Hello, and welcome back to another episode of
Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na . Hey,
babe. Hey, babe. How's it going? I had two totally
different songs going in my head at the same
time. And I'm looking over as you're recording
and waiting for your spot to open, and I'm like,
we're supposed to be talking now. Nope, that's
my podcast with the girls. Yep. Not ours. Not
us. Not us. Them. Us. Us. Us, us. Them us. Right.
Was it that one day? It was me and the girls
and I was like, you know, we, like me, we, and
us, we. And Heather's brain was exploding. And
then Marsha's like, I'm not even sure what we're
talking about. This is what happens when we all
record in the same space. And you're involved
in two different podcasts. It's it. It's it.
It is. It's like, what are we, what, what is
our, what is our music sound like again? And
it's like, yeah, no. Yeah. Cause I was like,
I always go, Hey, and welcome back. And I was
like, yep. Nope. That's not what comes out of
your mouth. Nope. Hi babe. Hi babe. How are you?
I'm okay. How are you? Okay. It's been a second
since we've seen and talked to everybody. Yes.
It is anniversary is the last time we talked.
Yes, it was. So that's been, what, three weeks?
Two weeks? Three weeks. Three. Three weeks. Yeah.
Hey, guys. Hi. And what's coming up? Your birthday
is coming up. That's right. Yes. I have Venmo.
I have cash up. I am a size $20 bill. It's fine.
See, I was being generous. $20. That's nice.
Yeah. I mean, Benjamins. I like Benjamins. Those
are nice, too. It's fine. Not Benjamin people.
I have you. I have a Luke. I don't need another
Benjamin. I'm talking about a $100 bill. That's
fine. C -notes. C -notes. I need a C -note. See,
now it sounds like we're about to do a deal of
some sort. It's bad. It's fine. I'm going to
be 50, babe. Yes, you are. What is that about?
That's pretty cool. I'm really excited. I really
am excited. I know you are. And if anybody is
paying attention to anything at any given time,
as far as any of the other podcasts, I am doing
Alice in Wonderland theme for my 50th birthday
because I can. Yeah. It's that simple. Pretty
much. And it's like, um, I've got a little suit.
I also have a potential dress. You're going to
be my amazing bad hatter. We have Sebastian.
That's going to be our little white hair running
around saying I'm late. I'm late. I'm late for
a very important date. And then Gabri, I think
she's just determined that she's just going to
probably just be, um, tea, just picnicky. Maybe.
I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. We don't
see her much anymore. Yeah. Not much. She's busy.
She is busy. She's got friends and life. She's
got this amazing new job all as well. Life is
good. Yeah. She's doing stuff. My mom's coming
into town. Yes. She's going to paint herself
to look like a flower. Yep. My brother and sister
-in -law are coming in. They're going to be the
king and queen of hearts. Yep. Marsha's going
to be the queen of hearts. heather is going to
be the queen of clubs yes that is not even part
of the story but she has needs to be this needs
to be it has to be and then we've got tracy who's
going to be a little cheshire cat i think john
is going to wear the shirt you gave him that
looks like the cheshire cat it's just gonna be
good yes and i mean and then whoever else shows
up i think we're probably gonna look at maybe
i'm gonna round food up and drinks up to probably
about 50 people Roughly. It's always good to
have more food than not. I don't know. There's
going to be a lot of people. I'm going to have
to go count. All of a sudden I started getting
really nervous. You're making me nervous. I don't
mean to. I don't mean to. It might be rough.
I'm not going to look right now. I won't look
right now because we don't need to know. It's
fine. It's going to be fun. It's going to be
fun. We're going to have a good time. Yeah. We're
going to celebrate life. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's
going to be good. It's going to be a good break.
Yeah. Even though it's a lot of, like I'm literally
decorating the house now. Yeah. And getting everything
ready because we have all the family coming to
stay and hang with us for a couple of days. But
it's just, it's good. How is it a break? I think
it's going to be a break in a way of, there's
just going to be a lot of laughter and it's just
going to be, there's no stress. Okay. As much
as, I don't think I'm stressing. Am I? No, you're
not. Are you stressing? A little bit. Why? Because
people are coming to our house. Because people
are coming. People. You said 50 people. Uh -oh.
People. You said 50 people in our home. It's
not 50. You said 50 people in our home. It's
not 50. I got recording. You do have a recording.
But it's not 50. Maybe it's 50. Yeah. It's not
50. You've been saying 50 for the past couple
days. Have I? Yes. I am going to for your sanity
and mine. But no, don't worry about it right
now. 35. Okay. See? Is that better? That's better.
It's going to be a good time. Yes. It's going
to be a good time. Yes. And I think it actually
kind of ties us into what it is that we want
to talk about. Yes. Because... Because you are
a very social person. I am an incredibly social
person. And your husband isn't always. And depending
on where we are and what we're doing, you are
incredibly social. Like you're even more social
than I am. But you have to be in the right headspace
with the right people doing the right thing for
you to really enjoy the people. If we were to
go to a European soccer game, With thousands
of fans of people, you would be incredibly fine.
I'd be fine, but I wouldn't be there for the
social aspect. I think that's the thing. I see
what you're saying. Yes. Yeah. It's true. Yeah.
But you do. I think a lot of it is just me. I
can be in a crowd. It's true. But yeah. Yeah.
If it gets to be too much, then we leave. Yes.
Because then sometimes I'm like, I'm ready to
leave now. Yeah. Yeah, it just depends on the
circumstance. So what are we talking about today?
So today we're talking about knowing your person.
Knowing your person. Yes. And I would say not
just like your married person, but just knowing
your person. Maybe knowing your spouse, knowing
your children, knowing your friends. Just knowing
the people that you consider one of your... Like
even sometimes business relationships. Yes. Just
know your person, know their temperaments, know...
You're fidgety. I am very fidgety today. Yeah.
You okay? No. I don't know why. I'm very fidgety.
It's like sitting with Sebastian right now. Yeah.
It's fine. Part of me is like my brain is okay,
but the rest of me feels like I'm all over the
place. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't
know if it's like I'm trying to keep myself awake.
Cause I've been yawning for half the day and
it's just, yeah. I do not think either one of
us slept well. No, we didn't. And that's okay.
You know, and you know, to kind of like, in addition
to, yes, this is our topic, but you know, again,
things are changing at work. Things are changing
in life and just, you know, the, the stuff that
we're doing in our life and, you know, we're
contemplating buying a new car, getting, you
know, selling my car, getting a new one. Yeah.
You know, and it's just, you know, Just normal
life stressors. Yes. School is over. Now we have
Sebastian home all the time. Yeah. What do we
do? It's now summer break. Summer break's a whole
other space. Yep. It creates a completely different
dynamic in the house too. Yep. And then it's
like on top of health, like you're still getting
better from your knee. Yes. And we're finding
out that apparently you have... Weird things
in my nose. In your nose. Yeah. So stupid. So
weird. So random. So random. That might potentially
be causing you to be dizzy. Right. So if that's
the case and it's so simple and easy. Yes. Yay,
Jesus. Yes. Like, we'll go for that. Yes. In
a heartbeat. Like, complete randomness. Yes.
I got these cyst things. Look, you have an eight
millimeter BB in your nose. Okay, cool. Sweet.
Give me a big old magnet. That would be epic.
That would be funny. That would have been crazy
when I was in the MRI. That is actually one of
the questions they ask before they say. If you
have any metal in you. They specifically say,
you know, because it's the VA. They're like,
you know, do you have any shrapnel or BB? Shut
up. Do they really? They really do. That's fantastic.
Not just shrapnel from procedural when you were
serving in the Air Force, but when you were shooting
your little brother. Right. Pretty certain one
of my brothers has a BB in them. Yeah. It would
not surprise me if it's Randy. Right. It's fine.
So life be life -ing. Yes. Life is life -ing.
And it's the people -ing, knowing your people.
Yes. And so it's like, even last weekend, We
took off to Texas to go watch my middle brother
get married. And it's like understanding your
person, understanding the social cues, understanding
like you do not care. You love people. You love.
Friends. Yes. Okay. I feel like I'm having to
dwindle this down. You love friends. How many
qualifiers can we put? My husband likes people.
He likes people, but he loves his friends. And
you love me. I do. And it's like, but you do
not care for weddings. You don't mind the weddings.
It's the receptions that... that are not your
favorite. It's funny. I'm not a fan of weddings
or receptions. And I'm not a fan of funerals.
And yet, this month, we've been to both of those.
We have taken long road trips to go to both of
these. Yes. The one from Texas, you didn't come
back broken and hobbling. That's true. We took
a really nice break because you need to know
your person. Like I keep trying to tie this into.
So it's like with Luke and I, here's the deal.
It's almost like you have to learn where to prime
a pump. That's a good, I like that analogy. It's
a good analogy. Priming a pump. Number one, you
love me enough to know that I love my family.
Yes. And it's not that you don't love my family.
It's you were in pain. You were not feeling good.
Yeah. We weren't even sure we were going to make
it. Right. And then you started getting better,
which was a blessing, but you still. not a hundred
percent. We're getting results back. We're now
finding out that like, there's, there's some,
there's stuff going on. There's stuff going on.
Um, nothing severe, nothing like life threatening.
Let's say it that way. Yeah. But enough to where
my legs are going to fall off. No, but maybe
enough to where like, okay, you might need to
get a little bit of a surgery or some sort of
something. Just prayer. We know that. Listen
guys, we know God can heal. Y 'all want to pray?
God heals them. Absolutely. Let's go for that.
In the meantime, if there's a surgery or something
that needs to be done, that way it makes you
feel better. But you went. Yep. But in the process
of going, I said, hey, let's stop, number one,
to give you a break to rest, but also. to where
you could get yourself in a really good headspace.
And I could get myself in a really good headspace
too. It wasn't just you, it was me too. And understanding
the dynamic of your person. If your person has,
I do not say this word lightly, I don't want
to throw a stigma, but if social anxiety or social,
what do you want to say? It's like I almost want
to say mental health concerns. Okay. I think
that's good. Yeah. But just if they're just not
a people person, if you have a natural introvert
of a spouse, of a best friend, of a family member,
if they're kind of in a natural space of they
have to go be by themselves to recharge their
batteries or they have to do whatever they need
to do to get back to good, it's good to say,
What can I do to help you be prepared for what
it is that we're about to go into? Because the
reality, there are days where you will take me
by the hand on occasion and say, we don't need
to go here. We don't need to do this. This will
actually cause a shift in your spirit that I
don't want to cause a disruption in. Or sometimes
it's, I know you're sensitive. Yes. So I need
to help protect you. Correct. And guard you.
Correct. Yeah. Because you know what we're about
to walk into where I'm fairly clueless. And so
I think when you know your person, when you know,
you said it before we hit record, the idiosyncrasies,
the little things about them, then it's easier.
To say, okay, this is how we're going to prep
this. This is how we're going to do this. This
is your cue. Look at me. Blink three times. Tell
me that we're leaving. Right. When your battery
is done. Right. You know, you kept with the reception.
It was good. We kept moving. There was enough
people, I think, talking to us one -on -one that
it didn't get to be too. It was people that we
loved. I was going to say, it was like your uncles
and aunts and uncles that were there. Yeah. And
for the most part, we were out of the table together.
And then our nephews came up to us. They would
like come in and out of the orbit. But for the
most part, like we weren't, I did not take you
onto the dance floor until it was a slow dance.
Yeah. Because I know that that's, you don't enjoy
that. Yeah. And we didn't bounce from table to
table meeting the other, your future in -laws.
Yeah. New in -laws. Yeah. New family. My brother's
in -laws are now family. So I think when you
walk through certain scenarios and certain situations,
maybe, not even maybe, I think it's wisdom to
say, how do you feel about this? Number one,
how do you feel about this? Should we be doing
this? You said yawning and I started yawning.
I know. And it's like, To mentally prepare because
you can't bow out of everything. I mean, I guess
you could. I could. I don't think that's healthy,
though. It's not. Because that creates a whole
other different dynamic that you just, then you
become this hermit. Yeah. This social recluse.
And then I don't feel like. And there's resentment
and bitterness. It's bad. Yeah. Like, don't do
that to your person. Right. If you know that
your person is like, this is my person. Okay.
Let's talk about my birthday. Yeah. Babe, do
you like your birthday celebrated? No, I do not.
Okay. Do you like the whole parties and all the
people coming and you being the center of attention?
Not at all. And all of the things? Not at all.
Not at all. Babe, do I like all of that stuff?
You do. I do. Yeah. And you love me enough to
do it. Immensely. You know what I mean? Yeah.
You love me enough to even dress up like something.
I do. Which, in my mind, honestly, listen, you
actually like this idea. I really do. You really
do. You put that mad hat on, sir, and I was like,
hello. Yeah. I mean, again, it's my theater background
popping out to say hi. Uh -huh. Yeah. I know
how to tap into you. You do. Babe, so we're going
to dress up in costumes for my birthday. And
you get to be my Mad Hatter. Yes. Like a twinkle
came. You were on board. You like this idea.
Very, very much so. So it's like, again, finding
out your person, finding out. And if you're somebody
that says, I'm not very good at planning. I don't
do this well. My person likes X, Y, Z. They like
things to be set up in a certain way. Then find
people that are. like that person that will help
rally with you to, to be a support team, to be
a sounding board, to even maybe help you or,
or do it for you. And then you get all the credits
of all of the things, you know, it's, it's learning
your person, loving them enough to say, this
isn't about me. This is about you. This is about
Even with the wedding, it wasn't about me. It
wasn't even about you. It was about celebrating
my brother. It's being mature enough to say,
I am willing to lay down even my personality
and my pride and how I think things should be
to... to help support and love and encourage
something that makes you happy. Yeah. Yeah, that's
true. Because I think at the end of the day,
there's a lot of what we talk about when it comes
to relationships and all. There's that degree
of maturity that has to come. And I was having
a conversation earlier today. And we were talking
about maturity and age and how, you know, they've
discovered in the past, you know, several years
or so that adolescence actually lasts until you're
about 30 -ish. I believe that. Yeah. Yeah. You
know, because, again, your brain is still forming.
You're still developing. You know, it's all that
stuff. And, like, it was funny because, like.
I was talking to my co -workers about this, and
some of them looked very disappointed. Because
they want to be adults, and they want to be grown,
and they want to look at their significant others
and be like, Grow up. Grow up. How old are these
co -workers? One is 26, and one is like 36, I
think. Oh, they're just... Yeah. So it was funny,
the one that's 36, she's like, the one that's
36, she's like, Oh, so I've been an adult for
six years. I'm six years old. Yay! That's awesome.
I'm like, oh. Yes? Yes. Yes. Yes. So, yeah. But
again, it's these, you know, it is. It's the
maturity. It's the mature conversations. It's
the mature decisions. It's the, can you come
at this topic, this struggle, this obstacle,
this benefit in a mature manner? Yes. You know,
and it's. Again, it's coming at somebody, coming
at your spouse, not coming at your spouse, but
coming to your spouse. And you're so full of
anger and confusion and frustration and all the
bad things and all the negative things. And you
just want to blast your spouse. And it's like,
I can't. If I do this, I'm going to destroy them.
And I don't want to destroy them, but I need
to. communicate and let them know what's going
on in my brain and I need to let them know that
I'm hurt and I need to let them know that hey
when you did this it kind of crushed me yeah
you know and it's but it is it's it's the how
do you handle that in a mature manner right And
I think as you're growing, because you are growing,
I mean, you said that you guys just learned that
adolescence is all the way up till 30s. Okay.
So you have... Like around 30. Okay. So you have
somebody that is maybe in their 20s or they're
just now hitting 30 or they're just a little
past 30. And they're struggling. They're trying
to figure this out. Maybe they've been with their
person now since, I don't know. There's some
people that I work with up at the school. Her
and her husband have known each other and been
in each other's lives since they were seven.
Wow. I mean, that's cool. That is super cool.
I mean, that's super cool. You know what she
also said, though? She goes, when we talk to
our kids and they say, man, that's cool, mom
and dad, that's awesome. They go, oh, let's tell
you how we had to learn how to grow up with each
other. Yeah. How we had to learn the hard things
and talk through the hard things and understand
each other's points of view and that it's not
going to look the same as what we think. Even
though we were raised with and around each other,
we are two totally different. Yeah. And she says,
it was like, and I'm listening to her going,
dang, do you listen to us? You know, I kind of
think, but, but genuinely it was, it was, it
was a beautiful insight of, she said the day
that she figured out my husband and I get to
grow the rest of our lives, she stopped fighting.
Oh, nice. That's cool. Yeah. Like, you and I
are growing the rest of our lives. Yeah. And
the moment that we say, I'm still growing, you're
still growing. Okay, well, that was weird. That's
probably not something we want to do again. Yeah,
you know, probably not. Okay, cool. Or, wow,
I like that. Let's maybe add that into who we
are now, you know, kind of thing. Let's cultivate
that one. Let's cultivate that one. Yeah. You
know, it's like. Be that couple. Be that person
to your person. You know, look at them and say
who you were when we got married and who you
are. Yeah, it might look different. It might
be, you know, it should look different because
you're constantly growing. But in order to continue
to grow together, it's... It's recognizing your
person's growth. It's recognizing your person's
even frailties. It's recognizing their struggles.
It's seeing life through their eyes. And then
what you get to do, it's not that you're trying
to. It's not like I'm trying to be you or you're
trying to be me. It's you understanding my perspective
or I'm understanding yours. And then it helps
me learn how to communicate with you better because
I have a greater understanding of even how you
tick and how you learn. And I'd almost go and
want to correct just a little bit of that. Sure.
You know, when you're saying, you know, I understand
your... where you're coming from you understand
you know and all this and it's like i think there's
going to be times where i'm not going to understand
oh absolutely what's happening i'm not going
to understand what's going on you're not going
to understand what's going on yeah but it's that
that recognition of i love you yeah i still want
this to work i still want you know like when
you're talking back and forth i i pictured you
know when you're talking about you know Growing
with somebody and learning, oh, hey, we want
to keep this. Or, oh, wait, we don't want that
one anymore. I pictured a vegetable garden. Ooh,
that's good. Because, again, you want to take
care of it. You want to grow things. But all
of a sudden, early on, it's like, hey, we really
like this produce. So we're going to grow it.
And all of a sudden, it's like, we don't really
like this produce anymore. Or it doesn't grow.
In this season. In this season. Or it doesn't
grow in this location with the soil and stuff
like that. So it's like, okay, that's not going
to grow. Let's plant something else. Or, hey,
we now like squash. Okay, we're going to grow
squash. And so it's like that's kind of how I
pictured it in my brain when you were saying
the growing and all that. But it is. I think
if we try to fully understand everything about
our spouse. I think we're going to fail. Or maybe
not fail, but fall short. Because if your goal
is to understand, if my goal is to completely
understand you, I'm going to run my head through
a wall because I'm going to get frustrated because
I love you to pieces, but I don't think I will
ever completely understand you. And that's not
a bad thing. I don't think we should ever...
I think our goal should be to do our best to
understand as much as we can about our spouses.
Yeah. But never have the goal of arriving to
where we've completely understood our spouses.
Yeah. It's almost like striving for the knowledge
of God. Yeah. It's like we want to walk with
God so we can learn as much as we can about God.
Yeah. But it's like, I've talked to people that
have been following God their entire life, you
know, 50, 60, 70 years. And they're like, there's
still things that it's like, I'm still learning
things about the kingdom. I'm still learning
things about God. Yeah. And it's like that. Yeah.
You know, and it's like, it's like once you think
I've arrived, I know everything. You stop trying.
You do. You stop. Yeah. So. You stop trying.
No, I like that. Because when you said that,
I was like, no, you're right. That's good. I
think maybe understanding is the wrong word.
I don't think it even has a word. I think it's
more defined. Instead of having a greater understanding
about your person, I think it's an appreciation.
Yeah. I think appreciation. Yeah. Because I don't
understand you a lot of days, some days. Yeah.
I'm weird. You're not weird. I mean, you're my
weird. But just like her daughter and her son.
Yeah. Y 'all are my weirds. But I think there's
an appreciation. You can look at your person
and say, babe, I don't understand that. Yeah.
But I love you. I trust you. I trust God inside
of you. Yeah. And I can appreciate what you bring
to the table because I know when you speak, like,
greater knowledge comes. Yeah. Or a greater understanding
of who you are comes. But I think the appreciation
kind of needs to come first. Yeah. If I can say
it that way. I think so, yeah. Because it's like
when you're first dating a person and you're
getting to know that person, unless you have
this hardwire situation in your brain that says,
no matter what, I'm going to try to change this
person, you're looking at this person and you're...
You're learning them. You're learning who they
are. You're learning their quirks. You're learning
how they think. You're learning how they see
things even. Their language. You're learning
their love language. Well, not just their love
language. Their language. Yeah. Because how I
say things is different than how you say things.
Because you are fabulous. When it comes to, do
you remember? You do remember. It's fine. I'm
going to paint a picture for our listeners. So
whenever we got engaged, we did a video, which
to this day I wish I could find, and we need
to find it. It is on YouTube somewhere. If anybody
could find it, that'd be great. We need to call
Carlson and have him find that for us. But we
did a video, and it was basically we broke down.
how we went about our relationship we talked
about the courtship we talked about all of the
things and then um we said some really kind things
about each other about who we are and who we
thought the other person was and you use the
silver dollar word in the middle of it do you
remember that i do I don't remember the word.
I don't either. Yeah. Because you, you said something
and I, and you were, you were describing me and
I kind of stared at you and I said, what does
that mean? You know? And then you were so kind
and you broke it down and you, and you defined
the word for me. And I was like, Ooh, I like
that. Yeah. And so that is who you've always
been. It's like you, you are so amazingly smart.
And our children have phenomenal diabolical vocabularies
because you don't shy away from expressing yourself
in that manner. Yes. At the same time, because
you know your person. Yes. And some days you
just really do not want to have to be Google
and Webster's Dictionary. Yes. You will. I will
not say dumb down, but you will bring your words
from $1 .50 down to maybe 25 cents. And so it's
not saying that I am less or you are more. It's
this is who you are and this is how you've been
created. And you challenge me and you make me
want to be better. There's an appreciation. And
then I bring this really childlike simplicity
to the table. Plain language. Plain language.
That wants to play Alice in Wonderland and do
all of the dorky things. Run around in costumes
and have relay races up and down our street.
Inflatable. Inflatable. Know your person. Know
your person. Appreciate the differences. Appreciate
how they see life. Ask questions. One of the
reasons why our very first date, I'm asking you
all the questions. Like, scope them out. Why
do you do that? Not in a, like a... Not know
what's wrong with you. Yeah, not know what's
wrong with you way. But like, why is that? And
give them a chance to maybe they'll say, you
know what? I don't know. I don't know. It's just
always what I've done or this is just how I was
raised or. Yeah. You know, or they might give
you a really great story behind why it is that
they do what they do. And instead of it becoming
an irritation or becoming something that. can
cause a disconnect, it can become something that
all of a sudden you find yourself loving that
person even more and appreciating them even on
a greater measure. Yeah. Or sometimes, you know,
by asking some of those probing questions, it
can lead to the response of, I don't know, which
could then lead to healing. Yes. Yeah. You know,
well, I don't know why I did that. Let me figure
that out. Yeah. Cause I, I know that we've done
that. Yeah. I mean, I, you are my psychology
couch. Like, like having those moments of something
I'm breaking down and things are happening and
then me staring at you. And then like these moments
of light bulbs going off and me saying, babe,
this is, this is why. I think this is why I do
what I do. Yeah. And then I allow God to come
in and you pray for me and we deal with it. Yeah.
So I think being a person's person. Yeah. Giving
them that space, allowing your loved one to be
everything that God created them to be. And then
as they keep getting refined and growing and
maturing. And learning. Yeah. And getting comfortable
in their skin. Yeah. Then sometimes the dross
comes up, the yucky starts showing. That's not
the time to like bail. That's not the time to
cast stones. That's not the time to go, oh my
gosh, you're not the person that I thought you
were. That's the time where you double down and
you say, hey, okay. There seems to be something
here. Yeah. Let's have a conversation. Let's
talk about this. Let's figure out what this is
so that way we can come at this thing together.
And so that way we can get back to good. Yeah.
Yeah. Because it is. A lot of it is, you know,
we say it a lot. We do. We say it a lot. It is.
It's having those hard conversations. It's having
those long conversations. It's having the awkward
conversations. Yes. To figure out these basic
questions. I mean, we say they're basic. In our
minds, we think these are basic questions because
we like to think that... well, everybody should
be having these conversations. Everybody should
be thinking this way. And if they're not, how
can we encourage them to have these conversations?
But it is. Sometimes it's the awkward conversations.
It's the, how can I get to know you better? Oh,
that's good, babe. Because it is. Especially
when you're talking about dating, courtship,
being engaged, marriage. Your goal is to be with
this person for the rest of your life. And you
want to know who you're going home with. You
want to know who's sleeping in the bed next to
you. And if it's friendship, if it's coworkers,
you want to know who you can be safe around.
That's good. Because, again, if you're friends,
if this is a friend relationship, and let's say
you are going out and exploring and having adventures,
you want to know that you're with somebody that's
got your back. Yes. And it's not going to just
abandon you for some cute guy in a parking garage.
Come on. I'm going to say that one. Come on.
I know they're not listening. Come on. Truly.
But it is. But you want somebody that, you know.
It's like I was having a conversation and it
was like, you know, hey, this person wanted to
be a designated driver because they're headed
to a wedding with their boyfriend. And their
boyfriend got all upset because this person sober
is not as fun and wild as when they're drunk.
So it's like, oh. But again, it's like you want
to make sure that. Who are you going to be safe
with? We know people from our past and we know
people currently that used to party and drink
and do all the things. If you're going to be
doing those things, you want to know you're going
to come home safe. Unless you're in a dark space
and then you don't care. Ultimately, you want
to know that you're going to be safe. You want
to make sure that... You know, like when you
used to go karaoke. Yeah, I was a designated
driver. You were the designated driver, but you
were also looking out for your friends. You know,
because I'm sure your friends were like, Dean
is here. She's going to make sure I get home
safe or she's going to make sure that I don't
go home with some rando. You know? The stories
I could tell. I know, but it is. You want to
be that friend and you want to have those friends
around you. Yes. So even if they are friends,
you want to make sure that you're going to be
safe around these people. So I say all that to
say that we do. We want to make sure that we're
surrounded by safe people. Yes. And if that sounds
a little disjointed, we just cut out like three
and a half minutes of conversation. Our daughter
called us on the phone, guys. Sorry. If it sounds
a little like, that sounds like a weird jump.
That's why. Our kiddos come first, guys. Post
-production. Welcome to life be lifing here.
Yes. No, I think that's good. I think that's
good. And if... Father, I'm asking right now
in the name of Jesus that you just, you cover
our couples. You cover the people that are listening
right now. Father, I ask that you open up the
airwaves above them to where they can communicate
on a greater scale and a greater measure. I'm
asking, Father, that you open up the hearts and
the lives and the minds of the ones that are
struggling right now, that you give them... a
place of safety, knowing that you are their safety.
And Father, then I'm asking that you heal hearts
and you heal wounds and you heal places so that
way they can be each other's safety again. Yes.
I ask that forgiveness flows. I ask that bitterness
and resentment and offense leaves and that they're
able to heal past the hurt, that they're not
constantly tripping on what's behind them. Yeah.
Because ultimately, the reason why we say the
things that we say, the way that we go about
the things that we go about, is because we've
lived these things. As amazing and as awesome
as our family is, and it is, and I'm grateful.
It took years upon years upon years upon years
of cultivating. It took years upon years upon
years of weird conversations, of staring at my
sweet husband and going, I don't know how else
to explain this. This is how this is. And learning.
I love what you said, learning each other's language,
learning even each other's tones. Like your tone
is more aggressive than mine at times, but I
can be really aggressive to you. It's almost
even more so at times. Even something as you're
soft -spoken. Yes. I was raised in a loud family.
Yes. And it's like. Why are you yelling? I'm
not. This is, I'm talking. It's just me talking.
And then you met my parents and you're like,
or especially my mom. Yes. You're like, oh. This
makes complete sense to me. And so I think, I
think learn not just your person, but maybe even
learn from where that person came from. Yeah.
And have a greater understanding of maybe even
why they are the way that they are. What makes
up your DNA? Yeah. Having, having a. An aha moment.
Like, not justifying this is why you're a douchebag.
That's not what I'm talking about. Right. I'm
talking about, oh, this is where this comes from.
Yeah. Okay. I get that now. Okay, babe. So I'm
understanding now where you learned this trait.
Yes. Can we now figure out how to... soften it
or mold it or maneuver it or get rid of it whatever
it needs to be so that way we can flourish as
us and not bring somebody else into our marriage
yeah by stuff right And I think when we take
that time, that's the deep -seating, deep -sea
diving stuff. That's the having the hard conversations.
That's the, well, you're just mad. You always
blame my mother, or you always blame my dad,
or you always blame... No, no, no, no, no, no,
no. This is legit. Be mature enough to understand
that there is psychological things that come,
that there are... there is nature and there is
nurture, and that these are legit things, and
there's also generational spirits and hereditary
stuff that comes in every one of our families,
even the really great ones, that don't seem to
have any issues. There's always something. And
so having a greater understanding of why do I
think the way that I think? Okay. Is that a correct
way of thinking or is this just something that
I've learned? And if it's something I've learned,
then I can unlearn it. Yeah. And then be patient
enough with your person as they're trying to
unlearn some of these patterns and then help
love them into the space where they can be loved
into good, solid patterns that make you guys
stronger. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That's good.
I think we hit it. Outside of our three minutes
out. Yes. Which will be magically erased. Which
will be magically erased. And everybody will
go, what are y 'all talking about? Yeah. It's
fine. But we explained it. But we did explain
it. It's fine. See? There you go. Yeah. Guys,
give each other space to grow. Yes. Every day
I ask that you guys wake up. And look at your
person and say, I get to learn something beautiful
about you today. And even if it's something that
I know about you, I get to learn it in a greater
measure. That is my prayer. That's my prayer
for me. I want to start learning you in a greater
measure. I want to know you and who you are in
a greater measure. So that way I can learn how
to love you better. I love you have the best
week guys enjoy the journey happy birthday to
me happy birthday to you thanks babe happy birthday
to me enjoy the journey folks