tolerance an
And welcome to, I don't know, I'm running out of descriptions for these episodes.
I'm going to say welcome to another...
Welming edition.
Welming.
Yeah, not under, not over.
Not over, just Welming.
This is going to Welm everybody involved.
Welcome to a Welming episode.
Be ready to get your pants Welmed off.
Of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host Andy Rice, Let's Get Fried, with me as always is Michael Slapstick Larson.
Good morning.
With me as always...
Vietnam.
As always...
Okay.
You didn't sell that.
Vietnam.
With me as always...
Really accurate.
Yeah, is Jesse...
I'm trying to think, because it's hard you have a middle initial.
It's hard for me to do a nickname and Lee at the same time.
Jesse General Lee of the Southern Civil War on that side.
100%.
Heart.
Clearly, yes.
Okay.
And I'm your host Andy Rice, Let's Get Fried.
I think I already did that.
We're going to fry it up.
I'm the one starting the bong rips now, so ladies and gentlemen, things have changed.
An amazing job getting through that with no cop.
That was pretty amazing, really.
It was.
Mark's improvement from last time.
Yeah, oh God.
You're right.
God damn impressive.
Last time was fucking awful.
I believe better, so what do you have in there?
Oh yeah.
That's why.
Let's just go straight into what do you smoke.
This is from Mojave Reserve.
It's called High Voltage.
It's testing in 26 point who cares.
We don't give a shit about that point.
Three is going to make all the difference.
We don't give a shit about percentages here.
Fried Rice podcast that point three is equal to a terpian profile.
And a lot of these people, I feel.
Do you think so?
Yeah, I've never been able to really taste all the tangy nature in this.
Tangy Kenya.
Kenya, Tyler.
For those at home listening who are all stoners and Jesse's insulting right now.
Only 95% of you.
Yeah, he's not a weed guy, which is probably really beneficial that he's our tech guy because he gets shit done.
Because you should have been here with us editing before this.
Oh my God, yeah.
I am so not an editor.
Ladies and gentlemen, you are going to notice, well, probably this episode and the one before you should have already noticed a stark improvement in how our audio has been going.
Thank you, Jesse.
I'm happy to be of assistance.
Like when when when fucking Zach left and it was just all on me.
I just uploaded what episode could you point to as a reference of Zach's effect than your effect?
Oh, God, there was a there was a clear there was a clear departure.
I'll tell you, it's exactly where it was.
It was the last thing he put out was dab thing.
Dab thing.
And then cut the sleep smoke and then cut the sleep smoke kill.
The only episode we have that's over two hours, not on YouTube.
And then, oh, God, I keep losing my Internet.
They upgraded me.
And now it just cuts off every fucking 10 minutes.
Fuck you, Andy. Yeah.
So pretty much from sleep smoke kill to which Willie's Wonderland is going to be all Andy produced.
And the names, I think, sleep smoke kills pretty good.
Oh, that's going to continue to be me. So fuck it.
Anyway, what are we smoking? It's high voltage.
What are we snacking on? Are these freeze dried skittles?
They're spicy rainbow skittles.
I didn't know there was spicy skittles. Spicy.
Well, they're not. No, they're they're not spicy.
The skittles that were purchased were regular rainbow skittles.
Then they were spiced I guess later on post freeze dry.
But I want you guys to post spice blend and spicy.
Grab their little clusters. Yeah.
Grab a grab a little cluster. Oh, boy.
They're they're interesting. I like them.
I'm beginning to like freeze dried candy quite a bit, actually.
Ever since getting it at the Comic Con.
I'll tell you the let me tell you the brand because these guys are killing it.
Oh, boy. Facebook is D.C. sweet shop.
So that's D slash C.
It's weird how freeze rising freeze drying candy can make it look kind of like popcorn.
A little bit disturbing.
The website is D.C. sweet shop dot com.
You can email them at DC sweet shop seven at Gmail dot com.
They are pretty good.
They're crunchy. That's absurd and good.
It changes. That is it changes the fucking game on candy.
Like I'll tell you right now.
Bit oh honey's if you can find yourself a freeze dried bag of bit oh honey.
If you like bit oh honey's now, you'll it'll change the entire game.
What what's really what changes the game is this is scientifically kind of amazing
because I feel like I just ate the like you know how like on a
hard like a lollipop.
Yeah, it's like they took a lollipop and made where you could buy it stays crunchy.
You get that constant satisfying crunch crunch.
Yeah, it stays all the way through and it dissolves a little bit at the end.
Now they can figure out how to put gum in the middle of that.
Oh, you know what I mean? Like a blow pop.
Oh, I don't know. I'm not comfortable with that juxtaposition of texture in my mouth at one
at one time, but I could see I could see the benefit.
You know what commercial stuck with me was those tootsie roll pop ones with the owl.
Those two kids like how many licks does it get to the center of a little tootsie roll?
Yeah. And it took a lot more than three.
I wouldn't recommend what that owl did.
What's that? Remember the popular Lil Kim song?
How many looks does it take to get to the center?
Oh, you know, yeah, I mean, it's actually provocative.
I think that's I think it's not even like that was blatantly sexual and provocative about it.
It was just it's just sex. It's just sex words.
It was the 90s. Yeah.
Well, provocative today to today's standards.
I really, really liked that you had that on a paper where it wasn't going to make a mess.
And then just straight.
Well, he's got to read his notes.
Mike, Mike, Mike, grab the candy and he poured it delicately out and a bunch of fucking crumbs
fell out and he put it on a paper.
Delicately. I'm like, wait, cool.
Absolute consideration. Absolute consideration.
And then I guess I don't know what we're not even at the movie part yet.
And he decides to hide came out.
He just decides to pour everything onto my fucking table.
That's sugar, Mike. That's fucking bug.
You want to answer this is how we get ants.
I just vacuumed too, so I'm going to be very careful about how I get that on off of this table.
I don't have a handheld vacuum. Don't fucking ever point that out to me again.
You fucking asshole.
You don't have a tube on your vacuum.
The tube doesn't really do anything.
You think it won't pick up crumbs off your table?
I don't think so. I don't have the right attach.
I don't have the chrome attached over it up.
I don't have a Hoover. I bought a way cooler vacuum.
Maybe or Tyson.
No. Is it worth me telling you?
Yes. Oh, God. Well, not if you have to get up there.
Andy, for a play by play, Andy is now going to the other room to check what brand vacuum is.
It turns out it's a Hoover.
It's a power force helix. It's got helix design.
It's got this like certainly sounds amazing.
It does. It's got like a little tornado in the middle.
It's got like a little tornado in the middle.
Yeah, I got it at Walmart. Yeah, it was great.
It's blue. It works great with the motif that I have kind of very blue.
You pay you got going on. It's not a lot.
There's not a lot of blue, but I try to throw in some blue if I can.
That's fair. Yeah. It matches Wolverine's gloves.
So, you know, sure. Oh, yeah.
And then Enema of the State, like one of the two.
Those were like the two that I just blatantly went into a room one day,
stole, stole, never, ever admitted that I took them.
She took off your pants and years for years knew that I took them, suspected it,
called me out on it, told everybody nothing.
You went you went no way slowly, subtly in the background.
But I'm just dancing and spinning in my room, just like fucking blasting the stereo.
Like it was just the radio. Emily, shut up.
Yeah, because you didn't listen to any other song off that fucking album.
Let's be real. No, no, actually.
Name other Ipoh 65 bangers. I can't.
But I'll tell you this, if you were to ask me somewhere in the late 90s,
early 2000s, I could have told you at least a couple.
It was the same.
It was the same time that I bought the Bloodhound Gang's Hooray for Boobies album,
which if you looked at the CD itself, it was a boob. Mike, you'd love it.
The middle part. Put your tongue through it.
The middle part is the hole, like where the where the nipple would be.
The areola.
The areola, how Jesse pronounces it. Yes, because in our time we never had art like that.
You never had what? Art like that.
Yeah, you guys had to buy. Yeah, the vinyl records would have too small of a hole, you know.
Yeah. Which is how I like my nipples, I guess.
Yeah, you like them. How large do you like your nipples?
Long but small. OK. If that makes sense. Like needles.
Yeah, like little baby toes. That makes sense.
Needles. Anyway, if there's one thing that we do on this show and that we do well is that we stick to the fucking game plan.
So so what did you do this weekend?
Time stamps will be in the description if you would like to jump to the crux of this episode.
You're going to put chapters in now. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we have chapters.
So I don't know if our opening chapter is. You can skip all this bullshit.
You want to go to an hour and six minutes. Go ahead.
Because we're going to go up to that, probably.
Oh, yeah, for sure. Well, no, I'm not going to talk about what I did this weekend yet, because we should do the movie first.
So we've got to remember, because every time we do the movie at the beginning now, we always forget about next week's movie until the end of the show.
Yeah, OK. So we've got to say let's just let's just get to the movie in a minute.
So what I did what I did last night was a lot of was a lot of fun for the first time in my life.
I was a scaricator, scaricator at a haunted house.
I was one of the scare people like and what were you dressed up as?
Well, OK, so my so so I get there and everyone's figuring out what they're doing.
There's a bunch of costumes you can choose from and stuff.
The theme was the Purge, which is pretty good. So I got to basically dress like a regular human just to do with a mask and weapons.
Right. Which was great. That's what I wanted. Nice Nixon mask, perhaps.
You know, things of that nature. Sure. Yeah.
The one I had was, I think, from the actual The Purge movie.
I guess the Kiss Me mask that is in there.
So I had that I was wearing all black and then we're looking for weapons.
OK, so we're looking for weapons and the guy running it.
Wait a minute. You were the first time I wear this was you're looking for weapons in Oatman.
It should have been hard to find them. Oh, yeah.
So this is so this is this is an open they do this every year and they.
Well, I still want to say where it's at because the next part.
But anyway, they they they do this every year.
It's amazing. They go all out.
It's a really, really fun house and they it's very scary for like for sure.
Frightening. Wait, can we we could pause this, right?
Oh, are you where you going? You'll be right back.
You know what? It's fine. Oh, OK.
But I was telling you a story.
I can't I can't continue without a full audience.
It's right. This is a talk show on Jesse outside.
It's hard to talk shit on. No, it's not hard.
It's not hard. He's he's look.
I mean, actually, he's got a nice beard. He's got a nice deep voice.
He's very nice and he's considerate and keeps the conversation moving.
He probably could be a king. We're not going to.
I know you want to. OK, so our whole like push to be less blasphemous, I guess, is right, which is a behind the scenes thing.
We're just trying our hardest to not do that anymore is we're not going to we're not going to deatize any of our producers anymore.
So so fucking Mike's idea is to deatizing.
And I don't I don't feel comfortable with that because if there's no there's there's no raining.
No one rains besides me here is what I'm saying. Are you good?
Is there something of someone in your car? No. Oh, I just realized that I had some things in there that might explode if I leave them in the heat for too long.
So isn't it 80 degrees? I got paranoid. OK, I wasn't thinking.
So I forget. I'm used to it being one hundred and ninety seven degrees.
The weather has been lovely lately.
OK, so let me get back to the story because I can't look.
I don't know what to fucking tell you, bro. I don't. I need you here for this.
So needs a full audience.
So I go to I go to the Oatman Haunted House. I'm friends with the guy that runs it.
And he might come on the podcast soon.
So anyway, I get there. I'm dressed up like a purge guy and we're looking for weapons.
And like, you know, everyone had rubber bats or inflatable, whatever the fucks.
And so I go to I go to the back and I'm looking for weapons.
And then someone hands me just two real swords, just two just real as fuck.
Two metal swords. Sharp as hell.
They weren't so they weren't sharp. That's the one thing.
And they were bendy like like I had to straighten them out throughout the whole night a lot
because they were not strong or durable. Ten swords.
Yeah. But I'll tell you this.
He handed me these. And so the whole time, you know, she she she because you can like that was like the
that was a scary thing. I'd smack them together, you know, scare people. Right.
Are you running around the town or you like so? OK.
So this particular haunted house had no, that's a good question, because this one had the haunted house itself
in which you go through it. It's actually for like it was really good length because we like
I was one of the scares at the end. And when they opened up the line, it took probably
ten minutes for like us to get our first people.
And then like the breaks in between people were long.
So like people were getting a full experience like they waited three or four minutes in between groups.
Which gives a time to build some tension. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
So but if you're in the in the line on the street every so often, every like maybe half hour,
the purge alarm would go on and it would be like we are now doing the purge weapons of class, whatever.
And then people would be walking out of the shadows, putting their purge masks on with their weapons running up on the street.
Yes. That's rad. Yeah. Yeah. I'm bummed. I miss that.
So well, it's going on tonight. But but are they OK?
Is is everyone aware of this? Can you imagine in this area we live in?
There's a lot of people strapped. Yeah.
The one time that alarm goes off and I'm strapped mushrooms.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So so they did like a sign at the edge of town or something.
I think most people were aware that it was a haunted house type thing.
And so anyway, other than me, everyone else had rubber weapons.
So I'll tell you this, though, the first purge that we went out there,
I just straight stabbed someone in the stomach with one of my real fucking swords.
Yeah. I don't know how to describe it. I'm not paying attention.
I turn around. I've got just straight. There's a blade and a man.
And someone walks right into the fucking tip of this blade, which was the only sharpish point.
And I'm like, thank God it was one of our own.
It was one of the it was one of the other mass purge people.
And I was like, oh, my God, thank God.
I killed one of us almost if that had been a customer lawsuit.
And I'm like, what do I do at that point? So.
After that, I only accidentally touched a few other people with the blade,
but I was inside the haunted house for the rest of the night
and I was sort of near the back and I was in like a like a creepy little corner.
And I had my blades out. And what I was doing is I write when people turn the corner,
I'll smack my blade against the wall and then like kind of run at them,
smacking them together, whatever.
So here's the here's the here's the raw stats of haunted houses.
OK, because now that I've been a character, I know what everybody does when they go through.
OK, it is. I mean, raw facts.
I'm going to make up some some percentages here, but most kids.
Are actually terrified, like there were some like toddler type kids coming through
that were like like screaming, their parents were like covering their faces as they're like embarrassed.
Who sends a toddler into the purge haunted house?
But then one dude had a had a hangover. It had to have been advertised, right?
Oh, no, it's an adult. It's an adult. It's adult.
Yeah, right. But no, not adults only, but it's an adult haunted house.
Like they're saying it's adult. It's scary. Yeah, you're going to.
You're going to take your toddler in there when I was walking up and down the street.
Oh, don't be nice. I scared the shit out of some kid, dude.
He was just standing there and he saw me and then like walked by and I could tell he was frightened.
So I turned and I looked at him and started like sheen, sheen, sheen.
And he started scream crying and hiding me on his mom.
And his mom looked at me like, you son of a bitch.
Yeah, I was his mom. No, it's not.
I mean, this is a kid who does imagine that the kid been strapped.
It is open. It is open.
That's a possibility.
So I will say so. OK, I would say most people.
I'd say 20 percent, 25 percent go through and are scared and they're getting the full enjoyment of it.
Right. A lot of time it's girls.
Most of the time it's like children. Right.
The other than I would say 50 percent is like people are just amused and maybe just having a generally just good time.
Good one. You got me on that one.
But like they're not scared. Right.
Like I got a lot of people because I just hit the wall right next to their face.
Do people touch you like no one touched me because I was far enough away and I had real blades.
And then I had a real blade.
When I was sheen, sheen.
You know, many people were like, oh, my God, those are real as they're like walking by.
Like I think that was the scariest thing is like they were like, just what it is might actually be a purge.
Yeah. But I'll tell you this, dude.
The door that was right by my entrance.
So I was kind of like off to the side and there's a door coming coming out and I wait for like shadows to know when to when to strike.
Was so so I would swing this fucking blade full velocity to hit the wall.
You know how many times within I would say seven or eight inches, I almost just took an eye out or a throat or something.
Or it's like if someone had come in and stumbled to the left just a little bit at the wrong moment, I'm like, shit, just be heading them real quick.
And would be bankrupt from this. Yes.
Impending lawsuit that might be happening because of that one anyway.
Yeah. So and then the last the last 25 percent are fucking assholes where they just they they're they're troublemakers.
They're troublemakers. They're they they make fun of you or like to the best of their ability in the brief seconds they pass by.
They see 40 in a costume.
I know not that devastating, Jesse.
More more like more like keep working on your chef skills because they see I have two blades, you know, like like that kind of thing.
Not the devastating like ha ha.
You fucking old piece of shit working in a haunted house.
It's volunteer work. I'm not working there.
Yeah, but they're dumb and they might think that.
Yeah. Jesus Christ.
No, they're not. They're not monsters.
They're like we're the monsters. They're just people going through a haunted house.
Anyway, it was fun.
And then afterwards we we partied and that was fun.
It's always fun.
Dude, open drunk is a fun drunk.
Oatman drunk is a fun.
It's a good time. I got drunk there.
Not even during the comedy shows like the one comedy show that we that we did there when I said the last time I was there,
there was a TV that was almost as big as the trailer was no shit.
Like me and my buddies went drank out the bar, went back to some random fucking trailer, fucking dog shit all over the floor, like spoiled milk in the sink.
There's like rotten sandwiches everywhere. It's fucking weird.
And like amongst all this chaos was like this brand new like seventy eight inch fucking TV, brand new TV, like plastering TV in the middle of all this bullshit.
Normal house and no no normal open house.
Not a normal. OK, hold on. I'm going to trailer.
I'm going to defend. I'm going to defend over here for a second because open opens.
And all houses like that. Just as we live in open are lovely.
Some of them, the ones I like, the ones that like me.
But the if you that trailer is probably someone's just side trailer.
Maybe. And that's fine.
Like no judgment. It was just weird.
You know, Andy, what is a side trailer?
It's you got your regular trailer.
You know, you collect them.
One of them, you keep your spoiled milk and big TVs.
The other one is for family.
Duh. Open, everyone.
Yeah. But open. Listen, if you're ever out in Arizona, like in the Laughlin area, open is worth a fucking visit.
Seriously, it's a hit up the Fried Rice podcast.
I will make you a promise right now. Andy will come out and hang out with you.
Oh, yeah, I will. It is. It's a fiction Fried Rice podcast.
I'll go out to open with you. We'll make a day of it.
You can jump on the podcast. Some donkeys.
Oh, yeah. That's the whole thing is like that town is great.
If it's known for one thing, it's known for its burrows and its donkeys.
They have a place to crash. You crash it. Andy's Jesse.
Keep it in check.
Remember how I said we're not going to detest any of our producers anymore.
You're just going to be like everyone else. You don't get power over here.
You know, you're just you're one of my minions.
I need to make this. I hate that I have to make this a fucking point every single time.
But you work for me for free.
I appreciate it. I love you both.
But I am your God. Wait, no, I'm your king. I'm your master.
No, that's not any better.
Wait, wait, wait. There has to be a way. I'm your rice president.
No, you're my rice presidents. I am.
Residents. I'm Andy Rice.
And that's all that fucking matters for Friday's podcast.
Let's get into the fucking movie. I'm going to edit the fuck out of that.
I hope you know. It's just going to sound like it's all the power.
Oh, God. OK. Yeah.
So anyway, super fun. Partying after.
Let's get into it. Let's get into the movie.
The movie that we watched was Miracle Mile. Nineteen eighty eight.
It was a movie that I recommended last week and you guys thankfully voted for it.
And I hope that it was a good decision. I felt like it was.
Personally, I just get that right off my chest at the top.
I was a fan. Here's a brief rundown of the movie.
It's a guy the way that I described. I want to hear this.
I'm going to describe it. OK.
It's it's a 20 minute romantic comedy at the top.
And then and then and then evolving the tarpets somehow.
The love the bridge for Tartus that are bar or tarpets.
That's the you know what I love.
OK, I love that the Libra tarpets were in it. I've been there.
And it's really cool to just kind of stay on the railing.
Look at these like things that like legit took down dinosaurs back in the day.
They play a little tongue in cheek coy cat and mouse game.
The lady and the dude throughout the oh yeah.
So the comings of it's a romantic comedy in the way that like you get this guy.
He's at a museum. He sees he sees he sees a girl that he's he's a trombonist.
Yeah, we know that he he sees a girl that he thinks is is cute.
And they sort of keep eyeing each other from across the museum.
She looks like a 90s street skateboarder.
You know, the short hair does not help.
Yeah, because she's she's she's a pretty actress.
I've looked her up like. But but the weird the weird David Bowie mullet just is
God, the 88 hairs. Very steam burden.
It was like it was like it was like pre diantward almost.
I don't know what diantward. Oh, oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I love Chappie.
I love that movie. I know.
I'll watch them. I'm going to get on a tangent.
Yolande vibes. Yeah.
Fuck like a ginger Yolande.
Yeah, she's like a ginger Yolande from diantward.
If you're if you're a fucking fear that it's the spot for you out there.
You're welcome. Podcast world. There you go.
So it's they catch each other's eyes at a museum.
They kind of you know, she she makes the move of standing next to them.
They're looking at the La Brea Tar Pits, which is where they kind of first
have their first conversation and their last.
But during that whole time, that's she's unbeknownst to him or not.
Who knows? He's charming her with his ways of interacting with children.
Yes. And pissing off the teacher of the right.
So I actually I actually think it was charming his way of his way of interacting
with children. If like I think the things he was saying is like it was funny.
Like one of his lines was he's like they were brushing some teeth on some
dinosaur or whatever. He's like, if you don't brush your teeth,
you're going to look like that one day. And the kids giggled.
I'm like, cool. In ten thousand years, I think he said.
Yeah, I bet you that those weren't even extras.
Oh, it was all so cute. It was so cute. Adorable.
You know, in a very overplayed way. That was not overplayed at all.
You loved it. Subtle, very comedic comedy.
It's like what Tommy Wiseau was maybe trying to go for in the room.
I feel maybe this was the direct.
I'd call that a good. No, but he said what he was going for.
I mean, like maybe in his mind he envisions what Miracle Mile.
So the so the beginning is, yeah, it's a it's a it's a love story.
It's got this weird like extra component of he meets her dad.
They hang out. He goes.
They go to a concert of his right at a concert in the park where he shreds
the fucking shreds. He's so good.
He told the he told the directors like, bro, I play the trombone and I'm fucking good at it.
Like, let's go to things I'm excellent at being a trombonist and being a fucking E.R. person.
And you are ten years from that point. Yeah.
So Tom Cruise's buddy. Yeah.
Oh, by the way, if you're if you're wondering who this guy is, it's Anthony Edwards,
who is Goose from Top Gun.
And he's also Mark Green from E.R., who I don't I've never watched it.
But he's also Gilbert in Revenge of the Nerds and Inspector William Armstrong from Zodiac.
So he's a he's a well-known fucking well-known very well respected actor.
And then the the lady, the lady, Mayor Winningham, who is known for St.
Elmo's Fire. She was one of those Turner and Hooch.
She was the love interest opposite Tom Hanks.
OK, yeah. And she's in a new show called Dope Sick.
Anyway, but so we're talking about that earlier before this is the only thing we talked about before the podcast.
Oh, yeah. What's crazy is that is that Anthony Edwards, this is just sort of side tangent,
but Anthony Edwards was married to someone else or married someone else like later on because of like
they were just this was a fake romance in a movie. Unreal.
Like passing ships. But then two years ago, these grown ass adult people in their way older than us.
Twenty twenty one. You know, the ball for AARP.
Yeah, they love together. So Mayor Winningham and Anthony Edwards eloped two years ago.
Twenty years after this. Whatever it is. Fifteen, sixteen years later.
They survived the helicopter. Thirty something. Thirty something years later.
Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Holy shit. Like thirty five, thirty, thirty four, thirty five years later.
They eloped. Good Lord. So OK. What?
The the direction and the need to charm the fuck out of this guy was fucking so funny to me.
It was so overdone. That was so yeah.
Like even down to the point. But it was so funny and how it was going.
I love it. I love this movie like when he's like tromboning it up.
And then he like fucking just flat lines the fucking dude in front of him trying to take his solo.
That's why he's like he's like in the middle of his shit.
The guy stands up for his thing and goes, goes back to his shit.
Yeah. You know, just just fucking serving right on that guy showing all of his characteristics that he is that he's good with children and that he's aggressive.
The whole movie is that way, though. It's not just that way.
That's the giant clocks, the whole of the foreshadowing.
This movie is everything is overblown, which is what makes it great.
Listen, I've been in Nick Cage mode all this winter.
I said this in this movie. I don't even care.
It's like we watched a Nick Cage movie.
The whole thing. Everything's overblown. I love it.
Yeah, it's great.
So I know you said that earlier that you think this reminds you of a Nick Cage movie,
but then I started to think about that and you and I must look at Nick Cage differently
because this does not remind me of a Nick Cage movie.
This reminds me of like a doesn't really remind me of much because it's kind of its own thing.
But Nick Cage, the reason a Nick Cage movie is a Nick Cage movie is Nick Cage.
Right. And I don't think that that could be replicated in any way because like you can look at any of his movies,
any Nick Cage movie and the only reason that it is what it is is because of Nick Cage.
So like Miracle Wild, if Nick Cage was the star of it, it would be its own.
It would be anything like this.
And this is that if Nick Cage was in Miracle Mile, that it would be a Nick Cage movie.
Exactly. OK, Jesse. Yes, I know.
We do look at Nick Cage differently. And I think that's an age thing.
Because I remember Nick Cage as an actor. You only remember Nick Cage for what he's doing now, which is every.
I grew up on face face off and fucking Con Air and all the.
And you think face off is only face off because of Nick Cage.
It's what I'm saying is that you're oversimplifying to what Nick Cage is now.
Because John Travolta was also in that movie.
And so that is not just a Nick Cage movie is a Nick Cage, John Travolta movie.
But every other Nick Cage movie in existence is just a Nick Cage movie.
You picked the one exception to the fucking rule, Mike.
I don't know what to tell you when John Travolta is in something.
It's a John Travolta movie. When Nick Cage is in something, it's an occasion.
We were there together. It's face off. OK. Good Lord.
All right. So do you think that if if Nick Cage was in.
Oh, God, I forgot the fucking what's the move? What's the Scientology movie that John Travolta?
Yeah. Yeah. OK. So, Nick Cage. Hold on.
That would have been a Nick Cage movie. I don't give a fuck.
It still would have bombed because people weren't ready for Battlefield Earth.
And they weren't ready. They weren't ready for the message of L. Ron Hubbard
and what he has to bestow on us.
Surprise, motherfuckers, my religion Scientology. Praise be unto him.
Praise be unto Zinu. Yeah.
I went to a Scientology when I was when I was 16.
When I was when I was when I was 16, my my my dad took my friends
and I paintballing out near L.A. somewhere.
And on our way back, we went through Hollywood and he took us to the Wax Museum,
which was it was like a lot of fun.
Like, oh, no, we went to Ripley's, believe it or not.
Like they they have a like all the stuff that you would expect to see there.
Like we're basically where they trap all the Fetens are inside of the wax figurines.
Well, I didn't know what it was.
So this was like before the South Park Scientology episode.
Like this is before this was before Tom Cruise jumping on all of our knowledge from Scientology comes.
But what I'm saying is I would like to say it's the most in depth one.
I mean, if you're you know, but I would like to say this was this was probably that
and Leah Leah Romney and fucking yeah, Rogan podcast.
But this was like five maybe maybe four or five years before Scientology hit the main mainstream of public consciousness.
Right. Because like I had no idea what the fuck it was.
It's not like I discovered Scientology.
But what happened was when we were walking down the street to our car,
these fucking people popped out of this place like, hey, would you like to take a personality test?
And they're like, we're like, it was me and my my 16 year old friends.
So we're like, why not? We're like, OK.
And so we go in there trying to figure that out for years.
We go in there and we purposely fill in them out as bad as possible.
Right. Like, like. So I get taken into like a little room and it's like you're off the charts.
You get your assessment for free. Yeah.
It's always good when the religious people take you to the little room.
They took me to the room and they're like, hey, did you're at some point they're looking through my test.
Like, did your father molest you? And I.
I forgot writing that down.
And so I turned to my dad. I was like, Dad, I'm having trouble remembering.
But did you molest me as a kid? So we were having a fucking blast inside this place.
They kicked us out. We heard the term.
Oh, they figured out you were insincere.
We think we heard the term Scientology, but it didn't commit it to memory.
Just thought of it like a personality test, weird experience that we had with some religious nuts.
And then later on, when Scientology hit, I was like, oh, shit.
Thank God I'm not some gullible fucking sap.
Or wait, sorry, you got to respect everyone's like Tom Cruise.
Well, no, Tom Cruise isn't a gullible sap.
He's must be getting something from Scientology.
Like, I don't think if you're a celebrity, join the fucking money religion.
Go for it. Yeah. If you're a celebrity listening to this, a list, B list, whatever, go join Scientology.
Like, I'm sure it's fine for you. You have the money.
It's not religious. If you're A list or Scientology, if you're C list, you just you try to start a cult.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
Well, because that's Scientology. That's science. It's right in the name.
Yeah. Yeah. It is right in the name. Scientology, which is the mythology of science.
And the science behind it. Yeah. Aliens are science. Right.
And the Congress just said they found aliens. How do we know those aren't thetans?
They might be.
So they're at the labrador tar pits homeboy and this girl and they're talking and they fall.
They fall in love. Whatever. He meets her dad.
Then weirdly, I hear the word to tube steak, which is fun. Right.
Fun way to call a hot dog is a tube steak.
The guy's like, what part of the fucking country is the old man from?
Where is he? He said that as a youngster.
And we are to believe that at some point in his life, he was like, all right, me and Timmy are going to be a tube steaks.
Yeah. Over at the old soda fountain. Yeah. Whatever.
Yeah. Oh, let's go to the tube steak stand. Yeah.
So a tube steak is a hot dog, which I totally am into as a term.
I guess it's a tube steak. What's the fun? Yeah. And it's a tube. Yeah.
So I love it. But what I want now is like some wagyu beef and a fucking hot dog casing.
That's a tube steak. Let's make it legit. Tube steaks. I think he might be starting a new
restaurant, perhaps like culinary and order that right. Maybe you could order that steak on a hot dog.
But that'd be great. I bet someone has done steak on a.
Wait, why would you use a hot dog? But at that point, just put steak in a hoagie and call it a sandwich because like, what are we doing?
Oh, a steak sandwich. Wait, you're trying to tube steak. No, no.
Tube eyes. The only way to the only way to do it would be to ground up some steak and shove it into a hot dog.
Or whatever. Well, because it's not sausage hot dog sausage.
It's not in a sleeve, is it? It's not in the skin, is it?
Well, yes. Or is it the ones you're buying? No.
But yes, is the answer. No, not real hot dogs.
All right. Have a skin. Whatever. No, because hot dogs are I think just compress real hot dogs have a skin.
I think steak worst. Yeah, steak worst. We need to go steak worse.
So he then then they're at this they're eating tube steaks about to.
And she notices that her mom is in the park as well.
Her mom or grandmother? I couldn't decide. Is it her mom? Yeah. Yeah.
Is the 80s. People look rough. I guess so.
Dude, her grandpa looked straight up like one of the charlies, one of Charlie's grandparents in that.
Yeah, yeah. Willie in the truck. No, Willie Walker. The first one, Charlie.
Whatever the first fucking one was, the musical.
I realize those people were in their 50s. It's crazy. Those actors. Yeah.
Yeah. 50s look rough. No, because look, Terry's looks like a lot of us look better because we have easier lives
because we don't have to do as much manual labor.
So like older people are always going to look worse than the younger people are going to look when they're older because that's just how it looks.
So much like the high definition to 80s movies, it just doesn't age well.
That's my other grievance with this fucking movie is how crisp everything is to how weird the fucking settings are for the crispness of like updated movie shit.
It looks so fucking weird to me. I think seeing Star Wars for the first time in HD, you're like, that is absolutely a rubber fucking puppet.
You know what I mean? Like you say you the H took you out of the it got rid of your suspensive disbelief a little bit as much as the great acting did.
But you know, but if it was but if it was fuzzier in the 80s, I might be more inclined to go like I don't know, like especially with the way that it opened.
It had like that old school like science class movie thing going on. Remember when you were in school and it was like the Earth?
It was around. There's like all these synthesizer organs in the beginning.
You know, I forgot about the opening, which was like the evolution of man.
But but it's because we were watching a video at the National History Museum.
They were at the history museum. No, I get that.
But like I expect the rest of the movie to kind of look like that.
And then it doesn't. You know, I mean, I just I got a transition watching a different video, I guess.
So what's weird in this in this? I mean, I guess it happens, but we don't get any explanation.
Her parents haven't spoken to each other in like 15 years, very specifically, which seems like most of her life is very specific in this movie.
So they haven't spoken for most of her most of her life, her entire adult life.
And she and every time she tries to get in the talk, they look they see right through it.
Yeah, they see right. They see her parent trapping a mile away.
And all this is done in about two minutes. That's the one thing this movie does well.
It paces itself. It pulls those.
Think about all the things you know about all these characters in this whole movie is only an hour and a half long.
Yeah, I'll tell you this. It paces itself, except in places where it fucking. Oh, no, why?
Absolutely. It does not pace itself well in some parts. If you logically edited this fucking movie, it'd be 45 minutes.
Right. There's so much like no intercede way too long.
No, I disagree. If you logically edited this movie, it'd be an hour longer because I want to know what happened to Bubba from Forrest Gump.
That's fair. Yeah.
Bubba from Forrest Gump, the actor that played Bubba in Forrest Gump pre-Forrest Gump plays a I guess a charming sort of thief. Well, not even charming.
Just he's not a thief in this movie. He's got a trunk full of stereos that he will go to prison for.
Holy shit, that was Bubba. Yeah, you just realized that was Bubba. Yeah, that was Bubba. Yeah.
That shows you how long I've seen Vince. A much skinnier.
Wait, wait, wait. Let's get to the let's get to the beef. I'm loving this. But there is such a fun movie.
So they so we get introduced to the parents or whatever.
And this is important. This is important to get to know her, get to know her parents because it's his driving force for the movies to get back to her.
So he quickly falls in love with this girl very quickly. Yeah.
That's good. No, no, because I just realized what I was about to say. It's only relevant to the later part of the movie. So yeah, say and I kind of already forgot.
So so so I will say that building a building a believable chemistry and romance between them and the idea that he is into her at the top was at the first date, though.
Like that's all this is insane. And you cannot have. Can you really think anyone falls that deeply in love?
Absolutely. Yeah, 100 percent. If that. Yeah, especially when he got stood up goes through to go through the things he goes through.
But you know what? The thing about that, though, is looking for somebody you've known a month.
Yeah, no, no. I mean, I could believe it with this because of how hard she takes the fucking ghosting is that she's clutching a fucking value bottle with her mother or grandmother, whatever.
Like value. She's having a handful of volume. She's so she can't be left out. You know, that's your sad.
You're making a great point. She's a psycho. No, it's not even I don't even think it's psycho.
I think no, no, no. Both psychos. Right. In some way, gentlemen, gentlemen, you're you're what you're doing is you're taking the idea of instant connection and love, which is absolutely a real thing.
And that happens all the time where two people meet each other and they realize, hey, wow, this is kind of perfect. And you know, fair enough, even fair enough.
She's a little codependent. Even what he didn't know that at the time he didn't see her with.
I get that. But I'm saying that's what you see from her.
Hey, OK. I'm just saying just.
If I was this guy, if I was this guy, if I was this guy and I met the girl of my fucking dreams at the museum, we had a beautiful moment over the tar pits.
And we're talking about the like futility of life or whatever the fuck they were talking about.
And then I meet her parents that same day. And then she straight up tells me she's going to fuck me on the third date.
She says that she says, I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to fuck your eyes blue.
God damn liar. I'm going to fuck your eyes blue on the third date.
She's a liar. I'm going to make it to the third fucking date.
Wait, is it the third date? That's what she said. Yeah.
But is it? No, no. She says to him, I'm going to fuck your eyes blue on the third day.
Does she fuck his eyes blue on the third day? The third date. There's not even a first day.
Maybe it is. I'm not sure. No, Mike. We see the first date not happen.
And then he stands her up and we see the rest of the movie. Right.
And those interaction, I think the first day was them hanging out that day.
I think there are three. Right. So you're being I'm actually wondering.
That was those don't count until you said that it didn't occur to me.
Yeah. Were those days passing? I guess. Yeah. Were those not days or how are dates passing?
No, because because well, they must have been from Tarpet to phone booth.
Were there are pit to phone? There were three interactions with them in those places.
No, because no, wait, wait, guys, guys, his clothes were the same the entire fucking time.
He was on vacation. He only had one pair of clothes. His business trip stayed the same.
I'm just trying to say she's not a whore. She did wait till the third date.
And you're saying I don't think they want one. Maybe you're calling her a whore.
Hold on. Absolutely. I'm saying she waited till the third date and you're saying she didn't.
I don't think we're either of us. No one fucked.
I don't think I don't. We did not watch the same movie.
I just I don't think quite as happened.
They sort of take their clothes off at the end making out. They do not fuck.
They take. Wait, do they make out? I don't remember that.
It cuts. Wait, they do. They close off.
Hit the stop on the elevator as they're taking their clothes off.
Then it cuts to them getting out. No.
In in post. I don't remember. Post quiet. I don't remember.
This was for this. No, Mike. No, no, I'm going to have to. You're wrong.
I'll pull up the fucking scene after later. Yes.
But the point is, I'm not calling this actress or character a whore.
I am saying that she told this dude that she would have sex with him on the third date.
And you would stick around according to stick around.
And if it were me and I met the girl of my dreams and we hit it up and I met her parents randomly in the first date.
And she tells me like and you could tell that he's desperate to spend more time with her because like she's about to be like, I got to go to work.
Come on. I went to the museum in the morning on my you know, before work and I got to go to work.
And he's like and he's like, well, she's she's like, you know, then they meet up at 12.
That's the whole point is like I get off at 12 and he's like, meet me here at 12, 15, be here at 12, 15.
We'll go hang out. Well, we'll dance. Do you like do you like dance?
You like dance? I don't know. I love dancing. Such a great, cute chemistry.
So then he goes home. She tells me to go home and take a nap.
So he does. And then the power goes out as like what happened as at his hotel.
Yeah. And the fire happens. A fire alarm doesn't go off.
He oversleeps. It's four a.m. He goes, fuck, I overslept.
So he runs down to the earth. He basically runs down to the diner.
And it gets indicated to him that it's past time because of the fucking TVs.
That's kind of a fun thing to watch is like remembering like, oh, yeah, shit was like that back then.
Yeah, because when he turns on the channels of the whole movie, yeah, it was all those like emergency,
not the emergency broadcast system, but like the those just dead air bars placeholder.
Yeah. That in the American head guy, you know, I think was one of those popular.
Yeah. You're like the national anthem on one of the channels. Yeah. Right.
Back in the day, those of us who remember when the TV went off at one a.m.
and then stayed on a static screen until five a.m. and it's three thirty a.m.
Yeah. Four. What's four? Well, it's almost it's it's they make sure, you know,
India, I can't believe you didn't recognize it. It's four oh six.
By the time he gets back. Oh, yeah. Because that's the other thing.
He leaves the message going, hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.
He goes, maybe we can have champagne breakfast if you want to come on down here.
So that we're ready to also believe that he was going to sit in that fucking diner
waiting for her to maybe at least come in to work. Was that the idea?
I don't know. What do you think was going to happen?
How do you think the day was going to go? She's in a valium haze.
If he didn't answer the phone, if who did?
Oh, wait, he didn't answer the phone. Right. So he didn't find. OK.
Well, OK, if this is where the crux of the movie kind of takes off.
So but to answer your hypothetical, if he had just gone to the diner,
I think he would have been in there.
He would have met the the the black cook guy who would have been let's end the romantic comedies.
Who would have been very grumpy with him for probably sounding like a stalker,
told him to fuck off and probably would have been the end of it.
The movie. Well, no, we're talking about a hypothetical.
Right. That would be the on from there.
Well, then then he would have known. And he doesn't change.
It never changes. What would have happened is he would have felt bummed,
went back to his hotel, fell back asleep, maybe, and then died in a nuclear explosion.
Right. I don't know what else to say.
What I'm saying is that's what I think that hype that any of this is fun.
I think this happens, this happens, this dies in a nuclear explosion.
Yeah. So he jerks off to a nuclear holocaust.
Yeah. Good job spoiling the movie.
Well, ultimately, yeah, that's as they would have it.
He tries to call her, leaves a message, strange message.
Champion breakfast, all that shit. Oh, yeah.
Then assumes that she called back on that phone.
I answered the phone. Right.
Like our six. Let's see. That's our six. Nine in 1987.
No, they did not. They actually did.
Exactly. No one knew about it.
They did because there was no Internet to find out Andrew.
So I'm going to find out. Keep going.
So so yeah, weird to believe that star six nine happened.
Yeah. And then that's it was hopeful in his, I guess,
need and lust for this woman that he just met for 18 hours.
Barely is now at a point of like, oh, she called back.
Oh, clearly, clearly she wants to stick even though I ghosted her.
Clearly not knowing that she's in a volume haze.
And by the way, and that would be the way he would have thought in this movie,
because every character in this diner is that character.
Right. To which I the immediate thought seeing one of the people in the diner
was that it was cool to see Keegan Michael Key in an early acting role.
You know what I mean?
That was that was that. Yeah, it was not.
No, it was not. It was not.
Don't you say I assume the cross dressing lady.
Yeah, that's the there was a cross dresser in the diner.
Well, yeah, it just might just say everything in the.
She does look a bit like in the movie.
I didn't even know it was described.
Yes, it's that's what I said. This movie's dated everybody in that diner.
I just didn't realize the connection that you just made.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I don't mind that there's a cross dresser in the diner.
Well, they kind of I don't know. I don't know if they're.
That was another thing, too, was that like they made it very inclusive
throughout this whole movie. The 1980s culture super inclusive.
Yeah, it's impossible to find out when Star 69 came out.
Star 69 refers to the last call return.
Right. The calling feature vertical service code star six.
Also known as disambiguation.
Yeah. In order to return the call, the last one to ring.
OK, great. Yeah. Why isn't this telling me anything else?
You know, this is a very, very different view history.
I don't know if I've never clicked that before.
What is 2007?
Is it Star 69? I did start, but I actually typed in star.
Starr because when I typed in star six behind Dave, Dave, you,
it gave me six, six, six, nine.
Who's that tension six? Yeah.
It's not tech nine. It's this dude. OK, I don't know. OK.
X, X, X, no, six. It's a rapper.
Yeah. Six, nine. Yeah.
Oh, that's American rap.
The way he spells it with a six, I, X, and the nine, I, N.
It's cool. So fuck, dude, I'm not fucking with it at all.
I'm so fucking not with popular culture.
OK. He leads to a voice spell.
He answers the phone and then what's on the other end?
But a soldier star six, nine was described in the New York Times as a new service in 1992.
So 1988. No.
So what the fuck is he thinking? She's going to call back on that pay phone for.
But because you are I get the curiosity of it.
No answering a phone call.
Part of this is actually guys, we used to do that because that diner was in an area of like a neighborhood
where you would answer and people didn't you notice when he went inside and even asked,
does anybody here have a kid who people would use those public cell phones as their home phone, like a party line.
Here's our board. I used to be as a latchkey kid.
I figured out the phone number to a phone booth that was right up the street from me.
And I used to call it every 20 minutes in hopes that somebody would pick up.
Right. How many people answered?
I got a solid like two or three conversations of just bullshit out of them.
You know, because we would use those phones as phones.
There was one at our market down the I lived in a little area that had
none of us had phones back then.
There was no this movie relies on on that that time frame.
Right. Where we didn't have cell phones.
We didn't have home phones. Half of us. Excuse me.
So we used in this time, 1988, some white women had very, very, very big cell phones that carried around.
Yes, they did. And then sat in a fucking van and called military people with that.
That's not the garbage person. Of course, it's not the average person.
She was business suit lady who had a bunch of money tossing around like nobody's business.
She had the cell phone people.
I'm surprised the other people weren't like jaw drop going, what the fuck is that thing on your ear?
Yeah, right. And again, there's a real quick though.
Bill Murray has had a fucking straight up Motorola razor flip phone, some bullshit in like 1990 something in that.
It's a conspiracy here on on Friday's podcast.
But in the is it the spy who knew me, the man who knew too little?
I don't know. The man who knew too. I don't even can't remember if I'm fucking stone.
But there's a Bill Murray movie in which he straight up uses a cell phone sometime in the 90s.
And it's one that looks like I bought like a five. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Like one of my first ones. Well, I mean, OK, well, I could say that about Star Trek.
So you absolutely can't say that about Star Trek because a lot of designers based their work on what Star Trek proposed could be future technology.
So like we use cell phones because like it's like a cell phone prophecy. Yeah, it really is.
It really is. Yeah. Not to tangent or anything.
My bad. So anyway, he answers the phone and on the other end is a guy freaking out.
You know what? Actually, name Chip. I kind of want to just play that that part like like for the for the thing.
So just keep the part of the cell phone, the cell phone. Yeah. Yeah. That call.
Yeah. I want like that call in here. I think I could pull it up real quick, guys.
Just one sec. I'll just go to to be because we're sponsored by the way you know the mark for this.
That's going to be tough. Well, it's around 20 minutes, obviously. For what?
No, I think because this movie takes place in real time. I mean, it's going to right.
It's going to it's going to. Oh, yeah, I know. Geez, where's the watch again?
I'm just going to type it in because it's not it's like finished.
It's not going to have me. Fuck. OK, say something.
Be interesting. Interesting. Well, it's actually interesting.
You want the actual call you're trying to do? Yeah. OK. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. What's your point with finding this again?
I want the audience to hear it. I don't want to describe the call.
They watched the movie when we recommended it last week.
No, I'm sure fucking everyone. I'm sure nobody's in for Taco Bell.
Oh, nice. He did. So doing a Taco Bell commercial.
Is this going to be loud? Oh, well, look, it's meta.
It's very it's real. Meta. You can see behind the scenes.
I don't even need I'm not going to I don't give advertisements.
They're not going to get free advertising on my fucking podcast.
I don't know how loud it's going to be. You know what? It's at full volume.
We'll see what's up. So we're going to call this this is yes.
This is a. El Taco Rico commercial.
What's El Taco Rico? I don't know.
It's a place in California. Sorry, he gets to this.
He's running late. He gets to the diner.
It's a place my wife worked in 1982 in California.
Here we go. Here we go. All right.
Is this him leaving the message? Yeah, he looks.
After one of the two, he looks too calm.
Let's wait for him. Yeah, we found the scene.
Yeah, I don't know if you want to come back into this point.
Oh, well, yeah, oh, yeah, sure.
If we want to edit some of that bullshit out. Yeah.
All right. So I found the scene.
Let me get ready. No, it's tapping his things.
No way. OK. But you get started.
Right here. No, this is where.
No, yeah, no, I'm waiting. The whole thing.
You want to play the whole thing on the podcast?
Give me one minute. Yeah. OK.
I want like that. I thought we had 30 seconds or three.
Whatever we don't know. I'm just messing.
First off, no one's sponsoring us.
We're not monetizing anything.
We so who cares? Copyright infringement.
Copyright infringement. No.
And I think we're allowed to do your fair use as a clip.
Anyway, and I'm sorry, the director of Miracle Mile,
if you're not comfortable with us using this very cool scene
that you directed 35 fucking years ago.
Fuck you. Right. No, not fuck you.
We can be on the podcast someday. We can invite them on, Mike.
Geez. All right.
Let me turn it down.
But this is not weird. Answering the phone is not weird.
I would have done the same thing.
Louder or no? OK.
Well, shit.
But that's going to be really loud.
So he just left the message with his girlfriend.
Now he's going. He's standing outside the diner.
Now he picks up the phone.
Jesus. Look, I had to wake you.
It's happening.
I can't believe it, but we're locked into it.
50 minutes and counting.
Christ, I just can't take it. I can't fucking take it.
I'm sorry, Dad. I shouldn't swear. I'm sorry.
But this is it. This is really it. This is the big one.
Thor, Arthur, 66, AZD.
You don't think I told you what would happen if it ever came down?
Well, it is. We don't know why.
Why would we? Huh?
It is for real, Dad. There's no drill.
We shoot our WOD in 50 minutes.
They're going to pick us up in five or 10, and you can get it back in an hour.
In 10, maybe 75 minutes.
What exactly are you talking about?
I'm talking about nuclear fucking war.
Who is this?
Notice a roach on his jacket.
Don't get my dad.
Dad, there's nobody here. Where is he supposed to be?
How the hell would I know?
You're in Orange County. I'm in North Dakota.
Hey, is this some kind of prank or something?
Prank? Prank? Oh, God.
Is this 2549411?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.
But listen, it's just a phone booth.
It's a phone booth at a coffee shop.
I heard it ringing.
Is this 714? Did I dial 213? Shit!
Oh.
Oh, I think they heard me.
Shit! Oh, man, they see me on the monitor.
Fuck!
I'd patch into the red line X-Com to do this.
I'm gonna nail my ass. Tell Dad.
Just tell him that I am sorry about that summer.
Okay? He'll know what I mean.
All right, all right, look, that's enough.
This is a joke, right?
Yes, sir. No.
No, sir, I was just checking the circuit, sir.
Wait. Wait!
Is it Karen from tonight's race?
Listen, it's probably a felony to joke around on the phone like this.
Who are you? Who am I?
Listen, I'm just a guy who picked up the phone.
I mean, I don't know if this is a wrong phone number or a joke or what.
What happened to Chip? He was just joking, right?
Forget everything you just heard and go back to sleep.
Hey! Hey!
Very tense.
That fucking hooked me.
So there's a song by Lost Years called Nuclear.
It's like a retro wave kind of...
It's good music if you like that synthy sort of stuff, which I very much do,
called Nuclear where they play that scene,
but as they're building up the tension for their song, Nuclear,
and then it cuts into their song.
So that's the only part of this movie that I'd seen prior to watching this.
And I thought it was enough of a hook to just be like,
I really want to watch the rest of this.
It's a great hook. I wish the movie would have started there.
I see why that's a good instinct because that would be just an awesome start
and then maybe just assume he has a girlfriend already.
You don't need all that.
Literally, Shaun of the Dead. It'd just be like, fuck it.
Even to have an ex-girlfriend. Just anybody.
He's just trying to save someone.
His dog, John Wicket.
Maybe because he's...
The thing is he's in a foreign place to him, right? Like he's in a hotel.
So he's visiting.
Wouldn't it make more interesting if he didn't have one specific person to save?
He was just trying to save anybody?
Like he was just going through the city like Chicken Little a little bit,
like he even mentioned.
I'm saying this same movie would work from here if you just...
That's why he was trying to cut off the romantic comedy and go the other way with it
because this could be two different movies completely.
Now, I may wax a little fucking director whimsy here or whatever with this.
Maybe the idea, which I highly doubt,
but maybe the idea was that it's like trying to show this whole societal norm
that everyone's trying to live.
I think they were trying to jerk you.
And then it just goes into like...
The progression of chaos in this movie is fucking weird and cool.
Yeah.
Awkward.
It reminded me...
Janky, you know what I mean?
But realistic.
Yeah, yeah.
Things falling down?
Falling down?
Just falling down.
Yeah, the name of that movie is Falling Down, yes.
Falling Down.
Amazing movie.
Gives me vibes of this.
So if Falling Down was a more neon-drenched nighttime setting,
and it was... because think about it, he goes full a lot, like so much shit happens.
The stakes are a lot different in Falling Down.
But other than that...
Well, yeah, that's just an insane person going on a rampage.
Right, exactly.
This is...
That's not impending doom, necessarily.
There's no impending doom.
It's impending doom for one person, but not as a whole collapse.
Yeah, so he hears this phone call, which is scary, right?
Sure.
And I'm...
Yeah, 4 in the morning.
I took a moment to think to myself...
It's a great look.
4 in the morning on a payphone, like... that's specific.
No, it's 406.
Yes.
By the way, ladies and gentlemen at home, if you're listening and not watching,
because we don't have video, so how can you?
Right.
A screen.
Mike likes to...
He's got a real good image.
Mike likes to... he likes to print, for his own, I guess his own enjoyment,
he likes to print, for his review, the full-color picture of something.
And in this case, it's the diner and it's the clock saying 406.
That clock was fascinating.
How it spun around?
Yeah, well, because...
Just the whole...
Yeah, just...
The use of it.
So like...
It came back later.
Computer technology is what it is.
So the fact that they got microchips to make the functionality of a clock work
that way to have it spin constantly was like, you know, from a...
Oh, in that time frame.
Or that time frame.
That was an amazing...
Here's what you didn't know though.
That one clock was connected to a computer the size of a gymnasium.
I would imagine.
Yeah, because this is the 80s.
Yeah, this is the 80s, right.
It's crazy, yeah.
The amount of work it took to do that.
And that, you know, that speaks to, I guess, something about like how...
I don't know if that even existed, necessarily, shit like that.
That diner?
Right.
Or that...
I'm not sure the diner did, but like...
That clock existed.
No, that clock existed.
Wait, no, that kind of stuff?
That kind of stuff.
It was a...
Props like that.
It didn't hear...
That was real.
But even if it was a prop designed for the movie, even if it was...
It was not.
Wait.
It was not.
That was a street.
That's a street.
Well, what diner is it specifically then?
Well, I didn't look it up, what diner it was.
Well, then how do you know it's a specific diner and not a set?
Because this...
Okay, did you watch this movie?
Yeah.
They did not add the budget for a set like that.
Fair enough, but you don't think maybe they changed the name of the diner?
Oh, who knows?
That part is done in the middle of the night.
Because I don't know if it's a Johnny's diner.
On a real street.
I can't remember.
I don't remember the name of that one.
It was Fatboy or something.
Look, tangents much, Mike?
You fucking monster.
No, I'm just kidding.
Okay, so he gets that phone call, very scary.
He sits with it for a little bit.
He's like thinking, like...
He's pulling it over.
I would too.
That's frightening.
And then he...
I will say this.
He does not resort straight to panic mode.
Now, he is panicked and he is scared.
And that's different than like him trying to start a panic.
Yeah.
His panic manifests in like pouring the creamer in the coffee pot.
Right.
Sure.
You know, grabbing the wrist.
He shows his panic.
And grabbing the wrist is where it looks bad on his part.
And it gives him an edge of, so what I really like, and this is absolutely intentional,
has to be, but there's an edge to him that makes him untrustworthy a little bit, where
I think you maybe are supposed to doubt whether or not a nuke is coming for the entire movie.
Oh, you absolutely are.
Because like, so I'm watching...
Well, he even acknowledges that.
Yeah, exactly.
And I know they address it.
I might have fucked up.
They might, and then they address it, but like there's something dangerous about him,
even though he's not, he didn't start off as a dangerous person.
Like he...
He comes off like a falling down guy.
A little bit.
You know what I mean?
But that guy was a dangerous person because he was insane.
Like, that was the whole reveal and sorry to ruin falling down for everybody.
Like, the reveal is he was like a mentally, like he was, there was something wrong with
him.
And...
He just got fed up with society.
But there was like PTSD, like there was like something in his brain that made him violent.
He just snapped, yeah.
He just snapped.
He was the only dude that snapped.
But he wanted a fucking breakfast sandwich.
Yeah.
And he hootles.
Okay.
So, he goes into the diner, and he's very panicked, like he's like, you know, he's
freaking out.
He grabs the waitress by the wrist.
But then he starts just telling people very clearly, like...
I don't know if this is real or not, but I heard some shit.
Yeah, exactly.
Here's what's up.
I just answered the phone outside.
Some dude.
And this is not the first time...
Does anybody know Chip?
Yeah.
This is not the first time he repeats verbatim what the phone call says, except every time
he tells it, it's just slightly been telephoned, I think.
Where it's like, when he says it the third time, I think, to somebody, it sounds a little
bit different than he did the actual phone call versus what he tells the people in the
diner versus whatever.
And I think that was a choice, too.
I even like that he calls Chip's dad.
Yeah.
Eventually, yeah, because he's trying to figure everything out.
He's trying to figure...
He wants to know if it's real or not.
It's like, yeah, do you have a son named Chip?
Right.
Yes.
Does he work in a missile silo?
Hey, that's supposed to be classified.
Right.
You get the answer, but you get enough of an answer.
Enough, exactly.
So now Homeboy is in a...
He's in a predicament because one of the people there happens to be...
Just happens to be.
This is one of those things that writers can get away with in movies for whatever.
It's beyond even having first-hand knowledge and accessibility.
Yeah.
I dated this guy once.
Yes.
There happens to be a woman there with a very severe suit and haircut who has a briefcase.
And in this briefcase is a computer.
And she's a regular, by the way, because they know her.
Oh, yeah.
She's a regular in this greasy diner.
She's translating vague symbols and shit?
Did you pick up on that?
No, I didn't.
I think I...
So the dude, one of the workers goes, oh, hey, it's you again.
Regular, we assume.
Right.
And then just flips on a TV that just has all these vague symbols coming on that she
busts out a book and she's code breaking, it seems.
Almost on some spy shit.
She's like CIA or something.
You're supposed to infer.
I must have looked away for a second.
You're supposed to infer that she's CIA or FBI.
Yeah, she's like, she has her cell phone thing.
I watched this movie this morning.
Yeah.
Same here.
And I'm not going to lie, part of it I had playing while I was driving around doing errands.
So I didn't catch that.
There's some nuances.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway.
So I guess it would stand to reason that she would have that accessibility, but her justification
for it is, oh, I dated this guy once.
Yeah.
So she has friends because she dated a guy once who is totally the guy that knows all
the nuclear stuff.
And she's like, and all of his friends probably do too.
So she starts calling all of her friends.
She's like the sewing circle, like gossiping gal of a...
But what's crazy is the NSA.
What I love about it, though, she doesn't get anybody.
She's like, I've tried five people.
And out of that five people, four of them are on their way out of fucking America.
They're like fucking off.
So that's not good.
But see, and then...
Do you think this is happening?
Yeah.
So at that point, you should believe that nukes are coming.
But it's still just maybe.
You never know.
It's just one, it could be one soldier.
The difference between a nuclear attack and not a nuclear attack is a nuclear attack.
Right.
You'll find out one way or another.
So the cook is very prepared.
He is good friends with this nuclear lady.
They grab all the food.
He keeps screaming about that they need gasoline.
We need canned goods.
We need gasoline.
We need a lot of gasoline.
He just starts yelling at random people, you two go get us some gasoline.
And then he fucks off.
They're gone.
They...
I call this the formation of the A-Team.
Like...
This whole thing, this whole scene from there on to the van, all of it, it's the formation of the A-Team.
It's their own version of an A-Team.
You're right.
This van, which is funny because they never come back into the story.
She's the one that gave him the privy information about the helicopter and the helipad.
I don't know what...
Yet she's not there.
Yeah, okay.
But somehow the fucking principal in some movie is...
So she...
I forget that guy's name, but...
She tells him...
She goes...
She gets this whole thing prepared.
She's like, I got us a helicopter.
It's at the top of a building.
I got us a pilot.
He's on the way.
We're good.
We're going to head over there right now.
Well, but I don't know why they're bringing all these supplies with them.
And you still don't think this is a Nick Cage movie?
Again, why...
No Nick Cage.
I don't think I need to...
No Nick Cage.
I don't think I need to reiterate it.
I want to take your face off.
That's what I want to do, Mike.
So anyway, that van, they prepare for Armageddon, get a helicopter ready, drive off into the sunset.
We never see them again.
So now...
They kick you by the neck down.
Such a rush at that, that they're like, yo, the only way you're getting out of here is if I slow down on the fucking arm ramp.
Slow down on the curb.
Yeah.
He points a gun to the dude's head and he's like, fucking pull over.
The guy's like, jump out when I slow down on this off ramp.
So he does and he gets knocked out.
And then there's a really fun, just cool thing I'm sure the director just really wanted to do where the guys knocked unconscious for just a moment on the freeway off off ramp.
And you...
Uh-oh, headlights are coming.
Headlights are coming.
It's two motorcycles and they go around them.
What did you believe it?
Dope.
And then they hit him.
End of the movie.
Because he would have died in that poor motorcycle and then a nuclear bomb just an hour later.
At any point in this movie you can say it.
Imagine how good he would have felt surviving a motorcycle accident.
Yeah, only...
Oh yeah.
He's like, I didn't die.
So is this where the group is nudity-wise?
There's no group.
No, there's like slight nudity.
No, there is too.
Are you talking about the gym?
Yeah.
The gym, yeah.
There was no reason for that scene at all.
I'll tell you what, normally I'm with you on I don't like fortuitous use nudity.
But in this situation, in this particular instance, I thought it added just a little pop.
It was like, it was so minuscule, so nothing.
Mostly because she wasn't hot.
No, she wasn't hot.
There was no reason for it.
No offense to the actress who played the naked woman in Miracle Mile.
We don't even know her.
Fit, but weird.
Yeah, you were fit, well, not fit, but weird.
Come on, everybody has different bodies, Jesse.
Don't shame her.
I'm not fit and weird.
I get it.
How do you know this much?
Did you pause this?
Because this was like...
I did, because I was like, what?
It's the most rewatched scene in Miracle Mile.
Oh, I 100% because I was like, because given the rest of what's going on in those scenes,
you're like, is that a, maybe that's a trans person?
You know what I mean?
Now I'm more really curious.
You know what I mean?
Like, is that...
I can see that, yeah, yeah.
So you didn't know what type of naked person was came up with?
Because it was so fast, right?
Right.
So I'm like, is this like a direction of this movie?
I didn't know if it was a man or a woman at first.
Right.
It was androgynous.
It was that fast.
So I...
Clock's hits, but you're like, oh, those can be big pecks.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I'll give you that.
Yeah.
So you do have to scan the nether regions to check it out.
I did not pause the movie.
Like with an animal, if you're getting a dog or something.
I just want to know what we're working with.
Yeah, exactly.
I thought too it was just how it grew to it.
Just there was no reason for it in the scene.
Yeah.
Again, again.
A little extra.
A little pop.
Just a little bit of...
I'm not even one that that usually bothers me, but this man was so...
That kissing noise was me, by the way.
I do that.
No, I want that to be very clear.
Why I make kissing noises.
And you have the power to edit, so please, for the love of God, you better keep in my
defense.
The point to that was just...
Yeah, I'm going to keep in your defense of you doing a thing.
That's very strange to defend.
I don't know.
It's fucked up.
The point to that was just that it was so gratuitous and so took me out of the movie,
actually.
Obviously, you paused the movie.
It didn't take me out.
It was very tense.
And everything that's happening is tense.
And then here's tense for no reason.
You know what, though?
I think...
You think it was a break on purpose?
No, because, okay, by this point...
It took me out of it.
I was like, what the hell?
The director's ramping up the tension.
Right.
Starting with romantic comedy, which literally amicute leads into slight tension of parents
not speaking for 15 years, which leads into the tension of oversleeping for a date, which
is a lot more severe than that, which leads to getting there and finding out a fucking
nuke is on the way.
Tension ramps up.
Then...
You're the only person that knows that.
But he is.
What I'm saying is we're all seeing it from his movie.
That's what I'm seeing.
This movie's ramping up, up, up, up, up.
So when we get to that...
But when we get to that gym scene, I think what's more tense for that person, that woman
who came out of the change room because she heard a commotion, was so freaked out, she
popped out and was like...
She was scared, right?
You're saying moving the tension off of him onto her?
No.
Offloading the tension?
I think that it's the overall tension around him.
It's like to build tension, you're going to see people freaking out around him that maybe...
Because he's warning through with a gun in his hand, by the way.
Yeah, it's also building tension in that much like the sky is falling.
He's either getting people to freak out or not and people are just looking at him like
a madman.
He's like, no, I'm the truth-teller.
So think about Chicken Little for a moment.
Even in that cartoon movie, could you imagine at one point Chicken Little screaming running
down the street and then one of the chickens opens up, she has a towel around her, she
just got out of the shower, right?
I think it's the same kind of vibe where he's going through this gym.
You get the reality of in a freaked out, tense situation where people are kind of like, whatever,
you would have a new person coming out.
Anyway, I didn't intend to spend so much time, but of course it's the Fried Rice Podcast
and for some weird reason we do tend to talk about the nudity quite a bit.
Well, just whether it should be or shouldn't be used.
So in this situation, it's a half and half.
Well, kind of, but the whole thing for me, everything was deserted up to this point in this movie, too.
This was like a deserted L.A. It was very weird.
Yeah, there was a point in the part...
L.A. was deserted, but then all these people were working out.
There was a point from the moment that he rolls out of the back of that like food truck or whatever.
Yeah.
Getting to all the points that he gets to, it felt, you know how like, you know those old school
like LucasArts like point and click adventures?
Everything was so drawn out and fucking weird.
And this is kind of where I was getting up in the beginning where it's like, I guess, yeah,
but like where logical edits weren't there in that way because everything was so drawn out
that it felt like you're just kind of panicking trying to beat the game.
And you're just like, you're just asking everybody a fucking question over and over again.
It's kind of strange and speaks to the tension of this movie.
We're saying it's long and drawn out.
You've said that several times, drawn out, drawn out, drawn out.
This movie's only an hour and a half from beginning to end.
And actually of that, only an hour of it is even tense.
The first half of 20 minutes is not anything.
So this all, we're saying it feels drawn out, but yet it all takes place in an hour of real time.
I don't think it feels drawn out.
And also to your point about LucasArts is I do see your point.
If he was the main character in LucasArts game, he's basically going up to all the different NPCs.
At one point.
Trying to find the quest item.
Literally, you're right.
In that gym scene, he's just running up to random people because it's the only place that had people.
So I know.
OK, so it's 4 a.m. at this point, 4, 2 to 5, right?
Right.
That's gym time for people who live in L.A. because people who live in L.A. start working.
You were saying it was weird that they should already been busy streets and stuff.
That's what I'm saying.
Well, they were all kind of ignoring him, too.
The streets were deserted.
Yeah, but the streets are deserted about 4 o'clock in the morning in L.A.
No, but they still were at 4.50.
And I know they're pretty busy at 4.50 a.m. in L.A.
No, no.
But maybe not in 1988.
No, because people still work nine to five jobs.
The traffic from 6 to fucking 9 o'clock to noon in L.A. is horrendous.
And you wouldn't be able to go anywhere without seeing a bunch of cars, right?
Right.
But I've been in L.A. leaving somewhere at like four or five in the morning.
And when you're just out there, I mean, I know what you're saying.
It wouldn't be deserted, deserted.
This was one of those situations where they were probably just waiting for people to like not be around to film their scene.
Right.
And they probably closed off real streets or whatever they did, wherever they filmed.
In the middle of the night, right.
Even if this was this L.A.?
Yes, it was L.A.
It was after.
All right. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
The Orange County.
Yeah, the Tar Pits.
Yeah, I'm fucking I'm the only one I've had like three.
You're also the only one here from L.A., aren't you?
Well, yeah.
Near the area.
Right.
So now he's yeah.
But like an MP, like a like a fucking LucasArts character, he's running down in this gym going, can you fly a fucking helicopter?
Can you fly a helicopter?
Reach into inventory, grab gun, shoot an arrow.
Can you fly a helicopter?
Can you?
Oh, you can?
Great.
Can I take my boyfriend?
Excellent.
Let's get Finley veiled.
Can I get Leslie?
Yeah.
And then, yeah.
Big reveal.
Yeah.
This dude.
Yeah.
So that.
But OK, I see that's one of those choices by the director, I think, where it's like cool
because he in the 80s, these were bold choices in the 80s.
You wouldn't like it's who framed gay characters in positive lights and what isn't positive
about already the most masculine person on on the screen.
Very cool.
Calm demeanor.
I mean, he's a proper pilot.
His fucking answer to can can you fly a helicopter?
Yeah, I can do Huey's.
I can do whatever I can do this.
I'm a little choppy on combat.
And it's like, I think we'll be OK.
Thanks, dude.
You don't need to worry about it.
So then so then they're leaving.
And he goes, can I get I need to get Leslie?
Oh, yeah.
Go for it.
Yeah.
And then he comes back with a guy.
Oh, she'd be great with Julie.
You know, sure.
Yeah.
Then he comes back with a guy and he goes, is any problems?
And I think here's the one thing.
I'm not going to say yes, here's the one thing, though, the main character guy should have just immediately said, like, oh, no problem.
Let's go.
But he did take the slightest second because it is 1980s prejudice.
I mean, just like he probably did the math in his head.
Hmm.
You know what?
If I homophobe right now, I do not get in helicopter.
Yeah.
So sometimes if you're listening out there and you're a big it will stop listening.
I don't need you.
But if you are listening out there, you're big and I can't get rid of you.
You bastard.
You know, sometimes it just pays to be not a fucking homophobe or not a fucking racist just to it'll get you save your own.
Exactly.
So be selfish and not a homophobe or whatever.
You know, that works as a public service service.
Yeah.
OK.
So anyway, he we sort of skipped.
Oh, we skipped probably the most.
The most disjointed.
It's a little disjointed, so we're popping around places, guys, but the movie does anyway, too.
You can't at some point he goes to a gas station.
Oh, yes.
And at this gas station, oh, yeah, he meets Bubba from Forrest Gump.
He becomes a cop.
Right.
Well, he doesn't necessarily become one.
I think Bubba from from Forrest Gump becomes a cop killer.
I don't think even Bubba from I mean, technically, neither one.
His justification, they didn't have it was incompetence on the cops part.
For sure.
It was everyone's everyone's a little bit of fault here.
Really, really getting into it.
It's it's the it's the main character's fault because he went up to a no.
He found so he found a oh, no, he stops.
OK, that's what it is.
He stops Bubba driving like Bubba's drive out of the back.
He he goes.
He steals.
What do I do in the middle of the back?
The bad guy earlier, because I don't know why.
When you said he was a thief, he's not really the thief.
He 100 percent when he pulls him over, he points the gun at him and the guy.
Bubba's just selling speakers.
But where do you think he got the speakers, Mike?
From his friend down the street who got him speakers for cheap.
Mike, you never met Bubba.
Mike, when he sees the cops later.
Oh, shit, I'm doing five years.
He goes, I got I'm going to get I'm going to get time.
But you still don't know the guy.
The guy goes, I'm going to get another guy, the owner of the gas station.
Yeah. So he pulls over Bubba.
He had another name.
His name wasn't Bubba in this, but that's how you recognize him.
Bubba from Forrest Gump.
He and he's he's much thinner like this.
Yeah, well, you can tell it's a it's a good five or six years or whatever earlier.
So pulls him over.
They go to the gas station.
They but one just for taxicabs, which I didn't know was a fucking thing.
That's weird.
Taxi cab only.
I wasn't aware of that.
I didn't even pick up on that.
So I said, get gas.
He's like, pull over here.
Hey, man, that's just for taxis.
It's like, well, just pull over.
And he he gives the guy 20 bucks, tells him to go get fuel.
He goes up to the window.
You get like, you know, probably ex-Vietnam Army guy, gas guy who's got a fucking sawed
off shotgun in the back.
He comes out.
They're all kind of standing there and sort of a Mexican standoff type situation.
Oh, OK.
And they basically see I get so distracted when people walk away.
There's nothing I can do.
Let's talk more shit about Jesse.
About you.
You know what?
I like his hair, too.
We're just going to be honest.
He's good.
The way he comes it.
I wish I could pull that off.
And you know what?
You pull off.
Yeah.
The clothes.
His movie reviews are pretty good.
Yeah, he's pretty good.
He gets like he actually pays attention.
He does pay attention.
Unlike some of our reviewers who don't pay attention or maybe are driving while they're
watching.
Be quiet.
Everyone's around us, you know, because it's no one ever leaves my apartment.
No, I'm talking about those people who drive while they watch the movie.
Oh, shit.
And they're errands while they watch the movie.
Well, I don't.
I'm talking about you, Andrew.
I don't watch the movie while I drive.
I put it on upside down.
I turn the screen off.
I do everything I can to not be distracted.
I just listen to the audio.
No, this isn't getting played for the cops.
I just want to know why you miss parts of the movies because you were driving.
Hopefully you weren't paying attention to this road as much, which is why you would
miss parts.
Which is good.
Red lights is screen time.
OK.
You turn the screen off.
I'm going to turn the lights off.
What are we fucking doing right now?
We're killing time.
He's got a good voice.
Works on podcasts.
Anyway, and now we finish our talking shit on Jesse Portman.
And that's all about talking shit about Jesse Portman.
Move on to the next part.
So where were we?
Gas station guy.
So the cops ran in the pool.
So we got a Mexican standoff of like Vietnam guys got the gun pointed at the Bubba Gump.
Whoa, Latin American standoff?
No, I think it's specifically a Mexican standoff for history reasons.
That's the historical term.
Jesse, don't try to cancel us.
The alamo.
We're going to get that done ourselves.
Sorry, I thought we were on the don't be a bigot train.
We are.
Oh.
See, but I think you're making it.
But by calling attention to it, I think you actually make it worse.
We went through this before.
Attention to it is the worst part.
Yes, I agree.
I think it's a fine line, some thin ice.
You're a fine line.
I say we just they're at the gas station.
And you have the Mexican standoff.
Okay, well, now I'm not going to say there's a standoff of unspecific national origin.
Just some sort of standoff.
Hell, I don't want to be ableist.
It's just an off.
It would never happen in a spaghetti western of any type.
Oh, wait, spaghetti western.
Is that offensive?
Yep, it's offensive to people who like linguini.
Let's just fucking I don't know.
But they're having an off.
And I don't fuck.
I lost it.
So anyway, what what Bubba Gump decides to do as they're arresting the Vietnam guy for having a shotgun is he takes the gas out and he fucking sprays the cop with it and he sprays both the cars.
You got to get the fuck away.
I get it.
Yeah, he's douses them with gasoline and then he fucks off.
Right.
OK, now that's one way to get away from the cops.
I'm a cop and I got sprayed with gasoline. I'd be like, well, shit, I certainly can't shoot my gun anymore.
Let me put this back in my in my holster.
I'm going to chase this guy down.
Maybe a baton.
Exactly.
So she shoots her gun off in the air immediately to get attention to get it.
Hey, stop it.
It's spraying gas on me and my partner and then engulfs herself in fire.
Her partner, another smart one, runs over, he's like, let me help you.
He's also covered in gas.
And he gets covered in fire.
And now Bubba Gump's a cop killer.
He's killed two cops all because some nukes may or may not be coming, according to a pay phone call.
And by association, our hero is also a cop killer.
Well, he was there.
Yeah.
To the cops when they're later yelling for him, he's cop killer.
Our hero directly caused two cops to die by all of his actions.
You know what?
Ship caused two fucking cops to die.
It's actually Ship who couldn't keep his mouth shut.
You know what?
Julie caused two cops to die.
Because she couldn't be understanding and wait three more hours for the guy.
Motherfucker.
You know?
If she had been there, if Julie had been there, then he would have never had to answer the phone.
That's right.
They would have walked off and died one hour later.
Who would have answered the phone?
Plaguration.
It would have been the crazy guy, the schizo dude.
The schizo dude no one would have believed.
Oh my God.
It's at the top of the tower.
And then an hour later they'd all explode.
I immediately thought that Sponge was his name, as I think I figured out.
I thought maybe he was like the son of, or like the dad of Chip maybe.
Oh yeah, it was.
Until you realized that it was not going to be because of the orange thing.
So now we've got Cop Killer and oh, so they fuck off.
Do they fuck off together or do they split off?
Yeah, they fuck off together because you go get his sister.
They jump in the cop car and they take off.
They took the cop car, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they take the cop car and they fuck off.
This must have been during your Postmates run.
I remember.
So they do that and then what happened?
They jump in the cop car and they go, we have to go get my sister.
He has to go get his sister.
You don't got time for your sister, right?
And then he steals the cop car from him, right?
Yeah, he goes to Julie's place.
He says honk in four minutes.
Yeah.
And then he fucks off.
Yeah.
And then he picks up a comatose valium lady.
Yeah.
Which I don't remember that.
Oh yeah, no, I remember him.
So he goes.
He's getting her one.
He meets the business end of a Winchester from the fucking.
So the main guy, they're both getting their females.
One sister, one sister.
Yeah.
Okay, perfect.
I forgot that he was getting a sister.
I wondered why he showed up later just holding a dead person.
Right.
How does the cop.
So, okay, now.
Because he was a cop killer and the cops shot him on the way in.
I was paying attention and I'll say this.
What the fuck happened to that guy?
Because Bubba Gump just randomly later on the movie, they're just
in some separate area.
The public just crashes into a mall.
As fate would have it.
The cops after he went and got his sister because he was driving
the car that was the cop killer car.
So they were they were chasing and shooting at him.
Okay.
That's how they got to the mall entrance.
Bottom layer of the hotel.
Welcome to the segment where Annie remembers.
No, yeah.
Where he runs his errands while watching the movie.
Yeah, fuck.
All right, listen.
So they come back together after saving their two respective.
Yeah, he gets Julie.
He lies to her a bunch.
Right.
He says like, oh, nothing's wrong.
He tells everyone around her to lie to her.
Don't tell her what's happening since mom and dad off.
Yeah.
So now they're cool.
They're kissing.
At what point?
OK.
At what point?
You assume some old lady man sex is just wait because they they go
to the helicopter pad.
They meet that guy who's just crazy guy.
The crazy guy.
They meet him.
Who is a total normal yuppie guy.
He's in movies.
He's like he's like a principal or a vice principal of something.
That's what we should look at.
What his name is is the actors.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
I should have had that loaded up because I do recognize him.
It's yeah.
Yeah.
It's Kurt Fuller plays Gerstead.
He plays Ghostbusters 2.
Yeah.
He's hard to mire.
Oh, hey, Rosen ground with Nicolas Cage.
Yeah.
Nick, maybe that's our next movie.
I don't know.
Let's not get carried away.
But he's in a bunch of night court.
Rest in peace.
Bowl.
Yeah, bowl just passed away.
Oh, we're getting it back to a few weeks ago for us.
Yeah.
Dungeon Master Dungeon Master died.
No fucking way.
Yeah.
Yesterday.
I'm on my phone this morning.
You think he had a chance to listen to our podcast?
Is that out?
Is that it?
It came out a few weeks ago.
But I'm too busy being available.
Oh, was he still on my court?
No, probably.
He was.
Was he in the new one?
No, he's not the new one.
Yeah.
Oh, OK.
Yes.
But this dude, you're the new night court.
OK, this doesn't matter.
What are we doing?
I don't know.
You got way off, Andy.
Speaking of what we're smoking today, really we're.
I got to come up with music for Andy Panditz.
Oh, my God.
That would be great.
So, great.
We'll just have a little trailer play.
Yeah, this will help me remember the first.
For future context, you start hearing that music.
Just know to skip ahead maybe 30 seconds.
Yeah, perfect.
Hit the 30 second skip button.
Andy's got some bullshit.
Oh, look at him litter.
So the Miracle Mile, is this some real place in L.A., by the way?
No, I don't think so.
Well, there might be a street that people refer to.
That's cool.
See how that looks?
Yeah.
High def is fucking weird compared to what this looks like.
Well, if the movie looked like this all time, I would have been way more immersed, I think.
OK, you know what I'm saying?
He just hit a tree.
Yeah, and the rats.
And the rats falling.
Oh, man.
There's so much foreshadowing.
I phoned this first party.
But he.
Oh, look.
That's the part you saw, right?
Yeah, yeah.
God, this is great for the listeners at home, us watching a silent trailer from where we
just watched.
Yeah.
So anyway, there's the right.
This is distracting to hell out of us.
I'm moving on.
We're going to look back at six X nine anyway.
So OK, so they he meets up with the he meets up with Julie.
He brings her to the helicopter pad.
There's a helicopter.
Then they need a pilot.
So that's when they go to the gym.
Meantime, he's supposed to shoot, Bubba.
You skipped a bunch of part.
No, no, Bubba hasn't happened yet.
Yes.
No, they're the helicoptor man.
We're at the point where they're picking up because the first time they go to the helicopter
pad, they're like the first time there's actually a helicopter here.
None of the people that set it up like the pilot, whatever, no pilot, nothing.
But there's someone up there who's like, I was told to bring a helicopter here.
I can't fly it.
You know, give me some money, blah, blah, blah.
The fuck's going to fly this far in the mine?
Yeah.
So anyway, they need to go find a helicopter pilot.
I like the infinite amount of money that he had also.
Because he took it.
I think she gave him some money.
I don't know.
He stole it from someone.
Who gives a shit?
Here's $20.
Get gas.
That's going to be $50 if you want gas.
Here's $1,200 for lobsters we could go throw in the ocean.
Right.
Remember that shit?
That was another, yeah, yeah.
Going back on it.
Yeah, that was the big, what a bad time to get caught in a big flex moment where you
go like, hey, let's go save these lobsters.
I'm charming.
Yeah.
Oh, that's $1,200 for all those.
Fuck, we better only get three.
Yeah.
For a first date.
Right.
For a first date.
They go to a lobsters.
Which is why he's going to fuck his eyes.
Oh, so believable.
Right.
Yeah, dude.
Because he'd save some lobsters.
He didn't even get to second base.
Maybe a little bit, maybe a little bit when he carried her.
Yeah.
Which is not cool.
That would be not cool, right.
When you're carrying someone's safety, it's underneath the knees and underneath the armpits.
You don't touch anything else.
Come on.
Or I don't know how to carry people.
I'm not a firefighter.
But stay away from their boobies.
That's what we're saying, I guess.
Unless they're on fire.
Unless they're on, I guess it's on fire.
If their boobies are on fire, I'm sure they'd rather have boobies.
Put them out.
Yeah.
Extinguish on fire titties.
Right.
Only time, though, is if they're on fire.
Yeah.
Otherwise, don't touch.
Or if they're smothering.
But listen, you people out there, we're not.
You can't set them on fire.
We're not beating figuratively on fire, either.
Yeah.
Don't just say like, damn, that chick's tits are fire, and then go put them out, quote unquote.
Right, yeah.
You stupid assholes.
Idiots.
We're not talking to you.
I'll fight you.
Yeah.
Jesse's here.
He'll fight you.
I support you.
Yeah.
So they go.
So anyway, he tells Julie to stay up on the helipad.
And he's like, if I'm not back in however long, leave without me.
He goes down, finds the one place open.
It's a gym.
He goes into the gym.
He starts running around like a madman, asking everybody if they are helicopter pilots.
No one is, surprisingly.
And then he meets the guy.
Oh, these jazz aerobics people?
None of them are?
None of them.
But then we get the gratuitous nudity, according to Mike.
Very quick, brief one.
And a very brief, little pop, just a little zing.
That, ladies and gentlemen, was both of them.
That was actually both of them.
That was the second time it was Andy with me involved.
Yeah, it was.
It's almost like weakest.
So maybe that could be the tangent sound.
Sure, if we need something at the top.
So he goes down.
He finds a helicopter pilot.
They go.
They're running back.
Then he hears Julie running around trying to find a helicopter pilot.
He's like, what the fuck is she doing down here?
And then he goes and he finds her.
I think the helicopter pilot just fucked off to the building.
And then something happened along the way.
I also like how he goes, stay there from, I don't know, 70 stories up.
Yeah.
The main guy.
Yeah, I forget his name, but she's like, we'll call him Andy.
Andy!
From all the way down, he goes, wait a minute.
OK.
He's having a 70 story conversation.
It is the dead of L.A.
You're absolutely right.
Zero people around.
Your voice can carry on a silent sound stage.
Which I'm beginning to wonder.
So with all the scenes that you're like, presumably this is not a very high budget film.
Right.
But it's not low.
Mike says it's not low.
It's not low.
It's just average.
I don't know.
I don't remember.
But I remember thinking it was a B movie and then looking and it really wasn't.
These are two top of the line actors at the time.
Where they spent the money was like the fucking car pile up.
Oh, yeah.
That absolutely had to have been in a city.
It had a budget of 3.7 to 4 million.
Right.
It made 1.1.
Right.
But you got to remember this is also 1988, not now.
So it's a 20 million dollar movie now.
That's still a loss.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, I meant the actual budget of it, though, was not super low.
It was pretty standard for an indie film.
The guy that played Chip, the voice of Chip, the voice of Chip, if you're just curious at home.
Our late dear Chip.
Played Dr. Archibald Hopper on Once Upon a Time.
And if you aren't familiar with that show, that means he's not just Dr. Archibald Hopper.
He's also the name is in the name Archibald Hopper.
He's Jiminy Cricket in Once Upon a Time.
So there it is, ladies and gentlemen.
That's the if you're just thinking if you wanted.
If you were thinking, oh, I recognize Chip's voice from 35 years before that show came out.
That's that's what it was.
As it turns out.
Oh, it turns out it's not Keegan Michael Key that plays Roger.
Oh, it's Danny De La Paz.
Got it.
You know, my mistake.
One of the Beverly Hills chicks.
Beverly Hills chick one is was a private Vasquez and aliens.
That's so that that was kind of the weird thing, too, is that there were so many people in so many other movies.
We're like very auxiliary background people for whatever fucking reason.
Peter Berg is in this.
He's one of the he's one of the just random people.
Right. Wait a minute.
Who directed this book?
Yeah, I didn't even look who did direct this.
Steven Day Jarnot.
Oh, wow.
Not a lot.
Oh, Jerry 2000, though, which is another future sport with a writer on Future Sport.
Yeah.
Future Sport wrote and directed this.
What the fuck did it strange brew?
That's one.
What is Future Sport?
We're watching this.
If this is on Tubi, we're watching the future sport.
This film is set in 2025 and centers on a sport called Future Sport, a combination of basketball, baseball, Wesley Snipes.
Yeah, no, it's this rule.
I was going to say it's Wesley Snipes.
Wait, that's not Matt Damon.
No, that's Dean Cain.
That's Superman.
Dean Cain, Superman.
Is that Dean Cain?
Oh, Vanessa Williams.
Wait a minute, Vanessa Williams.
I'm saying this is all star.
OK, it's a combination of basketball, baseball and hockey that uses hoverboards and rollerblades.
No, listen, you guys are you guys aren't even you're sleeping on.
Yeah, no, it's the sport is called Future Sport.
That's the least it's called Future Sport.
It's a combination of basketball, baseball and hockey on mother fucking hoverboard that uses hoverboard and rollerblade.
Why?
OK, are the are the goalies on rollerblades?
Let the speculation begin.
Why does Future Sport exist?
It's created as a nonlethal way to reduce gang warfare.
Trey Ramsey, Trey Ramsey, American Alliance in the Pan Pacific.
Dane, Dean Cain, along with his ex-girlfriend, Vanessa Williams and his old coach.
Oh, Mike Fix.
Oh, my fix.
Oh, big.
Wesley Snipes made for TV must prevent must prevent an all out war between the North American Alliance and the Pan Pacific Commonwealth.
This is a made for TV movie.
Oh, I know. I love it.
At stake is who rules over the Hawaiian Islands, which are being terrorized by by J.R.
Byrne and his gang, the Hawaiian Liberate Liberate Liberation Organization or Hilo or Hilo.
Oh, boy. And it takes a revolutionary sport to stop a revolution.
It takes a revolution.
That's the tagline.
Or stop a revolution.
OK. Hey, it says it right there in twenty twenty five.
Yeah, you're goddamn right.
It has to be right there.
Of course, there's only one tiny picture on Wikipedia that we can man.
Whoever wrote that, like typed it, got to the very last word and then instantly orgasm.
Like that was his.
Where can we watch?
The resistance of his writing.
Here's the one star rating twenty three.
Oh, boy.
It's a twenty three percent zero audience score.
Oh, it's a zero on twenty three percent doesn't even rate on a meter.
Maybe this is a bad idea.
What's just going down this tangent?
We've talked so much about this.
We have to watch it.
It's a bad idea.
Maybe we can do another one called Leftover.
Are you sure it's a bad idea?
Take one more look at that picture of Dean Cade holding a goddamn hoverboard and tell me that it's a bad idea.
I'm not saying it is a good live watch.
Look at LA Rush.
No, that's like Los Angeles rush.
Yes.
Is that a real team?
Is it not a real team?
I don't know. I think it might be of hoverboard rollerblade.
I think every picture is Dean Cade looking.
Look at the fucking he looks like a cyborg down there.
I see.
OK.
For people at home, we're looking at the cover of Future Sport, which is the cover of a venture rising.
It's a planet for some reason.
And above it are three heads, Dean Cade, Vanessa Williams and Wesley Snipes.
They couldn't fit all their names on the top.
So it's Dean Cade, Vanessa Williams and then underneath Future Sport, Wesley Snipes as fix.
I like how they had to say as fix as if you would be confused as to who Wesley Snipes was.
Which was Wesley?
Yeah.
And then underneath this pretty lady with blue eyes, underneath this event horizon is a picture of Kano from Mortal Kombat wearing hockey pads on his arm, a big star in his chest.
He's holding a Wonder Woman style pole weapon and he's got a helmet in his hand and a hoverboard.
He's wearing rollerblades on a pad.
This and he's standing in some sort of.
Skateboard.
Oh, it's maybe the best photo for a movie I've ever seen.
I mean, wallpaper side.
Yeah.
So, OK, so that's one of his movies.
Yeah.
Future Sport.
I've never wanted to watch anything more.
Sherry 2000.
Oh, OK.
And then he did a movie called Strange Brew.
Yeah.
Oh, you don't know Strange Brew?
Yeah.
Well, Bob and Doug.
Hose it right.
You guys listen, just because I was momentarily put off by the name because I didn't immediately recognize this.
The Rick Moran is kind of classic skit that they did.
Easy guy.
I'm an easy partner.
No, Mike, just he he came at me hard on that.
I don't know.
You said you guys you included me in that.
Yeah.
Just because why is it strange?
All right.
But anyway, that's the director, Steve.
So what?
Dick, how do you not know what strange?
So Julian, Julian, the fucking main guy, they end up running into a mall and out of nowhere, Bubba Gump crashes the fucking police car through the wall.
He's got his dead girlfriend in his arm behind him yelling cops are behind him.
Cop killer.
We're come out with your hands up.
He dies.
His girlfriend's dead.
Well, that's the choice after he's asking our hero to kill him.
Well, yeah, yeah.
And he doesn't do it.
He does ask.
Well, he almost does.
Yes, he puts it.
Yeah.
He goes, listen, man, I'm about to die anyway.
Just kill me.
And he's like, all right.
And so he, like, kind of points the gun at him and the public of dies.
He's like, all right.
I don't have to murder.
And then the girlfriend real crazy, like if we're just talking about choices that she made, it's just like she's like, hey, listen, we're going to blame everything on these two on these two.
They did.
They're dead.
Yeah.
We were just bystanders.
Let's just walk out.
And so actually, what's a I mean, a phenomenal kind of scene if you really think about it is one of the most tense, one of the most tense situation ready to accept the potential.
You're about to die.
Yeah.
You have your hands up.
They think you're a cop killer.
You're walking out to cops pointing guns at you.
You think you're about to die.
It's a slow walk.
Julie goes ahead of him and then go silent.
But in the background, you hear yelling, indistinct yelling, and then people getting into their cars and cars skidding off.
Right.
And when they when him and her eventually get to the front, all the cops are fucked up except for the one except for one that comes off the roof.
Yeah.
One repels and runs off.
Oh, my God.
I forgot about that.
That was a mistake.
No, you're right.
They left you behind except for Lyle.
I forgot Lyle.
Yeah.
I assume his name is repels off a rope just randomly right in front of them.
Gets his car.
They fuck off.
And that's where it kind of I like how maybe he was up there going like, I thought we were in the middle of a thing here.
No, no, guys.
I was about to repel it.
Man, I had this whole thing set out.
I was going to like, I was on the floor.
It's going to be I had this whole thing.
I had a catchphrase.
I was going to set off an alarm.
It'll distract them on the third floor.
It was going to look so cool.
And I come down and I'm like, no, they forgot about Lyle.
I was going to come slide down on the escalator ribbon thing and it was going to.
Well, guys, very odd choice.
What happened is the police fucked off.
And at that moment, I think even the audience can take a moment to be like, oh, something's going to happen.
And it's somehow except for the guy.
The guy who still goes, it could I could still be chicken little.
I don't know.
Still, that's when he goes, you know, OK, it's because that's when that's finally when he brings that up.
It's because, yeah, it's he goes, he goes, well, shit like he's starting to see the chaos that's being chaos.
Did I cause all the chaos?
This shit. Am I chicken little fucking L.A. right now?
And it hits him. He's like, oh, fuck, which would have been hilarious to end the movie.
How proud to have that happen.
Had had had missile strikes not happened, though.
There's no fucking proof of you doing this.
So you kind of just walk away. No, except for you're a cop killer.
The two cops on him, let him on fire.
You let on fire. But they knew because they were chasing them.
Julie knows who he is and the diner.
No, she is down, though. That's the thing.
Oh, yeah, she's established. She's in their Bonnie and Clyde.
Yeah, for sure. Well, what about the diner crew?
He's the hero. Right. I keep forgetting.
It sounds like he almost just causes more chaos.
He's actually maybe what we don't ever know.
No one's a hero. It does tell the truth.
Everyone's fucking dead. So.
But so anyway, they go into the building to go back up to the helicopter.
The only thing that doesn't change is war. War never changes.
Except with future sport, because with future sport, future sport stops all wars.
This is a bizarre timeline where the strike didn't happen.
Where can we watch future sport?
I mean, if it's not a fucking TV, if it's oh, my God, please watch movie, watch movie, watch movie, to be.
Oh, my God. It does the link work. Yes. Oh, my God.
Please vote for it. Our worst movie.
It might be. But if we don't watch you did.
You made me do two Nick Cage movies in a row.
Let me do two Stephen DeGeneres movies.
Oh, man, I hope we're not there yet. I hope we do future sport.
OK. Oh, no, that just distracts us. Exactly.
There we go. No, we got to watch Night Court.
Would that be a thing? I'm sorry.
So they get in the elevator, the elevator breaks down.
And for like so like there's no no, I mean, they're running through.
That's the whole thing, too, with what I was talking about, the production, the amount of fucking pile up and all the shit that goes on.
No, no, wait, but that happens with the car.
No, no, they get in the elevator after the wait.
You got to remember this was 1988 for that budget.
That was some amazing stuff. That's a lot of shit.
You're telling me he goes through the sewer getting shot at by that and somehow miraculously ends up in the fucking hotel lobby.
Yes. Or whatever lobby. Yeah.
Where he runs everywhere they were in the diners.
He gives Julie the gun and goes, you don't realize there's no bullets right there, too.
You just point at people. They are right by the fucking one block.
This whole movie. Yeah, really. This whole movie is one block.
OK, they go a long round way just to get to a block away.
I'm smoking weed one thought at a time. So you're telling me that all that shit that happens when he's walking out into the just pure chaos that like like that was insane.
Like he goes into the diner for two seconds.
Julie does actually he gets on the pay phone to go call dude chips that. Yeah.
And then she goes in there. There's some lady looking at her flowers, you know, but she doesn't know that.
But I know that's fun. And then so she bails and then amongst all this chaos, some dude tries to grope her, whatever.
Get out of here. He screams at her or at the dude.
And then he goes, here's the gun. You just pointed at people. There's no bullets. They don't know that.
Be gone. And then I have to because he thinks that he sees the fucking helicopter guy who is just some guy in a Spider-Man outfit basically.
And then goes and sees him. Not the guy. And it's not him.
And then he jumps off of the top of a truck, ends up on top of a car.
The guy wildly shoots at him from the inside of the car.
He then fucks off from the car and then the guy chases. Yeah. OK.
The guy manages to crawl through all these fucking bodies with the other guy that crossed.
I want to pay to shoot at him. I want to paint this picture. Total chaos at the end.
If you have given seen this movie. So the end is like like we said, tension.
We assume you're going to watch this movie if you're if you've gotten this far. But anyway, I mean, this is the longest we've ever talked about a movie.
I think one of the better movies we've watched and one of the worst.
I just nothing wrong with this movie. Not a damn thing.
And this is definitely not the moon lap scene. The show. Two hours.
I'll say, dude, I'll say this. OK, that's true. No, no, it's real.
Isn't it? Yeah, that's true. No, the movie's real time. It's not shot in real time, but it's real.
Yeah, but I'm saying it's real time. The movie's real time. But like there's a whole like moon scene where it's like the moon moves like it goes a long way.
It's one hour fucking DVD player screen saver basically of a moon one hour just to have him go.
Oh, fuck. I woke up late. You know, like, oh, it's not real time.
Oh, no, the movie didn't come real time to the phone. I guess not. Yeah. Yeah.
But I mean, it's real time in that going back on it feels that way. But until the phone call, it's not real.
It's all day. No, for sure. Yeah, it's all day. But I mean, that was all in the same day.
So he jumps on this car and this guy who's his car.
My dude, there's a car on car pile pile.
We're talking cars are comically dukes of hazard flying over other cars and exploding.
And this dude sitting in his car, he's pissed off.
Obviously, anyone would be. And you're sitting in your car going like, well, fuck, I'm going to like.
I mean, like at that point, I'd be like, well, shit, my car is going to get fucked up.
Everything's fucked. What are we doing? Well, everybody already knows they're all dead at this point.
Well, no, because he probably didn't know about the new keys probably on his way to work.
It's five. It was radio. And so if you saw they were on the TV announcing and he broke the windows so everybody could hear.
Oh, yeah. No, everybody knows that's what the panic is now.
Everyone was kind of driving to the point. So anyway, he jumped on top of the of the car.
And you're right. You start shooting at him. But so I get that I get just firing randomly upwards.
I don't care. Yeah. Get off my car. But the amount of anger this guy gets, the amount of.
So he lets it all out on our main character. So he's like, no.
But so the main character fucks off his car, gets down, starts crawling for some reason under cars with these cars.
They not necessarily could have just ran, but he starts crawling underneath cars,
finds a sewer and starts going into it. But the whole time that fucking fat fucking whatever you do is T one thousand
and is on his ass with a revolver firing at him. And just he goes impossible angles, blind shooting into a shooting, into a sewer, almost hitting him several times.
And then the main guy ends up you're saying he comes out of that sewer in the hobby, the lobby and the bathroom that somehow got connected to all those tunnels.
And then they get in the hell. And then they get they go into the elevator for a far too long fucking scene.
Well, they had to have a comp. They had to get their last.
They had to establish that they loved each other, which fucking I mean, I guess we're going to.
If you're going to if you're going to condense and consolidate the time that you have to be able to signify that you love somebody in the heat of a impending nuclear attack, a toy.
Or yeah, yeah, you know, you don't have a lifetime. Your lifetime is 10 minutes. So you go through all the emotions, I guess, of psycho fucking until you get to the floor at the twenty eighth floor.
You hit pause and get undressed. And then by the 30th floor is where the roof is.
It's 30 stories. And so you got two floors left. Get it done. But the elevator, do they fuck? No, they don't fuck.
We don't know. Controversial moment. It's we don't know. They don't fuck.
I'll say this, because I are not blue to your point, Jesse. You can take any high stakes situation that feels high stakes.
Like so like take prom night. Right. When you're in high school and you go to prom night, there's a lot of expectation, a lot of high stakes, a lot of like ritual, a lot of like this.
There's so much to it that it's not just a dance. It's not just another date with your girlfriend. It's not just whatever. It's momentous. And it's something you have to plan for and something that you want to last.
So many moments you're looking for. Yeah. You need a cement.
But damn it. OK. OK. Well, took a very beautiful thing that I was saying and turned it filthy. But all right. Thanks, Jesse. So, yeah, I lost my track.
I was going to say, so all right, take impending nuclear war. That is also very high stakes. It's not the same feeling of trying to plant a prompt, but I'm saying you can condense a lot of high emotion into funneled out into whatever it's going to be.
So I see that elevator scene as two people being like, fuck it. I love you because I would have eventually.
It's not fucking though. It's not fucking like I'm not going to. I've been hiding this for so long. I don't know, because there were so many artistic choices in this movie.
And then and then, yeah, that that thing. This is a weird chick. You got to start with that premise. She's oh, my God.
What's wrong with her? She is first of all, I can't wake her up because she's on volume already.
She gets there's some weird things in the background. So bummed out over being ghosted. Yeah. That's what's about volumes. And then what are they trying to give her to wake her up after that?
Oh, diet pills, diet pills. I have some diet pills to wake her up. So she's a regular 80s person.
I don't know what the fuck are you talking about? Every adult in the 80s, a value to go to sleep and diet pills to wake up.
That's how the 80s work. Mr. Rogers neighborhood.
Just look at Valium and he did the same shit. He's the most wholesome person on the planet.
Hopped up on volume and diet pills. I don't know what to fucking tell you.
So the choice is he would open hand slap his wife. You know what I mean?
Like you wouldn't. It is a Mr. Rogers. Why not? Why not?
I'm just saying much like people in the 80s. Yeah, I we are to assume all these things about Rogers being a wife abuser.
Jesse, again, you're taking something beautiful and whimsical made for children and turning it into something wrong.
So they're in this elevator about the cosby did this is a gout. They tell each other that they love each other.
They get maybe 10 percent naked. They lose the top layer of some clothing.
And then you did not watch this very closely. You were on your phone, weren't you? No. OK.
Yes, you were making up passion. You were on your phone.
They're making up Ashley clothes are being removed. Wait, they pause the elevator.
Wait, it comes back on. It comes back on.
And they're at the top of the elevator now leaned against the side post.
Basically, they're not. They're hugging and doing that aftercare.
Dude, there's no they're in aftercare at this point.
Way that I yes, you were watching on your phone. OK, it's me.
I didn't catch that either. Let's go. Here we go. Let's find the we're going to last year.
The non sex scene sex scene. So here we go.
They're they're talking. Yeah.
Well, that's it's a very long non sex scene. So watch here.
Watch. I love you. I love you.
Everything's red. What the clothes come out.
We're not going to live anymore. We're not going to live anymore.
Why is there a choice here to take their clothes off?
It might have been warm. I don't even know if they take their clothes off. Hold on. Let's let's read.
OK, here we go. Here we go. Weird make out.
Hey, but you know, it's crazy. Thirty five years later, they're doing this in real life.
It's crazy. It is insane.
I bet it's better kissing than this fake kissing was then.
But I bet you might take a little more like Paula.
I bet you when they do when they make out, they picture the clothes.
See, this is exactly they're both disrobing for.
And then they write is there a you're telling me in the five floors.
Watch. Watch. I know that's my point about it being a horrible choice.
No, watch. OK, you're poking fun of how quick it was poking it voted out.
No. Oh, yeah. Now it's uncovered.
Like, OK, I'll stand up and do the best. They were about to fuck.
They were trying to show you to fuck.
OK, what they did not. I'll give it to you.
The point of it's the same. No.
You're you're not letting us keep it at the emotional point of say
you're specifically say these two people fucked.
I just pulled up evidence.
I challenge anybody listen to this podcast who's seen this movie
to tell me that those two people fought it up.
One hour, 18 minutes, 40 seconds. OK.
Yeah, exactly. What? What? Watch.
These are the 10 seconds. So OK. Just for the view. Wait, wait.
Just however, the whole scene and stand here.
The whole scene in the probably watch the whole scene, let it play out, play out to their.
OK. They were about to cut back.
Yeah. And then watch.
They just go back to the world because they're hiding from this guy.
I know from the crazy guy. I think he was saying he was fucking the corpse.
He was fucking a corpse. Andy. Yeah.
Well, that's what he was doing. All right. Hey, I see it.
I I didn't realize this the first run around.
That was my point. It was all a choice.
The juxtaposition of the love versus the crazy guy.
Yeah, that was the point. The director was OK. Great.
I 100 percent I follow that.
But I'll tell you one thing. They did not fuck in that elevator, Mike.
Yeah, that that guy got more ass than he did in the elevator.
That guy fucking that corpse.
Yes. Further with that corpse than he did in that elevator with her.
OK, it's metaphorical. But yes, it's.
I don't even.
You know, I don't see the dead horse here.
Well, he's been the dead horse, not you.
He would have to beat his horse because he didn't get any from this lady.
The other guy. Oh, yeah. He's fucking a dead horse.
But for I really please, for the love of God,
even if you're going to watch nothing else in your life,
watch from 18 minutes to 19 minutes.
Continue watching this crazy guys rant and it goes even further.
This is the way it goes. Yeah.
It's way before this. Yeah.
They start. They start on the first look how far they.
Oh, yeah. No, for sure. I know lights go out every.
Yes. Yeah. They're making out right.
She's got the whole thing is a four minute fucking scene.
Now watch. OK, so here's the thing. They're making out right now.
That he takes his jacket off.
She takes her jacket off now.
Now the elevator starts moving. It's going up floors.
It's going up floors.
They literally just started making out. Now they're at the thing.
That was the director showed you time passing, by the way.
Open just like the moon. No, I don't think that's a moon call.
And they look they stop because they didn't even get to fuck.
So, OK, but anyway, it's not a question.
OK, you know what? Everything's not literal.
I what the it's not.
No, this is this is the silliest thing we've ever argued about.
And I feel like I'm not going to fucking back down one bit.
Jesse, I'm going to get moderating.
I'm giving you full executive power one way or the other.
Did they fuck? And I will say I don't wait, wait, before before we say,
will you stand by Jesse's, Jesse's judgment?
I don't think he thinks that they find it.
I don't think they fucked. I think it's a metaphorical they.
They wanted to engage in a passionate love scene.
And he's saying that they want to contrast that with the guy violating a corpse.
Right. As to show the whatever.
I have eyes. I see a passionate love scene.
You said they fucked. I thought that's what we've been arguing about.
So it's just shorting it referred to the tape at some point.
You if you can find where I was, you just said you were going to accept his verdict.
He gave you his verdict and you're not accepting.
I'm accepting. Let's move on.
This sucks. I hate this shit.
Anyway, they blah, blah, blah.
I'm not going to make any getting confused music.
Honestly, I don't blame any because honestly, this is the part.
Andy did watch this very distracted dude shows up like a fucking house in this scene.
Yeah, he was watching on his phone between your phone going back and forth here.
So the Internet was going to post all the bullshit in the elevator.
Guy defiling the file, the violating is that when he worded it.
Nobody is finally see the helicopter. They lost all hope. Now they got hope.
The helicopters here. Helicopter just showed up.
Yeah, we got it. We got to give some hope now.
But I guess still standing in the background.
I'll tell you one thing. That pilot is not the guy.
What do you mean? No, no. Look at the guy.
Oh, you're talking about this helicopter and then look at the actor who's going to fly this helicopter.
Full gear up there. Yeah, we got to wait for this to go.
Can you actually see him? I'm waiting for the thing to go away.
Like blurs the top of the screen a little bit. You see that's not. Yeah.
Yeah, the guy's shirtless. Oh, yeah, that's not him. No, that's not.
Oh, yeah, that is. He's got head gear on the whole line.
You are. Anyway, they go into the helicopter.
All right, that's him. No, no, that's him.
But it's not the same guy. He's also seen sideways. Same.
For some reason, the big buff dude has changed clothes.
He's changed clothing, but he's also literally just spitting up blood.
It's blowing my mind. I reckon that's it from something and I cannot think of what it is.
I'm going to look it up in just a second. He's like in a Conan the Barbarian movie or something.
Anyway, they get into the helicopter. Oh, mind you. OK, so the yuppie from the very beginning is now somehow lost his mind on drugs.
Yeah. Yeah. That's the whole thing. He says he says I'm doing all the drugs, baby.
No, I get it. But I'm saying like, oh, that might have been a drug that might have been like OD person on the ground.
He might have been checking on them. No, he was zipping his pants up.
I didn't say how, but I will say there was like it looked like nitrous tanks and shit like that hanging around.
Oh, so he was getting he just said and he actually said the line.
He said the line. I fried my brain for nothing. Yeah.
Oh, but then earlier we did see one missile fly over them and all of the other way.
Right. It was like it was still it was coming this way, but from the ocean.
But everyone thought that or no, that's from North Dakota.
Whatever. Everyone thought it was going to hit like they thought, oh, shit, this is the one.
But then it went past them. He's like, it's going all the way to fucking one.
And I was like, oh, cool. Now we're looking at now they're standing on the roof.
They're in the helicopter. Three missiles are heading and they're dropping and they're heading right towards L.A.
This is such a gnarly scene. I do like the imagery of this.
This imagery of this fucking nukes. So the new goes off.
You see a very cool imagery of the yuppie guy getting fried.
Sarah Connor, Terminator two. Yeah.
You see some weird choices, but they're in the tarpets.
So they're fine. Looks like when it's being nuked.
And it's just shaking a little and it's shaking and losing power.
Oh, he actually says what we don't know.
He actually says the MP. Yeah, the control.
So the helicopter is now falling. But so one bomb went off and it was an MP.
Now, this scene implies almost because you see the mammoth, you see all that shit that they're going to go into the tarpets.
They do go in the tarpets. No, they don't. They go in straight water.
No, but that's the tarpets on top of the water. I guess there's water on the tarpets.
They float around all I think. I think what you're thinking of is like a cartoon representation of what tarpets would be like.
I'm black. The real ones don't. Yeah.
Once you step on it, you immediately get sucked into oblivion.
I don't think that's what tarpets are. No, I haven't been.
No, but I think they literally showed it bubbling up earlier. It's more viscous. It's more liquidy than you've been there.
They're in the tarpets right now. OK, yeah.
They're in it. I'm not denying that they were in the tarpets.
I'm saying that what they were using to represent the tarpets, I don't think is. I know.
I get what you're saying. Oh, yeah.
They couldn't they didn't represent what a tarpets experience would actually feel like.
This wasn't filmed in the tarpets. It's hard. I thought they didn't.
No, no, no. See, I get lost. I think it's done so well.
I think it will. Jesse, they're in the tarpets right now.
They're about to die. What are you talking about? It doesn't look like the tarpets.
Yeah, but it is very watery. Yeah, because that's how you're going to fill this.
But they did the imagery so well.
So anyway, he's now trying to you know, he will he's trying to comfort her best he can.
They're inside the helicopter. It's filling up with tarp at water.
That's basically just water and they're going to drown.
But what he says to her is kind of kind of profound.
He goes, he says, you know what? We're in the tarpets.
Maybe one day they'll dig us up and she's like, and they'll put us in a museum.
And he's like, maybe. And then she goes, or we just get blown up into atoms because that's how nukes work.
And we get all our atoms swirled up together. And he's like, yeah, maybe, maybe.
And so is that and then I think that's it. Yeah, that's pretty much the end.
So it's it's incredibly hopeless. It cuts to it cuts to a white.
He's like, maybe we get a direct hit.
We just what he says earlier earlier is foreshadowing that he says, I think it's the insects turn now.
Oh, yeah, that's right. Mike's Mike's favorite line. He told me that while I was watching.
He's like, he's like, what's going to happen?
And he says, I think it's the insects turn turn down to like, you know.
And so that is a good one. Overall, I mean, I feel like we gave all our opinions.
That was a fucking that was a that was a good solid review.
We don't typically go that that in depth. I give this movie a very high recommendation.
I'm just going to be straight up. I give it a B.
Plus, it's one of my favorite things we've watched on this on the show.
It is tense. It's I like the eerie kind of synth backdrop music that plays throughout the whole thing.
It's fun. It's nice to listen to. It was done by Tangerine Dream.
Yeah, which I've actually had. I have songs by them from other other, you know, like they just they do cool shit. Right.
It's so close to what I said. I have.
Let's see who is the who is the big motherfucker in Miracle Mile?
Oh, the big helicopter pilot guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's got a distinct face. I'd be able to point it out.
Well, there was a scar on his face on here. It's probably this dude.
Does he look like he has the face for it should say helicopter pilot on it?
Well, I know it says Babler is not that one.
Now, what's a Babler? I think Babler was the guy at the on the roof at the end.
Maybe. No, that's the other dude. OK. Yeah.
Well, shit should be on here. Right.
I can't. Oh, no, that's like no.
Well, again, I hope that guy's not him.
That's the big guy at the diner. No, I guess to see.
I'm just kidding. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's much, much, much later.
No, it looks like Al Pacino.
He does. Yeah, he's older. Yeah, that's Al Pacino.
No, that's definitely not him, dude. That's not him.
He did. That's what he's on.
What? Look for muscular?
Well, just look for a picture from type in 1988. Maybe it's on him.
That's yeah. That's I don't even know.
That was it. Look like it. Yeah.
But anyway, he might have been a cross dresser.
Maybe he might have been dressers.
Something something. Anyway, the pause. OK.
Well, we can't whatever. That was the most boring minute.
So sorry. OK, great. Danny, Danny De La Paz.
OK, so you're giving it a B plus. I'm giving it a B plus.
Absolutely loved it. I was going D until the carnage happened.
Then I went to C plus. OK.
OK, that's what I put.
So average that out. See, I gave it a no happy endings here.
So that was a movie, I guess.
I'm going to be depressed by a good indie film. Watch this.
It's either one of the best, most thought provoking films of the 80s or it's a piece of crap.
I really can't be. I really can be convinced either way because there's so much bad, but there's so much good.
Like for this movies in real time, it's the best use I've seen of real time.
It's like 24 was all done in an hour with a soundtrack by Tangerine Dream.
It's insane. But somehow it works.
Some of the dialogue writing is lazy, but the overall movie is great.
B.
Well, parts of it and other parts are kind of lazy.
What's the hurry, Harry?
That's a good line.
It's a good line. It's a cheesy line.
So you said one of the best representation of real time.
Real time video. I like that last hour a lot.
So I like.
If they didn't have the first 20 minutes, I would have loved this movie probably.
That first 20 that it dropped in a half a letter grade to me.
I was 20 years old.
I still don't care about you.
Well, she doesn't. She's not integral to the story.
He didn't show it to you.
No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't matter who Julie was.
It makes no difference to the story.
Well, it doesn't that he has to run around, but it could have been anyone else could have been his mother.
It could have been his brother.
He's not from there.
Anybody else he was trying to say out of town business, the same movie business person.
OK, but it's still the same movie.
If he's from out of town and he's coming, his brother's moved to L.A.
and now he's got to find his brother.
It's the same movie.
It doesn't change anything.
Well, well, yeah, they're not making out an elevator.
I like. Yeah.
What is his brother going to do in the elevator?
I'm just saying I don't think she's that into the movie.
I love being a brother with you.
Sokol Hauer Brothers, brother.
Yes. I think this movie is about him and his choices in the chicken littleness.
You didn't have much to do with her. Yeah.
I said B plus. You said C plus.
So we're going to be then solid B minus.
So it'd be minus B minus.
We'll give it to be minus Miracle Mile B minus.
It's a very good movie.
Very good movie.
Or it's not whatever.
So stop provoking.
Let's vote for our next movie.
Hey, I have a question.
Oh, yeah.
If this movie.
Oh, yeah.
Just because I'm curious about something on this movie.
I mean, you know, they're not going to change it.
Could they make this movie today at all?
Yeah.
I mean, just know that they rely so much on the phones and the technology.
Yeah.
The whole plot is based around a miss our phone call.
No, because think about this.
You would never get.
No, you would just get it.
No, because like nowadays it would end up being like somebody taking a poor
Jan post seriously or something like that.
You know what I mean?
But everyone would know in instance nowadays.
That's the whole point.
It's all real time now.
Right.
And then you can have this.
Yeah.
If you're OK, if you're going like modern modern day.
Yeah.
That's what I would see is like someone.
Yeah.
Someone sees a kind of happening in Hawaii.
Yeah.
This happened in Hawaii just just a year ago or whatever.
They said they accidentally set off the the the nukes are coming alarm that
they have in Hawaii.
Oh, shit.
They accidentally set that off like a year ago.
And and everybody was fine.
They just told them right on their cell phones, they sent out a new alert
just minutes later saying, oh, that was a mistake.
Mahalo to everybody.
And everybody's fine.
And nobody panic.
Nobody ran over anybody.
Shot out the top of their cars, jumped on their cars.
You know, I'm saying this wouldn't happen today.
I I think I like Jesse's idea of seeing a seeing a Facebook post or delete a
tweet that says like run.
It's it's or putting something in code.
And then that person with a link and then someone like some someone like
who's watching this stuff like decryption finds out that that's code for like
nukes are on the way or nuclear war and then tries to get the message out online.
It wouldn't be the same kind of movie.
It would be much different.
So you couldn't make it.
I don't think it would be made in the same way.
It just relies so much on the cell phone.
I thought about this.
If I were to make a movie, I think almost definitely I would place it in a
world either where cell phones aren't really used very often, don't exist or
pre cell phone.
So like what's this?
No, I guess the impugn point was like, oh, well, because it's already happened.
Yeah.
We're in a world where like like a fallout role.
Gene Roddenberry never existed.
It didn't inspire Bill Gates or Steve Jobs to do anything.
And then they you know, she liked a whole different world.
Right.
Like an alternate history.
Like Pandora.
People don't have cell phones, but instead we rely heavily on like.
All the other.
Telegraph.
I don't know.
Like steampunk almost.
Right.
But you were talking about a good use of real time.
There's a movie and I believe it's called High Noon.
I'll check right now.
But there's a movie called High Noon where this guy, he's a cowboy.
It's cowboy times.
And it takes place entirely in real time.
And let's see.
I think this is him.
They do a horror movie like that.
They just did like probably 12 years ago where it was all this one shot.
Is that what you're saying?
No, it's not one shot.
Yeah.
One shot versus real time.
Real time is like 24.
Lots of shots.
But yeah, a town a town marshal, despite the disagreements of his newlywed
bride and the townspeople around him must face a gang of deadly killers alone at
High Noon when a gang leader and he set sent up years ago arrives on the new
train.
So that's what it is.
He tries to get the like the townspeople to help him and stuff, but no one will.
So he's on his own once that like right there once it happens building because
like he knows they're coming there.
OK, I see.
I saw it's 10 minutes till one.
Yeah, the train is like.
But is it literally only take an hour?
Like, yeah, like it's done in real time.
It's real time.
So like this movie is a great.
He's had happened an hour, but they take two hours for that hour.
Yeah.
But this one is like he's watching the country knows when the train is coming.
When the train comes, the train comes and then that's when he has to do.
I think not only do I think that's a good part of the movie, it's also a lot of
the problems like you were having with the movie, how they made stuff move too
fast. Yeah.
For because how do you don't fall in love with anybody in that amount of time?
And it's a little over just the or even if you did, I'm not impossible, I guess.
But like the the.
That you're going to end your own life to save their expresses it.
Expresses the like interest real suddenly that way, like her expression of it.
I found strange. I don't know.
She was a little maybe she was maybe it was pre volume post.
You know, yeah, it was really like the way that he dealt with those kids in the
beginning. Yeah.
You really like that brushing your teeth joke.
But anyway, so let's move on from that movie is like, I mean, I got it.
Could really just talk about it more.
I feel like we've gone for a while.
What? Yeah. God, what a just what a I really like that movie.
I'm glad. So.
I mean, I feel like there's not even a need to recommend a movie for next week
because we kind of already organically found it.
So, I mean, should we just do a quick me, I guess?
Yeah, we're going to watch you.
We just do a quick vote for future sport right now.
Oh, God. Yeah, Mike.
Do we want to do early projections of how this movie is going to go?
Oh, oh, horribly.
I'm looking at he's going to love it.
I'm looking at this picture of this fucking pirate looking motherfucker with
a hoverboard and roller blades and a pole.
I want to watch it so bad.
Mike, you're no, I'll do it for you.
I'll just save mine.
Mine's Nick Cage anyway, so I'll save for next week.
OK, yeah.
Maybe we'll need a Nick Cage breather after some.
I don't know, but maybe we need future sport to stop all future conflict.
We'll find out next week.
I don't want to.
I feel like that'd be a good wrapping up point.
But was there any business we wanted to attend to before before?
Well, you well, you did it at the beginning.
We were like, yeah, it was like the scaricature.
I feel like I've been drinking a lot more lately, not going to open a lot more.
That kind of makes sense.
Why are you going to open so much just because of the thing?
I don't want someone yesterday.
No, I'm talking about before that was a corn fest.
Which might as well be an open.
No, it's nothing.
Open does their own shit.
Oh, I will say this.
Open has their haunted place.
They have this really cool costume.
I forgot to take a picture of it, but it's a bed that moves around on wheels.
But in but someone like the bed races, then it's the but no, but it's the exorcist bed.
So there's a girl that's in it walking around, moving the thing.
It's repurposed the bed.
It's no, no, but it's not.
It's not a bed racing bed.
It's a frame.
It looks like a bed.
Right.
It's a costume.
She you couldn't ride around in this thing.
OK, you have to be standing up in it, supporting it, moving it around with your legs.
OK.
And you were up top being the exorcist.
She's Fred Flint's owning this.
Yeah, right.
I got Fred.
So the exorcist chick up top.
Gotcha.
So she's moving around.
I think she might even be like, OK, so it's not because I know that that is ominously
floating.
Open's known for a few things besides just donkeys.
One, when it gets hot, they do the egg Friday.
I got a sidewalk.
It gets so hot out here that you can crack open an egg cooking on the sidewalk.
Easy peasy.
But they also do something called the bed races, which not a lot of people are familiar
with, and that is exactly what it fucking sounds like.
It's racing beds down the street.
Sounds awesome.
I haven't gone yet.
I will this next year.
In fact, I even think maybe Friday.
Because you need to spend more time.
I have a bed a bed in the bed race.
Hey, we could do the podcast live on while racing, while racing, while getting ready for
this.
A little bit of either before or after.
We kind of piece into that.
Right.
I think I want to do a lot more live shows.
I can get something going.
What's fun about this movie, Miracle Mile, is that where Jesse and I do comedy a lot
is a place called Miracle Mile.
It's Miracle Mile Event Center.
On Miracle Mile.
On Miracle Mile Street.
So Miracle Mile, every time I say the movie, I have to be specific depending on who I'm
around because, you know, it depends on like you won't know what I'm talking about otherwise.
So we're going to watch Future Sport.
That's amazing.
I don't think there's anything else I really wanted to update the world on.
Oh.
What is this a secret?
No, it's just it's just interesting.
And there hasn't been any any conclusion for it or any any follow up.
But it's just it's an interesting funny kind of thing.
Just an interesting thing that happened.
So one of the fellow scaricters was was a girl and we worked in the same room together last night.
And so there was a so you have an elevator moment.
No, no, no, no.
But in between in between the groups of kids, she and maybe like two other people that bounced around would be like the people that I talked to throughout the night.
And it was hours of this.
Right. So we became friends.
And then afterwards, I was like I was like, hey, I got a joint.
I'm collecting my other friends and I'm going like, let's go smoke.
She says, great.
My mom has my weed.
I'll go grab it.
And then she does something you don't hear often.
My mom has my way.
But maybe more and more nowadays.
Yeah.
So she fucks off to go get that.
And then I don't see her again.
And so I'm like for like the next 10 minutes, I'm like, hey, anyone see, you know, like, you know, send her name.
I don't want to call it out.
Were you waiting for her to call you on a cell like a pay phone?
I was waiting by that because it's open.
They have a paper.
I'm sure.
I was waiting by a working pay phone and open it.
And I have a smoke buddy.
Yeah.
So she will she just disappear.
Never showed up.
Never showed up again.
So that's not necessarily a funny story.
No, no, no, no, no.
But what's adding says you're a fucking no.
But what's interesting is that later on in the evening, my friend who runs the haunted house gets a text message from her mom saying, hey, you know, she was going to smoke with with Andy.
And she didn't get an opportunity to.
So let me get his number or, you know, here's mine or whatever.
And so that's where I'm going to end this because I just just for just but I thought it was a budding romance.
No, no, no, it could be.
We don't know.
I'm just I. Oh, you don't want to.
Is she 16?
Wait, hold on.
Well, her mom had her weed.
I'm asking.
She's not 16.
She sees she's in her 20s.
OK.
Well, it's open.
You don't know.
It's OK.
It's open.
They got underage girls.
It's open.
There's weapons everywhere.
It's open.
They're probably fucking drugs.
It's open.
It's just not every opens a great little place to visit.
We're trying to encourage tourism to this lovely little community that used to be a historic mining town.
There's a lot of history up there, folks.
Working minds that is with Andy.
And if you go to in October, they decorate it on the wind stop.
But I thought that like it was just for a moment, I thought I got stood up for a joint, which made me feel sad.
That's what it was.
That's kind of the point of it was just like I was like, I was like, hey, I've got a joint.
And she's like, oh, let me go get my weed and then disappeared.
And I was as if to say, I need to go wash my hair.
And you have a question.
Is this going to be well, the first time you see her again, be a blind date.
Do you know what she looks like?
I'm asking about the costume.
No, no, I'm just the whole time.
Yeah, I'm asking if you saw her mask off.
OK, yeah, I wasn't sure.
And you keep implying the word date.
Nothing.
So I said, if you had met her again, would it be for a blind date?
But if I met her again, do you know what she looks like?
That's all I was asking is, you know, if she but you're putting heavy implications on the day part.
No, only you are.
Only you are.
I would say your blushed cheeks give it away.
I'm not blushing.
I'm always red faced due to the rosacea.
All American Andy.
I eat a lot of hot dogs, a lot of tube steaks.
All the nitrates flowing through your face hole.
Hell yeah.
No, but I did.
But it was one of those sort of serendipitous sort of things where it's just like you thought someone was like, oh, hey, that was cool,
because I'm not going to be able to do the hunt again tonight.
But no, I've had that before, too, like when you go get it, when you go to a house and they're going to deliver pizza and you go there
and you deliver a pizza, they go, I'll get you next time.
Happens all the time.
Right.
But once in a while, it really does happen.
Yeah.
It really they'll actually give you double the number.
I remember I didn't give you whatever her mom said to her when she got in the car.
I made a friend for a smoke a toy.
She's like, no, not tonight.
We're taking off.
I'm like, that's that's a bummer.
Right.
But then, hey, maybe not.
Well, now I have a potential new friend, a potential new guest for the podcast.
We already know that she smokes.
Boom.
So there we go.
And perhaps she'll be riveted by future sports.
If you know, hopefully, hopefully, no, we probably won't be able to get a new guest.
Whoever that we got on this next coming episode, which I think Brennan is going to be back on.
Is he going to review future sport?
Is he going to see future sport?
I'm so I hope so.
No, Brennan will like futures.
We didn't even look at the I love Leslie Snipes.
It's great, man.
I think it's going to be.
I thought we did.
Yeah.
It didn't even tomato meter and zero percent is the other with the critic reviews go down to the critic reviews.
I just want to see a couple.
It's not ruined.
We have to watch it.
So it doesn't matter.
Oh, it's just going to say what it is bland and easy to say.
The others don't say anything.
She doesn't say anything.
You have to click on the field review.
No, you don't want to get spoiled.
That's the plan and easily forget.
Easily forgettable.
Yeah, I got the dick.
Look, so it's zero.
You might also like Breaking Wind, you know, breaking the Twilight spoof because we all have spoofs.
Wow, that is funny.
Breaking Wind.
Yeah, that's a no.
That's I mean, it's an old joke, but like, yeah, it's a Twilight spoo.
Oh, they have a fat Jacob.
Yeah, that's their whole gimmick.
Let's see.
Does she have a goofy face?
And it has a better score.
Yeah, they all look as though they're passing the winds.
Oh, yeah.
We got that looks like looks like and he's got like a God smacked belly button tattoo.
Yeah, it looks like an AI photo.
We're looking at the we're looking at a photo of a movie called Breaking Wind, which is a parody of Twilight.
Oh, they look more normal here.
Yeah, sort of.
Sort of.
Well, she looks like a normal chick.
Well, yeah.
Yeah, he looks like a normal dude.
I said the photos look at the actual those theater theatrical.
God, they only have like four photos, but they literally splice it up in the 50 photos.
It's just it's just different Heather and Davis.
Yeah.
And well, what do we know about Peter Gilroy?
Let's get back on the actual fart is infinitely more satisfying and thankfully shorter in duration.
I fart in your general direction is the review of this movie.
That's all right.
I can't believe you're leaving it up.
Yeah, no, I'm going back to the day.
John is fucking.
So it's Cherie 2000.
By the way, it's supposed to be a good movie.
It's been years.
I'm not watching.
Yeah, maybe we will.
We might just go on.
I might.
I might actually direct the chair to watch.
We might have to watch all of his work wrote on future sport.
He directed Cherry 2000.
Right.
So that's that's important.
But I'll tell you, no, it was Ernest Dickerson who's well known for a lot of things, including,
you know, like he did that.
Ernest Dickerson.
That's cinematography.
None of that is I was about to say he direct I was about to say he directed Malcolm X by
Spike Lee.
But no, that's a cinematographer.
Is there others?
This director.
Here we go.
Juice Juice.
Surviving the game, also writer surviving the game.
Fucking rules.
I love that movie.
It's good.
Oh, wait, is that the one with ice tea ice tea?
Oh, yeah.
I just watched that recently.
Demonite.
OK.
Yeah.
That's a tale.
So the director of this other movie.
Yeah.
Proof.
Adam Sandler and fucking one of the ways.
Damon Wayne's blind faith.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Bush Bush.
I don't know.
Bones bones.
Oh, is that still double?
I remember that shit.
I never watched it.
Never die alone.
DMC.
Double play.
But why isn't the movie we're going to watch on?
Oh, T.V.
Future sport.
E movie.
Strange justice.
OK.
Our America.
Monday night mayhem.
Good fences.
Oh, that's a play that they would be Goldberg and Danny Goldberg.
Oh, it's a novel.
Well, they did a film of it.
Oh, that's probably pretty funny.
I like what people.
Anyway, fuck.
You're the fucking I've been smoking this entire time.
Yes.
Letting me go with you.
Yep.
Keep me in fucking.
Hey, Andy.
You're the host.
You're the one that keeps me in place, buddy.
So you got to drive the ship.
Oh, yeah.
You got to drive the ship.
I'm the captain.
We just had this about you being the king.
No one else could be a king.
Far be it for me to let this fucking three hour gem of a podcast go any longer.
How long are we going?
Let's wrap it up.
Big triumphant close if you want.
Or hey, by all means, let's keep it going.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let me take this hit.
I'll decide.
All right, everybody.
And I ran so fucking far away from this podcast.
Let's get out of here.
All right.
With us, as always has been Mike for the love of God.
They did not fuck on that elevator.
Larson.
They made love.
Jesus Christ.
What this is always is Jesse has a lot to deal with it.
This podcast, if we're being honest, this is two hours plus two and a half hours, two hours and 40 something minutes.
Jesus Christ.
I bring on a professional and I just go fuck you.
Right.
In the first one, Lee hearts.
Here we are.
Thanks for having me, sir.
And I've been your host.
Andy Rice.
We've been fried.
This has been fried rice podcast.
Thank you so much.
Have a good night.