Hello and welcome to episode 4 of Upfront and Undivided, our podcast.
How's it doing?
It's good.
Yeah?
You good?
I am.
It is the week after Thanksgiving.
How you feeling?
I'm feeling, I'm feeling good.
Yeah?
Still a little, kind of full.
Like you need to burp four or five more times and then you might be okay?
Yeah, pretty much.
I love that.
Yeah.
I just like the fact that we're home when we're back in our beds.
Yes.
We had an amazing time at my folks in Texas.
Yes.
And got a chance to spend some time with some family members and it was just a good time,
wasn't it?
Yeah.
But that eight hour drive, babe, booty.
Yes.
And your thighs.
Yes.
It does a number.
But we're back.
It lets you think.
What did I think?
No, it helps you think.
It does help you think.
I agree with that.
So what are we going to talk about today?
Today we're going to kind of go off of what we did last week.
Okay.
We talked about Upfront.
Right.
Now we're going to do Undivided.
I like it.
Yeah.
And that is the thing that is tattooed on our bodies.
It is tattooed on our bodies.
It is.
On our arms.
Yes.
Just on our forearms.
Yeah.
And we don't see it at any given time.
We don't mind show and tell in our world.
Nope.
I might put up a picture or something maybe on one of the social media sites that shows
what we did.
Yeah.
That was a good thing.
Yeah.
Okay.
So Undivided.
I actually, I love that you and I kind of came at this two totally different ways because
it is what we do.
And I came from kind of the, you're usually the analytical thinker of the two of us.
Is that a word?
That's a word.
Yeah.
Totally.
I would say that.
And then I'm usually like the common sense practical kind of whatever.
Yes.
I actually went into diving into some research as far as what words were and how you break
it down.
I'm like, what does Undivided look like?
Oh yeah.
We always say, you know, you're an undivided front.
You know, we, it's, it's easier to be united and to, you know, it's hard to divide people
that have a common goal and have a, their minds set, but undivided.
So here's my definition that I found not divided, which I mean, you know, um, separated or broken
into parts.
Hmm.
I like that.
Yeah.
And then it was like, so name off some words that might also mean undivided.
And it was talking about complete, whole, um, absolute, but the one word that really
stuck out to me, um, was consistent and sincere.
And I was like, we, as our family, we try to do our best to be consistent in who we
are.
That's always the case.
Um, we've had falling outs.
I mean, just recently we had kind of a big blowout in our, in our family.
Um, and we didn't feel quite as consistent in who and how we usually try to communicate,
but I know the sincerity was there.
Our hearts were there, even though our voices might've been a little bit louder than what
they usually are.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Um, there's always kind of that, you know, and there's another one that said it was focused,
attentive.
And so it was like, what is this other one?
Um, what is another word for undivided, unbroken, undistracted, uh, unadulterated.
And then, uh, it said, this is the thing that I really, really liked the most.
And then I'm going to let you say what you brought into it.
What does undivided mean in communication?
So according to the website that I'm just randomly going through, it said not parted
by conflict of opinion.
Ooh, I like that.
And you and I constantly say, our family has so many different opinions.
We have so many different ways that we think our children think different.
We think different from one another, you know what I mean?
It's like we each bring this really neat thought process to the table and it's, we don't always
agree a lot of times, which is funny.
We don't agree, but the fact is that we learn from one another.
We try to process each other's thoughts, each other's experiences, and then we digest it
and do whatever we need to.
Like the fact is that no matter what, no matter what we say, I will not leave you or forsake
you.
I will never change my mind and loving you.
I am always and forever on your side, even if I do not agree with you.
And even if we're yelling at each other in the midst of whatever, the fact is I'm never
walking away from you.
I am, I am always here.
And I will always and forever be your biggest cheerleader.
And so that is my quick word study that I got.
And for the people that know us, they know that that not only applies to the two of us
and to us and our kids, but also to the couple of young people that have shared our home.
You know, that they are part of our family, they are part of our undivided front.
And forever.
Yes.
Yeah.
You know, regardless of what happens and regardless of what paths they take.
Yeah.
You know, it's kind of like our kids, you know, no matter where they go, you know, if
they go off to college, if they move away, if they decide to make decisions, they're
still our kids.
Yeah.
You know, we're always going to be married.
We're always going to be family.
Yeah.
And I think because it's one of those where I want to take a page out of out of God's
handbook.
Yeah.
You know, he says specifically, I'll never leave you or forsake you.
Yes.
I'm constantly here with you, you know, and he the fact that he loved us even in the midst
of, you know, in the midst of when you were in the middle of your stuff in the middle
of my stuff.
He he was right there.
One of it took him by surprise.
And it's like neither heights nor depth, depth, you know, death or life, that one scripture,
I'm trying to think of it and I can't think of it, but you know, which one I'm talking
about just basically there is nothing in this world that can separate us from the love of
God.
Yeah.
And man, we're not perfect in this at all.
Trust me, we get mad at hornets sometimes, you know, and but it's one of those where
it's like I want to we're striving.
Yeah.
We're sincerely striving in our lives at this point to say, I'm undivided with you.
Yeah.
Here we are forever till death do us part.
You you're stuck with me the rest of your life.
I'm good with that.
I am too.
So I was going to kind of, you know, again, we're talking about how we're coming at this
different directions.
I mean, I kind of sort of going to talk on that.
I love that because I did.
You know, you talked about how communication is part of being undivided.
And that was actually one of the things I wrote down was being undivided.
You need to have that foundation of you need that communication.
You need to be able to have that those conversations, whether they're awkward or difficult or fun
or easy.
You need to have that that communication foundation.
Yeah.
And if you don't have that foundation by the time you get into a serious relationship or
marriage, things can get really hard.
Right.
You know, marriage can almost feel like a burden if you if you don't have that foundation.
Right.
I mean, you and I, not that we're experts at burdensome marriages, but we have experiences
of you at home, both of us have been married before.
And it didn't and it didn't go well.
And we don't we didn't neither one of us had the tools that we do now.
Yeah, we admit we were we were both very much at fault.
Oh, absolutely.
Equally.
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
So communication and then also part of being undivided is also remembering that we are
on the same team.
Right.
You know, I know we say this a lot to each other and, you know, that we stress it that
our marriage is our partnership.
You know, we're help mates.
You know, God designed this union to be together, to work things out together.
And you know, it's it's it's I don't know if I've said it before, but it's it's like
if you need to get from point A to point B, you know, you're let's say we're going on
vacation for Thanksgiving and we're traveling from here to your parents house.
Yes.
How many different ways can we get from here to the Fort Worth area of Texas?
See I wanted to laugh because I was like, I bet my dad could tell us.
I'm sure he could.
And with as much as I love that, I could tell you the plethora of ways to get there as well.
Because you guys think a lot of we really do.
Yeah.
You know, but again, it's with as many ways as to get from point A to point B. I mean,
if we wanted to, we could have a knockdown drag out fight.
Yeah, we could.
Yeah.
Over this route versus that route.
Yeah.
And you know, the thing that we need that that we remember and that we encourage others
to remember is that we're on the same team.
We're in the same current.
We're on the same journey.
Yep.
And we're in the same place.
That's it.
We're going to your mom's for Thanksgiving.
Doesn't matter how we get there.
We're starting in the same place.
We're ending up the same place.
You know, and I think I feel that that's one thing that that some people get tripped up
on.
Not just couples, but you know, I think in general, you know, friendships, business partnerships,
you know, it's one thing to, you know, if you see yourself going in a different direction,
but you know, especially if you're working on something together, you both want to succeed.
You both want to see the project, the marriage, the relationship, the family succeed and be
together.
And if you don't have that communication and that mindset of we're on the same team, things
are going to fall apart.
Yeah.
You know, I know we laugh at that one jewelry commercial for talking about sports, but I'm
going to bring in sports real quick.
Trust me on this one.
I don't do it a lot, but you know, it's kind of like if the quarterback and the receivers
were having an argument as to how best to score on this on this drive, right?
You know, the goal is for the team to get the touchdown, right?
You know, the fans want it, the coaches want it, the rest of the team wants it.
Yeah.
It doesn't matter who runs it, who passes, who catches.
Yeah.
It's the team.
Everybody wins.
Yes.
Everybody wins.
Everybody loses.
Right.
You know, and that's how we just, we strive to live our lives.
Yeah.
You know, and we try to encourage others to do the same.
That's the mindset we need to have is that we are striving for the same goal.
Yeah.
You know, we have the same thing in mind.
And then to kind of transition from that with the same team, we've had it spoken over us.
But one of the other, another key to this is you never say the word divorce.
No.
Yeah.
No.
You know, unless we're in this setting talking about never saying it.
Yeah.
That's it.
Yeah, that's not a word we throw around here.
You know, because if you leave that as an option, if you leave yourself an exit, if
you always have your, at least a toe on the other side of the line, you're always going
to find something at fault.
You're always going to find a reason to leave.
Right.
You know, I think it was, I forget which one it was, but it was one of the explorers of
the conquistadors way back in the day, what, five, 600 years ago, to encourage his men
to be faithful in their mission in the new world.
Yeah.
They burned their ships.
He burned the ships.
Yeah.
He said, you know what?
That's powerful.
We're going to do our best to not just survive, but thrive.
Right.
You know, we are here in the new world.
We're going to make a new living.
We're going to accomplish our mission.
Yeah.
We're not going to give ourselves an out.
I want to cry.
I don't, wow, that hit.
Yeah.
But I mean, it's like, I know with being a kid from divorce, right?
And seeing it, seeing that being something that is unfortunately prospered in my family,
I can count on less fingers, the marriages that have survived and that have gone a long
time than that haven't unfortunately.
And it's like, I know that that's always been kind of a driving force with you and I, because
it's like, we know what rejection feels like.
We know what abandonment feels like.
We know what, we know what it is to be the one that takes off.
And we know that one being taken off from, left behind, right?
So it's like, when we do have family conflict or when we do have certain things, you know,
like I'll look at you sometimes and just say, my greatest fear is always, and I say it out
loud to you because it's like, it's not because I'm trying to speak something over the situation.
It's just the anxiety that comes on me, the past that I'm having to beat down or ask God
one more time, if you, I need you to help me in this muscle because I suck really bad
right here.
And it's the echo effects of the past.
You know, it's the, are you going to leave me too?
Kind of thing.
Is it, you know, are our kids going to take off?
You know, all of, all of the things that come with, because either I was the dumb kid or
I was the unfaithful wife or I was the, you know, let's just put it everywhere where it
is, you know, and just standing back and saying, but God, right.
But God, you know, we're, we're daily trying to take our minds captive, those thoughts
captive, those things that the chatter of, you know, well, you know, if she's going to
leave you, you know, she's never going to accept you.
You know, she's got, and you know, and it's like in the lies of the enemy and, and in
being able to talk to our, you know, our listeners and saying, you know, it's, it's smack talk.
You know, the enemy wants to totally remind you of your past or tell you all the 14,000
what ifs to literally sabotage you or completely like just freeze you in fear.
Like you know, cause it's like, well, now I, now I'm just going to sit here and we're
going to do anything.
And you want to go, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, we have to fight.
We have to fight.
It's, and it's not a fight or flight in our family.
It's I'm fighting for you.
I'm like, again, I've burned my ship a long time ago.
I'm not leaving you.
I'm not leaving you here.
I need you to fight with me.
And we again, like you said, not fight each other, but fight against that side.
That's it.
That wants to try to destroy that our relationship, our children, our marriage, our, our friendships,
you know, everything under that umbrella.
It's it's I'm standing, I'm drawing that line in the sand and the enemy will no longer have
his way as far as how we, we process these things.
Right.
Yeah.
And I know another thing is, you know, when, when those doubts and questions do come, I
know, I know oftentimes it is good to say it out loud, you know, because we know, and
we've been taught that once you expose something to the light, once you, once you bring it
bring those lies of the enemy out into the public, into air, they're exposed for the
empty hollowness that they are.
You know, if, you know, we can speak negativity of death over ourselves as much as we want,
but it's like, as soon as we voice that out loud in a real, especially godly situation,
you know, that, that knowledge of, of who he is in our lives and who he's, he's called
us to be and who we are that, that starts to eliminate all doubt.
Yeah.
You know, and especially if you're, if you're with somebody that, that walks this out with
you, they can, they can reassure you and they can help guide you because you've built this,
this foundation of communication and trust and knowing that you have each other's backs
right no matter what.
Right.
You know, you know, I was, I was, I was reading in Genesis about, you know, thinking about
this and all, and it was talking about how, when, when God took the rib from Adam and
formed the woman, formed Eve, and it said, this is why a man leaves his father and his
mother and clings to his wife and they become one flesh.
Yeah.
You know, it's, it's that, it's that oneness, you know, that oneness that God has designed,
that we strive for, you know, through our communication, through our standing together,
our fighting alongside each other, you know, that we do, we, we become, you know, it's,
it's kind of funny, you know, people joke about, you know, oh, it's those, those older
married couples or those experienced married couples that, you know, they can just like
glance at each other and they have like a full conversation.
It's so cool.
You know, and it is, it's, it's, it's, it's when you have that, that connection and you've
had these conversations and you've had the long nights and, and just those, those, the
spiritual times, those fun times, those, those crying times, you know, the, the struggles
and the laughter and the dances and the scrapes, you know, all of that goes together to knit
you all the more closely together.
Yeah.
Cause I mean, you being in the military, you, you were never in combat per se, right?
But you, you, you worked alongside and you, and we have, I say we, I mean, I have family
members and we have friends that have actually been in combat and there's something to, you're
fighting a long side with somebody for a common goal, a car, a common good. And it like, it
works a muscle. It, it creates a bond. It's like, Oh, you're willing to go to hell and
back with me, not just live in the heavenly, you know, sweet places, but like literally
just like you're not going anywhere.
We we've seen some stuff, you know, and there's something to that, you know, it's like things
that we're trying to teach our children, you know, listen, if it starts getting hard, don't,
don't back away when it gets hard, let's, let's learn how to push through. Let's, you
know, um, I remember very early on in our marriage where, when we're still trying to
teach this and learn this with Gabri, it's like, if I'm starting to yell, please know,
it's not that I'm doing my best not to yell at you. I'm yelling at that thing that's trying
to attack you or trying to oppress you or trying to push you around. And then it's like,
and now I'm having to yell at myself because I'm having to do the same thing because it's
like, you can see where the enemy wants to get on us and then create that divide. And
it's like, when you have somebody that loves you enough to say, for tooth and nail, let's
go, we're getting, we're going to push through this and we're going to be better. You know,
there's something, there's something to that. The gravity of that relationship becomes even
weightier. It becomes even more precious. Yes. So I mean, do you have anything else
you want to add? I don't, I don't think so. I mean, it, you guys kind of got to hear a
lot of, um, just as working through things and how we have worked through things and,
um, you know, the, the point of this whole thing is don't give up. Don't stop. Don't
stop moving. Don't stop fighting. Don't give up hope. Don't give up hope. Don't, don't,
don't stop believing the best in people, things that are good and just, and that are lovely,
you know, don't, don't look through life. So jaded, you know, we're praying for peace
and for hope and everything that you see today and from this day forward and that the, that
the lies and doubt do get exposed because they are their lies and they're there to trip
us. They're there to trip us up. That's right. You know, again, the enemy doesn't necessarily
come to kill, steal and destroy. He comes to make us question our loyalty to God and
to each other. Come on, babe. So come on. That's what we got to focus on. All right
guys. See you next week. Yep. Again, we're out there. We're on social media. Yeah. Please
listen, subscribe, leave a, leave a comment or review. Yeah. Um, you can reach us anytime
you want. Have a good time. See you next week.