Hello and welcome to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hello.
Hi babe.
You're jamming to the music in your head.
I was jamming to the music in my head.
Yes you are.
Yep, because I like trying to guess when you're coming in and I've pretty much nailed it at
this point.
You have.
I mean, I can't do what you do.
I probably could.
You could.
But you do it so well.
Thanks.
So why are we trying to reinvent the wheel?
There's that.
I mean, I'm just saying.
I mean, lots of people try.
Yeah, I know.
I think you and I got it going on.
You're good.
And you know, because you're jamming to the music is one day we are going to upgrade to
a camera and we are going to do video for all of these.
I mean, we're not going to go back of course, but you know, between you jamming and the
hand signals.
Bless all the listeners.
You guys know what I'm talking about, right?
Like, okay, so I'm holding up blah, blah, blah.
And just yeah.
And Heather bless her.
I'm like, she's like, yeah, your face.
And I'm going, yeah, this is where people need to see my face.
Because I'm, I am.
I don't have a, just like our daughter, I do not have a poker face.
No, y'all don't.
We are very expressive.
Yes.
And that's good.
It's helpful.
It's very beneficial.
Except like when you're going just what there's days where I'm like, Gabri, watch your face.
And she's like, Oh, because your voice says something, but your face says something completely
different.
Right.
What are we talking about today, babe?
So today our topic, a touch of intimacy.
Hmm.
I like it.
So I'm thinking, I mean, I know we've talked about, you know, Oh, should we talk about
the topic of sex and, you know, and there's more to it than that.
You know, it's, there's intimacy and it's, you know, it's, it's, yes, it's physical.
Yes.
It's emotional.
It's spiritual, you know, and, and there's more to there.
There's just, there's a lot to it.
Yes.
There's more than what I think people think.
Yeah.
You know, and, and, and this isn't just for married people.
It's not just for, for dating or engaged.
It's for singles.
It's for everybody.
Whether you've been in this game for, you know, whether you're a teenager, twenties,
fifties, seventies.
Yeah.
I mean, this kind of stuff applies to everybody.
Absolutely.
So, so I mean, that's kind of what I want to go on.
And I know we've talked about individually and in the past with this podcast, you know,
the topic of soul ties.
Right.
I'm going to, I'm going to dump, jump right into it.
You know, let's, let's, let's hit it.
Yeah.
You know, because I know the concept of soul ties is new to me relatively, you know, because
I, I didn't hear about it until you and I were recording.
Right.
And, and it was your godparents, Charlie and Karen.
Yeah.
They kind of told me about it.
You know, I don't know how long you had known about it, but I actually, I'm incredibly grateful
for my mom.
Okay.
And my mom raised me very much in a spiritual atmosphere, learning how to be naturally supernatural,
learning how to listen to that still small voice inside.
And sometimes when we say, listen, we think we're hearing something audibly and it's be
led by your peace.
You know, if you have a peace inside of you that says, Oh, this is a good idea.
We've all had it.
Are those moments where you get like a really yucky thing in the pit of your stomach and
you go, Ooh, bad idea.
Probably not wanting to do that.
And I know that that's how I've taught Gabriel over the years too.
It's like, listen, make some wise decisions.
Know that the Holy Spirit will lead you and guide you and just take time to listen.
And so my mom taught me a long time ago, as far as like, um, just soul ties, just spiritual
warfare.
She taught me the whole nine, all of it.
Um, and so I want to say probably in my teens, even though I was taught it, I never, I didn't
always apply it obviously, because again, we know my history, we know my background.
I haven't done things completely right all the time.
I've gone completely against what the Holy Spirit has told me and I've known it.
You know, I was just flat rebellious.
God, I don't want to do it that way.
I'm going to do it my way.
And then watch me go.
And it just, yeah, it was bad.
It was just bad.
And so, um, so I think, uh, when she taught me how, as far as soul ties, she also taught
me soul ties.
A lot of times people think, oh, it's an intimate sex situation, right?
It's the physical realm.
You can absolutely have a soul tie with somebody just emotionally, mentally, you know, like
you hear people say, I didn't have a physical affair.
Yeah, but you had an emotional one.
Right.
And in the word of God, it actually says, if you've done it in your heart, you've done
it.
And a lot of times they say that pertains to murder.
In my mind, I'm like, I think that that's actually what the scripture is talking about.
They're talking about murder in that moment.
But in my mind, I'm like, okay, but if you, if you have lusted with your eyes, if you've
done all these things and it's not in the flesh, you've done it, it's done, it's, it's
done in your heart.
So it shows how incredibly important it is for us as people, as us as Christians to guard
our hearts with all diligence.
It's in Proverbs.
It says, because out of the issues of life, things will come out, right?
What you say, whatever is deep inside of you, it's going to come out.
Oh yeah.
And so you've got to be very guarded about who you give your heart to or you share your
most intimate secrets with.
Right.
Yeah, I agree.
And I know kind of part of that, that, that they had told me when we were recording was
a lot of times if you don't, if you don't do this the right way, if you don't do this
the God way, led by the Holy Spirit, then it's possible that when you do have your first
intimate encounter, especially, especially a sexual encounter, you can, your, your, at
times your maturity can kind of stop there.
Yep, your emotional IQ at that point stops right there.
Yep.
And, and I got to be honest, when I heard that, it, it had said a lot because I thought
back to my life and I thought back to others that me knowing their past, it's like, oh,
so maybe that's why you still act like you're that age.
Right.
You know, and, and so it did, it was just a whole lot of light bulb moments of, you
know, again, these really cool things about how God operates and how God has designed
us and how he said, if you do as I say, you know, if you follow my word, if you follow
my commandments, you will be blessed and you will be, you know, have an abundant life.
And, and so it was like, okay, cool, you know, and, and then they didn't leave me just with
that knowledge.
They're like, here's how, here's how you can fix it, you know, through prayer and just
seeking God's face.
You can reverse that and you can get back on the track.
Yes.
You know, because I, I know that you would not want to be married to somebody that had
the mentality of an 18 year old boy.
That's right.
So my first encounter, um, I did not lose my virginity because again, people think that
that's the big, the big thing.
You're, you're losing your virginity.
No, no.
My first sexual encounter, I was 15.
You do, you get stuck right there.
And so it's like for our listeners, the best example we can say, it's like, think of, think
of a teenager, think of how they respond.
You're like, well, you're not really mature in this.
You're not handling this very well.
You know, why, why are you walking in jealousy?
Why are you walking in possessiveness?
These are things that you're not secure in who you are.
Um, as a person, you're not secure, obviously in who you are as far as God, because again,
your mind is only at a certain spot.
It's only, it's only matured to a certain level.
And yeah, when, when you finally say I cut off every soul tie that I had back then, um,
whether, whether even if it's something that you willingly did, or maybe even something
that was done to you because, um, I was touched, um, at a very young age, like back when I
was 11.
So it even goes back farther for me, you know, as far as different things.
And um, it's, it's, you call those things back to in the spirit realm, you say everything
that has been taken away from me, father, I'm asking that you call it back, that you,
you make me whole again.
And everything that I took from somebody, I'm sending it back.
I give that back to them.
So that way they can walk whole, you know, I, I don't want to go, Oh, that was my first
pressure, you know, and then have all of these feelings and these emotions come up.
It's, Oh, that was somebody that I used to love.
We've moved on.
It hits different.
Um, the sting goes away that pull towards that person.
Um, they don't have that over you anymore.
So it's like, if you think of, as I'm saying these things, if, if our listeners think of
these things and they're like, Oh, I seem to be drawn to this one particular person
and it ended very badly or they treated me like crap, you know, or whatever it is, you
know, what in the world is going on?
There's a very good chance that there's a soul tie there and it could be your best friend.
It could be, again, it doesn't have to be a romantic situation.
It could be, I have so much history with this person and, and I would fight tooth and nail
for them.
There are moments where you say, yep, absolutely, but by golly, if they're pulling down into
a very, very dark pit, you don't need to be going with them.
And if, if they're pulling you into that, then there's something you have to, you need
to check yourself.
You need to check yourself and say, is this healthy?
It is not healthy.
The soul tie between you and I is healthy.
The soul tie between our children and ourselves is healthy.
You know, it's, it, but it's again, it's figure out, line it up with the word of God, you
know, how did this even start?
You know, how did this even happen?
And where is, is this something that's elevating you or is this something that's keeping you
held down?
Yeah.
And I, and I know kind of along the lines of soul ties, um, another way that, that some
people have described them or, or kind of alongside soul ties is, uh, talking about
fingerprints.
Uh, yes.
You know, and, and you do, you know, I mean, everybody, not everybody, most everybody's
got, um, a smartphone these days or own some type of a mirror or some type of a window.
And if you think about it, you know, when, when we're born, we're that brand new glass
and, and I mean, how obvious is it?
When you see those fingerprints on that, on that fresh glass, you know, and it's like
the fingerprints of our window.
Yes.
Where our little boy sits in my car.
Yes.
In your car.
It's disgusting.
But there he is.
He's seven.
And he's seven.
He's seven.
And I love him.
He wants to draw on the finger, wants to draw on the window.
He's fascinated.
Yes.
And it is, you know, and, and, and it's, but it is, it's, you know, how many people have,
have put their fingerprints on our phone or how many fingerprints have, have we put on
somebody else's phone?
Yeah.
You know, and, and that's kind of, you know, and, and that's kind of what, what we want
to do.
You know, you know, yes, when, when you're, when you're aligned with the word of God and
you're in a good, healthy relationship, you know, it's, it would be like if I shared my
phone with you.
Yeah.
You know, I don't mind.
You, you know, my passwords, you know, my stuff, you know, how to get into my phone
and I don't mind.
Yeah.
But yet, you know, Timmy down the street or, or Jill down the street, I don't want her
fingerprints on, I don't want her to look through my phone.
Yeah.
You know, so.
Because of the sensitive subjects, the nature.
Yeah.
Or just the fact that it's personal.
That's my phone.
That's you.
That's my phone.
I don't need you to, yeah.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
So that's, you know, like, like I said, just kind of another way to look at it and think
about it.
I love that.
What else?
Well, to go kind of the next thing I was going to talk about with intimacy at all is I read
an article the other day.
Okay.
Because I like to read.
I love, I love statistics and I love reading.
You're our research guy.
I love research.
You really do.
Yeah.
You have the biggest, most beautiful brain, babe.
Aw, thanks.
But I read, they did a study.
They looked at women in their early to mid-20s.
Okay.
And then also in their early 30s.
Yeah.
And looking at how long they stayed married with regards to when they got married and
if they cohabitated with either with their spouse or with somebody else before getting
married.
Wow.
Okay.
And because they, you know, a lot of people are like, oh, don't get married in your early
20s.
You know, it's a sure road to divorce or it'll end up horrible because you're too young.
And they actually found out.
And yes, this study only looked at women, didn't look at guys.
Yeah.
But even early 20s, a woman in their early 20s, if they did not cohabitate, live with
their spouse before marriage, they had a greater chance of successful long-term marriage.
Wow.
Yeah.
I love that.
And even mid to late 20s, women, if they did cohabitate, like their chance of divorce shot
up.
Really?
Yeah, it was a statistical difference.
And like that, the difference didn't really flatten out for women until they reached their
early 30s.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
So it almost like took women until their early 30s to kind of, I don't know, they didn't
really, they couldn't really explain what it was in their brains, but yeah, it was something,
you know, but yeah, something about getting married early.
Yeah.
It can last and will last if you do it God's way.
I love that.
I think a lot of it is just, it's, it's the covenant aspect.
You know, we have a covenant God.
Yeah.
That's, that's how he, that's how he works, right?
He doesn't like solo.
He doesn't want you to go out and do things by yourself.
Um, he, he wants very much to be part of whatever's going on in your life.
Oh yeah.
And it's like, I think when we take on that character of who he is and who he's created
us to be, to also be people of covenant, um, then we're already working in our nature.
We're already working in the nature of God, which we know is blessed.
Um, you know, Adam and Eve, God gives Adam Eve, you know, it's like, Hey, and we're going
to make a covenant here.
And this is, you know, this is who you are and this is who you're going to be to her.
And this is who you're going to be to him.
And this is what you're going to do.
And it's like, when we, when we know, cause I gotta be honest, I'm, I've lived with people
before, right?
You and I both have lived with people before outside of marriage.
And there's, it's easier to say, if this doesn't work out, oh yeah, peace out.
We don't have any tie.
We don't have any paper binding us.
We don't have anything going on.
This is, you know, we're going to just trial run, see how this goes.
Cause and then that, and then nine out of 10 times you see, Oh, well it didn't work
out.
So peace out.
We're done.
Where otherwise it's like something about that, not even a legal document, but just,
I mean that too, but something about saying, I, I'm saying a vow to you.
I'm literally before God and whoever else might be around us in that moment, I'm saying
a vow to you.
And I think our spirit man says, yep.
And you're going to stick to it.
It's going to be for better or for worse.
You're saying these words and it's like, do you mean them?
Cause if you mean them, you have a tendency to just stick things out a little bit.
He's a little bit more, you know, as opposed to just like throwing in the towel, you know?
And that was one of the main reasons why we did what we did the way that we did it.
Cause it was like when we did our courtship, we wrote our contract.
We will not have sex before marriage.
We won't even put ourselves in those positions.
Like physically even just when I'm going to lay down to watch TV together, it's we're
going to be upright, blameless as much as we can because we, we made a covenant to God
and then we, and we're making a covenant to Gabri and we're making a covenant to each
other.
Yeah.
Because when you're just roommates, there's nothing to fight for.
There's nothing to fight for.
No, uh-uh.
You know?
Yeah.
So yeah, it is.
And I remember when we were courting and we went to a wedding for one of your coworkers,
you know, and they were, they were living together and stuff.
And I kind of looked at you and knowing the path that we were on and all, I looked at
you after the wedding and I said, what is there to look forward to?
Yeah.
You know, they're, they're already doing everything.
They're living together.
They're, you know, it's not like, oh, we now get to share, you know, we get to now share
a house or we now get to share a bed or we now get to, you know, there was, there was,
there were no surprises.
Yeah.
You know, and unfortunately they, they did, they did get divorced.
They did get divorced.
Yeah.
Unfortunately.
Yeah.
And so that was with us, our funny moment that we laugh about, um, because God had so
restored mine and your relationship and just us individually.
Yeah.
When we came back from our honeymoon and we're gone after our honeymoon, people after our
honeymoon, after our wedding, after our honeymoon, after, um, was it 16 months?
Was it 16 months that we courted?
Uh, 15, 16, 15, 16 months.
Okay.
So no kissing.
No hugging each other.
He was always so sweet.
He, you kiss me on the forehead.
That would be it.
You know, um, we were gone on our honeymoon for three days, three days, sharing a hotel.
I'm saying this three days, sharing a hotel, three days, doing things, married things.
Right.
And I were turning the corner to get back to the house and I turned and I'm incredibly
giddy and excited.
And I said, Oh my gosh, baby, you don't have to go home tonight.
And you're like, no, cause we're married.
But it was like, because it just, because we had done things so wrong in the past.
Yeah.
And even though we had been walking this almost two years of, of what God was doing in front
of us, still in that moment, it was like my, my, everything in me was so excited.
My spirit was so excited to say, I get to live with you the rest of my life.
You don't ever have to leave me.
And I think that it became a reality.
It became a, it became one of those, I'm tearing up right now.
And I, you know, one of those moments of God, you've been so good.
You've been so good and you've restored us in such a place that, that we literally get
to do this the rest of our lives.
You know, I get to walk with my best friend the rest of my life.
And I think that that's what we cry out for, for our friends, for family members, for people
in our lives.
Now that, that those fingerprints come off of you, that those soul ties get cut, that
you get to be restored in a place to where God can supernaturally restore your mind.
That when, when you have dreams or thoughts or even just flashbacks that, that you don't
see other people's faces anymore, that God starts restoring you fully.
Not, cause not even just mentally and emotionally, spiritually, but physically too.
Because again, we're, I mean, we're talking about intimacy.
The first time we were together, it genuinely felt like the first time, you know, it, and,
and that was such a beautiful God given gift, you know, that he can restore you in that
place to where you can completely become whole again.
Yeah.
And, you know, I, I want to say, you know, along that is it is, it's, it's never too
late.
Never too late.
You're, you're never too far gone.
You've never, you haven't done too much bad stuff for God to wipe it clean.
That's right.
And regardless of what you've done, regardless of how long you've been, even regardless of
how long you've been married, you know, you can, you can always reset and recommit and
say, you know what, there's some stuff in my past.
Or I know, you know, I heard a couple recently, they were celebrating, you know, like, like
their 40th wedding anniversary or something.
And they're like, Oh, we don't count the first 15 years.
Cause we weren't godly back then.
I mean, you know, it was, you know, it's, it's never too late to go back and say, you
know what, I'm recommitting to you.
I know, I know we didn't always, but we can, we can push forward, you know, cause, cause
it is, it's, I know we say it a lot, but you know, God really can make old things new.
Yes, he can.
You know, he can make everything new.
And we can, we can hit the reset button without having to scrap everything in our lives.
That's right.
And so I do.
I, yeah, I love that because it's like, you mentioned Charlie and Karen, right?
Okay.
So they've been in my life since I was 15.
Yeah.
Right.
And I'm incredibly grateful that I've gotten a chance to walk with them through a lot of
things.
They are my spiritual godparents and now yours and our children.
And it's like, we finally got a chance to, one of the most beautiful things, if we ever
go out to eat with them and we do things with them, what do they always say to the, the
white stuff?
Yeah.
Um, you know, cause a lot of times, you know, Oh, it's like, does anything, you know, special
bring you out or something or something like that.
And Charlie will always look to the server and say, me and my wife, we're still on our
honeymoon.
Yeah.
We're celebrating our honeymoon.
Yeah.
And they are, if we say the number wrong, sorry guys.
Um, I want to say well, and I think they're in their 50, 50 years, 50 plus years of being
married cause Karen just celebrated a birthday.
I'm not going to tell how old you are, Karen.
She's young, but, um, I want to say they're well into their fifties of 50 years of marriage
and they've decided that every day they're going to wake up and, and we're going to,
we're going to live this life.
We're going to live this life in a way where I'm constantly going to court you.
Yeah.
I'm constantly going to, you know, they, people say all the time, don't, don't stop dating
your spouse just because you guys are married.
Don't stop finding intimate ways you can, can be with each other, you know, cause physically
sometimes you may not be able to be with each other.
There's times where you and I have been apart due to work.
There's been times we've been apart for a long period of time due to injury, you know,
bodies aren't working the way that they need to.
And as your body gets older, there are times too where stuff doesn't quite kick the way
that it needs to.
We're dealing with stuff with my body right now and you just find different ways to say,
I love you and I want to be with you.
Whether that's mentally, emotionally right now, just sitting here in this room doing
the podcast, this is a way that we get to love each other in a new, in a new place,
you know?
And so like you said, whether you're married, whether you're single, if you're single, learn
how to love God in a new place and let him learn, let him love you in a new place.
Let him pull off the fingerprints.
Let him start building the expectations of what he wants for your life.
Not what the world says is sexy because it's not.
You know, what he says is beautiful.
And when we focus on what he says is beautiful, that's when we start to see relationships
bloom in a new intimate, beautiful, I keep saying the same thing over and over again,
but it just, we get to, we get to live the fullness, the fullness of what God intended.
He came down and he walked in the cool of the evening with Adam and Eve.
He communicated with them.
These kind of, these are all intimate things.
Learning God, learning his, learning what makes his heart happy, learning what pisses
him off, you know?
It's like, those are things that are important.
And so take the time, take the time this week, every day just father, how can I love you
better?
How can I love my children better?
How can I love my spouse, my friends?
How can I be a better whatever?
How can I, how can I be prepared to be that?
How can I prepare myself to be that for whoever it is that you're calling forth into my life?
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
I love it babe.
Yeah.
So I think we're going to end there folks.
Yeah.
Again, have a blessed week.
We love and appreciate all of our listeners.
Yeah.
And like, share, review.
You can find us on social media.
We you know, it is, it's amazing.
You can, I am overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed is a good word.
With the blessings of just knowing that people are listening to us.
Yeah.
I almost feel like Sally feels that they.
You like me.
You really do like me.
Yeah.
So just know that we're praying a blessing over you guys.
Yeah.
And that those fingerprints go.
Yes.
Fingerprints go and that you guys get restored today.
Amen.
All right.
Have the best week guys.
Thanks for coming back.