Hello and welcome to another podcast of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi.
How's it going?
You know, it's good.
Good.
I've got my coffee.
You've got your coffee.
It's midday.
Yes.
It's two o'clock in the afternoon.
We had a great breakfast, brunch.
An amazing breakfast that turned into a brunch.
Yes.
And our amazing Zangie.
Yes.
She's one of those lifelong friends that became family really quick.
Yes, definitely.
Yeah.
She's good for the soul.
Get people that are around you that are good for your soul.
Yes.
That always, that builds you up.
Yeah.
They pour into you.
Yeah.
You walk away feeling like you can literally conquer the world.
Yes.
So good.
Okay.
What are we talking about today, babe?
I think we kind of talk about our title.
Upfront.
What does it mean to be upfront?
Oh.
I mean, we picked it as a name.
We did.
I mean, it's kind of out there now.
It's true.
So we should probably say why.
I mean, I know that we kind of introduced ourselves in the first one.
We did.
But I think today we want to get a little bit deeper into what upfront means to us.
More so as far as like conversation.
Yes.
In life.
Yeah.
I think that's good.
I know that one of the things that we talk about a lot is, you know, we hear it in scripture
a lot.
Let your yes be yes.
Let your no be no.
You know, don't be divided in your thoughts.
Don't be divided in how you live.
When you say something, you follow through.
You want to be a person of integrity, character.
These are things that people aspire to be these things.
You want to avoid deception, manipulation.
Yep.
Those are gross words.
They are.
And then if you walk in those things, then it creates a division as opposed to becoming
undivided.
Right.
So I think one of the things that we're wanting to talk about today is just kind of just maybe
some simple practical things that maybe you and I have done over the years.
Yes.
And maybe not just some of the things that we've done, but also some of the things that
we've seen.
Because I mean, you and I, outside of our marriage and us being parents, we do have
jobs and we do have other friendships and other things that we're involved in that we
get to use these tools that we have.
It's not just all of a sudden, you know, we're married and these are the tools that we use
when we're married and we never use them in any other part of our life.
You are right.
That's good.
We are who we are.
Right.
You know, I am Luke and I'm for the most part, I'm the same Luke as with you, with our kids,
with my coworkers, you know, with my friends.
What you see is what you get.
Right.
Yeah.
You know, so it's one of those things that it's not like, you know, because if you're
somebody else for all the different people, who are you?
That's exhausting.
Yeah.
You said that and that made me tired.
I mean, seriously, it's like, if you're trying to play, granted there's different roles that
we have in our lives, you know, you may not be as transparent with a coworker as you would
with me.
But if you have a coworker that is in need of something and you happen to have like a
tool of, I could kind of pull back my curtain a little bit and here, let me show you what
God has done in my life or let me show you what I've overcome over time.
I think that's what causes, it cultivates it into something different.
But the fact is that you're still who you are is who you are.
You're upfront with who you are.
You're upfront, baby.
Look at you.
Look at that.
Tie it back.
As it is, I mean, as long as you're who you are, you know, because I have coworkers that
don't believe in God or may not be filled with the Holy Spirit like we are.
But by living my life, they know who I am.
And if something happens, they know they can come to me.
I mean, I've seen it, yes, I've been working from home for the past almost two years, but
when I was in the office every day, I did notice that there were some coworkers, they
would cuss less around me.
Not without, you know, without me even saying anything, just because they got used to how
I talked and who I was.
They would kind of tone it down around me.
Right.
And the funny thing is, is that's not a big deal in your world.
It's really not.
A word is a word is a word is a word, which that'll be another podcast.
It will.
Yeah.
But it's, I love that.
I love that.
I think when we are upfront about who we are, when we are upfront about, again, you don't
have to share all of you in one dose with people.
But whatever that situation is happening, like our daughter's a senior, you know, it's
like if somebody was to come to her, offer her any kind of paraphernalia of some sort,
she's already in this realm of I've got boundaries.
I've got standards.
I've got certain things in my life that I will not do that I places that I will not
go to, you know?
And when you have that upfront, people know what they're getting.
Yeah.
You're harder to manipulate.
You're harder to be tossed back and forth by your emotions or even what's going on in
the moment.
Like you said, you become somebody that is steadfast.
You become you become someone that's stable because you're not having to, who am I supposed
to be right now?
Right.
What mask should I be putting on?
Because I think we live in a society where there's nothing.
Even before COVID.
People loved their masks.
Come on, babe.
Too many people.
Yeah.
I mean, good, bad and indifferent.
I think that's one of the most beautiful things about people is, you know, sometimes we're
like we're frail.
You know, we can do really dumb things.
You know, we all have pasts of some sort.
And it's, I think too many times we want to try to paint ourselves into this perfect picture.
And all the while it's like people are just looking for someone that's genuine, somebody
that's authentic, somebody that, you know, listen, I've been through hell and back and
you seem to be going through something right now.
Hey, can I, can I just sit with you?
Let's just, let's talk this out.
I can promise you that it's going to get better.
How do you know it's going to get better?
Ma'am, let me tell you about what happened in my life.
You know, if we as a whole would come with that kind of heart with people, not afraid
to take off the mask, not afraid to be transparent and vulnerable.
Especially vulnerable.
These are big words that there's probably quite a few of our people that are listening
that are like, ooh.
These are words that I was very nervous about for the longest time.
But it's one of those where when you say I'm laying everything out in front of you, this
is who I am.
Like when we started courting, you know, we came together, our, one of our first conversations,
our very first date, I'm like, what are you looking for in a relationship?
And your response to me is like, if you, if I tell you, you're going to try to be that.
That told me everything about what you had been experiencing from the past.
And I'm like, well then let me tell you what I want.
And there's so many times people are afraid to tell each other what they want because
it's like, well, maybe what if I get disappointed or, you know, I need to compromise because
you know, that person's not willing to give that much back to me and you want to go, then
you're shortchanging yourself.
Or my favorite, when it comes to relationships, they should know what I want.
Oh dear.
Tell the story, babe.
Yeah, we don't like that in this house.
We don't because again, I mean, it's, it's, it's down to communication.
I mean, yes, we're talking about being upfront.
We're talking about, you know, integrity and sticking to your word.
Let your word, your, let your yes be yes.
But it's, but it's also about communication.
Yeah.
I remember one time I was having a conversation with a young newly married female and she
was talking about what she wanted for Christmas.
Yeah.
And, and she'd been dropping hint after hint after hint.
She was going detailed into how many hints and all the levels of hints that she had been
dropping for her husband, her new husband of what she wanted for Christmas.
And she's like, what do I do?
How do I, how do I make him get this?
I'm like, just tell him.
Tell him.
It's really that easy.
Yeah.
And she's like, but isn't, but why?
And I'm like, here's the thing, especially for guys.
I mean, I know almost every guy is in this boat and I know a lot of girls are in this
boat too.
Yeah.
Guys really like it when they know what they can get for their girlfriend, wife.
Yeah.
What not.
Significant.
You know, significant other.
Because it's like, oh, you really want a new purse.
Yes.
I can, I can get you that purse.
Oh, this is, this is the thing you want.
I can get that for you because this is the color.
Cause that's important.
It is.
I'm learning.
Yep.
But you know, because that's, that's a big thing is, you know, that's especially for
guys and husbands and fathers.
That's, that's hardwired in us to, we're fixers.
Yeah.
So we might not be the best at explaining what's going on, but we like to fix things.
And if we know that, you know, you want, you want a new purse and this, you know, this
model, this color.
Yep.
Look, look what I got you.
Yeah.
You know, or it's like, you know, oh, he should know I want flowers.
I don't know that.
Go ahead and tell our story babe.
How often do you get me flowers?
On my own?
On your own.
Once maybe twice in our marriage.
In the 10 years we've been together.
In the 10 years we've been together, maybe once or twice.
So this is how we do this in our house.
Okay.
And again, we said this at the beginning, we're not trying to give you guys relationship
advice, but we're giving you guys some tips and some, some things that we believe have
really helped us along the way that have taken a lot of the guest workout.
Yeah.
And we've had time and time again, people say, you guys, wait, you guys don't argue?
Well then you're not getting deep with each other.
And we're like, arguing, that's a strong word.
I mean, arguing, disagreeing, we have disagreements.
We talk stuff through all the time.
We're constantly coming at things and completely different directions.
But it's one of those where it's like, I'm just going to tell you my, what I want.
I'm telling you my side of this.
And so whenever I, I am not a big flower girl.
Let's start with that.
I'm not a big flower girl.
I'm practical.
I'm the practical gift giving girl or gift getting girl.
Our first Valentine's day together, I was working at the news station.
I'm in the control room.
My director turns and he says, what did he get you for your Valentine's?
And I said, he got me a new pot or new pan and a blanket for my feet, a foot warmer,
because that's what I wanted.
And he's like dumbfounded because he's like, well, like my girl's wanting diamonds or,
I'm not even sure she's dropping, again, dropping hints.
This is what she's, and I'm like, no, I needed a pan because my pans were old and my feet
get cold when I go to sleep and he doesn't want to sleep next to icicles.
So it's like, let's get a, can we get a foot warmer?
Babe, this is phenomenal.
I had coworkers convinced you were going to divorce me.
No.
I thought you were the most phenomenal.
This is a man that listens.
He listens to the needs of my heart, not just the frailty of my flesh.
You know what I mean?
Because we're flighty.
It's like what I want, but whoa, but like you told you honed into my heart.
You heard my words.
You heard me.
And so when it comes to flowers, they die.
And so I'm like practical gift, but periodically, you know, I'm a girl.
I'm a foo foo girl at times.
Girls want to feel pretty.
Girls want to be pretty and they want to feel pretty and they want to feel appreciated.
And this is what we'll do.
We'll go into a grocery store and I'll turn and look at Luke or sometimes I've called
him from the phone and I've said, do you want to get me flowers today?
I would love to get you flowers today.
And that is how he will respond to me.
And then we'll pick out some flowers for me and then he'll have them in his hand.
He'll turn himself into 360 and then hand them to me.
And then I act like a giddy little girl.
It sounds silly at times, but the fact is that he's speaking my love language in that
moment.
He's speaking to my heart.
He's being upfront.
I'm being upfront about my entire, this is babe.
I would love to have some flowers today.
Could you give me some flowers?
I would love to do that for you or Hey, again, one of our first things, our first dates,
I say first dates.
There was like a lot of first outings.
I would say it that way.
Like one of our first outings to the mall, you give me, you take me and you get me all
new makeup because you saw that was a need in my life.
And it's like, if we, if we listen, if we listen to each other's hearts, if we're upfront
about the desires and the things that we're longing for, whether it's again, whether it's
a spouse, friendship, family members, even with our children, tell me what you want.
Gabriel, honey, tell me what you want.
Sebastian, tell me what you want.
He usually tells us what he wants before he does.
But he's six, six versus 17.
It's a completely different dynamic.
But it's like, and if we, and if we do teach our children and we teach those around us,
if you just ask me, just ask me and I can either say yes or I can say no.
There's multiple times.
So many times we've told our children, no, we've been told each other.
No, sweetheart, that's not in our budget right now.
Or I don't have the time right now, but let me, you know?
And so whenever we were courting our very well, even before we were our very first date,
we're sitting across the table from each other and I'm like, let me tell you what I want.
You had no worries at that point.
You knew exactly what you were walking into.
I was like, the next time somebody kisses me is when the pastor says you may now kiss
the bride.
So he knew right then and there, he wasn't getting physical, physical with me in any
way before if he wanted to go any further with this relationship, he needed to be committed.
And it's like, if we have that kind of stance in every area of our lives, you know, I'm
at my job, I'm only going to work so many hours because this is what I get to give you.
And then if we have that expectation, I think it makes life a lot simpler.
I think it makes people around us a lot more secure.
I think they start because they know already upfront what's going to go, what's going to
happen, what they're going to get.
And kind of along those lines, I know the other night we were talking, having a conversation
with somebody and you know, the topic of boundaries came up and that's kind of along these, you
know, what are your expectations?
What are your boundaries?
And, you know, again, if I had boundaries around my friends or my coworkers and I wasn't
upfront with them, if I didn't communicate my boundaries in a healthy manner, they wouldn't
know and therefore I would get, I would get, I would get trampled on.
You know, so, you know, part of that, part of being who you are, being who you're comfortable
with is saying, these are my boundaries.
You know, this is what I'm comfortable with.
You know, again, when we first got together and had our first date, when she said, there's
going to be no kissing, you know, if this turns into a relationship, there's going to
be no kissing.
Yeah.
You know, that's a boundary.
Yeah.
You know, and yes, we'll get into it later as far as our courtship, but, you know, we
set other boundaries for ourselves and, you know, and for others, you know, it's something
you do as a parent.
You set boundaries for your kids, you know, so that they can grow up safe.
You set boundaries around your friends.
You set boundaries, you know, you usually don't set boundaries around your spouse or
for your spouse, but in a way you do because you say, you know, at this time, this is what
I'm doing.
Yeah.
You know, and sometimes it's just an easy communication of, you know, hey, I'm working
or I'm in a meeting right now, so, you know, could you please not come and try to have
a life-changing discussion with me while I'm at work?
Right.
You know, because that's just a, it's a boundary.
It's mutual respect.
Yeah.
And boundaries and communication, it all, it comes back to, I feel like we've kind of
been going a little all over, but we've followed mainly the same main highway because boundaries
and respect and being upfront with who you are and with who those are around you.
Yeah.
And I think if I can interject as far as like husband and wife boundaries, those very much
exist I think, especially with you and I.
But I think because we, again, we've been so upfront, they don't even seem like boundaries.
See that, I think that's kind of because boundaries almost becomes like a negative sometimes.
Right.
And it's like, oh, you can only come so far and it's like, no, you get to be in this parameter
with me.
But it's like, there's certain, you can watch things that I can't watch.
You can listen to things I can't listen to.
Sometimes you even tell me stories and it's just recently that you started to tell me
a story and I said, I can't, sweetheart, I can't, I can't hear that story because then
it triggers something inside of me that would take me into a, a not a good spot, you know?
Right.
And I think when we, when we are upfront even about each other's boundaries and we understand
the person that's with us, we start becoming even more mindful of the other person's upfront
boundary.
We become very protective.
It's like, I know certain things about you again, we'll share as time goes on, but just
your military, certain things trigger, you know, it's like, okay, this is what you're
doing, this is where we're going, this is what we're going to do.
Is this going to affect my husband?
Right.
Is this going to affect my children?
You know?
And so when we start coming, there's, there's a bonus there when you're upfront with people
because it's not just you having to guard your boundaries.
It's not just you having to stand firm and this is who I am, but other people come alongside
you.
They encourage you to become everything that you're trying to be.
Right.
And it's good to have these conversations because then you have, like we said, our friend
Zangie, she's one of those people.
She's honorable.
She knows, she knows our lives.
She knows what God has done in them and she's so gentle and respectful and careful and says,
I will, I'm going to come in this far and then I'm not going to go any farther because
this is my place and this is who I am and I want to be respectful to you and what, you
know, what's going on in that moment.
And it's kind of, you know, I mean, as far as, you know, friends and such coming up alongside
and encouraging and praying, you know, it is good to know, you know, hey, here's who
I am, you know, because let's say you have, you know, there's, let's say there's something
in your life that you don't desire.
Yeah.
I mean, one thing, we are never going to have other kids biologically.
Right.
So, if somebody were to come up to us and all of a sudden pray for us to, you know,
pray for Dina to get pregnant again, that's a boundary.
It's not really, you know, I mean, it's not physically possible, but, you know, let's
say it was a choice.
We don't want somebody, especially a friend to come up and say, you know, this is going
to happen, it's like, well, that's not, that's not our calling.
That's not who we are.
Right.
You know, I mean, unless somebody is directly hearing from the throne of heaven, you know,
hey, the Holy Spirit said, this is happening to you.
Trust us, we never say never.
We never say never.
Never say never.
One of our pastors, that's his favorite thing.
Yeah.
If you want to encourage something to happen in your life, say you're never going to do
it or it's never going to happen.
Yeah, no.
We won't do that.
So, but yeah, so it is, you know, it's good to have those boundaries and to be upfront,
you know, especially with your friends and such, because they know they'll be better
equipped where to encourage and pray for your life and your future.
Because if they know this is something that's a heart's desire or they know something that,
you know, okay, well, that's not where you want to go.
So okay, let's pray through that for you.
Absolutely.
I love that.
Yeah.
I absolutely love that.
So I think that's it.
I think so.
Okay.
So if you guys want to subscribe, right, there's all sorts of platforms.
Is that what's going on?
Yep.
We would love to.
Subscribe, review.
Yeah.
Share.
We would love to hear from you guys.
We would.
But just walk away today with goals in mind, with ideas in mind, with the thought of being
upfront and being everything that God has created you to be.
Don't shy away from that.
There's people that need the authentic you.
Yes.
And have the courage and confidence to be you in every aspect of your life.
Every aspect.
Yes.
All right, guys.
All right.
Have the best day.
Bye.