Hello and welcome to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi!
Hey babe.
How's it going?
It's good, how are you?
It's good.
I went into two totally different tones there, didn't I?
That's okay, that's what happens.
Hey babe.
How are you?
That's how this works.
Hey babe.
Yeah, that's how this works.
Hey babe.
Hey.
How's your day?
It's good.
I went into the office today, so got to give a briefing to some new people.
Because that's what you do?
Because that's what I do every now and then.
You get to get out of your sweatpants.
Yes.
Into your khakis.
Business casual.
You look so cute walking out the door this morning.
Thanks.
To the point where my half-sleepiness went, aww you look handsome.
Thanks love.
Because you are, you're cute.
Thanks.
I like you.
And you got to hang out at the pool today.
I have the tan to prove it.
Yes.
I think I'm a little darker.
I mean, I think I am.
I'm looking.
And you're covered up in pants and a sweatshirt.
I am.
I'm like, because I got home and I was like, I walked into the house and I went, woo, I'm
going to put some clothes on.
Because that's what I have to do.
Because it dropped below 80 and I was cold.
That's true.
But it was.
It was a good day.
I met some of my absolute favorite people on the planet.
People that you don't get to see often.
It was so good.
In person.
Yeah.
It was so good.
And it was like, refreshing.
Just the whole day was refreshing.
We spent a few hours at a splash park, pool thing, something.
There was giant slides.
And there was a little lazy river and it was the perfect size because the kids could go
run around and you didn't have to feel like you had to helicopter or be in a constant.
The also bonus was, I think I told you that the water was not more than four feet, a little
over four feet.
Which that is humongous because our still little guy is working it out.
Not the most proficient swimmer yet.
He is not yet.
He's not yet.
But oh man.
It was so cute because we even called you from the car.
We were on our way home.
We were like, alright babe, we're on our way home.
Okay, cool.
And he was like, dad.
And then I'm just saying how incredibly proud I am and was of him because this is the summer
where he gets to conquer a lot of fear.
He gets to conquer a lot of obstacles.
Same with our girl.
You know, just being able to stand back and just go, God, thank you.
Thank you for just our family.
Thank you for directing us in raising our kiddos the way that we have just so that way
they can grow into these confident, amazing human beings.
So it was just, it was fun.
It was a good day.
So that actually kind of rolls me into what I wanted to talk about.
Yes, because I'm in the dark today on this episode.
It is.
And again, these are the moments where I say if I tell you, then we will talk.
And we've told this to our listeners that we have a tendency to talk before we talk
about it.
And I was like, I just want to talk about this today.
And so what hit me today was the friend that I met up with, there was actually a couple
of the friends that I met up with and our little guys are all roughly the same age.
So that's number one, we were friends before we had little guys, but it makes it even cooler
of a bond when you see your kiddos bonding with their kiddos.
Our beautiful brown eyed girl was with us too.
And we had our little Elisha with us hanging out and just playing.
So she was consumed with baby watch and we just enjoyed just being today.
And my friend posted some of the pictures that we took today from the pool.
And she said the most beautiful sentence to the point where I almost cried.
And it's just simply said, family doesn't have to match.
True.
It's very true.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And our beautiful friend has four amazing boys.
And they come from different spaces.
They've adopted these amazing guys.
And one of them is a different color than the rest of the other kids.
And when we showed up and he's theirs, I mean, all four of them, they're theirs.
And there's no difference.
And then I have my other bestie that has her amazing bunch that she's got four of them,
possibly two more that they're going to be adopting.
And they're all the same color, but they come from all different backgrounds in different
spaces.
Right?
And it was like, and then here's one of my other, literally it's a whole day of just
besties.
And one of my others, she's literally traveling and she's heading up to go meet family that
she hasn't seen in a really long time.
And she had to call me today and just said, Hey, yeah, good.
No, I just needed to make sure that life is still good and everything is still right because
she's meeting family that she's not around as much or if at all.
And she needed to remind, be reminded of us being family.
And it was like all of, all of these amazing faces and all of these amazing spaces of people,
their family, they haven't just picked their family or they live in their own family and
have been born and grown into their own family.
These are people that literally have said, I choose you to be my family.
I choose you to be somebody that is my ride or die.
Somebody that's in my corner that I, I, I'm here.
And the cool thing was, is as we were gathering me and Sebastian, Gabri and little Elisha,
when we were all gathering ourselves together and trying to get all this stuff, I'm hearing
my sweet friend explain to the grandmother of their fourth, you know, who we are because
our family doesn't match per se.
And so as we're just, I'm sweetly eavesdropping, but my sweet friend doesn't have a whisper
voice.
So she's telling the history of how we even came about, you know, like this was Dina and
this is, she was married before and then she was a single mom and then along came you and
here's their son.
And then, oh, and that little boy that, that, you know, Gabri's holding, that's actually
like an adopted, like that's family, you know, because our sweet Sarah lived with us for
a season and now she's married and she has baby and she's family and she's adopted daughter,
you know, spiritually and it's, and it's no paperwork involved.
And I think that that's what it was.
It was just, it was that, that thing of when we start seeing like the inner weavings because
sometimes we get so caught up on, we have to look like everybody else or we have to
act like everybody else in order to be family or we even have to be blood to be family.
And I kept thinking today as I'm being surrounded by all these amazing friends, cause our other
friend that came on the journey with us today, they have adopted boys and they were there
to play and it was just, it was, it was literally the picture of the kingdom of God.
It was literally the picture of, of our father, right?
Like our heavenly father, he, he's adopted us into his kingdom.
He's brought us into this family.
And I just, I was overwhelmed by just the goodness of what literally what the kingdom
of God can look like when we stop being so caught up in, I have to act, look, smell,
think all of the things even have the same, you know, experiences or I have to have the
same likes or dislikes or I have to know that's, that's not thinking, you know, that's not
even family.
It's not even blood family, but everybody has their own thing, right?
They get to bring something sweet to the table.
But the thing that I love the most too, and this is what we try to teach our family, our
family and our, you know, and our, our, our sweet kiddos friends, you know, which are
our family is they'll know us by our love for one another.
You know, they'll know, they'll know us that we're family because of the care that we have
for one another.
I may not like you in a space or I may not care for the same things that you care for,
but the thing is, as I love you, I love you to the point to where I care about your wellbeing.
I care about your health, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, all of it.
I care about who you are.
I care about, you know, what God has got for your life.
I care about is the enemy coming and trying to knock you off of your path.
You know, I care enough to fight for you in a space, even in the times where you may not
be following God or you may not be looking like the things of the kingdom of God.
The fact that I'm you were family.
I love you.
I'm fighting for you and I'm, I'm never going to change my mind.
You know, you know.
Yeah.
And, and I mean, that is, that is huge.
And I know, I know as far as like fostering and adoption and all of that and the blended
families that, you know, I know we've talked about and yes, we kind of have a blended family
and we have a lot of friends that are, are, you know, really deep into the fostering and
the, the, the adoption and, you know, other friends of ours have taken that to another
level and it's just, it is, it's, it's huge because it is.
And I mean, there's so many different ways that my mind is just trying to literally trying
to process how to respond and all this while trying to talk and make up my response at
the same time.
Because I do, my mind is going in so many different directions, but it's like, in a
way it's like my mind goes to this and you know, for this reason, a man leaves his mother
and father and clings to his family or clings to his wife, but, but also in a way clings
to his family because it is, it's, it's, it's like, I don't want to be cliche and cheesy,
but it's like family is what you make it.
It truly is what you make it.
And it's, it's one of those things that, you know, I'll say, I mean, just the weightiness,
especially of foster and adoption and, and, you know, in, in even blended families, you
know, the, the amount of foundation, the amount of, of verbal legwork that needs to go in.
You know, I know some other friends of ours, they, they recently had almost a crisis drop
in their lab.
And it was one of those things that they had to make a decision fairly quickly.
But it was one of those things that they had had, they had laid that foundation.
They had had enough conversations about this situation, playing the what if game, which,
you know, yes, is good to do to a degree, but you also don't want to overplay it, you
know, because playing the what if game too much, then it turns into, you know, it can,
it can lead to worry.
It can lead to anxiety.
It can learn to that, that, that spiral of, you know, it's, I've heard the term analysis
paralysis, you know, where you're trying to analyze it and trying to get so much information
that all of a sudden you either completely freeze on the decision or you miss the decision
or miss the opportunity because you've been overthinking it.
Right.
You know, so it's, it's one of those things that, you know, when it comes to this and
when it comes to this, just the gathering, you know, it's like, I think that's where
my mind goes is, you know, all of the conversations and all of the planning and all of the foundation
that that needs to be, that that gets to be built, you know, before you even go into a
situation like this, because there is, there's, you know, you were talking with, with your
one friend, how one of their children, parts of the biological family are still involved.
Yes.
Even though there's been a full adoption.
Yeah.
You know, and, and they were actually there today.
Right.
I got to meet them today and that was the grandmother was the one that was asking the
questions because I think the beautiful thing, I'm sorry, I cut you off, but one of the beautiful
things about it was she was seeing her, her last name is the same as our daughters.
Yeah.
And I said, Oh, are we family somewhere?
And she's just going, no, I mean, like, and so she starts going down the line of like,
where she's from all of the stuff and whatnot.
And I just stopped her mid mid kind of like what I did with just you right there.
Just that.
And I said, but we're family.
And like the look on her face, and then she gets this light in her eyes and the smile
of it's that easy.
Yeah, it is that easy.
It's that easy.
And again, it's, you know, because the conversations of, you know, should, you know, in a situation
like that, you know, because there there's more to it.
It wasn't just a, you know, I'm, you know, randomly going to, you know, they are friends
weren't randomly going to an adoption agency and free and clear.
You know, there there was there was a lot of there was a lot of struggle.
There was a lot of heartache before the joy and there was a joy and then there was heartache.
And, you know, we watched them go through some of the roller coaster.
And it's but it is it's, you know, because even those conversations and that solid foundation
to say, yes, we are going to allow the biological family that technically has no rights, technically
has no part anymore in this child's life.
But we're going to still include them because that's the life we want to live.
Yeah.
And it's, you know, because it's I don't know, in my mind, it's like it it wouldn't even
be a question of, you know, what's necessarily best for the child or not.
You know, because me being kind of selfish would be like, well, we're a solid family
and that's what's best.
You know, a good family and going to, you know, turning turning your life to God.
That's what's best for the child period.
You know, but to include the the biological parts of the biological family, if not all,
I don't I don't know all the details.
But to to turn and say not not just what's best for the child, but what's best for the
people around you.
Yes.
You know, because in my mind, that provides such such an example.
You know, again, we talk so much about the fruit.
You know, what fruit are you leaving behind?
And you know, it's you know, this this child is going to grow up seeing this example of
this is how you act and and react.
And and this family is going to notice that and and live and know that that's how that's
how the example is supposed to be.
Yeah.
You know, and so it is it's I do I think that that is that's just what it comes back to
for me is, you know, you're you're you are you're planting those seeds to eventually
grow that fruit.
Yeah.
You know, and it's it's one of those things I was thinking about this the other day because
I heard somebody talking about, you know, sowing and reaping and all that fun stuff.
And you know, it really hit me.
And I don't know if I told you this or if I said this recently, but it's just been on
my mind.
I'm bouncing in and out, you know, because again, the the examples that you you you put
out there and the kind of life you want to leave lead and, you know, they'll know us
by our fruit and all these really good things.
And it's like the sowing that we do in everyday life, you know, once we once we get out of
our home or even outside of ourselves, you know, the sowing that we do.
Yes, sometimes it gets discouraging because we don't reap that harvest.
But we at times get to reap the harvest that others have sown.
You are right.
You know, and that's that's kind of what you know, when it when it comes to it's like,
it's like I don't even know what to call it, you know.
But again, it's the the adoption, the foster, the blended family.
It's like that's what you get to do is.
You're sowing.
You're leaving.
You're creating a legacy.
You are.
Yeah.
You know, you're creating a legacy, you know, because again, you're you're teaching you're
teaching what what the world should be.
Yeah.
You know, whether whether it be just your own little family or or your small tiny community,
you know, it's like you are living this.
This is the fruit that that people should be living and this is this is the lives that
we should be leading because of who we follow, because of who we believe in.
And it is it's in my mind it is.
And again, it comes back to when you're planning a family, what are those conversations going
to look like?
Yeah.
You know, I know you and I had the conversations when, you know, we first got married and
we had Gabri and it was well, what if we don't have a baby?
You know, what if what if Gabri is our only child?
Yeah.
You know, and and it was, you know, we had we did we had those conversations and you
know, we've we've had the conversations of what if our child what if one of our children
brings home a friend and says, I need I need a place a place to live, I need a safe space,
you know, and or.
And our oldest child has said multiple times to multiple friends.
Yeah.
But listen, you know, would your parents even let me move in?
Listen, they've already had the fact that the fact that our child knows.
Yes.
So and I think that that that right there is a huge sticking point that we haven't just
had the conversation, but we have had the conversation with our children.
Yes.
And our children are so sure in that, that they can without even hesitating, look at
their friend and going, yeah, yeah, no, this is exactly what my parents said.
And this is and just know that if this needs to happen, obviously, again, another conversation
will need to take place.
But for the most part, this has been something that has already been discussed.
Yeah.
And it's like, I can't speak for our friends that have done the adoption and the fostering.
We will be having them come on to have this conversation because it is something that
it's there.
Yeah.
And we don't know a lot about it.
We don't.
But we we know what it is to be a blended family.
Yes.
We know what it is to have the conversation.
I know we've said it before.
Where even when we started dating or fairly quickly before, like around that time, I asked
specifically, is there anybody in your family, like parents specifically that are prejudice
in any way because this will not fly?
Right.
Regardless of whether you're good to go, you're fine.
You don't have anything in your life of that nature.
But do they?
And knowing that even that could cause a problem, you know, and in trying to keep people guarded
interests.
And so I think that that I would say also is something that you want to consider when
you are in the process of either it's family or fram.
We always say framily.
Yes.
Friends that are family.
Just specifically, just standing back and saying, OK, we don't have to look like each
other.
Like I said at the beginning, it doesn't we don't have to be the same.
It's I celebrate when I see the differences, especially like you and me.
Again, people get to know us.
They'll find out that you and I are incredibly different.
And then when we are surrounded by friends that are incredibly different, that have very
different upbringings and different thoughts sometimes.
But the thing the one thing that remains, the one thing that is true, that is constant
is and this is what I talked to my one friend today.
I said, as long as does does it follow up with a word of God?
Yeah, is it something we can filter through with the word of God?
And is he cool with that?
Is it something that the spirit of God says?
Yes.
And if so, then everything else just gets to come out in the wash.
You have to have the conversations you have to walk through the hard times you when you
encounter people that come from different backgrounds from you, you have to sometimes
come with very gentle hands because you don't know what they've been through.
And in the beautiful thing again is leading them to the cross, leading them to the healing,
leading them leading them to the healer.
I don't know how to do this, but I know my God can.
And I don't know how to process this with you.
I mean, even with our own daughter, you know, she she's in the in the space right now where
she would like to go meet her biological dad.
And that hasn't been something that's been in.
And now we're standing back saying, how do we process?
What do we do?
How do we how do we lovingly maneuver this with you so that way your firm foundation,
no matter what the outside looks like, no matter what even the enemy wants to try to
throw in your pathway to say, no, this is your source.
You know who you are.
You know whose you are.
You know that you are not an accident, that you are on purpose for a purpose.
You know, and and I think when we step into that realm and we remind each other, our friends,
our family, the people we're surrounded with, the kingdom of God, kingdom of God makes us
family.
The blood, the blood of Jesus, literally that makes us family.
We've we've chosen to to follow the same dad, the same father, the creator of the universe,
the one that literally formed us in our mother's womb.
He's he's our dad.
He's our father, our heavenly father.
He's the one that graphs all of us together.
And that's what makes us this beautiful living tree of of just color and shapes and sizes
and just it makes it it makes it beautiful.
It just makes it beautiful.
Yeah, it's true.
So that that's literally kind of all I really wanted to talk about today.
That's good.
Was just no matter what your family dynamic looks like, what no matter what it is that
you're surrounded with, just know that when God is your source, when he's your help, when
he's the place where you get to go and and graft yourself in and your foundation is solely
on him and him alone, then what you get to do is you're not by yourself.
Yeah, you're not by yourself.
You are literally you are now.
There's a song, you know, you're the family of God or something like that.
But just knowing that there are more that are for you than are against you, that that
you have brothers and sisters in Christ that that love you, that want to see you succeed,
that want to remind you that you have a hope and a future and you don't have to look like
the people around you.
That's right.
To be family.
Yeah, because even a good portion of the people that listen to us, which are precious, there
are family there and we love them and we appreciate them.
And so just that was it.
I just I just kind of wanted to reflect on that today and just remind again the listeners,
the people whether and if you're if you're not a Christian, if you haven't accepted Jesus
and what he's done for you.
Yeah.
You know, what was it that we saw the other day?
Alice Cooper is saying that, you know, it's not me accepting Jesus as my savior.
It's me actually accepting what Jesus did for me.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Yeah.
That's almost that realization that Jesus accepts me.
He accepts me.
Yeah.
And just know that he wants to have a relationship.
He wants to he wants to bring you into the family that if you come from a broken space,
if you if you've had a wayward mom or a dad or if you don't know these people or if if
you know you you're adopted or if you don't you know what I mean?
Whatever.
If there's been abuse or if there's been just false expectation, just that, man, I've been
disappointed a whole lot.
You know, the fact is that God can not only restore those relationships, but even if those
relationships don't seem to be getting restored, the fact is he can restore you back to him.
And then that's when the healing can come.
That's where forgiveness comes.
That's where freedom comes, where life abundant comes.
And it's there's no cooler place.
And so my prayer is that that's where people go.
That that's where we run to that when we feel lost, when we feel hopeless, when we feel
isolated and alone, that we know that we can run to our father.
Yeah.
Amen.
That's it.
That's good.
I like that.
All right, guys, have the best week.
Enjoy the journey.