Hello and welcome to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Yup, I know, it's fun.
I like you.
It's fun to watch.
It's fun to watch your face.
Yeah.
Uh huh.
And not laugh as...
Yeah.
Yeah, I watch you reacting to me.
Yes!
Baby, you know I'm not laughing at you.
I'm laughing next year.
Yes.
And I love it.
It makes...
It brings me joy.
Yes.
Watching you in your element.
Because this is something you really do like doing.
I do.
You really do.
I do.
Because again, so for some of the people that...
Hey guys!
By the way, hi y'all.
We're talking to each other.
Hey guys.
That you were a theater major.
I was.
I was for...
You did Disney and you wanted to be like a makeup artist.
Yup.
And like even the special effects stuff.
We looked into it at once upon a time at the very beginning of our marriage.
Remember?
You were gonna go to Canada.
Oh yeah.
Actually that was before we were married.
Was it?
I was like...
I was...
I had done a whole lot of research.
I love that.
I had it all planned out.
I love that.
Um, cause I want to say it was a 9 to 12 month program.
Oh wow.
Up in Toronto.
Right?
Yeah.
And we were trying to figure out how to get you there.
Yeah.
Cause you were like...
I was like...
Yeah.
Let's do this.
You go follow that dream.
Yeah.
And at one point in time, before we met, I was actually...
Well at the beginning of when we first met, I was actually going to school to be a teacher.
I was gonna be a high school English and drama teacher.
I can see that.
Yeah.
Which is funny because that's who I was today, right?
Every now and then I still can't admit.
I was substitute teacher at the high school.
Yeah.
And I was in the drama department.
Yeah.
No drama though today.
That's good.
I was about as chill as it got.
That's good.
Yeah.
Even my students said, you're chill.
We like you.
I really like this.
I like her.
She's a cool sub.
And I'm like, oh thanks.
Just cause I...
There's nothing to do.
Yeah.
Anyway, go ahead.
Yeah.
No.
I mean even, even Gabriel and I this morning on the way to school, we talked about how,
you know, every now and then I'm like, I think it was a good choice for me not to go into
teaching but...
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know if there were any moments where would I, you know, those questions of what
I have done well.
I personally think you would have.
Yeah.
I do.
I know that sometimes you don't like the people.
Yes.
But I know when you are talking to our daughter, when you're talking to her teenage friends,
I see where they pull something out of you and something starts kind of coming to life.
And you just, you desire for them to teach.
You teach.
That's what you do.
And you want people to walk away with a greater knowledge after they've been with you on something.
And you're really good about not making people feel stupid.
You know, it's like you're really good about like there's not a dumb question.
You know.
There's not.
That's why we call you the Google.
You're our family Google.
So happy anniversary.
Happy anniversary.
I'm excited.
Yes.
Tomorrow.
Yes.
And so yes, we're a little behind this week.
Yes.
But to recap, our house has been sick for a week.
Week before last.
This past week I had the backyard decided to attack me with poison ivy, chiggers and
mites.
Yes.
And I have been slowly getting better.
I'm on steroids now.
I gotta be honest.
You're getting stronger.
I am getting stronger.
Like yesterday we were in the grocery store with me and Gabriel and I'm looking at her
going, I don't feel right.
I don't feel right.
I need you to, I need you.
I'm looking at her and it feels like my eyes are dilating or doing that little shifting,
you know, and I'm like, I don't feel okay.
This is, I do not, drugs and me did not, we don't gel well.
But these steroids seem to be doing really well.
And you personally have said the rashes on my arms and stuff.
So they're finally going away just hopefully, completely.
Just in time.
If not, it is what it is.
Yes.
For completely almost before we run away for a couple of days.
Yes.
And we say we're doing a staycation, but we're not staying at home.
We're going to stay.
We're just staying in town.
We're going to stay in town.
Yeah.
We're going to go to the AirBnB and a couple of days and then we're going to go run around
like tourists.
Yes.
And newlyweds.
Yes.
And just have a good time.
It's always fun.
Because it is always fun.
I like adventures with you.
It is, yeah.
So that.
Brings up what we want to talk about today.
Yes.
And you came up with the topic.
I did.
Yes.
I did.
So when you went to go get Sebastian, because we had a whole bunch of different thoughts
that we were wanting to think through and wanting to talk, because that's what we do.
And I was like, just sat in my chair, because that's what I do.
And I was like, what are we going to talk about?
I mean genuinely, God, what do we want to talk about?
I don't believe that this was like, maybe it was Holy Spirit inspired or what it was.
I just was like, wait, our anniversary is tomorrow.
Yeah.
What have I learned in 10 years of marriage?
Yeah.
10 years, I want to.
10 years of marriage.
Do you remember when we high fived at three?
Yes.
And we were like, we made it babe.
We made it.
And for those of y'all that don't know, neither one of us made it to our three.
So it was like, we couldn't get past two.
And it was right?
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
Or we got like, I don't know, it was more than two, less than three.
Yes.
So we didn't make it to three.
Yeah.
And it was like, we made it to three.
We're like, woo.
Or it was like, we had made it just past three or something like that.
But yeah, regardless.
Regardless.
Yeah.
So I started writing a list while I was waiting on you and Sebastian to get home.
And it was, these might be silly.
These might be, oh, well, I know that already, Dina.
You know?
But it could be deep and profound.
So I apparently put this in a really weird format.
So I'm going to have to pull it up.
It's going to take a second for me to pull each one up.
Yeah.
So the first one that I wrote was just laugh.
Yes.
Never stop smiling and seeing the best in the one you said I do too.
I like that.
Yeah.
I like that.
Because again, it makes me think of one of my favorite quotes and I forget where exactly
it came from.
You know, but it's the whole, don't take life too seriously.
You'll never get out alive.
Yeah.
Wow.
That is true of the Mormon all at the same time.
I love that.
All right.
My second.
Yeah.
When it says, which is funny because we did our own vows.
We did.
So for the traditional vows, right?
When it says for better or for worse, richer or poorer till death do us part, those aren't
options, they're choices to commit over and over again.
Yeah.
It's not like, oh, it's going to be better or worse.
No, honey, you're going to get both.
These aren't options.
It's not like A or B. It's going to happen what you do with it.
Right.
The commitment that you choose to walk in through it is what's going to keep you and
sustain you and make you stronger.
Yeah.
And it's kind of one of those, you can't control how other people act or you can't control
some of the situations that happen around you, but you can control how you respond.
That's right.
Bottom line.
Next one.
Don't make a major on the minor.
We say that a lot in our house.
Yes.
If something minor seems major, take time to dig with one another, the root, and then
eventually the symptoms will take care of themselves.
Yeah.
So it's like we've come in those moments where, like even with our children, but we're
talking about marriage right now.
When you and I have said, whoa, why did that hit me weird?
That wasn't a big deal.
And then instead of like just maybe blowing it off or majoring on a minor and saying,
well, that really wasn't a big deal.
Why was that a big deal to you?
And every time you and I have taken that time to say, let me process this real quick.
Yeah.
Let me take a moment.
What was that?
And ultimately it was the symptom that we saw blow up, but there was a root cause that
created that action.
You know, it's like some sort of trauma, some sort of abuse, some sort of, you know, this
is a generational thing or, or whatever it is.
It's like, you know, we, we look at those in the scripture.
It talks about the foxes that nip at the vine, you know, or you, you know, the, the, the
Naps, you know, we're swallowing Naps and getting caught up in the Naps or no, what
is it?
What is it?
You're something with a nap that you swallow a camel.
I don't remember all of a sudden it's like you're, you're basically, you're majoring
on the minus.
Yeah.
Straining on a Natter.
That's it.
Yeah.
And it's like, what are you, what are you joking on right now?
Because this is, this is literally taking life from you.
Or again, it's kind of like, you know, the similar to that, it's the, the, why are you
bothering about the speck in your brother's eye when you have a plank in your own?
Yeah.
You know, again, you're, you're, you're focused on these tiny things that don't matter, but
yet there's this major thing that you're just ignoring.
Yeah.
And we always talk about like the small, the housekeeping.
If we do the housekeeping, you know, on even the, the smaller things, if we feel like,
okay, we're, we're kind of slacking off a little bit.
So we need to, you know, tighten up ship just a smidge.
It's a lot easier for us to do it in the times where we're like, we're being, becoming more
aware as opposed to all of a sudden all hell is breaking loose and houses on fire and things
are collapsing.
Right.
You know, it's, it's a, you can recover.
Yeah.
But it is a lot easier to recover when you're just doing home repair as opposed to having
to completely reconstruct.
Yeah.
And, and kind of along that line, you know, in, in a way to look at it in another, in
a different direction about the whole, you know, focusing, not nearly focusing on something
small, but realizing that something small can make a difference.
Yeah.
You know, I've heard it, you know, kind of, kind of tongue in cheek as a joke because
time travel is not real, but yet there are some people that are like, you know, for those
people that, that want time travel, there's a big concern that, Oh my gosh, if I went
back in time, just some small little change completely affect the whole world.
Yes.
But yet then when people look at their lives nowadays, they say, Oh, this little change
isn't going to mean anything.
Whoa.
I have to do something big, you know?
So again, it really can be that small step.
It can be that small change can create a big thing.
You know, again, here around the house, if I just randomly tossed my dirty socks wherever,
and all of a sudden it builds up and it upsets you and you one day blow up at me versus me
just being like, Oh, I'm just going to take the extra half a second to throw my dirty
socks in the hamper.
Yes.
No big deal.
Right.
And then, you know, I'm going to take the, an extra five minutes and empty the dishwasher
because I see that you're having a bad day.
Again, it's these little things, seemingly tiny minuscule things.
Yeah.
I'm a husband.
That's what I'm supposed to do.
I'm a parent.
That's what I'm supposed to do.
I'm a wife, you know, but it is, it really is the small things that can make a difference.
You know, yes, it's, it's not focusing on these small things like, Oh my gosh, why,
what is, what is going on?
But again, just instead of focusing, just make that small step.
Just tweak it.
Yeah.
Yep.
Just take the extra and it takes discipline.
Yeah.
You know, and it's just those small habits like that create the big monumental change.
You already said that.
That's good.
Okay.
Here's one of our favorites.
Yes.
Remember you're on the same team.
Yes.
You're not competing for first place because guess who has that spot?
God.
It's your place to serve with love and gratitude.
The other person.
Yeah.
Say yes.
Yes.
Because a lot of times we see in marriages and our marriage periodically too.
And again, this is why we vocalize things and you're always so incredibly wonderful.
In marriages you see at times children come into play.
Okay.
And somebody feels like, well, now I have to stop living my dream and I have to change
or I have to, I have to be home with the kids or I have those certain things.
Right.
And are you, you know, like we were talking about earlier, babe, by all means go to Canada,
go learn how to do this.
Cause a fun story.
Was it before we got married?
Yeah, it was before we got married.
You decided you were going to do my makeup one day before church.
Yep.
And.
Got you way out of your comfort zone.
Way out of my comfort zone because anybody that sees me and anybody that knows me, I,
I like that you can see me and then my makeup.
Very natural makeup.
Not so much my makeup and then me.
Right.
And everybody that knows what I just said, knows what I just said.
So you are the one that's actually put color on my lips and any kind of color on my eye
shadow.
Right.
So I give you full permission to do my makeup.
We go to church.
You take Gabriel and I to church.
Yep.
And I don't know how many people, Oh my gosh, Dina, your makeup looks amazing.
To this day, I've never had anybody compliment me on my, not even my wedding day.
Mind you, 10 years ago, tomorrow.
You know what I'm saying?
It's just like, but, but you, you have taught me and I think you're the one that actually
told me this.
You said one of the reasons why makeup artists, as far as men, makeup artists that are so
good is because they find the beauty and then they just accentuate the beauty as opposed
to covering the flaws.
Right.
Yeah.
Babe, I'm just going to stop for a second because that hit and say a lot to everybody
else, but that in 10 years of marriage, if you're trying to cover the flaws as opposed
to focusing on the beauty, cause I told Gabriel today, she's not, you know, she's had her
surgery.
She's starting to feel better.
Her body is starting to shift and change and she's feeling healthier.
Right.
And I said, wow, I've actually this opposite cause I feel like my body is actually, I've
gained weight and I'm not feeling real good and things like that.
Right.
And then she kind of looked at me and I said, but you know what?
I'm not going to say that to myself.
I'm sorry.
And this is at school today cause she came and sat with me for a second.
And I said, I'm not going to tear myself apart.
I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago.
There's a very, very good chance I cannot fit in that wedding dress again.
And that's okay.
And that is okay because I've birthed two incredibly beautiful babies.
You know, our beautiful boy, I was telling Gabriel, she's mom, you know, cause we're
again, we're talking a little bit about a body image, but again, trying to talk about
it in a way that's healthy.
And I said, cause I told her, I said, yeah, I'm going to get, I got some new pants come
in and then I've got some shorts that are, they're the mom shorts.
So they're going to come up a little bit.
And she was, they're going to come up that high.
Cause again, if we had video, I could show you, it's like up to like my chest that I'm
almost a waste.
Yeah.
Almost your true waste.
Right.
And she kind of looks at me and I said, well enough to cover where your brother completely
stretched me out.
And she goes, uh, and she was so kind of like with your, with your pants, you're going to
get like a tummy tuck.
And I said, man, you know, if you give me the chance, she goes, mom, you do a tummy
tuck?
Blew our mind.
And I said, well, I mean, if someone gave me the opportunity, I would not turn it down.
I'm not going to go out on my way for it.
But if we even joked with the doctor with the C-section and said, if you could do a
little extra.
And he did, they did.
He did.
He did some of the stuff out and put it together, but because the elasticity is broken a little
bit around certain spots in my body, it just doesn't go back.
And you don't ever make me feel bad.
Cause she said, would you do that?
And I said, no, I don't think so.
Again, I joke.
I mean, sincerely, seriously, babe, if one, somebody wants to give me a tummy tuck, I'm
not mad about this.
Yeah, stay clear on the table.
Absolutely.
But you don't ever make me feel like I have to be this perfect.
I've got the cellulite.
I've got the dimples on my butt.
I've got the things are quite as tone as they were, you know, do I want to be healthy?
Do I try to live healthy?
Yes.
You know, but then there's those moments too.
And this is something I'm learning in 10 years of marriage, not just in marriage, but just
as a person.
We've got to give ourselves those times of seasons.
We've got to give ourselves those allotments to say, I'm not who I used to be.
You know, I may not physically be that cute girl that was walking down the aisle that
fit into a size six, but now I'm this much wiser, loving, compassionate wife that's in
a size 10.
And in some ways healthier.
In a lot of ways healthier mentally, emotionally, you know, working on physically, spiritually,
you know, understanding that yes, this is the temple that God has given me.
And yes, I want to make good decisions as I eat my chips and dip with our daughter.
But you know what I'm saying?
It's those moments of, okay, God, you know, don't major on the minor.
Or is this a major?
What do I need to do to tweak it?
You know, again, I'm looking at Gabri going, you know, because she's even saying I could
do this, you know, and this will be a healthier version, mom, if something that I can have.
And I'm like, absolutely.
And she's doing this on her own.
You know, and it's just it's it's a thing of not fixating on the flaws, but celebrating
the successes, just like you were talking about with a report card, the story with a
report card today.
Yeah.
And it was yeah, I was listening to somebody talk online and it was talking about how to
kind of flip, not really flip the script, but kind of flip what you're focused on to,
you know, again, stress the stress, the positive and not focus on the negative.
And the story was kid comes home from school and shows their parent the report card.
They've got a couple of A's, couple of B's and a D. And the kid's all sad, thinks he's
going to get chewed out.
And you know, kid hands the report card starts to leave the room.
The parents like, wait, wait, come back.
Let's talk about this.
And the kid thinks they're going to talk about the D and get yelled at.
And the parent says, hey, I see you got these two A's.
Tell me about your A's.
Tell me about these classes.
What did you do to get these A's?
You know, what was it that excited you?
What did you do to help you focus and concentrate?
You know, kind of start that conversation, have that conversation.
And then all of a sudden at the end, twist it and say, can we do some of those things
with this other class and maybe bring this up?
I love that.
What will it do?
What is going to help you succeed today?
I love that.
And then also when you're talking about the makeup, it made me think of, I forget, it
was years ago that we talked about it, but it was, I think it was you saw the story somewhere.
But it was this wife gave her husband permission for a week to pick out her outfit.
Yes.
I was like, where are we going?
Yes.
And he picked out things that she thought at first thought were ridiculous.
And why are you doing this?
This is not a good choice.
And she went to work and she was getting all sorts of compliments and she was all of a
sudden feeling more confident.
And it was one of those things that like afterwards he's like, well, this is why I chose this.
This is why I chose that.
And it's like, yes, I know you had a meeting in the office, but I chose this because of
this reason.
And it was.
And he focused on the positive that he sees in his wife versus, oh my gosh, I have to
cover this up or, oh my gosh, this isn't quite in style because I'll say this to all the
ladies out there that think that they can't wear an outfit twice.
Guys don't care.
If you catch us on the right day, you will see me, baby, you testify.
You will see me probably in the same outfit three days in a row.
Especially if we don't have to really go anywhere.
Or if you're subbing at like two or three different schools.
True story.
It's true story.
But again, I know that guys are like, oh, you can just wear a suit and a tie and that's
fine.
Or hey, for like a formal event, you can just get away with a tux and it can be the same
tux.
And it's like, ladies, you can wear the same dress.
We really don't care.
I love that.
For any guy, for husbands, boyfriends, if they truly care, they want the women in their
lives to be comfortable and to feel nice.
And if you wear the same dress for every formal occasion, all right, cool.
That's your favorite dress.
I dig it.
If you wear the same dress to every Easter Sunday, okay, you like that dress.
You feel pretty in that dress.
Wear it.
Rock it.
Yeah.
Aw, I love that.
I love that.
But then I will take it to the other side though, too.
Because I know, in ten years of marriage, and I have said this and I've actually gotten,
I gotten some pretty good flack from it.
But I want to tell people, listen to my heart, okay?
Not just my words, but listen to my heart.
When I say that if I am looking good for everybody else but you, if I'm walking around in the
sweats and the oversized sassy sweatshirt, because that's my go-to, right?
But I don't take the time to like maybe brush my hair or do my makeup or at least try to
do something and I smell good.
You know what I mean?
Like please go shower.
Hygiene is a big, big deal.
In ten years of marriage, please don't give up hygiene.
Guys, you know, if you have to fart in front of your wife, please say, excuse me.
You're really good at that.
Totally going to uncover you on that one.
But it's like, but you hear what I'm saying?
That's another thing in the ten years of marriage.
It's like, yeah, well, we're really comfortable with each other.
And there's parts of me that goes, I want you to be comfortable.
Because one of the things on my list, I'm going to skip over, but one of the things
on my list, it's like, you want to be each other's safe places.
I want to be the place where I can come and I can just lay on you and just be, you know?
We can ugly cry on each other's shoulders.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
And we can just, the grossest of gross of whatever, we should be those people.
But I want to give you my best, you know, to this day.
And Karen's actually the one that poked me and said, hey, am I missing it?
Where is it?
I'm missing the past, right?
And so love you, Karen.
Love you, Charlie.
Yeah.
They have been, they have celebrated, they just celebrated 54 years of marriage.
That's awesome.
Congratulations, you two.
Yeah.
You know?
And so I'm like, man, yes, that's going to be us, you know?
And so it's one of those where it's like, look the best.
And I will tell a quick story with Charlie and Karen.
So Charlie doesn't have a very good sniffer.
Yes.
Okay.
So he just, he just doesn't smell real well.
Not that he doesn't smell good.
He smells good.
He just doesn't smell.
He just doesn't smell good.
He just doesn't smell.
His nose doesn't work as well as it should.
And Karen, but to this day, Karen will put the lotions on and she'll spray herself.
He wears cologne, even though he may not really be able to smell it.
But they do that for each other because it's like, first she wants to smell good and be
pretty.
But then it's like periodically he might get a hint of something or whatever, but even
if he can't really smell him, he makes sure that she likes the cologne.
You're the same way.
Your beard oils, which I'm fascinated to this day, strangers in the grocery store will ask
you, dude, what do you do with your beard?
You know?
Which is so cool.
Sometimes.
Yeah, other times you're like, dude, especially if we're at the gym, you're like, I'm just
trying to do a set and I don't want to talk.
But you make sure that I like the way that your beard smells because you're 6'3", for
those that don't know, you're 6'3".
I'm 5'4 and a half.
And I'm smack right there at your beard.
I smell you before you do.
And so, and same with your pits.
I'm right there in your armpit and you make sure that whatever smell it is that you like,
that I like it more.
So it's those little bitty small things, I think.
Just making sure that you're still wanting to try.
That you're still wanting to look good.
You know, again, we're going to go out.
I text you today, hey babe, I'm thinking about maybe this outfit for tomorrow evening for
our dinner.
I like that.
That sounds good.
Because it's like, I want to do a little extra.
I want to show you that you're important to me.
So okay, so we're moving on.
Enjoy the journey.
Your favorite line.
Even in the mundane of life, because when you take time to enjoy the process and what's
around you, even when it's hard, the destination becomes that much sweeter.
Yes.
I agree.
Because it's like, when do you usually tell me to enjoy the journey, babe?
Usually when you're going shopping.
With our daughter for clothes.
Which pre-surgery was sometimes a bumpy journey.
It was hard.
You know?
But then you'd say enjoy the journey and I'd be like, okay, we didn't find what it is that
we needed.
But hey, what is our tradition?
What do we do, Gabriel?
We get Andy's, the little pretzel bites.
And then we get our little Mrs. Field smoothie and then we just talk.
Because again, even when it's hard, even in the mundane, like we're about to go on our
trip, I had to talk her off the ledge just a smidge today.
Mom, we're going to be in the car a really long time.
So I said, okay, I don't think I've broken down the whole trip to you.
Let me show you where we're going to stay each and every day and what we're going to
do.
And basically what this might look like.
And you know her, she's like, she loves, oh, we get to go to a new spot, you know, kind
of thing.
But it's like, we get to go see new terrain.
We get to go see mountains.
We get to go see different landscapes.
Y'all have never really seen the Appalachian Mountains.
We've never seen the Appalachian Mountains.
You get to drive through them.
And we get to drive through them and then we get to see an ocean, another one that we've
never seen.
I mean, technically you have seen the ocean.
But not this one.
Yes.
Oh, have we seen this one?
Yeah, when we were in Florida.
Oh, that's right, Florida.
Yeah, when we were in Florida.
Okay.
So anyway, so different.
Same ocean, different beach.
There we go.
Yeah.
We'll say that.
Point is, you know, it's like, it's about who you're with.
Yeah.
You know, cause it's like, I look at her and this is how I've said it.
I said, you know, it's not always about what you're doing.
It's about who you're with.
You know, I'm pretty certain we've said stuff like this before in the past, as far as the
podcast just, you know, there's times where you go out and you tinker in the garage and
you're doing some woodworking or like we took pictures and we, you and I literally are working
on the front end of the car.
You know, again, Chico helped, which we appreciate.
And then I came behind and I helped like, you know, and so it's like, you know, but
the fact that we're in it together, even in the rough, you know, Sebastian, even in the
rough when just life seems to be getting like too much, it's, it's enjoying the journey,
learning how to appreciate even the small, just the small.
If we are so hyped up on the big thing, because sometimes Ivan suffered from it.
Like when we were engaged, we were talking about the wedding so much and then the wedding
came and then it was done.
And then I'm like, what are we talking about?
What are we talking about now?
There was, and we've noticed that other couples have done that.
And I know there have been times where we've counseled or given advice, not really counseled,
but we've given that bit of advice and that kind of warning, if you will, to couples that
are about to get married of, you know, Hey, don't, don't focus too much because all of
a sudden you'll get to the honeymoon and it's like, okay, now what do we talk about?
That's it.
You know, if we, we spent X amount of weeks or X amount of months focused on the wedding,
now what?
Yeah.
It's like you lose each other.
Yeah.
You can, you can.
Yeah.
And that can, and that can happen with anything.
Absolutely.
I mean, we could, house life changes, whatever.
School.
And if we, if we weren't careful, we could, you know, all of a sudden make Gabri, you
know, everything about Gabri and every conversation we had with her about school.
Yeah.
And then all of a sudden it's like, when she's done with school, it's like, okay, we know
you're our kid.
Um,
Oh, see now I feel bad.
Yeah.
Sorry.
No.
I didn't mean to.
No, but I know that
we talk about other stuff.
But like literally, like she's called us out on that though.
Remember like her junior year, that was sophomore year.
Sophomore.
Sophomore year.
That was rough.
Yeah.
I agree with that.
Yeah.
We've learned.
See again in the 10 years we've been doing this now.
Yeah.
We're learning.
We're still learning.
We are.
Yeah.
I love that.
Okay.
We're going to go quick because I'm seeing our time.
All right.
So listen, not to respond, but to have a greater understanding.
And even if you don't agree or understand, at least remind them that you're still for
them and not against them.
Agreed.
Yeah.
Cause I do.
And that is, that's one of those things that I think there are a lot of people that don't
listen.
Yeah.
To, you know, they just, they listen to wait their turn versus listen to absorb.
I agree.
You know, again, not that when we have, you know, when we have a conversation, not that
one of us is teaching the other person, but you know, but it is, it's one of those things
you want to, I want to listen to what you have to say.
I want to listen to your side of this, this opinion, this point.
Right.
I want to know, you know, well, what, how, how, you know, cause again, after 10 years
of marriage, I still want to know how you think.
Yeah.
And I'm still trying to figure out how that works.
Yeah.
You know, but that's okay.
I don't, I don't think I'll ever fully know.
And yeah, there are times where I blank out when you're like, just surprise me.
And I'm like, I just, my brain's not working right now.
Pick me up, pick me up something sweet.
Surprise me.
Babe, babe.
Just, just say something.
Where do you want to eat?
Just surprise me.
No, no, no.
Don't do that one.
You, you have done well.
I was going to say, no, no, tell the truth on that one.
No, no.
This is the part where people go no way.
And it's like, no, seriously.
No, yeah.
You, you are really good.
Yes.
You, but I'll say, I'll say when it comes to eating, it's when you say, I don't, you
know, I don't have an opinion or it doesn't matter.
That's yes.
But yeah, it's, it's the whole surprise me.
That's, that's what it throws me.
Yeah.
That's where I was going.
But yeah, I don't even know what I want.
I know I want something.
Right.
I just don't know what.
So I need you to like mind read me right now.
And you're like, we don't do that though.
Yeah.
It's not what we do.
No.
Because sincerely, like I'll, I'll give me an out of girl.
Yeah.
Because when you do say, and because this is, I hate this, this seems to be like a joke
with husbands at times, you know.
Yeah.
Well, where do you want to eat?
Or wherever you want to eat.
That does not come out of my mouth.
Number one.
Yeah.
But what I will say is I really don't have an opinion.
Yeah.
Or it really, I, here are my thoughts, but ultimately I don't have an opinion.
Yeah.
So wherever you want to go, I will follow your driving, you know?
So if I have an opinion though.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
I'll let you know.
And not enough.
No, no.
I don't think I'm a weird girl, am I?
No.
I'm not, yeah, no, I'm not a princess.
No.
That's not, that's not my, as much as you treat me like one and you're so good to me,
but you know what I mean?
I don't, I think that that's another takeaway.
It's just like, don't be that demanding person.
Yeah.
You know, again, you're not the center of the attention here.
Yeah.
God is our center and we get to.
Because again, one bonus side of that is when you're not that kind of a person, when you're
not that, you know, demanding of, oh, here's, here's, I need it to my, I need it to be my
way.
Right.
You know, so that way, if you're not that person, if you are that, you know, hey, I
go with the flow, hey, go ahead and pick, you know, hey, just hear some ideas.
You know, when, when it really does matter and it really is important.
Yeah.
If you're this, you know what, this really is a priority and I need it to be a priority.
Yeah.
And then, okay.
Yeah.
Like when I was itching.
Yeah.
And you're looking at me at nine 30 at night.
Yeah.
And I'm just like, I'm in tears because I'm hurting so bad.
Yeah.
And I'm so desperately not wanting you to have to go out and take care of me like this,
babe, I'm fine.
And no, you're not.
Where do I need to go to take care of you?
Do you want me to go get this and you make me say it, which I think is sweet because
you do that to our daughter and that's where she gets it, but you know, just, do you want
me to go?
Yes, please.
If you could do this for me, that would be great.
You know, so it, it does, it, it, it creates another level of, okay, this is somebody that
doesn't ask for a lot.
So it does make it a little bit, Oh, I feel the weightiness of this.
Yeah.
Okay.
Um, I started saying this already.
I did this at the very beginning when I was giving you basically just the acclimate.
Yeah.
Um, don't make the other person feel stupid.
And then I followed up with, they married you, didn't they?
That's right.
Because how many times do we like marriage spouse bashing jokes when somebody does a
slight gut punch.
Yeah.
You know, along those lines, I've actually heard, you know, because I've joked, um, you
know, and we have other friends that have joked, you know, the whole, Oh, I married
up.
Yes.
You know, there are some people that actually say that that's not a good thing to say.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
Tell me why.
Because you're basically downing yourself.
I mean, it's true.
You know, it's, it's kind of almost like the reverse spouse bashing, if you will.
Yeah.
You're bashing yourself instead.
But yeah, you're bashing yourself for, you know, kind of implying that, you know, if
you married up, that means your wife married down.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Ooh.
I know, right?
Okay.
Are you going to say that anymore?
I mean, I probably, I think since I heard that I've slowed down on it.
Wow.
You know, cause I haven't said it in a while.
Yeah.
But I know that I, I like to say when I talk about you, um, and you've, I mean, I always
like to say, babe, you make me better.
Yeah.
You know, I don't think that's bashing.
No.
It's like, and I heard it the other day and it was like, cause somebody said, you know,
what's a soulmate?
And it's like, they make you better.
Not that they, not like you weren't better, but they bring all of the good stuff to the
surface.
And then like we talked about the makeup, the clothes, the things, we should be the
shining light beacon on our spouse.
When people, cause in the word of God, where it talks about the wife is like a crown on
the husband's head, I should be making you look in flipping good.
You know what I mean?
It's like you, you see people that, you know, like when I go out, I, I want people to know
I am, I'm spoken for.
I'm taken care of.
I used to always say, you know, cause the makeup that you bought me and it was eyeshadow
and it was called trophy wife.
And one of my coworkers found very, found that very offensive.
You trophy wife.
And I'm like, but if, you know, if, if he's keeping me well, you know, cause a lot of
people say, well, you're a kept woman.
And I'm like, yes.
He protects me.
He takes care of me.
I don't have to worry about my heart when he goes other places without me.
He keeps his heart soft and keeps his heart safe, which keeps mine and keeps our marriage
safe and strong.
You know, so if I'm a kept woman, so be it.
I understand the connotation.
I understand the negative of what used to be like, you have to look a certain way.
You have to be a certain way, stead for wife, stead for stepford.
Yeah.
My mouth doesn't want to do that.
And it's like, you know, but then you're kind of abusive or you're very demanding or you're
oppressive.
And it's like, you don't do that to me.
You want me to shine.
Whatever dream I have, you want to make it happen.
You push the other person to greatness.
You put, you know, or encourage.
Yeah.
You know, cause again, it's another way of putting it, you know, because you're like,
you know, you make me better.
It's also you make me want to make myself better.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, yes, I want to go to the gym to so that I can be healthy so that I
can keep up with the kids, you know, but I also want to be healthy for you.
I want to, I want to be around.
I want to, I want us to celebrate 50 years of marriage.
Plus, you know.
And so going to the gym, eating healthy, it's like, I want to make these better choices
for us.
Yeah.
You know, because I know that I want to be around for you.
Yeah.
You know, so it is.
It's yeah.
And keeping, and you know, and then to piggyback on that, it's like even going past the physical
part of it, just spiritually, mentally, emotionally, you know, like you said, you're doing your
therapy and you're getting things better and you want to become stronger and you want to
deal with roots and things that will help you become even greater than what you are
now, you know?
And it's like, this is, these are the kind of people we want to be.
This is what, you know, you don't just walk into a marriage and go, yay, this is it.
This is what we're doing.
You know, because we do tease sometimes and say, gosh, babe, you know, like we were at
the gym the other day and we're driving and I just looked, turned and looked at you and
I said, 10 years.
Yeah.
It's almost like, have we been sleeping?
You know, the last however many, it feels really, really fast.
But at the same time we've lived so much life, but because we've lived life in such an intentional
way, you know, not, um, not taking each other for granted, you know, not taking each other
for granted.
And then that stems into our children, stems into our coworkers, our workplaces, the students
I teach, the people you encounter, you know, our friends.
It's like becoming intentional with our time, becoming intentional with our thoughts, what
we say, what we listen to, what we let ingested, not just food, but just everything.
And so putting the best foot forward.
So that's kind of, um, my, what I've learned in 10 years.
That's my kind of short long list.
Yeah.
That was a lot of time.
That's all right.
It's okay.
Yeah.
So we're talking, we're talking.
Welcome to our world.
This is what, yeah.
You know, it's funny.
It's funny because I was actually listening to another podcast or part of a podcast earlier
today and, um, one of the podcast hosts, um, there was a commercial on the podcast and
he's going to start having a separate podcast with him and his wife.
Oh, and they're going to random, but they're going to randomly talk about randomness.
Yeah.
Like, and all of a sudden I was like, should we branch out and should we talk about random
stuff?
Not that I want to sit there and like copy people, but you know, it's like, I know, I
know one of our main focuses is family relationships, communication, spirituality.
Yeah.
You know, but it is, it's like, I know there are times we have random conversations and
it's like, should we have random conversation?
All right.
Listeners.
We've got friends that listen like intently.
Yeah.
So we are listening.
You guys have some thoughts, some ideas of just some randomness to talk about.
Um, we want it to be productive randomness.
Yeah.
Even if it's not, even if it's not, we can mash a couple together.
We could.
Yeah.
I mean, like, what is that?
Like a handful plus of what I've learned in 10 years, you know, with you.
So I want to say thank you, babe.
You're welcome, babe.
Thank you.
For 10 years of really good.
Yes.
Yeah.
I'm, I'm incredibly grateful that we don't have to say we've been married however many
years and only so many were good.
Yeah.
Every day is good with you.
Even the hard is good.
And I will never change my mind.
I love you.
Happy anniversary.
Have the best week guys.
Yes.
Enjoy the journey.
Oh, and happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.
Yes.
That's Saturday.
Yes.
Oh yeah.
Or I could be that guy and say happy Mother's Day to everybody.
I could be that guy because that's irritating.
I do it for fun every year.
I've even said it to our head pastor just for fun.
And then he smiles at you just like whatever.
Just like it's like seven o'clock at night.
I'll look at somebody.
Good morning.
Wait, what?
And it's funny to watch the people that are paying attention versus not paying attention.
Because if you catch the right person that's half paying attention, they'll say good morning
to you right back.
Yeah.
It's true.
But no, but sincerely happy Mother's Day to all you mamas.
Yes.
That have kiddos still that never had kiddos at all, but are mentors and that are good,
good people that just speak into lives of those that are around them.
I honor you.
I bless you.
I speak the goodness of God over you and that this is not a time of mourning for you, but
this is a time of rejoicing and knowing that God is so, so close in every area.
Enjoy those kiddos.
Enjoy that marriage.
Enjoy the journey.
Yes.
And we'll talk to you guys next week.
Yes.