Hello and welcome to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na.
Hi.
Hey babe.
How's it going?
It's good.
How are you?
I'm good.
We were doing a cheer before we got on.
You were doing a cheer.
I mean, yes, I started it, but you went through with the hand motions.
You were about to do a cardio.
Oh no, I was like, ready?
You were like, I go.
Okay.
I didn't clap because you were about to hit record.
I was waiting for you to just go through the routine.
Okay.
One day, one day we're going to get cameras in here.
We promise.
This will really entertain a whole lot of people.
Maybe during like summer.
We'll figure something out.
Yes.
When we have time.
Yes.
When we have all sorts of extra time.
Yeah.
That amazing boy of ours and even our beautiful girl, we've got a list.
We do have a list.
We're working on a list.
We've got some summer situations and activities that they want to pursue.
She's got some running around to do, but he wants to do some running around tonight.
He made a point of looking at her and saying, we will be doing things.
And she's like, got it mom, got it.
So I appreciate that.
I appreciate that our family likes each other, that they enjoy time with each other.
Yes.
Kittos are watching a movie together right now.
Having their own little dinner.
Yes.
Drinking their little Mexican soda.
Yes.
Stuff.
Jarritos.
That's not a plug.
Nope.
Man.
Could you imagine how much money we would make by just some of the stuff that we say
randomly?
Well, it's like, I mean, rabbit trail.
I mean, how much do people make on other stuff?
Because like I've seen some podcasts that where they have videos for their podcast.
Yeah.
And it's like, they'll put on like a show.
And it's like, I've seen them midway.
Somebody off camera, like crew, will cover up the label on a water bottle, but yet other
beverages do not get covered up.
So it's like, so it is, it's, I mean, seriously, it's one of those things.
It's like, does product A sponsor you or give you some money to say, hey, I drink this.
I drink this energy drink, so therefore, but yet, but what's really funny is like the water
bottles that they cover up the labels.
You can see what the water bottle is.
It's such a unique shape and size of water bottle.
It's like, you're not, you're not hiding it.
We all know what it, we all know what that is.
It's smart water.
No, it's not smart water.
Oh, what is it?
Fiji.
Cause everybody knows the square.
Yeah.
This it's the square water bottle.
It's like everybody knows what that is.
Yeah.
So you're not hiding it.
You know, it'd almost be easier to just buy like plain white or plain clear glass bottles
and rinse them out and wash them after every guest.
And it's like here, it's a plain boring water bottle.
Right.
But then you wouldn't get your plug.
Well, I mean, you could put your own branding on it, but yeah.
Yes.
No, that's good.
That's good.
I don't know what it got us on that tangent.
Sorry.
Sponsors.
That was it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Cause our kids like each other.
I'm sorry guys.
This is what happens.
Welcome to our world.
It has been a really big weekend.
Yes.
And then I am down to two days left of school.
Sebastian is moving towards four.
Yeah.
And.
He's got four days left of school.
And then.
Gabri's done with college for this semester.
She is done with college.
Yep.
She has successfully made it through the first year.
Yeah.
And then I successfully made it through.
Maybe we still have tomorrow.
Tomorrow people.
But.
So you just have one, not two.
Well, yeah.
That's.
Yeah.
Yep.
See, it's been a day.
It's been a day.
It's been a good day.
But it is been a very, it's been a very filling weekend, I think.
Cause even you looked at me and said.
Yeah.
I just want a weekend where we can just be us.
Number one, it's been just, this is what happens at the end of the year.
Yeah.
As far as school year, I should say.
Yeah.
And roughly around May.
Mm.
Because May is Mom's Month.
That's what Gabri always says and it's true.
But tongue in cheek, it's, you know, we do, we have the anniversary and then we have Mother's
Day which that in itself is just, it can drain you.
Yes.
And then not in a bad way.
I don't mean disrespectfully.
No.
But there's a lot of energy.
There's a lot of energy expended.
Yes.
As far as just all that time.
And then, and then we've got, you know, the end of the school year happening.
Yep.
Wrapping stuff up, getting things done, preparing for summer vacations possibly coming up, things
of that nature.
We've been invited to graduations.
We, I got, aw.
Yeah.
I got to do graduation with my kids.
You did.
From my first semester at high school.
Yeah.
Man.
Guys, listen.
Let me just, see, let me just take a moment.
Yeah.
I was gifted, literally, yeah, it was a gift.
Yeah, it was.
I was gifted, I need the tissue already.
I was gifted by the administration to be, it's okay baby, I'll get it, to walk with
the other teachers in administration.
And actually be part of the ceremony.
Onto the field and be part of the ceremony.
And so when the kids went through, like they call it the tunnel, you know, we got half
of us on one side, half of us on the other, and we're cheering and hooping and hollering
and yelling out names and just, you know, and just making them feel absolutely loved.
And I mean, I just, I just pretty much cry.
I started crying at the beginning whenever I had, like I had a couple of my seniors ask
specifically, directly, are you coming?
And then the moment they saw me, it just, it was like all over, you know.
And then being able to yell out and hug necks and see different ones that, you know, knowingly
that I helped get them where they needed to be.
Because, you know, a lot of some of those seniors were in my gym class or some of them
were in my health class and just, and then being in the hallways with them and then these
other classrooms.
And it's, it's just, it was just really heartwarming and it was really neat to kind of just finish
that off.
And then the beautiful thing, and you saw it today, like I had sent out a couple of
emails and just some messages to different teachers and different people.
But the beautiful thing, here's my one little nugget, and then we'll start talking about
what we're going to talk about, was thanking different ones for letting me come up to the
table and sit with them, so to speak.
Basically these teachers, these people that have put in this time, this energy, the schooling,
the different things, knowing that I don't have the similar background, I don't have
the similar training, but I love deep, I love hard.
We know that that's, I've mastered the hugs and I've mastered different, seeing people
and having different teachers and just basically telling them thank you so much for seeing
me as a peer and as somebody that actually has something to bring, as opposed to just
to fill in and just, I'm just buying some time or something.
And so it was really sweet to see, it's been sweet to see the kids write in my yearbook,
I got a yearbook, so they can write their names and write messages for me.
And then also been really sweet to see the teachers respond in the way that they are,
asking me come back.
Do I, figure out a way to get back in girl, kind of situation.
And it's been, this is one of those things where I just stand back and I say, okay, father,
what would you like to do?
Because even today talking to you and telling you about my day and how God literally would
just, he literally set certain times aside, specifically one-on-one with different students
and just different teachers and people, very strategic, intentional time.
And these are things that I've been asking for and he's been so gracious to gift me
to me.
Even though in my mind it's more of a, I want to show you Jesus, I want to show you the
love of God.
And so it's been neat.
So I said all that to say, even though it's been just really, it's draining, it's been
a good drain.
A good high and a good drain.
And then, I mean, not to sound overly selfish, but on top of all that, I've been going through
my roller coaster of recovery.
I mean, and that in itself has been hard.
That in itself has been kind of draining.
Yeah.
And then we saw one of Gabri's, one of our sweet ones, but one of Gabri's best friends
since they were diapers.
He got to graduate yesterday too.
And so, yeah.
And then that was about the time that you tapped out and said, okay, all right, yay,
I'm going home.
Congrats, I'm going home.
Yeah.
And it has been.
And so we're ready for life to not get back to normal because it never gets back to normal
around here.
No.
But just we're ready for your full recovery.
Yes.
And we're ready for some good things because we've got some plans.
We've got some plans for our health.
We've got some plans for our family.
We've got some plans just for the future.
And we're just going to see what God's got.
It's going to be good.
It will.
It's going to be good.
Okay, baby.
So I don't know what I'm calling this.
And it's okay.
Because every now and then I do.
I try to, it's almost like I get wrapped up and like I have to have a title.
I have to have a title.
And it's like, and then I almost remind myself of what I told myself and you what, a year
and a half ago or ish, whatever.
Yeah.
However long we've been doing this.
Yeah.
And I've started the just start, start, you know, the whole lesson of start before you're
ready.
Just hit record.
Just hit record and we'll just start talking.
Okay.
You know, but it is.
So it's like, I, it's like, I try to, it's like, I almost, my body brain wants to, my
brain wants to hyper focus on you have to have this prepared.
I got nothing.
Yeah.
So I've got ideas.
We've got good thoughts.
We've got thoughts.
Yeah.
We know where we're going.
Yeah.
And it's like, I almost want to just, it's like the idea of this came from, so I'll kind
of give the background and also kind of give my thoughts as we start this, you know, without
giving it a title, but it's like my thoughts of this came from, it kind of came from a
lot of different places.
And mostly more recently it came from yes, my, you know, recovering from, from my procedure,
my surgery, you know, and, and, and healing from that, but it's also, you know, this isn't
the first surgery that I've had while we've been married.
You know, I've had a knee operated on, I've had a shoulder operated on.
I, I, you know, so, so I've had a heavy metal poisoning.
I've had, you know, just other physical things that have kind of knocked me out and slowed
me down.
Yeah.
I've also had, you know, like the, the mental emotional stuff, you know, with the PTSD,
the anxiety, the depression, you know, so it's like these things that have like, I'll
say tripped me up at times, you know, and, and tried to pull me back.
And you know, as, as a, as a man, as a father, as a husband, you know, you, you always almost
want to draw that line of, you know, yeah, I was, I was raised in that, you know, just
rub some dirt on it.
Boys don't cry.
You know, just suck it up and be a man, you know, type thing.
And it's like, but then you get into the kingdom of God and you, you learn what it's like to
be, you know, what does it mean to be a man of God?
And what does it mean to live kingdom principles?
And a lot of that mind that a lot of those mindsets and those, those, you know, those,
those sayings, you know, kind of to a degree fall away.
It's like you still hold on to them because you're still a man.
But as, as you go this walk, you kind of shift them.
And so that's where a lot of this started.
And so it was really, you know, I kind of had this thought yesterday and I texted it
to you before I lost it.
And so it's like, this is, this is what I want to talk about.
So it's kind of, so it's men find a godly woman that you can be vulnerable and not strong
around without her making you feel weak because that's important.
And I know you do that for me because I can say, and I'm not the best at it.
I don't always share when I'm not feeling strong or when I'm feeling vulnerable, but
I know at the times that I do, I know I can come at you and you're not going to use that
as ammo to take me down.
You're not going to try to exploit that.
You're not going to try to manipulate that, you know?
And it's, so it's, you know, I can, I can come to you and say, I'm not strong or I can
be vulnerable in front of you or to you and you help cover me.
You help strengthen me.
You help encourage me.
You do that for me so that when we do leave the house or when we do leave our bedroom,
I can be strong.
Yeah.
You know, and that's what, that's what we get to be for each other.
And so then to follow that, I, I, you know, as far as, you know, men find a godly woman,
you know, I want to then look at and say, women understand that your godly man will
not always be able to shoulder every burden.
He will struggle at times, you know, as, as much as much as men, husbands, fathers, as
much as we act like we're special forces, special ops, soldiers, superheroes.
I saw Toy Story with the little green men coming down.
Yes.
And they were like, go, go, go, go.
Sorry, you could tell we're Pixar Disney fam.
And that's okay.
It's okay.
You know, but as much as, as much as we try to take that stance, you know, the, the ones
closest to us know that, that there are cracks in our armor.
Yeah.
But also the ones closest to us, like I said, don't exploit those cracks.
Correct.
You know, they, they do their best to, to cover them up, to help repair them.
You know, again, I was told years ago before we got married, you know, the, the husband
is is the, the protective dome over the home, you know, and, and so whatever kind of missiles,
cannon fires, arrows, slings, you know, whatever comes at the home, you know, it's the husband
as that shield to that protector to take those hits.
Yeah.
You know?
And so it's like, we can take those hits every now and then it's, it's, it's good to recoup
from that and, and to, to kind of refresh.
And I know that's what a lot of times it's almost like, I feel, I'm going to go out and
say it, I feel almost like that's a, one of the roles of a wife is to be there to kind
of like give, give that, like that break to her husband without having to step up on the
wall.
Okay.
So do you want to see?
Yeah.
Okay.
Cause you know, again, visual, I see all the visuals.
Okay.
So the first thing that you had said was covering you.
And as you were saying, as far as covering you, I literally like not even three, four
seconds before that had like this huge full metal jacket kind of thing.
And then covering it over you as you're laying in a fetal position, trying to get okay.
Right.
And I'm just like over you, like just like, again, this is where we need video.
I'm like literally just hovering over you, making sure you're okay.
The other thing that I know that I remember when we talked about that, as far as the dome
and different things like that, the revelation that I'd had once upon a time was like, you
are this umbrella, right?
You're helping shield us basically from storms and the things, the fiery darts, all of the
things.
Yeah.
But I am ultimately the thing that pops that umbrella up and I get to be your support system.
I get to be the one that helps kind of keep you like almost like, baby, you got this,
you got this.
I got you.
You know, you got me, I got you.
It's fine.
Yeah.
But ultimately I think, and I hear everything that you say and I absolutely agree with you.
I think the number one thing that I want to bring as the wife to the table, and you already
know this, but I'm going to say this for the guys.
Gentlemen, you cannot be your wife's Holy Spirit.
You cannot be her salvation.
You cannot be your family's salvation.
That's not your job.
Your job is ultimately because here's the beautiful thing.
Baby, when you are weak, he becomes strong in you.
The Holy Spirit becomes strong.
God becomes strong in you and those weaknesses.
And it doesn't mean that like all of a sudden you get like this super amount of strength.
Yes, there are those times where you will have supernatural wisdom.
You'll have supernatural stamina to just, I'm going to keep going.
Let's go.
We got this.
It's going to be all right.
Or you have that almost that surge of adrenaline.
Like somebody's got to be okay here.
Kid literally, it was broken, blah, blah, blah.
All of this stuff.
All this hell is breaking loose.
Somebody's got to stay calm.
But then eventually somebody gets to collapse and you get to collapse into the arms of Jesus.
You get to collapse into the one that can only restore you.
He's the one that ultimately can give you what it is that you need.
And it's like, I think too many times what happens is when we see men, husbands in disrepair
is when they, I'm going to just be bold like you are.
Is when they refuse to drop their guard and drop to their knees and surrender it all to
God.
It's true.
And I think it's one of those things where that's when you see the husband's having
heart attacks or strokes or ulcers or all of this.
Like they start having these things and they're taking on things that they should be carrying
to the cross and leaving there.
Yes.
And I'm saying that we don't battle it, but I think that as a mom, as a wife, there's
those days where remember how I told you however many weeks ago when he's literally the Holy
Spirit's dealing with me saying you're dealing with false expectation.
Us as parents, men as husbands and fathers, we can have that false expectation of what
we think that even supposed to look like where the Holy Spirit is going to direct us and
say, all right, Luke, that's not what you're supposed to be picking up right now.
Let Dina deal with that.
Let me deal with Dina.
Let me deal with Gabri and Sebastian.
You trust me to do what needs to be done because I know that me as a mom, I had to lay on the
floor and just say, God, I release my expectations of how I think something needs to go or what
this needs to look like.
And when we becomes weak, so let me go back to what your original thing is.
When we become weak, when you as a father become weak, I remember actually talking to
one of our sweet brothers at church about this.
I said, you don't have to be everything.
It's not your job.
And when you become weak and you cry out to God and you get what you need in that moment,
it teaches those children.
It teaches that wife.
It leads by example.
I'll just run to dad.
No, dad's not always going to be there.
Baby, you're not always going to be there.
And I'm not saying that you're leaving me.
But there's those days where it's like, I need you, but I can't reach you.
You can't get to me.
Only God can get to me in that moment.
And I've got to know how to cry out.
And the best way that I know how to cry out is those kids learn it from you.
They learn it from me.
They learn it from the example that we as mom and dad, as the umbrella, as you as the
dome, as the head, they learn how to cry out to God to get their source.
He's the one that we get to run to.
He's our help.
He's our strong tower.
And I think that that right there is what makes it easy, I'll say for me as wife, when
I see you in those moments, those are the days where I, wives, okay, listen, get to,
like I said, cover you.
Yes.
But ultimately, even if I just hold you, or if I just speak the goodness of God over you,
or I show to say every demonic thing right now in the name of Jesus, you need to bow
your knee and you need to back up.
Yeah.
Warfare, whatever it is, whatever it looks like, we as the people of God need to step
into those roles and say, I'm in a partnership with you.
I'm in a covenant with you.
We're a partnership in a covenant with God.
Yes.
Okay, father, what do you want to do?
How do you want to handle this?
My husband right now, he is not okay.
He's not okay.
But you know what?
Where he's weak, father, you are strong and I thank you that you're going to become even
greater in this moment for him.
Yeah.
And I know you said it about husbands and I'll kind of repeat it, but for wives is wives
aren't the Holy Spirit and savior of their kids or their husbands.
No, they're not.
You know?
I tried, dang it.
Yeah, you did.
You did.
And God had a stern talking to you about it.
He did.
That's when he laid me out.
But I'll also say, you know, because we are, we're talking about the, you know, the not
being strong and being vulnerable.
And I know I've talked about this before and I've tried to share it with other people,
but it's like, you know, there are a lot of people out there that think that being vulnerable
and this is for men and women, but in a way, especially men, because men have a lot of
ideas built up about what this means, but this goes for everybody.
You know, there's a lot of people that I feel think that to be vulnerable means that yes,
you're weak, yes, you're giving up, yes, you've become like a sensitive crying mess on the
floor and it's like, that's not quite what it is.
All of a sudden I'm like, I really should have looked up what it means.
You keep talking all of the time.
But it's like, it takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable, you know, because in my
mind, when I say vulnerable, it's like, it's almost like another layer of intimacy.
You ready?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Okay.
Vulnerable.
Of a person.
In need of special care, support or protection because of age, disability or risk of abuse
or neglect.
I don't like that one.
Yeah.
Let's see.
Started out good.
No, liable to higher penalties.
No, that's not good either.
Hold on.
Keep talking, baby.
But it's like, you know, in my mind, it's like when I say vulnerable, it is, it's almost
like similar to intimacy where it's like, I'm kind of pulling back my armor and I'm
saying, you know, I'm saying to God, I'm saying to my wife, you know, if need be, say to your
kids, you know, hey, this is, I'm struggling in this area or I'm not quite making it in
this area or I need help in this area.
You know, I do.
I think it's almost like that, you know, argument.
You know, it feels like there's such a bad feeling about these words and I hate that,
I feel bad saying that words have feelings.
No, they don't.
They don't.
They're words.
You know, but it is, there's a lot of people that just have, you know, these connotations
of these words of, well, this is what it means.
Well, that's not what it means.
You know, people were like, oh, the argument, you're fighting.
No argument is a disagreement.
Yeah.
So I went, I did not like a whole lot of this.
I really didn't.
No.
But what I did find is, so I always go to the what is blah, blah, blah.
So what is being vulnerable in a relationship?
Ready?
Yes.
It means feeling comfortable enough to turn towards your loved ones in your lowest moments
rather than trying to isolate yourself and turn away from their support.
See there it is.
It's right there.
That's it.
You found it.
Good job, babe.
Thanks.
So this can involve feeling comfortable enough to share your thoughts, beliefs, and values
with your partner.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
I mean, a lot of it, so I do understand somebody.
So after all of that definition and all of the different things that we went, wow, that
wasn't exactly, I could see why somebody would say, I don't want to be vulnerable.
Okay.
It puts you in a very.
Vulnerable place.
Well, one of the things that they said was what would be some other words that you would
use exposed.
You feel exposed.
Yeah.
Which I would absolutely agree with.
It's you are pulling back and basically you're very exposed.
You're very raw.
I mean, like I said, you're pulling back your armor and saying this is what's going on.
Yeah.
No, that's it.
That's it.
Yeah.
So it is.
But I do.
With as much as people think is, it is, in my mind it just takes such strength to lay
down your preconceived ideas, to lay down, I'll say ego and pride.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And say, and be vulnerable with God.
Be vulnerable with your spouse.
Yeah.
And again, because especially with your spouse, because that is, it's another layer of intimacy.
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
You know, that it needs to be there.
As much as people want to be intimate with their spouse, vulnerability is part of that.
Yeah.
You know, vulnerability is part of following God.
Yeah.
And you know, because if you're not vulnerable to God, you're either, yep, God, I'm praying
to you, but everything's okay.
Right.
Or it's, God, everything's falling apart.
Yeah.
And I got nothing.
Yeah.
It's like, where's the middle?
Where did it start going from everything's okay to, hey, I'm struggling?
Well, and even in the moments where when you do say, I literally, I see the story of the
child brings a broken toy to the father.
Yeah.
Can you fix this for me?
Sure.
And the kid starts hovering, hovering, hovering, and then like, you're not doing it right.
Right.
And just like, and then takes it back and then walks away or whatever.
And it's like, why are you, I mean, if you would let me help you, I can fix this and
then get it back to you.
But because I'm not doing it in your time or if I'm not doing it your way or you're
not releasing it completely to me, I can't fix what it is that is broken.
And that's what our good father in heaven, I mean, that's who he is.
He's like, just tell me that you need something.
Tell me what it is that you need.
I mean, even in his word, he says, you know, make your requests known.
Tell me what's going on with you.
And it's beautiful because it's like, God knows what's happening with us.
None of this stuff ever catches him by surprise.
But again, that I believe that's almost where the humanity of God is kind of that just that
sweetness of who he is.
It's like, he just wants to be asked.
Just let me know that you want me.
Yes.
Let me know that you want me in your presence, you know, because I'm here.
I'm not going to barge in on you.
I mean, there's days where all of a sudden you're like, whoa, hey, God, oh, wow, love
that, you know.
But you've also established a relationship where he can come into that space with you
without having to, you know, like, are you going to invite me in?
You know, but there are those moments where he just wants to know, do you want me?
Right.
Do you want, if you hand this to me, I promise, I mean, I can fix it, but you got to hand
it to me, you know, and it's just, I think if we, even as each other's help mates, you
know, come together, we babe, this seems to be broken.
I don't know what's going on with me, you know, you and I, like you, I've, I've how
many things have happened to me since in the 11 years that we've been together, you know,
because the life changes of just pregnancies and bodies and years and stuff and things
and just standing back going in surgeries and whatnot and going, you know, if we don't
trust, if we don't trust in that space too, too, because the reason why you're able to
be vulnerable and the reason why you can, babe, I'm a little shell shock right now.
I'm not okay.
This is not all right.
Is because you trust me.
Yeah.
I trust you.
We've built that trust.
You build that trust with the father.
You build that trust with the people that are around you, your friends, your loved ones,
your ride or dies, different people in your life.
We're specifically talking about marriages right now though, as far as like, and, and
if you don't feel like you can be that vulnerable in front of somebody, then there's a little
bit more digging that you need to do.
There's something else there.
You know, why start asking the questions?
Why, why can't I be this vulnerable with my husband?
Why can't I be this transparent with my wife?
Why can't I, I share even the most ridiculously gruesome, whatever, like, babe, like my eyes
had to hop like nobody's business today or whatever, you know, just being transparent
in that moment.
It's, it's trusting that person with, with almost that weakness, like you said, not exploiting
it.
And, and I, and I almost want to, I almost want to just interject a little bit here and
say not even so much weakness, not even so much brokenness.
Yeah.
But even sometimes if it's just something you stumble on, you know, not even fall on,
just you know, something the size of a pebble can, can for some people just, if you catch
it just right, that's enough for it to stumble.
You'll stay on your feet.
You might, you know, one or two strides might get a little funny, but for the most part,
you stay on your feet.
No big deal.
Yeah.
Sometimes if you and I gone for a walk and one of us will catch an uneven seam in the
sidewalk.
No, the day before yesterday that was me going, whoa, Sebastian going, you all right, mom?
But you know, I mean, so it is, it's, you know, sometimes it is, it's not, it doesn't
even have to go so far as, as, as the weakness, the brokenness, the, this is, this is what
is dragging me down.
You know, sometimes it is, it's, you know, babe, this, this is a stump, this, this makes
me stumble every now and then.
Yeah.
No, that's good.
You know, and because it can be something little.
And I mean, how many times have we talked in, in, in marriages, in, in walking with
God, with friendships, work, whatever, so often it's the small things, the stumble,
the half stumble that if it's not addressed, if it's not taken care of, that's what eventually
down the road becomes the broken.
Yup.
You know, I, I, it's like, I hate to use this example, but I want to use this example of,
you know, when it comes to infidelity.
Come on, baby.
It never starts with.
The sex.
Sex, you know, it never, it never, oh, oh my gosh, I just, I just accidentally had sex.
Yeah.
It's like.
That was horrible.
Sorry.
But it's true.
Yeah.
You know, but it is.
It starts with a conversation.
It starts with a like on social media.
Yeah.
You know, and, and something innocent, you know, it, something seemingly innocent.
And all of a sudden it's, you know, down the road, you know, months, weeks, years even.
Yeah.
All of a sudden it's like, Oh, I'm, I'm neck deep in this.
Right.
I'm up to my eyeballs in this when I could have said something when I was just in my toes.
Yep.
You know?
So again, it's, Oh, I'm getting wrapped up.
I'm getting like ramped up in this.
Yeah.
You know, but it is, it's even something as small as a stumble.
Yeah.
Catch those.
Call those out about yourself with your spouse.
Or if you see it in your spouse, babe, I see this is stumbling you.
Yeah.
Is this okay?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
And what do we need to take care of?
You know, and again, you, how, how many times have you and I talked about converse, you
know, resolving conflict and talking about, you know, this is a sensitive subject, but
bring it up and, and in a loving way of, I want to help you.
I see that you're, I see that every now and then you trip over this line.
Yeah.
What can I do to help you?
What, how can, how can we shift our path?
What can we do to maybe remove this line or learn to, you know, hop over it?
I was, I was talking to a friend the other day that he's got some buttons around certain
people and I'm like, as, as much as I feel that you might be on the right with this,
I think you need to work on getting rid of these buttons.
Cause whether or not you're in this situation anymore, these are not good buttons for you.
I mean, not even for you as a Christian, but for you as a man, it's not good to have these
kinds of buttons in these responses preloaded just in case.
It's like that can get dangerous.
Yeah.
It's like you have to change your predetermined response.
Yeah.
It literally, it is, it's, it's, we know for the longest time that there were certain things,
people in my life that would trigger the raining down of the F-bombs and all of the things.
And it was, I mean, just, it was, it was rough.
And you would, I mean, at the beginning we weren't quite sure how to handle it.
This is reality.
Again, we've grown into a lot of these spaces, but it's like, and then you started like,
okay, I'm going to give you only so much time.
And then the time started becoming smaller to the point where you're looking at me going,
we just got to cut ties.
You can't, this is, and then we have to disengage, after we cut these ties, we've got to disengage
those buttons because this is, this is literally taking you over.
I mean, it literally would, it would change, it would run my whole mood.
It would literally like not just a day, it would move into like,
Yeah.
Days.
It would be like a dark cloud following you for like a week.
Very, very bad.
Yeah.
And so it is, it's a thing of, we're definitely speaking to, out of a place of we know, we've
been here, done this.
Having to even, you know, you with different things that, that you've encountered again,
like you said, your PTSD, things of that nature, even your background, your history, my background,
my history, both of us actually just, you know, being transparent enough, being in that
moment enough to even where I'll say this, I don't know how many times I've like grabbed
your hand and said, I'm not okay.
I need you to just take me somewhere else.
This is not all right.
Or you've even said, I, I, I'm not okay.
I think it's time to go.
We need it.
I'm not all right.
Let's go.
Yeah.
I would lovingly love that person in that space to be strong enough.
You as a spouse, seeing your, your, your, you know, your spouse having a moment and
in cordially, sweetly, respectfully dismissing yourself from a space.
If there's other people around you, if it's not just the two of you, but it's other people
around you that you're encountering.
Cause we've had to do this.
Yeah.
Hey guys, you know what?
We're gonna, we're gonna go ahead and go.
Thank you so much.
Love y'all.
We'll see you later.
Yeah.
You know, and then just go.
And there's other been, there's been other times I'm going to think, I'm going to say
this because this actually popped in my brain.
So when we went to, um, the celebration and the station that we have every year for Memorial
Day, this one time that we went and we had all of our wonderful friends around us and
the shots of the cannon started going off and something like hit you just for a moment.
It didn't take long.
You came kind of out of it fairly quickly, but for a moment it took you and our friend
watched me respond to you.
And even our sweet boy, just both of us just touching you, just letting you know, Hey,
we're okay.
Cause sometimes it is just, you just need that connection of you're all right.
You know, and that puts something inside of them to be a little more understanding.
Yeah.
You being, you know, again, we weren't, we're not making a big deal about it.
It wasn't, you didn't like lose your cool.
You just, your face shift, your eyes welled up.
Things got really somber.
Yeah.
And then, and then you were okay again.
Even Sebastian, you know, he's okay, dad, you know, and it was just sweet.
And again, because you, because we have trained our children, you have trained our children
and we have trained our children, even Sebastian in that moment, because of just what was happening
with you, he got to be, it's okay, dad.
You know, he knew it was going to be okay.
And so I think we do a misjustice to each other, to our children.
Again, we're not saying like lose, I was going to say it, lose your stuff all over everywhere.
Right.
But when you are weak and then you follow up with like, say you do lose your stuff everywhere.
Come back.
I'm so sorry.
I'm just, give me a second.
I'm working this out.
And then allow the people around you to be that strength that you need.
Yes.
So that way, together, we start fortifying those walls.
We start fortifying that marriage.
We build each other up.
And then we do, we remind each other that we're not by ourselves in this.
Yeah.
We're not supposed to be by ourselves in this.
I mean, for better, for worse, richer, for poorer, sickness and health, death to us part,
right?
All of it.
So, reminding that we are on the same team.
Yes.
We don't use these moments as ammunition.
No.
But we use these times to where we get to help love each other, support each other, and help
each other get better.
That's right.
Well said.
I love that, babe.
I basically just regurgitated what you said at the beginning.
That was good though.
I liked it.
Yeah.
It's a reminder.
I love this.
I love that.
I love you.
No, stop.
I love you too, but I love that you are a man of character.
I love that you are a man that runs after the heart of God.
I love that you know that you're where your help comes from, that you can be weak in the
presence of God, and that he will fill you up to overflowing to what you need to be.
And because of that, you help guide this family.
Not just you, but God being the forefront, again, making your God our God.
We get to be God's people.
We get to be God's family.
You get to remind our children who their help is, who they are and whose they are.
And when dad's not there, that they can call on the name of Jesus.
That they can be saved and that they will be made whole.
Thank you.
It's good, babe.
It's good.
All right, guys.
Have the best week.
Enjoy the journey.