Hello and welcome to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
It's good.
How are you?
We're good.
I'm good.
We're good.
Wow.
I mean we are good.
We are good.
Yes.
We're good?
Yeah.
I don't know why all of a sudden I'm like, we're good.
How about you?
I mean we had a great evening.
Yeah.
And it is, unfortunately it's messed you up a little bit.
It's messed all of us.
And for listeners in the States, a couple, few days ago, a couple days ago, was the spring
forward time change.
It's the meanest thing.
Whatever you want to call it.
Yeah.
So it's like, I'm still trying to catch on.
What day is it?
What time is it?
It's no joke.
Yeah.
It's like when I went to Poland and back, it's like, where am I?
When am I?
Yeah, I know, right?
Yeah.
I just took seven days off of work.
I don't know what day it is.
I mean it's a real thing.
It's like, what was it?
Was it Monday?
Our son did not get out of bed until almost 10 o'clock.
Yeah.
That is absolutely unheard of.
Yeah, it is.
And-
He's usually knocking on the door at like 7 o' 5.
He's our early bird.
Yeah.
And then our girl was up with the chickens.
I'm not even sure what is happening right now.
We're in the backwards world going on or something.
We are, yeah, we're trying to figure out what day it is.
And you were so sweet to take part of the day with us today just to spend some family
time.
And our sweet guy decided he was going to-
Buy us lunch.
He was going to buy us lunch with his little gift cards that grandma and pop pop got him.
And he was something, wasn't he?
He really was.
When he handed those little gift cards to the waitress.
It was so cute.
The little chat popped up and everything.
Here you go.
It's like keep the change.
It's sweet.
Yes it is.
It's sweet.
And there's days where I'm like our children don't need to be using their money on us.
And then there's those other days I'm like-
Teach them.
You know what?
Teach them.
Yeah.
These are neat habits and skills.
And it's a good thing to bless other people.
And especially your parents.
I know that we try to do that with both sets of ours periodically and throws them a little
bit.
It does.
But at the same time it's like you know what?
You've poured into me.
Let me pour.
Let me pour something back into you.
And it is.
There's something about being a parent when knowing that your child has reached that level.
Where it's like they're not always looking for mom and dad to cover everything.
Right.
And it's not just you know they're paying for stuff because they have to.
They choose to.
I want to say the very first time I ever remember Gabriel even doing that she had to be maybe
six five or six.
I think she had like a five dollar bill.
Yeah that's awesome.
We drove through McDonald's and she goes no mom this is on me.
Yes ma'am.
I will let you buy our ice cream cones.
So just sweet.
Yeah just sweet.
All right babe so what are we talking about today?
So I know we're doing we're kind of in the vein of the Q&A.
Yeah.
Of the awesome questions that our listeners sent in.
Yeah.
But I kind of have a title for this one.
I'm excited.
How to find social balance.
Oh.
OK.
Yeah.
So social balance comes from the question that was crafted by one of our listeners.
Yes.
And the question itself was how do you find balance in an extroverted introverted marriage.
And then to follow up with will someone always be lacking energy to help the other fill up.
That's right.
This is a good question.
It was an excellent question.
And I kind of laughed about the question because I mean I know it describes a lot of friends
of ours and a lot of people that listen and it also really kind of describes us you know
because whether people believe it or not.
When I tell them this this like it's not a secret.
No it's really not.
I don't try to hide it.
Yeah.
When I tell people like we had our our marriage group right and we had our breakout sessions
last week and I'm like listen ladies my introverted husband is over there.
Yes.
And everybody looked at me like I had a third eye because you're so incredibly kind.
You're friendly and you have no problem with small talk most days.
Yeah.
My my follow up has always been because we already know my theory of an introvert.
Yeah.
An introvert really isn't an introvert if they like you enough.
It's true.
That is very true.
Because everybody's like well they're just really quiet.
Well they're an introvert.
They don't communicate much and I'm like no you guys I don't I think you're missing the
point because you actually read a study.
Yes.
On what makes it introvert or an extrovert is not based off of how much they communicate
or even what they do.
It's how the beautiful question here.
Yeah.
How they fill back up to recharge the batteries.
Yeah.
And it was and it was like it was a study or a class that I went to of how to deal with
different people because I think I took it through work.
And it was it was you know at the end of the day it's like how do you recharge.
You know do you recharge by getting around people and you know that's how you fill your
battery back up or do you like to just kind of be quiet and sit and be still.
Right.
And that's how you recharge.
You know I also heard it in another way of if you think of social interactions as a coin.
OK.
So an introvert starts their day or starts an event whatnot with a handful of coins and
every interaction they give a coin away.
An extrovert will start that day or start that event situation with zero coins.
Yeah.
And for every interaction they will get a coin.
Oh gosh babe where am I.
Like genuinely.
See I'm sitting here.
Sorry guys.
Like took a take took a second.
No seriously like all of us just take a second for just a second because I'm like I'm sitting
here like psychoanalyzing myself right now because I'm going because the reality is because
I also tell this to people I I'm kind of an introvert and my own right and you see it
you know it's like all of a sudden I'm like oh my gosh.
OK and I'm done.
Yeah I'm gonna go and I'm gonna watch a show.
I'm just gonna be still.
Yeah.
And just y'all come see me when you see me.
But then it's like if we get too many bodies in our bedroom because our children want to
come and follow.
Yes.
I'm going to go shower now just so I can be by myself.
You know.
But when I go like substitute teach and I'm hanging out with all of these kids especially
when it's a positive let's say it that way a positive interaction it fills up my cup
like I'm wired.
Yeah.
Go.
Yeah.
I'm excited because I love being around people.
Yeah.
But at the same time it's like but once my peopleings done it's like then I'm done.
Yeah.
So I don't even know how that would.
What the heck am I.
So I have I've heard the term.
Tell me.
I've seen it.
There is a term out there called ambiverts.
Is that what I would be.
Yes.
OK.
I think so.
OK.
I'm not an expert in any way shape or form.
But you're my husband and you see me on a regular.
I do.
OK.
So an ambivert is actually a hybrid.
Oh yeah.
So you're like.
I'm a hybrid.
So it's like you know carnivore versus herbivore.
Yes.
And the omnivore is that does both.
Babe and that's me.
Yeah.
Even in my food.
Right.
Yes.
And you're you're.
I mean I like I said I have not completely read a whole lot about that.
Yeah.
But yeah there is a term ambivert.
Ampivert.
I love this.
And they are basically part introvert part extrovert.
People listen when I tell you that my husband's Google I'm not playing with you.
This is fantastic.
Yeah.
No that's so good.
Because also like not just you subbing but at times where you go and you have your breakfast
with your ladies.
Yeah.
With my besties.
And you come back from that like charged up ready to take on the world.
Yes.
I mean I know part of it is you all build each other up.
True.
But it's we've figured out.
But it is.
Yes.
Yeah.
But it is.
It's like it's those interactions that build you up and recharge your battery.
I love that.
So it is.
It's it's like at different times it's like I see where you do get charged up or it's
like maybe not charged up in a quiet manner but it's just I think sometimes is that when
you get charged up in a quiet manner you're you're just like tired from the day.
Yeah.
I've I've I've given out a lot of coins.
Yeah.
And maybe that's what it is.
It's like I've given out all the coins that I've started with.
Yeah.
But the the extra version of me is like have I have it had have I've gotten enough.
Did I reciprocate.
Right.
As as much as.
Yeah.
As did I get as much in as I did given out.
Which is always that difficult space because especially when we're kingdom minded people
and when we are saying hey I want to serve people I want to do whatever I need to do
for people then it's like OK God I need to be all things for all people so that way I
can I can help.
Yeah.
Them.
Right.
In whatever capacity that looks like.
Yeah.
I love that.
And then you throw that in there and it's like and it just wrecks your whole.
Right.
Because then you also throw in the whole you know with especially in the kingdom of God
you know as much as we get poured into.
Yeah.
From other people from the word of God.
Yeah.
From the Holy Spirit.
Yeah.
If we're not pouring that out what's in us can go rancid.
That's it.
Go stagnant quick.
Yeah.
Quick.
Yeah.
OK.
So I want to know what your thoughts are then.
So how do you find balance in an extroverted introverted marriage.
OK.
Let's.
You were going to say something.
I was.
I kind of before we get into this.
Yeah.
I know part of this is and we've got some awesome friends at church.
One of our pastors is actually a certified counselor.
And and outside of church and you know in the in the corporate world in college you
know there anywhere you look there's there's personality tests.
There's a personality quiz.
There's the test.
There's.
Yeah.
You know they come by all different names.
They use letters.
They use numbers.
And you know I know people use these and you know it's it's more than just introvert extrovert.
It's you know that the you know the type A personalities and the organized and the disciplined
and the free spirits and whatever is.
And I know that there are some people that they latch on to these.
They find out who you know quote unquote who they are.
Yeah.
And they do tests and and sometimes people just that all of a sudden is their definition
till they die.
Right.
You know I know the other day we were talking about this and how some people like just latch
on to these.
And and it's like the way you were talking about it.
It made me think of some of the people that are like hardcore into astrology.
Oh you know.
You said that after I was telling you what was going on and I went.
Oh yeah.
That's legit.
You know because again it's like well this is my this is my personality according to
this test.
You know it's like it sounds just the same way of well I'm a Scorpio.
That's how I'm at.
And I get along with other.
Right.
I can't get along.
Yeah.
And you're like I can't get along with this sign because I'm that sign.
And you're like wow.
Yeah really.
And so yeah.
So that's why.
So I want to kind of start off with you know some of these are some of these tests and
quizzes and stuff like that they can be very helpful.
Yes.
So they.
Strength.
You said strength.
Yeah.
Because there's one out there that's a strength finder.
Yeah.
But some of these can be really good.
And and they can give you if you don't really know who you are or where you're at in life
they can give you a good idea.
Yeah.
But I think people need to remember that that's all it is.
It's a good idea.
Yeah.
And it's a snapshot of where you are at that one moment in time.
Correct.
You know this isn't you're defining this isn't your definition this isn't your identity for
the rest of your life.
So good.
And especially when you're in the kingdom of God and filled with the Holy Spirit because
we all know that God can change us and change our DNA.
Restructure us from the inside out.
Yeah.
And so I that's that's kind of my yes they can be helpful but this is also my word of
warning.
Yeah.
We are Christian and and we can change and we can overcome.
Right.
This test does not define us.
Right.
That being said you know how do you deal with that because again I'll look at us.
Yeah.
You know for the most part you're an extrovert.
Yeah.
For the most part I'm an introvert.
Right.
And and how do we do that you know and and I think I think part of it you know I mean
we we are a communication podcast.
So you know the big thing comes down to communication.
I heard I heard something really good the other day.
Don't so much search for compromise search for negotiation.
Don't try to look for your way versus my way but try to look for the Holy Spirit's way.
Yes.
And then the two of you meet up or get close to that.
Shoot babe just drop the mic.
I don't want to I don't want to buy a new one.
It's true.
No that's good.
Yeah.
No like legit.
No because at that point it's no longer your will.
It's no longer their will.
Yeah.
It's okay father what do you want to do.
And I kind of go back to that a lot with you and I because periodically when we hear stories
or we know that friends are going through certain things or even just life we like we'll
just we'll catch wind of like something going on with somebody's relationship.
And I will stand back and I'll look at you from time to time and guys please hear my
heart here when I say this I'm not trying to like pat us so much on the back here but
there are those days where I'm like how is it that you and I literally have like we've
bypassed so many landmines that I see some of our marrieds struggling with some of the
friends that have relationships that they're struggling with.
I'm like what the heck.
This genuinely should not be this hard.
I don't even understand why is this even an issue today.
And I I remember like when I'm saying this to you I flashed literally I'm laying on my
back on the prayer floor.
I'm just sobbing.
You sit down at the chair next to me.
Do you remember this and you hand me tissue and I looked at you and I said I am so sorry.
I'm just so sorry.
And it's like you're like looking at me like why I'm so sorry for all of this stuff that
I have brought into this.
And now I'm just I'm laying it down.
I refuse to have my way.
I refuse to not that I'm saying you get to have your way talking to you Luke wands.
I'm saying Father you get your way however you want to do it.
You start with me.
And that's some of the things that we've talked about as far as with our marriage separate.
I know just what it what are you doing.
What are you bringing to the table.
How are you interacting with this.
And so I would say number one like that when you're talking about extrovert introvert Holy
Spirit how do you want to recharge me.
Because when I read this question immediately I went oh you're looking to the other person
to fill up your cup.
That's not their job.
No especially if there's somebody that is a completely different personality of that
sort.
They're not your Holy Spirit.
They're not your salvation.
They're your ride or die.
They're your counterpart.
There's times where I'll just sit next.
I'll just come in.
I'll sit down.
It's like I just you know like especially down here in your office you're working on
something and you'll let you turn around.
Babe do you need anything.
I just I just want to sit with you.
I need to recharge my batteries but I'm not trying to drain yours.
Just being in this space with you helps me fill a life right.
But it's but it's not so taxing on you that you're going now I have to entertain my wife
and I need to make sure that everything's fine and I need to fill up her love cup and
we need to figure out what's going on with her what's going on with her.
How do I fix this.
And then it's completely drains you.
And so I would say number one when it comes to extrovert introvert relationships.
Okay we're talking about marriage but relationships even people that you're around because I've
got some friends that are this extremes that are some of my ride or die besties right.
And I have to say oh I don't need to look to you to fill up my cup in this space.
I need to just bring the absolute best that I can.
That's going to help you become the absolute best that you can.
And however that looks whether it's like Thursday I have a I have a brunch date with some of
my buds and we're going to grab our laptops.
We probably will talk but there's a good chance that we'll be like sitting and just typing.
But we're in each other's presence just filling each other's I don't want to say energy but
just just feeding off of each other's like man or encouraging that iron sharpen iron
whatever it is that you need.
So I would say for us that's the extrovert in me.
Okay so I'm talking to my extroverts.
The extrovert in me if you have somebody that's an introvert in your life whether it's you're
married to them or whether it's one of your buds.
I would say make sure you're not looking to them to fill up your cup.
Find other ways.
Find other avenues.
Find other outlets.
Figure out what that takes.
Do you need to go to a gym.
Do you need to be around people.
Do you need to go plug something into your headset and just like jam out.
What do you need to do because these are genuinely things that I do.
So let me let me give examples of what I do.
I you and you are in the house when this usually happens.
It's in our big storage and like I'll plug some music in my ears.
I'll start singing at the top of my lungs.
It's usually worship or something really hard because I'm pushing through whatever I need
to push through and I'm slamming a medicine ball and that fills up my cup somehow.
That does something for me.
I may not be around a lot of people but all of a sudden the spirit of God has entered
into the room.
I'm no longer feeling like I'm by myself.
I would also say go for a walk.
Go for a walk in the mall.
Go for a go do some shopping.
If you're if you're introvert doesn't want to go with you.
Go find somebody that wants to go shop with you.
Go hang out with you.
Spend some time with you.
I realize you're my best friend.
Right.
So you're my best friend.
I want to spend as much time as I possibly can with you.
I am incredibly grateful for our our work schedules.
Most of the time if I'm missing your face I just come down the stairs.
I see you.
Sometimes we've got our friends that are in the marriages that they've been gone all day
long.
They need to they want to spend time with each other but one doesn't have it in them.
The other one does.
And it's like figure out what you need to do to fill up that space.
Or if you're the introvert figure out what you need to do to fill up your battery so
you can pour out to your extrovert spouse.
You know do what do what you need for you.
You and God work it out first and then follow his lead and know that everybody's cup is
going to get filled somehow.
Yeah.
And I was also going to say that you know as far as you know when you're when you're
trying to figure this out and you know you have a you have a good idea of what what side
of this coin that you personally fall on and you have a good idea as far as where your
your spouse partner boyfriend girlfriend fiance whatever best friend falls on.
You know it is this is where those those conversations need to come in of you know and that's kind
of earlier when I said you know the compromise versus negotiation of you know this is where
you need to have those conversations of you know this this is important to me or this
is this is important to you.
And I know that this might not be your best but you know in a way it's like it's like
I don't want to say you know in a way put your foot down and say no you're doing this
with me.
Yeah.
And at times you almost do you know because I'll call myself out you know when it comes
time to for gatherings and stuff I'm not a huge fan but I know you love to go and you
know you you want me to accompany you to a lot of this stuff and even though I don't
want to and even though I'm ready to leave.
I want you to be my wedding date.
Within five minutes of showing up to the parking lot.
You know I do that for you.
You know and I don't do it to say look at what I'm doing you know I'm going I'm doing
this for my wife you know and I'm not doing it for you know you're you'll owe me.
Right.
Eww.
Yeah and I'm you know it's but it is it's find what is important to your person.
You know and when you find what's important to your person that's that's going to that's
going to solve a lot of these questions and a lot of these issues because and I know and
I know it can be hard and I know it's not always easy.
You know because it is it's you know because some of this you know because because I know
like I said I know me you know I have a good idea about some people around me but I know
me some of my introvert tendencies come from the fact that I also deal with anxiety at
times.
Right.
And so sometimes that comes out and and sometimes you know and then again sometimes that's you
know that is social induced you know it's like there's too many people around here and
I'm about to freak out.
Yeah.
You know but there have been times you know it's so funny in my mind I'm like oh where's
an example.
It's like there's a lot of weddings we go to and I'm like you know but again it's like
I know there have been times where you know we're at a wedding for for a couple that is
near and dear to our family.
You know they're basically family.
And I was I was about to freak out and have a breakdown.
You were outside a lot.
I was.
And it was like I would you know once in a while I would check on you or you would come
check on me.
And it's like you know I'm OK.
I'm here but that's a little too intense for me right now.
Right.
You know so again so sometimes it's it's sometimes it's that back and forth and sometimes it's
that you know hey can you take five ten minutes go get a breath of fresh air.
Yeah.
Or kind of like you know take take a walk you know for a second and and you know kind
of in a way you know get get that temporary recharge you know just just for another little
bit.
Yes.
And again it's sometimes it's sometimes it is that easy.
But I know that navigating this topic especially is like newlyweds and you're trying to figure
stuff out because you know when you when you're dating courting and or you're engaged you
know sometimes it's sometimes the curtain doesn't go all the way back.
You know and great and not not that you're trying to hide.
There's just some you know it's just there's.
Sometimes some or some situations that just don't come up.
Yeah.
Until you're married.
That's it.
You know and and it is it's and so I would I'd say you know this is where you get to
have all of these conversations once you get married and you know find I would highly
encourage for a lot of this for a lot of what we talk about and a lot of the questions that
come in you know.
Yes we we are we we do our best to be a weekly podcast.
But go go find you know pastors or go find some some some good solid people around you
and maybe reach out and say you know hey we're can can we have a conversation with you guys
you know or or can we you know we want to have this conversation but we we might need
like a ref.
Yeah.
You know.
Or a podcast.
Yeah.
Or you know somebody to just kind of make sure that we stay on track and we stay on
topic.
Yeah.
You know I've I've heard I've heard stuff out there that that there are people that do that
and it's like I love it I love it.
It's a great idea because it does it is it encourages couples to talk to each other without
one person dominating the conversation or one person completely shutting down and just
saying yes dear that's fine.
Yeah.
But because growth doesn't necessarily happen that way you know as we've said growth happens
when you're uncomfortable.
Yes.
You know it's not always fun to grow but it's necessary.
And so I would I would encourage you know have these conversations and and put everything
out on the table.
You know and it's just like I said try to try to figure out where you are try to figure
out where your spouse is or your fiance what not.
And do your best to have these conversations and say OK what's important to you.
Right.
What's important to me.
How do you recharge.
How do I recharge.
How can I how can I put coins in your bank or how can you spend coins that you need to.
Yeah.
You know because it is those are those are the important things and it's.
Like I said whether you're an introvert extrovert these these things matter of how you know
at the end of your day how do you what do you need to do so that you don't just come
home and crash or so that you just come home and explode.
Right.
And again I love that you said it.
It's not it's not my job to fill you up.
No no.
And I'm glad you brought that up again because I do.
I want that to be very much heard.
And when I started saying like you're my best friend right.
I want to spend time with you.
I want to be around you all the time.
I married you for a reason.
I like you.
Right.
I like I genuinely like spending time with you.
Yeah.
And when I mean I could almost feel the pushback a little bit when I said well figure out if
you need to go figure out somewhere else or somebody else to hang out with.
But no Dina you don't understand like I want to hang out with my spouse.
No I totally get it.
No no.
Trust me when I say I get it.
I get it.
But there's going to be times.
There's going to be times.
And maybe that's again like you said those conversations.
Listen I don't mind going and doing this by myself or I don't mind going and hanging out
with my girlfriends.
Yeah.
Or if you need to or if even if the husband is the extrovert.
Hey I don't mind going and shooting like you go shoot go shoot with the fellas right.
But it's one of those things where it's like but I need you to come back to me.
And that time with me needs to be spent.
And we need to figure out some sort of way to where we both have our cups so full that
we can pour them out onto each other somehow.
And I think that that that comes with time.
That comes with communication.
That time that comes with being real.
That comes with dying to yourself.
Do not be selfish in this.
Both of you.
Yeah.
OK.
Both of you.
So if our introverts and extroverts are both listening both of you do not put don't pigeon
hold yourself into a space either.
I love that you brought that out too.
If you are a Christian if you live in the kingdom of God if the spirit of God that raised
Christ from the dead literally lives inside of you.
It literally lived it raised him from the dead brought him to life.
That means alive.
Yeah.
When you're being you're interacting stuff is happening.
That means that you have absolutely you might have strengths you might have stuff that you
gravitate to.
But ultimately dead people don't have opinions.
You died to yourself back when you gave your life to Christ.
Instead I'll serve you.
I'll do whatever that looks like.
God I'll do whatever you tell me to do.
Because ultimately it's got to go outside of your personality.
It's got to go.
It's not about you.
It's about the other people around you.
It's about pouring out to the other people around you.
If your spouse needs you to shut your freaking mouth shut your mouth.
If your spouse needs you to take them and hug them and then go be as loud and obnoxious
as possible with them.
Go do it.
Do whatever needs to happen in that moment.
If you guys feel like you have to.
OK it's my turn.
If you have to take turns for a season if you feel like you have to do that for however
long then do that.
But don't don't don't stop or don't get frustrated and mad if one doesn't and the other one does
or vice versa.
Or also don't put off starting.
Yeah.
Until you both feel it.
Yeah don't do that.
Yeah.
Because guess what.
When you're in the middle of starting something nine out of ten times that's where your charge
comes from.
Yeah.
Whether you're the introvert or the extrovert.
There's plenty of times where you're like I don't really want to go.
And I've looked at your face and I'm like but you know what me and the kids really just
we we want you.
We don't just need you we want you.
And you've shown up and you've had the best time.
And then there's been other times where not so much.
And we're like the little the little dinosaur reel that you send me periodically.
Do you want to go to a party with me.
No.
Do you want to go stand awkwardly in a corner with me and just be quiet and watch everybody.
Yes.
See what I'm saying.
Everybody gets to everybody gets to have what they get.
Yeah.
And I guarantee your introvert or your extrovert is going to find something to fill them up.
Oh yeah.
Whether it's they go take a walk and they go get quiet for a second or they find their
friend they're going to talk about soccer with.
Yes.
Because that's something that calms them.
And fills them at the same time.
Yeah.
So it's like it's going to it's just kind of take time.
Yeah.
I think that's the bottom line of it.
It's going to take time.
It's you guys are learning each other in a way.
It's kind of like some of the questions we and stuff we talk about when when it comes
to intimacy.
Yeah.
You know it's when you're new at this it's going to there's going to be a lot of fumbling
in the dark.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
But but you're going to find your way.
Oh yeah.
And what is good for one day may not be good for the other.
It's just kind of like we've talked about before.
Last year or in season or in season if it works in this season it might not work in
next season.
That's it.
And that's why you get to you get to.
I love this because I was talking to a friend of mine and she said I absolutely love the
one lyric the journey song.
It says I get to rediscover you.
Yeah.
I always get to rediscover you.
Every day I get to rediscover you.
And it's not saying that you are unstable.
It's not saying that you don't have a foundation.
It just means that you know what today today I may not be hitting on every cylinder but
the fact is that you get to rediscover me in a space like when you have had those moments
of I'm not OK.
Yeah.
I'm not OK.
Yeah.
I get to rediscover a way I'll say for me because it's like I know now what I'm looking
at.
I know what I'm I'm walking into and I get to rediscover how I get to respond to you
in that way too.
It's not just rediscover you and what's going on with you but rediscover a muscle inside
of me.
Yeah.
I get to be softer in that moment.
I get to be patient.
I get to be more you OK.
Right.
OK.
All right.
We're all right.
Here we go.
Yeah.
You know and the same for you and those moments where I'm like I don't like not one person
in this room.
We need to leave now.
Yep.
You know.
And so be patient.
Be patient in the process.
Yeah.
Be patient in the process.
Encourage your spouse encourage your son if another your bestie whoever encourage them.
Hey can we just I want to learn how to better communicate with you.
Yeah.
I want to learn better how to engage in these moments with you to maybe even be able to
read your cues a little bit better not just like you just grab me and you say I'm done.
I don't want to be here anymore.
But maybe can we can we come into a compromise of you see that I'm literally engaged in this
conversation and now you're wanting to leave.
But my cup isn't going to get full.
I mean I see it.
I understand it.
Yeah.
I know what they're asking.
But a lot of it is going to be it's going to be trial and error.
It's going to be you're going to need to find another way.
Yeah.
Not just through your person in those times when you're together.
There's going to be times or you're just going to have to say I need to recharge and I got
to be able to do it with me and God in whatever capacity he tells me to.
Yeah.
It's good.
I like it.
Yeah.
So hopefully that answered.
I hope so.
The question.
Yes.
I'm going to guess that that answered the question because again these are the ways
that we've done it over the 10 plus years we've been together.
Yeah.
We've nine out of 10 times.
It's usually we're bowing down to our own will in our own way and how we want to do
it.
And we ultimately say OK Holy Spirit would you like us to go to this party.
Would you like us to stay home.
Would you like us to.
You know what I mean.
It seems it seems almost too simple but that's literally where it is.
Yeah.
Especially when you are dealing with two totally different people you're dealing with spirit
beings though you're dealing with spirit beings.
You're dealing with people that are saying I am literally we're one person at this point
to become one.
Holy Spirit you get the final say here.
That's right.
All right guys.
Have the best week.
Enjoy the journey.