Hello and welcome to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
I feel like I need drums in the background or something.
That doesn't work.
That was way too much.
That was sorry.
Sorry about that.
That's fine.
We're not going to delete it.
It's fine.
No, yeah.
I was giving you drums.
You were.
I appreciate that.
Hi babe.
Not too bad.
How are you?
I get to start my new adventure tomorrow.
That's going to be exciting.
I'm nervous.
You are.
But it's, I just want to be the best I can be for these kids.
It's just that simple.
I want to know how nasty the enemy is and he's trying to literally destroy this generation's
identity when it comes to Christ.
And I just, I want to remind these kids who they get to be.
So it feels a little heavy on me, but it's going to be good.
It's going to be good because the thing that keeps coming to my mind is, father, the joy
of the Lord is my strength.
Your joy is my strength.
And if I walk in with your joy, then I know that you're going to sustain me.
I'm not going to take anything serious this year.
That's my goal.
Yes.
Too seriously.
I like it.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I'm going to take some things seriously.
But you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Just like, don't get offended if somebody comes at you, especially when they don't know
you.
Yeah.
It's a reflection of what's going on inside of them, not you.
So these are the, these are the nuggets that are going on in my brain right now.
So I'm just going to walk in as a clean slate and just be like, it's going to be rainbows
and puppy dogs.
Yes.
We like those.
Like the puppy dog that you got to play with.
Yes.
I got to play with an awesome puppy dog today.
Oh my gosh.
She's a pit bull and she's the sweetest puppy on the planet.
Deaf little two year old.
She's a deaf little two year old and she acts like a little two year old sometimes.
Sharp little teeth and all.
Yeah.
But she doesn't like bite.
Nope.
Because I know that little poor little pit bulls, they get a bum rap.
She is absolutely precious and her mommy and daddy are, they do so well with her.
Yes.
So it's good.
It's good.
All right, babe.
So what are we talking about today?
Cause I have no idea.
You kind of do.
Do I?
Yeah.
But before I give a title, I want to say a huge shout out.
This is going to be, this is episode 40.
What?
Yeah.
That's huge.
That is huge.
I love that.
Yeah.
40.
Yeah.
Gosh.
I'm excited.
I love that.
I'm sorry.
I just literally just like went to the princess, the muddy princess and I was like, I'm 47
and I ran around in the mud.
That had nothing to do with 40.
Right.
I'm 47 and I ran around in the mud with a bunch of some of the most amazing women on
the planet.
Cause you're awesome.
And we over cam stuff and we did stuff and see, I'm having all these little mini segments
in my brain right now.
Cause sorry guys, this has nothing to do with anything that we're talking about.
At least I don't know.
Like I said, I have no idea, but it just, it anyway, it was just, it's, you see what's
happening to me right now.
I'm a little scattered and I don't mean to be scattered, but I think it's just because
there's so much going on.
Yeah.
And, um, I'm, I'm walking in a great expectation of, of whatever this next leg of this journey
is.
It's just going to be good.
So talk to me, babe.
Okay.
What are you talking about?
So episode 40, 40 so excited when the healing doesn't hurt as much.
Ooh.
See?
Yeah.
Made me think of my muddy princess again.
Yeah.
This was yesterday.
Yeah.
We did, what did I say?
Like 12 obstacles, 15 obstacles.
And there were eight of us and a couple of the girls were like, Hey, you guys sore.
What's going on?
And all I kept thinking was I'm not really sore.
Not like, like not sore sore.
I know that my muscles did things, but it, my healing didn't take anywhere close to as
long.
So it's just today just knowing that I have the rest of the week to do, um, I'm going
to be sitting and learning stuff for my sub job, but it's like, it, yeah.
Yeah.
Like it didn't take any time to recover.
I can, I actually, once in the house going, hi, I'm disgusting.
I'm going to go shower now.
And then that was roughly about it.
Yeah.
And you, I mean, I remember when, you know, years ago when we were in the tough mudder,
I mean, we were, we were not walking straight for a while.
No, that was, yeah.
You came home and I'm like, did you do an obstacle course?
It does help that I washed a lot of the mud off.
That's true.
Yeah.
So tell me what is this?
So yeah.
Tell me what this thought is.
So when the healing doesn't hurt as much.
Okay.
I know in the past we've had some questions and I know that we've encountered, um, both
in ourselves individually and, and friends have, you know, expressed concerns to us.
Um, but I know sometimes heartbreak is real.
Yes.
You know, sometimes people get crushed.
Yes.
But it's, it's kind of that question of when is it okay to move on?
You know, when, when does, you know, because to a degree, you know, especially if it's
like a massive heartache, heartbreak, you know, I mean, you're going to carry that hurt
for a while, but it's, but it's that question of when, when is it okay to kind of not really
okay?
That's a, that's a bad word.
It's not like, you know, it's not like somebody sitting there like, you know, this is good
time.
This is bad time, but you know, it's like, what are some of the things that you can look
at that, you know, kind of gives you that green light or look in the spirit that gives
you that green light of, yes, I'm still hurting, but I can move on.
Yeah.
You know, because I know you and I have been through divorces.
Um, we've, we've had friends that have been through divorces and, and near marriages that
ended badly, you know, before they even got married.
Um, you know, people, people that have been widowed, you know, so it's like, you know,
how do you, how do you process that?
You know, because, you know, sometimes it's, are you on your own?
Sometimes there's kids involved, you know?
So it's like, it's almost that balancing act of missing that person in your life, but yet
not wanting to, like I'll speak for me, even though she did me wrong when the divorce was
final, it still hurt.
Even though I know she's the one that hurt me.
Yeah.
Um, yes, I wasn't totally blameless, but I'll say it, she was more at fault than I was.
Sure.
Um, but it was, it was still, it's still her lot and I didn't know if or when I would be
ready to move on after my divorce, you know?
And thankfully I didn't have kids to worry about, you know, because I know, you know,
some people they have older, you know, they have kids, especially older kids.
And it's like, well, no, I don't want my parent to move on because that's not, you know, that's
not my parents.
Yeah.
You know, so it's, you know, so again, it's, it was kind of one of those things.
And so that's, like I said, I know we were talking a little bit about it last week.
Yeah.
Um, and every now and then we've talked because like I said, we both have been down this road
for ourselves.
And so that was kind of what I wanted to throw out there, you know, for this.
Yeah.
So yeah, no, I think that's good.
Um, I think there's gotta be a process of healing.
Yeah.
There's gotta be a process of forgiveness.
In that case, we've had friends that have lost loved ones that passed away and, um,
and we're talking about, we're obviously talking about relationship right now as far as like,
um, whether you were married or in a, in a, um, committed relationship, we say it that
way, committed relationship.
Um, there's a lot of times I think there's, there's those moments where I'll say for me,
when I went through my stuff, um, and my divorce, I had to grieve the loss of what I thought
was supposed to happen.
Yes.
I had to grieve though, what could have, should have been.
Yeah.
And, and you know, and then it's like those moments too, where like there's other relationships
I've been in that I feel like there's those days where you go, man, I feel like I've been
stolen from, you know, um, I know that there's people out there that are in that space too.
It's like, I gave all this time, I did all this effort, or maybe I even knew I wasn't
supposed to be in this relationship, but, um, I was in it committed, but now I feel
like, you know, knowing the flip side of it, that I've lost a lot of time.
I've lost a lot of, um, emotion, you know, trust.
Yeah.
And it's like, I think when we, when we get into that, that head space and we allow God
to come in, we first get into that place of man, father, I was a bonehead.
Yeah.
You know, especially if it's something that, you know, that you weren't supposed to be
in that would be my marriage, you know, that would be almost every one of the relationships
that I've ever had in my lifetime outside of you and maybe one other.
Um, but it was one of those where it's like, you stand back and you say, God, I, I, I screwed
up or you know what?
God, they screwed up, but father, I released them.
I released them, um, from all of the expectations.
I released them from, um, first father, forgive me for putting that person in a position that
they weren't supposed to be in, or I walked in an expectation that only you could fill
and put that on that person, you know?
So it's like the multiple ways, you know, whether maybe there was abuse, maybe there
was, you know, mishandling of, of, I don't know, finances or just life, just life, mishandling
of life, you know?
And you have to say, father, I'm, I'm asking that you forgive me and father, I'm, I'm forgiving
them.
Yeah.
You know, or if you even need to go to that person, if they're still around, if that's
something the Holy Spirit, you know, does with your heart and says, Hey, I need you
to ask for forgiveness.
And I actually did that with mine, you know, and you, you give them that opportunity to
also be free.
Because if we don't walk in forgiveness and we don't ask for forgiveness, we're holding
so many people captive in that moment.
And then we're tying God's hands for him to do anything that he won't any healing or anything
extra that he wants to do in our lives because we're, we're too bound and bitter to, to even
be open for anything else.
But I think when we finally get to a place where we've done a lot of those things, and
yes, it might still hurt, it might still hurt about thinking about the person or potentially
even encountering them, you know, like, you know, Oh my gosh, I'm about to head out and
there's a good chance I might encounter this person.
What do I do?
And it's like, when you've allowed the Holy Spirit, when you've allowed the love of God
to just come and permeate and literally open up those wounds, dig out all of the junk,
anything that might, any kind of bitterness, any kind of resentment, any kind of, you know,
anything that might try to even try to tie you back to that person.
When you start allowing the Holy Spirit to uproot those things and really just go at
it and then let his healing come, then I think the anxiety, you know, I know for the longest
time after my divorce, I felt like I was walking around holding my breath.
Like, I didn't feel like I could even laugh or even feel joy, you know, because it's,
it's in those moments, I always think of it, it's almost like a slow death.
It's like, it's like there's a death there, but the person is not dead.
Or like I said, there's others that have actually had somebody pass away.
But even in divorce, if that person's still walking around, there is a severing and you're
not in that place with that person anymore.
And then all of a sudden there's this thing of, can I even trust somebody again?
Can I even make myself that vulnerable to somebody again?
And that's where you've got to so have the Holy Spirit just guide you, direct you.
Because when it came to you and I, and I saw you walk in, I was like, I also saw what walked
in with you, all of this stuff.
But even in the midst of that, I watched you allow God to be the number one in that, in
that space with you.
And, and that was refreshing and that was encouraging.
And so I think when we are allowing that healing to come, and when we start opening ourselves
up to even the possibility of having other, you know, another relationship, I think one
of the number one things you need to do is make sure that you've got your foundation
laid.
You have your, your boundaries, your expectations, your borders set, line them up with the word
of God.
What does he say?
And then just live life and just watch him just do what he wants to do when he's ready
to do it.
Yeah.
I think, I think also I was, I was really glad you said grieve because that was actually
something I put down in my notes is that sometimes it can feel like a death.
Yeah.
But I think, I think also as far as, you know, part of the healing process, part of the moving
on process, especially if you're thinking that you want to get back out into the world
of finding somebody new.
Yeah.
Especially if you've been hurt.
But regardless of if you have or not, I think something that we all need to let go of is
the, that reminded me of my ex or that's what my ex would do.
You know, it's, it's come to the realization that that part of your life is over.
Right.
You are now with a new person.
Yeah.
I mean, unless you don't listen to the Holy Spirit and you seriously fall for the same
person time after time, but you know, your favorite saying, right.
Yeah.
Different, different girl or same girl, different t-shirt.
Yeah.
But you know, I mean, so it's like, cause I have, you know, I mean, I've run into that,
you know, before you and it was like, you know, it's, it's, and nobody, nobody wants
to hear that.
Nobody wants to hear the comparisons to somebody's past, you know, because again, it's, it's
almost that, that eternal conflict of you keep focusing on the negative of your past
and somebody is like, but I'm a different, I'm, I'm somebody completely different.
You know, I am not that person.
Correct.
I'm here for you.
And so it's almost like, you know, that when they say, you know, when you put your hands
to the plow, don't look back, you know, so again, it's the, it's the whole, you're now
in this relationship or you're trying to look forward to a new relationship.
You're trying to put yourself out there, but it's like, you keep looking back over your
shoulder thinking about how they, how they hurt you or how they, you know, they, they
did something, you know, I, I mean, I know my sister almost got married, you know, and
like two months before the wedding, he ended it and they were together for four, almost
five years and she's still hurt.
And that was over 20 years ago.
And she's, you know, she, I think she's, you know, we don't talk about it as much, you
know, but she is, she's still hurt.
She's still carrying those hurts.
Yeah.
So it's, it's one of those things that it's okay to not be fully healed for a while, you
know, but eventually you do, you've got to get to that point in your life and it, and,
and with God and say, I'm not there anymore.
Yeah.
This, this is not mine to carry anymore.
Yeah.
So again, it's, it's, when somebody throws a fence down, you know, you don't have to
pick it up, you know, if somebody calls you something, you don't have to pick it up.
When the enemy says who he thinks you are, you don't have to pick it up and claim it,
you know, but, but here we as humans, you know, if some girlfriend or boyfriend or ex-spouse
has done us wrong, you know, here we're going to carry it around with us for 30, 40, 50
years.
Yeah.
Thinking back to man, why'd she do that?
Yeah.
You know, and it's like, let go.
Why?
Right.
You know, it's, it's almost like those 50, 60 year old guys that are still reliving their
high school football glory days.
It's like, dude, that's not you anymore.
Yeah.
Just stop.
And I would also say that we can't err on the side of, um, cause sometimes we have a
tendency to look at the negative and I think we should also be very aware of like, you're
talking about the comparison part of things and it's like, well, even if you're seeing
the positive, well, why don't you do this?
My ex used to do that, you know, kind of situation or even what I kept hearing in my head while
you're talking was you need to know that it's okay to live again.
Yes.
Oh yeah.
You need to know it's okay to live again.
You need to know that it's okay to have joy, that it's okay to have peace in the midst
of this.
You need to know that it's okay for you to be happy.
That it's okay to take risks again.
It is.
It's just, it's just okay.
Cause it's like, you know, again, our, our beautiful girl periodically, like, you know,
well, mom, she loves you.
She adores you, but it's like, you know, well mom, like what would have happened if you
guys would have stayed together?
And it's like, you, you want to go, I can't play that game with you because the thing
is, is we wouldn't have, we wouldn't have, this was destructive.
We wouldn't have, um, it's better for us just to say, you know what?
I am going to rejoice in the places that I rejoice.
I'm going to look at the positive of what I can see, but when it's time to go, it's
time to go.
When it's time to heal, it's time to heal.
Ecclesiastes, it talks about there's a, there's always a season.
Yeah.
There's always a time.
There's a time to mourn.
There's a time to rejoice.
You know, and it's like, allow yourself to be happy again.
Remind the enemy that he doesn't get to own you in this place anymore.
That grief is no longer your portion.
That's not your name.
Yeah.
That, that divorced or, or acts or used to be this or used to live like that.
That's not who you are anymore.
That's not your identity.
That's not your name.
Your name is restored.
Your name is redeemed.
Your name is healed.
Your name is overcome or you are more than enough.
There is not one thing lacking inside of you.
You are enough.
That's right.
And when you start seeing yourself in those places, when you start carrying yourself in
that kind of manner, that you're no longer a victim of your past.
You're not a victim of your relationships, of your poor decisions or someone else's poor
decisions.
You, you start walking different.
You start talking different.
You start responding different.
Yeah.
And that's what our prayer is that you start healing in those places in that kind of manner.
So that way, when you do encounter whether it's just friendships, relationships, family
members, but specifically somebody to walk the rest of your days with, then you get to
bring something healed and beautiful.
You get to learn from things, but those things no longer get to own you.
Right.
They no longer get to occupy those spaces anymore.
Yeah.
You get to live again.
You get to breathe again.
Yes.
And stop holding your breath and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Yeah.
I like it.
So yeah, that's what I wanted to talk about today.
I love that prayer.
Thanks for kind of springing it on me.
You're welcome.
I love that.
I like when I do that to you.
Because again, you're like, you know, at first you're like, I don't think I could talk about
that.
And then I say it, this is what we're talking about.
Oh, yeah, I could talk about that.
Again, we have these conversations.
Yep.
So go be healed.
Yeah.
Breathe again.
Now that you are worth, know you're worth.
Yeah.
You are so worth so much goodness that God literally gave his son to die for you.
Yes.
If you have nothing else but that, tap into that and run.
Yes.
Run.
It's time to live, guys.
I know.
It's time to live.
All right.
Have a good night.
Enjoy the journey.