1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,840 Okay, I think some episodes actually seem more like thought out, but anyway, that's probably just because 2 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:16,200 um, I like have like a note of what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to talk about 3 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:24,040 but also sometimes I go on little side tangents and you probably realize that by each and every episode 4 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:28,520 but anyway, we're just 5 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:37,080 Some of these episodes, you know what you might like some more than others and that is okay 6 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:44,340 If there's anything that you want to like necessarily know about learn about 7 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:50,320 Whatever the case is you can feel free to go on to the sales pod 8 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:55,620 Instagram and shoot me like a DM and I will try to 9 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,320 Like talk about it on an episode 10 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:05,160 So this episode is actually going to be a book review 11 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,320 I don't do a whole lot of book reviews 12 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:16,160 Because I'm trying to get back into reading one of my friends. It's like really into reading and 13 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,880 and 14 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:23,760 She told me you know, they install a good read and do all these different things so 15 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:30,080 Shout out to you. Anyway, I'm not actually gonna shout out your name because 16 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,480 You know what that's our own business if 17 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:39,040 But I don't I want to keep 18 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,800 Some things private and some things like separate from what I actually talk about 19 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,800 on the podcast 20 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,160 So 21 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:54,680 This book that we're gonna be doing is like the silent patient I just 22 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,920 read finished reading it 23 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,520 last 24 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,520 Thursday, I want to say 25 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:04,560 It was a really 26 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,120 Good book 27 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:11,760 It kind of focuses on Alicia Bannston 28 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:16,200 She's like this artist and this episode is going to have 29 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,960 Quite a bit of spoilers. So if you haven't read the book 30 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,480 Don't listen to this episode 31 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,480 but remember like when you were a kid and 32 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,880 You had to do like book essays 33 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,000 for like your class so 34 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,880 Think of this episode like one of those 35 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,440 essays that you had to do 36 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:44,720 But maybe you really didn't want to do but you know what I mean 37 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:48,640 This is not something like that. It's like you don't want to do but 38 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,560 There was a couple books that I read 39 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,960 That 40 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,480 Honestly, I 41 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,360 Did like the cliff notes version and that was like my 42 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,040 book essay 43 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,160 I enjoyed reading. I just don't want to do the books that they kind of 44 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,160 I 45 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,840 Anyway, so the silent patient 46 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:23,920 It's focused on Alicia Bannstein and most of the whole book is actually 47 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,440 Located and like this the psych ward 48 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,160 Psychiatric facility 49 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:41,240 and it's also focusing on Theo or Theodore 50 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,400 Which is a very interesting name for a psychologist 51 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:53,360 I don't know why but whenever I think about theodore I think about Alvin and the chipmunks so 52 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,640 Gosh 53 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:03,160 I promise you like I say I go down little bunny trails 54 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,920 But it's a true crime is thriller 55 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:22,040 Your laugh you cry you won't really laugh actually 56 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:28,360 But it kind of like I say it focuses on Alicia Bannstein 57 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:39,200 She is the primary suspect in the beginning of like the book of killing her husband 58 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:48,200 Gabriel and at the very end of the book 59 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:56,160 Towards the end she actually writes in her journal. I didn't kill Gabriel. He killed me 60 00:04:56,160 --> 00:05:00,040 I just happened to pull the trigger and I feel like that is a very 61 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:10,120 iconic and apropos like moment in the whole like book itself because we feel that 62 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:21,520 That's what we did was justified and in some ways I guess you could state that this was justified 63 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,520 And a lot of people 64 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:33,720 Even in the psychiatric facility want to blame her they're like well she was the parent. I mean 65 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:39,040 She was the wife of course she killed her husband 66 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:45,360 Usually too if you have mental illnesses, I have noticed this 67 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,600 Or your diagnosed with mental illnesses 68 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:57,440 I will be said that maybe you you will automatically usually be 69 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,600 charged with something or 70 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,600 people are going to assume that 71 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,080 Something happened because of 72 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,120 Like you 73 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:23,120 Even if maybe you didn't necessarily calls that even if like maybe you mental illness is 74 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:29,120 Being managed I 75 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:38,080 Notice people who would some because I worked in a psychiatric facility for 76 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:46,480 Five months. It was not a good place to work. There were a lot of things that were happening. It's actually 77 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,320 The psychiatric facility that I worked in 78 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:57,360 It's we actually got in the top ten for the top place 79 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:03,880 Worst places the work like for mental health. Yeah 80 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,320 But there was so many 81 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,040 And sometimes you you see a lot of that in this book 82 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,320 to where there's 83 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,440 like some anger management with 84 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,200 Alicia and another patient they have this 85 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,280 Ongoing kind of huge 86 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,800 So some 87 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:37,400 At some points in the book because there are a lot of like plot twist you might think that it's elif 88 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:43,800 I think the names he lived um in some point you might think that it's a different person 89 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,800 So I might Google 90 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:51,040 Sometimes decides to go off when I just start saying random words 91 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,000 So anyway, if you heard that 92 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,080 I will also say there is 93 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:08,680 I'm gonna give a smut warning now on a scale of 94 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,480 close door 95 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,400 To smut I would say it kind of means 96 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:23,760 More like maybe to like okay, it's kind of closed or there might be a little bit of smut in there 97 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,800 So 98 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,840 What people especially this is more on my main spokes 99 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:39,520 But close door and sometimes you see this in movies too 100 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,120 where you know 101 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:46,040 Things are happening behind those doors and maybe 102 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:52,800 that whole ideology of what they're actually doing in the bedroom is 103 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,400 But it doesn't go into depth and 104 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,840 and at some points 105 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:05,240 It does have more like a closed door like policy with that which I 106 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,040 respect because 107 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:16,280 Sometimes I wonder if this might necessarily add to the storyline if it doesn't add to the storyline like why is it in there I 108 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:20,760 Understand why they put it in there and I'll go into 109 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:28,280 Oh, what about that later on so yes, of course, there's like trauma and the second word 110 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,640 Between 111 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:39,920 Like Elyst and Alicia there's also this individual named Christian who 112 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,360 Apparently 113 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,640 He knew Alicia 114 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:53,880 Somehow all these different people interact so it's like kind of who done it who actually killed Gabriel which is Alicia's husband 115 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,120 Who actually killed him? 116 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,200 Classic who done it story 117 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,040 So you have Christian who is also a psychologist 118 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:09,660 However, he knew Alicia before she went into like this 119 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,240 psychological 120 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:19,240 psychiatric facility and everybody is trying to understand why she has become 121 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,000 Silent after all these years 122 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,680 in this time and 123 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:33,240 You realize that it was kind of because she she liked this painting a 124 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,720 Eloquentist 125 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,000 It's like this Greek mythology 126 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:47,400 where she was kind of condemned to not speak from her husband and 127 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,480 From a young age you also realize Alicia 128 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:59,720 Had this trauma. She felt like she was responsible for her mom's death 129 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,200 Even though Alicia was in the car with her 130 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:10,840 The mom I think had her own like mental illnesses and her own demons that she was fighting 131 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,360 and so 132 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:23,480 She had Alicia in the car when she was actually going into a brick wall 133 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,200 And 134 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,200 Alicia's mom didn't make it but 135 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:35,680 Alicia did her dad constantly said that it was 136 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:38,720 Alicia that should have died 137 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,080 then 138 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,080 instead of his wife, you know 139 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,440 Very messed up I know 140 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,640 But that is 141 00:11:54,640 --> 00:12:02,120 One of like the ideologies so she takes that throughout her life that she's worthless 142 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,840 That no one is ever actually going to love her 143 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,480 You know 144 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,480 And we do take these 145 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,680 thoughts 146 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:19,920 whether people like meant to these thoughts these actions whether people like met them to 147 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,600 To harm us or to actually 148 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:28,000 I don't know how it can be well meaning but 149 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:36,160 Even if maybe it was just like a split second decision where he did the moment 150 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,440 Emotions are high people 151 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,360 Even if that's the case 152 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,600 Sometimes 153 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,600 drunk thoughts 154 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,920 drunk actions are sober thoughts, you know 155 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,120 so even if 156 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:59,160 Person was like necessarily drinking at that time they like tell you 157 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,000 Like how they feel about you quote unquote 158 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:10,600 Sometimes it might be some truth and what they're actually saying maybe they truly do feel that 159 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:17,360 In a whether that's love whether that's animosity whatever it is 160 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,360 just 161 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,680 Sometimes, you know drunk actions also 162 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,000 Whatever 163 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,000 So there's like trauma 164 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:36,800 and at some points I thought it was supposed to 165 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,680 Like be Christian because a lot of the signs are kind of like pointing 166 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:47,920 towards him that he would have done it 167 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:57,720 Also and then just kind of pinned it on Alicia because of course 168 00:13:58,600 --> 00:13:59,760 she's 169 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,760 the wife she's gonna be the primary suspect and 170 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,840 Also 171 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:14,200 She has this mental illness of maybe she went quote unquote mad and that's what people want you to believe at the beginning of the book 172 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,840 While the author because names Alex 173 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,400 I can't remember his last name right now because I 174 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,120 Gave the book to someone so 175 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,280 I'm in the process of going into someone so I can't remember 176 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,280 It starts with the beat 177 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:43,400 But the author once you believe that maybe it's Christian who 178 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,320 Cuz also Christian knew her knew Alicia before 179 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:54,840 She comes into the psychiatric facility you realize all these people's lives intersect in some ways 180 00:14:54,840 --> 00:15:02,000 So he was friends with Gabriel and 181 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:07,400 Then which again was Alicia's husband 182 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:14,080 Gabriel asked him hey, can you make kind of like a before 183 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,960 Because she needs help she needs assistance. She's 184 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:24,960 She's claiming that she's seen somebody like kind of stalking around our apartment 185 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,360 or 186 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,160 Stalking around our neighborhood 187 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,880 and 188 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:42,560 There is no one there. She's asked me though kind of like keep an eye on it. I 189 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:47,640 Think it's because she's never got past 190 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:56,160 One her dad dying and to like all the trauma that she has been so the child. I think that's what it is 191 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,520 So you actually think 192 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:09,880 Gabriel at some points too. I'm like Gabriel is a pretty solid dude. Maybe he does truly care about his life 193 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,880 and 194 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,920 Didn't deserve 195 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,920 I mean 196 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:28,960 To that stand but like you feel like you feel for them 197 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,240 So and 198 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:41,380 And maybe he's not a red flag as much as I'm thinking because 199 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:46,520 Something had to in my mind. I'm thinking something had to have clicked 200 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:52,480 This guy has to be a red flag, but I'm not really seeing a whole lot of red flags 201 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,800 maybe 202 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,120 Maybe I'm missing something 203 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,120 Okay, so 204 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,720 So then you say 205 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:17,720 Christian 206 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:21,360 Was friends with Gabriel, but Gabriel actually convinced 207 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,680 says 208 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,960 Christian to take 209 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,520 Alicia on to his caseload 210 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,820 Okay 211 00:17:31,820 --> 00:17:36,520 He's like, you know what you're my friend I 212 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,000 Know maybe 213 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:46,080 You you can get it open up about it. Maybe she'll like actually tell you what's going on 214 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:52,320 So technically this dude was seeing somebody 215 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,600 Without it like 216 00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:03,880 Illegally like he wasn't like doing private practice. He wasn't like keeping it on the books or anything 217 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:10,480 And he was doing it too and his Christian was 218 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:20,840 Counseling Alicia in his girlfriend's home at the time 219 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:30,240 You know what should have lost his license then and there that's my whole 220 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:39,240 Lots of spiel for another time, but I also know that doesn't happen in real life all the time 221 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:45,560 You know people say they I should they should lose their practice. They should lose their license 222 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,760 I wish that happened. So sometimes it's like I 223 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,480 I 224 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:54,960 Want justice to be served, but I realize that doesn't always happen. Okay 225 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,880 So anyway, that's that's a whole nother discussion 226 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:05,880 And 227 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:17,600 You see like Theo which this vehicle trying to piece all of these different options together like okay? 228 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,240 Like Christians seeing this person 229 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,160 ethically, you know 230 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,600 And 231 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:37,840 Alicia for the longest time she's not talking about why she the silent patient 232 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,520 Theo gets her off the medication 233 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:54,760 Because Christian is like the psychiatrist and like the psych ward 234 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,080 Psych psychiatrist 235 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:07,640 Psychiatrist in the second and he is able to like a minister the 236 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,880 medicine 237 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,960 He keep 238 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,480 Christian keeps Alicia on very 239 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,080 high pain medication 240 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:25,960 and all these different like I don't know how many she's on and 241 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,280 Again, I have worked in the second 242 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:38,560 Psychiatric facility I have seen where people were kind of so 243 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:44,240 Drugged up almost that they were kind of like zombies and so 244 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:49,680 this this does happen if you're like reading along with the book and 245 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:55,160 And understand okay, she's just kind of like deadpan like it's like how is that possible? 246 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:04,280 Because like everything is like taking so because 247 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,640 one 248 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:12,500 Christians keep saying you know what borderlines 249 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:19,900 Because he diagnosed with borderline personality BPD are 250 00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:28,140 Seductive that's kind of his line throughout the book they can kind of like manipulate the situation and 251 00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:34,220 You don't necessarily know until you get into it that oh 252 00:21:35,860 --> 00:21:38,900 I'm in too deep. I'm in over my head 253 00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:46,620 So he uses this medication to kind of like sedate her and 254 00:21:48,220 --> 00:21:50,220 some ways the kind of 255 00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:54,260 Make her 256 00:21:54,380 --> 00:22:02,100 Not act out because of course they think that she's the problem or even that's how it's 257 00:22:02,620 --> 00:22:04,700 the author rights to make it 258 00:22:04,700 --> 00:22:12,620 They make you think that Alicia's kind of the whole entire problem in and of itself 259 00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:16,140 The Theo 260 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:23,300 His name's theodore, but he goes by Theo for most of the books. So that's what I'm gonna kind of go by 261 00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:26,660 Theo gets her off the medication he 262 00:22:26,660 --> 00:22:32,260 He at least maybe like one or two medications. She's on now 263 00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:40,940 So that at least he can kind of get through to her and she's not just a blank wall 264 00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:45,460 And 265 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,500 I will say there's also 266 00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:54,700 To there is like a specific term for it. I was trying to look it up 267 00:22:54,700 --> 00:22:56,700 but there 268 00:22:57,580 --> 00:22:59,580 There is a term for it and 269 00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:02,860 of when you will go 270 00:23:04,020 --> 00:23:06,020 silent when 271 00:23:07,540 --> 00:23:09,540 Different traumas happen and 272 00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:14,220 You just can't speak you can't get out the wood because it was so traumatic 273 00:23:15,820 --> 00:23:17,820 You almost 274 00:23:19,260 --> 00:23:21,580 Don't have a voice like you want to scream 275 00:23:21,580 --> 00:23:23,580 But you can't 276 00:23:27,580 --> 00:23:29,580 Also 277 00:23:30,780 --> 00:23:37,540 There's some things that in this book that maybe should be some dead 278 00:23:38,180 --> 00:23:40,180 giveaways right off the bat 279 00:23:40,540 --> 00:23:42,540 for instance 280 00:23:42,580 --> 00:23:46,220 He closes theodore or Theo 281 00:23:46,220 --> 00:23:52,740 Sometimes closes the door when he's in like therapy sessions because he's like well nothing's going to happen 282 00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:56,620 It's what he says and they have like this panic button 283 00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:01,220 So basically if you don't 284 00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:08,340 If you've never been in a psychiatric facility don't recommend that you take a tour there 285 00:24:09,260 --> 00:24:10,700 unless you're 286 00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:13,380 Unless you want to but they have these 287 00:24:13,380 --> 00:24:17,700 They're kind of like a necklace almost like 288 00:24:19,340 --> 00:24:22,500 Think of like a life alert, you know like the 289 00:24:23,860 --> 00:24:27,980 Think about that and it's kind of like this necklace that you wear 290 00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:36,140 You press the button if you're in dire emergency and people are supposed to 291 00:24:36,140 --> 00:24:43,260 He would supposed to come and assist you at that particular point 292 00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:46,980 Like I say I worked in that situation 293 00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:51,100 Sometimes the panic button does nothing 294 00:24:51,100 --> 00:25:00,660 Yeah, anyway 295 00:25:06,860 --> 00:25:13,940 Especially so at the one point I think it's like the first sex session 296 00:25:16,260 --> 00:25:18,260 He 297 00:25:18,260 --> 00:25:27,020 Doesn't get Alicia that actually talk verbally, but she does lash out at him and 298 00:25:33,020 --> 00:25:38,660 I think kind of like walls or like digs or nails into like his skin 299 00:25:41,180 --> 00:25:46,140 And you know some people think that that's a cry for help 300 00:25:46,140 --> 00:25:48,140 Theo 301 00:25:49,220 --> 00:25:53,940 The whole book is written so that you're on the other side and I'm saying that because 302 00:25:58,980 --> 00:26:03,900 You're gonna realize that you should not have been on the other side the whole time 303 00:26:04,140 --> 00:26:10,220 Like oh, that's why you didn't want to do the panic button. That's why he didn't want to do this. That's why 304 00:26:10,220 --> 00:26:17,740 I love a lot a lot because you think okay, he wants to like meet up with her 305 00:26:18,900 --> 00:26:25,900 He wants to actually check in how she's doing and wants to help he is a good guy so 306 00:26:28,540 --> 00:26:34,100 The whole book is written like that so honestly too 307 00:26:36,140 --> 00:26:38,140 Because I 308 00:26:38,140 --> 00:26:40,140 I 309 00:26:42,260 --> 00:26:49,700 Love that field in my mind sometimes I don't really want to think that it's like the psychologist 310 00:26:52,420 --> 00:26:54,420 You know 311 00:26:54,420 --> 00:27:04,780 Like you should do this blah blah blah blah like now just go off 312 00:27:08,340 --> 00:27:14,100 But if you're actually interested in why people kind of 313 00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:17,780 Don't talk after trauma 314 00:27:17,780 --> 00:27:25,340 It's also like like I say it's kind of like in your brain you want to 315 00:27:26,660 --> 00:27:31,060 Yell out you want to scream but that bite or flight 316 00:27:32,660 --> 00:27:36,260 Has kind of left and so now you just kind of disassociate 317 00:27:36,260 --> 00:27:48,460 And you don't actually can't form the woods to process what had happened to you and a 318 00:27:49,380 --> 00:27:51,820 if if you're a visual learner 319 00:27:53,580 --> 00:27:56,540 You can even probably do this on like YouTube 320 00:27:57,500 --> 00:27:59,500 and 321 00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:03,620 I feel like Jenny and Georgia that TV show does a 322 00:28:03,620 --> 00:28:06,300 Great job of like displaying 323 00:28:08,100 --> 00:28:11,500 Parts of trauma like whether that's like panic attacks or 324 00:28:13,380 --> 00:28:16,460 Just because I've had panic attacks another like 325 00:28:18,380 --> 00:28:20,380 So 326 00:28:20,540 --> 00:28:23,380 Out of banks if you watch that 327 00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:30,260 JJ but his name is not JD JJ in my life. It's Rudy Pinko 328 00:28:30,260 --> 00:28:34,820 He actually is feeling like 329 00:28:35,780 --> 00:28:38,980 Rudy Pinko in the life is being his panic attacks 330 00:28:39,660 --> 00:28:43,620 So it makes it more evident in the TV show 331 00:28:45,180 --> 00:28:50,820 When like maybe certain things are happening in his character's life 332 00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:59,540 So it's kind of like easier to follow along it's like oh, you know what that's an accurate 333 00:28:59,540 --> 00:29:03,180 Display of what it looks like and then you realize 334 00:29:03,740 --> 00:29:05,540 the actor 335 00:29:05,540 --> 00:29:09,700 Who's playing this individual actually has anxiety in real life? 336 00:29:10,260 --> 00:29:14,180 That means that even more believeable without make sense 337 00:29:15,100 --> 00:29:17,820 So that's like you can probably 338 00:29:23,260 --> 00:29:25,260 But if you're looking at 339 00:29:25,260 --> 00:29:30,540 At what people remain silent I would definitely 340 00:29:35,660 --> 00:29:37,660 Not talking I don't know 341 00:29:40,580 --> 00:29:45,020 But those are like two great examples of what it looks like 342 00:29:46,140 --> 00:29:51,660 When people speak traumatic events and how that kind of plays out 343 00:29:51,660 --> 00:29:56,900 Being someone who has a spewing trauma 344 00:30:01,060 --> 00:30:04,660 You know we all deal with trauma specific ways 345 00:30:06,060 --> 00:30:08,060 You know honestly 346 00:30:09,460 --> 00:30:13,140 And I we all have trauma to a certain extent 347 00:30:13,140 --> 00:30:15,980 It's just kind of how we process it 348 00:30:19,220 --> 00:30:21,220 Okay, so 349 00:30:24,420 --> 00:30:29,100 Another thing that I kind of noticed in like the book and I just kind of wanted 350 00:30:29,780 --> 00:30:38,100 We have these like self-fulfilling prophecies almost and that's what you kind of see with like Theo with Alicia 351 00:30:38,980 --> 00:30:41,340 She doesn't think that she's worthy of anything 352 00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:46,260 She doesn't believe that anybody could truly love her and so in some ways 353 00:30:47,460 --> 00:30:52,620 She maybe pushes Gabriel away. Maybe he loved her at like one point 354 00:30:53,420 --> 00:30:57,380 And maybe he'd like still like deep down loves her 355 00:30:59,180 --> 00:31:01,180 But sometimes when 356 00:31:02,060 --> 00:31:07,260 You're not like I'm not saying you have to be fully healed to be in a relationship 357 00:31:07,260 --> 00:31:15,940 But at some particular point if you don't start like healing a little bit and doing the work 358 00:31:17,340 --> 00:31:24,860 That saying if you don't heal you're gonna bleed on people who never cut you is an accurate 359 00:31:25,020 --> 00:31:27,380 betrayal, but sometimes 360 00:31:29,340 --> 00:31:31,180 Because 361 00:31:31,180 --> 00:31:37,580 There is like this one statement in the book. Do I have my mom's madness in me and sometimes 362 00:31:40,100 --> 00:31:46,380 Could I do some of the things that she did like just the passive aggressive nature or 363 00:31:48,460 --> 00:31:50,460 Even like the impulsiveness 364 00:31:52,900 --> 00:31:57,820 Wanting to cause a fight when he you know all these different things that her mom had 365 00:31:57,820 --> 00:32:07,260 Her mom had some mental illness we don't really know like her mom's like trauma growing up 366 00:32:08,420 --> 00:32:13,220 What we do know is it had an effect on Alicia which then 367 00:32:14,180 --> 00:32:17,780 ties into her adult life and why she doesn't feel 368 00:32:20,460 --> 00:32:23,060 How she kind of displays herself in an art 369 00:32:23,060 --> 00:32:28,540 Because that is kind of how she's communicating in the beginning of the book 370 00:32:29,060 --> 00:32:31,060 So maybe like right 371 00:32:31,340 --> 00:32:38,620 Like draw a picture and it's so vivid of like maybe someone coming to rescue her someone feeling that they can rescue her 372 00:32:44,300 --> 00:32:46,300 And 373 00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:49,100 Also like with 374 00:32:49,100 --> 00:32:52,100 The one picture 375 00:32:53,900 --> 00:32:55,900 Where she has 376 00:32:57,180 --> 00:33:00,180 Basically a picture of Gabriel 377 00:33:02,780 --> 00:33:04,780 Like crucified 378 00:33:05,500 --> 00:33:07,500 And 379 00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:14,500 You are religious individual faith-based listening to this is my sound kind of like 380 00:33:17,060 --> 00:33:20,500 religious which I honestly 381 00:33:27,380 --> 00:33:30,500 There were some things that are just kind of like a metaphor for life 382 00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:34,500 And 383 00:33:34,500 --> 00:33:39,580 But she basically has this person crucified and sometimes we do what kind of 384 00:33:45,500 --> 00:33:52,820 You know even after we show them like the bigger picture and then beside that she has 385 00:33:52,820 --> 00:33:57,500 Like the gun or like the 386 00:33:59,620 --> 00:34:01,620 So sometimes 387 00:34:01,700 --> 00:34:03,700 Okay, there was a motive 388 00:34:07,300 --> 00:34:12,180 Behind what she was doing we see that we see that she 389 00:34:15,180 --> 00:34:19,220 But at the same time she was fearful she was gonna turn out 390 00:34:19,220 --> 00:34:21,220 Just 391 00:34:27,700 --> 00:34:30,100 She knows she never really felt like she belonged 392 00:34:32,780 --> 00:34:36,620 And I think sometimes when 393 00:34:38,340 --> 00:34:40,500 People are drowning too much 394 00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:48,060 sometimes we try to save them and even if they 395 00:34:49,140 --> 00:34:51,140 Are drowning too much 396 00:34:51,140 --> 00:34:53,140 But what we need to step in I 397 00:34:54,140 --> 00:34:56,140 Would not recommend this 398 00:34:58,260 --> 00:35:03,580 Don't try to save somebody who doesn't necessarily want to be saved 399 00:35:04,380 --> 00:35:07,460 It's the one that you can't necessarily save them 400 00:35:07,460 --> 00:35:14,140 They have like they have to be able to pull up on the like at some point 401 00:35:19,860 --> 00:35:26,260 Don't recommend it, but I feel like that's what each individual is trying to do they realize 402 00:35:26,980 --> 00:35:28,980 like Theo and 403 00:35:30,940 --> 00:35:32,940 Alicia I 404 00:35:32,940 --> 00:35:34,940 Mean Theo and Gabriel 405 00:35:34,940 --> 00:35:43,620 They realize that their marriage was maybe like failing actually not there 406 00:35:45,380 --> 00:35:49,980 Gabriel and Cathy which is Theo's wife 407 00:35:50,900 --> 00:35:54,100 They were both trying to save people 408 00:35:54,100 --> 00:36:03,460 Who would drown and they ended up maybe like drowning themselves and realizing that they couldn't save them 409 00:36:05,580 --> 00:36:14,260 And I'm not saying you know this is this is a whole nother like topic because it does go into some like deeper 410 00:36:15,100 --> 00:36:16,420 issues 411 00:36:16,420 --> 00:36:18,420 later on 412 00:36:18,420 --> 00:36:25,340 Also Theo had some self-fulfilling prophecies. He felt like he would never be good enough 413 00:36:25,340 --> 00:36:28,340 He would never be a mountain anything never be successful 414 00:36:28,460 --> 00:36:30,460 to now 415 00:36:32,380 --> 00:36:36,580 You know never find anybody that would love him and 416 00:36:39,780 --> 00:36:46,340 So on both sides of things you see like this inferiority complex of 417 00:36:46,340 --> 00:36:51,180 Okay, I'll never be good enough this person's always gonna 418 00:36:53,780 --> 00:36:56,260 Be better or 419 00:36:59,100 --> 00:37:01,100 I'll never amount to anything 420 00:37:01,980 --> 00:37:08,020 Never be worthy of love never be worthy of respect when in all actuality 421 00:37:10,540 --> 00:37:12,540 What we should see is 422 00:37:12,540 --> 00:37:15,380 is maybe this person 423 00:37:17,380 --> 00:37:22,180 Doesn't like even when Theo brings home Cathy for the first time 424 00:37:24,740 --> 00:37:26,740 He's like oh 425 00:37:28,260 --> 00:37:33,700 Think like the father says about might not last long or something like in reference to 426 00:37:34,700 --> 00:37:37,700 like the whole relationship and 427 00:37:37,700 --> 00:37:43,900 And there's just like nice to see you too dad and it's like sometimes I 428 00:37:45,940 --> 00:37:47,940 Don't know people realize 429 00:37:48,980 --> 00:37:52,660 necessarily what they say like that can be hurtful and 430 00:37:56,580 --> 00:37:58,940 Can actually be detrimental to somebody 431 00:37:58,940 --> 00:38:06,820 I don't know who is drowning or well Tokyo long enough to find somebody it's like those 432 00:38:07,940 --> 00:38:09,940 those woods 433 00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:14,980 They're not like woods about formation. They're not helpful. They're actually harmful 434 00:38:17,340 --> 00:38:19,340 And 435 00:38:19,420 --> 00:38:23,660 Or like wish you could be like your brother or you know 436 00:38:23,660 --> 00:38:27,380 even like making comments about 437 00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:36,980 People's like sighs can sometimes lead to eating disorders. There's all like these different right perspectives 438 00:38:39,660 --> 00:38:41,660 So 439 00:38:41,740 --> 00:38:45,300 You definitely see that there's like the sympathy already complex 440 00:38:46,100 --> 00:38:48,500 of trying to prove 441 00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:55,540 Actually trying to prove that you know what I can I can make it work. I can get a nice girl 442 00:38:55,540 --> 00:38:59,380 I can do these different things. I can prove to my dad 443 00:39:00,060 --> 00:39:03,180 How much of a success that I am? 444 00:39:03,900 --> 00:39:06,460 This is all in the is my name 445 00:39:08,380 --> 00:39:10,380 And 446 00:39:10,740 --> 00:39:12,740 I'm gonna be best 447 00:39:12,740 --> 00:39:20,340 Psycho therapist I'm gonna do this right and it's all kind of performance based because then I'll have value 448 00:39:20,340 --> 00:39:22,340 Then I'll have 449 00:39:24,420 --> 00:39:27,580 And sometimes we should realize that it's just 450 00:39:28,300 --> 00:39:32,260 Certain people like these people said these things 451 00:39:32,820 --> 00:39:34,820 They were trying to harm me 452 00:39:35,340 --> 00:39:38,260 That doesn't mean that I 453 00:39:38,260 --> 00:39:41,820 I am worthless and I don't 454 00:39:43,580 --> 00:39:45,580 I'm unlovable 455 00:39:46,020 --> 00:39:48,020 I'm discarded goods. I'm 456 00:39:49,100 --> 00:39:50,580 Whatever 457 00:39:50,580 --> 00:39:54,260 but sometimes we interpret it as that direction and 458 00:39:56,180 --> 00:39:58,180 We can kind of 459 00:39:58,900 --> 00:40:02,580 Offer up these self-fulfilling prophecies in a way that 460 00:40:03,620 --> 00:40:05,620 Okay, when things don't work out 461 00:40:05,620 --> 00:40:07,620 You know what? 462 00:40:10,620 --> 00:40:12,620 My dad was right all these years. I 463 00:40:17,020 --> 00:40:22,500 I could make a marriage work. I was gonna end up just like them, you know and those 464 00:40:23,900 --> 00:40:28,220 Those are harmful ideologies. So sometimes we're more determined than ever 465 00:40:28,740 --> 00:40:31,820 To not end up like our parents that we end up doing 466 00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:34,500 similar things 467 00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:36,980 Or not end up like somebody 468 00:40:38,300 --> 00:40:40,300 That we end up doing 469 00:40:42,100 --> 00:40:44,600 Some of the things anyway, so 470 00:40:48,300 --> 00:40:50,700 In some ways I do believe that 471 00:40:51,500 --> 00:40:58,220 Both marriages were kind of drowning because you realize that there's like an infidelity, right? 472 00:40:58,220 --> 00:41:03,580 So Gabriel he's having these like photo shoots 473 00:41:04,420 --> 00:41:06,420 Staying late at the office 474 00:41:07,420 --> 00:41:12,980 Anybody who stays up late at the office that that can't ever be good like 475 00:41:15,940 --> 00:41:22,480 People just don't work anymore if they're staying late at the office that only means one thing, right? 476 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,480 anyway 477 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,840 and then 478 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:37,920 Also, but be a he discovers Kathy is cheating on him 479 00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,160 And 480 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:51,240 He he discovers that a computer's open because he is actually 481 00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:58,600 Like having a hard time trying to get through to Alicia at this particular point 482 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,080 He's having a hard time 483 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,400 Just everything in general 484 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:11,440 He realized okay 485 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:15,400 Kathy is 486 00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:21,200 Cheating on him she has her email open 487 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,280 and 488 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:29,040 There's like these messages going back and forth. I don't I 489 00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,920 Don't know anybody 490 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:39,200 emails like yes, I get it like if you DM somebody like I 491 00:42:39,720 --> 00:42:41,720 feel like 492 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,920 DM somebody's central messages or 493 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:48,800 doing it through 494 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,360 Some form of private message or like a 495 00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:58,440 Maybe oh, yeah, but I was like 496 00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,200 she's some more 497 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:03,520 professional in my mind, so 498 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:10,360 When I'm sending something I'm like, this is an itinerary for the week. I don't anyway 499 00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:12,800 That's just beyond me 500 00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:27,280 Why send email especially if you work email, but he notices that and 501 00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:33,480 Feels like should I keep quiet or should I come to her with a concern? 502 00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:40,720 Honestly, I feel like coming to her 503 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:47,040 Might have been a little bit because he was like I can I can fix my marriage I can I 504 00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:50,600 Couldn't ignore the fact that 505 00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:53,040 she's 506 00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,040 cheating on me and 507 00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,200 Delity because you know 508 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,200 Also 509 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:07,480 I can't believe she's cheating on me behind my back. Well, I don't think 510 00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:14,280 Normally that's not something you want to do people to do what I knew fun of you is to cheat right in front of you 511 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:23,720 So, you know, but and I'm not saying hey, you know what? 512 00:44:34,720 --> 00:44:41,360 What I am saying though is there is a little bit of an extent and I'm gonna get 513 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:45,000 into some of this as well, but 514 00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,560 So 515 00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:53,520 His marriage was drowning and then also 516 00:44:54,800 --> 00:45:00,920 Gabriel's marriage was kind of crumbling too and I feel like in some ways they 517 00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:04,960 both Theo and Kathy and Gabriel 518 00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:10,680 Probably had some trauma too, but you 519 00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:15,320 Know 520 00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:17,360 Theo and Alicia 521 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,720 They were drowning because deep down 522 00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:27,880 They didn't ever think that they were deserving of this and 523 00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:32,080 So in some ways 524 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:36,320 They kind of like self sabotage the relationship 525 00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:49,120 And sometimes that can happen they thought that they could you know safety of the person 526 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,920 Like Kathy maybe like in the beginning like oh 527 00:45:53,920 --> 00:46:01,000 You're dealing with this. Okay, let's talk about it. Let's see what's going on after a certain amount of time 528 00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:04,560 Yeah, you want to try to help the person 529 00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:14,600 But I also feel like there's a point where you have to set up a boundary of being like 530 00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:17,960 You know what I want to be here for you. I love you 531 00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:23,000 You might actually need to see someone and talk to them 532 00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,160 Like I 533 00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,200 In the situation 534 00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:46,720 Thought I could save them. They had a lot of like, you know people I feel like people have trauma 535 00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:48,720 Anyway, so 536 00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,640 And I know sometimes that might just be like a cover all 537 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,200 People have trauma get over I 538 00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,360 Believe people have trauma, okay 539 00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:09,000 But sometimes what happens is like I know you have a therapist and I am not them 540 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:12,040 Okay 541 00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:19,680 Please I want to be here for you, but I can't be there for you to that extent and not if both of us are drowning 542 00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,040 I can't keep 543 00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:31,960 So not only did they have like a 544 00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:42,040 A inferiority complex. He also had like a savior complex where he's like I can rescue you I can 545 00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:46,760 Just pull up on my hand I will be 546 00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:49,680 your 547 00:47:49,720 --> 00:47:54,760 Person who can help you he thought that with Alicia. He thought that with his marriage 548 00:47:54,760 --> 00:48:02,400 You know some people don't necessarily want to be safe and also here's the thing too about each 549 00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:04,960 like Gabriel and 550 00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:07,200 Kathy 551 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:13,880 When they're talking about their relationship, Gabriel goes to Alicia time and time again. He's like, hey, you know what I 552 00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:18,480 What if we go here this weekend because I 553 00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:24,440 I will we do something to get out of the house 554 00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:31,520 Because you know what I feel like something in us has died 555 00:48:33,240 --> 00:48:36,840 She doesn't want to take him up so I think in some ways 556 00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,120 Yeah, like not making the effort 557 00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:48,840 Definitely put it's like okay at least this individual. I'm not saying like 558 00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:53,520 Honestly, do I do not believe I? 559 00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:59,840 Think that it would definitely put too much and be too much pressure 560 00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,040 To know someone was 561 00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:09,240 Like she not you and I 562 00:49:09,240 --> 00:49:13,160 I do think that sometimes even 563 00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:20,480 Even if you're like emotionally cheating with someone you've already 564 00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,700 You might not have done the deed or like 565 00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:31,160 Done anything in the bedroom, but even if you feel like emotionally cheated this is my personal 566 00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:38,760 Opinion in some way like if you if you're just like kind of sharing like hey 567 00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:40,760 I'm in a tough spot right now 568 00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:46,840 That might be okay. I've I've shared that with some friends, but if it's like a 569 00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:49,920 person that may be 570 00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,080 Like you or 571 00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:58,280 Maybe feelings for you, you don't know but they're 572 00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:07,280 They could potentially be and potentially move you away from your partner 573 00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:16,720 If you're like sharing your pieces and be like this is what I went through these are all my pain 574 00:50:16,720 --> 00:50:27,480 You know and you're talking about your husband and saying this is oh that's gas lining. That's this that's that? 575 00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:36,740 Sometimes having your relationship set on private is sometimes the best 576 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:43,480 Option and when I'm saying I'm not saying like if you have social media post that person 577 00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:45,400 but 578 00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:52,040 I'm saying like having a relationship, but not letting everybody know every single detail about your relationship 579 00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:57,480 Because if you are in the brink of something don't 580 00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:02,520 pull another person in to like the storm 581 00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:09,280 Try to hold on to the sales though are they falling you know, I just I 582 00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,200 Don't think about it that way 583 00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:18,880 Unless it's like okay, it's very toxic and maybe it's like a TV situation 584 00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:28,360 Unless it's something like super super serious 585 00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:40,160 I honestly don't think that you should have people offering unsolicited advice in your relationship 586 00:51:45,720 --> 00:51:48,960 But that's neither here nor there 587 00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:55,120 So I do think that you have they can save your complex Gabriel 588 00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:58,720 And not so much, but I think that they 589 00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:03,760 And then Kathy like she was like, you know what all the way we used to 590 00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:11,320 Do interesting we use the live life and do it to the fullest 591 00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,840 Now we're not doing any of that and he's like I have a job. I have a life 592 00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:19,320 She's like well, I have a job too, but I 593 00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:27,480 I want to do it with you. I think in some ways they pushed 594 00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:37,200 Especially if you're not getting that validation especially if that's how you see validation 595 00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:40,440 That's how you see love. You're not getting it in a partner 596 00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:48,000 Then let me go to a partner who is going to appreciate and is going to love me 597 00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:52,360 I'm not I don't 598 00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,600 Justify 599 00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:07,320 Understand especially like in this like the book how it happened, okay, and sometimes in real life people's like oh 600 00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:14,240 We just fell out of love walk me through walk me through how you fell out of love, okay? 601 00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:16,920 You didn't fall out of love 602 00:53:17,240 --> 00:53:19,240 This happened this happened this happened 603 00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:24,440 You want me to connect the dots cuz I can tell you what 604 00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:30,280 Just based on what you told me, you know 605 00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:33,600 there's 606 00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:38,200 So when people like oh, yeah, I just I 607 00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:43,160 Just fell out of love. I wasn't feeling it anymore. It's like 608 00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:46,560 something happened and love is also 609 00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:50,400 if love is sometimes a choice like it's like 610 00:53:52,880 --> 00:54:00,000 Sometimes you have to choose to love somebody even though your worst days even on their worst days 611 00:54:01,240 --> 00:54:02,600 so 612 00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:04,600 Love is sometimes 613 00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:10,920 So both people's relationship was drowning and they tried to save it 614 00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:16,200 You know what 615 00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:23,320 At some points though in the book 616 00:54:23,840 --> 00:54:27,360 Theo gave off like Joe Goldberg from you 617 00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:32,120 Which Joe Goldberg he kind of was like the stalker? 618 00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:37,240 type personality and it's also like I think I 619 00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:42,640 Think he was based primarily on the book 620 00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:45,400 bones 621 00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:50,360 Hidden bones in the basement or something. That's what like the you 622 00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:57,400 Do TV show is based on this like this book, but also like the character of 623 00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:02,760 Joe Goldberg and he has many aliases on the TV show 624 00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,640 Because he's shown them outrun from this past 625 00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:11,680 It's both the resemble Ted 626 00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:18,160 Anyway 627 00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,160 Because 628 00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:24,840 But like I'm just talking about from the stalker vibes alone 629 00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:27,880 Theo is just giving 630 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,000 Joe Goldberg 631 00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:36,400 So at one point so he figures out okay 632 00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:38,960 who 633 00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:43,400 Kathy which is his wife is 634 00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:45,960 cheating he 635 00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:47,960 follows 636 00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:49,840 he follows them 637 00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:51,840 one time into the woods and 638 00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:54,080 like 639 00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,080 very interesting like 640 00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,160 They're 641 00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:03,080 They're doing like kind of 642 00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:09,040 The dirty in the woods very very weird and 643 00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:12,280 Honestly 644 00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:18,080 I'm just trying to be as conscious as I can also 645 00:56:18,720 --> 00:56:23,200 I don't think that it's necessarily dirty just want to clarify that I just 646 00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:25,760 sometimes 647 00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:27,760 Anyway, so 648 00:56:29,160 --> 00:56:31,160 And he follows them 649 00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:36,200 So there's also like the 650 00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:44,080 Emotional disordination and trauma situations sometimes we act out or 651 00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,400 We feel like maybe this urge to protect like we don't 652 00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:53,160 In Alicia's case she's 653 00:56:54,120 --> 00:57:00,120 When you love maybe defaces one of her paintings she kind of 654 00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:07,680 Takes one of her art supplies and kind of I think punctures the whole 655 00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:13,880 There was there's several different situations in the book where 656 00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:20,240 Alicia and Elif kind of have like a feud so if 657 00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:23,000 That one's not the correct one 658 00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:26,800 So 659 00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:30,080 You have that one is like I say there's several ones 660 00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:34,960 Sometimes we fell out need to protect sometimes we don't 661 00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:37,800 scream and we can't necessarily 662 00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:45,560 Say what's going on or a lot what also happens is 663 00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:54,320 I think because Alicia also had 664 00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:56,320 Suicidal 665 00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:03,040 Ideations and she has like some self-home scores on her wrist 666 00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:09,160 But some of them were kind of deep so I'm like I think that well 667 00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:14,960 It's all super techniques 668 00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:22,680 But it can be a deep score, but what I'm saying is I wonder if like some of those scores 669 00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:24,680 Because 670 00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:29,000 People had automatically assumed hey, you know what 671 00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:36,280 She did this to herself even though like on that night 672 00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:43,640 Her husband it was a very dramatic night and 673 00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:50,840 And some other things happen so 674 00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:57,280 Also like 675 00:58:57,680 --> 00:59:04,720 So also soothing techniques the way that we can interact with other people and sometimes be different 676 00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:09,280 There were a lot of plot twists as well 677 00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:14,800 For instance it seems like they wanted to pin everything on Paul which was 678 00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:21,400 Well actually not Paul Paul was totally different 679 00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:24,320 Max 680 00:59:24,320 --> 00:59:26,320 which 681 00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,320 Alicia must have been this very 682 00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,400 attractive person that everybody just 683 00:59:32,080 --> 00:59:34,080 She must have been a 10 out of 10 684 00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:44,080 I mean, it seems like everybody had a crush on her. Anyway, they thought it was another thing. 685 00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:50,640 It was like a love pentagon. Forget about the love triangle. This is just 686 00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:54,240 Anyway, like so 687 00:59:56,240 --> 00:59:58,240 Max 688 00:59:58,640 --> 01:00:00,640 Is 689 01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:03,440 Oh, yeah is Gabriel's brother 690 01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:08,720 And apparently he liked 691 01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:13,760 Alicia and 692 01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:23,360 So also to 693 01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:28,720 Here's another thing that they want you to kind of pick up on is 694 01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:30,720 sometimes 695 01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:33,360 Alicia and 696 01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:36,800 Gabriel's relationship was great and other times 697 01:00:37,840 --> 01:00:41,760 There's more of like a domestic violence situation. So sometimes people's like 698 01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:53,680 Husband 699 01:00:53,680 --> 01:01:03,920 And also like so they seem to pin everything on max and max was like, well, of course she was crazy 700 01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:11,840 You know, she was also seeing this doctor 701 01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,440 Like psychiatrist type of deal 702 01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:21,280 So we know she was on medication. So she was having to be regulated 703 01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:23,280 And 704 01:01:24,960 --> 01:01:27,200 Another one is gene philips who 705 01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:34,080 Also had was obsessed with maybe her artwork 706 01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:37,200 Too much 707 01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:39,760 Very 708 01:01:39,840 --> 01:01:42,960 Unsettling how obsessed with the artwork he was 709 01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:49,040 anyway, um and then christian, but I feel like a lot of times because 710 01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:53,280 Okay, so christian and theo 711 01:01:56,560 --> 01:02:02,640 I think that they had take um taken classes together in college and 712 01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:05,600 They don't like the eye to eye on 713 01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:07,680 how 714 01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:09,680 practices 715 01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,760 Should work or how people should be treated and like 716 01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:15,760 Um 717 01:02:18,560 --> 01:02:20,560 And 718 01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:26,000 So then later on in the book you find out that it was actually theo who wanted to take the case 719 01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:28,880 um and 720 01:02:29,520 --> 01:02:32,880 Figure out like who actually killed 721 01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:35,760 Alicia. I mean 722 01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,000 Who killed Gabriel and his whole 723 01:02:39,040 --> 01:02:41,040 scenario 724 01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:43,040 um and 725 01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:52,640 Because he um Alicia had said that there was someone who was stalking and she could tell 726 01:02:54,720 --> 01:02:59,760 And this person might stop by your house and different things like why she wasn't 727 01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:04,160 Why she would stay or like maybe in the art studio 728 01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:09,920 Um, you find out later that it's theo because 729 01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:13,040 Gabriel 730 01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:18,640 Is actually she on Alicia with Kathy 731 01:03:20,240 --> 01:03:22,240 And so it's 732 01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:24,880 Yeah, so 733 01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:33,280 Then theo decides later like you figure all this out later on in the story line that 734 01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:36,560 Theo wants 735 01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:40,800 to work in this psychiatric facility because he thinks that he can get 736 01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:43,920 Alicia to talk more than anybody because 737 01:03:44,640 --> 01:03:46,640 he was there 738 01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:49,040 He also and a lot of people 739 01:03:49,520 --> 01:03:50,400 want 740 01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:57,200 Alicia to believe that this man wasn't actually real that she was just making it up. Maybe she was 741 01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:04,560 Paranoia and just imagining different things that there wasn't really someone that was stalking her all this time, right? 742 01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:09,040 Well 743 01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:11,920 That the story line seems too far-fetched 744 01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:14,880 um 745 01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:17,120 She actually lied to 746 01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:21,280 To like she does start to talk at the end 747 01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:24,800 of the book 748 01:04:25,760 --> 01:04:27,760 Kish, you know 749 01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:36,960 She finally has the words to say 750 01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:41,920 And 751 01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:45,440 She she lies about like the story of how like 752 01:04:45,440 --> 01:04:48,480 Theo has been actually died because 753 01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:52,000 The see if 754 01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:54,000 Theo is actually gonna pick up that she was lying 755 01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:57,200 Kish, Theo is the one that comes into her house 756 01:04:58,480 --> 01:05:01,200 Basically starts this like home invasion 757 01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:04,800 You know 758 01:05:06,080 --> 01:05:14,080 And he's like oh, I just wanted to awaken her like I was awakened to the problems in my relationship 759 01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:16,880 To realize my wife was cheating on me 760 01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:28,080 If you really wanted to help this person this is not the way to do it. You don't you don't start a home invasion 761 01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:31,520 Be like oh, I'm sorry. I was trying to help you 762 01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:34,800 That's just dumb making sense 763 01:05:36,320 --> 01:05:38,320 um 764 01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:41,840 And also 765 01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:43,840 In a lot of ways 766 01:05:44,720 --> 01:05:46,720 to 767 01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:52,960 You see that there was incriminating evidence against him. So he was the one that tied 768 01:05:55,600 --> 01:05:57,600 Um 769 01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:05,920 With wires and it was actually the wires that you used like for framing 770 01:06:05,920 --> 01:06:12,800 And one of the events that was he wore like the sea mask into her house 771 01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:15,280 all these different things 772 01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:18,080 um 773 01:06:20,800 --> 01:06:22,800 And then 774 01:06:24,640 --> 01:06:26,640 You find out too that 775 01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:32,400 He 776 01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:34,480 basically 777 01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:36,480 Intrubinously 778 01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:39,360 um all sorts of like 779 01:06:39,360 --> 01:06:41,360 or he inserts 780 01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:44,000 um 781 01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:46,400 Drugs into 782 01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:48,400 Alicia's skin 783 01:06:48,560 --> 01:06:49,840 and 784 01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:51,840 Making her drowsy 785 01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:54,000 Making her kind of pass out 786 01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:59,600 And he tries to play like her so undecorated in the book 787 01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:01,600 Um 788 01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:11,680 Like oh, I hope she's okay. I I think it was Christian because you know, he was the only one who had access to this medicine 789 01:07:13,520 --> 01:07:15,520 It was actually him 790 01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:18,880 And in this one 791 01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:24,000 Um picture that Theo does not like 792 01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:29,200 There's the journal because he's like 793 01:07:29,760 --> 01:07:31,760 Rummaging, you know 794 01:07:31,760 --> 01:07:34,160 um while kind of 795 01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:38,320 Alicia is 796 01:07:40,000 --> 01:07:43,360 Basically on life support and all of this um 797 01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:46,400 Rummaging through like loom 798 01:07:48,320 --> 01:07:50,960 To see if you can find any incriminating evidence 799 01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:57,040 That like actually shows he was the villain in all of this 800 01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,000 you know 801 01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:07,280 He he knew Alicia too before she came into like a psychiatric facility 802 01:08:08,320 --> 01:08:10,320 um 803 01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:15,840 And 804 01:08:15,840 --> 01:08:21,680 And there's like a detective too that shows up at Theo's door 805 01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:25,360 Of his house and 806 01:08:26,240 --> 01:08:28,240 They like escort him away 807 01:08:28,720 --> 01:08:30,240 um 808 01:08:30,480 --> 01:08:32,480 to like 809 01:08:32,480 --> 01:08:34,880 Daddy Wagon and um 810 01:08:37,920 --> 01:08:40,640 He also, Theo does not make his marriage work 811 01:08:40,640 --> 01:08:42,640 Um 812 01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:47,600 Like because 813 01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:53,200 He also killed 814 01:08:55,360 --> 01:08:57,360 He also killed kind of 815 01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:03,840 Uh his wife's lover then Kathy's 816 01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:09,200 and he sensed and he sensed Theo um 817 01:09:11,120 --> 01:09:13,120 And 818 01:09:15,120 --> 01:09:17,120 Yeah 819 01:09:19,920 --> 01:09:21,920 But 820 01:09:22,080 --> 01:09:24,080 The whole storyline 821 01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:28,320 I was like I hate when you find like there were just so many 822 01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:37,760 Plot plot twists that I just didn't necessarily know what was gonna happen and I was really hoping that Theo wasn't gonna be it 823 01:09:38,640 --> 01:09:40,640 But I should have known 824 01:09:41,280 --> 01:09:43,280 I really shouldn't have known 825 01:09:43,760 --> 01:09:45,760 Anyway that 826 01:09:46,720 --> 01:09:52,720 We see end of that episode and um if you do want to hear anything else or 827 01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:56,800 any book reviews any movies that 828 01:09:56,800 --> 01:09:58,800 You guys think about 829 01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:00,800 Which is 830 01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:02,800 Anything in general 831 01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:04,800 Um 832 01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:28,800 I do not know