatening to kill your dog with a gun that's not fucking cool I didn't know
you abused dogs and I was like whoa and I go to find out exactly a picture he's talking
about I go to Facebook I mean it's a cap gun there's not even caps in it from like a Halloween
picture oh no it was from an improv thing I was like hey vote for me or the dog gets
it and then the next day I posted a picture of my dog just laying on her belly or laying
on her back with her belly up look this is years ago though right yeah yeah yeah yeah
so long ago insanity doesn't have a timeline no one's insane here I'm just saying no one's
insane I'm not in this situation I don't want to point out anything I'm walking on I'm just
you know I don't I'm just it doesn't matter when I'm delicate like this I feel like that
point doesn't get across as much as I'd like it to but did I get high and do this to you
I was talking to someone much younger than me like someone in their 20s and the disconnect
there was real where it's just like I was I was sending full paragraphs and all I was
getting back was like one word one half sentence replies and I was like okay so they're not
interested in being friends right it's like they don't want to continue having a conversation
this is a well I don't think you don't know who that was that was a female that you met
somewhere right it was a female that I met somewhere that I intended to be friends with
you know because it seemed like she was new in the area and I wasn't interested in dating
or anything but I don't know if she was until recently yeah but I couldn't tell.
You just scorned a lover.
Well no I didn't have anything.
Nobody knows.
It was it was I scorned someone of a week of light texting like with no no no nothing
like nothing other than some friendly like she showed me a picture of some puppies that
her dog had and then you know I asked and she told me a little bit about her work and
we talked about the shared thing that we did the Halloween Haunt thing so anyway but then
we became Facebook friends and I think she found that and she was not happy with it.
Well she put that that's who put that comment.
She texted me she did comment on the thing which is great because that would just trigger
a bunch of people to be like yeah you son of a bitch you fucking dog abuser.
Which I.
But how far do you got to be stalking to find this photo how far back is this photo.
I thought it was I thought it was pretty far back but then I went to my you know my photos
and it was it was right there.
I got rid of it.
I deleted it because if anything that's like cancel cancel culture.
Right yeah.
Shit in the future.
Right.
It's just odd how far back.
Cause we're talking five or six years ago.
I would blow it up to a poster.
And I would fucking fly it on top of the car.
I love that dog.
That was my favorite.
I have a cap gun pointed to a dog.
Yeah.
That I clearly can't even.
Can I just.
Don't give a shit if there were the powerful caps.
I'm not going to hurt the dog.
It was right next to her head.
I wouldn't do that.
Yeah no wait.
You're not a psychopath.
A and B it's a fucking cap gun with no caps and an impromptu thing.
And spoiler alert.
Guess what there's another photo.
The dog alive.
Yeah.
Sure.
Right.
So for the record.
Just for the sake of it.
It's not one of those cap guns that has an orange cap on it.
It looks like a real fucking revolver.
Right.
Like the hammer pulled back and my fingers on the trigger.
And I'm holding a dog and I'm looking menacingly at it.
Like hey.
But then read the post.
It's like vote for me on this improv thing or the dog gets it.
So you can tell by the context.
Yeah.
If you know me I'm not going to kill a dog for not voting for me for improv.
Yeah.
Probably.
Yeah.
Most likely.
But anyway.
It's funny to say that in context.
You were right.
We should have edited after the whole thing.
Yeah.
I was like what was the point of this story.
If you edit this out.
I'm going to edit it out.
I'm going to edit this whole thing.
Yeah.
What was the point of telling us this story.
I thought it was funnier in my head.
His podcast is rules.
Whatever.
I'm editing out the whole thing.
His podcast is rules.
Oh no.
Actually there was one moment.
There's one moment.
There's one thing that I wanted to point out.
This whole thing.
Because I'm on a fucking.
I'm super fucking stoked.
We all are.
We're going to end this thing.
I feel like when I'm being charming or trying to be charming to someone.
It's not necessarily flirting every single time.
It's a form of like friend flirting in a way.
You know what I mean.
Why is this your last thing.
You're going to edit out all that and we're going to come across.
I don't directly flirt.
It's more like friend flirting.
No.
Because the point is.
The point is.
If I'm at a party or whatever and I meet like a couple.
Right.
I tend to be just as.
Flirty to me.
Openly flirty to them.
But it's not in a.
I'm never like talking about let's hook up or anything like that.
Yeah but did they take it that way sometimes?
No.
I would just say yes.
But I feel like when I talk to maybe single women.
Right.
They might get the impression that I've been flirting with them.
Because you're joking.
Even though.
See this.
Even though my standard.
You know Eric if that sounds.
You're like when I talk to you.
Don't let your pussy tingle too much in my gender.
And when it does.
Please don't.
Please calm it down.
You know.
There's only so much rice to go around.
I am so special.
And I.
No.
I don't mean.
I don't mean for my balls to be so sweaty as I imply my game.
That's not at all what I'm saying.
I'm just saying.
My animal magnetism.
I only have one mode.
Right.
When I'm around new people especially.
And that is to be probably too much.
Overly.
Like overly Andy right now.
Like I've been told once somebody said like hey I didn't really want to talk to you again.
After we met.
Because you're just a little too aggressive.
When it came to the conversation.
A little too Andy.
I didn't really.
It's just like what were you even doing.
It's like we met me and you're just like hey.
Blah blah blah blah blah.
And I'm like.
All right.
Yeah.
I get that.
No.
Ha.
Not even a little bit.
So once I heard that I tried to change a little bit.
Maybe I have to a degree.
It's when you get nervous maybe.
Yeah when you get nervous kind of.
Yeah.
When I'm.
When I'm talking to myself.
And I was by myself at the haunted house because my friends that were there.
Sure.
Weren't necessarily there.
In the room with you right.
Like they were doing busy things or doing other like they were busy doing other things.
So I.
We were you know we were alone.
Yeah.
And I was just you know nervous.
And the thing is.
What the fuck are you getting to.
I don't understand why you keep going on about this.
I'm editing this whole fucking thing.
You're like.
Jesus Christ dude.
You're like.
You're like someone got mad that I threatened to shoot my dog with a cap gun.
And when I'm talking to you please don't melt like a stick of butter on a hot dick.
Please.
It's just my rice appeal.
OK.
And I listen.
If I was a married couple.
I'm going to be as aggressive with them as I am a new person.
OK.
And people will tell me Andy dial it back a bit.
And I don't.
I can't.
I don't know.
What am I even talking about.
I got to edit this.
Yes.
But when I'm talking to people.
OK.
So anyway we.
We.
Therapy.
It really is.
This is going to be tough to edit.
But I'll keep whatever I can.
I'll keep you in there as much I can.
Ryan you're a funny guy.
Patreon episode.
Another page.
Nobody.
No one's going to want to listen to those.
That's why they're there.
Oh hold on.
We're going to.
Oh Jesus.
Here on the Fried Rice Podcast we always go to Sing King at the very end.
It's a weird little copyright claim that they don't seem to give a shit that we're using
this song.
It's not real.
So.
We're not making money.
We're making the next one.
This is it guys.
This is another Sing King.
Alright guys.
This is how I like to exit our songs now.
It's just with some Sing King classic.
Alright.
Oh this sounds a little bit too.
A little too copyrighted.
Oh no.
It's great.
Yeah.
But this is like.
I like they're more.
They're less.
It's too rich.
Too close to real reality for you.
Whatever song it is.
The song's too close to reality.
When you were here before.
Couldn't look you in the eye.
Do we have a version of this?
You're just an angel.
Your skin makes me cry.
Alright.
Let's do it.
You flow like a feather.
In a beautiful world.
I wish I was special.
Do it.
You're so fucking special.
But I'm a creep.
I'm a weirdo.
Where the hell am I viewing here?
I don't belong here.
So we're going to edit that out.
I don't want to get caught.
How'd I do?
That was wonderful.
Wonderful.
Put that on Patreon too.
We'll put that one on Patreon too.
So anyway.
Here at Friday Rush Podcast we always pick a Sing King classic to end the night.
They can't just sing it can they?
I don't think so.
This isn't karaoke.
No they get the hard parts.
Oh they are.
Melody stuff.
They're just singing it.
You get a backing track on that one.
Here we go.
Okay.
Here we go.
This is fun.
Hell yeah.
Don't sing it.
No one sings it.
We just end it.
This is beautiful.
Alright ladies and gentlemen.
Here at the ranch.
Here at the house of the rising sun.
This is Andy Wright.
Whoa.
Fuck it.
What?
Your background might be louder than you.
Oh yeah.
You can say that.
Don't snap it.
Don't snap it dude.
I'm going to edit the shit out of this ending because this went off the rails.
But otherwise.
I had a really fun time talking about Future Sport with y'all.
What?
Future Sport I thought this was it.
Oh it had sort of face off.
Face off right.
Let's all get face off for Randy.
Just the B's across the board.
B plus.
Ah B plus.
There we go.
And as always is.
Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.
Brandon da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.
Shipley out to Boston.
Have a good night.
We got Ryan.
Came in late.
Stayed great.
Kept the hate.
And always here to debate.
We got Michael.
Lucky to be alive.
It's basically static.
I didn't say it this fucking time.
It doesn't matter.
I didn't fucking get shamed this time.
It's basically slapstick.
Have a good week everybody.
And I'm your host Andy Rice.
This has been Fried Rice Podcast.
We've been fried.
Thank you so much.
Have a wonderful day.
Okay.
Do you promise?
You promise like the nation of cannibals, the NAC, are going to call us and we can talk
about that?
Real quick.
So listen.
I woke up this morning and I got broken up with by someone that I was lightly having a
text conversation with.
Throughout the week.
I was being way too fucking sensitive earlier.
Ryan just pointed it out.
So here's the fucking thing.
No shame to this chick whatsoever.
But the point is that we weren't connecting via text, right?
And then, but I tried and I wasn't even trying to hook up or anything.
I was just trying to make a friend, you know, because like it looked like she was new to
town and like new to, you know, the area, whatever.
But you're just out there.
I was putting myself out there.
Yeah.
And she did too.
We lightly texted throughout the week.
I think I put more into it than she did.
And then this morning it felt like a breakup where she was just like, she said like four
or five times, like, no, I'm done with you.
I'm over it.
No, no.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
And then she's like, I don't, I'm not with somebody who abuses dogs.
I don't, don't abuse dogs.
It's just a cap gun.
No, you're not to use dogs.
You're like when the dogs are around, I'm so glad you said that.
I'm not into people's schizophrenia.
You know what I mean?
Like that's schizophrenia.
I think it was just maybe an extreme, maybe a reaction.
And if you don't go save a dog this week, it's a 25, you owe the cosmos to save a dog.
She's about 25, 25, 26.
If I don't go save a dog, or you should start talking to people about 30.
Get to your own age, Andrew.
I, yeah.
Lots of people of your own age, Andrew.
They understand what we have.
Again, it's either way older or way younger.
You guys are painting this in a light that's more negative than it is.
I either go backstabbing.
Okay.
All right.
Edit that.
Fuck it.
Anyway, maybe I'll answer this.
Maybe I won't.
We'll see.
Fuck you guys.
Bye.