Hello and welcome back to Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi babe.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
I am good, how are you?
I'm doing awesome.
We have special guests in the studio with us.
I am stoked.
That sounds weird to say studio.
Welcome to our studio.
They can testify that we're actually in a studio.
Yes.
So our friends, Stuart and Patty Noel, welcome.
Thank you.
So good to be here.
Thank you.
So we're just going to have a conversation with you guys.
I know we've been having conversation.
We had dinner so it was fun.
But we know that you guys have an awesome testimony, an awesome story of just your marriage
has been through all sorts of ups and downs and celebrations and some tears and just,
we want to, we love hearing about the awesome things of God and how things can go through
a marriage and we just, we want to hear more of your story and we also want to be able
to share your story with all of our listeners.
Yeah.
So one of the number one things that, let me plug really quickly, Patty and Stuart are
one of those friends that are family that I'm going to do my best not to cry because
no, you got tissue right there.
It's fine.
It's one of those things where one of the reasons why we wanted to do this with y'all
in particular is we respect and honor you guys so very much.
So very much.
I personally have known y'all for 18 years.
Wow.
Since she was three.
Thank you baby.
Since Gabriel was six months old and to see, to literally, we were just joking right before
you hit record that I have literally got to sit on a front row watching you guys, watching
how you've hit trials, tribulations, how you guys have worked through things, how you lost
your marriage, but then God came and completely rescued and did whatever he did there.
And that was what it is that we were wanting to bring to the table with you guys today.
It's like we said communication, but like, what does that look like?
How did this even happen?
And so if you guys want to give us kind of a brief background, a history, maybe how long
y'all been married, just however you guys speak to us, speak to the listeners, know
that I just love y'all.
We love you guys.
I just love you guys.
It's an honor to be here.
And just really appreciate that you guys are even spending the time to do this with us.
Of course.
Thank you.
Of course.
We adore you guys.
Do you want to start, babe, or do you want me to start?
I was thinking that too, but I'm not sure exactly where I would start.
Well, you want me to confess what you're thinking?
How long have y'all been married?
Oh, okay.
We've been married for 26 years.
Okay.
Children, grandbabies, what have we got?
Okay, so we have, we're a blended family.
So Stuart is my second husband and I'm his second wife.
So we have Ian and Jessica that are from my first marriage.
Andrew is from his first marriage and then Samuel, who is from both of us.
And then we adopted Natalie.
So we have five children and we have four grandchildren, Maile, I have to go slow, Jericho,
Jolene and Nora.
And we are loving this season of life.
So good.
Yes.
So good.
So how did you guys meet?
We met at a Methodist church.
So that was a wild experience.
I was actually counseling with the pastor while I was going through a divorce.
Oh, wow.
It was a pretty bad divorce.
I think she didn't want to be married in the first place.
So anyway, I'd been counseling with him and the senior pastor knew me quite well too.
Him and I were standing in the sanctuary one day talking and this beautiful blonde walks
by me.
She's got hair down past her butt and I'm looking at her going, whoa, what a hottie.
And Chris, the senior pastor, grabs a hold of my arm and takes me over to introduce her
to me.
That's how we met.
That is how we met.
That was it.
But I had only been saved for about three or four months, like saved like I had a God
experience.
Not that been churched.
Like I had been churched before, but I had an experience with Jesus and his overwhelming
love and I'd been a single mom.
So I'm like, I'm done with men.
It's just going to be me and Jesus and we're going to rock this thing and I don't need
another man.
I have Jesus as my man.
And then God brought Stuart.
And so it was like six months later that we got married.
It wasn't very long.
I mean, it was like God put the two of us together and our kids immediately connected.
That was one of the greatest thing is our kids from day one that they were together.
People would look at them and they could not imagine that they weren't really brothers
and sisters.
I was going to say, I mean, I know I came in late to the party, so to speak, but I did.
I mean, I've met most of your children.
I think the two oldest, two or three oldest were like out of the house by the time I came
around.
And every time I saw your guys as kids, I was like, well, Patty and Stuart, their dad,
mom and dad.
I was like, I didn't know until all of a sudden it was like, I think, Dina, you explained
it to me.
I'm like, they're blended?
Right.
Oh, yeah.
So yeah, I will testify and witness that, yeah, I had no idea.
Well, one of the things that I can say on blended marriage is right off the bat and
one of the things that I think was a big winner for us is we never, ever, ever referred to
our kids as hers, mine and ours.
Never.
They're ours.
Period.
Yeah.
And when they go see their other moms and dads, great, great.
But when they're with us, they're our kids.
Yeah.
That's it.
Yeah, we do that with ours.
Right.
Absolutely.
Right.
I love that.
Because it's like, I remember, I want to say one of the first times you ever really seen
it, it was at Justin Jordan's wedding.
Yeah, I think it was their wedding.
And all of a sudden I'm like, who's this person that's not her dad walking her down the aisle?
Yeah, and then she walked down with both of them.
Two dads.
That was awesome.
It means a different thing on the liberal side when you have two dads waiting.
Yeah.
And then you have your dad and stepdad.
But to see her with the two brothers.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah.
And it was, I just stared and just watched.
And it was just so, so sweet to see just the unconditional love that absolutely permeates
through them.
So good.
So you guys can see it.
And Patty was talking about the two dads.
I'll tell you what was really hilarious.
Oh no.
And I just, I rolled laughing when Patty and Linda, my ex, did this.
We were in-
At Stanford.
California at Stanford at Andrew's graduation.
And Andrew said something about it just being awkward that he has both moms here.
And Patty pipes up and says, that's fine.
Just take us over and you can tell people that this is my mom.
This is my other mom.
And I just stared and just watched.
That's another thing over the years that either in our exes, we all get along great now.
Right.
Every single one of us.
It's really good.
I love that.
It was not that way the first 10 years of our marriage.
So if there was any wise little nugget on that, it would be just to choose your battles
with your exes and don't choose every single battle.
Because it's expensive and it really takes its toll on the children.
And we did try to be always kind and loving about our other spouses to the children.
That's good.
You don't need to rip them apart.
Nope.
Yeah.
No.
Not at all.
I feel like we got off track though.
You guys were asking the question about when our marriage fell apart.
Well I mean, you're building up to that.
We asked how did y'all get married.
Go back to the hot blonde part.
You have to build a marriage before you can tear it down.
That's right.
Before it'll fall apart.
Right.
I'll just put it this way.
I refused to let go of that hot blonde.
There was no way.
She wasn't going anywhere.
Kick me out of the house all you want.
I will testify this man likes his life.
You're beautiful blonde.
Oh my God.
Like sweetly, awkwardly.
We're going to leave the room now, okay?
It's getting warm in here.
It is.
It's fine.
Turn up the heat.
It is what Luke was saying though about you have to build a marriage.
So I feel like if you don't start your marriage on a solid rock foundation that at some point
or another a storm will come in life and it will take it down.
Just like Jesus says.
Our marriage wasn't built on a strong rock.
So when Stewart had a business that fell apart in 2008, whatever, seven or eight.
And it just took our marriage out.
I was ready.
I'm just a fight or flight person.
And so I'm just ready to, I'm done.
Tap out.
And he is fight or flight the other way.
He's more fight.
I'm more flight I guess.
Oh I'm flighty.
Oh dang it.
I'm the flighty one.
But he did never give up.
He didn't ever give up.
And that's what he was saying about just fighting for our family and believing.
And of course we had wonderful pastors and friends and stuff come around us.
But it was an encounter with the Holy Spirit for me that said this is a destructive pattern.
A person was praying for me at church and they prayed this destructive thing to be broken
off my life.
And it was like all of a sudden my eyes could open.
My eyes opened and I could see where I was perpetuating this family spirit or whatever
you want to call it of divorce.
And being flighty.
I'm flighting from a situation when it got hard.
And I'm like that's not the kingdom of God.
And God called me, empowered me with the Holy Spirit to fight.
And so I'm like I'm gonna fight for our marriage too.
And you guys have been married how long?
At that point it was probably 10 years.
So we joke.
We've been married 26 years.
16 of those happily.
The first Stambridge's experience.
This is a trial.
So anyway when that came about the business failed.
I ended up filing bankruptcy against it all.
We had nothing left.
All the vehicles had been repossessed.
Everything was gone.
We were down to nothing.
We had been given a car, an old clunker that was a very big blessing.
And it got me back and forth to the job that I took on at that point.
Drove back and forth to work.
Finally she was done with me.
I left the house.
Went and lived in an apartment for a while.
Crazily enough I could step out that apartment door and walk just about one apartment down
and look over the fence and see our house.
It didn't go very far.
He left but it didn't go very far.
I did keep taps on.
I would continuously lay on my face on that bare living room rug in that apartment.
I didn't have much and I'd just lay on my face crying out to God.
And to tell you the truth I couldn't feel much of anything except for knowing that I
was miserable.
I didn't feel God hearing me, saying anything to me or anything else.
But I would tell him just wreck me.
Do away with me.
I'm sick and tired of me.
See I'm a risk taker and very adventurous.
I want to have that risk and adventure.
Otherwise I'm bored.
I'm totally bored.
And I found out that that's not too stable for her.
Well both had stuff you had to deal with.
So I needed to bring in the stability.
And somehow miraculously God brought me back into the military.
I didn't think it would happen because the Navy actually turned me down.
They wouldn't bring me back.
But the Army ended up taking me and that was good.
Ended up doing the next what?
15 years after that.
Pretty much full time.
But one day I'll never forget it.
I called our pastor and I told him I said you know I'm done.
I'm ready to just pack up and leave.
And leave for good and leave everything behind.
I have fought to the fullest extent of what I can fight.
He says well just show up to church one more time tomorrow morning.
And something happened that morning that just and I can't even tell you really what it was.
Something just happened that I knew that I knew that I knew that our marriage was about
to be restored.
I love when that happens.
Just absolutely miraculous.
I have no idea what was going on.
But in the midst of all of that I knew that something had changed in me that was the wildest
thing because you could have called me any name in the book.
Probably hit me or whatever you wanted to do and I would have probably said yeah you're
right.
And just left it at that.
It wouldn't have faced me.
I wouldn't have been offended.
It wouldn't have hurt.
I would have been yeah you're right.
Yeah I'm a loser.
You got it.
So true.
And so it came to the point to where Patty could literally say anything to me and calmly
and coolly I could turn around and say yeah you're right I failed at that.
Without any that old thing in the gut that just comes after you wanting you to be on
defense.
It wouldn't be there.
It wasn't there anymore.
Totally went away.
And from my perspective that is totally what saved our marriage.
Because the next time that we were talking she sensed that.
And she saw that I changed.
I didn't defend myself at all anymore.
Didn't matter.
Yeah.
Crazy.
And the role that I played in that was that here he was very defensive person and I was
a very critical wife.
And so our pastor says stop focusing on what's wrong with Stuart.
And start focusing on what's right.
Because I would go in and go in for counseling and really what I wanted to do was go in there
and bash my husband right.
Just be real.
And she's like no he loves God.
He works hard.
He loves his family.
He loves you.
You know.
And so focus on those things.
And another thing that she said when we started talking again because we actually didn't talk
for I don't know a couple of weeks or maybe a month because we just needed there was this
toxic pattern that had kind of formed.
And we just needed some space.
And she says she and her husband both said take 30 days and don't talk about any of the
problems.
Go on dates and just talk about the good things.
So once we could start focusing on how blessed we were and the goodness of God in our lives
and how much we've survived and you know the love that we have for each other and the love
that our children had for you know each other things just really started to turn.
Another crazy thing about this whole thing that just dawned on me again was we had an
attorney both of us knew.
We had used her forever.
Great gal.
And you know when teenagers get tickets it's a good idea to get an attorney so then their
insurance doesn't go up.
We need to get the phone number too.
Okay so on a side note I'll tell you a funny story.
No no go back to the attorney.
Just real quick.
So I'm out in Nebraska at this point I believe.
Wisconsin maybe.
Wisconsin or Nebraska one or the two at that time.
I think it was Nebraska at that time.
But anyway it's late night it's about nine o'clock not very late but of course military
we were already getting ready to crawl into bed and be done for the night.
I get this phone call and it's from my daughter.
And she's calling she's saying I'm going oh no what's wrong what's wrong.
Well she had just gotten pulled over in a very familiar spot where many people have
gotten speeding tickets.
And she's got her brother with her and I hear her brother over in this passenger seat just
laughing.
Younger brother.
And she says I got a speeding ticket.
And I said is that all?
Yeah but blah blah.
And I went no no no no sweetie it'll be fine don't worry.
I'll tell you about it just as soon as I get home I'll call the attorney they'll take care
of it.
It's not a big deal don't worry one more instant about it.
And that was it.
Yeah.
But wasn't about to call mom.
Oh no.
No.
But that was just a side note.
It's good to have that attorney to make a phone call.
But anyway.
It's a whole other situation.
So this attorney Patty had filed for divorce with her.
She had all the divorce papers drawn up and everything else.
Well that attorney called me and told me about the divorce papers being drawn up and everything
else and I said how long can you hold them without serving me.
And she sat on those things.
Oh wow.
She didn't give me my retainer back though I just want to be clear.
So if you're listening Patty wants her money.
No she doesn't.
Fine.
We've been paid over and over.
What a blessing.
She was an absolute blessing to us.
And I already know because she's spirit filled too.
She was praying for us through the whole thing.
She didn't want us to be divorced.
It was so good.
So we had a team of people fighting for us.
Lots of them.
We need community and tribe around us.
We do need each other.
That's why when we get together with you guys we're just what you see is what you get because
it's safe.
And you just need those people in your life that you can be real and safe with.
And we just have people in our lives to be that.
You sure do.
It's the people that you can blow up in front of fall apart onto you.
And then they're the ones that say okay now let's remember who we are and let's keep moving.
That sits with you in the mess and then pulls you up out of it and then points you back
on the right track.
I love that.
So what are some practical things?
Because I absolutely love this story and again I got to be one of the flies on the wall that
got to watch this happen.
And what are some practical things?
Because you guys have been throwing a couple of nuggets out there for people.
I absolutely...
Patty's an author.
She actually...
You want to plug your book for us real quick?
Right.
Yeah.
I wrote a book that was published in April called Momistry.
And it just kind of takes my 34 years of mom failures and encourages moms on how not to
make the same mistakes and shares the tools that I was given that helped me raise kids
that love God, love family, are all successful, love each other.
And that's really what we want for our kids.
Right.
She has had many more successes as a mom than she has failed.
I absolutely...
I can attest to that.
Thank you.
She's one of my heroes for sure.
But it's one of those things where I wanted you to plug that.
But I also, what I watch is I watch you guys go on dates.
Yes.
I watch.
It's so important.
And so just even if it's just some practical, just Stewart and Patty, tell us some things
that you guys...
Go parking in the woods.
It's great.
Dude.
Okay.
Dude.
Yes.
So funny.
Funny story.
So funny story.
Okay.
It had an adventure.
Somehow not to get pulled over.
Well, we didn't want to get pulled over.
So we pulled off in the country and we just found this...
It was summer.
So we were summer loving in our 40s.
No kids.
Woohoo!
It is a way to be.
We did.
So you can still have a spark.
Absolutely.
And still be just in the midst of all of that.
Life.
We have godparents.
In that four-wheel drive pickup truck.
Heck yeah.
Come on, man.
That's where you need the bench seat.
Okay.
That's good.
But I have godparents that I've had since 15 is when they spiritually adopted me.
And to this day, they're 70s and they've been married 50 plus years.
And whenever they go out, they say, we're on our honeymoon.
And I think too many times people say, well, the honeymoon's over.
Or you were so, whenever we were having dinner, you were like, listen, certain things, certain
aspects of our lives are even better now.
Yes.
And what I said was over your wonderful chili was that sex is better now than it was when
we first got married.
Yes.
Like the honeymoon was beautiful, but it was short-lived.
And now it is a long, beautiful process.
And we have a lot more fun and intimacy.
And we're closer now and can laugh at ourselves and just be wonderful together.
Or even, you're talking about honeymoons and all.
And I'm almost thinking to almost to those people that almost speak the negative of,
oh, just wait till the honeymoon's over.
Right.
Oh yeah.
And it's like, oh, you're happy now, but wait till reality hits in.
And all of a sudden it's like the fights and the, it's like, people have told us when we're
like, oh yeah, we don't fight.
Oh, then you don't talk to each other.
Right.
It's like, yeah, we do.
Right.
We don't have fights, it's because we talk to each other.
You communicate.
Yeah.
That's right.
You communicate.
Cause you're fighting or discussing to solve the problem.
You're not fighting to win your point of view.
And when you're having a discussion as teammates, so one time we were talking at one of the
things we did together when we spoke, Stuart and I talked about, you know, that thing they
always do it in weddings where they do the rope when two strands are together, they put
10,000.
And before that in Ecclesiastes, it says, you know, if you fight back to back, you can
conquer, you know, and if you're fighting and we did a visual on the stage where we
put our backs towards each other, then we're not fighting each other.
We're fighting the enemy.
We're fighting the problem.
So if you sit down and your purpose is to solve the problem, not to fight, you're not
going to have a fight.
I love that.
Right.
I absolutely love that.
And so I, what I do is I say, I need to time out.
Or Stuart, who used to be the hothead.
Now I'm more of a hothead.
Since menopause, I'm more of a hothead.
And those are going to be real.
So he'll say, I can see you need to time out.
I'll give you a second there.
But I don't get offended.
He's right because I'm about to get into fight mode.
And I'm going to put in a plug for men right now.
One of the biggest things men need to learn.
Shut up.
Yeah.
I mean, point blank.
Let her talk.
Let her tell you what the problem is and shut your mouth.
Quit feeling defensive.
Like you've got to defend yourself.
Like you didn't do it.
You did it.
Whatever it is, it hurt her feelings.
Let her tell you what it is.
And then we can work it out.
And if you start getting emotional about it, get up, go take a walk.
Come back to it later.
You don't have to respond.
There's no law that says we have to respond.
We don't have to.
You quit.
Sooner or later, it's got to be resolved, but it doesn't have to be responded to right
now.
Yeah.
I love that.
Yeah.
So good.
Love is patient.
Yes.
Yeah.
Very much so.
Yeah.
Because we always go back to 1 Corinthians 13.
That's the foundation of our marriage.
We always say that.
And it's love is patient, love is kind.
It doesn't push itself on you.
It's not puffed up.
It doesn't demand its own way.
And that is what I see with the two of you guys.
You guys are constantly serving each other.
You're constantly loving each other in a place where the other person needs or whatever is
going on.
Or just the fact that you are so crazy about this blonde.
I mean, game over.
Game over.
And I'll say is, I know so often they say that with God and the Holy Spirit, nobody
is ever too far gone that they can't be saved.
Nobody is ever too far gone that they can't get back into the kingdom.
And it's like, I look at the two of you and I hear your story and I listen to you two
talk and it's like, it encourages me to know that no marriage is ever too far gone.
That's right.
I mean, I know people that have messed things up.
I've heard stories, but you guys are living, walking proof that a marriage is not too far
gone that it cannot be reconciled and basically reforged.
Right.
Absolutely.
With a brand new foundation and everything.
Exactly.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
But it takes two individual choices.
Yeah.
That's right.
And we sought a lot of wise counsel and read a lot of books, but you can't just go see
people and let them hand you tools.
You have to take those tools and put them to use and put them to work in order to build
the new foundation and to build a new house.
Otherwise, you're just standing there holding the tools in the same broken foundation.
So we wanted to, it's like not only to be honorable to God, but we said this upstairs
when we were eating that we didn't just say, maybe, we said, I do.
And that was forever.
We didn't say, oh, through the hard times and the good times, probably.
We said yes forever.
And we just wanted to be covenant, honorable people.
And on that, at that point, love is a choice.
Right.
It's a choice.
We either choose to love or we choose not to.
That's right.
And those that are wanting to walk away and get a divorce are choosing not to.
Yeah.
Right.
That's not in the covenant.
Sorry.
That's right.
It's not there.
Straight up, has this been easy?
No.
It's not.
Marriage, life, not easy.
No.
Yeah.
No.
But it's worth it.
Yeah.
So some practical things you asked about.
So we do always make sure to date, go on date nights.
And we didn't do that the first 10 years we were married.
So I do think that played a big role in the problems in our marriage was that we put the
kids first.
And we had our priorities out of whack, you know, and having God first, then your marriage,
and then your children.
Yeah.
You know, getting that aligned correctly.
And then taking those date nights and then on the date nights, we had to kind of do a
high five or a handshake that we were not going to talk about the children.
Because you can very easily make your whole dinner date about so and so science project
or so and so's teenage drama at school or whatever.
Right.
And miss that time together talking about vacations or things that, you know, we want
to dream together or, you know, those or just playing footsie under the table and talking
about, you know, that cute couple over there or whatever, you know, those kinds of things.
But we just always, you know, determined that we were and we didn't talk about bills.
We didn't talk about, you know, problems.
Date night was for connection.
And it was focused time to make sure that we kept that connection.
You haven't told me about bills.
What are you talking about?
Bills.
Turn up your hearing aids.
All the dads are going to be like, oh, that's a good idea.
I love that.
Do you have any practical things, any nuggets that you could give for the men aside from
shut up?
I'll tell you one that he does for me.
Yes, please do.
Every morning he brings me coffee in bed.
So when people say, Patty, where's the best coffee in Kansas City?
I'll say on my nightstand.
I love that.
I do like doing that.
I don't bring you coffee.
But most mornings we wake up at the same time.
It's true.
Or I'm out of bed before he is.
Well, I'm heading off to work and she's still laying in bed listening to her devotional
and stuff.
So I give her coffee.
I love that.
That's good.
I can't do that.
I'll fall back to sleep.
Same.
I can't go there.
I'm thinking through what other nuggets I would have right at the moment.
I love it.
We had all these great conversations while we were eating and before we turned on, before
we hit record.
We should have taken notes when we were up there.
I say that to her all the time.
We'll have hours worth of conversation and then it's like as soon as we sit down and
hear it's like and hit record and it's like, what are we talking about?
I said something really cool.
What was that great thing I said?
So one of the other things that Pastor Diana said to me, oops, I hope it was okay.
What she said, I was raised in a sarcastic house and very flippant.
And actually the pastor that gave us marriage counseling before we got married said, oh,
you have quite the silver tongue.
Oh, I thought that was a badge.
I'm like, oh, and he didn't mean it as a badge.
So this was not a spirit-filled church.
And so our spirit-filled pastor says, you react.
You don't respond from a place of the Holy Spirit.
So that was powerful for me because I realized that I allowed my emotions to control what
was going on in my household instead of the Holy Spirit.
And so it revolutionized our marriage, but then also our whole family.
Because then I was even able to say, okay, what is the Holy Spirit saying about this
situation?
What is the Holy Spirit saying?
When you're choosing every molehill, you're not listening to the Holy Spirit because the
Holy Spirit is only going to have you choose things that are dishonoring to God.
The things that don't grieve God, the Holy Spirit's not really all that concerned about
a red car or a blue car or whatever.
So that was a huge nugget for me.
And I know that with us, we say this a lot.
It's like the enemy is going to do everything he can to grab those little molehills and
wear you out.
Like this is going to like, well, what's the carpet need to be here?
Like you said, just the different things like that.
And that's what causes a contention.
It's the nitpicky, well, how do you put the toilet paper hole?
Which way does it go?
And I'm thinking, good Lord, just give me toilet paper.
I don't care.
Or even the voices of inventing your spouse's side of the conversation.
Yeah, you can't do that.
Of, oh, this is what they're really thinking.
Or when they said that, this is what they really meant.
And I know it's those kinds of things.
And again, that's where, Stuart, I love it.
Just shut up.
And when your emotions get in the way, just take a step away and then come back together
and say, this is what I heard.
Or I just want to make sure, is this what you're saying?
And so it is.
And you said sarcasm.
We actually had a conversation about, we have an episode about sarcasm because it can be
so biting and negative.
It can be.
Yeah.
And it can tear you apart quick.
Oh yeah.
Very quick.
And you always want to encourage and lift your spouse up.
Never tearing down.
Yeah.
Right.
The tearing down will, it will not only hurt your spouse, it'll hurt your marriage.
Yes, sir.
It rips everything apart.
Yeah.
It doesn't do any good.
Yeah.
And, you know, I thought about this part too, that sometimes your spouse might not get the
story right.
Right.
You might tell it and you don't remember it that way.
Yeah.
Well, sit back and think for a moment.
Does it matter?
Come on.
Right.
Yes.
Does that matter?
I don't need to correct that.
It doesn't matter.
Yeah.
So good.
Yeah.
So it's okay.
We don't, we're so quick to try to be what?
Better, more powerful, the bigger, whatever else.
No, I don't need to be.
Why?
Why would I need to be?
I don't need to do that.
Just let it be.
Yeah.
It's okay.
Nobody's getting hurt by it.
Right.
The story was wrong.
So what?
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
What does our pastor always say about, is it going to matter in eternity?
And let it be eternity.
What is it going to matter?
There you go.
Yeah.
You know.
And so many fights.
Isn't that the truth?
Yeah.
And so many fights in our marriage or whatever over things that really aren't going to, especially
when you're, like you were saying, the toilet paper, toothpaste roll, or socks by the hamper
or whatever.
It's like.
It really isn't going to matter in eternity.
No.
I mean, I know that was, I mean, that was one of those things at the beginning of our
marriage, you know, when it came to folding t-shirts.
And again, it seems like a little thing.
It's like, I didn't, for my little personal inside my brain, I like my t-shirts folded
a certain way and she didn't fold them that way.
And you know, it was one of those things that there were a couple of times where I would
refold my shirts and she's like, you know what?
I'm not going to fight about this.
Here's your t-shirts.
You fold them the way you want.
Right.
You know, it's like, it's real simple.
All right.
I'll, I'll joke with, with couples that are about to get married or thinking about marriage.
And I'm like, you know, you think, you think you know somebody and then you see how they
squeeze their toothpaste in the morning.
Right.
And so her response is just buy two tubes.
Just buy two tubes.
Yep.
That's right.
Simple.
Yeah.
Simple.
And there's so many things that it's, it really is that simple.
Right.
Instead of trying to be right, like Stuart was saying, instead of trying to be right,
you know, no, the way I squeeze the toothpaste is right.
Yeah.
Thank you for using toothpaste.
High five.
Yes.
Brush your teeth.
Thank you.
Can you go brush your teeth?
Before we make out.
That's all I'm saying.
Just don't ruin my razor.
Just buy two of everything people.
Two of everything.
I love that.
Patty has caught me several times that it always, when you have wet all over the place
by the sink and different stuff like that.
Well, Patty just, she'll rush through and just wash real quick and everything.
Water goes around the counter or whatever.
I take my towel and I dry it off if it's bothering me.
Right.
I'm like, why should I make a big deal about it?
It's not.
If it bothers me, then I should take care.
It doesn't bother her.
There you go.
Wow.
Obviously it's not a problem for her.
Why should I make this that I'm right and she's wrong?
I don't know.
Not necessarily.
It just bothered me.
I need to take care of it.
On the same note, on that same bathroom counter, it bothered him that I left my makeup.
I would hurry and get my makeup on and leave it all out on the counter.
Now I just pull the bag into the counter and sweep it all off under the sink.
That little bag there.
He doesn't care about the bag being open on the counter.
It's not a big deal.
It does look all messy and unkept.
I'm supposed to be a good steward of my bathroom counter.
I have this terrible problem that clutter just drives me.
I like things to be in order.
What is that military?
I can think so much better.
I was going to say, thanks for steward and I.
It's a touch of that military.
It's what they plant in us when we go to basic.
It's order.
Otherwise, I can't function right.
It needs to be in this order.
My brain doesn't function right.
This bothers me to a point where you say, okay, this is affecting me.
There's almost two different things going on there.
If you have, this is bothering me.
Okay, well then I'm the one that, like I told you guys my little story before, I don't like
any one of you right now.
I have the problem.
But if it's affecting me to the point where it's debilitating almost, then the person
that's closest can love me in that space and say, I'm going to help you and we're going
to get through this together.
Very good.
I'm not telling them that they're wrong.
I'm telling them, look, this is what this does to me.
Can you help me with this?
That's beautiful.
This is how this makes me feel.
We've gotten pretty good about using those.
This is how it makes me feel or this is what I need.
And then Stuart is really good about this.
So when you were asking him for practical, I wanted a little dry erase so I could hold
up.
Remember you say this?
Because he always says, so what I hear you saying is, he'll say that at the end because
I'll say 10,000 words and he needs to make sure that he-
It could have been done with 10.
He needs to just narrow it down to the probably only 100 words that I needed to say in order
to make my point.
Right.
But he always says that back so then we can end on a note of understanding.
I love that.
I try to do that sometimes, but I know mine is because I'm starting to lose my hearing
and she has an amazingly soft voice and I'm like, wait, so are you saying this?
No, that is not what I said.
Okay.
Then it just gets really fun and creative like, guess what my wife said?
Did you really say the fog goes downstairs?
No, it's raining outside.
Oh, okay.
Right.
So on our side, my hearing is the hearing that's bad.
So if I don't have my hearing aids and he has a fairly loud voice, but if I'm not facing
him and he'll say something, I'm like, are you talking to me?
You know?
Yes.
I just told you a whole story.
I'm like, oh snap.
Oh, and she's got this wonderful tendency to walk by me and while she's going the other
direction be talking to me.
And I'm going, I'm not catching any of this.
I think that might be a wife thing.
It's got to be a wife thing.
Totally.
I don't know.
Sorry guys.
I don't know what to say.
We are on a train of thought and our bodies are moving with that train.
We got too much to do.
The great thing is about it though, we get to just laugh about it.
It's just fun.
We do laugh about it.
It's hilarious.
That's it.
Aww.
I'm watching the tracks go by on the computer screen.
All the laughter.
I love that.
It's awesome.
I absolutely love that.
Do you have any other questions that you think?
I don't.
I think we did.
I think we covered it all.
I think we did.
This has been really great.
Thank you guys.
Thank you for having us.
I haven't known you guys near as long as Dina has.
From what I saw.
I feel like you have.
Truly.
I know.
But it's like when I came in the story, you guys were already on the upswing and had the
new foundation and building the new house and everything.
I guess I saw the happy years.
That's good.
But it was.
I had heard the stories and from that one seminar conference that we were all at, I
heard your guys' story and where you guys had come from and some of the junk that you
guys had before you guys even met each other or your exes.
To see you guys now and to see you guys come out the other side.
Like I said, you guys are that shining light to remind us that nothing is ever too far
gone.
That's right.
I said that, but I'm going to keep going back to it because it is.
It's that ray of hope.
I know it's been said that your testimony is somebody else's prophecy.
It's like your story, it's going to remind another couple and we're going to be able
to remind another couple.
So it is.
I love you guys.
That literally was the redemptive hand of God in the midst of this.
You guys don't even smell like smoke.
Right.
Wow.
There's really no clue that you guys have been through the fire.
So I need to go have another cigar.
Just not in my house.
Or in mine.
We love you guys.
Yeah.
We love you too.
He's so good.
He is so good.
Awesome.
So good.
Is there anything else you wanted to say?
I was thinking of something else just a minute ago.
Then you made the cigar joke.
We said this at dinner.
Yes, sir.
Why not just if you're not willing to change, if you're not willing to go through hell for
the one that you say you love.
Come on.
Then just don't say I do.
Yeah.
Don't.
Just don't.
Literally think of the worst case scenario and if you can't fathom.
If you can't handle that then don't.
Then don't.
Wow.
That's wisdom.
Patty Stewart, we love you guys.
We love you guys.
Thank you all so much for coming.
Thanks for having us.
We appreciate you all.
We love you guys.
All right guys.
Have the best day.
Enjoy the journey.