WEBVTT 00:00:07.820 --> 00:00:10.460 Hello, and welcome back to another episode of 00:00:10.460 --> 00:00:14.539 Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na . Hey, 00:00:14.539 --> 00:00:17.820 babe. Hey, babe. How's it going? I had two totally 00:00:17.820 --> 00:00:20.480 different songs going in my head at the same 00:00:20.480 --> 00:00:23.100 time. And I'm looking over as you're recording 00:00:23.100 --> 00:00:25.960 and waiting for your spot to open, and I'm like, 00:00:26.100 --> 00:00:28.980 we're supposed to be talking now. Nope, that's 00:00:28.980 --> 00:00:33.420 my podcast with the girls. Yep. Not ours. Not 00:00:33.420 --> 00:00:38.579 us. Not us. Them. Us. Us. Us, us. Them us. Right. 00:00:40.420 --> 00:00:42.859 Was it that one day? It was me and the girls 00:00:42.859 --> 00:00:47.700 and I was like, you know, we, like me, we, and 00:00:47.700 --> 00:00:51.899 us, we. And Heather's brain was exploding. And 00:00:51.899 --> 00:00:53.899 then Marsha's like, I'm not even sure what we're 00:00:53.899 --> 00:00:59.679 talking about. This is what happens when we all 00:00:59.679 --> 00:01:03.439 record in the same space. And you're involved 00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:06.159 in two different podcasts. It's it. It's it. 00:01:06.319 --> 00:01:09.099 It is. It's like, what are we, what, what is 00:01:09.099 --> 00:01:12.200 our, what is our music sound like again? And 00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:14.900 it's like, yeah, no. Yeah. Cause I was like, 00:01:14.920 --> 00:01:18.159 I always go, Hey, and welcome back. And I was 00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:20.620 like, yep. Nope. That's not what comes out of 00:01:20.620 --> 00:01:25.140 your mouth. Nope. Hi babe. Hi babe. How are you? 00:01:25.239 --> 00:01:30.379 I'm okay. How are you? Okay. It's been a second 00:01:30.379 --> 00:01:32.680 since we've seen and talked to everybody. Yes. 00:01:32.819 --> 00:01:36.840 It is anniversary is the last time we talked. 00:01:37.060 --> 00:01:39.920 Yes, it was. So that's been, what, three weeks? 00:01:40.299 --> 00:01:45.099 Two weeks? Three weeks. Three. Three weeks. Yeah. 00:01:45.159 --> 00:01:49.700 Hey, guys. Hi. And what's coming up? Your birthday 00:01:49.700 --> 00:01:54.000 is coming up. That's right. Yes. I have Venmo. 00:01:54.099 --> 00:02:02.079 I have cash up. I am a size $20 bill. It's fine. 00:02:02.879 --> 00:02:05.920 See, I was being generous. $20. That's nice. 00:02:06.079 --> 00:02:09.500 Yeah. I mean, Benjamins. I like Benjamins. Those 00:02:09.500 --> 00:02:12.460 are nice, too. It's fine. Not Benjamin people. 00:02:13.060 --> 00:02:15.159 I have you. I have a Luke. I don't need another 00:02:15.159 --> 00:02:17.419 Benjamin. I'm talking about a $100 bill. That's 00:02:17.419 --> 00:02:21.699 fine. C -notes. C -notes. I need a C -note. See, 00:02:21.759 --> 00:02:23.599 now it sounds like we're about to do a deal of 00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:27.000 some sort. It's bad. It's fine. I'm going to 00:02:27.000 --> 00:02:29.500 be 50, babe. Yes, you are. What is that about? 00:02:29.800 --> 00:02:33.139 That's pretty cool. I'm really excited. I really 00:02:33.139 --> 00:02:35.939 am excited. I know you are. And if anybody is 00:02:35.939 --> 00:02:38.259 paying attention to anything at any given time, 00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:42.800 as far as any of the other podcasts, I am doing 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:47.400 Alice in Wonderland theme for my 50th birthday 00:02:47.400 --> 00:02:50.659 because I can. Yeah. It's that simple. Pretty 00:02:50.659 --> 00:02:55.120 much. And it's like, um, I've got a little suit. 00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:58.819 I also have a potential dress. You're going to 00:02:58.819 --> 00:03:02.560 be my amazing bad hatter. We have Sebastian. 00:03:02.680 --> 00:03:05.379 That's going to be our little white hair running 00:03:05.379 --> 00:03:08.240 around saying I'm late. I'm late. I'm late for 00:03:08.240 --> 00:03:11.639 a very important date. And then Gabri, I think 00:03:11.639 --> 00:03:13.340 she's just determined that she's just going to 00:03:13.340 --> 00:03:17.699 probably just be, um, tea, just picnicky. Maybe. 00:03:17.819 --> 00:03:20.189 I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. We don't 00:03:20.189 --> 00:03:24.009 see her much anymore. Yeah. Not much. She's busy. 00:03:24.129 --> 00:03:26.469 She is busy. She's got friends and life. She's 00:03:26.469 --> 00:03:29.210 got this amazing new job all as well. Life is 00:03:29.210 --> 00:03:33.509 good. Yeah. She's doing stuff. My mom's coming 00:03:33.509 --> 00:03:36.169 into town. Yes. She's going to paint herself 00:03:36.169 --> 00:03:39.370 to look like a flower. Yep. My brother and sister 00:03:39.370 --> 00:03:41.830 -in -law are coming in. They're going to be the 00:03:41.830 --> 00:03:44.009 king and queen of hearts. Yep. Marsha's going 00:03:44.009 --> 00:03:46.520 to be the queen of hearts. heather is going to 00:03:46.520 --> 00:03:49.000 be the queen of clubs yes that is not even part 00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:51.960 of the story but she has needs to be this needs 00:03:51.960 --> 00:03:55.099 to be it has to be and then we've got tracy who's 00:03:55.099 --> 00:03:57.419 going to be a little cheshire cat i think john 00:03:57.419 --> 00:04:00.560 is going to wear the shirt you gave him that 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:04.620 looks like the cheshire cat it's just gonna be 00:04:04.620 --> 00:04:07.259 good yes and i mean and then whoever else shows 00:04:07.259 --> 00:04:09.840 up i think we're probably gonna look at maybe 00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:13.439 i'm gonna round food up and drinks up to probably 00:04:13.439 --> 00:04:19.259 about 50 people Roughly. It's always good to 00:04:19.259 --> 00:04:22.079 have more food than not. I don't know. There's 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:27.000 going to be a lot of people. I'm going to have 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:28.620 to go count. All of a sudden I started getting 00:04:28.620 --> 00:04:31.040 really nervous. You're making me nervous. I don't 00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:34.959 mean to. I don't mean to. It might be rough. 00:04:36.180 --> 00:04:38.160 I'm not going to look right now. I won't look 00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:40.459 right now because we don't need to know. It's 00:04:40.459 --> 00:04:42.759 fine. It's going to be fun. It's going to be 00:04:42.759 --> 00:04:45.709 fun. We're going to have a good time. Yeah. We're 00:04:45.709 --> 00:04:50.810 going to celebrate life. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's 00:04:50.810 --> 00:04:57.829 going to be good. It's going to be a good break. 00:05:00.829 --> 00:05:04.870 Yeah. Even though it's a lot of, like I'm literally 00:05:04.870 --> 00:05:10.240 decorating the house now. Yeah. And getting everything 00:05:10.240 --> 00:05:12.639 ready because we have all the family coming to 00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:16.480 stay and hang with us for a couple of days. But 00:05:16.480 --> 00:05:21.480 it's just, it's good. How is it a break? I think 00:05:21.480 --> 00:05:25.240 it's going to be a break in a way of, there's 00:05:25.240 --> 00:05:26.800 just going to be a lot of laughter and it's just 00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:30.639 going to be, there's no stress. Okay. As much 00:05:30.639 --> 00:05:33.699 as, I don't think I'm stressing. Am I? No, you're 00:05:33.699 --> 00:05:36.699 not. Are you stressing? A little bit. Why? Because 00:05:36.699 --> 00:05:38.060 people are coming to our house. Because people 00:05:38.060 --> 00:05:41.500 are coming. People. You said 50 people. Uh -oh. 00:05:41.699 --> 00:05:44.300 People. You said 50 people in our home. It's 00:05:44.300 --> 00:05:46.319 not 50. You said 50 people in our home. It's 00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:50.220 not 50. I got recording. You do have a recording. 00:05:51.040 --> 00:05:54.579 But it's not 50. Maybe it's 50. Yeah. It's not 00:05:54.579 --> 00:05:57.740 50. You've been saying 50 for the past couple 00:05:57.740 --> 00:06:03.759 days. Have I? Yes. I am going to for your sanity 00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:06.310 and mine. But no, don't worry about it right 00:06:06.310 --> 00:06:15.569 now. 35. Okay. See? Is that better? That's better. 00:06:18.009 --> 00:06:20.629 It's going to be a good time. Yes. It's going 00:06:20.629 --> 00:06:24.709 to be a good time. Yes. And I think it actually 00:06:24.709 --> 00:06:26.689 kind of ties us into what it is that we want 00:06:26.689 --> 00:06:29.490 to talk about. Yes. Because... Because you are 00:06:29.490 --> 00:06:32.050 a very social person. I am an incredibly social 00:06:32.050 --> 00:06:35.740 person. And your husband isn't always. And depending 00:06:35.740 --> 00:06:39.519 on where we are and what we're doing, you are 00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:42.319 incredibly social. Like you're even more social 00:06:42.319 --> 00:06:47.879 than I am. But you have to be in the right headspace 00:06:47.879 --> 00:06:52.459 with the right people doing the right thing for 00:06:52.459 --> 00:06:59.759 you to really enjoy the people. If we were to 00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:04.649 go to a European soccer game, With thousands 00:07:04.649 --> 00:07:09.009 of fans of people, you would be incredibly fine. 00:07:11.189 --> 00:07:13.350 I'd be fine, but I wouldn't be there for the 00:07:13.350 --> 00:07:15.629 social aspect. I think that's the thing. I see 00:07:15.629 --> 00:07:19.689 what you're saying. Yes. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. 00:07:19.949 --> 00:07:22.470 But you do. I think a lot of it is just me. I 00:07:22.470 --> 00:07:25.149 can be in a crowd. It's true. But yeah. Yeah. 00:07:25.189 --> 00:07:28.569 If it gets to be too much, then we leave. Yes. 00:07:28.750 --> 00:07:30.769 Because then sometimes I'm like, I'm ready to 00:07:30.769 --> 00:07:32.910 leave now. Yeah. Yeah, it just depends on the 00:07:32.910 --> 00:07:35.449 circumstance. So what are we talking about today? 00:07:35.610 --> 00:07:37.949 So today we're talking about knowing your person. 00:07:38.029 --> 00:07:40.649 Knowing your person. Yes. And I would say not 00:07:40.649 --> 00:07:42.550 just like your married person, but just knowing 00:07:42.550 --> 00:07:45.589 your person. Maybe knowing your spouse, knowing 00:07:45.589 --> 00:07:48.769 your children, knowing your friends. Just knowing 00:07:48.769 --> 00:07:51.970 the people that you consider one of your... Like 00:07:51.970 --> 00:07:55.290 even sometimes business relationships. Yes. Just 00:07:55.290 --> 00:07:57.649 know your person, know their temperaments, know... 00:07:58.669 --> 00:08:00.889 You're fidgety. I am very fidgety today. Yeah. 00:08:00.970 --> 00:08:06.730 You okay? No. I don't know why. I'm very fidgety. 00:08:07.089 --> 00:08:10.209 It's like sitting with Sebastian right now. Yeah. 00:08:10.209 --> 00:08:14.790 It's fine. Part of me is like my brain is okay, 00:08:14.889 --> 00:08:16.829 but the rest of me feels like I'm all over the 00:08:16.829 --> 00:08:24.670 place. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't 00:08:24.670 --> 00:08:26.529 know if it's like I'm trying to keep myself awake. 00:08:27.040 --> 00:08:29.779 Cause I've been yawning for half the day and 00:08:29.779 --> 00:08:32.580 it's just, yeah. I do not think either one of 00:08:32.580 --> 00:08:35.519 us slept well. No, we didn't. And that's okay. 00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:39.019 You know, and you know, to kind of like, in addition 00:08:39.019 --> 00:08:41.840 to, yes, this is our topic, but you know, again, 00:08:41.940 --> 00:08:43.960 things are changing at work. Things are changing 00:08:43.960 --> 00:08:46.440 in life and just, you know, the, the stuff that 00:08:46.440 --> 00:08:49.639 we're doing in our life and, you know, we're 00:08:49.639 --> 00:08:52.100 contemplating buying a new car, getting, you 00:08:52.100 --> 00:08:54.500 know, selling my car, getting a new one. Yeah. 00:08:54.960 --> 00:08:57.690 You know, and it's just, you know, Just normal 00:08:57.690 --> 00:09:02.090 life stressors. Yes. School is over. Now we have 00:09:02.090 --> 00:09:04.389 Sebastian home all the time. Yeah. What do we 00:09:04.389 --> 00:09:07.169 do? It's now summer break. Summer break's a whole 00:09:07.169 --> 00:09:10.669 other space. Yep. It creates a completely different 00:09:10.669 --> 00:09:13.870 dynamic in the house too. Yep. And then it's 00:09:13.870 --> 00:09:16.889 like on top of health, like you're still getting 00:09:16.889 --> 00:09:19.710 better from your knee. Yes. And we're finding 00:09:19.710 --> 00:09:24.340 out that apparently you have... Weird things 00:09:24.340 --> 00:09:28.259 in my nose. In your nose. Yeah. So stupid. So 00:09:28.259 --> 00:09:35.480 weird. So random. So random. That might potentially 00:09:35.480 --> 00:09:38.039 be causing you to be dizzy. Right. So if that's 00:09:38.039 --> 00:09:40.679 the case and it's so simple and easy. Yes. Yay, 00:09:40.720 --> 00:09:44.559 Jesus. Yes. Like, we'll go for that. Yes. In 00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:46.919 a heartbeat. Like, complete randomness. Yes. 00:09:46.919 --> 00:09:50.059 I got these cyst things. Look, you have an eight 00:09:50.059 --> 00:09:53.419 millimeter BB in your nose. Okay, cool. Sweet. 00:09:55.139 --> 00:09:57.960 Give me a big old magnet. That would be epic. 00:09:57.960 --> 00:10:00.620 That would be funny. That would have been crazy 00:10:00.620 --> 00:10:11.700 when I was in the MRI. That is actually one of 00:10:11.700 --> 00:10:14.159 the questions they ask before they say. If you 00:10:14.159 --> 00:10:17.200 have any metal in you. They specifically say, 00:10:17.299 --> 00:10:18.759 you know, because it's the VA. They're like, 00:10:18.820 --> 00:10:22.320 you know, do you have any shrapnel or BB? Shut 00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:24.799 up. Do they really? They really do. That's fantastic. 00:10:25.899 --> 00:10:28.299 Not just shrapnel from procedural when you were 00:10:28.299 --> 00:10:30.360 serving in the Air Force, but when you were shooting 00:10:30.360 --> 00:10:34.360 your little brother. Right. Pretty certain one 00:10:34.360 --> 00:10:37.580 of my brothers has a BB in them. Yeah. It would 00:10:37.580 --> 00:10:40.279 not surprise me if it's Randy. Right. It's fine. 00:10:43.159 --> 00:10:46.279 So life be life -ing. Yes. Life is life -ing. 00:10:46.279 --> 00:10:48.460 And it's the people -ing, knowing your people. 00:10:48.639 --> 00:10:52.639 Yes. And so it's like, even last weekend, We 00:10:52.639 --> 00:10:55.440 took off to Texas to go watch my middle brother 00:10:55.440 --> 00:10:59.320 get married. And it's like understanding your 00:10:59.320 --> 00:11:02.759 person, understanding the social cues, understanding 00:11:02.759 --> 00:11:08.000 like you do not care. You love people. You love. 00:11:08.429 --> 00:11:11.809 Friends. Yes. Okay. I feel like I'm having to 00:11:11.809 --> 00:11:15.090 dwindle this down. You love friends. How many 00:11:15.090 --> 00:11:18.370 qualifiers can we put? My husband likes people. 00:11:18.669 --> 00:11:22.710 He likes people, but he loves his friends. And 00:11:22.710 --> 00:11:27.590 you love me. I do. And it's like, but you do 00:11:27.590 --> 00:11:32.009 not care for weddings. You don't mind the weddings. 00:11:32.070 --> 00:11:36.240 It's the receptions that... that are not your 00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:41.220 favorite. It's funny. I'm not a fan of weddings 00:11:41.220 --> 00:11:45.919 or receptions. And I'm not a fan of funerals. 00:11:46.600 --> 00:11:50.980 And yet, this month, we've been to both of those. 00:11:53.779 --> 00:11:56.480 We have taken long road trips to go to both of 00:11:56.480 --> 00:12:01.440 these. Yes. The one from Texas, you didn't come 00:12:01.440 --> 00:12:04.379 back broken and hobbling. That's true. We took 00:12:04.379 --> 00:12:08.139 a really nice break because you need to know 00:12:08.139 --> 00:12:10.620 your person. Like I keep trying to tie this into. 00:12:10.860 --> 00:12:14.200 So it's like with Luke and I, here's the deal. 00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:21.460 It's almost like you have to learn where to prime 00:12:21.460 --> 00:12:24.860 a pump. That's a good, I like that analogy. It's 00:12:24.860 --> 00:12:27.679 a good analogy. Priming a pump. Number one, you 00:12:27.679 --> 00:12:29.980 love me enough to know that I love my family. 00:12:30.100 --> 00:12:33.299 Yes. And it's not that you don't love my family. 00:12:33.320 --> 00:12:36.940 It's you were in pain. You were not feeling good. 00:12:37.100 --> 00:12:39.039 Yeah. We weren't even sure we were going to make 00:12:39.039 --> 00:12:41.019 it. Right. And then you started getting better, 00:12:41.100 --> 00:12:43.700 which was a blessing, but you still. not a hundred 00:12:43.700 --> 00:12:46.100 percent. We're getting results back. We're now 00:12:46.100 --> 00:12:48.480 finding out that like, there's, there's some, 00:12:48.500 --> 00:12:50.059 there's stuff going on. There's stuff going on. 00:12:50.240 --> 00:12:54.559 Um, nothing severe, nothing like life threatening. 00:12:54.620 --> 00:12:56.879 Let's say it that way. Yeah. But enough to where 00:12:56.879 --> 00:12:59.480 my legs are going to fall off. No, but maybe 00:12:59.480 --> 00:13:02.019 enough to where like, okay, you might need to 00:13:02.019 --> 00:13:04.139 get a little bit of a surgery or some sort of 00:13:04.139 --> 00:13:06.539 something. Just prayer. We know that. Listen 00:13:06.539 --> 00:13:08.440 guys, we know God can heal. Y 'all want to pray? 00:13:09.070 --> 00:13:10.990 God heals them. Absolutely. Let's go for that. 00:13:11.590 --> 00:13:14.950 In the meantime, if there's a surgery or something 00:13:14.950 --> 00:13:16.529 that needs to be done, that way it makes you 00:13:16.529 --> 00:13:22.330 feel better. But you went. Yep. But in the process 00:13:22.330 --> 00:13:28.230 of going, I said, hey, let's stop, number one, 00:13:28.230 --> 00:13:31.659 to give you a break to rest, but also. to where 00:13:31.659 --> 00:13:34.120 you could get yourself in a really good headspace. 00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:36.419 And I could get myself in a really good headspace 00:13:36.419 --> 00:13:40.500 too. It wasn't just you, it was me too. And understanding 00:13:40.500 --> 00:13:46.100 the dynamic of your person. If your person has, 00:13:46.519 --> 00:13:50.299 I do not say this word lightly, I don't want 00:13:50.299 --> 00:13:53.779 to throw a stigma, but if social anxiety or social, 00:13:54.220 --> 00:14:02.190 what do you want to say? It's like I almost want 00:14:02.190 --> 00:14:05.070 to say mental health concerns. Okay. I think 00:14:05.070 --> 00:14:08.450 that's good. Yeah. But just if they're just not 00:14:08.450 --> 00:14:10.789 a people person, if you have a natural introvert 00:14:10.789 --> 00:14:15.289 of a spouse, of a best friend, of a family member, 00:14:15.470 --> 00:14:19.509 if they're kind of in a natural space of they 00:14:19.509 --> 00:14:22.970 have to go be by themselves to recharge their 00:14:22.970 --> 00:14:24.769 batteries or they have to do whatever they need 00:14:24.769 --> 00:14:29.769 to do to get back to good, it's good to say, 00:14:30.409 --> 00:14:35.690 What can I do to help you be prepared for what 00:14:35.690 --> 00:14:39.070 it is that we're about to go into? Because the 00:14:39.070 --> 00:14:42.850 reality, there are days where you will take me 00:14:42.850 --> 00:14:46.190 by the hand on occasion and say, we don't need 00:14:46.190 --> 00:14:50.090 to go here. We don't need to do this. This will 00:14:50.090 --> 00:14:55.149 actually cause a shift in your spirit that I 00:14:55.149 --> 00:14:59.429 don't want to cause a disruption in. Or sometimes 00:14:59.429 --> 00:15:03.730 it's, I know you're sensitive. Yes. So I need 00:15:03.730 --> 00:15:06.750 to help protect you. Correct. And guard you. 00:15:06.830 --> 00:15:08.929 Correct. Yeah. Because you know what we're about 00:15:08.929 --> 00:15:12.809 to walk into where I'm fairly clueless. And so 00:15:12.809 --> 00:15:16.570 I think when you know your person, when you know, 00:15:16.629 --> 00:15:21.129 you said it before we hit record, the idiosyncrasies, 00:15:21.129 --> 00:15:25.730 the little things about them, then it's easier. 00:15:26.779 --> 00:15:29.120 To say, okay, this is how we're going to prep 00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:32.779 this. This is how we're going to do this. This 00:15:32.779 --> 00:15:35.840 is your cue. Look at me. Blink three times. Tell 00:15:35.840 --> 00:15:38.820 me that we're leaving. Right. When your battery 00:15:38.820 --> 00:15:43.360 is done. Right. You know, you kept with the reception. 00:15:43.519 --> 00:15:45.419 It was good. We kept moving. There was enough 00:15:45.419 --> 00:15:47.840 people, I think, talking to us one -on -one that 00:15:47.840 --> 00:15:51.519 it didn't get to be too. It was people that we 00:15:51.519 --> 00:15:53.639 loved. I was going to say, it was like your uncles 00:15:53.639 --> 00:15:56.299 and aunts and uncles that were there. Yeah. And 00:15:56.299 --> 00:15:58.100 for the most part, we were out of the table together. 00:15:58.100 --> 00:16:00.379 And then our nephews came up to us. They would 00:16:00.379 --> 00:16:03.399 like come in and out of the orbit. But for the 00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:05.259 most part, like we weren't, I did not take you 00:16:05.259 --> 00:16:07.460 onto the dance floor until it was a slow dance. 00:16:07.580 --> 00:16:10.639 Yeah. Because I know that that's, you don't enjoy 00:16:10.639 --> 00:16:13.399 that. Yeah. And we didn't bounce from table to 00:16:13.399 --> 00:16:16.200 table meeting the other, your future in -laws. 00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:20.039 Yeah. New in -laws. Yeah. New family. My brother's 00:16:20.039 --> 00:16:26.879 in -laws are now family. So I think when you 00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:30.080 walk through certain scenarios and certain situations, 00:16:30.500 --> 00:16:34.460 maybe, not even maybe, I think it's wisdom to 00:16:34.460 --> 00:16:37.500 say, how do you feel about this? Number one, 00:16:37.539 --> 00:16:40.620 how do you feel about this? Should we be doing 00:16:40.620 --> 00:16:44.259 this? You said yawning and I started yawning. 00:16:44.340 --> 00:16:49.460 I know. And it's like, To mentally prepare because 00:16:49.460 --> 00:16:52.580 you can't bow out of everything. I mean, I guess 00:16:52.580 --> 00:16:54.879 you could. I could. I don't think that's healthy, 00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:59.320 though. It's not. Because that creates a whole 00:16:59.320 --> 00:17:02.539 other different dynamic that you just, then you 00:17:02.539 --> 00:17:06.220 become this hermit. Yeah. This social recluse. 00:17:06.920 --> 00:17:12.519 And then I don't feel like. And there's resentment 00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:15.259 and bitterness. It's bad. Yeah. Like, don't do 00:17:15.259 --> 00:17:17.690 that to your person. Right. If you know that 00:17:17.690 --> 00:17:20.109 your person is like, this is my person. Okay. 00:17:21.069 --> 00:17:23.549 Let's talk about my birthday. Yeah. Babe, do 00:17:23.549 --> 00:17:26.130 you like your birthday celebrated? No, I do not. 00:17:26.329 --> 00:17:29.549 Okay. Do you like the whole parties and all the 00:17:29.549 --> 00:17:31.890 people coming and you being the center of attention? 00:17:32.029 --> 00:17:34.109 Not at all. And all of the things? Not at all. 00:17:34.109 --> 00:17:37.130 Not at all. Babe, do I like all of that stuff? 00:17:37.369 --> 00:17:41.650 You do. I do. Yeah. And you love me enough to 00:17:41.650 --> 00:17:44.690 do it. Immensely. You know what I mean? Yeah. 00:17:46.239 --> 00:17:49.599 You love me enough to even dress up like something. 00:17:49.859 --> 00:17:53.119 I do. Which, in my mind, honestly, listen, you 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:55.559 actually like this idea. I really do. You really 00:17:55.559 --> 00:17:59.359 do. You put that mad hat on, sir, and I was like, 00:17:59.500 --> 00:18:04.720 hello. Yeah. I mean, again, it's my theater background 00:18:04.720 --> 00:18:08.059 popping out to say hi. Uh -huh. Yeah. I know 00:18:08.059 --> 00:18:11.680 how to tap into you. You do. Babe, so we're going 00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:14.230 to dress up in costumes for my birthday. And 00:18:14.230 --> 00:18:16.690 you get to be my Mad Hatter. Yes. Like a twinkle 00:18:16.690 --> 00:18:20.309 came. You were on board. You like this idea. 00:18:21.049 --> 00:18:25.049 Very, very much so. So it's like, again, finding 00:18:25.049 --> 00:18:29.349 out your person, finding out. And if you're somebody 00:18:29.349 --> 00:18:32.710 that says, I'm not very good at planning. I don't 00:18:32.710 --> 00:18:37.529 do this well. My person likes X, Y, Z. They like 00:18:37.529 --> 00:18:42.130 things to be set up in a certain way. Then find 00:18:42.130 --> 00:18:46.299 people that are. like that person that will help 00:18:46.299 --> 00:18:51.039 rally with you to, to be a support team, to be 00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:54.619 a sounding board, to even maybe help you or, 00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:57.279 or do it for you. And then you get all the credits 00:18:57.279 --> 00:19:01.099 of all of the things, you know, it's, it's learning 00:19:01.099 --> 00:19:04.839 your person, loving them enough to say, this 00:19:04.839 --> 00:19:08.599 isn't about me. This is about you. This is about 00:19:09.600 --> 00:19:13.000 Even with the wedding, it wasn't about me. It 00:19:13.000 --> 00:19:15.539 wasn't even about you. It was about celebrating 00:19:15.539 --> 00:19:25.160 my brother. It's being mature enough to say, 00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:31.700 I am willing to lay down even my personality 00:19:31.700 --> 00:19:35.299 and my pride and how I think things should be 00:19:35.299 --> 00:19:41.279 to... to help support and love and encourage 00:19:41.279 --> 00:19:45.920 something that makes you happy. Yeah. Yeah, that's 00:19:45.920 --> 00:19:50.220 true. Because I think at the end of the day, 00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:55.380 there's a lot of what we talk about when it comes 00:19:55.380 --> 00:19:58.740 to relationships and all. There's that degree 00:19:58.740 --> 00:20:01.779 of maturity that has to come. And I was having 00:20:01.779 --> 00:20:05.339 a conversation earlier today. And we were talking 00:20:05.339 --> 00:20:09.980 about maturity and age and how, you know, they've 00:20:09.980 --> 00:20:13.059 discovered in the past, you know, several years 00:20:13.059 --> 00:20:18.700 or so that adolescence actually lasts until you're 00:20:18.700 --> 00:20:22.559 about 30 -ish. I believe that. Yeah. Yeah. You 00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:24.299 know, because, again, your brain is still forming. 00:20:24.299 --> 00:20:26.440 You're still developing. You know, it's all that 00:20:26.440 --> 00:20:29.119 stuff. And, like, it was funny because, like. 00:20:31.630 --> 00:20:33.769 I was talking to my co -workers about this, and 00:20:33.769 --> 00:20:36.990 some of them looked very disappointed. Because 00:20:36.990 --> 00:20:39.950 they want to be adults, and they want to be grown, 00:20:40.109 --> 00:20:42.569 and they want to look at their significant others 00:20:42.569 --> 00:20:46.210 and be like, Grow up. Grow up. How old are these 00:20:46.210 --> 00:20:50.769 co -workers? One is 26, and one is like 36, I 00:20:50.769 --> 00:20:53.049 think. Oh, they're just... Yeah. So it was funny, 00:20:53.130 --> 00:20:55.230 the one that's 36, she's like, the one that's 00:20:55.230 --> 00:20:57.170 36, she's like, Oh, so I've been an adult for 00:20:57.170 --> 00:21:01.970 six years. I'm six years old. Yay! That's awesome. 00:21:02.109 --> 00:21:10.309 I'm like, oh. Yes? Yes. Yes. Yes. So, yeah. But 00:21:10.309 --> 00:21:13.329 again, it's these, you know, it is. It's the 00:21:13.329 --> 00:21:17.150 maturity. It's the mature conversations. It's 00:21:17.150 --> 00:21:21.329 the mature decisions. It's the, can you come 00:21:21.329 --> 00:21:24.410 at this topic, this struggle, this obstacle, 00:21:24.569 --> 00:21:28.710 this benefit in a mature manner? Yes. You know, 00:21:28.730 --> 00:21:34.980 and it's. Again, it's coming at somebody, coming 00:21:34.980 --> 00:21:37.000 at your spouse, not coming at your spouse, but 00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:40.019 coming to your spouse. And you're so full of 00:21:40.019 --> 00:21:44.819 anger and confusion and frustration and all the 00:21:44.819 --> 00:21:46.400 bad things and all the negative things. And you 00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:49.819 just want to blast your spouse. And it's like, 00:21:49.940 --> 00:21:54.819 I can't. If I do this, I'm going to destroy them. 00:21:54.940 --> 00:21:57.960 And I don't want to destroy them, but I need 00:21:57.960 --> 00:22:01.740 to. communicate and let them know what's going 00:22:01.740 --> 00:22:04.839 on in my brain and I need to let them know that 00:22:04.839 --> 00:22:08.079 I'm hurt and I need to let them know that hey 00:22:08.079 --> 00:22:11.940 when you did this it kind of crushed me yeah 00:22:11.940 --> 00:22:15.380 you know and it's but it is it's it's the how 00:22:15.380 --> 00:22:19.299 do you handle that in a mature manner right And 00:22:19.299 --> 00:22:21.680 I think as you're growing, because you are growing, 00:22:21.799 --> 00:22:24.960 I mean, you said that you guys just learned that 00:22:24.960 --> 00:22:27.640 adolescence is all the way up till 30s. Okay. 00:22:27.859 --> 00:22:31.599 So you have... Like around 30. Okay. So you have 00:22:31.599 --> 00:22:35.519 somebody that is maybe in their 20s or they're 00:22:35.519 --> 00:22:37.700 just now hitting 30 or they're just a little 00:22:37.700 --> 00:22:41.420 past 30. And they're struggling. They're trying 00:22:41.420 --> 00:22:43.539 to figure this out. Maybe they've been with their 00:22:43.539 --> 00:22:46.160 person now since, I don't know. There's some 00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:49.779 people that I work with up at the school. Her 00:22:49.779 --> 00:22:52.680 and her husband have known each other and been 00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:54.660 in each other's lives since they were seven. 00:22:54.920 --> 00:22:58.000 Wow. I mean, that's cool. That is super cool. 00:22:58.000 --> 00:23:00.160 I mean, that's super cool. You know what she 00:23:00.160 --> 00:23:02.609 also said, though? She goes, when we talk to 00:23:02.609 --> 00:23:04.670 our kids and they say, man, that's cool, mom 00:23:04.670 --> 00:23:07.470 and dad, that's awesome. They go, oh, let's tell 00:23:07.470 --> 00:23:10.150 you how we had to learn how to grow up with each 00:23:10.150 --> 00:23:13.950 other. Yeah. How we had to learn the hard things 00:23:13.950 --> 00:23:17.130 and talk through the hard things and understand 00:23:17.130 --> 00:23:20.910 each other's points of view and that it's not 00:23:20.910 --> 00:23:24.049 going to look the same as what we think. Even 00:23:24.049 --> 00:23:28.450 though we were raised with and around each other, 00:23:28.670 --> 00:23:33.289 we are two totally different. Yeah. And she says, 00:23:33.349 --> 00:23:36.670 it was like, and I'm listening to her going, 00:23:36.829 --> 00:23:39.269 dang, do you listen to us? You know, I kind of 00:23:39.269 --> 00:23:42.069 think, but, but genuinely it was, it was, it 00:23:42.069 --> 00:23:46.769 was a beautiful insight of, she said the day 00:23:46.769 --> 00:23:50.950 that she figured out my husband and I get to 00:23:50.950 --> 00:23:56.369 grow the rest of our lives, she stopped fighting. 00:23:57.009 --> 00:24:03.089 Oh, nice. That's cool. Yeah. Like, you and I 00:24:03.089 --> 00:24:06.529 are growing the rest of our lives. Yeah. And 00:24:06.529 --> 00:24:11.190 the moment that we say, I'm still growing, you're 00:24:11.190 --> 00:24:14.190 still growing. Okay, well, that was weird. That's 00:24:14.190 --> 00:24:16.329 probably not something we want to do again. Yeah, 00:24:16.329 --> 00:24:19.589 you know, probably not. Okay, cool. Or, wow, 00:24:19.829 --> 00:24:23.930 I like that. Let's maybe add that into who we 00:24:23.930 --> 00:24:26.230 are now, you know, kind of thing. Let's cultivate 00:24:26.230 --> 00:24:28.049 that one. Let's cultivate that one. Yeah. You 00:24:28.049 --> 00:24:34.079 know, it's like. Be that couple. Be that person 00:24:34.079 --> 00:24:37.099 to your person. You know, look at them and say 00:24:37.099 --> 00:24:41.380 who you were when we got married and who you 00:24:41.380 --> 00:24:44.700 are. Yeah, it might look different. It might 00:24:44.700 --> 00:24:48.779 be, you know, it should look different because 00:24:48.779 --> 00:24:53.119 you're constantly growing. But in order to continue 00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:58.089 to grow together, it's... It's recognizing your 00:24:58.089 --> 00:25:01.329 person's growth. It's recognizing your person's 00:25:01.329 --> 00:25:05.069 even frailties. It's recognizing their struggles. 00:25:05.170 --> 00:25:09.430 It's seeing life through their eyes. And then 00:25:09.430 --> 00:25:11.990 what you get to do, it's not that you're trying 00:25:11.990 --> 00:25:15.599 to. It's not like I'm trying to be you or you're 00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:19.039 trying to be me. It's you understanding my perspective 00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:22.500 or I'm understanding yours. And then it helps 00:25:22.500 --> 00:25:26.779 me learn how to communicate with you better because 00:25:26.779 --> 00:25:29.759 I have a greater understanding of even how you 00:25:29.759 --> 00:25:34.480 tick and how you learn. And I'd almost go and 00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:37.900 want to correct just a little bit of that. Sure. 00:25:39.500 --> 00:25:41.720 You know, when you're saying, you know, I understand 00:25:41.720 --> 00:25:44.190 your... where you're coming from you understand 00:25:44.190 --> 00:25:47.109 you know and all this and it's like i think there's 00:25:47.109 --> 00:25:49.210 going to be times where i'm not going to understand 00:25:49.210 --> 00:25:51.490 oh absolutely what's happening i'm not going 00:25:51.490 --> 00:25:53.450 to understand what's going on you're not going 00:25:53.450 --> 00:25:55.349 to understand what's going on yeah but it's that 00:25:55.349 --> 00:26:00.470 that recognition of i love you yeah i still want 00:26:00.470 --> 00:26:03.690 this to work i still want you know like when 00:26:03.690 --> 00:26:06.349 you're talking back and forth i i pictured you 00:26:06.349 --> 00:26:08.619 know when you're talking about you know Growing 00:26:08.619 --> 00:26:12.160 with somebody and learning, oh, hey, we want 00:26:12.160 --> 00:26:15.019 to keep this. Or, oh, wait, we don't want that 00:26:15.019 --> 00:26:19.799 one anymore. I pictured a vegetable garden. Ooh, 00:26:19.799 --> 00:26:22.779 that's good. Because, again, you want to take 00:26:22.779 --> 00:26:24.920 care of it. You want to grow things. But all 00:26:24.920 --> 00:26:27.259 of a sudden, early on, it's like, hey, we really 00:26:27.259 --> 00:26:30.660 like this produce. So we're going to grow it. 00:26:30.740 --> 00:26:32.119 And all of a sudden, it's like, we don't really 00:26:32.119 --> 00:26:35.180 like this produce anymore. Or it doesn't grow. 00:26:35.869 --> 00:26:37.869 In this season. In this season. Or it doesn't 00:26:37.869 --> 00:26:40.849 grow in this location with the soil and stuff 00:26:40.849 --> 00:26:42.910 like that. So it's like, okay, that's not going 00:26:42.910 --> 00:26:45.210 to grow. Let's plant something else. Or, hey, 00:26:45.230 --> 00:26:48.390 we now like squash. Okay, we're going to grow 00:26:48.390 --> 00:26:52.049 squash. And so it's like that's kind of how I 00:26:52.049 --> 00:26:54.069 pictured it in my brain when you were saying 00:26:54.069 --> 00:26:59.210 the growing and all that. But it is. I think 00:26:59.210 --> 00:27:02.990 if we try to fully understand everything about 00:27:02.990 --> 00:27:08.740 our spouse. I think we're going to fail. Or maybe 00:27:08.740 --> 00:27:11.799 not fail, but fall short. Because if your goal 00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:13.720 is to understand, if my goal is to completely 00:27:13.720 --> 00:27:16.960 understand you, I'm going to run my head through 00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:19.220 a wall because I'm going to get frustrated because 00:27:19.220 --> 00:27:22.539 I love you to pieces, but I don't think I will 00:27:22.539 --> 00:27:25.380 ever completely understand you. And that's not 00:27:25.380 --> 00:27:28.940 a bad thing. I don't think we should ever... 00:27:32.299 --> 00:27:36.420 I think our goal should be to do our best to 00:27:36.420 --> 00:27:38.500 understand as much as we can about our spouses. 00:27:38.559 --> 00:27:45.240 Yeah. But never have the goal of arriving to 00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:47.339 where we've completely understood our spouses. 00:27:47.619 --> 00:27:50.680 Yeah. It's almost like striving for the knowledge 00:27:50.680 --> 00:27:55.680 of God. Yeah. It's like we want to walk with 00:27:55.680 --> 00:27:58.339 God so we can learn as much as we can about God. 00:27:58.539 --> 00:28:01.400 Yeah. But it's like, I've talked to people that 00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:03.660 have been following God their entire life, you 00:28:03.660 --> 00:28:06.059 know, 50, 60, 70 years. And they're like, there's 00:28:06.059 --> 00:28:08.720 still things that it's like, I'm still learning 00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:10.400 things about the kingdom. I'm still learning 00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:14.299 things about God. Yeah. And it's like that. Yeah. 00:28:14.420 --> 00:28:17.599 You know, and it's like, it's like once you think 00:28:17.599 --> 00:28:22.579 I've arrived, I know everything. You stop trying. 00:28:22.859 --> 00:28:26.460 You do. You stop. Yeah. So. You stop trying. 00:28:26.759 --> 00:28:29.470 No, I like that. Because when you said that, 00:28:29.509 --> 00:28:31.950 I was like, no, you're right. That's good. I 00:28:31.950 --> 00:28:34.529 think maybe understanding is the wrong word. 00:28:35.650 --> 00:28:42.329 I don't think it even has a word. I think it's 00:28:42.329 --> 00:28:48.509 more defined. Instead of having a greater understanding 00:28:48.509 --> 00:28:57.109 about your person, I think it's an appreciation. 00:28:57.680 --> 00:29:03.920 Yeah. I think appreciation. Yeah. Because I don't 00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:08.160 understand you a lot of days, some days. Yeah. 00:29:08.779 --> 00:29:13.420 I'm weird. You're not weird. I mean, you're my 00:29:13.420 --> 00:29:16.859 weird. But just like her daughter and her son. 00:29:17.000 --> 00:29:22.240 Yeah. Y 'all are my weirds. But I think there's 00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:27.990 an appreciation. You can look at your person 00:29:27.990 --> 00:29:32.430 and say, babe, I don't understand that. Yeah. 00:29:32.529 --> 00:29:38.170 But I love you. I trust you. I trust God inside 00:29:38.170 --> 00:29:43.029 of you. Yeah. And I can appreciate what you bring 00:29:43.029 --> 00:29:47.829 to the table because I know when you speak, like, 00:29:47.849 --> 00:29:51.829 greater knowledge comes. Yeah. Or a greater understanding 00:29:51.829 --> 00:29:55.619 of who you are comes. But I think the appreciation 00:29:55.619 --> 00:30:00.480 kind of needs to come first. Yeah. If I can say 00:30:00.480 --> 00:30:02.779 it that way. I think so, yeah. Because it's like 00:30:02.779 --> 00:30:06.980 when you're first dating a person and you're 00:30:06.980 --> 00:30:10.380 getting to know that person, unless you have 00:30:10.380 --> 00:30:13.319 this hardwire situation in your brain that says, 00:30:13.440 --> 00:30:16.339 no matter what, I'm going to try to change this 00:30:16.339 --> 00:30:20.099 person, you're looking at this person and you're... 00:30:20.380 --> 00:30:23.519 You're learning them. You're learning who they 00:30:23.519 --> 00:30:29.259 are. You're learning their quirks. You're learning 00:30:29.259 --> 00:30:32.339 how they think. You're learning how they see 00:30:32.339 --> 00:30:35.599 things even. Their language. You're learning 00:30:35.599 --> 00:30:38.059 their love language. Well, not just their love 00:30:38.059 --> 00:30:42.000 language. Their language. Yeah. Because how I 00:30:42.000 --> 00:30:44.019 say things is different than how you say things. 00:30:44.140 --> 00:30:49.589 Because you are fabulous. When it comes to, do 00:30:49.589 --> 00:30:52.609 you remember? You do remember. It's fine. I'm 00:30:52.609 --> 00:30:54.950 going to paint a picture for our listeners. So 00:30:54.950 --> 00:31:00.069 whenever we got engaged, we did a video, which 00:31:00.069 --> 00:31:02.450 to this day I wish I could find, and we need 00:31:02.450 --> 00:31:06.069 to find it. It is on YouTube somewhere. If anybody 00:31:06.069 --> 00:31:09.329 could find it, that'd be great. We need to call 00:31:09.329 --> 00:31:13.210 Carlson and have him find that for us. But we 00:31:13.210 --> 00:31:16.130 did a video, and it was basically we broke down. 00:31:16.910 --> 00:31:19.789 how we went about our relationship we talked 00:31:19.789 --> 00:31:21.589 about the courtship we talked about all of the 00:31:21.589 --> 00:31:26.529 things and then um we said some really kind things 00:31:26.529 --> 00:31:29.329 about each other about who we are and who we 00:31:29.329 --> 00:31:31.670 thought the other person was and you use the 00:31:31.670 --> 00:31:36.309 silver dollar word in the middle of it do you 00:31:36.309 --> 00:31:38.839 remember that i do I don't remember the word. 00:31:38.900 --> 00:31:41.680 I don't either. Yeah. Because you, you said something 00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:45.140 and I, and you were, you were describing me and 00:31:45.140 --> 00:31:49.339 I kind of stared at you and I said, what does 00:31:49.339 --> 00:31:52.819 that mean? You know? And then you were so kind 00:31:52.819 --> 00:31:55.500 and you broke it down and you, and you defined 00:31:55.500 --> 00:31:57.660 the word for me. And I was like, Ooh, I like 00:31:57.660 --> 00:32:01.099 that. Yeah. And so that is who you've always 00:32:01.099 --> 00:32:06.480 been. It's like you, you are so amazingly smart. 00:32:07.369 --> 00:32:16.690 And our children have phenomenal diabolical vocabularies 00:32:16.690 --> 00:32:22.430 because you don't shy away from expressing yourself 00:32:22.430 --> 00:32:25.490 in that manner. Yes. At the same time, because 00:32:25.490 --> 00:32:28.829 you know your person. Yes. And some days you 00:32:28.829 --> 00:32:30.890 just really do not want to have to be Google 00:32:30.890 --> 00:32:36.079 and Webster's Dictionary. Yes. You will. I will 00:32:36.079 --> 00:32:41.299 not say dumb down, but you will bring your words 00:32:41.299 --> 00:32:48.200 from $1 .50 down to maybe 25 cents. And so it's 00:32:48.200 --> 00:32:53.660 not saying that I am less or you are more. It's 00:32:53.660 --> 00:32:56.500 this is who you are and this is how you've been 00:32:56.500 --> 00:33:00.759 created. And you challenge me and you make me 00:33:00.759 --> 00:33:03.990 want to be better. There's an appreciation. And 00:33:03.990 --> 00:33:09.950 then I bring this really childlike simplicity 00:33:09.950 --> 00:33:15.490 to the table. Plain language. Plain language. 00:33:15.690 --> 00:33:19.049 That wants to play Alice in Wonderland and do 00:33:19.049 --> 00:33:23.289 all of the dorky things. Run around in costumes 00:33:23.289 --> 00:33:26.430 and have relay races up and down our street. 00:33:27.789 --> 00:33:35.839 Inflatable. Inflatable. Know your person. Know 00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:39.960 your person. Appreciate the differences. Appreciate 00:33:39.960 --> 00:33:45.200 how they see life. Ask questions. One of the 00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:51.180 reasons why our very first date, I'm asking you 00:33:51.180 --> 00:33:55.480 all the questions. Like, scope them out. Why 00:33:55.480 --> 00:34:00.279 do you do that? Not in a, like a... Not know 00:34:00.279 --> 00:34:02.319 what's wrong with you. Yeah, not know what's 00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:05.319 wrong with you way. But like, why is that? And 00:34:05.319 --> 00:34:09.219 give them a chance to maybe they'll say, you 00:34:09.219 --> 00:34:11.920 know what? I don't know. I don't know. It's just 00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:14.179 always what I've done or this is just how I was 00:34:14.179 --> 00:34:17.900 raised or. Yeah. You know, or they might give 00:34:17.900 --> 00:34:21.880 you a really great story behind why it is that 00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:24.780 they do what they do. And instead of it becoming 00:34:24.780 --> 00:34:29.659 an irritation or becoming something that. can 00:34:29.659 --> 00:34:35.320 cause a disconnect, it can become something that 00:34:35.320 --> 00:34:37.699 all of a sudden you find yourself loving that 00:34:37.699 --> 00:34:42.739 person even more and appreciating them even on 00:34:42.739 --> 00:34:46.579 a greater measure. Yeah. Or sometimes, you know, 00:34:46.579 --> 00:34:49.619 by asking some of those probing questions, it 00:34:49.619 --> 00:34:54.739 can lead to the response of, I don't know, which 00:34:54.739 --> 00:34:58.619 could then lead to healing. Yes. Yeah. You know, 00:34:58.639 --> 00:35:00.579 well, I don't know why I did that. Let me figure 00:35:00.579 --> 00:35:03.579 that out. Yeah. Cause I, I know that we've done 00:35:03.579 --> 00:35:08.039 that. Yeah. I mean, I, you are my psychology 00:35:08.039 --> 00:35:12.760 couch. Like, like having those moments of something 00:35:12.760 --> 00:35:15.539 I'm breaking down and things are happening and 00:35:15.539 --> 00:35:18.199 then me staring at you. And then like these moments 00:35:18.199 --> 00:35:23.059 of light bulbs going off and me saying, babe, 00:35:23.519 --> 00:35:27.980 this is, this is why. I think this is why I do 00:35:27.980 --> 00:35:31.019 what I do. Yeah. And then I allow God to come 00:35:31.019 --> 00:35:34.280 in and you pray for me and we deal with it. Yeah. 00:35:35.960 --> 00:35:41.519 So I think being a person's person. Yeah. Giving 00:35:41.519 --> 00:35:45.960 them that space, allowing your loved one to be 00:35:45.960 --> 00:35:49.760 everything that God created them to be. And then 00:35:49.760 --> 00:35:54.300 as they keep getting refined and growing and 00:35:54.300 --> 00:35:59.659 maturing. And learning. Yeah. And getting comfortable 00:35:59.659 --> 00:36:03.599 in their skin. Yeah. Then sometimes the dross 00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:07.960 comes up, the yucky starts showing. That's not 00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:11.280 the time to like bail. That's not the time to 00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:15.800 cast stones. That's not the time to go, oh my 00:36:15.800 --> 00:36:17.820 gosh, you're not the person that I thought you 00:36:17.820 --> 00:36:20.820 were. That's the time where you double down and 00:36:20.820 --> 00:36:25.800 you say, hey, okay. There seems to be something 00:36:25.800 --> 00:36:29.820 here. Yeah. Let's have a conversation. Let's 00:36:29.820 --> 00:36:31.599 talk about this. Let's figure out what this is 00:36:31.599 --> 00:36:35.059 so that way we can come at this thing together. 00:36:36.300 --> 00:36:39.760 And so that way we can get back to good. Yeah. 00:36:40.539 --> 00:36:46.420 Yeah. Because it is. A lot of it is, you know, 00:36:46.440 --> 00:36:50.619 we say it a lot. We do. We say it a lot. It is. 00:36:50.639 --> 00:36:52.980 It's having those hard conversations. It's having 00:36:52.980 --> 00:36:55.820 those long conversations. It's having the awkward 00:36:55.820 --> 00:37:01.880 conversations. Yes. To figure out these basic 00:37:01.880 --> 00:37:05.880 questions. I mean, we say they're basic. In our 00:37:05.880 --> 00:37:07.880 minds, we think these are basic questions because 00:37:07.880 --> 00:37:12.460 we like to think that... well, everybody should 00:37:12.460 --> 00:37:15.659 be having these conversations. Everybody should 00:37:15.659 --> 00:37:18.099 be thinking this way. And if they're not, how 00:37:18.099 --> 00:37:20.360 can we encourage them to have these conversations? 00:37:20.920 --> 00:37:26.480 But it is. Sometimes it's the awkward conversations. 00:37:26.739 --> 00:37:30.920 It's the, how can I get to know you better? Oh, 00:37:30.980 --> 00:37:34.800 that's good, babe. Because it is. Especially 00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:37.159 when you're talking about dating, courtship, 00:37:37.179 --> 00:37:43.420 being engaged, marriage. Your goal is to be with 00:37:43.420 --> 00:37:48.679 this person for the rest of your life. And you 00:37:48.679 --> 00:37:52.519 want to know who you're going home with. You 00:37:52.519 --> 00:37:55.159 want to know who's sleeping in the bed next to 00:37:55.159 --> 00:38:00.599 you. And if it's friendship, if it's coworkers, 00:38:01.159 --> 00:38:04.579 you want to know who you can be safe around. 00:38:04.920 --> 00:38:08.699 That's good. Because, again, if you're friends, 00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:11.739 if this is a friend relationship, and let's say 00:38:11.739 --> 00:38:14.780 you are going out and exploring and having adventures, 00:38:15.119 --> 00:38:17.559 you want to know that you're with somebody that's 00:38:17.559 --> 00:38:20.400 got your back. Yes. And it's not going to just 00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:23.280 abandon you for some cute guy in a parking garage. 00:38:23.900 --> 00:38:26.659 Come on. I'm going to say that one. Come on. 00:38:26.820 --> 00:38:29.679 I know they're not listening. Come on. Truly. 00:38:30.119 --> 00:38:33.820 But it is. But you want somebody that, you know. 00:38:35.329 --> 00:38:38.429 It's like I was having a conversation and it 00:38:38.429 --> 00:38:40.469 was like, you know, hey, this person wanted to 00:38:40.469 --> 00:38:42.710 be a designated driver because they're headed 00:38:42.710 --> 00:38:45.909 to a wedding with their boyfriend. And their 00:38:45.909 --> 00:38:51.610 boyfriend got all upset because this person sober 00:38:51.610 --> 00:38:54.449 is not as fun and wild as when they're drunk. 00:38:57.150 --> 00:39:02.210 So it's like, oh. But again, it's like you want 00:39:02.210 --> 00:39:04.630 to make sure that. Who are you going to be safe 00:39:04.630 --> 00:39:09.889 with? We know people from our past and we know 00:39:09.889 --> 00:39:14.449 people currently that used to party and drink 00:39:14.449 --> 00:39:17.690 and do all the things. If you're going to be 00:39:17.690 --> 00:39:19.349 doing those things, you want to know you're going 00:39:19.349 --> 00:39:22.750 to come home safe. Unless you're in a dark space 00:39:22.750 --> 00:39:29.170 and then you don't care. Ultimately, you want 00:39:29.170 --> 00:39:31.929 to know that you're going to be safe. You want 00:39:31.929 --> 00:39:34.949 to make sure that... You know, like when you 00:39:34.949 --> 00:39:37.469 used to go karaoke. Yeah, I was a designated 00:39:37.469 --> 00:39:39.530 driver. You were the designated driver, but you 00:39:39.530 --> 00:39:41.889 were also looking out for your friends. You know, 00:39:41.889 --> 00:39:44.130 because I'm sure your friends were like, Dean 00:39:44.130 --> 00:39:46.869 is here. She's going to make sure I get home 00:39:46.869 --> 00:39:49.210 safe or she's going to make sure that I don't 00:39:49.210 --> 00:39:53.170 go home with some rando. You know? The stories 00:39:53.170 --> 00:39:57.329 I could tell. I know, but it is. You want to 00:39:57.329 --> 00:39:59.329 be that friend and you want to have those friends 00:39:59.329 --> 00:40:02.269 around you. Yes. So even if they are friends, 00:40:02.510 --> 00:40:04.150 you want to make sure that you're going to be 00:40:04.150 --> 00:40:07.889 safe around these people. So I say all that to 00:40:07.889 --> 00:40:10.610 say that we do. We want to make sure that we're 00:40:10.610 --> 00:40:13.510 surrounded by safe people. Yes. And if that sounds 00:40:13.510 --> 00:40:17.889 a little disjointed, we just cut out like three 00:40:17.889 --> 00:40:20.889 and a half minutes of conversation. Our daughter 00:40:20.889 --> 00:40:24.449 called us on the phone, guys. Sorry. If it sounds 00:40:24.449 --> 00:40:26.809 a little like, that sounds like a weird jump. 00:40:28.030 --> 00:40:31.409 That's why. Our kiddos come first, guys. Post 00:40:31.409 --> 00:40:34.809 -production. Welcome to life be lifing here. 00:40:34.949 --> 00:40:37.650 Yes. No, I think that's good. I think that's 00:40:37.650 --> 00:40:45.750 good. And if... Father, I'm asking right now 00:40:45.750 --> 00:40:48.130 in the name of Jesus that you just, you cover 00:40:48.130 --> 00:40:52.329 our couples. You cover the people that are listening 00:40:52.329 --> 00:40:54.750 right now. Father, I ask that you open up the 00:40:54.750 --> 00:40:57.889 airwaves above them to where they can communicate 00:40:57.889 --> 00:41:01.409 on a greater scale and a greater measure. I'm 00:41:01.409 --> 00:41:03.349 asking, Father, that you open up the hearts and 00:41:03.349 --> 00:41:06.809 the lives and the minds of the ones that are 00:41:06.809 --> 00:41:10.920 struggling right now, that you give them... a 00:41:10.920 --> 00:41:13.440 place of safety, knowing that you are their safety. 00:41:13.500 --> 00:41:16.960 And Father, then I'm asking that you heal hearts 00:41:16.960 --> 00:41:20.380 and you heal wounds and you heal places so that 00:41:20.380 --> 00:41:23.820 way they can be each other's safety again. Yes. 00:41:24.059 --> 00:41:26.579 I ask that forgiveness flows. I ask that bitterness 00:41:26.579 --> 00:41:31.559 and resentment and offense leaves and that they're 00:41:31.559 --> 00:41:34.079 able to heal past the hurt, that they're not 00:41:34.079 --> 00:41:38.320 constantly tripping on what's behind them. Yeah. 00:41:40.289 --> 00:41:44.530 Because ultimately, the reason why we say the 00:41:44.530 --> 00:41:47.110 things that we say, the way that we go about 00:41:47.110 --> 00:41:49.889 the things that we go about, is because we've 00:41:49.889 --> 00:41:54.949 lived these things. As amazing and as awesome 00:41:54.949 --> 00:41:58.969 as our family is, and it is, and I'm grateful. 00:42:00.090 --> 00:42:02.650 It took years upon years upon years upon years 00:42:02.650 --> 00:42:06.530 of cultivating. It took years upon years upon 00:42:06.530 --> 00:42:10.190 years of weird conversations, of staring at my 00:42:10.190 --> 00:42:13.050 sweet husband and going, I don't know how else 00:42:13.050 --> 00:42:16.710 to explain this. This is how this is. And learning. 00:42:17.929 --> 00:42:20.449 I love what you said, learning each other's language, 00:42:20.750 --> 00:42:25.789 learning even each other's tones. Like your tone 00:42:25.789 --> 00:42:29.190 is more aggressive than mine at times, but I 00:42:29.190 --> 00:42:32.250 can be really aggressive to you. It's almost 00:42:32.250 --> 00:42:37.610 even more so at times. Even something as you're 00:42:37.610 --> 00:42:40.630 soft -spoken. Yes. I was raised in a loud family. 00:42:40.849 --> 00:42:43.429 Yes. And it's like. Why are you yelling? I'm 00:42:43.429 --> 00:42:45.929 not. This is, I'm talking. It's just me talking. 00:42:46.010 --> 00:42:47.510 And then you met my parents and you're like, 00:42:47.610 --> 00:42:50.369 or especially my mom. Yes. You're like, oh. This 00:42:50.369 --> 00:42:54.409 makes complete sense to me. And so I think, I 00:42:54.409 --> 00:42:59.110 think learn not just your person, but maybe even 00:42:59.110 --> 00:43:01.369 learn from where that person came from. Yeah. 00:43:01.409 --> 00:43:04.110 And have a greater understanding of maybe even 00:43:04.110 --> 00:43:07.010 why they are the way that they are. What makes 00:43:07.010 --> 00:43:11.820 up your DNA? Yeah. Having, having a. An aha moment. 00:43:12.239 --> 00:43:19.860 Like, not justifying this is why you're a douchebag. 00:43:20.059 --> 00:43:22.380 That's not what I'm talking about. Right. I'm 00:43:22.380 --> 00:43:26.599 talking about, oh, this is where this comes from. 00:43:26.800 --> 00:43:31.539 Yeah. Okay. I get that now. Okay, babe. So I'm 00:43:31.539 --> 00:43:34.539 understanding now where you learned this trait. 00:43:34.880 --> 00:43:40.570 Yes. Can we now figure out how to... soften it 00:43:40.570 --> 00:43:45.730 or mold it or maneuver it or get rid of it whatever 00:43:45.730 --> 00:43:49.329 it needs to be so that way we can flourish as 00:43:49.329 --> 00:43:53.449 us and not bring somebody else into our marriage 00:43:53.449 --> 00:43:58.639 yeah by stuff right And I think when we take 00:43:58.639 --> 00:44:02.380 that time, that's the deep -seating, deep -sea 00:44:02.380 --> 00:44:05.539 diving stuff. That's the having the hard conversations. 00:44:06.239 --> 00:44:09.659 That's the, well, you're just mad. You always 00:44:09.659 --> 00:44:11.940 blame my mother, or you always blame my dad, 00:44:12.019 --> 00:44:14.360 or you always blame... No, no, no, no, no, no, 00:44:14.360 --> 00:44:19.639 no. This is legit. Be mature enough to understand 00:44:19.639 --> 00:44:22.639 that there is psychological things that come, 00:44:22.760 --> 00:44:25.760 that there are... there is nature and there is 00:44:25.760 --> 00:44:29.880 nurture, and that these are legit things, and 00:44:29.880 --> 00:44:33.059 there's also generational spirits and hereditary 00:44:33.059 --> 00:44:37.659 stuff that comes in every one of our families, 00:44:37.679 --> 00:44:40.420 even the really great ones, that don't seem to 00:44:40.420 --> 00:44:44.739 have any issues. There's always something. And 00:44:44.739 --> 00:44:50.079 so having a greater understanding of why do I 00:44:50.079 --> 00:44:53.909 think the way that I think? Okay. Is that a correct 00:44:53.909 --> 00:44:56.710 way of thinking or is this just something that 00:44:56.710 --> 00:45:00.210 I've learned? And if it's something I've learned, 00:45:00.289 --> 00:45:03.250 then I can unlearn it. Yeah. And then be patient 00:45:03.250 --> 00:45:06.349 enough with your person as they're trying to 00:45:06.349 --> 00:45:10.469 unlearn some of these patterns and then help 00:45:10.469 --> 00:45:13.510 love them into the space where they can be loved 00:45:13.510 --> 00:45:16.750 into good, solid patterns that make you guys 00:45:16.750 --> 00:45:20.989 stronger. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That's good. 00:45:23.949 --> 00:45:27.670 I think we hit it. Outside of our three minutes 00:45:27.670 --> 00:45:31.849 out. Yes. Which will be magically erased. Which 00:45:31.849 --> 00:45:33.730 will be magically erased. And everybody will 00:45:33.730 --> 00:45:35.610 go, what are y 'all talking about? Yeah. It's 00:45:35.610 --> 00:45:37.309 fine. But we explained it. But we did explain 00:45:37.309 --> 00:45:43.130 it. It's fine. See? There you go. Yeah. Guys, 00:45:43.210 --> 00:45:50.909 give each other space to grow. Yes. Every day 00:45:50.909 --> 00:45:53.489 I ask that you guys wake up. And look at your 00:45:53.489 --> 00:45:56.250 person and say, I get to learn something beautiful 00:45:56.250 --> 00:45:59.469 about you today. And even if it's something that 00:45:59.469 --> 00:46:01.630 I know about you, I get to learn it in a greater 00:46:01.630 --> 00:46:05.050 measure. That is my prayer. That's my prayer 00:46:05.050 --> 00:46:08.489 for me. I want to start learning you in a greater 00:46:08.489 --> 00:46:14.030 measure. I want to know you and who you are in 00:46:14.030 --> 00:46:17.269 a greater measure. So that way I can learn how 00:46:17.269 --> 00:46:25.019 to love you better. I love you have the best 00:46:25.019 --> 00:46:28.119 week guys enjoy the journey happy birthday to 00:46:28.119 --> 00:46:30.500 me happy birthday to you thanks babe happy birthday 00:46:30.500 --> 00:46:32.760 to me enjoy the journey folks